#now this with literally not a single trigger that can explain it

[wolviensabes]

Logan and pregnancy.

RQ: 'Logan taking care of his pregnant girlfriend perchance 🤔' -@wheezyth3dem0n

Warnings: F!reader, pregnancy themes, written in HC style.

A/N: I just wrote pregnancy hcs on my main blog so let's keep the theme going. Ignore grammar mistakes, not edited.

Logan knows you're pregnant instantly when the scent of your hormones change.

He looks to you and he isn't sure how to feel just yet. He hadn't planned on getting you pregnant, it wasn't something that he ever thought about. But it was his reality now, and he wasn't too sure on how to feel.

He was just a little wary jumping into something so permeant, considering your lifestyles. The dangers that are involved, all he thought about was how the baby would be in constant danger. Especially knowing it would most likely be mutant.

You were a little hurt, knowing he was a bit standoffish since the discovery, but after some thinking he had come around and explained what he was thinking about, and how he was just worried about its upbringing. It was reassuring that he comforted you in this sense, even if it initially hurt when he backed off.

"M'sorry, this is all...new to me. I never thought I'd be a dad...of all people." Logan grumbled to you, rubbing your back to try to reassure you that he was happy, it was just...a lot for him to take in.

When you begin to show, Logan's presence starts to become more and more. His missions are spread out a bit more, and he spends more time around you. At first, your pregnancy is mostly independent, besides him being around in the evening. You figure it's because he's still processing that you are carrying his kin, but as he starts to come around more often, you're surprised but decide not to mention it.

Logan starts to observe you closer, his hands often find your belly and rub it. He can hear the heartbeat, and he leans closer so he can rest by your belly. Most nights are like this when he's not holding you. He pays close attention to your habits, as well as schedule, memorizing everything you do day to day. When you get a little bigger, he notices daily tasks are a bit more difficult for you.

"Let me help," Logan insisted gruffly, watching you try to pick up clothes for laundry. He worded it more like a demand than offer, he didn't like how you were bending over so often.

"I got it, Logan, really," your stubbornness insisted you could handle it, but he had his doubts. He could see your clear struggle, he could sense you were tired but you were so stubborn.

"Enough." he demanded and gently pulled you away from the laundry, his arms strong around you and easily maneuvering you around. He sat you down and pointed at you. "Stay." he ordered.

Logan brings you food, he doesn't cook a lot but he still tries. He gets help from Jean or Storm. But he's always the one to bring it to you. He displays a lot of instinctual habits by now, especially since you're showing more now. Something inside him just...triggers when he sees your swollen belly. When you walk around the mansion for some exercise, he is right there with you, his eyes scanning the halls and every single person around you.

He growls at people who come close, he is so insanely protective over you now. It shocks you the first time he about lunges at Scott when he asked you how far along you were. "Logan!" you watched your feral boyfriend literally snarling at Scott.

"Get your eye off her, slim." he hissed, his voice was venomous and mean. Scott was just as surprised, even for Logan he was acting much more aggressive. You pulled Logan along, muttering an apology to Scott along the way.

"Logan what the hell! He was just asking how far I was," you muttered, your bristled boyfriend still had an irritated expression. His nostrils flared as he looked down at you. "Easy...it's fine. He's gone, just relax..." you rubbed your hands over his chest, soothing him from his protective mode.

He piles you into the shared room you have, he gets you all settled on the bed and cozy, there are so many blankets and pillows there and they act as excellent support for your large belly. He makes sure you're as comfy as possible, he fusses a lot by grumbling and making sure you have enough blankets. "Keep the baby warm." he grunts at you, covering you with a blanket as if your baby will get cold.

Logan likes to lay close to your belly, he can hear the baby and smell the change you emit because of all the hormones. He hears the baby moving around too, he enjoys listening to his little one in there.

You end up bound to the bed for a while, your ankles were so swollen and you were weak as the pregnancy progressed. You relied on him and he was more than happy to comply. He rubs your swollen ankles and feet, leaning forward and letting his facial hair tickle your belly.

When you feel your hormones flare, you get emotional and worried about labor and birth, all the normal worries for a mother to be. Logan sits with you and lets you vent your worries, but he is also the voice of reason during your emotional episodes. He always reassured you, telling you it would be alright, he was here with you, and he'd never let anything happen to you.

When your little one does arrive, it will be the most protected baby on the planet, not only the baby, but you too. Like hell anyone will get the chance to harm you with Logan by your side.

Thanks for reading.

Dividers by @/strangergraphics

[starvingnarcissistmusic]

thinking about mal du pays again. you’d think literally writing a whole ass song about it would be enough to cleanse my brain of this creature but no. not even close. still thinking about em. winner of the worlds worst coping mechanism award.

most readings of a post canon mdp are kind of like a moody siffrin-repression detector, which is cool and pretty fun, but my favorite part of mdp in the game was how deeply dreadful its entire encounter was.

i keep imagining a post canon au where mdp follows the gang to bambouche. with siffrin incapacitated by the events of the game, the party slowly realizes something’s following them, but are unable to do anything as it slowly encroaches upon them.

bonnie wakes up in the middle of the night, with a shadow of siffrin motionless at the foot of their bed. it speaks in their voice and tells them that they hate siffrin for letting them die. they don’t know what it’s talking about, but a deep pit opens in their stomach when it speaks. they don’t sleep at all that night, watching the thing standing motionless at their bed, scared it’ll move when they take their eyes off of it.

mirabelle keeps seeing it out there, spiral eyes staring back at her from the woods. until one night she awakes and finds it’s broken into her tent. it keeps grabbing her wrist, driving her hand into its cheek, crying “i can’t wait to never see you again.” in her voice.

isabeau wakes up one night to find it’s crawled into bed with him. and yet, even as it curls up against him, it keeps telling him (or maybe itself?) that he only loves it because it made it love him. he doesn’t really know what to do except try to hold still, and let it spin its wheels until it leaves in the morning.

odile i think would probably be the least affected by mdp. i think the mystery of it would trigger her researcher brain and override most of the horror. i can imagine she’d even go out at night on purpose just to find it. and hey, it finds her! once she gets over the weird voice mimicking thing, she finds it’s pretty docile… at least for now. although, strangely it keeps trying to get her to grab at its collar. the one time she obliged, it went limp like a cat held by the scruff of its neck.

obviously the party is concerned. despite the thing following them being… harmless, mostly, they still can’t shake the feeling that it could be dangerous. when siffrin finally recovers enough to be lucid, they’re terrified that their homesickness has quite literally followed them back onto the road, and even more so that now it’s interacting with their *family* and freaking everyone out. if he even remotely sees it, he panics and passes out.

and like. the whole party knows it’s a sadness, but they’ve literally never seen sadnesses act the way mdp does. and while siffrin is out and unable to explain, it’s up to the party to try and figure out just what the thing following them even wants, if anything at all.

(also had a fun idea that until odile does some research with it, the party doesn’t know what its name is, and so each member has their own little nickname. bonnie calls it the nightmare, mirabelle calls it the shadow, isa calls it the mirror, and odile calls it the specimen because researcher brain)

i have more Thoughts (tm) about this, but for now that’s all I’ll share for the sake of the people who follow me for music wondering why I’m infodumping about a video game lol. Uhhhh listen to my single about it and that’s about it bye

[karmacharmeleon18]

You’re aware that Thea was most likely SAd even more and worse than Jean right? At the end of the day Jean was a white man but Thea was a POC woman in the nest. She most likely was gang rap*d. She might have known that Jena was suffering but it wa nothing in comparison to what she had to do/what she was made to do to earn her place in the nest.

First of all I am a black woman so yes, I’m very aware how how shitty our lot is in life

I know this is rude and aggressive, but at this point you deserve it, because randomly showing up in someone’s inbox with an ask like this, two separate times (and the first time much more graphic), is just plain fucked up and you deserve the reality check. You got lucky tumblr ate your previous ask and my response because I tore you a new one.

Now, you’ve gotta explain to me why do you NEED (and atp it is a pathological need y’all seem to have) to make the abuse in the Nest even WORSE than what it canonically is?????

The Nest is a CULT.

THAT IS BAD ENOUGH.

Being in a cult is bad enough already. I’m sorry that doesn’t satisfy you? Doesn’t tickle your fantasy enough? And you need to fantasize about a black woman being gang raped to satisfy your craving for violence and sexual abuse because apparently beating kids to death and Jean being raped several times is not enough for you?

Seriously, what is your goal here? What do you expect me to say?

You randomly show up in my inbox with disturbing asks about an extremely triggering topic and expect me to do what, exactly?

And you dare use race as a “gotcha” when I have already acknowledged that Thea most likely, inevitably had it harder than other Ravens because she’s a woman of color

But again, that’s not enough for you, right? So I ask you: what else do you want me to say?

I have said several times that Thea is a VICTIM. Like every single Raven. Even Riko.

She was ABUSED in the Nest. Like every single Raven. Even Riko.

Why do I have to acknowledge and agree with your speculations about her being g*ng raped despite there being NO PROOF OF IT IN CANON?

Why do I have to agree with your graphic fantasies?

Because you do realize that what you're saying is all speculation, right?

And I’m sorry, but if you want to have a constructive conversation about these books and their extremely graphic themes, we can't focus on speculations, on what might have happened, because the possibilities are endless

What we can and should focus on, is what we KNOW happened

We know that Jean was raped several times

We know that Thea dismissed it as Jean being a whore

We know that Jean was almost killed by Riko

We know that when Thea saw him half dead, she assumed it was the Master's doing because Jean might have been "up to his old tricks" and he deserved the punishment

(Kevin fully knew Jean was being raped, and he said that all Ravens knew a variation of the story; I think many knew, while others - particularly Thea, who was in her last year, with her eyes set on her pro career already and not the time nor inclination to care for little boys following her around like ducklings - didn't care enough to look into it)

We know that Riko used rape to torture Jean

We know that he felt the need to keep it a secret from the Master

We know that Tetsuji used his cane to beat his players

As far as we know, no Raven was raped, waterboarded, pushed down the stairs, stuffed into a box, cut to pieces by Riko's knives like that, had his bones broken for fun

Only Jean

Even Neil was spared some of these tortures, despite being property like Jean

But being "like Jean" does not make you Jean

Only he was tortured like that

“She might have known that Jean was suffering but it was nothing in comparison to what she had to do” LITERALLY NO.

The main abuser in the Nest has always been TETSUJI, for years before Riko showed up

And Tetsuji’s brand of abuse is horrible and fucked up enough as it is

And does not include rape

Nothing in the books or extra content points to rape being standard practice in the Nest. Nothing points to it being used as a standard corrective method or punishment. Nothing.

(or waterboarding, Riko’s knives, being suffocated into a box, being pushed down the stairs, etc. …)

Jean never mentions it. Nora never mentions it.

The only one that uses rape as a weapon is Riko.

And specifically against Jean.

That's why Riko kept it a SECRET from the Master. He didn't want Tetsuji to know because that might have been too deprived even for him

Rape is not the Raven's way

It's specifically Riko's way

And specifically towards Jean, a frightened yet combative queer boy that was also his property, and he was going to use rape, and knives, and water to beat the queerness and the fight out of him

This is what distinguishes Jean from other Ravens: he was PROPERTY

All the methods he was tortured with are exceptional, in the sense that they were exceptionally cruel but also the exception to the rule

There’s no mention of any other Raven being waterboarded, for example. Only Neil who, despite not being a Raven, was considered property as well by the Moriyamas

And yet Neil was never raped at the Nest

Maybe because Riko likes to have an active role when torturing people: he would never touch another man sexually, so with Neil he uses knives, and water and fists. Maybe there was simply not enough time for Riko to orchestrate Neil's rape, under Tetsuji's more watchful than ever eye. He wanted to personally torture Neil during his stay at the Nest, and rape is a boundary not even Riko will cross, so Neil was spared that agony.

Or maybe it's more simple than that:

Neil was Moriyama property

Jean was Riko's property specifically

Riko could do whatever he wanted with Jean because he belonged to him

But Neil didn't, so he was spared some of the horrors

I know that Riko is the Big Bad Wolf in the story because we watch it all happen through Neil’s eyes, but Riko was not the main abuser in the Nest

The MAIN ABUSER in the Nest, for years, since the Nest was created, long before Riko showed up, was TETSUJI MORIYAMA

Even Riko was abused by him

And his brand of abuse was physical violence administered with his cane

Even in Jean’s story, despite all the awful things Riko did to him, we see the amount of trauma Tetsuji caused him, the grip he still has on him, as strong if not stronger than Riko’s

.

Villains are nuanced. Beating teenagers as punishment is very different than having them raped, or tolerating mass rapes happening under your watch

Just because Riko is a special kind of depraved bastard, it doesn't mean Tetsuji is the exact same type of depraved bastard

Y'all need to stop thinking that every villain is the same, thinks the same, acts the same

Not every villain rapes people, kills children, boils puppies alive and kicks kittens to death

In my opinion the Moriyamas are cartoonish enough in their villainy as it is, there's no need to exaggerate even more

.

This is what y'all need to understand:

The average Raven experience is bad enough

YOU DON'T NEED TO EXAGGERATE TO MAKE IT SOUND EVEN WORSE

Thea, Kevin, Riko and every single Raven were in a CULT

THAT IS BAD ENOUGH

A cult that beat them up for every tiny mistake, that decided what they would study, that controlled their food and every single minute of their day, that kept them in a constant state of fatigue, sleep deprivation, physical and psychological stress, and forbade interactions with the outside world. The Ravens weren't even allowed to have families.

For Gods' sake, that is bad enough

Why are y'all so obsessed with making it even worse????

All we got from the books and extra content is that the Ravens see sex as a tool, a way to let out steam, and since women on the line up are rare, the Ravens don't make distinction, they sleep with whoever is up for it and still consider themselves 100% heterosexual

Jean specifies: "they'd made do with any man willing to tumble"

Key word: willing

He never mentions any rapes happening in the Nest besides the ones he was a victim of

And with how close of an eye he kept on Thea for that year they overlapped in the Nest, you'd think he'd notice if she was gang raped. Especially because Riko would 100% want to watch and torment Jean vicariously with it. Yet it never happened

The only ones who never slept with a man are Riko and Kevin, because in Nora's words from the ec: "they were too... press conscious? Public-opinion oriented? They were going to be champions; they were going to be world famous stars. They didn’t need anything that could “taint” that image, no rumors or hints that would put a dent in their stellar image."

(and now we also know that Riko was absolutely disgusted by the idea of touching another man sexually, he wouldn't even get his hands dirty when it came to tormenting Jean in that regard, he had other Ravens carry out the rapes for him)

Besides, Kevin was interested in Thea since the moment he met her, when he was still in high school and she was in the Nest. Kevin respected and admired her... and she barely gave him the time of day, she didn't beg for favors or special treatment because she didn't need to

Thea is a hell of a backliner and not even Riko has ever tried anything with her, because he never had a reason to (to use Kevin’s own words while explaining how come he was never raped 🙄🤢)

This is the average Raven experience: harrowing, because you are stuck in a cult for 4 years, and it will forever affect your life, but also rewarding, because if you train hard enough you get exactly what you signed up for

You get to win championships and become one of the best pro players in the country

And as far as punishments, that’s the Master's business, certainly not Riko's

He might like to torment you if you cross him, if you’re not good enough, if you show you’re scared and Riko smells fear like a predator

But Riko doesn’t have the right to beat some random Raven to death, or have them raped repeatedly or gang raped (or waterboarded, or cut up and bleeding, or or or---)

Riko doesn’t have the right to put a player's performance at risk

He could only do so with Jean, because Jean was property

And even with him, Riko spent YEARS testing the waters, pushing boundaries, understanding what he was actually allowed or not allowed to do to him, seeing what Tetsuji would tolerate and what he better keep secret from him

Jean does not represent the average Raven experience

Jean was property

Property specifically given to Riko by the Master, to do whatever he wanted with him

(I know I'm repeating myself ad nauseam, but atp I think the repetition is necessary; I've said the same things over and over, post after post, and I still keep receiving the same type of asks, so maybe if I say it a million times it'll finally sink into your heads and y'all will leave me alone?)

.

In a world of abuse, Jean is still the terrible exception

Just like Kevin and Riko were the exception, but at the opposite end of the spectrum

They were ALL abused, but Kevin and Riko were extremely privileged, treated as kings, "little gods" among men… meanwhile Jean was property and treated as such

And again, keep in mind that not even Neil was raped, despite being property as well

So why do you assume, with 100% certainty that Thea was?

Thea represents the average, but leaning more towards the privileged side

Jean and Neil are property

Riko and to an extent Kevin are family

Thea and all Revens, past and present are assets

All are abused

And all are given the chance, if they endure, to become the best

Which is why Thea is a Raven apologist through and through, and if Jean told her that he was raped, best case scenario she would just shrug it off (like Kevin)

And despite what happened to him, Kevin is still a Raven apologist, just not as enthusiastic as Thea:

.

There's no mentions of rapes for any other Raven, because rape is Riko's weapon, and only against Jean

I know (and I've said before) that technically in the Nest Kevin has power over Thea. If Thea disappointed/upset Kevin, he could go to Riko, and Riko could go to the Master and persuade him to punish Thea in some way; extra drills, less sleep, a slap, a punch, a hit of his cane to the ribs... That said, the only way to truly upset Kevin in the Nest is to suck at Exy, and Thea Muldani most definitely does not suck at Exy. So Kevin would have no reason to complain about her to Riko and set the chain of punishment into motion

As for Riko himself, he has a lot of power over Thea, but I simply cannot see him hitting her without Thea hitting him right back. And the Master would either ignore the whole thing or take her side, because I bet that old bastard would have loved to see his antichrist of a nephew humbled by someone better than him

(Not Kevin though, never Kevin because Kevin was Riko's brother in the way the Moriyamas understand brotherhood: the second always serves and submits to the first; the only time he was allowed to try, he paid dire consequences for it)

But a Raven decking Riko in the face? A woman, at that? Hilarious. Especially because Thea was one of the best, not some random bratty Raven throwing a fit against the King, but one of their best players putting a child back in his place, and why wouldn't the Master like that?

... Or maybe he would have laughed and then killed Thea for the capital offense of laying hands on a Moriyama, who knows...

But I don't think that Riko was willing to take the chance

I think he respected her

(again, all speculation)

Remember that Thea was a 5th year senior when Riko joined the Nest with his ideas of a "Perfect Court" and numbers to bestow upon hopeful Ravens. She had her eyes set on her pro career and most likely a pro contract already secured. Riko had nothing to offer to her. She admired him because he was a Moriyama, a "little god", the King of the court and part of a duo considered the future of Exy. But she is Thea Muldani ffs, she doesn't need a child to give her a number, she's going to earn a spot on the National team on her own. She spent 4 years in the Nest without Riko and absolutely dominated

Thea considered Jean a little lost duckling following her around (in an incredibly condescending, bordering on insulting way, rather than affectionate)

She considered Kevin the future of Exy but also, in the beginning, a guy not up to her standards and who "fucks like a virgin", she barely gave him the time of day... until she noticed how good of a player he actually was, how much Riko was stifling his talent... (btw she was actually the one to put it in Kevin's mind, for the first time, that he was actually better)

And I'm sure that she respected Riko as a Moriyama and as the King of the Court. But off the court, if Riko had tried to swing at her, she would've swung right back. With her backliner racquet instead of a fist

And I think Riko knew it and respected her for it

Thea is extremely arrogant. The type of arrogance born out of actual, tangible superiority (just like Kevin). Which is why you'll never convince her that she's wrong about anything (just like Kevin) and why she'll hit you if you try to hit her (just like Kevin does with Neil and Jean, getting aggressive and physical until Andrew or Jeremy intervene; but unlike Kevin, Thea will attack anyone that crosses her, not just people she considers weaker than her and easy to subdue, as Kevin does)

The Ravens have existed for years before Riko showed up

We only got to know the Riko-obsessed Ravens, because the books are set during his reign over the Nest

But that’s not the reality, the usual, the standard for the Ravens

For the average Raven, that trained at the Nest before Riko, there was a different god: the Master

Tetsuji Moriyama was their obsession, their recurring nightmare, their tormentor

(their savior, their leader, the source of their every success and fleeting moment of joy… because that’s how cults work)

And Tetsuji’s brand of violence, as far as we know, does not include rape

Doesn’t even tolerate rape, since Riko kept it a secret from him

And that doesn’t mean that Tetsuji is a good guy

It simply means that what Tetsuji is, is bad enough already

There are Ravens that were literally killed by the Master after a beating that got out of hand

That is bad enough

Every Raven was stuck in that environment for 4 years, witnessing and experiencing physical and mental abuse

You don't need to make it even worse

The Ravens have existed long before Riko joined the Nest

His particular brand of cruelty is not the standard

So I really don't understand this obsession with making everything even worse, more horrific, more cruel...

I do blame Nora for this, she undeniably has a fixation for pain/torture and even admitted she can't find a character interesting unless they went through unspeakable abuse

And she attracted a fanbase that for the most part thinks just like her

Or maybe you’re one of those Kevin apologists that hate my opinion of him and are trying to use Thea as a tool to diminish Jean’s suffering? Because you think that will somehow absolve Kevin? … Kinda racist to use a black woman as a pawn in your games to elevate an already privileged white man, don’t you think?

Whatever the case might be, go do that somewhere else. You’re not welcome here.

Kevin and Thea deserve each other. Jean deserves so much better than the both of them. He deserves Jeremy, Cat, Laila, Jab, the floozies, Coach Rhemann and Adi, the sun of California, rainbows, open roads, friends...

Die mad about it.

[delicateperspective]

Simon Jones - All Out Interview

Trigger warning: this interview includes discussion of forced outings, media blackmail, closeting, and how personal identity is handled as a PR strategy. If you're sensitive to these topics (especially in the context of people being silenced or controlled) please take care. Watching or reading it was incredibly hard for me, and I’m still not okay after engaging with it. Please prioritize your mental health.

That said, for those who choose to watch:

Simon Jones (longtime PR for 1D and still Louis’ rep) did a full interview about the inner workings of celebrity PR in the UK. He talks openly about:

being the buffer between One Direction and the press

how tightly access and appearances were controlled

how tabloids used to blackmail artists into coming out

how PRs helped manage those stories to protect reputations

how he's lost control of the tabloid narrative

He never names names — but if you know, you know. It’s not easy to hear, but it’s worth knowing.

Simon Jones: London's Top Publicist on the Secrets of the British Press & Fame

YouTube link

INTERVIEWER: Hello, Simon Jones PR.

SIMON JONES: To give me my full name, yes. Hello!

INTERVIEWER: How long have you been in PR now?

SIMON JONES: Well, now I’m going to age myself up by discussing this… about 27 years, maybe.

INTERVIEWER: For anyone who doesn’t understand what a publicist does — like my mum and dad — can you explain what PR is?

SIMON JONES: I PR things. People. Places. Lulu.

INTERVIEWER: Can you summarize — what does a publicist do for someone?

SIMON JONES: Okay, I get asked this a lot. I break it down into two things really. It’s proactive and reactive. Proactive is when you're working with someone and they’ve got something to promote — it could be music, a book, a film, anything. It’s bringing attention to those projects.

So if you see them on a TV show, on the cover of a magazine, taking over a website — that’s all publicity set up proactively.

Reactive is when you see in an article, "a spokesperson for the star said..." — I am the aforementioned spokesperson.

I’m the buffer between the media and the artist.

INTERVIEWER: So they would come to you about stories or requests for comment?

SIMON JONES: Yes. But a lot of what I do is, as you've said, advising people and helping them when they might be in bad situations.

INTERVIEWER: Taking One Direction for example — at the height of their fame — were you the person between them and, say, the brand or the newspaper? Was it you people were coming to?

SIMON JONES: Yes.

INTERVIEWER: That must have been so intense — they were literally the most famous people alive.

SIMON JONES: It was intense in the sense that they were probably on the front page of the newspapers every single day for about five years. So there were a lot of stories going on, a lot of the time.

In terms of actual access to the band, we didn’t do a lot of interviews, a lot of photoshoots, or a lot of appearances. It was more streamlining it around a release or a new album. They were so busy — they were touring the world. There wouldn’t be time to do shoots.

I remember I flew to Sydney once to do a shoot with them. Literally flew in, had a day, did the shoot, flew back. That was the only place they could do that cover shoot because they were on tour in Australia.

INTERVIEWER: I suspect PR has changed hugely since the ’90s. How have priorities shifted?

SIMON JONES: In my early days — may not be other people’s — it was very much about print magazines. There were loads of them. Tabloids were really big then — The Sun, The Mirror, The Star — they were really important.

Then you had TV and radio appearances. It was all traditional media.

Now, there’s equal — if not more — importance on social media: Instagram, TikTok… not X (formerly Twitter) maybe not as much now. But there’s even more priority on social than traditional media.

INTERVIEWER: What’s your number one priority right now?

SIMON JONES: Positioning. Doing the right things at the right time. Sitting down with someone, looking at what they’ve got coming up, and strategizing: "We should do this for that, and that for this."

Making a campaign that works for them and their integrity. That, to me, is way more important than some story about their personal life.

INTERVIEWER: Let’s say someone comes to you — completely unknown — and says, “Simon, I want to be mega famous and known in the British press.” Could you do that?

SIMON JONES: Probably. Would I want to do it? That’s another thing. But yes — I could definitely give people profile. I know what to do, where to place them, what events to go to, what will generate coverage, what will get publicity. If I wanted to do that, I could do that.

INTERVIEWER: What are the key things someone would need to do?

SIMON JONES: Go to the right events. Be seen at the right things. Be photographed with the right people.

You absolutely could create a profile for someone just by putting them in the tabloids. That still works.

INTERVIEWER: Tabloids now are more digital, right?

SIMON JONES: Yes — MailOnline, Sun Online, Metro Online, Mirror Online — they all still exist, just in a different form. People are still reading tabloid press every day, just not necessarily picking up a newspaper unless they’re an older demographic.

INTERVIEWER: But it must be harder now — so disposable?

SIMON JONES: Yes — back in the day, you’d know two or three key people on each paper. You’d speak to them every day because they’d be calling with stories. It was a 50/50 relationship. We’d all be at the same events. We all knew each other. We weren’t necessarily friends, but we were very friendly and had professional respect.

Now, at MailOnline, there could be 50 people working on it at once. The turnover is so high. You get emailed by someone new every week. Same with all the websites — they have to put out 100 stories a day, so they hire loads more people.

As a PR, how could you know all of those people? It’s not possible. That relationship doesn’t exist anymore.

INTERVIEWER: So was it a nicer working environment back in the day?

SIMON JONES: Yeah. Maybe it’s just different now. Back then, if a story was going to break in a newspaper, you had until about 7 p.m. to deal with it. Then it would go to print, and the first editions would come out at 10 p.m.

Now it’s a 24-hour business. I can’t even tell you how many times I get emailed at 3 a.m. saying, “Hi, we’re just emailing about this and looking for a comment,” and they put the story up at 3:30. Of course I couldn’t comment — I was asleep.

We live in an industry where everything is moving 24 hours a day.

INTERVIEWER: Do you live in constant anxiety then? It sounds so stressful.

SIMON JONES: Not at all. I’m very good at separating. Very good at being calm and separating what’s really important.

That’s one of the biggest pieces of advice I give clients — when they’re understandably upset because something is everywhere — I help calm down the situation and think clearly.

INTERVIEWER: Stories move so fast now. Do you think scandals just fade away more easily?

SIMON JONES: Yes. Everything moves so fast in the world of celebrity. You can move on from things quickly if you just keep your head down, because someone else will do something tomorrow.

INTERVIEWER: How do you break through the noise these days?

SIMON JONES: If you’re a music artist, you break through by putting out something amazing — and having that amplified. If you have a genuinely brilliant record and you target the right people, that breaks through.

We live in a world where having something to say is so important. Artists like Charli, Chappell, Sabrina, Jade, and Raye — they all have something unique to say. If you can amplify that with the right looks, the right media, and the right timing — that’s how you break through.

But it still has to be good. If it’s mediocre, you’re just part of the noise.

INTERVIEWER: So you can’t fake it?

SIMON JONES: You can’t manufacture someone being a star. You can get them to a certain level of fame — but whether people perceive them as a star, that’s another thing.

INTERVIEWER: Do you ever have to tell someone they’re just not a star?

SIMON JONES: No — because I wouldn’t work with them in the first place. I get approached all the time, which is lovely, but I only take people on if I feel really passionate about them.

It’s only me now — I work for myself. I’ve had companies and staff before, but I’m happier just being on my own. That limits how much I can do.

But I’m honest with the people I work with. Sometimes I have to say: “I don’t think that’s good enough.” “I don’t think that’s going to land well.” “Don’t say that. Don’t do that.”

There’s honesty in that.

INTERVIEWER: Is media training real?

SIMON JONES: Yes. It’s a thing. I’d usually do it with another person who specializes in it. We talk people through the pitfalls — what might come up in interviews, how people might try to catch them out.

We do mock interviews — pretend they’re on radio or TV, and trip them up on purpose — then give feedback.

INTERVIEWER: It used to be messier, right? Interviews were more chaotic back then?

SIMON JONES: Yes, completely. People got drunk, smoked, said wild stuff. Clips from Popworld are everywhere now on TikTok — like, “Have you ever licked a battery?” to Britney.

It was much freer and less controlled. Now people live in fear — especially because of cancel culture.

INTERVIEWER: Let’s talk about cancel culture. Who decides what gets canceled?

SIMON JONES: It used to be the tabloids. Back before social media, it would be The Sun splashing a story on the front page. Now it could be anyone — a tweet, an Insta story, a random video — and it spreads everywhere in hours.

People are very savvy now. They film everything. They know they can sell it or go viral with it.

INTERVIEWER: Do you think cancel culture is good?

SIMON JONES: It’s good that people are held accountable. But I don’t believe people can’t change or make mistakes. It depends on how you handle it.

I judge based on how someone responds — not just what happened. We’ve all made mistakes. It’s not one-size-fits-all. But if someone shows genuine remorse and wants to change, I don’t believe in absolute cancellation.

INTERVIEWER: If someone gets canceled — what’s the first thing you tell them?

SIMON JONES: Take a breath. Put your phone down. Step away from social media. Take some time. People react too quickly and make it worse. I’ve seen celebs put out terrible statements within hours. It just makes things 100% worse.

This won’t be fixed overnight. It might take months, years. But you will come out of it — if you stay quiet and let people move on.

INTERVIEWER: How does being in the public eye affect mental health?

SIMON JONES: Massively. It can change someone's personality.

They live in fear of what people will say or find out. And sometimes that fear is justified — horrible stuff has happened. I’ve seen it firsthand — like with Tia. She was in a massively successful pop group, won The X Factor with Little Mix, had a No.1 book and song — and then was totally torn down by the press.

It was completely unfair — a disaster. So the fear of it happening again is real, not imaginary.

INTERVIEWER: Young people want to be famous now — TikTokers, YouTubers. Why?

SIMON JONES: Attention. Money. Adoration.

A lot of people think fame will fix the things in their personal life — but it doesn’t. They think if they’re adored, everything will be better.

INTERVIEWER: Have your clients found that fame gave them what they wanted?

SIMON JONES: There are always ups and downs. Most of the people I work with aren’t chasing fame. They’re chasing success in their art. Chasing just fame is usually an empty pursuit.

INTERVIEWER: What was your first job in PR?

SIMON JONES: A company called Appearing. It was a plugging company — getting music on the radio and TV. I was an assistant for acts like Pulp and Prodigy.

Before that, I worked for a TV presenter management company.

INTERVIEWER: What do you love about working in PR?

SIMON JONES: The people. A lot of them have become friends. You deal with people’s personal lives — you become close.

INTERVIEWER: Who’s your dream client you haven’t worked with?

SIMON JONES: I’m obsessed with Madonna and Janet Jackson. But… would I want to work with them? I’ve worked with people I was a fan of, and it was horrible. They were awful — and it ruined it for me.

So I'd be deeply worried about that. Fortunately, the people I work with now are brilliant.

INTERVIEWER: Do you ever watch other PRs and think, “That’s a bad move”?

SIMON JONES: Yes. Sometimes I see celebs make moves and think, “That’s not what I would have advised.” Not everyone is good at their job. And sometimes celebs don’t listen to good advice.

INTERVIEWER: Like when celebs respond to tiny stories and make them bigger?

SIMON JONES: Exactly. You respond with your 5 million followers — you amplify it. Sometimes silence is better. Let it pass.

INTERVIEWER: Let’s talk about LGBTQ+ representation in the press. Has it shifted?

SIMON JONES: Yes. But it’s still not ideal. I’ve helped people come out — sometimes where we had no choice. Tabloids used to force people out. They absolutely did that.

I’ve held people’s hands through that. They’d say: “We’re going to run this — or you give us your version.” That’s blackmail.

INTERVIEWER: Would that still happen now?

SIMON JONES: I don’t think so. I think now it’s more respected that coming out is personal.

INTERVIEWER: So where should people come out now?

SIMON JONES: Gay Times, Attitude, or their own social media. I wouldn’t ever advise doing it in the tabloids.

INTERVIEWER: Are people still afraid to come out in public?

SIMON JONES: Some are. But I don’t think most would worry now.

People are still obsessed with sexuality on socials — accusing people of being gay who aren’t — but we live in a more progressive society than we did 10–15 years ago.

INTERVIEWER: But we’re going backwards in other ways?

SIMON JONES: Yes. Especially with politicians doubling down, and the hatred towards the trans community. Watching debates about banning gay marriage again — it’s wild. I got married a year and a half ago. To think that could be taken away is terrifying.

INTERVIEWER: Do you remember any stories that were particularly awful?

SIMON JONES: The George Michael stuff was awful. That headline — “Zip me up before you go-go” — he was demonized for being gay.

That wouldn’t happen now, thankfully. But just go on Twitter — it’s all still there, just in a different form.

INTERVIEWER: About that blackmail — was it really that common?

SIMON JONES: Yes. The tabloids would often say, “We’re going to run this. Or you give us your version.”

It wasn’t a choice. They’d say they’d “take it off the market” — meaning the source couldn’t sell it elsewhere — and run your version instead. But it was still blackmail.

INTERVIEWER: And the tip-offs came from close people?

SIMON JONES: Yes. Family members. Best friends. People you trusted. It’s a hard pill to swallow — but it happened all the time.

INTERVIEWER: You recently won the LGBTQ+ Trailblazer award at the Metro Pride Awards. How was that?

SIMON JONES: Really nice. It was the first Metro Pride Awards, and I was thrilled to win.

I made a decision 7–8 years ago to focus on uplifting the queer community. Working with Drag Race queens like Viv, Tia, Bimini — we tried to break down as many doors as possible. We got Drag on Dancing on Ice, signed Bimini to Sony, got radio play.

I also helped launch Pride in Music to support young queer artists — even if they weren’t my clients.

It wasn’t about being a PR person of the year — it was about doing good for the community.

INTERVIEWER: You did a tribute to Viv that night?

SIMON JONES: Yes. I organized it with five queens. I did a speech.

Viv was one of my best mates. We spoke every day — about work or not work. We were close because we had the same goal: make Viv a superstar — West End, Broadway.

When she died, it was beyond devastating. Her career was just beginning. Andrew Lloyd Webber loved her. Everything she did — she smashed.

It felt like it was all about to pay off.

INTERVIEWER: How important is it to amplify queer voices?

SIMON JONES: So important. Young people need to see themselves on TV, as pop stars, as sports stars. When I was growing up, I didn’t have those role models. We need to give queer talent a platform — because there are still closed doors.

Sometimes you need someone to help open that door for you. You can’t do it alone.

INTERVIEWER: Simon, thank you for talking so openly — especially about Viv. I know that’s still very recent.

SIMON JONES: No worries. And thank you for having me.

[kkoct-ik]

PLEASE explain ur shin DID thoughts I wanna know so bad

boy am i glad you asked (LONG POST)

prefacing by saying the sou DID headcanon is very special to me to the point that i talk about it as if it is canon. i know it is not canon. i'm not arguing that this is what these moments mean, i'm arguing this is an interpretation that i really enjoy, and this interpretation of sou's character speaks to the DID experience Unnervingly well.

i use sou & shin interchangebly, they are parts of the same person, but generally i say sou for during the death game and shin for before.

so. first.

the important bit — sou's dissociation from shin tsukimi

during his first trial, shin tsukimi is given the winning percentages. there he learns that 'shin tsukimi' cannot survive the death game.

to escape shin tsukimi's weakness and inevitable death, shin abandons him, and instead takes on the name and certain characteristics of midori, to build a new self — sou hiyori. he disowns his identity as shin tsukimi to psychologically escape from his fate, so that he can psychologically survive in this moment and keep living.

a part of DID is the repression and disowning of the weak and hurting parts of you, and in turn outwardly becoming & functioning as someone or something else that can survive.

sou very literally dissociates from the weak parts of his identity and becomes & functions as someone else to survive.

and that's the absolute basis of the headcanon. turn back now if you want to. the rest is me slowly losing my sanity.

me slowly losing my sanity

so. listen. here's the thing. theres a lot more in sous behaviour that you could interpret as DID if you know where to look.

it's not quite as simple as "there are two of him: shin tsukimi (who was weak, easily manipulated, and incredibly scared) and sou hiyori (who is not that)". there are quite a few more moving parts to this guy, and also a lot of grey areas where his identity breaks down and develops over the course of the game.

the sou we first meet is timid, but not particularly vulnerable: polite, but observant. you get the vibe he is silently taking note of everything you do, because he is. during the first main game, he takes control of the discussion by claiming to be the Keymaster, both securing his survival, and giving himself a level of control over the discussions.

when the information he found on the laptop and his attempts to throw suspicion on Sara causes everyone to doubt him, he begins to panic. he brings up the moment Nao hit him - something that must have been triggering to him, considering what defines 'sou hiyori' is that he is not weak like shin tsukimi is.

i like to think in this moment a subconcious part of him realises that the present sou hiyori is not removed enough from shin tsukimi to be free of danger. despite his distance, he's weak enough to be attacked - he could have been killed, and now he's at the mercy of the masses.

his protective parts and mechanisms need to kick in at 200%. so they do.

under the pressure sou snaps and goes into a a very aggressive protector part. sou projects outwards his vulnerability complex, calling everybody else 'weaklings' who are going to die (reinforcing his dissociation from shin tsukimi). he suddenly openly rejects the value of trust and human cooperation, in an attempt to make himself seem untouchable and entirely in control.

section: sou's protector part

i love this guy so i marked out a section just to break down his protective mechanisms. this is a direct continuation from the paragraph i just ended.

after his first instance in the first main game, sou's protector part (easily spotted by his fucking mastermind persona) appears multiple times to cover up moments of vulnerability. it makes him out to be a liar, but it also makes him seem incredibly calculating and dangerous, which works just fine for him.

during the token trade game, sou 'fakes' amnesia to avoid being singled out for his actions during the first main game. he reverts back to his polite & timid demeanour for a portion of the chapter, and also sleeps for a large portion of it (due to his sickness). but to allow himself this leeway (either to play up or let slip his weakness) he employs protective mechanisms: he enthusiastically tells Sara that his memory loss was a lie, and that he's been playing them all for fools. he intentionally gives her the impression that every moment of weakness he has let slip or otherwise is part of an elaborate plot.

whether this is purely for the sake of managing how the person he fears most percieves him, or because in this part he is genuinely so disconnected from his vulnerable parts and weakness that he refuses to acknowledge it was real, is up to interpretation to me. but i do love how many layers of lies and contradiction he symbolises.

(i choose to believe his amnesia was a genuine moment of vulnerability, because the scene makes me So Happy if i read it as a vulnerable part slipping through the cracks, who's entirely disconnected from the stressful events of the main game and is genuinely terrified. i like to think his later claim it was a lie was because he could not risk Sara genuinely witnessing his repressed weakness that he swore he disowned at the door. but i digress)

he has a similar 'moment of weakness' during the second main game, where he makes it more explicit that he is not necessarily him telling the truth when he says his earlier weakness was a lie. he relies on other's confusion and the fact people think he is one step ahead of them to protect himself.

he continues to employ his mastermind persona even after the shin tsukimi reveal - although its effect is somewhat lost now that everybody knows that he has vulnerable parts (and people he loves) to protect, and that his persona exists for their sake, not because it's his true personality.

mfw when the ego protection mechanism crumbles because i was vulnerable once and now my protector part hates me.

section: shadow sou

i was going to immediately follow onto shinai and what we can learn from him, but i want to clarify shadow sou first.

the long and short of it is i think he's the closest thing we have to a midori introject. while you could argue sou hiyori has introjected traits (which he most certainly does: he takes his name for christ's sake), i think shadow sou most explicitly takes after him, especially if you read soushin as an emotionally abusive relationship.

(lingo: what is an introject? an introject is an alter who represents internalised traits and figures. for example, if you had a personality who treated you like your mother treated you, and reinforces the beliefs you internalised from her, that would be an introject of your mother. they do not have to be accurate to the real person's personality; they only echo how you saw and internalised them.)

shadow sou speaks with sou like an familiar but condescending friend, comments on sou no longer being shin, and exists to reinforce shin's feeling of weakness. midori encourages shin to become the person you want to be; shadow sou is the one to pressure shin into becoming someone else. midori is a 'scary friend' of shin's, shadow sou physically frightens and attacks shin during his moment of panic.

as far as we know, we never meet shadow sou from Sara's point of view, so i interpret him as a more internal alter. there's a lot to play off with sou's / shin's / shadow sou's relationship: i think they are soooo cute. i just wanted to point out the similarities between him and midori.

section: shinaiiiiiiii: what can he tell us?

ok yaay onto shinai. although not strictly a version of sou (not his repressed weak personality, not his polite but wary personality, not his masterminding ego protection personality, and not his internal shadow self), because he is a computer program, he does give us a certain perspective on who sou used to be.

disclaimer: we know shinai was trained by midori's love poetry, and thus you can argue his personality could be slightly altered to be more suited to midori's purposes. for the sake of this section we will take things with a grain of salt: it's what shinai can suggest about shin, not tell.

shinai gives us the impression that shin tsukimi was polite, had somewhat low self esteem, and was conflicted on midori: on one hand, he scared him a lot, but on the other, he considered him close, and they spent a lot of time together.

during the maple boss fight, shinai sobs for midori to help him. i get the impression that despite being afraid of him, shin still relied on midori for security and reassurance (sou's lantern dialogue to corroborate).

my friend suggested that shinai's / sou's conflicting accounts (with part of him being afraid of midori, and the other seeking assurance from him) could in itself imply that shin (even before the game even began) is made up of two alters with opposing attachment styles. i dont disagree.

sou vs the shinai test data

this one will be short i promise.

i really like sou's morbid interest in the shinai test data. and i know the joke is that it's love poetry and sou is embarassed and repulsed by how midori saw him, especially now that he knows how cruel midori can be, but the scene also spoke to me as a dissociative person; there is nothing more viscerally uncomfortable than learning about things you did as a different personality. it messes with your brain, because it was you, but it also wasn't you - it can't be you, you don't remember it, and it's not the kind of thing you would do, but you did - and so your dissociative rejection signals go absolutely insane. so i like this tiny scene for personal reasons.

and thatse it (i think). i think i said it all.

tl;dr:

this is my headcanon :33 or well. a graphic i made a few months ago as i was solidifying the headcanon. some minor things ive changed my opinion on / perception of since but it gets the idea across.

that said i fully support any other interpreted sou hiyori systems. go fuckin wild. i spoke to a friend a bit ago about their personal DID sou take and i had so much fun.

thank you for hearing me out

[mysterialistic]

Random thoughts from Yingdu episode 4:

-Vein is so creepy toward Cheng Xiaoshi, but I have to admit I chuckled when Xia Fei pointed it out. Like, bro, of course they ran away—you totally freaked them out (literally in Lu Guang’s case lol).

-Extra points for using Vein’s official song during the small fight scene. It’s my favorite track from the trio!

-Lu Guang collapsing from stress makes perfect sense—someone please let this poor man rest. Honestly, I don’t think he’s had a single peaceful day since Cheng Xiaoshi died.

-The nightmare Lu Guang had was just cruel. Cheng Xiaoshi’s bloody ghost telling him he’s all alone, that they’re all dead… Does this mean Qiao Ling and Captain Xiao are definitely dead too?

-Cheng Xiaoshi taking care of Lu Guang was adorable. The fact that he’s so caring despite growing up lonely and lacking basic parental love is just beautiful.

-Xia Fei disliking Liu Xiao totally caught me off guard lol.

-Xia Fei telling Liu Xiao his “predictions were right” is so suspicious. Is it because he’s just waaay too smart, or does he have some hidden power that lets him see outcomes? Something about it feels sketchy.

-The photo snap sound effect when the blue-eyed cat appeared was such a great detail to symbolize Lu Guang observing Cheng Xiaoshi. That… or Lu Guang took an actual photo to keep track of him. This makes more sense lol.

-The way Xia Fei and the bar/restaurant)? owner reacted when Cheng Xiaoshi mentioned Cheng Weimin was WEIRD. I can’t tell if the owner was joking about not knowing him or lying, but their exaggerated reactions were creepy. What the hell did Cheng Weimin do?!

-It’s obvious the only student who survived the fire is the mysterious blonde woman (who I’m pretty sure we see younger in the Episode 5 PV). My guess is she’s around 14 or 15 in that photo, and since Yingdu happens 10 years later, she’d be around 25 now, which kinda fits with what little we’ve seen of her so far.

-Lu Guang pretending to be sick to get Cheng Xiaoshi back to the hotel, only to end up running back to the room himself, was hilarious. Also, shirtless Lu Guang—I bet some of you were happy with that back shot 👀

-Cheng Xiaoshi entering the photo by accident has me so confused. How did his powers suddenly activate like that? What triggered it? Was it purely coincidental that he was looking at a photo and clapped? I really hope they explain this.

-Related to the previous point: if Cheng Xiaoshi already knows he can enter photos on his own, then Yingdu is definitely not the timeline from seasons 1 and 2. He doesn’t learn this until season 1 (aka, approximately two years later) and we even get a small flashback on S1 where we see Lu Guang explaining how to activate his powers by clapping their hands together. That explanation didn’t happen in Yingdu.

-We got a glimpse of Cheng Weimin and a black-haired woman, tho I don’t know if she’s Cheng Xiaoshi’s mother or not)? I also couldn’t tell if she kicked him out of the photo when they made eye contact or if he was forced out by his own body because he was too stressed?? The man he was possessing didn’t die because in the episode 5 PV we catch a glimpse of how his photo changed, now it’s not only the building, but also his burned hand (the one he used to open the doors).

-Finally, Cheng Xiaoshi’s first dive being such a traumatic event? This donghua seriously has every character in desperate need of therapy 💀

[sykeboy]

AninPin Character (and dynamics?) Analysis part 2

The time has come folks

Pin and Kueshit's wedding has brought our girls to their breaking point and now is a great time to see how they are facing their biggest challenges so far

¿Remember I said I wanted to see what Anin would do when she didn't get what she wanted?

I love Anin but today she was cruel.

I agree that needing space is valid after heartbreak, however, giving Pin false hope and then kicking her while she's down was uncalled for. Pin made a choice she did not like so Anin punished her, and I can't help but compare it to aunt Patt's attitude, and the rest of the royal family's (not you Anan) attitude towards those of lower rank, however polite or harsh they might be, the message is the same: you do as I say I reward you, you don't I punish you. It's classical conditioning at play

Also the fact that Anin is standing on the stairs, making her taller than Pin while Pin literally begs her no to leave was a nice touch that keeps reminding us of the power imbalance between these two

I know I must sound like a hater right now so let's get in to the actual character analysis

In this scene both our girls are super triggered, this makes their personalities condense: get more rigid. That happens in order to give them a sense of safety in times of caos and percieved danger

Anin is confrontative, she confronted her family on the last ep, she confronted Pin on this one, and she confronted the situation about Kuea's wife. Anin takes direct action, this is the way in wich she thinks she can affect her reality. And SHE CAN DO THAT BECAUSE OF HER PRIVILEGE

Anin was not gonna leave until she had tried Every. Single. Thing. She could do in order to stop that wedding

So when Pin decided to marry Kuea, and then again today when she decided not to push back against the wedding Anin took that to heart. She is having a hard time understanding that Pin handles conflict in a different way than she does. Of couse she is heartbroken, not only is she losing the woman she loves, in some part of her brain she thinks Pin must not love her enough to take direct actions against the wedding like she does. She sees Pin's sacrifice as her giving up their love so she's sad and angry (she's also not used to losing)

Now let's do Pin

Pin has serious abandonment trauma, wich started after her parents deaths

When Anin came in to her life she was like a lifeline, promissing to always be by her side, so this scene was particularly hard to watch for me

Again, Pin is super triggered, Anin leaving feels like a huge threat to her. We see Anin has a big safety net, people who care for her. But Pin has none (maybe Prik)

So Pin does what she knows best, she lowers her head, apologises, tries to please as she can, she flagellates herself (she knows Anin is punishing her so she helps her), she says she is disgusted by herself because she chose to marry Kuea, but there is simply no way out of this for her

This frustrates Anin, cause Pin's obedience is affecting her directly, and she cannot actually understand the crossroads Pin is at right now, try as she might, she simply can't

Here Pin explains her line of thought very well, she feels powerless and the only way she knows how to affect her reality is by surrendering to what she thinks is inevitable (and she's not far from reality) this surrender can give her some solace, she has learned that she is helpless so why fight when you can't win

And again she self-flagellates for inflicting pain on Anin (or anyone at that), which is comonly thaught to us women and we see it again on today's episode when Kuea's wife says she does't wanna "ruin his future" by exposing his wrong doings

Still Anin can't understand Pin's choices cause their experiences are way too different and Anin has fought right? So why wouldn't Pin fight for their love as well?

So she takes action, she takes off her ring and lets it fall to the ground, she leaves

And this picture right here reminds me of:

Pin is yet again left to face the storm all alone

[fuck-you-upmusicbracket]

The Moon Will Sing (The Crane Wives)

Tell me once again I could have been anyone, anyone else/Before you made the choice for me/My feet knew the path/We walked in the dark, in the dark/I never gave a single thought to where it might lead

"It’s just so melancholy??? IDK how to explain it better, sorry."

Bohemian Rhapsody (Queen)

Mama, ooh-ooh/I don’t wanna die/I sometimes wish I’d never been born at all

Mamaaa/Just killed a man/Put a gun against his head, pulled my trigger/Now he's dead/Mamaaa, life had just begun/But now I've gone and thrown it all away/Mama, oooh/Didn't mean to make you cry/If I'm not back again this time tomorrow/Carry on, carry on as if nothing really matters

"LIKE HELLO????? THIS SONG IS LITERALLY INDESCRIBABLE IT’S JUST AMAZING"

"Good god when the "Galileo, Figaro - magnificoo" hits (hold on for dear life)"

Poll Runner: The Song Ever. Everyone who's ever sung this can feel the sheer power of Freddie Mercuary in their lungs.

Bohemian Rhapsody submitted by @homosandhomies + others

[chefkids]

Spoon Theory

This is arguably the single most important The Bear meta post I will ever make so please bear with me.

The first spoon we see in the entire series is when Carmy takes Sydney's spoon to try her stew. This is right after he cut his hand from not being able to find his sharp knife, and before he has to meet with Natalie to get Mikey's jacket, which was stressing him out. She "gave him a spoon" and a bit of positivity when he needed to calm down and get some energy by knowing at the very least Sydney can cook well.

Needing a spoon is needing help. When he hands over the brigade to Sydney he is waving around spoons the entire episode, when she really needed his help and his "spoons". Later on Sydney is not afraid to just ask him for his help.

With the risotto she gave him a "spoon" that would help the restaurant, that brought in a good review and customers, but he didn't have enough of his own "spoons" to deal with it as he was stressing out over the window that just got shot through and the IRS needing the missing tax returns. Right before trying the risotto Carmy had told Richie he is afraid of something good happening. He is afraid of Sydney and him doing well, because the better it gets the more it will hurt him when something goes wrong. That is why he keeps self sabotaging the restaurant and doubting Sydney.

After Sydney quit, she is still using her spoons for mental energy to make sure Marcus is okay and to try and figure out her next steps career wise. Carmy grabbed a spoon to open the tomato can lid, which he really didn't need because he could've just used the can opener, and then found the money. When he finds the money they both know they would be fine on their own, she could find another job, he could fix up The Beef. But they still need each others emotional spoons to achieve their passions, so he reaches out and she comes back.

In Season 2 she did need his "spoons" to help create the menu and decide on the details for the restaurant, but he barely gave her any because he was still so caught up in his past trauma and the literal and metaphorical forks in his life.

Fixing the table really didn't physically need more than one "spoon"/person. But he needed her there to work through his mental block. With the inspiration food tour, she did it on her own and she didn't physically need him for it, she needed his emotional spoons.

When they are not communicating well with each other and Carmy is trying to reach back and be involved again, he gets as close as he can to her spoon without actually using it.

And now the dark side of spoons.

The originator of spoon theory has lupus and first came up with this theory at a restaurant to explain what it was like living with the condition to a friend. They could've easily said Sydney's mom died of cancer or an accident or anything else. But this is all so intentional, out of all the things it is Lupus. I don't want Sydney to be sick as much as the next person, but Lupus is a chronic autoimmune disease that has higher likelihood of developing when you have a family member with it, and can be triggered by environmental factors such as stress. It is an invisible illness and Christine's own handle is butyoudontlooksick, which could really explain Sydney and what she has going on behind her walls that people can't see. She has been a rock to so many people and over exerting herself, but there might come a time soon when Sydney will genuinely need other peoples "spoons", especially Carmy's, because she's all out.

Now that Carmy said he is choosing to give Syd his focus aka his "spoons", will he actually be able to follow through?

Read The Fork Theory next

Read The Knife Theory

[sgiandubh]

Yes. Toddlers are 3 and below. However this doesn't mean Sam doesn't know her as a friend nor mean he hasn't met her son, as they are friends, not dating. We all know they had lunch as friends, he cheered her at event as friend. Photos and video prove this. The park story is a story, no photos, no proof of any of it being real. Before you go there, yes video he and Caitriona had some hug/peck at a concert, but still no proof of marriage, nor romantic anything or intoxication. Believe what you want, beliefs aren't truths.

Dear Beliefs Aren't Truths Anon,

Congratulations, you have won the Weekly Audio bingo, since I am now speaking with more ease:

Excuse me, but... you accuse me of lying?

With such desperate arguments?

A question in return for you, Anon: did you, by any chance, grow up with a single/divorced parent?

I did. And while I have discussed at great length Sarah H's irresponsible ways of exposing her underage son to Internet's predatory scrutiny (and potentially worse), I can assure you:

No single/divorced mother would bring along her son for Hogmanay at some vague, single, male friend's house.

No single/divorced mother would send her son for a walk in the park, on a Sunday early (and chilly) morning with that same vague, single, male friend of hers.

Unless they date. Which we both agree they weren't.

The above are simply not done. Not ever, not in any culture on Earth.

So, if they are friends (as you say), that means you guys spent literally months in a row in empty, mendacious speculation about Nothing At All, triggered by the fanfic written by a troll. I mean, just WOW, Anon. I have no words: mature women, who have a life, peeking into a stranger's whereabouts. I hope you are proud of yourself!

And doll - I happen to believe they were mutually beneficial acquaintances, for a very clear purpose (more followers for her and a naive diversion from his real life, aka the Elephant in the Room, for him). That is all. Things have noticeably chilled since she overexposed her son on the Web, yet she might make a cameo later on the timeline, if desperation requires it. Happened before, you see.

And yes, I will always go back 'there', Anon, simply because I know what I saw with my own eyes (and I am not the only one). Also, you seem to fail making the logical difference between being intoxicated with alcohol (one of your side's most pathetic, ludicrous 'arguments' ever ) and being infatuated with someone. That is how I know your English vocabulary is as poor as your logic or common sense, Anon. And I am sorry, so fucking sorry to bother you, buttercup, but that Taylor Swift kiss was caught on video alright.

Thank you for confirming toddlers are aged 3 and below, in the meanwhile. And thank you for confirming that basically three months after I finally published that Park Anon I was sent (https://www.tumblr.com/sgiandubh/751391542332325888/i-always-read-the-comments-on-sams-posts-because), you are still as unsettled by it as on Day 1.

Now you tell me what that means, in your book, Anon. Because in mine that surely smells of slow burning despair.

[Later Edit, not on audio]: ah, yes, that friendly, ripe with innuendo London lunch. So long for that poor convenient imbecile, the Brazilian Journo, eh? She thought Sarah was his lover and here you are, Anon, bursting her post-teenage inacceptable bubble.

Wasn't she explaining with great impertinence that shippers were in need of immediate medical attention? I wonder what she would do if she'd meet me in an official capacity, really. Probably go hide and cry.

But this is great, Anon, I mean wow - you surely KNOW stuff, eh?

[the-broken-truth]

Missing Piece - Yandere Leona Kingscholar [Part 1]

Summary: Leona finds Yuu is pregnant with his child and demands she get rid of it; claiming he hated children and walked nothing to with the cub she was carrying. Upon refusing to do so, she ends their relationship. 7 years have passed since graduation, and Leona is working at his Father's Company but he feels like something is missing in his life. He finds what he is missing upon meeting a lost boy while on his way to work.

Broken: I don't know every single thing about Twisted Wonderland or Leona, but I really wanted to write this, so just bear with me. Here are some notes explaining a few things in this story.

Notes:

Yuu possesses magical abilities, but she is still human. Her specific magical ability is called Binding Magic, which allows her to use chains to immobilize her targets. However, she needs to be within a certain distance from her target for the chains to remain bound. Alternatively, she can use more magical energy to maintain the chains at a distance. The maximum amount of time the chains shall remain bound is one hour.

Night Raven College is an All-Boys School, so Yuu attends a school for girls.

This is a more modern version of Twisted Wonderland - The Kingscholar Family owns a major company and Leona is one of the possible heirs, but he has an older brother who is the main heir. There are still Beastmen and others, as well as magic, but they live alongside humans in this storyline.

Yuu sat alone in her dorm room, tears slowly streaming down her face as she attempted to calm herself down; stress was not good for her, not at this delicate moment in her life. She inhaled through her nose before exhaling through her mouth and opened her eyes to look around the room, she was currently in the middle of packing; graduation was right around the corner and her time at the school she was attending was coming to an end. She was excited and sad to leave this place, she made great friends and had some good times, but at the same time, there were some times she had massive regrets. One of those moments was happening right now. Yuu's attention was drawn from the room when the phone in her grasp dinged and vibrated against her palm, signaling she had a new text message. She unlocked her phone before opening the message, her eyes narrowed as more tears flowed upon reading the contents of the message and who it was from.

Leona, her boyfriend.

No.

She should not call him that anymore; no loving boyfriend would say the things he said to her earlier in the day.

Leona: You know that I love you, I really do, but I can't accept this; I refuse to. Just get rid of it and we can forget about the fight, we can continue being happy together as we planned, Herbivore. Just get rid of it.

Yuu scoffed at the message before turning her screen off and throwing the phone on her bed before placing her hand on her stomach which contained the most important thing in her life now - her child.

Yuu met Leona during a joint school event with Night Raven College as the main sponsor since it was much larger than the school Yuu came from. She was talking with some friends when she bumped into Leona and ruined his shirt with the drink she was enjoying; he literally growled at her and demanded that she apologize for ruining his shirt, but she stood up to him and told him to leave her be. This is what triggered Leona's Interest in her and he continued to follow her around for about 2 months - he somehow got her number and would constantly text her, asking her to give him a chance and she finally gave in, agreeing to a date at the cafe in the city. Things went well, better than well, and the two of them kept seeing each other until Leona asked Yuu to be his girlfriend; she agreed and life was good for them.

Alas, all good things come to an end eventually; do they not?

Yuu had been feeling under the weather for a while and her friend told her she might want to get a pregnancy test done since this feeling arrived after Yuu helped Leona out of his rut; Yuu was certain that the two of them used protection but she went to get the test anyway. Imagine her surprise when she discovered she was bearing Leona's Child; she was happy and terrified at the same time, she knew Leona wasn't fond of kids but she hoped once she told him the news, he would accept it because it was his own cub.

She called him and asked him to meet her at the cafe where they had their first date; she ordered his favorite drink and waited for him to arrive. Once he did, the two of them sat and talked about things going on in their school lives and possible plans for after graduation; once he was relaxed and Yuu had his undivided attention, she told him the reason he called him there.

The moment she told him that she was pregnant, Leona burst into a fit of laughter, thinking that she was joking, but when she told him that she was not joking and she was really expecting his child, Leona's tone changed and the next words that came out of his mouth caused a nail to hit in the center of her heart and it shattered like glass.

"Get rid of it." Leona growled out, making the young woman sitting across from her shiver in her skin; it was instant, no delay or thought given. He wanted Yuu to get rid of their child and she knew he wasn't kidding; she's been with him for a long time, and she knew that look in these green eyes. This seriousness caused tears to form in Yuu's blue eyes.

Yuu tried to keep herself together as she begged Leona to reconsider - this was another life they were talking about, a life their love had created. She understood that he wasn't really interested in children at the moment but they could adapt and watching the child grow and eventually be born could make Leona see just how precious this life was. Leona growled and glared at Yuu before he rose from his chair and hissed out his next words with venom.

"Either you lose it or you lose me."

As Leona left the cafe, a young woman was left crying alone in the booth, with her hands covering her face. The other customers looked at her with pity and concern. The barista decided to offer her a free drink and muffin, while another pregnant woman brought her a cinnamon roll. She sat across from the crying woman and introduced herself as Mira. They had a deep conversation for about two hours until Yuu returned to school. Mira made sure to give her phone number and urged her to call in case of any emergency or uncertainty. Yuu sat on her bed in silence for a while, remembering the words Mira told her in the cafe before she reached over to grab her phone and unlocked it once again before returning to Leona's Message Thread; upon collecting her thoughts and calming her heart, she started texting Leona.

Yuu: You have expressed that you want nothing to do with this child and that is your choice, that is your right as an independent individual. However, I am my own person and I shall make my own choices, and my choice is to keep my baby.

Yuu pressed the send button and waited - a response arrived 3 minutes later and she didn't hesitate to look at it.

Leona: You can't be serious. You're gonna choose a parasite that's not even alive over me?! You're willing to lose me over that thing?! Use your fucking brain, Herbivore; you need me just like I need you! That thing will only get between us! Get rid of it so we can be happy again!

Yuu typed her response.

Yuu: You told me to choose and I chose - I'm keeping my baby. My child will have nothing to do with you or the Kingscholar Name if that's what you are worried about. They shall not know your identity as their father or even as a past lover of mine. I shall give them the best life I can without you in it. All I ask is that you continue to live your life and find someone who will make you happier than I ever did. Goodbye, Leona Kingscholar.

Yuu sent the message before pressing the button on the upper right corner of Leona's Messeng Thread.

You Have Blocked This Contact

Yuu locked her phone once again before looking out the window at the full moon in the cloudless sky as the stars twinkled in a sea of deep darkness. She closed her eyes and prayed to the Great Seven that she and her baby would have a prosperous life, to give her the knowledge & resources to aid her child in whatever they wished, as well as a prayer thanking them for all they have done for her and everything they will do; once her prayer was done, she placed her phone on the charger before sliding into bed and fall asleep.

As Yuu slumbered, green eyes glared at the screen of the phone in his hand as he sat in the darkness of his room and he looked at the system message with hatred and heartbreak in his eyes.

The Person You Are Attempting To Contact Is Actively Blocking You

He snarled and threw the phone across the room causing it to hit the door and shatter into pieces, the male gripped his hair while covering his ears as the voice started coming back; the voices of doubt that once plagued him. He thought he was free from their curse when Yuu would hold him but now she was gone, she was ignoring him, and he was alone once again. He roared in anger and sorrow as he fell upon the blankets of the bed, tears flowed from his eyes until he opened his eyes once again to see the Lion Plushie Yuu gave him for his most recent birthday. He reached out, grabbed the plushie, and looked at the collar around its neck:

Leona & Yuu Forever

Leona hugged the plushie to his chest, balled himself around the plushie, and sobbed himself to sleep; she'll come back to him. She realize that he was right and she will come back to him. Everything was going to be alright and they were going to be happy once again; all he had to do was wait.

[Seven Years After Graduation]

It is said that time can heal wounds and allow scars to fade away, as well as allow us to improve ourselves for a better future; at least, that is what Leona wanted to believe.

After Leona graduated, he tried to speak with Yuu at her graduation ceremony. He wanted to explain that he cared about her and wanted to make things work between them. However, when he arrived, Yuu's best friend told him that he was too late. Yuu had already left with her parents after the ceremony. They promised to take care of her during her pregnancy and to support her until she could find a job and a place to live. Leona never got the chance to meet Yuu's parents or visit her home. It was then that he realized he had lost her forever. His heart was shattered into a million pieces.

Leona returned home and applied to work at his father's company- while he was not next in line to be the CEO, that title and right belonged to his Older Brother - Falena. Falena was rather serious about his job and family when it came to his wife and son, Cheka; Falena loved his family more than anything and he would do anything to protect them. He hated working under his brother, constantly in his shadow, but Leona was still a Kingscholar and he was not going to let his brother's high position outshine him for long; he would work harder than Falena ever could and continue to rise above.

Leona did just that and worked well with the other employees; he would always do his part and help anyone who needed it, he wasn't over-friendly but he was still respectful to those he worked with, including his father and brother in the office.

During those seven years, Leona managed to snare the President Title for himself while his father was CEO and his brother was COO; the pay was grand and the people in the office respected him, that should be everything he wanted but he could feel it - the hollow void in his heart that could only be filled by one piece, a piece he discarded and regretted ever since.

Leona moved back into his room at Kingscholar Estate and that is where he spent most of his time, lying in his bed while holding his lion plushie that was slowly falling apart at the seams; it was the only thing he had that reminded him of her and he refused to let that piece of her fade away.

Leona's Father attempted to introduce him to numerous women from respectful companies and families but he was never interested in any of them; he wanted her and none of them were her. His father would tell him that he was holding on to the delusion of the one he wanted coming back to him when it was Leona's fault she left him in the first place. Leona would snarl at him before leaving the room to leave Falena to reticle his father in kicking Leona at his weakest point; the younger brother no longer cared about being outshined by his older, his worst regret was letting go of the only person who truly understood him.

One day, Leona was out and about dressed in his suit with his satchel across his shoulder and resting on his hip; his father sent him to close a business deal with a potential new client, they were a rather small business, well, small when comparing it to the scale of the company Leona worked for but their name was getting out there and Leona's Father knew it was important to make the necessary connections the business world.

He walked down the sidewalk, eyes green eyes focused forward as his tail swayed from side to side with each step he took; he was so distracted that he wasn't really aware of his surroundings until he came to a stop when a smaller body connected with the side of his legs, causing him to look in the direction of the child and his eyes widened slightly in confusion.

The child's visage reflected his own when he was around that age with the only exception being the young boy's eyes were the deepest blue he had ever seen. He watched as the young lion rose to his feet and looked up at the man before him before bowing his head in respect.

"My apologies, Sir! I wasn't looking where I was going and bumped into you." The boy said before looking up at Leona with a bright smile; this boy radiated a kind aura that he felt like he was familiar with.

"It's alright, kid; I was rather distracted too, and wasn't really paying attention to my surroundings." Leona said causing the boy to gasp.

"That's not good! You have to watch where you are going or you shall get hit by a car, or a bus, or a train, or even stabbed by some stranger who is having a bad day or malicious intent! Then, your family shall miss you and people will be sad!" The boy exclaimed while waving his hands around.

"Where did you come up with that?" Leona asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Mommy would say that when I was too distracted! I'm working hard to be more careful so Mommy won't worry too much about me and she will see that I a a big boy!" the boy smiled while placing his fists on his hips in a superhero-like pose, causing the taller lion to chuckle at him.

"Your Mommy sounds like a wise woman. What about your daddy? Is he just as wise as her?" Leona asked.

"Oh, I don't have a Daddy. Just Mommy and she is the only one I really need, but I also have God-Ma, and Auntie, as well as Grandma and Grandpa, so I'm really happy! I don't need a Daddy!" The boy smiled again as his smaller tail waved around behind him. Leona opened his mouth again when a voice called out through the air; sending a ping through his heart.

"Leonis!" A female voice called out.

He watched as the boy, Leonis, turned around and ran to a woman wearing casual clothing; long black hair, lightly sun-kissed skin, and a golden necklace with a locket pendant laced around her neck. Leona looked at this woman as the young boy hugged her legs as she petted him between his ears.

"Mommy!" Leonis called out while looking up at her with shining blue eyes.

"Leonis, I have told you numerous times not to run off like that. What if you got hurt or if someone tried to take you away?" She asked - her voice light and sweet but stern and concerned to her child.

"I would have scratched their eyes out!" Leonis said as he raised his claws to show them to his mother, "I am the Lion Strength of Our Family and Grandpa taught me how to fight! There's no one stronger than him and I'll be able to protect you too, Mommy!" She chuckled and smiled sweetly at the child.

"I know, My Sweet Cub, but Mommy wants to make sure that you remain safe. Now, it's time to meet Grandpa and Grandma for lunch, are you ready to go?" She asked.

"Yes, Mommy!" Leonis turned to look at Leona who was standing there watching the interaction between mother and son before he started waving at the male, "Sorry for bumping into you, Sir! I hope you have a prosperous day!" This caused the mother to look at Leona.

Time seemed to slow down around the Kingscholar Male as his breath was caught in his throat when sapphire locked with emerald.

"Yuu?" His voice came out in a weak whimper as he looked at the face of the woman who stood before him, who looked at him with wide eyes but said nothing.

He watched as Yuu reached down, took Leonis by the hand, and started walking him to their car in the parking lot;. He watched as Yuu placed the cub in the car seat behind the passenger seat of her car before closing the door and walking to the driver's door, opening it and getting inside before closing it. His keen ears picked up on the sound of the engine roaring to life before the car pulled out of the spot, out of the parking lot, and drove down the street until it disappeared completely from sight.

Leona stood there as the world moved around him, his eyes remained wide as the pieces started falling into place of realization and 6 critical points were made obvious to him.

Leona had finally seen Yuu after their break-up seven years ago.

Yuu was now a mother.

Her son was a Lion Beastman while she was a human.

His name was Leonis.

Leonis couldn't be older than 6 considering his size.

Leonis looked just like him when he was that age, only with Yuu's eyes.

Yuu had given birth to his child, to his son, and had been raising him alone. He was a father. Leona Kingscholar was a father.

However, that's when his eyes widened once again when he remembered what Leonis told him during their conversation and it caused his heart to grow cold once again.

I don't need a Daddy!

Leona stood there for a while before he started walking once again - he had a business meeting to get to and after that...he had to make a very important call.

[END]

[strewwwberry]

About to do a Rant on shen Jiu coz yeah, so ⚠️trigger warnings⚠️for, you know, him lol

(Additional tw please read beforehand even if its just a skim)

I personalize a lot of my writing to the viewer/reader, if you are someone who tends to input yourself into writing, whether purposely or not, please be aware that it may get uncomfortable or too personal to you, be aware of what you can read through and what is uncomfortable or you simply don’t like, stay safe ♡

Also apologies in advance if I project at all through this.

Shen Jiu's story has got to be one of the most tragic I've read, and not just for his slavery, abandonmet, sexual and physical abuse and then extortion after "freedom", and on top of that the old tale of the abused become the abuser. No, not just that, but because he was willing, he was 110% willing to ignore his feelings, brush aside his abuse an torture, everything, if Yue Qinguen just told him why he wasn't there, just gave him a reason, hell not even a reason, a goddam excuse to why he wasn't there.

He would've, he may not have been a good person even after the fact, actually I'd bet that he wouldn't be a "good person" at all. But, I belive that at the very least, it would've calmed his heart ENOUGH to not repeat the cycle of abuse, even If not for any reason but yue qingyuan.

Even as an adult he was still a child inside wanting the comfort of someone he trusted more than anything, and to be reassured that he wasn't abandoned, that his qi-ge was just late.

And to make it worse, he was, yue qingyuan was simply late. He pushed to hard to quickly, refused to ask for help, refused to explain, got himself in a deadly situation, was late and continued to not explain himself but instead give a look of pity and a stupid sorry every single time as if that changes anything.

Now to go into that, that look of pity. I can literally feel in my soul how fucking cruel that was to have done to Shen qingqiu. Imagine you make it out alive through being sold into slavery, abused in all ways possible, had to fight your way out because your one and only wasnt able to, got basically kidnapped and then further used, escaped THAT, and finally made it to a sect where you see your one and only, hoping that no he couldn't have left me... Did he? No he didnt abandon you, there must be a reason. But nothing, just pathetic apologies constantly. He must've thought himself above me, I'll prove him wrong. You make it to be a head disciple on your way to be a Peak Lord, an impeccable position and a near impossible accomplishment for an ex slave, and still nothing, just pity.

Then you finally get to the top, your on your way to Ascension, already immortal despite being too old to even cultivate when you started and your qi-system (whatever it's called) is absolutely wrecked (miracle you can even cultivate, an insane improbability to have made at to a golden core and immortality). But still, even after all you've been through and persevered through, pity, pity for a man who made it. Pity for a man who went through hell and still fucking made it.

I'm just saying, I'd be mad too.

But no, it doesn't end, of course it doesn't.

Your anger reaches a point unmanageable, you refuse to explain, no one explained anything to you and they won't listen anyway! refuse to try because what good could it do? No one will believe me anyway what's the point? Only friends are brothel ladies, who you pay to be with you, you get called a pervert and a lecher for caring for these woman and that girl disciple of yours who you take pride and comfort in. Are you a pervert and a lecher? Is that true? Only you really know.

And then this bastard kid she just had to point out.

Shen Jiu, refused to acknowledge his REAL flaws and blamed everyone else for everything even when it truly does end up his fault. What. Is he just supposed to deny or admit anything? Of course not! Let them belive whatever the hell they want, I've always acted this way making me seem untrustworthy and because they're hypocrites they wont try to find out why anyway, and I'm always the victim.

Which he was for a long time.

But then he wasn't, not really no, still a victim or course, but right now, with his standing and power?

and then even though they were in the wrong, his refusal to try (understandable but still) was his own choice, his refusal to at least get along with them, not start fights, not ostracize and critisize in the form of snide commentary. No one made him did that, he was traumatized and a child, yes, so was it understandable? Of course! Was it still his own actions that even as an adult he refused to stop, let alone apologize for, even if not literally apologizing? Yes, yes it was.

And then a child. Whose had it rough. Maybe not (yet) as rough as you, but rough. And then to abuse that kid, torture and isolate that child become he was so lucky to have had a mother? A mother who, although still his mother, wasn't even blood? And because his eyes reflected that of a monster, his name reminding you of your abuser just like how your own now does to. hes too much like me, that look just can't be humane, he must be a monster. And you know what you were right he was a half demon child. But not even a demon deserved to be pushed into the abyss to die, no child not even a demon child deserved what you but him through.

That is not how that works. You hand him over to the water prison and figure it out, because the laws are fucked but at least that's something then just acting how you think is right even when you know its not. But no you had to, because what would they say, harboring a monster, you must be one to.

Then on top of all that, you swore to yourself that once you got your peak Lord name, you'd bury your past like you literally just spawned in the moment it's given. And then failed to bury it. Because life isn't that easy. But for once you just wish it was. You wanted to kill that child, so for the one that reminds you to much of yourself? You'll kill that one instead.

Shen jiu doesn't deserve excuses, hell he doesn't even want people to make excuses for him, not for himself and not from anyone else (except if that excuse Is qi-ge giving him so much as "I got caught up drinking my hella fancy tea, I dint mean to leave you there") .

But he was tragic.

He was human, so very human. A human playing the part of a trancendial being. A human boy in the appearance of someone untouchable and inconceivable.

Playing this act means no one can use nor abuse you.

Now, no one can hurt you,

Not anymore.

...

But they still did

[chairofchaos]

You Deserve Better, and Other Points for Reflection

Hey friends, listen up. Real talk for a second, because nobody deserves this. And, in case anybody cares, I want you to know I come with 12 years of learning on this exact debate we have been having, because I had some very excellent fandom mentors in my communities and in the form of my uncles, who to this day support me writing and reading whatever hell I please, even in the face of protest from my immediate family. There was a lot of learning I had to do to be here with you now, and I am thankful for those people who were willing to tell me so.

If you want to post memes and think pieces and jokes and poems about a fandom debate, go ahead! You create the experience you want to see on your dash, and you will find your people.

If you want to discuss a fandom debate (a little or a lot), go ahead! I’m all for thinking through how we live and act and exist as a fan community.

If you feel that you need to take those things and turn them into vitriol to pour into the DMs and Anons of people who are running a fan week, that is not okay. Not in the slightest.

There is a big difference between debate, discussion, creative protest, and joking around, and intentionally using your words to create harm in someone’s life.

“But, Chaos, this [thing not directly sent to you/not specifically intended for you] hurt my feelings!”

Okay. Get burned once? Great! You learned something: don’t touch the hot iron again. (To translate: block the tag, block the person, whatever you need, and move on. If it isn’t for you that’s ok.) Hurt feelings are to tell you what you can and/or are willing to handle. If you don’t want to see it, block. (I love blocking tags it’s one of my little joys in life lol)

“Chaos, somebody said something really rude to me to my (virtual) face! What do I do?”

Well, you can either respond or you can block. Either way, it will probably help you to move on.

If you are responding, I beg you to keep one thing in mind. I want you to picture 7 year old you at the other end of that message. Or 13 year old you. What kind of words did they deserve to hear in a moment when maybe they weren’t getting something? Use those. Use them kindly, not in a condescending way, but in a “I want to explain this as gently as I would to my younger self” kind of way. If somebody keeps being mean, it isn’t worth it. Please use the block feature and move on. They are not worth your time.

Additionally, I would encourage you to do this: the “touch grass” mentality is something I only direct at myself. (I literally told myself to go touch grass yesterday, and there is at least one person who can corroborate that.) I stand by that decision every single day. It’s kept me out of a lot of trouble. Directing it at others does not end well, but directing it at yourself can be a good way to reflect and to consider sensible actions in the face of overwhelming situations or emotions (of which I experience many).

“Chaos, people are coming into anon and being hateful. Or just rude. Or they’re dumping triggering material into my anons.”

That is on them. That is not on you. They should not do that. And I am so sorry you are dealing with that. I’m going to be honest, I don’t know if you can block from anons (I’ve never even needed to look and so help you all if this is the post that makes me) but if you can, do. I will do what I can to help, if you need it. Regardless of where you stand on any of these issues, because I will not stand for hatred.

“I’m mad about [redacted] and I am going to be rude/mean/intentionally putting triggering material in people’s inboxes and activity feeds!”

You do that and you will be in a world of hurt, my friend. A world of hurt from yourself.

Because we create the experience we think we deserve. If you create an internet experience where it is acceptable to be hateful, vengeful, and downright cruel to other people, that is the experience you will receive in return. You deserve better than that. And if you believe that you deserve better than that but the people you’re directing cruelty towards don’t, then I want you to hear me: you will quickly find that you are not welcome anywhere. There will always be someone to disagree with. There will always be (at least) minute discrepancies in the way two or more people think, even people who are deeply similar.

Hurt the hand that reaches to help you- one day it will be raised against you in hurt as well.

As for me? Well, for that, I leave you with thoughts from George Washington’s Farewell address as paraphrased in Hamilton’s ‘One Last Time’:

“Though, in reviewing the incidents of my administration, I am unconscious of intentional error, I am nevertheless too sensible of my defects not to think it probable that I may have committed many errors.”

I am not a president (and thank god for that because who wants Chaos in charge of a country?). I am simply a fandom member. A writer. A little chaos gremlin lurking behind trees in the forest.

But like Mr. Washington, I am aware that I often fail to live up to my standards and principles. And I hope, truly, though it is wildly uncomfortable for me, that you would call me out for ways I have failed to uphold them, either in the past or in the future. (It would be super great if you like… called me out in DMs and didn’t put me on blast but oh well.)

I am in at least four other major (international, GIANT) fandoms. I am not hopeful enough to think that the ACOTAR fandom will learn from the fandoms of yore. We will have to weather these storms on our own, even with the knowledge and experiences already there. I think that’s okay. Disappointing, perhaps, but okay.

Since this post was much longer than it was intended to be, I will summarize:

If you are intentionally putting hateful materials in the inboxes, DMs, and activity feeds of people you disagree with, you will hurt yourself.

You create the experience you think you deserve, and in doing so, create that experience for others. Good or bad.

Block tags, block blogs, block what you need to enjoy the space. You will find your people.

Being intentionally cruel to other human persons is how you end up finding that nobody is “your people” because you created an environment where no one wants to be. You will be lonely and sad. Don’t make yourself lonely and sad.

I am certain I fail to uphold these principles at times. Feel free to call me out if you see me failing at these. DM appreciated, but I’m the one who invited you to do so so I’m not going to say “don’t blast me on main.” My funeral, I know.

[mieczyhale]

Stemming from this post, i'm going to go through the lyrics and try to explain my thinking a little more in depth (not every single line applies so i'm sticking to the ones that.. stuck out to my brain)

I am not putting this under a readmore because.. i don't really want to. So. Sorry.

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

I am alone again / An island separates me from my home and then you pull me closer

Bucky is alone, or feels alone at least. Getting lost in his head, dissociating and/or daydreaming. He's right there with Steve but so far away at the same time. And the Steve pulls him closer, gets his attention, pulls Bucky back home from wherever his mind went

If the sentence is right / Why does my body interfere? / Like a thief in the night / To steal the stars when they appear / No constellations guide me here / A voice inside me screaming

The sentence being right could be in reference to a literal sentence said by Steve. Maybe it's something sweet, maybe it's something dirty, maybe it's something that pulls at reminders of Before Hydra, maybe it triggers something about his time with Hydra. Whatever it is, Bucky hears it and maybe he freezes.

Maybe it's something he's heard before and not reacted to, but now he's hearing it in a different headspace and it gets to him and he doesn't know why. Something about the words steals the joy of the moment, the light - the stars, something has taken the stars and Bucky doesn't know what it was or why. They were perfectly normal words... right?? If it is related to Hydra the voice inside him screaming could be the part of the Winter Soldier that's left, that Bucky will have for the rest of his life.

It could also be a reference to nightmares, getting lost in the dark of them and not being able to find his way out

Ride the wave like a message in a bottle / For the only words I ever wanna hear / I will wait with the syllables I swallow / Bitter taste until they disappear

For Bucky, riding the wave like a message in a bottle could be just.. hanging the fuck on. A message - a piece of paper - in a glass bottle - so breakable - being tossed about the ocean - something violent and unstoppable that the message cannot fight on its own, but with the bottles help it just might make it somewhere safe. The swallowed syllables work in two ways I think::

1. Bucky, post Winter Soldier, having a hard time piecing words together, a harder time speaking as he gets himself back together. And then overtime, even though it gets better, for awhile he isn't sure what he can say / should say. Especially when people want to pick apart everything he says so they can judge him. And it's bitter because now that he finally is able to talk and he is able to express himself, he still can't entirely because of public opinion. 2. Early on in the torture he endured to become the Winter Soldier you can imagine he'd be punished for speaking, especially for saying anything that made him sound human, made him sound like he had his own thoughts. So eventually, slowly, he stops saying anything - he has the words and he keeps them inside. Not long after he stops talking back, the words he kept inside slowly disappear until there's nothing left. Maybe at one point he has a moment of fuzzy awareness and he knows he's forgetting things, he can feel himself losing himself, but he can't do anything about it. He can't say anything about it. Even if he wanted to. He should want to. But he doesn't. The person that was angry, cocky, bitter, doesn't exist anymore and neither do his words.

I try to tell myself those words are for someone else / A delusion, I feel so clear / My heart corrodes itself / A vessel I can't compel / To break open when you pull me near

So the bit of this section that really grabbed my attention for Bucky was the visual of a delusion so clear. I imagine, at some nebulous point in his time as the Winter Soldier - more often before they've really conditioned him - Bucky's mind would try to help him hang on by providing a world where Steve is there. Where they're safe and together as they should've been the whole time. Logically Bucky knows it's not real, but he can picture it so clearly. The way Steve looks. The things Steve would say. Bucky imagines entire conversations during the days he still has words.

After he's been tortured beyond hell and his awareness is gone, there could still be bits and pieces that come through as dreams or nightmares that he doesn't know are dreams and nightmares. Or when he's awake he could get brief flashes of things he doesn't understand: an angry scrawny little boy, a scared blond man, a hand grabbing his and pulling him to safety, etc.

Fast-forward to any time, some time, post Civil War where Steve and Bucky are finally reunited for good and Bucky is trying to deal with... everything. And Steve is right there beside him doing his best to help. (therapy is off the table because a. i said so, b. how well was that done in-canon, c. who the fuck is going to be able to understand anything Bucky has gone through at all?? and beyond that: who is going to understand AND care and love at the same time, the way that Bucky needs to feel safe?? a random therapist isn't going to care about Bucky as a person. not really. if you disagree go argue with a wall lmao)

ANYWAY. Bucky is trying to handle the weight of his entire past at this point, with the things he remembers and the things he knows he should remember, the things he doesn't know he forgot but something feels.. missing. And Steve is solid beside him the entire time. There isn't much he can do to help, but he can provide comfort and support and reassurances. Bucky wants to accept it all, he wants to believe the nice things Steve says, the loving things he says as he holds him close in the nest of blankets that is their bed, but he can't seem to. Especially when he feels he isn't giving much, if anything, for Steve to work with. How can Steve say all these things when Bucky can't even tell him what happened in any sort of detail??

That's the corroding heart - a broken heart, not necessarily broken by love but by time - and the vessel - his heart, maybe, but also his mind - that won't "break open", won't accept / is having trouble accepting anything good despite how badly Bucky wants to.

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

This song and analysis obviously don't get too far into Bucky's recovery, and certainly not to anything close to the end of it, but it's not supposed to be. It's a song of hurt and helplessness but some kind of hope, something that has you holding on. Which I think fits Bucky and his story quite a bit.

I don't think I actually covered everything I was thinking, and feeling, but I got a lot - or most - of it out and that's better than nothing I guess

Anyway, feel free to reblog and share your thoughts. I might do this with other songs, for Bucky and other characters, if anyone is interested

[celestialblueprint]

WEIRD EXPERIENCE I HAD BEFORE LEARNING ABOUT SHIFTING

In around 2022 before I ever knew shit about reality shifting, I used to go to sleep every night daydreaming about my nickelodeon celebrity crush (Ricardo Hurtado, I think that's his real name, I don't remember.) and being with him.

Every single fkn night. I created an entire world in my head : what I wore, our friends, our backgrounds, our conversations, I'd think about how it felt touching him, making out, holding hands, felt the joy, pain, heartbreaks, everything. And I'd feel that what I was daydreaming about was real. Every night, I'd start from where I'd stopped the other night.

I didn't know a thing about shifting. Never knew it existed. But I'd be so happy just thinking about this stuff. Then one day while I was all wrapped up in my fantasy, eyes closed and everything, I suddenly went rigid. I don't know how to explain it. It's like my soul or something froze within my body? It was dark,my eyes were closed but I couldn't feel my body. And I began shaking or vibrating or I don't know what the fuck! I couldn't move, couldn't control my body. I tried hard but the weird vibration went on, like my soul or conscience was being shook to it's core.

Then I felt the pull, like I was slipping and starting to fall into something. I remember fighting it somehow, panicking, praying to god that whatever was happening would end. It's like my soul was being stolen from me. I freaked out!

It stopped at some point and calmed down but it didn't end there. From then on everytime I was going to sleep and when I'd begin daydreaming, the same thing would happen and I'd fight it. I didn't know a thing about shifting and it's symptoms so I didn't think it was my imagination causing all this, just thought something was wrong with me.

But it reached a point where it would happen twice or thrice in a row, and just within minutes of each and in the same night so I got kinda scared. Then it started happening even when I didn't even fantasize before sleep, and it's only now I realize it's as though my brain had programmed that sleep time is time to drift to a different dimension (the one with the crush I keep thinking about) and I didn't even have to think about it to trigger the shift symptoms.

But I had no idea about shifting so I went scared as hell to my mom about this issue, hysterical cause I thought I was gonna due. Of course she held the hand of her fourteen year old and we prayed to God about it. I remember I slept in her bed that night. Convinced myself it'll all stop cause my mom is there.

That was the last time I felt the symptoms of shifting. Not until this year when I stubbled upon shifting, loa, manifestations. I decided to try shifting and I've got the exact same symptoms that I had before I knew anything about it. The limp body, vibrations, that slipping.

But it never goes beyond that. Unlike previously in 2022 when the falling was endless and relentless to pull me over while I fought it, this time things don't go further. I don't know maybe it's because I'm aware of it now or I don't visualize enough or something but I can't get past the falling anymore. I hyperventilate and panic most times, maybe that's why, I dunno know. Maybe I was never shifting back then. Maybe it's cause I never went past the falling stage before and I made my mind think it was dangerous and I could probably die if I did, I don't know.

However, I have manifested a lot of things like my mum's marriage (by accident), family going to a new house, daydreamed about our current house being rented by a couple that paid much and they appeared at our gate two weeks later literally saying someone directed them to our place (they looked exactly like i had visualized them it was scary and I gaped at them like forever before responding that my family actually lived there.) I manifested academic success and so on.

I know loa, shifting and all is real. No one can convince me it's not, because I can recall manifestations I made before learning about anything like loa. So I know I can shift.

I don't know if anyone cares to listen but if you wanna give up, or you're having doubts or anything like that, I just wanna say stay put, baby girl. Stay put. You don't want to turn your back on this. Infact you can't, it circles your entire life. Live your life normally, with the knowledge of loa and stuff, apply it like you do for butter on bread or something. Casually, nonchalantly, I don't know. Just don't give up.

It's all real.

[satrs]

Heyyy I was wondering since it's like mothers day tmr

Could you do blue lock boys meeting your mom for the first time or like celebrating mothers day with her idk I thought it's a cute idea

Also Happy mothers dayyy

I loveee this!!! Tysm, happy mother’s day to you too and every mother out there🫶🏾🫶🏾

Son in law!

synopsis; meeting your mother for the first time!

ꜰᴇᴀᴛᴜʀɪɴɢ; Shidou Ryusei. Michael Kaiser. Itoshi Sae. Bachira Meguru.

ᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛ;0.8k.

Tags; mention of a stroke(once). mention of kids/marrige. fluff. nothin else me think

ᴀʟʟ ᴄʜᴀʀᴀᴄᴛᴇʀꜱ ᴀʀᴇ 18+!

SHIDOU RYUSEI.

You were freaking out at first (understandable), but to your surprise, he was on his best behavior, amazing even.

He gets along with your mother very well, even brought her flowers and compliments her until no end.

"Now I know where your daughter got her gorgeous looks from."

Helps your mother with everything, bringing the food to the table, taking the dishes and cleaning them, all that.

Is all ears when your mom spills teaaa about your childhood. Intensely listens and snickers when she shows him embarrassing baby pictures of you, triggering you to pout with a frown on your face because you knew damn well he would tease you about it to no end.

You honestly fell in love with him a second time. And your mother sure did too.

She adores him. At some point, you even get jealous at how much of his attention is solely on your mother. But you're really glad it turned out better than you imagined (you thought he would be a literal menace and give your mother a stroke).

MICHAEL KAISER.

A TOTAL MOTHERS FAVOURITE I JUST KNOW IT. Everyyy mother wishes to have him as a son-in-law. And your mother is more than happy that he chose to fall in love with her child.

Doesn't even have to do more than greet her with a handsome smile, and kissing the back of her hand in a charming manner, and she's already giving you her blessing for marriage.

"Yes, when are we getting married, love? And your darling mother sure wants some grandkids, right?" His voice is drenched in charm, causing you AND your mother on the opposite side of the table to blush.

Won't shut up about his love for you. At some point, even makes sure your mother heard him say what he just said, LMAO. But your mom can see, and also hear from the way he talks to you, how much he loves you.

She's sure he's the right one and has not a single doubt about you both devotion for each other.

Already has the perfect marriage planned out in her head, fingers tingling to call up her connections.

Man. Just marry that man already and do your mother a favor.

ITOSHI SAE.

We got THE gentlemen of the gentlemen right here. He is kinda nervous to meet your mother for the first time, so he tries to do his best.

And with his best, I mean, buying ridiculously expensive gifts for her. Be it exquisite wine or jewelry from Cartier, he got it all.

You can only shake your head at his behavior, trying to explain to him that your mother will like him nonetheless, to no avail.

"I know, but, just to be sure."

And your mother was overjoyed when you both came over, almost jumping up and down as she got gift after gift from the young man.

He was actually pretty nervous??? But tried to not make it really obvious. It was kinda obvious. You noticed, but your mother didn't, too busy in inspection all the gifts he spoiled her with.

With time, he calmed down, less tense and cautious about the way he talks and what he talks about.

Your mother welcomed him in a heartwarming way, making him feel just as comfortable he is with you, all his worries flying right out the window.

BACHIRA MEGURU.

He's just the best. Literally.

You couldn't quite understand his worries, when he told you he fears that your mother might think he's an 'oddball' or 'weirdo'.

You assured him that your mother would love him just how you began to do years ago. He felt at ease at your words, taking a deep breath and checking himself in the review mirror of the car again before heading to the doorstep with you.

"I don't smell or anything, do I? Are the flowers alright?", you chuckled at his behavior, acting as if he was about to have an important job interview.

Well to him, it was an important interview, the interview of 'getting your mother to like him and maybe even accept him as her Son in Law in the near future'.

As soon as your mother open the door and embraces you and him in a tight, loving hug, all the nervous tension left his body in an instant.

He began to learn that he is a sucker for your mother's cooking. Babbles of how it's 'so good' and 'the best food he ever had' while still having chunks of food in his mouth, causing loud laughter to erupt from your lungs.

Most definitely takes the leftovers home with you, making sure to let her know again how delicious it was, causing your mother's heart to jump at the recognition of her lovingly made food.

ᵃˡˡ ᶜᵒⁿᵗᵉⁿᵗ ᵇᵉˡᵒⁿᵍˢ ᵗᵒ k-azus.°