#oh no its babbit

[bones-of-a-rabbit]

but not everyone likes fun and games.

it was only supposed to be silly, lighthearted, something to bring a smile to your face. and how could they have known that somewhere inside you is an animal that still holds the fear of being trapped, held down, torn apart?

(could be considered a sort of side-part to the Bitter-Bones saga, that weird edgy angsty thing i did a while back that was abt Sun n Moon disliking a self insert and the self insert taking it badly lol. maybe this takes place when sun n moon are trying to be nice n make up for being huge jerks for so long lmao)

[bones-of-a-rabbit]

th-that me,,,,,,,,,,

I was scrolling through my art folders on procreate, and I found this huge panoramic piece of a bunch of fnafsb Sun & Moon artists with mini versions of their Suns & Moons that I really looked up to.

Unfortunately it never really got past the sketching phase and even then I hadn’t gotten everyone drawn who I wanted to.

But looking back at it gives me this big smile and reminds me of all the good memories of the fandom I think I might as well share it.

Also mind you this is like a year old so it may not be entirely accurate to the designs.

Why I like to torture myself with these elaborate panoramic pieces with like 10+ individuals on a piece is beyond me.

Under the cut is the @ for everyone in this

I’m sorry for the mass @ing

It’ll go from left to right

@maiko-coy

@hashbrowniss

@fluffffpillow

@luckydragon333

@twitchydoodle

@ragingtwilight

@pinkiepig

@chlorenw

@jack-o-phantom

@eating-you-alive-cutely @soopenedraws

@twinanimatronics & @dana-chan-the-control-brain

@bamsara

@paper-lilypie

@kitty-c4t

@bones-of-a-rabbit

@vurelly

@maudiemoods

@oobbbear

@glitchysquidd

@opudont-donut

@spaciebabie

@chankchua @traichank

@witchysolfan

@newts-and-sharks

@gutz-munch

@solarrush

@might-be-a-potato

If you’re reading this and you’re one of the @ individuals, thank you. You guys are amazing artists that I’ll always look up to and I’ll always look forewards to seeing your art. Keep up the great work and I hope you have a wonderful day/night

Even if you aren’t, thanks for reading and looking at my art! I really appreciate it. I hope you too are having a wonderful day/night and know that you’re doing great.

[nazrigar]

Personal Halloween Character Design Challenge - Slashertown

Time to reveal what I've been doing for Halloween/Spooktober!

Basically a personal character design challenge, inspired by my Tiger vs Slasher Villain post!

The gist is that it's set in a town that's basically a magnet for various kinds of horror villain archetypes, ESPECIALLY Slashers... hence its Name.

The Leads: The main protags of the challenge/setting.

Linda Rivera - A young woman of Spanish-American descent, known equally for both her stubborness and her empathy, and a strong, strong survival instinct. She's the been the "Final Girl" for most of her life, be it as a survivor of a literal cult war when she was a kid to Prom night when she was a teen. She cosplays and paints minis for a living, and is genuinely curious about what's REALLY going on in Slashertown.

Rodney "The Ripper" Rackham. Filling in for the unstoppable masked slasher villain ala Jason and Michael Myers, Rodney was once just a humble shop student with an interest in metallurgy and blacksmithing, until one day a trip to the woods went terribly wrong. For years he was the town's most famous slasher, targeting repairshops and others indiscriminately... nowadays he's more famous for another thing -killing other slashers.

Animal Companions: Filling in for the Animal guide/voice of wisdom, ala Coraline

Peggy Thirteen is Linda's cat. A crafty and wiley critter than seems to know just about every nook and cranny in town. Unusually intelligent for a cat, and remarkably obedient when Linda says to "stay put". There's more to her than meets the eye, as shown with her smug face.

Maharaja is the town celebrity Tiger, having been the one to save Linda from a slasher known as "Henry the Hatchet" a few years ago. Unbelievably strong, and much like Peggy, seems to be far more intelligent than what a big cat should be. Linda certainly suspects something.

Cannibal Archetypes: Self explanatory

Marlowe Magritte: Filling in for the Hannibal Lecter side of the cannibal villain, with a dash of Slowik from The Menu, he's the owner of the most famous restaurant in town. His food is to die for, as certain patrons disappeared in his business, just infrequent enough that no one suspects anything. Sure, while having liver with a nice chianti is nice, what he's REALLY after are memories and experiences. THAT to him, is what makes a true experience.

Merle "The Man Ogre" Mason: The Hills have Eyes meets Leatherface, Merle was a man exposed to chemicals during the end of World War 2 and became a mutant... THEN the magics of the town turned him into a cannibalistic monster, lurking about the hills just outside of town. Suprisingly articulate despite his looks!

Lethal Ladies: Because one can never go wrong with more female slasher villains!

Heather Berry lost her mind when she couldn't be Queen of High School Land, and thus took it out on some students, before mysteriously dissapearing after a fight with eternal Final Girl Linda. Now she's back, as Haley Babbit, successful business women with great PR... but beneath the facade, is still the same bloodthirsty Heather!

Liv Malone - SHE FOLLOWS. Slowly. Very slowly. Sure, she's completely unrelenting in her need to dispatch someone, but man oh-man is she SLOW. A simple shove is usually all that's needed to stop her from following you.

Killer Clowns: And this time, they're a family!

Marco the Clown and Minnie the Mime are a brother sister team that only wants to entertain you with their (occasionally lethal) shows! Please laugh at Marco's jokes and take Minnie's Art seriously, they get uspet if you don't!

Jethro the Jester is their grandfather, and leader of the group, simply known as The Troupe. One of the most powerful entities in town, his shows and acts seem to defy physics itself, and he'll always make sure that you leave the show a new person!

Terrible Toys: Three different flavors of violent toy!

Tricky the Ragdoll - Guardian of all children in town, much like Gamera, just one that's VERY open to lethal force when he sees a kid in trouble. Is actually quite helpful to them, no strings (ha!) attatched, offering blankets, food and subtly guiding kids to reunite with their parents if they ever get lost.

Mrs. Olivia - An overpossessive ghost of a woman from the 40s stuck in a porcelain doll. She'll do ANYTHING to protect her "poppets". ANYTHING. She is awoken whenever someone cleans up her toy body.

The Immolator - The most overtly Chucky-like of the bunch, with a dash of Small Soldiers. A psychotic, misanthropic inmate that winded up possessing the toy of a 90s action figure, he'll be more than happy to murder any meatbags in his sights... so long as he has batteries. The REAL danger is that, when dormant, he can imitate ANY voice possible, subtly suggesting you to really, REALLY give him those batteries!

Oceanic Killers: Because you gotta have a Jaws reference!

Big Bertha and Finn are a Great White Shark and Dolphin duo, that work together to un-alive silly and stupid hairless apes. Big Bertha LOVES the taste of humans, and would go out of her way to find 'em, but usually it's Finn that calls the shots. Any human that bothers him or makes fun of him, either gets a taste of his rostrum, or he sends Bertha to do the dirty work.

Primeval Horrors: Because everything's better with dinosaurs!

The Great One and his Flock: Combining both Jurassic Park and Hitchcock's the Birds, the Great One is a colossal, fifteen ton Tyrannosaurus rex, and is the oldest entity in town, and by far one of the most powerful. So powerful, that no slasher dares to enter his territory (which is the Slashertown Museum of Natural History). The birds of Slashertown are his eyes and ears, agents of his will, and those that mess with 'em don't tend to live to see the next sunrise. It's also a foolish thing to lay a hand on his skeleton, as the paleontologists who worship him like a god like to remind visitors. All those that have done so, either disappear (with the only remains being bloodied claw marks) or become skeletons stripped down to the bone.

[changingplumbob]

Samir at 5

I knew I wanted to have Reece and Samir going through a police report, but I figured to do that I would actually have to know what happened... So I did what I do and brainstormed via writing. I don't tend to do writing in the first person, but it felt right for this situation.

Here's Samir's experience of the attack that killed his parents. Content warning for death obvs (nothing is shown, just written).

Non English words Ab (Arabic) meaning father Abi (Arabic) meaning my father Ommi (Arabic) meaning mother

I’m not sure why I’m awake. I was having a bad dream, but now I’m awake I can’t remember what happened. I’m just left with the fear. Then I hear it. Through the wall comes a rhythmic... thumping? It doesn’t make any sense. Am I still dreaming?

Ab told me to be brave though. I want Ab to be proud of me. I pick up my stuffed bunny Babbit and hug him close. Slowly I crawl out of bed and approach my door, the tiles under my feet are cold. I press my ear to the wood and listen. I can hear Ommi crying. It sounds like Abi is comforting her. I know she likes my hugs, so I should go help. She always hugs me when I cry.

Nervously I inch open my door. I thought the noise was loud before. Oh, I was wrong. It’s much louder out here. I want to go back and hide in bed, but Ommi needs a hug. I leave my room slowly, Ab has his back to me and can’t see. If I want to get to Ommi I have to go past that front door. Out here I can tell it’s more than just thumping. There's a scratching noise to. It sounds like something wild is trying to get in.

We had a wild racoon under the house a month ago. Ab said it was sick and I wasn’t to touch it. Sometimes it would throw itself against the floorboards under my room. It would scratch at the beams beneath my bed, but that stopped last week so it must be better now. Perhaps it’s come back with its friends to steal more of our old fruit. As I tiptoe past the door, I hear something I can’t place. It’s a low deep growling. I’m sure it can’t be a racoon now and I freeze in place. I don't know what to do.

“Samir!” Ommi calls my name and I turn to her. She looks pale. I’ve never seen her pale before. Abi turns to me. He looks afraid. I didn’t know Ab could be afraid. He always chides me for jumping at noises in the woods, telling me nature is our friend and I must learn to be brave. I don’t think what’s at the door is our friend. I hug Babbit tighter.

“Hide Samir!” Ab and Ommi both move towards me then. I feel bad, maybe I’ve been caught doing something wrong. I back up. Then there’s a rush of air that blows me backwards along with the sound of wood tearing apart. Babbit isn't in my hand anymore. From the floor I can’t believe what I see. It’s not... it's not right. I can't be awake yet.

Moving through the doorframe is something large and not human. I don’t take it all in, I can’t, because of the eyes. They are bright red with flaming light, glowing. Sort of like the candles on my birthday cake last week. But this blaze isn’t fun, it scares me. Is it here to set me on fire?

I look around me for Babbit and start to scream for my parents when it happens. Broken light showing something sharp, and too big, I can't move away. Pressure on my skin and then I’m in agony. I think I hear Abi screaming, but it's starting to sound far away. You shouldn't yell at monsters, they'll just get mad, that's why I leave the one under my bed alone.

I look and can see my nightshirt is torn. Deep gashes cover my chest and I’m bleeding. I’ve bled before. I’ve lost count of how many trees I’ve fallen out of. Ommi always patches me up after. This is... different. The gashes are throbbing rhythmically, just like the thumping at the door was.

“Please, just let us-“ I can hear that Abi has his words cut off. I try to wake up but I can’t. It’s a nightmare, why can’t I wake up? I shouldn’t be dreaming this much pain. Then Ommi is over me, pressing something on my chest. I try to tell her it hurts, that I need Babbit, that I just want to give her a hug, but I can’t get any words out.

“Hold on Samir, hold on” I try to. I try to stay awake but it hurts so much... it hurts too much. Then Ommi is on top of me, pressing into me, I don’t know why. She’s heavier than I thought. I try to move but the weight of the blanket and her keeps me pinned. I can breathe but its tricky, and I can't see anything under Ommi. As I begin to feel less I can hear far too much. Strangled sobbing, strange tearing noises, a gurgling above me, my heartbeat in my head. Behind it all that low deep growl uttering nonsense words. Then everything is numb, and everything is dark.

REMINDER

Samir now does NOT remember all of this by the way, his brain has made him forget most of it. He does have nightmares about it from time to time, but like many dreams once he wakes up they mostly slip away.

[puzzlekinq]

HERE IT IS 🐇

oh my god its a babbit!!!! AAAAGHHHH!!!!

[minimanic]

JUNE MOVIE ROUNDUP!

Made it 33% of the way through my aspirational pride month list which is a little less than I'd hoped for but not the worst I've ever done. Viewing overwhelming skewed 90s with some notable exceptions.

Handful of unrelated and late additions that I also feel some type of way about.

Opinions and links under the read more

✨In which 90s queer cinema makes me nostalgic for a period of time that I was technically alive during✨

But I'm A Cheerleader (1999) Directed by Jamie Babbit: An absolutely adorable romcom about conversion therapy that handles its premise with more grace than anyone could have possibly expected. None the less, it stressed me out so bad i nearly ground my teeth to dust.

💚 But I'm a Cheerleader available on Internet Archive here, Tubi here

Nowhere (1997) Directed by Gregg Araki: I like to joke about how insufferable i would have been if I'd found Araki's films as a teenager but i think this is the one I would send back to myself if I could. The man takes teenage angst both seriously and honestly and that's a talent and a level of compassion that sets him apart. Also this one has aliens in it.

The Watermelon Woman (1996) Directed by Cheryl Dunye: The drive to find people who were like you within the history of art and culture, especially as a marginalized person, can be a consuming force and it's portrayed beautifully here. Also it absolutely rules to see a classic 90s indie slice of life film about black lesbians.

💚 The Watermelon Woman available on Internet Archive here

Bound (1996) Directed by Lilly and Lana Wachowski: It Just feels Good man. This one was a re-watch but it's a re-watch at nearly 20 years and it hits just as good today as it did when i was 15. If the Wachowski's excel at anything it's a commitment to catharsis.

✨More Pride month flics✨

You and the Night (2013) Directed by Yann Gonzalez: Admittedly, I don't have a ton of experience with low budget french films about supernatural events happening at an orgie but even so I'm confident this is the best of the genre or at the very least the sweetest. An absolute comfort film.

Apocalypse After (2018) Directed by Bertrand Mandico: It resonates. It's also full of goo and fun outfits and practical effects!

Pink Narcissus (1971) Directed by James Bidgood/Blank Narcissus (Passion of the Swamp) (2022) Directed by Peter Strickland: Pink Narcissus is a homoerotic fever dream that appreciates the erotic power of ass more than anything i have literally ever seen. It works completely. Blank Narcissus is equal parts cheap parody and fairly compelling rumination on lost love. It doesn't quite work but i get it.

💚 Pink Narcissus available on Internet Archive Here

El Pico (1983) Directed by Eloy de la Iglesia: I mean... its absolutely the prototype of the don't do drugs kids type dramas of the 90s but its noteworthy that it came out a solid decade before Trainspotting and co.

Lucifer Rising (1972) Directed by Kenneth Anger: Finally found a screener for this movie with more than 4 pixels! I'm gonna level with you. A couple weeks later I have forgotten literally everything about it despite my best efforts. I was certainly enthralled while watching it though. I'll give it that much.

💚Lucifer Rising available on YouTube here

💚 Most if not all of these can be watched through Solidarity Cinema. They're doing really excellent work over there. I use their streaming option through Plex and its been an absolute dream so far.

✨Movie I did not know was queer but oh my god holy shit✨

Anchoress (1993) Directed by Chris Newby: Threw this on for summer solstice and... its a revelation honestly. Part of the Folk Horror box set that came out a few years ago and definitely one of the best. The cinematography is beautiful. The ethos is immaculate. And who among us wouldn't have risked it all for a janky statue of Mary at some point in our life.

✨The Best of the Rest✨

Twister (1996) Directed by Jan de Bont: I am saying, truly and genuinely, with my whole chest: this is the best disaster movie ever made. Every single character is a delight, the effects inspire a mixture of fear and awe, it essentially watches like a road movie, Helen Hunt is trying to get revenge on a tornado. Its the rare perfect film.

Witch's Cradle (1944) Directed by Maya Deren: The best experimental films carry a sense of genuine magic with them and this has that in spades. Absolutely hypnotic.

💚 Watch Witch's Cradle on YouTube here

Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome (1985) Directed by George Miller: I fully forgot how good this movie is. You can really see a lot of the themes and sensibilities that would eventually come to fruition in Fury Road start to form here.

Moby Dick (1956) Directed by John Huston: Appropriately epic and perfectly cast, who doesn't want to watch Gregory Peck fight a whale?

💚 Moby Dick available on tubi here

Dr. Strangelove or: How I learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964) Directed by Stanley Kubrick: First time watching this one all the way through and in a packed theater no less! Tragically, the jokes still land just as hard as they did when it first came out. The whole theater lost it during Ripper's fluoride in the water bit. Kubrick's signature style is wildly successful when employed for comedic effect.

💚 Dr. Strangelove available on Internet Archive here

Galaxina (1980) Directed by Wilim Sachs: Is it a good movie? No absolutely not. Does it inspire a powerful fondness within me? It sure does! Imagine if Space Balls had no budget and periodic delusions of also being a real science fiction movie. That's what you're working with here and it is a delight.

💚 Galaxina available on YouTube here

[robertmitchum]

Top 5 musical numbers!

oh jeez let me think...

1) Alter Ego dance in Cover Girl, Gene Kelly was ahead of his time and invented so many innovative ways to bring music to screen.

2) Dancing On the Ceiling Scene with Fred Astaire, honestly again because of the innovation 

3) The Babbit and the Bromide because Fred Astaire and Gene Kelly dancing together who could ask for anything more 

4) El Tango De Roxanne, because Ewan McGregor’s voice even though Baz Luhrmann literally did 50000 jump cuts every 3 seconds I just love that song 

5) Singin’ In The Rain.....because its the fucking blueprint for me becoming obsessed with old hollywood in particular

[stingysbitch]

April 2020 Film Festival

A formal documentation of the shit I watched last month. If you’re actually reading this, I thank you <3

Beach Rats

Directed by Eliza Hittman

6 out of 10.

Honestly, the only reason this movie is over five stars because it was really, really pretty. Seriously, the cinematography and the overall aesthetic was to die for. However, as much as I wanted a queer story that defied most cinematic expectations for its genre, Beach Rats was not that. It’s raunchy, atmospheric, and anticlimactic. Wouldn’t bother watching unless you can handle stuff like that.

Portrait of a Lady on Fire

Directed by Céline Sciamma

10 out of 10.

Y’ALL. This movie was chef’s kiss and a HALF. It wasn’t too boring, wasn’t too pointless, and wasn’t too sad (although I did cry at the end —that was mainly because I realllyyy didn’t want this movie to end!). Basically, it’s the antithesis of the average gay movie. Now, given that it is set in this time period, I wouldn’t watch it if you’re not in the headspace for some heartbreak.

Anyway, onto the good stuff, the stuff that makes me believe this movie was one of the most beautiful, wonderfully symbolic, and awesomely crafted films of all time. First all, the colorization, the setting, the cinematography — simply divine. And then there was the carefully placed foreshadowing and symbolism. Oh my god. I cannot put how much I enjoyed this movie into WORDS. Watch it!!

Jojo Rabbit

Directed by Taika Waititi

9 out of 10.

I have very little bad things to say about this film. I mean, what isn’t there to love? It’s got comedy, hopefulness, Sam Rockwell, cute lil gays... this movie was very well done and exTREMELY relevant. Just watch it, you’ll see what I mean. Taika knew what he was doing.

Also, take note of the score. My boy Michael outdid himself, and for what? A BAFTA nod? Nothing more? Shame.

Marriage Story

Directed by Noah Baumbach

8 out of 10.

This was a nice, quiet film. Its score was top-notch, which is always good. The acting was great, particularly, I think, Adam Driver’s. This is the kind of movie you should watch, ya know, when there’s nothing else on your mind. There’s no loss, no particular gain.

But I’m A Cheerleader!

Directed by Jamie Babbit

7 out of 10.

It is better than people give it credit for! It was very funny, the plot was easy to follow and made sense for the most part. This movie was way ahead of its time in terms of the queer genre. It had a hopeful ending, which is RARE. It had a very impressive cast, starring Natasha Lyonne, RuPaul, and Michelle Williams. Honestly, this movie is super wholesome and there is absolutely no reason why you should not watch it (if you’re gay, which I’m assuming you are).

[bones-of-a-rabbit]

the babbit masterpost

HELLO welcome to the Babbit's Blog masterpost!!! On this post you'll find some fun facts about yours allegedly (me <33), some ref's for my different 'sona's, and a couple links to my fics and whatnot! Are you ready? No?? Excellent neither am i let's do this

Meet the Babbits!: the self-inserts/personas

the first ref is for my general/most commonly used persona, Babbit! They aren't really an anthro/furry as much as they are a humanoid with the head of a rabbit. I like to think of this one as the 'me' that's in my head- the purest form of my thoughts and feelings, but not the solid real-life me. The second ref is my self-insert persona, Rabbit, the one i picture using most often when i'm reading a fic or imagining a self-insert scenario lol. This one is like the me that people see and meet and speak to in real actual life, if that makes sense. It's the way I come across to people and all of the things I wish I could iron out of my crumpled up real-self <3 The third is a much more specific 'sona, Hazel, who started off as a FNaF:SB animatronic self-insert. She does have a backstory and lore now, which i think makes her more of an OC than a self-insert, but a lot of her is still me and a lot of what she experiences in her backstory is from my life/instills the same feelings that were taken away from things that happened to me, so I think she kinda counts enough to put a ref for her here sdkjfsdhfj (Why the different names?: makes things a little easier, and they hold meaning to me symbolically, I guess!)

Content!: Here's a short list of my various fics that will get updated as I create more! (it was, in reality, not fine.): FNaF Sun/Moon x Reader fanfic, gender neutral, for general audiences, fluff-fest, idiots to lovers "You're the new tech/repairman at the Fazbear Mega Pizzaplex, unfortunately. Your first task? To make the Daycare Attendant into two separate animatronics. It's an amazing opportunity, really, and there is nothing you love more than getting a chance to really work with such tech! The only bad part is that you don't know how to tell anyone that you just might be in over your head. (You are extremely in over your head.)" After Everything Was Fixed (but you were still broken): AU FNaF Sun/Moon x (Animatronic) Reader, gender neutral, read with caution, angst, harm to sentient robots, traumatized main character, hurt/comfort slow burn, romance slow burn "The virus was gone. Everyone was fixed. You had been put back together. It's a time for a new beginning, to do things right this time, to wash away the past and paint a better future. Their memories of the infection had- mercifully- been taken away from them. Yours had not. He doesn't understand why you try to avoid him. Even if you could tell him, you're not sure you would. You want to be his friend, but it's difficult; every time you see him, you remember the hundreds of times he killed you." A fic where you are a repairman-themed STAFFbot, taking place post-virus. In the past, Moon, infected by the virus, took delight in attacking and dismantling the reader during the night. Now, in the present, you find yourself burdened by the memories of the past while everyone around you has no recollection of the events. It gets more complicated as Sun and Moon, both now cleared of the virus, grow curious of you. This fic will follow a series of arcs, presently on arc one. For anyone curious, feel free to send an ask about the arcs in 'After Everything Was Fixed'! The Sun, the Moon, and the Blazing Comet (title subject to change): AU FNaF Sun/Moon/Eclipse x Reader, gender neutral, teen and up audiences, travel/journey, betrayal, hurt/comfort slowburn, reconciling, themes of breaking the mold, found family (TBA) Hold My Broken Hands (title subject to change): AU FNaF Sun/Moon x Reader, gender neutral, mature audiences, dark romance, dark comedy, severe bodily harm, mutilation, murder, obsessive behavior, possessive behavior, lovesick (TBA)

My AU's!: i'm going to make a Babbit-AUs-Masterpost and then put the link here i swear, i just have so many im sorry jdfhsjdfhs (like more than twenty)

Fandoms!: I enjoy, have been in, made or make content for: Pokemon Undertale FNaF Creepypasta (YEAH I KNOW LET ME LIVE OKAY) My Little Pony (I KNOW OKAY LEAVE ME ALONE) Steven Universe Star Trek Warrior Cats i'm sure theres more but i just forgot everything i have ever liked wheeeeeze

Whomst the hell?: HI I'm Rabbit! Or Bones! Or Babbit! Or Avarice/Ava, if you want to go for a more legitimate-sounding name. I'm 24 years old, prefer to use they/them pronouns, and so, so incredibly ace. I've been drawing as long as I've had the ability to hold a pen, writing since I was in grade school, and being a plague to the ones around me since the beginning of time! If you've seen my art, its probably from the absolute mountain of fluffy-wuffy love-dovey (y/n) x Sundrop/Moondrop/Eclipse doodles I've been sharing for several years now sdfjhsdj. If you've heard of my fics, it was probably the one I made just for fun that's now turned into an actual fanfiction that I enjoy writing, the silly-lovey-fluff incarnate (it was, in reality, not fine.) !

Likes n Dislikes!: I'm a sucker for sap, fluff, and lots and lots of love-dovey bullshit! I also like stories about finding oneself and monsters being befriended or loved. I like space, aliens, robots, the odd and strange, injecting humanity into things not human, monsters, creatures, animals, the fae, concepts of spirits and karma and the afterlife, and more! I dislike 'fanservice', most anime tbh LOL it's not personal I just don't enjoy it im srry, FLY BABIES i know they have an actual name but i hate that word too pls just dont i will scream, sexually aggressive/forceful content/characters, being made to feel small, dumb, or trapped,

Other!: I have a pretty high gross-out tolerance! I also have a pretty high 'wow that's messed up huh' tolerance, in that sometimes I will just say stuff that's super grim or dark or messed up and not realize it lmao. I am full of random facts and anecdotes, especially weird or gross ones! sometimes i get on tangents that can go for actual hours so pls forgive that lol

WARNINGS: THIS BLOG MAY FEATURE CONTENT BASED ON/RELATED TO THEMES OF GUILT, CHILDHOOD LOSS, GRIEF, SELF HATRED, DISCONNECTION FROM REALITY/SELF, TRAUMA, AND SEVERE DEPRESSION/ANXIETY. YES I AM GETTING HELP. YES I AM OKAY. THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATIENCE AND UNDERSTANDING.

bonus persona: crybaby

[collapsingintojupiter]

How about 54 and 59? Like cue r/entitledparents who think they can assault parent and kid, take their stuff, threaten them, tell them how to raise their kid, etc. Perhaps salty Analogical parents with toddler Pat/ Pat playing with a doll or toy associated w/ girls and EP's kid wants it? Idk something fun like that maybe? 💙💙 support your work it's so amazing

“They’re not your kids, back the f*ck off.”

“I could punch you right now.”

***

More Analogical and baby Pat, this makes me so happy eeeee.

Characters: Virgil, Logan, Baby Patton.

Pairings: Analogical

Warnings: Some homophobia and cursing.

***

"I think he wants that one, Virgil."

"Yeah, he does seem to like it." Virgil knelt down so that they were closer to the toy Patton was reaching for with his little arms, letting him grab it off the shelf. It was a little pink bunny with blue button eyes and a little smile stitched onto its mouth in red. "You like this one, Sunshine?" He asked. Patton laughed and shook it in his hands. 

"Babbit!" He squealed, the box with the doll shaka-shaka-shakaing in his hands as he swung it excitedly around.

"I think that's a yes," Logan stated, a small smile creeping onto his face as he watched his son. Patton was positively elated when his dads let him carry the box with the bunny to the checkout counter all by himself, where Logan paid for it before leading his husband back outside. He had a bag of groceries gripped in each hand and Patton toddled along behind him, holding Virgil's hand in one tiny fist while the other clutched the bag with his bunny in it. Once they got into the car Patton quickly yanked the bag off and hugged the box to his chest, refusing to let go of it when Virgil tried to take it.

"Patton, you have to let me see the box if I'm going to get the bunny out for you." Virgil tried and failed to coax Patton to put his new toy down for even a second, only succeeding in getting the little boy to wrap his arms even more protectively around it. Eventually he gave up and leaned back in his seat with a sigh, contenting himself to just hold the child in his arms. Logan looked between the two, brows furrowed like he was thinking.

"Here wait, let me try something," he said suddenly, reaching into his pocket with one hand. He pulled out the car keys, letting them jangle and shake enticingly within Patton's reach. The child looked up and his eyes widened, before he dropped the box and reached for them. 

"Virgil, quick!"

His husband didn't need to be told twice. Virgil quickly flicked out his pocket knife and expertly opened the box with it, pulling the bunny out and putting the pocket knife back in record time. He nudged the box onto the car floor, then carefully set the doll on Patton's lap. The little boy giggled and dropped the keys, grabbing the bunny and hugging it to his chest. Logan snatched the keys back, hiding a smile as he slid them into the ignition.

"Nice job there," Virgil commented. Logan nodded, looking between Patton and the parking lot as he started the car.

"It's a nice day outside, we should go to the park. You need sun, Virgil. And exercise. Spending too much time inside isn't healthy for you at all, in fact--"

"I get it, Logan. Let's go to the park." Virgil shook his head; he loved Logan to death but his lectures were unbearable, especially when the lecture happened to be about Virgil's questionable habits in regards to his health. As far as he was concerned he was doing just fine, thank you. Screw science.

Logan huffed but he didn't continue--thank God, Virgil thought--pulling out of the parking lot and starting down the road towards the park. He had been right about one thing--it was a beautiful day outside, and the blazing sun reminded him again of Patton's nickname. Sunshine. A perfectly fitting name for such a sweet and happy child.

They arrived at the park a few minutes later. Logan climbed out of the car first, slinging a small bag over his shoulder and coming over to Virgil's side, where he opened the door and gathered Patton into his arms so that his husband could get out. Virgil didn't seem to know what to do with his hands now that he wasn't holding Patton, awkwardly stuffing them into his pockets and following Logan towards a nice patch of grass near the shade of a large tree. Logan gently set Patton down and the little boy laughed delightedly, playing with his little pink bunny while Virgil sat down cross-legged across from him and next to Logan. The blue-tied one glanced at him and reached into the bag he'd brought, pulling out a small container of sunscreen. 

"Too much exposure to the sun can cause skin cancer," he explained. "We need to be careful about Patton getting too much of it."

"First you're telling me I need to be in the sun more, and now you're telling me it'll give me cancer?" Virgil threw his hands up. "There is no winning here!"

"It's all about balance, Virgil," Logan answered calmly in his teacher voice, reaching for Patton. "Help me get some sunscreen on his face, please."

Virgil huffed and reached begrudgingly for the blue bottle, carefully squirting a little sunscreen into his palm and trying to keep it out of the eternally-squirming Patton's eyes as he rubbed it all over the boy's face. 

"This should be an Olympic sport," he muttered. Logan actually laughed at that one, and before he knew it Virgil was grinning too. 

"There. No cancer for you," he said a few minutes later, setting the sunscreen aside and watching as Logan released Patton once more to play with his bunny in the grass.

"Virgil, we must talk about your bedside manner sometime."

"Sure thing, teach." Logan sighed, leaning back and watching Virgil play with their son. They were so cute together, and when he was sure that Virgil wasn't paying attention Logan pulled his phone out and snapped a few pictures for later. His husband hated to get his picture taken but...oh well. That moment was too sweet to let go.

"Wow, are you two like, trying to make your kid gay or something? Get him a proper toy you freak, he's not a girl!"

Oh no.

Virgil stood up instantly, placing himself between his son and the cocky blonde woman who was looking at him over the rim of her sunglasses like you might a primate at the zoo. 

"Do you have a problem?" He hissed at her through gritted teeth. Logan quickly leaned forward and picked Patton up before he could go over to Virgil, standing up so that he was behind his husband but still there if needed. 

"Whoah, defensive much? You need to chill out, dude. I'm just saying, this world has too many of you queers in it as it is." The woman's voice was flippant, arrogant, infuriating. Virgil's hands slowly curled into fists, and his shoulders shook.

"He's not your kid, how about you back the fuck off," he snarled at her. The blonde woman looked offended.

"Get a life, you gay loser!" She snapped, the ice in her coffee clinking as she angrily shook it.

"You know I could punch you right now. You fucking--" 

"Virgil, that's enough." Logan's voice was low and warning. "After all, it is pointless to make arguments with such useless contributions to society. Most of this breed isn't smart enough to tell their head from their ass, as you can see for yourself right here. You're better than that."

"Why you--you--!" The woman fumed at him, unable to even finish her sentence before spinning around and marching back the way she'd come. Virgil watched her go with fiercely narrowed eyes, his entire body tensed like a cat about to pounce. Logan knew that look; remembered it from many years ago when the two had only just met, and it worried him more than the woman ever had. Virgil needed to calm down before he made things worse for himself.

"Virgil." Logan called his husband again, his voice softer than before. Virgil slowly and deliberately unclenched his fists, then turned around.

"What?" His voice was hard and angry; he looked about as upset as Logan felt internally about the whole exchange. He couldn't show that and upset Patton, though.

"Ignore her stupidity," he told Virgil instead. "Sunshine is okay. He's here with us, he's happy, and that's all that matters."

Virgil blinked when Logan used their son's nickname and his gaze slowly shifted down to Patton, who was holding his bunny in one hand and reaching out towards him. 

"Papa!" He cried, wiggling his fingers and struggling to get out of Logan's arms. He looked like he was about to cry.

That did it. Virgil melted, his expression immediately softening into one of gentle concern. He came closer and Logan allowed him to take Patton into his arms, where he gently rocked the little boy back and forth.

"Hey, it's alright, Sunshine." He whispered. "The bad lady went away, it's okay..." Patton gradually settled into Virgil's arms as he talked to him, hugging his bunny to his chest. "That's it, that's better." Virgil smiled at his son. "Don't worry Sunshine, I'll protect you. I won't let them hurt you."

Logan looked at him proudly. Well done, Virgil. Well done.

***

If you want me to write something, feel free to send me prompts! My inbox is always open and the chances are I'll be happy to write whatever it is for you. Most of the prompts I've received so far are from this challenge right here, feel free to send me these or use your own!

Also! I'm going to start a taglist for anybody who'd like to see my future fics. Please send me a message if you'd like to be put on it. :)

[unfortunate-stranger-losers]

Six Baudelaires AU, Part Three {AO3} {Masterlist} {Part One} {Part Two}

Chapter Thirty-Five → in which the Baudelaires plan a mutiny

Friday cried a little, though she tried to make sure the Baudelaires did not notice. They let her sit against the book cube with them, and Klaus managed to get one loose from the top. She sat on Violet’s lap, head against her shoulder, while Klaus flipped it open. 

“You might like this one, Fri.” he said softly. “Fairytales.” 

“Fairytales?” Friday asked in a quiet voice. 

Klaus nodded. “Cinderella. East of the Sun and West of the Moon. The Juniper Tree. Little Match Girl- might skip that one, actually. Do you want to try to read it?” 

Friday shut her eyes. “Maybe you could read it for a bit?” 

Klaus nodded and smiled, and he flipped it open and read aloud for a little while. Friday remained curled up against Violet, while Lilac kept pushing her hair back and investigating the raft of books, and Nick held Soli and Sunny in his lap and bounced them a little. Babbitt was hopping around with the Incredibly Deadly Viper, scurrying between the waves in some kind of game. After a bit, Solitude crawled off Nick’s lap to join them, while Friday just laid against Violet. 

After what seemed like hours, she fell asleep, but Klaus kept reading until the sky had grown too dark to continue. He shut the book, standing up to place it back on the raft. “I feel guilty.” he said. “She shouldn’t be alone.” 

“She also shouldn’t be with those people.” Nick said. 

“She’s not alone.” Lilac said, glancing down at the girl. “We’ll take care of her as long as we need to.” 

“Can we do that?” Klaus asked. 

“Well, we’ve taken care of each other.” Lilac sighed. “And we’re all still alive, aren’t we?” 

“I guess we are.” Violet said. Then, quietly, she said, “Do you think something’s wrong with Kit?” 

“I think she’s alright. Just tired.” Klaus said, peering up. “Except her ankle. That’s gotta hurt.” 

“She can’t have come far on a boat of paper. She must have crashed nearby” Nick said. “I hope she wakes up soon, and tells us what happened to her.” 

“We need to get her down here for a medical examination.” Lilac said. “Anyone think they can do that?” 

“Get her down or examine her? Cause we can’t do either of those.” Klaus said. 

“I have an idea.” they jumped as they heard Olaf, from his birdcage; he’d been sulking for a long time in silence. “Let me out and I’ll tell you what it is.” 

“Not happening, fuckface.” Violet said. 

“Suit yourself.” said Olaf. “But you know what? I bet those islanders won’t let you back onto Olaf-Land, now that you’ve recruited one of their own.” 

“We didn’t recruit her, shit-for-brains.” Nick spat. “And we can find a way off this shelf before it floods. Maybe somewhere to watch you drown.” 

“If it weren’t for you,” Klaus said. “We wouldn’t be on this fucking island in the first place.” 

“Don’t be so sure of that.” Count Olaf curled his mouth into a smile. “Everything eventually washes up on these shores. Do you think you’re the first Baudelaires to find yourselves here?” 

“What do you mean?” Sunny demanded. 

“Let me out and I’ll tell you.” 

“Don’t listen to him.” Lilac said to her siblings. “He’s trying to trick us.” 

“Of course I’m trying to trick you!” Olaf cried. “That’s the way of the world, Baudelaires! Everybody runs around with their secrets and their schemes, trying to outwit everyone else. Ishmael outwitted me, and put me in this cage. But I know how to outwit him and all his islander friends. If you let me out, I can be king of Olaf-Land, and you six can be my new henchfolk.” 

“No chance, dickfuck.” Nick said. 

“We don’t want to be your henchfolk,” hissed Solitude, “We want to be safe.” 

“Nowhere in the world is safe.” Olaf said. 

“Shut up.” Violet said, a bit too loudly; Friday started to stir on her lap. “Shh, Fri, it’s okay, you can go back to sleep.” 

“What…?” Friday blinked and rubbed her eyes. 

“No, no, it’s okay, we’re just telling bastard man to fuck off.” Nick said. 

“No, I can…” Friday sat up. “I shouldn’t be- we should find somewhere to go.” 

“Are you cold?” Lilac asked. “We can try to find you a dress. We said we would, but someone should say here with Kit…” 

“I’m okay.” Friday stood up, giving Violet a smile. She wandered over towards Olaf’s cage, looking at him curiously. “Are you comfortable?” 

“Not especially.” he said. 

“Hmm, alright.” Friday said. She glanced at the shelf beneath her. “You can see where the sheep were standing over here. I wonder if they knew what was going on.” 

“Animals can be smart.” Solitude said, leaning on the Incredibly Deadly Viper as Babbit jumped down. “Like Babbitt.” 

“Yes.” Friday giggled. “Babbitt’s very nice.” 

Babbitt hopped over to her, jumping on her shoe a moment, and then they leapt down and started sniffing around. 

“Oh!” Solitude jumped up. “They’re looking for something.” 

She ran towards Friday, grabbing her hand as they watched the frog hop around. They stopped above something dark in the sand, and Friday and Solitude moved that way, kneeling beside it. Soli pulled it out, and said, “It’s an apple core.” 

“We only have apples on the far side of the island.” Friday said confusedly. “Nobody would have an apple core that would end up here.” 

“Are you sure?” Olaf laughed, and Friday jumped. “Because that’s just a few feet from where Ishmael was sitting. The dumb bastard dropped it from his sleeve.” 

Friday shook her head. “No… Ishmael may be a jerk, but he- he can’t even get to the far side of the island, his feet don’t work.” 

“That’s what you think.” Olaf said. “Every day while you idiots do all the work for him, he sneaks off to the far side of the island and eats apples. His feet are perfectly fine, he’s just a lazy ass.” 

“No.” Friday shook her head. “No, he’s hurt, he-” she stared down at the apple, and slowly, Nick picked up Sunny, stood, and moved behind her to put a hand on her shoulder. 

Violet and Lilac shared a look, and then approached the birdcage. “What is your plan?” Violet asked. 

“Let me out of this cage and I’ll tell you.” Olaf said. 

“Tell us first and maybe we’ll let you out.” said Klaus. 

“Let me out first.” 

“Tell us first.” Solitude said, tossing the apple core to the ground. 

“I can argue with you all day.” Olaf said. “Let me out, or I’ll take my plan to my grave.” 

“We can think of a plan without you.” Lilac said. “We’ve managed to escape plenty of difficult situations.” 

“I have the only weapon that can threaten Ishmael and his supporters.” Olaf said. 

“Omeros took your harpoon gun away, asshole.” Nick said. 

“Not the harpoon gun, you dipshit.” Olaf said. “I’m talking about the Medusoid Mycelium.” 

Solitude let out a shocked screech, stumbling back. Nick grabbed her with his free arm, while Sunny let out a cry and Violet and Lilac stepped back. 

“The mushroom you said poisoned Soli?” Friday asked. “I thought you said that was lost in the storm.” 

“It was. It’s gone.” Klaus said. 

“I’m not really pregnant.” Olaf said with a caged grin. “The diving helmet containing the spores of the Medusoid Mycelium is hidden in this dress I’m wearing. If you let me out, I can threaten the entire colony with these deadly mushrooms. All those robed fools will be my slaves!” 

“They’ll never agree to that!” snapped Friday, turning on the villain with angry eyes. 

“Then I’ll smash the helmet open,” Olaf smirked, “And this whole island will be destroyed.” 

“And we’ll be destroyed, too, dickfuck.” Klaus said. 

“Yomhashoah,” Sunny said, putting a hand on Solitude’s shoulder, saying, “Never again.” 

“We’ll escape on the outrigger, fool.” Olaf said. 

“Don’t count on it.” Friday said. “We can use the boat to leave this island without threatening everyone. Anyone who wants to leave can.” 

Olaf smirked at her, and Lilac quickly stepped in front of the young girl. “You still believe Ishmael lets people do whatever they want? He sure argued with you quite a bit, and only relented because you’ll drown tomorrow. He’s always in control.” 

“How would you know?” Friday said. “You’ve only been here a few days!” 

“Just like us.” Violet nodded. 

“Just like you.” the villain repeated mockingly. “Do you think your pathetic history is the only story in the world? Do you think this island has just sat here in the sea, waiting for you to wash up on its shores? Do you think I just sat in my home in the city, waiting for you miserable orphans to stumble into my life?” 

“Boswell,” Sunny said, meaning, “Your life doesn’t interest me,” and the Incredibly Deadly Viper hissed in agreement. 

“I could tell you stories, Baudelaires.” Count Olaf said. “I could tell you secrets about people and places you’d never dream of.” He then turned, with a smirk, to Nick. “Isn’t that right? Or have you already told your dear siblings everything you’ve learned?” 

Nick shut his eyes, shaking slightly. “You’re a monster, and we’ll never let you out.” 

“Did you tell them the full story of the poison darts? Or-” 

“You can shut the fuck up, or we’ll shove something in your mouth to gag you.” Violet said, putting an arm around Nick as Soli and Sunny hissed. 

Olaf smirked. “Aw, do they know about your little Snicket-” 

“We know,” Lilac snapped, giving him a glare that could burn mountains, “Exactly what we need to know.” 

Olaf turned to look at her, and she met his gaze with a cold, hard look. And then she said, “Die out here. See if we care.” She turned to Friday, and said softly, “Do you want to try reading?” 

Friday glanced down at where the apple core landed and nervously nodded, and Lilac took her hand and led her to the cube. But as Friday looked at the spines, they heard a coughing. 

“Kit!” Lilac said. 

The Baudelaires ran to the edge of the crate, looking up. 

“Kit, you’re awake!” Violet called. 

Very faintly, they heard her say, “Baudelaires? It’s really you?” 

“It’s us!” Violet said. 

“We’re here!” Solitude cheered. 

“Where are we?” Kit asked. 

The Baudelaires glanced to each other. “The island!” Friday called. “Or, more specifically, a coastal shelf.” 

Kit sighed, apparently not noticing the new voice was unfamiliar to her. “Of course. I should have  known I’d be here. Eventually, everything washes up on these shores.” 

“Have you been here before?” Klaus asked. 

“No,” Kit said, “But I’ve heard about  it. My associates told me stories of its mechanical wonders, enormous library, and gourmet meals. Why, the day before I met you, Baudeaires, I shared Turkish coffee with an associate who was saying that he’d never had better Oysters Rockefeller than during his time on the island.” 

“What the fuck?” Nick said. 

The Baudelaires looked to each other, confused, as Friday said, “You must be on the wrong island. We don’t have anything here but our tents.” 

Kit sat up a little, looking down, just enough to see the shapes beneath her; the Baudelaires could barely see her blurry face. “I guess that’s true.” she sighed. “Thursday did say the colony had suffered a schism.” 

Friday was silent for a moment, shocked, and then she said, “Thursday?” 

“Yes, my associate. He had to leave because he didn’t agree with the new leadership, or something.” 

“Thursday’s my father’s name.” Friday said, gripping tight onto Lilac’s arm and paling. “He’s dead. Not from a manatee, but-” 

Kit shook her head. “No, I just had coffee with him. I told you-” 

“He left the island?” Friday gasped. 

Kit narrowed her eyes. “Baudelaires, who is that?” 

“Her name is Friday.” Nick said. “How did you get here? Did you find the Quagmires?” 

Kit hesitated. “Yes. We saw your smoke signal and knew the hotel wasn’t safe. I knew you wouldn’t fail me.” 

Nick looked very, very angry. “We set. A hotel. On fire.” he said. 

Kit bit her lip. “Well-” 

“You sent us in there with no knowledge of the area, no idea what to do, and expected us to set shit on fire if it didn’t work out.” Nick said. 

“Nick.” Lilac whispered. “Nick, she’s-” 

“And now we’re stuck here with Count Olaf in a birdcage!” Nick said. 

“And the Incredibly Deadly Viper.” Solitude pointed out. 

Kit, who had been watching Nick with sad eyes, said, “I’m glad Ink is safe. Let me just come down-” 

She gasped with pain, and Violet quickly said, “Don’t move! Your ankle is injured!” 

“Both my feet have been injured.” Kti corrected ruefully, lying back down. “The telegram device fell on my legs when the submarine was attacked. I need your help, Baudelaires. I need to be someplace safe.” 

“We’ll do everything we can.” Klaus said. 

“Maybe we can move this raft to the island.” Violet said. “Sneak past the colonists- or Lilac and I could build a stretcher.” 

Friday turned around, and then said quietly, “Or we could ask them.” 

The Baudelaires followed her gaze, and saw flashlights on the horizon. As they watched, figures ran closer, and they saw the young face of Finn, and the older face of Erewhon, who was holding a basket. 

“Finn!” Friday waved, and the young girl ran forwards and hugged her. 

“Friday! Are you alright?” Finn asked. 

“I’m fine. The Baudelaires are giving me books!” Friday cheered. 

“We brought you some supper.” Erewhon said, holding out the basket. “We were concerned you might be hungry out here.” 

“Is there enough for our friend?” Klaus asked. “She’s regained consciousness.” 

“There’s enough for everyone.” Finn said. “So long as you keep it a secret that we came here. Ishmael might not think it was proper.” 

“I’m surprised he didn’t forbid your flashlights.” Nick said coldly. 

“He doesn’t forbid anything,” Finn said. “But he did suggest I let the sheep take it to the arboretum. Instead, I slipped it into my robe, as a secret, and Madame Nordoff has been secretly supplying me with batteries in exchange for my secretly teaching her how to yodel, which Ishmael says might frighten the other islanders.” 

“And Miranda secretly slipped me this picnic basket,” Erewhon said, “In exchange for my secretly teaching her the backstroke, which Ishmael says is not the customary way to swim.” 

“Mother did that?” Friday looked very confused. “She… she doesn’t seem the type to disobey Ishmael.” 

“Well, all of us have secrets.” Finn said. 

“Speaking of,” Erewhon said, “Turn the flashlight off. We don’t want to be seen from the island. We have one more secret to discuss.” 

Finn flickered off the light, shadowing them in darkness, and Lilac said, “What’s going on?” 

“Do you know the meaning of the word ‘mutiny’?” Finn asked. 

“Yes.” Violet nodded nervously. 

“I don’t.” Friday said. 

“It’s when a group of people take action against a leader.” Klaus explained. 

“A mutiny is going to take place at breakfast, instead of the Decision Day feast.” Erewhon said. “More and more colonists are getting sick and tired of the way things are going on the island, and Ishmael is the root of the trouble. When Decision Day arrives, we will force him aboard the outrigger after breakfast and push him out to sea as the coastal shelf floods.” 

Friday gasped. “And you didn’t tell me?” 

“We weren’t sure you could keep a secret.” Finn admitted. “But you seem to have been able to visit the Baudelaires secretly.” 

Friday bit her lip. “But it’ll be unlikely Ishmael will survive, won’t it? He’ll be alone.” 

“He won’t be.” Finn said. “If necessary, we’ll force his supporters out with him.” 

“At breakfast,” Erewhon said, “We’ll find out who supports him and who doesn’t.” 

“We’ll fight all day and night if we have to.” Finn said. “Everyone will choose sides.” 

The children heard an enormous, sad sigh from the top of the raft of books. “A schism,” Kit said quietly. 

“That’s why we’ve come to you, Baudelaires.” Erewhon said. “We need all the help we can get.” 

The Baudelaires glanced at each other, and then Nick said, “What would we have to do?” 

“We need you to break into the arboretum.” Finn said. “On the dangerous side of the island. All the forbidden items we’ve scavenged over the years should come very handy.” 

“We hope to peacefully force Ishmael away,” Erewhon said, “But we’ll need weapons, just in case. Find or build us some weapons tonight, and bring them here before breakfast.” 

“Weapons seems drastic.” Solitude said quietly. 

Violet bit her lip. “Soli’s right. Ishmael may be a dick, but he hasn’t hurt anyone intentionally, like Count Assface over there.” 

“He’s a cult leader, Violet.” Nick said. 

“Nick-” 

To their surprise, Friday said, “We’ll help.” 

Lilac jumped. “Friday-” 

“Ishmael can walk.” Friday spat. “He’s been sneaking off to the arboretum for the apples. He’s a liar, just like everyone else.” 

Finn gasped, while Erewhon said, “Thank you, Friday. That will be useful for the mutiny.” 

“Baudelaires!” Kit called, leaning over the top of the raft. “Don’t give these people weapons! I won’t hear of you putting your talents to such nefarious use. I’m sure the island can solve its difficulties without resorting to violence.” 

“Did you solve your difficulties without resorting to violence?” Erewhon asked sharply. “Is that how you ended up shipwrecked on a raft of books?” 

“My history is not important!” Kit said. “I’m worried about the Baudelaires.” 

“And we’re worried about you.” Lilac said. “Finn, Erewhon, will you help get her to shore when we bring you your weapons?” 

“Yes.” Finn nodded. 

“And we’re not just worried about you, Kitkat.” Nick said. “We’re a bit worried that Ishmael’s started a brand new cult over here, because we keep running into that shit.” 

“We’re sick of it.” Klaus said. “So we’ll help.” 

“We’ll get your weapons,” Violet said, “And meet you here in the morning.” 

“Baudelaires-” Kit began. 

“We’ll be back soon, Kit.” Lilac said, looking sadly up at the raft. 

Kit paused a moment, as if considering what to say. “I wish things were different.” 

“So do we.” Sunny said. 

Nick took Soli’s hand, and Klaus took Sunny’s, and Violet and Lilac took Friday’s, and the Incredibly Deadly Viper and Babbitt followed them off the beach.

[fisherfurbearer]

minor optimism even though things are sad and 🅱️ ad

on a mildly optimistic note here's a little ramble about what i was planning on doing in this pivot point year of 2020 :

- overhaul our Many Garden areas with native wildflowers and grasses we have a BIG front garden but it's all ferns and some sort of evergreen groundcover...would be so cool to replant it and get some native inverts thriving in there too

- fix my two raised garden beds for vegetables and plant stuff on time - get into 🅱️ eekeeping and join the county 🅱️ eekeeper's society its the most logical next step into my Plans. low maintenance, very rewarding, new bug friends, and theres even a fan club for it

- take an online grafting master class with the incredibly cool lady who runs my favorite Apple blog and hopefully get my first fruit trees?? whatever i graft in the class and probably some hardy figs and maybe mulberry got big plans for raising Babbits and Ducks/Quail on mulberry and forages and i just love figs so much man im so thankful for the wasps that sacrifice their lives to become Fig and theyre just really tasty and its cool how hardy they are

- get into Fishing...visit Jessie's opa and go fishing together

gain some experience and have a nice time. plan on learning how to fish and process (humanely!!) for consumption...would be a great first step into that side of things and id feel a lot better eating what i catch myself

and if we get to it, id love to plan out making some fenced areas in the backyard (we have a .47 acre plot with a tiny house. its surprisingly nice and has a couple really big trees in the back and a little brush/wooded strip seperating us from the highschool) for my Berry Patches. if not next year, then the following year is a good goal. i want to start with strawberries, then work my way into 🅱️ luebs and 🅱️ rambles. i got BIG PLANS ABOUT THIS guys you have no idea. i also want to raise Babbits and Coturnix Quail and Ducks but im not sure what the order for that would be.

anyway i Had really big great wonderful plans. end goal since it looks like we might be here for the next 4-6 years was to do a simplified version of my Future Big Plans...have a little table at a local market, sell mostly fiber art and preserves.

i wanted to call it The Sterling Sheep -- Sustainable Fruits and Fibers !

i thought it was cute...been in my head for a year now and it still sticks.

i wanted to do...

FIBER ART* [3D needle felting, 2D felting, handspun yarn, crochet**] SOAPMAKING [felted soap, handmade soap ... mostly beeswax and lanolin based, which comes from washing wool anyway. why waste it, you know? and it fits perfectly with beekeeping] BEE PRODUCTS [honey, honeycomb, beeswax] FRUIT PRESERVES [mostly berry-based, focus on native berries***] PICKLED PRESERVES [mostly cucumber based, but also onions and other such pickleables] FRESH/DRIED MUSHROOMS, MAYBE HERBS [i really enjoy mushrooms, and theyd fit well into the theme of preserves and culinary enhancements]

*would probably also sell ink drawing originals in person as well. **still need to learn this! wouldnt be as big of a focus but itd be fun to branch into other fiber arts for sure. oh and even before i get my own sheep, id want to source all of my fiber from local small businesses or farms raising sustainable heritage sheep. i want to join the livestock conservancy and participate in the shave em to save em program to get started on that and hopefully build good relations with folks. ***i want to focus on locally adapted heirlooms and natives in the future, mostly perennial fruit trees, but what better place to start with 🅱️ erries? i want to grow mullberry, blackberry, boysenberry, raspberry (red/gold), chokeberry, honeyberry, blueberry (blue/pink), gooseberry (red/green), elderberry, wild grape (v. labrusca/v. vulpina/v. riparia), and strawberry (standard/wild)

anyway thats the dream. and if i could at least make the same amount i make at walmart currently, or a little less, id consider it pretty dang successful. i have really good feelings about it. had really Great feelings about it until tonight happened, but i dunno man. i dunno.

not much else left to say. but this is whats been on my mind is all. feels good to talk about it. i dont want to think about manager Y anymore, its just not worth it. 🅱️ ees? 🅱️ erries? 🅱️ ushrooms? theyre worth it.

[stainedglassgardens]

Favourite woman-directed films I saw in 2018

It’s funny because when the year started I thought I could never watch 52 films by women, considering that I usually barely watch fifty films a year, total. Then I watched 306 new-to-me films, out of which 105 were directed by women.

I saw so many good woman-directed films that I thought it would be hard to choose ten to make this list, but then I realised that I only had to include those films that absolutely blew my mind, and bam! Ten already.

Winter’s Bone (Debra Granik, 2010)

On Body and Soul (Testről és lélekről, Ildikó Enyedi, 2017)

We Need to Talk About Kevin (Lynne Ramsay, 2011)

River of Grass (Kelly Reichardt, 1994)

The Midnight Swim (Sarah Adina Smith, 2014)

Raw (Grave, Julia Ducournau, 2016)

M.F.A. (Natalia Leite, 2017)

Daisies (Sedmikrásky, Věra Chytilová, 1966)

Always Shine (Sophia Takal, 2016)

Revenge (Coralie Fargeat, 2017)

Very broadly speaking, these ten can be divided into three categories. There’s gorey, imaginative, feminist genre -- Revenge, M.F.A., Raw; there’s visually and/or narratively boundary-expanding cinema -- Daisies, Always Shine, The Midnight Swim, We Need to Talk About Kevin, On Body and Soul; and then there are the indie stories about marginalised people, which might be my favourites of all -- here, River of Grass and Winter’s Bone.

When 2018 started I had only seen one film by Kelly Reichardt, and none by Debra Granik. Now they’re both among my favourite filmmakers. When I saw my first Kelly Reichardt film, years ago, I thought Wow, some people do make films about actual people. I’ve seen all of them now, and I liked all of them, but it wasn’t that hard picking River of Grass for this list -- there’s something so Carson McCullers, so Flannery O’Connor about the story, and visually it is so dreamlike.

I put Debra Granik together with Kelly Reichardt because their stories feel similar in many ways (and both feel similar to Agnès Varda’s), and seeing Winter’s Bone I was just completely blown away. It’s one of those films I would unreservedly call a masterpiece, and recommend to absolutely everyone. What places it above Leave No Trace (which I put as my number one new release of 2018) is the plot, and the ending especially, both completely surreal and mundane, like a cherry on top of spectacular acting and visuals worthy of Dorothea Lange .

Another slap in the face was We Need to Talk About Kevin. Together with a few other films in this list, it made me ponder what film can really do in terms of creating intricate, media-specific experiences that ultimately serve to provide a more rounded understanding of reality and what it means to be a person. We Need to Talk About Kevin was the first of these and probably had the biggest impact on me. Lynne Ramsay really is one of the few people with a completely unique vision.

I put Daisies, Always Shine, The Midnight Swim and On Body and Soul in the same category, although they don’t have a lot in common with each other, because they all have this aspect of visual and/or narrative boundary-pushing. It is so incredible that Daisies still feels like that to a first-time viewer today, even though it came out more than fifty years ago.

I saw Always Shine and The Midnight Swim around the same time and keep associating them in my mind for the nods to David Lynch, indie feel, and non-linear storytelling. Probably The Midnight Swim impressed me more, because it was the first time (and only, so far) that I saw a first-person narrative that looked quite like that.

On Body and Soul belongs in the same area of this mental map mainly because of the dream sequences. Before I saw it I probably would have found it impossible to talk about dreams in a way that didn’t feel recycled, but this managed just that. The juxtaposition of the wild forest animals at night with the cattle in the slaughterhouse during the day walks such a fine line between surrealism and social commentary, and the slaughterhouse sequences are all filmed with such incredible tact -- which only serves to make them more shocking.

Then there are the great genre films. Raw was fantastic, in part because it is so rare for a French person such as myself to find a French film to her liking, but also because everything about it felt so different -- it is firmly set in the horror genre, but it also draws from such a wide range of influences. M.F.A. and Revenge mirror each other in many ways, because they’re both rape-revenge films, a sub-genre I am incredibly glad and grateful that women are tackling in such interesting and challenging ways. I liked M.F.A. better, maybe, because it felt more real, and the ending better-thought-out, but if anything, I’d recommend a double-feature night to watch both.

Great films that didn’t quite make the cut, in no particular order:

Addicted to Fresno (Jamie Babbit, 2015): best sex comedy about actual grown-ups

I Think We’re Alone Now (Reed Morano, 2018): best post-apocalyptic “everyone is gone from the surface of the Earth but us” film

Ginger & Rosa (Sally Potter, 2012): best Cold-War England drama

Meek’s Cutoff (Kelly Reichardt, 2010) : best contemplative Western

Into the Forest (Patricia Rozema, 2015): best post-apocalyptic survivalist feminist film

Vagabond (Sans toit ni loi, Agnès Varda, 1984) : best film shot in my area of France

Khadak (Peter Brosens and Jessica Hope Woodworth, 2006): best science fiction film that takes place in Mongolia

Over time, I’m finding it easier and easier to watch more woman-directed films, both because I know where to look and because I’ll find it easier to relax and get into any genre at all when I know there’ll be infinitely less chance of rampant misogyny ruining an otherwise perfectly good film. It seems barely believable, now, to think that five years ago I didn’t know one single woman director, when clearly the quality and the variety are there, the work is there, and it stands so tall on its own.

Full 105-film list under the cut!

The Bad Batch (Ana Lily Amirpour, 2016)

Gas Food Lodging (Allison Anders, 1992)

Red Road (Andrea Arnold, 2006)

American Honey (Andrea Arnold, 2016)

A United Kingdom (Amma Asante, 2016)

Addicted to Fresno (Jamie Babbit, 2015)

The Selfish Giant (Clio Barnard, 2013)

Novitiate (Maggie Betts, 2017)

Bird Box (Susanne Bier, 2018)

Blue My Mind (Lisa Brühlmann, 2017)

Daisies (Sedmikrásky, Věra Chytilová, 1966)

The Kindergarten Teacher (Sara Colangelo, 2018)

Valley Girl (Martha Coolidge, 1983)

Palo Alto (Gia Coppola, 2013)

Lick the Star (Sofia Coppola, 1998)

The Beguiled (Sofia Coppola, 2017)

17 GIrls (17 Filles, Delphine Coulin and Muriel Coulin, 2011)

The Edge of Seventeen (Kelly Fremon Craig, 2016)

Bombshell: The Hedy Lamarr Story (Alexandra Dean, 2017)

Madeline’s Madeline (Josephine Decker, 2018)

Desert Hearts (Donna Deitch, 1985)

Raw (Grave, Julia Ducournau, 2016)

On Body and Soul (Testről és lélekről, Ildikó Enyedi, 2017)

Mustang (Deniz Gamze Ergüven, 2015)

Revenge (Coralie Fargeat, 2017)

The Spy Who Dumped Me (Susanna Fogel, 2018)

Deidra and Laney Rob a Train (Sydney Freeland, 2017)

Twinsters (Samantha Futerman and Ryan Miyamoto, 2015)

The Trader (Sovdagari, Tamta Gabrichidze, 2018)

The Lifeguard (Liz W. Garcia, 2013)

Lady Bird (Greta Gerwig, 2017)

They (Anahita Ghazvinizadeh, 2017)

Tig (Kristina Goolsby and Ashley York, 2015)

The Deuce of Spades (Faith Granger, 2011)

Winter’s Bone (Debra Granik, 2010)

Leave No Trace (Debra Granik, 2018)

Casting JonBenet (Kitty Green, 2017)

Fast Times at Ridgemont High (Amy Heckerling, 1982)

Axolotl Overkill (Helene Hegemann, 2017)

The Firefly (La Luciérnaga, Ana Maria Hermida, 2015)

Beach Rats (Eliza Hittman, 2017)

The Fits (Anna Rose Holmer, 2015)

The Land of Steady Habits (Nicole Holofcener, 2018)

Slums of Beverly Hills (Tamara Jenkins, 1998)

Private Life (Tamara Jenkins, 2018)

The Quiet Hour (Stéphanie Joalland, 2014)

Cameraperson (Kirsten Johnson, 2016)

By the Sea (Angelina Jolie, 2015)

Sweet Bean (あん, An, Naomi Kawase, 2015)

Lovesong (So Yong Kim, 2016)

I Feel Pretty (Abby Kohn, 2018)

Radius (Caroline Labrèche and Steeve Léonard, 2017)

Irreplaceable You (Stephanie Laing, 2018)

The Feels (Jenée LaMarque, 2017)

Breathe (Respire, Mélanie Laurent, 2014)

Galveston (Mélanie Laurent, 2018)

Octavio is Dead! (Sook-Yin Lee, 2018)

M.F.A. (Natalia Leite, 2017)

Aloft (Claudia Llosa, 2014)

The Loss of a Teardrop Diamond (Jodie Markell, 2008)

A New Leaf (Elaine May, 1971)

Dude (Olivia Milch, 2018)

The Dressmaker (Jocelyn Moorhouse, 2015)

I Think We’re Alone Now (Reed Morano, 2018)

Woodshock (Kate and Laura Mulleavy, 2017)

Girl Asleep (Rosemary Myers, 2015)

Tout ce qui brille (Géraldine Nakache and Hervé Mimran, 2010)

I Am Not a Witch (Rungano Nyoni, 2017)

Ginger & Rosa (Sally Potter, 2012)

Beneath the Harvest Sky (Aron Gaudet and Gita Pullapilly, 2013)

Angels Wear White (嘉年华, Vivian Qu, 2017)

Cargo (Ben Howling and Yolanda Ramke, 2017)

We Need to Talk About Kevin (Lynne Ramsay, 2011)

You Were Never Really Here (Lynne Ramsay, 2017)

River of Grass (Kelly Reichardt, 1994)

Old Joy (Kelly Reichardt, 2006)

Meek’s Cutoff (Kelly Reichardt, 2010)

Night Moves (Kelly Reichardt, 2013)

Certain Women (Kelly Reichardt, 2016)

Into the Forest (Patricia Rozema, 2015)

Before I Fall (Ry Russo-Young, 2017)

Seeking a Friend for the End of the World (Lorene Scafaria, 2012)

The Riot Club (Lone Scherfig, 2014)

Cracks (Jordan Scott, 2009)

Everything Beautiful is Far Away (Pete Ohs and Andrea Sisson, 2017)

Waitress (Adrienne Shelly, 2007)

Laggies (Lynn Shelton, 2014)

Outside In (Lynn Shelton, 2017)

Berlin Syndrome (Cate Shortland, 2017)

Lipstick Under My Burkha (Alankrita Shrivastava, 2016)

The Midnight Swim (Sarah Adina Smith, 2014)

Buster’s Mal Heart (Sarah Adina Smith, 2016)

The Lure (Córki dancingu, Agnieszka Smoczyńska, 2015)

Always Shine (Sophia Takal, 2016)

Shirkers (Sandi Tan, 2018)

Already Tomorrow in Hong Kong (Emily Ting, 2015)

Kedi (Ceyda Torun, 2016)

Cléo from 5 to 7 (Cléo de 5 à 7, Agnès Varda, 1962)

Vagabond (Sans toit ni loi, Agnès Varda, 1984)

Love, Cecil (Lisa Immordino Vreeland, 2018)

Jupiter Ascending (The Wachowskis, 2015)

Mr. Roosevelt (Noël Wells, 2017)

Woman Walks Ahead (Susanna White, 2017)

Khadak (Peter Brosens and Jessica Hope Woodworth, 2006)

Salesman (Albert Maysles, David Maysles and Charlotte Zwerin, 1969)

[scaryscarecrows]

Bad Influence

They share 1.5 brain cells between them. Jonathan has primary custody of the half brain cell-Kitty has it on weekends.

He borrows the lantern from the cellar. Can’t be too careful. Babbit bridge is not inhabited by potentially deadly locals, after all.

Kitty meets him in the road, flashlight in one hand.

“You came prepared.”

“I don’t want to get shot.”

“He’s probably sleeping. Besides, I’m staying in the road. If you want to go over there…”

“I’m not the one insisting on this fool’s errand.”

“That’s what you called the last one, and look what happened.”

Logic will get him nowhere, and he looks up at the sky with a silent plea for no questionable events. The last thing he needs is for her to decide that yes, actually, jumping the fence is called for.

The lantern and the flashlight cast weird shadows in the weeds and he hopes the dog is sleeping inside. Who knows what it might do now, at night.

The crickets are noisy as all hell and every so often a cloud of gnats will puff up from the grass. For a while the only other sound is their footsteps in the dust, punctuated by the occasional hoot of an owl.

It occurs to him that he hasn’t wondered if this is some sort of set-up, not once, and after mulling it over he deems it unlikely. It’s…nice, not having to worry about that. Soothing.

A sickly-sweet smell hits him and he stops. What is that? He takes a couple of hesitant steps forward and feels a squish under his shoes.

Wicker’s mailbox looms up like a warning finger and beneath it, he catches sight of the lump of dog. It looks…it doesn’t look right and he’s having flashbacks to the Smiths’ hound dog, the one that went rabid.

“Stay here.”

“Why?”

“Just do it.”

Either he sounds suitably unsettled or tonight’s his lucky night, because she actually does what he says. He looks down, trying to see what he stepped in, and sees…pink. Or red. He can’t really tell, the lantern light’s throwing the color off.

The dog doesn’t react when he inches closer and when he lifts the lantern up he sees why-half it’s head’s been blown off.

He's not going to be sick. He refuses. He is not going to be sick, he is going to turn right back around and drag Kitty home and take a very long shower.

“What’s wrong?”

“Stay there.” It hits him what the squish was and he is not going to be sick, he’s not going to be sick… “We have to go.”

"Jonathan?"

"Don't." Speaking raises the risk of puking and he swallows, closes his eyes and takes a step back. "Stay there."

It hits him what the squishy something is and he tries to scuff it off his shoe. All that does is make it brown.

He swallows down creeping bile and gives himself a mental shake. Time to go. It's time to go and try to forget all this-

"What's wrong-oh my god."

What's she doing up here?

"Kitty-"

"Oh my god." she whispers again, her hand balled up against her mouth. She takes a step forward, then another, until she's standing next to him and can see the whole mess. "Oh my god, what the fuck-"

He moves his arm, intending to turn her around and get moving, when she swings the flashlight across the field. Is she insane, they'll be seen!

"What are you doing?"

"What if he's dead?"

"What if he did this?" he counters. "The dog could've been sick. Or Wicker's a damn lunatic, or who knows! Leave it alone."

"The light’s on. Something's wrong."

"That's not my problem! Stay out of it before you get yourself killed or worse!" She's not listening. Fine. He'll call her bluff. "I'm not going with you."

“What if he’s dead?” she asks again. “Or really hurt?”

“Don’t care.” he says at once. “Better him than us, come on.”

“We have to tell someone.”

“No, we don’t, let’s go.”

“I’m gonna go see.”

“What?” he hisses. Is she insane? “No. No. He’s probably fine, the dog was prob’ly sick or something, leave it alone.”

“I’m just going to check. If he’s dead, someone needs to know, what if it’s murder?”

“Then they’ll have no problem shooting you for being nosey, now come on.”

“What if it attacked him and he needs help?”

“He should be friendlier, then.”

For a minute he thinks he’s gotten through to her, but then she clicks off the flashlight and shoves it into his hand.

“Keep a lookout. Flash twice if you see anyone, I’ll be right back.”

“Kitty, Kitty, wait-”

But she clambers over the rickety fence and disappears into the weedy field. Dammit! She’s going to get herself killed, he knows she is, and she’s little, there won’t be much left of her…that’s assuming she doesn’t get herself kidnapped, a child could pick her up and walk away, Jesus Christ…

“Kitty!” he hisses. “Get back here before you get yourself killed!”

She turns and makes a SHHHHH motion before continuing towards the house. Fine. Fine! She can get herself shot and he won’t miss her. He’ll skip her funeral, just to spite her.

She’s up to the house now. This is it, the door’s gonna fly open and she’ll either be yanked inside or blasted to little pieces and it’s not like anyone’ll believe him if he tells them what happened-

Why is she on the porch. She has no reason to be on that porch, he’ll bet his life it creaks! Or worse, it’ll splinter and drop her twenty feet to her death (and yes, that’s unrealistic, but still).

It’s not splintering and the door’s not opening. Okay. She’s made it this far, maybe she’ll be all right-no, no, don’t look in the damn window! The old bastard’s probably fine and if he’s not, well, Jonathan doesn’t care what happened to him. Serves him right.

If-when, he means when-she gets back here, he’s going to give her such an earful…

She’s off the porch now. Good. Good, now she can just come right back over here and maybe she’ll have learned somethin’ what’s she doing?

Don’t go around the back of the house, what the fuck are you doing?

His glasses have decided to fog up and he rubs at them with his sleeve. Now they’re streaky and pressed against his nose but too bad. They shouldn’t be so inconvenient, then.

Where is she?

He turns the lantern off and sets it down. No need to draw more attention than necessary.

Kitty?

The door flies open and before he can do anything, someone’s clattered out of the house and into the weeds. They stand still and Jonathan’s just got his thumb on the flashlight switch when they dash around the side of the house.

No no no no-

KER-ACK!

He drops the light and vaults over the fence, knowing full well she’s dead or going to be very soon, Jesus Christ why didn’t he stop her-

He nearly runs her over and it takes him a second to register that she’s not bleeding out or scattered on the ground.

“Kitty.” Deep breaths. Deep breaths. Her mother is not going to kill him and he did not learn a hard lesson about happiness today.

She’s okay.

Though she did about give him a heart attack.

“What are you doing?”

What. What is he doing? Did she not…

“Th-there was a gunshot.”

She points towards the woods.

“Over there.”

He’s very, very tempted to either hug her or pick her up and lug her back home. For her own safety, is all. And his own.

He keeps his hands at his sides and hopes he doesn’t sound as shaky as he thinks he does when he says, “Let’s just go.”

“There’s someone in the house.”

“I know, that’s who fired, now let’s go.”

Swish-crunch, swish-crunch, comes the sound of footsteps through leaves and sticks and if they’re seen they’re going to end up buried out here.

For the sole reason that she makes up for short legs with a long streak of stubbornness, he grabs her hand

Feels like a bird

and yanks her around the side of the house. They press up against the wood

Splinters and dust and that feels like spider legs oh boy

in silence. His hand’s still warm and it takes him a second to notice he hasn’t dropped hers.

“Jonathan-”

“Sh.” He lets go of her hand and inches towards the edge of the house. “Stay here.”

The heavy air seems to magnify his breathing and when he pokes his head around the corner, he expects a bullet between the eyes. It doesn’t come. Nothing comes, actually, not even a, ‘what you doin’ out here?’

There’s no one there. But he heard someone, he did. He knows that sound almost as well as his own breathing, because it’s the sound that means his release from that damn chapel.

Doesn’t matter what he heard, they’re gone now…

Creak-creak.

Faint, but undeniable footsteps reach his ears. Someone’s in the house. They need to get out of here, now.

He ducks back, finger to his lips, and motions for her to follow. They don’t say a word until they’re back on the road, and then his mouth decides to get a mind of its own.

“You scared the bajesus outta me! What are you tryin’ to do, gimme a heart attack?” He gestures between her and that damn house, semi-aware that his speech has decided to take a backslide into ‘Granny Would Not Approve’ territory. Too bad. “I told you once, I told you a hundred times, leave it alone! What’f that gun had been a misfire and you’d gotten hit anyway? Or someone caught you? Hm? Did’ya think’a that?”

Why is she looking at him at like that. He is annoyed-beyond annoyed, borderline prepared to wring her neck-and she’s looking at him like she’s about to laugh. Come on! Just for once, would she take him seriously-

“You thought I got shot?”

That’s what she takes from this?

He gesticulates, words happily leaving him to sputter and hiss like poor Louisa May.

“I…dammit…Kitty!”

“Shh.”

No! He will not be shh’d! She is going to get his point if it kills him!

“Tresspassin’ is a serious thing out here! Or, since you’re easy to pick up, you coulda been kidnapped, you think people would believe me if I said-”

“Jonathan.”

“Don’t ‘Jonathan’ me!”

“Then shut up.” she hisses. “Look.”

No! He does not want to look, he wants to lecture! The least she could do is pretend…to…

Someone’s standing on the porch. He can’t tell who it is at this distance, but it’s not Old Man Wicker-as they discover a minute later when they come sprinting for the road.

“Run!”

For once (for once), there’s no argument. They don’t stop running until they reach the main road.

[allow-me-to-speak]

Book Rec List

I’m bored, home alone, and packing all my books. So here, have a list of book recommendations from yours truly!

Fantasy

Tuck Everlasting by Natalie Babbit

A young girl meets a family that gained eternal life after drinking from an enchanted spring, and is left to wonder whether living forever is a blessing or a curse. It’s a fantastic book that hurts your heart in 139 pages.

Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo

Six morally horrible people plan an impossible heist for selfish motivations. But the romances between the morally horrible people are somehow still very pure and wonderful. The plot also keeps you on the edge of your seat because you never have all of the information until the last possible second. And if you love fantasy worlds that include POC main characters and LGBTQ representation, this is the duology for you!

The Last Dragonlord by Joanne Bertin

Human/dragon shapeshifter romance with political intrigue. And really fun worldbuilding, too.

Green Rider by Kristen Britain

One of my favorite series. The overarching plot is wonderful, you genuinely care about all the characters, and this is one of those stories where “strong female characters” means both “well-rounded, well-developed females with agency” AND “kicks some serious ass”.

Artemis Fowl by Eoin Colfer

The protagonist is the villain. I wrote that correctly. Artemis Fowl is the villain. The entire series is about his personal journey from villain to hero, with all the beautiful and human mistakes throughout.

Also, it’s got fairies. With guns.

Dragon’s Milk by Susan Fletcher

A super fun (and quick-read) series about people smuggling dragons to safety in a world that is determined to destroy them. Also, lots of baby dragons. And dragons being dragons, and neither morally good nor evil. It’s wonderful.

Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett

The funniest fucking book I’ve ever read. God’s starting the apocalypse, but they’ve somehow managed to misplace the AntiChrist. And it just gets more insane.

Seraphina by Rachel Hartman

One of my favorite books of all time. It has a fascinating new take on dragons, genuinely fun political intrigue, romances you root for but aren’t the focus of the plot, and a half-dragon heroine that you absolutely fall in love with. And, if you make it to the second book, Shadow Scales, there is massive LGBTQ representation. I’m talking gay and bi characters, I’m talking trans characters, I’m talking people asking “How may I pronoun you?” and strongly-implied polyamorous relationships. And dragons. And plot twists.

Castaways of the Flying Dutchman by Brian Jacques

When the Flying Dutchman was cursed to roam the sea forever, a boy and his dog who were on board are spared from the curse due to their pure hearts, are washed ashore and granted eternal life and youth. Now they roam the world helping people and getting into adventures. Don’t let the fun fool you, though, it’s fucking heartbreaking. They really don’t skimp on the “we’re immortal so everyone we love dies” angle, and the “wow, this kid looks like he’s seen some shit”. Also the first book feels much more YA than the other two.

The Phantom Tollbooth by Norton Juster

I know it’s pretty much only known as middle-school assigned reading, but this book is clever, insightful, and absolutely fantastic. I definitely stood in line to get this book autographed in high school. A boy with no imagination is sent to a crazy world of unique perspectives and interesting insights to rescue Rhyme and Reason.

A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L’Engle

That book they made us all read in 5th grade that is actually all it’s cracked up to be. It’s absolutely trippy fantasy with a sci-fi edge to it, and the characters are so utterly endearing. Personally, my favorite is A Wind in the Door, but that’s book 2.

The Onion Girl by Charles de Lint

Contemporary fantasy at its absolute best. It’s modern urban fantasy that puts the fantastic in our world in such a wonderful and beautiful way. The best part is it’s also a story about dealing with physical disabilities, trauma, past abuse, self-healing, the complexity of forging and rekindling relationships with others when one is hurting, etc. Honestly, it’s just fucking awesome.

Dreams Underfoot by Charles de Lint

A book of short stories (all contemporary urban fantasy), and the best way to be introduced to Charles de Lint’s writing. So, if you want to read The Onion Girl but aren’t sure you’re ready for it yet. This is the first book I ever took a highlighter to.

Bridge to Terabithia by Katherine Paterson

Do you want to crush your heart and destroy your soul and cry like a baby in 128 pages? You’ll be happy you did.

Elantris by Brandon Sanderson

This is a standalone novel, and the best way to be introduced to Sanderson’s work. This book has phenomenal and complex worldbuilding, three-dimensional characters with agency you will fall in love with, and a book-long mystery that just blows you away when you figure out the answer. If you enjoy this book, you have to read Mistborn next.

Mistborn by Brandon Sanderson

Elantris on steroids. This is, without a doubt, the most fascinating worldbuilding I have ever encountered in literature. It’s so complicated, but completely logical, and the plot is so bewitching. And Sanderson can leave you as many clues as he wants - he will still blow your fucking mind when all the pieces come together at the end. The book takes a while to pick up the pace, but I swear to you it’s worth it.

Dealing with Dragons by Patricia Wrede

A princess gets bored, and decides to volunteer to be a dragon’s captive. Then she gets into a ton of adventures and ends up discovering a plot to overthrow the dragon government. It’s a lighthearted, quick and fun read, and Cimorene is my fucking hero.

Classics

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen

Oh God, read Pride and Prejudice. It’s my absolute favorite book.

Les Miserables by Victor Hugo

If you can, read the abridged copy. It’s kind of hard to find, so look for the one that was translated by Charles Wilbour and abridged by Paul Bénichou. It’s all the meat of the story and barely a third of the size.

Phantom of the Opera by Gaston Leroux

I mostly like it because it’s written from the rather limiting perspective of Raoul, which means you’re in the dark about the goings-on of the book until someone bothers to tell Raoul what’s happening. It’s actually a lot of fun.

Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier

A grim mystery wrapped up like a romance, where the second Mrs. de Winter is trying to discover what truly happened to her husband’s first wife. It’s by the woman who wrote The Birds (which you may know as the famous Hitchcock movie), if that clues you in to the vibe of the book.

I don’t really have enough classics on this list

[ducktracy]

105. into your dance (1935)

release date: june 8th, 1935

series: merrie melodies

director: friz freleng

starring: joe dougherty (stuttering dog), tedd pierce (poet)

one of the very few times joe dougherty does a voice for someone that isn’t porky or his father—he’d voice a stuttering bird in i love to singa. also interesting to note that tedd pierce has a vocal credit, story writer for friz freleng, bob mckimson, and chuck jones (he was actually the source of inspiration for pepé le pew). he’d go on to do voices in a handful of shorts, including babbit (a parody of abbott from the comedy duo abbott and costello) in a tale of two kitties, tale of two mice, and the mouse-merized cat. a relatively plotless cartoon, a showboat is putting on a variety of vaudeville acts.

i love the reflection of the lights in the water! a showboat paddled it’s way through the moonlit waters, chuffing out steam in rhythm to the underscore. it passes through a waterfall, still chuffing to the music but sounding submerged and watery. the boat passes by a dock of cheering fans.

the song number “into your dance” is introduced by four blackface caricatures—what is it about steamboats and blackface?? first hittin’ the trail to hallelujah land, then buddy’s show boat, and now this. i know it was seen as a vaudeville norm back then (not that that excuses it) but still. anyway, they dance on a stage, a banner reading “CAPTAIN BENNY’S SHOW BOAT”. the synchronization between the music, animation, and sound effects is very well done. captain benny distributes tickets to those coming aboard.

footage recycled from shake your power puff (but now colorized) shows the crowd settling in for the show, the pit orchestra warming up. captain benny ambles out onto stage, introducing “folks! we have with us tonight the world’s most popular orchestra leader—take it away!”

a jolly pig caricature of paul whiteman leaps out onto the stage, clasping his hands together and shaking them for the glory. the audience is receptive, pummeling him with a shower of tomatoes and laughs. the animation is very well done of the pig dodging the tomatoes, twirling around and trying not to get blasted. tentatively he tiptoes back onto stage, greeted with more laughter and more tomatoes. the scene is great—the audience laughter is obnoxious yet adds so much to it. much more than a simple chorus of boos.

he enters a third time, this time adorning a disguise of tinted glasses and a long beard. he’s met then with applause as he sinks into the orchestra pit and prepares to direct. he launches into “light cavalry overture”, animation solid as he directs. a squeaky trombone loudly breaks up the flow of the song on each ending note, much to the conductor’s visible chagrin. eventually, he knocks the player on the head offscreen, and no more interruptions are to be heard. this certainly feels like a tex avery cartoon, a lot like hamateur night. good! it has the same sardonic yet light-hearted fun.

while the song continues its exposition, a conniving dog ties the pig’s tail to an electrical cord. he turns the knob that starts the flow of electricity, and the pig is instantly electrocuted. look at the accomplished glee on that dog’s face! the conductor instantly launches into a very fast, high pitched, frantic rendition of “william tell overture” (which would also be used in the same vein 16 years later in ballot box bunny, another friz cartoon). it’s a lovely scene. all the orchestra players frantically attempt to keep up. an overworked turtle hammers away at the xylophone, the conductor twirls and jerks around in pain, the strings sections saw away at the strings... the song ends when a dog and a goat smash the conductor over the head with a violin and a trumpet respectively. the audience applauds.

next order of business is “amateur night”, captain benny emulating ted lewis by announcing “it’s only the beginning, folks! only the beginning!” a cow comes out onto stage and sings “shadow song” extremely poorly, her shrill voice piercing through the crowd. captain benny hits the bell backstage to end the act, but his singer won’t be pacified. she only stops when she gets the cane treatment, yanked so forcefully that her clothes float in place on stage. they, too, are hauled off.

next is an effeminate poet, voiced by tedd pierce. yeah, there’s a lot of shitty gay stereotypes in looney tunes, and i should probably take more offense to them than i do (speaking as a lesbian), but i love the incongruity between this guy’s tough appearance and his stereotypically effeminate voice. the spirit of tex avery is strong in this scene. he recites a poem, which goes something like this:

“hark, hark! a little birdie has begun to sing.”

a duck quacks offscreen.

“the north wind has ceased, for now it is spring!”

a huge gust of wind and snow barrels towards the poet.

“oh, look! the little birdie has started to fly.”

the poet flaps his wings, accompanied by the sound of an airplane plummeting to the ground.

“oh dear, i’m so happy, i almost could cry.”

a bell rings, and the poet puts up his dukes and begins to shadowbox. a boxing glove attached to an extended arm hits the poet on the head (a horseshoe inside the glove), and he too gets the cane treatment. a great scene. it’s all about timing, and the timing is just right. snappy, quick, funny. pierce’s happy delivery makes it even better. definitely one of the funnier scenes we’ve seen thus far, and really holds true to that looney spirit.

captain benny is chuffing on a pipe backstage, clearly unenthused at how the show has been unraveling. he (no pun intended) barks “NEXT!”, and a dopey dog (who looks like a distant relative of goofy’s) smiles eagerly. he whispers something into benny’s ear, pointing at some sort of invisible nuisance. benny goes to investigate, and the dog takes the bell off its hinges and stuffing it in his pants, knowing his act won’t be well received. he may not be as stupid as he looks after all!

slowly the dog ambles out onto stage, carefully tipping his hat with both hands. archetypal and stereotypical as his design is, you gotta love it. skinny neck, big collar, dopey yet contented gaze, rubbery legs and big floppy shoes... the lovable idiot, a go to for comedy. though they grow rather trite, there’s still something very endearing about them all these years later—beaky buzzard is a good example.

the dog (vocals provided by joe dougherty) sings “go into your dance” poorly, stuttering but still happy. the audience boos and jeers at him, but he isn’t offended in the slightest. he glances offstage to see if captain benny is watching, continuing on with his song. benny rushes over to the wings to see the catastrophe for himself, clutching his ears and preparing to smack the bell... which is currently hidden in the dog’s pants. he continues to sing poorly, at one point laughing “huhuhuh, it’s got me.”

good setup of the captain pacing around in agony backstage. his peg leg gets caught in a hole and he does a whole circuitous pace missing his peg, not at all showing any signs of struggle, once again picking up the leg when he returns to the hole. again, i guess i’m so used to seeing all of the dougherty-era porkys that his stutter doesn’t really annoy me. i certainly feel bad for him, but i also think that the authenticity adds to scenes like these. also, the pitch of his voice sounds relatively similar to how his porky would sound when the voice was finalized, maybe a little deeper than his voice in porky’s romance (his final cartoon). the dog’s sly, goofy, gleeful expression is perfect. he knows very well what he’s doing, and knows there’s nothing anything or anyone can do to stop him. it’s a very good premise.

finally, the dog tips his hat, met with absolute silence. the stands are empty. a great surprise, especially when boos and jeers and laughter flooded the performance throughout. you had no way of knowing that the audience left, except when the clamor quieter down with the final verse of “go into your dance”. dumbfounded, he scratches his head.

captain benny takes note of the absence of volume, too. he snags a board with a nail driven into it, chasing the dog off the stage, off the dock, and into the hills, whacking him repeatedly on the butt. iris out.

this was a REALLY enjoyable cartoon. i think it’s one of the best ones we’ve seen so far. it’s fun, it’s light-hearted, it’s snappy. it feels a lot like a tex avery cartoon, same witty execution. the highlights are definitely the final two acts, the poet reciting his incongruous poem and the stuttering dog gleefully singing to his powerless crowd. the electrified performance of “william tell overture” is also a plus. dougherty’s stutter works out well for the dog’s scene, even though it’s the butt of the joke. ultimately, a very high-energy, fun, happy cartoon. definitely worth a watch, though view at your own discretion for the blackface singers at the beginning. it isn’t too long, but any inclusion of blackface is inherently long.

link!