#now im just down and don’t want to go | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

the-eldritch-it-gay · 3 months ago

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I told my yt mom I wanted to go to a native market today (it’s an event celebrating indigenous peoples day, with vendors, food, music, etc) and my mom was like “Yeah but you don’t need anything. You already have stuff. Don’t spend any money.” And stuff And now I’m just. 😕

#now im just down and don’t want to go #my mom literally sent me a link to events going on for indigenous peoples day but the second I want to go to one #now suddenly I’m irresponsible with money and too materialistic bcuz I want to support local native vendors #they were going to have a frybread food truck I was looking forward to as well

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ricky-mortis · 7 months ago

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Curtwen Week Day 7: First Meeting/Last Words

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quins-makeshift-menagerie · 7 months ago

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Brb gotta just yell into the void

#GOD IM JUST #so both Q and I were under the impression we would be getting help fixing the place #almost a full week later #it’s basically just been me his elderly grandma and him when hes not working #which is very little time since he’s full time #I have been working on this place from basically sunrise to sunset #doing what I can to make it clean and repaint #but I can’t do most repairs #mainly what the bathroom needs #but today #ooooooo today #Q’s parents are getting on our nerves man #we’ve been trying to explain that the bathroom is not functional in it’s current state #and instead of Q’s father #the landlord of this place who decided keeping it while living two and a half hours away was a smart idea #helping to fix said bathroom #says he’d rather work on the living room floor which is the lowest priority #and when we expressed this to them #his mother goes #if you don’t like it you can go live somewhere else #EXCUSE ME #I have literally been spending all the time I can trying to fix up YOUR place for you two #to the point where I am now coming down with a cold and my lowing back is killing me #where Q is sacrificing every free moment he has trying to do what he can while working a full time job #and THIS is the thanks we get???????#what the hell #anyway they’re coming tomorrow but Q has work so I am going to cry #I am so exhausted and stressed if they pull some shit I might just do something I shouldn’t #I want this to be over #the second were able to afford a house we’re getting the hell out of here

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kuroosdarling · 1 year ago

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hello friendz !! i am packing my bags and moving to @tetzoro !!! please come join me if ya want ^_^

back to navi.

#i’ve been so annoying about this all week to my buddies but i have made the decision to archive this blog !#i’ve had so many good memories here and have met so many amazing people that i get to call my friends 🥹#i’ll forever be thankful for this blog for giving me a safe space to be myself and fully indulge (aka go delulu) in anime men #a large part of me does not want to make the move but tbh it comes down to organization #when i made this blog i never thought i’d meet mutuals and find a community here #if i knew then what i knew now i would’ve just made a new blog from the start #but managing a main blog and side blog sucks !!! (for me) bc i view this as my main blog #and tbh a fresh start sounds really nice #so !! if u read all this im giving you a pat on the head and a freshly baked cookie #i hope to see u guys at my new blog !!!#i am going to try to follow a lot of u from it but also !!!#no pressure to become moots again if ya don’t wanna <33 #love y’all sm #ALSO ! i will be keeping this blog up #forever my shrine to kuroo tetsuro #(my new blog is still v kuroo - centric .. don’t get me wrong. he is still the man™️)#okay im nervous !! laterz !!! <3 #⁺. ʚ aims lore ɞ ⋆˙

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sickfreaksirkay · 5 months ago

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having university doubts goddd kill me

#i got into one of the best universities in the uk (+ in fact the world) and I rejected it because I didn’t want to live in London #but now I’m like. why did i reject that #also i got way higher grades than i needed so i could’ve gone to like. oxford etc #and im going to a really good uni like top for uk but its not Up there for the world university rankings #but i don’t really want to live in london because its terrifying and expensive #but also i fret i won’t fit in at the one im going to and it seems to have a really tiny lgbt community there which is off putting to me #anyway none of this matters because I’m going to the one I accepted in a couple of weeks anyway #i just feel like everytime i tell someone what uni im going to i have to clarify that i turned down the better one so they don’t #think im not that smart. which is stupid because im going to a really good one anyway so no one will think im not smart for going to it #also. maybe i wasted time studying to get such good exam results when i only needed a a a #SORRY. ignore this gang🙏🫶 im normal now

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carlos-tk · 3 months ago

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sometimes i can’t believe i was posting wips every single wednesday and sunday for literal months like who even was that person

#and now i can’t even write a paragraph without taking a month break #or monthS should i say #god why aren’t the words so easy anymore 😫😖#this writers block thing is doing my absolute head in #i get so excited to still be tagged #and then i’m all ☹️ cos i have no words to share back #i have so many wips so may ideas but i am so scattered #i miss writing soooo much #and instead of actually writing #i just think about it #and never get any words down #also we’re like a third of the way thru the new season and that is scaring me #i feel like by the time i can write again or finish a fic i’ll have missed the boat #and everyone will have moved on #or already written the same idea but better #and it’ll be like hey! what’s the point #anyway i’ll try to be reassured by the fact everyone stayed active during an 18 month hiatus #and the more fics the merrier #also feels like i’m trying to make up for lost time #for all the years the show aired and i wasn’t apart of the fandom #i want to enjoy and savour all the moments of the new season with you all #and get out of my own head #but that won’t be tonight 🥲#🌀 hours #don’t mind me being a sook lol #emphasis on the sunday scaries tonight #literally how is it monday again already im going insane 😵‍💫#d stuff

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the-meme-monarch · 1 year ago

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swomp and jackie are aro. to me

#partially bc I don’t care for shipping jackie and swomp I Would Just Like For Them To Be Friends and partially bc #swomp says he’s not interested in dating #and jackie seems pretty put off by swomp at first thinking he’s flirting calling her beb and seemed to like the prospect of being friends w #with lilli #I mean it seems to be played as a Clueless Lesbian joke since jackie goes ‘wait was she flirting w me’ after leaving but #i think she thinks Girl Pretty though. being aro is a spectrum etc etc #perhaps she is an aro lesbian idk #ALSO her being Big No at the idea of putting her hair down bc ray or marv might find it attractive #i don’t like being found attractive ! aro !#but again it could be Not Wanting To Be Attractive To Men Specifically ! aro lesbian !#im not done w the game again yet so there may be dialogue im missing that would better inform my headcanons here. so As Of Now #going under #going under game #words from the monarch

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seventh-district · 11 days ago

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#Seven’s Public Diary #vent #vent post #cw negative #cw health issues #‘You’re such a heartless and hateful person.’ well have you ever considered that i’m not really a hateful person and i just hate You #like. call me whatever you want to i guess. im definitely selfish and probably heartless but hateful? idk abt that.#i only feel like i hate people that have given me good fucking reason to. sorry i dont have an infinite supply of tolerance & forgiveness??#but im a wee bit fucking stressed so you’ll have to forgive me for being a bitch. well no one Has to forgive me. do whatever you want #‘That 10-day old pasta salad is making me feel sick.’ MF that was made TODAY. IT’S FRESH AND THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH IT #if you feel sick how about you look down at the fifteen empty beer cans on the floor next to you and ask them what they think did it #dumbass. whatever man i have bigger problems than your self-induced tummy ache #i feel sick too but i know it’s my fault so i’m not bitching about it. i gave you fresh food while I ate the old stuff to keep from wasting #food. because you act like you’re fucking allergic to leftovers. and yeah it had probably gone off and that’s why I feel sick #but what you ate tonight was fresh as could be so we’re sick for two Very different reasons. and i know how to admit when it’s my fault #everything is my fault. my teeth and gums hurt and that’s My fault for not taking care of them. apparently 3 root canals wasn’t enough #for me to learn my goddamn lesson. i never do. so i’ll have to spend more money on that soon and thats My fault. the dog’s teeth need #cleaning too and that’ll come out of my pocket and i guess that’s My fault for not taking care of him either #i think i have another goddamn UTI and that’s definitely My fault so another $100 trip to urgent care it is i guess!#my Random Nerve Pain has moved to my hands so i can’t use them too much or it fucking hurts and i guess that’s my fault???#my neck pain is back and thats my fault for not clearing my bed off enough to sleep in a comfortable position #my eye keeps twitching and i guess that’s my fault too. i don’t know anymore i just wanna throw in the towel man im so tired #god the UTI tests i wasted money on are arriving tomorrow and if they’re packed in a way that shows what’s inside then i’ll have to explain #That to whoever brings in the mail. great great something else to worry about all night #the living room floor is caving in so now there’s Two room’s floors that need fixing so that’s super fucking fun! 😃#i need to talk to my bank and i need to talk to a tax professional and i need to learn to drive and i need to get an autism diagnosis #well i don’t Need the last one but i want it so bad. but im scared. that i’ll go to all this trouble and they’ll say i don’t qualify #and god it’s NYE now. Besties i’m not gonna get that NMbD NYE fic ready in time. i just can’t make myself write these days. i’m sorry.#i doubt anyone is gonna be That disappointed but I Am. in myself. 3 fucking years now i’ve failed to finish it. w h y. i Want to write but #there’s just too much on me rn. but when is there Not. sigh. idk what i’m gonna do but something needs to change. in my life. soon.

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danielnelsen · 5 months ago

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things aren’t going well with peach. while i think my dad’s very right to be concerned that she hasn’t eaten anything in nearly 60 hours (obviously i am too), im becoming increasingly concerned that she hasn’t slept at all in around 36 hours and prior to that she was under anaesthetic, which isn’t exactly restful, so it’s closer to 48 hrs

like dad took her back to the vet today and we’ve got injections for her painkillers now because she’s not eating, and also injections for fluids (because she doesn’t drink; she only gets water from her food), so the not eating is Bad but also kinda under management, but if she doesn’t sleep soon i’m extremely worried. dad was like ‘if she doesn’t eat by tomorrow afternoon we’ll take her back because the injections will run out’ but like. if she doesn’t sleep tonight we have GOT to take her back first thing in the morning so they can sedate her or something

#her pain doesn’t seem to be too bad now that she’s got pain relief so idk what’s stopping her from sleeping #she won’t even lie down unless i’m sitting next to her. she just sits there staring out the window #her pupils are also taking up her entire eyes and have been all day #that’ll be a side effect of the medication and maybe the lack of sleep? but it won’t be making her feel any better #she can probably barely see at this point #like imagine you’ve been awake for 2 days after surgery and you’re in a lot of pain and haven’t eaten since before surgery #and are also on strong painkillers. and you also have no idea what’s wrong with you or why everyone’s doing things that hurt you #bruh your brain would be COOKED. there’s no way she has any idea what’s going on rn but she’s clearly feeling terrible #personal #like i think she’ll be ok in the long-term but she’s gotta somehow get through all these immediate issues #last time something like this happened she stopped drinking and never started again #not eating or sleeping don’t have workarounds as simple as putting water in her food #it really doesn’t help that there’s so much other shit going on rn #i’m doing a whole bunch of stuff with my phone and computer that’s taking a lot of work #but also my sister’s going on a long overseas trip that she’s leaving for tomorrow #so the combo of dad and sister coming and going constantly and also like 6 random deliveries for tech stuff in the last 2 days—#has the dogs really wound up. so georgie’s been howling at absolutely everything #and it’s rainy so my clothes aren’t trying and they’re hanging on a rack hooked on the hallway door so the door can’t close #which puts one less door between my room and the dogs so they’re waking me up every time anything happens #and i sleep during the day so that’s ALL THE TIME. i’ve had like 8 hrs of sleep between the last two afternoons #my sister always has so much random life stuff she wants to talk about and was getting really annoyed that i wasn’t very receptive #like ‘im about to go away for 3 months’ sorry i know its a big thing but i can’t just reschedule peach’s medical emergency

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alxor-of-hellsite · 10 days ago

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THINGS!

2025 is going to be the most jam packed stressful year of my life & i know that for sure because a lot is already planned. So i WILL be an absolute mental wreck (this is apologies in advance) & i will literally be clinging onto support most likely the whole year so tumblr will either be me spamming constantly or me not here for weeks or months at a time & barely posting? i’m so unpredictable. Anyways my entire life is guaranteed to change & the best case scenario will still ruin a lot of shit for me so if i get really depressed THERE IS REASON!!!! & i’ve already made several promises so the world is stuck with me if i can help it. so uuhhhhhhhhh YEAH. ANYWAYS IM SCARED FUCKING SHITLESS LIKE ZERO SHIT SCARED OUT KF MY FUCKING MIND SO YEAH. THE MENTAL STATE WONT BE THE BEST. LOVE YOU GUYS!!! IF MY ACTIVITY IS SPOTTY IM NOT DEAD WE’RE PROBABLY JUST DISSOCIATED AS SHIT!

Anyways. TLDR i’m going to be super fucking stressed out & out of pocket for the next year because of shit.

Any friends of ours read tags pretty please <3

#new year 2025 #going to be super hyperactive or stare at a wall for a week & i don’t know which one it will be yet it’s leaning towards stare at a wall #for maybe like a month. just stare at wall & cry #BUDDY REN IS NOT OKAY! BUT HANGING IN THERE!#WE COMMITTED TO HARD TO THE BIT THAT IS LIFE SO YALL ARE STUCK WITH ME LESS SUN DONT SHINE RIVERS TAKE ME DOWN!#mighhhhhht end up relapsing on the addiction but that is way better than being dead. it doesn’t have to be healthy at this point #as long as it keeps me alive & sane i guess? i’ll obviously try not to but like dark times are dark #life update #IF YOU ARE AN IRL THAT I TALK TO OFTEN & YOU NOTICE ME NOT RESPONDING TO ANYTHING OR REACHING OUT PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD REACH OUT #IM SAYING THIS NOW BECAUSE IVE BEEN INCREDIBLY SUICIDAL BEFORE & AM BEING CAUTIOUS AS HELL!!!! MENTAL STATE IS NOT A FUCKING GAME OVER HERE #LIKE IF I START SHOWING SIGNS & I AM NOT TAKING CARE OF IT ALREADY REN IS A STUBBORN BITCH & WILL REFUSE HELP BUT IM NOT PLAYING #IF SHIT STARTS GETTING CONCERNING FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PLEASE INTERVENE #LIKE OBVIOUSLY IF YOU ARENT DOING GOOD EITHER & NEED PRIORITIZE YOURSELF DO THAT!!!#BUT IF YOU ARE IN A POSITION TO HELP & CATCH ON TO ANY CONCERNING SIGNS PLEASSSSSSE DONT LET THIS BITCH TURN HELP DOWN & INTERVENE #WE WILL PROBABLY NEED ALL THE HELP WE CAN GET & ALL THE SUPPORT WE CAN ASWELL #BUT ALSO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF PLEASEEEE? DONT IGNORE YOUR OWN NEEDS #APOLOGIES IF THIS IS WORDED BAD IM NOT THE BEST WRITER THATS NOT MY JOB #SERIOUSLY LOVE YOU GUYS & IM GOING TO TRY MY HARDEST TO SUPPORT MYSELF BUT WE MIGHT NEED MORE HELP THAN WE CAN GIVE OURSELVES ALONE?#IF ANY OF THIS SHIT MAKES SENSE #MIGHT NOT? I DUNNO DM ME IF YOU WANT TO BATTLE PLAN WITH ME #THE BATTLE BEING LIFE WHILE CHANGING LITERALLY EVERYTHING & MAYBE BEING AN INTERNALLY DISPLACED REFUGEE IN THE COMING MONTHS #I LOVE YALL! UH THANKS FOR READING I GUESS? IM TIRED & GONNA SLEEP NOW #GOOD NIGHT YALL <3

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iliveinprocrasti-nationn · 10 months ago

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one thing abt being disabled/chronically ill that some people don’t get is that sometimes body maintenance that ensures you have the absolute minimum amount of function can also be something that takes away a lot of control and autonomy. you can argue till the cows come home that making those decisions to try and help yourself (or realistically to try to make sure things aren’t worse than they already are) is something that exhibits control and autonomy and stuff, but they can be so limiting in practice because they’re things that take up so much time but have to be done to do anything else

#i have to sleep a lot. i’m at the point where functioning requires 8 hours of sleep if not more #I should probably be getting 10+ but i’m a student and i work so 8 is the minimum. but then also getting ready for bed is a whole process s #the whole thing can take 10-12 hours depending how much im sleeping. just to make sure i can do anything #that is time in my day i cannot use for anything else. it’s not ‘oh but i can push through it’ because i can’t without spending the next da #lightheaded and nauseous and vaguely dizzy and with such intense brain fog I can’t think with my fatigue so bad i genuinely don’t know how #get myself to work a lot of days. my abled peers don’t have to deal with this at all. they have unlimited study time if they want to #and yeah it is a choice i’m making that’s true i could just not do. except i would lose my job and fail out of college because i would not #be able to get to classes or do my homework or think. but being told ‘but you are making choices about your life’ when i have lost so much #of what i used to be able to do because i am spiralling down and continuing to get worse is so.#literally last year i would wake up at 6:30 and then go to school till 3 and then go to my internship until 10 and get home at 11 and be in #bed anywhere from midnight to two in the morning and then wake up the next day and do it all again. i graduated with a 3.9 gpa and made it #into my top college while dealing with my cancer symptoms and then the two surgeries about it #but now i lose half my day to just making sure i can get out of bed. i can’t go anywhere because my body is physically too exhausted #any extra time goes into doing homework or occasionally time to myself #not decimating my health by doing minimum body care responsibilities isn’t freeing. occasionally i have a good day which is freeing but tha #usually goes into just. other things outside class or work or eating. I don’t go do something for myself or go do something fun on good day #because I still can’t. good days just mean i don’t want to lie down on the pavement when i’m going somewhere #I just. I don’t magically have control over my life because i try to get enough sleep. i lose half my day to doing that and ultimately it’s #just a bodily function that would have to happen anyway #this is a vent post im just having a really hard time right now because it feels like im in exponential decline. it was nowhere near this #bad last semester. my grades are tanking and i have no free time because anything outside of sleep is either work or school #vent tw #yall can rb this just ignore my tags completely #disability #chronically ill #i keep trying to explain to people how pots works because that’s all logical but there’s no way to explain what it’s doing to my body or ho #i feel all the time. the last time i felt this bad was when i had a bad flu or immediately after surgeries because i don’t react well to #anesthesia and always come out of them feeling like shit. and now i just feel like this all the time and it’s only getting worse #I can’t even stay up late anymore because my body feels like it isn’t counting the sleep even if I get 8 hours #I can deal if I have a free day the day after but that just leaves Friday and Saturday nights and I usually still have to do homework

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deus-ex-mona · 10 months ago

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youtube

have you listened to meoto? yes? good!!!!! listen to it again~~~~~~!!!!!!!!!

#i fear that this song has changed me for life dangit #can’t even sit down for 3 minutes without thinking ‘ehehehehehe meoto mv coming soon’#i mean. c m o n. if these two already act like an old married couple 24/7 imagine what they’d do as an *actual* married couple #man. i want the last scenes of the mv to be something like lxl thanking the staff for their hard work at the mv ‘filming’#t h e n aizo trips on his hakama as they turn to each other or sth and falls forward and they accidentally kiss just as the song ends—#d. d o you s e e my vision auauauauauauauaaaaaaa #i can’t w a i t to see how they’ll even be able to act more lovey dovey than they do in *that* ny aizo unevolved 5⭐︎#anyways. i think everyone needs to listen to the lxl album radio tracks instead of wondering if there even will be a meoto mv #c’mon guysssss they outright confirm its existence t h e r e it’s just a matter of w h e n it comes out now auauauauauauaaaaaaaaaaaaa #. or actually. maybe don’t listen to the first lxl radio. if i didn’t i wouldn’t be thinking about the meoto mv 24/7 #hauauauauauuauaaaaaaaaaaaaa meoto mv w h e n hw pls give some crumbs im begggingghhhh #anyways. i think it’s about time for a meoto tag to filter out all this nonsense.#LXL MEOTO CRISIS 2K24 #there… now time to go back to retag everything else lmaoooooo #染BODY ONCE TOLD ME—

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quietwingsinthesky · 1 year ago

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what if. Amy “fix-it” because hallucifer makes sam so paranoid about dean leaving for no reason that sam gives in and follows him and is witness to the whole thing

#hallucifer: wow. big brother really trusts us. (beat) so something’s up right? we know it’s never this easy.#sam: (visibly restraining himself from saying shut up. about to grab his scar.)#hallucifer: (aware he’s about to be banished) don’t listen to me if you want but. I’m just trying to help.#don’t blame me if you look in the papers tomorrow and find a obit for your brain-eating girlfriend. and… what was her kid’s name again?#sam: (touching the scar. not pressing down. face all screwed up.) || hallucifer: :3 it’s not like it’ll hurt anyone #if he really does trust you he doesn’t even have to know we’re following him. *and* you’ll know your brother still trusts you.#even when I’m here. maybe he won’t even punch you again. that still hurting?#sam: (grimace. because yeah. it does.) || hallucifer: door number two - he thinks you’ve lost it and he’s going to stab that woman to death.#so what’s it gonna be Sam? ready to gamble your friend’s life on if Dean gives a shit about your opinion?#[and that’s the point where sam goes to follow dean. still doesn’t talk to Lucifer. not there yet. but oh hallucifer is sooo pleased with #himself about this. because he’s Sam. and he picks up on what Sam doesn’t. and he could see all of Dean’s little giveaways that Sam was #turning a blind eye to. and now here’s the perfect opportunity to put a wedge between them and get sam to trust him more <3)#GOD. FUCK. IM UPSET NOW. WHY WASNT HALLUCIFER IN THAT EPISODE. MOST OF THE EPISODES?#such a good fucking concept. squandered.#anyway. idk if sam saves Amy but he DEFINITELY here’s Dean’s little speech to her about how she can’t change.#hallucifer with faux sympathy like (sigh) damn. well. i always told you what he was like. Michael. Michael-sword. no difference.#both of them want us dead the moment we step out of line.#and Sam just frozen there in horror with Lucifer’s voice sinking in. and he believes him. how can he not. with dean proving him right #hallucifer #spn #sam winchester #amy pond

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alloutshirt · 3 months ago

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#gonna make a really personal and selfish post but idk where else to write #i don’t know how to explain this to my bf cause it’s only been a month and i didn’t even get to tell him about 1d #and now ill never get to share that in the way i wanted to #this is how im gonna have to introduce and merge those part of me that are so close to my heart #and i just don’t know how to do it #we usually call when we get back from work but i couldn’t cause i broke down as soon as i came home #and i know he saw my story that’s probably why he didn’t call either #i just don’t know how to explain or if someone who didn’t experiment this can even understand #and i feel bad that he can’t be the first thing in my mind rn #and i don’t know how to say that without making it sound like a celeb is more important #but at this moment it is #cause it’s not some celeb it’s a huge part of me #i wouldn’t be here without 1d and now i have to keep going when he won’t

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wildevenusian · 4 months ago

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i just don’t understand. why say ur ready to talk if you aren’t?

can u believe this post is what got me to reach tag limit

#vaugepostimg on main about an irl don’t mind me #i just. am feeling sad bcus i have been trying to keep my distance and respect the space they said they needed. and then they reached out to #me for their book club and said we should chat and i got excited! i miss my friend of course i got excited #still let them take the lead. i want them to be comfortable. they said they’d lmk what day they were free #and then proceeded to ghost me for like. almost two weeks??#(it was 10 days but !!! still!!! almost 2 weeks from them suggesting i come to book club which would’ve inherently necessitated an irl talk #and then after all that yesterday said they actually weren’t ready which. hurted #tbf i knew something was up after like 2 days of them not replying so it’s not like i was fully caught off guard it just really hurt #and like i feel weird bcus our social circles are really overlapped and i spent a lot of time with them last winter and i had thought #that would happen again this winter. we would swim together a lot and i consistently went to their house dinners #bcus if i care about you i show up! and i’m understanding ! bcus i am patient and kind person and as a triple taurus i’m not tryna rush ever #especially when it comes to people’s emotions ??? especially if someone has told me i hurt them???? like ik im an autistic lesbian but #despite popular conceptions on that particular identity. im not fucking evil ????? if you ask for space i will give you space !!!!!#and like when it comes to emotions and conflict i’m blunt but i’m caring and it takes a lot for me to be disinfranchised by people #or relationships. so i’m not saying i don’t want to still be her friend #i’m just. noticing behaviors #they did tell me that they were very avoidant in conflict and i told them i’m very much not and like. now that i’m on the receiving end of i #idk what to do!! i’m not gonna chase her down like they’re grown!! and again!!! if you ask for space i’m going to respect that!!!#and like honestly. i’m happy she at least gave me the curtesy of saying they weren’t ready to talk even if it took her mad long to do it #so like. who tf knows when we’ll talk. if ever. probably when she wants the validation of our friendship if it even happens at all #bcus again. she reached out not to reconnect and clear the air but to check if i still wanted to come to her club she was starting #ik in earlier conversations she was worried no one would come but ig she found people. which like good for her tbh but to be honest i feel #discarded?? i’m feeling like i’m failing to not project too much so i gotta stop but idk man i’m just feeling weird about it all #and then i had the thought today of like. is this what i want in a friendship? someone who goes back and forth abt whether or not i’m worth #which again. kinda wasn’t expecting that bcus we spent so much time together last autumn/winter/spring like. many times per week!!!#so the idea of not being her friend all of a sudden?? feels fucjing weird to think about #but like? i don’t want to feel this way this is what i hate about west coast/white people conflict resolution!! there fucking isn’t any!!!#and i can’t deal with that! i can’t spend my life with people who aren’t going to engage with me as a person who cares about them #humans are fallible creatures and were only here on earth for so long so why are we wasting time here? what is the point of all this ???????#but then the guilt and shame say i deserve it all and at that point i just need to stop so. i’m gonna stop now lol

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sanchoyo · 1 year ago

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haven’t been on much bc my dog has been sick :( between seizures and an infected tooth we’ve been having a Time trying to get everything fixed (this started around the holidays so our vet has been very booked up…we have been like 3-4 times in the past 4-5 weeks OTL does not help it’s like an hour drive there, so that’s been exhausting) now his new seizure meds are making him sick (was hoping it was like, just an adjustment period thing but he’s been sick for a week and having concerning symptoms…) if I’m not on a ton or slow to replying to messages it’s bc I’m working as much overtime as my job will give me bc Vet Expensive and mentally drained obvi 😞

#it makes me a lil mad his meds were kinda pricy and they literally are making things worse. like sure he isn’t have seizures but he can #barely walk and keeps running into things and keeps having diarrhea so like. 🙃 and the meds are making him sooo hungry and thirsty #I’m seeing the vet AGAIN FRIDAY I know she’s so sick of me but man my little guy. if she can’t figure out a combo that doesn’t have such #bad side effects I’m literally going to scream and cry #he’s the most sensitive boy in the world and my mental health hangs on his and my cats well being. please. 😭#sanchoyorambles #I’ve also called them like twice to find out if I should stop or what they want me to do and keep getting ‘oh they’ll call u back’ WHEN #GIRL MY PUBBY #if I don’t hear back before his next dose I’m just gonna make an executive decision myself to stop them for now #he’s literally on the smallest possible dose too bc he’s so little. so. they can’t go down in dosage they’ll need to put him on smth else ��#which means paying for ANOTHER PRESCRIPTION A WEEK AFTER ALREASY GETTING ONE THAT WAS $30 ON TOP OF HIS STUPID VET BILL #screaming.#and like if I have the money it’s fine. and it’s not like the vet could’ve known he’d have bad side effects #im just frustrated it’s no one’s fault #I could go to a closer vet. the thing is I LIKE the one further away #they have the only groomer I’ve found that can trim him without sedating him! they send me reminders abt his shots! I like the vibes!!!#they seem caring!! but they are always SOOO BUSY it takes forever to make appointments or to hear back from them 😭#remember how I said one of my goals was to buy a vechicle this year lmao the vet bills are draining any savings I’ve managed to build up 🤧#my pets are priority 1 tho like even before all the medical stuff /I/ need like lol… that’s my baby #it’s just really bad timing. not that there’s good timing for medical issues but. u know

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