#at least i have chappel roan

[acebiacebasis]

K long vaguely unhappy story time again:

I thought my mom was more mature than this, but wow we had a fucking moment tonight. It ended okay basically because we both decided to move on. But I'm definitely still emotionally *tense* and am so ready to move away again and be my own person. I LOVE the family quality time I get watching shows with them, especially in context like this when it's a show that I got them hooked on, but gosh she could not chill on the homophobia for five seconds.

We're watching White Collar and there is an episode in Season 4 that features the lesbian character (who is a badass and funny and amazing FBI agent) more prominently and queerly. Aka instead of just referencing her having a girlfriend, she actually kisses another woman (undercover shenanigans and sexy criminals and all that jazz). My mom literally asked me to skip ahead when these two gorgeous women were only TALKING on a DATE and I avoided skipping at that point because the focus went back to the main crime plot so soon (like, soon as in she finished asking me plus a couple seconds of my hesitation and surprise that my mom couldn't just watch two people fucking talking and not even like heavily flirting or being touchy-feely or anything, and then the moment ended anyway).

So, we move on from that scene and keep watching the episode unfold, and most of it is not actually queer-related so she doesn't throw a fuss (because literally any other time she likes the show). BUT part of the plot to catch the criminal involves these two women going on another date, so my mom starts to kinda get tense again, and then suddenly they kiss and she legitimately hollers out "Oh! No!" and I think it will be fine because it cuts away but then right away they kiss again and my mom starts yelling "Skip it!" And I just hesitate for a split second again because I've seen it before and I know it'll end soon and I try to tell her this and she's just going on and on at full volume over the TV yelling "Who has the remote?! Skip it!! It's GROSS and I don't want to see it!"

So I pause it, pretty upset myself at this point, and stand up to face her and ask "Why?!" and try to say again that it is SO SHORT a moment (like, I said she couldn't watch it for two seconds and she corrected me that it was at least four 🙄) so then I also pull out the religious card (because of course my mom brought up her opinion that "It's a SIN and it's gross and wrong" and blah blah blah) and I challenge that she watches other shows with divorced people or cheating or fucking murderers and she doesn't skip those conversations... And she tries to kinda blow that off as saying she would or whatever justification but she basically gives up that front and turns to my dad and asks "Doesn't it both you?" And he just quietly says "well yeah but I just don't watch" (which he plays on his phone anyway if the show gets too silly for him in other circumstances so that annoys me but I find overall less offensive) so I jump in and say "You could've done that too! You can just look away if it bothers you that much!"

So mostly at that point I'm frustrated and just really flabbergasted that she could not watch sapphic representation for literal SECONDS and I say she can watch what she wants and toss her the remote and I walk out of the room. *But* then I can hear from my room that she checks in with my dad about still watching it and I hear her start it up again, which is GOOD because I want them to watch it and enjoy it and there wasn't any gay stuff for her to throw a fit about for the rest of it anyway (besides some conversational references that I expected her to skip and she didn't, so my dad must've told her it didn't matter or something)...

Anyway because I'm an absolute sucker for this show I ended up going back out and said "Okay, if you're still watching it then I'll watch it with you." And because of course I want to watch in solidarity with this one queer episode and enjoy the representation. But golly.

------

And another thing is that I already had queerness heavily on the brain. I saw a homophobic post by a fb friend from high school (who I really should probably unfriend, especially cause this isn't the first homophobic post I've seen by him, but instead I just unfollowed because I'm a sucker that can't quite give up being liked or having sources of information yet... But I'm working on that) and anyway he also is a "Christian" and is supposed to have found faith more as an adult and apparently talks about it a lot but from what I can tell it just seems like he's grown into being a bully?

So I have already been feeling convicted again NOT about how queerness is a sin BUT how to bridge my queer communities with my Christian communities because I feel like they should be united and instead they're at war and it breaks my heart.

...if you made it this far, thanks for reading. Also, sorry for us both if you relate.

Prayers for hearts to be opened, I guess.

10-20-24

[ragingbullmode]

im seeing very little coverage (at least on here) about how moo dengs popularity on the internet is leading to her being harassed at the zoo as well as how the khao kheow open zoo has a history of multiple cases of animal abuse for sake of entertainment (tw for the last link specifically- its a video that begins with a few seconds of moo dengs image but shows a baby elephant being stabbed & swat with a stick by a keeper for ‘discipline’).

while im glad that moo deng IS bringing awareness & a new love for pigmy hippos (which have a dwindling suggested 2000-3000 number population in the wild), i think we should also take into account that not all zoos/animal sanctuaries take the best interests of the animals they are supposed to care for to heart- especially ones that put more of a focus on entertaining tourists than caring for their animals.

[onyourstageleft]

[thawthebeez]

thinking about it..... really thinking about it.........

[samstinysymphony]

SUPER GRAPHIC ULTRA MODERN ✨️

[very-offkey-kazoo]

do we think chappell's credit score has recovered

[astudyinfreewill]

wow this is really. the ratty healy album (extended version) huh.

[acebiacebasis]

I keep going back and forth on

- my queerness is not anyone's business

- staying subtle about my queerness tends to win me points in the Midwest and/or rural and/or Christian communities I spend lots of quality time in

- my queerness is a part of me and something I wish more people would celebrate with me in person

- my relationship with faith/Jesus/religion is also a part of me and I wish I didn't feel like it's easier to dim that in queer communities like I feel I have to dim/hide my queerness in Christian communities

- choosing what to show people at different times is always based on what I feel safe to do, and I won't feel guilty about that or about my desires both to people-please and to people-guide (aka manipulate...nicely lol)

BUT ALSO IT IS ANNOYING

Like, idk, probably doesn't help that I'm rewatching Miraculous Ladybug and really feeling the story pressure of the whole secret identity thing, but why does my indecisive personality have to constantly be tested on this??? How do I choose what to sacrifice? The more people know about me, the more power they have over me... Right?

Ugh fine I'll just put therapy back on the schedule someday lol

[diabolicalworldwriter]

Trying to costume with extremely probable but as yet undiagnosed inattentive ADHD means I am sitting here writing a dumb Tumblr post about how I just drafted another long rant about Dalinar, scrolled through idk how many blogs, contemplated doing many of my different hobbies and have not made even a small slice in the cardboard I'm sitting on in over half an hour

Send help

[cheesh]

i need someone to match my freak (my chappell roan minecraft parodies)

[paperclipfanatic]

So happy to announce that I am officially a Chappell Roan fan.

Not that I need a license for that or whatever but damn... Her music is GOOD!

[kingjonghyun]

you ever wonder if you were someone's gay awakening

[calamitoustide]

truly stuck with the worst people at work today there is nothing wrong with them i just haven’t interacted with any of them

[bigmeansweatydyke]

the long-ago aforementioned cool bi girl turned wannabe cathtradwife friend is currently getting flamed on facebook by friend and acquaintances. karma's a bitch ya shoulda known betta

[mer-se]

ah, we’ve once again arrived at the ol’ lesbian wake outfit dilemma it’s always pinstripe pants tank top blazer combo vs dress and cute shoes combo who are we going to be

[sumarmz]

WONT MAKE MY MAMA PROUD, ITS GONNA CAUSE A SCENE

I KNOW SHES GONNA SCREAM

GOOOODDDD WHAT HAVE YOU DONE

YOURE A PINK PONY GIRL