#obey me asmodeus and diavolo

[devildomwriter]

“The seven of them are like treasures to me, but not because they’re rare or valuable. No, it’s not about that. You see, on that day, I was lucky enough to meet seven future friends. Truly special friends…the kind I can count on even if my life depends on it.”

— Diavolo to MC about the brothers (Nightbringer Chapter 40-1)

[irzali-imagines]

I fully believe that Solomon and MC just shout ""Wizard Spells"" at each other whenever they're bored. They shout shit like "I CAST MANUAL BLINKING" "I CAST MANUAL BREATHING" "I CAST EYELASH STUCK IN EYE" "I CAST TOTAL TOUNGE AWARENESS"

No real magic is used but a few demon brothers witnessed a "Wizard Duel" between MC and Solomon and got effected by "manual breathing" and fully believe that they are actually casting spells.

Lucifer: What in the devildom are you all up to now?

Mammon: SHH! MC and Solomon are having a wizard duel.

Belphie: I thought MC could only use our magic? Who's magic are they using?

Asmo: Their own!

Satan: They don't have magic.

Beel: Thats what we thought too but look.

-cut to MC and Solomon on opposite sides of the House of Lamentation's living room-

MC: I CAST INSTANT BRAZILLIAN WAX

Solomon: Oh you son of a bitch- I CAST ITCHY BONES!

MC: I CAST KIDNEY STONES!

Solomon: I CAST ENDOMETRIOSIS!

Lucifer: This is ridiculous. These aren't real spells.

MC: I CAST MANUAL BREATHING

Lucifer: *starts focusing on breathing* Wait what

[squeakyducky]

If MC wants someone to do a favour for them, all they have to do is go hug the character's arm, catch them off guard. Muster up the sweetest expression they can make and bat their pretty eyelashes at his questioning gaze and whisper out their wishes to him. And they're putty in your arms despite how smug they look. It works against even the difficult ones like Barbatos, Lucifer or Belphie. They WILL give into it. I guarantee it 100%. The easiest ones are, you guessed it Mammon, Levi and Beelzebub.

[r0t-t1ngxeyy]

You telling me this little shit right here has 13 boyfriends, 1 girlfriend and a son??

[rainiishowers]

Solomon: You were stabbed. Do you remember anything?

MC: Only the ambulance ride to the hospital.

Solomon: That wasn't an ambulance, I drove you.

MC: But I heard a siren.

Solomon: That was Mammon.

Mammon: Sorry, I got nervous-

——

Belphegor: If we put Solomon and Barbatos in a room, who would come out crying first?

Diavolo: The room.

——

Barbatos: Where's Satan..?

MC: Doing stuff.

Barbatos: I don't like the sound of that. Where's Lucifer?

MC: Trying to stop Satan. from doing the stuff.

Barbatos: And Asmodeus?

MC: Trying to stop Lucifer from stopping Satan. from doing the stuff.

Barbatos: I see. And what are you doing here, MC?

MC: I'm supposed to stop you from stopping Asmodeus from stopping Lucifer from stopping Satan, from doing the stuff.

——

Mammon: You can trust me! Let's not forget who pulled you out of the river when you were six.

Levi: let's not forget who pushed me in

——

Lucifer: You don’t want MC to die

Simeon: Right.

Lucifer: And I don't want MC to die.

Simeon: Right.

Lucifer: So we just have to make sure MC doesn’t want MC to die.

Simeon: Wonderful plan, but have you met MC?

——

Asmodeus: Do you think I’m ugly?

Solomon: It’s not about looks, Asmodeus. What’s valuable is on the inside...

Asmodeus: Aww.. Sol...

Solomon: For example, someone's heart.

Asmodeus: Aw... Stop it-

Solomon: It could be purchased for more than a million dollars, you know.

Asmodeus: Seriously, stop it.

——

Diavolo: Words ending in 'ie' just sound so adorable. Like cutie, sweetie, cookie-

MC: Eyy, homie!

Leviathan: But then there's cootie...

Belphegor: Die.

——

Lucifer: Who broke the toaster?

Satan: It was Mammon.

Asmodeus: It was Mammon.

Beelzebub: Mammon broke it.

Mammon:

Mammon: ...yOU PROMISED-

——

Luke: Everyone thinks I'm this soft cute person but I'm not!

Simeon: Luke, you cried for an hour after stepping on a bug yesterday.

Luke: It had feelings! It was probably going home to dinner and I killed it!

Solomon: ...It was a bug…

Luke: It was a BEETLE, and its wife is definitely worried sick, wondering where it is, and I really don't get why you all think I'm so sentimental because I'm not!

Solomon: ...

Simeon: ...

Luke: Stop looking at me like that!

——

Asmodeus: Wow, this parking is as straight as I am.

Lucifer: I know I should be focused on the fact that you just came out, but HOW DARE YOU INSULT MY PARKING!

——

Mammon: I'm not that stupid!

Lucifer: Mammon, you literally ate the wax from a babybel.

Mammon: BELPHIE TOLD ME IT WAS EDIBLE!

——

Mephisto, referring to MC and Mammon: Those guys are dorks.

Lucifer, insulted: Yes, but they’re my dorks.

[luxthestrange]

Obey me!Memes #190

Sorcerer Mc Introducing their Demon Bf while in his truest form glaring down at the sorcerers who dare to be mean to you-

[zephyrchama]

"Welcome back, it's been a while."

After a long time has passed, how might the Obey Me! demons welcome you home with a hug?

---

Lucifer tries to approach you in a calm and collected manner, but that facade easily crumbles as he gets closer. His pace quickens and his expression melts into an inscrutable blend of emotion. The man is fighting to stay composed.

He pulls you towards him, unwilling to wait a moment longer to have you in his arms. His gloved hands wrap around your back and waist with a secure grip. Your toes brush the ground as his hug lifts you to eye level, pressing a kiss to your forehead. "Welcome back, I've missed you."

---

Mammon sprints up with the goofiest grin imaginable plastered on his face. He catches himself at the last moment though, grinding to a halt as a blush creeps over his ears. He wants to be cool. "You sure are a piece a work to keep The Great Mammon waiting."

His arrogant act is betrayed by the many glances in your direction. By the way he's clenching his fist so hard his knuckles are white, and by the way he immediately crumbles into your open arms the second you reach out. He throws his arms around your shoulders and digs his face into your neck. He grips the back of your top a little too hard, as if you might leave again any moment.

---

Leviathan sheds his insecurities and doubts, all negative emotions, just to be able to bask in your presence again. It's a moment he's looked forward to for weeks. He puts trust into the belief that you've also been looking forward to seeing him.

He wraps his arms and legs around you, unconsciously aiming to get as much skin contact as possible. "I've really missed you, you know!?" he half-shouts before burying his face in your shoulder. You fight to stay standing upright. Every little movement, every minor adjustment in posture you make causes Leviathan to snuggle closer until you can't tell where your limbs end and his begin.

---

Satan can't control all of the overwhelming emotions that hit him at once. He grabs hold of your hand, and with a palm on your back he pulls you close until your entire weight leans against him. At your touch, all he can do is smile.

"Glad to see you again." The two of you sway back and forth, turning your hug into a psuedo-Waltz. When you look into his eyes, Satan gives your hand a kiss and presses your intertwined fingers against his face.

---

Asmodeus laughs as he barrels into you. "Did you miss me? Of course you did!"

You stumble back several steps yet he catches you before you fall, latching onto your side like a matching puzzle piece. He rubs his cheek over your head, pausing every few seconds to give you a kiss as his free hand enthusiastically traces its way up your back.

Asmodeus is the most reluctant to let go. Making a mess of your hair and clothes only gives him a calculated opportunity to touch you more as he tidies up your appearance. His caress lingers over your collarbone and around your ear. His fingers brush against your mouth, which he then brings to his own lips.

---

Beelzebub falls to his knees, relieved to see you return safe and sound and glad to be by your side once more. His arms curl around your hips. He noses his face into your chest and looks up with a content smile as he greets you, "welcome back."

You lean over to return the hug, running your hands through his hair. You don't expect Beelzebub to stand, picking you up in the process. You steady yourself on his shoulders as he rises, his violet eyes not wavering from you for a second, tempting him to steal a kiss.

---

Belphegor wraps his arms around your shoulders and practically falls on you. He doesn't seem concerned that you're sinking to the ground. In fact, he's so preoccupied with cuddling up to you that there's no way to avoid sitting on the ground with this demon on top of you.

He curls his body around your legs. You feel his warm breath on your neck as he slowly exhales, "welcome back." He's awake, but nothing will stop him from pretending to be asleep as his grip strength loosens and his face trails down your body.

---

Diavolo laughs amicably as you approach. He wants you to come to him, and is so thrilled to have you back. He bends down to latch his arms under yours and swings you around, sweeping you off your feet as you twirl two, three times, then slow to a stop.

"How have you been?" In due time he wants to know everything, and hear all the stories of your time away in detail. For now, he's got you locked in a bear hug. You feel his lips brush over your hair as he lightly swings you back and forth.

---

Barbatos' hug is the most restrained. It's simple and polite. At first he was content to just greet you with a gentle handshake and loving gaze. Though, when you request a hug, there is no way he can say no.

He extends his arms around your back, gives you two soft pats, and hesitates for just a moment before letting you go.

At night that evening as you prepare for bed, you find a note in your pocket that Barbatos must have cunningly slipped in without anyone noticing. It's a detailed letter with everything he didn't get to tell you in person.

[bluewolfangel01]

I love the unhinged idea that if Mc is angry or dissapointed with the demons, that they would create a circle of salt around themselves and just stay in it

And no matter the immense combined powers that Diavolo, Barbatos, and the Brothers hold, they ain't getting past the salt circle no matter what they do

Salt is the most powerful thing in the Devildom, confirmed

[hibiscuslovecandles]

Luuuucifer the human is being mean again >:(

[daytaker]

The Gang React to You Falling Asleep on Them

Lucifer

*deep sigh that speaks volumes to how difficult it is for this man to get any sleep, and here you are, conked out on his shoulder...*

If you don't wake up within a few minutes, he'll have no choice but to move. He is not the sort to be so sentimental that he can't bear the thought of disturbing your precious sleeping face. Of course, he won't be an asshole about it; he'll be careful and try not to wake you up. He might even drape his jacket over you for your nap.

But only if he doesn't need it.

Mammon

"Hey, my arm's gettin' a little stiff, can I just-- ...ah."

Oh. Ah. Alright. Cool. This is happening. Hmm. Damn. Not super comfortable, and it's kinda inconvenient to be trapped here, but, pshh, what's he supposed to do, wake up a sleeping human? He's heard that can lead to...cardiac arrest, or something. He ain't gonna murder you just to move a little sooner.

You did not just start snuggling him in your sleep. Did Mammon score today or did he score today? Too bad his arm's starting to fall asleep, but, well, nothin' in life is free.

Leviathan

"What...? WHAAAAAAT?" (But only in his brain. He doesn't want to wake you up. Mammon says that can lead to cardiac arrest in humans.)

He's pretty sure he's the one who's going to keel over from heart problems at this rate. He hadn't even realized you were getting sleepy. Are you bored watching him tackle this single-player old school RPG? Did you hate it all this time and you never even mentioned it?! Why is your face so close?! Do you not have any idea the kind of mental torture you're putting him through right now?!

Deep breaths, Levi. Deep breaths. This happens in anime all the time. It's...usually a good thing! It means that the main character and their love interest are tripping all the right flags, and... and how long is this scene going to last? Those scenes almost always end with the two still on the couch, then they skip to the next day or something. How long is he going to have to just sit here... suffering...?

After about ten minutes, he's reached his limit and he gently shakes you awake. He is so embarrassed that he insists you go to bed now, and he will not take no for an answer. Good night. Goodbye. *door slams*

AAAAHHHHHHHHH.

Satan

"Hm? Have you been getting enough sleep...?"

Satan would be very pleased with the situation, though probably less intensely excited than Mammon. He'll make whatever small adjustment is necessary for his comfort, then settle in and read for as long as it takes you to wake up. He feels very warm and fuzzy. It's nice. Hopefully you do this more often. But he should really ask you about your sleep schedule. Levi must be forcing you to stay awake too often.

Asmodeus

"Aww, aren't you adorable?"

This is precious. He needs to document it. As soon as he realizes what's happening, he'll carefully pull out his D.D.D., making sure not to wake you up, and start snapping pics. A few of you, a few dozen selfies with you, a few with him pretending to be asleep too, and then a perfect shot of him kissing your forehead. Grammable as fuck.

Er... is that drool he can see in one of those photos? ...You're going to have to wake up. You can't just drool on his brand-name jacket.

Beelzebub

"Oh."

He's used to people falling asleep on him, so this doesn't really throw him for much of a loop. However, he's a bit more careful of waking you up. He knows that if he wakes Belphie, he'll just fall back asleep within a few seconds, but you're not quite so adaptable. So he'll do his best to stay quiet and not move much.

But no matter how hard he tries, he's never going to be able to turn off his stomach. You'll probably wake up with a start as his stomach roars at you about twenty inches from your face.

Belphegor

"...zzzz..."

Who are we kidding, we all know he was asleep first. Probably, he's the reason you fell asleep so easily. He's soft and warm, perfect for drifting off to dreamland...

Diavolo

"Very bold! You really are astonishingly brave."

It's not every day someone has the stones to fall asleep in his presence, let alone fall asleep and use him as some sort of glorified pillow. What a nice change of pace.

He'll continue doing whatever it is he was doing before, but he is a busy demon, running the Devildom and all. He'll slowly and carefully extricate himself when it's time to move, then have Barbatos bring you a blanket and prepare some tea for when you wake up.

Barbatos

"Humans are awfully needy creatures, aren't they."

He can't help but chuckle. You just pass out during the middle of the day? Then again, it's possible you're probably not entirely well. He'll have to disturb the young master to ask what sort of accommodations to make for you. Of course, he's sure Diavolo won't mind. But it's irresponsible to let yourself drift off like this in the castle of the king of the demons, isn't it? This isn't a resort.

Sleep well, human.

Solomon

"You're just looking cute on purpose now, aren't you?"

Oh well! Looks like he's stuck here for now. Too bad. He'll smile, put an arm around you, kick his feet up, and settle in for the long haul. Hopefully you're able to get a good, solid nap in.

Most likely, you both will. He'll pass out too within ten minutes, give or take.

Simeon

"Oh- shh. There, there."

Well, if you aren't adorable... You must be so tired. He's glad you feel so at ease with him that you let yourself fall asleep, and you certainly look cute, but he's also a little concerned that you're this tired. He'll patiently wait for you to wake up. Then he'll make you some tea and gently remind you to take better care of your health.

Luke

"Eh...?! Hey! ...WAKE UP!"

How tired are you?! You need to get better sleep! Sheesh, you need to be more careful too. You almost crushed him.

[lovetei]

Because you're the lover of the highest ranking of demons and the apprentice of the strongest sorcerer known to mankind, people would think you're dangerous and violent at first.

But in reality, you don't like violence, in fact, you loath it. That's why the angels love you, you know how to protect yourself without causing harm to the other person.

But the fact that makes the angels love you scares the demons and the sorcerer.

That's right, you don't kill, but you cast spells to people that harms you spells that makes them wish you just kill them, that's terrifying.

[devildomwriter]

Belphegor & Asmo About Barbatos & Diavolo

They were literally talking about tea while fighting a dangerous monster whom they couldn’t hurt since it’s a protected species and extremely rare.

[mammons-lover]

Diavolo (wanders into the House of Lamentation, finding everyone dressed in black): What's going on here?

Belphegor: We’re holding a funeral for Mammon’s hamster.

Diavolo: Oh dear, I didn’t come prepared! No proper attire, and I didn’t bring any flowers.

Belphegor: It’s alright, Diavolo. This is more for Mammon’s sake than anyone else’s. Just take a seat; the service is about to start.

Diavolo looks around: Lucifer looks irritated, Satan and Levi are still digging a hole, Belphie is comforting a sobbing Beel, and Mammon approaches the podium. Diavolo sits next to Lucifer.

Mammon (sniffles): Thank you all for coming to Lucky’s funeral. He was a special guy, even if you didn’t know him.

Lucifer: Diavolo, what brings you here?

Diavolo: I was just stopping by because I was bored. I didn’t know there was a funeral. I’m sorry.

Lucifer: Don’t worry about it. It’s for a hamster.

Diavolo: How did it die?

Lucifer: Beel sat on him.

Diavolo: struggling to contain laughter

Lucifer: Do not laugh. Beel and Mammon are very emotional right now.

Mammon (voice trembling): Lucky had a great life. He loved Cheetos and running on his wheel. But now, thanks to “Beel’s fat ass!” he’s gone.

Asmodeus: Mammon! That’s not cool.

Belphegor: Hey, cut it out. He didn’t mean to!

Mammon (pointing at Beelzebub):  Did you hear him cry out, Beel?! Huh? I’m sure you didn’t, because your fat ass muffled his cries!

Beelzebub runs out of the garden, devastated.

Mammon (drops to his knees, looking up at the sky, crying): They took you too soon, Lucky! You deserved a glorious death, not to be squashed by a pair of cheeks!

Lucifer: Alright, that’s enough. Boys, put the hamster in the ground.

Diavolo: He really loved that hamster, huh? How long did he have it?

Lucifer: A day...

Mammon (throws himself onto Lucky’s grave): LUCKY, I WILL AVENGE YOU!

[squeakyducky]

Things I find cute that the OM! cast would do

- have a picture of MC inside their wallet

Lucifer, Mammon, Beel, Diavolo

- associate a character they like with MC

Simeon, Satan, Levi, Mammon

- the type to spam MC when they leave them on read

Mammon, Thirteen

- writes a love story based on MC and him

Levi, Simeon, Satan

- MC's personal space is his second home

Asmo, Belphie

- tell dad jokes

Solomon, Diavolo, Raphael

- likes to cook for MC

Luke, Barbatos, Solomon

- likes to cook with MC

Simeon, Solomon, Levi, Satan

- nags MC like a mom

Satan, Luke

- has an album dedicated to MC in their phone

Lucifer, Mammon, Beel, Asmo

[rae-writes]

if you could do r trying on a new pheromone perfume and the brothers (separately) are js like 👁️👁️ and suddenly pounces on them and readers js so confused you’d literally be godsent😫

(my inspiration was that one Rafayel scene from lds-)

suggestive || bonus characters bc harem || whether or not Mc knew it was pheromone perfume is up for debate || 1.k wc

Lucifer pauses for a brief second while not faltering in what he was doing, subtly trying to detect the cause of the scent invading every sense of his. He's one of the quickest to figure it out, eyes darkening as he empties his hands before gripping your waist and pulling you as close as physically possible; his face is in your neck before you can even blink and you both stay like that for a moment before he's silently tugging you to wherever he can sit down with you on top of him

Mammon's head snaps up so fast it almost hurts, eyes zeroing in on you. He knows where the scent is coming from, but he just doesn't understand why you suddenly smell even better than usual...he ain't shy as he slides his fingers over your wrist, up your forearm, going until he's caressing the slope of your neck. His breathing is shaky and his voice cracks a little when he whispers how intoxicated you're making him feel. He's got you laid down against the closest flat surface so he can run his hands over you, nose buried against the underside of your jaw as he breathes you in until he's damn near drunk off it

Levi's tail acts faster than he does, curling around your thighs and yanking you closer before he catches up with the action. His embarrassment is cut off when he finally registers the smell, too, and suddenly his face is red for a different reason. He'll fire off a million questions, adding his own jumbled thoughts in between, subconsciously latching every possible limb around you; his face is buried against your chest, fangs accidentally brushing the skin as he stutters out apologies, but doesn't stop

Satan perks up much like a cat, intense blue-green hues staring you down like he's ready to actually pounce. He approaches slowly, trying to figure out the source of your new scent on the way over, but ultimately decides to bury himself against you— your neck, chest, shoulder, nape— breathily asking what you were doing to him. He feels like he's been drugged, almost like a feline with catnip, but it's so dizzily good that he can't complain. Drags you off to where no one will be able to find you, so that your scent won't find anyone but him

Asmo is giddy the second he catches a wiff, easily pinpointing the reason for your scent change, and the exact listing of the brand you used. He's shameless as he requests a thorough product review, rubbing his frame up against yours as he holds you from behind, eyes peering over your shoulder with a bright pink hue. Cheekily insists that you’re better off without so many clothes on, wanting your scent to rub off on him so you can match (and so he can smell it for the rest of the day).

Beel is confused when the food in his mouth isn’t tasting as good as it should. The scent invades his nose, making his eyes search for what has to be a delicious source, only to find you instead of something edible. He’s all over you, mumbling out apologies and that he doesn’t know what’s gotten into him, asking won’t you please let him just…be near you? He trails after you like a puppy, not really sure why you’re captivating his entire being with just your smell. His mouth eventually finds your neck, nibbling and sucking as he tries to get a ‘taste’ of that scent.

Belphie, while unwilling to get up out of his spot, is instantly at attention with eyes following you around the room. He’ll whine and complain until he’s got you at his side, trapping you in his arms and against his lounging form. He’s almost tense, as he inhales that new scent, like a ram waiting to charge. His tone is lazy and drawn out, but tinged with a need that he’s confused about, yet so willing to dive into. He’s surrounded by you, literally and figuratively, as he keeps you tight in his arms, not above begging to get his way.

Diavolo is so fucking clueless, wide eyes blinking up at you almost innocently as he asks if you were wearing a new perfume. He finds himself inching closer to you, gaze never leaving your figure for long— a gaze that get darker and more lidded as time passes. He’s still clueless as ever, yet doesn’t mind the mystery since he’s always willing for an excuse to be with you. His cheeks are flushed and his touch a tad hesitant, but it all flies out the window when you allow him to bury his face against your abdomen, kneeling on the floor, letting his mind swim.

Barbatos takes one glance at you after catching on to the scent and knows, but unlike the pudding incident when he fled the scene, he’s coiling you up with his tail and keeping you impossibly close, unwilling to let anyone have you this time. Unabashedly, his nose is trailing along the slope of your neck, lips brushing the skin as he places slow kisses over all the right spots. Whether or not he does or doesn’t have time to spare, he’s whisking you away and trapping you against his frame, almost begging you to let him be selfish and improper as he inhales your scent with an abandon that would usually make him pause; he can forgive himself, if it’s because of you, unwilling to let go of this opportunity at your eager answer of ‘yes’.

Mephisto almost trips as he passes you by in the hallways of RAD, whirling around to gape at you rather dumbly. Stubbornly fights the urge to follow you for all of thirty seconds before he’s trailing after you with urgency. Manages to simply walk alongside you and keep polite small talk just until you’re both out of eyesight, because then he’s pulling you towards him and groaning, asking what the hell you thought you were doing walking around other demons while smelling so good. It’s a struggle to keep a dignified facade when he’s rushing you down the corridor— but once he gets you in a room, it’s all crumbling as he latches his lips to your neck’s pulse point. The Newspaper Club’s office is closed until further notice.

Solomon doesn’t really register the smell at first, both because it’s more subtle for humans, and because he was playing around with various potions— but once he did catch the smell after you’d gotten closer, he’s swiping everything to the side and placing you on the table instead. He is allll over you, not even hiding the flush on his cheeks as he inhales your scent; practically panting in the crook of your neck. Apologizes if you had something planned later, because he’s keeping you for the rest of the day, wanting to experiment with your new perfume. He knows he’s being overly touchy and a…bit desperate, but just indulge in his whims, yeah?

Simeon’s pretty sure that his heart was going to beat straight out of his chest. He couldn’t understand why he felt so warm and fuzzy all the sudden, but had a feeling it was probably because of you (because only you could make him feel this way). Shyly asks if he could sit closer to you, pleasantly surprised when you tug his head to rest in your lap. His fingers lift your shirt up just enough for him to press his nose against a sliver of skin, face buried against your stomach as his hands grip and massage your thighs. Genuinely content to just lay there and let your scent consume him, though he won’t argue if you ask to help him out.

Raphael…thinks he’s sick. Which is odd, because he hasn’t been sick in a few centuries, but then again..you make him feel…odd. Which is why he walked straight up to you and flat out asked if you were doing it on purpose— why did you smell so good? Why was it making him like this?? He’ll have to be guided, your hand leading both of his to your hips, his head tucking into your neck. He’s still confused, but more than willing to investigate. You’re so..enchanting…he can make idle complaints all day long, but he refuses to let go of you now. He likes how it feels. And he likes the way you react to him.

[rainiishowers]

Lucifer: *Wears a slightly lighter shade of black*

Asmodeus: I see you're bursting out the spring colors.

———

Mammon, rolling down the car window: what seems to be the problem, officer?

Cop: get the FUCK out of my car

———

Luke: A mosquito tried to bite me and I slapped it and killed it

Luke: And I started thinking

Luke: Like it was just trying to get food

Luke: What if I went to the fridge and it just slammed the door shut and snapped my neck

Luke: How would I feel

Simeon: Are you okay???

———

Mammon: You should always say "please" and "thank you".

Baby! Satan, deadpanned: Please shut the fuck up, thank you.

Mammon: Not what I meant, but still progress!

———

Mammon: *flirts with MC*

MC: *flirts back*

Mammon, internally: i did not plan up to this point. what the fuck do i do now…?

———

Belphegor: *washing the dishes* Who the fuck used this pan??

Belphegor: Wait. I the fuck used this pan...

MC: It was you the fuck

Satan: Who cooks rice in a pan?

Beelzebub: He the fuck

———

MC: If I blended Red Bull, five hour energy, monster, coffee, and hot Cheetos into an Energy Smoothie would it kill me?

Solomon: *shrugs* Only if you die young

MC, getting out the blender: You're so smart

Mammon, running into the room: MC STOP-

———

Satan: I'm gonna open a cat cafe, but I need investors. Here's the plan. The first floor will have normal cats, but as you go up, each floor will have more and more dangerous cats, and at the top floor is me with a gun.

———

Beelzebub: *is carrying all the groceries*

M: *holds out hand to help*

Beelzebub: *aggressively moves all the groceries to one hand to hold MC’s hand*

———

Asmo: And once again, Asmo and Solomon save the day.

Barbatos: You didn't do anything. It was all Solomon.

Asmodeus: We're a package deal. Everyone knows that.

———

Diavolo: Would you kiss me for 1k grimm?

Lucifer: Why?

Diavolo: Just curious

Lucifer, playing along: ..I suppose

Diavolo: [Slams 1k onto the table] would you look at that-