#oh oof my text formatting

[fedorasaurus]

Been getting back into fanfic writing after a couple years of barely churning out any WIPs. It feels good! A lot of my stories have been too raunchy to share on main, but for this one, here's some SFW Gunther x JC fluff.

It's a real short one, <1000 words.

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/53935072

Downtime

You know what they say: "it takes all kinds to make a world."

Jordan Shea had seen all sorts of folk enter the Underworld Tavern over the years. Mechs, however, were an unusual sight, especially ones decked out in as much hardware as the tank of a man who approached the bar that night. Arms, legs, and eyes all replaced with sturdy metal and cabling. A web of intricate wiring, likely the kind used to inhibit pain in soldiers who take on the more risky missions, was visible just beneath his skin. The whole top of his head was a metallic dome, probably bulletproof. Machinery like his wasn't cheap, nor was it necessary for the average civilian. Had to be a UNATCO agent, she thought, giving the big man a knowing nod. She too had been involved in an augmentation program, once upon a time. Now her mechanical arms were mostly used for her bartending duties--not to say she couldn't use her hardware in combat when belligerent patrons ignored her establishment's "no weapons" policy.

Underworld was known as a smoky, shady place, where people made legally questionable deals over games of pool and shots of liquor, but it was also known as a safe place, a place not to be fucked with. "Underworld" was a scary-sounding name, maybe, but it was fitting. All kinds of "sinners" from society were welcome here, free to be themselves, whoever they were, if only for a few hours.

Judging by the Mech's tough-guy stance and serious expression, she suspected he'd be ordering something strong tonight. Maybe a whiskey (or two). She was surprised, then, when all he asked for was a soda.

[story continues below the pagebreak]

"Orange," he specified.

"No problem, sir, that'll be ten credits."

He seemed delighted as she passed him the chilled can, as if orange soda was some kind of rare commodity that you couldn't get from literally any old vending machine.

Strange guy, Jordan thought with a smile as the Mech made his way to a booth in the back of the tavern. That's when she noticed that he'd come to Underworld with someone else.

The other man looked fairly average, but in a suspicious way. Like he was trying too hard to be incognito with his black sunglasses and long trench coat. She couldn't quite read his face or body language, either. Just, completely neutral. She'd seen the guy once before, now that she thought about it. He'd ordered a couple beers and asked about her augs, said he was "in the business." He was polite enough, and while Jordan wasn't exactly thrilled with UNATCO's tendency to "phase out" old Mechs in favor of agents with the newest, fanciest models of tech, she knew better than to pry about their latest "business."

She wondered if the agents were here on some sort of stakeout. Was her bar under government surveillance or something? If they were looking for intel, she'd be hard pressed to give up any juicy details. Nothing personal, of course. She had the same policy with those Midnight Sun tabloid journalists.

Jordan kept an eye on the two agents while she worked her shift. They sat close to each other, talking softly, and she'd never been good at reading lips, so who knows what they were plotting back there. Had to be important, though, the way they were leaning in at such an intimate proximity, faces almost touching. The big Mech smiled a few times, and overall seemed pretty relaxed, so Jordan chalked it up to just a couple of off-duty cops who, like lots of folks in this city, were coming to Underworld to get away from it all for a few hours. And she knew, there was a hell of a lot to get away from these days.

She quit focussing on the men for a little while, going on with her job mixing drinks and chatting with the regulars, until the other guy--the suspiciously average one, approached the bar.

"Evening, ma'am," he said flatly.

"Evening, officer. What can I get for ya?"

"I'll have a whiskey and a candy bar, please."

Jordan smiled with amusement as she turned to pour the glass. She'd have thought him to be strictly a beer guy, but it seemed the night was full of surprises.

The agent returned to his booth and resumed his private conversation with the big Mech, this time splitting the Choco-lent-Dream with him as well. Jordan couldn't help but notice that their hands lingered for a while over the crumpled candy wrapper afterwards, their fingertips ever so loosely entwined. And, surely, it wasn't just the whiskey that was bringing a certain blush to their cheeks.

Ah, I get it now, Jordan thought, her smile broadening to a full grin.

They really were just a couple of cops trying to get away from it all for a few hours. After all, it was hard to find a place in this city--in 2052 in general, for that matter--to just sit down in peace and have a few drinks with a lover.

Jordan was happy that the Underworld could be that place for them.

[the-tmnt-ficfinder]

Ficfinder finds: The Lemonade Leak

Chapter 22: The Stranger

Chapter 22 Summary: No Summary

The Stranger: Appraisal and Ratings

(Don't know what fanfic "Appraisal and Ratings" means? Check out my explanation on my Main Masterpost! Looking for a different fanfic to read? Head on over to my Fanfic List Masterpost!)

Disclaimer: This fanfic is only available to those who have an Ao3 profile. This fanfic is written by @turtleinsoup, so go show them some love and support!!

The fanfic ratings are not based on quality, favoritism, or how good I think it is, but rather, how intense a subject may be. Like a movie review, or the tags on Ao3, letting the readers know what to expect.

Plot: 💛💛💛💛💛

"Plot is five out of five!! Things are really intense and in the thick of it now!! This chapter, once again, has some majorly important lore drops, and it quite intense!!"

Suspense/Mystery: 💛💛💛💛🖤

"Suspense/Mystery is four out of five!! The fact that this chapter is from Donnie's POV, only makes the suspense and mystery even better!! While Donnie knows who he is, he can understand what's going on, we have NO clue what Leo is thinking!! It's very clever, that when we most wanted to know what was going on with Donnie, the fic was from Leo's POV, and now that the tables have turned, its more from Donnie's POV."

Angst/Hurt: 💛💛💛💛💛

"Angst/Hurt is five out of five!! Oof this chapter has a lot of emotional angst. Like, the kind brought on by betrayal. Seriously, this chapter, while its amazing, is also very intense."

Fluff/Comfort: 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

"Fluff/Comfort is zero out of five! This chapter has no fluff, and no comfort! Everything is going to hurt!!!"

Emotions Conveyed: 💛💛💛🖤🖤

"Emotions Conveyed is three out of five!! Oh man, the despair, the utterly crushing sense of betrayal, and the heartbreak from Donnie are immaculate!!"

Drama/Tension Level: 💛💛💛💛💛

"Drama/Tension Level is five out of five!! This entire chapter is filled with nonstop tension, and sibling drama!! Because, of course the Disaster Twins would be the most dramatic together."

Triggers: 💛💛💛🖤🖤

"Triggers for this chapter are three out of five. This chapter has a lot of medical drama in it, along with triggering medical content. In the authors note, it warns for "Bad Humor, Sibling Abuse, Unresolved Emotional Tension." Remember to always read the tags, and stay safe!"

Legibility (Reading): 💛💛💛💛💛

"Legibility (Reading) is five out of five!! I really loved how in depth the explanations went during this chapter!! Highly impressive!! This chapter, as it is from Donnie's POV, is very enjoyable to read, as its full of equations, and unique texts."

Legibility (Audio): 💛💛🖤🖤🖤

"Legibility (Audio) is two out of five!! Due to this chapter being from Donnie's POV, a lot of the text doesn't translate well into audio book format. Its incredibly hard to understand, and takes away from the unique quality of the special text."

Length: 💛💛💛💛🖤

"Length is four out of five!! Chapter 22 of The Lemonade Leak takes about 41-42 minutes to listen to!!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Next Chapter ->

<- Previous

The Lemonade Leak: Story Ratings and Chapter List

Personal thoughts on chapter below cut (Contains Spoilers)

I'd first like to point out the chapter name of "The Stranger". Is Leo the Stranger? Is Donnie? To each other, they both appear as strangers.

He woke up, feeling like someone was trying to resculpt his skull with a sledgehammer. The ache was so bad he needed a moment to string a coherent thought together. The first one was, Wonderful. Brace yourself, Brain, we must’ve been hit by a train again.

I feel like this implies that he has indeed been hit by a train more than once (besides when he was attacked by Leo in the train) lol. Perhaps it was the Krang train? 

Donnie ran his tongue along the inside of his teeth, gathering the vocals needed. “To put it in words, I synthesized a composite matrix using transgalactic astronucleides – subatomic components originating from an extradimensional - but also pretty much not - construct. These astronucleides due to their inherent non-Euclidean properties, lead to a range of attributes that diverge significantly from conventional matter-energy interaction paradigms. Interlaced within the compounds, they engage in highly resonant interplay. The localized resonance catalyzes a cascade of spatial reactions in the cellular milieu of the afflicted entity – in our case, Raph – orchestrating a corrective intervention against an aberrant ‘infectious’ process, which ostensibly defies terrestrial pathological norms.”

The amount of effort put into this paragraph right here is tremendous!! Beautiful, and poetic!! I love how much terminology is used. Rather than hedged sentences, it’s a full on explanation!!

It sat heavy in his mouth but was just smooth enough to swallow. Donnie counted the milliliters running down his throat, pausing at about 150. Then he pinned Leo with his stare. “Where are we?”

Donnie can count exact milliliters… just… wow!!!

Donnie tore off the plastic lid. He expanded the pharynx inside his throat and downed the entire drink including the garnishing in half a second. Then he gave Leo a glare, licking the corner of his lip clean. “Do they know, or do they not know that I am here, Nardo?"

Soft shell turtles swallow their meals whole. I always enjoy when this fact is incorporated into Donnie’s biology. 

This chapter had such a unique intense flow to it!! The story pacing for this fic is just absolutely incredibly!! It went from feelin isolated, and small, to massive, and incredibly huge!! Plot level jumped from a 10 to a 100!!

[ashley-amelie]

hello……. may i prompt souyo + swap (the swapped thing is up to you heheh 🫶

hello!! and thank you for leaving me a prompt :3c

the swapped thing I chose was *drumroll* selfies!

I hope you like this! (and that the formatting is okay, oof)

**

Yosuke customizes every entry in his phone's contacts list. It's just what he does. He's been doing it since his first one years ago, when he figured out that he could pair a yellow-orange background with his mom's photo and a green one with his dad's.

So when Yosuke remembers he doesn't have a contact photo for Yu, two weeks after initially exchanging numbers, he fires off a quick text –

> hey prtnr snd me a pic 4 my contacts k??

– and wanders away for a glass of water. He has three messages from Yu when he comes back to his desk and, by proxy, his phone a few minutes later. 

> Sure.

> Is this good?

The third message, only an image file, takes another minute to download. Yosuke smiles a little when he sees it; it's a slim white cat, curled into a tight ball, with only one ear visible.

It's cute, but it's not Yu.

Yosuke sends his response.

> i meant liek a selfie lol

Yu's back-to-back reply –

> Oh.

> I don't have any.

– rouses surprise, suspicion, and then understanding. In that order. 

While Yosuke has only known Yu for all of a month, he's already cottoned on to some of the other boy’s ways and attitudes. And considering how airheaded he seems about his own appearance – how does he not notice all the looks he gets? it's insane! – Yosuke can believe it.

He fully understands how Narukami Yu might not have a single selfie.

Nevertheless, Yosuke presses on.

> take 1??

And finds himself baffled at Yu's response.

> I'll try.

Try? As if it's hard?

The next image Yu sends downloads as slowly as the first, and Yosuke twirls in his desk chair while waiting on it.

As soon as it's done, Yosuke snorts again in amusement.

> dude thats jus ur eye wtf

Not even both eyes; just one, taken so closely that Yosuke can see his fine, silvery lower lashes and the edges where his pupil meets the pale gray of his iris. He'd been meaning to ask if Yu is wearing coloured contacts; from the picture Yosuke still can't tell.

The notification for Yu's next message –

> No good then? Let me try again.

– reorients his thoughts. Was he really analyzing a picture of someone's eye? Yosuke scrubs a hand over his face; the countryside must be turning him into a weirdo.

But, after looking over the subsequent photo that downloads, Yosuke takes it back. He can't be a weirdo when Yu has the entire concept of weird on lock. It's an upside-down, blurry close-up of the bridge of his nose and, honestly, what kind of message is Yosuke supposed to take away from that? 

Other than –

> plz dnt tell me u dnt kno how 2 take a selfie

> here liek this

Yosuke tabs through his image gallery until he finds his favorite selfie. Although it's the same pose as most of his other photos – a peace sign and a flirty wink – he'd felt better than usual that day and the camera noticed.

He ends up spinning in his chair again as he waits; right now, even this is more entertaining than trying to read through his Literature homework.

Yu's messages ping one after another again.

> Thanks.

> You look really happy.

> How is this?

What comes through last is a perfectly clear photo of Yu, smiling slightly, with his cheek resting on his fist. It's a new photo, unlike Yosuke's – the collar of his Yasogami uniform is unmistakable.

He attaches the photo to Yu's contact profile, completing it, and puts his phone aside.

Ugh, homework.

[bigcats-birds-and-books]

Hello! Sending some numbers from the end-of-year book ask, I'm not sure of everything you've already answered, so if you'd like to do any or all of these: 4, 5, 12 (especially because you write about reading books with vibes related to your projects), and 17. I hope you feel better!

hiya!! thanks for the ask! referencing this post.

4. If you DNF any books, what was the pettiest reason you put a book down this year?

so one of my toxic reader traits is actually that i DON'T tend to DNF things--i'm very stubborn, and i tend to read fast enough that it doesn't feel like a waste of too much time, AND i usually flip from "Reading to Read" to "Reading to Tear That Shit Apart" (as a writerly exercise, mostly, or for a hate read, which i find cathartic because i am frequently full of rage these days).

one book that is taking me Much Longer Than Anticipated to get through, though, is DAEMON VOICES by Philip Pullman, which i started in....september. a writer friend gifted it to me, and i was pleasantly surprised by the last book she gifted me, so i'm slogging along. but. this man. grates on me. it's mostly his hot takes on religion, so i keep putting him in time out when he conflates shit he has no business conflating. some of his general story thoughts are interesting! but every time he mentions religion, he's on thin ice with me, and he keeps winding up in Time Out About It lol. (also the lectures transcribed to essays format isn't really working for me, pettily.)

5. What's a scene you read this year that sticks with you?

oof okay i LOVE the specificity of this question but it absofuckenlutely made me bluescreen haha.

after staring at my shelves about it for a few minutes (quite a few minutes), i have to confess that MOST of NETWORK EFFECT is imprinted on my grey matter (but that's my second time rereading it, so i don't know if it counts. shout out to "ART sent me" and "you little idiot," especially).

for things new to me this year: the last scene of ROADSIDE PICNIC by the Strugatskys has apparently ALSO imprinted on my brain (unexpected), and mumu's delightful narration in WALKING PRACTICE by Dolki Min has great sticking power (there's some VERY cool text formatting going on there that feeds into the voice, which i loved!).

12. Did any book inspire you to create?

first off, it made my whole week that you mentioned the reading/writing/vibes thing, i feel seen and known, thank you!!

second off: WALKING PRACTICE gave me excellent writing-related vibes and inspiration for my weird little monster child book, and i loved the cool formatting/voice things it did. (it definitely comes with content warnings, though, for things like graphic on-page sex and body horror and eating people (frequently all three of those together/concurrent), so proceed with caution if that's not your jam!)

the SKYBOUND SAGA also inspired ~creation~ for me, from the opposite direction: very much a "damn, if this can get published, mine can too, let's gooo" type of inspiration. (i am a spite-fueled being, sometimes.)

17. A book you reread this year. Did it hold up to how you remembered it?

oh! i did actually quite a bit of rereading toward the end of the year!! i reread ARTIFICIAL CONDITION and NETWORK EFFECT in preparation for SYSTEM COLLAPSE, and those absolutely held up--ART and murderbot are my beloveds, and i stayed up way past my bedtime for like a week in a row (even though i have reread both of those at least once before, so hypothetically i know what's coming and i could put them down any damn time)(reader, i cannot).

my other rereads were VICIOUS and VENGEFUL by VE Schwab. VICIOUS held up perfectly, too--i've reread it before, and this time i did it specifically to dissect her timelines, and it's just a masterpiece of tension and pacing and history and reveals.

VENGEFUL, on the other hand, was Fine™. i don't hate it, but i don't love it--i could set that one down easier (which was good for my aforementioned bedtimes), and dissecting it wasn't as helpful of an exercise. don't get me wrong, i love victor and mitch and syd, and i enjoyed eli's backstory, but. it wasn't VICIOUS.

thanks again for asking!!

[bibururokku]

Tysm for your time doing the matchup, my dear birthday buddy!!! You really spoiled me with the addition of the one-shot!

Although I can’t say I didn’t see this result coming, I was certainly in denial over the possibility. I swear Kaiser puts me through four stages of grief as a character because he’s so commonly agreed upon as a red flag, and I know we share similarities. This matchup was like the final nail in the coffin for me to resign to the fifth stage of acceptance because this seems to be an unavoidable fate at this point LOL

My unfiltered thoughts/reaction is UTC, btw. i just formatted it a little for a bit of organization. I don't recommend you or anyone else to read through it because it's chaotic, but if you or anyone else wants a laugh or is really curious, then go for it??? I just did it for fun because, by the time I actually saw and was able to read through this, I had just gotten back from an event and was absolutely tired and thought it’d be funny to see my exhausted, long-winded thoughts wwwww

—Oh! oh, no... it's Micha. I'm screwed; Denial is not just a river in Egypt, ueueue...

Pardon granted, but also, wdym by “who are you?”??? huh???? Www, but thanks for the compliment ig, wwww

Ah, my pretentious vocabulary has prevailed again

Idk about unique, but I'll take it www

Really? One specific line of text in my yappuccino led to this???

Oh there's no other match, okay www

Yeah, I guess so wwww

OTL

I'm like that one line from Hercules rn: "They think 'no' means 'yes,' and 'get lost' means 'take me, I'm yours.'" LOL

I might end up hating him a bit? Oh, you have no idea wwww; Well, hate might be too strong of a word. Dislike, maybe? I mean, I don’t actually have a problem with Kaiser; I just don’t like how similar we are. Now that I think about it, though, he might hate it too and even more than me, LOL. After all, sharing similarities means we share weaknesses—vulnerabilities, which is a big no for both of us! LMAO, but as ppl, when it comes down to it, yeah, I would wwww

Ehhhh, human relationships are supposed to be complex by nature, so I don’t think this is much different, even if it’s is more complicated than usual, which it probably is, wwwww

Yeahhhh, Kaiser in a simple relationship doesn’t sound like Kaiser, lol. Maybe once he is at peace with himself and years of his relationship, but as he is now? Absolutely not, lol

Not the Ness mention wwww; This poor guy can’t even be dismissed from his emperor’s service in peace… Not that I don’t contribute to that lack of peace either,,, Eh whatever, this is about Kaiser, not him, lol! Though this reminds me that Kaiser likes to be seen as an enemy or smth by other ppl, so I might’ve dug my own grave into this one by admitting I’m not fond of him 💀

“Absolute misery” what lovely words to use when discussing potential relationships 😂

Well, he’s not wrong; Humanity is a clusterfuck, so I don’t blame him wwww

Hmm, not really. Two can play at the game of manipulation.

That’s true; of his 19 years of existence the guy has like what? 4? 5? years of experience with other people, the poor guy is probably still a bit overwhelmed by the complexity of people and is trying to navigate it the best way he can like a literal child.

I see your point,,, unfortunately, wwww

Oh????

So it was my empathy that was my downfall 🤦‍♀️

👀???

Actually, I like that. It matches well with his character, especially because of the meaning of his name. If he’s god’s chosen emperor, a role that often comes with the title of being the father of an empire, it’d make sense and would only be natural if his partner would be the mother of his empire.

Oof.

Wait, no, the addition of the pun here is actually so big-brained with his character rn, bc he’s like a rose bush that needs to be deheaded. He needs to get rid of those faded flowers of his past to encourage growth and new blooms so he can keep being healthy; otherwise, the old blooms will rot and infect the new blooming flowers, making the entire bush susceptible to pests and diseases. 

Hold up, isn’t that what he’s doing in his current arc???? He got rid of the spent flowers that were Ness, the freedom of his football/soccer, and the comfort/security of his current position in Bastard München in order to grow… Holy shit, am I cooking something with this rn???? Wait, does this mean he’s actually kinda healing in his own way right now??? 🤔🤔🤔

I knew my biting words would come back to bite me one day, but not like this!!!! Wwww, but yeah, that shit doesn’t really work on me. At most, he’d get points for being a prick– pun intended. 

…So literally me, especially when annoyed??? 😭😭😭😭

This is both true and funny to me since it really doesn’t take much to pick him apart, but given his background, childhood, and social norms, it makes sense how he was able to get so far with his facade without getting caught; Unfortunately for him, Blue Lock isn’t a place that adheres to the social norms that helped him maintain his mask wwww

That comparison makes me think he’d probably hate me, too, tho??? wwww

I mean, tbf I think that goes for most ppl wwww

Oh, this description wwww

Ideal??? Me??? Idk about that man. Someone recounted to him in the same light I am is probably going to be a real pain to him, maybe even a literal nightmare. Also, the trauma of his past with no examples of healthy relationships and the fact that he has feelings of being unloved probably make it difficult for him to picture such a thing, hence why one of his desires is to be loved in general. He’s not in a position or space to think about ideals. Besides, he wants to become someone who can’t be defined by the impossible, so nothing should just be ideal for him because if he isn’t going to be defined by the impossible, then everything he imagines should be attainable by his own hand as long as he works for/towards it.

No, I’m pretty sure that’s his brain trying not to implode when it’s up against someone who essentially challenges the very core of his values and modus operandi as a human.

Yeah, this sounds more like he's issuing a challenge to see who is the better one between us and which of our methods of function is more effective wwwww

I can see it; I’ve also realized there is some symbolism that I can apply to our relationship, too, which is… something

Makes sense, given everything he was deprived of since he was young

Ngl, I got shivers just imagining the intimacy of that moment

Inch resting...

Oh, oh my, not the *cough cough* wwww

Yeah, I'm sure he can relate; maybe not in the same way, but still—

😭😭😭😭

That makes sense actually; it's basically just another defense mechanism of his

Well, one can see why

I’m aware… 🤡🤡🤡

LOL, in my defense, as I was writing, I just thought the more detailed, the better bc it's easier to get more accurate results, which led to that specificity wwww

Not sure if they'd be good sparks, but those behaviors will definitely create sparks; Then again, the occasional argument, bickering, and conflict can lead to a stronger relationship by establishing common ground and compromises, which this relationship definitely needs to be built upon. I do understand him and why he acts the way he does, so I can overlook some projecting, but he’s still gonna need to compromise to make this work unless he wants to recreate his parents' relationship with me wwww; He can be like his father all he wants like that, and I can play the role of his mother and skedaddle away bc I tolerate some traits less than others and he can go be a stereopticon if he wants to project so much 😒😒😒

This relationship is really going to be something, isn't it? wwww

Oh definitely.

We can bond over shared trauma!!! Oh, and interests, too wwww, though I don't think the relationship will get very far if we don't do the first one /hj

I'd give you a prize like people do for those scientists if I could, but I don't think I have the credentials for that wwww

...I'm listening..? Reading?? Idk. I'm paying attention! wwww

Awwweee, I might feel a little bad depending on what these acts of service were, but it's ok; it's the thought that counts!!! That's also very true now that I think about it, and very sweet... am I actually being convinced rn? wwww

Yeah, that too, lol

Ness mentioned part 2 wwww; Ngl idk if Kaiser really does this intentionally bc it's not like he really knows how to do anything else with others with his background, but I get it

Not sure about missing it since he never got it, but yeah, I get what you mean

It’s like how medicine can actually be poison depending on dosage no?

Hnnnggg... I'm in this picture, and I don't like it; I really outted myself with this one, huh? 🤡💀

Why does this lowkey give me a heart attack??? wwww me and my art is like Kaiser and that soccer ball, lowkey, he's kinda always had that ball with him; I always sorta had my art with me. He poured his everything into the ball, and I poured my everything into my art. It's kinda scary. I wouldn't mind if he read through one of my finished works; it's polished and completed, filtered and processed. He can find glimpses of my mind with the bits and pieces of my heart if he looks carefully, and I'm prepared to give it out. If he managed to stumble upon and pick up an unfinished WIP or my notes and research??? dhbfjhernjgtn I'm screwed. Everything is raw and unprocessed; my entire heart, mind, and soul are gonna be on display for this guy to see and they say an artist can tell what kind of person another is based on their art, so if he were to see that I might die a little on the inside. Just a little bit. ueueue

He didn't get much growing up, so it'd make sense for that to be where his taste lies, idk how to translate it directly in English, but as my parents have told me: "the taste from childhood/the taste of memories is the best." and given his childhood I'm sure he was out there making simple and basic dishes for himself

Oh, that's...

:((((

Wait, what if he gets extremely sick??? If he reaches the point of needing to rely on someone for his health because he was that unwell, then what? ...wwwww why is that my first thought and concern? 

Nuuuu!!! :((((

It's okay if he gives it back; we can save it for later or smth if it helps him ueueue 😭😭😭

Ok, but opera and museum dates would be so much fun??? But also, not him showing up to the performances, I'm gonna have the relationship boundary talk of my life if our relationship isn't in a secure place;;;;; Hopefully, he misses the ones with certain setlists, LOL. Wait, he's in the back? Tall ppl in the back and short ppl in the front moment. I hope I spot him before the end tho; otherwise, I'm gonna get jumpscared 😂😂😂

Actually, yes, take me away, plz small afterparty with the two of us over the big group gathering any day!!! Also, quality time together, let's go!!! 💕💕💕💕

Ok, Elsa, just bc you're numb inside and the cold doesn't bother you doesn't mean you should stop taking care of yourself on the outside... I ruined the moment with that, didn't I? wwww

Micha would probably be so done with me for that LMAO

HELP, he's actually having a standing man emoji/"he's just standing there... menacingly!!!" moment. WWWW, what is he even doing?  wwww ahhh jealousy??? ok, fair enough wwww there's no way I wouldn't make fun of him for that tho, sure it's my moment, but that doesn't mean he can't establish himself closer; we're equals, after all, it's not like my presence will dim just bc he's there esp at an event where ppl are just geeking out over stuff it can't be helped if it's for him to contain his jealousy tho. I think I'd actually like and prefer him to be closer ngl, scary dog privilege for some of the weirdos who show up at times like, "Sic 'em Kai-kun!!!!" wwww

Yeah, that's very cute and endearing of him ngl

Opposites attract! Though very physically, in this case, LOL

Ueueue it's the 35 cm height difference for me; also, this makes me realize that we have like,,, the standard manhwa depicted couple height difference LMAO

Haha, most people who are into MBTI tend to be surprised about this, but after getting to know me more, they usually come to realize it that this is the case, so it may just be how I choose to present myself wwww, but also 👀👀👀

I'm taking notes 📝📝📝

Omg, a one-shot too??? Lemme just... 👀👀👀

:(((((( well, now I feel like an asshole for what I said earlier about his parents' relationship ueueue... wwww ik he's not real, but I'll still apologize to his fictional ass for being a bitch lol; Now that I think about it, that's very fitting of us, though, huh? the bastard emperor of roses and his biting bark bitch of an empress lmao

hdbjfhrjg tysm for that??? wwww anyways, I'm glad you enjoyed writing the matchup!!! Despite my apprehensions, I promise I'll give Micha all the love and affection he missed out on and deserves, even if some of it is tough love to help him blossom LOL

Also, eyyyyyy b-day buddies, let's gooo!!!

BLUE LOCK MATCHUP + ONE SHOT — @bibururokku

Your match is...

— Michael Kaiser

✦ Pardon, but who are you? What’s with this amazing bio and incredible personality?

✦ The first thing I thought when I read your bio was, wow, the vocabulary!

✦ I love reading people who have a unique writing style. You can tell there’s depth behind it, that there’s life experience.

✦ Also, the way Kaiser came to mind, as usual, shook me a little because it was reading a very specific line in your text that suddenly made his entire character take over my thoughts, and I realized this bio could only belong to him.

✦ Conclusion: there’s no other match for your profile.

✦ It’s almost like he directly whispered to me, “This one’s for me.”

✦ And the more I read, the more I confirmed: yes, this is for him.

✦ There were also details that made me smile because I thought, “Hmm, if I put Kaiser in her path, she might actually end up hating him a bit, right?”

✦ But that’s what makes the relationship interesting and human: that it’s full of complications, that it’s not easy, that you have to fight for it.

✦ I can’t see Kaiser settling for a simple relationship where everything is easily won. It wouldn’t be worthy of his character.

✦ On the contrary, the harder it is to obtain, the more he’s the type to persevere. You can already see it on the field when he bluntly tells Ness that he no longer wants the freedom of his football because he thrives under restriction.

✦ In other words: in absolute misery.

✦ And what represents a greater misery for Kaiser than human relationships?

✦ You might think, “No way, the guy is a pro at psychological manipulation!”

✦ But to me, he studied psychology precisely to blend in with the human crowd, to understand it, and then to manipulate it. Probably because, at his core, he grew up isolated with his father, didn’t see many people, and couldn’t grasp social norms. You can see for a long time that he struggles with others, that he even fights when someone offers him something because violence is the only form of communication his father taught him.

✦ He knows how others think, but in a mechanical way. Like learning a concept by heart and regurgitating it as learned. Deep down, he doesn’t grasp the essence of it. It reminds me of that part in your bio: “I treat most like a business partner, so in that sense, I am pretty closed-off and predictable; I’ll give basic respect without letting personal feelings interfere.” It’s an automatic, learned behavior for dealing with specific social situations. Deep down, you’re not like that, but it’s simpler, and it works.

✦ All this to say that I think your existence plays a major role in this whole play.

✦ Oh yes, the passage that directly made me think of Kaiser is this one: “As for motherly, I’m just the type of person who likes to care for and nurture others, which I suspect stems from me having to mentally mature quickly due to a difficult childhood, so if I’m fond of a person, I want to make sure they’re alright and have support in all aspects as I didn’t get that.”

✦ For me, it speaks for itself.

✦ I always thought that what Kaiser needed, besides a few sessions with a therapist, is a general detox where he could purge all the evil that’s been eating away at him since birth, and that the only cure is the sincere affection someone could give him: a mother’s love.

✦ The one he never had.

✦ It’s hard to imagine Kaiser in a healthy romantic relationship because his view of humanity is so skewed, but I think that by starting a healing process, everything in him could blossom — pun not intended, of course, given his affinity with roses...

✦ At the same time, I think one has to be able to handle the responsibility of a relationship with someone as psychologically unbalanced as he is, and for that, besides having thick skin, you need the temperament to match. “Funny and sassy probably go hand-in-hand with the things I say since I’ve got quite a mouth on me, which is surprising for peers and acquaintances who see me with friends. It’s fluent in sarcasm and doesn’t mince words, which can be amusing.” I think when he meets someone (typically Isagi), Kaiser tries to establish dominance right away to secure personal safety — that is, to ensure the other doesn’t dominate him first. It’s a typical defensive mechanism.

✦ On the other hand, I think he can quickly be destabilized by someone who doesn’t falter in the face of his attempts at dominance. Someone who responds, who stands up to him, and who even manages to challenge him in areas where he usually feels comfortable.

✦ And you see it multiple times: the stronger Isagi becomes, the more he gains the upper hand over Kaiser, the more the latter is completely shaken because all his certainties crumble, and that’s when we start to understand who he really is. You have to slip into his cracks to see him in his most human, hidden aspects.

✦ He clearly resembles that bully in the schoolyard, who’s quite pleased when everyone bows down to his reign but gets scared when a teacher comes to grab him by the ear and put him in his place. A bit like with Noa: Kaiser despises him to the core but doesn’t challenge his status in the hierarchy.

✦ Kaiser, with his very complex psychology, could be a real challenge for you.

✦ “an ‘elegant strength’ about me due to my ‘intelligence and talent’ that I ‘carry all so gracefully’” Oh damn. So much power and beauty…

✦ “I’d make for a good lawyer since I’m very persuasive as I make good arguments and am good at playing semantics and twisting things in my favor thanks to those traits.” Someone skilled with words… Someone who knows how to stand their ground and defend their opinions… Hmm. Could I have stumbled upon our German emperor’s ideal?

✦ (Honestly, I can hear Kaiser melting over a description like that)

✦ (The attraction of the challenge, meeting someone of his caliber…)

✦ I’m quoting a few details from the things you like that clearly connect with Kaiser: “acting, documentaries, flowers, floriography, food, learning, music, psychology, reading, researching, social studies, symbolism, traveling.” All these keywords fully evoke me Kaiser, really, these are exactly the interests I imagine for him. Damn, I’m so glad I received your description.

✦ To me, he’s a man who presents himself with a lot of elegance and distinction but who deep down prefers very simple things, whether it’s in terms of food (we learn this in the pages of the latest released volume) or even in the small pleasures of life.

✦ I even wonder if he would let you touch his tattoo, from his jugular down to his biceps, then the tip of his elbow, forearm, and the back of his hand.

✦ (^ his ultimate love language, in my humble opinion.)

✦ (Especially since I think his neck is a very sensitive area for him, both for the worst and the best reasons *cough cough*)

✦ OH, speaking of physical contact. I was particularly struck by your testimony about the experiences you’ve had. I won’t go into details since this post remains public, but: “dislike: unsolicited physical contact.” That and the whole part where you explain it to me really resonated with me, and I’m sure it would have resonated with Kaiser too.

✦ Honestly, it gave me chills, and I even felt a wave of sadness because it could so easily echo within him as well. I mean, in the deepest parts of him. His entire childhood was built on the unhealthy relationship of violence he experienced with his father; he grew up with beatings as the only form of affection. It’s acknowledged by the manga that he inflicts pain on himself as a traumatic response to his past.

✦ In my understanding of his character, he can’t stand being touched, and this is one of the reasons he paradoxically allows himself to touch others and cross boundaries without any shame, like he does with Isagi, grabbing his chin and then his wrists during their first meeting. Kaiser attacks before being attacked.

✦ Deep down, I think even a simple caress on his skin deeply unsettles him, possibly provoking sudden violent reactions that no one could have anticipated.

✦ He resembles you.

✦ (Another thing regarding your dislikes; I’ve rarely read dislikes as specific as yours in the bios I read for matchups) (Quite funny, I won't lie)

✦ “Behaviors I’m not fond of in a person are abusive, controlling, impatient, inflexible, obsessive, possessive, prejudiced, tactless, uncooperative, violent and volatile.” This is the part that made me smile and think, “This will create sparks between these two.” These are traits Kaiser exhibits at various points in the manga or that I can perfectly imagine him displaying in a relationship with someone. Obviously, most of them are consequences of his traumas, which he projects onto others. It reminds me of the moment when he admits he wants to be the “father who inflicts suffering on others on the field.” He’s repeating a behavior he experienced in the past.

✦ Someone once told me, “Children are mirrors: they reproduce everything they see, hear, and experience.” And it’s true.

✦ Daaamn, there are so many things that match!!!

✦ I’m as excited as a scientist who’s just made the discovery of the century AAAAARGH

✦ (I’ve noted down plenty of little details to create connections with Kaiser, no worries)

✦ "My love language(s) are quality time and acts of service." "If I were on the receiving end, though, I'd probably prefer quality time and physical touch." It's funny because I think Kaiser has the exact same love languages, in the same order. That is, he comes across as the king who has all the servants doing everything for him, but with someone he genuinely cares about, he'd be the one to offer acts of service. The same goes for you, which doesn't surprise me given your backgrounds: letting people touch you is actually the ultimate proof of your love. It's such a sensitive and intimate thing for you both that you can only imagine it as the purest expression of your feelings for each other.

✦ Wow, that's beautiful.

✦ In my opinion, Kaiser does everything he can to protect his inner self from others, even Ness, who’s been closest to him these past few years, doesn’t truly know his deepest motivations and wounds (at least, that’s how it seems to me). So someone like Kaiser, who works hard to keep emotional distance from others... can only become obsessive once he falls for someone. It’s inevitable. It’s like the reins have been loosened, like a hungry beast has been set free. To me, Kaiser is starving for affection, and he needs it so badly that once he gets a taste... he won't be able to turn back.

✦ It becomes addictive for those who’ve missed it the most.

✦ And that can be just as dangerous as it can be the start of healing; it’s all about the right dose and timing.

✦ "I’m also extremely touch-starved" I don’t need to say more. I know you understand exactly what I’ve explained about Kaiser.

✦ Now, a little compilation of common traits with our German prodigy: "I also tend to write one-shots that fall under those genres since I like them." Without saying he writes fanfics or anything, I think anything related to creating a character might really captivate his attention. I can totally picture him sitting in his chair in the evening, wearing a bathrobe like we saw in the video room, reading your script, the pages you've written about your characters and universe. He’d do it very carefully in complete silence, with his glasses on and one knee crossed over the other. He’d silently turn the pages, and if he had nothing to say at the end of his reading, it’s not because it left him indifferent: I think it would keep turning in his mind, eventually deepening his interest in other people’s art. In your art.

✦ "The same goes for my other hobbies, like baking and cooking." I don't see him as extraordinarily talented in the kitchen, and his current appearance might suggest he enjoys fine dining: but nope. As I mentioned earlier, I think his culinary tastes are actually the same as when he was a child, and he loves the simplest dishes. Family meals... Oh wow, a good beef stew. A fondue!!! A Sunday barbecue at noon in the summer...

✦ A turkey on Christmas Eve.

✦ The symbolic evening of his birth...

✦ Now, I’m not sure he’d be very expressive because I think his relationship with food is a bit peculiar, especially when someone offers him something—like cooking for him. So I think it would take a lot of time and effort for him to finally accept tasting your dish. Not because it disgusts him, quite the opposite—the delicate smell of smoked meat would make him crack—but because he doesn’t know how to accept kindness from others.

✦ And you know what? I can totally see him being moved to tears by tasting a warm, delicious meal cooked just for him. He wouldn’t show it, he’d try hard not to show anything, but the expression in his tear-filled eyes would say it all.

✦ (Though he might eventually give his dish back due to the overwhelming emotions, but I promise: he loved it.)

✦ "Dancing and singing are covered by the clubs I’m in, and since I picked them, I’m satisfied with them, especially when we perform and make covers." In the category of more specific hobbies, I think he might eventually enjoy opera and museums (culture and art in general), and also come to watch your performances. He’d probably start in the back, discreet, a bit withdrawn from the crowd. And then he’d be the first to applaud you at the very end, you know, and that would prompt everyone else to clap along with him.

✦ He’s proud of you, and you leave the room together. He’s planned something and insists it’s just for the two of you. He’s never liked crowds or groups; he prefers small gatherings where he can focus on the one person who truly matters to him.

✦ The kind who’d wrap a scarf around your neck because it’s cold. You’d comment on it, and of course, he’d reply, "The cold? I’m used to it. I don’t feel it anymore."

✦ "There’s also cosplaying, but I only do it for conventions, meetups, and photoshoots with friends. But there are time and financial restraints, so it’s much less frequent." He might come to see you, not necessarily standing directly in front of your booth but watching from afar. Watching people line up at your stand for autographs and photos, maybe gritting his teeth or furrowing his brows because there’s a hint of jealousy. But he’d never interfere because he knows it’s your moment. His moment will come later.

✦ And the fact that he puts himself second is a sign of his devotion in itself.

✦ "For appearance, I’m honestly built like Hoshino Ai" Honestly, I can totally see Kaiser preferring people with a physique that’s the opposite of his, meaning shorter people with dark hair and a somewhat innocent look, but who have a strong personality.

✦ "from the way her body physically looks down to her height of 4’11” or 151 cm" Hehehe, shall we talk about hugs between 151 cm and 186 cm?

✦ "Lastly, my MBTI is INFP-T" (I won’t lie, I was a bit surprised by that MBTI, I thought you’d be something else) Kaiser is really hard to type due to his unique childhood, which, in my opinion, forced him to develop cognitive functions that he didn't have in order to survive. These functions are called “shadow functions,” and according to Carl Jung’s theory, they shouldn’t be developed at all in someone whose cognitive stack doesn’t include them. I have my own idea of Kaiser’s type, which is nothing like what Personality Database gave him, and I think it’s the most complementary to INFP.

✦ "my enneagram is 4w5" It’s commonly accepted that Kaiser’s is 3w4. You both share the 4, which in his case is a wing. This means that his 3, which represents the achiever profile, is supported by the 4, the profile attributed to the individualist. When combined with the 3, the 4 makes Kaiser someone who is motivated by achieving success while asserting who he is through his work. This is exactly what we see when he seeks to develop "a shot that defines me" and when he wants to be recognized for his work. There’s a strong identity quest in Kaiser’s relentless journey, and this is represented by his 3w4 enneagram. We can also see it throught the "wholistic restrictive ego" that Isagi describes in chapter 267.

✦ Well, because you both inspire me so much, here’s a little one shot.

Content warning: angst, self-harm, hurt/comfort.

The room was dark, silence hanging like a heavy shroud. It was late, and a bad dream had pulled you from sleep. In the bed, an immense coldness lingered. Your hand groped blindly. You could hear the sheets crumple under your grasp. The place beside you was empty.

This was usual.

And because it was usual, you got up, rubbing the corners of your eyes with your fists. Then you slipped out of bed, pulling on a robe before heading downstairs to the living room. There a light was on.

The TV was on but it was strange, you didn’t even hear the sound because all your senses were focused on the figure on the floor.

"Michael!" you cry out.

He was slumped on the floor but not asleep. Your first instinct was to approach, drop to your knees to lift a hand... Then you remembered not to touch him unless he gave his consent.

"Michael, look at me..."

There was something around his neck. His own hand, clenched like a vise. His breathing was short and erratic. A clammy heat battled across his forehead, down to his temples. The sound from the screen continued to crackle in the background. His gaze lifted to it, revealing the replay of an old match.

"It’s... the first one I saw." his murmur barely escaped his throat. "Before I started playing."

His grip gradually loosened on its own. You watched, helpless, worried.

"It was Christmas Eve, I was on the street. There was the store window. A sports shop."

"Micha..."

"I saw a vision of my father."

He slowly straightened up on his knees, his palm wiping away the sweat clinging to the roots of his hair. You moved to brush a few blonde strands behind his ear, always careful not to touch him directly.

"Fuck..." his head tilted back, exposing even his Adam’s apple. "It’s been a while."

"Is there anything I can do?"

His blue eye landed on you.

"...Nothing."

"Alright. Then tell me when..."

"There is. Hold me."

Your heart began to pound harder in your chest. A fire ignited within you. Your arms opened to welcome the one who let himself fall against you. The tattoo encircling his throat seemed to emit a faint scent of roses. You inhaled its fragrance, wrapping your arms completely around Kaiser.

"Like this. I... feel okay." His face nestled into the curve of your neck. His warm breath settled there. "You’re not leaving, right?"

"I’m here."

"You’re here."

A word about your match: You’re the sexiest Hollywood couple of all time, hands down. I absolutely LOVED writing this matchup, thank you so much. Give Kaiser all the love you can; I'm convinced he has so much to give too. He just needs time to blossom...and love.

And OH MY GOD I see on your blog that you were born on 10 December like me????

© TIGREBLVNC 2024 | AUGUST '24 MATCHUPS EDITION.

[theeeveetamer]

Scarlet Blaze Liveblog, Chapter 5

It got rid of my extra spaces when I hit post :( Why do we live? Just to suffer?

SPEAKING OF SUFFERING! Holy shit the new Tumblr beta editor REALLY fucking hates formatting. Wouldn’t let me make any of these sections into bullet points. I have been fighting with this thing for weeks now (it also really hates letting me remove large sections of text as well). Had to turn it off to get any semblance of formatting so I hope it looks alright when I hit post

Explore dialogue

Now we have an NPC saying that there SHOULDN’T be fog this time of year. Make up your mind, game.

Linhardt: Aw my lazy days are over :(

Shez: You know some of us never had lazy days

Linhardt: Yeah but weren’t you just doing that because you wanted to?

Uh, no it’s called Shez is a commoner and had to literally become a mercenary to SURVIVE. They mention that numerous times. In another support they talk about how they were happy to eat rats if it meant their belly got filled. jfc, Lin, the privilege just oozing from you…

There’s a random mage lady who asks you if anyone on the opposing side uses dark magic. Agarthan lady, perhaps?

Ferdie stands like someone wearing one of those babydoll skirts from Style Savvy and I love him

Interesting that they explicitly state that Hrym was wiped out for resisting Ionus’s power centralization here. IIRC that was a lot less explicit in 3H

We also have explicit trade with Dagda, Albinea, Brigid and others. So I guess that’s another point against “Rhea doesn’t let Fodlan have contact with outside nations”

Why does Randolph look like he has a tiny blanket on his shoulder lmao

Wait why was Constance hostile to living in the Empire again?

Oof. Between Dimitri and Edelgard, Dimitri definitely got the superior Hapi nickname

Random Tidbits

Lmao. Hubert being like “I don’t even have to try not to kill you” during training and Ferdie being like “uh. Thanks. I think.”

I really wish the game would tell me when a character maxes out support points even if the letter is locked. It’s really annoying building support and then just realizing it’s not going up anymore after you’ve wasted so many training points and whatnot

I’ve decided that I’ve stopped caring if units like the food I’m cooking. Y’all will eat it and y’all will like it. I’m done coddling your asses.

I don’t care if you’re bad at the tasks either. Caspar, Linhardt, I’m sure you’ll do fine at running this street stall.

HUBERT WANTS TO GO ON AN EXPEDITION!!! OH BOY!!!

Hol up lemme drop everything

I hope he takes me somewhere nice to kill me

Good thing I unlocked all these new excursion spots. Gonna drive me crazy tho since I’m pretty sure there’s different dialogue in each one

“The shorter a leash, the better”. Kinky

Let’s go on a nice waterfront murder date

“Once, two souls took a boat out on the water… Only one returned. A fine story, yes?” oh my god he’s actually going to kill me

I have a feeling he wanted me to propose a competition… No wonder Ferdie is his type

“Ask thoughts on their employer” that’s a new one, I don’t remember that question ever popping up before

Unfortunately I don’t get to stare at his face. I was really looking forward to more murder dialogue.

Support Conversations

Shez/Caspar C - Caspar has daddy issues lmao of course he does they all do.

Sorry, having daddy issues won’t save your appeal from that hairstyle

I was about to comment on Caspar being like “I’ve got to build my way up from the bottom” but then he actually addressed what I was going to say by acknowledging that he at least has his name to lean on. So good for you Caspar, I see you retain some semblance of self awareness in this game so far.

Shez/Linhardt C - Shez: Just so we’re clear, whatever Hubert said you were gonna do to me, I’m not into it.

Shez is not kinky confirmed :(

How is Linhardt NOT interested in Shez’s power. She literally fucking shapeshifts and he’s just like “eh, whatever it’s just a sword.”

Like. What. C’mon dude.

Shez/Monica C - Ok Monica I hate you

MANUELA/JERITZA B LET’S GO - GIRL STOP BEING SO THIRSTY

Oh my god do not make Jeritza smile

Manuela: Don’t you want to talk to people?

Jeritza: No.

Stop making Jeritza relatable to me

Lmao Manuela realizing she’s still single because everyone views her as a teacher

Come to me Manuela! I have a teacher kink! We can do both!

Caspar/Dorothea C - Caspar: I’m reading

Dorothea: You can read???

This support is weird. Caspar is like “I wanna study” and Dorothea is like “You need to study!!!! Here let me lecture you on how you need to study!!!!!!!!!!” Caspar: “WOW I NEED TO STUDY!!!!”

Like he was already doing it Dorothea, geez.

Shez/Manuela C - Lmao we stan a messy queen

Y’know Manuela we can smash. I’ll never leave you

Shez/Hubert B - Uh wow weirdly abrupt start. Am I supposed to take this as happening directly after the last one??? They’re standing in the same place and Shez starts like Hubert just said something

Like. Really weird way to do this

“Sever ties” so that’s what the kids are calling it these days

Shez: You have emotions

Hubert: *confused Hubert noises*

Lmao he just had to insult my intelligence there at the end. Never change, Hubert

I know this is a lot of supports but since I’m playing on NG+ I have like 8 activity and 8 training points so it’s stupid easy to get supports. I didn’t even talk about all of them. I imagine future posts will have less as I start hitting time gated supports

Side Battle/Story Content

I’ve been putting this off by playing free mode battles with the renown unlockable characters lol.

Omg Maximum ambulation. Ferdie runs so fast. He’s got the zoomies!!!

Oh no Hubert wants to kill talk to me

Hubert: It’s cute how u thought I would let you live, tho

HI DADDY RODRIGUE

Man first Seteth now Rodrigue? This route really hates DILFs I guess

I mean I’m not surprised. Look at Count Bergliez

RIP Gustave is here too. Guess they’re making him fight in this route

Main Battle/Story Content

Everyone: *whispering*

Ferdie: WHY ARE WE WHISPERING!!!!!!!???? :D

Ferdie you lovable himbo

Ok do we really need three rounds of “why is everyone so quiet” so everyone can get their dialogue about being quiet in?

I wonder if this conversation changes with permadeath. It’s kind of written like it

Maybe I should do an “everyone dies” run in the future just to see how the story changes lol

INGRID!!!!!! MY DARLING!!!!!

Lmao I don’t even like Ingrid that much but I already miss my Lions :(

Oh I guess Jeralt is in the Kingdom now

I mean they’re trying to do the whole “oooooh mystery who could it beeeeeeeee” thing but I know Ling Tong when I hear him

Oh looks like Ashe is a traitor. Can’t say I’m surprised

Honestly fuck Lonato. If you have a problem with sexy dragon lady you have a problem with me

I haven’t talked about this but honestly the colors are fucking me. It’s a good thing Warriors games don’t have friendly fire because I keep running right past all the soldiers in blue to try and kill all the soldiers in red, because like. Fire Emblem do be like that normally

I keep finding big purple circles on the ground. What is that. What does it do. Who is doing that

I actually feel like a bad person for recruiting Ashe here. I mean Lonato is literally willing to kill the poor kid

Edelgard: Family should not fight family

Also Edelgard: Unless it’s Dimitri fuck that guy lmao

Also Also Edelgard: Also Rhea, since she probably banged my great great great great grandaddy a thousand years ago (and maybe is my great great great great grandmommy). Fuck her too

“I could not bear to lose another son” Ok then maybe don’t try killing him, Lonato???? What the fuck?

If saving you weren’t a requirement you would be so dead right now, Lonato

Byleth was kind of a pushover on NG+ lmao

… I’m sorry does Monica have jiggle physics

Ok her boobs don’t have jiggle physics, but her bow does. Which makes it look like she has boob jiggle physics. Why.

JFC Bergliez is so ugly

JUDITH MY BELOVED

She was surprisingly absent from AG I’m glad I get to see more of her

I’m sorry, Bergliez got all the way to Deirdriu????? When???????? When did we do that?????

Damn we killing daddy Gloucester, aren’t we? This is dead Fire Emblem dad dialogue

Oh even this guy gets a first name. Not the moms tho. Fuck the moms I guess :/

I’m surprised Fleche got a name and wasn’t just “Randolph’s sister” for the entirety of 3H

Kinda awkward to hear Petra complimenting the dude that murdered her dad

“The head of House Ordelia is one of the Five Great Lords” am I misremembering? I thought Lysithea’s family gave up their seat at the roundtable to Marriane’s uncle because they knew their house was in decline thanks to Lysithea’s condition

I went looking through her supports to see if I was right and apparently Lysithea/Hilda support confirms homeopathy of all things exists in 3H. No wonder these people still die of the plague.

Ok I couldn’t find anything and I don’t care enough to keep looking, but I got my eye on you, continuity guy

“Consider why we chose not to dismantle House Aegir” goddamn Hubert is just going straight for Ferdie’s throat

Ferdie: Haha I’m in danger

Also RIP Ferdie basically blatantly admitting that he’s only still around because he’s willing to “toe the line” regardless of how he feels about anything. Why am I supposed to be rooting for the Empire again?

I don’t get why people are like “We went to school with these people for 30 seconds maybe they’ll listen to reason” like? Why would they, exactly?

Like it was stupid in 3H but at least they had a whole year in 3H. In this game they were all literally at the academy for like a month

Recruiting Ashe also feels weirdly OOC for him after he spent the entirety of AG’s prologue and parts of part 1 talking about how Lonato would want him to do what he thinks is right and how he believes Lonato has gone off the rails, and while it hurts him, he believes it’s right to stop Lonato. Here he’s just like “Ok fine I don’t want to kill him I guess I’ll join you. Fuck my dreams of being a knight.”

I guess they had to make someone from the BL recruitable and everyone else makes even less sense than Ashe. I mean can you imagine if they let you recruit Ingrid here? Lmao

Anyways wrapping up

Spoilers for recruitables in this route here here.

Can I just say, the spread of recruitable characters, from a gameplay perspective, is kind of weird?

On SB, of the characters you get automatically, half of them are mages (5 of your starting 11 are mages).

Not including the wolves or other characters, you get Ashe, Ignatz, Lorenz, Raphael, Lysithea, Marianne, Mercedes, and Leonie (under special circumstances) in addition to the SB characters. But like. That means on SB you get two axes (Caspar, Edelgard), two swordies (Shez, Petra), three mounted lances (Ferdie, Jeritza, Lorenz), one brawler (Raphael), four archers (Bernie, Ashe, Ignatz, Leonie), and eight magic units (Hubert, Dorothea, Linhardt, Monica, Manuela, Lysithea, Marianne, Mercedes). If you include the wolves you get ten. Ten magic users. What do I need ten of these guys for? What is this game’s obsession with mages (the Lions also had way too many, though it wasn’t this egregious and at least Annette can be a serviceable axe unit once she gets Crusher)?

Made even worse because there’s only two magic master classes, and only one magic master class per gender which means you’re going to be ending up with two dark bishops and eight gremories. You can’t equip tomes as a dark knight or holy knight either, you have to use the lance, which is not optimal for many of these mage units. No idea why they decided to take out Valkyrie and Dark Flier if they were going to create so many damn mages. Basically every other weapon type (aside from archers and brawlers) gets at least two different options for master classes, and there aren’t nearly as many archers and brawlers as there are mages.

I guess I’ll use Constance and Hapi more on GD, since at least they only come with Marianne and Lysithea to start

[random-french-girl]

Okey so I don't know the name of the friendship thing you do, maybe BroTP game or whatever that's called.

Also I don't know the rules (sorry, I'm not American and English is not my native language) But I loved Scylla x Tally one so can I ask for Scylla and Abigail one? Like they act like they hate each other but we all know that's the first step of them being best friends.

Anyways, thanks in advance. And please excuse my poor English.

Thank you, dear Anon! And please, never apologize for your English! I'm not a native speaker either :)

What in-jokes do they have with each other?

I don’t think they have in-jokes, unless you count “playfully insulting each other every chance we get to show our affection”. 

Are they the “I’ll pay this time if you pay next time”-type friends, or the “I’ll pay for my food and you’ll pay for yours���-type friends?

Ordinarily, Scylla wouldn't care, but Abigail activates her ego and her stubbornness Big Time, so she always insists on paying, or sharing the bill. Abigail's just like: "Don't be ridiculous." They argue for a while, Abigail usually ends up winning this particular fight, Scylla is very grumpy about it.

Who’s more prone to pranking, or otherwise messing with, the other?

Pranks, neither. Messing with each other? Both of them. Constantly.

How do they text/message each other? Proper punctuation and capital letters, egregious overuse of emojis, mostly in meme format…?

Not applicable! But I know, in my heart, that if she could Scylla would use only emojis, just to annoy Abigail. And it would work.

Do they exchange jokey birthday presents, or deeply thought-out and meaningful presents? Or both?

Only jokey, vaguely insulting gifts for a while (Abigail buys Scylla a book that’s called “Ethics for Dummies” or something. Scylla gives her a list of all accredited therapists in the area with a note that just says “first one’s on me <3″.) But then eventually they start giving each other real presents - very little things, but it’s nice. Abigail give Scylla a tiny succulent. Scylla gives her a box of fancy chocolates. They’re never going to be effusive in their gift-giving, but they Know each other enough to understand these small gestures mean a lot. 

They go on a road trip together. Who drives, who picks the music, who’s in charge of snacks?

They are insufferable on a road trip together. They can't agree on anything: not the directions, not who should drive, or when to stop, or what music to play, or the snacks. It’s either five hours of Tense Angry Silence, or five hours of Constant Bickering. They only behave if Raelle’s is the car with them. 

What do they think of each other’s family?

Oof, loaded question. Abigail has trouble, still, respecting Dodgers (but she’s getting there). Scylla still feels resentful of the Bellweather name (but she trusts Abigail, and respects Petra a bit more than she used to, and she’s also getting there). They’ve spent their childhood being told to despise everything about each other’s family, so it’s. Complicated. 

Do they have any nicknames for each other?

DO THEY EVER. The funniest thing is it starts as “necro” (derogatory) but now it’s “necro” (affectionate), and they won’t admit it, but everyone knows.

Who’d be the first to try and patch things up if they had a fight?

The real answer is: neither. Raelle and Tally stage an intervention and force them both to apologize and move on.

One of their phones goes off in the middle of the night. Who’s calling whom, and why?

Not really applicable.

What’s their favourite funny story about something that happened to the two of them?

They love the fact that they tried to kill each other that one time. It’s funny in retrospect, they promise.

Would they do a joint cosplay? If so, who would they dress up as?

NOPE.

Do they have any TV shows that they watch together? Are there any shows they have wildly different opinions on?

Not really. 

Which one is the “fight me” friend and which one is the one who tries to keep the peace and prevent their friend from punching a total stranger?

Abigail is the “fight me” friend, and Scylla has to be the voice of reason, a role she is NOT used to. Also they’re the kind of friends who’re like... if somebody else insults the other, or starts a fight, they’ll lose it. “Only I get to be mean to her!”

One of them comes up with an ill-advised but mostly harmless idea. Does the other one egg them on because they think it’ll be funny, or try and talk them out of it?

Scylla has terrible ideas, historically. Abigail would never try to talk her out of it, because where’s the fun in that?

Who would win if they arm-wrestled?

LOL Abigail, without a doubt.

Who’s better at what type of video games, and how competitive are they when they play together?

Abigail is very competitive. Scylla pretends she’s not, but she actually is. They both suck at video games cause they never played much, unfortunately.

One of them ends up in hospital for something serious but not life-threatening. What does the other bring along when they visit in order to cheer them up?

Abigail... brings Raelle to Scylla’s hospital room. Gives Scylla a little nod, that manages to convey “I know you need her more than anything else” and “I’m glad you’re okay”. And then promptly gets out.

How huggy are they?

Oh, not huggy at all. Except that one time they almost die, and Scylla just impulsively grabs Abigail, and hugs her, very tight, and Abigail is frozen for half a second before she reciprocates the hug, gingerly. They don’t move for a while. They never talk about it afterwards,  

What was the moment when they first realized that they’d become friends?

IT HAS NOT HAPPENED YET BUT SEASON 3 I’M COUNTING ON YOU.

[jolikmc]

@transienturl replied to your post “[Tumblr?] XKit Rewritten: The “New New””:

Oof, definitely bug report that "context invalidated" error on Github with any details you have! I'll look into that. Some of your list is in Rewritten already, by the way: quick tags shows up in the editor if you turn the beta post editor on, and turning off avatar sticky scrolling is in Tweaks! What does that small text one do? I've never head of that one before.

Upon double-checking… I see the option in Tweaks, after all.  Instead of "Stop avatars from scrolling along with the post", it's labeled as "Remove sticky effect from post avatars".  A little less clear, but yeah, it does the same thing! 👍 Regarding the Quick Tags thing… I absolutely, positively, 100% do not want to use the Beta Editor.  I use a lot of HTML in my posts on this blog and my writing blog, and the Beta Editor doesn't support that.  Ergo, I don't support them.  (:

Lastly… I honestly don't know what that "small text" thing does, either.  With the new Dashboard, I think all small text is formatted to one level regardless of how many <small> tags there are?  I'unno.

Oh, and yeah, I'll swing by the Github page and report that bug. I just need to remember my account info.  It's been sooo looong… Edit: Okay, no I won't.  I can't get it happen, anymore – not even with really old replies.  What the heckie?

(Also, unrelatedly, April was part of the New XKit team and was one of the main active developers before moving to this version, so I view it as more of a continuation than a separate project in some ways - just one that doesn't require you to un-break 9 year old code to get anything done!)

Oh, really?  Hm.  Wonder if I interacted with April, before?  I used to yell at the support Tumblr, now-and-then, about broken plugins and I even compiled a list of what did and didn't work under the new interface… which I sort of ignored for almost a year…  It's nice to know some of the old New XKit critters are still bangin' about~

[henryhas2moms]

years later they’re having a glass of wine and reminiscing like “omg remember when elizabeth mitchel came to town and tried to trap me in the sisterhood of the traveling bracelet?”

regina: with that other white girl. of course i remember— you used my… feelings for you to break the spell on the bracelet

emma: oh yeah, you were still pretty mad at me i guess :/

regina: not… that kind of feeling…

emma: what other kind… wait— regina did you have a crush on me?!!??!?

regina: i thought you knew that! you were flaunting your happiness with hook so i would fireball your sisterly manacles.

emma: that was more in a general gross, sappy-couple-y sense. you hate when couples are sappy.

regina: i hate when your parents are gross and sappy.

emma: you and me both. but you and robin hood were pretty cozy before i brought marian back, i thought you were angry about that!

regina: emma………..……………… you were jealous of robin??

emma: YOU WERE JEALOUS OF HOOK????????????

[anchoviesinthenightsky]

It’s all about dry humor man.

But you had a podcast? Sometimes when you type in tags, the sentences get switch around

It really is lol

And I did/do! I'm not going to link it, because I'm not particularly proud of the first two episodes. It felt aimless to just... upload episodes infinitely. So I have a crumb of an idea for organizing seasons around a central theme, but I haven't had time to explore that idea yet.

The central question of the podcast is more or less "Do stories that ruminate about the end of the world increase the audience's resiliency to climate change or do they increase the audience's climate anxiety?"

And the way I examine that question is through looking at the way characters react to the apocalypse during the text and compare it to the APA's guidance for supporting individuals/ communities dealing with climate anxiety (which includes things like "build belief in one's own resiliency, foster optimism, promote mindfulness/coping techniques, promote connectedness to family/community/place/culture).

The idea is really to talk about climate anxiety, promote climate resiliency, and give the listeners a sense of what they can do on a personal level to manage their climate anxiety. But to do it in the sort of fun and silly way of where all of that is filtered through a discussion about, oh idk,.... Anna and the Apocalypse: A Zombie Christmas Musical (also my favorite zombie movie).

It's also an attempt to use reuse my thesis essays/ ideas, but part of why I've paused for so long was because I struggled with the podcast format. As an essay writer, I like to lay out a bunch of scenes/ quotes and push the reader to connect them together (almost like a found poem), but that's harder to do with a podcast. I end up feeling like I'm talking to my audience rather than guiding them through a series of ideas.

oof, that got really rambly. Apologies.

[acewlwtoast]

Freitag 15:30

OKAY SO BOUT THAT CLIP HUH

These are some notes I took while rewatching the new Clip earlier. These are just some things I’ve noticed and wanna get out there. WARNING there will be screaming.

Kieu My at the door: She didn't bring ramen but smth more personal

“Du kannst da deine Jacke aufhängen./You can hang your jacket there.” Kieu My just shoving her jacket somewhere ghsdfkjgsfkgb a mess I feel you

Kieu My taking off her shoes again, but this time Fatou isn’t (mildly) obsessively watching her

Fatou’s Papa is a cook and he STILL fucked up the goose on Christmas AND the children had to prepare most of the Christmas meal lmao

Kieu My coming in here so hopeful n shit gurl u gotta start begging

Her adressing her behaviour rightaway and trying for open communication like YES

Kieu My rambling and talking dumb details bout January 1st and not getting to the point, like she’s so nervous

FUCKING HOPE SHE'S HONEST IN FRONT OF HER STUPID FRIENDS NOW

“die Woche war für mich echt die Hölle/This week was hell for me”            -kinda feel like it's smth w the police stuff

also yes, this was definetely a hell week

THEY DIDNT TALK ABOUT HER TEXTS AT ALL IT MAKES ME ANGRY idk, but I feel like they were a big deal, and now they’re kinda being taken away from casual viewers :/ (this is also a general thing)

Kieu My trying to be respectful about Fatou wanting to do physics and actually attempting to start it, we love to see it

“Du wolltest mir doch helfen./Well, you wanted to help me.” -BIG OOF Kieu My’s look like “ouch okay yeah i deserved that.”

Kieu My like “cAn We eAt fiRsT” -Girl i see you tho, trying to ease up the situation. 

Also it was really her who said the I'm not good enough thing

“Kannst du auch kochen?/Can you cook as well?” -very subtle attempt at casually trying to find out more bout Fatou

ALSO KIEU MY REALLY LOOKING FOR A WIFE THAT CAN COOK FOR HER LMAO

Also SHE’S OPENING UP FIRST LIKE-

She puts pressure on herself just like Fatou

“Du bist doch gut/You are good tho" BRO FATOU SLIPPING

both their glances after that like “that happened-”

Kieu My’s desperate hand thing like broooo 

(ALSO NOT GONNA TALK BOUT HER FINGERNAILS BUT :EYES:)

“sorry das war dumm von mir./sorry, that was dumb.” - “ja” OOF OOF 2:0

Music starts and Kieu My’s leaving     me: NO IT CANT END HERE

(I seriously thought it would end i was so mad but Druck ain’t disappointing no homegirl)

Seeing fatous look like “Oh shit she gonna go after her GURL”

SHES SO DETERMINED AND GETTING UP I-

fuck Kieu My really seems like she was almost crying I wanna hug

Fatou just knows she ain't gonna get rid of that stupid idiot bi disaster

That kiss should be another whole thing

IMAGINE THEY WOULD HAVE USED THAT MACHO SONG AGAIN BAHAHAHA

also they’re both smiling i can die happily now

Also did Kieu My stumble backwards like girl really wasn't expecting that

Also her poking her with her nails like imagINE HER STILL HAVING HER ACRYLIC CLAWS (Fatou showing up in school next monday with an eyepatch)

FATOU IS DOING THE SHOULDER THING WHEN KISSING WAIT AAAAAH (no one’s ever talking bout it but I’m a sucker for that)

and Kieu My diving in for second kiss guys I'm totally ok

Not really as wet as last time (this is a joke in our server, just to point that out)

I know this is kind of a lot, but y’all can’t blame me for having many thoughts about that clip. idk how often I’m gonna do these, cos this format doen’t fit with all clips, but sometimes I have many thoughts XD

Bonus:

WAIT WHY ARE THEY SITTING SO FAR APART IN THE PROMO PIC THO PLS NOT MORE ANGST I WANT THEM TO BE HAPPY AND OUT

[leadinglady17]

I Told You...

"Winwin, sit your skinny butt down," Kun cries after seeing his teammate attempting to twerk along to the Halloween remix of baby shark. You're all laughing when XiaoJun comes up behind him and knocks his knees out and he ends up sprawled on the floor. Winwin doesn't move except to crane his head back to look at who pushed him over.

"Yah, you're all just jealous of my immaculate dance moves," he says, the slight lisp to his words and light pink flush are the only giveaways that he'd been drinking tonight.

"Sure, gege. We're all definitely jealous," XiaoJun says after sitting down and setting the bottles of rice wine and soju on the floor in front of everyone. You were sitting between XiaoJun and Ten and across from Lucas, who was flanked by Yangyang and Kun, with Hendry next to him. Winwin had been sitting between Yangyang and XiaoJun. You were all relaxing after a grueling day of practice, thankful that you had the next day off to recoup. Winwin rejoins your little circle and demands shots for everyone, you throw your head back with the drink and meet Lucas’s eyes when you bring it back down. That was the third time you had caught him staring at you today, though staring might not be the right word this time. Glaring, yes glaring was more apt this time. You shrug it off and go back to playing around with the others and leaning against Ten. 

6 hours earlier

“Ahhh,” you shriek as Kun spins you around over his shoulder. “Put me down!” 

Kun continues to spin and laugh when you smack his back. You were taking a short break during practice, and you had been goofing off together when he tossed you over his shoulder. The others laugh at your antics and he sets you down after a few more spins. You have to grab his arm once you’re on solid ground again, feeling dizzy. That’s when he notices Lucas staring at you both.

“Come join us,” he calls out to him but Lucas just shakes his head and smiles slightly. About 10 minutes later, once everyone had returned, Ten called everyone to get back in formation to go through the routines again. Ten pushes you all hard, running through the routines 3 times each before allowing another short break before going through them again for another hour, sometimes stopping to guide another dancer if he saw them struggling, including you and if you were more flirty than usual that was nobody’s business. 

During the last run through everything you were watching the mirror when you happened to catch Lucas watching you. You make a face at him trying to get him to smile but he just looks away from you and focuses on his own steps. You don’t think anything of it and finish the last few counts. Finally Kun calls for the end and announces that you all have the next day off. Everyone lets out a cheer and begins to gather their belongings. Winwin was the one to suggest everyone going out and grabbing dinner or drinks. Half the team declined claiming exhaustion but you and a few others had agreed.

4 hours earlier

You couldn’t decide on dinner or drinks so you did both. Ten chose a Korean BBQ that was open late, a regular spot for your group after a grueling practice. The owner greeted you all and quickly had the meat and sides delivered, you made sure to get a seat next to Ten. Winwin ordered the first round of soju halfway through dinner. You’re about 3 glasses in when the owner comes over to tell you all that they were closing so Hendry suggests going back to the house to continue drinking and blowing off steam. Kun grabs your hand and pulls you down the sidewalk since the house was only a few streets over. You’re tipsy enough that you just giggle and go along with him, paying no attention to others yelling behind you. Unsurprisingly you reach the house first, followed closely by Yangyang and Ten arguing loudly and the rest of the guys laughing behind them. After kicking your shoes off you throw yourself down on the couch, not expecting the sudden weight that drops on top of you. 

“Oof, get off you cow.” Your voice comes out breathy due to the adult man currently crushing your lungs.

“Wow, y/n, that’s so hurtful,” Kun pouts. 

“I’m sure, but seriously you’re crushing me.” You attempt to push yourself up to unbalance him but he just continues to lay on you. “Yah! I’m dying!”

Kun laughs at your struggle and then adds to it by proceeding to tickle your sides. You shriek with laughter, arms flailing trying to smack his hands away.

“Kun-gege, get off her,” Lucas tries to intervene, no amusement in his voice. The leader ignores the other man and continues his onslaught. 

“Not until she apologizes,” Kun pauses for a moment to give you the opportunity to apologize. You quickly make amends and he lands a quick peck on your cheek and jumps up. You rush to get up, in case any of the others decide they want a turn at tormenting you. Kun slings his arm around you and gives you a cheeky smile while Lucas rolls his eyes and walks away. 

Present

After a few more rounds of shots, someone, you think it was Yangyang, called it quits and everyone agreed.

“Y/n, you can crash in my room tonight,” Ten offers as he helps you stand. 

“Thanks. We can cuddle if you want,” you tell him and send him a wink.

He chuckles at your drunk flirting, “Ah sorry, I’m going to share with Hendry,” he says, causing you to pout.

“Ooookaaaay, but you know where I’ll be if you change your mind.” You shuffle off to the bathroom to try to at least wash your face before crawling into the younger dancer’s bed. You’re about to open Ten’s door when a hand grabs your arm and pulls you into the room across the hall. 

“Did you really think I’d let you go after watching everyone touch you all night?”

----------------

“Lucas you could have just said she was yours. You didn’t need to keep me up all night proving it.” Hendry drawls. You can feel your face heat up realizing that he had heard you.

“Oh it wasn’t just you, pretty sure the whole house heard them,” Ten says walking into the kitchen already dressed for the day. 

“Well now you all know so keep your hands off,” Lucas says calmly while handing you a glass of orange juice. By now you were wishing the floor would open and swallow you.

“I’m heading out, I’ll be back before dinner. Text me if you want me to grab anything on the way home,” Ten says while walking out the door. After the longest breakfast ever, you and Lucas return to his room to cuddle and watch a movie until going out later. You find your phone under the bed and a message waiting,

I told you to leave my hoe alone… 😘

You realize immediately who Ten went to meet this morning.

[thefinalcinderella]

Kaze ga Tsuyoku Fuiteiru Chapter 1 - The Residents of Chikusei-sou (Part 4)

It’s out

Full list of translations here

Translation Notes

1. Shindou is the reading for 神童 (prodigy) as well as 震動 (tremor, vibration)

2. 鯖 is the character for mackerel, with the fish radical on the left

3. Jizo or Kshitigarbha is a bodhisattva who is the guardian of children

4. Backchanelling means “ a sound or gesture made to give continuity to a conversation by a person who is listening to another.” The Japanese word is aizuchi which I couldn’t find a good way to explain in the text

5. Banchou Sarayashiki is a ghost story with several versions, all of which involve a servant, 10 dishes, and broken trust. I think the version referred to in this chapter is the folk version where a beautiful servant is blamed and killed for breaking one of ten dishes, and came back as a ghost counting the dishes

6. King says 住人が十人 (juunin ga juunin)

Previous | Next

Musa Kamara parted with Kiyose at Chikusei-sou's entryway and climbed the stairs to the second floor to return to his room.

When he had just arrived here last spring, he had been terribly anxious about living in a wooden house, and he had been nervous walking in the hallway. In his hometown, the house where his family lived was a colonial Western style house made of stone. He couldn't imagine things like thin walls that allowed you to hear people talking from next door or narrow hallways that made even passing by someone difficult.

But now, Musa loved the building Chikusei-sou itself, and its residents who were in the same generation as him.

Musa thought about Kakeru, who he was introduced to in the bathroom of the main house. He hoped he would able to get along well with Kakeru. Musa recalled his quick and nimble movements, like he did some kind of sport, and how he looked at Musa with a slightly bewildered look, and his determined eyes. No doubt, Musa thought, no doubt Kakeru will also fit in here quickly.

The door to Room 202, which was in the middle of the three rooms on the left side of the hallway and just before Musa's room, was slightly open. He passed by and peeked inside. The resident of this room was Sakaguchi Youhei, a fourth-year sociology student, and the one who lived in Room 205, which faced Musa's room, was Sugiyama Takashi, a third-year business student. They were watching TV together.

"Good evening."

Musa greeted them because he felt like talking to someone. The two in the room turned around. "Oh, come in," they carefreely urged.

He was served with a can of beer with water droplets on it, and he sat in seiza on the tatami.

"King-san, are you watching quiz shows again?"

Looking at the celebrities pushing buzzer buttons in the cathode-ray tube, Musa was a little bit shocked. Sakaguchi of Room 202 had a pastime of watching all the quiz shows, even recording them. At Chikusei-sou, he was called King with some teasing. It had the meaning of "Quiz King."

"'Course I am."

As he said that, King violently hit the tissue box placed close at hand. And then, "The Baths of Caracalla!"

He shouted the answer to the question at the TV in a loud voice. The tissue box was his substitute for a buzzer.

"I never get bored when I watch a quiz show with King-san."

Sugiyama laughed, encouraging Musa to drink bear with his hand. "He makes incredible reactions."

Sugiyama's nickname was "Shindou." At first, Musa felt suspicious as to why this person with such a quiet way of speaking was called "Tremor." (1) Shindou had immediately told him, "You're mistaken."

"I was born in a village deep in the mountains. It takes two days for me to make my homecoming. Oh, do you know 'homecoming'?"

"Yes, I do. But does it really take you two days? Even when I go back to my home country, it takes about a day to fly from Japan to there."

"Oof, so I come from a place that's farther than your hometown timewise? I'm seeing how deep in the hinterlands my village is once again. Oh, you know what 'hinterlands' mean?"

"I do not know that. Does it mean rural?"

"Yes, exactly. In that village, I'm called 'Shindou.' Well, just a local one, anyways. Oh, 'shindou' has the meaning of 'child of the gods'…"

The residents of Chikusei-sou mostly spoke to Musa in rapid slang without any consideration for him. In the first place, Musa had an intermediate or higher level of Japanese proficiency, but he was at a loss with slang. Only Shindou carefully explained the slang he didn't know and the difficult words for him. Thanks to him, Musa had come to be able to speak Japanese more and more comfortably. Even so, since he was following the example of the well-mannered and gentlemanly Shindou, he tried to avoid using the slang he learned as much as possible. Nico-chan, who lived on the first floor, sometimes laughed that "I can't feel on edge with Musa's language."

While drinking beer, Musa watched the quiz show for a while.

Only King, the twins, and Nico-chan had TVs in Chikusei-sou. Because the smoke pollution in Nico-chan's room is awful, they rarely approached there. King watched quiz shows endlessly. That was why when there was a show they wanted to watch, they generally went to the twins' room.

Even now, they could hear the sounds of the TV from the twins' room, but no sounds of talking. Apparently, they were spend in the night quietly with just the twins without being disturbed by the noisy senpais.

Without getting bored, King continued to hit the tissue box and answer questions from outside the cathode-ray tube. And then as soon as it turned to commercial, he fast forwarded through it with the remote control on hand. Is this a video? Musa noticed for the first time.

The commercials quickly flew past, and then the show came back on again. This time, it wasn't a corner with a quick buzzer format. King finally averted his consciousness a little bit away from the TV.

"Hey, Musa. Shindou is keeping quiet and watching the quiz show. It's unbelievable."

Unsure of what he was saying, Musa tilted his head. King turned all the way around to face Musa and Shindou, who were sitting next to each other.

"When you're watching a quiz show, wanting to answer the questions is human nature. It's like, 'Writing 青 with the left fish radical becomes…?' 'Mackerel!' (2) And yet he's keeping quiet. There's no competition here."

"King-san, you shout out the answers even when you're watching by yourself."

Musa said, as he thought about hearing King shouting out contextless words night after night from the room next door.

"Of course I do. That's what quiz shows are for. I really don't get guys who just watch stiffly like Jizo." (3)

Is that so, Musa thought.

"Is that so?"

Shindou said aloud, objecting. "I think it is you who's in the minority, King-san. I have no idea how you can get so fired up when you aren't even a contestant."

"Why don't you try apply for the program as a contestant?" Musa interjected.

King visited quiz websites on the Internet and enthusiastically tackled quiz questions everyday. He was so devoted to quizzes that he even stepped into the smoke hell that everyone was afraid of to borrow Nico-chan's computer. Surrounding him from a distance, the residents of Chikusei-sou watched over his passion for taking quizzes.

"Answering questions faster, more accurately, and more than the famous quiz kings from outside the screen is the way of enjoyment for true connoisseurs."

King puffed up with pride. King seemed bold and shameless, but he actually had social anxiety, so he couldn't appear on television or anything like that. Musa, who became aware of that, didn't say anything more. Shindou also gently backchanneled with "Is that so." (4)

King seemed a bit awkward, so Musa decided to provide a new topic.

"Do you two already know that a new person has come to Aotake?"

"When did they get here?!"

"What kind of person are they?"

The two instantly bent their bodies forward. King even lowered the TV volume. It seemed that it was quite an interesting topic for him and Shindou. Musa was pushed by the momentum and told them about meeting Kakeru in the bath.

"I believe he just arrived tonight. Haiji-san says he's enrolled in the sociology program. Haiji-san seemed happy."

"I have a bad feeling about this," King muttered.

"Why is that? Kakeru seems like a serious and good person."

"The character of the newcomer is not what King-san is worried about," Shindou explained. "You know about it too, right, Musa? About how Haiji-san is eager to have Room 103 filled."

"Yes, but what about that?"

"That's the point." King put an elbow on his crossed legs and affectedly stroked his chin with his palm. "Musa, you must also have kept hearing it since spring. Haiji muttering 'Just one more, just one more…' like 'Banchou Sarayashiki.'" (5)

"What is a Ban-chou Sara-ya-shiki?"

"That's a—"

Cutting off Shindou before he could tell him, King came to a conclusion.

"There's definitely something going on. Haiji is plotting something."

"Why is it so important to him that ten people live in Aotake?"

Shindou tilted his head, thinking. King solemnly began his deduction.

"This is my fourth year living here, but ten tenants…that just now wasn't a pun." (6)

"I understand. Continue."

"There has never been ten people living here. That's because there are only nine rooms here."

"That's right."

"However, this year is different. It was decided that the twins will have Room 201. And then, Haiji started chanting like a phantom. 'Just one more.'"

"It's true that Haiji-san seemed fixated on ten people."

Musa also nodded. Kiyose would probably be dispassionate and not show much emotion no matter what turmoil occurred in Chikusei-sou. However, this year, it could be seen almost too easily that he was worrying over whether or not there would be a tenant in the vacant Room 103. Musa had also wondered what was that about, and thought it was strange.

"What exactly is going to happen when there are ten people?"

"No idea."

Despite the conversation he started, he threw his suspicions away quite easily. "Maybe a ghost counting plates will show up."

"You were the one who kept going on about how 'there must be something, there must be something,' so how about thinking about it a bit more?"

Shindou complained at King, who had pulled out of the conversation and was once again absorbed in the TV. However, King was already preoccupied with the quizzes and only returning vague responses. Musa and Shindou discussed Kiyose's intentions for a while, but unable to come to a definite conclusion before very long and ended it.

Room 202 fell into silence for a short while.

Even the TV was waiting for the answer of the quiz contestant with an exaggerated pause. King murmured, "At any rate, if it's the case that something bad happens to us, Haiji will let us know. He's naggy and makes snide comments when you skip cleaning the toilets, but well, other than that, he's a good guy."

That's exactly right, Musa thought. It was impossible that Kiyose would do anything that trap the residents of Chikusei-sou into a difficult situation.

Musa did not have a "bad premonition." That was because the Kiyose he met just earlier seemed quite happy. About as happy as when Musa saw snow piling up for the first time in his life last year.

Previous | Next

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #282

“daddy’s flown across the ocean / leaving just a memory / a snapshot in the family album / daddy, what’d you leave behind for me?”

What is your favorite type of dance? I like modern dances, especially those unusual or creepy with unique music. They’re the dances I look forward to watching in dance competitions. Do you find making scenes in public fun? Oh fuck no. Lemonade or pink lemonade? Pink is Supreme in so many ways. Where do you feel safest? At home, especially if Mom is here. Have you ever been to a gay pride parade? No, but I’d love to. Would you take your dream job if it were out of the country? No. I don’t want to move to Africa. What do you like to do when you're home alone? HAHA okay so I almost exclusively watch Unus Annus when Mom isn’t home because I will almost without a doubt cackle at least once, and… explaining why I’d be laughing would be WILD. UA is a fucking gift & I’mma miss it when it’s gone. What kind of music calms you down? My best bet is nostalgic music that I hold very close, like Ozzy. The soundtracks to SotC and SH2 are also magical when it comes to soothing me. Who did you last go to a park with? Uhhhh… probably not since I took family pictures for someone. Got some nice ones. Have you ever been robbed? Thankfully, no. Are you working, a student, both, or neither? Neither, and at nearly 25, it’s fucking humiliating. I’m thinking of appealing my disability case (you very rarely get it the first time), but of course self-doubt and anxiety just slaps me across the face again and again by asking, “Do you really need it?” That shit is agonizing. Very highly regarded people in my life agree that it’s realistic for me, at least at this moment, while I sort out my mental health. I don’t plan on being on it forever, fuck no. But right now I am, no matter what anyone says, a leech in my home. What's your favorite holiday? Christmas. I prefer Halloween’s “vibe,” of course, but I am much more excited and just thankful at Christmastime, especially now as an aunt with children who *understand* the holiday. Their joy and excitement is enough of a gift to me. It’s always really hard on Mom because she’s convinced she doesn’t do enough (she cries at least once like… every year), but my sisters and I always reassure her. It’s also a nice opportunity to see Dad and my stepmom, also with my sister’s family, and once again we get to see the kids so happy. But enough about them; what I love most about Christmas is I generally am able to put my troubles into perspective and take the time to remember I am, in the big picture, lucky to have what and who I do. And SNOW!!!!! If you can’t tell I’m stoked for Christmas. Do you prefer male or female friends? Both are great, but I’m more relaxed with female friends because of the whole “scared of men” ordeal. What's your favorite dessert? Biiiiihhhhh lemme get my hands on ice cream. Do you ever go on chatroulette or omegle? Noooo, I never did. That shit creeps me out. Besides, I’m shy. What kind of tea do you drink? None. Do you know anyone in a gang? Not to my knowledge… What color is your fridge? White. We decided to use the fridge already in this house versus our old one. Is your phone mostly on vibrate, silent, or ringtone? It’s just about always on vibrate. Do you own black sunglasses? I don’t own any sunglasses. Are you currently looking for a job? Fuck if I know. Not actively, but if something suitable magically popped up, I’d definitely pursue it. Do you watch MTV? No. Do you like to tell people who you like? Historically, I tend to keep my mouth shut about it to people who know that love interest unless explicitly asked, and even then, it depends on if I think they’ll keep their mouth shut. How often do you braid your hair? It’s too short to be braided. I very rarely had it braided beforehand. What color is your microwave? Black. Do you wash your face in the morning when you wake up? If I remember, especially if I’m groggy. Are you interested in the ocean? No more or no less than the average person. What's a big turn on for you? Keeping physical stuff outta this, I’m just such a fuckin sucker for being authentically romantic lmao. Have you ever thought about being a teacher? Heeeeeelllllll no. What's the first thing you do when you turn your computer on? Close out of the stuff that automatically pops up after it starts. Do you drink Gatorade? Ugh, ew, no. Do you hate when people replace 0's with O's? EX: 9:OO AM. Lol no, it’s honestly aesthetically pleasing in some formats. Did you hate riding the bus? Some of my best school memories are the long bus rides home w/ Jason so uh- Do you ever use XOXO in texts, letters etc..? Nah. Has anyone ever told you they liked you to your face? Yeah. Have you ever touched an elephant? No. Reading or writing? Writing. Do you have a childhood nickname? Mom called (and sometimes still does lakjdf;alkwe) me “Twinkie.” She gave sweets-oriented nicknames to all her kids. Have you ever had a Moon Pie? UGH they’re gross. I have this faint memory as a kid of a sweetheart babysitter my sisters and I had always offering us banana moon pies as a snack or dessert, idr. I’ve always hated anything banana-flavored. Has your car ever had troubles? N/A What's your birthstone? Amethyst. Would you join the navy? I want nothing to do with anything remotely related to war. What's your favorite board game? Battleship. Do you like chess? I’ve never played it nor even know the rules. If you’ve ever tried drugs or alcohol, what was your reason for first trying it? I was absolutely parched after a long, sweaty walk and was offered it to “try” by my mom without me knowing it was alcohol… the “WAIT NO STOP” from everyone was so quick lmao. It was just hard lemonade, so nothing super serious. Do you think you could ever have an abortion if you unexpectantly turned up pregnant right this second? I probably would. There is no fucking way I can emotionally handle carrying a baby right now. But I’d feel like absolute shit, even though I’m pro-choice. I just don’t want to picture myself in that situation. Is there a situation where you caved into peer pressure and regretted it? Probably. Although generally, I’m very resilient to peer pressure when it comes to something I really don’t want to do. What is your favorite video game console? Why? PS2, of course. I think the best games came from that era, many ahead of their time. Example, the original Shadow of the Colossus graphics massively pressured the limits of the software, and it still to this day blows me away. Sure, you have some lag in return, but the end result was just magnificent. I seriously, seriously, seriously hope I’m able to play the remake one day. When you lost your virginity, were you sober? I was. As of this minute, what is going through your mind? How I need a change and purpose in life so motherfucking badly. Where’s the last place you went? I was riding around with Mom, doing some errands. Are both of your blood parents still in your life? Yes. When was the last time you went apple picking? Never. Do you have a good relationship with your cousins? We don’t really… have a relationship. We don’t talk, we just kinda “exist” knowing we’re related. What was the last kids movie you saw? I watched some of Hotel Transylvania 3 with my niece and nephew. Do you know anyone who was born in Africa? When I was still in college, there was at least one guy in my class who was. Tutored me in math. Patience of a saint, haha. Have you ever been to an internet cafe? I actually have zero clue what that is. Has the year gone quickly for you so far? I’ve barely discerned 2018-2020, if I’m being honest with you. It’s just a lump of time where I’ve done jack-all. I mean yeah, school fits in there somewhere, but mentally I wasn’t in a wonderful place and haven’t been “happy” for a long time. My mental state has been the same for a few years. How many siblings does your significant other have? N/A Are you one of those people who can drink vodka straight? Oh, I hiiiighly doubt it. I loathe the taste of alcohol. Do you share a middle name with any of your friends? I legitimately have one of the most basic white bitch middle names in America, I know tons. How many pairs of jeans do you own? None. Do you know the name of the pharmacist at your local drug store? One, yes, considering Mom worked there before the cancer and is still in touch with this pharmacist. What flavor is your toothpaste? Mint. Are you sleepy right now? I think I’m permanently sleepy. Do you like crime films and tv shows? Not especially. Are you bitter about anything? Many things. What was the first online account you remember having? Neopets. My older sister helped me set it up when I was somewhere around eight. Do you use emojis? More than I used to. I’m gradually converting from emoticons to emojis, oof. What was the last type of soda you drank? Mountain Dew. Do you remember much from high school? I probably remember too much from high school, if I’m being honest. I remember far too much in far too much detail during the almost four years I dated Jason. Where would you go for the ultimate honeymoon? Probably the Bahamas, mostly for the pink beaches, aha. It would also be an incredible photography opportunity. Do you know anyone who has a strong accent that is hard to understand? My former best friend’s dad was so southern that yes, I could barely understand him whatsoever. If you had to get a tattoo tomorrow, what would you get? If you mean a fresh, new one and not a glow-up on the Mark tribute tat I’ve mentioned five thousand times, a tribute to Teddy featuring his portrait, pawprint, and the Powerwolf lyrics “and we’ll meet where the wild wolves have gone.” I’m going to be picky as a motherfucker about the design itself, though, so realistically it probably wouldn’t be tomorrow since I’d probably commission people to draw in varying styles. Ugh, I need that tattoo gun, my man. What was the last podcast you listened to? Do you listen to it regularly? That would be 4 Peens in a Pod (it’s… not a porn I swear, it’s Fischfuck and the boys lmao). I’m waaaaaaaaaaay behind on it, though. I watch so many different things now that I’m behind on like… everything I watch/listen to. Are you on a first-name basis with your boss? (or last boss if unemployed) I think I was with all of them? What was the last thing you wrote in a Word document? This survey. Because I combine short ones into Big Boys that I usually don’t finish in one go, I save my progress on it. Who do you miss and what do you miss about them? I miss a number of people and would rather not retrospect on them. What were the best and worst costumes you’ve ever worn? *shrug* Do you know anybody who is gay and married? I think so. What did you last take painkillers for? A headache. Are there any hobbies you want to get back into? Ugh. A whole fucking lot. I’ve thought quite a bit recently on how I miss video editing, but I just don’t have the motivation and dedication for that anymore. Have you ever shared a home with a friend? Yes. What’s the craziest or weirdest place you’ve ever slept? Nowhere that strange at all… Probably just like, the floor, but even then with blankets and stuff. What did you have for lunch today and who made it? I haven't had lunch yet. Are you allergic to anything? How did you find out? Pollen is pretty obvious, while serious discoloring and itching let me know I was allergic to silver. Have you ever been on a date with someone you met online? How was it? Yeah, I was visiting her for a couple weeks. It was nice. Who was the last very physically attractive person you saw? In ~real life~, probably some friend on Facebook. Do you know anyone who is deaf? We recently found out actually that my youngest niece is deaf in her left ear due to a massive buildup of fluid in it. I’m so ready to hear about her reaction to hearing normally once it’s taken care of. Has there ever been a person you regret ever being friends with? Probably at some point. “Ever” makes this question difficult. Do you think you have a good understanding on love? Yes. What do you think of your parent(s)? I love them both immensely while acknowledging their flaws. What celebrity do you think should of never become famous? I don’t care enough to think on this honestly haha. Did you ever get into the Twilight saga craze? What about the Harry Potter craze? Neither. What's your opinion about Katy Perry's song "I Kissed a Girl"? It was bold for its time, for sure. I’ve never minded it. Actually since coming out as bi I’ve known that this song has to be included in the recession dances of my wedding if my partner is female lmao. Do you believe in heaven? If so, what's it like? If not, why? I hope there’s some sort of total bliss after death if you’re deserving of such, but I don’t know. I definitely don’t know how I actually picture it. Even if there’s not, well, I’m assuming I just won’t exist anymore, so I wouldn’t be able to care anyway. Sometimes I hope that's the case. What email service do you use for your main (or only) email account? Hotmail. Did you ever believe in the Tooth Fairy? Yeah. I remember there was one time where “she” didn’t trade my tooth for munz and I was so mad lmao. Mom apparently forgot and slipped something under the pillow while I was getting ready for school. How I fell for it, who knows man, kids are wild. How do you feel about Taco Bell? I’m not a Mexican food fan, really, but I do love their cheese (with or without chicken) quite a bit. The cinnamon bite things are bomb as FUCK, too. I’m still mad tilted they took potato products off their menu tho because I used to destroy the fiesta potatoes. How often do you go on to YouTube? I’m like… always on it. Not focusing on it at all times, but something’s in the background. Back when Spongebob Squarepants was famous, were you interested in it? Well of course, man. What's your dream pet? Ugggghhhh a sunset morph ball python, probably. Buuut I’ve seen some over $2k with their rarity. More realistically, I really, really want a Brazilian Black tarantula. And an arctic morph hognose. I want a lot of pets. ;_; Who's been your favorite teacher growing up, and why? God, I have a lot, honestly. All things considered, the answer is probably Miss Tobey, who was my physical science teacher in high school. She’s an extremely close family friend now involved regularly in my family’s lives. She can be… difficult and says shit before thinking, but we love her nevertheless. What's your favorite fairy tale? Fuck outta here if you say Shrek isn’t one. Do you have a favorite pen? Uh, no… I barely ever use pens anyway. Has a child ever asked you a question you found difficult to answer? Yeah; it happens sometimes with my niece and nephew. Name five books you've read in the past year. I think I’ve read the first three Wings of Fire book within the same year, and I’m currently on the forth. Other than those, I started The Testaments by Margaret Atwood, but only got through the prologue I think before my focus shifted onto WoF. I still plan on reading it at some point, though. ^Are any of those books your favorite? No. The prequel to The Testaments, The Handmaid’s Tale, is very high up there, though. Are you a person that enjoys re-reading books? Not at all. Once I read it once, I’m done. There are VERY few books I’ve reread, and most of those were children’s books from when I was little. Do you have a favorite talk show host? Don’t watch any. Which sounds the most refreshing: a hot shower or a cold one? I prefer hot showers unless I seeeeeriously need to cool down. Have you ever made your own soap? No. Can you sleep with socks on? UGH NO. When was the last time you were pissed beyond belief and why? Ummm good question. I don’t know about *that* mad. Maybe when Ashley’s mother-in-law shared a massively homophobic article that condoned conversion therapy on Facebook that resulted in me removing her from my friends and RAGING to my mom about it. That was forever ago, though. Do you have a favorite candle brand? No. What is your opinion on taxidermy? I have… very mixed feelings. If the animal was hunted for sport, then it’s fuckin disgusting; you literally killed an animal with the intention to show off the fact you’re a goddamn murderer. On the other hand, taxidermy of naturally-deceased animals can be educational, and even… artistic sometimes? I don’t know. I can’t really pick one stance over the other. Would you ever want to own a body part in a jar? Actually, yes, particularly of fetal animals (that WERE NOT killed for the sake of displaying), but for the same reasons above, I’m not sure if I would *really* do it. They are incredibly interesting to me, more so than taxidermy probably, but yeah, I still question the morality of it. What is the worst thing you have ever done to your own hair? I don’t think I’ve ever really done a “bad” thing to my hair. What qualities of yours do you think could potentially harm a relationship? I’m very clingy and, in the beginning, very paranoid that you’re going to leave. Have any of your childhood habits carried over into adolescence/adulthood? I had AWFUL separation anxiety from my mom for a very long time as a kid, and I guess that evolved into my extreme inability to handle loss well, maybe. I’d say they’re at least somewhat related. What is the first band that comes to mind when I say 'dark'? Cradle of Filth popped up first. As far as relationships go, what are your biggest deal-breakers? Abuse, arrogance, and distrust probably top the list. Be honest: do looks really matter to you? Nah. It’s nice to be physically attracted to my partner, but it’s not a must. Have you ever done something simply because you were of age? No. Do you think it's worth it to tell someone you had feelings for them when you don't have them anymore? I mean, what’s the situation? Are you hanging out, talking about relationships casually? I’d say it’s fine then if it’s relevant to the conversation. I don’t think it’s worth going out of your way to tell someone you liked them if you don’t anymore, though. Have you ever done something you once thought you'd be too chicken to do? Y’know that ride at fairs where you go up really high on a circular thing with other people and then drop abruptly? That. I screamed like a mf lmao. I had to put a lot of effort into not yelling “SHIIIIIIIIIIIT” lmao. What's a food you love but don't get to eat very often? Stuff involving shrimp, ig. What's your favorite mythical being? Dragons! Have you ever felt a baby kick? I don’t think so, and I don’t want to, considering it’s fucking terrifying to me. I can’t even see a baby move without screaming and wanting to hurl. When is the last time you did something truly fun, and what was it? Who the fuck knows… What is the worst thing you've ever done when you were really angry? Said things I shouldn’t have. Are there any pills you take on a daily basis? If so, what? A lot. I can’t be bothered to go through all of them. At what age do you first remember feeling butterflies in your stomach around someone? I’m not sure. Do you feel that way around anyone now? I don’t think so. What is your main heritage? German or Irish, idr which is more prominent. What is a song that you hate to admit you like? “Bitches” by Hollywood Undead came to me first lmao. What inspires you to get off your bum and do something productive? More than anything, watching inspirational YouTube videos. What part of your body have you had the most problems with in your life? I suppose maybe my ears? I had tubes put in as a kid, I had an absolutely agonizing ear infection once, I had earwax adhered to my eardrum, and they've always been STUPID dry and flaky. Are you watching your weight? Like a hawk, but it doesn’t seem to matter anyway. :^) Have you ever become really good friends with someone you found online? Most of my closest friends I’ve met online. What is the coolest tattoo you've ever seen? You’re asking the wroooong person, lol. I’ve just seen way too many… Have you ever created anything artistic that you're proud of? If so, what? Lots of things; drawings, some writing, photographs, video edits… What do you like on your hotdogs, if you eat hotdogs? Just ketchup and mustard. What is a subject that makes you uncomfortable? Sex. What is a subject you can talk on and on about and not get sick of it? MEERKATS and MARK What is the worst thing someone could do to you emotionally? Tell me I’m weak. Or that my mental illnesses truly do make me unlovable. Just essentially do fucking not make me feel what Jason did. What is the worst thing you've ever done to someone emotionally? Said some extremely mean and potentially scarring shit.

[fuck-customers]

Oh boyyyyy today was a day, sorry about the formatting mobile is oof sometimes. So when I'm submitting this it's Oct 27th, and it's a Sunday. Our Sundays are super fucking busy bc idk god hates me and wants me to suffer.

So I tend to work in back booth doing drive thru things but get ping ponged A Lot. At one point I run out of $1 bills but it's so busy I just get yote a stack of $50 in ones and they tell me to bring up the money when I have a chance.

So when I finally do ALL my managers+my GM are busy as fuck and idk what to do with this $50. GM says to put the money in my pocket and I go nope nu uh no way I get it but ABSOLUTELY NOT.

A) i am paranoid in the clinical sense and am absolutely terrified despite her telling me to do it I'll be fired or worse and B) I have ADHD+Autism and the memory capacity of your local walnut on a good day (and today having been running on 2-3hrs of sleep. Not a good day) I Will leave with that $50 and not remember and I WILL get in trouble and it WILL not be a good situation for anyone involved.

So I put it nice and safe in the office. And then after my shift I get a call i miss and then a text asking where the $50 went. Oh Shit Oh Jesus I Am Going To Be Fired And Then Thrown In Jail goes me and eventually it's found exactly where I left it and I'm let off with a mild warning.

But honestly I'm still rattled and like ?? I know I should have listened to my GM bc ofc you don't want that much money floating around but why MY pocket and not HERS? I'm not high ranking on the anything and she's the general manager?? Like it makes more sense for her to have it on her person if that's something Absolutely necessary???

[imuybemovoko]

I die inside while dissecting Jesus music, part 3

Yep. Doing this shit again. It might take me a hot minute to write this one up, but I’ll get it done sooner or later. 

This one gets a bit more fucky than usual, so here’s a few (US) suicide hotline numbers and a rather serious trigger warning. If you’re going to have a hard time with religious trauma, weird indirect forms of suicidality, and that kind of thing, go read something more wholesome. Practice self care better than I do. For the love of all you hold holy, my thoughts are less important than your well-being. Do not read this if it’ll hurt you to do so.

National suicide prevention lifeline:  1-800-273-8255 Trevor Project lifeline: 1-866-488-7386 The Crisis Text Line: text HOME to 741-741 Trans Lifeline:  1-877-565-8860

I’ve looked through my playlist trying to find a song that I don’t remember as being repetitive as fuck. There are artists out there who don’t make their shit sad and modular for church camps and I was at least somewhat into their stuff. There are also older hymns. The playlist is mostly full of that weird shitty contemporary Christian music, but somewhere nestled in between stacks of almost painfully similar songs from Hillsong (they’re not all samey, but they get pretty repetitive) is Audrey Assad’s Even Unto Death. 

At first glance, listening back, it seems to have some of the same formatting elements as the shitty modern-styled songs I’ve gotten tired of, but it gives me a very different vibe for a few reasons. First, Assad’s general body of work as I can find it on Youtube (and is also stored in my playlist) is largely older hymns, and that’s her general style. This song is, as far as I can tell, an original work, but its instrumental and melodic style is heavily influenced by the vibe that older hymns give off. Second, the bridge is more varied and interesting than that of Even So Come or Gracefully Broken. The song does, in the final bridge and in the choruses, engage in some repetition, but at a level that I find far closer to what’s typical in secular music. Third, the melody reminds me somewhat of old hymns in a way I don’t know exactly how to describe. I just imagine it with piano and SATB choir. Most modern Christian music just doesn’t land like that. But for the trauma, I’d say analyzing this song might end up being a breath of fresh air. 

But for the trauma...

Anyway. Here are the lyrics, and here is the video again. 

The song is formatted in a way that’s nearly typical of a pop song. You have a verse (in this case composed of “Jesus”, two lines of bullshit, “Jesus” again, and two more lines of bullshit), a three line chorus repeated twice, a second verse (same format), the chorus again but this time with a more personal form of address on the second time through, the bridge (which Genius divides into four distinct sections) with some repetitions of the final lines, the chorus again, and an outro that’s basically just some repetitions of lines in the chorus and then “Jesus” and the first line of bullshit from the first verse, twice. 

So let’s get into this.

First verse:

Jesus The very thought of You It fills my heart with love Jesus You burn like wildfire And I am overcome

Alright. These lines are (clearly) addressed towards Jesus. (Speaking to him directly is a thing people do.) The song has a bit of a mix of a romantic bent and something a... little bit weirder, and both are starting to become visible in this first verse. The first couplet is like... straightforward. The singer is very in love with Jesus and even thinking of him makes her feel things. She’s not quite doing a John Donne here, I don’t think, but this is a pretty strong thing and this is part of why I say there’s a romantic bent to this. The second stanza contains that “fire” imagery that’s often associated with the Christian god, most often the Holy Spirit, that serves the purpose of showing how believers’ whole beings should be consumed by God. Then she says “I am overcome”. This reads to me like one of those “this makes me feel things to a degree I don’t know what to do with” kind of things, but there’s an element of what I’ll describe as a conquest narrative here. ...Again, not quite doing a John Donne, but not not doing it either. 

Batter my heart, three-person'd God, for you As yet but knock, breathe, shine, and seek to mend; That I may rise and stand, o'erthrow me, and bend Your force to break, blow, burn, and make me new. 

Next comes the chorus, and I think it bears mention now rather than somewhere strange like I’d normally do it because this verse flows right into it. 

Lover of my soul Even unto death With my every breath I will love You

It plays through this twice. 

Gives me the same kind of vibe as Job 13:15 here.  “Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him: but I will maintain mine own ways before him.” The difference here is Assad’s song mentions love, which I guess goes beyond trust. So it’s even a bit crazier, and the “with my every breath” thing is the absolute kicker. This means she’s wanting to do literally everything, literally everything, in a way that expresses her love for Jesus. Extreme sentiments like this aren’t uncommon in song, sure, but given that we’re discussing Christianity... 

it’s not just hyperbole, they actually think this way and it’s very fucking toxic.

Also the chorus is the main reason I say this has a romantic bent. “Lover of my soul” is a fucking juicy lyric. 

Jesus You are my only hope And You, my prize shall be Jesus You are my glory now And in eternity

I think this second verse is mostly straightforward too. Literally just “Jesus is the entire source of my hope and I see him as a prize for whatever I’m doing” and “Jesus is my glory now and forever”. Glory here refers to like... honor and magnificence. In Christian parlance it refers to the condition that believers will be in after the world is overthrown by Jesus and me and all my fellow non-believing sexual deviants get hyucked straight into the eternal fire. It’s just like... shorthand for being “cleansed of sin” or whatever and living with God for eternity. I don’t know what circles Assad is active in; she might have a different take on this than I’m inclined to, but honestly given my understanding of this concept that’s primarily fueled by Protestant views and especially Evangelicalism, I’m inclined to read this as an empty threat.

Oof.

Onto the bridge. 

I notice now that the bridge has essentially two main sections. Genius says four; that’s a weird choice to me because each section they label is not doing a separate thing, but the two I see, based more on the repetition of the last two lines of each stanza and the similarity of the sentiment in the first half of each, very much are.The first chunk of it goes like this:

In my darkest hour In humiliation I will wait for You I am not forsaken

The idea here is that even in the darkest hour of their life or humiliating moments, the singer is trusting in God to get them through it and like... idk, remedy their humiliation or make it worthwhile somehow? This serves as a reminder that God hasn’t left even if it looks like he might’ve. 

Genius does a bit of a fucky-wucky here in the second section. They replace “though” with “oh”. I’m not sure how they could’ve messed this up, the video they link is literally the same lyric video that I linked, produced by Assad’s literal official artist channel, and the video shows this section the way I do below.

Though I lose my life Though my breath be taken I will wait for You I am not forsaken

This second chunk is more of the same “even if this destroys me I’ll trust you God”. Job 13:15 again, basically. Again, not hyperbole, they actually aspire to this. It’s not healthy at all. This first half of the bridge is basically just “haha I’m devoted to this relationship to the point of self-betrayal and inaction.” 

Oof.

Second half:

One thing I desire To see You in Your beauty You are my delight Yeah, You are my glory

So this third section is basically just inserting verse 2 into the bridge in slightly different words, but the role it plays here, juxtaposed so much more directly with the extreme, self-betraying devotion expressed in the first half of the bridge, is more as a declaration that Jesus is the only thing that truly matters to the singer. Like the entire vibe here is “this life doesn’t even matter to me, yeet this body and idgaf, just let me go see Jesus.” I think I mentioned in a previous post, I think another one of these depression-spiking jesus song dissections,  that this kind of mindset leads to what I’ll describe as a soft form of suicidality in which someone desires death by way of yelling at people for Jesus in places where that’s dangerous to do. If the singer’s only real desire is to see Jesus, then they’re very much at risk for this. Which prompts the question...

Is Audrey Assad okay?

You my sacrifice Oh, Your love is all consuming You are my delight Yeah, You are my glory Yeah, oh You are my glory God, yeah You are my glory Yeah

So aside from the “sacrifice” line here, which I’ll get to, this whole thing is more of the same. All-consuming love, Jesus is her delight, blah blah. The sacrifice thing refers to the crucifixion and to the framework Christianity posits by which blood needs to be spilled so that God can decide not to fucking yeet someone into an unending fire hole and that Jesus came to be the final perfect sacrifice so that no one needs to stab a goat or whatever the fuck again. 

After this there’s the chorus and the outro that’s basically just the end of the chorus and then the first two lines repeated a bit, you know, just as this last little reminder that dying is ok if it’s for Jesus. 

Which I guess is the overarching message of this song too. Dying is fun if it’s for Jesus, kids! Also let’s definitely not do a John Donne! 

I feel like I reference that poem a lot. But it goddamn fits. Like terrifyingly well. I think the reason I latched onto that poem so hard when I learned about it in my literature survey course last fall is because, minus the borderline sexual nature of Donne’s thoughts here, it maps onto my own experience very goddamn hard. I went far enough into Assad’s self-betraying devotion to God for a while there that I fantasized about dying for Jesus in a country where that’s likely. Suicide by martyrdom, if you will. 

On that note, here are the hotlines again.

National suicide prevention lifeline:  1-800-273-8255 Trevor Project lifeline: 1-866-488-7386 The Crisis Text Line: text HOME to 741-741 Trans Lifeline:  1-877-565-8860

If you read this far, I guess thanks for being interested in my thoughts, and I really hope this didn’t trigger anything too serious. 

Now if you’ll excuse me, I should probably go talk to my therapist about this.