#obviouslyconfident

[obviouslyconfident]

Today is the 16th day that my mother has refused to apologize to me for the things she has said to me. But it is also the first 16 days of my life in which I have set boundaries and not given in just because I am being punished with withdrawal of love. I am a little proud of myself.

[obviouslyconfident]

[obviouslyconfident]

Recently my illness has gotten worse, I can no longer walk well. But I have that every winter, so for me it's kind of normal. I've been using my wheelchair for 2 weeks and the day before yesterday I posted a picture of an event I went to in a wheelchair. For me it was a nice picture, of a fun and carefree, although not really pain-free evening.

And all the messages I've received about it were "Is everything OK?" "Are you OK?" "Why are you in a wheelchair?" After a short explanation from me, they just write "Get well soon". People's curiosity is satisfied, it's just my illness.

I hate it when people tell me "get well soon", I'm chronically ill, nothing will change that. Why is that such a stupid phrase that everyone uses, can't you think for a second about the fact that there are people who will never really "get better". For years I have been in a wheelchair every winter, that is my "normal", there is no improvement because there is no cure for my illness, I have exhausted all treatment options. Every time I get a "get well soon" message I write, "that it is meant kindly, but I will not get better" and then there is no reply.

And you know what? Fuck you.

I know it is meant kindly, but it is not. It is just a cliché, a reminder that things are not getting better. That my "normal" is not really "normal", but everyone somehow expects it to get better. If things go badly and my illness continues to spread, then it is possible that I will be in a wheelchair forever. My apartment is not handicapped accessible, I have to be carried to the toilet. My partner has to bring me food because I can't get into the kitchen.

So fuck your "get well soon", it's an insult to me and my partner who goes through hell every day, with extreme pain, non-functioning legs and no real life because I can't leave the house.

Fuck you.

Fuck you for never being interested in me unless it piques your curiosity. You're all fake.

Fuck you

[obviouslyconfident]

Sich für mich zu entscheiden, ist das mutigste was ich je getan habe

[obviouslyconfident]

Ich vermisse, wer du einst warst.

- ObviouslyConfident

[obviouslyconfident]

Look for friends, they said, they will accompany you for a lifetime, they said. Nobody told me that a friendship breakup hurts just as much as a romantic relationship.

- ObviouslyConfident

[obviouslyconfident]

Nicht jede Geschichte hat ein Happy End, manchmal enden sie einfach ohne Grund.

- ObviouslyConfident

[obviouslyconfident]

Es war okey für dich, dass ich gegangen bin. Sonst hättest du versucht Kontakt aufzunehmen.

- ObviouslyConfident

[obviouslyconfident]

Lieber bin ich wirklich alleine, als mich in unserer Freundschaft einsam zu fühlen.

[obviouslyconfident]

Being happy is not a state you are always in, you can't grab it and keep it forever, you can enjoy it and wait for it to visit you again.

- ObviouslyConfident

[obviouslyconfident]

I want to be so close to you that our souls touch

-ObviouslyConfident

[obviouslyconfident]

Ohne dich geht's mir besser.

-ObviouslyConfident

[obviouslyconfident]

Feelings are just visitors, let them come and go.

[obviouslyconfident]

At 25 you will learn that you cannot change your father and you will let go, you will stop trying

The contact with your mother will be different, you will set boundaries and you will be deprived of contact and love in return, as you were used to in the years before.

You will learn that your illness costs you many "friendships", just as many friendships it costs you to talk honestly about the sexual assault that happened to you when you were 18.

You'll find out that your best friend won't do anything to be there for you, not when your parents hurt you again, nor when friends would rather invite the perpetrator of your sexual assault to their wedding than you.

And you will also learn to find a way to deal with it.. sometime..

[obviouslyconfident]

Es ist traurig zu erkennen, dass jemand, den du als Freund betrachtet hast, dich nie wirklich verstanden hat.

- ObviouslyConfident

[obviouslyconfident]

Manche Menschen passen nur in bestimmten Kapiteln unseres Lebens

- ObviouslyConfident