#oh nooooo buddy

[qkmlh]

Still ducking hilarious to me that Zoro & Sanji began their beef because they thought the other was misogynistic and it came to a head of no return when Zoro felt his title of ‘Luffy’s specialest boi’ threatened by Sanji’s comment

[eddiebuckley-diaz]

Okay, but this is such an interesting answer. We now have Tommy and Buck as an official couple, and Buck gets to have a meaningful relationship with him, which I’m glad he gets to. But in that regard too, Eddie will now struggle even more without a more present support so it’s interesting that we now have almost a barrier between them that is super unusual.

X

[hauntingblue]

ARCANE EPISODE 7!!!!

MY GOD I WASNT READY FOR ANY OF THIS!!! WHAT WAS THAT!!!

Also ekko wallpaper I got with my fries lmao

[kitkatpancakestack]

The tiniest smile eddie does when buck tells him christopher is adorable and that he loves kids. It seems like eddie thought that he made a good choice to trust buck with this information.

And lets not ignore that like 2 seconds later he mentions he is single

Eddie sat in the back of that truck looking at Buck and said fuck it, in for an inch, in for a mile, and now they're raising a child together

[regretevatorforrealrep]

I hate emu stans mod Mozelle you traitor i liked you

i literally said this in my intro what did uou expect

[yuukei-yikes]

dude have you seen skip and loafer. dude. harutakacore. dude,.

DUDE WHAT THE FUCK THIS FREAKED ME OUT I LITERALLY FINISHED READING THE MANGA LIKE 2 HOURS AGO actual reply in tags

[robotslenderman]

Saw someone speculating about something by accident and was thinking about the implications of it

then realised the implications happened exactly in Vows and Vengeance and the dialogue of a certain character in DAtV is basically the same as the dialogue of a certain character in it. not identical, but the same in purpose and the same abstractly

and now I'm thinking

oh no

I wish I didn't see that post

[tommygotwrittenoff]

it would be so funny if t said, "you're exhausting," to buck purely so bts could make the comparison to eddie's "you're exhausting," and my petty ass could be like. okay roll the fucking tapes. and the tapes show buck being genuinely hurt by t's comment vs buck just not even really giving a shit when eddie said it

[wow-thisismylifeiguess]

AU where Bruce isn’t Batman and the ‘Brucie’ persona is mostly real, but he’s also not an idiot and well aware that his kids are vigilantes

Bruce, “I just wish Dickie chose a better costume than that. I mean, look at him! He’s like a traffic light.”

Alfred, “I believe it’s a similar outfit to one his mother designed for him when he was younger.”

Bruce, “….nevermind, I take it back. He’s my beautiful baby boy and his outfit choices are definitely not atrocious.”

—

Bruce, “Jay…mind explaining the bruises on your wrists?”

Jason, “Oh…yunno how it is.”

Bruce, stares

Bruce, “If your partner is hurting you-”

Jason, “NO, it’s nothing like that! I promise, it was….consensual?”

Bruce, “Is that a question or statement, kiddo?”

Jason, “Statement.”

Jason, later, grumbling to Dick, “Sometimes I feel like he’s onto us…”

Dick, “No way. We cover our tracks super well. You just need to come up with better excuses for your bruises. I mean, BDSM? You?”

Bruce, upstairs, listening through a bug he planted, “Dumbasses.”

—

Bruce, “Why is the Drake child in my home?”

Jason, “He’s a friend.”

Dick, “I think you’re choking him a little, B.”

Bruce, who has Tim in a bear hug, “Am I choking you, buddy?”

Tim, muffled, “Not at all.”

—

Bruce, “TALIA! YOU’RE HERE! Why are you here.”

Damian, “Why am I here?”

Talia, “We have a son. Here. Take care of him.”

Damian, “I will not stay w a man like…like him.”

Bruce, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Damian, “You’re pathetically human and weak. I have nothing to learn here, Mother.”

Talia, “He’s beaten me before.”

Damian, “What?”

Dick, “What?”

Jason, “What?”

Bruce, smiling dreamily, “Such good memories.”

—

The kids find out he knew everything from the start when Dick has to pick up a drunk Bruce from a party. They arrive back at the Manor and Bruce won’t stop clinging to Dick.

Bruce, “Noooooooo! Don’t leave me! Don’t put on that ugly costume!”

Dick, “W-what?”

Bruce, sniffles, “It’s better than the Robin one, but come on, chum. You can do so much better than that.”

Dick, “You…know?”

Bruce, still crying, “Of course I knew! Good at covering your tracks my ass!”

Dick, “Do you know everything?”

Bruce, wiping his face because his vision is blurring and there’s two Dicks standing in front of him. Fuck, he’s dizzy, “Jason’s outfit is better. Tim’s is atrocious. But at least you gave Dami pants.”

Dick, “BRUCE!?”

Bruce, “Nooooo, don’t yell. My head hurts.”

—

Sitting in what Bruce has decided to call the Bat Cave because, helloooo, the bats?

Dick, "How long have you known?"

Bruce, "Oh, you know."

Jason, "From the beginning???"

Bruce, "I'm not stupid. Alfred, why does everyone think I'm stupid? My own kids think I'm stupid."

Tim, "Mr Wayne-"

Bruce, stares at him

Tim, "....Bruce. We don't think you're stupid. We just thought we were being...sneaky."

Damian, "Hmph. All of you lack training in stealth. Unlike me."

Bruce, "Dickie, how am I supposed to not know when I adopted a child acrobat and 'oh, look! a pint sized vigilante who can do flips off of buildings!'"

Jason, snorts, "Pint sized."

Bruce, "Jaylad, you started using guns a week after I signed you up for a firearms class."

Tim, tries very hard to hide a laugh

Bruce, "Timmy, your bedroom is covered in pictures of Gotham you'd only get from being on top of buildings."

Damian, scoffs

Bruce, "Dami, you trained as an assassin. Of fucking course you're a vigilante."

The kids, "....fuck. We suck at this."

Bruce, waves his hands in the air, "Don't worry about it. You're all bad at covering for yourselves, but me and Alfred handled it. Anyone who might've even got an inkling of who you might be have been...dealt with."

Jason, "Did you kill them?!"

Bruce, "What? No. Of course not. Right, Alfie?"

Alfred, "....of course not."

[asuyaka]

"How do the monster trio act around (and eventually get with) their crush?"

☆ - Monkey D. Luffy, Vinsmoke Sanji, Roronoa Zoro x M! reader.

♡ - guys m'sososososo insane ab these three m'literally gunna explode | also !! jus cus reqs ar gunna be closed, doesn't mean m'won't be uploadin !! jus not takin reqs f'the time bein (❁´◡`❁)

— MONKEY D. LUFFY.

He's so clingy around you, more than he is with anyone else.

Always, always, shares his food with you. Especially if you were busy training before dinner.

He's always around you no matter what. Oh? You're trying to help Sanji cook? He's on the floor watching you. Want to go buy supplies for Nami? He's clung onto your back like a Koala. Want to sleep due to a long day? He's right there in your bed with you.

He's so dorky about it too! Wants to spend every waking moment with you but doesn't know that he has a crush on you, just always wants ta be around you!

He's so jealous without even knowing it. What are you doing hanging out with Usopp when he's right here??

"[Name]..." Luffy groaned, clinging to your back with a sad expression on his face. He had his limbs wrapped around your torso and his head between your neck. "You aren't going to talk with Usopp again, are you?"

You stop walking, staring at him through the corner of your eyes. "Yes? I thought you and Usopp were best buddies, what happened?"

Luffy groans louder, causing Nami to yell at him to shut up from her room. "Nooooo, stay here and talk with meeeeeeee!" He wraps his arms around you three times (thanks to his devil fruit) and starts to shake your body around.

"Luffy— I can't even move if you don't let go of me!"

Luffy looks at you with puppy dog eyes. "Why hang out with Usopp when I'm right here?! I should be the only one you have eyes for..." He pouts as he presses his cheek against yours.

Your body flushes. Did... did he realize what he just said?

"Luffy, you can't say things like that if you don't know what they mean..." You huff, trying not to look too deep into what he could've meant by that. Luffy says things he doesn't mean, so you don't want to get your hopes up.

That only seems to coerce Luffy into whining. "I do know what it means! I said it, dummy! Stupid!! You should be mine, not Usopp's! I'm cooler and better and bigger and amazinger and uhm, you're mine because I say so!!"

Amazinger...?

You can't help the giggle that comes out of you, trying to force yourself to calm down while Luffy shakes you repeatedly. "[Name] c'mon, you'll be mine, right? Not Usopp! Cause, he can't cook and he's a sniper!"

"What does him being a sniper have to do with anything? And besides, you can't cook either Luffy."

Luffy blanks for a split second before going back to what he was doing. "I dunno. Doesn't matter! C'monnnnn, [Name], you're bullying meeeeeeeee!"

You hold onto Luffy's arm with a laugh, pressing your cheeks together as a form of affection. "Yes, Luffy, I'll be yours."

Luffy stares at you with surprise before turning back to his usual happy-go-lucky self. "Yippie!! Now, we can do all the things boyfriends do! Like go on dates, and eat together, and sleep together, and—"

As he continues to list off all the things he thinks boyfriends do, you can't help but chuckle.

Not like you two weren't doing that before his confession.

— VINSMOKE SANJI.

(inspired by @/sanjisboyfie 's oneshot ab this tragic little adorable man !! :3)

It took so long for Sanji to realize he liked you because he's not used to being attracted to men.

Thought that every time you complimented his cooking and his heart swelled up, it was just the flu. Nothing interesting or important.

Then, he started noticing how pretty your features were when you were eating, or how embarrassed he gets whenever it's just you and him in the kitchen.

When he realizes he does like you, his mind utterly falters, because... why would you like him back?

Even though there are lingering fears in his heart, he always tries his best to please you. Even if it means blushing like a moron whenever you address him directly.

"[Name]! I uhm, made this for you since you were... hurt, during our last fight." Sanji muttered nervously, averting his eyes as he held out a plate of food. Something small and easy to digest, but a food you like.

You smile warmly as you take the plate from his hands, your fingers brushing slightly as Sanji's face flusters even more. "This looks amazing! Thanks, Sanji. Do you want to sit with me? The seas are calm tonight."

Sanji pauses as he looks at you. His cigarette is inches away from falling out of his mouth and his face dazes.

"Sanij? You okay? You can say no, I won't be mad. It's not even your shift yet and everyone needs sleep." You say with an airy smile as you turn your attention to the food.

Sanji was right (like he was most of the time when it came to you and food), after the 'Big Mom incident' you were quite injured (and hungry). Seeing all the... talking food, didn't do much to raise your appetite.

There's a soft thud right beside you, long black legs resting a safe distance away from yours. A comfortable silence falls between the two of you, even if Sanji's cheeks are flushed and he's nervously playing with his thumbs.

"Wowww, this is really good Sanji!" You say happily, flashing Sanji a warm smile as you return to eating the food so gracefully given to you. Oblivious to the man beside you whose face looks so red it rivals Luffy's signature vest.

Sanji looks at you with nothing sort of affection. It's not the same as when Nami or Robin compliment him, you just saying his name is enough to make him flustered, but being this close to you alone might send him into cardiac arrest.

"[Name]...?" His voice is quiet, staring at you with expectant eyes.

You pause eating, covering your mouth, and cocking your head in confusion.

"This uhm... might be a weird question, but do you um,, l-like anybody?" He becomes more flushed with every word that comes out of his mouth.

The second you take too long to answer he starts to curse himself out for even sitting down. Everything was going so well until he opened his mouth—

"Yes, I do. What, trying to feel out if I'm single?" You tease with a light chuckle, picking up the last bit of food and holding it out expectantly. "You want some?"

Sanji can't say no to you. Even if he tries his hardest, his body will not let him say no, not to an indirect kiss; especially when you're offering. Even if you might not see it in the same light he does.

He opens his mouth and lets you place the spoon in his mouth as your eyes turn into crescents. "See? Does it taste good?"

God— Sanji feels like he's going to explode.

He nods, begging himself to calm down before his mind starts to run.

"Oh," You say suddenly, "—that was an indirect kiss, wasn't it?" You lin hum thoughtfully and place the plate beside you, letting out a soft yawn as you stretch. "You sure you don't need to—"

"I am so in love with you."

"...pardon?"

Sanji stands up immediately, his face red. "Nothing!! I'm sorry, I'm really sleepy now so I'll—"

"Sanji, what did you say?" You ask carefully, holding onto his hand to try and stop him from running away.

"It's nothing, [Name], please just let me—"

"Sanji." Your voice comes off soft, relaxing your body so you come off as gentle and not hostile. "Just say it, one more time for me, okay?"

Sanji could feel his entire body burning up just from holding hands, more so from him getting caught blurting out his feelings again. He stares at the floor of the Sunny, too ashamed to look you in the eyes. "I... I'm in love with you? I'm sorry if you don't like me back, I didn't mean it I swear!"

"Sanji, what makes you think I don't like you back? Better question, what makes you think I didn't know?" You cock your head playfully, pulling him gently so he's sitting again.

"...what?"

You chuckle. "I've heard all the other embarrassing times you've confessed your feelings, it's just that the crew was around and I didn't want to put you on the spot. I've liked you since we met on the Baratie, silly."

Sanji's eyes widen as his mouth falls agape. You've liked him... for two years?!

"Sanji...?" You move up to straddle him, your hands resting on his cheeks. "Can I... kiss you?"

Sanji nods so fast he thinks his head might fall off.

You smile, leaning forward to press your lips together. Sanji's body physically relaxes as he practically melts into you, his face redder than blood.

It takes all his willpower and the need to breathe for him to finally pull away from you. His face is flushed and his breathing is heavy, staring at you like you're the only man in the world— like you're the prettiest thing in the world.

You giggle, pressing your heart onto his chest. "I love you so much."

Zoning back into reality, he carefully places his arms around your waist. "I love you too, so so much [Name],"

— RORONOA ZORO.

Zoro isn't good at expressing his emotions, everyone knows that.

So, when he figures out he might have a romantic attraction to you, he's confused about what to do. Considers asking Nami about it, but goes with Robin since Nami is... an interesting woman!

Robin tells him to be upfront with his feelings, or subtly tell the person.

He's a naturally mature person, having a crush on his crewmate doesn't change that by any means.

Even if he is cold to everyone, if you two are alone on the deck of the Sunny, he lets you sleep with him or touch his swords.

Just having you around is enough to calm him down. Seeing as his biggest love language is quality time and you enjoy talking about the randomest things around him, it makes his heart flutter whenever you act like he's the only person in the world who you care about.

"Mhm! And did you know that otters hold hands when they're asleep?" You point to an otter in the marine life book Zoro got you during your last pit stop.

Zoro shakes his head, his arms crossed with a small, barely noticeable amused smile on his face.

"Yeah! It's so they don't drift off when they're asleep. Not sure anyone knows why, but I like to think it's because they don't want to lose each other. After all, they're social animals! Oh! They also like to cuddle a lot—"

"Kind of like me and you, no?" Zoro interrupts with a playful aura, causing your train of thought to stop, face flushing as you stare at his smug expression.

"Um, y-yes! Like... like me, and you..." Your voice progressively gets smaller under Zoro's gaze. He moves closer, causing you to move your arms back, resting on your palms. "Zoro?"

"Keep telling me about the otters, don't worry," He replies coyly, grabbing you by the waist and bringing you into his lap.

Your face flushes, stuttering over your words as you nod. Shakily grabbing the book to bring it closer. Carefully picking your words, you begin speaking again. "They might also, uhm, hold hands because they don't have very thick fur. It could be to share body heat and keep warm, since they get cold easily."

"What if I said we were otters?" Zoro asks from behind you, resting his chin on your head.

"Ah, then we'd have to hold hands when we sleep!" Quickly realizing what you said, you try to reel it back in. "O-of course, only if you want to! I wouldn't want to make you uncomfortable or anything, I know how much you like your personal space so—"

"You're in my personal space and it doesn't look like I mind very much, does it, [Name]?"

Twiddling your thumbs meekly, you shake your head no. Zoro laughs and takes one of your hands, putting it above his. The size difference is obvious, your fingers stop just below his second knuckle. Something about that causes a riot in your brain, especially when Zoro squeezes them together.

"Okay, another question," Zoro starts, moving the intertwined hands to your lap. "What if I asked you to be my boyfriend?"

You turn around immediately, staring at him with wide eyes. He isn't... joking, is he? Zoro doesn't normally joke about things (unless he's with Sanji), so it wouldn't make sense for him to joke about this. Especially when it's something so serious.

"Hm? What's your answer, pretty boy?"

You've liked Zoro ever since he sat down and listened to you talk about the different kinds of fishmen after the ordeal with Arlong. Zoro has never expressed romantic attraction to anybody, not even to the bountiful amounts of women who've expressed attraction to him.

Your mind blanks, and you must've been staring at him for too long because the smallest bit of worry falls on his face. "You okay? I'm not forcing you, you know? Saying no is okay."

Saying... no? To a man that looks like he was crafted by Zeus himself? Hell no! "No! I-I mean, yes, I mean—"

"Take your time pretty boy, I'm not going anywhere."

He's adjusted your position to where you're facing each other, hands still intertwined as he looks at you with a soft (?) expression. Taking a deep breath, you force yourself to make eye contact with him.

You've never looked at his this close before. Sure, you two have cuddled to sleep on countless nights, but then you were always faced away from each other.

He has long eyelashes. Not extremely long, but longer than you thought they were. Even if his eyes are black, you've noticed they soften whenever he looks at you, it makes him pretty.

Meekly, you nod. Holding your head down to try and hide your embarrassment. Before you can, though, Zoro stops you by lifting your chin up with his finger. "You can use words, can't you?"

It should sound condescending, the way he's talking to you, but it sounds more encouraging than anything. Even if there might be light teases mixed with his words.

"Yes, I, I would want to be your uhm... your boyfriend."

Zoro grins at that, pressing a quick kiss on your lips and twisting you around, pulling you closer so the back of your head is between his boobs pecs. "Love you, pretty boy."

"I-I love you too, Zoro," You force out, even if it feels like you're overheating due to the blood rushing to your cheek and... other places, as well as Zoro's added body heat.

You two truly were like otters.

[lovemybluebully]

Salad is a Four Letter Word

Soooooo Venom seems to be popular again, especially with my new pal @ticklishdeadpool so this one is for you, buddy! 🍻

While I don't think I'm going to see the new movie I did decide to dig into my graveyard of abandoned fics. Found this WIP that I had started after the first movie came out and have now filled in all the gaps for your viewing pleasure. It was a little tricky as I haven't seen the movie in awhile, but hope I did okay. For that reason, I probably won't be writing anymore Venom fics for the current time, but at least this one will be out there now.

It's a totally nonsense-type of fic. lol Didn't really have anywhere that I was going with it so it had been abandoned, but still just fun, silly interactions between Eddie and Venom. With tickles of course! Me, write a fic without tickling? 🤣 Good one.

If you have a flesh-loving alien inside of you, you don't threaten to force him to eat salad. 😆

Venom (Movieverse)

Word Count: 2,546

"What are we doing here? We don't like this place."

Eddie let out an exasperated groan as he stood in the lobby of the hospital, waiting for the elevator to come back down.

"I already told you, Anne just wants to be safe and have Dan check me out. You know, just in case my body is having any adverse effects to you practically living inside me."

"We can assure you it is not," Venom gave an offended growl from inside of him just as the elevator doors opened.

"Yeah, well as much as I'd like to believe you we'll let the body scan decide that," Eddie nodded as he stepped into the elevator and pushed the button to the correct floor.

"Eddie doesn't trust us," the symbiote accused, prompting Eddie to roll his eyes as they moved up the floors of the building. For a powerful super alien from outer space he could sure be sensitive sometimes.

"Shut up, it's not that it's just that I need proof. I'm a reporter, and I like to have the facts."

"The fact is you're being a traitorous piece of shit."

The elevator finally stopped as they reached the selected floor and Eddie walked out into the hallway. He sighed heavily once he stopped in front of the door to Dan's office; his eyes looking up towards the ceiling as if trying to find his calm.

"Tell you what, if you behave here then we'll go get some McDonald's after this. Fair?"

"....Ok, deal. But lets make it a quick visit! I'm hungry!"

"You're always hungry," Eddie shook his head as he opened the door where the doctor and Anne were waiting.

"Hi Eddie, really nice to see you again," Dan welcomed him as he stood up from his desk and walked around to shake Eddie's hand.

"You too. Uh sorry we're late. My alarm didn't go off, and when I was trying to get out the door Venom was being his usual primadonna self and-Gaah!" Eddie grunted when a single symbiote tendril reached out and poked him in the ribs, just under the armpit.

"Keep talking, Eddie," Venom hissed threateningly; his head popping out from his host's back and wrapping himself over the wide shoulders.

"Well now I see who wears the pants in this relationship," Dan laughed, but it died out when Eddie gave him an annoyed glare, not finding his joke amusing in the slightest.

"It's a good thing you're a doctor and not a comedian."

"And it's a good thing you're a reporter and not a giant loser....oh wait," Venom snickered to himself while Eddie glared back at him.

"That's it. Deal's off."

"NOOOOO!!!" Venom wailed in sorrow as Eddie gave a smug grin and reconfirmed his earlier comment.

"See? Primadonna."

"Come on, guys, take it easy. This will all be quick and painless," Anne tried to break it up, though always finding their antics to be amusing.

"Yeah, it shouldn't be bad at all. Very standard procedure. So if you're ready we can get this all underway."

Eddie was then handed a hospital gown to change into as Dan led the way down to the lab.

.......................................

"Alright, buddy, we're gonna do an MRI now, and I know you don't like that so take a hike for a minute," Eddie instructed the alien as he gestured a thumb away from himself.

"Do I have to?"

"Just do it, would ya?"

"Ohhh ok," Venom grumbled as he seeped out of Eddie onto the floor, mostly forming into a blob, but with a serpent-like head extending out. Eddie blinked for a moment and then smirked down at the symbiote.

"You know, I never noticed how cute you actually look like that."

"We are not cute!" Venom glared up at him as Anne looked the symbiote over and nodded.

"You kinda are," she agreed with a grin, causing Venom to hiss and slither off out of the room.

"Well lets get this over with before Venom has a heart attack from not eating for thirty minutes," Eddie joked, purposely saying it loud enough for the alien to hear.

"It's been an hour, you prick!"

"Ooooh sorry, one whole hour! Someone better call CPS on me," Eddie rolled his eyes and climbed up onto the table. He then laid down with his arms at his sides as Anne looked back at Dan to give him the go ahead.

"Alright, we're all set. Here goes nothing," Dan said over the speaker as he controlled the conveyor to slide into the tube until only Eddie's legs and feet were sticking out, "Now try not to move and this won't take long."

"Got it," Eddie nodded, but with the position he was in Anne couldn't resist teasing him a little.

"Comfy in there?" Anne grinned playfully, running a finger up the bottom of Eddie's bare foot as the man yelped and jerked his leg.

"He-Hey! Well not when you do THAT!"

"Sorry, it's just too easy," she briefly tickled his other foot receiving another squawk of objection as Eddie pulled up his knees to put his feet flat on the table.

"Heehee, stop it!"

"Get him again, Anne," Venom goaded into the microphone from where he sat next to Dan inside the control room as Eddie yelled back at him.

"Shut your mouth, parasite!"

Dan was trying to remain professional, but had to use his hand to cover his mouth so he could hide his amused smile.

"Lay still, please. Anne, leave the patient alone."

Anne smirked, giving him a wink as she walked away to join Dan and Venom. Once he saw that she was at a safe distance Eddie put his legs back down.

A few moments later the machine came to life and began the in-depth scan, while the three observed on the monitors in the control room. After a minute of looking at the pictures on the screens Dan cleared his throat.

"Hmm. Well that's interesting...," the doctor trailed off in his thought, making Eddie assume something was wrong.

"What? What do you see?! He hasn't been snacking on my organs, has he?! Venom!"

"Actually everything looks perfectly normal. Organs are all intact, no restrictions in your blood flow, heart looks healthy, brain functions are top notch. All in all I'd say you check out just fine. It's incredible," Dan put his hands up in astonishment as he sat back in his chair.

"So you're saying that having Venom inside of him hasn't done any damage whatsoever?"

Anne was just as surprised to learn this new information as Dan shook his head in response.

"Not that I can see, no."

"Told you, pussy," Venom sneered haughtily, slithering out of the control room back into view while the conveyor drew Eddie out of the machine.

"Well that's a relief," Eddie sat up and immediately began putting his clothes back on, "Guess I can sleep better tonight knowing that this parasite inside me isn't leeching off of my body so much."

"That can easily change if Eddie keeps calling us names...," the symbiote growled as Eddie just shook his head with an amused smirk. Dan then walked out into the room, scribbling some notes onto a clipboard.

"Alright, well since we're all done with that it's safe for Venom to get back into your body now."

"Yes!" Venom whooped as he quickly hurled himself at Eddie, knocking him back onto the table.

"Hey! Watch it!" Eddie grunted as he then found himself forced off of the table to his feet.

"Come on, lets go Eddie! Now!" Venom shouted as he took control and yanked Eddie's body across the room towards the door much to the surprise of the other two.

"Uhh, goodbye?" Anne gave an awkwardly half-wave.

"I promised him McDonaaaaaaald's!" Eddie's voice faded as Venom violently drug him out of the room.

A SHORT WHILE LATER....

"Happy now?" Eddie asked with a sickened frown as he recanted watching Venom devour over ten quarter pounder cheeseburgers. The alien belched in response from inside of him as they walked down the sidewalk.

"Yes. That will probably hold us over for another hour or so."

"You know, you're a pretty expensive date," Eddie groaned as he looked into his wallet, only having a few dollars remaining now.

"Would you rather we ate a human instead?"

"Uhhh no, heh. No, I'd appreciate if you didn't do that," he laughed nervously as he glanced around at all the people on the busy street that Venom could easily snatch up if he so desired.

"Well then you shouldn't complain. Besides, you love us."

"In a really screwed up kinda way, yeah I guess so," Eddie smirked, "Now shut up, will ya? People are gonna think I'm crazy if they see me walking around and talking to myself."

"People already think we are crazy," Venom pointed out, making Eddie shake his head.

"Not complete strangers. Now not another word until we get back home. Got it?"

"But Eddie we can't stay quiet that long..."

Eddie just kept his mouth closed, pretending he didn't hear anything.

"Eddie...."

Still Eddie continued to ignore him

"EddieEddieEddieEddieEddie!"

Eddie just continued facing forward as he focused on getting back to his apartment down the street.

"Ignore me will you...," Venom then grinned slyly as he crept out underneath Eddie's jacket to stay unseen and then gently squeezed the man's shirt covered ribs, making his body jerk in an unusual fashion.

"Gggnnh! You little...!" Eddie yelled just as he was passing a mother with her child, who looked at him accusingly as she pulled her daughter closer and hurried on.

"I'm...I'm sorry, I didn't mean....Not her, I just....," he tried to explain himself as he stammered after them to no avail, hearing the mother mention something to the little girl about, 'That is why you don't do drugs'.

Venom chuckled at how perfect the timing of that had been as Eddie growled.

"Alright, very funny. Now stay still and stay quiet," he muttered, trying not to move his lips too much as his outburst had attracted some unwanted eyes.

He'd made it another half a block before his sides were being attacked again as he stumbled and clamped his arms down.

"Eeheehee!" He gave a high-pitched giggle, prompting some of the street vendors to give him odd looks as he blushed and tried to walk a little faster.

"Will you stop? You're making me look insane."

"Can we talk again?"

"No!" Eddie hissed, "Just keep your fucking mouth shut, and wait until we-Ehahahah!"

The tentacled goo dug into his armpits for a few moments as Eddie squirmed in place and laughed wildly.

"No, not there!" He yelped just as the tickling stopped, looking up to find people had paused on the street to stare at him with curious eyes.

"I uh...heh.....I'm just uhhh....," when he couldn't think of any kind of believable explanation he quickly just turned and walked away again.

"I hate you so much right now," he whispered loudly through gritted teeth, hearing Venom laugh from within and knowing he was getting a big kick out of making Eddie look like a fool.

"Think that's funny? Well guess who's eating nothing but salads for the next week or two."

Venom's snickers immediately were cut off as he was now silent for a moment.

".....You're bluffing," his voice was full of uncertainty and worry and that made Eddie smirk, knowing he had the upper hand now.

"Tickle me again and find out, fucker," Eddie threatened vaguely, and just let Venom stew in his thoughts for now about whether he was being serious or not.

It seemed to work as he had now made it a few blocks without incident, even stopping to have a nice chat with Mrs. Chen when he came across her sweeping up her store front.

"Evening, Mrs. Chen."

"Hello Eddie. Not going to buy a chocolate bar today like usual?"

"No, no chocolate. I was thinking about going on a diet actually," Eddie smirked slightly as he rubbed at his stomach.

"Ohhh, he's not going to like that," she smiled, referring to Venom and knowing that he was the one who had the sweet tooth.

"Well it's for his own good. Besides he's been misbehaving a lot lately so I had to put my foot down. Say you don't happen to sell any saHAAlads, do yoohou?" His body spasmed out of nowhere as the shop keeper gave him a concerned look.

"What's wrong, Eddie? Are you ok?"

"Yeah, I'm f-INE! I'm juhust....Venom keeps....teehehehehee...I...I gotta go-ho, Mrs. Chen," Eddie stuttered through his giggles as he gave her a wave and continued on his way down the street.

"Don't worry, dear, he'll be back for that chocolate," Mrs. Chen called to Venom with a smile as the alien peeked out from under the back of Eddie's jacket and gave her a wink.

"V! What did I tell you?!" Eddie spat once they were out of earshot, "You really want to eat nothing but salads for a week?!"

All was quiet for a few moments before Venom finally gave a reply that made Eddie's skin crawl.

"Worth it."

A split second later and the tendrils were everywhere on his upper body; this time staying underneath his t-shirt to get directly at the bare skin. They were wriggling all over from his hips and belly all the way up his sides into his armpits, and there was nothing Eddie could do to try to hide his reactions.

The man was in a laughing fit now as he nearly fell over but managed to find his footing and continued to hurry down the sidewalk despite all the people staring at the hysterically laughing man as he went by. The tickling was unrelenting this time as he desperately looked for some kind of escape.

He finally was able to duck down an alleyway, stumbling and tripping over a garbage can as he went further down. After giving a brief look to make sure no one was around he collapsed with his back against a wall and shouted through his laughter.

"Okaaahaay! Okaahaahaaay! Hahahaha! You caahaan tahahalk agahahain! Now pleeeheease st....stop tihihickling meeheee!" His arms uselessly pressed to his sides as he kicked out and squirmed.

"And the salads.....?" Venom pressed with goo squirming up to tickle the reporter's sensitive neck as well, making him squeal out giggles.

"A johohoke! Juhuhust a johohohoke! Ahaahahaheeheehee! Plehehease buhuhuddy! I'm sohohorry!" Eddie shouted for mercy and was grateful when it was granted to him as he tried to calm down and get his breath back. Venom then popped out of his jacket to give him a shit-eating smile.

"Nice of you to come around, Eddie."

"....You're an asshole," Eddie glared playfully at him, giving him a small shove.

"Takes one to know one."

"Yeah? I thought I was a pussy?"

"Yes, but you're our pussy," the symbiote replied as Eddie's face gradually twisted in revulsion.

"Uhhh, thanks? I mean, that hardly sounds like a compliment, but thanks?"

"The best pussy we've ever had," Venom grinned proudly, in his mind thinking that had sounded better as Eddie only sighed and put his face in his palms.

"Please stop."

"Definitely the biggest."

"You can still eat me, right?"

[thollandsgirl2013]

𝐍𝐨 𝐊𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐬

Parings → Dad! Tom Holland x Mum! Reader

Warnings → none

Summary → Your son, Theo doesn't like it when his dad kisses you. He thinks it's gross.

You were in the kitchen, making lunch, when Tom sneaked up behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you close. You smiled, feeling the warmth of his embrace as he pressed a soft kiss to your cheek.

“Mmm, what was that for?” You asked, leaning into him.

“Just because,” Tom whispered, turning your head gently and capturing your lips in a sweet kiss. Before you could deepen it, you heard a loud groan from the living room.

“Ewww! Mummy! Daddy! Stop that!” Theo whined, his little voice filled with disgust.

You both turned to see your five-year-old son, Theo, standing there with his hands dramatically covering his eyes. His toy cars, now forgotten, lay scattered around him as he peeked through his fingers, making sure you weren’t kissing anymore. “That’s gross! No more kissing!”

Tom laughed, pulling away slightly but still keeping his arm around your waist. “What’s wrong, mate? It’s just a kiss.”

Theo shook his head, his face scrunched up. “Mummy is mine, not yours, Daddy!”

“Oh, is that so?” Tom teased, raising an eyebrow. He leaned in again and gave you another quick kiss, this time on your forehead, knowing full well it would drive Theo crazy.

“Daddyyyyyy!” Theo wailed, covering his eyes again. “You’re not listening!”

But while Theo whined, Samara, your three-year-old daughter, was sitting on the floor nearby, clapping her little hands and giggling. “Yay! Kissy, kissy!” She cheered, her face lighting up with joy. “Again, Daddy!”

Tom grinned, clearly enjoying the split reactions of his kids. “See? At least Sammy appreciates me.”

Samara continued to clap and giggle, her laughter contagious. “More kissy! Daddy woves Mama!” She chanted.

Theo, still covering his eyes, groaned even louder. “Nooooo! No more kissing! It’s gross! Mummy is mine! You can’t kiss her, Daddy!”

You couldn’t help but laugh, reaching down to scoop Theo into your arms. “Oh, my baby boy,” you said, kissing his cheek. “You’ll always be my baby, but Daddy can give me kisses too, okay?”

Theo squirmed in your arms, wiping off your kiss with the back of his hand. “Only my kisses, Mummy. Daddy’s kisses are yucky.”

Tom feigned offense, placing a hand over his heart. “Yucky? Well, guess I’ll have to kiss Mummy more just to prove you wrong.” He leaned in, pretending to go for another kiss.

Theo shrieked, covering his face once again. “Nooo! Cooties!”

Samara was now practically bouncing in place, clapping her hands even harder. “Yayy!”

You laughed, pulling Theo closer to calm him down, while Tom scooped up Samara, spinning her around as she giggled in delight.

“Well, I guess Samara and I are on the same team,” Tom said, kissing her forehead. “Right, Sammy?”

“Yeah, daddy!” Samara cheered, her tiny arms wrapping around Tom’s neck.

Theo, still not having it, pointed a finger at Tom. “No kissing Mummy, Daddy! Or I’ll… I’ll tell Grandma!”

Tom gasped dramatically, pretending to be scared. “Oh no, not Grandma! Anything but that!”

You shook your head, still smiling. “Alright, no more kisses in front of Theo,” you said, winking at Tom.

But as soon as Theo turned around to go back to his toys, Tom leaned in and quickly kissed you on the lips again. Theo spun back, his face scrunched up in exaggerated frustration.

“Daddyyyyy!”

Tom laughed, pulling you closer. “Sorry, buddy, but I can’t help it. Your mummy’s just too kissable.”

As Theo continued to protest, and Samara cheered for more kisses, you couldn’t help but chuckle at your chaotic little family.

°:. *₊ ° . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ° .•

[thechekhov]

Dungeon Meshi Quick Reacts

CH.28 (Red Dragon)

I'm sure nothing will go wrong from here on out! :)

Okay, but she worked hard using illegal magic! She deserves this! I support women's rights, and women's wrongs.

Oh. Oh I see.

Is THAT what the kids are calling it these days...?

File that under 'foreshadowing I'm sure will come back to haunt us all later'.

Ah, yes. Tell your cleric girlfriend about your forbidden wizardry. Or don't. Actually. Maybe don't.

distract, discombobulate, overcome. Eyes up...there... Falin....

YOU DIDN'T ERASE IT YET???? MARCILLE, THE PLOT--!!

No bag of holding, huh? Well, I guess you'd need a bag of colding....

At this point, the fact that Chillchuck is still... well... chill? Is really shocking to me personally. He just takes it all in stride.

She did it for love, you guys! It's fine!

"My motives are noble! Anyway, if you ever tell a soul about this--"

uh oh.

Senshi, how could you not have known?!?!

Do we have to resurrect you too now?! Is Marcille's list of crimes going to just keep going up?

oh, apparently not. Why does SHE look surprised?

I guess when you create a body for your girlfriend using a dragon, which is inherently magical.... you kinda supercharge her?

Congrats on your easy bake oven! It's conveniently made of... meat?

So... it's philly steak sandwiches? From dragon?

I mean, what did you expect? She's Laios' sister... of course she'll eat it.

Also, come on Marcille. Several hours ago you were elbows deep in dragon gut, doing a 3D jigsaw puzzle with her digested bones. You can stomach this.

Just think of it as Falin being partially inside you................

I damn well told you. And look at Laios' smirk! He knew she'd be down.

Chilldadchuck is back at it again with the side eye.

He's not even impressed lmaooooo

B-but... but your little buddy! You would drown it just like that?! It hasn't even done anything malicious to you! It was just trying to survive!

..............Press X to doubt.

You know the uh. The contrast between that upper left panel and the bottom right is. Quite. Quite there. That's quite. Different.

ohohohoh Marcille what an unexpected turn of events! No way around it I'm afraid! Bed sharing is the only way.

This is the strongest display of emotion we've seen in Laios in a while. It's. really so telling. And what a good shot.

YOU DIDN'T FUCKING ERASE IT?!?!?!? HOW HARD COULD IT HAVE POSSIBLY BEEN--WHY-- NOOOOO!!!!!

[shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii]

What if Buddy had a sister?

(I made an AU of if Buddy had a sister imma draw it online later cause they look a bit funky on paper and also so I can draw them with color too! Meet Tiny!)

“Tiny”

Buddy was already in chains. The story is supposed to be finished by now. All Prunella has to do is send him of to jail. All she had to say is “Take him to jail”. Just a few simple words. But nooooo, Buddy and Chase were fighting and Prunella thinks this is entertaining. And you know what they were fighting about? They were bickering over if chips are the same things as crackers or not. How did the small insult Buddy gave off turn into a war of are chips and crackers the same? Deacon was done. Absolutely over it.

“Chase come on wrap it up the guards have been standing there for 10 minutes already and they are starting to look lifeless” Deacon tapped Chase’s on his shoulder

“UGH!! I DONT CARE DORKIN, LOOK BUDDY IS TALKING NONSENSE YOU HEAR ME ACTUAL NONSENSE!!!” Chase said

“NO IM NOT!!! SEARCH IT UP, CHIPS AND CRACKERS ARE THE SAME THING!!! SOME CRACKERS ARE CALLED CHIPS!!! YOUR THE IDIOT HERE!!!” With 2 guards on the sides of him holding Buddy’s arm he still had no fear to speak up to the newly married princesses.(Chase)

“Ugh Deacon it was getting to the good part but you interrupted it” Prunella said rolling her eyes

“Look. Chase. please. let’s just end the book later Prunella will get home later than usual and they will get suspic-“

“Yeah yeah save it dorkin I’m wrapping I’m wrapping!” Then Chase turned over to Buddy, “GO SUCK ON A TAILPIPE!!!”

Chase grabbed on Deacons arm and started to leave

“PERHAPS I WILL-“ Buddy was about to yell back

Suddenly a flash of light appeared.

“Wait Chase, we need Prunella to send off Buddy” Then Deacon looked at the flashing light. “Huh???”

“WOAH CHASE WAIT!!!” Prunella pointed at the light “I-it looks like another person?!”

“Huh” Chase turned around to see a small female figure. She looked about 14-16 years old. She seemed to almost about Chase’s height and looked thin. Her hair was a a deep black with strands or maroon extensions in it and she had the same pale skin as Buddy.

“BROTHER!!!” She yelled and scampered to hug Buddy but he jumped back leaving her to awkwardly hug herself. The guards then grabbed Buddy making him stay in place this time.

“W-WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE- Uh YOU???!!!” Buddy tried to grab her but the shackles and the guards grabbing his arms prevented him to.

“THATS YOUR SISTER??” Chase exclaimed with both of his hands on his head as he ran back to Buddy.

“Yes I a-“

“NO SHE IS NOT I- I DONT KNOW HER A-AT ALL!!!” Buddy then faced the smaller girl “why are you here?” He whispered in a forceful tone.

“O-oh Ahem,” the girl faced to Chase, “My brother speaks the truth I am not a sibling”

Buddy would smack his face if his hand weren’t in shackles currently.

Then the small figure looked towards Buddy and whispered back “I’m here to help! They lended me a key and said it was ok so-“

“Don’t” Buddy turned away, avoiding her face.

“You look like a tiny version of Buddy” Chase looked at her in admiration while Deacon looked at her shocked.

“Noooo, we don’t need a smaller version of Buddy!”

“Who is this “Buddy” person you’re talking about amongst yourself?” The girl asked

“Oh that’s “not your brother” over there” Prunella pointed at Buddy and you could see the embarrassment in his face. His eyes weren’t as narrow as usual and his face revealed a shade of pink. He couldn’t deny what prunella said though… it was true. THAT STUPID CHASE FOR GIVING HIS SUCH A RIDICULOUS NICKNAME!!!

The girl scoffed, “that can’t be true, brother is cruel and unforgiving, that’s a name you give to a fellow friend”

Buddy sorta tapped her with his elbow, “please, just… stop”

Oh. It was true. That’s the nickname he has been given. Well it just gives something to make fun of him for!

Then the girl looked the trio up and down giving a menacing and judgmental look. I mean teens already look very judgey but she looked like she put extra judgement into that look.

Deacon felt shivers down his spine and Prunella gave a stare at her back. Meanwhile Chase…

“Oh… oh she is adorable” Chase finally got out

“Wait. WHAT?” Chase had said the literal opposite of what Deacon was thinking.

“Oh please, I already know that- are… are you the one with the heroine key?” She responded, “Ah brother talks about you a lot!” She said as she grabbed Chase by his necklace.

Getting a closer look at her, Chase could see that she has wide narrow gray eyes. You could see a hint of blue within the deep gray.

“Buddy talks about me? WHAT DOES HE SAY????”

“NO NO NO PLEASE SHUT UP” Buddy said really fast

“NOOOO DONT LISTEN TO BUDDY JUST TELL ME TINY” Chase grabbed on to the girls shoulders

“Tiny? Well no I can’t anymore” she looked over to Buddy “brother has told me not to” she said with a little smirk on her face, “it’s really really good blackmail~”

“WAIT JUST TELL ME IS IT GOOD STUFF OR BAD?”

The girl ignored Chase and looked over to the others “Who is the one with the helper key?” Then she looked at the keys wrapped around Prunella’s and Deacons neck. “Oh so you’re the helper and you’re the hero!” She looked at Deacon with a smirk on her face “You are perfect for the helper key”

“Wait what does that mean?”

“And you- well aren’t you a little too young to be a hero?”

“Gold coming from you” Buddy scoffed

“Ay watch it Tiny! I’m a survival expert and also I’m 8! I am old!” Prunella tried to argue back

“You know what! Take her away guard and uh- take that person too!” Prunella said

“HEY! I DIDNT DO ANYTHING! THIS DOESNT HAPPEN TO MY ROLE!!”

Buddy gave tiny a small laugh “Get used to it- Tiny~” while adding a a mock in his tone saying “Tiny”

They were finally taken away by the guards and the story can to an end.

———————————————————

“PRUNELLA!!! I WASNT DONE TALKING TO TINY YET!!” Chase groaned as he flopped to his bed

“Now we gotta deal with more “sassyness” Deacon said

“(Sigh) I guess so…” Prunella replied

“Wait does anyone remember what key she had?”

All three of them stared at each other clueless

———————————————————

(The stuff Buddy told Tiny about Chase, I feel like they would have gossip sessions time to time lol. So this is before this incident)

“UGH!! I-I HATE THAT GUY SO MUCH!” Buddy scrunched his hair

“Oh shoot your back early- are you talking about the one with the heroine key?” Tiny questioned. She was trying to find Buddy’s chocolate stash but when she finally did he came back. Luckily he was to busy with his head he didn’t notice her reaching there.

“Well yeah I hate him too but I was talking about the one with the helper key!! Why does he always come with Chase? Even the kid doesn’t go with Chase often!!!”

“They are probably siblings or something” Tiny slowly reached her hand to Buddy’s chocolate stash under his bed.

“No the can’t be sibling-“ Buddy started pacing around the room, “Chase has soft golden rich-blonde hair that looks warm in the storybook sunlight. It seems so honey-like and his eyes are a dark brown but they look milky. The closer you look into it it starts to look like chocolate. Not only that but his eyes compliment his tan smooth skin and-“

“Ok what about the guy with the the helper key?” Tiny saw in the corner of her eye the chocolate bar she finally got a hold of.

“Oh… Deacon…” Buddy said in a very judgmental tone “Well he has freckles all over his face and he doesn’t have a good sense of fashion. Like why would Chase like him?! I’m clearly better and he also has poo poo color hair! I’m sexier and more handsome. IM ALSO-“ Buddy went rambling on how much better he is than Deacon in every way

“Uh huh… uh huh…” Tiny was too focused on her own thing. Ok, now it’s time to slowly unwrap the chocolate bar, Buddy was yapping a lot so it might cover the sound of the crinkle. This was very dangerous and yet Tiny still took the risk.

“Ugh! You know what? Thinking of Chase’s eyes is making me hungry-“ Buddy turned over his chocolate stash “HEY!!!”

“NOOO” Tiny was so close to putting the chocolate to her mouth

Buddy dashed towards her and grabbed the chocolate out of her hand “AND YOU WONDER WHY I DONT TRUST YOU!!”

“AHHH PLEASE JUST ONE BITE”

“NO THESE ARE MINES- and they are from Chase” Buddy mumbled the last half of that sentence

[matan4il]

911 ep 701 first watch reactions

(I don't think I have the energy to write proper Buddie meta, so here's me randomly squealing instead...)

LMAO In case you were wondering whether s7 of 911 will be subtle about their gratitude/debt to ABC for saving the show, the answer is a resounding no.

Also, I have lost a lot of respect for Frank as a shrink, but gained a lot of love for him as a sass king. "Did she win!?" The murderous look Athena gave him was priceless. I love her, too. She doesn't even need words to rule.

Man, nooooo. Don't give me a mutual "I love you" between Bobby and Athena like that.

"Go ahead and cut the green wire." Everyone and their sister: "Green? You said Red."

9-1-1 is the superior comedy they slipped into our drink, while we were here for our weekly action, suspense, drama and familial love.

Buck broke off with Natalia, and the show really did it like that. XD Every single person who rolled their eyes at this pairing during s6, we were all justified, but wow. The show really is the only forum to respect the pair even less than fandom does. And of course we find out about it in the middle of a scene built around Eddie being half naked, Buck watching him, with the camera specifically turning so we can discover Buck was initially covered by Eddie's body, and the angle change reveals him, when the whole thing wraps up with Eddie welcoming Buck back to the land of the living... Yeah, wonder what made Buck feel alive again. Don't know. 'Tis a mystery. We were given zero clues...

"I want the honeymoon life." *cries* Chimney is just such a good, good man. And okay, expecting your whole life to be a honeymoon's a bit unrealistic, but Madney are living together and they have a child. They know this. Chim knows this, but he still wants to go for it. Aim for the moon, you'll at least land among the stars, right?

Bobby baffled by Athena's reaction to Norman and Lola is hilarious.

I like how Chim has a great idea, but it's still obvious that it's gonna go wrong, because he can't help going overboard with it...

OMG, that scene with Eddie recounting to Buck what Christopher's date was like... If I were to write my Buddie meta, I would serve a three course meal just from that. I mean, the fact that watching Chris hanging out with a girl he likes, makes Eddie compare it to "hanging out with his guy friends" (when there's no lack of interest in this girl... in fact, it turns out that if anything, Christopher's problem is the opposite of a lack of interest) is so telling. There's a reason why that's where Eddie's mind went.

But then also... Eddie's trust in Buck got to me, the way he went to his best friend (not his own gf) for help with Chris. But that was still played with half a smile. But then Buck sort of disses himself jokingly, and Eddie won't have it. "You didn't end up like you." He sees how Buck worked on being a better person, even when Eddie wasn't there for the worst of it, and he appreciates it, and won't let Buck forget it. Meeeep. I love them.

Oh Chim. I was giving you so much credit, and then you went and bought that outdoors jacuzzi. lol Still love him. That's what Maddie's reminding herself of right now, too. ;p

Poor Hen, she was great in this ep, but none of it was really about her, she was comic relief, both with Chim and with the red wire. Then again, she was amazing in this, like she always is with everything.

Eddie and Buck were both so good with Chris this ep, MY HEART. Buck with getting him to talk about what's really bothering him, and Eddie with realizing exactly what his son needs, and how to give it to him. They completed each other. Neither one would be helping Chris without the other one. Tell me again how they're not soulmates?

In conclusion, I love Bobby saying, "Let's go prove one of us wrong," when they're both right. Something WAS going on with Norman and Lola, AND Athena was using them to avoid him.

Argh. That scene of the ship and its passengers being hijacked was rough to watch. </3 I'll still be here to watch the conclusion of this. That's the power of 9-1-1 for you.

It def felt like a great kick to the new season. We had lots of comedy and fun, some great tension, some emotional moments (especially with Christopher), but all in all, it's still clear that the whole thing's a build up to next week. Are you excited?

[mammons-lover]

News Anchor: Have you seen this man? (Shows a picture of Beel)

Leviathan: Beel, is that you?!

Beelzebub: Umm… no.

Lucifer (sternly): Beel, what did you do?

News Anchor: This man right here stole 167 food items from the store. Oh, and you’ll get a kick out of this—he snatched an ice cream cone out of a child’s hand as he was leaving.

Asmodeus (shocked): Beelzebub, you didn’t...

Beelzebub: I’m sorry!

Lucifer: You’re sorry? Not only did you steal everything from the store, but you took from a baby? Beel, that’s horrible.

Leviathan (laughing): Yeah, that’s Mammon low.

Beelzebub: Nooooo.

Lucifer: Beelzebub, I’m very disappoi—

News Anchor: Oh, we’re getting another report. There’s a white-haired man with dark skin who stole the Mona Lisa.

Lucifer: Mammoooon!

Asmodeus (laughing uncontrollably): What’s going on?!

News Anchor: Wait, he’s been arrested. Oh lord, he was caught 2 miles away trying to sell the painting to people passing by.

Lucifer: I swear, anytime I’m not with you all, you decide to commit crimes. What is wrong with all of you?!

Belphegor: We’re demons. Why aren’t we committing more crimes?

Leviathan (concerned): Umm, not to be that guy, but are we going to pay Mammon’s bail?

Lucifer: Yeah, but he can spend a night in jail as punishment.

In prison:

Mammon (holding the bars, desperate): Please, I have the right to make a call!

Officer (rudely saying): Sorry, no calls for you.

Random Prisoner (grinning): Hey there, buddy. You can use my phone. Pulls a phone out of his pants.

Mammon (horrified): Uh... thanks, man.

Mammon reluctantly uses the "butt phone" and dials Lucifer's number.

Lucifer (answering): What do you want, Mammon?

Mammon (pleading): Lucifer, you gotta get me outta here! These guys are crazy! They put me in a cell with a guy that's had a phone in his butt!

Lucifer: Mammon, you tried to sell the Mona Lisa on the street. What were you thinking?

Mammon (desperate): I was thinkin' I needed money! Come on, Lucifer, I can't stay here!

Lucifer (firmly): You need to learn a lesson, Mammon. Spend the night there. We’ll talk tomorrow.

Mammon (whisper panicking): No, no, no! Lucifer, please! I swear I’ll be good! The officers are mean, and I have to use a butt phone!

Lucifer (calmly): These are the consequences of your actions. I’ll pick you up tomorrow. Goodnight, Mammon. Hangs up.

Mammon (tears welling up): Lucifer? Lucifer! Starts crying.

Mammon reluctantly hands the phone back to Bubba, then sits in the corner, trying to avoid seeing Bubba put the phone back in his pants.