#now if I take her dumb stupid whiny voice seriously

[dumb-coward]

Gonna just slam my head into a wall real quick

[kaseyskat]

feeling emo about sasharcy tonight

~~~

"do you like me?"

it's random, but then again, the way marcy asks - tentative, with a sudden exhale of breath like she hadn't expected the words to come at all - suggests that maybe it's not so random, maybe it's one of many thoughts in her head that she would never dare to voice before amphibia and has a hard time voicing even now.

when sasha looks at her, her head is bowed, arms curled around her knees. she looks tired, exhausted, like this sleepover hadn't been her own idea.

"what do you mean, marce?" she asks, keeping her tone calm. "of course I like you. what's going on in that head of yours?"

marcy makes a pitiful sound in the back of her throat, something high pitched and whiny, and she shakes her head. "n-nevermind, I'm being stupid, ignore me-"

"hey, no, we talked about this marcy," sasha chides, and she scoots towards her, awkwardly sitting at her side. "you're supposed to talk about your feelings instead of bottling them up, remember?"

"since when were you so smart about feelings?" marcy mumbles, like she's still avoiding the question.

"well," sasha grins, "anne's inspired a lot from me, you could say."

she thought it'd bring comfort, mentioning anne. anne is a comfort to them both, after all, she always has been. anne's a guiding sun, and though sasha is helpless but to reflect it, at least she's waxing now instead of trapped in a downwards waning spiral.

but it doesn't. instead, marcy sniffs, and her body trembles dangerously, her head buried in her knees.

"seriously marcy, what's wrong? you can tell me, you know, I won't be upset with you or anything."

marcy sniffs hard again, and though her body trembles through another sob, she finally peeks up, eyes shining with tears. "it's dumb," she says hoarsely, "really dumb, I'm just... blegh. feelings are so weird."

"they really are, aren't they?" sasha sighs, and she scoots even closer to marcy, gently touching her shoulder. "but really, you know it's what anne wants from us. no more hiding things, remember?"

once again, marcy stiffens at the mention of anne, and though she manages a little nod, she sobs again, clutching at her knees. "I know," she whispers, "it's. super dumb, but sometimes I just wonder... if it were just us two, would you have put in the effort?"

sasha blinks. "what... do you mean?"

"I love anne, we both love anne," marcy makes another frustrated noise in her throat, "but sometimes I just wonder... I've heard the stories, you know. captain sasha, unafraid of any danger so long as she protects anne's town and takes care of anne's things and spreads the rebellion in anne's name. I'd probably do the same thing, but I think... no, I know I'd do it for both of you. everything I've ever done has been for both of you."

she pauses, and she's still crying. "and I just... would you have done it for me, too? do you like me, sasha?"

and fuck, sasha feels her heart drop low in her chest. she squeezes marcy's shoulder, takes a shuddery breath, and wonders: how the fuck is she supposed to answer that?

when she's silent for too long, though, marcy snorts in dry laughter. "see? told you it's dumb. you can ignore me, sometimes I just get too into my head-"

"-it's not dumb, marshmallow," sasha interrupts and she gently, so gently, nudges marcy sideways until she's slowly uncurling, leaning heavily into sasha's side. "...I know I'm not very good at showing my affection in. healthy ways. and that's on me, not you, okay?"

marcy's blinking up at her now, eyes wide.

"I mean, yeah okay you fucked up, but I still like you, dork," and sasha playfully nudges marcy here, poking her side and earning a giggle. "I think... I felt like I had hurt anne worse, and I didn't want to think about what happened to you because it hurt so much. I didn't want to acknowledge that you might be dead, because that meant having to grieve and I didn't have the emotional space to handle that. I mean really marce, I loved you so much I'd rather confront my feelings and wrongdoings towards anne than grieve you!" sasha snorts almost hysterically, and she hangs her head. "is that fucked up or what?"

"a little bit," marcy snickers, "you really have gotten smarter: I don't think the old sasha would ever be caught dead being so... emotionally vulnerable."

sasha shoves her playfully again. "good thing you like this sasha better, yeah?"

"yeah," marcy whispers, and she's finally stopped crying. "thanks, by the way. hearing you talk about me like that helped a lot."

"hey, don't mention it and I won't," sasha tells her, "now come on. how long has it been since you last slept?"

"oh shit, you're right, maybe I do need sleep," marcy swears, and she gives herself the most dramatic facepalm that sasha has ever seen. "no wonder I feel so icky."

"good thing you have the world's most cuddly sleeping complanion right here," sasha grins, and she slides down in the bed, taking marcy with her with a little oof. "come on, sweetheart- we can talk more about it in the morning, okay?"

"okay," marcy yawns, and she's turning to snuggle into sasha's chest, "g'night, sashy. love you."

"g'night, marshmallow, love you too." sasha curls arms around her.

and as she's drifting off, she wonders what her life would've been like if she had lost marcy back then, and shudders. she can't even imagine it: and she doesn't want to imagine it either, not when every future she's ever wanted has placed both of her girls firmly at her side.

maybe she'll take marcy out for ice cream tomorrow though. just to be safe. just to let her know that she will always be loved.

[miraeluc]

you have an eating disorder

prompt: “you never had issues with food - that is until your boyfriend makes a remark about your weight.”

pairing: katsuki bakugo x female! reader

word count: 1.6k

warnings: MAJOR TW!! anorexia, there’s swearing

genre: fluff, angst 

NOTE: this is not proofread at all and it’s kinda short, i was struggling to finish it a lot, sorry :(

you were never one to pay special attention to your diet or anything

life is short, why spend it worrying about how your body looks?

food is food man, and you need it to live 

there was no fun in dieting either, it’s not like you were ever fat anyway - with daily training you were in shape!

sure there were thinner girls, but like i mentioned, you just liked enjoying food without having to worry about losing weight all the time 

your boyfriend, bakugo, just does not know how to express himself 

he’s not the type to really pay any mind to your figure, he finds you pretty anyway 

and its a plus anyway - whenever he feels full he can just push his plate towards you and you’ll gladly finish it for him 

that is until one day

you were sitting with the baku squad at lunch

mina was telling you about a new tiktok trend she had stumbled upon and found hilarious 

denki was currently fighting for his life against bakugo after saying his hair looked like he was just hit by an electricity quirk before he proceeded to zap him lightly 

kirishima was regretting all of his life decisions when he decided to try and help denki 

sero was just sat there,, recording it so he could show them just how stupid they looked afterwards

kirishima finally managed to pull said angry-boy away from kaminari 

you always said he’s like a little angry pomeranian when angry lol 

back to the plot omg i got carried away

after bakugo was calm enough to take his initial seat beside you, he was already too full and just overall not hungry

so he pushed his plate towards you 

“eat up, fatass.” he grumbled out

you just looked up at him with wide doe-eyes, not expecting an insult to slip off his tongue

it was bakugo, what’d you expect lmao 

you looked down at the plate, suddenly feeling very not hungry anymore, instead pushing the plate away as you grabbed your bag to stand up

“actually, i’ll head up to my room, i feel a bit sick”

you immediately left after that, not seeing the confused glances the table exchanged, mina smacking bakugo’s head

you went to your room and laid down, not knowing why bakugo’s comment had made you feel upset

you never get upset when he makes dumb remarks!!

so why now!!

oh 

you realised it when you were stood in front of the mirror, shirt lifted, staring at your own body

you did gain some weight.

you were upset at yourself because you usually didn’t mind!!

you know weight fluctuates, you know the small amount of chub you have will eventually pack it’s little bags and leave again 

but it hurt because you wanted to be pretty for your boyfriend.

how could you be when he says you’re a fatass?

eventually, you ended up scrolling through your phone, looking at thin girls all day

you also looked up a few diets that worked very fast 

by the time bakugo was aggressively knocking at your door you had closed all of the pages you were previously looking at 

as soon as you swung the door open he strutted in, seating himself on your bed

“what was with you running off at lunch today?” he looked at you 

you were still stood at your door like.... mm ok i guess make yourself at home 

“huh? i told you, i felt a little sick.” you mumbled, closing the door again, it was getting late and you were not looking to be beheaded by aizawa

he scoffed “if you say so.” he laid down, kicking your blanket to the side

“i brought you some snacks - incase you got hungry..” he said, his face looking like >:( 

he didn’t get them because he knew you liked them and wanted to make you happy! not at all!!

he just didn’t want to put up with you being whiny

that’s for sure the reason 

you giggled, throwing yourself ontop of him - sounds of protest coming from him but he did wrap his arms around you 

“since when are you so nice, katsuki?!” you teased

lol wrong move 

in 0.01 seconds you were flipped over and held down as he started tickling you 

“i’m not nice!”

the next morning you left extra early to avoid getting breakfast with bakugo

he didn’t seem to be bothered by it, he also has days where he just doesn’t feel like eating early in the morning so 

it does start to bother him when that one day of skipping breakfast turned into every day

his google search bar is like 

‘why does my gf not eat’

‘do girls not eat breakfast’

but this bitch is also too scared to approach you at first because he doesnt want you to know he truly cares 

his ego is still too high for that 

but you know better

you know he cares but sometimes you don’t feel good enough for him

you can’t help but compare yourself to other girls at your school

you distance yourself unknowingly, lost in the counting calories and exercising every day

everyone but you notices that you’re literally spiraling 

you don’t notice that you look sick, skin paling and cheekbones getting more prominent every passing day 

you don’t notice the growing eyebags under your eyes 

all you notice is other pretty girls and how you want to look like them.

at first, your friends decide to give you some space, thinking that maybe you have to fix this within yourself and need space

and you do, but someone needs to snap you out of your little bubble 

that someone is bakugo 

so it goes like this 

during training, he noticed your legs being a little more wobbly than usual 

and he noticed that you were unfocused, not being able to dodge all of the enemies attacks 

but something inside of him snaps when aizawa has to stop the fight because you were not even fighting back anymore

before aizawa even arrived in front of you, your world went black and you collapsed

bakugo was so angry at your training enemy 

didn’t they fucking see your struggle?? 

did they really have to be stopped by their teacher??

would they even have stopped if it werent for aizawa?? 

probably not

but he didnt have time to go and yell at them because he was running towards you 

aizawa let him pick you up

“bring her to recovery girl.”

of course he did 

everyone watching was so shocked 

because bakugo didn’t let out a sound the entire time 

his face was pulled into a frown, as usual, but he wasn’t speaking- no, yelling

he showed past his classmates, walking towards recovery girl’s office

“ribbit, why was he so quiet?”

recovery girl was like ?!?!?! what the fuck happened when was the last time she ate

she had to give you a total parenteral nutrition

(that means nutrition/fluids are delivered into your body via a catheter placed in a vein of your body, usually lower arm)

when you woke up bakugo was sat next to the bed, reading the back of some medicine bottle he found there

when he noticed you awake he perked up a little, shoulders visibly relaxing

“what happened?” 

he narrowed his eyes, wondering for a second if you were serious 

“you’re starving yourself to near death, that’s what happened.”

you immediately grimaced

“did i pass out in front of everyone?”

“is that seriously what you’re worried about?!”

you remained quiet, looking away

“y/n, look at me.” he gently guided your head to face him

“i don’t know what drove you to do this to yourself, but i need you to stop. you’re going to die if you don’t stop. what idiot made you think you need to do this to yourself?! i’ll kill them!”

..

“you told me i was a fatass”

his jaw dropped

fuck

“you know i don’t mean when i insult you! i hide the fucking fact that i WANT you to eat by using insults! i’m so sorry..”

his voice went soft at the end

he truly felt so bad :(

he was the one that was supposed to protect you from others hurting you yet here he was, being the one that caused you to hink you weren’t worthy enough

“i know, but there’s so many much more prettier girls than me, i was afraid you’d lose feelings if i wasn’t thin enough.”

“are you kidding?! you’re the only one i have eyes for! all those other extra’s can fuck off, i don’t give a single shit about them!”

you were kinda tearing up

“do you promise?”

god, he felt so bad.

he sat on the edge of the bed, reluctantly pulling you in a hug 

“i promise”

from that day on he made sure to remind you to eat meals, even if it was just something small

he ripped everyone’s heads off if they made a comment about your eating habits and/or weight

and he made sure you were the only one he loved

the day he saw you collapse something broke inside of him

it opened his eyes that hiding his emotions from you wouldn’t help you in your relationship

so while he supported you to build your feelings of self-worth and eating habits, you helped him start to open up, teaching him that showing emotions wasn’t embarassing

no one else knew how soft he could get with you and it should stay that way

you had a long way to go but it was all worth it in the end

he was your little angry pomeranian <33

requests: open

read rules before requesting.

[ssamie]

ten. SENPAI

suna rintaro x fem! mitsuri reader

(kny x hq)

warnings: spelling mistakes, really long [4k words], i kinda hate this nnjsjk, italicized words/ sentences are her thoughts, mitsuri’s hair+eye color was used.

gen masterlist.      sakura mochi.

"good job, zenitsu!!" she cooed at the blond as he once again snapped out of his unconsciousness

"hah??" zenitsu spluttered as he looked around him, and the dummy that he had just beheaded "what happened??" he asked with a frantic look on his face as he looked at his sword and hands

"you did a great job, zenitsu-kun!" y/n cheered for him "you were even faster than before!"

"i was?!" zenitsu shrieked in surprise "b-but i was asleep!"

"yeah you were" she nodded with a smile

"then are you lying to me?" zenitsu cried childishly "you don't have to lie to me, y/n-senpai! i know im weak!" she frowned at his words and went to pat his back, "you're not weak zenitsu-kun, you were just frightened, but that's fine! you still did well!" she huffed

"no." zenitsu denied in a cold tone 

"i don't tolerate bittersweet lies like that. don't lie to me. you probably cut that dummy to make me feel better, right? well it didn't make me feel better. i hate this. i hate myself. im gonna die if this keeps up. i don't wanna die, y/n-senpai. i wanna leave and start a new life in the mountains. sword fighting will only shorten my lifespan. "

"ah.. okay.." she mumbled back in return as she looked at him with dotted eyes and a blank smile, while he gives her a cold stare

"..."

"y/n-senpai! it's my turn to train with you" tanjiro chimed in with an excited smile "oh, of cour-"

"shut up, monjiro! it's my turn!" inosuke interjected with a loud scream as he pushed tanjiro away

"and you, (wrong name)! fight me! fight me!" inosuke challenged her, followed by a loud laugh 

"AGH, SHUT UP, BOTH OF YOU! IT'S STILL MY TURN TO TRAIN!" zenitsu whined aggressively as he hugged her waist with a snarl "eh?? but you said you didn't want to train anymore!" tanjiro said with a frown "you were saying it'd shorten your lifespan or something" tanjiro raised a brow 

"i- you heard nothing." zenitsu dismissed "anyways, y/n-senpai" the blond faced her with a dumb lovestruck smile, a bright and flowery aura surrounding him 

"should we continue-" 

"get the fuck away from her, you whiny cunt." obanai abruptly snarled. as expected, zenitsu shrieked and jumped from fright. his eyes were wide as he shuddered from obanai's glare 

"iguro-senpai! i didnt even hear you!" zenitsu shrieked as he nervously hid behind tanjiro "obanai-kun tends to silence his footsteps and breathing when sneaking up on his opponents" y/n pointed out 

"i guess it works even on you, who has a heightened sense of hearing" she hummed thoughtfully 

'so cool! obanai-kun is so cool!'  she squealed internally 

"anyways, obanai-kun.. is there any reason that you're here?" she asked him "yeah. i got you food.." obanai answered quietly as he presented a container of muffins before her 

he smiled fondly as she eagerly took it from his hands with a wide grin, looking almost too excited for a simple snack "ahh!! thank you, obanai-kun!!" she exclaimed with a flustered smile as she hugged him to her chest 

"um- its fine.." obanai replied with a sheer blush covering his cheeks "anyways, let's eat!" she cheered excitedly as she grasped his hand and dragged him over to a wider spot 

"wait- tanjiro! he's stealing y/n-senpai all to himself!" zenitsu cried upon realisation "let's just leave them be, zenitsu" tanjiro waved him off as he turned around to leave 

"B-BUT I WAS GONNA TRAIN WITH HER-- what was that?"

zenitsu abruptly stopped his tantrum to suspiciously eye the doors leading to the entrance of the dojo. he cupped his hands around his ears, as if trying to eavesdrop in a conversation 

"huh? what is it, zenitsu?" tanjiro asked in curiosity "i heard some unfamiliar voices outside.. but one in particular kind of rang a bell.." he replied 

tanjiro and inosuke looked at him curiously, trying to decipher what he meant. "the hell are you talking about, monitsu?!" inosuke snarled with an amused scoff as he swings his swords around 

"im saying that thOSE VOICES COULD BE THE DEMONS THE OLD BLIND GUY TALKS ABOUT IN HIS STORIES!!" zenitsu yelled in panic 

"don't address oyakata-sama like that!" tanjiro frantically shushed him by slapping his hand over the blond's mouth "also, it can't be demons, zenitsu. it's probably just some vendors selling some food" tanjiro sighed 

the door to the training room suddenly opened, revealing a nonchalant looking muichiro and three boys behind him ".. or not?" tanjiro muttered in confusion 

"um, muichiro-kun, who do you have there?" tanjiro asked him with a confused but kind smile. muichiro simply stared at him with empty eyes, slowly looking up and humming as if he was in deep thought 

"i forgot." he replied 

"oi! we just told you our names a minute ago, dude!" atsumu whined with a sigh of exasperation 

"yo" suna nodded at them in acknowledgement "oh! it's you!" tanjiro exclaimed upon realisation "it's nice to see you again, um suna-san, right?" 

"yeah. hey" suna waved at him 

"agh! it's you!" zenitsu shrieked as he glared at the brunette "he stole y/n-senpai from us back then, tanjiro!" he hissed aggressively into the boy's ear 

"ha?! who the hell are you?!" inosuke exclaimed with a huff "oi! muziro! don't let strangers in here!" inosuke yelled as he pointed an accusing finger to the younger hashira's face 

"sorry for the intrusion. we're here for y/n" osamu clarified "she told us to meet her here" 

"hmm. what's the color of that plant again?" muichiro mumbled to himself as he strayed at the potted plant by the corner of the room "green." suna answered him 

"i don't know you." muichiro deadpanned "but.. y/n does.. i think" he muttered "yeah, we told you that like a minute ago" atsumu mused

"shut up. don't intercept my thoughts. you don't amuse me." muichiro said in a cold tone as he pushed past atsumu and walked out the door 

"anyways, come in! we're having a short break at the moment" tanjiro chimed in with a his usual kind smile. the boy was holding back zenitsu and inosuke from lashing out and scaring off the guests, while  trying to make the boys comfortable 

"anyways, are you two the miya twins?" tanjiro asked the pair as he made them sit on some tatami mats "yeah we are." osamu answered in a polite manner "your dojo is very nice-" 

"yo! is that a pig head?!" atsumu exclaimed excitedly as he pointed at inosuke's boar mask "ha?! the hell did you call me?!" inosuke yelled back as he tried to slash him with the sword, although zenitsu held him back 

"im sorry. he's very dense and have no sense of respect sometimes." osamu said with an unbothered look on his face "yeah, just pretend he's not there." suna chimed in with a sigh 

"oi! you're both so plastic! im nice, alright?!" atsumu huffed in aggravation "also, i was just asking if the head was real cus it looks cool on ya!" atsumu defended 

"no, no! it's alright, we're really sorry about inosuke" tanjiro laughed nervously 

"he's very aggressive and-"       "extremely stupid" zenitsu cut him off 

tanjiro sweat dropped but nodded anyways "ahm.. yes that.. we're sorry again" he bowed in apology "inosuke?" tanjiro turned to the boy, only to see him sitting uncharacteristically quiet with his hands folded on his lap 

he was looking at atsumu through his mask, white puffs and sparkles surrounding him as he does so "seriously?" zenitsu sweat dropped "he gets this happy over a compliment?" he sneered 

"you're not really any better, zenitsu" tanjiro sighed and shook his head lightly 

"anyways, we'll call y/n-senpai-" 

"wahh!! suna-kun is that you?!" y/n squealed excitedly from outside where she was eating with obanai "i guess there's no need to call her" tanjiro chuckled lightheartedly as he watched the girl run towards the brunette 

"suna-kun, im so glad you're here!" she cheered as she hesitantly hugged his waist "i didnt think you would actually come" she chuckled nervously 

"well, i did say i wanted to watch you train, right?" suna cooed with a chuckle as he briefly hugged her back

"ehem. cough cough. ehem. we're here too" atsumu fake coughed "we're here. alive. standing. waiting for you to notice us.. not just suna.."

she gave him a grin and ran into his arms, slightly swaying from side to side as she let out a train of apologies "samu-kun, i didn't think you'd be interested in showing" she said with a laugh as osamu  snatched her from his twin

"why not?" osamu questioned as he patted her head with his hand "well, i thought you'd rather be cooking or something like that.." she said with a hum 

"well, i actually did cook you something" osamu said as he pulled out a bento for her "but i don't know if you've eaten already or not" he said 

"thank you, thank you, thank you!!" she exclaimed with a grin as she excitedly grasped it in her hands "i can eat that later" she hummed excitedly "but for now, i need to train.." she said 

"heck yeah! that's what we came here for" atsumu cheered 

"correction. that's what i came here for." suna said with a grunt "you just followed me uninvited" 

"hey! now who said we'd leave you alone with her, sunarin?" atsumu narrowed his eyes at him 

"what the hell" a voice hissed from afar. they all looked over to see obanai glaring at their direction, looking overly annoyed and unamused 

"oh, obanai-kun! suna and the twins are here to watch me train" she said to him "is that so." he hissed out

his heterochromatic eyes wandered over to the three boys, briefly eyeing them up and down before sighing "whatever. let's get it going then" obanai muttered as he turned around to unsheath his sword, with kaburamaru hissing by his shoulder 

y/n dismissed his indifference and simply jumped up on her feet, giddily following along as she discards her sword's sheath "are we gonna fight each other, obanai-kun?" she hummed cheerily 

"yes. unless you want someone else to take my place" obanai muttered as he fixed his stance "nope! this should be fine!" she exclaimed happily as she points her sword directly at the male 

the kamaboko squad was sat alongside the twins and suna. the boys were more than happy to watch the two hashiras spar. though for the three swordsmen were looking forward to gain more knowledge and technique 

whereas the twins were simply watching wide eyed in awe and admiration despite y/n not doing anything just yet 

and suna. well, suna was just there. 

he was admiring her from head to toe. she didn't look much different than how they usually see her. except this time, she was sporting a dress-like uniform and haori and some green striped stockings which matched her hair 

her chest was heavily exposed, though he was nice enough to avoid looking at the exposed skin. 

well, atleast he tried not to. 

"she looks so.." suna muttered as he watched her twist her wrist to gently swing the sword around "AWESOME!!" the twins simultaneously yelled as they started bumping each other's shoulders in excitement 

"haha, she does doesn't she?" tanjiro chuckled lightly as he started pulling the three males further away from the hashiras "but as cool as she looks, she might not have enough space to maneuver so we gotta stay out of their way" tanjiro explained 

"you might get injured" tanjiro warned them "or stabbed! or killed!" zenitsu followed up with a shriek as he frantically hid beneath the comfort of his haori 

"HA! AS IF I'LL HIDE FROM THAT!" inosuke huffed cockily "THE GREAT INOSUKE-SAMA WON'T BACK DOWN FROM A LITTLE SCRATCH-" 

everyone stopped talking as blood suddenly started dripping down inosuke's arm. they all blinked twice from shock, before breaking out into loud screeches. 

"W-W-WHAT THE HELL?! DID YOU SEE THAT TANJIRO?! THE BOAR GOT SLICED! HE GOT SLICED!" zenitsu yelled in fear 

"shut up, you damn pigs." obanai scowled as he suddenly reappeared from behind inosuke "i-iguro-senpai! why did you do that?!" tanjiro panicked as he hurriedly took off his haori to press it down on inosuke's wound 

"if you lowlifes won't shut up, you can just leave." obanai hissed as he started walking back to his initial spot 

"so shut up, will you?" 

"y-yes sir!" they all saluted him and quickly backed away into a corner "what the hell was that?!" atsumu whisper shouted to tanjiro "did he just try to kill him?!" osamu whisper shouted as well 

"ahaha, well.." tanjiro chuckled sheepishly "he did, yes." 

"what the hell?! and this is normal for yall?!" atsumu shrieked out as he hugged suna's arm out of fright 

"well yes, but don't worry! im sure iguro-senpai was just joking around" tanjiro laughed half-heartedly as he continued to press down on inosuke's wound. they all sweat dropped as he kept on a smile on his face while basically keeping the poor boy from dying 

"i don't think that should be considered 'joking around' , you know?" suna muttered with a sigh. suna looked away as soon as they started talking once again, not really that interested in whatever absurd topic they were on. 

instead he looked ahead to watch y/n scold obanai for his shameless act. to his surprise, obanai was actually looking ashamed. he was muttering apologies, though suna was sure it was only so she wouldn't get mad at him. 

"geez" she sighed loudly, "let's just start then. after this, you should go get your shoulder treated, inosuke" she said 

"dont tell me what to do, you hag!" inosuke scowled followed by a taunting laugh "why you-" obanai hissed through gritted teeth as he once again got ready to attack the poor boy 

"obanai-kun!" she yelled out warningly, using her sword to block his just attack just before it could hit him again "he's not your opponent, obanai-kun" she cooed in a sweet tone "you're fighting against me, so put some respect in my name and blade and fight me properly, okay~" she cooed with a giggle 

"fine." obanai muttered in reply 

"man, she's so cool" atsumu let out a low whistle as he laid his back on the wooden walls "they're fast" osamu muttered, desperately trying to keep up with their almost inhumane speed 

"i don't want to hurt you, y/n" obanai muttered as he harshly brought his blade down onto her neck "dont worry about me, obanai-kun, you're doing very well" she cooed in admiration as she swiftly dodged the blade 

"they're able to hold a conversation during this?" suna muttered in slight disbelief and amusement "more importantly, shouldn't they have done this outside?" osamu asked as he picked up some more chipped wood off the floor 

"they're basically destroying the place" he said 

"dont worry about that, miya-san" tanjiro said "this is how the training rooms normally end up, anyways" they nodded and proceeded to watch. 

"obanai-kun, suna-kun is here so im gonna show off a little okay?" she whispered to him with a smile. obanai looked up at her in confusion, irking a brow as he felt his stomach churn from jealousy 

"what the hell are you talking about-" 

"im sorry in advance, obanai-kun!" she exclaimed as she whipped her sword around. the distinctive components of the blade let it bend and sway in ways that they were sure defied physics 

"eh? the sword bended?" suna muttered in confusion "not just the sword, her whole body bended!" atsumu shrieked as he pointed to the girl's figure 

she was balancing her weight on both her arms as she bended backwards to avoid obanai's blade . she swung her legs and landed perfectly with ease. 

'oh my, obanai-kun almost hit me' she thought to herself 

'he's so cool!' she squealed internally 

'but this fight has been going on for too long'  she thought to herself as she watched obanai pull his blade from the wooden walls where it struck

'and suna-kun.. does he think im not good enough?!'  she suddenly panicked 

she looked back to see suna with his eyes trained on her figure, watching in awe and admiration. though since it was suna we're talking about, his face was still as stoic as it could be, causing her to jump into unreasonable conclusions

'does he think im boring and weak?!'  she panicked  'fine then, i'll do my best'

the room seemed to quiet down as she closed her eyes and inhaled deeply before sighing.she grasped the hilt of her sword tightly and muttered, 

"love breathing. first form. "

obanai paused and widened his eyes in surprise. it has been an unspoken rule between the two of them that they were not to use their breathing styles against each other. or atleast not in petty and unnecessary circumstances like this.

"is she seriously using her breath for some lousy boy" he scowled quietly to himself

"shivers of first love" she muttered as she dashed forward in an inhumane speed

"eh? shes gone?" osamu said in surprise as a huge gust of wind flew by, followed by the sudden disappearance of the hashira

"no, she just ran towards iguro-senpai." tanjiro explained "it may have been too fast to tell by the naked eye, but she simply dashed forward while attacking" he said

the twins, along with suna, nodded and proceeded to watch the fight with intensity"man, its no use. i can't see anything" atsumu sighed in defeat "they're too fast"

they were indeed moving in impeccable speed. y/n's blade was winding around obanai in a series of slashes, all while he simply blocks it off with his sword

"whatever." obanai muttered dejectedly. the male hashira dropped his arms to his side, his sword following, which left his neck wide open for her to hit. though just before her blade could slice through his skin, she abruptly stopped

"um.. are you alright, obanai-kun?" she asked in a worried tone

the boys finally looked up to see her standing infront of obanai in a stance, with her arms frozen mid air. the blade was less than a centimeter away from his skin, and it seems like obanai could care less at the moment 

"you win" he muttered 

"oh.." she muttered back 

she dropped her hands to her side, nervously fiddling with the ends of her hair as she waited for obanai to say something else 

"are you.. mad?" she asked him in a whisper 

"no, im just-" obanai cut himself off as their eyes clashed. he sighed and patted her head. he fixed her haori and nodded towards suna "you should spend time with them instead of forcing yourself to do so with me." he said in a monotonous tone 

"im sure you'd enjoy it more anyways" 

she frowned at his words but nodded anyways, seeing as he was already making his way out of the room 

"but i always enjoy spending time with him" she muttered to herself 

a frown had etched itself onto her lips, her brows furrowing as she watched obanai's retreating figure. though the melancholic feeling was quickly disrupted by zenitsu's loud voice, yelling out yet another marriage proposal 

"Y/N-SENPAI~ YOU WERE SO COOL!" zenitsu exclaimed "YOU'RE SO STRONG AND FAST AND PRETTY AND PERFECT TO BE MY WIFE! PLEASE BE MY WIFE! I'LL DIE WITHOUT YOU!" 

she chuckled sheepishly as she patted zenitsu's back, who was currently latched onto her torso, nuzzling his cheeks onto her soft chest "oh my, but i thought you wanted nezuko-chan to be your wife, zenitsu" she cooed tauntingly as she smiled down at the boy 

"she never answers me!" zenitsu cried as he shoved his face into her chest 

suna sighed loudly as he watched zenitsu thoroughly enjoy his heavenlike experience between her soft mounds. suna sighed again, this time louder and more exaggerated as he side eyed her 

finally, she looked at him and laughed in amusement "is something bothering you, suna-kun?" she asked "hmm, kinda" suna answered as he opened his legs and motioned for her to sit 

'eh? does he want me to sit on him or beside him'  she thought to herself 

"you were so cool, y/n-chan!" atsumu cheered as he grinned widely at her "you never told me you were so fast and flexible like that" atsumu wiggled his brows suggestively paired with a flirty smirk 

"ah well" she smiled nervously as she walked towards suna while gently prying zenitsu off of her 

"tch, shUT UP YOU DAMN GEEZER" osamu scowled as he sent a harsh slap onto the blond's nape "ouCH GODDAMMIT!" atsumu hissed in pain as he slapped osamu back 

"ah, they're a very lively bunch huh, senpai?" tanjiro mused with a smile as he plucked zenitsu off her body "well then, i'll go get some drinks for us all, so you can all just catch up for now" he said "and you're both coming with me" he said in a passively aggressive way as he clutched zenitsu by his haori and inosuke by his mask. he dragged them away, despite zenitsu's whines and inosuke's screaming, leaving the four of them alone 

she smiled blankly as she threw a random towel over the trail of blood that was left by inosuke and walked over to the boys "well then, did you atleast enjoy yourselves?" she asked 

"im sorry if obanai-kun was a little aloof towards you guys" she said 

"its alright bunny" suna replied "and we enjoyed watching ya guys" atsumu said as he ruffled her hair "you were so amazing back there!" 

"you did so well!" osamu joined in, ruffling her hair as well like a bunch of dads "ah geez" she chuckled with a hint of red slowly creeping up her cheeks 

'AGGHSJSNS SO CUTE SO CUTE! THEY'RE SO CUTE!'  she screamed internally 

'THEY'RE TOUCHING MY HAIR!! THIS IS SO WONDERFUL!'  she gushed as she relished in the moment 

"you guys flatter me too much" she said "it wasn't a very serious fight anyways" 

"its way more serious than any fight ive ever seen atleast" suna mused "also, the blood from the pig dude is everywhere" suna gulped as he pointed to the towels she had laid out which had crimson red seeping through it 

she hurriedly jumped on her feet and wiped it off, quickly discarding the towel by simply throwing it out the window "haha, there! no more blood!" she cheered with a beaming smile as she sent them a thumbs up 

the boys sweat drop as the watched the remainder of the mess heavily stain her hands "ah, if you say so" they muttered with a nervous laugh 

the moment was then ruined once again by zenitsu, who came dashing in the room, followed by tanjiro and inosuke "Y/N-SENPAI! LET'S DRINK TEA TOGETHER!" zenitsu exclaimed as he burst in through the doors 

"HAHAHA I'LL DRINK MORE TEA THAN ANY OF YOU, JUST SEE!" inosuke boasted with a laugh "inosuke! you're still injured!" tanjiro scolded him once he walked through the doors after being forced to carry their drinks 

"zenitsu, stop pestering her please" tanjiro sighed tiredly as he placed the tray of drinks on a small table "senpai~" zenitsu cooed out in a lovesick tone as he started chasing her around 

"z-zenitsu-kun??" she huffed out as she ran in circles with him following close behind 

"y/n-senpaiii~" 

"please stop chasing me, zenitsu!" 

after another lap around the room, suna pulled her down on his lap just in time to avoid zenitsu's prying arms "s-suna-kun?!" she shrieked out as her face and neck slowly starts to turn a concerningly bright shade of red 

"calm down, bunny" suna snickered under his breath as he gripped her by the waist to adjust her position on his lap "ack?!!" she squeaked out as she looked ahead into nothingness with a look of disbelief present in her features 

"this is okay, right?" suna cooed into her ear as he rests his chin on her shoulder 

"r-right!" she squeaked out as she continued on looking off into the distance, as if staring at god himself 

"y/n-senpai! t-tanjiro! he-he's taking y/n-senpai!" zenitsu whimpered "senpai!!!" 

"zenitsu, why are you even crying?" tanjiro sweat dropped 

"dang, he's crying now" suna whispered teasingly into her ear. she shuddered, feeling chills run down her back, and her head going all fuzzy 

'ah, is this heaven?'  she gushed 

'am i gonna have a nosebleed?'  she pondered to herself as she gingerly touched her nose 

"are you feeling alright?" suna asked her. she squeaked out followed by incoherent murmurs as suna's toned arms suddenly tightened around her mid area

"hey, are you alright..."

".. senpai?" he cooed in a teasing tone

"ACK! S-SENPAI?!" she shrieked flusteredly, eyes wide and quite literally on the verge of passing out

'agh that was so hot!' she thought to herself

'why was his voice so smooth and erotic?!'

'okay calm down, clam down, calm down'  she chanted repeatedly in her head

'okay, it's alright, im calm. im okay' 

she breathed in and out before smiling in content, turning back to look at suna to hopefully act as normally as she can "yo, bunny, seriously are you okay?" suna asked in genuine concern

'ah, is he messing with me again?'  she huffed

'not this time, im fine now, he can't tease me'  she laughed evilly in her head

"of course!" she beamed cheerfully "really?" suna deadpanned "because you had a nosebleed just now."

"eh?"

she blinked dumbly in response, reaching out to wipe away the blood that was dripping down her nose "Y/N-SENPAI! ARE YOU DYING?!" zenitsu shrieked in horror

"wait wait-" she muttered out in fright "am i?"

"a-AM I DYING?!" she yelled along with zenitsu "you're not dying" tanjiro reassured her with a kind and patient smile 

"really?!"   "yes, senpai."

"really?!"    "you're alright-" 

"SHUT UP ORPHAN BOY! STOP LYING! WE'RE GONNA DIE! I KNEW IT!" zenitsu yelled "i- that's so mean!" tanjiro exclaimed in offense "you're an orphan too!" 

"NO I'M NOT- actually, i am" 

the twins and suna watched them argue with a look of dread on their faces. nervously gulping, osamu raised his voice to ask, "are you guys okay?" 

"definitely." 

"well that's definitely a lie."

[dragynkeep]

I saw that you did top 5 best female & male characters in rwby and why, so i was wondering could you do the same but for 5 rwby worst female & male characters you dislike and why.

luke did this ask before along with the best one so i’mma steal this for me.

worst female characters.

robyn hill  —  hands down one of the most annoying additions to the show. she is meant to be robin hood yet fails in the character’s motivations & ideals in every instance, her outfit / general design are clunky & poorly thought out, her personality has the exact desirability of hot garbage juice & she herself is just as appealing. the only slightly fun thing about robyn is her voice actress, the amazing christina vee & the potential she could’ve had that i really enjoy seeing be brought out in fanfics instead. in canon? robyn can go rot.

blake belladonna  —  our resident all lives matter queen who was meant to be a champion for all minorities watching the show, a bisexual icon & a shining example of an abuse survivor ... only to fail on all three. blake’s influence on the racism storyline only makes her come off as a privileged brat who would lecture those who are just trying to survive & blame them for the actions of a terrorist organization she was part of, & it was dropped as soon as her abusive ex was killed. her actions as an abuse survive are nonsensical at times. & blake wasn’t even confirmed to be bisexual representation until eight years into the show & she / her female love interest still aren’t canonically together while the cishet writers hide behind a slow burn excuse that was never applied to their m / f couples.

ruby rose  —  it sounds nonsensical to say this about our main character & i wouldn’t have put her on this before v7 & 8, but her favouritism by the narrative in those two volumes to the point the story would break it’s back to justify her drove me crazy. i was watching this character who we were meant to root for make mistake after mistake after mistake & hide behind her age & inexperience like a coward; like she hadn’t shoved her way into this war & rejected everyone around her who had experience & wanted to help because they didn’t want to do it her way. ruby behaved like a petulant child & i have no doubt that this isn’t going to change.

cinder fall  —  listen she was always a middling type of character for me, i didn’t hate her but i didn’t love her either. cinder was just cinder, a kind of flat antagonist who didn’t go anywhere; until they tried to make her go somewhere & in doing so had her repeat the same character arc like three times. her “backstory” that was just cinderella lazily copy & pasted eight years after people had been asking for it was the final nail in the coffin for me. they waited too long & got too lazy.

nora valkyrie  —  again, not really a character i thought i would’ve put on here after i really started to like her in volume 4 when she & ren finally began to get character development. they were kind of in the background which annoyed me but they weren’t being obnoxious so it was fine. i want to go back to v4 - 6 so bad lmao; nora in these two volumes has been horrendous. not only did she ignore all of ren’s boundaries when he was trying to ask for space, she thought the appropriate action to him asking for that space & struggling to vocalize it was to kiss him without consent. and then, she co opts his entire arc anyways for v8 & now it’s nora who wants the space & ren is being unreasonable, ren is forcing her boundaries, ren is in the wrong. fuck her stupid ass one liner backstory too. nora dropped so far on my shitlist because of her actions the last two volumes smh.

worst male characters.

qrow branwen  —  again much like ruby & nora; i never thought i’d put qrow on here but his behaviour in these last volume especially has just dropped my fondness for him all the way to the grave lmao. he acts so much like ruby, a petulant child who was told no & lost his favourite toy, while acting like he didn’t specifically break that toy. he went from someone who was level headed, if an absolute asshole to a whiny manchild who spent the entire volume crying in a jail cell about how he was gonna kill his dead boyfriend’s boss because he doesn’t wanna admit he got him killed. & then he forgot about that in the last five minutes to cry about his potentially dead nieces, which only left me thinking, where was your concern about them the rest of this volume qrow? so yeah. on the shitty character list you go buddy.

ghira belladonna  —  i would change my mind & make this dumbass number one but he’s always annoyed me so i’m more settled with that emotion whereas qrow is a new development. but ghira is literally worse than annoying, he’s a useless character who takes up space & actively worsens the plot & the character  —  mainly blake  —  that he’s connected to. everything from his useless pacificism to the fact he’s a privileged faunus living in a mansion while his people are in huts to the fact that he’s now retaken the helm at the head of the white fang like?? what about his mentality has changed & how will that prevent another terroristic faction raising up in result of his negligence towards their people in favour of his own comfort driven pacifism?

hazel rainart  —  sir, your motivation is hokey & your hair is dumb & your braid ribs are giving me nightmares. originally i didn’t have as much of an issue with hazel infantilizing his grown twin sister because i thought we were at least going to get some rebuttal to this man using her death to metaphorically & then physically beat on ozpin. but no, he was validated & then had the gall to use her name in order to guilt trip ozpin in the “ no more gretchens ” line  —  like he hadn’t created dozens of gretchens in mistral with tyrian? sir you are a mass murderer  —  & then went out like an ass in one of the laziest redemption arcs i’ve ever seen. bravo, you suck.

adam taurus  —  he’s really not the highest on this list because i recognize that this is more because of milk & kornflake’s white comfort bleeding into their writing of a marginalized man & less of actually him as a character. adam is a bastard but he’s so much of a hate sink that i can’t take him seriously or hate him because of these traits; if mkek told me he killed puppies as a hobby, i wouldn’t hate adam for that, i’d hate them for continually making him edgier & edgier while ignoring their own racism around his writing.

scarlet david  —  this one’s a little bit of a joke one but also, i just hate this catty fay gay. get back in the closet sir because your face annoys me & your attitude stinks. i’m renting the down with cis bus just to run him over. ♥

[unseeliekey]

kaemiu perhaps? :)

“At a certain point,” Kokichi told her, watching the blaze in the chemistry labs spread despite the best efforts of the sprinklers above, “it starts looking a little bit desperate.”

“Oh, shut up,” Miu replies, lifting up her pink-stained hands in surrender as the teachers of Hope’s Peak came flying down to catch them. “I thought we had better fire safety measures in place after fuckin’ Komaeda and the gym incident. These are science labs. I dunno why everything in them burns so goddamn easily.”

“It’s because you mixed a highly explosive powder in the pink dye,” Ouma sighs, giving a very annoying wave to the upperclassmen evacuating around them. “Which I told you not to do. Just get pigments from Angie like a normal person?”

She elbows him sharply, hands still raised. “As if your stupid fucking blueprints weren’t what spread it everywhere! You always leave them scattered around! This is a place of work, not a doodling workshop, you little twink bitch-”

Her next row of insults are cut off by a sudden boom from within the lab- the fire swelling too fast to process and proceeding to shatter every window in the lab with the heat of it. People are yelling, now.

Miu winces.

Kokichi looks at her thoughtfully for a moment, before leaning up against her with a grin. “Well, look on the bright side.”

She shoves him off her tit and resists the urge to pick him up by his scarf and give him a good shaking, like he’s a badly behaved cat or something. “What?”

His smirk only widens. “This will definitely get Akamatsu-chan’s attention.”

--

Homeroom, after school, one gorgeous girl genius stuck on the class side of the teacher’s desk, one not-quite as gorgeous but still stupidly pretty dumb stupid piano player on the other side, lecturing her.

Really, this is entirely Akamatsu’s fault.

If Akamatsu hadn’t been pretty and nice and somehow stupid enough to continually seek out Miu’s company, to stop by her lab and ask her opinion on festivals and school events even though everyone knows she’ll never agree to Miu’s brilliant ideas anyway, maybe Miu wouldn’t…. Appreciate her, a little. As a fellow intelligent blonde. So that’s her fault, for starters.

And, maybe if Akamatsu wasn’t the sort of idiot who liked to try and “increase class bonding” and “establish a good kinship with the rest of the school,” she wouldn’t have volunteered to host a school dance and put their class in charge of it. 

And if she hadn’t done that, Miu would have never had to watch her turn down a boy from 2A when he asked to go with her.

And she wouldn’t have realized that the idea of Akamatsu taking anyone else to the dumb, shitty school dance that Miu doesn’t even care about- fills her with so much restless, scratchy, jealousy that she can’t even think straight.

Straight. Haha. If Kokichi were here he would have laughed.

Anyway, the point is that when Akamatsu thumps her palms on the desk and leans forward, mouth all twisted up in a scowl and Miu is staring at her lipgloss and wondering what it tastes like, when she asks “just what were you trying to do?” the only answer is “impress you.”

But Miu actually thinks she might die rather than say that, so instead she pulls at her hair and tries not to pout too much. “We were helping! We were building a decorating machine- to help get the gym ready! ‘Cos you were whining so fucking much about how ugly the floor and walls were, batting your eyelashes like you were hoping Saihara would paint it for you-”

Akamatsu’s cheeks go apple-red, curling her hands up and pulling them back. “Ah, geez! That’s not true, and I wasn’t whining, and- and, anyway, how did you make a decoration device explode?”

She’s really hot when she’s angry. Miu thinks about how unfortunate this is for a solid three seconds. “Go big or go home. You wouldn’t get it, you’re too much of an artsy type- inventing shit like this is risk-reward!”

Something in Akamatsu’s forehead twitches. She inhales, like she’s forcing herself to remain calm. “Okay. Okay. Well, maybe next time, don’t take major risks on school property.”

“This is a fucking boarding school!” Miu snaps, gesturing wildly with an arm. “What, you want me to go request a town leave slip every time I gotta work on something?”

“If it’ll keep you from blowing up half the science labs, yes!”

Miu crosses her arms. “You’re just intimidated by my genius brain.”

Akamatsu rolls her eyes in response. She’s so annoying. Class rep. Thinks she’s in charge of everything. Thinks she can just boss Miu around all the time. This is her fault, anyway. “Yes, Iruma-san,” she says, voice dripping with sarcasm. “Your intelligence is what intimidates me, not your complete lack of ability to grasp the concept of danger and consequences. You- you could have been seriously hurt!” Something sparks in her eyes, and she’s leaning on the desk again, angry and passionate and annoying as ever. “You’re lucky you escaped with first-degree burns!”

“I had ‘Kichi with me!” Miu protests.

Akamatsu huffs. “Oh, and I’m sure he would have put your safety first.”

This is a somewhat fair point. (Not that Miu will admit it.) She kind of thinks that Kokichi thinks he’s unkillable, which is why he has so little regard for his own safety and also things like pain. At the same time, Miu also thinks she’s unkillable. That’s what makes them excellent lab partners. If Miu is Frankenstein, Kokichi is Frankenstein’s shrunken hype man who keeps passing him bang energy and surprisingly skillful blueprints to work on.

(Akamatsu, obviously, is Frankenstein’s adopted-not-sister with the pretty hair and eyes who loves him devotedly. Kokichi says that their relationship was fucked up and Miu’s critical analysis skills are flawed. Miu says that she doesn’t give a shit, she’s in it for the science and the drama.)

“Look,” she says, staring sideways so she doesn’t have to look at the almost hurt expression on Akamatsu’s face. “I’m fine. I’ve done this a million times before. And the school’s got insurance or whatever and they already said I can make up for it with after school projects, and-”

“That’s not the point!” Akamatsu cries out, throwing up her hands. “Iruma-san, you can’t- I don’t care if you’ve done this a million times! Sooner or later you’re going to get actually hurt, and excuse me if I don’t want to see that happen!”

Miu blinks. She bites her lip. She tries to fight back the stupid blush on her face.

Akamatsu sighs, pressing her fingers to her forehead. “You’re my friend, Miu,” she says, and the sudden switch to her first name is like a punch to the gut. “I don’t want anything to happen to you, okay? Especially not for some… silly problem I got flustered with.” 

Miu twists her hands through her hair, feeling like a kicked dog. “...It’s not silly. You’ve been freaking yourself out about it for weeks,” she mumbles. She doesn’t look up. “I… you’re arranging this whole big thing, and you won’t let anyone help you, and- I dunno. You were talking for ages about how ugly the gym was.”

“I didn’t say it like that,” Akamatsu protests, but a little softer.

Miu pushes her fingertips together. “Whatever,” she scoffs, and her face still feels all hot. Akamatsu called her Miu. “I don’t even care about your stupid dance, anyway, I just wanted you to stop being so fuckin’ whiny-”

Akamatsu leans over the desk. Miu feels lips, warm and soft, and a little tacky with lipgloss, press against her cheek. 

She thinks she might have died.

Akamatsu looks sheepish but pleased, her face all flushed pink again. “...How about next time, you just come and help me hang up streamers?” She asks, and somehow she sounds a little nervous.

She should be nervous, of course. She’s asking for the company of the world’s number one inventor, asking Iruma Miu to hang out as if she doesn’t have better things to do, as if she isn’t the hottest motherfucker around-

Miu can only nod, clutching at her own shirt. “I’d- yeah. I can- I can do that.”

And Akamatsu smiles like the sun is coming out.

[kimikitty96]

Goodbye Letter to my Eating Disorder

It’s been hard. The past 3 years were so difficult, I’m surprised I haven’t completely lost myself. From having relationship problems, to deaths in my family (my brother and kitty died), to being sexually assaulted in the gym, to almost losing my mom this past year...suffice it to say, it’s been rather difficult. 

I turned to my old “friend”, Edward. We “met” when I was 8 years old, and lost touch when I started working at 21 years old. Or, at least I thought we lost touch; he just put on a mask. But here he was again. He was there for me when I was struggling the most. No one else understood my pain the way he did, and no one numbed me like he did. He gave me the drive and motivation to get out of bed and to go to the gym; he kept me from faltering on my diet and turn to comfort eating; he continued to cheer me on when I made mistakes and would tell me to keep going. When I have injuries, he’d tell me that my initial weight loss was not due to me exercising, but my eating habits and to not worry, I can still continue! When I got sexually assaulted at my gym, he said to me that I never have to go back to that gym, and that I can go anywhere else to get my “Brazilian Booty”. He suggested I take a trip to Vegas and just enjoy myself, then come back and get serious.

He comforted me when my fiance would reject me, saying if I listened to him, I won’t need my fiance because I’d be able to attract the guy I really wanted, that all I needed was a little push. When my kitty passed away, Edward allowed me to grieve and to celebrate her life by going to a buffet and enjoying seafood, on one condition: I had to make sure that I was right back on track by making sure that I would “let my body rest” from food for a couple of days.

Last July (2019), I went into PHP because I knew something was seriously wrong. Edward was no longer helping me. His voice grew louder in my head, and what used to be gentle nudging became more forceful, more frustrated. Here was his evolution:

-”Oh, you want carbs? Well, that’s okay! You can have carbs and use it as energy for the gym when doing cardio/lower body workout tomorrow! Just make sure you lower your fat intake, okay?”

-”Yes! There’s a food festival! Make sure you get your 10k steps before you go, okay? We’ll eat everything we want, just like those fitness people do on YouTube! You’ve earned it!”

-”Oh, you gained weight...again. I mean...maybe you should lower your calories again. You’re eating a bit more than you’re supposed to, so just make sure your weekly calories are where they’re supposed to be.”

-”Lord, you failed an exam??? Okay, you need to hit the gym harder so you can focus better.”

-”[Fiance] refused to touch you again? It’s been a month since the last time? Why do you even want him to touch you at this point? You should just think about that guy who molested you at the gym, since that’s all you can get at this point.”

“You failed another exam? Jesus christ, you need to focus harder. You’ll never finish community college and get into [#1 dream school] if you continue like this! But if you let your body rest from food, you’ll have mental clarity and will remember your course material better.”

-”Oh, fiance said no to you again. You really need to stop having these “cheat days” or “cheat meals”. He’s getting more and more grossed out by you every day.”

-“Why can’t you just stop eating the junk foods you’re eating? You were able to do it before. You’re so stupid, you can’t even get this right. You know what? I’m going to test your willpower. Go out and buy junk food, and stare at it and say no!”

-”See, he’s flirting with so many other women at his work. This is why he won’t touch you. You’re stupid and ugly; you’re worth nothing unless you are at the top of your class, and weigh less than [UGW]!”

-”Why can’t you stop eating?!?! Why do you have the willpower of a drug addict?! You’re nothing! Get rid of that! You don’t deserve your meal! GET RID OF IT NOW!”

-”JESUS CHRIST, YOU ARE FUCKING STUPID! IT’S YOUR FAULT YOUR FIANCE DON’T WANT YOU! YOU’RE WORTH LESS THAN NOTHING! YOU DESERVED BEING GROPED AT THE GYM BECAUSE THAT IS YOUR WORTH!”

-”See? You failed a class you already took! This is how stupid and [ableist expletive] you are. You can’t even do that shit right. YOU ARE NOTHING. YOU HAVE NEGATIVE WORTH.”

-”Your brother died because he had diabetes. Your mother almost died because of diabetes. They couldn’t control; the shit they put in their mouths, and you will end up with the same fate because your dumb ass can’t even say no to a chip.”

-”Oh, you lost another friend? That’s because you’re a piece of shit. You’ve always been a piece of shit. You deserve to be alone. No one should be subjected to the bullshit that is you. You should just KYS.”

-”No, you can’t have that! You can’t touch food unless I say so! I don’t care that it’s been a week!”

-”No don’t touch food! It’s all poison! It’s going to kill you! Look what it did to your mom and brother! You’re gonna lose your dad too because all food is poison! DON’T TOUCH ANY FOODSTUFFS!!!”

*Me, fainting, at home alone, because I haven’t eaten in a week and my heart rate is in the low 50′s*

-”Why are you being an attention whore? Stop your bitch ass whining and go pee.”

*My response* “Bitch, there’s no one here! Who am I being an attention whore to, my cats?!”

-”Yes! Now stop being a whiny bitch and go pee!”

-”Why are you still here? Why aren’t you doing everyone on this earth a favor and disappear. No one would miss you. They’re not even thinking of you right now. No one misses you now. Everyone is just pretending to like you because they feel sorry for you. They actually really hate you. Just disappear. They don’t want you around anyway.”

-”Leave. Disappear. No one wants you. Just take [redacted], and go to sleep.”

Edward was not helping me. He made it seem like he was, but he wasn’t. He entered my life during a time when I was vulnerable and made me believe he would be my redemption. He knew me; he knew what was best for me. He could make me better/stronger/more beautiful/more desirable/smarter; all I had to do was listen.

That’s not who he is. He is a monster. He’s worse than that; he is pure evil that nothing and no one should ever allowed in. He took what I give him, and it’s not enough. It’s never enough. Once I did what he told me to do, he tells me to go farther because while it’s good, I can do better; I can be better. He destroyed everything I touch and turned it against me so that I couldn’t rely on anyone but him. He isolated me and introduced me to his partner-in-crime, Shame. The more Edward spoke, the more Shame consumed. 

When I thought Edward was giving me drive and motivation to go workout so I could improve myself, in reality, he was telling me my body was grotesque and that I needed to punish myself because I mistreated my body. When he tried to keep me from faltering on my diet, he was telling me I shouldn’t eat [xyz] so I can be healthy, when in reality, he was encouraging me to binge/purge/restrict/fast, causing heart palpitations, unstable-low blood pressure, gastrointestinal distress, brain fog, increased bouts of depression, and severe low self esteem; instead of being healthy, he made me extremely unhealthy. When he continued to cheer me on whenever I injured myself due to too much physical exertion and would tell me to “reign my diet in”, the reality was that he caused these injuries by telling me that I had to keep going no matter how hard I trained, that I couldn’t eat enough calories so I could heal and recover, and that even though I was injured, I couldn’t rest and had to continue to exercise. When I got sexually assaulted at my gym, he graciously allowed me to transfer gyms and continue to workout and ignore my mental health when in reality...he wanted to keep me mentally weak so that I would continue to rely on him because he made clothes fit better.

He made it so clothes can fit better; clothes I bought, that I wasn’t allowed to wear, because my body wasn’t where he wanted it to be, therefore I didn’t deserve to wear them yet. 

The past few months have been the most difficult out of the 3 years I’d been struggling; COVID, finishing school and transferring to uni, cheating on my fiance, my mom almost dying (twice), and really delving deep inside me to come to terms with everything I went through and being completely honest with myself...I never want to go through that again. But I am extremely grateful I did, because I saw who Edward really was. I saw him for the toxic, vile, awful evil entity he always was, and now I get to say goodbye.

To Edward:

Thank you for who you were when you back into my life (again). Thank you for helping me cope with my issues, and for keeping my head afloat; you did the best you could, given the circumstances you had. I was broken, hurt, lost, and saw nothing good in me. You showed me that I can be better, and that I can do better. I just have to push a little harder, and I’ll eventually get what I want.

You gave me something to hold on to in the beginning, and thankfully, I figured out your toxicity before it was too late for me. This is me telling you that I want to part ways. I know you’ll still be around, because you are my oldest “friend”, and I know you will do your very best to get me to succumb to your ways. But like you taught me, if I just have a little bit of willpower and a little bit of strength and perseverance, I can achieve what I want; that the only person stopping me is myself. I can either move forward, or sabotage myself once more; it was, and is, completely up to me, isn’t that right?

Thank you for the lessons you taught me. I will utilize them to fight you every single day of my life. Yes, I will have setbacks. Yes, I will falter. But like you taught me; if I falter, I need to keep going. What was it you used to tell me? If I miss a workout, or eat something I wasn’t supposed to, that I needed to work twice as hard the next day? That’s exactly what I’m going to do. If I let you in, I will tell myself that it’s okay to make a mistake, and that I can always turn my back on you whenever you appear. The only difference between your lesson and my OWN words is that I will forgive myself for allowing you back in. 

I want to thank you for all the vitriolic words you’ve shouted at me. If it weren’t for that, I would’ve never seen the kindest words uttered to me by the ones who do love and care about me (yes, the people in my life love me despite your insistence that they don’t). I want to thank you for the discipline you’ve instilled upon me. If it weren’t for that, I would’ve never remembered the drive I have at succeeding at endeavors that mean a lot to me. And you know what means a lot to me? 

I MEAN A LOT TO ME!

So I will work my hardest to make sure I fight you every single god damn day of my life, and in doing so, empower me to be the best me I can. And you know what it means to be the best me? It’s to be my most authentic and honest and forgiving self. I means I can finally love and appreciate me the way I love and appreciate everyone in my life.

This is my goodbye. Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

Kitty 

[eirist]

A Taste of Summer II

A TASTE OF SUMMER

One-shot #: 4

Disclaimer: One Piece (and its characters) belongs to Eiichiro Oda-sensei.

Reminder: I have no beta-reader. Any grammatical and spelling errors are solely mine.

Warning: OOC possible. One shot.

Rating: T

Note: I did say I planned to finish the prompts from the ZoNami Week 2020 at zonamievents in Tumblr. This is Day 4: Lemons and Oranges. It took a long time since it’s been hectic in work these past months, I can only manage drabbles. I have a lot of work-in-progress stories waiting for me to finish them. Anyway, enjoy my better late than never one-shot.

Summary: The moment he stepped inside it, the fruits’ fragrances wafted towards him, surrounding him. Sweet. Citrusy.

The island was idyllic… quiet even. It feels like they were the only ones who are currently there.

Which turns out to be the case.

According to Robin—and the documents she unearthed from the enormous library of the island’s dazzling villa—it was once owned by a rich couple.

It was their own private paradise but they abandoned the place for a reason most could guess… they realized how susceptible they are—living on an island which was smack right into the path of sailing pirates.

What a waste. He wasn’t a fan of summer islands but Zoro had to admit, even he was awestruck with how divine the place is.

It was utterly exquisite and amazing.

The previous owners were fools to let such a gem go. It was the perfect getaway island. 

And all of his crewmates think so too. As they are spending another day docked there—exploring, relaxing and just taking everything in.

Heaven knows how the Straw Hats need a break from all that fighting.

Zoro left the others dilly-dallying in the villa’s patio overlooking the great view of the sea and the stone port with the Thousand Sunny docked beside it, bobbing idly above the blue water.

He strode towards a random direction despite protests from Usopp and the stupid cook that he will definitely get lost.

Damn them! He does not get lost. How many times do they have to go over this?!

Nami had done an ocular from the crow’s nest right after they had anchored. The island wasn’t that big, you can actually circle it in a day and a half.

How will he get lost in that? Idiots!

He grumpily trudged forward, following the graveled path that was leading away from the villa. He can hear Luffy's shouts of glee as Sanji announced a barbecue soiree some time later. 

Zoro shook his head. As much as the dumb cook hates to admit it, he'd been spoiling everyone rotten in this vacation of sorts... 

Not that he’s complaining. There is food. There is sake. He wasn't an ungrateful bastard after all.

The balmy breeze from the ocean swept across him, bringing in the salty smell of the sea. That, coupled with the warm temperature and the soothing rhythm of the waves crashing on the shore was enough to make him dozy.

Yawning widely, he decided to just look for a good place to nap instead of exploring the area like he initially meant to do. 

He'll do it later. Or tomorrow... as it seems like everyone was still willing to stay for one more day. 

The path he was following veered towards the left. He hesitated for a moment, his body unconsciously steering towards the opposite direction—one without a paved trail and bordered with thick foliage no one can pass through. 

He grunted and contemplated whether or not he would cut and make his own way... but he didn't want anyone nagging him about how not to destroy everything in front you.

Especially one loud-mouthed, orange-haired navigator. 

He doubts if he'd be able to take on her yapping from the way he was reacting to her as of late.

Running a hand through his hair exasperatedly, he sighed and did a double take. He didn’t realize that he was now near the villa’s wide back patio.

There were stone steps leading down to a garden below filled with trees and plants blooming with different summer fruits and flowers. A paved walkway snaked across the expanse of the area leading to a tunnel-shaped trellis with lemon and orange trees growing on them, providing shade to anyone who would dare walk into it. The branches were intertwined above, the fruits hanging like dozens of prized crystals on a chandelier—their alternating colors of orange and yellow among the green leaves were pleasing to look at.

Zoro grinned and made his way towards it. Would you look at that? He found a perfect place to nap.

The moment he stepped inside it, the fruits’ fragrances wafted towards him, surrounding him. 

Sweet. Citrusy.

Just like Nami.

He made a tch-ing sound. He was thinking about her. Again. 

Seems like he's been doing it a lot recently. A lot.

He couldn't understand it at first. It was all so foreign to him.

It had taken Zoro sometime before he figured out what was really happening. And it took an even longer period before he finally acknowledged it. 

When they finally faced each other after their two years separation... everything just came crashing down on him. 

She had greeted him with the warmest smile on her face as they ran into each other—both intending to take a break from the celebration party held at Fish-Man Island.  

In that moment... he just got lost in her. 

And Zoro didn't know if it was the same with her. Or if that is even possible with her. 

But he can clearly see now that it is. 

And that threw him off because he was honestly not expecting it. 

He scratched the back of his head in frustration. All this thinking is really making his head ache. Especially after the recent events where they both seem to find themselves in that specific moment before a kiss happens. 

Should it? 

Fate seems to be pointing to the fact that it should, given how the two of them always end up in the same situation every time they are near each other. 

He wasn't a firm believer of signs and such, but given the circumstances… it seems like it was really inevitable. 

And it's not like he didn't want to kiss her. He absolutely wants to. Even more now after the whole water gun spectacle and how their lips were so close… almost grazing each other’s right after they had resurfaced from the ocean with their eyes locked on each other’s.

They were interrupted by the idiot cook yelling threats and throwing one of the water guns at his head. 

Nami had moved away from him almost immediately. And the look she gave him had his curiosity piqued. 

It was the same one he saw on her face while they were hiding behind the makeshift shelter in the midst of the water gun battle—a cross between understanding and acceptance.

The slight thud of a fruit dropping near him broke his thoughts. He stared at the orange globe as it rolled a few centimeters away, surprised that it didn't explode from the height of the fall. 

He picked it up, toying with it for a moment, enjoying the firmness of it in his hand. He ran his thumb across its smooth surface. His lips quirked up. He always secretly enjoyed the fact that her hair was the same shade as this orange and her beloved mikans. 

Damn it to hell he's turning to that aho cook now.

He casually threw the fruit up in the air and caught it. He decided to throw those thoughts aside as well for now and enjoy this little snack before settling down for a nap. 

He proceeded to peel it and then did a double take again. 

He didn't notice it before, but the citrus tunnel was leading to another area. 

Zoro moved towards the end of it to check. His eyebrows rose and he marveled at the wide orchard of lemon and orange trees before him. It was smartly hidden from the view that you cannot see it from the villa, giving it a kind of a secret place ambiance.

A smile appeared on his face again as he took in the perfectly lined trees before him. There was an odd feeling of satisfaction at their alignment, at the interchanging colors of their fruits, their stark contrast against the swaying green leaves.

"Zoro?"

He dropped the orange he was holding.  

Damn he should have known the chances of running into her are high.

Really, really high.

He turned towards the direction of her voice. Nami was standing between the rows of orange and lemon trees, with one hand on her hips as she regarded him. 

“Are you my back-up?”

Zoro paused for a moment and cocked an eyebrow at her when he couldn't figure out what she meant by that. “Your what?”

Nami blew at her bangs in exaggerated exasperation. “I mean, are you here to help me?” She asked again, nudging one basket filled with fruits with her feet.

Zoro's eye hovered at the containers near her legs.

She's fruit-picking? Voluntarily??? 

But Nami had them for that. She can easily order every—and any—one of them to do it for her. 

Especially him or that stupid love cook.

Pigs must be flying somewhere on this island.

"What is that?" He definitely and dumbly had to ask that.

"Uh fruits?" Nami raised an eyebrow at him. "Specifically lemons and oranges... shall I introduce you to them? Feels like you still haven't made acquaintances of each other."

"Very funny witch," he growled. "And no I'm not your back-up."

A frown marred her features. "Then why are you here? Usopp didn't send you? I specifically ask him to send someone to help me!"

Zoro gave her an unamused look. "Like he can order me around."

"Hmm true but…" She tapped a finger to her cheek, pondering. Then she waved her hand dismissively. "Well since you are here, I guess I'll have to make use of you somehow."

"No thanks. I need to nap now."

She gaped at him. "Seriously Zoro? Are you a kid? How many naps do you need per day?!"

He just shrugged. Sure, they may be on the verge of acting on the attraction that they had for each other and kiss somehow in the near future...

But damn if he will obey her just like that. 

He wasn't ero-cook after all. 

"Tell you what, I'll just go and tell your stupid cook to help you out."

"But you’re already here..." Nami pointed out, her tone turning a bit whiny. "Besides you will just get lost and never make it to Sanji-kun or back to me!"

"Oi!"

“Just help me out Zoro.”

“Why?”

“Because I can’t carry them by myself!”

“Just drag them or something. I’m not your pack-mule.”

“What’s the use of those stupid arms you tone every day? For display only?!” Nami hissed at him.

Zoro threw her a smirk, fighting the urge to flex just to irritate her more. “Yes.”

“Zoro!”

"It's your damn fault for trying to do this by yourself," the green-haired man grunted. Honestly, why didn't she ask him or anyone else in their crew to accompany her?

But him… especially. 

Damn that dumbass cook is contagious!

Maybe she needed to be alone with her thoughts as well just like you. A tiny, eety, beety voice that sounded a lot like Chopper reminded him. 

Nami stared at him surprised. "You mean, I should've asked you to come with me earlier?"

That snapped him into attention as his ears turned red. "That's not what I meant!"

"But you said I should've asked you," she repeated.

“I didn’t say anything like that!”

The navigator pouted. “Well I’m pretty sure you were insinuating that.”

“Temee…”

"Anyway, you were napping. Thought it'd be better not to wake you up."

There was never a time in their lives that she was this considerate of him. Regardless of how deep he was sleeping, Nami will most definitely wake him up just to order him to do something. 

Her mischievous smile had his guard up. 

Cheeky witch!

“I’m heading back,” he grumbled. “I’ll go tell your idiot prince that you need help.”

“Zoro!”

He ignored her screech and turned away from her.

The less time he spends with her... the better. It lowers the chance of them finally kissing until it blows over and they completely forgot it even have a chance to occur.

Because honestly, he doesn't know what to do after it. Or what will happen after it. 

That is something he still doesn't know the answer as of yet. 

“Why you…” Nami seethed as he started walking away. He was really grating every single nerve in her body with his no-nonsense attitude, even after everything that happened these past weeks.  

She grabbed a lemon from the basket and threw it at him. Hard. Channeling all the bottled up frustrations in her on that action.

"Take that you idiot!”

It hit him on the back, putting a stop to his stride.

Nami seized another fruit and threw it again… this time hitting the stupid, lazy man on his head.

Zoro growled lowly when he saw the yellow fruits bounced down the ground after hitting him.

“Nami!” He shouted, pivoting sharply towards her…

…and promptly got hit on the side of his face, this time with an overripe orange.

The fruit splattered on contact, its juices dripping down his face and neck.

His jaw clenched as his eyes settled on a cheekily smiling Nami who had another fruit in her hand, throwing it up on the air and catching it.

And he knows, damn he knows this is her payback for ignoring her request and for his stunt a few days ago…

…and for hesitating to kiss her and acknowledging what was between them... all rolled into one.

She moved swiftly and threw the orange in her hand again.

This time he effortlessly caught it, before a sneer appeared on his face.

He crushed the fruit in his grip and threw it back at her.

Nami yelped as she tried to get away in time, but the fruit remains still caught her and splattered on her chest and face. In a split second, he had another fruit in his grasp, crushing and throwing it at her again.

She squealed when she saw him broke into a run, heading towards her looking like he was going to tackle her down the ground.

She immediately turned, but not before throwing two random fruits at him and ran, dodging the trees that lined the orchard as fast as her feet will take her. She randomly changed directions, running towards the left then switching to the right…

Knowing Zoro’s ability to get lost in a straight line, she’d be able to throw him off the chase.

Her lungs were burning, her breaths coming out in gasps. Her hair whipped wildly behind her as the ribbon she had tied on loosened and was blown away by the wind.

She should feel threatened, afraid somehow. She doesn’t know what Zoro has in store for her once he caught her.

But she was laughing.

She circled a random tree, trying to catch her breath. Carefully she peered back at the direction where she came from. The swordsman was nowhere to be seen.

It was all so crazy. Crazy yet fun. She ran a hand through her now tousled locks. The ribbon she had on earlier must’ve fallen away when she dashed along the orchard.

Oh she will make him pay for this of course. This is his fault anyway. He was the one who started chasing her.

The smell of the fruits filled her nose. She pouted a bit at the stickiness of the juices clinging in her skin and sundress. Yet, the scents brought comfort to her and she let herself relax for a moment. Zoro was probably on the other side of the orchard, given how he always ends up on the opposite of where he’s supposed to go.

Trust him to really get lost in a straight line.

It was silent now, except for her heavy breaths and the sound of the sea. The wind started to pick up from the ocean, blowing lightly along the expanse of the citrus orchard. Citrusy scent filled the air, reminding her of that it is summer.

The breeze tousled her long, orange curls and she closed her eyes as it blew stronger.

Almost immediately it stopped. At the same time a shadow loomed over her, blocking the sun and the wind as well.

“Found ya.”

Her eyes flew open in surprise. Zoro was now in front of her, grinning roguishly. She honestly thought she lost him in the maze of orange and lemon trees with all the twist and turns that she made.

On instinct, she automatically moved to ran away again. But Zoro caged her in his arms preventing her escape.

“Oh no you don’t.”

She squealed in protest when his hands—still sticky from the fruits—held her by the arms.

Nami tilted her head and laughed. There were remnants of the lemons and oranges she threw at him earlier sticking on his face and shirt.

Still chortling, she reached out to wipe them off his face. He did the same for her, plucking some bits and pieces from her hair.

They were standing so close to each other now—a sticky mess with their breaths heaving and intermingling with each other’s.

Her hands found themselves resting flat on his chest while his had slid down to both of her elbows.

They were looking at each other, painfully aware that they are in that instant before a kiss again, waiting on who is brave enough to make the first move.

It was Nami who broke the moment first.

“Ok. Ok. I give up!” She snickered and grinned at the sheer childishness of what they had just done.

They were supposedly ruthless pirates, weren’t they?

“I’m charging you for all these Zoro.”

Zoro chuckled and released her. “How about I lug your baskets back as you want then we’ll just call it quits.”

“No.”

“Damn woman!”

“Oh no, no,” Nami shook her head as she forced herself to she step away from him. “You ruined a sundress, cost me a hair ribbon and I’m not even touching the fact that you threw fruits at me and chased me all throughout this orchard.”

“Oi! You were the one who did the throwing first!” The green-haired man retorted.

“Dame.” She poked a finger to his chest.

“Fine!” He said grouchily. But to her astonishment, he smiled at her. “Let’s head back.”

Nami nodded. “Yeah. I need a bath. I’ve been here for hours. Plus I feel sticky. No thanks to you.”

Zoro just threw her a smirk.

She followed him along the rows of citrus trees. It seems like now is still not the right time for them. There was still that hesitation… an uncertainty that lingers on the air between them, mostly from Zoro’s part.

And Nami had decided that she wouldn’t make the first move. She would wait for him. Because when he does… that means he is finally ready to deal with what’s between them and everything that comes with it.

For now she’ll just bask in these little, special moments with him.

The wind blew around them again, the citrus’ scents drifting up in the air once more. She was quite amazed that he was able to make his way back to where they had left the baskets of lemons and oranges.

Zoro was about to grab one, then he stopped.

Nami stared at him with a curious gaze. “Is there a problem?”

He looked back at her. With a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips, he shook his head. He had this expression on his face that clearly indicates he just realized something.

Taking a step closer to her, he watched her warm brown eyes widened in a mixture of surprise and excitement. 

"Zoro?"

The swords will dull if you do the opposite of what you really feel. 

Of course. He really is an idiot.

He bent down, finally claiming her lips with his. His arms went around her to pull her close so he could savor the feeling, the moment, the reality that he finally came to terms with what he really needed to do and what he wanted to do. 

She sighed softly and he felt the smile tugged at the corners of her lips as her own arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him closer to her and deepening their kiss. 

The essences of the fruits had found their way to her lips at their antics earlier. He savored the taste on her—the sweetness of the oranges, the tanginess of the lemons...

It was summer on her lips. 

And he was now addicted to it. 

[ripspaghet]

bff | 05

↳ series m.list | 00 | 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 |

→ pairing: yoongi x reader

→ word count: 4,702

Prologue Summary; Your best friend's boyfriend takes an unhealthy interest in you and just as he shows up something from your past starts to creep up on you again. Could this strange and mysterious man have something to do with it? And should you trust him, or your instincts to run far, far away from him?

→ warnings: angst, swearing, alcohol, mentions of smut, cheating

The very next day the weather finally starts to lighten up. The sun is out with not a cloud in sight, although the air is still chilled. You've become eager to get back to your classes. After having Jimin take care of you a full day, you feel you might murder him. He's been teasing you constantly, trying to feed you like you a helpless baby, and let's just say you didn't really appreciate it. Still, you thank him several times over, promising to make it up to him, which he's sure to take full advantage of.

"Party? This weekend?"

You sigh, kicking a rock as you walk along the corridor, leading to your next class, "Why does it always have to be a party with you? You never even hang out with me when we go. You ditch me for those two idiots of yours."

"As I recall when you first met one of those idiots you called him hot and said you'd-"

"Okay!" Your panicked tone reaches an all-time high, not wishing to recall your first impression of a particular frat boy.

Jimin laughs at you and stops walking just before reaching the lecture hall, "So, you'll go with me?"

"As if I have a choice."

"Great! Tae said he-"

"____? I heard you were really sick." Mina approaches the two of you, her boyfriend not too far behind her, his eyes already fixed on you. Great.

You watch as he comes up closer to Mina, placing his arm around her waist and pulling her into him as his gaze bleeds into yours, "Glad to know you're feeling better, ____." 

His cold voice makes you shift your eyes away immediately, your face turning a shade of red that's starting to become all too familiar.

"Yes, I made her all better. Didn't I, honey?" Jimin leaned down and pressed a kiss to your cheek, which you respond to by pushing him away and slapping him on the chest.

"Don't put your lips anywhere near me."

He frowns and whines as you turn away from him, "Why? That's not what you told me to do yesterday."

"Are you drunk? Stop making stuff up and get to class." You don't bother turning around this time, heading into the lecture hall.

"Yah," You hear Mina slap Jimin, "what did you do to her?"

"Ah! S-stop hitting me! She's been like that since yesterday, it has nothing to do with me!"

The rest of the week carries on relatively fast, as you do nothing but study and go to your classes. Anytime Mina, Jimin, or anybody offers to hang out you decline. You haven't been in the mood and your reasoning was that same indecipherable feeling that still burned in your chest. Your nearest guess was that it had something to do with that damn piano Yoongi made you sit at, last Sunday. Bad memories resurfacing is enough to put anyone in this kind of mood, right? You can't even be bothered with the dozens of missed calls on your phone. You hadn't spoken to him in a year and you weren't about to break that record when simply seeing his name light up your phone filled you with dread.

"You're still coming?" Jimin raised an eyebrow at you, utterly surprised.

"I'm standing in front of you fully dressed and ready for a party and you're asking me if I'm bailing on you or not?"

"It's just, you haven't been in the brightest of moods this week. I thought, maybe you were having second thoughts."

You roll your eyes and push him out of the doorway so you can shut the door behind you and lock it. "Since when do you care if I have second thoughts about a party?"

"Since you don't seem okay," He whispers this time, a genuinely concerned expression dulling his features.

You put your arm around his and try to pull him along only to have him stop you, "I'm fine. Let's go have fun."

"Did someone break your heart, ____?"

You swivel your head back around, "What?"

"I don't know?" He scratched his head, "You seem so different lately. I mean you just said, 'Let's go have fun.' Normally, you hate being dragged to parties. You complain the whole time and ask me to take you home every five seconds."

You laugh and raise an eyebrow at the ridiculous assumption, "So, you think someone has broken my heart, simply because I'm taking your advice to have fun?"

"You-" He's cut off when your phone goes off. You pull it from your purse and quickly reject it.

"Telemarketers." You lie.

Looking at you seriously Jimin sighs, "I'm just worried. I don't want to take you to this party and you get super drunk and do something stupid cause you're sad." 

With a sigh and nod, you speak with an understanding ton, "I appreciate that you worry about me Minie, but I'm fine. I've just been stressed lately because of exams. I want to blow off some steam."

He looks at you hesitantly before nodding, not sure if he should believe you or not.

Jimin really is such a good friend. He genuinely cares so much, even for the smallest of things. But, despite what he thinks, this isn't your first time indulging in a party like this. Back when you were a freshman all you did was go to parties. Which is, for the most part, what made you hate them so much. You always did dumb things and alcohol didn't make your decision-making skills any better. You'd even started a pretty bad reputation for yourself, that you erased through the years of becoming a shut-in.

After arriving at the party Jimin led you to the drinks and the two of you had at least two full cups together before you decided you wanted to dance. The logical part of your brain was screaming to go home before doing something you'd regret, but that stinging feeling in your chest demanded it be fed and you didn't want to feel it anymore. You sure as hell didn't want to hear your anxiety ramping up because of it, so you drank just enough to null the noise.

You pull Jimin towards the dance floor, taking him by surprise, and making his drink sloshing in his cup, "Wait, I-"

"Since when does ____ dance?" A husky voice interrupts the two of you, making you turn your head, "Or know how to have fun for that matter?"

Tall, tanned, and handsome to the point of being downright beautiful, stood in the doorway of the kitchen watching you with an unreadable expression is Taehyung. You have to force your mouth shut to keep from gasping at the sight of him. Any other day, you'd duck your head and run at the sight of him - although, unfortunately for you - you've already consumed a hefty amount of alcohol.

"Whole new ____, right?" Jimin smiled, composing himself before patting your head and, to your surprise, making you jump.

"I'll say," Taehyung looks you up and down, "she's even dressed for the occasion."

"____, how about you go dancing with Taehyung? I promised Kookie I'd be his bodyguard tonight and I can't leave him hanging forever."

You glance up at Jimin then back at Taehyung. Again, under normal circumstances, you never in a million years would agree to dance with Taehyung, knowing damn well where it'd take you. You'd also be curious and confused as to why Jungkook would need a bodyguard, but - for like the billionth time - these weren't normal circumstances and all you did was nod.

"Just don't stay gone all night. You promised you wouldn't ditch me this time." 

Jimin laughs and pats your head endearingly again, "Sure thing, honey."

You reach up and pat Jimin on the cheek, returning the gesture by smiling brightly up at him. His eyes widen, not expecting you to return the teasing gesture, "Have fun, honey," 

"W-who are you?" Jimin's cheeks flush pink, but you only laugh before leaving him. You take Taehyung's arm in yours and he looks down at you with the same stunned expression, "Show me your best moves, Tae."

Excitement quickly replaces his awe and bubbling up in his eyes at this whole new side of you, "Yes, ma'am."

You pull him to the dance floor with you and once there you let your body do the talking as you move rhythmically to the best that vibrates through the house.

Taehyung just froze, his lips parting at the sight of you.

You're unable to contain a giggle at the sight of his dumbfounded expression, "What are you doing? Dance with me." You grab his hands and pull him to you, swaying your hips from side to side. 

Taehyung follows your instructions and begins moving with you, his hand moving to your hip as he leans in closer, "Since when are you not being a buzzkill?"

You pout your bottom lip at his use of words, "I'm not a buzzkill, I just haven't been in the mood up until now."

Taehyung laughs at your whiny response, his eyes falling on your lips, "You know? I never understood it before, but now it all makes sense."

"What does?"

"You and Jimin, I thought the two of you were complete opposites before and it didn't make any sense to me why he follows you around like a lost puppy." You move your hands up to his biceps and rest them on his shoulders. Your eyes urging him to continue, "The two of you are a lot more alike than I thought. You just bury it deep, while Jimin wears it on his sleeve."

You tilt your head, "And what exactly is it that I'm burying?"

"That thing that could get anyone into bed with you any time you want." He leans in, his deep voice sultry.

"Are you saying that only me and Jimin have that? You don't have it?"

"Well, obviously not. Otherwise, I would've had you in bed with me the day we met."

You shake your head and smirk at him. Might as well play along with him. "How do you know that it just doesn't work on me?"

"Tell me," He leaned in closer, "if Jimin were to seriously try fucking you - you wouldn't you be inclined to say yes?"

Your cheeks flush his use of words and the mere idea of them, but you laugh it off as the effects of alcohol starting to kick in, "Even if I were it would never be anything more than that, so I'd turn him down."

Taehyung pulls back, surprised, "Why?"

"Jimin is my best friend and like I said, sleeping with him would never be anything more than sleeping with him. I know that's the case for me, but I don't know if that's the case for Jimin. Whether he says it is or not, I couldn't trust what he says. If he felt differently, he would say whatever I wanted to hear, not the truth."

"Are you implying that he might fall for you? Because I think it's a bit too late for that." He chuckles and this time you roll your eyes.

"Me and Jimin find each other sexually attractive, but there's no romance. It's just friendship. People can easily mistake a great friendship for romance. I mean, even great sex can be misleading."

"So, what's the deal-breaker, huh? What is it that you and Jimin don't have?"

You stare at him for a moment, wondering to yourself why he's so interested in your relationship with Jimin before answering him, "There's no fire. No passion or pull between us."

His eyes flicker at your words, "You're not secretly in love with him and just pulling my leg, right?"

"What?" You burst into laughter, "Why is this so important to you?"

Taehyung's face stays serious as it flickers with something akin to lust, "____, when did you get so alluring? I thought you were an innocent virgin."

You try to bite back your laughter at his ridiculous statement and serious face. Surprisingly, he isn't all that good at flirting. His looks more than made up for what he's lacking though as his eyes have you leaning in closer. You put your lips next to his ear, your excuse being, so you wouldn't have to yell over the music, "I'm only alluring when I wanna allure someone, that doesn't make me a virgin."

"Really?" He put his other hand on the small of your back, "Does that mean you're trying to allure me right now?"

You frown, pulling away from him, "Trying?" 

His eyes turn dark at the loss of contact and he reaches to bring you back to him, but you only move further out of his reach, a smirk pulling up your lips, "If you want me, come and get me, Tae." 

He moves instantly, a smirk playing on his own lips as he follows you through the crowd of sweaty bodies until you're out of it and heading up the stairs of the frat house. You know exactly where you're leading him, but you weren't one to proudly admit you'd done this before. And if you were in your right mind right now you wouldn't be caught dead doing this again, especially with someone like Taehyung. Although, the closer your body gets to him the further the burning in your chest gets. It's fading into the background, just like you want.

You let him catch you at the top of the stairs and he wraps his arms around your waist, "What are you up to? Don't you know where these stairs lead?"

"I'm not sure. You wanna show me around?" You play dumb, preferring Taehyung not have any clue of your past endeavors.

He pushes you against the wall, hands roaming on your sides, "How drunk are you?"

"I've only had two or three drinks." Your breath catches in your throat when he lowers his mouth to your neck. Your hand moves to his hair and you close your eyes, savoring the way his teeth feel as they softly nip at you.

"So, you won't be mad if you wake up naked next to me in the morning?" 

You gasp as his tongue runs up the length of your neck, "I won't."

He hums softly in your ear before picking you up by your thighs, making it so you have to wrap your legs around his waist. He carries you to a nearby room and shuts the door behind him with his foot with - what appears to be - practiced ease. It doesn't bother you all too much though, seeing as you were only doing this to distract yourself, to begin with. You want all emotional baggage to be left at the door, or thrown out a window at this moment. You don't wanna think.

Taehyung drops you down onto the bed in the center of the room and you can't help but giggle as the force of the fall makes you bounce.

"Fuck," He smiles at you infectiously before lunging forward, his hands and lips devouring you, "you could easily make any man fall in love, ____."

A sharp throb stabs through your chest at his words, your smile falling as a distinct pair of dark eyes cross your mind. His hands move down your thighs and squeeze, pulling them apart to settle between them. Too lost in the remembrance of lingering stares and innocent touches, you don't even realize where your imagination has taken you as he presses his thigh against your core, coaxing a desperate moan out of you. Your eyes flutter shut as you let your arousal take over, pale fingertips run along your sides, his dark hair tickling your skin as he marks your neck, and his usual calm and gravelly voice growls as you mewl with desire.

"You sound so pretty." Just then his lips press to yours, his tongue running along your lower lip. 

Yoongi.

"Stop!" You push Taehyung off of you, panicked and breathless.

"What? What's wrong?" Taehyung sits up at the end of the bed on his knees, confused by the sudden rejection.

"I-I'm really sorry about this, but I need to go." You scramble off of the bed, fixing your clothes and hair.

Taehyung's quick to get up and follow after you, "Did I do something?"

"No, I-" You squeeze your eye's shut and shake your head in disbelief. Sure, you've fantasized about people before but never against your own will, let alone about your best friend's fucking boyfriend. "I'm not in the right head-space right now. I-" You pause glancing back at Taehyung, "You didn't do anything wrong."

He places his hand on your waist, "____, don't go. We don't have to do anything. We can just cuddle?"

"I need to go."

"What happened to you last night?! Why are people telling me they saw you going upstairs with Taehyung?! I never saw you for the rest of the night!" You wince pulling your phone away from your ear.

"I know, I'm sorry, okay? Could you stop yelling at me and let me explain?"

"Since when do you wanna fuck Taehyung?! I thought you hated him!"

"Jimin,"

"Alright, fine, let me hear your excuse."

"Last night I just wanted to have fun. It was nothing serious and I don't hate Taehyung. I just don't particularly like him or how he normally treats the girls he messes around with."

"Wha- You just wanted to have fun? Nothing serious? Where is the real ____ and what have you done with her?!" 

You roll your eyes, "I didn't even sleep with him. I walked out before things got that far."

"You walked out?" Jimin pauses, "Wait, why? What did he do?"

"He didn't do anything. I just-" Your eyes shift around your room nervously, "I wasn't as up for it as I thought I was."

He clicks his tongue, "____, the player. Never thought I'd see the day."

"Are we done now? I need to go."

"Go? It's Saturday. Where are you going? Oh, don't tell me you're going to finish the job!?"

"Goodbye, Jimin."

"No! Wait-"

You stand up from your bed after ending the call than walk over to your closet to sift through your clothes. You spend about thirty minutes doing that before groaning in frustration. What are you even doing? Normally, you'd just throw on the first thing you saw and head out the door.

You know what?

That is what you're doing.

You close your eyes and reach into your closet, grabbing the first thing you touch. This is fine, you tell yourself before shrugging off your pajamas and putting on the baggy hoodie with a pair of sweats. You then make your way back to your bed and grab your phone, you're heading to your door when you stop. You pull your hoodie up to your nose, smell it, and sigh before turning back around. It doesn't stink, in fact, it smells good, like freshly done laundry - but something about it annoys you and you refuse to leave with the boring smell.

Once you're finally satisfied you hurry out of your dorm and start in the direction of Yoongi's penthouse. So many factors are yelling at you to turn around and go back home, but you refuse to listen. Your pace even picks up as the tall building comes into view. 

Message from Min Yoongi-8:59am: Why are you so late??

You-9:05am: I'm here

You step out of the elevator, your nerves getting the better of you as you hesitate to knock on the door. You really shouldn't be here. You should be anywhere but here. As you're contemplating just turning around and leaving, the door swings open to reveal a very irritated Yoongi.

His hair is neatly combed through and shorter than when you last saw him, although it still hangs just slightly above his eyes.

"Why the hell are you so late?" His words are blunt, as usual, but that's not what makes you avoid his gaze. It's the images that pop into your head from last night that make you stare at your own two feet in petrifying embarrassment, thinking, maybe he can read your mind if you look at him.

"Sorry, I don't really have an excuse." Your voice comes out small, making it so Yoongi has to lean in to understand you.

He furrows his brow and sniffs the air as he does, then raises an eyebrow at you, "Is that perfume?"

Your eyes dart up to his face and you blink at him several times, "What?"

A smirk pulls up his lips, "Are you wearing perfume?"

"No! Why would I be wearing perfume?" You panic, confused as to how to respond to this.

"I don't know, you tell me?" He leans against his door frame and crosses his arms over his chest smugly. You can't help but let your gaze linger, finding everything he does far too attractive for someone who's supposed to be his girlfriend's best friend. 

You shift your eyes away from him shamefully with a frown and push past him, feeling your cheeks warm-up, "Can we just work on the song now that I'm here?"

Yoongi hums and turns around to face you, shutting the door as he does, "It smells nice. What is it? Vanilla?"

"J-just shut up." You walk away from him towards his couch to sit down before pulling out your laptop. 

"You know?" Yoongi startles you as he leans onto the back of the couch behind you, "You still haven't listened to that part on the piano I've been slaving away on." He speaks in that same condescending tone he used over the phone when you were sick, only this time it doesn't make your blood boil, it makes your stomach turn.

"I never said I wanted you to do that."

"You also never said you didn't, so I did." You feel Yoongi tapping his finger against the couch impatiently, a clear sign he's starting to get annoyed with you.

"Well, go play it." You bark back in a whiny manner, wanting the subject to just go away, "I'll hear it from here."

No, you wouldn't, you planned on covering your ears.

"____," Yoongi says your name firmly and your whole body goes rigid. Your imagination is running off with you again. Of all times, seriously? "stop acting childish. I need you to sing the part while I play, to get a good feel of how it will sound."

You shake your head, actual panic setting in as you finally stand back up, turning to face him, "No, I don't want the piano in the song."

"Why are you just now saying this? I've been working on this all week."

"I-I-" You frantically scour your brain for an alibi, "I just don't wanna!" You cringe at the stupid excuse and watch nervously as Yoongi narrows his eyes at you.

"Are you six years old? Come on," He starts to walk towards the hallway.

"I don't like the piano! Okay?! Can't you just leave it be!" You scream, the sheer terror you felt finally emerging in your voice and shocking Yoongi to a halt. Tears began streaming down your face rapidly. You probably looked ridiculous, crying over a damn piano, an object that couldn't even physically harm you, but you're unable to control your tears.

"____,"

You drop your laptop onto the couch and without saying a word you rush back around the couch and past Yoongi, heading for the door. Hoping he won't follow, you slam the door behind you just to hear it open again a second later. 

"____, stop!" You push the elevator button several times, urgently praying that it gets there soon while you try your best to quell your inner trauma, "We don't have to include the piano. I can find something else."  You stare blankly at the elevator doors, "Hey," He reaches for you, his hand landing on your shoulder. 

You jerk your arm away and when you speak it's barely above a whisper, "Just leave me alone."

He watches you for a moment before hesitantly bringing his hand up to your face, turning you to look at him. You let him wipe your tears before pushing his hand away, "Fine, I'll take the stairs."

He stops you, grabbing your wrist, "Are you seriously angry over a fucking piano? What's next? A harmonica?"

You let out a dry laugh, "Excuse me?"

"You heard me."

"Alright," You yank your wrist away from him, "I'm done with this. Don't expect me to show up here anymore." You head ticks to the side before you turn on your heels to take the stairs, "I'd rather fail."

"Yah, ____!" You ignore him, but you can hear him following you just before his hand grabs yours, stopping you in your tracks again, "You-"

Your phone cuts him off, ringing loudly, and filling the thick air around the two of you. You pull your hand out of his, ignoring the way it makes your skin tingle. You reach into your pocket for your phone and reject the call, knowing exactly who it is without looking at the caller ID.

"Who was that?" Yoongi leans toward you, trying to get a peek at your phone, but you push him away by his chest.

"It's none of your business." 

He doesn't respond, his hard eyes just glancing down at the hand that's now against his chest. When Yoongi gets close to you - you can't think properly, so the further the better, but when he lifts his eyes back to yours, you realize that the physical contact is much worse than the lack of space. 

Your face blossoms with color and you quickly try to yank your hand away, recalling where your mind took you last night. Yoongi is quicker though as his fingers wrap around your wrist. You hold your breath, praying that he can't hear how loudly your heart is beating as his eyes bore into yours. All you can do is stare back, unable to move, say, or do anything. It's like he's a magnet and you're metal.

He moves in closer until you can feel his minty breath against your lips and you inhale sharply when his long fingers gently graze against your forearm. Unconsciously, your hand fist his shirt, your eye's still refusing to leave his intense ones as he begins to close the space between you, "Do you want me to stop?"

Your other hand moves up to his shoulder, gripping tightly as if willing yourself to push him away, but it's as if all your strength has left your body and you can't. His hand moves up to your jaw, his thump caressing your flushed skin, and your eyes flutter shut at the feeling. It's nothing like you'd imagined, completely different. He's way more intoxicating.

"If you want me to stop, all you have to do it say so." When his lips move you can almost feel them brush against yours from the close proximity - the space between you disappearing as his lips meet yours and any ounce of logical thought leaves you. You helplessly lean into his warmth and he hums in response. Heat pools in your stomach at the sound and your fingers move through his hair, nails softly grazing against his scalp. It's like the part of you that knows how wrong this is has evaporated. It isn't until his tongue swipes against your bottom lip that you feel yourself fall back to reality.

You pull away from him like you've been burned, noticing the tears brimming in your eyes only after the fact. The longer you look up at Yoongi the more hysterical you become. 

"I-" He stops, his eyes falling on your neck, "Where did those come from?"

"I-I need to leave." You push past him just as the elevator doors open, ignoring the simmering rage you caught in his voice as it made you feel like someone had just tugged on your heart.

"____-"

"You have a girlfriend, Yoongi!" Your second outburst of the day causes him to flinch and pull his hand away from your arm, "I'm leaving."

You want to throw up, bang your head against a wall, and reprimand yourself on how utterly stupid you are all at once. All you really do wis click the button for the first floor though, while avoiding looking back up at Yoongi.

"I'm sorry."

That's the last thing you hear before the doors close and the elevator begins carrying you down.

.

.

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a/n: plz go easy on me this is my first time attempting any form of smut and i had to rewrite it several times cause it made me a lil nervous 😖👉👈

@team-work-made-the-dream-work @seokchella @crackhead1-800 @chogiyeol-utopia @thatchampagnebitch  @jeonchan26

[toothpastecanyon]

We Walk Like Humans Do, Chapter 1

The Transcendence has been, on the whole, a good thing for magical creatures... for the ones that walked on two legs and fit in doorways, at least. Lacie has other problems to overcome before she can live in the big city.

Inspired by @marshmellowextract‘s ideas on the TAU Discord.

See most updated version on Archive of Our Own.

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               The Transcendence has been, on the whole, a good thing for magical creatures. True, there’s been no shortage of misunderstandings and pro-nat sentiments over the years, but all those centuries of hiding away from humans had been just as harmful.

               Humans are everywhere, after all. Avoiding them means avoiding most places on Earth, holing yourself away in dwindling forests and as-of-yet unexplored cave systems. Some could pass as human and live in their cities, but pre-Transcendence accounts of disguised elves or vampires often spoke of the burden of carrying such an immense secret, the disconnect they felt with any humans they befriended. They could never truly live as themselves.

               For some magical creatures, the Transcendence changed that. The Transcendence let them live freely amongst the humans, let them attend their schools and work alongside them to better the world.

               For some magical creatures, the Transcendence was the single best thing that had ever happened to them.

               For others?

               Well… for the less humanoid ones, they didn’t notice so much of a difference. For Lacie, she was still hanging out in the same old sewers she’d been hatched in.

               After all, when you’re a giant basilisk several bus-lengths long and capable of killing a man with a single glance, there are more obstacles to living in the city than ‘not feeling like you can be true to yourself.’

________________________________________________________________

               A snore rumbles through the depths of London’s sewers. Deep, deep underground, somewhere in a maze of rank-smelling tunnels sloshing with wastewater, there lies a hidden door, and behind that door slumbers a vicious, terrible monster guarding a tome of forbidden knowledge.

               That’s how the treasure hunters always describe Lacie’s home on the forums, and honestly, she finds it a little insulting. They’ll go on and on about how much the place stinks and how loudly she snores; it’s like they expect her to fix it or something, and… no? This is a sewer, it’s going to smell bad. And she needs to sleep, so it’s going to be noisy, too.

               If they’re gonna come down here to try and slay her and steal her shit, the least they can do is stop being so goddamn whiny about it.

               Like, look at these bozos coming in now. Lacie was having such a peaceful nap until they started messing around with the hidden door.

               She cracks a tired eye open, and glares at the sound of their voices.

               “No, it’s this one!” A rock shudders on the wall. “Didn’t you read the riddle? You touch the symbols clockwise!”

               “How did you get clockwise from the riddle? It’s way more complicated than that; the cipher clearly states-”

               “A-B-C-D. Clockwise.”

               “No, that’s- ABCD? Where on earth did you get ABCD?”

               Lacie lets out a rumbling sigh. Incompetent treasure hunters, oh joy. She shifts a little bit on her pile of gold, and waits for them to bumble their way into a solution so she can go back to  sleep.

               “Look, I don’t know how you’re getting ABCD, so why don’t we try my way first, and if mine doesn’t work-”

               “It’s absolutely not going to work.”

               “It will! I took a class in cryptography once, I know how this works.”

               “Ooo, aren’t you special.”

               “Look, just let me work, will you?”

               “Do it fast. Ugh, it smells like death down here.”

               At least it’s more bearable than your voice, Lacie thinks. She snorts at her own joke before hooking her tail around a wooden sign and dragging it in closer. She’ll need this later - quite a while later, most likely, but it’s good to be prepared.

               “That didn’t work?”

               “Of course it didn’t work, you idiot. I’ll open it-”

               “Hey, wait, maybe I did that wrong! Let me try that again!”

               “No, you had your chance!”

               “Just let- hey, get off me!”

               “No, you get off me!”

               “Come on dude, just let me try-”

               After listening to the treasure hunters scuffle and shout at each other for what felt like forever, Lacie hears a click in the door’s opening mechanism. The whole thing starts to rumble and dust loosens from the ceiling as it opens inwards, revealing… well, she doesn’t look at them directly in case they’re dumb enough not to bring basilisk protection, but she makes out two human figures with rifle-shaped sticks, which they immediately point at her face.

               “There it is!” The first man ushers the other back. “Stay behind me!”

               “Stay behind you? Dude, I’m a way better shot.”

               “What? No way, you are not!”

               “I totally am. Don’t you remember back at the range-”

               Lacie lets out a hiss before they can get into another stupid argument. She points the end of her tail at the sign, and it takes them a second to notice.

               “It’s doing something weird.”

               “Quick, let’s shoot it!”

               “No, look, that’s a sign it’s holding!” The second guy peers at the message. “Says ‘Fighting not needed, can’t let you take the physical book but am posting all chapters online at https- wait, you have a website?”

               She nods. A blog, actually.

               “Don’t be stupid.” The other guy gives him a shove. “There’s no way it has a website; this is some sort of trick!”

               “Yeah… yeah, you’re right! Wait, how is it a trick?”

               “Obviously it’s to confuse us and distract us from getting the treasure!” He cocks his rifle. “We have to stay focused! Stay behind me, I’ll get this thing right between the eyes-”

               Lacie finally looks down at the guy. Their gazes meet, the guy’s eyes widen; he yelps and staggers back, dropping his rifle and slapping a hand over his face… but he doesn’t drop dead. A second later, he peeks out behind his fingers.

               “I’m… still alive!” He cackles. “These contact lenses really do work!” Ha! Take that, you dumb lizard!”

               The other guy high fives him. “Yeah, take that! Now let’s kill this thing!”

               Huh, they’re slightly more prepared than she thought. Lacie stares at his smug smile a moment longer, then swings her tail around and dashes both of them against the right wall.

               There are no contact lenses that protect against blunt force trauma. They let out short-lived screams, cut off as soon as their bodies crash against stone; there’s a chorus of splintering cracks, then silence as they crumple to the ground amongst a pile of other shattered skeletons.

               Lacie looks at them now. Listens to all the familiar noises that could be heard in the absence of their voices - the dull roar of running water, the drips that fall from the ceiling and splash in puddles, the tinkling of gold coins as she shifts her weight.

               All the things she could hear, now that they were dead.

               Does she feel bad?

               Eh… sort of.

               She feels... more frustrated than anything else, these days. It’s not like she doesn’t give them a chance to escape, and they are trying to kill her… but still. It’s such a senseless loss of life - especially for such young, stupid humans - and over what? Some useless book?

               She turns and glares at it now, sitting on its little lecturn at the far end of the room. Stupid thing.

               One day, she will be free of it.

               But for now, she’s tired. She lays her head on glittering gold, closes her eyes, and falls asleep to all the quiet, comforting sounds of her home.

               She probably starts snoring, too… fuck, they’ve made her self conscious about it.

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               Chapter 7 of Wizard Animago’s Not-So-Secret Spellbook - His Shitty Death Spells and Why They’re Not to Die For, Seriously

               Hey everyone, this is 18Lacie5 back with another chapter overview. I know it’s been a year since I last posted, sorry about that. I’m usually way too tired to work on one of these - the joys of being cold blooded in England. Annnnnyyyyywwwwaaaayyyy, here is the much-anticipated chapter on ol’ Animago’s secret death spells!

               Spoiler alert: it’s gonna disappoint you.

               Now, for anybody new reading this, Sironus Animago was a 19th century English wizard that specialised in the study of animal transmogrification. If you don’t know who he is, that’s because he was a recluse who hated humanity so much he spent half his life trying to turn himself into literally anything else. The only time anybody hears about him is generally in treasure hunting circles, concerning a riddle he left behind for ‘any man worthy enough to learn his secrets.’ It is said that he wrote a spellbook containing all the knowledge he had accumulated over his lifetime, and considered it so dangerous he bound a basilisk into guarding it after his passing.

               Well, I am that basilisk, and I’m here to tell you why Animago’s spellbook is stupid and absolutely not worth dying for.

               This chapter’s an easy one: his death spells suck. Even by pre-Transcendence standards, they suck. He wasn’t the slightest bit interested in offensive magic, and I’m pretty sure he threw these ones in here because hey, every spellbook’s gotta have a spooky scary dark magic section, right?

               Let’s examine the first spell of Chapter 7: ‘Planis fugere a mortalis huius’ (a moment of silence for that Latin.) So ‘fly away from this mortal plane(s?)’ sounds pretty and all, but it’s way too poetic to be a reliable spell. Unlike the standard modern equivalent, which is, you know, just ‘Die’, your magic’s gonna have to figure out a whole lot about this sentence before it puts it into action. Fly away, how? Where are they flying to? What could count as our ‘planis’ here? The ground?

               You see how easily this could result in something like giving your enemy a pair of wings instead of killing them. Great. That’s totally what you’d want to happen in battle, right?

               This issue would have come up immediately in testing, which leads me to believe it was a purely theoretical spell of Animago’s, and not a particularly good one (but hey, at least it’s original this time, right?) As with all of them it does come with the minorly unique addition of alternate pronounciations in five different animal forms, but again, unless you’re turning yourself into a chicken, a dog, a hawk, a bear or a snake on a regular basis, when are you ever going to need this?

               All in all, probably the worst chapter in the entire spellbook, with sloppy, overly complex incantations I’d toss away in a heartbeat if not for the fact that I’ve been bound into protecting them. Next post, we tackle chapter 11: turning your furniture into animals!

               (Because that’s what your couch is missing. Teeth and claws and an ability to run away from you.)

               Do s both a favour, and don’t make me kill you over these shitty spells.

               Curled around her favourite pile of gold, Lacie scrolls down her blog, reading its contents with drooping eyes. She uses her tail to move a laptop’s trackpad, which makes it a little difficult to navigate - the frustration she feels whenever the clicker shoots off in random directions is the main reason she’s still awake - but not as much as one might be expecting, as the laptop is not an ordinary laptop.

               It’s gigantic. The screen is bigger than her, and the top almost scratches against the ceiling. Carefully balanced above the wet stone on four smaller gold piles, the charging port is wired up to a truly massive, glowing purple power strip. It hums with magical energy, charging her laptop as she gets to the end of the blog post.

               ‘Do s both a favour ’... ah, typo. Lacie shoves her mouse in the general direction of the edit button for a few seconds before landing on it; now she clicks, adds a u, and struggles her way back to the main page.

               Fixed. That was totally worth the effort.

               She lets out a snort, which turns into a great big yawn and leaves her head resting on top of the laptop. The metal’s got some warmth to it; she feels that against her cheek, and almost immediately starts struggling to keep her eyes open.

               This was a mistake, she thinks. Come on, she literally just got up! She can’t go right back to sleep!

               Just a little more time… to herself… without any… any humans… she was supposed to... to...

               The distant whoosh of water overhead and the steady hum of the power strip lulls her closer and closer to sleep, and she tries one last time to lift up her eyelids-

               And plop.

               A little water droplet lands right in her eye, and she jumps. Rises up, blinks rapidly - first to get the blurriness out of her vision, then to get rid of the sleepiness already creeping its way back in.

               She shakes her head to clear it. Once she’s mostly awake again, she lets out a triumphant little puff of air: not today, sleep! Not when she’s got shit to do!

               With that, Lacie turns back to her laptop and mouses over to another tab, titled ‘List of Craig’ and next to it, ‘(1)’ for one new message.  She’s been waiting for that (1) to show up - hopefully she hasn’t taken too long to respond back.

               The tab opens after she jabs left click a couple times, revealing a short chatbox:

L at 20:25: [is that double length chalk shipment still available?]

M at 20:35: [yes]

L at 20:36: [would be very interested in buying that, are you are ok with teleswitch methods of payment? you don’t have to wheel it anywhere, just let me know where it is in the house]

               Fifteen whole minutes later at 20:51, there’s the much-anticipated reply:

               [k]

               Lacie reads this, and has a sudden urge to smack her head against the keyboard. With a growl rumbling in her throat, she gets typing

L at 20:52: [okay, where is the shipment in your house? what room? the spell i use needs this.]

               She sends it off… and waits, scowling at the chatbox.

               And waits...

               And waits...

               And is still waiting. Stars, maybe she could’ve taken a nap.

               Speaking of that, her eyelids are starting to droop again. She huffs and shakes her head in a couple quick, flicking movements; that jolts her back awake, and she clicks back to her blog page.

               The latest post on chapter 7 stares back at her. In the dim-lit room, it’s glaring down on her, almost accusingly.

               Next post, it reads, we tackle chapter 11: turning your furniture into animals!

Post updated: less than two minutes ago

Post uploaded: more than two years ago

               Lacie sighs. This is what happens now when she takes a nap.

               Years, they’ve begun to pass her by like nothing . All she remembers of the past two are groggy hazes, half-recalled dreams; the only times she’d wake would be to fend off the occasional treasure hunter, then back to her slumber she’d go, like that was her only purpose in life.

               It didn’t used to be this way. She didn’t used to feel so tired all the time. Why?

               ...She’s getting too big for her home. The magic that sustains her, it isn’t enough anymore.

               That’s got to be the explanation.

               Which means she’s got to get out of here. She’s got to break that damn binding that tethers her to the spellbook…

               Lacie shoots a look at it now. Glares at the stony grey lectern it rests on, and everything piled around the base of that. The wax candles. The incense burners. The unholy artefacts. The tomes upon tomes of academic research, summoning circle references, nonstandard incantation guides…

               She has to break it.

               By any means necessary.

               …

               She’s got a new message from the human.

M at 21:13: [I put it outside for you. Its in the back yard. Your welcome.]

               With an eyeroll, Lacie wraps her tail around the lectern’s pole and brings it in closer. The spellbook slides precariously around the surface it’s resting on, but with a bit of care she places it down in front of her without anything falling off the edges.

               Now, the book - she peers at it now.

               As always, it looks like a mess; its leather binding had been handmade by Wizard Animago himself, but only because the guy was too paranoid to have anybody else do it. He did a sloppy job, and over the centuries it had fallen to pieces until the only thing holding it together anymore was a couple remaining strings and a headache-inducing cocktail of protection charms.

               For Lacie, it’s tiny, making it incredibly hard to flip through. She can’t help but wonder if it had seemed this tiny the last time she’d opened it… maybe she’d grown a little bigger since then.

               Stuffing that thought down, she keeps flipping; past Chapter 2 on transfiguration, past Chapter 3 on general transmutation, Chapter 4 on alchemy… Chapter 5, there it is.

               And bingo bongo, there’s the spell she wants: ‘Sironus Animago’s Telekinetic Switch’... and Lacie can’t help but snort at that name, because it isn’t actually a spell he invented.

               Like many less-than-reputable wizards of his time, he had a habit of stealing spells from contemporaries in other fields of magic, slapping his name in front of them and trying to pass them off as his own to pad out the number of chapters in his spellbook.

               (The internet was a terrible invention for guys like him. Lacie had a lot of fun ripping into this practice when she wrote about Chapter 5.)

               Anyway, while she could find the original spell anywhere on the internet, there is something Animago added to every entry he wrote down in his book - that something is off to the far right, almost obscured by the yellowing and curling of the page.

               Here, next to five simple illustrations of a chicken, a dog, a hawk, a bear, and a snake, are the alternate pronounciations of the spell.

               Lacie squints at the last line - her mouth moves as she refamiliarises herself with the incantation - then she nods to herself, and scoops up a generous portion of gold coins, and closes her eyes.

               Pictures a backyard, with a crate full of summoning chalk, just waiting for her to pick them up.

               And with that in mind, she speaks.

               Not in words. Not in a language. She speaks in hisses and spits, in a string of meaningless noises that fit better in her mouth than any human tongue. At the end of it, though, that specific arrangement of sounds triggers an enchantment, which triggers the telekinetic switch.

               The coins in her grasp blink out of existence. A second later, they’re replaced by a crate of summoning chalk. It rattles when she picks it up; the sound echoes around her room until she puts it down by the rest of her demon supplies.

               There’s a lot piled up there now, Lacie thinks. Enough to summon a demon, and at that, she grimaces. Suppresses a yawn.

               She’d better get on with it, then.

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               Lacie is starting to think that maybe demons don’t design their summoning rituals with basilisks in mind.

               She’s cleared a space in her room for the circle - has shrunk her laptop back down to normal size with one of Animago’s spells - and now that it’s time to draw the thing, she’s encountered a problem.

               Have you ever tried to draw a chalk circle on wet stone tiles? Have you ever tried to do it without hands?

               It is, in a word, difficult.

               Fortunately, she’d seen this issue coming from day one. She bought a shape template from some website selling school supplies, and blew it up with the same sizing spell she uses on her laptop. She put that over a stone slab she pulled off a drier part of the wall, traced the circle, and voila! A summoning circle.

               (She still needed to decorate it, but she’d rather intentionally chosen a demon with a simpler design. It didn’t take too long to replicate, all things considered.)

               Now onto the candles. To Lacie’s eternal disappointment, there’s no spell on the books for fire, or heat, or anything like that; she has to get creative. While rifling through the backpacks of some ex-treasure hunters, she comes across a portable gas cooker. The ignition is a simple switch she can flip - tick tick tick fwoom , it goes, then fire.

               She keeps that close to her, ready to use.

               After that… The incantation. She physically can’t pronounce the Latin chants needed to perform a sufficiently compelling summoning, which is a big problem. Most powerful demons - ones powerful enough to break bindings - tend to be rather picky about how they’re summoned. Unless it’s done exactly right, they won’t bother showing up for her.

               She needs a demon that’ll be a little more forgiving, and after pouring through textbooks, how-to guides, summoning lists, there’s only one name that seems to fit the bill.

               Lacie lights the candles, one by one, and watches as the circle of Alcor the Dreambender begins to glow.

               Strange things begin to happen. Shadows lengthen. The air gets colder - she feels that like a punch in the gut. In the centre of the chalk lines, a wispy black smoke forms, and golden eyes open from within the darkness.

               Those eyes… Lacie isn’t used to being scared of things, but she stares into those eyes and knows, suddenly, definitively, that she isn’t the monster in the room anymore.

               They turn to look at her now, and-

               “Ow!” The void-black being winces back, rubbing its forehead. “What the heck? It’s like a migraine… what is this?”

               She blinks. Huh, her stare works on demons. They didn’t mention that the summoning guides.

               The demon’s straightening again. “Is this a binding? Because guys, I’m gonna be real annoyed if you tried… to… to bind me with..? Guys?”

               It looks around the circle in confusion… then up, up, following the line of her body to meet her eyes again.

               “Oh.” It gives a hard blink. “Ow, okay. You know you’re supposed to give me a sacrifice before you sic me on the big scary snake monster, right?”

               Shit, it doesn’t see the sign. She holds it up higher.

               “Like, at least a little bit of candy for starters, y’know? Just to be like ‘Hey, I appreciate you for coming all this way’ and I’ll be like ‘Thanks! Now I actually feel motivated to save you from-’” It notices the sign, and pauses. “Um. Hang on a second, I’m missing something.”

               Lacie watches the demon read over the sign: BOUND TO SPELLBOOK, it reads, DEAL TO BREAK BINDING IN EXCHANGE FOR HUMAN SACRIFICES? Its glowing eyes steadily widen, and it glances back up at her.

               “Wait, you summoned- agh!” It blocks her stare with a hand. “You summoned me?”

               She nods.

               “Okay, that’s… new. What did you want again… spellbook... break binding to spellbook- human sacrifice?” Its eyes narrow. “Where are these humans you’re talking about?”

               Putting down the sign, she points at the pile next to the door. Most of them are bones by now, but hey, apparently some demons like that. She watches this one inspect them.

               “Oh, they’re… not fresh. Where did they all come fr- ow ! Okay, please stop with the staring, that’s not gonna work for me!” When she obligingly averts her gaze, he lets out a sigh. “Thank you. Now, uh, I kinda wanna know where you got all these bones from?”

               He sounds way more bothered about that than Lacie thought he would. A little panic fluttering in her chest, she flips the sign over and grabs her carving rock.

               “What are you…? Oh, you can’t talk, can you. Alright.” It shuffles its feet. “You wanted me to break a binding… I can see it now. Connected to that book over there?”

               Out of the corner of her eye, she watches Alcor float closer to it. Closer, closer, too close - it tiggers something in her, and she has to stop writing to block it with her tail. Has to let out a hiss at the literal demon; thank the stars its eyes widen in understanding instead of darkening in anger.

               “Oh, you’ve been bound to guard it,” it says, stepping back. “I see. Sorry. So, those bones - they’re from people who tried to take it, right?”

               Thank the stars again that it realises, because she isn’t even halfway done with the message. She nods.

               “That makes sense. Wow, that must be some important spellbook you’re guarding, huh?”

               An important spellbook - Lacie can’t muffle a snort as she shakes her head. Alcor laughs too, though he sounds a little bit uncomfortable.

               “Oh, that, that’s gotta suck. I’m sorry, uh… What’s your name? If you have one- oh stars what am I saying, ‘if you have one’ that sounds so rude -”

               With another snort, she points at a welcome mat she’s carved just in front of the hidden door.

               “‘Welcome to Lacie’s home. You found the way in, now’ - heh - ‘find the way out.’ I like that, it’s funny!” He grins up at her. “I guess these guys didn’t- ow . Agh, sorry, I was gonna say, I guess these guys didn’t see the sign when they came in, huh?”

               A head shake; they did not. They certainly didn’t laugh at it either.

               (To be fair, they were generally too busy gaping at the giant basilisk in the room to give an opinion on her decorations, but it was nice to finally get a little validation. She is funny sometimes, isn’t she?)

               “Didn’t think so.” Alcor straightens his cufflinks. “Well, Lacie, while I don’t think I can technically count this as a human sacrifice, it should still be more than enough to break any basic bond. So ,”

               She watches him extend a hand wreathed in blue fire, hears him speak with a voice that brings back a little of that initial fear, reminds her that as friendly as he may seem…

               “D̵̜͍͖̘o̱͖̙̰̪̥̹͜ w̹͖̝̩͢e ̵̲͓̖h͇̹͖̞̦̠̮͘a̤̰v̹͔͚̭̦͜e̻ ̻̘̭̫a̩ ͈̳̯̯̰̣̪d̕e͇̪͍̜̻̪͘a̙̻̬̦͔ͅl̲̝͓͔?”

               She’s still dealing with a demon.

               “Wait, uh… you don’t have to shake.” He retracts his hand, demonic reverb gone as suddenly as it showed up, but the memory of it is hard to shake. “You can just, you know, nod or something, that’s fine.”

               Lacie thinks hard on that for a moment. She glances back at the spellbook, the stupid, useless spellbook she’s been bound to, sitting on a lecturn in a room she’s been trapped in her whole life, a room that’s getting smaller and smaller as the years go by.

               She’s outgrown this, she thinks. It’s time to move on.

               “Hang on a second.”

               Alcor’s voice makes her turn. He’s closed his eyes, and there’s a frown on his face that Lacie doesn’t like the look of. She leans in closer, listening to him mutter to himself.

               “This isn’t- now how did he do this…? Oh. Oh , that’s not… dammit, that’s not good.” He opens his eyes. “Uh, Lacie? Got some bad news: I, uh, can’t break the binding.”

               ...What? Why not?

               She blinks, watches him struggle to explain.

               “I-I mean I can, technically! But not with this deal - not that I don’t want to help you, but… it’s complicated. Demon deals are complicated, there’s got to be a give and a take and it sucks, it’s...”

               She watches him sigh. Frowns, as he looks away.

               “Look, uh, I was going on the impression that this was a simple guardian bond, but it’s not. I didn’t think - you know, you were laughing when I said it was an important spellbook or something - I didn’t think it was gonna be some high-level magic… but it is.” He clenches his fists. “He’s managed to bind it to your soul , and that gets tricky for demons. There’s got to be a give and a take, right? And if I give a soul freedom…”

               … he has to take another’s , Lacie thinks, and narrows her eyes. Is this heading where she thinks this is heading?

               “I have to take freedom too, which… well, you don’t feel like selling your soul to me, do you?”

               No no no, that’s the one thing all the manuals said never ever to do! She shakes her head vigourously, and he gives a quiet chuckle.

               “Yeah, didn’t think so… I really did want to help you with the binding, but I can’t. Not without enough payment in return.” The most powerful demon in the world just shrugs helplessly. “I’m sorry. It’s a stupid rule and I’m always trying to bend it if I can, but I can’t outright break it.”

               Lacie looks back at the spellbook. She knows a thing or two about stupid rules she can’t break. She really can’t, apparently.

               Apparently, she’s going to be stuck with this thing for the rest of her life. Well. This… this sucks.

               What is she going to do now?

               “Um, listen,” Alcor clears his throat. “I can’t- uh, I may not be able to break the binding, but if there’s anything else I can do… well, you’ve got a lot of stuff you can sacrifice to me, I can probably do just about anything - anything that’s not soul-related, anyway.”

               Lacie blinks. Just about anything... she could still get out of this room before it starves her. Yes, if he was able to teleport both her and the book outside-

               But what would she do after that? The book’s tiny ; she’d need some way to lug it around, and she’d need to do that while finding food for herself, and oh stars all the guides on demon deals were screaming at her to be specific right now-

               “Do you need some time to decide?”

               She looks down at Alcor, and nods. He floats back towards the summoning circle.

               “Alright, well, call me up again when you’ve got a deal in mind...” Glancing around the circle, at the crispy candles and the shaky drawings of his symbols, he blinks, then he glances back at her. “Uh… how long did this take you to do?”

               A while, Lacie thinks, and snorts. He seems to get the message.

               “Right, well, I’ll leave my calling card with you, so you don’t have to do that all over again.” He fishes the card out of his pocket; somehow, it comes out almost as big as him. “When you’re ready to make a deal, just prick your fing… uh, just hold it, okay? I’ll keep an eye out for you.”

               She takes it, and nods. Tries for a smile, like the humans do to show gratitude.

               “What are you-? Ow.” He squints away from her stare. “Um, well, it was nice meeting you, Lacie! I’m sorry I couldn’t help more.”

               Alcor seems like he wants to say more, but after a moment of hesitation he gives a quick wave and disappears in a puff of smoke. The candles go out with him - remembering the sheer effort it took to light them in the first place, she cringes at that.

               Well, at least she doesn’t have to summon him again. She looks from the smoke wisping off the wicks, down to the business card in her grasp.

               It’s glossy and black; on one side, there’s a white circle around Alcor’s golden symbol; presumably that’s the place you’re supposed to prick your finger on. There’s a little note up top that says, ‘Need help? Summon Alcor the Dreambender today!’ and she snorts at that.

               What a strange little creature… strangely endearing. She can hear how crazy she sounds thinking about it, but that demon was actually kind of a decent guy? She isn’t about to go selling her soul to him any time soon, but it felt like he genuinely wanted to help and that’s… refreshing.

               It’s certainly a change of pace from the treasure hunters she usually encounters.

               With that in mind, Lacie grips the card. It feels sturdier than it looks, but she still takes care tucking it underneath her. Once she’s done that, she turns back to face the circle again.

               She sighs. Blinks, slowly. After something like that, all she wants to do is take a nice long nap, but...

               Well, she’d better get cracking with that deal.

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Showing comments for Chapter 7 of Wizard Animago’s Not-So-Secret Spellbook - His Shitty Death Spells and Why They’re Not to Die For, Seriously

EdgyTwedgy666: [fake lol]

               Sometimes, Lacie really doesn’t like humanity. She likes reading their writings, she likes looking at the photos they take of their world, she even likes the occasional specific human, but as a whole?

Rey_hunter: [can you tell me how to solve animagos riddle?? plz]

JarrSlayer8: [I dont get it. Author keeps calling himself a battlisk? Is this a joke account, because he needs to say its a joke so people don’t get confused.]

Foundit_56: [hehe nice try dude… im coming for that spellbook even if your to scared to…]

               If this is what humans are like, she can understand why Animago hated being one so much. I mean seriously, she’s telling people what’s in the spellbook so they’ll leave her alone, and these are the kind of comments she gets?

Pyrocandro: [ummm, you know planis fugere a mortalis huius doesn’t translate to fly away from this mortal plane right? It looks more like go away to me… jus sayin. Maybe you should take a latin class? ;)]

               Lacie narrows her eyes.

               Maybe the non-treasure hunting humans are nicer.

               Maybe up on the surface, humans are actually cool and not smugly correcting her Latin on every post.

               Maybe, but it’s a shame a human trapped her down here to guard his shitty book, so she might never find out.

               A sigh, long and tired. She’s been brainstorming deals ever since Alcor left, but with her still lugging around the spellbook they all seemed… unfeasible. The thing is falling apart already - how’s she supposed to keep it safe out there? Call it a lack of imagination, but she’s exhausted and the only thing she can think of is to keep holing up in her room, ask Alcor to boost the energy of Animago’s old sustaining spells so it can support her again.

               That would work. It would, but it feels…

               Lacie grimaces.

               It feels like there’s more than this. There’s a whole world out there beyond her room, beyond guarding some spellbook; she’s been looking at it ever since she took a laptop off a treasure hunter’s body. She’s been looking, she’s been reading, she’s been writing, and, just as she was about to make that deal with Alcor, she suddenly realised she’s been wanting .

               Wanting to go out there. Wanting to explore, wanting to leave this place. She’s outgrown it, in more ways than one, and now the thought of staying here, forever...

               It feels like she’ll regret not making a better deal when she had the chance.

               But what is a better deal? Maybe she’s just too tired to think, but her mind is blank and now she’s just scrolling through stupid human comments, thinking this is what I’ll have to deal with for the rest of my life...

woodzarcor4lyfe: [how does a bastlisk type lol theyve got no arms]

               Oh, god. Oh, no.

SheldonHunts: [Actually, basilisks are classified as supernatural BEASTS instead of supernatural BEINGS. They’re non-sentient, so I’m preeetty sure you’re not a basilisk dude... cool post tho, was fun to read :)]

               Fucking. Humans. Why are they like this?

Epicbl00dhound: [looooool i bet there’s so many dumbasses in the comments fallin for this………. your not a bastlicks buddy i bet you made this up to feel special………  i bet your just some guy in your moms basement pretending…… dont pretend cuz humans are THE BEST we beat all other spacies (watch pronatpat he has the TRUTH) so get out of there….. be a human!]

               Ugggghhhhhhhh, why is this her life? Why can’t she-

               Wait.

               Lacie reads that last comment again. Through all the weird grammar and the pro-nat grossness and everything else she doesn’t even want to unpack… it’s giving her an idea.

               Be a human...

               A strange, strange idea - but it might just actually work.

[wiggly-blue-shite]

Chapter 23 The Bell Doesn’t Dismiss You (Tedgens)

Bill knows all the fucking words to all of the songs too! So we're singing along. Charlotte knows some of the words, but she's mostly humming it. Ted seems to be enjoying the movie in silence, and I can respect that. Paul's the only one not really enjoying it, and I think Emma is going to force him to enjoy it.

I'm currently choosing to ignore that little thought. I'm just a hormonal mess. I'm not like getting overly attached, for something that's only really been a thing for like two days. I'm not like crazy or anything. Just hormones.

"I wasn't jealous before we met

Now every man that I see is a potential threat

And I'm possessive, it isn't nice

You've heard me saying that smoking was my only vice" I'm totally not singing the most sexually charged song of the show at Ted, in a room filled with our close friends. I'm definitely singing it just for me and not subconsciously directing it to anyone.

"But now it isn't true

Now everything is new

And all I've learned has overturned

I beg of you" Man I love this song. Charlotte is full on singing now. It's impossible to hate this song.

"Don't go wasting your emotion

Lay all your love on me" yup not singing to Ted. I'm just enjoying a delightful song for myself.

And now his arm is around my waist. Ok yup I'm definitely not blushing. Yup yup yup.

"It was like shooting a sitting duck

A little small talk, a smile and baby I was stuck

I still don't know what you've done with me

A grown-up woman should never fall so easily" wow this is a great scene yup. Not focusing on how close he is. And how heavy his breathing is.

"I feel a kind of fear

When I don't have you near

Unsatisfied, I skip my pride

I beg you dear" I can feel his fucking breath on my fucking neck. Holy shit. My face feels like it's on fucking fire. BREATH

"Don't go wasting your emotion

Lay all your love on me

Don't go sharing your devotion

Lay all your love on me" Ted's fucking softly humming the tune of the song. Jesus Christ.

"I've had a few little love affairs

They didn't last very long and they've been pretty scarce

I used to think that was sensible

It makes the truth even more incomprehensible" It feels like he's humming it into my ear. He isn't though, right? He would like do that to my extremely hormonal self right? I'm fucking overwhelmed right now.

"'Cause everything is new

And everything is you

And all I've learned has overturned

What can I do" I'm not sure I can get through this fucking song.

"Don't go wasting your emotion

Lay all your love on me" HES FUCKING SINGING JESUS FUCKING CHRIST. How do you breath again? I have just... nope. I'm physically incapable of breathing now. I now understand the term gay panic.

"Don't go sharing your devotion

Lay all your love on me"

Ted leans in and kissed cheek, almost my jaw. I'm not going to start hyperventilating but I might.

Breath

Breath

Breath

Ok and we're back. I rest my head on his shoulder again. This is allowed. We're an item as the kids say, I'm allowed to be attracted to him. Jesus Christ.

Ted rest his head on mine. Wow I love him.

The movie ends. Bill and I insisted on watching all the credits so we could sing along to the credits music.

"Ok it was pretty good." Ted shrugs. Just pretty good! Excuse me????

"I told you!" Bill lightly whacks Ted on the back of his head.

"Yeah yeah yeah whatever." Ted's all defensive. I'll have to ask him about that later.

Everyone starts turning their phones back on. Bill and I made everyone turn off their phones so they can properly enjoy the movie with no outside distractions. It's kind of petty.

"I got to go." Charlotte stands up. She looks really nervous. Well she always looks nervous but right now she looks extra nervous.

"Is everything ok?" Ted looks concerned. I don't understand their relationship. I just know it isn't romantic. But like. I dont know. I'm over thinking things. It's stupid to be jealous of her.

"Do we need to beat someone up for you?" Paul offers. This group is really protective over her. I guess I get it. With the whole Sam thing, he doesn't seem like the most loving boyfriend.

"I'll see you all later." Charlotte is still staring at her phone. She walks over to the door.

"Check in later!" Bill calls after her. Check in? Is that like a thing? Like do friend groups have like regular checking in on each other sessions? I guess that's nice.

"Will do." She closes the door behind her.

"On a similar note, my parents need me home." Bill stands up. He pats Paul and Ted on the shoulder. "Don't have to much fun without me." And he walks to the door.

"We won't." Ted chuckles.

"Henry, Emma, always a pleasure." And he's out the door. Bill's cool. I think I will enjoy having a friend like him.

"And then there were four." Paul does a dumb dramatic voice. Seriously what the fuck is Emma's type?

"You make it sound like we're all going to die." Ted laughs. Wait does Ted understand the reference? I'd be extremely impressed.

"What?" Paul looks confused. I don't think he understands the reference he just made. So Emma is definitely not into him for his brains. I guess he could be cute from certain angles.

"That's from a book Paul" TED DOES KNOW THE REFERENCE. Like I knew Ted was like relatively smart. He doesn't know it just from the movie and play based on the book. He knows the book. I don't know why that's so impressive to me.

"It is? Wow I've just heard my cousin say that." Like seriously, I don't want to judge Emma and what she's into but come on!

"Yeah Paul, And Then There Were None. Agatha Christie ever heard of her?" I don't know why but the way Ted said that makes me laugh. Ted smiles at me. I love-

NO STOP THINKING THAT

"Well I haven't actually." That made Emma laugh.

"Jesus Christ." Ted shakes his head. Ok I love Emma and Paul is ok, but like I don't want to deal with them right now. Does that sound bad? I just want to hang out with Ted. That probably sounds bad.

"Why are you two still here?" Yup that sounds bad. Salvage it somehow, "isn't it like date night for you two or something."

"I can say the same to you, Hidgens." I don't think Emma realizes how little sense that made. Paul's making her dumber.

"Emma I live here." Like I know she knows that.

"Yeah, I know." She sighs, "I meant it's your and Ted's date night."

Ok that makes a little bit more sense.

"Yeah it is actually. Get out." Ted is not holding back. Also he's calling it a date night now? Like a date night. Like that's some serious shit. I think it is at least. I don't know protocol.

"Ok jeez." Emma puts her arms up like defensively. "Come on paul."

Emma walks towards the door.

"Enjoy date night!" I call after them. Emma flips me off as she exits stage right.

"Love you too!" I don't think she heard me but that's fine.

"See you later." Paul waves as Emma drags him along. Ted and I wave back at him.

And we're alone. Finally. Like they're all great but now we can actually have the little "date" thing we agreed on.

"So where were we?" Ted looks over to me.

"What?" Where were we? Should I know what he's referring to? Because I definitely don't.

"Like where were we before the others got here." Ted awkwardly explains. Oh I just ruined his whole little bit.

"Ohhh, I don't think that was as smooth as you imagined it in your head." I laugh a little. He's trying to be all suave and my dumbass just shut that shit down.

"It was not." He smiles and places his forehead against mine. It's like that thing people do in movies! ...wow I really don't know what I'm doing do I? Who need to know what they're doing? Not me apparently.

I kiss him. He smells vaguely of cinnamon. How have I never noticed that before? Because wow. He really is just the dream.

"We should eat." Look at Ted being the responsible one!

"Well what do you want?" I start to pull my phone out, to order something. Ted takes my phone from me.

"No don't spend your money. I'll order it. You're the one who took me in." Ted pulls out his own phone and starts typing. "It's the least I can do."

"No you should save your money." I take his phone out of his hands. We're kind of just keeping each other's phone from each other.

"Well it seems we are at a stand still." Ted inches closer. I know what he's going to try and goddamnit I will probably fall for it!

"It seems so." We're just staring each other down. Ted kisses me. My arms impulsively go around his neck. And he grabs his phone from my hand. Damnit. I knew that was coming.

Ted stands up and quickly moves away from the couch.

"I'm ordering us some Chinese food. What do you want?" He's typing pretty quickly. I stand up and walk towards him. I'm taller than him so I have that to my advantage. He dodges all of my attempts to grab his phone.

"Don't waste your money!" That comes off more whiny than I intended.

"Ok you're getting potstickers" How is he still evading my grasp? He's barely more athletic than me, thank you dance class. "And the order is placed."

Ted stops avoiding me. Damnit he's fucking wasting his money. He's going to fucking need that if he can't rely on his parents.

"Mother fucker." I'm probably just going to skip that money into his bag later. But god damnit he's not going to pay for that shit.

"Yup." Ted wraps his arms around my waist and kisses me. Damnit I Lo-

NO. I just really like him. I'm not moving to fast. I'm moving the normal speed. FUCK YOU HORMONES!

How the fuck does he smell like cinnamon?

[babybirdgyeom]

Dad7 - they hear their teen daughter screaming at their mother

Mark

Mark and you certainly didn't expect the dinner to go this way. You were in your favorite restaurant with your daughters and their boyfriends, celebrating your anniversary, all having a great time until your older daughter announced something that left you speechless at first.

You took a deep breath, rubbing your fingers against your temple. "You'll not get married with 17 years, honey. Forget it."

And that's how a long, long discussion started. Mark paid the bill while you and your daughter were loudly fighting in front of your car.

"Mum, I love him and I will get married to him. Why can't you simply accept that?", she screamed at your face.

"I know you love him but you still can get married in five years after you graduated and when you earn your own money. If you want to do it right now don't expect any money from us.", you stated, your voice calm but you were furious inside. But after years of raising her you knew that screaming at her wouldn't help.

As Mark came out your daughter looked at him, pouting. "Dad please tell mum not to be like this."

She knew exactly how much her dad adored her and that he always has a hard time saying no to her.

"Babe.", he put a hand on her shoulder to calm her down, "When I was 17 I told my parents that I wanted to marry your mother. I was just as sure about this as you are now and I was right, your mum is still the love of my life. But I'll tell you exactly what my parents said to me: Take your time, you have a whole future with your significant other.", he now walked over to you, his hand in yours, still sending butterflies to your stomach. "Promise me to think about it?", he asked your daughter and she just gave you a small nod, "Yes I will.", her voice quiet now.

"Oh and love?", he asked her as she got into the car.

"Yes, dad?", she said, still upset but in thoughts now.

"Don't ever scream at your mother again.", his tone more strict now, "She just cares about your future."

Jaebum

When Jaebum woke up in the middle of the night because of the heated discussion from your daughter downstairs he immediately walked down to see what was going on.

"Oh shit.", he said, giggling, "Is she drunk?"

You looked at him and nodded, your face showing how annoyed you were, "She is mad at me because I won't drive her to McDonalds now."

"If you'd love me you'd drive me!", your daughter yelled, sitting on the couch, smelling and looking like she's been clubbing for three days straight.

Jaebum shook his head, slightly amused, "You think screaming at your mum will help? Be happy she's not mad at you for waking her up in the middle of the night because you're drunk."

"I deserve McDonalds!", she almost sounded whiny.

"She acts like she's five again.", your husband said to you laughing and you agreed immediately, your mood lighting up because of how amused Jaebum is.

"What were you arguing about?", he asked you curious, knowing it wasn't only about McDonalds.

You let out a sigh, "She brought home a guy, they were making out and I caught them since they were literally destroying the lamp and then I was the asshole for kicking him out."

"He is cute I can't believe you did that.", your daughter complained, her voice offended and loud.

"Hey!", Jaebum said turning to your daughter, "Be happy your mum caught you. If I'd have seen that I'd kick your ass out with him.", he said with a strict voice, "Don't scream at your mother because you were dumb enough to get caught."

Jackson

"I'm 16, mum. You can't tell me who I'm allowed to date and who I am not.", your daughter screamed at you, making you shake your head at this discussion.

"I'll tell you once more.", you sight, taking a deep breath, clearly not in the mood to even have this discussion, "If you want to date him do it. It's up to you, I'm not getting involved in your love life. This doesn't change my opinion about him though, sorry love."

"Who are you dating?", Jackson came into the room after taking a shower, looking at his daughter with wide opened eyes, "And why are you screaming at your mother?", he asked, his voice a bit more dominant now. If there is one thing he hates than it's your daughter screaming at you.

She rolled her eyes in respond, "Because mum apparently is not satisfied with me dating Colin.", she answered her dad annoyed and obviously pissed.

Jackson on the other hand started laughing, "Colin Adams?", he walked over to you, taking your side, "Never thought he was into girls."

"Dad!", your daughter yelled, now slightly offended, "We're dating. I'm a girl. Obviously he's not gay."

"At least that's what he says now baby. Did he try getting into your pants yet? Because if not I wouldn't be too sure?", he asked, more than amused by the whole idea of your daughter dating this guy. You usually would tell him to stop teasing his daughter but today she wouldn't get her mum's support after just screaming at you.

"Oh my god!", she yelled out embarrassed, "You two are unbelievable."

"You know what's unbelievable?", he said, raising an eyebrow at your daughter, "Screaming at the woman who literally raised you. If you scream at your own mother you are clearly to young to have a boyfriend."

"I am not.", she said, frustrated at the whole comversation, "You two literally started dating around my age."

Jackson's grin grew wide, "Yes yes, but I was actually into girls.", he said amused, letting out a chuckle.

Your daughter let out a groan, leaving the room.

"Sorry I'm kidding honey!", Jackson screamed after her, "But that's what you get from being mean to your mum."

Jinyoung

"I hate you!", your daughter screamed at you, "Why do you have to make my life so hard?"

No one ever said raising a teen was easy and you knew it wouldn't be but some days you really wished that Jinyoung was around more to help you with it.

"Listen, I love you but I won't discuss this with you. You'll not skip one of your biggest exams just because of a concert."

You hated to be like this but sometimes you didn't had a choice.

Just as your daughter wanted to say something the front door opened - Jinyoung standing in the frame, a stern glance on his look, "Why do I have to come home after tour to see you screaming at your mum?", your husband asked your daughter strictly.

She was Jinyoung's favorite and she loved him dearly but you were happy to see that as soon as there would be an argument Jinyoung and you always would stick together.

"Because she's not letting me go to the concert just because of a stupid exam. I could also just take it a week later."

His eyes widened when he heard what this argument was about. "You're literally telling your mother you hate her because she takes care of your education unlike you? If you go to this concert and fail your exam you'll not graduate, are you aware of this?"

Of course she was but she didn't care.

She stayed quiet, pouting before Jinyoung continued the conversation, "If you think you're old enough to make your own decision than show me that you can make the right ones.", he said, shaking his head while walking over to you to give you a kiss. He for sure didn't expect to come home to this after being away for 3 weeks.

"If you get in trouble because of the concert that's your problem. You won't get any help from me than, okay?", he said, looking your daughter in the eyes. Without saying anything she simply nodded a bit upset.

"Great.", he said, a smile forming at his lips, "Now give me a hug and tell your mum you're sorry and we'll go out and eat something nice, yes? I missed you.", he said while embracing your daughter, giving her a kiss on her hair, "You're still my baby. But you have to respect your mum when I'm away."

Youngjae

"Hey hey hey!", Youngjae came jogging downstairs when he heard that your daughter was screaming at you, "Calm down and talk to me. What happened between the two of you?"

"It doesn't even matter. You'll take mum's side anyways.", your daughter said clearly upset.

"Well, that's because your mum usually is always right and you should know by now.", your husband joked before putting an arm around your daughter, "No, all jokes aside, what happened?"

"I told her I won't let her leave until she did her chores.", you stated while shrugging.

"I'll come late! The next bus will only come in 45 minutes Dad.", she whined.

"You think that's a reason to literally yell at your mum?", he asked confused, "It's not like you are ever on time babe. It's really not okay to just scream at your mother because you didn't do your chores on time, that's disrespectful.", the way Youngjae talked to your daughter was making you smile, he was so calm and collected but still made sure she respected him.

"I guess.", she said under her breath, still slightly annoyed

"How about you do your chores now and as soon as you're done I'll drive you, ok? I wanted to spend a nice evening with your mum so let's not ruin her mood."

Bambam

"Listen, you're 16. Are you out of your mind?", you asked your daughter in shock.

"You know what, mum? You seriously have to let go. I'm growing up.", your daughter's voice was loud enough now for everyone in the house to hear.

You let out a laugh at the nonsense she was talking, "You think you're an adult? Let me cut your pocket money and pay some rent then. Get a job. Just getting drunk every weekend and getting a matching tattoo with your boyfriend doesn't make you an adult."

Before your daughter could scream back Bambam came running downstairs, a concerned expression on his face, "What happened?", he asked softly, trying to understand what was going on.

"Look at her arm.", you simply stated and he did.

"Oh darling.", he said, closing his eyes for a second, "Do you think this was a good idea?"

"Dad!", she whined, "Does it matter? It's my own body."

He chuckled a bit, "Just don't get mad at your mum. She just wants you to not regret doing stupid stuff. Believe me, when we were teens she always tried to stop me from doing stupid stuff."

You sighed, "And still you never listened to me. Why does no one take me serious?"

He gave you a small kiss before turning back to his daughter, "I wanted to get a tattoo with her name too but she told me she'd break up with me if I did.", he let out a laugh and you needed to laugh too as he told the story, "You're just as mischevious as your dad I guess."

Yugyeom

"Okay what the hell is going on here?", Yugyeom asked as he came home to see this daughter screaming at his wife, "Why are you screaming at your mother again?"

"Mum is saying I can't go to Eden's birthday party tomorrow. She is turning 16! I can't miss that.", your daughter said offended.

"Ok sweetheart I bet there's a reason your mother says no, right? What did you do?", your husband asked calmly.

"Nothing! She's overreacting.", she said pouting, "I had some fun instead of learning, that's her problem."

"Oh no babe, you took the money we gave you for your tutor and told him you are sick just to get drunk with Eden.", you corrected her.

"You did what?", Yugyeom asked shocked, "Be happy your mother found out before me. I'd not let you go anywhere for weeks. Seriously, no party for you tomorrow."

You gave Yugyeom a thankful glance for taking your side even though he knew that his daughter would get mad at him too.

"You two seriously hate the idea of me having fun!", she said while going to her room.

[noddytheornithopod]

MML New Episode Commentary Dump

There’s a lot of them soooooo

Lady Krillers:

“You recast all the men as women? You got a greenlight.” Ugh, it’s gonna be one of THOSE episodes.

Melissa is the voice of reason of course

“I had the most horrible dream... they were making a Krillhunter movie without Tobias.” Narrowly dodged a bullet there. And it continues through the episode. Too close, guys.

Tobias is wealthy, your gag just ruined any investment I had in this. :V

“Milo’s friend girl” bleh

Melissa is joining in, so much for voice of reason.

Okay, the alien fight in the background was funny.

“Lindana” we get it, Phineas and Ferb was a thing.

That song montage... it was uncomfortable. I’m cis so I’m an oblivious weirdo, but I do think there’s a couple of things that are kinda transmisogynist in here, with stuff like the shaving and the “lol ‘she’s’ strong ‘she’ put a guy down”. Not to mention it feels so sexist in that he has to be a woman in the most conventionally feminine way possible, bah.

Tobias puts on a shitty “guy as woman” voice, of course he does.

Okay this Cavendish and Dakota subplot is so forgettable I was literally zoning out. MML, what happened?

Tobias Trollhammer is embodying male entitlement, seriously.

The whole “she’s just like a female Tobias” thing is dumb too, it feels like it casts people out to want the exact same thing but women. These reboots are always new takes, or even outright new characters. And like... that’s the issue. Tobias isn’t irrelevant, he still has a fuckton of Krillhunter movies. I’m not interested in some whiny old dude with a million dollars. :V

He’s cast as the villain, ha ha ha.

“We do what we want with no regard to plot or character or making sense to the people watching.” MML, are you lowkey admitting something? ;P

The bison thing at the end is so lame. Seriously.

Okay... Tobias is actually satisfied with being the villain, and Milo is only concerned about the sudden character change. For a rather stupid episode, this is a surprising compromise. I’m not quite sure how to feel about it, TBH? It’s better than what I expected, but I’m not sure I’m satisfied.

Still though, this episode is dumb. The end.

The Goulash Legacy:

Goulash dude is meh.

“Humans and machines had a friendly relationship.” oh, so there IS some robot uprising at some point.

That kid finding the idea ridiculous seems to be the audience surrogate. :V

“Let’s go outside and see what Dr D is up to”. THIS IS TOTALLY NOT PNF GUYS

Doof sung the Moon ice-cream song... we get it, Phineas and Fe- oh wait Doof is here in general.

Norm is back... huh. He seems irrelevant though, just another invention.

Okay, chicken-replace-inator is eh, but Doof being insistent on how it works is kinda funny.

“Did that man just kiss his chicken?” What’s wrong with showing affections to pets, Miss Chase? :V

Zack is going in to get an inator even though they always fuck up... is Jackie supposed to be here again? Seriously, this feels so OOC. No reason for it, and he’s meant to be the most cautious.

Norm seems like he’s just a gag for now. Meh.

Diogee has four feet, why do his forelimbs have human feet now instead of usual dog feet, or even dog hind feet????

Zack is really carrying the idiot ball in this episode. You deserve better, man.

Diogee has hands... okay, that actually made me laugh.

Recurring raccon isn’t dead. SIGH.

So the Goulash robot comes to life. Okay.

“Paprika!” That’s going into outright so bad it’s good territory.

Love Handel. Seriously.

And the fucking robot gets stuck in a time capsule and also comes to life and is the statue at the start. Okay then.

Yet another “meh” episode. I kinda feel like the show is trying too hard to be weird now, TBH? Also seriously, Norm feels like his character is reduced to a punchline again and Zack was an idiot.

Also... I kinda feel like they treat MML on the same level as PnF too much when it REALLY isn’t.

The Dog Who Knew Too Much

Diogee episode, huh.

Lol I wonder why the museum of sharp objects doesn’t attract families

Perry is here at the talent show. Okay then.

Oh great, Doof being a pain at home, just what I want. Also... Sara has a few clothes lying around too even if it’s mostly Doof. :v

The mum thing is now even worse with Brigitte saying Doof is Sara’s brother. Ugh.

“Why does he live here again?” Because the writers said so.

The cops are targeting Murphys. Well then. Poor Martin though.

So Perry and Diogee escape from new random dudes because Diogee ate the USB shaped like a cookie. Okay.

Doof is still mad at Perry, and he just leaves. Okay.

Oh it’s that old lady again. K.

omg the eye balls lol

And Milo returns at the end. Wow.

Another meh episode, you know how it goes. Guess if you want a proper Perry and Diogee team up you might get something out of it. But eh.

Adventure Buddies:

OH HI VANESSA, YOU ACTUALLY STILL EXIST

“You’re spending too much time alone.” Just outright say he’s fucked off for too long and forgotten about you until now. :P

Oh, Vanessa reminding Doof of Perry, hmm?

The breakup drama, it’s glorious.

Vanessa is now gone, RIP. Guess like Norm it was literally just a “hey I still exist” moment. :v

Vanessa casually walks out and says hi to Brigitte. This is so fucking weird. So she’s visited before? Okay then. I mean good that Vanessa and Norm still exist, but it feels weird they’re still really neglected.

Doof is looking for Diogee now, K.

Milo looking dreamily at Zack- oh wait it’s just him having a thing written in someone’s book he’s happy about.

Brick and Savannah on Pistachio Duty is much funnier than the majority of the stuff I’ve just watched.

Doof waving to Vanessa at the start and saying to Milo to tell her he found an adventure buddy is sweet, not gonna lie.

Doof going on an adventure with Scott. Okay then.

Zack suggests a tetanus shot. Vaccination is good, kids! Vaccinate! Don’t listen to those Walking on Water founders or Greg Cipes, vaccinate!

I was starting to be lost on the Adventure Buddies thing but... Doof misses Perry and Scott with Mildred (who are clearly presented as a couple, mind you) doesn’t help things.

And they butt heads over it, with Doof even making his own girlfriend. Ooooh.

Professor Time mention. Fun.

Doof goes back home and he goes back to being all “I’ll go where they accept me” and it’s the Murphys. Granted they’re not into him being covered in sewer water, but this episode was setting up him realising how much he misses Perry, I swear.

This episode I felt was better... but then the ending came and fucked it up. So another to the mediocre pile regardless of Vanessa and Perry moments (which again despite being nice are still “why is there so much PnF?”).

Ride Along Little Doggie:

“Late in the season when the writers are tired.” Bleh.

Milo gets Amanda a drink, heh.

“I’m nominated for most tolerant friend.” “Is that a joke?” “Don’t push me lady.” WELL THEN.

Also... Zack pulling Melissa away when she was getting feisty. Kinda shippy if you ask me. :P

Elliot is fun thankfully.

Okay, I’m kinda tired of the Zippy gag now.

The recurring raccoon appears without the annoying theme song. This is a first. :V

Don’t tell me Diogee is gonna be a fucking cop dog.

Bradley is back with the stupid plant arm for a green thumb gag. Meh.

Yep, Diogee is a cop dog.

Murphy’s Law really stopping the award lol.

Greatest perseverance, what a surprise. Also lol, she kisses Milo and before she caught him. Are they a thing now?

Where the heck did Melissa go? And why wasn’t she staying around with the Murphys, nevermind Zack?

It was okay I guess? Pretty forgettable, but I had less issues than the other episodes. Milo subplot actually wasn’t too bad, it still had quite a bit that was just average but it had a few nice moments.

[terryblycute]

2020

overall this year was bad. bad, just like any other, how its always been, so nothing special. im writing this because my memory is getting worse and worse, and im sick of not remembering

corona lowkey annoying cuz i couldnt visit my friends on new years eve, but other than that everythings the same. on a positive note i didnt have to work as much either, and on a negative note i didnt get as much money. but thats alright.

((rude, unempathetic rant incoming. i know what im about to say is stupid but its my feelings and i want to talk about it regardless. if anyones reading, skip this)) what HAS been bothering me the most about corona is all the „2020 bad“ memes and people legitimately complaining about it. cuz like... nothing has changed. every year is horrible. it always has been. every year innocent people die, and nobody can do anything about it. of course i feel horrible for the people who lost their income/housing or family members because of it, and they have all the rights to complain... but lets be honest. none of the people i talk to were affected in any way by it. and the majority of people i hear talking about it havent lost their family/friends or homes to it either. its just a mild inconvenience to them, not being able to party without being arrested or seeing their friends or some shit. boo hoo, im alone all the time and never see any of my friends either and at this point im completely love & touch starvated regardless of corona. get over it

so... corona things out of the way, ive started thinking about my mental illnesses & trauma... A LOT. ive never thought about it all that much, because critical thinking is not something im able to do, usually. ive been reading lots of comix of people talking about/depicting mental illness, so i guess that kind of inspired and changed something in me, if i like it or not.

well, it turns out there is a shitton to unpack. i mean, ive always known there is so much wrong with me... but i was never really aware, if that makes sense. im still in the dark about most things, but its all coming together, little by little. i dont want to put my finger on anything, because im dumb, but at this point im 100% sure autism/aspergers isnt the only thing i got. far from it, in fact.

ive also learned that a lot of things in my life have left me with genuine, significant trauma, which ive never really realized before. i just thought the way i react to some things is cuz im, yknow... a whiny bitch. to name a few things:

me getting defensive/snappy when people of „authority“ (family, caretakers, doctors) ask me if im tired, how late i went to bed etc bc it is indirectly tied to why i was forced into psychiatry & the abuse i had to suffer there

fight or flight response activating when people talk about being in support of outdoor cats (i dont even want to fucking elaborate. tl;dr: my cat was almost killed by outdoor cat people and would be dead now if i hadnt gotten my shit together and worked hard on getting my own apartment, where he is safe. ive recieved no support & only been demonized during this time). this is a genuine fucking trigger

my rocky relationship with my mother and my thoughts about her, who is a genuinely good person, but managed to fuck me over, rip my entire ass apart and ruin my life regardless. also her lowkey restrictive/controlling upbringing stunting me for life

my huge, life-impairing abandonment issues. i dont even know where they come from, all i ever experienced were regular breakups & rejections with no hard feelings that just hit me especially hard for no reason i guess

how i cannot bear to be alone in a discord voice channel waiting for people to join & my stunted ability to talk to people when im alone with them (i got actively excluded by my best friends for being suicidal & a downer, they created a discord voice channel i couldnt see & didnt have access to for them to be without me, all while i was waiting all day long alone in our regular channel for someone to join me, in the same server)

relatedly, my inability to talk about my problems & mental illnesses with them. is also related to the cat incident

also my inability to show affection ever since my best friend stopped telling me „i love ya“

nothing else i can think of rn

i also realized that something is fundamentally, objectively wrong with me. i cant really talk about it... but the actions of one of my friends made it clear to me. it was proof that, somehow, im imbued with the horrifying essence of some eldritch lovecraftian horror being, repulsing everyone without them even realizing, unable of being loved. and its just... this knowledge, its too heavy to bear, for a single human being. i dont know what to do. i will have to live with this for the rest of my life - and i cant do anything about it.

ive also reconnected with an old friend over animal crossing, who introduced me to some other old friends (they were more like aquaintances back then, really), and in one of them ive found a friend for life, pretty much. but theyre all great, really.... i seriously appreciate that. they took my mind off my other best friend, whos been kind of ignoring my needs, resulting in me having panic attacks every day.

also, im making more of an effort to talk to & reply to the people i care about, cuz i have this friend who would chat me up every now and then, without me ever messaging him, just for me to ignore him for a couple hours cuz im too tired/busy/whatever... so at one point i was like „wait, what am i doing? hes one of the few friends who actually makes an effort, and i really care about this bitch!!“, so i went ahead and got my shit together, as best as i can at least (depressions still a bitch but im trying)

one last thing i wanna talk about... my view on life. this is gonna be huge, i think. big trigger warning for suicide stuff & other negative shit

im suicidal. always have been. thats not a secret, everyone who knows how to read between the lines (i cant, but most people do) can see that. sometimes you dont even have to, cuz im telling you outright. i usually dont talk about this openly though, not to my friends at least, cuz people only put up with suicidals for so long, and i cant afford to lose anyone else... ahem. anyways, something changed in the way i see suicide. when i was younger, i wanted to die because the pain i had to bear was just too great. there was no hope. and its still true - the pain is unbearable. i am in pain every waking moment. i have been for almost 11 years now. there is no joy, there is no happiness, there is only distraction.

however, thats not the reason i wanna die anymore. i think think that if i put in effort, i think i could be... not in pain, all the time anymore. but, heres the thing: i dont want to. im too tired, im too broken. i dont want to change, and i dont want anyone else to change. now i just want to die, for the sake of it. because i love death, with all of my heart. i think death is the best thing that could happen, to anyone. i 100% believe death is the only thing that will save you, ever. i am not exaggerating when i say „i love death“. and to live, without having the means to safely & efficiently kill myself... its destroying me. i get panic attacks every week thinking about it. what if someone else leaves me? im not gonna take it anymore, i refuse to. i refuse to keep suffering, but to end my suffering once and for all i have to die. i really, truly hate living... it just really isnt for me. and thats okay, im fine with it, im fine with dying - its what i want, its my choice, its my destiny - and i love this destiny. i wouldnt want it any other way - to kill myself, or be killed, thats how i want to go. i just need someone to help me. idk where im going with this, so lets move onto my next point:

my worldview. so.. im not sure when this all started. was it 2020? or 2019? maybe it started to dawn on me even earlier, i dont really know, but its been really intense in 2020. the way i view the world & life has changed drastically (or rather, formed, ive never really thought about it that much before). my mom has made it clear to me that you could be a genuinely good, loving person... and still fuck up your kid for life. and this is why i came to the conclusion that good parents, who dont fuck up their children irreversibly... they dont exist. the moment youre born into this world, youre doomed. there is no one who doesnt suffer, there is no one who doesnt want to die - and if they tell you they dont, they either just dont know yet or are in denial. if there is ANY chance of someone growing up to suffer just like i do - it is not worth it. irresponsible, even - to bring a kid into this world. and, the way the world is, and continues to be, there will never be the chance for someone to never suffer like me. which is why i dont think children should be born into this world, ever. and it fucks with me - it fucks with me so bad.

...happy mew year, everynyan

[btobsmuff-blog]

Farewell

Pairing: Changsub/Reader

Prompt: You get into a heated discussion with the person in the passenger seat.

a/n: shout out to my love @k0ntz​ for the request!

Marriage should always be about two people who love each other, regardless. It should never about two companies trying to save each other so they end up having their two children, basically strangers to one another, get married. You cannot believe it’s already 2017 and things like these still happen. This should only happen in movies, you thought.

Well the thing is, this whole situation is far worse than just two people who have zero love for each other. Why? It’s because you DO love the guy your parents made you marry. But he was in a relationship with another girl before this whole stupid marriage happened, and you can only feel sorry you had to ruin things for them.

“I’m such a horrible person.” You cussed out while packing your things. “But at least I’m finally doing the right thing, yeah?”

Tonight you made a decision to leave Changsub, your husband of 3 years. You’re not really planning to tell him upfront. You don’t have the heart to. It’s probably the dumbest thing to just leave your husband while he’s asleep but you’re almost full sure he’s not going to mind anyway. Heck, he’d probably glad if you do.

For the first part of your marriage, he’d constantly say he needed to work overtime. You’d pull a forced smile because you know he went to see Chorong, anyway. He loved her. I mean, why wouldn’t he? She’s beautiful and kind. You know they still go on dates and talk on the phone until dawn. You’re nothing but a monster that’s keeping them apart. Although, oddly, the last few months of your marriage, Changsub has been sweeter and nicer to you. He’s been going home earlier and on his phone less, too.

“I probably just gotten so used to it that it didn’t mind it anymore?” you thought.

 No. 

You lied. 

You lied to nobody but yourself.

Why do you do this to yourself? Why are you denying the love he’s been giving? It’s all what you wanted anyway so why?

“Good evening my lovely wife” he said as he put his arms around your waist and kissed your cheek. You love how he’s warm body melts on to you but you broke that thought immediately.

“You’re home early.” You forced a smile. “Probably, Chorong’s busy and couldn’t meet up with him?” you thought.

You loved short intimate moments like this. His arms around your tiny waist. His head resting on the crook of your neck. But here you go again. Self-destructing.

“Get real, Y/N. Surely, he’s just longing for her and imagining it is her he’s hugging.” You battled with yourself.

--------------

You and Changsub had light dinner and quick shower before settling down in the expensive king sized bed.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Cold feet.

Cold hands.

Here we go.

No more turning back.

The moment he falls fast asleep.

It will be goodbye.

“Good night, Y/N. I love you.” He said so deep and slow it almost felt sincere.

“Good night, Changsub.” You replied as he pouts.

“And?” he raised an eyebrow.

“I…I love you too” you whispered. You wouldn’t dare look into his eyes. It will just make everything harder for you. It will be harder to push through with your plan.

Lately, he loves wrapping you with his arms as you both sleep and he gets whiny whenever a tiny gap will grow between you and his body. But thank God he’s sleeping heavily tonight. He must be tired.

You took a last look at him.

How his soft features seems even way softer as he sleeps.

How his chest rises and falls.

How his hair is getting all messed up.

You mentally thanked him for all the pretend love he showed you.

It must have been hard for him to be with someone he doesn’t love.

You held back your tears as you carefully, very very carefully, stood up from the bed.

You took out the luggage you hid in the storage room and went out of the house as quickly as possible. Faster than lightning. Like a bullet on a pistol. That fast. And that fucking painful, too. Not leaving time for yourself to rethink your actions.

Farewell husband.

I mean...ex-husband.

--------

“Love?” Changsub’s face scrunched up only to find an empty spot next to him.

He hates having to wake up to the sound of the alarm. He’d rather have your sweet voice telling him to get up because breakfast is ready.

He shot up out of the bed as he felt the house seems…quieter?

That’s odd.

He went to the kitchen to look for you but he felt something wrong.

Your wedding pictures are nowhere to be found.

Your slippers weren’t there.

You weren’t there.

No traces of you.

As if you were never there.

He ran up to the bedroom. The room you used to share with him until last night.

He saw a piece of paper in the nightstand beside the lamp.

He felt stupid for not noticing earlier.

A sharp, very deep and sharp, pain was felt in his chest as he lifted the papers up.

There were 3 pages. One was your farewell note, and the last two are divorce papers. Divorce fucking papers.

Changsub massaged his head as he grab a handful of hair, not really understanding all of this.

“Lee Changsub,

I’m sorry our marriage had to end this way. Actually, I’m even more sorry we had to get married in the first place. I don’t want to ruin things for you and Chorong anymore. I know how much you love her. I feel nothing but guilt every time you had to go home to me when you could have been heading home to her. I’m really sorry. I truly am. Please sign the papers behind and I’ll explain to our parents everything, don’t worry.”

Sincerely,

Kim Y/N”

For some reason, you using your real last name hurts him even more. He wanted you to use Lee. Why shouldn’t you? You’re his wife. You have every legal right to use it.  

Without even fixing himself, he stormed out of the house and hopped on his car. He doesn’t even know where to start looking for you, but he’s willing to drive to wherever you are. He was mad. He was furious. He’s lost for words.

“What are you even thinking about, Y/N?!?” he shouted inside his car. Talking to an imaginary you.

He searched highs and lows for you. He didn’t notice he’s been driving the whole day searching for you. He only noticed when the surroundings went dark and his tummy grumbled in hunger. It’s a little bit past midnight anyway. He pulled over to the side of the street and grabbed his hair with both hands. Groaning in frustration.

“Think Changsub, think!” he closed his eyes shut, thinking of all the places where you could be. “Underground Café!” he shouted. His face lit up.

Of course. Why wouldn’t you be at your favorite coffee shop?

He drove fast to where the café was. It’s probably a solid 45-minute drive and upon arriving, he did nothing but scan the whole place.

There.

He spotted you there.

He saw you.

Leaning your head against the glass window.

He grew mad.

At you? No.

At himself. For not knowing how it pained you knowing he’s been cheating on the beginning of your marriage.

Well okay. He was kinda mad at you too.

He stormed inside the café towards you.

“Care to explain?” he said holding the now crumpled up divorce papers. Anger and confusion written on his face and you could sense he was holding back his tears.

You cleared your throat as the tension between the two of you builds up.

“You shouldn’t really mess up legal documents, Changsub. Now I have to get a new one.” You said firmly. As emotionless as possible. Cold. Ice cold.

And that made Changsub grow hotter with anger.

He grabbed you by the wrist and walked you out of the café and into his car.

“Seriously Changsub, if you’re afraid of what are parents will say, don’t worry I’ll explain everything to them! This will not affect the company!” you said almost shouting as he continues to drive with one hand, the other massaging his temples with elbows resting on the driver seat’s window.

He glared at you for a brief second before returning his focus on the road. His eyes growing red.

Did you just see tears?

“Can you pull over please? I don’t want to go back to our…your house” you corrected yourself.

He did. He stopped the car and looked at you again.

“I’m doing this for your happiness, Changsub” you said even before he could speak.

“Well what the fuck do you know about my happiness?!” he shouted. You swallowed hard not really prepared with this angry Changsub in front of you.

“I know you still love Chorong, okay? I don’t want to burden you anymore!” you gave up. Your tears gave up. You felt weak and stupid for crying in front of him.

“Then that means you don’t know anything!” he argued back.

You fell silent. This was not what you expected. You envisioned him signing the divorce papers and going back to the love of his life. And you moving on from all of this. That’s it.

“Do you know-“ he choked. His tears disabling him from speaking. “How it feels waking up and realizing your wife is not there anymore?”

You fell silent.

“Do you understand…how scared I was when I realized…your pictures and clothes are not in the house anymore?” he said in between sobs. His face completely red.

“Do you know how broken hearted I was with the note you left me asking me to sign those stupid divorce papers??” pain written all over his face as he cried harder, resting his head on the steering wheel.

You rubbed his back. Stupid move. You think you can ease all the pain you caused with that?

“I’m sorry if I still continued seeing her after our marriage but I’ve forgotten about her already. I only love you now, Y/N. And I’m sure it’s you I want to spent the rest of my life with.” He took your hand that was on his back a while ago and kissed it.

“The way you take care of me with coffee in the morning and delicious dinner was more than enough for me to fall in love with you. I would be the biggest dumb ass if I let you go…” he said slightly forcing a smile.

“I tried my best to make our marriage happy. To make you happy. That’s why I was so broken hearted when you suddenly wanted to leave.” His breathing is getting sharper as his tears poured out continuously.

“Please…please.” He begged.  His grip on your hand growing tighter.

“Don’t make me sign those papers. Stay married to me. Please.” He cried harder. As if expecting a rejection from you.

Each word stinged.

But.

Your heart softened.

You believed everything he just said. You were just denying the love he is giving you. You felt it yourself. All the spooning. All the random cheek kisses. All the hand holding. You felt all of those. You felt Changsub’s love in all of those.

But you were blinded with guilt then.

“Of course I’ll stay married to you.” You cupped his cheeks and kissed him attempting to stop his sobs.

He pulled away and stared at you.

“Do you promise to be Mrs. Lee again?” he asked you with full hope in his eyes. Kind of like a child is asking his mother if he can get a new toy car.

You chuckled softly and nodded in agreement as you wipe away his tears. “Let’s get to your home now.” You said signaling him to start driving again.

His nose scrunched up and pouted. “Our home!” he corrected you. The words our and home giving you weird butterflies.

You laughed. “Alright Mr. Lee, now get driving.” You chuckled. “Mrs. Lee’s getting sleepy.” you went on.

He jolted.

His tears suddenly went dry.

He kissed you once before driving again.

He had the purest grin on his face too.

And his cheek grew a soft shade of pink just hearing you address yourself again with his last name.

[audreycritter]

The Babysitter’s Club: Tim and the Toddler

A fic for @komadoriwonder​ . Set in Cor Et Cerebrum Continuity and a follow up to “Jason’s Gots Kids?” 

Rated: G Gen/Family Bonding Characters: Tim Drake, Jason Todd, Isaac Wayne, Damian Wayne, Kiran Devabhaktuni 6463 words AO3 Link Here

**

The Babysitter’s Club: Tim and the Toddler

The ceiling fan whirs slowly above the bed while Tim stares at it and holds his cellphone to his ear.

“But why me?” he asks, in a voice that sounds too close to whining for his own comfort. “I don't know what to do with a baby.”

“He's not a baby. He's three,” Jason answers. “And he likes you.”

This point seems feeble to Tim.

“Isaac likes everyone. What am I supposed to do with him? Why can't Alfred watch him?”

“Fu--” There's a squeal of laughter in the background. “--dge, Tim. Tomorrow’s Alfred’s day off. There's no way in heck I’m asking him to give that up. He only takes like six a year and you know it.”

Tim flops over onto his stomach and buries his face in his pillow, then turns his head so he can talk again.

“Bruce?”

“Out of town.”

“Dick?”

“Working.”

“Steph?” Tim suggests, rolling again and sitting up a little.

“Volunteer hours for school. Trust me, I asked,” Jason answers. “I hate to break it to you, but you weren't my first choice. I didn't call you for a list of suggestions, either.”

And now his older brother is starting to sound pissed instead of pleading, his patience apparently wearing thin.

“He’s three,” Jason repeats. “I'll give you a list of stuff to do. You can even pick where you watch him.”

“Ugh,” Tim says, dropping back to the bed. “Not to be overly critical, but shouldn't you have found someone like, before now? Instead of a twelve hour notice?”

Jason makes a noise Tim cannot decipher. It might be a bitten-off swear. A high, plaintive voice is now wailing something incoherent in the background.

“Damnit, Tim. I already went over this,” Jason spits out. He speaks slowly, as if to someone stupid, and it irritates Tim. “I have a workshop tomorrow. I need the continuing education credit for my job and my foster parent file. Someone told me they would have childcare and I found out this afternoon they were wrong. I've been on the phone all day, and yes I tried everyone before you and before you suggest her, Cass has a ballet rehearsal and the last time she watched him all they ate was Twizzlers.”

“Don't you have friends?” Tim says, his resolve wavering. As much as the prospect of watching a toddler for eight hours terrifies him, the idea of leaving Jason actually stranded bothers him more.

“Yeah,” Jason says sarcastically. “I work full-time and I take care of Isaac. I have a ton of friends I can pay to watch him all day. I'll just scrape together $200.”

“I'll give you two hundred if you need it,” Tim says.

“Tim,” Jason says, back now to pleading. Tim knows from experience in other things this means that Jason is ready to snap, swear at him, and slam the phone down and hold it against him for weeks. “If it's gonna be eight hours after daycare all week, I’d rather him be with family. Please.”

It is the please, from Jason, that almost undoes him on the spot.

“What about Damian?” Tim says, wincing even as he says it. “Eighteen is old enough, right?”

Jason pulls the phone away from his face, Tim guesses, because he can hear a distant, “No, Zac, we’re not painting right now.”

There’s an angry, stomping cry.

Tim sighs and feels like the asshole he knows he's being.

“Ten minutes. I promise, ten minutes, look, when the frog beeps that's ten, and we can do bath crayons. Just let me tell Uncle Tim what you like to eat for lunch.”

“Uncle Tim!” the voice yells.

“He wants to say hi,” Jason says. “Say hi. No, he can't see that, it's not Skype. Yes, we can show Grandpa Bee. Later. Say hi.”

“Hiiiiiii,” Isaac says, his voice muffled. “Isawawobutithadlasershesmyfriend.”

“I didn't get any of that,” Tim says after the sound of a brief scuffle when it's clear Jason has wrangled the phone away. He pinches the bridge of his nose. “What time again? Can we do it at the Manor? My apartment is crap for kids and if I come to your place I won't know where anything is.”

“The Manor is perfect,” Jason breathes in relief. “He's got a bunch of stuff there and that room Alfred gave him. Thank you, thank you, Tim.”

“It's nothing,” Tim says, covering his eyes with one hand. “I'm sorry I was being a jerk.”

“If it makes you feel any better-- ow, Zac, did the frog beep? Isaac Alfred Wayne! No! Tim, I gotta-- okay, he took it out of his mouth. I asked Damian first but he said something about katana practice swords and I can't do that to Isaac, you know how D is.”

“Wait, you seriously asked Damian before you got to me?” Tim demands, sitting up straight. “Jay.”

“At least Damian said yes right away,” Jason shoots back. “I had to drag it kicking and screaming out of you.”

“I know, I know,” Tim says, crawling off the bed and dropping to the floor. He leans against the sideboards of the frame and drops his head against the twisted, trailing comforter. “I'm sorry. I just don't want to mess him up.”

“Tim, it’s like, eight or nine hours tops. I'm sitting on the kitchen floor and he’s watching me while he licks a bath crayon. He's pretty resilient. I think you'll manage. Seven in the morning. I'll try to feed him first but who knows how that’ll go.”

“Fine,” Tim says. “I can be an adult. Just...treat me like I'm dumb. Write it all down or text stuff or I won't know what to do.”

“I will,” Jason says. “This is my fault. I should have made you watch him sooner. Thank you. I’ll bring you coffee.”

“No,” Tim says, sliding sideways until he's slumped over on the floor. “Don't worry about it. If you get coffee that means you have to leave sooner and if you're in a hurry you’ll forget to tell me something important like that he's deathly allergic to mangoes or something I should already know and just...make it up to me later. I'll get coffee.”

“You're a lifesaver, Tim, honestly,” Jason says, sounding suddenly exhausted.

“It's fine. It's kind of my family job,” Tim says. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” Jason says and it sounds like he's yawning. “A fricking lot better now. I'll see you tomorrow.”

The line clicks off and Tim doesn't move for a few minutes. He's twenty-three and suddenly feels younger and more foolish than he has in maybe a decade and considers texting Jason to apologize, again, for being such a stubborn, whiny shit.

He scrolls through stuff on his phone while lying on his bedroom floor and finds a gif he'd forgotten to send earlier, and sends it and the apology.

Almost as soon as it sends, the phone buzzes and he looks at the screen surprised by the quick reply.

Where are we gaming tmw? Do I need to come make your sorry arse clean first?

“Crap,” Tim says, moaning. He types half a message and then deletes it all and calls.

“Dev,” he says as soon as the call connects. “I'm so sorry, I forgot. We have to cancel.”

“You forgot our years-long tradition?” Dev questions. “The same one we've canceled two weeks now over bloody poor scheduling?”

“Don't be pissed,” Tim pleads, even though Dev doesn't sound too upset. “I told Jason I'd watch Isaac.”

“Oh, brilliant then, he found someone,” Dev says. There's a pause. “Hold up, mate, he asked you?”

“He asked you before me?” Tim exclaims. “What the hell. You didn't tell him no because of gaming day, did you? Because I'm gonna feel super awful if you did and I didn't.”

“Bloody hell, of course not,” Dev says, now sounding offended. “I've a shift until seven in the morning. I'm to be on-call for the emergency department and didn't want to leave him sodding stranded if I was called into surgery at the last minute.”

“Oh,” Tim says, relaxing against the floor again. “Well, I guess it doesn't matter. I'm watching him and I'll see you Sunday if it doesn't end up in catastrophe. I mean, I know he's a good kid, I just don't know how to keep him alive all day.”

“I'll swing by, yeah?” Dev offers. “If I’m busy all night and don't get to sleep in my office, I'll stop by my flat and catch a few hours and come ‘round at lunch. Are you at Jason’s, then?”

“The Manor,” Tim says a little less miserable at the prospect now.

“Lovely,” Dev says. “I'll bring the relief effort.”

“And coffee,” Tim says, glancing around his room that he should probably clean now if he's going to be gone all day tomorrow and won't want to deal with Sunday. “Bring coffee.”

Isaac Wayne is a wonderful nephew and Tim knows it. He is sweet and affectionate and liberally gives out hugs and smiles.

He is also losing his tiny mind.

Tim, despite his better judgment, patrolled for four hours after cleaning most of his apartment. And now, having left a whirlwind of barely-touched breakfast and snack foods in their wake, he is exhausted and following Isaac around as the kid runs from room to room yelling for people and at things.

After Jason dropped him off, Tim managed to more or less follow the list and it is during Isaac’s first frustrated meltdown at not being understood that Damian emerges from whatever lair he's been lurking in and watches, faintly amused. It does not help that he is almost as tall as Bruce now, head and shoulders over Tim.

“Don't just stand there,” Tim snaps, a bucking, shrieking toddler just barely captured under one arm. “Help or get lost.”

Damian shrugs and leaves, which is not exactly what Tim was hoping would happen. Still, even if Damian has mellowed a lot in the past few years, it's not like little kids are his strong suit any more than they're Tim’s. Especially crying, screaming, angry ones. Maybe if Isaac had fur and soft, floppy ears, Damian’s tolerance would extend beyond good moods.

There's the soft snick of a door locking that Tim manages to hear over a brief gap when Isaac stops to suck in air. That, from the direction of the front parlor, means Damian’s elected to retreat as far as the cave and Tim guesses he won't even see him again until he's out tonight, if then.

“Wanna go find a cat, Isaac? Where's the cat?”

“No!” Isaac shouts, twisting hard.

“What about a car? Do you like cars?” Tim pleads, cussing inwardly at himself for all the times Stephanie prompted just go play with him, nerdbrain, you won't always be able to just watch cartoons and he'd ignored her.

Swimming, he can do, but it’s too cold. Reading, he can handle but they've done all of Isaac’s favorites twice already. Jason had written in all-caps at the end of his page of instructions DO NOT LET HIM WATCH TV ALL DAY, TIM. ONE HOUR MAX.

Tim is saving that hour, clinging to it like a life raft.

“Cars?” Isaac sniffles.

“Cars,” Tim says again, relieved. “Wanna see cars? Real ones?”

Belatedly, he realizes Isaac might actually have toy cars somewhere in the playroom now across from the study, but the little boy twists in Tim’s grip so he's somehow shifted himself from under Tim’s arm to perched on his hip. Remnants of tears glisten in his eyes and he nods.

“Yeah,” Isaac says, “yeah.”

So, second-guessing himself the whole time, Tim treks down to the garage with the kid and sets him down after flicking the lights on. He's pretty sure Isaac’s been in the room before, by the way he heads straight for the pegboard of keys and bounces expectantly.

“We’re not going anywhere,” Tim warns, alarms now going off in his head. He's not completely certain but he's mostly confident in his belief that people Isaac’s size still require car seats. If there's one at the Manor, he has no idea where it is.

Isaac’s face twists into a disappointed pout, his lower lip trembling.

“Wanna pretend to drive?” Tim offers hurriedly. “You can sit in the big seat and everything.”

The pout instantly transforms into such a look of unreserved rapture that Tim wonders if he's letting Isaac do something that's usually off-limits in any and every form.

“Pick one,” Tim gestures to the room. “Any of ‘em.”

Isaac makes a beeline for a bright red Lamborghini that was one of Bruce’s preferred social night cars when Tim was thirteen. It looks dated and not quite vintage yet, but still sleek and shining. It's flashy and screams for attention and is the embodiment of everything Bruce tried to project his public image as at the time. That was before he'd somehow shifted to hapless dad with Tim, Cass, and Damian at his elbows instead of low-necklined 20-somethings in gala photos.

The last public photo Tim had been made aware of, by the office and by family, was Bruce in a suit with Isaac in one arm and a sippy cup in the other hand, cheerfully taking the toddler’s escape onto the stage in-stride at a building dedication ceremony.

Soft, to Bruce’s supreme frustration, was a word often paired with him in press descriptions now. Still, nobody could argue it wasn't, at the least, an effective distraction.

Tim unlocks the Lamborghini and makes sure the start features are disabled and the brake locked, and then lets Isaac have at it. The toddler sits on his knees on the leather seat and makes loud engine noises while he turns the wheel, and then gets distracted by jabbing radio buttons.

As Tim leans back in the passenger seat, letting Isaac explore and pretend to drive, he watches to make sure he doesn't press anything that could be dangerous and he relaxes a little. Isaac flashes him a crooked, toothy grin that, despite the lack of blood relationship, reminds him a lot of Jason.

For the first time in hours, Tim doesn't feel on the verge of being massively overwhelmed. He wishes he'd bothered to talk himself down a bit from reactive panic earlier, because it's actually kind of nice, just hanging out with a kid who thinks he's one of the most important people in the world.

He's always liked Isaac but there have always been other people around to deal with diapers and food and sleeping and tears and Tim has instinctively shied away from every close encounter to such things. Right now, sitting and watching the curly-headed kid grip his little brown hands around the leather-bound steering wheel, he faces the fact that he's already survived an entire morning of being It and it isn't as bad as he thought.

Isaac looks over and says, “You be a robot. I'm Robin Hood.”

“Okay,” Tim says, feeling dumb about pretending but also aware it is something he can do to keep Isaac happy. “Do I have a jet pack?”

He definitely has this under control.

An hour later and he has nothing under control.

Tim is in the kitchen with a bowl of macaroni and cheese he made from a box, a box Jason specifically packed because he claimed Isaac would eat it.

Isaac is on the floor sobbing that he will not eat that macaroni.

Or, that's about as much as Tim has deciphered.

The little boy drags himself off the floor and stumbles toward the fridge, still wailing. He tugs ineffectually at the door, too weepy to get a good grip.

“Isaac, you like macaroni!” Tim says, half-encouraging and half-begging, the plastic bowl still in his hand. He'd managed to keep him busy at the table with crayons and paper while he cooked the promised macaroni but it had taken one glance for Isaac to fling himself down and cry.

“Wantowlcheese,” Isaac sobs back.

“It is mac-n-cheese!” Tim insists, wiggling the bowl. “Just look!”

He can't remember if he ever gave nannies a hard time like this.

“WANTOWLCHEESE!” Isaac roars, slumping against the fridge and sniffling bitterly.

“I've either arrived too early or too late,” Dev says from the kitchen doorway.

“Thank God,” Tim exhales over the noise, when he turns and sees Dev with a drink tray. “Help me.”

“What'd you do to him, Timothy?” Dev asks impassively, holding the drink carrier out a little when Tim reaches desperately for the coffee. There's another tiny cup nestled next to his and he didn't even know they came in that size.

“Nothing!” Tim protests. “I made him lunch. He freaked out.”

“OWL. CHEESE. OWL. CHEESE.” Isaac punctuates the words with kicks to the fridge door.

“Mate,” Dev says, crouching down by Isaac. “I've brought you coffee.”

“Dev!” Tim exclaims. “Jason will kill me. Kill me.”

“Bloody hell, Timothy, calm down,” Dev says, turning with the cup in his hand. “Have a bit of trust, yeah?”

Tim nervously sips his coffee and taps his foot while watching, the abandoned macaroni bowl on the counter.

“Coffee?” Isaac asks hopefully, calming down to hiccups.

“Your own,” Dev says. “Come ‘round to the table, then, and sit with us. I've a tea and Uncle Tim’s got his own coffee.”

There is a brief moment when Isaac looks peaceful, like he might stand up and wipe his face off and listen. But then his tiny brows scrunch with betrayal and his mouth twists and he wails, even more loudly.

“NO. OWL CHEESE.”

Dev stands and sets the cup on the counter and takes his own tea. Tim is annoyed at how calm he looks.

“That's it? You're just giving up?”

“Where’s Alfie?” Dev asks, looking around.

“It's his day off,” Tim says sharply. “And if I bother him in any way, Jason won't just kill me, he’ll make it slow and painful.”

“He wants Alfie’s cooking,” Dev says, pointing vaguely in Isaac’s direction with his elbow while he sips his tea.

“Owl cheese,” Tim echoes, putting a hand over his eyes. “I'm an idiot.”

“Jay feeds him well enough,” Dev says, glancing at the box still sitting sideways on the counter. “But the tyke’s had everything from scratch here. Did you bother explaining anything?”

“He's three,” Tim says, looking at the weeping boy.

“Oh,” Dev says, turning and hunting the cabinets for something. “So he’s not grown his brain yet. That comes a bit later, right.”

“I don't know what I'm doing!” Tim says, exasperated. “It didn't say I had to explain everything!”

Dev’s found a pepper shaker in the cabinet and he takes the macaroni and cheese and sits on the floor with it.

“Look, mate,” Dev says to Isaac, who flops over and glares at him. “Owl’s out for the day. He's on a trip. We've got to manage by ourselves but I've found the specks he puts on the other kind.”

“How do you know all this,” Tim says flatly. “Am I just, like, super detached?”

Isaac sits up to watch Dev twist the grinder. Flakes of pepper drift down onto the boxed macaroni, black against neon orange.

“I'm about,” Dev says. “And with Alfie when I'm not with you, when I'm not suturing someone or setting bones.” He hands Isaac the bowl and Isaac sits with his little legs splayed out to the sides and begins eating.

“Yeah,” Tim says with a note of irritation, “but when do you spend time with kids? Like how do you just know?”

Dev reaches up to the counter for his tea while Isaac hums happily and spoons noodles into his mouth.

“I've pediatric patients,” Dev says. “Not a lot, but now and then. And Rani’s kids. And I was ten when Kam was born; I watched her when my mum was busy. Leena wouldn't.”

Only halfway through the bowl, Isaac’s head dips forward and then jerks upward. The second time it happens, Dev’s hand flies out and catches Isaac’s face right before it lands in the macaroni.

“Did he nap?” Dev asks, sounding worried. “He's not fevered.”

“Jay’s notes said ten in the morning, but when I asked, Isaac said he wasn't tired,” Tim says, fully unprepared for the incredulous look Dev swings around to give him.

“You bloody asked him,” Dev says.

“I hate it when people are always telling me to sleep!” Tim protests. “He said he wasn't tired!”

“Is there a bed made up?” Dev asks, shifting around and sliding the bowl out of the way with his foot. He lifts the slumped tiny body off the floor and hands him over to Tim. “I'm telling Jason to start dropping him off at your flat once a week.”

Tim lets Isaac’s heavy head drop against his shoulder and the boy snuggles drowsily into him.

“I'm the worst uncle,” Tim sighs, leaving the kitchen.

There's a small bed in the room across from the study, surrounded by a mix of vintage and newer toys. Tim lowers Isaac carefully and the toddler startles and blinks.

“Shh,” Tim attempts.

“Uncle Robot,” Isaac mumbles, turning over. He's asleep again.

Tim returns to the kitchen to find Dev rummaging through the fridge. The tiny coffee cup is sitting on a shelf next to a stack of yogurts.

“Coffee?” Tim asks.

“Steamed milk with caramel flavoring,” Dev says. “Rani’s kids order it. There's lasagna. Have you eaten?”

“No,” Tim says, leaning against the counter. “I'm honestly so bad at this, Dev. It's messed up. Give me a kid that’s hurt or been kidnapped and I know exactly what to do. But give me a few hours with my own nephew and I'm shit.”

The microwave buzzes faintly as it heats up the container Dev threw onto the rotating plate.

“You've not done as poorly as you think,” Dev says. “Stop expecting yourself to be bloody perfect the moment you give it a go. You're not his da.”

Tim shrugs. “That's true. I guess it hasn't been that bad.”

“He would've shouted about Alfie’s macaroni even if Jason had been here,” Dev says confidently. “You'll just have to stop panicking and treating him like a machine with an sequence of buttons to push. Talk to him.”

Tim feels the sting of this, an analogy similar to the same one he mentally leveled at Damian early, and he swallows.

“Wanna get some gaming in?” he asks, when Dev pulls the lasagna out and pokes it experimentally with a fork.

“Of course I sodding do,” Dev says. “I've been in withdrawal.”

And for an hour, Tim trades off eating and managing the controller of a long-neglected RPG in an alien landscape. They play until a small, sleepy voice from behind them asks, “Where's my coffee?”

“I've saved it for you, mate,” Dev says, pausing the game.

“Can you get it?” Tim asks, glancing at the screen. “I just had an idea but I have to break into Cass’ room.”

If the idea of him picking the lock to his sister’s rarely used bedroom might have once surprised Dev, it doesn't now, and the older man takes it easily in stride. He stands and holds a hand out to Isaac.

“Come on, then, you plonker. Let’s get your coffee.”

Tim sprints up the stairs and tries the knob before hunting around for a key. There's one under the decorative vase on a pillar a few feet down the hall. Cass, in the past few years, has treated the room as a sort of holding place for stuff she's fond of or considers useful but doesn't want to try to cram into the apartment she shares with Steph. The one time Bruce suggested cleaning out the room, Alfred had given him a sharp scowl and reminded him when only Tim was in earshot, that at least she was now caring to save things instead of treating everything as disposable or free of emotional meaning.

The room, for all her saving, is still fairly neat and not anywhere close to hoarding. Under the thin TV on one wall, there is an old, dusty Wii U system and Tim texts her before unplugging it and blowing it off.

Downstairs, he hooks it up to the TV. He can hear Isaac giggling and Dev talking in that over-serious way he uses when he's being ridiculous.

Tim turns on the Wii U just to make sure it will work and then heads to the kitchen. He finds Isaac sitting with both of his hands around the paper cup, concentrating on balancing it when he takes a drink. Dev has made another cup of tea and is building a tower out of sugar cubes. When it gets five or six blocks high, Isaac puts his cup down and knocks it over, then roars with laughter.

“I got it set up,” Tim says, sitting down with them. Isaac promptly abandons his destructive efforts to climb onto Tim’s lap. “Want to play a game?”

“Yeah!” Isaac says. “Chess?”

“You are not a normal three year old,” Dev says evenly, sipping his tea. “I'll blame this one on Wayne.”

“I bet he makes him follow the rules, too,” Tim says, ruffling Isaac’s curls. They bounce back into place.

“Pawn hops forward,” Isaac says. “One hop.”

“Yeah, we’re gonna go play video games, Isaac,” Tim says, shaking the cup a little to confirm that it's empty. “I like chess but you need to develop some controller skills.”

“I don’t like chess,” Dev says, “despite your da’s repeated attempts to prove to me otherwise.”

“That's because you only ever play with Bruce,” Tim retorts, standing and lifting Isaac with him. “It's like playing a brick wall. A really smart brick wall, but his no-talking rule makes it pretty dry. We should play sometime.”

“Bishop goes sideways!” Isaac comments cheerfully.

“No,” Dev says firmly. “You and Steph already bloody tried this with word game apps and I know my weaknesses. I'll stick to games with proper button-mashing.”

They walk into the den together and Tim sets Isaac down on the couch, where the kid does a headstand on the cushions.

“Uncle Tim!” he cries. “Watch!”

He does something that might be an attempt at a flip, but looks more like falling sideways. Tim waits a moment to see if Isaac will express disappointment with the result, but he tumbles upright looking pretty pleased with himself.

“Wow,” Tim says.

“Brilliant,” Dev says. “You ought to teach me sometime. And convincing enthusiasm, Tim.”

“Shut up,” Tim mutters, getting the Gamepad. “You think Captain Toad is okay?”

Isaac bounces on the couch and reaches out with both arms. His face is split in a massive, excited grin and Tim kicks himself for not thinking of this months ago.

“That one’s lovely,” Dev agrees, leaning back on the couch and stretching out his legs.

Tim sits on the other side of Isaac and leans over, rushing through the start menu prompts before Isaac’s fingers can hit the screen.

“Okay, now you can do it,” Tim says once the level is started. “Move with this.”

Isaac sticks his tongue out one corner of his mouth while he concentrates, moving the avatar on screen in tiny, jerky motions as he manipulates the joystick.

“Oh, you got a coin, well done,” Dev says, when Isaac’s managed to move his figure around a little.

“Yeah,” Isaac agrees, his voice full of a smile.

“Walk this way,” Tim says, pointing. He waits while Isaac figures out how to turn around. “Yep. Go right for that bridge.”

They sit for close to half an hour while Isaac plays, his face tipping closer and closer to the screen until Tim has to remind him to sit back. He gets through two levels before Tim notices the time.

“You hungry?” he asks.

“No,” Isaac says.

“It's snack time,” Tim says, glancing over Isaac’s head for Dev’s support. Dev shrugs.

“No,” Isaac says.

“I think we need to stop,” Tim says reluctantly, braced for explosion. “You need to eat something. You didn't even finish lunch.”

“No,” Isaac whines, clutching the Gamepad.

“Two minutes?” Dev suggests.

“I’ll set a timer on my phone,” Tim says. “It beeps and we’re done.” He readies himself for this to backfire, already envisioning himself and Dev having to literally pry Isaac away from the game amid screaming.

“Okay,” Isaac sighs, dramatically.

The phone beeps in a sing-song tone two minutes later and Isaac slowly and, with much moaning, surrenders the Gamepad.

Dev shuts off the system while Tim takes Isaac to the bathroom, despite Isaac complaining he doesn't need to go, and he waits just outside when Isaac pushes against his legs and says, “By myself.”

He has to go in and roll toilet paper back up and straighten out Isaac’s crooked pants, but they eventually end up in the kitchen again with peanut butter crackers and apple slices. By Jason’s estimation, there's only an hour and a half left before he comes to pick Isaac up and Tim is faintly surprised that the time is already gone. It feels like it's been both the longest and shortest day he's had in a while.

Tim brews another cup of coffee and ducks out to find Dev sleeping on the couch. He goes back to the kitchen to hear Isaac talking to his crackers, just as Damian comes back in through the front door with an animal carrier.

“If it's rabid, Isaac’s still here,” Tim warns, leaning his head out into the hallway.

“It is not rabid,” Damian says, sounding only mildly annoyed. He brushes past Tim and sets the cage on the kitchen floor. He opens the door and a kitten crawls out into his outstretched hand.

Isaac forgets completely about his half-eaten snack and tries to crane his neck and stand on tiptoes to see the mewling creature while Tim wipes his hands off.

“Whose cat?” Tim asks, feeling dumb for asking.

“A foster kitten,” Damian says. “I will only have him for a few weeks. The mother wouldn't feed him.”

“Oh,” Tim says, lifting Isaac to see.

“I thought Isaac would appreciate him,” Damian says, holding the kitten out a little without giving it up completely. Isaac reaches out tentatively, his eyes wide, and pulls his fingers back with a tiny yelp of surprise when the kitten licks him.

“Rough,” he says, startled, and looking to Damian’s face for a reaction.

“The tongue is slightly abrasive,” Damian says, letting the kitten gnaw and suck on his own fingers. Isaac reaches out to try again and this time, giggles. Tim feels the little boy press more tightly against his side in giddiness, and his free hand clenches and unclenches as if trying to dispel his desire to squeeze the cat.

The kitten mewls at Isaac’s knuckles and Tim, by way of angling himself so Isaac can be closer to the cat, finds himself standing closer to Damian than he usually does. They've long since moved past their days of outright antagonism but they've never exactly been close, and even Damian’s closer relationships tend to have moments where physical contact or nearness flits in and out by his mood. Most of the time, his youngest brother carefully keeps a diameter of personal space Steph teasingly refers to as “Damian’s Sacred Bubble.”

Isaac is leaning his head over the kitten, almost touching Damian’s cheek with his own forehead, and Damian does not step back or move away. He pets the kitten’s back with a thumb.

“I do not think I joke well over the phone,” Damian says quietly, to Tim and not to Isaac. Isaac is meowing back at the kitten in a little voice that might be his attempt at a whisper.

“What?” Tim asks.

“Or perhaps I underestimated Jason’s level of stress and it was not good timing,” Damian continues, as if Tim hadn't spoken.

Above Isaac’s head, for a brief second, their eyes meet and Tim has a flash of understanding.

“The wooden katanas,” he says.

“I am not inept. I have learned what is appropriate for small children,” Damian says, almost defensively.

“Jay was really stressed,” Tim says. “And I was a jerk. At least you were just trying to be funny.”

“Tt,” Damian says, his gaze on the cat.

“You could have stuck around and hung out with us,” Tim says, wondering now if he’d also somehow driven Damian away on top of it. He really needs to take some time off work and push himself. It's been awhile since he's really been very far from his, albeit often physically dangerous, comfort zone.

“I was angry,” Damian says simply, holding out an arm. Tim shifts Isaac up and slides him over, so Damian is left with a nephew crooked in one elbow and a kitten on his other wrist.

“Angry is okay,” Isaac says seriously, still enthralled by the kitten. “Biting is not.”

That gets a sudden flash of a smile out of Damian and Tim laughs and pats Isaac’s shoulder.

“I was slightly angry,” Damian amends. “I was also hurt.”

“Bandaid?” Isaac asks suddenly, his attention torn from the kitten as he leans back in Damian’s arm to look his uncle over.

“No,” Damian says quietly, without humor. Tim, however, is amused but only slightly. “A different type of hurt. I think I am doing better now. Is Alfred still sleeping?”

“He's here?” Tim asks, surprised.

“Owl?” Isaac echoes hopefully.

“He often sleeps on his day off, but rarely past dinner,” Damian says. “If you have not seen him, he is likely still asleep or reading.”

“Owl is busy,” Tim tells Isaac. “Tomorrow you can see him.” Despite Jason’s threats, Tim seriously doubts Alfred would be much bothered by seeing Isaac if he was awake-- but Tim doesn't want to risk waking him if he isn't up on his own.

“D,” Tim says, finally petting the kitten for himself. Isaac returns to patting the kitten very gently on the head. “Do you want to P-A-T-R-O-L tonight?”

“Ice cream,” Isaac says, as if he understood a message. “Yes.”

“No,” Tim says with a grin. “But maybe I can find you a cookie.”

“Yes,” Damian says simply. “Do you want me to entertain Isaac?”

“As long as it's not with katanas,” Tim says, yawning. “Yeah. I have no idea how Jason does this all day.”

“That was a joke,” Damian says flatly, his mouth slanted downward in that way Tim now recognizes as mild humor. “We will build with blocks. It is conducive to motor skill development.”

“Uncle Dev built blocks. I ate some,” Isaac says, struggling to get down. Damian lowers him to the tiled floor.

“Sugar cubes,” Tim clarifies. “I didn't know he fed them to you.”

“Kiran employs methods of forming bonds that are not entirely satisfactory,” Damian says. “But they are effective.”

“Yeah,” Tim says, wondering if sugar cubes are the sort of thing that rate a mention to Jason.

“Cookie?” Isaac reminds him.

Cookies and sugar cubes seem, upon consideration, the sort of thing that can be overlooked.

Isaac leads the way to the playroom with a cookie in one hand, Damian trailing behind him slow and tall with the kitten still curled against one shoulder.

And in the sudden absence of responsibility, even briefly, Tim finds himself unable to decide what to do. He checks his phone and, almost as if by magic or summoning, it rings.

It's Jason.

“Please tell me my kid is alive,” Jason says. “We got out early and I am fricking done with this entire day.”

“Alive and pretty happy,” Tim says, relieved that he can say it honestly. “He's playing.”

“I'm bringing food. Don't argue. Is Damian there?”

“Yep,” Tim says. “He was joking about the swords, by the way.”

“Shit,” Jason says, and Tim can hear a palm pound against steering wheel. “He's probably pissed.”

“No, I think it's okay,” Tim says, less sure but enough to attempt to reassure Jason. “Dev’s here, too. And Al, but he might be asleep. I can pitch in.”

“Don't worry about it,” Jason says. “Is Isaac tired?”

“Um,” Tim says, slowly, hedging. “He kind of, uh, took a late nap.”

“That's fine,” Jason says, though the overall tone of his handwritten instructions had seemed to indicate otherwise. “I'm grabbing Chinese. Text me if you want anything besides the usual. Tell Isaac I'm on my way.”

The line goes dead without a goodbye and Tim wanders down the hall. He joins Damian on the floor among a massive supply of blocks. Isaac is alternating between stacking them for a bridge and checking on the kitten still in Damian’s lap.

“Your dad’s on his way,” Tim says.

“I miss him,” Isaac says forlornly. “I don't want to leave. I like this cat.”

“I think you're staying for dinner,” Tim says, by way of solace. He adds two green blocks to the bridge scaffolding.

“Yes!” Isaac cheers, startling the sleepy kitten.

Tim stretches out on the floor by the bridge.

“Wake me up before Jason comes into the room,” he warns Damian. “Or before you leave. None of that technicality sh--crap.”

“Alright,” Damian says, his voice startlingly like Bruce’s when he's humoring someone. “Hold still. I am going to build over your legs to demonstrate support systems. Isaac, watch me.”

“I love today,” Isaac says. “I drove Grandpa Bee’s car.”

“Please let me retreat before you tell Jason this,” Damian says to Tim, who is already half-dozing.

“It was--” Tim begins to say hurriedly, but he opens his eyes to see Isaac bouncing slightly on his knees as he adds a blue triangle block to the tower by Tim’s ankle. His little face is full of serious focus. “Okay. Yeah. Sure thing, Damian. It was the best, wasn't it, Isaac?”

Isaac sets a block down and nods.

“We went so fast.”

Tim is far more asleep than he intended to be when Damian nudges his hip, hard, and his eyes fly open and the towers around his feet scatter when he starts.

The toddler doesn't even react because he's already scrambling toward the door and the announcing yell, “Where the frick is everyone? I'm here!”

“Daddy!” Isaac shrieks, tearing out the door.

Tim and Damian follow, Tim still rubbing sleep from his eyes. Isaac is already in Jason’s arms, clinging tightly.

“Have a good day, kid?” Jason asks.

“Yes,” Isaac says fiercely. “I love you.”

“Love you, too,” Jason says, bumping his forehead against Isaac’s. “Tell your slowpoke uncles to come eat before it gets cold.”

“Come eat!” Isaac orders over his little shoulder.

Tim isn't especially good at following orders, but this one he has no trouble with at all.