#vs the clarity of his desire of gojo

[sukugo]

This idea is eating my brain. Sukuna being a shameless insatiable freak towards Gojo and an in-denial thirsty freak towards Itadori.

He wants Gojo. He pursues him without relent. Sukuna wants to wreck the man and paint him red all over. He wants to taste his heart and know if he is as sweet as the desserts he gorges himself full with.

Sukuna wants to pry Gojo open and eat him out clean. He wants to climb over him and crawl inside of him. Their bodies becoming one and no one can ever tell where Sukuna start and Gojo ends anymore.

Sukuna desires that more than anything.

But he cannot understand why he sees himself doing it in the body of the brat that once caged him.

Instead of imagining his own four arms bringing Gojo towards his end begging and moaning for mercy he would never receive, Sukuna fancies it to be that of the annoying mouthy fool.

Clumsy hands and eager fingers. Unable to control the strength they possess that they break Gojo in. Cracking bones. Shattering spirits.

Gojo will be quivering. The brat will whimpering. Sukuna will be feasting.

The sweetness of their despair and richness of their blood sit heavy on his tongue. Salty tears spilling from confusion and frustration just makes his mouth water for more.

But what Sukuna craves more from their joining in his fantasy, was the forbidden taste of desire for the impossible and unthinkable - desecration of something sacred and twisting of kindness so profound.

Sukuna wants Gojo through the Brat. It is driving him insane.

SCREAAAAAAAMINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

SHIT THAT'S SOOOOO GOOD OH MY GOD. AND SO SO SO CORRECT

it's a mix of his desire to break yuuji (derogatorily) and break satoru (affectionately) and it mixes up into this absolute mess of feelings for all of them involved and fuuuuuccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

[cherryys]

looking at this panel again made me realize what megumi says here has more implications about him other than his sexuality or preferences. it's about how he views his wants vs. his needs.

Todo asks him about his type. Usually when someone is asked that, they answer with their preference, what they *want*, or *prefer*, like for example Yuuji's answer of a "tall girls with big butts", despite having a history before of not prioritising that like when he liked yuko.

But Megumi answers, not of what he prefers or what he finds attractive (whether physically or personality-wise), he just says what he *needs*. He doesn't have a preference as long as the person's character is unshakable. That's it. That's why Todo found his answer boring.

it's not just because he described a character trait or personality rather than a physical attribute like Todo & Yuuji, but because it was the bare minimum. When you ask someone their type, if they reply "someone with a stable career" you'd find it a bit boring, no? it's not really answering your question of what they want in a partner, what they desire. just what they need. This approach of only looking at what is needed persists through everything Megumi does, not just his type, specifically his career a sorcerer.

He doesn't take more than what he's given, and he forces himself to provide what the situation needs. For example, his sacrifice bunt in the baseball game that Gojo called him out for. He didn't think about what he wanted, but what was needed for the match, and that was to let Nobara advance while he stays behind, so that they overall win the match.

He limits himself like that. That's why Gojo's words of "It's okay to be selfish!" resonated. Because he never let himself take more. He never let himself step out of line.

This goes for his relationship with Gojo, too. he was a teacher, a mentor for him, but he never let himself step out of line to get any closer to him, as opposed to someone like Yuuji or Yuuta who interact with Gojo freely without any barriers between them. To him, he needs Gojo as a mentor and nothing else, and never let himself entertain the idea of wanting to be closer to him. throughout the conversations and interactions between Megumi and Gojo, there is a sense of distance that not even Gojo has with Yuuta and Yuuji, despite the barriers Gojo put up. Yuuji and Yuuta are both close to Gojo in the sense that they let themselves depend on Gojo and express themselves freely, able to talk about things other than jujutsu. but there isn't anything like that with Megumi. he always speaks to him formally despite 10 years of knowing each other and he's never spoke to him about anything other than jujutsu. to Megumi, Gojo is a teacher and mentor strictly and nothing else. not an adult he could depend on or someone he could confide in.

This goes for Toji, too. To him, he thinks doesn't need his father because he left him, that's why he doesn't care. even if he wanted to grow up with a stable caretaker in his life.

When Gojo first provided him with the two "choices" of training under him or being with the Zenin clan, he didn't think to ask if there was a third option where he just doesn't become a sorcerer. obviously this is because when you're like 6 years old and you're provided with two options, you don't think to entertain a third secret option, especially when you're talking to someone you don't even know, but this mindset of just taking what life gives you without question or defiance is largely why megumi didn't really thrive, especially in such a selfish environment like jujutsu sorcery where you need to overstep to succeed. only when he let go of those limitations (CH. 58) was he able to take selfishly.

His dream in 266 tells you this in full clarity. what he wanted was a simple and domestic life away from jujutsu sorcery. but he knew he didn't have the authority to really demand that from gojo, so he settled for what he needed, which was his sister's happiness.

this attitude of his likely resulted from the fact he grew up having everything taken away from him (his mother, his father, and even his stepmother) along with the fact that he grew up in poverty, so he didn't feel like he had any sort of authority to want things. he saw it as a luxury he wasn't allowed.

(interesting that the only time he has expressed a want, went against life and actually stepped out of line and made a decision out of a selfish need, is when he wanted to save yuuji.)