#at least i have chappel roan
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K long vaguely unhappy story time again:
I thought my mom was more mature than this, but wow we had a fucking moment tonight. It ended okay basically because we both decided to move on. But I'm definitely still emotionally *tense* and am so ready to move away again and be my own person. I LOVE the family quality time I get watching shows with them, especially in context like this when it's a show that I got them hooked on, but gosh she could not chill on the homophobia for five seconds.
We're watching White Collar and there is an episode in Season 4 that features the lesbian character (who is a badass and funny and amazing FBI agent) more prominently and queerly. Aka instead of just referencing her having a girlfriend, she actually kisses another woman (undercover shenanigans and sexy criminals and all that jazz). My mom literally asked me to skip ahead when these two gorgeous women were only TALKING on a DATE and I avoided skipping at that point because the focus went back to the main crime plot so soon (like, soon as in she finished asking me plus a couple seconds of my hesitation and surprise that my mom couldn't just watch two people fucking talking and not even like heavily flirting or being touchy-feely or anything, and then the moment ended anyway).
So, we move on from that scene and keep watching the episode unfold, and most of it is not actually queer-related so she doesn't throw a fuss (because literally any other time she likes the show). BUT part of the plot to catch the criminal involves these two women going on another date, so my mom starts to kinda get tense again, and then suddenly they kiss and she legitimately hollers out "Oh! No!" and I think it will be fine because it cuts away but then right away they kiss again and my mom starts yelling "Skip it!" And I just hesitate for a split second again because I've seen it before and I know it'll end soon and I try to tell her this and she's just going on and on at full volume over the TV yelling "Who has the remote?! Skip it!! It's GROSS and I don't want to see it!"
So I pause it, pretty upset myself at this point, and stand up to face her and ask "Why?!" and try to say again that it is SO SHORT a moment (like, I said she couldn't watch it for two seconds and she corrected me that it was at least four š) so then I also pull out the religious card (because of course my mom brought up her opinion that "It's a SIN and it's gross and wrong" and blah blah blah) and I challenge that she watches other shows with divorced people or cheating or fucking murderers and she doesn't skip those conversations... And she tries to kinda blow that off as saying she would or whatever justification but she basically gives up that front and turns to my dad and asks "Doesn't it both you?" And he just quietly says "well yeah but I just don't watch" (which he plays on his phone anyway if the show gets too silly for him in other circumstances so that annoys me but I find overall less offensive) so I jump in and say "You could've done that too! You can just look away if it bothers you that much!"
So mostly at that point I'm frustrated and just really flabbergasted that she could not watch sapphic representation for literal SECONDS and I say she can watch what she wants and toss her the remote and I walk out of the room. *But* then I can hear from my room that she checks in with my dad about still watching it and I hear her start it up again, which is GOOD because I want them to watch it and enjoy it and there wasn't any gay stuff for her to throw a fit about for the rest of it anyway (besides some conversational references that I expected her to skip and she didn't, so my dad must've told her it didn't matter or something)...
Anyway because I'm an absolute sucker for this show I ended up going back out and said "Okay, if you're still watching it then I'll watch it with you." And because of course I want to watch in solidarity with this one queer episode and enjoy the representation. But golly.
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And another thing is that I already had queerness heavily on the brain. I saw a homophobic post by a fb friend from high school (who I really should probably unfriend, especially cause this isn't the first homophobic post I've seen by him, but instead I just unfollowed because I'm a sucker that can't quite give up being liked or having sources of information yet... But I'm working on that) and anyway he also is a "Christian" and is supposed to have found faith more as an adult and apparently talks about it a lot but from what I can tell it just seems like he's grown into being a bully?
So I have already been feeling convicted again NOT about how queerness is a sin BUT how to bridge my queer communities with my Christian communities because I feel like they should be united and instead they're at war and it breaks my heart.
...if you made it this far, thanks for reading. Also, sorry for us both if you relate.
Prayers for hearts to be opened, I guess.
10-20-24
#lgbtqia#queer#asexual#biromantic#lgbt pride#acespec#queer christian#bisexual#bi vibes#sapphic#lesbian characters#White Collar#homophobic mom#sad thoughts#at least i have chappel roan#midwest queer#queer story#venting#ranting#hear me out#gay and Christian
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im seeing very little coverage (at least on here) about how moo dengs popularity on the internet is leading to her being harassed at the zoo as well as how the khao kheow open zoo has a history of multiple cases of animal abuse for sake of entertainment (tw for the last link specifically- its a video that begins with a few seconds of moo dengs image but shows a baby elephant being stabbed & swat with a stick by a keeper for ādisciplineā).
while im glad that moo deng IS bringing awareness & a new love for pigmy hippos (which have a dwindling suggested 2000-3000 number population in the wild), i think we should also take into account that not all zoos/animal sanctuaries take the best interests of the animals they are supposed to care for to heart- especially ones that put more of a focus on entertaining tourists than caring for their animals.
#personal#moo deng#i understand that a lot of the ways the animals in zoos like this are treated have cultural ties & are methods that have been used#for hundreds of years but there are ways to not do thatā¦ its 130 am i cant really put everything im thinking of into a more professional#looking post but. i just think we should at least keep this in mind#something something chappell roan talking about being an overnight celebrity & being forced to cater to the publics every desire at the cos#of ur privacy#im not saying & posting all this to be a bummer btw we SHOULD celebrate her !! but we also have to be conscious about how animals like#moo deng are being handled & cared for#sorry i put so many tags im just sitting here thinking#u can reblog the post btw
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crappy 911 episode and then gay week on the odyssey ends with a throuple breakup you're kidding
#cannot have shit this week!!!#chicken tikka masala crisps analogy... what are we doing here#ohh we can't be in a throuple because i'm in love with you and i can't share you with another guy-- BORINGGGG#like that isn't where it seemed like the analogy was going anyways#doctor odyssey#doctor odyssey spoilers#911#i enjoyed bob the drag queen lipsyncing chappell roan at least.#and pippa soo saying zaddy that was fun
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#dan and phil#weed#besties i am so high rn i am losing it#i took like one too many bong hits#started playing flight rising on the desktop computer bc it loads so much faster than my chromebook#opened youtube to have something on the second monitor#found dan and phil's fuckin lofi album???#lost my absolute shit about it#went to post about it from tumblr mobile but wanted to make this meme to do it justice so pulled up a meme editor on my desktop#(the meme editor had so many advanced text options since when have meme editors come this far??)#anyway made the meme realized my phone is at super low battery so decided to just log on to tumblr to post it directly from the desktop#even though i'm nearly exclusively a mobile user now and have been for years#so i have to log in to tumblr and now i'm experiencing making a post from the desktop site while still pretty blitzed#is it firefox that allows me to edit the tags after i've typed them or is that a desktop thing now#oh shit do i have any extensions on#depending on what imported from chrome when i changed my browser like six months ago this may be some sort of extension#whatever it is im okay with it this is great#i'm having such a good time right now genuinely#also watched chappell roan's hot to go music video for the first time during an interlude in the whole meme making process#there is currently a restoration video playing in the other tab that's been going for 10 minutes while i've been making this post#this is me living my best life honestly#i need at least one person to acknowledge the journey of tags on this post if only so i know I'm not alone in knowing my experience
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thinking about it..... really thinking about it.........
#femslash takeukai based off of casual by chappell roan CHAT AM I COOKING?!!#i've had that idea floating around in my brain for at least a month now and i'm REALLY starting to consider it#i have never read a takeukai fic in my life but i feel like i've watched haikyuu enough times to understand them#i also have no femslash takeukai fics to reference BECAUSE THERE ARE NONE#which is a crime. seriously#takeukai is fairly popular i think#it's technically a rare pair but it's not the rarest of rare pairs#i'd put them on the same level as osasuna#so the fact that NO ONE has thought of gender bending them is insane to me#BUTCH LESBIAN UKAI IS RIGHT THERE#also femme takeda who's soooooo good luck babe coded...#fellas i am IN the kitchen.#volleyball guys
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SUPER GRAPHIC ULTRA MODERN āØļø
#me: im so excited for mcflyjuly!!! ive got this really cool idea based on an au i made a few months ago and im gonna post some doodles and--#midwest princess bugs bunny: hey girl is this seat taken#me: NOPE!! :D#i think this is simultaneously one of the most silly and most genius things i have ever drawn#i did this on my shitty photo editing feature. i spent way too many hours on it. my fingers are stiff. my wrist hurts.#there was a spider on my wall and i tried to get it but missed and now i have no clue where it is and have to live with The Dreadā¢ļø.#do i regret it?#well missing the spider yeah. but drawing this?? not in the LEAST#heehee :)#people in the chappell roan tag i'm sorry (not) for the jumpscare you're about to get teehee#chappell roan#the rise and fall of a midwest princess#midwest princess#femininomenon#pink pony club#good luck babe#<< sure! why not??#looney tunes#bugs bunny#merrie melodies#hghhh okay time to tag the misspells.......#looney toons#loony toons#loony tunes#pain.......#looney tunes art#chappell roan art#i suppose#sam yaps#stuff sam drew :D
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do we think chappell's credit score has recovered
#re my kink is karma#chappell roan#the rise and fall of a midwest princess#my kink is karma#i'm sure it probably has#at least i hope so#but this has all happened so quickly#and credit is a fickle bitch#seph speaks#kicked me out with the rent paid / ruined my credit#chappell i hope people have stopped being invasive and that your credit score has skyrocketed
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I keep going back and forth on
- my queerness is not anyone's business
- staying subtle about my queerness tends to win me points in the Midwest and/or rural and/or Christian communities I spend lots of quality time in
- my queerness is a part of me and something I wish more people would celebrate with me in person
- my relationship with faith/Jesus/religion is also a part of me and I wish I didn't feel like it's easier to dim that in queer communities like I feel I have to dim/hide my queerness in Christian communities
- choosing what to show people at different times is always based on what I feel safe to do, and I won't feel guilty about that or about my desires both to people-please and to people-guide (aka manipulate...nicely lol)
BUT ALSO IT IS ANNOYING
Like, idk, probably doesn't help that I'm rewatching Miraculous Ladybug and really feeling the story pressure of the whole secret identity thing, but why does my indecisive personality have to constantly be tested on this??? How do I choose what to sacrifice? The more people know about me, the more power they have over me... Right?
Ugh fine I'll just put therapy back on the schedule someday lol
#halfcloseted#lgbtqia#queer#asexual#biromantic#lgbt pride#midwest queer#at least I have Chappel Roan#queer christian#people pleaser
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wow this is really. the ratty healy album (extended version) huh.
#the bad taste and delulu jumped out.#at least i discovered chappell roan just in time to have a palate cleanser ššš
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Trying to costume with extremely probable but as yet undiagnosed inattentive ADHD means I am sitting here writing a dumb Tumblr post about how I just drafted another long rant about Dalinar, scrolled through idk how many blogs, contemplated doing many of my different hobbies and have not made even a small slice in the cardboard I'm sitting on in over half an hour
Send help
#dress rehearsals start next Saturday#I should be zooming but in my defense I stayed up until 6am sewing woke at 7:10 then tried to sleep while looping Chappell Roan until 11am#at which point I gave up rest and have been struggling for the next three and a half hours to eat lunch and cut one piece of cardboard#too many thoughts. the thoughts say I must hesitate. and thus the cardboard remains uncut#at least my cats are fed#that's like the one thing I've done right today lmao#i'm ranting again
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i need someone to match my freak (my chappell roan minecraft parodies)
#i am not even joking at this point#chappell roan#minecraft#i have one fully written#two more in progress#and loose ideas for at least three more#i kept every single euphemism#i may have added more actually#it started as a joke but it is so not a joke#i have a ideas for a live action music video and one animated in minecraft#what am i doing#red wine supernova#good luck babe#super graphic ultra modern girl#the rise and fall of a midwest princess
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So happy to announce that I am officially a Chappell Roan fan.
Not that I need a license for that or whatever but damn... Her music is GOOD!
#i hardly listen to pop music but there's something about her songs that reel me in like crazy#usually I'll say i like an artist if i listen to at least three of their songs. a fan if i enjoy an entire album.#TRAFOAMP. In the shower. washing my hair and singing along with all my heart#feeling like a teenage girl in a 2000's TV show living in Beverly Hills and whose only worry is if Jackson will ask her out to prom#(ideally it's Jacqueline but executives wouldn't have liked that)#paperclip talks#chappell roan
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you ever wonder if you were someone's gay awakening
#i am p certain i was at least one person's#and they as a result ghosted tf out of me!#in the words of miss chappell roan good luck babe#my friend and i were having a convo abt what it would have been like if we both were out earlier in life#also if i had realized at ALL that i was not straight bc i did not know that until like. college#but when i look back i def had a crush on one of my friends i just thought it was like. a platonic squish#and i wonder if i very well was that for anyone else LMAO
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truly stuck with the worst people at work today there is nothing wrong with them i just havenāt interacted with any of them
#at least give me One person from the A team#or heāll iāll even take the B team#just One#currently sitting in the parking lot windows down blasting chappell roan#this is all i have#i have to go in in two minutes
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the long-ago aforementioned cool bi girl turned wannabe cathtradwife friend is currently getting flamed on facebook by friend and acquaintances. karma's a bitch ya shoulda known betta
#like she is intelligent enough to at least realize she looks like a massive hypocrite LMAO#babe you know how to have sex w trans women these nice catholic conservatives would call you a freak if they found out#and even if they love you bc you ~were saved~#i'm sure said trans women would love to hear that they were just a stepping stone on your awful sinful past life of debauchery!#before you got with a dude who's a fuckin 4/10 and are suddenly now a catholic conservative on about conspiracy theory shit#and speaking with her privately she seems a lot more like her old self tbh. she told me she was listening to chappell roan LMAO#like babe this is fun lesbian music. just the other day you were posting some shit ab 'mAkE mArRiAgE gOdLy aGaIn'#and i know music is music yada yada but like. girl blink twice if you need help#you're too smart for this#and you DESERVE better than this#and the thing is i don't think speaking to her ab it even chill-y will help#as someone who's seen bigoted spaces a lot of the time any pushback fuels their belief even further#this idea that they're persecuted and are lowkey martyrs for fighting The Good Fight#like no. people just think you suck because you believe and/or advocate for shitty things lol#idk. hope she gets better soon but she seems whipped by this billygoat lookin ass motherfucker sooo#this is so messy i'm stoned sorry folks#my post
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ah, weāve once again arrived at the olā lesbian wake outfit dilemma itās always pinstripe pants tank top blazer combo vs dress and cute shoes combo who are we going to be
#going up north a bit to be there for my dad#at least itās a familiar town loll#Iāll probably not pick the dress because I have a really fucking creepy cousin#also why does that seem to be a universal experience#mines really bad though I already feel a small sense of dread seeing him loool gotta love men#I saw him once in southie while picking up food and felt pure fear and drove around the block to find parking to avoid him#gross#Iāve never been close to my dads side of the family but#one of his brother was married to my moms sister so he feels like both and Iāll be happy to see him#heās not doing well either since my aunt passed#he was always around because of her and my moms side so I see him differently#so Iām going to be there for them two#and to be a good person I guess#already feeling very ! in a bad way about it#itās only 4-8 though so maybe I can catch the sunset after to feel better#blasting chappell roan while getting ready itās fine nothing traumatic is happening
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