#now i like genuinely hate it and wish i were cishet

[lifeisntafantasy]

the amount of internalized homophobia and transphobia i have is CRAZY

[tepkunset]

Top Surgery Journey Part 1

16 was the worst age of my life. My mother was diagnosed with stage-three breast cancer. We were evicted from our house and had to move again, this time to a shitty thin-walled apartment with drug-dealers for neighbours. I was half-way through my first year of high school, where I was bulled for what might as well have been a glowing neon “I have autism” sign strapped to my back. And I realized I liked girls—that terrified me almost as much as the threat of losing my mom.

My father used to tell me and my brother that the two things we were not allowed to be were gay or clergy. He said things like “all gay people should be put on an island” – your typical homophobic rhetoric. As an autistic child, I took him literally, and thought that if I was gay, he would discard me on an island to die. Living in Nova Scotia, it’s not like there’s a lack of islands around where he could have done so, in my mind. That probably sounds ridiculous to read if you’re neurotypical, but it’s what I genuinely thought at the time.

It wasn’t until my early 20’s that I started coming out to people as liking women. By that time my parents had divorced and I started looking after my mother and brother. I became more accepting of my sexuality, especially thanks to the encouragement from online queer spaces. And when I became more accepting of my sexuality, I started to question my gender as well. There were so many things that trans/non-binary people spoke of that I could identify within myself; things I never questioned before, or just assumed everyone felt that way. It prompted me to think about all the things that made me feel outside of my gender growing up, such as the intense jealousy I felt over my mother’s double mastectomy.

I know, right? It’s true though. She survived cancer, and all I could think of was how much I wished I could be rid of my breasts, too.

I was late in puberty. It didn’t start to hit until about age 15, so I was very new to the developing breasts I hated so very much, at the same time my mother was getting rid of hers. But when they came, they came in heavy. I was genetically cursed with a large chest, and it made shopping suddenly a nightmare for me, because I preferred the men’s section. I started the habit of buying clothing twice my size to hide my body. I hated looking at myself in the mirror, because I felt disgusted with what I saw at best, or like I didn’t want a body at all at worst. I stopped going swimming; something I used to enjoy. Despite my family history, I never did breast exams because I couldn’t stand to think about them in such detail. One of the reasons I hate exercise in general is because I hate the sensation of my breasts moving so much, even when packed in sports bras. All because I know now, having been professionally diagnosed over a decade later, I have gender dysphoria.

(Insert here a reminder that not all transgender people have gender dysphoria, and that doesn’t make them any less trans. I am purely speaking about my own experiences!)

It’s only been a few years that I’ve opened up about my nonconformity to the western gender binary to the people I know in real life. Most of my close co-workers are 50+ years old cishet white women, who while mean well, are quite ignorant of gender diversity. I’ve been fortunate to only have to deal with one co-worker who did not respond well to my request to stop calling me “yes missy”, “yes girl”, “yes ma’am”, insisting it was just what they were taught from their generation and that I needed to respect that. But my manager has been very supportive, and made it very clear that it’s expected I be treated with respect, too. (She also added a rainbow flag to her email signature with the line “I respect inclusion”, which I thought was cute.)

My top surgery is two weeks away now, and I’m so excited to get it done that I think about it before bed every night. Knowing that soon I will be going to sleep on a table and then waking up with a flat chest is thrilling. Thinking about how much this is going to change my life is thrilling. I have worries about the surgery itself of course—I’ve only been under anaesthesia once when I was very little; too little to remember. I’ve never been on high pain-killers before. I worry about the drainage tubes and looking after them. But I figure these concerns are probably very normal, and I have to remind myself that people every day are going through the same surgery I’m about to go through. The surgeon who will be operating on me has almost two decades of experience. The clinic I’m going to in Montréal has a good reputation, from what I’ve been able to hear from others. There’s reason to believe things will go well.

[justsomeguycore]

genuinely though i started doing this as part of my gender/transition exploration but i highly recommend everybody just consider this, trans or queer or not: interrogate the things you do/roles you assume just because it’s what’s expected of someone of your gender. and stop doing the things that don’t serve you or represent your actual values.

i started by asking myself “would i still do this/be expected to do this if i were a man?” and it’s wild what you’ll find. i stopped hugging people i didn’t want to hug, and go in for handshakes instead. people look at me weirdly, but i don’t care. i was only doing it before because it seemed like What Women Do, but i never liked it and always dreaded it and now i have freed myself from it.

but it’s also frustrating once you start paying attention to all the tiny gender roles that exist in cishet world. like, more often women offer to clean up, clear your plate for you after dinner, wash dishes. i personally hate washing dishes, so i was very tempted to “free” myself from this gendered obligation as well, but obviously had to consider how unfair it is that i always see men continuing to sit around the table talking while women clear up. these are not housewives either, they’re women with full time jobs and college degrees - not that it’s inherently acceptable to think a housewife should clear up without help or complaint, but this fact makes it obvious that the reason they’re expected to fill this role is because they’re women rather than being because they’re already in a domestic role.

anyway, there are lots of things that i’ve stopped doing because i was only doing them to fulfill a gender role, but a lot of other things i now do with determination and purpose regardless of them being a feminine-gendered role. it turns out a lot of the things we societally expect women to do but don’t expect men to do are just common courtesy, compassion, being thoughtful and considerate. and i don’t wish women would stop doing those things, i wish men would do them more, would make it a point to do them.

and i think everyone, not just nonbinary and trans and gnc people, should take notice of the ways we subconsciously fill gender roles or expect others to fill gender roles. and stop doing the things we don’t believe in, and double down on doing the things we do. even dishes. ugh.

[escapaldi]

Re, the latest US Supreme Court idiocy: I wish that every time a Bible-twisting cosplayer was handed the right to deny others theirs that the word Christian was not used to describe them. They are frankly incapable of even attempting to follow one of the most basic rules of Christianity (love thy neighbor) and are honestly just using the intangibility of faith to lie their way into the ability to be an asshole without repercussions. Not only that, but they are extremely un-American for wanting to enshrine these false beliefs into law and the Constitution, which increasingly blurs the line between Church and State that they only seem to bring up when they’re upset that they need to meet on Zoom or else they’re at significantly higher risk of catching a plague they refuse to be vaccinated against as though someone did not make that vaccine with their God-given talents. The Lord gave us people of all walks of life so that we may truly understand Him and instead people spit on it. Why would He give us LGBT+ folks if we weren’t meant to strive to figure out how to care for them and let them thrive in a society of love? They can love God just as much as any cishet person--possibly even more than, if you’ll allow--and to theoretically deny someone something as inconsequential as a wedding website? For being gay? It makes me want to SCREAM.

The fact this is coming on the tail end of Pride is not lost on anyone. I’m sure there’s plenty in my archdiocese who would call me a bad or cafeteria Catholic for thinking that LGBT+ folks shouldn’t be denied service based on “freedom of religion” or “freedom of speech”. Well, guess what? Not only is the Lord disappointed in how you treat other humans He made in His image, but the Founding Fathers are spinning in their graves because of how severely you misinterpreted those freedoms. It means the State can’t throw you in jail for being a Christian or a communist dissenter, ya fuckwit, not that you have free reign to be an asshole and not get called on it. And you refer to yourself as an Originalist? Ha! If you were an Originalist, then you’d know that the “Men” in “all Men are created equal” means “people” and that you’d have to acknowledge that women are part of “Men”. Because it’s capitalized. Like the difference between God and god. LGBT+ people are part of the race of Men. So are our Jewish and Islamic cousins in Abrahamic faith. So are our neighbors of varying other faiths and traditions. People who look different, talk different, experience things different, they are still Men. As in the synonym for human. And they’re all equal in their pursuit for Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness, which is something some people like to deny. A lot. Because they’re libertarian and hands-off-government unless it’s about people who don’t look and act and sound like them being given the same rights and treatment. They claim to be about defending families and traditional values and it’s, like, you’re pissing on real families. A family can be anything. By claiming to defend families and traditional values, what is being offered? Safe places and nurturing environments? No--it’s hate, pure and simple, against anything that doesn’t look like Leave It to Beaver and Father Knows Best.

So please, when reading the headlines today and in the future about the latest travesty that was allowed to happen because a sycophant stacked the court, remember that the greatest lie that mainstream media is knowingly spreading right now--and I’m a huge believer in mainstream press integrity--is that these people are Christians. Because they’re not. Jesus was a cool cat and this was not what He would have wanted. People doing bad shit in His name did not stop at the Crusades, but is a real and genuine problem within the Church and outside of it. If we can see it in sex abuse scandals and money laundering, then we should be able to see it when it comes to people denying the humanity and existence of their fellow Man. It’s there whenever people laud the denial of health care, the denial of legal rights, the denial of history... those are not Christians. Those are little more than weird LARPers attracted to power and the ability to say their word is God’s. Well, guess now’s the time to say that even the famous “papal infallibility” clause of Catholicism has loopholes, because as much as I like the Pope in general, he’s still a weird little old dude. He might have the clearest picture from the Lord, but he’s still human, and therefore is still capable of fcking shit up with a bad turn of phrase or reluctance to go all the way (and honestly, I’m not entirely unconvinced that he’s been avoiding an anti-pope all this time, because I feel like he’s been toeing that line from Day One and am surprised nothing’s been triggered yet). That’s why the conservative rightwing Catholics at least think they’re in the clear despite the fact that even with all his shortcomings, the current Pope sort of has one of the clearest heads in a long while, so oops too bad now stop shitting on the Pope.

In related news, Frankie’s supposed to be due to replace my archbishop sooner rather than later due to an age cap and I hope he can get one not as... tolerant of Christian nationalism and hate towards Men in there. That’d be nice to have, you know, LGBT+ outreach that isn’t underground.

[greatwyrmgold]

I've been thinking about this classic tweet.

Now, this tweet is wrong on the face of it: People will say "So you hate waffles?" on plenty of other websites. Some people will even say that kind of thing in person!

And to give "You Hate Waffles" crowd what credit they're due, sometimes people talk about pancakes as a way to comment on waffles. It's only a small step from "I like pancakes" to "Pancakes are the best breakfast food," which in turn implies "People who like waffles are wrong".

Taking further steps to something like "Waffle-lovers are moral degenerates who need to be re-educated for their good and the good of society" sounds absurd when we're talking about breakfast food, but a bit less so if we're talking about—for instance—LGBTQIA+ people. Straight Pride is theoretically saying "I like pancakes," but context clues indicate that it's a movement that hate waffles.

Now, to make it clear how little credit the YHW crowd deserves...sometimes people just like pancakes. There's nothing inherently wrong with being cishet, or even with being glad you are. Some of my best friends are cishets! Saying "I like pancakes," or even "Pancakes are the best," is not an effective diagnosis for wafflephobia. You need something more specific to separate waffle haters from milquetoast pancake fans.

(Also: Not all waffle-haters are worth flipping out at. If someone is praising SAO to mock Chainsaw Man, why should anyone care?)

Now, why should anyone care about the YHW crowd? YHW is dumb, but it's easy to identify and ignore. And it's not even particularly mainstream; it's only as prominent as it is because social media websites encourage and promote anything that makes people want to engage with it (often by being so absurd that you want to get mad at or make fun of it). This both makes people more likely to do whatever gets more engagement and makes sure people see it (regardless of how typical that stuff is).

Why is YHW worth spending any mental energy on? Because lots of people think it's mainstream, which pollutes internet discourse in general.

Let's again take the "waffles" in "You Hate Waffles" as a metaphor for some marginalized group. How often have you seen someone say some pancake supremacist dog-whistle, get called out about it, and then claim they were just saying they like pancakes? There's nothing wafflephobic about just liking pancakes!

Sure, people who know all the relevant context will be able to recognize this as bullshit, but most people won't. Some will see some guy talking about how pancakes are the best without knowing the relevant dog-whistles, and many more won't even see the dog-whistle before they see the "I just like pancakes!" defense (or hear about the guy who "got cancelled" for liking pancakes).

In a better world, people would look at that kind of exchange and go "That's ridiculous. Hardly anyone would assume that someone hates waffles just because they say they like pancakes." They might look into the context, or they might dismiss the defense as ridiculous. But we don't live in that world. We live in a world where the line "So you hate waffles?" is recognizable shorthand for a rhetorical style which is assumed to be common—omnipresent, even.

Therefore, when people see someone insist they just like pancakes, there's this pre-existing YHW narrative that they can slap onto the situation. One which bypasses the fact that people who genuinely think waffle-lovers should be forcibly re-educated are usually smart enough to not directly say so.

...I wish I had some positive conclusion. Like, something we can do to make that problem not a problem. But I don't; I've been thinking about that tweet, but that just lets me see the problem's scope. Even if we restructured all social media sites to stop promoting inflammatory posts, we'd still have personal habits and online culture built around an attention economy which rewards that absurdity; even if we didn't have that, the YHW narrative is already established enough in the cultural consciousness that people can use it to cover up all but the most explicit bigotry.

I guess...don't buy an "I just said I like pancakes" defense without a second thought?

[ame-sea]

blorbo bingo! sweden and finland!

SWEDEN

let me tell u for a very long time i was like "yeah he's okay i like him" but this year i have been especially in love with him. thinking about him makes me feel so comfortable about my own socially awkward behaviors and also helps process masculinity as something more soft and gentle than most men in media. super awesome guy to look to as i grow up and get older and need to conceptualize what i want to be as an adult.

i appreciate more recent fanon iterations of him so much. i think now that we're all growing out of our 13 year old twink yaoi fujoshi phases, we're all exploring what it really means to look and act like a grown ass man LOL. i think he really truly fell victim to the "here's our gaybies" back in the day and, also because the nordics are so minor, he's been so void of personality in fanon works. like he's always just kinda There. always around do be The Guy Seen With Finland.

but he's got so much personality behind that stern-seeming face. like, man, he's just got autism guys he cant mask to save his life. im excited to share the version of him in my head with everyone because he's so interesting, and has so much going on in that little head of his, so much in that lil heart too. im so glad everyone else is coming around to it as well. i hope those of us around continue to do him justice and rectify the sins of our past.

FINLAND

it is not that i dont give a shit abt aph finland but i think nobody does him right, not now and not ever before, and ive not done much thinking about who i wish he was. i think he is Fine in canon, but just a little bit boring. i wish he was a bit more standoffish, had a bit more of an edge to him. he's been so yaoified so feminized and while neither being gay or feminine are bad, i think it has really come at the expense of who he Is as a character and as a Person, and also as a representative of a culture!

he also tends to be relegated to housewife and it drives me crazy genuinely. stay at home dads are awesome but not when it's bc kids feel the desperate need to make a gay relationship look like traditional straight relationships in media.

for both of these guys, i just wish they were more complex on their own, and not viewed solely as extensions of each other.

their relationship is super awesome though they are endgame fr. their banter, the quiet domestic love, soft glances and knowing so well how each other communicates.

i think i also hate the sufin + sealand household dynamic everyone has created. and i have to preface this by saying the basis of every fic i have ever built or planned or written or fantasized about has been about them. like okay. i just think. they would not be traditional parents. they are so uncle core. casual friendly hands off uncles. sea is like the neighbor's kid that comes over every night for dinner bc his parents work graveyard shifts and he always forgets his front door key at home, and while you're not ready to be a parent, you help him with his homework and make sure he eats his dinner and teach him how to swear in languages his parents dont understand. (also sufin + sealand has a chronic lack of ladonia which is so very upsetting! they would be so funny forced to be in the same house so often.) sufin (and the nordics as a whole) is so build a relationship from the ground up vibes, and their sense of family is absolutely about building a space with those around them. found families not by chance but by forging deep relationships and care for each other over time.

i think the need for sufin to be so 'traditional white cishet american parents' core stems a lot from general ignorance and homophobia that stained fandom culture for so very long (and honestly still does) and it pisses me off to no end. i demand so much justice for them.

[dynamicspacebud]

was just doing my moms dishes bc i felt bad for her when i just really started to dwell on how she is as a mother like WOW is she a SHIT mom and i mean that like my god she is awful. I don’t like to remember stuff like this or hold it in my head like how i really have to dig deep to re-remember all the ways my father is horrible but right now with her i don’t know i want to write down what i was thinking about. How less than a year earlier we had to change the locks on the door because he threatened to come even though she said no and i got really scared and started having terrible nightmares about him coming in and killing us and then she just surprise told me he is was coming over one day and completely disregarded my concerns and feelings about how i told her i felt uncomfortable and unsafe with him around she just did not care and was so selfish even though this was supposed to be my home too. Or how that night she was like I’m an adult i can have casual sex when i simply asked if he was staying the night and she was like i’m just being honest when i went wtf as though a year prior she didn’t blame me for him financially/ sexually abusing her for getting money for sex and she blamed me because i was using her credit card and not paying bills as though i wasn’t a teenager who didn’t even know any of this was happening i just got blamed. How could she even put that on me i knew then and now it wasn’t and had never been my fault but that’s such a sick thing to say honestly it makes my stomach curl. Her asking how and why my relationship with my father has to reflect and effect my relationship with her as though i didn’t write a whole fucking peer reviewed essay about how it does like how is she so fucking awful as a mother like i’m very glad i was born but god she should have never been someone to take care of someone else or anything else like how she also abandoned her cat when her boyfriend wanted her too. It’s so sick i don’t and never did deserve the terrible parents i have. I don’t want them. I cant wait to get to a place when i can genuinely never have contact with them again. Seeing and being reminded of it all holds me back i know that. I don’t want that. I cant have that. And every year in close and closer to breaking away. I’ll get there i know i will and i’ll never have parents i’ll only have s** and a***** but i’ll still watch bluey and cry cry cry because someone has those parents and that makes my heart warm enough. And maybe i’ll even be that parent one day. Mine are so beyond awful i will and can never be them it’s not even possible. I’m very lucky i got out i mean look at my shit brother that hateful bigot. Good for him tho he barley talks to them i wish i were him in only that way. They hurt him more than me and because he’s cishet and grew up in a rich highschool i think that’s why he turned out that way. I don’t know i want to say maybe he has changed but as a cop i know it’s impossible he has. I won’t have any contact to my immediate bio family. My uncle today asking me how long it’s been since i talked to my brother and me saying years. I mean often i genuinely forget i have a brother which is funny in a way because we lived together until i was like 19 it’s not even like we didn’t grow up together or he left when i was young. My mind just has such a strong way of blocking everything out. It’s for my own protection but i don’t know how good that is honestly. Like with hannah it did the same thing. Nes being like I REMEMBER how do you not ??? you were so close and i have to really think about it or see pictures or texts to remember and when i do it’s strong and im sad. I guess my mind doesn’t want me to be sad. But i don’t know i don’t think that’s a good thing. Not entirely. Ok funny enough im rewatching the 100 and they have kind of touched on this subject with raven not remembering finn and jaha not remembering his son but them being “happy” because they can’t feel the pain of losing them even though they don’t remember the happy and good stuff either. I think that’s kind of what my mind is

[bowl-of-shortness]

So a bit of a vent, it’ll be under the cut for those who don’t want to read it for the sake of their own mental health.

[ TW for: enbyphobia/exorsexism and the news I suppose. ]

I’ve been trying to avoid the news rn because the more stuff that comes out about anti trans stuff, the more I fear for my safety.

Like, I’ve been out as trans and proud since literally the 6th grade. I’m going into my senior year next year, but now I’m scared I’m going to have to go back into the closet and start asking my parents to not refer to me by they/them pronouns or even my chosen name.

I feel I’ll have to tough out the dysphoria and self hatred that comes with not being allowed my identity just to have a chance at getting a job or not being fearful of being hate crimed.

I’m already going to struggle with those two things in particular, because I’m always going to be discriminated against (I.e being disabled, being afab, etc. )

The worst part is that I’m not even safe within my own communities. Not the LGBT+ Community nor the Trans community. Nowhere in those communities do I feel safe.

And I hate to say this but I am just as scared to tell a binary trans person or gay person that I’m non binary for fear I’m going to be mocked or hurt for it as I am if I were to tell a cishet person.

I have been told that I’m quote “mental” for thinking I’m non binary, I’ve been told that I’m just a girl with internalized misogyny or a boy who hasn’t quite figured out the trans thing yet, I’ve been called every name in the book you can imagine for being non binary.

All because my identity is debated on how legitimate it is.

I can’t even exist without someone making some kind of attack helicopter joke or “cloud/cloudself or kit/kittenself” joke

At this point I feel genuine shame for even using xenogenders despite the comfort I find in them. Because I’m scared that the second I say “hey I use necromancer xenogenders and pronouns” I’m just going to be laughed at or mocked.

I’m even scared to say this stuff with with friends who know me, that’s why I don’t correct people anymore or ask them to use necro pronouns.

Hell they could start calling me by She/Her pronouns and I’d probably let them because I’m too scared to say otherwise.

I wish I was either cis or binary trans bc I feel like at least then if I’m having my rights taken away I would actually be allowed in a community without my identity being openly disregarded and made fun of.

Idk, maybe I’m asking for too much.

[olderthannetfic]

I found your blog a couple of weeks ago and have been reading all the asks with great interest. It's probably the highlight of my Tumblr life. But I'm deleting Tumblr and I'm leaving. Gone.

I was already starting to feel a bit weary and wary on this platform but today I realised that it is, without a doubt, a toxic place for me personally.

I vented on another social media platform a couple of months ago about being harassed and receiving hate for having a m/f ship in my fandom. I make a lot of content for the ship and get hate from all sorts, mostly guys with fragile masculinity issues and the very occasional slash shipper. The harassment doesn't come too often, but often enough to want to vent once in a blue moon. I am a cishet woman if that matters and my vent was basically "Damn, feels like I can't even say I ship X and Y without someone or other getting upset around here and letting me know how much they hate it. Why can't people just keep scrolling when they see something they don't like?"

Today, on Tumblr, I saw someone say that me 'complaining about being harassed' for my m/f ship is entitled because I'm a straight woman. 'How entitled can you be?' were their words. See, I'm not allowed to complain about bad behaviour apparently. The person who replied, and who does not know me or seems to have seen any of my content, agreed saying it was nasty and entitled and that people like me who feel good about hating LGBTQ ships (!!) are just salty for being called out.

I just can't anymore. I really can't. The extrapolation from "I am sick of being hated on for shipping what I ship" to "this nasty person who loves to hate lgbtq people and must be called out" is so astounding to me I'm actually having trouble processing it.

When I dug a little deeper and visited the blogs of the people involved I saw chains and full on campaigns against people in the fandom with many piling on and just...the mob mentality scared me. It really scared me. Ever since I got on Tumblr I feel like I have to tread on eggshells, watch my back, choose my words carefully. And I don't even participate or interact with many others here at all. I just post and dip. I used to be so happy creating all sorts of content but since being on Tumblr (less than a year!) my fandom experience has become stressful and filled with anxiety.

After seeing the hate campaign against the other user on these blogs just now, something clicked, or broke, inside me and I just clicked uninstall on this app on my phone. I just jumped back on my PC to write this last thing. If anyone feels like me...if you feel strung out in your fandom and you're on Tumblr, I strongly suggest taking a break if not outright leaving.

And before other users suggest to just block people and curate your experience, this is beyond blocking and curating. This is a fandom culture issue that isn't going to be solved by blocking a few people. A large number of people here get off on these witch hunts. It's a culture I don't want to be a part of and I don't want to constantly worry if I'm next.

The fandom on Tumblr, despite the mountains of content (most of which is awesome), is not really about fandoming. It seems to be about drama, about the mob, about the high of call outs and brining others down and 'putting them in their place'. It's disgusting. And it does nothing to actually stop the issues they rail against.

Thank you for running such an interesting and thoughtful blog. This will be the thing I miss most but I have to go. For my own mental and emotional well-being. Wishing you the best!

-Ex Tumblr user.

--

Good for you, nonnie, genuinely.

May more people take a long, hard look at their internet habits and prune whatever is not bringing them joy and health.

[17sasuke]

thoughts on badhaai do

it definitely wasn't a perfect movie and the story was too obviously led by cishets but i loved how it didn't end w everyone's acceptance. sumi's mom wasn't even present during the pooja at the end but it didn't matter bc they had what was important to them. freedom, a child and their own acceptance. and that of sumi and rimjhim under the pride flag? i owe them my life for it. if i'm reviewing this objectively its 7/10 but i'm attached to the characters this is now one of my comfort films so for introducing sumi, rimjhim, guru and shardul's mom to me i'm giving this one a ten. (also for the pride scene. cinematography.)

spoilers under the cut

what i didn't like: it does drag in between while some other plotlines are never properly explored (i honestly didn't feel like they focused enough on sumi and shardul's relationship although it was supposed to be the backbone of the film). the kabir plotline should have been completely deleted actually and instead focused more on shardul's misogyny and his relationship w sumi.

the entire kabir plotline was so bad tbh. one, the age gap was a questionable (they'd been together 3 years already so). two, wow were they gonna write that domestic violence off bc they were both men?? bc shardul should have gone to jail for that wtf?? three, it wasn't even ever resolved. if they were carry it in this direction anyway there should have been a scene where they sat down and talked but?? four, the domestic violence thing. you can't raise ur hand on ur lover and it looks so much worse bc shardul's around 8-10 years older than him he's dating a college student and when he realizes the dude's bored of him and lying to him he hits him and then says sorry stfu and go to jail.

also there's many times thru out where i really felt like this story was made largely by cishets. the romances really suffered from the heterofication of gay love bc a) the violence thing w shardul and b) when sumi and rimjhim fought and said callous things to each other but never talked about it, apologized or even addressed the root of the issue (rimjhim's jealousy. u can argue that it'd be futile to bring it up since everyone knows suman's gay but it doesn't hurt to write a scene where a girl placates her gf's insecurities.)

basically. heterofication. like they had to show gay romances were like toxic cishet ones to make the audience more accepting or smth i literally dk but i hated it.

oh and the biphobia. did they have to shove that on rimjhim's character. like ik gay ppl can be v biphobic but if ur not going to address that as an issue that needs to be changed then don't bring it up at all.

lastly, shardul's misogyny. tbh i loved that they brought it up bc really cis gay men can be so fucking nasty and misogynist and its almost never talked about bc apparently gay men are more understanding of women (suman even exclaims this once!). it was done well and used as a comedic device which did give way to some good jokes but in the end we never see him grow out of it, realize he was wrong or apologize to suman. from the one year skip its obv it was resolved he isn't a dick anymore (bc shardul's misogyny came from his need to hide his sexuality behind the alpha male façade) but instead of wasting time on the kabir plot i wish they'd instead explored this deeper and concluded this plotline onscreen.

what i liked:

everything else. i loved every lgbt character (except kabir bc idk what to think about him and shardul bc he's on thin fucking ice), shardul's mother and suman's dad. also loved naaznin. if only we got to see more of her.

i teared up so much by the end esp during suman's conversation w her father and when shardul's mom hugged him. but its when her father tells rimjhim to sit beside sumi that i genuinely broke down. everything else was like sumi herself said: u expected this much from them. u imagine that soming out scene so much when they say those exact words that lock u up w terror, u feel like u've already heard it before. her father was the only one she had hope in, her father was the only person she had any expectations for. he too let her down thou, he too broke her heart. but he got over it, he made up for it. he didn't only accept her, he accepted her gf too, as sumi's partner, as the mother to sumi's child. he told her to sit next to his daughter and sobbed so hard like i'm never going to have that so its soothing to see a fictional character get that.

and shardul's mom oh god i adore her. she shouldn't have outed suman ever but i can't bring myself to think of her as a bad person for that. bc when it came to her own son? she accepted him the minute he said he was gay. she gave him what sumi wanted from her father, what she begged her father for. not understanding not even kindness just acceptance. and that's true love yk that's what parental love should be like. u don't need to understand ur kids u should be accepting them no matter what. i do think the reason she outed suman had less to do w her being gay and more w her thinking suman cheated on her son thou. this is like the only time i've forgiven an outing wow this movie really did that.

anyway the whole kabir sequence was unnecessary and only made me hate shardul more. cis gay men Are misogynist and i like that they addressed that but it wasn't properly resolved onscreen and that combined w kabir made shardul such a despicable character. if i delete that thou then i adore him misogyny and all. i was so proud of him in the end. when he came out in anger hearing his family insulting sumi (inadvertently insulting him), when he wore the mask during pride and when he called his bf over during the pooja. loved his growth thou really instead of the kabir plot i wish they worked more on sumi and shardul i wanted to see them bond more to see them become best friends, each other's ride-or-dies. only good thing that came out of that plotline was that we got sumi-shardul bonding moments. yeah my only gripe w this movie is the kabir plot. all that screentime wasted when they could have focused on other plots like sumi-shardul, shardul/guru or more of sumi/rimjhim. or the resolution of his misogyny.

omg guru. i loved that guy so much loved every scene w him in it he really saved the movie by fixing the male lead thank god. (those scenes of him flirting w shardul. the business card and the secret hand holding omg.)

my favorite thing obv was sumi and rimjhim. there was smth so accurate about lesbians moving in immediately and then discussing children within weeks of dating. their romance arc their relationship the way they're moms!! (they're MOMS!!) all of it was such a delight to watch. it felt so good to watch a wlw romance in a bollywood movie i could watch them for hours i wish they got a full length feature film like all that chemistry, their acting, their story, it feels inadequate watching it all squeezed into the movie as a parallel plot. (wish we saw them getting married. just a marriage scene is that too much to ask for.)

[sotorubio]

about your last post re: june, mayla and wlw representation

i didnt know people hated june so much until i went on twitter and I'm genuinely baffled. didn't we say we wanted more wlw characters, and that we were starved for rep?

i genuinely thought that getting mad at a character who "gets in the way" of a ship was a cishet thing but clearly twitter users proved me wrong.

i totally get people being upset that mayla isn't endgame because of the realism thing and i think that's justified because there are a lot of (het) couples that would realistically broke up in skam france and yet they pull this shit with the only sapphic couple. (they literally made charles and manon endgame...)

i also get that people would be a little upset if maya ended up with june because

a) mayla is a beloved, popular couple

b) maya and june would have less screentime than mayla considering mayla happened in s6 and then they had little moments in s 7/8 too

however this extreme hate for june (and even eleonore sadly, but for her it's less because she was never a real threat to mayla) is literally too much. now i don't wanna say anything but even as a white person, it feels like they are so quick to disregard a gnc, sapphic character of color in favor of a white gc girl like lola.

once again, i get the love for lola and wanting mayla to be endgame, but

a) the introduction of another sapphic character, especially a gnc character of color, is revolutionary. i mean, think about how many gnc female characters we have in the skamverse and how many of them are woc. think.

b) maya should have friends outside of la mif who aren't biased, especially if these friends are queer woc like her, she deserves it, and her life doesn't revolve around lola, she's her own person

june also didn't do anything wrong, as far as i know she's been pretty good to maya.

i would be upset too if mayla didn't end up together but on the bright side we would have a sapphic couple with two woc, which we only had once in the skamverse with kietou and it's in general a pretty rare thing.

people are also making comments towards june's looks and i do not like it in the slighest. did they forget that june is played by an actress who could see their comments? this is not simply about a fictional character, angéle is a real person and they could be hurt by the comments.

and the way people are also praying for anais to be sapphic and be s10 main while disregarding a canon sapphic character like june..

all of this doesn't feel right with me, and i don't wanna see these people complaining about sapphic rep ever again.

right?? all of this!!! like it's so terrible to see the way ppl treat her just bc they wanted to see more mayla n i know some ppl would claim that the solution to this is "don't check twitter" which is often great life advice in general but this isn't rly an issue of curating ur ~fandom experience~ or whatever it truly is just a huge problem w "fandom/shipping culture" that's worth talking abt especially since this shit happens to characters of color all the time.

i also agree that the actual criticism is completely justified too, we shouldn't have to worship every writer n director for simply including wlw stories if those stories r mistreated n the points abt how this happened to the only wlw couple vs how the other couples were treated is extremely valid. the season isn't flawless representation by any means but those reasons are completely different from what these ppl are complaining abt like maya moving on after a break up n hooking up w other girls rly shouldn't be considered the death of wlw rep like these ppl would have u believe 😭

also ur right it Definitely feels sketchy that june out of all ppl is receiving this treatment for sure.. like ppl love to say it doesn't have anything to do w looks or race or anything other than "they just don't like her 🤷‍♀️" but that just isn't believable at all. there were even tweets saying that if they had to "ruin mayla" they wish it had at least been w eleonore instead like right. and why is that?

it's so apparent that ppl who hate on her do so out of bullshit reasons bc as u said her presence n role in the plot is actually a good thing. it makes sense in the overall story they chose to write n is actually one of the better written parts of the season. maya having someone there for her is a good thing n she shares a lot of experiences w her like their care for the environment, activism, being wlwoc, they clearly have fun together, they have things to talk abt n maya has been able to open up to her in a way she hasn't been in a long time. it's also so good that she has contacts outside of la mif like u said like!! them spending time together is a logical part of the season it's not "bad writing" just bc ppl would prefer to see lola....

i personally still think that mayla will actually still end up back together but even if they didn't, no matter how much ppl love them, the hatred n borderline disgust for june x maya isn't justified. there are valid reasons to be upset abt that but those reasons aren't abt june or maya x june like it's so insane to me that wlw couples & characters will be disregarded in favor of shipping like that's sooo embarrassing imo no amount of love for a ship will justify calling maya x june scenes gross or making rude remarks abt june's looks or disrespecting her by calling her by other month names like if u don't like it bc u miss mayla just say that... like i know i just called it embarrassing but if u are normal abt it that's totally fine but throwing a fit on twitter bc a canon lesbian had sex w someone who wasn't her ex gf who dumped her 2,5 times is childish as shit L plus ratio plus u only care abt shipping plus u don't know any other way to consume media etc

[kal-the-non-binary]

Is Homophobia “Hate” or “Cowardice”

I’m staying in my conservative hometown since pandemic. Being queer it is hard to find people with whom I would connect and could talk freely about it. Thankfully I had come out to my friends here during my birthday visit in 2019, and their reaction and acceptance has meant the world to me. Even though I have a community in the city I lived in, getting such acceptance from my childhood friends was something else. And since I didn’t come here often at the time, at least I knew for sure their reaction was genuine and not something they had to do because they were obligated to.

While I’m grateful for their support, the pandemic had shown me a ‘limit’ to their support. At first it was during the Pride month when literally none of them and anyone from my hometown I know had posted about it on social media. There were very few wishes just for me in the inbox, which was sweet but something about it felt off.

Now and then when we meet, they tend to ask me questions about the lesbians, gays, and my best friend apparently cracked a “threesome” joke about bisexuals. I could explain them all I want but I started to feel like a tutor than a friend. Obviously none of them cared to make an easy google search with the fear of search engine thinking that they were gay!

I happen to indirectly call that out on my social media handles but sure they think they are an exception since they did the “favor” of accepting me as gay.

“Oh you are gay! My best friend is gay.” — I became that friend for them

Recently, for the first time a mainstream Bollywood film featured a trans character and the film revolved around a cishet(Cisgender, Heterosexual) man with toxic masculinity falling in love with the Trans-woman. Sure, I hated the Transphobic bits in the trailer but I decided to reserve my judgement until I saw the movie.

I texted in a group if anyone was interested in coming to watch the movie with me. I have seen these people watch an absurd misogynistic movie and brag about their “open-mindedness” for the sexual jokes which are mostly about objectifying a women’s bodies. But when it comes to a movie that features a trans character, there is a radio-silence from them.

I jump to the conclusions very easily and that’s not a healthy habit, I know, but when it comes to homophobia and something to that area, more than often I have not been proven wrong. I finally saw the pattern of how their support existed for me as a queer person only in my inbox and while meeting me in person. They were afraid to come for movie like this, that educates about trans people, because they are afraid people will think they are “one of those people” and more like, “one of me”.

I don’t speak for my people(LGBTQIA+ community) but I do know it is hurtful to see your closed ones turning against you. But guess what? Taking the load of their cowardice, is none of ours responsibility. I don’t know if homophobic people hate the community but I know for sure I don’t hate them. I pity them, because they will never be able to live outside the CISHET script (study, job, marriage, kids, retirement, death). They will never be able to open arms for people different than them much less raise them and they will keep on believing their way of living is so-called “normal”. Good luck with that.

[soe-leo]

Me: What if Yasmetri breaks up in season four? (Wishful thinking for binary Bfs lmao) people in the comments of the livestream: I WILL STOP WATCHING IF THAT HAPPENS THEYRE ADORABLE TOGETHER!!!!! Me: -_-. Jk, ship what you want, I just didn’t know they were THAT popular bc here on Tumblr I see lots of hate for them as a ship (I don’t like em as a ship bc BINARY BFSSSSSS)- Cherry

Apparently a lot of the conservative/cishet male/very young female audience LOVES them because it's the whole nerd-gets-the-hot-girl trope. Look, y'all can ship whatever you want, but I am about to be very anti Yasmetri so PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

I'm so tired of this stupid trope where the twerpy brunette nerd objectifies some skinny mega hot blonde white chick who hates him and then by the end of it he's "won her over" with his awkwardness and ~intellectual superiority~. SO TIRED. Yasmine has been nothing but an awful person to both Demetri and his literal best friend, but just because she's hot, Demetri goes on about how he'd ditch Eli for her in a second. In my opinion, there's no way he actually means that, but the fact that he jokes about it proves he's literally obsessed with her even though she has no redeeming qualities. It's okay to find someone attractive, but if that's the only thing he likes about Yasmine (her bitchiness isn't even charming...it's just bitchy) then maybe he should rethink the whole "im def in love with her" thing.

And there is such a clear difference between Hawk's redemption and Yasmine's. Hawk visibly goes through a battle within himself, constantly questioning if he's doing the right thing because deep down he knows he's not, and in the end he comes back to Demetri with a genuine apology and the unspoken promise that he will always come back, no matter what tries to get in between them.

Yasmine, on the other hand, showed no remorse for the majority of the show, even in the beginning of season 3. She still doesn't seem to feel that bad about anything she did, since she can't be bothered to apologize to anyone and still insists that she's disgusted by Demetri at the end of s3. PLUS, she only tries to "make things right" (eye roll) with Demetri after experiencing firsthand the pain and humiliation she caused other people on a regular basis. Hawk saw how his actions were hurting people, and even though it served NO BENEFIT TO HIMSELF, he apologized and changed. Yasmine just wants to fix things for herself.

That's not even to mention Demetri's whole part in this. Jesus Christ. Whether he realizes it or not, literally the only reason he's with Yasmine is to prove a point both to himself and to the rest of the school. For his entire adolescent life, he's been told that he's nerdy and weird and he'll never get a hot girl and whatnot, so now that she's said, like, two decent things to him, he's thinking Holy fuck I'm the king of the world, look at me, Demetri the nerd, Demetri the weird, Demetri the awkward, Demetri the annoying. Look at me. I have a hot chick's mouth smashed against mine. It's not like he's insecure about his weirdness by any means (at least not in the same way Hawk was), but now he finally gets to show people that he should have no reason to be insecure. 'cause he's awesome. 'cause the girl he's hooking up with is hot.

All in all, until Aisha comes back and Yasmine profusely apologizes for everything she's done, I'm not going to respect her in the slightest. Even then, she might just apologize because she's embarrassed about the whole front-wedgie thing. I'm just exhausted by old dudes trying to live vicariously through teenagers on TV because they're bitter that their high school crush didn't like them back.

I sincerely hope the writers are just extremely big-brained and are using Yasmetri as an opportunity for both of them to grow: Demetri realizes he deserves to date someone far better than her, and Yasmine realizes that she can't just skate by without acknowledging that she fucked up a lot in the past. Or, like I said in a previous post, I would not be mad if they legitimately just "forgot" about Yasmine's plot and never mentioned her again.

[bugaboo-valerie]

In light of the recent GoT fandom drama going on with Targ/Dany stans and their criticism/hate on Sophie Turner... I want to pop in and give my genuine opinion[s].

Last year, when I was seventeen-almost-eighteen and in my senior year of high school, I was going through a really awful time mentally. My grades were dropping, I was having anxiety attacks, was extremely unwell mentally and gained a bit of weight. It started at the end of January, which wasn’t too long before I discovered Sophie through the Jonas Brothers’ documentary (as I’d been a fan of them since childhood, and was so excited when they got back together, so I watched it on Amazon Prime as soon as I could). When I searched her up online for the first time, one of the first things that came up was her interview on Dr. Phil where she spoke about her depression. I didn’t regularly watch him nor was I really a fan of his (more so indifference than anything), but I wanted to watch it to hear what she had to say as I was going through a hard time myself. As I began to watch more and more of her, I really began to love her as a person and think of her as my role model, and hearing her own story made me have hope that I would make it through my own hard times (and I did soon enough). Safe to say, she means a lot to me, and is one of my favorite celebrities and actors for her awareness, activism and in general, I really love and admire her as a person.

Back on topic - as someone who’s part-black (black, white, Latina and Brazilian, but not 25% of each yet with the ethnicity of my grandparents and great-grandparents on both sides), I think it’s sick that so many Dany stans want to accuse Sophie of saying the n-word and trying to make her into a racist/the Antichrist just because they don’t care for her. Instead of trying to start rumors about an actress/actor you don’t like and trying to make them into a terrible person with questionable views/politics/opinions etc., why don’t you focus on actual non-black celebs who’ve said the n-word or other racist/offensive slurs? And not to mention, there are so few white celebrities who are being genuine right now when it comes to the current protests and movements, and as a WOC/POC, I can TELL when someone is being genuine. And imo, Sophie 100% is. Not everyone who likes her is white, and you may never know; she, Sansa or both could mean a whole lot to many people outside of a fictional character on-screen, and I’m one of them. She and her character can mean a lot to people who were depressed like Sophie herself, or who went through emotional, psychological, physical and sexual abuse like Sansa. Regardless of color, gender, class and sexuality, as a LOT of people like to say that all her stans are rich cishet white girls

But it doesn’t stop there with their Sophie hate - and even though they happened a while ago, the following few I’ll discuss beneath the cut are also quite... sick.

Let’s start off with what they’ve said just this year about Sophie’s pregnancy. Nothing, and I repeat, NOTHING that anyone else in the fandom has done, no matter who they are will ever beat that level of vileness. There’s no excuses for anyone who did that, regardless of who they are (sexuality/gender, race, religion and disabilities are no excuse to be a disgusting POS who wishes harm on a pregnant woman, Janet). No question, they deserved to be called out and criticized for those actions (the Dany stans who did, not the ones who were actively against it and called out their own kind). I’m not even going to get into this one, because anyone with common sense or any type of morals should know just WHY what they said about Sophie’s pregnancy was so fucking sick and wrong. And if you don’t/disagree with me, please, block and unfollow me ASAP.

And the second one is revolving around a rather controversial topic in the fandom: The reunion special.

Let’s start with the story of how the drama in the fandom all went down: Sophie made a joke about Kit showing up to set drunk, it was completely harmless to everyone except for Dany/Targ/Emilia stans who decided that Sophie was the Antichrist and were having fits of unholy screeching in their corners.

But before people can twist my words, no, I do NOT think that it’s funny to make jokes about addiction. It’s so fucking distasteful, and I can get exactly why some people are triggered/upset by it. But, keep in mind that the special was actually filmed in June 2018. A long time before anyone in the cast or the media and people knew about Kit’s addiction. Of course, I’m NOT saying that I would defend her if she already knew and still proceeded to make jokes about it - because I wouldn’t. I’m just saying that she didn’t know and was genuinely joking, so I’m going to give her the benefit of the doubt in that particular situation. Nobody knew about Kit’s struggles then, as it was filmed in 2018, and not 2019 like a lot of people. I love Kit as well, and did feel sorry for him when his drinking problem was revealed, but Sophie genuinely didn’t know, so I won’t bash or chastise her for her comments.

And while we’re on the topic of Kit’s drinking problem - didn’t some Targ stans on Twitter say he ‘deserved’ it because of Jon killing Dany? And their hatred towards the cast doesn’t just stop at him; Isaac, Maisie, Nikolaj, John Bradley and I believe Lena had to experience it too (after Cersei killed Missandei), however, I could be wrong. But TL/DR: It’s sick that Targ stans would start such awful rumors about Sophie just because they dislike her and stan for Dany/Emilia (who, while I like her, DEFINITELY has her flaws off-screen and I have disagreed with several comments she’d made and some things she’s done). Racism isn’t a funny joke you can get away with and start rumors about a celeb you don’t like doing racist things just for shits and giggles or because you hate them for absolutely zero reason.

Now, don’t get me wrong - there ARE bad/toxic Sansa and Sophie stans. Every fandom has shitty fans, and just about every character/celebrity does too. And it’s true that they CAN be gross - but they don’t even come CLOSE to the level that Her Satanic Majesty/EC’s stans do. And if you have to completely and utterly destroy and demonize one character (Sansa) to make another look good (Dany), like a lot of Dany stans have done in their own original content (along with the crosstagging, but I won’t get into that here), you’re only proving just how bad your fave is.

[beetlemancy]

Anon again: Thank you!! I appreciate you taking the time to answer me because I am kind of active in the community but very very new. I did know your opinions but being new I just wanted to know whether those recent posts held any weight. I want to be socially responsible with my media consumption and I was worried there was something I was missing, given I have seen specific call outs for certain cast members (Travis, Laura, Sam, and Liam) recently. Thanks again!!

Anon pt2: you don’t have to post this but for context the call out posts were as follows: Travis actively supports the military, Laura voiced a black character?, Sam did brown face??, and Liam is fake woke/virtual signaling (or something along those lines). Obviously I can find out information about this for myself but I have seen more anti-CR stuff lately which prompted my ask.

As with everything, I suggest you do your own reading on those topics, and any topic that comes up in regards to the media you watch. Below is simply my opinion. Note: this gets long.

Travis does support the military - but not as an institution. He has family in the military. He supports the soldiers. He works with Operation Supply Drop and I’d encourage you to look into OSD specifically. Whether you agree with the idea that we should even have a military or not, you cannot deny that our veterans and soldiers are given the short end of the stick. We cannot just abandon them because helping them might be viewed as giving money to the military. I have so many military vets in my disability groups. The VA is awful because it has no funding (I know good people who work at the VA too, but they just cannot help everyone like they’d want to). Programs like OSD are genuinely helpful to a lot of hurting folk and the people who shit on Travis and CR for promoting and helping them out have clearly never actually sat down and talked to a vet or a soldier before. 

Laura and many many other voice actors have voiced people of color in various shows. Yes, this is a legit problem. However, obviously as with most things, the problem is nuanced. The fault mainly lies with the VO industry as a whole, in that actors actually have very little control over what they do. There was a whole strike about this very topic (though the strike covered other issues in the industry as well). In the case of Laura, for instance, she was never told what her character would look like until after the fact. And that is super common in the industry. One of the things they tried to get in the strike was more transparency so that actors could make the decisions themselves whether to voice characters or not - not just based on race or culture but also based on type of work (stressful screaming vs chill dialogue) and whether the content of the game itself was something they wanted their name attached to. 

Sam’s blackface scandal is extremely old news. That’s not to say it isn’t important to note, and in fact Sam made a point to note it again back in 2018. I know people who can’t watch CR because of it, even after his apology, and that’s fine because its not my place to judge others for how they react to that kind of thing. However I know a lot of people who read his apology and the circumstances surrounding it and decided to forgive. To some people, the fact that he was asked to do so by will.i.am changes the situation. To others, it doesn’t. To some the fact that he apologized and has clearly worked to improve his behavior matters, to others it doesn’t. You have to decide that for yourself. You can read Sam’s letter HERE. 

Now. Regarding Liam. * sigh * I think, and again this is my opinion, that you cannot proclaim someone you do not know as ‘fake woke.’ I think there are parts of this fandom that have it out for Liam because of a whole bunch of gross reasons, many of which I’ve spoken about before. He is sensitive and a man - that makes people uncomfy. He plays a lot of women characters and tends to embody them in both personality and body language - that makes people uncomfy. He fully embraces the bi energy (this is not to say whether he himself is or not) - that makes a lot of people uncomfy (and angry). He loves theatre and loves to explore the human condition, warts and all - that makes people super uncomfy. Now. There are people who thinks he’s homophobic. Do you know why? Its because his bi character ended up with a woman instead of a man. That is biphobia, no matter how they twist it. Bi people being “allowed” to be bi and not ‘pick the right side’ in the LG (not BT, lets be real) community IS revolutionary because its so very hated. 

Another reason they say he’s homophobic is because of the jokes he is often involved in - some gay men in the fandom believe that joking about sex is him ‘making fun’ of gay relationships. As a bi enby, I disagree, and I read many of the jokes he himself makes as the kind of humor I use among my own friends. I think there is a definite disconnect between bi vs LG humor and I’m not entirely sure who would be considered in the ‘right’ on that. However, when LG people in the fandom claim that he cannot talk about gay relationships because he is cishet? They cannot know that. That is an assumption they are making. When LG fans say that he alone is responsible for this issue and not -literally every single member of CR- ? I have to question whether its really the issue and not just that they still hate Liam for deigning to make a bi character bi instead of gay.

Another thing re: Liam. Aside from Marisha, he is the one I see the most hate about. People on Twitter and Tumblr both have legit uttered death threats about him if he doesn’t do exactly what they want his characters to do in the game. Usually this is about shipping. I have seen people claim that they WISH he was ‘like vic mignogna’ so they’d have a reason to hate him more. I’ve seen a certain group of people and one in particular say they have ‘dirt’ on him but refuse to say what the dirt is - and yet continually bring up that it exists, but that they just cannot say. Why would you incessantly bring up information you possess just to say that you cannot divulge such information? 

Legit issues about CR that is attached to Liam is the whitewashing issue. Some say that only Liam is responsible here because he controls all the art. I would say that we actually don’t know that for sure. He is ‘Art Dad’ and clearly has some pull. I do think that CR should address this issue, but I’m not sure they can legally do what the fandom wants them to do, which is “call-out” artists by name and denounce them. Now, this too is more nuanced than the fandom makes out because its often way more about colorism vs whitewashing. Many people do not draw Beau as white, but they do draw her as much lighter skin tones than her original art. Colorism is a real problem, but white allies tend to go about talking about it wrong or making smaller things a bigger deal when POC would really rather talk about something more important to them. It was these same white allies that tore Mica Burton apart on Twitter because she liked and enjoyed a drawing of Reani, her own character, that was a few shades lighter than the drawing she herself had brought in, even after she had said that she appreciated the variety of skin tones due to seeing herself in each of them. On the topic of whitewashing/colorism in the fandom, I personally tend to wait to hear from POC over the masses of white allies.

The CR fandom is very big for a niche thing like DnD. As such, there are many many corners of the fandom that can get really jaded, really dark, and really up their own ass in regards to the discourse. There are legitimate issues in the fandom and with CR as a whole. Nothing is perfect, nothing ever will be perfect, and people should absolutely do what they can to do better and to ask their media to do better. That being said, there are also people who think that if you don’t do something exactly like they want, then you’re Problematic by default. There are also members of this fandom who have an active vendetta against certain cast members and will use any opportunity to co-opt legit issues in order to shore up their false arguments. These people are only using the real issues and it becomes clear pretty quickly that they don’t actually give a shit about the people they say they are trying to speak up for. 

There is also some fandom drama that has occurred ONLY in fandom and has absolutely nothing to do with CR other than the fact that the people involved happen to be CR fans. Certain people in the fandom think that CR should arbitrate this issue and involve themselves, call out the individuals responsible, etc. This is, I believe, a GROSS misconception of what CR’s role is and asking way too much of a source of entertainment. The fact that CR has not involved themselves in this issue has led certain members of this fandom to claim that CR is homophobic. I would caution that most callouts of CR as homophobic are directly linked to this first issue, and also a callback to the Vaxleth drama from campaign one, and is incontrovertibly tied to bi and enby-phobia and a seriously sick misunderstanding of the responsibilities a show has versus the responsibility individuals have as viewers of said show. 

That’s it for now. I could go way more in depth on this problems, but I’m tired of typing. Suffice it to say, its easy to make a list of things Problematic with CR, but once you actually delve into each topic hopefully you’ll realize how complicated and filled with nuance and Different Opinions going on back from the first episode of Campaign One... Listing problems without actually addressing them head-on isn’t a good way to deal with the problems that are true anyway, let alone tell them from the false ones. 

[cheeriosandwine]

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sometimes I think about how I'm the only one of my siblings that truly got out and I'm so wrapped in horror for them I don't know what to do. why have they stayed? did the things we were raised with not hurt them too, it didn't crush them up like it did me, how are they still in it? didn't we have the same childhoods? is just bc I'm queer? is that why it almost killed me and not them? is that the only reason I escaped, bc I'm queer and I couldn't handle the trauma of sacrificing myself every day in the name of some cruel deity? I find it almost impossible to relate to them but I still love most of them and I just wish so badly that they could understand why. why I had to leave and why they should too. the ignorance and hatred and fear we were raised with are poison and knowledge is freedom but they don't want to know and I can't understand why they don't want to be free. god especially my little brothers. I want to be genuine friends with them but I can't. it's not possible right now while they're still too stuck in it, under our parents' beliefs. and it makes me want to scream bc it's so fucked up. it's so fucked up that I was taught to hate myself to death and then you were all so sad when I was hospitalized. you led me to that. you led me right there you told me I deserved to die my whole life and then dared to act confused and hurt when I believed you. and even if all the rest of my siblings are cishet it kills me that they're caught up in the same belief system of hate and I don't know what to do. I don't have any magic words to help them see it doesn't have to be like this. they don't have to cut off pieces of themselves either. why would you do that why would you teach children that they're worthless why would you tell your own children they should die that you'd kill them if God commanded what the fuck is wrong with you what's wrong with you whats fucking wrong with you