#of course he's in love with her she's the only person hes even remotely emotionally open with

[knivesandteeth]

Bashir avoiding dealing with his rampant PTSD by dating his therapist is one of the funniest things he's done canonically

[goodqueenaly]

Revisiting Catelyn's chapter, and I've been finding the way that she reflects on her childhood in Riverrun (and while *at* Riverrun, watching over her dying father) rather interesting, in particular her relationship with Brandon. When Jaime speaks to her about his death, and she begins to tell him of how Brandon was on his way to Riverrun when he heard about Lyanna, she notes that "telling it still made her throat grow tight, after all these years." And later, after Jeyne comes to her for advice, we have this passage -- “Tell me what I should do. Catelyn might have asked the same, if her father had been well enough to ask. But Lord Hoster was gone, or near enough. Her Ned as well. Bran and Rickon too, and Mother, and Brandon so long ago. Only Robb remained to her, Robb and the fading hope of her daughters” -- where she counts Brandon as one of the people lost to her, along her mother, and children, and Ned.

What level of depth of feeling, of emotion do you think there was between Brandon and Catelyn during their betrothal (speaking from Catelyn's end of things)? I find these passages a bit curious and they seem to hint to me love, though her POVs also don't quite give us glimpses of any sort of emotional or physical intimacy between them (by physical I mean even something at the level of the kissing games she played with Lysa and Petyr)?

Thank you for taking the time to share your insights with us!

Catelyn was betrothed to Brandon for around five or six years during a significant portion of her young life. As the dutiful daughter of a House whose devotion to duty is literally reflected in its dynastic motto, Catelyn was raised even at 12 to “[thank] him [i.e. her father Hoster] for making her such a splendid match” when this betrothal occurred. While I doubt Catelyn and Brandon met very frequently during their betrothal period, his apparent companionship with Jeffory Mallister may suggest that Brandon traveled in the Riverlands in the years before his death, and consequently spent some time with his fiancée during this time; I doubt Brandon and Catelyn would have been left unchaperoned or allowed to engage in any remotely indecorous conduct, to be sure but these may have been opportunities for the two of them to exchange some courtly pleasantries. Brandon was also personally good-looking, wild in both rage and mirth in a way the young Catelyn clearly found attractive. 

Given all that, I’m not surprised that Catelyn would have developed some level of romantic feelings toward Brandon, and would have held onto those feelings for the rest of her life. Brandon had been her politico-dynastic destiny from the age of 12 until roughly about the age of 17 or 18, a man she had been encouraged to love as her future lord husband. Moreover, to Catelyn, Brandon may have seemed quite the catch - the handsome, dashing young knight or de facto knight, heir to a great castle and title, who dueled in her name for the honor of her hand. With Brandon dying young and tragically from Aerys II’s tyranny, Catelyn never had the chance to become disillusioned with Brandon’s infidelity (and almost certainly never knew of his sexual relationship with Barbrey or his potential bastards), or to have to manage his emotionality day to day; Brandon could remain idealized in Catelyn's mind as her first fiancé and love. 

Which is not to say, of course, that Catelyn never loved Ned. If neither Catelyn nor Ned had been raised to anticipate marrying the other, both understood the politico-military necessity of doing so during Robert’s Rebellion; more importantly, each also came to understand, appreciate, and ultimately love the other on a deeply personal level. Catelyn might have always remembered Brandon, but Ned was "her Ned", her husband, "the man I loved, the father of my children".

[crossingcrimes]

So like, random thought/prompt/idea I had?

You know how Hannibal is all "Oh you're the one I'd want guarding my home" that first meal with Will?

What if Will internalized that? Cause I mean the whole conversation is basically him saying Jack treats him as a tool, one that Jack doesn't consider worth caring for and will use until it's no longer functioning.

And here's Hannibal talking about how he sees Will as someone he would want to like, protect him.

And of course we know that when Wills brain was melting he became very emotionally dependent on Hannibal, literally went into a fugue state and lost hours of time and came to after interacting with Hannibal.

What if during all that brain melting nonsense Will sorta latched onto the idea that Hannibal wants Will to protect him? Like his brain is nearly dribbling outta his ears, he's losing time and hallucinating sounds, and Jack gives not a single fuck about how Will is suffering. Jack just keeps pushing him into doing something that's not even remotely his job.

(btw does Will get paid for this? Cause like he was rejected from that kinda work prior so like? Is he even an approved and paid consultant? Jack is basically preventing Will from doing his actual legal job which is teaching and I'm curious how that works out legally and payment wise)

Jack is very obviously on the road of using Will like a tool he doesn't care about until he breaks.

Meanwhile you have Hannibal. Who from Will's perspective, is just being so caring and sympathetic to Will. Who disagrees with how Jack is treating him. Who takes care of him by feeding him and checking on him when he disappears from a planned meeting. Hannibal who (again to Wills POV) doesn't want to use Will like a tool. He wants Will to be a shield, a protector!

So what if during his sickness Will got really weird and dependant on the idea of needing to protect Hannibal from those who would hurt him? And Hannibal being who he is picks up on this shift in personality and goes "hey, I could do something with this!".

So he takes Will for another brain scan, with a different doctor, and lo' and behold Will isn't crazy! His brain is melting! And Hannibal plays up being just sooooo apologetic about having trusted the wrong person with Wills care, how could Will even forgive him for this? Truly what a horrible person he trusted who would let Will suffer for some sick desire for research, etc etc. painting himself as a bit of a victim taken advantage of by someone he trusted.

And Will, who is recovering and only has Hannibal actually around to show that he cares that Will was sick and is caring for him even though he's not the best behaved cause of the illness and medicine, is like " how dare someone hurt Hannibal! Hannibal is so good to me and clearly I need to protect him from people who would take advantage of him!"

Ultimately of course, this takes the path wherein Hannibal isolates Will from others by setting up situations where Will feels Hannibal needs to be protected from others, and since that's the case how could Will possibly trust them? And Will's identity becomes so dependent on the idea that he is Hannibal's protector and that Hannibal is the only person who REALLY cares about him that even when the truth comes out he stays with Hannibal.

Maybe Hannibal gives him the tragic backstory of his sister and the path of revenge he took, and how between that and his aunt (probably paints her as someone else who took advantage of him when he was vulnerable, cause I mean, traumatized teen who's step-aunt gets so obsessively in love with him that she kills her own husband paints a different picture here) he just doesn't know how to be a 'normal' person. That it's become such an integral part of him, the killing and cannibalism, that not doing it would negatively affect him.

And sure, Will might be a bit upset initially but like, at this point Hannibal has made Will so isolated and dependant on him for mental/emotional stability that all that'll really happen is maybe Will sleeps in the guest room with his dogs for a week and is a bit sullen. Of course Hannibal plays up the apologetic regretful "but baby I miss you I'm so sorry" thing and Will basically forgives him.

After the reveal could go either way also. Either the idea that Will is just so very protective of Hannibal that he doesn't want Hannibal out doing his dangerous hobby alone/ agrees that these people were rude/unkind to Hannibal and killing them is for the best. OR! Will doesn't get involved in the killing at all, genuinely treats it like Hannibal's weird hobby they can't let the neighbors know about but honestly has no interest in, kiss at the door "have fun with your thing tonight dear" type shit.

Either way obviously protecting Hannibal from Jack becomes a major focus of his. Cause if Jack was a piece of shit to Will when Will was the only thing making him so successful at his work, how would he treat Hannibal who in reality is his forsworn enemy?

[acebiacebasis]

K long vaguely unhappy story time again:

I thought my mom was more mature than this, but wow we had a fucking moment tonight. It ended okay basically because we both decided to move on. But I'm definitely still emotionally *tense* and am so ready to move away again and be my own person. I LOVE the family quality time I get watching shows with them, especially in context like this when it's a show that I got them hooked on, but gosh she could not chill on the homophobia for five seconds.

We're watching White Collar and there is an episode in Season 4 that features the lesbian character (who is a badass and funny and amazing FBI agent) more prominently and queerly. Aka instead of just referencing her having a girlfriend, she actually kisses another woman (undercover shenanigans and sexy criminals and all that jazz). My mom literally asked me to skip ahead when these two gorgeous women were only TALKING on a DATE and I avoided skipping at that point because the focus went back to the main crime plot so soon (like, soon as in she finished asking me plus a couple seconds of my hesitation and surprise that my mom couldn't just watch two people fucking talking and not even like heavily flirting or being touchy-feely or anything, and then the moment ended anyway).

So, we move on from that scene and keep watching the episode unfold, and most of it is not actually queer-related so she doesn't throw a fuss (because literally any other time she likes the show). BUT part of the plot to catch the criminal involves these two women going on another date, so my mom starts to kinda get tense again, and then suddenly they kiss and she legitimately hollers out "Oh! No!" and I think it will be fine because it cuts away but then right away they kiss again and my mom starts yelling "Skip it!" And I just hesitate for a split second again because I've seen it before and I know it'll end soon and I try to tell her this and she's just going on and on at full volume over the TV yelling "Who has the remote?! Skip it!! It's GROSS and I don't want to see it!"

So I pause it, pretty upset myself at this point, and stand up to face her and ask "Why?!" and try to say again that it is SO SHORT a moment (like, I said she couldn't watch it for two seconds and she corrected me that it was at least four 🙄) so then I also pull out the religious card (because of course my mom brought up her opinion that "It's a SIN and it's gross and wrong" and blah blah blah) and I challenge that she watches other shows with divorced people or cheating or fucking murderers and she doesn't skip those conversations... And she tries to kinda blow that off as saying she would or whatever justification but she basically gives up that front and turns to my dad and asks "Doesn't it both you?" And he just quietly says "well yeah but I just don't watch" (which he plays on his phone anyway if the show gets too silly for him in other circumstances so that annoys me but I find overall less offensive) so I jump in and say "You could've done that too! You can just look away if it bothers you that much!"

So mostly at that point I'm frustrated and just really flabbergasted that she could not watch sapphic representation for literal SECONDS and I say she can watch what she wants and toss her the remote and I walk out of the room. *But* then I can hear from my room that she checks in with my dad about still watching it and I hear her start it up again, which is GOOD because I want them to watch it and enjoy it and there wasn't any gay stuff for her to throw a fit about for the rest of it anyway (besides some conversational references that I expected her to skip and she didn't, so my dad must've told her it didn't matter or something)...

Anyway because I'm an absolute sucker for this show I ended up going back out and said "Okay, if you're still watching it then I'll watch it with you." And because of course I want to watch in solidarity with this one queer episode and enjoy the representation. But golly.

------

And another thing is that I already had queerness heavily on the brain. I saw a homophobic post by a fb friend from high school (who I really should probably unfriend, especially cause this isn't the first homophobic post I've seen by him, but instead I just unfollowed because I'm a sucker that can't quite give up being liked or having sources of information yet... But I'm working on that) and anyway he also is a "Christian" and is supposed to have found faith more as an adult and apparently talks about it a lot but from what I can tell it just seems like he's grown into being a bully?

So I have already been feeling convicted again NOT about how queerness is a sin BUT how to bridge my queer communities with my Christian communities because I feel like they should be united and instead they're at war and it breaks my heart.

...if you made it this far, thanks for reading. Also, sorry for us both if you relate.

Prayers for hearts to be opened, I guess.

10-20-24

[vladimpale]

everything has its place (i wonder what space i take)

@zukki-week

written for day 4 of zukki week (relationship negotiations) but this is a part of my pirate au (which is day 5) so i guess take it however you want (be warned that no actual piracy is done)

A few good seconds passed, none of them knowing how to broach the topic. Suki's eyes glassed over with a practiced calm. She should have thought of what to say. She should have known what to say. They'd already danced around it for too long, and it was a miracle they even took the time to sit down to discuss it like adults.

Sokka closed the door to Yue's quarters — the only place on the ship even remotely private — behind the three of them. Suki, plenty familiar with the space, flopped on the bed like it was the most natural thing she could do, while Zuko hovered over her with uneasy, fleeting eyes, before taking a seat beside her slowly, like there was a possibility the bedsheet might burn his ass off. Suki patted her thigh, motioning for Sokka to join them, and he settled with his back against the wall, with his knee pressed to her hip.

In the end, Zuko was the one to break the silence. He was always the blunt one, the one to rip the bandage off and get it over with as fast as possible. "I don't think this is a good idea." 'This' being them, of course. His eyes were set on the blanket Aang had gifted Yue, a poorly knitted thing, well loved by their captain if the rumpled state it was in at the end of the bed was anything to go by.

Daring a look at Sokka, she found him already looking at her. He was expecting — hoping? — she would contradict Zuko, that she would come up with an argument, a sensible solution, an emotionally intelligent response that would prove him wrong.

Could she really when she couldn't help but agree with him?

She averted her eyes.

Sokka'd always been a hopeless romantic.

"Maybe the two of you could make it work, but. I have a responsibility after the war is over, whether I like it or not," Zuko continued after a beat. Right. He would go back to the Fire Nation and fix the damage done by the war as best as one person could and put his country back in the good graces of the world.

After finding out that his uncle wouldn't become the Firelord, Zuko shut down on them, despite respecting his decision. When he betrayed the Fire Nation officially, he gave up on the thought of one day leading his country to greatness. By the time he joined them, he deemed himself inadequate to repair years of propaganda and colonialism. He spiraled into self-doubt for a good few weeks before the crew had a sit down and properly planned how to tackle the issue of the Fire Nation. Now, he seemed to be motivated by this responsibility.

Despite his reluctance, there was a fire in his eyes she couldn't help but look at longingly.

Suki sighed. "I'm not even sure what I'll do after this is all over. Logically, I would go back home and train the next generation of Kyoshi Warriors." Thoughts of Kyoshi Island flowed through her, from before she met Sokka and Katara, from before Zuko's rogue crew found them, before Zhao's destruction touched them. She thought of Hidemi and Shufen and their little Shigeo and Jingyi, who probably wasn't so little anymore, of the warriors' quarters, of food and mountains and unagi. She thought of loneliness and feeling othered, of the elders' decision to refuse aid, which almost led to starvation, of feeling useless in the grand scheme of things. "I don't know, though," she ended softly.

Something heavy settled over Sokka, a sort of finality, a hopelessness she didn't want to think she and Zuko tainted him with. "Yeah, I want to help rebuild my village, maybe even try out for chief after dad retires. I know Katara would have wanted to if Aang didn't put that wanderlust in her, so. Gotta seize the chance before she changes her mind." It felt a little like he was trying to convince himself. To what? To not throw away his future so he could... so he could be with them? She avoided looking at him, again, feeling a sort of shame at her thoughts.

They all avoided looking at each other, still not bringing themselves to say it, instead excusing themselves from the conversation by voicing everything standing between them.

It was kind of pathetic.

Sokka would have said it. He already talked to Yue, and even if Suki didn't know how it went down, she knew Sokka, and how much he felt and how hard it was to keep pushing it down. She knew Yue, and she knew she needed time to find herself, to find the world after living her whole life in a birdcage.

Maybe Suki just needed time, too.

The thought of leaving it all behind and just traveling to her heart's content, of breaking out of the isolationism installed in her by the Kyoshi Island made her feel strangely guilty. The war would end, but it wouldn't truly be over. Healing took a long time and a lot of effort, and starting back up again when it felt like it was all falling apart. She was supposed to be there and help, it was part of her duty as a leader and someone her people looked up to.

But oh, how tempting it was to fuck it all and join Yue, to take her place as her second when everyone would leave to fix their homes into a new normal, to discover everything again by her side like two children falling in love with the outside.

It was a selfish thing to want.

Duty was a hard thing to bear.

"I do... I do like you two. A bit more than I'm comfortable with," she braved out, feeling her heart in her throat. If Sokka could do it, she could. She could face her feelings and get it over with, and maybe after that, she could sleep for the next hundred years like Aang.

"Uhm... me too." Somehow, Zuko surprised her every time. His face was red as a shrimp lobster, the words sounded clawed out, and he frankly looked like he'd rather be anywhere but there, but it was a step forward.

Sokka buried his face in his hands, letting out a whimper. She patted his thigh in sympathy. Taking a deep breath, he uncovered his face, though his eyes were still closed. "I am in love with you!" he raised his voice, loud and clear, as if fearing they wouldn't hear him.

She knew. She knew, but it still felt like a punch in the gut, and warmth began traveling to her head, threatening to boil her brain straight out of her ears. Zuko was in a similar situation, looking at Sokka with big incredulous eyes.

That knowledge had sat in the back of her mind like a coiling snake waiting to strike when she was most vulnerable, but for some time she'd just put the lid over the pot, knowing it wasn't the right time (it would never be the right time). The intensity at which Sokka was able to feel always shocked her.

Tears began pooling rapidly in her eyes, and, in a fit of panic, she slapped Sokka's thigh as hard as she was able in that state.

"Hey! What was that for?" he howled, finally opening his eyes.

"For-for just saying that like that! Jerk!" Zuko snarled in her place, very eloquently, but she agreed wholeheartedly. Being loved was hard to hear, and even harder to accept. She was surprised he didn't straight up punch Sokka for just blurting it out when they barely managed to say they liked each other.

"You're a jerk, jerk," Sokka pouted, rubbing the place she hit him.

"So what do we do now?" Now that it was out in the open, Suki found herself at a loss. The duties that awaited them after the war weighed down hard on their shoulders, with seemingly no future for the three of them together without sacrificing something much grander than themselves.

Zuko, somber as always, pointed out, "There is a possibility one of us might not come back alive."

"I really don't want to think about that right now, Zuko."

Suki sighed, feeling the weight of the world settling on her chest.

"Are we willing to get attached when we know it won't work?" Like it was a certainty that no matter what they would do, it would end in heartbreak.

"Aren't we already?"

Well. Sokka was right, once again.

[sueske]

What do you think of the "Sasuke loves Sakura it's just he can't express his emotions properly" take?

that's just ss coping as per usual. sasuke is able to vocalise his true feelings, it's just that oftentimes he can only do that in moments of extreme violence/emotional turmoil. like during the low when he gives up his life to protect naruto and we get to see his thoughts, when he tells naruto he willingly died for him before sasuke could achieve his own ambition. during vote1 he said his bond with naruto was not meaningless and he's become his closest/most intimate friend and gets another tomoe of the sharingan. during the reunion scene he gets up close and personal with naruto on the pretext of stabbing him yet still asks him why naruto is out there chasing him when naruto has is own dream. during the kage summit arc when sasuke is in that state, only naruto can make him stop and listen to what he says. sasuke tells hagoromo it's only naruto he needs to kill to be truly alone. during vote2 he calls naruto 'his one and only...... friend' with a chidori at the ready. he's only able to ask naruto to define 'friend' after they literally cannot move their bodies anymore and with each of them missing limbs, 'now that you can't move you sure are talking a lot.' not to mention how many times sasuke's sharingan was linked to naruto, to the point sasuke was sure he'd get the mangekyo if he killed naruto.

the only time was in part 1 where the above is even remotely applicable to ss is when sasuke referred to both naruto and sakura as 'precious comrades' during the fight against gaara - but he referred to them both and was giving them both an out, not just sakura. not to mention that sasuke spoke these words to naruto because sakura was out cold and not able to contribute to battle in meaningful ways as per the usual norm. not to mention sasuke did the same thing for kakashi (and the rest of team 7) in the low. but sasuke was able to break off the bonds he had with team 7 (his comrades) sans naruto the night where he left. again, he knocked sakura out with a 'thank you' and left. that was it for him, nothing else required to break off their bond, he wasn't affected emotionally by it like the way we see him be affected by naruto.

of course in part 2 in the moments where sasuke shows extreme violence to sakura, these words do not come out of him because he does not have these feelings towards her. during the reunion scene he was going to stab her with a sword to the point yamato said 'what out those eyes he's serious' and sasuke looked calm and collected. during the bridge scene sasuke was going to stab sakura in the back while she tended to karin, and then he held her by the throat while he was going to stab her with a kunai. no such emotional words at the time of violence for her. of course during the war, sasuke was only going to take naruto and juugo away from the battefield from what was sure to be a killing blow from obito. sakura would've died there but sasuke didn't even acknowledge that. sasuke protects naruto throughout the war multiple times (even before they got their yin and yang powers) and says he's the one that's going to cut off the past (with a slash just going through naruto in the team 7 photo) because naruto is his to protect and his to kill by his own hand, not sakura or kakashi. sakura also notes herself how sasuke didn't care that madara stabbed her. and sasuke was willing to let her fall into the lava which sakura notes again lol. when sakura confessed again sasuke put her in a genjutsu where he stabbed her. there were also moments of extreme violence against sakura, but none of the tenderness and emotional turmoil towards her that we got to see whenever naruto was involved.

and even if sasuke may keep some of his feelings to himself, we get to see his thoughts and they're always about naruto because sasuke never thinks of sakura outside of team 7. in sasuke's emotional monologue in 698/699 he explicitly states that he'd been watching naruto since before team 7 even formed and would feel relief at seeing him, how he hurt when naruto hurt, explicitly thinking how he would take on naruto's feelings and wishes just like he did his family's, how they'd be able to claim each other's pain. naruto was the only one who never stopped calling him his friend and thanks to naruto sasuke was saved. not anyone else.

maybe the reason kishimoto doesn't make sasuke say these words to sakura or think these words about sakura is just cuz sasuke doesn't have these sentiments towards her it's not that hard to understand. well unless you're in denial lol.

[winchesterszvonecek]

I See Red 18+

Chapter 18 - I’m Not Going Anywhere

Word Count: 9474

Series Masterlist | Full Masterlist

For the last twenty four hours, Selina had been an unwilling participant in what she was describing as mind-numbing, and constant, speculation about how she managed to control Crowley’s hound. To tell the truth she couldn’t care less about the hound itself let alone how she controlled it – as she had already kind of guessed the answer to that question. 

It had to have been because of Crowley, who was pretty much the only thing, or person rather, that she actually cared about right now, which is why she was doing her absolute best to block out the incessant ramblings of her brothers and their many theories. Some of which ranged from her having once “bathed” in the blood of a fellow hound, her having walked directly into hell as opposed to only her soul going, and the more plausible of them all, her being Lucifer’s vessel. 

Obviously none of those were even remotely true, but Selina couldn’t exactly tell the truth about how she controlled the hound without exposing her relationship with Crowley, so she simply continued to ignore them and instead tried to focus on how she was going to go about fixing said relationship.

Or worse, how she was going to end it. 

Ever since she told Crowley to go, Selina had been debating with herself constantly, about whether being in a committed relationship with the King of Hell really was a good idea after all. She knew from the very moment she started having feelings for him that it probably wasn’t, hence why she had resisted Crowley until she physically, and emotionally, couldn’t anymore. And even now she still wasn’t fully convinced that their relationship wouldn’t end in anything other than heartbreak but at the same time she wanted to be with him. Hell, at this point she needed to be with him, as every single second of the day that she wasn’t with him felt like agony.

Especially now, when all she could think about were those text messages, which would then morph into disturbing images about him and some other woman that left her feeling sick to her stomach. 

Selina knew exactly why this whole ordeal was so hard for her. Why the thought of ending the relationship, regardless of any suspected infidelity, was utterly heartbreaking. She was in love with him. She was so deeply, so madly in love with Crowley that even the mere thought of losing him was enough to make her feel utterly paralysed and at this point, she had absolutely no idea what to do next. 

“Hey,” Sam said softly, giving Selina a gentle nudge which forced her to fall out of her thoughts and back into the real world, allowing him to continue, “are you doing okay? You’ve been picking at your food since you sat down.”

“Yeah,” Selina exhaled, forcing a weak smile that she knew Sam would see right through yet she didn’t have the energy to care about. She pulled her hand back from the table, where it had, indeed, spent the last… however long since Dean and Castiel brought the food home, picking at her fries. “Yeah, I’m okay. I guess I’m just not that hungry.”

“Rowena did say that the side effects of such powerful magic can cause loss of appetite,” Sam replied, as though trying to ease his own worries as under normal circumstances, Selina would have demolished that burger and fries. And sent Castiel off for seconds. 

“I still can’t believe you called Crowley’s mother for advice,” Dean muttered, shaking his head briefly as he shoved the last of his fries into his mouth and subtly eyed up Selina’s untouched meal. 

“Crowley thought she could help,” Sam said in defence – of his own actions, of course. He’d never defend Crowley, regardless of the strange friendship he had with Selina that prompted him to recommend Rowena to them in the first place. 

At the mention of Crowley, Selina’s stomach began to churn so much that she actually slid her entire meal across the table towards Dean, whose eyes widened like a child opening presents on their birthday. She then stood up, downing the last of her soda as sometimes the fizziness would help settle her stomach and she was really hoping that would be the case here as she truly couldn’t take feeling like this anymore. 

And yes, she knew how to stop herself from feeling like this – by talking to Crowley. But she just wasn’t sure whether she could manage to do that right now so instead she’d opt for soda. 

“I’m just gonna take a shower and then go to bed,” Selina said around a fake yawn, ignoring Castiel’s eyes that had been glued, almost suspiciously, to her since the moment he brought her home yesterday. She had a feeling he might have figured out the truth about her and Crowley, therefore she had been avoiding him like the plague in order to avoid that conversation.  

Leaving the room before anyone could so much as bid her a goodnight, Selina walked as quickly as she could down the corridor, in hopes that she could get away and be by herself for the rest of the night in order to wallow in her own self pity. However, to her everlasting and unfortunate luck, Castiel had decided to follow after her and just seconds before she could slip into the shower room, he called her name and she immediately froze in place.

Here we go, Selina thought to herself. Here was the dreaded moment in which he told her that he knew her dirty little secret, and was giving her one chance to either break things off with Crowley, or to come clean to her brothers about their relationship – neither of which Selina was overly fond about doing. 

“I know you wish to rest so I’ll make this quick,” Castiel said, stepping around Selina in order to face her as it didn’t seem like she was going to turn around herself. He noticed the way she held her breath, as though she knew what he was going to say – which didn’t surprise him as she was very intuitive. Although in this case, she seemed to be a little off in what she was expecting as his next words took her greatly by surprise. “Back when I was working with Crowley, I quickly came to learn that he hates pretty much everyone. But the way he is with you. The way he looks at you… There’s no doubt in my mind that he would ever be unfaithful towards you.”

“I…” Selina began, about to babble out some nonsense about how she had absolutely no idea what Castiel was talking about, but given the fact that he could easily sense when someone was lying and the fact that Selina didn’t have the energy to lie, all she did was sigh, “How did you know?”

“I had my suspicions for a while now, but I, uh, I heard you both arguing yesterday,” Castiel confessed, watching as Selina nodded her head gently and fiddled with her necklace – part of him wondering if she even knew the truth behind it or whether she thought it was nothing more than a simple ruby.

“I don’t know what to do, Cas,” Selina said, her voice a little shaky and the second she felt the lump rise in her throat she quickly swallowed it down as she would not allow herself to cry again. Although she wouldn’t lie, it did feel nice to finally have someone she could be honest with as truthfully, keeping this secret was becoming mentally exhausting. 

“Do what you think is right.”

“None of this is right,” Selina admitted, trying her best to keep her voice down as words tended to travel easily through the bunker corridors. She didn’t like admitting to herself, let alone anyone else, that what she was doing was wrong, but she just couldn’t deny it any longer. “Crowley is a demon. There’s nothing right about this at all.”

“At one time I would have agreed with you, but the more time I spend on Earth the more I come to realise that things don’t always have to be right. Sometimes, they just have to make you happy.” And with that Castiel walked off, as in his mind he’d said all he needed to say in order to hopefully get through to Selina.

Unfortunately though it would take a lot more than that to get through to her. She’d spent her whole life giving up her own happiness for the sake of others, so to her there was really no difference here as chances are she’d never be truly happy. In her mind there were only two options: one, she stays with Crowley and most likely loses her brothers in the process or two, she chooses her brothers and in turn loses Crowley. Either way, neither of those ended with her being truly happy so really all she could do now was think about which one of those options would be the easiest to live with. 

In a perfect world she’d be able to talk to Sam and Dean about it – or rather, in a perfect world she would be able to keep both her brothers and Crowley but given that God hates this world and likes to watch it suffer, that wasn’t a viable option here. Anyway, she really wished she could talk to Sam and Dean, as both of them had, at one point, given up someone they loved for this life, which she knows isn't exactly the same as her scenario but it’s as close as she could ever get it to be. 

However, given who it was that she loved and how that would play out should she tell them, Selina decided she couldn’t risk opening that door and instead opted to carry on with her night alone and go for a shower. 

Showers normally brought Selina a sense of comfort and peace, meaning she ended up staying in them until her skin went wrinkly and the steam made her lightheaded. But in this case, it only offered her ample time to be alone with her thoughts and given what those thoughts were revolving around and how badly they made her want to curl up into a ball, she decided to cut her shower incredibly short and head back to her room where hopefully, she could distract herself with one of her comfort movies.

Closing, and locking, her bedroom door behind her, Selina allowed her towel to drop from around her and grabbed her robe from the back of the door, securing it tightly around her waist as she delved further into the room. She went to undo her hair, as she often tied it up for showers in which she didn’t wash it, but the second her hand touched the top of her head she remembered – she hadn’t needed to tie it up as her hair was now short enough that it wouldn’t get wet in the shower. 

And truth be told, that only gave her another reason to be upset. 

Dropping her hand back down to her side and resisting the urge to just scream until she started to feel better, Selina grabbed her remote from her bedside table and switched on the TV. She went instantly to the app Charlie had installed for her, allowing her to watch anything she could ever possibly want and meaning she had each and every one of her comfort movies on stand-by. She even had a brand new documentary she could watch about penguins, as she loved penguins, but chances are it would make only her cry and she really didn’t want to cry, therefore a comfort movie was the safest option. 

And after scrolling for a few minutes she quickly decided on her all time favourite, and guaranteed to distract her, comfort movie – Saw 3.

The movie began to play as Selina dug around in her drawers for a pair of specific pyjamas, and by specific she meant her biggest, baggiest t-shirt and the comfiest pair of shorts she owned. Most of her pyjamas were comfortable, don't get her wrong, but sometimes you just really want that one specific pair and in this case, Selina didn’t need anything else irritating her tonight so the less chances she gave herself of that happening, the better. 

After locating the pyjamas and quickly throwing them on, Selina settled on the edge of her bed and ran both hands down her face, stretching out her skin with how hard she’d pressed down in order to feel something other than pain and tiredness. She was utterly exhausted as she hadn’t slept a wink last night, and something told her she wouldn’t tonight either as there was a hell of a lot more on her mind than there had been yesterday. 

Part of her was tempted to ask Castiel to simply put her to sleep but chances are he’d make talk to Crowley first as that would be “more healthy” than an angelic coma, but she wasn’t feeling up to arguing with him about it and instead, she simply accepted her fate. She tossed the remote aside and shuffled back onto her bed, glancing behind her to make sure she wasn’t about to sit on Kit, who was actually on top of her wardrobe. When she looked forwards again, she was immediately greeted by Death, who was now standing at the edge of her bed and had made her jump so much she was pretty sure she had levitated for a second.

“Motherf…” Selina began, before she pressed her lips firmly shut as she never liked swearing in front of primordial beings in case they didn’t like it and scattered her atoms across the universe. “Don’t you people ever knock?”

“Do you?” Death said in retort, unphased by her attitude as he’d grown used to it over the years. He raised his eyebrow, swapping his cane from one hand to the other as Selina simply rolled her lips in response, choosing not to reply as he had a point. She had walked into his library unannounced and uninvited, so she really wasn’t one to talk about manners.

“Why are you here?” Selina asked instead, wanting to speed things along as she had some torture to get back to watching and as fond as she was of Death, he wasn’t the black suit wearing supernatural being she really wanted to see right now. 

“I’m here because I’m fed up with your incessant moping.” Death said, as he never was one to beat around the bush.

“My moping?” Selina repeated, her eyes widened. “Why do you care if I’m moping? No actually, wait a second, how do you know that I’m moping? Are you spying on me?”

“Don’t flatter yourself, Selina, I have far more important things to do than spy on you,” Death replied, as coldly as ever. He took a step forward, glancing briefly towards the screen where he wasn’t at all surprised to see what was playing and had been wondering how long it would take before she buried her emotions in violence.

“Then I’ll ask you again, how do you know I’m moping?” Selina asked, a little fed up. And to tell the truth, a little offended that he was accusing her of moping – which she was, but shush, she didn’t need to hear it out loud.

“Because I can feel it.” Death told her, to which Selina’s eyebrows dipped from utter confusion. “And quite frankly, I’m sick of it.”

“Wait, you can feel it? What? Are you saying we’re connected or something?” Selina said around a nervous chuckle. 

“That’s exactly what I’m saying.” Death replied, and due to the fact that he didn’t lie, nor did he have much of a sense of humour, Selina didn’t think he was joking. 

“Yeah, I don’t think I like that,” Selina said, crossing her arms and running her hands up and down the sides of them as her entire body seemed to shiver. If they really were connected and he really could feel her moping, then what the hell else could he feel?

“Tough,” Death said bluntly, taking a final step forward to where there was no longer a gap between his legs and the end of her bed, making Selina shuffle back a little as he seemed a lot more intimidating now than he’d ever been. “You should have thought about that before you agreed to wear my ring in order to save your brother’s soul. Not to mention having not only been to my library, but owning the key as well. Now because of all that, we have the unfortunate issue of sharing a connection and let me just say, I am far more aggrieved by it than you could ever be.”

Selina went to reply, more than likely with something snappy, which is probably why Death cut her off before she could so much as get out the first syllable of her first word as he didn’t have the patience to deal with her attitude, not when he’d felt enough of it yesterday.

“I have an important role in this universe, and in many others, but I can’t exactly play it when all I can feel is you moping around here like a teenage girl having a strop, now can I?” Death finished, finding himself a little taken aback that Selina hadn’t mouthed off to him in response like she’d been about to. 

Instead she had closed her mouth fully and dropped her eyes to her lap, where her fingers fiddled anxiously with a loose thread on the hem of her shirt as unknown to him, his tone of voice had thrown her right back to her childhood and for a second, all she heard was John. 

“Selina, I know what you’re dealing with,” Death said, with a surprisingly softer tone than one might have thought possible from him, causing Selina to look back up at him now that he no longer resembled her father. “I know that you have trust issues. I know that everyone around you, your family included, has lied to you about one thing or another, and that would give anyone the right to be doubtful. But I also know that Crowley cares for you. That he has put his entire life on the line for you and if you think he would jeopardise all that by fooling around with some low-level demon then you’re a lot less smarter than I thought you were.” 

“If you know I have trust issues,” Selina began, ignoring the rapid beat of her heart beneath her rib, “then what makes you think I’m gonna believe anything you have to say to me?”

“What would I possibly gain from lying?”

“Peace,” Selina said bluntly, shuffling herself up a little further against the headboard. “You just said I was annoying you with my moping. But if I’m no longer moping, then you get peace.”

“If all I wanted was peace, I would simply sever the connection by killing you,” Death said plainly, and Selina wouldn’t lie, she considered asking him to do that just so she would get some peace of her own. 

“What else do you want then?” Selina asked curiously. “If not only peace.”

“I want you to be happy,” Death replied, before he suddenly teleported directly in front of Selina and lightly placed two fingers to her forehead. “So close your eyes, and watch.”

Selina’s eyes closed, whether by her own volition or Death’s she had no idea, but she didn’t get much chance to think on that, not when her mind suddenly fell out of the grey swirl of nothingness it had currently been in and landed smack bang in the middle of the one place she longed to be – Crowley’s bedroom. For a second she felt sick, as though she might see her worst fear come to life in the shape of Crowley and another woman, but when she scanned the room and found the bed empty, she slowly started to relax. 

A few seconds passed by until eventually, Crowley returned to his room. She knew this must have been before her accusations of infidelity as he seemed to be a lot happier than she suspected him of being now, especially since his eyes were glued to his phone, and when Selina shuffled forward a little to peek over his shoulder, her heart nearly burst at what was displayed on screen.

Her. 

Crowley was staring at the last picture she had sent him before their fight and in that moment Selina knew she’d been crazy. She knew Crowley would never cheat on her, not with the way he was currently gazing at a simple picture of her with what she could only hope was love in his eyes, as with each slowly passing second she found herself falling deeper in love with him and it really would crush her to learn he was incapable of loving her back.

In fact, Selina was so fixated on Crowley and his potential inability to love that she hadn’t even noticed that someone else had entered the room, not until a faint, muffled voice pulled both her own, and Crowley’s, attention towards it. She couldn’t hear anything this new addition was saying but it wouldn’t take a degree in rocket science to come to the conclusion that this was Lola, wearing the body of an attractive and curvy brunette woman, who would have caught most men’s eyes within minutes. 

But when it came to Crowley, he didn’t even look at her twice. He barely answered her either, his eyes continuously flicking down to his phone where Selina’s picture still resided. And it wasn’t until Guthrie entered the room a few moments later, looking a little flustered and if Selina had read his lips right, as for some reason she couldn’t make out anything they were saying in this… memory, or whatever it was, then she was fairly certain he had muttered something about a hellhound. 

At that, Selina caught the scheming way in which Lola smiled, and when Crowley absently set his phone next to his discarded coat before following Guthrie outside the room, she slipped a hex-bag into his pocket. Seconds later, Crowley’s phone pinged with the very message that had started all of this and from that moment, Selina finally knew the truth. 

The world around her started to fade and before she knew it, Selina was back in her room. She blinked a few times, trying to stop her head from spinning and once it did, not only did she notice that Death was now gone, but that the pain she had felt in her chest was now surpassing the point of unbearable. She knew what she had to do. She had to talk to Crowley, she had to tell him she was sorry and that she knew the truth but at the same time she wasn’t sure she’d be able to get the words out without crying.

So instead, Selina grabbed her phone, opened up her text thread with Crowley, deleted the previous messages in order to put them behind her and then, she began to type.

Selina: I don’t know if you even want to hear from me but I need you to know that I know what really happened. I know you didn’t cheat on me and I should have listened to you. I should have trusted you but instead I blew things up like I usually do and for that I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, and I understand if you’ve had enough and you want to call it quits but I just want you to know that I miss you… and I really wish you were here with me right now. 

Chewing anxiously on the skin of her lip and never once drawing her eyes away from the screen, Selina waited… And waited… Until eventually, those three little dots appeared on screen, indicating that Crowley was typing and helping spark an ounce of hope in her chest that perhaps she’d just been over dramatic in thinking she’d ruined everything, and that maybe Crowley could forgive her for blowing things out of proportion. 

However, as the dots continued to bounce up and down and as each painstakingly long second passed by, Selina’s heartbeat started to increase and her stomach began to churn. And when those three hopeful dots disappeared, with no message following behind them, she was pretty certain that she had well and truly fucked things up. 

With a faint click her phone screen went black and she tossed it aside before slouching down against her headboard, wishing she had more than four pillows so she could bury herself away in them forever. She knew she never should have made Crowley go without hearing him out first and now, because she had done just that, she was paying the price. 

Selina turned onto her side, her back facing away from the TV screen that was still playing as she pulled her duvet up as far as she could, until only her face was peeking out from beneath it — she never could fully hide away underneath it as it always made her feel like she was suffocating. And speaking of things she could feel, her eyes were already starting to sting with tears and she very nearly gave in in allowing them to fall. 

Until she heard him. 

“I’m here, Selina.” 

The duvet cover almost went flying across the room with the mere force in which Selina threw it off herself, part of her having trouble believing it was actually Crowley she heard and not her imagination being cruel and twisted. But when she saw him standing there, looking a little more dishevelled than she’d been in the memory, her heart nearly burst in her chest and those first few tears slowly rolled down her cheeks. She didn’t even bother getting off the bed and instead shuffled down it on her knees, falling forward instantly when she knew she’d be met with Crowley’s chest and not the cold, cement floor beneath them. 

“I’m sorry,” Selina whispered, burying her face in the crook of Crowley’s neck as he wrapped his arms tightly around her. Like seriously, he could have snapped her in half with how much strength he was using. Not that Selina minded though, she was just glad to see that she hadn’t ruined things like she’d originally thought. “I never should have told you to go.” 

“It’s okay, darling.” Crowley said assuringly, soothingly. He was about to raise one hand up to stroke the back of Selina’s head the way he knew she liked before she lifted it, her eyes glassy and he could tell by the dark circles beneath them that she’d been beating herself up since the moment he left.

“No, it’s not okay,” Selina shook her head as she removed her arms from around his neck, instead curling her fingers around the lapels of his coat as though she were afraid he’d leave. “I should have listened to you… I should have let you explain what happened instead of being difficult…” 

Crowley then went to speak, more than likely to explain that he hadn’t meant what he’d said and it had just been in the heat of the moment (and thank God it wasn’t Tuesday). But before he could do so much as let out a breath, Selina raised one hand and lightly placed her thumb on his lips, stopping him from going any further as he wasn’t the one who needed to explain himself here. 

She was. 

“Don’t,” she said softly, slowly drawing her thumb down his lips to land on his chin before the rest of her fingers splayed out over his cheek. “You were right. I was being difficult and I know that now. I know I should have listened to you. That I should have trusted you, and I do. I trust you with my life but sometimes… 

“Sometimes I can’t help but be sceptical about whether or not something is real. I mean, look at my past. Look at how many times I’ve been lied to. How many times I’ve been betrayed… These days I barely even trust myself, and when I saw those messages, and with what happened after I guess… I guess that part of my mind was just scaring me into believing that maybe none of this was ever real.”

“Selina, this is real,” Crowley said seriously, taking her face in his hands and wiping away the few lone tears that continued to slide down her freckled cheeks. “What I feel for you is real.” 

“I know. And that’s what scares me,” she replied, her voice barely even a whisper. But it was loud enough for Crowley to hear, and loud enough for him to narrow his eyes a little in question, prompting Selina to add, “My whole life I’ve never had… this. I’ve never been in a serious relationship before and I was fine with that. I was fine with never having known what it felt like to be in love but now… Now that I finally know what that feels like…” Selina took a breath, which trembled lightly as she watched Crowley’s eyes slowly widen at her confession. “That’s what truly scares me because I don’t know how to love someone. All I know is that I do… I love you… And it’s totally okay if you can’t say it back…” 

Before Selina could say anything else, Crowley placed his thumb on her lips, just as she’d done to him only moments ago, cutting her off and stopping her from rambling on as something told him she was about to. And as much as he’d normally love to listen to her ramble on about things, he really needed her to be quiet. Otherwise, he might never have been able to gather enough strength to say the next four words that slipped past his lips. 

“I love you too.” 

“You do?” Selina said, and with how soft her tone sounded, not to mention the way in which her eyes danced with hope, Crowley knew for certain that she’d truly needed to hear that.

“I do.” Crowley nodded briefly, lightly drawing his thumb across the length of her jawline before his fingers travelled up the side of her face and tucked her hair behind her ear. “I have for some time now only I never knew how to say it out loud… I had simply hoped that my actions were enough to help show you that I did.” 

“I had hoped that you did,” Selina confessed, dropping her eyes a little as she always hated how pathetic she felt whenever she showed any sort of vulnerability. “But then again, I’m not as good at reading people as I think I am. Mainly because half the time they’re saying one thing yet they mean something completely different.” 

“I mean what I said,” Crowley said seriously, almost sternly as though he were trying to make sure it sunk into her, honestly stubborn, head. The last thing he wanted was for her to be living with doubts her whole life — as that’s how long he intended to be with her, until the harsh reality of humanity stole her away from him — so he really needed her to know that he meant it. “I love you, Selina. Only you.” 

“And I love you,” Selina whispered, followed behind by a short, shaky breath that might have been a full on sob had she not managed to compose herself a little. She’d never had a non-relative say they loved her, so to have not only the person she loved say it back, but for that person to be Crowley? It was all a lot for her to take in right now. 

However, she didn’t get long to think about that, or about how she was going to come out and tell her brothers who she was in love with before Crowley pulled her in for what she could only describe as the kiss of a lifetime. On one hand his fingers were tangled in her hair, gripping it gently to keep her firmly in place against his lips. His other fell to her hip, where his fingertips were slowly dipping deeper into her clothed flesh, causing Selina to arch her body towards him and hum softly into his mouth. 

“God, that sound alone is enough to make me never want to look at another woman again,” Crowley breathed out, taking Selina’s lips in his again before she even had a chance to breathe let alone say anything in response. 

Not that she even knew what to say, her mind was too far gone with the mere touch and taste of Crowley that she hadn’t even realised he’d lowered her back onto the bed. It wasn’t until her body sunk into the mattress and her leg absently hooked around the back of his, did she pick up on where he so clearly wanted this to go. But no matter how addicting the feather light brushes of his fingers across her thigh were, and as much as she wanted to experience make-up sex for the first time, as she had a feeling it would be something else entirely and that she’d reach even higher peaks than ever before, she simply couldn’t. 

“Wait, wait,” Selina gasped out, as Crowley had chosen that exact moment in time to sink his teeth into the skin of her neck. “Fuck… Stop, please, stop.” 

Crowley stopped instantly, removing his wandering hand from beneath her shirt and instead using it to hold himself up, remaining towered over her as she had yet to push him off. She had also yet to remove her leg from around his, so he was pretty certain that she was okay with that particular part of the situation. Though, that didn’t mean he wasn’t a little worried. That maybe he might have been going too far too quickly. Or worse, that he had hurt her. 

“Are you okay? Did I hurt you?” Crowley asked, bringing his free hand up to lightly brush his thumb over the spot on her neck where he was convinced he’d bitten too hard. 

“No, no, you didn’t hurt me,” Selina said quickly, assuringly, and with a sweet smile that remained on her face even when she leaned up to place a soft kiss to his lips, feeling the way his face, and body, softened with relief. “You did everything exactly right, I just,” she let out a sigh, dropping her head back onto the bed and glancing up at him, “God, I would love nothing more than to have make-up sex with you right now but I can’t.” 

“Are you worried your brothers might hear us?” Crowley asked curiously, watching as Selina’s face suddenly dropped as though she’d just remembered exactly where she was and who was around her. 

“I am now,” she huffed out around a nervous chuckle, and suddenly she was glad she had locked her bedroom door as explaining their current position to anyone who barged into her room would not be fun. “But, uh, no. No, that wasn’t it. I uh, I’m sort of… on my period.” 

“Ah, I see,” Crowley replied plainly, making no move to pull himself back off her in disgust like she assumed most men would. “Although I must say, that’s never bothered me before and now that you mention it, I do recall reading a little something about how an orgasm can do wonders for a woman’s cramps.” 

Selina laughed softly, “Oh, did you now?” 

Had this been anyone else she might have felt inclined to bring up how cocky it sounded in him assuming he could pull an orgasm from her, but given that it was Crowley, who never failed to do so, and more times than one she might add, she didn’t even stop to think about that. 

“I did,” Crowley said quietly, leaning down to kiss her gently, feeling her hands lift up to his face and when she began to run her thumbs along the lining of his beard his heart very nearly exploded in his chest as for a time there, he wasn’t sure whether he’d feel that again. “What do you say we try it out?” 

“As tempting as that sounds,” Selina began, craning herself up to take his lips in hers again and quietly murmuring against them, “I just find period sex too uncomfortable to want to do it… Especially when Saw 3 is playing in the background.” 

“Is it?” Crowley said in genuine surprise, glancing over his shoulder towards the TV and catching the final breath of life leaving some guy after his limbs were twisted from his body. Guess the sounds of torture where nothing more than white noise to him now. Although… the manner in which this particular character died was intriguing, therefore he mumbled aloud, “Huh, perhaps I should be taking notes instead.” 

At that, Selina couldn’t help but chuckle as she gave him a playful nudge on the arm, drawing Crowley's attention back to her, where once he saw that intoxicating smile of hers again all thoughts of torture left his mind and he couldn’t help but lean down to kiss her, wanting to feel said smile against his lips before it disappeared.  

“But maybe you still want to stay the night?” Selina asked, almost timidly yet so full of hope that she thought she might drown in it. 

“Darling, you don’t even need to ask,” Crowley replied, placing one last kiss on her lips before pulling back. He then took Selina’s hand, helping to lift her back to her previous position and once she was settled on her knees he slipped his arms around her waist and held her as close to him as he possibly could, needing to feel her heartbeat against his as had things gone differently yesterday, Selina’s heart may never have beat again. 

“Crowley?” Selina murmured against his neck, hearing a faint hum leave Crowley’s lips in response as he did nothing but rub slow circles on her back with his hand. “Why did Lola really try to kill me?”

“Because of me,” Crowley said around a sigh, pulling back just enough to be able to look Selina in the eyes and when he saw that hint of sadness, mixed with jealousy, lingering behind them, it prompted him to correct himself, “or rather, because she hates me. And would find immense pleasure in crushing my very being.”

“Then why not just kill me herself?” Selina questioned, ignoring the flutter of her stomach over hearing that her death would crush Crowley's entire being. If he hadn't already confessed his love for her then that sentence alone would have done it for him as just knowing that she was his weakness, and that his demons knew it too, was enough for any lingering doubts Selina may have had in her mind to swiftly fade away. “Why go through all that trouble?”

“I believe she thought she could maximise my pain and suffering by having you die by my hands,” Crowley explained, to which the realisation soon clouded over Selina’s eyes – she hadn't thought of it that way. “She released my hound not only to lure you out of here, but in hopes that I would blame myself for it having torn you to pieces, and that I would have to live with the belief that you died thinking I was responsible. Or in this case, that you had died believing that I had been unfaithful.”

“You think she somehow knew that you would accidentally leave your phone sitting out?”

“No. Despite her reputation as a homewrecker I believe that was simply a case of her being in the right place at the right time. An added bonus if you will. And as for the hex-bag, it was nothing more than a back-up should Juliette have failed in taking you out. Just another way she could pin the blame on me for your death.” Crowley explained, and Selina gently nodded her head, yet she continued to chew anxiously at her lip. “You don’t need to worry about Lola anymore, darling, I took care of her.”

“No, I know. I figured you would, but it’s just…” Selina sighed, slumping back to rest against her heels which caused Crowley’s arms to loosen from around her and fall back to his sides. “She was on your phone.. She saw your background, she saw our messages… Our photos… What’s to say she hasn’t told your entire asylum about us? What’s to say my brothers aren’t finding out about us right now from some random demon looking for immunity from them?”

“They have to find out about us sometime,” Crowley said softly, settling himself on the edge of Selina’s bed and taking her hand, placing a light kiss against her knuckles. “We can’t live like this forever.”

“I know,” Selina sighed, running her fingers through her hair as she couldn’t help but feel a little frustrated. “But I wanted to be the one to tell them. I didn’t want them to have to find out by having some demon send them screenshots of our messages.”

“Now you’re just getting ahead of yourself,” Crowley shuffled closer to her, placing his hand aside Selina’s face and turning it to face him properly. At the same time his other landed atop hers, stopping her from tapping it against her thigh in a fluster. “Chances are Lola didn’t even think to do anything with what she saw… Why would she? She assumed her plan would work and that you’d be dead, so in her mind she wouldn’t have needed to expose us. Especially when it would only give your brothers added ammunition towards hunting me down and we both know Lola didn’t want me dead. She wanted me to suffer and I couldn’t exactly do that if your brothers killed me now could I?” 

“I suppose,” Selina reluctantly agreed. She knew Crowley made a valid point but it still didn’t help ease the pit that was rapidly growing in her stomach. “I guess I’m just scared to see how they’ll react when they do find out.” 

“Well unless you’re planning on telling them now, you needn’t worry,” Crowley said, gently bringing Selina’s face towards him in order to place a soft kiss to her forehead in hopes that it would help her relax, as oftentimes, it did. And in this case it was no different as the second he pulled back from her he could already tell that she was a lot more relaxed than she’d been a minute ago. “Oh, I almost forgot to say… I love your new haircut.”   

“That makes one of us,” Selina mumbled, dropping her eyes to where the ends of her hair now lay splayed out across her shoulders and hating having been reminded of it. Though that didn’t mean she didn’t smile just a little, as she never could resist it when Crowley would compliment her – which was damn near all the time and something told her he did if that often simply because she smiled like that. 

“You don’t like it?” Crowley asked curiously, lifting his hand to run his palm down the length of her hair, allowing him to feel the softness of her loose curls beneath it as she timidly shook her head. “How come?”

What Selina meant to respond with was a made-up story about how she’d gone to the salon and the stylist had cut it a lot shorter than she would have wanted, but when she opened her mouth she quickly found that it had chosen to go against her mind and before she could stop herself, she was telling Crowley everything. And by everything, she meant everything. From what had happened to make her have to cut her hair, to why doing just that had upset her so much – aka, her deep seated issues of childhood trauma. 

It didn’t stop there though, as once Selina got going in talking about her childhood she found it rather difficult to stop. She guessed it was due to the fact that she never spoke about it to anyone, whether it be her brothers, who obviously knew about it but just hadn’t actually heard about it from Selina’s own lips, or whether it had been Bobby, or perhaps even a therapist — who it probably should have been but at this point it was probably too late for that. Whoever it may have been, she had simply chosen not to have to burden them with her own issues as she was well aware they all had their own. But when it came to Crowley, she just couldn’t seem to stop herself and honestly, by the time she got done telling him about her abandoned stuffed bunny, she didn’t even want to stop. 

“To this day I still think about that bunny,” Selina carried on, not even bothering to stop for breath half the time as she knew it would only make her crumble. “His name was Sir Hops-A-Lot. Childish I know, but I was five years old at the time so I thought it was appropriate. I still remember the day Dean got him for me. He’d spent the last of his own money trying to win him for me in one of those giant claw machines, instead of using it to buy himself pie or whatever it was that he had wanted.

“I don’t recall whether I had cried when Dean gave it to me but I certainly remember crying when my so-called father grabbed him out of my hands and threw him from the car window. I’ll never forget watching as we drove away from it. When I was trying my hardest to cry in silence so John wouldn’t shout at me again.”

At that point Selina finally took a second to breathe and when she did, it suddenly clicked in her mind that she had been rambling on and on about her childhood for a good twenty minutes or so. Obviously, she hadn’t intended to say any of that out loud, especially when all Crowley asked her was why she didn’t like her hair, but there was just something about having him with her that made her actually want to tell him everything. Not only because she thought it might help her feel better about it and that maybe she’d start to heal from it, but because she knew it wouldn’t scare him away once he found out how messed up she truly was. 

“Sorry, you just got a lot more than you bargained for there,” Selina said through a nervous chuckle, wiping at her eyes as at some point during her confessional, they’d started to water.

“Don’t apologise, love,” Crowley said softly, despite the anger he felt over hearing how she had been treated. He may not have been the best father himself and he was definitely a lot worse than Selina’s had been but that didn’t make him feel any less hatred towards John Winchester – who he would absolutely be visiting in Hell in order to torture him personally. 

John may have climbed out of Hell once that Devil’s Gate opened but there was absolutely no way he was getting into Heaven after the things he’d done and once he helped take down Azazel, he was swiftly thrown back to where he well and truly belonged. 

“You know you can talk to me about anything,” Crowley continued, using his thumbs to wipe Selina’s tears away. “I may not have the best advice to give you on whatever the subject may be but I’ll always listen. And I’ll always be here to comfort you afterwards.”

“It’s a little concerning how two of the things I go to for comfort are directly related to torture.” 

“Are you telling me that Saw 3 is your comfort movie?” Crowley asked, his eyebrow raised a touch and when all Selina did was press her lips together, answering that question without the need for words, he couldn’t stop himself from chuckling. 

“You just heard how fucked up my childhood was, what do you expect?” Selina defended, and Crowley couldn’t help but agree with her. “Honestly it was between that and this documentary that came out recently about penguins but that probably would have made me cry and I’m feeling fragile enough as it is so I went for the safest option.”

“Do you want to watch the documentary now?” Crowley asked, ghosting his thumb down Selina’s chin as he honestly just wanted to give her as many comforting touches as humanly possible, which was funny given her previous hatred for actually being touched. But he was just assuming that he didn’t count in that as any time he so much as brushed against her, she wouldn’t hesitate to gravitate towards him. 

“You want to watch a documentary about penguins with me?” Selina asked, her eyes a little widened as Crowley exactly didn’t strike her as the documentary type. 

“Darling, I would watch paint dry with you,” Crowley said without hesitation, making Selina smile sweetly as she leaned closer to him, her gaze continuously shifting between his eyes and his lips.

“And they say romance is dead,” Selina replied with a touch of humour, before cutting off Crowley’s motion to smile with what he was now calling the sweetest kiss she could have ever possibly given him. She pulled back just a little, taking a second to simply gaze into his eyes before adding, “I don’t know if what we’re doing is right, and I don’t know if it’s a good idea either… But what I do know is that you make me happier than I’ve ever felt before, and according to a very wise angel that's all that truly matters.”

“Wait, are you saying…?”

“Cas knows about us,” Selina said, with a rather sheepish smile as she wasn’t sure how Crowley would take that news as one of the last times he saw Castiel, he had just dug his hand into the angel’s chest in order to pry the angel tablet out from beneath his ribs. “But I don’t think we need to worry. He didn’t seem like he was out for blood, more so that he was just glad to see that I was finally happy.”

At that, Crowley’s face softened, “I’m glad I make you happy, my love, and I’m glad I don't have to worry about murderous angels either.”

“I wouldn’t lower your guard just yet,” Selina teased, ignoring the swarm of butterflies that were currently overriding her stomach over hearing Crowley call her my love. “At least, not until I tell him we’re back on good terms.”

“Well, I shall watch my back,” Crowley said humorously, pecking a soft kiss to Selina’s lips before the two of them climbed into her bed and began to learn all there was to know about penguins. 

Or rather Crowley was learning, as it appeared as though Selina already knew all there was to know about penguins and even took it upon herself to tell him her favourite facts about her favourite types of penguins anytime there was a moment of silence in the actual documentary. 

Crowley didn’t have a single interest in penguins but when it came to Selina not only would he watch as many documentaries as she wanted, but he would also gladly listen to her babble on about Emperors until the day he died if it made her happy.

After another few documentaries and a trip to Selina’s favourite burger place as she’d grown hungry throughout the evening and was demanding cheese fries, Selina eventually fell asleep. Honestly, Crowley was surprised it had taken her so long as she had been yawning ever since she first laid her head on his chest and at one point had nearly drifted off into her milkshake before jolting awake. 

Nevertheless, he was just glad to see her eyes had finally closed as he could tell by her dark circles beneath them, and slightest redness within them, that she more than likely hadn’t gotten any sleep last night, therefore he was really hoping that nothing would wake her up until late the next morning. 

However, at around 3am when Crowley was playing a game on his phone with the brightness fully down, he began to hear a strange noise. He had no idea what the noise was, as he’d never heard anything quite like it before. So, he quietly set his phone aside and as gently as he could, he shuffled up the headboard a little more, freezing the instant Selina stirred in her sleep as he thought he’d woken her. But when all she did was nuzzle closer to him, he allowed himself to relax and instead refocused his attention back on the strange noise.

It sounded almost like scratching. Perhaps shuffling even, as though there were a large rat or possibly a raccoon inside the walls, but considering the impenetrable fortress made out of literal cement that Selina lived in, it was highly unlikely that that was the case. The more the noise continued though, the more Crowley kept thinking it was an animal, and just when he was about to click his fingers in order to get rid of any potential critters that might be within the bunker walls, that’s when it hit him.

Selina had a cat. 

Lowering the hand that might have almost snapped Selina’s cat out of existence, Crowley sighed. The noise was still going and the more he listened, the more he realised that it was coming from beneath him, confirming his suspicions that it was, indeed, Kit, as he seemed to recall seeing the feline lounging atop the wardrobe all night and only coming down when Selina offered him fries. 

Obviously Crowley didn’t want to wake Selina, not for something she was probably used to given that she had had Kit for some time now but the noise was starting to drive him crazy. And so, after a quiet sigh to himself, and a prayer that Selina wouldn’t hate him for waking her, he gave her a gentle nudge and she quickly began to stir.

“Darling, I’m sorry to wake you,” Crowley whispered, cringing to himself when Selina let out a groggy groan that told him she’d been in a deep, peaceful sleep, “but that bloody cat of yours is driving me crazy.”

Selina groaned again before rolling away from Crowley and hanging her head over the side of the bed in order to look under it. It wasn’t hard for her to spot Kit, as even in complete darkness she could see his glowing eyes staring over at her, from where he was no doubt lying with his back was on the floor and his paws on the wooden slats as sometimes during the night he liked to climb under the bed and act as though he were crawling upside down on it.

“Bed. Now.” Selina said sleepily, yet sternly. She waited a few seconds, until reluctantly Kit shuffled out from under the bed and leapt up onto the wardrobe, from which he proceeded to stare menacingly at Crowley for stealing his spot on Selina’s bed and being the reason he was doing this.

He couldn’t even switch things up and lie by her feet, not when she shuffled around so much in her sleep that she would only end up kicking him off. Therefore, he had no choice but to sleep on top of the wardrobe, where he had meowed from until Selina got the hint to place his bed up there as he liked the height advantage when it came to pouncing on Dean.

“Sorry,” Selina whispered, lifting herself back onto the bed properly and returning to Crowley’s side once Kit had settled. “Did he wake you?”

“No, I wasn’t asleep,” Crowley replied, returning his arm around Selina’s shoulders in order to keep her as close to him as possible as one of the only things that brought him comfort these days was feeling her breath puffing out over his chest as she slept.

“Oh,” Selina murmured, biting at her lip a little before she added, “if there’s other things you could be doing then you don’t have to stay.”

“Nonsense,” Crowley said softly, his heart warming terribly over how innocent Selina sounded right now. “There’s nothing else I’d rather do than stay here with you.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Now go back to sleep, my love, I’m not going anywhere,” Crowley said assuringly, leaning down to press a soft kiss to the top of Selina’s head. “Not now… Not ever.” 

Chapter 19 ->

[murmurmurl]

gay people

(not canon btw! none of the ships/labels will be canon :3)

I'm also gonna yap now yipeee

Uhm. Affection!! Wanted to think about how they would express and receive affection. Not only in a romantic context btw, just in general.

Matsu LOVES casual physical affection. He loves hugging people, holding hands with his friends, tackling them, just. Being all over the ones he loves. This also applies to non-physical affection, although a little less. However! He's really not the best when it comes to being on the receiving end of that affection.... Not because he doesn't like it or anything, it's just that his brain short-circuits, and he has no idea how to react. He loves receiving affection from people he trusts and, well, also loves (again, not necessarily romantically). I think the reason for him reacting that way could be that he's only started experiencing this after getting close with everyone in H♡L. Sure, he's been practically best friends with Fumi since ~middle school, but their falling out lasted at least a few years, and in that time Matsu didn't really get all that close with anybody else. Also, he doesn't like being super affectionate with people he isn't close with, or doesn't trust enough, or just isn't comfortable enough.

Toshiro isn't as enthusiastic... but they still like it. They like receiving affection, even if with some complaints (not seriously though) whenever Matsu tackles them. They're a little more reserved, but when he *really* loves someone, he'll stick to them like glue. I think his favorite way to show affection physically is through doing someone's hair. H♡L members often walk around with little braids or some uncharacteristic hairstyles because of that. He isn't very good with words though... but a little better than Matsu, who just. Would like to be able to express his feelings through something more than cutting himself off every 2 seconds because it's absolutely impossible for him to put the vague concept of his emotions into existing words. Toshiro is, indeed, a bit more successful in that, but still prefers quiet physical affection.

Fumi doesn't let herself be very emotionally open and vulnerable. That's what years of repressing and trying to get rid of any possible "weakness" will do. The person she lets to herself the closest is Matsu... she's more used to him and has a giant soft spot, even if she would deny it as much as she can (most of the time). However, Fumi still has ways in which her affection and appreciation towards someone end up being shown. It's pretty casual, and sometimes can seem a little mean, but she's trying her best. They often ruffle Matsu's hair, for example. Though Toshiro gets slightly "harsher" treatment, like very light shoves. Seina manages to escape all of that, though. She's not as close with Fumi as everyone else, but has this effect of calming her down and making her drop the defenses a little. I think over the course of the story Fumi will slowly learn to allow herself to be more vulnerable with people close to her.

Seina. Her affection is the most gentle, I think, but she expresses it more through words and caring for someone, rather than with physical touch. However, since I think I'm kinda focusing on physical affection here, she likes to pet her friends' heads, or dust them off, or just calmly hold their hands or shoulders.

They all also have slightly different ways of expressing affection towards each other that I thought of. Like Matsu tends to tackle Seina less, and more just hug her. With Toshiro he doesn't really hold back, as well as with Fumi. He also likes to try to ruffle Fumi's hair when she does it to him, though... have you seen how short I made him? there's no way that's even remotely easy. Toshiro likes to hug specifically Matsu a lot, but it's more calm than how Matsu himself does it... with Fumi, he often casually puts a hand on her shoulder, which she surprisingly allows. And with Seina, he plays with her hair probably even more than with everybody else's. I think I pretty much described Fumi's ways with everyone..? But something I didn't mention is that she often gives gifts to her friends. Which mostly involves flowers (of clourse)! She's a little embarrassed when doing it most of the time, but it's one of the few visible ways she can allow herself to show her appreciation to someone. Seina likes to do Toshiro's hair back, like he does to everyone, though she isn't really the best at it... they still like it! A lot, actually! She calms Fumi down with surprising ease and likes to allow them to lean onto her and just kinda... hang out like that. With Matsu she gets even more caring and worried than with everyone else, which can look pretty funny.

This might sound strange, seeing as Fumi is clearly the "keeps a tough front and rarely allows herself to show affection" person of the group, but Seina actually has a lot of trouble properly expressing her appreciation, maybe the most out of all of them. She kind of acts almost the same way with everybody, which results in people sometimes thinking she doesn't care enough about them personally. Repressing her own emotions in fear of burdening or upsetting her loved ones with them made it so that she isn't very good at expressing them when she wants to.

I am getting a little off topic? And also tired. Even though I absolutely love rambling about them,,,,, also, I think somewhere later I'll just be dumping all of the lore/details, actually maybe literally everything about Helianthus♡Light! to the side blog, for which!!!!! I still have to draw a few things bc I want it to look cool and pretty,,,,,,

[corazon-calaveras]

Late Night Thoughts

Okay so..............

The coffin of Andy and Leyley. Where do I even begin?

It's a very good game I'll admit that and I'll give credit where credit is due. The game has a very simplistic but cool art style which makes it very recognizable to the fans of the game or at least those who have either played it or seen playthroughs of it. The overall story telling and pace is very well done and it certainly has kept me intrigued. I tend to have a soft spot for plots that contain edgy and dark themes to it (so long as it is written really well and not overdone) and this game seems to have done a good job of not overdoing it.

Now then, on with some issues I personally have with a certain aspect that has definitely left a sour taste in my mouth (and not in a good way considering I love sour candy and what not).

(Just a heads up, I'm not saying that the topic I'm about to talk about can't be used in stories, in fact this topic has done a really good job to make me feel bad for Andrew but at the same time be like "Dude, are you dumb?!". The incest aspect of their relationship is actually written well because it's done one hell of a good job to make me feel uncomfortable as fuck and I hate it. Now do I support incest? Absolutely fucking not, that shit is hella disgusting and I DO NOT condone that shit.)

On to the rant.

The major issue I have about the story of the game is the overall relationship Andrew and Ashley have and of course it's the incest aspect of the relationship. But that's obviously a very obvious topic that a lot of people would not be a fan of (unfortunately there are some creeps out there who ship the two regardless). Let's set the incest aside for a moment and discuss the main issue of the Grave sibling's (that's their last name, right?) relationship and that is how very toxic and abusive it actually is.

In the first episode of the game we see that Ashley has a very unhealthy obsession with her brother and although there's nothing wrong with having a fondness of your sibling, Ashley just takes that fondness to the EXTREME. We see that she gets overly jealous whenever Andrew remotely gives another girl attention and would do anything to get them away from Andrew as we could see in the game. I mean c'mon, she not only committed manslaughter (straight up murder actually) she also consistently harassed Andrew's girlfriend until she dumped him. But oh, that's not the only horrible things she's done to Andrew. Ashley would straight up emotionally manipulate him into doing all the dirty work only for her to later on be like "I didn't tell you to do it, you CHOSE to do it yourself." Miss girl don't lie, we all know you literally manipulated him into doing it to appease you only to later have the AUDACITY to gaslight him.

Now I won't go too hard on Andrew considering that he's the victim in all of this but there are times when he literally could have put an end to Ashley's abusive behavior and stand up to her, but seeing him try to do so only to fall back to being submissive made me feel sorry for the guy. However, things would get even weirder with him when he asked his girlfriend to tie her hair up so she could resemble Ashley a little more which uh.....HELLO??? Nah nah nah, you wrong for that one Andrew. I'm sure there's a few other things he's done that's equally as weird as Ashley but so far that's the one example I can think of at the moment. Oh wait, there's that one official art of Ashley just sitting on Andrew's lap with a bitemark on her shoulder while he's lighting a cigarette and has a hand up her thigh as if it was completely normal. *Sighs* Sweet home Alabama.

I know there are people out there who will say things like: "But the game literally has cannibalism and murder but you draw the line at incest? That makes no sense!" Um, no not really. It's literally in our nature to find incest disgusting considering how the offspring will come out with a lot of issues and thus will not survive out in the world. Yes I'm aware that royalties in the olden days literally married their distant cousins to not "taint" the bloodline and I say that those people are equally as weird as the ones who ship Ashley and Andrew. As for the cannibalism part, yes it's also disgusting but if you think about it it makes a lot of sense that someone would resort to it if it's for survival, a last resort if you will. Incest? Now how the fuck is that going to benefit human survival? Last I checked no one has ever done the dirty with their own family members to survive.

Alright, and I think that concludes my rant for tonight. I just felt like ranting about the Grave sibling's relationship because I literally have no one else to talk to about this and I do find the topic interesting.........very disturbing though.

Eugh, gross.

[superducky800]

a tangent about the fucked up things people say about the disney princesses that pisses me tf off

it’s so fucked up that everyone blames Snow White for things that were done to her. “if she were smarter she would have known not to eat the apple…” k but who’s the one running around with a poison apple trying to kill her step daughter in the first place??

“snow white’s too easy for marrying the prince” people go through with things before they realize its not safe or healthy ALL the time. she’s 14 & only ever saw rejection from those who were supposed to love and care for her. no wonder she thought she could trust him. also when she DID live with ppl who cared for her (eg. the 7 dwarves) she had to do all the work

“cinderella married a man she just met” cinderella was physically mentally & emotionally abused for her entire life & the only help she ever got was the fairy godmother fixing her dress & telling her to follow her dreams. anything even remotely better than her home life would be appealing. also??? the prince turned out to be a lot safer and healthier for her than her abusive home!!!! sure she is lucky that it turned out that way, but how could you blame her??? she came from HELL and still somehow managed to be mentally intact with her dreams still alive. thats incredible

also in literally every story where people blame the princess for marrying someone she just met…guess what…the prince ALSO married someone he just met but he is never blamed belittled or criticized for it. “oh he was just being a typical man, she should have known better”🤨🤔🤨

“ariel threw everything away to be with eric” so did eric, so did hercules (disney version), prince philip was willing to, (& there’s prob more examples that i just can’t think of rn) but are the men ever criticized? of course not. when they do it, it’s a noble pursuit of true love

“it’s fucked up that esmeralda rejected quasimodo” no one should be on a relationship they dont want to be in. it doesn’t mean she doesn’t care about him or respect him. it just means she stayed true to her feelings. there’s NOTHING wrong with saying no when you’re not interested. there’s this crazy expectation that people are not allowed to reject someone in order to save the other persons feelings, esp for women. it’s not fair to anyone. it’s way worse to string someone along & to trap yourself in a relationship than to cause temporary pain from rejection

gonna add more to this for sure

[tronmike82]

Bro, now you have me hooked on colloona!

Any headcanons for them?👀

Colloona headcanons

1. Their relationship starts out as purely platonic -people falling in love accidentally is one of my favorite tropes- and mostly consists Collin trying to help Loona open up & process her trauma, and why she treats people the way she does.

2. His dedication to helping her and, well, everyone he comes across eventually causes her to fall for him. “He could solve all of hells problems if only he was more confident.” “I’m an angel; helping people is my job. At least i thought it was…”

3. Collin realizes he’s in love with Loona after she calls him her guardian angel.

4. Eventually he ends up opening up to her about how much he hates being in hell, and how miserable he was with Cletus & Keenie, and how much he misses heaven despite its flaws, and that she’s the only things that makes it even remotely bearable. Of course; pouring his heart out like this is extremely emotionally taxing so he starts crying, and Loona holds him close and does her best to comfort him. “you’re one of the sweetest, kindest people I’ve ever met, if heaven is going to look for excuses to kick someone like you out; then heaven doesn’t deserve you.” After a bit he pulls himself together and says “I guess now you’re my guardian angel.”

5. They try to keep their relationship a secret at first, but Blitzø and M&M start to notice Loona’s behavior changing; she isn’t as aggressive, she smokes less, she engages more in conversations -if only a little-, she hasn’t complained about a hangover in a while so they assume she isn’t drinking as much. nobody starts working on themselves like this apropos of nothing; so they figure she’s cleaning herself up because she’s in love and wants her crush to like her back. “he makes me want to be a better person.” <- said after she fesses up about it.

6. When Collin is eventually let back into heaven; Loona makes him promise to visit every chance he gets. They have their first kiss right before Collin leaves.

7. They like to give each other gifts! Loona once gave Collin a leather jacket, which he now wears all the time.

8. After Collin goes back to heaven; Loona starts working out. Collin loves it. (Omg he’s just like me fr)

9. While in heaven, Collin gushes about Loona to basically everyone he knows, while leaving out the fact that she’s a hellhound. (Maybe deliberately, maybe not) The way he talks about her; they figure he’s dating a seraph. Boy, are they in for a shock when he does eventually tell them.

I want to say more, but this is all I got at the moment. eh.

[anghraine]

I’ve been thinking about the development of Elizabeth’s feelings for Darcy in P&P, and one of the things I find really intriguing is how incredibly careful Austen is in her handling of their physical attraction to each other.

A lot of takes on Darcy’s initial attraction to Elizabeth focus entirely on the physical element, but Austen’s description of it folds together his attraction to her intelligence, her expression, her body, and the “easy playfulness” of her manner. Of these, the earliest mentioned is his realization that her face is “rendered uncommonly intelligent by the beautiful expression of her dark eyes” and her eyes are the physical feature that he seems to dwell on the most.

At any rate, Darcy’s attraction to Elizabeth is established early on (Ch 6) and continues as a thread from that point on. And—I mean, even in 1813, it’s one thing to show a man in his twenties being attracted to the pretty heroine. Austen is a lot cagier about Elizabeth’s feelings.

The narrative is structured so that we know Darcy is physically attractive from his entrance in Ch 3, when the narrator refers to “his fine, tall person, handsome features, noble mien” along with his wealth. But we’re not in Elizabeth’s head at that point, and iirc, she isn’t shown as saying or thinking anything about his physical attractiveness until she blushingly agrees that he is very handsome forty chapters later.

Even there, Austen leaves the dialogue to stand on its own and tells us nothing of what Elizabeth actually feels about it. The conversation moves to Darcy’s personal virtues, which reveal the critical fact that Darcy is consistently kind and good-natured in the domestic sphere. So Elizabeth’s concession that Darcy is physically attractive is narratively linked to the suggestion that he would make a safe husband, emotionally speaking (although her concession comes first, which may be significant).

Between the initial, omniscient narrator-type description of him and Elizabeth agreeing in Ch 43, we do get references to his looks a few times, but during the period of Elizabeth’s dislike, it’s always either through implication or through someone around Elizabeth rather than Elizabeth herself. So Bingley, for instance, jokes about how Darcy is so much taller than he is, but the narrator only remarks on Elizabeth’s assumption that Darcy is offended by this.

We know that Elizabeth looks for a resemblance to Darcy when she first sees Lady Catherine, and finds it, but this isn’t explicitly linked to her conclusion that Lady Catherine might have been handsome in her youth.

Then there’s the introduction of Colonel Fitzwilliam, when he arrives with Darcy, as “about thirty, not handsome, but in person and address most truly the gentleman.” Obviously the contrast is with Darcy, who is handsome but has less gentlemanly manners, but this isn’t explicitly spelled out. Austen simply says that Darcy “looked just as he had been used to look in Hertfordshire” and moves to the manner of his compliments to Charlotte.

We do get an explicit contrast later, when Darcy, Georgiana, and Bingley come to Lambton (so, after the critical revelations):

Miss Darcy was tall, and on a larger scale than Elizabeth; and, though little more than sixteen, her figure was formed, and her appearance womanly and graceful. She was less handsome than her brother; but there was sense and good humour in her face

Austen breezes past this to Georgiana’s manners and Bingley’s arrival. There are a couple of discussions of Darcy’s appearance earlier at Pemberley, but entirely held between Mr and Mrs Gardiner, who admire his figure while Elizabeth is consumed by embarrassment. She mentions that it was obvious that he had only just arrived via horse or carriage, but not how she knows this or what she feels about it beyond repeatedly blushing.

Then they meet again, he interacts with the Gardiners for awhile, and Elizabeth and the Gardiners leave. The Gardiners discuss the encounter including Darcy’s appearance, and Mrs Gardiner—who at this point, still thinks Darcy has mistreated Wickham—first concludes that Wickham is handsomer, then immediately re-considers and decides that Darcy has perfect features, but not Wickham’s angelic countenance. She (Mrs Gardiner) goes on, “He[Darcy] has not an ill-natured look. On the contrary, there is something pleasing about his mouth when he speaks.”

Elizabeth does not opine on Darcy’s mouth, lol, and instead defends Darcy’s moral character as far as his financial dealings with Wickham are concerned. We don’t hear much more of it apart from that, and in general, we see Elizabeth’s reactions to Darcy more than we hear about them:

Their eyes instantly met, and the cheeks of both were overspread with the deepest blush.

She blushed again and again over the perverseness of the meeting.

The colour which had been driven from her face, returned for half a minute with an additional glow, and a smile of delight added lustre to her eyes, as she thought for that space of time that his affection and wishes must still be unshaken.

Darcy had walked away to another part of the room. She followed him with her eyes, envied everyone to whom he spoke, had scarcely patience enough to help anybody to coffee; and then was enraged against herself for being so silly!

The colour now rushed into Elizabeth’s cheeks in the instantaneous conviction of its being a letter from the nephew, instead of the aunt

She had only to say in reply, that they had wandered about, till she was beyond her own knowledge. She coloured as she spoke

I do not personally think there can be much reasonable doubt about whether Elizabeth is attracted to Darcy during this phase of the book. But the narrative does dance around it enough (for understandable 1813 reasons, I suspect, given that Elizabeth either dislikes or hates Darcy for a significant portion of the book) that it’s not at all clear when she begins to finds him attractive, especially given that she does not actually see him between receiving the letter and acknowledging his attractiveness at Pemberley. So I think there are multiple valid interpretations or headcanons one could come up with for that.

[narutoad]

it is with a heavy heart i post my latest controversial hot take: Gai-sensei was not a good sensei at first.

housekeeping disclaimers: this has nothing to do with his teaching methods or personality, yes he’s a fantastic ninja and revered master of taijutsu, yes he (eventually) emotionally supported his students, yes he shaped up as the series went along, peace love and all that. you people know i love this man.

now let’s get down to business.

flash back to the chunin exams. Tenten took a pretty significant loss in her match— she pulled out all the stops, even her rising twin dragons she planned on saving for the finals, and she still couldn’t touch Temari. then Tenten got her back cracked and Temari began attacking Tenten post-match, and who prevented this from escalating? Lee and Naruto. two other competitors.

Tenten did not get coached through her match. Gai and Lee made a scene cheering for her at the beginning of the fight, and Lee stepped up to help Tenten when she was incapable of protecting herself, while Gai was curiously nowhere to be found.

next (in relevancy) was Neji vs Hinata. similarly to Tenten, but for arguably different reasons, Neji did not get any sideline coaching or cheering during his match. in fact— again, arguable points to be made here— the greatest extent of Gai’s POV that we get in this fight is him looking at Hinata and thinking “the poor girl can’t even walk now.”

only when Neji intends on taking another crack at fallen Hinata does Gai step in (as do Hayate, Kurenai, and Kakashi). no acknowledgment of Neji’s feelings, no congratulating him on the victory, nothing reminiscent of support for Neji from Gai.

(meanwhile tenten is in the infirmary, presumably by herself, with no one close to her checking on her wellbeing.)

immediately up next is Lee vs Gaara, and we know how this goes. Gai is cheering wildly for Lee the whole time, loudly coaching him from the sidelines during the match, what you’d expect from what we know of Gai at this point when it comes to Lee. specifically when it comes to Lee, because as we’ve seen, it seems Gai doesn’t really care how the other 2/3 of his team performed.

and then Lee gets severely injured. Kakashi outright tells Gai that he took it too far, put too much pressure on Lee, taught him techniques that were inappropriate for his skill level, and was partially to blame for Lee sustaining the injuries he did. Gai accepts this responsibility and blame and vows to do better.

and what does he do next? he devotes himself to overseeing Lee’s recovery.

not Tenten’s recovery— granted her injuries were less than Lee’s, but a snapped spine is still not light business— and not Neji’s training for the finals.

in fact, let’s consider Neji’s situation here objectively.

his opponent is village idiot Naruto Uzumaki, of course Neji’s going to win! except… Naruto has been whisked out of the village to study for a month under one of the three Legendary Sannin. Jiraiya the Toad Sage. probably learning all kinds of incredible new jutsu and training intensely and really preparing for this match that absolutely no one expects him to win.

who’s training Neji? not anyone in his clan, they’re probably furious with him for destroying Hinata. not some Legendary Sannin or anyone remotely close to their skill level. not even his sensei, because gai is so wrapped up in lee’s recovery.

Neji trains with Tenten. Tenten, who KNOWS she’s the weakest link on her team. Tenten, whose defeat in the exams was nothing less than brutal and epic, that she likely had to take considerable time to recover from (much like Lee). Tenten is the only person giving Neji the time of day in the month leading up to his match with Naruto.

then Neji’s match rolls around. his big fight. he’s armed with a secret main branch technique— that he taught himself and refined with Tenten’s help— and the power of youth. everyone who’s anyone is in attendance for these exams, and they’ve all got their money on him.

guess who didn’t even bother to show up until after that match ended. guess who did not go see Neji in the infirmary after his match, or witness his whistleblowing against his abusive family, or once again, offer any sort of consolation or wisdom or support. Might Gai.

with this context, it’s so much easier to understand why there was such an obvious divide in this team beyond “the excitable, lovable ones” and “the voices of reason” often played for comedic effect. Gai clearly played favorites with Lee. aside from each other, Neji and Tenten had no one to go to in those early, formative days.

and that dynamic stuck. that dynamic lasted all the way through the series.

[miraculouscontent]

It’s heeeeere! Another summasalt, this time with nearly twice the length of the first one!

(Turns out that not having caffeine doesn’t help me talk any slower.)

Script below:

Anonymous asked:

Thoughts on Rocketear?

Can you Rocketear the newest episode apart with your salt, my beloved Salt Queen?

Penny for your thoughts on Rocketear?

Aw, anon! You can have that for free! I'm a generous goddess.

"Rocketear" begins with Chat Noir and Carapace - just Carapace, really - holding back a pack of what I presume to be the physical manifestation of the writing staff's age, or at least a representation of how behind the times the writing seems.

Just as the dinosaurs break through Shellter. Ladybug shows up with the scientist who revived the dinosaurs in the first place and said scientist uses a whistle to calm the dinosaurs down. There's also a line from Bob Roth about putting the dinosaurs in a theme park to make money and I know what it's referencing but it's so incredibly random that it doesn't really come off as a proper joke.

Carapace was notably sad right after battle, but insisted that he was fine when Ladybug asked. Rena, sporting a... - I would like to say "new design" but it's a recolor in every sense of the word - is hiding behind part of a building and smiles after the heroes before walking off. Ladybug takes Nino's miraculous back but sees that he's still upset and asks him again what's wrong. Nino asks where Alya was and Ladybug claims that she only needed Carapace for the job, which cheers him up but only until Ladybug is already gone.

Mm, I guess Nino and Adrien relate in heroism not being enough for them unless they have their respective love interest to flirt with.

Also, I know this is an obvious set-up, but the show can't tell me that Ladybug just always brought Nino and Alya whenever she needed one of them. Season 3 required her to go to Master Fu to get the miraculouses, and unless she already knew that Nino and Alya would be in the same location - which, okay, the show does basically shove the two of them together whenever Nino is onscreen, fair, if two characters are in a relationship in this show then it's weird for them to NOT be with that person - but it just seems like a gamble, not to mention proof to Shadow Moth that the two are close if Ladybug constantly brings both of them.

Anyway, Ladybug goes into the sewer and asks Rena if she's seen any sign of Shadow Moth or his traps. Rena didn't see anything and they de-transform. Marinette is about to leave when she thinks of something, but Alya assumes it's about her new look, which was apparently not voluntary on her part and the suit automatically adapted to Alya's new role as Rena Furtive, which she has now named it as.

Marinette reminds her that this is supposed to be a secret and that they agreed that the fox has no owner. When Alya is evasive about whether she told Nino that she won't be Rena anymore, Marinette stresses that everyone needs to believe that Alya won't be using a miraculous anymore so that she can remain an undercover spy.

What's the point in changing the look if you're not going to show yourself anyway? I mean, insurance, I guess, but still.

Alya, exasperated, parrots what Marinette has apparently told her before: that she helps Ladybug with Mirage in case Shadow Moth tries to follow her so Rena can follow him instead. Marinette stresses the situation again and Alya tries to get Marinette to agree on her telling Nino that she's Rena Furtive, but Marinette refuses.

At Marinette's house, Alya talks further and explains that she doesn't know if she can lie to Nino since they don't keep any secrets--Alya, babe, you kept Rena Rouge from him and didn't tell him that you knew he was Carapace until Ladybug was forced to give you your miraculouses at the same time. I don't wanna hear it.

Marinette states that it's too late for that and also not technically a lie, but Alya gets upset and says that Nino will never trust her again if he finds out that she kept something from him. Marinette brings up how she had to keep secrets from Alya too, but they're interrupted by Tom appearing and wanting to play games with them. Marinette makes an excuse about homework that she's repeated many times, as Tom comments that the teachers give her too much. After Tom is kicked out - hang on, lemme just... - Marinette uses the moment to show Alya that she's lied to her family a lot and hasn't played games with her father in months. She states that there's no other option as they have to protect their identities, and Alya agrees to talk to Nino.

In Alya's room - I just presume at this point that Nino's house doesn't exist and Chris is an illusion - Alya tells Nino that they need to talk, but stammers and states that it's hard to talk about. Nino thinks that she wants to break up with him, but Alya assures that she loves him. She finally gets to the cover story that Rena herself made up in "Sentibubbler" and Nino understands, sad that she won't be around anymore but agreeing if it's what Ladybug thinks is best.

Is it weird that Nino respects Ladybug's wishes more than Alya does?

Nino hugs her and is confused by why Alya was nervous to tell him, as she can tell him anything and nothing will change their relationship. Alya feels guilty and hugs back, murmuring about how they don't have any secrets; that's not what Nino said, but sure, push this plot to its already predictable conclusion. I mean, I thought it was vaguely sweet that Nino switched to seriousness immediately when Alya said that she wanted to talk, but how am I supposed to be invested in this couple when their dynamic boils down to "STRONG, INDEPENDANT WOMAN who wears the pants in the relationship because her boyfriend is portrayed as a wimpy coward"? Like, the show constantly dragged Nino down to make Alya look "powerful" by comparison, and then when it comes to characters like Marinette, we get a girl who works very well outside of her relationship with her endgame love interest.

It's the fakest form of "girl power," dragging guys down to raise girls up or actually making a strong girl character but having her love interest be a weakness that creates flaws in her that weren't there originally and having that love interest be who she's "destined for."

I'm rambling, sorry.

In class, Marinette assures Alya that she did the right thing and Alya agrees. As they're leaving school, Marinette talks about how their "night walks" start soon, and Alya non-subtly talks about how Rena Furtive will be on the lookout while Ladybug and Chat Noir patrol. She stops, however, as gets excited about some pictures she took of herself as Rena Furtive, which has a lot of details that Marinette hasn't seen. I don't know whether to groan at what I just heard or remind everyone that Rena Furtive is literally just a recolor and therefore this is the writers patting themselves on the back for this design, so let's just move on.

Alya then shows Marinette her phone--AUGH, MY EYES--and suggests making a poll on her Ladyblog so people can vote for their favorite Rena design. Marinette has to stress again that Rena Furtive is supposed to be a spy and thus invisible, which Alya admits that she forgot about.

Okay, I've been holding off on talking about this, but now seems like the best time to bring it up. Alya has been a trash friend as well as a trash confidant, and her role as Rena Rouge boiled down to, "it was convenient for her to be the fox at the time it was needed." She's not particularly stealthy like one would expect of a fox, and she was easily one of the worst candidates to be told Marinette's big secret. I'll get more into this later, but I have to stress that Alya has treated Marinette no differently since learning of Marinette's identity and has already gone against Marinette's orders once before at the time of this episode airing. Episodes are constantly torn between validating their decision to have Marinette tell Alya, having Marinette be worried about the decision while the show considers her to be ridiculous for it, and then having Alya either consider or make choices that clearly don't gel well with what's good for her role. Much like Marinette, she lacks a sense of self-control and--wow, a female character who's impulsive, never seen that stereotype before.

Point being, "Sentibubbler" stressed over and over that Alya was the right choice and deserved to be both the permanent fox and the understudy for guardian, but then we have "Rocketear" here where Alya is making basic emotionally-driven errors that I'm not even remotely sympathetic to when Marinette has gone through so much worse over the course of three+ seasons.

*sigh*

Alya laments that it's hard to find new content for the Ladyblog - ah, yes, tell me more about your struggles, Alya - but figures that at least she can post stuff about Chat Noir instead of--I don't know--making fake Ladybug theories to lead people off Marinette's trail. Marinette says that it's a great idea, though Alya still doesn't look too happy. The scene then rewinds to a little bit to show a different point of view, this time with Adrien and Nino. Wait, this feels familiar, wasn't there another episode that did something like--ohhhh no, this is going to hurt.

After saying good-bye to Adrien - something I wish I could do every time he's mentioned or on-screen - Nino catches the bit of conversation where Alya talks about the Ladyblog. Nino talks as if Marinette isn't there and asks Alya out to the movies because Marinette is chopped liver and this is about Alya and how sad she is, guys.

Wow, she's turning into Adrien faster and faster.

Alya hesitates, but Marinette assures her that there's still time. Alya excitedly runs off with Nino and they watch what I presume are previews given the narrator, featuring recycled footage from the Ladybug PV. Nino is upset because Rena is mentioned but not Carapace, and the preview features Rena telling Chat Noir to forget Ladybug because it's Chat and Rena herself who are trulu made for each other.

I don't know what's funnier; the complete lack of self-awareness or the suggestion that a biracial couple would exist in this show outside of a special that gives them maybe a minute of screentime and acts more like suggestive canon anyway. I think I might've been too generous with that line about dinosaurs.

Nino is offended by the preview and Alya brushes off his comments, stating that it's just a cartoon and it's made to entertain people, though Nino himself is certainly not entertained. Can't say I entirely blame him considering that Alya doesn't really try to say anything substantial or even agree with him. No cuddling or reassuring kisses, she just gets slightly sad and turns to her phone for a bit.

After the movie, Nino is cheered back up again until he catches Alya on her phone once more. He offers to take her home, but she's distracted, and he comments that what she showed to Marinette looked pretty nice; I don't know because they didn't show it. Nino asks what it was and Alya evades the question, stating that her battery is running out. Nino is suspicious, but spots Andre's ice cream cart and the two head over there. Andre calls them his favorite couple and asks what they want, but Alya sees Ladybug gesturing for her and has to run off, giving Nino a cheek kiss as she goes which feels like too little too late at this point.

Nino catches some conveniently-placed kids arguing over who Chat Noir loves, but they settle on the fact that girls in general love Chat Noir. Nino is then seen at the Seine watching the Ladyblog's latest video, where Alya is talking up how amazing Chat Noir is. I hate to stop every five seconds to complain - okay, actually I don't - but I presume this video must've been made after the movie since Nino seems like the type who would actively follow his girlfriend's blog, yet not only is this video perfectly set up to echo the kids and the movie preview, but Alya - despite apparently caring about her boyfriend soooo much that she kept trying to convince Marinette to bend the rules - didn't even try to warn Nino or text him so he doesn't take it too seriously. It's like "Sentibubbler" with the conflicting messages about identity rules; Alya cares about her boyfriend but both isn't thinking about how he'll take the things she says and apparently doesn't know him well enough to realize that he wouldn't be mad over her keeping a secret that she was told to keep. I already talked about how they play up Nino to be the emotionally weaker one of the relationship, but then they don't have Alya try to cover or make up for that. She's been acting very much not like Alya - you know, the one who in "Sapotis" practically bragged about how great she'd be at covering for Ladybug - with her stutters and weak excuses, so I can't completely blame Nino for being upset after everything that's happened when he sees the writers projecting onto Alya as she talks about how Chat Noir is brave and funny and cute and showing all these images of him as well. I don't agree with all of his actions, but--oh yeah, speaking of which--

Nino calls Adrien and is talking to him about how Alya must be in love with someone else. Adrien dismisses the idea, as Alya and Nino are together basically all the time, and asks who she could possibly be in love with. When Nino suggests that it's Chat Noir, Adrien laughs and jokes about it being Fang instead. Nino points out the video but Adrien did see it but is overall unphased and convinced that it means nothing. Nino says that he'll find proof and hangs up, but Adrien is certain he'll find nothing. Plagg comments that Nino will find someone because Plagg's charisma has definitely contaminated Adrien.

Ugh.

Adrien expresses concern that he put on the cat's charm too much and accidentally made Alya fall for him, and decides to visit Alya as Chat Noir to be sure.

Meanwhile, we get a reference to film noirs as Nino narrates. That's the second blatant reference this episode and now I feel like they wrote this script while doing a movie marathon.

Chat Noir arrives at Alya's house and Trixx hides before Alya opens the curtains to reveal her surprise guest. Nino is nearby watching the scene with his phone as Alya wonders aloud if something's wrong. Chat assures that everything's fine, but brings up the video she posted. He insists that it made him happy, but points out that she's been following him and Ladybug since the beginning and that they know each other much better due to everything that's happened. He has some conveniently-worded dialog as he starts to say that he hopes something's just an illusion and Alya gets worried that he's about to bring up Rena. Chat continues and clarifies that he wonders if she started to feel something for him, though adds that he understands because just look at him.

UGGGGH.

Chat clarifies by making a heart with his hands, which Nino sees. Alya laughs at this gesture and states that she has a boyfriend, doing the same heart gesture and suggesting that her love for Nino is even more than that. Chat Noir apologizes - hm, I didn't know he had the capacity to do that - and hugs Alya, saying that he was just confused.

An absolutely unnecessary hug for two people who, at least in terms of their current selves, have had very little screentime together, but this is also the show where making eye contact basically means your friends and it's all just to push the plot along so Nino inteprets that Alya is in love with Chat Noir, so whatever I guess.

Alya states that Nino is far more irresistable than Chat, then adds that she doesn't even know his secret identity, and she'd never fall in love with someone she doesn't know. Nino then runs away upset and the scene cuts away to the next day where--

Wait, wait, wait, hang on a second. Two things right off the bat there.

First off, we're just gonna sidle past that "wouldn't fall in love with someone you don't know the identity of" while ignoring the existence of the love square? Not even Chat thinking about how he doesn't know Ladybug's identity and trying to excuse that he doesn't have to? This guy is that certain of their relationship?

Secondly, Nino is practically sobbing and Shadow Moth doesn't take this as his opportunity? Same guy who akumatized Mr. Pigeon 72 times and has akumatized Gigantitan more than once? What is this pacing???

But--alright, so Adrien comes into school and sees Nino, still dressed up in his detective gear, which gets ignored completely as Adrien goes to tell him about Chat Noir and Alya. Because the show doesn't know how Adrien would convey this within reason, Nino interrupts him, taking him down into the lower part of the school where he has a desk and chairs set up. Adrien goes to ask when Nino had time to do this, but Nino slams his hand on the desk to cut him off. Nino presents the evidence he took and they go back and forth, likewise with Adrien turning off the background music while Nino turns it back on. Adrien insists that it's a misunderstanding, but pleads innocent when Nino asks how he knows. Adrien states that Alya is just a superhero fan and that she and Chat Noir have nothing in common.

Again, the complete lack of self-awareness is astonishing.

Adrien repeats what Alya said about secret identities and how she wouldn't fall for someone she doesn't know - they're really ignoring this, aren't they? - and continues hitting Nino's soft spots about how unlikely it is until Nino decides to tell Adrien something he's not supposed to.

He tells Adrien, not only that Alya is Rena Rouge, but that he's Carapace. Adrien goes through a range of emotions beyond sAD for once, shocked at the fact that they know each other's identities. Nino states that they don't keep secrets from each other, except now Alya is with Chat Noir. Adrien still doesn't understand and brings up how secret identities have to be protected, or else Nino wouldn't have told him because Ladybug wouldn't agree to it.

Oh, here we go. So that's why they waited.

Nino states that it was Ladybug herself who gave them their miraculouses at the same time; not giving the reason why, of course, nor pointing out that they're temporary heroes so there's understandably some leeway. Adrien is having a moment, but manages to bring the subject back to Alya and Chat Noir, who he still doesn't think are a thing. Nino argues that it's because Adrien doesn't know Chat Noir, but he does because he's Carapace and knows how Chat Noir acts. He says that it's all flowers and confessions when Ladybug appears, but he gets rejected because Ladybug thinks that he's annoying, and she's right. He adds that Chat flirts with Rena Rouge and that's all that needs to happen, with Chat stepping in on the first mission Carapace lost in. Nino laments the loss of the love of his life and wishes to shut Chat Noir up forever; we all do, Nino, we all do. Shadow Moth finally steps in with - oh, less than eight minutes left in the episode, yikes - and Nino is akumatized into Rocketear.

Rocketear rejects Adrien's pleas to stop, insisting that Chat Noir is who he's after, not Adrien, and Adrien transforms in sad fashion despite Plagg's reminder of who Rocketear is after. Alya, meanwhile, is in the art club with Marinette - wait, since when was Alya in the art club - telling Marinette about how Chat Noir thought she was into him due to the video, which Marinette groans at. There's an earthquake and they peek outside to see Rocketear firing his tears at Chat Noir, shouting that he stole Alya from him. Chat Noir tries to tell him otherwise, but Rocketear won't listen.

Alya groans at Nino doing this, then she and Marinette set off to find a place to transform. They conveniently go to the same place Adrien and Nino were, so they see the desk that Nino had set up.

Genuine question, how seriously does this episode want me to take itself, because now when I recount all the unnecessary love square drama in my head - because you know that's where this is going - I'm going to have to think, "Nino, dressed in a detective outfit, ripped off his fake mustache and told Adrien both his and Rena's identities, and also that Ladybug was totally cool with it and thinks that Chat Noir is annoying."

Gettin' two completely different vibes here. The episode clearly wants to be important but it doesn't take itself seriously either, which it totally could while including enough jokes to keep things light. Instead, I'm just left scratching my head and wondering what tone they're going for.

Marinette finds Nino's phone on the desk - I'm calling continuity error on that one because he at no point put it on the desk, at least not on-screen - and she questions Alya on the video she sees. Alya insists that nothing happened, apparently completely unphased by her boyfriend having spied on her, and says that he wouldn't have misunderstood if he'd heard the actual conversation.

The two transform and Ladybug immediately uses Lucky Charm, receiving a projector. Ladybug is clueless and Rena Furtive suggests creating an imaginary movie like Nino. Ladybug gets an idea, remembering Alya's earlier comments, and Rena confirms that she remembers every word of it.

Aaaaand, just like that, all of the tension has been completely sucked away. You know, "Backwarder" was a trash episode, but at least when Ladybug was showing every step of her plan, she didn't tell us what it was.

Meanwhile, Rocketear and Chat Noir are still arguing--I started zoning out at hearing the same thing over and over again at this point, so I just presume they were fighting over who does stuff behind their love interest's backs better; I don't think they came to an agreement but they're both losers anyway.

Chat Noir says that he'll prove his innocence, tossing his baton aside to show him giving up, but Rocketear points out that it proves nothing and strikes Chat Noir with his tears.

Our endgame love interest, everyone. Straight As yet about as smart as a sack of bricks, and that at least won't flirt with anyone non-consensually.

Chat Noir makes a point that he doesn't want to hurt Rocketear, and Shadow Moth tells Rocketear to take his miraculous before finishing him. Chat Noir can only weakly tell him not to before Ladybug snags Rocketear's wrist and diverts the shot. Ladybug explains to Rocketear about the projector and how it'll let him hear the audio of the recording he took. She adds that she doesn't know what Chat said, but she trusts him.

Marinette, I'm sorry, I feel so bad for you.

Ladybug turns on the projector and Rocketear relaxes at actually hearing what was going on. Rena then de-transforms and hurries out to meet with Rocketear, hugging him as Rocketear apologizes for doubting her. Alya also kinda sorta apologizes in a way I don't understand and Rocketear then breaks his akumatization, very casually, all on his own.

Yeah, just--casually, in a matter of seconds in fact. You know, it's really sad when people resisting akumatizations are more tense and emotionally compelling than them breaking them. This is twice in one season now and has zero impact considering that Nino's reason for being akumatized was already taken care of so he had no reason to stay akumatized anyway. Him breaking his own object to release the akuma would've at least been different, but instead it's just a repeat of what Alya went through with even less tension considering that Alya's wasn't even that good in the first place, relying on her relationship to Ladybug rather than who she knew to be her best friend.

Moving on, Ladybug captures the akuma and uses Miraculous Ladybug to bring everything back to normal. Shadow Moth monologues about how love and secrets don't go well together and he's sure that she has a lot and I'll talk about this later.

Ladybug hands over the magical charm, which Nino takes but insists that he won't need it, as he'll never let Shadow Moth use his love to manipulate him again. Plenty of other things to get akumatized over, but they gave the supposedly ace character a robot to help him stick out and also gave the supposedly aro character a miraculous back in season one to give her more importance. If characters aren't in love then they need something to ceompensate for it.

Nino apologizes to Chat Noir for being wrong and Chat Noir assures him that everyone has doubts, even him. He gets sad and Ladybug asks him what's wrong, but he insists that he's fine - officially throwing away his right to be upset at her later as far as I'm concerned - and they do their usual fist buuuuu--

...Really?

Everyone then splits up and Chat Noir sulks by himself instead of--you know, talking to Ladybug, or asking her anything, or making any sort of excuse for her because that would mean he actually has faith in her and understands that their partnership is different from temporary heroes, even if the excuse was as basic as her wanting to protect him more than the others because he would be that egotistical if they didn't want to stretch out this unnecessary drama.

Later on, Adrien is staring at a picture on the Ladyblog that might be a metaphor for the show considering how "in the foreground" Chat Noir and Rena are.

Adrien vents about Ladybug giving miraculouses to Alya and Nino, but Plagg states that she's the guardian. Adrien clarifies that he's referring to Alya and Nino knowing each other's identities, but Plagg doesn't see the issue. Adrien gets huffy and asks why the rule exists for LadyNoir but not Ninya, but Plagg again points out that she's the guardian, so she makes the rules, though obviously he uses cheese metaphors to convey it.

Okay, Plagg is only, like--half-right because he doesn't have all the information. If you don't mind me rambling for a bit, I'm on the fence here because, on one hand--yes, I agree that Marinette should be allowed to make her own rules, and I often do that in my writing because I think she should be permitted leeway in order to let herself be happy, but on the other hand, it's not technically her rule, as she had to let Alya and Nino in on their identities back in the Season 2 finale, so Fu was still around for a season. She wasn't even guardian yet!

Now, presumably so the fandom could blame Marinette if anything happened, Marinette never discussed this with Fu on-screen, so I can't say whether or not Fu knew, but I feel like he must've since Marinette had to have told him the heroes' identities off-screen, given "Party Crasher," and thus I imagine that Marinette would tell Fu everything that happened, which is consistent with what she does on-screen even if she'd keep things from him for a little while.

"Furious Fu" had also established that not even Master Fu followed rules completely, meaning that Marinette is in this awkward spot of mostly following what Fu taught her, which aren't all guardian rules anyway, and having to break the rules on occasion for various purposes. I can't say what Fu approved of and what he didn't, because episodes spend so much time on the love square that they forget about Marinette as a person and how she interacts with everyone else. From an emotional standpoint, I can't blame Marinette for not revoking the miraculouses of people whose identities get discovered because of her, as I imagine she feels guilty and it probably doesn't seem fair to force them into another miraculous or have them be entirely without one because of a mistake that she made, meaning that someone needs to be throwing a lot of red flags for Marinette to be through with them.

Though obviously, from the show's standpoint, it's just an excuse to not make new models, but I complained about that enough in "Sentibubbler" and this episode even went out of its way to design a detective model for Nino while spraypainting Alya's bodysuit in the same breath, so this is the world we live in.

Anyway, Marinette is essentially in this position where she still has Fu's rules hovering over her, but she's also trying to step out on her own and make her own decisions to varying degrees of success or failure depending on your point of view. Tikki--wait, no, bad idea--Su-Han then, could easily give input on these things, perhaps with Marinette discussing a modern day set of rules for someone her age and going back and forth with Su-Han on what the right choices to make are, finding something that's comfortable but within a realm of predictable control. Su-Han was okay with some rules being broken after seeing how Ladybug handled them and they could've easily made this episode about that instead, but instead, we get rules being set and then being broken on a writer's whim.

Which now brings us to the end of the episode, where Marinette is on the phone with Alya and apologizes for causing trouble between her and Nino. Alya tells her not to worry and she'll fix things - you know, those things that, to Marinette's knowledge, have already been fixed - and asks if Marinette trusts her. Marinette does, and Alya hangs up in order to face Nino.

Yeah, that feeling of dread in your stomach? That means you know how predictable the writing is and what's about to happen, good for you.

Alya explains that she has to tell Nino something and he's worried, this time trying to sheepishly break the tension. She explains that she's still Rena Rouge, much to Nino's shock, and adds that she's in hiding, which is why Ladybug didn't want her to tell anyone. Nino asks why she's telling him if she's not supposed to tell anyone - proving my point from a while back that he wouldn't have been upset had she kept it a secret - then asks if Ladybug agreed with it.

I want to give him a pat on the back for considering Ladybug, but he didn't even tell her when he had the chance that Adrien knows his identity now, so I'm just beaten down at this point.

Instead of answering the question directly, Alya says that she can't hide her identity from him because she loves him and they don't have secrets.

You know, like Nino telling Adrien about Rena's identity, or Alya saying specifically that she's a permanent holder, which I'm sure both of them will confess to since they said that they don't have--aaaaand the episode ends on happy triumphant music, okay.

I mean, I guess Alya at least didn't tell him that Marinette was Ladybug, but that is such a low bar and not even remotely worthy of congratulations when Alya told Nino the specific thing that Marinette told Alya not to tell; the thing that they had agreed on.

Nino wasn't upset anymore. He won't be getting akumatized either. Alya endured the supposed hardship of being a permanent fox holder for four episodes before breaking down and telling her boyfriend. Even her excuse doesn't hold any water because, again, they're both still technically keeping a secret, particularly Alya who knows Marinette's identity as Ladybug. The episode also apparently forgets that Alya and Marinette's friendship must not be as strong by her logic of telling Nino specifically everything, as Alya kept Rena Rouge a secret from Marinette for all of Season 3, but tells Nino about continuing to be Rena Rouge in Season 4. Boyfriends before BFFs without explicitly saying it, or to be more specific, whatever screws Marinette over the most, because that's what this comes down to, made worse by "Optigami" where Marinette told Alya that she'd tell her everything and I guess that doesn't go both ways.

"Sentibubbler" had Alya stress that no one would ever know. She promised Marinette and told Marinette to trust her, and the episode spent its entire running time talking her up and assuring Marinette that she was the right choice, even considering Marinette ridiculous for worrying when Alya had done something without Marinette's permission the episode right before it. Then, three episodes after "Sentibubbler," when Marinette is finally comfortable and trusts Alya completely, Alya betrays that trust. Nino betrayed that trust, knowing he wasn't supposed to do so but telling Adrien his and Rena's identity anyway, because he was losing an argument and needed to PROVE something.

Marinette gives them an inch and they take a mile. Marinette bent the rules so that they could continue to have the miraculous they'd started with and they disrespected her because it was hard for like a day.

And if this bites them back, it won't reflect poorly on them, it'll reflect poorly on Marinette.

It's not like Alya just overrode Marinette. She didn't go, "Hey, I'm telling Nino, I'm sorry," or tried her hardest to go back and forth with Marinette until they both agreed. No, she did what she told Marinette she wouldn't do without saying a word to her, because LOVE and SEEEECRETS.

And this only applies to her, of course, because don't think I didn't notice the parallels between this episode and "Truth," because WOW.

Episode begins with Marinette hoping for something and it blows up in her face? A date at the cinema that ends on a sour note? Plot-centric couple trying to get Andre's ice cream and the female with a secret needing to leave in a hurry? Boyfriend character getting akumatized over their girlfriend's secret? Boyfriend assumes/suggests that the girlfriend's secret involves Aaaaaadrien - or his alter-ego in "Rocketear"'s case - and the episode hints as much to him even though he's completely wrong? Akuma's colors are blue and black? THE BRIDGE?

But, ahhh, little difference, here and there, y'know, like how Marinette was forced to break up with her boyfriend while Alya got to keep hers, and Nino got to have long talks with Alya while Luka got little to nothing with Marinette.

Because do note that Alya, while trying to convince Marinette and talk to Nino about not keeping secrets, at no point suggests that Marinette deserves to be happy and deserves to have a boyfriend and that Marinette should be allowed to tell Luka her secret so they can get back together, so you have Alya here selfishly prioritizing her relationship with Nino while making no comment about Marinette's relationship, essentially asking Marinette to allow her what Marinette herself didn't have the luxury of, and Alya knows this because Marinette told her. It is both incredibly insensitive of Alya and incredibly insulting of the show to make so many parallels between this episode and "Truth" just to have everything crash down for Marinette because she's Marinette while everything goes well for Alya and Nino because they're not Marinette.

We've talked before about the formulas that are literally baked into the show, and one of those is how Marinette makes a mistake in every episode and has to learn from it. What that mistake is in this episode, I don't know, but considering that she apologizes for Alya and Nino's problems, I guess the show blames her for what they themselves had taught her.

Point being, there's a clear karma system in place, but it only applies to Marinette, and forcing her to mess up in every episode means that she is literally not allowed to be with Luka because had she been able to clear things up between them, he would've eagerly accepted her and they could've been happy. It'd be too difficult for her to mess up when Luka doesn't put mountains of pressure and expectations on her like everyone else. Factor that in with how she can be herself around him and it leads to situation that are too difficult for her to screw up in because her mistakes - more often than not - center around Adrien or her role as guardian.

And because another rule in the show is to bring up Adrien so they don't "lose him for too long," she can't avoid bringing him up either. If he's not in the plot, he has to be mentioned, leaving Marinette in a lose-lose situation that she'll never be free from.

So, let me just get this straight then:

The guy who spied on his girlfriend instead of talking to her about his assumptions gets to keep his girlfriend, not because he realized it was wrong regardless of whether he was correct or not, but because the situation had been cleared up for him, yet the guy who actively resisted his akumatization, saddened by his girlfriend's secrets but wanting her to share them when she was ready, gets broken up with and tossed to the wayside because he's not a rich blond boy who got a miraculous because he happened to be within the twenty meters of space where Fu was searching for new holders?

Meanwhile, the girlfriend who has gone against the wishes and insistence of her best friend - guardian of the miraculouses, by the way, so she calls the shots, something that Alya herself said in "Optigami" BEFORE GOING ON TO DO HER OWN THING IN THE SAME EPISODE AND BEING REWARDED FOR IT - is allowed to go against the wishes and insistence of her best friend again for the sake of "all love, no secrets" with her boyfriend and so she can have the happy ending she wants, yet the girl who was chosen for a miraculous without her consent, forced to screw up and talk about a random boy who doesn't even go out of his way to spend time with her, treated like absolute trash by writers who find humor in her misery, and is the only one to receive overly harsh and long-lasting consequences for her actions while also covering up and forgiving the actions of others within the episode where they do it...

doesn't get her happy ending, and won't ever get her happy ending. That thing Shadow Moth said about love and secrets not going well together? Yeah, only goes as far as the writers want it to, because both Nino and Alya still have secrets, and some of the ones they did tell each other were forced by someone else and kept until that very moment. This idea that people in love have to tell each other everything and that it makes a relationship stronger makes me immensely uncomfortable, and that lesson is also in "Guiltrip."

People should be allowed their secrets, and obviously there are exceptions for things that are being hidden with malicious intent, but being essentially forced to share everything or risk not having a "full and complete" relationship is stifling and sounds like it'd only cause stress.

This episode sucks. It furthers and confirms everything I've already thought about the show, Nino's screentime continues to be dependent on Adrien, Alya, or both, there are pointless references that completely take me out of the experience, and the utter betrayal from Alya and supposed message of the episode just reminds me that Marinette is inevitably going to be stuck with a guy who didn't even DO anything in this episode and is going to let himself stew instead of asking for any sort of clarifications from someone he apparently trusts so much.

So the takeaway is that Marinette's life is awful, she'll be forced to apologize for rules that she didn't even come up with herself, her best friend will walk all over her for the sake of her relationship with a guy - not even for the sake, really, they were going to be fine, it was more for HER personal comfort if anything - and the guy who actually makes Marinette happy and could've known her identity instead BECAUSE HE AT LEAST DIDN'T HAVE A TRACK RECORD OF SPILLING HER SECRETS gets treated in the exact same way that she does; like nothing, just something to abuse unfairly.

What a waste of an episode.

[princeescaluswords]

Hello, idk if you've been asked this before, but what do you think of the relationship between Melissa and Deaton? I know they have very little interaction with each other, if any, throughout canon, but they're both pillars of Scott's life. Do you think they might have a behind the scenes relationship at all? Like, would they talk about their concerns with Scott, especially after Melissa finds out Scott's a werewolf, considering Deaton is an emissary and a healer and Melissa takes on some supernatural knowledge in order to heal (like the four herbs)? Could they have developed a professional relationship along these lines, bc yes Argent does know a lot but he's a warrior before he's a healer? Idk you always have very good insights, so what do you think?

I would love to imagine that Deaton and Melissa have developed a behind-the-scenes relationship where they get together over coffee from time to time to discuss Scott, but I cannot bring myself to believe that it would happen. I'm sure this isn't what you wanted to hear, but when creating my own headcanons (and that is what this is) I try to confine myself to what I can logically extrapolate from canon itself. In other words, I have to base these things on characterization and evidence.

So, in the end, I just don't think that Deaton and Melissa would get along. I don't think they would hate each other, but I see them having, when it comes to Scott, fundamental differences. They both love Scott, of course, and they both believe in him, but when it comes down to it, I think Deaton does a better job at parenting Scott than Melissa does.

Shocking, I know. Yet, I don't think it's arguable that after the end of Season 2, Melissa appears to be emotionally disconnected from Scott as a person. She obviously cares about whether he lives or dies, she comes through when she happens to be present for a crisis, and she is always depressingly available to lecture him about responsibility and leadership, but beyond that her attitude toward her son is one of disengaged confidence, i.e. "He'll be fine." In the two instances when he has emotional breakdowns that don't require immediate action (such as the end of Ouroboros), she is silent.

Think about Melissa in comparison to the other parents during that time period: the Sheriff (ugh), Chris Argent, Natalie, Dr. Geyer, Mr. and Mrs. Yukimura. Melissa only gets involved with the supernatural when there's a medical component or it comes at her. Compare Melissa's behavior (or lack of it) when Scott is kidnapped in Season 4 to the Sheriff's behavior in Season 3B. There is no 'where the hell is my son?' scenes; we don't even know if Melissa ever knew that Scott went to Mexico either time. Melissa never expresses anything remotely similar to Noah: "Father. Son. You don't take care of me; I take care of you." There's no scene where Melissa talks to Scott the way Natalie or Dr. Geyer talk to their children about events beyond their control, things like Allison's death or Rafael's absence or Peter's Bite. When we try to find something to compare the Yukimura family dinner in Galvanized (3x14) there is nothing to because Melissa never interacts with Kira, not even while they are in the same room in Silverfinger (3x17).

It seems to me that after Season 2, Melissa seems uninterested in Scott's girlfriends, his grades, or even his general mental health. It doesn't influence her actions. She doesn't express hate towards Peter because he terrorized her son, but because he flirts with her. She doesn't react to Jennifer threatening her son at all. She cozies up to Chris Argent without even a hint of awareness about how he treated Scott in Season 1. She doesn't smack the shit out of Stiles when he attacks Scott in the hospital corridor, as if she didn't restart Scott's heart with her bare hands not 24 hours before. And it's not simply confronting those who hurt him: she is so disconnected from Scott's life that she can't recognize that his strange behavior in Anchors (3x13) might be connected to the sacrifice even though she remembers Stiles having trouble reading later in the season. Let's face it: can you imagine any parent in the list above leaving their child home alone to bandage his own fatal wounds himself after an assassination attempt while they go take care of someone else's child? Only Melissa does that.

Instead, when Melissa acts, in Muted (4x03), Time of Death (4x08), Ouroboros (5x08), The Last Chimera (5x11), Sundowning (6x13), and Heartless (6x17), she always talks about protecting "our kids", sparing "our kids", etc., but she never once in those six episodes makes it clear that she's specifically motivated because Scott is involved. That's not a coincidence; that's a pattern. I think the ultimate expression of this occurs in Werewolves of London (6x17) when, in the hospital herself after a near-fatal shooting, she tells Scott it's not his fault, but then absolutely implies that it is his responsibility with "Don't run, you fight." Once again, can you imagine any of the other parents saying anything like that to their children?

You wanted a headcanon? Here's mine: Melissa is only capable of dealing with Scott's lycanthropy if she can frame it -- much like Stiles does -- in terms of him being a superhero. If he's like Superman, then he's always fine and she has no responsibility to act otherwise, right? So she doesn't worry about him. In fact, she makes it clear where the blame lies in Condition Terminal (5x04):

Melissa: I know that I can't be the Mom that says. "I don't want you to do anything about this." 'Cause you're always going to be involved, because not only do you have the power to do something, you care enough to do it.

While that's supposed to be praise, isn't it also very convenient? To her it's Scott own compassion that puts him in danger, so as long as he has a pulse, she's absolved of the consequences! And I just don't see Alan Deaton being comfortable with that.

Deaton is the only adult in Beacon Hills that looks at Scott and sees a teenager that needs support. He believes in Scott's potential as much as anyone, even more so, but he remembers there's something else there besides an alpha werewolf. In Raving (2x08), in Unleashed (3x04), in Currents (3x07), in More Bad Than Good (3x02), in 117 (4x02), in Orphaned (4x06), in Condition Terminal (5x04), he is aware and acts as if Scott isn't a superhero, but a young man with a life and hopes outside of saving people from supernatural menaces. Part of this comes from Balance, that he recognizes that part of Scott's virtue is that the teenager is just as important as the werewolf, and part of it comes from the fact that he simply cares for Scott without preconditions. Scott needs help and support, so Deaton gives it without expectation of getting something out of it.

So, unfortunately, I think that Alan would ultimately disapprove of Melissa's attitude toward her son, and that would preclude them from being close. It is my fervent wish that the movie proves me wrong.

[junicai]

RELATIONSHIP WITH ATEEZ

➣ SEONGHWA ☾ sunhwa

seonghwa and sunee were only introduced to each other when they began prepping for kq fellaz

he knew of sunee

of course

had heard the ravings about the new impossibly talented rapper the company had managed to steal from bighit

but had never met her officially until ateez was formed but despite this

they work together seamlessly 

their energies just match in a way that seems like fate or something else impossible to predict - just absolutely adoring of each other and it’s like a bubble surrounds them against the world 

the favourite pairing for atiny to make angsty filled edits of <3

say goodbye to ur heart

he’s so gentle with her 

like sunee just came with a label of HANDLE WITH CARE and seonghwa would protect her from everything if he could

sunee really admires seonghwa 

like, i’m talking, stars in her eyes admires

giving very mush older brother younger sister with that Good Bond shtuff

you’ll always hear sunee cheering for him in the background of videos 

she’s his number one supporter, and he’s hers 

gave him a toothless plushie and he pretended to be offended but it still has a place beside his pillow and no one can know 

seonghwa is the designated blanket-holder for when she gets out of the van at events  

➣ HONGJOONG ☾ sunjoong

hongjoong is the reason sunee has the confidence she does

her stage presence? comepletely down to his influence and encouragement, and sunee will Not Let Anyone Forget It

really helped her come out of her shell and into the person she was born to be

bouncing between bighit and kq in a country where she was still learning the language really does a knock to your confidence 

and hongjoong helped her build that back up 

through nights in the studio, running lines and choreography 

holding her when she was crying but didn’t have anyone to go to 

hongjoong became that person for her 

and then he gets huffy and complains that they’re literally the same height 

sunee now makes it a point to solely wear platformed shoes now - just to prove a point 

keeps buying him expensive, good-quality hair care things for his birthday bc she’s eternally concerned about the state of his scalp 

and thinks that if she buys the products for him, then he’ll use them less he feels guilty

she was a minor when they first met, so she’ll always be a baby in his eyes and therefore she’s not allowed to do anything Remotely Sexy

this becomes a problem Immediately

when you reconcile this attitude with, most of ateez’s choreography

put your hands together for hongjoong’s sanity

let her know it was okay to cry and to feel sad and not good enough 

but that she was and was always going to be - good enough for the team, for him teases him about being smaller than her

sunee had absolutely no idea what she was doing with her life besides following yeosang and wooyoung 

when hongjoong told her that he was going to offer the two boys a place in ateez, sunee cried

bc she thought that it meant she was being left behind 

and hongjoong just

slapped 

the contract to her chest in a panic

“YOU TOO.” 

and that’s how sunee joined ateez 

zero regrets 

➣ YUNHO ☾ yuni

sunee’s dedicated her life to making sure yunho never experiences a bad emotion

sadness can square up against sunee 

atiny and sunee 🤝 loving yunho 

they gave her a step stool once when she was standing beside him and she never emotionally recovered from that blow to her ego 

she’s not even that much shorter !! 

it was rude 

(yunho thought it was hilarious)

(sunee pouted for the rest of the event)

he indoctrinated her into harry potter, and now she’s a proud slytherin 

giving very much slytherin and their hufflepuff bestie that they’d protect with their very being if they needed to ?

yeah that’s them 

they’re the most comforting pair to be around, according to mingi

incredibly dedicated to their craft but sometimes Too Much

yunho’s determination tends to bleed into sunee’s determination and visa versa 

until it’s just dedication^2 which is just stubbornness and overworking yourself but in fancy maths terminology 

it’s a rule that you can’t leave these two alone in a practice room anymore 

bc they just Won’t Come Home 

this rule came into enactment during the summer of 2019: when yuni spent an entire night in the practice rooms 

and it took all seven other members to bully them into their beds 

➣ YEOSANG ☾ sangi

one day, they’re going to smother every single member in their sleep, one by one 

but today is not that day, so good for them! 

knew each other from bighit, bighit besties 

was the first person who found about what had happened with her parents when he asked who she was spending chinese new year with

and sunee just

broke down into tears :D 

cue panicked yeosang trying to apologise, console and also figure out what happened all at once

while also not understanding sunee at all because she defaults to thai when crying ! 

sunee encouraes his chicken addiction and yeosang repays her in those cheap little nut bars you can get from a corner store that are covered in chocolate

there was a slight blip in this exchange 

when yeosang accidentally revealed the name of the brand sunee adored

and well

suddenly they were all sold out for months 

yeosang had to do so much grovelling to be forgiven for that one 

sunee says that yeosang feels like home to her

bc he was the first person to really make an effort to get to know her in bighit

so whenever she’s struggling or sad or just having a bad time of it all

yeosang is the first person she goes to and he always meets her with open arms 

for as much as they tease each other

yeosang would commit homicide for her, and atiny KNOW it 

sunee had really only had yeosang and wooyoung for so long, so at this point - sunee really wouldn’t know what to do without him 

they’re not the time for long winded professions of love and care

but they know.

➣ SAN ☾ sunsan

sunee was properly scared of him before their debut

and san was AFFRONTED when she told him this 

all like: who me? i’m an angel what do you mean? i’ve never hurt a soul in my life? huh? 

and sunee had to explain that she was just,,, intimidated 

he was so good and she thought she just. Wasn’t. 

and he was getting so friendly with wooyoung, and she didn’t have any other friends besides him and yeosang - or none at least who had enough thai for them to be able to make good conversation 

so she was intimidated, and scared of losing a friend 

and it just all manifested in a bit of resentment, and a lot of avoidance 

never fear though

it’s impossible to separate these two now 

san’s very protective over sunee - mostly bc of all the hate she got after their debut 

it started after she was included in the kq fellaz lineup 

and san took it upon himself to try and dispel as many rumors as he could to keep them off of sunee’s radar 

likes to screen people before they meet her

there is no point asking him for her number bc all you’ll get is a punch 

san tends to be paired with sunee for most of her tricks that involve a partner 

he was honored that she trusted him so much

until he realized that she’d literally throw herself off a tower if she thought he was there to catch her [see: kingdom, round 3 for reference]

and then the honor just turned to concern 

sunee takes care of san and san takes care of sunee 

maybe not always with words, but you know that they’re always going to be there for each other

and sometimes, that’s all someone needs 

➣ MINGI ☾ minsun

sunee is the Lady of the group

and mingi took this as: ah yes. must never let her do anything. ever. 

has literally just hoisted her over his shoulders when he was done with her 

just, shut up - up you go 

the others think it’s hilarious

sunee does very much Not.

she did so much research on how to help his back pain the moment she found out that he was spending his days with pain patches covering half of his skin 

i’m talking DOCUMENTS here

calling physicians during office hours, reading papers, the whole shebang

literally almost cried when she realized that she used to hang off of him when she was playing

and that probably caused him a Load Of Pain and he never said anything? 

Fool. 

mingi = big spoon

sunee = little spoon

i don’t make the rules, that’s just how it is 

sunee and mingi tend to gravitate towards each other a lot on stages, so when mingi was on hiatus sunee really struggled 

and you bet you ass she was livid when she found out that ateez was being harassed to the point that mingi felt the need to step back in the First Place 

atiny got complete radio silence from her for nearly two weeks bc she couldn’t go on live without wanting to curse 

➣ WOOYOUNG ☾ woosun

second set of the bighit besties

used to try and talk to her with the little english he had from school when they first met

even though he’d been explicitly told to only speak to her in korean like the other trainees had so she’d learn korean

wooyoung tried to help her korean, and later on - in ateez - sunee repaid the favour by helping him with his english lessons 

the two of them just speak in an amalgamation of various different languages, screams and screeches

the pitches mean different things, the other members have discerned

they have to 

Whole Conversations.

Loud.

so loud 

and it likely wouldn’t be strange if not for the fact that sunee’s usually pretty quiet? 

giving very much dr jekyll and mr hyde 

her I in her mbti turns very quickly into an E and it’s unexplainable 

sunee refuses to sit next to anyone else on planes bc he knows exactly how to keep her calm 

you’ll rarely find out without the other - sunee clung onto wooyoung and yeosang when she first arrived in seoul, and she never really grew out of that phase

consequently, wooyoung never grew out of his phase of babying the ever-living hell out of her

they’ve never really been without each other for more than a few hours since sunee turned 15 years old

and when wooyoung started making friends with san, sunee didn’t know what to do with herself

that was their first real fight

but wooyoung bullied the truth out of her (read: he cuddled her until she broke

➣ JONGHO ☾ sungho

sunee is in awe of this man

genuine, jaw-dropping awe

cannot nor will ever get over his voice and tells him this every day 

he likes to tease her about her lack of arm muscles by challenging her to arm wrestling competitions

and god bless, sunee is never one to turn down a direct challenge

but she should really learn to bc she has Yet To Win

in retaliation, she always offers him up to do aegyo 

“I think the maknae should do it!” 

completely underrated - they’re rarely paired together for content, so there’s not a lot of change for them to interact when fans are present

in the Dorms Though

sunee’s the older sister he never had, and she’s going to Live Up to that role 

she’s always going after him for not sleeping enough - and then having to scamper away quickly when he asks her when the last time she slept was 

never fails to grab the chance to fawn over his voice 

atiny are convinced she runs a tumblr blog for him 

jongho never calls her noona bc she never felt the need to enforce it

and he feels like a rebel when he doesn’t

win win 

proud mom moments

so many proud mom moments

he could rip open a dozen apples and every time its 

*CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP* raucous applause

jongho was definitely closer to the other boys when they first debuted, for obvious reasons

but as they’ve grown, and the group have grown

they’ve become close enough that jongho’s bed is sometimes sunee’s bed when she can’t sleep

and sunee’s the one who sits with him in the recording booth at 4 in the morning bc he just can’t leave yet, not just yet

they’re there for each other

not in the most obvious of ways

but still there