#kicked me out with the rent paid / ruined my credit

[very-offkey-kazoo]

do we think chappell's credit score has recovered

[canmargesimpson]

Idk just a weird story I got in the middle of the night

When Robin told Steve they were going to New York to see an old friend, the last thing on his mind was to end up in an underground queer bar with drag queens and prostitutes. I mean he’s not complaining, but why couldn’t they meet over coffee like friends, or just a regular bar, but no. It had to be a basement of a pizza restaurant where glitter and the sticky feeling was all around them. 

“Robin, are you sure this is the place?” he said as she moved through the crowd to a free table, in front of the small yet very illuminated stage “cuz i dont think… these are your type of friends?”

“Hey handsome” a transvestite placed a hand on his shoulder and let her long nail press along making him shiver “Want something to drink?”

Robin smiled, completely pleased with the situation his friend was it

“Give me a rum and coke, and for the gentleman… get him a shirley temple please”

“What?! No!” steve shook his head “ a beer is fine please”

“A rum and coke and shirley temple on their way” she laughs as she walks away

Robin laughs too as she takes her purse and places it on the table. Steve just flips her off and looks around trying to understand where they were. The drinks were eventually served, and thankfully Steve got his beer, but also a phone number.

“Wet Wendy?” Steve reads “Her name is Wet wendy…”

“I have heard worst” robin scruggs, “and come on, have fun, you’re a fresh bisexual, and you're surrounded by everything you might like, no need to stress”

Steve breathes deeply and looks around, and before he can say something a loud music starts. It's a 80s like beat that is quite slow, and the lights started to go down while the stage curtains open

“Steve, it's starting,” Robin says as she hands him a 20 dollar bill. 

On the stage there's a chair and a woman with her back to the audience. She has long, vicious hair that is curly and puffy. The person turns around and starts to sing the song. 

“We broke up on a tuesday, 

kicked me out with the rent paid

Ruined my credit

Stole my cute aesthetic”

And oh boy was Steve hooked. Other than the amazing hair, she was wearing some small yet clear devil horns. On her face was drawn a big white heart on her face, with the rest being red. The face on her though made his jeans tight, but just a bit. I'm talking bright blue eyeshadow, with some jewels and some big lashes that made the eyes pop brighter than ever he thought it was possible. There was a red lip tainted on her lips that were glossy and shiny. And the outfit was the best part of it all. She was wearing black pleather heels with red and black lingerie that fit like a glove. No to add a thigh corset that shaped the body like an hourglass. Steve was drooling.

But when the bridge started steve was pretty sure he was in heaven

It’s hot

When you have a meltdown 

In the front of your house 

And you’re getting kicked out 

It’s hot

When you’re drinking downtown

And you’re getting called out 

Cause you’re running your mouth 

Oh god

The way she crawled on the floor while lip syncing the moans of the song made Steve's ears burn like a fever. She then layed on the floor on her back, to then arch it and show the red wine bra that had black jewels like nippels. She then got on her feet and got off the stage and walked around. People started to hand her dollars and she just grabbed them, stuffed them on her bra and then painties. Steve had to blink twice to make sure he was awake. 

The girl then noticed him. He cracked. He let out a sigh like a moan as she locked eyes with her. Her dark brown almost black eyes looked like those supernovae in Dustin space books. It just got him trapped voluntarily and it made him gulp. She started to strut to him and grabbed him by the jaw to look up at her. 

Ruin your life 

You losing you mind

You dying your hair 

People say I’m jealous but my kink is watching you

crashing your car 

You breaking your heart

You thinking I care

People say I’m jealous but my kink is karma 

She sang those words as she stared at him and smirked while taking a seat on his lap. God he was in trouble now. It took everything in him to stay still and not let his third leg rise up, but sometimes things just happen and it's inevitable. He looked up at her so ashamed and sorry for what he's doing, and for making her uncomfortable. She is trying to do her job and here is Steve with his willy hard. But it was as he looked up in awe at her, as she sang to the audience while dancing on him, that she enjoyed it of sorts. She then looked down at him, smirked and kissed him, hardly leaving a bright red stain on his lips that he would rather die than to take it off. 

She climbed off him and walked back to the stage to dance where she made it very clear that not only she loves the attention but also loves the feeling on the stage. She belongs there, with her hair flowing with her moves. The way she portrays the song made it feel like she was singing to him and only him. Steve felt like he was in a world with only him and her. It was crazy.

He didn't even realize she had left until robin was snapping her finger in front of him. He looked at her and blinked again quickly and looked around

“Where did she go?” 

“Her set finished 10 minutes ago, have you just been imagining her this entire time you perv?” she laughs, but steve just stares at her

“I need to meet her” he says

“Well you will”

“What!?”

“Yeah! In a few so go to the bathroom and get yourself together men, your friend joined the party, and that not really cute when meeting new people”

Steve stood up and ran to the bathroom that thank the lord was empty at the time. He washed his face and removed the lipstick stain from his lips  and tried to calm down whatever was happening with him and his body at the moment. God he's about to meet her! He need to make a great first impression because then he’s fucked. He moved his hair from one side to another till it looked great. He smiled to the mirror and winked hyping himself up. 

“Come on harrington, you got this' ' He said before leaving the bathroom.

Robin and him walked toward the back of the so-called bar to where a room with a star on the door hung where the word “dressing room” was written. Robin knocked twice before opening the door to find a bunch of men in makeup and robes running around changing wig and shoes. But on the very end, the dark curly mane stood up clearly. Steve swallowed and inhaled deeply as they walked into the dressing room towards her. She was wearing one of those 50s womens robes with the edge being fur. It was black with red fur and it was transparent enough for Steve to see some tattoos on her back that he didn't seem to see earlier. 

“Hey!!” Robin said excitedly and she turned around.

Steve’s smiles didn’t fall… but it definitely twitched.

“Hey robs” Eddie munson said with a cig on his lips. 

He looked better than Steve remembered from high school. He looked…. Amazing actually. The way his jaw was sharp and fine, his smirk was wider and flirtier than ever. He looked…. Even better than the stage.

“How are you feeling harrington?” he smirked “didn’t know you were one for underground bars, i thought you were more of a… 3 star michelin kind of guy”

The way he smoothed talked and slithered into Steve’s head made him literally stutter with his words

“I-i-i  I mean- You- wha- li-” he then gave up trying to speak and just nodded subtly “yep”

[midnightblvc]

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐄𝐋𝐋 𝐑𝐎𝐀𝐍 𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒 𝐏𝐓. 𝟏.

sentence starters taken from chappell roan's album The Rise and Fall of a Midwest Princess (2023) and the ep Good luck, babe (2024). change pronouns as you see fit. 

learned it on the internet

think back to what you said and I turn red

sometimes I scare myself but I can't help what I can't help

I fantasize what we would do

and how would it taste?

can we drag it out and never quit?

you're a pothead

you're a cinephile

it's been awhile since you turned up the dial

kicked me out with the rent paid ruined my credit, stole my cute aesthetic

karma's real, hope it's your turn

I heard from katie you're losing it lately

you're getting kicked out

you're getting called out 'cause you're running your mouth

people say i'm jealous

six months since april and I'm doing better

no need to be hateful in your fake gucci sweater

it's fine, it's cool

you can say that we are nothing, but you know the truth

I don't wanna call it off

you only wanna be the one that i call baby

you can say it's just the way you are, make a new excuse, another stupid reason

good luck, babe

and I cry, it's not fair

I just need a little lovin'

I just need a little air

I just wanna love someone who calls me baby

you know i hate to say it, I told you so

got so close but then you lost it

should've listened to your friends 'bout his girlfriend back in boston

he disappeared from the second that you said "let's get coffee, let's meet up"

um, can you play a song with a fucking beat?

you pretend to love his mother

I'm so sick of online love

but does it happen? no

here we go again, everything is fine

i guess we could pretend we didn't cross a line

but ever since that day...

If you really wanna leave I'll never make you stay

whatever you decide I will understand

and just go back to being friends

how it works, I'll never know

turn it to the left and right

it's beautiful somehow

put it all in words

the only one is you

and if you change your mind i will undestand

[ken-okamoto-official]

We broke up on a Tuesday Kicked me out with the rent paid Ruined my credit, stole my cute aesthetic Who knew that we'd let it get this bad when it ended

It's comical, bridges you burn If karma's real, hope it's your turn I heard from Katie you're losing it lately Moved back with your parents and date girls who are 18

It's hot when you have a meltdown In the front of your house and you're getting kicked out It's hot when you're drinking downtown And you're getting called out 'cause you're running your mouth

Oh, God And it's coming around, yeah, it's coming around Yeah, it's coming around, oh, God Oh, God

People say I'm jealous, but my kink is watching You ruin your life, you losing your mind, you dyeing your hair People say I'm jealous, but my kink is watching You crashing your car, you breaking your heart, you thinking I care People say I'm jealous, but my kink is karma

Wishing you the best in the worst way Using your distress as foreplay Six months since April and I'm doing better No need to be hateful in your fake Gucci sweater

But it's hot when you have a meltdown In the front of your house and you're getting kicked out It's hot when you're drinking downtown And you're getting called out 'cause you're running your mouth

Oh, God And it's coming around, yeah, it's coming around Yeah, it's coming around, oh, God Oh, God

People say I'm jealous, but my kink is watching You ruin your life, you losing your mind, you dyeing your hair People say I'm jealous, but my kink is watching You crashing your car, you breaking your heart, you thinking I care People say I'm jealous, but my kink is karma

It's hot when you're going through hell And you're hating yourself, I'm feeling myself It's hot when you know that you're caught And you're getting pissed off, it's getting me off It's hot, it's hot, oh god, oh god, oh god

People say I'm jealous, but my kink is watching You ruin your life, you losing your mind, you dyeing your hair (your hair) People say I'm jealous, but my kink is watching You crashing your car, you breaking your heart, you thinking I care People say I'm jealous, but my kink is karma

what if I set you on fire

[stayandcozy]

Chapter 0: Birds of…

Chapter Summary: Solana navigates a difficult situation as she seeks to support herself and her mother. Facing tough choices, she has an unexpected breakthrough that brings a sense of hope and change, offering her a glimpse of a brighter future.

WORD COUNT: 3715

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“You’re missing a hundred and seventy three dollars Solana. I made an exception for your mother last month but I can’t do it again. I need you to get the rest to me by tonight.” 

Fuck. Saturdays. What a shame such a beautiful day had to be ruined by that god awful, unrelenting fire in me every other Saturday seemed to bring. I could hear my mom’s voice in my head as the feelings bubbled to the surface. Think of the best thing that happened to you today. Even with her aged face, Mom’s beauty never faltered. That’s because it shines brightly from within. Something that wasn’t biological, apparently. 

I looked Mr. Romaro in the eyes, gauging if there was any way he was bluffing but I only found his lips thinned in a line and the hint of sorrow behind his spectacles. 

When I leaned my head back to take a breath, I saw the water damage littered on the ceiling. He needed the money just as badly as I did. I tried to think back over my day, quick flashes of blurred memories passed behind my eyes. Then one came in clear. It was of my favorite old lady, other than my mom, smiling fondly at me as I tried to get change for my pack of gum. When she realized I didn’t have enough she slid it across the counter and nodded her head in acknowledgment. 

“Alright. I’ll see you later then Mr. Romaro. I’m sorry about th—”

“It’s okay Solana. Tonight, alright?”

The need to scream and slam my fist against the brick wall outside tempted me. But we didn’t need a broken hand on top of everything else. 

Navigating the streets of New York should have been second nature to me. But it wasn’t. I hated the way sweaty bodies pressed up against me. I hated the way men walked through the streets like they owned it. I mostly hated that it was Saturday in the city. And I couldn’t enjoy the warm weather and blue skies because all I could think about was how later that night I’d have to see my mom’s exhausted and downhearted face. 

Mom knew me better than anyone and because of that it was no surprise she could see how miserable I’ve been the last three years. Whenever I’d manage to get cast, our rent would be due and I’d have to leave the project to take on odd jobs. It wasn’t mom’s fault, she provided the best she could. But I know those nights of hearing me sob ate her insides alive until she was nothing but skin and bones. 

I should have rejected her proposal. I knew better. But when she was sitting on the couch, her knees touching mine, with my face in her hands… I don’t think even the coldest of men could have said no to her. I wish I could have been cold. Because now we were here on a miserable fucking Saturday. Missing rent money, behind on credit cards, all because mom wanted me to chase my dreams. But when have dreams ever paid the bills?

“Mom, are you home?” I called out while entering the apartment.

Nothing but the leaky drip in the corner and the muffled dialogue of some old rerun on the tv. I clicked it off and sat on the couch. The metallic thunk of the water hitting the bucket was beckoning me into a sleep state. One I so desperately wanted to give into. Just as my eyes became too heavy to fight, a jingling of keys and mumbled curse words sounded just behind the front door. My body went on autopilot trying to sit up, arising like a vampire and trying to blink the verge of sleep away. 

“—you know that's not fair, Mike. I have been with you guys for years! Fucking years! You can’t just—No I won’t, you don’t—No, Mike, you fucking don’t—I’ve been a great team member—Then what is it about? Don’t you dare end this conversation—Mike!”

Mom threw the mail in her arms and kicked at one floating down. “God damnit all to hell!” Mom never used to swear. She did a lot these days. It was surreal to see first hand what the pressure of money did to happy people. 

“Mike fired you?” I asked. As if caught with her hand in the cookie jar her eyes widened and she flinched. 

“Jeez Lana, you scared me. Aren’t you supposed to be at a reading?”

”Went with another actor. All good. Hey momma, did you accidentally leave out some money from rent?”

”I thought he’d maybe let it slide. He wasn’t mean to you was he?”

”No. Do you happen to have it? Mr. Romaro says he’ll give us until midnight to get it to him.” 

She started rummaging through her purse, frantically pulling out ones and a few fives. “Come here Sunshine, can you help me count while I look?”

I hummed a response and crawled over to where she had thrown the mail. Picking it up and tapping it on the counter, I stacked the pile and set it down. Large red letters glared back at me. I used to love the color red, until I found out the way banks highlight phrases in red to scare you. Now all I can see in it is a threatening undertone that makes me uncomfortable. I flipped the top one upside down. Mom then handed me the cash from her purse and walked into the kitchen. I sat and counted. One, two, three, four, five, ten, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen. She opened the fridge and brought out a short metal cylinder. One of those ones rich people liked to make ice cream in. God, what I would give for her only worries be about what kind of ice cream she was going to make this week. 

“I swear I had something here—Lana did you take it?”

”We used that to pay for electricity. What about the safe in your room?”

”Yeah… Let me go see.”

Time was against me. Drive I had, and passion consumed me. Yet my time to break into the industry never came. If I didn’t land something consistent soon, Mom was going to die in this shitty apartment. She does so much for others, the very least I could do is take her far away from here. Somewhere where the rain is a welcomed friend, not a deathly worry. 

“I needed to pay back Mrs. Esters for the food she gave us. The safe money is gone too.” She paused, her eyes scanning the kitchen and living. “Okay! Um.. What about…the couch! We find money in there sometimes!” She finally says. 

Before I could get up, she was already tearing off the cushions of the loveseat and throwing them near me. A half laugh fell from my lips seeing her pull an old pair of glasses from the depths of the worn couch. She tossed them aside and kept digging. The pile of cash felt magnetic to my eyes. I vowed to myself and Mom that I wouldn’t go back to that abomination they called a “Dance House,” but seeing the crushing desperation in Mom, it became clear. I was going to have to go back to Danny if we wanted to keep good standing with Mr. Romaro. 

She finally stood up, her hair flying out in wild ways, she was breathing a little heavy. Fuck. Not in the shitty apartment. She deserves better. “I think I’d rather have found nothing than a few coins and a dollar.” 

Mom’s pupils were blown and though she held a positive demeanor, I could see the panic swirling behind them. So I did what she taught me to do, smile when you think people need it. Her shoulders dropped slightly and her eyes got shiny.

“It’ll be okay Momma. I think Mrs. Abbadi has some work for me. I talked to her earlier at the gas station. I’ll go swing by. Can I borrow your backpack?”

“Sure Sunshine.”

She headed towards the bedroom and I leapt up. One of Mom’s quirks, one we often laughed about, was her short term memory loss. The backpack was hanging on the hook near the door. I had probably two minutes before she got upset and came back out. The problem with living in a one bedroom apartment with your parent was the lack of privacy. All of my clothes were in a big trunk we used as a coffee table. I opened it and dug through the piles until I found the lacy black set I was looking for. That set always made me the most money. It was my desperation set. I snagged a jacket and bundled the lingerie inside, checking over my shoulder just in time to see mom coming out again.

“—tell me how a backpack just disappears!”

“All good, I don’t need it.”

“Why are you bringing a jacket? It’s 85 out.”

“Just in case, you never know.”

She narrowed her eyes, and it felt like I was cemented in place by some sort of maternal magic. Her gaze was reaching deep into my soul, and I begged, pleaded, for some divine power to blind her just this once. Only when she released her breath did I release mine. I turned on my heel, desperate to get away from her all knowing eyes, but before I could reach the door, she stopped me.

“Come here.” She said. I felt panic rise in me. Then she turned me around and planted a soft loving kiss to my temple. “I’m sorry. I love you. Better days will come for us.” 

The panic morphed into guilt and my eyes felt tingly. “I love you too Mom.” I hoped she couldn’t hear the quiver laced in my voice, and even more so, I hoped she didn’t see the backpack hanging. 

Red Lights was the name of New York's scummiest strip club. The building itself was actually really clean for such a dirty place. If it wasn’t for slimy men and god awful management, the neon lights and dancing girls would have been a welcomed scene. Before my dreams of voice acting, I saw myself like many young girls do, as a ballerina. Dancing was rejuvenating. But when the hard times came, it was one of the many things tainted for me. 

The street that held Red Lights wasn’t the safest. People lingered around the bars. A drugged out woman would pass by swaying into you trying to pick a fight. A man would cat call you across the street, then get angry when you ignored him. It was always the worst nights at the club when they would follow me in. They never gave money and always got too handsy. 

Dusk was coming as I turned the corner to the infamous street. A group of men stood outside the club with their arms crossed. I could see Danny, a man much smaller than them, push one back. He only tripped a little but it was enough for it to clearly offend the drunk man. I walked up to them just as Danny’s meathead came out. He chased them off and returned to a position by the door. 

“No fuckin’ way, ain’t it the brightest day in hell whens you come around Sunny.” Laughed Danny as he opened the door for me. 

“I’ve told you to stop calling me that.”

“Awww—Ma still the only one allowed?”

“Do you have room for an extra dancer? Tonight only.”

“Just your luck. Destiny called in, told me shes got herself the fuckin’ clap.”

“Yeah. Lucky me.”

“Though you wanna only do tonight yeah? I’ll have to charge an uprated fee for the space. I’m feelin’ nice. Sixty.”

“Jesus Danny, last time it was only forty dollars—”

“No, no, no, no. You misunderstand me. Sixty percent.”

“What the hell? Since when?”

“Since now. Or ya know,  you could always sign with the club. I’d be happy to drop you to the normal rate then.”

“Fuck you.”

“ Now that’s a pretty idea too Sunny. Maybe if you suck me off real nice I’ll think about dropping it.”

“Fuck. You.”

I balled my fist in my hand, using every ounce of will power in me to not slap Danny’s smug face. The brute outside surely wouldn’t have cared if he had to hit me. He’s done it to plenty of the other girls when Danny didn’t get his way. I turned to leave but the jacket in my hands became heavy. Mom crossed my mind. Would she be horrified to know what I was doing to stop our eviction? It was stupid of me to even entertain. I could feel Danny’s presence behind me. It was as if I had an angel and devil sandwiching me. The angel was calling to me in my subconscious telling me not to turn around. But the devil behind me, painted images in my head of my mom, sick and starving on the streets. So I turned around.

“You can have your sixty percent, but I’d sooner die than blow you. Poor Destiny probably got chlamydia from you.”

I braced myself for the slap I thought was inevitably coming but he just laughed off the insult and tapped my butt a few times. 

“Better take some private rooms tonight. You may not be fuckin’ me tonight but you will be fuckin’ someone.” He howled with more laughter as he walked off. 

When Danny’s soul was being created, I like to think that they added too much narcissism and slime, then accidentally sent him off unfinished. Because that’s all the man was. Plump like a  ball of disease, horniness and an ego that rivaled even Napoleon. Don’t let him shake you, Solana. A cold shower could wash off the sweat from dancing. But it would never take away the dirt he slathered on me.  

While walking to the back I peeked into the main room. Flashing pink and red lights lit up the audience, and within the crowd I could see a few of the regulars. They paid well for private dancing except rooms with them often held little dancing. So I agreed with myself, to only use them as a last resort. I waved to a few of the girls I knew and made my way to the dressing room. The Red Light Club made an obscene amount of money, so I knew it was simply Danny's perverted idea to have no bathrooms, stalls, or any sort of privacy for the girls in the club. If the dancers needed to pee, they would go to the public one where men could get a free mini show. Or if the dancers needed to change, they would have to strip in front of one another. It was an act that didn’t bug most of them. I wasn’t most. 

I felt humiliated as the girls watched me undress in the mirror. None of them ever said anything negative to me, in fact they often would try to boost my confidence before my turn. What kind of sick person does something so dehumanizing, complain about it, then comes back over and over again. Red Light had its claws in me. And much like how my mom gave her life to that diner, if I didn’t get out, I was going to give my life to this club. 

Latex was a very popular choice for the dancers to wear. Every single time I brought out the same simple black lace teddy, I felt insecure. Looking in the mirror, I figdeted with the fabric near my breasts. I only needed to do a few hours on stage and maybe a few private dances. I could do it. The corners of my eyes started to itch and I stared as the stray tear rolled down my face. 

“Hey Solana, Danny says you’re on in two,” said a short and curvy blonde woman. 

I tapped the wetness on my face away and she gave me a sympathetic look. I didn’t need her pity. I needed to make money. Because it was Saturday and on Saturday the bills were due. 

We started to head out of the room when a phone started ringing. I looked behind me but a few of the girls were looking to my phone and then me. Fuck, Mom is probably trying to check in. I should let her know I’m okay. I’d just be lying to her again. 

“Sorry it’s my mom. It’ll just be a second.”

The blonde tightened her lips in a line as if my request was personally affecting her. I couldn’t help but roll my eyes and turn to my phone. On the screen I expected to see my moms little emoji, but it wasn’t her. It was my talent manager Audrey. Maybe she was letting me know about another role gone from me. Bitterness swept through me like a wave and I thought about rejecting the call. However, the angels voice, who sounded so much like mom, asked me to answer. What if this was the one. It kept ringing, and I couldn’t make up my mind on time. Soon the ringing ended. 

“Solana, come on. Dannys gonna freak.” The girl said. 

Angel and devil.

I hurriedly looked throughout the room until I recognized one of the girls.

“Nicki! Can you switch slots with me?”

“Um. Yeah? Everything okay?” She asked.

“I don’t know yet. Ask me when you get off stage.” 

There was only one other girl in the room after they left. So with a deep breath I clicked Audreys number. The phone rang and rang. Then when I thought it would click off she answered. Five seconds passed before she spoke.

“Solana Pavlov, oh the woman you are. I’m freaking out for you. God I have such great news. You know that stoic character we sent in for like five months ago?”

“I thought you said they went with other actors?”

“Well, I just didn’t hear from them. I mean after three months would you keep waiting?”

��No.”

“No. Exactly. Anyways they got back to me. They want you Solana! They really, really, really. Want you!”

All of the air in my chest felt like it was punched out of me. No way. Me?

“A—are you positive Audrey? Wasn’t this the international one?” 

“Yup and yup! Don’t hate me for this but I’ve already told them yes.”

Something new inside me sparked. I felt bright. My tears welled again, but finally for a good reason.

“That’s…perfect. Thank you Audrey. This is a lot to take in. I need to go share the news with my mom.”

“Tell Mama Pavlov I say hi. We’ll talk more tomorrow. Theres a lot of information you’ll want. But for now, enjoy your moment. I’ll be in touch—”

“—wait! Audrey I have a huge favor to ask. Can you ask them for an advancement of payment? Just like two hundred dollars?”

She was quiet on the line for a bit and I worried if I had overstepped. “I just sent you five. Go take your mom to a nice dinner on me.” 

“What? No, that's way too generous—” Click. She had hung up on me. A sliver of me wanted to feel uncomfortable with the gesture, but the excitement won over when I heard the ding of a notification. It was Audrey’s venmo coming in. Attached was a little note, ‘I knew you could do it.’ 

I don’t think I could have changed out of my clothes faster. If there was an olympic sport, I surely would have been a medalist. Giddiness tingled over my body, and noises of excitement spilled from me like a child unable to control their emotions. 

It was easy finding an ATM to deposit the cash. It was easying making my way to Mr. Romaros office. And it felt blissful to see his surprised face when I came in with an envelope in my hand. We didn’t exchange many words, he just held a small smile as he watched me count it out to him. 

“You seem happy tonight,” he said.

“I am,” I responded.

Taking the bus at night was better than the day. Less people meant more energy for my mind to wander. My normal grey thoughts were exceptionally vibrant and I thought about the potential future overseas. In this moment, I felt like I was dancing with life once more. 

I started walking towards our building and shifted the weight of my jacket. Doing so unbundled the lingerie and out fell the black lace. When I reached down to pick it up, the garbage bins caught my eye. If I was wrong about this… If it didn't work out… I turned off my thoughts and threw the set into the bin. A token of trust. A new promise for me and my mom. I’ll do it this time. For us.

I didn’t mean to barrel into our apartment like a bullet. I was just excited. Can you blame me? I was nearly leaping up the stairs to the fifth floor. Inside, my mom groggily awoke from her slumber on the couch. I bounced over to her and kneeled by the couch. She had the pair of glasses she found on. I smiled at her. And she knew, like her all knowing eyes always do, that something had changed in me. She placed her hand on my cheek and I placed mine atop hers. 

“Good day?” She asked.

“A perfect day.” I said. 

“I’m glad to hear that Sunshine.”

“Can I sleep out here with you tonight?”

“Of course.”

I went to grab a blanket from her bed. On her nightstand she had a small digital clock. It read 11:57 pm. It was still Saturday. 

I came back to the living room with a smile on my face and a lightness in my heart. My makeshift bed next to mom wasn’t perfect. Hell it was barely comfortable. But seeing her sleeping face, with a ghost of a smile made everything perfect. That night I fell asleep holding my moms hand and I couldn’t wait to tell her about how good Saturday was.

AUTHOR NOTE: (Stay)

Wow! I can’t believe it’s finally here. I’m so happy to introduce you to Solana. I hope you follow us through this story. It’s a long one. (:

We’d love your support on Wattpad, if you could vote and comment on our story. You can find us on Wattpad here.

[sapphosdickandballs]

We broke up on a Tuesday Kicked me off with the rent paid Ruined my credit, stole my cute aesthetic Who knew that we'd let it Get this bad when it ended?

It's comical, bridges you burn If karma's real, hope it's your turn I heard from Katie You're losing it lately Moved back with your parents And date girls who are 18

It's hot when you have a meltdown At the front of your house and you're getting kicked out It's hot when you're drinking downtown And you're getting called out 'cause you're running your mouth Oh God, And it's coming around, yeah it's coming around, yeah it's coming around Oh God, Oh God, People say I'm jealous, but my kink is watching

You ruin your life You losing your mind You dyeing your hair People say I'm jealous, but my kink is watching You crashing your heart You breaking your heart You thinking I care People say I'm jealous, but my kink is karma

Wishing you the best in the worst way Using your distress as foreplay Six months since April and I'm doing better No need to be hateful in your fake Gucci sweater

But it's hot when you have a meltdown In the front of your house and you're getting kicked out It's hot when you're drinking downtown And you're getting called out 'cause you're running your mouth

Oh, God And it's coming around, yeah, it's coming around Yeah, it's coming around, oh, God Oh, God

People say I'm jealous, but my kink is watching You ruin your life, you losing your mind, you dyeing your hair People say I'm jealous, but my kink is watching You crashing your car, you breaking your heart, you thinking I care People say I'm jealous, but my kink is karma

It's hot when you're going through hell And you're hating yourself, I'm feeling myself It's hot when you know that you're caught And you're getting pissed off, it's getting me off It's hot, it's hot, oh god, oh god, oh god

People say I'm jealous, but my kink is watching You ruin your life, you losing your mind, you dyeing your hair People say I'm jealous, but my kink is watching You crashing your car, you breaking your heart, you thinking I care People say I'm jealous, but my kink is karma

[sororygilmore]

we broke up on a tuesday kicked me out with the rent paid ruined my credit stole my cute aesthetic!!! who knew we’d let it get this bad when it ended?!

[marvin-falsettos]

We broke up on a Tuesday Kicked me out with the rent paid Ruined my credit, stole my cute aesthetic Who knew that we'd let it Get this bad when it ended? It's comical, bridges you burn If karma's real, hope it's your turn I heard from Katie You're losing it lately Moved back with your parents And date girls who are eighteen It's hot when you have a meltdown In the front of your house and you're getting kicked out It's hot when you're drinking downtown And you're getting called out 'cause you're running your mouth Oh, God And it's coming around, yeah, it's coming around, yeah, it's coming around Oh, God, oh, God People say I'm jealous, but my kink is watching You ruin your life You losing your mind You dyeing your hair People say I'm jealous, but my kink is watching You crashing your car You breaking your heart You thinking I care People say I'm jealous, but my kink is karma Wishing you the best, in the worst way Using your distress as foreplay Six months since April and I'm doing better No need to be hateful in your fake Gucci sweater But it's hot when you have a meltdown In the front of your house and you're getting kicked out It's hot when you're drinking downtown And you're getting called out 'cause you're running your mouth Oh, God And it's coming around, yeah, it's coming around, yeah, it's coming around Oh, God, oh, God People say I'm jealous, but my kink is watching You ruin your life You losing your mind You dyeing your hair People say I'm jealous, but my kink is watching You crashing your car You breaking your heart You thinking I care People say I'm jealous, but my kink is karma It's hot when you're going through hell And you're hating yourself, I'm feeling myself It's hot when you know that you're caught And you're getting pissed off, it's getting me off It's hot, it's hot Oh, God, oh, God Oh, God People say I'm jealous, but my kink is watching You ruin your life You losing your mind You dyeing your hair People say I'm jealous, but my kink is watching You crashing your car You breaking your heart You thinking I care People say I'm jealous, but my kink is karma

(i couldnt choose which lyrics so i copypasted off of genius i am. so sorry. i coukdnt stop myself.)

Righht so these are songs, okay.

[nebulouswaters]

My roommate moves out on Saturday. In the 36 months she lived with me she paid rent 9 times and paid for utilities 7 times.

That is in addition to the fact that I solely paid for all the furniture (including the table hand repaired for me by my grandfather that she ruined), the TV, the vacuum, the kitchen appliances, all kitchenware (bowls, plates, etc.), literally all cleaning supplies (not that she ever used them), hand soap, dishwasher soap and liquid, all pest control, TP and Paper Towel for the apt, hand towels, delicates washing bags (several of which she lost), all handyman tools, the tape and tape dispenser she is currently using to tape up all her moving boxes, countless meals and food for when she was starving and had 'nothing to eat' (aka didn't feel like cooking food), and so much more that I can't even recall at this point.

I genuinely can't imagine how she is going to get by with just her boyfriend in their new apt with 1 job supporting both of them. This time around there's not going to be someone there who is required to pay on their behalf due to guilt and not waiting shit on their credit score. They'll have no one around keeping subconscious track of what food and household goods are needed and buying for them to constantly mysteriously stay stocked at all times. Their messes won't miraculously disappear after a few hours/days. The dishes won't do themselves anymore. They're probably going to end up with an ant infestation at the very minimum with how much food and crumbs they leave around everywhere they go. When they break something no one will be around to say, oh, I have wood glue and a screwdriver here, we can fix that! Their trash won't take itself out. Their fridge and pantry won't be mandatorily cleaned out of spoiled food every week. Their floors won't be vacuumed and mopped regularly. Their hand soap won't spontaneous refill itself whenever it gets low.

I know it's mean but on some level I genuinely look forward to the schadenfreude of her realizing just how much she took me and my work for granted. How she no longer has the security of knowing someone will pay her rent and she won't get kicked out so there's no rush to get a job or no need to keep a job she doesn't like, she can just quit if she wants and she'll still have a place to live.

She's my friend and I love her but also I have so so much resentment for the way she's treated me these past few years. I took her in out of an absolutely dangerous and desperate situation because I cared about her. I didn't press her when she left her job due to the terrible treatment that she was receiving. I provided for her while she spent an entire year 'looking for work' and had literally zero income. And she repays me by finally getting a new job and quitting it within 3 months because she 'couldn't handle it'. Meanwhile my job goes through layoffs and can't provide raises so due to inflation I'm making 7% less than I was this time last year.

[themeanpea]

┉┈◈◉◈┈┉

We broke up on a Tuesday Kicked me out with the rent paid Ruined my credit, stole my cute aesthetic Who knew that we'd let it get this bad when it ended?

┉┈◈◉◈┈┉

Obsessed with Chappell Roan so had to draw Cael getting kicked out by his toxic demon boyfriend while My Kink is Karma plays in the bg.

[silveralias]

Big old update or processing dump below, if u don’t want to see bad vibes don’t look. If you want an overview of my current situation, by all means.

So using this as a processing mechanism because oh buddy oh pal there’s been a lot of shit going on in my life lately.

First of all: moved out of my home state: Alaska. Why? To be closer to my girlfriend and also to get the hell away from my mentally ill and borderline (?) abusive father before he finally snaps and I would have gotten kicked out anyway.  I spent 6 days on the road, covering almost 700 miles a day (on average. Some days were more). I was driving from 7:30am until 10pm most days with my dog and a car full of necessities I could fit. I had a job lined up but no place to stay until about 5 days before I was due to start my job. I managed to get a room in a house with all other utilities paid for for 1.2k. I had to provide my security deposit as well as first month’s rent by June 1st. 2.4k total. It was all luck that I got that far.

Most people who follow me are mutuals on here, so many of you know Ayla, my 10 year old husky mix. She has been missing an eye for 2 1/2 years due to glaucoma. As of Thursday, she is blind because her other eye needed to be removed for the same reason. Glaucoma is degenerative; the eye would have needed to come out no matter what, it was just a matter of when and how many vet visits and days of being a sobbing mess because my dog of 10 years was in pain and I felt it was my fault. I felt that I could have done something to fix it. I felt that I had fucked up and allowed the disease enough time to ruin her remaining eye. The total cost to get her examined by two vets and then have the surgery done came out to around 1.5k. 

I’m going to be making around 2.2k a month at my current job. Hopefully i’ll be able to claw my way up to a better paying position fast, because I already know the numbers aren’t going to work out with my car payments (new car might have been a mistake but we’re here now) and now 2k worth of credit card debt looming over my head. Maybe if I wasn’t disabled it would, barely, be able to make this work, but I am. My body requires expensive medication in order to just function properly. I’ve been trying to make sense of anything that’s been happening to me and it’s just made me bitter. I don’t have faith in any sort of higher power watching out for me now. It’s just me and my loved ones. That’s it.

I don’t know what I’m doing. If I turn tail, I have to go back to a shitty old man and lose what little progress I’ve made. Alternatively I can go live with some family in a state that’s still far removed from my girlfriend, and feel even worse because I’m setting roots somewhere that I don’t know if I want to be.

Everyone’s been offering me help, and I appreciate it, I truly do, but I don’t want to burden people with my own decisions. I’m tired. I feel completely lost if I think about things for too long.

[timehealsfanfictionbka]

Time Heals.....Chapter Forty-Five

“Waking me up early again?” Robyn said with a groan as she stretched her arms above her head. Chris leaned down and kissed her forehead, “we have some stuff to do in preparation for tonight.”

“Like?”

“Like shopping.”

“Oooh, give me five minutes,” she said as she threw her legs over the side of the bed, “can you grab my black romper out of the closet?”

“I gotchu. Don’t rush, I’m waiting breakfast to be sent up.”

“What did you order?”

“The basics, pancakes, eggs, coffee etc.”

“Ok. I’ll be just a few minutes.”

“No problem, Babe. You need help with anything?”

“Did you help me enough yesterday?’

Chris chuckled, “I didn’t hear any complaints.”

“And you still won’t. My hair survived, luckily.”

“Not after all the time I spend detangling and washing it yesterday morning.”

“But if I did all that work, you would’ve messed it up?”

“Absolutely.”

“You are so wrong for that.”

“I love you.”

“Whatever.”

Robyn left into the bathroom and started the shower. Chris grabbed her black romper out of the closet and sat her black converses next to the bed before leaving back into the living room to wait for room service.

                “What you think about this one?”

Robyn walked out of the dressing room in a thigh-high black dress with deep v cleavage and long black lace sleeves. Chris frowned, “turn around for me.”

Robyn turned around and Chris audibly gasped, “oh no.”

“What?”

“Where is the back of the dress?”

Robyn laughed, “it’s there. What are you talking about?”

“It barely covers your ass.”

Robyn twisted in front of the three mirrors, “you’re exaggerating. None of my ass is out. It’s more my back than anything else.”

“It’s your entire back. Like there’s no fabric back there.”

“You are so dramatic. I think I wanna get this one.”

“Are you serious?”

“Very serious. I’ll take this one and the royal blue one.”

“Where are you going in that?”

“Wherever I want. Why you worried about it, Christopher?”

“I’m paying for it.”

“And your point?”

Chris shook his head as he wiped his hand down his face. Robyn laughed as she left back into the dressing room, “relax Christopher.”

Chris grumbled as he handed the cashier his credit card, “I don’t know why I even come in the store with you. I should’ve just handed you my card.”

“Why?”

“You never listen to me anyway. My opinion doesn’t matter.”

“Your opinion does matter. Just because I don’t always agree with it doesn’t mean it doesn’t matter. If I didn’t want your opinion, I wouldn’t ask for it.”

“But you don’t listen to it.”

“No, I didn’t agree with it. Not the same thing as not listening.”

“Whatever.”

“Are you really that bothered by that dress?”

“I’m not bothered by it.”

“So why you acting so whiny?”

“I am not acting whiny.”

“So why you pouting?”

Chris smiled as he took his receipt and credit card from the cashier then started to walk out the store. Robyn fell in step next to him, “Babe, you didn’t answer my question.”

“Because I’m not pouting. I don’t wanna talk about it no more.”

“See. Whiny.”

“You know I’m supposed to be doing all this romantic stuff for you tonight and you being mean to me.”

“What? You can’t take it back, it’s not like it’s not already paid for.”

“You lucky it is.”

“No, you lucky it is and you better hope I show up.”

“Oh, you ain’t got no choice. If I gotta kidnap you and bring you to it, you will show up. Trust.”

“Ooh kidnapping sounds like fun.”

“You can’t even be not freaky, can you?”

“Last I checked, it’s part of the reason you’re dating me.”

Chris stopped to look at her as Robyn settled her hand on her hip, “am I right or am I right?”

“No comment.”

Robyn giggled as she grabbed Chris’s arm and entwined their hands together, “so what’s next, Babe?”

“Shoes.”

“Are we stopping anywhere for you?”

“I already got my suit. It’s being delivered from the tailor’s later on.”

“That’s not fair, you got to see all my stuff.”

“It’s just a black suit, Robyn.”

“It’s never just a black suit because all black suits don’t look alike. Who’s the designer?”

“Berluti.”

“Oh, their fabric prints are beautiful. Now I really wanna see it.”

“Later. We need to get your shoes and whatever you want.”

“Jewelry?”

“Do you want jewelry?”

“Probably a bracelet or something. Nothing fancy.”

“Ok.”

“You don’t have to buy it, I do want to look though.”

“Why wouldn’t I buy it? This whole day is about you.”

“Because that’s not something you should be concerned about. A dress and shoes is one thing. Jewelry is a different ball game.”

“According to whom? Babe, if you want jewelry, I will pay for it.”

“Chris.”

“Don’t Chris me. And this is one thing I am not going to argue with you about and not in the joking way I used to say it before. I set this up beforehand for you to enjoy yourself and be pampered, you are not paying for your own stuff.”

“Chris, it’s too much.”

“You might not even find something you like and even if you do, so what about the price? Robyn, I had been in the military for years. I had no children up until two years ago and I have a very good career. When I asked you to go on vacation with me, the timing was a bit quick but the idea had already been in progress. I saved for this and I’m going to use whatever I can to make sure it’s the trip I’ve always wanted with you, ok?”

“Ok.”

“Ok. So no more being stubborn and if I gotta suck it up and buy you another dress that I’m not too fond of, I will do that because it’s for you.”

“The dress is not that bad.”

“It’s not bad, it’s dangerous. I ain’t trying to have to fight nobody. I can’t go to jail on foreign soil.”

Robyn laughed, “you are so dramatic but I love it though.”

“You love me?”

“Yes, even when I don’t want to.”

“You always want to.”

Robyn scoffed, “let’s not ruin the mood. Sergio Rossi and Zanotti are my favorites.”

“Do you wear them a lot?”

“No, it’s not practical since I mainly go to work and home. I’ve always wanted a pair of their shoes though.”

“Well then let’s go see where we can find them.”

“You’re trying to get me attached to you, aren’t you?”

“Is it working?”

“Maybe.”

Chris smiled and kissed her temple.

                                         ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Robyn Fenty, what are you doing?”

“I’m almost ready. Just five more minutes. Are we late?”

“No but you said you were ready twenty minutes ago.”

“I know Babe. Sorry.”

“Its ok. Just- Wow.”

Chris froze as Robyn walked out of the bedroom in a pair of black stilettos with a blood red heel and the black dress.

“You still mad about the dress?”

“No. You look- Wow.”

Robyn giggled, “is that all you’re gonna say?”

“I can’t get my mind to function right enough to say anything else. Just Wow.”

Robyn spun in a slow circle, “meets your approval?”

“Absolutely. And I take back everything I said about the dress in the store.”

“You only saying that because my hair covers the back.”

“No, I’m not. Seriously, you were definitely right not to listen to me.”

Robyn smiled, “Thank you. And you look handsome.”

“Thank you. You ready?”

“Yup,” Robyn went to take his arm and stopped when she saw a duffle bag sitting by the door, “are we staying the night somewhere?”

“Yes, this is an overnight thing.”

“But I didn’t pack anything.”

“I did. And most of what’s in there is new anyway. Trust me, everything you need is in there.”

“You sure?”

“Positive.”

“Ok, now can we leave?”

Robyn giggled, “just one more thing.”

“What?”

“I really want you to know how much I appreciated this whole vacation. I was really nervous about this at first but I think it was really necessary.”

“You know we still got another day or so left right?”

“I know but I just want you to know that this is really special to me and I hope we can keep this vibe once we get home. I know it might be a bit difficult because real life is gonna set in and it’s not gonna be days of sleeping for 12 hours straight or just cuddling all night but I want us to keep this feeling and harmony going forward.”

“That will always take two of us, Robyn.”

“I know. I’ll try if you do”

“You know I will.”

“Good. Now we can go.”

“Wait, I wanna give you something first.”

“What?”

“I was gonna do it later but knowing you, you’d probably get all fussy with me for being dramatic so wait right here and I’ll be right back.”

Robyn leaned against the back of the couch as Chris grabbed their duffle bag and started to dig through it. He handed her a black box, “this is not what you think it is. I know the one word that we aren’t bringing up because we aren’t at that place to but I do want a symbol of us moving towards being more permanent. If you don’t like it or don’t want it, that’s fine but I want to at least offer it to you, ok?”

“Chris, you’re scaring me.”

“Just open it.”

Robyn glanced over at him before popping open the box, “Babe, it’s beautiful.”

“You like it?”

“I love it. Oh man, I wasn’t expecting this.”

“I was worried about overstepping again but when I saw it in the store, I just knew it was you so yea.”

“It’s incredible but I’ll have to wear it on my right hand or else people are gonna get suspicious.”

“That’s ok with me.”

“Cool. You wanna put it on or should I?”

“I’ll do it.”

Chris took the trio of diamond bands out of the box and slid each one onto her right ring finger in the proper order. The rings attached around each other, the center band having a 3 carat emerald cut diamond on it.

“Now I’m afraid to ever take it off.”

Chris chuckled, “no, don’t feel like that. I promise not to get pissy if I ever see you not wearing it. I don’t want you to feel boxed in or nothing.”

“I don’t. I really don’t but thanks for doing it now and not in some bring ceremonial way, then I might feel like you were trying to propose to me.”

“Considering where we’re going, pissing you off wouldn’t be a good idea.”

“Why do you say that?”

“You’ll see.”

   “Chris, is that what I think it is?”

“Yes, it is.”

“You rented a boat.”

“It’s not a boat, it’s a yacht, Ms. Fenty.”

“Well excuse me, Mr. Billionaire.”

“Surprisingly it didn’t cost as much to rent as I assumed it would’ve. It’s getting the staff that kicked my pockets.”

“You the one wanted to be a baller out here.”

“That is true but I figured a night cruise would be a good set up for our last days here.”

“It’s so pretty out. I didn’t expect this. I thought we were just going out to dinner.”

“Would I ever do something so basic?”

“Depending on the day, fortunately, or unfortunately, no.”

“You’re hurting my heart, Baby Girl. You just gotta keep me humble, huh?”

“Yes. Yes, I do.”

Chris held her hand and helped her to step onto the boat from the pier before closing the door behind her, “once we start moving, I’ll take you around and give you a tour before dinner.”

“Before dinner?”

“There will be no time for it after dinner.”

“And why is that?”

“You’ll find out.”

“You like playing with my emotions, huh?”

“I like playing with your freak meter, to be honest.”

“Don’t play too much. You know you scare easily.”

Chris scoffed, “I do not.”

“Says the guy who freaks out every time I bite him.”

“Because I am not food besides my skin is sensitive.”

Robyn laughed, “Boy please.”

“You wanna take your shoes off?”

“We gotta take some pictures first.”

“Then we need to move to the upper deck.”

“You planned for everything then.”

“Of course. You gonna need nice memories of that dress because there might not be any of it left after later.”

“I told you to stop playing because you get my freak meter too high, I don’t want you screaming and complaining.”

“As long as you don’t bite me, we’ll be alright.”

“Oh, I got something just as good in my arsenal.”

“Now, I’m scared for real. And where you hiding it at? I packed our bags.”

“You packed the bags that were in the hotel. There were bags that I left with our driver in the trunk remember. Did you not notice there were more bags when we got here than when we left the hotel?”

“I wasn’t paying attention.”

“That’s always a bad idea when it comes to me.”

“Wait a minute, I’m supposed to be running this show.”

“You are. For now.”

Chris’s brow furrowed and Robyn laughed, “Can I get something to drink please?”

“Coming right up.”

[saltiestsoprano]

I need to talk about something on here that I don't normally discuss. Buckle up, this is long.

After my daughter died and we moved to NYC, our finances and credit were so thrashed and ruined that we ended up homeless. Not "Oh, I'm staying with my mom" homeless, but we went to the PATH office and surrendered many of our human rights to stay in a city run homeless shelter. I can go into all the details of why we ended up homeless, but frankly, it doesn't matter... capitalism was the villain in this story and the details don't matter. We stayed in that shelter 7 months, during one of the coldest winters in NYC history without heat or hot water, without internet or any kind of distraction from the four cinder block walls in a room the size of a utility closet housing two adults and one special needs toddler. We had a curfew and if work ran over we would be given demerits that could lead to being kicked out of shelter. The city wanted to keep the money we earned to "save it for us" so that THEY could decide when we had earned too much and it was time for us to leave. Workers would open our door without warning any time of day, they would schedule appointments we HAD to attend or lose our housing in the middle of our work day - work we had to maintain or again lose our housing. We could not drink alcohol and they would search the rooms for ANY contraband. If you lost work you would be sent to a program where you would be offered work for half of what the job paid people who didn't come from shelters, and even if it was up in Connecticut you had to accept the work and if you didn't you were kicked out of housing. Volunteers would visit and stare at us like some kind of sideshow while providing some kind of charity service that we were both grateful for and resentful for being treated as a lesson for what not to so. It was one of the most dehumanizing and debilitating experiences of my life. AND WE WERE LUCKY. Our experience was mild compared with other families in the same system because we were white and educated and could advocate and navigate the system(we also had a great case worker who we're still friends with who told us how to talk to these people. Her off the record conversations probably cut our time in shelter in half), because we didn't have felonies that barred us from renting, because we were a family and not single people in first come first serve shelters. One of the worst experiences of my life, eclipsed only by burying my child, was MILD compared with what the majority of homeless people face.

After 4 months we became eligible for a program to offset the broker's fees and security deposits and helped with our rent for a set amount of time after we left the shelter. It took 3 more months to find a landlord that would even TALK to us or consider taking a city program. We got LUCKY.

April 1st 2015 we moved into our new place elated - but also traumatized from our experience in the shelters. We had money anxiety for years, that I don't think has fully gone away. We've kept this apartment for five years. We're again lucky. The same landlady that gave us a chance understands we just lost our employment and is willing to work with us on rent for as long as need be. We are not in danger of losing our housing. We're lucky.

So all my ranting about suspending rent doesn't affect me. I'm fine. I'm ranting about Cuomo's disregard for the poor for the people more vulnerable than myself because I KNOW what being homeless feels like. I know what is facing all of these working class/poor folks once housing court opens again. I know how the shelters are going to be overwhelmed and there won't be any net to catch the people who won't fit. I am advocating for those who cannot advocate for themselves because for ONCE I am in a position to do so. Don't mistake my rants as selfish panic for my own family - although that panic would be totally understandable considering my life experience - I am here trying to make everyone understand that what I went through no human should ever go through. And it's the job of our elected officials to FIX that. We don't need to reinvent the wheel in the USA, we have models for financial nets for citizens we could adopt if our "leaders" chose to do so -both of our own creation from our New Deal era and more modern ones our European allies have developed on their own.

Yes, you may reblog this.

[medea10]

My Review of One Punch Man 2

[antemasquerade]

complaint post pls do not steal

alright so this year has been shit. And I’ll tell you how!

- almost ruined my relationship with my fiance because I was dumb enough to not completely deny my manipulative, narcissistic ex (I was scared that if I completely rejected his flirting with me that he’d go away. But if you saw the messages, it looks more like I was encouraging him. Victor found it on his laptop and he lost it. I should’ve just said to stop but I was afraid he’d never talk to me again. Bad choices.)

- I truly believe and have evidence that my ex is narcissistic and I’m coming to terms with how he manipulated me into thinking everything is my fault (however I’m not just gonna like, SMACK that label on him to everyone I know)

- almost got evicted thrice

- roommate didn’t pay for anything the whole summer and he hasn’t paid Victor and I back

- I still care for him though; I understand he was going through some shit and couldn’t afford his medication at this time, so he was a bit paranoid and angry at us and it made me hella anxious

- we got denied a house because of our shit credit

- couldn’t find a job back in Denton for MONTHS

- STILL don’t have my financial aid money and it’s fucking November

- roommate thought we had our financial aid but we didn’t, so we put all our money towards rent and we didn’t have electricity for a week

- Victor and I got sick a month ago and I’m still not over it; I’ve had this cough for a while

- my mom most likely has osteoporosis and she’s taking two kinds of medications that make her sicker

- she also went to the hospital a few months ago for pancreatic pain and still doesn’t feel too good

- my little brother has extremely high blood pressure

- my dad’s brand new car got stolen

- my dog is chronically ill and the medicine is getting too expensive and we might have to put him down soon

- went through a major depressive episode for 9 months with panic attacks so bad that I literally lost my mind and almost went to the hospital for it

- kinda started cutting myself again but not as often as I used to and with duller objects so no worries friends

- during the summer my insomnia got worse and I could only sleep for four hours at a time before heading to my manual labor job for 8 hours

- I haven’t gone over $50 in my bank account for 6 months

- while roommate was in gf’s house, he was being accused of stealing another roommate’s things and he got kicked out with no real evidence. his gf is being manipulated into thinking she should get out of the relationship. it definitely wasn’t him because he wasn’t even there when it happened

- Victor got fired from a teaching job he was really excited about because “he was extremely late the past four times and he was never there(???? that doesn’t even make sense) so because he was never there, they’re not paying him for the two lessons that they asked him to do BECAUSE HE WAS SCHEDULED FOR ONLY TWO WHAT THE FUCK DO THEY MEAN THE LAST FOUR TIMES

- I’ve lost 10-15 pounds because I only ate 1 1/2 a day for two months

- in music therapy practicum, I have a client who has a huge crush on me and I’m doing a bad job of maintaining boundaries and he crosses them extremely often

- over the summer, the car broke down three times and we paid for all of rent PLUS the car getting fixed

- Victor sliced his finger and almost tore off his tendon; HOWEVER, he got it stitched up and it’s a lot better now

- my uncle and Victor’s uncle died around the same time due to complications

- there was construction on a road that we frequent, but because the construction was on the right-most lane, the camera thought we were running a red light when we turned, so now we owe $600 that we aren’t even supposed to own. and since Victor still doesn’t have a license, we can’t fight it.

BUT... at least I finished Persona 5. *finger guns*

[thedogsled]

Coda 13x05: A Nurse, Stripper Barbie & A Bottle of Jack

This place was nicer than the usual kind of dive they stayed in. Sammy pulling out all the stops, no doubt; a hotel with twin beds and regular manual doors dressed up as something flashier, as though to show just how pointless a facade was when it was all a goddamn lie. It was a joke, really, his brother trying his best to make him feel good, stretching the limits of Dean’s ability to cope with any of it.

This wasn’t how he usually dealt with grief. He needed space. He needed to be alone. Maybe right now it didn’t feel like he’d ever be better, but when did it ever?

But this was different. Dean knew it. Nothing he did seemed to work. No amount of beer or junk food or time was getting Dean any closer to a feeling that soon the grief might come to an end. It felt neverending.

(tw for mention of suicide, also vague mention of strippers and body parts thus PG-13, unrequited Destiel and a BONUS CHRISTMAS SCENE)

Read on AO3 here and read my other codas here

Maybe it was his fault. He hadn’t even named it. He’d avoiding speaking it out loud for fear of making the feelings true. Every time he mentioned Cas it came on the back of something else, but it was what went unspoken which was tearing him up the most.

And Sam should know. Of anyone Sam should know. Dean kept expecting Sam to ask him, kept expecting Sam to make him confront it, because if Sam told him he loved Cas then Dean wouldn’t have to be the one to admit it; wouldn’t have to admit out loud that maybe he was into guys as well as girls.

God, he was so ashamed. But what was the point now? Cas was gone, and with him went any hope of Dean exploring that side of himself. Would he tell Castiel that he loved him if he saw him now? Would he be too ashamed, still, even in the face of death and parting?

It didn’t matter. Cas was never coming back. And part of Dean, the part he’d always hidden away, the part of him that was really the all of him…it went away too.

Dean could never be himself, and now Cas was gone why would he ever want to be? The world was empty and pointless without him.

In the bed opposite Sam snored loudly. Dean turned his attention away from the boring ass ceiling to look at his brother. Sam was trying so hard, damn him. He always tried so hard, and Dean knew he was only bringing him down. Maybe if Dean wasn’t in the picture Sam would have saved Mom already. That was what he and that shapeshifter Mia thought, wasn’t it? Dean was poison. He’d always been poison…

Poison that wasn’t getting a damn lick of sleep.

Dean sighed, sitting up, leaning across to dig in his bag. No extra bottle of Jack Daniels. Nothing in his flask – he’d already emptied it. Short of stabbing himself with the shot in his hunting bag, he had nothing on him that could possibly put him to sleep, quieten the thoughts in his head, or the last image he’d had of Castiel’s blue eyes before his grace burned the life out of them.

Sometimes when people experienced trauma they couldn’t put it out of their minds. Dean was like that, and he’d seen a lot of traumatic things. God only knew how many times he’d drawn Mary on fire as a child. John had been so traumatized by them in turn that making sure Dean didn’t have access to crayons was one of the few priorities he had in life.

He’d never really bothered learning to draw after that.

Sam snored and rolled over, exposing a slither of his spine as his t-shirt rolled up. Dean frowned at it. What was it Sam had suggested earlier? A strip club? Not perfect, but at least they sold alcohol. Better than lying here staring into oblivion stone cold sober.

He rolled out of bed, still fully dressed, and crept out.

-----

This was the worst Christmas ever.

Sam scowled, staring at the back of his brother’s shoes as they made their way into the strip joint. He kicked at the step as they went in, but almost ended up tripping over his own feet instead. It was anything but smooth.

“What’s wrong, Sam? How old are you, exactly? C’mon. Live a little.”

Sam glowered. To think he’d let Dean drag him away from face time with Eileen for this. He was – he thought – doing pretty decently at getting to know her, a real woman, but Dean wasn’t thinking about any of that. He cared, Sam knew, even ribbed him about it sometimes, but… Well, Dean was Dean. This was how he liked to have fun.

Not just the naked chicks part, oh no, but certainly the part where he got to watch Sam squirm as well. Sam expected it. Christmas or not, he knew his brother, and he could already tell that this was going to be some fresh kind of hell.

He wasn’t disappointed.

Her name was Yasmine--until it wasn’t. At about the one minute mark she admitted that in fact her name was Annabella-Louise. When Sam asked her why she’d chosen stripping, Dean admonished him, but Annabella-Louise smiled and said that she got that question all the time, before telling the sad story of how she’d dropped out of nursing school because it was too expensive to rent near the university.

Sam, bleeding heart that he was, spent the rest of the dance giving her ideas about where she could find a roommate, and not to give up on her dream when she was only a few credits away.

Well, it wasn’t like she was the only one who’d given up on her academic dream, was it?

Sam was barely even flustered by the time the dance was over, and Dean rolled his eyes.

“You really ruined that for me, man, you know that?”

“Ruined it for you?”

“Yeah. What a waste of thirty bucks. You suck, Sammy.”

-----

It was already late when Dean got to the club. Fortunately he made it just in time for happy hour, and arranged half a dozen half price drinks in front of him like a chorus line.

Half an hour later, the chorus line was a duet, and Dean was finally starting to feel numb enough to deal. He folded his arms on the bar and dropped his chin on top of them, staring at his empties, barely noticing as a woman swayed up to the bar to join him.

“Just a water, sugah.”

A hand fell on his shoulder, slight and feminine.

“You okay, darlin’? Hey…”

Dean lifted his head slowly, blinking up into the glittery blue eyeshadow of the woman who’d joined him. She was one of the dancers, no doubt, dressed in star spangled pink, white and red like Stripper Barbie. Her blonde hair was chalked with pink as well, and thrown back in tousled curls away from her face.

She was gorgeous. Dean just wished he was even vaguely interested. Right now the hurt in his chest, though dulled, was almost all he could comprehend.

“You hurtin’?”

“How can you tell?”

“Oh sugar, I can tell. You don’t do this job for long before you figure out how to tell if a guy’s hurtin’.”

Dean rubbed his mouth on his arm. “Sounds like psychic mojo to me.”

“Last thing anyone wants to be around here is psychic. But hey—“ she stroked his shoulder firmly. “Point is I can help with that.”

“You think.”

Stripper Barbie sighed. “Your hurt goes pretty deep, don’t it?”

“You don’t even know the half of it,” Dean answered, dryly.

“Doesn’t matter. I can take the edge off. C’mon. I’m on next. You can sit up front.”

Dean sighed, waving his hand, but the woman caught it, smiling, and tugged him to his feet. Dean cooperated miserably, following as she led him across the room.

When he dropped into the seat beside the stage, his two remaining beers miraculously reappeared in front of him.

“It’s Toni, by the way.”

“Tony’s a boy’s name.”

“Yeah, but it’s better than ‘Stripper Barbie’.”

Jesus, had he said that out loud? He didn’t remember speaking.

Toni-not-a-boy’s-name reappeared on stage to “American Woman” and the other patrons screeched and yelled as she strutted her stuff. Dean sat quiet, sedate, watching, and smiled when her attention unerringly came back in his direction.

She was gorgeous, but his heart was still broken. There was no getting away how empty he felt inside, and at this point Dean knew better that sex wasn't the answer. Sex wasn't going to fill this hole--maybe ever again.

Even death had to be better than this emptiness. If it came, he wouldn’t fight, but damn it, he wasn’t suicidal. He wasn’t. That implied he wanted to end himself, and Dean still strongly believed that wasn’t an option.

In the line of duty, though?

In the line of duty. That was the noble sacrifice. The only thing he knew.

Toni crouched down in front of him, wrapping her bra around his neck like a collar. She was right in his face for a moment, her breasts inches from his nose, but Dean watched only her blue eyes and felt sadder still, emptier still.

This had been a mistake. He’d always known it was a mistake, but now it just felt even more like one. It was too late to get away from it now, though. A group of four men at the nearest table who’d been hooting at Toni gravitated toward him when the dance ended. They had their work ties bound around their heads like they were all badly cosplaying the Karate Kid, but Dean discovered swiftly enough that they were guys who had ditched their high school reunion because it was too boring. After claiming to recognize him from their school days, they threw their arms around his shoulders and celebrated him as their hero.

Dean snapped his guard up, felt the façade of boisterous masculinity slot into place in order to survive in the wild. At some point he managed to pretend that he was having fun, even as Toni – in her new dominatrix outfit – writhed all over him in a dance paid for him by his new ‘friends’.

God knew when he drove home he was far from in his right mind, and the underground parking at the hotel almost put Dean and Baby out of their misery once and for all.

Thank God for valet parking. Thank God for Sam sleeping like the dead once in a while. Thank God for the bottle of Jack that Sam had hidden in his bag, presumably intending it as some kind of well-meaning gift to indulge his alcoholic brother.

And all along Dean knew - he knew - that he couldn't carry on like this. Their Dad had, and look what it had done to them--look what it had done to him. Just like it had taken dying for John to tell him that he was proud, Dean couldn't speak about his feelings either.

Not while it still mattered.

Not to the person who needed to hear it.

What a fucking joke.