#oh my goodness i didnt see how long this was
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genuinely wish i hadnt watched season 2, its changed how i see things. i miss season 1 so bad and those versions of the characters. i was not having a good time sidenote: (spoilers)
i really want to know what ekko said to jinx i mean she was so stuck on trying to kill herself that even ekko's presence didnt make her stop and we're supposed to just guess what he said to make her come back with her hair cut short ? this is what i mean when i say that they dropped the ball on character for the sake of plot. i want to know why characters are doing things, why they're working together besides "oh we were fighting but now theres ambessa and viktor to stop so we'll come back to our interpersonal conflicts" only to Never actually Do That. they kept setting up interesting conversations only to cut away from them.
i really resonated with jinx in season 1, and this season i was watching and waiting for something but she was just so subdued the whole time she felt like a different character to me. which is fine because i know grief can do that to a person. but my favorite moments of hers were her fights with vi and with isha. and they really killed isha and then never mentioned her again like ???? why do that
im very character > plot. it could be the most nonsensical thing but as long as the characters are good im having fun. and so much of the plot of this season was about the war and the anomaly that i did not give a single fuck about, i was waiting for character moments that would make me hurt inside and they didnt really happen. not in the soul crushing way season 1 did. i still sob over silco and jinx is season 1 act 3. and i wanted that kind of emotional devastation
for example i dont understand cait and vi at all. im trying so hard to see why theyd be into each other, break up like that and get back together and i genuinely Do Not understand. maybe its my aromanticism rearing its ugly head again but i have no idea what the fuck they were doing the Entire time.
if i dont understand the characters, it kills the whole thing for me. and i did not understand the character motivation in this season.
ekko mel and jayce hard carried this season for me im so proud of them. (especially jayce i love him)
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Fanfic writer interview
tysm for the tag eb! sorry i took so long getting to it. i swear it was screaming at me from the drafts the whole time
How many work do you have on AO3?
4! (but one of them doesn’t really count because it’s a test)
What's your total AO3 word count?
84,177
What are your top 5 stories by kudos/likes?
two ibuprofen - 92 notes
low tide - 44 notes
just us - 26 notes
ofcwbo - i’m not sure but she’s definitely at the bottom
Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?
yes i do! i love that people take the time and effort to do this and i want to show my gratitude always. they didnt have to comment but they did. fics are so personal as well imo, seeing what other people have to say about it is. i’m not sure how to describe it but it makes me want to yell into a pillow.
What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?
ofcwbo will have the edgiest ending, but since i haven’t actually finished any of my (posted) fics other than just us, it has to take the title by default. (it does have a very angsty ending though. and an angsty beginning and middle)
What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?
using the above logic, just us by default….? (it would be anything in the rose tinted hours collection (that being two ibu or low tide (for now (👁️)) because that’s my happiness and i shall keep angst away from it with a 10 km pole)
Do you write crossovers?
nope
Have you ever received hate on a fic?
nope! if that happens i’ll wither and die
Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
no
Have you ever had a fic stolen?
not that i know of!
Have you ever had a fic translated?
nope!
Have you ever co-written a fic before?
oh dear god. my origin story
back in my reddit phase (i was like 13? leave me alone) i made art for a fandom which mustn’t be named and met another person there. we became friends (stranger danger, i know, i’m smarter now) and somehow we started writing fic. it went pretty well, they would make most of the plot and the chapter outline and i would go in and edit it to make it make sense. we had a good run, all things considered. we then moved on to another fandom (read: they dragged me into another fandom) and we wrote for that one as well, except this time i got the opportunity to write my own chapters with my own ocs. that’s when i started realizing how nice and cool this was.
if youre seeing this, J, hi.
What's your all-time favorite ship?
jean and i. alternatively, me and jean (YEAH FOR SELFSHIP DELULU I LOVE BEING INSANE)
What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?
i don’t have such weaknesses. i WILL finish all my wips.
(ofcwbo. it’s going to drag on forever. deep inside a part of me wants to be realistic and say that it’s a little unrealistic for me to actually get down everything i wanted in a way that satisfies me. maybe i dont even WANT to finish it, because the fic has been such a comfort in the back of my mind for so long that the idea of it suddenly. terminating. is terrifying. maybe i’m overthinking it. i just dont want that world in my head to die, whether that be by fading away quietly or suddenly coming to an end.)
What are your writing strengths?
toughie. i think my descriptions are solid, as well as getting into the mc’s head (but that can just be attributed to the first person pov thing aha).
What are your writing weaknesses?
planning whatever i’m trying to write - i dont control it, it infects my brain and hands and forges its own way. i’m also not a huge fan of proofreading (this mostly applies to the earlier chapters of ofcwbo (i get embarrassed)). i also have a tendency to repeat a certain phrase or metaphor in a fic without realizing it. sequences of actions are hard to write too.
What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?
i try not to do it too much because it can be confusing and having to translate/provide a translation can break the flow. but i do like adding in little phrases sometimes based on my hcs for what languages the characters speak
What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?
i’m not sure i have one. i’m deep in the bowels of jean/reader purgatory and i don’t see a way out
What's your favorite fic you've written?
just us. <3
@firefly--bright no pressure (yes pressure)
Fanfic writer interview
Thank you @thelettersfromnoone for the tag!! 💖
How many work do u have on AO3?
3, not your local AO3 girlie lmao
What's your total AO3 word count?
8 534
Your top 5 stories by kudos/likes
I'll go with Tumblr ones, cause from my 3 AO3 works the biggest number I got is 31 lmao
Anyone but you (Legolas x f!reader)
Night watch (Legolas x Reader)
Well-deserved rest (Haldir x f!Reader)
One messy night (Boromir x f!Reader)
Transition (Haldir x f!Reader)
Honorable mention (since it's not fics but headcanons)
Green Council receiving a hot pic from you (HotD)
TLK men's reaction on being pet named
Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?
I always try to respond to comments! These little things are brightening up my day, so I wanna let the people know that they are my heroes hahaha
What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?
I really think it's Transition. All in all it's a pretty dark story, a bit depressing I think (I had these intentions while writing at least).
Otherwise, I don't think I have angsty endings fics?
What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?
New family members for sure!! Was thinking hard what to choose, cause I think all of my happy ending fics are on the pretty same level on a happy scale, but I remember that I have this gen, non romantic baby and I love it so much ❤️🩹 There's a little TLK OMC for y'all
Do you write crossovers?
I wanted to say I've never done this BUT THEN!!! My Assassin's Creed (Ezio) x LOTR little headcanon!!! My beloved child!!
Have you ever received hate on a fic?
No, not that I remember getting any hate on my fics
Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
I do, tho not much and on rare occasions. I used to write a lot of smut when I was younger (a teen), then I stopped being comfortable with it for a wild few years (tho reading never made me uncomfortable lmao).
Now I started writing smut again, idk what kind? Don't really understand what does that mean lol F x M traditional sex? Pretty detailed? If so, then yes lmao
Have you ever had a fic stolen?
I don't know 😂 Maybe, maybe not. I think rather not.
Have you ever had a fic translated?
Not to my knowledge, I don't think so.
Have you ever co-written a fic before?
We tried with my friend a long long time ago. Didn't go well lmao It's hard and kinda stressing, cause you never know what the other person is gonna write (at least we had this SURPRISE system), so... You kinda have zero plot cause everything you want to write plot-wise can be ruined by the second person's plot lmao
What's your all-time favorite ship?
Athelnar?? Athelstan and Ragnar were my first ever OTP (quickly followed by Alfred and Uhtred). You could never beat that Athelnar shit out of my body lmao I've never written for them, but oh I do love them boys!
What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?
Now, that's the HARSH one lmao
I think I have at least 3 OC stories that I really wanna write (2 for TLK and one for LOTR), but I'm scared that I will never actually do it. I never was good with multi chaptered stories, and these are indeed not a one shots 🥲
What are your writing strengths?
Ugh... I don't know? I think I was pretty good with dialogues and descriptions of the surroundings to build the atmosphere. But... I guess it's not for me to decide but for the readers?
What are your writing weaknesses?
I rarely finish what I've started lmao I should write everything in one go or else I'll never finish it... Or will finish it in two months even if it's a 2k words one shot
What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?
I love them! I've only done it with my LOTR fics (with Sindarin) but I really love it. But I really love it when the language is different from the language of the settings? Like, if the story is happening in England and everyone is English, but you have two characters who can speak idk Dutch, let them have a Dutch language in their dialogue. I had a rant post about it not that long ago actually lmao You have to think about your in-universe language
What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?
Ahhh Bungou Stray Dogs! I love them, and I'd gladly try to write something for them. Not a character/character but reader my beloved.
And maybe Stephane Narcisse (reign) my beloved and a reader
What's your favorite fic you've written?
The blood on my hands (Eomer) and Peace (Finan) are definitely my fave ones I think. They are dark and both explore some trauma
No pressure tags: @whitedarkmoonflower @lord-aldhelm @holy3cake @gemini-mama @emilyhufflepufftlk @persephones-journey @solinarimoon @mrsalwayswrite @emmanuellececchi @bilbotargaryen @levithestripper @mrsarnasdelicious @paula-in-dreamland
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Dpx Dc AU: Ectoplasm is required for Ghosts to be visible to the human eye- And Danny creates his own ectoplasm.
Danny is visiting Jazz in Gotham and its weird how friendly everyone is. Like, the city gets a really bad rapport, everywhere he goes there is someone trying to strike up a conversation or answer his questions about getting around to the tourist spots. A few people even pointed out restaurants and ways to find off the beaten path gems! Jazz seems to role her eyes at him, but when he brings up her 'roommate' being kind of cute she flat out laughs.
Danny then comes to understand the Jazz doesn't have a roommate and that Ghosts in Gotham don't move far from their haunts- He's just been inadvertently turning these undead folks visible by accident of generating abnormal amounts of ectoplasm.
Which, is comforting in a way, he's never walking this dangerous city alone and really, most of the ghosts have been really friendly! They disappear once he's a few blocks away from them anyway.
---
Tim Drake is having a horrible day.
He'd been given intel that one of Black Mask's guys was going to snitch but that he'd died before given the opportunity to reach out to the GCPD. He tracks down the guy's last know whereabouts and yikes. Its next to the Theater. Tim was often grateful for his childhood obsessions, this time it backfired.
Tim and Bruce get into an argument about trust and respect and, worst of all, mental health. And even though Tim was vehemently against Batman accompanying Red Robin to the alleyway - that's exactly what happens.
They arrive and Bruce is closing up faster than a clam in the contaminated Gotham Bay- Clearly being in the Alley bothers him. No fucking shit. RR gets started on collecting evidence, there are a few extra blood splatters and a single left shoe... When a kid walks into the Alley.
"Uh, sorry to intrude-" The kid looks scared shitless, and runs away. And then, all of a sudden, Batman and Robin aren't alone in the Alley.
Tim can hardly believe his eyes as the dead man appears and quickly blabs Black Mask's bank passwords and what the plan had been- and While he's over joyed to have that closure, he turns around to Batman weeping in the arms of his parents.
The ghosts fade, and the emotions are certainly charged as this was never something Bruce or Tim would have ever dreamed of happening. Ghosts in Gotham. Talking, floating, granting closure.
"RR, Bats, come in." Oracle calls into their ears.
"Reporting in, but, uh, we need a minute."
"A minute? We have a case on 4th and-"
"O, we just saw the ghosts of the Waynes. It's going to be a minute."
"...Lots of Ghost reports lately then. Any chance you saw a kid looking like he could be adopted?"
"Yeah, actually, black hair and blue eyes. He was super polite before he ran away."
"We have work to do. Oracle, lets prioritize finding our person of interest and divert Nightwing and Robin to the case on 4th." Batman cut between them on the comms and he sounded... calmer than either of them anticipated.
---
Jazz is no longer laughing when Batman appears at her door explaining that he's looking for Danny (Who already flew away from town to get a good night's sleep before class on Monday). Turns out Danny reunited the man with his dead parents just briefly- and then the second guy appears and mentions how Danny had also given a guy who'd been murdered by a Mob enough time to explain the ongoing threats the city faced.
Jazz just rolls her eyes and says that it's not like the ghosts are going anywhere anytime soon and Danny will visit in another month. When pressed, she just explains that her brother is a weirdo. No of course he doesn't have powers. Gaslight and Girlbosses her way out.
And Jazz thinks that the game is up for at least another month, obviously when Danny visits more shit will stir up, but then this new guy appears.
Unlike the other Bats who are keen on watching her from a distance, the Red Hood knocks on her door. Are her eyebrows all the way into her hairline when Red Hood asks her to send his thanks along to Danny because somehow this whole situation led to his Dad expressing remorse for his actions and apologizing? Yes, yes they are.
But Jazz can smell Dissertation Data off of these vigilantes- Who is she to send them away? Jazz welcomes Red Hood into her place for a cup of tea and a small chat.
The story then devolves into Jazz getting shit done, Danny being cute by proximity and also bringing ghosts to the party, and the Bats having trauma resolve between them.
#dcxdp#dpxdc#dc x dp#dp x dc#danny phantom#dc crossover#dp crossover#long post#danny can make ghosts appear like they do in amity but only for a short while and when in proximity to him#its not apparent in amity because the ghosts are just like that there#Danny just having a good time#Danny having zero brain cells about this whole thing and neither he nor jazz will offer explanations#they're just like 'gotham has ghosts. its not like he put them there'#Bruce getting into therapy because his dead parents said they were proud of him and he didnt know how to handle that#bruce having to turn this energy around somehow and seeing jason - my boy i love you so much and im so sorry and im so proud of you#heres the thing i dont know how i made it anger management ship at the end but i sure as fuck did.#jason is at a lack of words at bruce's confessions of pride and love but is also about to be a BAT about this and track down info#info in the form of a cute girl#oh yeah she has a brother#uh well#he has brothers too- this is fine#someone write this fic pls n thx u
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longlegs fucking sucked 😭
#talkys#sorry for movie opinions post#i didnt know anything abt it going in other than serial killer and Mystery and i was soooooo so interested and enthralled#for a good chunk bc wow i like the framing the pacing the shots!#and then it gets to a point where its like oh...!#and then 📉📉📉📉↘️↘️↘️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️#like how did that movie feel like 3 hrs long#all that build up for the most eyerolly unsatisfying payoff#do u guys think its possible for horror movies to be Satisfying anymore?#saying dis as someone not as acquainted with the genre#we were talking about how like hereditary was Good but it wasn't...Scary....but its fine bc it was good#idek what im saying anymore but we regret seeing it we shouldve gone with our parents to bingo 😭💔#the main character rocked though...so awesome will graham#so extremely funny seeing ppl being like ''ummm sorry ur someone who thinks horror movies need to be jumpscares and dont like psychological#horror :/'' this was NOT psychological horror. it was a really interesting like Mystery for a good chunk and then at that Certain Point its#like oh. horror movie version of the ''and then he woke up'' cop-out to me. how boring. what a boring conclusion#not worth the whole previous hour of Good#i will say the shots of the hooded figure with the eyes unnerved me tho i had to look away 😭#MY SISTER LITERALLY FELL ASLEEP LMAO but at that point i was still very interested and hopeful#and then.
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beautiful that we get a nice wet beast wednesday to start off mermay, no?
gay little fish but i made him look like a blue sea dragon
#tomioka giyuu#giyuu#loserboy giyuu posting#merfolk#mermaid au#neros art tag#wet beast wednesday#i was drawing the v1 au sabito but his pectoral & dorsal fins are SUCH a pain in the fucking ass (i havent drawn them)#and i cant look at other ppls mermaids bc nO ONE GIVES THEM FUCKING F I N S. THEY CANT FUCKING SWIM. LIKE THEYRE EELS INSTEAD OF FISH#i also dont think im gonna get to draw today bc my shoulder is being fucky for no reason >:( but i WILL to mermay shit on time this year#and not. september lmao#he big ol eyes....#oh yeah originally i didnt think much of it for v5 but now im thinking sakonji's head researcher and makomo & sabito are his two top team#also cute idea i might do for v5 on sbgy sunday is sabito gently moving giyuu around to get a good look at his patterning#then giyuu turning around to look @ him. oooo wait giyuu names him sunspeck but then sabito takes off his shirt and he gets to see#how he's speckled like that all over not just his face<3 hehehe i cant wait to draw that lpease i need to#oh yeah i didnt give sab freckles in that older pic. loser shit#??? giyuus neck looks weird long. ignore that
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undertale yellow. clutches head in anguish.
#[cherry on top]#undertale yellow spoilers#[..its still you]#anyways. finished my uty playthrough yesterday. oh my god.#^ that might be a bit of a surprise given that ive said like. nothing about it on here#but honestly i felt like positive-neutral about the game for most of it. like yeah it was good;#but nothing that drove me crazy. yknow? it was just an overall good game.#which is why i didnt really say anything about it#then it started picking up near the middle-end with the steamworks-#i enjoyed axis and guardener a lot; ceroba was a cool party member;#and the music in steamworks goes hard. one of my favorite tracks tbh#then there was the buildup to cerobas fight.#then i /got/ to cerobas fight and. crumples up into a ball AAUUUUUUUUUU#OH MY GODDDDDD#something about it made me shatter into a million tiny pieces.#a lot of things did actually. like how HARD IT WAS#i was stuck on her for OVER AN HOUR#BUT I DID IT. I DID IT LEGIT. IT WAS SO SATISFYING WHEN I FINALLY BEAT HER#god im just insane about ceroba rn. women who fuck up everything big time#and see no other option other than to dig their hole deeper because they sure as hell arent getting out of it#OH AND THE ENDING... BECAUSE OH MY GODDDD OF COURSE CLOVER WOULD DO THAT AHUGHHHHH#THEY'RE THE JUSTICE SOUL. THEY WANTED TO BRING MONSTERS TO JUSTICE AFTER ALL THEY FACED#OF FUCKING COURRSSSEEEEEEE AAAUUGHHHHH <- wail of anguish#KILLING AND MAIMING AND BITING.#SORRY. i needed to lose it for my mental health. quoting that one tiktok: 'im craeezay. im insaaane!'#for other tidbits i wanted to mention:#cerobas bossfight music went HARD. i fucking love the phase 3 transition especially with her yelling as the music starts;#that black hole attack can go fuck itself;#and if you were wondering how long it took me to beat uty. it was around 10-11 hours for a pacifist route.#anyways i totally need to play more games. that was fucking awesome and i need to experience more things like that
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Orym growing his hair out while Dorians gone because he's not really taking care of himself makes for an EXCELLENT gay hair cutting fic
#silver sending stones#dorym#orym of the air ashari#dorian storm#the thought is#theyre reunited and dorian#because orym is roughly hand height#dorian runs his hands through oryms hair “without thinking”#and says “youre letting it grow? i thought you liked it short?”#and dorian wraps it in a fist and pulls a little bit#again “without thinking” (no for real dorian like playing with hair hense the long ass hair and he does not realize hes making oryn go RED)#and orym. through his blush. goes “i actually hate it. i just havent felt ... its been really ... it gets in my eyes? hard to look around”#“oh? im sorry i wouldnt have-” “no its okay. i didnt say anything”#“...do you want ne to cut it? im pretty good with a pair of sheers” “oh i ... normally just go at it until its short enough”#“oyrm. i mean this as kindly as i can. we can all tell. youre a handsome man. let me give you something thatll compliment your face”#lots of blushing. a lot of touching of the neck and throught the scalp#and depending on how I'm feeling#theyre probably not together#so orym is just sitting there radiating red while dorian is doing his best not to fuck up his hair#maybe a kiss at the end#maybe not#we'll see how desperate i am at episode 98#we're just on e32 rn
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vriska + a transmasc dave doodle
#tryna get into colored pencils again we'll see how it goes#its been a while since ive done a good tag ramble#but like i dont hv anything to ramble about#my art#traditional art#doodles#fanart#homestuck#homestuck fanart#dave strider#dave strider fanart#vriska serket#vriska fanart#oh actually i do hv smth to ramble about today#that being scheduled posts#yknow scheduled posts are actually really convinient and helped me quite a bit#like i used them for a couple months and honestly really liked useing them cuz it allowed me to hv a pretty consistent posting schedule#but in the end i just didnt feel right with it mostly due to the fact that even with it set to post three times a week it felt weird to hav#some of my drawings posting weeks after i finished them. like they were old news to me already but they were barely being released to every#one else it just felt weird for me ig. not to mention that like on the rare occassions that i didnt have anything to post i felt obliged to#draw smth just so i would have smth to post and most of the time that led to me being unhappy with my art. so now ive just decided like fuc#it imma post whenever i want and honestly im really happy with that even if i might be going a little trigger happy with the posting button#recently lmao. ive just been drawing a whole lot and hv so much to post its insane. hell i still hv things in my gallery that i needa post#but ill save those for the next couple of days lol but yeah thanks for coming to my very long ted talk/ramble and goodnight 😴#damn im such a yapster what the hell
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the school arc to me is so good because it drags ciel out of his position as a powerful figure and literally places him in the shoes of the person he could have been. the circus arc ALSO drags him out of his position as big bad queens watch dog/head of the phantomhive estate but the school arc feels like a mockery of a future that never was. this is what he could have been had his parents not died. and even then its NOT because he will never be that kid.
he never was.
#ramblings#incoherent beyond belief its 4 am#and im trying to avoid manga spoilers#might add a reblog with more coherent thoughts when i wake up but im off my meds so i cant promise anything#actually correction im being vague w the manga spoilers#manga readers know whats up#idk if there are any anime only ppl who havent been spoiled on The Plottwist Ever yet#but i figured there will be new fans and though im not tagging this it might still get seen so#cant WAIT to see our boy absolutely miserable in animation form should they recreate that arc LMAOOO#which ofc is after the germany arc so thats still a long time away#but STILL. itd be fun i need to see this young teenager lose his mind in color with sound#him relying on sebastian to do all his fag duties (sorry. dredge) so he can work his way up the social ladder#trying to gain power while simultaneously proving that he cant do anything but rely on others#hes always needed help in basically every way and he hasnt CHANGED he just got a demon to do it for him#he learns to lie and charm and cheat and all the while hes a fucking CHILD WHO STILL STRUGGLES WITH NORMAL THINGS#ciel is my little baby and i love him deeply no matter how much of a little bitch he can be#his helplessness isnt just 'oh he was raised in british high society' its also that he never got the chance to learn anything#which to elaborate on that id also have to go into manga territory. iykyk#like absolutely at this point he just refuses to learn how to do things he has a pet demon to do it for him#but.#hi the phantomhives backstory is killing me again its so late#both atlantic and the school arc are just setup for the Big Arc but theyre very good in their own right i SWEAR#also when i rewatched the circus arc a while back and i realised how some scenes were shot#the heavy foreshadowing that i didnt realise. yk. 7 years ago or however long its been since i first watched it#CRAZY#if you are new. to kuroshitsuji. and you havent read the manga. dear god. read the manga#ALSO GRELLE IN THAT ARC IS SO BEAUTIFUL & OTHELLO IS TRANSMASCULINE. OKAY GOODBYE
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close enough to be whole again || chapter 18
🎊 new chapter update new chapter update new chapter update 🎊
#dpxdc#dpxdc fic#dcxdp#dcxdp fic#desktop tumblr lets you edit links to put a title instead of 'show chapter' but mobile doesnt 😭😭😭#oh hello guys how are you i didnt see you there!!#dont mind me just casually dropping a chapter after........... too many months being inactive#im so sorry#ive been trying to get the other writing ive got going out of the way but like#theyre all turning into monsters too!!#idk how i feel about this chapter :/#the next chapter is going to have to undergo major rewrites before its posted#but! BUT! ive got a solid idea of where it goes after that so thats good news!!#because i was really stumped for such a long while#....... now i just gotta write it tho haha#after my holiday!! then its fic time BaBey!!!#poor danny in this chapter - poor damian too#at this point damian isnt necessarily against the idea of ghosts being (he knows ghosts are real!) its just more of a#'if ghosts arent real than danny is just confused and hes not dead please hes not dead dont let him be dead' sort of situation#ya get me?#promise they will talk about it and it will get better#just..... its gonna be a few chapters 😬#also in an earlier draft danny called dan a little bitch but damian misinterpreted it as danny calling damian a little bitch#and that was so funny to me - BUT to me it read more in damian's way so like i didnt want danny to get readers like that too#so i took it out but i kinda wish id left it in because its Funny#uh hmmm what else............... bruce sure is surprised about ghosts in amity huh#thats the trouble with writing Smart People#for i am Not Smart#BUT i do know the plot so that helps!!#anyway!! im at limit so let me say thank you for waiting ily all and i hope you enjoy it!! ily ily ily and thank you thank you thank you 🩷
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#oh lads. its not looking good for my genomics exam on Thursday. its all fucked#i dunno. its just been a weird day. bc one of my lab mates is getting ready to go to the astr0biology science conference#and its just so wild how i got here. into the perfect position. i have a great advisor. a great phd project. a committee member who is super#integrated with n4sa astr0biology projects. and so many of the instructors are amazing. my genomics prof is terrifyingly smart#so is my advisor and his wife. and the program is great. ecology and Evolution. its perfect. its all perfect#and yet. and yet. it just feels like its all falling apart. ive lost that compulsive thing thats always set in my chest#and now all i want to do is lay on the floor and cry and sleep and not do anything. why am i so tired?#its just so frustrating. and im sure ive got the most wretched vibes bc im constantly like 1 comment away from bursting into tears#like 2 weeks and its done. then im off to find a summer job. and find a long term job. and consider throwing away everything ive ever worked#toward. just let it all burn. im so tired. and i dont get to see my therapist until Monday. thats gonna b fun#hi. hello. since last i saw you my life has crumbled into pieces. ugh. i just dont wanna fail this genomics exam but it looks like that's#where we're headed. maybe i should have just dipped out of these last 3 weeks. but no. i didnt want to leave the lady i ta for 100 lab#reports to unexpectedly have to grade 4 days before grades are due. ugh. itll b fine. i mean it wont but whatever#unrelated
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just watched 21 jump street and looked up the cast bc thats what i do when i watch movies and found out that there was a tv show also named 21 jump street that the movie was a kinda sorta but not really sequel to the show and that the random cameo with johnny depp at the end was in fact not a random famous comedic actor cameo at all bc he was like the main character in the original tv show and that led me down a weird rabbit hole (incoming pun not intended) and learned about the other cops in that show one of them being Judy Hoffs which if youre like me ur former disney brain immediately connected that to Judy Hopps from zootopia and looked it up to see if it was intentional and apparently the name (and job) similarities were not supposed to be a reference on the zootopia team's part and its "just a play on how rabbits jump" and they were "unaware of the 21 jump street character when naming judy" which i think is some pretty big bullshit because theres no way a character who's first name is Judy and last name is hopps (spelled with two P's the way hoFFs is spelled) and just so happens to also be a young and brand new cop is just a crazy random coincidence
#no paragraph breaks bc this is how my brain works when im in lore deepdive mode#no ones gonna read this but whatever#anyway i didnt think id like 21 jump street the movie bc i usually hate 2010s R- comedy movies#and like anything jonah hill is in HAHA#but i figured ive gone long enough not knowing its references and also i felt like doing a channing tatum binge#bUt i actually giggled at a few jokes i hate to say#most of them were on channings part hes pretty funny. cant stand jonah hill tho sorry not sorry#also they look nothing alike but the amount of times i mix up tom hardy and channing tatum in my head is fucking crazy#anyway#kats movie rants#also i'll bring this up in everything thats relevant but i fucking love Zootopia ive seen it so many times#ive read and watched so many concept videos of the movie in preproduction and making ofs and docu's of that movie omfg#also yes i love nick wilde no not like that hes just silly goofy okay i just love suave sarcastic (fox) characters i swear#every time i remember how the movie plot was supposed to go (shock collars) another little piece of me dies inside because#goddamn its such a good and heartwrenching concept and i still wanna see it on the big screen SO BAD#especially all the test animations and storyboards they already did for that plot line OUGH IT LOOKED SO GOOD#and the fact that the supposed building that nick owned in the concept can be seen (delapadated) in the bkrd of the movie in a scene too BR#god i cant stop talking about it now oh god i unleashed my own beast i need to stop im stopping okay goodnight#yeah so if u cant tell i really love zootopia HAHA
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i finished unicorn overlord i have immense haead trauma now
#its really good. i love my wife. i love my peepaw josef. i love srpg gaming. rolling around in my fun fantasy mudpit as usual again!!!!awawa#i finally got to use amalia's unit on the last map and her wildkick stun fucking. locked [REDACTED]'s scary round-start skill.#teams are so fucking fun i didnt think they'd work as well as they did shredding that fight's checks. oh my god that was fun#UNICORN OVERLORD BABY!!!!!!!!!!!! THE UNICORN OVERLORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FANTASY KNIGHT GAMING FOREVER#unicorn overlord#what a finale to me..............owoowoaoaoaagggh. oowaaaaaaaaaaa. I have a headache how long that took#but what a good time. i wana see the postgame extras but im satisfied ive seen the end of the story now whee. yippee. hehooo.#armour clanking#play unicorn overlord available now on switch ps4/5 and xbox with a five hour unlimited demo thansks
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I will never be able to take Obito seriously in the Tobi outfit. I just can't. That's not Madara, that's not a guy stuck in Hell, that's not a villain capable of horrors beyond our comprehension. That will always be the mask of a school girl in love with his senpai to me and nothing else. Well, okay maybe except Guruguru and whatever the fuck he kept talking about literal shit for. But Kishi fucked up thinking anyone is supposed to take the Tobi disguise seriously at this point.
#im just like. why is he not talking about senpai and being a good boy and using the tobi voice???#OH MY GOD. OH. MY. GOD. NONONONONOOOOO LISTEN TO ME LISTEN TO THIS#do you realize how weird and disturbing and creepy it would have been if he kept the tobi the whole time???#i cant remember a lot from the final arc but at least in connections great ninja war tobi did have one line where he used the goofy tobi#voice to mock naruto and LISTEN. that was so much lost potential to have goofy silly high pitched tobi say the most fucked up shit#i will have been over the moon with excitement. i would have taken him seriously. i would have found him so much more interesting#at this point in the plot instead of being sad at the loss of the tobi persona. and like yeah i was an incorrect madara truther#until i was forced to face the obito truth. but either way i didnt want to lose the tobi we knew so i would have been hyped for evil tobi#but still being tobi until like. idk maybe until the war actually started? i think waiting until the official obito reveal would have been#too long#but i guess the voice change would have been jarring if it just happened with the outfit change instead#or ya know. maybe he coulda mixed it up. like using the madara voice exclusively with konan nagato and sasuke#but the tobi voice with naruto and everywhere else#THE MISSED OPPORTUNITIES!!!!! AAAAAAAA SEE IT SUCKS!!!!!#personal
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it's rlly fun how my parents just straight up. do not care. about the disordered eating. we had all this talk back when i went through a big suicidal crisis a couple months ago, i explained what was really difficult for me, eating socially, restaurants, not choosing my food, etc, and now it's like. okay it didn't exist actually.
mother i am not going to order you around, either you accept that i'm gonna have difficulty dealing with "normal people behavior" or whatnot and you stop looking at me like :/ anytime i am anything but ecstatic at the idea of eating anything anytime anyhow, or you adapt your behavior to avoid the results you don't like to see. i'm only doing my best to handle things from my side, and i am certainly not going to try measuring for you how important family social eating occurences are to you.
#''we should talk abt it uwu'' WE TALKED ABOUT IT. STOP COMPLAINING THAT DOING STUFF THAT I CAN'T EASILY HANDLE MAKES ME WEIRD.#EITHER YOU ASSUME IT'S GOING TO MAKE ME WEIRD BECAUSE YOU KNOW EXACTLY HOW AND WHY#OR YOU STOP DOING IT IF IT'S SO UWU HEARTBREAKING UWU FOR YOU TO WATCH#i'm not happy about how guilty i am too of that specific brand of ''oh this is so sad *continues doing nothing*'' form of ''compassion''#they just want me to perform anorexia recovery for them#so they can feel okay we're doing a good job at raising a normal child#they don't give a shit as long as the compusive eating is my mom's meal at the dinner table#just like they didnt care when i had roughly the same problems but not as bad before i had a restrictive phase#i cannot compromise because then WHAT im just hurting my parents for a situation that doesnt make me any happier either?#i do not want to live with them. i do not want to go place or do activities with them.#i dont want to talk to them most of the time and im perfectly willing to handle the times it could be cool to.#but it's really hard to start developping a life of your own when you first of all need like two weeks of total life-reset#quiet at home#and ''at home'' there's your parents who will simply not stop trying to pull you into going random bullshit places#and i can't say no. because the places ARE interesting and time-limited. and it makes them happy. and what am i gonna do anyway?#keep doing nothing on the computer and wait for them to come back to keep doing only the shittiest parts of this unsatisfactory routine?#try to do some work in the house or go out. for them to see that something happened?#i dont know how to live like a normal person#literally not once in my life have i been able to think ''oh i need to do X'' and then just. do X. prepare what's necessary for doing X.#go out and do X. i have to keep stuck at this computer or in this room or with this book.#because there is a million different obstacles to every single thing i'm trying to achieve and half of them are parents-shaped.#everything hurts holy shit#broadcasting my misery#vent#ed tw
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huh.
#eli.txt#idk i think ive been slowly forgiving my sister for how deeply hurt i felt when she moved out bc now I Get It. like I Get It#when she moved out i was. 9. and in my head i thought she had left because of me. because i wasnt the easiest kid in the world and i know-#-she had a hard time dealing with me when we were alone. we're so far apart in age we couldnt connect for most of my life. and in my head#that was the reason she left home. bc of me. bc she was tired of *me.*#i know now thats not true. and i understand now why she had to leave because if she felt the way im feeling then goddamn im glad she got ou#this feeling SUCKS. nd like#yeah this probably has to do with my father's daughter and the fact that she refused to even meet me until our dad died.#it took my dad dying for my sister to even be in the same room as me. that really messed with me as a kid. like it REALLY did.#so when my sister left home i just kinda went. oh okay neither of my sisters want anything to do with me! i will be alone forever! got it!#AND I KNOW NOW THATS NOT TRUE ON EITHER OF THEIR ENDS. I DONT HAVE A GOOD RELATIONSHIP W MY DADS DAUGHTER AND I PROBABLY NEVER WILL#BUT I DONT HOLD ANYTHING AGAINST HER ANYMORE BC GOD HER MOTHER WAS AWFUL AND I GET WHY SHE DIDNT WANT TO MEET ME BC OF EVERYTHING#BUT LIKE. THAT MESSED ME UP AND I JUST STRAIGHT UP ASSUMED BOTH MY SISTERS HATED ME FOR SO LONG.#AND NOW THAT I ALSO FEEL LIKE I NEED TO LEAVE I CAN SEE SO CLEARLY. MY SISTER NEVER HATED ME I WAS NEVER THE REASON SHE LEFT.#I CAN LET GO OF HOW HURT I FELT BECAUSE I ALSO NEED TO LEAVE#god i dont wanna hurt my mom though.#dont think i could leave her completely alone in this apartment. i dont think i can do that.#anyway. hi tumblr did you like todays oversharing episode
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