#odasaku as dazai's father figure | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

ashleyh713fanfics · 8 months ago

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Dazai X Odasaku!Sister Ch11 And Ch12

Double Post:

Chapter 11: "Quit Trying To Be Odasaku"

Chapter 12: "The Scariest Thing Is To Be Perceived"

(I missed an update here so now you get two chapters! They are both long though so hopefully it's some good food for you all. I'm really proud of them.)

Summary: Dazai's greatest fear is for someone to see through his defenses and Oda's sister does just that. What he revels as a marvel towards others becomes his own worst nightmare when turned on himself.

Warning: pm! fifteen year old dazai, dazai self destructing, odasaku death mentions, fluff to angst and then back to fluff, manipulative behavior from both sides, dazai is a simp in the second half, talks of suicide. I gave Oda's sister a name but you can imagine it as y/n.

(This is chapter eleven and twelve of my fanfic "Timeless" which is now on A03. It carries on from the three part intro I posted a couple days ago. I'll link it below to fully understand the story. Asagao's ability is to stop time for up to six seconds.)

Three Part Intro Here: (just cause the first chapter is so long)

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

A03 Version Here:

Word count: 16k total (Told you it was long. Enjoy the ride hehe)

One Year Ago

Silently opening up the looming door in front of her face, fourteen year old Asagao slipped inside the darkened space before closing the surface and leaning her back against the wood with distant eyes.

And though she tried not to, a small shaky sigh couldn’t help but escape her lips in order to think back to the confrontation just moments ago. She blew it again, of course she did. That’s always what happened, why was she expecting anything different?

It started innocently enough, the girl noticing when one of the girls in her class was strangely silent the entire day.

So naturally, when class was over she pulled her aside and asked her what was wrong. Asa just wanted to help, honest. She wanted to wipe that sad look from her classmates face, that was her intention. That was always the intention.

She never wanted to hurt her.

Yet the moment the girl shut down, Asa pushed, she pushed herself to figure out just what was hurting her by commenting on her appearance and cadence of speech.

They were dirty and unkept, like they hadn’t been washed in weeks and soon enough Asagao had concluded that her father had stolen all of their families money and ran away leaving them broke and hungry.

So naturally, she told the girl her findings.

Asa’s assumptions were correct of course, but the girl didn’t know the hurt that she had unknowingly caused, her isolated and unique upbringing in the hellhound program leaving gaps in her learning of social cues and understanding of sensitive topics.

No, Oda’s sister only saw logic, analyzing the situation like she had always been trained to do, what she had been damaged to do without a second thought. It was a character flaw, one that Asa didn’t even realize was there.

But that came at a cost, it always did.

Because a moment later, she watched as the girl’s face flushed with a type of embarrassment in order to shove Asa as hard as she possibly could in order for the red haired girl to spot tears in her classmates eyes.

But Asa didn’t understand the response. Why were there tears? Asagao was right in every possible manner. She had guessed her problem. Isn’t that what she wanted, for someone to figure her out so that she wouldn’t be so lonely? So that Asa could help her?

These were all thoughts that crossed her mind before she felt her body collide with her ground as her glasses slipped from her eyes at the same time, the sound clattering with haunting familiarity only for the girl to shriek and jump back with fear at the sight of her scary and hollow expression.

Then very familiar words appeared in the air, the girl calling her the usual insults Asa was used to before getting her other friends to do the same. It was like she was some sort of freak show, some sort of sideshow attraction and oddity that didn’t belong.

Freak. Scary. Annoying. Defect. Disgusting. Monster.

And Asagao supposed they were right.

She didn’t belong, not with them. She knew that. She had lost her chance the moment her captives molded her into their own sick design. Normal, there was no hope for that now.

One look at that was plain to see to everyone around, even her.

So much so, the girl didn’t object, simply crawling back on her knees before leaving the whispers and murmurs behind in order to retreat back to her dorm room silently.

And that’s what brought her here, Asagao slowly making her way over to her bed before leaning down in order to take out a small white shoe box and place it on her mattress with extreme care.

Undoing the lid ever so slowly, Oda’s sister then slipped her hand inside before carefully taking out the top note in order to read its contents just like she had done a million times before.

It was a ritual, something she did, something she had to read every once in a while or else she knew she’d unravel completely.

----

Today, I met a boy. He showed up right outside my apartment covered in blood so I brought him in. And there is something about him, something familiar..

I think his world spins as fast as yours.

----

Pushing down another shaky breath of uncertainty, Asagao then curled onto the mattress before pushing her body even further into a ball of herself and clutching the note to her heart for dear life.

Dazai Osamu.

She didn’t know him, he didn’t know her and yet her brother's words brought a sense of hope, one that she clung to over and over again. Just reading the mere sentences caused her nerves to soften and her body to relax with a sense of calm she was sure that boy didn’t even know he was capable of.

The power this mystery boy had, it wrapped her in a chokehold each and every time. Yes, those kids didn’t understand, they didn’t accept her but she knew that somewhere out there, this boy could. Maybe he could understand it all, maybe he even had the same thoughts as well.

A shared mind, a shared experience. Connected by thoughts, how nice that sounded.

Did he also wish to be normal? Did he also say the wrong things sometimes? Did he also feel alone and isolated? Did he get as sad as her? Did he also get misunderstood and beaten down like she had been today?

Asagao didn’t know for certain but just the idea of their shared experience was enough to make her close her eyes, clutching onto the letter between her fingers for dear life like a vice and pray that it might be true.

And although she knew she was glorifying a stranger, it didn’t stop her from attaching herself to him even so. Because if her big brother had chosen to keep that kid around, then that also meant that there was a chance that Oda didn’t absolutely despise someone like her either.

A million miles away and yet the knowledge of Osamu’s existence was enough to comfort her in a way he would never know. Her lifeline, her connection, her validation through a string of words and thoughts..

And suddenly just the mere existence of Dazai Osamu was enough to make everything seem almost okay again.

-----

Present

Groaning through her heavy lidded eyes, Asagao yawned in order for a sharp headache to flash across her temple without permission. It felt like she had been hit with a hundred bricks and an oncoming truck at the same time. But that was the price for drinking so heavily she supposed. The mornings were never easy.

She then attempted to lift her hand to the source only for Asa to realize that couldn't move her arms or her legs in the slightest before her face dropped with realization. Oh, that's right. Osamu rolled her up into human sushi last night and left her there.

Now how was she gonna get out of this one?

Wiggling around like a worm on the mattress, Asa then tried to undo her bonds with no avail only for her to groan in defeat. Well that wasn’t going to work. Maybe she just needed to put some more power behind it? Yeah, that could work

She then tried again, Asa purposely flopping her body, this time looking like a fish out of water in order to edge closer to the bed as she gasped in success. “Ha ha! Yes, I’m so smart! Take that Osamu.”

Grinning wildly, her victory was short lived as she felt her constricted body start to slide further and further off the bed with no traction to keep her in place. “W-Wait, no no no n-..”

Asagao then watched helplessly as her entire body rolled off the highrise bed, slamming her body rather ungracefully into the hardwood floor face first with a heavy suppressed painful groan.

Damn it, spoke too soon.

The hit didn’t help her headache, the dull stabbing sensation mixing with her smushed face before she finally felt her arms move under the blankets. Seemed like the fall had loosened the restrictive cage after all.

Trying her wiggling technique again, Asa then pulled her body from the blanket in order to hop up with her hands straight up in the air in victory. Well, not what she originally planned but the result was the same! Just forget that first part.

Her quick movements caused her temple to scream in reply though, Asa hissing in order to push her fingers to the call. Alright, first things first, gotta fix this annoying headache.

Moving over to the connected bathroom, the girl then flipped open the cabinet before picking out a white bottle of pain pills in order to shake the jar with a smile. She knew she could count on a suicide enthusiast to have pain medicine. As expected.

She then took a labeled dosage before stepping out of the bedroom only to find the entire apartment empty, just like last night. Huh, Osamu must’ve had important executive business to attend to this morning.

Ah well, maybe it was better he didn’t see her embarrassing falling on her face display .

Not knowing what to do with her time, Asagao then moved over to the kitchen in order to start opening the cabinets in silent thought. Since Osu was out she should surprise him with breakfast. It was the least she could do since he allowed her to stay the night so graciously.

Yet a moment later, Asa felt her face drop at the sight before her.

Every single cabinet and drawer was completely empty, even the fridge. But didn’t Osu eat? He had to, right? Everyone needed to eat to survive. It was just a fact.

Although that’s when Asa recalled a couple of Oda’s letters. Her brother said that sometimes he had to force the boy to sit down to eat. But was Osamu still like that? Did he still have an unhealthy relationship with food? He seemed fine eating her curry three weeks ago.

No, this wouldn’t do. She couldn’t let him starve. Oda wouldn’t have wanted that and since he isn’t here anymore then it was up to Asa to fill that spot. Otherwise, she wasn’t sure if Osu would ever really eat again. And that worried her to no end.

But what was she going to make with no food?

Humming to herself in silent thought, Asagao then wrote down a list of ingredients on a small sticky note before opening the door to his apartment only to be met with the same black suited subordinates that “helped” her last night.

She didn’t expect that. “Oh! Hello boys. You assigned to watch me again?”

They simply nodded in return only for Asa to hold up the small note in her fingers. “Sooo, I’m guessing leaving to go to the store isn’t something you’re gonna allow, huh?”

Once again, the subordinates only shook their heads, the burly man crossing his arms in silent challenge. “It wouldn’t be advised no.”

Pouting her lips in annoyance for their shut down, Asagao then closed her eyes before using her little tricks to her advantage. Manipulating these guys twice made her feel kinda scummy but this was the only way she was going to get what she wanted.

And she was going to get it, one way or another.

Batting her eyes in fake innocence, Asa hummed. “What a shame, whatever will I do? Our executive clearly stated that he wanted pancakes this morning when he got back. If I tell him that you guys stopped me from completing his wish, I bet he’ll be really angry and want to take it out on someone. I pray what kind of poor soul will face his wrath.”

They seemed to register what she was implying right away. Yes, it was a lie that Osamu asked for breakfast but these guys didn’t need to know that. They just needed to believe that they would be punished for not following through. Sorry, Osu. I’m using your name again. But it’s for a good cause so please forgive me.

And for a moment, they seemed skeptical about the odd request from one of the most feared men in Yokohama. That didn’t sound like Dazai. “The boss said he wanted pancakes?”

Asa didn’t falter though, her shoulders shrugging carelessly. “Mhmm. He said he had a craving. You can fact check me if you want and ask him yourself but I don’t think you’ll have that much time to do so. What if Dazai comes back before then? Then we’ll all be in trouble.”

She used his last name so smoothly and yet it still felt wrong to say it. Asa hated referring to Osu as Dazai, especially because it broke the foolish illusion in her mind that the two were closer than they appeared. Calling him Osamu made her feel happier, like they weren’t actually strangers.

But in this instance she had to say it to prove a point, to use the title in a sense of looming dread for these sorry scared subordinates. The fact was, Dazai’s last name held power, especially in the port mafia. It was a name that enemies crumbled to and hid for time and time again. And she knew that, so she used it to her advantage.

Besides, she also knew they were too dumb and frazzled to actually go and ask Osu the truth. That was another level of risk and it took longer than just agreeing to her silly idea. Therefore, the odds were stacked heavily on her side.

Now for them to just take the bait.

Counting the seconds in her mind, Asagao then slowly turned around from the men in order to pretend to go back inside the apartment only for her lips to curve upwards at their worried voices. “What kind?”

Not missing a beat, she then quickly turned around before lifting up the small note between her fingers with a fake exaggerated gasp, almost like she had pulled a rabbit from a hat. “Oh, would you look at that? It’s your lucky day, I already made a list! And since I can’t leave this place that means you boys are gonna have the honor of doing the shopping for me! Don’t worry though, it will be a team effort in the end. You get the supplies and I’ll make the pancakes. That way Dazai will be satisfied and we both win. Sound good?”

A team effort sure, but they clearly got the short end of the stick by having to be her lackeys. That was the reality but Asa sugar coated it so well that the men didn’t even notice it, their eyes frantic to please their executive as fast as possible.

Lifting their hands out for the note, Asa passed it happily, making them believe that they had come to the decision themselves even though she had carefully orchestrated the whole thing.

Suckers.

---------

The night was a blur as Dazai found himself walking the streets of Yokohama until the sun lazily appeared from behind the nearby buildings. Sleep wasn’t something that graced the boy normally, and it had gotten worse since Odasaku’s death.

Simply because every time he closed his eyes, he found himself back reliving that horrible nightmare over and over again. It was like his mind was tormenting him, not letting him forget about the reality of loss for even a second.

But insomnia brought its own torture as well, not allowing him to rest his ever moving and muttered thoughts inside his head in the slightest. No moments of quiet were allowed, even while still being awake.

But the feeling had gotten usual, normal even for the boy, his feet finding himself back at the door of his apartment before silently turning the key into the lock. At least his inability to sleep got him away from Asa’s temptingly dangerous offer to get closer.

No, he had already decided to ignore that, Dazai knowing very well that if he even lingered on such a thing for a moment then his selfish and greedy nature would destroy everything he had just built between them.

Those walls need to stay up, for both his and her safety.

Opening the door slowly, Dazai was then suddenly hit with a strange new aroma, the smell sickeningly sweet and flavorful as he moved further into the space. But what could that be? He didn’t remember his place smelling like this when he left last night.

Yet his questions were soon answered as he turned the corner only to find Asagao’s back to him, her lips humming in a happy little melody as she poured what looked to be a bowl full of batter on a pan.

Just what was this crazy girl doing now? He thought she would still be wrapped up like a mummy when he got home. Then again, the girl was insanely clever, of course she had gotten free without his help.

Crossing his arms against the doorframe, the smallest sound seemed to alert her attention, Asa’s curious expression turning around only for her face to light up with that same goofy and over the top manner as always had towards him. “Osu, you’re back! And just in time. Everything is almost ready.”

And god, he’d be lying if he said that stupid little smile didn’t make his stomach toss and turn in all the wrong ways. Even after pinning her down and bleeding his evils to her last night she was still looking at him the very same.

What an idiot she was, and what an idiot he was for falling for it again.

Lowering his eyes in hidden shame for himself, Dazai then paused when he saw that she was holding a plate in her hand, the scent of freshly made pancakes assaulting his senses all at once without permission.

Hold on, she made breakfast? No one had ever done that before. Odasaku wasn’t a breakfast kind of guy and the women he slept with never held the desire to do something so personal before. But why? Why did she do it?

He got his answer a second later, the girl happily skipping over to the massive empty table to their left in order to place the pillow-y items on the surface. “I wanted to thank you for letting me stay over last night so I made these for you. I hope you like them.”

For him.

She made them for him. Well of course she did, that seemed to be her only motivation for anything. And although he should’ve guessed that, Dazai didn’t. Almost like he still couldn’t comprehend someone going out of their way for someone like him.

The idea was foreign and strange. No one did things so selflessly, not in his experience.

But to say that Asa had an ulterior motive would be wrong, knowing that wasn’t the case either. She simply did things out of the goodness of her heart, and that was a concept the mafioso wasn’t familiar with.

She didn’t need to thank him for doing a bare minimum.

So much so, the boy remained quiet, simply slipping into the open chair before looking at the coaxing sight immediately. She was mocking him, he just knew it. Unknowingly, but that didn’t change the fact that this uncomfortable warmth wasn’t something he could have.

The mundane, the simple casual life. It wasn’t for him.

But then why did it make him feel so strange? Why did it twist around him and make him want to run away? It was like he had just slipped into a warm bath, the feeling coating his skin and making him jump out before he drowned in it forever.

No, he needed to shut it down.

Asa on the other hand was oblivious to such things, her hands happily setting the table before taking her place across from him. It was times like this she was grateful for learning to cook as a kid. Now she could treat him the kind of meal he deserved.

Picking up one of the pancakes with her fork, Asagao plopped the item onto her plate before forcing herself to speak out from the silence. “I bet you’re wondering how I’m such a good cook? Well, I’ll tell you. You see, I didn’t really get along with the kids back home and I didn’t want to ruin their meals by them having to see me so I learned to cook for myself. That way everyone was happy.”

The memory was sad but Asa forced herself not to linger on it. Yeah, the kids she met were mean and called her names but it got her to step out of her comfort zone and learn new things like this. So it couldn’t have been all bad, right?

Humming to herself, she then chuckled before shoving a fork full of food into her mouth with a simple shrug. “But then again, I’m happy that happened cause now I can eat with you and cook all your favorite things!”

But what Osamu didn’t know was that she had initially started cooking because of those letters, because of the way Oda had mentioned that Dazai had trouble with eating.

She guessed that in some crazy way she wanted to help him, to repay the favor of his existence by learning to make food that he would like, even if she wasn’t sure he would ever taste them.

And though her brother never said what types of things Osamu ended up liking, that just gave her even more motivation to learn as many recipes as possible.

But what do you know? She had gotten her wish, in a fucked up way. She had lost her brother in the process but now she was sitting across from Osu, able to put her skills to good use just like she had always intended.

It was bittersweet but Asa couldn’t help but be grateful for the latter.

Kicking her legs under the table in response, Asa then swallowed the piece of food before she finally heard Osu’s voice, except it somehow turned out to be much colder than she imagined. “You don’t have to worry about Ango anymore.”

The whiplash was sudden, causing her head to snap back to his with shock and confusion. Hold on, what did he just say? Ango wasn’t going to come after her anymore? No, it couldn’t be. That guy was stubborn.

And looking at him now, the boy still hadn’t looked up from the single pancake in front of him, almost like he was imagining that they were mocking him and calling him names silently.

But what had pancakes ever done to him to react this way? Because right now he was looking at them like they were his worst enemy.

That was besides the point though, the girl focusing on his words more than anything.“W-Wait, why? Did something happen?”

Dazai replied distantly, almost like he was distracted by something. “I took care of it. You can stay in Yokohama. He won’t try to send you back anymore.”

Won’t try to send her back? Well, that was surprising. Asa wondered how he managed it, or if Ango was even still alive anymore? To be honest she wouldn’t have cared either way considering she didn’t know the man but he was her brother’s friend. It would be unfortunate if he had died.

But the look on Osu’s face wasn’t one of murder so she let that theory go. Instead, the girl simply rested her hands in her lap, unsure how to respond to such big news. “O-Oh..thank you…”

Now she could stay in Yokohama and with Osamu. Was that what he was trying to get at, that he wanted her to still be around him? What about her offer last night, was this the answer to that also?

Yet before she had a chance to ask, Osu spoke again, like he was giving an order. “When you’re done eating I’ll call my men and you’ll go back with them.”

His voice was still cold and distant, causing Asa to put her fork down in concern. What was going on? He didn’t act like this last night. It was like he was treating her like another subordinate, giving instructions without a care in the world.

Right now he wasn’t her Osamu, he was Dazai, the mafia executive.

It was a shift, a change that made her fingers tightened around the hem of her skirt before forcing herself to bite her tongue and keep her words in her mouth. The last thing she wanted was to push and make him upset.

But even still, she could sense it immediately, the walls that had been put up, the distance in his voice so sudden it caught her off guard. What was this distance, and why had he constructed it like some sort of defense mechanism?

Although that’s when she watched him slowly stand up from his seat, ignoring the freshly made pancake in front of him only for the girl to finally call out. “What about you?”

She wasn’t expecting anything, but Asa would be lying to say that she wasn’t sad that their little date had finally come to an end. Everything was just so wonderful, she didn’t want her beautiful carriage to turn back into a pumpkin. Maybe if she asked, the magic could continue a little longer.

And maybe those walls could come down also.

Yet she was sorely mistaken when Osu simply scoffed at her concern, his hands lifted out in mocking reply. “Work, sweetheart. What? Were you expecting me to want me to walk you back? Are you really that needy that you can’t be without me for ten seconds? What a clingy little puppy you are, Asa-chan.”

And just like that, he disappeared into his bedroom, closing the door in order to hide himself from her as Asagao simply dropped her head down to look at his pancakes with a frown.

He didn’t even touch them.

Well, she should’ve expected that, Oda did say he didn’t like to eat sometimes so she shouldn't have taken it personally. And yet for some reason, Asa still did, her heart twisting with rejection in order to hang her head with sadness.

Sighing to herself, the girl then pulled out her phone before opening her notes app and crossing off the first sentence on the top, the one she had written almost a year ago.

Things Osamu might like to eat: pancakes

--------

Osamu’s men dropped her off in front of her brother’s apartment, leaving her alone on the streets as she felt herself recall back to the embarrassing display just moments ago. He didn’t even see her off, but she guessed he was probably just really busy with executive stuff again.

And even if it wasn’t the case, Asa knew he didn’t have the obligation to walk her to the car either. It wasn’t like they were actually boyfriend and girlfriend. Osu didn’t do “mushy”, she already knew that. Just him allowing her to stay the night should’ve been enough.

Yet Asagao hated that she still wanted more, her selfish and greedy little heart unable to get their perfect date out of her head no matter how hard she tried. Ugh, damn it! Pull it together, Asa! He’s just doing what we said in the agreement. Don’t get disappointed.

Shaking the thought from her head, she then slapped her cheeks roughly in order to finally make her way up the steps to Oda’s place only to see a vague shadow moving in the corner of her vision.

And when she heard his voice, her distaste didn’t lessen at all. “Asagao.”

Already feeling her throat groan at his presence, Asa glanced behind her in order to just barely make out the suited government agent just a couple feet away. Damn it, Osu said he wasn’t going to bother her anymore. Was that a lie, or just a miscalculation?

Cause right now she felt pretty bothered.

Getting ready to use her ability and flee, she paused when Ango’s frantic tone called back to her. “Don’t! Just..please..listen to me for a second. I’m not going to drag you back. I promise.”

Not fully believing him, Asa still kept her guard up, turning her body around to finally face him with a heavy weighed sigh. “What do you want, Ango? You want to get a couple more jabs in? Tell me how disappointed my brother would be for what I’m doing? Go ahead.”

Her words were sharp, causing Ango to physically flitch at the brutality of them all before he hung his head with a broken whisper. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for it to get that far. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I was angry and I took it out on you. Odasaku was my best friend. What I said..I just wanted to make sure you were safe.”

She knew that, she knew that was his intention but that didn’t mean that it didn’t hurt. Hearing those truths firsthand, shoving Oda’s feelings in her face had brought a sense of guilt she couldn’t hide. Ango was right after all, she was sure her brother wouldn’t have approved of her being in Yokohama, and yet she did it anyway.

Some little sister she was, right? Going against her brother's wishes just because she knew he couldn’t stop her from the dead. How fucked up of her to use such a sad loophole to her benefit.

Not wanting to think about it anymore, Asa then closed her eyes before willing the horrible feelings from her head in order to cross her arms. “Is that all you have to say?”

And she hoped that was it, that Ango was done with his internal torture because the girl didn’t know how much more she could take of his hard truths. She didn’t want to hear them, to face the disappointment.

Yet that’s when Ango paused before reaching into the bag by his side in order to pull out a large stack of papers, the white colored pages bounded by one staple. “No. I wanted to give you this.”

Not understanding, Asa frowned. “What is it?”

Still holding the pages between his fingers, Ango spoke towards the ground, his voice plain and serious. “I know about your past, Asagao. I know that you and Oda were taken in by an organization for assassins. I know that you killed like a rabid animal, following whatever orders they assigned. A prodigy, a beast, a tool. You outshone everyone in the program, so much so that there were bidding wars on who would hold your lease in the end.”

Why was he telling her this? She already knew all that shit. She had lived it after all. So why was he bringing up such unpleasant memories again?

Shaking her head, Asa glared back. “So you know my life, what about it?”

Ango only sighed though, obviously annoyed that she wasn’t understanding where he was going. “Oda kept you away from this for a reason, Asagao. He knew that if you ever returned to enemy hands then the results would be catastrophic.”

Crossing her arms over her chest once more, she nodded in response. He was rehashing things again. “Because I'm a hellhound, I know.”

Ango only pushed his glasses up with frustration. “No, you don’t get it..”

Snapping his head up, the agent then extended the pages to her, his voice chilling her entire soul. “You aren’t just a hellhound, you’re the only hellhound left in existence .”

What?

Almost immediately, Asagao felt her eyes widen in shock, her blood running cold. What did he just say? No, that couldn't be. The hellhounds were the organization's greatest accomplishment, it’s what got them on the map. There were hundreds of people like her, so many faces that went through the same grueling hell she did.

Shakily taking the report between her fingers, Asa forced herself to weigh them in her hands, even as her skin started to grow numb. “W-What? What does that mean?”

Ango answered immediately, his eyes then leaving hers.“The entire organization, the hellhound program, it no longer exists.”

What? No, there was no way. He was lying, The organization that Oda and her worked for was massive, it couldn’t just be gone. That was impossible.

So much so, the girl spoke her fear into the air. “That can’t be possible, what happened to it then?”

His answer was immediate, one simple word leaving her stunned. “Odasaku.”

Not allowing her to process the name, Ango then continued a second later, his voice clear with emotion. “Your big brother dismantled the entire organization for you. He killed everyone involved and erased the tracks so that no one could ever connect you to the underworld. The operation was so big that everyone thought he had help but that wasn’t the case. He did it all by himself, at the age of just fifteen.”

Sucking in a heavy breath, the agent finished softly. “All so you could be free..”

A heavy silence appeared then as Asagao tried to process what he was saying. Her brother had eliminated everyone in that organization, he had taken down the entire hellhound program and buried it just so no one would ever know she was alive? He did all of that, her brother, the man she never knew, he risked everything for her like that?

Just the idea brought tears to her eyes, her metaphorical fingers reaching out and finally finding someone to hold onto after so many long horrible years.

Why didn’t she know that before? Why didn’t he just tell her in those letters? Fuck, she thought he hated her all these years but really he was doing this? Asa always thought that Oda just hid her and then took her place. She didn’t know he had gone so far beyond that just for her sake.

And seeing her falter was something that pained Ango the most. The way she was searching his face for lies, for any sort of deception broke his heart into two. One look from her face and it was obvious to tell that she couldn’t believe him, that she was afraid to.

That is until the man reached forward in order to tap the stack of papers in her hands, urging her to look. “Please, don’t ever doubt his love for you, Asagao. Oda adored his little sister more than anything; It was never resentment. He wanted to give you everything, even what he could never have, and if you can’t believe that then look at the facts in front of you. Words don't lie.”

It hurt him to see her like this, knowing that Oda had never intended his little sister to be so wary. When she told him all her assumptions, the things that she had been fearful of her entire life, Ango knew he had to fix them, to make her see that her big brother truly did care for her, in more ways than she would ever know.

And although she couldn’t ever talk to her brother about it, he hoped this tangible proof was enough to finally put her heart at ease once and for all.

But what he didn’t know was that his small gesture had crashed open the flood gates that she had always tried to keep closed. And even though she told herself that Ango was lying for her sake, the words on the page and the record of that night appeared right in front of her face with painstaking reality.

Could it be? Oda never hated her? Not even once? Osamu’s stories and Ango’s reports were all true. God, the feeling was so overwhelming, Asa felt like she could crumble on her knees sob in relief. It was like a weight had suddenly lifted off her shoulders and the girl didn’t know what to do with it.

So much so, Asa then turned her teary eyes up to look at the agent before her lips began to quiver in response, her emotions screaming to be let out. “A-Ango…”

She thought he was a bad guy for trying to pull her away from this but perhaps that wasn’t the case after all. He had just given her the very thing she wanted most, and that meant everything to her.

Seeing her race forward, Ango’s eyes then widened as Oda’s sister wrapped her arms around his waist, burying her face into his suit jacket with a messy hug as the man stumbled backwards in shock. “H-Hey..”

She only responded by grasping even tighter as his eyes fell at the feeling of her small shaky uncertain arms holding onto him for dear life. He recognized it immediately. This was the hold of a child, a scared, terrified child that needed comfort more than anything else in the world.

And although Ango knew about the dark and bloody past that she lived, right now it was impossible to tell, the man placing an awkward hand to her head before validating her feelings. “Alright alright..it’s okay..you’re welcome..”

The girl only squeezed him in response, not trusting her own voice as the agent continued. “I won’t try to send you back anymore but I want you to be aware of the risks. If not for you then for Oda. Staying in Yokohama will always be dangerous for you. Don’t let this place drag you back and ruin Odasaku’s work. Please, I wouldn’t be able to bear it..”

All this time, Asa realized that she had been truly blind to the evil that her brother had left her behind for. Because if the underworld found out that a professionally trained hellhound was still alive, then the price on her head would be far more lethal than ever before.

She was a rarity now, a one of a kind gem that even the most twisted of members would kill for. That’s why her brother had tried to get her out of Yokohama, because coming back would mean facing a minefield of traps.

But even now, Asagao couldn’t get herself to walk away. Yes, it was dangerous, yes that just by associating her with Osamu she was already playing with fire and almost getting burned. But either way, she wanted to stay, she needed to, in order to have the last remaining tie to Oda.

Osamu, she couldn’t leave him. She couldn’t go back to being lonely again now that she had experienced how wonderful he was, how she accepted her. No, Asa knew she was already in far too deep to ever go back to how things were before.

Shaking her head against his chest, Asa then finally pulled away from Ango, her voice serious and final for her choice. “I won’t..I won’t ruin it..”

And this time, the man didn’t scold her for wanting to stay, his eyes falling with acceptance in order to nod with relief. At least she was aware of the risks now. His friend's sacrifice wouldn’t be for nothing “Thank you.”

Although that’s when another bandaged presence seemed to pop into his mind, the agent pausing for a moment before trying to tread lightly on the subject. “And the same thing goes for Dazai, please be careful of him also.”

Because if there was one thing he knew, it was that Dazai was connected to the port mafia, which meant that Asa was now closer than ever to the thing Oda had tried to save her from.

And although he wanted to believe that his old friend had turned over a new leaf, and wanted to keep her safe from Mori, he was still skeptical.

Dazai’s loyalty to Odasaku was noticeable but Ango still didn’t trust that he wouldn’t unknowingly ruin Asa in the process of his own selfish desires. The truth was, the biggest threat for her right now was the bandaged boy she was so attached to.

Asa only frowned though, distaste covering her past relief. “I don’t need to, Osu has only ever been nice to me.”

She hated that Ango looked at Osu like a monster, like some sort of evil she needed to watch out for. Sure, he wasn’t a great man but he also wasn’t completely bad either.

He had given her so much already. He had shown her hope and a connection to her brother she had never thought possible.

Ango still didn’t seem convinced though, his words sharp. “Maybe for now, but that boy is an enigma. He will always do what benefits him and is too broken to care about the destruction in his wake. Don’t let him destroy you too.”

And perhaps he wouldn't do it on purpose but Ango knew the chaotic energy that resisted in that boy’s soul. It was so easy to get caught up in the tornado of it all, to be struck by his nearby lightning if you got too close.

Groaning to herself, Asa then shrugged her shoulders in response. “There is nothing to destroy. Our relationship is in name only.”

That was the fact about them that Ango seemed to be forgetting. Osamu and her, they weren’t friends, even though she hoped that could be the case. But whatever storm or disaster he was talking about was irreverent to her.

They were using each other for their own wishes, that’s all it was. They weren’t boyfriend and girlfriend, they weren’t connected in any sort of way that would cause destruction. It was a surface level thing.

Nodding back in approval, the tense expression on his face then seemed to dissipate, leaving only relief. “Good, keep it that way. Otherwise you’ll be added to the long list of people he’s hurt.”

And that was the last thing Ango wanted for her. She didn’t deserve to be caught up with a suicidal mess like Dazai. Surface level was fine, but the man knew that anything more than that would only bring pain in the end.

That boy didn’t know how to care for another person. Hell, he didn’t even know how to care for himself, and if Asagao got in the middle of that then the only one that would end up hurt would be her, and he would not let that happen.

Just as long as they kept their distance, just as long as Asagao never falls for his deceptive tricks or seduction. Just as long as she never actually falls in love with him, then it would be fine. He could live with their relationship.

Reaching his hand forward, Ango then placed his hand back onto her head before speaking softly. “If anything happens, come find me. I don’t care what Dazai wants, if you are put in danger in any capacity then I will fight the entire port mafia to make sure you’re safe.”

He meant every word, knowing that the moment Dazai hurt her, he would not hesitate to break this thing entirely. It’s what Odasaku would’ve done, and since he wasn’t alive now it was up to Ango to take the position.

And he would, without fail, make sure that his best friend's wish stayed granted.

-----------

The next time Asagao saw Osamu was two weeks later, the girl happily opening the door only for him to casually stroll in with a sly smile. “Little eager today, aren’t we Asa-chan?”

And it was hard to deny that, knowing that the girl had been waiting for him to show up again so they could spend more time with each other. Just seeing him here gave her that same joy that he always seemed to bring.

Nodding once, the girl beamed. “Sorry, I’m just excited to see you. It's been awhile.”

Moving over to their usual seats, the girl then took out the white shoe box that held her brother’s letters before taking out the top entry in order to slide it over to Osu silently.

The boy took in the words immediately, handling the paper with just as much care as he always did before carefully folding the surface as gently as possible. And though he didn’t speak about it, it was obvious to tell that he cherished the letter more than anything in the entire world.

Closing his eyes, Dazai then slipped into one his usual stories about Odasaku, a wistful look in his eyes. “Hey Asa-chan, you wanna know how Odasaku and I met in the first place?”

The girl nodded immediately, her eyes glued to his. “Oda’s letters said something about finding you outside covered in blood. Is there more to it?”

She partly wondered why he decided to share his particular story now. Perhaps he was just feeling sentimental about it. Not that she minded though, anything Osamu gave her about Oda was a gift.

Seeing the light practically sparkle in his eyes at her eager response, Dazai then leaned forward on his knees before gasping in child-like glee. “Oh yeah, lots more! That guy chained me to a bedpost for weeks so I wouldn't escape and then used his ability to swindle me out of all the port mafia’s secrets. It was so unfair and he knew it, weaponizing his future skill against me. So mean.”

The boy then pouted his lips at the memory causing Asagao to giggle under her breath. She was happy to see him this way, it seemed like that wall he had built between them wasn’t here right now and he was allowing his kid-ish nature to seep out.

Perhaps without permission, but Asa was grateful for it even so. It made her feel closer to him, just like that night they had spent together at Bar Lupin. What was she so worried about before? He seemed okay now.

Raising an eye, the girl poked herself into the conversation. “He swindled you?”

Groaning in exasperation, Osu then fell backwards before flopping his bandage filled arms onto the table. “Yeah! That guy was shadier then you would think. He knew I didn’t have a chance with that ability of his. Odasaku was so sneaky sometimes.”

Asa wondered what that looked like. Did her brother have the same kind of manipulative traits that she had? Because from what Osu described it sure sounded like it. Huh, she always thought she was the odd duck in their family but perhaps not.

Osu then carried on with this story, throwing his arms up in the air with a slight whine. “I mean, I tried for so long to get him to be sick of me and let me go but nothing worked! Honestly, it was kind of impressive. I’ve never met someone that would be so indifferent to annoyance like him…”

Yet that’s when Dazai felt himself stop in order to glance at the watchful kid in front of him. No, that was a lie. He did know someone else with that same kind of indifference, and she was sitting across from him right now.

And almost immediately, the boy felt his hands fall as he forced himself to reel his excitement back in. Damn it, he was getting too comfortable again, slipping into these carefree stories like they were friends.

He promised himself before he came here that he would stop doing that. Guess that showed how little self control he actually had when it came to her and Odaskau as a whole.

No, the original plan was to read Odasaku’s letter, tell one story and then leave. That was what had to happen, and Dazai was determined to keep it like that.

Forcing his lips closed, the mafioso then frantically stood from his spot before making his way back towards the door only for Asa to raise her hands in concern. What had gotten into him all of a sudden? They were in the middle of a story. “Hey, where are you going?”

The boy only shrugged his shoulders though, leaving Asa stunned. “Our agreement was fulfilled, right? That means it’s time to head out.”

And yes, he was right. She knew he was. They had already exchanged what was expected, he got a letter and she got a story. But things were going well, he looked so happy gushing about Oda. Why did that have to end so quickly?

Twisting her expression in conflict, Asagao then frowned before that familiar sense of loneliness couldn’t help but coat her throat. Just a little more, please stay just a little more.

She then stood with him, grasping at anything to make him stay. “Are you sure? You don't have to..I mean…I was just about to cook dinner. Maybe we could..”

Yet the boy simply cut her off, a tight smile on his lips as he waved her offer away like it meant absolutely nothing. “Sorry sweetheart, no can do! This handsome face is fully booked for the evening. Hate to disappoint but you gotta get in line for that.”

Almost immediately though, Asagao’s trained senses couldn’t help but ring with alarms. To anyone else, that response would’ve been normal but for someone that had cataloged his entire being, she knew right away that his words were a deflection of something else.

She felt that wall slam back up almost instantly, the distance much colder than it was just a couple minutes ago when they were laughing and telling stories. But why? What happened to make him so standoff-ish and fake all of a sudden? Was it something she said?

And she hated it, she hated that the sound of his voice implied that they were just mere strangers and not friends. Suddenly he was so out of reach, her invisible hand finding air instead of the boy she knew before.

The feeling was suffocating, Asagao wanting so badly to call him out on it, to show that she knew exactly what he was doing. But somehow, she forced herself to resist, to hold back on prying into the sad and complicated mind he possessed.

It was invasive, she knew that. She had figured that out firsthand when she accidentally made those girls from school cry and push her around. And though it felt like an itch she had to scratch, Asa instead clutched her hands into fists, holding back the temptation.

He would tell her when he was ready, right?

She had to trust that. If something was bothering him then would confine to her. That’s what she wanted to believe so badly. Anything to keep this ugly part of her at bay and hold back her words.

Taking a deep breath, Asagao then forced a smile to her lips in fake positivity before giving him a small wave in reply. “That’s okay, I don’t want to disturb you. Have fun.”

Osamu only winked in response, the flirty gesture giving her no comfort. “You know it, darling.”

And then he left, leaving her with the familiar companion of loneliness that had accompanied her throughout her entire life.

------

Three months.

It had been three months since their date and Asa was growing restless by the day, watching as Osamu kept that same suffocating distance between them. He never spoke about it, he didn’t even bring anything up regarding it.

No, he just left her in her own torment, like a shaky damn that’s foundations were slowly cracking.

She kept trying to tell herself to let it go, to stop being a bother and face the fact that they would never be friends like she had hoped. That wasn’t the agreement, he had no obligation to hang around longer than he needed to.

But as the days passed, so did the selfishness of her heart. The greed was swallowing her whole with every bit of rejection she received to have him stick around. No matter what she tried he never seemed interested.

No, he did seem interested. That was the problem.

Because of her stupid upbringing and analytical eyes she could tell that he was lying in his answers. This facade he put up, it wasn’t fooling her one bit and she honestly wished that it had.

The truth was, if he simply didn’t want those things then she could’ve lived with it but it was obvious to tell that Osu was holding himself back from something. And though Asagao was never an angry person, his withdrawal was starting to piss her off.

Why was he doing this to himself, why was he forcing himself to leave time and time again? She hated it, the torture he was putting himself through for a reason she couldn’t decipher.

So much so that after their usual exchange, Asagao followed him out the door, her fingers catching on the sleeve of his black jacket with silent plea. “Osu, are you sure you don't wanna stay?”

Once again he only gave her a shallow response. “So clingy, love. I already told you I was busy.”

But this time, the girl couldn’t let it rest. She had been trained to point out any irregularity or change in a person's demeanor since she could remember. It was ingrained into her, and she couldn’t turn it off even if she tried.

Yes, she was wearing her glasses but it wasn’t that easy with Osamu. She couldn’t see his mannerisms but she could hear them, she could sense them, and that was enough to know that something was very wrong with how he was acting.

Unable to help herself, Asagao spoke sharply. “Do you honestly think I’d believe such a lie?”

And for a moment, Dazai paused, his facade cracking for a second before he gave a careless laugh. “I’m not sure what you mean, Asa-chan, I would never lie.”

But just him saying that was a lie in itself. He thrived off of depiction, that much was very well known, even to Asagao. “I just don’t understand why you are forcing yourself to leave like this. You never want to.”

Almost immediately, Dazai felt frozen, his hand hovering over the door handle with silent distress. He hoped that Asa would look at his disinterest with the mind of a foolish lovesick girl but that didn’t seem to be the case. Why couldn’t it ever be easy with her?

Of course he had to leave. He couldn’t get comfortable, to allow himself to indulge in the drug that was Oda Asagao. Every single coax, every moment of temptation she had given him he had resisted. Just barely, but it still counted.

Because Dazai knew that the moment he gave into her, there would be no going back. And that couldn’t happen. Quite honestly, she was making everything harder by clinging on for so long. He hoped she would’ve gotten the message.

And she did, but it wasn’t the message that he intended. She didn’t see his rejection as indifference, she saw it as it really was, a scared little boy running away from what he really wanted.

Forcing another chuckle to his lips, Dazai gave her a sly smirk to mask his anxiety. “Well, I do admit it is hard to leave such a beautiful lady alone each time.”

His first response fell on deaf ears though, Asagao immediately sensing it as deflection. And unlike all the times before, she wasn’t going to let this one go.

Narrowing her eyes in strange seriousness, she sighed. “Osamu…”

The boy only turned his head though, pretending not to know what she was trying to imply. “Hmm?”

Although that’s when he watched her eyes fall with a softness that shook his very foundations. “What’s wrong?”

Shit, she knew something was wrong, she knew he was forcing himself away. This was bad. He knew she wouldn’t agree with his reasoning either. No, she’d probably encourage his bad little habit of sticking around.

And that was something he could not have.

Shoving the feelings down, Dazai simply scoffed, purposely speaking cruelly in order to get her to back off. “Nothing’s wrong, sweetheart. I’m just fulfilling my part of our deal. It’s you that wants me to stick around like this. Not that I can blame you, I am irresistible.”

Asagao only frowned though, seeing his sugar coated words as another deflection.“Don’t give me that, you’ve been acting weird for months. Do you really think I haven’t noticed? I wouldn’t have bothered you if you really wanted us to be strangers but I can tell that isn’t the case. You are forcing yourself to keep this distance between us. Why?”

Her words were like a set of draggers, cutting maliciously into him without permission as she poured out every single analytical thing she had picked up over the last few months. She didn’t pull any punches, leaving him absolutely breathless.

God, for as enticing as she was, Dazai hated this part of her just as much as he admired it. Because when it was aimed at anyone else it was marvel but when it was aimed at him..well it was his worst nightmare…

And that was because he always felt naked with her, so vulnerable and fragile, stripped away from every single mask and front he had ever put up. It didn’t matter how many layers he tried to cover himself with, she saw through every single one in a blink of an eye.

It was dangerous, being around her was so dangerous. He could never hide when he was put in front of her eyes, no matter how hard he wished for it. She was always his executioner, his mirror.

It made his skin crawl with uncomfortable raw emotion, wanting so badly to run away from her and protect himself from her scrutinizing and truth telling tongue.

Why did she have to perceive what he never wanted to be known and shove it in front of his face time and time again?

He felt like he was going to be sick, the boy forcing himself to keep himself together before she looked into him even deeper. “What you’re seeing is wishful thinking, love.”

And silently he begged for her to take the bait, to finally back off and take his gaslighting as the truth. But he was never lucky enough for that result.

Instead, Asagao’s frown only deepened, her heart twisting with rejection in order to do the one thing that had always seemed to get her in trouble. Pushing too far. “Why is it so bad to want to stay? I already said you don’t have to do anything…”

Yet that’s when she heard his voice, strained and cold. “Asagao.”

And once he got her attention, Dazai forced himself to say the one thing he knew would let him go, even if it was insanely cruel.

He had to, or else he knew she would never let up. “Quit trying to be Odasaku. You won’t replace him.”

Widening her eyes, Asagao’s felt her heart stab with pain at that, her entire body recoiling back from him with a sharp gasp. Is that what he thought, that she was trying to replace her brother?

That wasn’t what she was trying to do at all, that wasn’t her intention. She just wanted a friend, not to replace his memory entirely.

But then again, she supposed in some sort of manner it was like that. She had come to Yokohama, found Osamu and urged him into the same relationship that he had shared with her brother.

That’s right, she was just a knock off version of what he wanted. A dollar store rip off that didn’t compare to the real thing. How silly of her to expect any different, for him to care for her in the same capacity as he did for Oda.

Asagao got his message immediately, he was telling her not to overstep her place.

Not knowing how to respond, she then watched Osamu leave her alone, causing her hand to run across her face in sad revelation before moving back to the small shoe box on the table and opening the top.

Then the girl reached her hand in order to take out a familiar letter, the one that she had used to calm herself a million times before. The very first message of Osamu’s existence.

Pushing the letter close to her chest, Asagao then let out a shaky breath, not finding that familiar comfort anymore now that she knew the truth.

How foolish of her, to think that he wouldn’t leave like all the others.

----

Chapter 12

“Quit trying to be Odasaku.”

The words slipped from his lips without a second thought, purposely cracking the carefree outer shield that Asagao always wore in order for the boy to see the hurt that he didn't know existed.

For some reason, that phrase wasn’t something she could brush off or use her usual coping mechanism on. No, one look in her eyes and Dazai could tell that it was bigger, that he had touched a spot that broke through her trauma plated armor.

But in the end it had gotten him what he wanted, the girl no longer stopping him as he walked out of Oda’s apartment without another word, taking that sick nauseating feeling with him.

She wasn’t trying to take the place of Odasaku, he knew that, but in Dazai’s mind his projection of his own insecurities basically made the result the same. Asagao wasn’t aiming to be Oda but the boy could feel their similarities creeping up his spine even so.

It didn’t matter if she had good intentions, because the boy had seen her as his dead friend many times before.

The truth was, Dazai was the one who was searching for Odasaku, he was the one that tried to recreate those feelings with Asagao.

It wasn’t her fault, it was his own fucked up brain wishing for those mundane and carefree times back. He wanted to stay at her place for weeks on end and eat dinner with her every time she offered. He wanted to tell her stories about her brother and laugh about them throughout the entire night.

But instead he lashed out, he shoved his own insecurities in her face and caused her to make that heartbreaking expression instead. Guess she was wrong, he couldn’t be a good man after all. He bet she regretted that statement now.

What a disappointment he was, hurting the one thing that Odasaku held dearly. He tried to warn her that she would be caught in the crossfire of his own destruction but she didn't listen. And now she had paid the price.

If only she wasn’t so clever, if only she didn’t see through every single one of his defenses. See, this was why he preferred to be around stupid girls, ones that didn’t ask too many questions. It was easier that way, easier to hide in himself.

But with Asagao he couldn’t do that, and it terrified a part of him he didn’t even know he possessed. She saw him in a way no one else could, she perceived him in a manner that shook him to his very core.

It was a contradiction, to want to be understood and yet not at the same time. To call out into the sea and pray to be rescued but also hope to be drowned. That was the line that Dazai constantly walked, and the boy knew that he would never be happy with either result.

Because to be seen, to be perceived was the scariest he could ever imagine. Just the mere idea of such a concept caused his fingers to wrap around the bandages around his arms with a shiver of alarm.

No, he couldn’t do it. It didn’t matter how much he craved it, how much he wished for it. He couldn’t show anyone these ugly disgusting parts of himself. The walls, the barriers, the armor, they needed to be there forever.

That’s why he wore the tightly wound gauze in the first place, to hide. To cover himself in order to be able to stand to look at the sight. They shielded him, coddled him far from his inner self, tucking him away emotionally so that no one could ever truly see the scarred and tainted skin underneath.

They were a necessity, something that Dazai knew he couldn’t live without.

And just the mere thought of Asagao seeing underneath his bandages almost spiraled him into a panic attack on the spot. No, he couldn’t let her get too close, he couldn’t let her figure out this horrible part of him.

This feeling of insecurity and helplessness, he hated it more than anything. It stuck to his skin like a disease, taunting him with every step. He needed to be ridded of it immediately before it consumed his sad little nonexistent heart completely.

Mindlessly making his way back to his apartment, the boy then threw open the door before stepping inside the hollow and lonely place without a single word.

The soothing and happy hum, the sickening smell of sweets, the bright aura that was once there was no longer now that Asagao had left.

She took all the life with her it seemed. And without her the place had returned back to its usual depressed state.

Focusing on a corner of a room, Dazai then recalled the massive blanket fort that had graced the space all those months ago. He was so stunned when he first saw it and somewhere in the back of his throat he missed it, simply because all that was left now was just empty space.

Robotically moving over his bed, the boy then laid back onto the soft mattress with a sigh in order to lift his hand and cover his face as the silence turned into sadness.

He felt no warmth, no comforting uneasiness that he had with Asagao. No, the boy didn’t feel anything, his entire body numb and nonexistent as he forced himself back to the sad little life he had made for himself.

Now he was alone, just as he had always been, and just how he would always be.

------

Six months passed by and Dazai resided in keeping himself busy at all times. Wether it was trying out a new suicide attempt or taking on every single assigment that Mori had offered, the boy had stuck to a schedule in order to keep himself away from tempting lure of Asagao.

Yes, they still visited each other but the boy made sure to keep it at a surface level and after his careless comment Asagao didn’t seem to object. They were back to being strangers, just like he had always intended them to be.

Which was why the executive was now standing in the middle of a crossfire, his ears filling up with loud shouts and orders as the air rained down with bullets all around them.

It was supposed to be a simple job but somehow had turned into an all out war without warning. And though Dazai’s ability made him powerful, it didn’t stop the influx of offensive attacks that were all aimed at him.

And though he dodged the best he could, the boy wasn’t that lucky as one of his attackers managed to ram his fist into Dazai’s stomach in order for another one of his lackeys to fire a shot in the mafioso’s direction.

The impact was instant, crashing into his shoulder with a sharp sting of agony as Dazai hissed at the contact. Fuck, that hurt. Didn’t these guys know he didn’t like pain?

Apparently not, because a second later another gun was aimed at his face, causing the bandaged boy to groan in order to kick the object away with his foot and retreat behind a nearby tree.

Touching the crimson color on his shoulder, he seethed at the pain before watching his fingers coat with dangerous warning. Damn it, he was losing blood fast, so much so the boy already felt dizzy.

He then heard a shout to his left, the attackers signaling that they had found Dazai only for the boy to grit his teeth and take off running. The last thing he needed was to be captured and tortured by these guys. He did not want to die in a dirty old cell like that.

Feeling his own heartbeat pound in his ears, the brown haired kid ignored the blurry spots in his vision in order to pant and push further and further into the streets of Yokohama.

And the fainter he got, the more Dazai wondered if this was really it, if he was finally going to die tonight?

If that was true then it was unfortunate, considering how much his entire body hurt right now. This was no painless way to leave this world, and because of that the boy couldn’t help but be against it.

But if he was going to die like this then he knew the exact place he wanted to go.

Forcing his shaky and uncertain legs to move, his fingers leaned against a nearby wall before practically clawing his way to where he needed to go. No, he couldn’t die until he was there, then everything would be okay.

And soon enough he found it, the steps of Odasaku’s apartment causing a tired smile to cross his lips before his body finally gave out on the steps.

It only seemed right to go here, this was where it all started after all, where Odaskau had found him all those years ago.

But even in his delirious state, Dazai knew that no one would save him this time. Odasaku was dead, which meant the only thing left for him now was to join him.

And as he felt his eyes close with acceptance, the boy whispered to himself.

“I’m sorry, Odasaku. I failed you.”

-----

Sighing to herself, Asagao strolled through the streets of Yokohama with no particular goal in mind. She didn’t even really know why she was out here but anything was better than wallowing in her own depression she supposed.

Ever since Osamu’s comment to her three months ago, the two hadn’t been close. Hell, it seemed that they were even more like strangers than before. The two still saw each other, yeah, but it was never about anything but their deal.

The conversations were shallow and meaningless, leaving her wanting more each time. But Asa knew better than to be selfish again. This was the relationship they had whether she liked it or not.

And she respected it, even if it was extremely hard to do so.

Asagao then paused as a group of school girls passed by her, everyone in the group laughing and giggling about some kind of inside joke as one of them gasped. “Hey, you wanna check out the newest cafe? It just opened.”

Her friend only nodded enthusiastically, obviously eager for the idea. “Yeah, let’s do it!”

And as they passed by her, Asa couldn’t help but feel her gaze fall with defeat. What did that feel like, to hang out like normal middle schoolers, to have someone to lean on so easily? She didn’t know, she never knew how that felt.

Because as much as she liked to believe she could be a part of that world, Asa knew in her heart that it was impossible. Something about her was never that way, she could feel it.

She wasn’t a mafioso nor a normal kid. She didn’t fit in either one of those boxes. The brutality and evilness of it all, the average happy go lucky mold of a giggly middle schooler, they never seemed quite right.

The sad truth was, Asagao knew she didn’t belong anyway. Not with the mafia, not with the civilians. She was a strange middle ground, a purgatory between heaven and hell, unable to transfer to either side no matter how badly she wanted it.

Her eyes had made that impossible and now she was stuck on the outside, looking through a glass box of disappointment.

Hell, even Osamu didn’t like the way she was.

That much was evident from his comments months ago. It still haunted her, the assumption that she had done all of this to take her big brother's place by his side. It disgusted her to know that it was kind of the truth.

What was wrong with her? She couldn’t find a place in the darkness or a light so instead she sought after her big brother's position instead? How vile. She hated herself for even thinking about such a thing.

No wonder Osamu got sick of her. She couldn’t even blame him.

She didn’t really like herself either.

Sighing to herself once more, Asa then walked back to her brother’s apartment sadly, not wanting to be out here anymore. She decided to go out to make herself feel better but it seemed even that was a bust.

The girl then turned the corner to her street only to pause at the sight of a black blur laid across the steps of her brother’s apartment. Hold on, what was that? Someone was sleeping in front of her door? How odd.

Yet the closer she got, the more she recognized the very familiar brown haired boy, his body coated in blood from an unknown source. Oh my god, what happened to him? “O-Osamu?”

He didn’t stir at that sound of her voice, his muscles unmoving as Asagao quickly kneed down in order to press a finger to the side of his throat in panic in order to find a pulse. Oh thank god, he wasn’t dead.

Although the second her fingers graced his skin, Osu’s voice whispered out brokenly, his tone distant and weak as he pleaded softly. “I’m sorry, Odasaku. I failed you.”

Feeling her face drop at the desperation in his words, Asagao shook her head, moving her hands over to his shoulders with anxiety.

She didn’t know what he was talking about in the slightest but hearing him speak so small and dejected made her heart hurt. “Don’t say that. You haven’t failed anyone.”

His lack of response to her voice caused Asa to panic, her hands frantically moving under his arms in order to lift his limb body off the steps before stumbling in the process.

Because they were about the same height and build, she was able to handle his dead weight just barely, silently apologizing to the boy in her head as she dragged his feet across the threshold of Oda’s apartment with another breathy wobble.

No, she couldn’t keep him out there. It didn’t matter if she couldn’t fully carry him inside, if his feet were still glued to the ground. She would push herself as far as he needed to to make sure he was okay.

Finally reaching the sofa, Asagao then carefully lowered Osamu’s sweaty and weak body down onto the cushions before quickly grabbing the nearest medical kit she could find in order to sit across from him and start to take off his bloody black jacket.

Surprisingly enough, Osu didn’t protest to her frazzled hands, his eyes far too heavy and distant to reply as Asagao tried to reach him again. “I’m going to take off your shirt so I can see how deep the wound is, okay?”

Once again he didn’t answer, causing Asa to continue her plan as her fingers graced the buttons of his black vest, peeling the fabric away before pulling his tie from his neck and untying the knot without a second thought.

And though her face felt undeniably hot from her methods she shoved the feelings down. Now was not the time to get flustered about these kinds of things. Osamu needed her. She could get embarrassed later, once she found out he was alright.

Fumbling with the buttons on the white shirt underneath, she then watched the boy hiss as she unstuck the glued-on fabric from his bloody skin only for Asa to whisper sadly. “I’m sorry, I know you don’t like pain but please bear with me. I promise I’ll be as gentle as I can for you.”

And she was, she was trying to be as light as possible, only touching the fabric from his shirt and not the skin that laid beneath out of respect for his preferences. The last thing she wanted to do was cause him discomfort in any way while he was injured.

She didn’t want him to think that she was taking advantage of his weak state by going further than what he consented to.

Being a port mafia executive, she knew it was probably already hard for him to show this vulnerable position and trust anyone with his body, especially to this extent.

So Asa tried her best, only grabbing onto the fabric as she pulled it from his arms only to find the source of the blood immediately.

Damn it, he was shot in the shoulder. First she had to get the bullet out and then give him stitches or else he was at risk of bleeding out.

Quickly opening the first aid kit, Asagao then grabbed a pair of tweezers before moving the objects towards his shoulder with a sharp breath of apprehension, knowing Osu would feel pain from her decision. “I’m so sorry love but this is gonna hurt. I’m gonna need you to be strong for me, okay? Grab my wrist or hold my hand if you need to. I’m right here.”

The way she called him love , it rolled off her tongue without a second thought, extending her non-dominant hand out to hover in front of him silently before focusing her attention back on his wound.

Asking a top level member of the mafia to be strong, perhaps it was foolish but she felt the need to say it even so. Because if he was weak in this moment, she wanted him to know that she wouldn’t judge him for it.

Digging her tweezers into the bloody wound, she felt Osamu’s body tense up, his teeth gritting together with clear discomfort as Asa quickly wrapped the surface around the bullet in order to pull it free.

Yet even so, the boy didn’t reach out to her at all, his fingers instead clenching the fabric on his pants as Asagao quietly stitched up his open gash with precise precision.

She didn’t mind though, she didn’t hold the rejection against him, allowing him to do whatever he felt comfortable with in order to focus on her job.

Being a hellhound had its perks after all, and one of them was firsthand experience with patching herself up as a child. She could do it in a matter of seconds, even with her eyes closed.

The skill was always useful but Asa had never been truly thankful of it till now, knowing that she could ease Osamu of his pain as fast as possible.

Once she was done, the girl sighed in relief, seeing Osu’s ghostly white fingers relax from his hold only for Asagao to notice the rest of his chest.

The bandages he always wore were soaked with blood, trailing towards his bare skin in streaks and splotches.

He couldn’t be comfortable like that, sitting in that kind of reminder. Also what if there were more wounds under all the blood? What if there was something lethal that she couldn’t see? If so then she needed to treat it right away.

Reaching her fingers forward in anxiety, the tips then hovered on top of his bandages only for Osamu to seemingly wake up from his dazed state, the alarms in his head practically screaming at him to move.

Hmm? It doesn’t hurt anymore.

Wait, what is she reaching for?

Wait, no..anything but that..

And as her fingers started to unravel the coverings, the boy's hand snapped forward with frightening speed in order to latch onto her wrist with a painful death grip of warning.

He then roughly pulled her hand away from the gauze as Asagao froze at the deadly and dangerous look he was giving her. It was lethal, the sight forcing her to silence immediately.

His eyes, they only held threats, the iris’ wide and crazed like a cornered wild animal or a demon inside the skin of a boy.

In this moment Osamu resembled the devil himself, unmoving, unchanging from the hold he had on her.

But what Asa didn’t know was that the boy inside was spiraling, panicking on the deepest level the moment her fingers graced the shaky and wrapped up emotions that he had always hid away from the world.

Anything to make her stop, anything to get her to pull away from the hideous and ugly parts that needed to stay buried. No one could see them, especially her. He needed to get her to stop no matter what, even if he had to break her wrist to do so.

And a second later, he thought about doing just that, his grip tightening with force only for Asagao to notice the slightest tremor in his muscles as he did so.

The feeling caused Asa’s eyes to fall, her mind not even focusing on the pain in order to take in the boy before her. He was shaking, trembling even though he was trying not to show it. He was scared of her seeing him, of her taking off his bandages.

A hard ball of emotion coursed through her throat at the sight, knowing the internal fear better than anyone. She was scared to live without her glasses just like he was scared to live without his white colored binds.

To perceive the world, to be perceived yourself, they were frightening concepts for both Asagao and Osamu. They used the physical, the tangible to keep them safe and secure from the possibility of hurt.

Then, the realization hit Asagao immediately.

God, he probably felt cornered with her here, watching him with her analytical and prying mind. That’s why he looked so wild and crazed, why he was grabbing her wrist with so much force right now. It was because he was terrified of her looking too deep, of her finding something he wasn’t proud of.

Dazai only took the silence as suffocation though, each moment causing his heart to twist and turn with even more breathless panic as he forced his words to move to no avail.

He wanted to scream, to yell at her, to threaten her and hurt her so badly that she would never dare to touch him ever again like that.

His mind spun, delirious from his wound, the horrors and nightmares of his past and present swirling around him in a psychotic and madened circle only to watch as Asa closed her eyes with a small smile of acceptance.

And when she spoke, it was soft, barely above a whisper. “It’s okay, I understand now.”

Wait, what did she mean she understood? Why was she looking like that? He was hurting her, he was so close to breaking her wrist. She should’ve been scared or disgusted by his weak panic.

But what kind of face was that?

Yet that’s when his dizzy and faint expression followed her movements, the girl slowly pulling away from his vice grip before reaching for his black discarded tie in order to hold it between her fingers.

Asagao then wordlessly slipped off her large round glasses before replacing the objects with the black colored fabric, purposely blinding herself from his view before turning back to him.

And with just three tiny words, he was stunned into silence. “You’re safe now.”

Widening his eyes the boy felt the meaning crash into him almost instantly. They carved into Dazai without permission, his eyes widening at the feeling before his weakened and shaking fingers couldn’t help but grip onto the fabric of his pants in response.

Safe.

She said he was safe. That concept, he never knew the meaning until now.

They were just three little words and yet Dazai somehow knew what they meant immediately. She was telling him that he was safe from being perceived, that he didn’t have to worry about her finding his insecurities and ugly tainted soul.

Even though she had noticed, Asagao didn’t tell him to get over it, she didn’t push forward, she didn’t force him past his comfort.

She instead blinded herself for his sake, to give him comfort, to give him security, to ease his trembling and terrified mind before he unraveled right in front of her face. It was so kind, so unbelievably meaningful that Dazai didn’t know how to take it.

How could someone truly be this perfect, how could they truly understand such a thing so clearly with little to no words. Without judgment, without persecution? He didn’t think it was possible.

Reaching her hands forward, Asagao then hovered back over the looming bandages still soaked with blood in order to continue to unravel them, her lips playing in a soft blissful hum as she did so.

The sound caught in his ears immediately, distracting him from her touch as he watched her careful fingers never reach towards his skin, strictly keeping them on the gauze almost like she knew the sensitivity and vulnerable weakness it would cause by straying too far.

And as his ugly scarred skin started to appear underneath, a self conscious look crossed his face, the boy thankful that Asa couldn’t see such a weak display.

But even though her eyes were covered, just her mere presence in front of his ugly skin was enough for the boy’s face to flush in order to look away with a shaky uncertain breath.

It didn’t matter that she couldn’t actually see, this was the most intimate he had ever gotten with someone before.

And he didn’t mean intimacy in terms of sex either, although it would be wrong to call his hookups intimate on any level considering his methods were to just bend them over and get it over with as fast as possible.

But this was different than the physical intimacy that he was used to. No, this was something bigger, something far more deep and personal then he had never experienced before.

This was emotional intimacy. The act of being mentally vulnerable, of trusting someone to keep you safe in your most weakened state. It was to allow the walls to crumble down and allow someone to cross your barriers even though it was terrifying to do so.

Dazai then realized that sex was easy, far easier than whatever this was. It didn’t have feelings, it didn’t force him to show the absolute worst parts of himself and strip him down emotionally to his very core like this.

But even so, the boy allowed Asagao to continue, her hands finally gathering up the old bloody bandages in order to toss them on the ground before reaching down in order to find his hand. “Come on, let’s get you cleaned up.”

And he hated how he physically flinched at the contact, unable to stop the weak response now that he was vulnerably naked in front of her. He felt more sensitive than before, the slightest touch urging him to recoil back into his shell.

She seemed to notice the response immediately, her fingers quickly pulling him up before he felt his bare arms rest against the fabric of her shirt in order to take him over to Oda’s bathroom just a couple feet away.

And because it wasn’t skin to skin contact, the boy found it easier, resting his weary body on her shirt in order for her to lower him into the tub with a type of care that he thought wasn’t physically possible.

Then he watched as she turned around in order to gather up the bottle of shampoo and conditioner along with a cloth that was sitting on a shelf behind her with ease.

He wondered how she did it, how she managed to wander around the bathroom even without being able to see?

Well, he supposed it was because of her glasses. She couldn’t see either way so being blindfolded by his tie was probably nothing different in terms of view.

Then like magic, it seemed like she had read his mind. “I bet you’re wondering how I’m so good at this. Well, being blindfolded was a part of my training to be a hellhound. I’ve learned to catalog objects in physical spaces. Being out on the streets I’m sure I’d have a little more trouble but in a familiar environment like this, seeing isn’t a necessity.”

She was grateful for it now, this little trick of hers, simply because Asa knew this was something only she could do for Osamu. Anyone else would’ve fumbled and struggled in the darkened world she willingly created but not her.

No, she thrived in it, more than Osu would ever know.

Wetting the cloth with running water, Asa then sat on her knees in order to bring the fabric to Osamu’s chest before feeling him twitch and flitch at the contact. He was in a fragile state right now so she had to be careful.

And careful she was, her fingers moving across the bumpy and raised scarred skin ever so slowly in order to wash every bit of blood she felt between her touch, cleansing him of his sins without a second thought.

Softening her eyes through the blindfold, she heard his quiet responses immediately. The shaking uneven breath, the feeling of his rising and falling chest of uncertainty with each move, somehow she knew that he was watching her, prepared to pull away at any moment.

It only made her even more determined though, wanting to show him just how much she cared about him, to show how monumental this boy was to her very existence. She wanted to give him the world, to prove to him that it was okay to be weak and uncertain in front of her.

Once she didn’t feel any more blood, Asagao then directed her attention to the bottle of shampoo to her left in order to pour a small amount on her hand as she heard Osu question softly. “What are you doing?”

Smiling towards his voice, Asa replied. “I noticed you had blood in your hair before.”

There was a silence then, almost like he was trying to decipher her sentence before she tilted his head back in order to gently massage the shampoo into his fluffy soft hair.

She heard his voice then, far smaller than it was before. “You don’t have to do this.”

Feeling her eyes close under the blindfold, Asagao only nodded her head in reply. If only he knew how far she’d go for him, how much he meant to her ever since she was a child. This was nothing.

Asagao’s fingers then paused on his scalp before answering honestly. “I know, I want to.”

She then began to hum again, hoping it would distract him from his nerves and allow him to enjoy the gentle feeling of her fingers in his hair. He deserved to feel comforted and safe more than anything else.

And he did, Dazai did feel comfortable with her movements, the soft humming lulling his muscles to sink further in the tub without permission in order to close his eyes and get lost in the moment.

His bare unbandaged skin shivered at her touch, the knot in his stomach still existent and yet not overwhelming as he felt himself drown in the warmth of her very presence.

Why she would ever want to do this was beyond him. He didn’t deserve it. He didn’t deserve to feel this good, to be cared for to this extent, or any extent really.

But even so, his greedy little soul couldn’t help but give into the temptation of it all. How could he not when she was singing so sweetly and touching him like he was the most precious thing in the entire universe?

God, he wanted to stay here forever, to die perfectly between those fingers of hers and drift away from this world entirely. How peaceful would that be, to go in a state of pure bliss like this one?

Yet just as he thought that, her touch disappeared, causing the boy to resist the urge to reach out and desperately plead for it back as he watched her put the bottles back on the shelf.

He then felt his body lift back up to rest on her shirt as Asago quietly took him to Oda’s bedroom in order to carefully lay him on the mattress with just as much fragile care as before.

Reaching into her pocket, Dazai then watched her pull out two rolls of freshly bound bandages in order to show the boy. “Would you like to put them on or do you want me to help?”

The answer should’ve been immediate. Who cares if he was suffering from blood loss, he didn’t need help, he needed to quickly get his bandages back on in order to feel protected again.

Asa helping him would result in her having to touch his skin, and that was a terrifying thought.

Yet if that was the case, why did he instead reach his hand out to grasp her wrist and not the bandages? Why did he squeeze the skin in a silent wordless plea of weakness?

And why did she answer so softly in response? “Of course, love.”

Love. She called him love. She had used his pet name against him again but this time it wasn’t in vain, it wasn’t to mock him or poke fun. No, somehow this time that name held so much more power than it had ever before.

Asagao then slowly began to unwrap the white colored gauze before pushing her hand out towards his vision with a small smile. “Hold out your arms, I’ll be careful. I promise.”

His muscles complied almost instantly, the boy pushing out his scarred and disgusting arms before Asagao carefully covered the sights with the bandages, her fingers still mindful not to touch the skin as she did so.

Her contact still caused him to flinch though, Dazai resisting the urge to pull back as her hands then moved to his face in order to rewrap his eye and then his chest.

He watched her every movement, glued to the sight until everything was finally back in place. Now he could finally breathe behind his constructed walls again. Now he wasn’t so vulnerable.

And it seemed Asagao sensed that as well, her hands moving towards the black tie around her eyes before pulling the fabric away in order for her hollow and distant gaze to finally meet his. “There, that’s better. Hang on, I think Oda had some old shirts in here that you could use..”

Turning around, the girl then pulled open a couple drawers before pulling out a large white and black striped button down shirt, the sight causing Dazai’s eyes to soften immediately. He had seen that piece of fabric a million times before. It was one of Odasaku’s favorites.

Asagao then moved back over to him before carefully helping his fatigued body into the shirt, her fingers fixing up the buttons as Dazai looked down and cataloged the distance between them, which was minuscule at best.

Then once she was done with the top button, she smiled before looking up only to find Osamu staring straight at her, their lips only about a couple inches away from each other.

But like the idiot she was, Asagao didn’t flush at the distance, a stupid smile moving to her lips in order to lean back like absolutely nothing had shaken her.

But did that also mean that Dazai wasn't effect either? Well that was another story entirely.

Humming to herself, Asagao then clapped her hands before turning around in order to face the doorway. “Perfect, now get some rest. Oh, and don’t worry about taking the bed, you need it more than me.”

But as she started to walk away, Dazai felt a sense of panic course through his throat, the delusional and dizzying blood loss of his injuries causing him to confuse reality and fiction.

The similar features, the blinding red hair, the black and white shirt on his body, suddenly it was like seeing Odasaku all over again.

He felt tortured with familiar deja vu, the memory of the man walking away from him, of slipping through his fingers, it scared him more than anything else.

He didn't want her to go, he didn’t want her to end up like Odasaku.

Reaching his hand forward, Dazai’s shaking fingers stopped her hand, a desperation in his throat as he willed the weakness to seep from his lips. “Please don’t go.”

And for a moment Asagao was stunned. She had never heard Osamu plead before, it broke her heart to witness it. To see him so scared and fragile, so desperate to hold onto her.

Immediately turning around, Oda’s sister then moved back up to him before reaching into her pocket in order to pull out Osu’s black port mafia tie again and wrap half of it around the palm of her hand.

Then she leaned down before wrapping the other half around Osamu’s palm, the fabric welcoming against skin before she spoke gently. “ I promise I’ll be right here when you wake up. See? We are connected. I’m not going anywhere, not until you tell me to.”

The connection was enough to relax his shoulders, feeling the tether between his skin as he allowed his eyes to get heavier and sink down into the bed with a sigh of relief.

But even so, he resisted the pull, knowing that he would find Odasaku’s blood between his fingers the moment he closed his eyes completely. No, he didn’t need it. He didn’t need to rest.

His stubbornness was not lost on Asagao though, her expression turning into a sad frown before parting her lips with a small breath. He wasn’t letting himself relax, forcing his body to keep going even though it was physically breaking down before him.

There had to be something she could do to ease his nerves, to allow him to breathe.

Then she recalled the way his body reacted to the sound of her small little tune in the bath, feeling the need to recreate such a reaction again. Except this time, she wanted him to understand her, to verbally showcase the hidden meaning that was there since the beginning.

And that’s when Dazai heard it again, her humming, the sweet sound like a siren song. Except this time it was different, her vague melody turning into words, into feelings he could not comprehend.

~ It’s easy to push me away from you. Easy to say you want to be left on your own, it’s what you have told yourself. Over and over again in darkness, you try to hold back all the thoughts ~

His wandering thoughts couldn’t help but still immediately, soaking each word through his clouded mind in order to push his lips together with a trembling breath of realization. These lyrics, they were a reflection, a mirror of what he could never voice out loud.

But before he could analyze it further, Dazai felt her gentle fingers coast across the top of his hair, barely gliding off the surface and lulling his muscles further into the mattress as a strange state of calm coursed through him.

It was like she knew the kind of effect her moves had on him, the boy completely and utterly entranced by her in every possible way in order to feel his eyes grow heavier and heavier without permission.

~But you know, I just want you as you are, just the you that I see right before me. It’s all that has been on my mind ~

The words he thought he’d never hear, the feelings he knew he didn’t deserve, they gently rested on his chest, coaxing him further and further down to drown in them all together.

And he wanted to, he never wanted to come up for air again if it meant dying to the sound of her absolute adoration.

~Lend me your voice, let me see your face, let me start to show you what I see. Bring me close, let me feel the beat of your heart, the secrets you bury. Lend me your voice~

Yet as the actual lyrics flooded far from his understanding, the feelings remained in order for Dazai’s eyes to finally give into the temptation, the feeling of invisible hands rocking him gently and completely into utter submission.

And for the first time in his life, the port mafia executive, the boy who had never once allowed himself to rest, finally felt free from his self made chains.

Yes, perhaps this was all a dream, perhaps when he woke up he’d be back in the darkness, in the emptiness of his port mafia apartment.

But for now, he allowed himself to indulge in it even so.

He allowed himself to feel safe.

----

Feeling as his heavy lidded eyes forced their way open, Dazai turned his head with a muttered groan before yawning back the tiredness in his throat. He was drowsy, not knowing anything but the soft plush mattress underneath him.

Yet that’s when the boy felt himself freeze, his eyes sharply opening before realization crashed into him almost instantly. He slept? No, there was no way. Dazai didn’t sleep, he hadn’t in months. There was no way he would’ve allowed himself such a thing.

And not only that, as the boy searched his own mind he found no recollection of nightmares. That couldn’t be right either. Everytime he closed his eyes he found Odasaku’s death.

Why was this time different, why didn’t he wake up in a panic attack with his heartbeat in his ears? Why didn’t he hear his own voice scream out and wake himself up? Why had everything instead been, calm?

Not understanding, the boy then frowned before trying to move his hand to his head only to find something wrapped around the surface of his palm. Hold on, what was..

Yet that's when Dazai turned towards the source only for his eyes to widen at the sight of Asagao’s body scrunched up and laying on the floor by him, her arms and head buried on top of the mattress as she slept peacefully beside him.

Her hand was extended out, causing the boy’s heart to skip at the sight of the tethered black tie that connected their two hands together. And although it was just a simple piece of fabric, the implications of it were something that Dazai struggled to comprehend.

She was sleeping so uncomfortably just to stay by his side. Why?

Then all at once, the events of last night flashed in his mind, causing his face to flush in memory. No, that wasn’t a dream? Asagao really saved him last night? She took care of him like that, she touched his bandages.

The knowledge itself brought the boy into a spiral. Damn it, why did he do that? Why did she have to see such a weak and pathetic side of himself? Some self control he had, unraveling before Oda’s sister’s fingers like that.

He had done everything he had promised himself not to do. Those walls that he had tried so hard to keep up between them were destroyed so quickly and cruelly that he couldn't help but wither.

And god, he hated that he loved every bit of it, that his soul hungered for more of her gentle touch and sugar coated words. They reached a part of himself he didn’t even know existed, a part that craved to be taken care of and coddled like a child.

Although the moment his hand moved, the tie connecting them seemed to shake Asa awake as well, her head lulling to the side before realizing that he was lucid. “O-Oh! Osamu. How are you doing, do you need anything, are you okay?”

That was the question, wasn’t it? Was he okay? Because he knew that he wasn’t. The way he was feeling now, the warmth that had spread through his entire body, it wasn’t natural, it wasn’t like him. Fuck, he was so grateful for her that he could hardly breathe, could hardly speak it out into the air.

What was she doing to him, what kind of tricks was she pulling to make him think such dangerous non deserving thoughts?

He then watched her seemingly jump up from the floor in order to flap her arms around like a nervous chicken. “W-Wait, I have to check if you have a fever. I think I saw a thermometer around that first aid kid somewhere. I’ll go get it.”

Yet as he watched her go, Dazai couldn’t help but sense the underlying kindness behind her words. It would’ve been easier to just put her hand to his forehead in order to check for a fever but instead she was going through so many lengths in order to not cross his comfort zone.

No one had ever touched him like that before, after all, he had never allowed it and instead of Asagao ignoring his fear she was respecting it, just like she had done last night by blinding herself with his tie and mindfully avoiding his skin.

She was always so kind, so tender and soft with him, it almost made Dazai want to break apart again right then and there. So much so, he felt his hand reach out without warning in order to latch onto her wrist tightly.

Not understanding, Asagao paused immediately, her body turning back to Osamu only to see him hesitate. The air turned silent and still, causing the girl to step closer in concern.

He wasn’t speaking but there was clearly something on his mind. “Osamu?”

Giving him space to respond, she then felt Osu’s hand pull her back towards him before lifting her wrist upwards with uncertainty, his movements stopping for a second as Asa allowed him to do so.

Then she watched him take in a shaky uneven breath, pushing the palm of her hand up to his forehead as her fingers ghosted over the skin before physically flinching at the touch in order for his hold to tighten on her wrist with clear anxiety.

But even so, Osu didn’t pull away, his hand unmoving in order to finally let go of her wrist as Asa audibly gasped at the meaning.

Could it really be? He was allowing her to touch him. This scared little boy, this trembling hand, they trusted her enough to cross a boundary that was off limits to the entire world. It made her want to cry in realization.

So much so that Asagao complied with the request, the palm of her hand carefully pressing against the bare skin of his forehead in order to feel for a temperature and make sure that he hadn’t gotten a fever from the bullet wound.

Yet the more pressure she applied, the more she heard Osamu sharply breathe, his skin practically quivering at the foreign and vulnerable feeling of human to human contact.

It was minuscule sure, but his strength meant the world to her. Finally, he was attempting to let someone in, to see through his thinly veiled facade, the one he used time and time again.

And for Dazai, the feeling was overwhelming, his entire face burning with self conscious embarrassment in order for the pound of his heartbeat to overtake every one of his senses

He couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t feel anything but the lightheaded sensation from the touch on his skin.

His mind wanted to run, the tenseness of his muscles ever telling. But for some other reason, he couldn’t look away, he couldn’t find the strength to lean back or rip the feeling off no matter how hard he tried.

The boy then felt the light ghost of her touch trickle down, her fingertips descending to his cheek before crandling the surface as his own nerves jumped through his skin.

They were eye level now, Dazai’s brown attentive gaze locking onto her hollow one before a wordless breath passed between them. Then all at once, he felt himself fall into the surface immediately, cataloging the teal undertones in the Odasaku blue.

So pretty, so memorizing. So perfect.

Although that’s when Asagao seemingly snapped out of her trance and the same time as him in order to reel backwards with an embarrassed gasp. Ah, what was she doing?! She got so caught up that she forgot that she wasn’t wearing her glasses right now.

Staring so directly at someone like that, she couldn’t take it anymore.

Ignoring the hot flush on her cheeks, Asa then took another step backwards before unraveling the black tie from her palm absentmindedly with a rushed chuckle. “Anyways, your temperature feels normal. That’s good, I’m glad you’re okay. You really scared me last night. Good thing I found you right in time.”

She then bunched the back fabric in her hands before adding casually. “Although I’m sure you would’ve preferred if Oda had helped you instead..”

It was obvious who he preferred after all, and the only reason he had allowed her to fix him back up was because Odasaku couldn’t do it.

Osu didn’t want her, not really. She was just the only thing there. But either way, Asagao was happy to have helped him at that moment. Even if she wasn’t her brother, the one that Osamu really wanted, she was still grateful that he had granted her such a fragile moment.

Watching her sadly laugh the comment away, Dazai’s mind couldn’t help but return to the cruel statement he had given her all those months before back when he self projected his own insecurities onto her.

It still affected her, he could tell just from the tone of her voice. She looked at herself as so insignificant, so unimportant compared to her big brother but he knew that wasn’t the case.

Because as much as he loved Odasaku, as much as he cherished him with his entire heart, Dazai knew that his friend wouldn’t have acted the way Asagao did last night.

He spoke from experience after all, considering Oda had found him in the same manner all those years ago. But the man never saw through him like Asa did, he never attempted to meet his insecurities and treat him with such gentle hands.

Odasaku’s methods were more practical. He would patch up the boy and then take him out for a drink. He wouldn’t push past his walls or even bother to speak about the boundaries he had put in place.

And that’s where the two siblings differed.

Because while Oda chose to ignore it, Asa could not. It was physically impossible for her to do so, and because of that she had pulled him out of his own self isolating box with careful devotion.

Pushing his lips together in conflict, the boy searched for the words to respond, never having such trouble before. Dazai usually talked at a mile a minute and yet at this moment he seemed at a loss.

So instead, he borrowed from her lips, remembering the overwhelming feeling he felt when she had first said the specific phrase and hoping that it would do the same for her. “I’m glad it was you.”

All at once, Asagao felt herself freeze in pure shock, her eyes widening as she recalled the words instantly. That’s what she had told him right before falling asleep on his shoulder all those months ago.

She told him that when he was insecure about being the subject of Oda’s letters. He thought he wasn’t worthy enough to be a foundation in her life like he had been.

And he was wrong of course. She was happy that he existed, that he was one that she had attached herself to over the years. He was everything to her, and she wanted him to know that.

But hearing him say that to her, hearing Osamu so openly express his thankfulness for her presence, her validation for being something meaningful in his life brought a wave of emotion she couldn't control.

Was he saying what she truly thought he was? He was glad that she saved him? He was glad that she was there last night instead of Oda? No, it couldn’t be. No one wanted her around, no one was glad that she was alive.

She had already come to terms with it, forced herself to not notice the hurt that each rejection brought, and here in Yokohama she thought it would have been the same.

So hearing his desire for her presence caused Asagao her heart to falter immediately.

He was glad that she was here .

Just then, she saw Osamu’s face drop with concern only for her mind to wonder what caused such an expression. Why was he looking at her like that?

Yet that’s when she felt the distant presence of wet realization only for Asagao to push her shaky hands up to her cheeks and find tears descending down her face. Wait, she was crying? She had never allowed herself to do that before.

Immediately gasping at the sight, Asa then blinked back to life before brushing the insecurity from her fingers in order to give an embarrassed laugh under her breath. “S-Sorry, I just thought I’d never hear that.”

Dazai only sat wordless though, his heart twisting in pain at the sight of her strange tears. He didn’t like seeing her like that, it made him feel sick, like something restless had shaken him.

Did she truly believe that? All this time, she thought she would never be meaningful to someone? How absurd. She was a marvel, a rarity that anyone would be lucky to have next to them.

Who wouldn’t have killed to have her fingers massage their scalp like she did for him? Who wouldn't have given up everything in the world to receive just a sliver of the overwhelming adoration and devotion from her?

The whole world had undermined her so unfairly. But Dazai didn’t, he knew how exceptional she was firsthand, down to the deepest depths of her heart.

So much so, the boy felt his eyes drop with realization. It was too late, wasn’t it? He had already lost the game, he had gotten attached. Wholeheartedly, selflessly and completely.

Keeping a distance, stepping away, it didn’t help one bit. In fact, it only made him desire her presence even more, like it was the air he needed to keep on breathing.

What had she done? What a mistake it was, making him cling to her like this.

Didn’t she know he couldn’t let go now?

Pushing his eyes back up to Asagao’s, the boy then called back to her, giving up completely and allowing himself to break the wall between them. “So, what’s for dinner?”

The look on her face was one he would never forgot, a sight to behold indeed

Without even thinking about it, Asagao immediately grabbed onto his metaphorical hand and fell straight into the pit without second thought as her shock filled eyes morphed into giddy excitement.

And though he said nothing else, Asagao knew the hidden meaning behind his question immediately.

He was asking to stay.

-----

(Hope you liked the long update and you made it all the way through. The two parts connect to each other so I guess It's not all bad that I missed an upload here. I'll be better about it though. Also I'm almost at 1k reads on A03. Very excited! Let me know how you feel about the chapter. I love validation just as much as Asa hehe)

Song used in the chapter: "Lend Me Your Voice" from Belle (which is totally Asa and Osu's song in this fic.)

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