#of being judgemental assholes
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im fully using this blog like a twitter account sorry but oh my god the fucking
paradox of having had to isolate myself to better myself because social battery died etc. but also now realizing i have no one to currently update things to
#im fine im seeing my friends in a week at the latest#i just kinda shrugged off contact with a lot of people#part of it being also that i have this deep belief that they're tired of my bullshit and probably want me to let go#'but just communicate that' literally how without sounding unhinged and like i'm accusing them#of being judgemental assholes#like they're not judgemental for moving on they're just ppl who are better adjusted than i am and who moved on and#would find me draining for not doing so#can you tell the anxiety is high today#bitch can't i hyperventilate and act like i'm gonna die instead of being frozen for days on end and then trying to commit suicide at the en
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maybe i'm a bitch but if i hear you go out of your way to judge someone's weight, i immediately lose trust in you & will probably forever find you a little unbearable . yes also the little floating bar over my head will start reading [hostile]. this is natural and u caused it.
#IF you do the therapy to stop being an asshole and make a POINT of being like#''i used to be a jerk about this but now i'm not''#..... we can reevaluate ....#btw i hope this doesn't need explanation and everyone can be normal on this post#and not be like#what if i am a DOCTOR and i was aSKED#like we all know what i'm referring to here#you're like in target and lizzo is playing in the background and they're like#DID YOU NOTICE THAT LIZZO IS FAT?#or ur on instagram and like some dude's comment is like#NICE ART BUT WHY ARENT YOU THIN#like .... okay we get it. we get it . go to sleep . go to therapy. bye.#ALSO BTW i am in recovery for an ED and im saying this AS someone with Brain Problems#pls do not clown on this and be like ''actually i'm allowed to be rude and judgemental''#no u aren't. none of us are. having an ED is not a pass for being a fucking dick#it can make you ACT like a dick. that isn't something you should be proud of or seek to continue#hence.... therapy!!!!!!!!#i know it's kind of controversial to say it but frankly i don't believe in infantilizing mental illness#by being like ''oh they can't help themselves''#bc that kind of thinking is .... unbelievably toxic lmafo#you might not be able to control your split-second thoughts/judgements#i have ocd i understand#but like. . . .. you know#we both know#this post is not about ''u blurted something u regret''#this post is about. THAT GUY
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if you as a fic reader ever become possessed by the urge to do a popularity bracket with the fics other people wrote and shared for fun and for free, consider:
don't ❤️
#just!!!! make a rec list!!!!!!!!!#popularity contests do nothing but drive writers out of fandoms by pitting people against their friends#and invariably result in people being assholes in the comments as if the people who wrote the fic can't see it#like ''oh clearly fic x is better than fic y''#or ''why is fic c even in this poll?''#nobody gains anything by you doing a bracket to see which fic is the ''most popular''#a stat which could be found more easily & less cruelly by simply hitting the sort by bookmarks/kudos button on ao3#anyway ugh. i saw that one of my fics was being pitted against one of my friend's fics in this bracket that's going around#and i have no idea who is ''winning'' because i refuse to look. but either way it's gonna feel bad!!!#because i want my friend to get his flowers so i want him to win!!! but i also would like to know that people like my fic!!!!#so it's just a lose/lose situation even though i generally don't give a shit about numbers#but this turns it into a schoolyard popularity thing#and the emotional response to having people *vote* on if your work is *better or worse* than other fic is hard to ignore#cannot reiterate enough JUST MAKE A REC LIST#or if you absolutely must do a bracket like this do it in a private chat server or something#don't create a public forum for people to pass value judgements where the authors can see it#and feel bad if they get told their fic is ''worse'' than someone elses#but also feel bad if they get told theirs is ''better'' because it came at the cost of telling another author they weren't good enough#ANYWAY i still feel sick with a super sore throat and a headache & am probably extra cranky because of it#(still testing negative thankfully so it's probably just weather/allergen related)#gonna go make some tea and prep the fic updates i want to post today#cass says things#fandom problems#wank adjacent
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not to be an ass but if you're giving so much to fundraisers spread around on tumblr dot com that you're out of money that is a you problem. most are asking for single digit donations or a share for other people to decide of they want to do the same. if they are a scam, make sure you lose money you can stand to lose, and if not, 100 people who can afford to donate $5 each will add up real quick for someone who needs it and will absolutely not be a waste to anybody anywhere. if you have time and energy to research multiple fundraisers yourself, awesome, and if you don't, $1 or $5 or $10 is not going to kill you, unless it is, in which case, you can simply not donate! nobody has a gun to your head. ultimately it is your decision and your judgement call if that's something you can afford to spend, scam or otherwise, vetted yourself or otherwise, as a grown ass adult with functioning free will. it is not that complicated, next question.
#j.txt#free palestine#most of us are grown adults can we please act like it#if that means doing basic research yourself awesome!#if that means donating to something that could very well be a scam because you don't want to cool!#you are a fucking adult!#people acting like 13yos are on here being scammed out of their college savings#i can promise you most people who have been scammed were probably adults and made a Choice#scammers should be busted and there are people busting them but like#stop borderline infantalizing people who are being scammed like they're not adults making decisions online and wherever else they go#as soon as they step away from their computer. you are not their mother they can and will do what they like#if that means taking a risk donating to something they care about like. it's their money and their judgement and their decision#if they spend so much that they are in financial trouble. um. nobody asked them to do that! to a legit fundraiser or a sketchy one like#they decided to take that risk for whatever reason?#am i being an asshole. am i crazy. it is not that complicated 😭#personally if someone scams me out of $20 bucks i will survive because i made sure of that when i decided to donate $20 bucks to a stranger#i think some people just need to learn what a budget is
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If you don’t want to be educated about sensory processing disorders, then don’t approach strangers about why they are wearing sunglasses in the grocery store 😐
#this woman actually had the audacity#to tell me to stop talking and that she was#‘just trying to be helpful’ like shut the fuck up#I do not give a flying fuck if you assume I’m hungover at 1pm#all you are telling me is that you are a judgemental asshole#like ffs#mind your business#play stupid games win stupid prizes#autistic adult#actually autistic#autism#asd#sensory sensitivity#sensory processing disorder#sensory#spd#actually spd#neurodiversity#neurodivergent#actually neurodiverse#autistic things#neurodiverse stuff#autistic adults#being autistic#being autistic in public
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I absolutely have 0 desire to bring a child into this world for many reasons, including ones from many different axis, so I don't see it changing, but the anti natalist folks are fucking evil man lol. I haven't seen the worst of the world, so my optimism can be and probably is just naivety, but hating the idea of having kids and judging(!) other people for getting them because the world is irredeemably evil is such a "I have depression and this philosophical thing is relatable so it must be how the world works" take. Just looked up the tag on here and someone said that in this world, misery is guaranteed, and happiness is not, and like. Point me to a human that has never, not once in their life, has experienced joy.
#//rambles#I kind of get the idea though#It's just that once I've read this idea that unhappiness in life serves the purpose of making the happiness in it truly worth it#And it's kind of changed me#THAT and if you were a depressed teen and aren't now you feel fuckinh. Undefeated. I'mma go smell flowers and love life bitch#Maybe this made it worth it even if I'm gonna recover for the rest of my life probably#Can't imagine being one of those people who peaked in high school and are now depressed because of that that's for sure#If you can't imagine feeling happy in the world there's treatment for that nowadays! Even treatment resistant depression is researched rn#Also as implied in the post don't judge and don't be judged is a big philosophy of mine#And could you guys guess who's the main proponent of the stuff on tumblr? Radfems#As a russian I've been orbiting that stuff all my internet presence and the chronical judgement of these people is fucking killing me man#It's so easy to be a doomscrolling echo chamber dwelling judgemental asshole in these sort of internet spaces#Not giving a fuck about society's bigotry and saying hard truths despite that is GOALS and very cool but it's so not that for these people#Same for the reddit black or red pill types idk much about them though#Idk existential philosophers go take in the beauty of the world challenge#Just some thoughts
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you guys gotta learn to be a lot cooler about religions that aren't your own
and yes. that does include christianity.
#eli talks#And I Mean It.#the priority obviously is to get cooler about islam and judaism and all. like the religions that get oppressed?#but that firsthand and secondhand religious trauma is making a lot of people very not cool anymore#it makes a lot of people kind of. assholes. even.#white ppl who grew up baptist or catholic or mormon or whatever else that are now athiests will like#talk about how evil religion is. how toxic. how controlling. only really meaning christianity.#bc that's the only religion that really exists to them. as ex-christians.#they ignore the way various black and indigenous ppl have fused their traditions and customs with christianity to survive#they ignore the positive teachings of christianity like charity and reserving judgement and kindness and patience#they ignore the positive elements of religious organization like community-building. fund-raising. finding meaning.#and it's ok to have religious trauma. sucks that it happened. but there's nothing wrong with you being traumatized.#can you for the love of god stop making that everyone else's problem though?#like . can you be normal about how other people choose to interact with the world?#can you be normal about the culture other people practice? the foods they eat? clothes they wear? rituals they perform?#can you like. not try to trick a jewish person into eating pork? can you not ban hijab?#can you just clench your teeth and not say anything mean to someone praying before a meal?#can you keep your comments to yourself when someone says they are going to pray for your hardships to lessen?#when an indigenous person mentions a ceremony they did or a practice they do. can you not call it mumbo jumbo? maybe?#can you abstain from calling a catholic creepy for the ash on their forehead?#idk. i feel a certain way about this.
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i mean i should probably stop saying shit just to be mean
#on the other hand....#the social environment cultivated on here almost demands it lest i let people walk all over me#definitely one of those skills i picked up in childhood to survive social situations back then#not a great skill. not even one i particularly like using. in fact i hate this part of me that feels the need to be judgemental#the logical part of me- the more ~~evolved~~ part of my spirit you could say knows its stupid and has hated doing it since forever#i completely stopped for a while. and then my abusive ex did all the shit they did so i felt like i had to dig that judgemental asshole sid#back up to defend myself bc ik thats the level they operate on. but it also started being the level a lot of ppl on here operated on soon#after (and im not entirely unconvinced they weren't an influence as to why people became more of an asshole on here)#(them or twitter. probably a mix of both but mostly twitter users coming here lol. also had to be an ass on twitter to survive)#so now i feel like i have to cling on to this side of myself i was more than happy to let rot in the dirt bc if i dont then people are gonn#use my vulnerability and niceness and lack of desire to use ad hom n shit against me so they can bully and abuse me and say whatever#and i have to keep this image up of being unphased and happy all the time and then i snap and then its a whole problem to people#so basically be nothing ever bc ppl on here will think thats you forever moral of story i guess im not sure.#best advice i can give: dont exist online publicly in any significant way. if you wanna be a pfpless. bioless account that is your god give#fuckin right okay. never are you obligated to be part of this shit and im personally telling you its hell and if i knew then what i knew#now i would have never started coming on to tumblr in the first place. its cool i learned about all this queer stuff or whatever but it#sucks otherwise#tumblr. twitter. insta. any social media where the point is to make posts and write posts more than anything else#dont bother. so much is lost in text-style communication. bridging gaps is nearly impossible. you will always be misunderstood#i think thats the case for most vocal communication but ESPECIALLY digitally
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how does a undiagnosed DID sys do when a singlet decides to ask the age old question immediately upon you mentioning your plurality: are you diagnosed
Honestly? Imo just tell them that's between you and your doctor / psych - and that it's inappropriate to ask someone about their personal medical information.
They may get defensive, but on average people will shut up quickly when they realize they've committed a social faux pas. And it may actually influence them not to do it in the future. Cause once they think about it, they realize oh yeah that is kinda rude, isn't it?
#i mean this wont always work well because some people are just nosy judgemental assholes#but we've found making people realize its rude to be pretty effective#disclaimer though we ARE diagnosed#we just dont like being coerced into sharing that info
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Ways that I am thinking about my job search to make it less depressing:
Spinning the wheel to see if I get a prize Making offerings to the Job Search Gods in hopes of winning their favor Casting spells to attract wealth Writing to a potential patron in hopes of receiving support
#mostly i'm trying to get away#from the idea that rejection#has anything to do with my worth#as a human being#or as a worker#because it's rough out there#all of these put me at the whims of fate#or at least some rich asshole#and everyone knows rich assholes#are very fickle#and have terrible judgement#just look at elon musk
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at this point i lost complete notion of what they are doing as individuals and as couples/pairings/whatever. and yet i keep going with the flow
#playboyy the series#i am so lost. completely#i won't even use the term normal as the norm...because what is normal? but i am severely concerned over these boys judgement and damaged 🧠#the ones together i did not notice when they fell in love. i get the 'i have feelings' but not entirely the 'i love them'..sill very shaky#the ones fake liking... i have no idea why they look like they want vengeance...for what? them being assholes? you are (almost) all asshole#or i am just not getting the real plot because i am so lost. maybe my brain is no good#way am i here? what am i watching? *inserts meme of confused travolta*
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Friendly reminder its never okay to belittle someone's interests :) even if those interests are "unusual" or "unseemly" :)
#*aggressively making this post bc how *dare* my siblings be judgemental asshole about my reading books on religion*#i just think its fascinating and theres nothing wrong with that#the way everything intersects across various religions is *so* cool#like >:(#maybe being an asshole brings joy to *your* life but yknow what brings joy to mine??#learning things !!!!#>:(
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writing variations of "i hate babies" under baby videos doesn't make you cool, it makes you one of the most pathetic types of people i can think of
#not wanting children doesn't mean you have to behave this way#also hate babies? you HATE babies? they're babies. they're innocent. they've done nothing to deserve hate#hate is for bad things. like ''i hate judgemental assholes who smugly declare that innocent little human beings are demons''
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i feel im too kind and sensitive for most people
#why are people so cruel in their own heads? isnt it more fun to accept everyone? be happy ? forgive?#heavy on the forgive? bc like#ur friend is less social ... goes apart... they're acting weird... theyre being distant... GIRL I WANT TO SHAKE YOU. THEYRER SAD.#forgive. forgive the distance.#what if something bad happened like.. death? stress? everyone grieves and heals differently#(or maybe its the overt and hidden transphobia and queerphobia#and the gossip obsession)#how do i tell this to someone so that they dont get mad? like in reality and in all brutal honesty youre being a fucking asshole? like?#everyone is gonna take anything like so badly no matter how softly and emphatically i set it up...#i wanna defend people but im too much of a coward. fuck#i may be sensitive but the world is so susceptible#how can you have such averse reactions to your own fucking judgement where u decided everything that u didnt get or try to get was bad#world so beautifully neutral and you assess so much goodness and badness to everything#unfortenatly u all find me funny and i am scared of being alone so i will satnd unmoving#maybe one day ill say waht i think and lose you all and be sad and alone again but at least i think im pretty kind and tolerant#sigh#me soup
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The fucking disconnect is so real.
#theo's thoughts#Story time for the people who love reading tags bc I love sharing things in the tags#So I work at a therapeutic day school and this past school year like four school days before Thanksgiving break I was asked a question#The question was if I would be willing to step up and be a long term sub in a middle school classroom#To me this was less of a question and more of a hey we need someone to do this and you're who the assistant teacher asked for#Which cool yeah fine I'll give it a go I really like that person (the assistant teacher who asked for me) and I trust her judgement on this#I was asked and accepted on Thursday. Friday‚ Monday‚ and Tuesday happen. Then three day Thanksgiving break#When we got back from break I was the teacher and it was rough at first and it sure as hell was never easy but I enjoyed it#My formal teacher observation was my boss basically going like so I see you doing all the things and the basis is there#But it's not being followed through on because of behaviors from the most unmedicated classroom I've seen in all my years working education#And now for the summer they're changing 2/3 staff that were in the room and who even knows who the teacher will be (a new hire? Maybe?)#If there truly is a new hire coming in (fed to the wolves immediately btw what a dick move) but that new hire will be the fourth teacher#These kids have had in a year? A year and a half max. The fourth. After the only thing I've been repeatedly told by admin for months#Is that we need to be stable and consistent because we may be these kids' only reliable source of that consistency and stability?#So you're going to have me come in and tell me I've done such a great job and then tell me you're moving me to 'give me a break'#Trauma informed care my fucking ass. I hope those kids raise fucking hell over it.#The brutal satisfaction of watching your own crops burn and knowing that the invaders will starve is great and all but these are kids!#They're barely just about to be teenagers (11 at the youngest and 14 at the oldest) and this is what you're going to do to them?#Yes they can be complete assholes and are often dicks to one another but they're in our school for a fucking reason? I don't get it.#Then two hours later after being told abt the change‚ the clinical director puts me as one of the three main recipients in an email#Saying that there's going to be a new student starting in that room in the summer and the real icing on the cake?#This all happens on last day before summer break. we're out of session for two weeks now and you're just dropping these changes on us now?#God I'm so fucking tired
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Why the fuck do people expect me to be a literal fucking angel just because I like wearing colorful outfits and hair accessories and am autistic 😭😭😭😭
#this is so annoying because when I act like an asshole everyone is 100x more surprised than when someone else acts like an asshole#like im so 'pure and cute' and not capable of having actual human thoughts and emotions#i know that am way more naive and gullible than most ppl my age even though ive been through a lot of trauma caused by actual terrible ppl#but i just dont know how to change that aspect of myself...#i kind of wish i was evil lol#and then i also have high moral expectations for myself (?)#like if I partake in gossip or being extra judgemental of people that i dont even really know#i will feel like the worst person alive#then I see what shitty things other ppl do daily and consider 'ok' and im like 'wtf???'#also most ppl don't have the confirmation that im autustic since i didnt tell them but im pretty sure they catch something different in me#there's also some good things about this like this older woman from my friend group in uni puts me under her wing and acts kind of motherly#towards me and I kind of like it ngl#personal
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