#now to actually do a light study
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hmmmmmmm i caught myself wondering how saturated a color was on a street sign....
#tko_art#dislike how the tendril covers up the SCAPULA#cuz i thought that part was very sexy#anyway#this is looking ruff but as my first official lighting? skin? study i like how it turned out#some stuff I glossed over but booooo#let me have a win#i don't give a shit about the rose sorry i just want to be done now#sighhhhhhhhhhhh#now to actually do a light study#hm#ignore the part where there's like zero shadows + lighting to the shadowy tendrils#i'm tired and i wanna be done#lol#a win is a win#fuck off?
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cant stop thinkin bout charles and erik readin together on the couch but instead of reading with him charles is listening to eriks thoughts while he reads. Live mind commentary ……..
#xmen#cherik#charles xavier#erik lehnsherr#snap chats#the rare time i post an idea of mine only because i really cant think of a way id draw this#usually i hoard my ideas cause i like surprising you guys but this aint really one i feel like drawing so. For You my friends#like i COULD but. idk just isnt particularly something im itching to draw it just seems cute#but anyways no chat let me cook alright hear me out cause i talk in my brain all the time while i read#sometimes i stop reading just to think about a bit i read yeah#i want charles to listen in on all of eriks side comments or observations he makes while reading something#like if he wanted to charles could read the whole book in less than five minutes- maybe shorter than that#and that aint fun that aint cool …. so time for Audible: Husband Edition. With Commentary#ITD BE SO COZY just hangin out by the fireplace …. maybe its snowin outisde … if snow even exists anymore atp#a light fire cracklin and the study SEEMS totally quiet otherwise and yet…..#charles has been locked in to erik’s off-the-cuff literary analysis and mild comments for the past twenty minutes. its simple but its bliss#charles doesnt have to worry about being seen as invasive .. he doesnt have to suppress his powers …#the rare occasion erik lets charles into his mind for somethin so innocent .. ive made myself sick i fear#see now i wanna try writing a fic but 1.) have written in years 2.) id have to really think hard on how erik would commentate on a book#hm…… actually i do wonder what erik’s commentary on The Fable of the Bees would be …..#IN ANY CASE. maybe - at the very least- i can draw cherik by the fireplce someday ….#thatd be cute … hm …. depends on if i get in the mood for it down the line#anyways i have to drive back to my dorm !!! boo !!!! so good night everyone !!!!!
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mr sandman ..... bring me a wip (bum bum bum bum) make it the roughest wip that ever wipped (bum bum bum bum)
#digital art#morpheus#dream of the endless#the sandman#sandman#bro is so ripped in ep 1 that i have to go do actual muscle studies now#lord of dreams#tamart#work in progress#wip#the endless#something is off about the pose#the lighting too#and it's driving me INSANE#i cant figure out what's wrong with it ARGGHGGGG
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boards season is over and there's going to be a mass burnout because all of us spent the last two months on minimal sleep, oversaturated on coffee
so here's a few reminders:
you did good. stop worrying about it stop trying to calculate what your percentage might be stop thinking about the dumb mistakes you could've avoided, its okay. you did good.
take a break, even if for a day or two because i know a lot of us have a whole lot of entrance tests coming up. but our brains and bodies have been on overdrive so take a break, you deserve it
rejuvenate. try slowly bringing yourself back into a normal schedule. work on fixing your sleep schedule, work on eating better. there's a long road ahead of us, you want to have a healthy sustainable routine to make it through this.
explore. it is not too late to change your path, i promise. this is the last chance you get to change your mind, don't waste it. explore your options now that you have full knowledge about your strengths and limits, there is so much more out there than we've been told. there are so many options i guarantee you will find your perfect fit, don't compromise on your future by just going along with the crowd, find what you want to do and work for it.
lots of love <3
#seriously stop worrying#it'll be okay#we'll be fine#for those who arent sure about college and what exactly to do#there is still time#there are so many options besides the three main things parents keep pushing us to do#give as many exams as possible#i guarantee you u will find something you like#this is the time to explore if not now then never#it is not too late to change paths it is not too late to try something else it is not too late to discover what you actually want to do#i promise#study#studyblr#self help#self improvement#studyspo#chaotic academic aesthetic#study motivation#dark academia#light academia#study inspo#study tips#studyblr community#desiblr#desi tag
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I think the moment Light's crush on L first smacked him in the manga (like when it finally rooted and started blooming in his guts) was when L was like "you're my first ever friend" whilst smirking into his teacup. And not because Light fully believed he was being sincere about being friends, but because he KNEW L was slyly teasing him and speaking to him on more than one level at once. Nothing more unexpected funny flattering and intriguing than that for him right then
#im thinking about this specifically because of that post about the girl getting a huge crush on her enemy that saved all her threats#bc that's basically that moment for light i think#light tries to squash all positive emotions towards others at all times when he's kira if they interfere with his plans after all#but if L does something like this to him then it forces him to think about his feelings in a strategic preparation sort of way#nay dare i say it basically is giving light permission to do so#he can now hold off on completely stamping out those feelings as soon as they arise#almost (he thinks) as a way to study his enemy and see how full of shit he may or may not actually be about such things#this moment probably starts a shift in light where he can allow himself to acknowledge that he maybe has a bit more than just#enemy feels for L you know#bc maybe L also is having other kinds of feels about him??#whether or not it's true it would impress him as a bold move#and kickstart him having to analyze what he actually does sincerely feel for L#and maybe start reframing and recontextualizing a lot of their tense ambiguous interactions up til that point secretly as well#heck we basically see him doing that when hes like lounging at his desk going HAH if it's friendship he wants then by god it's friendship#he will get#and this game of chicken with L about saying theyre friends keeps him from being able to completely avoid confronting#any complicated feels#like he otherwise probably would#because he legit cant back down from preparing for another battle of the wits with L#both because of his competitive pride and his genuine need to protect himself#would he call it a crush to himself yet#no probably not#i feel like that came later much later#he def would have acknowledged it as such by the end of the story tho#essentially L found a way to create a little wedge to ram in the door to Light's feels#and that is a smart enough move to probably have made Light start developing a crush on him even if he didn't have one already#l lawliet#light yagami#lawlight#p
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Just when I think the day's going well, I crash a golf cart
#summer camp tag#ace is a mess#i do not have a drivers license and i havent even been behind the wheel in like 4 years since i stopped lessons cus of the pandemic#the day was going fine i got loads done didnt feel like i was irritating my director too bad#doing some paperwork for her and she says when im done well take the golf cart out while its not currently raining#im like ooh fun never been in a golf cart before i see the higher up staff in them im not gonna say no to chilling in a golf cart#i did not realise that meant i would be driving esp when she asked if id been in one before and i said no#she then asked if i could drive and i said not really thought that would be it#cus i was supposed to be studying for my theory before working towards my practical#but no she insists im driving and first off i gotta reverse outta this bay now at least i didnt have to think about gears#but i hate tryna figure out how to turn whilst in reverse in mess with my brain im not great with shape visualisation#we do all our stops its fine for the most part a lil too fast going down some of the hills#and some tight turns but my turns were always like that cus im too busy focusing on the most immediate thing#we get back i park fine and then shes like oh actually there are some more stops we can make so i reverse and turn back out#do our two stops with only minimal confusion about direction then as i go to park into the bay we came from#shes like oh actually park in the bay closest to the health centre and what i should have done was reversed and adjusted my angle#instead i drove directly into the supporting beam separating the two bays 🙃😭#i immediately turn the cart off and expect her to switch with me instead shes like laughing it off oh it was just a little bump it was fine#im like it was not that was a loud ass bang i feel so bad and then she lifts up the light cover i broke off saying its just a scratch#and i feel worse so pf course thats when the camp director comes out to check on the noise and i dont think ive ever worn a guiltier look#but theyre both laughing it off oh just having a little driving lesson :) and i am mortified#she gets back in the cart and shes still insisting that its fine and i should still park after that which i do with great trepidation#but there are no more problems and the lights still work but the cover does need fixing and i just oh my god#ive never crashed before never clipped or scratched a car so of course id crash the golf cart trying to park of all things 😭
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art block so bad I decided to post my first photostudy that used painted values. I think this was like 3 years ago now
#monumental for ms actually#it put me on the grind!!#my very first photo study happened to be timothee chalamet but i had NO idea it was him the entire time#jumpscared me when i looked him up and the ref was there#my consolation is that i could do this better and more interesting now. implies lighting is very important#slipperlations#*implied not implies 😭
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It's always interesting to hear about people's weird/unexpected "alternate life paths". Like, something that you could have done with your life, a job you almost took, a school you almost went to, etc - that was still actually realistic enough that it could have happened, but NOW it seems to not suit your current personality.
Like for example, I currently hate advertising (how manipulative it is, brands trying to be 'relatable', social media amplifying it to an obnoxious extreme, etc.) so much that even seeing a little ad before a youtube video is grating to even witness, but there was a point in time where I was genuinely seriously considering going into marketing/making commercials as a career lol. Or like, I have a relative who was very inclined to be a pastor when they were younger, even though today they're a super strong atheist, etc. etc.
#BECAUSE I knew I really liked filming and editing things and doing set design and costume design (from having done little bits of that#here and there in media classes and my own stuff - i used to be a lot more into making videos than I am now). BUT I was always thinking#that a movie is WAAY to big and long. even a short film. So I was trying to think of ways I could still like#have the fun of scouting locations to film and dressing up actors and etc. etc. without it having to be a Huge Million Dollar Production#on tv show or movie level. SO then I was thinking about like... just doing commercials. Or music videos. Like shorter things where I still#get the fun of the filming and everything but it's less of an intensive long term project.#So there is an alternate version of me (I suppose if i somehow did not end up having physical and mental health issues#as badly somehow.. or like.. randomly came into wealth and was able to pay my way through a nice college despite missing#days constantly being out because I'm sick or something lol) that works in some corporate advertising office coming up with commercials#and directing or filming them or doing the sets for them or something in that general vicinity.#I also was considering being a corporate psychologist. or whatever its called.. oh from google:#''Industrial and organizational (I/O) psychologists study and assess individual group and organization dynamics in the workplace''#I don't think I even knew what the job entailed. I was at the time just thinking like.. the type of person that comes into a business offic#and gives everyone personality assessments or does MBTI or big-5 testing crap for whatever reason that some businesses get that#done for people. Really i just wanted to be in a Corporate Big Office setting yet still do psychology. Because I used to be really fixated#on living in a big city. Like the ideas of everything being walkable. picking up a coffee in the morning. walking to my job in a Big#Skyscraper Building. people watching in a huge hotel lobby for lunch. flying frequently (I love airplanes and airports aesthetically).#living in an apartment with a giant window overlooking the city. etc. etc. BUT that was before i had really BEEN to a city. Then I actually#hung around a city a few times and went places and I was like... AUGh... The Sensory Overwhelm.. cars people lights loudness noise scary#everything happening all at once. etc. etc. (though even when I wanted to live in a city i NEVER strove for the Night Life. when i say I#enjoy city imagery I mean like... in the day time. Many people who like cities talk about The Night Life and post pictures of cities all#lit up at night and clubs and dancing and restaurants. none of that EVER appealed to me. perhaps a sign I am not a real city person. Like#I am NOT standing in a crowded bar full of loud people in the middle of the night lol.. get AWAY from me!!) but I do adore the#architecture of like bright white clean sterile modern spaces like huge airport lobbies or malls or etc. I think thats what reminded me of#city and what I liked about the idea of that life. Like I always LOVED the layout of schools and hospitals and trainstations and public#transport in general. Though even then I knew enough that I would not be a good architect/city planner. so I guess my adoration for those#spaces was merely to be channeled into LIVING there. but then I realized I didn't even really want to do that that much. I mean I still#definitely aim to live NEAR a city. like the little areas outside of it. I would never live in a rural place 4 hours from anything. I liter#ally just COULDNT since I need close access to hospitals sometimes lol. But I used to want to live in the CENTER of citites like high rise#condo. and now I'm like.... eh....... perhaps a smaller quieter walkable space nearby lol.. ANYWAY.. alternate me in my Business Suit eheh
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screenshot study! from the movie the sea beast which has SUCH pretty shots :)
this was very useful! i learned that something like this is way over my head rn 😅 it's the first time ive ever done a painted figure study and i can see why people struggle with them! it's a HUGE leap from shading in spheres or eggs. but now that i've seen how i struggle i can start to tackle it! huge difference from before where i was just feeling lost and didn't know how to proceed :)
edit: her dress is apparently fucking YELLOW!! i told you. i warned you about yellow
#the sea beast#also i finally found a good playlist on spotify 😅thank fuck . i couldnt listen to any more mnm#but yea! now because of my previous studies where ive seen that i can improve if i focus one area#and seeing here where the difficulty level is (much higher above me lol)#i can kind of triangulate what i have to do next :) which clears my big ass mental block#but yeah idk HOW i ever thought i could learn this just from looking at other ppls art! and not an actual real (relatively) 3d scene#portraits arent even in the same ballpark btw. telling u that so someone will#understanding light and form is COMPLETELY different#:) also what do you think of my clouds! better right#the shapes r a lil wack but we'll get to shape language later lol#art stuff#painting practice
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I NEED. TO DO. OR MAKE SOMETHING. PLEASE
#actually I haven’t had this overwhelming creative energy in a while it feels TERRIBLE thank you very much#okay the thing is. there’s like many things actually so I am going to go Explode in the tags now#the first thing that I am like painfully terribly aching to do is Write something#I talked about this the other day but like. first of all I haven’t added anything to my poems collection for a while and the other day I re#d this beautifully beautifully written story and now I’m like. INEED. TO WRITE A FUCKINGN BOOK#and then there’s also Knitting. a few months ago we impulsively purchased a bunch of knitting tools and now it’s just sitting in my house b#cause I tried it once and I couldn’t do it so I kind of. gave up. now suddenly I want to like. knit a scarf AND ITS EATING AWAY AT ME#I NEED TO LIKE. SIT DOEN AND WATCH A YOUTUBE TUTORIAL AND MAN I COULD TOTALLY DO THAT BECAUSE IM ON HOLIDAY#BUT LIKE. THERES A MILLION OTHER THINGS I WANT TO DO SO IF COURSE THE OPTION MY BRAIN PICKS IS#DO NOTHING AT ALL.#also this is a bit of a silly one but like. I have this long long loooong list in my notes app that I started in 2021#and it’s just Big words. and like. the thing is they used to stick in my brain. I used to be able to add them to the list and use it whenev#needed. now I just write it down and it’s GONE and that makes me want to put myself in an oven because WHY.#I NEED. TO BE THAT PERSON. WITH THE USELESSLY ABYSSAL VOCABULARY#SO I REALLY JUST WABT TO SIT DOWN FOR 2 HOURS AND MEMORISE AND STUDY BUT then again. my brain is all or nothing and#usually it is the latter#another thing is my sketchbook. haven’t added to that in a while and I want to do that but then I will have to wait til sunset or daylight#because I physically cannot create art with artificial electrical light. but then I’ll have to wait til tomorrow and#I really also want to go outside and just exist before I have no time to after break ends#so Yeah.
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and I'm having thoughts again
so I've been watching that John Larroquette interview that I reblogged on repeat for half an hour now and I'm just. man I am so very....... okay I'm trying not to say that I'm stupid anymore but god what else is there to say. it's making me feel like my brain just turns off and all there is is static and [insert very high frequency screaming sound].
like I would love to be able to have actual thoughts about this shit but I am not. I just love love love people who think about shit and face their issues and work on getting better. and talk about it. like it's just a thing that happened. because it is. it's not 'oh you did bad shit in your past so you're fucked forever now'. it's 'bad shit happened, I did bad things, I confronted it, I made different choices' and that's it. I just. man I'm feeling really emotional and am probably gonna have a good long cry about this now.
#one thought that I had when my brain stopped just loudly screaming at me was#oh I totally always think I wouldn't ever end up in a cult. because it's not something that would appeal to me and shit. I'm suspicious of#anything like that. one person claiming to know everything and all that#and it just hit me like. DUDE. you would absolutely 100% end up in a cult if the right guy was leading it#like if he had a cult that I could join right now? oh dude I'd be so in. kinda joking but also like. come on I am so fucking obsessive I#would absolutely fall for that#(and lets not even get into the whole thing of actually getting attention from the person I'd be obsessed with. oh it'd be bad. it'd fuck#me up. I'd be so easy to convince if we're being honest....)#but anyway I just. I don't know#honestly though? I just love studying one person at a time from afar like. hi I would immediately explode if I ever met this man I could not#handle it. but I can absolutely find out everything I can about him and study him like. something that normal people would study idk I'm#insane.#anyway man that was a weird tangent#true tho.#I don't want to make light of actual addictions like alcoholism. I'm not. addicted I guess. but I'm absolutely fucking obsessive about shit#and I absolutely know it cannot be healthy to keep doing this#like dude you have no life because all you do is watch other people live theirs. why am I studying this man's life like it matters. it's not#making anything better. knowing every damn thing he did in the 80s will not make up for the fact that I don't have. anything.#fuck now I'm really crying oh well this really took a weird turn#fuuuuck.#personal
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i love when you make your environment absolutely perfect to Get Shit Done like i had a nap i ate food and made coffee i put the big light on i got in comfy clothes i made sure i was warm enough i got all my stuff out. and then executive dysfunction goes 'watch this!' and you get nothing done forever and ever
#sincerely a girlie who has a microeconomics exam TOMORROW and was supposed to start studying an hour ago#and i hear your 'most revision the night before is just reassurance bc if u dont know it by now you wont! you'll be fine!'#but im TELLING YOU i will not be fine#i have 50 flashcards to memorise#i have not started#and i dont even mind memorising flashcards bc as dull as it is im really fucking good at bulk memorising shit#like i can memorise 300 flashcards in a night for an exam the next day (<- tried and tested)#(i did all my gcse geography revision the night before by doing this and i was three marks off a grade 9 ur girl can MEMORISE)#and i get into a real groove of it so like. WHAT IS THE ISSUE HERE#JUST DO YOUR FLASHCARDS BITCH WHY ARE U READING FIC#im so burnt out and exams havent even started pray for me please#might shower and see if that wakes me up#my flat has like an actual power shower i have MISSED HER my home shower is this shitty electric one that feels more like light rain#oh yeah im back at uni btw! i missed my bed sm i forgot how comfy she was#hella goes to uni
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Ah the autistic experience of randomly remembering a situation from your childhood and realizing things
#i asked a teacher once if I could go Over the needed word count and she said something mean in return in front of the class#i used to write essays for fun and I remember that I liked the topic and I definitely wanted to infodump in the essay#i attempted to stay calm and realized I was going to really start crying and excused myself to the bathroom#where a really kind upperclassman immediately noticed my distress and hugged me and helped me calm down#or how about. the first time someone gave me a hug I actually enjoyed. and it was because he hugged me with really tight pressure#whereas all hugs I’d had previous were light and always left me uncomfortable from touching and having to lean over awkwardly#i always felt like i was about to fall over in hugs because I would try to return the favor of light touches and overbalanced myself usually#or how about. or how about. or how about.#so on and so forth. the autism was there at every moment of my life and no one noticed. even now unless I point out specifics#or spoon feed people tidbits of research I’ve done that upends their biases#people tend to immediately refuse to acknowledge or believe me. i don’t have the money for a diagnosis nor do I desire any of the#discrimination that comes from having a formal diagnosis. and the lack of one is almost always a point of contention when I explain things#hell I used to refuse to consider the idea myself because it felt like I was taking away from other peoples experiences#which was stupid because as the great High School Musical once said. We’re all in this together.#did Not help that I had an ex years ago who I did voice my theories to and got shut down rather harshly#idk just feeling nostalgic for the childhood I could have had in a perfect world.#a world where people were kind. a world with better healthcare. a world with better research studies to broaden understanding of diagnoses.#i want to go back in time on multiple trips and give my younger self tight squeezing hugs so often through my childhood that I would never#have had to think that hugs were supposed to be something you just tolerate
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(wip) Party and Ghoul doodle that might turn in a scene in the comic I'm making but who knows
originally kinda made this for the cringetober prompt 'niche interest' but I liked the scene enough that I wanted to spend more than a day on it lmao
#my side profile for party is soooooo goddamn inconsistent#also Ghoul's saying 'No; man; that's-'#(with the ; as commas)#party's hair's a little too cowlick-y but hey it fits the scene in context#idk why I keep talking about the comic idk if I'm even gonna post it#God the hands are so bad. baby steps baby steps#I really need to do hand studies#FUXK I FORGOR A COMMA#aw well 👍 Ghouls just kinda rude now#does anyone even read these tags?#paper looks more textured than normal cause I actually got under good lighting for once#need to learn how to do more like. composition shit#idkkkkkk so much to learn so little skill#party poison fanart#my art#traditional art#art wip#danger days#ttlotfk#ddttlotfk#fun ghoul#fun ghoul fanart#danger days fanart#funparty#funpoison#<- idk which is actually their ship name but w/e#love drawing Ghoul speaking afrikaans#spiritually healing#ek is soo lif (?) vir him sy's soos my net beater#if there's any mistakes in that shhhhhh I'm tired
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#my guys getting a ~new diagnosis at 25 is EXHAUSTING???#at least as a chronic overthinker ig bc whew#every day i swing from oohhh yep im definitely autistic to noooo i don't think i fit it enough esp sensory wise and blabla#i make eyecontact (but now im thinking about it and it's like being conscious of your breathing yk?? and then it's like. is that why#it doesn't feel that natural suddenly or??? and if im a little uncomfortable i stop making eyecontact but ig that's ~normal)#and then with noise and light i don't KNOW i don't know if it's all bc im paying attention now#like you see MAYBE im just pretending my depression symptoms/self-dislike are autism but what actually happens is just that#and i wonder like is my almost compulsively picking at my nails or scabs (i know) stimming or? and what stims would i like how do you KNOW#anyways. had autism group therapy last week and it was v chill and lowkey and also relatable at times though we didn't cover that much#but the overhead lights stayed off and that was great bc i hate u massive tl lights (but im prone to migraines so who knows!)#anyways. my mum did say it makes sense to her and my sister accepted it in a heartbeat JDMDMD and she studies psych and had to#deal with me growing up and bossing her around (our strongest soldier)#and on holidays it takes me a week to get settled usually but i THOUGHT that was depression bc i feel isolated and lonely for a while#so yknow??? sighhhh i am discussing this in therapy but i wanna KNOW i want facts so i can speed through the acceptance process cmon#(i know.......)#anyways. if you're still reading 1) mwah and 2) input is always welcome#insofar any of this made sense
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creating a new dnd character is so fun like what the fuck
#currently developing my drow paladin's backstory and shit some more and jshsgsj they are so different from caim#bc caim is like. a good person in general! they have some issues but overall they try their best#meanwhile valkyon (the drow) is like. they 100% believe they're also a good person. when in reality. they are not.#they're a vigilante who kills people who they believe are bad and are trying to get stroger and stronger..........#ngl val might have been kinda inspired by light yagami. alongside kotoko yuzuriha from milgram#what can i say. characters who have a strong sense of justice and then start killing people who they believe deserve it are sooo interesting#i wanna study them under a microscope#and that's exactly why im making a character like that!#also trying to make them visually distinct from caim is also really interesting#i think i have the facial features down. where caim is a bit soft and round val is all sharp edges#sharp cheekbones. straight nose. more angular eyes#now i also have to also design an outfit for them which will be a bit more difficult but i think i can do it#they're a dex paladin so i can't just go for full on armor. gonna have to play around with that for sure.#i know i wanna include a shoulder cape or something of the sort#ooooh actually i just googled shoulder capes (to see if there's any other word for it) and saw something cool on google images.#gonna have to come back to it later#but yeahhh i guess i know what im doing tonight#as well as learning a bit more about how to play a paladin before the oneshot on friday#wish me luck ig#hananans
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