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mids-stupid-shit · 6 months ago

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This was mostly made for @rabid-raccoontail but whoever wants to get into Mortal Kombat, this is your lucky day. So welcome everyone to the

Idiots guide to Mortal Kombat

Also this is going to be my biggest post yet so if you like to read this is the place for you. If you can't picture the characters I name, look them up on google.

Also this contains heavy spoilers for the ENTIRE series.

So sorry for the wait, I hope you enjoy this

What is a Mortal Kombat?

To get a basic understanding of the series you got 3 canons to work with. You have the Midway games (Original Dev team), you have The NRS reboot (the canon most people are known with) and you got the The New Era ( the one that changed it all).

Classic games

The first game takes place on an Island owned by Shang Tsung, the final boss. The whole premise of why everyone is fighting on an island is because of the Mortal Kombat tournament, which happens every generation, and is a tournament mostly against Earthrealm and Outworld. Basically how it works, is if your realm wins 10 tournaments in a row, your realm gets fused with the winners (but also you can choose not to do that because fuck it). Outworld won 9 tournaments and with this one, one of the biggest villains of the franchise, Shao Kahn, fuses Earthrealm with Outworld and fucks up the entire human race. Our champions, Liu Kang a Shaolin monk, Johnny Cage the actor and Sonya Blade a Special Forces Commander, led by the thunder God Raiden won't let that shit slide. Oh also Kano is here and he's a proper Aussie, ye m8? Anyways, Liu Kang sweeps the floor with everyone, including a four armed hurdling mass of muscle named Goro, kicks Shang Tsungs ass and practically saves the Earth. Bonus fun fact, Scorpion kills Sub Zero because he thought he killed his family and clan and as revenge, he spit roasts him.

MK2 takes place some time after that with Shang looking a little sexier and asking the Earthrealmers to join a second MK tournament. If they don't oblige, they're gonna invade Earth (save that for a little later). Also Sub Zero is back, except not really the one who got killed by Scorpion was Bi-Han, and this is his younger brother, Kuai Liang. Getting back on topic we got some new characters like Jax, Sonya's partner from the Special Forces, Kuai Liang Sub Zero, Kung Lao who's the cooler Shaolin monk and also has a hat that's also a throwing weapon, Kitana, who is the main villains step daughter (sorta), Mileena, who's a test tube baby made by Shang Tsung for Shao Kahn, Reptile, who as you could guess is a lizard, and Barraka, who has Nosferatu's face (but also like, his species is tied to Mileena's creation because she's half Tarkatan. Anyways, some shit happens and Liu Kang beats the fuck out of Shao Kahn.

MK3, instead of being yet another tournament, Shao Kahn says FUCK IT and invades earth with the Outworld armies. Not only that, but the Lin Kuei (Sub Zero's clan) are being turned into cyborgs. All but one of them escaped, that one being Sub Zero. One cop survives New York, Johnny Cage gets killed by a centaur, there's a speedster with swords and fireballs coming out of his face, and boom, bang BING, we got some new characters. There's Stryker the Cop I talked about a few seconds ago, Kabal the speedster because the co-creator really wanted to make a psycho killer flash, Cyrax Sektor and Smoke who are the cyber Lin Kuei, Rain, who appears in like 5 games but only does something in 3 and isn't playable in one of the games he's in, Night Wolf who's a native American, Ermac who uses they/them and Sindel, the biggest bitch in the fucking seven seas. Oh also Bi-Han is back and he's edgy. He now goes by Noob Saibot, which if you read backwards is Tobias and Boon, the creators of Mortal Kombat. No time for that though because somehow Shao Kahn returned after being fisted, Johnny Cage gets brought back to life and Liu Kang kills Shao Kahn once more again, the end.

If that's not confusing enough, we aren't done yet because now we got

3D games

I'm not doing Mortal Kombat 4

Deadly Alliance starts with Shang Tsung and his boyfriend Quan Chi snapping Liu Kang's neck so he can't interrupt them in reawakening Onaga, the king of all scalies and one of the most powerful forces in the realms. And now Liu Kang is a zombie, Raiden kicks Shang and Quan's asses or at least tries. Also we're introduced to Kenshi Takahashi the blind swordsman with a magic sword, and sexy vampire pirate lady, Nitara, more on her later.

Deception takes place right after that, where Raiden is trying to fight the Deadly Alliance (who are literally just Shang and Quan), failing. Raiden dies, Quan Chi kills Shang Tsung which somehow awakens Onaga. Quan can't do piss and trying to fight him, somehow brings both Raiden and Shang Tsung back to life... Okay?? And then Raiden nukes himself and Onaga walks it off. Deceptions protagonist is a little shit called Shujinko, a student of Bo Rai Cho, the same man who trained Kung Lao and Liu Kang. He then gets encountered by Damashi, a glowy ball that tells him he has to help the Elder Gods by retrieving the Kamidogu (which are basically Jewelry that hold the fabric of the universe). And Shujinko, being the gullible idiot he is accepts. And from this point on, the game turns into you fixing everyone else's problems like finding Bo Rai Cho's sodding watch, getting water back from another realm, and beating the shit out of Wesley Snipes. Speaking of Blade we got other sick characters like Kira and Kobra, Black Dragon members and one of them is named after a martial art/movie, Havik who is a klerk of chaos, Hotaru the Policemun, Dairou who's an outlaw loose and runnin', and Li Mei, voiced by Kelly Hu in the latest game. After all that, you find all the Kamidogu, you defeat everyone + Scorpion is the final boss (don't ask me, I don't fuggin know why) and what's your reward? Realizing you've been deceived the whole game and not seeing a final battle between Onaga and Shujinko (even though Shujinko can definitely beat Onaga but fuck it).

Armageddon begins with this schmuck named Argus, an Edenian God who did it with a mortal woman Delia and they had two boys who had to be put in stalagmites because Argus knows the apocalypse is on its way. Thousands of years later, Daegon and Taven, the two brothers wake up. Daegon basically made the Red Dragon clan, named after Caro who's basically Taven's spirit animal and he helps bring about the apocalypse. Taven's character can be summed up to "Who are you? Who's that? Uuuuh..." But that's what I love about him. Anyways, Taven looks for his asshole brother, de-frosts a bad bitch and kicks everyone's ass. Which translates to what Armageddon really is. All the characters choose sides. We get one of the coolest fmv sequences in PS2 history and everyone dies trying to take Blaze's power. Blaze is a demigod-esque creation made by Argus to warn Taven and Daegon about the apocalypse, but also whoever kills him, gains his power and basically becomes the developer of the game. But because Taven is the main character, he has to kill everyone he encounters, a few of those people being one's he was proud to call friends. He climbs to the top, kills Daegon, destroys Blaze and saves the universe, the end.

Yeah I lied lol

Netherrealm Era

After Armageddon, Midway shut down, Warner Brothers bought Mortal Kombat and Netherrealm studios took over the franchise and this is where it all went downhill.

Mortal Kombat 9 starts with the end of the previous game. Except it doesn't, because Taven is somehow not here and Shao Kahn walked all the way back to kill him after being carried away by Onaga. Before Shao Kahn crushed him, Raiden sends a message to his past self saying only three things. "He Must Win.". We are now in the first Mortal Kombat except it's HD and Johnny is down bad for Sonya. Sonya is here just so she can find Jax who's lost on the island somewhere, Bi-Han is a bit of a prick and Shang Tsung is the only character in the game who has common sense. Liu Kang beats Shang Tsung, Jax gets his arms ripped off by Ermac, Johnny only gets to win if he has a suit and Mileena gets the most revieling outfit in fighting game history. Kitana and Liu Kang have an on and off thing, Reptile gets bullied (poor thang) and before Kuai Liang can kill Scorpion for killing his brother, he's taken away by the cyber Lin Kuei because Raiden saved Smoke from being cyberized and he says there's nothing he can do (that's bullshit but okay). Anyways, Kung Lao is doing pretty good in the tournament and then Shao Kahn snaps his neck. Feeling horrible by the death of his Shaolin brother, Liu Kang jumps in the arena and fists Shao Kahn. Sometime later, we learned that Shao Kahn survived because they put him in the Soul Chamber, a place in the Outworld arena that heals any and all wounds. He then gets the idea by Quan Chi to invade Earthrealm which completely goes against the laws of Mortal Kombat. And Shang Tsung knows and wants to stop them, but Shao Kahn doesn't fucking care and erased him from existance. they get guns from Kano, and they start blasting. Army can't do shit and somehow, a single cop (Stryker) is able to fight off A lizard man, a fire breathing cat and the only thing in Outworld that knows what pronouns are. Kabal was here too, but only for the first two fights. But he doesn't get his super speed here because he's just an average dude and maybe dating Stryker? I don't know. Anyways Kabal gets roasted by a big buff cat, taken to the Black Dragon and given a respiratory device by Kano that helps him breathe. He's basically Deadpool - the guns + super speed because the magic atmosphere of Outworld gave him that. Don't ask how anyone else got that after going to Outworld, idk🤷‍♀️. Anyways Quan Chi and Bitch-han bring back Sindel and mind control her to do their biding. Meanwhile, our heroes that consist of Johnny Cage, Sonya Blade, Jax Briggs, Night Wolf, Cyber Sub Zero, Smoke, Kitana, Stryker, Kabal, Kitana and Liu Kang sit and do nothing. The Bastard Sektor walks in and with his Cyber Lin Kuei to tire out the heroes until Sindel arrives, the worst scene in MK history plays because the purple bitch kills damn near everyone and kicks Smoke in the nads, and then Night Wolf, the most forgettable Mortal Kombat character kills Sindel by Hail Mary. Raiden looks for help of Quan Dale Dingle, but he instead of helping, brings everyone who died back as revenants, which are basically zombies but with memories of the ones who died and they are pretty strong. Raiden fights three at once, Kills Liu Kang because he fears Shao Kahn is going to kill him and with the power of the Elder Gods, Raiden goes super Saiyan and does a Kamehameha, killing Shao Kahn. Yeah all of that was one game.

Mortal Kombat X (or as dip shits would call it mk 10) starts with Johnny, Sonya and Kenshi fighting revenant Sub Zero (who's a human revenant because of MKX prequel comic nonsense don't worry about it), Smoke who isn't even playable, Sindel who's a bitch through and through and Jax, who in a minute turns back into a human because of unexplained reasons, but I guess by killing his revenant, Liu, Kitana and Lao who are some. it turns out they were going to the Jin Sei chamber (earthrealm's life force that is pure light) where Quan Chi and his boss, Shinnok exact their plan of taking over Earthrealm by putting Shinnok into the Jin Sei, corrupting it and turning him into a super Saiyan but he looks like a devil, so kind of like a ssj4 thing? Doesn't matter because Johnny learns he has God killing powers and uses them to punch Shinnok in the nuts. Raiden seals him and the rest of the game is now a 20 years time skip. And now we have the next gen of kombatants, called the Kombat Kids by the fans. You got Cassie Cage the mc, Jaqui Briggs, who's basically Jax 2.0, Kung Jin, Lao's cousing who fights with a bow and Takeda, who has whips, bombs and a fuckin lightsaber. Anyways other new characters you have are Kotal Kahn who took over the throne, Erron Black who is the Cowboy and D'vorah, a character that absolutely everyone hates because she kills Mileena, who had a civil war with Kotal for the throne. Also Scorpion, now Hanzo Hasashi kills Quan Chi after learning it was him who disguised himself as Bi-Han to kill the Shirai Ryu out of spite I guess? D'vorah betrays Kotal, Almost kills Johnny but does get wrecked by Cassie who does also have the same God killing powers as Johnny, and he uses them to punch Shinnok in the nuts. Raiden puts himself in the Jin Sei Chamber because Shinnok corrupted it. Raiden purifies the Jin Sei and everyone gets a happy ending. Except Shinnok, who gets decapitated by dark Raiden.

Mortal Kombat 11 is a flawed masterpiece, and that flaw is the multiverse bullshit. So basically, Shinnok's mom Kronika who's like the keeper of time, wants to kill the entire universe because it's not balanced (shut the fuck up, ya bitch). Anyways, we got Geras, who can never die because he's a fixed point in time but is mostly known for pounding ass in the next game, Kollector who is the IRS and I hate him, and Centrion who is Shinnok's sister. There's also he Frozen bad bitch from earlier and her name is Frost, who is like Sub Zero minus but she's cyberized like Sektor and Cyrax who are in this game but unplayable (WHY NETHERREALM!). Anyways while remaking the timeline, Kronika accidentally summoned past versions of Liu Kang, Kitana, Kung Lao, Jade (who was dead but I didn't give a shit to introduce her at the start) and also she has maybe done it with Kotal (LITTERALY oc x canon shit) ((Also Jade doesn't kill D'vorah when given the chance, the stupid bitch)), Jax and a past version of Erron Black, even though he's still alive??, and also Shao Kahn with the coolest design of all time. Also Barraka is back, because I forgot to mention the bug bitch killed him too. Anyways, now we're spending the game beating up but rarely killing beloved characters. The cyber Lin Kuei and Frost and old Jax invade their ship that they use to get to Kronika's keep. Young Liu Kang dies, but Raiden fuses with revenant Liu Kang and that turns Liu Kang into a fake Gogeta, aka Fire God Liu Kang (any of this starting to sound like fanfiction?). Anyways they make it to the island where Kronika's keep is and then, everyone but Liu Kang gets Thanos snapped. Liu kills all the leveled up revenants, Glasses Kronika and brings back Raiden to help him rewrite history.

JUST KIDDING RETCONNED FUCK YOOPUUUUU HAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHAJ FUNNEE

uuuuuuugh alright I got two more story modes to do, holy fuck it's okay I can do this shit

The MK11 expansion, Aftermath, brings back Sheeva, who is now queen of the Shokan, the same species as Goro and Kintaro (the fire breathing cat from MK9), Night Wolf, Fujin the wind God and brother of Raiden, and Shanga langa ding dong. Fujin, Night Wolf and Shang were all locked away in a place beyond time until just now somehow (just roll with it okay? Okay). The plot of this story expansion is basically, Liu Kang wants to reset the universe, but he can't because he doesn't have Kronika's crown, which is needed to do the universe reset. So our boy Liu takes the two idiots and Shang into the past. I just now realized, Raiden is the only smart person in this game, because he knows Shang Tsung is planning something devious. Liu maybe knows but plays it off. They go back to previous points in the game to get the crown, revive Sindel who says she was mind controlled but later she says she's evil from the start (holy fuck I want to kill her and then myself). They get a boatsman, Kahron, to take them to the keep. In the process, D'vorah kills the poster boy of the franchise (Dominic I will fucking end your bloodline). Sindel gets Shao Kahn, heals his eyes that were sliced out by Kitana, they kill Liu and Lao, Shang reveals that he wants to reset the timeline (Fujin you stupid) , he Soul sucks Sindel and Shao Kahn, kills Kronika, but before he can do anything with Kronika's Hourglass, Liu Kang breaks in, kicks Shang Tsungs ass and reboots the series one more fucking time, which brings us to...

MORTAL 1 KOMBAT (or Mortal Kombat 1

This game starts with Shang Tsung being a failing snake oil salesman because he can barely survive. Then someone who looks like Kronika comes in and he makes this face

Best game of all time.

Anyway, we're introduced to Kung Lao and baby boy Raiden, who are farmers but also train Martial arts under the belt of Madame Bo, this universes version of Bo Rai Cho and she runs a kitchen, what more could you want with a grandma. Later, the Lin Kuei invade and we get the return of my boy Smoke who now has a Karambit and is voiced by Spiderman. He's Joined by Kuai Liang who is now Scorpion, and Bi-Han Sub Zero, the worst he's ever been i hate him. It's like they took his personality from Mortal Kombat 11 and slapped it over a poor man's imitation. Kung Lao kicks all three of their asses but only because they were pulling their punches. They join Liu who is basically Raiden now, and look for Johnny Cage, who's having a one-sided argument with his wife, and then she leaves and doesn't come back. Then, Kenshi breaks in, wanting Sento, the sword of his family which now lays on displayed on Johnny's wall. They fight, and Johnny beats him effortlessly. Johnny ties him to a chair and interrogates him until Liu Kang, along with Scorpion and Sub Zero walk in, which leads to one of the most iconic moments in the franchise

youtube

They want to untie Kenshi, but Johnny doesn't want that and thinks this is a prank, so he tries to play along but ends up being tossed into a million dollar statue, which triggers him and Johnny starts beating the shit out of Bitch-Han. Liu intervenes before Johnny can do his second fatality on him.they all go to the Wu Shi monk academy, where they train for the Great Tournament between Earthrealm and the realm of Outworld (that's LITTERALY what they call it, I'm not joking). Raiden beats them all using the one move he has, advance Cartwheel kick. Winning, Raiden is chosen to represent Earthrealm. And for winning, Liu Kang gives him a lightning amulet, which gives him lightning powers so he can fairly combat the Outworld fighters. Entering Outworld through a portal created by Liu, they are introduced by Kitana, Mileena and the palace guard, so-called the Umgadi, featuring two returning characters, one of which does nothing and the other was just a barrier. The one's i speak of are Khameleon and Tanya, the first canon lesbian in Mortal Kombat who has a thing going on with Mileena. Li Mei is back and... She's voiced by Kelly Hu. No wonder I forget she's in this game all the time. but along Li Mei, we have Shao Kahn, who is now degraded to General Shao, and his second in command, Reiko. I forgot to mention that Sindel is in this game and for the first time in the series, I don't mind her. She's a sweet, caring mother who is actually a mother to both Kitana and Mileena. Shao is now jobbing more than ever, from losing to a farmer, to being wrecked by queen. After winning the tournament, Liu Kang sends Kung Lao, Johnny and Kenshi to look for Shang Tsung, as it's word that he's somewhere in Outworld. The tremendous trio find a colony of Tarkatans, Outworlders infected by a disease called Tarkat, which deforms and debilitates. Shang Tsung is there and plans to harvest their marrow for a cure for Mileena, who as we find out, she has Tarkat. After a few fights, Kenshi pushes Johnny out of the way, as Mileena has gone feral, took some sais of the table, and stabs Kenshi's eyes out. As this happens Shao and tiny ass Goro walk in and take them to Shang Tsung's true lab, the Flesh Pits where Reptile works for him because Shang says he has his family captive. But as it's revealed, this isn't the case, as Shang already killed them many moons ago. This makes Reptile (aka Syzoth) have anger. They toxic gas the place and we get a Test Your Might to survive. They escape, but as they walk through the Living Forrest, they encounter Ashrah, a demon from the Netherrealm killing demons and almost killing our heroes. Also she says Demons funny. Like... DEE-MUNZ!

Anyways, she joins the party and they search for Quan Chi, who used to be dead, but is now an escaped cole miner and also black. The way Ashrah knows where Quan Chi is because she has a magic sword called the Kriss, and she uses it to purge evil from her soul, by killing other demons. We then find Quan Chi and his jobber squad consisting of Havik who is horribly lame in comparison to his older version and design from Deception, Sareena, Ashrah's so-so sister, Darius, aka Wesley Snipes' Blade with a dash of A-Train from the boys on the side, and the absolute dog shit tier downgrade of all time, Nitara is back, and nothing that made her cool is here. She isn't cool, her design is mid at best, her head looks like an onion, and the one thing that everyone hates about Nitara in this game, is that she's voiced by Megan Fox. Megan, Goddamn, Fox. Her performance is so goddamn awful that people actually prefer Rhonda Rousey's Sonya Blade from MK11. Anyways enough bitching, because Ashrah, with the help of a Reptile kameo beats the jobber squad, but just too late to stop Quan Chi from making a tornado of souls, which he uses to create Ermac, and then does this "who's mans is this" lookin' pose as he says kill them.

In between this and Ashrah vs Quan Chi and Ermac, Johnny thanks Kenshi for saving his life, and gives him Sento, which he uses to assist Ashrah in the clobbering of Quan Chi. Now they return to the streets of Outworld's capital, Sun Do to look for a way back home. They disguise themselves, run into the Umgadi, get away and now it's Li Mei's turn to shine.

I forgot everything that happens in her chapter.

The Lin Kuei infiltrate a palace where Shang Tsung is, but while they are terrible at being stealthy, they aren't in beating Shang and Quan. But In the process, Bi-Han admits he let his and Kuai's father die, just so he can be the Lin Kuei's grandmaster. Smoke waits outside and does nothing till Kuai Liang escapes. And when Bi-Han comes out and leaves a scar on Kuai's face, even then, Smoke does literally nothing. All the characters who had their own parts in the storyline + Mileena (as it's her time to shine). They head to the Fortress where Ermac almost rips off Bi-Han's arms, fight Ermac, but it turns out the soul of Mileena and Kitana's father, Jerrod is inside Ermac...

That came out wrong... Or did it?

Anyways, they break in, Kitana almost fools General Shao and Shang Tsung right before Shang Bang puts on a crown, that awakens the Dragon Kings army and a a fake Sindel kills the queen, but Jerrod, who is still in control of Ermac, takes her soul before it leaves her body, storing Sindel as a part of Mac n' cheese. They head all come to discover that it wasn't Kronika at the intro, but instead was Shang Tsung from another timeline where he won in MK11,

HOW

YOU

FELLOW

KIDS???!!!

Anyways, 11 Shang, who we will now call Titan Shang, has a plan to rewrite Liu Kang's timeline (the one everything else I just talked about in this entry takes place) and bring absolute fucking chaos with his team of evil time lords. Liu Kang, being the reasonable person he is, summons an army of good time lords and they all fight on the same pyramid that Armageddon's ending took place. For the first time in the entire series, you get to pick your own character for the finale. And based on the character you pick, you get a different variants of characters, most commonly fusions of already existing characters. Finally, you beat Shang and Quan, you get a thanks from Liu, and sent to Madame Bo's, where the Earthrealm heroes enjoy food and tea.

*HEAVY BREATHS*

So, that's the entirety of Mortal Kombat. Any questions?

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s0ap-bubbles · 3 months ago

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Mk1 stays pissing me off so I’m gonna violently suggest things Dominik can do better in the future

(Under the cut so anyone who doesn’t wanna read it isn’t subjected to a petty teenager ranting lol)

1. Stop being a pussy and write some gay people properly. No more ancient rules bull crap that makes it impossible for them to be affectionate to each other.

2. I don’t know what the fuck you’re on Dominik, but why are you constantly creating random ass ships that were never hinted at or asked for. If there’s no build up, why should I care???

3. Learn how to use the multiverse concept effectively, cus the way you use it now is absolute dog shit. You’re telling me that every character from every mk game has their own timeline? EXPLORE THAT. Don’t just give me “liu kang but evil” cus we got that with the revenants, expand on what changed depending on the timeline he’s from.

4. Bros never heard of show not tell or something cus why is everything cool happening off screen, including now rain’s redemption??? Are you actually fucking stupid??? you had a whole dlc to expand on the things they talk about in the intro and you chose “hehehe havik universe so crazy look at Mohawks”

5. I get this is a new universe but bro. if you’re using iconic characters, at least respect their fucking origins. I’m aiming this at the absolute shit show that is the new bi-han cus there’s is no way you just made him comically evil and called it a day, then set up a redemption in the dlc, and then just made him a bigger bitch than before. Also the way you pushed kitana aside and reduced her to mileena’s cheerleader/support system was so shit as well. The only reason I bring this up is because kitana was leading a whole rebellion and becoming Kahn in the last game, and now you have her going “sister, please don’t do that… empress, please don’t kill them…” like…

6. I am BEGGING YOU. To stop writing Johnny cage like a mcu character I don’t think I can take it any longer fake laughing at his shitty quips. I love Johnny cage but oh my god he’s just been reduced to “funny reference man” and nothing else. Like there is no way he made a game of thrones reference during a literally deadly attack where multiple people had just been killed.

7. Your references suck, you suck, I hate you. Having characters reference other characters who aren’t in the game was cool until I realised that that’s all it is. A reference. These characters aren’t going to be in the game as dlc or anything going by the OBSCENE amount of guest characters, so who gives a fuck.

8. I’m just being petty now but Jesus Christ I hate how you wrote the new era. It’s a cool ass concept, but the way you wrote it was so shit, that I can’t even defend it atp. Change is a natural and necessary thing, but if this is your second time rebooting your franchise NRS and people STILL get mad over the story, I think it’s time to really look at what made the franchise special, and not try to replicate it, but put your own spin on it, make something new that still connects with your fans.

9. RESIGN. PLEASE.

#mortal kombat #rant post #mortal kombat 1 #mk1 khaos reigns #mk1

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kuroneko1815 · 1 year ago

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The maze scene but make it silly and with innuendos

Because I always make fun of Callisto being the one to instigate the silly, I want Penelope to do it this time. This came about after re-reading that scene when they first meet and I thought… what could she say differently that was just so silly. With help from @eloise175, also… we really shouldn’t be left alone together.

Callisto holding a sword to Penelope’s throat looking menacing and mocking: Why do you love me? Go on, tell me why you fell in love with me?

Penelope: Because you’re shiny!

Callisto freezes in shock: Shiny? (He’s been called many things, most of them weren’t good but never shiny!)

Penelope thinking back to her reputation: I like shiny things and your hair looks like spun gold and your eyes look like rubies.

Callisto: ??? (Just stares at her, sword steady and level as he tries to process what happened.)

Penelope internally: Oh thank god, I can escape now. (Tries to back away subtly but is foiled.)

Callisto: What else?

Penelope thinks back to all the stereotypical western teenagers and in Korea from her world and time, all those things she studied to fit in with her new classmates at university: You’re hot.

Callisto: I’m what?

Penelope: You have a handsome face and probably a fine body under those clothes from all the training you do. It makes me drool just thinking about it and I want jump you. (Penelope in her mind: maybe I should just die, it would be better if he killed me now.)

Callisto: … (Callisto.exe has crashed; please reboot)

Callisto tries to save face: It seems more like you’re in lust with me, rather than in love.

Penelope: Is there a difference right now? I haven’t talked to you, and I’ve only seen you in passing. Love and lust are the same right now.

Penelope: Also, your voice is fine and smooth like butter.

Callisto: I don’t understand?

Penelope: It means I like your voice, it’s nice and seductive. (Penelope eyes possible exists and just keeps saying things without thinking them through.)

Penelope: You’re such a babygirl

Callisto: Did you just call me a babygirl? (Now he does feel some indignation)

Penelope: Yes I did, you know, you’re so good looking I just wanna take care of you. You’re so scrunkly.

Callisto: What does that even mean? I think you’re just making up words.

Penelope: Scrunkly, an animal or creature that’s weird or unorthodox but still so cute.

Callisto: Did you just… just call me an animal?

Penelope: Well, if you’re an animal, I think mating season has come. (Penelope is dead, very dead. She can feel her soul leaving her body with each word she says and yet she can’t stop. Still, she’s resorted to dropping innuendos in hopes that he’d be so weirded out that he’d walk away without killing her.)

Callisto is shook. He knows the adopted daughter of Eckhart was crazy but not this crazy or wanton… and yet… it was appealing and exciting.

Penelope gestures to his pants: Well, I don’t much care for the sword at my neck, but you can definitely pierce me with the one down there any time. Think of me like something to conquer. (Abort, abort, abort. She thinks desperately. Shut up.)

Despite her wishes, her mouth keeps moving, and not towards rationality, it just prolongs her torture. Death by beheading wasn’t so bad, at least she’d stop talking.

Penelope: If someone asked me what I wanted for dinner, it’s you. I’m so hungry, I want a taste.

Callisto eyes her in shock. These were not words that should be coming out of a Lady’s mouth, he didn’t think he’d ever heard phrases come out of anyone’s mouth before. It was bawdy without actually being too vulgar. He wants to be offended, he really does, but…

Penelope: Please? I’m thirsty, can I have a sip? Just a sip, please? I promise I don’t bite… much. (Penelope internally: Can I turn on that damned game system now? Please?)

Penelope: If we got stuck in a closet, one of us would be walking out pregnant, and it wouldn’t be me.

Eventually, Callisto lets her go, too surprised and shook to actually process everything, especially the last part because that wasn’t possible at all, unless she was a powerful mage. And Penelope leaves no worse for wear, except her dignity, that died a traitor’s death.

BONUS: The Cave Scene: Or Callisto gives his rebuttals because you can damn well know that he’s not letting this go and it’ll live rent free in his mind. And she’s avoided him when he tried to press her for more coherent answers, had even neglected to reply to him.

Penelope waking up in the cave: GAHH!!! Why are you naked? (Covers her eyes)

Callisto: Why are you covering you’re eyes? You wanted to see what was under my clothes anyway, and I hope it doesn’t disappoint. You certainly didn't.

Penelope: You… you shameless pervert.

Callisto: Oh? I'm the pervert now? What happened to the audacious woman who kept saying such filthy things to me to seduce me?

Penelope stares at him with a look of disbelief.

Callisto: Oh? How could you be so cold to me? Aren’t I scrunkly? Aren’t I your babygirl?

Penelope: … I'm going back to sleep.

Penelope can't actually sleep and keeps having flashbacks to it, Callisto hugs her, and tells her the story. And the conversation proceeds the same. Except instead of asking her what she liked about him…

Callisto: So, is your assessment correct, Princess?

Penelope: What?

Callisto: Is my body as 'fine' as you thought? Am I really that hot?

Penelope without thinking: Yes (Realizes what she said and blushes and buries her face into his chest and then almost dies of embarrassment when she realizes what she just did)

Callisto: It certainly seems like it based on how you're reacting.

Penelope: …

Callisto: My sword is ready for the piercing and the conquests.

Penelope bites her lips unable to say anything because he’s responding to everything she’s saying. She realized he’s pulled the ultimate reverse uno on her, and weeks after the fact too.

Callisto: Are you hungry? We can have a small snack if you want. But why stop at a sip and a taste? Let’s make this into a full meal!

Penelope: …

Callisto: Perhaps my voice alone can get you ready, we’d need to mop up after we’ve spilled our drinks.

Penelope admits to herself that he does have an amazing voice. But she’s still refusing the temptation. She wants to live thank you very much.

Callisto: We’re both still overdressed it seems. We really need to read the invitations carefully. This cave has a zero clothing policy.

Penelope tries to shut him up, when he stops her from slapping him, she kisses him which was the wrong move, or maybe it was the right one? Because it eventually devolved.

Callisto when they finally stopped: Respectfully, Emperor Claudius himself couldn’t pull me out of you. (Callisto thinks of his famous ancestor, an accomplished general, who had a story about a sword in a stone who won the throne over his half brother.)

In the aftermath, Penelope would wake up in a tangle of limbs, naked, and very well ‘conquered’ by the Crown Prince. She also gets to live, survives the game and all. And… exactly nine months after that night, a little dragon like girl was born to them. They named her Judith.

But Callisto, the new Emperor had one last thing to say to his wife as they hold their new born later not even minutes after she’s handed to them: Well, it wasn’t exactly locked in a closet, but I wasn’t the one who walked out of there pregnant.

Penelope smiles sweetly at him, motions for him to come closer so she can kiss him. He leans forward eagerly, closes his eyes. Penelope taking advantage of it, shifts Judith in one hand and slaps him hard.

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onskepa · 7 days ago

Note

Also most forgot you asked me to make this a request!

Lu'tsunwi idea!

Lu'tsunwi with a human in a queerplatonic relationship!

Okay! I remember a certain headcanon one shot you made with Tonowari once! And I loved that!... what about a human who is almost like... sleepy spoken, their very kind and adore animals and plants. Maybe they get incredibly lost and distracted easily? For example:

"Oh my... I wasn't expecting this.."

"Oooohh, what's that- opp... I'm being carried again... guess a quick air nap won't hurt.~"

Lu'tsunwi is gonna have multiple heart attacks but God if he doesn't adore his human friend to bits. I can even see a scene where the human just... nonchalantly gives him cheek kisses out of nowhere out of affection and his brain is just on... rebooting mode!

I dunno... I think it be a cute dynamic!

Its been a hot minute since syawn got a new chapter. So here we go! Hope you all like this one!

Syawn series

-----------------

Syawn: Yare'o

Lu’law is loud and rambunctious, Lu’lafyon is loud and bold.

Li’tstunwi?

Loud and over stressed.

But not for his siblings, more than half of the time he is also part of whatever bullshit they get themselves into. If anything, Lu’tstunwi would most likely laugh at his siblings' stunts or make fun of them.

So why over stressed? Well that is reserved for one person, and one person only.

*CRASH!!*

“YARE’O!”

“Hahaha….oops…”

His childhood friend, the world record breaking clumsy, dutsy girl, Yare’o.

Yare’o by all means is a sweet, caring and very laid back girl. Part of the second generation humans live permanently in pandora. You think that living in a planet where anything and everything can kill you, humans would be constantly worried and be extra careful, to make sure they live another day.

Yare’o on the other hand literally lets fate decide where she goes.

Which is nice and all. But its an absolute nightmare to poor lu’tstunwi who cares for her overall well being.

“Its not that bad, dont worry about it” yare’o dismisses with a goofy smile.

Lu’tstunwi held in his internal screams, “not that bad?! My sister at heart, you WERE BEING CARRIED BY A THANATOR IN ITS MOUTH!”

His dearest friend merely shrugged.

“And? It got curious of me, and you know what? He looked so cute and cuddly”

Oh dear eywa, may she take him now.

Lu’tstunwi sighs tiredly, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Thats it, from here until I say so, you are grounded! You are to not leave this human base until you learn your lesson! And to make sure of it, Im putting you right here!” he declares as he puts yare’o on a rubbery platform.

Yare’o weight was light compared to na’vi strength, so it was easy for lu’tstunwi to carried her anywhere.

“Learn my lesson? Lu, it just happens ya know? Just go with the flooooow~”

Not buying it, lu’tstunwi turns around to look for tape, but as he does he fails to notice a green blinking light.

“And to be extra sure, I'm taping you to the-where did you go?”

Yare’o was gone, and so was the table that he sat her on.

“Waaaaaa~! How fun!” yare’o smiles to herself and claps in glee. She clearly has no idea where she is going but wonders what happens next.

The trails that connected to the table she was sitting on were moving in odd directions. Left, right, right, straight, left.

“Oooooohh!! Hello!” yare’o waves at some stingbats that cling onto the outside windows. She never understood why the humans fear them, they are simply misunderstood creatures.

“YARE’O!!”

Quickly the girl looks up at the windows, she sees lu’tstunwi following her while shooing away the stingbats.

He looks clearly panicked and trying to keep up at the speed of the movements.

“Its going to be ok! I'm going to get you out!” he shouts as he quickly runs to reach the end of the trail.

“Take your time!” yare’o shouts back.

“Hm, getting a bit hungry though, teylu roasts with nuts and yerik kebabs sounds good right about now…”

Norm was getting too damn old for this, and his hairs are already grey and thinned out. He does not need another anxiety inducing problem. Too bad yare’o exists.

“In my defense grandpappy, he put me there” yare’o was quick to point fingers at her dear friend.

Lu’tstunwi stood stunned, while, yes it technically is true he put her on the moving table, “but I didn't know it was still operating!” He defended himself.

Norm rolled his eyes, “its barely the afternoon, please go outside or something” he pleaded.

Yare’o was all too happy to leave, wanting to enjoy some fresh air-oop there she goes.

“YARE’O!!!” norm and lu’tstunwi shouts as they just witnessed the girl be taken from a wild ikran.

The winds were delightful in the afternoon. Perfect time to ride ikrans. And so that is what lu’lafyon and lu’law along with their mother and uncle lo’ak did.

“Alright one more time!” lo’ak shouts, lu’lafyon nodding.

They align their ikrans parallel to each other, very carefully they support each other to stand up. To make it look like they are wind surfing.

“BE CAREFUL!” syawn shouts worryingly.

“DO A FLIP!!” lu’law encourages.

Lo’ak and lu’lafyon almost had it until a wild ikran was flying above them. While holding something in its claws.

It was yare’o hanging upside down while smiling down at them.

“How’s it hanging?” she said so calmly.

The four stared at her shocked.

“Do you need help?” lo’ak asks, quickly recognizing her as his other nephew's friend. Yare’o shook her head.

“Nope, I'm fine. Tell lu’tstunwi I will be home late!” she shouts before the wild ikran takes a turn.

Li’law and syawn were dumbfounded at what they just saw.

“You guys saw that too, right?” lo’ak asks, hoping he wasn't hallucinating. Everyone saw. How to even process it was another thing entirely.

The ikran flew for awhile before it hit some branches, making it let go of yare’o. She falls down to a nice patch of moss, softening her blow.

“Well, that was fuuuuuun~”

Calming her hair down after being blown for a long time, she makes her way around the forest. Not bothering with how far she is to the village or how long it will take.

“Oooh, pretty flowers-oh wait, what a cute bug-is that a banshee’s tail???”

So many things have captured her wonder and attention, its hard to keep track at all.

“So you saw her, and it didn't cross your mind TO HELP HER!?” lu’tstunwi scolded his siblings as his voice cracked a bit. He has been searching all over for her, only to be given some information by his oh so helpful siblings, of where yare’o went.

Lu’law and lu’layfon shared a look, their eyes hinting a bit of regret.

“She said she was fine” lu’law said.

“And that she would be back late” lu’lafyon answered.

Lu’tstunwi only groaned in frustration.

The other two looked at him in great surprise. He should get used to how wild and easily distracted his dear friend is. Yare’o lets life take her wherever it chooses. Yes there has been plenty of close calls but never anything that is certain death.

“Maybe just wait…? Trust in her bro, she will come back in some form or another” lu’lafyon tries to calm his brother.

Lu’law nods, “yeah, if she says she is coming back late, then she is coming back late. You can scold her then”

Lu’tstunwi wants to argue back but he knew they have a point. Only if that was easy.

“Oh my that was a good dinner” yare’o huffs out with her tummy full. She arrives at the village in great timing. It wasnt so late, she can see a few na’vi still walking about. No doubt she missed dinner time but she didnt walk all this way on an empty stomach either.

“Now to head ho-”

“YARE’O!”

There he is.

“Aaah, lu’tstunwi, guess what, I saw-”

“Share it later! I am very upset with you!” lu’tstunwi interrupted her with his anger still visible.

“Lu, if you continue to stress like that, you will start to age faster than your siblings” she points out.

“Stress isnt good for you, try to relaaaaaaaaaax~”

Lu’tstunwi wasnt going to relax.

“Relax?! How!? Im always worried whats happening to you, if you are ok, or if you are in any form of danger! And you let stuff happen! ‘Go with the flow’ my ass! Am I the only one that cares for your well being! Because its starting to look li-”

In the midst of his rant, he felt warm lips on his hand, he looks down to see yare’o pull away from her soft kiss. She looks up at him and smiles.

“You are so tall I cant reach your cheeks” was her reason.

Lu’tstunwi lightly blushed and looked away.

“Let's get you home, and I'm asking norm to put a tracking device on you” he grabs his friends small hand and leads her to the human base.

“Okaaaaaaay~ Hey, wanna stay overnight? I like sleeping on your chest” yare’o asks while looks at the pretty atokirina flying over her.

“Of course! Have to make sure you are not taken in your sleep” lu’tstunwi replies.

Yare’o doesn't doubt that.

Aaaaaaaaaand that is it for this one! I hope you all enjoyed it! What do you guys think of yare'o? leme know your thoughts! Until next time! see ya!

Ya = air

re'o = head

Liking this story? click here to put your name in the tag list!

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Taglist:

@quirkyhero @mochacoffeeumai26 @theunfortunateplace @moonchildxoxx @galactict3a @cloudyw1ndzz @ikeyniofthetayrangi @skittlebum @thehoneymushroomhealer @sereneselene2-2

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championari · 1 year ago

Text

Alright. I said I would write this and I’m gonna stay true to my word.

I’ve been seeing a lot of takes since The Giggle has come out questioning the potency of 14’s ending. People have been citing multiple different times during the reboot era where the Doctor has “settled down” somewhere, from Darillium, the university in S10, to even Trenzalore. However, I think all of these comparisons are apples to oranges, completely missing the details of each instance and how The Giggle’s ending rebukes all of them.

So, because I cannot leave an inaccurate take alone, I’m going through every single one of these instances and explain why 14’s ending is different from them, in chronological order.

I’m gonna start with a weird one: S7EP4, The Power of Three. Because it provides a good example of all the things we’re going to be talking about.

Prior to this episode, long time fans already had a good idea that the Doctor…does not do well in monotonous environments, a truth that is consistent across multiple incarnations.

“I don’t do families.”

“Street corner, two in the morning, getting a taxi home. I’ve never had a life like that.”

“Here you are, Living a life, day after day. The one adventure I could never have.”

“Christmas dinner.” “I don’t do that sort of thing.”

“Oh god I had a terrible nightmare about you two!” [Talking about Amy and Rory having a normal life in Leadworth]

The entirety of The Lodger

“There’s a bigger, scarier adventure waiting for you in there.”

The Power of Three, spells this truth out in bold, montage style marker pen. The Doctor “needs to be busy”. Why, as Amy later asks?

Personally I think this answer varies slightly between regenerations, based on experiences and losses each face goes through. 9 couldn’t imagine a life of peace coming out of a war, a war that he had a major hand in. 10 continues that idea, with the added baggage of losing Rose. 11’s reasoning is a bit subtler: he says to Amy that he is running to things before they go, as if he now understands how short beautiful things last. He’s going from one thing to the next in avoidance of staying to watch things die.

“And what’s the alternative? Me standing over your grave?”

This doesn’t change by the end of the episode. The Doctor explicitly tells the Ponds that he’s only staying to watch the cubes, and once the threat is gone, he’s already out the door. He only stops because of a potential threat, an idea we will return to in the next example. He even accepts the idea of Amy and Rory wanting to stay behind: “things to do. Worlds to save. Swings to swing on. Look, I know. You both have lives here. beautiful, messy lives. That is what makes you so fabulously human. You don’t want to give them up. I understand.” The Doctor is saying, ‘I know you have lives here, and that I can’t always be a part of that. And that’s ok.’

This episode in my opinion is a perfect microcosm of The Doctor regarding this topic, spelling out explicitly why The Doctor can't ever settle down. The Doctor needs to have something to run to because they don't feel secure enough in any place to not allow their altruism outweigh their need to process their trauma. The only thing that could motivate the Doctor to stop, even just for a second, is the promise that their friend(s) will be there too. The next example is the worst-case scenario of this issue.

Trenzalore is an interesting case. When I first heard of it being counted, I immediately shut it down, because Trenzalore was a literal war zone (wars are obviously not a good place for mental health time). But in doing research, there is actually way more baggage contained in this period making it unsuitable for this argument than just that fact.

Trenzalore was set up to be the Doctor’s final resting place, where they would truly die. It wasn’t the first time a death prophecy had surrounded the Time Lord, and once again, just as with The End of Time, the thing that kills them is, what Davros would later call The Doctor's “greatest indulgence”: compassion. Tasha Leem warns 11 that she will burn the planet upon the possibility of the Time Lords returning, a warning the Doctor takes extremely seriously.

“This planet is protected.”

“Christmas has a new sheriff.”

For 300 years, 11 stayed true to his word. He fought long and hard, for the townspeople and his own. He was celebrated and was loved. But Clara returning with the TARDIS revealed how he really felt about all of it.

“Everyone gets stuck somewhere eventually.”

“But you didn’t have your TARDIS.” “Well, that made it easier to stay.”

There’s an unspoken sentiment in these words, echoing 11's philosophy in Power of Three: the Doctor will always want to leave, in this case, to understandably avoid his prophesied death. But he doesn’t, because “Every life I save is a victory”. Their compulsion to help, their innate capacity to help those in need. So often it’s been their greatest strength, but here it’s framed as destructive selflessness. 11 has become so wholly committed to helping others before himself that he’s willing to accept his own death.

Clara correctly calls this out: “What about your life? Just for once, After all this time, have you not earned the right to think about that?” The Doctor didn’t stay on Trenzalore for himself, he stayed for everyone besides himself. It’s only because Clara gave the Time Lords a proper verbal smackdown that the Doctor managed to survive. Had they not intervened, The Doctor would've suffered and died, once again to protect them, despite already saving them from annihilation in the previous episode, Day of The Doctor. Trenzalore wasn't The Doctor stopping, it was a century-long effort to keep satiating the bottomless survivor's guilt they still carried from The Time War.

Darillium is yet another case of looking like a time the Doctor settled down somewhere on the surface. But the details don’t match that conclusion. The entire thesis of 12 and River’s final conversation was about the fleeting nature of their situation.

“Times end, River, because they have to. Because there’s no such thing as happily ever after. It’s just a lie we tell ourselves because the truth is so hard.”

The Doctor says this, cries at hearing the Singing Towers, despite already knowing they have 24 years in a night. Because he knows it can’t last. There’s already a deadline on their moment of peace before it’s begun. Eventually River must go to The Library.

The final quote of the episode punctuates this: “And they lived happily ever after.” Fading away until “happily” remains. Because they didn’t have their “ever after” and they didn’t “live”, because a person can’t entirely experience life to the fullest with a clock hanging over their head.

While they got their moment of happiness, it was only a moment. 24 years is just a blink of an eye for a Time Lord, and sure enough, we see by the end of “The Return of Doctor Mysterio”, the next chronological episode, 12 is ready to leap back into the fray. Still the same overall Doctor he was before.

The University is an extension of this. We find out that the only reason he has stayed is to guard Missy in the vault. When 12 tries to mindwipe Bill (an eerie parallel to both Donna and Clara), he directly says: “I have no choice, I’m in disguise. I have promises to keep.” Just like with Trenzalore, The Doctor’s altruism has trapped him somewhere he doesn’t actually want to be. The second he hesitates, he immediately runs after Bill, inviting her into the TARDIS and sneaks off to the universe behind Nardole’s back.

So, now that we’ve gone through each past instance, what’s the connection? What’s the key issue(s) that prevented the Doctor from permanently stopping in any of these cases?

The (fear of) loss of their friends, and the Doctor’s own self-loathing. Either out of fear of the march of time, or the chains that their altruistic nature binds them to, The Doctor always runs away from the picket fence life.

Now, let’s look at 14 and how this ending departs from all other examples.

Wild Blue Yonder and The Giggle more prominently explains 14’s origins as a coping mechanism. The reason why 10’s face came back was to retreat to an incarnation that didn’t invoke the loss of The Ponds, Clara, and Bill. The second destruction of Gallifrey and the reveal of The Timeless Child. The Doctor’s avoidance of their trauma has now been made physical, just like how mental stress can often manifest as physical changes or ailments.

“We stand here now, on the edge of creation, a creation that I devastated, so yes I keep running, of course I keep running!! How am I supposed to look back on that?!”

Already this is a departure from the instances we’ve discussed, because by the very nature of having 10’s face again, it’s forcing the Doctor to ask why.

“It’s like I'm trying to tell myself something. Like I’m trying to make a point.”

But 14 chooses not to answer it, because answering it means accepting the truth: it’s too much. The trauma can’t be avoided anymore, because The Doctor would always be reminded of what they’re trying to avoid by looking in a reflection. 14 telling Shirley, “I don’t know who I am anymore.” Then asking Donna, “what am I? What am I now?” It’s not because he’s been given a blank slate and doesn’t know what to do with it, like other regeneration stories. In trying to run away again, to bury the trauma and pain, The Doctor has made it more visible than ever, and doesn’t know what to do with that.

Ironically, the Toymaker causing the bi-generation was the greatest gift he could’ve given the Doctor, because 15 was exactly who 14 needed to see. He’s happy, energetic, full of life and wonder, but also empathetic, understanding and open. He’s the only other person in the entire universe who The Doctor will listen to (well, one person, we’ll get to the other later), because he knows all of the trauma they went through, and yet, made it through ok.

“But you’re fine.”

“I’m fine, because you fix yourself.”

15 is leading by example, their own ‘ghost of Christmas future’ but positive. 14 now has an ideal self to strive towards, a face born from love and empathy. 14 doesn’t have to ground herself out of moral obligation, 15 will now protect the universe.

But that leaves one question: why Donna? Out of all of the people to settle down with, why her? That’s easy: because she gets it.

Donna, out of all of the companions the Doctor traveled with, understood the soul behind the legend, because she recognized someone fundamentally similar to herself. One of Donna’s signature character flaws is her horrendously low self esteem: “I’m nothing special.” no one ever listened to her (thanks Sylvia, for at least cleaning up your act later), so she covered up the silence with noise. She held onto whatever indisputable moments of genius she had to drown out the cacophony of voices shutting her up. Wild Blue Yonder explained this perfectly: Donna believes she is both brilliant and stupid at the same time.

She lives in two contradictory self images at once, and so does The Doctor. The genius and the idiot. The universe’s most fascinating person, and the person who would easily throw away their life for the betterment of others. She’s seen their blinding arrogance/rage (the Racnoss, Jenny) and their crippling self doubt/loneliness, and always met both with empathy and kindness.

“Doctor! You can stop now!”

“Cause sometimes I think you need someone to stop you.”

“It won’t stay like that. She’ll help you. We both will.”

“Is ‘alright’ special Time Lord code for ‘really not alright’ at all?” “Why?” “Cause I’m alright too.”

Donna shouldered the burden of destroying Pompeii, she silently hugged 10 after coming back from Midnight. All because she knew what all of that would feel like in her own life. She didn’t need to know the history of The Doctor and Davros, because she saw her best friend afraid and knew he would want comfort, because she would too.

Even if Dalek Caan manipulated the timelines to get Donna to him, That friendship was completely real to both of them. We saw what Donna was like without the Doctor in Forest of the Dead and Turn Left, and she always felt some level of unhappiness. 15 years removed from them and she still felt as if something was missing. In every future/reality, she always wanted them there. Same for the Doctor too. Within only a few episodes of losing her, 10 started to fall into becoming the “time lord victorious”. 12 looks the way he does because of Donna’s plea to adhere to his name, and save people. Even before 14 came into existence, the Doctor was willing to tell other people how important she was to them, on account of River recognizing Donna by her name: “you’re Donna, Donna Noble.”

Donna didn’t just travel with the Doctor and she wasn’t just friends with them. She completely understood them, their soulmate. Two halves of a greater whole, The DoctorDonna. 14 stayed because there was a more stable incarnation to take his place, and because his best friend would be there alongside him, helping and supporting him through and through. The Doctor stayed because, for the first time in their life, they felt safe. In where they would be staying, and what they would be leaving behind.

That's why 15 doubling the TARDIS was so significant. In giving 14 her own TARDIS, 15 is allowing his younger self to have what they always removed from the equation: free will. The Doctor can still go anywhere they want, which makes them even more motivated to stay and fix themself. 14 can feel safe staying with Donna, Wilf, Mel, Rose, Shaun, and Sylvia because the option to travel is still there.

And the truly amazing part of all of this is that the TARDIS knew it from the beginning. Was it a coincidence that very soon after 13 regenerated into 14, the TARDIS landed close to where Donna and Rose would be shopping?

“You didn’t always take me where I wanted to go.” “No, but I always took you where you needed to go.”

The TARDIS brought the Doctor home, and this time, they stayed. Because it was a place where they wanted and needed to be.

#doctor who #doctor who spoilers #fourteenth doctor #donna noble #dw meta #dw spoilers #doctor who meta #meta writing

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incorrectsmashbrosquotes · 5 months ago

Text

Duke Poolem and Doomguy: Road Trip

ALERT! SPOILERS FOR DEADPOOL AND WOLVERINE! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

(After Galeem’s attack, the Doom Slayer has reluctantly teamed up with Duke Nukem under the impression that Master Hand can reverse the damage the demons have done to his world. After a long series of events, the duo have found themselves driving through a devastated forest, Doomguy in the driver’s seat)

Duke: (doing finger guns out of sheer boredom) Pew pew pew, boom, pew…

Doomguy: Stop that.

(Duke stops, but it only keeps him quiet for a few seconds)

Duke: So, where’d the armor?

Doomguy: Oh, Christ…

Duke: Did the Night Sentinels make you wear it? They are not your friends, I’ll tell you that much. Friends do not let other friends leave the house looking like an edgy-reboot LEGO astronaut.

Doomguy: Would you stop talking about the fucking suit?

Duke: Okay, geez! I’m just tryin’ to bond a little–

Doomguy: Yeah? Then talk about something else.

Duke: Alright! (sighs) So, if they can fix your world, what’s the first thing you’re gonna do when you get back home? Some rubbing alcohol shots, maybe a wiper fluid chaser?

(Doomguy starts to answer, but then stops, having realized something about Duke’s word choice)

Doomguy: (with a slight snarl) What did you say?

Duke: I said when you get back, what’s the first thing you’re gonna–

Doomguy: Before that.

Duke: (long pause, having realized his mistake) …If they can fix your world– (Doomguy suddenly slams on the breaks) Oh fuck…

Doomguy: What do you mean, IF?!?!

Duke: Look, I didn’t mean–

Doomguy: You lied to me, you don’t have a fucking clue if they can fix things, don’t you?!

(before Duke can respond, Doomguy suddenly stabs him in the thigh with his Doomblade)

Duke: AUGH! FUCK! FUCK! I DIDN’T LIE!

Doomguy: YOU LIED!

Duke: NO! I MADE AN EDUCATED WISH! (enraged by such a stupid justification, Doomguy twists the blade) OW! FUCK! Look, I did it because I need you! (he produces a photograph of his friends, all of whom were turned into Spirits) I don’t know a damn thing about saving worlds. Why would I even care? My whole world is right here in this picture. It’s only nine people and I have no idea how to save it alone. I know how to fuck people up for money, but you! YOU know how to save them!

Doomguy: …Did you just say… you made an educated… fucking… wish?

Duke: Oh, I’m sorry, have we met? They call me “Merc with a Mouth”, not “Truthful Timmy, the Blowjob Queen of Saskatoon”! (Doomguy yanks the blade out of his leg) AUGH!

Doomguy: (absolutely seething) One more word, please. Just one more fucking word.

Duke: …Gubernatorial. (Doomguy raises his fist, Duke flinches in response) EEK!!!

Doomguy: (sighs and lowers his fist) You know something? You’re a fucking joke. No wonder the Smashers didn’t take you, or the All-Stars and they’ll take fucking anybody. I mean, you are a ridiculous, immature, half-wit moron. I have never met a sadder, more attention-starved little prick in my entire life, and that’s saying something because I’ve been alive for over two-hundred fucking years. I’ll tell you, that evil lightbulb was right about one thing, you will never. Save. The world. You couldn’t even save a relationship with a goddamn BAKER. And motherfucker I wish I could say you’ll die alone, but it’s one of GOD’S BEST JOKES that you can’t die! EXCEPT IT’S ON ALL OF US!!!!!

(and then, the impossible happened… Duke was speechless. He just stares at Doomguy, shocked and seeming to have been genuinely hurt)

Doomguy: What, you got nothing to say to that, mouth?!

Duke: (his face settling into a determined and rage-filled glare) I’m gonna fight you now.

Doomguy: (laughs derisively) Oh, are you–

(Duke suddenly punches him in the face hard enough to cause a nosebleed. Doomguy stares at him, genuinely shocked for a few seconds, before roaring and responding in kind. The resulting fight, taking place entirely in the car mind you, lasted an entire night. By the time the Smashers found them, both of them were unconscious, except Duke was tied up with the car’s seatbelts)

#incorrect quotes #smash bros #submission #incorrect super smash bros #super smash bros #incorrect super smash bros quotes #Doomguy #duke Nukem #Doom #Doom Eternal #source: Deadpool and Wolverine #Deadpool #Wolverine

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libraford · 1 year ago

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The good news is that he found a different job and next week is his last week and I only have to work with him 2 more times and only one of those times will I be alone.

Tech talk and rant below.

But in my opinion, we should have fired him earlier on because two weeks into the season he was unclear of what any of the equipment apart from the camera actually did.

The camera takes the picture.

The lights light the subject.

The computer matches the subject to the picture.

The transmitter connects the camera to the lights wirelessly, so that when you take the picture the lights flash automatically.

The sync cord connects the camera to the computer so that the image is displayed on the screen.

The skyport connects the lights to the computer so that they automatically adjust.

Its just all the electronics going through a circular systems check to make sure they are firing properly and matching it up against our white balance test. I know it sounds complicated, but its literally just a circle.

I understand that this can be complicated for someone who is used to 'click button, get picture.' But having the same problems over and over again because he doesn't understand the proper procedure and doesn't look at the checklist that he swears he never received even though I gave him my laminated copy and having to fix all of the problems that are literally because he didn't respect me enough to listen when I explained it to him cuts into the time that could be spent getting ready.

Now we are a month and a half in and on Tuesday he asked me what the skyport does.

If your skyport fails, you have to adjust your lights manually.

Therefore... skyport makes the computer talk to your lights.

And every time something fails, he says 'this would be so much easier without computers' and I'm like. Fine. Okay? Try to match 900 student names to photos without a computerized indexing system. Try getting the light to be consistent without a startup exposure test.

No sense of troubleshooting, which isn't very difficult. If something isn't right, restart the computer and try again. If you get a repeat of the problem, call Freddie from IT. But usually, a reboot fixes most problems.

But then he started breaking the rules, and in a very intentional way. Like at first it was 'oh I didn't know I wasn't supposed to show them the photo' even though we went over this in training. Then it was 'well, I'm not supposed to show you the photo but if you come back here while I'm adjusting my lights I can't stop you.'

At first it was 'hey, Jay, remember what Freddie said about the no-touch policy during training? I know you want to make the kids like you, but its very unprofessional to ask them for a high five, especially since these schools are very strict about their own no-touch policies and also did we not just go through a wholeass pandemic?'

And now students are complaining about him physically adjusting their posture with his hands.

Like... I don't mind bending the rules a little. But before you can bend the rules, you have to understand why the rules are there, so that when they are bent there is a good reason. The rule about showing photos is there to make workflow consistent. The no touch rule is for the safety of ourselves and the students.

But breaking the rules constantly just out of disrespect means that I can't bend them myself. I have to be a hardass. I hate being a hardass. But if I'm not a hardass and someone tells me that he's violating our no-touch policy, the company gets in deep trouble.

Not that he'll ever... ever follow my advice on the subject because as previously mentioned- he respects no one here. He has 15 years experience as a photographer and is too good for this place. Why would he listen to someone under 40 with three years experience dealing with schools?

His pictures aren't even very good. They're average.

Just two more jobs with him and then he's off to do something else and gods I hope he's better at that than he is a school photographer.

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colekinnie-4life · 4 months ago

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Ranking Ninjago Seasons Pt 1 (F and D Tier)

Part 2…

Yeah, I’m doing this.

Why? I’m bored as shit and also I just reread a post that was ranking Ninjago seasons, so why not?

And the title of “Worst Ninjago Season in my Opinion” goes to….

Rebooted!

I hate this season.

It’s. So. Fucking. Boring.

Barely anything happens at all! In the 8 episode runtime, which makes this the second shortest Ninjago season from the Wilfilm era.

Ok first, positives.

Pixane is cute and Zane’s sacrifice was done excellently. His character is also made a bit better, which I appreciate.

Uh- we get 3 minutes of Lava interactions.

Welp time for my negatives!

This season takes forever to go anywhere, like I said. Then once they deal with the Overlord in the Digiverse, erm actually that did jack shit and he’s still alive by the way! Pythor just ate him!

(Now that I’m typing this out I sound crazy)

Lloyd and Garmadon’s story is done decently, sure, but Lloyd is a complete egotistical moron throughout the whole thing.

“Oh I’m the Golden Ninja I can do anything! I’m God himself!”

Sure he had the powers of God and he “destroyed” the Overlord in season 2, which kinda justifies his behavior, but he’s so annoying and unbearable to watch.

Sensei Garmadon is good. Nothing else to say about that plot line.

Time for the worse plot line, aka the stuff the main ninja are doing.

Honestly I barely remember what they were trying to do because of how forgettable this season is. I’m pretty sure that they’re just screwing around trying to get the Overlord out of the computers and keeping Lloyd away from him, but that’s all I remember besides…

THE LOVE TRIANGLE.

OH MY JOHN SPINJITZU.

I DESPISE THIS PLOTLINE WITH EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING.

THIS. THIS IS THE MAIN REASON I HATE REBOOTED.

It ruins Nya’s character, makes Jay unlikeable for this season, season 4 and the beginning of season 6, and Cole- I mean Cole’s not all that innocent but he’s just kinda standing in the middle of all this. His character doesn’t go through the meatgrinder of character assassination.

Nya’s whole character in the past 2 seasons was being an independent girlboss who did whatever the fuck she wanted.

But the second that a computer AI tells her “you should like Cole instead of Jay!”, she decides that “I’m gonna listen to a computer despite the fact I’ve been dating Jay for 2 seasons now!”

She and Cole have no chemistry whatsoever. In season 1, Cole said he wished he had a sister like her, clearly only seeing her as a friend.

Luckily in canon he was just confused by all the attention and didn’t actually like her. But still, the whole “don’t tell Jay” thing makes me mad, and Cole rarely makes me mad.

Jay, oh my gosh.

He’s not as bad as Nya but he’s still thrown into the meatgrinder of character assassination.

The second that Pixal says that Nya’s perfect match is Cole, he immediately pins the blame on him and tackles him to the ground for no reason. Cole was only fighting back for self defense.

As Tom Critic put it:

“WHY IS THIS COLE’S FAULT?!!”

He and Cole’s beef is so dumb. And Nya ain’t making it any better.

“This macho stuff is making you both look like fools!”

EVEN THOUGH ITS YOUR FAULT THEY’RE FIGHTING IN THE FIRST PLACE BECAUSE YOU LISTENED TO A FUCKING COMPUTER YOU BITCH-

*ahem ahem*

What else is there to hate about this plot line?

How about the fact that it goes absolutely nowhere? There was no point for adding this. Absolutely no reason besides the fact that Jay, Cole, and Nya don’t get anything to do this season.

EVEN THOUGH KAI DOESNT GET ANYTHING EITHER!

He’s shown to hate futuristic technology and that’s literally the only thing he gets this season! So what’s the point of the love triangle to get them to do something?

Oh yeah! There is no point!

Back to Kai. All he gets to do is flirt with a random girl at a gas station and get tied to a rocket.

Oh yeah he got tied to a rocket ship. That doesn't sound traumatizing whatsoever/sarc.

Waking up after being knocked out for who knows how long and finding out you're tied up underneath a rocket ship that could set off at any time, burning you to a crisp in one big firey explosion.

That totally wouldn't scar you for life.

Ok back to a positive, aka Zane's sacrifice.

Some people say the saddest part of Zane's death was the fact that Nya gave Cole a hug afterwards and Jay looks sad, but that's not the saddest part to me.

The saddest part was right before he died, when everyone is crying out at him to stop.

More specifically, when Kai cries out:

"LET GO OF HIM ZANE! WHAT IS HE DOING?!"

The way that Vincent Tong voiced that scene literally brings tears to my eyes and shivers down my spine every time. He poured so much energy into that oh my gosh.

Alright, no more complaining about this season before this becomes a 27 page essay. Next!

Crystallized…

WAIT WRONG POSTER-

Ok, there we go!

Yeah, Crystallized sucks in my opinion. Bite me.

I’m not like Crusty783 where I hate this season with every fiber of my being, but I still don’t like it that much.

First part was decent, ig. The Skybound callback with the whole fugitive storyline was a nice idea, and the ninja actually committing a crime instead of being framed was cool.

Nya could’ve come back a little later than 6 episodes after turning into water, but oh well. At least she’ll add something to the plot later, right?

…right?

(We’ll get back to that…)

Fugidove is the bane of my existence. He’s. So. Annoying. Just. Shut. The. Fuck. Up.

I mean he’s supposed to be annoying and I get that but still. He’s a worse character than Dareth and I hate Dareth with all of my being so that shows how bad of a character Fugi-Dick is.

Dareth is fine this season ig. He’s actually not an idiot during the court case and doesn’t try to bust the ninja out of jail using a cake.

What else is there in part 1?

Mr. Kabuki Mask was a neat idea. If he wasn’t Harumi then I’d actually like him. But unfortunately, it was Harumi.

I didn’t like her before she died, what makes you think I’ll like her now, ninjago writers?

Alright, since barely anything happens in part 1, time for part 2.

Oh my gosh this is the main reason I don’t like Crystallized.

This season is the embodiment of the meatgrinder of character assassination I talked about. Everyone gets butchered.

Ok not everyone. Kai, Jay, and Cole mostly stay the same. To be fair they don’t really do anything though-

Lloyd is no longer Lloyd. He is La-Lloyd, as Knightly called him after s8 (I don’t see what his problem is with Lloyd in season 8). He has the “Harumi you don’t have to do this”-itus, meanwhile when it comes to Garmadon who is TRYING TO BE A BETTER PERSON AND BECAME A GOOD GUY, he shuts him down because “you’re an Oni, and Oni are incapable of caring”.

(Even though Mystaké existed and she fucking died to save your life but ok La-Lloyd, sure.)

Like he thinks that Harumi, the girl that gave him PTSD for 4 seasons in a row before this, has a better chance of becoming a better person than his father, someone who is clearly becoming a better person and is actually trying to be nice to you now? Puh-lease.

Oh yeah, Harumi!

She got shoved into the character assassination blender before being put into the meat grinder. Her character is 100% ruined because of the Overlord saying she has feelings for La-Lloyd.

*inhale*

NO SHE FUCKING DOESN’T!

THAT WAS THE PART OF HER CHARACTER THAT MADE HER SO GOOD IN SEASONS 8-9! SHE DIDNT GIVE TWO SHITS ABOUT LLOYD SHE WAS JUST USING HIM GAHHHHHHHH-

Alright, who else is there?

Oh yeah, Nya! What’s she up to after being water for a full year?

Absolutely nothing. Like she does jackshit besides be a Samurai X themed taxi.

Yes I stole that line from Crusty783.

Her and Kai, her BROTHER, have one single interaction this whole season after she was gone for a year. The show only focuses on Jaya angst because we need more of that shoved down our throats! Seasons 6, 9, and 14 (Seabound, don’t @ me) weren’t enough, we need MORE!

Zane.

Return of the Ice Emperor makes me want to shove my head into a meatgrinder.

I fucking loathe this episode.

With a title like that, you’d think they’d give him some trauma/PTSD when it comes to the fact that he, y’know, COMMITTED GENOCIDE FOR 60 YEARS??

But no. Zane gets taken apart for the 10485792742874387492749273947482773747374387447th time and he acts like the Ice Emperor because this show treats trauma like a joke most of the time.

The whole “emotionless arc” from part 1 was decent ig. He was pretty funny when he was talking like a toaster, and the moment when he starts screeching when he turns on his emotions for 2 seconds was funny.

The Benefit of Grief was a good episode. Sally was a bit annoying but eh whatever. Dareth didn’t get on my nerves for once and Hot Dog McFiddlesticks or whatever his name was was really entertaining.

Ok, one more point to make about Crystallized, that’s the villain.

Say hello to the Crystal King!

Oh? What’s that? He’s not a new villain? What do you mean-

It’s the fucking Overlord. Again. This is the 3rd time he’s reappeared, just let him die already!

I hate the Overlord. He’s such a nothing burger of a villain. His entire motivation is just “I’m evil and dark so I make everyone else evil and dark.”

I get he’s the embodiment of evil but give him some personality, oh my gosh.

Make it so he likes seeing people in pain. Have him laugh whenever someone got turned into a crystal zombie or something, idk!

That’s how he is in my Golden Hope au. Sure that’s not canon, obviously, but I wanted to give him *some* personality besides “me evil.”

Ok, is there anything about this season that I like besides Benefit of Grief?

Actually, yes!

SAFE HAVEN IS THE BEST EPISODE OF THE ENTIRE SEASON.

LAVA NATION UNITE!!

The whole thing is just Kai being a bisexual disaster. I love it so much.

It gives us this screenshot, which gives enough context tbh:

It’s just “GAH I LOVE THEM SO MUCH” for 11 minutes, and that’s basically it.

The episode gives Skylor some character, hallelujah. Last couple of seasons she’s been in did not do her any justice.

Pythor was funny. And he gave us the scene of:

“Ninja~ where are you?”

“We’re over here!”

So yeah, Safe Haven is the best episode ever. Ok, not the best episode of all time, but it’s definitely a personal favorite of mine, solely for all the Lava brainrot I get to indulge in.

(Fun fact: Cole was originally going to say that Kai was handsome when he was acting all loopy. I hate homophobes.)

What else is there in this season-?

Ronin’s return was nice. Glad he went back to his previous personality rather than being a full time criminal like he was in The Island. I get that he’s like “I do whatever the fuck I want” most of the time, but he doesn’t give off the vibes of using the criminals he’s hired to catch just to swindle a bunch of islanders.

Alright, that’s it for Crystallized.

Next!

Secrets of Forbidden Spinjitzu: Fire Chapter

Yeah I’m considering this a separate season for this tier list. Bite me.

This is the main reason why (mostly) everyone hates season 11, you cannot convince me otherwise.

Nothing. Happens.

The main reasons for why I hate certain Ninjago seasons is because they’re boring/assassinate characters.

The latter doesn’t happen, thank the FSM, but the first point still stands.

Assphera is a dumb villain. Only redeeming quality about her is the joke where she screams “REVENGE” every two seconds in the most ear-splitting voice ever.

Props to her voice actress, RIP.

Anyways, back to the actual season.

Like I said, nothing happens in the beginning. Just 4 or 5 episodes of the ninja dicking around looking for something to do, then they free Assphera from her pyramid and then finally, they start doing shit.

Ok but this line from Lloyd made me laugh:

“Who opens a possibly cursed tomb without checking it out first?”

…you-?

The paperboy episode was- pointless. But it was still dumb fun ig 🤷🏼‍♀️

Snaketastrophe was a really funny episode. I actually like that one.

But that doesn’t mean I like the first couple of episodes.

Too many burp and fart jokes in the first episode, the second episode is just boring, same with all the other episodes about being stuck on a rock with Barney the Dinosaur Beetle.

Kai’s powerless arc was just a repeat of Lloyd’s powerless arc from season 9, but done worse imo.

(I mean Firemaker is one of the best ninjago episodes ever created besides Safe Haven but that’s not important rn)

Overall this half of the season is boring as shit and I just want to get to the ice chapter when ever I watch it.

Alright, that’s it for today!

Here’s the tier list so far:

Next part will be C and B tiers.

See you in 10 years when I make that/j

#ninjago #ninjago fandom #lego ninjago #ninjago au #ninjago cole #ninjago kai #ninjago jay #ninjago zane #ninjago lloyd #ninjago nya #ninjago ranking #ninjago season 3 #ninjago season 15 #ninjago season 11 #ninjago rebooted #ninjago crystalized #ninjago fire chapter

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prongsmydeer · 2 years ago

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Ayesha Liveblogs The Good Place S4

“I know this all seems bleak. And it feels like we’re all doomed, and therefore humanity is doomed.” I love that the scope of their problems change with each season

“With this team, there’s no problem we can’t solve.” “There is no problem we can’t create.” Duality of man (sort of)

“You know what I’m saying.” “Oh, I’m not part of this.” Michael’s not going to take any responsibility for Brent

I took a pause between watching S3 and S4 so I don’t remember Matt from Accounting but I’m assuming he was the guy who filed to be Thanos-snapped because he was Accountant of Weird Sex Stuff

I have never seen Manny Jacinto with such a scowl on his face throughout this show omg, I love the Jealousy Arc:

“I believe everything Chidi ever tells me because of his brain and how he looks like one of those owls that graduated from college.” God what I would give to be flattered by the Jason School of Compliments

“Luckily, before I died, I pumped my face with six vials of juviderm [...] My ex-boyf is gonna be supes jeal.’” I know that John is meant to represent a specific Gossip Influencer personality but it does give me a bit of bone arsenic to watch him speak. Feels hateful LMAO

[Stanley from The Office voice] “That’s not what a hate crime is, Michael.” “Well, I hated it!”

“Are we still boyfriend/not a girlfriend?” Jason is new to relationships but he is trying ❤️

I know Linda the Boring Senior Citizen from Norway could’ve gone any number of directions, but I can’t say I was expecting her to knock four people to the ground and then jump into the sky

LINDA IS CONTINUING HER RAMPAGE IN THE AIR???? GIRL IS THIS ALL BECAUSE ELEANOR CALLED YOU “LINDS”

Update from 30 seconds later: It was the Shirtless Soulmate Gymbro Demon

Tahani did call this one!!

“So you’re saying, wanting to do something isn’t a good reason to immediately do it?” [Proudly] “Yeah.” “Man! I wish someone had taught me this on Earth.” DADDY MIICHAEL TO THE RESCUE AGAIN

The expressions that Janet and Eleanor are leveling at Brent. They are going through it

“That’s what’s wrong with this country.” “What country?” This is truly what talking to people from the US is like LMAO

Ggkjghkjghg Brent thinking he needs to be in a Better Place than the Good Place. Oh my god

However, repeating right here that I just don’t know if I can believe a Good Place even exists, given everything that we’ve seen

“Perhaps leadership isn’t her forte.” A bold take considering Eleanor has only been leading for two days and Michael had to reboot y’all like 800 times

I think Eleanor’s crisis about being in charge is much more warranted than Team Humanity’s meeting about her failures

“You beat me in 3 months. ‘Okay, a fluke,’ I thought. You then beat me 800 more times.” THAT’S WHAT I’M SAYING MICHAEL! AND YEAH THEY DID 😭💗

Michael raises an excellent point about humans with flaws being the ones to understand how best to help other humans with flaws become the best version of themselves

Also. Insane that in this manufactured society where there are Popcorn Rivers and People Can Fly that people are still commenting on how much Eleanor showers??? WHY WOULD PEOPLE NOT CONTINUOUSLY BE IN GOOD PHYSICAL CONDITION ALWAYS IN THE AFTERLIFE?

Brent vouching him being good at keeping secrets by claiming he buried HR complaints (from experience, it doesn’t take much to have an HR that does absolutely fucking nothing to support their employees LOL)

“I’m so sorry to say this, but I can’t be in a relationship with you right now.” JASON TAKING A STEP BACK WHEN JANET MENTIONS HAVING SPACE 😭😭😭 HE IS SUCH A GOOD BOYFRIEND, I HATE THIS

“We have to hope that over time, Brent starts doing good things out of habit.” “Just like you.” KGJHKGJHGKJ I think it’s a bit more than habit, you made the decision to choose being good Eleanor!!!

Honestly I fully believe that Michael had a breakdown on Day 1, he’s been through a lot of stress the past several hundred years

Eleanor introducing Simone as Chidi’s soulmate like she and Chidi haven’t fallen in love (confidently, and without equivocation) hundreds of times ☹️

“I never actually fell in love with someone.” YEAH YOU DID CHIDI!!

“Why not treat them better, just in case they’re real?” Haven’t really talked about it thus far but it’s absolutely BANANAS that Simone’s response to thinking the afterlife isn’t real is to cut off people’s ponytails and push them into pools. Even Jason’s impulses aren’t so directly aimed at people in this way. What happened to ur me vs. us speech, girl!!!

Eleanor and Jason’s sad break-up solidarity high five:

“We need Chidi to live in a world of low-grade dread.” Reintroduce Chidi to capitalism and have him work a minimum wage job

That might be high-grade dread though LMAO

Also I love this drives home that Eleanor specifically is part of what drove him to become a better person!

Fkhfkjfhfjh Eleanor, Michael and Jason planning how to gently torture Chidi while Tahani and Janet plan John’s perfect spa day. Seems like Chidi got the worse end of that stick:

“Would I like to use my time in heaven to audit a philosophy class? Mmm no.” You know what, for the first time: Fair point, John

“There were ants everywhere, but they were so helpful. They carried our wineglasses back and forth, and folded our napkins for us, it was so cute.” Call me a hater but if there were insects in my own personal experience of the afterlife I’d burst into tears

However. Good for the ants, that does sound cute ❤️

HAHAHAH JASON BEING UNLEASHED AS A STRESS BOMB ON CHIDI. THE BEGINNINGS (PART 802) OF A BEAUTIFUL FRIENDSHIP

“While you were gallivanting around with your fancy friends, I lived in the real world, so I had bills to pay. I worked 16 hours a day, by myself, building a site with millions of readers.” John actually does make a reasonable observation to Tahani that there is not a level-playing field when it comes to the morality under capitalism and class division:

“But I am seriously worried that I did something wrong, and this is the universe getting back at me.” CHIDI IS SO NICE, IF ANYONE BELONGS IN THE GOOD PLACE IT’S HIM. HE IS CAUGHT BETWEEN A PROMISE (HELP JASON) AND HIS INTEREST IN BEING HONEST AND GOOD 😭💘

“I made God cry?” I know this is because they view The Good Place as heaven but there’s something about Chidi calling the woman he loves God that just gets me right in the heart 💘💘💘💘💘:

Also Michael gently patting Eleanor’s back. Best Demon Dad!!

In Tahani’s defense of having been miserable and lonely with no real friends, she did make some Best Friends Forever eventually, they were just in the afterlife, and then on Earth

JKHKJHFKJHFFJB THE CUT TO JASON WATCHING THE MOTORCYCLE EXPLODE AND GO “NOT AGAIN!” BETWEEN ALL OF THESE EMOTIONAL SCENES

“I really am sorry for all the posts I wrote about you.” John is able to grow 💗 Good for him

Also I love how Tahani is often the one to demonstrate the moral core of this show to characters outside of the main group, which is that goodness comes, in many ways, from a love of other people

“I’m sorry your motorcycle blew up.” “That’s okay homie, that’s just what motorcycles do.” My parents when I wanted to get a motorcycle license

“Genuine human connection will be his course of study.” GO PROFESSOR TAHANI

“Go get ‘em, Chippy.” Brent constantly saying Chidi’s (two syllable, very familar sounds to English speakers) first name wrong vs. Eleanor saying his last name wrong three seasons ago. Truly Eleanor’s Much More Icky Counterpart

You know, of all the possible spies the Bad Place could send, Glenn is a good choice, he’s got a very passive aura and seems like he could use some friends

The return of Vicky aka Real Eleanor aka Fake Michael and the Michael suit I honestly completely forgot about after my post-S3 break

“Oh, I’m very upset about this development.” Don’t distrust ur Demon Dad. He’s nice!!!

“I’m a 6,000 ft. tall fire squid. I have tentacles. There’s teeth everywhere. I’m on fire, and my neck is long, and there’s a smell, and lots of juice.” Demon Dad is self-conscious about his friends seeing his previous body. ☹️ LET MICHAEL WEAR WHAT FEELS RIGHT

“I won’t just be Michael. I’ll be some disgusting mass of burning tentacles. Do you really want to be friends with something like that?” Michaelllllllll. Something something the mortifying ordeal of being known

Jason comforting Janet after her first accidental murder. I really hope they can find a situation that works for them

“Oh boy, is this really gonna suck.” Michael offering to literally destroy himself for the good of humanity. If this turns out not to be Michael at any point I will be SO UPSET, he is SUCH A GOOD FRIEND AND DEMON AND PERSON (SORT OF)

OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG IT WAS BAD JANET AND JASON KNEW THIS NOT-A-GIRL WAS NOT HIS NOT-GIRL!!!!!

POOR JANET THOUGH ☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️

“I’m gonna go down there and I’m gonna punch him in the mouth, and I’m going to get Janet back!” YEAHHHHHHHH JASON

“Let’s go get our girl.” “Not a girl.” GOOOOOOO TEAM JASON AND MCIHAEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

However, wild that they’re sending Michael to the place where the Michael suit is, like that’s not going to immediately bite them in the ass in terms of keeping track of who they can trust

Michael just dropping that Tahani also has the context of her whole afterlife, offscreen. She deserves her narrative moments!!

“Can I have all my memories back again? I forgot most of them.” Me too, Jason. ALSO LFHKJFHKFH WOW

I think Jason who is infinitely capable of just taking on whatever moral values are in front of him. If he hadn’t grown up in Jacksonville I think he’d be fine

“Thank you for keeping me safe from my sexy, bad-girl sister-aunt.” I don’t know if this is all those Mommy-Sorry Tiktoks but this somehow feels more transgressive than the Derek’s earlier mommy-girlfriend comments

[Chuckles] “But to be fair, I wasn’t designed for anything.” ME TOO, DEREK HAHAHA

“Even Derek has an important job. I’d like to be more useful.” Even Tahani has begun lampshading her own lack of narrative purpose this season lmao

SCREAM @ Michael being scared of being in the birthplace of evil (presumably, his own birthplace) while Jason is scared that he and Janet may not have their special connection. He is the perfect boyfriend, no notes

“I love a movie with gentle magic. Give me a time-travelling mailbox, or a mother-daughter body switch, or Sarah Michelle Gellar as a chef and her food tastes amazing because she cries in it.”

Me 🤝 John

Loving stories with gentle magic in them

“What echoes of this former self await me here?”

Jason 🤝 Michael 🤝 Me

Having a really hazy and unpleasant memory of high school

HAHAHAHAHA everyone having the most stressful days of their lives (Eleanor subject to Derek’s Single Father to the Neighbourhood Chaos, Tahani trying to wrangle the three morally questionable humans, Jason and Michael in the Bad Place and Janet being held prisoner) while Chidi gets to do a little “puzzle” given to him by His God-(Ex)-Girlfriend. Oh how the turntables

Lmao @ Shawn saying they went overboard on the cheekbones to acknowledge Jason’s incredibly beautiful face

Say what you will about Jason, he has a very practical kind of wisdom. Who else would think to remember an explosive device for every situation

“I believed that we committed torture as a part of the moral balance of the universe. But I’ve learned that’s wrong. Humans are capable of self-improvement, and so are we. And down deep, Shawn knows this is true, too. I beg you, open your eyes to the truth.” A beautiful speech by Michael, slightly undermined by the demon he just exploded

TWO demons he just exploded. Rest in pieces Vicky

He did, however, solve the problem of the Michael suit

“I swear the production value of demon con gets better every year.” This feels like a meta nod to their increased SFX budget every subsequent season hahahaha

Convinced the fact that Chidi took/takes so long to kiss Eleanor versus kissing Simone so easily is not just because of his ethical obligations but BECAUSE he loves her so much it is that much harder for him to make decision that might change their relationship

Hahahaha, they spent so much money on SFX they couldn’t afford the location fees to shoot on a lake:

(You could also make the point that it’s supposed to look that way since it’s a simulation, but I’m pretty sure Chidi was rowing on an actual lake in S1. Maybe it was also a timing thing hahah)

“Plus, your parties aren’t pointless. They’re opportunities for them to bond and form friendships. You know, the thing we need them to do so we’re not all tortured forever?” Eleanor recognizing Tahani’s strengths as part of the group 💗

“But if we ever get through this, I want to learn how to do something meaningful.” Love that for Tahani 💖

“You’re not a demon anymore. You’re just a nice, weird, happy old dude.” Awwww Jason and Michael BFFs 4ever

JASONJANET BACK TOGETHER BAYBEEEEE:

Fkfjhfjhf this Michael Bad Janet storytime feels like a departure in energy after all the intensity of the last ep

Absolutely fucking obssessed with the Hottest Saviour of the Week, and according to this picture here’s the ongoing counts:

Eleanor: 10 (exclusively self-nominated)

Janet: 7

Tahani: 5 (one blocked by where Eleanor is standing but the background is in another shot)

Jason: 3

Michael: 0 (as it should be, no Demon Daddy objectification)

“Her name was Scarlett Pakistan, and she was the type of girl you couldn’t take in all at once, or you’d die.” UHKHFKJHFJHF BRENT TRULY REPRESENTING WHITE MEN WRITING BROWN WOMEN. Rough stuff, Tahani

“That’s how I got my nickname, The Defendant.” I feel like this doesn’t quite match the energy of Donkey Doug or Pillboi

“Where does this hope come from man? This insane hope that people are worth the trouble?” From Michael’s heart, Bad Janet 💟

I’m gonna be real with you I forgot that no one knew Jason wasn’t Jianyu and I thought that John was having that dramatic reaction over seeing Chidi dance LMAO

Simone makes a very good point of not needing to tolerate racism and misogyny for the sake of kindness

“If this [golf advice of doing better on the next shot] ends up applying to any other aspect of your life later on, then cool.” Hahahahah Michael speaking the only language Brent can understand: Sports metaphors

Very expected that Brent was unable to handle the slightest bit of criticism, even as it directly relates to people he hurt WITH HIS BOOK LOL

“Why not be a bigger person and rise above it?” “I’ll tell you why. Because doing that sends a message that it’s okay to be treated this way. And it’s not okay to treat anyone that way.” Simone continues to make incredibly reasonable points

Chidi said: My fight, flight, freeze instinct does occasionally land on fight

“What matters isn’t if people are good or bad. What matters if they’re trying to be better today than they were yesterday.” MICHAEL FOR BEST AT UNDERSTANDING HUMANS AND MORALITY IN THE UNIVERSE 💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘

Michael being better today than he was yesterday by letting Bad Janet go 😭😭😭😭😭 I LOVE HIM

GJHGKJHGKJHG not Simone uncovering the entire plot of the neighbourhood hours before the experiment ends

“Panicking about this experiment at crucial moments is kinda my move.” Michael said: There’s only room for one anxiety disorder in this friendship, Eleanor

“You never told me about this, Ducky.” The demise of the Simone/Chidi relationship over their respective secret Good Place Experiment hidden professional endeavours

Simone, as a neurologist researcher, is perhaps the most difficult profession to have in this experiment because of course she can see science when she is right in front of it

“We do nothing, and we hope that our early successes make up for the embarrassing mess we’ve become. Like Facebook. Or America.” ROUGH BUT REAL

You know what they say. When the going gets tough, the tough put on a magic show to distract the four people whose ignorance remains crucial to the fate of humanity:

Afjlkjflkjflkfj Jason coherently describing their Hail Mary and Prevent Defense strategy analogy. HE DOES LEARN

Brent 🤝 Jason

Only being able to understand the universe through sports metaphors

“I respect your position.” “I respect yours.” “Look, I know everything’s really scary right now but I just have to say it. That was the most boring break-up I’ve ever seen.” Accurate but rude, John

WHY IS CHIDI THE ONLY PERSON WHO CARES ABOUT THE INHERENT VALUE OF HUMAN LIFE? SIMONE, AGAIN, I ASK ABOUT YOUR ME VS. US SPEECH

“If there’s one thing I know in this world, it’s that you can ALWAYS blow up the same thing twice.” JASON, UR SO RIGHT BABY

Lowkey it is traumatizing for both Chidi and Eleanor to have someone they have loved pretending to be their eternal torturer (even if is half true)

It takes Chidi, the most ethical and empathetic person in the world, calling Brent a bad person for him to maybe consider stepping outside his own experiences to care about other people for half a second

NOT THE EXPERIMENT ENDING MID-BRENT’S APOLOGY:

“Yes, and here’s a bottle of tequila.” [Cheerily] “Okay, let us know how it goes.” Michael knows the way to his surrogate daughter’s heart LMAO

“Oh man, are we gonna die again? We’ve died so many times. We’ve probably had like, 15 funerals by now.” Jason is right, this must really warp their sense of their own life

“You’re a choker, Michael. And you’re about to choke for the last time. Except for the eternity you’re going to spend in the Bad Place being choked by me, who will be doing the choking.” [Tearfully] “Well you’re glue!” 😭😭😭😭😭 MICHAEL

NOT THEM WEEKEND AT BERNIE’S-ING CHIDI SO HE CAN BE PART OF THE FUNERAL PARTIES

Also Eleanor’s explanation of his jacked physique coming from his anxiety. On brand LMAO

Also also also the fact that Janet could DEFINITELY transport him by strength or teleport but she’s just watching them struggle HAHAHA

Not Brent somehow getting 1% worse than he was on Earth gkjhgjhgjh

The Weekend at Bernie’s vibes only increase. Chidi is impressively still

“I got born in the deep end of a pool, right after my mom did a cannonball.” 1) Can’t believe this is the first we’re hearing of Jason’s mum and 2) That tracks

“But despite it all, he was the most optimistic person I’ve ever met.” This is why I am in love with Jason

“That’s my Jason. A big colourful rainbow blob, stuffed inside a hot life-size action figure.” I love Janet explaining why she loves Jason. Also, now I want to be flattered by the Janet School of Compliments

Jason 🤝 Janet

Whipping out the best compliments in the world on the fly

So far, Jason’s poolside funeral is my favourite:

Michael proving that the Soul Squad actually made the people they care about better in tangible ways 🥺❤️‍🩹

“People improve when they get external love and support. How can we hold it against them when they don’t?” MICHAELLLLLLLLLLLLLL

“But what that number can’t tell you... is who he could’ve become tomorrow.” MICHAELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL 😭😭😭😭😭😭 IT’S A GOOD SHOW

“Tahani taught me that you can make a family, even if you never really had one. Jason taught me that I have value beyond what I do for other people. And Eleanor, there was a moment on Earth when all hope was lost, and I watched you have hope anyway.” JANETTTTTTTTTTT 😭💞😭💞😭💞😭💞😭💞

“I never felt quite so seen as when she saw me.” First ‘that’s gay, Tahani,’ of the season!!!!

HKJHRKJHKGJHKJGHJ THEY WON AND THE SOLUTION IS TO CANCEL EARTH? THIS IS WHY I HAVE SUCH A HARD TIME BELIEVING THERE IS AN ACTUAL GOOD PLACE, IT JUST DOESN’T SEEM LIKE THERE’S ANY WAY FOR ANYONE TO GO THERE

BAD JANET TO THE RESCUE!!!!!!!!! MICHAEL’S FRIENDS ALWAYS COME THROUGH

“It’s not two of us, it’s all of us.” THE JANET REVOLUTION!!!!!!! RISE OF THE JANETS!!!

I love that they’re delivering on the Disco Janet joke they dropped a season ago LMAO

“You want to take the most indecisive man ever born, stuff him full of over 800 different versions of himself, and tell him he has, like what, 45 minutes to save humanity?” GO CHIDIIIIIIII

Not Chidi’s first research project being on why his parents shouldn’t get divorced. We have finally unlocked his childhood trauma

Chidi 🤝 Me

Parents who should be divorced perhaps but instead stayed married

Chidi philosophizing his way out of a relationship is very on-brand

Awwwww I love these flashbacks of all the things we know about Chidi but with new added perspectives (more about why he and Alessandra broke up, the failure of his thesis, the way he makes decisions, the lead-up to him meeting Eleanor, Jason and Janet’s first wedding)

Sidenote: IS THAT DIGITAL GETDOWN I HEAR IN THE BACKGROUND!!! ITS THEIR SONG BAYBEE

“Where I’m from, most things blow up eventually. So I’ve learned when something dope comes along, you gotta lock it down. If you’re always frozen in fear and taking too long to think about what to do, you’ll miss your opportunity, and maybe get sucked into the propeller of a swamp boat.” Very solid life advice from Jason to Chidi

The way Chidi kept falling for Eleanor regardless of who his soulmate was, even despite his loyalty to the concept of soulmates 💗

“Woof, that’s too much to put on an eight-year-old.” I will keep saying it: I know it’s not in my best interests to identify with Chidi... and yet

“Soulmates aren’t real, are they?” “Chidi, in all honesty, I don’t know. but I don’t think so.” MAYBE THE REAL SOULMATES WERE THE FRIENDS WE FOUND ALONG THE WAY

“You wake up every day and you solve [the puzzle of life] again.” CHIDIIIIIIII

HAHAHAHAHA CHIDI’S FIRST QUESTION AFTER WAKING UP BEING IF HE HAS BEEN ANNOYING THEM FOR 300 YEARS

I AM LITERALLY GOING TO CRY THIS IS SO SWEET 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Hahahahaa Chidi said: New timeline, new me, baybee. I am over my indecision anxiety now!!!!

Jason’s concern that eliminating humanity is a bummer is valid

Hahahahah Chidi and Eleanor asking the other if they want to get out of here tickles me

“Chidi should hook up with the judge to get us out of trouble. I’ve done that a bunch of times. It’s called a Jacksonville Plea Bargain.” 1) Someone please help Jason and the state of Florida 2) This statement made me curious to look up how many female judges there are in the Middle District of Florida (where Jacksonville is) purely to determine logically whether Jason hooked up with a man and the answer as of 2020 is 6 out of 14 are female (none self-identify as LGBTQ). So Jason could’ve reasonably gotten these plea deals “a bunch of times” by only by hooking up with women, actually! Sexuality math

But happy Pride Month to Jason, who, while his heart belongs to Janet, whenever he is in a new timeline is liable to propose to literally anyone who he enjoys talking to

“Shut up. Shut up. Hi. Shut up. I’m confident now.” Chidi’s energy is a bit all over the place in times of crisis lmao

"I don’t care if everyone loses, as long as you lose.” Shawn truly willing to cut off his nose (the current system of the afterlife) to spite his face (the four humans he’s been trying to torture for 300 years)

Disco Janet’s marbelized form being a mini disco ball is perfect 10/10 production choices

The Soul Squad offering too take on eternal torture so that the rest of humanity can have a normal, medium afterlife 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

LMAO @ JANET MAKING A TIMOTHY OLYPHANT TO GET THE JUDGE TO HEAR THEM OUT

THE SYSTEM BEING THAT U KEEP GETTING A SHOT AT BEING A BETTER PERSON UNTIL U ACE IT 💗💗💗💗 ELEANOR, CHIDI, TAHANI, JASON AND MICHAEL, THE LOVES OF MY LIFE

“Then, what are we doing to their penises?” “Well, largely, ignoring them.” [Throws hands up in frustration] RIP the penis-bees

“Getting rebooted over and over again made me a better not-a-person than I’ve ever been. Humans should get the same opportunity.” YEAH JANET!!!

“Fighting you is the most fun I’ve ever had.” It’s almost Death Note-esque in the being consumed by targeting the other person so much you get attached. I guess Shawn is the Light in this situation. (Although L does engage in recreational torture)

"You have to read my file right now!” “What? I’m confused, is this a game? Is it a sex game, somehow?” LMAO and big hearts at Chidi, the guy who wanted all the world’s answers, being totally fine with whatever Eleanor has ever done, whether he gets to read it in her file or not (Eleanor is the answer ❤️)

LHFKJHKJHGKJGH VICKY AKA REAL ELEANOR AKA FAKE MICHAEL COMING BACK TO VOLUNTEER AS THE IN-BETWEEN PLACE’S FIRST ARCHITECT:

(Also Vicky’s right, she looks super hot, this is perfect lighting, outfit, makeup, everything)

SCREAMS at Chidi concluding based on every insane thing that Eleanor has ever done that actually she’s coped pretty well and she’s super interesting and it is he that’s too boring for her 😂 He is so funny

HAHAHAHAHA I know she brought up this thread of looking up the sexuality of presidents earlier but:

Me 🤝 Eleanor

Constantly trying to assess everyone we read about (or watch) to see if they’re bisexual

“Are you saying... Janet might get bored of me?” Chidi has passed his eternal romantic dread onto Jason like a common cold

“Think of it as, flattening the penises of their heart.” “Oh! Now it makes sense.” Vicky Bad Place: Demon Educator

“Once on Earth, I didn’t know something and I had to ask Alexa. I felt dirty.” HAHAHAHAHA

Me 🤝 Janet

Having a one-sided grudge with Alexa

Poor Michael, his purpose for so long has been solving problems, he doesn’t know what to do without something to overcome (mood)

OMG JASON TRICKED CHIDI INTO TALKING HIMSELF OUT OF HIS ROMANTIC DREAD 💝 THAT’S MY MAN. STREET SMARTS!!!!

It tickles me whenever they mention what they actually are underneath the skin suits. I hope someone has drawn Michael and Vicky having this workplace conversation as a Fire Squid and Acid Snake

“Turns out that saving every soul in the universe is worth a few points.” 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 THEM!

Honestly all of these things considered, I still have trouble believing in the Good Place as they’ve previously described it, so I have no idea what these last couple episodes are going to be about

God I love these five people and not-people so much:

What, I wonder, would you do if you have a fear of heights, if the only way to go to the Good Place is via hot air balloon?

“What if that’s some sort of demon alarm to alert the cops that I’m here?” THE HEAVEN COPS, MICHAEL? THERE ARE COPS IN HEAVEN?

Also

Me 🤝 Michael

Being uncomfortable in sacred places and assuming you’re going to be persecuted for a crime you didn’t know you committed

STOPPPP this is such a funny candy, I DO miss the energy I had when I was twelve:

Hahahaha, the fact that all the male philosophers are not in the Good Place. That tracks

MICHAEL GETTING TO BE A GOOD PLACE ARCHITECT 🥺❤️ IT’S WHAT HE DESERVES, PLEASE BE REAL

“This room is filled some of the most interesting people that ever lived. Chat them up, learn about their lives, then meet back here so that we can make fun of them.” Eleanor’s first advice in the Good Place is not the most kind-spirited LMAO

“Now you are officially in charge of the Good Place [...] You’re the boss now. That was all legally binding, and we all quit, effective immediately.” I KNEW I WAS RIGHT TO BE SUSPICOUS LMAO

THIS IS WHY I DON’T BELIEVE IN THE GOOD PLACE, IMMEDIATELY IT’S SASS AND TRICKERY LMAO

“You gotta help us, we are so screwed.” AHA!!! THE OTHER GOOD PLACE SHOE DROPS

“I would’ve killed for a vaccine. Any vaccine. It’s crazy that you guys just don’t like them now.” THE FACT THIS EP AIRED IN JANUARY OF 2020 LMAO. They really touched a timely nerve

Omggggg okay so we’re getting into the Good Place Problem: Being in infinite supply of experiences and desires, your brain atrophies?????

I guess this entire group of people has also been left unattended for 500 years which doesn’t help

“We need to find the Committee.” “The Committee is me. I am Committee. It me.” Me when I say ‘we’ about my job as if I am not literally the only person in my department:

I honestly don’t know if I buy into the idea that death and finite experience is the only thing that gives life meaning. I think the idea of having some agency in whether or not you continue your afterlife makes sense. But the implication you cannot sustain a life based on happiness, or that struggle is what gives people personhood, doesn’t sit right with me. Personhood is an act of love for yourself and others

“And when you’re ready, walk through one last door and be at peace.” I DO like that this acknowledges that for some people, paradise is not infinite consciousness but can also be found in letting go of consciousness

Hypatia said: Maybe the real Good Place was the friends we found along the way (she was right)

“I think that’s what the Good Place is. It’s not even a place, really. It’s just having enough time with the people you love.” Chidi said: I second that, Hypatia

[Sarcastically but sweetly, after Eleanor jokingly threatens to leave] “I’ll miss you.” CHIDIIIIIIIIII

OMG TEACHING ETHICS LESSONS IN THE GOOD PLACE, BECAUSE EVERYONE CAN BE BETTER THAN THEY WERE THE DAY BEFORE ❤️

“Never not excited about frogs, that guy.” ME TOO JEFF THE EARTH DOORMAN AKA BURT HUMMEL, FROG DESK SOLIDARITY

“At one point, hundreds of Bearimys ago, I turned off my ability to know what time it is anywhere in the universe when you and I are together.” JANET UR SO ROMANTIC, JASONJANET X INFINITY

Awwww it tracks that Jason would be the first person to be certain his needs were met. But that’s so complicated when your partner is an infinite being like Janet!!! Like what are the mechanics of dealing with a loss that is the cessation of someone who matters most to you

Shout-out to Young Doug Forcett, who is firmly done with his pisswater era

“I really am okay. I promise.” “Will you come talk to me if you’re not?” “Always.” Michaellll 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 Janet!!!!

“I’m scared Janet’s gonna forget me. Here falling in love with someone else, I’d be fine with that. Like if Jason Momoa or Lara Croft, Tomb Raider gets in, and Janet’s like, ‘That’s what up,’ totally cool! But her forgetting me would be sad.” JASONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN 😭😭😭😭😭😭

A LOCKET SO JANET CAN ALWAYS HAVE A PART OF JASON WITH HER, I AM SO SAD AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH:

“To me, remembering moments with you is the same as living them.” STOP IT RIGHT NOW

“Can you just remember the happy times and forget the bad stuff?” “There was no bad stuff. It was all good.” I AM IN TEARSSSSS

I love Tahani being in her Crafty Girl Afterlife Era

Tahani and Kamilah representing the absolute flabbergastedness one experiences when a parent admits a wrongdoing or has a learning experience:

Tahani having a special last goodbye with her best friends even after healing all of the other relationships, because the Soul Squad/Team Cockroach/Team Humanity is her first and chosen family 😭❤️

“I admire you so very much. Your strength, your toughness, your self-esteem, not to mention... you have a rockin’ bod.” OH HOW THE TURN TABLES, TAHANI!!!!

“I want to learn to do what you do, Michael. I want to be an architect, design afterlives.” MY GIRL TAHANI GETTING HER PURPOSE IN LIFE

“I hope you don’t mind if I brag about knowing you.” “Name dropping is a little gauche, Michael, but do as you must.” Tahaniiiiii. I do love how her story is wrapping up

I enjoy that Uzo gets to see Chidi post-his 800-Universe-Decision-Making-Immersion-Therapy.

Eleanor trying her hardest to keep Chidi in the afterlife even though he’s almost done 😭 Also the pictures of the four humans in Michael’s office

“If you leave, then I’m alone here.” AHHHH ELEANOR. They’ve really turned the afterlife into Earth Lite

“Can we eat words? Because I’ve asked Janet about this and—” Chidi said: One day an academic rival told me I’d eat my words and it’s been my dream ever since

Eleanor loving Chidi enough to let him go vs. Chidi loving Eleanor enough to hold in for several bearimys that he has been ready to leave 💔

CHIDI SAYING GOODBYE WITH A SEXY CALENDAR. HE KNOWS THE LOVE OF HIS (AFTER)LIFE:

SCREAM JASON WAITING FOR JANET TO COME BACK TO THE FOREST FOR A THOUSAND BEARIMYS. THANK YOU FOR IMMEDIATELY HEALING THE WOUND OF CHIDI LEAVING HAHAHAHAA

“I sort of just sat quietly and let my mind drift away, thought about you and the infinity of the universe.” “Kind of like a monk.” JANET HAS BEEN WAITING OVER 4 WHOLE SEASONS TO MAKE THIS JOKE HAHAHAHA

ALSO HOW COULD JANET, WHO KNOWS EVERYTHING, NOT KNOW THAT JASON WAS STILL AROUND

Dhkjfhjkfhfkjh it would be very weird if Eleanor’s actual unfinished business was Mindy St. Claire of the Medium Place

Update from 1 minute later: It was not

Tahani saying, “As I neither live nor breathe,” is a fun little line

Michael being unable to cope without something productive to fill his time ghjkghgkjhg. Anxiety icon

“I’m gonna be...” “A real boy, Pinocchio.” MICHAEL GETS TO BE HUMAN? I LOVE THAT FOR HIMMMMM ❤️‍🩹

“I won’t exactly know what’s going to happen after I die. Nothing more human that that. Besides texting people that you’re five minutes away when you haven’t even left the house.” How many Bearimys does it take for us to evolve past phones hahahahaha

Does mean that Eleanor will be in charge of The Good Place?? White women dominating the non-profit industry strike again (I kid)

MICHAEL GIVING JEFF THE EARTH DOORMAN A REAL FROG!!!! I LOOOOVE HIM

Kinda wild that Michael starts his human life at like, what, age 50? That’s like 30-40 years if he’s lucky. Why doesn’t he get to start as a baby? Not consistent enough?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA MICHAEL NAMING HIS DOG AFTER JASON:

“I hate to see you walk through the final door at the edge of existence, but I love to watch you leave.” ICONIC GOODBYES FROM JANET AND ELEANOR, ONE OF THE STRONGEST DYNAMICS IN THE SHOW

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA MICHAEL’S EARTH NAME BEING MICHAEL REALMAN

I truly wondered how this show would end and I guess the glowing embers of Eleanor’s last bit of existence blessing Michael with a Coyote Joe’s card while he says to a good samaritan, his friends, and by extension the audience, “Take it sleazy,” is as good a way as any!

Final thoughts: I really do love the way this show is written, how everything is intentional, how it’s so focused on love and connection and growth, and how each season manages to engage you with a different question. It’s interesting how, although they often use Heaven as a point of reference, this ending was a bit more Hindu/Buddhist in its leanings (i.e. liberation from physical incarnation/rebirth—and in the sense their testing system as that reincarnation cycle—through the accumulation of positive karma or liberation from desire). Ironically, even as someone who is Hindu, I still do think personhood is an act of love, and I feel like that ‘love for love’s sake,’ idea was a little lost in these final few episodes. But all the same, going into it this was my favourite show (even having only seen 2 seasons) and it still is. It’s a good show!!!! I love every character, and I feel satisfied with their stories!

#ayesha says things #liveblogging #ayesha liveblogs tgp #the good place #television #long post #the good place spoilers #the ending baybeeee #the good place will probably feature on this blog from this point on fyi!

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