#of how YOU yourself are engaging

[skitskatdacat63]

Dhfjkf it's so funny when people are like, "this is NOT a media where you should engage in shipping!!!" But like, is that not the point of shipping? Where you're often creating something outside of the scope of the original intention of the media? Idk, i just find it silly when people try and draw a line like that bcs its so incredibly subjective. Or acting like shipping is somehow this root of evil that corrupts the whole fandom. Calm down, it's just playing with dolls bro. Transformative media and such.

[inkskinned]

there are a lot of posts out there that are positive and healthy coping mechanisms for handling the holidays. this is not one of them :)

i think there's like. going to be times in your life you will be stuck in a social situation that you cannot escape from gracefully. i do not know why the internet doesn't believe these times exist. it's not always just that your physical safety is at risk - sometimes it's legit like "i just don't currently have the energy or time to put in the effort of responding to this." sometimes it's a coworker you hate so much. sometimes it's just like, fine, you know? like you know you can handle your aunt when she's cheerily horrible, but if you actually set a boundary around her, it's going to be weeks of fallout with your father.

i don't know why people think the answer is always just "cut them out!" or "don't let them get away with that!" because ... the real world is tricky and complicated. i think kind of a lot of us have an internal "radiation poisoning" meter for certain people. like - i'm talking about the ones who are absolutely giving you gradual ick damage. like, you can handle them, but you'll be exhausted.

and yes. you absolutely should listen to your therapist and the good posts about handling others and set good boundaries and take care of yourself. prioritize peace.

HOWEVER :) ...... since im often in a situation with a Gradual Sense of Ick person i cannot just "cut out" of my life (without losing someone else precious to me) - i have sort of developed the most. maladaptive form of mischief possible. because like, if i'm going to have to listen to this shit again, i like to have a little bit of private fun with it.

now! again, i am physically safe, just mentally drained by this man. you should only do this with people you are not in danger with. which leads me to my suggestions for when your Unfortunate Acquaintance shows up and says oh everyone pay attention to me.

my favorite word is "maybe!" said as brightly and happily as possible. whenever the Horrible Person starts in on a topic you do not want to go further with, particularly if they make a claim that you know to be inaccurate, do not respond to it. you and i have both tried to actually argue with this person, and it hasn't gone well, because this person just wants the drama of an argument. however, "maybe!" gives them literally nothing to go on. it is incredibly disarming. they are used to people having some response. they know they can't prove what they're saying, and maybe! treats them like the child they are. it dismisses them in the politest way possible.

i like to say maybe! and then, in their stunned silence, immediately change the subject. this is because i have adhd and i will have something unrelated to talk about, but if you can't think of topics fast enough, i recommend just pointing to something and saying, "isn't that lovely?" because fuck you let's bring in some positivity.

by the way. that second trick - of pointing to something and stating an opinion about it? - that just works on its own, like, 70% of the time. i picked it up from teaching preschoolers. it's an intentional "redirect". it stops children crying and it also stops grown adults from finishing their explanation on why women belong in kitchens. dual wielding!

keep it silly for yourself. i absolutely do not care if people think i'm fucking stupid (it's more fun if they do) and as a result i will purposefully misunderstand things just to see how long it takes them to realize i've completely removed them from the subject at hand. when they say "women aren't funny" i get to be like. "which women." "all women." "all women in america?" "no in the world." "like the mole people? the people in the world?" "what? no. like, alive." "oh are we not counting the mole people?" "what the fuck are you talking about." "you don't believe in the mole people?"

similarly, i play a personal game called "one up me." my Evil Acquaintance literally knows this game exists (my family & friends caught onto it and now also play it) and it always fucking gets him. i don't know why. you have to be willing to be a little free-spirited on this one, though. the trick is that when they make one of those horrible little bigoted or annoying comments they are always making, you need to go one unit weirder. not more intense, mind you - just more weird. "you don't look good in that dress." "yeah, actually, my other dress was covered in squid ink due to a mishap at the soup store." "you shouldn't wear such revealing clothes." "wait, what? oh shit. sorry, your son tears off strips when no one is looking and eats them. i swear it was longer before we left the building."

the point of "one up me" is to completely upend this person's narrative. we both know this person likes setting up situations where you cannot "win" and then they really like telling other people how badly you handled it. in a usual situation, if you respond "please don't say something that rude", you're a bitch. but if you let it happen, you're letting yourself be debased. they are not usually expecting door number three: unflappably odd. because what are they going to say when they're telling everyone how badly you behaved? "she said my son eats her dresses" ".... okay?"

if you can, form an allyship with someone whomst you can tagteam with. where they can pick up on your weird "soup store" story and run with it.

the following phrase is amazing and can be deployed for any situation: "oh, be nice :) it's the holidays!" i do not know why this works as often as it does. i'll say it for the most random shit. i think this is bc most of the time these people know they're being impolite, they just like to fight.

godbless. when in doubt, remember that you could always start stealing their pens.

the whole point of this is - if you can't escape. maybe see how long you can just be. like. a horrible little menace.

[moonturtlephilosophy]

I think one of the biggest drivers in the "transandrophobia discourse" is that the women/transfems who are currently going after transmascs, belive that men have some inherent qualities. The flavor changes depending on who is talking, but it's always one of them: bioessencialism, genderessencialism, sexessencialism, ect.

Newsflash: feminism includes everyone and strives to free ALL from these societal systems. As soon as you exclude literally anyone, you're not a feminits anymore. Even if that group is cis, white, hetero, able-bodied, upperclass men. They are not opressed by this system, but they sure are affected! And need to be included in femminist discussion. Both about their struggles with patriarchy and capitalism AND about preventative measures for rape, SA, sexism, ect. (How they cause harm through perpetuation of harmfull systems. That they did not put in place. Literally just please give men a space to deconstruct these systems for themselves. They are not gonna 100% see themselves in theory made by women and thats ok. That doesn't make them automatically evil.)

[abirddogmoment]

thinking about how much time and mental effort I put into making sure my dog is exercised and enriched every day vs the new (largely north american) trend of never walking your dog because "they get enough during the day" (it's one hour of high arousal sports training) (where they sit in a crate for 40 mins of that) (and maybe a romp in a postcard-sized backyard if they're lucky) ((it's not enough for most dogs)) ((they're bragging about it))

[godsfavoritescientist]

I've been seeing a bunch of people adding disclaimers to their billford posts clarifying that they have critical thinking skills about abuse and abusive relationships, and I 100% understand that impulse. When I first made this blog I added disclaimers like that onto nearly everything. But, if it makes the folks adding those disclaimers feel any better: after I stopped writing essays trying to prevent people from taking my billford posts in bad faith, absolutely no one got mad at me in my inbox or on any of my posts, and I've been posting about billford for years now. In my experience the majority of people who are uncomfy with this ship nowadays will simply block and move on. Some folks will disagree no matter how many disclaimers you add, and that's ok

[edwinisms]

pro tip if you want a positive fandom experience: do not follow confession blogs. you’re just asking for a bad time if you do that just don’t

[mirensiart]

Look, I truly do realize it’s frustrating to be asked the same thing over and over again, but sometimes when looking through a blog to see if something’s been answered, you skip over where it’s been answered, or you don’t quite understand so you ask a similar but different question in hopes of elaboration or for it to make more sense. Yes, sometimes it’s just people not bothering to read the pinned post, but other times it’s an ask for clarification.

Also, when someone asks you what something is, it’s not necessarily them being too lazy to figure it out themselves, it’s often them wanting to initiate a sort of conversation, they want to know what YOU think of something. What is lu? Is it a super cool comic that you like because of the dynamics shown? What is it to YOU? That is what people are asking.

I’m not any of the people to whom you have given the ‘look it up/it’s already been answered’ responses to, but almost every time you say it has more and more felt like a slap in the face and a ‘you’re stupid for asking’.

I want to engage and interact with your content, but the way you respond makes me feel like I have to quadruple check things to make sure it’s not going to get a negative response. Maybe I’m just sensitive, and you’ll just get upset with me (I’m certainly used to it irl), but I feel like it’s important to tell people when they’re coming off as mean and don’t seem to realize it.

I don’t want this to ruin your day or anything, and I truly enjoy your work and think you’re a great artist.

Ok so, I understand where you’re coming from but a couple of things to take into consideration:

1. It’s all about the tone and the way people ask the thing. Some people just come out as entitled and rude, at least to me, which is why it irks me and bothers me. There’s been people who have asked things I’ve answered before, hell the very same question about what linked universe is, I’ve replied to it before with no problems because the person who asked was nice! I do understand not looking at the entire blog for an answer. Another example is the mipha’s grace question, I have gotten it a ton but there are twists to it, some people add interesting details or questions, I don’t mind that at all. It’s when people just come at me with an entitled tone that I don’t like. Maybe I come off as rude myself because tone is so hard to read over text, but I try to be as nice as I can regarding my own circumstances

2. I am doing all of this for free. I have a job and a pretty awful personal life right now lol I create content and I share it with you all and I engage with everyone during my limited free time. I don’t have to reply to everyone, that is true, but I do and I try to as much as I can. I encourage people to send me asks actually since it’s thanks to this that I’ve been able to come out with more ideas for the content I’m making, but sometimes it is too much. I do apologize if I come off rude some days, again I don’t share my personal life online, but I’ve been dealing with the loss of 2 close family members that I lost in a short period of time, so I have bad days. Again it’s not an excuse, and I apologize again for coming off rude, it’s not my intention and sometimes the constant pressure of engaging with people and my own personal problems gets to me. And you guys shouldn’t pay for it.

3. English is not my first language, and i do get meaning and tone mixed up A LOT. I’ve had problems with it before, and I’ve had misunderstandings online cause I took something said to me wrong because of different meanings and ways to say things in Spanish . I’ve come off super rude to people when I’m not trying to cause that phrase or tone is said differently in Spanish and the same has happened vice versa, aka I misunderstand people in English cause some ways to say things come off as super rude here. Again, not an excuse, but it is a problem I’ve been dealing with for a while. I do strive to do better and to learn the language better. So I suppose I can only promise to try harder next time.

All in all, I will be more careful with my tone and my replies from now on, I really don’t want to offend anyone or cause a misunderstanding. I appreciate you telling me though, it helps to remind me that I need to separate my personal life from my online presence, and just not reply to people when I’m not having a good day, since I am more prone to be annoyed that way.

I do hope you have a good day (or night) and I thank you whole heartedly for the honesty. And you’re not sensitive at all anon, I was rude, i appreciate you telling me that. And please don’t feel as if you can’t engage with me, I really want this to be a fun space for everyone, so I’ll try extra hard to make this all a better and safer space for everyone.

[squidsystem]

fire emblem engage was so real for making this little beastie. I know we all keep saying this but I cannot express enough how much I love sommie.

He is just a silly. little guy. That's wondrous.

i love that he follows you i always wait for him to catch up and i always pet him for 2 minutes longer than is legally anticipated

AND YOU CAN DRESS HIM UP!!!!!

[orionsangel86]

.

[something-about-sunflowers]

Hot take: The people who are STILL insisting that Izzy is homophobic (despite the NUMEROUS instances of the cast/crew/David himself saying that nobody on the show is being targeted for their identity and ‘it’s not “I can’t believe he’s with a guy” but “I can’t believe he’s with THAT guy”‘ ad nauseam) towards Stede, Lucius, or Ed (I don’t believe I’ve seen anyone say anything about Fang or Pete, though I could be wrong, but I’m gonna touch on that in a bit too*)? They’re, unironically, being homophobic by stereotyping the characters and reducing them to just their sexuality.

If you recognize that Stede is a multifaceted character and you recognize the ways in which he is multifaceted - He’s a man born into wealth and raised on classist, colonialist ideals. Yes, he’s also traumatized by how he was treated by his father and peers but trauma doesn’t exempt people from blame when participating in, embracing, enforcing, and benefiting from classist and colonialist ideals - you will understand that Izzy is not being homophobic towards him just because he hates him.

If you only view Stede as a gay man and ignore everything else about his character then the only motivation for Izzy to hate him MUST be because he’s a gay man and therefore Izzy MUST be homophobic.

If you recognize that Lucius is a multifaceted character and you recognize the ways in which he is multifaceted - He’s a man who likely was born into some level of the middle class, given that he can read and write (It’s also possible that he was born into a working class family and he learned to read and write there, but it’s the unlikely option by default. None of the rest of the working class crew know how to read or write save Jim who was raised by a nun and would have been taught by her.), he also avoids doing work which is necessary for the function of the ship that they live on and depend on for their livelihoods and encourages the rest of the crew to do the same with his insubordination. He’s also in an unorthodox relationship that people who have not experienced the concept of consensual non-monogamy would not understand and might interpret as cheating - you will understand that Izzy is not being homophobic towards him just because he hates him.

If you only view Lucius as a gay man and ignore everything else about his character then the only motivation for Izzy to hate him MUST be because he’s a gay man and therefore Izzy MUST be homophobic.

If you recognize that Ed is a multifaceted character and you recognize the ways in which he is multifaceted - He’s a man of color, born into a working class family who worked hard to make a name for himself, to the point where he did not have to endanger himself or his crew to earn their livelihoods. He’s also some level of neurodivergent and understimulated by the environment he’s in (because he excels at his job) which leads him to make irrational and dangerous decisions and puts the lives of himself and his crew in danger. He’s also been making increasingly out of character decisions (corroborated by Fang and Ivan) by the influence of Stede - you will understand that Izzy is not being homophobic towards him just because he’s angry about his relationship with Stede.

If you only view Ed as a gay man and ignore everything else about his character then the only motivation for Izzy to be angry about his relationship with Stede (and only Stede, because he had no qualms about Ed and Calico Jack’s involvement with one another given that he sent Jack to get Ed out of the way of the English, but that’s another post I don’t have the spoons to make) MUST be because he’s a gay man and therefore Izzy MUST be homophobic.

If you IGNORE that Izzy is a multifaceted character and you IGNORE the ways in which he is multifaceted - He’s a gay (we’re not having this argument) working class man who earned his high ranking position on an extremely respectable pirate’s crew. He’s capable and is rightfully angry when he’s looked down on because of his class. He recognizes the importance of ship maintenance and is rightfully angry when those tasks are ignored. He doesn’t understand Lucius’ relationship dynamic and thinks he can use (what he thought was) him cheating on his partner (seriously, how is ‘I’m going to tell the man you were fucking that you were fucking another man’ threatening to out him?) as a motivation to make him do the necessary ship work. He is rightfully angry when his orders are ignored because he’s the highest authority on the ship next to the captains. He is in love with Ed and is jealous because Ed is in love with Stede - you can pretend that Izzy is homophobic because of how he behaves towards the other gay men on the ship.

If you ignore that Izzy has valid reasons for his actions (which does not mean that the actions are all entirely justified) then the only motivation for them MUST be because he’s homophobic.

(* The persistent neglect of Fang and Pete in these discussions is also rooted in homophobia. Fang and Pete are the only explicitly gay men on the ship who don’t, at any point, present ‘femininely’** and therefore don’t fall so easily into the bubble of the stereotypical gay man and so they get ignored in these discussions because they aren’t suitable to push the narrative that Izzy only interacts negatively towards ‘feminine’/’gnc’** gay men.)

(** The insistence that Stede, Lucius, and Ed are in any way, at any point, LEGITIMATELY presenting ‘femininely’ or are ‘gender non-conforming’ is ALSO rooted in homophobia - and I’d argue a touch of racism via Ed’s hair and beard as they relate to his indigenous roots. The assumption/association with those three being considered feminine comes from their identity as gay men. That is homophobia.

Stede wears men’s clothes. He wears RICH men’s clothes. Bright, colorful, patterned fabrics are worn by RICH men in the 1700s - if you want to argue that, say, king George presented femininely or was gnc because of the way he dressed be my guest but you won’t because he doesn’t and he isn’t. Lucius wears men’s clothes. His clothes are perfectly at place amongst the rest of the crew’s clothes. Ed wears men’s clothes. His leather is in direct relation to gay leather-men which is a hyper-masculine aesthetic in the same way drag is - typically - a hyper-feminine aesthetic. His appreciation for Stede’s clothes comes from the wealth and privilege that centers around the easy possession of those types and quantities of fabrics.

None of them behave in ways that are stereotypically feminine. Having and expressing emotions is not a uniquely or inherently feminine trait. Caring for and maintaining your appearance is not a uniquely or inherently feminine trait. Even if they were, Izzy also does those things. Izzy frequently expresses his emotions - yes, anger, a stereotypically ‘masculine’ emotion, but others as well. He also puts a great deal of care into his appearance, aside from the materials, the only difference between his and Stede’s outfits are the type of shoes and the presence of a jacket. If those traits are to be considered inherently feminine then it is disingenuous to not apply that label to Izzy as well.)

[candidateofloyalty]

Franziska’s insistence on perfection is an attempt to live up to her father’s legacy despite that legacy being built on lies and ruining countless lives including that of the person Franziska loves most. Accepting that she is not and cannot be perfect is a major step in her development into not only a better person but a happier one. And despite all of this, every time she declares her own perfection my immediate impulse is to agree with her

[hanzajesthanza]

"the michael kandel translation of "the witcher" short story can't hurt you!!"

the michael kandel translation of "the witcher" short story:

[mvrcellas]

hm

[aaronstveit]

people who are saying 'no' on that "is listening to an audiobook the same as reading?" poll are super annoying and i hate that we have this same discourse every couple of weeks but it's reallyyyyyy interesting to me that so many people are saying that you aren't 'interacting' with the story in the same way because, the inherent ableism of that aside, you absolutely can analyze and think critically about a story even if you don't physically read it. you can listen to a story and think deeply about it and i think you're all very very weird to believe you can't. just because you only half-listen to things doesn't mean the rest of us don't pay attention and think deeply about it.

[escapedaudios]

I wonder if the people who say "I'm an empath" can sense that I want to kill them with my bare hands.

[radioactive-earthshine]

I am still so perplexed by the fanon argument and belief that it is 'no different from canon's inconsistencies' when the driving thing about fanon is that it is based on things that never happened at all. It's not even an inconstancy in most cases - it's a direct lie. It's not even headcanons or an interpretation of the source material at this point.

Much of fanon is not even making a mosaic of different elements across media (picking and choosing things to accept or reject, which most fans to do personal enjoyment), it's taking one element and inflating it and declaring that it happened everywhere else with such confidence it convinces new fans that even in the comics Bart Allen says "crash" when it was exclusive to the animation.

IDK maybe I am putting more faith in the broad ability to engage in media with compartmentalization.

My friends who do engage in only fanon are a little confused too but they're honest that they just like the fanon part of fandom better and it makes them feel better, which I cannot argue against - you do fandom the way you want, but they do agree that the Bad Dad Clark thing and UwU Bart is offensive as hell, and generally bat-propping over other characters is also just.... they don't understand why other people need to to do it.

You cannot make a transformative work fairly out of something unless you know what you are transforming.