#oh the struggle of doing anything
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太子殿下 ❁ His Royal Highness the Crown Prince
#xie lian#tian guan ci fu#heaven official's blessing#new to art#beginner artist#my art#i'm just gonna throw this one into the ether and be done with it#oh the struggle of doing anything
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ok i swear i'm not going to talk about my breakup forever but the thing that just keeps bothering me:
i know that not getting what you need in a relationship is a COMPLETELY valid reason to end it but also. i feel like having a very vulnerable moment where i opened up about my struggles with intimacy and being relieved that i didn't have to keep doing things i wasn't comfortable with, then being dumped a YEAR later because of my lack of intimacy. is something i should be allowed to be very hurt by???
#ramble#sorry i'm currently in a phase of 'of course this happened' and 'oh i deserve this because i didn't give him what he wanted'#like he knew i was grey ace since the start. and he let it go on for SO long after i said i might be vaguely aro as well#if that's a dealbreaker for you bc of your love language then FINE but NIP IT IN THE BUD#he said he put it off because he didn't want to hurt my feelings but it only hurt me MORE#like you're an adult. grow the fuck up and communicate like one#holding your negative feelings in hoping somebody notices you're hiding them is what TEENAGERS do#and also i told him VERBATIM: i didn't think anyone would ever love me because i'm not comfortable with xyz. and he just confirmed that#idk i still feel like i'm being selfish because how could i expect someone to be in a relationship with me when i can't give them anything#also tmi but it's not like we did NOTHING. we still held hands/cuddled/were close. he just didn't have his tongue down my throat anymore#so obviously i'm assuming by 'missing affection' he just meant sex and as an ace person that just fucking sucks#also oh my god i HATED how much he would imply we were going to have sex. i would have to keep SAYING 'i don't like doing this'#he always spoke like it was inevitably going to happen and it didn't click how GROSS i felt about it until recently#also ALSO not to go there but i never told him WHY i struggle with it (it's sensory issues)#and like. what if something had happened to me that made it hard for me and i just wasn't ready to tell him. and then he did this#again sorry to overshare this is still just a lot for me and i have no idea if i'm being unreasonable#if you're ace and in a relationship please let me know bc i'm starting to think it'll end this way every single time
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pro tip: you can always put the bugs in little outfits :thumbsup:
#rain world#five pebbles#lttm#looks to the moon#no im not procratsinating what im actully drawing to put the bugs in fun outfits what are you talking about#anyhow uh yeah man been a lil since i uploaded anything huh. that will not be changing. stay tuned for as scarce art as always. we stay thr#anyhow! you know i have done similar scehctehs alot and i always do the undershirt longshirt for them cause i feel like moon would like it#nd pebbles got it from her even if hed hate to adit it. sometimes your older sister figure has good taste (subjective) and you will never r#each her high#anyhow also i like desiging tshirt prints even if its always a pain when i need to do it#ough#anyhow i have suns also if anyone wanna see that i suppose?#otherwise hmmmm well if anyones reading this who has an opinion i wokring on a comic and concidering if i should wait with posting and do t#e whole thing once i anage to struggle through adding the text#or if i will be weak and post my fave parts beforehand for funnsies hmmmm many choises someone tell me what to do i hate making choises#uh for anyone not intrestied in my long tag rabling music rec for today is cop car by mitski!!!! and not at all because ive been watching a#disco elysium aniatic with that song on loop on youtube for days#thats not soemthing id do#anyhow anyhow!!!!#my art#see i can remmeber that tag sometimes :)#oh also an its nice to go back to drawing these guys after weeks of my own rw ocs. strange experince man#^-^
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please please pleasee do the other ninja as cowboys 🙏🙏🙏 /nf
have the whole team actually :3
the little blorb drafts
+ wgatever this Is
#ninjago#parcaeive#:3#blabberpar#lloyd garmadon#nya smith#kai smith#jay walker#cole brookstone#zane julien#pixal borg#ts about as close as ill ever get to a fully rendered ninjago piece#i actually kinda think this is ugly but i do like how i did the colours so. you win some you lose some i guess#ty for the req btw! :3#should i start tagging my cowboy stuff chat#nobody say anything about th ugly horses#i cant draw horses. Unless they look like mlp ponies#kinda on topic but i was struggling to render lloyd so much cause kai kept on distracting me. Bye.#zanes horse kinda looks like falin or is this just me#comparing this to the last cowboy au drawing i did is. crazy oh my god??#what happened in the month of september#the close ups Do not have the light effect btw. So like there is a difference#cowboygo
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heeyyy gaaanggg
the pose and the background of the album version (left) are based on oingo boingos only a lad album art. not cause i think he has anything to do with it but just cause ive been wantin to draw that pose for like. weeks and i didnt know who to put there. so why not my latest bug man.
#my art#digital art#digital painting#fanart#resident evil 7#ethan winters#goddd PLEAAASEEEE#i havent known if i was gonna post this or not multiple times in the process of drawin this. but ultimately i spent too much time on it to#NOT post it. embarrassment be damned#but at the same time what am i even doin yknow. what is this what is goin on pleaaseee PLEASEEEEE#I DONT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT RESIDENT EVIL!!! I DONT KNOW N O T H I NG I KNOW LESS THAN NOTHING#HOW?? HOW DID I GET HERE??? WHY DID THIS HAPPEN???? i know exactly the answer to all those questions but it still boggles me how fast this#happened. usually it takes WEEKS if not MONTHS for me to start makin fanart. this was faaasttttt TOO FAST and im like. genuinely constantly#thinkin about this game. im ALWAYS thinkin about this game. part of why this took me so long to do is cause i always wanna play re7 or thin#about re7 in a strange and deranged way. ive actually genuinely been SICK WHAT HAPPENEDDDDDD#im losing it!! anyways this took me a looonggg ass time and i redrew it soo many timmmessss#i did like. 3 lineart passes. the album version i did 3 shading passes. i really struggled!! and ultimately i dont know how i feel about it#like i kinda resent it. for takin so long and makin me suffer so much#never again. never again will i spend that much time on a drawing. i HATE when drawins take a long time. i HATE that. it makes me madddd#ive been insane. ive been so insane. and im not gettin better like i cant sleep sometimes cause im thinkin about this game and this guy and#that gal like i think about them!! so! so much!! oh my god!!#in the time it took me to finish this ive done like 10 sketches for other pieces like. and ive had like 3 ideas ive written down.#and like 50 that i havent written or sketched.#IVE WRITTEN POETRY!! P O E T R Y !!!#i write the occasional poem when im feelin some kinda profound emotion but i NEVER write poetry about media SOBBING#anyways thats the post i think this is the beginnin of the end so lets hold hands and pray. ugh sorry if i get sick. im shakin.
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you may say that i am "suffering from severe clinical depression" but i prefer to call it "being in my mithrun era"
#eliot posts#dunme#dm spoilers#dungeon meshi#i saw that gay little elf and was like ''oh god. me the fuck too.''#i too struggle to *want* anything and have trouble meeting my own basic needs#i think i would thrive if i had a team of caregivers and a quest to kill god like him#but alas#oh well i'll have to do the work of turning these vegetable scraps into a tasty stock all on my own#anhedonia gang rise up! or don't. it's whatever.
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i was already extremely wandering eye boyfriend meme re: read books i haven’t read and want to read vs. It’s Fall, Time To Reread All 900 Pages Of Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell, & how much i am enjoying piranesi thus far is Not Helping
#i picked it up a couple years ago as a bedtime read#thinking oh well i’ve read it before so i can take my time#and within probably the first 100 pages found myself struggling to want to do literally anything else with my time#ps no piranesi spoilers pls!!! i’m loving the Mysteriousness
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i love how fraught and complicated discourse around various utena characters ‘dying’ is when anthy is literally stabbed to death eternally by a million swords imbued with human hatred. and then utena gets stabbed to death by them also. like. ‘death’ is incredibly interesting in rgu because most of the time it’s this ambiguous figurative thing that has interesting implications re: ohtori as a closed-off world one can escape. we are all trapped in our coffins. mamiya is the only named character with a grave. nemuro memorial hall functions as one all the same. ruka is implied to have died in the hospital— was he dead all along? who was the boy we saw for these two episodes? is this dead boy the same boy, or is this just another coincidence from the shadow girls, cutting like a knife? it’s heavily implied that akio and anthy murder kanae by poisoning her, adding to the previous implication that they were poisoning mr ohtori too, but there are no perceptible consequences of this. kanae’s absence is not felt. she’s fed an apple slice. what happens to the bodies? we know what happened to the 100 boys, but what about everyone else? and so on and so forth. ‘death’ is a tricky thing in utena, i think it’s constantly functioning on figurative and literal levels in very different ways for very different purposes. dios died. dios was dying. dios didn’t die. he grew up. etc etc
#what am i trying to say here?#idk! think about all of the pieces you have#dying is complicated in ohtori in countless different ways#and i find it boring to see so much ‘this character is dead and that’s it’ stuff#when death is used farrrrrrr more figuratively than some ppl give credit for#and i think the movie too does wonderful things with death#and what ‘dying’ really means#being disbelieved. being forgotten. being rejected. haunting despite this#much more interesting to think about wrt commentary on abusive relationships than it is#to think about what?? oh me when my brother died but plot twist he’s alive and can walk on this road all cool. like?????#akio doesn’t have the power to make himself revenant#he THINKS he does and he absolutely has power when he’s alive and he imbues that power with such meaning that it does live on after him#but ANTHY. anthy is the one struggling with herself and her feelings and the impact of trauma and abuse (that power!!) in aou#he’s dead? he died? she brought him back through her memories? or she’s left him (metaphorical death) and he’s haunting her??#all such interesting interpretations#i haven’t mentioned touga bc i don’t have the energy today. if dead and just illusion of others memories then why active. why awful#like in aou akio is only Obviously scummy when he’s alive. his illusory self is based upon anthy’s love for him#if anime!touga is nothing more than nanami/whoever’s memories of him before he died……. why does he actively choose to suck again and again#like nanami wouldn’t do that. unless it was meant to be a subconscious thing like ooo he’s dead all along but that’s not what her arc is#it’s not ‘he’s been dead all along’ literally or figuratively. it’s ‘he’s unsafe and i don’t want him’#sigh. once again i am asking people to think about nanami and touga’s dynamic through touga’s eyes#it’s so interesting to me how people forget to consider his motivations or feelings on ANYTHING#like sure his motivations and feelings are scummy but they’re interesting!!!!! they intrigue me!!!!#compel me even#anyway ignore how i said i didn’t have the energy for this and then typed it all out anyway#dais.txt
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I've been picking mostly only the essential flirt options with lucanis in the romance so far (I've personally found the dynamic much more natural and mutual when you do that, more like forming a solid friendship slowly and inevitably becoming something else and less like you keep pushing on him and getting little back b/c he seemingly just gets overwhelmed and goes into freeze instead), and I think rye is a pretty hard person to read at the best of times even though he's been Down Real Bad from pretty early on and their chemistry as people is naturally really good. so the way the almost-kiss plays out in this playthrough feels a lot like it has the added layer of lucanis realizing that no but for sure rook is flirting and not just being kind or a good friend* it IS actually happening it's not just wishful/fearful thinking!!! and then uh. maybe going a bit too hard a bit too fast in all the excitement at that revelation haha
*in lucanis' defense he has seemingly literally never had a friend who wasn't his cousin-brother before, under those circumstances I suppose some confusion is extremely natural if not outright expected lmao
#meanwhile rook is kicking himself for being unprofessional b/c he WAS getting something important from spite there#and also lucanis had like. just woken up was that cool of me. should I have told him. should I have slowed that down???#watcher's duty crashing into watcher's longing blues ensues#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#lucanis dellamorte#oc: Ellaryen Ingellvar#rook x lucanis#rookanis#I think I might have done something hilarious and a little wonderful to the lucanis romance#by making a rook who's even slower to romance than he is fhskjfhsa#even here I was straight up like 'oh this is a little early for this don't you think' on rye's behalf (it's not we have to be mid-game)#imagine how he'd fare in some of the other romances you'd just bowl him over. davrin might kill him#(and also they would kill each other for unrelated reasons during it but that's another matter (affectionate I love my lads))#lucanis has been squinting at rook in stolen moments ever since the café scene like '...did I imagine that vibe. surely not right.#i'm pretty sure. but am I. I do know he likes me. but DOES he like like me or is that just what I want it to be. this is very embarrassing#for everyone involved' (it is)#davrin has had both their numbers the entire time tho. and been extremely annoyed but professional about it#he knew from the moment these two chucklefucks showed up in his recruitment mission. and has been an adult about it. mostly#even when they've made it real hard ('so I'm gonna go ahead and assume you're not letting the abomination serial killer run around#just because you're transparently excruciatingly sweet on him. right. RIGHT??')#I have accidentally given lucanis a pattern of falling for people who keep covered neck to toe at all times#but like not to be a metaphor for their emotional intimacy issues or anything haha. imagine.#I'm making my own heart so tender by imagining lucanis struggling to get rye out of his (many-layered) robes during the romance scene#and both of them laughing right from the soul in relief and delight at each other b/c like 'how could I kill a god only to be bested#by nevarran fashion. also how in the maker's name do you get dressed so quickly in the mornings this is intense'#'same way one does anything else lots of practice and a can-do attitude'/'well I'll just have to put in the practice then'#and they just hug for a while. *head in my hands* yeah okay I can be normal. I can be normal about this.
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Curly, driving Jimmy home: Jimmy, we need to talk, I think this friendship is-
Jimmy, staring dead ahead: If you leave me I will kill myself
Curly, sighs heavily: *resigned to driving the car in silence*
Jimmy, way too smug about it: I love us!
#I like to think he wouldn’t directly threaten suicide but he would be like#oh curly my best and only friend id be so lonely and wouldn’t know what to do with out you#and play up how much he values him to guilt Curly into staying or not committing to keeping his distance because Curly also gets not wanting#to be alone in ur time of struggle#but yeah this sums up every time in my mind Curly did try to stand his ground if the birthday scene is anything to go by#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#jimmy mouthwashing#curly mouthwashing
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new suicide squad anime got me thinking about the genderbend batman au i made when i was 16 again.
extra (nsfw??? body horror + shirtless doodle lol) art under the cut + drabble.
A mysterious actress appears in Gotham!
Production for the long-anticipated remake of the 1930s classic horror film, "The Clay", is saved in part thanks to the audition of one woman with no credits to her name, just a face and demeanor identical of the late leading actress of the original film.
However, the cast and crew have bigger worries than their limited budget and endless demands from their producers -- everyone involved seems to be disappearing one by one!
While the average gothammite worries that the cult classic's "cursed" reputation might be a little more than an urban legend, The Batman refuses to entertain such unfounded silliness and aims to get to the bottom of this crime against cinema!
presenting BATMAN '63 - THE RISE OF CLAYFACE coming not actually ever lmao
(her hair is brown now because I like the idea of her appearance never being fully consistent lol. shapeshifters gotta do their thing)
#batman au#gotham rogues#genderbend#clayface#dc comics au#i have no idea how to tag this. hi guys.#anyway i rlly do like how silly they made clayface in the isekai anime. i definitely took some inspiration from that iteration but#this version of fem clayface has been. in the back of my mind for literally years. i like the film actor angle for him too much#might do more of these might not. depends on how indulgent i feel ig.#anyway some misc headcanons for this clayface:#she was a struggling actor who was incredibly insecure about her appearance.#before she became clayface she would undergo plastic surgery for every new role she landed. her over the top passion for getting into (cont#(cont) character frightened directors. she gained a moniker for herself as “the woman with 1000 faces”#in this story specifically she's working under the penguin to get rid of some loose ends in a sensationalized way because the targets (cont#(cont) are famous. and she's more than happy to comply because a good chunk of the cast on set have been bad to her in the past.#her shapeshifting abilities have some limitations. she can morph into anything she has had skin to skin contact with however (cont)#(cont) she cannot change her total mass. which is why she has so much hair lol#she also can't copy powers cus that's whack. also only living things she can't turn into a car.#i probably forgot something important but yeah. goddamn you au i made as a teenager#goddamn you stupid ass suicide squad anime for making me think about this au again#cw horror#body horror#oh yeah she's also probably got a weird gender but she doesn't know that#she also can't maintain her not-clay-monster form for long or she starts to literally melt away.#my art
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two jo wips and a dead pen dragon
#HEY ! if youre an artist struggling with motivation or paralyzed by perfectionism PLEASE !!!! watch Make Art Out Of Curiosity Not Fear-#by David Choe. I'm diving into my new sketchbook using his framework of just. draw to find out. dont draw to make a perfect picture dont#draw with anything in mind necessarily just GO just DO IT and if it LOOKS BAD KEEP GOING !!!!!!!#also ive busted my color pencils out again and i wubz them i looooove themmmm im so privileged to have like 7162773 prismacolors#i got a 150 prismacolor pack for 65$ last year and it has saved my artwork oh my god#anyways. draw right now#johnny panic#🎲#goober.txt#my art
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I'm sure you get loads of these but heck I said I'd give it a shot anyway!
Your artwork is so inspiring and beautiful. I recently graduated from art school with a degree in Animation Production but I've decided I'd love to be an illustrator some day. Your work really motivates me and gets my brain juice buzzin. Keep it up!!!
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#oh thank you! I'm glad you did!#first off as a general rule I think it's always okay to message any individual independent artist/creator#and tell them that you like their work#you may think they probably get lots of positive feedback and such and another one doesn't matter#but I would bet money that the actual amount is almost always smaller than you'd think#so every kind comment has the potential to cheer them up and inspire them#and motivate them to continue creating and posting their work online for people to see#messages like that can linger at the back of your mind for ages#I regularly think back to the nice things people have said about my art over the years#especially when I'm struggling with art block and feel like what I make isn't worth anything and that I'm bad and my stuff is bad#this got a little long winded and I'm probably preaching to the choir#but what I wanted to say is don't be afraid to let creatives know if you like their work it's always appreciated#I'm flattered to hear my dog doodles motivate and inspire you!#animation and illustration are both good choices imo#I wish you all the best on whatever you end up doing#answered#starfruitwyne
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fav niche little headcanon is that basilio becomes the self proclaimed grandparent to any kid olivia or lonqu has. like he RAISED those two (he didnt but he’ll take credit for it) hes GONNA get grandkids one way or another. fav thing ever is olivia!lucina recontexualizing the scene where lucina begs basilio not to go fight walhart because he literally helped raised her he was the best patty cake player on the entire continent… that is HER GRANDFATHER and he is GOING TO DIE like omfg. i know im pretty deep into the tharjabelle train on this blog but there was a time where i was super into lonqu/tharja (i still REALLY like them i just ended up liking tharja yuri better sue me) and basilio and noire was like. the cutest combo ever. yes this IS my coward little granddaughter but make her mad and she could rival all of ferox’s greatest warriors. he loves her so much
#ann plays awakening#but now im in the habit of yaoing lonqu to other men so he doesnt get kids as often#but it doesnt really matter power of oc’s and headcanons i guess#shepherds impregnate that man or whatever#adding on i dont think this makes olivia or lonqu view eachother like siblings or anything#i dont think they even view basilio as a father maybe more a mentor but. but they both definitely had parents 😭#well actually are lonqus dead. i dont remember#but basically they still refer to him as khan basilio is what im saying but i DO think basilio sees these two young adults struggling with#two of the worst cases of anxiety hes ever seen in his life#and decides to take them under his wing and i think that kind of found family is really sweet#so OBVIOUSLY when the kids start coming… oh yeah. grandpa role#and i dont think either olivia or lonqu would object to that
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trying so hard not to get upset and say fuck it and delete my tumblr
#the reason i’m upset isn’t even anything to do with tumblr#i’m upset bc of my mum and this house and just#idk i know i’m being emotional but i’m honestly struggling right now and i can feel my mental health getting fucking worse#and i’m just like haha who would even care if i leave#idk i probably sound so privileged to other people people probably think my problems are so stupid haha#i just hate this house it’s not a good place for me to be right now#when my mum just has random little outbursts and blames me#and then decides oh you know i offered for you to stay here rent free? oh and how i pay for the food#yeah well now you have to pay rent and i’m also not going to feed you okay!!!!!!#anyway.
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If I may, how do you typically approach choosing colors in your art? It always has just a lovely feel to it, so I was a bit curious; don't feel pressured to answer ofc :]
I’ve been using a lot of gradient maps lately, they work by switching the greys in your piece with a corresponding colour according to its value. Basically, I colour in black and white, grab a gradient map, and then I adjust the colours by hand until I’m happy with it. This isn’t the only kind of colouring I do, but it works great if you’re in a rush or you’re struggling to find a good starting point for your colours. I’ve been operating under a time crunch for these Sketchbook Week drawings and the Plenism promo stuff I made, so for all except one I used gradient maps. I’m actually in a bit of a funk with my colours right now soooo I’ll come back and do a proper colouring tutorial for my style once I’m happier with how my non gradient mapped colours are looking !
#after sketchbook weeks over I wanna sit and do some colour studies to find palettes I’m more happy with#even these gradient map ones I’m not thrilled with#they’re fine! but I could do better#in terms of other tricks I use I’ll often adjust the hues and saturations if the whole piece to give things more unity if I’m struggling#and/or add a new layer on top of everything and fill it with one base colour#and play around with different layer settings and opacities on top#I’ve found a luminosity layer on a low 5-10% setting is quite nice#basicslly I fuck around and find out#and if I’m in a rush I use a gradient map#they’re not neccesarily a quick fix! if you’re like me you’ll still want to do some tweaking after it’s been applied#and you need to pay attention to your values when you’re colouring in black and white#but that’s another good thing about gradient maps - they force you to focus on value over hue which is an important skill to build#so yeah I’ll come back to this and make an actual colouring tutorial once I feel like I have actual good advice to give#cause rn I’m just very meh in my colouring and I don’t think I have anything very helpful to add#need to find some tutorials myself first !#ty for the ask!#ask#art#my art#bpcol-reblogs#textpost#blethering#for this piece the adjustments were minimal in comparison to what I usually do btw#because I was rushinggggg lol#I did more for my Plenism posters n such#but I can’t really show good comparisons because I. didn’t save them like that#I usually smush all my layers together when I’m drawing sooo yeah makes it hard to go back my bad whoops#but I saved as I was going whilst drawing this so I could provide examples yipee!#if I’d been smarter and remembered more I could’ve had more process screenshots butttt oh well lmao
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