#now if only they could do that for posts on my das
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some people say things and im like i dont think you should be allowed to say more..
#the other day i was looking through the replies of a post bc sometimes i do things that are bad for my mental health#and immediately one of the replies was hidden bc apparently id blocked the user#which of the shitty updates tumblr has done i actually appreciated#like yes thank you dont show me this person ive blockeds replies#but it caught me off guard cuz i was like?????#cuz like normally i block people bc of their fandom posts#they say something and im like stop being so wrong in my vicinity#and i block them#i of course block random users in random non fandom related posts bc they say something and im like hm rancid vibes and block#but for the most part its fandom posts#so seeing some random person i apparently blocked on a random ass normal ass post i was like. shocked#didnt even recognize the url LMAO#and its fascinating bc u click on their profile and its like whoops u blocked this person so were not showing u their blog unless u want to#fascinating i say#i used to gonon a post and see some truly awful takes and go eugh and move to block only to discover when im already on their blog that huhr#that huh theyre already blocked#now i it tells me before i even come close to their blog....beautiful#now if only they could do that for posts on my das#god its 2 am i should go to bed#michi tag
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Keep calm, and drink soda
[CW for blood and gore and vomit] takes place a day or two after emizel was sired. just two boys adjusting to a shift in their daily norms. would YOU drink your homies blood? still not used to writing fanfic so any and all advice IS appreciated. i hope u enjoy.
There were very few things that Soda enjoyed more than well, drinking soda. It was a hobby, an interest, a comfort. And by extension there were very few errands that Soda would look forward to more than the occasional soda run.
The gas station closest to the Demons hideout had stopped selling Faygo entirely about a month or two ago, and it was near impossible to find it anywhere else. The closest place was now this janky little Shell gas station, lovingly titled the Shady Shell, that thankfully sold more flavors than any of the other ones ever did.
It made the hour and a half walk here entirely worth it. Even if this side of town made his skin crawl. Normally he would ask someone to accompany him on this daring little quest, but everyone at the hide out tonight just seemed too tired, too preoccupied, too uninterested.
He knew not everyone really got the soda thing, but they were accepting of it for the most part. Soda is something that, clearly, Soda really loves, but he knew not everyone else was into it.
Which was fine, of course. They didn't need to get it. But, still, sometimes Soda found himself wondering how much of it was a bit, and how much was him.
Emizel gets it perfectly though. He would've been the first person Soda would ask to go on this soda run with him, but, well. He's been preoccupied too, with the whole vampire thing.
It's been a bit more than a day since Soda had last seen his close comrade. For a friend that he saw just about everyday, going without him this long left him feeling a little emptier.
That was fine, though. Emizel had shit he was working out, he had things he needed to do. It's not like he could go out in the day anymore, so of course Soda wouldn't be seeing him at all the usual times.
It was a lot of weird and heavy magical stuff, it made Soda think about those superhero shows. Where the hero needs to keep his identity hidden from everyone. Family especially. He knows how much of a piece of shit Emizels dad is, so he hoped that Emizels home life wasn't stirred up all stupid-like over this.
He hasn't told anyone else, about what happened that night. For the last 2 days, Soda would spend time with close friends and not let them know a thing about what happened to Emizel so, so recently. Why he's so suddenly absent, so distant, so.. offâŠ
'Maybe his dad's just giving him a hard time', he would say, hoping to smother their questions. The less questions they ask, the better. At least until this vampire stuff gets figured out a bit more. Should Emizel wear a disguise when he goes out at night now? Just like a superhero? What kind of hero outfit would Emizel have anyways? Soda figured it would be something really cool.
If anyone could figure out a way to balance all this vampire stuff, and all the leaderly responsibilities that come with being the biggest dog in the Demons, it was Emizel for sure. That guy is so seriously cool.
He was sure this rough patch would even out, and they would weather the next rough patch together no problem. There was really nothing to worry about! All Soda has to do is stay positive, and well, drink soda.
As Soda walks quietly down the crumbling sidewalks of this dreary hive of strip malls and shops, he goes to pull his backpack around to his chest, fumbling with the zipper in the dark. Which was a little annoying, considering the tab of his zipper had fallen off forever ago. He really needed to get around to fixing this damn thing. Maybe another ziptie and a soda tab will do the trick.
Humid air hangs heavy in the night, the sidewalks still somewhat warm after a hotter day. The diesel-soaked air provided enough warmth on its own that Soda had considered taking his jacket off a few times, only for the occasional, annoyingly sharp and chilly breeze to brush by, reminding him to keep the thing on.
Tripping only once and only slightly on an uneven sidewalk, Soda manages to pull a bottle of Faygo from his backpack, a smile glowing on his face. Another short fight with the zipper seals up the bag, and he slings it over his shoulder again.
His flavor of choice tonight was actually the Red Pop, the tried and true, the absolute classic, one of the best Faygo flavors for sure.
But, this kind wasn't actually his favorite. Normally he would stock up on the cotton candy ones, but something about the last few days had him craving the red stuff.
Securing his backpack all the way, he goes to crack open the bottle. Just the clack and the hisssss of the fizzy drink were enough to lift his mood.
Not that his mood needed lifting or anything. Of course. Sure he missed his friend and sure he found himself wondering what heâs doing and where he is and if he's okay. Maybe sometimes he found himself wishing they talked about funeral plans more.
Emizel talked up all sorts of crazy funeral ideas for himself, usually involving the use of his dead body as an inconvenience for others. Outlandish and hilarious ideas, like filling it with explosives and tossing it into a busy road. But what would he want seriously? What would Soda ever do if he just stopped showing up one day?
He had to swallow down all these unnecessary anxieties, so he took a swig of his soda. Sweet, bubbly, comforting. He felt better already! Just stay positive, and drink soda..
It was a lovely night out, and he didn't come all this way planning on letting it go to waste. There was a place he was heading towards, a particular alleyway in this particular place that led off to a particularly tall concrete ledge.
 It was a run-down little space, littered with trash and shitty trees and those bushes with just too many goddamn ants in them. But the view was fairly nice, overlooking a massive deformed intersection. A particularly stupid one, at that; about 3 times a week you could witness a gnarly crash at this spot. Soda always heard people saying that LA folks can't drive, but he was just starting to figure that maybe no one can drive.
That was the place he really wanted to go to enjoy this soda, and he wasn't too far off from it. Just a few more blocks, and he would be there.
Oh wait, didn't he still have a bag of chips in this backpack somewhere? Hell yeah, he couldn't wait to sit down and relax with a good soda, a good snack, and a good view of the night.
Living as a Demon had its fair share of stresses. He felt lucky to have this life, but he knew well that it could be better. That not everyone has to worry about survival the way they do. That not everyone gets injured on the regular and not everyone has to worry about being sick and never getting better.
Living is hard. But it's finding the small moments of joy that make it all worth it. Dying would be scarier anyway. He didn't want to die, and he felt glad to feel so confident in that nowadays.
The sudden  THUNK of something slamming into the ground just a block away from him, jolts him out of his thoughts, all his gears screeching to a halt as he freezes in place. What the fuck was that?
It looked like a person, laying flat on the ground with only their head and shoulders peeking out of the alleyway ahead. Fuck. He hated this side of town..
Anxiety churns in his stomach as he debates just turning around, but the way the victim reaches an arm out, attempting to crawl away; it made his heart ache aswell. he's no goddamn fighter, but he couldn't just leave someone like th-
The body is suddenly yanked back into the alley, snatched at a startling speed. It didn't feel exactly real, how could something vanish so fast? It reminded Soda of something from a horror movie, or whatever. What the fuck was that??
His foot takes a step forward, before the rest of his body notices its rebellion and locks down again. Was he seriously going to investigate that? He could just walk away and take another alley. But that was the one he was supposed to turn down! All the other alleys are either walled off or gated off and he wasn't about to go climbing over a damn wire gate. His soda would get too shaken up! Fuck!
Another foot goes in for another step forward. He's gotta get the fuck out of here. He could hear more commotion in the alleyway, a scuffle, a skirmish. He could hear someone cursing through a choked breath. A loud and nauseating crack echoes out from the alley, and yet, Soda takes another step forward.
This was stupid, he shouldn't be getting tangled up in someone else's business. What if something happened to all this soda?
Thankfully, it was that thought that actually got him to pause, and take in a deep breath. It wasn't worth it, maybe he should head straight home.
Atleast, that was the thought his heart and mind were about to agree on, until a particularly familiar grroowwwwlll bleeds out from the alley.
Emizel?
All reason immediately evaporates as Soda makes that connection in his head, stepping right up to the corner of the brick walls, and peering around to investigate.
There was a body on the floor, face down in a puddle of red, head split open in a way that reminded Soda of a smashed watermelon.
But standing over that body, was the familiar, blackened coat, and short blonde hair, of Sodas closest comrade, Emizel.
Despite the carnage on the floor, Soda couldn't help the smile that lights up his face. That was Emizel! That was his boy!
But before he could get over just how happy he felt to see his best friend, something else caught his eye. Movement, behind the dumpster closest to the vampire boy. A person, rising out from the shadows with a glinting baseball bat clutched fiercely in their hands.
"Oh fuck, look out!" Soda speaks up, and Emizels gaze immediately clicks over to him, silencing Soda with just that startlingly red stare.
He had forgotten just how uneasy those red eyes made him..
The attacker, silent and professional, rushes up behind Emizel and CRACKS the metal bat downwards onto his blonde head, the sound ringing out like a  gun shot in that dark little alleyway.
Soda cringes from just the sound of the impact, but was amazed to find that the bat had warped under the force of it!
The attacker hardly had a chance to process his mangled weapon before Emizel whips around to retaliate.
It looked like he had just swung his hand at his opponent, so the way a shower of red spills outward from the slash, catches Soda completely off guard. The monster boy had cleaved an excruciatingly massive gash up from the attackers right hip, to his left shoulder, the slice spewing with scarlet.
 It wasn't until Emizel had pulled back his arm, that Soda could process the way it had darkened with more than just blood, distorted into an odd, spear-like shape.
The victim hardly had a chance to yelp before that blade swoops up into his chest at the speed of a snapping bear trap, plunging through meat and bone with disturbing ease, and forcing blood and viscera to erupt outwards. The red patters down onto the concrete behind, the sound similar to rain...
With another low, inhuman snarl, Emizel brings the twitching, dying body closer, until that signature squish of teeth sinking into fresh meat bleeds outward into the space.
What a disgusting sound, Sodas first instinct was to simply avert his eyes, but as the sound persists, he resolves that he has to do something.
He finally steps out into the alley, and speaks.
"Hey ma-"
He could hardly get two words out before Emizel suddenly rips its teeth away from its victims throat, tearing out a hefty chunk of jellied meat, and slamming the remaining fodder onto the concrete floor.
It immediately whips around to stare down Soda, red eyes glowing with reflected light, and with hardly a chance to process the moment-
-It's immediately right infront of Soda.
A gasp lurches from Soda's lungs as he almost stumbles back in shock. How was Emizel so fucking fast?
Other than that single step back, Soda was frozen in shock, his tongue buzzing with the physical pain of such a startling jolt. 'White boy jumpscare' is something that came to mind, but while usually such a thought would evoke some sort of laugh from Soda, this time it offered no such comfort. Okay maybe it did a little.
Emizels snarling face was only inches away from Sodas. Its eyes were wild and unnatural, teeth menacingly sharp and reddened with so much fucking blood. It was everywhere, coating most of his face, smothering his shirt and his coat, and absolutely choking the air with its thick, metallic stench.
Soda would gag if he felt he was safe to even move. He felt like he was locking eyes with that of a creature, something he would only ever see in his nightmares or in scary movies. But it was real. Those monsters are real. And his best friend is one of those monsters. His bestest friend in the world...
His mind was skewered on that unnatural glare, completely frozen with anxiety. Stalling too hard to come to a proper conclusion, Soda instead falls back onto what Soda does best.
"H-hey man... You want some soda?"
He very gently presses the opened bottle of Faygo into Emizels chest.
The two boys stand there for a moment, locked in a tense, silent pause, before the monster boy finally peels its gaze down to the bottle.
It's quiet, for a few seconds, the gears turning in its head. Until the monster blinks, and its eyes clear, and Emizel processes the sight of the bottle.
"Oh, fuck yeah dude, is that the Candy Apple Faygo? Man, that stuffs my favorite!" Emizel smiles as he goes to accept the bottle, and immediately takes a massive swig.
Soda tries to disregard the way his hands were still shaking. "Uh, n-nah man, its just Red Po-"
The words are bit off as Emizel suddenly retches, a heavy flood of red blood and red Faygo spewing out onto Soda, as the vampire boys body entirely rejects the fizzy drink.
The shock of getting fucking projectile vomited on had snapped Soda out of whatever daze he was just in, and it seemed to snap Emizel out of it too. Soda backs up with a groan, looking down at all the blood and bile and pop on his shirt and coat.
"Ohhh fuck dude, what the hell??" He cringes, not even wanting to try smearing any of it off with his hand.
Emizel was coughing, still holding out the Faygo bottle, but hunched over as his body dared to convulse again.
"Ohhhhhh fuck, ohhooohhh fuuuuucckkk" he grumbles towards the floor "Fuuuck Iâm sorry dude, I don't know what fuckin- oohhhgg shit,â He coughs and groans, offering the bottle back to Soda.
Soda was still staring at his messied coat with a displeased grimace, but looking up to meet Emizels eyes...
There was a guilt on Emizels face that Soda didn't see too often, and it helped wash away that irritation he felt. This sucked, but Emizel was probably going through a lot more.Â
âItâs, uhm.. don't, don't worry about it, man..â Soda decides to reassure him, offering a sympathetic smile, and a hand on Emizels shoulder, as his comrade spits out the remaining blood and bile.
"Fuckin hell⊠Iâm uh, I'm sorry about your shirt, man."
"What? Nahh it's okay man, donât worry about it." Soda shrugs, taking the Faygo bottle back. "I mean, are you okay man? That uh.. looked like a pretty crazy fight."
Emizel was rubbing his eyes, smearing more blood across his face as he seems to be collecting himself. he spares a glance back at the carnage behind him. Â
"Ah.. yeah.. I thought I uh.. I thought I saw that one fucker from uh. That one night. Yknow, the one that uh.." He snaps his fingers, as if trying to summon back the memory. "Vampire bitch... Anyway after that I just kind of, uh.."
He seems to space out again as he looks around. It was as if he was just woken up from a deep sleep, like he was certain he had just known what he was doing, but found the dream escaping him. "I guess I just.. went crazy on these guys. I dunno, they're Fangs anyways." he finally shrugs it all off, but Soda still felt unsatisfied by the answer.
"Oh.. huhâŠâ is the only response he manages to scrounge together. Sure they were Fangs, but did they really deserve.. all that? It just seemed a bit brutal, even by Emizels standards.
He found his eyes wandering over to the split-open head. It was mostly red and bloody, but even in the dark, he could still make out some of the finer details of the gray jelly seeping from the gash. A human brain. He wondered if his own brain looked the same on the inside..
âSo what are you doing out here, man?â Emizels question helps Soda pull his eyes away from the gore, instead looking over to his bloodied comrade.
Emizel looked messy and even exhausted, but his drowsy gaze was focused on Soda with a worried expression.Â
âOh, uh, yknow, just a soda run. Decided I would stock up on some Faygo from the Shady Shell.â Soda shrugs, his eyes flickering down to the opened Faygo in his hand. The top was covered in regurgitated blood. unnaturally blackened bloodâŠ
âAre you.. okay, by the way? Other than the whole..â Soda gestures vaguely at the gruesome crime scene. âAre you hurt?â
The question has Emizel pausing to consider. He straightens his back and stretches his arms, as if trying to detect any pain from any possible injury. Nothing seemed to be bothering him though, and after a second, he decides to shrug.
âNah, I'm all good.â
âOh.. That's good, I uhâŠâ Soda found himself looking over Emizel aswell, searching for any wounds the monster boy might be simply disregarding, as he often does.
There was a fairly gnarly gash on his shin..
âHey uh, I was actually gonna go hang out by the ledge down that way. Yknow, the one with the funny intersection.â Soda says, gesturing off towards where he intended to go. âWanna come with?â
Emizel looks back that way, before turning back to Soda with a big smile on his face.Â
âOh hell yeah I do! I love the funny intersection!â he starts to walk down the alley, about to step over the body of the broken skull, when Soda speaks up.
âUh, hey, shouldn't we uh.. Do something about the.. uh..â He waves a hand over towards the bodies, trying not to look directly at them.Â
Emizel spares the corpses an inconvenienced glance, and a sigh, but ultimately shrugs them off. âEhhh I'll just dump 'em in a dumpster again.. That's what I've been doing anyway.â
âAnd you're not worried about, like, anyone finding them?â
Soda anxiously watches on as Emizel paces around the body with the torn-out throat, licking the blood from his own mouth. Was his tongue always that long and pointed? That's neat, and normally Soda would point it out, but he was a bit.. preoccupied right nowÂ
âNahh not really. I haven't had anyone bother me at least.. Anyone been bothering you?â Emizels eyes finally flick back over to Soda.Â
âNah, I'd say things are actually more lax than usual. Anything that would end up being troubleâs been pretty much crushe- er, killed- destr- stamped out, by uh, by you.â Sods was cringing with every attempt to find a word that didnât make his stomach turn, but Emizel didnât seem to notice or mind.
Emizels eyes were currently a bit more focused on the body laying before him. He had that weird look on his face againâŠÂ
âUhh, yeah, yeah that's good that uh, no troubles coming back to you guysâŠâ
Thereâs a moment of quiet between the two as Emizel stares at this corpse, and Soda was about to open his mouth to fill the silence, but Emizel speaks up instead.
âHey uh, why donât you go ahead of me? Iâll uh, I'll meet you at the place.â He suggests, pointing vaguely off down the alley, but not removing his eyes from the kill.Â
Soda certainly hesitates, his eyes narrowing before he even forms a thought. He opens his mouth to object, but then his eyes flicker back towards the body.
âAre you gonna eat this one too?â
The question leaves Sodas mouth as soon as it comes to mind.
Emizel pauses, and considers, before giving a shrug. âI don't see why not. Perfectly good blood.â He reaches down to grab his kill by the shirt, the one with the split open head. As the corpse rises from the concrete, gray matter drips and sloughs from the crack in its skull. Once again, Soda felt the need to look away, and yet his stupid eyes remained fixated on the horrendous sight. Emizel looks over the spilling brain of his meal, licking his lips curiously. âDude, what do you think would happen if I ate his brain?â Emizel asks, looking back over to Soda with a wild, bloodied smile. Something about that look made Soda shiver, but.. Not really in a bad way⊠âUh, I.. DunnoâŠ. Eating a persons brain is how you get like, mad cow disease right? But you might also be immune to disease.. Are you immune to disease?â âUhhh, I don't know yet actually. I'm still figuring out how much of this is like video games,â Emizel says, rubbing the back of his head as he idly sways the body of his kill around, watching the blood and gore drip and drop from its broken head. âEh, I'll chance it later.â Without another word or thought, Emizel goes to sink his teeth into the shoulder of his kill, a pleased growl radiating from him as the blood gushes around the bite. More fresh blood upon less fresh blood upon old blood upon older blood. Just so much fucking blood. Soda thought he was used to seeing blood, but this⊠this was just egregious. Was he really starting to get used to this? Itâs just blood after all, and itâs not from his comrades, so it's⊠fine⊠He finally manages to pull his eyes away from the gruesome sight of Emizel feeding, but his eyes instead wander down to the blood on his own shirt. Emizels blood was strange, darker than usual, and carrying a different scent. Something about the smell of his blood was more savory, more appealing than the standard metallic miasm. His shirt was smothered in it, his jacket was coated in it, and his opened bottle of Faygo was also splattered with the deep red ichor. Ink swirls within the bottle of red fizzy, spreading out into all sorts of odd patterns. It was a lot of blood. He was certain a lot of it came from however many people Emizels been feeding on. With how much hes been terrorizing the Fangs in just the last few days, and with how nonchalantly he feasts on his kills, who knows how much blood hes actually ingested⊠Soda swirls the bottle, watching the blood inside thin out into strands, dancing within the bubbly soda as they gradually dissipate, fully assimilating into the drink. A bad idea chews at the back of his head⊠The sound of ripping flesh once again knocks at Sodas head. He doesnât look up this time, but he knew Emizel was just playing with his food again.. Did blood taste good to a vampire? Did some blood taste better than others? What did Sodas blood taste like? What did Emizels blood taste like? There's a visceral snap of something among the chewing and ripping, very clearly a bone or a joint snapping out of place. It made Soda shiver a little. When did his heart start pounding? There's an animal standing only 8 feet away from him, feeding on its kill. That animal is a person, and so is its kill. He wanted to know what vampire blood tasted like, but he already knew what human blood tasted like. It hung so densely in the air, he could feel it forming a vile film over his tongue. The blood of a person just like him. Eaten by an animal that eats people. All this stress was no good. This bile rising to his throat was no good. This creeping anxiety was no good. He's friends with an animal that eats people. Would it eat him? This weird feeling was no good. Maybe it will never eat him. But it needs to eat people. This worry was no good. He needed to wash this awful taste from his mouth, replace it with something sweeter. He needed to keep his head clear enough to be there for Emizel when he needed to be. He needed to hold a light to these shadows. And he needed to stay positive, and drink soda. He takes a swig of the open Faygo bottle.
#NO MAIN TAGS WE DIE LIKE ROADKILL#WOW ISNT IT WEIRD THAT YOUR BESTEST FRIEND IN THE WHOOOLE WORLD EATS PEOPLE NOW#ISNT IT WEIRD THAT YOU KIND OF WISH YOU WOULD BE EATEN. EXCEPT NOT RLY BC U WOULD DIE. MAYBE HE COULD HAVE A NIBBLE#i might come back to ramble in the tags more later. STAY TUNED!!!#OKAY IM BACK TO RAMBLE. FIZZFAGS SEAL O APPROVAL IN THE TAGS U MEAN THE WWWOORRLLD TO MEEEE#THIS IS ALL YOUR FFAAAUULTT UR THE ONLY REASON THESE LOSERS ARE ROTATING IN MY BRAIN SO SO FAST#I DO INTEND TO WRITE MORE!! AND I DO INTEND TO LET IT GET WEIRDER#Iwanna make a lil chapter two w them hanging out at the funny intersection while soda maybe tries to patch emizel up.#wouldnt it be fucked up if u saw ur best friend get bled out n then sired right infront of u#and wouldnt it be fucked up if ina vampiric daze he almost sinks his crazy shark teeth into your throat#and wouldnt it be fucked up if you kinda wish he did. like not in a weird way or anything its not weird its not weird at all#RAAHH IM SO HAPPY THAT PPL LIKE MY WRITING STYLE N MY CHARACTERIZATIONS ASWELL IT MEANS SO MUCH TO MMEEEE#NICE WORDS GIVE ME SO MMUCH POOWWEERRRRR RAAGHGHHH!!!thank you guys for being so niceys to me#ive also been thinkin abt writing Post Suckening fics. EXCITED FOR SEASON TWO. in the meantime what if theo had to put up w shenanigens#one shenanigen for example being emizel going feral and attacking a comrade.#then theo needs to stake him n pull him aside n set him straight or something. set him gay. whatever.#ive also had an idea in my head. BC GABRIEL IS TOTALLY INSIDE OF EMIZELS BRAIN NOW#could u imagine doing acid or shrooms w ur homies n then suddenly ur nemesis is showing up in ur fractal hallucinations#anyway i think thats all da ramble i got in me. thanku for enjoying my writing thank yooouuu
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one thing abt being disabled/chronically ill that some people donât get is that sometimes body maintenance that ensures you have the absolute minimum amount of function can also be something that takes away a lot of control and autonomy. you can argue till the cows come home that making those decisions to try and help yourself (or realistically to try to make sure things arenât worse than they already are) is something that exhibits control and autonomy and stuff, but they can be so limiting in practice because theyâre things that take up so much time but have to be done to do anything else
#i have to sleep a lot. iâm at the point where functioning requires 8 hours of sleep if not more#I should probably be getting 10+ but iâm a student and i work so 8 is the minimum. but then also getting ready for bed is a whole process s#the whole thing can take 10-12 hours depending how much im sleeping. just to make sure i can do anything#that is time in my day i cannot use for anything else. itâs not âoh but i can push through itâ because i canât without spending the next da#lightheaded and nauseous and vaguely dizzy and with such intense brain fog I canât think with my fatigue so bad i genuinely donât know how#get myself to work a lot of days. my abled peers donât have to deal with this at all. they have unlimited study time if they want to#and yeah it is a choice iâm making thatâs true i could just not do. except i would lose my job and fail out of college because i would not#be able to get to classes or do my homework or think. but being told âbut you are making choices about your lifeâ when i have lost so much#of what i used to be able to do because i am spiralling down and continuing to get worse is so.#literally last year i would wake up at 6:30 and then go to school till 3 and then go to my internship until 10 and get home at 11 and be in#bed anywhere from midnight to two in the morning and then wake up the next day and do it all again. i graduated with a 3.9 gpa and made it#into my top college while dealing with my cancer symptoms and then the two surgeries about it#but now i lose half my day to just making sure i can get out of bed. i canât go anywhere because my body is physically too exhausted#any extra time goes into doing homework or occasionally time to myself#not decimating my health by doing minimum body care responsibilities isnât freeing. occasionally i have a good day which is freeing but tha#usually goes into just. other things outside class or work or eating. I donât go do something for myself or go do something fun on good day#because I still canât. good days just mean i donât want to lie down on the pavement when iâm going somewhere#I just. I donât magically have control over my life because i try to get enough sleep. i lose half my day to doing that and ultimately itâs#just a bodily function that would have to happen anyway#this is a vent post im just having a really hard time right now because it feels like im in exponential decline. it was nowhere near this#bad last semester. my grades are tanking and i have no free time because anything outside of sleep is either work or school#vent tw#yall can rb this just ignore my tags completely#disability#chronically ill#i keep trying to explain to people how pots works because thatâs all logical but thereâs no way to explain what itâs doing to my body or ho#i feel all the time. the last time i felt this bad was when i had a bad flu or immediately after surgeries because i donât react well to#anesthesia and always come out of them feeling like shit. and now i just feel like this all the time and itâs only getting worse#I canât even stay up late anymore because my body feels like it isnât counting the sleep even if I get 8 hours#I can deal if I have a free day the day after but that just leaves Friday and Saturday nights and I usually still have to do homework
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shitpost dispatches from guanyin temple & the sangyao dungeons - [10/?]
with the important caveat that no, jgy was absolutely not attempting to kill or harm nhs prior to this moment, but I would bet cash money on him exacting some pretty bloody retribution upon his beloved a-sang if he'd survived the events of guanyin temple (and also I think he would win)
#mdzs#mdzs shitposting#sangyao#not my favourite flavour of sangyao tbh#i prefer to read/write them without the revenge vision quest hovering as the dramatic irony elephant in the room#compels me tho#just to ramble abt this a bit more in my own tags#huaisang's one advantage throughout his entire revenge quest is that jin guangyao does not suspect him of anything#i have many additional thoughts here about how jgy's fatal flaw wrt nhs is overlooking and underestimating his capacity#for presenting one face to the world while keeping his real thoughts and feelings and ambitions hidden away#(and where do you think he learned that from a-yao? i'm gonna go out on a limb and say 'not er-ge or da-ge')#whereas nhs's fatal flaw (and it is not something that I perceive as fatal within the text#so much as supposition wrt his mental state post-canon)#is his inability to commit himself to any work he's not personally invested in#this is endearing and cute and a little exasperating when he's at lan summer camp#but wrt jgy it prevents him from looking past *what* jgy has done to nmj and asking himself *why*#I do think it is inevitable he will ask that question in his future just as lxc was desperately asking it at the end of the confrontation#the tragedy here is that nhs orchestrated the death of the only person who could ever give him that answer#and now he will never know#jin guangyao#nie huaisang#he did crimes??? good for him đ#let him have birds!! đ#mdzs meta#in the tags anyway#moling queue
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um. uh. hi every body. something evil and malevolent happened in my brain this month.
this is. um. a Jet Set Radio/Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Death joke AU, spawned out of a in-joke that started in a pokepasta discord. my apologies to both the pokepasta and jsr fandoms
the entire basis is the idea that Corn in Future retconned og JSR Beat as leader/founder of the GGs (is beat being leader in the og even CANON?) so Corn and Beat are the Myras. no it's not a joke funny enough to justify how many hours i sunk into drawing these. no attempt was made to change the setting, assign most of the other cast, or otherwise make this au hold up to ANY amount of scrutiny. if i tried to make this actually work somehow then i'd REALLY end up too far gone. also i keep calling myrtle!beat "Meat".
MEANWHILE, IN A BETTER UNIVERSE:,
#jet set radio#pokepasta#creepypasta#jsr#explorers of death#pokemon#crossover#gore#body horror#blood#ask to tag#long post#jsr eod#also i said ''i didnt assign almost anyone else'' but thats not entirely true.#i did assign dj professor k as wigglytuff. but i decided i needed to draw a line in the sand somewhere#and drawing dj k as eod!wigglytuff is simply too much. some mental images really DONT need to be inflicted on others#i also thought about who would be grovyle and ended up leaning towards combo#i sort of think of him as having protagonist swag about him bc of chapter 2 in teh first game.#also i have a running joke w my sibling about combo being meta-aware bc of a jp-only line he has in future#where he tells roboy he wants to save.#i swear to god i had more reasoning than this but my mind is drawing a blank rn. sad#also i guess this would imply that cube and coin would be celebi and dusknoir but theyre not even in explorers of death so RIP#i did also briefly consider clutch as grovyle bc 1. stealing things lol and 2. joke about him being future-exclusive#and grovyle is FROM DA FUTURE... but frankly clutch does not feel like he could pull off being grovyle. in my opinion.#also i guess sitting here now i suppose it wouldnt even make sense in the context of the eod au cuz everyone but the main trio is og jsr#on that note. i had no idea what to do for gum's design so i chose the most awkward route possible i guess. im sorry gum.#in general gum kinda got the short end of the stick here due to being consistently the Second-in-Command meaning she's shadow#I'M SORRY WOMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#well at least she's better off than yoyo. me n my sibling just automatically were like ''he's bidoof'' ''yeah he's bidoof''#also like last note. but. the jet set radio fandom is SEVERELY lacking cliche edgy over the top evil creepypasta versions of the cast
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Are there any mlp characters you guys would like to see drawn? I wanna work on some more redesigns but Iâm stuck on who to do next
#thereâs a good handful on my da I know I havenât posted here either#and honestly they could all use an upgrade since itâs been 1-2 years already!#also I do not know how to turn anon asks back on from mobile so non anons only for now
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why does google drive even have a suggestion for this??
#doing some dai file stuff#this doc is 10 pages long and this is the FIRST thing that's even been underlined lmao????#personal#da#dai#so anyway im not planning my nightmare difficulty run by looking at strategy guides. im planning by looking at the game files#gonna actually make a bunch of armor and weapon sets for different areas which is something i NEVER do#i rarely change armor sets and only in the most recent run did i carry a staff for each element (because promoted enemies could get rough)#but iirc on nightmare difficulty enemies can have elemental immunities rather than just high resistances#so im just going through every immunity/resistance/vulnerability status effect in the game and seeing which creatures have it#then i can plan per faction and more broadly per area#it sucks that you cant change equipment during combat in dai. i didnt even know that until my last run because ive never had to#and to refer back to a post i made a few days/weeks/idk ago.....yes i AM planning to at least start the nightmare run solo#obv with the aim to do the whole thing solo but i wont be upset if i cant. gonna try tho#that's why im planning armor and weapons so much now. gonna plan what masterworks to use too#walking fortress and guard-on-hit/unbowed are gonna be the most useful imo#for playing as a mage that is. i do genuinely think mage is the best for dai solo because you get the most coverage#for like. elemental damage and applying quite a few effects and being able to spec offensive or defensive#oh and i'll probably carry round a bunch of respec amulets. i usually just play spirit/lightning but fire and ice will have their uses#knight-enchanter obviously. not even for the heal (although that's useful) but it's OBVIOUSLY the best for melee#idk. i feel like this last run gave me a lot more to think about in terms of strategy than ive ever had because of all the trials#so im a bit more confidant in actually planning for tough fights. still might just get instantly overwhelmed by damage and give up lmao
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Midnight Pals: Mothers day Meltdown
[mysterious circle of robed figures] JK Rowling: hello children Rowling: I was just thinking about how transs people should be eliminated from ssociety Jonathan Chait: whoa whoa whoa! joanne! Chait: you can't say it like THAT Chait: so uncouth Chait: you have to say it with your pinky finger extended
Elon Musk: si! issa no good! Musk: issa too mucha trans genocide Musk: you shoulda only post the right amount offa da trans geocide Musk: lookita me, i lika da trans genocide Musk: but i also like many other genocides Rowling: oh MY GOD Rowling: my empire is crumbling!
Chait: we're not saying you can't still be transphobic Chait: you just have to, you know, cool it a bit Chait: be genteel about it Jesse Singal: mommy mommy i have concerns mommy! Chait: see? just like that
Chait: maybe put a little disclaimer Chait: "this transphobia is for entertainment purposes only" Rowling: do you not know who I am?? I'm JK Rowling! Rowling: JK FUCKING ROWLING!!! Rowling: I MADE YOUR CHILDHOOD MAGICAL!
Rowling: no one tellss me to cool it! Rowling: i own the courtss! Chait: joanne Rowling: and another thing!!! Rowling: SSTOP CALLING ME JOANNE!
[midnight society] JK Rowling: hello children Barker: oh look who it is Barker: what are you doing here joanne? Barker: did your terfs tell you to cool it again? Rowling: Rowling: why doess everyone call me joanne
Rowling: i'm extremely mad about thiss transs football referee Barker: what? Rowling: this transs football referee Barker: Barker: what?
Rowling: there's a transs football referee and i'm really mad about it! Rowling: what, haven't you heard? Barker: joanne, why are you here Rowling: and another thing! Rowling: sstop calling me joanne!!
Rowling: people are alwayss all "joanne this" and joanne that! Rowling: wah wah wah joanne joanne joanne! Barker: do you not like your name Barker: you could change it Poe: clive Poe: just let her tire herself out Barker: no no I've got something here
Rowling: people are alwayss "oh wah wah wah joanne, how can you ssay that! your bookss are all about tolerance and love wah wah wah!" Rowling: bitch i think i know what my booksss are about! Rowling: i fuckin wrote them after all!
Rowling: blah blah blah ohh joanne Rowling: i hate when people call me joanne!! Rowling: they should fear to say my true name! Barker: oh damn look at that Barker: looks like we're having a good ol' fashioned mothers day meltdown Poe: clive don't encourage this
King: but joanne! how can you say that? King: after all the lessons of harry potter? King: you made our childhoods magical!
Rowling: people are all "blah blah blah joanne how can you like naziss now when you ssaid they were bad in harry potter" Rowling: first of all, harry potter iss fiction! Rowling: secondly, the death eaters are actually a ssinister coalition of evil transs, sspooniess, fat people, free masonss, and diane duane Rowling: always have been! Rowling: thiss iss NOT a retcon!
Rowling: that sshould be obviouss if you've read the book Rowling: UNLESSS Rowling: you're a fake potterhead, ssteve King: no of course not! i love harry potter
Rowling: DO YOU Rowling: perhaps then Rowling: you would be willing to take a blood oath to the dark lord Rowling: to belong to the dark lord body and ssoul Rowling: who is always correct King: i uh don't think i'm going to take that oath, sorry Rowling: UGH! Rowling: this is just like Radcliffe all over again!
#midnight pals#the midnight society#midnight society#clive barker#stephen king#edgar allan poe#jk rowling#jesse singal#elon musk#jonathan chait
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so, you wanted to start bookbinding?
so @princetofbone mentioned on my post for "factory settings" about wanting to know more about the binding style that i used for it. so i thought i might make a post about it.
i was as terrible as i always am for taking in progress shots, but i can link you to the resources i used in order to make my book. i would also like to point out that "factory settings" is my 120th bind, and i have been doing bookbinding as a hobby for just over 3 years now. unfortunately this means some of the methods that i used for that bind aren't particularly beginner friendly, just in terms of the tools and methods i have used, but i would love to point you in the right direction when it comes to resources. i dont say this to sound pretentious which i fear i might come across, just so that youre fully informed. getting into this hobby is fun and rewarding, but it can definitely be intimidating.
with that caveat, heres a list of links and resources that i have used for bookbinding in general, with additional links to methods i used specifically in regards to this bind.
ASH's how to make a book document. it gives you a great introduction into typesetting fics (where you format the text of fics to look like a traditionally published books) and then turning them into a case-bound book (the style i used for "factory settings"). it is comprehensive, and explains how to use microsoft word to do your bidding. it was invaluable to me when i was just starting out! currently i use affinity publisher to typeset/format my fics for printing, but i only bought and learned how to use that after i had been binding books for a year and a half. i made some beautiful typesets with word, and some of my close friends use it still and design stuff that i never would be able to in my wildest dreams (basically anything by @no-name-publishing)
DAS Bookbinding's Square Back Bradel Binding. a great style to do your first bind in! this method requires, when making the case, to attach the cover board and the spine board to a connecting piece of paper, which makes it so much easier to match the size of the case to the size of the text block (your printed out and sewn fic). using this method is what allowed me to get much more accurately fitting cases, and made me much more confident with the construction of the books i was making. a well-made book is something that is so wonderful to hold in your hands!
DAS Bookbinding's Rounded and Backed Cased Book. This is the specific method that i used to create my bind for "factory settings"! even before i could back my books, i found that watching DAS's videos in particular helped me see how books were traditionally made, and i was able to see different tips and tricks about how to make nicer books.
Book Edge Trimming Without... i trim the edges of my text block using my finishing press and a chisel i have sharpened using a whetstone and leather strop with buffing compound on it. i follow the method for trimming shown in this video!
Made Endpapers. i follow this method for my endpapers, as i used handmade lokta endpapers, and they can be quite thin, but they look beautiful! i used "tipped on" endpapers (where you have your endpaper and then put a thin strip of glue on the edge and attach it to your text block) i used for a very long time before this, but these feel like they are much more stable, as they are sewn with your text block.
Edge Sprinkling. this is the method that i used for decorating the edges of my text block. but the principle is basically clamping your text block tight and then sprinkling the edges. i do not believe you need to trim the edges in order to do sprinkles on the edges, and that's what makes it accessible! i personally just use really cheap acrylic paint that i water down and then flick it onto the edges with my thumb and a paint brush.
Double-Core Endbands. i sew my own endbands, which i followed this tutorial for. that being said, it's kind of confusing, and this video is a bit easier to follow, but it is a slightly different type of endband.
Case decoration. i used my silhouette cameo 4 to cut out my design for "factory settings" in htv (heat transfer vinyl). i also used my cameo 4 to cut out the oval of marbled paper on the front, as i honestly didn't want to try my hand at cutting an oval lol. i also glued some 300 gsm card with an oval cut out of the centre of it onto the cover before covering it with bookcloth, to get a kind of recess on the cover. i then glued the oval of marbled paper onto the top of the recessed area once it was covered with bookcloth, so that it was protected. the images i used were sourced from a mix of rawpixel, canva and pixabay. a more accessible way to get into cover decoration is by painting on a design for your cover as described in @a-gay-old-time's tutorial just here. or even doing paper labels, which look classy imo.
physical materials. sourcing these will depend on your country. i am located in australia, and have compiled a list with some other aussie bookbinders of places to buy from. here is a great post describing beginning materials for getting started binding.
@renegadepublishing. this tumblr is great! its what got me started bookbinding, and being in the discord has been inspiring, motivating, and honestly just one of the best online experiences i have ever had. it is full of resources, and most people in there are amateur bookbinders, with a couple of professionals thrown in. the discord is 18+, and anyone can join!
i'm sorry this post got so long, but i hope that this has a lot of information for you if you would like to get started bookbinding. its one of the best hobbies ive ever had, and i genuinely believe i will have it for the rest of my life.
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â đđđđđđđ, đđđđđđđ đ«
max verstappen x singer!fem reader // smau
‷ summary: when max verstappen starts commenting on the posts of the beloved singer y/n l/n, fans are confused and less than enthusiastic at the new friendship. what they could never expect is just how long they've been 'friends'...
based on this request <3
ââââââ àŒ»â©âââŸââșâ§àŒș ââââââ
liked by sabrinacarpenter, maxverstappen1, and 46,908 others
tagged sabrinacarpenter
ynusername my new album is now officially out on all platforms! thank you so so much for all of the love and support, and special thanks to sab for her feature on the song <33 love u bb girl đ«Šđ«Š now that the album's out, tour next!!! see you all soon!
23,560 comments
user1 THE ALBUM OUT. THIS IS NOT A DRILL PEOPLE THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
user2 i cannot be normal about this i fear
user3 ik her back hurts from CARRYING the music industry on her back đ©
user4 hey so WHO TF IS SO AMERICAN ABOUT?? A LOVE SONG
user5 y/n writing a love song in god's year of 2024... wow
user6 y/n in the top 10 charts, fork found in kitchen
user7 sabrina and y/n are never beating the gf allegations
ynusername damn right we're not đ
user7 HOLY SHIR HOKY SHIT HOKST SHUT
user8 y/n's in love and it's not with me, hanging myself as we speak
user9 the comment is gonna get reported but so real op
ïżŒuser8 can't a woman hang herself in peace đŁ
user10 album's such a banger i had this shit bumpin at my grandmas funeral đđŒ rest in piece nancy đïžđȘđ»
user11 OH MY GOD???
user12 rest in piece nancy you would've loved make you mine đ
ynusername oh my god please tell me your joking
user10 sorry queen the grind never stops
ynusername NO SHOT
maxverstappen1 great album! đđŒ
user13 why does he text like my father đ§đ»ââïž
user14 brother eughh
user15 what da hell is a polar bear doin in arlington texas
ynusername thank you max!!!
user16 y/n l/n to redbull in 2025
user17 hellurrrrr who is this man in ur likes y/n
user18 f1 driver!!
user17 Y/N NO ATHELETES PLEAEJEWK đ«”
user18 tour content soon??? i'm sat
ââââââ àŒ»â©âââŸââșâ§àŒș ââââââ
user19 bro looks like he snuck onto earth, get his ass outta here
user20 grammy-award winner, vogue cover model, new york university graduate and Some Fucking Guy
user21 not y'all coming to her defense like the mighty morphin power rangers đđ he's literally a world class athete and she writes pop music
user20 17.172.224.47
user21 IS THAT MY IP ADDRESS??
user20 melinda charleton
user22 IS THAT HIS MOTHER'S NAME!!?1?1!
user20 you want me to do you too???
user22 no we good đ
user23 ruth bader ginsberg did not die for this
user24 now wtf does this have to do with babe ruth đ€š
user25 WHOOOOO đ§
user24 ... that wasn't right was it
user26 now let's be fr he does NAWT have a chance
user27 have u seen the marble-carved ïżŒ goddesses these men pull, i fear he does đ
user28 please no i feel ill
user29 TWO???? OH HELL NAW
user30 two might be pushing it, only one was confirmed
user31 jesus christ
user32 first taylor, now this
user33 yall, all he commented was great album đđ yall are LEAPING to conclusions
user34 what can i say it's an art
user35 i do not see đïžđđïž
user36 no like đđ im in your walls
user37 haha max verstappen!! right!!! (theres a sniper at ur location)
user38 omg ur so right đ€© it is about him (i have a bomb strapped to my chest)
user39 i dont mean to sound stupid, idk who that man is, if i saw him on the streets i wouldnt know a thing đ„±
user40 this is so random too like what đ
user41 the power of kindness won't work here, i have to throw him off a building
user42 i used to be a max verslsjjwwo lover đ€© now im just a max verslsjjwwo hater đ
user43 NURSE đ«” SHE'S OUT AGAIN
user44 why would u put that into the universe đ§
user45 alright, lets get you to bed grandma
user46 mari stop being delusion and go touch grass đ§đ»ââïž
user47 ENOUGHHHH
user48 ain't no way in hell đ
user49 ik ur feet hurt from all this jumping to conclusions babe
user50 lets leave the parkour to the athletes đ
ââââââ àŒ»â©âââŸââșâ§àŒș ââââââ
liked by maxverstappen1, landonorris, and 54,789 others
ynusername italy thanks for letting me be inside you (; it was such a lovely show, expect me back asap!!!!
15,267 comments
user51 IT WAS SO GOOD I THNK I BLACKED OUT THE WHOLE TIME THO
user52 oh!
user51 oh so now this isn't a safe space
user53 LANDO AND MAX IN TGE LIKES??? NO NO NO NO
user54 ABORT ABORT ABORT
user55 y'all are doing too much đ she's one of the top artists in the world, i think it's safe to say they might like her music
user56 the second picture đ§đ»ââïždo you need a stool cause i can kneel and be really quiet
user57 y/n fans be normal challenge (impossible!!!) (never done before)
user56 WOMP WOMP
maxverstappen1 wonderful show! đđŒ you are so talented
ynusername ty max (: im glad you could come see me
user57 ain't NO WAYYYYYY
user59 THIS IS SIXKENJNG IM GONNA PUKE
sabrinacarpenter my gf looking sexy đ«Šđ«Šđ«Š
ynusername only for u bbg đ§đ»ââïžđ§đ»ââïžđ§đ»ââïž
user60 BOOOO đŁïž GET A ROOM
user61 do y'all need a third!!!!
user62 mamma mia pizza pasta mozzerella moment
user63 i just put u on a watchlist
user62 đ§đ»ââïž
landonorris RAHHHHHH đŠ
đ«”đŁïžâŒïž
ynusername RAHHH RAHHH RAHHH RISE POWER POWER đȘđ»âŒïž
user63 what the fuck
user64 OH GOD WHAT IF SHES DATING HIM????
ynusername brother eughhhh
landonorris WHAT THE FUCK????
user65 SINCE WHEN IS SHE FRIENDS WITH F1 DRIVERS HOW MANY CHAPTWRS DID I MISS
user66 apparently we all went into a universal coma while she was out galavanting cause idk how else this could've happened
ââââââ àŒ»â©âââŸââșâ§àŒș ââââââ
maxverstappen1 posted to his story!
(caption: beautiful show)
22,456 replies
ââââââ àŒ»â©âââŸââșâ§àŒș ââââââ
user67 someone save my girl bro, she don't know any better đ
user68 it's like a little kid trying to touch the hot stove, LIKE STOP THAT!! DON'T DO THAT
user69 am i the only one who thinks they'd be cute together....
user70 YES!?!?
user71 there is literally no fucking way he bagged her
user72 losing y/n to european f1 driver would be the biggest american tragedy since 2001
user73 i had to read this shit twice, op what r u waffling abt đ«”đ§
user74 can't even be nonchalant about this one bro, i'm chalanting hard asf
user75 we do not care
ââââââ àŒ»â©âââŸââșâ§àŒș ââââââ
liked by redbullracing, f1, and 78,567 others
tagged maxverstappen1
ynusername first time in monaco, safe to say i enjoyed myself! so happy to see you shine this time my love<3
25,788 comments
user76 oh. my. fucking. god
user77 THEYRE FUCKING DATING OH MYFODNSJ
user78 THAT SHOULD BE MEEEE HOLDING YOUR HAND THAT SHOULD BE MEEE MAKING YOU LAUGHHH đ€
user79 i'm in mourning
sabrinacarpenter CHEATER đ«”
ynusername BABY IT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE, IT WAS JUST ONE TIME đŁđŁđŁ IT WAS A MISTAKE
maxverstappen1 we've been dating for 2 years??
sabrinacarpenter SHUT UP FAST & FURIOUS NO ONE ASKED YOU
user80 i'm sorry đ two Y EARS
user81 i feel like i just got dumped. y/n don't do this, the kids need you đ
maxverstappen1 i got p1 for you, i love you đ«¶đŒ
ââââââ àŒ»â©âââŸââșâ§àŒș ââââââ
hope you all enjoyed! please let me know your thoughts and feel free to leave a request for me to write something for your fav <3
#f1 x female reader#f1 x reader#f1 x y/n#formula 1#f1#f1 smut#f1 x you#formula one#f1 imagine#f1 smau#max verstappen smau#max verstappen x reader#max verstappen#max verstappen x you#max verstappen x y/n
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i used to look at and want a tumblr so bad when i was a kid and then i realized years later the reason i never was active once i made one was because this site is for people who have someone to be and i dont know who i am
#like you have people who do things and ur like#yeah thats that one. that does the thing#but i dont do things#and i realized putting me in a room and go âand do stuff in there!â is like a death sentence#i miss the community in deviantart and the togetherness of a bunch of people#like yeah deviantart was shit dont get me wrong i may get sexy women following me but its nowhere near the level of guy asking me at 14 if#i knew what a cuck was and then proceeding to get me to draw pregnancy furry kink art#idk u couldve posted anything on da and get people being interested (even if not super invested deep) and you go :3#but now its just. algorithim this and tags that and you HAVE to curate and you HAVE to avoid these 10 buzzwords or you get put into#the dubious shadowrealm#idk i jsut. didnt have to try and be someone i could just exist and that would be enough#like i have been on da since 2013 and seeing it go so far down to the point its unusable ?? is still painful for me#i miss jsut. talkign to people because they gave me a llama and we exchange niceties and then my week is brighter#like there was a FLOW on deviantart. now its just post. wait an hour. theres its peak. its gone now#maybe it was also how fast my side of deviantart crashed- i went from almost 8k (only abt 1k of them being active) followers#steady commissions. to being scared and tossed onto twitter where you cant even SAY THE WORD COMMISSION.#maybe im just a sad inactive jaded adult now trying to live.#instead of being a happy chronically online kid who could draw emo dogs all day and socialize and have friends#i left 2 posts up on deviantart#like .. my bases. because i want to revive them at some point elsewhere#and they STILL get attention despite me not being active#having only two posts up#and said posts are 5 years old. i dont get tweets i posted a WEEK ago getting anything#i wasnt even an iconic base maker. that was the first one. and that was well after deviantarts base/adoptable peak.#m0thrambles#idk i think im just. being babyrage over it but its so hard not to be#so many young artists jobs and livelihoods were taken away and there is no alternative to deviantart.#there is no non-live feed based places that dont support ai (or like children)#there is no fun things like llamas.#now being relatable and âwith the userbaseâ is just capitalism.
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PAC: ⥠Channelled Love Songs from your Current/Future Romantic Partner âĄ
(Please Read My Pinned post *IMPORTANT NOTE* before selecting a Pile)
Pick an Image by meditating and selecting the image you feel called to. You can be attracted towards more than 1 image. If you are not able to select maybe this reading isn't for you.
(You can find all the songs mentioned in the Piles on SPOTIFY. Unfortunately Tumblr only allows 10 audio links per postđ„Č)
Pile 1
Songs - Aaya Jado Da by Asees Kaur
Screen Time by Epik High ft. Hoshi
Don't Forget To Breathe by Aaryan Shah
Welcome to your reading, Pile 1. First of all, lot of green ink occured in your pile. Your partner seems very caring, nurturing and protective of you. They might be a very caring and loving person themselves, very protective of their belongings and loved ones. They like to have a quick check on you(like not in a toxic or negative way). They want to know you better and your little quirks. They genuinely care about your well being. They might be very cautious, structured, organised individual, a fitness freak as well. They seem kind of very picky, they don't open up to just anybody, they might have very few close friends. They're mostly not interested in flings and one-night stands. They take relationships seriously so they'll only jump into it when they see some real value in it. This person is like a 'husband/wife material' person or atleast a long term partner. This also seems like a long distance relationship to me or getting into a relationship after a series of personal hardships when you've become very mature either age-wise or experience-wise.
So, that's all I got for you, my dear Pile 1.
Hope you're with this person or find this person soon đ
Hope, light, love and peace to you..đžđŒđ»
Pile 2
Songs - Talk About Love by Callum Beattie
Seven- Clean Version by Jungkook
Tenu Khabar Nahi by Arijit Singh
Welcome to your reading, Pile 2. Have you guys currently been in separation or broken up with your partner? This could be a recent past energy as well. See, now this also looks like an ex's energy(I don't like to go into this topic because it creates unnecessary confusion but it appeared in the reading so I had to) and whether ex or not, if you strictly don't want this person back into your life, you must then very well know that you've ended up for good and you don't need to allow this person back or this pile totally isn't for you, you should select another pile. One thing is prominent though, one of you has done something bad to the another person..and that was the main reason for your guys' separation. I'm nobody to judge you guys, you know yourselves better. Well, whoever this person is, they want to reconcile with you or you're currently reconciling already. It could be a different case for everyone choosing this pile. It could be so that this person or both of you might still have feelings for each other. This person wants to make things better or do things right. There is a promise of not making the same mistakes again. This person is asking for another chance. Now, you need to decide for yourselves, what's good for you and what's not. It's totally up to you.
That's all I see in the cards for you, my dear Pile 2.
Hope, light, love and peace to you..đžđŒđ»
Pile 3
Songs - Tera Mera Hai Pyar Amar by Ahmed Jahanzeb
I'm Gonna Love You by D.O. ft. Wonstein
Can't Help Falling In Love by Elvis Presley
Welcome to your reading, Pile 3. This person looks so in love. But more so, this person is very sure of you, there feelings are very intense, too. As they are saying, that it's so easy to fall in love with you, either it's a love at first sight situation or there is a certain clarity about choosing you/about wanting to continue further with you. Nothing can change their mind about you. They are giving me strong future spouse energy because they just want to take you away as soon as possible. So, they'll be very assertive in their approach towards you in the courtship period itself. I also think that they'll be the first one to approach you if you've not met this person already. They'll make sure that you know they are not just fooling around, that you're in for a very long ride. They'll also want to make sure that you too, feel the same way for them before going very far because they want it all or nothing. They'll definitely try to win your heart over, Pile 3.
That's all I got for you, dear Pile 3.
Hope, light, love and peace to you..đŒđžđ»
Pile 4
Songs - Young And Beautiful by Lana Del Rey
Every Second by Baekhyun from EXO (Record of
Youth OST- 3)
Aadat Se Majboor by Benny Dayal
Welcome to your reading, Pile 4. This person might be a heart-throb. Popular person energy(for their work or looks). Everybody swoons over them. Their energy is quite charming and charismatic. They are bold, fun loving and outgoing, life of the party kind of person. You both might be quite the opposite of each other. They will be very confident in their approach. They might just be nervous about how to woo you because you are different from others and they don't want to make any mistake. They don't want to look like a creep. If you've already met this person or in a relationship, you know. They are someone who'll totally make a fool out of themselves to make you laugh. They love to see you smile and laugh but also, you don't laugh a lot, it seems. There seems to be a lot of people who are sexually attracted to them, but they choose you because you are special to them, you're not like the others according to them. They might've got their heart broken a couple times earlier due to which they're afraid of losing you but that's not going to be the case because they're sure of one thing that you're very firm in your decisions, rock solid and you won't run away when life gets bad. You guys are going to be like a power couple, each helping the other person where they are lacking, each completing the other.
So, that's all I got for you, my dear Pile 4.
Hope, light, love and peace to you..đ»đŒđž
Pile 5
Pile 5
Songs - Lover by Taylor Swift
Spider By Hoshi
Tere Mast Mast Do Nain by Rahat Fateh Ali Khan
Welcome to your reading, Pile 5. Your person seems very Venusian(very lovey-dovey, full of charm, likes fine art) and Neptunian(very dreamy) to me, a hopeless romantic even. Some of you might also be attracted to Pile 4, because this pile has got some similar vibes. They are magnetic, could also be popular for something that they do, something that only they create. They have a good taste in music as well, could be a musician or they like to play musical instruments. Dancing and singing could be their hobby or talent. They are also someone who knows flirting like the back of their hand. It comes naturally to them, sometimes they don't even know that they're flirting. They might also like good food and fine-dining, might also love to cook. You might not like this person in the beginning because you think they're a flirt and they don't look serious, but you'll eventually start liking them because they're not what they seem from the outside. It is giving me the vibes of 'One fell in love first, but the other one fell harder.' Their heart is so pure and innocent. They'll woo you with their heart, Pile 5. You seem like a tough nut to crack to them, someone who's hard to get. I also think you've got pretty eyes and a resting b**** face. They love it. There's going to be a playful banter between you guys. Everything will be worth it in the end.
So, that's all I've got for you, my dear Pile 5.
Hope, light, love and peace to you..đ»đŒđž
Thank you so much for being here. I post PAC readings every Tuesday and Friday. Do love and support by reblogging, liking or following.
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#astrology#divination#spiritualgrowth#tarot pick a card#pick a card#tarot pac#pick a pile#daily tarot#Spotify
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Omg love your elijah stuff it's the best out there! Could you write a fluffy smut where the reader and elijah get married and she's still human and they plan for her to turn on their wedding night. But since she's about to become a vampire and knows elijah loves the taste of her the blood she has him drink from her during sex one last time and she drinks from him so after sex and aftercare his blood is in her system and he turns her then:)
Something Sweet
18+ ---- {Masterlist} {Tag-List}
It's the day of your wedding, a day you've dreamed about since you were young. Everything is exactly as you imagined it would be, except one thing. Today is not only the day of your wedding, today is also the day you die... And you never wanted anything so badly.
âĄâĄThanks for the request lovely @sarah-bear706318! I made this one super fluffyâĄâĄ
5.5k words - Warnings: smut, oral sex, so much flufffff, blood drinking, sappy Elijah, something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue...
âĄâĄ Tag-List âĄâĄ
Trying to fix my tags! I re-added all of you, and now you will be posted at the top! If you no longer wished to be tagged just shoot me a DM {I won't be offended} xoxo~
@gorgeouslydangerous @starkleila @lydia1369sworld @notleylaaa @vampiresluv @myanmy @xflowerbombxo @maryvibess @always-and-forever-daydreaming @criminallminds @rosemarypotion @spnaquakindgdom @amournoir @meeom @damienmorton @wickedmuse @sunkissedebony97 @idk00sblog @savannaounana @cs-please @complicatedandconfusing-25 @youcanhavemybuckanyday @akala6670229 @yeaiamme2 @itsjulzandmydiamonds @spideysbabe @witch-of-letters @elijahstwink @rosecentury @sekaishell @ziayamikaelson @amanda08319 @starshipcookie @li-da-savage @veggie-eggrolls @spideybv28 @loving-and-dreaming @fancycassie-stayfancy @hcqwxrtss123 @iamawkwardandshy
It was the day of your wedding and you were awoken by the birds chirping outside of your bedroom window. You rolled over to find your side of the bed empty and cold, a note from Elijah in his elegant handwriting.
My love,
I thought it best if I did not see you until the ceremony, as that is a tradition.
I have not been able to sleep. I am both excited and nervous for today, my beautiful wife. I will spend every waking moment cherishing you.
Elijah
You smiled to yourself as you read his words, imagining him pacing the floor as he wrote this, probably in the study or the library.
You pressed the note to your chest, you could hardly believe that you were getting married today. It was a day you had dreamed about since you were young. You had imagined what your wedding dress would look like, the flowers you would pick for the arrangement, how you would wear your hair. But now, none of that seemed important, the only thing on your mind was what came after the wedding.
Elijah would make you a vampire tonight, and then you would have eternity together.
He was still hesitant, even though you had insisted this was what you wanted. He worried that one day you would regret it, that you would hate him for it, that it would break the connection between the two of you.
But he was wrong, you knew it would only strengthen your bond. You loved him so much that it was impossible to put it into words. You would do anything for him, give him anything, including your life.
After a few moments of lying in bed and thinking of your handsome husband to be, you heard the sound of your bedroom door opening. In walked your three bridesmaids and your maid of honor, carrying a tray of delicious breakfast foods.
"Good morning, sleeping beauty!" Rebekah said, walking around the bed and placing the tray on the mattress in front of you.
"What are you still doing in bed?" Freya asked.
"Yeah, it's your wedding day! We have a lot to do!" Camille exclaimed.
You chuckled and sat up in bed, tucking the duvet over your legs. Hayley laid on the bed next to you, popping a bottle of champagne open and pouring four glasses.
"Everybody relax, we have lots of time," she said, handing you a glass. "Don't stress her out,"
Rebekah rolled her eyes and picked up a bag from the floor.
"We have some gifts for you, Mrs. Mikaelson," she teased.
"I'm not Mrs. Mikaelson, yet," you pointed out, taking a sip of the champagne.
"Oh please, the two of you act married already, he is the most whipped man I have ever seen," Rebekah said, sitting on the other side of the bed and passing a wrapped present to you.
You giggled at her comment, knowing it was true. You were a little surprised by how much he was willing to bend to your will. He was a stubborn man, but with you, he was a complete pushover. He told you once that he found it impossible to deny you anything, and that's how he knew you were the one.
You carefully unwrapped the gift and found a beautiful necklace, with a sapphire pendant, you held it up to the light, the rays bouncing off the gem and painting the walls of your room in blue light.
"It's beautiful," you said, smiling at the girls.
"It's something blue, from Freya," Rebekah explained, as Freya fastened it around your neck.
"I spelled it so you can always find each other, no matter where you are. So when you are away, you can always feel him close to you," she explained.
You were touched by her thoughtfulness, touching the stone as it rested against your chest. You couldn't explain it, but it did feel like him, like he was right beside you.
"Thank you, Freya," you said, squeezing her hand.
"Okay now mine!" Rebekah interrupted, holding her present out to you. "Something old,"
You grinned and took the large box from her, opening it to find a beautiful vintage corset, along with a matching set of lace underwear and stockings.
"Rebekah, these are gorgeous!" You said, running your fingers over the intricate designs.
"They're vintage, of course," she said, proudly. "Elijah is rather fond of that time period, I thought they might... inspire him," she added, winking.
You blushed, he didn't need any encouragement in the bedroom, you were certain of that.
"My gift is next," Hayley said, holding out her gift to you. "Something new, and I'm really sorry, but they aren't quite as classy as the last two," she said, nervously.
You took the bag and opened it, it was full of luxury naughty nightwear, baby dolls, bras, panties, a silk robe, all in different colors and fabrics. Along with a few sex toys and a pair of handcuffs.
"I had to get you something practical," she said, with a smirk.
"I love it, thank you," you said, giggling. "I will certainly put them to good use,"
"Okay now mine, it's something borrowed," Camille said, handing you a small box.
You opened the velvet box and found a gorgeous pair of diamond earrings, with a matching bracelet.
"Camille, these are beautiful," you breathed, examining the sparkling jewels.
"They've been in my family for a long time, they belonged to my grandmother," she explained, clasping the bracelet around your wrist.
You looked at your wrist and smiled, your friends were the most wonderful women you had ever met, they had been so welcoming and so supportive, and now here they were, giving you the best gifts ever.
"Thank you, all of you, so much. This has been the best morning," you said, pulling them all in for a group hug.
"More champagne!" Rebekah exclaimed, grabbing the bottle and topping up everyone's glass.
"We still have the day to go, I'm going to have a terrible hangover at my own wedding," you pointed out, taking a large sip anyway.
"Not for long," Rebekah said, a mischievous smile on her face.
The wedding party went quiet, everyone knew exactly what she was talking about, that Elijah was planning to turn you after the reception.
"It's really happening then, tonight?" Hayley asked, looking at you.
You nodded.
"How are you feeling about it?" She asked.
"A little nervous, I guess," you admitted. "But excited,"
"It's a big decision, are you sure you are ready for it?" Freya asked, putting her arm around you.
"Absolutely. I've never been more sure of anything," you said, without hesitation.
"You'll make a lovely one," Rebekah added, pulling you out of bed and to your feet.
"Come on, we have a lot to do, the hair and makeup people will be here in an hour, and I need to make sure you eat something first," she said, ushering you towards the bathroom.
"And then we can finally see this dress!" Hayley added, excitedly.
The five of you spent the rest of the morning in a flurry of activity, the girls made sure you ate and drank water, despite how much champagne was flowing. The hairdresser and makeup artist did wonders, and then finally, it was time for the dress.
You had put on the vintage corset and underwear, rolling up the stocking and clipping them in place. The girls helped you step into the gown, fastening the buttons up the back, before you stood in front of the mirror.
Rebekah started to cry and Freya and Camille put their arms around her, all of them staring at you.
"Are you okay, Bekah?" You asked, looking at her reflection.
She wiped her tears and sniffed. "He's going to faint when he sees you,"
The four of them laughed and you turned around, holding out your hands.
"Well, let's go get married,"
The music started as you entered the garden, and everyone stood, turning to look at you.
It was like a fairytale.
Your eyes were on Elijah the entire time, his eyes were a bit glassy and he was nervously playing with his hands. Klaus handed him a tissue, patting his shoulder and Rebekah hooked her arm in yours , guiding you down the aisle.
"No fainting yet," you whispered to Rebekah, making her giggle.
"I promise I will catch him if he does," she whispered back.
He held out his hand to you when you finally reached him and you took it, Rebekah handing your bouquet to Hayley.
"Hello," you whispered, looking up at him.
"Hi," he replied, smiling down at you, his brown eyes warm and loving.
"You look perfect," he said, softly.
"So do you," you said, grinning at him.
Klaus cleared his throat and began to speak.
"We are gathered here today, to join Elijah and Y/n in matrimony. They have both written their own vows, so Elijah, you may start,"
Elijah squeezed your hands and smiled at you, his eyes soft and full of love.
"My love, you are the one that I have waited centuries for. The one who brings light into my life. I love you so much, I will be forever grateful that I found you. I promise to spend every day of eternity showing you how much I love and cherish you. Thank you for agreeing to marry me, thank you for loving me," he said, his voice thick with emotion.
You felt tears in your eyes as he finished speaking, reaching up and brushing a tear away with his thumb. The crowd aww'd at his words, and the entire wedding party dabbed at their eyes with tissues.
"I'm afraid my vows are going to sound a little lame after that," you teased, making Elijah chuckle.
"Elijah," you began. "I have loved you from the moment I saw you. You have always been there for me, through good and bad, you have taken care of me, supported me, loved me. I know my heart is safe with you. You have always said you would give me the world, and I know you will, and I want to give you mine, for as long as I live,"
Elijah's eyes became glassy again and he took a deep breath, fighting back his tears.
"Do we have the rings?" Klaus asked.
You glanced down the aisle to see Hope toddling towards you, with a pillow in her hands. Everyone watched her and she reached you, proudly handing the rings to her uncle.
"Thank you, darling," Elijah said, ruffling her hair.
"You may exchange the rings," Klaus said, Hope was now clinging to his leg, watching the ceremony with fascination.
Elijah slipped the ring on your finger, and you did the same, looking down at the two silver bands. You realized that your ring had a lapis lazuli stone embedded in the metal, the one that would allow you to walk in the sunlight when you were a vampire.
"Elijah, do you take Y/n as your lawfully wedded wife, to love and cherish, until death do you part?"
"I do," he replied, staring deep into your eyes.
"Y/n, do you take Elijah as your lawfully wedded husband, to love and cherish, until death do you part?"
"I do," you said, unable to stop yourself from smiling.
"Well then, by the power invested in me by a monk in the 12th century, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride,"
Elijah cupped your cheek in his hand, brushing his thumb over your cheekbone, before leaning down and pressing his lips to yours. His hands moved down your back, tilting you backwards, dipping you. The guests cheered and applauded, and the photographer snapped pictures.
"I love you," he said, whispering the words into your mouth.
"I love you, Mr. Mikaelson," you said, grinning.
He pulled you up, his eyes were bright, and his cheeks were flushed, his happiness radiating off him.
"Mrs. Mikaelson," he said, softly.
You kissed him again, the two of you wrapped in each other's embrace, his arms holding you tight against him.
"Let's get this party started!" Marcel yelled, causing a cheer from the crowd.
The two of you made your way back down the aisle, and back into the house. As soon as you were inside, you pulled Elijah in for a passionate kiss, wrapping your arms around his neck.
"We are married," you said, giggling.
"Indeed we are," he replied, smiling.
"Can't we skip the party, and just go upstairs now?" You asked, kissing him again.
"My greedy little wife," he teased. "Don't worry, tonight will be worth the wait,"
The compound was elaborately decorated, with lights and flowers hanging everywhere, and the guests were laughing and dancing, having a great time.
You sat at a table near the dance floor with your new husband, watching everyone. His hand was resting on your thigh, squeezing it gently every so often.
It was getting late, the sun had set and the guests were getting more and more drunk. The music slowed and the couples swayed together, some kissing and holding each other tight.
"So," Elijah whispered in your ear. "How are you feeling about tonight?"
"I can't wait," you said, turning to look at him. "I just can't wait for us to start our lives together,"
"Me either, sweetheart," he said, brushing his lips against your temple. "Are you sure this is what you want?"
"I want this." You placed a hand on his cheek. "More than anything."
He let out a long sigh, his hand squeezing your thigh tighter. But he didn't say anything else.
After a moment, he stood up and held out his hand.
"Dance with me?"
You took his hand and he led you out to the dance floor. You wrapped your arms around his neck and his hands rested on your hips.
The two of you danced slowly to the music, lost in each other's eyes.
"What are you thinking about?" You asked him, breaking the silence.
"Nothing." He replied, smiling softly, looking away.
You narrowed your eyes. "Don't lie to me, Mr. Mikaelson."
He chuckled. "Fine. I'm thinking about how beautiful you are, and how lucky I am."
"I'm the lucky one," you whispered, leaning in and kissing him softly.
The two of you continued slow dancing and you rested your head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat.
"I'm nervous," He admitted, softly his hands running up and down your back.
You lifted your head and looked up at him. "Why?"
"I don't want to see you die," He looked into your eyes, and you could see the pain behind them. "I don't want to watch the light leave your eyes, and not be able to do anything about it."
You cupped his cheek and stroked it. "I'll come right back, Elijah. You have nothing to worry about."
He nodded, then leaned in and kissed you, soft and slow. His hands on your hips, slowly guiding you, the two of you still moving to the music.
After a few minutes, he broke the kiss, pressing his forehead against yours.
"I don't think I'm capable of not worrying about you." He said, a soft chuckle escaping his lips.
"Well," You whispered, smiling up at him. "That's something we have in common, then."
His hands were on your lower back, his fingertips tracing patterns on the soft fabric.
"Do you remember when we met?" He asked, looking down at you.
"I do." You said, giggling. "It was the most cliché thing ever, but I remember it like it was yesterday."
"You were wearing a green dress." He recalled. "You were trying to get a book from the top shelf at this little bookstore. You had climbed onto a chair and were stretching your arm as far as you could, but you just couldn't reach it. And I thought, 'that's the most adorable thing I've ever seen'."
You laughed, remembering how flustered you'd been. "And then, I dismissed your attempt to help me as being creepy,"
"Until you tripped over your own feet and fell into my arms." He reminded you, a smirk on his face.
"You caught me, though." You whispered.
"That I did," he murmured. "And I will always catch you."
You stood on your tiptoes, kissing him softly. "I'm glad," you said.
His hands moved lower, grabbing your ass, and pulling you closer. You blushed and looked around quickly, but nobody seemed to be paying any attention to you.
"I remember something else about the day we met," he whispered in your ear.
You looked up at him and smiled. "What?"
"How you looked in my bed that night, the soft little moans you made," he teased.
You bit your lip, a wave of arousal washing over you. The memory still fresh in your mind.
"You have a way of making me lose all sense," you said, breathlessly.
"I know," he smirked, his eyes sparkling, "I've got you right where I want you."
You giggled, burying your face in his chest, breathing in his scent.
"You are so bad," you whispered.
He hummed in agreement, squeezing your ass once more, causing you to let out a little squeak.
"We should say goodbye to our guests," he murmured. "There is a car waiting,"
You nodded and let him guide you around, saying goodbye to all the guests. They followed the two of you out to the courtyard, and then they began throwing rice and rose petals, while the two of you got into the waiting car.
As the car drove away, the guests cheered and you couldnât help the huge grin on your face, waving at them until they were out of sight.
Elijah's hand rested on your thigh, rubbing circles with his thumb. You rested your head on his shoulder, watching the city go by.
"So, are you going to tell me where we are going?" You asked, glancing at him.
"There's this lakehouse, about an hour from here. It's a quiet, private place, not even my siblings know about it." He said, pulling your hand into his lap.
"You didn't tell anyone about it?" You asked, a little shocked.
"Not a soul," he said, smiling. "I've had a few secret hideaways over the years, but this one is special."
"Why is that?" You asked.
"It's where I go to get away from everything, to clear my head and recharge," he explained. "And now, it's going to be our special place,"
"That's sweet," you said, kissing his cheek.
The drive seemed to take forever, but finally the car turned onto a long driveway. Elijah helped you out of the car, and then he scooped you into his arms.
"You are such a romantic," you said, giggling.
"I try," he teased, carrying you inside.
He set you down in the entryway, and then took your hand, leading you around. It was a gorgeous home, and it was obvious that Elijah had put a lot of work into it.
But he didn't give you much time to admire it, before he was on you, quickly dragging you to the bedroom.
His hands roaming your body, his mouth crashing onto yours, your arms wrapping around his neck, pulling him closer.
"Don't you dare rip my wedding dress Mr. Mikaelson," you breathed.
"Wouldn't dream of it," he murmured, his hands gently tugging the fabric.
You giggled and pushed him away, holding his gaze, then you turned and looked over your shoulder at him, motioning to the buttons going down your back.
His fingers deftly undid the small buttons, taking his time, as if he was savoring each one. He kissed along the back of your neck and shoulders, pushing the straps of the dress off, and letting it fall to the ground.
His hands went to your waist, helping you step out of the dress, and he knelt down, picking it up and placing it carefully on a nearby chair.
"Such a gentleman," you said, softly.
His gaze roamed over your body, admiring the way the lingerie clung to your skin, accentuating every curve.
"Gorgeous," he said, stepping closer, his fingers tracing along the boning of the corset.
Your hands went to his chest, reaching up to undo his bowtie. He watched your hands, his eyes darkening with desire.
You tossed the tie aside, and began unbuttoning his shirt. You leaned in and pressed a kiss to his lips, your hands continuing their path.
When you got to his pants, you stopped, a wicked grin spreading across your face. You ran your finger along his waistband, teasing him.
He groaned and picked you up, and you instinctively wrapped your legs around his waist, your arms around his neck.
In an instant you were on the bed, the speed of vampires never ceased to amaze you. You lay there, looking up at him, your hair fanning out around your head, and you couldn't help but grin.
"Will you teach me to do that?" You asked, referring to the vamp speed.
He chuckled, leaning down and kissing your cheek. "Of course, my love. I will teach you everything you need to know."
You smiled, then reached up and pulled him down, crushing your lips together. He pressed his hips against yours, and you could feel the bulge in his pants.
"What else can you teach me?" You whispered, biting your lip and looking into his eyes, trying to look all sweet and innocent.
He raised an eyebrow and smirked, his eyes darkening. "Lots of things."
You ran a hand through his hair, tugging lightly. "I can't wait."
He grinned and leaned in, capturing your lips in a bruising kiss. His hands moving all over your body, caressing and squeezing.
"But first I'm going to take this corset off." He said, his fingers trailing down your chest and finding the ribbons. "I'm going to untie it slowly, and then I'm going to kiss every inch of your skin."
You let out a small gasp, his words sending a wave of arousal through you. He pressed his hips harder against your hand, still working to slowly untie the first ribbon.
"I'm going to make you come all over my tongue," He said, his voice raspy and low, working on loosening the second ribbon, pulling it free. "Over," He tugged on the third, "And over," the fourth, "And over."
You moaned, his words making you dizzy, and he grinned, pulling the last ribbon loose.
The corset fell away, and Elijah quickly pulled it from you, tossing it aside. His hands were on your breasts immediately, his thumbs brushing over your nipples, causing them to harden.
He lowered his head, his tongue flicking out and swirling around one nipple, before sucking it into his mouth.
You were panting, your hands gripping the sheets, watching as he made his way down, slowly removing your panties. He kissed his way up your thighs, his eyes never leaving yours.
He looked up at you and smirked, then slowly lowered his head, groaning as he licked a broad stroke over your pussy.
You gasped, arching your back, pushing yourself closer to him. He chuckled, his hands gripping your thighs, pushing them further apart, his tongue teasing and licking at your clit.
You were in heaven. The sounds he was making, the way he was devouring you, it all felt incredible. You couldn't help the moans and whimpers escaping from your throat, only fueling him on.
You couldn't tear your eyes away from the sight of him between your legs, the way his gaze would meet yours sent a thrill through you. He looked so content and satisfied, his eyes hooded, his tongue working you expertly.
He suddenly slipped a finger inside you, curling it against your walls, searching for that sweet spot. When he found it, he smirked, picking up the pace of his tongue lapping at your clit.
You came undone in seconds. Your walls clenched around his finger and your back arched, crying out his name.
He lifted his head, staring up at you, his eyes black. He licked his lips and winked at you, two of his fingers still pumping in and out of you.
He looked down at your flushed face and swollen lips, watching your body coming down from your high. You were always so beautiful after an orgasm. He could always coax these little spasms out of you afterwards, making you moan even more.
"I love you." He whispered. "My perfect wife."
With a wicked smirk, he slid a third finger in, curling against your g-spot, a delighted squeak escaping your lips as you squeezed his fingers.
"I can't wait to spend eternity with you," He said, his voice slow and gruff, the pleasure overwhelming you. "Watching you come like this, every night."
He continued to pump his fingers, with firm and steady strokes, the pressure building and building. Your body began to tense again, your moans becoming louder and more desperate. He grinned, watching you fall apart for him.
Your body started to shake, the waves of pleasure hitting you again and again, as you came on his fingers. He captured your lips in a rough kiss, swallowing your moans.
You collapsed on the bed, breathing heavily, the aftershocks still rolling through you. Elijah leaned down and kissed your neck, nuzzling against you.
"My wife," he said, savoring the way it sounded.
You giggled, still feeling a bit floaty. You looked up at him, taking in the sight of him. He was so handsome, his dark hair slightly disheveled, his eyes shining with love and affection.
"My husband," you said, reaching up and brushing some hair out of his eyes.
He smiled, his hands tracing along your bare skin. "You don't have to turn tonight, if you're not ready,"
You shook your head, smiling. "No, I want to. I'm ready."
"Are you sure?" He asked, his voice full of concern.
"Eli," you said, cupping his cheek. "I'll be okay,"
His expression turned a bit serious, his eyes flashing with worry.
"You're my whole world, I won't lose you," he said, kissing you deeply.
"You won't lose me," you said, softly.
"Promise?" He asked, his hand moving to your cheek, stroking it gently.
"I promise," you said, your heart fluttering.
He gently pushed your legs apart, his fingers stroking your thigh, the touch sending sparks through you.
"I will never let anything happen to you," he said, positioning himself between your legs.
"I know," you said, gasping when you felt him ease into you, slowly and gently.
"I love you," he said, leaning down and kissing your lips, as he began to move his hips, pushing himself deeper. "More than anything,"
"I love you, too." You gasped, wrapping your legs around him, pulling him closer.
One of his hands went to the small of your back, the other cradling behind your neck. He held you to him, forehead to forehead, his eyes boring into yours.
He rocked his hips, grinding against you, filling you completely. His thumb brushed across your lower lip, then his lips pressed against yours, whispering how much he loved you.
You felt as though your heart beats were the same, the way it was pounding in your chest, in time with his. The way he held you like this, close and tight, it was everything.
The heat and friction began building between you, his thrusts becoming deeper and harder. The air filled with the sounds of your moans and sighs, your bodies moving together.
You could feel another orgasm building, your breath coming in short, ragged pants. He seemed to sense this, his pace picking up, his eyes locked on yours.
"I want you to come with me," he said, his voice husky and low, as his hips drove into you, over and over.
"Yes," you whimpered, your fingers digging into his back, leaving crescent moon marks in his skin.
Together, you let go, your bodies trembling and shuddering, clinging to each other. He buried his face in your neck, groaning, his teeth scraping your skin.
You lay there for a few moments, holding each other, your breathing slowly returning to normal. His lips were still against your neck, his arms wrapped around you.
"Elijah?" You asked, hesitantly.
"Mmm?" He mumbled, not wanting to move.
"I know how I want to die," you said, quietly.
He pulled back, looking at you. ". . . You do?"
You nodded, chewing your bottom lip, you weren't sure if he would be willing to do this for you.
"I want you to drink from me," you said, softly.
His eyes widened, a look of shock on his face.
"I mean, only if you're okay with it. We can find a different way... You can just snap my neck like we originally planned... I just thought...," you said, quickly, starting to ramble.
He cut you off with a deep, passionate kiss.
"Are you sure?" He asked, once the kiss broke.
You nodded, a shy smile on your face.
"Absolutely."
"Alright, but if it gets too much, tell me. We can always stop," he said, his hand resting on your cheek.
"Okay," you said, nodding.
He sat up, leaning against the headboard, pulling you into his lap. His hands on your hips, he didn't move for a moment, just looked at you, a gentle smile on his lips.
"I'm ready Elijah... I want this," you said, cupping his face, and brushing your lips against his.
He kissed you softly, with pure tenderness and love. He looked into your eyes, and you could see the conflicting emotions running through him. Fear, happiness, sorrow, joy.
You stroked his cheek, reassuring him.
"I love you," he said, biting down on his wrist and bringing it to your lips.
"I love you, too," you whispered, taking his blood into your mouth, his free arm wrapping around your waist.
His wrist fell away, and he tilted his head, pressing his lips to yours. Then, he kissed a trail down your neck, stopping right over the vein.
You could feel the sharpness of his fangs, his mouth ghosting across your skin. His hands moved to your back, rubbing it soothingly. He was still hesitating.
Your hands gripped his chest, preparing for the sting of pain, the dark shroud of death that awaited you.
His fangs sank into you, and your body jerked. But the pain was fleeting, as the pleasure began to take over. His hands moved up and down your back, pulling you closer, his mouth working over the bite.
He was so gentle, and tender, the way he was holding you, caressing you. It made your heart swell with love, as the blood flowed from you.
He drank slowly, savoring the taste of your blood, listening to your heart beating slower, your breathing becoming shallower.
He could feel your life force slipping away, the blood no longer rushing through your veins. He felt an almost uncontrollable fear, and he had to fight the urge to let go.
You began to drift away, darkness creeping around the edge of your vision. Your eyes fluttered shut, your heart skipping a beat, before it came to a complete stop.
He pulled his mouth away, and pressed his forehead to yours, his tears falling on your face.
He let out a choked sob, the anguish of losing you was too much. He knew you would return, but in this place of nothingness, the void, it was all too real.
Your body was cuddled into his, your head resting in his shoulder, the wound on your neck still oozing blood.
He closed his eyes, and focused on the future, of all the things he would teach you. The places he would take you. The adventures you would have.
He was going to make the most of this eternity with you.
It didn't take long for your heart beat to return, or for you to stir. Your eyes opened slowly, blinking against the light.
"Eli?"
He pulled you closer, pressing a kiss to your forehead.
"Welcome back," he said, smiling.
You returned his smile, snuggling against him, and sighing.
"How do you feel?" He asked, his arms tightening around you.
"Hungry."
He laughed, stroking your hair. "I have just the thing for that,"
You nodded, sitting up, and looking at him. He looked tired, his eyes rimmed with red, his hair tousled.
"Have you been crying?" You asked, gently.
He nodded, looking a little embarrassed.
You kissed him softly, wrapping your arms around his neck.
"It's alright, my love. I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere," you whispered, pressing your forehead to his.
"Good," he said, letting out a shaky breath.
He held you, his hands stroking your back, your hair.
You lay there for a while, in the safety of his arms, before he pulled away, and smiled at you.
He reached for a blood bag he had gotten ready, and handed it to you. You tore into the bag, and drank deeply. You hadn't realized how thirsty you were, until you tasted the blood. It was sweet, and thick, and it was exactly what you needed.
He watched your eyes turn black, dark veins snaking underneath them, and smiled. You were beautiful.
When you were done, he tossed the bag aside, and wrapped his arms around you again.
"So, what happens now?" You asked, your eyes searching his.
"We live.â
#elijah mikaelson#the originals#the vampire diaries#klaus mikaelson#tvdu#vampire diaries#hayley marshall#elijah mikaelson smut#rebekah mikaelson#cami o'connell#marcel gerard#freya mikaelson#hope mikaelson#elijah mikaelson imagine#elijah mikealson imagine#elijah mikealson#elijah mikaelson x reader#elijah mikealson smut#elijah mikealson x reader#tvd#the vampire diaries x you#the vampire diaries x reader#the vampire diares imagine#the vampire diaries imagine#the originals imagine
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i bet on losing dogs
pairing: ellie williams x reader
post about palestine - please be aware and know who your content comes from. this post informs you about the tlou writers and creators, as well as how to help the Palestinian people.
description: a slow progression of how you lost ellie.
word count: 3.7k words
warnings: 18+ MDNI, reader is in a relationship with ellie, only angst, small mentions of intimacy, descriptions of violence, mentions of blood, ellie is grieving big time, ellie trauma dumps, ellie gets hurt, reader is described to be scarred and disfigured after seattle, reader is scared of ellie, dark themes in general.
authorâs note: just know this was sitting in my docs for a while cause I had a hard time sticking with the grief I felt writing it. I finished it a couple weeks ago and just kept rereading it. I can't keep looking at it anymore. have it. i'm sorry in advance.
Her bed was made.Â
Thatâs the first thing you noticed when you crept into her space. The snow had been piled in front of the door, indicating that no one had come or left. Your boots dusted snow across her old oriental-looking rug. Her back was turned to you.
She looks so small. Her hair is greasy, tousled up in a small bun at the base of her head. She was wearing the same clothes you left her in the day before.Â
âEls?â
She turns to you, not stunned, just a bit disoriented. Her eyebrows are furrowed the second her eyes meet yours.
âI thought I told you that I want to be alone.â
The statement crushes you. You inhale deeply, trying to relieve the heaviness on your chest.Â
You shake your head, âIâm sorry, I canât watch you rot in this room anymore.â
She's quick with her rebuttal. âIf you would have listened, you wouldnât have to watch. Just leave me alone.â
But you physically cannot. You have spent days pacing your house, thinking about her withering away in her detached garage. You try to sleep, but you know sheâs not, so how could you?Â
And you had this bitterness in your mouth all the time now. After walking into that room in the ski lodge and seeing her and Joel bloodied and battered, you cannot get the metallic taste to go away. Everything you ate tasted like it.Â
âEllie-â
âPlease, I donât want to talk.â
Her voice is shaky. You notice sheâs picking at her cuticles again, they are red and irritated. She finally changed out of the socks that were partially soaked with blood.Â
It had been three days since Joel was taken from her.Â
You try to hold your ground, blinking back some tears that slip when she approaches you and takes your arm. Sheâs guiding you to the door, grabbing the handle. When the door creaks open, you snatch your arm away. You are trying to be patient, but this was the second time she was trying to throw you out. She had done the same to Maria and Tommy the day after Joel died.
âI thought you were fuckinâ dead, Ellie.â
You promised yourself you would not burden her with your emotions. But you could not help it anymore.Â
âWhat?â
She shuts the door, letting more cold air seep into the frigid room. She shifts onto her other heel, crossing her arms. Itâs a physical way of blocking out your emotions, a gesture that is so subtle and probably absent of intention.Â
âI canât lose you, too, okay?â
Her eyes finally find yours, âYouâre not gonna-â
You reach out to her, pulling her hand out of the crook of her arm. âI am here, okay? I am right here.â
She uses the leverage of you grabbing her hand to reel you into a hug. As soon as your chin rests on her shoulder, sheâs dead weight in your arms. Itâs like a release that you have been waiting for. She starts to cry, the air escaping her lungs as she heaves to let out another sob. You just hold her, the anxiety of leaving her alone for the last three days now escaping you. You finally felt like you were doing something for her.Â
She grips onto you like you're the axis to keep her world spinning. Her whole life depended on the feeling of your body around her.Â
You sat with her for a whole day in silence. Not saying anything; just waiting for her to say the word. You knew what was next for Ellie.
She was going to get revenge.Â
-
Your shirt was stained with blood and sweat. You told yourself the next department store you saw, you would hunt down a 20-year-old shirt to replace it.Â
You were exhausted. You could hardly keep up with Ellie the last mile back to the theater. It was only the second day of trying to hunt down this crew Ellie was hell-bent on destroying. Two days in Seattle and you two have discovered a lot without having any initial leads when you arrived.Â
And you did not fault her for being so aggressive, but after the things you saw today, youâre starting to wonder if this was really what she needs. Her malicious and unhinged behavior was beginning to frighten you a bit.Â
It started when you entered an abandoned hotel. A couple of infected got taken down by your bullets, but when other non-infected people came running your way, you hesitated. You saw the looks of confusion on their faces when they saw you and Ellie. While you stood and held their gazes, Ellie raised her rifle and executed each one of them without even flinching. The shots were louder than you remember, echoing off the walls peeling of wallpaper.Â
Then today, you both arrived at an old elementary school. You were caught up with holding off a couple of people in a long hallway. You yelled for Ellie to wait it out, wanting the people to charge you so you could take them out, but instead, she lit up the entire hallway. When the last person came running at her with a baseball bat, she dodged them and shoved her blade right into their necks. You watched her twist it and rip it out the side, their blood splattering all over the wall. When the man collapsed, she simply tucked her weapon into her sheath and kept moving. It was so brutal and unnecessary, but she kept telling you they deserved it.Â
She found who she had been looking for. A girl named Nora. You were in charge of keeping watch while she got intel from her. You heard most of the conversation, but when you heard the sounds of metal clinging, you stepped away from the door. You had to resist the urge not to run in there and stop the torture, but your feet were stuck to the concrete. You did not move, you did not dare.Â
She is now digging dirt and blood out of her fingernails with her blade, trying not to accidentally knick herself. Her auburn fringe covers her forehead, greasy from sweat. She is still covered in blood, but you two have not said much since you arrived back.Â
She went too far and she knows it scared you. But frankly, she did not care. This was necessary.Â
âEls?â You snap her out of her trance-like daze. She has not said anything in about an hour. Your voice is soft and so is your touch on her shoulder. You want to try to pick her brain, something you have been unsuccessful at doing the last couple of weeks.
She winces.Â
âYeah?â She utters. A bit of phlegm in the back of her throat makes her sound hoarse.Â
âCan you please let me check on you? Just take off your coat.â
Your hand is still on her shoulder. She does not respond or move, so you take it as sheâs submitting to your request. You grab the collar of her rain jacket and slowly start to drag it down her shoulder. Sheâs still not saying anything.Â
You wished you could read her mind. It would make your relationship with her way easier. After two years, you would think she would be better about sharing her feelings, but she mostly left you to interpret her body language. You got good at reading it for a while. But then Joel died. And now she is a silent and bitter ball of rage. Anything you thought you knew about her has fallen to the wayside.Â
You slowly take off her layers of clothing, being sure to avoid touching the wounds that have made her skin their new home.Â
The one on her shoulder was pretty bad, you think to yourself, she better let me stitch her up.Â
âI think we need to surprise them at night,â She states, her voice a bit robotic. You just bite the inside of your lip and nod. She was making all the plans, you just had to go along with it.
âOkay,â You whisper, grabbing a medical kit nearby. You made sure to pack it back in Jackson and it came in handy more than once already.
âDo you even want to know what happened earlier?â
Your heart sinks. You do not want to know what happened. You knew she got what she needed from the girl, but you truly did not know if you wanted to hear the details. The idea that Ellie did more than just beat her makes you physically sick. If she could do that to a stranger, what was she going to do when she got her hands on her? You were not innocent in the chase. But your heart always skipped when you had to pull your trigger at another human being. It was not easy to watch life leave someoneâs eyes. But for Ellie it was different. She acted like they were just things. Inanimate objects that needed to be pushed out of the way. You never saw her eyes change when she took a life.Â
You grab the needle from the med kit and a nearby lighter before settling on the couch beside Ellie. Her shoulder blade is covered by all the blood creating new dark maroon freckles.Â
You tilt her shoulder back to better look at it before finally responding.Â
âDidnât think you wanted to talk about it.â
You know thatâs not the answer she wanted. Her shoulders fall forward and she places her face in her hands. She lets out a long sigh, disregarding you as you try to patch her up. She quickly turns around to look at you.Â
Her eyes are dark, her lips pursed.Â
âI got her to talk. She paid with her life.â
You want to see your Ellie, but whoever sits before you is a stranger.Â
You did not want to think about Ellie killing a girl by violently beating her. It seemed so personal and evil. You decide thereâs no answer worth saying to her confession, so you just turn her back around and begin your slow, tedious stitching.
Once you finish off the last suture, you stand and bring over a bowl filled with rainwater the night before. You were going to use it for drinking, but you decide itâs better to use it to clean around Ellieâs battered body.
You grab a rag from your pack and dip it in the chilled water. You ring it out and bring it to your stitch work. She is shaking now, but you are so scared to hold her in your arms.Â
âThe night before Joel⊠we got into that big fight. I was so fuckinâ mad at him. I went to his house to confront him again.â
She heaves and you know tears are spilling from those beautiful green eyes. âEllie-â
âI told him I was going to try to forgive him for all the shit he did. I shouldâveâŠâÂ
You drop the red-stained cloth into the bowl and pull her back into your chest. Sheâs sobbing, her entire body shaking as you finally accept her into your space.Â
Before you knew Ellie, you knew Joel. You did not understand their relationship, but you knew it was fractured. Joel never talked badly about her, only reminding everyone around him how proud he was of her. Whenever he caught you around the stables, he would ask if you were still hanging out with her. You would always blush and reply quickly, âYes, of courseâ. He would smile and tell you how grateful he was to see she had a friend like you.Â
You loved Ellie. You loved her with every fiber of your being. She helped you through a lot of your grief when you arrived in Jackson. She held you through countless nights when you cried about losing your dad. You never thought you would have to do the same for her. Everyone, including you, thought Joel Miller was indestructible.Â
âEllie, how were you supposed to know?â You ask softly before gently pressing a kiss in the middle of her back. You had never kissed her there before.
âHow am I supposed to live with that?â
She was hurting so badly. Her violent heart has finally had enough.Â
âYou learn how to manage it.â
It was the only way you pulled through. Grief is love expressing itself through other means. When you lost your dad, it was not violent. He was sick and his body was so beaten down, he had no chance of surviving the disease taking over his body. Your grief was managed by reminding yourself that you had to keep living for him because if not, you would be disappointing him. You did not know if heaven was real, but you did believe in energy, and you felt him sometimes especially when you needed him the most.Â
Ellieâs grief was different. It was forceful and unyielding. She could not let the hatred go and you did not particularly blame her. She watched Joel get beaten so badly that his face was almost unrecognizable. She had to watch a random woman take him away from her, forever. You could not compare your grief, but you did know that with time, she would know how to better manage it. She just could not get over the contempt for others who wronged her. It was embedded within her to seek out retribution.Â
She cried a bit, letting out a long sigh. âThe only way I see it is if I give those people an ounce of violence they showed Joel in his final moments, I will be at peace.â
You knew the truth. There was no peace in situations like this. But were you going to tell Ellie that? No, you were not. You traveled hundreds of miles for her to do what she felt was necessary. And while you did not agree with all of her actions, you had been complacent. You were no better than any other person with a violent and impulsive lover. You enabled this journey to come to fruition, so you had to take accountability.Â
You stand up so you can face her. Her gaze has softened now and she almost looks like the same girl who confessed her feelings to you at the Harvest Festival two years ago. A little bit older, aged with the falling away of time, but still beautiful and vulnerable. Her green eyes sparkled differently, but your Ellie was still there somewhere.Â
âOkay, baby.â That is all you could say. âWe will finish it.â
-
When you come back to consciousness, your vision is fuzzy. You are completely disoriented, but you know you are face down on the concrete. You start to feel around for something familiar, not sure if your gun or knife is nearby. You felt defenseless.
âEllie?â You croak out. As soon as you talk, you can feel blood dribbling down your throat. You hear stirring beside you and your blood runs cold. Is that her?
You lift your hand to rub whatever is in your eyes out. Dirt? Mud? When you look at your hands, you get confirmation that itâs blood. Youâre covered in it.Â
The movement gets closer and you look to your right and see Ellieâs battered body slowly stumbling towards you. Panic rises within you, unsure if she was mortally wounded or not. She collapses beside you, sitting up partially. She reaches for your hand and you realize that you can hardly move your foot to try to push yourself upwards. Everything hurt.Â
âBaby, Iâm here.â She finally says. Your worry subsides for a moment as you try to sit up.Â
âAre you hurt?â You cry out as you press yourself upwards, the pain in your foot shooting up your leg. Itâs almost the worst pain youâve ever been in. You can hardly breathe once contort yourself to settle next to Ellieâs practically limp body.Â
âYeah, but I can walk.â
You finally remember why youâre in this room. You try to scan the room, but the dimmed lighting and blood in your eyes isnât helping. âIs Abby dead?âÂ
The silence tells you the answer but you just look over at Ellie. She has blood pouring out of her nose and it trickles down her neck.Â
âShe got away.â
-
Every day after Abby got away was completely different. When you arrive at the farmhouse on the hill, you hope to see your old Ellie again, and sometimes you do.Â
When the golden light trickled between the leaves in the forest and you two bask in the rays as you forage for berries, you tell a stupid joke and her laugh is guttural. She belly laughs and tells you that youâre so âdumbâ before she wraps her arms around your waist and presses a kiss into your temple.Â
But then there was nighttime. When she finally fell asleep and you would stay up with a candle burning to read, she was ravaged by nightmares. She usually couldnât escape them, so you would throw your book on the side table and hold her tightly so she could come back to reality.Â
The day would break and she would bring you up some breakfast in bed. She was terrible at cooking, but no one can really mess up scrambled eggs. She would serve them to you with a big goofy grin and long kisses.Â
Intimacy was few and far between, but you knew not to press it too much. Every time she would touch you in that way, she was meticulous and very generous. You would try to return the favor and she would shrivel up and tell you that she was okay. It made you feel some type of way, but after the fifth time it happened, you realized it was because she did not feel in tune with herself in that way.Â
You told her that she was beautiful every day. No matter what she was doing, or how she looked, whenever the thought entered your mind, you would say it out loud. Her response was always, âNo, you.â
After a year of domesticity, you woke up one night to the sound of rustling downstairs and an empty bed. When Ellie did have a bad nightmare, she would occasionally go downstairs and sit on the front porch. But it was a chilly night and you knew better.Â
The day before Tommy made an unexpected visit and made an already awkward interaction absolutely deplorable. He had to bring up her and blame Ellie for the outcome of the Seattle event. The entire situation led to you forcing him off the property and telling him to never come back with that bullshit.Â
It was a subject you and Ellie never discussed after leaving those city limits. She told you she was done, that it was all over. You would never fight her on it, especially because you knew it was really over. There was no way you would be going after someone who almost killed you and disfigured you. Every time you looked in a mirror, you were forced to see the scars that littered your cheeks and forehead. A sick reminder of the bitter fight between you two.Â
You slowly walk downstairs, seeing Ellieâs figure in the kitchen. She has her backpack on the floor, loading a gun into the side pocket.Â
âWhat are you doing?â You ask bluntly. She turns around and you take note of her outfit. A couple of layers. A large brown jacket, jeans, and her Converse. She was going somewhere.
She looks at you, tears already welling in her eyes.Â
âBabeâŠâ
You can hear your heartbeat in your ears. âWhere are you going?â
You creep up to her slowly, your bare feet creaking across the hardwood.Â
Sheâs a foot away when she finally puts her hands out to stop you from coming closer.Â
âI⊠I think Tommy is right.â
If it was possible for someone to rip out your heart without opening up your chest, it was happening to you right now. This would be the worst pain.Â
âRight about what?â You manage as a whisper.Â
She takes in a long breath, âAbout Abby. About going after her.â
âNo⊠Ellie, heâs not right.âÂ
You try to move closer, but she takes a step back. Sheâs treating you like you are infected. But even that would not matter, sheâs Ellie.Â
It makes you feel every negative emotion when she says the words, âI need to finish this. I told you⊠I told you I wouldnât be at peace until I-â
âSo why did we even come back, Ellie? How is this fucking fair to me?â
âYou wanted to. We⊠we were fucked up. We didnât have a chance.â
âAnd you think you do now?!â
She shakes her head, almost appalled by your statement. âI wasnât broken like you were.â
You close your lids tightly, unsure how you could even look her in the eyes. Your fingernails are digging into your palms. You had this feeling for a while. An unsettled force that would occasionally bloom in the pit of your stomach when you watched Ellie. You would remind yourself that itâs over. The plot for revenge was buried deep in the ground.Â
So when she stands in front of you, ready to take off, you feel like you canât breathe.
âEllie, if you go, I will never forgive you. I will not wait for you.â
Sheâs silent, contemplating even for a moment. She has this look of determination. She has already made up her mind. âThatâs your choice.â
She starts to pick up the bag, but you make one more silent plea before watching your life walk out the back door. You grab her hand quickly, stopping her from taking any steps.Â
âI thought you fuckinâ loved me, Ellie. I thought you said we were done.â You sob out, âYou think Joel would want this for you? Do you really think he would want you to walk out that door?â
Deep down, you know that Joel would have gone to the ends of the earth for Ellie, especially if the roles were reversed. But he would also want her to have a life after him. And you were more sure of that than the latter.
She pulls her wrist away from your grasp. A look of pure betrayal playing across her features. You had not spoken his name in months. It sounds like a curse word to her coming from you. âYou donât know what he would want.â
âAnd you do?âÂ
âHe would have done the same for me.â
And she leaves. You think back to the first words she said to you when you entered her room over a year ago.Â
âI thought I told you that I want to be alone.â
And now she would be.
-
#haha I hurt#ellie williams#ellie williams x reader#ellie williams angst#tlou x reader#tlou fic#the last of us 2#the last of us#ellie tlou#gracieheartspedro#fic: I bet on losing dogs
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Prologue | AO3
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âDA-NI! DA-NI!â
âCâMON JON LETâS GOOOO!â
âYouâre pretty sure you can get ectoplasm by accessing this Liminal Realm directly then? Thereâs no other option?â Bruce was trying to ignore the robust cheering from the rest of the kids while he caught up on the situation with Raven and Dick. Apparently Danielle and Jon had ended up in an arm wrestle contest, on which several of the children had bet their desserts that night on who would win. But while the feats of metahuman skill were something to be noted, Bruce was more interested in the report Raven had already given the eldest two of his kids.
âCâMON DANI YOU MADE HIM BUDGE WIN ME THAT BROWNIE!â Stephanie was barely keeping herself from shaking the younger girl.
âJON! DONâT LET ME DOWN LITTLE MAN!â Dukeâs mild panic turned into a cheer alongside Tim when Jon forced the two hands back to the center. They seemed to be evenly matched, but it was hard to tell if that was the truth or if there were other factors in play. Jonâs abilities were still only starting to manifest, so no one knew his full potential just yet. But Danielle also was arguably not running at her full capacity after months of being half starved for both her human side and ghost side.
âYes, but not here. Even with Daniâs presence the Liminal Realm could still reject us. I can keep myself from being hurt if thereâs a violent rejection, but Iâd rather not have to worry about my surroundings too,â Raven confirmed, also trying not to be distracted by the competition. âThe only alternatives I can think of are trying to find a hotspot, which the others have failed to do in the past two months. Or try to purify any existing samples.â
âNeither option is viable,â Bruce grumbled slightly. Opening a gateway to the Liminal Realm sounded like a disaster in the making to him, but it was still a better option than anything else they had. âDo you have a location in mind?â
âThereâs an island near the one the Titanâs tower is on that weâve used before for people with more risky abilities. Weâll be close enough to the facility that any complications should be easy to manage as well,â Raven suggested, earning a hesitantly agreeing hum and nod from Bruce.
Before Bruce could verbally answer, a loud cracking noise of splintering wood followed by several shouts of despair and surprise alerted them of the arm wrestle being interrupted by the table snapping under Danielle and Jonâs strength. The two kids half toppled over as quick hands from the surrounding cheerleaders snatched a hold of them to keep them from hitting the ground.
âNOOO! WHO WAS WINNING?â Tim practically wailed as Duke, Stephanie and Sam helped the competitors regain their footing.
âObviously not the table,â Danielle quipped, flexing and shaking her hand a little now that it was free of the stress she had put it under.
Jon could only snort and laugh at the comment, also shaking his hand. âI dunno. You are pretty strong though. Maybe we really are tied this time?â
âA true test of strength would involve more than a childish match with only one limb in play,â Damian interjected, looking at the broken table in disappointment.
âYeah I donât think a fight to the death is something Iâd be willing to sign up for though, Damian,â Jon winced with a nervous chuckle, knowing by now the only contests Damian seemed to find worthy were ones where people got more than a little hurt.
âI donât think it would work in the first place considering one of us is already half dead, too,â Danielle added, raising her hands in a shrug, earning a snort from Stephanie.
âThatâs what youâre worried about?â Tucker half whispered, looking at Danielle incredulously.
The mild banter subsided when Bruce and Raven took that as their chance to get back to business, walking closer to the group and catching their attention.
âOh! Hey Raven! Youâre here earlier than I thought youâd be. We already milked the Batcow, and brushed her and Goliath. But you could still brush them a little more if you wanted,â Jon offered, gesturing to a bucket of fresh milk that had luckily been set aside on a different table with the brushes.
â...Iâm good, thank you,â Raven politely declined, mildly amused. Jon was still quite the farm boy at heart.
âWeâre actually here to see if Danielle would be willing to help us in another attempt to get some ectoplasm for Danny,â Bruce explained, shifting his gaze to the girl in question.
âOh? Sure thing. Of course. What do you need?â Danielle agreed readily, easily stepping forward to join them. âJazz already gave permission I guess?â
âWith the condition that we keep you safe,â Dick confirmed with a nod. âRaven was able to figure out which Realm the ectoplasm you guys run off of comes from, and is going to try to open a gateway to it. Apparently you being there is supposed to make it play nicely instead of blowing up in our faces.â
â...Another Realm?â Stephanie asked, having not missed how Sam and Tuckerâs demeanor changed at the mention of it. They seemed a little nervous now. Hiding something.
âThe Realm Between Realms,â Raven clarified, also feeling the shift in their guestâs emotions. âThey know it as the Infinite Realm, and Danny and Dani have close ties to it that should make it more receptive to my attempt to draw energy from it.â
âExcuse me?â Sam couldnât help blurting, taking a defensive step towards Danielle as semi recent memories of the GIW trying to use Danny as a battery to access the Infinite Realms flooded her mind.
âWeâre not going to try anything that might damage the Realm,â Dick spoke up quickly, raising his hands to placate Sam. âWe know how important it is for that Realm to remain intact. Thatâs why Raven wants to try everything she can to not cause problems with it.â
It was a surprising response to hear, and both Sam and Tucker couldnât find an immediate answer. So Raven tried to explain a little further. âBoth Danny and Dani are beings that should be easily accepted and favored by other realms. And since the ectoplasm in their system originates from the Liminal Realm I expect it recognizes them as one of its own. But with them also being half alive, our Realm also accepts them as one if its own. Theyâre a perfect bridge between realms.â
âOkay, so itâs like big sister asking the favorite child to ask mom and dad for a favor, got it,â Danielle reworded in her own way. âSo what do I need to do? Am I the one supposed to open the portal? You donât think I can build one do you? Because we absolutely would have tried that already if I knew how,â she prodded, feeling a little nervous now that she was thinking she had to do this on her own.
âWait- Dani, are you sure? The last time a portal was openedâŠ,â Sam cautioned, still uneasy as a different memory came to her.
âHey, which one of us is the lab experiment?â Danielle reminded them, gesturing between the two of them. âI got this. I know my limits,â she assured, ignoring the brief looks of deep concern from Bruce and his family.
â...She is remarkably well adjusted to being a clone,â Tim muttered quietly to Stephanie.
âEither that or she uses humor to cope like some people we know,â Stephanie muttered back. They should have known Danielle probably didnât have the happiest first while of her life. None of the other clones they knew had been created for benign reasons after all.
âIâll be the one creating a temporary portal. Youâll just have to come with me to a safer area, and stand where I tell you to,â Raven explained, not sure how she wanted to react to the girl. It was hard to be too worried about someone who didnât seem to have any concerns at all right then.
âStand there?â Danielle repeated, waiting for a nod from Raven before inevitably shrugging. âSounds easy enough. Lead the way then, oh temporary big sister,â she agreed, opening her hands to show she was willing to follow.
The term caught Raven off guard, so she didnât respond before Sam interrupted again. This time it wasnât to stop them. âI want to go too. If thatâs alright,â Sam half requested, half insisted. âThe last time we left Dani on her own she got shot,â she added to hopefully persuade them into letting her come. That was only part of the reason though. She was really just curious to see how Raven was going to open a portal to the Infinite Realms when as far as she knew the only ones that had managed to do that before were Danny and Jazzâs parents. And for them it almost seemed to have been an accident.
âThat shouldnât be a problem. As long as you listen to what I tell you,â Raven agreed. One more person shouldnât be a problem. She preferred to not have a crowd, but she was getting used to it after staying with the Teen Titans for so long. Everyone seemed to like being in each othersâ business there, even if it was just to watch each other train.
âCan I come too?â Jon asked, raising his hand and taking Samâs permission as a chance that he could be included.
âOh, me too, me too,â Stephanie added, also raising her hand halfway. And with her request Duke raised his hand as well, and Tucker quickly added his to the group too.
With three more people wanting to join, and having no real reason to decline since she knew telling them it might be dangerous would do nothing to deter them, Raven sighed. âVery well. Just donât do anything unless youâre told to,â she relented, quickly gesturing to open a portal of her own to transport them to her desired location. Maybe if she got this over with quick enough she could avoid any more tag alongs.
Humming in content at being given permission, Stephanie followed the others as they filed through the intra realm portal. Danielle walked through the dark gateway easily enough, but Tucker definitely hesitated and latched onto Sam as they passed, just in case they ended up separated. Duke also seemed quite excited to be able to participate, following as Jon rushed through the portal. Then as Raven moved to follow them last she had to pause as Damian wordlessly stepped in line with her.
â...Someone has to keep an eye on the children,â was all Damian offered when Raven paused to look at him expectantly. It earned a tiny, amused smile from Raven as she sighed slightly again and allowed him to follow her. Her reaction only proved Damianâs thought that she seemed to be in a good mood considering she was letting so many people possibly annoy her by tagging along.
___
Once they reached the area Raven had in mind it had taken some time for her to direct people to where they needed to be. Originally she had only planned on having Danielle there, and maybe one other person to help if needed. But with everyone who had wanted to come she found it could actually be potentially beneficial for Sam and Tucker to have accompanied them. They had the same liminal saturated state of existence that Jazz did, which might sway the bargain more in their favor.
After leading the group to a clearing in the trees, Raven had pointed to a spot for Danielle to stand. And after confirming that Sam and Tucker were willing to help Raven also directed them to their own positions. Three evenly spread points on an invisible circle about 20 meters in radius. And while they were a little confused about the command to just stand in place and not move unless they were in danger, the three seemed willing enough to participate in the ritual. The rest of the tag alongs Raven had ordered to remain hidden behind the surrounding foliage or boulders. Just in case.
âIf everyone is ready, Iâll begin,â Raven prompted, taking her own position in the middle of the circle as her traditional uniform replaced her casual attire in shadowy wisps. The feat earned a series of soft, excited noises from the Phantom kids, but they obediently stayed where they had been put. And after Danielle gave a thumbs up around the four liter jar she was holding, shifting into her ghost form for good measure, Raven nodded once before raising vertically into the air.
To be fair the three from Amity werenât used to non ghost people being able to do anything supernatural. So when Ravenâs form lifted so easily in the air, her cloak flaring out behind her as the glow of four eyes flashed under her hood they were naturally captivated. Even more so as Raven raised her hands out to her sides momentarily before gracefully pulling them towards herself in an alternating cup above and below a space in front of her torso.
That was when the hauntingly familiar sensation started to spread over Danielleâs form. The way the realm natives shuddered and started looking around anxiously, and Sam and Tucker glanced at their surroundings in curious familiarity betrayed that they felt the same thing. The creeping eeriness that tended to saturate burial sites, or other spaces not quite completely in one realm. Places people had come to call liminal spaces. Where things that shouldnât happen did, or didnât. Just unbelievable enough to make people think they hadnât actually experienced what they thought they had.
To Danielle, Sam and Tucker it felt like home.
As the spine crawling sensation grew to an almost suffocating invisible smog the space between Ravenâs hands suddenly cracked. Green lines splitting from a point between her palms as the realm broke into another, pieces of the space splitting off and either falling into the growing hole or peeling away and dissipating. It looked the same as the breaking mirror effect the G.I.W.âs machines had caused more than two months ago. But this time it didnât feel disastrous. The broken hole stayed relatively small, and Danielle felt something different brush over her like the caress of fog billowing gently passed her. Her breath momentarily fanned out in front of her, and she couldnât help responding as it felt like something was beckoning her. Her own feet left the weak confines of the grass tickling her shoes as she floated up to a point halfway between the ground and where Raven was. Sheâd only moved up, and not broken the circle, and her movement felt accepted.
And with the acceptance a very familiar orb of brightly glowing green bloomed out from the cracked plane. Raven seemed to be struggling to hold the connection between realms, but Danielle couldnât help the small gasp as the orb condensed slightly, a slow stream of ectoplasm cascading down to pool on Ravenâs lower hand before continuing its descent. Raven grimaced when the substance touched her skin, but held her place. A little extra magic plucked the jar from Danielleâs grasp and brought it under the falling stream, catching the gift bestowed on them from the Liminal Realm.
They had been optimistic with the size of the jar. But they would still accept the smaller amount given to them. It took many, long, borderline agonizing minutes for the glass jar to fill. When it wasnât quite halfway full the stream of ectoplasm thinned, and Raven pushed to hold the connection a bit longer before giving in and pulling her hands away.
No need to push their luck.Â
As soon as her position changed there was a sound of a single crack splitting glass and the break between realms sealed with the rapid filling of paint spilling across marble. The jar was returned to Danielleâs hands, and Ravenâs form dropped just a little too quickly back to the ground. She wasnât all that hurt, but it was still enough of a drop that Jon darted out from their source of cover and leapt into the air high enough to catch her. Their landing wasnât the most graceful considering she was taller than him, but it still helped, and she simply pressed a hand to her head for a moment after Jon gently set her down.
âAre you alright?â the lad asked, as Damian almost skidded to Ravenâs side as well, resting a hand on her shoulder as the rest of the group followed.
âIâm fine,â Raven assured. âJust drained.â She almost felt like sheâd lost a liter of blood, but she knew the sensation would pass. She just needed to take it easy for a bit. But she was more concerned about the results of their endeavor, and looked over to where Danielle was openly staring at the jar in her hands.
When it was clear that Raven just needed rest, Jon couldnât help spilling his excitement from what heâd seen. âThat. Was. AWESOME!â he gushed while Stephanie and Duke approached Danielle.
â...Is that the stuff?â Stephanie asked, resting her hands on her knees as she leaned over to peer at the glowing green goop.
Danielle was a bit stunned silent, not quite able to believe that she was finally holding two liters of rich, pure ectoplasm that seemed to be just slightly a higher concentration than what her parents gave her at home. But at Stephanieâs question she finally breathed a confirmation. â... Yes.â
That seemed to break the stillness in her own mind as well, for the rush of excitement suddenly crashed into her brain and she started shaking slightly. âYes! Oh my goooosh, it issss,â she blurted, quickly setting the jar on the ground so she didnât accidentally spill it as she abruptly started pumping her fists and jumping up and down. âYES! YES! YES! FINALLY!!! FFFFFF- AAAAAHHHHHHH!!â Danielle couldnât help screaming in her excitement, leaping forward to tackle Sam and Tucker as soon as they were close enough and bursting into a fit of laughter. âWE HAVE SOME! ITâS ECTOPLASM!!â she cheered between contagious laughing that quickly spread to her friends.
âThey got some?!â
âOh heck yes! Finally! Oh my gosh!â
Sam and Tucker joined Danielle in her elated rambles, wrapping their arms around her and allowing themselves to be slung around by each otherâs jumping and swaying.
Raven couldnât help the tiny laugh that escaped her at the kidsâ reactions, and even Damian cracked a smile. âThank you,â the lad expressed, giving Ravenâs shoulder a light squeeze before standing and offering her a hand to help her up.
âNo problem,â Raven accepted, taking Damianâs hand and using it to steady herself once she got to her feet as well.
âDude, this looks like the green stuff you were bleeding when Deathstroke shot you,â Duke commented, peering at the contents of the jar.
âThatâs because itâs pretty much the same stuff,â Danielle snorted, slightly breathless from all her hollering. âItâs just not claimed. Ghost blood canât really be shared between ghosts, but this stuff doesn't belong to any ghost, so its free game,â she explained a little more, then quickly reached over and slapped Dukeâs hand away from reaching into the jar. âAh! Donât touch. Itâs poison to regular humans.â
Being told it was poison to him was enough for Duke to yank his hand back where it belongs, pulling away from the toxic substance. âFair enough. Guess Iâll let you carry it back home then,â he relented, keeping away from the substance.
Do you have enough strength to take us back to the manor? Or should I summon our own ride?â Damian asked, looking at Raven but ready to use his phone to call one of their flying vehicles if necessary.
âIf you donât mind me sticking around for a while, I can take us back,â Raven agreed.
âStay as long as you like,â Stephanie assured, giving a thumbs up.
âSays the one that doesnât even live there,â Duke snorted, amused, and folded his arms.
âWhat? But I thought you were adopted like the rest?â Sam asked, face scrunching slightly in confusion.
âOnly for legalities,â Stephanie clarified. âIt was just to get the social workers off my back. I actually still live with my mom, and thereâs no way in hell Iâm ever calling Bruce dad.â
âAh. Fair enough,â Sam nodded, not going to pry any further.
It was enough of a delay for Raven to build up a little more energy to open a short distance portal for them to take back to the Wayne manor, and once it was open the group was quick to file through.
_____
âJAZZ!!â Danielleâs holler came immediately after she emerged from Ravenâs portal into the manor foyer. She wasted no time bothering with the stairs, simply turning intangible with the jar in her hands and zipping through the floor and walls to Dannyâs room. âJAZZ, HOLY CRAP!â
The others chuckled at Danielleâs antics, figuring she and her friends could take care of delivering the good news well enough. Duke excused himself to go fetch Bruce, and Damian and Jon followed Raven to the closest couch to sit. Stephanie followed Sam and Tucker up the stairs, but they ended up having to quickly dodge out of the way as Jazz came bolting passed them. The eldest girl was quick to hunt Raven down, and when she found them Jazz immediately threw her arms around the girl.
âTHANK YOU!â Jazz blurted, hugging Raven tightly despite her surprised stiffness. âThank you! Thank you! Thank you!â
Raven wasnât sure how to react, but managed to bring herself to lower her half raised hand to Jazzâs back, giving her a small pat. âYouâre welcome.â
âJazz! Come on! Leslie is here!â Danielle was calling down the stairs, leaning over the railing so far she was at risk of falling off.
âComing!â Jazz called back, giving Raven one more quick hug and thank you before excusing herself to run back upstairs.
The rest of that day held much lighter spirits than the manor had seen in awhile. After some explanation from Jazz about how Danny and Danielle usually absorbed ectoplasm Leslie had opted to try an IV, especially when the ectoplasm seemed to dilute well enough into a liquid with the saline water. The kids had hung out in the room for a little while once the IV was in place, but eventually their excitement was too much to be confined in the small room. They ended up outside again, burning off their energy in simple but active games with the other residents of the manor. Danielle and Jon made for an interesting sports game among the kids, and Bruce was pleased to see Jazz participating for once while he and Leslie took care of monitoring Danny this time.
âWell, it looks like this is working better than I thought it would,â Leslie commented after some time of silence, having just given Danny a routine check up. Even without being a doctor Bruce could tell Danny was doing much better than when heâd first seen the boy. His skin wasnât ghastly pale anymore, his heart rate had finally reached a normal range, and his breathing was slow and even.
âIndeed,â Bruce agreed, reaching over to confirm his own suspicion by gently taking Dannyâs hand for a moment. As heâd thought, the boy was now warm to the touch instead of icy cold. Maybe a little too warm now, but that was to be expected. He still had a fever, but that would be much easier to manage than a self induced cryo stasis.
Hopefully the lad would be able to wake up soon now.
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An obnoxiously long post because I honestly just didn't want to draw a second picture for this section X'DD
Also me covering up for my oopsie not knowing Stephanie wasn't actually adopted by Bruce. Please accept my apology in the form of an in story excuse |P
I spammed Twin Fates by Sawano Hiroyuki while writing the second half of this one
_______________________
Tag list: @galaxy-sharks-and-bottled-ships, @starscreamlover, @nerdynonnativenarnian, @dragongoblet, @megacharizardx99
@bellathecatastrophe, @cj-ghostemoji-destielpie, @asexual-insomniac, @wolfeyedwitch, @tkiesai,Â
@fanaroff, @raven1508, @nebulainajar, @serasvictoria02, @oliocelottafanfics,
@honeysuckletook, @omniithe-deer, @wolf-under-the-stars, @gingernutcalo, @that-random-fangirl,
@op-sys-chaos, @kirasigncomics, @ehobep
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Hold Me, Console Me, And then Iâll Leave Without a Trace, No One Noticed by The Marias
Before we start this has many ideas for authors and some are specific, so if you notice âHey that looks like what idea I put into my postâ PLEASE TELL ME, I would love to give you credit, bc I probably would have never made this without it!
and greatgooglymoogly (my friend, I don't discriminate against other greatgogglymoogly's) if you see this scroll, admire how aesthetic this post is and scroll./j
(This has a mother!darling and a daughter!darling, and they are separate from the reader- unless you decide they arenât đđ)
gn!reader (if I accidentally make them seem too feminine, Iâm sorry đ)
So Much More.
Pt. 1
All my life, I held onto this thin piece of thread called hope. It started off as a rope, almost strangled myself with it, but as time went on and as it started dwindling down, it started snapping.
So, now, the only thing that kept this âropeâ connected was a thin piece of thread, too bad, it broke. Due to people who were honestly victims.
Bruce Wayne.
Everyone knows him, who cares if you love him, who cares if you hate him, I mean eat the rich, and who cares if you donât care about him. To me, heâs a good-for-nothing sperm donor who was also my landlord.
My dear mother, (M/N) (L/N). What a diva she was. She gave me everything and so much more. She embraced me in such comfort that I could feel myself slipping when it disappeared from right under me.
Gotham City is one of the many crime-raided cities there is in the world, anything could go wrong.
Luckily for momma, she died through a natural death, unluckily for me, she was my everything. I mean really, a child no older than 4 frantically searching for something, anything. Desperation creeping in, dialing an emergency call, with terrible service and small fat fingers that didnât even know how to operate such a stupid telephone that only worked if you used it at an angle.
May my dearest momma lay in a field of flowers, sunlight kissing her skin, that was the fantasy she told me sheâd love to take me to. Something Gotham City could only be reached if there was no such thing as heroes, villains, or vigilantes.
If it wasnât for my appearance Iâd would had gone to an orphanage, th officer or whatever he was, Gorgan? Gordon? Doesnât matter, he called him someone.
a man who seemed so formal and elegant showed up, he would be my father figure, for the time I would spend in the manor. Since, it just so happens I had a 100 percent match with a certain millionaire, billionaire. The man that showed up was none other than my light in the dim, depressing place.
Alfred, the butler for the Bruce Wayne.
Ecstatic, I was, thatâs when the rope appeared, my thoughts ran rapid.
Do I have siblings? How many? Howâs my dad?
Questions after question, answered with⊠I hope youâre hungry forâŠ
nothing đ-
Alfred had answered all my questions, of course I met them all⊠eventually,
Richard, other wise known as âDickâ
He tried to give the impression to the family as a caring big brother. Well, not to me obviously. When he first met me, his first words were âWhoâs the kid?â
âWhoâs the kid?â Dick asked
âThis is your new sibling, [name] Wayneâ
He was there, for yâknow that one second, moving on Tim.
Tim
Iâve never held a conversation with him, he breezed past me.
Jason.
BFFs, before he died, then came back to life, then shut me out.
Barbara, Cassandra, and Stephanie
Was my idol, but they stuck their head up so high that they didnât notice me. Making her nothing more than a second thought in my head.
Duke
Sweet kid, from what I've seen in the shadows.
Damian
He really, broke me in, hell if anyoneâs impacted me, itâs him.
degrading me like I was a bug infestation.
Then he stopped, saying âI donât have time to waste on you.â
Are you kidding me?
I did everything and more for the attention of my family.
Sports? You name it. I probably did it.
Instruments? Do you even know how many medals I've won?
Singing and dance are challenging but that doesn't mean I'm not perfect to the T.
But nothing worked, it's funny you'd think, with how pathetic I am, especially with all these attempts that idiotic thin thread would've already snapped.
No.
Do you know what made it snap? [M/D] and [D/D]. (The second D- stands for darling)
The pair were everyone's obsession.
[M/D], Bruce Wayne's one true love, if this hasn't been obvious my mother was a fling/rebound of Mr. Wayne. [M/D], beautiful, kind, and the object in the family's eyes. It's quite sad if anything, she's like a caged bird.
[D/D], younger than Damian.
Oh, I haven't given you the age scale from oldest to youngest.
Dick and Barbara are the same age, being the oldest
Jason
Tim, Stephanie, and Cassandra
Me
Duke
Damian
[D/D]
Out of these many children. Three are blood-related with Bruce Wayne, Me, Damian, and [D/D].
I'm getting off track.
[D/D], adored, so small you'd want to keep her in your pocket.
One thing was clear about these two. They were everything to the Wayne family.
That's when the string broke.
They came probably by force and hated the very thing I wanted, attention, and love.
I wish I could say I hate them, as they were parallel to me and my mother.
My mother, who was the other woman.
My mother, who never held a grudge.
My mother, who died in a cold, dark room.
My mother, who could never see what type of person I am today.
But I couldn't hate them. I can't. They were the only other ones who gave me that family bond that wanted for so long.
It didn't help that they seemed to deem me to be the favorite. [M/D] loved to be my 'mother' and in her eyes, I was her favorite child, of course behind [D/D] since I was normal compared to them.
[D/D] If I'm near her, maybe grabbing a snack while the family is having 'family game night' she'd somehow spot me, giving that puppy-eyed look, pulling me to join them.
I would, if it's not for the way I would feel these eyes boring on me.
'Why do you have to be here, why are you ruining the moment, who are you?'
I'd pull my hand away, shaking my head, patting her hair, before making it back to the dim, dark hallway, so empty, that you could hear each echo of the step.
As I sit here complaining, at least today's, the day. I'm officially 18.
That's right. 18 years of age and everything I just wrote down has been a recap of my life.
This is my 14th journal. For each year that I've been in the manor, I had a journal, that captured each year of my life, from my emo phase to my popular phase, and now here, the year I graduate, the year that I officially move out.
My first journal was a composition journal, Alfred had no idea what I would like, everyone else was busy according to him, he gave me this journal and told me to write everything I felt, and nobody would ever see it. It's stained definitely. My first-ever entry was: "I wish I got a pet to keep me company, at least that would be better than this stupid silence."
Okay, so maybe there were a lot of spelling mistakes. I don't need to write it down. Even trying to decipher that whole sentence was hard. Not the point I would lose interest every few months before coming back to it. Then it became a hobby. It's very important to me.
I graduated yesterday, too bad nobody was there. Alfred was too busy to come to celebrate it, since graduations are long and take a while, his job came first before anything. Today is my birthday, it's a joke if anything. The day before my graduation is my birthday. I bought this journal yesterday as a little celebration gift and to me in general to celebrate my birthday.
That should be all for my entry.
Yours truly,
[Name] [Last Name]
-
Standing up I glance at my bookshelf filled with different genres of books, split into non-fiction and fiction. Journals filled with information from books, facts that mattered, and scenes that hit me deeply.
Junk journals, bullet journals, and the sheld that mattered the most to me.
My personal journals. 15 journals including the one that I was holding my hand.
A knock broke my thoughts, I slipped the journal I had in my hand onto the shelf before opening the door.
"Happy birthday, young master. I made a cupcake batch for you. Even an edible candle." He held cupcakes to me arranged so delicately with a candle on the center cupcake.
I'm going to miss him so much when I leave. So much so that I didn't even notice the tears slipping from my eyes.
"Oh dear, young master, I'm so sorry that I missed your graduation yesterday, and of course, the others wanted to be there- they were-"
"No, it's not that Alfred- Thank you so much, for everything." I engulfed him in a hug. Something I hadn't done since I was a child.
He held me and consoled me before leaving as it seemed [D/D] had adopted another feral animal or something like that.
I smiled and nodded at him when he apologized for having to go, shaking my head in understanding.
I looked over everything in my room. I would leave everything behind, including my journals. Even the newly bought one. If I was going to leave. I wanted to at least have something that showed.
I existed.
I would leave without a trace that I had left in the first place. And even leaving all these books here, I'm sure you couldn't even tell this would be a room without the bed, just some library with random entries from this random room.
Like a coward, I'll leave a letter for Alfred. For him, and only him.
With that, I bid the manor goodbye. With whatever presents I had anyway.
Also if this is cringy, just let me be delusional and believe that I ate this shit up.
Kind of new to how to format on Tumblr, and how to make posts pretty.
Anyway I wrote this with Grammarly so if you see any mistakes with the writing, I say "boo"
Hoped you enjoyed, bc I'm brewing up the next part... and also how to make a masterlist and all that jazz.
#yandere batfamily#platonic batfam#platonic yandere damian wayne#platonic yandere batfam#yandere batfamily x reader#yandere batfam x reader
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