#off more than i can chew which is what i always seem to do. im falling behind or stuck in every possible aspect of my life rn it’s sooooo um

[pepprs]

i wish i wasn’t depressed lol

[rubyreduji]

timeless — ljh

summary: you’ve just met jihoon, yet something about him feels familiar

tags: fluff, romance, reincarnation?, gn!reader warnings: arranged marriages, mentions of death and war  reader notes: no pronouns or explicit gender descriptions but they do take a more feminine role in history, jihoon picks up the reader but my mans is strong okay don’t worry wc: 10.3k an: i’ve been writing this for over a month now fjdskla and i like the finished product but im a bit worried the format is choppy but either way please enjoy and show it lots of love...also happy first fic of the 2nd year of rubyreduji!!!

“Soonyoung, stop it!” You scold your best friend as he giggles at you.

“Just go talk to him!” Soonyoung tells you, pushing you towards the door to the antique shop next to your favorite boba place. 

Him refers to the cute cashier you always see through the windows when you and Soonyoung go and get boba (which is about three times a week). It’s nothing more than a hallway crush but Soonyoung keeps insisting that it could be more than that if you would just go talk to him. 

You don’t actually want to talk to the boy who stands at the counter with a smile, but before you can stop him Soonyoung is opening the door to the store and forcing you inside. When you turn around to chew your best friend out, you find him not there, his back already retreating to the boba shop. 

A part of you wants to just dash back out the door but the bell attached to the door has already gotten the attention of the cashier and you can’t escape now.

“Welcome to The Eternity Emorpium, today anything marked with a green sticker is 20% off.” The voice isn’t what you expected Cute Cashier to sound like but when you turn around to face him, you realize you’re not talking to Cute Cashier at all.

Rather than the tall boy with glasses you’ve been peeking in on for the past few months, you come face to face with a short yet buff boy with long black hair. He most definitely is not the guy you came in for, but you have to admit he is just as (if not more) cute than the other cashier.

You’re not sure how you didn’t notice that your normal Cute Cashier wasn't behind the counter, but in your defense you were too busy fighting off Soonyoung.

You give the new cashier—who you have now dubbed Even Cuter Cashier—a smile, before pretending to look at all of the memorabilia set out. The actual shop is nice with an obvious theme and specific layout that only someone with an eye for aesthetic and organization could create. On the speakers a Bruno Mars song is playing and you wonder if it's the cashier who has control over the music or just a general store playlist.

You feel awkward walking around the shop, letting out fake hums every once in a while to make it seem like you're actually shopping and not just sneaking glances at Even Cuter Cashier whenever you can. You stop in front of a playing card deck and you pick it up, flipping it over in your hand a couple of times.

"Oh, we just got those in," Even Cuter Cashier says, startling you a bit. "Put them on the floor this morning. You into cards?"

"Oh, uh," Shit. This is your chance to talk to him, "yeah. My dad is more of a collector than I am, but I can see the appeal."

"Nice. Yeah I'm more of a guitar collector myself, but my wallet wishes I wasn't," he says and you both laugh.

"That's cool though. I would love to learn how to play an instrument but I definitely don't have the talent or patience for that." As you speak with the man you slowly start to drift towards the counter.

"Hey, anyone can be talented, it just takes practice." You quickly glance down at Even Cuter Cashier's name tag to see his actual name is Jihoon.

"Good inspirational quote, but I think I'll just stick to the playing cards," you tell him with a grin as you set the pack down in front of him.

Jihoon just pushes the cards back to you and when you give him a questioning look he just grins. "They’re on the house.”

“Oh no, you don’t have to do that,” you tell him.

“I wanted to,” he says. “Maybe it’s just my plan to get you to come in here again.”

You smile at Jihoon, your face starting to turn a bit hot. You pick up the pack of cards and bid goodbye to the cashier before turning and leaving. Soonyoung is standing outside the door with two boba cups in hand. He peeks in when you open the door and frowns.

“That’s not Cute Cashier.”

“Nope! That’s Even Cuter Cashier,” you tell your best friend.

“You’re abandoning the other guy already?”

“I can’t abandon someone I don’t even know,” you scoff, “and anyway, I think I like Even Cuter Cashier. Something about him…it feels like destiny.”

Soonyoung laughs at you, but you ignore him, your mind still lingering on the dark haired boy from earlier. The more you think about him, the more your heart starts to grow warm. You can’t place it, but something about Jihoon feels familiar, and you need more.

1500s

“You are to be married to Prince Wonwoo before the solstice hits.”

Your head shoots up, staring at your father, not sure if you hear his words correctly. There’s no possible way he said that. You can think of a dozen reasons why that’s impossible, a few including: 1. You’ve never met Prince Wonwoo in your life, why would he want you as his betrothed? 2. You two did not have a courtship and it would be a scandal for you two to get married without presenting as a couple to the public first. 3. Your family is not nearly important enough to be noticed by royalty. 4. (And this is the biggest one) You are in love with someone else.

Well, your father doesn’t know that you’re in love with someone else, but it’s still an important fact to note.

Despite all of these reasons, your father continues to talk about the arrangement, not noticing the shock on your face. You wonder about how it came to be, and without you hearing even a whisper about it.

“You will be meeting with a royal advisor in two days, please do not cause any trouble.” With that your father walks ways, leaving you with a million questions brewing your mind.

The main one being: how are you going to tell Jihoon about this?

For over a year now you’ve been seeing the same man, sneaking out whenever you can to meet him. He came into town with a bang (quite literally — his caravan practically falling apart with all of his belongings crashing to the ground as it did) and you’ve been captivated by him since. 

Your days are never boring when Jihoon is around, the two of you either going on adventures or hanging out in Jihoon’s (new) caravan. Though, you think your most favorite times spent with Jihoon are late at night, when you two meet up on the outskirts of your estate grounds, right on the edge of the forest.

There never is any guessing as to what Jihoon has planned. Some days you two walk around the garden under the moonlight, talking and gazing up at the stars, while other nights you’re whisked off to another town to dance the night away in a hidden tavern. You love the guise of the night, being able to do whatever and be whoever without the fear of onlookers and their judgment. It’s just you and Jihoon in your own little world.

Maybe that’s why you’ve been keeping him a secret for so long, you like keeping him all to yourself. No one can taint your relationship if they don't know about it. Though you suppose that has backfired on you now.

You don’t see your father for the rest of the night and when the sunsets and you slip out the back door and walk down to the forest edge, you do it with a heavy heart. As always Jihoon is standing next to the tree he carved your initials in, a wide grin on his face and a bouquet of flowers in his hands.

As soon as he spots you approaching his face lights up in a grin. He trots up to you the rest of the way, scooping you up into a hug.

"I've missed you," he says, pressing kisses to your lips and cheeks. You giggle at his antics.

"You saw me two days ago, my dear."

"Oh but that's two days too long for an aching heart in love." 

Other people may think it's cheesy but you can't help but adore the sweet way Jihoon talks to you, always putting his poet background to good use. You smile as Jihoon holds you in his arms, but soon the good mood is ruined by the news you remember you have to break to him.

"What's wrong, my love?" Jihoon asks, seeing the fallen look on your face. He reaches up and pushes your hair out of your face, a habit he has picked up since you two met. 

You just sigh and shift so you're out of Jihoon's embrace. Automatically you miss his strong arms around your waist, but you can't bear to look at him as you talk.

“My father has given me away to another man,” you tell him in a hushed voice. 

“Who?” Jihoon responds automatically. “I won’t let him take you. I-I’ll fight.”

You finally turn towards Jihoon, the solemn look still firm on your face. “I’m betrothed to Prince Wonwoo.”

“Prince Wonwoo?!” Jihoon looks taken aback. You don’t blame him. Suddenly he deflates. “How am I going to beat that?”

You’re not sure how to respond. The truth is Jihoon can’t compete. That doesn’t mean you’re going to give up hope on him, though.

“We’ll…we’ll figure something out,” you finally say. You step closer to Jihoon, allowing him to wrap you up in his embrace once again.

“I’m not giving up on us,” Jihoon tells you, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

“We’ll be fine. We have to be.”

When your father told you you’d be meeting with a royal advisor, this isn’t exactly what you were expecting.

When you arrived at the castle you were amazed at the size of it, but you weren’t allowed to gawk for long, being ushered into a sitting room where two men were already conversing. Neither were your soon to be husband though and you wondered when you might actually get to meet the prince.

The two men soon introduced themselves as Soonyoung and Mingyu, two of Prince Wonwoo’s most trusted men. Now two hours later, you’re starting to question the judgment of your betrothed.

Not only are the men completely scatterbrained and disorganized, they also seem to bicker more often than not, making it difficult for you to understand everything they’re telling you. The only thing you really comprehend is that you’re going to be spending a lot more time with the two men up until the wedding.

You’re given a schedule at the end of the day, your upcoming weeks all planned out for you already. Meeting with wedding coordinators, royalty training, garment fittings, and everything else of the like. You frown, thinking about your normally free schedule has now been filled.

Luckily for you, the meeting finished earlier than expected and you don’t hesitate to direct yourself towards the area where Jihoon’s caravan resides. Your lover is delighted to see you but before he can get any words out you’re throwing yourself at him, pulling him into a kiss. You’re desperate to drown in Jihoon and forget reality even just for a moment.

It isn’t until later that you and Jihoon finally exchange words. 

“I can hear you thinking,” Jihoon says. You two lay next to each other on his bed, bare bodies pressed together under the linens. Your head rests on his chest and his hands card through your hair. “Was I not satisfactory in taking your thoughts away? What is troubling your mind so much?

“Prince Wonwoo.”

“You’re thinking about Prince Wonwoo after laying so intimately with me?”

“No! Well yes, but- I- shut up,” you grumble, smacking Jihoon’s chest, making his laugh.

You’ve never met the prince before, though you are well knowledged on him. It’s hard not to be when he is to take over the crown in a few years. You try not to think about how that will make you the queen consort.

You’ve only seen Prince Wonwoo in person a handful of times, none too recently, but you still know the prince is very handsome. Not as handsome as you find Jihoon, though you may be a bit biased. He’s also said to be kind, smart, level-headed, and well calculated. You suppose it could be worse. 

“I met with his advisors today,” you tell Jihoon. “I guess it’s just all hitting me. This really is going to happen.”

“Hey, listen to me,” Jihoon moves so he can stare at you in the face, “no matter what happens, I will always love you. My heart is still yours.”

“And mine yours,” you tell him softly. “I love you Lee Jihoon. Never forget that.”

You don’t see Jihoon for a while. Your schedule is packed with futile meetings that take up your day and with the news of your engagement to the prince (who you have still yet to meet), there are guards outside of your estate at night.

You suppose you are fortunate that Mingyu and Soonyoung have grown on you in the past few weeks. Though you still think them foolish, you also have a fondness for the pair. You see why Prince Wonwoo puts his trust in them. You find yourself wanting to confide in them, though there is one thing that still remains a secret.

It isn’t until the night before your wedding that you see your love. You are able to lose your guards for a second and you make a beeline straight to Jihoon’s caravan. He’s still awake, sitting outside and staring up at the starry sky when you approach.

“My dear,” you call out to him. Jihoon looks away from the sky to meet your face, a look of surprise flashes over his face before they form into a soft smile.

“You know you really shouldn’t be out so late at night, it is not safe.”

“Well then, why don’t you help me find some shelter kind sir,” you tell him. Jihoon just grins and grabs your hand, pulling you into his home. 

You two spent the night wrapped up in each other, exchanging soft kisses and even softer words. When the morning comes Jihoon is still asleep when you awake and while you’d love to give him a proper goodbye, you know you already pushed your luck enough spending the whole night out.

You quickly find a quill and some ink and you grab a piece of Jihoon’s writing parchment and scribble a quick note to him before slipping out the door. It’s only after the caravan is out of sight that you let your tears fall.

The first time you meet Prince Wonwoo is at the altar. Up close he’s even more handsome than you imagined, with soft facial features and kind eyes. You can’t help but still feel a bit disappointed, staring at the stranger in front of you as you recite your wedding vows.

The chapel where you are being wed is packed full of people, mostly nobility. Your attire is suffocating, despite being fitted for it thrice. Across from you, the prince keeps a neutral face and you wonder about his own involvement in this arrangement. 

He’s dressed in a formal outfit fit for royalty. The colors pair with your own dressings and you wonder what you two look like from the outfit. A newly bonded couple who will eventually be ruling the whole country. Are you two a handsome, strong presenting couple? Or do you two look like two fools who have never met before?

You were surprised at the way the public took the news of the engagement. You were expecting backlash against the prince, but he is well loved by the public and they were all happy to see the young man finding a partner to settle down with before stepping up to the throne. Despite never having been seen together in public before today, there was a wide talk of your (fake) courtship and how you must be very lucky to have the prince hold your heart.

If only they knew that a lonely, penniless poet was the real caretaker of your love.

It isn’t until the words leave the officiant’s mouth that you realize you will have to kiss the prince. Not only to end the ceremony but for the public to see you two unite as one. You must look as taken aback as you feel because your now husband takes the initiative, stepping forward to close the distance between you two.

Wonwoo cups your face gingerly, his hands are cold and his fingers are boney. He stares at you for a moment, dark eyes gazing into your soul, before he finally leans in.

The moment his lips press against yours you want to jerk out of his hold. It feels wrong. Your lips don’t fit together nicely and there’s no warmth exchanged between you two. You’re both stiff and you note how Wonwoo’s lips aren't as full as Jihoon’s. 

The kiss is over within seconds but the damage has been done and you can’t shake the dirty feeling that has grown under your skin. Wonwoo’s hand slides down your arm to clasp your fingers together. Another sign of unity for the public. You force a smile on your face, but the only thing you can think about is how your heart is miles away, in a small caravan on the edge of town.

My love,

I am not sure how you were able to convince the prince’s closest man to be a part of this, but I cannot say am I ungrateful for him. Though I do find him quite eccentric (and slightly obnoxious) I must give him my gratitude.

I miss you tremendously, but the past few letters you have sent me have been acting as bandages over my heart. I read them whenever I feel an ache of your absence, which is quite often.

It is unfortunate you find royal life boring. If I could, you know that I would sweep you off to the farthest lands where we would explore the area during the day and revel at night. I would show you the large world out there and we could experience new joys together. 

How I long to have you lay by my side at night. To feel your soft, tender skin against my fingertips. It pains me to even think about it, but it would kill me not to. 

I will never stop fighting for us.

Write back soon,

Your Jihoon

My darling,

I saw you today. I was taken quite off guard when I saw you riding in the carriage, next to Prince Wonwoo. I admit, you two make a handsome couple, but not more handsome than us.

It’s been so long since I’ve seen your beautiful face in person, that even seeing you with another man made my heart sing. I couldn’t pull my eyes from you, doing my best to soak in the sight of you because you were once again gone.

You looked quite winsome sitting in the carriage, but you did not look like you. Are you required to wear such extremities every day, or were you dressed for the occasion? Either way I cannot imagine the process of getting ready to be a swift one. 

If I am being honest I do not find the purpose of such efforts. Does the prince not find your natural beauty fit to his standards? If so then off with him. Any person with eyes would be fortunate to gaze upon you. I know I was.

Seeing you has only made me yearn more for you. I know it has only been a few weeks since your matrimony to Prince Wonwoo, but to me it has been lifetimes. How I crave to feel your touch, to hear your voice, to kiss your lips.

I know that the idea is futile but I will never give up on you. No matter what, I am still yours. And I hope you are still mine. Even if I only see a glimpse of you once every decade, my heart will still burn for you.

Forever yours,

Your Jihoon

To my heart,

Though you are always in my thoughts, you have been overtaking my mind more often than not lately. Please do not think I am upset about this, it is quite the opposite, but I am afraid I have been missing you a great deal more than usual.

Maybe it is due to a conversation I had the other day. I was at a tavern, catching up with an old acquaintance who was in town, and you came up. Jeonghan questioned if there was a reason why I had settled here and wondered if it was ‘due to my heart’. I laughed and confirmed his suspicions.

We spent a deal of time after that talking about you. It felt liberating being able to speak of you to someone else. I must have rambled on for at least an hour before Jeonghan finally cut me off, telling me how lucky I must be to have someone like you in my life. I had no choice other than to agree with him.

Speaking about you and thinking about you has thrown me into a tumultuous frame of mind. It is quite shameful how often I get lost in fantasies of us and what I wish we could be. You have overtaken my mind, body, and soul. There is not a single night where I do not dream of you.

I hope our future king can see how fortunate he is to be married to you. I would kill thousands of men to be in his position. Your smile itself is worth more than every jewel on his crown. I know I am just waxing poetic at you, but that is my job.

I know we must stay apart, but please mourn the future we could have had for me. Please write back to me with every thought you have about our imaginary future, because even if I cannot have the real thing, my dreams will be enough for me.

Dream of me as well,

Your Jihoon 

The life between you and your husband is…comfortable. You two talk, but not often and seldom about anything that is not shallow or mundane. You two sleep side by side at night but the last time you two touched each other was when you danced at your wedding and while his days are spent in meeting, yours are spent wandering the castle grounds and having tea with Soonyoung and Mingyu.

The only thing you find yourself looking forward to in your days anymore is the nightly lettering that you receive from Jihoon. It was only a week into the marriage when Soonyoung noticed how miserable you were. Without being able to hold it in anymore, you told the man about your lover and your heartbreak. It was then that Soonyoung suggested he help you out, acting as a carriage pigeon to deliver letters to and from Jihoon.

One night you are sitting at the desk in your shared chambers with Wonwoo, writing your letter for Jihoon, when Wonwoo speaks up. He is sitting on the bed across the room and his deep voice startles you, not used to talking to the man like this.

“Are you happy?” Wonwoo asks you bluntly, after calling out your name. You take only a moment to form an answer.

“I am content, my lord,” you tell him. Though you have stopped referring to the man as “Prince Wonwoo” in your mind, you cannot help but tack on the formal titles at the end of your sentences to the man.

“But you are not happy. Why?”

“Rest assured your highness, it is nothing you’ve done.”

“Does it have anything to do with the letters Soonyoung delivers to you each evening? The letters you are writing back right now?” You freeze in your seat. You were unaware he knew, but the prince is not ignorant. You suppose you couldn’t keep it a secret forever.

“I-”

“Do not mistake my curiosity for accusation. I’m aware this arrangement is not an ideal situation, and I would not be upset if there was another. I would not even be upset if you wish to be with him,” Wonwoo says. 

His words trouble you. There is a benefit for both of you in the marriage, but his words imply he is not exactly happy with the arrangement either. The offer to let you leave him is strange though, and causes you to fault for a moment.

“I am not going to abandon you, sire,” you eventually respond. “I have made an obligation to you.”

“No, your father did. Though we are not well acquainted I still hold empathy and I do not want to be what is keeping you from your happiness. From your happy ending.”

“Either way my father’s word is say, so I will do what he asks of me. It is an honor to be wedded to a man of your status,” you tell him, trying to convince yourself more than anything.

“But that is all it is: status. What about love?”

You don’t answer. You sit there and stare down at the letter you are writing to Jihoon. You think about the wooden box hidden in the drawer that holds his letters.

“Please, I do not wish to cause you turmoil. If you want to go, I will not hold you back,” Wonwoo says. 

You finally turn to look at your husband. “You are very kind-hearted, but I cannot accept that offer. I will not tarnish your reputation like that. Do you know the talk that would rise if they heard the soon-to-be king’s spouse up and left? What would your father do to mine? It is too risky.”

Wonwoo has a morose look on his face, like he knows you’re right. “Tell me about him,” he says, surprising you.

You hesitate. You should not talk of your lover to your husband. It is unorthodox and unbecoming. You look at Wonwoo’s curious face though, and you can’t help yourself.

“He’s a poet. I’ve never met someone who can use words the way he does. Even in things as simple as short letters or passing comments, he can make it sound like the most romantic sentence ever uttered,” you tell Wonwoo.

“Tell me more.”

“He has a kind soul, like you. He’s very exciting to be around. He used to travel the world, so I love to hear him regale the tales of his adventures. He likes to take me on our own little adventures as well. One time a traveling show came through a neighboring town and he got us tickets to go watch.”

“You love him greatly.” It is not a question. You just nod to Wonwoo. “You light up when you speak of him. In a way I’ve never seen before.”

You don’t know what to say to him, so you turn your back to him once more, resuming your letter to Jihoon.

You love Jihoon, everyday apart from him feels like you’re struggling to breathe, and under any other circumstance you wouldn’t have stopped at anything to be with him, but you are not under those circumstances. You fought your father, refusing the marriage, even telling him you loved someone else, but he did not listen. He told you this was the one thing he would put his foot down on.

You can’t blame him, how often does someone get the chance to marry a prince. The things this marriage is doing for your family is immeasurable and you cannot in good conscience leave them without a second thought. Not to mention the damage it would do to your family’s reputation, let alone Wonwoo’s. Your family would be shunned by the public and Wonwoo would be labeled a joke of a king.

Not to mention if it was ever discovered what really happened. What would happen if everyone found out why you left? You and Jihoon would surely be ostracized. Town piranhas in even towns in other kingdoms. Jihoon’s career as a poet would be over. You can’t imagine that being a happy life.

Not that you’re particularly happy right now either. You wish you didn’t overthink everything, or else you would have left the town even before you got married. You and Jihoon could be living in his caravan, just you two alone, safe and sound and happy.

It is too late for that though, and now you have to pay the consequences. Married to a man you know nothing about. A man who seems to be rooting for you despite the outcome. It makes you frown. Maybe your first step in figuring it all out is figuring out your husband first.

“Have you ever been in love, my lord?” You decide to ask Wonwoo one day while walking the castle’s grounds. As of recently you two have gotten closer, an interesting bond forming between you two, though most of your time is spent talking of Jihoon. Wonwoo never draws back on his suggestions that you follow your heart. 

“Not in the way you are. I was very fond of someone a long time ago, but they loved someone else.” You frown at this news. 

“Please excuse the crudeness of my words, sire, but then why do you put so much mind into my love? Do you not wish to be wed to someone?”

“I do,” Wonwoo answers after a moment of contemplation, “but I do not want to be the reason why true love is separated. You and your Jihoon, you are a story of fate. Who am I to get in the middle of it? The public likes me enough, I will be okay. No matter what, I will be okay, but will you?”

Your heart aches and yearns for Jihoon, and your husband is not making it easier. That may have been his goal though.

“Are you sure you’ll be okay?” You ask Wonwoo. You frown as you stand in front of him, your stomach in knots of worry.

Wonwoo just gives you a soft smile. “I am sure. If anything, I should be worrying about you. Do you have everything you need?”

“Yes. Both Soonyoung and I checked twice. You have ensured that everything will run perfectly.” You reach over and take your husband’s hands in yours, squeezing them tightly. “Thank you, Wonwoo. For everything.”

“Ah, it is the least I could do. Now, you have somewhere to be and I cannot keep you waiting any longer. Send me letters, okay?” With a final squeeze of your hands, Wonwoo lets you go. You smile at the man once more before turning away from him and not looking back.

You slip out of the castle through the servant’s doors and quickly make your way to the outskirts of the grounds. It reminds you of all those times you escaped your own house to meet Jihoon at the edge of the forest. The thought makes a grin grow on your face as you speed up your pace even more.

Just like all the previous times, when you get to the edge of the estate Jihoon is standing there waiting for you. You launch yourself into his arms, allowing him to pick you up and twirl you around. He’s giggling high pitched and gleeful as you two spin around in each other’s arms.

When Jihoon finally puts you down he doesn’t waste a moment and leans in to kiss you. You happily kiss him back, grabbing his face and holding him in place. You can feel a wet stream of tears run down your face, your heart bursting with joy as you reunite with your lover.

His lips are familiar against yours and you automatically feel at home. For the first time in months you can relax, finally back in Jihoon’s arms.

“It’s you,” Jihoon muttres when he finally pulls away. He brings his hands up to caress your face.

“It’s me, my love, it’s me,” you tell him back, tears still flowing freely.

“I’ve missed you so much.”

“I’ve missed you more.” You lean in and press another quick kiss against Jihoon’s lips. “But we will never have to miss each other again.”

“I’m never letting you go,” Jihoon tells you, gripping you tighter. “Oh how much I love you.”

You giggle. “I love you more. Now come on, let’s get out of here.”

You grab Jihoon’s hand and pull him away from the grounds to where his caravan is waiting for you two. As you two travel further and further away from the town you feel your heart grow lighter and lighter, excited for the rest of your life of adventures with your love.

The next time you see Jihoon is nearly a week later. You and Soonyoung are once again getting boba when you spot the boy behind the counter, just like last time. When you and Soonyoung went and got boba a few days prior you noticed that the original Cute Cashier was working, and you couldn’t help but feel a bit of disappointment at him not being Jihoon.

As soon as you lay eyes on your Even Cuter Cashier, you quickly make a beeline into the shop, your desire for boba long gone.

Jihoon looks up when he hears the sound of the bell ringing and his eyes soften into a smile when he sees you entering through the threshold.

“You came back!”

“I did. It’s hard not to, with the amazing service I got last time,” you say. You casually browse the store as you talk to Jihoon, glancing at him every so often as you do. 

“Well I’m glad that my plan to get you to come back succeeded.”

You giggle at Jihoon’s words as you stop in front of a stack of old photos. You flip through them, looking at all the memories they hold. Many of the photos depict different couples, all smiling brightly as they hold each other. The images put a smile on your own face.

“Find something good?” Jihoon asks and you jump a bit at the closeness of his voice. When you turn, you see the man standing by your side.

“Oh, yeah, just these photos! Aren’t they beautiful?” You tilt them a bit to show them off to Jihoon. “I think it’s so amazing that no matter how the world changes, love will always stay the same.”

“Huh, I guess you’re right. Love’s been around since the beginning of time.”

“The love these people were feeling in these photos is the same love we experience today. There really is nothing like it.”

You look back down at the photos. The one in your hand shows a woman clinging onto a man’s arm, her cheek pressed into his bicep as she smiles at the camera. The man himself is smiling as well, though he is smiling down at the woman, rather than the camera. 

“They’re cute,” Jihoon mumbles, his own eyes transfixed on the photo. 

“Yeah,” you say, “I wonder what’s their story.”

“Something happy, I hope,” Jihoon says before moving to walk back behind the counter. You grab a few more photos from the stack before following after him, placing them on the counter.

Jihoon smiles at you and starts to ring you up. You take a moment to stare at him, your eyes tracing over his fluffy hair and round face and kind smile. You don’t stop staring until Jihoon breaks your focus.

“What? Does my hair look stupid or something?” He grins lazily at you again and you feel your heartbeat quicken.

“Uh, n-no! It’s just…your smile is super familiar to me. Sorry, that may be weird.”

“No, no, it’s not. I guess I kinda felt the same thing the first time you came in,” Jihoon tells you. “Who knows, maybe we knew each other in a past life.”

You chuckle at Jihoon’s joke, but you don’t stop thinking about it for the rest of the day.

1951

War Against North Korea Rages On, No End in Sight

You frown at the heading, throwing the newspaper aside onto the counter. The news of the North Korean troops invading Seoul changed everyone’s lives, throwing the country into a state of chaos trying to keep them from completely overtaking all of South Korea. Now a year later, the war is still in full force and though you know it’s important to stay updated on what’s happening, you don’t bother with the news articles anymore. They always say more or less the same thing: the war continues on with more casualties and less hope of ending soon.

Your heart grows heavy with each day growing worse than the last. You wish there was more you could do to help the war efforts, but you’re stuck at home taking care of your sick father. He’s the only family you have left, after your mother’s death a few years ago. All of the money received from her passing has gone into your father, but since the start of the war prices have done nothing but skyrocket.

So you spend your days at home taking care of your father, and your nights in a factory working to earn an income. You don’t mind the work though, allowing your mind to focus on something that isn’t the war or your father.

The only other time you get a break, an actual real break, is on Saturdays. It’s the one day in the week you allow yourself to go out, spending the afternoon to yourself getting groceries and taking time to focus on yourself.

You go through the same routine, walking down to the port and spending a few minutes enjoying the waves lapping against the shore, the salty sea water scent filling the air as the summer breeze brushes up against your skin. After taking in the sight of the sea, you move further into town and down the street to the cemetery.

Every Saturday you visit your mother’s grave, sitting with her for a while as you update her on your life and the current events. Occasionally you will bring a book and read aloud. You find the time spent with her calming, her maternal love enveloping you and letting you rest, even for a small bit of time.

Afterwards you browse the shops in town (only looking, never buying) before heading to the market to finish your day off. You spend the money for the groceries to get you through the week before heading back home. You do your best to walk most places you go, not wanting to spend the fare for the trollies. 

The streets are busy on the weekend and on your walk back to your house, someone bumps into you causing you to drop your bags, all of your freshly bought groceries tumbling to the ground. The person doesn’t even stop and you can’t bother chasing them too. You just sigh and bend down to pick up the now unusable goods. 

You now have to turn around and go back into town to get more groceries. It will take a good chunk out of your funds, but not too much. Maybe you’ll pick up a few more shifts at the factory.

“Excuse me, are you okay?” As you’re thinking about how to make up the price of the ruined groceries, you miss the man who has walked up to you.

When you look up you see a beautiful man with a sweet round face and dark hair staring down at you. He’s dressed nicely in a suit and it takes you a moment to actually respond to him, too distracted by his good looks.

“Pardon?”

“I was asking if you were okay?” The man bends down to help you pick up the rest of the food spilled on the ground. “I saw that man bump into you and I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“Oh! I’m fine, thank you.” You smile at him, appreciative of the kind gesture.

“But all of your groceries are now ruined. Allow me to buy you more.”

“Oh no! That’s not necessary,” you quickly tell the man. You don’t even know him and you would feel guilty allowing a man who didn’t even cause the casualty to pay for your groceries, especially with the state of the economy.

“I insist,” he says, standing and then helping you stand as well. “It’s the least I could do.”

“Sir it really-” Before you can even finish your sentence the man was walking away, back towards the town. You could just go back home, but then you’d be left with no groceries for the week so you begrudgingly follow him back to the market.

“Lee Jihoon, by the way,” he tells you as you two walk around the market, collecting what you need. You give him your name as well and he grins, a small spark igniting behind his eyes as he tells you how lovely your name is.

When you’re done regathering what you need you move to head to the register, but Jihoon stops you.

“This is all you’re getting? It’s barely enough for any proper meals. Please, add more. I won’t mind, I demand of it actually.” Jihoon then moves to add more to the basket and once again you have to follow along as Jihoon is the one carrying it.

You protest each time a new item is added but Jihoon keeps hushing you like you’re a life long friend rather than a stranger he met on the street no more than thirty minutes ago. By the time Jihoon is satisfied with what’s in your basket, it’s full to the top and you can’t remember the last time you’ve seen so much food in your life. Guilt eats away at you as you think about the money Jihoon is about to drop on you just because someone else made you drop your bags.

It isn’t until you’re checking out and Jihoon casually pulls out multiple banknotes without even a blink of an eye that you realize that not everyone lives like you and that just maybe Jihoon doesn’t mind paying so much because he has the money laying around to do so. Even back when your mother was alive and your father was able to work your family was still paying for everything with scraped up coins.

The sun is already low in the sky by the time you two exit the market and Jihoon stops you once more. “Allow my driver to take you back to your house.”

The sentence alone confirms your suspicions on Jihoon’s monetary status. To own a car is a luxury of its own, but to have a driver as well seals the deal.

You already can tell it’s impossible to turn Jihoon down so you just follow him back to his car. You wonder if his driver followed you after you two walked to the market. When you two get into the car you tell your address to the driver, trying not to get embarrassed at the thought of the nice car driving through your run down little neighborhood. 

Jihoon’s driver just nods and starts up the car. The three of you sit in silence until the car pulls up to your house and you climb out. Jihoon does as well, helping carry your groceries to the door.

“It was nice meeting you,” Jihoon says. “If you ever need anything again, give me a call.” He holds out a small white card, his business card, to you. You take it and thank him once more before entering your house, your mind still lingering on the strange, rich man.

You don’t give Jihoon a call, but you don’t have to. You run into him again not even three days after your first interaction. It’s early in the morning and you’re heading back home after work when you hear your name called out. When you turn you see the man’s car rolling up next to you, his head poking out of the back seat window.

“What are you doing walking alone so early in the morning? The sun has barely started to rise.”

"I'm walking back home from work," you answer honestly.

Jihoon's face looks sour at this, like he couldn't imagine working so late at night. "If you have been working all night let me treat you to breakfast."

It's your turn to let your face screw up slightly. You know that Jihoon can afford to buy you breakfast, but you still don't want to feel indebted to him. Not to mention your father will be waking up soon and you'll need to make his breakfast as well. You tell Jihoon as much.

"Then I will buy breakfast for your father too," is his solution.

You're not sure why he keeps insisting on buying you things but you just sigh and climb into the car. Jihoon has a smug grin on his face as he tells his driver where to go.

A few minutes later the car pulls up in front of a diner and you and Jihoon enter. It's nothing extravagant, but still a treat for those with a tight budget. 

The two of you sit in silence until a waitress comes and takes your order. Jihoon doesn't allow you to order for yourself, picking what he tells you are the most delicious and filling items. He orders for himself and then a third meal, asking the waitress to not cook it until she brings the check.

You note the way Jihoon has a nice presence to him, friendly and warm and inviting. The way his soft features are accentuated when he smiles, his round cheeks puffing up and his eyes squinting. You find him fascinating, but there's something more than that, something drawing you to him.

"So, where do you work that has you walking home at six in the morning?" 

The question breaks the ice between you as you fall into a natural conversation, asking questions and trading answers. Your hesitations towards the man quickly ebb the more you talk.

You learn he's a highly successful businessman but the war has halted much of his work which has given him some much needed down time. Like you, he doesn't have many living family members and he's an altruistic man so much of his money is left unspent.

Before you know it both of your meals are finished and the waitress is bringing over the check and the packaged meal for your father. Just like at the market, Jihoon pulls out his banknotes and pays before escorting you back to his car.

When you arrive at your house a part of you feels disappointed that the morning with Jihoon is over. Now it's back to the real world. 

You're halfway to your door when you suddenly turn back around. You don't know what causes you to say it before you can stop yourself you spit out, "Would you like to come in for a cup of tea? It's the last I could do after all of your kindness." 

Jihoon beams in front of you. "I would love that."

Bloodiest Battles of the War So Far, Conscription Soon to Follow?

Five months after you meet Jihoon he knocks on your front door, a letter clutched in his fist. There's a grim look on his face when you open the door and you know automatically.

The Battle of Bloody Ridge, follwoed by The Battle of Heartbreak Ridge, took out many of the soldiers on the frontlines and the country was now desperate to find new ones to replace them. A mandatory conscription for any young man who was eligible to join the military.

It didn't take long for you and Jihoon to start a relationship after your first few meetings. He's the perfect man, taking care of both you and your father and showering you in nothing but love and affection. The thought of him so far away, in the direct line of danger, makes a lump grow in your throat. Your chest tightens as your heart aches.

"We'll be okay," Jihoon mutters into your hair as you cry silently into his neck, holding him tightly. Like if you hold him tight enough he won't have to leave.

That's not how the world works though, and you accompany Jihoon on the day he is to deploy.

"If you need more money just send me a letter and I'll take care of it, okay?"

"You've left me with plenty already, love," you tell him as you fix his jacket collar. "Just come home safe."

"As long as you make sure I have something to come home to."

You can already feel the tears welling up in your eyes and you lean forward to press your lips to Jihoon's. He kisses you back, putting all of his love into it. A promise to you, that you will see him again, that this isn't your last kiss.

With one last squeeze of the hand Jihoon boards the bus and you're left alone, a heaviness in your heart and worry forming under your skin.

You just have to keep telling yourself he'll be okay, he has to be.

December 19, 1951

To the one my heart has gone to,

I hope you don't mind the frequency of my letters, I just feel closer to you know that eventually you'll hold the same paper in your fingers. I miss you tremendously, to the point my heart aches thinking of you.

Do you know that when you send your letters they smell of you? I always keep your most recent ones safe, in hopes to preserve the smell for just a little while longer.

There's not much to report about today, which I suppose is a good thing. Better than something hectic or even worse, a battle. 

Unfortunately it still doesn't look like there will be a break anytime soon. Battle after battle, life after life. It's not easy, but I've come to like the other men in my unit. Jeonghan takes good of us and Seokmin makes nice company. 

I don't want to keep you long, but I wanted to make sure you'd get a letter for before the holidays hit. Merry Christmas my love.

I'll make it up to you when I get home okay? For now just keep me in your dreams.

Write back soon, please. I want to hear what my lover has been up to. Keep me updated on your father as well.

All my love,

Your Jihoon

March 22, 1952

Today was hard.

I'm doing unwell as I write this letter, but it would pain me more not to send you my update.

Kwon Soonyoung died next to me today on the battlefield. It is not the first time a man has died near me, but it is the first time it was a man I have grown fond of. He was only a few months older than I am.

As grim as it may sound, and as much as I will mourn the loss, I am grateful that it was not me in his place. It was a difference of mere inches and fate chose Soonyoung. Does it mean anything? Is there a reason why I lived and he didn’t? I’m not sure but all I can think about is that his sacrifice is giving me a second chance at going home. Does that make me a bad person?

Everyday I pray this nightmare will be over. The thought of you is the only thing encouraging me to go on. I think about coming home to you, kissing your sweet lips, holding you in my arms.

We’ve been apart longer than we were together and I beat myself up for that everyday. I wish we would have met earlier, but as soon as the war is over we will have all the time in the world. Just you and me.

Wish me home soon,

Your Jihoon

November 30, 1952

To the home of my heart,

You have been on my mind all of today, not that you aren’t always on my mind normally. It has been particularly hard today though. It’s been a full year since my departure from you and every day has been harder than the last.

It’s hard to sleep at night and I often lay awake and think about you. Sometimes I will take a walk and look up at the sky. The moon and the stars are thousands of miles away but they still seem so close and bring so much comfort. That’s how I feel about you. Gazing at the moon also helps because it is still the same moon that you are under as well.

Look at the moon and think of me okay? Maybe one night we will be looking at the moon at the same time and I will be able to feel you just a bit closer.

Whenever I am able to fall asleep, I dream about you. I dream about the thought of you laying next to me. I wish to kiss your soft lips and feel your warm skin and look into your shining eyes. I dream of the life we will build together when we are reunited at last.

Would you marry me, my love?

I know it’s silly asking over a letter like this, and asking with such a strange courtship, but something in me feels the need to ask. Ever since I met you on the street that one fateful day, I’ve known you were the one for me. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, so please accept my proposal (I promise to give you a proper one the second I get home).

The other men keep teasing me about you, but they just don’t understand the love we share. Being with you, even just the thought of you, it feels like home.

A part of me wonders if I’ve secretly loved you my whole life. It sure feels like it. No matter what I know you were made for me and everyday I bless whatever force brought us together. I love you so much it drives me crazy.

When I get home let me take you out on a thousand dates to make up for the time lost. 

Please send me your answer soon,

Your fiance Jihoon

February 01, 1953

To my dearest,

I’m writing to you from the infirmary. I was shot in battle earlier, nowhere too fatal just the leg, but I just woke up from the procedure to remove the bullet and patch me up. I’m lucky to come out with nothing more than a scar. Some other men aren’t as lucky.

It seems everyday is a new fight, but it’s worth it if it gives me a chance of going back home to you. We’ll buy a house close to the port, so you can be near the ocean breeze. Every night we’ll walk the shore and watch the sunset together. Then on Saturdays I’ll accompany you on your errands. We’ll go to town together and get groceries and visit the cafe and do whatever your heart desires. 

I’ll buy fresh flowers for your parents every week.

We could get a cat to keep you company while I’m at work and you could quit that heinous job at the factory. That would give you more time to focus on yourself. You and I both know that my wealth is more than enough for just the two of us.

Our house shouldn’t be too big, but still a good size in case we ever have guests over. I think we should start a garden as well.

Ah, my love, thinking about our future is nice. It helps me wish for the future, helps me feel closer to you. Thank you for being my safe place away from this nightmare. I should rest more now, but please remember that I will always spend everyday loving you.

Pray for my speedy recovery,

Your Jihoon

July 07, 1953

Jagiya! I apologize for the lack of letters recently, things have been so hectic around here, but I write with good news!

The talk around camp is that the negotiations have been making a move, there is finally an end in sight. I cannot wait to get back to you. It has been far too long since I’ve seen you and the photo I carry of you has started to fade already from how often I admire it. 

I cannot stay to write for long, but I needed to send you an update and a reminder of my love. I promise we will be back together soon.

Go to town and buy some flowers for yourself okay? Today is worth celebrating.

I can’t wait to see you,

Your Jihoon

You’re jittery as you smooth down your shirt, waiting for the bus to pull up. The same bus that took him away nearly two years ago.

When all of your friends heard about your beau, they all called you crazy. Holding out for a man who has been gone for quadruple the amount of time you spent together and you guess maybe it is crazy, but for Jihoon you would do anything.

It is true that you two were only together for five months before his deployment, but even before he left you knew you were madly in love with Lee Jihoon. You spent your nights reading the letters Jihoon sent you, and writing ones back. You would think you two had been lovers for fifty years rather than five months.

You’ve always felt the pull towards Jihoon though, like you’ve been loving him all your life. Every letter he sent made you fall in love with him even more, and now two years later he’s finally coming home. 

The days were hard without him when you saw him nearly everyday before he left. Winter of 1952 was less than kind, taking your father with it and leaving you alone for the last seven months, wishing for nothing but for Jihoon to come home. Now he is and you couldn’t be more elated.

The people standing around you start to cheer when someone catches sight of the bus, but you can’t do anything but stand there, your heart pounding in your chest. When the bus stops and soldiers start to pour out you have a moment of doubt. The fear that Jihoon won’t want you anymore, that everything has changed for the worse, creeps into your mind.

The thoughts can barely form though because then Jihoon’s stepping off the bus and his skin is so much tanner than it used to be and you’ve never seen him with his hair so short but it’s Jihoon, your Jihoon. His eyes light up when he catches sight of your familiar face and he’s dropping his bags and running towards you.

His arms are locked around your waist and you’re being lifted off the ground. You cup Jihoon’s face in your hands and lean down to kiss him as he spins you two around, easing all of the worries in your mind. Your cheeks dampen as tears start to stream down your face, too many emotions coursing through you to keep them all on the inside.

You keep your hands on Jihoon’s face as he sets you down. You stroke his cheek, feeling his warm skin under your touch. “You’re here, you’re really here.”

“I’m here my love, I’m here, and I’m never leaving you again.”

It doesn’t take much longer for you and Jihoon to leave the station. You two sit in the back of his car, pressed together as Jihoon presses kisses to your face every few minutes. You’re not much better though, leaning into him with a dopey grin on your face, ready to start your new life with the man you love the most.

The next time you see Jihoon isn’t at the antique shop at all. You’re getting coffee at the cafe next to your apartment when you see the man walk in. His eyes light up a bit when he sees you and he makes a beeline to your table after getting his drink.

“Is this seat open?” He asks, pointing to the empty chair across from you.

“Of course.”

Jihoon takes a seat before turning his attention to you. “Fancy seeing you here.”

“Maybe it’s fate,” you say teasingly but Jihoon just grins.

“Maybe it is,” his voice is smooth as he talks, and your breath gets caught in your throat, “I mean, I wouldn’t be upset if I was destined to meet you over and over again.”

You break his gaze, trying not to show him how flustered you are. “You’re quite the sweet talker you know? You don’t know anything about me-”

“No, but I don’t think it would be hard to learn. I’m starting to think we’re not really strangers at all. You can’t tell me that you aren’t a bit interested in me as well.”

You glance back at Jihoon to find him staring intently at him. His eyes are warm and deep and you can feel yourself being drawn in, like you’ve stared at those eyes a million times before. There’s an inviting sense to all of Jihoon and the only thing you can think of to describe it as is home. 

“Okay,” you tell him with a slight grin. “Let’s see if destiny is right.”

And really you don’t care if it is fate or not, because as you and Jihoon fall into a comfortable conversation you realize that the two of you meeting was no mistake, and that you could definitely love Lee Jihoon for multiple lifetimes. 

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[doberbutts]

hello jaz, i'd like your opinion on something. i'm seeing a lot of dog trainers online go on about the benefits of crating in regards to making sure dogs are getting enough sleep and to always crate them when asleep. the numbers i see thrown around are 12-14 but more commonly 16-18. i have certainly seen a lot of improvement when i make sure my adolescent is getting enough sleep, but she is not crate trained (its really rare where im from) a lot of the advice on making sure the dog is settling is to isolate the dog, cover the crate in a different room and avoid coming anywhere near it, basically pretend they dont exist. im finding it really hard to justify locking up a social animal for 16-18 hours a day without any interraction. i specifically got a dog after years of having a cat (he was really sweet and loved companionship but it didnt hit the same spot as having a dog), as i like how engaged they are with you and seek interraction, it just feels unfair. am i antropomorphizing? is it not that big of a deal if they're properly enriched and excercised? what are your thoughts on this as a dog trainer and someone who had a dog with medical issues related to excessive crating?

Oh oh oh oh I had a very long conversation with a few good friends who are dog trainers about this one.

Now before I start, I do have to say that I do support crate training and in fact have crate trained the majority of my dogs, with Fenris being the sole exception and even he is, hmm, half crate trained at this point and we're working on the rest.

First of all 18 hours is an astronomical number, personally I think 12 hours is excessive. Life shoved in a small box for literally half the day is sort of miserable. I now work 10 hour shifts with an hour commute and so my dogs *are* left home for 12 hours at a time- however I have made a lot of changes to the way I contain them to prevent this exact scenario. Sushi is loose, the chihuahuas are crated together in something that is roughly the size of a typical x-pen or they're left loose in my bathroom (where it is easier to clean up Tater's incontinence), and Fenris is also sectioned off in my foyer again a space the size of a typical x-pen. Sometimes I leave Sushi in there with him because he seems comforted by her presence and ability to play with him if he's bored, other times she seems kind of done managing his energy on her own so I give her the run of the house to give her a bit of a break.

And, I will say, based on the camera I have looking in at them, the dogs mostly sleep the whole day. The last two days most of the peeks in during a motion alert have revealed someone getting up for a drink of water and then plopping back down on their bed. Or getting a toy or chew to bring back to their bed. Or getting up to stretch and laying back down. So, while I feel bad that I leave them alone for that long, it's also not like they're doing much in my absence.

However to me it is less about the crate and more about the ability to perform natural behaviors. As said, the dogs get up and have a drink of water, stretch, maybe wrestle if they're sectioned off two-by-two, or grab a toy or chew (or blanket to suck in the case of Fenwen), which are all things they could do in a large enough crate. It is also why, once my dogs are house trained, I keep them in crates far bigger than recommended so they can have a bit more space to move around. This is, of course, easier with the chihuahuas who weigh a combined 8lbs than with the 100lb mountain dog. Or they can be loose if they're nondestructive and won't soil my floors.

However I also think that it becomes really difficult when we talk about how dogs are social creatures. Like it or not, by leaving them alone for 8+ hours every day, we are dooming single dog households to a lifetime of solitary confinement. Whether the dogs are in a crate or not, we are leaving a social creature alone for the majority of our waking hours. So I think it is important, if you don't have multiple dogs or rotating work schedules with all the humans in the house, to make sure and fill the gaps as much as possible. I think if you are home your dog should be out of confinement and also hanging out with you. I think you should deliberately try to interact with your dog while you are home, whether that's just petting as you do something else or taking them for a walk or whatever.

I mentioned that Fenris is not fully crate trained despite being nearly a year and a half. This is because he can open just about anything that doesn't require thumbs, including crate doors. And he has broken himself out of 3 separate crates, and broke 2 teeth in the process the last time he broke out. I have been slowly re-introducing the crate ever since, and now he is calm and quiet in a jumbo sized Great Dane crate (read: two sizes up from what is recommended for him) with a bed, a sucky blanket, a toy, a chew, and his EDM music box for about 4ish hours at a time. This is a big win for us because he used to not even tolerate a few minutes despite me following all of the same rules and advice I have followed for all of my other successfully crate trained dogs.

I noticed fairly early on that he is happiest when contained in a larger area with a friend. So my foyer and Sushi became the sacrifice until I either can convince him to tolerate longer than half days or can trust him left loose in my house. He did figure out how to open the gate a few weeks ago and promptly murdered my 32 year old snake plant (and destroyed a tupperware container left on my counter, and shredded my mail also from my counter, and pulled a book off my bookshelf to shred, and chewed on my camera but it does still work at least), so clearly he is not trustworthy as of just yet. I have added a locking mechanism that requires thumbs, he fiddled with it the first day I installed it and has left it alone since.

[romanarose]

Supportive Logan Thoughts: Writer GF

Logan Howlett x fem!writer!gf

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Summary: You're an aspiring writer, but having trouble finding time to write. Logan shows his complete faith in you, no matter what your family thinks.

Warnings: Not a lot, unsupportive/mean family. My massive daddy issues

A/n: I wanted to write this for myself because Im feeling massively unsupported by my family and several friends, and I with I had a partner with this much faith in me. I have another one I wanna do with supportive logan and reader who wants to continue education. If you have any self indulgant ideas you wanna hear, send em! It'll probs be short but I can have Logan say things i think you'd want to hear in a way that makes sense for him. Trans and lgbt themes encouraged.PS: catch the bobs burgers reference?

Dinner had been going pretty well, comparatively. Logan hadn't snapped at your dad for his passive aggression, and your mom hadn't commented on how you'd gained weight. It wasn't your fault your beloved boyfriend seemed to be fattening you up!

All in all, a peaceful dinner.

Until your brother, Mark, had to be a dick.

"You still writing on Wattpad?" He asked, an innocent enough question but you knew that tone. Logan stiffened, so you put a hand on his thigh. He chewed hard on the broccoli.

You brace yourself a bit. "Yeah, I got the fanfictions. But I'll have you know, it's a fun hobby and I do pretty well for myself-"

"Writing men kissing on tumblr isn't a hobby any more than making a porno is."

Logan speaks, through a full mouth. "I bet you're the porn expert, considering you're not getting any from anyone else."

"Except your mom."

You raise to hands at both Logan and Mark "Knock if off you two!"

Your mom is glaring at Mark for mentioning porn at the table, but he's pretending to be very interested in his chicken Alfredo.

Still, your dad always has something to say. "It's a shame you can't make money off that. I don't really understand why you do it."

"For fun?" You didn't know what not to get. Your grandma made terrible janky blankets and you all gushed over them. You loved them of course, because it was grandma. Why couldn't you have a hobby weather or not you were good?

But Logan wouldn't let the silence be filled with your families assumptions. "Well, she's writing a book, actually. And it's good, really fu- I mean, it's really good." Logan abides by your moms no swearing rule, but she pays no mind to the always f word as she somehow finds a reason to embarrass you.

"Oh she's always talking about some book or whatever. As a kid it was mystery because she was into the boxcar children. As a teen she was going to write the next big dystopian trilogy." She covers her mouth as she laughs about it.

Logans hand flexes and tightens under the table, trying to remain calm. "And what did you say when she told you about these?"

"Well, I told her she should be more realistic. I mean, I read some of her writing-"

"Because you snooped through my notebooks!"

"And it wasn't exactly Hunger Games."

Logan set down his plate. "So let me get this straight, Diane."

"Lo..." You warn.

"You snooped through notebooks that your daughter wrote by hand on notebooks, at what, 14, 15? Told her that this first draft, which I cannot stress enough, was written on a notebook, wasn't good enough to be published, then you're shocked she didn't finish it?"

When you're moms mouth gapped, your dad stepped in. "She doesn't finish anything, I'm sure you picked up on that. I mean, how many half started art projects are in your house right now?"

An embaressing amount. The other day, you found three different blankets with the same color scheem started. Three! Thrice, you had the same idea and never followed through.

Your boyfriend was not deterred. "Well, maybe, she needs someone whose going to support her, encourage her. Didn't seem like she had a lot of that before."

"WHELP!" You slap your knees, then stand up. "This has been great, but as usual we passed the 15 minute mark, and right on cue, it's time to go."

Your dad was as stubborn as Logan was and stood too. "Oh yeah, and just what are you gonna do to support her, to magically fixed years of fail-"

As you pulled Logan toward the door, Logan counts off on his fingers. "One, tell her that she can actually do it, because she CAN, two, check in on her and let her brainstorm with me. Have you ever actually asked about her plot? No?"

You're giggling to yourself now. Dinner was ruined, but you liked that Logan didn't stand for people talking bad about you.

"And three, she's gonna quit her job so she can focus on writing!"

Well. That one was new. Logan always encouraged your novel in progress, he listened about the characters and offered ideas, gave you a sounding board that wasn't judgmental. Yes, you've complained about no time for writing when you work so much but... No matter, you show a united front in front of your dad.

"Yeah! Because he believes in me." And you were out the door.

*

The drive back was quiet. Espresso was on the radio, and you knew he must be distracted because he didn't change the station, so you spoke first.

"I don't have to quit my-"

"I was gonna talk to you about-"

You both start at the same time. Then you laugh. "You first, Lo."

His body language relaxes for the first time tonight. "I didn't mean to spring that on yuh." I don't wancha to think I'm like. Trying to tell you what to do or make you financially dependent."

"I don't." You assure him. "So... you thought about this?"

He nods. "Yeah I um... I really think you got something good here, baby. I think if you took leave for a while ad really could just focus on the book, it could be something great. I mean, I don't know much about books but even I like it, so... you know... it's gotta be good."

Warmth fills your body as a blush festers under your skin. Logan really believed in you. He believed in your book enough that he was willing to take this risk on you.

"Can we... afford that?"

"Well I thought..." He rubbed the back of his neck. "I can always take overtime at work. If I pick up another day or two-"

"Logan! I can't ask your to do that!"

"You're not." He turns to you briefly, smiling, then back to the road. "I'm asking to do this for you, if you'll let me. Then, when you're a high falutin writer, I can be your sugar baby." He pokes yoru side, making you giggle

Still, seed of doubt were deeply entrenched. "But what if I don't do good? It doesn't sell?"

Logan shrugs. "Well, I guess... then you'll try again. Or you don't, an you'll know you finished it and you tried."

A pause. "You're really willing to do this for me?"

"Baby..." He places a hand on yours, eyes once again drifting only briefly from the road to you, then back. "I'd get the moon right now if you asked. Let me do this for us."

For us.

***********

Okay thats it im done im sorry, that was my own daddy issues, mommy issues, brother issues- lort help lmfao

anyway if you like this, check out my other stuff on my masterlist! if you like dark content, most of my logan is being written over at @romana-after-dark

the bobs burgers referece was the 15 min rule. at exactly 15 min, big bobs says something mean to bob asdfghjkl

my middle brother hosted a surprise party for my parents anniversary and we decided to have me an the ret of my siblings be surprise one, have my oldest brother hiding bc he lives the furthest away for surprise 2, then downstairs my extended family for three. My dad walks in, sees me and my youngest brother who he was't expecting, and before he even says hi he says "where's *oldest brother*" so that felt cool. And we got into a bit of an arguement where he was discrediting my feelings about the move when i was a teenager, and then my brothers and sister were assholes- and i just kept thinking i want logan or santi or joel here to protect me and defend me even against little stuff.

enough about me!

send your requests! give me chubby read, black reader, trans reader, native reader, bi reader, male reader- literally whatever tf you want. I cant say it'll be as long as this one but i got you. you desver to feel supported.

[skythealmighty]

Maximo "Lucky" Jonronero is extremely ADHD coded. in this essay i will

edit: someone asked for the essay, and since im not just about to sleep now, I can be coherent. lets start with the most damning evidence:

1. What he says to Miner during 5-X

Lucky: "I know...it's just... I was never much of anyone as a kid. Bad grades, couldn't ever focus, mom and dad yellin' at me... But on the field, everything was different. Without baseball...I feel like I'll just be that useless kid again."

this is, easily, already a common story among athletes with ADHD! not only that, but if he had no access to the right medication- and since i don't think he knows, he doesn't- it would be extremely hard to do schoolwork, much less homework, paired with all that pressure.

this also means, of course, his mom and dad likely also have undiagnosed ADHD, and possibly are projecting onto him! so yeah parent issues

2. His mannerisms at the start

at first this doesnt seem like that damning of evidence, but as a person with ADHD, his remarks resemble me. a lot.

one effect of having ADHD is this little bitch called emotional dysregulation, in which you can't- not "it's hard to", you can't- control your emotions to a degree, and they tend to get out of hand. from personal experience, it sucks ass, and especially if you dont know what it is, you get mad at your emotions for making you look like a child.

Lucky is mad. a lot. he also seems to bottle up as much as he can, a common pattern with myself. he also seems to understand that his overreactions are stupid, but he really just can't stop himself- if this is a pattern, it partially explains why he had a quicker turnaround than most would think to apologize to Paige. he KNOWS his constant anger is fucking dumb, but he can't stop it. he literally, biologically, has no power to stop it, as a person with adhd off meds.

3. The way he acts, in general

he gets distracted halfway through conversations. this also parallels with just how fast he was able to zone out in 5-3. this isn't very hard evidence, but it further perpetuates the "lack of focus" bit, which is also something he hates about himself! without knowing he has ADHD, that's not an uncommon jump of emotions

he doesn't seem to have any other interest than playing baseball at the moment (though it doesnt seem like that was always the case), but even then it seems to be dwindling out despite his best attempts (a common pattern with hyperfixations). he also seems to immediately latch onto coaching!

he moves around, a lot. we don't see him happy stim, but that jumping animation is likely an angry stim, which yes, also happens. he seems to hate staying still, which is emphasized by the fact that he needs to. for long periods of time. hence him sneaking out to the gym as much as he can. AND A GOOD ADD-ON BY @kittyfirest0rm - THE GUM. THE FUCKING GUM. HE CHEWS GUM WHILE PLAYING BASEBALL!!

he's quick to emphasize, when he's not angry. he's not very keen on some social cues, but he definitely seems to get emotions. in 5-3 he's probably surprised at Miner's easy admitting that he was injured and would stay willingly, but he also seems to get it when Miner talks about overworking himself and his emotions. (he zones out though during the explanations. classic.)

there's more i could add, but the post is getting long, so here come get your juice lol

[swmmi-kti]

New people and New feelings (pt 3)

Kyojuro Rengoku x Fem! Flower Hashira Reader

CW: ANGST LIKE SERIOUSLY

Synopsis: You are the New Flower Hashira. Which comes with a lot of new feelings.

Pt 1 , PT 2 , PT4

Shinobu heard you out. Color her surprised at nearly loosing another hashira to one of their own.

She couldn't help but laugh. Not at your near death experience but...just how much she seemed to like you actually.

"My my...it is quiet a predicament. But why on earth would you tell Kyojuro to never speak with you"

You felt flustered. There were multiple reasons. Mostly the main one is because you had though Shinobu hated you. But seeing as how she seems so calm with you. Its...a little silly.

"Uhm...well, it's a little embarrassing but....I has thought you hated me. And when he practically dragged me to your infirmary i...I wasn't pleased to say the least"

She frowned a little. Her expression gentle despite her burning rage as she nodded "I understand. But I do not hate you"

"I am aware now...but even so now then, kyojuro made his decision...and I rather not talk to him for other reasons too"

There were feelings there things that you just couldn't figure out yet. But one things for sure. Kyojuro was the cause of it all, Inner turmoil ate you up.

What ever small tremor threatened to eat up your soul and you couldn't describe it as hatred. Indifference perhaps?

"...Ever since joining up with you guys there's been nothing but a nagging confusion with Kyojuro specifically" You admit finally

"and...could you elaborate?"

"I admire all of you, trust my words on that. I admire Gyomei and his strength. The ever growing compassion he seems to carry with him and the anger he seems to hide. Sanemi and Obanai i guess you can say im indifferent to but i still admire what they do...Mitsuri and i hang out so frequently i guess you can say i just. She's my best friend" You begin and watch as she pauses you with her hand

"and...Regoku?" She asks a bit tepid and like she's almost expecting a certain answer.

You bite your lip. gnawing over lips and the ever living turmoil in your mind. You never could place why you couldn't think of the word for the feelings you felt for him.

Nor do you really care for him...not like you care about everyone else and you couldn't tell why.

"I...Don't know? I obviously care for him just as a colleague but i never thought more of him? Its complicated, i don't hate him"

"But you don't like him?"

Like him? You think as you let your mind wonder just a little bit. His presence was comforting, how his voice seems to lift you up. It felt nice to have someone like that.

The world around you was very harsh and cruel you'd be a fool to say it wasn't good to have someone around like that, To lift up anyone's spirits, Its the greatest skill anyone could have.

"i " You pause again as you chew on the inside of your cheek. How can you answer? on One hand you just can't stand him but why?

And on the other....You know well in your own heart the ever beating tune of falling in love.

How exactly can you describe that feeling? Is there even a word for what you feel? Can there be a word for it?

"It's hard hmm?" Shinobu speaks breaking your inner thoughts and fighting off what negativity may fester in your mind.

"It's not...I don't think there is a word to describe the feelings or the thoughts i have on that man. Shinobu i came into this field expecting my life to stay on the same path as always. Train, save lives and survive i didn't come here to make life long relationships i knew one way or another one of us could die" You admit

Fiddling with your

"Life i guess never goes how you plan. And its Tough on my own feelings to think of something more. A future where everyone lives where we defeat muzan" You admit as you look at the wind pick up.

It Smells sickly sweet of nectar but you know more than that. "I guess im scared of admitting all i feel for the sole fact that i know the world wont let me have it"

Shinobu nod's she knows all to well its beyond mere human comprehension what she knows now. Life is frail, it can and be snatched away from anyone else. She knows.

"Yes it seems life can be unpredictable but the only way to make life a little more worth it is admit things we don't want" She interludes as she looks at you once more with that smile she always wears. but it appears genuine "You like him? A lot dont you?"

You hated being read like an open book but regardless you nodded.

You could say a lot about him how he makes you so mad sometimes. How he makes you happy when ever he doesn't know "Yeah...i suppose i do"

Shinobu nodded as the wind picks up again. The sweet smell soured by the cawing of a crow... a kasugai crow .

Both of you stand up as Kaname.....Kyojuro's crow, Dread filled your nerves. As you extended a hand and watched as he landed on your hand tears in his eyes. . .

Kyojuro Rengoku...is dead

Taglist: @kenqki

[nightskyfoxyy]

More fantasy AU lore? kinda?

One aspect I've been chewing on for a bit that would differ quite a bunch from the canon plot progression is Ahsokas story, Rexs' by proxy.

As baseline lore, where Twi'leks would translate as Elvish people, Togruta would fall into more of a Tiefling category. Similar, but with the horns etc.

I dont really have a set idea as to what Rexs' coat colour would be for his shapeshifted horse form, but so far some kind of bay roan seems to make sense? One idea I did have was that itd be quite fun if his face markings looked like the jaig eyes on his helmet though, so thats what i'll be running with.

The plot starts off same-y enough, shes small and in a war so its to no surprise Rex (and the rest of the guys) do what they can to both teach her as much as possible and keep her safe.

(She doesnt like the cold lol)

Thinking back to the happenings of The Deserter, I had the idea that in this vaguely medieval setting, that sort of injury would be much harder for Rex to come back from and would likely cause problems long-term. Keeping in mind he might not be on shift duty as much as the other guys since he is of higher rank, which is something, but a horses legs are after all hilariously sensitive and whats asked of him in battle isnt exactly gentle on the joints.

Of course Anakin and Ahsoka wouldnt throw him under the bus once its clear that this wont be something that ever truly heals, working their way around it as much as they can to avoid him being recalled for decomissioning (having him on human shift more, and when not, having him lug around Ahsoka rather than Anakin since shes not as heavy, that sort of stuff).

So when Ahsoka gets banished from the order, theyre in a bit of a pickle, and this is where the plot differs from the rough canon happenings most.

If he stayed, the time until hes inevitably found out about and deemed unfit for battle is drastically shortened. Hes not exactly thrilled to leave either though, since hes nothing but loyal to their cause.

Having the kid hes been semi-mentoring for years at that point leave completely on her own isnt great either, though.

Id like to imagine its Anakin that makes him leave with her in the end, killing two birds with one stone. To "keep an eye on her" for him, of course.

Im not exactly sure what that on the run/vigilante arc would look like for them, so any ideas/thoughts/prompts are always welcome ^^ I have exactly one pic so far and its pretty silly, so. Have this messy sketch of their most low-effort camp setup so far.

Good thing horses can sleep standing up and double as tents lol

[skywarpie]

Im not creative enough to come up with a title at the moment but here have this dad copia father’s day short fic below the cut

Like a majority of his life, Copia finds himself once more at his desk as the sun rises. The rays sifting through the blinds, forcing him to squint as they reflect off his reading glasses. Work is and will always be apart of his life. Copia finds that his mind is more at ease if he has something to focus on and paperwork is a great way to do that. Especially considering he has piles upon piles of it. After his ascension there had been talk of hiring another Cardinal to take his place but it had never panned out. Imperator had spoken of how no one could possibly fill his place and apparently that had been the end of it and Copia had been strapped with the extra work. 

With a heavy sigh, he tosses his glasses onto the desk as he pinches the bridge of his nose. He’s been at it so long that his vision is starting to blur. A sure sign that it’s time to fucking sleep. But he’s gone longer than a day without sleep before so he knows it’s not too serious yet. 

His back pops (a little too loudly if he’s honest with himself) as he stretches his arms above his head. The quiet of his office is abruptly interrupted as his door is shoved open so hard it hits the wall. Copia winces slightly at the noise as his eldest daughter gives him a smile that says “sorry about that but this is super important. More important than your door.” For extra measure the youngest gives it another hard shove and watches it bounce off the wall before turning to her sister with a proud look of triumph. 

“Papa!” The eldest, Athaliah, comes jumping toward him. Copia watches as the contents on the tray she carries fly every which way. It’s only once it’s sit in front of him that he takes into account a half (if it can even be called that) cup of coffee, its contents swimming within the tray, and a plate with what looks to be eggs and toast, only they’re burnt. Like really burnt. Like really really burnt.

“Sunshine helped us!” She beams up at him. The expression he gives must explain his confusion because her tiny brow furrows in frustration. “It’s father’s day.” She places her hands on her hips, much like she’s seen him do when scolding a wild ghoul. Her younger sister comes to stand beside her, mimicking her stance and expression.

“Oh!” It takes his brain longer than he’d like to admit for it to click in his brain. After six years you’d think one would finally be accustomed to a day that is apparently dedicated all to them. Never having celebrated it before just proves old habits are hard to break in Copia’s opinion. It’s only when their glares don’t dissipate that he realizes he’s expected to eat the burnt meal before him. Any sane person would play if off with an “oh I can’t eat this master piece! But thank you so much!” Copia has never claimed to be sane and he’s eaten far worse things than some burnt food. Besides the toast is saturated with half of the coffee that’s spilt, making it less hard to chew he notes as he takes a much larger bite than any normal person would. “Perfetto!” He announces as he scoops the youngest up to sit on his lap. Unlike her sister, seeming to have grown tired of staring at him like a child.

Athaliah drops the façade and bounces forward. “We got up extra early to make it.”

“Extra early.” Her little sister mimics as she looks up at Copia.

“Hmm.” Copia finishes his first piece of toast and starts in on the second. Honestly it’s not that bad. Or maybe it’s because he hasn’t eaten in --- well, he can’t really remember the last time he at.  He washes it down with a drink from the half filled coffee mug. The coffee is extremally strong and for that Copia’s grateful. If it was sweetened to the normal way he drinks it, chances are he’d be fast asleep. “It definitely shows.” 

She beams up at him with nothing but pure adoration. “Sunshine said it was a little too burnt but I told her you’d like it anyway and I was right!” She latches onto his free arm and Copia quickly wraps it around her. 

“Piccola topo, you don’t need to make me anything.” He laughs but stops when he notes how her expression has darkened. “Eh?”

“You do everything for everyone else. We can make you breakfast.”

Copia winces inwardly. Ah, so they had noticed how much time he spent running himself ragged for the clergy. “I appreciate it but having the both of you around is more than enough for me.” He smiles.

She nods, seemingly accepting of this but bursts out a moment later. “Oh! Once you’re finished you have to see what the rats got you!”

Copia laughs nervously at that. Something tells him it’s going to be a very entertaining day.

[meadowmousey]

hi im gonna vent about my non existent sex life to my 3 followers now.

I’m in a ltr with an older man (i know) and it’s pretty cool for the most part except for the fact that i never get fucked lmao. it was pretty frequent and fun for the first like 8 months and now I’m lucky to get any like once a month. We got sick in winter 2022/2023, he had a terrible reaction psychologically. At first I understood bc like. We were REALLY sick. And then we got better. And I would try to initiate something and he would just give me the “maybe later” or “another day” stuff, and I wouldn’t ask again for like a week or so. And then I started doing a little amateur adult content as a side hustle, and he would take the pictures and stuff for me. So I would try to get a lil spicy. And he would turn me down. And I don’t know how to describe how absolutely shit it feels to have someone taking lewd pictures of you and them be completely turned off. Ouch. I started doing the pictures/videos alone and I would send him the best ones. He’d sometimes save them but usually I would get some half assed response. So I just stopped bc it made me feel gross. I’m like terminally horny as a person. I could fuck like 3x a day and still go again. I haven’t been able to get a “round two” since like August of 2022. He also presented himself when we first getting to know each other as super kinky and experimental. And he was at first. But it’s so vanilla since we got sick. Like, two positions and barely any variety. We bought some toys and rope and stuff. One of them we haven’t even used. Well, I have but it was alone. He told me, when I was first starting to really have my feelings hurt about his lack of sexual interest, that he has a hard time seeing me as both his life partner and as someone he can do kink with. And that really hurt. Like really bad. Like sure, the ppl he dated before he didn’t love (or the 1 night stands) the way he loves me. So how does it make sense that he gave them all the vulnerability and trust that kink involves but I can’t have that?? And then he says that we’re different, we’re better than most people because we don’t need to have a relationship based off sex. Homeboy if we did, the relationship would have withered and died ages ago. I’m a human being in my 20’s, I’m fucking horny!! I don’t understand why he thinks that it’s fair for him to have gotten to hook up and do all the fun stuff with other people, and now it’s just over for him forever. What about me? What about what I need? Like, I already feel like the once a month boring ass 30 minutes I get is a chore for him. I don’t want him to do anything he doesn’t feel comfortable with. It’s just really hurtful and unfair. I know he doesn’t wanna do an open relationship and I don’t either, but at this point I am so sexually frustrated. I feel embarrassed for wanting sex. I feel like he sees me as some kind of pure and untouchable thing, which makes no sense. I’ve always been up front about being really sexual, and kinky , and open, and unconventional. It’s like he refuses to see a whole entire side of me, except very superficially when we do get sexual. And even then I can tell he’s not really that enthusiastic, it seems like he’s on a mission to make both of us cum as quickly as possible. It’s not even fun anymore and I just feel so self conscious and shitty. It really fucking sucks not even being 25 with a dead bedroom. I’ve been trying to curb my sexual appetite as much as I can but at this point I’m gonna start chewing my fucking fingers off. The worst part is I know I’m not ugly. I know if most people had the chance they would happily get into bed with me. So why is it that the person who DOES get to, doesn’t even want it anymore?? I know he could have his pick of anybody as well. We were so compatible and so much happier when we were having sex more. Now I’m so full of resentment that I have a hard time connecting with him at all. I hate that I feel like this but I’m having to squash such big feelings 24/7. Ugh. Anyway.

[showrunnerihardlyknowher]

Might sound absolutely insane but I can’t get this out of my head, what does Jacob do about basic hygiene? Like I’m sure Edix takes it upon himself to groom him or something fucked up but like. What about his teeth? What would happen if he got a cavity? Fingernails? They’ve gotta be LONG and painful. Hair? Im a curly girlie and cannot imagine being separated from my emotional support hairbrush. I am so stressed for this man that it’s coming out in motherly form. What happens when his shoes/ socks wear out and he’s freezing? Or when his body shuts down from lack of protein/ only eating fruit? I want to make this man a hat and a pair of wool socks and a giant fluffy blanket :( maybe I’m reading too far into everything but I am INVESTED, sorry this is so long, thanks for writing and including so much detail!!

[leans back in my comically oversized office chair and steeples fingers]

Venandi don't actually groom each other/themselves as a means of literal bathing, it's mostly just an expression of affection (like how real cats will lick another one on the head when they cuddle), so don't worry, Edix isn't washing Jacob with his spit or anything. He gets a nice sink bath every couple of days.

The more the Venandi learn about humans during their studies, the better Edix is able to take care of Jacob. It's pretty obvious there's tons of similarities between their species, but y'know, you can't always assume with aliens, whatever he uses for mouthwash might cause his pet to vomit blood. Jacob actually takes it upon himself to chew on mint leaves in the beginning because he can't stand having a gross mouth after so long, and rinsing with water. It seems to be working fine for him, so Edix let's him continue. If he gets a cavity...sucks to suck, I guess.

Jacob already bites his fingernails as a nervous habit so there's no issue with them being too long, and even if they were, they're too tiny for Edix to do anything about them. Just let 'em break naturally. Jacob tries to brush his hair to the best of his abilities with his fingers until he gets something similar to a pick comb from Ylva since its what she uses for Mibao's textured hair, which is better than nothing.

Technically in their current story, Jacob isn't wearing any of his original clothes anymore aside from his jacket. He now wears a specially made full body suit thanks to Venandi textile technology after Ylva gave him a bath when he was first given his medicine. If that outfit gets worn out for whatever reason, another one can be printed off for him in no time.

Yeah, unfortunately, Jacob is just straight up vegetarian at this point because no fucking way is he eating any meat he can't identify as coming from earth, and that still has yet to be determined WHICH earth animal it came from. Luckily, he does slightly broaden his range to a few foreign fruits that looks appealing enough and/or are shoved into his mouth by Mibao, which contain some of the vitamins and minerals he's otherwise missing. It's not a whole lot and he's fairly underweight even for his stature as a result, but it's better than being starved entirely. Kinda. Definitely anemic and vitamin D deficient.

Poor boy only deserves the best and continually gets the worst ): Someone take this baby back home to his mama and let him have one good day. Not me though, I don't write fluff, sorry (:

[bioethicists]

hi! just saw your post asking for advice, and while hopefully there's someone who can give more concrete advice than mine, i have experience with what you're talking about.

i have either gastroparesis or cyclical vomiting and it's tied into my dysautonomia, which skews my advice. but other than zofran my best practical tips are 1) avoiding heat and humidity at all costs (when i'm feeling sick my first lines of defense are ice packs to the back and scalp, cool water to sip, fans and excessive ac.) 2) humming and singing as loud as possible. it doesn't prevent much for me but it does seem to stabilize, i think it calms the vagus nerve? 3) other things that make my gi system relax are using a tens unit on my lower back and doing extremely gentle core exercises. i have a back injury so this is me anecdotally saying my pt for that helped my gastric emptying lol. 4) the most effective thing is definitely a long shot, but if you have access to supplementary oxygen, going on my oxygen machine for 15-30 min after eating keeps my stomach from spasming. it's "experimental" but it works. i know some places sell cans of oxygen for runners now and it may not work the same at those doses but it could be worth a shot if you're experimenting. some people recommend diaphragmatic breathing which could be worth something, i just hate it personally.

btw, it may be too late to get it anyway, but i've heard that some gi's that are stingy with zofran will prescribe the scopolamine patch. other than that benedryl tends to take the edge off for me- at the very least it lowers my throat inflammation a bit which helps, and it lets me sleep. i also chew on rock salt, which is likely not an option, but salt tablets might be, or something like pedialyte. ginger and mint are obvious but they help me a lot. ime they're most effective for preventing esophageal spasming from heavy burns, and i've definitely survived off the sugar in candied ginger before, yikes. id be careful of ginger fibers but mint tea is ideal.

i did throw up post wisdom teeth surgery several times. i got dry socket but it was most likely unrelated. either way i would majorly advise irrigating the areas as much as or more than recommended and doing a full rinse of the whole mouth and all the healing areas post vomit, as well as a sinus rinse if that's allowed and something you can manage, as i've found that minimizing burns in the area reduces sinus infection risk. i also always keep at least 1000mg of mint tums on me and take them right before i throw up, and id recommend that too, to neutralize as much of the acid as possible before it hits the mouth.

anyway best of luck to you. i don't have a magic bullet but if i figure if i throw enough stuff at you, even if you already know most of it, maybe something will be helpful. also happy to come off anon.

thank u so much this is so thorough!!! the worst of the wisdom tooth nausea has passed but i am perpetually nauseated for some reason or another so this will definitely be helpful. i don't see a GI doctor partly bcuz i have no insurance + partly bcuz my stomach problems are caused by my eating disorder so i feel too embarrassed/afraid to talk to anyone about it, especially since i feel like most of them would be like "wtf do you want me to do about this???"

[moongoopy]

always humble

a/n: a new transfer student reach the ears of geto and gojo and it seemed sukuna got to be buddy buddy with them first.

c/w: nothing, sukuna being mean to gojo for the lols

a/n: contemplating on making this a series but im not quite sure. this was supposed to be a whole scenario/oneshot but i didnt know how to write the rest lolsies

"soooooooo, sukunaaaa?"

"so what, gojo?"

sukuna was busy eating his school meal and propping up his feet on the seat which was a bad habit, this time having slabs of braised meats that was good on his tongue. food was especially nice when you were in the precense of misery,

gojo's misery.

"cmon, you know what im here for. i wanna know all the details on the transfer student!" this earned some intense slurping from toji whose eyes were also lit in amusement. these two men looked like twin devils with such malice on their faces that gojo satoru couldn't manage to get to know the new student before they do. this was satisfying to feel.

a cough was let out from the brunette beside gojo. he laughs a bit dryly, he didn't really talk a lot to the men infront of him not because he didnt had a lot in common with him but just because. they are honestly just one-track minded in their own ways whether it was for pleasure or for feel of a routine, it was hard to talk to them.

"satoru, you don't need to pry that much. we'll see them after this." gojo sat back in his seat, his arms crossed over his chest. his fangirls try to contain himself to the veins on his forearms no less visible than the veins on his temple from such a silly topic to be discussed. toji threw a glance to geto.

"can't, they're busy with sukuna." that made geto choke on his katsudon and it made toji grin, almost like he was waiting for him to chew just to utter something that sounded so lewd at first glance. a slight nudge was sent to the scar lipped man as sukuna puts his chin on his hand, lazily eating his food. he didn't want to let the duo know just what else he had planned for him and the transfer student but perhaps he can play around with how clueless they are but gojo caught the mischief in their eyes before they could start.

he knew sukuna and you were in the same club, the martial arts club. but how? so many rumours surrounded the both of them that they were close with each other and you only recently moved here. or was it other people misleading the fact that you two were just on par with each other but nobody could impress sukuna the same way that you do.

considering the fact that sukuna has not spat out anything about you or brushed you aside in this conversation. this man was leading him like a rat to a cheese held up by a string.

"well, if you two are so adamant on keeping it a secret. have you seduced them or something? i've never seen you this tight lipped before talking about a person!"

"only because im talking to you, gojo satoru."

that made him more irked to which geto had to hold his shoulder in a bruising way in order for him to just forget about it. they'll come and swing by during practise, its not like it matters if sukuna shuts them out the club; they can just come in before he does. its just that you vanish off with your new friends after school, it was that hard to have you alone. the white haired man took a breath in and stood up from his seat.

"ugh whatever, i'll find them myself!"

with that, geto was forced to carry his half eaten katsudon with him while toji mouthed a 'good luck with that' to the duo. almost like you were an anomaly to be found at this hour.

sukuna breathed a sigh through his noise and a small chuckle when he finished up his food, this was so entertaining.

[chessmaton]

dont know if i ever shared this on here,, but i have a silly little headcanon where isaac bontemps and celine georges are cousins n isaac is actually the reason that celine got into chess herself. it's gonna be a major thing in my little rewrite im doing but ill rant abt that later lol.

- basically since isaac is 9 years older, he'd be nine years old when celine is a little baby. she's his cousin on his mom's side, and he's always liked his aunt,, b u t he doesn't rlly like babies bc they're loud and they cry and he just absolutely hates that.

- when she was only a couple weeks old isaac hesitantly accepted holding her, but she instantly started screaming which enforced his i hate babies thing even harder than before.

- and when she's about eight months old isaac is made to sit with her, but he mainly just ignores her and tries to master his techniques in chess. as soon as he takes his eye off celine she obviously crawls away over to pieces isaac isnt using and immediately starts chewing on them. isaac doesn't notice but as soon as he does he screams as if he'd literally broken his arm. celine starts crying and it's just an overall nightmare.

- while his own mother is mad,, his aunt understands, celine chews and bites at ANYTHING she can get her hands on. she apologises to isaac, and promises she'll buy him a new chess set. but it's not the same to him, these pieces are close to his heart, gifted to him years ago,, they took his mind off the accident. they took his mind off the bad times. he was extremely attached to those chess pieces.

- a few months pass, and isaac has been taking a break after having his pieces destroyed. but he slowly starts getting back to it. celine isn't put into his room anymore, and if she crawls over to it he simply takes her back to her mom. but one day he's too engrossed in the game when a tiny hand grabs at one of the opposing pieces. isaac looks up to see celine with one of the chess pieces, and he's about to scream for his aunt to come and get her, but stops when he notices she's moving it across the board albeit in a completely wrong way. she puts it down and looks up at isaac who is staring. he lets her know she did it wrong,, but then realises she was only trying to copy him, so he moves the piece himself, showing her what its meant to look like.

- celine being only a baby doesnt really know what hes trying to tell her but she claps her hands and seems to be excited by what's going on. soon isaacs aunt comes in asking isaac if he's seen celine, only to find her on isaacs lap as shes watching him move pieces,,, even if she's not taking it in properly. isaac appreciates someone listening to him.

- any time his aunt comes over from then on, celine immediately will reach for isaac and he'll take her off his aunt and then they'll spend the next hour with isaacs chess board, he rambles on and on and celine seems content with making random noises in response... even if isaac has to take pieces off her because she still sometimes wants to chew them.

rewrite:

- after celines death, isaac is so glad he kept the chess pieces she chewed in a box.. they were so special to him before she'd chewed at them, but now they meant a WHOLE lot more to him. he keeps them on the mantle piece in his house, next to a photo of both celine and him when they were younger. its a sweet reminder of her, but he misses her dearly,,

[spacedlexi]

hbo tlou spoilers (and the game too) just rambling to myself bc i gotta get these thoughts out of my head

feeling.. conflicted about that episode still. wasnt gonna say anything but im a little bit nervous about how joel and ellie are being handled at this point just like overall

ellie to a lesser extent i just feel like shes a little.. one note almost (they gave her the joke book and she had some nice moments with sam at least). theyre just playing so hard into the spitfire side of her but game ellie was way sweeter and kinder than i think people remember? when i started my re-playthrough even i forgot how like.. chill she was honestly. a lot of her anger was reactionary/in defense and not always just immediately antagonistic. hbo ellie needs more softness to her its starting to annoy me a bit how just outright hostile she is to literally everyone

but in joels case.. the changes they made this episode honestly i feel were detrimental to his character development. they make it seem like joel asking tommy to take ellie is more about the fact that hes aging and hes afraid hes going to get ellie killed, so he needs tommy to take her because he has a greater chance of making it back. and they side step a bit the selfishness of joels request. when in the game it was SOLEY about joels selfishness and how he could tell he was starting to feel protective of/close to ellie and wanted to stop that shit immediately by passing her off to tommy so he could just wash his hands of the whole thing (which would also put tommy at risk and maria chews him out for it (which i wouldve liked to have seen in the show but alas...)). and the argument he and ellie get into (after she runs away!!) is supposed to be the culmination of those feelings and how hes pushing her away and hes afraid of being a dad again (im NOT your dad. and we are going our separate ways). but ultimately chooses to stay with ellie and that choice is SO IMPORTANT!! and now in the show its like... ok so... now youre Not afraid of.. getting her killed? because you STILL have a bad ear and ptsd? (that he wouldve had for a while anyway so honestly its a little funny theyre playing it up so hard all of a sudden him clutching at his chest all the time is just kinda funny to me again where is the subtlety i dont see it). and like with this change it makes their argument (and their reconciliation) less powerful honestly to me at least. that argument they have is seared into my brain its still one of my favorite scenes but i just wasnt feeling it as much with this different set up of events (and also imo the game still has the better actor performances PLEASE watch those scenes if you havent)

and this side stepping of joels selfishness as a character is honestly a problem for me. and im afraid what it might mean for future episodes. because joels selfishness is very integral to his character. knowing what i do about whats coming down the line, and how theyve been talking about the “cure” so far, im so 😬 just clenching my teeth so hard. because they just... keep saying every once in a while that “there can never be a cure making a cure would be hard how would you even manufacture and distribute it?” (squinting REAL HARD AT THAT LAST ONE!!) and im soooo nervous that they might downplay just how much of a selfish asshole joel is and how they might try to make his future actions less terrible.... or justify them in some way..... or something equivalent to downplaying what happens..... 

i mentioned it a while ago but these are arguments the fans have been having since summer 2013 but what annoys me about it is that none of it even matters!!! because the Only thing that matters is joels selfish choice. not whether hes right or wrong. the ambiguity is the whole point!! the selfishness is the whole point!! joel doesnt care and hes gonna do whatever he thinks is necessary regardless of the repercussions. and i am just so afraid theyre gonna undercut that. I HOPE THEY DONT IM CROSSING MY FINGERS SO HARD THAT THEY DONT WE CAN CELEBRATE IF THEY DONT but sometimes people are afraid to let their characters be shitty and have flaws and act selfishly and joel is a bit of a controversial character already. i hope they dont try to make him/his actions more “acceptable” somehow. i LIKE that hes like this it makes him INTERESTING

but yeah the rest of the episode was fine i guess. loved seeing jackson. oh but i will say that the end of the episode felt so uneventful to me which is hilarious based off of what happens, but the way things play out in the game is SO TENSE and drawn out that in comparison was just really weak in the show unfortunately. im sure it was a “for time” reason and like it still gets the idea across but again just more reason for me to stand by the game still being The True Last of Us Experience. looking forward to the left behind episode tho i am so excited to see my girl riley again 💔

[lostinatrainofthoughts]

cultivating mindfulness when it comes to eating!!

eating slowly, savouring and really tasting the flavours of each bite, and chewing your food well instead of just engulfing all at once really helps. it makes me feel happy and appreciative of the food that warms my stomach and keeps me full and motivated to continue my day. listening to your stomach when it's done also helps resist the need to eat more than necessary and eating in moderation.

ive always been a big eater ever since i was a kid, so obviously it would show on my body! i would always be a victim of fatshame when surrounded by a room full of skinny people. i would just always stand out. without fail, my uncle would just call out to me while i was eating just to ask why im fat in the middle of a family function, among a sea of people. my aunt would bring me to exercise time to time to lose the weight. my grandma once told me that being fat is ugly and no one would want me when i was 14 and i locked myself in the toilet and sobbed.

it was when i met my high school friends that how i viewed myself was alittle different. they asked me how to get my body and i was like huh???? but i'm fat. they were like what? no youre not. so that was mindboggling to me. til this day i can never seem to shake off that feeling. am i fat? or am i skinny? am i normal?

being scrutinised for just existing at such a young age messes up your brain, your perception of yourself, especially your relationship with food.

at 19, i did a really horrible calorie deficit of 600kcal each day and successfully lost 10kg in 2-3months? wild. but i wasnt happy. i got angry at everyone and hated food. then i binge ate and gained back the weight i lost. at 22, i suffered from steroid withdrawal and couldnt eat gluten, sugar, seafood, tomatoes, eggs, etc etc. and that was a whole lot to remove from my diet. i was 48kg and that was the lowest ive been. i had that weight when i was in primary 6. so when i was 12. and what was annoying was how people kept telling me that i should eat. the same people that told me that i shouldnt be fat, is telling me to eat more, now that i looked like that. i was so angry. damn if i do, damn if i dont. after recovering, i resorted to eat all the food i was deprived of for a year. and gained back the weight. again.

got my first teaching job and i hated it, gained some more. because of all the stress eating. food was my comfort.

it was hard losing back the weight ESPECIALLY when youre happy. i love eating (albeit a lil too much) it makes me happy.

Got dumped two month ago, and lost the weight i wanted to lose before LMAO. i just couldnt down my food during grieving. now that im okay, i want to see food in a different light but also become fit. which means losing weight correctly. thus, eating mindfully. and its helped alot. not restricting or depriving access to food, but just eating things in moderation. i dont have to starve myself. i dont have to eat all that cake in one sitting. i can savour it and there will be another day to eat it. with the addition of drinking alot of water to. and alot of walks to clear my head. it took me awhile to get here but at least im here now.

[struggle-but-its-all-ocean-floor]

what if its theatre performance something they cooked up for the media and to distrct the public?

why do stupid people like mhj keep garnering more attention bc it almost looks like they set it up perfectly for her to play the victim in all of it even tho shes done some bad shit she will still garner public sympathy some way or other. idrc much about it but im so tired of the way its everywhere literally the more people bring it up the more its giving her what she want and why oh why someone doesnt just put her out of her misery so that people can move on?

their groups will always gain success so its not impacting the groups badly in anyway just that those adults cannot seem to make the companies function properly. all in all its just tiring to see kpop have so much drama and negativity on a daily basis. it really is every week where either idols get backlash or someone in the company does something to make someone else get backlash. obviously concepts are going to clash bc kpop largely focuses on imagery and conceptual based performances. maybe if it focused more on the music itself instead or has it ever heard of less is sometimed more? maybe its bitten off more than it can chew and it probs needs a reality check.

People falling for MHJ's bullshit is yet more proof of why Trump won the presidential elections. Millionaires with their millionaire problems being relatable is hilarious.

I'm not following this whole drama too closely, but everything Bang PD did for MHJ?? Wild. He dug his own grave.

Most of the drama surrounding Hybe idols is not Hybe nor the idols' fault though... And Hybe is about making money, not music - even with BTS it was never just about the music. Hybe have a lot of good music though, but bad production. They have better music than concepts and idols imo. Anyway, Hybe's mistake was the same as other companies', which was replicate what worked. They saw NJ success and gave LSF Perfect Night - a chill title track when before they only had chill bsides - and then debuted ILLIT with a soft teen concept. It's like all SM groups sounding like NCT...

I don't know, there are a lot of issues with Hybe.

Thanks for the ask!