bowditch

[bowditch]

one way to combat this is to be confidently proactive and no-shame reactive. they're still little enough that they think the world of you as a parent or an adult. the key is being casual instead of shocked and upset.

"oh, i don't think that's just for girls. it's pink, but anybody can like pink."

"oh yeah, purple is a great color! colors are for everybody."

"you're right-- i am a girl. that means i have a strong body just like a boy, and i can [climb/use a drill/take out the trash] with my arms."

"hm i don't think we're letting private parts make a decision about this toy."

"if other kids give you a hard time, you can just say you like this toy (or this color) and that's why. if anyone is rude to you, it might hurt, but they're the ones being wrong."

"i think it's cool that we both have eyes that can cry if we're feeling overwhelmed or sad. it helps us communicate how we feel."

"some kids might tell you this is for girls, but it's really just for people. we can have fun and play with anything safe that's interesting. it's sad that some kids don't have adults that teach them that."

"it's important to play and learn all kinds of skills. what if you find out you like to cook? what if someday you have a friend who needs help?"

"you know who buys the MOST glitter? people who make paint for boats. guys who go fishing spend more time with glitter than anyone else."

"it's divided into girls and boys because some grownups maybe care more than they should about colors. but that's not a real rule."

like. you gotta prepare them to stand up for themselves and you gotta normalize *recognizing* and dismissing those comments, or they WILL start to win out. walk your toddler sons or nephews down all the toy aisles. let them hold a baby doll. take your girls through the hot wheels and nerf sections.

and don't make the mistake of swinging to the other extreme. trying to talk a four year old boy into the pink version, or trying to talk a four year old girl out of wanting a frilly dress are JUST as gendering. you're sending signals that they should ignore their own preferences to appease an adult's preferred worldview, and they're going to equally cave when it's in support of an ideology you don't like. let them gravitate toward what they like and give them the language to recognize it as personal preference-- to identify and disregard comments, or defend others-- even if their preference is 100% mainstream.

the goal isn't to make sure little boys have pink toys and play house, or that little girls get construction tools and wear blue.

the secondary goal is to strip away the gender-signaling in toys and prepare kids to stand up for OTHER HUMANS.

the primary goal is to equip kids to play and wear what they like without shame or fear.

and it's so fucking sad it starts so early, but it can work both ways-- you can have kids going home from the same daycare suddenly equipped by peers to say, NO I DO WANT THE TOOLBOX FOR MY BIRTHDAY, NOAH SAYS HIS MOM FIXES EVERYTHING IN HER HOUSE and I LIKE THE ONE WITH FLOWERS, SOPHIE SAYS HER DAD LOVES FLOWERS.

maybe this means liam in kindergarten spends most of his playtime with baby dolls and glitter stickers. or maybe it means liam plays with monster trucks and wears red shirts with basketballs, but will tell a peer, "oh it's cool that you like pink. is that your favorite color? i like red but pink icing is my favorite on cake." and it's because a beloved uncle or big brother or parent said, "oh strawberry icing is MY favorite, too! i always want pink icing on my cake. the cake doesn't care if i'm a boy or a girl."

or maybe liam had an experience like my five year old, where he was going across a construction store parking lot in his bright pink crocs and a man tumbled out of his SUV fifty feet away to stick a leg in the air and yell, "HEY, WE BOTH HAVE PINK CROCS!" just to be nice. because pink is for humans.

tl;dr -- i get the grief here. i've felt it, too. but the way we change this isn't with shock or dread. it's with intention and grace and being involved. in modeling conversation and comments without spite or criticism.

[bowditch]

You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. - Persuasion, Jane Austen

[bowditch]

Corner Light - Michael Banning , 2027.

American , b. 1966 -

Oil on linen , 12 x 9 in.

[bowditch]

Hey, don't cry, 236 species of woodpecker, ok?

[bowditch]

Foveabathra venusta by David Fischer

[bowditch]

went into a wine shop the other day to buy pasta and they did not have pasta but they were doing a wine tasting so i thought what the hell. and got to chatting with the other woman there because we had both just come from the library and were comparing our books and sipping wine and turns out we’re both teachers so we got on the topic of phones in classrooms—and the guy pouring our wine was like ‘that’s actually a point of contention in one of my divorces right now.’

and i very delicately said ‘one of your divorces?’ and his eyes got really big and he said I’M A PARALEGAL

[bowditch]

"there is no platonic explanation for this--"

I fell asleep in my friends' arms. It was eleven at night, we were tired, curled up in a small pile on my tiny bed. I had my head buried in my roommate's side, and one of my closest friend's hand on my shoulder, steadying me. It was quiet and nothingness and peace and their heartbeats in my ears, my hands in their hair.

"there is no platonic explanation for this--"

We pack four people to that little bed, you know. Laps used as footrests, collarbones as pillows, little lights like moonlight in rustic yellow bathed on their faces. The TV plays an anime. The words are repeated by my dear friend on my shoulder, curled close. My legs are asleep; my roommate may be, too.

"there is no platonic explanation for this--"

The cat curls on top of our criss cross mess of legs and arms and heads on chests to absorb the warmth of us all. She purrs in contented peace. When my roommate and I are left alone in the quiet, she cries, and watches the door for our friends' return.

"there is no platonic explanation for this--"

I will never kiss them but the top of their heads. I will never touch but the warmth of their arms. I will never take more than what's freely given, and in return I put my glasses on the bedside table fashioned from a guitar amp, and when I lean into their sides, I pick up my vulnerability and place it in their capable, tender hands.

"there is no platonic explanation for this--"

I sing for them. I cry for them. I work and I run and I withstand the worst of the world for them, because some days I get to cradle their forehead on my shoulder and some days I get to see their shining eyes.

"there is no platonic explanation for this--"

Maybe to you. But look beyond explanation. I love them. With my heart in my unsteady hands, with my nose pressed to the side of their head, with the buzzing in my feet and the warmth all around Iike the sunset pushing into the window.

"there is no platonic explanation for this--"

Is it enough to say I love them? With no strings attached? With reckless abandon and utter devotion and freedom and kindness and fear?

"there is no platonic explanation for this--"

I cannot explain it any clearer. I love my friends. There is no more to say.

[bowditch]

Why is he so 0○0

I don't trust it.

[bowditch]

someone on ao3 giving me a wonderful long comment: do you like the bread little birdie?

me, quietly: I fucking LOVE this bread

[bowditch]

sending you hugs 🥰 and bugs -> 🐝🐞🐜🪰🪲🪳🦟🦗

[bowditch]

[bowditch]

Your next favourite might involve some foul play.

Start your 7 day free trial of Poob today, and watch cult classic Mališa: A Bird's Eye View of The Assassination That Triggered The Great War

[bowditch]

I baked some beetle bread!! <3

[bowditch]

[bowditch]

What if you met a guy and all your friends liked the guy but you didn't trust the guy and you proved that it had been lying to everyone, and the second the jig was up it spoke its mind, for the very first time in its existence, it expressed its feelings publicly, and it expressed them to and about you specifically. And it said,

"I don't like you"

[bowditch]

Giant hermit crab (Petrochirus diogenes)

This specimen is relatively small. P. diogenes is the world’s second-largest hermit crab species, growing large enough to inhabit a full sized queen conch shell and beaten only by the terrestrial coconut crab, which is a hermit crab that stops using shells when it matures.

I can only assume that the the “diogenes” in its name comes from some parallel drawn between the hermit crab’s shell and the philosopher’s habit of sleeping in a large jar.

(Florida, 2/27/21)

[bowditch]

So you’re telling me this in the guy who strikes fear into the hearts of Gotham’s most dangerous criminals? right…….