#of having to balance being your own person

[ajmakoko]

That's because your thoughts have a real, physical basis and hyperfixation is a special circumstance

If your brain was a town, then making new thoughts and connections would be like adding in roads, pipes, plumbing, and housing in an area. Making a new road is slow and hard, but once the road and city scaffolding is in, as long as there are supplies (neurochemicals) then you can keep building, much faster and easier than when you were putting in the road. Some areas of a city pretty already much have everything ready to go (having been built years ago) and just need large amounts of the right supplies (eg don't need pipes anymore but might need wood, glass, cement, etc). Once that happens, the hyperfixation occurs and everything gets built and put into place. Eventually we might look like that really dense city, Kowloon (doesn't exist anymore).

So yes, over time you can indeed be disciplined enough theoretically to create your own hyperfixations (personally I do not believe much in doing this). That feeling of "ugh," then an excuse to dismiss or ignore the information - that's your brain admitting it doesn't have the infrastructure or supplies to make those connections. You just have to keep at it gradually to help your brain start supplying and developing that area. Sometimes people will feel a rush of histamine (scratchy, often grouchy), a neurochemical responsible for both learning and allergies and wakefulness - and the body might balance it out with adrenaline (anxiety, excitement). Often people will attribute these feelings as meaning something beyond a brain's need for hormones, eg "I'm feeling anxious therefore that means I'm stupid and I'll learn this." That isn't true - you're learning it right then by having those feelings. But breaks are also good.

Of course, brains are neuroplastic! Stuff can change and move. But there is a real physical cost to changing your mind.

Personally, I think being undisciplined is okay. I never liked chemistry but I liked medicine- now I know a lot about chemistry through the scaffolding I had already built from medical knowledge, which was way easier for my brain than trying to build a whole other area of the city for it.y brain was saying, "hey, this is a lot of effort here!" And eventually found a more efficient way to store that information.

it's so wild to me that you absolutely cannot force a hyperfixation to happen. like you'll watch the most perfectly tailor-made-for-you content that everyone says you'll love and feel absolutely nothing, and then the thing you watch on a whim to fill time will reach through the screen and put its damn fingers in your brain and start rearranging the neurons right in front of you and every single time you're like THIS??? THIS??????? and this happens like every 6-12 months forever

[astrojulia]

Moon in the Houses: How Your Emotional Needs Shape Your Love Life

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Moon in the 1st House

Your emotions are front and center in your love life. You’re super open about your feelings, which makes it easy to connect with your partner. But watch out—your emotional transparency can also make you a little vulnerable. You might react intensely to things, which can shake up the relationship. You’re all about emotional security and need a partner who gets you on a deep level. You’re not clingy, but you do want someone who can nurture your emotional side. Just be careful not to get too attached or let fears of abandonment creep in. Oh, and you’ve got a protective streak! You love taking care of your partner, but don’t forget to take care of yourself too. Balance is key.

Moon in the 2nd House

You’re all about stability and security in love. You want a partner who makes you feel safe and supported, both emotionally and materially. But don’t confuse emotional connection with material stuff—true love isn’t about what you own. You’re super loyal and value relationships that reflect your personal beliefs. Just be careful not to set sky-high expectations—it’s easy to get disappointed if your partner doesn’t meet them. You show love through actions, like giving gifts or creating a cozy vibe. Just make sure your partner’s on the same page, or it could lead to misunderstandings.

Moon in the 3rd House

Communication is everything in your relationships. You’re drawn to partners who can hold a deep conversation and really get you. But don’t mistake small talk for a real connection—you need more than that. You’re great at expressing your feelings through words, but don’t overdo it. Sometimes, just being present is enough. And remember, listening is just as important as talking. You might also find love in your social circle or through shared interests. Just don’t let outside opinions sway your feelings—trust your own heart.

Moon in the 4th House

You’re all about emotional security and creating a cozy, loving home. You want a partner who shares your values and makes you feel safe. But don’t get so caught up in creating the “perfect” home that you forget to let the relationship grow. Your past and family play a big role in your love life, and you might feel most comfortable with someone who understands your roots. Just don’t let old patterns hold you back—it’s okay to grow and change. You’re a natural caregiver, but don’t lose yourself in taking care of your partner. Make sure your own needs are met too.

Moon in the 5th House

You’re all about fun, passion, and creativity in love. You want a relationship that feels like an adventure, full of joy and excitement. But don’t let the thrill of new experiences keep you from building something deeper. You’re playful and romantic, and you love partners who can keep up with your energy. Just be careful not to avoid commitment—sometimes, love takes work. You show love through creative gestures and surprises! But make sure your partner values your emotional side too.

Moon in the 6th House

You find emotional stability in the little things—daily routines, shared habits, and taking care of each other. You’re all about creating a balanced, harmonious relationship. But don’t get so caught up in the details that you lose sight of the big picture. You’re a natural caregiver, and you love making your partner feel supported. Just don’t forget to take care of yourself too. Relationships are about give and take. And hey, don’t stress too much about perfection. Love isn’t about having everything figured out—it’s about connection.

Moon in the 7th House

Relationships are everything to you. You crave emotional security and harmony with your partner. But be careful—this can sometimes lead to dependency or insecurity if things aren’t going well. You’re drawn to partners who make you feel understood and accepted. But don’t let your need for connection make you ignore your own needs. A healthy relationship is about balance. Commitment is your thing, and you feel most secure in a serious relationship. Just make sure you’re not losing yourself in the process.

Moon in the 8th House

You’re all about deep, intense connections. You want a love that’s transformative and soul-deep. But this intensity can sometimes lead to possessiveness or jealousy if you’re not careful. You’re not afraid of emotional challenges—in fact, you thrive on them. But don’t let past issues weigh you down. Use them as opportunities to grow and heal. You’ve got killer intuition when it comes to your partner’s emotions. Just don’t let their feelings overshadow your own. Balance is everything.

Moon in the 9th House

You’re all about growth and exploration in love. You want a partner who shares your thirst for knowledge and adventure. But don’t let your love of new experiences keep you from building something lasting. You’re drawn to people who share your beliefs and values, which can create a strong foundation. But be open to differences—they can make your relationship even stronger. Travel and new experiences are your love language. Just make sure you’re not always chasing the next big thing—sometimes, love is about staying still and growing together.

Moon in the 10th House

Your emotions are tied to your ambitions and career. You want a partner who supports your goals and understands your drive. But don’t let your career take over your love life—balance is key. You might be attracted to successful, ambitious people, which can inspire you. But don’t compare yourself to your partner—you’re amazing just as you are. And hey, don’t forget to let your guard down sometimes. Love isn’t about achievements—it’s about connection.

Moon in the 11th House

Friendships and social connections are super important in your love life. You want a partner who’s also your best friend. But don’t let your need for connection keep you from building emotional intimacy. You value freedom and independence in relationships, which is great! Just make sure your partner understands your need for space. You’re drawn to people who share your passions and ideals. But don’t forget to carve out time for just the two of you—love needs nurturing too.

Moon in the 12th House

You’ve got a deep, complex emotional world. You might struggle to express your feelings openly, which can make your partner feel a little lost. But your intuition is chef’s kiss—you just get people. You’re drawn to deep, spiritual connections and might dream of an idealized love. But don’t let your fantasies keep you from building something real. You need time alone to recharge, which is totally okay. Just make sure you’re also making space for intimacy with your partner.

(CC) AstroJulia Some Rights Reserved

[amoressb]

───── TWO IDIOTS IN LOVE 西村 力 N. RK

ꪆৎ ⋆˚࿔ just two best friends being oblivious to their love for each other ｡｡ bestfriend!riki x reader . fluff & wc. 1.0k ; kissing, skinship ｡｡

──── ARCHiVE

riki and you had been best friends since middle school. the type of best friends who communicated through facial expressions alone, who texted each other memes at three in the morning, and who had an entire language of inside jokes no one else could understand. you two bickered like an old married couple, stole food off each other’s plates without permission, and shared your wildest dreams without hesitation.

too bad you two were completely oblivious to the fact that you were in love with each other. so when riki surprised you with tickets to universal studios, you had tackled him in a hug, nearly knocking him over.

“you are officially my favorite person ever,” you declared, eyes sparkling. “i better be, these tickets were not cheap,” riki joked, though he looked pretty pleased with himself.

the moment you two stepped into the park, the chaos began. both running from ride to ride like little kids, shoving each other playfully as you two argued over what to do next. you screamed the loudest on roller coasters (riki swore you shattered his eardrum on jurassic world), while riki attempted to set a new personal record for how many butterbeer flavored treats a person could consume in one day.

“are you sure you should be eating another one?” you asked, raising an eyebrow as riki took a huge bite of a butterbeer flavored churro.

riki waved you off, “please, my stomach is built for this.”

not even an hour later, he was groaning on a bench, his head in your lap as you laughed mercilessly at his misery.

“laugh it up,” he grumbled. “oh, i will,” you teased, poking his cheek. “this is what you get for underestimating butterbeer.”

by nightfall, you two finally made your way to super nintendo world. the moment you stepped in, both of you were hit with an overwhelming sense of nostalgia. the neon lit mushroom kingdom surrounded you and riki, the familiar game music playing softly in the background.

“riki.” you grabbed his arm, shaking him with excitement. “we’re in mario land!”

“i know,” riki grinned. “this is literally my childhood dream come true!”

“okay, we have to go on mario kart : bowsers challenge,” you said, practically vibrating with excitement.

“oh, absolutely,” riki agreed. “and i’m so ready to destroy you.”

“in your dreams, loser.”

as soon as you got into your karts, the competition began. you threw yourselves into the ride, dodging banana peels, throwing shells, and laughing way too hard when one of you got hit. by the time you two stumbled off, breathless and giddy, you and him were still arguing about who had won.

“i definitely won,” you declared.

“you literally lost at the finish line,” riki shot back. “just accept that i’m superior.”

“please yeah right—” you groaned and shoved his shoulder.

it was supposed to be playful, but riki, being the clumsy guy that he was, lost his balance. instinctively, he grabbed onto your wrist, but that just made you stumble too and suddenly—you two crashed into each other.

your faces were way too close.

neither of you moved. you could feel rikis breath against your lips and you were very aware of the fact that your hands were gripping his hoodie while his fingers were curled around your wrist.

everything around you—the neon lights, the distant game music, the sound of other people laughing—blurred into the background. the only thing that existed in that moment was him.

and then riki, looking dazed and definitely not thinking straight, mumbled, “if i kissed you right now, would that be really stupid or only kind of stupid?”

your brain short circuited. “wh—” you opened your mouth, but no words came out. “did you just—”

riki blinked, his own words catching up to him. his face immediately turned bright red. “i—i didn’t mean to say that out loud,” he stammered.

you stared at him, your heart pounding. the worst part? you didn’t hate the idea. in fact, it was like something clicked in your brain—all the teasing, all the lingering touches, all the everything suddenly made sense.

“oh my gosh,” you whispered. “what?” riki asked nervously.

“i’m in love with you.” the words slipped out before you could stop them and as soon as you said them, your eyes went wide. “oh no.”

“oh no?” riki repeated, staring at you. “why oh no?”

“because..” you groaned, covering your face. “because now i can’t pretend i don’t have feelings for you and now our friendship is going to be so weird, and i—”

“y/n.”

you peeked through your fingers. riki was staring at you, wide eyed, looking like you had just revealed the greatest secret in the universe and then…he grinned.

“you love me,” he repeated, and he sounded way too smug about it. you scowled, “shut up.”

“no, this is amazing,” riki said, his grin widening. “because guess what?”

“what.”

“i’m also in love with you.”

you blinked. “wait…what?”

“you heard me,” riki said, rocking back on his heels. “i love you. i have probably always loved you and if we weren’t in the middle of mario land, i would definitely be kissing you right now.” you gaped at him, “we’re in mario land, riki.”

“i know,” he smirked. “which is why i’m gonna kiss you right here and make it the most iconic confession in history.”

you barely had time to react before riki leaned in, his hand cupping your cheek as he kissed you—warm, soft, and so so long overdue. eventually you melted into him, your hands fisting his hoodie.

when you pulled apart, your face was on fire. “that was—”

“amazing?” riki grinned. “i was gonna say stupid, but sure.” riki laughed, wrapping an arm around your shoulders. “you totally lost mario kart, by the way.” you groaned, “you’re lucky i love you.”

“yeah you do” he smiled. you rolled your eyes playfully with a smile as you lean into his arms, head sort of resting on his shoulder/chest, his hand that was around your shoulder intertwined with your right hand.

and just like that, two oblivious idiots in love finally got their happy ending…at mario land, of all places.

⋆｡°✩ @miukidoll @liwinly @sugarikiz

[bubbleddisasters]

Guess whos back on their Che’nya theory shit again. Me.

Also some of this is just me going on about random and absolute far stretched shit, but hopefully the majority makes sense to y’all.

I’m about to sound batshit insane and this is going to be some MatPat sounding shit but here we go anyway.

WARNING‼️⚠️ MAJOR BOOK 7 SPOILERS AHEAD. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.

———————

I just made the realization that Che’nyas UM and already natural abilities we’ve seen puts him in a position to be deadass playing the Floor is Lava with Malleus as the lava rn.

They wouldn’t have told us his UM in the main story if it didn’t matter somehow. They had the opportunity to show us Neiges in Rooks dream, yet didn’t, so it isn’t a heres RSA UMs for for shits and giggles thing, and we don’t know ANY of the teachers UMs, so it isn’t a “filling npc” thing either.

In EVENTS, we learn the UMs of only the very important and/or dangerous characters. Rollo, Skully, and Fellow. (Geez, Halloween trio now that I think of it).

Do we know Dylia Spades? No. Do we know Eric Schronheits? No. Do we know Ambrose the 3rds? No. Do we know Elizas? No, we get slapped. Do we know Najima Vipers? No. (She might not have one yet tho but still).

These characters are all confirmed as mages, or not directly said to be magicless, so it’s fair to assume they are mages.

So they told us Che’nyas UM for a reason. Why?

Like if his UM makes him invulnerable to magic/attack and invisible, and straight up on ANOTHER PLANE OF EXISTENCE, then if he’s not technically “all there”, Malleus wouldn’t be able to sense him.

Plus, this would explain how Orthos body was floating on the water when STYX found it, as when we know Orthos HEAVY AF, and would more than likely sink, since I doubt they had the time to build in something inflatable enough to balance that weight.

To boot, Ortho was at the docks, which from the map, is super close to RSA.

For reference:

(Both normally and under Mals spell)

The Cheshire Cat is the one who gets Alice out of Wonderland (In the movie, the tunnel Alice runs through matches the Cheshire cats color and stripes + He’s the only one not chasing her+ in the OG book, the Cheshire Cat is more of a Guide and the only one who really sticks with and helps Alice for the whole shabang), and if he’s in RSA, then I think the writers know that.

Aswell as the fact Che’nya appears in both Books with “Tyrant” in the name, and the Cheshire Cat is the only person completely immune to the Queen of Hearts control, as the second most powerful being in wonderland next to LITERALLY TIME ITSELF.

Look in most Disney Villain Line-Ups, and you’ll find the Cheshire Cat. Why? Marketing, the Cheshire Cats a popular character that isn’t directly portrayed as a hero, and more as a mysterious reoccurring character that isn’t necessarily seen as a helper unless you squint.

Additionally, we’ve seen Che’nya use flight, self gravity control, teleportation(unconfirmed but implied on that one) and use his UM for extremely long periods of time, and now that I think of it, we’ve never seen it wear him down, even without the lack of a magestone on his design.

And anyway, in the manga, he’s been doing such things since before we meet him for the first time at age 8-9 from Rids perspective.

Which means long enough that he basically has full control over it at that age, so probably either since birth or very, very young.

Which gives us the know that unlocked his UM way before meeting Riddle and mastered it, which means likely as a literal toddler woke up one day and went “Hey what if I just fucked off to another plane of existence and became both invisible and invulnerable, while capable of movement and communication on this plane the whole time.”

Now back to Book 7.

So heres what caught my attention, Silver mentions the only people he can pop into the dreams of are people he has connections with.

Seeing as we get Sebek first crack out of the box, and then Lilia, this makes sense.

However, it falls off when the next people start to be people Silver either doesn’t know, or very loosely knows.

Yes, I understand the commercial and writing point is meant to be a dorm countdown, but it would make far more sense to be a Russian Roulette, kind of upping the anticipation of whos next.

But to me, with what we know of Silvers connections, it would make far more sense to have the second years be first after Dia, then maybe the third years that he knows because of Lilia, and finally the first years, still leaving room for Ace to get his UM towards the very end.

Now if we drive this back to my Che’nya playing Yuu’s guardian angel theory, it would make more sense to start with Pomfieore after Igi, because not only is it recent connections, so probably easier to bring to the forefront of Silvers UM, it gives him time to get up to NRC right after pushing Ortho or simply getting him out safely.

Before you mention malleus’s barrier, Che’nya gets past NRCs barrier that took STYX heavy power shots to break like its every other tuesday, without Crowleys notice aswell, he stands a viable chance of slipping past Malleus’s.

If he can jump to another plane of existence in which he is invulnerable to magic, theres nothing stopping him from sliding past to get Ortho out and slipping back in under Malleus’s nose.

It also gives him a good “oh shit” moment and an idea of the root of whats happening.

And if I’m wrong and he can’t teleport, he can latch on to Malleus (possibly referencing the Cheshire Cat latching onto the Queens back after she gets a card solider executed I think) to teleport with him back to NRC.

With that, he could be preventing Silver OBing by basically shattering the shade/phantom before it can even do anything, while also hiding Idia being awake. That, or basically lending Silver magic enough to keep going while praying to god Mal doesn’t notice.

Lilia playing the worlds most dangerous game of tag with Mal in dreamland gives him the distraction he needs for this aswell, and it could be that everything went to shit around Trey-Riddles Dreams, and Che’nya popped in to speed up the process and or Dream Che’nyas revealing his UM kinda got his ass caught by Mal, or caused Mal to finally detect a disturbance in the force.

So if I’m right with the previously theorized Guardian Angel thing, Che’nya could be hotwiring Silvers UM to send Silver and co to the people he remembers helped Yuu and the rest recently without risking Malleus putting two and two together on who could be fucking with the dreams other than Silver, depending on how he was portrayed in Trey and Rids Dreams.

Though it would be hilarious if with the Floor is Lavaing it he was also Night at the Musueming it and just repeatedly moved each dreamer closer to Silver physically so they’d have a physical connection (like pinky to pinky or head to head) and basically had Malleus doing a eyebrow raise everytime he turned around trying to figure out if that person had been moved or he was seeing things until he realized there was an exponentially large group around Silver that definitely wasn’t there before.

Another thing: We know the Three Good Fairies weren’t affected by Maleficent’s curse and are the ones to untie Philip when he’s caught and give him the Sword and Shield, which his has, and loses all but the sword in the fight against Maleficent, the Sword and Shield which in the Og twst Trailer that scene is likely referenced by Silver as the Sword (duh) and Sebek as the Shield, with Lilia where Philip would be, although his arm is raised higher.

You kinda have to flip Sebek and Silvers positions but yea.

Sebek being Virtue is self explanatory. He strives to have the virtue of a knight worth of Malleus, and shows this in many ways, but his faults are his rudeness, arrogance, biased or generally rude assumptions, and overexaggertion, stemming from his own internilzed racism (or speciesism? I guess?) , which lead many others to not want to be around him, deflecting the truth of his heritage as to not focus on his own insecurities like a shield to an attack, no matter who its from, in a way.

Now that he has begun to bond and not be as rude to the rest of the non fae cast however, he ends up passing out? Like how a shield seemingly has no use if its not defending, unless you get real creative with it (Its Reyn time I mean who said that)

Silver balances this out as truth, as he is someone we see is honest to almost no fault. His UM also shows truth, in its own way, by showing the truth of the desires of those around him. However, a truth has also been held directly from him, aka the truth of his birth, and the undeniable truth that to break the curse upon him, Lilia did have to truly love him, even as the child of his friends killer.

So he is both benefited and harmed by truth, just like how the same sword can both protect and kill, it just depends on who wields it.

Anyway, back to the point at hand, Now that Malleus seemingly has the time to go and pull a FNAF 4 at Idias door, the odds are Lilia may have somehow gotten caught or restrained (like Phillip is) for enough time to have Malleus notice the Shrouds are pulling shenanigans on his private dream servers and feel the need to go confirm this.

The way in the movie the Three Good Fairies are caught hiding Aurora by Maleficent in the first place is by getting too cocky on the day before Aurora’s B-day and using magic like crazy, fixing up and making their “gifts” much better, as they didn’t know how to create them without magic.

These gifts? A Cake by the GREEN fairy, the calmest and most mature of the three: Fauna, and a Dress, which the RED AND BLUE FAIRIES Merryweather (the most rebellious yet sensical) and Flora (the leader, most work focused and overconfident) keep fighting over which color it should be, Pink or Blue.

(I rewatched their scenes and I forgot how much of a fucking MVP Merryweather was, everyone else turning things into rainbows, bubbles and flowers while my girl was out here burning chains, hunting down snitches, turning her mfking ops to stone and had to be physically held back from throwing hands with Maleficent by herself, god bless this tiny blue diva)

Fauna can obviously be placed as Trey here. Calmest, a Cake, Green. Done.

You can combine Flora and Merryweather into the two sides of Riddles Dream, the first being very punk yet sensical lifestyle, the blue, bringing in the sadness of what he desired yet cannot have, and the second half being Flora, the extremes of overconfident and tyrannical leadership, the red of rage, to say.

Red and Blue obv equal Purple, Che’nyas signature color, probably because purple isn’t actually a fucking color. I’m not going to explain the history of purple, but there is not such thing as purple in science, only shades of violet.

Speaking of Pomfieore, the first non dia dreamer group we see, is VIOLET. I said it. (Octavielle is Lavender, so no, not directly purple) Bright Red is Heartstabyl. (Scarabia is Maroon, which is a shade of red, but again, not directly bright red)

Now what I’m going on about here is this: If In the dreams, each dreamers NPC versions of their friends strictly abides by what the dreamer desires them to, how did dream Che’nya not only transfer to both parts of Riddles dream, but also go directly AGAINST the dream and the dreamer?

The dream versions of the others cannot, under any circumstances, break the character the dreamer creates without breaking the dream itself.

We see this in Lilias dream, in Treys, and Deuces. The Senate, Cater and Ace respectively breach the line of what is and isn’t in character for them in the dreamers memory to hold the dreamer within the dream, causing their respective dreamer to wake up sheerly due to the stark contrast.

These characters will go to lengths to keep the dreamer asleep, so how is it that this dream version of Che’nya can do the exact opposite?

And in Treys dream, Che’nya is the only one not practically turned into Eric Cartman variants, which given the fact Cater, certified sweets hater, has too, means that Che’nya, certified sweets stealer, somehow dodged that bullet in Treys subconscious, which breaks the rules set by the dream.

These rules are delicate, seemingly. It takes one too out of character word, one too out of character action to knock the dreamer awake.

So either Trey sees Che’nya as having the self control of a monk (a small scene in manga implies Che’nya steals from the Clovers fridge so often Treys own damn siblings hear the fridge open and assume its him and not their own damn brother, so I doubt that he’d think that) or Che’nya can bypass these rules.

Many of the dreams would have been so much easier if they could conveniently convince the dreamers friends to go up against them for their sake or just to simply help wake them up.

Of all people, the dream version of Ace fucking Trappola actually listening to and abiding by Riddles tyranny and not jumping at the opportunity to S.O.S to Leona, Yuu and co says enough about this as is.

Anyway, what I’m saying here is that Che’nya either got his ass caught, or finally managed to hotwire himself into Silvers UM conga line, which unfortunately left Idia now in Mals notice and Silver becoming more weary from excess UM use.

Just like how the good fairies thought they’d succeeded and jumped the gun with using magic a day early, Chen could have thought that since they made it this far, their clean until further notice, and is gonna feel the hit of it later.

As my phone is dying and I want a fucking nap, this has been Blues randomass rant about Che’nya again.

More at ???? Folks.

[somberarcangel]

Sadly they are probably thinking this so strongly, that you feel it. My lovely empath, life will be tougher if you keep letting their projections become your own. That’s their problem. They met you, they regret it because of their own personal issues and well…this shit comes out.

My husband and I had a disagreement last night. I was being a brat and projecting things. It upset everything and the balance was pretty fucked. But they gently walked me through it and filled me with a love I’ve never known.

Not all people can have that, it’s harder to find it without help. Join a community so you can work in the vibes of other people. Vibrations are so fun when they are in tune. Go for a walk. No one needs to be there, just you. This is so you can see that you were worth meeting.

Sometimes i wish i never met you in the first place

[zzencat]

how you can be the light for your person when things are dark ⏳

🍀🌴THE RITUAL: Clear your mind. Time is now patient and still. Close your eyes, inhale deeply, fill your chest up to the fullest, feel the soft air brush up against the ridges of your nose. Breathe out.

When they get too lost, will you lead them back? These may seem like small struggles, but it has a huge impact on your person’s character and how they hold themselves back. (Some piles purposely do not have an “extras” section.)

Choose wisely. Applicable to future lover or spouse.

————————————

1 | “slow down” - chase atlantic

you’ll need to be that person that provides a sense of security for them. You’ll remind them why they do the things that they do and who they’re doing it for, what their purpose is in all of this

You’ll be someone who is extremely reliable, someone they can count on; to do this, you’ll need to be secured yourself, grounded, and discliplined, along with your own goals to chase in this lifetime. i also see you reaching out first to see why they’re struggling.

i also see you reaching out first because this person might show these negative signs subtly or through the bad qualities of leadership (i.e: if they’re a boss who doesn’t usually get mad at employees, but they suddenly do out of stress and having too much work.) your person doesn't want to appear weak and will push their feelings aside to move on. you’ll help them keep in check, just make sure to balance yourself as well. avoid going to extremes like being too hard on yourself or them.

you’re very nurturing and definitely CAN end up helping others more than yourself, so pls make sure to keep yourself in check. your person also needs to know that you’re okay.

i also think your person tends to be one who is assertive or one who could be in a position of command or higher power/authority than others, so they could be burnt out or frustrated

you’ll buy things for them (i.e: walking by a bakery and buying something for your person) or do acts of service. You might even take them out to eat or check up on their health, take them shopping. overall, spending your time with this person and making it known that you’ll be patient and that you’re someone they can open up to, if needed. also lots of earth energy in this pile or connection

as long as you make it clear that you are there for your person, they’ll feel safe and will appreciate it more than you know. (this also gives very heavy secretary vibes- ayyy shout out to the kdrama “what’s wrong with secretary Kim” hahaha)

your person might be discouraged because they start projects or gain things in areas that don’t really benefit them in the long run or won’t have anything to do with their future or alignment. your person is generally a fun, passionate person---it’s their spontaneity, zest for life, easy amusement for things that don’t matter that will get them down. remind them of their purpose and what they strive to be, the people they hope to inspire, and the hearts they want to move. tell them to slow down, to take it easy, and to not to take more pressure than they need.

———————————————

2 | “whips and chains excite me” (??)

one of you in the relationship needs to take care of their health more, hydrate often, and maybe declutter your living spaces a bit. i see that brushing these off could build up into something whack af over time. once on of you declutters your space or finds somewhere comfortable, yet clean and inspiring, it’ll help you declutter your mind as well.

i think your person is a bit of a loner or they’re not one to share their thoughts to anybody, no matter how innovative or creative they are, so communication is definitely important here. encourage them to come out of their shell more or talk to you. you’d be suprised how easy it is, despite a bit of hesitance and depending on how much trust in built in this relationship.

there’s a lotttttt of talking involved. you gotta take this person outside more!!! get them involved with life and all that it has to offer (pressure ‘em to go outside if needed- there is MEGA introvert energy here and it needs to be balanced out)

your person might deal with a lot of indeciveness, procrastination, confusion, and overthinking. they’re very open minded, weird (hopefully in a good way), unconventional, captivating, and naive. there’s a good sense of justice and fairness here. be creative with them and hype them up!! get to know them, be empathetic, EMOTIONALLY SUPPORTIVE, and hear em out.

extra bits n pieces: "stop living in the dark,” “get back into the real world,” def prominent air sign placements, BIG thinker, computer science, nerd, rihanna “s&m” lyrics, unconventional mind, might have adhd or some form of distracted thinking (but in a genius kind of way)

lil teddy note: i’ve never gotten so many major arcana cards in a spread (yo person is a totally different, complex kind of gem)

——————————————

3 | *splashes bucket of water on you*

your person might have prominent fire sign placements and they don’t know where to direct this energy and passion. They’ll need a bit of water energies around them to get them to chill out. they might struggle with ego, but that’s bc they’re scared and everything is unknown to them. it’s almost like this is their soul’s first life and they’re learning to navigate things. i think they can also be a bit too much, like too energetic, excited, or banter-y, maybe too competitive and wanting to win.

this is an odd suggestion but you may have to teach your person to get along with their friends or family (??) they could have difficulties getting along with them so you’ll have to show them how to be a friend. you’ll definitely show them how to express their love, feelings, and be vulnerable. it’s a bit hard, but a lot of these issues are because they have hella unused energy and they’re just excited to use it.

they want to love and be loved, but they don’t know how or where to start. your person also sounds very extroverted or an extrovert who’s very obviously hiding it because their passionate personalities haven’t been received well while growing up.

i also think your person is stubborn, strong willed, and determined. Definitely a guard/protector sort of person. they might be good at sports or physical activities. they seem very self assured but they might be hesitant in making some decisions bc they’ve always been pretty bad at timing (ie: like a corny joke at a bad time, but in a naive and innocent manner). they really have a knack for making their presence known unintentionally.

pile 3, i think yall have the ability to adapt to your person’s quirks, even if you might be shy of them at first. but you’ll help each other become comfortable with each other’s little traits. especially if there are aspects you don’t like of yourself or them with the same issue, you’ll help each other grow to love em and naturally accept yourselves as you are. I don’t think I need to advise you much; like water, you’ll shape and shift into what you’ll naturally become to support your partner. It’s really cute I like this energy

extra bits n pieces: charming, charismatic assholes, fun to be around, attention on them wherever they go, jock and shy nerd vibes, just misunderstood, puppy vibes

[starringmycoffee]

Different Ways Fusions Can Result

(This post is specifically about fusion in CDD systems. I am open to questions, but I am not open to people shaming others' chosen recovery paths. Keep that off this post, please!)

Integration is the process of breaking down dissociative barriers between alters. The alters fuse when they accept and integrate with each other to such a degree that they function as one. This can end up several different ways! I'd love to show you some, using my own system/alters to explain & conceptualize.

#1: The "New Guy" (with traits from both)

Jayden, a 17 year old verbal protector, and Glyph, an ageless dragon soother/protector, fused to make Marcus, who became our system's primary caretaker. The alters both balanced each other out, with Jayden's "chill unless pissed" mixing neatly with Glyph's strong need to keep things in order/safe to make one responsible, organized, and laid-back alter.

#2: The "Old Guy With An Update"

Gemini, our co-host, fused with a bunch of memory-holding fragments. Nothing fundamental about Gemini changed, but he did have access to more memories and some skills.

#3: The "New Guy" (that mostly seems like an old guy)

Echo, our nonhuman shadow being of a gatekeeper, fused with Zeke, an avenger and anger holder who was also the host of his subsystem. Echo kept the name Echo and mostly seems the same at first glance, but sometimes Zeke's bluntness and habitual swearing come through. Zeke has found a lot of peace and healing by fusing with Echo, and Echo gained the perspective of "hot" emotions.

#4: The "Lava Lamp"

Finn, a happiness/energy holder, and Jukebox, a trauma holder, fused to who became Jukebox 2.0. Sometimes, this new alter is a lot more like Finn or a lot more like Jukebox or a perfect mix of the two. The ratio varies and he is ever-shifting. Consistently, he loves dinosaurs, orange juice, and gummy bears.

Overall, fusion can look different for everybody, and it can even look different in the same system! Fusion is a very diverse experience.

While fusion is a good thing, sometimes people do need to grieve it, just like any other large change. That's okay and it doesn't make you a bad person, nor does it make you "anti-recovery". Big changes can be very hard.

In my opinion, the most important thing to keep in mind about fusion, for those who seek it, is being kind to yourself throughout the whole process.

Sometimes, fusions don't work out too well. Sometimes, two alters aren't a good match yet. Sometimes, it takes a few tries. Ultimately, it's up to you and your system how or if you go about it - there's no "wrong way". Just don't rush things, trust yourself, and take it easy. It'll all settle in the end, I promise!

[blade-liger-4ever]

How to Make the Two Boys of Team Prime Useful

Surprised to see this? So am I.

Most people by now know I hate Jack with a passion, and that I find Raf's existence completely forgettable. So, what prompted this thought exercise from yours truly?

Simple: a longstanding desire to see human characters written well without dragging the attention away from the titular Transformers we all tune in to watch.

So, how do we do it?

Switch the boys' partners around.

Hear me out.

Arcee "needs" someone to protect to give her purpose, yet she's saddled with a whiny sixteen year old who's already chafing under his mom's overprotective habits and wants to live his own life free of trampling by his peers. Bee is relegated to Wallflower Mimic and has nothing to offer but cute sounds and additional muscle, and is paired with the Baby Human so that all age groups can "relate" to the show and characters. Ignoring the annoying thought that we need humans of all ages to connect with the giant robots we long to be friends with, this would allow more genuine character growth and prove both human males' and Bee's usefulness to the plot.

Consider with me for a moment: A slightly older Raf stumbles across Arcee and somehow gets involved with the 'Bots and 'Cons, maybe by pretending to ride her like he sees his older brother doing with his bike. Meanwhile, at that precise moment, Jack dives into Bee's alt-mode in order to hide from Vince for getting his order wrong, or something of the like.

Then, when the dust's settled and things begin to proceed like in the show, Arcee finds herself partnered with a child who can barely fill out his shoes. She's annoyed, throwing snits left right and center, but Raf puts up with it. He neither rolls over for her nor snaps back. Instead, he asks questions: what was your world like, did you have friends on Cybertron, do Cybertronians have families like humans do, etc. And all of a sudden, Arcee finds her prickly demeanor slowly ebbing away as she has someone who wants to listen and learn about what her life was like, and this in time motivates her to become genuinely motherly while still kicking serious aft.

Similarly, Jack is having a tantrum over "getting involved" with a space war, and Miko just rolls her eyes while going a mile a minute with slow 'n' steady Bulkhead. Bee - perhaps this time possessing a voice, but missing an eye and having an unusual, sickly green replacement - just lets him vent while poking around the town going "what's this", "what's that do", and "will I explode if I eat this rock" (poor examples, but he asks questions about mundane Earth things.) Slowly but surely they bond over this, and when Jack realizes he's been assigned a twelve year old Autobot, things get interesting when he takes on an actual older brother role before Bee uses that to bring out Jack's suppressed inner child.

Boom. Meaningful and memorable dynamics.

The reason for the switch is to actually play off of the "yin-yang" we had with Miko and Bulkhead. It's all about balancing characters' personalities and the time for each individual character without slipping in favor of the humans. This would benefit Raf, Bee, and Jack, and kick Arcee into legitimate Character Development.

Furthermore, Arcee's mama bear instincts would be given credence when Airachnid returns, as there's no way Raf can actually keep himself safe from her. Thus, her protective nature has vindication without being hypocritical (i.e. the first five episodes and the numerous revenge arcs.)

However, Bee is not without his own archenemy.

Shadowstriker.

You can keep his voice box being ripped out courtesy of this ex-assassin, but Ratchet is able to repair it (Hasbro has only enough room for one butt-kicking mute and that's Snake Eyes). But Shadowstriker, in her burning rage, doesn't stop there.

She tracks him down after Tyger Pax on an all-consuming quest for revenge, her offlining of Autobot spec-op officers being the only reason Megatron hasn't cut ties with her/killed her himself. She finds Bee, stalks his movements, and when the time is right, attacks. Despite her morbid disunity with her new body, Shadowstriker still proves dangerous in her combat capabilities...including almost killing Bee after stabbing him through the eye with her energy blade.

It's only through the timely intervention of Prowl that Bee lives long enough to be brought back to medbay. Ratchet curses and swears as he repairs the scout, but there's so little in spare replacements that he has to resort to a Mercenary's optic to keep Bee active. Though never the same from his traumatic near-murder, Bee accepts this and struggles to keep up with the team, his new eye providing him with a super scanner that can see in the electromagnetic spectrum.

If you want - and feel free to use this in your own takes - have Bee and Jack out on a field trip when Shadowstriker tracks him down for another rematch on Earth. Let Bee be absolutely terrified and livid. Let him make mistakes and nearly get killed a few times, while Jack has to grow a spine and distract Shadowstriker and play the mole in Whack-A-Mole until Bee can recover/backup can arrive. This way, both have more to do and actually contribute to the story.

As Optimus here can tell you, this was an unexpected infodump about my least favorite parts of the show. However, despite that, I feel much better, as some of these ideas have rattled around in my head for a while.

I hope you like it, and that you find it useful.

"Transform, and roll out!"

[premiumbitch]

THINGS TO MANIFEST - PRICILLA PRESLEY THEMED PACK ! ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡

hi luvs! I decided I'd make this pricilla presley themed pack for the lovely person who requested it (@cinnamoncilla) and for people who want to manifest themselves to be a completely different person, someone they will feel confident to be! also for the amazing shifters who can script this about themselves! enjoy :)

⋆⛧┈┈┈┈﹤୨♡୧﹥ ┈┈┈┈⛧⋆

BEAUTY ♡ //

Your beauty is delicate yet intoxicating, a perfect balance of innocence and allure, like something out of a rock 'n' roll fairytale.

Your hair is always voluminous, cascading in luxurious waves or styled in an effortlessly glamorous bouffant.

Your eyes hold a soft, doe-like charm, lined in the perfect flick of black that enhances their hypnotic depth.

Your skin is porcelain, glowing like a spotlight is always on you, untouched by time, as if you’ve stepped straight out of Graceland’s golden years.

Your lips are full and pouty, the perfect shade of pink or red, inviting yet unattainable, kissed by the 60s itself.

Your beauty is timeless, effortlessly classic, never chasing trends—because trends chase you.

You have a naturally soft, feminine allure, the kind that makes people stop and stare without even knowing why.

Your makeup is flawless yet never overdone—just the right amount of drama to captivate, yet enough softness to leave them wondering.

Every outfit you wear is carefully chosen, exuding sophistication, grace, and a touch of rebellion, as if you were born to be adored.

You don’t just turn heads—you make people nostalgic for an era they never even lived in.

AURA ♡ //

You carry the aura of a woman who belongs to a love story written in velvet and vinyl, a romance immortalized in history.

Being around you feels like listening to a slow Elvis ballad on a summer night, filled with longing and magic.

Your presence is enchanting—soft yet powerful, with an undeniable mystique that lingers long after you’ve left.

You have the energy of a 1960s icon, the kind of woman who is both admired and protected, adored yet untouchable.

You don’t demand attention; it simply follows you, as if the world knows you were meant to be admired.

Your aura is wrapped in silk, pearls, and perfume—a mix of elegance and quiet strength that captivates everyone around you.

There is a gentleness to you, but also a quiet power—like a woman who knows her worth and will never settle for less.

You radiate a warmth that makes people feel safe, yet there is an undeniable air of mystery that keeps them intrigued.

Your energy feels like candlelight in a grand mansion—soft, flickering, impossible to ignore.

You are the embodiment of femininity, romance, and grace, a woman who was never meant to be ordinary.

SMARTS ♡ //

You are far more than just a pretty face—you are intelligent, thoughtful, and deeply perceptive, always aware of the world around you.

You know how to read people effortlessly, sensing their intentions before they even speak.

You have mastered the art of quiet strength, proving that grace and intelligence will always outshine arrogance.

You are deeply intuitive, knowing when to speak and when to listen, when to stand your ground and when to walk away.

You carry yourself with wisdom beyond your years, understanding that true beauty comes from within.

You are an observer, a thinker—never rushing into anything, always assessing before making your move.

You have a natural charm that allows you to navigate any social setting effortlessly, knowing exactly how to present yourself.

You understand that real power isn’t about being the loudest in the room—it’s about knowing when to be silent and let others wonder.

You embrace both vulnerability and strength, knowing that intelligence is as much about emotional depth as it is about logic.

You are not just admired for your beauty—you are respected for your mind, for your ability to think, adapt, and create your own destiny.

PERSONALITY ♡ //

You are a blend of sweetness and strength, a woman who is both delicate and unbreakable.

You carry yourself with grace, always composed, never letting the world see you falter.

You are fiercely loyal to those you love, willing to stand by them through anything, yet never afraid to walk away when you deserve better.

You have a quiet confidence that speaks louder than words, a presence that commands attention without ever having to demand it.

You are deeply romantic, believing in grand gestures, in love letters, in the kind of love that lasts a lifetime.

You have a soft heart but strong boundaries, knowing that being kind doesn’t mean being weak.

You are a dreamer, someone who believes in fate, in destiny, in the magic of the universe.

You are elegant but never arrogant, aware of your beauty but never boastful, always carrying yourself with class.

You are the woman people write songs about, the kind of love they never forget, the memory that lingers forever.

You are, and will always be, an icon—a woman whose presence is timeless, whose story will never fade.

hope you guys enjoyed! requests are appreciated! lmk if you want anything! <3

[yourgfdgirlfriend]

Hold up there are toxic toothpastes?

Yes, there is sweetheart. I will elaborate, but I’m totally going to nerd out, so proceed at your own volition. I am currently politically pissed (for reference look at: world), so be prepared for loads of facts and a political rant. What toothpaste has to do with politics you ask? Come with me down the rabbit hole to find out. This will be loong. You have been warned. 💋

Some toothpastes contain Triclosan and certain Parabens. They’re so called ‘endocrine disruptors’, meaning they can interfere with your hormonal system. Triclosan can mess with your thyroid and Parabens can have estrogen-like effects. Some studies suggest links to fertility issues, developmental disorders, and an increased risk of hormone-related cancers. There is evidence that these chemicals can disrupt the oral and gut microbiome.

Furthermore Triclosan is difficult to break down and can harm aquatic life.

Some experts claim that the amount in toothpaste is so small that the risk is low and the absorption minimal and therefore insignificant. Long term negative effects have not been proven, but that’s mostly due to lack of long term studies for now.

EDs as health risks are not entirely new, but awareness and research on their impacts have significantly increased in recent decades.

Some EDs, like phthalates, bisphenol A (BPA), and DDT, have been used since the early 20th century. Their potential hormonal effects were first noted in the mid-20th century, but widespread concern only grew in the 1990s and 2000s.

Research has expanded, showing links between ED exposure and fertility issues, metabolic disorders, developmental problems, and even certain cancers. Regulations have tightened in some regions, but EDs are still widespread in plastics, personal care products, and even food.

Endocrine disruptors are not always classified as toxic in the traditional sense, but they can have harmful effects even at low doses. The problem is that toxicity is usually defined by dose-dependent effects, while EDs can interfere with the hormonal system over time even at minimal exposure.

Some EDs, like bisphenol A (BPA) and certain phthalates, have been restricted or banned in various countries due to their potential health risks.

Unlike acutely toxic substances (e.g., cyanide), EDs do not kill cells immediately but instead disrupt hormonal balance, which can lead to fertility problems, metabolic disorders, developmental issues, and cancer over time.

Some experts argue for stricter classifications of EDs as hazardous, while others believe the current exposure levels are too low to cause significant harm. By now lots of brands have stopped using Triclosan of their own volition and the EU has established an upper limit for new products from 2024 onwards, but it's not entirely banned except in toothpaste for kids under three. Certain brands still contain it.

Cue - Microplastics.

Microplastics and EDs are connected to some extent, and both can be found in personal care products, including toothpaste.

Microplastics can absorb and release endocrine-disrupting chemicals, including phthalates, bisphenols, and persistent organic pollutants (POPs). They are carriers. When microplastics are ingested or inhaled, they may act as a delivery system for EDs into the body.

Plastics have been widely produced since the 1950s, but microplastics (particles <5mm) became a recognized environmental pollutant in the early 2000s. The first significant studies on their presence in water and food appeared in the 2010s.

As of today microplastics have been found in human blood, lungs, and even the placenta. While their exact health effects are still being studied, concerns include inflammation, toxicity from associated chemicals, and potential long-term bioaccumulation.

Many countries, including the U.S. and EU, have banned Microplastics in some variations now; for example micro-beads in toothpaste and in rinse-off cosmetics, but some toothpaste brands might still contain plastic-based ingredients (e.g., acrylates, polyethylene-based compounds.

Both microplastics and EDs have existed for decades, but their risks to human health are gaining more attention now due to better detection methods, increased exposure, and growing evidence of long-term harm.

So, as of now, there are no long term studies on it being definitely harmful, simply because it hasn’t created enough bodies yet.

Similar to how doctors would recommend smoking in the 1950 to early 1960 in Europe and the US, because it’s gut healthy, good for a sore throat and would help with losing weight.

The first studies on smoking being deadly and related to lung cancer etc. appeared in the 1950s already, but it took decades to become widespread knowledge and to be taken seriously.

It was only in the 70s that doctors stopped being in commercials and for smoking commercials to be regulated at all. Only in the 1980s smoking was globally recognised as bad and anti smoking campaigns started. But until that happened hundreds of millions of people died.

If we look at that example it’s quite easy to make a simple connection: Even if we know that something is bad for human health it won’t get taken seriously on a global level until there is an unavoidable public outcry. We’re talking about a multiple hundred billion dollar industry after all. Regullations tend to only happen, if there is public pressure forcing it.

A little not officially toxic toothpaste is not gonna kill you immediately after all. It will just slowly suck the life out of you with thyroid issues until you don’t have energy for anything but work and sleep and then you die from cancer and safe everyone the hassle of having to pay you your retirement savings. Convenient. And if you prohibit certain ingredients some very rich people would be pretty annoyed. So it’s an easy choice which route to pick right?

Look, I’m not a conspiracy nut, but shit like this is honestly just logical conclusion at this point. I don’t believe in wild guesses, but I do believe in historical awareness and facts. I’m not making facts up. There is tons of evidence.

There is significant evidence that political and economic interests often take priority over public health and environmental policies. Do I believe that it’s due to an international systemic conspiracy by the leaders of the world? No, but it is usually a result of lobbying, economic dependencies, and political decision-making dynamics.

Let me give you some infuriating examples:

The tobacco industry deliberately paid scientists and funded studies to downplay the dangers of smoking. Internal documents released in the 1990s showed that major tobacco companies had known about the cancer risks as early as the 1950s, but actively engaged in disinformation campaigns.

Tobacco lobbyists pressured lawmakers to delay, weaken, or block strict regulations.

Fuels? Oil giants like ExxonMobil knew as early as the 1970s that fossil fuels contributed to climate change, yet they invested in campaigns to create doubt and slow down action.

Politicians who receive funding from the coal, oil, and gas industries often block or weaken climate policies.

Chemical/Food Industry? Some chemicals known to disrupt hormones have been under suspicion for decades, yet regulations only happen when public pressure becomes too strong.

Corporations invest heavily in lobbying and research manipulation to delay restrictions.

There's plenty of evidence, that industries and politicians drag their feet on harmful substances and policies until public pressure makes inaction impossible. Whether this is truly intentional or just a result of systemic incentives depends on perspective. I personally don’t think these people intentionally harm the public by systematically planning these issues. They simply don’t care and just see the money. They’re greedy and selfish and only see short term financial gain and the safety, that said money affords their families and loved ones. Everything else is just unfortunate collateral.

So, is this the end of your life, if you used one of the bad ones? No. Is there long term study proof no, but mainly because it’s too early for that. Did I still make my mom and other people I care about switch toothpastes? Yes. Because: why risk it? Changing to a different toothpaste costs me nothing.

I don’t frantically check everything I use and ultimately it’s probably unavoidable to use some products that are bad for my health, although I try to be educated and avoid it wherever possible. Like only using cast iron or stainless steel pans and avoiding unnecessary plastic in food and hygiene etc.

I look out for people I love, so when I learn about something like this it’s not a discussion in my mind. I would just tell my sub, that he is no longer allowed to use said toothpaste. For me that’s simple, but some people find things like this insignificant or not worth any consideration. I had people (vanilla) fight me on stuff like this before. Accusing me of being controlling. I just see it as looking out for someone and a sign of affection. But not everyone appreciates that.

It’s just one more reason why I prefer to be able to just state a new rule or an order with my partner and expect him to simply accept it and obey me; trusting my judgment and that I have his best interest in mind.

[gunnersling]

Red hills west of Valentine

Arthur Morgan x F!reader

Wc - 1.8k | cws - mild BH | sfw | synopsis - after being orphaned at a young age you’re forced to grow up quickly. Many years later as a gun for hire you come across an old acquaintance, things don’t pick up where they left off | part 1 of ?

Standing in the underbelly of a blazing fire is a feeling unmatched.

Your mother told you when you were very young that Hell is a place where sinners go. It’s an eternity of hellfire and flame. Of burning pain and never ending suffering in a blazing inferno. When you would take God’s name in vain or bicker with the other children out in the school yard- your mother would warn you of what could await you if you weren’t more careful and kind.

She’d ask you to behave and tell you to show kindness to those around you. You’d been too young to understand, to fully weigh up the heaviness of her words and the meaning behind them. When she’d tuck you into bed at night she’d tell you to pray with her- and you would. She’d pray for good health and a long happy life for the two of you together.

And now- now you’re watching as her eyes melt out of her skull. You’re frozen in fear. Paralysed by the horror that is unfolding right in front of you. Her charred body lies at the bottom of the stairs. You would have to step over her oozing body to get out of the front door. To get to safety. You see where her skin is melting down into the floorboards and you can smell the way her hair is singed off along with the very flesh from her bones.

It makes you sick- physically. You retch and vomit down the stairs. It stains the front of your nightdress and dribbles down your chin. You scream. You cry out. It’s a hoarse smoke-infiltrated sound that rips through you like a crack of thunder. Everything burns around you. Memories captured in photo frames. Heirlooms passed from one generation to the next. The family dog, Scout. Your mother. Everything is gone.

You were only twelve years old.

17 years later

The deers wide eyes stare up at you, round and dark like fat copper pennies, and yet, the rest of his body lays across the other side of the dirt road.

It’s hardly an odd sight, not in these parts. Wilder than most places, not yet gentrified by the ways of the modern folk that have flocked here from the big cities out East to get a taste of the country.

These parts still uphold those values of tradition. Small wooden houses and candlelit windowsills. Crops grown in the soil behind those houses, living off of their own little claims of land - self sufficient and cut off from any need of civilisation. A tiny wired chicken coop and a pig or two, what more could anyone need?

They’d raise families and pass on these traditional values. Little babes homeschooled with what little their mothers know of reading and writing, if it’s anything at all. They won’t need that, not really, much more important to learn to milk the cows and bake bread that doesn’t cement itself to everything it comes into contact with instead.

It’s an idealistic idea. Not at all on par with the ill stricken reality of droughts and locust plagues, balanced with a violent crime streak that only brings about death and blood and bullets.

It’s any surprise it isn’t a persons severed head you’re staring at - it wouldn’t be the first time. Maimed corpses lying strewn near roads, unclear whether or not it’s man or beast who had left them there. As unclear as to which is worse, the man or the beast, you know for a fact which you would prefer to maul you to death.

Alas, you press your spurs into your horses side, ushering him forward. He tosses his head, unsettled by the scent of death that lingers just under his nose. Big and brave as your horse is, it’s been a long journey and he’s as ready for rest as you are.

Real rest, a few days to recover and recuperate after the harsh sandstorms and dwindling supplies that’s cursed the pair of you for the last few days of your journey.

It’s late into the evening when you reach the edge of town. Dusk is encroaching into darkness, a balmy dusting of orange is barely visible as it tries its best to peak through the clouds. You smell rain, the way it’s stirring in the breeze. That earthy scent that spikes the air, warm and damp and humid.

As you ride further into town you pass a huge wooden sign that’s staked into the ground. Welcome to Valentine it reads. You cast your eyes over it, over the worn paint that’s chipping away and the weeds that try desperately to climb their way up from where the sign is pierced into the dirt.

It sets a precedent of your expectations for this town. Sitting in the cavity of a wide valley, framed by vast unmoving mountains- it looks like something plucked out of a fantasy tale. A sanctuary of sorts, from the outside looking in, it comes across quaint and simple.

Yet, from the chipped sign to the distant hum of shouts from the nearby saloon, you can tell Valentine will be just as any town you’ve passed through before has been. Carnal. Unforgiving. Uncaring in the way that some folk will attempt to rob you at knife point for the coins and crackers in your saddle bag and others will beg for dollars that won’t buy them food but beer and smokes instead.

All these towns are the same. Left behind, compared to the simple settler life that those who had fled to the West had once known - these towns are just as wild and dangerous as the open plains and deep forests. Beyond wolves and bears there are instead bandits and outlaws, monsters that are much more frightening than the ones with inches of fangs and claws.

You supposed you’d have to be the judge, with only a few days rest here in Valentine before you move on again - what’s the worst that could happen?

Valentine yields no surprises. Gutless locals who sneer when you pass by and little more to do than drink yourself into an early night at the saloon or stand staring at the empty bounty post-board for longer than is necessary. Again - it’s much the same as most of the towns around these parts.

You’d hoped that there would at least be a bounty or two to line your pocket while this way on. It’s another weeks journey to Saint Denis and there’s only one more rest stop between here and there where you can actually resupply and sleep in a real bed. It would have been ideal to gather some coin, then you could at least trade with other travellers if you needed more provisions before reaching the next town.

With lack of much else more to do, you find yourself at the saloon. There’s too much noise.

The shrill noise of the piano fills your ears and it’s grating, only worsened by the fact that every drunken idiot inside feels the need to sing and dance along to its upbeat tune. The men spin the women in circles and then they turn and go the other way. It feels like it lasts forever. Ladies shriek when they’re dipped low by their dance partners, laughing so loud it feels like it pierces right through your skull.

While one end of the bar delivers the commotion of music and laughter, the other brings the ruckus of a fight that’s brewing. Two men shouting at one another over by the poker table. Their exchange isn’t coherent enough for you to understand or hear from where you’re sat sloped at the bar, but whatever it is apparently warrants getting physical. They launch themselves at each other.

The bigger man out of the two of them, to no one’s surprise, quickly gets the upper hand, pinning the other man to the floor by the front of his waistcoat. Soon they’re merely rolling around brawling on the floor like schoolboys fighting over a wooden toy, it’s clear there is no real malice to this argument. Simply too much booze and testosterone in too close of a closed space.

You groan and press your glass to your forehead in hopes it might provide some relief to the headache you can feel starting to form. It swells behind your eyes. The pressure building until it feels like your head will explode.

The fight spills outside, voices whoop and cheer and shout at all of the commotion, but you stay readily rooted to your stool at the bar. You aren’t interested in watching grown men wrestle half-heartedly with each other, a bullet would have solved everything by now but it’s clear neither of them have the sand for that.

Suddenly, a gunshot does in fact ring out.

You pull your glass from your forehead and crane your neck toward the echoing sound. Silence has fallen outside. It’s dead - even the shrill piano has stopped.

It’s with caution that a number of you step out into the night, the short swinging doors creaking as they sway back and forth. As you make your way down the steps everything becomes clearer, one of the men who had been fighting inside is now dead. Shot between the eyes and laid out in the dirt street. Blood pools around him and those that are close can only stare in silence. Violence and murder isn’t foreign to these parts but so blatantly and for reasons unknown is what’s shocking.

The perpetrator is long gone, even in the few seconds it had taken for witnesses of the shooting to make their way from inside.

You scan your surroundings, trying to make head or tail of this. Looking for any clue as to what could have provoked such a thing. There had been no audible argument or interaction, no drunken misunderstanding of stumbling into someone’s path or looking at them the wrong way - none of that.

There’s a long span of silence. Someone had run to get the sheriff, but still, they hadn’t uttered a word and instead made off in the direction of his office on foot.

The earth is wet beneath your boots. Sloppy mud stuck beneath the heels, it feels like you’re being pulled deeper. Something shifts in the air and your intuition pulls your gaze toward a woman standing on the other side of the dirt road. Tears well in her eyes and her breaths come in quick succession. She looks frightened, pale in the face and mouth gaped as she senses your stare. Something goes unsaid between you, an understanding maybe.

She doesn’t shake your gaze. Instead you watch as her wobbly eyes look from you and then toward the sheriff as he jogs toward the scene. She tightens her lips before she finally speaks.

“It was the man from the poster sheriff” her voice is stiff and you watch as the sheriff digests her words.

“Which damn one?” He barks, brows folding into a harsh glare.

She swallows. You watch her throat bobble. “The one them Pinkertons came lookin’ for”

Realisation hits you like a train and those two words slip from your lips far too quickly.

“Arthur Morgan”

[loopstagirl]

Stolen Destiny

For @febuwhump prompt day 7: alternate time line self

-x-

Merlin struggled against the cords binding his wrists. Glancing across the clearing, he saw Arthur standing tall and proud, despite his own hands also tied behind his back. He stared down their captor, not flinching. But as if he sensed Merlin’s look, he glanced back and subtly shook his head. 

Not yet. 

Merlin groaned in frustration. What was the point of his secret being out if he still couldn’t use his magic? But he understood Arthur’s point. Their captor was too alert, too focused on his prisoners. As of yet, he didn’t know that Merlin had magic. He had to wait until the man was distracted before freeing himself to avoid being caught in a magical battle. 

Merlin didn’t doubt he would win: they didn’t call him Emrys for nothing. But his power had a tendency to explode and Gaius had long ago given up chiding him for not being subtle. He’d rather not flatten half the forest (again) just defeating one man. 

That didn’t mean he wasn’t going to struggle, though. Not with Arthur standing there all cool and collected, challenging the man himself with nothing more than a quirk of his eyebrow. 

“I really don’t have all day,” Arthur said, as if it was nothing more than an inconvenience that he was standing bound in the middle of the forest. “What do you want?” 

“To set the balance right,” the man said. He was pacing back and forth in front of the prince, muttering to himself as much as his prisoners. 

It was another reason Merlin didn’t want to lash out. This sorcerer didn’t seem evil, just desperate. He hoped they could talk the man down rather than annihilating him. Arthur had developed a talent for turning a blind eye since finding out about his servant. 

“What balance?” 

“The number of magic-users killed,” he said. “Your father has murdered so many innocents!” 

“You’ve lost family,” Merlin said softly. His words carried and the man turned to him. Arthur glared at him from over their captor’s shoulder. 

“Ignore him, talk to me.” Arthur’s stare spoke volumes: don’t draw his attention. 

Merlin understood it: he’d have a much better chance of getting them out of this if the man wasn’t looking at him. But he’d also found, over the years, that he was really bad at staying quiet and out of the way, especially if Arthur was in potential trouble. While the prince might have his hands bound, Merlin didn’t class that as trouble. Yet. 

“Killing me won’t correct that balance,” Arthur said. He almost sounded apologetic. “If I could change things, I would. But I can promise that when I’m king-,” 

“No. That doesn’t save the thousands already slain!” 

“Look-,” 

Merlin tuned out of whatever Arthur was saying. The hairs on the back of his neck prickled. Power was gathering, like storm clouds rolling in, he could feel the pressure building, focused on the sorcerer. He was preparing for a spell, and given the magnitude that Merlin could feel, the time for subtlety was over. 

“Turning back time won’t make a difference,” the man said. For a second, Merlin startled. He could do that?  

Wait, did that mean Merlin could do that?  

Something he’d have to look up in his spell book when they made it back to Camelot. Alive and in one piece, preferably.  

“it was your birth that set the wheels in motion. It would happen all over again. Killing you will upset the balance.” 

While the sorcerer still seemed to be talking to himself, Merlin decided he couldn’t wait around. He glanced over his shoulder and a flash of his eyes made the rope uncoil from the tight knot. He gave a small gasp of pain as the rope drew away – apparently, he’d been struggling more than he realised. 

“I have to take away what makes you who you are,” the man said, clearly coming to a decision. “I’ll take away being a prince. That will correct things.” 

He gathered the power faster than Merlin thought possible. He'd heard of spells like this: where the caster took away the core essence of a person. He’d take away Arthur’s destiny: take away being a prince, and Uther wouldn’t have had the authority to pursue magic users. 

But Merlin had also heard about the complexity of these spells. He wasn’t sure raw power would be enough to block it. If he had time, he knew he’d be able to figure it out. But time was one thing he didn’t have. At that second in time, he only saw one option left open to him. 

As the spell rolled from the sorcerer’s mouth, a dark cloud forming, Arthur backed away hurriedly. But he’d never get out of range in time. The spell shot forward... and Merlin slammed into his prince, shoving him out of the way. 

Even as he sighed in relief, the dark cloud smashed into him, lifting him off his feet. Suspended in mid-air, Merlin arched as stabbing needles ripped through his body, tearing his very essence from him. If the spell was designed to take the core of a person from them, he knew full well what it was going to take from him: his magic. 

He opened his mouth, whether to scream or try a counter-spell, he didn’t know. But darkness rushed in, consuming him, before a word left him. 

-x- 

He should’ve reached Camelot on Wednesday. 

His mother had written ahead, telling the court physician to expect him.  

Wednesday was two days ago. 

Merlin supposed his mother hadn’t factored in his complete lack of direction, blisters throbbing on both feet and the fact he hadn’t eaten for a day after losing his pack down the same gully that had threatened to make him lose his balance and potentially his life. 

But now, finally, he could see the castle looming in the distance. 

The forest path gave way to cobbled stones, making his feet throb in agonised protest. He wasn’t sure what to expect, but there was a looming sense of foreboding hanging over the place. Acrid smoke burnt the back of his throat and Merlin coughed as he hurried through to a stone courtyard. 

There, he stopped dead. 

There were four or five pyres, still smoking, placed at regular points in the courtyard. The few people Merlin saw hurried by, heads bowed, not daring to look up. Merlin had never exactly heard stories of Camelot being the most joyous place to be, but nothing had suggested it would be like this, either. 

He picked up his pace, anxious to get away from the morbid sight. Once he’d entered, he saw two guards at the bottom of a set of stairs. Their red cloaks had black strips stitched into them and their expressions were sombre. Merlin would’ve said grieving. 

“Um,” he looked up at them. “I’m looking for Gaius, the Court Physician?” 

One jerked a thumb without speaking. Merlin hurried past. The air was fresher inside. The irony wasn’t lost on him even as he climbed the stairs, seeing the signs for the physician’s rooms and following them. 

Once he reached the door, Merlin forgot to knock and poked his head inside. 

“Hello?” 

“Come back tomorrow,” a weary voice said. Merlin had never heard so much heaviness in three words before. 

He slipped into the room. An old man was sitting at a bench, head resting on his palm. He was pale, haggard, and looked exhausted when he looked up at Merlin. 

“I’m not seeing patients today.” 

“Oh no, um, I’m not a patient. I did have this letter, but I lost my bag, and well-,” 

“Who are you?” 

“I’m Merlin.” 

“Hunith’s son?” 

“Yes!” Finally, something felt like it was back on script. 

“You were supposed to be here on Wednesday.” 

“I,” Merlin bit his lip. “I got lost.” 

The old man – Gaius, Merlin presumed – sighed heavily. “Maybe it would’ve made a difference. Maybe not.” 

“Sorry?” 

Gaius shook his head. “No matter. Come in then, boy.” 

Merlin moved awkwardly through the chamber. His hip bumped at a table, setting flasks rattling that made Gaius scowl, but he didn’t seem to have the inclination to do more than that. Once he stood in front of the table, Merlin looked around, unsettled by the atmosphere over Camelot. 

“What’s happened?” he eventually blurted out, unable to keep it in any longer. 

“You haven’t heard? No, I suppose you haven’t given that you’ve been travelling. Prince Arthur was killed last night. A witch, disguised as a renowned singer, put a dagger through his heart. She used magic: nothing could stop her.” 

“Magic?” Stories of magic had always fascinated him, as if teasing a life he could’ve had if only he’d been born with power. Maybe his mother wouldn’t have sent him away if he’d had magic? He could’ve been useful to her, rather than a fatherless boy without a trade to learn. 

“The king is grieving. The city, the kingdom, is grieving. He was much loved, and would’ve grown to be a strong king in time.” 

“Right.” Merlin shifted from foot to foot. The grieve and anguish were clear to see on Gaius’ face, but Merlin didn’t know the person he spoke of. “Sorry.” 

“Yes. Well. Now is not a good time for newcomers to enter the city, but I shall vouch for you. Keep your head down though. The king is mad with grief, and anyone vaguely suspected of having any connection to magic or sorcery of any kind is in grave danger.” 

“No fear of that,” Merlin muttered. “What you see is what you get.” 

He gestured to himself. Gaius followed his gaze. “Hmph. Well. I’ll ask the seamstress to run you up some shirts to replace the ones you’ve lost. You can work for me until we find you proper employment, but I doubt that will happen soon. Not with how things are. For now, there’s a room for you at the top of the stairs.” 

Merlin trudged his way up the stairs. Evening was quickly drawing in and he unlatched the window, staring out. The lights glinting from the town below were beautiful, but there was an oppressiveness hanging over the town. Gaius was right: the entire place was grieving. 

If only he’d gotten here a few days sooner, then... Then what? He could’ve done something? Merlin was painfully aware he was just a nobody. He didn’t have any talents other than getting lost in the woods and falling over his own feet. 

The days of travelling took their toll, and he toppled into a dreamless sleep that night. It was only Gaius calling his name that drew him from his bed in the morning. It had been strange sleeping on an actual body, but it had soothed some of the aches of travelling. 

“I got you water,” the physician told him. “You didn’t wash last night.” 

“Oh, sorry.”  

A large bucket was sitting on the edge of the table. Merlin wasn’t sure what happened, but he managed to catch it with his elbow, sending the entire thing clattering to the floor, the water flooding their feet. Blushing, Merlin fetched the mop while Gaius clucked his tongue. 

Once they’d eaten, Gaius handed Merlin a pouch of herbs.  

“I need you to take this into the town.” He gave specific instructions of where he needed to go and Merlin set off, knowing full well he’d never remember them. 

Sure enough, he got lost. But it wasn’t as if there were people roaming the streets that he could ask directions from. The only ones he saw were guards or knights (or both – he wasn’t sure who was who). But their hands were on their weapons and their expressions were etched with anger. Merlin had no intention of approaching them. 

Once he’d delivered the package, Merlin figured the safest thing to do was head back to the castle. He hadn’t even left the lower town when an almighty bang made him whirl around to see three armed men break into a small house. The splintered hinge gave away where they’d kicked it down. 

Transfixed, Merlin watched, hardly daring to breathe. A minute later, a high-pitched scream filled the air. The men appeared, dragging a woman between them. She was fighting for all she was worth, but even her nails had no effect on the guards holding her. 

“I don’t have magic, I swear. I’ve never used it! I don’t know anyone who has,” she begged. 

“That’s not what our sources say,” one of the guards spat viciously. “Take her away: the king wants the pyres full again by sunrise.” 

They brushed past so close to Merlin that one of the guard’s cloak caught his leg. Merlin hurriedly stepped back, but it only drew the attention of the soldier left behind. 

“What are you doing skulking around on the streets? Some sort of collaborator, are you? Scrawny thing like you, I’ll take you in without backup even if you don’t have magic.” 

Merlin almost laughed. If he had magic, he’d be able to show this soldier that he couldn’t be pushed around! No. No, if he had magic, his mother would never have sent him here. Or he would have done something differently: saved this precious prince, perhaps, and stopped the citadel becoming a place of terror. 

It was only now, standing out in the street, staring at the guard, that Merlin could finally name the atmosphere that had been crushing down on him since leaving the castle. Fear. The residents weren’t just grieving their prince; they were terrified of stepping outside their doors. Given Merlin had just witnessed not even that being enough, he couldn’t blame them. 

He’d heard the stories of Uther Pendragon’s war against magic. No child hadn’t, even outside of the kingdom. But now he was seeing it in action, seeing a king driven mad by grief and determined to make anyone that he could pay, even without evidence. 

“I’m talking to you, boy!” A hand grabbed his collar, spinning him around until his chest hit the building behind him. All the air was driven from his lungs and Merlin gasped even as he felt the knight draw his arm up behind his back. “I’m going to throw you in jail, then if there’s any spare pyres in the morning, you can fill them. Better your head than mine!” 

Merlin was too stunned by the sudden turn of events to even struggle as he was roughly manhandled back through the streets and into the castle. The guard took him a way he hadn’t yet been, and the cool air and damp smell gave away where they were heading. Sure enough, it was only minutes later when his hands and knees skimmed the floor of a small cell and the door clanged shut behind him. 

Sighing, Merlin drew his knees to his chest, hugging them to keep warm. He couldn’t blame the man, not really. It hadn’t been anger in his eyes, but the same fear blanketing the rest of the kingdom. No doubt the king expected his orders to be carried out and the pyres filled, regardless of how many innocent people had to make up the numbers. 

Still, it didn’t bode well for him. No one knew he was down here. In fact, only one person knew he was even in the city. Would Gaius realise what had happened when Merlin didn’t return to his chambers or would he presume his new ward had tired of the city already and fled to the surrounding countryside? Right now, that didn’t sound like a bad idea. 

Despite the sobs coming from the cells next to his, despite the fear that he would accidentally get burnt the following morning, Merlin still managed to fall asleep. 

Only to be awoken what felt like minutes later by the door clanging. He didn’t move, assuming some unfortunate soul was about to join him. 

“You really are a complete idiot, aren’t you?” 

The voice was familiar and Merlin looked up to see Gaius standing there, hands on his hips and a disapproving look on his face. 

“How did you-,” 

“Come on. Unless you want to still be here at dawn?” 

Merlin didn’t need to be told twice. He followed the physician out of the cell, torchlight guiding them as they hurried back up the stairs. Merlin shivered. 

“You were supposed to keep your head down,” Gaius chided. “What were you thinking?” 

“They arrested that woman for no reason!” Merlin protested. He didn’t admit that he hadn’t done anything wrong. As that meant admitting he hadn’t done anything, and that wasn’t something he was proud of right now. 

“Keep your voice down,” Gaius hissed, glancing around. “You do not want to draw attention right now.” 

Neither of them spoke until they reached his chambers again. Merlin didn’t know what he was supposed to do or say, so stalked up to his new room, throwing himself down on the bed. The slow footsteps behind told him Gaius was coming up as well. 

“Camelot isn’t usually like this,” he said slowly. “If you’d arrived a week, even two days ago, you’d have been met with a bustling city and her citizens, for the most part, happy. The prince’s murder is bad enough. By being killed by magic has just reignited all of Uther’s fears and anger. He wants revenge yet the murderer is already dead.” 

“But they’re innocent people down there!” Merlin protested. “Surely he can’t wish to execute his own people?” 

“I think what the king wants right now is to change fate. And he knows he can’t. So he’s doing what he sees as the only option left open to him. You’re lucky they didn’t give you a beating as well.” 

“Yeah,” Merlin scoffed, “lucky.” 

Gaius patted him on the shoulder. “Perhaps it’s best if you stay here today. It’s not safe for strangers to be wandering around.” 

Merlin didn’t have any choice but to agree. He watched the sun rise through the small window, but when the screams and acrid smoke began filling the air, he shut it and turned away, disgusted by his own weakness. 

But what could he do? He didn’t have any power or authority; he couldn’t help these people. All he could offer to do was jump into the flames for them and while he wasn’t a coward, Merlin wasn’t sure what good it would do. 

He dozed for a while. Then made his way down to Gaius’ main chamber and spent most of the day pacing. The physician was gone but he’d left food and water behind, along with a few notes warning Merlin not to touch certain items due to their ability to ignite or combust. After his sleeve started smoking, Merlin took the rest of the warnings to heart. 

He was restless and on edge by the time Gaius arrived. All of his complaints died when he saw the physician, though. Gaius looked every one of his years as he shuffled into the room, head bowed. He didn’t speak as he sank onto the bench but accepted the cup of water gratefully. 

“You knew him well, didn’t you?” Merlin said, sitting down opposite him. “The prince?” 

“I did,” Gaius said heavily. 

“What was he like?” 

“Headstrong. Stubborn. Proud. But a dedicated prince who’d do anything for his people. He would’ve been an excellent king one day, with a little guidance. Now, however, that future is snatched from us.” 

Merlin didn’t know what to say to that, so he watched the flickering candle for a moment more. When it became obvious that Gaius wasn’t going to speak again, he got to his feet. The only thing Camelot had going for it right now was his new bed. Confined to chambers, Merlin thought he may as well use it. 

It was strange being in a room high in the castle surrounded by stone. He’d never noticed the noises of the countryside until they disappeared here. It was silent, nothing to disturb him until Gaius’ loud harumph awakened him the following morning. 

Merlin woke with a start to see the old man standing at the foot of his bed, scowling at him. “For someone with so few belongings, how have you made such a mess?” he scolded. 

Merlin gave his best innocent shrug, one that still worked on his mother. “It just happened.” 

“Get dressed,” Gaius said, throwing a shirt at him. “We’ve got somewhere to be.” 

His tone was curt and grumpy. Merlin thought he looked tired, as if something had been disturbing him throughout the night. Following him down the stairs, Merlin wrote it off as the pressure of the last week. It can’t have been easy losing someone you’d cared for since they were a baby. 

There was no time to stop for breakfast. Merlin followed Gaius out of the doors and through the castle. He hesitated when he recognised where they were. 

“What are we doing here? Are you throwing me back in jail?” 

“After the strings I pulled to get you released the first time? No, Merlin. Come on.” 

All he could do was trail Gaius down the steps, shivering in the cool air. The cells were quiet and not even the guards were present. Merlin wondered out loud where everyone was. 

“The entire kingdom is ordered to attend the burnings,” Gaius said curtly. He picked up a torch and went, not further into the cells, but down a corridor sloping even further into the ground. Bemused, Merlin dutifully went after him. 

The cavern they entered was huge. Merlin could only gape, forgetting the cold, as he stared around. 

“I know you’re here,” Gaius called. “Given that you’ve been calling me all night. Well, I’m here. And I brought the boy.” 

Merlin stared. There was no one here. It wasn’t exactly a hospitable place either: who would live down here? 

Then he got his answer. 

In a rush of air that sent the torch flickering, something moved in the darkness. Something impossibly large and just impossible... 

Merlin stumbled back, aware his mouth was hanging open. It couldn’t be, but it was, only that was impossible, yet... 

“Is that a dragon?” 

“How observant you are, for one not fully himself.” 

Merlin was pretty certain if the cave wall hadn’t been behind him, he would’ve actually fallen over. 

“It speaks?” 

“It is a he,” the dragon rumbled, “who has a name, although not one he will gift to a broken child.” 

“I’m not a child!” Merlin protested, then the full sentence caught up with him. “And I’m not broken, thank you very much.” 

“Why did you call me here?” Gaius said wearily. “Now is not the time for me to be caught down here. Uther wouldn’t care how long I’ve kept his secrets.” 

“Uther does not concern me,” the dragon said. “You failed to protect the prince. But it is of no matter.” 

“No matter?” Gaius drew himself up, but the weariness still pressed down on him, lessening the effect somewhat. “Arthur is dead! That matters: that means everything.” 

“No, it does not. For this is not how things were meant to be.” 

“You don’t say.” 

“Hang on,” Merlin interrupted. “Why am I broken?” 

He was both insulted and offended. He knew he didn’t have a lot going for him, but that felt a pretty harsh thing to say to someone you’ve just met. Or something – he wasn’t sure how dragons classified themselves. 

A low rumble made him wonder if the cave was about to fall in. It would be just his luck it would happen right now while he was standing in it. Then he realised it was the dragon laughing. 

“You often wish for something you feel is lacking?” it – he – asked. 

Merlin glanced quickly at Gaius. How could he admit that he sometimes wished he had magic so that he could fix things? Now, when so much hatred and fear were flying around because of one sorcerer. But his look seemed to say enough, for the dragon made a humming noise in the back of his throat. 

“Your destiny has been stolen from you, young warlock.” 

Gaius flinched. “Don’t call him that. Not now, not ever. The danger it puts him in! Why would you even say that?” 

“Because it is what he is. Who he is. The threads of fate cannot be so easily unwoven by a mere mortal.” 

When Merlin glanced at Gaius again, it was to find his new mentor looking as baffled as he felt. The dragon suddenly rose up onto his back legs, wings beating.  

“Things will be made right again,” he declared. 

Before Merlin could do anything, the dragon opened its mouth. A glow emanated from the deep within its jaws and it angled its head towards Merlin- 

“Hey!” There was nowhere for Merlin to go. His heart thudded painfully and his chest heaved as he stared up. He thought he’d escaped the pyres, but to be roasted inside a cave... 

It wasn’t fire that came from the dragon though. A golden mist twisted around Merlin, suffusing him in a surprising warmth. It was comforting even as he felt the power snake under his skin, flooding his body. 

“Wha-?” he murmured, then toppled into oblivion. 

-x- 

Merlin struggled against the cords binding his wrists. 

Wait... 

He was in the clearing. Arthur was similarly tied... Arthur! 

He was alive. For some reason, Merlin felt that was of the utmost importance, even more than usual. Like he’d lost him at some point. 

He knew the prince wanted him to bide his time. If they could talk the man down, find a peaceful resolution, it would be better for everyone. Better for their captor, as Merlin’s magic and Arthur’s sword wouldn’t end him, but also better for Arthur. It was hard to start building a foundation for a kingdom where magic was accepted when every magic user still forced him to kill them just to stay alive himself. 

Merlin’s magic didn’t tend to do very well at talking people down. 

But as he twisted in his bonds, Merlin couldn’t shake the overwhelming sense of de-ja-vu. He’d done this before. And it hadn’t ended well.... 

The sorcerer was murmuring to himself. Arthur was warning him not to get involved. 

Merlin ignored them both. 

He didn’t untie the rope: he split it with one word, immediately pulling his hands in front of him. 

“You don’t want to do this,” he told the man, his voice steady as he walked forward. 

“You’re a servant,” the sorcerer spat. “You can’t stop me.” 

“Actually, I can.” Merlin let the apology for what was about to happen filter into his tone. “And I will. You see, I really can’t let you hurt him, and for some reason, I feel like sacrificing myself-,” 

“Merlin!” 

“- just won’t work this time,” he finished, ignoring Arthur. “So, I need you to stop, before anyone gets hurt.” 

“Never!” 

Merlin sighed. “When I say anyone, I meant you.” 

Without further warning, he shot his hands forward, both palms facing towards the man. A silent whoosh of wind tore through the clearing and whatever counterspell the man tried to shriek was lost as the force slammed into him. He was lifted bodily into the air and sent hurtling across the clearing. Merlin winced as he hit a tree, but couldn’t deny he was relieved when the man didn’t get up again. 

Swiping his hand through the air, he cut the ropes binding Arthur. 

“You’re welcome.” 

“I had it under control,” Arthur said. “We’re supposed to be talking to them, not throwing them through the air.” 

Merlin shrugged. “I did warn him.” 

“Honestly, Merlin, no one is going to run screaming from a warning from you.” 

Merlin grinned. “You never know.” 

He didn’t want to admit that a Druid would. Anyone who knew his true name wouldn’t underestimate his threats. But that wasn’t important right now. 

“I’m just really glad you’re alive,” he said softly.  

“It was one sorcerer; we’ve dealt with worse.” 

Merlin shook his head. “I don’t know how to explain it, but... It’s good you’re alive.” 

Arthur gave him that look that suggested he thought Merlin might be losing his mind. 

“Right. Well. I’m glad to be alive, too. We should get home before you throw anyone else into trees.” 

“You should visit Gaius,” Merlin said. “I think he’d like that. You mean a lot to him.” 

“Are you sure that sorcerer didn’t hit you with some sort of spell? You’re being weird.” 

“Aren’t I always?” 

“Stranger than usual, then,” Arthur said. He nudged him companionably before turning and walking off into the forest as if they hadn’t just been attacked. “Come on, then.” 

“Yes, Sire,” Merlin said, but Arthur didn’t react to the sarcasm. Hurrying after his prince, Merlin cast the unconscious man one last look over his shoulder. 

Why did it feel like this man had succeeded when so many others failed? 

[charliedawn]

Hi Charlie! Kindly coming into your ask box- First of all how are you? I adore your stories, I read them whenever I'm feeling down and it's perfect whenever I want to forget about my real life problems haha.

I was wondering how would the slashers react to a Hungarian y/n? Obviously I never found anyone writing about this scenario, for we 'hungries' are few. I'm actually Székely (Hungarians who speak the older version of the language and live in a different region than actual Hungarians), which means I'm Transylvanian. Like how would they react finding out that reader can literally move around with a bottle of alcohol on their head without it sliding off? Having long hair that is traditionally braided in two, and red ribbons braided in it (this is female case, which means the girl is 'on the market'), being able to speak multiple languages, meeting bears every single month given living in forest mountains, and owning traditional clothes that in old times mean high status? I'm sorry that this sounds so personal but like all my life (ever since I found out about slashers) I wanted to know how one might react to this kind of situation, given most fandoms, OBVIOUSLY include English reader. You can ignore if you want and sorry if u don't understand what I wrote :')

If you don't want to write for this (like I feel like I'm being too specific and personal with things) then I guess how they would react to reader with an interesting accent- all my English friends told me they love how I speak it's funny for them. Sending hugs and kisses I adore ur work <3

No need to apologize ! My pleasure. This is a really unique and interesting request, and I had fun searching what a Székely reader would be like. I hope I did it right. 😆

Slashers React to a Székely Reader

Jason Voorhees

Jason, being deeply connected to his own forested home, would be fascinated by your experiences with bears. He’s used to dealing with intruders, but meeting a bear every month ? That’s next-level survival. He’d probably view you as someone incredibly strong and capable, which earns you a lot of respect in his eyes. Your ability to balance a bottle on your head would both impress and confuse him—he’d tilt his head like how ? He is a clumsy man and if he tried the same, no bottle would survive. If you let him touch your traditional clothes, he’d be extra careful, appreciating the craftsmanship and the colors.

Michael Myers

Michael doesn’t react outwardly, but he watches. A lot. He’d probably test your balancing skills by suddenly throwing something your way while you’re carrying the bottle. If you catch it without dropping the bottle, you’d get a slow approving nod. He might also silently grab a red ribbon from your hair, just to see how you react—if you snatch it back, he’ll keep doing it just to mess with you. But, he would also appreciate the traditions and understand your connection to nature—since nature is fairly important to him as well. If you could, he would ask you to learn the language. True, he would not be able to speak it—but just hearing it would make him happy. He would also ask you to teach him your traditional dishes.

Brahms Heelshire

Brahms would fixate on your braids and ribbons. He’d like the idea of your clothes being a ‘status’ marker since Brahms is from a higher-class family himself. But the ribbons…he would like them, but might get possessive, asking you to remove the ribbons or change their color so others don’t think you’re ‘on the market.’ Because you are not. You are HIS friend. No sharing or letting someone take you away from him. He’d also adore your ability to speak multiple languages, insisting you talk to him in Hungarian just so he can hear how it sounds. Your traditional clothes ? He’d want you to wear them all the time in the manor, seeing them as regal and elegant.

Bo & Vincent Sinclair

Bo would act like he’s unimpressed but would secretly be very intrigued. He’d tease you about the bottle-balancing trick—"Alright, but can ya do that while runnin’ ?"—but would absolutely brag about it to tourists before luring them into his trap. He would show them your trick and kill them while they are dumbstruck. Or he would ask you to bring his beers like that—and exclusively like that. And when he first saw you in your traditional clothes ? He was mesmerised. You looked like a damn princess. When you told him what the braids and ribbons meant though…Bo suddenly grabbed your braids and quickly pulled your braids loose…On the market ? Like hell you are…

Vincent, on the other hand, would love your traditional clothes. He’d want to sketch you in them, fascinated by the detail and historical meaning behind them. He would love to take pictures of you too. He would ask you about your culture and be really interested. He would also be impressed by the bottle trick and would immediately inform Bo because Bo would be impressed too for sure.

Norman Bates

Norman would see you as someone from another world—elegant, mysterious, and old-fashioned in the best way. He’d be captivated by your hair and the meaning behind the ribbons, maybe a little too curious about your availability status. If you ever wear your traditional clothes, he’d compare you to an old painting, romanticizing it. Your survival stories about the mountains and bears would leave him both impressed and slightly intimidated.

Norman *comes up behind you and slowly wraps his arms around you from behind* : "…Te vagy gyönyörű, drágám."

He would learn the recipes for Székely Gulyás (Székely stew), Puliszka (A cornmeal dish similar to polenta, eaten with cheese, milk, or stew) and Töltött Káposzta (Stuffed cabbage, a staple at Székely celebrations) to surprise you.

Freddy Krueger

Freddy would not take you seriously at first—until he sees the bottle trick. Then, suddenly, he’s got a new game to play. He’d try to mess with you by making dream versions of your traditional clothes wrong just to see if you notice the inaccuracies. He’d also probably joke about the bears—"So, what, you got one as a pet ?" If you start speaking Hungarian with him, though ? He’d hate it—he loves running his mouth, and now he doesn’t know what you’re saying. He would have to get a dictionary. He doesn’t like reading.

Pennywise & Penny

Pennywise would see you as someone tied to old traditions, which he respects in a strange way. He’d enjoy the idea of you carrying history with you. Penny, on the other hand, would love that you meet bears regularly—he’d probably insist that the next time you see one, you have to bring him along. The bottle-balancing trick ? Oh, now it’s a game. He’d try to distract you just to see if you mess up.

Penny would definitely imitate you and laugh as he starts dancing with three bottles on his head.

Jack Torrance

Jack would instantly bond with you over alcohol—if you can balance a bottle on your head, you must know good drinks, right ? He’d want to drink with you, hear your stories, and maybe even try balancing a bottle himself (bad idea). Your language skills would impress him, but he’d be especially curious about your encounters with bears—probably comparing it to his experiences in the snowy Overlook. He would also use you as an inspiration for his work and ask you questions about your traditions. He would also be interested in learning your language.

Ghostface! Eddie Munson

Eddie would be so hyped about your skills. "Dude, that’s metal as hell ! You walk around with a bottle on your head and survive bear encounters ? Like…what ?" He’d immediately ask you to teach him your language, failing horribly but loving every second. Your traditional clothes would remind him of a fantasy character, and he’d start calling you things like “the warrior queen of Transylvania.” He’d also be obsessed with the fact that you speak multiple languages—every time you switch to Hungarian, he’d dramatically pretend to swoon.

You: "A mosolyod beragyogja a napomat."

Him *looking at you with a big smile* : "I didn’t understand a single word that just came out of your mouth, but I love it."

[russilton]

Hiiiii I saw your post where you said that you wrote 400 words of the red bull george au. First of all, yayyyyyyyyy that’s amazing. I am very happy for you :) every word counts and the fact that you wrote 400 of it is truly great. I am so invested in the story and can’t wait for it (not pressuring you in anyway to release it soon. I’ll happily wait for it because i know the wait will be worth it)

I wanted to ask something if you don’t mind. You don’t have to answer of you think it’s big of a spoiler or it’s something you would like to keep a secret. I understand. First question: Would the fans eventually learn about George and Lewis’ relationship and that they are together? Second question: Will Susie and Toto be like George’s non official adopted parents? I live for those dynamics where Susie and Toto practically adopt George.

Another one I waited a year and a half on I’m so sorry whoever sent this—

Honestly I’ve basically plotted the majority of the story onto tumblr already so it’s legitimately hard to find spoilers, but I do intend for the fic to mostly wrap up either directly after January 2022 or mostly thereabouts, because I’m hesitant to dive too far into the 22 season because it would end up drastically different from reality and honestly I think what made the original au so easy to plot is the developments of the 2021 season make it really easy to tie plot points to— with the strong exception that without Perez in the Red Bull, Max has no chance for Masi to cheat and hand him a win in Abu Dhabi. Because in fic I refuse to allow that reality.

Going Public

If George and Lewis were to ever come out as together in that universe, it would be long, long after the end of that story. Honestly it would likely come some point after Lewis’ retirement, I doubt even the most trusted would know about the extent of it with very few exceptions like MAYBE Bono or Shov. Perhaps Toto years down the line.

Part of it is really because the shape of their Relationship in the Red Bull au is so massively different to what we normally approach on fanfic- they spend a good 6 months fighting and antagonising each other, and the next 4 months barely speaking because George is deep in his own hell. Lewis and George basically go from on top of each other every weekend to cold turkey from the summer break through to Abu Dhabi, It’s a rocky start to any relationship, even without adding the hell George is personally going through joining a new team and building what little trust he had from the ground up, and Lewis trying to balance looking after himself and trying to figure out how the hell to look after George or if George even wants that.

It’s a rough first year or two is what I’m saying. The last thing they would want is anyone finding out what’s going on between them, and how that would effect their lives or reputations— they’re already facing weekly prying by the media to see if they’re trying to kill each other yet— but it’s better than when people question if they’re too close, and queries about if George was ever loyal to Red Bull or if he was a plant start flying. People find pictures of young George chasing Lewis for autographs, it’s not hard for accusations to grow, and Horner or Marko would waste no time lying about it if they could bring George down a peg further.

So among that, their relationship is kept as wrapped tight as possible. George moves to Monaco like all f1 drivers do, so it’s easier for them to meet quietly without anyone seeing, but they don’t really go out together for anything more than dinners around the globe as teammates in restaurants that know how to be discreet. They’re not a naturally affectionate pair, it’s not hard to act like they’re just friends in public— RB George is about 5 times as neurotic as canon George and isn’t really chill and goofy, spending your formative years being micromanaged by assholes and then getting a brutal public reality check will do that— so it’s not something they find especially hard to maintain for a few years, it’s only when they’ve been at it a while that Lewis starts to get nagging feelings that it would be nice to be able to sit by George at pool sides when he’s tanning, or go running together, or get George a little drunk in a club so he could see that rare affectionate side. But he also keeps that to himself since George still seems antsy about it, and even years out from his move, George finds it hard to shake the media linking to his past as a bull. It’s hard enough being the man who publically fell out of his team into another one. Being the first Gay f1 drivers would be a lot to add to that, without adding accusations George slept his way into his seat.

But I think, quite a few years down the line when George is creeping up over 30, and Lewis into his mid 40’s, they might get quietly married. They’re not really interested in being in the centre of a big event like that, especially as Lewis expands further on his brands outside of F1 and George chases championships at his side, they have a lot going on. It’s a paperwork thing, but they still don’t tell many people.

It’s only when Lewis has fully retired, and George wins his second Championship that they might quietly let things build. A congratulatory instagram post from Lewis that leans a little into fond, George’s reply’s back that seems just as affectionate. Fans chalk it up to a good teammate relationship until George shows up with Lewis at an event for one of his charities, and more questions swirl about how they ended up so close. They’d probably end up dropping it on everyone in some end of year socials post years after they got married, something about celebrating an anniversary together. They don’t specify which. They’d probably be annoyingly short about the whole thing, tell people as little as possible about how it happened until they’re both retired. It’s such a big story as it is they don’t really need to complicate people’s shouting by adding confusion about timelines and team politics. If George is asked about it while racing, he’d probably say he’s no different than before, it’s just now people know about it. If people tried to pry, he’d shrug and tease them to wait for a future book about it. There probably would be a book some day tbh.

It’s a weird one- I genuinely go back and forth on if they would ever willingly tell anyone, as much as I’ve described this scenario here, I think they’re an equal chance they would just tell absolutely no one until they’re both retired, only to drop it one day with little to no explanation and tell the world that’s all they need to know. They’re both progressively minded and would want to use themselves to further acceptance in their sport, but RB George is so dictated by the trauma he goes through, and that has echo effects. He spent so long isolated and aggressively private despite a veneer of cockiness, I think he would find that hard to move from from the need to keep himself to himself, and Lewis honestly isn’t much different. When you’ve had your entire life paraded across a stage to be criticised, there’s part of you that wants some things to stay yours and yours alone, and after all they’ve both achieved, I can see how they don’t really want their relationship to be put infront of that.

Toto and Susie

George and Toto is such a complicated dynamic in this au, for so many reasons. For one, Toto doesn’t half paternally raise him through his formative years, when they meet and begin to interact properly, George is Toto’s shiny new driver he’s not sure what to make of, because Lewis essentially coached Toto into choosing him.

Toto is shrewd and business minded when he’s not letting his heart rule his head, and he doesn’t have any kind of bond with George to do that. He treats George similarly to how he likely treated Valtteri at first, he’s looking for someone who falls in line and doesn’t fight or cause problems with the team, to set them up and maybe win a few times till they find some future champions material- Toto doesn’t necessarily think George isn’t, but he doesn’t really know what to make of George. He shows up with two wins under his belt and some sparks of potential that could be gold dust, or they could just be light catching water. He has to be realistic no matter how much Lewis throws his weight behind George.

George doesn’t fare much better when it comes to being approachable. He is, for lack of a better word, traumatised by how Horner treated him like a beloved team member and then a pig for slaughter the second he faltered. Marko was even worse, George is used to being berated for any kind of car damage, or having his seat threatened if he fumbled more than one race in a row. The first time George has a horrible session and qualifies low, he probably has to stave off a panic attack. He’s trying to be strong and capable, trying not to act like a fragile wuss, but a cloying part of him is terrified the rugs going to be pulled from under him again, and then he’s truly fucked bc Red Bull would demote him, but Merc might fire him, and he’d have no one.

George is a good liar, Red Bull made him one, but he’s not that good, Lewis would probably drag him aside for a chat, try to reassure him sessions are shit sometimes and Lewis has had plenty of bad ones, the team doesn’t care as long as he’s trying, but for a guy like George that doesn’t really help much, even as he tries to fake a grin and wave Lewis off. That’s probably when Lewis would have to step in and speak to Toto himself.

I don’t want to set a precedent of Lewis fixing George’s problems, because George very much has independence a lot of the time, but this early after the move, George is handling a lot, and not wanting to really talk about any of it for fear of losing it all again. Toto knows some of why George split from redbull, he has to to even consider hiring him, but he’s not especially aware of how George ended up in that situation, how quick the switch up was, how deeply that fear sits in George’s gut. Lewis can’t share all of that, but he can fill in some of Toto’s gaps with what George has told him, and at least point out that when he’s comfortable, just how fucking fast George is.

With that knowledge I can see Toto developing a kind of softness for George, and at least attempting to learn more. He might ask to meet with George a little more in brackley, ask him about his history, and point out they’re not going to fire him over a shitty result or two, he’s not Christian. Toto’s bluntness would be… comforting to George, it may be harsh at times but he knows Toto doesn’t really seem to care to lie to him about it. He tells George bluntly about what they don’t want him to do, and well, George can work with that.

There’s probably also a time Toto tells George that Mercedes intended to offer him a junior seat, but by the time they’d got a contract drafted, George had signed with Redbull. George probably goes slightly white at that, and when probed, will try to say ah well, can’t change the past, all while sounding like he desperately wants to. Susie probably slaps Toto for that one.

I think with time George and Toto would build their own rapport. George learns to relax and tease Toto with maybe a little less ease than Lewis, and Toto learns George will always laugh when he insults Horner, and that part of George is still a kid who grew up too fast and could still use some praise. Toto has three kids, he can do that. George won’t ever say he needs it, but he might lean a little harder on Toto after a mechanical DNF when Toto tells him it’s not his fault, and he gets more comfortable grabbing Toto for a celebratory hug when they do win. The trust takes a long time to develop, it’s a little less paternal than in real life, but it is there. Toto is an authority figure George doesn’t have to be quite as terrified of.

As for Susie, I think George would like Susie a LOT. Lewis loves her, it’s an easy introduction. She’s a smoother voice than her husband and even if George isn’t Scottish, it feels closer to being home, the same ways Lewis does. Susie has whip fast whit and an energy about her that just makes people relax, and George is no different, he likes when she visits the team and always gets a good laugh out of him. George particularly would enjoy watching her and Lewis poke and tease each other, she’s known Lewis so long her quips dig deep, and that’s particularly hysterical to George

Maternal is difficult for George- she’s forever linked to Toto and it’s hard to forget that, so that keeps George at some distance. But she’s also so very different, and when Toto invites him and sometimes Lewis over to their home in Oxford, she’s always the one to greet him at the door and welcome him in. Susie knows all about hostile team environments and would probably happily insult Redbull with a glee and ruthlessness that would make George choke but actually relax a bit. George wouldn’t be caught dead calling her a maternal figure any day, but if he finds Susie’s presence eventually relaxing, that’s between him and God.

[the-best-of-waynes]

ending co-written with mun of @brightest-starr-girl

"Pete is... he's really funny. And really sweet. And really smart." Lenny nudges Karen. "Kinda like you. But also... very much his own person. He's not exactly golden retriever. He's more of a chocolate lab puppy. And a little less stoic than you, a little quieter. But... I think I really like him, Kare. I just don't know that he'll like me back."

"Don't know that you're worth liking, you mean." Karen raises a brow at her best friend's pointed pout. "Don't try to deflect, I know you."

Lenny huffs, picking slightly at her fingernails. "Just... after our break-up. Can I even do a relationship? I feel like- like everyone I love, just ends up hurt. I'm a curse, K. Or it feels that way. Might as well protect them if I can't do anything else." She lets out a bitter half-laugh. "I already made you cry." A sideways glance. "Is it... selfish to bring you along?"

Karen sighs. "I'm gonna level with you, Len. The whole..." She can't bring herself to say 'faking your death', "-leaving thing is more selfish than staying. You don't want to see them hurt, so the solution is... hurt them from afar? So they're in an equally bad, if not worse position, you just don't have to deal with it?"

Lenny winces. "When you put it that way..."

"So why leave?"

"I already told you. I started planning it after the whole thing went down with Deathstroke and Joker and all that. And then- Dad and Mo- Selina broke up. Dad's trying to heal and me being around reminding him of her isn't helping at all. Then you've got her and the minute they break up she ditches, picks fu- picks Stray, her beloved Tim variant, over me, which I get; one of us is like her and the other is not-"

"As far as she knows," Karen interrupts.

"As far as she knows," Lenny confirms. "Then you've got Dick dealing with everything on his plate, same with Jay and Tim-Tam and Dami and Cass and Steph and Duke, and all of them need attention that I'm stealing with Dad who's already trying to balance everything for everyone. And, well... we disagree on the value-added of my presence."

"And there's nothing else?" Karen presses.

Lenny hesitates, then adds, "Nothing I can share at the moment."

Karen allows it, knowing she won't get anything else. "No matter what happens, you know I love you, right?"

"I... try." She meets Karen's eyes. "Kay. I... see your point in the selfishness. And maybe it is. Probably, it is. But... I have tried so hard, for so long, to be everything they needed me to be."

"Then tell them that," Karen begs, pleads, desperate. "Helena." She never uses her best friend's full first name. "Helena, I mean it. Just tell them."

Lenny swallows hard. "I can't," she whispers, a confession and a defense all at once. "I don't know how."

"Let them in. You've let me in. They want to be there for you."

"No. No, I- I've worked so hard. I've hidden so much just so I can get through. They don't know me, they don't get to know me, I can't do it. I've already lost so much- Kay- I- I can't lose again-"

She's begun to devolve into a panic attack, and Karen instantly moves, grabbing Lenny's hands and exaggerating her breathing for Lenny to match. "In for four. Hold for seven. Out for eight." She repeats the words as she models, until finally Lenny is calm. "You okay?"

Lenny- Lena- Helena- Len- whoever she is right now- nods before shaking her head no and half collapsing into Karen's embrace. Tears wet the blonde's shoulder, and both are incredibly grateful for waterproof makeup as Karen holds her, allowing her to let it out. "I don't know who I am anymore, K. I think I'm too broken for all of this.

"I think you need a break," Karen returns, gentle, soothing, rubbing her hand lightly along Lenny's back as she does just that. "You've been fighting for so long. Not just with a bow--I mean since I've met you. You've been fighting since before I met you, with all that stuff with Robe-"

"Don't say his name," Helena cuts in vehemently.

"Okay," Karen easily acquiesces. "Since the stuff with J.C. and your first foster dad. I saw you fight to stay afloat when living with your adoptive family. I saw you fight for those siblings. I saw you fight to find who you were, fight to get out, fight to get to Gotham. I've seen you fight for the other kids on the street, as a civilian and as a vigilante. I've seen you fight for the world. Seen you sacrifice yourself, over and over and over again. I've seen you fight for your parents and fight for your many new siblings. And I've seen you fight yourself every step of the way. I don't know of a time I haven't seen you fighting, if not an external force, then an internal battle with yourself. And I've known you for almost a decade, Len." Karen pulls back slightly, not letting go or removing her touch, but intentional. "Look me in the eye." She waits. "The only reason I'm not telling Mr. Wayne anything is because you need to rest. And if this is what it takes for you to do that, for you to stop fighting and just sit, then I'll do whatever you need me to. Because you need to. And if it takes getting away from the family and from who you've tried to force yourself to be, then I'll support you. But Len... don't let all this pain be in vain, okay? Just... promise me that."

"I promise." It's dull, but genuine, overloaded with emotions.

"Thank you." Karen pulls her back in for a hug. "I love you. Remember that, alright?"

"I love you too, Kare." For the first time all evening, for the first time in months, the smile Helena gives is easy and real. "I'll stay in touch."

Karen laughs, a wet laugh, one telling how hard it is to hold back the sobs. "You better. Or I'm hunting you down."

"Ooh, scary," Lenny teases.

Karen flicks her. "Just shut up and let me hug you. I don't know when I'll get to again."

"Ma'am, yes ma'am."

And so, Karen embraces her best friend tighter, the both soaking in the moment. When they let go and part ways, the gala winding down, it's lingering, bittersweet, but the words have been spoken; their hearts and minds are lighter, if a little sadder.

But their relationship, all the stronger.

Martha Wayne Foundation’s Midwinter Gala

open to anyone who wants to join!

Helena takes a deep breath and a shallow sip of champagne. Her family isn't here, so it's not like they can take it away, and no one else cares, because she's not getting drunk and pretty much everyone above the age of fourteen at a gala drinks.

As much as she hates these things, she is willing to suffer through if it means her dad and brothers get a little break. Maybe it'll help with the guilt a little. After all, it's the least she can do, considering...

Nevermind. She's nauseous once more.

She spots a server unobtrusively making his way through the crowd and immediately begins weaving through to reach him. The food is the only redeemable thing about a gala, other than the dancing; it might be small in size, but the number is unlimited, the selection varied, and the taste exquisite.

So focused is she on her goal of canapes that she completely misses the person she bumps into.

"So sorry," she apologizes quickly.

[outfit under the cut]

[lucy-moderatz]