#office pig

[dionysianchub]

I've had this ongoing fantasy of being my office's communal pet pig. Everyone's blubbered up little toy to fatten, play with, and abuse to get their stress out and get through the day.

In the mornings come the sweets. Donuts, muffins, scones, and every sticky, sugary breakfast treat that can be carried in those familiar pink boxes gets delivered to my desk. People take turns shoving a few pastries in my mouth before wiping the sticky mess from their fingers onto my too-tight shirt, a couple of them give my belly a few firm slaps before heading to their desk to work. A few stay behind to watch me paw through the pastries, gorging myself as my chair creaks weakly as it struggles to support my growing weight. They have a betting pool going to see how much longer it can hold out.

At lunch time they come by with the unwanted scraps of their own meals, a few committed individuals packing full lunches just for the office pig. They marvel at my gluttony, treating me like the human garbage disposal I am, and watching in mixed pleasure and disgust as I eat everything they give me through heavy breaths and muffled burps. "Good job, fatass." they say, grabbing and shaking one of my overflowing rolls and watching my fat body ripple from the motion. A stray button flies off my shirt, and the person feeding me starts fingering the newly exposed gap in the fabric, prodding my plush blubber as they shove another large bite of food down my throat.

At the end of the day I'm waddling to get to my car, painfully stuffed and aroused from being used as everyone's tubby stress ball all day long, clothing barely hanging on, stretched over the too-full belly now hanging out the bottom of my shrinking shirt. And it's only Wednesday.

[sweetbabythug]

bored

[thegayneapigs]

meet mama sara's new office assistant! ⭐

she has extensive experience in (veggie) quality assurance, preparing wheekly updates, and office administration (bossing her cagemate around). 💕

[shiftythrifting]

Been saving these excellent art pieces up for a bit. From top to bottom

1. I legitimately thought this was x-files shipping fanart at first glance. Looking at it now I still think it might be.

2. Just a canvas print of a pig race I guess

3. Pov Sander Cohen serving you a drink

4. Classic velvet marker painting. This was my childhood

5. The catvengers

[ducktracy]

saw "75 influences in 75 seconds" on Twitter and decided to give a go at it! i didn't realize how much print cartooning/fine art/still, non moving images had a stranglehold on me until making this! I'm inspired by so much and so fleetingly it's hard to make a list... still fun to make!

[incorrectsistersgrimmquotes]

Sabrina: You gotta admit. A wolf stopping kids in the middle of the woods? That's pretty creepy.

Relda: True. But we don't arrest people for being creepy.

Hamstead: [into walkie talkie] Hey Boarman, you know the guy we got down at the station?

Boarman: Uh, the creepy one?

Hamstead: Yeah, better let him go.

[bonebabbles]

God the new ultimate guide sucks

It's not JUST the awful art, either. The art's just worth mentioning because even if the book's info had been terrible or contained nothing new, really cute art can make it still worth having.

But, no, it's even full of recycled lines we've been hearing for years like "Bramblestar Can Match Squirrelflight's Fire Not Contain It," and that's when it DOES get everything right. These entries leave out major, important details (making them bad summaries) and are sometimes even straight-up incorrect.

SUMMARY THOUGHTS

Leafpool is said to have watched Brambleclaw kill Hawkfrost to save Firestar-- but for one, no, she was not there because Ashfur was still leading her and Squilf towards the scene. For two, no, Brambleclaw did not kill Hawkfrost just to save Firestar, it was self-defense. Hawkfrost had him pinned and was going to kill him.

They're REAL cute about Leafpool's death, too, neglecting to mention WHY the Sisters needed to be saved at all and just saying Leafpool's "generosity" lead to her death in that cave-in.

I'm not even going to get into everything on Bramble's entry jesus christ.

Sagewhisker's entry is ESPECIALLY fucken' dandy, framing Yellowfang's Secret like she was simply waiting patiently for Yellow to realize her 'destiny' and not actively shoving it on her at every opportunity.

Leopardstar's entry states that romantic interest in Tigerstar was part of her motivation. "Perhaps she'd hoped he would be her mate" please speak to a woman irl for once in your life.

Gray Wing's entry forgot that the reason he "blamed himself" for Bright Stream's death is because he was literally staring at his big strong brother too much and tripped on a root in front of him. It IS his fault she died.

Clear Sky/Skystar's entry is just obscene. "He regretted abandoning his son and after a fire, he encouraged him to live with him" instead of "saw his teenage child was useful now and bullied and belittled the kid and his uncle into letting Thunder come with him." "Retaining his fierceness towards his cats and outsiders which caused his son to leave" instead of "murdering, brutalizing, and abusing everyone around him caused Thunder to leave." I'll just say this tho; "Fierce" is an interesting way to spell "Cruel."

It's interesting that they don't point out that a major part of Jagged Peak's arc was proving he was "Just As Good" as every other cat in spite of his disability, thanks to his introduced-and-pregnant-in-the-same-book wife becoming his life coach, only earning Clear Sky's respect after being allowed to physically lead a patrol in Blazing Star. Instead they frame him finding his place through taking care of kits, which... was something he seemed to resent in the actual series, considering how the books suddenly treat Gray Wing's protective treatment of him as a terrible thing in Blazing Star because he "didn't give him a chance". But at the same time I actually strongly dislike Jagged Peak and his messy, frustrating character arc so I'm not really UPSET with it. Just... noting it. I suppose this is the official direction they're taking away from it?

Shadowstar's entry is barely even 3 paragraphs yikes.

SHORT STORY THOUGHTS

And if you're wondering if the 4 brand new stories they smooshed into the end in a desperate attempt to make the rush job worth buying are good? No. Of course not. They're all slop.

Story 1: Firestar and Graystripe

First one's a marginally cute story about Graystripe and Firestar which is setting up the framing device linking the mini-tales together. They both remember this situation where Firestar fell into a ditch wrong. The punchline is that Thunderstar remembers it perfectly and they're both like, "WOW! Too bad Thunderstar's memory sucks!"

It's not terrible, but it does feel a bit pointless. But, hey, if you want more Firestar and Graystripe in the series that tosses them fanservice at every turn, who am I to judge?

Story 2: Dovewing and Ivypool

The next one is the Dovewing/Ivypool reconciliation passage everyone's talking about. It's... fine, but immensely dissatisfying to me.

Dovewing is apparently having problems adjusting to her Clan, grapples a little bit with the fact she has no friends but is going to be finding meaning in helping tigerHeartstar "bring the new ShadowClan into existence." She ultimately decides that she needs to talk to her sister, and begs for reassurance that Ivypool believes in her, feeling that her support can help her get through this difficult time in her life.

I think its biggest problem is that Dovewing was not the right choice for the POV here.

Dove was never the one responsible for the rift in their relationship. Ivypool is. Ivypool is the one who was jealous, willing to sabotage anything that would put Dovewing closer to Tigerheart, and continues to be generally aggressive towards her. So when Dovewing is reaching out to Ivypool in hopes of them reconciling, it feels wrong because Ivypool is the one that should be reaching out to Dovewing. SHE is the one who has some things to apologize for, and to show how much she loves and misses her.

It's even kind of frustrating, because Dovewing can never catch a break. She has to have these problems to force her to reach out, Ivypool even ends up suggesting that she leave and come home and take her kids with her, but in the end even a LITTLE bit of assurance from her aggressive sister helps.

I feel super bad for Dovewing, man. She deserves better than this cheap writing. What was the point of such an unsatisfying, rushed reconciliation, shoved into a crummy field guide, when we KNOW from the newest book that they're just going to use tension between them as part of the drama anyway?

shouldn't have even been written, imo. Even ends off with, "They'll always have each other :)" which is so... cliche. It's TIRED. Are any of you really happy with just getting a retconned platitude in a good-for-nothing field guide, instead of seeing complicated, INTERESTING feelings in a main book?

Story 3: Alderheart and Twigbranch

A tale of Cherryfall getting sick during TBC and Alderheart sneaks back into the territory to treat her. Also Crowfeather has a scene where he yells at him. Charming.

Twigbranch comes up with a diversion while Alderheart does his work, which is cute. It's a fine story.

Story 4: Clear Sky

Trash. Three dogs spawn in the middle of a gathering so that Skystar can have an uwu big boy sendoff saving his grandkit. Then he goes to StarClan and throws a fit because they can't give him ANOTHER life, becoming so upset that he attacks the nearest woman. Naturally, Shadowstar brushes it off because it's not the first time Clear Sky has pummeled her in the midst of an adult tantrum and this book series thinks violence is fine if their favorite sadboy does it.

Then Gray Wing brings him to the magic mirror pool where you can see the living, to confirm that Star Flower is ok and that makes him feel better.

Then it launches into Firestar saying "ouuuugh yum I LOVE the taste of his butthole. Clear Sky is so misunderstood, He Just Loved Too Much."

to which Graystripe responds, "Yes, he was a good and amazing person and his farts smells SO good, and can you believe that some people think StarClan punished his Clan for his arrogance? As if he ever did anything wrong, ever?"

Firestar, indignant, refutes it with, "Ugh!! StarClan would NEVER be interesting, we don't punish living cats we just float around and make vague, frustrating prophecies that do nothing but pad the word count. Why cant ppl understand that, gosh."

who wrote this? Gray Wing??

[arainmorn-art]

Deciphering, pages 55-57 Pheenie, get ready.  Finally had some time for my comic :3 [Previous page]  [Masterpost]   [Next page] Deciphering - a story about two friends solving a murder case and finding out a true nature of their relationship. Based on Ace Attorney. Insta - https://www.instagram.com/arainmorn/   DeviantArt - https://www.deviantart.com/arainmorn/gallery

Twitter - https://twitter.com/ArainMorn_art

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[drumlincountry]

Litany against running for local government:

- I'm LITERALLY an anarchist

- I'd hate it

- local government in Ireland is demonstrably undemocratic such that the structure that exists would not allow me to actually represent people well even if I wanted to and they wanted me to.

- what if they found my blog

- my mother would be SO DISAPPOINTED

[risingsunresistance]

...ok orange it is then-

[queerism1969]

[incorrectlooneytunesquotes]

Daffy (as devil): Porky, Porky, Porky. Porky, Porky, Porky, Porky, Porky, Porky, Porky! Porky: Oh, h-h-h-h-h-h-hey, D-D-D-D-D-Daffy. Daffy: I'm going to be your new boths! It's my greatest dream come true. Welcome to the Hotel Hell. Check-in time is now! Check-out time is never! Porky: D-d-d-d-d-does my room have c-c-cable? Daffy: No. And the sheets are made of fire! Porky: C-c-c-c-c-c-c-can I ch-ch-change rooms? Daffy: Sthorry, we're all booked up. Hell convention in town. Porky: C-can I have a l-l-l-late check-out? Daffy: I'll have to talk to the manager. Porky: Y-y-y-y-y-y-you're not the m-m-manager? Even in your own f-f-f-fantasy? Daffy: I'm the owner. The co-owner. With Sthatan. Porky: Okay, j-j-just so I understand it: in your w-w-w-w-w-w-wildest f-f-fantasy, you are in H-Hell, and you are co-running a bed and breakfast with the D-D-D-Devil. Daffy: Yeah, but I haven't told you my sthalary yet. Porky: G-g-g-g-g-g-g-go. Daffy: $80,000 a year!

[lord-squiggletits]

IDW1 must take place on an alternate Earth where no one has ever heard of ACAB and everyone wears "thin blue line" merchandise because there's literally no other way that a single Autobot killing a USAmerican cop in self defense would be such worldwide news that even Mexican journalists would go "OMG???? You like, killed a cop?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?" and it wasn't even framed as like, "you killed a human," the phrasing every time any character talked about it was very specifically "he killed a cop".

The cop was also threatening to shoot a group of surrendering/not-attacking/injured Autobots btw which is just the icing on the cake honestly lmao

[horsemeatluvr23]

skizz and scar are not exempt from all cops are bastards...... they must die

[cowplant-pizza]

so guys i got a video of the potato squad today (the guinea pigs im adopting on sat) and juST LOOK HOW CUTE THEY ARE!!!! i’m so exited!!!