#oh boy im suffering
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Finished the main story of Final Fantasy XV! :)
Also played through Episode Gladio and playing through Episode Ignis atm :)
#final fantasy 15#final fantasy xv#oh boy im in pain :)#last time i cried this much over a game was either xenoblade 3 or crisis core i cant remember when they came out#literally it was just me sobbing at 'walk tall my friends' and then eventually being okay-ish#and then i just kept crying lmao#'you guys are the best'? stand by me?#man just kill me itll cause less pain#i have my take for it all and honestly? i think the six fucked up and had someone else fix their mistakes#might stay up tonight to finish ep iggy and then ep prom and MAYBE ep Ardyn#also have the book to read...#oh boy im suffering#anyway this game is one of my top games tbf#although dont ask me if o prefer this or FF7 because theyre too different to compare
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mmmmmm read a disciple shen yuan/shizun luo binghe fanfic about two days ago where the first chapter was the Immortal Conference arc, and SQQ was the one who had to be pushed into the abyss (he was still the villain) except Luo Binghe was refusing and was like, lowkey losing his mind about SQQ being so close to the edge. SQQ ended up having to be the one to fall in himself because of the system's punishment system. The rest of the fic is leading up to that moment. But like, MMM i've been obsessively thinking about that first chapter for DAYS ever since.
now i've been in svsss for a grand total of *checks watch* a week. but god obsessed with that. I want to write/read a fic where disciple SQQ goes a little nuts down there. Like keep all of the things that make SQQ, SQQ, but just. Throw in a little bit more trauma in there. A little bit of a mental break. Let him go a little nuts as a treat. Just a tad unhinged. I wanna see him go, just a little, "god fuck it, i've tried so hard to change this shitty story's outcome and it feels like everything i've done has been for nothing. I'm going to die in this world no matter what I do, I've been doomed from the start, so might as well die the way I want to." and he just, breaks a little! Under all the stress.
He still retains the traits that makes shen yuan, shen yuan, like his overwhelming kindness. But he's just! yk. A little less patient. Paranoid. Jumpy. Colder. A little more aloof and closed off. A little more Shen Jiu. He's no asshole child abuser, but he was a Number One Hater in his past life and he's leaning into that old habit a little more now.
(On a totally coincidental not-at-all related note, there's not enough SJ-and-SY-are-the-same-people fics out there that i've found. This is totally unrelated...)
The Endless Abyss turns the mind into an over-sharpened blade, and SQQ is both fascinated and perhaps a little excited to explore a place that doesn't have a lot of info on it in the mortal realm, but still terrified out of his mind. And he's no Luo Binghe, he doesn't have the sheer brute strength and power to just bulldoze his way through, so he has to be a lot more sneaky and cunning if he wants to survive.
The fic itself role-swapped LBH and SQQ so that SQQ was the half-demon (which lowkey fucks) and LBH the human, but I'm equally-if-not-more obsessed with the idea that LBH remains the half-heavenly demon and SQQ the human. If only because I keep thinking about SQQ befriending some demons (particularly and specifically a group of succubi) and they grow very attached to this Human Cultivator so through magic plot stuff they create some kind of seal/illusion/talisman that makes SQQ appear as a demon because a human cultivator in the endless abyss may as well be the equivalent of putting a giant neon target on your back.
And iirc Shen Jiu was taught demonic cultivation by that one guy(?? i've only been here a week so im not caught up in ALL of the lore yet) so that could totally happen here.
(On the other end of the realms, poor Shizun Luo Binghe is just. losing his fucking mind over losing his most precious and beloved disciple. About .5 seconds from burning down the peaks himself. somebody sedate him.)
The Endless Abyss sucks and SQQ is having a really terrible time and can feel himself going lowkey mad, but also holy shit look at all this WORLD-BUILDING. look at all this flora and fauna, and oh if he had the equipment for it he'd be writing all of this down. ALL OF IT. He was kinda-sorta-already planning on never leaving the Abyss as some sort of fucked up self-exile and self-preservation thing, but now he might? actually just?? never leave if he can help it, like he lowkey likes it down here.
anyways the next time anyone ever sees SQQ again he's got hair so long its almost touching the ground and he's either in rags and half-feral or he's been completely dolled up by his adoptive succubi sisters and still about three seconds from biting anyone who tries to touch him. (he's also lowkey trying to book it back down to the abyss even if he has desperately missed all of his friends and shizun)
#mxtx svsss#svsss au#scum villian self saving system#shen qingqiu#shen yuan#luo binghe#disciple shen yuan#scum villain#svsss#*points at SQQ/SY* i want him to go nuts. as a treat. let him crumble just a little over the stress of his fate and the stress of survival#and the stress of having a lack of autonomy over a handful of his decisions. starry craves angst and she craves a very specific SQQ angst#he was a number 1 hater back in the day and lbr being a hater takes energyyyy. ive heard that this man was the BIGGEST hater i wanna#see him rip a man to shreds with nothing but his tongue and a voice that could cut marble clean in half. skin a man alive sqq you deserve i#*mortal kombat voice* FINISH HIM#i love without-a-cure but unfortunately i dont think SQQ would be able to have WAC and also survive in the abyss.#the succubi nest that adopted him tried seducing him at first. it didn't work. but he did somehow charm them with his cringefail ways#so now they have a brand new mortal big/little brother to dote on. SQQ is frankly delighted to learn all about succubi culture that doesnt#revolve around sex. he makes quite a few friends/allies in the abyss because of his pure fascination and unbiased desire to learn about#demonic culture and all the different niches and nuances of it across species. he's still going insane tho. like that's not stopping.#there's a single LBH pov chapter in the fic and its frankly so unhinged it was fantastic. he's so possessive. he straight up goes:#'oh SQQ isnt gonna be the next peak lord. he's ascending to heaven with me when i do :)' when Sha Hualing (also peak lord) told him that he#couldn't keep his disciple in the bamboo house all the time. what was SQQ gonna do when LBH ascends and he becomes the new peak lord?#gosh that first chapter is rotating around in my mind so bad. LBH was SO unwell. like losing his actual shit over SQQ near the edge.#i so want to write a oneshot abt this where SQQ is also in hysterics (albeit over slightly diff reasons) and tells LBH on his knees:#'this disciple deeply apologizes to his shizun. for he will not be ascending to the heavens with him.' right before he falls into the abyss#this au being disciple SY is for shits and giggles but i can also see it happening for regular SQQ bc 'fuck it im a dead man either way'#frothing at the mouth at this idea also being a SY-is-SJ au too. for the extra angst of SQQ trying to bear the weight of multiple lives on#his shoulders and trying to figure out what is real and what isn't and if he's meant to suffer in all of his lives no matter what he does.#not once in his life has he ever been free to do what he likes has he? self-hatred to the max. he's going mad. poor boy :]
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she red on my stoner until the red sun never sets IT NEVER SETS I AHVENT SLEPT
#just some doodle ideas of redstoner yk how it iss#idk hair tho ill prilly change it#but i was thinking about him & thought OH BOY what if his derpy eyes were bc of goggles#?? then got carried away but not 2 much#i dont reeeeeeeaaaaaallllllllyyyyyy like this design all 2 much but it is my 1st doodle#i started rewatching it…. i havent watched this since i was in @ least middle school#im getting flashbacks from me pausing 2 read the trxt like HELP#does any1 even care about redstoner?? hello… HELLO??#im thinking back on it & this might b the 1st like edgy angsty minecraft rp thing i got in2#FUCKING REDSTONER IS MY FOUNDATION & ITS GOOD#i love u redstoners#redstoner#i dont wanna put this in the ross tag tbh IDEK IF THERE IS 1#uhhh#yourpalross#mcyt#puppee art#get me out of the minecraft hole pls some1 save me#if im not careful i might actually choose 2 suffer & rewatch donot laugh again#shout out 2 ross gaming who gives me 2 much gender & i was rlly close 2 changing my name 2 ross or daniel bc of him#((i did 4 a bit but thats not the point))#im pretty sure ive been watching this guy 4 like way 2 long IM ORETTY SURE HE SHAPED MY PERSONALITY#SOME1 HELPPP
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OC !
#my characters#i missed her so much wowee#her name is katale and thats what she goes by EXCEPT her best friend (and ex boyfriend and boss) who gets to call her kitty#hes just like the all around best guy in her life and she loves him a whole lot#and even though they broke up they have a very loving friendship and shes like#oh i would absolutely kill for him and in fact i am VERY good at killing im honing my skills :3#and her family is actually just a bunch of criminals and the only reason the other guy gets involved#is bc he needs fast money to help his mom with hospital bills and so hes like hey my mom doesnt need to know how shes alive#and then he somehow becomes head honcho and is a rumored to be ruthless man#but hes just incredibly level headed and able to think his way up (and kills a few unpleasant family members for kitty)#and if shes running out and about you can even hear him say shit like#my wife left me i miss my wife#and everyone knows he means katale but no one knows how to react bc its clearly a joke (???) since they broke up#but no one is telling their boss to elaborate the wife situation#kitty however is the entire reason that she gets this lil puppy of an agent to not kill rudyard her dear boss#and somehow they adopt this grown man and also his really weird mentor who faked their death#but they love their puppy son boy agent man#and kitty is super happy to dote on the agent but even she has her lines like WHY DID YOU JUST HAND HIM A GUN#RUDYARD HE TRIED TO KILL YOU LIKE LAST MONTH WHAT ARE YOU DOING#and rudyard is just ??? can i NOT shove a gun into his hands now? what is that? a crime? really? gonna tell on me? a criminal? for crimes?#but genuinely it stresses her out bc she loves her adopted son but loves her best friend and eventually she realizes#ok puppy agent man is loyal to them but not a criminal thats ok#while rudyard is like ... passing him guns to try out as a bonding thing#but also he is fascinated with how good the agents aim is like hey kitty you should watch how far he can shoot perfectly#hey kitty remember all those dead underlings and how precise their kills were to make them not suffer this guy is really good#also for what its worth ruds mom is still alive! shes just in a nursing home now and he goes to visit her#kitty and rudyard have such a fun dynamic to me and both are murderers but its okay (its not)#also kitty likes anime and she has forced rud to watch anime with her and he just accepts his fate#bc it makes kitty happy to share so he will watch to make her happy even if he doesnt understand all the appeal
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"Angry robin" "violent robin" "misbehaving robin" shut up and accept my alternative; spunky Robin. Determined and head strong, can out-stubborn the Batman, has a strong moral-backbone and does what he thinks is right regardless of what anybody else says, Robin. Jason who was sassy and quippy and made crude jokes with a smile on his face. Jason who hid in Bruce's cape and whispered gossip to him. Jason who, if Bruce refused him something, could keep bothering endlessly until Bruce caved. And also dramatic Jason. If Bruce tells him no, it becomes a whole theatrical show; a monologue, a narration, embellishments, and falling onto the floor in his grief upon the fact his cruel father has denied him once again.
(Jason who has suffered through abuse and homelessness and poverty and starvation, who is the Fight out of Fight or Flight, who's built up defenses and walls and when pushed and triggered responds with the thing that's always protected him; anger. He's sweet and kind and funny, and when he sees a pimp hitting a prostitute he gets furious and responds with violence.)
#my dc posting#dc#jason todd#jaybin#im having so many thoughts abt jaybin and he is so important to me#in one fic he went on a hunger strike bc alfred didnt eat w them and did it for so long they had to compromise#i love a jaybin 100% willing to menace and bother batman until the man folds. as is his right#the thing abt jason's backstory is that it shows him unwilling to suffer for a home#ma gunn's is bad; he gets beat up and she tries to get him to help rob a place. so he leaves! and rats the whole thing out to batman#and shows up himself cus he didnt think he had been believed#and lets not forget the fact he hit batman with a tire iron and called him a 'big boob'!#the boy's got moxie!! let jaybin be crass and angry and sassy and flawed and traumatized without reducing him to 2d caricature of a 'troubl#d kid'#i dont like a jason who did nothing but use excessive violence and disobey orders and be cocky and all that shit#i like a jason who was. oh yknow. a complex person!! a child/teen who has been fucking abused!!!#you shouldnt erase the fact that jason's reaction/response to stressful situations and triggers IS anger#it's not an indication that he was always gonna become a criminal/red hood or whatever. get outta here w that shit#but like. let us not go so far in the other direction we forget to have him react and be affected by the abuse he's suffered#anyway. if anyone should be a drama-queen it should be jaybin. once he becomes truly comfortable w bruce he should dial it up to 11#a lot of red hood's appeal (to me&many others) is that he is an 'imperfect' victim. meaning he is angry and flawed and doesnt suffer quietl#but is loud and obvious abt it#so when i see jaybin written as the opposite its like. man whats that about#anyway. jaybin is good and cares and wants to help and protect people. and by god if i ever see anybody writing#him having arguments with bruce about the no kill rule WHILE robin again im gonna throw hands istg-#my tags are like a hidden treasure box. most of what i say is in here lmao
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hi for the love of everything hello
#miguel o'hara#atsv#long post#<- probably going to be my most used tags of the year at this rate fkjsdjfk apologies kings#this post is laser aimed at Vin my beloved migutual (miguel mutual fjskd) because ive had so much brainrot over our chats#esp concerning miguel's misery submission to fate while not assigning cosmic meaning to the suffering canon perpetuates#THE FACT HES A LAPSED CATHOLIC IN THE COMICS TOO. CHRIST.#canon as the naturalistic force akin to a god itself that will smite you if you break it's rules <- to this man. OH BOY. fuckk....#she came. she posted a huge miguel edit in the tags. she left jdskfjkds. genuinely IM SORRY if youre on mobile this is huge fjkdsh#tunes talks spiderverse#migedits
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Ride 749: The last Straight Road*
(NdT.: same pun Kinaka always makes with his name and the word for straight road)
Pag 1
1: I....
3: Imaizumi-san!!
4: Go- good work!!
Good work!!
You were taking a long time for this lap
Pag 2
1: Yes, teh, I got a fl-fl-flat- my bike!!
Yessir!!
2: It's the tire!!
4: Only tires can get a flat
Ah- damn, yes, that's right
Right!!
6: I thought something like this might have happened, so I brought these
Replacement tubes, tire levers, and a pump. Use them
Pag 3
2: This is unusual!! I never thought Imaizumi-san was the attentive type – is it just for us!?
Yeah!! I thought first and second years were just not important to him....
3: You don't want to use the,?
We'll use them, thank you so much!!
4: You saved us, teh....!!
That's true
6: Ah, uhm... but..... Imaizumi-san
Earlier you said that
7: Sugimoto-san won't come”, what did you mean?
Pag 4
1: He retired
Pag 5
1: He's still displayed on the board, but
3: There's still time until midnight
If Sugimoto-kun....
4: Please leave the possibility open in case Sugimoto-kun wants to come back!!
5: Onoda insisted
6: Re... tired.....
Sugi..... moto-san....
Pag 6
1: He used up all his stamina and mental strength in his fight against Danchiku, and he was defeated
2: You didn't notice because you've been on the course the whole time
4: Ah... actually, when it got dark, Sugimoto-san and Danchiku-san passed us various times... teh
Huh!? That? So at that time-!?
5: You have no time to talk about unimportant things
As soon as you're done with the repairs, run, first years
6: Soon
Pag 7
1: Waa, ye-yes, teh, thank you for the tools
Yeah, there's still 40km
2: If we join our strengths....
Don't cooperate
5: Teh!?
7: From now on, you can't allow yourselves to run like friends
8: Huh....
Our “buddies” stickers.....!?
You have to fight
Pag 8
1: And win the last spot to be an Inter High member!!
Pag 9
1: Fa.... ight....
2: Against.... Kinaka-kun
3: Against.... Rokudai
4: 35km left!!
Gooo!! Kinakaa, Rokudaii!!
Do your best...!!
5: I feel like they'll be able to run the 1000km!!
Amazing!
Ah, but there was no distance between them just now?
Pag 10
1: Fight....
2: The spot as a regular in the two-times national champion, Sohoku....
3: I can't take it by just being friendly....!!
4: And also
5: There's Sugimoto-san's wish!!
Pag 11
1: Wa- wait, please, Imaizumi-san
But.... if in this training camp the condition to become the sixth regular was to finish the 1000km first....
2: Then why did Sugimoto-san and Danchiku-san race!?
4: I came here to give you a message from Sugimoto
5: I think, I think it's necessary, you know
Sohoku is a team that connect and support each other
6: Just like during our first year, you, Naruko, and Onoda, connected your wishes and aimed for the goal
7: And last year Kaburagi ran with Aoyagi-san and carried the team until the mountains on the third day
8: So I think we need it
9: Our third year Inter High members
Pag 12
1: Definitely need a “first year”!!
3: Even if he knew he was making his own situation worse, he thought about the best shape for the team would be
4: He accepted it, and fought
Pag 13
1: For the fifth place
3: Among the first years, those two are left, I look forward to see what they do!!
That's too much food
4: Danchiku probably understood it, too
That's why he fought with all his strength
6: Now you two have to run with the weight of those expectations on your back!!
7: Fight, against your opponent and against yourself!! Use all your strength
Pag 14
1: And pull to yourself that last jersey!!
2: Straaa-
Pag 15
1: Straight roaaad!!
2: - traight!!
3: …. ngh
Ugh.....
4: Kinaka-kun.....
5: Don't cry, Rokudai!!
Pag 16
1: What are you doing, oi!! I'll leave you behind like this!! I'll tear you off!!
If you give up, then it's lucky for me!!
2: My goal has always been the Inter High jersey!!
To get back at those senpai who made fun of me!!
3: To show it to the Onii-san who taught me how to ride bikes!!
So, for that....
6: So I'm telling you not to cry!!
Pag 17
1: But, Kinaka-kun....
It's that your “Straitgh road”, wasn't fast at all....!!
4: You knee? It's your knee, right?
Since when? Since a while ago?
5: Since when we were at about 800km
Pag 18
1: It's a race, Rokudai
2: You should have told me, teh
I didn't notice, teh!!
3: I'm such an incapable former manager, teh....
4: Since when I lost to you in the first years' race
6: I've been thinking that I would definitely not lose the next time we race
7: Even though the truth is that I don't really care about that anymore
So, once again...
Pag 19
1: It's a race, Rokudai!!
3: Let's do it, Rokudai!!
I can't, teh
4: Race me, pedal!!
I don't want to, teh....
5: Fight me!!
I won't pedal, teh
Pag 20
1: Because, if I fight you now, Kinaka-kun, I'll end up winning, teh
Pag 22
1: With that kindness of yours, support our senpai during the Inter High
#yowamushi pedal#yowamushi pedal translations#yowapeda#yowapeda manga#yowamushi pedal manga#yowamushi pedal spoilers#ride 749#the tags arent enough for the essay i want and need to write about this chapter#most painful chapter but also one of the best chapter of the whole manga imho#IVE BEEN CRYING SINCE YESTRDAY WTF WATANABE HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO MY BABIES#YOU NEED TO PAY FOR MY THERAPY NOW#kinaka and roku's relationship is probably the most wholesome in the whole manga i love them so much#and this chap HURT SO BAD OH MY GOD#kinakaaaaa you're so strong for this ;A; the way he didnt want to tell roku about his knee bc he knew that roku would break#the way he even tried to provoke him to push him to race!! and he says he didnt want to lose against him again! but!!#He actually doesnt care about that anymore!!! hes just doing this for rokudai!!!#And rokuuuu!!! baby boy ;A; hes the purest boy ever!!! He didnt want to win like this against kinaka he didnt want to leave him behind ;A;#leave me alone im gonna cry forever ;A; (no actually dont leave me alone keep me company in my suffering plz)#page 21 is forever ingraved in my soul#even tho imaizumi told them not to cooperate in the end they did support each other until the last moment ;A;#(on a lighter not im happy that we finally have a reason for the race btwn sugimoto and danchiku - they both knew the team needed a first#year* so only one of them could be on the team)
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aughgsgghhhh you’re telling me. in his final moments. in what would otherwise be complete agony and loneliness until the bitter end. charles succumbed to his injuries peacefully falling asleep to the sound of edwin’s voice reading him a story. you’re telling me. oh god. oh fuck
#kibumblabs#bro that hit me like a fucking truck gsgsgaggshfhdhhgghhh#like I think more than any scene I’ve seen so far#i need a fucking Moment#aand. you’re telling me. edwin. who had been alone and terrified and spited for decades and decades and not given the privilege of a#natural let alone Peaceful death. did everything he possibly could to make this dying boy feel safe and content and not alone so when he#crossed over he’d do so without suffering……. i need a minute i need several minutes hold on#dead boy detectives#liveblogging#dead boy detectives spoilers#mentioning that he had bullies at the same school back in his day hits so much harder after you realize what he’s doing for charles#in that moment. like. oh. of course. he’s doing this because he understands. he understands what it’s like to die helplessly and painfully#at the hands of the same kind of cruelty. and he doesn’t want charles to go through it feeling the same way.#im losing it
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This idea is eating my brain. Sukuna being a shameless insatiable freak towards Gojo and an in-denial thirsty freak towards Itadori.
He wants Gojo. He pursues him without relent. Sukuna wants to wreck the man and paint him red all over. He wants to taste his heart and know if he is as sweet as the desserts he gorges himself full with.
Sukuna wants to pry Gojo open and eat him out clean. He wants to climb over him and crawl inside of him. Their bodies becoming one and no one can ever tell where Sukuna start and Gojo ends anymore.
Sukuna desires that more than anything.
But he cannot understand why he sees himself doing it in the body of the brat that once caged him.
Instead of imagining his own four arms bringing Gojo towards his end begging and moaning for mercy he would never receive, Sukuna fancies it to be that of the annoying mouthy fool.
Clumsy hands and eager fingers. Unable to control the strength they possess that they break Gojo in. Cracking bones. Shattering spirits.
Gojo will be quivering. The brat will whimpering. Sukuna will be feasting.
The sweetness of their despair and richness of their blood sit heavy on his tongue. Salty tears spilling from confusion and frustration just makes his mouth water for more.
But what Sukuna craves more from their joining in his fantasy, was the forbidden taste of desire for the impossible and unthinkable - desecration of something sacred and twisting of kindness so profound.
Sukuna wants Gojo through the Brat. It is driving him insane.
SCREAAAAAAAMINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
SHIT THAT'S SOOOOO GOOD OH MY GOD. AND SO SO SO CORRECT
it's a mix of his desire to break yuuji (derogatorily) and break satoru (affectionately) and it mixes up into this absolute mess of feelings for all of them involved and fuuuuuccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
#f.ask#as the kids say nowadays: YOU COOKEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD#fr going insane oh my goddffddddd#like. everytime ive read this since u sent it ive been like 'holy shit'#like gjdfhgksdhkfjrhgfisjioddshiuohdsfuighfksdhjkdfhgsdfdsgs#and it makes so much SENSE.#sukuna wants satoru more than anything. he's the strongest. he wants to break him more than anything.#taste him more than anything.#but at the other hand he DESPISES yuuji.#wants nothing to do with him#wants nothing more than the boy to suffer. and what better way than to make HIM violate the people he loves so much.#his beloved teacher who yuuji loves. with his OWN hands. there is nothing that will crush him more than that#but that comes with facing that he needs to be joined to the boy who has caged him.#the boy that makes his entire being quake in disgust. in absolute disdain.#obsessed anon im OBSESSED#jjk#sukugo#sukugoyuu#anon i love u#bc sukuna HAS such convoluted feelings about yuuji.#vs the clarity of his desire of gojo#love it love it love ittttttttttttttttttttttttttt
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What did he die for, Apollo?
of courrrrrse my first non percabeth drawing would be the angstiest, most awful moment in all of the series cause why not????????
#piper mclean#jason grace#jiper#trials of apollo#heroes of olympus#pjo hoo toa#im sorry jason grace for thinking so little of you when i was a teenager#also as if i wasn't suffering enough while drawing this i was listening to monster donut's ep about the burning maze and oh boy#pjo fanart#paula draws
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as a chronically depressed person, i know saying i'm going to kill myself in reaction to minor things that shouldn't affect my life as much as they do is like. not a helpful thing at all and yet. sometimes it's the only–––
#like.... is it making it worse. probably#does it still feel good to exaggerate. uh yea#do i wanna be here. lately no. lfkjklsd passively ******** gets u on a WATCHLIST.#except my moms saying the same shit to me every other day im like brother why must this run in the family#how am i gonna get out of it oh my god#anyway not to be tmi on main but like.#major depression is HEREDITARY AND I HAVE IT BITCH. how evil is that shit#would never in my life willingly have kids and give them that let me tell you for free#anyway tumblr is a journal hours#me loving winter vs also suffering the consequences.. usually it gwts me in the summer so why now#trip to new york fix me. leafs fix me. put my boys back by then too that will fix me a bit
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ngl gamers, I think I'm gonna inevitably lose to the hormones and depression in the near future XD
Can't bring myself to be active cause I'm using a lot of energy to not vent post all the time. But fuck it, into the tags I go!
#I want NO MESSAGES regarding this. let me just be upset and alone#you spend most of your life trying to not succumb to sick brain but honestly I don't think it's worth it in the long run#my life is for better or worse....decent. but I've lost the drive and happiness to really DO anything a long time ago. like whats the point#the only reason I havent killed myself yet is cause Im too lazy (and dont have access to a gun for a quick getaway)#and I'm saying all this DESPITE having stuff to look forward to in the near future. it's like AUGH whats the POINT IM always gonna suffer#why does mental health take such a toll on ppl. this shit sucks ass. and I still feel excited for things in the future too? somehow?#but I also really want to die so. idk man. idk. maybe if I fall in love with someone then I can be distracted but all my walls are up#what's the point in anything anymore. *I* have to take the steps to improve myself and my situation#and I'd rather die. anyways who wants to make a pact that once we reach 40 we will marry each other#that might be fun#also my brain has gotten so bad that I am literally considering joining a hiking club to get out more and I FUCKING HATE HIKING#but I should probably do something out of my comfort zone to push myself and who knows maybe I will find a new passion#but let me tell you about the anxiety - oh BOY it's starting to act up again. hahahha#ah well sometimes you just need to scream your feelings out in the tags to get a lil clarity from the brain fog#one day I will fucking die/kill myself but for now I'll just try to make the best out of. whatever the hell this stupid life is. *shrug*#(but hey if any professional hitmen are reading this. feel free to. heh. you know ;) )#also I need to get back to art#gotta do my paid work and that one pic I lined months ago. and clay stuff *continues to bed rot another week because hahahahahahaha*#ah I wish I didn't fail all those years ago. then I would be free. I wish I was free#ok goodnight I promised myself that I would do paid work when I wake up tomorrow so hopefully no more migraines -pray emoji-
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It's over for you bitches when I finally experience a moment of peace
#sophie speaks#my version of insomnia sucks because its just anxiety. i can sleep once im asleep but oh boy are we going to suffer for it
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I have fallen down the anime sports hole and landed on Eyeshield 21 and I'm so sorry I'm adopting all these kids.
(I was actually going to like. Hold off posting my silly sports anime doodles until after commissions but no I wanna share them now. It's hard out here being me who thrives off interactions and this show is like "hey what if we gave you lots of interactions and also a secret identity for MORE interactions".)
#eyeshield 21#seijuro shin#sena kobayakawa#haruto sakuraba#ichiro takami#you might look at this and go Salmon please explain why you're drawing fanart for a football anime#and i cannot actually explain#not pictured is my undying love and adoration for the Ha-Ha brothers because they're great#im only on ep28 but please i care for them so much#me watching one say that a girl is his type: OH NICE I LOVE THIS I WILL SUPPORT YOU#me watching one suffer a fear of airplanes while on an airplane: SON YOU ARE DYING PLEASE NO KEEP LIVING#i have typed so many essays on discord to two people about the emotions this anime has given me#and its such a silly anime with funky moves with funny animations for the moves#but i actually really like it ??? like yes its about hs people playing football#but the fact the main character is an underdog#joining a team of two people thus making the entire team of now three an underdog#who then continue to grow with MORE underdogs being recruited#its actually very impressive to watch the characters grow alongside sena#like they do actively show the kids interacting in various ways and its a delight#the anime is just a bunch of good boys playing a game and having a good time bettering themselves#and i say this like im an expert when im still just ep28
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My mother asked me what I wanted for a graduation present, i said The Boy Wonder (2024) #1 and #2, but it turns out that isn't happening, because Amazon only has the Kindle version and it isn't on Indigo. And I live in a small two in Canada. There is no comic book store in my town. The closest thing rarely has anything Batman related, and I'm not driving like two hours away to a proper comic book store that might not even have them 😭
Instead, I'm going to hopefully get two or three volumes of Batman: Wayne Family Adventures, since Amazon has that, and I really want it. Sure I could read it on Webtoon, but I fine it more enjoyable to hold the book in my hands.
#small town problems#like why must i a Canadian suffer so??#i just wanna be able to hold a comic in my hands as i read it!#oh woe is me#yes i am being over dramatic#but im really bummed#i dont have a single Batman or even DC comic in general#batman#dc#dc comics#the boy wonder 2024 2#the boy wonder 2024#the boy wonder#the boy wonder by juni ba#juni ba#the boy wonder 2024 1#wayne family adventures#batman: wayne family adventures#b:wfa#wfa#batman wayne family adventures#batman wfa
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girl help the chemicals in my brain are unbalanced
#asdfafasdfs suffering <3#i have. so many unread messages from everyone im <3333#like all my siblings my mom my dad all my friends im like oh boy.#all varying levels of important too so i know i need to respond i just#also doesn't help that my mom constantly makes it personal and thinks I'm ignoring her or dead#does not make it a question btw it's always 'I know you're ignoring me but-'#like girl no I'm just in the 5th circle of depression hell I'm responding to like 2 people rn
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