#oh i almost forgot to say this does absolutely go for vampires too

[theartistichuman]

this may be controversial but it has been stewing in my brain for literal years, but required cannibalism (cant survive without eating flesh of the self) is much more interesting as a disability metaphor than a sexuality metaphor

[nobodysuspectsthebutterfly]

I read GRRM’s interview regarding book vs show canon and I thought the way he was approaching an adaptation of his own story, and fiction as a whole, was very interesting. I do wonder though - does the concept of having a separate show canon kind of become like a cop-out? Because in that case, any TV/film adaptation can just decide to change the plot as they see fit and go “oh, well, that’s our canon, the book is a different canon.” Doesn’t it cease to be an adaptation after a point, or at least become a loose one? In the HotD context, a lot of the changes being made I actually quite like because I can see them fitting in the canon, because there’s nothing suggesting otherwise.

But say, Sansa marrying Ramsay (or, alternatively, the moment that show was dead to me) we can say with absolute certainty did not take place and will almost definitely never take place. D&D knew that too but they went ahead with it anyway; it’s not quite like the Scarlett example where it makes no difference to the story because this change does. I feel like the whole point of adapting written words into something visual loses some of its sanctity if we just accept TV changes a whole separate canon, as opposed to simply a change made by the writers (good change or bad change is up to personal opinion).

I have followed your blog for almost a decade so I’m really curious to hear your thoughts on the subject.

GRRM's "Scarlett example" -- his question of "how many children did Scarlett O'Hara have?", because in the book Gone With the Wind she had three, one with each of her three husbands, whereas in the movie she only had one -- has been his go-to when asked about the difference between book and show canon since at least 2012. Or to quote him from 2015,

How many children did Scarlett O’Hara have? Three, in the novel. One, in the movie. None, in real life: she was a fictional character, she never existed. The show is the show, the books are the books; two different tellings of the same story.

This is IMO one of the most sensible ways for an author to look at adaptations of their work (even if I have gotten rather tired of GRRM using the Scarlett example specifically, pick something different George, we've seen it before lol). There is book canon and there is show canon. They are different parallel universes. They're separate canons because they contain changes made by the writers, and also because the very process of moving from the written word to visual media must involve some kind of change.

And this applies to all adaptations. That's why I brought up X-Men comics vs the Fox X-Men movies vs the X-Men cartoon (original 90s and 2024's '97). For example, there's 4 different versions of the Dark Phoenix Saga between those canons, at the very least. Wait, sorry lol, I forgot the Ultimate canon version. And the various in-comics alternate universe versions. And god knows when they finally bring the X-Men into the MCU they'll probably do yet another DPS there too. And that's only one of many storylines that are radically different between the various canons.

Or look at the various Interviews with the Vampire. Is the new tv show "not an adaptation" because its Claudia is a teenager rather than 5 years old as in the book or portrayed by an 11 year old as in the movie, thus resulting in extremely different relationships and a reshaped plot? (Among many other changes?) No. IWTV has book canon, movie canon, and show canon.

And I can't speak that well about Transformers since it's not a major fandom of mine, but go take a look at their various continuities if you want some more perspective about just how very far the meaning of "adaptation" can stretch.

Or hell, look at Stephen King, where among his many many many adaptations, some of which just barely resemble the original text, the only one he sued to have his name removed from was The Lawnmower Man, because they literally used an entirely different story and just slapped his title on it.

And then there's the movie Adaptation, which is a wildly meta-adaptation of the non-fiction book The Orchard Thief (it's a story about the process of adapting that book and involves a fictional version of the writer, the screenplay writer, and an entirely invented screenplay writer's twin brother)... and it was nominated for Best Adapted Screenplay for multiple film awards (and won a few times), and the original writer even said it kept to the book's themes.

Suffice it to say, HOTD has a long, long, long way to go before it could ever "cease to be an adaptation after a point". Changing the timeline to make Alicent and Rhaenyra the same age, or doing Blood & Cheese differently, do not even compare to what some book-to-visual media "loose adaptations" have done. Even GOT, as wildly terrible as their non-book storylines could be, both their changes to the text and after they had no actual text to work with, never became a "loose adaptation". Certainly it became a less than faithful adaptation -- and let's be real, it always was unfaithful for both themes and the essential elements of so many characters -- but it also always was a remarkably accurate adaptation of the whole span of Westeros (in geography and breadth of characters) and the general (not specific) book plot. (Consider previous attempts at adaptation that GRRM rejected, such as a single 2 hour movie, or eliminating Jon and Dany for being "irrelevant", or only making a Jon movie with none of the other storylines, etc.) Which is why, when GOT was different (and awful) it was such a betrayal, like a zombie or evil alien wearing the skin of your best friend or beloved child, and worse, that this twisted lookalike was the only version millions and millions of viewers ever saw and believed to be true.

But again, this just underlines what GRRM has said. "The show is the show, the books are the books." There is book canon and there is show canon. They are separate things. Parallel universes -- very close parallels, often touching in many places, but sometimes they're quite different. Sometimes the differences in adaptation enhance the themes of the original canon; sometimes the author may even consider certain adapted characters (Shae, King Viserys, Helaena) to be better than his original canon; sometimes you know there's only those tricky NDAs (and payments of lots of money) that prevent him from expressing his disappointment in more ways than dropping the Sansa TWOW preview chapter only days before the release of GOT S5. But perhaps if we're lucky, maybe one day we'll have yet another parallel canon to compare to the others.

[red-panda-agere]

Regressor! Malleus Draconia

(So I don’t actually play TWST (even though I want to, my phone won’t let me) but my boyfriend really likes Malleus, so I’m trying to base these headcanons off of what my boyfriend has said about him. These aren’t going to be super in-depth like my usual ones, but I hope they’re good anyways :’3)

Malleus loves sleeping/napping with his head in someone’s lap, especially Yuu’s/MC’s and Lilia’s, as they’re his main caregivers.

One of the ittiest bittiest of babies, probably around 1-2, sometimes less

He absolutely cannot be left alone when regressed, and will search/pace the same few rooms/places for over and hour looking for a caregiver before giving up and retreating to his room to cry. If he does find one of his caregivers beforehand, he’s too shy to actually say he wants attention, but will snuggle into their shoulder without warning or just hope THEY WANT to give him attention.

Lilia is often called ‘Dada’ by little Malleus, the little one seeing Lilia as more of a parent figure than anyone else.

Dada’s boy through and through

He loves being called “Little Prince” or just simple little names like “Baby” or “Little one.”

As a dragon, he will teethe and chew on everything, including his own tail. It doesn’t hurt him, but they always try to draw his attention and motivation to teethe elsewhere, with teether rings, chewelry, and pacifiers. Malleus gets very nervous to use his pacifiers infront of others, even Lilia, but he loves them.

-Because of his fangs, he bites through a lot of pacifiers and teethers, so they have to buy more ‘heavy duty’ strong ones, Lilia even saying he’ll make them himself if he must

He has an abundance of little items based on Gargoyles, including a few stuffed animals and a bunch of story books he has read to him before naps/bedtime.

Little Malleus loves to ramble about Gargoyles, but often worries he talks about them too much. He’ll go on a very lengthy infodump to Yuu/MC about gargoyles, but will pause after a few minutes and just start apologizing.

He really wants little friends, but he’s worried that he’s too scary for other little ones and he’s far too shy. The closest little friend he has is Silver, but even then he already feels like he’s his little brother.

Silver and Malleus are often little together, Malleus always watching over the two of them and sounding like a proud papa the whole time.

“My precious baby boys! You two are the cutest ever!” Lilia pinches one of Malleus’ and Silver’s cheeks at the same time, unable to contain how much he loves the little goobers. Silver giggles softly “Dada!” he smiles. Malleus just whines, pulling away from his father figure’s hand, rubbing his cheek after. “Oh, I’m sorry little prince, did Dada hurt your lil cheek! Let him see!” Before Malleus could respond, the attentive vampire immediately giving his cheek a bunch of kisses. The little dragon tried to whine and push him away, not wanting to do this infront of Silver, but after a few kisses, he was a giggling mess. “Don’t think I forgot about you goober!” Lilia then did the same to Silver’s cheek, earning some muffled giggles from behind the sleepy little one’s pacifier.

Silver, when regressed, refers to Malleus as ‘baba’ or ‘bubba’ if he even can even speak at the moment. Silver and Malleus both share really small headspaces.

His tamagotchi is one of the most important things to him when he’s little, and will spend hours tending to his little digital friend if his attention isn’t directed elsewhere.

Malleus often has nightmares about those he loves leaving him, and almost always wakes up crying and shivering, sometimes even full panicking. He’s very clingy until he’s cuddled and calmed down. After nightmares, he usually doesn’t sleep the rest of the night.

Loves having stories told to him before bed, and whoever’s reading/speaking always has his full attention, and he tries not to ask questions during it, but usually can’t help it.

“Wuh! What happens to the little dragon then!” Malleus asked with concern for the fictional little dragon in the story book Lilia was reading to him, hugging Lilia tightly from behind, his chin resting on his shoulder. The vampire laughed softly. “I dunno baby! We’ll have to keep reading won’t we?” Malleus blushed a bit at this, but watched intently at his Dada kept reading.

He treats being bottle-fed by Lilia the most normal thing since he’s his basically his father. Of course, it’s only comfortable in the comfort of their rooms and when they’re alone, Malleus not even calling Lilia his dad during interactions outside of their rooms. He loves being bottle-fed though, even if it’s a bit difficult with how much taller he is than Lilia. His horns make it a bit difficult to lay on his lap, so his head usually goes near his shoulder and his legs over his lap, or he sits between his legs. Lilia would not stop until he had a way to bottle-feed his little one(s).

Malleus loves having his hair pet and played with, even when he’s not regressed, but when he’s regressed he will actively search for it. Not with verbal question, but he will press his head to Lilia’s hand.

He absolutely hates how strong he is, especially when regressed. He feels left out watching Lilia and Silver bake/cook together when they do, because he can’t help make them without breaking things on accident. It doesn’t help that Lilia likes the make cookies and treats for them so often, Malleus just wanting to be his Dada’s little helper.

Little Malleus needs praise for just about everything, even if it’s something he did without trouble or could’ve easily done when not regressed. If Dada didn’t tell him he did a good job going to sleep when he asked, Malleus will worry he did something wrong.

He doesn’t mean to be, and he doesn’t look like he would be, but Malleus is such a sensitive little baby and cries a lot. He doesn’t like crying infront of anybody though, and will go hide in his bed or the bathroom if he starts to cry. Lilia will always immediately follow him, or go into overprotective Dad mode when he finds him.

“Oh baby, why are you hiding?” Lilia asks with audible concern before sitting next to the crying Malleus. The dragon desperately tried to stay hidden behind his plushie, but Lilia gently set it to the side, and gently cups Malleus’ face in his hands. He kisses the top of his nose and wipes a few tears away. “Little one…Talk to Dada baby.” He spoke softly and calmly, whispering as to not frighten the little guy. Malleus takes a hold of Lilia’s hands on his face, before softly crying a little harder. He then holds his hands towards Lilia, the vampire letting him retreat into his shoulder. “Shh sh sh shhh…Dada’s right here my little prince.”

Malleus gets really shy about little outfits, usually settling on comfy pajamas. However, on rare occasions, the little one wears footed sleeper onsies, Lilia taking extra care to make a hole for his tail. He wears it most when he’s feeling extra sad/uncomfy or sicky. It’s usually saved for itty bitty baby headspace.

Lilia often jokes with little Malleus to be careful about burning his bangs like he did as a baby dragon. He teases him about a lot of stuff he did as a baby, but Malleus secretly adores it, as it makes him feel extra small still, his father figure treating him like he’s still the same little baby dragon.

(Trying to get all my WIPs finished and posted)

[fortunatelychaoticphantom]

Yeah, so I finished Breaking Dawn.

General:

Holly shit. Holly fucking shit. Holly Jesus fucking Christ holly fucking hell god damn shit. THIS BOOK IS AMAZING.

I am serious. I am not being ironic or trying to be cool or contradictory or nothing. This book is absolutely batshit insanely fucking good. THIS IS GOOD FUCKING FANTASY.

Look. I've read and watched plenty of reevaluations of the series in the past couple of years, and I think we all know by now that it is far from perfect and there's a lot to criticize, but that the criticism and cultural uproar at the time was just pure misogyny and hatred to anything that girls like (a day will come when we talk about Justin Bieber and how the entire world decided its number one enemy was a 13 year old boy who wanted to be a pop singer and was beloved by 13 year old girls but it is not this day), and that Meyer is actually a very good world builder. This reread really solidified this for me, but even more so then before. I really do believe she is a good writer. NOT GREAT, but good. Until Breaking Dawn.

I am not joking when I tell you that this is one of the most incredible books I have ever read in my life. It is leaps and bounds better then any other book in the series. I think the other books are fine and enjoyable, they definitely don't hold the same charm over me as they did when I was 16, but they are absolutely entertaining and even truly touching (New Moon specifically). But this... this is just a different league altogether. This book is mature, and brutal, and aggressive, and disgusting, and horrifying, and reached fucked up territories that few writers dare to explore and I absolutely admire Meyer for this.

Part One - Bella:

It's a pretty short section of the book so there's not much to say about. It's sweet and fun but nothing much more.

Horny Bella is the best Bella. Get some girl.

Part two - Jacob:

Anyway, this right here is what brilliance is made of. I need to find a way to articulate it properly. It's the first time I have ever been so acutely aware of the narrator because the entire narration is in first person and so all the sections that are supposedly general descriptions are an active thought of Jacob that in almost every single moment are being experienced not just by me but by his pack(s) and by Edward and are commented on in the story. I don't even know how to explain just what an unbelievably wonderfully complexly imaginatively fucked up this is. Just. Amazing.

LEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

I'm okay I swear. But seriously. Leah's story is amazing as is, but it's the room Meyer gives her to be both filled with sorrow and with just pure spiteful rage. I love that she is not perfect, she is not currently nice, because she can't be nice, but a day will come when she might be better, be in a better place, and that's okay because we understand her. I just love her so much.

Speaking of which, I love the new bond between Rosalie and Bella but I also love that it's not entirely a good things? Like, there is a very clearly stated undertone that Rose cares more about the fetus than she does about Bella, and I just respect that? She isn't just magically sweet and kind, it's twisted and complicated and good storytelling (I forgot to mention in the Eclipse post Rosalie's backstory, but obviously that's also amazing).

Seth is also the most wonderful and pure cinnamon role in history and I will die for him.

6. this:

Leah: Mom dropped him a lot when he was a baby. Jacob: Oh his head, apparently. Leah: He used to gnaw on the crib bars, too. Jacob: Lead paint? Leah: Looks like it.

7. This section is just so fucking brutal. The physical toll of carrying the baby for Bella, Edward's agony, Jacob's suffering, Leah's everything, the coming attack from the wolves, the birth... Immaculate.

Part three - Bella:

If there was one Mary Sue I would stan, it was Bella. You're doing amazing sweetie!! You go and be an awesome newborn. We believe in you!!!

All the vampire descriptions are just so fucking good. The whole distractability, the way the new senses literally overwhelm you. I love it all.

You know what? I really don't mind the imprinting. Meyer goes to great lengths to say that it's in no way romantic. It's not the Greatest Thing, but, I mean, I'm reading a fantasy book... my suspension is very much suspending...

Jacob's being an ass again, only caring about what he wants, but it's only for like two chapters so it's fine.

I can't help but love the congregation of vampires, it's just so fun and interesting, and even though we spend so little time with them they are all so distinct.

It's a great showdown. I love it way more then I did the first time. I am still fond of the What-The-Fuck-They-Are-All-Dying???? scene from the movie, but it's intense even without it.

and this:

Garrett: If we live through this, I`ll follow you anywhere, woman. Kate: Now he tells me.

Good job all around. Now I need to go buy Midnight Sun.

[where-is-vivian]

Greatest Mistake Ever

from @jegulus-microfic's prompt, mistake (1487 words)

I had. So much fun writing this. :)) I'm literally giggling right now.

cw: french language

“Oh, shit— My bad!” James laughs. He’s absolutely wasted. “Oops.”

The guy he bumped into doesn’t seem to laugh, though. He’s staring down at himself, where his dark top is now stained with whatever cocktail was in James’ glass. His top is damp, and the guy shakes his head, hands slightly lifted in impuissance. James looks at him, and when that guy lifts his head, James’ heart misses a beat. He’s about to throw up, he drank too much.

He puts his hand in front of his mouth; the room is swaying around him. Why is the room swaying, already? James doesn’t remember. But he’s kind of sure a room isn’t supposed to move. So why is this one moving so much? Is the floor made of sand or—

“What did you spill on me?”

James is physically unable to answer this question. And he already forgot what the question was. However he lifts his free hand with as much confidence as he’s capable of, and he says:

“Sorry.”

He really needs to throw up.

He tries to look to his side, but Sirius, to whom he was talking literally seconds ago, isn’t here anymore, and James doesn’t know why. He’s pouting. Where did Sirius go? He’s sure it’s Remus’ fault. Or maybe Marlene’s. Marlene and Mary always pull jokes on Sirius when he’s drunk. They could have included him. It makes James pout more.

Despite the music pounding in his ears and the chatting that’s too loud to be true, James manages to perceive what the guy in front of him says:

“Oh god. Sirius, I hate you.”

But maybe it’s just the materialisation of James’ drunk thoughts; how could this guy know Sirius? Sirius is his best friend, and James is the one mad at him right now. Not this random dude. How does he even knows his nam—

James’ arm is pulled on, and James just complies. Oh no! Maybe this guy is trying to kidnap him. James chuckles at the idea. It’s so ridiculous. Who would want to kidnap him? That’d be funny if someone actually kidnapped him. James lets out another giggle, and sooner than he thought, they’re outside, on the terrace.

The guy makes James sit on a chair, and James falls on it meekly. Now that there are just the two of them, James just looks up at him. There isn’t any other parasite information to disturb his eyes. And then suddenly, the other guy lifts his top over his head, and he takes it off. James’ mouth falls a bit agape. Oh, god, he’s pretty, very, very pretty, but he’s not sure…

He points down at James. “You, stay here,” he orders. James closes his mouth and just nods, fascinated by the view to have any coherent thoughts.

“Yes, pretty,” He says. It gets out of his mouth without him thinking about it twice.

The guy stops, grins a bit, eyes up and down James, before walking away to the back of the garden; it’s too dark to see where he goes. James doesn’t move. He’s too stunned to speak or to do anything anyway. At some point a girl gets out of the bushes, standing up; James didn’t see she was her before. Their gazes meet. She waves, and then she groggily walks away, still perched up on her heels. James is a bit scared she’s going to twist one of her ankles or something, but he doesn’t say anything and she disappears, in the opposite direction the guy did. She goes back to the party, to the living room.

Quickly after that, the pretty guy comes back. James thinks he sobered up a bit with the fresh air. He sees him better, even though the boy doesn’t give him a look. He’s focused on some other t-shirt he grabbed somewhere, and that he’s holding in his hands.

He’s lean, has a skin so pale it almost shines in the dark — is he a vampire? Maybe James hasn’t sobered enough — and he has dark curls framing his face. He has freckles everywhere. And the way his jeans are falling on his hips is drool-worthy. James wants to do something, but quickly, the view disappears; the guy puts on his other shirt, and then he catches him looking.

“Sirius s’était bien gardé de me dire qu��il avait des potes comme toi.” (Sirius omitted to mention he had friends like you.)

James swallows, closing his opened mouth — he didn’t even realise he was staring with his mouth open. He grips tightly at the garden chair’s armrests.

“Do you feel like walking to the kitchen and getting a glass of water by yourself, or do you prefer staying here, and I get you one?”

James only nods like an idiot. It makes the other chuckle. 

“Noted,” He says, grinning down at him, apparently amused by James’ behaviour.

It’s like James’ life paused there, because next thing he knows, he’s waking up with heavy eyelids, and heavy limbs, and a heavy head. Feeling too hot, and nauseous. He feels so warm it’s sickening. The room spins a bit when he blinks, and then it gets better. But not his stomach ache; he shouldn’t have mixed so much alcohol together last night. He drank too much; he can’t even remember why— Oh, yes he knows. Sirius’ birthday. He was at Sirius’ for his birthday. That’s all he remembers though. It’s the first time that James got to see Sirius’ house after he moved away from his parents — Sirius is so rich he bought a house as his first place to live. James partied a bit too much, he recalls.

His eyes still uncomfortably glued together, James props himself on his elbows. He rubs his eyes. He’s topless. He doesn’t remember taking off his shirt the day before.

Now being a bit more awake, James looks around him, and he doesn’t really recognise the room. And there is a weight next to him on the bed. James sees the bare freckled arms peeking from the messy sheets, and a little mass of jet black curls. For a second he thinks, is that Sirius? It doesn’t look like his room, and why on hell would I b—

The door bangs open, and James jolts, so much that he almost jumps off the bed, bouncing on the mattress. It’s Sirius, who is staring at him with wide eyes. So if Sirius is just in front of him, then who is the one guy next to him…?

“REGULUS ARCTURUS BLACK!”

James jumps a second time. The body next to him moves slowly, humming with annoyance, emerging from sleep.

“REGULUS ARCTURUS BL—”

James frowns. Black? Regulus Arcturus Black? Black, like in Sirius Black?

The guy next to him sits up, and snaps back. “WHAT, SIRIUS.”

And James is flabbergasted. The guy looks like Sirius. A lot. How could he not have realised sooner?

“With James? Seriously?!”

Sirius eyes James with incredulousness, and maybe a bit of disdain too. Regulus quickly stands up, and pushes Sirius out of the room. He shuts the door on his face. Then he turns around, sighing, annoyed.

“Huh.” James eloquently says. “What happened.”

“Sirius, my brother,” Regulus shrugs, moving to grab his jeans on the floor.

“Yeah, he’s my best friend. I know him. But you…” Regulus eyes him curiously as he’s buttoning his jeans. James has too much saliva in his mouth. He stutters. “We… Something happened yesterday? I don’t remember anything.”

Regulus chuckles. “No, James. You were deadass drunk,” James is simply surprised Regulus knows his name, but he simply listens. “And you spilled your drink on me,” Regulus grabs a black t-shirt. “Then I gave you water. Then you threw up,” Regulus puts on the shirt, and James thinks it’s regrettable. What is also regrettable is the realisation that he was very lame the night before, and that if he hadn’t been so lame, he could have had a very different kind of night. “I don’t make out with drunk people who throw up,” And with that Regulus gives him a wry grin.

James feels his body heat up. “Alright.” He wants to ask if he eventually does make out with sober people, in case he still has a chance.

“Then you begged for sleep, and I took you there. My… bedroom,” Regulus briefly shows around him with his hand.

James blinks. He doesn’t look around, to pretend he cares about the bedroom; all he wants to look at right now is the guy in front of him.

“What?”

“Nothing,” James leans back on his elbows.

Regulus smirks. He grabs socks on his desk, and he goes for the door. Before exiting his room he says. “For your information, I totally make out with guys like you usually. Just not when they throw up,” And he gets out of the room, his smirk still on his lips, leaving James there.

[aestariiwilderness]

SPOILERS

Bad Batch Season 3 Episode 5(?) (I think?) Thoughts

Well, one big one:

HAHAHAhahahahaHHAHAHAHAHA

And the little ones:

I have been waiting for Omega to pull the age card since season 1 -- actually since before I really knew what the newest Star Wars Baby's name actually was. This was great and I want Hunter to realize it's coming for him next

I haven't stopped laughing about the "moment of silence for our fallen brother" since I saw it. Someone: *mentions Tech* Every single clone in the room: *pledge of Allegiance moment*

WHY IS CROSSHAIR STILL WEARING THE JACKET

WHY IS HE STILL WEARING THE JACKET ON A BEACH IN FULL SUNLIGHT

Crosshair is 100% the angsty sullen goth vampire hissing like he's been hit with holy water in Hawaiian environments with kind people chasing after him bearing fruit and love that I knew he would be

Crosshair: spends like two weeks on Pabu Crosshair: I can't take it anymore! UGH SUNLIGHT *drags the entire Batch to freaking Barton IV* ah, home sweet murder home. the last place I had a really good angst before my older sister found me and dragged me home by the ear. fond memories

Echo, you're a disgrace but also somehow still the only sane one here

Do datapads just not need to ever charge in Star Wars??

Omega: oh yah I have a sister did you know Echo: okay, we don't have time to unpack all that

Where is the heck is Phee? Is she just...off dismembering Cid or something?

Crosshair: "I know a place" Hunter: "YOU'RE NOT TELLING US EVERYTHING ABOUT IT" Crosshair: "I ALREADY KILLED EVERYTHING DANGEROUS HERE what do you WANT FROM ME" *Dune 2021 erupts from underneath the base* Crosshair: .... Crosshair: huh. guess Mayday forgot to mention that particular natural feature. My bad y'all

GUYS. WE NEVER TURN OFF THE MYSTERIOUS PERIMETER SENSORS. IDIOTS KNOW THIS. DID WE LEARN NOTHING FROM THE KRYKNA INCIDENTS I, II, and III

Crosshair looking at Batcher: ah, the new and improved Hunter. You're my favorite. We'll try to save you Hunter but if it gets too inconvenient I'll be over there taking a nap Hunter, standing right there: hey

Congratulations Batcher I guess you're his service animal now

Hunter: *sneaks up behind Crosshair stacking random regs' helmets one by one on a crate* Hunter: *considering Crosshair's past track record with regs, the Empire, and loyalty* so, like...did he kill these guys, or...? Hunter:...do I want to know? Hunter: *does a 180* NOPE

Hunter: "dID yOu tHiNK we wErE juST gOinG tO tAkE yOu bAcK witHoUT aSkIng aNy quEsTiONs???" Hunter, you beloved moron. You DID just take him back without asking any questions. To your super secret summer home no less. And let him spend two whole weeks chilling on a beach before it occurred to you to do anything other than stare at him with complete lack of subtlety from the top of a cliff

Why were you stalking him from the top of a cliff Hunter

Crosshair, he was silhouetted against the sun like 100 feet away with an almost seven foot dude right next to him. There was no hiding going on here. At all. Detecting him is not a super sniper skill. If you HADN'T seen that, we'd have a problem

Crosshair: hey yeah guys so this is clearly a Very Important Place to me that I will proceed to tell you Absolutely Nothing About. BTW don't land there Echo, there's a corpse in the middle of the landing pad somewhere. Possibly two if they never bothered picking up Nolan Echo:... Echo, 1000000% done with this Batch's drama: at least there's no blood this time

"I've made mistakes" AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *smash cuts to using flamethrower on civilians* *shooting Wrecker* *"aim for the kid!"* *nearly dropping Tech off an ion engine* *trying to burn them all alive in an ion engine* *shooting at them* *kidnapping Hunter* *kidnapping all of them* *getting them trapped on Kamino while it SINKS* *shooting pretty much everybody at some point* *plan 88 but no context!* AHAHAHAHAHAHA this is my new favorite line. Hunter should get him a T-shirt that says that to replace that awful hip pocket thing

Wrecker getting genre-aware

Omega: "I told you to TALK to him not ARGUE with him" Crosshair, sulkily: "He STARTED IT" EDIT: 23. IF I SEE ONE MORE ICE VULTURE IN THIS HOUSE

[kpop---scenarios]

Cravings || One

Pairing: Vampire! Hongjoong x Reader

Warning: None Yet

Word Count: 3.1k

A/N: If you would like to be tagged, let me know!

"Babe, hey babe." Your boyfriend, Chad calls out to you, as you're sitting at the kitchen table, running over over bills again and trying to figure out how the fuck you're going to try to pay everything. You worked damn hard, and barely had anything to show for it. Ever since Chad had moved in a few months ago, without an invitation, you were stressed. Everything had gone up and doubled since he hadn't left, and he also hadn't contributed anything financially towards the household. You paid for rent, utilities, groceries and you even paid when the two of you went out for dinner. Chad worked full time, but where his money was going, you had no fucking idea. He constantly went out with his 'boys' , often coming home obliterated, and just expecting you to have your legs spread open for him when he rolled in, apparently that was your duty as his girlfriend, according to him. As if not contributing and acting like a man child was such a turn on. Not to mention the countless hours he spent on your gaming console, yelling and talking to his friends, leaving you no time to play any games that you like, unless you wanted to wake up a few hours before you had to work to sneak on it. But by the time you got home from work, cleaned up the messes he made throughout the day, made yourself dinner, showered and got into your PJ'S, you were too damn tired to do anything. You knew you had to wake up the next day and do it all over again, so any sleep you got was precious. 

A part of you often wondered why you were in this relationship with him. Maybe you were scared to be alone, maybe you didn't think you could do any better than him, but you stuck with him, because for some reason, you loved the guy. 

"What do you want, Chad?" You sigh, walking into the living room where he's sprawled out on the couch, headset on and his match paused. "I'm trying to figure out bills, you know that thing that keeps us warm, and with light and hot water, that you said you'd help pay and haven't." 

"Yeah, babe, can you go to the corner store and get those Takis, you know the ones I like? The not so spicy ones though babe, cause remember I have acid reflux, and a diet coke." He says, turning back to the screen, laughing at something said through his head phones. 

You could feel the rage building up inside of you, awfully quick, and it was seeping out of you even quicker.

"Are you going to pay for said snacks?" You ask, trying to keep your voice calm. 

"What?" He laughs. "Babe, no, come on. I'm broke. I don't get paid again for two weeks. You know this." 

"You just got paid yesterday." You breathe through gritted teeth. "Where the hell did all your money go?" You ask, your hands balled into fists. 

"You know babe, I had the fantasy football league entry, plus I owed Kyle money for the keg bomber last weekend, and I took the boys out for supper yesterday. Shit adds up." He says, never looking at you, only focusing on the game. 

"And that's my problem, why exactly? Why is it always on me just because you're not financially stable. Grow up, you're 35 for christ sakes!" You yell. You stomp to the kitchen, grabbing your purse and slipping on your shoes before heading back into the living room. 

"Yeah, she's got her shoes and purse." He laughs. "She's definitely going to get my stuff." 

"You know what Chad? I'm definitely not going to get your snacks, get your own fucking snacks, Chaaad. I'm going for a drink, with my own goddamn money." You spit, storming out of the house. 

You're wandering down the street, like you had been for the last thirty five minutes, and finally you found somewhere that looked decent enough. You walk in, and the lights are on very low, the place is almost dark, had it not been for the red lights swinging above tables, or the string of red lights wrapping around the ceiling. Your eyes wander the open floor of seating as a soft beat vibrates through the building. Every person in here who was sitting with someone was leaning closely to that person, seemingly having an intense conversation. The vibes felt dark and eerie, but you welcomed it, you enjoyed it instead of being around Chad's fuck boy mentality. You walk towards the bar, sliding onto one of the empty bar stools and setting your purse on your lap. Your eyes were looking down when you felt a presence standing in front of you. You look up and see quite possibly the most beautiful man you have ever seen. 

"What can I get for you?" He asks, his voice is deep, yet so smooth and calming.

"Double vodka and coke please, and for the love of god, keep them coming." You sigh. After your comment you see the slightest hint of a smile appear on his lips, disappearing even quicker than it came. 

"Bad day?" He asks, beginning to pour your drink. 

"Bad relationship." You groan. He nods his head as he slides your drink towards you. 

"Wanna talk about it?" He asks, leaning on the bar with his chin resting on his hands as he waits for you to speak. You look into his eyes, and they're so warm and mesmerizing, you felt safe and secure, like you could tell him anything. Which is exactly what you did.

"What's your name?" You ask. 

"Hongjoong." He replies. "You?" 

"Y/N." 

"Okay Y/N, what's bothering you?" 

"My boyfriend, we've been together for just over a year, and well.. he's something, and not the good something like people usually say. He moved in with me, without even asking me if I wanted to, and I just kind of accepted it. He doesn't pay anything, no bills, rent, groceries, nothing. It's all on me, even though he does work full time. He forgot my birthday, went out and got absolutely plastered with his 'boys'. On Valentine's Day, he took me out for dinner, and can you guess who was there?" You ask. 

"His boys?" He answered. 

"You sir, are correct. I was ignored the entire evening, and then he and his boys left, I ended up paying the bill, and I had to uber home because he had driven us there. Not to mention the fact that he assumes I'm just there for his pleasure, expecting me to be spread eagle for him whenever he decides to show up." You finish, chugging your drink as you try not to gag on the strong taste of vodka. 

"Why are you with him then? He doesn't sound like he contributes to the relationship at all, so why do you stay?" He asks. 

'Honestly, I'm not entirely sure." You answer as he slides another drink in front of you.

"Now that's a bullshit excuse." He replies. "There's a reason that you clearly don't want to admit." 

"Do you ever smile?" You ask him. 

"No." He answers. "Now, why won't you leave him?" 

"Because it's safe, I guess? I don't know if I can do any better than him." You shrug. 

"Y/N, you have no idea how much better you could do." He says. 

** 

From the moment Hongjoong had a whiff of the scent that was coming into his bar, he knew that it was the scent of the one. He intensely watched the door, waiting for the one it belonged too to walk through the door. As soon as you did, it was almost as though his heart could have started beating once again, the ice cold blood that ran through his body could have turned warm just by the sight of you. He isn't sure what it is about you, but he had always been told that he would know when he found the one, and having been alive for over a century, he had just assumed that it wasn't in the cards for him, and now he knows why. Because all his life he had been waiting for you. The person that he would do anything for, the person that he would be anything for had finally walked into his life, and for once he felt an ounce of hope, until, you had mentioned the filthy human you were in a relationship with, not to mention one that treated you like absolute garage, and you had assumed that no one better would love you, but shit were you ever wrong. He was standing right in front of you, and though you had just met him, he loved you with everything he had and would do anything and everything to protect you. 

**

"I appreciate your advice, Hongjoong, but it's getting late and I have to work tomorrow." You sigh. "How much do I owe you?" You ask, grabbing your card from your wallet. 

"It's on me." He tells you, grabbing your empty glass.

"Well thank you." You smile. "It was nice meeting you." You tell him as you slide off the stool. 

"You too." He says, watching you walk away from him. 

That night when you got home, you couldn't get Hongjoong off your mind, a smile spread across your face as you walked through your front door, and headed into the living room, then it instantly dropped. Chad had not moved from the spot you had previously left him in a few hours ago. "Oh, babe." He says, sucking the cheeto dust from his fingers. "Kyle brought me some snacks, since you threw a huge temper tantrum about my snacks, you can just venmo or cash app him, k?" He says, going back to playing his game. 

You went to bed that night, dreaming of one man, who was not your man. 

**

Over the next few weeks, you had absolutely no desire to be at home. So you headed to the bar that Hongjoong worked at, everyday after work for a drink, or two, or four. In those weeks the two of you spent an ample amount of time getting to know each other, you were sure he knew you better than Chad ever did.  You didn't want to see Chad, you didn't want to be near him and it was bad enough that he constantly texted you throughout the day, sending you lists of things to buy from the grocery store, as if he wasn't able to do it himself. But much to your surprise, he didn't text you when you never came home with his snacks, he didn't check in with you throughout the day, and honestly it no longer bothered you. 

You felt your feelings for Hongjoong deepen with every encounter the two of you had, every time you saw him it was like nothing you had ever felt with Chad, your emotions were amplified around Hongjoong and you weren't sure how much longer you could keep them hidden. 

"One more." You tell Hongjoong, as you set down your fourth glass. 

You can tell he wants to smile, but he's too good at controlling his emotions. "You've had enough, I'm cutting you off." He tells you. 

You pout, trying to give him your best puppy dog eyes, but absolutely nothing got to the man and it was frustrating as fuck. 

"A bad storm is coming, you should probably get home." He tells you, drying off some glasses. 

"I don't want to go home, he's there." You scoff, just thinking about Chad made you want to vomit. "I guess I could just get a motel room, at that place across the street." You say, pointing over to the run down motel, that had flickering lights, and probably a rat and cockroach infestation. 

"You will do no such thing." Hongjoong replies. "You can stay at my place." He says. "Give me a minute." He walks from around the bar, towards the back of the building, and you can't help but to turn in your stool and watch him walk away, damn he looks good. 

Within seconds he's back, grabbing your bag and scooping you up into his arms as he effortlessly carries you out the door. 

"I can walk." You object. 

"I know." He says, his face stone cold. 

"You're very pale." You tell him, as if he didn't know. 

"I know." He replies, unlocking the door to his car. 

"And you're very cold." You say. 

He sighs. "I know." He finishes as he slides you into the passenger seat of his car. 

As soon as he started his car, the rain began pouring as thunder and lightning jolted the sky. 

"You were right, there's a storm." You say, watching out your window. 

"I know." He replies, this time it sounded different. You turned to look at him, hoping you'd catch him smiling but no such luck. 

He continues driving, taking you out into the middle of nowhere, out of city limits, this was it, this was probably when you died. You panicked slightly but you felt it in your entire body that he was not going to murder you, at least not that night. 

Hongjoong pulls up to a gate, punching in a few numbers to open the gate, which just blocked off a winding road. You squinted as you tried to see where you were going but it was far too dark for you to see anything, until you pulled up to a beautiful mid-century mansion that made your mouth drop. It was absolutely stunning and you couldn't believe that he lived there. 

"Seriously? This is where you live?" You say. 

"MY family, but yeah." He answers, parking the car near the entrance. 

He hops out of his seat, walking towards your side to open the door for you, pulling you inside before you get too wet. He dragged you up a large flight of stairs, not letting you admire the inside of his house. He put you inside a large room, with a large bed and a bathroom ensuite. "There's towels if you want to shower, I'll be back in a bit to check on you." He says, avoiding all eye contact before walking out of the room. 

You let out a deep breath as you take off your heels, unbutton your pants and unhook your bra, placing it all next to the bed. You sit down on the bed in your underwear and t-shirt, wondering what to do, until your phone rings. 

Looking at the caller ID, you didn't want to answer it, but you felt it would be unfair for you to do so. 

"Hello?" You answer. 

"Hey babe, it's me.. it's Chad." He says. 

"I know who it is." You sigh. 

"Look.. I know you've been terrible, oh, wait, I mean I've been terrible in our relationship lately but I want to make almonds." He says. "No idiot, it's amends." You hear from the background. 

"Are you kidding me right now? Do you seriously have Brad over to help you?" You yell. 

"Well yeah, he noticed that we were drifting apart and offered to help me get you back." Chad explains. 

You get up off the bed, pacing on the hardwood floors as you tried to process what he just said to you. 

"The fact that you didn't even notice that we were drifting apart is all that I need to hear. You know what, Chad? I'm done. I'm done with this relationship, I'm done with you. Just get out of my apartment, I'm over it." You yell, hanging up the phone. 

You stand there, taking deep breaths as you replay the conversation you just had, he didn't even care enough to notice that you'd been pulling away. That kind of hurt, but then again it was Chad. He was never very perceptive. 

A knock at the door before it suddenly opens, reveals Hongjoong, walking into the room. He tried to play it cool with the fact that you were practically naked in front of it. 

"I heard yelling. You okay?" He asks as lightning strikes, causing the power to flicker. 

"Chad called, he had his friend Brad over to feed him lines because Brad noticed we were drifting apart." You explain. "But I did it. I ended things." You proudly admit. 

"Good for you." He says, staring at you, while you stare back at him. A crack of thunder hits loudly, making you jump, and within seconds Hongjoong's arms are wrapped around you, like he was protecting you. You look at him and he looks at you, and before you can tell yourself not to, your lips are pressed against him, and he is kissing you back. 

The kiss turns passionate and needy in seconds, both of your desires for one another coming out without any control. He moves you both to the bed, laying you down as he hovers over you, his strong arms keeping him above you. You wrap your arms and legs around him, pulling his body closer to yours, feeling him near was all you'd wanted. His ice cold fingers touch your stomach as he begins to lift your shirt up, you can feel his cock slowly becoming harder. You begin lifting his shirt, when his phone rings. He stands up, whispering an apology before answering his phone, barely speaking any words. 

"I'm so sorry, Y/N. I have some things to take care of." He says. 

"Oh, yeah, no problem." You say, sitting on the edge of the bed. 

"Get some sleep." He tells you before walking out of the bedroom door, leaving you alone once again. 

You tried to fight the exhaustion you felt, but it was far too hard. You got snuggled underneath the blankets, watching the door, hoping he would come back but your eyelids got too heavy for you to keep open, and you swiftly drifted off to sleep, finally feeling some peace. 

**

The warm sun was shining into the room, waking you up. You let out a little stretch before opening your eyes, only to see five men standing around you. You sit up, moving to the wall, as these men stare at you. You looked at them all, and they all looked similar to Hongjoong. Pale skin, dark eyes, dark head, blood red lips. 

"Who are you?" One of them asks. 

"Y/N." You whisper. 

Another one speaks up, looking at the other four men. "Who the fuck brought a human home?" 

[absolutepokemontrash]

The Brothers and Side Characters Play the Sims

I don’t know what possessed me to make this but WHATEVER. I’ve been playing the Sims since I was a wee little girl, and I’ve seen my fair share of weird Sims stuff that I feel would fit these bozos perfectly.

My Sims have a Functional Family Life Because I Don’t (Lucifer)

God dammit Levi’s obsessed with another game... ugh.

Spends 5 minutes in Create-a-Sim and hops into a starter home.

Lucifer’s the type to start with all the average stuff and then build their stuff up as his sim gets promotions.

It’s just... so peaceful...

...he’s adopting a dog.

Look at his new little virtual family... his sim-kids are self sufficient and getting A’s in school, his Sim spouse MC or Diavolo take your pick loves his Sim-self, his sim-dog-

WAIT NO- THE DOG’S AN ELDER?!

AAAAAAAAAAAAA-

...

He’s fine. It was just a virtual dog. *sniffle*

He’s now spending his free time drinking Demonus and playing the Sims.

What’s a mod? Levi why does your sim have gun?

Behold, My Gorgeous Home... It’s a Box (Mammon)

Mammon, like the rest of the HOL, is mooching off of Levi’s Origin account.

“AW SHIT! This house looks awesome! I’m gonna build it for Sim-me to live in!”

Mammon proceeds to build a box with rooms. Yay...

He just picks the funnest sounding job if he picks any job at all for his Sim. That’s how he ended up making 9 dollars an hour in the criminal career.

Didn’t stop Mammon from buying that solid gold bathroom set from Get Famous... a box with solid gold bathrooms.

His Sim is broke send help-

“Leviiiiiii my sim needs money... the people my sim kidnapped and is forcing to paint aren’t making enough money...” “Ugh... press control shift C and type ‘motherlode’.”

...Levi made a mistake.

“FUCK YEAH! MOTHERLODE!”

His sim’s life is so chaotic, he has a piranha pool that his sim has almost died in twice, the sim is carrying on several torrid love affairs, his sim got struck by lightning, his sim has nearly died in a grilled cheese making accident twice... in the same day.

At least once Sim-Mammon and Sim-MC get married things calm down a little.

Mammon finds out what custom content is and proceeds to download EVERYTHING HE CAN FIND.

And now he’s asking Levi why his computer is running so slow.

Expansion Pack King (Leviathan)

He got into it back when the Sims 2 was new, he’s a veteran fan.

“Bro remember when Agnes Crumplebottom would show up and whack the shit out of your sims if they were flirting?”

“Remember when that witch would show up randomly on the lot you were on if you had Makin’ Magic?”

“Remember when Bella Goth was abducted by aliens and we just... didn’t question it?”

He whines about the Sims4 and how crappy it is but still buys every expansion pack, game pack, and stuff pack.

This boy watches like 40 hours of built tutorials and ends up sobbing over his weird roofs.

“WHY DOESN’T IT LOOK AS NICE AS THE ONE I’M LOOKING AT?! THIS ISN’T FAIR!”

The mod folder is so full istg-

Levi gets custom content for the sole purpose of making his favourite fictional characters.

This is why Henry and the Lord of Shadows are married and Ruri-chan and Sim-Levi are roommates.

Oh my god they were roommates-

Levi also added his brothers to the world and uh... Sim-Mammon died in a tragic pool accident F.

Levi then proceeded to befriend the Grim Reaper.

He’s anxiously awaiting the release of Paralives.

Wait Gameplay? In This Build Simulator? (Satan)

Satan’s here to build and leave. Gameplay who?

Our favourite bundle of rage is a master architect and the amount of followers on the Gallery he has shows it.

He takes up those build shell challenges and always ends up making them look positively perfect.

Asmo’s always using his houses, and Satan often takes requests when he gets bored.

No Mammon, he reserves the right to refuse to build a golden castle for you- YOUR SIM HAS 40 SIMOLEONS-

No mods, no CC, he’s building with what EA gave him.

...and EA gave him debug objects, and he’s not going to explain how to get them.

The one time he did actually play with a family... it was one sim and seven cats.

He tries to play without cheats... and ends up getting frustrated and turns on cheats.

All hail the Pets Expansion Pack.

Custom Content Soap Opera (Asmodeus)

Asmo spends 5 hours in Create a Sim then just... clicks out of the game.

That’s how it goes most of the time, buuuuuut when he gets super invested in a family he’s made, boy howdy is he INVESTED.

Sim A is carrying on an affair with Sim C who’s in love with Sim B who’s married to Sim A but Sim D wants to kill Sim A and C even though they’re the illegitimate child of Sim C-

When Asmo realizes that in the Sims 4 he needs to manufacture all the drama himself and he can’t just sit back with a glass of wine and watch the fireworks, he switches to the Sims 2 and 3.

“...why is this old lady beating up my Sim..?”

He immediately recoils in horror upon seeing how ugly the Sims are pre Sims4.

HE NEEDS TO FIX THIS-

Ah, there we go, perfect. Custom Content to the rescue!

He ends up remaking the entire world just so he doesn’t have to look at weird looking Sims.

Asmo is the only one to have finished a proper Legacy Challenge, but it gets crazy chaotic after gen 3.

“My sim just got abducted by aliens and now he’s pregnant- WHAT?!”

He has about 40 saves and only two he actually plays.

Just a Big Ol’ Happy Family (Beelzebub)

Beel found the game, proceeded to make everyone in create-a-sim to the best of his abilities, and made everyone get along.

That’s why Sim-Lucifer and Sim-Belphie are on a swing set together, they’re friends :D

“Hey Luke do you think you can make this?” “I-is that a cake shaped like a hamburger?” “Yes. Please make.”

He took one look at the cooking options and decided to max out his Sim’s cooking skill to unlock all the options.

Beel proceeded to drool all over his keyboard. Gross...

Boy howdy did he have some crazy dinner suggestions!

Overall, very wholesome Sim-life, except for the time Sim-Levi died because the toilet caught fire, don’t worry, Sim-Beel knows how to make ambrosia.

All is good in the Sim save...

...until Sim-Beel ate pufferfish nigiri and fuckin died-

Wait Did I Not Pause- (Belphie)

Huh, this game looks fine... I’ll play for a little- *SNORE*

Belphie makes some sims, plops them into a starter home, plays for an hour, then falls asleep.

He wakes up five hours later to absolute carnage.

Three sims have died because someone decided to make Mac and Cheese and the oven caught fire, the kids were taken away by social services, and the dog ran away.

“...heheh, holy shit everyone look.”

He doesn’t play often, but when he does, death occurs. He has found out every death method for every game from Sims 2 to 4.

And that INCLUDES the Sims Medieval! You guys remember that game?

Sometimes it’s not intentional, but Belphie got bored with the totally normal life his sims were living and decided to spice it up.

“Why are the ghosts breaking my showers..?”

Help There’s a Bug- (Diavolo)

The Crown Prince started playing when he noticed Lucifer was playing it.

He was immediately obsessed.

Dia mostly plays the Sims Medieval because he likes the feeling of achievement after completing a quest!

“Barbatos... why isn’t my Sim completing their task? The icon won’t show up.” “My lord it appears the game is bugged.” “:(“

No one thought to tell Diavolo that EA doesn’t plan on offering bug support to a game made in like... 2009

This doesn’t matter! Look at how great his kingdom is doing- oh no his hero has the plague-

He plays through the Pirates and Nobles expansion and manages to get the peaceful ending, he’s so proud of himself.

“MC! Look! My Monarch’s sword is permanently on fire and I’m fighting an evil wizard!”

When he does play the other Sims games he’s pretty basic, though, he does a great job at furnishing!

Dia gets crazy sad when his Sims die... he turns off aging.

Builder no. 2 (Barbatos)

Barbie doesn’t have time for this... but when he does, he builds.

No create a sim.

No playing the game as intended.

Just builds.

It’s relaxing, okay? A nice little suburban house he’s never going to play in, maybe a treehouse, maybe a big Hollywood Mansion...

The only time he actually plays the game outside of build mode is when someone needs his help to fix something in-game.

He does download custom content build items if he feels bored by the current selection.

Oh Crap What Am I Doing?! (Simeon)

Help him. Please.

He’s so confused.

“Luke, why is my sim upset?” “He’s hungry, Simeon.” “Oh, how do I fix that?” “...Simeon-”

There’s a toilet in the middle of the living room.

The fridge is facing the wall.

There’s no bathtub or shower.

The house is on fire- there is no god- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

Okay, once he gets the hang of it he’s sitting pretty. His sims have good jobs, the kids are getting good grades, everything’s fine.

...

But Simeon won’t forget the nightmares.

What Even is This Save? (Solomon)

Solomon’s save is the definition of chaos.

One sim’s a vampire, the other is a spellcaster that really wants to fight the Callientes for some reason, there’s one normal sim that’s always sick for some reason,

It gets weird, confusing, and horrible.

Just how Solomon likes it.

His house makes no sense, like, what even is architecture?

Money cheats are needed because Solomon‘a goal of chaos and confusion is proving to be kind of expensive.

Square up Mortimer Goth, Solomon’s sims are here to steal your weird knight statue that’s worth a shit ton of simoleons for NO REASON.

He joined the scientist career for the sole purpose of getting to the alien planet and kidnapping adding an alien to the household via cheats.

The vampire ended up dying on their wedding day because Solomon forgot that he gave them the sun weakness.

Oh well, the ghost got added to the household! VAMPIRE GHOST!

The Child (Luke)

Before you say Luke’s too young to play the Sims, you should know that I was nine when I first started playing, and I turned out fiiiiiiiiiine.

He’s just happy to be playing.

Look, his sims are gardening :D

Look, two of them are getting married :D

Look, they had a baby :D

Look, his sims are building a rocket ship :D

Look, his sims’s rocket just crashed-

The concept of death hit the little angel right in the face that day.

“*sniffle*... my sims...”

Don’t worry, with tears in his eyes, Luke quit without saving and everything was fine!

Speaking of My Sims, Luke played MySims Sky Heroes and that was when Luke had his first bout of gamer rage.

MC came over to hang out with Solomon and Simeon, and in the distance they could just hear:

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN MY TIME WASN’T FAST ENOUGH TO CONTINUE THE STORY!? I’LL SHOW YOU FAST ENOUGH TIME!”

Okay, maybe Simeon should take the game away... just for a bit... he should take heed not to be bitten by the incredibly angry chihuahua.

Bonus:

MC: Why are our Sims married?

*Insert Boy Here*: Uh... that’s weird... I have no clue why they’re doing that...

[dreamwritesimagines]

Twisted 25 - The Family Dinner [Spencer Reid x Reader]

A.N.: Thank you so much for your wonderful support my loves! Here’s the next chapter, I hope you will like it as well, and please let me know what you think of it! ❤❤ Ily, kisses! ❤❤❤

Series Masterlist

Warnings: Murder, serial killers, violence, manipulation, mentions of sex, drinking, smoking.

Word Count: 5300

Summary: Family time can be chaotic.

Sharing secrets was difficult, but sharing secrets about one’s past was quite possibly one of the most difficult things that a person could do with who they loved. You knew how difficult it was for Spencer to talk about his past with you, but he stood by his word and told you absolutely everything, with nothing to hide. By the time you finished that conversation, it was almost dawn and yet you didn’t feel tired at all.

After that night, something changed but it wasn’t a bad change like Spencer feared.

You felt even closer to him, if such a thing was possible. In the following week, your relationship was better than ever-

Well.

Until now.

“I don’t believe this,” you shook your head, “I just… I refuse to believe this. After everything we’ve been through, I don’t even want to believe you’d put yourself in harm’s way and betray me like this. I get that you have no regard for your happiness, but doing this?” you ran a hand over your face, “This is too much, Spencer. You have no idea what you’re walking into, what kind of danger that’s going to be waiting there to ruin you!”

Spencer just raised his brows, then looked between the two ties he was holding up.

“So that’s a no to the blue one?”

“No to this whole thing!” you let out a groan, falling back to the bed, “No to this dinner with my family nonsense!”

He chuckled at your dramatics as you huffed out.

“Don’t you think maybe you’re worried about the wrong thing?” he asked, “You’re also meeting your father today.”

“But we know my father is a sadistic cruel demon sent to earth to make everyone’s life miserable,” you pointed out, keeping your eyes on the ceiling, “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but my father isn’t the only dangerous person in my family.”

“It’s just a dinner.”

“No, that’s what they want you to think,” you insisted, sitting up in bed, “Before you know it, they invite you to our place by the lovely countryside, and you’ll walk in thinking it’s just like any other place, there are wolves howling outside and-“

“Why are you giving me the plot of Dracula right now?”

“Because that’s what they are!” you exclaimed, “They’re like vampires! Have you ever wondered why my sister was named Mina? Dracula’s Mina!”

“Your mother loves horror books?”

“Spencer you can’t ignore the signs!” you insisted as he started tying his tie, a small grin pulling at his lips, “They’ll- they’ll suck the life out of you! By the time the dinner is over, you will be begging to see the sunlight again, and you will never be able to. Figuratively speaking.”

“Sweetheart, I’ve already met all of them,” he said patiently and you felt your heart melt, “In case you forgot.”

“Yes, and do you remember how that went?” you asked, “Nolan threatened you, my mother treated you like she was going to hire you and questioned you about everything, and Mina… Mina is a warning by existence.”

“Kenzie was nice though.”

“Yeah, she’s the only good person in our family,” you muttered, then turned your head when you felt his glances on you. “What?”

“Nolan is a part of your family?”

“Ugh, don’t remind me,” you scrunched up your face and grabbed your lip liner and lipstick to walk to the mirror, uncapped it and started applying it, “I’m going to have a billionaire stepfather who looks like a puppy around my mother— that’s not the point.” You put the lipstick into your purse and went to sit down on the bed again while he ran his fingers through his curls as if trying to keep them under control, “I just don’t want you to change your mind because my family doesn’t know how to act normal.”

“Change my mind about what?”

“About this,” you motioned between you and that was more than enough to make him turn his head, his brows furrowed. “I love them, but they’re going to be overly prying, overly dramatic, overly….everything and the next thing we know—“

“That’s never going to happen,” he approached you to crouch down so that he could look at you better, then reached out to entwine his fingers with yours, “That’s why you were so nervous about this?”

You pursed your lips, heaving a sigh and shrugged silently.

“Do you remember what you said to me a couple of days ago, that night?” he asked, “How trust works both ways?”

“You already know almost everything about my past.”

“That’s not it,” he shook his head, “This is about our present, and future.”

“Or lack thereof,” you commented dryly, making him chuckle.

“Do you seriously believe that?”

“They can be a little intimidating.”

“I’ll be fine,” he assured you, “And no matter what happens tonight, or on dinners to come with-“

“Social vampires.”

“With your family,” he corrected you, “It won’t change anything. I promise.”

You cupped his cheek, running your fingertips over his slight stubble and he turned his head to place a kiss into your palm, nuzzling there.

“Fine,” you murmured, “Let’s go see my sadistic demon father then. Should be enough of a practice for tonight.”

                                              ***

When you and Spencer got to the prison your father was held in, Luke was already by the hallway, waiting for you.

“Hey,” he said, “He’s going to be ready in five.”

You nodded, “Okay.”

“And don’t worry, after you guys are done here, I’m taking him to bullpen and he will leave at 7 p.m. latest. Rossi promised, even if there’s a dead body he’s gonna attend the dinner tonight.”

You looked up at Spencer, “Wait, there was a possibility of you not attending if someone ends up dead?”

“I mean if there’s a case…”

“Please don’t kill someone so that you guys can avoid this dinner,” Luke pointed out and you made a face at him, “We took you off our suspects list way too soon.”

“Hilarious,” you deadpanned and one of the guards opened the door.

“He’s ready.”

“I’ll be behind the glass if you two need anything.” Luke said and Spencer squeezed your hand as if trying to assure you everything would be alright.

“Come on,” he coaxed and you nodded, then took a deep breath and entered the interrogation room, Spencer following you. Your father looked up, then raised his brows.

“Oh look at you two, together again,” he said and you rolled your eyes, trying your hardest not to show how nervous you were. You took your seat across from him beside Spencer, and crossed your arms.

“John.”

“Dr. Reid.”

“So that’s why you haven’t had the time to come and see me lately,” your father motioned between you, “I can hardly say I approve but…”

“Oh that’s good. I’d probably kill myself if I did something you’d approve of.”

“Honey, you’re surrounded by CEOs and businessmen, and you went for an FBI agent?”

“What the fuck does that have to do with-”

“How much do you make monthly?” he asked, turning to Spencer, “I mean, I need to make sure-“

“Oh shut up, will you?” you cut him off, “He’s going to be hearing all that nonsense and more tonight, I don’t need this from you too.”

“Tonight?”

You and Spencer exchanged glances and he shrugged slightly, as if telling you to continue. A small smile pulled at your lips and you turned to your father.

“We’re having a family dinner tonight,” you said, “Naturally it doesn’t include you, so there’s one good thing about this bullshit, I guess.”

“Well, if it doesn’t include me you could hardly call it a family dinner.”

Your smile widened and you clicked your tongue,

“Nah, Nolan is going to be there so we’ll be fine. The whole family is there.”

Your father frowned, “Nolan?”

“Yeah,” you said, “Yeah, mom’s boyfriend.”

A silence fell upon the room as he stared at you for a couple of seconds,

“Your mother has a boyfriend now?”

You hissed in a breath,

“You’re right, boyfriend doesn’t exactly cut it,” you said, “He’s going to propose, so I guess we could call him mom’s future husband-“

“You’re lying,” he cut you off and you tilted your head.

“Am I though?”

“She wouldn’t get married,” he shook his head, “No way.”

A laughter escaped from your lips, “Why not?” you asked, “Because she loves you?”

“Yes she does.”

“The last time I checked, she called you a monster and was hoping you would die as soon as possible,” you stated, “Barely a love story.”

“Of course you wouldn’t understand,” he said through his teeth, “Your mother and I were in love, Petal. We still are, regardless of divorce, or this.” He motioned around the room and you blinked a couple of times, trying to wrap your mind around it.

“Jesus, you really are delusional.”

Spencer muttered your name to remind you to be careful, but you shook your head, keeping your eyes on your father.

“I’m pretty sure Nolan could buy this whole prison,” you motioned around, “I should suggest that, as a wedding gift.”

“They won’t get- hold on,” your father said, “Did you say Nolan? Nolan Yates?”

“Mm hm.”

“Nolan fucking Yates is going after my wife?”

“Ex-wife who hates your guts,” you corrected him and he gritted his teeth.

“I knew it,” he spat, “The first time I saw him at that gala, I saw the way he looked at your mother. They’re not getting married.”

“Okay then you lunatic,” you scoffed “I guess you need something to have delusions about while we’re out there moving on—“

It happened in a flash. One second you were talking, the next you were cut off as your father jumped on his feet, Spencer pushing you out of your chair to behind him almost automatically.

Then, something in Spencer’s eyes shifted.

He grabbed him by the arm, twisted it and slammed him down to the table in front of you, making you cover your mouth, your heart beating in your throat as the door opened with a bang and Luke and two guards came in.  Luke was the first to pull Spencer off of your father, telling him to let go while one of the guards grabbed you and pushed you out of the room before he made his way to your father still trying to get out of the handcuffs and lunge at them as if he was a man possessed. They dragged him out of the interrogation room to what you assumed was the hall that led to his cell while you stood still by the wall, trying your hardest to snap out of it but your mind was almost foggy.

“Excuse me,” you managed to say as you made your way to the bathroom, your hands still shaking. Thankfully no one was there, so you rested your palms on the sink, taking a deep breath before you turned on the tap, holding your hands under the ice cold water.

“Okay,” you muttered to yourself, “It’s fine. You’re fine. It happens, you have a fucked up family.”

You rolled your shoulders back, that crazy light in your father’s eyes flashing in your mind before you shook your head, exhaling slowly.

“Y/N?” Spencer’s voice reached inside as he knocked on the door, “Can I come in?”

Your heart was still pacing in your chest but you cleared your throat.

“Yeah,” you called out and he stepped inside, his lips pulled into a thin line as he offered you a small smile.

“Hi,” he said gently, still keeping his distance, standing by the now closed door. “Are you okay?”

You nodded, crossing your arms, adrenaline still pulsing through you, “Yeah, of course.”

“I’m sorry,” he said and you pulled your brows together.

“Huh?”

“That you had to see that,” he said, “I know I shouldn’t have slammed him down like that, but when he lunged at you, I just…. I saw red. I understand that it was hard to watch and I apologize—“

“Hold on,” you cut him off, gawking at him “You’re apologizing because you stopped that psycho from lunging at me?”

Spencer frowned as if he was confused at your own confusion, and nodded.

“Yeah. Human mind is very complex, so even if you think you hate him, it could’ve been difficult for you to see him hurt, not to mention it was me who did that. Jung has a theory that states—“

“Spencer,” You interrupted him again, “Lock the door.”

His frown deepened but he did as you asked, but he didn’t get to ask why when you walked to him and pulled him into a kiss, wrapping your arms around his neck and standing on your tiptoes. His hand cradled your head, a sigh of content escaping him but he pulled back when you grabbed his tie to loosen it.

“Wait, here?” he asked, “Y/N, this is a bathroom.”

“Yeah, I’m aware?”

“Do you have any idea how unsanitary this place probably is?”

“Oh, very unsanitary,” you stated, “On the other hand, though…”

You shrugged your shoulders and pulled your silk blouse over your head, so that he could see you in your bra. He stared at you for a moment and he swallowed thickly, his eyes snapping up to yours when you giggled.

“You make a good point,” he muttered before he pulled you into a kiss and walked you back to the sink.

                                                ***

Unfortunately, the rest of the day wasn’t that fun, especially when it was time to get to your mother’s house for the family dinner. You had insisted on picking Spencer up from work after you were done at your work, so that you would at least try to change his mind on the road again, but when you actually arrived to your mother’s place, he still looked like he wanted to do this.

“Last warning,” you said as Spencer looked up at the house, then twirled the flower bouquet in his hand, “Not too late to change your mind professor.”

“I’ll be fine, come on,” he offered his free hand and you took it, then both of you climbed the stairs to the front door.

“I’m a little nervous, in case you couldn’t tell.”

“You hummed the Darth Vader theme for the whole road,” Spencer reminded you, “I had a feeling you were nervous, yeah.”

“Abandon hope all ye enter here,” you quoted Dante as you both reached the door and Spencer scoffed a laugh.

“Ah we went from the den of vampires into the gates of hell, then?”

“Yeah! As Dante would put it, to a place we come where nothing shines.”

“I doubt he envisioned this when he was talking about the circles of hell.” He rang the doorbell and you let out a small whine, looking up at the dark sky.

“There are worse people than me out there,” you said as the footsteps came closer, “Why am I being subjected to—“

“Spencer!” your mother greeted him as she opened the door and you frowned.

“Since when do you answer the door?” you asked and she shot you a look before smiling at Spencer.

“Hello Ms. Knight.”

“Welcome, both of you!” she gasped at the flowers, “For me?”

“Oh—yes, of course.”

“They’re lovely, thank you!” she said and took them from him, “Come in, come in!”

“No I’m serious, did something happen to Tina? You never answer the door.”

“It’s nice to see you too sweetie, I see we started our dramatics on the way.” she kissed your cheek and you smiled.

“Hi mom.”

“Let me put these in a vase.”

“Spencer!” a gleeful scream rang in the hallway as your mother went to the kitchen and Lily threw herself at Spencer who crouched down as soon as he saw her “Hi!”

“Hi there! Whoa, you’re very strong!”

“Just in time for bedtime,” Kenzie walked into the hallway with a wine glass in her hand, “Hi guys.”

“I told mommy you’re a magician! And grandma, and Nolan too!” Lily counted with her fingers, “And I told them- I told them you can make coins disappear, and that you can do magic with paper, and then—“

“Bug, breathe,” you said, “Also, where’s my hug?”

Lily hastily rushed to you to hug you, then turned to Spencer as if she wasn’t interrupted while he just watched her with a fond smile on her face, listening intently to everything she was saying, and that warm feeling spread through your stomach again.

“And then I told Bobby I know a superhero, then he told me superheroes can’t be magicians but he’s wrong! Do you use magic to catch bad guys? Because if you do, I can help you with your superhero name!”

“Alright, auntie time.” you lifted her up into your arms as Spencer straightened up, “Sorry about that.”

“No, don’t,” Spencer shook his head, still smiling, “Please, I… she’s amazing.”

“Lily,” Kenzie said, “Bed time, come on.”

“Can you show me a magic trick please and thank you?” Lily said breathlessly and Spencer let out a laugh before turning to Kenzie.

“Is that okay?”

“Sure thing.”  

Spencer took out a coin from his pocket and held it in her sight, “Alright Lily, this is just a coin, right?”

“Don’t let him trick you,” you whispered to Lily who giggled, then nodded fervently after checking the coin.

“Yes.”

“Okay, keep your eyes on it,” Spencer showed it to her one more time before he put it into his palm, closed his palm and when he opened it, the coin was nowhere to be seen. Lily gasped, her jaw dropping and you couldn’t help but smile at her expression, her eyes shining with awe. You pressed a kiss on her cheek as Kenzie took her from you, and she let out a whine.

“But you all will have fun here!” she murmured, pouting and you heaved a sigh.

“Lily I can assure you, no one will have fun here.”

“Don’t be like that,” Kenzie shot you a look and smiled at Spencer. “She didn’t intimidate you, did she?”

“She tried,” Spencer said as you wrapped your arms around his torso and he kissed the top of your head, “Didn’t exactly work though.”

“For some reason,” you grumbled and Lily waved at you.

“Night night!”

“Good night!”

“I’ll see you later bug!” you said and entwined your fingers with Spencer’s, then pulled him to the dining room where Kenzie and Nolan were talking. Before you could even greet them, the sight of the dinner table caught your eye and you gawked at all the food there, your mother was definitely out of control and this was the proof of it.

There was enough food for a small army.

“Oh God please don’t tell me we’re going to have live music too,” you muttered and Mina raised her brows.

“Yeah, you might want to lower your expectations,” she shot a fake smile at Spencer, “But then again, that seems to be the theme of tonight. Hi Dr. Reid.”

You gritted your teeth, glaring at her and of course the jab didn’t escape Spencer’s attention, but he chose not to respond with the same sarcasm.

“Hi again.”

“Welcome, Dr. Reid,” Nolan smiled, “Y/N.”

“Hi Mr. Yates.”

“Nolan.”

“So this is where you grew up?” Spencer asked you as you led him away from them towards the library, and you nodded.

“Yeah,” you said, “Right over there me and Mina got into a fight and she pushed me into a vase.”

“Ouch.”

“Spent the next ten minutes begging me not to tell mom. Over there,” you pointed at the corner, “Used to be this huge Christmas tree every year.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, and we used to have another room next to this, dad’s study, but after he was arrested and we all figured out how evil he was, mom grabbed a sledgehammer and smashed the—“

“Dinner is ready!” your mother called out and you heaved a sigh.

“Just saying, we could just tell them there’s been a murder.”

“You don’t give up, do you?” he smiled at you fondly and you shook your head, Kenzie entering the living room again.

“I’ve been called stubborn before.”

“Can’t imagine why,” he joked as he kissed you on the forehead and you turned to your family who was slowly taking their seats around the table, then both of you approached the table to sit down as well.

“I’m so glad we decided to have this dinner,” your mother clasped her hands, “It was about time, wouldn’t you say?”

Spencer smiled at her after thanking the maid who was filling his glass, “Thank you for inviting me Ms Knight.”

“Y/N was trying to make him change his mind,” Kenzie sang and your mother tilted your head.

“Spencer, I promise you we’re not as bad as my daughter tries to make you believe.”

“I’m not saying you’re bad,” you defended yourself, “I’m just saying you might be a little too much.”

“Define too much.”

You gawked at her and motioned at the table, making Spencer chuckle silently beside you.

“I really appreciate the effort you put into this,” he added, making your mother smile.

“Why thank you, Spencer,” she said and turned to Nolan, “Honey, Spencer works for the BAU as you know, you should introduce him to your friend.”

“Your friend?” Kenzie asked.

“The head of FBI,” Nolan said, “That’s a great idea. He might also help you in any position you want in the bureau.”

Spencer blinked a couple of times, as if he was at loss for words, then cleared his throat.

“Thank you,” he said “I already- I already have the position that I want though.”

“Ah for the future,” Nolan waved a hand and your mother sipped her drink.

“Yeah, now that it came up,” she said, “What are your future plans?”

“Mom,” you said warningly and Mina leaned back, looking between you with a smirk on her face.

“It’s just a question, don’t be so nervous,” she commented and Kenzie arched a brow at her.

“Mina.”

“No it’s okay,” Spencer pushed his hair behind his ear, “I um… I think I’d like to focus more on teaching.”

You lowered your glass, “Hm? Really?”

“Yeah,” he nodded, “I mean I do love BAU, they’re my family but seeing murders every single day, seeing all those victims, it becomes too much sometimes. But I love teaching already, so I think I will do that. In the future, I mean.”

“Oh how lovely. How about something other than your career though? In your future, would you say you’re planning to have chi—“

“New topic,” you cut her off quickly, “I saw dad today, and he knows you two are dating now.”

Your mother frowned but Nolan reached out to squeeze her hand, “It’s okay, he would learn eventually.”

“He actually thinks he is in love with you,” you told your mom and she scoffed.

“Please don’t say that, we’re eating,” she said, “I don’t want to feel nauseous.”

“It’s actually understandable that he’s under that disillusion.” Spencer said, making all of you turn to him, “Especially people in his situation, they feel this need to hold onto some outside world that’s waiting for them to get out of their minds. In a way, he hopes that because if he feels cut off from here, he will probably crash down. It’s very common in people who are imprisoned.”

“Well he can hope all he wants, I never want to see him again.”

“I’m sure Y/N doesn’t want to see him again either, but she’s not that lucky, thanks to FBI. What do you think about that, Spencer?” Mina asked, and Spencer looked at her.

“I think that’s a decision left to her.”

“Is it though?”

You narrowed your eyes. “Mina I need you to remember what I was like when we had dinner with Kenzie, and return the favor.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means shut the fuck up.”

“Y/N!” your mom gasped and Mina tilted her head.

“Ah well, excuse me if not all of us are in a forgiving mood unlike you.”

“None of that!” your mother said, “Both of you, honestly…”

“Spencer, you strike me as a whiskey guy,” Nolan said, attracting his attention, “I purchased a bottle of limited series in an auction in London the other day, would you like to try it after dinner?”

“Sure,” he nodded fervently and you held up your hand.

“I want to try that too. And what about that rum you were talking about the other day? Is it here too?”

“Sure thing.” Nolan snapped his fingers, “In fact, I know a great distillery, why don’t we visit there after dinner?”

You lifted your head, “That could be fun. Where?”

“Costa Rica.”

Spencer looked between you, “You—um, you want to go to Costa Rica after dinner?”

“We could take the jet. We’d be back before the dawn, obviously.”

“People,” you cleared your throat, “Has no one read the normalcy manual I e-mailed you the other day?”

“Yes but the manual said we could talk about drinks.” Nolan said and Spencer turned to you, frowning.

“Normalcy manual?”

“I just thought it’d be useful for tonight.”

“Oh it was very useful,” Mina commented, “Especially the footnote about murders, even if it was unnecessary. No one will joke about murder Y/N, we don’t want your boyfriend to arrest you again after—“ she was cut off as Kenzie kicked her leg under the table, and Spencer pursed his lips, as if he still felt guilty about that.

“I wasn’t in the city,” he said calmly, looking her dead in the eye, “I came back as soon as I heard, I was trying to get her out when you got there.”

“You don’t have to explain anything,” you said, “Mina , stop it will you?”

She didn’t even look like she heard you, “Get her out? Ah so that’s why I walked into that interrogation room when she was being hounded by your team?”

“Okay!” Kenzie said loudly, throwing the napkin on the table, “I’m so sorry, I just remembered something about Lily’s school that we missed. Babe, can you come with me to the kitchen for a moment please?”

Mina huffed out and put her glass down, then pushed her chair back and followed Kenzie to the kitchen.

“Honestly….” you downed your drink and motioned for another one but then Spencer squeezed your hand under the table, as if trying to assure you.

“I bet you miss the serial killers right now huh?” you mumbled and he tilted your head, humoring you.

“Drinks are better here,” he admitted and you tried to smile before you grabbed your cigarette pack from your purse.

“I’m gonna go to the backyard for a moment to smoke,” you said and your mother shot you a look.

“It’s dinner time, Y/N.”

“It’ll take like five minutes, tops,” you said and pushed your chair back, “I need some fresh air anyway. Spencer?”

“Sure, I’ll come with you,” he said and followed you down the hall until you reached the door to the backyard, opened it and stepped outside.

It was a silent night, as silent as it could be in the middle of the city. You looked up at the stars as you lit your cigarette, then heaved a sigh and leaned back to Spencer’s chest when he wrapped his arms around you, resting his chin on top of your head.

“I apologize on her behalf,” you said and he shook his head.

“You don’t have to,” he muttered, “She has a point. I should’ve… I should’ve been there, in that interrogation room.”  

You looked up at him, then reached up to run your fingernails over his slight scruff while he lowered his head to press his nose into the crook of your neck, nuzzling there.

“Spencer, you need to stop blaming yourself,” you said slowly, “I mean it. I don’t blame you for that at all— and….you know Mina. She just turns into someone else when it comes to protecting the family. She doesn’t mean it, not really.”

He nodded silently and you combed back his hair with your fingers, making him heave a sigh.

“This is nice,” he muttered and you let out a small laugh.

“So are you ready to admit that I was right?”

“Hm?”

“I said you would regret it, do you regret it yet?”

“The dinner?”

“Yeah.”

He shook his head “No.”

“Why not?”

His arms around you tightened and he pressed a kiss to your neck, “Because you’re here.”

You closed your eyes for a moment, enjoying the warmth of his body against yours and you stubbed your cigarette before you turned to him. He smiled at you and you couldn’t help but stare at him under the dim lights of the backyard before you stood on your tiptoes and brushed your lips against his.

“God, I love you so much,” you said, making him smile, “Thank you for being here and… I don’t know, going through this absolute torture. I know it’s a lot.”

“Hey,” he cupped your cheek, running his thumb over your cheekbone, “I need you to listen to me, okay?”

You nodded, looking up at him.

“There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you,” his voice was silent, almost hesitant, “To make you happy. You know that, right?”

You could feel the burning in your eyes and you sniffled, your heart skipping a beat before you wrapped your arms around his neck, burying your face into his chest. The rest of the world felt like it disappeared as you swayed from side to side, inhaling his scent and you pulled back.

“I know now,” you wiped at your nose, clearing your throat and he pushed your hair behind your ear.

“Good,” he grinned, “Glad we cleared that out.”

Someone knocked on the door and you turned your head to see Mina as she opened the glass door.

“So about earlier,” she leaned sideways to the doorframe, “Apologies and remorse, etc.”

“That means she’s sorry for what happened earlier,” you said helpfully and Spencer scoffed a laugh, shaking his head.

“You don’t need to apologize,” he said, “I get it. Trust me, I felt exactly the same when I saw the tape, but I was trying to get her out with minimum damage.”

Mina nibbled on her lip, eyeing him up and down.

“I guess,” she said, “But just so you both know, mom and Nolan are actually planning a weekend trip to Costa Rica. It’s like what happened with Kenzie all over again, only there’s two of them now.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” you muttered and Mina nodded at Spencer.

“Yeah so you might need to tell them you have murders to solve during the weekend Sherlock, because they’re not going to listen to us.” she said and Spencer looked down at you.

“I’ll be there in a second,” you said and he pressed a kiss into your hair before making his way inside. Mina lingered there for a moment, inspecting her fingernails in a complete nonchalant manner.

“I guess I could trust you to know what you’re doing,” she said, “Just make sure he doesn’t screw you over, okay?”

You raised your brows, then clicked your tongue.

“Kenzie said no sex unless you apologize huh?”

“She meant it too!” Mina whined as you walked past her, letting out a laugh.

“Unbelievable,” you shook your head with a smile, making your way to the dining room. “All of you.”

Chapter 26 

[oblivions-dawn]

🖊 🖊 🖊 🖊 🖊 🖊 🖊

[SLAMS PENS INTO SENU’S HANDS]

[scoops up the pens] The power . . . (◕‿◕) Oh yeah. It's all coming together.

🖊 I definitely DON'T have another Skyrim fanfiction in the works I definitely don't--okay, fine, yes, I do. It's slow going because I HATE my introduction right now aaaaand haven't come up with how to fix it. Shatha is my Argonian Listener and she's GREAT. She's a little crazy and her backstory is . . . sad, I suppose, but she WILL make an appearance in Petrichor. Don't worry everyone EVERYTHING WILL ALL MAKE SENSE YOU JUST HAVE TO BE PATIENT! I'm really excited to write out Vig and Shatha's interactions [again] because they're very, shall I say, different from each other.

🖊 My eventual Harbinger of the Companions is a Khajiit named Do'Shavir and he loves Teldryn. At some point. But he's the sweetest of all of my OCs. He's genuine, honest, loyal, and good at heart. That means he's hurt easily and loves a lot, so I think the Companions questline would be super tough for him to handle due to all the vengeance and death that he faces. He would manage it though! He knows he has to learn and grow in order to become his very best uwu

🖊 I have a Breton Arch Mage [at the moment, I may tweak him in some ways at some point] named Vinsith and he's kiiiiind of evil. He's deep into the Daedric shit and will do anything to achieve his ends. He's also blind but uses 'magic' to see his way around! He's very charismatic towards everyone, so he's a character that has a mask he puts on for the public eye and is a very dark person in private. Let's just say that the Thalmor would be terrified of him.

🖊 My Thieves Guild Master is an Altmer named Aerwynn! I like her backstory that I've created so far but I may tweak it a little. I also have no idea who all I want her to like or romance or whatever as she's just an indecisive as she sounds. Maybe Brynjolf? Maybe Karliah? Maybe someone else entirely?? I don't know. She won't make up her mind. But she's good at being a thief and so that's why she is granted the rank of Master. I'm not sure how intimately involved she would get with Nocturnal, as I had plans to write her story out too [at some point] and certainly saw myself making changes to the questline [as one does when writing fanfiction eh?].

🖊 OH MY GOD I ALMOST FORGOT TO MENTION YOTUL!! As I'm sure everyone that has read up to chapter 5 has noticed, Yotul is not a character in the game! She's my own character, and one that I created to act as an interesting arch-nemesis to Vigdis [and Serana too]. Feran talked a little bit about what he knew of her. She's an Orsimer that's absolutely dedicated to Harkon after he saved her life and will prove to be a tough enemy. She won't play a huge part for the time being, but I do intend on having her cause problems for our favourite hunter and vampire.

🖊 Everyone should be worried about Vigdis because, seriously, I have so much planned for her. Perhaps too much. I know right now she's not really acting as the Dragonborn and is just a boring and sassy vampire hunter, but that will come into play in due time. In fact, if you have sharp eyes, it already has at least once OwO It's the little hints here and there that point to her being the Dragonborn--although they are a bit obscure and are kind of my own headcanons anyway so . . . IT WILL ALL MAKE SENSE SOME DAY AHAHAHAH [coughs] I'm fine

🖊 I also have two fraternal twins--one that's a Bard at the Bard's College and the other that ends up joining The Blades. I forget their names right now and I'm too lazy to pull up the document with all this information, but they're Bosmer! The guy that joins the Blades is a bit of a little bitch, but at least his sister is mellow and nice lsjgkdlgjl

🖊 LOOK! AN EXTRA PEN!! I have a Snow Elf OC whom I've shared photos of here named Helthune. She's been through a lot [I'm sorry for making you suffer--]. At some point I plan for her to end up in Gelebor's care, who becomes her adoptive dad because she DESERVES that, at the very least. Plus he seems like he's great dad material. Don't you think??

Uh oh. It seems I've run out of ink despite having an extra pen. [shoves empty pens into back pocket] Until next time.

[lemon-boy-stan]

SINGULARITY

summary: a millennium ago, your heart was broken by the only boy who loved you. a forever later, his heart was broken by the only girl he ever loved. genre: angst, vampire and witch!au (y/n is a witch). warnings: none, heartbreak. a/n: listen to/loop ‘singularity’ while reading.

The old birch door swung open with a creak, the rusted sign clattering in the eerie wind. You sighed. This place was old, and there might not be any Wi-Fi here. But it was your only shot at getting a good night’s sleep without the possibility of  being murdered or robbed.

The empty road was dangerous at night and you were almost out of fuel, deserted in the middle of nowhere, miles away from Seoul. It was spooky so quiet. 

There was a soft ring as the door shut and a different kind of ambience filled the velveteen walls with a ghostly light and you felt at home. A pale woman with a hunched back and greying hair appeared at the front desk - which was also birch. Birch and rusting. Like the wood was so old it rusted like metal. 

A cold breeze blew and the lady frowned, raising up her tortoiseshell glasses to her face. “We haven’t had any visitors for a long time... especially since... gosh, it’s been a while. He’ll be very happy, yes, you do look quite like her. Perhaps... perhaps the time has come... a millennium, she said... perhaps it is now time for me to rest... if only...” she appeared to be talking to herself.

You took a step back. You didn’t like this place as much as you originally did. It wasn’t as fancy, more scary. It didn’t help that the woman was really, really creepy, either. 

Despite your discomfort, the lady smiled, clearing her throat, the attention of her gazed eyes turning to you. “But of course, it’s far too dangerous for you to stay outside! Especially not at night...” she shivered, like she’d been reading your earlier thoughts. 

“Follow me, dear, there’s a room down the hall. Unfortunately, you will have to share, as the other six have been occupied for quite a long time, if I do say so myself...” she chuckled at her own joke, though you didn’t really understand it. The place looked kind of empty. “We can move your things inside once you’ve settled in.”

“Oh, no,” you interrupted her quickly, “thank you, but I’ll just be staying overnight.” you might not even stay the whole night. You’d probably find a way to sneak out later without offending the old woman, she looked lonely.

The lady chuckled sadly, “that’s what they all say, isn’t it? He always lures them here, looking for her. Poor man. Feasts on all those pretty girls. In and never out, just like clockwork. Leaves the rest for his hyungs. You’re different, though. Perhaps there is something about you, he might like, hmm? I wish you farewell and good luck, dear, this is your stop. I hope you enjoy reading.” with a tilt of her hand she waved, and then she was gone.

The door swung open by itself, whistling in the air. It was pretty spooky, and it wasn’t even Halloween yet, it was May, but the interior designers obviously didn’t think so. 

The Victorian walls were laced with black swirls that looked like cobwebs. The mirror on said wall was round and coloured an ominous black shade. The bed was black and ghastly, with black and red sheets. Above it hung a black clock that seemed to be broken. 

You checked yours, and it appeared to have stopped as well. You clicked your phone but the screen remained dark. You began to back out of the room, instincts shouting danger. The door slammed shut. The candles, scattered all over the room in black mantles, flickered, their flames swaying in the breeze as a lump formed in your throat. Whoever was here was trying to scare you, and it was working.

“Aren’t you a pretty little thing?” a thick, chocolatey, hollow voice oozed out with warmth, making you jump. The voice chuckled at your surprise obnoxiously. You turned to the corner of the room, where a man with dark hair, pale skin and a ruffled white collar sat at a writing desk, returning his fountain pen to the pot of ink. 

The beautiful man smiled, getting up. “Chaewong really outdid herself this time...” he murmured the words quietly, taking a step forwards, approaching you carefully. “What a brilliant witch she is, hmm?” the woman at the front desk was a witch? Now, that didn’t make any sense. 

“Am I high?” you didn’t mean to say. The man glared at you and you were afraid you’d offended him but thankfully, he sighed, uncrossing his arms. 

“Your generation... you’re all so naïve.” he scoffed at his own words, prancing around you like a predator stalking his prey; as if he were some kind of higher power. You frowned. What did he mean, ‘your generation’? You were the same age as he was, if not a few months younger. Anyone could tell. 

“Look,” you went with your guts. “I get that this is a joke. So, you got your eomma into it somehow, and got a bit of technology for it, too. I gotta say, great job on the set. But this is getting really creepy, and I just really need a place to stay. I don’t mind sharing a room with you, but if you don’t mind just backing off for a bit -” 

Your own eomma had always said you were bad at choosing words of speech. The man growled before huffing and uncrossing his arms again. “You always were the same, weren’t you? Stubborn. Forgetful. Ignorant.” he laughed at forgetful and you clenched your fists; you really didn’t like this guy’s vibe.

“Alright, that’s it. I’m going to call the police. You’re going to jail for harassment. See here? I’m going to call the police on you.” you wove your phone around even though you’d been having trouble turning it on. 

The man sighed sadly, “that won’t work.” he hung his head low, sniffing. The voice that dripped confidence now dripped misery. “I’m sorry, Y/N... I learnt my lesson. I really did. I love you forever. I didn’t mean to court her. I only ever wanted you; only you.”

“How do you know who I am?” these serial killers were dangerous on a whole new level. The black-haired man sighed, pushing back his dark locks. “Magic doesn’t stop time,” he murmured sadly, “but love does.” He stepped closer, hoping, praying, that you recognised those words. All you recognised, however, was that you needed to get out of here, and fast.

“Magic always came with a price,” the man continued on, “but you won’t remember that.” you felt sorry for him, perhaps he had a bad case of amnesia. “You’re the one under a memeory spell! Your own, if I do recall.” could everyone here read your thoughts? “Yes,” he crossed his arms, “yes, we can.”

“‘We’?” you thought out loud. The tall man grumbled loudly. “You used to know them. And it’s your fault you forgot them. They are members of our kingdom’s court.” now he was talking nonsense. “I am not talking nonsense,” he retorted, “merely the truth. You knew them, once, and you left them. But nevermind that. You’re here now, and right now all that really matters, is us. You and I, together again.” 

He advanced, and before you could object, hooked an arm around your waist, and placed a kiss on your lips. You gasped, but not from the kiss.  A white light flashed through your mind at an instant; a thousand memories tumbling into you all at once, pouring the heart back into your soul.

The boys at the palace were brats. They had you set the table only for them to mess it up again. They would send you to fetch things, only for them to tell you to return them shortly after. You went to school, hoping to make friends, only for them to have spread a rumor about you weeks before.

They did get better throughout the years, though, and began treating you as an equal. As their friend. And you didn’t mind, being the only girl in a group of eight. You liked it. 

But you liked one of them in particular, more than the rest. He was kind, quiet, beautiful, and he felt absolutely heavenly. His soft voice always sung you to sleep. His warm heart always comforted your broken one. He was the closest that you’d ever been to someone. He was -

“Kim Taehyung.” you spoke into the breath, gasping out the tears. You felt like someone had torn you open, pulled out your heart, thrown it away for years, only for you to find it again. “I’m sorry,” he choked, “I didn’t mean to. She. I was helpless, she...” only to find it broken again. “Please, please forgive me.” the words stung. “You let her,” your voice broke, “you let her make you a monster.” Taehyung flinched at your words.

“She made me,” he insisted, still holding you tight. “She made me. I couldn’t let her get to you, I couldn’t. I couldn’t let her turn you into...” he choked again, “into what I am.” 

Suddenly cold, you turned around, back facing him, taking a step forwards. “No!” his voice towered through the walls. Chairs and tables worked together to form a barrier that trapped you in with him. “Please,” his thick voice was shaky, “please let me love you.”

A single tear bit your cheek on its way down. That was as much as you would allow yourself over this man. He’d broken your heart one too many times. “I’m sorry, Taehyung,” you shook your head, shaking silently with tears. “But I love you too much.” 

He moaned with such misery that you wanted to break down and cry on him, just like you used to all those years ago. “At least break the curse,” he pleaded, “none of those girls are anything compared to you.” your heart screamed at you. Your lip trembled, “it’s already broken.” you knew he was frowning, “true love’s kiss.”

BTS MASTERLIST // TXT MASTERLIST

[artzychic27]

If the Art Club was basically the Addams Family

They’re morbid, have a dark sense of humor, are never seen without black, and spiders hide in their hair

Nathaniel: Gomez Addams

Always has this sinister smirk that screams, ‘I will murder you in your sleep.’

Gets excited when his boyfriend speaks Spanish

Marc: Normal people. Tan extraño.

Nathaniel: Monochrome, you know how I get when you speak Spanish! *Kisses his arm*

Never seen without his black blazer

Sharpens the ends of his paintbrushes so they can be used as knives... No reason, just does it

Blood Red and Death Row Black are his favorite colors

A true romantic

Makes passionate love with Marc at least four times a day

Nathaniel: My monochromic nightmare. Stab my heart a thousand times and I will be yours until death do we part!

Marc: I’ll got get my dagger.

Nathaniel: Will it be painful?

Marc: So much.

Marc: Morticia Addams

Wears tight black outfits

Cuts the buds off of flowers

Marc: Ugh. *Cutting up roses* Who in their right mind would plant these?

Weirded out by normal people

Marc: Nathan. That child is smiling at me. Almost as if he were... Happy.

Nathaniel: Monochrome, look away. *Shields Marc’s eyes*

Writes morbid poetry and eulogies

When Mendelive asked him to a say a prayer for their dead class hamster, this is what he said-

Marc: Come, sorrow; we welcome thee. Let us join in grief, rejoice in despair, and honor the fortunate dead.

Cut to the students and teacher backed into a corner far away from him

Encourages his friends torturing people they despise

Marc: Alix, what are you doing with that bow and arrow?

Alix: I’m gonna shoot Kim when he’s not looking.

Marc: Well that one is much too old and worn out. *Hands Alix a crossbow* There you go.

Marinette: Wednesday Addams

Marinette: I'm just like any modern girl trying to have it all. It's just, I wish I had more time to seek out the dark forces and join their hellish crusade.

Says many “disturbing” things about how to kill people

Marinette: When burrying someone alive, it’s best to staple the casket shut. They still might have the strength to try and escape

Mme. Bustier won’t call on her during class anymore

Marinette: We should be learning more important things, like how many people were decapitated during the French Revolution.

Adrien developed a small crush on her after she held a crossbow to his face

After learning that from Alya, she started leaving spiders and dead roses in his backpack

Nino: Dude! She put spiders and dead flowers in your bag!

Adrien: *Sighs* Yeah, isn’t she sweet?

Chloé or Lila: Why are you dressed like someone died?

Marinette: No one I know died today, but I’m sure I can make arrangements for your two

Still sews. Her outfits are just more gothic

Adrien: *Staring at Marinette as she walks into class wearing a black dress with red bats and skulls embroidered on the hem* She’s an absolute angel.

Enjoys torturing people she doesn’t like.

Marinette: Lila, I’m not stuck in here with you. You’re stuck in here with me.

Alix: Pugsley Addams

When she first started school: So these are the gates of hell.

Has a habit of pranking her classmates

Often, her pranks need correcting to make sure she gets a much better effect

Marinette: Alix, if you wanna make someone fall down the stairs, you gotta oil the stairs first so there’s no chance of them regaining their composure.

Alix: *Facepalms* Damn it! Of course!

Has broken the law more than ten times. Now she’s no longer welcome in Germany.

Steals street signs to hang in her room and records the sound of cars crashing on her phone

Watches emergency room mishaps at max volume so everyone can hear the cries of anguish

Myléne: What are you watching?

Alix: A doctor cut out the wrong organ! Haha!

Juleka: Grandma Addams

Training to be a witch

Trying to mix magic with music

Juleka: *Writing in her spell/song book* What rhymes with disaster?

Doesn’t show up on film at all. She’s not a vampire, because she was seen eating garlic pizza

Like Marc, she’s also disgusted by normal people

Juleka: Why must there be a fair today? All of these happy people filled with excitement and *shudders* cotton candy.

Once tried to curse Chloé. The next day, she came to school with horrible acne.

Drinks a nice tall glass of snake venom every day with her brother.

Luka is currently dueling with Adrien for Marinette’s future hand in marriage... Her actual hand.

Always trying to buy people’s souls

Rose: Fester Addams

Behind that smile, she’s wondering how and when you’ll die

Has a purse full of explosives

Hides land mines all around the school and often forgets where she hides them

Luckily manages to avoid them

Rose: *Hears an explosion* Oh. I forgot I put one there.

Prefers Grimm’s Fairytales over Disney for many reasons

Marc: *As Rose plants a land mine in the courtyard* Rose, what’s wrong? You usually plant your mines with more vigor.

Nathaniel: Oh, Monochrome, it was dreadful. Mme. Bustier made us watch Sleeping Beauty. And that awful prince slayed the dragon.

Marc: What?! How could that woman force underage children to watch such violence?!

She and Juleka aren’t as affectionate as Marc and Nathaniel, but they’re always showing their love by carving romantic messages into skulls

Alya: Where’d you even find those?

Rose: Graveyard. No one was using them

[dialovers-translations]

Diabolik Lovers VANDEAD CARNIVAL ;; Sleeping Vampire ー Sakamaki Laito

Source: Diabolik Lovers Vandead Carnival

Seiyuu: Hirakawa Daisuke

Audio: Part 1 ll Part 2

→  LIKE MY TRANSLATIONS? SUPPORT ME ON KO-FI!

*Rustle rustle*

*Thud*

Laito walks up to the bed.

“Aah, you’re finally here, Yui-chan. I’ve been waiting for you, you know~? Well then...Shall we get started~?”

He joins you under the covers.

*Creaaak*

“...There we go! (1) Haah~ Good grief.”

You shriek.

“Oh geez~ What are you screaming for? You’re such a drama queen.”

*Rustle rustle*

“Aah...Come on, don’t push that strongly! I will fall from the edge, right? ...There. ...Eh? You want to know what I’m doing...? Can’t you tell? I joined you underneath the covers?”

You protest.

“Ooh, that’s what you meant. ...I’m obviously here to pay you a nightly visit (2)~? Nfu~”

You push him away again.

*Thud*

“Oh dear~? What’s with that attitude? Do you not want this...perhaps? Haah-aah...~ Honestly...You really don’t understand, Yui-chan. For starters, I actually told you my intentions instead of immediately assaulting you, didn’t I? You should consider that very kind of me, don’t you think? Geez...

Yet you never take notice of the little ways I look out for you. For one, the real reason why I came here in the first place is because I figured that letting a lady such as yourself sleep all alone would make you feel so horribly lonely, you see? I was hoping this would help you sleep a little more soundly. Yet you show me this attitude... 

Girls really are such a handful, and I don’t understand what goes on in their heads. It’s a struggle.”

You frown.

“Hmph! But I suppose it can’t be helped. I understand now.”

*Rustle*

“I’ll do something which this fussy lady enjoys very much to improve her mood, okay? ...There we go...”

*Rustle*

*Thud*

“...Here, go ahead? ...Eh? What do you mean? ...I’m letting you use my arm as a pillow. (3) You’ve never done this?”

You shake your head.

“Girls tend to go crazy over these ridiculous kinds of physical intimacy (4), don’t they? Personally I have no idea what’s so nice about using someone’s arm as a pillow though...Oh well, whatever. Hurry up and lay down your head.”

You rest your head on his arm.

*Rustle rustle*

“...Fufu~ ...Now we’re snuggled up close enough to seem like lovers by general standards, aren’t we...Yui-chan~? If I were to move my arm a little to the side like this...I could easily pull you close to me, you know?”

You get flustered.

“Fufu~ ...Are you a little nervous, perhaps? Just because of this?”

You try and deny it.

“...I mean, just look. Your neck is so stiff...Don’t come crying to me if it feels sore afterwards? No need to be so tense, just relax. Like you’re entrusting your body to me. ...Okay?”

You sigh.

“...? ...Aah, are you having trouble sleeping laying face up, perhaps? In that case, we might as well...”

*Rustle*

“...How about you face me instead?”

You grow flustered.

“...Oh dear~? Is something the matter? Honestly, we might as well snuggle up close at this point. Fufufu...Are you flustered? All I’m doing is letting you rest your head on my arm. ...You’re so cute...Even though we’ve done ‘such’ and ‘such’ before~ Nfu~

Come on, stop holding back and relax already. Otherwise you’ll never be able to get some rest, you know? You don’t need to pay mind to me. After all, I’m just your pillow right now.”

*Rustle rustle*

“...Exactly. Looks good. How’s that? Do you think you’ll be able to sleep now?”

You shake your head.

“...Hmm? You’re too nervous, sleep is the last thing on your mind, huh? Well, why don’t we give it a try at least? ...Goodnight, Yui-chan.”

You both close your eyes.

...

.....

“...Say...Yui-chan? Yui-chan...? You’re still awake, aren’t you? Answer me~”

*Rustle rustle*

*Creaaaak*

You open your eyes again.

“Nfu~ I knew it. You can’t sleep either?”

You nod.

“...In other words, this arm pillow isn’t quite to your liking, is it? Or not? However, I’m honestly kind of glad about that. I was having a hard time understanding what exactly is so fun about this too. I mean, think about it? You’re sleepin so close to me...Yet all I’m doing is letting my arm go numb for absolutely no reason. ...It’s kind of a waste of time, don’t you think? In that case, I’d much rather...”

*Rustle*

“Embracing you until I lose the feeling in my arms is obviously much better, don’t you think?”

*Thud*

“Haah. Just like I thought, a hugging pillow is way better than an arm pillow. ...Aah, but don’t worry? I have no intention of ‘only’ using you as a hugging pillow~”

You tilt your head to the side.

“Haah...That look on your face tells me you’re completely ignorant. Well, can’t say this is anything new. I told you at the very beginning, didn’t I? ...That I’m here to pay you a ‘nightly visit’?”

Your eyes widen in surprise.

“Eh? You thought I was just joking? Did I say that? Nfufu~ Oh well, whatever. However, weren’t you actually eagerly waiting for me as well? To have me force myself upon you like this...Right?”

You push him.

*Thud*

“Fufu~ No point in feigning resistance~? I can read you like an open book after all. You’re the one who was bewildered earlier from resting your head against my arm...I’m sure that wasn’t satisfying for you, right? You must have felt so disappointed...Didn’t you think something along the lines of ‘Eh? That’s it’?...? Nfu~ How careless of me. I almost forgot that you’re the number one ‘Bitch-chan’ (5) in the world...”

You puff out your cheeks.

“If I treat you like any other average girl out there...It just won’t be enough for you, right? Nfu~ No point in hiding it. For one, the arm pillow wasn’t fun for me in the slightest either...Besides, I like that hopelessly lewd side of you as well, you know? Right...? Bitch-chan...~”

*Rustle*

“Well then, I guess I better start living up to your expectations. ...But I suppose I should get rid of all obstacles first.”

You blink in confusion.

“Eh? You want to know what those obstacles are...? Isn’t that obvious? I’m talking about that night gown you’re wearing. ...Nfu~”

*Rustle rustle*

“Come on, hurry up and take it off? ...Eh? You don’t want to? Why?”

You explain.

“Hmー Okay, I understand. I guess doing it this way actually turns you on more, huh...? In other words...You want me to rip it off your body, don’t you? Fufu~ I see. As to be expected of my Bitch-chan...~ In that case...Your wish is my command!”

*Rustle rustle*

“Nfufu...Looks like you’re protesting...Even though we both know that deep down, you want to be treated a little hard-handedly like this, don’t you...?”

You continue to protest.

“Haah...Geez. It’s quite difficult to get you to admit to your true feelings when you’re so stubborn...”

*Rustle rustle*

“Ahaha! How nice! This really does feel like I’m assaulting you in your sleep! Come on, fight back more!”

*Rustle rustle*

“Haah...~ Somehow I’ve gotten a little excited too from watching you protest like that. Say...How about we do this next...? I’ll pin you down while you’re fighting back and...Haah...Nn...”

He licks you.

*Sluuuuurp*

*Rustle rustle*

“Nn...Aah...Yui-chan. You have to fight back with all your might...Nn...”

*Sluuuuurp*

*Smooch*

“Don’t worry about working up a sweat. I’ll make sure...to lick you clean like this...Nn...”

*Sluuuuurp*

*Rustle rustle*

“...Nfufu...Look at that expression of digust...I’m really digging it, you know? Yui-chan...~ ...Haah...Even while you’re desperately fighting back...Nn...Your sweat is so...sweet...”

*Sluuuuurp*

“Haah...Seems like sneaking into your bed is proving to be very effective...Just look at how worked up you’ve gotten? Nfu~ You actually don’t dislike this at all, do you...? It’s clear as day. Aah...I’ve gotten kinda thirsty for some reason...I’d love to suck your blood right here, right now.”

You look up at him.

“Nfu~ Geez, Bitch-chan...Look at you making such a delightful expression...”

You deny it.

“Eh? You’re not? Oh come on~ ...Says the one who is dying to be bitten~? I’d love to fulfill that shameless desire of you right away. ...However. I’ll put sucking your blood on hold for today.”

You seem surprised.

“Ahaha! Look at that baffled expression! ...Are you that disappointed? I was thinking it wouldn’t be bad for me to tease you like this once in a while, you see? ...You didn’t expect that from me, did you? Say, don’t you think it’s interesting?”

You pout.

“Nfufu...Oh come on. No need to look so worried. I didn’t claim I would never suck your blood again, did I?”

You nod.

“This is just part of the game...Okay? Nfu~”

You sigh in relief.

“Fufu...Feeling a little relieved now? However, I’d rather not have you feel too much at ease either~? I did say it’s only part of the game, but I never said it’s limited to only tonight, right? If I can get a kick out of it, I wouldn’t mind continuing to keep you on edge like that for a little longer, you know~? Until you reach your limit...having grown impatient and come beg for it yourself, okay?”

You look at him longingly. 

“Nfu~ Such greedy eyes...But too bad~ I won’t give in so easily. After all, this is all part of the teasing (6), isn’t it?”

You pout.

“Oh dear? Are you perhaps turned off by this cold side of me? Don’t tell me you have zero interest in me when I won’t suck your blood~? How cruel! That might only make me want to pick on you even more though, you know?”

You flinch.

“Nfu...Just kidding~ I guess I took this joke a little too far? Guess I have no other choice. In that case...Intsead of sucking your blood, I wouldn’t mind spending the whole night...licking you all over with this velvety tongue of mine, like a piece of candy...?

You panic, trying to get out of the bed.

*Rustle rustle*

*Thud*

“Woah there! No point in trying to run at this point! You’re the one who came begging to me, and you seemed to enjoy yourself quite a bit earlier, you know? Nfu~ Well then, Bitch-chan~ I’m digging in~!”

You squeak.

“Let me start...With your exposed cleavage...Nn...”

*Sluuuuurp*

*Thud*

“Nn...Haah...Your sweat really is irresistable...Nn...”

*Rustle rustle*

“Nfufu...~ Geez, Bitch-chan...You’re letting out such erotic moans...When you give me those kind of sounds...I can’t help but want to give you what you want...”

*Rustle rustle*

“I’m even considering sucking just a little blood from your nape...Ahー But I can’t! I’m in the middle of teasing you after all! I have to keep you on edge. I know that but...Nn...”

*Smooch*

“Aah, but when I hear you cry out like that...I feel like I’ll lose control! Haah, right. I’m sorry but could you bury your face in this pillow and muffle your own voice?”

*Rustle*

“You can’t. Endure it. Just look at how hard I’m trying to hold back from sucking your blood!”

*Rustle*

“Haah...Well then, let’s get back to business...”

*Rustle*

“If I want to savor you, then the right side of your nape...This is the spot. I can pick up a faint whiff of the fresh blood delivered straight from your heart in your sweat...”

*Thud*

*Sluuuuurp*

“Nn...Aah...You’re so delicious, Bitch-chan...”

You struggle.

“Eh? You’ve already reached your limit? Do you want me to suck your blood that badly?”

*Thud*

“Aah...Geez, look at thrashing about...Haahn...~ I love it! This feels amazing...! I never thought I’d ever see you frantically seek me out like that. I can’t see your expression because of the pillow but seeing you try your hardest to endure it, writhing your body around as you suppress your own voice...It turns me on beyond belief!

Aah...Teasing each other till we’re pushed to our very limits is rather nice in a while, don’t you think...? I wonder what will happen once I suck your blood after I’ve pushed you to the very edge...!”

You suddenly faint.

“Hm...? Yui-chan...? Geez, you suddenly calmed down...Ah, are you perhaps tired from getting too worked up...?”

*Thud*

“...”

*Rustle rustle*

“Wait...? O-Oh come on, what’s wrong? Yui-chan! Can you hear me?”

*Rustle*

“Ahー ...Thank god. Seems like you aren’t dead at least but...Hello~? Bitch-chan~? Did you fall asleep? ...Well, I guess there’s just no way. Haah...Did I take my teasing a little too far after all?”

You open your eyes again.

“Ah! Thank god! You’ve regained consciousness, huh?”

You seem confused.

“Geez, Yui-chan. You suddenly fainted on me, it gave me a scare!”

You frown.

“In short, I assume you ran a little short on air. Geez, you should have told me sooner if the pillow was smothering you!”

You insist you did.

“Eh? You were constantly begging me to stop? Aah...I did hear that but...Ooh, I see! Silly me, I thought you were telling me to stop teasing. Nfu~”

You pout.

“...Pfft...Ahaha...! Ahahahaha...! Sorry, my bad~! But you know? You were just so delicious...I just lost all reason...Nfu~ Haah...Remembering it makes me itch to do it again. ...Perhaps I should actually suck your blood as well this time...?”

You protest, trying to get out of bed.

“Aah! I’m just joking! Don’t get up just yet!”

You sigh in defeat.

“Yeah, yeah. Just stay down (7), okay? Understood? I’d be bad if you were to collapse from pushing yourself, right? You were literally just out cold after all.”

You frown.

“...You seem a little upset, huh? Are you mad because I got a little caught up in the moment and went too far? Ah-aah. I’m always trying to please you though...But when you get upset like that...It puts me on the spot as well. Women really are troublesome creatures, aren’t they? ...Or maybe it isn’t ‘girls’, but just you?”

You feel a little offended.

“However, that’s what fascinates me about you as well. Haah...Well then, now that you’ve come by, we should probably try and hit the hay soon. It’s already this late, see? But...Before that...”

*Creaaak*

“...There, come here. Let’s make it up to each other?”

You seem skeptical.

“Like I said~ We have to make it up. Let me embrace you?”

You hesitate.

“Haah...No need to worry. I won’t suck your blood right now.”

You shake your head.

“Haah...Am I really that untrustworthy? Eh? ‘You reap what you sow’? ...How cruel! ...Anyway! Come here!”

*Rustle rustle*

“Phew...There we go. Say, Yui-chan? I’m sorry about earlier, okay? It was never my intention to make you suffer. I just went a little overboard with my personal way of showing physical affection. Do you understand...?”

You nod.

“...If you claim you’re no longer upset, could you raise your face and look me in the eyes?”

You look up.

“Nfu~ Thank god. Well then, to make it up to you...I’ll do something which will make you happy, okay? ...Nn.”

*Smooch*

“Nn...Fufu~ You love it when I do this, don’t you? I’m well aware. Well then...One more. ...Nn...”

*Smooch*

“...Say? Since you haven’t asked me to stop...That means I can do more...right? Nfufu~ In that case, I won’t hold back. ...Nn...Haah...”

*Smooch*

“...Eh? You can’t breathe? Oh no. Wouldn’t want you to faint on me again after all. So...Come on, part your lips...? Haah...Nn...”

Laito kisses you deeply again.

“Nnー... Is it even harder to breathe like this...? Nfufu~ Haah...Tell me if you don’t like it, okay? Then I’ll stop at once...Nn...”

*Smooch*

You writhe around.

“Fufu...You won’t say it? You really do love it when I kiss you, don’t you...? Haah...Say, in that case, can I kiss you in a different place as well?”

*Rustle rustle*

“Nn...For example...Right here...? Nn...”

*Smooch*

“And here as well...Nn...”

*Smooch*

You whimper softly.

“Hm? ...Oh dear? Is something the matter? Your face is bright red, you know?”

You try and hide it.

“Ah! Don’t tell me...Did you get aroused again...? Nfu~”

You shake your head in denial.

“Say, Bitch-chan...I do realize that my love can be difficult to understand to a certain degree...But I honestly don’t care if the average girl doesn’t get it? However...For some reason, I believe that you are the only one...who truly comprehends. ...What do you think?”

You confirm his beliefs.

“Fufu...I figured you’d say that. Haah...I’ve gotten kind of sleepy too for some reason.”

You tilt your head to the side.

“I mean, it’s so warm and cozy when I hold you in my arms like this...Pwaah...Well, guess we should sleep now. Or would you rather...continue messing around with me like this?”

Your face turns bright red again.

“If you’re in the mood for it, I will welcome that with open arms, you know? Want to just skip school tomorrow?”

You tell him you can’t.

“...Yeah, yeah. I know. I’ll get some proper rest. Geez. You are so uptight. But well, I guess it’s fine. There’s always tomorrow. I wonder what I should do with you then...~? ...Ah! Right! How about you come and sneak into my bed instead?”

You protest.

“...It’s just a joke! Come on, it hurts when you throw a tantrum right in front of me!”

*Rustle rustle*

“...Haah. Make sure to stay in my arms like this, okay? Until I wake up...When you’re this close, I’ll know what you’re up to right away, even in my sleep.”

Laito leans in.

“So don’t even think about sneaking away, okay? Nfu~”

You nod.

“Goodnight, Yui-chan. See you again tomorrow. Nn...”

*Smooch* 

ーー THE END ーー

Translation notes

(1) よいしょっと or ‘yoishotto’ is always tricky for me to translate because it isn’t exactly a real ‘word’, but more so something Japanese people will say when they make certain movements like picking up something heavy (or putting it back down), taking a seat, turning over onto their other side, etc. In certain cases it can be translated as ‘heavy-hoh’, but that didn’t quite fit here.

(2) 夜這いor ‘yobai’ is the term used for men sneaking into a woman’s bedroom at night. (Usually with not-so-pure intentions)

(3) 腕枕 or ‘ude-makura’ literally means ‘arm pillow’.

(4) The term スキンシップ or ‘skinship’ literally comes from English, but it isn’t actually used in the English language. It refers to physical contact/intimacy between couples or lovers. (Not necessarily in a sexual sense)

(5) ビッチ or ‘bitch’ in Japanese is more often used to refer to a girl with loose morals than it is to a mean/bitchy girl. The term ‘slut’ is honestly more accurate, but since ‘Bitch-chan’ is such an iconic nickname within the DL franchise, I keep it as is. 

(6) By adding the word プレイ or ‘play’, which refers to a sexual kink, I assume that he is vaguely referring to sometihng like ‘edging’ or any other form of teasing in bed/in a sexual context.

(7) The verb 寝る or ‘neru’ is often translated as ‘to sleep’ in dictionaries or textbooks, but it can refer to simply lying down in bed/on the sofa/etc. as well, without the person being actually asleep.. If you want to say someone is asleep, you can use the verb 眠る or ‘nemuru’ instead.

[veliseraptor]

got tagged for two fic writer memes yesterday! the one from @ameliarating first:

How many works do you have on AO3?

509.

What’s your total AO3 word count?

3,432,24. dang! that’s a lot of words

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

I have written for...counting the MCU as one fandom, on AO3 I have written for 32 fandoms, including at least one work in:

MCU, The Sillmarillion, Caliban Leandros, both DC and Marvel Comics, the book Barebacked by Kit Whitfield, Doctrine of Labyrinths, Doctor Who, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Star Wars, Black Jewels, Dragon Age, Lucifer, Dexter, Temeraire, Gentleman Bastard Sequence, Supernatural, A Song of Ice and Fire, Greek Mythology, Lymond Chronicles, Merlin BBC, Code Geass, Good Omens,  Death Note, and White Collar.

this is not a comprehensive list of every fandom I’ve ever written for, because it is not including ones that live only on FFN or Livejournal.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Life In Reverse tops the list (11066), aka my 200k Loki-centric post-Thor AU fic that I wrote between 2012 and 2018 and with which I have a decidedly complex relationship at this point. I love it but also I no longer think it’s my best work but also I credit it with teaching me a fuck of a lot about writing and writing longer projects in general.

With Absolute Splendor is rapidly catching up, to my astonishment (6559), despite having been posted for less than half as long. Aka the wedding planning fic that’s really just me mucking about in my Jiang Cheng and my Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian feelings, at length.

some good mistakes (4618) was my first foray into the Untamed version of “characters who hate each other going on resentful roadtrips together, feat. Lan Wangji and Jiang Cheng.” I have gone on to write others and will continue to write more.

Unraveling (3069) is a little bit of a surprise but also not - it was originally just sort of WWP stuff for my ‘what if people remembered that blunt force trauma is a really bad thing actually’ problem that pops up sometimes, re: Loki at the end of The Avengers, and then it kind of turned into a whole thing. I personally think it’s the weakest of the installments of the series it belongs to, but it is the first one and also the one that gets least into the broader family dysfunction and depression stuff that probably is less everyone’s thing (but is what came out this fic that mattered more to me, personally).

I am a little surprised to see Steve Rogers’ Halfway House for Notorious Supervillains (3068) here too! I was expecting one of the more...idk, mainstream concepts from the MCU to win out? But I also wasn’t expecting two Untamed fics to make it here, either. But I am stupid proud of this fic even if it is very extraordinarily unfinished. This is one of those unfinished fics that will nag at me unless and until I finish it, at least a little, because the concept - if I do say so myself - is so goddamn good and I think I was executing it pretty well, too.

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Pretty much never. I was never very good at it and now I’d feel like I had to go back and reply to all of them and I just. I can’t do that. and when I do try to just start at the beginning I get overwhelmed very fast and start avoiding it.

Basically I decided that if it’s a decision between wrestling with myself to reply to comments versus actually doing more writing I’m going to end up landing on the latter as feeling both more doable and more productive.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

probably it’s The Worlds Forgotten, the Words Forbidden for sheer level of “so then what was the point” of it all. but like. I’ve definitely written a few extraordinarily miserable fics, and by “a few” I kind of mean “a lot.” Other nominees I’d put down might be nor autumn falter (for currently personally making me suffer most), once there was a way to get back home (for I think having the ouchiest summary), and Waiting for the Summer Rain (which remains one of my personal favorite Supernatural fics I wrote).

but like. there are 43 fics I have marked with Major Character Death warnings and every single one of those, pretty much, has a downer ending.

Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you’ve written?

I have written several though not in a long time! My craziest probably remains the Morgoth/Cthulhu short I wrote that actually got sporked because someone took it seriously (???) enough to do that. But the craziest that actually has any merit, (I’d argue) is probably the Maeglin/Viserys one.

not linking to either, if you want to go find them I don’t think it’ll be that hard.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Yeah, a few times on a few different things. More if you count “people who seem to like the fic but love telling you how much they hate the female characters you’re writing about in it” as ‘hate’ which I would but isn’t, you know, quite as straightforward. If I had a nickel for every time someone bitched about Jane in Life in Reverse, though...lots of nickels.

Do you write smut? if so what kind?

Sure do! But what does ‘what kind’ mean, I don’t know how to answer that question. I feel tempted to just put in my “Mike’s Hard Kinks” image edit in this space.

I guess usually I tend to write smut that at least involves a little bit of a kink? I don’t think I’d feel comfortable writing entirely kinkless smut. I think I’d feel weird about it, the same way I do when I write really nice fic, generally.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I think I did back when but I don’t remember anything about it. I feel like it was one of those mass data scraping things where my fic happened to be among those caught up in it.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

I have! several actually, mostly into Russian and Chinese. every time it happens I’m immensely flattered that someone wants to put in that kind of work on something I wrote.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I think I’d be very, very bad at it.

What’s your all time favorite ship?

Depends on when you ask me! I could probably give you a top five but then I’d remember six that I forgot to mention five minutes later. I guess if I were to think about ships that feel like they hold very special particular places in my heart... Xue Yang/Xiao Xingchen, Steve Rogers/Loki, and Min/Rand come to mind.

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

oh god do you want the whole list cause honestly I could just like. screencap the entirety of my “in progress” folder with a crying emoji watermarked over it. and that’s not getting into the fics that are like...half formed babies in my consciousness but not anywhere on paper.

and also I just hate to admit that I might not finish something.

you know what? the Lucifer/Good Omens crossover I started would’ve been a lot of fun. I’m probably never going to finish it, but it would’ve been great if I had. I know other people did it too but my contribution could’ve been amazing.

I can say this very boldly with the near certainty that I’m not going to finish the fic so no one will be able to disagree.

(...also the Last Herald-Mage fix it. that was going to be a good fic too, and also will probably languish unfinished forever.)

What are your writing strengths?

I’m pretty sure dialogue is my strongest point. Dialogue and emotions, which is why I always end up just wanting to write about characters talking and having feelings at each other.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Writing action sequences throws me into conniptions every time I have to do it and I will take drastic actions sometimes to avoid doing it at all, which probably weakens the work as a whole.

Also, I don’t plan ahead and this means I write myself into corners kind of a lot. If I wasn’t writing long, dense fic it wouldn’t be a problem but here we are.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I tend to avoid it unless it’s in the context of, as in CQL/MDZS fic, leaving certain terminology untranslated. I’m pretty sure I almost never write full exchanges of dialogue in a different language than I’m using for the narration within a fic, and generally speaking my reaction to other people doing it is at least mildly negative.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Harry Potter was technically the first fandom I wrote for, but it was a crack fic I wrote to make my friends laugh more than anything; I tend to count Wheel of Time as my first actual fandom for which I wrote my first actual fic.

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

some days the answer is “all of them” and some day the answer is “I don’t like anything I’ve written in my entire life” and I never like giving this a definitive answer. yesterday I reread efforts in a common cause (the bound copy!! thanks @spockandawe) and you know what, that was a good fic and I’m proud of it, so I’m going with that one, for this meme, today.

tagging: @mostfacinorous, @jaggedcliffs, @silvysartfulness, @mikkeneko, @kasasagi-eye, @curiosity-killed, how many people am I supposed to tag for this one anyway

[barbecuebabybackribs]

Emmett Cullen Having a Male Mate would include:

(I haven’t Slept in 72 hours so if this is bad I’ll rewrite it as soon as I’m able to get some proper sleep :) just let me know. This is also a long one and I hope y’all enjoy. Stay safe y’all)

Requested by: @shamelessloverhairdopainter​ (If this isn’t to your liking feel free to dm me and let me know)

He was not expecting you to walk in the door

Not because you’re a man, because he thought Alice would have given him a heads up

Doesn’t approach you at first, he’s to starstruck.

You notice his stare and offer him a small smile

He would normally feel slightly embarrassed for being caught gawking at you but he’s to busy being an extremely excited goofball

“Edward! What’s the new kid thinking!”

Edward had been shifting his eyes in between the two of you since the moment Emmett saw you

“He think’s your ‘kinda cute’ but is mainly confused about where he’s supposed to be going.”

“I know how to solve that!” He exclaims, slamming his hand on the table as he gets up

The man is nervous as hell walking up to you but the overwhelming urge to be near you over-rides the nerves

He forget’s about personal space for a second and walks up right behind you

“Uhm, excuse me.” He’d say tapping your shoulder

Not expecting you to flinch so hard you drop all the papers your were carrying

“Oh god I’m so sorry.” Suddenly those pesky nerves flood back

You’re still having a small heart attack as he starts to gather up your papers

“I-It’s okay, you just surprised me is all.” 

Your heartbeat quickens slightly when you realize your jump scare mystery man was the cute guy who was staring at you- this does not go unnoticed by Emmett

“I’m Emmett, you just looked sort of lost so I was going to ask if you needed help.” He smirks handing your papers back.

“Oh? Was it that obvious?”

“Well the fact that you had your head stuck in a map was a dead giveaway.”

He ends up showing you around for the rest of the lunch break, talking and joking around as he does.

You didn’t know why he had decided to help you- considering everyone else just ignored you- but you were glad he did

He was glad he did too

You end up meeting everyday at lunch to hang out

Meeting up with him becomes on of the highlights of your day.

He is constantly bugging Edward and Jasper to know what you’re thinking and feeling

“Emmett If you want to know what he’s thinking just go and ask him!” Edward snaps after Emmett had caught him in a bad mood.

You overhear the conversation and although are a little confused at the context, you can’t help but get a little pissed off he was talking to Emmett like that.

Emmett awkwardly walk over to you and ask’s what your doing

“Nothing much, Hey can I ask you something?”

“Shoot.”

“Why’s your brother being such a dick?”

Emmett nearly chokes he laughed so hard

Edward sulks in the corner

After a few weeks you both get a bit restless only seeing each other during lunch but are to nervous to ask the other to hang out another time

You work up the courage to ask him to hang out outside of school tomorrow- randomly ambushing him the parking lot

“Yes!” He answers a tad to quickly, “Er, I mean that would be cool.”

Dude is absolutely pumped

Both of you realize you forgot one main part- planning what you wanted to do.

He clears his throat awkwardly “Well, If you want, you could come over to my house.”

You curse internally as you feel an unwanted blush spread across your face “Yeah, sure.”

Drives you to his house, showing you his favorite music on the way.

Has to fight back a laugh when you point out he didn’t buckle up

“Uh, can you wait here for a second?” He asks when you pull up to the house.

“Sure..”

He rushes inside and warns everyone you were here

Alice already saw it coming, everyone is on there best behavior making food for you

“Just play it cool.” He warns everyone before rushing back out to you.

“Everything alright?”

“Yup.” He answers smirking

You’re surprised when you walk in and everyone is staring at you.

“Uh... I hope it’s okay I came over.”

“Of course it is! A friend of Emmett’s is a friend of ours!” Esme beams, finally getting a look at this boy that had her son practically giddy

Emmett tugs you further into the house almost immediately, partially because he didn’t want you to feel ganged up on and also because he finally got to have some alone time with you

You end up playing a lot of video games- you lose your mind when Emmett plays Guitar Hero’s hardest level perfectly- Super speed really came in handy during gaming.

Esme and Carlisle show up in the middle of your gaming sesh with a snack for you

You gratefully accept it but insist they really didn’t have to

They insist it was there pleasure 

They leave the two of you alone, they both are already consider you family

You eat while commenting on Emmett’s game play, nearly choking when he dies and throws the remotes across the room.

That day forward the awkwardness is basically gone

Bro Emmett

Protective Emmett

Playful Emmett

Emmett that throws you over his shoulder and run books it down the halls

Emmett that challenges you to fights despite the fact he towers over you and is all muscle

You can tell he let’s you win- although he does absolutely “pummel” you

He never actually hurts you- although you have hurt yourself a few time attempting to sneak attack him

He didn’t even flinch and you fell flat on your face

You still to this day have yet to live that down

You’re basically already dating without it being official

You go out constantly- you take a small chance and joke it’s almost like your dating

You keep your eyes  straight forward expecting some “Ew gross no homo” response

When it comes you spare a single glance and see him with a big grin spread across his face

That was when it clicked your feelings might be mutual

He already knew how you felt due to bugging Jasper

but that was when he knew it was time to ask you out

“Hey, Y/N?”

“Ya?”

“Do you want to go out?”

“Like..... a date?”

“Yup.”

Remain calm- remain caLM

“Yes!”

You both quietly sit there for a moment absolutely loosing your minds

“Awesome.” He smiles wrapping an arm around you and pulling you closer

“Hey Emmett?”

“What’s up Y/N?”

“I didn’t know you were into men.”

“Neither did I until you came along.”

Once you two started dating it was like a damn burst and all he wanted to do was be near you.

The feeling was mutual

Movie and Arcade dates are some of your favorites

You’ve made out in school, at your house, in the forest, in movies, almost everywhere

Almost always has a hand somewhere on you- mainly your thigh

He also adores taking you hiking, If you get tired he just picks you up and keeps on going

He’s a lovable bro

and a lovable teddy bear

If your parents were homophobic Emmett is alright with pretending to just be one of ‘the boys’ until your ready

When you are ready, he’s on his absolute best behavior. He knows he won’t be able to suddenly make them no homophobic but god damn he’s not going to give them a reason to hate him

If they treat you badly at home because of it you suddenly are spending most of your nights at the Cullen residence

Even Rosalie starts to live you

Emmett has no quarrel with revealing there secret to you

You’re doing your homework in Emmett’s room when he suddenly emerges, giving you a pat on the back and straight up telling you.

“It’s about time you know. Y/N my family and I are vampires.”

“....?”

Convinced it’s some weird joke

“Halloweens not for months... and April first was months ago... I don’t get it.”

He just laughs, sitting on the small futon couch next to you and tells you he’s telling the truth

You just let out a nervous laugh when you realize he’s serious

“Emmett are you feeling okay?”

“Yes? Why- I’m not crazy Y/N. Here let me show you.”

Takes you by the hand and leads you outside, past his nervous looking family who you cast confused looks at

He takes you out back, lets go of your hand, and then jump nearly 30 feet in the air and lands on a tree

“what the fuck” you whisper, watching your apparently not human boyfriend look down and laugh at you.

When he jumps down and lands next to you, your almost the one jumping 30 feet in the air

“You all right.”

“UHM!” You motion to the tree and back to him a few times, pure shock clouding your mind

“HOW?! WHEN?! WHY?!” You nearly yell

“I was attacked by a bear and Rosalie saved me in 1935.”

“A BEAR?!?- wait your almost a hundred?”

Big smile and a nod is the only response you get

This goes on for almost 20 minutes before you sigh and mumble “well ok then?” and head back inside

The rest of the cullens got a front row seat to the whole thing and considering the circumstance you’re handling it well

You’re relationship ends up being pretty much the same except you force him to watch Dracula and interview with the vampire, along with other vampire movies a lot.

You buy a vampire romance novel for “Research”

With the big secret out Emmett finally feels ready to talk about going a bit further in your physical relationship

You wait until your parents are away on a trip so you’re away from certain immortal with heightened hearing

Edward and Jasper give him side eyes as he leaves the house

Your heart is beating almost a mile a minute when you hear a knock at the door

You invite him in and in a matter of minutes things are picking up speed

You have both been repressed for so long it’s no surprise

You fall asleep on his chest afterwards- of course after the two out you chatted a bit

He spends the night breathing in your scent, stroking your hair, caressing your cheek- such soft touches for someone so inhumanly strong

When you wake up and the memories all come flooding back and your cheeks burn hot and your heartbeat steadily increases, you shine and bury your head in his chest when he starts laughing at how easily flustered you are

Flustered or not you both agree it will become a more regular activity

Emmett is so damn proud when you graduate, if he could cry he probably would’ve

Carries you out on his shoulders chanting some ridiculous rhyme he made up

You guys party all night

Will deny it to Carlisle but he definitely got you a little tipsy

Months later some nomad vampires start wreaking havoc for the cullens

When they threaten you Emmett goes major protection mode

Only leaves your side to eat when absolutely necessary 

He can tell it’s taking a toll on you and everything else

That’s when he suggest’s turning you for your protection

Besides Rosalie everyone agrees 

Carlisle tries his best to make it a pain less process

although nothing could truly stop the mind numbing burning sensation that consumed you for days until it suddenly all went black

When you woke up, everything was heightened, you’re hearing, your smell, your taste, you’re sight, everything was so intense.

You went to stand but got thrown off by your force and speed

Two strong arms held you steady

“Emmett?”

“ehm, yes.”

“That sucked.”

Earned you a small chuckle from him

He insists on teaching you everything, hunting, fighting, acting, how to go crazy but not to crazy

He show’s you how intense everything is now

And by everything I mean everything

You two became a force to be reckoned with

Those Nomad’s stood no chance

No matter where you guys were you were a power couple

The Strongest and gayest power couple to ever walk the earth

And it was going to stay that way for a long time

[lady-grace-pens]

Wip Excerpt: HTKAG

In light of this wip hitting another 10k word goal recently (currently sitting pretty at a whopping 120k/150k 😅), another excerpt is due! This babe I wrote today, buut I actually loved it so much I knew I had to share it with y'all right away. That all being said, let's stop wasting time and get straight into it!

Our scene begins with Allister entering a restaurant to have dinner with Mikko, Fingal, and Perci, but Perci is late.

—

Upon telling the hostess Fingal’s name, she leads me away to the right half of the room. Off in a booth stowed away in the corner sit Mikko and Fingal jabbering away mid-conversation. Once they notice me, they stop and smile.

“Hey! There’s the man of the hour,” Mikko exclaims, throwing his hands in the air.

“Not late, am I?” I grin, taking a seat beside him.

“Nope. Right on time to get some drinks,” Mikko starts smouldering at our hostess.

“With what money?” Fingal retorts with a glare.

Mikko blinks, struggling to come up with a defense. It seems he mustn't have anticipated Fingal to interrupt his attempt at flirting…

“Wha - With our money, of course,” he laughs, trying his best to make a smooth recovery.

“Aye. Which is why we’re not using my money to buy alcohol while a minor is here.”

Mikko doesn’t reply. Then again I suppose he doesn't need to, his confusion is written all over his face.

“Don’t tell me you forgot about Perci. He’ll be here any minute.”

“Oh! Fuck, that’s right. Him. Well obviously he won’t be getting any. And come on! You know how fast I can down a beer Fin! It’ll just be a few. Just a few rounds! Don’t be an ass.”

“Watch yourself Mikko, it's not polite to use such language in the presence of a lady.” I chime in, giving the hostess a polite smile.

“Oh I’ll show you what’s not polite-” Mikko says before slapping my head.

I try to hit him back, but he catches my hand before I can. Before we know it, we’re caught in a ridiculous slapping fight, both laughing our asses off.

“Not in a restaurant, not in a restaurant!” I speak through gasps, trying to end things.

Mikko obliges, tossing his hands back in his lap.

“A waiter will be right with you,” the hostess makes a case to look at each one of us except for Mikko before finishing her sentence, “... gentleman.”

Much to my surprise, Mikko doesn’t seem to be affected by that backhanded insult. Instead he kicks his knees up against the table and rests his head back, totally listless.

“Mikko, I would’ve thought you’d be more offended by that.”

“Huh? Why would I be offended at something when it’s true?”

“I’ll say. You and Al couldn’t be any more opposite. If there’s anything larger than the truth, the fact that you’re not a gentleman is way beyond it.”

“Exactly. And Mikko, you are aware of the fact that she was just a hostess, right? It isn’t even her job to serve us drinks.”

“I... “ Mikko laughs before leaning over the table again. “Listen. You two just don’t get it, do you? No. You don’t. Allow me to be the one who graces your palettes here, eh? Let me tell you what I’m gonna do. Okay? I’m gonna give you a tip. A piece of advice that will change your lives forever. All for free! You don’t even have to pay me. All you gotta do is listen. Got it? You both ready?”

Fingal and I share a look. I can tell we’re thinking along a similar vein of confused intrigue. We should most likely stop Mikko here, as whatever will come out his mouth won’t be anything good. However, we’re both too stunned to stop him, so…

Mikko beckons us to lean closer to him. Fin and I oblige. We’re almost touching heads when at last our dear mentor speaks once again, in a hushed voice. “It’s not about what you say. It’s about how you say it.”

…

There are no words. For about a minute straight Fingal and I are just staring at each other wearing the same expression that exudes two questions. ‘What the fuck? You’ve heard that too, haven’t you?’

Soon after that’s established and our shock subsides, we burst back to life. Fingal starts us off with, “Dammit Mikko. What the fuck? Where did you learn that? Who taught you that?”

“Some guys from the bar! Why, what’s wrong with it?”

“Which guys from the bar?”

“I don’t see how it-”

“Mikko. Which guys from the bar taught you this?” Fingal insists, a flash of anger showing in his eyes.

Mikko seems to notice this, and complies straight away. “Leo, John, Peter and Paul!”

Fingal buries his head in his hands. This sparks my curiosity. I haven’t heard these names before, but Fin clearly has.

“I can’t say I’m familiar with them, who might they be?”

“Bar friends-” Mikko starts, only for Fingal to finish for him.

“Jokesters. Jerks. Cheapskates always looking for a laugh. Assholes. Can’t wait to give them a piece of my mind.”

Mikko shrinks away from Fin. His head is turned away from me, but I don’t need to see it in order to know how stunned he is. It’s expressed flawlessly through the abnormal quietness of his voice. “Fin? What’s up, why’d you-”

“Because those dicks have been filling your head with shit like this every damn time I turned my back, Mikko! Dammit, this - this is why you always get rejected! Universe, I just wish you would’ve checked with me first about things like this. Not some strangers you barely even know, yet idolize them anyway.

You wanna know how you get a girl Mikko? Huh? You be nice. You be nice to them, you talk with them, and you listen. Compliments and flirting, all that helps, of course, but not forever! And you sure as hell can’t build a relationship strictly off of it. Okay? Standards and expectations vary from girl to girl, but with each and every single one there are a few things that you just have to do. Be nice, have respect, help them just for the sake of helping them! Don’t expect anything in return. Overall just - just be a decent fucking human being. That is how you get a girl.”

Mikko sits there, staring at his brother. I can’t help but do the same. In every respect, Fingal is right. Of course he is. It’s just… rare that we see him so worked up. I can hardly believe my eyes. I can hardly believe my ears, I… I can’t imagine how Mikko must be feeling.

Oh so gradually his head sinks down into his lap. He slumps over, and I swear I can see fractions of tears reflect the golden light radiating above us.

“Can’t believe I’m actually telling you this when you’re eighteen. Fucking eighteen,” Fingal scoffs, crossing his arms.

“I’m sorry-”

“Don’t be. I’m not mad at you. This is my own fault, I blame myself.”

“Aw, come on man! That’s even worse,” pouts Mikko.

Fingal then turns to me with an abruptness that makes me jump. “Al, what’s up? You’ve been quiet for a while. You can back me up on this, can’t you?”

“I…” I force a chuckle to try and lighten the air some. “I don’t think that I’m currently in a position to give advice like this, to be honest with you.”

Fingal leans his elbows on the table, holding his head with one hand. “Why? Something happen with Maddie?”

“Oh, did it ever,” I shake my head.

—

Aand that's all you guys get for spoiler reasons! Lmao

(also because that's all I've written today but shhhh don't tell anyone)

Buut yeah. Legit I swear I didn't mean to go so hard on feminist Fingal 😂 I mean don't get me wrong here, he's absolutely right and I'm keeping it in. But still, the words just kept on coming and coming and we ended up with this

so

y'know

yeah

writing is super fun sometimes

Plus tbh, writing the part where Mikko is stroking his ego and whispers his ‘top secret trick to get women’, I was literally laughing out loud 😂 like he's just so wrong, and I love how horribly Mikko fails in life. It's just super funny to me, I enjoy it a lot.

Fingal, however, clearly does not enjoy it, lmao. Legit I had no clue he could be so protective until today! Especially over Mikko. I mean I always knew their dynamics, but today… it really hit home for me.

Go back and look at the line of dialogue Fingal says right after Mikko apologizes (a rare occurrence, actually).

It’s just one little piece of dialogue, barely a few sentences! Yet I feel like it hits you. You know? It reveals so much about his and Mikko’s vibes, their situation. A pair of brothers poor and orphaned by their birth parents and raised by their grandmother, who is only growing older and weaker each year. Fingal, the eldest, having to take responsibility often. He feels pressured to raise his little bro, and feels like he's failed when Mikko turns out to be the way he is. Ya know? It's just one little thing of dialogue but I feel like it makes you feel the pressure Fin has to bear in a situation like theirs. Even if it’s only for a moment.

And Mikko! While he does incite a lot of the comic relief in HTKAG, I wouldn’t call him a strict comic relief character because that's never what I had in mind while writing him. He and Fin actually play a vital role in the plot of the story! Much more than what I can currently reveal to y'all.

Buut anyways, I'll stop rambling now. I really hope you guys enjoyed this little excerpt just as much as I adored writing it :)

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