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im-the-punk-who · 4 years ago

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@rnmmarchformeta Day 1: Tonight’s theme is: Themes

Malex and Music: Tracing a relationship through music used in the show - Part 1

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Given that both Michael and Alex have a personal connection to music, I wanted to go over some of the intricacies of what the music choices and lyrics/stories behind the songs used might tell us about Malex. The music choices in Roswell New Mexico are deliberate and often incredibly pointed. Particularly in the case of Michael and Alex there are elements of their relationship that are not so much underlined as written about only in the lyrical choices that play under their scenes. This choice for me made rewatching the series a lot of fun because as I discovered the lyrics to some of the more obscure song choices I kept discovering new intricacies and motivations for each of their decisions. Below the cut for length.

(Author’s note circa 2007: (rawr xD) I’m focusing specifically on the parts of these songs that play over or in direct correlation to scenes where Michael and Alex are both present. I would love to explore this theme in the wider context of the whole show and how their interactions with other characters might change some of these but...this is already like 6k and that’s just how the peas and carrots cooked. That said I will be referencing other characters and relationships as relevant, particularly, I will be talking at some length about Milexa and the airstream scenes in 2x06. I personally have a favorable reading of the scenes and what they mean for Michael and Alex. I also talk briefly about Milexa in a few other spots - they’ve been marked as ‘Milexa’ or ‘Miluca’ if you wish to skip them, although I don’t know if this will make sense as a whole without them. But, should you wish. Proceed accordingly. <3)

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Posted on AO3 here.

Sedona - Houndstooth (1x01)

The first song we hear in relation to Malex is ‘Sedona’ by Houndstooth. The song plays during the reunion as we see Alex confront Michael about the chemicals found around his airstream. The verse that plays underneath the scene references how, due to its scenic beauty, the town of Sedona was once a highly sought after filming location but had fallen into obscurity when cowboy movies went out of style in the late 70′s.

Similarly, Alex tells Michael that he is ‘wasting his life.’

“Does the macho cowboy swagger thing ever get old for you?”

“Did it get old for you?”

For me, this scene is as much an introduction to the past between these two as their present. Gone but not forgotten, their interactions are a ‘script’ that the two of them play off of. In other words, Michael and Alex don’t so much interact as play off of what the other expects from the other. This becomes especially clear when in 2x05 we learn that Alex has at least once before warned Michael about ‘wasting his life.’

When The Truth Hunts You Down - Sam Tinnesz (1x01)

The next scene is this one, in which we see Alex contemplating an old picture of himself. We then see Michael watching him.

Later, the last line is overlaid with Jesse telling Kyle about the existence of aliens.

The truth about Michael’s alienness is quiet literally hunting them, but so is something about Alex’s past. As we get to know him, we learn just how much his father is interconnected with all of the worst moments in his life and everrything he has buried and tried to run from in order to avoid it. Michael, Roswell itself - Alex ran halfway across the world to try to run away from the trauma of his youth, and yet here he is.

“Nostalgia’s a bitch, huh?”

“You know I thought when I got back from Iraq you would be long gone.”

“Is that what you want?”

“We’re not kids anymore. What I want doesn't matter.”

We also find out something of the nature of his and Michael’s relationship and that there are clearly still feelings between them - no matter how much Alex is trying to deny it.

Give Me The Night - Des Rocs (1x02)

This is one of my personal faves from the Malex soundtracks. It just *slaps* okay?

Aside from the obvious nod to Michael’s alienness, this song underscores the divide still between Michael and Alex despite the passionate kiss they shared at the reunion. Michael is initially flirtatious and full of swagger - until Alex shuts him down.

The fallacy of Alex’s rebuke and his dismissal of the feelings behind the kiss are underscored by his refusal to even look Michael in the eye as they talk. Even if he tries to deny them, the truth of his feelings hunts and haunts him because he feels he can never act on his own desires. And in turn when presented with the about face, Michael turns bitter as the push-pull is reinitiated. Michael falls back to the script they’ve been rehashing to save his feelings - ‘puts on a show’ as it were, and Alex falls for it hook, line, and sinker. He is still unwilling or unable to see the truth that lies beneath the surface.

“Isn’t there some law about building on a historical site?”

“A historical - oh you mean because the UFO crashed here? Yeah, we’re not supposed to build on Santa’s workshop either.”

For Michael, who at least to me was obviously hoping things would change this time around, this must feel like a bucket of cold water, especially in the face of Liz Ortecho’s knowledge and seeming easy acceptance of the aliens’ existence. While Max might get his happy ending, Michael is left to keep hiding from the person he loves, never being seen and wondering if Alex’s feelings are even real.

Two Princes - Spin Doctors (1x02) (Miluca)

In rapid fire we have the next three songs as Michael and Alex spend some time at the Wild Pony. This verse plays under the interaction when Alex comes in the bar and spots Michael.

“Though he got kinda hot. In a ‘sex in a truck, smells like a river, never introduce him to your mama’ kind of way.”

“I hadn’t noticed.”

My boy. My child. My bluntest instrument in the tool kit. Has no one ever told Alex Manes that saying you hadn’t noticed an objectively hot guy is hot is basically code for ‘I haven’t stopped staring at him since I walked in and my brain is not functioning at a high enough level to mask that fact’? Son, please, this is a drunk Wendy’s.

(Also this is huge foreshadowing for Miluca - Michael and Maria don’t have sex *in* a truck but it’s pretty close, we find out later that Michael/the aliens smell like rain, and she tells him he’s not meeting her mother at one point. The angle of this shot is also, for me at least, a hint that Michael is going to become the object of these two ‘princes’ affections, at some point.)

Anyway this is basically poking fun at Alex Manes, repressed disaster, for having no clue what love is and trying to express his affection through like, everything except anything anyone would understand as romantic love. (And we will see this in the flashbacks as well as present day - that Alex mostly uses his station or advantages as a way to show the people he loves he loves them, rather than using words. When he offers Michael the shed, brings him the guitar, uses his military connections to find out about Michel’s mom, hacks into Maria’s computer...listen I got more.) But that isn’t enough, as we’re learning. If only there were some way Alex could also learn that lesson.

And seriously, “This one said he wants to buy you rockets?”

How’s It Going To Be? - Stephen Edwards (1x02)

“Is there really nobody in this world that you wouldn’t risk everything to save? Sad.”

Oh Isobel, if only you knew.

So, aside from returning the kiss Michael initiated at the reunion, Alex has soundly rejected every advance Michael has made for a relationship. Despite that Michael seems to have been harboring some hope that things might be different not that Alex is back more permanently. But now with Isobel bringing into question what he’s willing to sacrifice, I think he might be realizing that toll has been extremely steep already.

(Also truly obsessed with how both Alex and Michael have positioned themselves so that they can casually glance over at each other without arousing suspicion. *Boys*. It’s not that complicated what is this middle school?)

We know that Michael doesn’t like having to keep secrets, and again I have to wonder if he’s regretting not telling Alex he’s an alien, or wondering how that conversation would have gone.

From the previous scenes we can tell something in their relationship is coming to a head - maybe Michael is hoping it’s that he can finally stop keeping secrets from Alex and show Alex who he really is - that Alex will stop misreading him. That Alex will change.

But there is also the expectation that if that happens, Alex will likely leave again. Not just because that’s what Alex’s trauma makes him do, but also because that is how Michael frames all of his relationships. As ‘until you leaves’. He is shown to have a habit of catastrophizing because he doesn’t believe himself to ‘belong’ anywhere(HA) and this is one of those times we’re shown that.

Come With Me - Gold Star (1x02)

“Home can be a person.”

And here we have Alex “thinking about who he was” as Maria closes up the bar. Given where this scene leads with him and Michael, I think the rest of the lyrics to the song are incredibly poignant.

Tell me what were you dreaming? Tell me who were you trying to reach? Gimme something real to believe in Or gimme a reason to leave So i left her standing under shining stars in the Silver moonlight by old Borough Hall - whoever you are

We know that after this evening Alex attempts to rekindle his relationship with Michael, still thinking about who he was, and maybe for the first time trying not to run from what he wants. He’ll be unsuccessful this time, but it’s the first clue that Alex is attempting to break a pattern that has held him in place for ten years.

While he may have been misreading Michael’s stunted growth, we’re starting to see Alex contemplate change in himself. This is the start of Alex’s two season long journey to break out of the fortress he’s built around himself. To ‘put his weapons down’ in an effort to be with Michael.

(She lets her guard down on her way back//to close her eyes and fall asleep - “It was late....I was tired.”)

God of Wine - Third Eye Blind

So clearly the writers were like ‘how can we hurt Milo specifically’ because these lyrics are *so good* as we hear malex talk about the way they view their relationship for the first time in the show.

The music starts just as Michael picks up the old photographs, first of the pod squad, then of himself and Alex playing guitars in the desert. As he packs up the airstream to move it off Foster’s Ranch, Michael is also thinking about the past.

Throughout the series, we’re given a bunch of musical lines about how Michael and Alex can’t go back to what they were, that they have to move forward. And it’s true - as we’ll see over and over again the dynamic they’ve had has been incredibly unhealthy for both of them. But they also cannot avoid the other’s orbit. And when Alex comes to talk to Michael it’s the first time we see him actually decide to initiate - to try and take what he himself wants, rather than waiting or hiding from it. But it is also very much Alex falling back into the ‘madness that holds a truth he can’t erase’ of Michael’s really, very, super, incredibly obvious feelings for him. Our boy is not subtle.

But Alex is still hunted by the past - before we know his history we assume that when Alex references ‘who he was before he went to war’ he means Iraq. But Alex’s war is his father. As much as combat can absolutely be a traumatizing experience, for Alex I never really read that as his main source. As he’ll tell Forrest later - “My PTSD triggers are a little more complicated”.

And so when he tells Michael he’s been thinking about who he was “before he went to war” for me that’s more a callback to who he was before Jesse found the two of them in the toolshed. “When this started.”

As Michael tells him “From where I stand nothing’s changed” the words “I know, I know, I know” repeat in the background because WE KNOW. We all know, except Alex.

“And that’s a problem for me, Guerin.”

And the siren’s song that is your madness

“Because every time you look at me, I’m seventeen all over again.”

holds a truth I can’t erase

“- and I forget that the last ten years even happened. And then you look away and I remember all over again. And it almost kills me every time.”

All alone on your face

“I never look away. Not really.”

For Michael this is basically confirmation of what he’s been realizing over the last few days - that Alex has been totally misreading him and that yes, Michael, you’re going to have to use your words on this one.

To which we see Alex’s brain 404-blue-screen for a minute as he realizes what Michael means. Which I personally really appreciate.

And especially since we’ve just learned that a lyric of this song was written on Rosa’s hand the night she died, I can’t believe it’s a coincidence in this being the song that plays underneath this scene - where Alex says he was thinking about who he was before. Everything changed that day for everyone - including Michael and Alex. Michael had gained a terrible secret he couldn’t share, that meant he changed his whole life and started needing to hide and lie and act out, and Alex - not knowing the truth - assumed that it was Michael’s way of trying to push him away and end the relationship. Which leads to the decades long miscommunication of Alex seeing Michael do that over and over again.

For the last ten years, Alex has been seeing Michael as the boy who looks away, then looks back. A Michael whose focus shifts to and away from him and who he sees as wasting his life; directionless and aimless. But as he realizes what Michael is saying he has to recalibrate everything he’s thought their relationship is.

This is possibly the first time Alex has realized that his view of Michael has been wrong. That he really doesn’t know Michael at all.

And we know this interaction has a profound impact on Alex in terms of how he views their relationship. I feel like this is one of those things that becomes a mantra for Alex, later down the line. He repeats it to Michael at Caulfield, and in his song as well, “You never looked away, now I won’t look away” to express his commitment to breaking down the walls he has built up for himself.

Even though we know the relationship is doomed at this point, it’s the first time a stone falls from the walls Alex has built around himself in a decade.

Here - Chance Peña - 1x03 (Alternate title: “Home”)

Okay I would like to petition to make it illegal to have unreleased songs in episodes, Chance Peña help a bitch out. I had to watch a *fish show* to hear the full lyrics because they’re edited in the show! ( I will also note the next lyric is ‘goodbye, my dear’ which. rude.)

Anyway, we’re given these lyrics as Michael wakes up to seeing Alex has stayed the night. I took the editing, with the previous song choices, to be a reaffirmation of this being something new to Alex, but not necessarily to Michael. Michael knows what he wants from a relationship with Alex - even if he’s put the hope aside from time to time the want is always clear.

For Alex though, a relationship with Michael is something that scares him because of his fear that it can be taken away. (”I just thought that I could be happy, and not be afraid that if I loved anything my dad would destroy it.”) He is trying to make it work - “drawing near” to Michael - but he knows that in order to do that he is going to need to be uncomfortable. To face the fears that have held him back and kept him in comfortable limbo for so long.

I’m also going to flail about how, while RNM has the song listed as ‘Here’, the producer of the other show(Battlefish) identified the song as ‘Home’. I hope I don’t have to yell at y’all, other Roswell New Mexico fans, about how often that word has snuck up on me and knifed me in the back regarding malex. Especially since Alex *is* currently - well, here. With his home. Kill me please it would be kinder.

But then of course we see the old insecurities pop up again as Isobel arrives. Even if he is trying - Alex is nowhere near ready to jump out of the closet yet.

Fast Aint Good Enough - Inkwell Echo (1x06)

I debated adding this one because it’s a little bit reachy, but I thought it was significant in that even when they were seventeen, the thing Alex is ‘afraid of’ is his feelings for Michael - not necessarily of being gay but of what people like Kyle and his father do with information like that.

Wish I’d found the words when we were seventeen-

Kyle asks

“What are you so afraid of?”

-just as Alex catches sight of Michael.

(“I wanted to be the kind of person who won battles. It felt good.”)

Aside from Alex’s general need to protect Michael in any and all situations, I feel like the lyrics of this song - about the singer’s attempt to leave an abusive relationship - underscore that even before the toolshed, Alex was fighting. Even before the toolshed, he has been fighting to this cycle he is trapped in.

While he and Michael build their relationship he starts thinking seriously about leaving and not just surviving but he will ultimately choose to trap himself for years in order to hide his love for Michael.

Like so many gay kids, Alex is fighting a system that deems him guilty of sin - and takes his fighting back as a sign of his guilt. And in order to actually be able to love Michael, he is going to have to figure out how to put down the weapons and the hurt and break the cycle.

First Day Of My Life - Bright Eyes (1x06)

Are they serious right now I swear to god.

So obviously, we’ve got the origins for everything we’re told about Michael and Alex’s lives changing based on their feelings for each other in like two and a half verses of song. Forget the entire second season we have everything we need right here.

“It was the first time I liked our hometown, though.”

“Alex made me believe there was a place for me here.”

We know that for both of them this is really a moment of self discovery as much as it is a discovery about each other.

For Michael in particular, who doesn’t know why he’s here or who he really is, and who previously had no plans besides leaving the planet, this is the moment that he realizes what he wants - to be with Alex.

And for Alex, to me, this moment is a brief glimpse into what his life could be like. We don’t have any confirmation if Michael is his first kiss with a boy or not, but we do know that this moment is significant in that it’s the first that makes Roswell feel like a place he enjoys being.

And as he is realizing that, the lyrics echo it -

But I realized that I need you // And I wondered if I could come home

(Screeching from the background: WOULD YOU COME HOME)

But of course, as the song says, these things take forever because...well....

(It’s because Alex is dumb. My poor dumb emotionally stunted child. Please go to therapy.)

In essence, this is the moment that sets Michael and Alex on their entwined path. The path that Alex will have to fight to get back to - the path Michael will lose faith in before he later starts to regain the hope that it exists. I also like to think about the link between the last lines:

Remember the time you drove all night // Just to meet me in the morning?

and the line from ‘Would You Come Home’

Would you meet me in the middle // Could we both stop keeping score?

I like to think about the parallel here, about meeting people where they’re at, and the love and care and effort it takes to be willing to drive all night to meet someone. Listen a bitch is soft and gay don’t look at me.

You Can’t Love Me - Novi & Tyler Blackburn (1x12)

(*Whispers and rocks back and forth* this is fine it’s all fine)

Once again we have a song whose lyrics give us a tailor made road map to Malex, and will pop up later in ‘Would You Come Home’. We’ve already seen the implosion of the way Michael and Alex have been orbiting each other for a decade, but now that Alex knows the truth, he actually has the ability to understand Michael in ways he hasn’t been able to before. (Something we’ll see later in Season 2 when he talks with Maria.)

And because of that, we see the true beginning of the journey of Michael and Alex back to one another in a healthier way.

But part of that journey is going to be realizing that what they’ve been doing and the way they have loved each other in the past isn’t sustainable - and maybe isn’t even the way they want to love each other.

“They’re my family, Alex!”

“Alright, maybe! But you are mine. I don’t look away, Guerin.”

“No. We’ve been holding onto this thing. And it’s gotten us nowhere. Just let it go.”

Even though the words are said in anger, there is some truth to what Michael says. Their relationship so far hasn’t been a good one. Where Alex is trying to repeat the words that Michael said to him that made such an impact on him, Michael is (well, a, trying to save his dumb boyfriend from getting flambayed) using the opportunity to reveal how little faith he has in their relationship. To say that no, this doesn’t feel like love.

But as much as the song lyrics are about loving someone who isn’t good for you, they’re also about changing and growing, and about a commitment to be better.

(Sound familiar? Brb, I’m gonna go jump off a cliff.)

Love is messy, and especially for Michael and Alex, love has always been something that hurts. “Home is where the hurt is” - and a really important part of their journey is realizing that, and realizing there is a different way of loving each other.

Additionally for Alex, this is when he starts to realize the full extent of his family’s involvement in hunting and hurting Michael’s family. It isn’t just his dad - his entire family line has been involved in this since before Alex was born. And still is. This is really where he starts realizing the roots of the guilt and shame he’s going to have to deal with in order to be anything to Michael - not even a partner but a friend.

This is the first step in that journey. Not just the commitment that yes - I want to build a home for you - but that first, I don’t know, maybe I need to put down these weapons and pick up a different set of tools?

ON TO SEASON TWO

#rnmmarchformeta2021 #roswellmarchformeta2021 #rnm meta #Alex/Michael #alex manes #michael guerin #maria deluca #sort of? shes mentioned #1x01 #1x02 #1x03 #all episodes #Day 1 Themes #meta #malex #tw ptsd #tw injury #tw queerbashing #tw flashbacks

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sagasofazeria · 3 years ago

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Since my story is a D&D campaign, if people want to know, I will happily share some of the more game-y stuff behind the characters! (@talesfromaurea & @hellishhin i know you guys were interested! Here you go :D)

As of right now in the story, they’re about level 4! By the end of the campaign though they get to level 15.

Faulkron:

- Dark Elf/Drow Fighter (Champion)

- In a little bit (story-wise), my friend hit a lucky streak and the power of the protagonist™ kicks in. Faulkron gets... terrifying. He’s technically still “just a fighter” but he’s really really good at fighting. Like, scary hyper competent. I mean, he started with almost maxed strength, and it only got better.

- He did a lot of damage, consistently rolled high. Sadly, he doesn’t get better armor than leather for a while, but once he does he really wrecks the enemies’ shit, goes full Stronk™ and really starts just soaking attacks.

- He was a fun character for me to see my friend play because he had no clue about any of the “fighters are boring” things that people say, and so he felt free to just play without worry. He just had fun with him and went for it. He wasn’t the most complicated mechanics-wise, but he still was interesting and had personality, so it worked fine.

- Also, although he is a dark elf, and his parents were from the caverns beneath the earth like usual, he was raised on a small farm on the surface by a human, and so he is very different than many other dark elves, especially if they were raised in the Underdark. His darkvision is a little different due to his eyes having to deal with more light than most dark elves, and though he could do the elvish trance instead of sleeping he usually chooses to sleep instead, because of being raised by a human. (In my world, elves can choose to sleep if they want.)

Fuego:

Halfling Sorcerer/Rogue

- Being from Zul’Zagan, he is equivalent to a Lightfoot halfling

- His subclasses are a bit wonky: Draconic origins for sorcerer (although he doesn’t know it yet), assassin for rogue (eventually. We’re also not quite there in the story yet.)

- Despite what you may expect, does not only have fire spells. It is a near thing, but not quite. The variety increases as he gets higher up.

- He also wanted to do some cool flavor things (which I’m always game for) so his abilities look a little different than standard.

- An example, his sneak attack damage is reflavored to be him heating his weapon. He also wanted his draconic bloodline to be more dormant, so he doesn’t have any of the bodily alterations or know draconic, he’s just very good at fire (as far as he knows). That’s also why he doesn’t know what type of dragon he related to.

- Fuego was big on DPS but low on defense (of course) so he was usually having to be protected by/hidden behind somebody else (Shakari or Jetra most often)

Jetra:

- Human Bard (Valor)

- I would’ve done Lore bard because of her love for finding secrets, save the fact that I wanted her to have learned from both her parents. Her mother was a singer/performer and taught her to sing, and then her father, the Paladin, taught her how to create magic and how to fight. So she mixed that all up and boom, Valor bard.

- Jetra was definitely the most “utility caster” of the group. She had healing, buffs, pretty much something for everything. And a sword, if it came to that. She was easily the most adaptable of the group in and out of combat.

- She also spoke a bunch of languages, including Leinai (the one spoken in Leinos, since she was born there), Common, Celestial, Draconic, and was learning Azerian at the beginning of the campaign.

Shakari:

- Blue Dragonborn Fighter (Eldritch Knight)

- She was yet another Fighter, but she was designed to be more of a mid-range fighter so as not to get steal Faulkron’s spotlight. Since the khopesh could be thrown and summoned back b/c of Eldritch Knight stuff, it worked fine.

- They were very high DPS, especially with their spells/lightning breath, and then they’d finish the enemies off with a good ol’ sword attack (or just to help teammates out).

- At the later levels she takes some more utility spells (since she couldn’t those first few levels because of Eldritch Knight rules), but she’s still mostly damage.

- Also a neat lore note, Eldritch Knight is not called the same thing among her people, but it is a traditional position in the deserts she came from, and some of the other Azerian tribes.

Alejandro:

- Human Fighter (Gladiator*)

- *Gladiator is just a slightly modified version of the Samurai

- Unfortunately, I never had planned on Alejandro being a key NPC, so I had to come up with him over the course of the campaign. Thankfully, he ended up complementing Faulkron’s fighting style well (DEX based as opposed to Faulkron’s STR based build), and they made a really good tag team playing off of each other (once they trusted each other more, of course.)

- He ended up being a pretty formidable fighter in his own right, so he and Faulkron together was truly an intimidating duo. While Faulkron was tanking massive hits and dealing some of his own, Alejandro would run around with his bazillion attacks and chip away at the enemy with his swords.

- I also gave him a high charisma, being the gladiator that he was. But also just. Hot.

•••

Anyways, having three fighters in the group was probably not a great idea in retrospect, but that’s how it ended up. Everyone in the current party has swords and that’s sexy of them, honestly. Another funny note is that they all have decent charisma too, everyone but the main character. Shakari had 13 CHA as a dragonborn, Alejandro had a CHA 14 just as a stat investment (again because Hot), Jetra had 16 because she was a bard obviously, Fuego had a 17 because he was a sorcerer. Faulkron had the lowest at 9. He does end up increasing it over the campaign, it ends up at 16 or something so he’s fine, but for the first part of the story he’s not so good with people.

All in all, they had a good dynamic with lots of potential for ass kicking which they definitely utilized, so who cares? Anyways, just neat stuff.

#not story #d&d things #character stuff #Faulkron Rhodes #Alejandro de la Espada #Jetra Avaki #Shakari #Fuego Tamir

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causeiwanttoandican · 4 years ago

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The Telegraph

How Harry’s very LA relaunch has only just begun

From Prince to campaigner and Silicon valley ‘tech bro’ what wider impact could the Duke of Sussex's new jobs have?

By Camilla Tominey, Associate Editor28 March 2021 • 6:00am

Jobs appear to be like buses for Prince Harry. Wait a lifetime for an opening and two come along at the same time.

The former Royal’s first foray into the corporate world has seen him take up the role of chief impact officer at Silicon Valley coaching firm BetterUp, while also sitting alongside Rupert Murdoch’s daughter-in-law on a commission aiming to fight “misinformation”.

Neither role appears to have required the 36-year-old former Army captain to submit a CV or go through the usual vetting processes as he adds mental health coach and anti-fake news campaigner to his résumé.

Yet in keeping with a new breed of “celebrity responsibility”, which has increasingly seen the rich and famous flex their corporate muscles for the greater good, the highly prominent positions look set to propel the cash-strapped Prince to ever more lucrative heights, as LA’s most sought-after recruit.

Just as when Jennifer Aniston became the ‘chief creative officer’ of a natural supplement range or when David Beckham backed a cannabinoid skincare company, these mutually beneficial ‘ethical’ tie-ups can be worth their weight in publicity gold. And not just for the company that gets their endorsement.

As showbiz agent Jonathan Shalit puts it: “Like corporate responsibility – this is celebrity responsibility. There’s been a shift in people’s mindsets. Two, three years ago the mindset was: ‘What’s in it for me, how can I get paid a shedload of dosh, how can I maximise my income?’ Now people desire to give back and give back support to the community.”

While pointing out that Harry is “above celebrity,” he adds: “Many celebrities are very responsible in trying to use the strength of their platform to help others.”

The announcement of both roles last week certainly played into the idea that this was more than just a money spinner for the Montecito-based ex pat – although there is no doubt all sides are set to benefit financially.

While BetterUp may be carrying out noble work in its offer of “personalised coaching, content and care designed to transform lives and careers” – it all comes at a price.

Having spoken about his struggles with grief following the death of his mother, Diana, Princess of Wales, Harry said of his appointment to the “unicorn” tech firm: “(I) want us to move away from the idea that you have to feel broken before reaching out for help,” insisting he intends to use the job to “create impact in people’s lives”.

The Duke added: “Being attuned with your mind, and having a support structure around you, are critical to finding your own version of peak performance. What I’ve learned in my own life is the power of transforming pain into purpose.”

He said his goal was to “lift up critical dialogues around mental health, build supportive and compassionate communities, and foster an environment for honest and vulnerable conversations” and he hoped to “help people develop their inner strength, resilience and confidence”.

It might strike the cynical as Californian word salad akin to Aniston’s declaration, upon joining Vital Proteins, that: “Collagen is the glue that holds everything together. I’ve always been an advocate for nourishing your wellness from within.”

Yet as Alexi Robichaux, who co-founded BetterUp in 2013, points out, Harry does bring a unique perspective. “He comes from a very different background,” to other executives, he says, adding: “He’s synonymous with this approach of mental fitness and really investing in yourself. It was not a hard internal sale. He will obviously have the whole organisation sprinting to help him.”

Robichaux confirmed Harry was joining the company’s leadership team as an “officer of the corporation”, which suggests it is a paid role, although public relations expert Mark Borkowski thinks it “highly likely” he has been offered equity in the firm, which values itself at $1.73 billion.

“This previously unknown start-up has now got instant recognition,” he says. “I always said that if Harry and Meghan wanted to generate income, they should look to Silicon Valley. Getting eyeballs onto the company like this, with all the competition, is the hardest job in PR – but now the whole world is talking about it. That’s the effect signing up someone like Harry can have.

“If he’s got points in this firm and it goes gangbusters, he could make some serious money.” Borkowski cites the example of shares in Cellular Goods, the synthetic cannabis firm backed by Beckham, shooting up by 310 per cent after it launched on the London Stock Exchange in February following news of the star footballer’s investment.

“This is all about the ongoing narrative, now,” adds Borkowski, referencing the Oprah Winfrey interview in which the Sussexes raised serious concerns about the Royal family’s handling of racism and mental health issues.

“The impact of generating more connections to his brand is an ongoing struggle for him. But by taking that narrative, which is embedded with that interview along with mental health issues, then he can certainly have a credible corporate platform.”

Yet considering some of the discrepancies that have surfaced since the interview aired in the US on March 7, can Harry really be considered a reliable voice when it comes to combating what he has described as the “avalanche of misinformation”?

Critics have been at pains to point out that his appointment to the Aspen Institute’s new Commission on Information Disorder, a six-month project that will examine the “modern-day crisis of faith in key institutions” appears somewhat at odds with the Sussexes’ repeated insistence that they do not look at newspapers, magazines or social media.

Equally awkward is the fact that the Prince will be sitting alongside Kathryn Murdoch, who is married to James Murdoch, the former chairman of News of the World publisher News International, who resigned from his father Rupert Murdoch’s media empire last year.

As with Harry’s decision to appear on CBS, despite the US network once sparking outrage in 2004 for showing a “distasteful” photo of his mother after her fatal Parisian car crash, the move suggests the exiled Murdochs are now considered reformed characters thanks to their new found work on democracy reform and climate change.

As Harry himself put it, information disorder is an issue that demands “a multi-stakeholder response from advocacy voices” including, apparently, the wife of a man who was found by a Parliamentary report in 2012 to have shown “wilful ignorance of the extent of phone hacking” and being “guilty of an astonishing lack of curiosity” over the illegal practice that Harry, William and Kate were all subjected to along with Prince Charles, the Duchess of Cornwall and a string of palace aides.

It is not thought Harry is being paid for his work with the think tank, founded in 1949, which will look at everything from last year’s US election to vaccine safety and marginalised communities.

It is his listing on the Aspen Institute’s website, however, which perhaps provides the biggest clue to the sixth-in-line to the throne’s direction of travel as he settles into life in the US.

Referenced by his full title, Prince Harry, Duke of Sussex, the soon to be father-of-two is described as a “humanitarian, military veteran, mental wellness advocate and environmentalist.”

Despite his blood-born Royal status, Shalit believes this repositioning is actually intended to put him on a par with his high-achieving wife. For unlike her husband, who left school with two A-levels before training at Sandhurst Military Academy, it is Meghan – a Northwestern University graduate with a successful acting career under her belt – who is arguably the more employable of the two, on paper at least. As an American, the pregnant mother-of-one also doesn’t carry the burden of Harry’s complicated visa and tax arrangements, amid confusion over whether he is living and working in the US as a “diplomat” or as a person with so-called “special talents”.

“I’ve met Meghan on a number of occasions and she is a hugely astute woman, very bright, incredibly impressive,” says Shalit

“So for Harry to keep up with his wife, he’s got to find his own name and identity and this is the start. He doesn’t need celebrity. When you’re Royal, you’re the biggest celebrity in the world. But what this does is allow Harry to have relevance.”

When it comes to making an impact, Royal relevance is clearly going to be the jewel in the crown of Harry’s very LA relaunch.

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your-turn-to-role · 5 years ago

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said i was gonna write a meta centered on this conversation and this is where my head's at, so i wanna talk about the fact that vax and gilmore do have a lot more in common than most people realise? (at least more than most people talk about)

(as a disclaimer, this is not a ship war post, i love vaxleth just as much as vaxilmore, but also it's easier to see the reasons why vax and keyleth like each other because they're both player characters and we know them very well, gilmore we see a lot less, so a lot of his character and motivations you have to piece together afterwards. but matt still puts a lot of thought into who gilmore is and why he does what he does, a lot more than we ever see, so there's definitely more to it than the "he's pretty" gilmore likes to tell people)

on the surface, they're very different people, sure. vax doesn't understand shit about magic, magic is all gilmore does, vax wears his heart on his sleeve and if he has a problem you're going to find out about it, gilmore is all about emotional masks and a jovial front as a means of protection, even just in appearance and attire, gilmore's very colourful and deliberately so, while vax's main colours are black and more black. but when it comes to where they came from, how they approach problems, what they find fun and interesting, they're extremely in sync

both have a complicated relationship with their (surviving) parents, never really feeling fully loved by them - vax was entirely neglected and shunned by syldor, and when we meet gilmore's parents, though they're nice on the surface, they also don't believe vox machina about gilmore saving a city, gilmore left home and never came back to visit despite being able to literally teleport there at any time, which says a lot about how tense that relationship has been. related to that, both have biological reasons for being an outcast, vax as a half elf, gilmore as a rune child, two things the book itself say are often shunned in most societies, and definitely things they've both faced consequences for being. (we don't know what those consequences were for gilmore, but, there's a reason he hides it)

they're both rebellious, they both still have a bit of something to prove, they both do their best to live in the moment and get past problems by distancing and refocusing, both would do literally anything for the people they love, and neither will ever leave a person in danger. their chief philosophy is "life is short so take what you want, trust those around you, love recklessly. don't waste time on regrets or wishing for things you can't have". they're both fascinated by magic and drawn by things that are fast paced and unknown and exciting, things are always more interesting when they're fun

in a way it's easy to think of vax as the reckless one of the two of them? because gilmore runs a shop and vax is vax, "runs headfirst into danger with no backup at least once a week" vax, "this bird can fly 480ft a round and there's nothing you can do about it" vax

but this is also "ran in to fight thordak with no backup in case vox machina were in danger" gilmore, "spent well over 1000 gold on a heroes feast because vox machina were hungry and didn't feel like going home" gilmore, and, of course, "pushed vax off a cliff with no warning to show him he has wings because despite the fact that we're still in an awkward post break up phase and despite the fact that less than an hour ago someone who looked like me almost killed him, i know he'll still trust me and this'll be the best way to show him" gilmore

and he was right, because they do understand each other on that level no other character quite reaches. and vax knows it too, and knows him

and this exchange, i think, is one of the most telling of that

just vax's slightly mournful "that guy'll be fast" and gilmore's joking-but-serious "he'd better be", like as much as it's a joke it's also them both acknowledging what worked here and what didn't

anyone who knows vax knows speed's his whole thing. his boots of haste are canonically his favourite possession. the first time caleb used expeditious retreat in campaign two everyone joked that vax was back (though he didn't get nearly close to vax's top flying speed of approximately 55mph). vax thinks on his feet, gets bored easily, hates when things are still.

it's not a trait often praised when it comes to romance tropes? speedy characters are also flighty, moving too fast is a sign of not thinking, even when both partners are that way, any romance they end up in will end with them settling (and slowing) down or it'll end in disaster.

and in a way this falls into the same pattern as well, because obviously things didn't work out for them, but the biggest difference here is that that isn't a bad thing. vax isn't wrong for being vax, and gilmore's the same, and wants the same thing, would be happy with the same thing. (really what doomed this relationship as a romantic endeavour was just luck of the draw, liam's said the only reason vax decided to be with keyleth was the fact that he was around her every day, whereas he only saw gilmore every couple months, so what would have been the same feelings towards both of them had the chance to become a lot stronger for kiki, if their places were reversed he would have been just as happy with gilmore, and obviously gilmore would with him)

(which is why even after everything, they remain friends to the end, and we know they talk sometimes for hours about their lives, because even if they can't have that connection as a romantic one, having someone around that gets them like that is a huge help)

people get up in arms easily about defending vax vs defending gilmore, especially when it comes to the breakup and whether vax acted like an asshole or not. and honestly believe what you want about that, i'm not gonna argue it. but this conversation, they're both telling the whole truth. yes, this was sad, and yes, this hurts, but that's life. they've been through far more painful things for less. and yeah gilmore's gonna move on, because that's in both of their nature, but they both know whoever he's gonna end up with is gonna have those same qualities. maybe another adventurer, maybe not, but someone who sees the tragedy in the world and refuses to let it continue, and someone who sees the excitement in the world and refuses to let it pass them by

and they know no matter what there's still love between them. (they both make it clear, constantly, how much of that there is, far more than either really knows what to do with). and while, ultimately, vax was right in this conversation, it wouldn't be long before they faced a battle he wouldn't walk away from, gilmore was right too, in that life is unpredictable, and all you can do is make the most of every moment in front of you. (and no matter what happens to gilmore after the story ends or wherever and whatever vax is now, they're never gonna forget each other)

#do you ever think about matt on talks confirming that post canon gilmore made a vax inspired line of magic items?#bc i do #constantly #surprising absolutely no one i just really love vax and also gilmore and i wanted to get at least one of my feelings about them down here #cr1 #critical role #cr meta #vax'ildan #shaun gilmore #vaxilmore #text #meta #cr thoughts #vax'ilmore

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suspiriu-m · 4 years ago

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Examining Youth Culture

Youth Culture in television in cinema is a theme we’ve all seen before. In some way or another, we’ve all probably related or even seen ourselves in something we’ve watched. A lot of experiences we see in these coming of age style pieces most of the time have something to do with at least one of three recurring themes. Sex, drugs and alcohol. Character archetypes are also an important part of these stories too. To sum it up, we’re generally confronted with Jocks, Nerds, Goths, Popular Kids, Pot Heads etc.

A major point to take into account when looking at this type of media is the perspective the story is told from, and where it’s taking place. For example, Barry Jenkins’ 2016 film Moonlight, is completely different from 2018’s Love Simon, directed by Greg Berlanti. Moonlight tells the story of a young Black man named Chiron. Through three different time periods in his life, we see him come to terms with his identity and sexuality, all while living with his drug addicted mother in an impoverished neighborhood in Miami. Throughout the film Chiron not only faces the struggles of his sexuality within himself, but how his unaccepting peers react, his mess of a mother, and maneuvering masculinity without the guidance of his missing father. In a review written for The Guardian, Peter Bradshaw says that Moonlight

“is a film about masculinity, the wounds and crises of which are the same for all sexualities, but conditioned by the background weather of race and class” ((Bradshaw Moonlight review – a visually ravishing portrait of masculinity).

Love Simon however, is a completely different ballgame. The juxtaposition between the two films is extremely noticeable, even from just from looking at their promotional images. While Moonlight is more of a serious, realistic and emotionally charged movie, Love Simon has more of a young adult, coming of age, happily ever after tone to it. In the film, the main character has to find his way through growing up, high school, coming out to his friends and family, but most importantly figuring out how Blue is. Blue is the person that Simon has formed a connection with through emailing each other. The only problem? He has absolutely no idea who Blue even is. One of the more important aspects of this film when looking to compare it to others is the fact that the main character and most of the cast are all white. Not only that, but it takes place in a much more suburban setting compared to that of Moonlight. Simon’s relationship with his parents is very strong, his friends are all super close to him and the impression is given that they would obviously support him once he comes out. Surprise, they do.

In terms of which character I related to from the selection of films and shows assigned, I don’t really feel like I can truthfully say that I felt some sort of connection with them. Being gay myself, there wasn’t a crazy amount of representation in terms of queer youth in the films. Yes in Mean Girls you had Damian but he was kind of underutilized and exaggerated. In Euphoria you have Jules who is a trans woman but that also isn’t something that I’ve experienced and won’t pretend to. Could I relate to a few aspects of her character? Of course, i’m sure anybody can. But am I able to say I identify with her? Definitely not. That’s not a bad thing though, trans stories need to be represented in the media. More importantly they don’t always have to be represented in some tragic story or situation. Even though we’ve seen more queer representation today than ever before. We still have a long way to go. Rachel Bays wrote an article for The Advance-Titan stating

“Out of 109 major studio releases in 2017 researched by GLAAD, roughly 13% had LGBTQ characters. Of these films, about 64% featured gay men, 36% featured lesbians, 14% featured bisexuals and 0% featured trans-inclusive content”(Bays The complicated history of queer representation in film: The Advance).

It’s imperative that we see more queer representation mashed with Youth Culture in our media because not every single person experiences the same thing, especially queer kids. In terms of Kids, Saved By The Bell and Mid 90’s, I don’t specifically remember any particular moments in which I personally felt any sort of strong connection.

Now, if we’re gonna speak about common themes in a lot of these stories, then here is where I can say I definitely connected with some situations more than specific characters. Sex, drugs and alcohol are topics we see come up in a lot of coming of age or youth centered stories. In Kids, the main cast is basically parading around the city smoking, drinking and fornicating multiple times throughout the entire day. In Euphoria, one of the main characters Rue suffers from drug addiction. Kat comes to terms with her sexual awakening and a lot of her storyline is focused on her coming in touch with that side of her, whether or not it was the best way to portray it. And most of the other characters are all seen smoking, drinking out having sex at some point in the series.

Growing up, especially in our teen years, we’ve all had the opportunity to partake in at least one of those activities previously mentioned. I know for a fact that I have definitely been to parties, drank alcohol, smoked weed. I’ve encountered hookups and the whole nine yards. Something that really stood out to me in Euphoria was the episode in which Jules ends up meeting with an older man in a hotel room late at night. We shall not name the character for sake of spoilers but those of you who watched know exactly who i’m talking about. That entire scene was just gut wrenching for me to watch and I know it was for many other young queer people as well. Everything about that scene was purposefully uncomfortable to watch from the cinematography, music, acting and the location.

Speaking of music, the soundtrack to a film or TV show is super important and a lot of the time helps the creators in getting their point across. Euphoria specifically used a lot of modern music but also threw in some classics as well. The singer-songwriter Labrinth played a big role in adding music to the show’s soundtrack. He even collaborated with Zendaya in making All For Us, the show’s theme and closing track. It was premiered in the last episode of the series and incorporated into the storyline with a performance by Zendaya herself. This song specifically is so important aside from the rest of the show’s music because it aids in showing Rue’s downfall at the end of the season. She goes through so much in her recovery and relapsing and her relationship with Jules that when Jules finally decides to hop on that train and leave even though Rue tells her it’s not the best idea, it absolutely crushed her. In an interview for Rolling Stone magazine, Labrinth stated “When you look back to your teenage days... it feels semi-magical but semi-crazy and semi-psychotic. I wanted to make sure the music felt like those things”(Marks How Labrinth Created the Perfect Soundtrack for HBO's 'Euphoria').

To help convey how certain songs can help in telling a story, I created a short playlist with songs that I felt matched certain plot points in the show. Without going into too much detail in an attempt to avoid spoilers, I want to give you guys a short explanation of each song about how I feel it can fit into the show. In no exact order, the first song I chose was Regulars by Allie X. The song is about trying to fit in with society and the people around you when you feel out of place all the time. Personally, I feel like this is a good representation of Rue when she comes home from rehab and has to try and blend back into society knowing that everybody knows where she was. Halsey’s Beautiful Stranger is about meeting somebody after being hurt so many times, or just being in a bad headspace and finally feeling like this person could be the one. This is a good explanation for how Rue feels about Jules when she first meets her. She’s hesitant but slowly starts to fall in love with her before Jules starts acting out. Contaminated by Banks is a piece about loving somebody but having their history or the other person's actions make you feel not so good about the relationship you have with them. This is how Rue feels after her first little fallout with Jules. They kind of have an on and off relationship throughout the season and Rue subconsciously has doubts. Simmer by Hayley Williams is a song about suppression. Suppressing your emotions, especially the bad ones like anger, fear, sadness, rage. Nate in the series suffers with a lot of mental suppression. He suppresses his feelings about his relationship with his father, his questioning sexuality, his feelings for a specific character. Although he does lose his cool multiple times throughout the show, it’s not until the end of the season that he really bursts and lets everything out. Another song from Hayley Williams with her band Paramore called Fake Happy is also on the playlist. Fake Happy, to put it simply, is exactly what the title suggests. Pretending to be okay when you’re really not. In the show Rue relapses a few times whether that be big or small, and she has to hide it from her friends and family.

Maddy and Cassie are both the pretty popular girls of this show, leading me to choose Rina Sawayama’s XS as a representation of them. The title XS, otherwise interpreted as “excess” is literally about money, appearance and materialistic items. All of which Cassie and Maddy display throughout the show. The popular cheerleaders with the nice clothes and toned bodies, the pretty makeup and done up hair. It’s a perfect representation of their characters in my opinion. Even though they do have storylines going deeper into their minds, this is what they portray on the surface level.

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Hallucinogenics by Matt Masson is a song about going somewhere else most likely due to drugs, and feeling like a different person. Although the song is a bit lighthearted in terms of sound, I think it fits with the scene with Jules and Rue taking drugs together and tripping in her room together. Rue was wary about doing it especially after the fact that she just got clean, and she already has this war in her mind going on but she does it anyways because she likes Jules. Attack of Panic by Aly & Aj heavily focuses on anxiety, which is something Rue deals with multiple times throughout the show. Especially the episode when she’s in school and pretty much has a mental breakdown and runs to the bathroom and hides. Even though the character Kat isn’t the primary focus of the show, her storyline has a bit of line shined upon it multiple times. For her storyline i chose Doja Cat’s Cyber Sex. Kat becomes a cam girl at one point in her sexual awakening and kind of goes full throttle into it. The song talks about having sexual relations with somebody over the internet and that’s exactly what Kat does, except she sees it more as a way to make an income.

Last but not least, I of course had to choose Labrinth and Zendaya’s song made for the show All for Us. The song represents Rue’s feelings of not wanting to let her family down, knowing the struggles and pain they have gone through and not wanting to upset or disappoint them again. Everything she’s done to get clean and sober up has been because of them. She loves her family so dearly but in the end she just broke down again, all because of Jules and the mess that she got herself involved with pertaining to many of the other characters she meets throughout the show. I hope you guys enjoy the playlist and take a good listen to the lyrics and themes in each song! They might not be perfect, but to me they have a lot of commonalities with themes and specific moments and themes from the show!

https://music.apple.com/us/playlist/playlist-for-euphoria/pl.u-AGAaiylr2l

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#Youtube

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liquidstar · 5 years ago

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You know, I talk A LOT about “heirship” as a theme with my OCs, but never fully broke it down. And…... I want to!!! Fuck it! No one asked, but I’m going to anyway. Maybe for my own indulgence, but hopefully this will interest at least a couple of people! Note: I’m gonna say “heirship” a lot, it’s gonna start sounding like a fake word, and honestly in this context it’s more of an abstract concept. Also this is going to be long so I’m sticking it under the cut.

First of all, what is heirship? In the story it boils down to becoming what you are expected to become or live up to, but it’s different for every person. The topic of being an heir is a neutral thing, it can be both a positive and toxic aspect of a characters life, but mostly the latter. Aspiring to be something or someone you look up to is not an inherently bad thing, and it’s a good motivator and pure cause. However there are ways in which that can be twisted, when heirship is forced onto you in one way or another. It becomes suffocating, toxic, and even abusive at times. When you’re forced (Sometimes by yourself) into a roll regardless of what you want (or think you want) heirship becomes a prison, and no one is really free from this. From being an heir. It’s the most prominent theme and motif in the story, and there’s a reason so many of the characters are literally heirs to thrones or companies. So I’m going to dive into what exactly each of my main characters are “heirs” to, but I do want to note that this affects EVERY character in the story, every single one of them in one way or another (Some more than others) so if you ever wanted to know about a specific one feel free to ask me!

Amary is the main character, so it’s obviously the most fitting for her to be THE heir, the heir to the entire kingdom, she’s it. Amary is a princess, she was designed to have the most frilly “princess” design I could give her without looking to snooty. Her literal heirship is in becoming a queen, that’s what a princess does! But her mother is dead, and she left behind a life for Amary to follow in the footsteps in, always wondering if this is what people would want out of her mother. On the other hand though, her “prison” of heirship is one defined by traditional femininity, one where she’s expected to be a perfect princess and a perfect puppet, submissive and quiet and always listening to what the king says.

Rue is a bit hard to get into because a lot of her deal isn’t explicitly revealed to other characters until later on. She’s the mysterious goth type, what’re you gonna do? But I still can say that her mother is a big reason she is who she is, in a weird sort of reverse-heirship. One where she denounces everything and rebels, one where she wants to be NOTHING like what she’s supposed to be, so she becomes the exact opposite in a sense. And in trying so hard to be free of this concept, she re-traps herself in it through her own expectations. Her own fears become a self-fulfilling prophecy, because rather than being her true self she just became the opposite of what was expected. In a way… It ends up being the same thing.

Aloe is a good example of heirship, a healthy example. He idolizes his mother, he looks up to her and wants to be like her, and she encourages his goals and helps him no matter what they are. There’s really not all that much to say on that, it’s pretty cut and dry! But I wouldn’t say it’s PERFECT, because he still does struggle with placing a certain ideal of what he should be onto himself, which can sometimes make him feel like he’s not living up to what he should be. He’s got time though, he’ll be ok.

Sorrel, on the other hand, is an example of extremely toxic and abusive heirship. One where he’s forced into a roll and has to abide by what he should be strictly, or he’s going to get in trouble, and trouble in this case is more than just a time-out. His father’s abuse of him and his siblings is to mold them into perfect wizards to carry on the family legacy, perfect heirs required to do whatever he says. This affected all four of them in different ways, but that’s another post for another time.

Carnation’s sense of heirship is self-imposed, but still toxic. She has to be the perfect smart girl, because she’s always been, but also because she knows that’s what her mother could have been if she didn’t have her. Carnation has complicated feelings about her mother that I should also probably get into in another post. But the bottom line is she feels like she has to justify her own existence by being perfect, or she feels worthless. She doesn’t understand that at a surface level though, consciously she only knows she has to be smart and perfect because that’s what she should be. Never less than 100%.

Pine’s heirship is COMPLETELY self-imposed, not relent on any parental figure in the slightest, but still perpetuated by them. They’ve always been gifted and talented and an amazing inventor, they’re praised for being a technical wonder-child! So obviously this lead into “Gifted Child Syndrome” where by highschool they’ve completely shut down in almost all categories outside of inventing stuff. Their grades suffer, they don’t eat well, they BARELY get any sleep, all because they started to slip on what they were expected to be.

Geran is the heir to the sea region, there’s the obvious literal heirship angle to him but that also feeds back into his metaphorical heirship, one where he’s expected to play out a certain role of masculinity and strength. His idea of strength is one directly tied to emotions, where he has to stay stoic, but that’s not really true to who he is, even in his design the water drops in his eyes are meant to look like tear drops. It’s just a roll he felt he had to take on, as an heir, he just has to be “strong”. Him and Amary were always intended to be inverses of each other in this way, even with a subplot where they’re supposed to be fake-engaged, as a literal performance. You know, like how they’re performing heterosexuality, all the time, always. It’s all fake, that’s not who they are, that’s not who he is.

Fennel has a more unique type of heirship, one not related to a parent’s or his own expectations of himself, but a younger sibling. Fennel’s little brother looked up to him a lot, what little sibling doesn’t? He was his brother’s hero! Notice the past tense though? His brother died while they were still young, and it wasn’t even all that long ago for him. Fennel feels like he’s obligated to live up to that perception of himself through his little brothers eyes, it’s really why he wanted to be a wizard to support his family, of all things. Wizards are heroes after all.

Protea is another example of healthy heirship, and like Aloe’s, hers is a lot simpler. Her moms own a potion shop together, it’s a cute little shop where she grew up and even worked at as a kid (Not WORK work though, it was like chores), and Protea loves her moms a lot and wants to take over the shop one day. She was like their student, learned all the potion making she could from them! It’s fully her choice to do this, she always looked up at them as an example of a happy life, and she wants that too. The downside is waiting to get there though, sometimes that can be so hard.

Daisy’s form of heirship goes beyond parental figures, she aims to be her village’s new wizard. But she not only has to live up to the old one, she needs to surpass him. The old village wizard was unable to protect them against a monster and died trying, the village needs someone stronger to protect them. Daisy wants to do this because she never wants anyone to ever live through a tragedy like that again. She also has an interesting arc when it comes to heirship, one about progressing from childhood to motherhood because of the symbolism associated with daisies. (I don’t mean literal motherhood, she’s still only 18 by the end and I don’t plan to tackle teen pregnancy with her, for clarification). In her village she was seen as the babysitter for all the children post-monster attack while everyone was rebuilding, even though she was still so young, it’s another reason she feels like village wizard is a position for her.

Gallica and Musk are twins, but Musk was the prodigy, he was the perfect boy when it comes to academics, he always got so much praise for being so successful and gifted. Meanwhile Gallica was lacking in those categories, though she excelled socially and creatively. Their parents always made sure to reward them both for the things they were good at, but they were also busy, and sometimes it would seem unbalanced. For Musk that meant he clung to his sister even harder, but for Gallica it meant envying her brother. Though she doesn’t recognize it at first, she sits on those feelings for a while. Musk feels a lot of pressure to fit into that heirship possession, but Gallica just wants to feel like she’s the favorite, she wants to be that heir without knowing what that really means.

Maggie is similar to Gallica, she’s an heir to the forest region, but she isn’t the heir apparent. That title goes to her older sister, while Maggie is left as the second in line. In life she’s always compared to the “real” heir, always made out to be second best. She just can’t measure up, but instead of wishing for that position, she gave up. The pain of being “second best” never really went away for her, but she doesn’t want to be the heir, she just wants to be herself. That’s even represented in her design, the rest of her family is green (Like her mother, currently in charge of that region), but she’s yellow (Like her father, who chose his own path that just happened to be marrying into it).

Tam is a bit unique given that what they have to look up to is… dragons. However, it's actually a very healthy example of heirship, because her dragon family took them in when they were a baby, and treated them just like all the other dragons. In a since Tam is an heir to them because their dragon-mom was their leader, but that doesn’t mean they don’t doubt themselves. And it doesn’t mean they don’t sometimes feel like an outsider when it comes to humans AND dragons. But they can do it, they’re just as dragon as the rest of them and they all know it, no need to be nervous.

Holly was a doll to her parents. When I say that I don’t mean she was sweet to them, I mean they treated her like a doll. It’s not that they didn’t love her, but they were important people that needed to make an important impression, that means using their kid for it. You know, dragging her to big parties, dressing her up all cute (whether she wants to dress that way or not) and forcing her to sit still and behave and act cute. This sort of lead into her needing attention from people to feel validation. Not to mention she’s also literally an heir to their company. But after everything, does she really want that job? Or does she just want approval? Probably the latter, but it’s okay because eventually she’ll be able to live for herself.

Hyacinth’s love for books and reading is because of bedtime stories their mom would read to them when they were little, and although you can say their mother is the source of this heirship, she isn’t the focus of it. No, what Hyacinth looks up to and wants to become is the classic adventurer storybook hero. That’s all they want to be, they want to be like someone from a book. Someone confident, strong, brave, and… Not at all like they are now. They don’t like themselves much. Mostly because they can’t live up to their own ideal, a fictional ideal made up in their own escapist world. This is represented in their magic too, transformation magic. They literally become other people. One day though, being themselves will make them happier than anything.

Aster is last, I was gonna do just the main students but I felt like I should mention at least one adult, and she’s the main one after all! Aster was her adoptive father’s protege, he taught her everything she knows. She went down the same path he did, becoming a student, then a wizard, then a knight, and eventually a teacher and surrogate mother figure, but she chose it because she wanted to. She may have gone down the same path but she made it her own, and her dad is proud of her for it because he’s an incredibly doting moron. However Aster’s path was still influenced by Ambrosia, and vice versa.

ANYWAY I rush-wrote this all at 7AM with no sleep on impulse so... I’m sorry if there are typos and it’s not the best written but I just wanted to ramble about my own OCs so... :)

#i use ... so many ... ellipsis (and parenthesizes) im so sorry #finn's ocs #this is longe . im sorry abt that too #but its not like im making anyone read it i just wanted to post it #so its ok :)#thank you all for indulging/tolerating my senseless rambling OC regardless tho <3 #im so tired its almost 9am now im gonna sleep soon.#but i wanna wait a bit after posting this. u kno. even if ppl just skim it a bit i wanna see if any hashtag reviews come in LOL #by that i just mean comments or tags or something btw i dont expect ppl to write full reviews of this LOL i just like peer validation

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nonbinarysasquatch · 6 years ago

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I’m in Love

As I mentioned in my very first review, when I was a child I imagined myself in TV shows (or movies or musicals etc.) I’ve always had a very active imagination that I kept to myself for a long time (really until I was 30 and started writing fanfic.) It’s a big part of why I relate to Rebecca. It’s not the only reason but it’s certainly a big part.

What’s interesting about this finale is that it is as surprising as it is completely predictable. That Rebecca would realise she loves music isn’t surprising but that it wasn’t really about musical theater per se is surprising. I mean maybe it is still about musical theater but that’s not a future we are privy to. That can only exist in our imaginations.

That Rebecca doesn’t pick any of the guys is obviously not remotely surprising. It would’ve been surprising if she had. But the specific ways it went down were surprising and that they tipped their hats a little to Greg is surprising. But more on that later…

The final six words were a surprise but they are a surprise that makes perfect sense. We were all thinking “This is what happy feels like” but that’s too surface level. It’s telling not showing.

It’s not just that musical theater was a bit of a red herring but in a way music is too. The music only matters in as much it is who Rebecca is on the inside. The entire show has been about identity and it’s been staring us in the face the entire time. The show is called Crazy Ex-Girlfriend and from the beginning it’s been not only exploring that concept but has seen Rebecca endlessly trying on different identities, always struggling because she was never allowing herself to be herself.

When Paula tells Rebecca to just be herself back in episode 2.04, she reacts with revulsion. “Who would want to be that?” The identity she’s most comfortable with is the one she’s kept hidden. It never occurred to her to actually bring that out until Paula finally asks her why she stares off sometimes. Presumably all of her friends have noticed this from time to time (we can assume Rebecca has imagined far, far more songs that we as viewers have ever seen) and none of them have stopped to ask what was up. Maybe they just accepted it as a Rebecca quirk.

Where does Rebecca go next? I can envision countless futures for her. I like the idea that maybe she writes enough songs to go on a bit of a tour. It’s kind of a mess but she has Heather and Valencia with her (Paula is busy) to keep her company.

Maybe she takes things further. Maybe she tries to write a musical. Maybe she moves back to New York. I’m sure I’ll write fanfic someday but for now I really don’t know where I see her going.

The other characters…

Paula: Paula took a stand and it was great. She’s come so far. I was a bit nervous they might force her to quit her job but I’m glad it didn’t go that way.

Heather/Hector: Hot tub. They got the best ending if I’m being honest.

Valencia: Valencia proposed in a very Valencia way. I sort of question why they ever had her move to New York since narratively it ultimately didn’t matter. I think there are a lot of missed opportunities with Valencia but those aren’t really the fault of this episode in particular.

Josh: I’m so glad the magic thread got picked up again. I was really excited when it got brought up again in 4.08. For the record: I hated the idea of him becoming a model and I’m disappointed the fandom was repeating that over and over as if it was somehow the only piece of information anyone retained about Josh (he’s hot!) But the show gave him a good ending. Incidentally, Josh was the only one of the three guys who made an effort to date people other than Rebecca this season.

Nathaniel: Nathaniel got as good an ending as one could want. He quits the law firm and moves to friggin Guatemala to be a lawyer for an animal sanctuary (it’s not a zoo. Theoretically, sanctuaries can be more ethical… or they can be worse.) I was surprised that he both 1. Seemed to most assume he was going to win but 2. Actually handled the rejection the best.

Greg: Honestly, Greg’s ending came a few episodes back with the Serrano’s soft open. While Rebecca didn’t end up with anyone they did clearly tip their hats a little to Greg. He got the full explanation of what happened. He also told Rebecca he wouldn’t wait for her but a year later he was still single. I still kinda feel bad for Greg. After 3 years he can’t get over her. Or maybe he has? It’s hard to say. My thoughts on Greg since he’s been brought back are complicated and I’m sure I’ll make a separate post going over that. I think Skylar did a good job and the writing was generally good. Do I think it worked? Not fully. Do I think it served the purpose Rachel and Aline wanted? Probably.

WhiJo: WHAT ON EARTH. Who knew WhiJo would get the dark ending? I mean I guess it could be darker but he’s the only character that kind of suffers a minor tragedy. Perhaps this is his karmic price for the role he played as an agent of chaos at the end. In a funny sort of way, WhiJo was the final villain. On the other hand, things with Greg, Josh and Nathaniel were about to spin out of control anyway. Perhaps he just gave that chaos a more manageable form. Either way, not the role I would’ve ever expected for him back in season one.

Darryl: Darryl’s ending is cute. I think it’s interesting how little drama there was in the couples who work out. April and Beth are mostly blank slates. Neither of them define their partners. Darryl Whitefeather is probably the best handled bisexual character I’ve ever seen. They managed to avoid all of the bad tropes for the most part. And it’s surprisingly rare to see a male bi character have relationships with men and women over the course of a show. Traditionally bi male characters just end up with dudes and end up being bi in name only. Or they just flirt a lot or had sex with women in the past. But Darryl was handled pretty naturally. I don’t think all of the show’s handling of queer characters was perfect (though given the crap that’s out there, eh, I’ll take it) but Darryl was solid.

Jason: He was sure in this episode. Actually, I’m gonna derail my Jason comment to talk about the fact that Jim was in the final lineup. I think in Jim’s mind he and Rebecca really have had a ton of tension for years. Who knows maybe they date for a while. I kind of hope Rebecca does a lot of dating.

AJ: AJ was one of the best things about this season. He wasn’t a super engrossing character or anything but Clark was always a delight. I’m sad we didn’t get to see more of their roommate banter because I bet it was amusing. Also: Rebecca pays AJ and he pays her back in rent? I mean, I guess but there’s something funny about that. She can’t legally take it out of his wages, to be fair.

The Songs:

Eleven O’Clock: Does what it needed to. It’s a good selection of songs. For once, most of my thoughts on it are tied into my thoughts on the episode.

West Covina (Final Reprise): THE FEELS.

And that’s that. It’s both a very different and very simple finale. In a good series finale, you’ve already done the work so that when you get to the finale it’s the only place left to go. I think they mostly pulled that off. When evaluating the show in retrospect there will be a lot of ways to do it. It was more successful at some things than others. This is far from the last things I will have to say about this show.

Just remember: Romantic love is not an ending.

#crazy ex girlfriend #i'm in love #ruminations on the shows many qualities and strengths and weaknesses will come #for now I just want to bask in the glow #of what was essentially a pretty perfect finale

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yawmanzo · 6 years ago

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Yaws Personal Reflection on Touka Kirishima

I'd like to start of with this quote by Touka in the novels.

“What the hell do you know? It's all because I can't eat, because I could become a target at any time, all because I'm a ghoul! No matter how much I try, there's a wall I can never jump over, and there's happiness I can never have. But I'm still hanging on to life. Despite it all”

Followed by this from part 1.

And of course this from Yomo.

As you can see there’s a pattern, and if I wanted to I could indulge you with a fuckton more Touka quotes/panels to further exemplify these, but I digress because I ramble too much and words alone aren’t enough to truly encapsulate everything in its entirety😒.

Alrighty then, let’s get this long rambling journey started! I dub thee:

“Strength in weakness and Weakness in strength”

What makes Touka such an interesting character for me in terms of her writing is that there’s a lot of nuances to her that make her so fascinating to read. Because of these elements, I feel as though leads to a general misconception/misunderstanding of her character in favor of either completely overlooking or simply dismissing them and marking them as purely simplistic and well… not important/uninteresting. I for one believe that there lies a profound complex simplicity and simple complexity of sorts to a lot of these nuances that can be very easy to miss, but are of crucial note to consider, most especially the subtleties to her growth in :re alongside many important thematic elements of the story, other characters and herself.

Adjacent with this is her own personality, decisiveness , selflessness and immense sheer mental fortitude in the face of adversity; living while losing things, moving forward with the little they have, in the hopes of gaining as little or as much as they can towards a peaceful world where such a thing is virtually taboo for ghouls and humans trapped in the bird cage.

Additionally is her journey being the opposite to Kaneki, wherein he became more ghoul like than human in pursuit of strength (since human is normally denoted as weak). Meanwhile Touka underwent an opposite journey in which she became more human like than ghoul, and there’s a fine dichotomy/conflict for balance between the two that we see with the tribulations faced in the story. In other words strength in weakness (Ghoul- human) and weakness in strength (Human-ghoul) and the various connotations.

Moreover is the conflict she herself feels as a ghoul in viewing herself as a monster, thus wanting to be more human,

even when others view her in a different light in conjunction with the earlier harsh actions she would make for the sake of her survival and of others.

We even see how she saves Kaneki numerous times when she didn't really have any obligation to do so in the beginning after considering his own plight in the world as a half ghoul with no place to belong to via Yoshimuras explanation. It’s due to her caring nature that on the surface comes off as very “hard” due to the exterior she puts up as a result of the life she’s lived.

Special mention to when he almost ate Hide after fighting Nishki in his starving state and her stepping in,

thus saving the both of them, something that made Hide very grateful towards her for. (And Hide being hype wing man since chapter 1)

And although her threatening to kill Hide and Kimi in relation to their human relations with Kaneki and Nishki comes across as very cruel, its also due to the volatile position that they have in human society as ghouls for security and safety.

For all intents of purposes, their safety takes preference, and we see how this does change in her being able to trust them with their secret, because it’s a risky one that could lead to them losing everything.

Which as we know, that level of trust didn't exactly work out too well for her and Ayato as little kids that forced them to fend for themselves in the world.

There are several instances where she does come across as real vicious and as Kaneki says “scary”, but also very caring in her own way during many stages of part 1 when he needed someone the most in the world, which is something he remains eternally grateful to her for in his life. She provided that foundation for him in the ghoul world.

As Uta mentions, she's continuously walking a very tight rope between both worlds and there's a constant struggle faced with everything that she deals with in which she simply cannot afford even the tiniest of slips.

What Touka has wanted from the beginning is a chance at a normal peaceful life, away from the violent lifestyle she was forced into as a ghoul, and all the battles and killings she has had to partake in.

Her envy for the life that humans live, her hatred for herself in being a ghoul yet longing for peace and understanding between both species are ones that continuously drive her character forward. ([x]- @encase great explanation of this!)

It’s always been the characters of a set case between her and Kaneki as stated earlier. Kaneki a former human was forced into the ghoul world yet was already living a violent and miserable human lifestyle. While Touka lived a harsh ghoul life which initially had somewhat of a human like upbringing with Arata and Ayato, before that life was lost. There's also her curiosity in wanting to learn more and be a part of the human world. (@wishes-upon-dreams has lots of good novel shots!)

These are two symbolic thematic attributes of Tokyo Ghoul between these two alone, and all the complications that come with it.

Another worthy line from her in the novels is wherein she and Kaneki make human food for Touka to give to her friend Yoriko after a misunderstanding they had.

Touka remarks on Kaneki attempting to taste the food whilst being aware that he's no longer a full human anymore. Kaneki admits that in the moment that fact was lost on him due to how the food looked and of course him wistfully remembering being able to eat and taste all these types of foods. She comments on which scenario is worse between the two: one who's lost an ability, or one who never had the ability to begin with.

“Who has it worse- someone who was never equipped with a function, or someone who had it and lost it?”

AKA Kaneki losing his ability to eat human food, and Touka never having the ability to eat human food.

Well at least her pregnancy later on gave that nice little cake development parallel.

So... a lot tend to dismiss her as too weak or bland of a character, or how her relationship with Kaneki stripped away her own “independent” character. In other words, her role of importance got reduced. Which… yeah there were times that her appearances got sidelined and so forth in us not seeing her as much. But I'll mention that briefly later with regards to Ishidas writing style with some of his characters.

Firstly, with the “independence” part… a characters relations they have with others doesn’t make them weak that goes concurrently with their very own distinct development. (obviously depending on the circumstances mind you and how its established)

In fact the narrative in TG shows how taking things up solely alone leads to more suffering and increased burden that ultimately comes crashing down towards said character without the bonds they form with others. (Eg Kanekis main flaw that Touka opposes with selfish V selfless that she explicitly exposes him for in part 1 with the bridge scene) Note that there are semblances that both invoke and affect each with in a complementary/similar yet opposing way that I've talked about before in the Touken reflection.

Kaneki takes everyone's burdens by himself in order to protect them, but he's not really the selfless martyr he thinks he is. They never asked for his protection, in fact they want to help and be with him, but he's terrified of losing them, thus opting to shoulder all their burdens. He pushed them away and avoided them in order to protect them, AKA Hide and Touka. In doing so it hurts both sides immensely in not being able to really save the other.

Touka can not only see a bit of Arata and Ayato (soldier of Aogiri) in Kaneki with regards to the whole pursuit of power and strength by waging war and advancing violence to protect, but also a bit of herself in some her own actions done to protect those she cares about that they themselves did not ask for. She hits the nail right on the coffin with him because she knows how he is, because she has that affect on him.

This is seen in the novels to an extent with her fighting off students that made fun of Yoriko. Yoriko mentioned that she didn't want Touka to do that for her even though it hurt her. The situation simply just made her more sad, along with Yorikos own lack of self worth in feeling like she was a burden to Touka.

When Touka partakes in her revenge against Mado and the doves for killing Ryouko in order to protect Hinami

a similar thing happens (which wasn't all violence as seen by her trying to give misinformation to the CCG and stir attention away from them).

Hinami laments that she never wanted revenge, but was rather just sad. In both instances Touka doesn't understand why her protecting them through those means was wrong at first, but we see how it affects her in each case with regards to the feelings of those she cares about.

Touka mentions Ayatos reluctance in not wanting to learn more about human society and wanting to safely protect him when it's the same human society that led to their parents demise and one that is systematically established to kill them . After all, humans are just food to them as ghouls, and ghouls are monsters to them right?

With these genuinely selfless actions and ideals, she realized how they pushed the people she cared about. Actually it's quite sad how Touka is always getting abandoned by those she cares about in her life, such as Hikari,Arata,Ayato,Kaneki, Hinami, Yoshimura, Irimi, Koma, Yoriko etc etc. Obviously each of these throughout her life have different factors to them through her own actions and those of others that led to being left alone and or tragically losing them.

Along with this is generally her struggle in communicating/expressing her true feelings towards others through words alone which can often lead to ironic misunderstandings in the moment that she regrets many times.

(which is a trait she shares with Yomo and Ayato).

“I'm really bad at sorting out my feelings, and although I try to put up a good front, I'm incredibly immature, and I hate that about myself”-Touka

Man the novels really are such gems with extra insight to her character. In essence you can show how she does have good intentions. She really doesn't want to lose more of her loved ones and be alone, unless it involves letting go in certain situations and considerations.

I’m not necessarily justifying her relapse in actions here, but you can see just how pissed off she got with Kanekis tragic heroism vendetta

,that and well the man straight up lied about not leaving her alone. (thanks Hide for the chin tip).

Yes Kaneki does genuinely want to “protect” his loved ones,

but he's doing it all wrong in never even considering their own feelings in regard to his whole quest and them being unable to help him, hence being selfish and not wanting to be alone himself. As we see, it’s something he eventually realizes due to Touka’s effect on him.

(which is another thing that both share, fear of being alone that they express differently yet similarly) Cool how the whole rabbit motif is used to exemplify this too, since they can die from loneliness due to the strong relationship bonds they form.

Doing everything alone is a constant no no in TG. Cough Kenny boy, rely on your loved ones, they love you. Though we see how and why he and many others in the story become that way with the whole “you're weak and lack of ability” perception for power and strength. It’s very understandable for many of these characters and it’s quite profound with the many layers to it aside from just the physical that at times come across as very contradictory. “Weakness in strength and strength in weakness”

Tangent, but this also goes in conjunction with Uries development in overcoming that very same flaw he had himself to where he realized it faster than Kaneki did.

And of course the whole point of the dragon arc to show that people, in other words everyone (ghouls and humans) HAVING to rely on each other to combat a common threat and achieve coexistence when needed to even with the flawed prejudiced nature of the human world towards ghoul kind.

Anyways, back to Touka chan.

I really do not believe Touka to be a “weak” character. In fact she’s very strong in her own way since there’s many different types of “strength” and complexities to many of these characters. One who’s strength does not solely rely on her physical abilities or quick thinking/hard work (I mean hell she caught up to years of school at a late age almost gearing up to go to Kamii university which is for proper smart students whilst working at Ainteku). And of course her curiosity on learning more about the world with regards to humans and ghouls that she later instilled in a rather practical sentimental manner as an “advisory” figure.

Ya’ll remember when she was basically hood AF in the streets with that underground ghoul dialect?

By the way holy hell she can speak two languages, that's pretty dope. Except for those skills in Japanese literature... lol that’s just a Rip😂

Point being there are many different testaments of complexity and strength she possess as her own character away from just “the physical”.

Growth

Touka’s character matures and grows a lot in :re becoming more passive, cool headed and wiser as the manager of :re. Like when I first read :re bruh, I was always like “woah this is Touka now? Damn she's changed so much” (and got more thicc)

even with some of her distinct traits still being there… Like her blunt and direct 0 fucks teasing sass, I love me some sass. She definitely lived up to Aintekus legacy and then some with Yoshimuras influence.

She valued the importance of peacekeeping as manager of :re, and its implied that her, Yomo and Nishki performed those roles, similar to how Yoshimura did with the bits of informants they had from others as well.

She became not just more empathetic but generally more sympathetic to an extent, understanding and kind towards others most especially those that wronged her, those she cares about and those she herself has hurt in the past. We see this time and time again.

Few examples include her giving Shinohara the flowers

tying into her forgiveness arc with Arata, the violent CCG perpetual cycle in general, and also got tied in with Juuzou

which got referenced as a point of contention for their characters during their encounter underground.

We see this with Shuu and her explanation for why cafe :re exists as an homage to Ainteku for humans and for ghouls to feel safe in (the spiritual home of coexistence) , as well as a place for Kaneki to return home to, as Yoshimura once wished for with Eto.

Touka prioritizes his well being and happiness over hers, even with the flawed situation wherein they both care about Kaneki in their own way and have differing viewpoints.

Shuu admits to Touka that she’s right in him being an egotist, alongside seeing her point of view when he fights Haise.

Touka also admits that she understands where Shuu is coming from, because she does desire for Kaneki to be with them.

Both parties raise valid points in their own way since they do genuinely care, however the difference in intent further shows that selfless nature of Touka in waiting for Kaneki to come back when HE needs to, not by forcing him when Haise had the whole Haise/Kaneki memory personality conflict that he needed to resolve himself that we see in the Rosewald and Cochlea arcs.

It’s also interesting to note how Kaneki in part 1 distanced himself to protect her from the ghoul world whilst being aware that she as a ghoul can never truly live with just being solely in the human world and the dangers that it possesses in it’s own right towards ghouls.

In :re she means for him not be brought back into the ghoul world due to his suffering in it for so long in order to protect his well being and happiness.

Yet the human world he lives in the CCG is also categorized by violence, suffering and conflict that Haise/Kaneki gets further thrown into. Plus we see how Shuu himself feels about that world due to what happened with his own family in their battle against CCG and Kaneki/Haise being a ghoul investigator. Both cases show how genuine and flawed these motives are, yet also painting the feelings they have in caring for the other in their own distinct ways that's not as straightforward black and white. “Selfish V Selfless”

She forgives her brother Ayato because she understood him to an extent with his faults (not that she ever harbored hatred for him in the first place because she loves him).

Touka sees why he did the things he did because. He wanted to become stronger in Aogiri and protect her, even though he hurt her, as Kaneki exposed to him in their fight. Cue 103 god damn bones.

“Does it hurt? I think Touka chan experienced more pain than that”- Kaneki

Yeah nah... That’s just tough😂 Later on we see how Ayato took this to heart by taking on the Black Rabbit persona in order to lure CCG investigators away from Touka, thus clearing her tracks.

With this she goes to assure him with sincerity in directing him in the right path moving forward despite everything, thus mending their complicated sibling relationship in their own Tsundere Kirishima way.

She gives Kaneki his will to live through her loyal love, influence and support spanning years and years of waiting with the undying faith she possesses towards those she cares about and to him. Not that she had to herself anyway since Kaneki always held her on such a high level of importance in his life throughout the whole story with ALL his personalities and their whole evolutionary dynamic as a whole.

That's another thing about her, that fierce faith is truly special despite the instances it isn’t rewarded.

I mean when this man was on the verge of losing everything and giving in on his plan to die in style, the thought of her and everyone else dying kept him going along with the Hide inner monologue during the Arima fight.

“It may not be stylish, but live”

She allows Goat and the lost ghouls (including the Aogiri children) to use cafe :re as their safety hideout away from CCG, that has CCG members themselves (AKA 0 squad). Once again reinforcing that spiritual home of coexistence.

Side note- another cool tidbit is seeing Toukas natural maternal instincts with children, something we saw bits of with Hinami and Ayato in part 1 as well as the novels.

Her taking care of the ghoul children with Hinami and reading to them were always super adorable to see in also foreshadowing her as a mother and just generally a very kind caring person which she's always been at heart.

Next big demonstration of her growth we see is the convo with Amon in which they both come to a mutual understanding of the circumstances that forced their actions in such a cruel world of kill or be killed.

alongside her offering advice to him about going to see Akira in relation to her feelings about Kaneki.

Then there’s the Akira convo with Hinami: which remains one of my favorites indications of how much she’s developed from part 1 (also because of how similar Touka and Akira are in many ways... I love em). Chapter 120 was one of the first major steps towards seeing how these characters can break the human/ghoul violent perpetual cycle with general empathy and even sympathy to an extent as difficult as it may be. To instill hope into their world, where all they knew was hopeless continuous bloodshed.

Being able to confront Akira directly with what happened, not being focused on continuing the cycle of revenge.

Going on to showcase some semblance of being able to relate with her own experiences and of their fathers in painting the cruel intricate nature of both sides in regards to the actions they take- be it survival, revenge, power to protect, or all the above. Thus slowly shifting Akira’s ingrained beliefs and perspective to it’s core.

It's interesting how Ishida mentioned inspiration from a war documentary applied in the reconciliation between Akira and Hinami , and Touka was the one that initiated that through her development and teachings from others and her own life experiences.

(Shout to Sen for the translations! @kenkamishiro)

Mind you this was a VERY complicated and tough situation wherein those wounds aren’t somehow magically healed between them, but at the very least the continuous cycle of vengeance was subverted in order to move forward.

She's often seen as a very forgiving person towards others in :re, too forgiving at times actually, which is one of her biggest strengths and weaknesses. Or that she doesn't “fight hard” enough and let's go too easily. But one can also see why she's like that, mainly due to the priorities she sets and well… she ain't got time to dwell on things like revenge, war and violence anymore even if it's completely warranted and justified. She's seen and experienced first hand what that does to herself and others time and time again. She knows the script and prioritizes moving forward away from that, even if it hurts her and them having to constantly pick and choose in the process.

As long as a situation of conflict can be resolved in any way, they'll continue to live and survive in the world. Mental fortitude is a big strength of hers when it comes to pressing forward in the face of adversity.

It’s even more notable to notice this development when looking back at the violent, angsty and tragic harsh life she lived as a ghoul with Ayato from childhood towards their teens years. After all it's a kill or be killed world, one where the strong take from the weak, and the weak are the ones that perish.

That and how viciously she lashed out at others, herself and the world through violence and rage due to that bloody ghoul lifestyle. The hard harsh exterior, soft kind interior continuously interchanged, intertwined and crossed several thresholds.

Highkey nice heavy parallel to Hikari and Arata though. As Yomo mentioned, Hikari used to be quite savage back when she was younger until she calmed down later on in life with her family, and where Arata was a really kind pacifist type ghoul, her death led to him later becoming a “monster” out of revenge that resulting in his downfall. In many ways also applying to both Touka and Kaneki with their own unique divergences. And of course the parallels between Ayato and Yomo in regards to their respective pursuits for strength and revenge.

“The world is power, let’s use power to decide who’s superior. Careless idiot. You are weak. So you lose. Just like father.”- Ayato

“Who is the strongest? I fucking am”- Kaneki

“...I want to become strong”- Yomo

“I also need to get stronger”- Touka

“Strength in weakness and weakness in strength”

“Strength” and “power” as a whole is extremely intricate, with all the different types of it in its many variations/forms that come with their own respective advantages and disadvantages.

So many of these different attributes and aspects we see to be something that many characters in the story come to admire from Touka as a person, a ghoul , sister, friend, wife and manager of :re/ fellow leader of GOAT along with Kaneki and right hand man Shuu.

Sure Ishida could have definitely utilized and actually showcased more scenes with her doing things in which we could see a lot of this development/moments onscreen, especially the first half of :re (as a matter of fact I’d be on the first train to destination MORE TOUKA STUFF AND WRITING EMPHASIS PLEASE)

But one can also deduce the salient impact of her smaller scale actions/motivations that attribute to the plot, many characters and the very essence of the story thematically and even that of her character. A phrase I always use to describe that belief is “Yo Touka is doing bits” which basically means how those moments may seem really minuscule at first, but are actually very meaningful.

This also includes her evolving personality from part 1 as a consequence of the melancholic and painful stoic adverse nature of the world that genuinely did affect her for many years on end. There’s also kind of parallel with her really. Second half of part 1 Touka scenes weren’t as much in favor of Kaneki and other characters development, but they were very impactful in their own moments, in contrast to the first half of :re with a similar sentiment.

Plus I mean well, one can see how much Ishida struggled with writing his main cast of characters in :re with part 1 characters and side characters with some getting more development/ specific writing priority over others in different fashions alongside MANY plot points and concepts. That and yes several plot points and character interactions with her did get dropped in the story/didn't get as much development on screen as they should have, which mind you isn't just exclusive to her character alone like in the case of several others. One little missed opportunity is the Yoriko reunion that didn't happen on screen which was really unfortunate as that would have been so emotional to see for them both, (and me since I kept waiting for it)

But at least she saw her wedding with Bujin to make sure she was ok

and them reuniting offscreen during the end time skip was good. Ichika loving aunty Yorikos bread and Mucchans apples is a blessing, so thank goodness for that.

And yes there's a lot of other stuff that could be mentioned as well that would have been great to see onscreen, but eh what can you do.

While many favor her character in part 1, which is fair because my god she was fire AF🔥

it’s also important to notice all the subtle factors that led to her personality and growth shifting the way it did from a teenager to young adult whilst still maintaining her distinct “Touka” traits (then again I love her in everything so😅). That’s the whole point of it, to show how people change in life, what would be the point if she remained the exact same as part 1 in terms of writing?

Again, different strokes for different folks, but I personally appreciate both depictions and find them very fascinating in their own rights especially with their flaws that continuously kept me glued to her character even with the discrepancies in screen time.

In other words, I find her journey very interesting to read and interpret, particularly since there’s a lot of writing cues to her in favor of being designated in deciphering rather than explicitly stated in all lines of text and dialogue. Perhaps that’s the main issue with some aside from the whole her not being shown as much? The fact that a lot of the writing is nuanced in several ways and not as right in your face with text panels/ inner monologues and inner character thoughts emphasized and fleshed out? Either way, those visual cues/elements of show don’t tell and at times “less equals more” being implemented in the story are ones that always make me so passionate about her character. To ascertain her thoughts, feelings, actions and motivations when the narrative doesn’t state it as right in your face but rather deduced through the already established notions and elements that are set/keep getting set.

I have no idea if I’m making sense😑

But yeah that’s how I see it. Like something as simple as her just not saying anything, or words being omitted in favor of emphasis being placed on subtle visual representation in a panel just makes me want to always see more of her and decipher her thoughts without her even having to state all of them outwardly. This conveyance without the need of many words (which don’t get me wrong would be greatly appreciated in many instances!) doesn’t really hinder her as boring to me, rather very intriguing, but again each to their own you know?

Continuing on her desire to be with those she loves and not be alone, in other words to gain as much as she can with the little available while losing things. She told Ayato the same sentiment which can ESPECIALLY be meant for Kaneki too.

“Rely on others for a change”

An aspect of her strength stems from her ability and strong personality in which she carries herself when all the odds are against her, and when she herself is very limited to what she can achieve by herself alone in the world, yet continues to fight either way. In other words… she’s realistic in seeing the world as it is with all ones flawed strengths and weaknesses in the face of the tribulations they face and the choices they must make for better or for worse, positive and negative. It also shows the priorities she places in fighting reactively, in other words when she HAS to or in regards to those she cares about where she would rather avoid using violence to solve conflicts in :re unless pressed to do so in response to something or when pressed.

Eg. Saving Shuu from CCG investigators that were on his ass.

The Kirishima family and Banjou squad Cochlea fights to save Hinami thanks to Kaneki’s aid.

Versus the Arima squad members

Sneaky sister save as mask 33.

and versus Arima himself (which honestly that's just a Rip for the whole family).

Being aided by Eto to push on forwards.

Fighting off Special class Kyoko Aura, Mougan and other CCG members with the other ghouls namely Yomo, Banjou, his squad and Hinami when they themselves were already fatigued. And of course protecting Ayato

showcasing her emerging two wings with that based Hikari Yomo lightning ⚡⚡

Later combining forces with Kaneki and 0 squad to escape.

Then there's her fight against Mutsuki that endangered not just her and Kanekis lives, but led to the destruction of :re. The whole shit underground wherein they got attacked whilst already starved and with little resources, forcing retaliation to survive.

And of course operation save Kenny and Tokyo with dragon. (Title drop)

That doesn’t necessarily make her “weak”, or one who doesn't do much fighting because she's a damsel, particularly when she’s PREGNANT from 128 to the 170s. She fights only when pushed to do so.

Again in 123-124 she held her own against Mutsuki (who’s very strong) when her cafe got destroyed by the oggai and kept her cool, suppressing her emotions when taunted with Yorikos fake “fate” in an attempt to get her all triggered (once more showing her development in :re as part 1 Touka would have definitely lashed out in justified rage)

We see she's clearly hurt by this in 124 despite her trying desperately to subvert that fact and not showcase that much emotion when Kaneki asks if she's ok. She's obviously not as another home/dream of hers got crushed, and its conveyed so effectively yet subdued without her even saying much via her vulnerable posture and her switching the subject to Hide in order to deal with her own feelings about Yoriko, but also that of how Kaneki felt about both Hide and Touka in this painful situation.

Both distanced themselves from their friends in order to protect them, yet yearned desperately to see them. Kaneki did the same with Touka and Hide, Touka did the same with Yoriko and Haise/Kaneki, and as was revealed via talking about Hide- was something he couldn't do anything about. Because if he thought about it, he'd just be consumed by the desire to see them again. Cue Akon “Lonely, I'm mister lonely” and them rooting like rabbits.

You can see how without even saying anything through her facial expressions how Touka feels,

She’s able to connect everything in regards to how they mutually feel the same about this with their friends and their own feelings for each other. Both were terrified of the other dying.

Which of course led to them finally being able to close that gap of loneliness and pain in which they made love and consummated their relationship.

Despite all the fuckery of the world around them, all the war that they were in, for just one moment they were finally able to experience happiness in the darkness that both had craved for so long with each other, and it speaks volumes to one of the most important and emotionally resonate symbolic messages of the series. Breaking the barrier between both worlds.

Ghoul-Human

Hell speaking about the unplanned pregnancy, let’s go back to the human esc journey. The narrative has explicitly explained the dangers of human food consumption for ghouls since the very beginning.

In her fight with Ayato, it’s clear how this type of lifestyle has considerably weakened her full ghoul potential in reference to her one Ukaku wing

and lack of that cold ghoul intensity she used to have as Shuu states.

As mentioned before, Ayato finds her wanting to be part of human society (that denotes weakness) to be idiotic and dangerous due to what happened with their parents and Arata’s upbringing.

Leading his pursuit for ghoul strength and hatred towards humans in Aogiri (which does change through his own development later on)

Yomo also criticized this during their training via her eating Yorikos food to fit in so much at school (novels and part 1)

and the Itori talk to Kaneki about the failures of ghoul-human hybrids which also gets referenced later with the flawed half humans.

Later we see Touka ask Kaneki about how Eto was kept alive with Yoshimura a ghoul father and Ukina a human mother. The difference of course is the reverse in the situation for a ghoul mother.

And of course Mutsuki’s taunting during their second big fight where Touka was at a clear disadvantage.

SHE KNOWS human food is bad for her body due to its weakening effect. It's been a reoccurring thing for her ever since her upbringing with Arata and what influenced her curiosity in wanting to understand humans and the world they live in. Simultaneously it’s almost like she herself is fighting against that known fact and still trying desperately to fit into some kind of normal human esc style of life as a ghoul when she knows she realistically can't.

To be able to enjoy things like cake, burgers and so forth when her ghoul body prohibits this. After all as ghouls they have no choice but to eat humans. Kaneki himself is even baffled by the lengths she would go just to uphold Yorikos feelings over her own. I mean she could easily just lie and not eat the food at all right?

And yet she still goes the extra mile to not only protect Yorikos feelings whilst endangering herself because she cares so much, but also fight against the notion of her being a ghoul to an almost foolish extent.

It’s why the whole “don’t die, push through me, live” as she’s forcing herself to eat human food to try save her unborn child Ichika is so powerful in contrast to the strong will by Ukina (a human) who actually can digest and cannibalize human meat for her hybrid child Eto.

For a ghoul to eat human food, is essentially like hell, and if she didn't, her body would naturally consume the foetus, furthermore adding to the perception of her being a monster by taking her own child's life. Her chance at becoming a mother and starting a family would be lost. That's why she’s willing to do anything to give her child even the faintest 1% chance of survival, regardless of how it may hurt and weaken her or how slim the possibilities of success are. [x- great commentary by @mamasaiko and @lilacflamesss !)

That’s why her becoming pregnant didn’t hinder her character to me, it restricted her full potential absolutely, but it also presented the opportunity to put her into extremely constrained dangerous scenarios wherein her immense fortitude and willpower would be tested to its limits with regards to her ability to always make choices, for better or for worse. Again it’s that strength we see numerous characters admire from her. The hybrid pregnancy is something that should be a very positive thing and very well is as with the whole hope and symbolic aspect of the series for some semblance of light in the darkness.

It presented the main core message of coexistence in breaking away from the tragic cycle that several characters looked towards, yet it was also one due to situation/wrong timing that added more struggles and tribulations to be faced. THAT’S THE CONFLICTING DILEMMA that was so damn enthralling and stressful AF to bear witness to!

Her being able to make tough choices time and time again whether she likes them or not. The underground alone had her being forced to lead the ghouls (including children) out of danger and leave her loved ones in order to protect herself, her unborn child and the lives of those ghouls. From Yomo,

to 0 squad,

to Hinami all in quick succession… SHE DOESN’T WANT to leave her loved ones, she hates doing that with them having to protect her and being abandoned. But in the situation it’s something she HAS to do by trusting them with that faith. In fact we see in her situation with Hinami how desperately she tries to aid her even with her weakened condition by getting all pissed off.

It was only when Hinami told her to go protect the children did she finally make that choice.

We don't even see her clouded facial expression or her thoughts, their blocked, which further adds the front she's trying so hard to put in order to remain strong and keep going even though we know it's absolutely killing her inside. She tries to reach out Hinami, but she knows she can't waste more time in hesitating with her decision given the situation, because if she did… well they'd all get fucked.

It's also quite poignant to note the arcs of both here. Hinami herself is still by all means a child of sorts, or rather a young adult protecting her older sister figure, as Touka did for her in part 1 and the novels.

Hinami's character development is one for strength and self worth, and it was depicted very beautifully yet sad with her monologue about her own perceived weakness she expressed to Ayato and how she viewed Touka and Kaneki in being a burden to them, hence seeking strength by joining Aogiri.

Hinami was able to fight side by side with Touka in her weakened condition, both watching each others backs.

Which is something that makes Touka proud in how much Hinami has grown, yet it also adds to the whole “living while losing things” in that situation in trusting her strength against such volatile odds in order to press forwards with her own survival, that of her unborn child and that of the other helpless ghouls when she hates doing so but has to do so. Like Ryouko did for Hinami.

Special mention is Hinamis admiration for her stemming all the way from the beginning “strong, delicate, beautiful”. You did wonderfully in becoming all that and more with your development too Hina👏

When she sees Yorikos letter, SHE WANTS TO SAVE HER and you can see how shocked and pained she is her just by her facial expression

but given Goats very volatile position and Kaneki “dying” at the time, she simply can’t as it would jeopardize their whole organization, and thus she chooses her family, Kaneki and their child when Kaneki himself struggles with his own indecisiveness that could have truly been a trap to lure them into action not based on fortified assurance.

This is another instance Kaneki greatly admires in contrast to his flaw in being indecisive and choosing.

The circumstance itself places this cruel obligation on her to make those choices, but she makes them either way because she has to, otherwise as we’ve seen in TG, failure in making a choice leads to more tragedy. Shit even MAKING choice or choosing not to MAKE a choice can still very well result in that. She COULD have very well elected to save Yoriko, similar to how they went to save Hinami in cochlea (with Ayato, Yomo and Banjou squad) or save Kaneki when he get got captured by Aogiri

in contrast to how she elected to save Kaneki in the dragon arc (joining forces with CCG and the ghouls). These are all separate choices due to different circumstances and considerations that she makes within those emotional situations, and I love the little line in 148 that she says to Nishki.

“What should I do?”

She contemplates all the factors and elements available in making a choice. Can they with just the ghouls save Kaneki and Tokyo at large? How do they do that in the first place with the limited resources they have? All she’s known is loss, so... should they just carry on living with that for their own survival when Tokyo is in danger? [x]

Like… there's a lot of unspoken suffering that she was going through in that whole arc alone. Her very own husband and father of their child who called her a monster in the beginning,

became one himself in order to protect them and see her again by devouring most of Tokyo consisting of humans, ghouls and children when they were all on the brink…

That's tough... and really fucked up. But given the pushed situation (that sure could have been subverted prior), a choice had to be made once again in which they'd face the consequences either way.

Whilst I’ve said that a defining trait of hers is that decisiveness and ability to choose, she herself always contemplates her choices and the consequences thereof even when they are purely emotionally driven. Should I do this? Should I do that? What if I had done this? What if I had done that? In fact that’s the thing about TG in general with MANY characters. As a matter of fact it applies to the whole cast in general really.

The choices they make, and how it’s not always about whether they are “right” or “wrong” but about how they’re made and how one continues pushing forward from said choice. “Forever choosing, forever being chosen”

And of course the dilemma between one's desire for even the tiniest semblance of happiness opposed to the tough predicament they face and all the outcomes that results from it that prohibit such.

“Why do things have to be like this?”

Her breakdown at the end of part 1 added greatly to that during the Ainteku raid where they lost everything. She wanted to go help everyone, she didn't want to lose them, yet Yomo stopped her because they had to choose not to in order for them to keep on living with Yoshimura, Irimi and Komas sacrifice, otherwise it would have all been for naught. “Live while losing things”

Kaneki chose to go fight in order to aid/protect everyone because he was tired of not being able to do anything anymore. As a result, it led to his subsequent “death” and tragedy (with the exception of buying time for Irima and Koma v Arima)

In fact he ponders what if he had chosen to stay away and gone with Touka and Yomo. Perhaps he'd have been able to work with them in the new cafe?

Perhaps if Touka and Yomo went to fight with Kaneki they'd make a difference? Perhaps if Kaneki didn't go all alone in 143 of :re the situation may have played out differently in contrast to how Furuta exposed him?

The answer is yes, no, maybe, maybe not. No one knows, and it's easy to continuously contemplate every single possibility and theoretical outcome. All that matters is how they have to make those tough choices and live with them, no matter the cost.

Also the fact that we only rarely see her true vulnerable, insecure and visible emotions other then when she's like... angry or something is another trait I find very interesting. Because when we do, it’s impactful and hits home just how much she tends to internalize within herself. In other words, the front she puts on. Her always suppressing her emotions with that strong mental fortitude speaks volumes of the struggles she continuously undergoes internally and externally.

That emotional breakdown was just building bruh.

The fact that we don’t have to be told exactly what she’s thinking or how she’s feeling, but are rather shown how she’s trying to hold herself together even with her face either turned away from the reader or her turning her back in several panel illustrations denotes so many melancholic elements to be interpreted within the story.

Another side note- some are actually quite funny and aesthetically appealing to me. She just looks so tired/bored and like... done with everything with those half lidded eyes that convey so much (Idk I just relate heavy AF with that😂)

Hence always looking for those subtle details in her character that add so many layers. Ooo also the times when we get to see both her eyes (true feelings), that's super cool.

Relying on the strength of others is not weak in wanting to help protect them. I mean nothing is wrong at all in wanting to become stronger by yourself for the sake of others, but going completely solo and shouldering all those burdens with just one's own strength is completely detrimental to the highest degree.

In fact her fighting with that pregnant condition when she shouldn’t have and being able to fend for herself before said condition along with her Ukaku stamina issues, stress, lack of sleep and starving inevitably prohibited her full potential is in itself also inspiring. Like dude wtf she's out here fighting with all those disadvantaged restrictions that endanger her? That's badass. Being faced with the predicament of WHAT TO DO versus WHAT ONE CAN DO with limited means. And yet with all that, she still dug Kaneki from dragon by herself after fending off Mutsuki

and the dragon clones

with the timely aid of Urie, Saiko. Even Mutsuki, the one she fought prior and tried to reach out to peacefully given the dire situation and not their own personal differences.

Symbolically the wife of Kaneki, and children of Haise Sasaki came together to save him in that instance with the foreshadowing of the Qs and dragon.

Touka was key to the dragon arc in general. That was the point of the whole arc, further showing the fruits of her development as well, combining strength with others, both humans and ghouls. All elements needed each other to succeed. There’s a reason Hide went out to look for Touka in the ghoul camp.

Not to mention how crucially important these two are throughout the narrative in reference to the fool's journey namely the Magician (Hide) and the High Priestess (Touka) to the fool (Kaneki)

“The Magician and High Priestess are absolutely equal in importance and value. Each is necessary for balance” [x]

He himself was extremely vital in gathering all the different sides and information for the pieces to be in place such as Marude, Urie, Kimi with the CCG, recruiting Amon and Akira, and of course Touka with the ghouls.

Touka leading the ghouls there after being ignited by Shuus emotional fire speech

and all the assurance to combine their strength and efforts with the CCG was a true indication of that. Great stuff by all 3 Aces (Touka, Hide, Shuu) right there. [nice catch! @kanekikenunot]

Touka coming up with the ring idea was of extreme importance, in fact it was the very idea that kick started the whole operation in the first place!

Beforehand was her translating the underground ghoul dialect thanks to Ayatos adventure underground

in order to form the pieces necessary to ignite the operation by condensing the seemingly impossible search for Kaneki to being more focused and fortified to the point that they could track him down with Shuu and Mirimos influence with the metal detectors.

Worthy note is the perception she emits to Hide in always not being able to save Kaneki and him always saving her. We know she has saved him numerous times physically, emotionally, and mentally and the same with Kaneki to her, but it's important to note how she mentions “this time”.

It's like despite all the times they've saved each other with all those different aspects, something always caused them to get separated or to face more and more suffering painting all the times as somewhat futile. And this time, given the monster he's become, she means to truly save him at all costs no matter what.

And my god, chapter 160 is one of my favorites due to the parallel with 145 where Kaneki lost control becoming dragon with it having no dialogue whatsoever in favor of pure visual storytelling.

You could just feel the sheer immense strain, pressure, rampant despair and pain of Touka desperately trying to save her husband.

A Silent Scream is what I call these two chapters that I talked about before, wherein the omission of words paints the whole “a picture is worth a thousand words”.

Her breakdown was so emotionally resonate with how we hardly see her like that. Referencing back to the visuals without having to be shown lines of text or dialogue. Something as simple as her finding Kanekis hand grasping her parents ring (the bond that ties their own marriage together) in pressing forward like a centipede with Touka as his sole motivation and strength, is definitely something that destroys her in which you can just hear the horrifying scream she emits.

Because she's not just reminded of her impending failure with the current situation, but also the tragedy that befell her own parents, and the cycle of revenge she was a part of with Mado that aided in her ability to empathize with Akira and Amon. [good eye! @dreamofcentipedes]

It's these little tiny details that are always there, and while sure some may be a stretch in providing more depth/ over reaching, they remain considerations that add so much. For a moment she ponders if the tragic cycle is something they'll never be able to break free from, whether it's something that will always keep them trapped in the birdcage, unable to fly towards a clear blue sky, something she always looks towards in many panel illustrations. [x]

And yet despite it all she never gave up, her faith kept pushing her forwards to continue the mission. And she was able to succeed. Her efforts and choices were not in vain.

Yo... scope this little line here.. “Don't push yourself ok”

Touka… Dude… We don't deserve you honestly. Finna say that after all the fuckery you just went through in pushing yourself... smh

Still out here not resting waiting for your man's to wake up and be ok.

Top tier I swear...(PLS GET SOME SLEEP)

Which then shows another instance of that non verbal communication during her embrace with Kaneki. Within that one swift motion and the “thump” sound effect presumably of their hearts beating, she conveyed all she needed to without having to say anything.

Thank goodness she was finally able to rest by the end and chill with Saiko is best Saiko, because honestly… She needed that.

And although she had to continue waiting (god how long has she had to that ?) for her loved ones to return,

that fierce faith was fortunately rewarded with Ayato and Kaneki returning in the end.

Like I said, one of the many reasons I admire Toukas strength so much is that it strays away from the typical norm that would usually warrant a narrative tool in making one “weaker” via the ghoul-human journey just for the sake of it or for her to be “helpless”.

“Go, you are not just some onlooker, nor are you powerless. You just have other things to protect right?”-Yomo

And I just… really want to root for her to overcome all the odds that are placed in her and everyone else's paths in whatever way they can. “Strength in weakness, weakness in strength”

It’s not exactly an underdog story classification, but instead to me points out an interesting conflict between ones seemingly futile (at the time given the high failure rate) yet deepest desires/ wishes for some semblance of hopeful happiness in the world. And ones need to survive by any limited means often being forced to make hard to impossible choices accordingly so to protect and live with the few means available to them that they can achieve by themselves alone, and or with that of others.

Bruh… I could go on rambling forever and I'd still be missing several points😓 that many others have mentioned too. But essentially her undying love, selflessness, compassion, faith, and strength are qualities that have always stood out to me in their own right since the beginning until the very end. And in general it’s just truly satisfying that by the end all her suffering, waiting and perseverance paid off. Although it was never explicitly stated, many (including myself) speculate that she did open up another coffee shop by the end, which would be a really nice ribbon bow touch to that as well. 3rd times the charm?

She was finally to gain the normal life that she never thought possible with the combined efforts of both sides, the worlds that Kaneki found a place in. Being able to peacefully live with her family, husband, baby girl Ichika (with another boyo on the way) and loved ones.

Her wish for happiness was granted.

Personally Toukas character journey has truly been a pleasure to witness over over the course of the series, and it’s one that has forever put her in such a special place in my heart, compelling flaws and all😄

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