#often differing reasons bc my relationships and connections to the both of them are very unique

[palskippah]

Hi! Drew this based over a scene in Santa Clarita Diet bc Abby's relationship with her parents is so funny but also it's clear that she loves them aaa

Anyways, every once in a while Cyrus realizes that his other dad is actually cooler than he gives him credit for sjdfksj

Under the cut are some more thoughts!

-Btw I hope you get the 'of course' wink sjdkfjs

>My mom always does it whenever I ask a question that could only use a 'yes' as an answer, instead of nodding or talking and I think it's cool sjkdf (I don't use it bc I'm very uncoordinated, imagine I accidentally double wink or do the frog blink 😭)

-Cyrus is often so mean to him that whenever he's genuinely nice, sometimes Ambrosius' suspicious and wondering if he's being sarcastic or mocking him, even if Cyrus tries to tell him that it's nothing of that and he means it

>Like that scene in Santa Clarita Diet where Abby compliments her parents and they stare for a few seconds all seriously and then one says, don't listen to her honey, we did great (and it reminded me so much of that one scene in the comic with Ballister and Ambrosius sjdkfjs)

>This one:

>I really wanna redraw it like the scene in the show. Ballister going good job and Ambrosius just staring very calculating, and then going, don't listen to him, men, we DID get him >:(

-Also drew this because ever since Cyrus has been born Ambrosius couldn't help but feel that his son just knew that he wasn't a good person, the way he was always frowning at him (that's just his face, like Ballister's) and when he grows up, he seems to not like him much either pipipi

>Anyways one day (being a moody teenager) Cyrus says the typical I hate you, dad!!! D:< and locks himself in his room and Ambrosius' like, D':

>He's always mean too but that's just his teenager personality, sarcastic and stuff and Ballister doesn't take it personal because he knows his son is just like that (hopefully for the meanwhile, until he grows out of it), Ambrosius knows too but he's more sensitive and can't help taking it a bit personal 😔

-Also I got another idea for a small comic based over a kdrama I watched, where the daughter (the oldest of the two siblings) blamed herself over her dad leaving their family, and hated him for leaving too and many things, just very complicated.

>And aaa imagine Cyrus just never saying it but knowing that both of his dads' lives would've been different if he hadn't been born. Like maybe all of Ballister's plans to overthrow the Institute and stuff took longer, and some phases in his plan had to be put in hold because of him and stuff.

>Also for a while he feels like Ballister is bound to Ambrosius for life because of him (little did he know that those two would've been around each other their whole lives anyways, even if he never existed sjdkfs) then he realizes that they actually like and love each other, and then they try having something, or smth, and then he's like oh :) because seeing both of your parents loving each other and getting along is a very nice feeling (I've been told, idk from first-hand experience🧍 cries)

>Actually, I drew this unfinished thing about that, based over another scene in the kdrama I mentioned, where the daughter says, after being told that if her parents hadn't met, she wouldn't have been born, that it'd would've been for the better.

>I know the writing is terrible but Cyrus' complaining about Ambrosius and ending his rant with 'I wish they just hadn't met at all', and Nimona saying that she used to feel the same, but then realized that Cyrus wouldn't have been born, and Cyrus was supposed to say next, 'maybe that would've been better' and then Nimona doesn't answer and just stares at him wwhwh

-AND of course it's not Cyrus' fault that Ballister decided to have him, but he still has the feeling of having messed up his dad's life, and let's say that Ballister realizes for whatever reasons his feelings, connecting dots and stuff.

>So, imagine a conversation where he's saying very reassuringly, Meeting your father and later having you is one of the best things that had happened to me, or something like that. And Cyrus is resolutely not looking at him, but his eyes are getting teary, even if he feigns not acknowledging Ballister's words because how embarrassing, and how vulnerable he feels, but also he feels so relieved and loved too.

>And he doesn't know what to do with the feelings, also being a teenager with no feelings is his thing, y'know, so he's like, Just so you know, I'm not crying over what you said, I don't care about that, something just got in my eye- and Ballister just smiles because his son is terrible at communicating his feelings, but it's okay and he gets it, and just says, of course, let me get it out for you, and then he wipes Cyrus' tears and Cyrus gets a tad bit more teary but it's fine because his dad doesn't mind wiping some more tears wiwiiw

>(projecting so much into him bc when I watched that one scene in the show I cried bc I've felt the way the protagonist did (now I know better tho, I'm the coolest thing to happen to my mom yippiee) and it's a very ugly feeling, so of course I'm giving it to a character whwehw)

Anyways, that's it! I love them so much, I hope to make some more comics about the thingies I said above sjkdfd

[cringefail-clown]

Jakehal is very fun. But why dirkkri? I dont understand what's appealing about it :? confused

theres a lot of things i like about dirkri and honestly i dont even know where to start lmfao

first of all, and its mostly a funny reason - davekat on crack. like some traces of davekat are still there - the arguing about shit, stoic facade vs emotional mess, all the good stuff, but its also so much more exaggerated it makes it this much more ridiculous. gets even better when you consider them under the lense of swap aus like alphaswitch or tbau, where they land on the meteor together. theyre most likely hunting each other for sports by the year two

second of all, the funney. theyd be so fucking funny together. their smallest arguments would take like twenty pages of non-stop flow of red-orange text to resolve, and not because they came to a consensus but because some third party physically dragged them away from their electronics. it doesnt do any good, since it only gives them both time to think over new arguments to use, and theyre back at it as soon as they get their phones back. like if we had a tournament about which ship would do the most collateral damage to the overall group, i think these two would be Up There. karkat would gauge his eyes out from frustration, because now not only does he have to deal with his piece of shit, know-it-all other self, but now theres also Fucking Dirk thrown into the mix. their home life is absolute insanity, a small jab about the other forgetting to buy sugar once again devolves into a screaming match about the merits and flaws of communism or some other inane shit. and theyre doing it for fun, they enjoy debating with each other, because often times they have vastly different opinions, and comparing their beliefs challenges them intelectually and morally. from the outside perspective theyre one of the most dysfunctional pair in the paradox space, when in fact thats simply how they want their relationship to be, and it makes them better people overall.

third reason is that theyre thematically delicious. dirk is a control freak, micromanaging his and his friends constantly. hes terrified of losing control, but hes also desperate for someone to just tell him what the fuck he should do. dirk doesnt think he should be in control of others, because he believes hes a naturally evil person capable of horrible acts, at the same time he doesnt trust anyone else to get things done but himself. hes a whole collection of contradictions.

kankri desperately needs to be in control as well. hes constantly injecting himself into conversations he has no business being in, trying to find someone thatd listen to what he has to say. hes wants to guide others, but his efforts are flawed, because he doesnt listen to other perspectives - hes got tunnel vision, as he thinks hes the one in the right while everyone else is wrong or ignorant (cringefail seer literally). he doesnt trust anyone else to make decisions for him, and becomes defensive when he thinks others are attempting to coddle him. his ass was definitely culled on beforus.

theyre also both so fucking lonely. dirk conciously tries to put difference between himself and his friends, worrying hell "corrupt" them. kankri tries to connect to his friends, but his behavior alienates him from them to the point of no one except maybe porrim want to have anything to do with him.

my point is, kankri wants to guide people but has to learn to listen to others and reflect on his own flawed opinions. dirk has to learn to trust that people closest to him can get shit done on their own and loosen up, as well as realise hes not evil at the core. them helping each other out - dirk teaching kankri about different perspectives, kankri teaching dirk about letting others do their thing - is something i think about a lot.

also i like to think theyd spar for fun a lot as well. its not really a reason and wholly my own personal headcanon but i wanna mention it as well bc its so funny to me. i like the idea of kankris behaviour being a complete reverse of karkat - where karkat is all bark no bite and doesnt like fighting or violence, kankri puts up a front of the beacon of love and peace and tolerance, but in his free time he gets his rifle and goes shooting at the fucking squirrels or some shit. i think he wouldnt have the same qualms about strifing as karkat. like dirk would try to jokingly jab his finger at kankris side and he would just fucking flip him over his shoulder and onto the table breaking it in half, because he doesnt like being touched unexpectedly and by gods dirk when will you fucking learn. he goes from 0 to 100 real fast. its such a hysterical concept for me.

[alexxncl]

‼️NIGHTBRINGER LESSON 40 SPOILERS‼️

masterlist | all lessons | season 2 | season 3 | lesson 39 | lesson 41.1 | lesson 41.2

the end of an era (season 2)

normal and hard spoilers

oh baby :(

see every time i remember how sheltered diavolo is it makes me hate his father that much more. he grew up with everything in the world, but practically nobody to share it with.

diavolo had to have been smart enough to have caught onto the reason behind mephisto's attachment to him at an early age. he might be dense, but he's not stupid. even if he and mephisto did end up becoming really good friends, diavolo knew early on that their proximity was for business and royalty purposes only, and that friendship and a genuine relationship was second to their professional relationship

i feel like this is why he initially thought of the brothers as treasures in regard to status rather than as people, and the mindset shifted to seeing them as treasures in regards to the relationship he formed with them. he wanted genuine connection, but forming a professional connection before a genuine relationship was so deeply ingrained in him that he defaulted to it without even realizing it

...he can't be fucking serious

GET HIM OUT I BEG

he would've done this regardless of the option we picked during the angel's trial i hate it here...can't he take a class or smth instead of experimenting on us

i'm gonna kill him /j

i'm a whore in the game so i technically date everyone at once. but why does he NEVER say i love you back ????? not even in the first game ????????

like ok you're a time demon who shouldn't get attached to anyone and you choose to stay unattached bc you'll lose everyone anyways blah blah blah but at least indulge me a little bit 💔

SOBS UNCONTROLLABLY I LOVE THEM

i feel like they know this is their last goodbye yk? obviously barbatos does, but this feels very, very final on their part. maybe it's a different version the feeling they have when they go into mc's room, like they can feel mc being pulled away from them physically

what if the end of the lesson or the story in the hard part of the lesson is them portalling back to their timeline and the brothers getting a glimpse of their alternate selves? and then everything clicking into place after mc leaves?

the fact that simeon has as many doubts about his father's intentions as lucifer and his brothers did really solidifies my belief that he wanted to, in the worst case, fall with the brothers. and if he didn't fall, he'd at least have begged for answers as much as lucifer did before the war. he was demoted after the war for helping the brothers in canon, and i feel like he still beats himself up about it because of the side he chose. him and raphael both, but raphael is better at hiding it

(i have a whole post about simeon and michael before the war here)

i've said this about a million times but...

the brothers ever 🫶🏽

they're such shitheads but also extremely concerned i love their dynamic sm

SEE I TOLD YOU ‼️ HE MASKS HIS FEAR WITH ANGER (even though i'm pretty sure this was confirmed in canon in the og game and in nb s1)

him admitting that he was scared though? putting his pride aside and actually talking about his feelings for once? this is proof of how much he trusts mc, how much he loves and cares for them, even if he can't explain why the feelings he holds for them are so strong

it also shows that he's thankful to have someone who will care about and protect his brothers as much as he does, and some of the weight of the "oldest brother" mantle has been lifted. it allows him to be vulnerable and at least a little more carefree, which is why he's seen joking and laughing with his brothers so much more often in the later lessons in comparison to season 1 and early season 2

i feel like i'm SUPOOSED to reach bc why would he phrase it like that ??? i don't think he knows...but he's really intuitive

or maybe this was a way of the devs using him to unofficially-officially send us off and into our original timeline. idk. i'm reaching but they made me

THEY DID NOT

oh i'm really gonna cry...they took what we wrote in season 1 and showed it to the boys

i COMPLETELY forgot we even did this 😭 god i'm gonna cry i love this game sm

I KNEW NO TIME PASSED THANK GODDDDDD

i don't think i'd be able to handle it if the same amount of time passed across realms

i also think this is why they emphasized "time soup" so heavily, you can be put anywhere at any time as if nothing had changed

...i can't believe it's over

...for now at least

well time to read the HDD story and catch up on devilgram

[t4tpumpkinduo]

ok let me say smthing rq ☝️ the reason i'm insane and often v focused on cpumpkins on this blog is bcs. well. first off, cschlatt is my favorite most special little princess and i adore spreading love/cute things with her to a fanbase that largely misunderstands and villanizes her. (as well that art of her is also significantly easier fr me to draw than others spoon wise sorry for thinking with my. heart. ♡)

and secondly, being around and int-ing with what i have many times called a word of mouth ass fanbase, a fanbase tht often doesn't int w the source material at all, that purposely ignores or discards or lets their biases make their opinions for them, it makes me want to shine a light even harder on a dynamic that i find v textually rich and compelling!! as a true obnoxious lorehead!! i don't often see very many cpumpkinheads, and i've seen even less that analyze and lay out the scenes, or go to bat for what their relationship is and represents. they're a great great duo and i'd be so happy for more ppl to pick up what i'm putting down and i can only hope i'm making a lil dent in this cruel cruel world :'] for smthing tht means v much to me.

that said, despite this being a deeply important dynamic i'm v passionate abt and smthing i v often focus on, i never want to be confused w smone who reduces characters to like... ship mush. who strips characters of their hopes and dreams and aspirations and wider connections in sm thin veiled attempt t idk. legitimize? is that what it is? and you know exactly what i'm talking abt so 👎 long ass analysis + talk abt their relationships to others under the cut bcs i got carried away

---

---

starting w my princess, cschlatt's connections to other characters is like....the stuff he has with cclingy is CRAZY!! they both admired him so much, they parallel him directly! when he first joined the server, he was taking selfies w them, indulging them and riffing with them, and i've seen ppl argue abt this but the actual reason he built the cuck shed in the dsmp was FOR cclingy, to make them laugh! he talked to them for hours after he was banned off the server in just earnest connection.

and while ofc he made mistakes w tubbo, those mistakes are not uniquely evil as they're ones characters (like cwilbur) KEPT MAKING both DURING the pogtopia-manburg war and then long after it ended. he sees tubbo as smone who was also slighted by cwilbur, and it's not a coincidence everyone is his cabinet was. he wanted to toughen him up so he wouldn't go through the same things he has! that want to make him stronger vs the self hate he feels for himself and how that leaks into the ints he has w smone he sees as similar vs the earnestly seeing him as a pal and feeling deep betrayal at the ctubbo feeding pog information. (cschlatt actually Knew ctubbo was sneaking off, that he was talking to ctommy, and he was fine w that + he actively let him!! 😭 it was only when he found out ctubbo was a traitor did he start crumbling.)

he pawned off hurting him to ctech, the same way cwilbur did to ctommy in the pit, two deeply psychotic dudes being used as playthings, with their backs against the wall, hurting their little guy in the process but not being able to bring themselves to do it so they get smone else in hopes that'll put a stop to it, only for the guy to values HIS OWN SELF above anyone else and do it anyways. and then they both kill themselves with guilt forever about it. cschlatt loses a LIFE during the festival, that's how much this was weighing on him, and then when he revives he's still so delusional he forgets what happened and calls for tubbo. like. ofc, that's not an awesome thing to have happened, but the rest of the factors are unignorable.

and tubbo to him...despite how ctubbo compartmentalizes those who hurt him, (grinning and bearing ctech n cphil for safety but throwing them under the bus to cwilbur for safety), the way he ints w schlatt is noticeably... different. he takes and agrees w his policies, keeps most of them as new lmanberg and admits they were good, he feels guilty about going against him, doesn't think he's all that bad and he gets punished for that! he goes as far to point out and realize cschlatt is being scapegoated for the situation in the first place, same as he was as president! (ofc to a different extent)

with ctommy, he would actively join calls w the kid and hang out DURING MANBURG!! 😭 ctommy would mildly snipe at him At Most and cschlatt would go ehhh you suck too buddy. and then they'd just chill together. he invited ctommy to manburg, for god's sake. ctommy is also one of the characters who continues to bring up cschlatt in a positive light, even up to his final streams saying things like cschlatt was his hero and it's CWILBUR'S FAULT that everything went to shit surrounding that.. they have sm in common, their relationships to others their posturing the way they joke around, the struggles with addiction and having their control and personhood ripped away URWGH

and with wilbur....like v v point blank one of the reasons they spiral so bad (aside frm being sabotaged by bigger forces than themselves + being deeply sick and mentally ill), was THE BETRAYAL OF EACHOTHER!!! look at the stuff i wrote for them above!!! they die on the same day, they directly fling shit at eachother constantly personally spitefully they Know eachother and it's all coming frm a place of hurt. he broke my heart how could he do this to me how could he use me as a prop how could he let me down my loverboy my pretty princess are you SERIOUS? glatt n ghostbur were hanging out together and glatt is seen reminiscing on him with fondness and nostalgia like can we get real. and they have textual sauce in smplive too don't start w me.

ponk being a quack doctor cat murderer but she tried as cschlatt's medic, she even shows remorce abt not being better for him,,,and he likes her right back, he's like extremely nice to her and even offers to make her a floor of emeralds for what he's done for him. THE GUY WHO USES EMRALDS TO MARK THINGS OF VALUE? cnikis letter to him, saying she wishes him well, that she hopes he's resting smwhere smhow....tch. TCH.

starting w cq...like i've gone over this before and iwill again. his relationship with cclingy helps define his entire shit he LOVES those kids he does RIDICULOUS things for them in mind.

the reason cq even joins is bcs of a tommy invite, his first appearance is actually a vc where he and tommy are chattering and stealing...they already know eachother, they're already fond of eachother! and alongside the good times, cq's there for every horrible thing tht ctommy is subjected to, he visits him in exile he's there on the grid when cdrm shows his ass abt what he's doing to him, why he's doing it, he finds out ctommy died the day it happened and goes numb and then CRAZY and when he sees him revived, he's practically crying with joy.

one of the reasons for butcher army even existed was the being able to help ctommy! he wants to kill cdrm and to do that he needs to kill ctech, an active threat and accomplice to cdrm! he failed ofc, but the intent was blatantly there. and later in the custody stream, when ctommy confronts him bcs of it, not knowing why the butcher army didn't just go get him when they couldn't, when the killing of figures putting him in danger was FOR that, he'd RATHER LET CTOMMY BELIEVE HE DIDN'T TRY AT ALL THAN WEAPONIZE EXILE FOR HIM. he wanted to kill cdrm outright for what he did to ctommy, he was a seconds away from it, and then when other forces push him into the torture, he's seen using a potato as a blunt weapon to drive his points home. like what do you think that means. he pulls himself frm ccharlie's death and disappearance and the first thing he does is go tell ctommy he'll protect him, that he can always come to lnv....killing myse. self. and ctommy cares abt cq too, he relies in him, he trusts him, he gave him one of the only slash hugs he's ever given he deduces that cq is a torturer by pure chance and still rocks w him and even like actively encourages it bro does NOT care abt his crimes 😭 that's his buddy i fear

and ctubbo... if anything that relationship parallels cschlatts to ctubbos, the being harsh on a kid so the same things that happened to you don't happen to him, so you can toughen him up b4 the world crushes him in it's teeth. and even when they argue, even when they don't see eye to eye, they care about eachother they matter to eachother,,,post doomsday, saying they wanted to move forward, stay working together the want to run a business together, q apologizing for his harsher actions and making it clear how he cares abt him.

and with the cookie outpost...ctubbo is the kind of person who can't confront ppl he's actually afraid of or angry at often, like the syndicate, and instead he has "safe" targets of ppl he can lash out at and redirect it at bcs he knows they won't hurt him back. AND CQ IS ONE OF THOSE PPL! IF NOT THE MOST CONSISTENT ONE!! he knows he can posture he knows he can go so far as to outright threaten cq and he won't ever lay a hand on him. the fact they can even talk it out so easily, the fact cq hated cdrm fr what he did to ctubbo too! saying so explicitly! getting furious when others threaten or put him in danger to the point of trying to physically beat their asses like brother

cbbh's decent into being egged like fucked up cq so badddd dude....the way cq didn't understand the full extent of being possessed since he was able to pull away frm it (barely and screaming the whole time but yget it.) the being brought to the egg in the first place by smone he cared so much, by smone he considered truly good and trustworthy,,,the fact the first person cbbh truly opened up abt the further reaches of the egg was cq...the fact cq went to bat against it over and over, putting himself in danger multiple times bcs thts all he could think of to get through to bad...them cooing and laughing and having fun together so so often and one of the few times cq indulges in femininity is wearing a cute pink little bride's outfit to go on a date w bad like 😭

sam is his FATHER dont argue w me they say it explicitly. he took care of him over and over, he looked out for him always the REASON cq is able to manipulate him as much as he can is bcs that's his DAD. ossium meant so much to him BCS he got him w csam and cgeorge. i won't go on abt this one too bad bcs scarduoisms like kill me dead w grief but trust that i understand trust trust.

his stuff with foolish i just talked abt so i wont retread but be aware he's always been his buddy and understood where he was coming from as smone who was once IN cq's shoes, and chose to be by his side in shitty moments idc if that was retconned. and i won't linger or touch on ctnt bcs like respectfully you've seen it already, ppl talk abt it all the time unignorably so. yes, a lot of it is straight up misrepresented or lies but DW thts not wht this post is ABT!!! ☝️

but what it IS about is. idk. the thing that makes the dsmp so special in the first place is...connections, it's hope it's love it's choosing eachother. how on days where everything was the bleakest and worst ppl still found a way to care, to show support, that in this terrible server that chews ppl up and spits them out with scars and wounds and sharp edges and terrible mistakes, ppl will STILL love them and want them in their life. bcs thts what it's like to live ♡

so yes. cpumpkins is v v v v v good, of course they are, i'll always be the cpumpkins guy but DO NOT GET IT TWISTED ☝️ they can love eachother while having their wider connections not only enrich themselves but the narrative they inhabit. the dsmp is abt love of every kind don't you forget it

---

*also let it be known i use cwilb as my example a lot cuz 1. he's the fanon darling that gets at least half his streams watched so everybody will know wht im talking + 2. if you can have empathy for his actions when they're worse than others you can have empathy for those 😭 thanks

[theghostbunnie]

How do you see Max and Neil relationship? I mean I know you ship it but why specifically? I’d love to hear your thoughts on it!

I see them my personal fannon wise as having a really deep connection and dynamic where the lines of platonic and romantic love get blurred (when they're older) and even though they're both really terrible at communicating that verbally, and their emotions in general as people, they both just know they can be way more comfortable, honest, and vulnerable around each other than other people bc they really are each other's person. Even when I'm shipping them with other people their friendship is still greatly important in their lives.

Just a silly little HC I have but: Max is shown to be impressed with Neil's capabilities and Neil is shown to be attention and ego-driven. Even though Neil knows not to take Max's opinion too overly highly bc, c'mon it's Max, I HC Neil secretly really likes the way it feels to be "Max's exception." The asshole with few friends and is hard to impress or understand.™

I think I've said it before but I'll say it again too much of maxneil is just ""max and his boyfriend"" rather than Max AND Neil. Max being a huge fan favorite and some fans wanting to give him a romantic partner and Neil being the closest dude in arms reach. Often just focusing on what Max can receive, how Neil feels about Max, what he can do for him, ect.

I love Neil as a character, he's my silly skrimbly and deserves his own life with intricate issues, and affection, and his own needs and flaws.

Neither one of them has endless patience!! They're both very morally grey just in different ways! I love using those aspects about them to come up with angst.

More Cannon-wise though I mentioned how Max is BIG on first impressions not only that, he's goal oriented and specifically wasn't looking for friends in the first episode. When meeting Neil for the first time this kid was: A: very openly unhappy with the situation, and B: smart. Max saw Neil as useful and felt a sensation of kinship. It wasn't until he cussed and yelled out Campbell did he also find him interesting and someone to give more respect towards, due to that sensation of kinship multiplying at the display of taking no shit and yelling at authority about it.

Max still wasn't looking for friends but Neil had showed him a side of his personality that paved a good way towards that anyways. Max trusted him pretty quickly to escape with him.

We know Neil and Nikki had both been victims of bullying, (Neil mentioning being the outcasted kid himself in the Jermy Fartz episode) so they developed a heavy clingyness to their first friend. (In the episode foreign exchange campers they're incredibly distraught he didn't want to be on their team. They're watching him and getting angry/sad about it. I honestly think this same problem they have socially comes back in the recent finale. Neil and Nikki need people to like them more than Max does, he's actively seen trying to calm them down about it.)

So where Max has a "push everybody away" method Neil and Nikki have a "hold on and never let go" to an unhealthy amount. Nikki moves past this partially, Neil doesn't.

Neil had a robot he made JUST to be his friend turn on him FOR being clingy and needy. He blinked away a TEAR when Max called him temporary. Max may have saw him as a friend first but Neil more openly held it closer to his heart.

They both have way more in common than people notice, Neil isn't really the voice of reason to Max's chaos. It depends on the day. Max can loose control of a situation he created for his own gain, Neil looses control when trying to gain attention or gain lack of it actually.

When Max thought he lost Dolph to bears Neil said hope you find him! And outed, But in camp cool kidz when Max starts an uprising after Neil gives him the idea, he's the only person to willingly stay on his side.

When Neil's AI got out of hand Max was impressed, but Neil had to drag him to help. Where as when Neil was lying about the story of Hanukkah, Max tried to give him advice and help him out.

Max both simultaneously uses Neil like a henchman sometimes, but Is impressed by his actions and capabilities. Neil is VERY attention and ego-driven. Max saying he's too dumb to find something just so Neil will happily fetch it for him is him playing on that, although it's a mean move it really shows how well he knows Neil. And even openly admits Neil knows him well too.

Max was the only person who knew/Neil trusted with his bathroom issues. (I hc Neil asks Max to whistle outside the outhouse for him and Max is like "do you know how many superstitions tell you not to whistle outside at night/j" and Neil is like neither one of us is superstitions just start that remix already istg!!!)

Both of their personalities hold so many similarities as well as alot of negative traits so they do bump heads alot, unlike Nikki's behind your back type shit talk, Neil insinuates once to his face he was smarter than Max and got a foul reaction from it.

This post is a lot more messy than the Nikki one as I can probably easily break down a timeline where Max warmed up to Nikki, but with Neil he seemed to connect with him pretty quickly, in reigny day where I mentioned he was quick to shut nikki down, in the same episode he's very driven to figure out where Neil is. Their dynamic is more complicated I think bc when Max and Neil aren't getting along it's more clear and direct and often due to their similar things. Pettiness, selfishness, egotisticalness. On the other side of the same coin they act silently attached to the hip and almost above other people together.

So I guess I ship it BC I like interpreting them with that very big understanding they have of one another, that deep rooted camaraderie, balanced out with that banter of being sassy little shits but in different ways. The potential angst of when they've already become THAT close but their problems of different moral greyness get too big.

The idea of them spending nearly every day together, and deeply loving each other but never actually saying it or expressing their affection in traditional ways, yet still feeling and knowing that love is there.

[vancalox]

ok introducing my rook deiadre mercar :) hiiiiiiiiiiii <3 deia for short! like deidre but with an A. day-a-druh. day-a. anyway :) heres her pinterest lol it looks so fucking good actually i rly popped off as they say

the quick tldr stuff

she/her

27yo

taashmancer :)

Elf. very much a city elf who's barely scraping by, tho thankfully not a slave and not belonging to a liberati family either.

obv mercar = shadow dragon ! also has (former) ties to the inquisition and briefly worked as an inquisition agent reporting from minrathous

she's a rogue archer ! a veil ranger i guess

im going for a purple rook personality which tends to skew blue more often than not. an indigo rook if you will

reasonably amicable w solas and "Trades Verbal Jabs" on the regular with him. to cope. shes pro redemption within reason and shes mostly going with a lighthearted-to-diffuse-his-insanity approach.

expanded lore below for the 2 people who are interested :) its crazy down there lol

deiadre "deia" mercar is the 3rd oldest child and 1st daughter of a SIX adopted children household lol. parents are a human and elf partnership and the kids are all orphans saved from minrathous' streets or displaced by the war.

her father is human and an overly ambitious logan-roy-if-he-was-broke type figure. mother is elven and kinder but also growing increasingly ill, and deiadre has had to step up as her caretaker.

her mother refers to their family and home as "the rookery" :) she loves birds (deia does too!) and since rooks are "resourceful, opportunistic, highly social and rarely seen on their own"..... the nickname stuck :)

deia had a strong relationship between her two older brothers, also adopted. evander (elven, 31 in datv) is the oldest - kind, funny, lighthearted - she's very similar to him, and it was him who first taught her to fight against tevinter authority and inspired her to want more for elves in thedas. he's also immature, shirks responsibility in favour of his grand directionless goals, and is somewhat selfish lol. matthas (human, 29 in datv) is the second son - self-serious, quick to irritation and melancholy, and a workaholic, but also honorable, selfless, brave, and a provider for the family in all the ways evander sort of isnt. deia is a combination of both of them, and loves them both equally and inspite of their flaws.

during dai, evander (19), matthas (17) and - after much begging - deia (14) journeyed to skyhold at the behest of their father to meet the inquisition and potentially seize an opportunity to elevate their military family's position. on the road somewhere in emprise du lion they were attacked by venatori and ironically saved BY the The Inquisitor herself (as well as ashara's companions, including A Certain Someone lol...........). deia got idk knocked out during the fight bc she was a literal tween lol so she kind of missed everything djkdjsk but when she awoke, evander and matthas had spent several hours w the inquisition and things had changed. matthas was ENAMORED by ashara, idolized her, wanted to join the inquisition immediately and bought right into the ~ herald of andraste ~ mythos even tho ashara has always adamantly rejected it. on the other hand :) evander had spent much of the day talking to a quieter more unassuming bald man. lol. and came away from that conversation a little :) different. lol. deia herself didnt have much to do with either of them, having been unconscious for most of it.

after this, evander/matthas/deia solidify connections with the inquisition and join up as agents. matthas is allowed to remain at skyhold and starts serving the inquisition heart body and soul, and quickly rises through the ranks over the next several years. evander and deia return to minrathous and start sabotaging venatori operations on the home front, which is where deia learns the rogue trade lol, and they both eventually join the shadow dragons.

post trespasser THE INCIDENT occurs <3 what is THE INCIDENT you ask? well i'll tell you :) evander at this point had become increasingly distant and strange and disconnected from the inquisition/shadow dragon/mercar family goals and interests. much more interested in actual minrathous politics and larger wilder stuff. deia didnt think much of this until it accumulated in him being caught sabotaging inquisition missions and leaking intel to :) you guessed it!! :) solas. as an agent of fen'harel.

ashara (or someone acting on her orders) has him immediately arrested and he probably wouldve been executed if deia hadn't instantly broken him out and helped him flee. this wasnt a subtle heist situation btw. everybody knew it was her who helped him lol. and so naturally their entire family was stripped of their agent status including matthas, the person who loved and believed in and idolized the inquisition/ashara the most.

he did not take this well. he condemned evander but he also condemned deia for saving his life. and then promptly said fuck you to the whole family and dipped. evander had no choice but to go on the run, and so he left too. deia understood ev's motives and honestly kind of agreed with them to an extent (obviously neither one of them was aware of solas's true goals lol) as a fellow ~revolutionary~. but she loves matthas too and the lives they had been building so... its a whole situation. lol. anyway.

this was 5 years before datv. so for the last 5 years, deia has had to pick up the pieces of her shattered family, play the diplomat AND the freedom fighter, and walk the tightrope of fighting for change while also protecting her family. she assumes the alias rook while continuing her work in the shadow dragons in attempts to lay low, avoiding her connections with both the inquisition and - unwittingly - fen'harel.

as for her opinions on both - it's complicated. she empathizes with evander's admiration for solas, because solas represents on the surface a person she has always wanted to be. but she resents him for ruining her family's life. lol. and while she enjoyed her time with the inquisition and respects them for saving her life and giving her + her brothers a noble purpose, she resents ashara for having the gall to saved her life as a girl and then destroyed it as a woman, all while not even being able to recognize deia on the street, most likely. she sees both of them as authority figures with two much power and too much baggage be trusted, but she also sees both of her brothers in them. especially solas. and she desperately wants to FIX both of them, because if she can fix the rift between solas and ashara, she might be able to fix the rift between matthas and evander.

send tweet

[drift-compatible-poll]

Preliminary Round: Poll Runner's Choice

Ok, so this poll is gonna be a bit different. I picked six of my favorite submissions that didn't get in to put in this poll. Vote for who you would like to be in the main bracket the most, and the top three duos will be added to the bracket. So, without further ado...

Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III and Toothless(top left) vs Tsukioka Tsumugi and Takatou Tasuku(top right) vs Xingqiu and Chongyun(middle left) vs Rose Lalonde and Dave Strider(middle right) vs Mabel and Dipper Pines(bottom left) vs Lio Fotia and Galo Thymos(bottom right)

Propaganda for Hiccup and Toothless: "They literally read each others minds, they're so in sync, they trust each other so much"

Propaganda for Tsumugi and Tasuku: "they're childhood friends who started acting together in school! acting requires lots of trust in your fellow co-stars like for example if they mess up or forget a line you need to be able to cover for them and keep the show going. after years of acting they're very much in sync able to match each other's energy onstage during a performance. even the player character (default name: izumi) notes in her narration that these two have a special connection onstage that no one else in their theatre company has bc of their years of acting together <3"

Propaganda for Xingqiu and Chongyun: "They have several matching design elements that balance each other out, with Xingqiu being associated with dark blue and black while Chongyun is associated with light blue and white. Chongyun uses the ice element, while Xingqiu uses the water element, which makes them formidable (or at least troublesome, since they freeze the enemies constantly) in a team together in game. They're commonly seen or mentioned together, and while Chongyun occasionally complains about Xingqiu's pranks, they get along well enough that an entire section of Chongyun's character story (in his profile) is dedicated to his friendship with Xingqiu, and vice versa with Xingqiu's story. Chongyun is a very earnest and genuine person, while Xingqiu is a bit wily and a prankster - despite this, Chongyun trusts him over and over again, despite the trouble that Xingqiu's pranks often cause for him. sorry for submitting genshin and writing a whole wall of text lol"

Propaganda for Rose and Dave: "I'm bad explanations, but the short of it is that even though they're both very cagey people and try not to be themselves, they see through each other's façade."

Propaganda for Mabel and Dipper: "They're the bestest siblings ever. They're twins and have such a wonderful beautiful relationship. Their relationship so important for the show as a whole and Gravity Falls wouldn't be what it is if not for them. They're the reason why I strive to be a good sibling to my own brother. I've been obsessed with this show and them for so many years. They're my favourite and I love them so so much."

Propaganda for Lio and Galo: "First, the obvious- they literally co-pilot a mech during the movie, and them being in sync is required for it to function: the more they understand each other, the better they fight. Also, they're very effective foils: The ice-cold arsonist and the burning-hot firefighter, who are also (as close to canonically as Studio Trigger can get) in gay love."

[pumpkinstrawbrew]

What initially made you fancy Scarebat as a pairing?

oh my, that’s such an enchanting question, as it is brain wrecking. i honestly struggle to put my thoughts into proper words. it feel like it’s too little an’ too much at the same time.

but ah, you can say, that my very first brush with them as a ship happened years an’ years back, when a kid me was sitting in front of a TV, waiting for BTAS eps to air. essentially, they are the ship that i carried with me for the majority of my life, without ever realizing it. when i was a kid, terms like shipping an’ any meaningful ways of interacting with my fav fiction, wasn't smth that i could comprehend or really be into in any grand sense. back then, i was noticeably obsessed with their shared eps, a tad more than with some others. an’ i also was obsessed with this scene. looking back at it, this reaction made a lot of sense. it’s almost like falling in love with the thing at first sight, while having zero understanding as to why. 

there are many things, that make scarebat a very 1:1 ship for me. but i think what got my attention at first was the general feeling of their overall dynamic. i adore horror / mindfuckery-coded stuff, always had, an’ i adore how horror in general can be intertwined with allegories to deeper things, esp when it comes to love / obsession / connection, that you can only form / obtain while enduring smth *mutually* terrifying. i love intensity in fiction, some sort of conflict that cannot be just talked over.

bruce's an' jon's personalities play into this bit so well. almost too well, like this was crafted for oddballs like me, who crave confined, one-to-one dynamics the most. an' what i mean by this, is that they’re both fairly isolated, emotionally closed off people. one of them cannot keep most of his connections for long *bruce*, the other one is borderline incapable of doing it *jon*. but regardless of the differences behind the reasoning of them being left stranded, they are stuck in the same situation.

bruce’s public persona can only fool someone for so long, bc as soon as they want to know him a bit closer, things get complicated. one of problems, that most bruces face is that his approach to relationships an’ intimacy, makes it seem like no person could ever be good enough for him to open up. or it feels like this would take too much time, that no one seems to be willing to waste. an’ i’m not saying that there should be clear-cut acceptance of everything or instant clicking understanding, no. what i’m saying is that knowing bruce, truly knowing him means putting an ungodly an’ enormous effort into it, an’ it’s fair that most people won’t feel like doing it. bruce's mental an' emotional barriers are high. so unless someone is ready to climb them for years, an' forgive his inability to react to thing in the way they want / he needs to, there is just no way to ever get on the other side. an' in meantime, the reward for their hard work might not be enough to sustain them. eventually, it might look like that barrier is just going on forever.

in comparison, jon's situation is different, even if it results in the same thing. but where bruce is liked just enough for people to attempt an’ get close to him, no one ever bothered to know jonathan. no one was really understanding him, or trying to. he’s neither easy nor appealing to approach. he’s not charming. he’s not kind. he might have been a fairly harmless, humble lad in his youth, but he’s not humble about his current situation as adult at all. if anything, he’s unpleasant an’ often confrontative about it. ill-fittingly arrogant even. most of the time, viewed by others either as a sore loser or irredeemable monster. jon is used to people simply assuming things about him, without even talking to him first. so depending on his mood / state of mind, he reacts to it accordingly. he's also paranoid an' his main knee-jerk reactions are often violent or a bit too extra. this would seem like a waste of time to even try to know such a person, wouldn't it? esp if he bares his teeth more often, than he tries to be polite in return.

him an' bruce are actually very similar when it comes to their distrust of others. crane might get into monologues about how the others wronged him, bc he kinda knows that most people who he tells this to would either not care at all or die at his hands. there isn't any actualy exposure happening. just him venting. bruce has alfred, so he does tell him certain things, usually when he has no idea what to do or wants a second opinion on smth. but neither of those situations is the same as actually showing off your belly so to speak.

both batman an' scarecrow don't have a very healthy outlook on trust, vulnerability and' intimacy. i mean, jon has no idea what the last one is even, an' he had only bad expirience with the first two. so his view on it is ever worse. more warped. which makes a perfect reasoning why he often literally crowbars his way into batman's brain, kicking at his mental walls, an' getting past them that way, regardless if bruce wants it or not. an’ while jonathan does it with all of his victims, it doesn’t mean that it’s personal for him. oftentimes, he’s more focused on pleasure he gets from it vs what the person actually sees in terms of learning about them. their fear might be interesting to him, they themselves are not so much. that’s until batman. until time pass, an' they exposed to each other in certain ways for like 20 times. the sheer fact that they can only be fully vulnerable, when they hallucinating an' exposed to ft, with no one around to haunt them, but each other is pretty telling.

i love how their differences coexist very neatly with their similarities an' how their respective issues *a disorder in jon's case* only add to it. esp since it's not like just anybody would work for jon. he doesn't want just anybody. an' bruce had a lot of experiences with various people, be it sexual or romantic, but he needs an anti-social wacko to be his keeper, bc no one else would wish for his everything, due to who he is, rather than what they think he are. an' jon needs someone with that insane amount of belief in him, that won't write him off as a mere creep like everyone else did.

certain things can heavily depend on specific aus, or versions of them, but overall, the way they are confined in that psychological, emotional bubble is very bewitching for me. it’s like holding one of those glass balls an’ see what happens within it once you give it a shake. 

in general, scarebat is a rare kind of ship where everything works so nicely. their personalities, motivations, parallels that they have, along with differences that they use to fuel one another. man, even their designs an’ appearances *inside the costume or outside of it* collaborate amazingly into overarching story that can be told.

[timeausterrors]

hello! this is for the thoughts on homestuck! i think it's interesting how you can read the beta kids as the different troubles a kid could face growing up and, frankly in my opinion, john is no exception. i feel like his upbringing is emblematic of like... you can grow up in a good community in a happy household with a loving father and still not come out of it okay because it's not that simple. he reads SO clearly to me as that experience kids have with mental illness- you don't know what's going on other than there's something wrong with you, because nobody saw any reason to tell you anything else was a possibility. not to mention when you consider it in the transgender context. it's all the little unfortunate side effects of the classic suburban lifestyle that pile up on top of each other- by all means you should be happy, but here you are, just as discontent as all the rest of your friends. ...looks at the big textblock and starts sweating. john makes me feel a lot of emotions if you couldn't tell. i just think he's neat.

yes!! i hardly ever see true analysis of june, especially in early acts, which is wild because she is literally the Main Character. and there is really so much to explore with her, especially when it comes to her emotional struggles and connections with people.

SORRY I WENT OFF A BIT...

june has got to be one of the most heavily autistic coded characters in homestuck, which is saying something bc almost all of them can be read as some form of neurodivergent/mentally ill (or both). but june, specifically, is interesting because, as you said, she had the most "normal" upbringing of all of the kids, both alpha and beta, and by far has the hardest time making connections with people. she has a tendency to derail conversations towards her interests ('shitty' movies) and it often feels like making connections of events to her movies helps her process and relate to those events. she often takes people at their face value, and struggles to pick up on sarcasm or tone through text, and is very gullible because of it (terezi tricking alt june to fight her denizen early, then not taking dave or davesprite seriously until the last minute – she either believes everything someine tells her or nothing, depending on her pre-established notions of the person).

all of these make genuine relationships and connections difficult to build with june. the theme of loneliness with her is Extremely prevalent throughout the comic, even in the snapchat epilogues. she is like the manifestation of undiagnosed autism in children (especially young boys who are trans and dont know it yet). she has a caring dad and a 'good life' but her struggle to make irl connections and that feeling of knowing Something is different about you (or something is "wrong" with you) but not understanding what it is... i feel a lot of that is why june resonates with people.

this is not even going into detail about june's trans coding (be it intentional or not on hussie's end, a good portion of the kids have very real trans coding that i wish more people would appreciate cough cough jake, jane, eridan, the zahhaks.... cough cough cough) or her role in the narrative as both a breath player and a main character... it all paints and extremely compelling picture of this character and i really wish more people would appreciate her!!

sorry for da word wall... june also makes me feel a lot of emotions 🥹

[m1d-45]

man red and shade make me Insane because first of all. the age stuff. red is the version of diluc right after the whole shit w his 18th birthday while shade is current-day kaeya, so it'd be reasonable to assume that shade is most likely "older" than red bc of timeline stuff, BUT ALSO. like you cannot tell me that they don't completely ignore that and still go by the older-younger dynamic that both of them remember. you simply cannot. add on how apparently diluc was a Bastard Of A Kid, and boom. full dynamic right there.

so anyways what i'm saying is that if you leave them alone together red will absolutely rope shade into whatever scheme he has. like i imagine that they still have to be led into reconciliation with each other at first, but your god personally asking you to talk out your problems and try to reform your relationship with your (technically kind of) estranged brother is a really good motivator it turns out! it makes it easier to leave them alone together, but give it a week and shade is also glaring at diluc whenever he's nearby and oh no red what did you tell him.

i keep on picturing you coming home after a long day of meetings and walking in on red and shade coming up with an elaborate murder scheme (shade is the one making it elaborate. red would rather just go in and Fuck Shit Up) - teddy anon

you understand my vision

putting shade and red together in a room is. one of the ideas you’ve had.

they’re very different from their base selves, but red still holds a strange animosity. he’s diluc with all the anger and none of the time for it to cool, and shade has a permanent guilt lingering in his chest he never can place. he just feels… off around red, and doesn’t really know why.

it takes quite a bit of work to get red to adjust to shade, but the process only burns shade more. it’s complicated, to put it simply, and takes time.

but that time passes. with enough quiet interactions without you there, with enough trust that the other truly has your best interest in mind.. they can connect. red shares the fire that drives him, shade chipping at the ice digging into his heart. they talk around the ashes of your campfire, slowly coming to a conclusion.

once shade and red fully reconcile, it’s… dangerous. shade’s constant need for your attention mixed with red’s need for your safety and immense distrust of anyone but nikki or the other reflections makes for a startlingly effective team. you’re happy they’ve made up, really, but shade seems to be pulling you away from your obligations more often, and red sticks closer to your side than ever. on one hand it’s nice to see them get along, and you do appreciate the affection, but on the other, it’s more than a little concerning. you just hope that nothing bad comes of it..

(you’re a bit too late for that)

[tithe2hell]

thoughts (aroace fujoshism, sexuality of "play" vs "real" idk idk)

Fujoism is a really funny experience...I don't sexually get off to men and I don't find it attractive in the arousal sense and yet I find gay sex really aesthetically calming and fun... I feel like the way I articulate my fujoisms feels often like the way very chill straight men talk about their no homo aesthetic appreciation of guys and homoeroticism, as like an intriguing concept, perhaps on some level "locked out" of experiencing it in the "real" internal inherent appreciative way but still feeling impressed somehow.

I don't really feel a mournfulness or fomo-leading-to-self-actualization the way say, some of the usual timeline of like the fujos who turn out to be gay transmasc are, since I don't rly care to be a participant. And ig i feel different than the lesbian fujos since I don't feel the men are stand-ins for women or a general queer attraction necessarily. I think for me a lot of it is the pleasure of feeling "Outside" or other (the fujo cuck chair, as one expresses). Idk I think sex is fun and interesting as a subject and expression of characters and their desires, not *despite* not wanting it but maybe specifically *because* of not understanding or connecting to it.

Thinking about this because of a minor personal conflict earlier with a former friend which was sad and frustrating to me bc it was like they could not believe or understand that I, or other aroaces for that matter, could have interest in making art or consuming art about sexual subjects and being invested in such works emotionally without it being idk a symptom of being in a state of unhealthy sexual repression.

I think this made me really self conscious for a long while and also sad. Because of acephobia lol but also in a more vain sense, about my skills. Either one can be good at making sexually themed art, and that means you must be secretly Really Full of 'real' desires you're using art as a cheap substitute to idk avoid Living Your True Life. Or I'm just idk a freak who doesn't understand will never understand and any attempts at making art about this subject for which I am an outsider will look ridiculous, shallow, and insulting to the Real Sexuality Experiencers. And why should I even bother, huh!

The thing is I think for a lot of my experiences, both irl and artistic, I think a lot of it feels kind of...if not fake, like some sort of external performance more than internal since I don't have that internal desire drive I guess. I draw gay sex, I don't experience it, but I enjoy the concept about it. I kissed my lesbian friends and shared beds and space and showers w them and felt nothing inherently desirous about it in my body but I value the experience and intimate trust as something meaningful and fun. I've never had sex and don't particularly want to but I feel that if I ever did it would be a similar feeling of outsider-play, an appreciation from the outside of experience but nothing inherently bodily meaningful the way it is for other people. I guess this is where kink comes in for some but I don't think about it in terms of kink necessarily.

anyways just some thoughts. I feel my relationship to sexuality TLDR is just that to me it all feels fake and unreal but in a playful way, I don't mean to deny other ppl the way it is Real and Weighty and Impactful to their lives. I think this may be part of the reason why some dudes get pissed off at Fujos for the "fetishization" it's bc they're maybe doing the weight vs lightness thing....a sexual orientation and life identity is Serious Business vs the triviality of yaoi. Which I can respect, but also I think it ignores how the "triviality" of works is also not in itself identity, but Artistic Exploration, which by nature must have stylized playfulness to it that is not necessarily always attached to reality (although knowledge of reality always adds to art.) different goals exist then, to live vs. to create for its own sake. For many it overlaps but I do think they are different goals. And the frustration happens when ppl mix up the play-fake with the real, and that aspect I think goes both ways (the infamous anecdotes of the fujos harassing gay ppl like characters, but also of random dudes getting mad at someone posting an obviously fictional story or explicit sexual fantasy and being like "how could u fetishize MEEEEE" the boundaries being broken down in those instances)

[skysquid22]

SHISHIDO

Excellent choice!!

First Impression: I texted my brother as I watched cutscenes for Gaiden so I have an exact moment and my first mention of him is me talking about how much I love his jacket. He simply oozes style.

Impression Now: Still think his style kicks ass, but now I love the other aspects of his character. He carries such a unique charisma and steel determination that it’s hard not to feel for him even after everything. He deserves a good life that won’t abandon him.

Favorite Moment: All of Party Hardy but I’ll narrow it down to the exchange outside the restaurant when Tsuruno feels bad for not taking out the boys often enough and Shishido covers for him with an excuse that he’s just been busy with the boss. Distills his motivation and charisma into one moment with a great payoff down the line. Honorable mention goes to when he asks Kiryu and Watase to pose for a photo.

Idea For A Story: Plenty. I think the most pressing one would be what would’ve been the opening to an old Daidoji agent AU. Probably what I’d write returning to write Shishido. I don’t wanna give too much away, but it’d be a moody character study about the weight of his name(s).

Unpopular Opinion: hmmmmm… I can’t think of something for this one….

Favorite Relationship: I mean yeah obviously with Tsuruno. There’s an intriguing tug and pull here of both being really good characters but by virtue of who they are they can clash a lot but at the same time find a way to make up. The tension of the story and what they each want are both very different yet have overlap. It’s one of those relationships that’s interesting even when they’re not together bc they are bound to leave a big impact and impression on the other. There are a lot of different avenues to look at for them, but whatever path it goes down it won’t be like anything or any other relationship and I like that a lot.

Favorite Headcanon: Shishido put his funds into his own small apartment soon after becoming a yakuza. He’s a bit of a collector but more in terms of shit he finds cool. A guitar, he’s slowly learning to play purely through experimenting with strumming. Some fancy wall art he felt connected to and can’t for the life of him explain why. A paper doll tiger that sits near his pillow. Wine that he think tastes like shit but the bottle had a cool design. And the headcanon part of this set that tugs on me the most for whatever reason—he’s a plant dad. Has a bunch of massive ferns and monsteras and the like all over his apartment.

[ispyspookymansion]

kora if u feel comfortable could u talk about ur gender journey and relationship w lesbianism bc sometimes im like that tweet that's like. im probably trans but i have a job so idrc about that but. ough it's scary and confusing. what if im just butch.

oh wow! well let me think. going to put this under a cut because its longish

it was a much harder path for me to get to lesbianism than to get to Gender. i had a really hard time accepting that for some reason, it took a lot of agonizing, a lot of intentional repression, a lot of misery and wallowing around words and labels and avoidance and definitions. so by the time i got through that it then opened up some gender doors for me because lesbianism is inherently disruptive of the cisheterosexual matrix, but i really, really didnt want to go through that misery again, so i just decided it didnt matter what i was as far as gender and what mattered was how i felt and what made me happy. i only became confident in calling myself trans in the last ohh i dont know, 6 months? and yet ive been on T for a year! for me the actions came easier than the wording. i tried not to stress about what i was doing and whether it was or wasnt aligned with lesbianism. i trusted in our history of transness and masculinity and found a lot of comfort in talking to other butch and transmasc lesbians about their experiences and feelings, and found such a range of experiences that felt very relevant to me

ultimately, i feel like a lesbian. i knew that and i continue to know that. the way that i feel about the people im attracted to and the kinds of relationships i want to have is what connects me to lesbianism. i dont feel like lesbianism is my last thread to womanhood. it isnt a thread to that at all. theres too rich a history of gender defiance and creation to simplify it like that, so i dont let it be that for me. i dont feel dysphoric about being a lesbian even if cis(het) people might not understand me as being transmasc as well. + butch and transmasc arent exclusive and are often beautiful beautiful copilots in dykery !

i also find pursuing what makes me feel good matters a lot more than finding exact words for it. im not really sure what my gender is honestly? it took me a long time to get comfortable/feel like i was allowed to call myself lesbian, trans, and butch too honestly. but i went through a lot less misery when i took actions First to figure out what felt right and then accepted the words that naturally followed After. am i trans or am i not trans stressed me out much more than do i want to bind or not? do i want my voice to be lower or not? do i want to try a different name and pronouns or not? and then my answers to these led me to actions and opportunities that got me to feeling comfortably trans, without putting so much questioning strain on the lesbianism i felt at my core.

+ the opposite is helpful. crossing off what am i Not and what i dont want can be a lot easier than what Am i. woman has always been absolutely not right. trans took longer to feel right which is silly versus logically if i wasnt cis, i was trans, but i had to go in steos

i guess just remember that theres not a really hard line between butchness and the transmasc umbrella (other than personal definition obviously) and you can be one or both or one now and then later realize the other feels better. try to read about butches and he/him lesbians and transmasc dykes and talk to them where you can and enjoy the range of answers and identities and give yourself grace to explore that without so much pressure on whether its one or the other. youre still you regardless of what words to use to describe it so take your time figuring out what you want before you worry too much about what that means you “are”

ALSO you dont have to be butch to be trans and still a lesbian or vice versa you can be nonbinary or genderqueer or agender or genderfluid or etc etc etc and consider those under the label Trans and also be butch! or you can be those things but Not butch and still a lesbian! you can do whatever forever!

[astralscrivener]

For the End of the Year Book Ask! #3, #10, #16 <333 Let your correct onions be KNOWN Beautiful <3333

I LOVE TALKING ABOUT MY BOOK ONIONS

3. what were your top 5 books of the year?

FUCK this one took a lot of thinking

i had to go to my shelf of favorite reads of the year and it was. very tough to choose.

firstly is yellowface by r.f. kuang, which i talk about more in the next question (i answered these out of order oopsies)

second i think is the fifth season/the obelisk gate by n.k. jemisin. i read the fifth season both last year and this year for two different classes, and then finally got around to the sequel + am currently reading the third book and i am bonkers about them. i am thinking about essun and nassun and alabaster and hoa constantly. deeply unwell. a lot more geology than i had initially expected but i'm having a GREAT time

the long way to a small angry planet by becky chambers. my fucking beloved. i've literally owned the book since like 2021 but took forever to read it but i love it sooo much i love the entire wayfarer crew but i think about kizzy and ashby constantly. the socks match my hat scene was so small but lives in my head rent-free

circe by madeline miller!!!! this one is popular for a reason. i know a lot of people tend to prefer TSOA/their first introduction to miller's writing is TSOA but circe was mine bc i love the odyssey (and also the emily wilson odyssey came out before wiliad. so. i have not had the brain power to get thru the fagles translation of either one yet). anyway i loved this a lot. i connected a lot with circe as a person and a character and her entire web of relationships...i am so emo about it. also i am a circe/penelope truther and when i write a sci fi or fantasy novel very loosely inspired by their dynamic. then what. ....wait i might have just had a breakthru on one of my wips wait a minute—

and finally the haunting of hill house by shirley jackson. i think about eleanor too often. way too often. someone in the goodreads reviews commented on her loneliness and it clicked for me why i like her so much and i have not recovered <3

10. what was your favorite new release of the year?

out of the ones i read this year? yellowface by r.f. kuang. i don't read thrillers much but this one was so much. i loved it. chaotic satirical thriller criticizing the publishing industry and raising questions about ownvoices and representation, which authors and stories the industry rewards and prioritizes, the pitfalls of being a young prodigy, and also it was just bonkers. i know this one was divisive for some people but i loved it. i had a great time. i have not stopped thinking about "they called it a globule" for months.

16. what is the most overhyped book you read this year?

you know DAMN WELL what you were doing when you chose this question. kissing you on the mouth

anyway is this a safe space. is this a safe space for me to be bitch. f**rth wing. it was f**rth wing. spoilering so tumblr doesn't put it in the search for the stans to find me

it is bad. it is bad. i initially gave it i think 1.5 stars (rounded up to 2 on GR) but i hate it more every single time i think about it. there is just so much wrong with it as a book but is also emblematic of a lot of larger issues in publishing, and particularly with red tower as an imprint, but i do not have all day to rant or we will be here forever

end of year book ask!

[aardvaark]

Similar in the way cousins are

(im assuming this is re: this rb’ed post about annie edison from community & sophie devereaux from leverage. sorry if im totally incorrect lol)

yeah exactly!! like they have some huge differences in their character traits, including the archetypes they fit, but just some things……

both are - as the original post says - good at manipulating, terrible at acting (but think they’re great actors).

both tend to have friendship/relationship problems that are the result of that manipulation. annie often lies or manipulates people and then does the "disney face" as jeff calls it iirc, to get pity lol. sophie cons the team in season 1 and can’t really apologise.

both of them often attempt to be The Voice Of Reason TM (annie in an intellectual/logical way, sophie in an emotional intelligence way) but both are very much just as unhinged as the rest of their study group/team members.

both are obsessed w the most wet cat of a man to ever exist, but the arcs of jeff/annie and nate/sophie are very different in important ways. nate/sophie end up together. the series is very focused on changing these characters for the better, so they’re both in a better position to be in a healthy relationship.

annie starts off trying to be the respectable, sweet, smart, valedictorian-to-be. as the series progresses, she drops that act more and more and reveals her weirdness more openly, for better or worse lol. sophie starts off with a million masks, not really even knowing herself what’s underneath. and attempting to be the femme fatale to nate’s hardboiled quasi-detective, but eventually reveals her quirks and allows herself to be silly.

annie & abed vs sophie & parker. discuss.

nah but i always thought annie’s whole "trying to force abed to be more empathetic" thing in "Virtual Systems Analysis" was ironic bc she is not very empathetic. or, i guess… whether or not she feels empathy for people, she can do some very selfish or hurtful things if it’s in her own best interests. and it reminds me of a post i saw (which i need to find…) about the early sophie & parker relationship, how sophie is basically like "why can’t you just mask, i invented 300000 masks which i change every hour, it’s not that hard". as if her extreme way of dealing with social situations was the Normal And Healthy Way, and also obviously not considering that parker is autistic. sometimes i think annie’s frustrations with abed in that ep are kinda the same, like… annie, my love, you are so weird and bad at socialising, and you do really strange things to try to seem more normal or get your way (like manipulation), how in the world are you critiquing abed?? for simply being autistic?? it’s tinged with some self-hatred too i think, like she’s so intent on abed acting "normal" (ie, neurotypical) because she puts so much effort into acting "normal", in a different way. and from abed’s end, it’s just like… maybe being yourself is more worthwhile than obsessively covering up every insecurity or quirk or vulnerability to the point it consumes you. similar thing with sophie & parker. idk if im explaining that very well but yeah.

so definitely, they’re not super similar, but… cousins. yes. exactly. they share some features, enough that you can make the connection.

[dashielldeveron]

anon from mid december here! god i love winning. ANYWAY much to observe. i love the through lines of government assigned chapstick flavours and the defining moment that makes the soulmate connection work in every chapter. i love that immediately after posting you cited your sources on tenkos characterisation. very funny very charming and you are very right. i adore the mcs vibes she knows so much about so many things with a 50/50 chance of it being useful and she’s MESSY and she’s FIGURING IT OUT and her relationship with tenko teaches her to give herself grace. they’re just so sweet on each other it brings me endless delight as does touyas lil cameos. he’s a dirtbag and he’s a comedian and hes warmed up to the ducks and i want to put him and his fucking HOOVES in my pocket. i’m sure i will return with more thoughts at some point but for now. very delicious to me. WAIT NEW THOUGHT THE FUCKING INVENTORY KEY THING WAS AN EXAMPLE OF THE SOULMATE CONNECTION GOD YOURE GOOD. AND THE GOGGLES sorry i’m re reading the chapter as i type this

ASLDKJFA;SDFJKL;A YOU GET IT!!!!!

oh my god the DUCKS. i needed someone to notice the ducks oh my GOD. he BUILT them a HOUSE in his little art project garden he has a duck for SOME reason in dnd what a LOSER. like he's bonded so hard with them he wanted a fictional one, too!!! like. imagine touya just carrying a duck around in a purse like a small dog. both of them v v v judgy. enemies to lovers duck edition

lololololol "government assigned chapstick flavours" you canNOT tell me that these very kissable boys are only using, if any at all, generic unflavoured chapstick lol. it is STUPID how long i've had "post-canon tomura wears burt's bees tropical pineapple chapstick bc he specifically wants something that Tastes Good" stuck in my head; i'm so glad it's finally in fic and that you've been keeping track asdjfkl;

and yeah i wanted to reblog the shigaraki meta that i'd been considering!!!! bc while i was rereading the manga for this route, i realised that everyone, from police to heroes to villains to students, just make Large Assumptions about shigaraki, and they just Say Things about him. and everyone around them just takes it as fact??? it's like. we the audience are being told things about shigaraki, but they don't match up at all with how we see him act. i am hoping that this is intentional on hori's part, esp. with how heavy-handed shig commentary has been by other characters in the last few chapters, to make the point of "midoriya is the only one who's ever Looked and shigaraki and Perceived." bc, like, AFO and the pro heroes objectify/dehumanise tomura but in different ways. i worry. but so much of what we're shown of shig just doesn't match up with what characters say about him!!! it's odd. i really like him, despite being Told That He Is an Object, specifically one of destruction.

goddddd reader in this route is messy and i have a lot of compassion for her. i think she should allow herself to get angry more often. but i think that gifted kid burnout and basically moving back into your parents' house and people judging your "bad" life decisions even though they can't Know what you're going through--it's a touchy subject, tinged with shame and confusion and insecurity of identity, and tomura, i think, is experiencing his own flavour of that, since he doesn't get to be the Greatest Evil VIllain version of himself that he had in his head for so long and now is Just Some Guy. i didn't want reader to have a saviour complex but i wanted her to Care So Hard, and i hope that came across, esp. since her caring so hard also works with her own insecurities.

also yessssssssss YESSSSSS the KEY the GOGGLES it was there in front of them the whole time!!!!! but they weren't looking for it!!!! bc when soulmate bonds are words and marks, who the fuck is gonna be looking for a soulmate bond in just some weird triviality????? lolololol i talk about wanting to handle tomura with care but gave him the silliest soulmate bond thing. i like how useless it is, because it's, like, tomura doesn't need to be useful rn, either.

godddddd i'm so glad you sent me an ask so i could talk about thissssssss. i'm SO fucking glad that you're noticing details like this and having fun with them!!!!! i am, too!!!!! i love tomura and you and i hope you are having a good 2024 so far!!!! xx.