#oh well ig it bears repeating

[yandere-daydreams]

we are all living in our delulu era with this sexdoll au like yes I would like to buy a pierro and captiano sex doll and rail me into next week it's the gaslight mindset that keeps me going, can't wait for the next au era of this blog

i feel like, the more stressful your life is, the more entitled you are to be absolutely insane in the little escapist fantasies you have when you're zoning out or daydreaming or something. work a full-time job with school on the side? personally craft your own sex robot who can do your paperwork and remind you to drink water and is super cool and okay to take anywhere and who also keeps you safe while you go on late-night walks on stuff. dealing with medical bills or student debt? maybe there'll be an ethical millionaire just hanging out looking for a girlboy womanmalewife to indebt their fortune to immediately. sometimes you just have to go back to when you were thirteen and methodically re-writing the plot of your favorite anime except your self-insert goes in and stops anything bad from happening and also they've got thirty-two boyfriends. appreciate life and the beauty of the natural world but also no one can stop you from daydreaming about your ideal polyamorous kidnapping scenario while you're at it.

[jamiemaybeme]

every single reference to christianity i can find in bears' in trees songs because. yeah. fight me

uhhh idk why i'm doing this at 1am but enjoy ig

just five more minutes:

4am: "for god's sake it's only 4am"

fly out to alaska:

"well moses saw God in a burning bush, so i'm praying please"

bits n' pieces:

fyaaa (bandcamp exclusive): "praying to saint jude all of our lives"

i see blue:

nights like these: "stop asking st anthony"

EDITED: two of my very lovely friends, berry and jamie 1, pointed out that "mother help me, madonna and child" is a reference to mary and Jesus. thank you guys!!

i want to feel chaotic:

rust: "a broken piece/of God's great plan"

"stop me eating the sand/stop me feeling so goddamm bad"

keep me safe:

laugh/cry: "demons of the soul"

and everybody else smiled back:

heaven sent is a coffee cup: ..."heaven" (repeated throughout the song)

mossy cobblestone (kind of): "stained glass" - stained glass windows are often found in churches

"my body is a temple" - common idiom with religious connotations

"and God knows i'll live forever/or die in the attempt"

confidant: "but because you were my home/built on stone instead of sand" - reference to the wise man and foolish man, a parable Jesus told in the new testament (in the bible)

little cellist: "“even Jesus Christ himself needed help to bear his cross”"

sun machine: "i cradle God on my walk to u n i"

"she preaches gospel truth down the hall"

if i just ask politely: " you tell me you're going to church in the morning"

precipitation:

"they said the clouds opened up/and the heavens came down" (technically it's an idiom but leave me alone idc /lh)

every moonbeam every fever dream:

kind love: "set 'em in stained glass windows/build cathedrals to our flaws/the spire's crowned by galaxies"

doing this again: "oh [my] God we're doing this again"

"my mother 'cites a rosary downstairs"

"but Lord these blesséd words fail me"

how to stay shining:

bart's bike: "find heaven sent in brooklyn street" - a reference to heaven sent is a coffee cup

how to build an ocean: instructions:

i can't see anything i don't like about you: "when i'm good, good god, i'm great"

"i am everyone and everything all of the time/oh god i'll be..."

all you get is confetti: "you are magdelene, mary" - mary magdelene is a woman from the bible, who was possessed by demons until Jesus told them to leave her alone. she then became a follower of Christ and was with him until his death. in all four gospels she is cited as one of the women, or the only woman, to be the first people to see Jesus' empty tomb. she also is the first person said to see Jesus resurrected. he speaks to her and she does not recognise him until she says his name.

henry says: "but/and i'll make snow angels out of all their bad dreams"

hot chocolate: "and if it snows right now that would be heaven/i mean honestly, that would be heaven"

nothing cures melancholy like looking at maps: "praying the police won't call on us"

we don't speak anymore: "we can part any sea/that surrounds us" - in the old testament, moses leads the israelites out of egypt by parting the red sea. it is a miracle that God performs through him. moses is also mentioned in fly out to alaska (above).

unreleased songs:

tea: "whether it's the devil's water or the holy water/your essence bleeds out and you diffuse"

[miniimapp]

4*TOWN High School AU - Theatre Club (Aaron T Edition)

Gen ;; fluff - headcanons

Warnings ;; none

Proofread + Edited ;; nope lol

Auth. Note ;; after months (??) of work, struggle, my blood, sweat and tears, i'm finally gonna get these motherfuckers out and i'm so glad

i wrote this literally last year and my style has changed a lil so spot the difference ig ??

enjoy !! <3

✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈«

Aaron T - Hi, I'm Aaron T and I'm Your Freestyle Dance Teacher

When you'd heard about the school play you weren't all that bothered

It's cool that the arts department have the budget but you weren't too fussed either way

Until, of course, you were dragged into it

One of your friends really wanted to do the play but refused to audition without someone there with her

You didn't want to audition

The compromise was that you joined the stage crew instead

So here you are

Living your best life, truly

You're hoping if you repeat it enough you'll end up believing it

As a stage hand your main responsibilities are operating the moving scenery and rigging the fly system.

When you aren't doing either you start hovering, waiting for someone to give you a job

In the months of rehearsals and tech runs you'd come to realise that these theatre kids aren't the worst to be around

When they aren't obnoxiously screaming Les Mis or Be More Chill at the top of their lungs out of nowhere that is

But everyone has their flaws, you can't exactly blame them for theirs

In fact, you get along well with most of the cast - you'd expected them to be less respectful towards you but you were pleasantly surprised

Your responsibilities as a stagehand consequently mean you spend a lot of time with the people you rig up to the fly system

Including one Mr. Aaron T

Who you had not been expecting to see once tech rehearsals started but oh well, you're not exactly complaining

His entrance into another part of your life caught you off guard, in more ways than one

You see when you first saw him in rehearsals he was doing aerials, flips and handsprings like there was no tomorrow

You'd honestly been anticipating that there wouldn't be a tomorrow for him if he kept up those tricks

Luckily you've come to realise by now that he's basically a professional

A professional at giving you heart attacks

And so you're not too concerned anymore

Lies !! You still tense up whenever you see him do a trick

T finally noticed your existence when he came to you to get rigged up

Because of course he would be the one zooming around in the air doing cartwheels and somersaults

And his reaction to seeing you ??

Most of the cast and crew would argue it was more dramatic than most of the scenes in the actual show

You were just preparing the rigging system for when T arrived and out of nowhere you just hear someone yelling your name

You turn around, mildly concerned and majorly surprised, and find T standing there with the biggest grin you've ever seen

Mans literally runs over to you, flitting around you like an overexcited hummingbird as hyped up ramble spills from his mouth

Lord give you strength and all that because this ??

You did not sign up for this

And while you pretend to be annoyed by his antics you can't help but feel grateful for them too

T is a break in an otherwise stressful job

The director had been especially hard on you and the others working alongside you who operate the fly system

You understand why, obviously, but that doesn't make the pressure any easier to bear

Luckily not many people need to be rigged up to the fly system, 2 or 3 if everyone is present during rehearsals

Moving scenery, while used more than the fly system, is also not incredibly prominent so there's a lot of times that you're waiting around unless you're needed for a job

Time that you spend watching the cast performing and mimicking the dances with your fellow stagehands behind the wings on the opposite side of the stage

T makes sure to note this and comes to keep you company whenever he can

But he can't pretend he doesn't enjoy watching you dance and goof around when you can

While T is more versed in the acrobatic parts of the dances he is still fairly good at the parts the rest of the cast perform while he does his routine

Being one of few doing the acrobatics routines he first learned the parts of the dance that the rest of the cast learn so that if anything goes wrong he can default back to that

Given T has this knowledge he can't help but employ it when he spots you fumbling the moves for what must be the hundredth time

T decides to take matters into his own hands and speaks up the next time he notices you dancing alone

You very nearly jumped out of your skin when T started talking behind you as you attempted a step-ball-change in the small space you had in the wings

You whirled around, ready to start whisper-shouting at him for scaring the living daylights out of you, when he offered to teach you the real moves

Sorry what ??

No, no, no.

No because you only started doing this whole dancing thing to pass the time

It's just a stupid little thing really !!

It's not that you're secretly worried T's going to start making fun of you even though you know that logically he'd never do that

"Don't worry about it if not, I totally get it if you don't wanna! Just thought it'd be even more fun to teach you the moves so we can pretend we're on stage too, y'know?"

T's grin somehow gets impossibly wider as he hypes himself up and gets lost in a daydream of his

"Like, we'd close our eyes and pretend we're dancing on a cloud or, or we're performing to a huge audience or if that's not really your thing we could be like tiny little fairies dancing on mushrooms and flowers like in those Tinker Bell movies, have you seen those by the way I think they're actually pretty good!"

You feel like you're getting whiplash as you listen to his rant, trying your best to keep up

What T's saying makes sense though, underneath all of the waffle you understand what he means

...at least you think you do

So that's how your "dance lessons" (as T so lovingly calls them) begin

And surprise surprise you find yourself having a lot of fun doing them

Soon enough it's not just the moves you're learning but you're also figuring out more about T as well

You knew each other before this, you've sat next to each other, you've talked, he's borrowed your things, you've both embarrassed yourselves but now you feel like you're really growing close to each other

He's quickly becoming one of your favourite people, whispering silly little secrets in your ear, twirling you around

T laughs freely when you whisper sarcastic comments back as you twirl him in return

Soon the "dance lessons" become more just you two dancing in the wings

Slow dances full of twirls and spins, overly-dramatic box steps, random waltzing and accidentally stepping on each others toes peppered with healthy doses of laughter and whispers

(Omg this is the sappiest shit I've ever written,, my teeth are rotting help)

Obviously, T doesn't know the dances to every song and not every song has a dance anyway so when it comes to numbers that T doesn't participate in things get a bit more...chaotic

Like,, a lot more

I'm talking dramatic lip syncing, down on his knees during every emotional song

Mans is as over-the-top as possible hoping he can draw a laugh from you

And it works !!

So y'know, can't blame him for the dramatics tbh

Somewhere along the way T learns the words to most, if not all, of the songs

He definitely serenades you as you two dance

T savours any reaction he can bring out of you, but his favourite is making you laugh or smile

He swears that you glow brighter than the stage lights when you let yourself feel freely

T pulls you close and sings into your ear, his voice rich and smooth, a heavenly melody for only you to hear

[angelplummie]

OFFICIAL HAIKYUU TALL GIRL FUCKERS

HAIKYUU X F!READER

smut

masterlist

warnings: size kink, face sitting, L bombs, dirty talk, slightly rough? not even tho, cockwarming, fluffiness

this is for my tall girlies that got rejected by their crush in school bc they were too tall. go fuck yourself gus i hope you die. now there will be some short girl slander here so if ur short and sensitive i recommend you do not read. I’ll repeat myself, no short girl behaviour in my replies por favor.

USHIJIMA

man this dude LOVES tall girls

I may be bias but man look at this dude

i think he would just generally want someone closer to his height, he doesn’t get off to his s/o being smaller than him at all

if anything, if they were too much smaller it might ick him out a bit, he would feel a bit creepy being enormous and having a tiny little gf

He thinks tall girls have a certain elegance, even if you don’t see it, he thinks your beauty is ethereal and unmatched

which is why when you get insecure because your only a little bit (if at all) shorter than him, he makes sure to show you he doesn’t mind in the easiest way possible: ploughing the doubt from your mind

“Toshi- Toshi, ahhhhhh!” You cry as he hooks your beautiful legs over his shoulders and continues to rut into you like a man possessed. He grips your calves, staring down at the way your long body ricochets with every thrust. Your arms are splayed against the mattress and your fingers grip the sheets, face scrunched up with overwhelming stimulation. He watched as his cock is completely swallowed by your puffy pussy, cream surrounding the base every time he moves. Giving a chaste kiss to your calve, Ushijima tilts his head back in a groan, fucking you hard but sensually.

“See? Isn’t this...” he grunted,”Isn’t this better for me? If you were any smaller, I’d break you.”

Pussy pulsing, the back of your head digs into your pillow and you moan like a little bitch. His hips work against you, the piston of him thick cock making you twitch, you were close. Effortlessly he hits your g-spot, which has you clenching around him.

He groans.

“You’re so tight, still got a little pussy, mmh.”

Now his thrusts were getting faster and messier, stoping the grind and now just ploughing your wet little hole.

“Toshi-!” you pleaded,”i’m gonna cum!”

“Me too, Y/N, C’mere.”

he pushes your legs back down either side of his waist and bends over your shaking body. He puts one elbow either side of your head, hips still sloppily fucking you. One hand reaches to hold your face and he goes down to kiss you. You whimper in his mouth and he shoves his tongue lovingly down your throat. He moans deep and stutters his hips to a stop, cock nestled deep inside of you, and he cums. You sob into his sweet kiss and cum with him as he stuffs you full of his thick semen. He pants, pulling away from your mouth only for a second where he gives you another impassioned kiss. Forehead to forehead, you breathe together, a warm quiet filling the room.

“I love you Y/N.”

“I love you Toshi.”

BOKUTO

mmm wants u to have his babies

something about tall women makes him want to breed

and you have such good child bearing hips, he can’t help but stare as you walk

He thinks ur kids would be such good athletes <3

your long big sexy thighs drive him wild you don’t even know, u cannot fathom the magnitude that this man wants to bite them

i do think he would also date short girls too, and maybe he did in the past

so when you see photos of him with his ex who is tiny ur like ‘oh :(’ cuz ur literally nothing like her

when he sees you scrolling thru her ig he asks you what ur doing

ur like ‘nothing :/‘ he’s like ‘😗 this shit won’t fly’

after enough questioning ur like ‘well it’s just... she’s a lot smaller than you... and me... and idk... i just didn’t know you were into that’

oho u gonna be walking funny tomorrow

He has you on your stomach, ass in the air for him, pounding you from the back. holding ur arms to keep you as close to him as possible, yanking you back against his heavy thrusts.

“Who’s my girl? Who am I fucking right now?”

“m-me!”

he half groans half laughs, fingers digging into your soft skin.

“That’s right baby, you’re my girl, my pretty little girl. She’s old news you got that?”

Instantly you nod against the squeaking bed. He loves the sound you let out every time he fills you completely, he revels in the sight of your long back arched for him.

“Good girl.”

Nearly drenched, your wet cunt leaves a little slick on his balls, weeping down your thighs. He reaches underneath and rubs your clit in tight circles, groaning as he feels your cunt tighten and pulse.

“Yeah, yeah,” he says breathily, voice becoming gruffer,”Ohh yeah, you like that? You like this?”

He gave it a slight slap, and you jolted a little, whimpers escaping your smushed lips.

“You’re my girl now yeah? Wouldn’t change you, wouldn’t, You’re-You’re perfect. Wanna breed you, make perfect little babies.”

You turn you bleary eyes to look back at him, and you give him a dumb little smile. His heart melts and his cock throbs, and his speed increases with vigor. The pump of his cock inside of you is driving you insane, drool dampening the sheets. You’re so lost in the feeling of him inside you filling you to the brim, you forget why you were so upset to begin with.

“Ohhh baby i’m close,” growls, hands now wrapping around the base of your waist, pushing you into the bed so he can pound you like a machine.

“Gonna fill you with my cum baby, gonna breed your pussy, don’t you want that?”

“Yes, yes Kou, please,” you cry, and it doesn’t take much more for him to release his fat load inside your spasming walls with a surprisingly high moan.

Pushed over the edge with the feeling of his cum, you scream, cumming as he still fucks it back into you. As you come down you expect him to let up, but he doesn’t, he just keeping whining and fucking you like he was before.

“Kou, what, what are-“ you can harley for a sentence, overstimulated and disoriented.

“Gotta- hnghhh- make sure it takes, breed you one more time. Ok? You can do that for me can’t you?”

You have little choice but to take it.

HINATA

doesn’t give a shit hes shorter than you

like not at all

like not at ALL at all

before u guys were dating he jacked off the the thought of your perfect body, those long ass legs, those thighs

oh my god he loves ur thighs

sorry but why is hinata one of them dudes that like begs you sit on his face? like can he chill? he’s so intense about it LMAO

ur like i will crush ur skull and hes like i’m willing to risk that

and when you sit on it you just hover cuz you don’t want him to literally die, but he’s like “when i say sit i mean SIT ma i got a thick skull”

doesn’t care that ur ‘bigger’ than him, knows ur a whiny girl at heart

just wants to take care of you n make u cream, not much to ask is it?

“You’re like two inches from my face, sit down.”

You squeak as he yanks your hips into his face, mouth finally connecting with what he’s been waiting for all day, hell, all his life.

“Shoyo! Shoyo, I’m gonna hurt you, I’m gonna- fuuuuck,” you breathe out as he starts suckling on your precious clit.

“Stop worrying Y/N, I got you, see?” he squeezes your thighs, showing he can hold you up.

“I-I don’t know, i’m kinda heavy...” You glance down at your boyfriend. His head looks small in comparison to your thighs, and you feel guilty even though he begged you to let him do this. Your guilt is eased somewhat by the look of stifling intensity on his face. His warm brown eyes stare into yours, you found it so flustering before? but now you can’t look away. His soft orange hair is tousled and mussed, framing his face, yet somehow he still makes you weak, even from underneath you.

“It’s nothing, really, I’ve got you. Let me make you feel good. Please?”

You wait a moment, then nod, and he dives right back in. Shaky hands reach forward to the bed frame steadying yourself as he tongues your wet folds. He groans into you at the taste, making you exhale at the vibration.

He licks your whole labia happily, flat lick all over that make you squirm. His dick was hard as anything, pulsing uncontrollably in his boxers. The tip had been dribbling pre the second you gave him a good look at his favourite girls pussy.

He makes you fall apart on top of him over and over until your knees buckle and you do actually end up nearly crushing him if it weren’t for those enormous arms of his holding you steady.

He’s done when he says he is, so, obviously, you’re in for a long night.

OIKAWA

power couple alert ‼️‼️

imagine u two tall ass hotties strutting around hand in hand like it’s nobodies business!

in his eyes, you are the most stunning person he’s ever seen so he can’t fathom how you could possibly dislike your height

over the years of being together, he’s really boosted your confidence, you don’t even question his opinion of you anymore, you know he thinks ur fine as fuck

the amount of scrappy doo looking fan girls he had to deal with on a daily basis, only to come home to you

you, the perfect, gorgeous, ever soothing presence, you’re like his own personal stress reliever

especially when he’s let it all out inside you, and is holding you close after a particularly gruelling day

He panted from behind you, holding you close against his chest. You were both on your side, his cock plugging you full of his warm release. A kiss to your shoulder, he lay basking in the heat you radiate, inside and out. You smile into the black of your room, feeling the rise and fall of his chest on your back.

“Had a hard day,” he murmured,”Couldn’t wait to see you.”

Your sleepy smile widen.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. Had some fan girls come up to me today after practice. They wouldn’t leave me alone, I just wanted to get back to you.”

You reached for his hand that was draped loosely around your waist. tenderly you took it and sighed.

“Well that just makes me burn with jealousy doesn’t it?” you yawned and closed your eyes.

He laughed softly and kissed your shoulder again.

“Oh I know. I’m so disloyal, you better keep me on a leash.”

“Not a bad idea. I know what you’re like. Can’t keep you away from those short girls.”

“mhm. You know they’re my favourite.”

shuffling even closer, he breathed in you’re scent, giving your hand a soft squeeze.

“Love you forever.”

“Love you, you dog.”

He laughed one more time, before you both settled into a peaceful sleep.

IWAIZUMI

homeboy is not the tallest guy out there, but boy oh boy, does he love tall girls

when he first saw you, he just knew he had to have you

he knows you could be a bit insecure having a boyfriend that isn’t much much bigger than you

so he tries to soothe you, make you feel little, make you feel like how other girls get to

there’s something about him, all muscle, his intensity, his confidence, it makes you melt and quiver beneath him

he loves taking control, making you his tiny baby that he knows you are, knows you want to be

It doesn’t hurt that he’s hung like a fucking horse either

“Aw, am I too big? Is my little girl too small for me? I’ll make it fit, don’t worry.”

he bullies his way further inside as you whine and grab at his built shoulder. He loves the sting of your nail in his back, almost as much as he loves your tight little pussy sucking him in bit by bit.

You’re sat on the kitchen counter, legs encircling his waist the whole way round. His fingers dig deep into your sides to keep you from squirming or wriggling away. He continues to push in, inch by inch as you clench your teeth at the stretch, until you’re full to the brim with him, cunt drooling on his throbbing erection.

“Fuck, so tight...” he mutters, more to himself than you. He’ll never get used to how good you feel, it’s always brand new.

You let out jagged breaths as he waits for you to adjust, burying your face in the small of his neck.

“You ok sweetheart?”

He’s desperate to move, but he needs to make sure you’re alright first.

“Yes, hajime... please,” you say, it comes out muffled with how you’re pressing your face into his neck.

He smiles softly.

“Are you feeling shy, pretty? That’s ok, do you want me to be gentle?”

You shake your head.

“Just tired hajime. P-Please move, you can go hard.”

He groaned as you tightened on him, like an invitation.

“Oh, such a good girl. Gonna give it to you good yeah?”

You inhaled as he drew back his hips, only his hips remaining inside you. Before you could do anything else, he slammed back into you, knocking you back with the force of it.

“Hajime!” you choked, eyes rolling back as he fucked you, good and deep. In his lower abdomen you could feel his tight, huge muscles jerking at the strain against you and your brain went fuzzy as he ground against that soft spot inside you.

Drilling your tiny hole, he growled at the hug of you pillowy walls, the wetness of the as his ears were filled with fwop fwop fwop.

“God, fuck, I love you,” he rasped, putting his full body weight into the sloppy impassioned thrusts.

“I-I love you so much, don’t stop hajime,” a breathy whisper was all you could muster, you felt like you had no control of the way you clung to him, his fat cock turning you to goo.

The two of you moan into the night like so many other, and melt into the feeling of being together. It’s really unfathomable the luxury you provide for each other, a love truly unmatched.

thanks for reading! if u enjoyed, reblogs are appreciated !

masterlist (again)

[filwld]

The kindest of sounds.

Please listen to this while reading:ON REPEAT

https://open.spotify.com/track/3Dgmyz32dxvtxvUTPS0CUI?si=cr2Bf3ouQ_KqinBREqullQ

Warnings: fluff. Kissing.. ig? Oh and some NSFW (;

—-

Here you are, staring at the damn piano again. The desire to play again always sits in the back of your head, itching for you to go and press the key just to hear the sound.

But, you never dared. Not wanting to maybe ruin it, but right now it seemed almost unbearable.

Growing up you had loved to play, you played everyday to express how you felt on the inside. Every key was another note freeing from your heart.

That all changed when your father decided to sell you to Lady Dimitrescu for coin. You were terrified when you first arrived, you were simply a women meant to be turned into wine. Then the lady herself changed her mind, making you a maid with the excuse of “we need more maids, now that I recall.”

At that time you believe her. You had to, what other choice DID you have. But looking back now you knew it was a lie, still a mystery as to why she changed her mind.

But after a year, you begin noticing a shadow always being near you whenever you cleaned. To large to be you, and to big to be another maid. You noticed, the scent of perfume in the air always. Sometimes stronger than most but still, it was always there. Always.

Then you noticed that Lady Dimitrescu would tell the head maid to assign you to clean rooms that were near wherever she was. If she was in the library you were in that hallway cleaning, if she was in the dining room you were cleaning that dining room.

Not noticing the way she would stare at you with curiosity but of course she kept a cold look on her face. Never showing any emotion.

She was the mistress of the house, she could not show such “weakness” especially around her staff.

She would sometimes ask you what else you have to do, or point out something you missed to clean.

Simple. Professional, always. Never did her voice or eyes give the idea of her interest in you. But the more time went by those questions would turn into “how are you today.” Or “If you’re tired you may take a break.”

Sometimes she would smile, while sipping her wine. Soon it became a routine, you would clean and she would watch and do whatever she was doing.

That went on for three or so months, Until the head maid called you to dining room that day and told you that you were from now on assigned as Lady Dimitrescu personal handmaiden.

You were scared of messing up, but.. you were more scared to disappoint your mistress. Oddly enough,

You two seemed to move well with eachother. She would wake up and you would walk in with her daily coffee (which of course had blood in it) with fresh clothes set out for her before exiting the room. Waiting outside,

Then she would walk out and head towards the library where she tends to do paperwork for most hours of the day. Depends on what day it is.

You would stand a few feet behind her and watch, the way her fingers would glide across the paper before dipping her quill in ink with the most perfect handwriting you’ve ever seen.

Afterwords she would head down to the dining room where you would of course set the table, supply the meals for her and her daughters (sometimes) and wait to refill her cup.

Then she would retire to her room to sleep, and this went on for awhile. Never did she say anything or of course give anything away.

You noticed though that when you handed her something her hand would touch yours much to long for it to be a accident.

Or the occasional “Thank you.”

Sometimes if she was in a good mood, she would smile and say “thank you darling.” It scared you how it sped up your heart , butterflies going off in your stomach.

It was just a simple nickname, darling. So innocent yet so intimate. The more you served her the more she trusted you. The more she trusted you , the more she showed you.

After months of this back and forth game it seemed. Her being kind to you, then cold.

You doing your job while feeling her stare, or her working and you staring at her.

It was like you two were dancing but not together, but around eachother.

Seeing who gives in first, with her getting more comfortable with you she talked to you more,

“Sit and have a drink with me.”

“How did you sleep?”

But your favorite was.

“You should smile more around me, I’m not going to hurt you dearest. I do find your smile the utmost comforting.”

You swear she heard the way your heart would race whenever she said that, because her smile would turn into a mischievous smirk. Just slightly.

Soon that smile appeared almost every time she made eye contact with you , soon those “accidental” hand brushes were now on purpose. Her staring down at you whenever you were infront of her smiling.

Sometimes she would put her hand on top of you head and pet you. As if rewarding you, and god did you love it.

And then.. everything changed, the way you stared at her changed. The way you thought her changed.. you realize that you had grown feelings over the time with her.

You tried hiding it, you had to! You didn’t know how your lady would react. She would surely send you back to be a random maid.

And.. you couldn’t bear it. So you tried hiding your blush whenever she looked your way, or the way your body shivered in delight whenever she touched you.

You hoped your theory that she could hear you heart beat was just a theory, because you couldn’t hide the way your heart skipped a beat or sped up around her.

You hoped she wouldn’t notice the change, the way you would shy away from her touch.

Yet. This is Lady Dimitrescu, the most observant women you’ve ever met.

She knew. But you didn’t know that part. Yet.

Walking into your ladies bedroom you were shocked to see her already out of bed and sitting at her desk staring out the window. The sun hitting her face , showing every wrinkle, every pore. Fully exposing her but.. she was gorgeous, you couldn’t even take your eyes off her. She was.. breath-taking. While staring at her you didn’t notice she had turned her head at the sound of her door opening and was staring back at you.

Embarrassed to have been caught you duck your head trying to hide the blush that was on your cheeks.

You heard her get up off her chair, heels clicking off the ground. You hear her come closer and closer to you, feeling hand grabbing your chin and lift you up , there she was. Your lady bent down to make direct eye contact with you, her face was so so close! You could feel her breath on your lips. Her eyes staring so deeply into yours, the golden glow was beautiful. Her hat resting on her head making a shadow , seemingly intimidating but not to you of course.

you just found it attractive, as you did with almost everything about her.

She stares at you , smiling.

“Darling... why do you hide this face from me. You know I dislike you hiding from me.” Lady Dimitrescu spoke softly to you, but her tone still stern.

You stare up at her opening and closing your mouth not knowing what to say.. what do you say?

“I’m sorry m’lady it won’t happen again..” you whisper out , to nervous to even move.

Her hand on your chin moved to your cheek rubbing a thumb up and down. You try so hard not to lean into it, and it seemed as though she noticed.

Of course she did.

chuckling , her thumb went towards your lip. Grazing it, her eyes leaving yours to stare at your lips.

“You think I don’t notice the way you look at me ?” Lady Dimitrescu said to you, at that moment you felt your heart stop. Scared, nervous, worried. Everything in your head told you to run for it, but the grip on your chin tightened and a hand was soon wrapping around your waist, not a second later you were lifted up now at eye level with the woman.

Letting out a loud gasp you wrap your arms around her neck in fear of falling.

Staring deep into her eyes , yet again she speaks.

“I noticed the way you looked at me so long ago, but.. I’m the utmost surprised you didn’t notice the way I looked at you.” She continued , shocked at what you just heard. No way.. your lady felt the same.. not a second later everything clicked, the shadow, the perfume. The smiles, the hand touches. Everything.

Alcina chuckles at the shocked look you held.

After a moment you respond , “my lady..?” Still not quite believing your ears.

Alcina sighs before pulling you close you squeak like a mouse at the closeness.

“Must I just show you?” Alcina said, before taking you by the back of your head and kissing you.

Gasping you kiss her back, running your fingers through her hair.

“Alcina..” you whispered out when you backed from a kiss, first time ever saying her name her eyes widen before looking at you fondly continuing the kiss. Backing you up into a wall and you two just stay there, kissing feeling eachother, exploring.

Alcina backs away, staring at you before chuckling taking you away from the wall and you turn to see where she’s taking you and blush wildly.

Alcina was walking you to her bed, laying you down on it she straddled you being very careful about her size leaning down to kiss you again.

Alcina kisses your lips to your cheeks to your right ear,

“Let me show you how I feel about you..”

Then again.. everything changed, but this time. For the better.

That was about 7 months ago. Your relationship was rocky at first, because of the fact she didn’t know how to be compassionate with a human. But she tried, and that’s all you could ask for.

You told her a lot about yourself. But never about the piano, you look around to make sure no one was near before almost sprinting to the piano.

Sitting down you felt a familiar feeling. As if you were right back at home, away from your father, away from the responsibilities of your drunken father.

You felt peaceful. More than you usually do, like the piano was calling you for awhile. To return home.

With a slightly shaky hand you touch the keys..

You began playing the same song you always did,

The song starts here <—-

Fingers go against the keys fast, like you never took a break. You closed your eyes and just enjoyed the sound, the sound that made you feel so free,

You thought of everything that’s ever made you happy,

Your favorite meal, your favorite animal,

Alcina. The love of your life the women who forced her way into your heart without even trying.

You begin to feel the meaning of the song shift in your heart, and you began playing it as if she was right infront of you.

Eyes still closed you just listened and played letting your heart play the piano.

Alcina had been sitting in the library for about an hour waiting.

Waiting for her lover to walk through that door so she can pick you up and put you on her lap, as she always does.

But you weren’t showing up , annoyed she gets up out of her chair and walks out the door after bending down.

Walking down the halls of her home she hears the piano from the ball room playing, something she hasn’t ever heard be played. Just simply being there for decorating or because she felt like learning. She didn’t remember,

Walking towards the ball room she opened the door quietly as she could to take a peek of who was playing this beautiful melody.

To her wildest surprise it was you.

Alcina eyes widen as she stares at you, your eyes are closed like nothing else existed but the smile you had made Alcina smile herself, she feels herself fall for her little pet more and more everyday.

Walking over to you quietly she stood behind you, staring down at you as you play.

And just watched. You never noticed her and just kept playing, Alcina wanted so badly to run her fingers through your hair and kiss you. Rather she decided to watch this play out.

Soon the song came to an end. You sigh happily and lean back but feel a body right behind you jumping you turn around and go pale when you see Alcina staring down at you fondly, you had to look up so high that it hurt your neck because of her height.

You begin to stutter in fear you had upset her

“I’m so sorry my love I didn’t mean to-“ you were trying to say but she cut you off by placing her lips to your own after bending down.

Leaving the kiss a little to soon for your comfort,

Alcina chuckled moving a strand of hair behind your ear before taking a seat next to you turning her neck to look at you.

“My little dove.. why have you never told me that you played?” Alcina asked you, you blushed.

“I never thought it was important.” You replied to Alcina

She arches an eyebrow , leaning close to you almost a breath away from your lips staring deeply into your eyes

“Everything about you is important and I want to know all of you my dear. You simply shouldn’t hide such things from me, am I clear dove?” Alcina spoke out

You look at her fondly before cupping her cheek and kissing her, even sitting she was a lot taller than you. So she had to lean down of course.

She groans as your lips hit hers and Alcina quickly takes control of the kiss lifting you up and onto her lap where she likes you.

You wrap your arm around her neck pulling her closer,

“I won’t hide anymore from you my love, I swear it.”

You tell Alcina through the kiss,

Alcina pulls away to smile at you, before I quickly turned into a smirk that told you what was about to happen.

“Good, as it should be. But now let me show you how I play..” Alcina whispers into your ear, and grabs your hips with gentleness but roughness to let you know that she was very in the mood and you weren’t leaving that ballroom for awhile.

And well.. let’s say that piano isn’t going to have the same memory as before.

[selfcarecap]

Episode one of the sex lives of college girls:

(Btw I just read these notes and none of them make sense and I literally just watched it so Kendra if you read this, I’m not responsible if you have a stroke trying to undress what I’m saying. Seriously you can ignore this but I wrote this down so may as well post) actually I’ll tag you you have free will to ignore @kenniteaa

- not me seeing ‘essex’ and thinking it’s british for a second lmao (is it in esSEX on purpose…?😔)

- she is not 18. also i will take my teddy bear (who is not a bear but a penguin) with me forever, i can’t sleep with my arms just limp by my sides lmao

- the one girl’s dad looks like an AI

- okay i’m focussing more on these notes than the show so i will come back at the end (and kendra if you read this you probably don’t remember any details from the first episode anyway)

- i thought vermont was in canada……….. kiddiiiiiing i totally knew that it’s not !!! …

- not the mediocre looking podcast alpha male seeming men doing the sweaty shirtless run ew keep running pls

- i feel like there aren’t enough tears for a goodbye at college

- okay nvm the dad is crying lol

- i repeat i will stop the notes while watching

- not the tik tok girly shsjskks

- yay gay people!

- ‘i’m super sex positive more in theory than in practice’ lmao me

- yay more gay people!!!

- the blonde girl is just💀💀 (ah, her name is Leighton)

- ohh Canaan’s cute

- um what is going on 😭😭😭 you’re my first black friend 😃👍🏼😽🤭😝 #ally✊🏼

- omg Leighton’s not like the other girls i totally love her now 😊

- oh the mediocre guy is supposed to be hot

- lmao I love Bella

- and also Whitney

- I think (girl with shorter hair) is okay too i think she’s just awkward and tries too hard but like.. bless her ig 😭 but she’s also 💀💀💀💀

- ‘I like men not boys’ 😌😌😌

- Whitney’s coach (bf?) also looks like an AI. Actually idek if that makes sense but like he looks animated but really well but not super well compared to real people (i’ve been watching too much love death and robots 💀)

- Leighton’s giving everyone ipads? sgsjsjs okay she can stay 😁

- ohhhhh SHE’s timofy’s sister she looked exactly like him for a second, i didn’t know she was the chalamet (i still don’t know her name)

- also Leighton looks like someone but idk whooo, kind of Peyton List and Sydney Sweeney a tiny bit but no that’s not who I’m thinking about hmmm

- SIX HANDJOBS? 😭😭😭 okay this is not what i personally mean by sex positive but good for her, i hope they do actually vote for her tho

- I still don’t know Chalamet’s name BUT NOT HER BF BREAKING UP IMMEDIATELY AFTER THEY HAVE SEX BRO GO AND DIE (lol) 😭😭😭 also Kimberley??? That’s not her name I swear it’s not

- yayyyyy at least bela got in <333

- Dalton. What is this name. HIS WIFE??? THE AI HAS A WIFE I KNEW HE WAS DISHY (i was gonna put fishy but dishy sounds worse whatever that means) Whitney 😭😭😭🥺🥺

- ‘100$ is not a lot of money for jeans’ lmao

- okay I do love Bela but also 💀 ma’am. cringe but it seems like no one cares so

- WHO DOES LEIGHTON LOOK LIKE 😭😭😭

- wait i think she looks like shakira sgsjsjsk

- NOT THE EX ASKING IF HE CAN CONTINUE USING HER NETFLIXL

- they’re all so cute + awkward lol

- Nooo I hope Nico doesn’t use her vulnerability to get in her pants too😭

- not the girls being mad at BELA that their BOYFRIENDS cheated oof

- Whitney + Canaan yes sgsjskksks but lmaoo boys are so easy 💀

- yes MOREEE gay people although i’m not sure about Leighton as a person (hm she doesn’t look like shakira after all btw)

Ohhh so I liked it a lot!!! The vibes are kind of.. not what I’d usually go for idk I can’t explain it. But I like it 👀 I feel like either I’ll binge all of it tomorrow or it’ll take me months to finish tho💀 we will see.

Kendra if you did read this don’t worry I won’t talk about every episode like this dhsjsjs💀 or i won’t talk about every episode period

[ji-lixie]

hellooooo my love — how about pentagon & golcha for the ask game 🌼✨💖

hello my love!!

i ramble too much

for pentagon i'm unfamiliar aside from knowing & loving literally one song (daisy and im 99% sure thats bc of u!!)

I’ll listen to their top song on Spotify & tell you my thoughts

daisy is right underneath shine.... cursed bc i actually realLY WAIT

WAIT IS THIS THE ONE W THE FUCKING???? T*KTOK DANCES OR F*RTNITE DANCES OR WHATEVER???? I RECOGNIZE THT LIL BIT FROM VIDEOS ABT LIKE... KPOP CHOREO IN GENERAL...

oh hey this was the group dawn was a part of. id say i hope he's doing well but i'm actually pretty sure he is lmao

anyway shine slaps and i like the like. chorus ig??? its all good but i recognized the like... one line at the beginning immediately.

I’ll look up photos & tell you who stands out to me

uhhh im looking at group pics like last time which is probably not smart but: guy in the very middle in this picture, the two on the end here, and the guy who looks soft as hell w the blonde hair in this picture... hes kinda got teddy bear vibes in this pic tbh

I’ll tell you if I’d look into them more

i was abt to be like "time to add them to the list" but theyre already there adfkhsdf ill def have to listen more sometime!! shine + daisy are both v good and i feel like i'd enjoy more of their music if i actually sat down and listened fully :0

and for golcha... who r they? haha ive never seen bae seungmin in my life (drops pictures of him + my other beloveds) oh fuck oh shit--

favorite member / bias line

idk who my favorite is rn but its usually between bae seungmin + joochan + donghyun!! do not ask me why i dreamed of jangjun last night. i do not know.

seungmin is v funny and also i love his visuals and vocals and his dancing, joochan honestly seems to be a (cute) mess sometimes (the pasta...) + his vocals as well, and donghyun is a gamer boy and im weak for gamer boys as u may know. also he dance! :) altho i feel like i could def say tht like... all of golcha is funny lmao they are chaotic sometimes and i live for it <3 being bad at mafia is a small price to pay.

which member I’d fight (& why)

.... probably jangjun for dabbing in damdadi. some crimes cannot be forgiven sdfkhsdf he'd probably beat my ass bc i'm p sure the guy works out a lot but i'd still try.

other than that, i dont think there's anyone i'd fight??? i'd feel bad and also they could all def kick my ass unless we're going shorties vs the rest of golcha lmao even tho seungmin is almost definitely taller than me but we could kick his groups ass

favorite song(s)

that feeling + ddara + wannabe are all somewhere in my top golcha songs tbh? ra pam pam + without you also!! :0 but they have a lot of good songs, esp older ones, that im just leaving out lol (with me is on my repeat playlist for a reason...)

favorite thing about the group

god. so like. i feel like its a lil obvious to go 'oh i love their music' but literally i love how strong all of their songs seem to be. damdadi slaps so fuckin hard, especially to debut with? i feel like their choreography is always really on point and even if their line distribution isnt equal, it genuinely feels like they all do get to shine? i think typically its their dancers who get less lines (which makes sense to me) compared to vocalists + rappers, but it never really feels super unfair?

idk they also cover other groups pretty well imo but that might just be me being biased toward them lol i just think abt the time they covered fear by svt sometimes like??? also their aju nice cover... the original def has a distinct sound that u cant replicate but i do appreciate the golcha cover esp bc i think that was way closer to their debut??? proud of them <3

something i’d like to see from them

give my man his solo song. dont be shy. also give jibeom his solo song for ursa. it's what we deserve.

besides that... i dunno. i feel like ra pam pam + ddara both were more in the vein of like. a sexier concept? and i do love them for tht lmao but i wouldn't mind seeing something softer with the full group? more in the realm of "singing in the rain" but it def doesnt have to go tht far imo!! just a warmer like... autumn date-esque concept if that makes sense.

thank u my beloved i am love them and, more importantly, U!!! <3 i hope u are having a good day ily!!

[frenchphobic]

long fucking post on why a c!dream is a shitty person and probably should not have a redemption because it is unpog

honestly i just want to refute dream apologists thats why im making this post. i think that dream as a villain is interesting but i think that trying to make him out to be secretly a good guy is just bad ngl. also /roleplay and all

tw for abuse and mentions of suicide

dream as a villain

dream is a villain. he is chaotic evil according to wilbur, deliberately does not stream to appear less sympathetic (and yet), and is set up as an antagonist to tommy who bears the title ‘hero’. dream is not a good person, no matter how you look at it or try to justify his actions.

‘but he wants to unite everyone to be a big family :((’ the ends dont justify the means believe it or not. having a vaguely positive goal does not excuse the actions you’ve done. it also goes hand and hand with saying dream is correct for punishing tommy the way he did because he acted up. if i socked you across the face and then suddenly said ‘sorry there was a roach on ur face’ does that make it okay? probably not i still punched you, enacting an unnecessary amount of violence. thats a very simple analogy i will admit and there are more complex comparisons. another example off the top of my head is say a child just scribbled all over you walls with crayons. would hitting them be a justified answer? if u said hes thats really fucked of u go seek help u loon. violence as a punishment is very toxic, just because it gets the job done does not mean it is okay. at the end of the day, you still committed this act and the harm you caused is real, having a good motive doesnt suddenly make it okay.

‘but tommy causes all of the conflict’ the disk war wasnt even caused by tommy, it was sapnap and then tommy got involved. and the reason why tommy even caused conflict was because of the discs, because he wanted them back. and most of the time there was a level of antagonism from another party, such as schlatt exiling him, dream taking the disks in the first place, dream threatening l’manberg. and if dream wanted to end the conflict so badly, why didnt he just give tommy back his disks? tommy upfront said everything started with the disks, so he wants them back so he could end the conflict. notice how after tommy got his disks back he has been staying out of conflict, apologizing to everyone, and the only bad thing hes done is try to scam people but everyone does that. this would have been the most peaceful option, yet dream chose the path that would further antagonize tommy which then draws everyone else into conflict. why did dream need to have leverage over tommy so badly? why did he want to hold power over tommy so badly? its because of control, and that’s ultimately dreams end goal. sure he wants a big server family, but would said family have a free will?

‘but dream is sad’ the thing is dream is completely at fault for everything that happened to him. he pushed away sapnap (and george ig). he tried to take control over the server and their possessions. literally everything that happened to tommy. literally everything involving ranboo. villains can be sympathetic, i am not arguing against that. but it does not mean that they should be left off the hook. that doesnt mean u should ignore the shit theyve done because ‘oh no theyre sad’ because it doesnt make anything better. dream had this shit coming for him.

now people also skirt around calling dream an abuser. which is fair ig, its a very loaded word. its much easier to say manipulated. that being said, dream can classify as abusive. and no, tommy is not abusive. abuse is about control and a power imbalance. dream has power over tommy, but tommy does not have power over dream, at least not in the way dream does. he’s taking back power to stand up for himself, dream uses power to control.

the reasons i listed for why dream is from the Domestic Abuse Intervention Project so if u want a source on that, there you go.

using coercion or threats: dream often threatened tommy, such as the pit thing and often employed violence on him. while normally this could be attributed to Normal Minecraft Player Go Smack. minecraft mechanics cannot always translate to real world since violence is pretty normal in minecraft however we also need to consider the context of the scene. dream gave an order, tommy refused, dream applies violence, tommy submitted. thats why its a threat, it has tangible effects that can correlate to real life.

using intimidation: dream blew up logsteadshire as a punishment. dream also destroyed tommys items anytime he visited. dream also hit tommy with his axe i believe. he killed mushroom henry, one of tommys pets.

Using Emotional Abuse: dream guiltripped the shit out of tommy for just hiding things and pinning the blame on tommy for just wanting his own private items. he definitely played mind games on tommy, pretending to be his friend. honestly i probably dont even need to go as in depth because it was so obvious.

Using Isolation: putting him in exile in the first place. destroying the bether portal so no one could visit tommy anymore. i really dont think i need to expand upon that.

Minimizing, Denying, and Blaming: dream in tommys stream when he got trapped said that exile wasnt that bad. he does shift the blame onto tommy for logsteadshire being blown up, even though dreams reaction was entirely unjustified for not listening and hiding.

Using Economic Abuse: see this is where i attempt to parallel minecraft mechanics to real life. obviously, there is no monetary system in place, so when i mean economic, i will use valuables such as armor, food, etc in place of currency. the idea behind economic abuse is to limit the victim’s resources so that they are dependent on the abuser and cannot escape. dream only really allowed tommy to have the armor he gave him while not giving access to armor so he does not regain a sense of power, and in the prison stream, dream holds all the potatoes which puts him in a position of power over tommy. this argument is more ambiguous i feel cause the whole minecraft mechanics thing is kinda weird so u don’t necessarily have to take this part in.

i feel like i need to emphasize this very strongly because dream is not a good person. abuse cannot and should not be a response to someone. its an awful mentality to have. i just want to prove the point that dream is not a good person, his reasons absolutely do not justify his actions.

what makes a good redemption

redemption arcs are tricky. when done right they are great. when done poorly, its a slap in the face. rn im going to establish a formula to what makes a good redemption with an example.

the most well known example of a good redemption is zuko from atla. first, its the magnitude of what theyve done and why. zuko did commit some shitty actions, since he was in a position of power in the fire nation but its because he is a child being abused and wanted to regain honor. zukos real awful acts was season 1 and the whole betrayal thing. thats not to say that zukos actions suddenly are okay, he did shitty things. but its something that can be traced to a higher entity or seem less malicious then the other villains. the thing also about the magnitude of actions is that there is a certain point of atrocities that there is no redemption. some people simply cannot be redeemed because the actions they commit are so ingrained in their character or the action itself has serious moral issues that it would just be wrong.

the next is acknowleding what they did was wrong. a genuine reflection on the self and analyzing what they did and why it was not okay. zuko realized what he did to uncle iroh was bad for example. he turned his back on his father, realizing he didnt and shouldnt seek acknowledgment from someone as heinous as him. its pointing out your actions and going ‘hey, this wasnt right i should not have done this’ and not even excusing ur actions. its also going straight for the root of the problem and figuring out to stamp it from the source. just because a character is sad does not mean they are reflecting, sometimes they are attempting to garner pity. it has to be direct and clear acknowledgement of the injustice.

and finally, an important part about redemption arcs is the actual redemption part. its when you make amends. zuko made amends with katara by trying to help her get revenge, he fought against the fire nation and tried to make things more peaceful in his rule. he apologized to iroh. an important part of the amends section is that it does have to be a genuine desire to change and become a better person, not to change a person’s perception of you. the thing is u cant expect a person youve hurt to forgive you. you cant expect people to be sympathetic towards you nor should u attempt to make urself sympathetic. u shouldnt be expecting a pat on the back or an award. redemption is about internal and character change.

why dream should not be redeemed

ive already established the key points to a good redemption (imo) but heres where dream falls short. his actions are extremely heavy so redemption may not even really be possible. abuse is not something you can wave off so it does cross to the point of fucked up. acknowledgement of what he did was wrong? all he said was that he changed, yet never explained why he changed or was too vague. he needed to label specifically what he did and bring it up. attempting to make amends? he’s been doing the exact opposite in fact he continues to manipulate tommy and ranboo. its not a genuine change. he is still repeating the cycle and has given no indication of ceasing. at the moment he does not have any signs of redemption.

and the thing is most of the attention around a dream redemption comes from either justifying his motives (which i do want to emphasize does not make anything suddenly okay) and because he is sad in prison sad face. these are not good reasons. its gonna pain me severely to bring this up but snape from harry potter does have some form of sad character ig yet he very much abused his authority to bully children as old as 11 just because he said ‘aight gonna die’ doesnt suddenly make his general bigotry and abuse suddenly okay there is a threshold. again im so sorry for using harry potter as an example none were coming to mind and i needed a popular one i do not like harry potter please dont say i do i would pass away.

and the last thing to consider is the audience. keep in mind that the audience is composed of minors and while yes there are adults, minors are the main component of the fandom. keep in mind that there are quite a few people who can relate to tommys character because they might be in the same position or have gone through his experiences. tell me what kind of message does it send to that audience that abusers can be redeemed. this is not a narrative u should push to this audience in these situations and the writers are seemingly aware of it. remember how in exile tommy spiraled into a suicidal mentality? consider how fucked of a message it would be if he just committed suicide instead of escaping abuse and attempting to recover from his experiences. tommy did an excellent job in not going that route and having a message of ‘it will not get better’. its the same thing here. victims are not obligated to care for or forgive their abuser, and portraying an abuser as sympathetic might fuck with the message a lot, even change their perception in that ‘oh, maybe my abuser was right, maybe they had a reason for treating me the way they did’. this is not to say that every victim watching this will internalize this message, but people also look up to these characters. there can be a degree of influence from the story onto oneself and thats the dangerous part.

conclusion

all in all dream is a shitbag asshole and probably shouldnt get a redemption because it would not be pog thanks for coming to my ted talk.

[bijvoorbeeldja]

IG Famous!Sander Chapter 4

DY notice? The POV chapters each begin with the same line. That’s ~soulmate~ energy

Catch up: Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3

..............

Chapter 4: Robbe

Robbe was buzzing with a kind of nervous energy. 

He’d finally agreed to meet up with the boys at the park — somewhat reluctantly, somewhat anxiously — for reasons he didn’t completely understand. He closed the group chat, his fingers thumbing back to the boy’s — Sander’s — profile before he could stop himself. 

His stomach was doing little flips he did not appreciate as he carefully scrolled through each of his photos. It was obnoxious how good-looking he was. How confident he appeared. Robbe wished he had some of it. He tried to keep his fingers still, stopping himself from automatically double-tapping (oh my god, the nightmare that would be, he thought to himself) any of the aesthetically-pleasing photos he saw. 

God, he was attractive. And talented. And hot. Did he mention hot? But even if Robbe wasn’t up-to-date with the happening on social media, or in-the-know with the whos-whos of popular figures in his town, he knew these kinds of boys. Good-looking, but knew it. Too cool for anyone. Untouchable. So there was literally no point in torturing himself with images of this supermodel boy and his tan skin and his perfect life. There was no point in torturing himself with the idea that this boy was wondering about him. It meant nothing. 

Yet, he was still thinking about it as he skated to the park, music blasting from his earbuds. Why had Sander even bothered asking that photographer about him? There was nothing even remotely captivating about him, even in a photo with nice composition or cool colors. It was just a comment, he told himself. Those social media types were all about engagement, right? 

But despite this script that he kept repeating to himself all the way to the park, his stomach was in knots. Nervous tumbles that wouldn’t let up, especially when he thought back to this morning, when he had been scrolling Sander’s feed. He’d returned to the top and refreshed out of habit. As he did, he jumped slightly as a new photo popped up, recently posted. A selfie. A shirtless selfie. Robbe’s mouth was suddenly dry and he felt himself turning red as he remembered the image. Morning light drifting over Sander’s lightly-browned skin, illuminating muscles and ridges...

Then, suddenly, he was flung backward. He’d hit a bump coming into the park and had landed hard on the ground, his skateboard rolling out from under him. Except, it wasn’t a bump. He’d run smack into someone, who was already talking, apologizing. 

“Geez, I’m sorry, I wasn’t—” but he stopped. 

“Oh. My God.” Robbe said, and while he’d meant his tone to be apologetic — it was him who hadn’t been paying attention — it was those damn ridges, after all… his strained voice came out more...shocked. Because standing over him, already reaching down to pull him up, was a tall boy, with a shock of bleached-blonde hair and a camera slung over his shoulder. The boy. Sander.

Robbe tried to speak again, but his mouth was desert dry and his face felt like it was on fire. Plus, everything in his brain was reduced to punctuation: ? and !. 

“Oh, uhm. I. Sorry,” Robbe finally managed, voice rasping.

Sander was still holding out his hand, but it looked like he considered drawing it back. A dark blush was creeping up his neck and cheeks. 

“No, it’s...uh, it’s my fault. I...I wasn’t looking where I was going.” He seemed to regain some composure, leaning down again to offer his hand to Robbe, seeming confident now. How did he manage that?

Robbe’s stomach flipped as he grabbed Sander’s hand, letting him be pulled upright. He tried not to think about the warmth, the softness of Sander’s palm, the length of his fingers curling around Robbe’s. Was his stomach going to just be an endless tangle of knots? His thoughts an endless !!!! ?

“Are you okay?” Sander asked, sounding genuinely worried.

Robbe nodded and brushed himself off, focusing on gathering his things carefully, as if that would distract his blush away. Sander walked over, picking up his skateboard from where it had landed near a bench and handed it back to him. Before Robbe could stop himself, he heard himself speak.

“You’re...Sander Driesen?”

Sander’s face fell a little, looking sheepish now. 

“Oh, you...you know me?”

If Robbe had been confident enough, he would’ve said, “And you know me.” But he didn’t. He just looked at Sander, face still bearing the blushing results of this entire exchange.

“Well, yeah,” Robbe said, trying to clear his throat. He definitely wasn’t about to mention the many, many minutes he’d spent staring at Sander’s abs. Or that he’d been led to his profile in the first place because his friends had basically Nancy Drew’d his comment from a random photo of him.  Or that he knew that Sander knew who he was. 

“From..you know...Instagram?” Robbe said, smiling slightly. “All the kids at my school won’t shut up about you.”

Sander laughed. “Oh! Well, I guess...I’m sorry about that. I’m...definitely not worth talking about.”

“Well,” Robbe said, shrugging. “I think your 500,000 followers would disagree.”

At this, Sander lifted an eyebrow. “Oh, so you really keep tabs on me, then?”

Robbe was sure his face was on fire. In fact, his whole body was probably igniting into flames this very moment. Goodbye, world.

“Right,” he said, looking anywhere but at the very attractive boy lifting very attractive eyebrows at him. “I guess I better—” Robbe was gripping his board and starting to walk away, but Sander spoke again.

“Look, I’m sorry again, ….” he paused, waiting for him to offer up his name.

“Oh. Robbe. I’m Robbe.”

Sander smiled, a deep smile that seemed to reach to his eyes. It made Robbe a little woozy. Was he breathing?

“Nice to meet you, Robbe.” 

[vaguely-concerned]

I rewatched the mandalorian episode 8 and boy have I got feels for you

- lol gideon’s callouts to all of them though... you have ‘hey cara remember how we blew up your entire planet and killed your fellow soldiers’ and ‘hey din djarin yeah I know who you are lol the mysterious stranger thing doesn’t work on me remember how we apparently murdered a bunch of mandalorian children in one night’ (that’s how I’m taking ‘mandalorian recruits’ anyway) and then finally there’s just ‘greef karga. you’re really old enough to know better.’ 

- oh bb!din doesn’t cry at any point during the whole flashback :((( bb boy. he’s of course terrified but there are no tears. I’m guessing he’s in shock/dissociated the entire time. (probably also due to having a child actor but I think it makes a lot of sense in-universe too! to put on my trauma hat for a moment he’s always read to me as a combined freeze/flight type; he either dissociates or loses himself in work. I suppose he got started early) 

- the look on Papa Djarin’s (I mean I assume) face as tiny din reaches out for him and he knows he has to turn away and leave to save him :) exquisite burning agony

I still wonder so much what his parents did for a living. those red robes look almost like uniforms/religious garb to me or it might of course just be the fashion in this place, people in the background seem to be wearing similar things. 

- I LOVE the mando who saves him as a kid because that’s apparently the same actor who’s in the mando suit when it’s not pedro pascal or another stuntman (brendan wayne, I think it is?) so it gives this wonderful feeling that you get now where a lot of din’s body language and general bearing comes from but there’s also just enough difference that it’s clearly another person. with din there’s always this edge of reserve and a slight stiffness no matter how relaxed he is, and this guy has the same basic steadiness as him but seems a bit more open just from these few short shots. (there might be a little bit of character design in this as well -- din’s shoulder pauldrons are naturally uh ‘higher’ than this guy’s, who has smoother/flatter and more rounded shapes, giving the feeling of shoulders just slightly raised and relaxed down respectively)

it’s nice to see the mandos as a protective force even if they have the death watch symbol there to make you go ‘?!?!?!’, there wasn’t a lot of that in clone wars but it’s an ill wind and so on I guess 

- this confused jawa looking at the dead stormtroopers is everything. don’t worry you’re doing amazing sweetie

- the context for why din picks up the e-web (channeling the spirit of baze malbus, a man who also didn’t let the fact that his weapon was really meant to be mounted on a tank stop him :’) ) makes it even better: he sees that IG-11 has the baby and that he’s getting overwhelmed and he literally grabs the biggest gun he can find and goes to town to let him get away.  

- “I haven’t heard that name spoken since I was a child” ooof but also what are the logistics of that? I’m wondering if it might be the ‘Djarin’ part, if that’s his family name? maybe there hasn’t been a use for that among the mandos? surely someone has needed to call him by name somehow at some point in the last 30+ years lol

- one of the reasons gideon works so well as a villain is that he can get past the beskar. he knows exactly how to kill mandalorians because he’s done it before. he’s not only a huge threat emotionally -- he wants the baby and he’s done some fucked up shit to din’s culture -- he’s also one of the few people who can nullify the physical protection of our main boi in the helmet. and that scares me. because he’s my dad and I love him.

- I’m fairly sure din is properly unconscious for almost half a minute there. (which is very very bad. always go see a doctor if you lose consciousness after hitting your head if an IG unit with appropriate training and equipment is not on hand)   

- baby yoda passing out after doing one (admittedly spectacular) thing is a wholeass mood, #same buddy ilu 

- din is the first person to explicitly call the baby a foundling ;____;

- poor cara she’s already lost so much and her new bro is trying to convince her to let him throw himself on any sword made available to him. (I do love that neither she nor IG-11 buy mando’s bullshit for a moment here tho lol they’re openly saying they’ll take him with them anyway while he’s listening) 

- oh. oh din starting to jumble his words even as the gun remains rock steady in his hand is hitting me really hard this time. ow.

- I think the baby can sense din and IG coming (he gives a little sound right before they show up) 

- when cara checks in with him in the tunnel she touches her fingers to his chest so very lightly and he almost falls over backwards sdfaksdljhf

- well he definitely is trembling while picking up that helmet from the pile. so have fun knowing that with me 

it’s so messed up too because there’s not that many of them left; he’s all but guaranteed to have known every single one of them. 

- this image of him on his knees in front of this pile of the empty armor of the dead feels. I don’t know how to describe it but like a repeat. like he has been here before, this isn’t the first time and it’s hitting him all over again. (considering how things have been going for the mandos recently that might very well be true too. metaphorically this is essentially what’s going on in the background of the entire show, anyway. Friends I think mando Saw Some Shit during the night of a thousand tears or a similar event) 

maybe what gives me this feeling is how clearly he is in another time in some way during this part, before the armorer diagnoses him with Dad and brings him properly back. he’s trying to send them away with the baby, who’s like. basically the symbol of his will to live at this point. “I can’t leave it this way”, he can’t leave the dead behind and be alive, some part of him wants to stay with them. 

you can see this from how he talks about the baby too: in the scene where he’s hurt and trying to get them to leave he consistently calls him the child or the baby (not to mention the first foundling we get!) and focuses very specifically on keeping him safe. in this triggered state the baby briefly becomes it again and he doesn’t even mention him, he just tells them to take his ship and leave. in that moment all he wants to do is fight and probably die on behalf of those who are already gone. (I think bessel van der kolk has called PTSD ‘a profound loyalty to that which is lost’ or something like that. that rings very true to me here)  

the talk with the armorer is basically a very short debate between ol’ coping mechanism!din being like ‘hey I just remembered before all this I was doing my very best to work myself to an early and likely shallow grave, I should get back to that’ and Papa Wolf!din being like ‘except this is my son so we’re not doing that we’re gonna have to improvise something new on the fly here’. bless. 

(all of this is so subjective and probably me reading things into it that don’t really exist so don’t quote me on any of this but his anger at greef karga sounds to me like that of a younger, emotionally rawer man too, it’s so openly hurt and... active? I guess? these days when he gets angry he seems to tend more towards getting deathly quiet. then again this is one of the most genuinely upsetting things in the whole show so it could just be that)  

- hahahahahaha greef rests his hand on his gun before he follows them into the armorer’s workshop; it would seem he did not think it guaranteed either she or maybe especially mando wouldn’t try to shoot him  

- the way the armorer’s voice gains a brightness/warmth when she sees the child! the mandalorian ‘protect babies’ instinct in action haha, she’s like ‘oh this is why you did this bugfuck insane thing. perfectly reasonable, keep up the good work’.  the foundlings are the future is not just lip service it really is a central tenet of their culture even when it’s inconvenient 

there’s this sense that... in the face of his hurt she’s basically telling him to go be alive, to raise this child, to choose surviving and healing. I think she understands him very very well, I wonder how long they’ve known each other. (she had the mould for his signet ready <3)

- he sounds so crestfallen and lost when he asks if the baby is an enemy. and then she’s just fondly like ‘no it’s your son you absolute dummy’ and he’s like ‘...yeah I know’ 

- I. love that in these scenes he’s hurt (and not just physically) and other people are there to carry the baby until he can pick him up at the end fully as a father would.  

- I have talked about it before but I must restate how hilarious and endearing I find it that mando conscientiously leans the thing he tries to pry the boat loose with against the wall again while cara shoots the place up. one is never too busy to mind one’s manners. (this scene really showcases each of the characters too. greef: just keep fuckn pushing! mando: briefly kicks the thing with a growl then tries attacking the problem from a new angle. cara: GUN.) 

- oh the absolute sweetness of how IG says “And you will live”. there’s so much emotion in his droid voice there and all of it is peaceful and affectionate. I agree with din IG don’t goooooooo don’t leave us we need an adult

I keep whispering ‘pls someone think to shield the baby’s eyes’ through my tears in this scene, he didn’t need to see that happen D:

- I really need to repeat that despite what IG-11 says, he goes ahead with his plan anyway even though mando never satisfies his ‘programming’s’ demand. droid’s got free will and a huge big heart Y___________Y anyway... droid rights in the star wars universe when (...it would be very funny if din became embroiled in that fight somehow after this, oh how the turntables) 

- another continuity error: mando puts the jetpack on, then we get a shot of cara shooting and he’s standing there with it in his hands again haha. unless he realized he put it on upside down the first time around or something that seems unlikely. (he’s also lying in slightly different positions between cuts in the scene where IG-11 heals him, but that’s so small and subtle I don’t even really count it) 

- the jetpack scene is a beautiful encapsulation of din’s fighting style. he flails and gets jerked around a lot. he nearly blows himself up. I don’t think he’s fully in control of anything that whole time. and yet he gets the job done yet again. a disaster, but a glorious disaster still standing at the end of it all. one simply must stan. 

- a) I think din remembered how to take off better than he remembered how to land haha and b) BABY’S HAPPY LITTLE FACE WATCHING HIS DAD COME BACK DOWN c) THE BABY & MANDO MUSIC PLAYING WHEN DIN NOTICES THE BABY CLUTCHING HIS LEG *elmo surrounded by flames gif* (it’s a calmer/more grounded version of the same song that plays when they have that moment of connection right before the other mandos come to the rescue in ep 3 and also a few other times)

- baby’s joyful little trilling sound when his dad turns his head to check on him 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 and he strokes the cape with such contentment because it’s a safe familiar texture because this is his dAD (officially and legally too now, mandalorian-wise :’) im so happy)

- the unsympathetic comedy stormtroopers at the beginning could conceivably have survived (if not uh happily lol). if they become a recurring duo who show up and get more and more screwed every time I wouldn’t be mad haha

- I support these jawas in everything they do, I feel a great kinship with these lil goblins 

- anyway I love this show so much and I hope season 2 is good too and knows it holds my fragile heart in its hands 

[fmdjaewonarchive]

...i realized today marks exactly three years since i brought jaewon to famed. what the fuck.

(long, rambly ooc post incoming.)

three years,,, that’s such a long time what the fuck????? i most definitely didn’t expect to actually stick around that long. not that i was expecting to dip or whatever but you know, three years, who the hell looks three years into the future when doing anything? i sure as hell don’t. that might also have to do w the fact i’m stupid and haven’t had a singular thought in my life but oh well.

i know i write these stupid posts every year/every half a year so i’m going to try to not repeat myself too much eventhough i always end up doing exactly that. so uhm everyone that has dealt w/ multiple of my aniversary posts at this point pls bear w/ me.

it’s just really weird to think about how long it has been already, like i said, jaewon has been around for three years at this point and yuanjun is hitting the two year mark somewhere next month too. even minah and yena go way back at this point because i wrote minah once before bringing her back for this installment and yena twice so like... they’re all hags at this point.

the other month (? i think, time is fake) i know i tried to summarize to anthony how many muses i’ve exactly had in famed throughout the years and,,, i’m not gonna attempt that again cuz i didn’t even succeed the first time, leave alone that it was chronologically correct (imagine having good autobiographic memory, couldn’t be me) but it’s been a fuckton of muses yeah, take my word for it, there must’ve been between 10-20 of them easily and sure half of them (if not more) were flops but no matter how long or brief they lasted, it still means a lot i got to write and develop them to begin with.

but obviously, jaewon has been my prominent muse, he has a little bit first child syndrome, i will always just be a little more invested in him than i am in my other children (eventhough i do love them a lot). but i try to balance that out by being extra mean to jaewon, it’s just the circle of life. three years in and he’s still having the worst fucking time, hate that for him. but fr, eventhough he’s kinda a whiny bitch and suffers a lot, he has gone through some major character development over the years so,,, good for him ig maybe he’s not entirely awful. that’s as nice as i’m gonna get okay.

but again, like i said, i’ve been loving developing not only jaewon but also my other three current idiots and all those that came before them. even if some only lasted,,, a week at best. (or that one time i submitted an app and then dropped it before the muse was even accepted, kinda iconic of me ig)

i’m not gonna like, specifically thank people by name for the simple reason that i’ve made a lot of friends so far in my time in famed, loads of people who aren’t even around anymore but also plenty of people i still get to talk to every day whether i’ve met them three years ago or last week. everyone i’ve become really close with, you know who you are, and i appreciate you a lot. but in general i have a lot of for everyone within famed and i want to thank all of you for making the group so lovely, whether we speak daily or haven’t even spoken at all. i see u, i appreciate u.

ofc, every rule comes w/ it exceptions and as does this one because i do want to give a special shoutout to beth. this is a beth appreciation space okay. i think every place should be a beth appreciation space tbh. either way, beth, thank you so much for all the work you put into famed, you’ve been keeping this whole show running all by yourself for years at this point PLUS you’ve been dealing w my bitchass for three years and honestly, if that doesn’t earn you a nobel peace price idk what does. you’re doing a great job and we all appreciate your hard work so much, i love you!!! 

ok now i’m FINALLY gonna shut up, if you read this entire thing... what the fuck get a hobby or smth why would you do that to yourself? but uh yeah, sorry this got rambly and emotional but i’m a pisces so... it’s not my fault. either way, peace out fuckers, love you all. let’s see if we’re gonna do this whole thing all over again next year x.

[jacksallys]

Modern Family is amazing and I wholeheartedly recommend🥰

So, what's your favourite musical/musical song or generally song that you like to listen to distract yourself or to calm down?

Well, tomorrow you'll be after this slight change and for the next week everything will be more organised. Also, is it not possible for you to get the prescription? I'm sorry, I know it can be hard but,, your brain need it and it's important.

So don't question it!! I just like it and you know, I talk a lot, ramble even so it's nice to get every thought out there.

yeah !! might have to watch it tbh

lowkey literally only listened to two (mean girls + in the heights) but !!! they were very good and. i’m excited to listen to more tbh ?? have a lot of reccs and it’s fun. they’re just… kind of calming ig bc ?? u have to actually. Listen to know what’s going on. and they’re a good distraction ig

oh boy a song that. i listen to to calm me down??? well. i mean usually when i’m stressed i’m stupid and listen to. Not calming music but. reverberate by bears in trees usually gets put on a loop,,, or. lonely heart or something Not Loud? i mean earlier it was he could be the one on repeat but !! still

yeah !! good point. and it’s rlly not?? bc of u know corona my doctors isn’t really ?? Letting anyone have appointments which is valid but. ur also not allowed to get ur prescriptions put in over the phone anymore u have to like. do it through a website but !! to get a code and make an account for the website u have to go in and get an appointment w ur doctor !! but it’s fine i’ll just. struggle for a bit u know

very good point,,, it’s Nice to just. ramble and scream into the void that is someone’s ask box i guess

[blooming-inthedark]

the younger one.

Derek

I was in the drama department in high school, and being in drama was everything to me. It was the most fun I had in all my schooling. One of the main reasons I enjoyed this time was because of my drama peers. They were my closest friends and we did basically everything together, in and out of school. There was one class for each grade (9-12), but we would all have to come together during the schoolyear, so all four years were like a big family. We looked up to the older students and would feel abandoned once they graduated, but we would also fawn over how adorable or annoying each freshman class got each year that we inched closer to becoming seniors. Though we loved them, we of course carried this false sense of superiority over them since we were older. Like, play parents. So, I wouldn’t have believed you if you told me when senior year started that I would be in a relationship with one of those ‘kids’ by the time graduation rolled around.

His name was Derek. He was in the sophomore class, and he was also the younger brother of Shawna, a drama student who graduated the year before we did. Derek was cutie, man. And for a 15 year old, he had a really deep voice. I was attracted to him, yes. Our early *platonic* text conversations consisted of random things, and him telling me how fine he thought all the senior girls were in drama, and how much he wanted to kiss them, or whatever else. I would just kind of laugh about it and agree, but then one day he started talking about the things he wanted to do to me. And his young ass had me intrigued. So we started flirting and whatnot.

We kept it secret, because of the age gap. Only 2 years – but in high school that somehow seemed like a lot. The only person who knew we liked each other was my friend Teresa, because she talked to both me and Derek on a daily basis. Derek and I didn’t see each other much during the day because we didn’t want to seem obvious (lol) but we would hang out after school a lot because he was best friends with Larry. Larry was also in the sophomore class and he was my baby – again, that whole play parent thing. He had lupus, and he was so sweet. I was one of the few people with a car in our class, and I remember doing a lot of aimless riding around after school, sometimes to take friends home, sometimes to go eat or to another friend’s house. Derek and Larry might ride with me, along with Teresa, or one of my other friends, Sasha. I remember one night, Sasha, Derek, Larry and I were in my car and we played truth or dare. Derek and I were dared to kiss, so we did. That night, him and I were texting about all the dares and how we felt about them. He told me “Just so you know, I didn’t feel anything when we kissed.” I told him I didn’t either.

I’d say about 2 or 3 nights later, he texted me and said “Remember when I said I didn’t feel anything when we kissed? I was lying.” Eventually we decided to make it official. It was the start of my last semester, and I felt like I had earned Derek, because he was telling me about cutting ties with the 2 other girls that liked him, and how disappointed they were. I remember jokingly saying, “Oh well, I didn’t mean to upset anybody, maybe we should break up.” We were in the parking lot and he was putting something in my trunk. When I said that he stopped and had this horrified look on his face “No!” he said with panic and slight confusion. I told him it was a joke, regretting my words immediately. I worried that he would look at me as crazy for saying something like that, but he didn’t.

And we were the cutest couple, according to everyone in drama. Derek was the first boyfriend, at this point, that I wasn’t ashamed of. I liked holding his hand in public. I would sit on his lap in front of everyone we knew. I was so into him, and felt no reservations about PDA like I usually would. Even though Derek was younger than me, I felt like I had a good catch. He was cute, and many other girls thought so too. All my friends joked and called me a cradle robber, but I didn’t care. I was sprung off this boy. We got caught making out and feeling each other up in the black box theater by the new drama teacher one day after school because we just could not stay off each other. Derek was even my date to the senior prom.

Sometimes though, it felt like the adults around us didn’t like that we were together. Maybe because he was essentially a kid? I always got the vibe that his mother and sisters didn’t like me, because they were never very friendly towards me. And my mom just didn’t expect us to last very long, I guess. I remember having Derek over to our house once. We were watching TV in the den and my mom was back in her room. It was storming, and that moment I was secretly hoping for had finally happened - the power went out. So, there we were, in the dark, and it was a flash of privacy that we hadn’t been able to have anywhere else. It was finally time for Derek to do something he had always told me he wanted to do - give me head. But no sooner than he started, my mom yelled my name. “You taste like air,” he texted me later. It was all good, even up until graduation. But I was going off to college that fall and I had a feeling we wouldn’t last until then.

Somewhere in the first part of the summer, things changed. When we hung out, Derek would always be really focused on his phone. I found myself repeating questions and giving up on conversations because he was paying more attention to his text thread than me. One night, I went to his house and the whole time he sat on the couch texting someone. It was me, him, his older sister, and another girl from drama. We were all talking, interacting with each other, but Derek wasn’t all over me like usual. I sat on one couch, he sat on the other. I had to go and sit next to him for us to be close, and even then he didn’t acknowledge me. There was a really odd vibe that night. It was obvious Derek was acting different, and it felt like everyone in the room knew why except me. Periodically he would chuckle, but showed no excitement or enthusiasm when interacting with me. I finally got a glance in over his shoulder and realized he was texting one of the girls in his drama class. That was all I needed to see.

He didn’t like me anymore. His actions had shown this for a couple of weeks, and seeing him text the other girl was when it really hit. He had found something new and shiny, and I was the older, old news. Because I could sense it, I brought it up over the phone to him one night. I told him he seemed different and uninterested - like he was interested in someone new. After some time he finally said that yes, it was someone else. I didn’t bother asking who, because I knew. A couple months later, they were together.

My feelings were hurt. Of course. Derek was the first boyfriend that all of my friends knew about and saw me with often. He was the first cute guy that actually liked me and dated me. There was a mutual interest and attraction, unlike the other guys I talked to that I ended up getting tired of a few months later. After we broke up, Derek told me he wanted to still remain friends. We would text every now and then and it was cool. Present day we’re definitely cordial, but we don’t really talk. I’m not really sure what exactly he’s doing now, but if I really wanted to know, he’s only a Snapchat or IG DM away from me asking. No ill feelings on my end. Just one of those things you go through as a teen.

The reason I remember Derek is because though I felt special to him in the beginning, I always felt like I was possibly competing with other girls for his attention. I noticed how many female friends he had, and it made me nervous. I remember for Valentine’s Day, Derek got me a small stuffed dog and wrote me a letter, but got his ‘best friend’ Alicia a huge ass teddy bear and some chocolate. My whole body might as well have turned green, I was so jealous. I knew most of his female friends liked him, and I felt that at any given moment he would see that they could probably offer him something better than I could. I didn’t feel like I was attractive, I didn’t have curves, and I wasn’t having sex. Another girl could easily come and win him over; I was no competition. And eventually my fear came true. Now that I’m writing this out, I realize that I still carry this irrational fear with me as an adult. Whenever I’m talking to a guy, I wonder how long it will be before he loses interest, if he’ll think I’m boring, is he comparing me or my body to other women he’s dated, or if the fact that I’m a virgin will run him off. It’s ridiculous - many days, I wonder why I’m single because I’m honestly the best thing smokin. Other days I look back over my life and conclude that men who are truly interested in me only come along every few years, so it must be that I’m not the best. My confidence is a beautiful, soft bright rose with small thorns and dirt smudges. I know that I’m the only one responsible for picking it up to carefully pluck those thorns and dust it off, but sometimes I still hope that a nice man walks by and knows how to delicately do it for me. But I’m working on that.

Peace to you for reading.

[fourmiles]

this is for my future self shhh

1. depends on the beverage. (usually) water bottles.

2. depends. (usually) lollipops.

3. bubblegum

4. “curious & adventurous” i hated it

5. cans

6. depends; fluctuates between tomboy & formal + sportswear @ the gym

7. depends on my headspace. earbuds.

8. depends.

9. either the salt of the water at the beach or the smell of sweat mixed with sweet. idk if it’s from ice cream or perfume but smth about the sweet sweaty summer perspiration makes me jcjdjzjzkz happy

10. dodgeball + hockey.

11. oatmeal :/

12. imo 3

13. key ring

14. peppermints or liquorice

15. lord of the flies

16. as unladylike as possible? idk the names of seating positions

17. vans or converse. both’re black high tops.

18. cloudy w mild warmth or sunny with mild wind.

19. spooning my darth vader build a bear bear

20. note book

21. lego. always.

22. my mother and father.

23. idk if i would know my strange habits - that seems like smth someone else would notice and not myself. ig if i’m in a rush i’ll make my coffee and take it w me in the shower…that’s a bit strange.

24. black obsidian xox

25. oh wow. my mother used to sing me goodnight sweetheart by the platters when i was an infant. it was in 3 men and a baby which she had seen and adored before having me, so that song became the lullaby she was use for me. i still am comforted when i hear it - but it needs to be in her voice. it’s very important to me. yeah.

26. bike rides xox

27. tobogganing if i’m home but ideally skiing xox

28. tricky. i believe we’re constantly changing and evolving so this may not be the case in 4 years or 4 months or 4 days but for rn… crush by ethel cain, i don’t mind/too much by zayn, heaven and back by chase atlantic, and j’boss by jäde. last ones been on REPEAT lately

29. SKIP SMALL TALK

30. rooms that have been lived in. like, bedrooms w trinkets on desks and posters on walls. that, or quiet open spaces.

31. black blazer and black slacks with a white button down and a shiny silver ring on every finger. my energy babyyy >>

32. i’ve been dreaming of a true loves kiss, i cant believe you’ve done this, so no head, chipotle is my life, hi thx for checking in i’m still a piece of ~garbage~

33. yeah, anyway, oh. not phrases but anyway (??!)

34. TOO MANY

35. 23:00 but i try real hard for 22:00

36. oml the stupid one direction ones that were like “be amaZAYN” w like a super zoomed in picture like ST O P

37. depends.

38. depends

39. cake

40. school went on lockdown bc a girl passed out in gym class

41. my sister

42. jacket

43. leather

44. vanilla blackberry

45. idrk. if it’s done well i’ll watch it

46. near nothing or hoodie

47. i’m dairy free!

48. probably smth wack like a kiwi or a tangerine or smth.

49. everything in your life is a choice.

50. my uncle makes me laugh more than anyone in my life

51. school mainly

52. times new roman bc i’m a basic whore

53. rough skin around the knuckles bc it’s cold out

54. that nothing comes to you unless you earn it.

55. too many

56. too many

57. i’m still struggling wdym overcome

58. i’m not talented

59. “ah shit. here we go again.”

60. the one where they have these super odd powers that they don’t get and are tryna learn about while still being a ‘normal kid’ but no one questions their normalcy bc they were awkward to begin with.

61. “that’s all it is miles; a leap of faith.” from into the spider verse or “within this inch, we are free” from tryst six venom or “i don’t think i have it in me to be THAT scared abt smth that could be good.” from the wilds

62. riley luo, addie larue, lily calloway, toni shalifoe, peter parker, kate bishop, sue gilbert

63. 2stylish / crème / already best friends / i wanna see some ass / way out by jack harlow

64. fantage was my life but it passed away

65. yeah i have one on my knuckle from when i punched something in 8th grade oop

66. i could be a florist i love flowers so much. any and all.

67. i have a deck of cards that’s purple and has a unicorn on it. i bought it as a joke, but now i bring the deck with me if i’m nervous or stressed and it always results with a good day.

68. deep fried cheese and meat, particular lamb and steaks. anything incredibly greasy just- keep me away.

69. that women are born w all the eggs they will ever produce

70. right

71. idk

72. treacherous at math but i believe u can become good at anything and there’s nothing ur bad at forever if u intentionally learn and change.

73. ketchup on every👏thing

74. at least a 7 or 8

75. first grade

76. fries probably. or baked.

77. wouldn’t know

78. coffee from a gas station is water and probably would hurt my GI tract too bad so that one.

79. both’re shite

80. earth

81. fireflies

82. console

83. writing

84. depends

85. barbie

86. cookies

87. simple answer is spiders. hard answer is being alone.

88. world peace :p but fr to attain that i think ppl need to find a peace within themselves first? stop caring what other ppl think of u and love urself bc the standards ur destroying urself for are in constant fluctuation and are all for economic gain. just look at ur self, love every part, then go out and spread that love to ppl who don’t have it / see it in themselves. i think this occurs most effectively through kindness.

89. my family

90. being born XD

91. bags

92. sunlight then lamps then overhead lights

93. too many embarrassing inside jokes between my sisters and i but ultimately none.

94. autumn

95. notes or camera or safari probably

96. it’s the basic apple mountain range i haven’t changed it

97. 3

98. oh man. too too many.

weird asks that say a lot

in

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

7. earbuds or headphones?

8. movies or tv shows?

9. favorite smell in the summer?

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

12. name of your favorite playlist?

13. lanyard or key ring?

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

18. ideal weather?

19. sleeping position?

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

21. obsession from childhood?

22. role model?

23. strange habits?

24. favorite crystal?

25. first song you remember hearing?

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

28. five songs to describe you?

29. best way to bond with you?

30. places that you find sacred?

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

32. top five favorite vines?

33. most used phrase in your phone?

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

35. average time you fall asleep?

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

38. lemonade or tea?

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

41. last person you texted?

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

44. favorite scent for soap?

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

47. favorite type of cheese?

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

51. current stresses?

52. favorite font?

53. what is the current state of your hands?

54. what did you learn from your first job?

55. favorite fairy tale?

56. favorite tradition?

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

62. seven characters you relate to?

63. five songs that would play in your club?

64. favorite website from your childhood?

65. any permanent scars?

66. favorite flower(s)?

67. good luck charms?

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

70. left or right handed?

71. least favorite pattern?

72. worst subject?

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

82. pc or console?

83. writing or drawing?

84. podcasts or talk radio?

84. barbie or polly pocket?

85. fairy tales or mythology?

86. cookies or cupcakes?

87. your greatest fear?

88. your greatest wish?

89. who would you put before everyone else?

90. luckiest mistake?

91. boxes or bags?

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

93. nicknames?

94. favorite season?

95. favorite app on your phone?

96. desktop background?

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

98. favorite historical era?

[imnotcameraready]

chivalry is dead (19 [INTERMISSION 2])

A/N: cut to me rubbing my little fly hands together — i am SO excited to get this ball started that i’m literally boutta post 2 chapters, so bear with me here ,., also, posting them now because i’ve gotta go to work at around 11 and then dont wanna do posting/edits at like, midnight lmao 

bc that’s when im just gonna. keep writing., im so excited for this arc y’all im literally shaking

WARNINGS: massive descriptions of disassociation, being lightheaded, mentions of being dehydrated, mentions of not eating, threats of being pushed down the stairs, bandage mention ig? — i think that's all on this one!!!

Words: 1181

AO3 link!

MASTERPOST! <– look here!! for the longterm warnings!! including sympathetic Deceit and cursing/swearing!

enjoy !!! <3 <3 <3 <3 

“You’re in my world now, not your world~”

“Why are there so many stairs?”

“And I’ve got foes on the other side~”

“Wait, that’s not the lyric.”

“Sit down at my table~”

“.....Fine.”

“Put your mind at ease~”

“I put a spell on you~”

A small, tired laugh. “If you relax, it will enable me to do….”

“And now you’re mine~!”

“...Anything I please. I can read your future~”

“Be prepa-ared!”

“I can change it ‘round some, too~”

“Trust in me~”

More laughter. “Ironic.”

“Fuck off or I’ll drop you down the stairs. You started it!”

“I know, I know. It’s all almost done. I only hope Thomas is-I hope he’s okay.”

“Eh, who gives? He’ll be fine soon enough, don’t worry your bandages off. Come on, your gown is waiting.”

Thomas flicked his feet left and right, watching the television while paying absolutely zero attention while laying on the couch upside down. After failing to summon the Sides that morning, he’d gone to watch television, and found himself rewatching The Office again in a semi-binge state. It’d take a solid four days to watch it all but it wasn’t like Thomas had the motivation or drive to do anything else, despite the looming deadline on the new video’s script.

On any other day, he’d be able to hear Virgil screaming at him, Roman rushing around with ideas, butting heads with Logan over rewrites and edits. Patton’d pop in with some supportive words and an offer to make dinner sometimes.

But now? Now he wasn’t getting anything. It was as though all of his sides had clocked out at once — even Deceit and Remus weren’t delivering input. And whatever was holding back any of the other Sides he had (because, lets face it, Thomas had no idea how many Sides there were in total, especially not after Remus’ introduction) wasn’t letting up. So, using every ounce of deductive reasoning he had left, Thomas figured that he just. No longer had a personality.

The more he thought about that, though, the more he considered how irrational that would be. But he didn’t care enough to believe a separate reasoning? And didn’t have the focus, creativity, or capacity to think of a different explanation.

So, The Office. 

He had been sitting on this couch for upwards of twelve hours. Probably bordering on sixteen to seventeen hours, but he couldn’t count. It was long past sunset outside, perhaps the stars were out. 

An empty pizza box was sitting on the couch beside him. At least he had the common sense to eat one meal — an extra large pepperoni meal, but a meal nonetheless.

What the heck was happening?

The phone on his chin, balanced there out of boredom a few hours ago, buzzed and nearly fell off. 

Thomas’ hand smacked up to it, causing his phone to fall and hit his nose. That caused a chain reaction of him falling over, first sideways onto the couch, then rolling off the couch all together and onto the floor. 

So much for “nothing happening.” Thomas groaned as he pushed himself up onto his elbows and grabbed his phone, which had slid beneath the table. 

He flicked it on.

JOAN —> IMG0492.JPG

Ah. Thomas squinted and opened it. 

It was a Sanders Sides meme, one of the new templates. He covered his mouth and snorted with laughter, shaking his head. 

Another text from Joan dinged.

JOAN —> you alive? you missed prime coffee shop writing hours

Oh, heck. Thomas mentally chided himself. He and Joan were going to hunker down at a cafe and hash out the new script today to get it done before the deadline. Of course he forgot, like an absolute doofus. 

He began typing out a response. The thought of lying flitted through his mind, the excuse of being “out of it” wasn’t exactly the best reason. He thought for a second but he couldn’t even think of an adequate lie. Wow. Even Deceit had clocked out. Thomas probably should have tried to summon him, now that he thought about it. A little past time, but, oh well.

Alright, the truth. How the heck was he supposed to explain that he couldn’t think? Thomas pushed himself off the floor on his elbows, but winced as the weight seemed to leave his head almost immediately. He kept a hand on the couch as he sat up on his knees, one hand running through his hair and then resting on the back of his neck. 

How long had he been sitting upside down again? Goodness gracious. Part of him wanted to be worried about the repercussions of not having a coherent thought process, but the other was kinda singing Disney songs on repeat. 

In actuality, the most coherent thoughts he had held all day was the nonstop playlist of Disney songs that seemed to run through his head. 

At least that meant Roman was still kicking? That’s what that meant, right?

Oh, yeah, the text. Thomas pushed himself up onto the couch, ignoring how both of his legs seemed to be asleep, buzzing with the prickly pain of pinched nerves and a lack of blood. Lack of blood. All the blood was in his head. Heheheh. 

Gosh, he should sleep soon, he was getting light headed. Had he had any water today, actually? The thought of water made his throat run dry — no, no he hadn’t.

Focus, Sanders. He bit his tongue and typed out a response. Using both thumbs, because for some reason, his single-hand coordination was not working.  

THOMAS —> Yeah. Sorry about that, I think I’m sick or something. Haven’t been able to hold a thought all day and my head is super light.

JOAN —> thats fair, do you have tea or some soup? :( if youre that sick do you wanna push the script deadline a day or two? 

What did Thomas do to deserve Joan, they were always such a beacon of sunlight. He smiled to himself and responded as fast as he could while typing like a technologically illiterate fool, one letter per minute.

THOMAS —> That would be awesome. I’ve got tea, too. Think I’m gonna go to sleep soon though

THOMAS —> Could we push one day? And if you’re still not doing anything on Sunday, we could reschedule 

JOAN —> okay, I’ll let the team know. you get some sleep!!

JOAN —> I’m down for prime coffee shop o’clock on Sunday. 9 am at brewed awakening?

JOAN —> if you need some soupy soup let me know 

Then they sent a cat gif with hearts from Giphy. What an angel. 

Thomas exhaled and leaned back on the couch. He put his phone flat on his forehead, then crossed his arms. That was the best news to come out of today, honestly. One day was better than no days. And if he and Joan could mix up some good ideas on Sunday, then all the better. 

Hopefully that’d give the Sides enough time to figure out what the flip was happening in there.

taglists!

chivalry taglist: @starlightvirgil @forrestwyrm @daflangstlairde @marshmallow-the-panda @askthesnake @k9cat @patromlogil @theobsessor1 @ninja-wizard101 @fandomsofrandom

general taglist: @jemthebookworm @okay-finne

[b-ap]

[181117] B.A.P Forever Tour in Philadelphia - Highlight of my Life

This was really one of the best concerts I’ve ever gone to. Despite being skeptical of JSJ from the beginning, I was still willing to risk it and buy the tickets. I was debating for a while to drop $400 or not for m&g but when you think about it, it was only $30 per photo with each of the boys (+ a hat, hoodie, and whistle) so that’s HELLA worth it.  So I dropped nearly $600 for this concert but for real it was SO worth it. I was even willing to go down by bus all by myself and possibly wandering the streets of philly late at night for it but luckily was able to catch a ride! 

These two BABYz gave out numbers from the very beginning like they marked down if you were plat or baby package and in the end JSJ and fans actually honored them! It was really great cuz we were able to leave the line to go to the bathroom or get food! BABYz around me were so nice and friendly too ;u; When it was time to go in to soundcheck and for the concert, we all actually got in order! It was REALLY nice like wow thank you philly babyz!! We were let in a little late for soundcheck cuz apparently bap was doing some kind of interview?? As for soundcheck, it was sooOOOoooOOO good!!! They kinda mixed up plat and baby but oh well whatever I still got like 3rd row so *^* WOOHOO! The stage was up really high and the venue was quite small, but philly crowd’s passion was explosive and powerful!! At the beginning of soundcheck Zelo kept like peeking out from the backstage door *^* they were ODing the fog machine so you could only see silhouettes at the door sometimes OTL. Daehyun was the first to come out! He came in this big puffer jacket and had earphones and and was smiling so cutely!! That wonderful wonderful kitty smile!! OH MY HEART PLEASE HAVE MERCY!! And then the others came out! <3 Zelo was wearing like PJ pants lmao the same one he wore in that IG pic of him in the truck, jongup was wearing leather (i think.....), himchan wore the tour hoodie, and youngjae wore a long coat. BUT YEAH the first song they did was TMJ and the crowd was hella LIT!!! Like everyone was singing their lungs out and jumping and being really really excited! We all started jamming out hardcore at the very first note of TMJ and I just knew it was about to be epic. BAP was sooo happy!! They really enjoyed it as well!  And then they did DWIF and omfg daehyun was soooo cute cuz we were so loud during the OH!! part that he was like :O!!!!! and gave us two thumbs up!! The others were really happy too!! And then Zelo was controlling the crowd with his hands LOL like he was making us go side to side like a wave and then jongup was doing this weird dance too lmaooo we hyped up each other so much! It was soo much fun ;A; too bad we couldn’t record but JSJ got a ( video )~!! Like just listen to BABYz singing along at the beginning!! ( dh shocked at 0:41, thumbs up at 0:51)

We had to go back outside again after the concert and that’s when the line got a little messy since now there was also GA peeps and the sidewalk is only so big to fit like 3 different lines. But it worked out in the end and we got in order!! AND YA GIRL GOT FCKN 2ND ROW HEEEEEEEEELLLL YEAHH!! I had a GREAT view!! There was actually quite a lot of space and like NO pushing!! (except this one bishhhh but whatever that’s another story -.- i’ll delete her from my memory) But wow pit was fCKN great like wow the fanchants!! The whistles!! NO PUSHING!! LIKE WHAT WOOOW I LOVE YOU (this was an all standing venue btw). When we were waiting for the concert to start, they played a bunch of their songs and everyone was scream-singing the lyrics (well more like trying to LOL we can’t korean) We had our own bap concert with an empty stage lmaooo 

AND AHHHH BAP WAS SOOOO GOOD AT FANSERVICE!!! Himchan noticed me like several times i fucking cRy!! He looked and waved at mee TWICE and like gestured to focus on zelo for recording and taking pics when it was his part AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Like last year he saw me struggling in pit (cuz that was HELL) and looked worried I CRY and he smiled at me too huuuhuuu himchan youre a fckn angel I LOVE YOU!!! I made a half heart at daehyun and hE FCKN COMPLETED IT I WAS ABOUT TO FCKN DIE RIGHT THEN AND THERE LIKE !!!!!!!!!!!! JOngup threw so many hearts and kisses at the crowd and youngjae blew so many kisses!! They were waving as much as possible to fans and daehyun, bless his heart, kept saying thank you!!thank you!! at any chance he could get!

During Q&A, bap spent the longest time arguing about harry potter houses pmsl and then yj was just like idk i never watched it (shame on you bro) and then himchan was like EXPECTRO PATRONUM!! (nerrRRRddddd). Jongup said he was fckn Dobby like bruH thats not even a house!!! YJ was like forget this!! and said, “PASS!!” Himchan said that he was Slytherin and then jongup said that Himchan would be fkcn Snape and did this dramatic coat sweeping straightening up his back thing LOL so himchan said Jongup would be a muggle pmsl Zelo did like a broom riding imitation??? irdk.... Next question was what was your favorite song that you’ve ever made. Jongup answered Photo and sang a little of it (so then where is the studio version biiSHHHhh) but lol BABYz were like SEXY CLAP!!!!!! Youngjae pulled out a question, looked at it and was like NOPE! and put it back pmsl! The next question was what tricks can Mochii do and then youngjae was frckn like body slamming zelo and jongup lmaooo. Zelo was sooooo cute he was telling the story of how Mochii bit in all in English!! He said how he was eating and was struggling to explain that Mochii was under the table so BABYz were helping him! He said that he dropped cheese and then Mochii went to eat it but Zelo tried to stop him. Mochii bit and and then Zelo was like “ooh! bloood! my dog is ...wildlife” but the way he said blood was soo cute like the oo in moon instead of “blud”  This sweet precious boy!! His English was so good!!!! The next question was to sing happy birthday to a BABY named Jenny (wow you LUCKY girl im sooo jelly omfg). So Zelo sings her hbd really dramatically lmao and they give her their sweaty towel and Zelo gave her a water bottle too!! They’re so sweet!!!!!!! 

During their other talk segment, Youngjae was like since our tour in america, philly has been the most passionate! So we all SCREAMED and cheered like crazy! Daehyun was like hold up!! AGAIN! and went to grab a phone. He made us all scream and cheer again so he could record it. The boys kept gesturing to scream louder and more and were totally enjoying the cheers! I hope we conveyed our love for them well enough!! Also Daehyun release that footage soon pls!!! He told us we did a good job screaming lmaoo! Youngjae kept making sounds for us to repeat lmao like ooOOoooo (idk how to describe it LOL) and then was like “maestro!” when trying to silence us with his fingers like a conductor LOL but we kept screaming things LOL someone was like “this is my first kpop concert!!” so youngjae was like “sounds good!” and gave a thumbs up. Jongup also did the conductor thing hahahah Daehyun promised to come back again next year and I REALLY REALLY hope that they do!!!! 

The solos were beyond amazing. Like rewatching youngjae and daehyun’s solos made me tear up like how do such beautiful voices exist in this world? Did I really hear those ethereal voices in real life? It was sooo mesmerizing and breathtaking! Youngjae’s gorgeous baritone voice singing that smooth ballad huuuhuuu my heEArt!!! Daehyun’s heartwrenchingly beautiful voice, song, and lyrics wow let me just lie down and drown in my tears rn bYE! DaeUp’s duet was so cool, Jongup’s TML was perfect as usual, Zelo’s solo was sinful oh my those hip and that peach *blushes* it was suuuper fun and Zelo enjoyed it a LOT too!!! He lifted up his shirt!! 

THEN IT WAS M&G TIME!!! They set up the background right in front of the stage. We lined up to go in and bap was standing like: jongup, youngjae, daehyun, himchan, zelo! It was plat individual photos first, then baby group + hi-touch, then plat group + hi-touch. BABYz really went for it!! Like a lot of us got hugs! We were able to watch the whole m&g but they didnt let us have our phones out ;A; (and I also had used up all 6.5 GB of space on my phone OTL) BAP were SOOOOOOOO sweet UGH we stan literal ANGELS!! They love BABYz so fricken much!! JSJ was sooo nice to allow a lot of fan interactions AHHHHHHHH BAP did a lot of cute poses and played around with BABYz! LEt mE TELL YOU THAT BAP IS SERIOUSLY SOOOO FUCKING BEAUTIFUL, HANDSOME, GORGEOUS, STUNNING, MESMERIZING, UP CLOSE HOW DID MY HEART EVEN SURVIVE?????? I GOT TO BEAR HUG EVERYONEEEE THEYRE ALL SO TALL AND IM HELLA SMOL SO THEY HAD TO SQUAT DOWN FOR ME HUUHUU THYE LIKE PATTED MY BACK DURING THE HUGS TOO AHHHHHH WE HAD A DECENT AMOUNT OF TIME WITH ALL OF THEM!!! I TOLD DAEHYUN I SAW HIM IN KOREA IN ASU AND HE WAS LIKE OOOOOH THANK YOU!!! CURSES TO MY TINY AF VOICE CUZ I DONT THINK THEY ALL EVEN REALLY HEARD WHAT I SAID SOMETIMES!!! I told Zelo he was too tall for me lmaooo I really wanna see how much he had to bend down for me! I seriously wished that my m&g was recorded but :((((((((((( After my m&g I legit squealed and hugged my friend lmao but the staff yelled at us for being too loud LMAO BUT GIRL WE JUST HUGGED FCKN KINGS LIKE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We tried to contain ourselves as much as possible LOL Daehyun said thank you out loud to a lot of BABYz after their m&g! Zelo kept dabbing at BABYz lmaooo a lot of them didnt notice tho cuz he would do it after they had already passed him HAHAHA when it was my hi-touch I dabbed at Zelo hahah and he dabbed back :D I wanted to get a group hug from them but i got too excited and FUCKING FORGOT to ask for a group hug *kicks myself* Now I wish I had written my name on a name tag (like “HI I’M JUNIE”) and hope they wouldve said “HI JUNIE”  but I didnt OTL 

I really wish I could relive the whole day. I wish I was able to record my m&g and got a group hug or them to say my name or I had said something more to them but it’s ok my heart is very very happy and I love bap soo much. My 7 year love for them continues and I will really love them forever. Let’s meet again soon, my loves! I’m looking forward to then~!