#of praise and abuse; i'm still working out the details of what he does but for sure he was handsome and charming and maybe Ajisai was lowke

[ubejamjar]

[dialogue template link]

[bonefall]

how much of Stormpaw’s demon are Maple’s curse vs just things that happen (cause in canon it’s really vague about whether Maple causes all those tragedies or has the ability to see his future for some reason)

EVERYTHING that happens in Stormpaw's Demon involves her. It's not being so dramatically renamed for nothing, she's a major driver and cause of the plot! Crookedstar's young name is in the title; but really, his demon is driving the misfortune.

That said... It's been a while and I'm heavily considering retooling the narrative.

Since I last REALLY worked on it, BB has changed in the sense that I'm a lot more willing to alter canon than I used to be. While my driving mindset used to be "telling a better version of the original story," and that IS a value I still hold... I've lost patience with the misogyny within the original work.

I've spoken at length about the way Crookedstar's Promise grinds my gears (PLEASE follow this link for a full breakdown of why), but in summary; it desperately tries to keep every male character likeable when they shouldn't be, saying nothing about the fact they are complicit in or even enabling abuse, while giving Crookedstar TWO flatly evil maternal figures. Even Brambleberry, who's heavily praised for being "like a mom instead," has a weird moment where she starts giving Crookedjaw the cold shoulder because she finds out he's chatting with a demon.

So like... I'm not sure if I want to make the "better version" of that story. That was the one that I already had, which had Mapleshade be acting entirely out of just the malice of wanting to hurt a child, while Hailstar and Shellheart are the excellent people canon wanted to see them as.

(not that it's even a BAD super edition, it's actually a really good one, but if it's my kitchen that's not what we cook here. Man I really do always massively overhaul my favorite SEs LMAO)

I think, specifically, I want to make Mapleshade slightly more morally gray and Hailstar more of an enabler. Shellheart is getting significantly retooled to make him more of the heartwarming parental figure I think he should be; someone loving to help balance out a very heavy rework.

And of course Brambleberry, I'm going to tweak her some. Try to make her flaws more consistent, get rid of that odd cold shoulder moment.

Old regulars will remember an old AU which is also still a massive favorite of mine; it was called Better Call Mapleshade, and it was kind of a commentary on how an environment can shape a person. Mapleshade, as a demon in heaven, was essentially their best prosecutor and defense attorney.

You can actually see how a lot of ideas from that AU ended up in Better Bones with the expanded trial system! I'm thinking of taking another page out of it, by making Mapleshade more aware of "the game" of Clan culture's structural unfairness, while also using it like a weapon against people she wants to hurt. A powerful demon of revenge.

Under the cut, what won't be changing, the way it was, and Draft 2 of Stormpaw's Demon.

(MASSIVE CONTENT WARNING FOR MENTAL AND PHYSICAL CHILD ABUSE including ableism. BB!Rainflower is WORSE than canon.)

WHAT WON'T BE CHANGING;

These are major details of Stormpaw's Demon that are different from canon. I'm working with these as givens and won't be changing between drafts.

Mapleshade does have a bone to pick with Appledusk's lineage specifically. One option might make her more discerning when it comes to her targets, but no matter what, she is going to have her eyes on this bloodline. She Haunts Applekin.

Rainflower is Hailstar's deputy. And I will make her downfall spectacular. If you were worried I was going to make her more sympathetic then you have no idea who I am LMAO

Shellheart is not Crookedstar's biofather While I want Hailstar to maybe be worse; I do want to fix Shellheart by making him a good parent. I've decided a good way to do this is to make it that Shellheart adopts Storm AFTER he's been abused by Rainflower. He didn't have authority over him before then. In general, I do want him to have a bigger positive role in this narrative. DEPENDING ON WHICH VERSION: Oakheart might also not be his bio-brother.

Crookedjaw is not a cruel name; it's an Honor Title. I've ALWAYS been frustrated by how canon treats scars and injuries as bad things. It's a BATTLE culture. Surviving brushes with death is their WHOLE THING. There is no "crookedkit" or "crookedpaw," he was Stormpaw until he earned his warrior name, with "Crookedjaw" commending the massive lengths he's gone to in order to survive, adapt, and honor StarClan.

Mentor change: Goodbye Cedarpelt, hello Magpiesky! I decided to repurpose one of the Barn Cats! Magpie from the books is a daughter of Perchshine-- the cat who killed Mapleshade. She joined RiverClan long ago. She's actually the one who points him in the way of the barn, and has to train him "as a punishment for teaching him disobedience" when he comes back. I actually have a couple of minor reasons for making this change but I'll spare them for now. He might start with Cedarpelt, but then run to the barn when Cedarpelt is basically refusing to train him properly.

Some family tree shuffles I need to update this tree to show Crookedstar's new situation with Shellheart (and also reflect some other changes I made like confirming Hallowflight fully being Lizardtail's honor title and Robinpaw being the apprentice who gets eaten by Ripwater), BUT, overall this tree is solid.

The ableism Storm faces is going to have a different flavor I have built BB in a way where him surviving his injury would be very respected, but he'd get badly coddled and pushed into early retirement. Him running to the barn is because he suspects he wouldn't have gotten training otherwise.

He kills a fox there because it's Cool. I might give him the tail to wear as a trophy of the kill because that's also Cool. The fox was very old and feeble at that point, which was why it was attacking chickens, but shhh

The Way It Was (Very Evil Mapleshade)

Darkstar's Commandment creating the Queen's Rights, that no queen would ever have to reveal the other parent of their kittens, wasn't enough to appease Mapleshade.

Nor was the damning of everyone that Mapleshade killed. In a fit of irrational fury at all the death, StarClan sent all her victims into the Dark Forest.

But she can't chase them. In the Dark Forest, you don't see someone unless you WANT to see them, not unless you're hanging out in a "land mar" (a sort of personal hell that all demons get).

on the off-chance she does see them, Frecklewish usually rips her to shreds...

Which is the next problem.

You can't DIE in the Dark Forest if you're a demon. You poof back into existence the next day, no injuries, no scars, nothing.

she's bored.

And vengeful. In spite of the wrong being righted, she still thinks she deserves MORE revenge, because what she wanted was really Appledusk.

She finds it unfair that HER legacy is snuffed out, that it's Darkstar's Commandment and not hers, that her babies were destined for greatness and by extension SHE should have been great.

So she takes up a hobby in tormenting Appledusk's descendants. She wants to eradicate them completely, but is spiteful enough that she'll just settle with hurting them.

The first one she managed to kill was Applefrost, Reedshine's son. Just by accident. She didn't know she had such power over the mortal plane.

After that, she managed to drown Duskwater. The daughter.

But she couldn't wipe out HER daughter in that storm... and she brought two more Applekin children into the world.

Stormkit and Oakkit.

So, naturally, Mapleshade turned her sight on the little fuzzball.

He would be an easy kill, in theory. She smashed Stormkit's jaw on the rock, but Oakkit pulled him out.

From there, it's similar to canon for a bit. His recovery is long and painful.

Rainflower is disgusted, and wants absolutely no part of helping him through this process.

That wasn't an injury gained in battle-- it's because he's careless and didn't listen to her. He's going through all this suffering, and for what?

To never become a warrior?

She's cruel to him, begins to neglect and distance herself from him. Discourages him from suckling.

Mapleshade LOVES this. It's worse than she could have imagined. Rainflower is horrible.

Gleefully, she realizes that Stormkit dying now is what Rainflower wants.

So, she kills two other kits in the nursery.

Fallowtail's only survivor is Willowkit, so she has plenty of milk. She starts suckling Stormkit.

(Graypool is now an older sibling! She's actually an apprentice at this time! Later, she encourages Willowkit to visit their father, who decides to just kidnap them completely)

Eventually, being the deputy, Rainflower had some kind of conversation with Hailstar.

During that conversation, she asked him to do something very cruel to Crookedkit.

And Hailstar LOST IT

He's the successor of Volestar, who was appointed by Darkstar herself to uphold the Queen's Rights and protect children.

How DARE you try to turn RiverClan into a place of disrespect?? To use my power this way?!

So, her power was stripped, and Oakkit and Stormkit were taken from her.

From there, Storm eventually goes to the barn as discussed, and Mapleshade continues to do things to hurt him.

This was my first draft, and now having thought about it a lot, I feel like it's not super cohesive. A demonic Mapleshade who's entirely malicious is neat, but I feel like this makes her flat. Shellheart's not tied in super well either, and Hailstar's stand feels kind of hollow because Rainflower hasn't actually used or leveraged the new authority I've given her.

But most egregiously? Rainflower's abuse being so close to canon tastes kind of bland. I feel like I can make it sooo much more intense, complicated, and painful.

Draft 2 of Stormpaw's Demon (Demon of Revenge Update) Essentially an outline for the first few chapters establishing Mapleshade by dealing with Rainflower and then fragments for the rest.

Mapleshade's still malicious, but this time, there's more to it.

Darkstar's Commandment, and the damning of her victims, DID appease this Mapleshade.

But is she satisfied? No.

She doesn't feel like she was wrong at all, actually. Without her killing those three in revenge for her kittens, StarClan's anger probably would have subsided.

She can't hunt her victims down again though, because, they don't want to see her. She fights Frecklewish every now and then but what's the point?

She WON already. She already GOT the euphoria of dragging them all down with her.

Punishing everyone who had ever wronged her was the highlight of her existence... but now it's done.

She's in Hell and she's bored. Her punishment is never seeing her kits again, but more importantly, her punishment is eternal shuffling through the leaf litter when she's SO GOOD at getting revenge.

Problem with revenge is, when you get it, it's gone.

She probably messed with Duskwater and Applefrost a bit, but if she killed one of them, it was accidental. It made her realize that revenge without a motive is just boring.

The prologue would probably open up with establishing her as a character. Who she is, what she wants.

Because the first chapter would dive RIGHT IN to Stormkit. The only child of Rainflower, the deputy.

Right along with Stormkit, you only learn in hindsight that he was born in a storm that killed his grandmother. It's clear that Rainflower reminds him of this often.

And that she's nasty to him. Giving him unclear instruction and finding things to critique, telling him to jump and then barking at him that he didn't ask how high.

She has great expectations for him, and reminds him of their family lineage often. Of who killed his great-grandfather, of what a fantastic pair of warriors Applefrost and Duskwater were

"I lost everything the night you were born. You'd better be able to make up for it."

Unfortunately, Stormkit is not the sort of child who's good at listening to those sorts of orders. He's stubborn and defiant; angry and oppositional.

When he doesn't understand why you do something, he doesn't want to do it

He "embarrasses" her a lot, and gets hurt for it.

In public, these are swats and whacks. The things you're "allowed" to do to discipline your child. In private these are a lot more severe.

So when Stormkit is given an order or a command, he obeys completely out of fear rather than respect. And sometimes he forgets his fear.

The other cats in RiverClan? Well... Stormkit is a problem child, and Rainflower is a fantastic, organized, respected deputy.

Hailstar especially, unfortunately. He feels bad... for Rainflower.

"It must be so hard for her to have such a little brat as a son. He never seems to learn his lesson. When will he stop wandering off? What's wrong with him? He certainly didn't get that from her."

His best friend, Oakkit, gets in the SAME trouble he does.

He's mischievous, fearless, and outgoing, and... never gets punished for it.

There's times where Oakkit does something and Stormkit physically recoils, just imagining what Rainflower would do if HE did something like that. Especially in how Oakkit talks to his dad, Shellheart.

For example, Shellheart will come to get his son for suckling time and Oakkit will tell him to his face things like, "I don't want to! I'm HAVING FUN!"

and shellheart doesn't flip out. He just. explains why it's important to eat on time.

"I know. But Fallowtail wants to go have fun too! She's waiting for you to come and suckle so she can go play."

"Well why can't she just play now and I suckle later?"

"When a suckler is full of milk, it makes their belly very itchy. She's uncomfortable when you don't come and eat on time."

"nnnh"

"Tough sell? How about I sweeten the pile with a badger ride back?"

"Hm. You drive a hard bargain, Mr. Dad."

Stormkit doesn't know why he hates it. He's all angry inside when he sees them acting friendly. He's polite because Oakkit's his best friend and Mr. Shellheart is really nice, but he just...

He's too young at the time to know he's envious. He wants what Oakkit has so badly it hurts.

Sometime after an exchange like that, Stormkit is visited by Mapleshade for the first time.

And they talk about Stormkit's anger and resentment. Stormkit lets it slip that he HATES his Mi.

Waits for Mapleshade to stop him and tell him, like everyone else does, that "she's still your mother."

...but she doesn't.

Besides Oakkit and Shellheart, she's the first person who doesn't tell him that.

She just lets him talk. Lets him go on. Starts making nasty jabs, which make him laugh.

"She says she lost everything the day I was born!!"

"What?! That's crazy! She got you that day!"

"Right?! It's like she's saying I'm nothing! Maybe she SHOULD lose everything, then she'd know what she's got!"

And then she asks, "Do you want her to die?"

Suddenly, there's a chill in the air. He's really shocked by the suggestion of that. He didn't... he didn't mean it to go THAT far. That's not what he meant... is it?

But she's fading back into the shadows, just her eyes visible in the dark. Tells him that she can see he's unsure. That's ok.

Holds up a budding sprig of sycamore, the maple she's named for. Its buds grow in a "deer hoof," with one large bud in the middle and two "toes" sprouting on its sides.

Teaches him that if he needs someone in his corner, all he has to do is call.

(to summon her, a bud is plucked off the sprig and thrown in the river.)

He wakes up with the sprig in his paw, panics, and shoves it under the nest he shares with his mother.

The experience shakes him. He probably ran to Brambleberry for the first time, who explains very seriously that he was contacted by a demon.

From the description... Mapleshade. The cat who killed his great-grandfather.

He BEGS her not to tell Rainflower. PLEADS with her. He can barely hear her already saying yes under the throbbing sound of his heart in his ears.

When he calms down, he hears her saying yes. On the condition she will need to smoke the nursery with sage and cedar, and that he will be needing a bath as well.

When he's still concerned that Rainflower will question him, she makes a plan to distract her for a day, long enough for him to do his cleanse and the smell to fade.

And, of course, that he will not follow any instructions that Mapleshade left him. He agrees. But does not tell Brambleberry about the sprig.

For a while he's very "well behaved." But it's not about him, never has been.

It really doesn't take long at all for Rainflower to get worse. Kids who are defiant like that are usually exercising a defense mechanism-- if they're not aggressive about their boundaries, their limits are pushed to a breaking point.

And after a big blowout like this, which was probably a public spectacle, Stormkit runs back to his nest and digs out the sprig, runs to the river, and throws a bud in the river.

Having calmed down from his shuddering fury, the dread begins to set in as a dead-smelling wind ruffles his fur. He can't help but feel like he just did something very stupid out of anger.

Looking at his reflection, he sees no cuts or swelling. The blows weren't "bad enough." He doesn't have the kind of injuries that anyone would do anything about. Equal parts guilt and frustration swell in him like a tide at full moon. How could he be sitting here wishing she hurt him worse?

So he tries to soften it, "I don't want her to die, I just, I... I just want her to lose everything like she says. Please..."

The wind whispers in his ear, "it will get worse before it gets better."

"I can handle that," he sobs, "I can do anything. Please. Make it stop."

After that, Oakkit probably runs to come find him. Stormkit doesn't want to be found. He makes up a childish plan, on the spot, to run away and join ThunderClan.

Oak says that's mousebrained, but Storm has DEVOTED himself to this plan he made just now.

And is crossing the stones.

Oak sighs, but if Storm's going to ThunderClan, he should really go with him because then they could totally fight off a small fox (Childish hubris)

Unfortunately, Rainflower found them. asks Exactly What He's Doing.

The kids freeze. Stormkit in particular has that horrible, twisting anxiety that you get when you hear The Tone that means you're in for an absolute wallop when you get home.

He's about to start running, but then the voice tickles his ear-fur again. Mapleshade tells him to go back. It'll be ok. She's on his side. She'll make her pay.

Oakkit is still frozen in place when, as if possessed, Storm's body stiffly returns to his mother.

There's a silence. The river trickling through the stepping stones. Storm looking with fear and anger up at her.

She's waiting for an apology, groveling. He doesn't give her one.

So she raises her paw and gives him an awful, hard blow.

His little body twists, flung off balance, trying to correct himself, and he can swear he felt paws pushing him a second time, whipping him downwards.

The feeling of falling fills his stomach, the water sloshes into his ears before there's a ring of a sound like CLUNK-CRUNCH, and then the river floods his nose and mouth.

It all goes dark.

When he wakes up, it's with a throbbing pain in the side of his jaw so intense that he can feel it all the way down in the tip of his tail. He learns from Brambleberry that Oakkit rescued him-- jumped right into the water to pull him out. And then Rainflower pulled him out. That was when Shellheart came and found them.

There's a LOT of arguing outside, but Storm can't ask what it is because it hurts to move his mouth at all. Brambleberry hushes and soothes him, telling him it's nothing he needs to know about.

(MEDICAL INFODUMPING: i do actually have a medical reason I want his injury to come from someone hitting him which causes him to fall. The injury he'd get in canon would actually be a really simple and common split in the front of the mandible, which wouldn't cause his mouth to have a dramatic twist and would heal very easily. He needs to come down on the rock at an angle to shatter the joint like that.)

From here, the tune about Stormkit starts to change.

Oakkit was distraught when they got back, telling everyone that Rainflower smashed him against a rock.

Rainflower's story is that he was running, and she chased after him. EVERYONE knows that he has a habit of doing this.

Then HE slipped and fell and hit his face on the rocks. His fault.

Oakkit was running away with him, he's lying.

Shellheart is FEROCIOUSLY taking the side of his son, furious that she would imply he raised a liar.

Hailstar is taking the side of Rainflower. It's two troublemaking kits against his deputy.

Yes, Rainflower's disciplined him before, but that's no indication she'd do something like this on purpose.

Brambleberry weighs in that the injury that Stormkit has isn't the sort of injury a kitten gets from hitting his jaw. The bone is shattered.

probably does some kind of visual to go along with it, using a stick and a stone

"The bones of a kitten are like the young shoots of a tree. When they fracture," she takes a young twig and snaps it in her paws. The fibers in the center are bent but unbroken, with the bark splintered around them, "they flay but don't snap."

She places the stick on the ground, "So for the injury that Stormkit has," and violently smashes the rock down onto it. It's shattered and pulped, the fibers flattened, "there would need to be a great force."

Shellheart hisses, saying that THIS is the evidence. Oakkit's story is consistent but Rainflower HAS to have lied.

Several cats are now on his side.

...But more are on Rainflower's.

"She's his mother. She loves him. Oakkit has to be mistaken."

"Why would she chase down her own son just to smash his face on a stone?"

"She wouldn't pull them out of the river if she really wanted to hurt him!"

Hailstar prompts if there's ANYTHING else that could explain this?

It comes up that Brambleberry cleansed the dens the other day.

She says that it's possible there is a demon's influence at work. She can't know for sure which one it is-- but it may have a grudge against Rainflower.

She allows them to reach the conclusion that it's probably Mapleshade on their own. She will be talking to Crookedkit when he's able, but she's not about to tell anyone about his dream yet.

She doesn't want him to have the extra scrutiny when he needs to rest and heal, but if she'd shared that an unnamed cat had a demonic dream, it would set off panic as cats accused each other of dark magic.

Rainflower manages to escape consequences by pointing out that it was likely Mapleshade that injured her son.

Oakkit is still trying to tell everyone SHE did it, he SAW it, Stormkit walked back and she hit him and smashed his jaw on the rock

But he's hushed. It's decided there's not enough evidence. And not enough reason to doubt the noble deputy.

She's never done something like this before, after all. It's more likely it was an accident.

There is a group of cats that are dissatisfied about this, though, and it only grows when Brambleberry explains that Stormkit's prognosis is not good.

There is a very high chance he will die. Even adult warriors can wither slowly from this sort of injury.

Recovery will be slow and it will be painful.

...but after that incident? Rainflower gets bolder. She got away with it in public. She got a taste of the leverage she has, how much they trust her.

Stormkit spends a lot of time floating in between his dreams and his living-world pain. There's at least one interaction where he speaks to Mapleshade, screaming at her that he TRUSTED her, he KNOWS she's the one who hurt him! How could she?!

She can't say much, kept at bay by a hazy smokescreen of sage. "You must live! You must survive!"

Her old words echo in his head; It Will Get Worse Before It Gets Better.

Throughout the recovery, Rainflower grows more cruel and more distant.

In public she likes to talk about how difficult this is for her, but he's strong, he will survive.

In private, she'll do things that hurt him, like repositioning his head in a way that "his jaw will heal better in." When he cries, she's unsympathetic.

"You brought this on yourself. This is for your own good."

Her definition of "private" is also changing. She's getting more comfortable with snapping at him in front of limited groups of people.

Since she's deputy, the other two parents in the nursery, Shellheart and Fallowtail, do their best to care for Stormkit while she's away. He's pulled away from them when she gets back, any ideas or suggestions they have vetoed.

When they try to go to Brambleberry about this, she shakes her head with frustration and tries to make them understand she knows... and she's just as unhappy with it as they are.

She tells them she keeps going to Hailstar, but he's still hesitant. Even though she's trying to tell him that Stormkit's recovery is being undermined.

"Rainflower's son has always needed tough love. She's his Mi and knows him best... she's still taking care of him. Give her a warning before suggesting anything drastic."

In the other draft, I had Mapleshade kill two of Fallowtail's kits to free up milk for Stormkit. I'm not sure I need that anymore honestly, plus, this rework's heavy enough! She can just have Willowkit without any deaths, while Graypaw remains an older sibling.

When Brambleberry informs Rainflower and Stormkit that the jaw isn't healing straight and it will probably be at an angle forever, Rainflower reacts with disdain.

"His first scar and it's nothing he earned?!"

She's reminded he might not even survive. He's lost weight. He's eating less. Stormkit curls up quietly. He hates how they talk about him like he can't hear them.

"Surviving is the bare minimum," she scoffs reflexively. There's a silence so thick you can cut it with a claw. After an uncomfortable heartbeat, she continues, "What kind of a life will he live if he-"

"a life," Brambleberry cuts in, "he'd live a life. And it can be a good one"

Rainflower growls, spitting that the twisted jaw is a disfigurement. He'll never be able to open his mouth all the way. He can't chew and he can't suckle forever. Stormkit will never become a warrior if he can't even dispatch a fish with a killing bite.

"Scars are the sign that StarClan has mended our bodies after fighting a good fight, making any Clanborn cat worthy of being an elder" Brambleberry preaches, "Names are what mark us, calling upon our ancestors to look down at us and witness our actions, Rainflower. Don't say anything you wouldn't want them to see."

Rainflower flicks her ear, seething, a rumble in her throat, "was that some kind of threat? As if I've said something wrong?"

"If you feel threatened, look within."

Stormkit resents all of this talk. He can feel his mother tensing up next to him, hears the low rumble progressing into a growl. When adults play stupid games with his mom, he's always the one who ends up dealing it. Why don't they get that?

It's only Shellheart who seems to have it click, "Hey, this is the nursery. Can you take it outside, please?"

As Brambleberry and Rainflower leave, Stormkit lays curled up in his nest, cold and alone. Oakkit leaves Shellheart's paws to curl up around his best friend.

Shellheart stares at them, shifting, but ultimately stays where he is.

There's a lot of words I could write there, between Storm and Oak. Ones where Storm speaks about how he just wants the pain to be done with. Others where Oak comforts him, tells him how much he means to him. More where they end up running into the wall that they're just two little kids and they've both learned the truth that they have no control over what happens when Rainflower comes back into that den.

But I think it would be good to end there, at the lowest point. Because it gets better.

Pissed off by being gently confronted, after her warning from Brambleberry, this is the moment where Rainflower goes too far.

Hailstar is gradually losing his patience. Every time this issue comes up, he's making some kind of new excuse for her.

She's still a competent deputy who holds the Clan together, but this has taken a toll on her reputation.

Her biggest mistake was becoming more open with her abuse after being emboldened. And I think Hailstar is beginning to feel like he's got "egg on his face."

After standing up for Rainflower several times, getting heat from Brambleberry, and now the Clan also starting to murmur...

It's getting very difficult to justify why he's sticking his neck out.

and maybe, part of him is starting to feel a little self-conscious about the way that his deputy is acting about her injured child.

When she comes storming up on this fateful day, interrupting whatever he was doing to make a proposition, it's the breaking point.

Her suggestion: "I've realized that there's only one way to ensure my son survives his injury. He's being haunted by our demon, which only started threatening him when he disobeyed me for the last time. WE need to teach him a lesson, and make sure StarClan gazes down upon him to acknowledge his mistakes."

"...how do you intend to do that?"

"Stormkit must be given a Dishonor Title."

A Dishonor Title, one of the greatest shames that a leader can put onto one of their warriors. A punishment that ranks just below exile in terms of severity.

"you want to put a dishonor title... on your child? one with a life-threatening injury?"

"One that acknowledges his carelessness. To protect him from the demon."

Protect him from the demon. "I see now what must be done."

Previously, I'd thought of Hailstar as someone who would be loud and merciless when he does this. Now I'm thinking it was something he put a lot of thought into. He stands up, brushes past her, and goes to talk to some of his most trusted cats. Brambleberry, his mate Echomist, an experienced warrior such as Piketooth or Ottersplash, and lastly, Shellheart.

So it's not a surprise to anyone but Rainflower herself. He doesn't want this to be dramatic. He doesn't want it to be another big scene. Stormkit has gone through enough.

When he eventually has this Clan meeting, he calls it quietly. In his address to the gathered cats, a crowd that Shellheart and his family are missing from at his request, he says that his greatest regret is that he didn't do this sooner. He even doubts that Mapleshade is haunting her at all-- now having seen her behavior, he says it's more likely that Rainflower bashed her own child against a rock and simply lied.

First, he announces that Stormkit will be removed from her care. He will no longer be of the Applekin bloodline.

She is banned from the nursery at the request of Fallowtail, and will only see Stormkit when supervised by his new Mi, Shellheart.

Brambleberry has already agreed to this necessity, and is performing a ritual so that StarClan may approve of this choice.

He also strips her of her deputyship, and appoints Ottersplash instead. (I might change this to a different deputy eventually)

Not everyone agrees with Hailstar. There's an uproar from Rainflower's supporters.

She was a VERY popular deputy.

More that are just uneasy, feeling that this was a BRUTAL punishment that she didn't deserve.

Lots are happy and optimistic, though. But the mixed reception is exactly why Hailstar asked Shellheart not to be here.

This isn't something Stormkit has to deal with right now.

When Darkstar herself, who created the Queen's Rights, was on her last life, she appointed Volestar to uphold the law as her legacy knowing that Oakstar might try to break it again.

Volestar appointed Hailstar, in the hopes that he would uphold her legacy in turn, to protect kittens and those who can't protect themselves.

He was late, and can only hope he was not too late. He hopes that Volestar can forgive him for that.

Meanwhile in the nursery, Shellheart, Oakkit, and Stormkit are alone, far in the back, where the padded moss keeps out arguing voices.

Oakkit, bless his little heart, is babbling with excitement because his best friend is his BROTHER now. And it's gonna be THE BEST.

He's talking about how it's fine he can't chew because now they can have soup, and they're going to make the nest bigger, and they can stay up later because they can whisper quieter if they're this close together

But Storm doesn't really hear him. His head's swimming, thinking about the dull ache in his jaw, how MAD his mom's going to be because he can't imagine her not finding a way to hurt him, how this is all his fault because he called Mapleshade.

He can't stop it anymore and starts sniffling, which turns into weeping. Still, he's TRYING not to bawl, knowing, knowing he looks stupid when he does that

Shellheart just pulls him in close, so he can bury his face in his fluffy chest. Tells him it's going to be ok. He's safe now. No one can hurt him there.

Not on his watch.

Unfortunately, it's not the last he sees of Mapleshade. After this...

Mapleshade shows him everything she did for him. Yes, she did smash his jaw-- but it was to get him away from his mother.

And she planted an idea here and there, just little whispers into Rainflower's ear. Nothing she wouldn't do all on her own.

And now... Mapleshade believes she's earned some respect.

Stormkit can't disagree... she did exactly what she told him she'd do.

And now that he's not Applekin anymore, they can be Real Friends. They could even strike up a partnership, of sorts. After all, what did StarClan do to help him?

It wasn't StarClan that answered his prayers.

I'm still figuring out what, exactly, she's going to want from him. I have a scintilla that she wants to give him a life, maybe as some kind of bridge to StarClan to see her kits?

Some strange "attempt" at redemption, perhaps? Which she ultimately doesn't get.

Not that she didn't enjoy doing all that for love of the game, mind you. She's very good at getting revenge and it's fun and exciting to pull it off.

But hey, if you're good at something, never do it for free.

What causes Mapleshade to ultimately turn, and begin haunting the bloodline again + Oakheart, is Crookedstar rejecting her in some way.

She comes to collect on her end of the bargain and he refuses, breaking their partnership. He chooses StarClan.

And then from there, it's ON again. Now she has another EXCUSE to do what she wanted to do, and take out her boredom and malice on his family.

This time, it includes Oakheart as well-- because he was Crookedstar's brother.

It was also her curse that harmed Willowbreeze and eventually Silverstream. She's on the warpath.

Maybe she actually helped make him leader on purpose. Like he explicitly asked so she helped him by making the squirrel omen, instead of just doing it for him unprompted. Still figuring it out.

Shortly after the scene where Stormkit cries, he needs to have a confrontation with Brambleberry about Mapleshade I think. She needs to explain why Dark Forest demons are seen as bad.

She's biased, of course, but it's not like she's TOTALLY wrong either. Cats like Mapleshade ARE vengeful, in ways many other spirits are not.

If you're curious, Crookedstar's dishonor title from Rainflower would have been something comparing him to a parasite and referencing his ""accident"" like Fleaskip or Midgefall.

The point she's trying to make with the Dishonor Title is that her son is an annoying bug who didn't listen, as well as subtly erase she fact she knocked him off that rock.

She wanted his name to say "everything that happened was my fault and my mom did nothing wrong"

Not that Hailstar got as far as even asking lmao

[rontra]

drop your ffxiv lore

asking me to drop my pants in public would be less embarrassing..... you have to understand crucially that i don't know anything about anything and dont want The Knowers to see me

LMAO well i can talk about it a little but only on One Condition. as i mentioned before im a Certified Stormblood Gamer . in fact according to the wiki i am about this deep (level 64 questing atm)

so basically the condition is this: if something wasn't explicit in ARR or HW you cannot under any circumstances talk to me about it...! if you have any sort of reaction to this post that has to do with any later material than that i ask you Don't say it to me. if you are in doubt about whether something "counts", the safe answer is yes it does, and just going "neat!" instead & moving on will do fine. i really don't want to play spoiler chicken with you and don't want to know anything i don't already know. i'm enjoying taking my time with the game, so please refrain from correcting or corroborating anything i have to say about it atm!!!!!!! i'm still baby! thank you....!!! 😭👍

anyway my xiv characters are 1 a dude who was born in a wet cardboard box all alone and might be scared of women . & 2 a scary woman who did definitely kill her wife but is also the most Wife Guy for like secret reasons. the second one's lore is being ironed out as we speak so its all subject to change but the concept is there

1. ZT

love this guy. i even made an amv about it when i finished arr

(every xiv player voice) my wol is the most special boy in the world.

i actually had a whole thing typed up here about like his fucked up mom and whatever but i got shy and deleted it. i might go over it if someone's actually interested . but basically he's a poor little meow meow who, up until the beginning of the game, was abused pretty consistently bc of [evil cat people family dynamic reasons]. his family members mostly hate his ass and were rarely all that nice to him, so he has a lot of issues with self-worth and things like that--he doesn't feel like he's particularly good at anything or really "worth" much

he's from southern ilsabard which is a place i uh do not know much about. as a stormblood gamer. but it's fine the details don't really matter (walking away quickly)

his most prized childhood possession was the ruined scraps of an old arcanist's tome, and through sheer tenacity he managed to teach himself his first rudimentary spell from the incomplete paragraphs therein. he mostly chalks that feat up to the fruit of Time + Boredom and not talent or love, but those pages were the only thing he took with him when it finally came time for him to follow his older brothers' footsteps and leave the family.

gets on the boat. goes to limsa. enlists in the arcanists guild to cultivate what he sees as the One Single Skill He Has. people in the guild ???praise him??? and encourage him?? to keep at it??? which he is not at ALL used to, but it motivates him to work even harder at his training. he's pretty far from home and deeply unsure of himself, but he absolutely does not want to go back to the limited world he knew until now. so that unwillingness to look back sort of inherently keeps him trucking in search of a new purpose to latch on to

he's very sensitive to people being niceys to him, because he's not used to it at all. he's 4x weak to it and might cry if it's coming from an older woman who is even vaguely maternal, due to his horrific mommy issues. also, he wants to be useful to people ("for once"), so he has a hard time saying no to all the million quests and sidequests in the game. perfect

his inability to say no to people who request his help puts him on the Old Nymian Scholar Investigation Mission of course. i am Scholar Guy for a reason and that reason is ZT. this dude never had anything his family valued, and lived as the expendable runt of the litter his whole life, and now is suddenly entrusted with something important for the first time in his life--something bigger and older than him, a way of life, a legacy to uphold and carry forwards into the future

and that mantle is pretty heavy. but he'll carry it! and that's how he becomes a healer boy who will defend any random tonberry with his life. he feels very strongly about the extinct art of the scholars and also about being a healer in general--boy finally found his calling! also he has the echo and is our funny warrior of light but like that's fine. i'm sure the "not being able to say no to people, no matter how tired/hurt/etc he himself is" thing is not catching up any time soon. i did play DRK up to 60 though and lmao. well. hang in there. i even made an amv ab

there's some more stuff about him like how his path through eorzea and as a healer specifically is in lockstep with death at every turn and also how he's a blue mage on the side and whatever but this is long enough. here's a pic of him with one of my favorite "no one else gives a shit about this character" npcs

he's a pretty kitty and very sweet altho he does need to learn to assert himself (and starts doing so through the course of the game). he's very attached to his friends. he doesn't have any love interest or w/e for now he's figuring his own stuff out. gaining confidence. classic stuff. easy protagonist recipe. my meow meow. i played pvp just to get him a haircut. the things i do for zt

2. KRALJICA

the new baby. kraljica is not her original name, but she's never going to use her original one again. her surname is Radinasch, which used to be Aradina, before she killed her own queen who may or may not have been also her wife (ofc by hrothgar convention she then changed her surname to represent the loss of her queen) (despite being the killer) (it's a memento :) )

she is a bozjan hrothgar so we're back to ilsabard shenanigans (which remains kind of problematic for a stormblood gamer, but It's Fine). she actually knows ZT's mother, but not in a good way. Radina's group was in local political tension with ZT's mom's group, so there's some history there (notably in that kraljica would recognize ZT as "zahsa's runt" (derogatory) and not be very nice to him about it, but they don't really share a Personal history beyond the Faction Squabbles)

back to the point though, kraljica killed her queen, and most of the other followers of said queen were not very happy about that. killing the queen is like really high up on the list of things hrothgar do not want you to do. so she is branded queenkiller and exiled. some of the other hrothgar choose to follow kraljica out (having faith in her leadership for various reasons), making her their new queen as they venture to eorzea together (and all of their surnames become akraljica to match).

kraljica takes the surge of enmity against her as a natural consequence of what she did, and doesn't correct anybody who identifies her as a queenkiller in her journeys. she basically does not care about her shattered reputation or having to leave her home, because she is on, a secret, Other Scheme.

what they don't know of course is that radina asked her to do it. for scheme reasons. #women

kraljica is acting in accordance with radina's will. not even her own loyal followers know what her plan is, but they can clearly tell she has conviction; even when being hated by her people and ousted from her home, kraljica moves with that same inexhaustible willpower

(maybe she has questions, when she's alone, and wonders how much radina kept from her in the final days. and maybe she misses and mourns her. but all of that is only for her, in private, when no one can see... in front of the others, she's unflinching, and a leader they will follow no matter what...!!!)

she doesn't seem to have the echo and isnt a warrior of light. ZT can do that stuff. she's like busy with her own thing. she's running around collecting suspicious amounts of aether and being suspiciously driven and faithful to her cause. suspiciously

ok fine it's because radina asked her to cut her loose from mortality, venerate that, and bring her back as a primal. because she wants to become a war god strong enough to take revenge on the empire. something that will keep coming back, no matter how many times it's destroyed, as long as her chosen can still call for her....<3 that's so romantic

of course, what returns will not be radina-the-person. it will be an image of her will, shaped by kraljica's mind and the bloodpool of radina's aether. radina is dead for good; what kraljica is summoning is a representation of radina's goals and dreams, fueled by pure belief and a lot of aether. That Which Resembles Wife But Is Not will cast one megaflare for every minute of suffering inflicted upon bozja. (speaking to the empire thru a megaphone) this is your final warning

their summoning is pretty unorthodox and and "partial" (the primal does not manifest a corporeal form at this time, but it is certainly present in its vessel to some extent)--the game already allows a few different quirky summonings, so we're just playing calvinball and making up Another Special Case (this time owing to the specific setup and execution of radina's plan, her and kraljica's synchronicity about the whole thing, kraljica's unique position in her life, and some sprinkles of Rule Of Cool to taste) . imo the game is flexible enough about it that putting in Just One More Weird Summon Strat is not gonna break anything (LMAO) so it's fine <3

all you have to do is write in a side character who goes "but! that's not possible..." while the thing is happening in front of them

anyway suffice to say no one is doing it like radina's weird ass, and she couldn't do it without her wife guy who is willing to do whatever she wants. suffice to also say that kraljica's own aether is noticeably Weird and over-aspected by her beloved primal, and that "radina" (that which resembles wife but is not) Could Be lowkey tempering her right now and nobody would even notice it because her goal and the primal's goal are already one and the same. but that's probably fine. radina would never do that to her <3......

unless of course there are things about her even kraljica never understood. but surely that wouldn't happen

its really hard for other people to get a grip on kraljica because she won't let anybody close to her emotionally and she definitely won't spill the beans on radina's secret scheme. her boys are with her no matter what (#hrothgang) (they also picked up a viera whose city name now includes "akraljica" hahaha). other people are just like um that is a shady lady who is casting spells we dont even know how to classify. scary. also she's got a situationship with a nasty bandit milf (my friend's hrothgal<3) so we better just leave her alone. bad vibes all around

radina was a gunbreaker. kraljica is very good at manipulating aether and a strong fighter too, but i havent rly settled on a canon class for her. because her actual "canon class" is like. "a summoner from a hypothetical Other FF game. not even a specific other FF game, just Very Much Not This One" LMAO

she would just be like ah its um secret ancient arts from my homeland . you wouldnt know her. shes from a different continent. not like how they do it in limsa. not at all. goodbye (walks away mid conversation) and the arcanists could not stop her. like

anyway i'm not used to playing a female char so i keep getting distracted by her breasting boobily around. they dont let ZT jiggle like that so how was i to know... and basically, so-called free thinkers when dalmascan draped top 👇

she almost had a different face marking way back in the benchmark character creation era, but looking at it now it looks so weird without her big X . like who is that

(metian vest so important for the shoulder bulk... not gonna lie)

anyway kraljica would hear about the final aeon from ff10 and be like that's fucking right.

[blade-liger-4ever]

The Problem with Mara Jade, and Why She Doesn't Work

A Mara Jade dissection? From me?

More likely than you think!

Now make no mistake, I know exactly what kind of fanatic waters I'm treading. After all, it's no secret that the Star Wars fandom simply adores anything that Mara does, and people have been clamoring for her "long awaited" return to the Star Wars Canon since she was cast off along with the rest of the crew when the Mouse took over Lucasfilm. However, I have had many thoughts in direct opposition to Mara's worshiping fans, and now that I've finally had enough of both Mara's escape from her actions and attitude, as well as having snapped after suffering the ignorance of those who praise her to the heavens, I'm at long last going to tear down this character and explain in detail not only why she makes no sense in universe, but why she should have never been introduced the way Zahn introduced her in his trilogy featuring Thrawn.

Buckle up, 'cause I am not holding back on the fandom's darling girl.

Problem One: She never suffers in her upbringing

It's explained by everyone in Legends and the fandom that Mara Jade was taken in from a young age to be the infamous "Emperor's Hand" and raised to kill his enemies without remorse and blindly follow his orders. They all say the training is rigorous, and that she was spared no shortage of training in combat, espionage, and whatnot, and I will admit, her skills prove it. But you know what the flaw with this logic is?

Mara is not once shown to have any trauma, pain, or even physical scars from the training.

Don't believe me? Just look at her trading cards which, for added benefit, had a professional "head-turning beauty" model pose for her. She's a shiny, pristine woman in those pictures with no sign of the abuse she logically would have suffered during her training.

"Blade, why are you harping on logic? This is Star Wars, where there are space wizards and jetpacks and intergalatic travel. Logic doesn't have a place here."

I keep "harping" on logic because for the suspension of disbelief to properly work, there needs to be logic for things to work in a story. Take Galen Marek, a fellow Legends character, for example. He was raised by Darth Vader to be a relentless, unstoppable assassin - and his body is covered with scars, and most importantly, it takes Galen two thirds of the game to break free of his loyalty to Vader and see that he's been nothing but a means to an end to his master. By contrast, Mara doesn't suffer nearly as much, nor does she even, truly, break out of Palpatine's hold, even in the globally praised Thrawn Trilogy.

Which brings me to Mara's next problem.

Problem two: She never truly rejects the Dark Side, or her role as the Emperor's Hand

Now before you jump on me, let me say this: I recall her killing Luke's clone and "freeing" herself of the final command Palpatine lodged into her brain. However, if given the option, I still believe Mara would have killed Luke simply because she had no real reason to not kill him.

Oh yes, she kept finding "convenient excuses" to keep him alive, but those are points of plot armor. Anyone else in her place - like fellow Emperor's Hand Shira Brie - wouldn't have hesitated to shoot Luke's head off, or stabbed him through the heart with a lightsaber. The only reasons she didn't were because Zahn wanted Luke to have an enemies-to-lovers dynamic, and the writing world has never recovered since he glamorized that trope. Furthermore, despite the fact that Mara has a conniption over being lied to and manipulated into thinking she was the only Emperor's Hand by Palpatine, she does not do so with a realization that she was doing the wrong things for the Emperor. No, she only sees that she was used as a means to an end, and her fury is not all that different from Maul's rage when we see the former Sith Apprentice again in The Clone Wars - which, logically, points to the fact that Mara had a thirst for power, something that Legends actually confirms.

Don't believe me? Pull up her Wookieepedia file. It explicitly states in her bio that in her early career, she pratically dreamed of killing Vader and taking his place as Palpatine's apprentice. It's even said she revels in the Dark Side and her mission as Palpatine's Hand. Furthermore, she does not even express remorse for her actions, or even attempts to make amends by sharing her knowledge of Imperial Intelligence with Republic Intelligence. Compare her to Black Widow: when Natasha Romanov switched her allegiances, not only did she reject her past and even her nationality, she joined SHIELD to atone for her actions.

What does Mara do? Get Anakin's lightsaber handed to her by his own son after she tried to kill him repeatedly, and simply departs to "find her own path."

No honey, you don't get a consolation prize for choosing practicality in that moment with Luke's clone, and you certainly don't get to traipse around the galaxy free of consequences of your actions without at least giving vital information to the Republic.

"Oh, but she'll suffer from the memory of what she's done, Blade!"

Really? There is no reason for that woman to have a conscience, and the fact that everyone tries to hammer that into me points me to the next issue.

Problem three: Mara Jade is given a conscience with no substantial basis for it

Allow me to bring to light the history of a former assassin I love dearly for what she suffered to explain Mara's struggle here: X23/Laura Kinney of Marvel fame.

Literally born into a branch of the Weapon X project, Laura's life revolved around nothing but training, emotional distance, cold-blooded torture, and killing on orders from the highest bidder - and she made her first targeted kill at age nine. Because of that, she emotionally shut herself down.

Why do I have no issue with Laura's response to her first kill? Because she had two people who went against the Facility's status quo and fed her scraps of kindness, warmth, and love.

And for that, Laura was mind-controlled into killing them both as "poetic justice".

The first one she had killed via a "trigger scent" that was engineered to send her into a blind rage was used on her teacher, Tanaka. When she awoke from it, she was horrified to find her "sensei" lying dead in a pool of blood, her own claws coated in his blood. After this, she was given Kimura as a trainer/handler, and the woman took every opportunity to abuse and torture her - all in the name of "making her strong". This, coupled with her mother having to back off on showing her love, made Laura suppress her emotions, and deal with them by cutting herself with her own claws. Her mother, Sarah Kinney, didn't realize until later that the scars (I cannot recall if they healed or not) were Laura's own doing and not Kimura's.

Laura was used by many to kill hundreds, and Sarah eventually gave up hope that there was a little girl left in the assassin.

That changed, however, when Laura found a young boy listed as a target on her assignment. She knew that if she left him alive, she'd be faced with more punishments, torture, and abuse. She knew that, and she must have been terrified for her life.

But Laura, having been shown compassion and love at different points, was able to see a bit of that same fear in the boy.

And despite knowing full well what was in store for her, Laura let. Him. Live.

Sarah orchestrated her and Laura's escape after this, and had Laura undertake one last mission to kill the personnel at the Facility and the new clones of Laura that were being grown. However, Laura's main abuser had a last laugh by getting some of the trigger scent on Sarah, and even though they were both free, Sarah paid with her life at Laura's hands.

To this day in the comics, Laura waking to see her dying mother and her claws sticky with her blood, is one of her most traumatic and devastating memories.

I bring this up, patient readers, to point out the severe flaw in Mara's creation. She was taken in at three years old to be raised in the heart of evil, and yet she's somehow the only Emperor's Hand to have a conscience. Three years old is not the proper age to have a total recall of what morality is, especially when you're being trained to kill with abandon and to not care about taking a life. More to the point, Laura had two people who gave her morals and humanity. Mara, by contrast, had no one: no nanny or diaper-changing droid was mentioned in order to credit where she got her moral compass from, which flies directly against Galen's turn from the Dark Side. Because even Galen had PROXY to thank for being remotely approachable at the beginning of The Force Unleashed. If you don't believe me, check out his Wookieepedia file; the droid is expressly stated to be the reason he has any compassion at all.

Mara has no reason for having a moral compass, and anyone who tells me otherwise should go dunk their head in a frigid cold lake.

Problem four: Mara has too much autonomy for a born and bred assassin

Remember what I was going on about with Laura? Beyond the surface of what I scratched, she never got a break or any rewards for a job well done. That is because no one viewed her as anything more than a tool to get things done. Among the underworld, she was a favorite weapon, but because of that favoritism, Laura was worked to the bone by people around her. When you're a tool, favorite or otherwise, you don't get breaks.

But according to the almighty Timothy Zahn and countless others in Star Wars, Mara got to take vacations because the Emperor favored her so much. And furthermore, she had such an advanced favoritism with him, and was such a spectacularly good agent, she could choose who to kill and who to hide from the Emperor without him being the wiser. Mara even had the nerve to think of and enjoy herself as a "law unto herself" while still being under Palpatine's thumb.

Bullcrap.

Fellow assassin Galen never had breaks, child assassin Laura Kinney never had breaks, international spy Natasha Romanov never had breaks. They never had breaks because they were TOOLS. Tools, in the eyes of their masters, are nothing but instruments to be used or thrown away as seen fit, regardless if said "tool" is a handheld object or an entire company of soldiers. Assassins have this even worse because they are people exclusively used for your personal gain. Giving Mara Jade breaks from her work is inane and breaks the logic of having an assassin turn over a new leaf. And the reason for that is because all the other examples I named worked their fannies off in order to make amends and actively choose to become better. Even though we got little with Galen atoning for his actions, he still tried his best.

Mara doesn't do anything to atone, apologize, or even make up for the things she did. She lived and died in Legends continuity as a selfish brat who got away with literal murder and never had anyone question why they had her there on their side when there was never a guarantee beyond Luke's out-of-character defense of her by saying she "no longer serves the Dark Side/the Emperor".

Luke, my guy, my childhood hero second only to Optimus Prime. You know better than this. Yes, you see the good in everyone, but there was never anything she did right for purely right reasons to have garnered that level of loyalty and devotion from you. She tried to kill you, wanted to take your father's place in Palpatine's grand scheme, and was frightfully close to killing you in the third movie of the Original Trilogy while laughing as you fell into the sarlacc pit. The fact that this all goes on, and no one in or out of universe makes her pay for her actions tells me she was just everyone's darling OC insert girlfriend for Luke, who they could do anything with, and people would and did accept it because they wanted Luke to have a "hot bad girl wife".

Luke is the pinnacle of goodness in Star Wars. A pinnacle of goodness deserves someone who is just as good for almost the exact same reasons as the pinnacle, but able to back him up in his saving endeavors while being a shoulder for him when there was one lost soul he couldn't save.

Mara Jade has none of that, and she never showed anyone that level of care and attention. And if she did, it did not make sense with all the crap she got away with.

Conclusion

Well, there's not much I suppose to conclude this. I expressed why Mara doesn't work in excruciating detail, and why she didn't work in the end. I will go out on a limb and say that my distaste for her is clear, as well as my opinion that she should not have won Luke's hand when he had many other love interests (look it up. Trust me, he had many girls eyeing him, and had many dates in Legends.)

I will, however, say this much: In my Star Wars Canon, Luke marries Alex Winger, the only girl in Star Wars who I feel matches his personality and needs well. Ben Skywalker will not exist in it, unless I make him the oldest or youngest of Luke and Alex's kids, which is entirely possible now that I consider that option. And it may surprise you, but I do intend to bring Mara into my stories - as a true villain, though she may get a redemption before dying in my own take.

Regarding any hate I receive for both my tear down of Mara and my changed plans for my own Star Wars Canon, I will tell you this: I am one person with these thoughts and feelings, so far as I can see, whereas the much adored Mara Jade has hundreds of appearances in old Star Wars media and various fanfictions. If you can't tolerate my dislike for Mara, then go suck your thumb while reading Legends books involving her. It's not worth either of our time to fight over that blasted female, and I've got too much on my table to bother wasting my free time arguing over her.

Good day, and may the Force be with you.

[tumblingxelian]

Hey @rachelsshowerthoughts

I figured this might work better than submissions given who or whatever is fucking with your comp. Anyway I think recalled the submission details I sent in, at least two, I hope it was only two ><

1: Aware AU Abuse is the same as canon

What I mean here is that I think it would be structurally integral for the AU to not 'worsen' what was shown on screen. At least, not until the kids actions start causing their parents to react, develop, grow worse, ETC. Thus, anything that is demonstrated needs a canon basis, with the main shift being in the kids perspective on it and the writers framing.

So Gabriel still thinks he is making decisions for Adrien's benefit, still says all he does is for his family & will still hug Adrien after an Akuma home invasion. He''ll also still attack his school, isolate him, and put him in danger & be entirely unaware of the cognizant dissonance.

The same would be true for Nathalie, she can justify Gabriel letting his first Akuma loose in Adrien's school, perhaps even hoping to scare Adrien into staying home because "Obviously" Gabriel has full control, "Obviously" this is for Adrien's benefit, "Obviously" this is the right call.

Does that make sense?

Amusingly/sadly in this regard Chloe's parents are very easy to work with because of their Akuma. See, we know how a loved one is usually treated during Akuma attacks. They usually get a lesser degree of or insulation from what's done to others. Or are the target but in a misguided & warped attempt to help them.

Sabrina, Jean & Caline all show normal Akuma traits when it comes to Chloe, and Caline particularly stands out but:

Sabrina: The first time she just pranked, and bothered Chloe, it was all things considered extremely mild. The second time was full "I want to help but am an Akuma so I am unhinged" way.

Jean: He was angry at being fired, but it still manifested n a desire to have people get along with Chloe &have her be nicer.

Caline: Even though she'd been explicitly hurt by Chloe avoided her entirely & instead went and attacked Andre. Then she used the fact she had "Taken care of your father" as an invitation for Chloe to come find her. Like she perceived him as a threat to her.

Her parents on the other hand...

Audrey tries to murder Chloe on sight. Then keeps defaulting to murdering her with Chloe having to justify her continued existence each time until she couldn't & was killed.

Andre turns the powerful and willful Audrey into a needy hanger on, who exists to have easily met needs & praises. He had similar intents on Chloe. Demonstrating how regardless of what he says, the relationships he has are all about him at the end of the day.

Even if Akuma are exaggerations, that still means Audrey at a minimum feels NOTHING for Chloe & would kill her like she killed everyone else the moment she had the power to do so. Meanwhile it still shows how Andre conflates both of them in his head and how all his relationships are toxic and selfish.

I feel these factors would also be analyzed and picked up on more by the kids cos again, shift in perspective.

2: This line from a recent fic I wrote is one I am still very proud of:

"I know... I'm sorry," he murmured, a gentle hand on her shoulder, his next words bathed in almost palpable self-loathing. "You know, I always thought you and your dad were... Good, I thought you guys really loved and admired each other." That drew a shrill little laugh from her even as the taste on her tongue was bile, "I’m- I’m sorry Adrien but that… That was never true.” He squeezed her shoulder and she found more words spilling out unbidden. “I like Sabrina, I love you, I even admired Ladybug and my mother. A part of me still does, even if neither look at me anymore, if they ever really did." Adrien leaned against her, just a little and Chloe bumped shoulders with him before pulling back and adding. "I don't have a dad, or even a father, I have a 'daddy', it's very different you see. Though hah, now I don't even have that and I... I don't think there's a way to fix it… Any of it."

[silvfyre-writings]

Snapshots Pt. 5 (BSD Fanfic)

Welcome baaaack, I hope I didn't keep you all waiting for too long! Life has been a bit busy for me (working full time does not leave much time for writing honestly) but I'm doing my best to keep you all fed!!!

Poe was afraid of many things, but some were worse than others.

Crowds were one of his fears, albeit a minor one. Rather than make him scared, they made him uncomfortable—his time in the Guild with forced socialization was to thank for that,

but if you gave him the choice of staying home or going out into society, it was an obvious choice as to which one he would pick. It wasn’t that he hated socializing, because when he was comfortable and happy, he was actually quite good at it, it was just that he never really had enough time to prepare for the socialization. And preparation was key when it came to his fear of crowds. Because with the proper preparation, he was able to go out—usually with someone else, because he rarely ventured outside by himself—and have what he liked to consider a ‘good time.’ But if he wasn’t able to prepare, then any and all interactions within the outside world were filled with anxiety and stress that continued to build the longer he was out. And once that anxiety started to build, it seldom went away, escalating until he was either breaking down into panic or safely at home.

So yeah, Poe didn’t really consider his fear of crowds a true fear, but rather a discomfort.

Another one of his minor fears was his own ability, and the only reason that he considered it a minor fear was because recent events had helped him to accept that his ability could help rather than harm. Because for as long as he could remember, all his ability had ever done was harm others, usually against his will since he hadn’t had the same control over it as a child that he did now. He remembers every person he’s ever killed with his ability, whether it be an accident, on purpose, or for the Guild, and it hurts every time he remembers those people. There was only one person that Poe didn’t regret killing, and that was the person he caught abusing an innocent baby raccoon, the mother already dead from that person’s abuse.

Had that incident still scared him and made him aware of just how dangerous his ability was? Yes. But did he regret using it in that moment to save the life of an innocent creature? No.

After that incident however, Poe swore off his ability; at least, until the Guild had come along and Fitzgerald had found his ability fascinating to use, for all the wrong reasons of course. Poe may have been made the Guild’s Architect, but he was the Guild’s prison warden in a sense, trapping Fitzgerald’s enemies into books that the man had him create. The books he created in that time were barbaric and cruel, but he did it anyway. Because Poe wasn’t the nice person he allowed himself to think he was, and he needed the Guild’s resources for his revenge plot against that detective that had bested and mocked him.

Edogawa Ranpo.

Poe had had it all thought out, had it all planned down to the last detail, and he knew that his plan would work, and that he’d finally kill the greatest source of his misery. He wasn’t fond of having to use his ability to do so, but there was no way that he’d be able to win against Ranpo without first stripping Ranpo of the very thing that made him the ‘World’s Greatest Detective.’ His ability. For six years, Poe had thought about how unfair it was that Ranpo had been handed an ability that brought him no pain, no suffering, no fear, when every other ability user that Poe knew or had crosses paths with, had been, or was frightened of the power they held, including himself.

Only, Ranpo’s ability wasn’t an ability, and once again Poe was defeated.

He’d expected that to be the end of him. He’d expected Ranpo to mock him, he’d expected Ranpo’s companion to straight up kill him herself, but neither of those things happened. Instead, Ranpo praised him, praised his ability, and Poe had been stunned, just watching as they snatched the Moby Dick plans and left. He’d thought that the end, but then Ranpo had tracked him down and forced himself into Poe’s life, befriending him, praising him… loving him. All things Poe had been deprived of for so long, but there was one thing that Ranpo did that helped him to fear his ability less; he actually asked Poe to use his ability on him again the next time he wrote something.

Actually asked him.

And then Ranpo had asked again, and again, and over time, Poe began to look forward to showing Ranpo his latest work, and over time, the fear he had of his ability, lessened. It was still there, and would probably always be there, but it wasn’t at prominent as it once had been.

Poe’s biggest fear though, was heights.

For as long as he could remember, he’d always feared any and all activities that required his feet to leave the ground; the thought of even leaving the ground in the first place was enough to send his heart racing, and make his palms sweat. The first time he’d been coerced into leaving the ground had been at the local fair, his adoptive parents taking him there because all children loved the local fairs, right? Wrong. Poe remembered that day clearly, and how terrified and anxious he’d felt; hand held tight by his adoptive mother with hoards of people pushing against them no matter where they walked. But that hadn’t been the worst part, no, the worst part had been when the woman had decided that he needed to see the fair from as high as possible, and had taken him on the Ferris Wheel.

He’d tried to refuse, begging his adoptive mother to go on literally any other ride but that one, but she had been adamant.

The entire time he’d been trapped in that box, Poe had cried and trembled, fear giving way to panic in seconds as the ground grew further and further away. His adoptive mother had told him to stop being stupid, and Poe wanted to yell that it wasn’t his fault, that he hadn’t asked to be born with this fear—because even scared out of his mind, he could admit there was a beauty in seeing things from up high, but it just wasn’t for him. Yet for some reason, the people sworn to take care of him couldn’t see it that way, and the years after the fair were actual hell, because his adoptive parents deemed his fear of heights pathetic and stupid, and tried to deal with it by subjecting him to heights as often as possible. Something stuck on the roof? He had to climb up and get it. Travelling to another city? He had to deal with the mountainous roads. And sure, exposure therapy probably worked for some people.

But not Poe.

No, it only made his fear worse.

How did I wind up in this situation? Poe squeezed his eyes shut; his back pressed as close to the wall as he could get. Poe continued to question himself, even as his breathing picked up until he was more gasping and choking than actually breathing. His throat bobbed, and he let his head thud against the wall; he was trembling and trembling bad, and it was only because of the force that he was using to keep himself against the wall, that he didn’t collapse into a heap. He dug his nails into the brick behind him, the pain keeping him tethered to reality, doing his best to ignore the sweat making its way down the back of his neck.

Poe’s hands felt clammy, and his blood roared in his ears, his heart pounding so fast that if he wasn’t already aware that he was panicking, he’d start to think he was having a heart attack. But even though he knew it was panic, that knowledge did nothing to help stop it; if anything, it only made him panic more. At this point, the only thing that would stop this panic of his, would be to get off the roof he’d found himself standing on, but he couldn’t do that because he was panicking, and when he panicked he couldn’t move; it was just an endless cycle that would only end when eventually, the lack of oxygen made him pass out.

But he had to.

He had to because Ranpo was beside the edge of the roof, handcuffed, bleeding from a head wound, and unable to move. Poe could hear him groaning and shifting about, but with his eyes closed, he couldn’t do anything but listen. He wanted nothing more than to rush over and pull Ranpo into his arms, to feel the warmth of his skin and the beating of his heart against his own, but he just…

Could. Not. Move.

So stupid. Poe slid to the ground.

“Poe…”

It’s not even that tall. But it was, it was so high.

“Poe, please.”

You are going to die. No he wasn’t, but—

“Edgar!” The sound of his given name, yelled so desperately, gave him the strength to open his eyes, and it only took a second for his frightened ones to meet Ranpo’s equally distressed eyes. “Edgar, please, you need to breathe.”

He tried, he really did try, to take that one breath that would tell him that everything would be fine, but it got caught in his throat and he choked on it instead. And instead of getting mad or impatient and yelling at him, Ranpo continued to talk calmly, encouraging him to take that one breath that would kickstart his respiratory system into functioning again.

Finally, Poe managed to take a breathe and hold it for longer than a second, and his mind cleared just a little. Feeling sure of himself, Poe took another breath, and another, the world returning to its normal state the more breaths he took. The panic that had been running rampant through him began to ease, still there and threatening, but falling back into the back of his mind where he could ignore it so long as he was distracted.

And Ranpo was plenty distracting. “Ran—Ranpo—I—”

“It’s fine, don’t apologize.” Ranpo said, eyes soft. “Just keep breathing, okay?”

Poe nodded, and let his eyes fall shut, allowing the world to disappear for just a moment. He wasn’t going to be able to ignore it forever, but for now, he did. After a few minutes of silence, Poe opened his eyes again and looked over Ranpo, taking stock of his partner’s condition now that he was in the right state of mind to actually do so.

The wound on Ranpo’s head was crusted with dried blood, with trails running down his face and staining his shirt, and he looked a little tired. It was impossible to tell just from that if Ranpo was concussed, but it was obvious that the injury was paining him from the way his eyes only flicked open every now and then.

At some point during Poe’s panic, Ranpo had tried to get closer to him, because rather than next to the edge like Poe remembered him being, he was now halfway between the edge and Poe. He swallowed the anxiety that threatened to rise, and slowly began to shuffle across the roof, keeping his eyes on Ranpo; the temptation to look elsewhere was strong, but he refused, because he knew that the moment he became aware of his situation again, he’d be lost to panic again. With every step that Poe took, Ranpo was there with words of encouragement, and it was with those words that Poe found the strength to creep along, even though his entire body was shaking, and he really just wanted to run away and go back to the ground.

“There’s a bobby pin in my pocket.” Ranpo said the moment that Poe was beside him, eyes that were glazed with pain staring right through him. The detective twisted until his pockets were within reach, and Poe didn’t hesitate to find the pin, pushing Ranpo over more so that he could reach the cuffs keeping his hands behind his back.

Even with shaking hands, it only took Poe a few seconds to get the cuffs off. “Got—Got them.”

Immediately, Poe found himself being pulled into Ranpo’s arms, and his vision went dark as his face was hidden against the crook of Ranpo’s neck. Poe sagged, and let out a sigh as he returned the embrace, clutching at the back of Ranpo’s shirt like his life depended on it, even though the danger had long since passed and all that remained was his longstanding fear of heights. One of Ranpo’s hands began to toy with his hair, fingers twisting and threading themselves between the locks, and Poe felt soft lips press against his temple.

“Breathe, Edgar.” Ranpo murmured, holding him gently. “You’re safe, I’m safe. You did it.”

“It’s so—It’s so—” Poe fumbled over his words, letting out a whine instead.

“It’s so high?” He nodded. “I know, but trust that I’ll get us down, alright? You just need to stop shaking so much before I try and move us.”

“Are you alright?” Poe asked, having forgotten in the heat of his panic that Ranpo had only been seconds from losing his life when he had arrived. Not to mention the detective was most likely still hurting from the blow to the head he’d taken—Poe couldn’t help but feel guilty about needing help when his love also needed help.

Ranpo nodded, and gave him a squeeze. “Nothing some painkillers won’t fix. It’s not my first brush with death, remember?”

“I know, I just—nngh—”

“You were just scared?”

Bless Ranpo for knowing him so well. Poe nodded and pulled away from Ranpo, confident that he wasn’t going to panic now—the talking had done wonders for his panic, and even his shaking was lessening. He stared into Ranpo’s eyes, and brushed some stray hair out of the others face, taking care to brush over Ranpo’s injury with the lightest of touches; still, Ranpo flinched, a minute one, but one all the same, and Poe sighed. “I’m sorry.”

Ranpo tilted his head. “What for?”

“For taking too long.”

If he’d just been a little faster, a little smarter, he would’ve been able to figure out where Ranpo’s attacker had taken him long before Ranpo had been hurt, and in turn, completely avoid having to climb the ten story building in order to stop the attacker from throwing Ranpo off the roof. Sure, it’d ended well this time; the criminal was trapped in Poe’s novel, and Ranpo was safe and alive, but it should never have gotten to that stage in the first place. He should’ve been able to stop it from going that far.

He always called himself Ranpo’s rival, yet right now, he felt nothing of the sort.

“Edgar, please, get out of your head before you send yourself over the edge.” Ranpo’s hands came up to cup at his cheeks. “Focus on the positive that everything is fine. That we are both fine and good. We’ll go home, patch me up, and cuddle in bed. But first, we need to get off the roof, okay? Are you ready to go home?”

Poe nodded, and squeezed his eyes shut, sliding his hands to grip at Ranpo’s own, placing his trust into his partner’s hands. He felt Ranpo squeeze his hands and stand, and he followed the other’s guiding squeezes and words until he too, was standing. Poe focused all his attention on the warmth that was Ranpo’s hand clutched in his own, and ran a thumb over the smooth skin to further focus. Because he knew that the moment that he stopped focusing, he would end up right back where he started, and honestly, he was a little tired of his weak constitution. So he kept his eyes closed, and he kept holding onto Ranpo’s hands as they made their way down the stairs, taking it slow, and keeping close to each other.

Because as scared as Poe was right now, he knew that Ranpo wouldn’t let any harm come to him, and it didn’t matter what fear it was—whether it be his fear of crowds, or his fear of heights—Ranpo was always there with reassuring touches and gentle whispers, slowing both himself and the world down to Poe’s pace.

Until he was ready to face it again.

[samithemunchkin]

Keegan and Sage headcanons

ok ok I've finally sort of thought of few. Just generic headcanons and set in the fics I've written with them. Still have no idea what I'm doing, pls I'm so open for any questions, suggestions anything at all. Don't know if I should do a relationship headcanon one.

Keegan

Horrible childhood, still haven’t figured it out fully because I keep veering into the same ideas I already have for Mitchell and I wAnT iT tO bE different

Ran away when he was 15, he might have been lanky but already tall and being abused made him pass as an 18 year old so he could enlist

Operation Sand Viper was his first actual mission, kinda got assigned by accident but they were lacking manpower and didn’t look too closely who they sent

Pretty much had an absolute meltdown once the fighting died down and Rorke was the one who found him first 

Trauma bonding and admiration and boom, Keegan felt like Rorke acted way more like an actual father than his own ever had

Rorke found out his actual age but instead of outing him, he offered to find him a place in the Marines to get a few more years of actual training under his belt before he’d let Keegan join Ghosts full time

During Operation Return to Sender, Rorke had made Keegan attend some mandated Marine training, idk quite how it all works but completing it would make him a sergeant, hence why he wasn’t with the rest of them.

And boy did that leave him with terrible guilt/anger/even more trauma

Became more stoic and withdrawn after that

Man hasn’t probably eaten a single home cooked meal in his life, doesn’t know what healthy eating means, would probably hiss at vegetables and fruits. He’s lived fine on bland mush and MRE’s so far and would be a giant baby about trying actual foods

Craves physical touch, pats on the back, hugs, will inwardly melt at praise but doesn’t exactly know how to express that need

Human furnace

Hates his scars

Adores cats, will try to befriend all the strays at whatever base he’s at

Also likes dogs

Basically any animal tbh, likes how he doesn’t have to talk to them, just his attention and affections are enough

Does not want to lead, hates the pressure and responsibilities, it’s why he’s never wanted to raise in rank any higher than a sergeant

Touchy drunk but there are three stages of it, beer makes him loose and touchy, hard alcohol makes him touchy and horny, red wine will make him touch the ground because his legs stop working

Sage

Grew up on a farm, had a few horses and had fully planned to follow her parents’ footsteps and take over the farm at one point, even went to agriculture school and all

But after graduation she decided to enlist to the US Army

Little brother also in the army

Got injured pretty badly during one mission, haven’t really figured out the exact scenario but her actions saved her unit and/or civilians or something, while she was recovering Elias contacted her to ask her if she’d like to join his team

Whatever the mission was, it involved some bad people that still live so as to protect her family, she asks Elias if her file and all records of her service can be destroyed, hence why she only goes by her call sign

Quiet but friendly and sarcastic 

Analyses everything. And I mean everything, always thinking, observing, notices minuscule details

Quickly becomes someone who everyone go to for advice or just to talk

Likes to tinker and do things with her hands, if there’s any renovation needed to be done at any base they’re at she’s more than willing to help out on her free time

Is not used to touch but doesn’t flinch away from it either

Also loves animals, they had plenty of them on the farm

Has absolutely horrid circulation, is always freezing and it only gets worse once she starts taking medications for her ataxia

Has always been a bit of accident prone

Has a big indent on her right thigh from being kicked by horses on it twice. There’s just basically a hole in her thigh muscle with raised edges

Likes how the team feels like a family but it’s constantly vary that bad things can happen at any time to any of them so she’s almost afraid to enjoy it fully

No matter how much she drinks alcohol, she will not appear drunk. She can be black out drunk and none would be the wiser until she pukes or manages to pass out on her bed. Not a chance that she’d let herself pass out anywhere else

[staefire]

I'll try something silly/cute. Since I'm playing on the Nvidia cloud gaming because my pc isn't able to handle BG3, I can't use mods of any kind. So, I saw SO MANY beautiful OCs/Tav, modded or not, reblog with your character and their background + class etc! Did you choose for your character a romance or not? I'm super curious this is my first glance to dnd ♥️ I'll start with my favorite(made so many...)

my OC's story under the keep-reading contains SPOILERS from Astarion's story and non-detailed cws such as: slavery, abuses, mental/personality disorders, amnesia, temporary death. And lots of grammar mistakes because I perish bloodless like every Astarion stan out there.

non spoiler summary: Kirei, trans man, half wood elf, half vampire spawn (around 130+ yrs old)- class: fighter. Due to his nature one eye is red, the other of its original color; light purple. He gets his tattoo right after getting out of the ship alive (he's a funny one in his own calm way). He's friendly but distant and prefers solitude, quiet places, over the chaos surrounding him. While he seems perfectly stable and chaotic good, he's actually batshit insane thanks to a certain someone! Twagic stowy under pics.

Kirei is a spawn who survived the ritual years before the game's adventures. Trans man, asexual, fighter - he's the son of a famous cleric who, at the time, was blessed directly by Selûne. He later had a child he didn't want, and left Kirei in an orphanage where he grew up until he was an adult, never adopted. Despite his clear phobia towards people and trusting - or talking - to them, alongside the crippling pain of dealing with the sensation of a body that felt wrong to him, Kirei was kind hearted. He later started working in a shop in Baldur's Gate, where the tailors were two kind nobles who dedicate their time into fashion. Kirei was an excellent tailor despite his body size; he was always praised for how delicate his hands could work on the finest fabrics. He never developed any real friendly relationships aside from the couple, until a lovely lady arrived one night at the shop before closure.

She was specifically looking for him, bombing him with lovely compliments as she opened herself up on admitting she always desired Kirei from afar. Taken by a strange urge to follow the woman's charm, and naive enough to trust her words, Kirei is lured into Cazador's mansion and tortured, then transformed into a spawn. His blood, though, is somewhat holy - Selûne's divine blessing - and blocked his transformation halfway. His heart was slow but was still beating, only one eye out of his light purple ones became red, his skin was no longer warm but not cold either - even his hunger is easier to control. After atrocious abuses Kirei gets marked, but his body does not fully transform still. Perfectionist as he is, Cazador orders to toss Kirei's starving body down the sewers from the depths of his private chambers. The fall broke his body entirely, but something kept the man alive. He remains paralyzed, feeding on what would crawl over his mouth until he could at least move his neck, for around 100 years.

The other spawns for the ritual were ready, as he was forgotten. Slowly, once Kirei could move at least his arms, he crawled and gnawed at every animal until he could get out from that fetid place. From there, everything in Baldur's Gate had changed, and his family - the tailors - were long gone without any relative left. In solitude, Kirei hides himself outside the city, away from humanity and monsters, as close as possible to the Underdark. He settles in an abandoned small house for around 6 years, stealthing his way to Baldur's Gate for supplies from time to time, knowing how to avoid danger. He knew Cazador felt him, but was paying him no mind. And it was a blessing for the man. His abduction by the mindflayers happened precisely during one of his rare visits in the city. When he awoke in the pod, the tragedy of his past hit him like a truck; again stuck, no way out, subjected to some alien experiment, etc. The fear locks his mind into a complete amnesia of what happened to him, a lock so strong that even Astarion, after knowing the truth of Cazador's doing and recognizing the markings on Kirei as identical as Sebastian's, is unable to open up.

Kirei acts as if he's external to the whole deal, and is obsessed on helping his lover against Cazador unable to even remember the monster's face, or the woman's one who lured him to his death. He ignores - or immediately forgets after hearing them - the cruel words of his master until the end. The only reaction taken out of him arrives during an exploration of the mansion's sewers; there Kirei suffers from a major manic attack, unable to stop laughing, crying and screaming to not let him crawl again until Gale puts him to sleep via magic. Once out, the man seems back to himself and yet again back to his state of ignorant bliss towards his past, deluding himself he had suffered through a fever after the difficult fight against Cazador. The group decides to never try to bring up the matter again, and Astarion - using the worm to search into that broken mind to acknowledge his suspicions - makes sure to take care of Kirei as much as Kirei takes care of him, for eternity.

[romanarose]

Hello hello! Seattle anon again :)

So reading your reply was so exciting! Getting more insight as to how + why you wrote Marc and Rebecca the way you did was super interesting!! Also I totally agree - while Rebecca is clearly a very strong person, she is human and had a very tough life which would make anyone vulnerable to abuse! Thank you so much for the recommendations too, I think I'm gonna start with Leather and Lace but honestly I'm excited for your whole masterlist 😊😊

Also just want to say I read your little update about how you've been doing and I want to say that I am so sorry you've been going through a tough time and wish you the absolute best. Like you said it takes time to feel better but I am so glad that you're here and hope you have more good days 💜 Also I am SO impressed by how you are doing in your classes. The topics you are studying also seem very interesting!!

Now, I have read all your TF boys headcanons bc they are just SOOO good. I truly want to praise every word, but that seemed like it would make the ask way too long so I just licked some highlights:

Benny having struggled with bulimia bc of his athletic background was such a genius way to incorporate his characterisation and to write one of the most heartbrakingly realistic aspects of mental health struggles, which is that when it happens to someone you love it can feel so different from how it feels when it's haopening to you. Like SO so often when we hear negative self-talk from friends it is to say "that's not true" but when we look at ourselves the negative things we think feel like it's just the truth. The way Benny was basically doing the same thing but with bulimia (it's "justified" when he does it but he can't figure out for the life of him why his partner, whom he thinks if so highly, would do such a thing) was such a well thought-out detail.

Will being extra excited about the pie in the acts of service love language headcanon? ADORABLE

Having to frame taking care of Will as asking for a favour? Yeeeeeeeeeaaah

Hope you have a nice day :)

Hello again!!!! so happy to hear from you!

As far as life update, im getting through it. I saw a childhood friend the other day which was nice. She and I have known each other for like 16 years and despite each of of moving around we've managed to see each other like once a year or more. This year we've about an hour and a half apart but she went to visit her mom and we met up for coffee with her new baby so that was nice. I told her I wasnt myself and didnth think i'd be good company, but she said she wanted to see my if i was up for it, weather or not i'd be "fun." She also brought me a lil care packege and I got to hold her two month old baby <3

Hoping to make it to shabbat tomorrow which i think will be nice, haven't been able to go since Rosh Hashanah

Every kind of person can fall victim to abuse, and I appreciate Marc's defense of her and caretaking but still trying to allow her her dignity. Like in chapter 3 at the end, Steven meeting Becca he was trying to hard to make her feel welcomed, take away her worries like paying for things but that's not what Rebecca wants. She wants to be indipendant and relying on Marc is embaressing to her.

You mentioned before that you wanted to check out leather and lace, and 0 pressure but the fun thing with that is it's a whole universe, so if you choose to keep going, after that is Frankie's story, and im currently working on Will's, then Benny's. It'll be touched on in Will's story but come up more in Benny's, his struggle with bulimia. I think about these boys a lot and have a lot of hc's that are canon to me, like benny having a drinking problem and eating disorder, Frankie loving grunge, Sant always has an older sister to me and the Miller boy's dad was abusive.

Im glad you seem to love will like I do. he's my baby

[necros-writing-stuff]

Could we get Wesker, no comfort just pain?? the most hardcore sexual content you could write for him pls🙇‍♀️ with an afab reader if possible.

I've been wanting to do some Wesker. Yeah, I sure can, nonnie.

Setting it around the time of the STARS office, pre-games.

NSFW below (noncon, abuse of trust, kidnapping, bdsm, Wesker has a breeding kink).

Captain Wesker had been good for the team. That's what you think, honestly. Even if he was a bit distant, not joining in meals or after-hours drinks. He was still dedicated and on top of his work like noone else. It was truly impressive.

That's why you've always looked up to him so much. His work ethic and ability to get shit done was admirable. So was his intelligence. He was a great mentor if you ever decided to go for the position of captain one day.

That's why being called into his office terrifies you. You've done nothing wrong, that you know of. But nothing good enough to deserve praise. It's been a slow month, with little leads for everyone. So what, exactly, did he want?

Closing the door behind you when you follow him in, you gulp and stand with your back straight. If you're being told off, you can handle it with dignity.

"Forgive me for such short notice," he begins as he sits, motioning for you to do the same in the chair opposite. Following his lead, you park your ass and draw your eyebrows together in curiosity.

"There's a convention on new investigative techniques this weekend the next city over. I've been invited, but I'm allowed a plus one. As one of the best on my team, I'd like to extend the invitation to you."

It takes a second for it all to sink in. The praise he just gave you, the chance to get to know your elusive boss more, a fucking holiday - however brief. Yeah, that's sounds like a good thing to do.

"Of course! I have no plans, and I've got some spare cash lying around. I'd love to go!" You cringe internally a little at how eager that sounded. Maybe you should tone it down before he mistakes your respect for him as some sort of puppy love. No, you merely see him as a great mentor, and nothing more.

"Excellent. I'll email you the details shortly, do let me know if your plans change before Friday." He quickly gets back to work, effectively dismissing you, but you're buzzing with excitement as you return to your desk. Your skills and hard work are being recognised. That's more than you can ask for.

-

Friday came without a hitch. No more plans came up that warranted cancelling your trip. No leads came in that made you tempted to stay behind and work on breaking a case. Just a regular, boring weekend. Or, it would be, if you weren't going away.

Yes, it's only to the next city over, but it's still nice to get out and experience new things. You've never been, so you can do some sight-seeing in your downtime. Go to a restaurant, see what stores they have. Maybe crack through your captain's hard shell.

It began with you getting a taxi over to Wesker's place. It was a nice, if modest, place when you pulled up. Guy obviously had some money. Grabbing your suitcase from the trunk, you pay the driver and make your way to the door. A couple of seconds after you knock, Wesker opens the door, stepping aside to let you in.

"You're early, he begins as he leads you into his living room. Fancy art you don't get is all over the place. There are book cases that show off well-worn spines indicating he does, in fact, read them. The furniture is thought out to match the colour scheme. It's rather pleasant, especially for a bachelor-pad.

"I hope being early isn't an issue?" You smile apologetically, but he just shakes his head and motions towards the living room.

"No, not at all. I'm almost done with my packing. Can I offer you anything to drink while you wait?"

For some reason, it's only now that you notice that his sunglasses are off. Blue. His eyes are blue. Huh. You'd have never known.

"If you don't mind, that would be lovely. What do you have?" You blink a few times, trying to disguise your blatant staring. He likely knows, anyways. Captain Wesker is observant like that.

And obviously, he has to smile at you in that way that just screams he knows what you were doing. "I have coffee and a few teas. Take your pick."

After Wesker lists off the tea he has, you choose what you'd like and find yourself looking around from your spot on the couch as he goes off to make it. A closed laptop is on the coffee table. A few case-files near it (which aren't meant to be brought home, but you're sure he kept them safe). He has coasters so that there's no coffee stains. No personal photos. None at all. Not even one of him graduating. How strange.

Before you can get up and look at the art on the walls more closely, Wesker comes back with two cups, handing yours to you before he sits in an armchair that has obviously been used heavily, judging by the butt-shaped dent in the cushion. His favourite spot, then.

"I thought we weren't meant to bring these home," you nod towards the files while blowing gently over the warm drink to cool it down.

"We're not, but I can't seem to stop working even when I'm meant to be sleeping. Besides, it's only a copy. The proper files are still at the office. I'd never risk losing anything." He takes a gulp of his tea, relaxing into his chair. It's the most at-ease you've ever seen him.

Now that you look closer, you can see the slight bags under his eyes. Maybe he wears the glasses to cover them? So people don't know he's exhausted?

"I'd be lying if I said I never brought something home," you give him a tight-lipped smile, hoping that he understands that you weren't judging him. Just trying to make conversation. Your drink is delicious when you actually have a sip. Sweet, like he put some flavouring in it.

"We never really switch off, do we? Even the time we get off revolves around work." There's no malice in his voice. No regret. Just him simply stating what it's like.

"I chose this job for a reason. I'll take all of the late nights if it means I get to help." And you mean that. It's not just something to butter him up and make him like you more.

He puts down his cup, already empty. He'd been swallowing it all rather quickly. "I know. That dedication is why you're one of my best. Now, enjoy yourself. Read any of the books you'd like while I finish up."

Once more you're left alone, Wesker disappearing up the stairs and leaving you feeling light from the praise. Another sip of your drink. Then you're surveying his bookshelves. A lot of classics, some academic books. Things people brag about having read, except Wesker hasn't bragged in front of you yet. No, he lets his intelligence speak for itself. An admirable quality.

You settle on a Shakespeare. Reading it in school had been the worst, but now that you're not being forced to write essays on it, maybe you'll feel better. Maybe you'll pick up on the supposed dick jokes he snuck in there.

Over the next half an hour, you find yourself settling quite nicely into Wesker's couch. Sinking into the soft cushions, you're unsure how much time passes between you finishing your drink and when your vision starts to blur.

You try to ignore it at first, shaking your head to clear it. Then stretching your muscles, before they start feeling heavy and sluggish themselves. Panic rises in your chest, the realisation that you might have been drugged kicking in. You can't call out, can only groan, your tongue feeling fat in your mouth. Did Wesker do this? Did your captain drug you? Why? Why would he do that?

You'd ended up horizontal at some point, face first on the floor. Had you tried to leave? You can't remember. Everything feels burry now, not just your vision. The last thing you make out before falling fully unconscious is the image of someone stepping close, uttering words that are impossible to decipher in the moment. Then, nothing. Just sweet, sweet nothing.

-

You don't see a thing when you wake up. Can't talk properly, either. There's something over your eyes, something stuffed in your mouth. A gag of some sort, one of those ball ones you think. And, of course, you're bound by your arms and legs.

Your muscles all feel frozen, your brain working with a million thoughts per second. Should you try to move? Should you scream? Are you being watched right now?

The choice is taken from you when a hand lands on your shin, causing you to jolt and whimper.

"Good evening. I thought you'd end up sleeping through the night at this rate." Wesker. And he sounds awfully pleased with himself.

That hand of his trails higher, his steps getting louder as he walks up the side of the bed till he's gently brushing over your naked hip. He took your clothes off. You're naked, bound and helpless, and you don't even know what you did to make him - or anyone - want to do this to you.

Tears begin to well in your eyes behind the blindfold as your body shakes in fear. Why? What had you done? Had you pissed him off? Had you neglected a detail and someone had gotten away? Is there any point trying to find a reason, or is he just a sick fuck that has been pretending to be one of the good guys?

All of your judgement comes into question now. Had there been warning signs? What had you missed? Why?

"Shhhh, shh, you're okay," he coos, his hand trailing over your pubic bone. Trying to close your legs doesn't work, since there's apparently a spreader bar down there. Then he's touching you, long fingers running up and down your folds as you sob and buck your hips to get away.

Using his free hand, Wesker pins your hips and continues his exploration, dipping a finger in to the first knuckle before pulling out to circle your clit again. "You need to calm down. I'm doing this to be kind. Keep struggling and I'll fuck you dry."

To be kind? He's trying to be kind whilst violating you? The kindest thing to do would be to let you go and turn himself in. Not that you can do anything more than think that in your current state.

One of his fingers dives in, quickly being joined by another, and you squeal out at the unexpected intrusion. "So warm. And tight, too. I should have expected my favourite to be so nicely formed. I have excellent taste.

His praise makes your stomach clench the opposite way it had this morning. You don't want to be his favourite, not anymore. You want to run far, far away from the blond asshole and to forget that you ever looked up to him in the first place.

Wishing for disassociation, all you get is your muscles tensing when his curious digits find that one nice spot inside. And the bastard focuses on it, rubbing back and forth till you're bucking for a different reason.

"So needy. It's fine, I'll give you what you want. You've been good."

You want to spit at him. To kick, claw and bite at how entitled he thinks he is to your body. At how stupidly easy it has been for him to get you close to your peak with his hand alone. The blindfold has gotten wet, your moans a cross between the pleasure and pained sobbing.

As you clench down on his fingers, Wesker fucks you faster with them, and a muffled keen leaves your lips as you climax, his ministrations filling whatever room he has you in with lewd squelching that makes you feel flushed. You're wet. You're wet and cumming for your rapist. It's enough to make you want to curl up into a ball and die.

"Good, good. See, not that hard? Now, I'm going to undo your legs and take the blindfold off. Keep being good." Weskers voice travels with him as he moves around the bed to undo your bindings. You could kick him as soon as he gets you out. You could, but you won't. You need to bide your time, get him to at least un-gag you so you can scream for help and hope the neighbours hear.

Willing yourself to stay limp, you don't react when he crawls onto the bed, settling between your free legs. Nor do you do more than blink when the blindfold comes off, but you still avoid his gaze, looking at his naked chest instead. He's completely newd. And he's hard.

Swallowing, you finally look into his eyes with your best pleading stare. Those blue eyes. The ones staring back at you with a striking coldness.

"Sorrow looks good on you, my dear. Maybe I should make you cry more."

You shake your head, not wanting to be hurt, and Wesker chuckles. "Fine. Not today, then. Later, though. I'm curious as to what your ass will look like after I've caned it. We've got the whole weekend, before anyone even realises you're gone, don't we?"

There was no convention. There was no holiday. It was all a complete lie to get you here. He was going to drive, he'd said. You should come to his place early and he'll take you. He'd seemed so genuine when he'd said it.

Wesker moving tears you from your thoughts, especially when something presses against your cunt. He holds one of your thighs, propping it up to reveal your slick core more and make it easier to rape you. You can't help it. The panic takes over, and before you can logically decide what to do, you kick out towards his face.

As if he was waiting for it, Wesker shifts his head to the side enough that you miss him completely. Then he just tuts, and sinks into your weeping pussy to the hilt. "Brat. At least your cunt is as lovely as I'd hoped. Still, I can't let that slide."

There's no way you can apologise for your reaction, only enough time to squeeze your eyes closed as the back of his hand collides with your cheek with a resounding smack. It stings, your cheek and your core. One from the hit, the other from being stretched on a thick cock even after the preparation he gave you.

There's no time to adjust after that. Not as Wesker picks you up by the hips and angles himself in deep. His hair falls out of place as he starts thrusting, his eyes closing and head falling back in satisfaction. As if he's having the time of his life while you're eyes fill with tears again.

His prick feels as good as his fingers did, if not more so. It hits against your cervix with every hump, it drags over those sweet-spots that make you see stars. Nothing is left untouched with how Wesker batters your silky insides, lowly growling out with every other drag.

Still, your mind refuses to leave your body. You can't try to imagine it's someone else in his stead, you can't try to think about something comforting that will calm you down enough to think of a plan. There's no getting away from the here and now; no ignoring the return of that tightening knot in your stomach.

"I should get you pregnant," the blond mutters, "We'd make wonderful children together."

It's unlear whether he means it or not, or if he's just lost in his pleasure and saying whatever feels right. Judging by there being no condoms involved, and Wesker not asking whether or not you're on birth control, you're leaning towards the former. And that's something you'd like to avoid.

Whining to get his attention, you shake your head when he opens his eyes and he raises an eyebrow in response. "No? Why ever not. You should feel honoured to even be under me right now."

There it is. The sense if grandiose that you missed this entire time you've known him. You'd always thought that he was just a man who enjoyed the classics. Someone with refined, taste and reserved manners. It was understandable why he'd get annoyed with Chris. Now, it's obvious that that's only a carefully constructed image.

No, you don't feel honoured. You feel betrayed. And unfortunately, close to cumming on his cock.

If he knows, he doesn't care. Not as he pins your legs to your chest and starts hammering away at your clenching pussy like he's desperate to finish.

Without the gag, you'd have been screaming. It's all too much, too deep inside and faster than anyone else has gone with you. Tingles start to build under your skin, along with a flushing heat. It's the feeling of Wesker sucking one of your nipples into his mouth and flicking the bud with his tongue that finishes you off, your legs going stiff as your abdominal muscles tense and release rapidly.

Before you can be fucked into oversensitivity, Wesker grunts, leaving your nipple to find your neck. He buries his face against it, groaning as he pumps a last few times, hard enough to have you near-screaming again as you kick at his back. You're trying to tell him to stop - to pull out. He doesn't listen.

He cums so much his hot seed oozes from your hole, even with his dick still plugging it up. And he doesn't move for a while after he's done, just stays on top of you, crushing you under his toned body and keeping his cock warm inside.

Eventually, the blond pulls back, sitting up and letting your aching legs flop.

"Now," he starts between haggard breaths, "If only you hadn't started kicking again. I would have taken your gag off. Instead," he pulls out of your, letting more of his seed spill from your body and onto the sheets. There's a dresser to the side, and he picks something up before turning back to you. "Instead, it's time for your punishment."

It's a candle and a lighter.

"I'll break you before tomorrow. You'll see."

[tomodachi-z]

A different take on their relationships

So I was scrolling through the genshin thread and soon came to a realization that most of the relationship Hc’s were pretty fluff based, which got me thinking - was that really all there was?  Even if Genshin was a heartfelt game i couldnt really believe that all of them would be pure husband material - which sort of spiraled into this.

- This is purely my take on how some of the Genshin boys would approach relationships, its just some random thoughts though so take it as you will.

Characters: Zhongli, Diluc, Kaeya, Childe

Tw: angst, abuse, toxic relationships, mentions of death, just overall scummy behavior.

Slight NSFW

Minors DNI

Zhongli

Honestly, out of the whole lot of them i think he’d be the most civil. Apart from his bad traits that is.

First of all I dont believe Zhongli would actively pursue a relationship, however he would be open to it, though the chances of it being a special “love at first sight” is practically zero. Hes lived thousands of years and seen humanity evolve as a whole, hes met millions of people over the years and peoples faces really arent that different, they just blur together at this point. So if we were to go by that logic, his love interest would have to be someone he interacts with on a day to day basis - or at the very least weekly.

If he was starting to develop an attachment to you, I believe he would also be fairly upfront about it, asking you out and courting you wouldn't be anything new, he’s had lovers before after all.

But this is where it starts to get a bit off-putting. Even if your relationship is sailing along fine, he’d still compare it to the others he’s had. Your taste in clothing, your choice of books, how you style your hair. Every now and again he’d utter something like “Ah ___ used to style their hair like that.” Or “Your eyes are so familiar, just like ___...” in which case the blank space is a previous lovers name. Not that he’d divulge that to you. Even if you ask him about the people he keeps mentioning he’d brush you off and change the subject. Though sometimes he forgets himself and calls you by a different name.

He would also never tell you he’s a God. And you wouldn’t find out either.

 Hes hidden it from the whole of Liyue, why would you be any different? His role as Archon was over anyway so there would be no point to it.

So you would live your life never finding out about him, not ever truly reaching his heart, because his heart is already filled to the brim with memories, and whatever little space you occupy there would also fade along with your passing. You would have no children, for I truly believe that Zhongli just would not want children, his one and only child would remain Liyue, and your name would be uttered in passing, when he confuses his next lover with you.

Happy Ending?

Zhongli would still love you

He would cherish and comfort you

But there was nothing in this world more lonely than immortality.

He would love again but it would only repeat the cycle unless he truly comes to terms with himself.

It would take a lot of time, perhaps even an eternity, but I believe that his past relationships would actually help him realize something.

That even though humans were much the same he loved you all individually.

At the end of time he would recount each one of your names, in the hopes that you would take him with you, so that he could finally apologize.

Diluc

I honestly believe he just does not want a relationship. Not now anyway, not when hes 20+ years old. So the thought of him forming a crrush on you or any sort of real romantic attachment would also be pretty slim. He’d be your friend, sure, your best friend even, but when it comes to being your boyfriend? It wouldn’t be what you think it is.

If he does form a relationship with you its because you confessed, and you asked him whether or not he was willing to give it a go, and considering you already know each other so well he didn't really see a reason why not. Though it wasn't out of love that he’d agree.

I do believe that he’d still be a gentleman, he would send you flowers, and he would take you on walks, he would also give you gifts, but all of those were just out of courtesy. He was taught to behave like a gentleman, and so he would.

He would never be available, always working, always busy, never in a good mood. “Don't bother me, I'm busy.” He’d coldly order. And if you tried to do something nice to him like cook him a meal whilst he’s working he’d just tell you not to bother, the butler can make it better than you so why even try.

You would be a hitch in his schedule, an added task every day, another time consuming detail he had to take into consideration. But considering he was the one who agreed to the whole idea, he would simply have to deal with it.

As for intimacy, it would be rare. He’d kiss you just because he was curious how it would feel, he’d fuck you just because you asked him to, and sure he might have enjoyed it, you even said you enjoyed it, but it wouldn't become a regular thing between you two. He would come home exhausted, sore and half asleep, so on most days you can expect him to share simple words of greeting before he falls asleep.

If you got tired of it he would just let you go, both of you could see it wasn't working, so why bother try to fix it. You deserve better than him, a man that would love and cherish you, but right now, he simply cannot.

Those are your parting words, he wishes you luck and thanks you for your patience, whether or not you remain friends after that is really up to you.

Happy Ending?

What Diluc needs more than anyone else is time

Time to really heal

Time to forgive himself

Time to start loving the world again.

And I believe he would learn to do those things if time was given.

He would one day realize that his heart yearned for something other than day to day work, something that you tried to show him long ago.

He would fall in love eventually, perhaps not with you, but he would finally open his heart.

He would love earnestly and faithfully till the end of his days.

Kaeya

He’s well known as a flirt in Mondstat, he’s slept with people around town and chances are that’s how he first met you. Whether you slept with him or rejected him didn’t matter, what he was after was your looks after all.

He’d seduce you with praise and compliments, he’d lavish you with gifts and roses, as long as you give him something in return that is.

If you didn’t it wouldn’t really bother him much, he’d simply abandon the thought of you and turn his eyes on another pretty face, if you ever ask him about why he suddenly stopped he’d respond with “I don’t like wasting my time sweetheart.”

However if you give in to his seductions I believe he would eventually start enveloping the idea about being your boyfriend, the idea of you being his and him being yours was tempting for sure. It would take a while but he would also stop flirting so shamelessly with other people, he no longer saw a reason for it now that you were his after all.

But he would never truly yield his heart to you, always keeping secrets, always masking his emotions with sly words. I don’t think he’d ever really open up about his past or about the depths of his mind. But he would love you, and he would protect you, he would cherish you the only way he knew how, by keeping you in the dark, lest you regret your decision in loving him.

Happy ending?

His habits would change as he grows older

They would truly shift when he sees his first child in your arms.

He would cry, not even knowing why

He would fall so helplessly in love with the thought of a happy future and he would be terrified by it

But if you stay by his side, if you make him believe he can have a happy life and a future with you

He would give you the world, if only you make him believe those words.

Childe

Honestly the worst out of all of them.

Now, I firmly believe that he also would not pursue a romantic relationship if given a choice, but his heart is fickle and easily swayed by his own emotions, so when he sees you pop up every now and again he’d undoubtedly would act on his feelings.

He’d charm you, wine and dine you and treat you like a princess if you so wished. He would make sure you had everything you had ever wanted, he’d make promises of love and marriage, but after he gets what he wants, he would leave you.

Just like that, without a word, without a note, nothing. So when you see him after months of confusion, guilt and regret you would ask him why he had left, and all he would say is “What else did you expect?” He’s a Fatui after all, and he has no time for thoughts of tomorrow or promises for the future. His eyes would hold no warmth as he noted that the interaction was rather fair in his eyes, he had treated you like a princess after all.

He has no time to think of anyone else but his family and his duty to Tsaritsa, you were just a toy he liked playing with for a while till you got boring, now move before he breaks you.

Happy Ending?

Now I truly believe that there is someone out there for everyone

Even for someone like Childe

But that someone would have to be exceptional - someone with a commanding sense of self respect, someone with purpose and belief, someone with a fate of their own.

They wouldn't have to be a fighter or even an adventurer, but they would have to be a force of their own to be able to show Childe what kind of life he was truly living.

He knew he was in hell, but meeting someone like that would make it all the more apparent

But if they reached out their hand to him, if they gave him a chance.

He believed he would see a world in colors he never knew existed.

And he would love truly and openly, he would shed his heart to them and only them.

[memes-saved-me]

Our brain is an intricate organ and "machine" that causes conflicting emotions, thoughts, and opinions. It is far too complex to reduce to simple properties. Your last Anon had the courage to admit that he had racist thoughts caused by his environment, but he recognized them and is now working on them. There are countless others in this position who absolutely deserve the opportunity to change and improve. It's scary how much the environment/family is ignored and thus haters simply classify Billy as "racist and evil". I studied psychology and understanding problematic people is of upmost importance in this world. I myself was brought up with racist values. I am of Indian origin but born and raised in a small European country. Those of my own country of origin were the ones who judged me in a racist way. I was too dark, for in the eyes of the "upper class" lighter skin is to be praised. Ever since I was little, my familymembers and circle of friends always made comments to my parents or to me about my skin color being too dark. Contradictory, I've developed a hatred for white people over the course of my childhood and adolescence. Of course, it should be noted that not all Indians are like that, I am referring specifically to my family and circle of friends. I will omit boring long details, but after long self-analysis, help from psychologists and self-study, I finally found inner peace and saw the error of my ways. Hatred towards white skinned people or my co-nationals won't make me happy. It only made me angry. I don't hide the fact that I've cut people out of my life because of my false hatred. Life isn't as easy to classify as good or bad as the online haters want to make it out to be. People have wrong beliefs, opinions, ways of life, sometimes intentionally, sometimes unintentionally. It is important that you are willing to change. I'm sorry if I've written so much, but your recent conversations with anons have inspired me. I don't normally want to reveal my story like that, so I still prefer to remain anonymous, but I think it's an important topic. What these haters are doing right now with their false moralism is harmful. I hope that one day they will also recognize the mistakes in their behavior and learn from their mistakes. Hopefully someday they'll look back on their online hating days and try be better and not be so quick to judge. Have a wonderful day, keep up the amazing work. I love your blog <3

I'm glad you felt comfortable enough to share this with me and staying on anon is more than welcome! I won't add anything to your story because it deserves to stand on its own and should be read as it is but I do want to continue off what you said about antis realising their behaviour isn't alright.

We've all been idiot teenagers on the Internet and done or said things we now don't believe. I used to have arguments with people I would now agree with, strangers who I'll never meet or speak to again but in the moment it feels so important to get your point across instead of walking away.

Thing is, I never harassed people or sent death threats and this new mindset of "its just on the Internet" is such bullshit. Have they stopped showing anti cyber bullying things in school because we had that shoved down our throats from a young age along with online safety and privacy but that's a whole different topic I'll go into another time.

The Internet is treat like it doesn't have irl consequences but it damn well does. More so than ever. Yet, people are attacking actors, fans, writers and all sorts over fictional people who don't exist at all. I can't imagine not understanding that telling someone to kys or going after their appearance or personality has impact and can affect someone deeply. People accuse Billy of being a bully but antis are far worse than he ever was to the point they target real abuse victims for relating to a fictional one.

Liking a fictional character does not reflect your views or opinions. Its s fucking character in a TV show. I could rant all day but I'll stop and say that humans are complicated, complex and very very stupid at times but we change and grow and develop as people as we age and experience new things. Everyone deserves a chance to do so.

Thank you! I really appreciate being a vessel for this!

[repo-net]

HOLY SHIT

I'm still trying to find the right words to type down as I just finished this, and what I'm going to put here probably won't be enough to express just how much this entire post means to me. To start, seriously, thank you for tagging me on the post, it was a pleasure to work with you again and I'm always happy to do so, hoping we can collab some more in the future.

I don't usually talk about why Nagisa is such a favorite of mine; but I think this entire comic sort of sums it up for me. He's an overworked, exhausted, and flawed kid who can't handle rejection and failure because of the way he was raised and how attached he gets to any sort of light that might lift him up and give him the praise he's so hungry for. My parents are the sweetest in the world; so thankfully, I never had to deal with this kind of abuse, at least not from them. A lot of my struggles were a byproduct of them loving me so much that just the thought of disappointing them made me feel like the lowest person on Earth.

This shouldn't be a post about myself; but I did at least want to take a moment to just express one of the reasons why I like Nagisa the way I do, he's just the product of a child broken by the people he was supposed to trust, and yet despite all of it; he keeps going, he does what he does best - and works his ass off to prove to himself and the people around him that he's actually worth loving.

Enough with that though, about time I got to the art itself because there's just so much amazing things of note here for me to point out. The gray background that dominates the majority of the slides, that even continues all the way up to the latest ones where he's in the moment just after killing his parents, it's his thoughts being clouded with all the memories of the abuse he took and how he convinces himself that this needed to be done, no matter how shaky his heart is. Just... him still saying 'I'm sorry' despite everything he's been put through by these two failures for parents sums it up, really.

The internal dialogue is exquisitely written and paced out wonderfully. One aspect about writing flashbacks that's important is making sure that everything is in order, so that it leads up to the big reveal either in the climax of their backstory or the huge moment in the present times; making sure that all of it gets built up so the important scene punches you in the gut is key. The journey is just as important as the destination, and I can definitely say that this was a beautifully done bumpy and rocky ride considering everything Nagisa had to endure.

There's of course, the drawings themselves. I'd just like to say that I appreciate how you designed Nagisa's parents (or at least their silhouettes), they look real good and I can tell easily that the child in the middle is their kid. One creative choice that I especially applaud is the way you emphasized a lot of the more key items, realizations, and figures in Nagisa's life by marking them in pink rather than in white, that's great usage of colors right there, helping the art stick out more while helping in defining the things Nagisa himself most remembered.

This post has already been going on for a while, and I've said quite a lot already, but I'll just add on to say that the minor detail in the last slide where all the Warriors of Hope are looking at Nagisa with a face of worry and concern, while Monaca just stares blankly and indifferently to the scene before her is a great touch and adds to the storytelling aspect of the entire comic.

I probably don't even have to say it at this point because it's likely obvious with the sheer amount that I wrote; but this is one of, and likely my all-time favorite artwork centering around Nagisa by any artist ever. Everything just hit the right buttons for me; apart from being pretty to look at, being able to weave a world and story that I value a lot, being a writer myself. It's fantastic. Can't ask for anything more. The work here is nothing short of above all my expectations, Wyndi.

Here's something I've been working for quite a while now - a Nagisa-centric comic! It's quite a bit darker than my usual content, so I can only hope I was able to do it justice. The style is a bit experimental in places as well, hope it's not too bad.

Massive thanks to @repo-net for helping brainstorm ideas together, and for proofreading my writing! Couldn't have done this without you man. (There miiiiight even be more of these coming in the future, who knows 👀)

It's a little long, so comic below the cut!

[justpottytime]

OK, I'm finally gonna do it! I'm using @omowritingprompts omo questionnaire - I'm sorry I can't link the actual post, I don't know how on mobile, but you'll find it on their blog! I'm answering the questions for my OC Kyder - she's a D&D high elf, and a guard captain working in a castle, so her time period is very much 'medieval but with magic', and a few things have been handwaved for convenience!

TW for several mentions of trauma and abuse!

.

general / casual (regular everyday peeing behavior lol)

1. What’s their preferred place to pee? (bathroom, outside, container…etc.)

Wherever it would generally be considered 'socially acceptable', so most of the time for her, that would be a toilet or a chamber pot.

2. Do they prefer to pee standing up or sitting / squatting? At home or in public?

Sitting if possible, but if she has to do it outside, she hates the vulnerability of having to squat down - though as she's AFAB, she always assumed she had to. Her friend is currently trying to teach her how to pee standing up while they're outside, and while she's not very good at it yet, she definitely prefers it.

3. Can they aim well (or at all)? Which hand do they use? Both? None? 

She hasn't gotten that far yet in learning to go while standing up, so she usually ends up with a bit of a mess down her legs, which she definitely doesn't like. It's a work in progress!

4. Are they vocal or quiet? Do they get chatty if there are people around?

She's VERY quiet apart from the occasional sigh if she was holding a lot. If there are other people around then depending on who they are, forget chatty, she's not likely to be able to pee at all!

5. Do they have any unusual bathroom habits? (whistling, leaning against the wall, pants all the way down when standing, looking at memes on their phone, etc.)

She can get pee-shy when she's feeling anxious over something, and when that happens, she often needs to stim to make herself relax. She mostly does this by fidgeting with the hem of her clothes, either rubbing the material between her thumb and finger, or gently twisting and pulling at it. The repetitive motion of her hands gives her brain something else to focus on, and it will often prompt her muscles to relax because she isn't thinking about what she's trying to do anymore.

6. Do they take their time or do they try to get done as quickly as possible?

She always tries to be as quick as possible, especially while she's working, because she doesn't want anyone to come looking for her and find out where she was.

7. Are they pee-shy? Do they get embarrassed? If yes, in what situation and by what? (the sight? the noise? people knowing they have bodily functions?) In front of whom?

As mentioned above, she's definitely pee-shy, caused by traumatic memories from her childhood (I'll give more detail later in the questionnaire) and it's now very tightly tied to her anxiety. She HATES people knowing she has bodily functions and will constantly try to hide it, to the point that the people she's closest with often have to work with her on getting her to tell them when she needs to go, to prevent accidents or waiting longer than necessary. If she has to pee with someone else around, she can only do it if it's someone she feels safe with, and she still often gets embarrassed by the noise. Her partner often counteracted this by mumbling a lot of praise and sweet nothings whenever he had to help her, which both covered the sound and soothed a lot of her anxiety.

8. Do they prefer to go in groups or do they want to be alone / need privacy.

Around people she doesn't know or trust, she'd much rather be completely alone. Around someone that she trusts and feels safe with, she might actively ask them to stay with her and help, depending on how bad her anxiety is or what position she's in - she still needs help to balance if she's trying to pee standing up.

9. If they use the men’s room, stall or urinal? Do they stick to the unwritten bathroom etiquette? (no talking, no looking over, leaving a urinal gap, etc.)

Not applicable, she's cis AFAB and the bathrooms aren't separated by gender during this time period anyway. She only pees standing up when she's doing it outside.

10. Do they refuse to use certain bathrooms? (too dirty, too crowded, wrong type of toilets?)

She'll sometimes try to hold it if there are too many people around/near the bathroom and she doesn't think she'll be able to make herself relax. She tries not to appear bothered if the toilet is too dirty out of a fear of seeming stuck-up, but it bothers her more than she'll admit.

11. Have they ever peed in the pool (except as a baby)? On purpose or not?

No, though she doesn't get much chance to go swimming considering where she is, but she would never do it on purpose and do her best to avoid an accident.

12. Do they pee in the shower / bath and would they admit it if someone asked?

Again, she would try very hard not to do that, mostly just because she knows you're not 'supposed' to go there. If she somehow did end up peeing in the bath/shower and someone asked her about it though, she would deny it completely - not that she's a very good liar...

13. Have they ever locked someone out of a bathroom / kept them from going?

Not intentionally, but there's certainly been times where she was struggling to relax enough to let go, and it kept someone waiting uncomfortably.

14. Have they ever peed in the opposite gender bathroom? (if applicable) 

Again, bathrooms usually aren't separated by gender during this time period, most of the time it's just a single room. If they were though, she would utterly refuse to use the opposite gender's bathroom, and the suggestion would probably make her pretty anxious. The main reason for this is due to her being autistic, which obviously can't be diagnosed in her time period, and she was frequently scolded throughout her life for being unaware of unspoken social rules and inevitably breaking them by accident. As such, the idea of breaking the few social rules she DOES know would terrify her, as she still expects punishment for it.

15. Are they okay with or used to peeing outside? Do they do it often?

She doesn't exactly like it, but it's a necessity with her work. She usually needs a bit of help though, either with reassurance or to balance if she's trying to pee standing up. If she has to do it on her own, particularly around others, she'll often get rather upset.

.

desperation / wetting (yk, the actual omo stuff)

16. How do they say “I have to pee”? Are they blunt? Do they use weird euphemisms? Do they get offended if someone uses certain terms around them?

She HATES having to say it, and will usually avoid it at all costs. It's normally easier to have someone just ask if she has to go, as embarrassing as that always is, but obviously she can't always rely on that. If she's with someone she trusts, she'll often have some kind of code word or phrase that they'll know means it's time to find a bathroom if possible, but no-one else will know the meaning of. It makes her feel slightly safer, just about enough to get the words out.

17. What are some “tells” that they have to go? Who can tell first if they don’t speak up?

She tends to fidget and squirm and look rather nervous, and she'll often seem distracted. Usually only her partner or closest friends know what her squirming looks like, and can often tell before it becomes obvious pee-squirming (if only because they've learned to pay attention and look for it).

18. If someone asks if they have to go and they do, do they admit or deny it? Do they play it down as much as they can or do they exaggerate on purpose?

If it's someone she's comfortable around and willing to accept help from, she'll usually admit it and try to be honest about how bad it is, if only to avoid an accident. The exception to this is if she knows she won't be able to go anytime soon, in which case she might deny it so as not to stress out whoever asked - she feels guilty enough about needing help like this, she doesn't want to make them panic if there's nothing that either of them can do about it.

19. How do they act when they’re desperate? Do they get angry? Do they squirm a lot or do they freeze up? Do they get quieter or do they talk more than usual?

As mentioned above, she gets squirmy, quiet and distracted, and it often makes her nervousness worse.

20. How do they act when someone else is desperate in their vicinity? Do they try to help them? Are they successful or do they accidentally make it worse?

Surprisingly, she's better at dealing with this with other people than with herself. She'll do her best to help and keep them both calm, and try to find them somewhere to go. While she won't suggest anything that might be 'inappropriate' to go in, she also won't stop the desperate person if they suggest it - unless there will be immediate negative consequences, like someone scolding them or the sound giving away where they are.

21. How do they like to be treated when they have to go? Do they want comfort / encouragement / coddling? Are they okay with light-hearted teasing or jokes?

Either ignore it if there's no chance of relief anytime soon, or occasional gentle encouragement if she just needs to hold it a bit longer - don't bring it up too much or she'll get embarrassed. Although, if the situation starts to get a bit dire, it might also be a good idea to quietly remind her that it won't be a disaster if she doesn't quite make it, and that she won't be in trouble...

22. The same as the three questions above but with accidents (bedwetting too).

1. How do they act when they have an accident/wet the bed? Do they get angry? Do they squirm a lot or do they freeze up? Do they get quieter or do they talk more than usual?

Accidents are SERIOUSLY bad for her because of her trauma, to the point that in extreme cases, they can cause dissociation and flashbacks to several VERY bad memories of her childhood. She'll usually freeze up and often start silently crying without noticing. If no-one intervenes, her fight-or-flight instincts will usually kick into overdrive and she'll try to hide until she can bring herself back to the present. Bedwetting is somewhat less severe, but she still ends up feeling pretty embarrassed and ashamed, especially if it happened around someone else.

2. How do they act when someone else has an accident/wets the bed in their vicinity? Do they try to help them? Are they successful or do they accidentally make it worse?

Again, she actually finds it easier when it's someone else going through this instead of her. She has a tendency to mother people slightly, so she'll usually try her best to console them and find them clean clothes, or at least something to cover the wet patch, and she'll want to take charge of cleaning up if she can. How much this helps depends on how much fussing the person in question can take - if they just want to be left alone, this may be more irritating than anything else!

3. How do they like to be treated when they have an accident/wake up wet? Do they want comfort / encouragement / coddling? Are they okay with light-hearted teasing or jokes?

As mentioned above, accidents can cause a pretty severe negative reaction, so anyone with her will definitely need to help. If it happened in public, best to get her away from everyone as quick as possible, and try to bring her back to the present if she's stuck in her own head - you can usually tell if she flinches away from being touched. Once she's 'back', she'll still be pretty upset, but not quite as terrified. She'll never admit it aloud, but she usually wants a lot of comfort and reassurance, and won't fight it if someone wants to help her get cleaned up or fusses over her a little. Physical affection is something she particularly craves, and while she often can't get the words out, she may cuddle into the person helping her's side or hold her arms out for a hug, if she's relatively certain she won't be pushed away. Bedwetting isn't quite as bad, though naturally she'll still be very upset and embarrassed - usually she just wants a little reassurance that it can happen to anyone, and maybe a hand changing the bedsheets.

23. Do they get upset or embarrassed over an accident or do they shrug it off? 

As mentioned above, very VERY upset and embarrassed. It'll probably leave her shaken for a good few hours, if not the rest of the day.

24. What’s the last time they had a genuine full-on accident? How old were they?

She was in her 400s, it happened fairly recently - she was with a friend and they attended a fancy event together, as said friend needed to keep an eye out for trouble. She drank a lot of tea and was too scared to tell him that she had to go for fear of interrupting his work, and ended up having an accident at the worst moment...

25. Have they ever wet themself deliberately? Would they consider doing it?

It's always been an accident so far, and it will almost certainly stay that way. It would take a pretty extreme circumstance for her to even consider wetting deliberately - like, she'd have to be in significant pain and with absolutely no hope of relieving herself anytime soon, and it would take a LOT of coaxing and reassurance from someone she trusts.

26. Do they tend to wait too long or do they go when they feel the urge for the first time?

She almost always waits too long because she's too embarrassed to let anyone find out she has to go. This leads to her either being reluctant to tell whoever she's with that she needs a potty break, or she'll hold it for much too long while she's working so that no-one sees her slipping away to the bathroom.

27. Do they have a weak / small or strong / big bladder?

She has a pretty big bladder after so many years of holding, though it's not the strongest for that same reason - never letting the muscles rest will eventually weaken them...

28. What helps them cope when they have to go but can’t? What makes it worse?

Distractions help a lot - if she has something interesting enough to focus on, she can almost forget her need completely. Conversely, being reminded of peeing will make it a lot worse, especially people talking or joking about it.

29. Is there any type of drink (or food) that goes right through them?

Just standard diuretics, the same way they would go through anyone.

30. Do they wake up to pee at night or do they sleep through? Do they ever wake up desperate or in the middle of an accident? Do they have pee dreams?

Kyder is a D&D elf, and the lore books say elves actually don't sleep, they 'trance' for 4 hours a night, which is like a state of semi-conscious meditation, so this doesn't really apply here... She does wake up desperate most mornings though, and will try to relieve herself first thing after getting out of bed.

31. Do they ever pee in odd places / in public? What’s the weirdest place they’ve ever peed in? Were they drunk / on meds, sleepwalking, super desperate, etc.?

She tries not to, but it's certainly come to that a few times - not really in public though, thankfully. But she has ducked into one of the guest rooms around the castle she works in to use the chamber pot if she was too embarrassed or nervous to use one of the bathrooms, which she would consider weird. The weirdest place by far though was when she and a friend were out and had to use a public bathroom that was literally just two toilets side by side, no privacy... And they were both too desperate to wait for the other to go first. She managed to use it though, and her friend said he was proud of her so she considers it a win!

32. What’s the most desperate they’ve ever gotten past childhood and did they make it?

Oh goodness... So many scenarios for this! But probably the time she put it off a little too long during work one day and ended up having an accident in front of one of the other guards... It could have ended in disaster, but she was VERY lucky that it happened to be in front of the only guard she's actually close with, and he managed to calm her down, though he ended up finding out about her past from it...

.

medical / childhood stuff (feel free to skip this ofc)

33. At what age were they potty trained? Were they ever potty-trained? (lol, I hope)

I've never been entirely certain, but I'll say she was a little younger than 2 when the whole potty training process started - though she was absolutely not ready to be potty trained at the time and probably would have benefitted from slightly longer in diapers until she had a better grasp on her body, but her parents wanted her trained as soon as possible... The end result was that, although her potty training started when she was a little younger than 2, she couldn't actually reliably make it to the potty until she was about 3. It was... A long year for all involved...

34. Same question as above but with bedwetting. When did they stop? Do they have one-off accidents in specific situations? (alcohol, nightmares, deep sleep?)

Seeing as elves trance instead of sleep, this made bedwetting much more shameful, especially since it was a common occurrence for her as a child. Thankfully she learned how to change her own bedsheets at a very young age, and since they had maids to do all the washing, her parents were none the wiser when she was too tired to wake up at night and go to the bathroom. Thankfully she outgrew it once her bladder got a little bigger, and these days bedwetting is pretty uncommon - though not impossible. It's been known to happen if she repeatedly pushes her bladder to its limits during the day before, or if something particularly upsetting happened and the memory comes back to haunt her at night.

35. Were they accident-prone as a kid? Are they still like that or did it get better with age?

She was extremely accident-prone as a child, mostly because her parents often wouldn't let her go when she needed to, and she could never hold it for the unreasonable lengths of time that they expected. She's less accident-prone now, but only because she goes to extreme lengths to avoid them, even barely drinking anything throughout the day sometimes. It's a habit she's trying her best to break, as it often makes her sick...

36. Do they wear protection or did they wear it in the past? (past baby/toddler-age)

That's... A question that depends heavily on the AU and who I'm RPing her with. In her current world, it's a solid "no and never going to happen", but there have been a few AUs where she has, though I won't go into details here since I don't want to tag this.

37. Do they have any medical issues that make them have to pee more / have frequent accidents? If yes, how do they deal with them? Do they take meds?

Not really, though as mentioned above, her bladder isn't the strongest from too much holding over the years. This also leaves her more vulnerable to UTIs than most, but she has some basic healing magic that can clear them up before they cause too much trouble - though she'll sometimes suffer through them for a day if she's afraid of 'wasting' her magic on herself when she might need it for something else, in which case she'll wait to heal herself until night time when she can recharge her magic straight after using it.

38. Does anyone know about said issues? Do they talk about them openly or not? (out of embarrassment? fear of bad reactions? because no one ever asks?)

She almost never talks about this issue due to the obvious shame, and her partner is the only one who knows, because he's seen her healing herself from UTIs so often.

39. Do they have some trauma related to omo (being mocked / scolded / yelled at for an accident, bullying, weird / scary encounters in public bathrooms, etc.)

Ah, here we go - the epicentre of where this all started. As mentioned above, she was potty trained before she was fully ready and often wasn't allowed to go when she had to - this was mostly because her parents are rich nobles and completely obsessed with their own image. They never really wanted a child, they wanted a miniature adult that they could dress up and parade around and brag about. As you can imagine, this led to a lot of verbal and emotional abuse when she was obviously incapable of being what they wanted, and a fair amount of neglect too since they didn't want to actually take care of her, and she was mostly left for the maids to deal with unless they wanted to show her off to someone... And being shown off was the worst part. They would always drag her to fancy balls and events, and expect her to stand there quietly and only speak when spoken to, never move or ask for anything or need anything. This would have been an impossible ask for any small child, but a neurodivergent child who was sensitive to the sound of lots of overlapping chatter, AND already developing anxiety and a severe distrust of people? Forget it. Each time she got upset or 'acted out', the rules would become more and more strict, and she would be punished more and more severely until eventually she managed to stay completely silent and still... But this left another problem. She still didn't have the strongest control over her bladder, and a lot of the fancy parties they were attending could last almost all day. She would of course be scolded and silenced as soon as she tried to tell her mother or father that she had to go, they would insist it was impolite to say it aloud, especially around others. Squirming or fidgeting in place also resulted in anger and scolding, because apparently that was rude too. It would never take long before she had an accident, which would usually draw the attention of everyone else... Though the stuck-up nobles that her parents were friends with never spared her any sympathy when this happened. It almost always ended with her being physically punished in front of everyone - her father carried a cane and wasn't afraid to use it. There was nothing she could do to escape this fate for most of her childhood, until she eventually became capable of holding it until they went back home, but that took a long time and required her to dehydrate herself for most of the day. It took years for her to work through even some of the trauma and get past her fear of fancy events and balls, they only cause moderate anxiety these days... But as mentioned above, accidents can still send her back there in an instant.

40. Did they ever have an accident or extremely close call while sick?

She doesn't get sick very often, but when she does, it hits HARD. That probably makes close calls a common occurrence when she feels too sick to get out of bed, unless someone's there to lift her onto the chamber pot every few hours.

[katsuukiwii]

Could I get a matchup for AOT, Black Butler and MHA, please? 😊

Personality: I push myself REALLY hard. I have a lot of willpower and am VERY stubborn. I try to be highly independent, usually to a fault. I don't like asking for help and it takes me a very long time to realize and admit I need it.

I'm distrusting and cynical and have been through a lot. I get stressed out really easy and am anxious and depressed. But my anxiety is usually hostile/aggressive. When I get anxious or stressed, I usually lash out or try to control things. When I'm depressed I usually shut down completely or dissociate really bad. (Wow this sounds so negative when I type this.)

This combination (being stubborn and refusing help, but also being very handicapped) is harmful to myself and I've begun to finally realize that. I've been gradually trying to accept help from others more and allow myself to not live up to unrealistic standards. I would need someone who is supportive of this and someone would help me stop pushing myself into oblivion.

On a more positive note, when I'm not stressed or being combative, I really love life and am one of those people that appreciates seemingly insignificant things that most people take for granted. I'm also very sensory oriented. Even something really small can greatly lift my mood, like a nice breeze or rain or a flower. I like being outside for a part of the day because of this.

I can be a little weird and don't really care too much tbh. I do weird or sometimes childish/childlike things like chase/stalk geese or immitate animal sounds. I can also be very mischievous if my mental health has been doing well for a long time and I am happy. I will pull pranks or be evasive when speaking or play (not malicious) mind games.

I also tend to love VERY deeply when I fall in love. I feel very strong emotion and affection towards that person, am fiercely loyal and am usually sacrificial to a fault for them (again, push myself too hard).

I'm easily crushed if that person I love abuses my love or neglects me.

(I also hate very intensely too and can be very petty, spiteful and vengeful. Just strong emotions, I guess.)

Sexually, I honestly can't see myself being dominant even if I tried. I probably would try, but would fall apart. I also have a very big masochistic streak. I like very intimate sex. Not necessarily soft, slow or gentle (but it could be these), just physically and emotionally intimate.

That's it cause I don't want to type too much and make this super long! Thank you very much, you are great! 😞 Matchups can be hard, I appreciate your effort!!

Matchups!

No, no, thank you for making this long! I got a lot of details from it! I appreciate the appreciation! It SOUNDS negative, but I know people PERSONALLY who have experienced similar things to you (from what I read) and have seen these sorts of things, so I hope I gave you good results! Im glad you were willing to be so open, even if it’s through anon, that stuff can be hard to talk about ^^

Attack On Titan:

I ship you with Reiner Braun!

He doesn’t know EXACTLY what you’re going through, but he does his hardest to try and understand so he can help you out. He’s dealt with some issues on his own, and knows that its no fun to experience it on your own!

Your can get aggressive, all good! Reiner knows you truly don’t mean any harm towards him, you just have a lot on your mind that you need to let out.

He wants you to come to him if anything is on your mind, good or bad! He wants you to know that he’s there for you, and that he loves you no matter what! He gets so happy when you say that you want to reach out to people, and get help

Now, onto happier things! He loves taking you on walks, especially if it’s raining! He likes to get outside too, so he doesn’t mind a bit!

He’s uh...not the smartest, so mind games can confuse him! He loves to pull pranks with you, usually on poor Connie, or Jean.

He understands that you like to be independent, but he also knows that nobody is capable of doing everything! He likes for you to admit if you need help with something, since it helps you learn, but if you refuse to he’ll just try and have you do something else while he helps. It doesn’t work often, but he still tries!

He doesn’t mind your weird side! He’ll watch you stalk geese, but won’t actually join you. It doesn’t make him ashamed, it’s just not his thing. As usual, if you REALLY want him to, he will.

BUT he does like to try and imitate animal sounds with you, he thinks if silly!

For sex, you’re submissive, all good! I picture him being more of a top anyway! So, you like something kind of rough, but intimate, and loving, and he’s totally cool with that as well! It fits him perfectly! Plus he’s a big guy, so sometimes he can unintentionally hurt you (not horribly), and he’ll apologize even if you liked it.

Aftercare g o d. Always makes sure you feel okay, and comfortable about what happened! He’ll make sure you’re nice and clean, and then give you some snuggles if you want!

Runner-Ups: Erwin Smith and Armin Arlert

My Hero Academia:

I ship you with Eijiro Kirishima!

It takes Kirishima a minute to get used to your hostility (only when you have those moments, ofc). He doesn’t really know what to do until one day, where he doesn’t force you to do anything. He speaks to you in a gentle voice,

“I’m not going to force you to do anything. But I would really appreciate it if you just....opened up to me. I’m not sure how to help you out, I need you to show me. So can we talk, please?”

You try to be more open after that, and in all honesty, it didn’t just help you, but it helped him. A LOT. He just wants to do his best for you!

Yes, maybe he has called people whiny before, but he still knows that emotions are very important. Everybody has to let them out every now and then!

He will NOT take your for granted. Not just because it’s “manly”, but because he cares so much about you, and he wants you to know that you aren’t alone!

Now, he, unlike Reiner will TOTALLY chase geese with you AND imitate animal sounds! He’s a child at heart as well. He’ll take a walk outside with you! He prefers to be inside, but he doesn’t hate it! Plus he loves to see how calm you are when letting the rain fall on our hand, on taking in the vibrant colors of a flower!

He’ll catch on to SOME of your mind games, but he can get stumped! You often pull pranks on him, and he still laughs about it and has fun! What a sweetheart!

During sex, he’s all good with being on top! He will be a bit reluctant to hurt you if you ask, but eventually you’ll make him comfortable enough to be a little rough, nothing to far though!

He IS a switch, but he’s absolutely fine with you wanting to be on bottom! The only thing is that he is very sensitive physically, so he can get vocal. SO even if he is on top, his face could be bright red with his eyes shut tight, it’s cute!

Runner-Ups: Hizashi Yamada and Shouta Aizawa

Black Butler:

I ship you with Sebastian Michaelis!

This man is probably one of the BEST options for you, honestly!

He knows just how to calm you down almost right off the bat! Of course, everybody requires a bit of adjustment, but for him it was a piece of cake!

Of course, he can get a bit annoyed if you get SUPER aggressive, but that doesn’t mean he hates you! He still cares about you so much, but it can be a lot, even for him. 

He makes sure you get the help you need!

Let’s be honest, most of us know that scene with Beast. He CAN be manipulative, but he would N E V E R do it towards you. He’ll tell you and show you. So he will praise you in bed if you need it, or even if he feels like it.

You absolutely cannot play mind games with him. He’s too smart. If anything it’ll turn into him playing a (not malicious) mind game on you. He likes to tease you, but he makes sure not to take it too far!

Absolutely will not chase geese. It’s not for him. He will only do it if you wanted him to catch one. In that case, he could probably catch a few with his skills!

He doesn’t imitate animals sounds with you...in public, that is. In private, he likes to as well! He’s not quite sure why.

And now, for sex! We’ve seen the scene with the nun. This man goes HARD! Of course, he can be gentle, but it’s in his nature to be rougher than the average person. If you want him to be gentle, he will. BUT if you do want a little pain he is totally down. Definitely a sadist. He fine with you being on bottom!

Runner-Ups:  Adrian Crevan and Claude Faustus

[oneluckygoose]

Continuation:

Walburga and Orion are horrible: controlling and abusive and manipulative. They destroy their children. Unfortunately for them, James Potter exists.

Sirius starts off wanting to please his parents and be everything they want him to be; it's how they raised. That changes. Sirius always had a fire inside him that his parents could only push down for so long. Once he gets into Gryffindor, everything changes. And, fair warning, it doesn't end pretty.

Regulus' relationship with Orion and Walburga is that of a child who has watched their older sibling be abused for rebellion and is fucking terrified of that happening to him. He hates them, but he has to please them to save his own skin.

!!!Neither of the Black children are bad for their respective reactions to abuse. That is not something they can control, but is only something they have to work to heal, and they do.!!!!

Also, all the Skittles are in Slytherin for being ambitious, cunning, and calculating. Not because they are evil.

Not all Slytherins are pure blood fucks who toss around slurs and unforgivable curses while chanting "praise the dark lord". Some of them are good/some of them don't deserve treatment as if they were. Understanding this is essential to James' character development.

Not Snape though, he is exactly what it says on the surface. Sure, he loves a muggle born, but he also is obsessed with her, manipulated her, called her slurs, and hurt the people she loved. He has no such qualms with being as horrible as possible to anyone else. Not saying James and Sirius were good, but Snape wasn't a fuckin' hero either. "Always." BITCH THAT"S CREEPY NOT ROMANTIC.

How long does it take Lily to realize Snape is the worst person on the planet earth? Much, much too long. He calls her mudblood and that is the last straw.

Also fuck JKR's timeline (also just fuck JKR), I don't even understand how the prank could happen before Snape's Worst Memory or after 5th year so the cannon fuckery is going to happen mainly in 5th year and around the prank. I have a plan laid out, and it shouldn't change its cannon compliment status too heavily.

I've put in a lot of OCs and worldbuilding elements in the story. It's still the Marauder's story, I just filled out the world in a lot of places I see it lacking a lot. Also, whose to say that the Marauders' days at Hogwarts weren't just as dangerous and insane as Harry's? Hogwarts is a strange place where a lot of strange things happen, I plan on using that.

For this final one, I just want to emphasise it by saying: The thing under this is very important.

Nothing will be glossed over. I see a lot of vagueness about the Cruciatus curse, and just, no. People need to see in detail what shapes the characters and why they are the way they are, especially Regulus and Sirius. I'll do CWs before every chapter, but I'm not holding back. It'll be graphic, it'll be skin crawling, but maybe that's the point. Remus goes through torture every month, that needs to be known. Sirius and Regulus are broken by their parents, that needs to be known. Mary was raped and assaulted by blood purists, that needs to be known. Things won't be pretty, they never have been with the Marauders. But maybe that's the most beautiful thing about them. Things aren't pretty, but they find a way to love despite that. (James Potter tends to have a large hand in that, too)

There is and will be a lot more to this story than mentioned, and even still I feel like I've given away too much. I guess this is just for those reading to know what they'd be getting into. I heed and hawed over writing this for a very long time, but now I'm actually doing it! Currently upload schedule is fairly inconsistent because I am in school, and I don't think that'll change for a long while. Unfortunately I plan on putting a lot of things in here, so it's going to be a long fic. As of writing this, I already have 31k for just four chapters, one of which isn't even done. But, I'm trying to do the best that I can writing this, so I really really hope you enjoy!

Also, I know I'm writing very seriously in these descriptions, but my normal writing style isn't like this. I just didn't want to put an absurd amount of gags in my information post(s whoops), lol.

House of the Rising Suns

Info post about my Marauders era fanfic! It will be edited and added to as things about it change, so if you plan to regularly read, I suggest checking in every once in a while to see if something's changed.

It will be posted on Ao3 exclusively, so if you see it anywhere else it means someone has stolen my work. Don't be afraid to report it.

Here's a link to the first chapter: Dear Minerva

It is a fic starting in 1971 and ending 1981 following the Marauders, the Slytherin Skittles, and the Valkyries through their journey through Hogwarts and the First Wizarding War. I don't yet know if it is cannon compliment or not, but I will figure it out with time. All posts I make about it will be tagged with "#house of the rising suns" and "#house of the rising suns oneluckygoose"

Here are the characters that will have POVs: Minerva McGonagall, Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, James Potter, Peter Pettigrew, Lily Evans, Marlene McKinnon, Dorcas Meadowes, Mary MacDonald, Regulus Black, Barty Crouch Jr., Evan Rosier, Pandora Lovegood (Rosier), Frank Longbottom, Alice Longbottom, and (ew) Severus Snape.

For the shippers out there --- Endgame ships: Wolfstar (Remus and Sirius), Jily (James and Lily), Dorlene (Dorcas and Marlene), Rosekiller (Evan and Barty), Fralice (Frank and Alice), the Lovegoods (I don't actually know their ship name, but it's Pandora and Xenophillious). --- Ships in the story: Jegulus (James and Regulus), Marylily (Mary and Lily), Pandalily (Pandora and Lily), Remus and Marlene, Sirius and Mary, and characters with OCs that I've added (none of them will be endgame or treated like well known and endgame ships, they're all destined to end eventually).

NO SMUT AT ALL! I'm asexual, I do not feel comfortable writing it. It'll happen eventually, but it won't be explicit. When it does, though, it will be fade to black or very very vague descriptions. They're teenagers, I get that, but I refuse to write it in detail. Sorry, but no.

There is a greater description of it all under the cut! (and in the reblog, this got really long)

!!!!Disclaimer: The last one is extremely important, so if you don't want to read all of these, at least scroll down and read the last bullet point (which will be in the reblog)!!!!!

Scottish and Desi James; Welsh/Jewish Lily, Remus, and Severus; French/English Blacks; IRISH Peter; SCOTTISH Marlene; Dutch Dorcas; French Mary; British Rosiers; and British Barty, Italian/British Frank, Taiwanese/British Alice.

Jegulus, personally I think Jegulus is a very important thing for James’ growth and for Regulus to distance himself from his family’s ideals, but I also don’t think it could ever last. It will probably be a 5th-6th would be a 6th year arc and they break up after Regulus gets the Mark beginning of James' 7th.

Endgame Jily because their story is one of my favorites, and if I do make it a canon compliment ,then I would need to write it with natural progression. Also I just love Jily.

Get ready for a lot of 70's music. It becomes a big deal when Lily brings her record player in second year and then when Queen debuts in 1973 and Sirius falls in love.

I’m on the fence about making it a canon compliment because I choose to be HAPPY, but I don’t need to make that decision now and so I won’t (also I like the idea that Peter is good, screw me)

Aroace Peter, my little boy loves his friends and doesn’t understand why he doesn’t love like they do. A dating spree probably in 5th year but he just cannot figure out how to do the romance thing.

No sex, sorry guys we’re keeping this M rated. I’m asexual and do not feel comfortable writing that in the slightest, it would all be fade to black

Asexual Lily, to whoever HCed that, can I marry you? I love ace Lily and I think it just adds an arc to her story that is normally extremely sexualized. My girl will punch you in the face if you look even a tiny bit lower than her eyes.

*Side note* Lily's taste is also so funny. Like it goes: badass, rolemodel, stunning woman to badass, loving, protective, also stunning woman to badass, ethereal, insane, overwhelmingly beautiful woman to that one guy over there making love eyes and doing finger guns. God I love Jily so much. *End of side note*

Asexual Regulus. I am sick and tired of seeing Jegulus being completely sexualized in every single piece of content I encounter. I firmly believe their story can be extremely compelling and beautiful without falling into sexual stereotypes and just literally making everything about them sexual. All that aside, being asexual makes a lot of sense for Regulus' character, in my opinion. I want to make it clear I'm not doing this just to change Jegulus, I genuinely believe that Regulus' character is compelling with him being asexual, and I don't see a lot of asexual representation in the marauders fandom, so why not add in something good? (There'll be a lot more to Regulus' character though, trust me.)

More in reblog