#oh my fucking god am i fucked in the ass jesus save me

[officialjimmybuffett]

biostats exam in two weeks society if my eco prof could fucking teach

[teaboot]

As someone who learnt english as a second language via textbook, I have to say "flying by the seat of my pants" is a hilarious idiom xD

It's the first time I've seen/heard it.

Could you share another one you like using?

Idk about idioms specifically, but there's a bunch of phrases I learned from my mom!

Lord love a duck! (Incredulous, like 'oh my god')

Lord suffer in sheep dip! (Sheep dip meaning sheep poop. Incredulous, but for annoying things- like 'are you kidding me?')

Is there a piano tied to your ass? ('Don't be lazy, do it yourself')

Someone's cruising for a bruising. (You're picking a fight.)

I don't give a rat's rip. ('I don't care'- a rat's 'rip' is it's butt crack.)

Pull up a stump! (Get yourself a chair, sit down.)

Everybody out of the pool! (Get out of the car)

I'm flying by the seat of my pants. (I have no idea what I'm doing, but I'm doing it.)

Don't go blowing smoke up my ass. (Don't over-compliment me, don't flatter me, don't stroke my ego, don't tell me positive lies)

Looks like it's gonna rain on our parade. (A storm is coming.)

Sorry to rain on your parade. (I've given you bad news- can be used sincerely or sarcastically to denote sympathy for incurring a bad mood.)

Better button that lip. (Stop talking.)

Someone's gonna stick a boot up your ass. ('Stick a boot up your ass'- fight you, beat you, kick your ass.)

Stick that lip out any further, and a pigeon'll shit on it. (Stop whining.)

Suck it up, buttercup. (Stop whining.)

Dumber than a fence post. (Very stupid.)

The back forty. (The wild or forested area behind a rural home. The 'forty' being forty acres, or farmland.)

Don't go begging for a fat lip. (Whatever you're saying or doing is going to bother people and get you in trouble.)

What on God's green earth (What the fuck)

I'm sweating like a pig in a porta-potty (like a pig in a plastic outhouse- I'm very warm, it's hot here)

He thinks the universe flew out of his ass. (He thinks he's more impressive than he is.)

Your mouth wrote a cheque your ass couldn't cash. (You promised more than you were capable of providing.)

You've got a horseshoe up your ass. (You're very, very lucky.)

Taking a dirt nap. (Dead.)

Pushing (up) daisies. (Dead.)

Give me forty acres to turn this rig around. (I need time and space to move this large, heavy, or unwieldy thing. Usually about navigating a vehicle. Taken from a song lyric.)

Jesus take the wheel. (God help me, I can't handle this, I give up.)

Gone belly-up. (Has died.)

We've got a floater. (This one is dead.)

Herding cats. (Trying to organize chaos, managing an impossibly complicated situation.)

I've got a black thumb. (I am bad at growing plants, all my plants die- reference to having a 'green thumb', or being good at growing plants.)

Stop trackin' floor cookies. (Floor cookies are bits of animal shit that fall off your work boots- 'tracking floor cookies' means wearing your boots in the house; take your shoes off at the door.)

Running around like a headless chicken. (Frantic, disorganized, stressed out by many tasks or panicked by a big situation.)

Spinning my wheels. (Waiting around for something to happen, getting nowhere, frustrated by inactivity, not making any progress towards a goal.)

He's gonna blow a gasket. (He's going to lose his temper, he's going to be angry.)

They'll tan your hide. (They'll punish you severely; usually through violence. Specifically in reference to a spanking.)

He's a few bricks short a load. (He's not clever / he doesn't think things through / he's crazy)

Not the sharpest tool in the shed. (Not the smartest person. Very dumb, clumsy, or absent-minded.)

I'm not going to bail you out. (Not going to save your sinking boat- not going to help you out of your bad situation.)

Looks like things are going south. (The situation is growing worse.)

I'll start making tracks. (I'll leave now, I'll start working, I'll get going.)

He's fucking the dog. (He's not being productive, he's doing a bad job, he's made things worse, he's screwing around.)

He's making puppies. (Less graphic version of 'fucking the dog'.)

Plant your ass. (Sit.)

Playing grab-ass. (Procrastinating- accomplishing nothing, slowing people down.)

He couldn't find his ass in the dark. (He's stupid, ineffective, underqualified, or incompetent.)

He couldn't pour water out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel. (He is unbelievably, comically dumb or ineffective. He can't do anything right.)

One foot in the ground. (Dying, or half-dead.)

I'm kicking rocks. (I'm not doing anything productive.)

I'm hauling ass. (I'm running away.)

Madder than a wet hen. (Very, very angry.)

Like I said I'm not sure that these are all idioms but they're all the phrases and sayings from my childhood that I can remember right now

EDIT: Cannot BELIEVE I forgot my mom's favourite

52. Wish in one hand, shit in the other, see which gets filled first. (Wishes don't come true by themselves)

Plus some more I forgot:

53. You make a better door than a window. (You're in the way of my view.)

54. You can take a long walk off a short pier. (Go fuck yourself.)

55. He's about as sharp as a bowling ball. (He's stupid.)

56. Scoot your poot. (Move over.)

57. Not my first rodeo. (I know what I'm doing.)

58. He's built like a brick shithouse. (He's broad and sturdy and very strong, solid.)

59. I smell bacon. (I saw a cop nearby.)

60. I don't want to hear a peep. (Stop talking.)

61. You're thinking with the wrong head. (You're making bad decisions because you're horny.)

62. I'd lose my ass/head if it wasn't tied on. (I'm very absent-minded, forgetful.)

63. That went down like a lead balloon. (That situation was bad.)

[unfinishedslurs]

eddie's flat ass (steddie)

Dustin whips around as soon as they’re alone. “Steve!”

“I’m Eddie.”

“No, I mean you and Steve. You like him.”

“Of course I like him, Henderson,” Eddie says flatly, pressing a little harder on the gas in hopes of getting to Dustin’s house before he admits something he regrets. “We’re friends. Best buds. A couple of dudes being bros.”

“You’re full of shit,” Dustin says. “I’m not stupid. I saw that. I wish I hadn’t, but I saw it. You’re, like, stupidly into him. I don’t know how I didn’t see it before.”

“Jesus Christ,” Eddie mutters. His street can’t come soon enough. 

Dustin pushes through. “When are you gonna ask him out?”

“Uh, never?”

“What?!”

“Close your mouth, you’ll catch flies,” Eddie rolls his eyes. “Nothings going to happen, Henderson. Yeah, I’ve got a stupid fucking crush on your babysitter, it doesn’t mean that Steve’s interested in me. He likes girls, Dustin, did you miss that part in the dossier? He thinks we’re a couple of straight guys horsing around, if he found out I was flirting with him I could be thrown into Hunt the Freak 2: the thrilling sequel.”

Dustin’s mouth snaps shut, and he laughs nervously. “Right,” he agrees. “He likes girls. But, uh, hypothetically, if he was into guys…”

They roll to a stop sign, and Eddie turns away from the road to tell the little shit off. But Dustin’s fidgeting, staring steadfast at the road and refusing to meet his eye. 

“You know something,” he realizes. 

“Uh…”

Eddie’s about to shake it out of him. “You’re hiding something, you little shit. What is it? Tell me.”

“I’m not,” he squeaks. 

“Bull-shit you aren’t. What is it? Is it about Steve?” Eddie pales. “Shit, does he know about me?”

“Well…”

“What the hell?!”

“I didn’t tell him!” Dustin yelps. “If you didn’t want him to know, maybe you shouldn’t have been so obvious!”

“Check your tone,” he snaps, hand shaking as he pulls on his hair. “Shit, shit, shit, okay, it’s fine, I just need to flee the country—“

“Why?”

Eddie is this close to throttling the kid. “What do you mean why?”

“Why is this such a big deal?”

“It could get me killed!” He shouts, banging a hand against the steering wheel. “He could—he could fucking tell somebody, and—“

“He wouldn’t do that!”

“How the fuck am I supposed to know that? You think someone’s a good guy until you’re interested in them, and then it’s all ‘You’re fucking disgusting,’ or ‘Freak,’ or ‘Don’t touch me, you fa—‘“

“Stop!” Dustin shouts, white knuckling the armrest. “Eddie, stop. He’s not going to tell anyone. It’s gonna be okay. It’s fine.”

“It’s not.”

“It’s fine,” Dustin stresses. “Steve doesn’t care if you’re gay. He definitely doesn’t mind you flirting with him.”

“You don’t know that,” Eddie says. 

“Yeah I do.”

“How?”

There’s that deer in headlights look again. Then Dustin takes a deep breath, and his expression turns guilty. 

“I know you’re not supposed to tell people this,” he says, “but you’re freaking out really bad and I’m, like, 99% sure Steve thinks you already know.”

“Steve thinks I know what?”

Dustin tells him. 

Two hours later, he’s still laying on the floor in the trailer, looking up at the ceiling. 

Bisexual. Steve Harrington, the man Eddie’s always hailed as the patron saint of heterosexuality, likes men. 

Might like Eddie. 

“Are you flirting with me?” Eddie blurts out, and immediately tries to bolt. 

He runs face first into a wall and ends up on the ground, wishing the demobats had just killed him. 

Steve appears in his line of vision, standing over his sprawled body. Eddie is treated to a wonderful view, eyes moving from his long, athletic legs to his crotch to his chest and broad shoulders, and finally reaches his face. His very amused face. 

Eddie’s entire body lights on fire. 

“What the hell was that?” Steve asks, laughing. 

“Uh…”

“Wile E Coyote over here. Seriously, man, that was some Loony Toons shit. I’m embarrassed for you.”

“Oh my God, shut up,” he groans. “Just let me die.”

“No way in hell. Sorry, Munson, I put too much work into saving your flat ass to throw it away like that.” Steve grins, holding a hand out for Eddie to take. He ignores it, rolling over so Steve can’t see how red his face is. 

“My ass isn’t flat,” he mumbles into the carpet. 

“Oh, it is,” Steve says cheerfully, nudging said ass with his foot, because he’s a bastard. Eddie doesn’t know why he likes him so much. Everything he does is catastrophically bad for his continued survival. “It’s cute though. I like it.”

“Henderson said, uh, that you were…umm…maybeflirtingwithme?” Eddie finishes in a rush. 

“What?”

Steve’s face is open, automatically tilting his right ear towards Eddie. Eddie doesn’t know if he’s aware that’s something he does. Robin says it’s because of all the concussions, his left ear just isn’t what it used to be. 

Eddie sags, unable to lie to his wide-eyed confusion. “Dustin said you're flirting with me.”

Steve stares at him. 

Eddie fidgets under his incredulous gaze, growing more anxious by the minute. Oh God, Dustin was wrong. Dustin was wrong about everything. Steve probably doesn’t even actually like boys, Jesus. The whole thing is obviously a bust. Eddie needs to cut and run, maybe make some bullshit excuse about his uncle needing him home even though Steve knows Wayne’s working right now—

“You needed Henderson to tell you that?”

[skylarsblue]

✦Incorrect C.o.D Quotes Nine✦

(Sexual Implication) Ghost, trying to be sexy by whispering: Gaggin’ for it, aren’t ya, love? Soap: Nope. Ghost: No? Soap: I don’t gag on anything. Ghost: *404 Error* Soap: …Ghost? Si? Simon, are you alright?

-- Y/N: Let’s play a word association game! Ghost: Why? Y/N: Because I saved your ass last mission and I’m bored, so you owe me. Ghost: *sigh* Fine. Y/N: P e r f e c t . Gaz: ?? Y/N: Cold. Ghost: Winter. Y/N: Spring. Ghost: Mattress. Y/N: Soft. Ghost: Comfortable. Y/N: Pleasant. Ghost: Sunset. Y/N, With a shit eating grin: Beautiful. Ghost, unconsciously: Johnny- Y/N: YES Gaz: OHHHHHH Ghost: Soap: *gasp* Simon!~ Ghost: I’m going to go crash in a heli. Y/N: I KNEW IT I KNEW IT-

-- Alex: Bitch do you want me to jump across this table? Because I don’t have all day for this. Norris: You feeling froggy? Leap. Alex: Okay, well here I come- Farah: Alex no, no- hOLD OFF

-- (NSFW Joke) Y/N: Oh sorry. I almost drank out of your cup. Soap: Wh-Just go ahead, it won’t matter! Y/N: Well I- Yeah no, you’re right. I’ve drank out of your cups dozens of times. Soap: We’ve sucked the same dick- Y/N: That’s a good point! Ghost: ….*sigh*

-- Gaz: What kind of girl do you like? Soap: My wife. Gaz: And you? Ghost: Johnny’s wife. Gaz: OH- Price, knowing they recently started a poly situation: Pfft-

-- (Use of the word pussy because haha) Gaz, filming: Pffft- Soap: Shhshh- Y/N in the hallway: FORTY THREE FUCKING CENTS! AHHHHH Soap: *wheeze* Y/N: I NEED A SUGAR DADDY!! Gaz: PFFFT- Soap: I can’t breathe- Y/N: At this rate I’m ready to plaster my fuckin’ pussy on the sidewalk for some sPARE CHANGE! Gaz & Soap: *doing that silent cackle thing and smack each other in the arm* Ghost, leaning into the room: What the f- Y/N: SPAARE CHANGE, SPARE CHANGE! ANYONE GOT ANY SPARE CHAAANGE?! Gaz: *coughing* Soap: Steamin’ Jesus I’m fucking crying- Y/N, passing by the room: 🎵Walkin’ in a winter wonderlaaaand🎶

-- Y/N: Would you love me? Gaz: Y/N: Gaz: Y/N: Gaz: Would I love you if…? Y/N: nO ThAt wAs tHE QuesTiOn-

-- Y/N: Pretty boy! With me I said! Rudy: Rudy: Rudy: Oh I’m pretty boy! Y/N: Yes! Oo that came out a bit quick- (Also works with Soap & Gaz, honestly)

-- (THIS IS A CONCEPT IM TOO WHIMPY TO WRITE, SO HAVE IT HERE! THIS COULD WORK WITH SO MANY CHARACTERS Also, NSFW warning) Ghost: I don’t miss. Y/N, on his ear piece: Never? Even with distractions? Ghost: *turns his scope* Not ever. *just about to take a shot* Y/N: Hmm…what if I went… Mm Simon~ Ghost: *misses* Y/N: Ya missed. Ghost: Cheeky bitch…

-- Gaz: Alright, so, since we’re now in America and we have some time to kill, I went and I got you something. Y/N: Aww Gaz, you really didn’t have to- Gaz: *puts down their Whataburger order* Y/N: OH MY GOD Price: Really? Gaz: *shrug* Soap: *snickering as Y/N Fucking demolishes some fries* Y/N, having the time of their life: Garrick you ever need your dick sucked, a dead body buried, a beer or whatever, you call me. I got’chu Gaz: BAHA- Soap: *wheeze* Ghost: Are you fucking crying? Y/N with their mouth full: I missed it so much.

-- (Team bonding exercises) Soap: You’re a football player, it’s in ya blood! Gaz: That’s racist. Soap: Your soul? Gaz: That’s racist! Soap: …your eyes? Gaz: That’s gay- Soap: That’s homophobic. Gaz: That’s black. Soap: That’s racist!! Gaz: Damn- (this one is extra funny since Gaz is now confirmed LGBT)

-- Gaz: You overrated little twink! Soap: Hey I am a TWUNK, alright?! That is a combination, twink, and HUNK, get it?? Hunk-

-- Soap: Hey~ Fem!Y/N: You’re Gay. Soap: …oh yeah. Soap: *looks at Ghost* Soap: Hey.~ Ghost: *sigh*

-- Soap: I’m gonna have to meet men lying down. Y/N: …I thought’cha did?? Soap: OI!

-- Soap: Everyone says what a giving person I am! Y/N: He’s talking about when you’re in an upright position.

-- Graves: What if there’s a connection? Y/N: I think there’s a connection between your brain and wallpaper paste.

-- Shepard: Now you’re always ornery, rude, unpleasant, and sometimes downright mean. That’s part of your charm. Y/N: Thank you, you colluding-county-hopping-idiotic-relic. Price: *pride*

-- Alex: Oh my god, how are you such a good driver? Soap: Because there’s illegal shit in here. Alex: Soap: Because if I don’t use my turn signal, we’re both gonna do fifteen. Because I am going to lie and say yours. Alex: ….. Soap: Put your seatbelt on, sweetheart. Alex: *clicks it in places* Soap: You are not safe!

-- (Sucking dick joke) Kidnapper: You’re gonna do as I say or I will make you regret ever being born. Y/N: Oh please, I’ve sucked dicks more intimidating than you. Soap: Oh this is why Simon was the way he was after we rescued you both last time.

-- Soap, shoving marshmallows in his mouth: This isn’t very ha-*chokes* MILF!Y/N, across the fucking base: ….*mom instinct* Price: ??? Ghost: Uh- Y/N: Something just happened. Kyle: PFFT-

-- MILF!Y/N: *letting Soap & Gaz lean on her while Price and Ghost stand close behind* Untrue. I’m a mother now. It’s really changed my perspective. Graves: And do you find it hard juggling life and a career? Y/N: You can juggle these nuts.

-- Soap: *rambling* Soap: Agh, sorry, I’m just goin’ on and on- Ghost: Oi, keep talking before I kick your ass. Soap: ….. Gaz: See? This is exactly what I m-where the fuck are these flower petals coming from?? ARE THOSE SPARKLES??

[anangelinthepit]

Bruise My Bones but Leave My Heart Alone

Part 11

Enjoy guys

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@reyadawn @fadingintothegrey @chey-h @thisbicc @hurricanesfollowyou @supersquirrel1996 @dreamstyles @bloodylullaby

Noah's POV

After my meltdown, I was completely desperate for more information. I begged Shawnah to tell me everything she knew. She was the only source I had in finding my now-pregnant girlfriend.

“Noah, I only know what Y/N told me. Do you think I wanted her to leave? I begged her to stay and tried to tell her she was overreacting about the whole situation. I told her all she needed to do was talk to you about it, but she was scared.”

“You really expect me to believe after everything she's been through already. I'm one she is scared of ?”

“No, jackass. She wasn't scared of you. She was scared of Jason’s gang finding her here. She felt that if she ran off, she could lead them away and keep you and the baby safe. I felt it didn't make any sense. You guys haven't heard anything about Jason’s men since that night, right?”

“Shawnah that is not your business.” Jolly chimed

“It is when it's what made my pregnant best friend run away, Jolly,” Shawnah said while raising her voice at Jolly

The word "pregnant" kept reverberating over and over again in my head. Jesus Christ, out of all the things that Y/N could have done, she truly thought running away was her best option. Have I made her life that difficult?

“It doesn't make any sense. The last time we heard about Jason's gang, was when we lured them hours away in Napa. Gave them a fake address and everything.” Nick said while looking at his phone.

“What the hell gave her the idea that they were even in the same state? How would she know when No one has said anything?” folio asked

“I have no idea- wait did you say Napa?

“Yea Napa California, it's like 7 hours away from here. There's no way they would have thought she was here in the first place. So I'm confused about what gave her the idea” Nick said

Shawnah's face lost all color, and the face she made was all too familiar. It was the same. Y/N would make the right before she's about to pass out. Jolly went over to support her, but what she said next made the hair on my neck stand up.

“Oh my god, we have to go get her.”

“What do you mean?” I asked

“Y/N begged me not to tell you where she was.”

“You knew where she was this whole fucking?” I said getting up and marching toward them

I could feel my fuckkg blood boiling, what in the actual fuck is wrong with Y/N. Why would she put me through this?

“Noah don't fucking start with me. You wanna know where she's at I suggest you calm the fuck down and listen .”

“My love, I think”

“Zip it Jolly Jackass,” Shawnah said, pointing at just Jolly

I stepped back and controlled my anger. Shawnah began to tell me that Y/N left her a phone number for her burner phone and the address of where she was staying. I felt my heart sink and my breathing become fast when I read the paper

813 Link Rd, Napa California 16897

Crumbling up the paper, I couldn't help but hold the bridge of my nose in frustration. How is all of this turning into one giant cluster fuck?

“Shawnah, are you telling me that my pregnant girlfriend is literally in the same city as the gang that wants to sell her the fuck out?”

“No I'm telling you you're pregnant girlfriend ran off because her psycho boyfriend doesn't know what the hell he’s doing, and just keeps digging her fucking grave deeper and deeper”

Shawnah said crossing her arms

I shook my head and scoffed at her. I hate to admit it but she's right. How the hell am I going to fix this now? Y/N ran off and even if I do bring her back, it’s not like I can tie her to the fucking bed frame and keep her held hostage. I still can’t understand why she thought running off was her best option. it was one of the worst decisions that she’s probably made in her life.

Goddmamit Y/N. How many fucking times am I going to have to save you? Wait till I get your ass back home.

Matt and Nick were waiting for my say. For once I didn't know what to do, I wouldn’t say I felt helpless but I felt like I was running out of cards.

“Alright, that's it. Shawnah this is so fucking serious it's not even funny. Call up her phone right now and tell her you're coming to see her. “

“What the fuck am I supposed to say to her?”

“Since you both are so good at lying, make something up on the fly. As for everyone else. Pack a fucking bag, we’re going to Napa.” I said, gathering a bag

“Noah she's gonna know something up I-.”

A ringtone started to go off, and Shawnah pulled up her phone and saw that Y/N was calling her. This was my only chance it hear her voice and know she was okay.

“Answer it and put it on speaker. Now.”

I could hear Y/N on the other end. Shawnah gave me the hush finger. If she knew I was listening she might try to run again. Hearing her voice brought so much relief to my body, but yet still so much anger at this stupid decision she made.

Y/N

Hey girl, did Noah realize I'm gone yet?

Shawnah

Obviously, Y/N. What made you think he wouldn't?

Y/N

I know, stupid question. Just don't say anything to him. I'll call him in a few days and explain everything. Shawnah, I think I'm starting to regret my decision.

Shawnah

Why, do you say that?

Y/N

Well, I don't want you to worry, but I think I saw one of Jason’s old friends here. I could just be being paranoid, but it looks exactly like one of them.

Shawnah

Bestie, let me come up and see you just for a few days. I'll tell Jolly I'm going to a concert or something. I don't want you to be by yourself, especially in a new place.

Y/N

Okay, but what about Noah? He's gonna be watching your every move.

Shawnah

Don't worry, I'll take care of it. He's a cat, throws a ball of yarn in front of him and he’ll entertain himself.

I looked at Shawnah and gave her the finger. Why does Jolly always pick the cocky ones?

Shawnah

Just don't leave your apartment anymore and lock all your doors

Y/N

Okay, I'll see you tomorrow.

Shawnah

Yes. Tomorrow. Um bestie, please be careful

Y/N

I will be, I promise. Is everything okay? You're not crying, are you?

Shawnah

Oh, don't worry about me, I'll be fine, I promise. I'll talk to you later

Shawnah hung up the phone, and it took everything in me to not grab the phone and cuss Y/N out. Knowing that she s

“If Y/N saw them, then they know she's there,” Jolly said

“We gotta go. Now” I said, grabbing my bag

Within the next 30 minutes, we all made our way to the car and got on the road. The only thing I could about was Y/N sitting in a room by herself, just holding her stomach. Caressing our unborn child. This thought was so haunting to me, that it almost made me sick. I couldn't help but wonder if I've made too many bad decisions that led up to this point. I took control of her life and made it even worse for her. She had no idea about Jason, so what is the real reason she did this? There’s gotta be more to the story and when I get to her, everything is going to be laid out in the fucking table.

“No more secrets baby.”

So much for that promise, babydoll

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I'm sorry this chapter was a little short. Love you all

[melefim]

Swearing in Dead Boy Detectives: Episode 3- The Case of the Devlin House

Episode Overview:

48 total, 13 different words said by 10 characters.

Edwin: 1 Damn

Charles: 2 Fuck, 2 Ass, 1 Bloody, 1 God, 1 Cunt, 1 Bastard, 2 Sod, 2 Slag

Crystal: 4 Fuck, 6 Shit, 1 Bitch, 1 Ass, 2 Damn, 2 Hell, 3 God, 1 Jesus

Jenny: 1 Fuck, 1 Ass

Niko: 1 God

Esther: 1 Shit

Calico Cat: 1 Fuck

Litty: 5 Fuck, 2 Bitch

Kingham: 2 God

Headache Ghost: 1 Jesus

Curses Per Character:

Edwin: 1

Charles: 12

Crystal: 20

Jenny: 2

Niko: 1

Esther: 1

Calico Cat: 1

Litty: 7

Kingham: 2

Headache Ghost: 1

Uses Per Word:

Fuck: 13

Shit: 7

Bitch: 3

Ass: 4

Damn: 3

Hell: 2

Bloody: 1

God: 7

Jesus: 2

Cunt: 1

Bastard: 1

Sod: 2

Slag: 2

Lines:

Headache Ghost: Jesus! This headache feels like my eyes are gonna rip apart!

Crystal: Holy shit, who knew this town was such a Mecca for troubled ghosts?

Crystal: I just heard some people talking about it in the um, God, it was the… malt shop and it sounded super crazy.

Jenny: It's a super fucked up story so I'm gonna need some coffee.

Jenny: He killed the mom and daughters while they were watching tv. Asshole.

Crystal: What the actual fuck?

Niko: Oh my god, he is so in to you!

Calico Cat: At least we don't have to go inside. This house is fucked up.

Crystal: Jesus, I can't watch this again.

Crystal: Just what the fuck is it?

Crystal: So ok, if we figure out what sent that piece of shit dad over the edge, we can what? Free the family?

Litty: Looks like they left you behind because you fucking suck.

Litty: They're all gonna fucking die.

Litty: We were fucking kidding, can't you take a fucking joke?

Kingham: God! (Niko throws sweater over jar)

Litty: Stupid fucking bitch!

Charles: He was such a cunt.

Charles: So let's keep the bastard from ever getting his hands on it.

Crystal: Good luck finding it now, asshole.

Charles: How do we break this bloody loop?

Litty: I was confused when you let your friends who saved you go to that scary house alone, but now I see you're just a little bitch.

Kingham: God! I hate you!

Charles: Edwin, don't slag her off just because it turns out you aren't the all-knowing expert on everything, yeah?

Charles: I'm just sick of watching this asshole kill his family a million times for no fucking reason. Tried it your way, and it did nothing. Sod it, let's try mine.

Crystal: Where the hell did he go?

Crystal: Oh thank god, there he is.

Charles: Mate, don't slag her off just because it turns out you aren't the all-knowing expert on all things, yeah?

Charles: I'm just sick of watching this asshole kill his family a million times for no fucking reason. Tried it your way, and it did nothing. Sod it. Let's try mine.

Crystal: His dad was bad, Edwin. Royally fucked-up bad.

Crystal: And if I have to hear that goddamn song one more time, I am gonna lose my shit.

Crystal: Oh shit, yes. (They haven't found a radio)

Crystal: Oh my god. Son of a bitch owned an electronics store.

Crystal: Damn it, I know you choose the worst times to show up on purpose.

Edwin: Damn it. Crystal, if you can hear me, try to stay positive.

Crystal: Go to hell.

Crystal: I am done wasting my energy on your fuck-boy bullshit.

Crystal: Holy shit, we actually did.

Charles: God, that must have been mental.

Esther: Quit loitering you little shits.

Notes:

Previously on Dead Boy Detectives…

Shown in this episode’s recap but not counted above:

Crystal: Oh my god! (Niko collapses) (Episode 2)

Kingham: For real, it smells like dog shit in there. (Episode 2)

Middle finger from both sprites (Episode 2)

Edwin: What the bloody hell is this? (Episode 2)

Updated:

-Added in a ‘god’ from Crystal that I missed

-Replaced ‘Uses Per Word’ chart with a version with better

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

More Dead Boy Detectives Swearing Posts:

Masterlist

Swearing by Episode

Swearing by Character

Swearing by Word

All Swearing Posts

And if you like lists of things like I do, you can check out my other Dead Boy Detectives ones here!

When Charles’ Shirt Colors Change

George Rextrew’s Edwin comic inspo board

Full soundtrack with timestamps

Moves, Incidents, and Cases Masterlist

First pass at finding where the songs in the score are used- full post with timestamps in progress

[sihtricfedaraaahvicius]

okay you horny people, I wrote a quick follow up to that Sihtric library fic I posted earlier.

warnings: 18+! smut!!!

Part 2. (here is part 1)

'You wish to be railed in the backroom, lady?' Sihtric grinned

Oh, sweet Jesus, it's like he can read my thoughts, yes, please…

Your hands were trembling as you tried to unlock the library door, and you heard Sihtric chuckle in your ear while his hands trailed all over you, pressing his body against yours from behind.

Oh shit, he's so fucking hard, you sighed loudly. Wait, focus… focus, unlock this goddamn door first. The lock clicked open. Finally!

You turned around and before you could even blink, you already felt Sihtric's lips back on yours.

Jesus, Mary and Christ, this man is eager. Oh…o-okay, oh, you felt his tongue in your mouth while he cupped your breasts, is he trying to kill me because-

Sihtric broke the kiss and let out a mischievous laugh, pushing you inside the library and locking the door behind him. You took his hand and pulled him with you, towards that backroom you had been thinking of earlier. You bit down on your lip with a grin as you turned around to face him while leading him with you.

Surely, I have to thank this fine man for saving me from "the creep"…

Sihtric smirked and licked his lips while looking you up and down. He wanted to be thanked by you, in every possible way.

'So you do this often then?' he asked.

'What? No!' you smiled, pulling him into the dim lit backroom, which was where the damaged books were kept. 

I'm not some kind of slut… you looked at him as he stepped closer.

You know what, I lied. I AM a slut right now... I'll gladly be a slut for you, sir.

'How do you wish to be treated?' Sihtric asked, pushing you against a half filled book cabinet.

Like a whore, please...

'Nicely,' you smiled, innocently batting your eyelashes.

'Nicely?' Sihtric asked, moving his hand up in your hair and giving a tug.

Oh my fucking GOD. Take me. Take me now. Fill me with that hard cock…

Sihtric smiled and hummed, 'hm, nicely?' he asked again, moving his other hand to push up your skirt, 'now be honest, miss. How do you wish to be treated? Nicely?' he trailed his hand up your thigh, 'or do you wish to be treated like a little slut?' he smirked.

I'm going to pass the fuck out... 

You clumsily grabbed onto the book shelf behind you as you looked at the wildly arousing man in front of you, whose fingers already had a grip on your see through tights. You were both breathing hard.

'I want to be your slut, please,' you whined, to which Sihtric's eyes darkened.��

Use me. Every part of me, please. Please, I fucking beg you, kind stranger...

Your heart was beating out of your chest when Sihtric suddenly pulled at your tights. You heard the fabric rip as he tore it to pieces, so you didn't even have to bother pulling them down for him.

Oh my god... 

'Oh my god!' you breathed, holding onto that shelf for dear life as your knees were trembling underneath you.

Ravage me…

'Don't worry, baby,' Sihtric cooed with a raspy voice, leaning his forehead against yours, 'I will fucking ravage you.'

How the fuck did he know I-

Sihtric pulled down your panties with one swift move, then turned you around, bending you over as he pushed your skirt up further and slapped your ass cheek hard, all within a split second.

'Oh, fuck!' you screamed, grabbing onto the bookshelf again, which you were now facing, trying to grasp what was happening.

Oh, god, he's rough. FUCK, he's so hot…

you breathed hard when you heard Sihtric unbuckle his belt behind you, and the sound of his jeans falling down made you moan.

I wonder how big his-

'Oh, fuck! Oh my god! Oh! Ohhhh, god!' you cried out, your fingers desperately scratching to keep a grip onto the cabinet, as the kind, new guy in town pushed his entire length inside your dripping wet folds.

Oh, jesus, he's really fuck big…

You moaned as you adjusted to him.

'Too big for my slut?' Sihtric grinned as he leaned back, massaging your recently slapped ass cheek while he checked you out from behind, enjoying the sight of his member all shoved inside your tightness.

'No,' you exhaled sharply as you felt him slowly slide out, 'just how I like it.' 

He's going to kill me with his cock… 

'Yeah? Just how you like it?' Sihtric chuckled and grabbed your hips, slamming hard into, just once, with a loud groan.

'Oh, fuck!' you cried, one hand slipping from the bookshelf above you, landing onto a lower shelf where you kept your hand to keep yourself up.

Just give it to me already… just fucking give it!

Sihtric exhaled sharply at your thought. He was going to give it to you, no doubt in his mind.

'Are you going to be a good little slut?' he asked, pulling your hips hard against his, leaving no space, filling you up so well.

'Mhm,' you hummed, you couldn't even think anymore.

'I asked,' Sihtric slapped your ass again, 'are you going to be a good little slut for me?'

'Yes! God! Yes! I will be a good little slut for you,' you moaned, feeling him pull out again, 'I want you to fuck me real good, baby boy.'

'I'm not your baby boy,' Sihtric hissed, slamming back into you again, making the entire cabinet of books shake as he did.

'Oh, fuck!' you desperately held onto the shelf above you, Sihtric saw your fingertips turn white. 'F-fuck me, d-daddy,' you laughed with ragged breath.

Sihtric hummed, pulling out slowly again, and he leaned in, placing his hand on yours on the shelf above you, as he held your hip firmly with his other hand, locking you in.

Fuck, fuck… you breathed hard as you felt his lips brushing lightly against your ear, he's going to fucking ravage me, oh fuck…

'I am not your daddy,' he whispered and chuckled, before he inhaled sharply and said, 'you will address me with 'Lord'.'

OH MY GO-

'Oh, LORD!' you screamed out as Sihtric started slamming into you with a violent, ravaging pace. 

Your legs were shaking, the cabinet with books rattled in sync with each thrust and the sound his hips snapping into you, accompanied by his heavy grunts each time he filled you up, had to be the most delicious sound you ever heard. You moaned hard, loud, and fast and tears filled your eyes at Sihtric's insanely hard and heavy pace.

Fuck, he feels so good, oh fuck… I will be his slut every day… any time oh…

'You feel so good,' you murmured, cock drunk and almost unable to speak, 'am I… a-a good… little slut, my Lord?'

'Yeah,' Sihtric laughed wickedly as he continued his pace, 'you're such a pretty,' he grunted, 'tight, little slut for me.' 

He slammed hard and deep into you, with such force, it caused books to fall off the shelves on the other side of the cabinet.

'Oh, no… t-the… books,' you moaned. Oh whatever… oh, god, he feels so good…

You closed your eyes and smiled, biting down on your lip with tears rolling down your face as the man you met only a few hours ago was railing you good in that backroom.

'You like that?' Sihtric asked with heavy breaths.

'Y-yes, Lord,' you sighed. I don't know how much more I can take… fuck, he needs to fill me up with his cum. Oh, god, I want it everywhere. In my pussy, in my mouth, on my ass…

'Ah, fuck!' Sihtric grunted, his pace becoming a little sloppy as your thoughts made him go wild, 'I'll fill you up good,' he said as he tried to compose himself, and he suddenly pulled out.

'No!' you cried.

What the fuck!

'Get on your knees,' Sihtric ordered.

'Yes, Lord,' you said and obeyed, with your cheeks flushed, hair messy, teary eyes and a sore pussy. Anything for you, lord.

Sihtric hummed with a smile, he thought you looked absolutely stunning right now, on your knees in front of him, after he had fucked your pussy all sore and red.

'Open up,' he smiled and grabbed your chin with one hand.

'Yes, Lord,' you smiled and opened your mouth wide.

Fuck my mouth… you looked up at him, choke me with your cock…

Sihtric shook his head lightly and chuckled as he looked down at you. A pretty lady he only met a few hours ago, who seemed so innocent at first glance, and here you were; begging to have your pretty little mouth fucked.

'Be a good little cum slut now, and thank me for my help,' he husked and smiled slyly with half open eyes.

'Yes, Lord,' you sighed, bringing both hands to his big, hard cock, working his length as you teased his tip with your tongue, and you looked up at him, locking eyes. 

He's so fucking big… and so hot

And then you took him in your mouth, feeling him twitch on your tongue as Sihtric let out a deep growl, grabbing the back of your head with both hands, and he started fucking your mouth almost as fast as he had fucked your pussy.

Oh fuckkkk, you looked up at him, tears rolling down your face again, I can barely fucking breathe, you moaned, but if I suffocate…. What a way to go…

Sihtric chuckled and gave you some air. A mixture of your saliva and his precum dripped down your chin and onto your blouse as he pulled out, and you wiped your mouth with a grin while you caught your breath.

'Already done, Lord?' you taunted, using your hands on him again.

Hmm, I'm going to suck you dry, my lord, you smiled and licked your lips as you looked up at him.

'Suck me,' was all Sihtric said, and he thrusted into your mouth as soon as you took him in again.

You felt yourself gag and breathing hard, and you moved one hand down to your core, fucking yourself with your fingers as Sihtric fucked your mouth.

Jesus fucking christ, this all feels so fucking good…

You moaned with your mouth full, feeling yourself tense up as it barely took anything to push you over your edge. Your body jerked as you fucked yourself through your own high, just when Sihtric pulled out and told you to open up again.

Please, please cum on my tongue... You opened your mouth and stuck out your tongue as you looked up at Sihtric. He kept a firm grip on your chin and brought his twitching cock to your mouth, teasing you by slapping it against your tongue before he came with an animalistic growl.

Yes, yes! Oh god, yes…

You felt his warm cum drip down your tongue and you swallowed whatever you could. And you literally had no thoughts anymore as you just sat there, in the library backroom. On your knees, on the floor, with swollen lips, red cheeks glistening from your tears, messy hair, leftover cum running down your chin while your skirt was pushed up to your waist, your panties pulled down to your ankles and your tights shredded to pieces. And you watched Sihtric nonchalantly pull up his jeans and buckle up his belt.

He crouched down in front of you and smiled.

'Is this a special benefit of having a library card?'

You chuckled as Sihtric tried to clean your face up with some tissues he had grabbed from his backpack.

'Yeah,' you smiled, 'special benefit, but only for you,' you said as you looked at him.

God, you're so gorgeous… and sweet even… trying to clean up the mess you made. Fuck, I wish I could take you home, make you dinner, do your laundry… oh for fuck sakes. God, I'm pathetic… I don't even know him and I already want to be his wife…

'How about I give you my number?' Sihtric smiled, 'and we'll pick a day to meet up soon again.'

You looked at him with big eyes.

What??? Wasn't this just a one time hookup? what the fu-

'And we'll have a date,' Sihtric chuckled lightly, 'a real date. I'll cook you dinner.'

'Oh… I– I,' you were speechless, out loud and in your mind.

'Actually,' Sihtric pecked your lips, 'I insist. To thank you for your fantastic customer service, and to get to know you better.'

******************

taglist: @clairacassidy @finanmoghra @uunotheangel @hb8301 @bathedinheat @neonhairspray @anaeve @bubblyabs @travelingmypassion @sylas-the-grim @heimtathurs @bubbles-for-all-of-us @andakth @chompchompluke @willowbrookesblog @lady-targaryens-world @skyofficialxx @diosademuerte @elle4404 @alexagirlie

[DM to be added to/removed from taglist! & don’t be shy to like, reblog & comment!🖤]

[romsabombs]

malevolent 43 was insane so here are my notes. my live reactions while listening. enjoy :)

god i feel so sick already

EW AD☹️

okayyyy voices

is it kayne watching

oh god this again

hes way more dramatic this time i think

ermm??

yuck😨

omg queen!!! indeed queen💅💖

i have no idea whats going on

ohhh dang

IS HE GETTING CHAINED UP

im so nervous and scared and afraid

yorrick lore episode?? :3

ohhh yeahh he was the prince's skull

JOHNNNN🥳🥳🥳

omg yes talk to eachother!!! bond!

HAHA JOHN WHY ARE YOU TELLING HER ALL THIS

yesss KING AND QUEENNN

omg hastur he-who-is-not-to-be-named lord of carcosa thats the thing kayne said

OKAYYYYY 💅💅

WHO😐 HAHAAA💀💀

yesss you tell him girl!! they broke into YOUR house‼️

ohhh erm what😶

"i am the king in yellow" SHE DOESNT CARE JOHN

ermmmmmm erm erm uhh

i have no idea how to describe kingqueen relationship rn

"you are no god i have witnessed" "no. but i am a god" such good lines

she should read oscars note lol

LORE LORE LORE yess tell us about this world queen🎀

"and yet you moan on a table beneath my knife👹" okayyy shes vicious💅

YORRICK SNITCH

"my transition" okay🤨🏳️‍⚧️

yo i have no idea what's going on

she said i know what u are🤨

LILY MENTION LILY MENTION

👹LIES👹 girl we're having a moment

"you gained humanity as a prisoner" okayyy true hmmm..

gosh this is heavy

bestiary mentioned :))

her ass is NOT listening

i have no idea how to picture this scene in my head

ohh she was hurt by humans☹️ because her ass is a witch

two sides of the same coin

YOUR MOTHER? omg a name

arthur is straight up dead and we're doing the traumadumping hour

😀☹️😞 :( :( oh darling

mother darkness is my drag name

okay shes got a point tho🫡

YORRICK DONT HAHA shut up!!

oh!! :3

ermmm third wheeling over here

yorrick finally does something good (shuts the fuck up)

death for the undying⛓️💔

hell brings about the truth in people🔥🔥🔥 these lines go hard

im sure you did😒😒

can you believe this episode is 52 minutes long

imagine arthur laying on the floor family guy pose while all this emotional stuff is happening

BEDROCK RAAHHHH

"our" :3333

even the witch knows hes a child

"silent to all but those who can hear🗣️🗣️🗣️"

"i am not forgotten. not by him" :((

i remember you my king!! 🤓🥰

larson mansion arc throwback

"i saved him" erm you're the reason he went crazy in the first place

FUCK YOU👹 does she even know that word

john finally gets therapy not clickbait

ok shut up john my headphones are dying

ok we're back

"i tried to kill a man who i felt was in my way" 💀💀

HAHA SHES SO MEAN

okay now arthur is the child

dont go to the dark side pookie🙏

bro this shit is none of her business stay out of it

MY LOVE FOR ARTHURRREEE🥳🥳 WE WON!!!!!!!!!!!🔥‼️🗣️

ermm 😶 come on johnn🙏

arthur said i can fix him and then did!!

WOAHAHSHFHCBXNSN WHA😨😨

WOAHHHHH WHATATTTT QUEEN??

HAHAHA WHY DID YOU DO THAT

ERMMMMMMMM HES WHAT

😀😀HEAVY BREATHINGGG

OKAYYYYYYY JOHNN🥰🥰

RAHHHH👹👹👹 hes so sigma

yo what the hell is happening

😨😨😨😨HUH

this witch sure loves stabbing arthur

TRUEEE we r in her home!!

his ass is not really gone come on

do true loves kiss or whatever or like shed a tear and it'll land on him and he'll be alive again because magic

"🤢JOHN🤢" okayy rude🙄

mm yeah true why did you leave

😀john stay with us🙏🗣️ pretty pls

i miss arthurs voice its really nice

FRIEND MENTIONED like from s1 :3

HIS ASS ISNT GONE what would the show be without him bruh

jesus christ

NO NONONONOOO NO COME ON

🫣🫣 ermm 😶

man arthurs only purpose is to be a vessel huh :( :(

isn't john like bound to this body

what a mess :/ how will we fix this

girl u barely know him why do u care

"ignorant false morals" 😒girl

i wanna know what she thinks about the trolley problem

maybe don't listen to her she just murdered your boyfriend twice. thrice

GIRL YOU DONT EVEN KNOW HIM

shut up🙄 dont piss me off you killed my boy

ohh arthur i miss him already

erm john!!!! dont say allat😀

GOD DAMN IT we got so far man

hail to the king🗣️🗣️🗣️

NEW BODY??

ok now shes worshipping him😒

:( he says arthurs name so coldly. absolutely no emotion in his voice☹️

DONT TELL HER!!!!

ugh hes back to his kiy voice

im gonna kill myself actually

"think of the object you desire to find" imagine a rosetoy just appears

OH OH OH OH HAHA YEAHH HAHAA

this is awesome actually

faroes song goes hard

ohhh hes back :3

yorrick is so cutiepatootie

oh wait is he okay😨

OH NO

OH :3 HAHA YORRICK💀💀

insane episode

aye we cant save arthur without another deal with the devil i think

where's kayne when you need him

john this speech is embarrassing you're not an alpha wolf

john non binary arc🙏

..meaning??🧐

"i choose you. to be a part of you" ☹️ pokemon reference for a sec

yorrick embodiment of sillyness

yeah doll him up before reviving him

"your love for your friend" yorrick is so third wheeling

oh he feels human :3 i feel so sigma

cant we just let arthur stay dead let bro rest in peace he's been through enough

ARTHUR :33 WOAHHH😨😨

yeah i guess that musta hurt huh

yo is his ass okay😀😀

arthur is in Pain Painnn

ima have dreams about this one

[left4deadstuck]

You bite your lower lip. You don't think being straight to the point with Karkat would be a good idea… Though you considered it heavily before ultimately choosing to go with an apology.

Okay… Here it comes.

Dave: hey. Dave: im… sorry Dave: im sorry man

Your voice is quiet. Maybe too quiet, making you think the other didn't hear you. So you look up to glance at the other.

Dave: genuinely i Dave: i didnt think wed see each other like

You don’t get the chance to finish before he raises his hand to cut you off.

Karkat: YOU KNOW IF I WANTED TO WATCH SOMEONE VOMIT THE FLIMSIEST APOLOGY KNOWN TO MAN, I'D GO OUTSIDE AND WATCH ONE OF THE INFECTED ASSHOLES OUT THERE THROW UP THEIR GUTS ONTO THE PAVEMENT. Karkat: AND IT WOULD STILL BE A BETTER "SORRY" THAN ANYTHING YOUR BATTER BRAINED SKULL COULD CONJURE UP RIGHT NOW. Karkat: SO SAVE US BOTH THE EMBARRASSMENT AND SHUT UP FOR GODSAKES

You scowl, back straightening. Goddamnit now you remember. Remember how much of a crabby jackass he is.

Dave: oh Dave: because sitting in the dark while silently death glaring at each other is productive Dave: cause we got all the time in the world to just kick back and do absolutely nothing but seethe at each other Dave: not like i was trying t

Karkat: TO DO WHAT EXACTLY? BE REMORSEFUL? BE ACTUALLY APOLOGETIC WITH NO ULTERIOR MOTIVE DESPITE KNOWING I CAN BE OF USE TO YOU? Karkat: DO YOU HONESTLY TAKE ME FOR SOME KIND OF FUCKING IDIOT?! Karkat: THAT I WOULD EVEN HUMOR THE IDEA THAT YOU'RE ACTUALLY SORRY?!! Karkat: THAT I'LL JUST TOSS MY RESENTMENT AND FRUSTRATION OUT INTO THE ATMOSPHERE BECAUSE POOR OL' STRIDER IS JUST A PATHETIC LUMP OF BRUISES! Karkat: *FAT FUCKING CHANCE.* Karkat: YOU COULD BE FOLDED INTO THE MOST DISGUSTING AND AGONIZING EXAMPLE OF HUMAN ORIGAMI AND I'D STILL BE "SEETHING" Karkat: SO YEAH, *I’M SORRY* THAT I DECIDED NOT TO WASTE MY TIME AND ENERGY HEARING YOUR LOUSY ATTEMPT AT A HEART TO HEART

Dave: … Dave: sigh

Once upon a time Jade had asked you and your mutual group of friends to test out the latest version of her new project. A mental inventory system that had a very convoluted retrieval and sorting system. Luckily her team was quick to fix that after your group’s trials with it.

Jade never really told you exactly why, but you always speculated that some people on her team, or well, someone, didn’t really trust your legitimacy enough when signing your NDA. Maybe it shouldn’t have surprised you though, after all you have made a name for yourself with your bizarre level of spectacles you do for the sake of irony.

It did not thrill you to find out the next morning that you would now deal with the living embodiment of “stick up the ass” as your personal bodyguard for however long the trial had to last for. Despite your best efforts to get rid of the guy, you’ve quickly learned a few things about Mr. Vantas here. One of those things being that he is skeptical and stubborn to a fault.

Well, there it goes, your plans being haplessly thrown out the window! Poor sons of bitches didn’t even have a chance-

You hear a snap next to your ear

Karkat: JESUS CHRIST CAN YOU STOP MUMBLING TO YOURSELF FOR A SECOND AND PAY ATTENTION

Dave: what Dave: you have another drawn out monologue about how god awful i am? Dave: are you sure your throat can handle that shakespeare Dave: ya dont exactly have the voice for stage anymore with all that smoke Dave: but lets be real here Dave: its probably a good thing that you cant blow out anyone within a 10 ft radius of you eardrums anymore because you decided to make causal conversation

Karkat: YOU MOUTHY FUCKING PRICK- Karkat: CAN YOU DO THE WORLD Karkat: AND ME ESPECIALLY Karkat: A FUCKING FAVOR TO SHOVE WHATEVER BULLSHIT YOU HAVE IN YOUR WINDPIPE AND FUCKING LET ME TELL YOU WHAT I ACTUALLY WANT TO TELL YOU FOR FIVE FUCKING SECONDS

Dave: ok sir ill be on my best behavior for "five fucking seconds"

Karkat:THANK YOU, GODDAMN. Karkat: AS MUCH AS I WOULD LOVE TO JUST KICK YOUR USELESS ASSES OUT OF MY HOUSE, I DON’T THINK I’LL BE ABLE TO SURVIVE A FIGHT BETWEEN YOUR POTENTIALLY TRIGGER HAPPY HELLSPAWN. Karkat: AND ALTHOUGH I THINK IT’S WITHIN MY RIGHT TO FEEL THIS LEVEL OF BRIGHT HOT ANGER TOWARDS ALL OF YOU… Karkat: SIGHS … I

He looks up at the ceiling as if his next few words are the greatest offense that any higher power could have subjected him to utter.

Karkat: (GOD I MUST BE MORE SICK THAN I THOUGHT.) Karkat: I, FOR SOME REASON THAT SHOULD BE IMPOSSIBLE SEEING AS I HAVE DEALT WITH ENOUGH OF YOUR TOTAL TRASH FIRE OF A PREDICAMENT, BUT HERE I AM EVER THE GLUTTON FOR MORE SELF-INFLICTED MISERY

Dave: yeah yeah i get it Dave: im a dick get to the point

Karkat: I DON’T WANT YOU TO DIE, YOU COMPLETE JACKASS!

Karkat: AND I HATE THAT CAUSE THAT RISKS MY LIFE FOR SOMEONE I ABSOLUTELY DON'T OWE SHIT TO, BUT NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES I TRY TO THINK OF A REASON TO JUSTIFY IT TO MYSELF I CAN’T. Karkat: I CAN'T LIVE EASY KNOWING THAT IF SOMEONE DIED, EVEN IF THAT SOMEONE IS FUCKING YOU...I Karkat: I DON'T NEED TO EXPLAIN SURVIVORS GUILT YOU YOU FUCKING KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT

Dave: oh Dave: uh Dave:th Karkat: NO SHUT THE FUCK UP Karkat: FUCKING Karkat: NO!

Karkat: HAVING A SENSE OF COMPASSION STILL DOESN’T CHANGE THE FACT THAT IT’S EITHER I HELP OR I DIE. Karkat: DON’T TAKE THE FACT THAT I SOMEHOW STILL HAVE MY MORALS INTACT AS FLATTERY. Karkat: INSTEAD BURY THAT IDEA SO FAR IN THE WORTHLESS SLUDGE YOU CALL A THOUGHT PROCESS UNTIL IT ATOMIZES INTO NONEXISTEN-!

He must've worked himself up. You watch him as he moves out of your space to turn and hack up a cloud of smoke. Well, if this isn’t just the perfect time to digest the clusterfuck he has given you. While it is great that he is going to help you out, he’s doing it out of fear and as fuck up as it is, it’s an advantage you have over him.

Though is it a good idea to go along with that? That could risk him fucking you all over and abandoning all of you last minute. You could gain his trust, maybe offer him something that he might want, but even then what would you give him, you have no clue if you have anything to offer him, not to mention that again, he could still just ditch the plan when the opportunity shows up.

What are you going to do?

===> AUDIENCE

[darkniters]

i wrote this in 2021 for cscoop but i will replace coopers name with schlatts. enjoy!

-

"very sorry about having to delay the video again! i'm working really really hard on it, just give me some extra time, and i'll have it up by next week!"

... i feel bad for lying to the fans, but what am i supposed to say in a situation like this. 'oh sorry loyal viewers of the y/c/n youtube channel, ive been a bit busy having a child.'

i hadn't told anyone about her, and i wasn't really planning on it until she was old enough to conveniently walk into my recording studio. i made a really bad decision months ago when i decided to fuck a dude i didn't know, but the outcome was truly someone beautiful.

i sighed and decided that i should maybe try get a video out by next week, so i get off my ass and head to my recording room. however, before i do so i go to my own room to check on my little girl.

she's sleeping peacefully in the dimly lit room, nothing but her soft breathing being heard. i smile, not in a million years would i expect this to happen. when i found out i was pregnant i was mortified, i told nobody, i still haven't, what will they think of me if they found out i just fucked a random dude? i'd be slaughtered for sure. however, when i first lay eyes on her, i knew that she deserved all the love in the world, for she was perfect.

instead of staring at my child for the next hour i decide to finally get out of the room and work on the video i promised. it was already recorded, just editing to do, so the fun parts already over with. instead of wearing headphones, i let the sound come straight from my speakers, with my pc turned down extremely low, just to not disturb my daughters slumber.

the videos not too hard to edit, just a gameplay of castle crashers with the sleep deprived gang. the memories of the recording session rushed back as i was editing, a smile was brought to my face.

"go dude get his ass!' i yell into my mic.

'you're fuckin alive too y/n, help me out here!' schlatt responds 'besides, you were all talk earlier, what was that you said 'ougghhh i'm sooo good at castle crashers i finished all of it on the original xbox, you guys wont get any opportunity to shine.'

the rest of the group laugh as schlatt teases. mika ended up getting the final kill on the boss.

'god, you two tease SO much, why dont you two just fuck already?' mika joked. the group laughed once more, however, i was left thinking... is this really what everyone else thinks? do they know im pregnant? oh god...

'you good y/n? shit was a joke please dont think too much about it. i dont wanna get too many thoughts into your head.' mika interrupts your thought process.

'dont worry moka, i was just thinkin of a good response, since schlatts mouth is a little too full at the moment.' i smile, leading up to a bit, hoping schlatt gets where i'm trying to go with it. i never actually thought of cooper as such, however, the idea was intriguing... i wouldn't say no if he ever asked me out... and with this little dude on the way, itd be a good help.

'my mouths too full? what the fucks that supposed to mean?' schlatt quizzes, surprisingly he doesn't know what i'm leading up to. thats not like jschlatt...

'your mouths filled up with deez nuts dog, jesus christ' you giggle, schlatt groans in response, a bang on his desk being heard over the discord call. once again the other members in the call erupted into laughter.

'how'd you miss that coming, schlatt! i saw that shit from 300 miles away!' aztro struggles to say, her voice filled with laughter.

'surley.' mika simply says.

'look shut up, i'm a bit stup- oH SHIT WATCH YOUR ASSES WE HAVENT SAVED' schlatt yells out, but it's a little bit too late, as each knights health runs to 0.

the video was edited in the span of 3 hours, and with regular checks on the wee doll, everything was going fine.

you let your subscribers know that the video was done and ready to be uploaded with a tweet and youtube community post.

'hey dudes! the videos all ready to upload! see you guys again next week!'

as soon as i posted, likes and quote retweets were flying in. the people in the replies were ecstatic, and all of the dudes were dropping 'welcome backs :D' in the comments.

however, when i saw the response from schlatt, i swear my smile beamed more.

'welcome back fuckhead, we hangin later, yea? awesome, i'll be an hour ;)'

though my smile didn't last, for i looked down to see my daughter in my arms. oh. fuck.

what's schlatt gonna say when he sees you?!

hes gonna think im a whore! oh fuck my friendships gone hes gonna tell everyone, and im just getting feelings for him and everythings goin- woah hold on.

. . .

it sounds so right to say that?

i have feelings... for johnathan jschlatt...

i have feelings for johnathan jschlatt...

i have FEELINGS for JOHNATH okay we get it.

there's definitely a blush on my face, but i gotta put this newly discovered truth to the side, cause this silly little goobers here. what do i do?! i cant just stuff her into a closet! my plans foiled!

aegghhh...

this panic ensures for an hour, until that dreadful moment where theres a knock on the door.

i put her back into my bedroom, hoping that theres a chance that maybe she'll sleep again?

and walk back down the hall...

to the front door...

and slowly pull the handle...

to reveal...

...

schlatt, of course, who else was i expecting.

"schlatty!" i exclaim, pulling him into a tight hug.

"ey, whats up y/n," schlatt responds, return the hug, placing his head atop of mine. "you've been offline for a bit and wanted to see if everythings good. i hope you don't mind me suddenly coming over." he chuckles.

i smile in relief, hes so chill all the time. "don't worry, i've just been a bit.. pre-occupied, i'm perfect as usual dude." i close the door after schlatt, and we both walk into the living room.

theres no shortage of conversations, johnathan talks about how him, mika and pandah recently had a massive clear out, and he found an old glow in the dark ring i won for him in an arcade years ago.

-

"'we're only 20 points away from being able to get anything from the prize counter, come on john, lets play some easy mini games!' a 18 year old y/n replays in your mind.

'you want to get something so bad get your own points... i'll keep watch though cause i know you too well, y/n.' johnathan responds. 'besides, you wouldn't want me to miss if you got something huge, right?'

i stick my tongue out, preparing to spin a wheel with numerous numbers of points on them. it finally lands on 100 points, which definitely isn't the most but it's not the lowest amount either.

'YOOOOO!' you yell in unison, claiming your points.

as we arrive at the counter, i see this glow in the dark ring and decide 'john will hate me for this'

so i purchased it, and jokingly proposed to johnathan. to my surprise, he said yes, and wore it back to his house, his parents question it, i remember. they've been very keen on johnathan and i getting together, ever since we were younger. too bad my plans changed...

as we both kept reminiscing of the past and our food arrived, everything was going quite well. she was silent for majority of the time schlatt was in my home, which is really lucky.

we would occasionally go silent, and during that time i would scan johnathans face. he'd catch me starting from time, and he'd stare at me with forced wider eyes. we'd laugh at this.

unfortunately the moment was ruined, for a small, frail cry could be heard down the hall. at this moment i could feel my soul leave my body FUCK

"dude..." johnathan begins hesitantly. he looks extremely confused. "you.. you fuckin... child dlc?"

you both laugh at the comment, however he still looks lost. the kids probably best not to be left crying, so i head to the room to bring her down the hall. i come back, and his face shows a bit more understanding.

"woah." he gawks. his head relaxing on his shoulders and his muscles un-tensing. a smile is brought to my face.

at this point the small wails from the girl has stopped, her tiny frame in your arms as you sit down next to johnathan, a little closer than last.

"shes my little dude! sorry i didnt really say anything... i didnt want anyone to know, especially the youtube dudes..." at the end i trail off, thinking how stupid that sounds. these guys are some of my closest friends, why would they judge me for something like this?

one of his arms wrap around my shoulder and the other wraps around the little girl in my arms. theres a tranquil smile on his face, as he looks down at her.

"why'd you think hiding something this cool was good idea, y/n? look at her! she's awesome, i'm sure the dudes will love her!" he laughs. he leans his head against mine, and my face grows warm. "still surprised you 'got some' though, yknow what im sayin?" you can feel a faint smile tug your lips.

schlatts finger runs down the childs arm softly, and ends at her hand. he stopped and stared as her tiny fingers gripped around his finger. truth be told, he was astatic that his long time friend had a child. he was so happy to see his friend happy, and to have her here in his arms, and her daughter made everything better.

he loved you.

he kept staring at the little girl in my arms, his eyes unmoving, but there were another set of eyes that were unmoving.

my eyes kept on schlatts face, a dazed smile plastered on both of our faces. unnoticed, i put my hand over johnathans which rested on my shoulder.

his eyes move to look at mine, a shimmer in his eyes as his pupils grow. i study his face, his pasty physique now grazed with a soft pink, and his lips slightly parted. his eyes seem to be doing the same as yours.

his hands turning around to grasp mine, and just now am i noticing how silent the room is, all that is heard is the breathing from the three of us. a nervous smile once again graces my lips, leaning my back into johnathan a little more.

after a couple of more seconds of decision on wether or not this is what we should be doing, our mouths finally meet.

it was a very quick kiss, but we take no time at all to go back for a second, then a third.

and then a fourth.

once finished, we both smiled and looked down, both of our faces a rose like color. johnathans hands still caught by the girl in my arms, and my own.

"i could get used to this." johnathan says after some time, his head leaning into mine. all three of us falling asleep on one another. i hum in response, with a small chuckle coming through. i turn my head and give him another kiss on the cheek, and as i do it his cheeks turn red again. some of his brown hair falls down closer to his face as he looks at me again, simply to return the favor.

his lips are slightly chapped, but still feel soft and perfect against yours, he parts first, feeling his finger finally being let go. she had fallen asleep.

"my fingers sweaty... euch" he whispers, making a grossed out noise at the end. he leaned back into you. "love you."

i feel hot again.

"love you too johnathan."

-

this story was better when it wasnt jschlatt dont care hope you enjoyed

[chipthekeeper]

acolyte episode 7 commentary wheeeeee

- Aw shit here we go again. Another Acolyte night. Hopefully we're going back to Brendok, get some answers. Hopefully I don't have to watch anyone I like die. Although that's, you know, probably gonna happen. At least I probably won't see any naked fucking men……That's a plus

- I miss Andor. I miss Bee being in the helmet..droid..thingy

- I still think it looks like Aldhani

- What are we doing, Jedi? Surveying for a temple? That's just a metal detector [chuckles]

- “I want to go home to Coruscant” okay Reath

- “blah blah blah hyperspace disaster” [biggest gasp yet for the whole show] FINALLY!! FINALLY!! Oh my god. That was the most exciting thing that's happened!!!

- “A vergence could create life like what we see on this planet” I-I just…I'm nerding out so hard right now. And I think I have to rewind because I was too busy freaking out and not paying attention but…oh my god. This is so cool!!!

- I'm going to have to watch this twice ‘cause I'm already thinking too much and not watching, not listening

- Has the logo changed or am I crazy?

- Sol you bastard. Why are you doing this? This is crazy…..Wow, so he's sneaking around the whole fucking time. Bastard. God

- Did he kill Koril? That's gonna piss me off…….Is he going to kill all of them? That's gonna piss me off

- They’re in danger from you, you creep!

- Y'all…..can't you just politely knock on the door?

- I don't like this, bro…..Sol just goes in, just making shit up

- (Aniseya goes into Torbin’s mind) Hm…..[chuckling] This is cool. Ohhhh this is cool. Yoooooo oh my god……Is this what Qimir was doing?

- “I feel she’s meant to be my padawan” That's fucked, dude

- (Sol gets a culture lesson) Fucking thank you Indara

- “Do not confuse what you want with what Osha wants” Well it is what they both want, I guess. But it's WEIRD for him to want that

- It looks like Aldhani I'm fucking dying

- When do we fight? I want to see the fiiiiight

- “Everyone must walk through fear. Everyone must be sacrificed to fulfill their destiny” Wut….WHAT….Yo, what? Like what’s... huh….What?

- [groaning] I've got a bad feeliiinnngggg…..

- Do we have to keep saying m-count?

- “The twins were artificially created” no SHIT

- If Osha leaves does that mean all of them…die and the planet dies?....If the f- I'm so confused. There's some crazy shit happening

- “Right now, I choose mother” Is she the only character in this whole show that I respect?

 - (Sol listening to the twins’ conversation through the force somehow?) Dude, what the fuck?!

- “You can not let her in your head again” pfft. I don’t think he had much of a choice

- So she's not entirely a little psycho but she was pushed to it. Didn't seem like it took much of a nudge though

- “Someday those noble intentions you have will destroy every Jedi in the galaxy” oop. Almost!

- (Aniseya turns into black vapor?) WHAT the HELLLL?? What the-what what what what what what what in fuck….(Sol stabs her) Woah noooo….. you fucking bastard…..Fuck you Sol…

- Oh work it Torbin! Yellow lightsaber!.....Koril kick his bitch ass….

- So we're getting all this and we still don't know….how they were created? still not getting the fight with Kelnacca?

- (koril also turns to vapor) Yeeheehee!! Can they all do that?!.....oh we’re doing that fight now? OH HOHOHO let’s go……are they…are they all playing? What the fuck is happening

- (Indara does…whatever that was) wwwwwwhat the fuck…..what did she just do…..what did-what kind of power was that and where's Koril did that kill her???

- (Sol lets go of Mae to save Osha) You never wanted that one, did you….Wow you bastard….I never was part of the Sol Patrol, I want that on record. Lee Jung-jae fan, but I was not a fan of him

- “What will we tell the council?” Not the truth! “We will tell the council the truth” uh, no…

- Okay, part of the truth……certainly playing in the gray areas, aren’t we?

- (episode just ends) Oh wow it's already done? Jesus that was…that was very sudden. And only one more to go…..I'm not gonna lie I'm very unsatisfied with that……I mean I liked what we got but there should have been a lot more. There should have been a whole lot more to this whole season. If this show had had Andor time…It could be fucking amazing. But as it is…just unsatisfying, that's what I'm that's what I'm gonna go with [gasps] Joonas!

y'all there are so many mysteries left, i'm.....so worried for the finale

[nerd-cat-rambles]

Danganronpa Chapter 5 - V3 Daily Life:

SPOILERS AHEAD DON'T READ UNLESS YOU'VE PLAYED ALL OF CHAPTER 5!!!

ALSO, SPOILERS FOR THE MASTERMIND, BECAUSE I FIGURED IT OUT!!!

Cute Kaimaki to begin, because they're such cuties.

Aight, the people who haven't played should be gone by now!

--- The Start:

DANGANRONPA V3!!! DROP A MAKI HIMIKO FRIENDSHIP ARC THIS CHAPTER AND MY LIFE IS YOURS!!!!!!!!!!!!

(I love them both sm, and Tsumugi is great too, and Kaito, and KOKCIHI IS SO FUCKING MESSED UP I LOVE IT RAHHH!!!)

I'm listening to Linger aughhhh

BAHAHAHAH KEEBO ROLLING OUT OF THE HYDRAULIC PRESS IS SO FUNNY, IMAGINE THAT WITHOUT CONTEXT BAHAHAH-

"rush in peace Keebo"

HELP THE HIDDEN MONOKUMA IS BREAKDANCING

Also: Kokichi where tf are you? U gon die soon if you don't come bacl bbg.

--- THEORIES!!!

Maki FTE: "A daughter of a Yakuza leader. She was a child mistress with no ties to the gang. Her father loved her very much... which is why she was seen as dangerous. The yakuza's elites decided to have her removed, in case rival groups used her."

...

Natsumi Kuzuryu...?

--- MAKI AND KAITOOO!

MAKI TEACHING KAITO THE CROSSBOW, AUGH MY HEART OHH THEY'RE SO CUTE.

(Kaito's gonna die soon, he's planning a murder.)

ALSO, WHERE IS BB KOKICHI, HUH?!

Shuichi: While watching those two... I thought of a similar scene. Kaito struggling while Maki gave him instructions...

FUCK! KAITO YOU'RE GONNA DIE. KAITO DON'TTTTT

How lovely :3

"D-Dammit... why now? Why me? I haven't... even... gone to s-space yet..." say that shit again and I'm BAWLING, KAITO. BAWLING. BAWLING!!!!!

OMG ONE MORE FTE AND I FINISH ALL OF TSUMUGIS! YAY OMG I LOVE HER SM IM SO HAPPY AND EXCITED OMG OMG OMG OM GAHHHHH AUGHHHHH I LOVE HERRRRRRR!

--- Kaito Momota is NOT the luminary of the stars:

GUYS I JUST REALISED KAITO KEEPS MAKING SIMPSONS REFERENCES HELP

Kaito always says "WHY YOU-" or "Why you little-" or "Why, you better-" and stops halfway through. He's a goddam simpsons reference. Kaito Momota Ultimate Accidental Simpsons Reference.

Me when goddamronpa.

I CLEARED THE STUPID TUNNEL GAME IN 3 TRIES OMG HIMIKO SAVED ME, I ATE IT UP, AUGHHH I HATED THAT BUT I DID IT SO FAST OMG YAY

--- Gofer Project is a goofy ass name:

Bro the Gofer project chooses 16 students as the saviours of humanity... and they choose a mf who doesn't remember his talent, a ROBOT, a magician, a COSPLAYER and a bug guy...

Erm okay guys.

Why the hell is Kokichi controlling the exisals, I don't believe he's the mastermind what the hell.

Kaito punching people:

Shuichi, Kokichi, he just punches people.

Also Maki's voice line... goddam "STOP IT!!!" like goddam girl.

GUYS. KOKICHI JUST SAID "YUPPERS".

I say that quite often help-

"THIS SCHOOL IS MINE, I AM THE KING!" jesus okay chill out there blud.

--- Poor Shuichi...:

"There's no reason...to keep living."

"There's no reason to live."

"I don't care. If I...just kill my-"

Maki saving Shuichi rn.

Oh my fucking God, Junko is in the flashback light, if she's somehow the bloody mastermind again I'm gonna cry.

THE KILLING GAME OF THE 78TH CLASS??? *crying, screaming, KIYOTAKA IS ON THE SCREEN IN DRV3 GUYS!!!!* <- That image brings so much nostalgia omg.

Erm where is the SDR2 cast? They only get an honourable mention as "ReMnAnTs". What.

Bruh Makoto started the gofer project? AUGHHH MAKOTO FUCK OFFFFFFF ISTFG BRO-

"We just happened to be immune to the virus" <- Bro thinks he's special or smth.

IF I HAVE TO HEAR JUNKO ENOSHIMA ONE MORE TIME I SWEAR TO GOD BRO-

No guys, there's NO saving Kaito, he's sick. He's gonna die. He probably has the mysterious asteroid virus thing.

--- Guys I know who the REAL Mastermind is... fuck:

Kokichi isn't the stupid MM he's lying again.

Tsumugi: "Yeah. That's the sort of thing the remnants of despair or Kira would do."

Tsumugi Shirogane. It's you, isn't it.

Maki triggering the electro-bomb:

Keebo in the corner:

--- VICTIM ALREADY?!

Wait who the fuck is under the press?! WHO'S UNDER IT?! WHO IS IT AUGHHH

[m34gs]

Now that you're done watching S2 of Link Click please tell me your top 5 favourite scenes/moments in the series so far!

Oh this is a fun ask! Thank you for sending it to me!! I am so excited to answer this. I love this series so much and I can't wait to get started on the fic ideas I have for it! ehehehehe.

Because of spoilers, I will put the list under a cut! We will be counting down from 5 to 1, with my all-time favourite being #1! Of course, I'll include some honourable mentions, ehehe. I will be excluding the opening and ending credits from both seasons from these, as I don't consider them to be scenes (though I *know* you know the part that would be my absolute fave if I *did* include them).

Alright, which 5 Link Click scenes made Meags go absolutely feral??? Let's get to it!

5. After the earthquake dive, when Cheng Xiaoshi drops to the floor and Lu Guang immediately drops down to comfort him. God. I love that scene so much. You know. You *know* what it fuels in me. The angst. The tension. The...tension 👀👀👀. But seriously, the tenderness of it, too. The moment of just being held by someone close to you while you lose it and cry. My poor, poor baby Cheng Xiaoshi. Looking back on it, knowing what Lu Guang knew from previous dives, knowing he probably knew exactly where it was heading, and that he couldn't stop it even if he wanted to, that he would never be able to stop Cheng Xiaoshi from being overwhelmed by that dive even though he wants to never hurt him. Knowing that he went into it probably trying desperately to justify the pain he would cause his best friend just so that he could save his life. If that isn't a tragic beauty, I don't know what is.

4. Qiao Ling kicking ass in the hospital with Cheng Xiaoshi. My girl can fucking *wield* an IV pole. Love her so much. She's so fucking strong and she makes such a good team with Cheng Xiaoshi when they're fighting off the attackers. Love to see it.

3. The memory where Lu Guang appears at the basketball court. The reason this one holds a special place in my heart is because of his expression. As much as he's "just met" Cheng Xiaoshi; you can see the recognition in his eyes, the longing, the hope, the love...the "you're alive...you're still alive...I have a chance" that sits in his heart and is the only reason he can keep doing this again and again and again. It wrecks me. I love it.

2. Cheng Xiaoshi coming face to face with his own recklessness when he's possessing Lu Guang's body in the past... because oh my god that is so fucking funny. The way he went from "yessss, I just saved myself AND my boyfriend, haha, I win this time" to "jesus fuck I forgot I was an absolute impulsive dumbass" was so fucking funny. And it was so funny seeing his expressions on the usually-stoic Lu Guang's face. Gets me every time I think about it. I will never be over how fucking funny that was. I can just imagine Lu Guang later going "not so funny when you're on the receiving end of the impulsiveness, is it?" ahahahaha.

Honourable Mentions: Qiao Ling slaps Qian Jin at the funeral (get his ass!!!!), Xiao Ma getting shot (zero fucking sympathy for you sir!), Lu Guang buys Cheng Xiaoshi boba tea after the earthquake episodes (we love to see boys being soft and comforting each other, even if one of them has to be a bit tsundere about it...), Qiao Ling and Lu Guang refusing to take cases after the earthquake case in order to protect Cheng Xiaoshi (love to see some protective friends).

When Cheng Xiaoshi gets shot and Lu Guang goes absolutely fucking feral on Qian Jin's ass. Get him. Fucking. GET. HIM. UGH. I love it so much. He's 100% ready to kill the man who shot his lover best friend. I am always here for the calm and composed one losing their absolute shit when the people they love are harmed. You know what they say; demons flee when a good man goes to war. And I love that, this time, Cheng Xiaoshi wasn't dead. He was only grazed. And what does he do? He doesn't fucking hesitate. Lu Guang is beating this guy's ass? Guess that's what we're doing then. Like, sometimes I like to think up to that point he has held in his urges to punch someone not just because of the gun, but also because he's like, "gotta do what Lu Guang would do. Can't disappoint the boyfriend" and then he sees him going nuts and goes "oh if Lu Guang says so, then it must be ok" and decides to join in. Like. Ugh. They are so in fucking love.

Ok, ok, there are my answers! Hope you enjoy! And I'd love to know what your top 5 fave scenes are too👀👀👀

[themagnusbane]

GAP The Series Episode 7 Thoughts

Happy New Year everyone. The sapphics are here to own 2023!!!

And of course we are starting with Kirk the Snitch, Kirk the Traitor, Kirk the Betrayer, Kirk the Backstabber, on his knees with that fucking ring and his fucking proposal, and URGH, everyone is pressuring her to say yes. I HATE THIS SHIT!!!!!!!!

2, Good. I hope you feel as stupid as you look Kirk; holding onto that ring box whilst Sam runs away from your ass without giving you an answer. Hope somewhere in that brain you aren't using, you get a semblance of a clue!

3, Oh God. They really hit us straight away with the pain. Poor Mon. My baby. This pain! And now she's doing the flashbacks to the friends asking about her relationship with Sam? Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!!! I can't handle this!!!!

4. Why are you asking for time to clear things up Sam? There's nothing to clear up. Just tell him "No." Urgh!!! And before anyone starts talking, yes I know she doesn't have a choice and her grandmother has set things up in a way where she has no choice but to kowtow to her, but dammit I don't care. And that's my prerogative!

5. Ngl, if I show up at the office early, and notice that there's no one around, only for something to suddenly touch me from behind, I'm screaming like a banshee and hitting like a Shaolin master.

6. Now they've switched roles. It's Mon's turn to come knocking at Sam's door in the hopes that she will let her in. Let it not be said that Sammon are not equal-opportunity lovers.

7. Damn. Sam really took the two days that Mon wasn't at work to be all "HOW CAN I HURT THE GIRL I LIKE FOR NO REASON APPARENTLY BECAUSE... DRAMA!!!!" Because fuck if this isn't unnecessarily. Seriously, this is going to come around and bite her in the ass, and I hope Mon demands that she FUCKING GROVELS, when she finally gets her head out of her ass because WHAT THE FUCK???????????

8. But seriously though. This is shitty behaviour. As her boss, if she wasn't so wrapped up in her fucking feelings, and emotionally constipated, having a new account reach 499k in a month is something you reward and encourage, even if you want to put in the screws for your employee to meet the deadline. Mon is being generous by saying that Sam is a stickler for rules at work, because this is clearly not about work, but instead, Sam is letting her personal feelings cloud her professional judgement and this is really trash. URGH!!! I knew this episode would frustrate me to no end, but WTF?!!!!

9. See what I mean? Now poor Mon is thinking that the fault is with her. That she's to blame for Sam being an absolute DICK. And I can't. URGH!!! Mon girl, I am so sorry. You do not deserve this. This is why they say never meet your idols y'all. That's when you find out that they have the emotional capacity of a teaspoon. URGH!!!!

10. Sam has the best friends. I swear she must have saved someone pretty important in her previous life with how hard they are working to right her wrongs and comfort her girl.

11. But also TEE MY QUEEN. MY LOVE. THAT SUIT!!! ALL HAIL LESBIAN JESUS FOR TEE'S SUIT!! Ghgjhgjhghjghjgjhghjg. I want to climb that woman like a tree, and touch her EVERYWHERE! EVERYWHERE!!!!

12. You see that lesbian sprawl. Those crossed and arms spread across the top of the bench? GHJGHJGHJGJHGHJGHJG. Tee clearly wants me dead. She wants me dead and horny. Horny and dead. Dead with horny. Words I don't know her. TEEEEEEEEE!!!! Come sit on my face. I beg you!!

13. And now she has her hands in her pocket???????? She wants to kill me y'all. TEE HAS FUCKING KILLED ME! First hands in her pocket, now she's steepled those gorgeous lean fingers, talking about her considering giving Mon a job? A queen. An icon. A fucking goddess.

14. I love how Sam's friends have basically adopted Mon at this moment. I know all the talk about how great Mon would be working at Tee's is just to get Sam jealous, but honestly they really are coming through for my girl.

15. You absolutely cannot hire Mon my ass. Sam, get YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR FUCKING ASS AND TREAT THAT GIRL RIGHT!!!

16. Awwwww. Her coworkers are so sweet and so kind. Mon sweetheart, you deserve the world.

17. And now she's crying and saying goodbye and I know Sam keeps wanting to interrupt her to be all "I've changed my mind about firing you. Blah Blah Blah", but I honestly wish that when she turns around and says that bullshit, Mon is like "nope. You can't keep treating my emotions like I'm a fucking yo-yo. I'm out". Like I just need her to let all her inner brat shine through because this... THIS IS NOT OKAY! THIS IS NOT OKAY AT ALL AND I AM LIVID!!! URGH!!!

18. Aaaaaaaand of course, rather than apologize for having been an unreasonable dick, and following up with asking Mon sincerely, to stay, she's back with the "that was yesterday. Today, I don't want you to leave" and I'm...

19. Atta girl! Hand in that resignation. Let her work for it. Have her GROVEL to get you back. What in the nonsense!

20. OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!!! She actually confessed??? She actually CONFESSED?????? But you know what? No. Stand firm Mon. Stand firm. Don't be swayed. I know she looks desperate with her "I like you". But don't weaken. Get her to grovel. You deserve that after all the heartache. Don't give in just yet. LET SAM WORK FOR IT!!!!

21. Gghjghjgjhghjghjghjghj. Sam's frustrated, "Girl what do you WANT?" expression is sending me!!! Mon is so fucking stupid. These two deserve each other. Mon. Girl. Sure she always says the opposite of what she means. But that's because she's emotionally constipated. And now that she's released her emotions with one loud, big fart, she's telling you EXACTLY how she feels. But the ONE braincell you both keep exchanging, seems to be with Sam at the moment, which is making you an absolute dumbass. And I'm LOVING IT!!!!

22. Look at Tee and Yuki sitting right beside each other. My babies!! My beautiful secondary ship. They look sooo good together. Gah!!!! Look at that pretty! LOOK AT ALL THAT PRETTY!!!!!

23. I repeat, Sam doesn't know just how amazing her friends are! Look at them putting in the WORK, to help her get the girl she likes! Sam, you lucky bitch!

24. I SAW THAT YUKI!!! That casual "I'm frustrated with the stupidity of my friend" touch that she gave Tee. I SAW THAT!!!!! Hehehehehe.

25. They're holding her hands so gently to the finish line of her confessing her emotions. GAH!!! And their glee when Mon confesses to liking Sam and wanting to date her? My heart!!!!! All of them are such good eggs. What amazing women. AMAZING!!! Sam, you have no idea how lucky you are!

26. What perfect timing indeed. Sam's friends are ME! I am Sam's friends!! Gghghjgjhghjghjghjg.

27. Sam: "I don't like you. I like you. I hate you. I like you."

Mon: "You hate me. If you don't hate me, then be my girlfriend"

Sam: Yes!

This is the dumbest confession scene ever, and it is so fitting for my two beloved idiots, and their singular, shared braincell!! Ggjhghjghjghjghjgjhghjghj.

28. Yuki almost popping out through those bars with how giddy she is, seeing Sam and Mon get together is such a mood!!!!!

29. Tee just called herself the MASTER of ALL things. And you all KNOW what that means! TEE. ALL I NEED IS A NIGHT. JUST ONE NIGHT. WITH YOU. THAT'S ALL. I NEED YOU TO WRECK AND RUIN ME FOREVER!!!!!

30. Why was I stupid for a moment, to forget that these two share only one braincell. What in the... "SAM! WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY NOW THAT YOU'RE LOVERS, YOU CAN SHARE MONEY????" That's not the ONLY thing you can share you big dumb dumb! You can also share body fluids! BODY FLUIDS SAM! Share them! Oh lord have mercy. Someone save me from this girl!!!

31. Sam you absolute dumbass. That's why you were forcing her to resign? Then why not just tell her then??? Instead of inflicting so much pain???

32. The saccharine sweetness of their dating montage. I can't. I can't. It's so sweet and so cute and I am dissolving into a puddle. Send help!!! How are they so cute?????? GAHHHHHHHHHHHHH. It made all that pain WORTH IT!!!

33. The way Mon was like "Sam, you're terrible at subterfuge. Ya totally didn't buy that nonsense about shopping alone" made me cackle!!!

34. The speed with which Sam was like "I want to get you out of your clothes. Let's take a bath together" is sending me!!!!

35. That promise to be more straightforward and honest with her moving forward? My heart!!! How precious. Sam honest and aware of her feelings is an absolute delight. She really is on that Queen-level shit!!!!

36. Mon is living my dream. Imagine being all soaped up with your crush and idol and lover in a bathtub. I would float. How is Mon able to breathe. That was so hot and soft and GAH! My heart!!!

Also, that preview is GIVING!!!!! Sam and Mon have sex. Kirk brings his heterosexual drama? It looks like we are in for another rollercoaster. But I know I'll survive it easily, cuz my faves are FINALLY together, and now I can have some peace. Until the drama comes in the later episode courtesy of Sam's grandmother (cuz we know that witch just won't leave things be!). But until then, I shall enjoy every moment of sweetness we get!!!

[thegeminisage]

now it's time for a proper star trek update. i am sooo behind. monday we did voy's "the q and the grey," made it about 11 minutes in before quitting and switching to ds9's "the ascent" and then did ds9's "rapture," and then later that evening i finished "the q and the grey" on my OWN, then on tuesday we did voy's "marcocosm" and "fair trade" which means we accidentally went a little out of order (we were supposed to hit another ds9 ep first).

the q and the grey (voy):

as mentioned above, we got. 11 minutes. into this episode. rough!

there's normally very little sexism on this show which is like. despite this show's tone being similar to tng's, a better cast and less sexism put it MILES ahead of tng in my opinion. but for some reason you put q in a room with janeway and WOW. the harassment, the casual "kathy," the belittlement...like, it was kind of funny in CERTAIN CIRCUMSTANCES when it was picard but it looks sooo different when he is doing this to a woman. like, he wasn't trying to have picard's baby, was he

not to mention he's always a little racist to chakotay, which is even more unfunny than him being fantasy racist to worf. him stealing the tattoo wasn't like. funny or quirky. jesus

also. CIVIL WAR COSTUMES? REALLY? REALLY??? they cast q's side as the yanks but like...he's rebelling against the government, so............

anyway, this episode had two redeeming moments for me. first was when chakotay was jealous i did holler. second was when janeway decided to "watch" the two qs procreate and then it was just a little zap, which i did think was really funny. other than that, it was ALL bad. i checked and we have one q episode left and then thank god i don't see his ass again until lower decks

the ascent (ds9):

THE MOST EP EVER. i'm normally "eh" on quark/odo but i really enjoyed this episode mostly because even when they were trying to survive they could NOT stop arguing

also, it did wonders for quark, like...he's the reason odo's leg got broken and he made it to the top and saved him. furthermore, he hates root beer, but bought some for nog. i love when quark has little hints of having a soul. like when he sold food at cost for bajorans. we don't need much, just more than we got in season 3

also, rom was in this ep :')

going from like the existential mountain climb back to the silly little odd couple b plot was INSANE whiplash, by the way

i do love how much of an artist jake is. he wants to wake up at 1pm have junk for breakfast and spend all day working on his fanfic while cleaning never. maybe he wanted to move out so sisko wouldn't nag him to clean so much

ALSO, AWW, JAKE MOVING OUT...my best friend sisko was so emotional. please. i love him so much

i did also like that the solution to the odd couple problem in both the instances of jake and nog and odo and quark was to simply invent a bigger problem. for odo and quark it's the mountain but for jake and nog it's not being roomies anymore. they were so happy when sisko forced them to get back together they instantly forgave each other's flaws which is heartwarming but also extremely fucking funny

rapture (ds9):

the title, i know, i know, i KNOW. i almost typed "THE rapture" like twice, nobody say anything, fuck

did not love this episode BUT i made it through the entire thing without calling kai wynn a bitch

i actually liked the depth they gave her in this ep, though it's not enough to make the character fun for me. she just takes such relish in being cruel for the sake of her faith, i can't stand it

kira also wearing blinders this episode :/ it's not that i don't think she should have a faith but i wish it didn't make her stupid. like, oh let's let sisko die from his visions! let's be an artist instead of a soldier! because some guy said to! come on

poor kassidy having just got out of prison and now she gets back to sisko being like. totally fucking crazy. i do like that she and jake have bonded though. i hope she makes him a great stepmother someday

i feel like this plot is gonna come back later...? i've read Some Things about sisko. i will say i'm curious to see where it goes. at the same time, i can't believe he chose his visions over JAKE when we all saw how jake was in the visitor and i'm kind of mad he didn't so much as apologize for putting jake in that position. it doesn't really feel like he ever came back to his "right mind." i hope he's not like that for the rest of the series lol

macrocosm (voy):

JANEWAY HOT!!!!!!!!!! this is so rough for me because i've never found her like stupid attractive before but wow the laura croft look really did it for me. i wish chakotay could have seen it 🫡

sorry i know there are other things to say about this episode. ummm it's much funnier post covid. the giant viruses. i wish they hadn't made them so buglike though

very fun that the doctor had gone full apocalypse mode. it makes absolutely NO sense how he was able to infect everyone if he wasn't real though...that's the whole reason they sent him down

the prosthetics in this were very cool. the cgi effects were very silly

fair trade (voy):

SSSSSSIGH

the conceit of this episode was so fucking stupid. like, what about any of them makes neelix think they're gonna toss him out for being useless. kes is also useless, they don't NEED a nurse, but they're not throwing her out. a single conversation could have solved all of this

i thought that guy wix looked so familiar i was struggling to remember what he did in voyager, but no, i made that up.

on the other hand, i did like seeing vorik again! i remembered him from tng because of how fucking good his spock mannerisms were. like, not his name or anything he actually DID on tng, just how good he was at being a vulcan. i hope he comes back trek DESPERATELY needs more vulcans. maybe he and tuvok hang out and find peace in nobody pestering them about having emotions lol

anyway, i do love that janeway gave him hell at the end for it though. like that time she lectured b'elanna and tuvok and they wanted to die. AND she did it to chakotay once too. one thing she will do is shame somebody for being fucking stupid <3 may everyone on the cast get one before the series is over

TONIGHT: voy's "ater ego" and ds9's "the darkness and the light"

[munamania]

oh my god you know what i AM so glad im not attracted to men thank god im sick and tired holy shit. this was going to just be a stupid reactionary post on my silly little tumblr blog bc ive seen stupid posts like ':( maybe in another life i like men' and like we are NEVER getting out of here! and now i need to be like oh oop hangon everyone i for sure dont mean every man and also by the way i promise i am not trans exclusionary and also i really do promise i can wrap my brain around intersectionality in case you got a wild sense of ignorance from me saying im SICK AND FUCKING TIRED of everything being about men. you cant not think about them. ever. girls around you are going to base their entire personalities and identities and sense of self around attention and attraction to men and youre going to be made to feel rude if you dont go along with that being so #slay #girlboss #feminism. and honestly if we're fucking talking about it maybe i am glad not to deal with people who are socialized to think it's gay to care about hygiene and so dont wipe their asses or wash their hands maybe im simply so relieved to not have to deal with that and to have a partner that doesnt have to be taught to like and care about me and/or babied and mothered etc. jesus fucking christ holy shit. i want that for every woman but this is abt me rn and really many people whether they realize it or not ARE hostile to dykes!!!!!! and it sucks so incredibly hard to be around you!!!!! you people dont make a single effort to not talk about men or center every conversation around them, at best, and at worst, youre constantly fucking making lesbianism sound MISERABLE. it's not! it's really not. except well it is because everybody just cannot fucking exist without making it about a man or how they feel about not liking men or whatever goddamn tragedy idefk. this is clearly going to be nonsensical by the time i post it but holy fuck! shut the fuck up! the state of feminism rn is in genuine shambles ashes dust in the wind never coming back to save us.