#obi wan is another story

[iszapizza]

I just want to see them bond :’)

[phoenixkaptain]

I love it when pre Original Trilogy era shows how much effort went into making the Death Star. It took decades, literal decades, and it took so much money and so many people and it was such a secretive thing and it’s staffed by millions because it’s the size of a small moon.

I cannot express how much all of the added information makes it so much funnier that Luke blew it up.

Luke destroys literally everything Palpatine built. He blows up the Death Star, which was referenced in universe as early as the second movie. He blew up the weapon of mass destruction twenty years in the making. And he blew it up pretty much directly after it’s first and only successful attack. It was operational for fifteen minutes, fifteen minutes that Palpatine had the thing he’d been building for longer than Luke has been alive, and Luke blows it up. First day retirement, but first hour retirement.

Luke convinces Darth Vader to turn back to the light side, a feat thought literally impossible by literally everybody. Sidious clearly doesn’t see Vader’s betrayal coming. Vader’s betrayal was not in his plans, nor was it something he was prepared for. Sidious is a powerful Force user with all four limbs while Vader is a man in the tin can Palpatine put him in. If Palpatine had seen Vader turning coming, he would not have allowed it to happen.

Luke literally should not even be alive. Palpatine almost definitely got Padme out of the way on purpose, and he almost certainly was trying for her unborn child as well (there was way too big of a risk that a cute liddol bebe would bring some humanity back to Anakin, and Palpatine did not want Anakin to have any humanity) Luke living is literally the first step in Palpatine’s ultimate downfall, especially once Vader finds out that Luke is his son. His very alive son. His son that is not dead, despite Palpatine claiming Anakin killed Padme. Implying that Anakin killed Padme and she posthumously gave birth. But, she didn’t give birth on Mustafar, which was the last place Anakin interacted with her. And once the mother dies, you have to get those fuckers out fast or they die too.

I imagine Darth Vader piecing all of this together is that meme with all the math floating around his head, because how could Padme have died by his hand and then given birth like two hours later?

Luke killing Palpatine is what ultimately leads to the dissolution of the Empire as an omnipotent entity. Luke killed the Empire. Luke spends a good amount of his adult life killing Empire remnants. We see that in the Mandalorian, since he’s so recognizable that Gideon immediately knows he’s fucked just by seeing an X-wing. We read it in Legends’ continuity, where Luke terrifies Imperials because he can walk into their changing room and stand in their for a minute and they don’t even notice.

Luke destroyed Palpatine’s life’s work. Everything Palpatine spent his whole life working towards, and Luke kills all of it. He blows up not one, but two Death Stars (he may not have pulled the trigger on the second Death Star, but without him, it never would have been destroyed). He convinces not one, but multiple Sith and Dark Jedi to return from the Dark Side. He is the only reason that Obi-Wan Kenobi, the biggest pain in Palpatine’s ass ever born, lives long enough to make it to the Death Star.

Palpatine went through so much effort. And just when he had finally won, when he finally had a weapon capable of destroying entire planets with a single blast, making it impossible for any planets or peoples to go against him, Luke shows up nineteen years late to the Jedi party with space Starbucks and a droid twice his age and almost singlehandedly destroys everything Palpatine ever had a hand in creating.

Luke manages to become even worse than Obi-Wan Kenobi, the ultimate thorn in the side of politicians, and Luke doesn’t even understand any politics. He wasn’t trained in diplomacy like Obi-Wan and Leia, no, he’s a farmboy who left home for the first time in his entire life, just this morning. And he is the one to destroy the Empire.

If they rewrote Star Wars and had it entirely from Palpatine’s perspective, Luke Skywalker would be his greatest foe. Luke Skywalker would be the final boss. Luke Skywalker is the antithesis of everything Palpatine believes in and he is the one character that Palpatine cannot predict. He isn’t as moldable as Anakin, he doesn’t respond to threats very well, he’s apparently impossible to kill via Force lightning (still the funniest scene of all times, the progression of Palpatine’s face falling and him looking like “what the fuck??? Is this kid rubber??? I’ve electrocuted him eight times???”), his unwavering faith in his father’s goodness makes Darth Vader want to be a better person, Luke Skywalker is the big bad of Palpatine’s story and—

There is nothing in this world that is funnier than someone’s biggest antagonist being Luke fucking Skywalker. Luke Skywalker, who saved the galaxy with the power of love and who shouldn’t exist, by Jedi rules and by Palpatine’s own attempts, and whose best friends are literally droids, which Palpatine canonically hates!

Everything about this is hilarious, this is the funniest thing in all of media, Palpatine loses absolutely everything to some backwater farmboy who fucking likes droids.

[djhonnie14]

Modern AU- Cody and Obi have been together for a few months and with all of his brothers in town for the week (celebration of some sort?) it seems like the perfect time to introduce Obi to the clan

Except when they arrive to game night at Jango’s, Fox (recently back in town) seems to recognize Obi and calls him Ben

Obi gets super embarrassed and is very quiet and there’s a weird vibe between him and fox and fox and Cody until it finally comes out

Flashback to uni days-

twenty-something twink Obi with daddy issues galore and his best buddy (with occasional benefits) Quinlan go clubbing and run into Fox who’s been forced out to socialize by his law school buddies. Long story short- they have a threesome

Quin and Obi stop hooking up shortly after bc Quin and Fox get together and spend the next decade as on-again-off-again life partners

Obi somehow only puts the pieces together when he’s introduced to fox by Cody in jango’s living room like 10 years later. Cody has to tease out what’s wrong which results in a conversation that includes the phrase “I kriffed your brother”

Cody ends up thinking it’s hilarious- especially after Obi promises Cody’s better in bed.

[theboost]

ok but would scully have the hots for han solo. would leia be charmed by mulder. these are the important questions. i actually feel like scully wouldn’t like han much bc he’s too selfish and she happens to like nice men. but leia having heart eyes over mulder would be really funny i think. and she doesn’t even think hes weird for believing in aliens bc in her universe aliens are real and she’s friends with them

Hmm. I think there would maybe be like a two hour period (crucially in like a crisis period where Han had to take charge) where Scully was like “huh he’s kind of hot” but would IMMEDIATELY lose interest wherever Han did his classic “you’re not rocking with me? I’m gonna kill myself and also I actually never liked you at all so THERE” bit or his equally classic “you want me so bad you can’t see straight” bit because frankly he’s too old to be acting like this. It’s not hot for her. He wouldnt even make literary allusions or wax philosophically about human nature!

Now, if scully were to have the hots for someone in Star Wars I’d have to go with her classic type: emotionally unavailable older authority figures. Someone who’s inability to articulate his emotions was so bad that it led to psychological complexes so bad that the universe was destroyed. Someone over a foot taller than her. All this to say, welcome to the conversation Qui Gon Jinn!!! Actually my realest and truest feeling is. You know that post that’s like “I would be the first person to sit down with C-3PO and just listen”. That’s Scully. they’re gonna queen out.

I do think Leia would like Mulder a lot! I think some part of her would be really drawn to the fact that he forsook all of his career ambitions and personal ties to focus on his mission to find out the Truth I think she’d find that really noble, especially with how entangled she is with bureaucracy. But beyond that I think he would really admire her and defer to her and would just generally be supportive in a way I don’t think she gets enough of. Actually kind of Luke-ish in a way that doesn’t have the hang ups of him being her secret twin. So she would definitely laugh at his jokes just a little too hard because she’s in her 20s and never got the hang of flirting and then Han would go “you’re not rocking with me? I’m going to kill myself”. Classic.

[maulfucker]

Phantom Menace college au where Padme is an exchange student and Qui-Gon is a professor and Obi-Wan is his assistant and at the end Maul gets Qui-Gon fired so Obi-Wan pushes him down some stairs the next time they meet on campus

[veloursdor]

me, in my nerdiest moment: it's always more interesting to me when people write superman and obi-wan as these people that, despite everything, choose kindness and goodness every day. obi-wan, more than anyone else, deserves to lose his shit and become a sith, but it's him choosing kindness despite everything what makes him great. also, comics with dark superman are boring.

guy at the grocery store: it's 9.50

[fortes-fortuna-iogurtum]

sometimes you read something for a fandom you were crazy over years ago and you encounter one of the ships you loved back then and you just think “yeahhhh…. this is still great :) way to go younger me you were so based about this actually :)”

[tennessoui]

How would couples counseling AU Anakin respond if Obi-Wan got a *gasp* new Padawan? I need to know lol

That is something I’m actually thinking about including—perhaps not the padawan themself (I cannot weigh this fic down with ocs) but at least obi-wan’s suggestion that he should get another padawan.

I briefly talk about it a bit in “amort & amor” where a different version of Anakin hears that obi-wan is going to get another padawan because many masters died in the war and obi-wan asks Anakin how he would feel about it all before he agrees (anakin thinks he should but in a self deprecating way)

But I think in this AU specifically, Anakin would absolutely lose his shit if obi-wan got another padawan. Especially because I feel like this au’s obi-wan wouldn’t tell him that he was even considering it until it’s almost too late for anakin to throw a fit

But a fit he would throw tbh. Because Anakin is obi-wan’s only padawan but if he gets another padawan, Anakin will have to share that title and he doesn’t like sharing and he especially doesn’t like sharing obi-wan and what if obi-wan got a padawan that he then had to spend his Anakin Time ™️ teaching and laughing with and cooking for and anakin is going to be violently sick just THINKING about it

[fanfic-phoenix]

Obitine Week 2023, Day 1 - Name and Soul

Prompt: Korkie

Rating: General

Word Count: 553

Read on AO3

Ben had pulled Korkie, still screeching, from a half-collapsed building. Ben had gone back in for Korkie’s parents and found their corpses mangled amongst the debris. Ben, by Mandalorian custom, had a greater claim than Satine. Korkie was a foundling, and Ben had found him.

And Obi-Wan would pretend for the rest of their lives that he hadn’t.

In the old days, all a Mando needed to adopt a foundling was to say the gai bal manda.  Technically speaking, that was still all it took.  No one on Mandalore would challenge it.

But Satine was the Duchess of Mandalore.  Her every move would be scrutinised by everyone, starting with Mandalore and finishing with the Republic.  Anything she did had to be ironclad.  Watertight.  Untouchable.

That was why her desk was currently loaded with forms, about half of them signed, ready to be sent in for approval by the Republic Senate.  The rest, she was slowly working through, even as her hand began to cramp.  

“Satine…”  Obi-Wan’s voice was quiet, careful.  “Satine, why don’t you take a break?”

“I can’t.”

“It’s the middle of the night.  It’ll keep until morning.”  One of his hands, calloused and painfully gentle, brushed against her cheek.  Asking for attention, not demanding it.  She surrendered.  She surrendered so easily.  “Please, come to bed.  You need rest.”

“I can’t,” she said again, but it was a lie.  He took her hands and helped her from her seat - she hadn’t noticed her legs going numb, but she noticed the pins and needles now - to the edge of the bed.  

In all practical senses, it was their bed.  For propriety’s sake, for their hearts’ sakes, they called it hers.

“Will a nightdress do?” he asked, already heading to her dresser.  She couldn’t answer, her throat suddenly thick and useless, so he got one anyway.  “You’ll sleep better when you’re not in a gown.”

This was hardly a gown, but she wasn’t going to argue specifics.  She wasn’t, it seemed, going to do anything.  She only sat there as Obi-Wan undid the lacing at the back and took it off her, only sat as he pulled the nightdress over her head and settled it neatly, only sat as he got to work removing the pins that had kept her hair in place.

He’d almost finished brushing it out when she finally admitted, “I can’t lose him.”

The brush faltered in its strokes, then started again.  “You won’t.”

“How can you know that?”

His voice was just as soft as before; Satine felt rather like one of the wild animals he claimed to be able to soothe, and wasn’t sure she appreciated the feeling.  “There is no one in this galaxy who could claim to love Korkie half as much as you.  By Mandalorian law, he’s already yours.  This is merely a formality.”

It was true, she knew that, and it was a lie, too.  Maybe Obi-Wan could be distant, maybe Obi-Wan could be unattached, but Ben-  

Ben had pulled Korkie, still screeching, from a half-collapsed building.  Ben had gone back in for Korkie’s parents and found their corpses mangled amongst the debris.  Ben, in some ways, had a greater claim than Satine.  Korkie was a foundling, and Ben had found him.

And Obi-Wan would pretend for the rest of their lives that he hadn’t.

This should be you, she didn’t say.  You should be signing papers with me.  You should be his uncle as much as I am his aunt.  You should be guardian, protector, father.  You should stay.

You should stay.

“You’ll sleep here tonight?”

“Of course,” he said, and kept brushing her hair.

She would finish the papers tomorrow.

Tagging: @weekofobitine

[bowl-of-fruit-loops]

will literally never forget watching clone wars for the first time and realizing they gave anakin a padawan. and watching them call each other snips and skyguy and caring about each other and becoming brother and sister and knowing it’s never going to end in anything but tragedy.

[bi-octavius]

shoutout to claudia gray for writing a book that has made me absolutely WRECKED and INSANE after finishing it :))) (yes this is about master & apprentice)

[the-far-bright-center]

Ever since the Kenobi show came out the entire SW fandom now seems to think Obi-Wan Kenobi is the main character of Star Wars. Not Anakin, not the Skywalkers. Obi-Wan. Just because Disney made a big-budget fanfic about him. 🤦🏽‍♀️

[thistle-and-hellebore]

Okay the only thing I know about figure skating is from my dad's commentary during the Olympics (he did figure skating back in the 80s) but this has grabbed ahold of my brain and I need to exorcise it.

Small change: Anakin and Ahsoka skate pairs and not ice dance. Their talents and interests align more with the athletic then the artistic so its just a better fit for them.

This is not the first duo that Anakin has been in that has made it to (insert some big competition here, national, world, Olympic, galactic etc). It is the third.

The first was with Aayla. They are both a part of the Jedi (here a subsect within a larger figure skating organization that focuses on supporting under-privilaged skaters) and their coaches are friends so they so they knew each other since they were young teenagers in the junior league. They skated pairs and they were quite good at it but never metaled at (big competition).

This changed when Rush Clovis was banned for use of steroids. Padme was his ice dance partner at the time and while she was innocent and cleared of all suspicion that partnership was obviously dissolved. So she needed a partner.

Now I said above that Anakin is more about the athletic then the artistic and I stand by that but as Obi-Wan probably said at least once in this AU "he is dramatic enough to make up for it."

Quinlan (Aayla's coach) thinks she can make it in the women's singles so Aayla and Anakin split and Anakin and Padme start training together. In ice dance.

Like canon it is a whirlwind romance but with emphasis on the whirl (yeah I know bad pun). The chemistry is immediate, and while Anakin's rhythm is maybe a bit weak, his skill combined with Padme's artistry and the pair's devotion puts them over the top. They win gold at (big competition) and elope a week later.

Now Padme is 26 at this point and while she isnt old the ridiculousness of age for woman in figure skating means people are already starting to side eye her. She is indignant about this but at the same time she wants more for her life. She wants to do some good.

Meanwhile Anakin is now seen as a star up and comer. He has people in high places in the main figure skating organization that are taking an interest in him (I'm talking about Palpatine obv).

Anakin and Padme start training for the next (big competition) but Padme has a training accident (orcistrated by Palpatine) that injures her enough that while she will recover it wont be in time for them to have a reasonable chance at the next (big competition). People (Palpatine's cronies) start making noises about her retiring. Anakin is distraut. Padme refuses as she's not done yet but she starts working on various charity projects etc in between her physical therapy. She is laying the foundation for her career after skating.

This is where Ahsoka comes in.

She has amazing technical skills and an incredible ability to attuning herself to other skaters but the Jedi have yet to find a partner for her that can support her in turn. So to buy themselves some time and to keep Anakin in the game while Padme is recovering the Jedi assign Ahsoka and Anakin together.

Anakin initially isnt thrilled about this but relents with Obi-Wan's and Padme's encouragement. They start training pairs.

(Palpatine starts whispering in Anakin's ear that the Jedi dont think he's good enough for men's singles, Pal is a bigot and a misogynist and wants a single independent white man as his star and champion by any means necessary (including steroids and other unhealthy means) and the Jedi are an inconvenience)

Stuff happens. Padme recovers but becomes pregnant. The pregnancy is somewhat rough. (Palpatine blames her figure skating career, "she is too fragile") Ahsoka gets accused of using drugs, she is acquitted but it throws of their schedule for preparing for (big competition). Padme is due near (big competition) date. ("you have to do well to make a future for your child my boy"). Anakin has a fight with Obi-Wan ("They dont believe in you.") and the Jedi leadership ("You must prove you are good enough for to compete on your own") Anakin's just under a lot of pressure ("You must be strong. There are ways to help with that my boy")

…And I think I'll leave it there. This little demon is out feel free to have fun with as you want.

Hear me out:

Competitive ice dance AU. Anakin and Ahsoka as a duo.

"But aren't ice duos super romo/sensual" have you not heard of of the Shib Sibs

Tell me Anakin and Ahsoka couldn't do some absolutely buckwild acrobatic nonsense on the ice. Look me in the eyes and tell me these two dorks wouldn't have the time of their lives throwing each other around. Ahsoka gets as jacked as possible so she can do the lifts. Anakin gets into fistfights with people about how many points get docked in relation to the positioning of his amputated arm.

Obi-Wan is obviously their coach and he spends so much time Regretting.

Padme goes ham on designing costumes for them. They've got a weird long-term rivalry with Maul and Ventress. They are Aayla's shoutiest fans for singles. They go to hockey games to cheer on the clones.

[faint-taste-of-almonds]

yes there's a lot of things to criticize about Star Wars but one thing i will always love it for is being so unabashedly tragic

i'm sure it's been said before, but one of the main things i think powers the SW fandom (fics in particular) is the (in)evitability of it all

time travel fix-its are one of the most popular sub-categories of fics that i've seen (for the prequels at least) but i see it much more rarely in other fandoms. i know each fandom has their own niches that they dig into but star wars fic writers took one look at this decades long story of people who were doomed from the start and said 'not in my house bitch'

and i'm never tired of it, because there's so many places where just one different action could have changed the story entirely, but didn't

was it over the moment Palpatine succeeded in feeding Anakin's fears and his distrust toward the Jedi? the moment the Sith gained control of the senate? what about when the war started, when the Jedi were made generals of men designed to be their executioners? what about when Dooku left the order? when Qui-Gon Jinn died, leaving barely-knighted Obi Wan Kenobi to raise a child he had no idea how to care for? when the Jedi massacred the Mandalorians at Galidraan, leaving Jango Fett primed (hah) for revenge? when Palpatine, and thus the Sith, first gained influence? when the Jedi were tied to the Republic, all the way back at the Ruusan Reformation?

there are so many little moments that turn into this huge web of cause and effect when you take a step back. and in canon, these characters are dooming themselves while we watch, but what reason do they have to do anything different? they don't know they're in a tragedy - its dramatic irony at its goddamn finest

but there's this thing about decisions: for it to be a choice, there has to be another option. and our heroes make their mistakes because that's what they do, while we aren't privy to that other option, leaving that little what-if. it's a favorite human pastime, to think about what might have been.

we start at episode 4, though, fourty or so years after what you could arguably call the start, and find ourselves watching the dominoes fall in place throughout 1, 2, and 3.

and we can hate the choices, hate the tragedy, hate what happened to our beloved characters, but we knew. we had the luxury of knowing.

it's a love story, it's political intrique, it's sci-fi at its finest, and they were dead from the start.

[kenobers]

magic hands | Jason Todd x Sionis!Reader

but first free palestine !! Your regularly scheduled hook-up session with Jason Todd is rudely interrupted by the arrival of your period. As tragedy strikes, you have to ask Jason to buy you pads, perhaps throwing a curveball in your still emerging relationship. this installment comes before this one; you don't know jason is red hood in this one (not that it really matters to this particular story) tw: periods, mentions of drugging, reader having issues with acts of service, afab readera/n: i'm writing additions to this story completely out of order because i can. don't worry - you're gonna be the one comforting jason soon, just stay tuned. and if you're following me for the obi-wan content, i promise you'll also be fed soon. the sionis!reader concept was inspired by this ask on gilverrwrites' blog! In hindsight, it might've been kinda weird of me, but i couldn't get the concept out of my head. thank you to gilverr and anon! please check out their blog!

Yo

You cringe a little at your choice of words, wishing you'd thought harder before sending the text. Well actually, you cringe at the entire situation. You despise having to ask for help, but you're a little desperate.

Would you-

Too entitled.

Would you mind-

Passive aggressive.

Will-

Your phone buzzes before you can finish typing.

yo.

That was fast.

You take a deep breath. Jason was coming over anyway and it wasn't like you were in any position to have sex like you were planning to. And this constitutes as a bit of an emergency, considering you're currently sitting on a wad of toilet paper.

Can you pick me up some pads?

You hit send and drop your phone on your bed. This is so embarrassing for no reason. Jason's a good guy, he isn't going to judge you for being on your period of all things. He's not going to hold it against you if you can't have sex either.

It was just that you weren't sure your relationship was...like that. Acts of service and all that. A month ago, you wouldn't have even considered asking him to do this. But you'd been a lot more personal with one another lately. Making dinner, staying the night, being physically affectionate while your clothes were still on.

Your phone vibrates and you frantically feel for the purple case in the grey and white sheets. You'll deal with that giddy feeling later.

i don't know, can i?

Fucker, you think, glaring at your screen. You start furiously forming a response about how you aren't in the fucking mood for this when your phone buzzes again.

yeah, of course i can. need anything else? painkillers? chocolate?

You eye the empty bottle on your nightstand. Your stomach cramps painfully.

I'm out of ibuprofen

Then you consider for a moment. With a sigh, you bite back your pride. Well, if he's offering.

...and maybe some ice cream.

you got it babe.

Babe. Heat rushes to your cheeks as the corners of your mouth twitch upwards.

Ten minutes later his name flashes on your screen again, along with a photo of a wall of pads.

which kind

Damn, he was kind of good at this. A flare of jealousy burns through you at the thought of Jason doing this for some other girl. Another feeling you'll deal with later. You circled your preferred brand and send it back.

check. headed your way shawty.

After another ten minutes, the rumbling of a motorcycle echoes through your street. Nine minutes and 45 seconds later, the sound of your living room window sliding open lures you from your bed.

You fight back a goofy grin at the sight of Jason's large-than-life frame slipping through the window, two plastic bags balanced in one gloved hand. Leaning against your kitchen island, you allow yourself a second to admire the curve of his ass in those joggers.

"Hey," you greet, shivering as a gust of wind followed the man. He gives you a toothy grin, sliding the window shut. With a dramatic flourish of his arm, he presents the drugstore bag to you.

"Your essentials, m'lady."

"Oh, my hero," you giggle, taking the bag gratefully. You eye the second bag suspiciously, although the telltale red thank you print and the smell of fried rice give the contents away. "Chinese?"

"Chinese," he confirms. "And before you say anything, I was already picking it up when you texted."

You purse your lips. He was starting to know you too well. You would've said something, would've lied about how you weren't hungry. The idea that he'd already thought to do something nice for you before he even knew about your situation makes your stomach twist.

Jason takes a step closer, trapping you between him and the island. He reaches behind you to set the food on the counter, green eyes trained on your face. It's hard not to shrink below his quizzical gaze. Goosebumps cover your bicep as the leather of his jacket rubs against your bare arm.

Bastard.

"That okay, pretty girl?"

Fuck, he's handsome. He knows it too, know to flick his dark hair just so. Knows how to look at you so that any "oh, you shouldn't have" argument you can conjure up falters before it can reach your tongue. It certainly doesn't help that he's flexing the arm reaching behind you just so.

"Perfect, even," you purr, uncrossing your arms to play with his jacket zipper. "How much do I owe you?"

"Don't worry about it." You try not to roll your eyes at him, reminding yourself that you were opting to be nicer to him tonight. He is your hero after all. His hands fall to your hips, his thumbs running along the bone. "How you feeling?"

You shrug, suppressing another shiver as his pinkie pokes below the length of your shorts.

"Shitty. Like everything hurts," you answer honestly. Your lip twitches and you abandon his jacket zipper in favor of the strings of his sweatshirt.

"'m sorry we can't, y'know, do what we planned." The apology floods abruptly from your lips. "I would offer to do it anyways, but I just, I-I can't with these cramps." Your hips twinge with pain to emphasize your point. "But, I mean, I can blow you if you really want-"

"Hey."

Two fingers tilt your chin up, tough leather juxtaposing soft skin. You hadn't even realized you'd stopped looking at his face. He's smiling at you.

"Don't worry about it," he says for the second time. "Lemme make you feel better. It'll piss Roman off just as much."

You both look pointedly at the bookshelf you're fairly certain your father had hidden some sort of recording device.

"Besides," he continues with a wolfish smirk. "I've become accustomed to a certain level of performance from you and I'm not sure if I'd receive that if you're not at your peak."

"Fine, only because you insisted," you sigh. "And I'm gonna do you a favor and ignore that last part." You turn away from him, fishing the package of pads and the ibuprofen out of the drugstore bag. "I'm gonna go...yeah."

You wave the package in the air as you head for the bathroom. With your back turned, you don't catch Jason saluting you.

When you return, you notice one of the books on the shelf has been inconspicuously placed over a Wonder Woman knick knack. Part of you is relieved to know your father can't spy on you tonight. Another part of you feels a pang of anxiety knowing that means tonight is just for the two of you to enjoy each other's company. As people. Not fuckbuddies.

This is still casual. Professional, you tell yourself. It's not like he's my boyfriend.

You turn to the kitchen, where Jason is pulling plates out of a cupboard, and ignoring the smaller voice that wouldn't mind him being your boyfriend.

He hands the plates to you, letting you dish the both of you up.

Jason sidles up behind you, pressing his chest to your back. You lean into him, letting him support your weight.

"Chinese was a good call," you say. He hums in response, dipping his hands under your shirt to rub your sides. You yelp in alarm as something wet hits your skin.

"Dude! What the fuck!"

Jason backs up, holding two cream covered hands in the air. He looks apologetic enough, but still smirks at the way you glowered at him over your shoulder. It's an awful cute look when it isn't coming from behind an ugly ass skull mask.

"It's just CBD."

You spin around, pointing your spoon straight at his heart.

"CBD- what, are you trying to get me high?"

It's all Jason can do not to double over laughing. He'd take a picture if he wasn't certain you would find a way to lodge that spoon in a major artery.

His laughter has you fidgeting nervously, trying to maintain your hard stare.

"Don't laugh at me."

To his credit, he stops almost immediately. He straightens his posture and gestures to a small round container on the counter.

"It's just a lotion. Helps with joint pain, I use it all the time. I thought it might help with cramps."

You blink. That was...incredibly thoughtful of him.

"Oh."

You turn back to the food, continuing your task sheepishly. All you ever do in front of this man is embarrass yourself. And orgasm.

He creeps back to his spot cautiously. You glance over your shoulder, briefly meeting his eyes.

"You can...continue," you tell him, your tone much softer now. He presses a kiss to the exposed junction of your neck and slides his hands back under your shirt.

It does feel nice to have him massage the cool lotion into your aching body. His fingers seem to know exactly where to go, undoing the built up tension and leaving a light buzz in its place.

"I'm sorry I snapped like that," you whisper. "I overheard some of my dad's idiots talking about some kind of lube that's infused with LSD or something. Apparently it's becoming a popular method for people to get what they want so...little on edge."

After a moment, Jason speaks again, "I wouldn't drug you like that, you know."

"What, topically?" You scoff, dividing the orange chicken equally.

"Without your consent."

You pause. You suppose you hadn't given much thought to how much Jason respected you in that regard. To be fair, you'd never really been around men that respected you at all.

"Well, that's good to know." It's not the most sensitive response, but you're sudden determined to move on from the conversation before you start oversharing. "Let's eat, big guy."

After dinner, Jason applies the lotion again. This time, you're sat on the couch between his legs as he drives the stuff into a knot on your hip. The TV drones with some black comedy series the two of you have been watching at the recommendation of one of his brothers.

"Do you get a lot of joint pain?" You ask suddenly, looking back at him. He doesn't tear his eyes away from the screen.

"Huh?"

"You said you use it a lot on your joints. Do you get a lot of joint pain?" Now he looks at you, one slit eyebrow raised. For a moment you watch him try to remember when he told you that. Then he smirks, a silly view from upside down.

"I do whenever you get through with me," he says, his chest vibrating under you. You give him a look. "Sometimes after the gym, yeah."

You're not quite sure you believe him, but you let it slide, turning back to the TV in time to see your least favorite character earn a smack to the face.

"It was nice of you to bring it."

"'s helping?"

"Mmh," You sigh as he works a particularly tough spot. Your relief is short lived however as the small of your back cramps up. A small gasp escapes you and you squirm and swear in Jason's arms.

He pauses his work on your hips.

"Where's it hurt?"

"Back," you whimper, turning over so he can get to it. He obliges immediately, rubbing the butt of his palm into the sore spot. You groan into his chest, melting beneath his magic hands. "The fuck did I ever manage this shit before you."

He snorts, "very bravely, I'm sure."

You smile at his answer. Clever boy. You reward him with a kiss, pleased when he returns it in kind. His hand doesn't stop its work on your back as his soft lips move gently with your own.

"You sure you don't want a blowjob?" you murmur against his mouth.

Jason nods, giving you another chaste kiss before pulling away. "You're in pain, sweetheart. Let yourself rest."

He moves his lips to your ear, lowering his voice.

"Now, how about that ice cream, hm?"

Absolute professional.

[saphronethaleph]

Literary Illusions

“It’s ironic,” Palpatine said, shaking his head. “He could save others from death, but not himself.”

Anakin frowned.

“And this is something the Jedi wouldn’t have told me?” he asked.

“Of course not,” Palpatine replied. “Is it a story you’ve heard?”

“Well, yes,” Anakin said. “Just now, from you. But not before then… and that surprises me, Chancellor.”

Palpatine shrugged. “I think you’ll find, Anakin, that the Jedi have not been telling you everything.”

“Maybe not, but… honestly, that sounds like exactly the kind of thing they’d tell me,” Anakin said.

Palpatine frowned.

“...what?” he asked.

“You know,” Anakin said. “Some Sith Lord works out how to bring people back to life from the dead, but his apprentice kills him and doesn’t bring him back to life because the Sith are inherently self destructive. If the two of them had worked together and been able to trust one another, they’d have been immortal.”

He shrugged. “It’s a good illustration of the inherently self destructive nature of the Dark Side, and it’s the dichotomy of how the Dark Side leads you to seek power in order to achieve goals that you then discard as irrelevant, because they’re not directly related to gaining power… hold on a second.”

Palpatine was a little distracted by trying to avoid mentally kicking himself, so it took him somewhat more than a second to notice what Anakin was doing.

“...Anakin?” he said. “Are you getting your comlink out?”

“Yeah,” Anakin replied. “Going to text Obi-Wan, ask him what he thinks of the story. Maybe there’s some kind of detail I missed which makes it less of a good illustration of the different worldviews and mindsets of the Jedi and the Sith.”

The Knight shrugged, his thumbs tapping away at his comlink. “He probably knows it, he knows all of the old stories.”

Palpatine blinked several times.

“...don’t,” he said, then very discreetly scrambled for a reason why. “It’s the middle of a performance. We don’t want to interrupt them.”

“Yeah, yeah, it’s on silent,” Anakin replied, with a shrug. “Or vibrate. Did I put it on vibrate… hang on, Chancellor, I’ll make sure it’s on silent…”

He turned the comlink over, then a loud bwing sounded.

“Oh, right, I forgot to set it to do not disturb mode,” Anakin said. “Hang on… uh… yeah, there we go, I forgot I added all these custom modes. I’ve been missing a lot of sleep lately.”

“Perhaps-” Palpatine began, but Anakin spoke over him.

“Huh,” he said. “He says he’s never heard of it either. Wants to know where I heard about it, it looks like he’s really interested… or maybe he’s trying to tell me about a death stick vendor, he’s terrible with multiglyphs and he thinks he’s good at them.”

Anakin glanced at the Chancellor, hoping for some solidarity, then visibly noticed that the Chancellor was several decades older than him and abandoned that.

“Is there a book I can get the whole story from?” he asked, instead. “Obi-Wan is better at nuances, like I say.”

“That is not the point,” Palpatine said, trying not to get visibly angry. “The point is that there is a way to save your loved ones!”

“Maybe there used to be, but not any more,” Anakin shrugged. “Like you said, this was a Sith thing and the Sith are all dead. Well, unless General Grievous is a Sith who knows how to heal people, but I doubt it given how much he got hurt, and I’m not sure Dooku knew it either… hey, if this story needs to be publicized more then maybe we could have them do a play of that instead?”

Palpatine blinked several times, as he tried to keep up with a Jedi with possible undiagnosed ADHD and found himself discovering a lack of talent for podracing.

“What?” he asked.

“You know, a play,” Anakin explained. “Dramatic betrayals, lost loved ones, it would probably do numbers. It’d be better than this, anyway.”

He waved his hand at the ongoing performance of Squid Lake.

“...what is wrong with Squid Lake?” Palpatine said, before reflecting that that had really been a stupid question for him to ask and that he should have asked a much better one.

“Well, uh,” Anakin began, looking a bit abashed. “Actually now I say it out loud this might be really culturally insensitive of me, but to me this play might as well be eighty minutes of people boasting about having enough water to swim in.”

“It’s a ballet,” Palpatine told him, now completely having lost control of the conversation.

“It’s just a less scary version of Sarlacc Pit,” Anakin went on. “Someone tried to drown me in a lake once, because they thought I couldn’t swim, but floating on sand is much harder, you barely have to do anything to escape a lake. You just float.”

Very belatedly, Anakin caught sight of Palpatine’s look of total befuddlement, and shrugged.

“Watto was a lot of things,” he said. “But he had culture.”

Palpatine’s hands twitched, as he very seriously considered the idea of abandoning literal centuries of Sith planning and decades of personal political advancement in favour of stabbing Anakin somewhere it would hurt.

It was extraordinarily tempting.

“...hold on,” Anakin said, slowly. “I guess… the thing I’d like most at the moment is for… and that means… this is literally one of those times when I could fall to the Dark Side because of it, like Darth Plagueis.”

He bestowed a grateful smile on Palpatine. “Thanks, Chancellor! I need to make a call, I guess the ballet won’t mind.”

Palpatine was so thrown by the swerve that he couldn’t think of a way to stop Anakin in the few seconds he had.

“Love?” Anakin said, into his commlink. “I… think we need to come clean, because otherwise I’ll fall to the Dark Side.”

Palpatine’s eye twitched.