#but bleurgh its a horrible feeling

[orionsangel86]

.

[allthemusic]

Week ending: 10th November

After quite an exciting three songs, we're back to something that could honestly have appeared at any time from 1952 onwards, going purely off the title. It's a strange thing that happens - even when a particularly iconic song comes along and pushes the boundaries of what the charts can do, you're still going to get hang-overs from older styles, often for quite some time. It's not like everyone stopped buying the sort of records they liked, after all.

I'll Come When You Call - Ruby Murray (peaked at Number 6)

I wondered when I saw the title here if this was going to be a route-A "I love you" song, or if it was going to take the more interesting "I'm so hung up on you that I'll come like a dog when you call, even if you don't care" path. That was actually mildly interesting, as a hypothetical. So of course, Ruby went for Option 1.

This is the definition of a basic, straightforward song. Ruby has somebody she really loves, and in true soupy ballad style she just has to sing aabout how I'll come when you call, / When you give me the word / With the speed of a bird / I will fly to your side. That's basically it, that's the whole song.

I hoped there would be some drama in the middle, but even there, things seem to be going swimmingly for Ruby and her sickeningly sweet beau, as she sings about how You'll hold me and kiss me, and then, hand in hand / We'll wander together in love's wonderland. Bleurgh.

Even with the vague prospect of trouble later on in the song, Ruby remains steadfast, singing about how she'll come to her lover Be ti stormy or fair, / For what will I care / If I'm close by your side! It's the sort of celebration of domestic bliss and loyalty and sticking with your partner that I find terribly sweet and compelling in real life, and (always, though not often) horribly dull in songs. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy things are working out for Ruby, but this song is not thrilling me.

It's not doing anything horribly wrong, at least. We're slow, but the tune jumps about and shakes its dynamics up just enough to stay interesting. The instrumentation, while not inspired, is delicate and pretty enough, and we get a nice swell at the end, without risking it all on a Big Old Ending. All very Disney princess, very clean, very safe. And you can't deny that Ruby can sing. So perhaps this record does what it meant to do, you know? I'd certainly slow dance gamely along to it, if somebody else put it on at the tail endi of a wedding, or whatever.

You see, I'm going to have to vote for this song, now, as my favourite song of the bunch. I sometimes eschew that to name a song "worst song of the bunch" or something similar, and this song definitely doesn't merit that treatment. But putting this digestible and pleasant bit of nothingness alongside Rock Around the Clock does feel a little bit silly. Ah well, 'tis the nature (and sometimes the beauty) of the charts.

Most solidly fine song of the bunch: I'll Come When You Call

[zekroudon]

The Song of our Hearts (Lukadrien June 2020)

@lukadrien-june

Day 29 & 30: Hand-holding & I love you

After many trials, many bumps, and hiccups on his road, Luka has finally reached his big day; the wedding day where he gets to proclaim his love for the whole world to see. The day where he gets to say I do. You can read it on Ao3 as usual here.

To be honest, my original idea for the I love you prompt was to have Luka looking at Adrien and Marinette being a happy couple together while he wonders what could have been like if Adrien had chosen him. I felt horrible for ending with such angst, so I'm glad I had the idea of their wedding, even though it's more cliché and straight-forward.

It feels surreal to have finally reached the end, the last prompts. When I started writing this back in May, I had no clue how far it would go, since it is my first themed month prompt. I feel like it helped me grow as a writer. Thanks to the amazing people on APS who supported me along this journey. A big thank you for the people who organized this event, it was really awesome to be a part of it. A big thank you also to all of you who read along and left kudos/likes/reblogs and commented, it means a lot.

After many trials, many bumps, and hiccups on his road, Luka has finally reached his big day; the wedding day where he gets to proclaim his love for the whole world to see. The day where he gets to say I do.

Life in Paris is slowly returning to what it used to be before the madman terrorized the city for years. People are now allowed to feel, to cry, to be hurt and angry, to be human without fear of purple butterflies or world-ending craziness happening every day. Deep down, Luka saw the wedding as proof that love always wins in the end. That love allowed them to defeat Hawkmoth and it would allow them to rebuild themselves. It is surely still not perfect, but in the end, nothing is really perfect.

Except for the wedding.

Everything had been overseen by their usual team, except with a change in leadership, but instead of fighting akumas, they had been planning a wedding. Luka couldn’t be prouder of what they had accomplished. Nino prepared multiple playlists and remixes based on the fiancés’ requests. Alya took charge of the news and media part, being the only journalist allowed, and the meal along with her mother. Chloe handled the reservations for the park and the different pieces of equipment needed, and though she didn’t admit it outright, Luka knew she had pulled a few strings to get what she believed was best. She may have changed for the better, but she was still her Chloe self. They had chosen a small park in the less crowded suburbs of Paris. They still had to hire some security guards for Adrien’s crazy fans as well as for the people who threatened him for his father’s actions. Adrien got to choose the pastries with the Dupain-Cheng, but he had been forbidden to see the cake. Tom and Sabine wanted it to be a surprise for their “adoptive son” and his fiancé. Kagami helped Marinette decorate and kept her on track, as the fashion designer also took care of the suits and dresses for the couple, best man and maid of honor. Luka chose the band, to no surprise, he chose his own group, Kitty Section. Adrien had rolled his eyes, but he put up no fight against Luka’s smile. He also took care of coordinating everyone and kept an eye on the budget.

As the sky slowly turns to dusk, the guests slowly arrive at the park, the rows of seats filling up rather quickly. Luka spots some of Adrien’s old classmates and fellow ex superheroes, as well as their families. Juleka walks in wearing a beautiful black and purple dress that reminds Luka of the night sky with galaxies.  Rose is by her side, in her pink puffy summer dress. Juleka keeps tugging on their mother’s arm so she doesn't bother Nino for his lack of enthusiasm by putting the volume so low. Chloe enters in typical fashion, trying to catch everyone’s attention. She wears a yellow dress, one of Marinette’s newer designs. Alya kisses Nino’s cheek before he exits the park to go help Adrien prepare. The small crowd’s cheers and intermingling voices create some sort of unharmonized melody, though it makes its beauty in Luka’s opinion. So many people, all with different songs, different stories, though all their paths crossed to bring them all here to celebrate love.

Someone lays a hand on his forearm and tug on it lightly. Luka looks down and dives into the bright blue eyes of a little girl. “Just like her mother’s”, he thinks. She wears a beautiful light green dress that reminds him of Adrien's emerald eyes. He crouches so they’re at eye level.

‘’Is there a problem, Emma?’’ He asks. ‘’Mamma is waiting for you. She says that if you don’t hurry, she’ll marry uncle Adrien herself.’’ She replied looking worried. ‘’I’m sure Kagami wouldn’t be happy, but let’s go. Things tend to get ugly when your mothers are mad.’’ ‘’Also Mika and Mamma lost the rings but Tikki and Trixx found them. Uncle Adrien was so worried that he ate camembert. Mika did too and threw up.’’

Now definitely worried, Luka took the little flower girl in his arms and ran towards the tent where the maid of honor waited for him with the ring bearer.

‘’It’s so high up here, I hope I’ll be as tall as you when I grow up!’’ She tells him, looking at the sky.

Luka chuckles as he reaches the tent and sees Marinette with her wife, both small in stature, but incredibly strong, determined and fearsome. Flashbacks to the final battle against Hawkmoth and Mayura and how relentless they had been with Nino, they never stood a chance. They learned the hard way that you do not hurt Adrien.

‘’Even if you do not grow as tall as me, I know that you’ll be as strong as your mothers, my little harmony.’’

He gently lays her on the ground and she goes running to Mika trying to tackle him into a hug.

“EMMA! I’m cawwying the rings!” “Mika! I want a hug!”

Marinette stands between them to keep another catastrophe from happening again. She gives her daughter the flower petals basket.

“You’ll get plenty of hugs later, Emma. I’m sure everyone will want to hug you.” She tells her. “Not me! I do not want hugs, they are so bleurgh!” shouts Luka’s son.

Marinette looked into the man’s eyes, clearly showing that a certain kwami spent too much time with him. Luka shrugs as he knows full well that Mika and Plagg are nearly inseparable, his purrs lulling him to sleep every night. His jet black hair and sparkling green eyes made him look like Luka and Adrien’s son, but it also made him look like a human version of the cat kwami. Her eyes softened as she took his hand in hers.

“Are you ready for your big moment?” She asks. “I guess so, I’m just super nervous. What if he doesn’t like what I prepared for him?” “Luka, Adrien would love anything you did, even if it was just being there. Don’t worry.” “Don’t worry Daddy, Papa will love your song! If he do not, I will throw his ring in the hole thewe.” Mika says while pointing to a nearby manhole cover. “It’ll be okay, kitty, Papa will like it...” “I’m going to see Plagg!” he declares as he runs off, the rings still safely pinned to the cushion in his tiny hands.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

“Papa, you have to love what Daddy has pwepared for you! He thinks you won’t like it! Where is Plagg? I found a shiny stone for him.”

Adrien chuckles as his son enters the tent where he was preparing with Nino and the Gorilla. He’s glad that most people at the wedding knew about the kwamis or it would have been a nightmare to keep the secret when this little guy ran everywhere calling for his magical friends. He pockets the stone and takes Mika in his arms. He resists the urge to ruffle his hair or Juleka would have a word with him.

“Are you ready?” He asks him. “Yes, Papa!” “Alright, is everyone here?” “I think so? Alya just texted me that the last guests sat down at their spot.” Replied his best man.

Just as Nino finished speaking, the music started, indicating the start of his last few minutes as a fiancé.

“Okay, I can do this!” Mutters to himself Adrien.

Nino walks out with Mika to follow Marinette and Emma while Adrien waits for Luka to reach the stage at the front with his mother. He wipes his sweaty palms on his pants. What if Mika trips and they lose the rings again? What if an angry lawyer from Gabriel comes in to deny the wedding because of some stupid contract he would have signed when he was a child? What if Lila shows up and tries again to mess things between him and Luka? Maybe he would trip and tear his suit, ruining Marinette’s amazing design. A strong hand gently shakes his shoulder, bringing him back to Earth. He looks aside to see his bodyguard smiling at him reassuringly. He may not say a lot, but his presence has long been a reassuring one in Adrien’s life and the blond is happy to have him stand as his father at his wedding, he deserved it.

Plagg flies through the fabric of the tent. He is wearing his usual mask of indifference, but Adrien knows that he’s just as excited if not more than Tikki.

“You’re up, kid. Tikki wants me to tell you that she loves you and that she is happy for you. Also, do you have any camembert, I’m hungry and there is no cheese!" ”Here, I brought some for you. Mika gave me a rock to add to your collection…” “Ohh, it’s sparkly! I’ll add it to my box of precious things…” “Don’t you mean your pile of dirty socks and rotten cheese?”

The kwami glares at him before leaving with his piece of camembert to meet back with his friends.

Adrien closes his eyes and inhales deeply before stepping out of the tent. His ex-bodyguard walks next to him as the entrance to the small clearing where everyone sat grows nearer. The white decorated screens hide the crowd from him, but he hears their cheering and Nino’s music. A fond smile graces his lips as he realizes that it’s the song Luka wrote for them, the combination of both their heart songs. He would never stop to amaze him, whether it be by being such a good father to Mika, an amazing future husband, a great listener with good advice, and one of his best friends who kept by his side no matter what.

The blond steps forward to the entrance, the sight of everyone looking at him barely a small bass compared to when he catches sight of Luka. He nearly stops in his tracks, too amazed by the man he is going to marry. It is as if a full orchestra is playing in his body, entrancing him.

Luka’s aqua blue eyes are filled with fondness and love, enhanced by some eyeshadow and eyeliner that melts Adrien’s legs. His hair is placed in a man bun, though it is classier than his usual, a few strands of hair remain free, keeping the look he loves so much. He wore a black waistcoat with teal blue lines embroidered on the side, reminding Adrien of snakes with staffs and notes. His white shirt gradually turns to a teal-ish blue on his sleeves, which he rolled up to his elbows, exposing his toned forearms and his snake tattoo. There are a few bracelets on his wrists, including the one he and Mika made for when he leaves on tours so they can be with him anywhere. The fairy lights hung in the trees over him make his engagement ring shine and give the park a magical vibe. Marinette could not have made anything that would be more Luka for their wedding and Adrien was impressed by his friend and superhero partner once again.

Wiping the tears that started to gather in the corner of his eyes and trying not to ruin his makeup, Adrien starts to walk towards the man of his life once again.

----------------------------------

Luka's mouth forms a perfect “o” when Adrien steps in front of him. Even though he has seen so many of his old and more recent photoshoot pictures, he never looked as angelic, ravishing, and handsome as he does walking towards him between the rows of guests. Contrary to what that horrible man who was once his future husband’s father, Marinette had managed to design something for him that was simple, fancy and so Adrien at the same time. His fiancé wears something similar to him, a black waistcoat with a white shirt. The waistcoat has little cat paw prints embroidered on the sides in light green. He even spots a small cat among them on his back playing with little stars. His white shirt fades to green on his sleeves, making Adrien’s emerald eyes pop. Juleka also graced him with eyeliner and eyeshadow. His blond hair has been cut in an undercut and Lukas’s breath is taken away when his fiancé smirks, happy of the effect he has on him, though the dark-haired man sees the happy tears in his eyes.

Adrien reaches him on the stage and all the sounds and voices around them are deafened, only focussing on each other. The blonde takes his hand with the engagement ring in his hand and kisses his knuckles. Once they are done, the officiant starts her speech about weddings, hardships, and how love conquers all, but the two future husbands only have eyes for each other, smiling and communicating without a word. When the time comes for the vows, Adrien takes Luka’s other hand and bites his lip looking down nervously. The taller man caresses the other man’s hands with his thumbs, reassuring him. The blond looks up into his teal eyes before starting to speak.

“Luka. We met nearly ten years ago on the bridge of the boat you called home, the Liberty. I joined your band when you said that you needed a pianist. A few weeks later, we went on a double date with our friends Marinette and Kagami at the ice rink, though things were still complicated back then.  During those many nights spent chatting away from the bars of my old bedroom, I slowly fell in love with you. You helped me when I was shattered because my life was thrown upside down by people I trusted. You helped me pick up the pieces and to be myself again. You have always been there for me in the good times as well as the lowest ones, whether it was as a friend or as a boyfriend, and I know I will always be able to count on you. Back then, I had no idea of how important you would be in my life, but here we are, proclaiming our love to the whole world. I love you so much Luka Couffaine, you have no idea. I might be the melody that plays in your head, but you and our son are my entire world.”

Luka smiles fondly at his fiancé, the temptation to kiss him senseless so strong, but now is not the time. They will get to kiss later, and more. He was thankful Nino and Alya agreed to babysit Mika for the next few days while they go on their honeymoon. Marinette walks behind them and hands him his guitar. He sees Chloe roll her eyes, but she is still smiling, happy for Adrien.

“Adrien, all those words you told me touch me deeply. If you don’t mind, I prepared a small melody to accompany my words…” The blond nods so he continues. “I once dropped my guitar in the Seine to catch you and I'd do it again in a heartbeat. When I met you, I didn’t notice your song right away, I was too blinded by someone else’s, just like you were. As we grew closer, I got to know Adrien with his complete melody. I got to help you when you doubted yourself, I got to be by your side when you shone your light on the people you cared about. You are so loyal and full of love, I am lucky to be on the receiving end of it. You keep saying how much of a great father I am, but you are the amazing one. You are always caring for Mika and helping him. I know that you were afraid to turn into your father, but I can assure you that it will not happen. Your melody completed mine and fills my heart with happiness. I’m not as good as you with words, but what I wanted to say is that I love you, Adrien, with my whole being.”

Adrien and a few people in the crowd wipe their tears as the celebrant continues for a few words before it’s time for their vows. She nods to Luka to start.

“I, Luka Couffaine, take you, Adrien Agreste, to be my husband, to love and cherish you under storms and sunlight, and to continue our melody for as long as my heart beats. You may have slithered your way into my heart, but I will make the perfect catch by sliding this ring on your finger if you’ll have me.” “Yes.” Answered the blond.

The celebrant gestures Adrien to continue.

“I, Adrien Agreste, take you, Luka Couffaine, to be my husband, to love and cherish you no matter the distance between us or the rocks thrown on our path, meow, and fur-ever. We were mint to be and my heart purrs knowing that I’m getting meow-ied to you. Will you take this ring, the sign of our love?” “Yes.”

He smirks when he sees Marinette facepalm at his puns, but his eyes quickly return to Luka’s. He knows that no matter how often he sees it, the sheer fondness and love in those seas of teal always overwhelms him. Mika steps forward, steadily holding the small cushion with both rings resting on it. He blushes under the attention of the crowd but continues his path to his fathers with determination. Once he reaches them, he smiles brightly and raises the rings to them.

Luka takes his fiancé’s right hand. His ring finger, no longer occupied by the black cat miraculous, now on his left hand, feels empty. Luka takes his ring, a light silver with a gold line in the middle. A blue topaz rests on top, a color that reminded Adrien of Luka’s eyes when they bought the rings. He slides the ring on the blond’s finger. Adrien repeats the same with the other ring, a darker silver with an emerald. When he’s done, he ruffles his son’s hair, no doubt earning daggers from Juleka.

“I now pronounce you husband and husband! You may kiss the groom.” Cheers the celebrant.

Luka closes his eyes, leans in and Adrien meets him halfway. The crowd explodes in cheers and happy tears. Luka’s hands caress the blond’s cheek and hold him close by his waist, while Adrien’s arms snake around his husband’s neck. Their slow tender kiss turns into a passionate one. His chest starts to vibrate, but the purrs are swallowed by Luka. The two husbands part their lips to catch their breaths, foreheads pressed together as they look into their loved one’s eyes.

“I love you…”They whispered in unison, only heard by the other, but that’s what really matters in the end, that they love each other.

[sammyloomis]

bleurgh

obviously im not the only person on the planet who feels this way right now but my god i feel so horribly unproductive and i have No idea how to remedy it

whenever i Do do something its like “okay ur doing this but you could be doing more” or ill start it knowing full well i dont have the energy to see it through to the end which just makes me feel worse

and i wish i could just say like yeah, well, its a pandemic who cares take this time to relax and do nothing, take some time to watch videos and movies and read

but thats what ive been doing for weeks even Before fkn covid so i dont rly have an excuse

obviously You all know its not as simple to just flip a switch in ur brain that makes you feel better and want to make stuff and I know that too but even knowing it doesnt make me feel better

im dreading the day i get the call saying i have to come back into work and knowing ive just wasted months of down time doing nothing to improve my art or read all the books i want to read or finish and writing projects ive had going for literally years

even doing the stuff i Like feels like a chore

idk yall fghjk i just feel like im losing it a bit and The Sadness is getting to me

[arctobicwrites]

Arc two - Solitary

Drip. Drip.

This creature pads through its lair. It is dark and this beast is thirsty. Silence reigns.

Drip. Drip.

Crimson rivulets run down this monster’s hands. A quiet groan from the window. This abomination whips around. At the window is a twisted thing. All dark and broken, jutting bone and claws, and a too wide smile.

“Sister...”

Mushi jolts upright. Fuck. Another shitty dream. About Fushi. Fuck.

They fumble at the digital alarm clock, lighting up the interface with a weak orange glow. 4:00 AM. Fan-fucking-tastic. Absolutely wonderful. A goddamn great start to their already shit day!

Mushi groans, stretches all of their arms, and decides since they won’t be getting to sleep any time soon that Mushi might as well start their day. Clambering out of bed, they have to be careful of their wings that stretch from their shoulders to below their hips. Mushi is similar to their late mother in that regard, with a mutation type meta-ability that grants them both four arms and the wings of wasps, or as their sister put it ‘off brand bees’.

Bastard. Mushi grumbles as they trudge to the kitchen, the shadows of their tiny apartment in the West side of Sueon twisting behind them. Fucking nightmares. Mushi halted in front of a cabinet and yanked it open. With a shriek of protest from the metal hinges the cabinet door came off in their hands. Again.

“Fucking bitch-ass piece of shit-!” Mushi dropped the cabinet door on their foot. “Fucking hell-!”

Her neighbour thumped the ceiling. “Shut up!”

“Fuck off you slimy piece of horse-shit!” Mushi bellowed back. Wait, shit, it was 4am. Their neighbour had a point. An agitated buzzing left Mushi’s throat.

Still buzzing, Mushi stepped over the cabinet door and inspected the contents. Some energy drinks, protein power, bagged bread and half a packet of coffee powder. Further inspection revealed a half-eaten banana and some frozen mealworms that they didn’t remember buying. Mushi must have forgotten to order groceries again. Mushi poked the mealworms with a skewer and glanced at their ‘new’ upcycled blender they had repaired after finding it in a tip.

 Mushi bit down on their burnt toast, coated in a thick layer of mealworm, banana, protein powder and coffee and grimaced. They honestly didn’t know what they had been expecting. At least the coffee made it slightly edible. Slightly. Mushi bit into the toast again, chewed and swallowed. Bleurgh.

Finishing their horrible breakfast Mushi stretched again, moving their wings as well as their arms. One wing brushed the damn wall of Mushi’s cramped, shitty apartment.

Deep breaths. Mushi closed their eyes and counted to ten. Deep breaths.

Mushi opened their eyes and grabbed their sleek black phone with a sturdy red case to check on what they had to do for the day.

 1.       Go to the workshop.

Mushi’s ‘workshop’ was 15 minutes away on foot, and 10 minutes if she walked to the nearest bus stop. What it really was an abandoned, rotting warehouse next to the disused docks of the river Silthe, built far, far before the last professional hero left Suoen. The city had been an industrial hub a few decades ago, and plenty of the infrastructure had been abandoned, including the docks, and the entire south side of the city.

There were rows upon rows of warehouses and rusting shipping crates with who knows what still in them, but their warehouse was the most well maintained, with a patched roof and very strong locks barring the doors to Mushi’s little paradise.

The docks- the ruined hunks of metal, rusting without purpose, slowly rotting – remind them of the city and its people. It’s a melancholy feeling, but Mushi needs to eat, and to eat they need money, so they unlock the warehouse doors and slip inside, setting down their black backpack with a sigh.

 2.       Finish commissions.

The dogs server is a curse disguised as a blessing for Mushi. It’s how they meet new clients for the illegal support items they make, little gadgets to compliment or nullify a meta-ability. The server was built to facilitate this sort of business, little grey areas in law and morals. There’s a reason so many vigilantes flock to it - they occupy the same grey area.

It’s a curse because over the 3 years Mushi has taken commissions over the server, they have grown reliant on it. In the past this hadn’t been a problem, but now for 6 months the reliance had felt more like a stranglehold, binding Mushi to the server and inevitably to Canidae.

For now, they ignore the feeling of ensnarement that settles around their torso and focus on what people are asking of Rage-And-Riot, the mechanic of the server. A device that gradually releases water stored in a plastic bladder for someone with a meta-ability who has a body of slime which need to be constantly hydrated on sunny days. Gloves that wick away heat for the child with a fire meta-ability who keeps setting their bedsheets on fire. A choker that directs electricity away from the brain, sunglasses that darken after the wearer uses their meta-ability. For a while Mushi dedicated themself in worship of their craft, four hands smeared in oil and water.

The support item they were holding discharged.

“FUCK!” Mushi threw the offending item at a nearby support beam, where it promptly shattered. “Son of a bitch!”

Mushi agitatedly buzzed at the wreckage of what they were working on, shaking with anger. Their eyes fell on the duffle bag Mushi had lugged to their workshop in the warehouse.

3.       Patrol as Red Bastille

The fake wing covers were what Red Bastille got their name from. To outside observers, Red Bastille appeared to be a slightly homicidal vigilante with a Ladybug mutation. The goggles, made by someone who could imbue illusions into clothes, helped shift other smaller parts of Mushi’s appearance. Brown half compound eyes became a deep blue, short brown hair became a curly blond. They had been a gift from Canidae themself, before laughing words became subtle jabs became hissed insults.

The googles were fastened securely to their head, illusion shimmering into place. When Red Bastille flexed their shoulders the false carapace opened smoothly, letting their wings open to their full length. With a hop, Red Bastille's wings buzz, and they flew to the other end of the warehouse, dodging support pillars, to land on a windowsill.

With a deep breath, Red Bastille opened the warehouse window and flew into the morning light.

4.       Lunch.

Mushi’s knuckles were bruised. They were back in the warehouse, at mid-afternoon, boxing up what support items they’d finished in the morning, scribbling rough prices on the carboard Mushi had scavenged from the nearby dump.

They grimaced. Mushi should really make a proper weapon, but it was so much more satisfying to pick random shit off the ground and beat people with it. However, there had not been anything appropriate when they had cornered a drug dealer and tried to pry information out of her, and the dealer had tried to drive the vigilante off.

Mushi scooped a crowbar off the floor and hefted it. Eh, good enough for now.

An alarm buzzed from their worktable. Shit. Lunch. Mushi will have to mail the finished products in the evening. Mushi grumbles, tosses the crowbar on top of the duffle bag where they keep their vigilante stuff, and opens the warehouse door.

Orange eyes stare back at them, glowing and slitted. Tiny scales below their eyes, half-hidden by a white medical mask. A face that Mushi knows far, far too well for their own sanity.

“Why hello darling.” Canidae drawls. “Fancy seeing you he-”

Mushi closes the door and bolts it. Fuck that. Fuck Canidae. Fuck everything.

They can skip lunch today. Mushi will just have a big dinner to make up for it.

 5.       Check messages.

Mushi pulls out their phone to check Chatter. They could do with a big project, something to distract Mushi from the past.

Canidae is knocking at the door, as if asking for permission. Odd. They’ve never been one to let permission or morals get in the way if they want something.

Mushi scrolls through Chatter, tapping the icon representing the Dogs server, and navigating the app to the Private messages from there. Oh, Anki_009 received her modified night light!

“I just want to talk darling. Please.”

Oh boy, isn’t it windy in here! It sure is fucking windy! So windy that it’s make strange noises that sound like former acquaintance's voices!

“Please? I want to see you again.”

Mushi buzzes quietly, vibrations traveling down their chest from their throat. Everything was fine. Everything was fucking fine.

“Open the door darling. I know you miss me.”

Their breath caught in their throat, as Mushi stared at their phone unseeingly. Canidae wanted them back. Mushi was not sure whether to laugh or cry.

“Don’t you want to see me again?”

Oh. Oh. That asshole. The phone is shaking in their hands.

“You’re being ridiculous darling. I just want to talk, like old times.” Canidae tuts. Mushi can see in their minds eye the face they make as Canidae wags their finger.

Mushi is silent.

“Mushi please.”

Fuck. It almost sounds like Canidae cares.

Silence. “Well. I don’t know why I still care about you. It’s clear you don’t want me.” A sigh, disappointed. “Goodbye for now.”

Mushi is finding it very difficult to breathe. Tight bands seem to circle their chest, cutting off air. Their breath rasps, a gulping pathetic noise that’s a twisted parody of a wail.

There’s a sharp snapping noise. Mushi’s phone screen is cracked.

“God damn it! Fuck it all to hell!” They scream at the warehouse roof.

Mushi’s throat stings. They still feel like shit.

 6.       Go home.

Mushi is honestly not sure how they drag themself home. They collapse when they reach their bed, burying their face in the blankets. Argh. Mushi really needs to go shopping at some point, but at the moment it’s very likely they will end up crying all over the cashier. Ugh. They’re not even hungry anymore, just... tired. Mushi will eat later, but the early morning is catching up to them and they’re drift off already, still in daytime clothes.

Gosh. Mushi really is pathetic, aren’t they? They still can’t let go of people, even after they should be long gone.

 7.       Sleep.

Mushi dreams.

Drip. Drip.

This creature pads through its lair.

[justanotherdumpingground]

Chapter Reviews: January 15-19, 2019 + more stuff on RoD

Desire & Decorum Chapter 5:

Eh, it's okay. I mean, I'm glad I get to dance with Prince Hamid and hang out with Briar and the other love interests. Too bad I couldn't afford to spend some time with Prince Hamid alone, but because I won't get a clue, no huge loss. I'll do it someday, however.

Great. Lady Grandmother strikes back and, surprise, she wants me to go back to Duke Richards. I just think there must be some way to knock some sense into her. What I'm also wondering is how power politics will also play into this story, considering the fact that she talks like her hands are tied or something. After all, Duke Richards has a proper title, direct family connections to the royal family, and the influence to tip things in his favor.

The Heist: Monaco Chapter 7:

This is a fun chapter. I love the banter between Sybil and Anton. It's like they have potential to be a couple or something.

Anyway, working with Sybil was quite fun. It was thrilling to break into Ulrich's house and grab some tools as well as intel. It took me two tries to impress me, but it was worth it. Learning more about her was great as well because it allows me to feel an attachment to her. Here's hoping I can get to know the other crew members as well.

High School Story: Class Act Chapter 15:

Trevor, Clint, and Natalie are just... ugh. Clint and Natalie should stop stalking Rory and start getting a life. I never like them since they first appear. They come across as desperate for meaning in their lives by using Rory even though not everything has to revolve around him/her. It's rather pathetic. As for Trevor, he can get out of my sight because of his hostility towards me.

I'm impressed that Myra is running for president, but I'm wondering who her rival will be and how the election has to do with the theater club. Judging from Skye's horrified reaction, the rival candidate is someone hostile towards the theater club or a generally unpleasant character. My guesses are Morgan Jennings (kinda unlikely because she keeps things to herself for most of the time), Trevor (considering his hostility towards the MC), and Ace de la Cruz from the HSS app.

Regarding Class Act as a whole, it's fairly enjoyable even though the quality isn't super good. I miss my old gang in some ways, but I've learned to move on. Besides, I hate the school club formula in the trilogy because of its repetitiveness. Class Act is fine except that the theater club members except Rory, Skye, and Erin are utter jerks for not believing me in the first place. I hope the next book will be more fun.

America's Most Eligible Chapter 1:

Despite my wariness for this book, it feels so good to be back and see Bianca, Derek, Guilherme (Adam), and Tabitha (Mackenzie) again. Same goes for Jen. I'm already liking Eden for her friendliness despite her argument with Heath. The fact that I get to choose my own title was a fun addition.

Great, Ivy and Vince are back to stir up trouble. A part of me thinks making her a villain is unnecessary because of the nature of the series being a light-hearted reality show. Whatever that is, I'll see if I can get back to her.

As I've said earlier, I'm rather wary for this book because Book 1 was full of broken promises and wasted potential, and I wonder whether the next book will be like this as well.

It Lives Beneath Chapter 15:

Oh, this is intense. After the warning sign that the love interest's fates are determined in this chapter, I realize that this is the point of no return. It's a good thing I spent my diamonds on this book, particularly building up everyone's nerve scores to Tough as Nails, acquiring all collectibles, and befriending all pets. As a result, all four love interests are alive and well, and the tools they have come in handy.

Oh hi Noah! Glad to see you on our side this time. Pity it costs diamonds to recruit him, but it's worth it because I need all the help I can get to keep as many people safe as possible.

Diavolos the horse is back as undead? Creepy. It's a good thing I didn't have to spend diamonds to tame him because Imogen does it if she can still control animals. I guess I have to low-key thank the Society for her power as I keep it with Imogen through high nerve.

As for Astrid's death, I find it karmic in some ways (killing Josephine, manipulating Pine Springs into submission, to name a few), but I'm not celebrating that. After all, she still cares about her daughter and husband despite being a horrible person in general. I'm glad she and her husband have humanity in them while not getting redeemed. The same goes to Pierce and Margaret Sterling in Veil of Secrets. It also reminds me of Jocelyn Wu making more room for her schoolmates to escape in ILITW.

With that said, I have this theory that Kyle Garza and Deirdre Mallory will reappear as zombies, along with Josephine's victims since Pine Springs's founding. After seeing Diavolos as a zombie, I guess it's possible. Another theory I have is that the zombie bears and elks used to inhabit the area on the lake before its creation, though the chances of them being Josephine's first victims are high as well.

In short, awesome chapter! Can't wait for the showdown and to get my hands on the rune armor.

A Courtesan of Rome Chapter 11:

By this point, I'm admitting that I don't enjoy MC's storyline as much as Delphinia's. In fact, MC's story feels rather dragged because of the lack of resolution on playing the senators against one another. To me, the highlight is seeing Victus meet Syphax, and I'm eager to see how it all plays out when they fight.

By the way, why is there the Colosseum? Shouldn't it be on Imperial times instead of Republican times? I get that Pixelberry will take historical liberties to suit the narrative, but the presence of gladiators doesn't excuse this inaccuracy.

Anyway, let's see what the next chapter will be like.

The Elementalists Chapter 14:

No surprise that it was a birthday surprise, but at least Atlas can be properly introduced to the main group. It was a great moment with him.

As for Beckett, I'm not surprised that he's the one using the mirrors, though with good intentions even when he messed up. When he said that joining the group was the worst thing that ever happened to him, I felt really uneasy about that. Shreya nailed it when he said it. I mean, how would you feel if you find out that one of your friends say that being part of the group is a horrible moment of their life? Becca didn't say that, and neither did Victoria or any of the more acerbic love interests except Nick Peralta (Bleurgh!) I might as well switch to Griffin, Shreya, or Aster.

Nevertheless, I still spent diamonds for the premium scene with him. I replayed other books in order to get 30 diamonds, in case it will be steamy. Imagine my surprise when I realize that it costs 20 diamonds instead. Well, it was kinda sweet but also a bit of a bummer that my MC got cockblocked just as things were starting to get hot and heavy. There's always another chance for him.

Speaking of the upcoming attack on Thief championships, I'm becoming more sure that the one up to no good is Everett Merkseyer. So far, he has a unique face and dismisses the idea of incidents during Thief tryouts.

Speaking of Ride or Die, I'm becoming more wary of it. I know that there are people, particularly on Instagram, who are excited for it, but I'm not. It's bad enough that there will be no option to pick gender despite the premise giving no excuse for that. It's even worse when the trailer was released because it shows the MC planning to abandon her perfect life just to follow Logan, which comes across as stupid. Chances are that if Pixelberry continues to shove Logan on the player, I'll just play for diamonds instead. Here's hoping Mona will get enough screen time and proper development.

[justjomarie]

Me, Myself & I (Thanks Beyonce for the cheesy title. I owe you one)

 “HEY JO” 

“HEY WHAT?”

“INTRODUCE YOURSELF!”

“NO WAY!” 

“Introduce yourself!”

“Ok... 1,2,3,4,5, my name is Jo  and I say "hi". 6,7,8,9,10, back it up and meet my friend. Hey Alex!” (Lol ya know i gotta throw in the movie quotes in here and Alex if you are reading this, i KNOW for a fact you are continuing the song and as you should!)

Mooooving on, The name is Jo, duh. if you haven’t figured that out already. my friend Lisa in work today told me that she read my first post (THANKS GIRL) and suggested that i should talk about more of who i am for people who don’t know me... WELL actually she told me to VLOG IT which i laughed because i actually do VLOGS. (i’ll hopefully upload it onto here in the future.)

i’m actually okay with introducing myself to new people, its the process behind and leading up to it. its that immediate feeling that comes when someone asks for your name and then you have to quickly come up with a gazillion things to follow up with that you might think that could make them like you. i really do believe first impressions are important.

So here’s the basic breakdown. age. 25. nationality. British. Born in London, grew up in Wales. Ethnicity. Filipino. short sighted. just short. ( lol i hate the word short when it comes to height.) Small. will forever be small your girl hasn’t grown since she was 14 i’m pretty sure. haha. ENFJ. Gemini. Edna mode Dora the explorer crossover i guess. lmAO

Likes watching films + TV shows, (MARVEL,GoT,OTH,TWD,HP, GHIBLI, DISNEY), could spend a whole day with watching youtube videos with endless amount of breakfast tea or my new fave - iced vanilla latte (Oooo OH SO FANCY. such an adult) Animals - dogs, pandas, penguins + one of my new fave animals giraffes, 

Eating different types of amazing foods, I have a dance dedicated to GOOD YUMMY CHICKEN and will do it if it’s THAT GOOD. Ask Emily. HONG KONG I MISS YOU. Would love to travel more if only my bank account would let me. Reading a great book that i just can’t put down, listens to a lot of KPOP, 00′s RnB and tbh whatever song that is hella catchy at the time that i end up liking it. Very into Asian Beauty and Skincare. (my goal is when im 60 imma look 30 boiiiss) oh i do love a good old BOARDGAME NIGHT. and As cheesy as it is - making people laugh.

HATES. EFFING WASPS. (i got stung recently for the first time and it was truly one of most horrible pain i have ever felt.) they are still out to get me i know it. to be honest anything creepy crawlies they aint the ones. Disrespectful and close minded people- people who are so absorbed into themselves they dont’ even care how it might affect other people. drop the attitude LOVE. Bullies. Racists. 

Onion Rings and coconut flavoured things. bleurgh.  feeling lonely. seeing people upset- feeling like you can’t be there and helpless towards other people. feeling guilty. i hate people who intentionally make people feel like that.  (wowww deep stuff jo. :P) 

so that kinda sums me up - “THIS IS REAL, THIS IS ME” (lol gotta love the classic that is CAMP ROCK folks.)  well thats all the things i can think of right now. So imma end this with a bye, sayonara, adios, au revoir, ciao, see ya around peeps. i got some nilagang baka ( filipino beef stew) waiting for me. YUMMMM. hope you all had/having a great day :D 

[your-sunshineandrainbows-blog]

Bullying - the topic that most people hate

So today I thought I would shed some awareness on bullying. I have been thinking about it a lot lately and writing it out and sharing my thoughts on it is not only gonna help myself but also (hopefully) others. 

I, myself, have have been in the horrible position of being ‘the bullied one’ as many of you probably have yourselves. I actually wrote a speech on it in year 9 at school which I have no idea where it is but I shall find it, hold on... Ok, so I have just found it, and read it, and lemme just say I was so bad at English back then because what on earth... at least my heart was in it I guess :D (I was gonna share it but now I’m thinking no because I could write something so much better now :D)... 

My little something to say about bullying and how to prevent it:

Ok, so we all know that bullying isn’t exactly the cherry on top for experiences in your life - all types of people will go through it, whether they’re an old man, child/teenager or a middle-aged dude with a pet cat. It can be pretty upsetting and also very lonely. You feel weak, useless and unfortunate because ‘Why me? Why do I have to be the one that’s picked on...’ It ain’t cool, lets just say. I absolutely detest it when I see other people going through it - it makes me wanna cry for them because I know how they feel. Even the smallest words can hurt someones feelings - just imagine that constantly, every single day, all by yourself, upset and confused because you haven’t done anything wrong. 

There’s this quote that I always used to hear when I was younger and it was;

“Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.”

I never understood it because besides the ‘sticks and stones’ words CAN hurt you - like what the heck, who came up with this (no offence, I see where they were trying to go with it but I still don’t understand fully). 

What pleasure do people get by being cruel to someone? I feel like bullying happens so often that people don’t really notice it. I always thought that when this one person bullied me that I did something wrong or I wasn’t cool enough... I was scared to speak out, I didn’t want people to know that I was being bullied because it made me seem weak and small and... useless. I don’t understand how a few words can make you feel like the size of a microbe sometimes but they do and it’s a pretty crazy thing. Words can change a persons behaviour and can shape their current world. When you’re the one being judged and picked on you question yourself ‘Am I not normal enough? What is normal?’ ... Still to this day I think about my experiences and to be quite honest I still don’t know why it happened. 

There are many forms of bullying (I hate the fact that there are - it’s everywhere if you think about it). Cyber bullying is the one that I really do not like because you have this bully in your pocket, in your bag and on your desk at home. Constant negativity and emotional wreckage in your face until hopefully, eventually it stops. It is not cool people. I know that people go through stuff in their own personal lives but I don’t understand how peoples brains work in such a form that they think it is ‘Ok’ to pick a person out of the crowd based on prejudiced and discriminating opinions against a person. No matter what the bullies situation is I don’t think that they should even pick on a person just because they’re slim/over-weight, quiet/chatty or smart/not so smart. Everyone is different in their own way and by making people feel small and hopeless we are not allowing others to reach their full potential, we are in fact restricting them. 

The quiet kids, like I used to be, were the ones that would sit in class terrified to even out their hand up because if the answer was wrong it would give more reasons for the bully to bully them, the ones that if they didn’t look cool with the newest pair of trainers on would feel super-duper insecure, and the ones that if they had no friends they would hide from everyone else, just so that they would feel much more safe and not so exposed to those around them because they were scared that if they were seen by themselves people would think you were a weirdo. 

Bullying has had a big impact on my life because it made me feel so insecure, worthless, like I couldn’t do anything and that everyone was going to stare, point the finger and laugh. To be honest, if this experience hadn’t happened to me I wouldn’t be the person I am today. From bullying it increased many of my weaker characteristics and blinded me from the stronger ones. When weakness over-rules your emotions that is all that you can think about because you feel all the negatives compile into one big scary lookin’ monster, and you become so focused on the fact that it is there and in the way that you forget that you have your strengths which could quite easily eliminate that ugly lookin’ monster thing stood in front of you. 

Little story from the bible from me to you is ‘David and Goliath’. David is up against this giant called Goliath and he feels so much smaller and weaker against him, because he is so much bigger and stronger and could quite easily pick him up and catapult him into a pile of pigs poop. But David picks up a stone, places it into position on his catapult contraption and pings it into the air and smacks Goliath on the fore-head, causing him to fall to his defeat on the ground. From this think of the stone as your strengths, Goliath as your negatives and labels, and you are David, the coolest kid in town. Even the smallest of strength/faith that you have within you could change your situation and turn it around for the better. By getting past the negatives means you can focus on that victory and develop your strengths. Weaknesses are a lesson too. From this you should realise that even your weaknesses are weak. Your weaknesses are there to make you feel ‘bleurgh��� but they can in fact improve you as a person and change into strengths (I guess they’re there as a challenge, do you let them get the better of you or do you make something out of them?). I heard this preach once about turning broken pots into new pots - they would put the bowls back together using gold:

It looks pretty, right? Before, that bowl probably looked really boring and plain but when it was broken and put back together using the gold (gold being the lessons we have learnt, and the strengths that have occurred throughout the situation) it made the bowl look better and more unique. Even though at the moment it may all seem pretty wild and scary it does amend itself eventually, and over time you will learn from those situations you were put in and the pot will then gather its pieces and compile something beautiful. Your story, whether it is bullying or something else, happened for a reason and that reason may be to share it with others so that they realise they are not alone and it does get better! I know that for me my story has helped others because I have been put in those stormy times for a purpose and at the moment it is to help be the lighthouse for the people on the boats that need direction to safety. I can finally give advice to all the people who need it and help encourage others to keep going. 

For bullying, if we just stood as one and helped others we would become a generation of new-comers. New-comers being those that bring in the light through the darkness and hope for the future. If you ever see anyone struggling, and in need of help because they’re being bullied, go talk to them and help them because I know that if someone had given me the advice I needed I would’ve been able to move away from that situation with a lot more confidence in myself and have a much more positive outlook on myself and others. My challenge from me to you is to stand up for yourselves and others because the monster looks perceiving, it isn’t at all big and scary and strong - it looks intimidating yes but remember your weaknesses are weak themselves so by boosting those strengths you can fire them and knock that bad boy down. 

Stay strong mi amigos, the darkness doesn’t sit and wait forever (it gets impatient - trust me). The light will come. Meanwhile just sit back and hold on tight for the greatest life lessons you will ever encounter because those life lessons will be what makes you stronger and greater and much more powerful. Don’t underestimate your strengths because you are mightier than any negativity, labels, illnesses, struggles and tribulations. BELIEVE IN YOURSELF whatever the situation.

(I am really sorry that I veered off topic at points :D)

Bhai Felicia and have a magical wonderful day mi guerrera :) <3