#oh god the dishwasher quote

[aleskie-hischier]

Invisible String NICO x FIGURE SKATER SMAU SUMMARY: Mila manifested this relationship. She did. The fans have proof. Ice to Meet You Masterlist

Word Count: 1.1k Warnings: one swear word, mentions of getting drunk and cigarettes

"a string that pulled me out of all the wrong arms right into that dive bar something wrapped all of my past mistakes in barbed wire chains around my demons, wool to brave the seasons one single thread of gold tied me to you"

“Schatz, have you seen this?” Nico leans over the back of the couch, phone in hand, eyes sparkling with amusement. “Apparently, you manifested me.”

Mila glances over, placing the last plate into the dishwasher with a soft clink. His smile is cheeky. Full of mischief. 

“What do you mean, ‘manifested’ you?” she asks, wiping her hands on a towel before walking over to him. She saddles up next to him, her eyes narrowing playfully as they flit over to the Twitter thread he has open. “Since when do you even use Twitter?”

“Since Jack sent me this thread,” Nico says, draping an arm over her shoulder and pulling her closer so they both face the screen. “Look, they even have video evidence.”

Mila scrunches her nose, her stomach twisting. Oh god, what was she about to witness? Nico scrolls down to the first post. The text on the tweet makes her groan, a wave of recognition hitting her as she reads:

“CASE ONE: 2014 OLYMPICS WHEN SHE DID THAT RAPID QUESTION INTERVIEW”

The memory rushes back—she’d just finished her program and ran into an interviewer. The cameras were flashing, her exhaustion making her blurt out answers without much thought. 

“Oh god, I remember this.”

Nico nudges her, laughing softly. “This was ten years ago, how do you remember?”

Mila buries her face into his shoulder, groaning. “They really found that?”

Nico chuckles softly, but she can’t help but look at the screen. She’s much younger in the video where she’s talking to the reporter. Fifteen years old, younger, a bit more carefree. Just a girl who was happy to be there. The video plays quietly in the backgound, but she doesn't need to watch it to know exactly what she said.

“They did. Thirteen’s your favorite number huh? And you want to get into hockey? And visit Switzerland?” He raises an eyebrow, grinning. “Sound familiar?”

She looks up at him, half laughing, half mortified. “That doesn’t prove I manifested you.”

Nico chuckles, kissing her forehead. “No, but it’s a pretty good start.” 

Nico scrolls again and reads the next post out loud:

“CASE TWO: 2018 OLYMPICS WHEN SHE GOT ASKED WHAT HER IDEAL TYPE IN A MAN IS.”

This one doesn’t ring a bell. Then again, she’d pretty much blocked out that entire Olympic run from her memory. All she remembers is getting drunk in her hotel room after leaving the village and chain-smoking four cigarettes in a row. Not her finest moment, that’s for sure.

“Play the video.”

Nico glances at her, brows furrowed with concern. “Are you sure?”

“I wanna know what I said.”

“They’ve got the quote right there,” he offers, scrolling slightly to show it below.

“I wanna hear how I sounded.” She flashes him a pout she knows he can't resist. "Please?"

He chuckles, relenting. “Okay, you win.”

The video starts. It catches her off guard—she’s laughing. She doesn’t remember that. She was certain nothing could have made her laugh back then. Not after what happened. But there she is, laughing, carefree, even letting out a snort. The sound makes her smile despite herself, something about it tender, something she wants to keep. She files it deep in her memory, a fragment worth holding onto. Proof that maybe not everything was bad that year, that there were good moments too.

It helps that Nico is laughing too, eyes wide with amusement, his whole chest vibrating with laughter. He’s so not letting her forget this.

When the video ends, he looks at her with a mischievous grin. “So,” he begins, counting on his fingers, “Tall? Check. Teddy bear? Check. Gives great hugs? Definitely. And,” he raises an eyebrow, lips pulled into a small smirk, “you’ve always had a thing for authority figures, haven’t you?”

She rolls her eyes and playfully slaps his chest. “You’re forgetting the part where I said I wanted someone who looks like they’ve been through the most horrendous shit ever,” she smirks.

He leans back, pretending to be offended. “Well, I don’t.”

Mila chuckles, pulling him closer. She presses a soft kiss between his furrowed brows. “Oh, honey, your eyebrows are more expressive than you think.”

Nico laughs, shaking his head as he scrolls down to the next post. Mila reads the text:

“CASE THREE: 2020 USA NATIONALS WHEN SOMEONE ASKED HER ABOUT HER PERFECT MEET-CUTE.”

“You know,” she glances up at him, “Now that I think about it, this was almost exactly a year before we met.”

A fond smile tugs at her lips as the memory of their first meeting floods back. She can almost feel herself there again—bored out of her mind in that dimly lit bar in New Jersey.

Nico rests his cheek on the top of her head. “Why ‘almost’?”

“This interview was in January. We met in February.” She grins. “But the days match up.”

He hums thoughtfully, his fingers still idly scrolling. “Close enough.”

With a small chuckle, he hits play on the video, and they both lean in, listening intently. Mila’s voice fills the room, she's not that much younger but she talks with a confidence she barely remembers, describing her version of a perfect meet-cute.

As she watches, she can’t help but glance at Nico, admiring the way he’s so focused on the video. It’s funny how things turned out, meeting in a way neither of them could have written.

Mila feels his gaze lingering on her. “What?”

“You predicted everything,” Nico says with a smile. “We met at a bar, we clicked, and you found out I liked the ice just as much as you did.”

He pulls her in for a kiss, short and sweet, more of a peck, but the warmth of it lingers. “And now, here we are.”

“Huh,” she tilts her head, smiling softly. “I guess I did.”

They share a quiet chuckle, and Nico pulls her in for another kiss, this one lingering a bit longer. Maybe they really were meant to be. She’d never believed in soulmates, never thought there was someone like that for her. But there she was, cuddled up next to him.

“Now all I need to do is propose to you in the mountains and give you the wedding of your dreams,” he says playfully, "Do you think the Swiss Alps would work for a nice mountain proposal?"

She smiles up at him, her mind wandering as she pictures it—maybe on a hike, the two of them reaching the peak, and just as she turns around, there he is, down on one knee, holding a dainty little ringbox in his large hands. The thought makes her heart race.

Resting her head on his chest, she chuckles. “If we actually end up having two boys and a girl, I’ve chosen the wrong career. Clearly, I should’ve been a psychic.”

Nico laughs for what feels like the millionth time that night. It’s deep and hearty, and she thinks it’s the most beautiful thing she’s ever heard. 

What a life. What a life. What a life.

[louthestarspeaker]

Could you do 5C for my OC, Jason Cunningham, from The White Winds?

Jason is a student at Wharton Academy and is part of Alan Tracy's and Fermat Hackenbacker's posse there. He's lanky, with short-cropped red hair, brown eyes, and a crap ton of freckles on his pale face. His parents are with the World Health Organization (IIRC) and are usually overseas. His grandfather has power of attorney and custody while his parents are away.

The reason I asked for 5C is the scenes where Jason is being teased by Sable de la Croix, a dishwasher assistant in Wharton's cafeteria. Her usual question is "How's it hanging, Red?" and Jason has no idea how to respond!

A quote:

Jason's stricken face first drained of color, then flushed redder than before. He shook his head once and fled from the tray return as quickly as he could without running. Joining his friends in the lobby, he pressed a hand to his face, sliding it down his cheek, and moaning, "Oh, God. Why does she pick on me?"

"Because you blush so prettily?" Kay offered, grinning.

"Because you get this deer-in-headlights look?" Alan commented, holding back a laugh with difficulty.

"Because your mouth moves like a fish's?" A.J. demonstrated what he meant by pursing his lips into a tight "O" and rapidly opening and closing them.

"Oh, God. Do I really do all that?" Jason moaned again, covering his face with both hands and shaking his head.

So, could you do him? Thanks so much for offering!

It's taken suuuuuuper long for me to get to this so thank you so much for your patience!!

Jason was so much fun to draw, and I was immediately stricken by how much personality he has! Plus I love a character who's Alan friend <333

I dressed him in my own take on the Wharton uniform and recreated that little scene with Sable :D Hope you like it!

[patheticlittlemen]

ALL ABOUT ME

[Kurt Kunkle x female reader]

Chapter 2- Are You Bored Yet?

Words: 2111

Warnings: Little bit NSFW, non-graphic sex scene

A/N: There’s some messaging included so here’s a guide for future reference (your username is doodlesgalore)

(username): Youtube

(username)> instagram

(Name): text

Rick is still sleeping peacefully by the time you wake. You get up and decide to make breakfast, quietly walking into the kitchen. You put in your headphones and start pulling out ingredients to make omelets. Normally you would play a podcast, but you’re caught up on all your favorites. Scrolling through youtube, you see a notification.

KurtsWorld- Trying boba for the first time!

You’re absolutely intrigued. Clicking on the video, you see that it was posted just an hour ago and there were 2 views. After the ads play, you set your phone up and start preparing ingredients.

The video starts with Kurt walking down the street. It’s a bit windy so you have a hard time hearing what he’s saying but luckily he goes into a building and you can hear him.

“So today I’m at the new boba shop that just opened up in Azusa! Join me while I try it for the first time!”

You can’t help but smile. He doesn’t have great camera presence but he sure is excited. You go to the fridge and hear a lot of rustling from the video. After grabbing what you need, you go back to the video and replay what you missed. You hear him repeat the end of the sentence and he puts the camera in his pocket. The video continues like that for about 15 seconds and finally jumps to the next clip.

You’re holding back laughter at this point. Does he have an editor? Does he even know how to edit? The video continues with him zooming in on the menu, then cuts to a shot of him ordering that is angled below his chin. After the cashier takes his order, he looks down at the camera and gives an excited smile.

Oh my god, this is your new favorite person ever. Something about his awkwardness is so endearing. You’re starting to tear up from holding back laughter when Rick leaves the bedroom.

“Hey babe,” he calls from the hallway.

“Hey, honey. I’m making food for us,” you say, turning your phone off and pouring the eggs onto the pan. Rick walks up behind you and plants a kiss on your neck, humming when he sees what you’re making.

“You make the best omelets,” he says, kissing your head as he heads to the bathroom to take a shower.

You finish making the omelets, putting them on plates and bringing them to the table. You sit down to eat and call Rick to the table. For some reason you can’t get Kurt out of your mind. He was just so… silly. In a really cute way.

Rick sits down and starts devouring his food. The way he eats really grosses you out but you just try to ignore it. You take bites of your food, praising yourself for making it so well. By the time you’re halfway done with yours, Rick already washed his plate off and put it in the dishwasher.

“Hey babe,” you say. “Do you know the guy who used to babysit Bobby? Kurt?”

“Ah yeah, Kurt Kunkle,” he scoffs at the name. “Bobby says he’s a fucking weirdo.”

You’re a bit taken aback by the comment.

“Well, I just wanted to say he has a youtube channel. I think it’s really funny.” Rick laughs at that.

“Oh, I’ve seen it. The dude is such a fucking loser, he’s seriously trying so hard to go ‘viral’.” Rick says, using air quotes around the last word.

“I mean he’s just doing something he enjoys. Who cares if he’s good at it?” You try to defend Kurt despite knowing arguing would go nowhere with Rick. He rolls his eyes and walks back to his bedroom. You feel a bit hurt, even though you know it doesn’t have to do with you. You finish the omelet and start the dishwasher, walking to the bedroom.

Rick is on his phone, laughing at whatever is on the screen. He looks up to see you and sets it down.

“Bobby’s coming over. We’re probably gonna be playing video games, so if it’s too loud you can just head out.”

The last sentence really frustrated you. While you did often get overwhelmed with the noise and just left, he made it sound like he was giving you permission to leave. You were too tired to say anything and just started getting ready for the day, already expecting to leave. Rick’s eyes were glued onto you as you took your shirt off, watching you find a bra to put on.

“God you’re so hot,” he says, wrapping his arms around you from behind. Normally you love when he does that, but it just feels wrong this time. He starts kissing down your neck and you try to push him away.

“Isn’t Bobby coming over?” you insist.

“It won’t be for a little while, it’s fine,” he says, pulling your hair to the side so he can kiss further down your shoulder. It was really easy to turn you on, which Rick knew and loved. The strange feeling was really nagging at you but you know the horniness won’t go away quickly unless dealt with.

Before you could even respond, Rick gently bit down on your neck, eliciting a gasp from you. He laughed against your neck and turned you around, kissing you deeply. You had started to dissociate every time you had sex with Rick a while ago and never cared to change that. The whole process was so repetitive, you knew exactly what to do and say to make Rick happy and could do it on autopilot.

The whole time you’re going through the familiar motions, Kurt is on your mind. Not in a sexual way, just that you are enamored by him. The only time you’re pulled from your thoughts is when you cum. It never really feels that good but you know how uncomfortable it gets being aroused all day. Luckily Rick finishes not long after and you give him a quick kiss as you go to the bathroom.

The indifference to sex always brings the question of your relationship with Rick to your mind. You know why you don’t leave but it hurts to think about. You met Rick after you moved to Azusa to be closer to family and didn’t know a lot of people. Not many people showed interest in you before so Rick quickly had you wrapped around his finger. Rick isn’t a bad person. You’re just bored of being with him. The only ray of hope recently had been the party where you met Kurt.

Heading back to the bedroom, you see Rick making the bed. You smile at him and kiss his cheek as you head to get dressed. For a moment, the thought of leaving him runs through your mind but you brush it off as you put clothes on and head to the living room, where you hear a knock on the door.

Opening the door, you’re greeted by Bobby. You smile at him politely as he gives a nod of greeting. You step to the side and he makes his way to the bedroom as you shut the door. Already, there is a lot of noise coming from the bedroom. You want to stick it out and stay as long as it is tolerable so you put in your headphones and continue Kurt’s video.

It continues where you left off, with Kurt ordering at the boba shop. There are a few clips of him getting his order and finding a seat outside, where luckily the wind has calmed down. He sets the camera down to face him and it falls a couple of times in the process, once again adding to the thought that he doesn’t know how to edit.

“Alright, I’m not quite sure how this works…” He says, looking at the straw and then the top of the cup. He looks back and forth at them with a confused look on his face.

“Sorry guys, I’ve never done this before. Let me…” His voice trails off as he taps the lid of the boba with the sharp end of the straw. He does it a couple more times, flinching every time it connects. Finally, he manages to puncture the lid and looks so proud of himself. You cheer internally as he brings the straw to his mouth and immediately chokes on a tapioca pearl. You can’t hold it back after that and laugh as he coughs and tries to process what just happened. At the same time, you see Bobby walk out of the bedroom. He scoffs as he passes by.

“Is that Kurt?” He says condescendingly as you pause the video.

“Oh, yeah. I met him at your party last night.”

“He’s fucking crazy. Seems to think we’re best friends just because he babysat me when I was a fucking kid. Swear to god he’s gonna kill someone someday.” Bobby says, genuinely sounding upset.

“Oh.” You say, not knowing how to even respond. “Uh, good to know I guess.”

“Hey, I’m taking the last two Sprites,” Bobby calls from the kitchen.

“That’s fine, I need to go shopping anyway.”

“Sweet,” Bobby says, heading back to the bedroom. You watch him walk away and hit play on the video. Despite everything Rick and Bobby said, you’re still fascinated by Kurt.

After he coughs a bit, Kurt manages to catch his breath and looks at the camera.

“So first impression is to, uh, not…suck that hard.” His eyes flicker to the camera as if he realizes that phrase sounds weird but he doesn’t acknowledge it. He takes another drink and manages to get a good sip without choking. He chews on the boba thoughtfully and raises his eyebrows in approval. He hums before he swallows and speaks again.

“That’s really good. So yeah guys, if you want a good drink, come down to Boba Beast in Azusa.” He gives the camera a thumbs-up and smiles, slightly cocking his head to the side. The video cuts to one more clip of Kurt walking up to a traffic pole, placing on it a yellow sticker of a very crudely drawn planet with a face and “Kurt’s World” written above.

You immediately go to like the video. You decide to leave a comment, trying to think of something to say.

doodlesgalore: Great review, laughed so hard when you choked. I’ll def be going there soon

The frustrated yelling of Rick and Bobby makes you jump. You try to ignore it and decide to check Instagram. You scroll through posts of people you haven’t seen since high school, feeling more pathetic after each happy photo shown on your feed. A notification pops up on your phone from youtube saying that Kurt responded to your comment. You go to click on it but stop after getting an idea. You tap on the search bar on Instagram, looking up “KurtsWorld96”. Your phone takes a minute to load but an account pops up with the same name and the yellow planet as the profile picture. You excitedly click on the account and hit follow.

Scrolling through the feed, you see reposts of clips from his videos and some outdated memes. After clicking on only a few posts, you get a notification that Kurt followed you back. Your heart rate picks up as you decide to message him.

doodlesgalore> Hey Kurt, it’s Y/N from the party last night

doodlesgalore> I saw the video you posted today :)

You swipe out of Instagram and look at the response Kurt gave on youtube.

KurtsWorld96: Awesome! I love giving fans recommendations 😊

You smile at the emoji and see that Kurt responded to your message. Does he have nothing better to do right now? You brush it off as him being dedicated to his online presence and click on his DM.

kurtsworld96> Hey Y/N! Did you like the video??

doodlesgalore> I loved it !! I was the one who left a comment btw

kurtsworld96> Thank you for your support 😌

You close the app and turn off your phone for a second, painfully aware of the increasing noise coming from the bedroom. You roll your eyes while grabbing your shoes and a tote bag, deciding to go to the boba place Kurt mentioned.

Hesitantly walking towards the bedroom, you poke your head in to say goodbye to Rick. He and Bobby are engrossed in their game, yelling at each other and the screen. You assume Rick won’t hear or acknowledge your departure so you just leave without saying anything as the strange feeling from before gnaws at your insides.

[dadoodler25]

I posted 41 times in 2022

That's 41 more posts than 2021!

7 posts created (17%)

34 posts reblogged (83%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@uniquesheepcowboy

@incorrectpokechampionquotes

@semislutera

@teruterusky

I tagged 11 of my posts in 2022

#pokemon incorrect quotes - 4 posts

#pokemon - 3 posts

#may - 2 posts

#pokemon adventures - 2 posts

#source: icarly - 2 posts

#ash ketchum - 2 posts

#burgh - 2 posts

#dawn - 2 posts

#wooper i would kill people for you - 1 post

#dishwashers go there - 1 post

Longest Tag: 47 characters

#but i'm too socially inept and not funny enough

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

What's your favourite part of winter?

Mine is kinda dumb lol

U know how when it's cold outside and when you breath out you see mist come out from it? Yeah, that's it, that's my favourite

4 notes - Posted December 2, 2022

#4

OH MY GOD SHINY DRATINI

I JUST HATCHED IT I WASN'T EVEN TRYING TO SHINY HUNT

4 notes - Posted October 25, 2022

#3

Pokemon ICarly Incorrect Quotes Part 2

May: Hey, Burgh.

Ash: Hi.

Burgh: Whoa, I almost didn’t recognize you guys not sitting on my couch.

------------------

May: Heyyyy, Tierno, wanna be on IDawn?

Tierno: Totally, what do I gotta do?

May: I’ll show ya! (May pushes Tierno to the ground, grabs his foot and tries to put it in his mouth.)

May and Tierno: (Grunts and yells as they scuffle)

Dawn: She’s not like most girls.

Ash: No.

-------------------

Burgh: You... are grounded... for till college.

Dawn: For till college?!

Burgh: FOR TILL COLLEGE!

--------------------

Burgh: You bought a taco?

May: Yes?

Burgh: From the truck that hit Ash.

May: Well, me starving’s not gonna help him!

--------------------

Dawn: Burgh?

Burgh: I’m up here! Just working on my latest masterpiece!

Dawn: From the ceiling?

Burgh: Yep!

Dawn: You know, if most kids got home and found their older brother hanging from the ceiling, it’d be weird.

Burgh: You’re saying I’m not normal.

8 notes - Posted June 8, 2022

#2

Pokemon Incorrect Quotes From ICarly

Ash: Wow, this is amazing!

May: *Gasp* Someone finally friended you?

(May walks away, and Ash menacingly stares at a knife as he picks it up.)

Ash: Control, Ash. Bad thoughts lead to bad actions.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(Burgh and Dawn keep hitting a metal box with a hammer.)

Burgh: WAIT!

Dawn: What?

Burgh: It’s perfect now, don’t hit it again.

Dawn: Am I ungrounded, and can I hang out with Paul?

Burgh: No you may not, no you cannot (Dawn lifts the hammer again.) AGH!

(Dawn hits the metal box, and throws the hammer to the side.)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Burgh: (Kicks Paul out) YOU’LL CALL NO-ONE, EVER! (Walks back in, and grabs a bagel)

Dawn: W-what are you doing? (Burgh throws a bagel at Paul hard)

Paul: OW!

Burgh: YEAH!

8 notes - Posted June 6, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

PokeSpe Characters as B99 Quotes

Ruby: How was I supposed to know their would be consequences for my actions?

----------

Sapphire: What kind of woman doesn’t have an axe?

-----------

Black: Mark the day, White. May 18th, at 4pm. White: Oh, honey, we’re well into October. Black: Really?

------------

Blake: Anyone over the age of 6 celebrating a birthday should go straight to hell.

-------------

(Black in hospital bed) I wasn’t that badly injured. Nurse Joy said all the bleeding was internal. That’s where the blood’s supposed to be!

-------------

Diamond: Diamond loves yogurt.

--------------

Diamond: So, how long have you been planning this. A week? A month? Or is this the only reason you became my friend just to begin with? Pearl: You think I became your friend just to steal your pie? Diamond: Your words, not mine.

Diamond: No, Crystal, don’t tell me why you did it. Tell her. Crystal: You want me to talk to this picture of Platinum? Diamond: Look her in the eyes, and tell her what you did. Crystal: I didn’t do it, Platinum. Diamond: Don’t you say her name!

Diamond: No, Wake, I’m not mad at you, I’m sure you didn’t mean to do it, you just got hungry, and that’s the most natural thing in the world. Wake: I didn’t eat your pie. Diamond: You’re LYING!

-----------------

Norman: You must be Platinum. Platinum: *Decides to mess with him* No, I’m Dawn. Who’s Platinum? Is Sapphire cheating on me? Norman: *Shock* Oh... my... Platinum: No no no, I’m joking, I’m sorry, I thought it’d be funny, I am Platinum. Norman: Oh, that was actually funny. I didn’t know what was happening, but then I thought I knew what was happening, but what I thought I knew what was happening wasn’t what was happening.

17 notes - Posted July 8, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[simping-on-the-daily]

I posted 17,786 times in 2021

582 posts created (3%)

17204 posts reblogged (97%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 29.6 posts.

I added 1,028 tags in 2021

#dream smp - 204 posts

#mcyt - 204 posts

#simper says stuff - 172 posts

#sander sides - 98 posts

#sanders sides - 97 posts

#source: ??? - 64 posts

#shitpost - 56 posts

#hamilton - 45 posts

#hamilton musical - 45 posts

#hamilton the musical - 43 posts

Longest Tag: 136 characters

#i'm gonna be excited if we get a shitty female villain who has done really shitty things that can't be sympathized for like with the men

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

I wanted do to more God!Reader but with Mumza being a death goddess alongside Reader

Mumza mostly goes around handling Limbo and chatting with the dead residences, making their monochrome days a little bit brighter, her smile so big despite the occupation

God!Reader spends time collecting souls and managing the Three Lives system, taking the souls to limbo for Mumza to handle. Possibly writing down resurrection books ages ago or even currently, with them landing in the hands of drunken rams and green hoodies.

And I could go with angst, but God!Reader has always been a chaotic gremlin so we'll keep going with that with some angst because d i e

Reader and Mumza meeting up everyday to discuss what the SMP's dead residents have been up too. Reader ignoring their own rules of death that they created because 'hey that Wilbur guy seemed pretty chill why don't I revive him' or 'hey that Soot guy looked pretty cool alright Dream you can revive him', commenting on how many first lives were lost in the Final Control room ('seriously stop getting stabbed guys I hate working'), and seeing the symbolism as L'Manburg loses all three lives

Reader getting whiplash at the protector's mortal counterpart losing two lives within five minutes and having to handle the count, looking at the God of Death Totems being sacrificed in front of their mortal parent, meeting up with Mumza's lover and reminding him of his Hardcore life, reminding that Technoblade can die and possibly hinting that he will through their hands

Looking at Techno using a Totem of Undying at his execution and being like 'you escaped death pog', possibly declaring Foolish as their child due Reader possibly creating the Totems of Undying, seeing Mexican Dream die from a Creeper and being like 'seriously bro that was not a pro gamer move lol'

309 notes • Posted 2021-05-30 06:42:00 GMT

#4

i saw anons asks about a god!reader and i’m here to throw my hat into the ring

anons idea of god!reader telling Techno there’s a real blood god sounds so hilarious to me.

like i imagine Technoblade didn’t know there was a blood god so he’s freaking out and Reader’s like “i know! i’ll bring you to the blood god and you can battle for the title!”

reader just showing up the prison and handing quackity a copy of the revive book like “you guys don’t have a library on this server???? my parent read this to me when i was like a century old!”

when quackity tries to blow up the Egg reader’s just watching like “okay but what if there were MORE explosions” and just gives quackity a full inventory of TNT (by replacing all his shit with just TNT)

i believe in god!reader supremacy

Just asking Foolish to build this cool arena and Techno's just seeing this 30 ft dude. I can defo see the Reader learning about Greek Myths through him, and I can see Reader being like 'why are they fucking their siblings ew'

Reader coming after Doomsday so they don't know there used to be a library in L'manburg and when they say that Quackity might get a little snappy~ They see Quackity still enter the prison and are like 'I gave you what you wanted??? What???? Why are you still coming?????'

Them helping Quackity blow up the Egg because 'bombs are pog' and may or may not give Quackity his stuff back. Them seeing Punz and Bad and being like 'why do you not like bombs? Bombs are cool'. Reader is more powerful then the Egg, but they're on neither side,,,,,, No eggs only friends (and bombs)

320 notes • Posted 2021-05-25 06:01:08 GMT

#3

Janus: I was born for politics. I have great hair and I love lying.

372 notes • Posted 2021-03-15 06:35:54 GMT

#2

NGL, I’d pretty pissed to if someone murdered my best friend and then started singing about the dinosaurs.

412 notes • Posted 2021-03-15 06:15:35 GMT

#1

Janus: I know we don’t get along with each other, but I got you a bath bomb for your birthday. So, whenever you’re feeling stressed, just fill your bathtub with water and drop this in. I guarantee all your worries will be over.

Virgil: opens up the bag ....Deceit, this is a toaster.

826 notes • Posted 2021-01-02 00:04:57 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[jessilynallendilla]

Dylan Hollis baking quotes without context

“With the thoop?”

“You can’t hide from me! I wish you could...”

“911, what’s your emergency?” “Yeah, that lady, Carol, is at the barbeque again.”

“Sorry, I’m just trying to kill it.”

“At least it’s not moving.”

bang “...I think I summoned something.”

“I need nut instructions.”

“Oh, god, it’s bleeding.”

“I have birthed you!”

“You ever see a sewage pipe burst?”

“3, 2, 1, blast off! To the toilet.”

“I should have gone to church.”

“On this episode of Dead White People,”

“Who’s mooing now?!”

“I’ve baked a toilet.”

“Suppose it’s better than eating your offspring.”

“Do I call the police, or a priest?” beep  ��A priest.”

“I’m bleeding.”

“No eggs, no milk, no butter, no joy!”

“It’s a breast implant.”

“It already smells like death.”

“Was Mitchell a cat?”

“That’s the power of Pine-sol, baby!”

“This is what I’d imagine a toilet brush to taste like.”

"A little late in the century for war crimes.”

“I feel like if I do this correctly, I’m gonna invoke the spirit of Richard Nixon.”

“This ain’t food honey, this is a bioweapon!”

“How do you decorate a tumor?”

“It’s not bad, it’s just a cup of diabetes.”

“AH! Bean rebellion!”

“You know, it’s horrible now, but I hope it turns out okay. Like children.”

“Don’t ask me how it smells.”

“Before pumpkin pie become king, people ate this, now they’re dead.”

“Welcome to the world, it’s awful.”

“Who I can only describe as an infant male escort.”

“DEMON BABY!”

“Can a cake be tried for treason?”

“Either chocolate fixes everything or this is alchemy.”

“It’s a boy!”

“Smells like the war.”

“If I cut off my feet do we still have to do this?”

“We seem to have made a chamber pot.”

“Nothing says salad like animal collagen.”

“Are you a thorceror?”

“Reminds me of my summers in Columbia.”

“I’m sorry, my cauldron is in the dishwasher.”

“Well at least you specified the appliance, nah, I was gonna bake this in the dishwasher.”

“Now this took forty minutes to stiffen up which means it should see a doctor.”

“It doesn’t need salt, it needs help.”

“Hopefully it’ll be pink.”

“Now what does that mean? It means it was written by a white person.”

“On this episode of Bread Goes to Space,”

“You know Peter Pan came out in 1928, brave king.”

“Your friends are going to love the circles of indistinct mammal.”

[katisdead11]

The Dream SMP is a very serious roleplay server. Here are some of my favorite quotes to prove it.

"There's a time and a place for anger shitting."

"no man should be forced to wiggle against his will."

*through sobs* "thank you ninja's wife Jessica Blevins for the 100 gifted subs."

"If it pleases the court I would like to say that my opponent is talking shiiiiiit."

*starts singing and dancing to Taio Cruz's Dynamite*

*in the middle of a battle* "There's a hole in the wall up here!"

"Oh my god I love that show!"

*while running into another battle* "if we all say humuna humuna at the same time it'll sound really funny"

"humuna humuna humuna humuna humuna humuna humuna."

"I can't empty the dishwasher, mom, I'm live! I'm in the middle of a war, mom!"

"Oh my god he's dead? No!" *Gangnam style begins to play*

[wehangout]

Let Me make it up to You

Gallavich Week 2022 - Day 2: Quote based. “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” - Rita Rudner.

Read on AO3

@gallavichthings

“Are you telling me I got drunk-married, agreed to stay married for the sake of health insurance, lied to my family about having an entire relationship with the stranger I married, only to end up with someone who doesn’t know how to use a fucking dishwasher?”

You look up from an old Guns & Ammo to cock an eyebrow at your new husband. “I grew up poor, Gallagher. Didn’t even know what a dishwasher was until worked in the kitchen at juvie.”

“I grew up poor, too, but I still know that once the dishwasher is full you have to turn it on and do the load in order to have clean dishes!”

“Yeah, well …” You tongue your cheek and say nothing else because this is new, this is all new, and you’re not sure how bad it could get.

“Yeah, well, what, Mickey?”

“I’m sorry, okay? Let me make it up to you.”

“Make it up to me? How?”

“I dunno … I could suck your dick?”

Gallagher’s eyes narrow. “Seriously?”

“Sure. That shit worked out well the night we got hitched – might as well make the most of the situation, right?”

“Jesus Christ … fuck. Yeah, okay.”

 “Will you at least try it?”

“I’m not trying your fucked-up healthy food that has nothing but oats and shit in it.”

Gallagher snorts. “I can assure you there is no shit in quinoa.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Or oats,” he says, shoving another mouthful in.

“Still not gonna try it. And why are you being so pushy about it? We can’t seriously like that shit?”

“I do, actually. So you’re just gonna sit there and eat your burger?”

“Yes I am.”

“On Meatless Monday?”

“Oh, you know what, Gallagher? Fuck you and your Meatless Monday bullshit. I never agreed to doing that shit. In fact, I was wholeheartedly against it from the second you mentioned it.”

“Yeah, but you could be supportive.”

“Of oats instead of meat? Fuck no.”

“There are no oats! God, why are you such an asshole?”

“Why are you such a pussy bitch?”

“Fuck you. Eating this way is good for my state of mind and you’re being a real tool about it.”

“I …” You swallow back whatever you were going to say and think of the pills he keeps in the bathroom cabinet. “Yeah, fair enough.”

“No apology?”

“No. Maybe I could offer you’re a blow job instead?”

“I’ll take it.”

 “Do you ever pick up after yourself?”

“Do you ever chill the fuck out?”

“A pair of socks,” he says, flinging them at you. “It’s not that fucking difficult.”

“Neither is not being anal-retentive.”

“I’ll give you anal-retentive.”

“Ooh, please do.”

“Mickey!”

“I’m sorry, okay? Look, I’ll try harder to put my socks in the laundry basket when I take them off.” You get out off the couch and do exactly that. “I’ll even try and remember to do a load of laundry every now and then.”

“A half-assed promise doesn’t make up for the amount of filthy washing I picked up today.”

“Fuck. I mean, I could blow you?”

“Really?”

“I know we’re still new at this, but have you ever known me to not want to blow you?”

“Yeah, fair enough. Okay.”

 “Why do you have to be so aggressive?”

“It’s called dental hygiene, Gallagher.”

“It’s called brushing until you bleed,” he says, disgusted.

“My gums don’t bleed, asshole.”

“No, but you do get toothpaste spit all over the fucking mirror. It’s gross.”

Both eyebrows shoot up and you continue to speak around the toothbrush in your mouth. “Seriously? You licked my ass last night, but toothpaste spit is gross?”

“Could you just learn to clean the mirror after you’re done. It doesn’t take more than five seconds to grab a cloth and wipe the spit away. It’s common sense and common curtesy.”

“Whatever, Captain Clean. Are you done busting my balls over toothpaste spit?”

“No.”

You spit into the sink and wipe your mouth with the back of your hand. “Will it shut you up if I get on my knees and choke on your dick.”

“I – yeah, it might.”

 “Quit hogging the remote.”

“Fuck off, you don’t even like TV.”

“Of course I like TV. Everyone likes TV.”

“Not true.”

“Name one person who doesn’t like TV.”

“My brother.”

Gallagher yanks the remote out of your hand. “Please. How am I supposed to know if that’s true? Also, you have, like, seven brothers so that’s only one-seventh of an answer.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, would you like me to be more specific? Colin. Colin doesn’t like TV.”

“You’re literally lying to my face right now, aren’t you?”

You stare into his eyes for a few moments before relenting. “Yeah. Sorry. Want me to make it up to you? There are other things I can do with my mouth that aren’t lying.”

“You’re offering to blow me again?”

“Hell yeah.”

“You know that’s not gonna work every time, right?”

“Isn’t it?”

“Fucker. Go on, then.”

 “You finished the milk and didn’t get more?”

“The fuck?” You throw him a glare over the rim of your coffee cup. “I don’t even have milk in my coffee.”

“You have it in your cereal.”

“I … fuck. Yeah, I guess I do.”

“Mickey.”

“Sorry, man, let me make it up to you.”

He rolls his eyes. “Let me guess, another blowie.”

“You gonna tell me you don’t want it?”

“Fuck no.”

 “Mickey?”

“Yeah.”

“What happened to my watch?”

“Oh. Fuck. Uh … you want a –”

“Yes. Get on your fucking knees.”

 “So, don’t be mad.”

You sit your beer on the table and look up at him. “Great opening, Gallagher.”

“Something happened. I take full responsibility, but I want you to know it was an accident.”

“Spit it out, man.”

“I tripped. And spilled my quinoa.” He pauses, runs a hand over the back of his neck. “It spilt all through your shoes.”

“My shoes – you mean my Timberlands?”

“Yeah.”

You get to your feet, beer forgotten. “Are you fucking serious? Those are literally the only shoes I have and now they’re filled with oats and shit?”

“There are no oats –” he starts, then stops himself. “You know what? I’m sorry. It was an accident and I’m sorry.”

“Let me make it up to you.”

“You gonna pay for my new winter boots?”

“No.” He grins and steps closer. “But I could blow you.”

“Oh.” One side of your mouth tilts up to match his smile. “Yeah, okay.”

[dlwritings]

Help in Three Phases | Tom Holland

masterlist found here

pairing - roommate!Tom x reader word count - 4,359 warnings - language, period talk, masturbation (f), use of vibrator, oral (f receiving), m/f sex A/N - idk I’m pmsing pretty bad and this is how I’m feeling so here we are

summary - Your period hits you in three phases, and after living with Tom for six months, he finally starts to catch on to what you need during each one.

You had been living with Tom for a long time, and you loved it. You got along really well and made the perfect pair of roommates. Growing up, the two of you had been best friends. When you wanted to move out of your parents’ house but couldn’t afford to live on your own yet, Tom felt it was only natural to offer up his spare bedroom. You’d only have to pay half the rent, and if you missed a month, Tom would have no difficulty covering for you.

There was only one problem that came from being so close to Tom, and that was your dating life. For years, guys wouldn’t approach you because they assumed you were with Tom. And when they found out you weren’t, they were scared away by the fact that you lived with him. It was completely infuriating. Yes, you had, from time to time, wondered what it might be like to cross that line with him, but you were just best friends, and you hated how much that hindered any option you had in the dating world. It grew especially frustrating during one specific time of the month.

You were two things when you were PMSing: irritable and clingy. Not a period cycle went by where you didn’t wish you were the weepy girl on her period. No. You were the pissy girl. You got mad at everything, and you knew you were the worst to be around. All of the problems started about three days before your period actually hit and didn’t end until three days later. So while most girls dealt with seven days of a period, you basically dealt with seven days of bleeding and six days of side effects. Thus, your period came in three phases.

Phase one.

The days before your period, you had cravings and mood swings. The first day you felt it coming this time around, you and Tom had just finished dinner, and you were eagerly anticipating digging into your ice cream that was waiting for you in the freezer. Only it wasn’t there. You felt your jaw and your fists clench in anger. “Thomas,” you started, “where’s my ice cream?”

“Hmm?” Tom hummed from where he was loading the dishwasher.

“Where’s my ice cream?” you repeated, turning on your heel to face him. He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.

“You finished it two days ago,” he said.

“No I fucking did not,” you said. “I was specifically saving it for today.”

“Right,” Tom said slowly, “but then two nights ago, you got drunk and said to me, I was going to save this, but I’m gonna eat it now because -and I quote- fuck self control.”

“And you let me?” you snapped.

Tom scoffed and rolled his eyes. “Like I’m going to argue with drunk (Y/N) about whether or not she should eat her ice cream.” You groaned dramatically, slammed the freezer door shut, and stormed off to your room.

The next day, you were having a saltier craving. You were sitting in bed, watching an episode of New Girl, when you suddenly started to crave nachos. You pushed yourself out of bed and made your way to the kitchen, getting a plate from the cupboard and opening a bag of tortilla chips. When you opened the fridge to get some shredded cheese, you could feel your face grow hot in anger. “Are you fucking kidding me?” you mumbled to yourself. “This is easily the most frustrating fucking thing I’ve ever experienced.”

“What’s going on?” Tom asked from his spot on the couch.

“We don’t have any fucking shredded cheese!” you huffed. “How do we not have shredded fucking cheese?”

“Jesus Christ,” he chuckled.

“You’re going to wish Jesus Christ was here if we don’t get some shredded cheese in this house soon.”

The next day, on your way home from work, you stopped at the store to pick up some panty liners and chocolate. When you got home, you set the bag on the counter, the sound of rustling plastic peaking Tom’s interest. “What’d you get from the store?” he asked.

“Chocolate,” you said.

“Chocolate?” Tom repeated.

“For me,” you emphasized.

“Don’t you know sharing is caring?” he asked.

“Right,” you said. “Well, when you develop a uterus, consider my stash your stash.”

Phase two.

The next day, like clockwork, you woke up with an aching back, a nauseous stomach, and an immediate need to use the bathroom. This was the first part of the phase where your lack of significant other really put a damper on things. You were crabby, and all you wanted was to be held and cared for.

And after six months of living together, Tom finally started to notice your shift in mood during phase two. It wasn’t that he didn’t know you were on your period, and he wasn’t oblivious to the cranky stage that came before this one. But now, he was starting to realize just how upset you got during your period. Yes, you were still cranky, but you were also just down in the dumps. He never saw you cry, but then again, he never really saw you. You rarely left your room, but when you did, you had a permanent frown etched on your face.

Tom didn’t have any sisters, and none of his relationships had ever been serious enough that he saw a girlfriend through her periods. So, when it came to handling a girl when she was menstruating, he took advice from Harrison. After all, he had a sister. And Harrison told Tom to steer clear of you and give you space. So for that week each month, that’s what Tom did. But you were Tom’s best friend, and he loved you. Seeing you so upset and sitting back like it wasn’t happening was too difficult.

So this time around, Tom decided to change up the routine. You hadn’t come out for your ice cream yet, so he went to the freezer, got out your unopened pint of Ben and Jerry’s and a spoon, and made his way to your room. He knocked on the door, waited for your words of permission, and walked in. You had all the lights off and the shades drawn, so you were only illuminated by the TV screen where New Girl was playing. “Hey,” you mumbled. “Is my TV too loud?”

“No,” Tom said with a shake of his head. “No, I, uh, I brought you your ice cream.”

“Oh,” you said, surprise in your voice. “Thanks.”

“Yeah,” he said, walking over to your bed to hand it to you. “Do you want some company or anything?” Your eyebrows raised.

“Seriously?” you asked. The tips of Tom’s ears turned pink.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to bug you. I just thought-“

“No, no,” you said quickly. “I’m just surprised. You usually avoid me like the plague during this week.”

He chuckled awkwardly. “I guess I thought I was supposed to.”

“Let me guess,” you said with a grin. “Harrison?” Tom just smiled, so you patted the bed next to you, and he came to sit down, pulling the covers over his legs. You adjusted the hot pad on your back and relaxed again against the pillows. There was an awkward space between you and Tom, mostly because Tom didn’t want to overstep. It wasn’t that you guys didn’t cuddle, but he honest to god didn’t know how to approach you when you were on your period. What if he touched you and you just snapped?

But then he noticed how wiggly you were getting and opened his arms up. “Wanna cuddle?” he offered. You smiled gratefully and nodded, adjusting yourself again and cuddling up to his side.

“Sorry if my hot pad gets too warm,” you said.

“No worries,” he said, pulling you close to his side. “Whatever makes you feel better.” You nodded and nuzzled your cheek against his chest. Tom knew what kind of touches you liked best, so he moved his hand to the top of your head and started massaging your scalp and running your fingers through your hair. You hummed contently which made his heart feel warm.

“Thanks, Tommy,” you muttered. “I really needed this.”

“Of course, darling,” he whispered. “All you had to do was ask, and I’d be here.”

That was how you spent the rest of your free time during the week: cuddled up in bed with Tom watching New Girl. He made you dinner most days, and when he didn’t, it was because he ordered take out. 98-percent of you was thrilled, but then there were the other two. Being this close to Tom was fulfilling that desire you had for a significant other to be there for you, and it was messing with your head. You had been harboring a crush for Tom for as long as you had known him, but you had always been able to keep a lid on it. With him doing this for you, it was hard to stop yourself from bursting.

Phase three.

Your period was in the rear view mirror, but now came arguably the worst part. Because after your period, you were insanely horny. This time around, it was even worse. For that, you blamed Tom. And he may’ve been able to help during phase two, but no way were you going to ask him to help during phase three. No matter how badly you wanted to.

You got out of the shower and dried off, settling into clean sheets without putting on your pajamas. You kept the sheets off of you as you reached into your bedside drawer and pulled out your vibrator. It buzzed to life when you pressed the button, and you brought it straight to your nipples, running it over each of them until they were both hard. Then you trailed it down your stomach before pausing at your core. It was a rabbit, so it was made to stimulate your clit and your pussy at the same time. You were already clenching in anticipation as you teased yourself, letting the vibrator dance across your outer lips. Your thighs were slick with your juices, and you were able to slide the toy inside you with no problem.

Normally, you weren’t loud when you masturbated, but it took a lot to silence yourself. You often had your face buried in your pillow or your teeth biting harshly into your lower lip. That night, you were so far gone, keeping your moans quiet wasn’t exactly in the forefront of your mind. Your pussy was clenching the vibrator so tightly, and the vibrations were making your head hazy.

“Oh shit,” you breathed out. Every time you used the toy after a week of PMSing, you felt like you were in heaven. Sure, it was nothing compared to a real dick, but it sure did a damn good job at satisfying you.

You were sure Tom’s dick would be more satisfying though.

Then, you were picturing him railing into you, your face pressed against the mattress and his fingers leaving bruises on your hips. It wasn’t the first time you had thought about him while pleasuring yourself, but it was the first time his name left your lips while doing it.

“Tom,” you moaned. It wasn’t too loud, but you still forced your teeth to sink into your lower lip to stop it from happening again.

But the damage had already been done, because Tom walked right by your door when you said his name. He didn’t think anything of it, just assuming you heard him walking by and needed him for something. His light knock on the door caused your heart to race against your chest. You fumbled to get the covers over yourself but didn’t have time to turn off the vibrator before he came in. You gripped the sheets close to your chest and ignored the vibrator buzzing on the bed between your thighs. It was no longer inside you, but it was so close to your core that you were still feeling the shocks.

“What’s up?” you asked, praying you sounded chill.

“You called my name,” he said, leaning against the doorframe. You shook your head and frowned.

“No I didn’t,” you said. You knew you didn’t sound convincing. Tom furrowed his eyebrows but seemed amused.

“I swear you did,” he said. He opened his mouth to say something else, but closed it again when he heard something. “Is your phone going off?”

“What?” you said, feeling panic settling in your chest. “No.”

“Are you sure?” he said, patting his own pants pockets. “I hear something vibrating.”

“Nope,” you said, then laughed awkwardly. “You must be hearing things, Holland.”

Tom could tell you were hiding something, and he liked how flustered you seemed. It was funny to him. He took a few steps closer to you, and your body froze. “What are you doing?” you asked, hoping he didn’t notice your voice shake.

He laughed. “What is up with you?”

“Nothing!” you said. “Can’t you just go?”

“You’re hiding something,” he said. “And I only know one way to get you to spill.”

Your eyes grew wide at what he was insinuating. “No,” you said, shaking your head. “No, Tom, don’t.” He ignored you and jumped on the bed, gripping your hips over the sheets and tickling you. “Tom!” you said, trying to wiggle away from him while still keeping your body covered.

And then, he felt it.

The vibrator buzzed against his knee causing him to stop his actions in their tracks. You were mortified. Tom didn’t look at you. Instead, he looked down at his knee as if trying to stare through the sheet to see the toy in question. You didn’t know what to say. You were busted. There was no way around it. How were you going to talk your way out of this one?

What you hadn’t expected was for Tom to grab your sheet and pull it off your body. You were frozen in shock as you watched him. His eyes were still fixated on the vibrator, now noticing that it was covered in your slick. When he finally looked at you, you realized his pupils were so blown that his eyes looked black. You were waiting for him to say something or even leave the room in disgust. Instead, Tom picked up your vibrator and turned it over in his hands, not at all seeming to mind that it was wet.

“Do you think of me a lot when you do this?”

You opened your mouth and closed it again, and Tom surprised you by pressing the vibrator against your clit. A choked out moan passed your lips and your hips lifted. “Answer me,” he said.

“Yes,” you cried. “Yes, I do, Tom.” He pulled the vibrator away, and you whined at the feeling. He looked up at you again, and you felt embarrassed tears come to your eyes as you closed your legs and covered your chest with your arms. “I’m so sorry,” you said. “Please, please just go, and I’ll never-“

“Open your legs.”

Your eyes widened as you tried to process what he said. You looked at him and saw he was staring at your body.

“What?” you said. Tom lifted his head to look in your eyes, and his expression softened.

“You tell me you don’t want my help,” he said, “and I’ll go. But-“ He cut himself off, needing to clear his throat to stop his voice from cracking. “-fuck, let me help you.”

Instead of answering him with words, you moved your hands from your chest and spread your legs apart. Tom wasted no time situating himself between your legs, your vibrator still in his hand. He licked his lips before bringing the toy to your cunt, pushing it inside you inch by inch. His mouth watered at how eager your pussy was to take the vibrator, and he imagined how tightly you’d squeeze his cock.

The smaller part of the vibrator pressed against your clit every time Tom pushed the toy inside you. He worked it slowly, and you were writhing on the bed above him. You both jumped when his finger hit one of the buttons, and the vibration setting changed. “How many different vibrations are there?” he asked you, not taking his eyes off your cunt.

“Uh, huh, 30,” you stuttered.

“30,” Tom repeated, like he was testing the number on his lips. “‘S a lot.”

“Mhm,” you hummed.

“You use them all?” he asked.

“Not all the time,” you managed to say. He pulled the toy out of you until just the tip was inside. You whined and tried to lift your hips, but he put his arm across your stomach to stop you. He pressed the button again, trying out another vibration. He kept clicking until he stopped on one whose pattern and intensity intrigued him.

“You like this one?” he asked. He sounded genuinely curious, but you were too focused on the fact that Tom was holding a vibrator against your cunt to answer him in any significant way.

“I like them all,” you said. Your eyes were closed, so you couldn’t see the smirk that danced across Tom’s lips. He thrust the toy inside you causing you to cry out in pleasure. Every time he pulled it away and the small part left your clit, you wanted to beg him to put it back. He always did. His thrusts were slow but rough, pounding the toy inside you so it hit the right spots each time.

When you could feel yourself getting close to the edge, you bit your lip to stop yourself from saying something you might regret. Tom noticed.

“Wanna hear you say it,” he muttered, pulling the toy away from where you wanted it most. You forced your eyes open to see Tom was biting his lower lip. His pupils were still blown, but his expression was soft, almost vulnerable. How was he the vulnerable one right then?

You knew what he wanted, and when he pushed the toy back inside you, his name fell from your lips. With a few more thrusts, you were cumming. You grabbed Tom’s hand and forced him to keep the toy in place, the vibrations destroying your clit in the best way possible. Your moans were so wrecked, and the way you called Tom’s name like a prayer made his already hard dick throb in his sweats.

When he pulled the toy out of you, he noticed the way your pussy clenched around nothing. He shut the toy off, and you kept your eyes closed, trying to catch your breath. You were so focused on coming down from your high that you shrieked when you felt Tom’s mouth on your core. “Tommy,” you moaned, gripping his hair in your hands. He lapped up your cunt, savoring each drop of your cum like he wouldn’t let any of it go to waste. He could tell by how you wanted him to use the toy that you needed clit stimulation, so he gave you that. He rolled your clit with his tongue, pressing down on it with just the right amount of pressure. Your thighs started squeezing his head, but he held them apart, growling in warning against your cunt. You cried out, begging him for something you couldn’t quite word. Whatever it was, he somehow knew, because he had you cumming again in just the right number of minutes. He let you savor it; he didn’t rush it.

You looked down at him when he pulled away, and you noticed his lips were coated in your orgasm. You smiled in embarrassment as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. He surprised you when he started kissing up your body. His lips stopped at your jaw, and he pulled back to look in your eyes. You stared at each other for a few moments before you both moved a fraction closer to each other to close the space between you in a kiss. It wasn’t as desperate and needy as you expected it to be, and you hoped and prayed that this meant something to Tom like it did to you. He broke the kiss and pressed his forehead to yours. “You say the word and I’m done,” he said. “No pressure. No obligation. No-“

You cut him off. “Fuck me, Tom.” The corner of his lip raised into his cheeky smirk, and he kissed you again. You’d be lying if you said you weren’t surprised by the affectionate action, but you loved it. You kissed him back, wrapping your legs around his waist and rubbing your core against the bulge in his pants. You gripped his t-shirt in your fists and tugged it up his body until he pulled away and yanked it over his head, tossing it to the side. He sat back on his heels and tugged his sweats and boxers down at the same time, moving around to take them off completely. His dick was even better than you imagined it might be. He was the perfect length, and he was thick, the tip red and already leaking precum.

“Shit,” Tom muttered. “Do you have a condom?”

You sighed. “No.”

“Alright,” he said. “I’ve got some in my room.”

“Mm, okay,” you hummed, pressing your thighs together. “Hurry back.” You moved your hand slowly down your stomach, then traced up and down your thighs. You swore you’d never seen someone move as quickly as Tom did then, jumping off your bed and rushing out the door. When he came back, he already had the condom packet open, which made you giggle. He grinned and got back on the bed, rolling the condom on his length with a satisfied sigh. You thought he would push into you right away, but instead, he brought his lips down to yours again. He didn’t quite let them press together, just hovered over your lips before kissing across your cheek and to your ear.

“Tell me, love,” he said. “What do you think about when you think of me?”

Your breath caught in your throat as he lined himself up, letting the tip of his cock brush against your clit. “Ah, fuck,” you breathed out. “Hard and fast. Choking me. Pulling my hair. Fuck-” Tom thrust into you without warning, giving you no time to adjust before pounding into you. He watched your eyes roll to the back of your head as your mouth gaped open. Your head almost hit the headboard with the force he was fucking you, and the room was full of your moans and slapping skin.

Tom surprised you when he pulled out of you so he could turn you over and slam into you from behind. He pulled you up by your hair so your back was arched, and you cried out in pleasure. “Yes,” you screamed. “Just like that, Tom. Fuck!” He pulled you up even more so your back was flush to his chest, and he moved his hand from your hair to your throat.

Again, better than you imagined.

He cut off your airflow just enough to make your head feel hazy. “You like that?” he muttered in your ear. “Fuck, you’re squeezing my cock so tight, you must love it.”

“Tom,” you gasped out. 

“You gonna cum for me, darling?” he asked. You nodded as much as you could, and Tom pressed a little tighter against your neck. “Cum for me. Cum all over my cock.” You moaned, your voice cracking as you did so. “Fuck, yes,” Tom said as you milked his cock. “‘M gonna cum. Oh fuck.” With a few more thrusts, Tom spilled into the condom, his hips stuttering as he finished. He pulled out of you as you collapsed onto the bed with a sigh. You laid in bed, your eyes closed, as Tom fell beside you. He took off the condom and tied it off before throwing it in the trash beside your bed. You were both breathing heavily, and neither of you knew what to say or who should speak first.

“Wow,” you finally said.

Tom chuckled. “Yeah. Wow.” You turned your head to look at him, and he did the same. Tom licked his lips and darted his eyes between yours. “So, what, um-” He hesitated. “What do we do now?” You swallowed thickly and stared up at the ceiling again. This was it. This was when you had to lie and say it was just sex, because you were sure that was what he would want.

Tom seemed to read your mind. “Maybe this isn’t the right time to say this,” he said, “but I really like you, (Y/N).” You looked at him again and saw how small and nervous his smile was. “You’re my best friend, but, but I’ve felt more than best friend feelings for you for a long time now.” You turned on your side and faced him.

“Really?” you asked, reaching over to stroke his cheek with the back of your hand.

He chuckled and mirrored your position. “Yeah, love. Really.” You smiled and leaned over, pressing a kiss to his lips. When you pulled away, you were still smiling.

“I feel the same,” you said. He smiled and turned you over so you were on your back and he was hovering over you again. He peppered kisses all over your face until you were a giggling mess under him. “You’re so weird,” you said. “How can you go from choking me to this in a matter of minutes?” Tom’s expression shifted a bit, and he brushed his fingers lightly across your neck.

“That was okay?” he asked.

“Mhm,” you hummed. “More than okay.” You tangled your fingers in his hair and pulled him close to you again. “Just so you’re prepared, my sex drive after shark week is always crazy high. And choking-” You brushed your lips across his. “-that’s just the beginning of what I’m into.”

----- ----- ----- -----

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[imnotwolverine]

The Accidental Family - Chapter 4

Henry Cavill x OFC - multi-chapter

< Chap 3 | Chap 4 The First Date night | Chap 5 >

Disclaimer: fluff, mild smuttiness, some strong language

Word count: 2.303

Author’s note: I had so much food the past couple of days 😂So yea, despite the Christmas days having been weird at best, me and my bf had quite a bit of fun - and a whole lot of romantic dinners to kill the time. And ..now we’re talking romantic dinners..

(Link to my Masterlist)

--

‘Black or purple, what do you think?’ Henry held up the two ties before Kal, the dog tilting his head left and right, as if deciding which one was better. The answer was apparently quite simple according to Henry’s dog; with an excited huff the Akita jumped right up in Henry’s face, licking him all over.

‘Yea, yea, hahahah - that’s the goal. Hahahah. You got me there. So..no tie, then?’ He pushed the dog back down and ruffled him through his thick fur. Kal borked softly and Henry agreed. ‘Very well, a little less formal is probably better, you’re right. We’re having a date at home, anyways.’

Henry breathed in deeply and looked in the direction of the kitchen, his stew simmering on a low fire as he heard Phoebe rummage upstairs, some closet cabinets opening and closing in a mildly hasty manner.

With Henry still in full recovery, it was decided that it would be best to just stick to a cute home dinner for their first dinner date since his memory loss - just to avoid any overzealous fans that would disturb him in a restaurant after the news had been released that he had suffered a serious head injury in a motorcycle accident.

The accident had left many scars. Both physical and mental. It was weird to be here at home now more people lived here, the kids on a prolonged stay with the grandparents while Henry and his wife recuperated from the shake-up his - their - life had had.

In the past days Henry had seen about every specialist and doctor in the book. He went from lengthy couch sessions with a psychologist - the story of the introduction of his kids having been received with mild horror - to the keeping of sleep and medication schedules with his doctor to make sure he got enough recovery and rest in between re-learning the basics of his new life.

The fact that a good many people surviving such head trauma would never be the same, troubled Henry greatly, and so whenever he was allowed to search the internet, which was sparingly, he scoured it like a starved man, the printer in the living room doing over-time to print all the articles and research he had found.

But, all that research would have to wait for the moment. First he’d have to get reacquainted with another part of his life: his wife. And even now as he heard her rummage around the master bedroom, he couldn’t help but feel his heart flutter with nerves.

What if she didn’t like the new Henry? What if he couldn’t fall in love with her. Or the sex would be awful, or..

NO! Stop those thoughts.

Looking back in the hallway mirror, he unbuttoned his blouse a little further, a little peek of chest hair popping out over the sleek white fabric.

‘Button up or down?’ Henry looked over at Kal, but the dog thought his human dad was being ridiculous, his body turning around to trod back to the kitchen to slobber up some water.

‘..Very well then.’

--

It was near surprising how easy dinner went by. Which of course, shouldn’t be too much of a surprise; Henry and Phoebe had several dinners at home before this one, though they never had been quite so romantic. Henry had turned the lights down low and lit some candles, the kitchen radio playing some soft jazzy music playing in the background.

With dinner over and the dirty plates returned to the dishwasher - the dance of moving around the kitchen together now quite well practised, they ended up on the couch, the both of them sipping on some tea, since it was strongly advised not to consume alcohol after Henry’s brain injury.

‘So...’ Henry finished the last sip of his tea and placed it on the side table next to his right elbow, his blue eyes searching for his wife’s slightly dazed expression - she did have a wine or two with his stew.

‘Hmm?’

‘Are you falling asleep on me, wife?’

‘Hahaha you wish.’

‘I do wish.’

‘Oh stop it!’ Her cheeks burned a bright pink, making Henry chuckle - at least he still got some of his charms.

‘I WAS actually wondering about what you mentioned earlier. When I asked you on this date..remember?’

‘Yea…’ She lifted her legs and crossed them, snuggling herself more comfortable in her nook on the couch, lips blowing over her slowly cooling tea.

‘What did you mean by “we never really dated”?’ Henry quoted the last words with his fingers.

‘Oh!’ She quickly looked away, her hands deciding it was best to put her tea away on the side table on her side of the couch. ‘Yea….’ She looked back at Henry. ‘That’s a funny story..’

‘Mmm?’

‘Okay, okay. So, I’m just curious. How do you think we met?’ Her eyebrows rose in expectation, her body fully turning towards him, legs still crossed before her chest. Henry also turned slightly, his arm stretching out over the back of the couch, his fingertips just about able to reach her knees.

‘Hmm. I’ve actually thought about that. Though of course I don’t know. But ehh..’ He squinted his eyes a little, as if playfully wanting to guess. ‘I think I met you on set.’

‘How’s that?’

‘I don’t know. Just a feeling.’

‘Well. It’s not. Try again.’

‘Okay..Ehm, then I totally met you at the grocery store and hit on you so hard that you thought I was some weird creep?’

She laughed. ‘That has happened. Not with you though.’

‘Shame.’

Phoebe laughed and shook her head. ‘Dork.’

‘OH! A comic book store?! A Comic Con? A..’

‘No, and.. no.’

‘Alright, I don’t know. Spill the beans, wife-dear.’

She shot him an exasperated look, before clicking her tongue. ‘We shagged at an after party.’

Henry’s face blanked. ‘I’m sorry, say that again: AT an after party?’

‘Yea..we definitely did it AT the after party.’

‘Was I drunk?’

Phoebe laughed. ‘Shit Henry. Of course we were. We both were. I wouldn’t for the life of me shag anyone on any party, but there we were, fumbling hands and tearing expensive dress shirts in a toilet stall.’ 

Henry’s eyes widened at her words.

‘Yea..classy, right? And you left me a little present too.’

‘We’re not talking about just a phone number here, huh?’

‘Nope. You knocked me up with our ray of sunshine, Sam. Funny thing was that I lost my phone that night, and with it your number. I then contacted your assistant, Aunt Lea, whom TOTALLY didn’t believe you’d do anything of the sort, so it took me a good three months to get in contact with you.’

‘Holy crap.’

Phoebe sighed deeply and turned away again, as if wishing to shut out Henry from her thoughts. ‘Yea, it’s been a wild ride.’

‘Wait.’ Henry pushed himself a little closer so he could brush a hand over her shoulder, his eyes searching the curve of her nose and the pull of her lips. ‘Do you regret it? It’s okay if you do. I mean, we’re all out, bums out - besides I can’t remember a thing of the things you just said.’

Phoebe shook her head. ‘No.’ She finally looked back up at Henry, her eyes a lot more warm and welcoming than he had expected. ‘I was already smitten with you before I rang this doorbell to give you the happy news you were about to become a dad...and I’d have kept sweetheart Sam either way the wind would have blown.’

‘Sam..Fixing his dad and all.’ Henry smiled.

‘Gods.’ Phoebe chuckled. ‘That was bad.’

‘Kinda. I’ll need some help with managing that rowdy bunch.’ Henry sighed, feeling Phoebe’s hand reaching out to brush through his curls again - he liked it.

‘I had a good night.’ She said.

Henry looked at her and instantly felt his heart flutter, his stomach dropping and palms going sweaty. It was quite obvious that IF he wanted to make a move, he’d have to do it now. And so, with perhaps a bit too awkward a hastiness, he scooted closer to Phoebe, his black burning eyes staring down into her expecting dark blues.

‘I liked it too. I like YOU..too.’ He breathed, making her eyes also grow darker by the second.

‘Good,’ She whispered, switching her focus between his left and right eye, noses slowly crawling closer to one another until their lips were but a breath away from touching.

‘Can I kiss y..-?’

His words lingered somewhere in between the crashing of their two bodies, Phoebe’s arms eagerly pulling him towards her, her lips savouring the taste of mint tea and musk on his tongue. And as eagerly as they started, so eagerly it to-tal-ly escalated. In moments Henry had flipped her flat onto the couch, his hands scorching the skin on her neck and chest, fingertips teasing and touching whatever piece of flesh her simple black dress revealed.

‘FUCK.’ She whined, turning her head to offer him more neck for him to bite down into.  

Henry growled and lowered his hip, making her feel the eagerness he felt in the tightness of his dress pants, the fabric strained around his crotch.

‘Oh gods,’ Her breath hiccuped and were it not for Henry’s attentiveness, he wouldn’t have picked up on the tears that had started to spill from her eyes, his body immediately pushing back up before he wiped the stray hairs in her face away, worried eyes studying her trembling lips and blurry gaze.

‘I-I’m so sorry.’ She mumbled, turning her head into the couch pillow, wishing to hide from his penetrative gaze.

‘No, no. It’s okay. Sshhh.’ He sat up on his haunches and pulled her with ease onto his lap, his chin pressing down onto her head as she cried into the open V of his shirt, his chest hair wetting with her agony - yep he kept it buttoned down. ‘Sshhh.’ He hushed, pressing more and more kisses into her golden hair. ‘I’ve got you.’

‘I’ve missed you so much.’ She whimpered, and it was in that moment Henry hated himself for the way his erection twitched beneath the plush of her thighs, his mind having to focus on anything but her scent and warmth - and failed. Henry failed miserably, Bee’s head starting to shake “no” as she pushed herself off his lap.

‘Fwooo…’ She breathed, focusing on slowing her breath before she looked back at Henry with watery eyes, their bodies separated by the magic of opposing magnetic energy; if Henry tried to come closer, she leaned back and vice versa.

‘Maybe we should give THAT a little more time.’ She chuckled through her tears, the back of her hand wiping away the smudge of mascara that was running down her cheek.

‘I’m sorry about that.’ Henry muttered, feeling like he had failed completely, though thankfully Phoebe could only see the hilarity of it:

‘Guess nothing much has changed in that department.’ She sighed and turned her body back towards him. ‘Is it okay if we sleep apart for a little bit? Just to..-’

‘Calm down?’

‘Yea.’ Her lips curled in a smile.

‘I’m not really used to sleeping with women on the first date anyways.’

Phoebe laughed, poking him in the bicep. ‘OH PLEASE, don’t tell me I was the only one you ever..’

Henry laughed along and shrugged with boyish innocence: ‘Can’t remember, but from what I know, I ...never..’

‘Will you go on another date with me though?’

Henry let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. He was pleased with her gentle plea, his hand catching hers to press a sweet and tender promise of a kiss onto the back of her hand. ‘Absolutely.’

--

That night Henry found himself bunking up with a bed full of stuffies, the bed of his 4-year old the only one he could somewhat fit into.

Turning towards the stuffies, he remembered the notes his wife had given him in the past days: Sam had a stuffy named Mr. Stinky, which he had left behind to watch over his other friends while he was away. 

Henry studied the line up of rabbits, elephants, bears and foxes. Which one was Stinky anyways? His wife had said it in between a avalanche of other information, so Henry hadn’t quite managed to catch on like he so wished.

‘Oh..There’s a LOT to learn huh..Mr Stinky? Or ..were you Mr Stinky?’ He looked from stuffy to stuffy, the large beady eyes looking back at him in silence. With a slight smirk on his face Henry pushed his nose into their fluffy bellies, inhaling deeply to find out which one would be Mr. Stinky. But, apparently it was just a name; they all smelled fine.

Rolling onto his back, he switched off the Mario mushroom shaped night light, the ceiling above glowing up with a hundred small stars that had been put up to keep the nightmares at bay.

‘Woa..’ He breathed, feeling his heart flip at the idea that everything about this was real. He had kids. He had..a wife. A family life. And now all he needed to learn was how to fit into his new role. This new ..Henry. And, for the fuck of sakes: if he wasn’t going to jerk off soon, he’d jump his wife before the night was through. It was quite clear how they had never made it to a first date; she simply made his heart and loin ache in a way he had never quite felt before.

Sighing deeply he looked back at the dark row of judgmental beady eyes next to him. He chuckled.

‘Yea...let’s not do that here.’

--

Chap 5 >

--

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[boop-le-snoot]

PARTY FAVOURS I A THIRSTY INTERLUDE

First time reader click here

Bun Bun at 2:30 AM posting: This is 110% pornography. I wrote that when I was feeling extra thirsty over Tony and his Nano suit so yeah... A bit of choking a bit of mild suit bondage. Daddy kink 👉🏻👈🏻🥺 BDSM themes. Humor & porn. Has minimal correlation with the story and can be read as standalone smut-shot. Inspired by this NSFW tik tok audio (headphones!).

"OH MY GOD, NO! NO, NO, SHIT, FUCK, NO!"

"Princess, what's wrong?" Steve's worried voice rang high in the kitchen, followed by an alarming clattering of the dishes against the sink. "Are you hurt?" He didn't even remark on my use of profanity, which meant I'd startled the Captain for sure. He appeared in the doorway ready to fight, run; his eyes immediately drawn to his shield in the corner.

"Only what's left of my dignity," I sighed.

"Oh, okay," He visibly sagged, tension leaving his voice and his body. "What happened?"

I inhaled several times, feeling heat creep up my neck and blossom on my cheeks. It took a lot, and I mean A LOT, to make me feel embarrassed enough to fumble my words and palm my face but that was exactly what I did. "Well, umm... Tony found a couple of thirst tweets. Mine, from my sophomore year. And uh, retweeted them." I thought I'd cleaned up my social media quite well, actually. My fingers twitched remembering manually sorting through thousands of posts. Apparently, my fingers weren't clever enough.

Steve snorted, evidently having had someone tell him what a thirst tweet was. He, however, did not understand the sheer mortification that I would be subjected to at the hands of Tony. And my classmates. And Peter, oh my God. Natasha and Wanda too, probably. And Loki.

I. Was. Toast.

"How bad was it?" Bucky piped up, finally having dealt with the mini laughter fit.

"Not worse than what you two get up to in the gym when you think nobody is home," I immediately retorted in hopes of avoiding teasing from the metal-armed man. He would take the chance, of course, he would.

"Oof, I'm sorry, doll," Bucky whistled sympathetically. And promptly pulled out his phone, to, what I assumed, see the offending social media posts for himself. I assumed correctly. Bucky was bent over laughing in no time - was it my doing or did Tony's own commentary on them that made the whole situation so hilarious to the gramps on steroids?

"I will light you on fire," I seethed but remained where I was standing. There was no point in doing anything about them now. Screenshots were probably already being saved on everybody's devices.

Steve peeped over his boyfriend's shoulder, chuckling. "You had a crush on Tony? That's embarrassing, doll." He had the audacity to give me an innocent smile before returning to his dishwashing.

"Punk, I don't know if - and I quote: Not to be That Girl™ - it's trademarked, by the way - but Tony Stark could hit it and quit it and I wouldn't even be mad - qualifies as a crush." Bucky pointed out, the sound of his voice being drowned out by Steve's guffaws. "And this one definitely does not qualify for it to be a romantic setting. Listen: I'm not a fucking bottom, okay?.. there are seventeen question marks. But, like, can Tony Stark choke me in one of his Iron Man suits - nine more question marks." Bucky joined his partner's laughter, unable to continue.

I was literally on fire. My face burned, my hands shook. I had the strongest urge to stick my index fingers in my ears and loudly yell "la-la-la" until both fossils ceased to roast me like I was some sort of holiday brisket. "I hate you. I will burn... The heart... Out of you," I seethed.

"O-oh, honey bu-un, da-arling..." I heard Tony's sing-song voice happily calling for me. Too happily. Not good.

I had literal seconds to get myself scarce out of this situation. I'd already avoided the dozen text messages, two calls in hopes the engineer would drop the topic and go back to his Big Bad Science Project. I had underestimated his persistent desire to cause chaos and his terrible, no-good sense of humor.

It was fun and games when we teamed up to prank our friends. I just never expected for the tables to be turned this way, y'know? Betrayal of the highest quality. The turntables had been turned - decidedly NOT in my favor.

In a brief moment of panicked clarity, I opened one of the empty bottom cabinets in the kitchen. It took some uncomfortable folding and maneuvering but I got myself inside and pressed the door shut seconds before his footsteps made the distinctive noise of sneakers on tile.

"Capsicle, Terminator," I heard Tony greet the two laughing supersoldiers. "Have you seen my Princess?"

I melted a little bit at the way Tony called me his, I won't lie.

"Nope," Bucky lied shamelessly.

"She's in the empty cabinet," Steve chuckled at the same time. Top 10 anime betrayals, right there.

"Wow - and I thought we were friends," Tony scoffed, I assumed at Bucky. My body tensed and I prepared to dial-up my puppy eyes to eleven. My hiding spot was wack.

The door was roughly tossed open, my eyes landing on Tony's oil-stained jeans. He crouched down, his brown eyes positively sparkling. The engineer's body radiated smug mischief, fingers twitching in anticipation.

"Sorry, Princess is unavailable right now. May I take a message?" I said, pulling on the cabinet door and fully prepared to slam it shut in his face. I was NOT ready for any more mortification.

Tony's chuckle shook me to the core, louder and ten times more expressive in the cramped, dark space of my temporary lair. "Come on out, baby girl. I didn't peg you for a wallflower."

"Duly noted," I said warily, having been expecting for him to drag me out and carry me to his bedroom, caveman style. I had noticed that my dorky self revved up his gears faster than any stereotypical seductive shit. It was no secret, at least not for us 'vengers, that Tony was a huge dork himself but I guess it takes one to know one.

"So, my suits, huh?" He smirked after a brief moment and just like that, I Did Not Like Where This Was Going. The receding footsteps and quiet snickering only confirmed my suspicions. Tony's form blocked the opening of the cabinet, crowding me even further into the already cramped space.

"Um," I found myself pretty much speechless. Part of me was excited and yearning - of fucking course I was curious if Tony Stark, genius and former playboy, had found a way to incorporate his suits of armor into the bedroom. Daresay, it was the question of the decade, according to Cosmopolitan, GQ, and a whole lot of other large media outlets.

The more sensible part of me screamed shame for that, playing with an essentially massive, powerful destruction machine. Something meant to protect millions of people from bad guys and aliens. It seemed blasphemous to waste such an important thing on scratching a curious itch.

I blinked owlishly, squirming.

"Okay, out you go." Tony's patience had run out and he withdrew himself, promptly standing up.

I heard the tapping of his fingers as I ungracefully stumbled out. He was occupied with his tablet so I turned around to adjust myself and the things on the countertop I had accidentally jostled in my rush to preserve some dignity.

An arm snaked around my waist, cold and unyielding, brushing against my exposed midriff with metal fingertips. Goosebumps followed the touch as I shivered involuntarily, stuttering in my breathing. "Fuck." The sound came out as if it was punched out of my throat with force, breathy.

"What's your safeword?" Tony's neatly groomed beard scratched against my ear. His voice was heavy and his lips were moist.

"Banana," I blurted the first thing that came into my mind. My body was hot and yet, I froze in place. The sheer power that the man behind me contained demanded unyielding obedience. I had no choice but to comply.

"Friday, lock the door. Nobody but me, in and out." Tony growled, pulling my hips into his metal-covered form.

Were we really doing this in the communal kitchen? With Steve and Bucky probably fully aware of what exactly was going on in here? Tony seemed to have zero reservations about that; in fact, I was almost sure he'd orchestrated the whole thing somehow. Steve owed like a dozen favors to the engineer.

The thick of Tony's leg firmly wedged itself between my thighs, spreading them open just enough so I was forced to put a slight arch in my back to keep still, my ass and shoulders firmly pressing against his Iron Man suit. I felt the coldness of the metal through my clothes, heard the hum of the nanobots in my ears.

My blood responded, heartbeat pulsing in my ears in sync with the electrical currents supplying the man behind me with the immense physical power to match his mental one. "Shit," The sound of my voice was faint. His other arm began creeping up my side to my shoulders, making an unmistakable beeline for my neck.

Tony applied firm pressure on it, wrapping the gauntlet carefully - not restricting the airflow, just steering me as he wished. And apparently, he had some very strong ideas about my current predicament: "Got me right where you wanted me?" He asked, low and breathy.

As I attempted to make noise, his hand tightened on my throat. Eyelids involuntarily sliding closed, my lips shook with the force it took me to muster up enough oxygen to hum a sloppy. "Mhm..."

"Can't hear you, baby girl," His cheek rested against mine, scratchy and hot and smelling like iron and gasoline and Tony.

Another shaky breath, I attempted to force the words out - for some reason, Tony's presence commanded me to obey him like never before. I nearly shivered from the sheer aura of power surrounding my man and it was his cue to lessen the careful pressure on my throat - just enough for blood to rapidly rush to my ears, making the world even hazier. "Yeah, Tony," It didn't take me much time to give him the enthusiastic consent he was looking for.

"Uh-uh," Tony tutted cheerfully. His other arm snaked around my waist, dipping lower to play with the hem of my skirt. God bless me for wearing a skirt! The rough pads of his fingertips scratched against the soft, sensitive flesh of my inner thighs. "I think we're past first name basis, baby," The suit retracted, mostly. The nanotech allowed for different parts of it to cover Tony's body in odd places: I felt the gauntlets and the arm braces, as well as part of a chest plate, but waist down my man was wearing simple jeans and tee.

"Uh," My brain supplied unhelpfully, feeling the bulge pressing against my ass. "Daddy?"

"That's my girl," I was rewarded with a groan, so sinful and delicious, falling from his lips straight into my ear. The hand that had gone down south cupped the mound of my pussy with a tender gesture. "Or Iron Man's?" He teased, grinding into me from behind.

"Yours," I keened obediently, my body seeming to find it impossible to decide between rubbing myself on his hand and his cock. It was a hard choice - pun absolutely intended. I was long uncomfortable in my panties and Tony's clever digits surely felt it, yet he made no further moves. "Daddy," I tried to put how much I ached for him into words.

Tony hummed, placing his wet mouth on the juncture of my neck for a moment. His hot breath seared my skin. The curious fingers finally, finally, reached the apex of my thighs. "Fuckin' shit, baby, you're..." He didn't bother finishing the sentence, speaking with his actions instead, scissoring his fingers between my labia, running the knuckles over my clit.

Just to feel me pant and shiver. I was sensitive and so aroused it was nearly unbearable. Tony always made me feel some type of way and, once again, my man had outdone himself. There was no shame left in me as I shifted my hips to the rhythm of his hand.

"Please?" I asked him prettily, knowingly that one little word would get me everything I wanted. A hard fucking, a new dress, a car, or, Hell, my own private island. My eyes were pretty when I begged, he had said. I would move the world for you, he had meant.

"Baby," The whisper was rushed as Tony turned me around and claimed my lips, hoisting my ass onto the marble countertop of the common kitchens. My legs wrapped around his hips, seeking the warmth and relief of his skin on mine. I wanted him inside of me, inconvenient location and two layers of clothing be damned. I wanted to bury myself in him until either of us couldn't tell who started and ended where.

"Daddy," I whispered into the thin line of his mouth, conveying my all-consuming need in a single word.

My skirt was hiked up in a second, the gauntlets of his suit still on his hands tearing my pants in a single clean motion. Eagerly, I scooted forward to pop the button on his jeans; grateful for the fact more often than not, Tony choose to forgo the belt whatsoever when working in the lab. Today was my lucky day.

His cock, red and thick and hard enough to pound nails with, weighed my hand down for barely a second beforehand Tony's gauntlets closed around both of my wrists, securing them to my chest. His other arm swiftly wrapped around me, pulling me close to him, as close as we could be together without sharing a single body. The blunt tip of his manhood stood at my entrance - not just teasing it but seeking permission.

One keen that seemed to come from deep insight my chest and I felt Tony's breath hitch as our sensitive flesh met; he filled me up at least as superbly as I hugged him. We shared a moan and a breath, just feeling each other, feeling the moment.

We were short on patience. Tony's hand slid onto the small of my back, urging our hips to meet each other, setting a punishing pace from the very start.

"Fuck, Daddy, oh God," I panted. I wasn't used to getting things started with so little prep.

"Baby," Tony rumbled, trying for stern, having it come out as breathless as I felt. "Shit, so fuckin' tight," His words garbled.

The sound of flesh slapping flesh was loud, perhaps, loud enough for certain enhanced folk to hear should they happen to pass the kitchen doors - and if that didn't make my insides clench in the most delectable ways.

Tony grunted in response, a lewd noise adding to the cacophony. "Gonna come?" His teeth caught my bottom lip, pulling it slightly. "For Daddy?" He asked, all traces of his usual cockiness gone, as he pulled away slightly to stare right in my wide eyes with his baby doe browns, equally blown with lust and longing.

Neither of us would last. "Yes, fuck, Daddy, please," I begged.

His hips angled just right, Tony continued mercilessly railing me, holding up my weak body between his arms. I felt the cold metal of the gauntlets through my shirt. The shivers ran across my skin in heaps, like busy little ants.

"Come for Daddy," Tony ordered, yanking me closer to hit that sweet spot deep inside of me. I couldn't resist the command, feeling the waves build up with every brutal stroke, clenching, muffling the screaming of my release in the crook of his neck, relishing in the growl that left his lips as he followed me, releasing my arms and folding his torso over mine. "Fuck," Was the only coherent word that left Tony's mouth, his seed creating a sticky mess between our legs.

"Yeah," I moaned, unwilling to part from him. It was intense. My world was spinning on its axis and my Tony was the center of it. He said something again, something soft and quiet, and my only concern was to rub my nose on his pulse point, to savor and remember the smell of our shared pleasure.

"Baby..." Tony sounded... Concerned. He withdrew slowly, frowning at my sleepy state. His frown only intensified when I absentmindedly rubbed my wrists - there were bound to be some marks left from the force of his grip. It was hot and it was... A surefire way to tell the suits weren't really adapted for bedroom games. Kitchen games.

"Daddy," I mumbled, sounding sad and pathetic to my own ears. I kind of wanted to cuddle and watch a movie but it seemed weird asking that from Tony since we've done crazier things and I had never felt like this, never got this greedy.

"Oh, baby, c'mere," He had come to some sort of conclusion. After re-doing his pants and picking up the scraps of fabric that used to be my panties, his arms made a comfortable nest. I was picked up without any troubles; the gauntlets had disappeared, too, into the thin golden bracelets around his wrists. I allowed myself to play with them, the shiny colors doing a good job of distracting me all throughout the brisk walk through the main living room and the swift elevator ride.

Tony's bed was messy, unmade and smelled like us - just the way I had left it that morning. Tony's hands were gentle as he stripped me and then swiftly chucked his own clothes.

"Watcha' doin'?" I asked as he wrapped his body around mine.

"Shh, we'll talk later," He murmured, looking slightly dazed himself. "Friday, put Stardust on the TV. 25% volume," As soon as the command was spoken, one of my comfort movies began playing on the large screen. Tony's hand kept stroking my hair and I didn't resist the temptation to close my eyes, settling into a peaceful lull atop the glowing white-blue of Tony's arc reactor.

My favorite color in the world, to be honest. It felt like I'd slept for ages when I opened my eyes to see the color again. "Um, hi," I supplied meekly, feeling way out of my depths from my own strange behavior.

"Mornin', Princess," Tony seemed joyful, the bags under his eyes a little less prominent than before.

I made moves to get out of the bed but he wrapped an arm around me, tugging me closer. "What do you know about sub drop?" He questioned me, in response to my vaguely confused noises.

That's what it was?!

THE TAG LIST IS NOW OPEN! @another-stark-sub @mostly-marvel-musings  @vozit ​ @littlegasps ​ @pilloclock ​ @shereadsinquiet @downeyreads ​ @hermione-grangers-wife ​ @individualistfem ​ @sleep-i-ness @capbrie @lillsxd @agustdowney @dee-vn @justanotherblonde23 @fanngirl19 @persephonehemingway @softie-socks @schemefrenzy @letsby @cutenessloading @romeo-the-cactus @jelly-fishy-babie

[honeysucklepink]

First Lines

First lines of your last 20 fics.

Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories.  (if you have less than 20, just list them all!)  See if there are any patterns.  Choose your favorite opening line.  Then tag 10 of your favorite authors!

Okay, look...I wasn't tagged by anyone and I'm not tagging anyone, but if you see this and you are an author, do it and have fun. Don't wait to be tagged, on Tumblr or in life. Grab the thing by the balls and GO!

1. “Ugh, I feel like I was run over by a bulldozer.”

A Strong Heart and a Nerve of Steel

2. Blaine was back from curbside grocery pickup, and checked the mail.

Scenes from a Pandemic Christmas

3. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”

Be Gay, Do Crimes

4. Kurt fully intended to order a second pizza for Blaine.

Is That a Pepperoni in Your Pocket Or Are You Just Happy to See Me?

5. Blaine Anderson never expected to find himself working at the campus radio station when he went to college.

Hey Mister DJ, Put a Record On

6. "I'll never forgive you for this."

What Happened to Blaine (A Change In The Weather AU)

7. “Can I share a story? I feel like we all have a good Kurt Ambien story,” Santana started.

Side Effects May Include

8. “Category is...Femme Queen Virgin Runway!”

Category Is...

9. Small town life...once all the gifts were unwrapped and the bellies were filled, the dishwasher was humming and the kids were zonked, and the older family members started arguing politics, there was usually an escape for those who were only in town for a while.

We Drank a Toast to Innocence

10. Kurt and Blaine hadn't noticed at first when everyone stopped aging and dying.

A Name for the Winners in the World

11. The only saving grace about exam time, Blaine thought, was that somehow it made pizza taste even better.

A Crime Against Pizza

12. "Rachel! I'm home!"

My Angel Is the Centerfold

13. Kurt is just starting to prepare dinner when he hears the door to their apartment open, followed by Blaine’s voice: “Kurt I’m trying out for The Voice and you can’t talk me out of it.”

Steal Some Covers

14. Mercedes Jones didn’t know she had The Gift, at first.

Reaching Out to Touch A Stranger

15. “Well, that was the airline,”  Kurt said, putting his phone on the coffee table.

Later On, We'll Conspire

16. “But?” Kurt asked anxiously.

Somebody Loves You (note: this was an Advent fic, so I used the first line in the chapter "Anniversary" because that was written first, even though I put all the scenes in chrono order later)

17. Kurt and Blaine left Pensacola around six in the morning, with Blaine behind the wheel.

Stars Can Find Their Faces in the Sea

18. "Oh my God…what?"

No Matter What Dreams May Come (You're in Every One)

19. Kurt and Blaine had a Sunday morning tradition.

I'll Make It Like Your Birthday Everyday

20. "I’m still confused, how is this different from the old system?”

Playoffs

Patterns... I think they fall into two very distinct categories:

Scene-setting: putting the reader in the mindset, letting them know what's up. It's late Christmas night, Blaine works at a radio station, the human population became immortal overnight, Mercedes has a superpower, that kind of thing.

Quotes, usually as a set up or meeting us in the middle of a situation (and at least two are Santana). These are usually followed by a descriptive scene or a "catch-up" paragraph. The quote may be preparing us for a bunch of Ambien stories, news of a closed airport, or anywhere from a few hours to the day after some shenanigans have occured.

Favorite First Line: Well I can't take credit for 7 because that actually came from a GIF set that inspired the fic. I think it's a tie between 13 (my overdramatic entrance muffin Blaine I squish him), and 9, because you can just so clearly picture that moment during the holidays when you are ready to grab your coat and get away from the family for a few blessed hours.

[hale-13]

Euarthropoda

By Hale13

For the Summer of Whump Day 9 - Bugs

Peter enjoys visiting Tony out at the lake house - even though his mentor insists on going hiking.

Words: 1924, Chapters: 1/1 (Complete), Language: English

Fandoms: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)

Rating: Gen

Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark

Characters: Peter Parker, Tony Stark

TW: Light Discussion of Mental Health

Read on AO3 or below the line break.

“A hike?” Peter asked, his voice dubious and still heavy with sleep. Tony had dragged him out of bed at an ungodly hour to shove a homemade breakfast with all the fixings down his throat before their supposed foray into the ‘great outdoors’.

“A hike,” his mentor confirmed, putting an ungodly amount of ketchup and sriracha on his omelet, making Peter crinkle his nose in disgust. “Eat up! We want to get out there early so we aren’t out in the hottest part of the day.”

“Maybe you haven’t noticed,” Peter pointed out, talking around a mouthful of hash browns with grilled onions – it still blew him away that the Tony Stark he remembered severely burnt or set everything on fire before the Snap but now was perfectly capable of cooking a delicious meal. Wild. “But neither of us is what one might call ‘outdoorsy’,” Peter pointed out, air quotes included, adding another mound of bacon and sausage to his plate when Tony nudged the platter closer.

“Sure we are!” Tony protested. “You spend most of your day outside and I live at a lake house.”

“First of all,” Peter said imperiously, using his fork to point at this mentor and speaking with his mouth full. “Living at a lake house doesn’t mean that you’re suddenly a skilled outdoorsman. It just means that you have money. And second,” Peter continued, speaking louder over Tony’s spluttering, “I spend no time outside at all whatsoever.”

“Lies and slander,” Tony argued. “I’ve seen the logs for your suit so I know just how much you aren’t in your apartment no matter what you tell May.”

Peter threw his arms up in indignation. “Time in the suit does not equate to time spent in the wilderness! It’s climate controlled for fuck’s sake.”

“Language,” Tony admonished with a glance toward the stairs. Morgan had a penchant for creeping around to eavesdrop and had picked up lots of new… vocabulary… that she was all too pleased to teach her multitude of friends at school much to her teacher’s anger, Pepper’s embarrassed rage and Tony’s chagrin. Peter just rolled his eyes – he had super hearing, he would know if Morgan was creeping up on them. “Finish your breakfast.”

“Ugh,” Peter groaned but gave in. He knew a losing battle when he saw one – he was pretty stubborn but, if anyone could beat him out, it was Tony Stark. “Where are we even going?”

“Just around the lake,” Tony answered, spreading Nutella liberally on his toast. “It’s a few miles and I realized I hadn’t shown you the trails yet.”

Peter hummed and looked out the window where the watery light from the early morning sun was cascading over the kitchen and leaving long shadows. It was so much quieter here than the city, the only noise coming from the birds and the gentle lapping of the water from the lake onto the shore. It really was a beautiful place and, despite his verbal protests, Peter actually wasn’t that upset about spending a quiet morning walking around the shore of the lake and relaxing – it had been a rough week of Spider-Manning and he was ready for a break.

“Pete?” Tony asked, pulling him from his musings. “We don’t actually have to go if you really don’t want to. You know that right?”

“I know,” Peter reassured him. “I think I do want to.” Tony gave him a bright smile before grabbing his empty plate to put in the dishwasher.

“Go get changed,” the man said. “I’ll meet you by the dock in a few minutes once I get this put away,” he gestured to the few dirty dishes left on the table, completely empty due to Peter’s voracious metabolism.

“Sure,” Peter agreed. “I’ll do my best not to wake up Mo.”

“Oh God,” Tony groaned. “Please do. We’ll never get out of here if she wakes up.”

Peter laughed, leaving the kitchen to climb up the stairs and enter his room. It was supposed to be a warm day so he pulled on a pair of shorts and a worn out tank top along with a pair of beat up sneakers. Tony was already down by the dock when Peter made his way outside, stretching out his calves, two HydroFlasks sitting in the dirt next to him.

“Ready?” Tony asked, tossing him a bottle which Peter caught easily.

“Yep,” he agreed, stretching his own arms over his head to pop his back and release the tension in his shoulders that was a constant from all of his web-slinging. Tony set an easy pace, following the dirt trail around the lake and Peter fell into step next to him, their conversation light and lulling into comfortable silence in some places as they hiked, just taking in the scenery.

The area truly was stunning; an uncovered gem that Tony had been lucky to find. Land like this didn’t sit around unoccupied for long in the upstate area and Peter could see himself – one da, hopefully – retiring somewhere similar. Maybe Tony would let him build a house out here someday, he was certainly developing a taste for peace and quiet.

“May said you’d had a tough week,” Tony finally brought up lightly, confirming Peter’s suspicions for the alone time away from curious and meddling ears. The two were the absolute worst gossips at their bi-weekly co-parenting lunches – Peter was just lucky Happy hadn’t started joining them since he and May had started dating. Peter wouldn’t get away with anything if all three of them were involved.

Peter mulled the question over for a few minutes before shrugging, deciding to try for nonchalant. “It wasn’t great but I’m okay,” he finally conceded, voice carefully light.

“You can talk to me Webs,” Tony said carefully, his tone neutral. “If anyone knows what this business is like its me.”

They continued in silence for a minute more before Peter stopped in the path and leaned against one of the trees overlooking the lake, watching a Great Blue Heron wade in the shallows a few hundred feet from them pursuing its next meal. “I lost somebody,” he ground out. “I was right there and I’d already webbed up the bad guy but I guess one of his arms was free enough to still aim and fire his gun and…” Peter sniffed, eyes dry but stinging.

Tony sighed but didn’t offer any platitudes. “It sucks and it’s not fair,” he agreed, reaching out a hand to squeeze Peter’s shoulder quickly in solidarity. “And its going to happen again; all that matters is how you handle it. How are you handling it?”

“Mostly by punching a brick wall until I break my knuckles,” Peter admitted, carefully not looking at his mentor’s facial expression which he knew would be disapproving – Tony wasn’t really a fan of Peter’s penchant for using pain and violence to work through his emotions. He held up his right hand though, allowing the man to inspect the unmarred skin and healed bones without protest knowing he would be fighting a losing battle.

“I think we should talk about healthy coping mechanisms again,” Tony joked without humor. “Because this isn’t it.”

“I know,” Peter admitted.

“You give any more thought to my offer?” And Peter had. After the ‘Blip’ both Tony and May had tried to talk Peter into seeing one of the therapists the Avengers had on retainer. His identity would remain secure and he could vent and develop healthy coping mechanisms. Work through some of the issues he knew that he was repressing. Figure out how to deal with the PTSD WebMD told him he had. He had refused them a couple times over the months he had been back but now…

“I‘ve thought about it,” he admitted.

“And?” Tony asked, voice patient but with a hopeful undercurrent he couldn’t quite hide.

“I’ll try it,” Peter agreed, grunting in surprise when Tony pulled him into a firm hug that Peter leaned into, returning it with equal force and closing his eyes to rest his forehead on Tony’s flesh shoulder, tension he didn’t know he was carrying releasing from his muscles.

“I’m so proud of you kiddo,” the man whispered into his ear and Peter felt a watery smile pull up his cheekbones.

“Thanks,” he said as he pulled back to meet Tony’s eyes only for his mentor to be looking at Peter’s shoulder instead of his face. Peter knit his brows in confusion. “Tony?”

“Hold still Pete,” he said, gesturing to Peter’s shoulder. “Got a little wolf spider on you. I’ll get it.”

“A WHAT!” Peter screeched, jumping backwards and yanking his tank top off, ripping it to shreds and tossing it before running his hands over his arms, hair standing on end and skin crawling like he was covered in bugs.

“Uh,” Tony said, looking caught between laughter and confusion. “You okay bud?”

“I HATE spiders,” Peter said, shuddering and climbing halfway up the tree behind him to get away from his shirt on the ground and the arachnid that may still be in it. He was taking no chances. “Aren’t you going to kill it?”

“Kill it?” Tony asked faintly before letting out a snort. “Hate to break it to you Pete, but we’re in his territory not the other way around.”

“He lost the chance to live when he climbed on me,” Peter spat out venomously, eyes still locked on the shirt. He wasn’t letting the little bastard escape. “Can you please just kill it?”

“Pretty sure you flung him halfway to the city already,” Tony choked out around his laughter, picking up Peter’s discarded shirt and shaking it out to check it. “Think your shirt is toast.”

“You’re sure its gone?” Peter asked suspiciously, still perched on the trunk of the tree and feeling over his arms to make sure it wasn’t still on him.

“Yes Peter, Christ. Can you get down from there?” Peter narrowed his eyes but dropped back to the ground, scanning the area nervously. His Spidey sense was tingling uncomfortably from the adrenaline that was working its way through his system. Tony looked him over for a second to make sure he was okay before letting out a snort and then bursting into laughter. “Spider-Man afraid of spiders. Oh this is good!”

“Yeah yeah,” Peter grumbled, crossing his arms over his bare chest and feeling his cheeks heat up. “Laugh it up.”

“Aw its okay buddy!” Tony said, draping his arm around Peter’s shoulders and pulling him back down the path toward the cabin. “We all have at least one irrational fear. Say,” he said, voice teasing, “does May kill them all for you at home?”

“Hell no!” Peter said, shaking his head. “She’s worse than me – Ben always had to handle the various vermin that would come in the apartment uninvited.”

“So what do you two do? Go ask a neighbor?” Tony teased, lightly elbowing Peter in the ribs and causing him to scowl. “Scream until someone comes running? Call Happy?”

“We just… leave. You know, let it do it’s thing. Then we come home and are just really uncomfortable for a few days,” he said squirming a little in discomfort at the thought.

Tony let out a bark of bright laughter, pulling Peter into a side hug. “We can work on something to help you with that later in the lab I think.”

“Please,” Peter agreed in pure relief, following along back towards the house and keeping a weary eye on his surroundings… just in case.

[jbbuckybarnes]

Spiral of Feelings - 1/5

Pairing: Bucky x Reader AU: Fake Dating AU Description: Natasha makes you feel bad about being single and how your apartment looks. Sam and Steve annoy Bucky about dating. Seems only fair that you both fake it to show them that it doesn’t make a difference. But what if it does? Warnings: Judgemental friends, shaming for being single. Absolutely not proofread and written half a year ago, lol.

Masterlist // Spiral of Feelings Masterlist

“God, you really need to get your life together, honey!” Natasha said with a judging face at you and then your giant pile of laundry and trash. “Nat! I live how I want and right now I have enough to do at the compound!” You said with your hands on your hips. “If you wouldn’t procrastinate either so much you might even have free time.” She smirked. “Why do you have to be so nosy about it?” “Don’t know, but I feel like you need a relationship to get the personal part of your life back on track again. Your own motivation doesn’t seem to be enough.” She chuckled and you gaped at her offended. She knew why you weren’t dating. You wanted to concentrate on your career and your evening Netflix ritual. That just came with less housework getting done. “Buck! You need to get outside of this apartment more and actually live like a normal human being would!” Steve looked at him with a frown. “Steve, I genuinely couldn’t care less about 90% of people out there compared to the ones in my books and the ones I met online. Let me be,” he grumbled back. “C’mon, you need to at least TRY to get a girl again, doesn’t need to be a relationship.” Sam raised a brow. “And I’d like to not listen to your advice for the rest of my life but here we are.” “Bucky? At least try to...I don’t know, find a girl online and meet up with her?” He suggested. “Do you leave me alone if I have a goddamn date?” Bucky dipped his head to the side. “Yeah.” Both of them rolled their eyes. “Okay, I’ll do that so you idiots stop being so nosy.” He nodded and the two men were at least a little bit relaxed about their friend after that. If he was going to do it this time? They were kinda sure he wouldn’t.

“Stop constantly telling me I need a date like we don’t live in a world where girls can be happy and single,” you grumbled and peaked Bucky’s attention. “I’m just saying, your life might be more balanced that way.” Nat shrugged. She was on this weird trip for a while now after reading some books on relationships and dating more herself. “You constantly reminding me of being single makes me feel more like I’m lesser than anyone just cause I don’t juggle my household stuff perfectly. It’s fucking disrespectful,” you hissed and Bucky stepped in. “What’s going on here?” He looked between the both of you a few times. “Nothing,” Nat mumbled and went to the common room while you needed to calm down from being so provocated by her. “Hey, you okay?” Bucky looked down at you. “Yeah, just sick of friends constantly telling me I need a relationship for everything to be better. That’s bullshit,” you mumbled. “I feel you. Steve and Sam are the most annoying idiots ever about it.” He rolled his eyes. “Oh?” You looked up. “What?” He smirked. You dragged him into your apartment in the compound. “Ignore the mess and listen to my idea,” You looked at him in the middle of your apartment. He couldn’t not look, so he eyed your pile of laundry and grinned internally. “We could fake date and silence them all. Show them it doesn’t make a damn difference. Dumb idea, but might work. Unless that stuff makes you uncomfortable. Just a random thought.” He thought about it for a moment, internally playing all the scenarios and if Steve would believe him, “That could actually work. Maybe they finally shut up for once.” “You gonna take me out on a ‘date’?” You asked making air quotes. “Is that code for going to Waffle House without the others?” He grinned and you nodded. “You can bet it is.” ******* “You joining movie night later?” Wanda asked while emptying the dishwasher. “Nah, I’m out with Bucky,” you said as nonchalantly as possible. “Oh? Like a date or…?” She smiled softly. “I think, yeah,” you said looking down to the counter. “Cute, where are you going?” “I have no idea. He just said it’s going to be sweet food.” you shrugged like you didn’t know a thing. “I’m so happy for you.” She grinned before hugging you. “Thanks, Wan.” “Are you ready, darling?” He asked knocking at your door. Having acting skills for missions was finally helping in actual life. “One second!” You called out while grabbing your jacket and gum. You opened the door and didn’t expect him to stand so close in front of it and almost ran into him. “You ready for unhealthy amounts of food?” He grinned down and winked before grabbing your hand while you walked past the common area. “Have fun!” Wanda yelled out. “God, finally nobody bothering me anymore.” You breathed out and heard a chuckle. “I’m not bothering you?” “Not when there is food and jokes involved.” You grinned up at him, not letting go of his hand. You really enjoyed the whole hand-holding part and not freezing to death in the fall temperatures that were slowly declining. “Already having a plan what you want?” “Caramel, cinnamon & marshmallows.” You smiled content. “Sounds like a plan, darling.” He let go of your hand and put an arm around you while walking into the place. “And while we’re here we can plot all of this out, right? Needs to work so they get off my ass.” You chuckled before both of you ordered your food. “Tons of cute pictures on our dates and around our apartments.” He deadpanned and referred to the new standards couples had nowadays. “And little videos,” you giggled while filming your food and then up at him and capturing him smiling and shaking his head with a huff. “Nicknames?” You asked after putting your phone to the side. “Hm, maybe...Darling? Sugar? Doll? Princess?” He started counting. You shivered, “Please don’t call me doll, I connect too many bad things to that from other languages.” He nodded, understanding that it sounded like a sexist insult in a lot of other languages. “And for you? Honey? Cinnamon? Muffin? Bucky Bear?” You grinned and got another one of his headshake smiles. “Why are all of them food except for one?” He squinted with a shimmer in his eyes. “Cause you’re a snack?” You said snorting at your own joke. “Guess I’ll have to accept that.” He grinned with a shrug. “Yeah, those were the only non-sexual ones that I could come up with, so you’ll have to live with them.” “So…” He got your attention again, “How are we going to do this?” “I don’t know. Just be close together when we are around them, a few kisses and pet names here and there, at some point starting to sleep in each other’s apartment. Stuff like that. It’s just to prove them wrong. Maybe a month or two?” you suggested to him and it hit him that he would have to kiss you and maybe that hit him a little different to how he expected it. “Yeah, okay, sounds reasonable,” he mumbled before digging back into his food, just to be attacked with your phone taking pictures. “At least come over here and take actual selfies with me, you little shit.” He grinned and you did as he suggested. Smiling, grimaces, cuddly, kiss on the cheek. “Hmm, gonna edit these and send them to you so you can make them your phone background.” You hummed with a smile down at them, not really realizing that he was still smiling at you.

[editorialsonlife]

Well

Welp, feeling like doing an update because there's been a lot going on to be honest. its one of those weird dichotomies where every day feels like an eternity and there's so much going on and then you look back and you're like oh, ok its just my brain making it difficult and making things take forever but anyway.

LOCKDOOOOOOOWWWWWWNNNNNNN

Lockdown life was good, apart from being thrust into it so suddenly dave left a banana on his desk. Wasn't great to come back to after 5 weeks out of the office - mummified mouldy banana!! Classic. We luckily got our first jab before lockdown started so that was good, and we were reasonably well stocked up on food and were generally a lot healthier this lockdown that last. honestly, there's a level of chill and serenity in lockdown that i just love. the ability to set my own schedule and only work the hours I actually work to get the job done? Amazing. getting 8.5 hours of sleep each night without having to wake to an alarm blaring? AMAZING. getting to go for walks every afternoon? SO FLIPPING GOOD. I love it so much, I really really do. I need this to be my life permanently.

WORK

Work is just ongoing and draining and honestly, coming back to the office was so fucking stressful and it was only one day. Being at home is just the fucking bomb. Pending home decisions, I wanna go contracting I think, but also ideally two part time contracts to have more flexibility? I dunno. You'd think a big 4 would provide variety but it really doesn't and honestly, with Richie leaving, wellington is just a sinking ship. Sean's off on parental leave, Kirstyn is down to four days a week, ben will be gone if he doesn't get promoted (and I don't think he will be tbh). Jack is just muddling along, Nigel wants to swap to consulting as well, Matt's going to be a shit leader in terms of bringing in work so it's just not going to work. and in our wider group it's going to get even more messy with heaps of the analysts leaving and a couple of senior hires too. so I think it's probably time to jump ship in general, pending the home stuff below. Also, coming back after a break again, I'm like, I don't actually like a lot of you? All the people I enjoy here are in other teams and groups, and I'll be sad to leave you all, but like, not enough to stay anyway lol.

Pending the home below, two options are to just going and get a job with a $30k payrise to make up for the maternity leave benefits I'm gunna leave behind when I leave this role - 18 weeks full pay, $100 a week for the first year back and a full year of maternity leave. It's basically 30k post tax which is a bit nuts to walk away from to be honest.

Otherwise the other option is to go contracting. Less security overall but holy shit so much money. If I went in as a project coordinator at the lowest rate to build up a bit of a portfolio I'd need to work 40 weeks of 40 hr weeks and Id basically match my current salary plus the lost family leave benefits and still qualify for govt maternity leave payments. Realistically I could go in as a project manager for $140 an hour ($60 more an hour than the above math) and absolutely smash it at that level as well so ya know, there's a bunch of other info. I like the idea of the flexibility of it and only having 6 months even if its a shitshow and beign able to walk away at the end of it. I really don't want to get a govt job and this is a v govt town which is fine but also, if I can avoid it that would be great. I just know I'm not gunna thrive in that environment.

Need to talk to Dave to get him across the line on the security issue part of that though. I've mostly come a long way in terms of my financial management (thanks YNAB) so I think he'd be ok with it mostly.

So there's a lot to toss up there because......

HOME

We got the reno plans done during lockdown, finally. which was super good. but holy fkn jesus $$$$$$ ++++++++++. The guy is coming around for the final quote on Thursday. We indicatively said $100k total because we're doing kitchen laundry bathroom and toilet. so only the most expensive rooms and when I was talking to him last week he said 'that might cover it' and they're seeing cost escalations of 7-10% a week which is just insane. we're not doing anything structural apart from putting in a cavity slider in the bathroom, and the quote they'll give us won't include flooring since they won't do it.

Meanwhile, the prefab homes I were looking at for our site were $425k fully done. Like, I'm not going to spend $130K on doing up my 1940s ex state house ya know? That's not good cost benefit ratio.

So depending on what that comes out at on thursday we'll be able to make some plans.

We also want to start trying for kids next year and need these renos done first - I am not having kids and no dishwasher lol.

Also we need bank financing so good to be in a permanent stable job for that application. the good thing is we have so much equity we know we can borrow whatever we need, I just don't want to spend that much money on it because it's fkn ridiculous. and if I'm going on maternity leave we need to be able to cover it all on dave's salary and whatever benefits I have as well so there;s a lot of financial planning and spreadsheeting going on at the moment lol. it's fab.

either way. we've got plenty of options up our sleeve. we've got friends who's brother owns a building company so we can talk to them, we've got the garage so we can get things prefabricated even if they're not installed til next year, Dave can get shit at cost through his work for whiteware, there;s plenty of things to like cost control we can do, we just need to know where we're starting from basically. thats the challenging part. but we'll figure it out, its just taking longer than I want it to basically.

We also planted up the vege garden for the spring/summer which was lovely, super jazzed about that. we've finally got the garden to a reasonably low maintenance level where everything is mostly under control and it's such a relief, honestly.

PERSONAL

Man what a shift to lockdown last year honestly. I think the last 8 weeks in particular has just been like, a massive reality check of how absolutely shit the last year was and how fucking glad I am to be rid of it. I spent a week absolutely spiralling 2 weeks ago now and honestly, I don't know how I lived in the state for more than a year. I actually don't know how I did it. and I could not be more glad that I'm finally on the other side of it, for the most part. There's still a bunch of other stuff to work through (hahahahahaha when is there not like damn) but fucking hell its nice to just not be anxious and nauseous and wound up constantly. life is actually accessible. miracle.

My workmate had his bebe - I went round and got newborn cuddles and was like, oh, is this what it is to be clucky? this is odd. so there's that as well. I think we'll probably start trying next year pending renos and jobs etc. If the renos can be done in jan I'll prob just stick it at the job to get the benefits but I dunno. it's a tough call to make really. we shall see. This all assumes we get knocked up without any issues which is questionable these days. I really want to feel healthier before getting pregnant as well, and part of that is losing weight. however, given discussing that is what triggered the spiral we're working on that one slowly.

Also, lets have a moment for counselling, because fkn bless anne and all her hard work honestly. I actually ended up emailing her being like, I;m losing my shit on the monday and then talked to her on thursday. And its so funny because it's such a counselling thing but I didn't realise until afterwards what she'd done but she was like you're clearly not doing well and then the night before dave got a fkn miserable migraine and he was up for like, 2 hrs powerchucking except he didn't make it to the bathroom in time so guess who was cleaning up vomit at 130am trying not to chuck herself but I digress. anyway, not doing well, couldn't even explain why, didn't even have words and super tired and she's like, what lynaire up to this week how's she going with izzy and chat about that and then be like how are you feeling about your body and then 5 more mins of chat about the cat and the chickens and then like bam hard question and then hows it going with x and y and z and its like, it wasn't til I was on my walk afterwards when I FINALLY started feeling marginally better I was like damn woman work your magic for figuring it out for me and helping me reregulate. all over the phone as well since we were still in lockdown. GREAT WORK FRIEND.

and then last week was like totally fucked theoretical discussion about religion and the role it's played in my life and fate vs free will and all this nutty shit but genuinely just a great discussion. She's the best and I love her. thank good for good counsellors. thank god I can afford to pay for it honestly.

Dave and I are just chugging along, god bless that man. I love him. its amazing. I miss having friends close by but understand why they had to move (boooooo f u house prices). Family is pretty chill, still not really talking to dave's parents which is nightmarish but we'll deal with that when we need to. gunna have to go and visit them at some point coz dave misses them and I feel for him, I really do. It's the whole boundaries renegotiation I went through with my family last year post wedding blow up and its just not a fun place to be. oh well. can't fix it for him but also I'm not putting up with that level of BS from either of our families once we have children. not gunna happen.

Either way, life is busy and full and fun and I'm enjoying it. Daylight savings starts this weekend too, its october next week WTF and I'm just waiting for 4pm to find out what's gunna happen to our girls trip. Clearly we cancelled our sept trip to christchurch and akaroa and hanmer springs so my covid travel curse continues. fkn ridic. Still dunno what we're gunna do with $2500 of flight credits coz if we get knocked up theres def no international trips happening any time soon.

thus concludes the almost 2000 word write up of life. hope you've enjoyed it. I'll throw up some pics in a separate post if people care about reno plans. such a good time!

[purplesurveys]

1273

What was the longest time you’ve had the hiccups for?  Maybe for half an hour? Mine are never that bad.

What type of TV shows are your favourite?  Not a big TV show type of person to begin with since it seems as if my attention span wasn’t built for once-a-week, season-breaks kind of content haha. I do like sitcoms, I guess...bite-sized ones like Friends, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, The Big Bang Theory, etc. Drama shows I’d bite into if the plot is extremely intriguing to me or relevant to my interests, like The Crown or Breaking Bad.

Have you ever been a complete fangirl/fanboy over anything?  I was before then I wasn’t for a very long time, then I came back just recently with this BTS shit I got myself into.

Do you know anyone who has died in battle?  Hmm. I don’t think so. My great-grandpa lived a few more decades after the war.

When was the last time you went on an adventure?  July. My friends and I spent the whole day driving around and stopping by sooo many spots around the metro. It was a lot of fun and we were fucking b e a t after.

What brand is your vacuum cleaner?  I dunno. My mom mainly uses ours.

Are you good at rapping?  I have a number of songs and verses memorized that I can recite quite okay, but I can’t write any of my own.

Name one world issue that upsets you.  Racism.

How do you feel about tanning?  I never saw the the big deal. I will say tanning beds and salons are such a culture shock to me, though. Are some people really that obsessed with modifying their skin tone?

Have you ever given a public speech? Hmm, just the one time I was entered into a public speaking competition and was given a topic to talk about on the spot. That was honestly a lot of fun and I wish there were more opportunities to do that exact same thing.

Do you read comic books?  No. I tried getting into that whole thing, but didn’t see the appeal.

Do you force your way into conversations in which you are not involved?  Not always but if I’m starting to feel left out or awkward, I will start to ask a question here and there to ease my way into the conversation. But if the topic is clearly none of my business then I do stay out of the way.

Kiss with your eyes open or closed?  Closed.

Do you believe you can change someone?  This isn’t a black and white matter, I think. The idea of changing a person can have a lot of layers; in my org, for instance, I got to pick up a few quirks and behaviors from my friends just by being around them for a long time – in that sense, I changed. But you can also strive to change someone who’s struggling and try to make them become happy, which I tried to do with my ex – which of course I learned the hard way that you can’t change someone if in that context.

How did you react when your first pet died?  I was bummed out but didn’t throw a fit.

Have you ever drawn anime?  No.

Can you use a pogo stick?  I’ve never even seen one in real life. I’m dying to try it out just once.

When’s the next time you’ll see the person that you like?  I don’t like anybodyyy.

Do you like bathing/showering?  I mean...yes? Like I’m not obsessed with showering, but it’s a necessity that I have to regularly do anyway lmao.

Have you ever considered entering a race?  Sure! Just give me a couple of weeks to practice because my endurance and stamina are embarrassing.

Rihanna or Lady Gaga?  Rihanna.

Who was your first good kiss with?  My ex.

What accessory do you want in your bedroom?  SHELVES

What do you take the most pictures of?  My experiences.

What are you always in the mood for?  Starbuuuuuuckssssssss.

What is something that you never turn down?  A day out with friends. I’ll always make time. What is something that you always turn down when offered?  Food, if I’m a guest at someone else’s place.

Name something sexy about your significant other.  I don’t have any.

What is one of your hobbies that you refuse to give up?  Surveys, I guess. I enjoy them too much and have been doing them for nearly a decade.

If you could be a professional in any sport what would it be?  Tennis.

If you could be a professional at any instrument what would it be?  PIANO.

Would you rather be a surgeon or mortician?  Surgeon. I would be too terrified seeing dead people, anyway.

Have you ever been on a subway? Nope.

Are you in love?  No.

Do you like having your lip softly bitten when you’re kissing?  Sure. Softly, roughly...both are fine hahaha.

Do you want to get married when you’re older?  I hope so. I want my turn, too.

What was the last band shirt you wore?  Eh, I don’t own any. I wore a fanmade V-themed shirt yesterday, if that counts.

You can have a milkshake right now. What flavor do you choose?  OMGGGG that sounds so fucking good rn. Chocolate chip cookie dough.

Have you ever given someone flowers?  Mhm, I used to give my ex bouquets whenever it was our anniversary.

What day of the week is usually your busiest day?  Monday like 98% of the time, so I hate them. It ultimately varies, though. Sometimes some days are a hell of a lot more hectic than others.

Do you have any concerts coming up? I mean...obviously not.

Do you like or hate the smell of fish?  Oh yessssssss. The smell of seafood/ocean always makes me fucking drool.

What’s your favorite brand of chips?  Pringles, or this local brand of salted egg chips that I love to get.

Have you ever written a poem and then read it aloud?  Yeah, once. We had to write a poem as our homework and my teacher picked out a couple that he thought were the best-written, and one of them was mine even though I still firmly believe I did a shit job.

Do you like pineapple?  Oh god no. One of the worse fruits I’ve had.

Does your house have a dishwasher?  No. It seems to be just a Western thing.

Do you know anyone who has a flower tattoo?  I probably do, but I just can’t give you a lineup of names. Flower tattoos seem to be trendy these days, especially in the line style.

How many different languages can you say goodbye in?  So I have goodbye, paalam, 안녕히 가세요, adios, auf wiedersehen, sayonara, au revoir...so that’s 7.

Agree or disagree: You like Adam Sandler movies.  Ummmm definitely childish and I can feel that the humor tries so hard sometimes but I do enjoy some of his movies, like 50 First Dates. 

Have you ever had to get a tooth pulled? If so, what for?  Yeah, I mentioned this on a previous survey.

Have you ever dated anyone while they were in jail?  No, I’ve never dated anyone who’s been imprisoned.

If you’ve ever babysat, do you like it?  I ‘babysat,’ but technically all eldest Asian daughters are expected to look out for their younger siblings and cousins anyway. I didn’t actively enjoy it, but sure, it was fun playing with them and it’s always nice to be viewed as responsible.

What is your favorite flavor on sunflower seeds?  I don’t eat sunflower seeds. I don’t dislike them, I just really never seek them out.

Do you get cold easily?  Yes.

Do you get a lot of spiders in your house?  Hmm no. If we do get visited they are almost always too small to be seen.

Do you admire nature?  Yeah, I try to be around it as often as I can.

Name one naughty thing you’ve done.  Had sex while a few people were in the same room. I pay for it now hahaha; those friends who had the misfortune to be in that situation have never let me live it down and it’s one of their go-to stories when I’m being introduced to new friends.

Name two of your favorite things as a child.  I loved everything Bratz. I also liked Play-Doh.

Do you own a Pillow Pet?  No, I’ve never even heard of that.

Do you tend to solve problems with violence?  Never.

Have either of your parents gone to jail?  Nope.

Do you know a hoarder?  I heard my grandma had been one, but I didn’t see traces of it when I used to visit her. I guess she had been when she was younger and stronger. I show traces of hoarding too, but I don’t think it’s at a concerning level; I literally just threw out a bunch of shit in my room I’ve hoarded over the last five or so years.

Do you wax, pluck, or leave your eyebrows?  I don’t touch them; I’m never all that worried about my appearance. On very rare instances, I will shave some of the excess hair off. Do you have any interesting scar stories?  None of them are interesting tbh, just results of my own stupidity.

Do you hate the texture of meatballs?  I don’t hate their texture but I also just don’t enjoy meatballs in general. I find them boring, which has always led me to think if they’re really supposed to be just boring clumps of meat or if I’ve just always been served average meatballs.

Do you get migraines? Yes, I usually get one after work. They’ve decreased in frequency now but one will drop by every now and then to give me a shit time.

Do you like guns?  No.

Are turtles amazing creatures? All animals are. :') < Yes! Except cockroaches.

How much time do you spend taking surveys?  I dedicate an hour or so every weekend. I often wish I can allot more time, but I also have other hobbies and interests I would usually want to catch up on during the weekends. 48 hours is just too short :(

Would you rather visit: The Eiffel Tower or Egyptian Pyramids? Pyramids, in a heartbeat. I wouldn’t even need to think about it.

Would you like to work at a candy shop?  Uh no. If I had to, it would be on the back-end, maybe in the corporate side of things lol.

Do you have feelings for someone?  Nope.

Which one of your guy friends is the best looking?  JM.

Do you have anything to say to your ex bf/gf?  No.

Which band do you have the most of on your iPod/music player?  I don’t use music players anymore but my Spotify always reminds me of how much I listen to BTS whenever they do one of their quirky listening habit reports lol.

Which song describes your mood at the moment?  I want to go with RM’s Bicycle just because I’m feeling quite content and relaxed at the moment.

Which movie(s) do you quote the most?  Eh, I’m not a big movie quoter.

Which one of your best friend’s friends would you most likely date?  I honestly don’t see any of them as date-able.

Would you ever let anybody else drive your car?  Sure. I’ve let Hans and Gab drive it countless times when I’ve had too much to drink. It’s a small car and is fairly easy to use and navigate. I would let Anj use it too at some point, but I want her to perfect her u-turns first hahahaha.

Which one of your friends will be the most successful?  It’s already one of my friends to begin with but I’m not naming names. They come from a privileged background to begin with and their godfather already handed one of his companies down to them, so. They were also told the CEO position is already a sure slot for them.

What store did you last shop at?  I wanna say NCAT, this Korean-themed store that sells trinkets and jewelries and plushies and stuff. They also sell BTS albums so Anj and I dropped by to check out and touch all the albums we can’t afford yet HAHA

Do you think telepathy is real?  No.

When did you last draw something for fun?  Last Saturday when I played an online drawing/guessing game with my uncles and aunts.

Who makes the most in your entire family?  My dad.

Do you like writing essays?  I love essays, it’s my favorite writing piece to make.

Do you think plastic surgery is no big deal?  It turns into one when it gets obsessive, like when people get excessive plastic surgeries specifically to look like another person. I’m looking at you, fucking Oli London.

Do you take your trash to the dump or have it picked up?  It’s picked up.

When you sneeze do you sneeze into your shirt or your hands?  I look away and just sneeze. Sometimes I’ll put up my elbow.

Do you usually have sex in the morning, noon or night time? Erm, I usually had it at night. I only had morning sex when we would spend the night; and I nearly never had noon sex.

Did you ever fail your learners/drivers test?  No.

Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne?  Gun to my head, Lil Wayne.

Name someone you’ve become a lot closer to recently:  Reena!!! I’m so grateful Angela introduced us to each other :) We both tend to get shy so we don’t actually actively get chatty when we see each other irl, but I love her presence and I love that she is my friend. I make up for it by being super friendly and wacky in our group chat haha. Does your car have a sunroof?  No. We used to have a car that did, but we had to sell that during the peak of the pandemic.

Are you closer to your mom or your dad?  Dad.

Have you ever had a friend with benefits? No.

Who’s the last person you cuddled with?  My ex.

Are you friends with any of your teachers on Facebook?  Yeup.