#(which just makes me feel more bad about my hypersexuality if anything)

[pnsge]

"unrequited_love.png"

[shifuaang]

My friend @the-velvet-worm made such a good point about Chaggie earlier that I feel like it needs to be shared. Her quote: "It's not lost on me that they're not hypersexual like a lot of more popular f/f ships, and no, there's nothing wrong with being into something because there's palpable sexual tension, but I feel like a lot of it is fetishizers being unable to fetishize it?"

EXACTLY.

Chaggie is the least fetishized wlw ship I've seen on any show. It feels like it's constructed from the female gaze because it is, for once. The writing even makes fun of and paints Adam in the wrong for being crass about their relationship and using it as fodder for his own nasty fantasies.

And it's not like Chaggie are chaste. They sleep in the same bed, it's implied that they have sex, and they are very physically affectionate with each other, but because Hazbin isn't showing full-on porn of them, the fandom says they have 'no chemistry.'

I also think there's this cognitive dissonance in the fandom where Hazbin isn't afraid to push the envelope in a lot of ways, and kinks and sex and all types of debauchery are mentioned and depicted all of the time, so they are expecting that out of Chaggie as well. BUT! part of the point is that this relationship is subversive for Hell and for the show in general, which is what makes it so good in my opinion.

It's crazy that people would think that Hazbin writers/animators are "too scared" to do anything controversial with Vaggie and Charlie's relationship when we've seen first-hand that practically nothing is off the table when it comes to this show. That just seems like a bad faith reading of the way Hazbin is portraying its bigger themes of forgiveness/redemption and where the characters have come from with Chaggie. Just because you don’t personally enjoy their dynamic doesn't mean that it's 'bad' or 'poorly written'.

[akirayuri]

Himeno and himeaki: a rant

I've noticed a lot of people don't really like Himeno and one of the reasons being her apparent romantic attraction to Aki ( and also other than the fact that she almost slept with Denji ) and lmao I do get the hate to some degree but sometimes it feels lowkey forced. And that's why the relationship she shares with Aki kinda gets misinterpreted or it get's watered down to a 'oh he is hot I want to fuck him'

So I just kinda wanna yap my interpretation of their relationship cuz it's not just a typical one sided hetero relationship, it has a lot of layers to it.

For one, I do think what Himeno feels for Aki is more of a personification of her idea of being remembered and mourned. Until Aki came Himeno had a number of partners and subordinates simply dying on her, and it's a very prominent part of her character; watching the people she worked with die. As Kishibe says, Public safety devil hunters have to have a few screws loose and as I say it, you got to have thick skin. The idea of having a 'few screws loose ' including lacking empathy over time which means you don't mourn the death of your comrades.

But Himeno is normal. A country mouse sticking to the city mouse ( Aki ) for his company when she would rather live in the quiet countryside instead. Here there is a lot of parallel between Angel devil and Himeno as they both longed to stay by Aki's side which inevitably brought their doom.

And back to the topic of mourning, I think the idea of being forgotten, so replaceable and discarded into the past had scared Himeno. Deep down she was scared of being consumed by the oblivion that is the apathetic and replaceable management system of public safety. No one would remember her, no one would cry for her. When she probably cried over her drink late at night.

But then Aki happened.

What she loved was his empathy and the ability to feel so profoundly for other people. She wanted that. She carved that. He wore his heart on his sleeves and she was Hungry to take a bite of it. It is selfish, kind of twisted and so uncharacteristically none sexual of Himeno.

She loves Aki but I think it's more of a, "cry me a river and I will gladly hang myself for you" kind. Her tendency to have sex with anything that moves has no effect on her relationship with Aki nor the feelings she feels for him. It's beyond that.

Though I do think her habit of having sex with almost everyone is more of a bad coping mechanism than anything. Just like Aki, she didn't get to process her grief correctly. And unlike Aki, she can't cry.

Here is a bit of parallel she has with Denji of all people with their hypersexuality and the questionable methods of having and viewing sex. Also in that scene when she makes a deal with Denji with the, "you take Makima and I take Aki". For both of them, their person of affection was someone untenable and unreachable, someone who probably didn't return their feelings.

But what Himeno was wrong about Aki not Loving her back.

Yeah maybe he doesn't love her like the way she wanted him to love. He never viewed her as a lover or someone he can have sex with ( I do have a doubt they must've hooked up at some point or Himeno at least tried something very dubious consent with Aki at some point. ). But Aki cared. And He cared deeply. So much so Himeno basically starts to haunt the narrative from this point on lol.

I don't really hate Himeno, far from it. She's so interesting I would love to put her under a microscope and analysis from where that wrecky thought process of her comes from. She's my yaoi girl. What a little freak.

Their relationship is so Yuri coded I don't even count them as a straight ship lmao

But besides anything, my favourite genre of himeaki is bisexual disaster Himeno × gay/asexual Aki queer platonic partners from hell.

[enixamyram]

I have tried really hard to ignore anti nonsense. I just wanna focus on the good and positive side of this fandom and just enjoy the series in general. But it's also hard bottling up thoughts when I'm used to ranting for the sake of getting my thoughts and feelings out and moving then on.

So I'm gonna put a couple reactions to Anti-Related Hazbin things under the read more just to get them out! Because my god, some of these are bullshit!

Chaggie - I've seen so much bullshit citicizm for this ship. People claiming they're boring or bland or badly written and I have yet to see a legit reason why other than that they don't have any typical relationship drama (which, for the record, I personally am so relieved about) or because they're not being overly affectionate every five minutes of screen time. And you know, this especially drives me crazy because they have some of the sweetest little gestures, whether it be holding hands, hugging, swinging each other round or even just the constant damn heart eyes they have when looking at each other in the background! They're so damn precious and if you can't see that, you don't know what a legit established relationship is supposed to be past the honeymoon phase.

Charlie - People once again have claimed she's badly written. I don't know why people seem to hate happy kind hearted females so much but I have seen this exact complaint about many characters who are similar to her. None of which are actually badly written. They're just not the new stereotype "bad asses" that seems to be the only acceptable way to write a female character lately. Which is ironic since a lot of the so called "bad ass" female characters I have seen are often so one dimensional. Yet we have Charlie, a kind hearted but also sometimes naive girl who is doing her best while also learning with the rest of her friends and ya'll are gonna try and claim she's not amazing? The more I rewatch the show, the more I wanna reschedule my favorite character list because there's not a second I don't adore having her on my screen.

Niffty - This one really makes me want to slam my head against the wall. I have seen so many people complain and claim she acts like a child. Bare in mind, I've just watched episode 3 - you know, the one where Niffty is fully ready to throw herself into the BDSM that Angel takes them to. The only thing close to evidence that I have seen for her acting like a child is the episode where she gets drunk except she's still not acting like a child there, she's acting like a drunk! When some people are drunk they're silly and dumb and very "child-like". Otherwise, the only reason I think people call her a child is because she's is literally small like one. Yet, if you actually look at anything past her basic physical appearance, she's a crazy murder machine and I don't know many children I can also give that title to.

Angel - This is so old and everyone else has said this all so much better than me but I just really want to repeat: Just because it's not YOUR representation doesn't mean it's BAD representation. Just because you dealt with your sexual assault in a certain way does not mean everyone deals with it that way and it sure as hell doesn't give you a right to dismiss others. I have seen so many people say they identify with Angel's character and his hypersexuality, so it is so annoyingly arrogant to see people trying to shut them down entirely because Angel's character isn't portraying their personal reactions. It's just so amazingly self-centered to be saying that if you can't personally relate to it exactly, then it shouldn't exist at all. Seriously, grow the fuck up.

Loser Baby/Poison - Again, this has been said so many times before by other people but I'm gonna add/repeat. Some people take these songs and videos so damn literally. I saw someone claim Angel was happy during his dance with Valentino in Poison which apparently made the whole character a contradiction? Completely ignoring the parts where he's clearly miserable or the part where he's clearly putting on a fake smile or even the part where he all out says he dissociates to get through. And then you have Loser Baby where people are outraged that Husk call Angel a loser and is apparently trying to compare their situations? I mean, he's obviously not saying they're situations are the same if you think about it for more than two seconds. Like, are you seriously this literal? If I said the message went over your head, would ya'll look up?

[istansamwilsonbish]

I have returned to this blog to Yap about the boys....No I'm not gonna make sense. Mind the tags♡

Now that I've had hours to think on it.....Hughie should have actually fought with Annie in the Finale. No, not a fist fight or a breakup. But there should have been WAY more pushback from Hughie. And the fact there wasn't.....Is lowkey upsetting to me.

For one: Yes, I don't really care for Annie. Never really have, never really will. She's not my cup of tea. But this post ISN'T about bashing her. I think that Annie's lashing out makes complete sense. She's been kidnapped and was tortured for ten days. Shifter literally used the fact that Hughie proposed and she fucked him to torment her. I don't dislike Annie's reaction because it does make sense in that moment.

I dislike Hughie's reaction.

Hughie has been taking life like a champ this season. He seems to handle everything with grace. That's not a bad thing but everyone has their breaking point. And this feels like, from a narrative standpoint, should have been Hughie's. Within less than a month, Hughie had to deal with his family Trauma, killing his dad, having his personal business exposed(With the abortion, it is MORE of Annie's personal business. But Hughie was the father of that child, and they seemed to be in it together. It won't be as bad for Hughie, but of course, he felt something.), being sexually assaulted by Ashley and Tek, Almost being murder by Tek and threatened with more sexual assault. That's a lot! Now he found out that he was sexually assaulted again and his girlfriend was locked up who's know where for a week!

That's not mentioning that Hughie was also showing signs of a Trauma response. Hughie mentions constantly having sex with Shifter but Shifter initiated. Despite that, I read this more as Hughie being hypersexual in order to ignore his issues. Shifter initiating just made it easier on Hughie so he didn't have to do it himself. Which is a thing some people do in order to not get called out on that behavior.

After realizing that his Girlfriend has been replaced and he almost died(again), He gets to talk to Annie again. Annie snaps at him and Hughie defends himself a bit but goes into this whole tangent about how he also knew Shifter wasn't Annie? Or how he figured it out in the end? What?

For one, I don't really know what this information would do for Annie. Like I guess it would show how much Hughie loves the small things about her? But within this moment it feels like a nothing burger to me. For two, Hughie has every right to be straight up and actually defend himself. Like what the fuck did Annie expect him to do? Lashing out at him isn't fair because neither of them did anything wrong. And if not that, Hughie should have just left completely with an explanation that being a punching bag for Annie in this moment helps neither of them. Annie isn't in a good state of mind so she's not gonna care about Hughie's feelings. But that doesn't mean Hughie can't protect his own.

But they just completely skip over that with an "Lmaoooo Mens do like the Smexy sexy time! But he likes all the little things about her lol". Then they follow it up with Annie not apologizing. No. That wasn't an actual apology. Lowkey saying that you would still fuck someone and not breaking up with them, ISN'T an apology. She might have done it off screen because they go on to being cool by the end of the finale. So I'll give her that.

All of this just combines to a narrative that doesn't take men's mental health or assault seriously. Hughie should be a loving boyfriend, but it's perfectly fine for him to set boundaries and not be punched down on. This all gets worse because we saw the effects of Deeps' assault on Annie. It was a part of her development and treated pretty seriously. But when it's Hughie.....It's treated like a joke or a nonissue.

[thescaryhyperfem]

Trigger Warning for: Grooming, Porn Addiction, Sexual Themes

Okay, so, here's my Roblox ARG idea. It's based off my own experiences with my addictions and such.

Read under cut. Note that it might be a bad so, give me feedback if you want. :)

A player is making a video for YouTube, about them finding a very inappropriate game (eg. "Sus girl" games) on Roblox . They say that they found this game, and they start playing it. The game starts with the player interacting with a female character, rather known as a "R//63". Each time they interacted with the character, it would take them a new scene, like a story. The player ends the video before anything inappropriate actually happens.

The next video or so, the player is back in the game. But, something is different. The female character seems to be mad at the player for "leaving so soon". The player apologizes to her through chat, with no response. This made the player guilty, but they just continued their journey. The game got more and more in touch with sexual themes as it went on, which is never shown in the videos uploaded, it would only show a black screen. The player would add notes to these parts of the videos, describing what they were seeing and how they felt about it.

As the videos progress, we can see that the player was becoming more and more obsessed with this game. It would ride him into skipping school and important dates. In the videos, he says he doesn't want to leave the games because they "made him feel good" and that he didn't want to leave the female character as she would get mad at him everytime he left without notice. His family was starting to get worried about him, trying to get him to go to a therapist, but he wouldn't listen.

Until, one day. The game had been banned. There was no female character anymore.

The player was devastated, he would go on a mental breakdown. It was all so shocking to him. He felt like he wouldn't be able to feel good again. Until, he stumbled upon more games. More. And more. He played them all. Scene after scene. Information after information. Ban after ban. The next few videos would be about him descending into a lustful madness, without realizing what was going on wasn't good for him.

Then, one morning, the player had stopped posting on YouTube.

Silence. Nothing... Until they posted again. It's them in the future, talking about why they had stopped posting. They had been through several therapy sessions, saying he had been going through "porn addiction" and "hypersexuality". He was feeling much better than when he was before.

But then, he opens Roblox. He scrolls down, seeing more of those games he had seen before. Those who caused damage to him. That same female character, was there. Calling for him.

He clicks the game, and the video ends.

***

The end. I hope you enjoyed my idea! I might change this after a while, idk.

BTW if you do wanna turn this into a real ARG please tell me! Thanks. Bye!

[thistlecatfics]

Okay, I want your opinion/meta on Sirius and Regulus' relationship. I I am so bad for them, BADD I ship them so much but it's impossible not to given the potential for angst, repressed sexual tension and shekspiarian tinged love that overflows their ship. I read your fanfic of them inspired by Taylor's song and it was very well done, I was very grateful to have found it, however I'm very interested to know your opinion given how unpopular this ship is.

Hello hello!

I started writing, and I realized I could write about these two forever whoops. This is going to a bit scattered, and hopefully I'll just keep adding to it.

Obvious content warnings for incest and underage! (though nothing is explicitly described here)

I don’t think this ship is unpopular at all! Looking at otp:true fics, the Sirius ships in order are: 1) Sirius/Remus, 2) Sirius/James, 3) Sirius/Snape, 4) Sirius/Hermione, 5) Sirius/Harry, 6) Sirius/Regulus. For Regulus it goes: 1) Regulus/James, 2) Regulus/Sirius. For an incest ship, that feels very high. 

They are so captivating! 

"I hated the lot of them: my parents with their pure-blood mania, convinced that to be a Black made you practically royal... my idiot brother, soft enough to believe them... that's him. He was younger than me, and a much better son, as I was constantly reminded."

My idiot brother, soft enough to believe them! “Soft enough!” What a way to describe your brother. Sirius can be so cruel in his words when he wants to be but calling him ‘soft’?? There’s so much tenderness there even when he’s trying to be defended about it. 

I have a number of different versions of them in my head, given that I’m not engaging in a critical reading of the text with regard to their relationship and more of the fact that I’m an incest survivor who has projected onto them as needed throughout the past twenty years. I like canon compliance and being rooted in the text, but I also recognize that most of my impressions of them are more about me and less about the text. 

I love many different versions, but I will say I cannot stand the newly popular fanon (especially in Jegulus circles) where Regulus wants to leave but nobly sacrifices himself to stay and be the heir so Sirius is able to leave the family. 

Regulus and Sirius love each other more than anything. Sirius builds into the core of his identity that he is Regulus’s protector. (When Regulus rejects that protection, he is crushed.) Regulus builds into the core of his identity that he and Sirius are one unit, a soul in two bodies. (When Sirius builds an autonomous identity outside of the family, he is crushed.) They are never quite able to forgive the other (because they are never quite able to forgive themselves for needing the other so much.) 

Here are a few contradictory thoughts and headcanons and ideas: 

Regulus is Walburga’s golden child, and it’s not uncommon for the golden child to be the one who is sexually abused while the scapegoat is physically and emotionally abused. The intimacy of sexual abuse as a marker of goodness and specialness within the abusive family system.  

Regulus is the initiator. The hypersexual kid. His mother uses him to make herself feel good, and Regulus wants to do the same for Sirius, because his mother loves him, and he loves Sirius, and that’s what you do when you love someone so much. 

And Sirius resists… just long enough that he can tell himself he resisted. 

And Sirius steals wine from the adults to share with Regulus so he has something to blame for giving into his desires again and again. 

As he gets older and spends more time with the Potters and in Gryffindor, his behavior with Regulus becomes something he associates with the awfulness of his family which he is trying desperately to reject. 

Regulus tries to initiate. Sirius is quite cruel in his rejection. 

(He returns to Regulus’s bedroom later that night, and he is cruel in how he embraces Regulus, but Regulus is thrilled to be used.) 

Sirius runs away, and Regulus can’t forgive him. Sirius has sex with random older men in Hogsmeade and keeps saying Regulus’s name. Regulus starves himself Seeker-skinny and that’s something to focus on, a disciplining of his desires. 

Then, maybe that’s it for them. Or maybe they come together in the castle by random happenstance or at a wedding of some politically neutral pureblood family, and they both carry too much hurt and a family legacy of cruelty, and they have sex to try to punish themselves and punish the other, and then that’s it for them, because Regulus dies and doesn’t tell Sirius when he defects. They each know that they love the other, but they can't believe that they themselves are loved.

Or maybe, Sirius is the initiator. He holds enough power over Regulus by age and by status of being the heir and by size that it can’t be considered anything other than abuse. Regulus can’t say no to Sirius. Sirius as bully, Sirius as predator. At Hogwarts, this behavior extends to Snape, and Regulus and Snape find each other as two boys who love/hate/desire/fear Sirius. 

Or maybe, the sexual intimacy feels like a natural evolution of their intimacy. Two very sheltered boys growing up in a scary house together which is entirely unsuitable for children. Their emotional worlds only consist of each other, and they sleep in each other’s beds, and the boundaries between one body and another feel impossibly thin. When Sirius is sorted into Gryffindor, it feels like the first tear in their interwoven body. Their sexual behavior towards each other exists as something innocent which can't survive in the real world of an impending war.

I'm feral for these two in every universe <3

My Regulus/Sirius fics: 

what if he's written "Mine" on my upper thigh only in my mind? (1k, after Sirius runs away)

Duty (2k, Regulus Black character study)

My writing on incest and being an incest survivor:

Talking about Incest in Public

[mysteryflavorsoda]

Rurik Liderc and the stereotype of the broken (but sexy) anti-hero

(and how it makes him worse as a character)

Heyy, I'm back, kind of! This is my first actual rant, so I'm sorry if it's a bit boring or confusing. Feel free to ask me anything! This is just something that I've always had looming in the back of my mind, and I really want to talk about it. 

In October 2005, Pop Punk band Green Day released their seventh studio album, American Idiot. It follows the life of the central character, Jesus Of Suburbia, a middle-lower-class all-American teen who hates his town and pretty much everything. He's pretentious, a rebel, angsty; a faithless, working-class man who hates the system he's placed in, screaming for the rebels living in post-2000s America. It comes as no surprise, then, that @angeutblogo's Lasser would inspire her iconic character, Rurik Lidérc, off the song that describes this main character.

As the years went by, Rurik gained more and more traits, hobbies, a story, friends, and of course, multiple lovers. As it is today, you could call him a multifaceted character- I'm here to say that this perhaps might've been his downfall, too. As it stands, Rurik is a badly constructed character, where new information contradicts old information and traits that are not in line with the logic set upon him initially are imposed. It seems that the creators try and stuff him to the brim with different exciting ideas, but ultimately end up getting a messy clump of characteristics that results in many users having to redefine him with headcannons and rereadings, myself included, because he ends up being so confusing.

First, Rurik being a US Army veteran is one of the biggest pillars in his personality. Although not a lot of information is revealed about that part of his life specifically and the effects it had on him, we can deduce that it greatly affected him in more than one way, changing him fundamentally; PTSD. A prime example is that Lasser has stated that he has an aversion to loud noises, such as fireworks and thunder, but then proceeds to state that it only makes him have a minimal response of being "more alert". How can he be fundamentally changed as a person due to trauma and still only suffer minor damage? Are the creators afraid of making a character that's fully and realistically traumatized by war because it would compromise his appealing "sexy bad boy" nature? But then, that very nature is driven forward by the very fact that he's traumatized, that he's "angsty". It just confuses me how posts speaking of his trauma are immediately followed by posts describing his kinks and hypersexuality, and descriptions of his mental state are switched out for retellings of future events where "everything is all right finally", not bothering to make him go through the process of recovery, and research of trauma responses or toxic relationships is traded for discussions of what motorbike he has. It almost seems like the creators want him to be many different things that cancel each other out.

Thus, this contradiction leads us to the next point: Dante and Rurik have an open relationship, despite Rurik being shown to be possessive and emotionally immature. Rurik is, in simple terms, a manchild at times, stalking Dante when he feels like it, being insecure, and being sad by small things Dante says, in addition to threatening his exes. Those are toxic, insecure behaviours, of course, but it gets brushed off as "oh, but it ends in them sexually punishing each other" (going into how their relationship is sexualized, but that's a topic for another day), which in itself is contradicting because it's written to be a healthy relationship that's good for the both of them. And yet, we get bombarded with recounts of Dante being toxic to Rurik and vice-versa. He's also said to get extremely uncomfortable when Dante flirts with other women because he "can't compare", so how on earth could they have an open relationship without constant interventions and fights?

I believe that, if Rurik is insecure, it would naturally cause him to believe that Dante is replacing him if he flirted with another person. This is because he has a fragile ego, and people like him tend to fall into that insecurity (speaking out of experience and my interest in human psychology), and it would lead to constant fights, doubts, manipulation, and overall a bona fide toxic couple. Perhaps even worse than Lurik, as Dante is constantly described as psychopathic and manipulative, even to Rurik himself. They're shown to kind of fix everything with sex and "punishments", downplaying the other's insecurities and genuine feelings and promoting unhealthy dynamics. Rurik is not written to be someone who could have an open relationship that would be fair to himself and Dante, and yet, they push on, because of course they do; they are entirely centred around having sex, after all.

So, where am I going with all this? In all the glamourized media that we see, there's a strong tendency to try and make perfect characters. Rurik Lidérc is broken, angsty, insecure, and repressed, but that doesn't get in his way at all! All he wants is sex, drugs, and rock and roll. He reminds me of James Hurley from Twin Peaks: his conflict can be so well-explored, his trauma could be so fleshed out and the effects of trauma on the human mind could have given us a beautiful story of redemption, of growth, of understanding. But God, he just keeps making out with Donna all the damn time, and the camera always focuses on him like he's in a Playboy magazine. The realism, the beauty, the relatability- it's all sacrificed for middle schoolers to ogle at him and go "Wow, he's so misunderstood! I could fix him!". But that comes at the cost of a character that has the full potential to be truly amazing, as I've seen with my friends in the fandom.

When you look at Rurik Lidérc, he comes across as well-researched because he's traumatized, but it doesn't take long before you realize that that's quite a far-fetched idea. It seems like he's just a list of ideas and randomness that no one bothers to organize, and that deeply saddens me because I've seen the interesting directions he could be taken in, and I just wish the love and care put into this character also shined through through the creators.

[simpjaes]

60 [milf hunt] 61 [prp] 62 [serial sweetheart] 63 [night/day shift] 64 [frenzy 1+2] 65 [hypersexual + first date etiquette] 66 [one of the damned girls]

pls + ty 🩷

60.) What inspired the plot for MILF HUNT? the fic still isn't finished yet and im SO SORRY FOR THAT but basically just the idea of jay wanting to be both daddy and an actual dad. i need to write him as a toxic service top so bad 61.) In PLAYER RANK: PLATINUM, what's your favorite scene that you wrote? if you want the honest truth, it was all the side stuff with the rest of hyung line. if there's anything i love in a fic, it's giving the side characters an insane amount of time to shine. in player rank tho, i did cut down quite a bit. i think the fic was actually closer to 40k when i finished it but i removed a lot. some ppl might note that in my other fics with side characters too, i always make them a borderline love interest too :| outside of that, it's when reader is humping heeseung's pillow and he walks in like "omg ur so gross for doing that" 62.) In SERIAL SWEETHEART, was there a deleted scene/idea that you wish you could have included? why did you cut it? well, serial sweetheart was a revamp and actually, nothing was cut out of that one. this question would be WELL suited for paid in&paid off or frenzy tho like omg....the shit i cut out of those LMFAO 63.) What was the hardest part of writing NIGHT SHIFT/DAY SHIFT? probably the first part was the most difficult for me to accept. i still can't stand that part of the fic bc i wrote it as a drabble and decided to call it a fic. it's not really up to my personal standards but i feel like it's okay when paired with the second part [day-shift] which I put a lot more thought and effort into!!! 64.) if you re-wrote FRENZY now, would you change anything? well, firstly, pls know that i love the fic as is and it's one of the first fics i've ever truly loved after finishing it. I put my SOUL into that shit. but...yeah...i would change a lot. i played with a lot of ideas in that fic, including noncon involving stalker jake, there was even a scene i wrote in full that was deleted of him literally killing reader's ex boyfriend. there likely would have been more cameras, blood, insane behavior, and probably a bit of love induced murder involved if i were to re-write it now with a comfortable place to post it. not everyone can appreciate this type of writing though :/ 65.) If you wrote a sequel to HYPER SEXUAL and FIRST DATE ETIQUETTE, what would happen in it? hyper-sexual is getting a sequal so i will remain silent on that outside of letting you know there's free-use and somnophilia. as for first date etiquette...well, they're basically dating by the end of it so a sequel would likely be boring to write tbh. just a boyfriend and his girlfriend having weird sex atp, but i guess a cool plot point would be reader's parent's finding out that sunghoon is a slut and hating his guts lol 66.) What's a fun fact about ONE OF THE DAMNED GIRLS? jungwon was supposed to die but i wrote him as such a beloved character that i couldn't do it :|

[miasmaghoul]

HELLOOOO

okay so

I have an unusual question

I recently discovered my passion for writing, I've been inspired by a friend of mine and a bunch of blogs here on tumblr (including yours <3)

and now I'm trying to write smut for the first time and I feel like... embarrassed about it (?)

sooo, feel free to ignore but I wanted to ask: do you have any smut-writing-tip for rookies like me?

(forgive my poor english, pls)

First off, CONGRATULATIONS ON FINDING A NEW PASSION!!! That's a fantastic feeling. ♡

I know just what you mean about feeling wiggly about writing smut. I don't know a single writer who DIDN'T have this experience when they first wrote filth! There is a shockingly vast distance between having filthy ideas and actually typing them out. I assure you that this is perfectly normal!

Before I give my advice, please let me say that I am in no way a professional writer, so your mileage may vary here. This is what worked for my hypersexual ND brain back when I first started doing this at the tender age of [REDACTED]

My advice is this: start simple. (18+ under the cut)

Don't try to go all in during your first smut adventure - not everything needs to be an intense, intricate bondage scene featuring medieval torture equipment and a mustachioed man called Hamish. Choose something uncomplicated and more natural for your first time out - a max of two people, a simple act (i.e., a handjob) or acts (i.e., making out and mutual masturbation) and an easy to describe setting.

Next, don't worry about making it good in your first draft. Use that time to lay out the scene (x crawls into bed and y joins them, spooning up against their back) and setting up the bare bones of the events (y kisses x's shoulder and neck, reaches between their legs, uses their hand to get x off). Once you've done that, you can start describing things.

It's probably gonna one of two ways - clinical or over the top.

Clinical generally means that you're too literal and precise with your descriptions. For example:

Rain reached down and took Dew's cock in his hand. He stroked it from base to tip, over and over. He sped up once Dew started moaning and felt his own cock hardening as well. He worked Dew's cock until Dew came all over his hand and then grabbed his own cock to do the same.

See? Clinical. It gets the job done in terms of relaying information, but there's no emotion behind the words. No sound, no movement, no life. Things that I, personally, believe a sex scene needs in order to feel believable and real.

The opposite of this is the over the top sex scene. Think of this like watching really bad porn. The kind where people moan like they're about to cum when someone touches their arm, y'know what I mean? Tons of moaning and writhing and too much response to the slightest stimulation. Don't get me wrong, there's certainly a time and place for Dew jizzing himself over Rain licking his neck, but if your whole scene is set up like that it, I personally believe it becomes Too Much.

Ideally, I think, you want to strike a balance between these two things. You want to explain what's happening, but use language and descriptors that are more intimate and sensual. Which brings me to my third point - try to figure out the words and phrasing you're comfortable using before you really get into writing anything. If you don't like the way the words feel, don't use them! That alone can help make things easier to write. (As an example, outside of very specific circumstances, I hate using the word "pussy" and will avoid writing it!)

Perhaps my biggest tip is being very confident in your characters before you make 'em fuck. In my opinion. A bad/boring sex scene is one where the characters feel interchangeable. Think of it like this: a scene with Aether giving Swiss a blowjob should not be able to be read as a scene with Rain giving Dew a blowjob instead. It should feel unique, however you choose to make that happen.

Last bit of advice is probably the most obvious one: practice. Practice practice practice. Something sounds hot in your head? Write that shit down. Stick it in your notes app, even if it's just a few words. Practice by putting little scenes together in your head and then transcribing what's happening in them. Watch something erotic and think about how you would write that scene. Think of it like exposure therapy - the more you create smut, the less ashamed you'll be about it!

I will say it also helps to have a smut writer/enjoyer friend (or friends!) to bounce ideas off of, or to ask for advice. If you're planning to be active in the Ghost fandom, I can tell you that every single writer and artist I've interacted with here has been incredibly kind and welcoming. Don't be afraid to reach out!

This got so long lmao SORRYYYY

[namtanlovesfilm]

Why do you think cooking crush kinda flopped? OG are still pretty popular no? Or is it that the show is kinda basic, like something we’ve seen before? I also don’t remember seeing too much promotion but maybe I just missed it.

Also did u see off and gun saying they want to be doing what they’re doing now 10 years from now? I think that’s a good indicator that a “break up” isn’t on the way :)

I'm actually thinking of making a video on the topic on my channel lol, but to summarize I think there's so many elements:

1) cooking crush is a more basic show, and those tend to gather success only if they have a new ship attached to them that gathered attention (ex: 2gether, msp, etc.) also I think the trailers & promos did a bad job hooking people onto it.

2) the bl genre is now saturated. if cooking crush was released in 2019 or 2020 it would've been huge simply for having offgun's name attached to it. but now there's 100+ bl shows released every year, and statistically only like 5-10% will be a huge success.

3) offgun were never a "viral" ship. off mentioned it himself in an interview, and it's definitely what has kept them together for 8+ years, but it also means they've never had the kind of hype attached to them brightwin, fourthgemini or even kristsingto have had.

4) offgun are the oldest thai bl ship still together, so in this highly saturated bl market where there's a new ship popping up quite literally every week, they're likely seen as old & has-been by many. bc of their age they're also unlikely to touch new younger audiences of bl, which are the most outspoken & passionate types of fans. 14 years old are more likely to stan the 18/19 years old at gmmtv instead of the 30+ grown ass men for sure. also, even if that seems sad & mean to say, in this current bl economy, I feel like fans get tired of seeing the same faces for so long, which is why now the lasting of ships is shorter & shorter and just used to launch a solo career.

5) the marketing. imo the biggest issue is the show in itself that doesn't meet the demands of the bl fandom at the moment (either innovative or at least hypersexual shows, apart for the new ships having basic shows exception that I talked about (and that works only at gmmtv too)), but the marketing could've definitely helped. imo they should've added a lot more fanservice in the trailer to hook the fetishizing fans in if they wanted more viewers. the social media marketing was also quite poor but not the actual worst.

however, even though cooking crush "flopped" in terms of being a gmmtv show & an offgun show, imo it was successful in its own way. it still trended number 1 on X every week if that still means anything, and it was also a very good show. like... not every show can be life-changing, in fact romcoms very rarely are. the show did what it set out to do & was well executed until the end, which for me is a success in itself. so flop? maybe not. success? maybe not either lol.

and yes, off has been talking about babiis sticking with him for 30 more years back in 2019, so we still have a good few decades ahead :) what I do really want to see from offgun is a new innovative show from them bc atp this is the only thing that will be a success (and their age & experience will still likely be a baggage in our hyperconsumerist bl market). I'm even less confident that the trainee will even get as much attention as cooking crush did, so what I want to see is a show where offgun are dads navigating being queer parents, or as I said before a dark psychological thriller. not only could they pull it off, but they would absolutely BODY a more heavy show with more innovative aspects. bc atm cooking crush & the trainee are only catering to their fanbase, gmmtv's & the rare ones who enjoy more basic romcoms. they need something so uncommon & original it will rally the bl fandom behind them, bc sadly atp their name alone will not do it. however, I'm not confident in gmmtv at all, especially since they have 15 other ships they gotta give shows to. the dad show, though? if it ever happens, it NEEDS to be offgun 100000%!!!

xxx

[botanikos]

I haven't found a very articulate way of putting any of this, so bear with me if it seems chaotic. Much of what I'm about to talk about is very canon/in alignment with what we know and come to learn about Stolas, especially with The Full Moon & Apology Tour, but I am also going into length because of the relevance this all has with my portrayal at times. Apologies if you choose to read this and find it an absolute fucking MESS because I will do a lot of jumping and back-tracking.

This post also acts as a sort of "Do not ask me who I blame, I will point both fingers at Stolas and Blitz respectively. It takes two to Tango." Neither of them is exempt from the hurtful things they said and did. I said what I said.

I mentioned a while back and in my rules that this blog would include an exploration of emotional themes, including depression and anxiety. And yes, I will discuss and explore the abuse from Stella on occasion too. That being said, I want to take a minute and just let it really sink in that the Stolas we first come to know is such an actor, a (sometimes unwilling) participant in his very own play (life). He thrives in the theatrics he puts on and the telenovelas he watches because they are how he processes and copes.

Is Stolas a hypersexual innuendo slinging, touch-starved, love-bombing, thespian bird-nerd? Absolutely. That's who he is to the very heart and core (and more, but that isn't the point here). But I also think these elements are what he puts forward as a sort of armor. He makes sweeping motions and behaves a certain way to appear perfectly well kept and a little obnoxious. If it looks intentional, no one can/will know the truth. And that truth is that he is hurting. He is falling apart. Has been for some time, and especially is after The Full Moon & Apology Tour episodes. The truth is: he is either not enough, or is always far too much.

Now, reiterating that Stolas has A LOT to unpack, unlearn, and understand about his own actions and internalized conceptions. He has done a great deal of harm to Blitz and likely countless others, even if he didn't realize it at the time.

But in The Full Moon during WHEN I SEE HIM, Stolas literally mentions how nervous he is and that anything else is literally a disguise.

"I'll believe him and not the voice that says I'm not enough."

He actively begins to panic upon the realization that his medication is out. Stolas climbs into the refrigerator and says "I'll fucking die alone if this goes bad when I see him tonight."

To take this a step further, Stolas even equates himself to a monster with the line "Would he want me if he was free? And if he's only here as a prisoner, what kind of monster does that make me?"

He comes to terms with the fact that what they had going on was wrong, that he took advantage of a situation, of Blitz. And while Stolas harbored feelings for him for quite some time, it's obvious he never truly committed to the idea or possibility of a genuine relationship with him until much later (arguably, maybe, after the embarrassment for them both at Ozzie's).

So now we are witnessing Stolas unraveling. We are seeing him more thoroughly, for who he truly is, and the negative and flawed qualities he bears.

Feelings of inadequacy / insecurity

Anxiety

Impulsivity

Perfectionism

Selfishness

At a young age, we see a very eager-to-please and curious Stolas. He's excitable and even appears quite happy! But the crushing weight of his status and position quickly fell down fast when he was shown a picture of a young Stella, and told he would be marrying her. Basically, his entire life was lined up with purpose and expectations for him. Despite that, he still grew to be quite a character and I like to think he still catered to his individuality in some ways. This also supports his impulsivity, as a means to give some semblance of control back to himself. He very much acts in the moment and before fully fully analyzing anything, which brings us to The Full Moon, in which he's had time to realize and ruminate, and is now in a sort of distress about it all coming forward.

Now, I personally headcanon that even before Stella and Stolas started spending more time together that he already dealt with blows to his self-esteem and image. He was respected by name and rank alone, but not entirely liked. He also received quite a bit of open criticism and ridicule for his interests and mannerisms. Thus, he is far more comfortable in the seclusion of his home, surrounded by books and artifacts than the shimmering aristocracy of parties. There were times, however, where he could make a flourishing fool of himself in their favor, or charm people into small bursts of engagement, but he wore himself out quite quickly, and would have to find a way to retreat. Once Stella came into the picture, it was much easier to find these events loathsome in their entirety as he endured open harassment and personal jabs at even the most private of matters from her.

There were times during his childhood, their engagement, and their marriage in which Stolas dealt with the pressing weight of inadequacy. These feelings took the forefront as he assumed he simply wasn't enough of a partner, enough of a Goetia, enough of an astronomer, enough of a son, enough of anything, really. Nothing he ever did pleased her, and he was never quite sure where he fell in line with his father. So as time went on, he just cautiously assumed that he couldn't possibly live up to anyone's standards, regardless of their position in his life. It's true, he thinks highly of himself and of his abilities, but none of that is structurally sound where it matters most.

Stolas is selfish. This falls in line with the impulsivity, naturally, but he is absolutely selfish. He is always seeking attention, especially from Blitz and is inconsiderate of his boundaries in the beginning. This is especially present in just how often he seeks Blitz out, his continued sexual ramblings over the phone in the first episode, and the list goes on. I do not think his selfishness is done with malice, but it's no excuse, either. The initial transactional exchange between them is also not just selfish, but manipulative. And he comes to realize this! It's phenomenal development!

But it's still a fatal flaw, and as Stolas becomes more aware of himself and his own negative traits, it creates a sort of spiral. Returning us back to the center of it all with his feelings of inadequacy. Because of all of these flaws, because of everything he has said or done, even in taking that leap by freeing Blitz of that exchange and expressing his love for him, Stolas still doesn't believe himself worthy of Blitz's love, or anyone else's for that matter.

You know what I'm just ending this whole thing here coz I feel like I'm gonna go on a huge tangent and I'm not making any sense. I'll explain things in headcanons and asks if anyone's ever curious or when I wanna explore those moods. Lmao

[fanboy-com]

I love my boyfriend, I really do. He's probably the healthiest relationship I've had in my life too, but I just.

I'm a very private, introverted, and closed off person. I like my alone time, I don't talk often unless you get me started on things, and I typically don't like people. Tbh I have a hard time being nice to people, including people I love and like.

My boyfriend is very clingy, which is okay, but I don't want him to feel like I'm gonna leave him or get all sad because I want some time alone. Like we're always on call and it's kind of bothering me? Not because it's him, but because I'm technically not having full alone time. I feel guilty because I know he's a very clingy and lovey person, but I really can't be on call with someone for days on end. I love him, but God I need my space.

That and I also am starting to miss being single, because I didn't have to worry about talking to people about my games which usually are romance/character oriented. I feel guilty play these games I have loved for years and use as comfort because I have a boyfriend. Idk.

Like I don't want to leave him but I also can't be surrounded and loved on 24/7. It's not even like we are always talking on call either, it's just the fact I'm not alone that is bothering me sometimes. It's also not all the time that I'm annoyed I'm not alone, more often then not I'm happy to be around him and everything but like when I'm doing my thing and he calls me I get agitated.

It kind of reminds me of when you're doing something and someone interrupts you and you love them but now you're very upset.

Also I want us to take it slow because I do have commitment issues and attachment issues and it kind of feels like we're rushing it at the same time. Like yes, one day in far future I'll marry him (maybe, idk how life will go) but like rn can we just vibe?

I'm also feeling guilty cuz I am in the ace scale (not sure what ace I am but I know I'm ace) and he's a very sexual person while I'm very like. I use it to cope, like a bad coping skill and to deal with stress. Sexual things are kind of something I have a love hate relationship with? Cuz due to trauma I'm a hypersexual and I hate it because I kind of don't want to have sex ever. I mean imagination and fictional stuff I'm all for but I am very neutral and sometimes against doing stuff irl. He even thought that he wasn't satisfying my needs because my ace ass hasn't done anything sexual and honestly didn't want to.

Idk. I personally don't think I'm ready for a relationship at all, honestly I don't think I really need one. I think I'm fine being single and having friends (even though I honestly only have my best friend and a few online friends), a relationship is kind of my last priority. I feel a little bad for that mindset but I'm also borderline poor and have sever health issues plus a lot of trauma I went through recently so like ... Yeah. Don't get me wrong, I still love my boyfriend and I don't plan on leaving him unless he fucks up or I quite literally cannot handle it, I'm just kind of upset or smt?

Maybe I'm just not use to someone being so clingy or so lovey and stuff this early on. It's not bad, he's very sweet and everything, I just don't know if I can handle it. I can barely handle myself. I think maybe it's something wrong with me, maybe I'm just built wrong or something. I adore him but also ugh relationship. Maybe I just need my alone time back and I'll be good? Idk lmao.

I think I just need to make sure we slow down and go at my pace and let him know that I need my alone time and that, as much as I love him, the relationship isn't my highest priority. He's still a priority just not the highest one. I'm number one. So yeah. Idk.

[bijoumikhawal]

Part of the problem with MLM fetishization discourse (mainly found onTwitter, but i see it here too), is that people see effeminacy and femininity in men itself as a fetish, and therefore can't be assed to understand actual issues we face with regard to sexuality

It's impossible to talk about fatphobia, underlying assumptions often related to white supremacist beauty standards, adultification, ageism, etc that feminine men experience because people are too busy getting in a tizzy over a guy wearing skirts in media. One of the big issues for me is hypersexualization- I was getting sexualized at a very young age for being what I am, it's a big issue historically, and a lot of media I could access when I was younger was basically just porn/erotica. And that porn/erotica was often like. Racist, it hypermasculinzed Blackness in comparison to white effeminates, and it only portrayed fem men as submissive bottoms (which isn't itself bad) whose effeminacy was humiliation, and submission was bc they're worth less than "real men"

And like, the joke is people are so focused on wether or not people writing femmes who bottom is bad (it's just a thing that happens irl) that you can't talk about anything else. It's also a form of hypersexualization. The only other thing ppl wanna discuss is "heteronormativity". Fiction where femmes are fucking isn't a bad thing with that being said, and desexualizing us is also a common homophobic thing to do, and tends to loop back to the "less than a real man" thing.

And like, "yaoi"/"BL" isn't the big driving factor in hypersexualization here. If nobody in the US knew what that was I still would've been getting hit on by men twice my age at 16 (who sometimes would loudly advertise their interest in femmes specifically, or more accurately, "femboys" and "tr*ps").

And honestly when you deal with just like- grown ass men looking at you that way, people moaning and bitching that the big concern for fetishization here is basically wether or not the character exists only deepens the shame felt from those interactions. I was made to feel uncomfortable and gross because my gender presentation was seen as sexual when I was a teenager, and all this shit does is go "yeah, it is sexual, when I look at people like you I think about sex and how the sex you have is bad". And part of my Ick with portrayals of femmes is that we're assumed as submissive bottoms because I'm not, but this is still deeply harmful to people that are because you're telling queers the way they fuck is morally wrong and you're instilling shame over it.

And like... actual fetishization for me is more often when femmes as objects of sexual desire are seen that way through a lens of "you're a faggot so you're beneath me, you should thank me when I call you slurs and do xyz, you're trash, shaving you so you have less body hair (so you look more feminine) is a punishment and symbolizes my superiority" because it's just intracommunity femmephobia/effemiphobia with a boner.

Its not that other things are non-issues but cis women clumsily writing a masc/femme dynamic is probably more likely to make me laugh than feel ashamed or disgusted, and instances of feminizing a character for bigotry reasons in fandom are less common than people complaining about effeminacy existing at all (including with femme transmasc characters, especially because usually those aren't being written by cis people). The actual things that have made me cringe with shame and disgust about cis women's view of feminine and effeminate men sexually are more difficult for me to unsnarl because I see it less often, and it's sometimes more visceral because while I was sexualized by men I was actually abused by women, but I'll be frank; those things usually aren't occurring in discussions about fandom.

When I get disgusted in fandom discussion isn't about femme characters existing at all, or top/bottom/switch- they're about people acting like writing romance/erotica about men fucking is the sacred right of cis women and any discussion about equity in publishing means you're attacking fandom when they're two different things, and that that right is more important than the fact that queer men can struggle to get published in romance- and subsequent issues with poverty. Or the insistence that to be fetishized you need to be a woman because fetishization is stored in the pussy (revealing they haven't thought about racism in the romance genre, and don't think about trans women). Its about queer men in fandom writing smut and getting harassed by women who write the exact same type of it because the way they do it is somehow bad. It's about my sexuality being seen as piece of land to fight over, that I'm not supposed to be on, not writing about men in fishnets.

[lifeneedsrot]

🌲already outdated.

filthyrottenworm ——> lifeneedsrot

🔭no minors allowed! We dont post much NSFW we just are extremely uncomfortable around minors and want our boundaries respected

🔭hi! We’re the Starship System! There’s 26 of us, one for each letter of the alphabet. We are traumagenic and DIAGNOSED with DiD, and a pro-endogenic former sysmed! We have no real “host” but Maverick fronts the most. We use emojis to represent who’s speaking online. We are anti-harassment and anti-censorship, aka “proship” (even though we barely participate in fandom and don’t actually “ship” anything)! If you’ve got a problem, block us forever, because we will accidentally refollow you.

🥀we tag all posts with the alter’s name and starshipsys

🐰this account is for finding Real friends. We are more open about ourselves on this account and more guarded on our Starshipsys account. If we follow you then we’re open to being Friends.

⚓️no DNI except minors (under 18). We block liberally. Introductions below the cut. Ageless bios are usually blocked, minors always blocked.

Emoji - name - pronouns - headspace age

🧤 - Agate - they/them - 8

Agate exists to promote healthy expression of emotions.

🧤hi. I’m usually sad. Oh apparently that wasn’t enough of an intro I was gonna leave it at that. Um. I like talking to people. I’m kind of stuck in memories of really bad times so I’ll probably talk about bad things that happened a long time ago. I want our system to express our feelings now when we can because we used to never be allowed to. So sometimes I front to tell people what we’re really feeling and be vulnerable and stuff.

🪩 - Boppie - they/them - 21

Boppie exists to have fun and hold our party-loving feelings and maintain our in-person social status.

🪩Hey!!!!!!! I’m TONS of fun, I like dancing, I like being loud, and I like not giving a shit. I’m totally chill. I’m better at in person interactions than online, tbh. I wanna go to a rave and to a bunch of conventions and festivals and parades and honestly if it’s a loud party, I wanna be there. Unforchy maverick says No Never to all my wants and needs, waaaaaahhh. Can’t even drink alcohol. Can’t EVEN have COFFEE. No substances allowed. I’ll prolly talk about wanting to try shit and whine about how nobody lets me have any fun. I like music and singing and sometimes I play around on beepbox to make songs. I’m awful at it lawl but it’s fun!! I can’t survive without constant stimulation, so like, stimulate me. LMAO

♠️ - Cole - he/it - 21

Cole exists as a living manifestation of blades, and guards us from using sharp objects for self-harm or for harming others except to protect.

♠️Hey. I’m not great at talking to people. But I do enjoy conversations. Sometimes. Im a living knife. I used to date Quasi in headspace but I broke up with them after they tried to claw my eye out. To be fair I treated them horribly throughout that relationship. I consider myself a recovered persecutor because of how I used to treat them versus how I am now. I like blades and I’m aroused by blood. But I’m trying to avoid hurting people. I talk about death and mourning because I perceive my Quasi (Quasarinova) to be dead and replaced by the current Quasi (Quasiren). Which is part of the reason why I broke up with them.

🐰 - Daisy - she/any - 7

Daisy represents one half of unconditional love: “be yourself and you’ll be loved as yourself.” She also holds parts of our hypersexuality.

🐰hi!!! I get mad when people try to make us bend to be someone we’re not. And what we are is WEIRD and if you got a problem with that then block us or we’ll block you. I am ICKY and we are ICKY and if you don’t like that then BLOCK US FOREVER!!!!! But if you’re niceys we’re super nice c: !!! I love Tazzy and my little pony and sometimes I say everypony instead of everybody. WE SHOULD PLAY PONY TOWN TOGETHER. I can show you aaaall our ponies!!! We got one for every one of us. So 26 ponies. They’re the best representation of our headspace appearance for now. I like Disney movies I think but I haven’t seen many

🔭 - Estella - they/she - 21

Estella holds our love for technology and indie videogames, but their purpose is mainly to promote in-sys relationships and take care of the emotional needs of other alters by matchmaking.

🔭Hi!!! I hope we can be friends :3 I like Slay the Princess right now!! I’m a forever fan of minecraft and spore. In-sys relationships are extremely important to us, so I’ll probably talk a lot about that. Haven and I are girlfriends! Tazelein and Daisy are something… Starbound is starting to forgive Kakxyl, so they might get back together! Present and Cole might be together someday but neither of them are ready yet and I don’t want to pressure them. Maverick and Quasi are taking it slow, too. The XYZ primordials are forever married soulmates in a poly triangle or whatever. Whenever my headmates start to get along really well, I get ecstatic and front to happy ramble about it! I’m hoping I can take care of all of our emotional needs by setting alters up with each other. It’s to avoid codependency. Also, I made our headspace in minecraft! We should play minecraft together! If I can figure out how to make it work… also the proportions in our minecraft world are a little off.

🐁 - Fobi - it/she - adolescent

Fobi holds the “flee” stress response and its purpose is to run away when we are in danger.

🐁if I front its a bad sign. I only front when we’re in danger or if someone forces me to front. I exist only to run and I am in a constant state of fear. Estella wants me to not be in a constant state of fear but I don’t know what that would be like. I don’t want to be hurt anymore. I want to survive. I want to survive at all costs and I will do whatever we need to do to survive. We’re nothing more than a frightened animal. But I can be strategic, too. I recognize what is needed. I will put the most necessary alter in front, and sometimes that’s me, to run. Sometimes it’s someone else, like Starbound, to fight.

🦇 - Grim - it/its - adolescent

Grim holds the “fawn” stress response and its purpose is to adore and dote on people to prevent us from being hurt by them or to prevent them from leaving us.

🦇hi… I don’t know what to say… I’m also not very good at talking… I want more friends though. Do I have to write more? Okay… I want to be hurt. My description up there is a little weird. I’m not sure I like it. I don’t prevent people from hurting me. I… make myself very available to be hurt… because we need it. We need people to be around us more than we need anything else… and people hurt the people they’re around… so we have to be okay with being hurt. More than okay. I learned to love it. So please, if it’s the only thing that’ll keep you from leaving, hurt me. I’m more afraid of being alone than anything else…

🌺 - Haven - she/he - 21

Haven exists to express genuine love and care for our friends, family, and partners.

🌺Send us asks!!! Talk to me!!! Say hello!!!! Be our friend!!!! I promise we’re way nicer than you think. We don’t bite! Except some of us do bite. And I’ll bite if you ASK me to bite. But mostly we don’t bite. I usually talk about the people we love! Our friends! I hope you can become one of our friends, too. Because we have a severe friendship deficit.

✏️ - Indigo - they/them - 12

Indigo holds our hopes, dreams, and interests from Middle School.

✏️I LOVE STARSET AND WINGS OF FIRE. Those are my two favoritest things ever, especially wings of fire. I could talk about wings of fire forever. I write wings of fire fanfics. I also LOVE undertale and deltarune!!! I want to make a really cool indie game but I don’t think I have the skills to, so I stick to writing stories where I KNOW I can do it. I am good at writing but I almost never get past the prewriting stages. I also like reading fantasy stories. Sometimes. We haven’t read a good series in forever. We like Tamora Pierce’s books though! We’re not caught up on everything though. We also draw and are trying to draw a portrait of every one of us!

🎊 - Jynx - she/any - ageless

Jynx holds narcissism and a God complex. Her purpose is to hold insecurity that is expressed as superiority.

🎊fuck that description, I’m literally awesome. Anyway. I’m actually a god, for realsies. I’m the best thing ever. You should bow down and worship me. I’m not insecure. I’m genuinely awesome. Okay, that sounds insecure. I’m serious. Kakxyl is my dad, Lynx is my brother, Present is sort of my sister because it was raised alongside me. My dad is literally beyond godhood. He ascended so many times it’s like unbelievable. And im going to rule the world one day, so you should get on my good side.

🍠 - Kakxyl - he/any - eternal

Kakxyl’s role is to help other alters change their roles.

🍠Greetings. I like breaking people out of patterns of thought. There is not much for me to say. I am an ancient being, technically older than the primordials, and I may never truly die. However, death is merely a transformation into something else, and I shall always be an entity of transformation. The end of one thing is the beginning of another. I change, and I end, and I transform, as all things do, though my consciousness may remain uninterrupted, I experience slow and continuous death through change. All entities must die throughout their lives, many times. All creatures must transform through time. You are not the same you as you were yesterday. You will be someone else tomorrow. As stable as you view your identity to be, you transform as much as any other entity. You die. You have died. You will die. You are always dying. And you are always reborn.

🫐 - Lynx - he/any - ageless

Lynx holds the “freeze” stress response and will front when there are too many emotions vying to be expressed at once.

🫐I once had no voice, but now I can speak. Or type, I guess. Hm. What to say about myself. I want to learn fencing. I know how to wield a sword in headspace, but front body doesn’t. We also need to learn more ASL. I usually front because I’m emotionally numb in comparison to the others. So I front when the others are too emotional to make rational decisions.

⚓️ - Maverick - they/he - 21

Maverick is the captain of the system and makes the final call on all decisions, as well as the “host” who fronts the most.

⚓️damn this is a weird intro post. Why did we do it like this. Anyway I’m as close to host as we have. I’m the captain. I make the final call on all important decisions. I like boats. Front body never learned to swim, so we need to do that before we can go out on the water. I want to travel. I want to visit all fifty states and a few other countries. We’re from USA if you couldn’t tell.

🍥 - Nyan - he/she - 6

Nyan holds innocent childlike interests and emotions that we were unable to express when we were physically a child.

🍥Hi! I love making friends and talking to people and candy and legos. Hehe I am friends with daisy and agate. I like kitties and I named myself after Nyan cat. Meow :3!!!!!! I want to play minecraft and get super good at it and also I like the sims 3 and 4 but only with the pets pack added for kitties and spore and I like ummm lots of things! I used to collect littlest pet shops but I donno where they went. I like running in circles but front body is too tired all the time for that. I like stuffies and I like cuddles. I like ice cream also.

🚀 - Oscar - he/him - adult

Oscar’s role is to push people away to protect the system from being hurt by others.

🚀I don’t trust easily. If you do earn my trust, don’t break it. I do hold a grudge. I personally think our system would be safest alone, without dealing with outsiders. But everyone else is pretty convinced we can’t be happy alone.

🩵 - Present - she/it - adult

Present’s role is to mourn our lost relationships, but hold hope that we can heal.

🩵I hope you’re not off-put by all the strange introductions. We’re trying to reach outside our comfort zone to make more friends. So, hello. Don’t be shy, please. I think an important part of healing is opening ourselves up to form new friendships. We’ve been hurt a lot. We’ve hurt people, too. Our ex partner system accused us of grooming them because we were 19 and they were 17. It was a horribly toxic and abusive relationship for both systems, but we’re not a groomer, and we didn’t deserve thousands of people persecuting us online. A lot of our system feels like we’ll never be able to move past that relationship. It was such a defining part of our identity, and then our entire community was ripped away from us in one motion when we were cancelled off of that website. But we’re ready to rebuild.

🥀 - Quasiren - they/them - 18

Quasiren intends to create intimacy, friendships, and bonds. They hold the hope that we can still form meaningful relationships.

🥀Come be our friend!!! It’s necessary. Important. We’re genuinely very kind and nice and really like making friends. Okay, we’re a little desperate and a lot lonely. But I promise we’re waaaaaay friendshaped. So, what are you waiting for? You know you want to say hi. You know you want to become our best friend forever! We’re total sweethearts.

🥩 - Raptorse - it/its - adult

Raptorse is just there to make sure we don’t starve to death or develop an eating disorder.

🥩I’m just here to eat. We’re an animal. Animals need to eat. We get too hungry, I front. I eat. I chomp. I bite. I’ll even eat you. Not always good at talking. Sometimes words get mangled and grammar too. Especially when I need to do my job. Just a primal urge when that happens. All animals need is food, water, shelter. All animals need do is shit, piss, eat, sleep, fuck. Some animals don’t even need fuck. We need to get rid of urges but not really need another animal to deal with that. Maverick is saying I overshare. Don’t care. Survival is priority. Not nobody’s feelings about shit we do. Gnaw my way out if needed.

🎆 - Starbound - she/any - ageless

Starbound is the “fight” stress response and represents a need for justice.

🎆don’t piss me off and we’ll get along fine. But if you do piss me off, well. I’m not afraid to burn bridges the way the rest of these soft bitches are. I get mad real easy. And I get real fucking mad. Basically, if you’re talking and I front, you done something to piss us off big time. I hate injustice.

🪱 - Tazelein - he/any - ageless

Tazelein holds hypersexuality and the other half of unconditional love: “in order to love someone, you must love them as they are, not as how you want them to be.”

🪱hiiiiiii cutie~!!!! I like tearing people apart. Yes, I do mean tearing. Ripping them to sinewy shreds. Red ribbons and white fragments, squishy bits of organs strewn about. And then I like putting them back together. And I want you to be aware for all of it. Unfortunately, I can’t do that in front, humans die too easily, and front body isn’t strong enough to keep them alive. I can still get creative with what I do and keep you alive. Humans are also fairly resilient. If you’d like to be torn to shreds, or whatever adjacent thing I come up with, come say hiiiii~~ don’t be shy!!! Or do, it might be cute. Oh, is this not a normal way to introduce myself? Oops, ahehehe.

🕊️ - Utopia - they/any - ageless

Utopia holds our fascination with spirituality, religion, and the occult. Their role is to ponder the mechanisms of spirituality.

🕊️we are a somewhat spiritual system. We believe that when we were younger, we were connected to spirits that would grant our wishes so long as we were good to them. We also believe these same spirits granted us visions, but that we have lost connection with our spirits. We seek to regain our connection. We also believe all souls are interconnected in a massive web, and that travel between them is possible. Yes, I am referring to syshopping. We experienced syshopping firsthand with our aforementioned ex partner system that accused us of grooming them. I would like to regain a similar spiritual link with someone, not necessarily syshopping as I’m not certain we may ever achieve that again, but we also had friends who we shared dreams with, and I believe with enough closeness and common spirituality this may be achieved again.

🦠 - Vitriol - it/its - adult

Vitriol’s role is to prevent other people from being hurt by us by any means necessary.

🦠we’re not worth befriending. Reread Tazelein’s intro. Do you think someone who would say that is safe to befriend? Stay away from us. We have been abusive in the past. I don’t know if we still are, but it’s not worth the risk.

🕸️ - Webber - they/any - ageless

Webber holds our abandonment issues, and has the role of building and maintaining trust of others.

🕸️hello there :}. You’ve been reading for an awfully long time, haven’t you? I appreciate it. If you bothered reading this far, please say hello. We likely won’t message first. Most of us are too shy for that; we assume that you don’t want a message out of the blue. Ah, I should introduce myself. I’m Webber, a deity of trust. There’s nothing I value more than the trust of others.

🔥 - Xray - he/xe - primordial

Xray represents the current time and destruction. Xis role is to end or finish things, or get things over with. He does things nobody wants to do.

🔥once we are close enough with someone, we will have a boundaries conversation. We currently have 7 major boundaries, but may add more if necessary. After the boundaries conversation, we may decide to share our simplyplural with you. Any attempt to rush these two events before we’re ready will be perceived as a yellow flag and cause us to be wary of you.

🌲 - Yarrow - they/it/yey - primordial

Yarrow represents the past time and transformation. Its role is to help people see parts of themselves they hadn’t yet seen.

🌲hello. I don’t have much to add. I like writing about the alters of our system. Most of our simplyplural entries are authored by me, including the sentence description that’s written below each of our names in this introduction, which was taken from part of our simplyplural. We will share it when we are ready to share it.

🌊 - Zenith - ze/zer - primordial

Zenith represents the future time and creation. Zer role is to start new things and promote seeking out new pleasurable experiences.

🌊haiiiiiii!!!!! I’m kind of the mom of the system. But like, in a really fun and hot way. I like building people up! I also like making things. Which sometimes includes alters. We currently are maxed out at 26, but we might expand in the future, it’s getting a little tight in here.

[just-antithings]

sorry, i need to vent about the porn addiction thing a bit.

while i’m by no means anti-porn, i do think we need to encourage healthy engagement with it (which is honestly skewed towards a heavily anti-porn bias in american society, which is not healthy. you aren’t bad for looking at porn or finding it interesting/entertaining/arousing! and let me tell ya it hurts seeing people with perfectly normal porn habits thinking they’re porn addicts and thus horrible and going to hurt someone inevitably. the current views on porn and sexual content in america at least is unhealthy as all hell, and we have gotta change that.)

but i dated someone who definitely had a porn dependency, if we can use that term. he would bombard me with hentai and other assorted lewd stuff constantly, and got to the point that he wasn’t attracted to me anymore and lied about it or dodged the question. it really sucked. there were many other issues, but he was almost constantly looking at porn, to the point of neglecting everything else in his life, and refused to talk about his problems and called me crazy whenever i tried to express concern (i. e. are you depressed, anxious, do you need to talk, etc). there were a lot more issues than just the excess use of porn, but honestly it’s the easiest one to convey (it’s very difficult to sum up half a decade of abuse the same way as “he didn’t even want me to touch him because of it, and called me crazy when i asked if he was okay”). him making fun of me for all of this and publicly saying i was clearly hypersexual for wanting to be intimate with him is still a sore spot, honestly, and getting mad when i told him we needed to discuss the problem before it got worse still was a matter of huge frustration as well. no matter how i tried to express a concern, he’d deflect pretty hard. we were talking about maybe getting married before i broke things off, and i was ready to drop all of my dreams and wants for the future because he’d convinced me that was the best i could get.

again, i have zero issues with porn itself. so long as it’s all made by consenting adults, cool! hell, i make adult content myself— it’s something i enjoy, and people are willing to pay well for it too. but i feel we need a good term for when it becomes a replacement for other things in life resulting in neglect of those other things. while i agree addiction is the wrong term and has anti-porn roots (and i would also prefer to have a term that doesn’t blame the porn— or blames no one, ideally, as i said we have a highly unhealthy relationship with sex in america) i’m not sure what other terms would be. is dependency too close to addiction and/or still gives an anti-porn vibe?

like anything that brings pleasure to people healthy engagement is important, and that’s different for everyone. i just happened to be with a selfish person who used porn to the point of it detracting from his life and to the point of it killing my self-confidence.

if there’s a simple term for this already that would be rad. but whenever i see these arguments start i can’t help but think of myself and all the others who have had relationships wrecked by their partners preferring porn and masturbation over them. it’s kinda hard not to feel hurt in that scenario. is there a specific term for porn as a vehicle for abuse, maybe? or as a way to avoid being genuine with a partner? i suppose just selfishness, immaturity, and such are all terms to use, but in this scenario specifically i just want a term that isn’t anti-porn that can sum it up.

tl;dr, i’m in favor of porn and lewd content, i just wish there was a better term for people who use it to the point of distress and pain for partners and neglect of their own health, relationships, and spaces than one coined by anti-porn and evangelical groups.

i would love to be wrong on this and have some kind of thing pointed out that it was not in fact an addiction or dependency, it was xyz or abc or what have you. i don’t want to hang onto something like that when it’s not really what went on. it’s entirely possible i missed a ton of cues (god knows i still don’t know all of what he said that was lies and what was truthful) and he just didn’t want to admit to being asexual or something in that vein (if he thought it was a bad thing or something?? hell if i know, toxic masculinity is weird as fuck), but i don’t know anymore what to think. what are your thoughts? you can delete this if you don’t want to discuss it, and i don’t want to start a purity debate or anti-porn debate in your inboxes, either. i’m just… hoping that there’s a way to find nuance, because these kinds of things definitely happen. sorry for dumping all this in here. i just want to understand a bit better if anyone has knowledge i lack.

honestly it took me a long time to decide if i should send this or not, since i don’t want to cause a bunch of bullshit or to be disrespectful to anyone in this discussion. but i figure, too, people who are also in favor of nsfw stuff and against censorship would be best to ask do i don’t get a ton of bullshit about it? again, i apologize if this is all me overreacting or not seeing something obvious. i would love to be able to pinpoint something specific or have a simple way to sum up that aspect of the abuse. if i’m wrong i do politely ask for further reading or information so i can educate myself and learn. thank you for your time and again sorry for the lengthy message!

Porn addiction (as it's used nowadays) is actually a subset of sex addiction, and you have a sex addiction when it... starts causing the problems any addiction in your life causes. It is not the amount you consume - its how consuming it at all affects your life. Like even your ex, it wasn't that he was engaging in porn and liked porn, it's that it caused what sounds like numerous interpersonal problems, which is why it wasn't a healthy engagement.

Because healthy engagement is very subjective? Like I read. A lot of porn. I look at an insane amount of drawn porn because I'm Hella hypersexual and it's Soothing to consume the porn. But the amount of porn I consume isn't negatively impacting my life or relationships. I'm only not in my slut era and having random hookups because of covid and pregnancy risk (don't suggest I just fuck people without dicks that doesn't solve the covid issue yall, also i like dick) but I have like. Real Actual Problems from being hypersexual that looking at porn helps me with.

A lot of people equate porn addiction with the amount consumed. Its not. It's about how it impacts you and your life so tbh? I'd call it CSB (compulsive sexual behavior) and start... looking into resources about helping addicts use safely. Those primarily deal with drug use, but I'm p sure you can find non-ableist resources about how to help the addicts in your life in general. I included the links I looked at while answering this as a starting point. Wikipedia is sourced and the places those pages pulled from might also be helpful.

What happened to you was super fucked up, but tbh based on my knowledge of addiction and even just a little research into CBS makes it sound like he had a real problem he was struggling with and handling badly. But what his issue was goes beyond just. The amount of porn he was looking at. It was how it seemed to have invaded other aspects of his life and had very negative impact.

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