#nothing quite hits like a collar tbh

[dimlylittorch]

Logan Howlett with a golden retriever boyfriend is soooo cutesy

My Masterlist🌱

Logan Howlett x transmasc!sweetheart!reader

i need this man to be my black cat boyfriend :((

Idk i just imagine Logan running into this sweet little guy (no I’m not talking about myself why would you even think that-) and said little guy getting attached to him immediately. Logan wouldn’t know what to do with himself tbh, he just has this little ray of sunshine as his shadow now and he’s not exactly hating the attention.

You get his number as soon as you can, saving his name into your phone with some cute emoji that makes his eyes hurt. Promising him that you’ll text him soon, saying how you can’t wait to hang out sometime. Logan being slightly dazed from the entire interaction, not used to people actually wanting to be around him.

The two of you having completely different text tones but it doesn’t phase you at all. He’s a bit on the dry side but you tell him he should use emoticons since he doesn’t like emojis. You were practically squealing the first time he sent a ‘:)’ at the end of a message. You love to use exclamation points, and he honestly loves it because he knows that’s exactly how you’d be talking about it in person- a little ball of excitement.

He can’t get enough of you and your personality. You’re not like most people he meets, you’re way more real. A natural giver, laughing all the time, witty humor.. god you were something else. The first time you two went out together he couldn’t admit to himself that he was a little nervous. Could he keep up with your energy? Would you think he’s boring? He wasn’t much of a constant talker like you. Would you mind?

It turns out you didn’t mind at all. You were good at matching people’s energies, but also good at balancing them. When he was quiet, you’d get more excited and talk so he didn’t have to. When he was talking you’d simply smile up at him and listen attentively. You were just so happy to be in his presence.. he wasn’t used to it.

One of the first things he noticed about you was how socially aware you were. It was like a second nature to you- monitoring how other people were feeling and assessing how you should act in return. He never failed to notice how your smile got so much brighter when he laughed at your joke, or when you caught a smile on his lips.

At one point when the two of you were walking down the street you saw how he tensed slightly at the sight of a bar with a group of rowdy drunks outside. As if it was instinct for you, you switched sides with him so you would be closer to them- not him. Taking his hand in your own and squeezing it slightly, trying to offer a comforting gesture. Now- he had been on edge with concerns for your safety. But silly little you took it upon yourself to what- protect him? The thought amused him and made his heart flutter nonetheless.

One of the drunk men throwing a bottle at the ground, it flying too close to Logan for your liking. Immediately turning and grabbing the guys collar even though you were quite a few inches shorter, yanking him down to your level. “If that had hit him, we’d be having fucking problems” you seethe. “You understand me?” Logan is practically frozen as he watches you, honestly surprised you’d react like that. You had been nothing but sweet all day.

The drunkard quickly fumbles with his words, barely able to stand straight. He thinks about shoving you off, but when he sees the glare Logan is shooting his way he decides against it. He just scoffs and pulls away, turning back to his friends who were all laughing. When you turn back to Logan he has a smirk on his face, and he wraps his arm around your shoulders as you continue to walk. “Could’ve handled him myself” he muses.

Huffing softly as you slip your hand into Logan’s jacket pocket to keep him close, you continue your walk. “You’re too pretty to have to deal with dickheads like that” you muttered, causing a heat to bloom in Logan’s chest. His little guard dog.

The first time the two of you kissed was one of his favorite memories. It was the holiday season, and you two decided to hang out for New Year’s Eve. Having been resting on either end of the couch, both of you wishing you could work up the nerve to get closer. The doorbell rang and you stood up to go get it, knowing it was the pizza you had ordered. As soon as you close the door and set the pizza on the kitchen counter, you hear the roar of cheers from outside of the apartment, people celebrating in the streets. Before you can even utter the words ‘happy new year Logan’ he slips next to you and cups your chin, pulling you into a kiss.

“Happy New Year, bub” he whispered against your lips as soon as he broke away. Staring up at him, you had the cutest look of surprise- one he would remember forever. When it finally registered what he had done you quickly wrapped your arms around his torso with a squeal of excitement, almost making him fall over. As soon as he stabilizes himself with a huff, you lean up to kiss him sweetly, your arms wrapping around his neck and pulling him down to your level. Laughing against his lips, he can’t help but grin himself. “What’s so funny?” He smirked.

Giggling softly as you looked up at him, he saw that glint in your eye he always loved. “Can we be boyfriends?” You’d practically beamed up at him. Christ, how could he say no to a face like that?

[sunshiline-writes]

A Rose Amidst Thorns #19: Swimming in the River

Previous | Masterlist | Next Another calmer chapter before shit hits the fan! Enjoy and let me know what you think! Also ARAT has officially hit 50k words in total! Yippee. word count: 4.1k CW: Drowning, abusive relationships, self deprecating thoughts, POC whump, Lady Whump, Western Whump, idk if there's a lot tbh, if I've missed anything let me know.

There was something in the wind today. It was a hot, sulfury thing. So hot it made the air feel thinner. Hard to breathe. Solomon felt himself sweltering and thinning just from standing outside. Sweat beaded down the side of his face, his shirt was soaked through. It was only early morning. Hadn’t even made it to the hottest part of the day yet. Even Xavier was having trouble. 

They both stood in the shade of a tree in a shoddy attempt to stay cool. The breeze only carried more heat. Solomon sighed and wiped his face with the collar of his shirt. 

“Xavier the horses are going to die if we don’t get them out of this heat. The ranch hands too,” he said slowly. Solomon stood on eggshells now around Xavier. Especially after the incident. When he was able to look in a mirror, Solomon had realized that his cheek had been broken, creating a sunken in look, along with the right bottom half of his face having no muscle tone. If he didn’t know better, he might have thought himself a victim of a stroke. He had been physically and mentally changed by this altercation. Everytime he looked into a mirror, he remembered the cotton feeling of his head being pushed into the ground. The way Xavier’s yelling faded away while he lost consciousness. 

Solomon didn’t want to go through that again. He was going to die if Xavier did that again. His bones couldn’t take another beating like that. Sometimes his face still throbbed. His body still ached. He’d been adding yucca to his teas to help with the pain in his joints. Now the heat was killing him slowly. 

“Xavier,” he tried again, only to be stopped by a hand raised in the air. 

“I know. I’m thinking,” he replied curtly. 

Solomon stood there for another moment, rubbing the back of his neck. Feeling the sweat drip off of him. Then Xavier finally spoke again. 

“Get Jesse, tell him to get Miguel and help him ready all the horses. You go to the ranch house and get the hands. Tell everyone we’re going to the river.” Solomon nodded, “Yes. I will do that.” 

He was glad to leave Xavier’s side for the moment. The tension was still thick between them. Especially after the interaction with Miguel. He was certain that the man knew about it and said nothing. Why? He wasn’t quite sure. Xavier had been hard to read as of late. Allowing more freedoms than before. The heavy pit in Solomon's stomach told him that something terrible was about to happen. It was like a storm was brewing. He remembered a grating thunder storm that shook the ground and burned the lands of his old home. Lightning had struck a mile away and burned everything. Solomon had this vision that Xavier was the lightning strike. A singular occurrence from him would burn everything in its path. 

Solomon thought about the storm when he saw Jesse leaning against the side of a fence post near the cowpens. He looked uncomfortable, running a hand through bright red curls that he never took care of. He was sweating through his shirt. Solomon cleared his throat. Jesse lifted his head to look at him with a squint, frowning. 

“Yeah? You need somethin’ Doc?” 

“Xavier is taking the animals to the river to cool off. Said he wanted you to get Miguel and saddle up the horses for everyone.” 

Jesse made a face, sighing softly as he straightened his posture. 

“Fuckin’ river, shit.” 

“You’ll be fine. You don’t have to go in,” Solomon tried gently. Jesse’s fear of water, of being wet, hadn’t gotten any better over the sixteen or so years he’d known him. “You can just sit in the shade.” 

Jesse didn’t reply to him. All he did was push himself away from the fence post and wave a hand in dismissal. “I’ll get the mutt.” 

Solomon watched him walk away, frowning. No matter the horrible things that Jesse did. For some reason, Solomon couldn’t bring himself to hate the kid. Not when he saw the state he came to the ranch in. Emaciated, crying, terrified of everything. He didn’t know everything about how Ximena died. He knew that Jesse was forever changed by it. He’d seen him a few times before Xavier’s sister passed. A mischievous little thing with a crooked grin, who ran past him multiple times when he went inside to check on Ximena’s health. Jesse had apparently sat there with his mothers decaying body in a bathtub for something close to a month. It wasn’t an excuse for the little monster he had become. It did provide reason to his actions though. 

There were small glimpses of an old morality that showed up every once in a while. He couldn’t think too hard on it, lest he make himself succumb to a melancholy he couldn’t control. Solomon could never hate Jesse. He was just a kid too. A victim too. They all were. Sucked in and struck down by the storm that was Xavier. Solomon didn’t always like Jesse, but he could never hate him. 

He sighed softly, lifting his face to the sun. Feeling the heat burn his skin for a moment. Soaking in the way the Sun god shined its light on him. He was alive another day. Another day to keep the others alive. He silently thanked his gods for the allowance to live. He ended his prayer with a step toward the ranch house. Solomon knocked on the door. 

A man answered the door, dark skin, dark eyes looked him up and down for a moment. His name was Yardly. Solomon doubted that was his real name. 

“What does Xavier want now? It’s too hot to do any real work,” Yardly started.

“He wanted you to get the horses, get all the animals rounded up, and take them to the river. We’re all going.” 

“All of us?” 

Solomon furrowed his brow. Hand twitching. “Yes. All of us. It’s too hot to leave anyone behind.” 

All twenty-three men in the ranch house, Miguel, Jesse, himself, and Xavier. The hundred or so cattle, and the fifteen horses. Livestock, all of them. Creatures of habit and creatures that had no choice in going to the river. 

Yardly sighed and nodded his head to Solomon. 

“Alright then. We’re all goin’. I’ll get the men. We’ll round up the cattle. Meet at the back gate? Easiest way to get to the river from there.” 

“I’ll let Xavier know,” Solomon said, offering a small smile. 

“Yeah. Give us an hour,” said Yardly, then he promptly shut the door in Solomon’s face. 

He took a moment to stand there. Sun beating on the back of his neck. He’d rather be burned alive than have to go back to Xavier. Solomon went back anyway. Everytime when he thought he could no longer go back, he still did. 

They were friends once. Him and Xavier. Before Ximena died. Before everything changed. That was the thing wasn’t it? Everything changes. Nothing stayed the same. Time is a flat circle that goes round and round. Someone may end up where they started but it wouldn’t be the same. In all reality, one can never go back to the way it was. Solomon could wish all he wanted, but he can never go back. 

___ 

The trip to the river was almost like a cattle drive. It basically was a cattle drive. Xavier rode in the front, Henrietta and Solomon at either of his sides. Jesse rode in the back with Miguel. The ranch hands scattered around the herd, keeping the cattle from straying too far. Keeping them on track. Yells and whistles scattered as they all communicated with each other to keep the cattle calm. The sound of hooves on the ground and the long moans of the livestock rattled Solomons brain the heat. 

He felt sick, nauseous and sweat soaked. Almost hot and cold at the same time. He was sure his face was flushed. Even Henrietta was having trouble, leaning forward limply on her horse. 

“Almost there,” Xavier assured. Clicking his tongue and digging his spurs into his horse's sides to make it go into a cantor. Everyone followed suit. Pushing the cattle forward, everyone trotted into a cantor. A giant surge of living, breathing things formed together. The tension was thick in the air. Almost as thick as the dust that flowed up from the hooves kicking up dirt. The sun was now at the highest point in the sky, heat becoming unbearable with no end in sight. 

Yet, Solomon heard the river before he saw it. As the sound of the rushing water filled everyone's ears, the tension in the air released. They surged forward. It was a giant collective breath as the first cattles hooves stepped into the water. Livestock first to get settled. The cattle moo’d happily as they sunk into the water and drank. The horses took to swimming in the river. There was a hum of quiet conversation as the men around tied their horses in the shade. 

Solomon hummed a quiet prayer of thanks as he waded his feet in the water. The water was cold, his feet sunk into mud and he sighed in relief as he waded deeper. Wetting his trousers, up to his waist. He crouched low in the water and let the cool water cover him up to his shoulders. His body shuddered in relief. Focused on his own relief, he didn’t realize the many men who were taking off their shirts and pants, jumping into the water. Every man laughed in relief, talking to each other, the hum of conversation mixed with the cicadas singing. Solomon leaned back and floated in the water. Letting it wash over him. Clean. He was clean. He made himself stand, wiping the water from his face.He quickly glanced around for Xavier, who was swimming off a ways. Miguel was sitting in the shallow part of the river, hands idly playing with the water. Henrietta swam just in front of him, trying to coax him to go deeper into the water. Solomon swam toward them both and smiled gently at Miguel. He smiled back and then averted his gaze, staring down into the water instead. 

“He can’t swim,” Solomon said to Henrietta. 

Henrietta glanced at him. “I thought we were banned from talking.” 

“He’s not paying attention. Heat does funny things to a person.” 

Henrietta hummed, letting herself float in the water, eyes closed. There was something off about her that Solomon couldn’t place. Quieter. He narrowed his eyes, glancing at Xavier again who was talking to Yardly in the water. Still paying them no mind. “What’s wrong Hen?” he asked softly. Swimming next to Miguel and taking a seat next to the boy.  

“Hm? Nothing,” Henrietta said, lifting her head out of the water. It dripped down on her shoulders. 

“Hen.” 

“I-” 

Solomon watched her carefully with a frown. Glancing again at Xavier, still safe. His gaze returned to Henrietta whose face was pinched like she had just eaten a lemon. Sour and bitter at the same time. It made him nervous. A pit in his stomach started to form. 

“Henrietta.. What's wrong?” 

“There’s.. There’s someone coming for us.” 

“How do you mean?” 

Henrietta now looked back at Xavier. Voice lowering. “Isabella, she sent someone. Melanie. They’re coming for us. I-” she paused, looking back again, “I asked them to come for us. I’ve been.. Exchanging notes. Giving them information. The layout of the ranch hands. Miguel’s feeding schedule. Everything.” 

It took a moment to process. It seemed impossible. The mere possibility of escape made his chest hurt. Xavier would kill them. Follow them to the end of Earth and slaughter them like cattle. Solomon stared at her for a moment. Licks his lips and reaches a hand out to her. She reaches out to him and their hands touch in the water. “Thank you,” is all he can think of to say. 

He releases her hand after a quick squeeze, then turns around and swims back toward the opposite side of the riverbend. Watching Xavier from the corner of his eye, back still toward them, still talking idly with Yardly. The water made everything seem far away. Even as he leaned back and floated idly. Relishing peace. The mix of noises that surrounded him. The current was practically nonexistent. They were all able to stay still. When it rained however, the river current was so strong that it could wipe away a bear. He’d heard it had happened before. The years prior to his birth. There was a flood once, and it rained for three days straight. His parents thought the gods were angry with the world for something. Perhaps they were. They retreated to high ground, up the mountain. Told him a story of a mother bear, trying to rescue her cubs as she lifted them to climb a tree. Got swept away. The cubs were saved but how could they live without their mother? He asked them that, his father sighed and told him that they probably died. 

Solomon never liked that story. Always thought it was too sad. He made up his own endings where the cubs made it out alive too. Climbed down from that tree and got taken in by some other mother bear. Or perhaps they learned to live on their own. Whenever he thought about that story he often thought of his younger brother. Peter. He did miss him. Though it had been nearly thirty years since he died, sometimes he still heard him laugh when the wind was strong enough. Imagining happy endings for sad creatures had always been a habit of his. He never really thought that he would be imagining a happy ending for himself. Or for his brother. 

Did anyone really get a happy ending? Was it allowed in a place like this? Were happy endings not just something made up by people who were desperate? Solomon knew that there was no such thing as a happy ending. Endings were always sad. But there was a difference between a life well lived and a life spent in fear. Solomon was the latter. At least for now. 

If- no when, they escaped, he would make sure to live a fulfilling life. He would have Henrietta to thank and Miguel to guide. Maybe there were no happy endings. There could be happy dreams though. He dreamt of a life of freedom and a fulfilling ending. He dreamt of returning home to his tribe. His people. 

Dreams were funny things. Full of hope and optimism. The future was too, if you didn’t let the circumstances of the present kill you first. Solomon wouldn’t let this present kill him. He’d make it to the end. He swore it. Henrietta and Miguel would make it to the end too. They had too. There was no Solomon without them. They were intrinsically connected. He wouldn’t make it without them. Solomon realized he didn’t.. quite want to either. 

Solomon pulled himself under the water to wake himself up. Shake himself free from his thoughts. When his head came up from the water he heard screaming. His eyes immediately went to Miguel, who sat wide eyed, staring somewhere else. Solomon followed the boy's gaze. Seeing Xavier, dragging Jesse by the hair to the water bend. Something in him ached as he watched Xavier threw him into the water. The ranch hands stared at the scene in front of them like it was something entertaining. 

He watched as the boy struggled and squirmed to get out of the water. Panic in his eyes, in his breathing. Sobbing already as if the water itself was boiling. Something prodded sharply at Solomon's gut as Xavier shoved him down to his knees in the shallow part of the river, then he pressed his face into the water. Jesse’s panic shined as his limbs flailed uselessly and he attempted to get loose from Xavier’s grip. It didn’t take long for Jesse to start going limp, that’s when Xavier pulled his head out of the water by his hair. “Pl.. please stop,” Jesse cried through pants and coughs. Forcing air back into his lungs and coughing out water as he did so. His whole body shook as if he was a fall leaf at the beginning of winter. Sobbing as tears mixed with river water. 

Solomon found himself at the edge of the river, slowly walking toward them. Calling out softly, “Xavier. That’s enough. He’s had enough.” 

“Aren't you getting tired of his bullshit? Can’t get wet, doesn’t like water. He was gonna give himself fucking heatstroke all because of a silly little fucking fear.” Xavier responded, shoving Jesse’s head under the water again. 

It felt like he was watching a train wreck. Watching the rail fade away and the train slip off into a ravine. Solomon could only stand idly by as he always did as Xavier lifted the boy's head to let him breathe, then dunked him again, and again, and again. So much so that the ranch hands got bored and the hum of conversation started once again. It almost drowned out the gasps and coughs of Jesse. The only people who stared and watched were Solomon, Henrietta, and Miguel. Their silence was drowned out by the men who had grown tired of watching the show. Xavier eventually got tired too, dragging Jesse to the space under the tree he had hidden under before, and left him there. Jesse shivered in the dirt, curled around himself, no energy to even cry about it. 

After all these years, Solomon still couldn’t bring himself to hate the kid. After everything he’d done to him, to Miguel, he couldn’t do it. He’d nursed an eleven year old boy back to health after he’d spent a month with his mothers dead body alone. Helped him get back on his feet when the child was barely able to walk on his own. Watched him get turned into this. Gods he couldn’t hate him, but he did pity him. Solomon felt sorry for him. 

Compassion was his curse. 

He cursed himself as he made out of the water, knees popping and aching as he did so. His clothes dripped and he felt heavy as he made his way over to Jesse, picking up his bag as he did so. Crouching beside him and gently tapping his shoulder. 

“Jesse,” he said softly, “Jesse can you put your arm around my shoulders? Let's get you dry somewhere no one can see.”  

The boy coughed weakly once more but forced himself to sit up, placing his arm around Solomon’s shoulders with a little help. Solomon half lifted, half helped him stand. Then they walked into the brush. When he felt that they were sufficiently far enough to not be bothered, Solomon leaned him against a tree. The boy trembled and had his eyes half closed, panting heavily. 

“Take your clothes off, I’ll hang them for you. I brought a few towels.” 

Jesse didn’t even argue as he stripped down for him. Everything, leaving himself shivering and naked as the day he was born. Solomon laid out a towel for him to sit on and then handed him a towel to dry himself with. He didn’t look at him as he took Jesse’s clothes and hung them on a low hanging branch. In the heat they would dry quickly. A brightside to the warm breeze that had now cemented itself in the air. His own wet clothing already felt half dry from the heat. But he could live with that. 

By the time Solomon turned around, Jesse had the towel covering himself, mostly dry as he sat down. Hair still damp, curls actually deciding they would curl as he shivered still. Eyes watery. “I just didn’t want to go in the water,” he whispered. 

“I know Jesse,” Solomon said softly. Jesse coughed again, it rattled his chest. Solomon hummed, grabbing his stethoscope from his bag and crouching next to the kid again. “Can I?” 

He nodded, flinching as the cool metal pressed against his skin. Solomon listened as Jesse tried to inhale deeply without success. Moving the stethoscope across his chest. He’d be lucky to not contract some form of pneumonia or cough. Solomon would deal with that later, when they were back home. For now though, he’d just keep Jesse calm enough to breathe.  

“The diagnosis doc?” Jesse mumbled weakly, as Solomon retracted from him. 

“Water in your lungs, which is to be expected really.” 

Jesse laughs with another wet cough, hand clenching in a fist over his chest. “Really? Who would have guessed?” 

An uncomfortable silence stretched for a moment before Solomon spoke again, “I am sorry he did that to you.” 

“You’re not sorry.”  

“I am Jesse,” Solomon argued gently. “He makes it worse when he does that. The fear I mean. Doesn’t care that it just makes you worse.” 

Jesse frowned. Looking away from Solomon for a moment. Leaning his head back on the trunk of the tree. Closing his eyes for a moment. Shivering until he took a deep breath to steady himself. The boy looked young and for a moment, Solomon saw something new in him. Something tired. The kid was tired. 

“I dunno Sol,” Jesse said softly, “I ain’t no angel. Maybe I deserve it.” 

“Your uncle tell you that?” 

“Sometimes. Does it matter?” 

Solomon frowned, sitting down on the dirt at Jesse’s feet, legs crossed underneath him. He stared at the boy for a moment. He did terrible things, yes. Jesse Reede was not a good person. Maybe he never had been. Solomon did not believe in being born evil though. He believed in circumstance and life leading a person down a certain path. Sometimes that path could be changed by someone's own will, if they were given the chance. Jesse just hadn’t seen his chance yet.

“I think that the thought of ‘deserving’ things is unclear. I don’t think anyone deserves to be treated badly. Even if you’ve done terrible things yourself.” 

“I’m a bad person Sol. Always will be. Ain’t no arguing it. I deserve what I get.” 

Solomon sighed and shook his head, “No Jesse. You are a bad person. You’ve done terrible things that there is no going back from, yes. But that doesn’t mean you will always be that way. It just means that you have more to prove if you ever do decide to change. People aren’t good or bad. Not inherently. People make good and bad choices based on the options presented to them. Just because you made a lot of bad decisions doesn’t mean you can’t make good ones. It just means that the good decisions mean that much more.” 

The boy stayed quiet after that, staring up at the sun through the leaves of the trees. Breathing slowed down, shaking came to a slow, and he looked calmer. The air felt calmer. Solomon stood up and dusted himself off. Sighing once again. He’d leave Jesse here to think, to come around on his own terms. 

As he turned around, Jesse spoke once more. “What was my fathers name?” 

Solomon frowned, looking back at him, “What do you mean?” 

“My father, you knew him right? What was his name?” 

“Abraham.”  

Jesse shook his head, “No. His full name. What.. What was my name?” 

“Xavier would kill me if I told you.” 

The boy stayed quiet, nodding solemnly. Solomon began to walk away, but stopped himself. 

“McCellan, your fathers name was Abraham McCellan. Xavier killed him three weeks after you turned one.” Then Solomon left Jesse there and he didn’t turn back. 

Why he suddenly felt brave he didn’t know. Perhaps it was the bravery of Henrietta creating an escape plan for them a year after capture. Or perhaps it was the fact that he, too, was tired. Solomon wanted to go home. Wanted to live his life with the rest of his family while he still could. Perhaps it was also that he wanted Jesse to escape Xavier. Make his own decisions. Be a human being for once. 

He came back into view of the river, breathing deeply the smell of river water and horse manure. Solomon scanned the river, heart dropping when he saw where Henrietta and Miguel were. They were both with Xavier. Henrietta sat with Miguel while Xavier idly talked to them. But he was looking straight at Miguel, his eyes hungry. Solomon felt something crawl down his spine.  

There was a storm coming. It was in the air. 

Solomon could see it too. In Xavier’s eyes.

He could have sworn he heard an owl coo. An omen of death. 

____

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ask if you'd like to be added or removed!!

[keets-writing-corner]

I really miss your Lucilith fanfic! Are you going to return to writing any time soon?

aww hello anon!

I've been working on it on and off lately tbh for multiple reasons, a lot of life stuff happened shortly after I posted 3, and when those finally settled I hit my shitty mental health months, and those are finally at a close now that the new year has started, aaaaaaand my main focus atm is actually trying to get my webcomic up and running (I'm hoping to start posting that in march, still got some background things to get through for that)

BUT I AM STILL WORKING ON THE LUCILITH FIC I PROIMSE

Actually, after the helluvaboss mastermind episode I really wanted to get back into it cuz of that micro Lucifer not-cameo. It's kinda hard for me to stay engaged with it a bit tho, none of my irl friends wanna chat with me about Lucifer and the one that at least listens to my ramblings hasn't read the fic

I usually try to reread comments or rewatch episodes, but there's only so many times I can rewatch Dad Beat Dad XD

it doesn't help that chapter 4 is the one I knew I'd struggle with a lot? I had very clear ideas for chapters 1, 2, 3 and 5 but not 4. 4 is kind of in there because there's too big of a time skip between 3 and 5 that it'd be awkward

Plus I do want to explore some things that so far haven't been explained in the show

smol hilarious sidenote: because I like to share snippets when ppl send me asks, I'm pulling the doc and damn, you KNOW it's bad when your computer turns on its fans and begins to lag XD it's so big hahaaaaaaaaa help mee

word count: higher than last time I checked by like 2k words but given the sizes of the chapters that's kind of nothing

now let me see... trying to find a smol snippet that won't spoil anything but satisfies the need for more for a bit hmmm I already shared the first like 600 something words in this other thread and here's a link for that in case you missed it hmmm oh I got it! this is pretty funny imo

__________

“Mmhmm....”

The man waited. 

“So would you mind repeating all of that over again?” Lucifer asked. 

“ARE YOU KIDDING ME???” the man pulled on his hair in frustration, “WHY???” 

The man had been monologuing at Lucifer for over an hour after he summoned him, and... to be quite honest, Lucifer had zoned out almost immediately. The guy’s voice was rather.... Drone-ish...

“I got distracted by something and missed a few details,” Lucifer played it off. 

The man kicked a rock and then began pacing angrily, muttering something about having messed up the ritual before spinning around to face Lucifer, “YOU’RE Lucifer?”

“Correct.”

“As in the scourge of heaven, the absolute ruler of hell?

“Yeppers.”

“One of the most powerful angels that ever existed.”

“Uh huh,” Lucifer picked at his teeth with his claws.

“ARE. YOU. SURE???”

They both stared at each other for a minute before Lucifer shrugged, “Listen, I don’t know what the problem is. You summoned me, and I can’t leave until either I help you or you decide you actually don’t want me here. So what. do. you. want????”

“I want the literal devil! I want a miracle heaven can’t take away or mess up! Not some short pale blonde man who can’t even pay attention to the conversation!” The man flopped on the ground exasperated. 

Lucifer sighed. He had been enjoying seeing earth again after so long and for a moment he felt the briefest twinge of his old love for humans tug at his heart, “Listen, just give me a short version of what you want.” 

“How on earth did you even get distracted anyways??”

“I was thinking of my wife,” Lucifer admitted. The way their conversation had ended lingered in his mind and weighed in his heart in a way he couldn’t properly describe.

The man stared at him, “YOU’RE MARRIED?????”

“You don’t know about Lilith???” Lucifer grabbed him by the collar, “She’s the most amazing person to ever exist! She’s twelve feet tall, gorgeous, so so smart, gorgeous, she’s actually doing most of the ruling of hell right now, gorgeous, her hair is super long and gorgeous, she’s incredibly smart and kind and zealous, ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS and-,”

“I don’t want to hear about your wife!” the man interrupted. 

“You what?” Lucifer felt so offended on Lilith’s behalf that his eyes glowed red. 

The man’s eyes widened and he scooted away on the ground in alarm, “Nonono I-... what I meant umm... She sounds amazing, why were you thinking about her??” he smiled nervously. 

Because last time I was on earth, I was with her and I wish she were here now. But we also had a fight and I don’t know how to fix that. I don’t think I’m wrong, heaven is awful and she’s taking a big risk trying to work with an angel from up there and like who even IS this guy??? Why does he think he can get heaven on board with something I couldn’t?? I mean I was a high seraphim, and if I couldn’t enact change then I doubt anyone who was lower ranking could either without getting instantly smited, and I’m so worried about her even though I know she can handle herself, but I don’t want her getting hurt by heaven and why can’t she just understand that heaven is never going to change, and the sinners aren’t worth the effort, they’re horrible people who got sent to hell for a reason, I mean like, what if they hurt her too?? Oh god Lilith is all I have left, for centuries she’s all that I’ve had, my only source of happiness left! I don’t even know who I am anymore, I can’t recognize myself in the mirror, but when I’m around her it’s like there’s still some part of me that I know and it’s the part of me that loves her, I love her so much- I don’t know what I’d do if I lost her or or-

A million thoughts raced through Lucifer’s head so fast that all he managed to blurt out for the man was, “shepretty.” 

They stared at each other as Lucifer struggled to keep a poker face on and the man waited for him to say more, too afraid to try and change the topic. 

After a moment longer, Lucifer snapped his fingers and out of the ground popped out a chair made of stone. The man stared wide eyed as Lucifer sat in it and then brought them back to the original problem at hand, “Three sentences or less, what do you want me to do for you?”

_________

I do apologize again for the unintended hiatus, I do fully intend to get this out! I just have a lot happening rn, so much so I'm literally having to schedule other creative stuff otherwise I just don't do them XD

[audreydoeskaren]

Abridged history of early 20th century Chinese womenswear (part 1: 1890s & 1900s) *improved version

Source here

*I’m fixing and reposting the first two posts of this series because back then I had no idea how Tumblr formatting functioned and they deserve better. I’m keeping the shoddy original versions for archival purposes.

*After some thought I think it makes more sense to group the 1890s and 1900s together.

Other posts in the series:

Part 1: 1890s (original)

Part 2: 1900s & 1910s (original)

Part 3.1: 1920s-silhouette

Part 3.2: 1920s-design details

Part 3.3: 1920s-accessories, hair & makeup

Part 4.1: 1930s-silhouette & design

Part 4.2: 1930s-hair, makeup & accessories

Part 5: 1940s

Part 6.1: 1950s-Hong Kong, Macau, Taiwan & friends

Part 6.2: 1950s-mainland China

Intro & context

In order to understand early 20th century Chinese fashion we have to go back a bit into the past to have some clue about the context. When the Manchus conquered China and established the Qing Dynasty in the mid 17th century, Han Chinese men adopted Manchu style clothing but Han Chinese womenswear remained independent and separate from Manchu womenswear. Han Chinese women retained the habit of wearing a two piece ensemble as the outermost layer, unlike Manchu women, who wore a single floor length robe. I will be only discussing Han Chinese women’s fashion in this series.

In the 19th century, Han Chinese women wore 袄裙 aoqun, a two piece ensemble consisting of a robe and a skirt. The robe had a very low 立领, standing collar. In the second half of the 19th century, the robe in aoqun had a very generous and roomy cut and huge sleeves, a look which reached its peak in the 1860s and 70s. The hem of the robe hit the knees, the length in vogue since the 1870s. The collar of the robe is very low, only providing enough space for one button, likewise in fashion since the 1870s. The robe is closed with 盘扣 pankou, which in this era were always plain with either a bead or fabric knot tip. The robe closes at the side, usually at the right side at the 大襟 dajin, the side closure, however examples of robes with closures on the left also existed. Robes with closures on both the right and left were also a thing, a style called 双襟 shuangjin, double closure. Shuangjin robes were derived from a men’s riding vest, the 巴图鲁坎肩 batulu vest (batulu is Manchu for “warrior”), that could be opened from both sides, and would experience a revival in the 1920s. 

Source here

1870s/80s photograph of a group of women in aoqun, the two skirts on the left are the elaborate mamian style, the one on the right is plain.

In aoqun, the skirt was usually of a style called 马面 mamian, made of two long horizontal pieces of pleated fabric with two flat sections each sewn to a waistband with one flat section overlapping, creating a wrap skirt that once worn around the wearer’s waist, appears to have two unpleated sections, one at the front and one at the back. This skirt was very decorative in the 19th century, full of embroidery, tassels and elaborate trim, sometimes giving the illusion of a separate apron being attached (I’ve seen this weird stereotype that traditional Chinese womenswear has a separate apron at the front this is complete bogus). The robes were likewise heavily decorated around the seams, ceremonial outfits like wedding gowns could be so full of embroidery that the original fabric is hardly to be seen.

The combination of robe and pants, 袄裤 aoku, was also a common way of dressing since approximately the 1800s or 1810s. This combination would become the norm in the 1890s.

Source here

1870s/80s photograph of a woman in a ginormous ao, roomy pants and with bound feet.

Another noteworthy fad was bound feet. The middle of the 19th century was the pinnacle of foot binding and fashionable women had incredibly small feet, dubbed “lotus feet”. This was achieved by wrapping tight foot binding cloth around the feet since childhood and restricting the growth of the feet, I think also breaking a couple bones in the process. Women wore foot binding cloth and baggy stockings underneath their shoes, tied up with garters below the knees. Foot binding is said to severely restrict mobility and cause intense pain; I don’t doubt the pain part but I’m not sure about mobility since I’ve seen plenty of photographs of women with bound feet roaming about the streets.

Not every woman did foot binding though, it depended heavily on region, class and the individual family. For one, Manchu women all had natural feet. For Han women, an account from the 1850s said that in Beijing, every five or six out of ten women did not have bound feet, and that probability is three or four out of ten in the countryside. In the provinces along the southern coast, most women did not bind their feet (this probably has to do with the influence of indigenous cultures in the south, since foot binding was primarily a Han fashion), whereas in the northwest almost every woman had bound feet. By the way, I really don’t like how articles on foot binding describe it in the most sensational way possible, why is it so hard to approach history with peace of mind? And it pisses me off that all the articles containing 1890s photographs only talk about the foot binding as if there is nothing more of value in portraits of whole ass women.

Anyway, if you are interested in learning more about foot binding, check out  Cinderella‘s Sisters: A Revisionist History of Footbinding by Dorothy Ko, recommended by @thefeastandthefast​ . Or just anything written by Dorothy Ko tbh.

Silhouette

In the 1890s, the cut of the aoqun began to become more slender and form fitting, commonly believed to be a result of westernization. But I think it’s also because the wide sleeve look has also been in fashion for quite a while now (some 80 years or so) and people were getting tired of it. The robe inherited the knee length hem from the 1880s but was less baggy and took on a more straight cut silhouette. The collar remained quite low until the end of the decade. Pants were overwhelmingly more popular than skirts in the 1890s, I speculate this may be due to a rising interest in feminism and women wanting more mobility, but aoku was also very popular in the 1870s and 80s in general so it may have also just carried over. The pants were still ankle length and straight cut but less roomy than earlier 19th century models. Overall the 1890s just looks like a shrunken and simplified version of the 1880s.

Source here

The aoku as of the 1890s.

By the second half of the 1900s, the collar began to rise, becoming medium height. This was kind of reminiscent of late 18th century Han women’s collars I mentioned in this post on Chinese standing collars. The robe and pants shrunk further, becoming quite tight fitting. The robe was still around knee length. The pants were especially tight and could be considered skinny. Foot binding became less common and many women had natural sized feet. However, since foot binding is something that begins in the childhood, the fact that many women without bound feet appeared in the 1900s meant that many parents started to reject food binding in the 1880s and 90s. 

Source here

Ca. 1907 photograph of a group of women, possibly students, in tight fitting aoku.

Design details

The 1890s saw the mass disappearing of wide, embroidered trims around the seams, popular throughout the 19th century. The use of multiple rows of binding/trim from the 1870s and 80s was continued, albeit in a much more minimalistic and geometric way. I’ve seen a lot of plain white ao finished with multiple rows of black binding of different widths, it’s mighty avant-garde and elegant. Because clothes of the era were still constructed in the older Chinese method, they had a seam down the middle of the sleeves used to extend the length of the sleeves; this seam could be bound and decorated but it was not compulsory. Actual embroidery on the robe and skirt/pants was rare, if not non-existent; completely plain fabric was the norm. The ao of this era commonly had a 厂字襟 (厂 shaped closure), where the front placket is held up by one or two buttons and then closed by more buttons down the side seam. This style of closure was first popularized for Han women’s clothing in the 1800s and 1810s, before that Han women’s clothing closures were a straight line from the collar to the armpit. The pankou used to close the ao of this period became a lot more elaborate and the main source of decoration; I have a whole ass post on them here. A general air of simplicity, comfort and proportionality dominated the fashion of this era. In the mid 18th century, Han women’s robes started having folded cuffs (possibly borrowed from Manchu court dress), called 挽袖 wanxiu, and these became fake and represented by a piece of trimming in the 1850s. By the 1890s this design feature largely disappeared, leaving the sleeve edges either plain or simply bound.

Source here

Three women in aoku, late 1890s. I looooove the look on the far left, I will probably make it some day.

Going into the 1900s, the geometric trims became more simplified and austere, while the pankou became increasingly ornamental.

Source here

Late 1900s photograph. The robe is trimmed with fur and thin, geometric binding, and closed by very ornamental pankou.

Hair & Makeup

There were no significant changes in hairstyling in the 1890s, fashionable women would wear existing 1880s hairstyles but style them with bangs. A common style I’ve seen in photographs was long hair pulled back into either one big bun at the back or two smaller ones at the sides. The short bangs were usually very neat, precisely cut and sat closely to the forehead. Elastics did not exist, so Chinese women used strings and hairpins to tie their hair together. Hairpins of this era were usually very thick and sturdy, a single one was enough to hold all your hair into a bun. It was popular to use flowers and/or pearls to form a ring of decorations around a bun. 

Source here

Common 1890s hairstyle, for most people the decorations weren’t so elaborate.

A popular headpiece was this thin headband adorned with pearls worn at the place where bangs should be, although that has been around since the 1870s as well.

Source here

Ca. late 1890s. Some women wearing the pearl headband. 

Around 1905 the bangs began to grow in length but still weren’t long enough to cover the eyebrows. They were longer at the sides and shorter in the middle, creating this volume and curve at the forehead.

Source here

Photograph ca. 1905. Long bangs.

By the end of the decade these evolved into a being with a will of its own. Long hair tied into braids or low buns became fashionable instead of tight, high buns.

Source here

Calendar painting from 1911.

Fashionable women in the 1890s wore little to no makeup, because of the influence of female university students who were usually without makeup. In the 1870s and 80s, thick makeup was more common and was a trend popularized by sex workers in Shanghai, thus becoming increasingly considered indecent in the 1890s. I find this quite problematic cause respectability politics suck and there’s nothing wrong with wearing fashion trends invented by sex workers. All the straight male writers of the 1890s and 1900s praising female students for being “pure” and ”hygienic” in contrast to the supposedly nasty sex workers make me cringe to my core, it’s just pitting women against each other and setting us up for “I’m not like other girls” in my opinion.

The common makeup look includes white power, lipstick and blush. The lipstick shape was usually a tad smaller to the actual lips and blush was applied in large areas toward the outside of the face.

Source here

Standard 1890s and 1900s hair and makeup look. This drawing is probably from around 1902, it’s a bit more festive folk art than fashion plate so take the patterns with a dash of salt.

Undergarments

Unfortunately I don’t have many pictures for undergarments of the era but I can describe them to you. Since women commonly wore pants, they would usually wear another layer of pants (could be considered drawers) underneath that was of a similar construction but plain and easy to launder. Panties and such didn’t exist so drawers were the innermost layer, enough to protect women’s private parts. Likewise for the robe, another plainer, sturdier version would be worn underneath. In the mid 1900s, as the sleeves of the outer robe began to shorten, the undershirt became more form fitting at the wrists and could serve a decorative function. 

Chinese women in the 19th century bound their breasts with long strips of fabric to achieve the flat look. I’m not exactly sure how this is done but basically you wrap fabric tightly around your chest until the boobies are concealed. A famous undergarment of the Qing Dynasty was the 肚兜 dudou, which was actually unisex. The female only version was called 抹胸 moxiong, 袜肚 wadu or 袜腹 wafu, the latter two are etymologically similar to earlier words for “corset” or “a pair of bodies”. However, unlike what many later 20th century artists would like you to believe, wearing only dudou on the upper body was not legit underwear for grown up women, as it was usually worn in conjunction with breast binders as an extra layer of warmth. It was also worn very tightly around the breasts and waist, not tied loosely like in paintings or period dramas nowadays.

Source here

Dudou diagram.

Shoes

Women began campaigning against bound feet in this period and many drawings depicted women with natural feet. However, if a woman had her feet bound since childhood it’s difficult for them to return to their natural size, so some women who were born in previous decades would still have very small feet, even if they began to reject it at this time. Women’s shoes of Western construction weren’t yet so common so most women wore Chinese style shoes, which were commonly made of fabric and had a slightly upward pointing toe. Women with bound feet would use a long piece of ribbon/cloth to wrap their feet (to maintain the shape) and wear small fabric pumps with a white sole. These could be flat or have a teeny tiny bit of wedge heel, called 弓鞋 gong xie, bow shoes. Women without bound feet would wear normal sized pumps, likewise of fabric, with slightly upward pointing toes and a thick white sole. Embroidery on shoes was a huge thing in the 19th century and before but by the 1890s it started to disappear as well, and shoes in the 1890s were commonly plain. In the 1900s, Western leather shoes were increasingly popularized, but it wasn’t until the early 1910s that this popularity reached its height.

Source here

Foot binding cloth.

Source here

Shoes for bound feet.

Source here

Woman with natural feet wearing Chinese style pumps. Western style knit stockings were becoming popularized in the 1880s for women with natural feet as well.

Some editing afterthoughts

I’ve been looking more into 18th and 19th century Chinese fashion lately and I realized I held some deep rooted misconceptions about the Qing Dynasty. For some reason I always considered the 1870s and 80s look with the elaborate, big robes conservative or backwards, which is really not fair. Chinese women’s fashion was revolutionized in the beginning of the 19th century, going from the flowy, slender robes of the 18th century to stiffer, more structured robes with flared sleeves. Styles also differed dramatically from decade to decade, it’s just not very well studied and there’s a stigma around Qing Dynasty fashion so people don’t get into it as much. Because Han women were allowed to continue wearing Han style clothing into the Qing Dynasty, a lot of 18th century reproduction ensembles nowadays get mistakenly labelled as Ming style hanfu, which really isn’t helping... I was definitely not alone in this though, the perception of Qing Dynasty Han women’s fashion most people nowadays have is: in the first couple years Han women were allowed to wear Ming style hanfu, but then bam the late 19th century look was forced upon everyone. This view is super not nuanced and false on almost every level, but it is extremely widespread and I don’t blame you at all if you also think like this, this was me just two months ago too... A wise woman (I mean Karolina Zebrowska) once said that everything in fashion history happens gradually, which is also extremely true for Chinese fashion history. 

I’ve really started to question what modernity in fashion means because the elaborate 19th century Chinese look that white people back then considered the epitome of conservative Chinese clothing was actually new and exciting in the beginning of the 19th century. I can’t help but wonder if this view that Chinese clothing as of the 1870s and 80s was symbolic of Chinese culture’s “backwardness” and “stagnation” was a product of colonization and white imperialists’ efforts to demonize Chinese society and take things out of context. I would prefer to say that Chinese fashion westernized a lot during the 1890s and 1900s but not necessarily modernized because what is modernity. Fashions change and that is the most normal thing on the planet. 

If you read what white historians or politicians wrote in the late 19th/early 20th century about Chinese fashion or culture (which I highly recommend you don’t, that shit is detrimental to your mental health), it becomes obvious that the majority of them have no clue what Chinese fashion looked like before the 19th century and how we got to what we had in the 19th century in the first place, so they just assumed that Chinese fashion always looked like that and that we haven’t progressed as a culture in hundreds of years lmao. Bullshit pseudo-Darwinism at its finest. Oh or if you look up 18th century European Orientalist paintings depicting imaginary Chinese characters, the clothes they wore and the hairstyles they had were so far off from what actual 18th century Chinese fashion looked like to the point they felt racist and were uncomfortable to look at. I stumbled across so many of them when looking for 18th century Chinese painting and every time I see one it almost gives me a stroke. So I think it’s really important to acknowledge that Han Chinese fashion of the 18th century is a valid field of study.

In my original 1890s post I said that the elaborate embroidery and trimmings started to appear on Han women’s fashion around this time because of Manchu influence, I take that back because I’ve realized it’s a whack claim. I’ll explain it more when I make some posts on the 19th century later.

Reworked part 2 is coming soon as well :)))

[dilfwaynes]

hi!! can i request a hc of the batfam reaction of their eastasian!reader gf  experiencing racism? thank you <33

just a reminder if you took place in any involvement of asian hate block me rn bitch :)

a/n: i hope you enjoyed this anon, i tried to make it accurate without stepping over any boundaries since im not asian myself. if anyone finds any sort of this offensive pls dm me !!

warning ; racism, batfam beating hoes, mention of blood

parings : bruce wayne x asian!reader, jason tood x asian!reader, dick grayson x asian!reader, stephanie brown x asian!reader, tim drake x asian!reader, damian wayne x asian!reader

BRUCE WAYNE:

it’ll honestly take a minute for bruce to realize what happened

when first entering the store he took notice of the man glaring but brushed it off thinking it was directed towards him as bruce wayne

you however didnt really pay attention to the dirty looks being thrown at you

with bruce excusing himself to the restroom and makes a promise of a quick return, you wander around the area by yourself

it was all fine until a man approaches you, giving a fast glance at him before turning away. there was definitely something up with him

“you don’t belong here”

your head shot up at his words, looking around you to make sure he was talking to you

“excuse me?” you lift an eyebrow at him, knowing what he was hinting at

“you fucking heard me, you don’t belong here. go back to your country.”

you inch away as he steps closer,”you better back the fuck away..”

he simply gives a smug face only coming closer,”or what?” you tighten your jaw when he loosely lets out a slur, your fists clenched.

“or i dislocate your arm.”bruce’s voice rings out, deep in anger as his eyes flicker to you and scanning to see if you were ok physically.

the ugly bitch’s face pales when he realizes who’s your boyfriend. without hesitation bruce yanks him away from you, slamming him to the wall

demanding for a first and last name,  squeezing his neck when the guy stays quiet

shaking he gives in and tells, flinching when bruce slams him against the wall one last time before dropping him

“i guaranteed whatever poor status you do contain i’ll tear it completely, say goodbye to your job.” he grabs for your hand and brings you into him as you both walk away.

“i’m sorry i shouldn’t have left you alone, my fault,”he presses a kiss to your temple.”and please don’t think any worth of that garbage’s words.”

you shake your head,”he was just some lowlife, not worth thinking about.” you reply leaning into him.

he looked at you and could tell no matter what those words still hurt somewhat and it angered him to no end

no one deserved to hear that disgusting shit, especially not his girlfriend.

his eyes hardens but doesn’t push further to make you anymore uncomfortable than you probably already are

giving another kiss to the side of your head he makes a quiet promise to himself not to leave you alone anymore in public with disgusting people like that around

jason todd:

as soon as the slur leaves the guy’s lips jason’s fist collides to his jaw, no doubt   shattering it

you and jason were grabbing lunch at some restaurant slash bar since it was the first time in a few days jason was free

everything was okay until you got up to go to the bathroom and some guy bumped into you

jason watched with hardening eyes as you apologize instead of the guy who slammed into you

“watch where the fuck you’re going at.”

you fall shock at the word, staying in place

while jason is on his feet in no time, swinging to the asshole’s face

screams were heard as well as the sound of bones breaking from his fist impact, the guy stumbling to the floor

“you racist fucking prick that’s my girlfriend you ugly fuck,”lifting him by his shirt he grabs his face and turns him to you.”apologize to her before i break your fucking face.”

he quickly rambles apologizes, crying in fear or pain. most likely a mix of both

jaaon lets him go and gives him another punch, this time to the nose. finding satisfaction at the pool of blood now seeping out

jason grabs your hand and starts to lead you outside,”let’s go eat somewhere else and forget about this shithole.”

you barely had time to give a reaction to anything as everything happened so fast

“hey look at me, don’t listen to that worthless fuck and his fucked up mindset. i dont know what to say to comfort you since i never experienced anything like this.” he stops at the car, placing his hands onto your shoulders

you nod sighing lightly, you only wanted a simple lunch with your boyfriend but instead got hate crime for simply  breathing.

“it’s nothing i haven’t gone through before,”he shakes his head blue eyes filling up with rage.

“no one’s gonna be doing that anymore, or at least getting away with it while i’m around

DICK GRAYSON:

he was completely taken by surmise at the slur being thrown at you, as well as the fault of you being the root of the covid 19

but before he had any time to react you were already on your feet glaring,”the fuck you just called me you piece shit.”

before he could reply you already kneed him and punched him between the eyes, dick laughing at the cries of pain

“you want me to take over or you wanna handle it babe?”

even how badly he wanted to beat the shit out of the pos the choice was yours

you denied and wanted to handle this on your own

but everytime the guy tried to get up dick would just shake his head and tell him to stay down, or simply push him back down

eventually if you start going too far richards would pull you away and tell you hes not worth it

he understands your anger but he doesn’t want you to past a line you won’t recover from bc of some worthless grime

“c’mon, he’s not worth anymore of our time. lets go eat pizza.”

DAMIAN WAYNE:

swing first talk later

he’ll just look at guy for a few seconds with a blank face

then he’s literally knocking them out

will probably kick him into the wall or ground

u dont know if you wanna pull him away because you already the tabloids, or if you wanna let him continue to beating the guy

damian probably wouldn’t realize how much he beat the guy to a pulp until you’re tugging him away

nudging his neck with to your nose to try and calm him down

he’ll end the fight with spitting on him tbh

your face reddens with anger when your eyes met the racist bitch, enjoying the view of his blood on the floor

“racist piece of shit,” he hisses before finally turning his back brow still frowning with anger

unlike the others (mentioned) he also knows and experienced racism and understands your point view way more

and know bow to comfort you better tbh

afterwards he’ll talk to you and comfort you, as well as opening up about his racist encounters, as well as his mothers.

if you’re still upset about what happened some hours later he 100% offers to beat up the guy again

you laugh it off cos hes serious about doing detective work, finding the guy and beating him to a pulp

you thank him but deny his offer and settle to confiding into him and just telling him how your feelings

STEPHANIE BROWN:

“are you fucking serious right now bitch?”

steph deadpans staring at the girl who called you the slur with ease, going on about how you were the cause of corona and to go back to your country

shocked at the words, hearing all of this before but it still doesn’t fail everytime you hear them

turning to you and seeing the hurt on your face from the word, she quickly turns to seeing red

without a second thought she grabs the collar of the woman’s shirt

“you’re gonna fucking apologize to my girlfriend right now or i’m gonna slam your face into the floor and break it

you stay still, pleased at watching the girl shake in fear under steph as she chokes out a mesh of a shit rushed apologizes

stephanie throws her down to the ground after her third apologize

“are you okay?” she knew you weren’t but asking the question would lead into the stage of comforting you

you nod but go on to tell her that this isn’t the first or last time this will happen, but it still never fails to shock you

she frowns at your experiences and doesn’t quite know what to do to help since she never went thru anything like that

she offers to take you to your favorite restaurant and end the day in wayne manor watching whatever you wanted

smiling when you accept, pulling you in her and pressing a kiss on-top of your head

“dont worry i’ll beat any jackass that pulls any racist shit.”

TIM DRAKE:

i think he’ll be the less  violent one out of everyone

he would honestly be so disgusted and gross out at humanity and how the woman thinks shes superior just because she’s white

if it was a guy saying what was said, then he would probably hit them ngl

but he takes the higher road with the woman, belittling and ending her with his vocabulary

and you’re pretty sure that his words hurt her more than an actual punch would 

you laugh when he compares her built to a buffalo

he then goes on to a more education lean, explaining how skin tone has nothing to do with a person, and she should adapt to modern times and stop being a racist cunt

after he ends it he goes on to find out who she is and email/call her workplace to inform what kind of employee they have

probably also goes on to make sure she wont be hired anywhere else

comforts you alot and and will get you anything you want

prob gets you both milkshakes as you vent to him about today and other racist things said to you

hates how you have to go thru any of this for simply existing

the  incident opens his eyes and he starts talking to bruce about opening a charity for ‘stop asian hate’

would shy away from the press and say you both came up with the fund

u’ll dismiss that rq and tell everyone it was all tim’s idea

all the money goes people got assaulted and paying for any hospital bills or anything needed

[messrmoonyy]

number 3 from the physical touch list (hiding face in neck) for remadora please :)) (no pressure)

Not me neglecting previous prompts/requests because this one the one I got motivation for.

Prompt from this list.

I used this to do my spin on the aftermath of the Battle of the Seven Potters, Cause I like anxious overprotective Remus🙃😗✌🏻( I also changed like. The entire dialogue from the original scenes because why not ). Think battle of seven potters but add a little ✨spice and drama✨. I went off on a total tangent on this tbh. As I do with every prompt it seems. Anyway. Hope you like it my dear anon.

Pairing: Remus lupin x Nymphadora Tonks

Warnings: none

Check my masterlist for all my other writing!

She was late. Incredibly so. Her and Ron should have been one of the first pairs to arrive at The Burrow, he’d arranged for her to have one of the shortest routes. He’d not told her that of course but he was quite sure she’d known he’d gotten a little too tetchy and secretly spoken to Alastor. But he had a right to be over protective didn’t he? This was was his wife. The woman he had literally, and in every sense of the word, sworn his life to. Sworn his dying breath to protect her, care for her.

Yet he’d let her put herself in danger. He could have tried to persuade Alastor to let him and George go the same route as Dora and Ron, or at least in the similar direction. He knew he had to be focussed on the war effort, knew he had a duty to protect the children. But… he also had a duty to protect her. His wife. His Dora. And now for all he knew Bellatrix could have struck her down, her body lying lifeless in a field somewhere.

He wasn’t a particular calm man at the best of times, his stress had its own stress, but he had never felt worse than he did in that moment. He’d already practically attacked Harry, was in no way of any comfort to George and Molly. Or anyone else.

So he was waiting out of the way by the window, constantly looking up at the sky through the glass and waiting for her to materialise through the burrows guards, come skidding over and laugh at him for being anxious over nothing. But the sky remained clear of her vibrant hair and her joyful laugh. The stars practically mocking him as he waited.

“ she’s a tough one. She’ll be okay “ Kingsley had appeared at his side “ Bill and Fleur, Ron and Tonks. They’ll all be here soon. Stop fretting Remus “ Remus almost laughed at the sheer stupidity of telling him not to fret over her. As if he ever did anything else. He always worried for her safety, had done long before they had even become a couple. Waiting up for her to come home from late shifts at the ministry in the days she’d stay at Grimmauld, worrying about her when she’d turn up with a new bruise or gash from something. Marrying her had simply made him fret more.

He’d never felt so protective of anyone in his life, never thinking he ever would either. Yet here he was, constantly putting her first and wanting to do nothing but take care of her. She never left his mind, was his first priority forever and always. He didn’t even want to think about what he’d do if he ever lost her, if he ever failed to protect her.

“ Bill and Fleur were scheduled to arrive as one of the last. Dora and Ron should have been one of the first pairs here “ he said it slightly more harshly than intended and turned to apologise to his friend immediately after, but as he did there was the sound of something passing through the guards outside.

Remus charged outside, almost tripping over his own gangly limbs as he went. He froze to the spot in a mixture of shock and relief as Doras broom appeared in the sky, the bristles smoking and charred as she made an unsteady decent to the ground. She landed in a long skid,stumbling from the broom and directly into Remus’ arms. She practically fell into him and would have knocked him to the floor if he hadn’t been stiff as a board.

“ Remus “ she gasped, hugging him so tightly it took the air from his lungs. But he didn’t even care, he’d give his last breath if it meant dying with her there in his arms. Because she was alright. She was right. There “ was so worried about you. The death eaters and- fuck I know you’re really no good on a broom and you bloody hate flying at the best of times. Merlins balls I was so scared “ she rambled so fast Remus barely understood what she was saying to him.

His hand slipped into her hair in some attempt to hold her as close as he could, still trying to accept that she was really there. Safe. Alive. He had worried for nothing of course. He should have known. She was tough. So much tougher than he gave her credit for it seemed.

He gently pried her out of his grip slightly, needing to see her face just to make sure it really was her. That he wasn’t dreaming it.

“ where were you “ as had most of his words that evening, it came out a little harsh but she didn’t seem to care. She reached up to cup his face in a soothing manner that was the complete opposite of his previous words to her.

“ Bellatrix. Wants me dead just about as much as Voldy wants Harry. Missed our port key. But I’m fine. Ron’s fine. We’re fine. You’re fine? “ he could feel tears welling in his eyes and he felt a bit stupid, but he couldn’t help it. Words failed him and he simply just nodded and pulled her back into his arms “ fucking deatheaters “ she grumbled.

He pressed his face into the crook of her neck, breathing in her scent and letting it calm him. She smelt like the fresh air, her hair all wind tousled and the slightest hint of smoke. Probably from her charred broom. Her hand rubbed gentle circles into his back and it made him feel… small. Which was funny with how much smaller she actually was compared to him.

“ sweetheart… I’m fine “ she said softly, clearly reading his fear still evident on him “ Remus “

He lifted his head as her hand patted him lightly, but he couldn’t bare to part from her again just yet and his forehead dropped to hers.

“ I’m afraid I underestimated you once again, darling. I knew deep down you’d make it back to me, I’m getting far too old to be worrying like this “ he said with a hint of a smile.

“ oh don’t worry, you won’t get rid of me that easily. Take more than a few of old Voldys mental lackeys to take me out. You’re stuck with me now. Im going no where “ their faces were so close he could feel her cheeks shift as she smiled with her words. Her nose brushed against his before she pressed a kiss to his lips. He usually was rather strict on his avoidance of showing affection to his wife in front of well… anyone really. But he happily kissed her back, even if he did cut it off a little shorter than he truly wanted. Still wondering at the back of his mind if any of the order were secretly judging him. It’d never escape him no matter how hard he tried not to care about it.

As they pulled apart she then only seemed to notice that there was blood on his hands and his jacket. She took a step back, her hands suddenly searching for an injury.

" blood? Remus? " her hands were frantic as she yanked at his collar, pushed up his sleeves, searching for anywhere she could find an injury. He grabbed ahold of her hands and shook her slightly so that she would look at him, it was clearly her time to fret and not his.

" Dora. Dora relax. It's not mine. It's not my blood. George was hit.. don't worry he's alive. He's lost an ear but he's okay. So am I. Not my blood love, it's not mine " she couldn't seem to help herself then and dived for lips again, holding his face in her hands and kissing him harder than before. He still couldn’t help but be a little reluctant but kissed her back, his embarrassment of kissing her in front of others not mattering when they were both just thankful to be alive and with each other.

" I'm just so happy you're alive " she whispered when she pulled back, resting her forehead to his. He opened his mouth to say something else but suddenly she was yanked out of Remus' embrace and shoved away, her clumsy legs stumbling in the gravel and she fell quite ungraciously onto her ass with a grunt of pain. Remus immediately rushed to her side in confusion.

" what the fuck! " she shouted and Remus looked up to see that Kingsley had been the one to pull her away, his wand now pointed at her face.

" Kingsley! Lower your wand! " Remus immediately jumped to her defence, crouching beside her and placing a hand to her shoulder  " Dora are you okay? Dora? "

" someone betrayed us we have to check everyone. You didn't even confirm her identity Lupin, she could have killed you. Look I didn’t mean to knock you down- we have to be certain you understand? "

" are you bloody mental?! " Dora yelled again, rubbing at her elbow that she’d clearly hurt on the way down.

" Kingsley... lower your wand she got Ron back safetly it's quite clearly- "

" we have to check " Kingsley said cutting off Molly, who had come outside with the commotion. Remus helped her back to her feet and then grabbed her hand, stepping in between her and kingsleys raised wand.

" lower. Your. wand. " his voice was commanding as he could muster, Kingsley was his friend. But Dora was his wife. And she came first. And he would put himself between her and a raised wand any and every time. No matter who was on the other end of it.

" Nymphadora Tonks gave me a present for my birthday last year. What was it?" Kingsley asked, ignoring Remus entirely, his wand still pointed at her as she was half hid behind Remus’ body.

" this is ridiculous! We're all turning on each other now? "

" answer the question " Kingsley ignored Remus again, which only made his blood boil more. He was already on edge that evening with the fear of losing his wife. This wasn’t helping to lower his stress levels.

" I know my own damned wife- "

" what was it! " Remus drew his own wand then at the increase in Kingsleys anger, pointing it in Kingsleys direction.

" Remus! "

" lower. Your wand. And step away from my wife " he demanded, not wanting to hurt Kingsley… but willing to if he had to.

" you don't even know if that is your wife"

" please! Stop the both of you! " Molly shouted.

" fucking hell " Dora said and held onto Remus hand harder, stepping better into view " I gave you a new set of quills because I charmed your last lot to throw them self out the window whenever you touched them. Happy? " Kingsley was quiet for a moment longer " now drop your wands. Both of you " Kingsley looked to Remus before finally lowering his wand. But Remus couldn’t. He felt betrayed almost, that someone he thought as a friend would do something like threaten the woman he loved.

Dora pressed gently on Remus' wrist to make him too lower his wand when he didn’t do it if his accord immediately " Remus. Lower your wand...Remus “

" this is exactly what Voldemort would want. To see us all turning on each other. We cannot let ourselves get paranoid like this " Remus said bitterly, wrapping an arm around his wife protectively and finally dropping his wand arm. He knew that Kingsley has been right to check in a way. He had needed to check. Though there were much better ways to go about it rather than pointing a wand at her head. To hold a wand to a witch or wizard was one of the most disrespectful things you could do.

" someone betrayed us "

" Dora and I are never out of each other's sight long enough for anyone to have made a switch or have her as their spy. And you know that. How dare you hold a wand to her head. How dare you " Remus was itching for an argument. And Dora could sense it, also so incredibly good at reading his emotions and thoughts before even he was.

" Remus " she said softly, lifting a hand to gently turn his face to look at her instead of glaring at Kingsley " Remus look at me " she ran her hand gently through his hair and he instantly seemed to relax. His own muscles losing tension without his consent at her touch. She had a knack at being one of the only people to get him to the calm down in almost an instant. Sirius and James had been the only other people he knew that could " relax. It's okay " she transported them into their own little bubble. As if the others were no longer in the burrow too and she kept him there, gently rubbing at his hand until his first unclenched and angry breaths returned to normal.

[blitheringmcgonagall]

My Gallant Lad - Part IV

So I got a wonderful anon telling me that this is their favourite Lily Rescues James fic, it’s part of my finished canon marauders fic We Can Be Heroes. But, because it works as a stand alone story, I posted it here in four parts. I hope you enjoy it! Set during the first wizarding war, Lily is very BAMF (but tbh so is James)

TW: angsty and violence

Part I here: After their worst row ever, Lily and James get captured by Voldemort...

Part II here: James tries to save Lily

Part III here: Lily tries to save James

PART IV

(PS this is not pro- Snape at all, quite the opposite, for this to make sense you’ll have to read the other parts, lol!)

Mulciber swallowed.

“Now help me lift Potter, and for fuck’s sake be careful, he’s perilously close to death as it is!” Snape said.

He was so angry his body was shaking in agitation.

Mulciber lifted James’ body as though it were made of glass.

                                       ***

“I’ll take it from here,” Snape ordered.

They were standing underneath the main door of the castle, which led into the courtyard.

“I thought we were bringing Potter and his vile mudblood to the Dark Lord?” Mulciber said, frowning suspiciously.

“Change of plan, Mulciber,” Snape said matter-of-factly. “I want to try and get Evans to talk, that way if Potter snuffs it, we won’t risk being beheaded by him.”

“What do you mean?” Mulciber looked at him in bewilderment. “If you attack Evans and manage to injure her also, we’re doubly fucked!”

“I won’t fuck it up, unlike you dithering idiots I actually know what I’m doing!” Snape says angrily.

Mulciber stared hard at him.

“Are you sure you’re Snape?” he said, narrowing his eyes and reaching for his wand. “You’re acting strangely and I-“

“He’s Snape all right, but under the Imperius Curse,” Lily interjected. “Expelliarmus!”

Mulciber’s wand flew into Lily’s outstretched hand.

“You?” Mulciber seethed. “How in Morgana’s hell did you manage to Imperio him? Last I heard you were wailing painfully awful songs from your cell, giving us all a headache! I thought you’d given up!”

“The great Gaels of Ireland are the men that God made mad, for all their wars are merry, and all their songs are sad,” Lily shrugged. “You just hadn’t experienced the merry part yet!”

“You’re not a man,” Mulciber sneered.

“Ha!” Lily’s face broke into a harsh smile. “What Chesterton didn’t say about Irish women is that when they’re angry, all their wars are won!”

Mulciber stared at her sullenly.

“Not my fault that you consistently underestimate me, Mulciber!” Lily shot back. “You think you’d have learnt by now!”

Mulciber’s face looked like curdled milk.

“Too late,” Lily said. “Obliviate!”

Mulciber’s expression changed slowly to one of utter confusion as he looked between Lily, James and Snape. He hadn’t even seen the spell hit him.

“What happened to him?” he said, scratching behind his ear and staring at James’ body. “Where’s your Head Girl badge? Your uniform?”

“Quidditch injury,” Lily said flatly. “Vicious Slytherin tactics. One hundred points from your House, now back to your common room before I have you expelled!”

“Whaat?” Mulciber said, looking utterly bewildered.

“I’m counting till ten. Ten… nine… eight…” Lily said.

Mulciber stumbled and turned immediately, muttering incoherent protests.

“Not bad, Lily Evans,” Snape whispered with a vicious grin. “Not bad at all.”

                                                  ***

“Outside! Now!” Snape ordered.

Lily Evans remained silent as she walked outside at a steady pace, Snape following her and dragging James Potter’s body along the ancient flagstones.

“Now, it seems that nothing will persuade Dumbledore’s man to reveal what has happened to the Dark Lord’s precious treasure, a book Dumbledore’s men stole! Potter nearly died refusing to tell us. I’m ordering you to tell me, or I’ll make you kill your own husband!” he called out.

“No, I won’t tell you anything,” Lily said with effort.

“Wow! That’s dope!” Villiers whispered loudly to Wilkes.

The two men were sitting on the battlements having a smoke and peering down with interest at the scene unfolding below them.

“Look what Snape is up to! I never thought he was into that shit!” Wilkes replied. “He usually lets us handle that kind of stuff, says it’s boring!”

They looked at each other and grinned.

“Massive!” Villiers giggled, bumping fists with Wilkes.

Snape picked up his wand.

“Last chance, Miss. Evans,” he said, dragging James closer to the middle of the courtyard.

He was holding two other wands in his hand.

“What is going on here?”

Snape whirled around.

Voldemort was standing at the castle gate, and with him Evan Rosier. Voldemort’s wand was pointed at him.

“I am quite simply trying to establish the whereabouts of your missing book, my Lord,” Snape said. “I thought this might work.”

“Rosier here tells me you have been acting exceedingly strange,” Voldemort’s voice was icy. “He thinks you may be under the Imperius Curse.”

“Rosier is neither observant nor intelligent, my Lord,” Snape said stiffly.

“Be that as it may, Severus, you are not yourself, you would not usually dare speak to me with this much courage,” Voldemort replied, stepping forwards.

“My Lord?” Severus replied.

“Let us see what happens, shall we?” Voldemort said, whirling around at the last minute and pointing his wand at Lily.

“Stupefy!” Voldemort said with a lazy swish of his wand.

Lily Evans crumpled to the ground. Snape stood motionless, as though unsure what to do.

“Ah, the spell fades, I see. I had hoped you would not be so easily overcome by it. You disappoint me, Severus, I thought you were stronger than that. I thought you knew the mudblood well enough to watch out for any tricks she might play? Or were you too enticed by her beauty to focus on doing your job properly?” Voldemort spat out. “You shall pay for this mistake! And the object of your affections will most definitely pay.”

“I’m afraid I underestimated the mudblood,” Snape said, with a condescending smirk at the Dark Lord. “I don’t know her as well as I thought I did. She should perhaps have been sorted into Slytherin. It appears that Lily Evans is a devious little bitch!”

Startling emerald eyes glared at Voldemort from Snape’s face. As the wheels in Voldemort’s mind whirled, Snape removed a leather bracelet from his wrist and tapped it, revealing a large glittering brass key.

“Póg mo thóin, Riddle!” he said, flicking the V at Voldemort (who looked momentarily stunned) as he grabbed hold of James’ arm and apparated into thin air.

“I don’t get it,” Rosier said, looking at Voldemort and rubbing his forehead as though in pain. “Was that Snape? No, hang on.. what was..?”

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” roared Voldemort, raising his head as his blood-curdling screams carried over the courtyard and into the surrounding forest.

He kicked out viciously at Rosier’s leg sending him hopping around in circles howling with pain. A family of carrion crows, disturbed by the commotion, flapped and squawked upwards from the turrets and battlements.

“Which one of you is the imbecile who allowed Lily Evans to escape?” he screamed at Rosier. “Why did none of you stop her?”

Villiers and Wilkes ducked down behind the walls of the battlements, grimacing.

A splash of white bird dropping landed on Voldemort’s nose. Rosier stared at him.

“You have some…” he said, pointing to Voldemort’s face. “Just there?”

Voldemort looked ready to kill him.

“If you don’t permanently dispose of this group of crows by Salazar’s soul, I will feed you to them myself!” he shouted wildly, waving his wand at Rosier, and rubbing his face furiously with the back of his sleeve.

“A murder of crows, not a group, but whatever,” Rosier muttered to himself, looking peeved, as he aimed Avada Kedavras at the screeching birds.

Voldemort walked over to the body of Lily Evans and stared at the darkening hair and sallower skin, Snape’s eyes looking up at him.

“Legilimens!” he intoned.

The memory was tampered with, powerfully, so that he was unable to see some of the earlier incidents, but he could see the conversation between “Snape” and Avery, Fuck Voldemort, I hate that bastard! Avery running off to hide from him. Seething with rage, he grabbed Rosier’s arm and touched his dark mark.

He watched as all his followers apparated around him, all except Snape who lay half-stunned on the ground, and Hugo Avery.

“Find Avery, bring him to me, now, or you all die!” he hissed, the red veins in his sclera protruding menacingly. “Nooooowwwww!!!!”

                                                  ***

 “I don’t know what happened,” Frank said, his croaky voice difficult to understand in between coughing fits.

“He needs to come with me to the Infirmatory,” Poppy interrupted, looking at Dumbledore and pointing towards the door.

Frank continued coughing and shook his head forcefully.

“We were ambushed… they were waiting for us… they wanted to get Black and Lupin,” he wheezed. “They got Lily and James… I wanted to create a diversion but before I could move, one of them released noxious fumes, no doubt to catch any other Order members, I was knocked out cold… I fell backwards and the thicket hid me from sight… woke up freezing cold a short while ago… I couldn’t find any trace of them whatsoever. I only got back just as Lily apparated here with James, he looks bad.”

The ancient double door burst open as he spoke, and Sirius Black stormed inside, his black jeans soaking wet, his leather jacket still in his hands, closely followed by a haggard-looking Remus Lupin.

“We came as soon as we got your owl. Where are they?” he roared, going straight up to Frank and grabbing hold of his collar urgently. “Where the fuck are they? Tell me!”

Remus found himself unable to utter a single word.

                                                     ***

The door of the Infirmary flew open, Sirius breathless as though he had just sprinted up five flights of stairs (which he had). He looked at Lily and seeing the pain and fear in her eyes, he forced himself to look at James lying unconscious in the bed behind her - it didn’t look like his brother, the bruised and battered body covered in what he immediately recognised as myriad curses, his usually tanned skin a deathly pale colour. He looked already dead. He looked back at Lily, the darkness under her eyes, her quivering lips.

“Lily,” he tried to say her name but no words came out, caught in his throat.

“I know, sweetie,” Lily’s voice a hoarse whisper.

Then they flung their arms around each other, gripping on for dear life. Sirius felt her chest heave and held her even closer as her quiet sobs filled the silent room, shattering his heart.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered back, his breath still caught inside his chest, trapped.

What could he say, hearing her heartbroken sounds?

“We won’t... we shan’t let him die,” he managed to say eventually, shutting his eyes tightly to stop himself breaking down. He moved to take both her hands in his own, looking down at her with tears in his eyes.

He didn’t even know was he trying to comfort her or was he trying to comfort himself.

“I… I used an Unforgivable, Sirius,” Lily said eventually, keeping her head down.

“I would have sprained my wrist throwing Unforgivables at the bastards!” Sirius said. “I wish I could have done it for you.”

He had badness in him already, let him hold it for all of them.

It should have been him. He should have been there instead of James, instead of Lily.

“I’m glad you didn’t,” Lily’s voice shook. “I did it to save James… it felt wrong, Sirius, it is wrong and disgusting, but I know I’d do it again to save him. Am I a bad person, Sirius? I.. I saw what they did to him, I wanted them all dead… I thought about it... I wanted to. I don’t want to become like them, Sirius, but I wanted to kill them, so badly!”

“Lily, you didn’t kill them. You could have tried to, but you didn’t. You saved James. Merlin, you saved my brother, the only brother I have left, I can never thank you enough,” Sirius’ voice broke.

He wondered what he would have done in her place.

“It was Snape, he wanted to save me, but I had to find James, I couldn’t… he hurt James, I hate him for it,” Lily said desperately, squeezing Sirius’ arms.

“Fuck that creepy bastard!” Sirius said.

“What if Voldemort kills him? What if he dies? It will be my fault!” Lily whispered. “I hate him so much, but I don’t want to get him killed. I wouldn’t care if he died in battle, not now, not after everything he’s done to James! But being tortured and killed for trying to save me? I don’t want that, am I mad?”

“You had to,“ Sirius said, gripping her tightly. “You had to try to save James. You couldn’t leave with Snape, you know that would have been wrong! You are not to blame for anything Voldemort does!”

“I need James too, Sirius, he doesn’t see that, he thought I could manage without him, he’s so stupid, such a stupid, darling, beautiful man,” Lily stopped, her hand over her mouth.

“He can’t die, Poppy won’t let him die,” Sirius whispered back.

Lily nodded, still crying. He saw her sway and grabbed hold of her shoulders.

“Merlin Lily,” he said anxiously. “Sit down immediately! Are you alright? Are you hurt? Do you need Poppy? Will I get-“

“ No, please, Sirius, I didn’t get hurt, James-“ she stopped, unable to continue, and bringing her hand up to her mouth again.

He didn’t think he could handle hearing what had happened.

“Hush, Lily, you’re both safe now,” he heard himself say.

“He... I couldn’t... I tried...” she said. She closed her eyes and swayed again, sitting down suddenly and placing her head between her knees.

“I need some water, and something to eat,” she said, sounding suddenly anxious as her almond shaped clear eyes searched Sirius’ for reassurance.

“I... Merlin, yes of course, Darling, let me get that for you!” Sirius said, relief blossoming at some small task he could do to help. “Do you want a firewhisky instead?”

“No! I can’t drink now I’m ... I’m a bit dehydrated Sirius, I better stick to the water,” Lily said, placing her hand over her lower abdomen in a protective gesture.

“Yes of course,” Sirius said feverishly, throwing his leather jacket on.

“I’ll get it,” Dearborn was standing in the doorway looking at Lily uncomfortably.

“Lily, I know you already had a debriefing with Professor Dumbledore, but he was wondering if you wouldn’t mind answering a few more-“ he continued.

“No!”

Both Lily and Sirius spoke at once.

“Not now, my husband needs me here, Dumbledore can wait,” Lily said, staring at Dearborn with a hostile expression as she swiped at her red eyes furiously.

“Tell him to go fuck himself,” Sirius growled.

Dearborn nodded, recognising defeat.

“You get some food and water for Lily, Caradoc, I’ll tell Dumbledore,” Remus said. Remus stood quietly behind Dearborn, a grim look, no obvious emotions displayed on his tired face.

“Righto,” Dearborn nodded reluctantly.

“Hurry up,” Remus ordered. “We don’t want Poppy to end up with another patient.”

“Righto,” Dearborn said, looking relieved to have an excuse to leave.

                                                      *** “You wanted to speak with me, Mr. Lupin?” Dumbledore said, gesturing vaguely towards the chair in front of him.

Remus sat down. The silence made him nervous.

“You feel guilty for swapping your week on call with the Potters. You want to make sure that your friends are protected from danger as much as possible from now on?”

Remus felt his cheeks flush. He nodded, feeling even worse.

“Good,” Dumbledore said. “I can see why you’d think that way.”

Remus swallowed. Dumbledore blamed him too? He wanted to crawl under the floorboards never to re-emerge.

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly, looking down, unable to meet the Professor’s gaze. “I should have stayed…”

“That’s quite alright, Remus, these things happen, and we have to learn from them,” Dumbledore said.

Remus felt himself slide further down the chair. He wanted to cry. It reminded him of The Prank at the end of Fifth Year. It should have been him. He should have insisted Sirius go with someone else. He felt personally responsible for what had happened, and if James died because of him… if James died…

“What can I do, Sir?” Remus whispered hoarsely. “Tell me there is something I can do to help!”

He looked up and caught Dumbledore looking at him keenly, with an astute gaze.

“Of course there is something you can do to help, Remus,” Dumbledore said, steepling his hands together. “It will be dangerous though, the most dangerous mission I have ever given any member of the Order.”

Remus nodded dumbly.

“It is also top secret. You must not discuss this information with a single soul,” Dumbledore said, his blue eyes assessing Remus coolly. “Not the Marauders, not Lily Potter, especially not Sirius Black. Understood?”

“Yes, Sir,” Remus said, sitting up straighter. “You can trust me.”

“I hope so, Remus,” Dumbledore said. “Most people wouldn’t.”

Remus froze, taken aback.

“I…” he stuttered.

“Luckily for you, I am not most people, Mr. Lupin,” Dumbledore smiled pleasantly. “Lemon sherbet?”

Somewhere in the back of Remus’ mind the words you bastard and what the fuck presented themselves as appropriate responses.

He declined politely.

“I have a singularly important and quite unusual mission, and it seems to me that you are the perfect candidate to volunteer for it,” Dumbledore said, sucking loudly on the muggle sweet and leaning back into his chair.

Somehow the wizard’s eyes seemed beadier in this light. Remus waited.

“I will of course understand if you turn down this opportunity, Remus, that you may be too frightened to go,” Dumbledore said. “Other Order members may be more-“

Remus’ jaw tightened. The words you bastard and what the fuck once more presented themselves as appropriate responses.

“Other Order members have no idea how little I fear most things,” Remus said, his eyes narrowing.

“Yes, of course, Remus, I am well aware that compared to most-“ Dumbledore said, with a placating raise of his palms.

“What mission?” Remus asked.

“A mission to infiltrate Fenrir Greyback’s werewolf pack. I am aware you have already made his acquaintance,” Dumbledore said. “To see if they can be persuaded to abandon their leader and join our side in the war. And to spy on them, at any rate.”

Remus felt a cold shiver of dread run down his spine. His old Headmaster couldn’t be serious, surely. That was a hopeless mission, a pointless waste of life, a …

Greyback…

An ear-splitting scream of terror, his own. Rabid eyes. Massive yellow canines lunging towards him, saliva dripping off them. Laughter and howling.

“Tell your Daddy I said hello!”

A tearing sensation as huge teeth sank into his hip. Another ear-splitting scream, this time of pain…

He felt his hands tremble and gripped the edges of the armchair in agitation.

“If you’d rather not, I am sure I can persuade another member of the Order to pretend to be a werewolf. With some clever Transfiguration spells, which many of our members are particularly gifted at, especially your own friends-“ Dumbledore said.

“No!” Remus said, standing up suddenly and staring hard at the other man, his breathing erratic. “Merlin no! You have no idea…”

His voice trailed off again, his heart hammering wildly against his ribcage.

“So, Mr. Lupin, you don’t feel you can bring yourself to-“ Dumbledore said.

“No!” Remus practically shouted. “I’ll do it! Don’t even think about asking anyone else… I’ll do it, alright?”

“I see,” Dumbledore smiled kindly again. “My deepest apologies Remus, how very brave of you. I should never have doubted you.”

Remus bit the side of his lip. This was akin to agreeing to a suicide mission. Any sane individual would have refused to accept the offer. But surely Dumbledore had guessed he would never allow any of his friends or colleagues to go instead of him, to risk being turned? The bastard must have known all along. Yet he owed so much to this old man, this powerful wizard, the one they were all relying on to beat Voldemort and to win this war. The one who had given him a chance. Who had risked his reputation by allowing him into Hogwarts. Who had not expelled him after the disastrous Prank in Fifth Year. Maybe he was being unkind and unfair to the man. Perhaps this mission was genuinely important?

“No need to apologise, Sir,” Remus said with a small smile, extending his hand out.

“Thank you, Remus,” Dumbledore said, shaking his hand warmly. “I do appreciate your help in this war. I shall contact you shortly with more information about this entire affair. Please remember to keep this top secret.”

“Yes, Sir,” said Remus.

                                           ***

He opened the door quietly. The room was dimly lit by the fire and the large candles on either side of the infirmary bed. James looked the same, somewhere between life and death. Lily was sitting on a chair, her head lying on the bed beside him, still fully clothed, the dark shadows under her eyes more pronounced in this light. She was holding James’ hand. Sirius was nowhere to be seen, but at the foot of the bed, on top of the carefully folded blankets lay Padfoot. He was whimpering in his sleep. The shaggy dog opened his eyes briefly, fixing Remus with his mournful grey eyes.

“Sleep, Padfoot,” Remus said quietly. “I’ll stay up. I’ll call Poppy if there’s any change. There’s nothing more we can do.”

Padfoot yelped quietly, turning to look at Lily and James and then looked back at Remus and whined. He was looking at Remus accusingly. Where had he disappeared off to, why hadn’t he comforted Lily? Did he not care?

“I’m sorry,” Remus said.

It sounded curt. Inadequate.

What more could he say?

Padfoot whined once again, dropping his head into his paws, looking dejected. Remus sat on the ground, his head in his hands. He could go over, talk to Sirius, but his boyfriend always knew if he was hiding anything from him, and he was too tired to make up an excuse for what had just happened. Too tired, too traumatised, too selfish…

He stayed where he was.

Padfoot slept fitfully, beset by nightmares. Remus did not sleep a wink. He did not allow himself to sleep. The fear of nightmares kept him awake, as though he were four years old again. Besides, he did not deserve to sleep.

                                          ***

PS Póg mo thóin - kiss my ass in Irish

PS To find out if James is okay, and if Lily is in fact pregnant and if yes, what happens next etc, I’m afraid you’ll have to keep reading  We Can Be Heroes. If you just want to read on, it’s from Chapter 45.

 If you want, I can post more stand alones (Harry’s birth? the Jily engagement? Jily Wedding? Wolfstar first kiss etc??or the next part but it just leads into more stuff!)

[atopearth]

Collar X Malice: Unlimited Part 7 - Adonis Route

Honestly, I find the way Ichika joined Zero's side to be pretty iffy even back then in the original game, so I kinda hoped something like Kazuki dying would have changed here but I guess not.. I feel sorry for Kazuki that they reconciled but she still ended up joining Adonis alongside Akito, it must be a pretty big shock having to deal with that. (EDIT: guess he is gone..) Ichika being at the top and training people in marksmanship and stuff is very interesting lol. She looks all right with short hair but yeah, I agree with Zero, I liked the long hair more. Anyway, Zero wants her to find out if there's a traitor amongst them before the next X-Day (since the one 2 years ago failed) in 30 days. Anyway, it seems like you go through each of the Adonis' executors' stories so that's interesting. I'm just going to go from the ones I least like to the ones I like the most haha, and then leave Mikuni for last I guess. Well, Hana's story first then~

Kobayashi Hana

I guess Hana is as bright as ever. I quite enjoy seeing her try and dress Ichika up and make her cuter lol. On the other hand, seeing her mercilessly cut through that panda cake was pretty hilarious. One thing I enjoyed insight into was hearing that Hana has been avoiding going to Isshiki's concerts to avoid causing any trouble to them with the police just in case they come to crash it because of her or something. Honestly, I was pretty impressed. Like, she's always been pretty selfish, and she's always prioritised her love for Isshiki above everything, but to see that she could stop herself to protect him was nice in its own way. Even though she's a pretty ruthless killer, and even though she's obsessed with Isshiki, I guess she does think things through a bit so that Isshiki won't ever have to suffer because of her. Hmm Ichika seemed to reminisce about Kazuki, does that mean he died? Anyway, these investigations are short? Are they really just segments of story for Ichika to become friends with each person? Lol. I mean, Ichika literally did nothing but talk about random stuff with Hana lol. I actually find it rather endearing that Hana and Ichika can fight so openly about their feelings and understand that they actually do want the best for each other, it's kinda nice how they became good friends under such circumstances.

Soda Manabu

Honestly, I kinda wish we could just pick one character and continue until the investigation completes because it's sooo annoying having to press on each one like 7 times just to get a couple of lines of story each time Zzz. Anyway, gotta admit Ichika is pretty judgmental towards Soda, and actively tries to "fix" him and thinks what he does is "wrong", which is pretty annoying tbh. Just because she doesn't understand games, she thinks it's useless to Adonis, and then judges him for his eating habits? Lol. Anyway, at least she tried playing his game though lol, and even got lessons from him haha. I see, I can understand why Ichika would go to Zero for "revenge" but not sure about the "sadness" thing if that's what she's going for tbh. Losing Yanagi, Enomoto, Shiraishi, Okazaki and Kazuki is a big hit and I can understand it shattering her world, but going to Adonis is basically breeding everything that killed everyone important to her. Anyway, Sasazuka's pained voice telling Ichika not to go to Adonis really hurt. I'm sure he's really hurting over the fact he didn't notice the weapons that ended up killing everyone, alongside survivor's guilt of being the only one who survived out of the group, and then now not even being able to stop Ichika from going over to the other side.. It's painful to see. Anyway, lmao, Soda is probably a tamer little brother than Kazuki. His words are harsh but you can tell he only talks like that to protect himself, so any time he swears, I don't bother taking him seriously, he's a hurt little kid. It's cute how Ichika mixed his hated eggplants into the gratin and he didn't even notice, but he ate the whole thing happily🤣 He's so adorable lmao, especially when his face went red and he told her he'd eat her stuff again (even though she shouldn't hear it), and then he ran off🤣

It seems like Soda regrets his actions much more than I initially thought. He was able to get revenge, but now he's even more scared of death because of what he had done, and now he's just in this never-ending cycle of fear, needing to have Zero's power to protect himself, doing his bidding so that he won't die, but at the same time being so scared of his life that the only time he probably feels "safe" is when he plays his games. I love how happy he was when Ichika gave him a SS tier rare item and he put it on, locked it and kept it in a special box🤣 That's so cuteee. Definitely enjoyed Soda's mini part more than I thought hahaha, he's such a cute little kid, which makes it kinda sad lol. Soda blowing up and getting mad at Ichika for playing solo and saying she didn't need connections when she made him realise he wanted to start building connections because of her was really...heartwarming. Soda gave up on people and a lot of things thinking that he could never have them because that's how it was considering how people are, but he changed his mind after Ichika so insistently barged into his life, and now to say that it's practically useless would be extremely hurtful to him. I was really impressed with Soda, and I'm happy that he even told Ichika that she can rely on him more, he's such a sweet boy🥲

Uno Suzune

Lmaooo poor Shion, the woes of a big brother. I found it hilarious how Suzune would give him the green peas she doesn't like even though Shion hates them too, definitely something siblings would do🥲 I superrrr agree with Suzune about handwriting diaries instead of writing a blog! I mean, I have both obviously, but I definitely have different feelings when I read my blog and when I read my writing in my diary. Through my blog, I can easily read my exact thoughts and get to the gist of what I'm talking about, but with my diary, I can see stuff like when I started getting tired of writing, when I felt like changing my pen, and a lot of other feelings that can't be seen or portrayed properly in a typed blog, and yes, the memories of me writing all this usually comes back better when I've written it, mainly because I either say it in the entry or because I can actually remember sitting there and putting time into writing about my life/day.

Guess Suzune's pretty yandere for her brother if any kind of possible romantic interest from Ichika gets her other self to come out and threaten her about it lol. Anyway, it's cute how she’s starting to kinda think of Ichika as a big sister. Suzune willingly taking Ichika to Shion and calling Ichika Chi-chan is probably the biggest improvement you can get considering she could stab you as the worst case hahha. Well, Suzune was definitely cuter than I thought and seeing her so vulnerable, shy but wanting to protect Shion and getting out of her shell for him was sweet. Are there endings for each executor? Well, anyway, Suzune saying she would be sad if anything happened to Ichika was really sweet.

Sugawara Rika

Lmao, I forgot Sugawara is obsessed with Zero, this is going to be fun I guess. It's kinda funny that getting a 50,000 yen strawberry entices her lol, I'm surprised Zero approved it as an expense, like dang, can I have one too, I'm curious lol. Lmao when Sugawara wanted to keep the strawberries as a memento instead of eating it😂 She should have been convinced when Ichika said it'll become a part of her hahahah. LOL when Sugawara started lecturing Ichika about dressing better in front of Zero, and then tried to get her makeup to make her look better, but then Ichika runs away😂

Okay, I loved the girls dress up night with Hana, Ichika and Sugawara. It was so funny how they started arguing about what Ichika should wear and then became fast enough friends to recommend each other stuff and then wear it for fun. I loveee that they had a CG for their new outfits because they're all so pretty, I love them! I think Hana's is my favourite because it's so simple but cute in a different way from her usual. I guess it's kinda cute how in Hana's investigation, Hana focuses on Ichika's clothing fashion, but Sugawara takes it further or I guess mainly focuses on skincare, makeup and haircare haha. I guess it's nice that Sugawara is definitely much more open about standing up for herself and other women when it comes to men who try to objectify them or think of them as "lesser". She's become stronger. I think it's kinda sad to see that amongst all the other happy mini endings with the other executors, Rika's one with Ichika is actually pretty sad because it was through them bonding that Rika noticed Ichika's true intentions of revenge, and that's why they can never truly see eye-to-eye and be friends.

Ogata Tomoki

I guess I didn't expect Ogata to be the type to go to batting cages, but I even more didn't expect him to reserve sweets to make sure he can get them hahaha! It's nice that he enjoys wagashi though, I definitely should have tried it when I went to Japan, but I completely forgot😭 Aww, Ogata had such a sweet daughter! Whenever his wife wasn't looking, she would eat his hated tomatoes for him! Such a kind kid😭 I've never heard of monaka before, so I googled it and they look nice!! Kinda like an ice cream sandwich but not with ice cream and has red bean paste and other stuff inside I guess? I would totally eat it. Lmaoo at Ichika's impression of the typical salaryman😂😂 It's true though, I can't imagine Ogata going home to watch comedy shows with a beer in his hand🤣 Aww it was so cute how Ogata did an impersonation of a character in a drama because he got so used to doing it for his daughter. But lmao at Ichika though, telling him what he can improve on since Adonis might have end of the year parties he could use it for, imagine a bunch of terrorists partying for something so normal like the end of the year hahah😂😂

It's actually really sad how Ogata feels like he can't be a father anymore because he knows that he prioritises his current ideals and dreams more than his daughter. And I guess considering how long they've been separated and how much he has changed, it would probably feel awkward to try and be a normal father, but I guess at least through Ichika's encouragement, he's willing to try and reply to his daughter's letter of wanting to meet him. I think the reason why I've always liked Ogata is because he doesn't regret his actions. Like, he knows that he's killed people and that's why he doesn't want to see his family and get them involved with what he's doing right now, because he knows the gravity of his actions. But at the same time, his hatred for Fujii, the police and the whole mistaken arrest that led to such injustice for him and changed his whole perspective on life is something he can't let go of, and that's why it led him to Adonis and to fulfill his "new" ideals. He knows it's a path that will not necessarily have a "good ending" but he's willing to sacrifice everything for it, and I think that's what makes me attracted to his character. Anyway, LMAO at how insistent Ichika was on seeing young Ogata with a buzzcut playing baseball, absolutely hilarious when she was ready to tie him up with a rope and search his room😂😂 It's pretty sad to see that Ogata wanted to be like Isshiki and save people with his justice without faltering in this cruel world but he just wasn't able to do it because hatred was what fuelled him to move forward and not forgiveness or hope. But I'm glad he encouraged Ichika to listen to Isshiki's song and hear Kazuki's guitar, because seeing Ichika show her emotions again, even if just a little bit was nice...

Uno Shion

Aww, it's cute how much Shion cares about Suzune, but also so cute how he's embarrassed to say he likes chocolate🤣 It's nice that he's more cooperative than Suzune I guess hahaha. I never expected Shion to like to paint though, that's interesting. Anyway, it's pretty sad to think that the "outside world" was much more unforgiving to the Uno siblings, and that it was only after they joined this terrorist organisation did they get to feel safe and secure that they have shelter and food without people going crazy on them. In that sense, it's understandable how much more comfortable Adonis would be for them. Aww Shion and Suzune getting excited over a chocolate cake is so adorable. Them saving up to buy a home for themselves is so heartwarming, it makes me really want to cheer for them. I'm dying from how cute they are trying to feed Ichika the chocolate cake too because they really like her and think she's really kind like their mother was before. Shion buying a cheese tart for both Ichika and Suzune was sweet, she's like a part of his thought process when buying stuff for his sister hahaha. Lol when he just shoved it into her mouth instead of giving it to her like a normal person🤣 Lmaoo when Shion drew a portrait of Ichika stuffing herself with cheese tart🤣 To think that Shion was so serious about drawing that he's actually thinking about a future with it after the X-Day stuff..it’s so endearing.

Sera Akito

It must be difficult for both Akito and Ichika to talk to each other. Just seeing each other's faces would make them remember the past and compare it to the present, making their whole encounter just...painful to watch. It's so like Akito to hide that he dislikes shiitake mushrooms so that it wouldn't inconvenience Ichika and make her remove it from the cooking menu. Lmaooo at Akito being so scared of bugs, enough that Ichika has to call cockroaches dark fairies to make him feel more at ease🤣 I'm sure Akito must be hurting too, but his consideration for Ichika above himself really makes my heart feel so warm. Awww, my heart swooned when Akito said his ideal type was Ichika! If only there was an Akito route~ Anyway, I didn't expect Akito and Soda to really interact but lmaoo at Soda having spent millions of yen on in-game stuff, Soda is right though, gacha rates are cruel😭😭 Aww, it was so cute how honest Soda was about wanting to have defeated the boss with Akito instead of dumping him and killing it himself, since what Soda values is playing together with other people. So, Kazuki was stabbed by a guy who was influenced by Adonis into taking revenge against his bullies or something, and I guess Kazuki was killed when he tried to step in? Honestly, I feel terrible for Akito. He was already feeling doubts and guilt over getting revenge for his sister, but after experiencing Kazuki's death, he must hate his choice for joining Adonis even more than before. It honestly broke my heart to see Akito break down like that not knowing how he could atone for his sins in causing Kazuki's death. His heartwrenching screams really cut me and made me tear up from all the pain Akito must have been bottling up all this time. Akito will always be my favourite side character, I think his pain, his feelings and his emotions were portrayed so well.

Sanjo Keisuke

Aww, Sanjo's favourite food being ramen is very him, kinda hahaha. I can't imagine a 7kg bowl of ramen and having to finish that in 30 minutes😱 On the other hand, Sanjo being into arcades is kinda unexpected, lmaooo at Ichika thinking he would play the crane games😂 I didn't think about the fact that Ichika is a former cop just like him now, I wonder how he feels about that or whether he even cares😅 Lmao at Sanjo seriously answering Ichika what his type of woman is and then even describing the body shape with sound effects😂 I can't believe Ichika just tickled Sanjo and made him laugh like crazy, I would have liked to see that😆😆 I think it would have been so nice if Ogata was Sanjo's boss, I feel like their values and ideals of justice back in the day would have matched well since Sanjo probably desired something "pure" back in the day and hoped to be a part of an organisation that helped people, and Ogata was always helping people already, so they would have worked well together. It's just sad that they both got betrayed by their ideals of what the police should have been to them and others.

 The idea that you can't feel any fear because you don't value your life is a pretty interesting and saddening thought. Maybe because I get that feeling sometimes. I agree with Sanjo, Zero definitely doesn't truly care about those ideals of saving the weak that he keeps spouting, he's not like Mikuni, and that's also imo the reason why Zero believes that he and Mikuni will never truly understand each other. Ichika and Sanjo eating ramen together is so cute lol.

Mikuni Rei

Lmao at Zero calling Mikuni an old man for liking fish, disliking carbonated drinks and other junk food because they're not nutritional hahaha. Otherwise, nothing much to say tbh, Mikuni has always been a rather bland character to me? I like him, but at the same time I don't because even though it's interesting to see that he actually has "noble" goals compared to Zero, the fact is that Mikuni as he himself said has been told that he's a "saviour" of sorts, and I think that really exemplifies the type of person Mikuni is. Someone who believes that he can and wants to "save" people in his own way as if he is someone above them all, but at the same time, he is very apparently flawed exactly because he is like that. He's not someone who truly understands the people "below" him and he also doesn't seem to perceive that as something that can be helped, and that's why even though his goals are "noble", he's not really noble at all. But it doesn't really change the fact that Mikuni is kind in his own way though. Mikuni eating shrimp crackers is so cute😂

Saeki Yuzuru

To be honest, I've always liked the chill policeman Saeki, and I personally think Zero likes that version of himself too. I feel like he always enjoyed just talking about stuff with Ichika during their drinking charades, and had fun visiting her. But at the same time, I feel like because of the existence of Adonis and Mikuni, Zero never really allowed his negative emotions to be "accepted" in order for him to move on, so instead it just continued piling up inside to the point of indifference towards the world and others imo. Anyway, it's sad, seeing Zero and Mikuni happily play chess together. They really look like two brothers just having fun in their own way. Hearing them say that they've been doing this since they were kids makes it all the more saddening when they realised that despite how "close" they were to each other, they never really understood each other. In a sense, I feel like in the end, both Mikuni and Zero use Adonis as a way to get the things they want and feel like it's one of the only ways they can do it? I mean, I do feel like Mikuni treasures his relationship with Zero more than Adonis or anything else, because when it comes down to it, I feel like he tries really hard to understand Zero by trying to see things from his perspective and hanging out with Ichika, the one that Zero thinks understands him best and the one Zero likes the most. On the other hand, Zero seems to use Adonis as a way for revenge of his mother and as a way to vent those emotions and scars he got, but at the same time Adonis also granted him Mikuni (a brother), and it gave him opportunities and power.

Zero definitely loves Ichika in an obsessed way, probably the only way he thinks he can love someone, since he doesn't want to become "weak" like his mother was. So if he felt anything like love, he would prefer it to be a love that would destroy him, because in a sense I think I can understand that sentiment of wanting the person you love to solely focus on yourself and no one else, whether that is hatred or whatever emotion doesn't matter, because being the entire focus of someone else's is a sort of "love" to enjoy, so I don't blame Zero for his twisted "love" lol. Especially since you can tell how much he has always enjoyed his after work beers and just chatting with Ichika. I quite enjoyed their little date walking around reminiscing the past and discovering new things they missed out on, now I really want to eat crepes🥲 The ending where Ichika kills Saeki is pretty sad though. Seeing Saeki the most relieved and happy he has ever been is probably what made me kinda happy for him though. He still sucks, but like Ichika said, I can't hate him, because it was true that he did reduce the sadness of many (whilst creating sadness for many others too though) and at the core, he was like in a sense a guy who consumed so much sadness from everywhere around him, always in pain, always sad despite his appearance, and thinking that makes it difficult for me to truly hate him.

Overall, I like the Adonis route! Initially, I was a bit sceptical whether it was really necessary and whether it would be interesting at all but I really loved bonding with all the executors. Seeing more of the human and emotional sides, seeing them warm up to Ichika and become friends with her really made me enjoy the "what could never be" part of it all. I think I especially loved Akito's because of how emotional it was tying into Kazuki and everything. But I also really enjoyed seeing the different sides of all of them. It really makes me wish Ichika got an individual route with like Akito and Sanjo and Ogata because I loveee them🥲🥲

Overall Review

I definitely enjoyed CxM: Unlimited much more than I thought I would! In the beginning, Sasazuka and Okazaki's routes kinda made me wonder whether I really wanted to continue this, but I'm so glad I got through them because I enjoyed Enomoto's, Yanagi's and Shiraishi's routes a lot! If I ranked them, I probably liked Shiraishi's the most, then Yanagi, Enomoto, Okazaki and then Sasazuka. It's definitely what I wanted in a fandisk, which is more fluffy romance and just bonding with all the guys even more, and I absolutely loveeee the potential romances with Yoshinari and Minegishi, they were so unexpectedly nice. Definitely no plot but that's okay since it's a fandisc and I think it fulfilled really well what its goal was when it comes to more romance in the story haha. 8/10! I'm definitely going to miss the characters, I'm so attached to Enomoto and them lol.

[sarahjtv]

BNHA Chapter 308 Spoiler Thoughts: Beat His Ass, Young Midoriya!

Chapter leaks are out!  Full chapter hasn’t been revealed yet (and take what I say with a grain of salt until the official translations come out), but I think I have a pretty good idea of what’s going on.  Nothing super heavy, but it’s an action-packed chapter that shows us how much of a badass Deku has become since he left UA and went all vigilante on us.  So, let’s do this:

Before we get into the chapter, I need to mention our mangaka, Kohei Horikoshi-sensei’s comment this week.  He’s basically apologizing for taking a break last week, calling himself a “small-fry”, and promising to pick himself up.  Horikoshi deserved a break last week and he is by no means a “small-fry” for creating one of the best and most popular pieces of fiction in the last few years.  I hope that he knows that and that he shouldn’t blame himself for taking a break.  

So, the chapter picks up right where we left off!  Deku and Muscular’s battle begins and Muscular recognizes Deku’s voice.  He says that he’s been waiting for this moment as everyone else he’s faced have been weaklings compared to Deku.  As far as we know, Deku has been the only one to even beat Muscular by himself.  It took over 100% of his strength to do so, but Deku did manage to kick Muscular’s ass.  It makes sense why he’d want a rematch.

I need to take a moment here to talk about how awesome Deku looks in his Vigilante costume (as I’ve decided to call it).  The tattered clothing really works for him and the dark sclera around his eye adds to the effect.   Again, I love that he’s finally putting the bunny hood and metal mask to use.  I mean, he used them before, but not as a real part of his daily costume.  He looks almost like a completely different person with them on.  I’d be scared of Deku tbh.  

As the fight continues, he gives the injured Yo Shindo to his GF, Tatami.  Tatami can’t see Deku’s costume because of the smoke surrounding him, but she does kind of recognize his voice from somewhere.  I do wonder if Tatami’s going to put the pieces together and find out that the vigilante is Izuku Midoriya.  And I wonder if she’s going to get the word about his actions spreading and if that will reach our UA kids.  Or the news stations will, that might happen too.  

Speaking of smoke, DEKU UNLOCKED THE 6TH OFA USER’S QUIRK!  The 6th user is the Tobio Kageyama-looking dude with the long collar (He’s cute btw 😳!) and his name is “En” which translated to smoke.  His Quirk is Smokescreen which explains the smoke surrounding Deku at the end of the last chapter.  Deku is using the Quirk too much, so he needs to calm down a bit and use each Quirk individually.  There’s actually quite a bit that Deku could use with a Quirk like Smoakscreen: He could hide himself for a sneak attack, he could use it as a distraction, use it if he needs to retreat, etc.  My mind immediately went to Pokémon (because of course it did) and how Team Rocket would constantly use moves like Smoakscreen and Haze to either distract Ash and Co. to confuse them or use a sneak attack, or run away from the protagonist.  It’s another support-type Quirk, but it’s a damn good one if used right. 

Edit: There’s a panel that shows the scale of how much Smokescreen Deku used and it’s A LOT.  Like, the smoke is covering several streets and it goes to the top of some buildings.  It’s hard for really anyone to see anything.  Deku’s really trying to keep himself in the shadows, I suppose.

To use all his Quirks well, En suggests that Deku think of each Quirk like a support tool.  So, Float is a jetpack, Black Whip is a long string of rope, Danger Sense is a radio, and Smoakscreen is a flare or some kind of smoke grenade (I don’t know the specific name).  This is a really good way of thinking for Deku since he’s been using object-focused metaphors for OFA before.  Remember the “Egg in The Microwave” and the “Turntable in The Microwave”?  Similar to that!

Edit: Fan-scans are out.  It seem like Deku is actively talking to En here as if he’s a little voice in his head guiding him on what to do.  My guess is that after his coma talk with the OFA Holders, Deku can now talk to the vestiges consciously.  He doesn’t need to enter a dream-like state to interact with him; it’s just a thing he can do willingly.

So, Deku uses each Quirk individually and finally ties Muscular down with Black Whip.  I can’t describe it, but it’s so cool to see Deku in action here absolutely folding Muscular.  He really has improved since their last fight. There’s one panel that has a close up of Deku’s masked face and he looks so damn cool!  I’m so tempted to color it when the official translations come out.

Deku is asking Muscular where AFO and Shigaraki are, but Muscular doesn’t know.  He also asks why Muscular is doing what he’s doing, but Muscular just responds that there is only blood and battle in his heart and  he doesn’t want to live a life where he regrets not fulfilling that (his name is revealed to be Gouto Imasuji btw.  Don’t know the translation behind that, but I assume it has to do with his Quirk and his violent personality).  So, this confirms that Deku is actively looking for Shigaraki and AFO.  He’s not just saving people left and right, but he is actively looking for the big bad on his own.  I can’t see that ending well without help unfortunately.  Deku’s also trying to reason with Muscular to see if there’s a different path for him similar to his fight with Gentle and LaBrava.  He’s really going for the “Save People’s Hearts” route and I can understand why.  That’s Deku’s character at its core.  It’s why he wants to try to save Shigaraki despite everything.  If there is a different path for a villain, then Deku will try to lead them to it.  Unfortunately, villains like Muscular don’t always have that path.  

Edit: Actually, you know what, how in the world did Deku know Muscular’s real name?  Did he see it on the news somewhere?  Did he do some research and manage to look it up?  Does he have someone to give him intel?  I mean, unless Muscular’s name was broadcast out there, his real name is some very specific information Deku got a hold of.  

Finally, as he remembers Shigaraki and Kota (the small boy Deku saved back in the Forest Training Camp), Deku runs towards Muscular with full speed and finishes him with one powerful punch!  Deku speeds past Muscular as we finally see his face again under the mask (Badass Deku🥵)!  One Punch Man has left the chat, my dudes.  For real, though, if Muscular really is defeated, it’s amazing how flawlessly Deku beat him.  Deku used every Quirk well and efficiently to dodge Muscular's attacks and pin him down so he could get a clean hit in.  Everything was calculated and executed perfectly.  This is not the Deku we knew back in the Training Camp Arc.    

Edit: Ok, it was explained that Shindo’s Vibration actually did effect Muscular’s Quirk.  Then tendons in his muscles were pulled and were starting to unravel.  That’s what made an opening for Deku to get a good hit in.  I think it would’ve been hard for Deku to knock Muscular out with one punch if that opening wouldn’t have been made.  So, Shindo wasn’t entirely useless.  

And that’s it from what I can gather!  Damn good action-packed chapter! A+ art and writing from Horikoshi once again!  This man just keeps bringing us 🔥.  I’m so glad to see Deku fight like the badass he’s meant to be.  I wish it didn’t have to take a war and several near-death experiences to get here, but Shonen gotta Shonen.  He knocked the lights out of Muscular, I almost feel sorry for him.  He got his ass kicked by the same kid twice in less than a year.  You should’ve stayed in Tartarus, my dude.  Really, all prisoners should’ve stayed in Tartarus.  If Deku can defeat Muscular, then none of them stand a chance against him now.  I can only assume Deku’s going to go after everyone who was associated with the LOV to find Shigaraki and AFO at this point.  Thankfully, we don’t have a break next week.  Will En teach Deku how to play volleyball?!?  I’m kidding!  I do want to know what our UA kids are doing, especially Bakugo, Shoto, and Uraraka.  This would be a good time to transition to them.  Like, they can see Muscular’s capture on the local news, put the pieces together, and go after Deku.  Or we could just keep focusing on Deku’s vigilante adventures, that works too!  

Me @ Deku:

[themadauthorshatter]

I've been planning on doing these, but never got around to it because of the 'how' aspect.

Now I got it

This will be more fanfic-y than the other rewrites, too, so bear with me

PG-13 NINJAGO PILOT: EPISODE 1!!!

Like before we start with a shot of Four Weapons and hear metal on metal as Kai works at a sword, which we cut to and zoom in on.

Every now and again, though, Kai looks at the entrance with a worried look before returning to the forge, continuing to work on the sword.

We get him looking back and forth between the shop entrance and sword before he quickly finishes up and just sits, staring at the shop entrance, which gives us a good hint towards his separation anxiety.

Nya walks into frame and tries to stifle a sympathetic smile as she practically lets herself in, groceries in hand.

She asks how long she was gone and Kai, trying to joke away his nerves, says she's been gone for an hour and a half, rather than the whole hour, like she said. Nya counters that she WAS gone for the hour, and not a minute longer. Kai disagrees, because he counted on the exact minute, and asks what took her.

Nya offers an apologetic smile and shows Kai a surprise she got for him while running her errands: a couple steamed buns with red bean paste inside, just the way Kai likes.

Kai's quick to accept the apology, but also asks where and how she got the pastries, because they're expensive for the two of them, and Nya simply shrugs and says it was on the house because a customer cancelled an order, though a montage shows us the audience that Nya actually got them via a favor for the owner, i.e. fixing a few broken lights and the ovens.

Kai takes the offer, though he's still a little suspicious, and Nya goes to put the groceries away, though she does compliment Kai on his work with the sword, saying he did well on getting a good bwvel on it and keeping it straight. Kai thanks her and admits it's not bad for a 25 minute sword.

Nya, from her place in their makeshift house connected to the shop, yells to Kai to be more patient and take his time, so he can produce a better blade, almost as good as their father.

Kai yells back that he doesn't want to be better than their father, he's going to be better.

Nya walks back out and takes Kai's free hand, saying he is better because of all that he does, and their father would be proud of him for it.

That's when someone walks in, an old man in a robe, straw hat and with a long white beard, and says he should be proud, because the craftsmanship on the helmets, armor, and swords is incredible for someone so young; Kai is 16 and Nya is 14.

The two freeze and watch as the man continues to look around, Kai asking Nya who this geezer is. Nya shrugs and says she caught a glimpse of him before he asked her about the shops, namely shops selling weapons.

Kai, not really sure of this, offers to sell a few things to the man, seeing as he's interested. The man only examines some helmets and clucks his tongue, because the heavy, clunky armor in the shop is better for samurai, and there's nothing here for a ninja.

Kai chuckles and apologizes because there aren't really any ninja in Four Weapons, at least not in a long time.

The man turns his attention to Kai and sort of studies him, noting the light smoke that's on his face, the callouses on his hands, and a few scars(less than Lloyd, just saying that now), and then some red bean paste on his mouth.

Uncomfortable, Kai backs up and explains as politely as he can that he and his sister run a shop, not a museum, so he should either buy something or go somewhere else, please and thank you.

The man nods and both apologizes and thanks the siblings for their time, even if it had been possibly wasted.

The two watch him go and, once he's out of ear shot, Kai wonders what that was all about. Nya is equally confused, but doesn't elaborate on it, because they've got a shop to run. Kai agrees and hands Nya a bit of the bread from the bun she got him; she's not a fan of the paste.

In the distance, on top pf a building a figure in black watches the siblings work, Kai making another sword as Nya deals with a difficult customer. We get Kai seeing this figure, what looks like a thin male in black, and stares back at him

Guess he can't say he's never seen a ninja anymore.

Kai looks over at Nya, making sure she's okay, before looking back to find the ninja has vanished

Cut to the old man from before as he walks over to and takes a seat by a large rock, asking if there's any trouble coming their way, seeing as dawn's approaching.

TV perspective, the camera would pan up to reveal the ninja crouched on the rock as he watcges the horizon. At the sight of clouds and the rumbling in the ground, he nods.

The man sighs and wonders if the saying is true, if there really is no rest for the wicked? The ninja's shoulders drop, but he perks back up at the sight of a falcon flying over head.

Just as he goes to follow it, the man says very much like a warning, "Stay."

The ninja returns to his perch on the rock and sulks, because he's dramatic and bored.

Good thing he saw those clouds because they roll in as night falls.

Kai notices and watches carefully, Nya joining his side and asking what's up.

Neither know until skeleton automobiles race over the hill, carrying the skeleton army, and Samukai, who stands on the tallest of the vehicles and commands his army to attack, and tells his two top soldiers, Ktuncha and Nuckal, to head to the blacksmith shop and find the map.

The villagers, who are mostly farmers, flee and take cover and/or shelter. Kai, however, arms himself and yells for Nya to stay in the shop as he races out, seeing a few villagers get jumped by skeletons.

Wu and Zane, I'll just call them by their names now because WE know who they are, also leap into action, though Zane is told to protect the people while Wu goes for the skeletons.

Zane does just that, inadvertently joining Kai in fighting skeletons, though Kai doesn't notice as he fends off a mod of bone heads.

Kai gets swarmed by skeletons, and gets his ass handed to him, but still manages to get a few hits in, thank goodness. He does well enough, but snaps out of his battle rush when he sees Kruncha and Nuckal racing to the shop. ("No. NYA!")

Just as Kai goes to run back to the shop, but is struck by a skeleton and knocked back as Kruncha and Nuckal go inside the shop.

Inside the shop, Nya goes to grab a weapon, but hides when she sees Kruncha and Nuckal walk in and start rummaging for the map.

She does start to go for a staff, but is stopped by Zane, who carefully holds a hand on her mouth. Zane gestures for her to keep quiet and stay as hidden as possible as he sneaks up on the two skeletons.

Like the original, they argue, but this time, Kruncha spots Nya and starts approaching her, because she might know where the map is, only for Zane to hand stand, on hand kip up, jackhammer kick him in the jaw and knock him back and almost out.

Nuckal steps up and the two fight in the cramped shop, Nuckal grabbing random things to attack or throw at Zane and Zane blocking or catching them and them putting them down somewhere so nothing's broken(there's always so much destruction in fights and it really bothers me, tbh, ngl.). Eventually, Nuckal gives up and they go hand to hand.

As they do, Nya shrinks toward a staff as Kruncha comes to and grabs the hammer Kai was using, Nuckal blocking Zane's hits and trying to make room for Kruncha.

Nya stops that with some strikes of her own that save Zane.

As grateful as he is, Zane pushes Nya towards the exit and points outside, where she sees Kai struggling to hold off some bastard skellies.

She nods and we follow her as she sprints outside in time to save Kai and help him fight.

Kai shouts at her to go back inside, but Nya calls him crazy and won't let him steal all the fun.

The two approached by sickle-nunchuck wielding skeletons and they race toward them, which transitions/cuts to Zane as he pulls his signature move, or what will be if this was the first post I made😅, and drop kicks Nuckal before Kruncha grabs the back if his hood and knocks his head against the charcoal forge and punches him in the face and knees him in the stomach.

Nuckal gets back up and notices the forge is still going a little bit, poking at it as Zane and Kruncha keep going.

He stops when he kicks Kruncha back and is grabbed by the wrist by Nuckal, who pulls him down and smashes his arm into the burning charcoals.

He hisses, but seems to otherwise ignore the pain as he tries to kick them away. Kruncha solves that with a hand on Zane's neck.

Both demand to know where the map is hidden, but Zane glares at them, remaining silent even when Nuckal grabs the hammer and brings it down on Zane's upper arm.

It hurts, but Zane was sneaky and grabbed a shuriken from his pocket and jams it into Nuckal's side, making him stumble back as Kruncha smashes him against the forge by his collar, loosening it enough to reveal Zane's chest and a folded piece of paper.

Back with Kai and Nya as they're more successful, but still getting worn down; that's just fine because their nimbers are dwindling as well(hmmmmm?). Nya looks around in the fray of skeletons and wonders where he is. Kai snaps that he's right behind her, because they're back to back, and Nya reiterates that she didn't mean Kai, she meant the other guy, who is quite literally thrown at them as one more skeleton approaches, one with four arms and bored of watching: Samukai.

Kai charges in, shouting at Zane to keep Nya safe, and the two clash, Samukai blocking with two of his four hands as Kai swings his sword and lands a few good kicks on him.

Samukai, glad to know Kai's not holding back, decides to return the sentiment and reaveals all four of his arms.

Zane leads Nya toward the shop, but that flips around when Nya helps him there instead and goes to tend to his wounds. Zane stops her and shakes his head before getting back up and looking for a high up place to look for Kruncha and Nuckal. Nya sees this and asks what's going on and why thise boneheads are looking for a map, and Zane freezes before he shrugs, leading Nya to an empty barrel, helping her inside and putting a makeshift lid on it so she's hidden before he runs out to rejoin the fight.

Good thing because Samukai disarms Kai and holds up by his wrists with two of his four arms, one of his free hands holding a knife, and Kai bloodied and beaten from this whole fight.

"Pesky little brat. You're just like your father."

Before Samukai can carve Kai to ribbons, Zane sweeps his legs as Wu steals Zane's move and performs a dropkick of his own, but adds some spinjitsu for added distance and actually lands it and stands back up rather than just yeeting himself and falling down.

"Sensei Wu. You look a little too rusty to fight

Zane, triggered, goes to fight with Wu, but Wu holds him back; "Some blades need a stone to be sharp. I only need bone."

The two go at it, but Zane rushes in to help, because he's caring like that, and Kai follows suit.

Zane goes for a long distance approach and throws shurikens at Samukai, which slow him down enough for Wu to manage, while Kai goes in with a rock, because he lost his sword.

Samukai, fed up, kicks Wu back, grabs and lifts Kai by the neck, steals his rock, throws it at Zane, and he's hit on the head, and then throws Kai at a water tower, Kai hitting his back and going unconscious.

Zane sees this and races toward him, especially as the tower falls.

Unconscious and in his armor, Kai's heavy as hell and hard to carry, so Zane tries to wake him up as the tower starts falling.

He does, but isn't 'there' enough to register he's about to die, muttering, "Oh, no," as the tower falls.

Thank goodness Wu saves them both.

Samukai returns to the Skeletons as they start to roll out, but stops when he sees Nya race out and toward Kai, screaming his name.

TV perspective, we get slow motion shots of Kai and Nya reaching out for each other as the skeletons fire a claw/hand at Nya. Just as they're about to grab each other's hands, it grabs her and rips her away from Kai, who's relief shatters into pure terror.

The skeletons drive off, Nya screaming and fighting off the Skeletons as they restrain her, and Kai races after her with Zane behind him.

"NYA! LET HER GO! NYAA!"

The skeletons only race ahead and open a portal, leaving through it as Nya reaches and cries out for Kai.

In a flash of light, they're all gone, Zane stopping, but Kai continuing to run and ahout for Nya until he stops at where the tire marks end.

Seeing them, he drops to his knees, guilt, sorrow, and many more feelings washing over him.

Wu and Zane catch up to him, Wu apologizing to Kai for his loss.

Kai only charges at Wu, who simply steps aside as Zane grabs Kai, rolls to his back, and throws Kai to the ground, flat on his back.

Wu barks, "Enough," and tells Zane to check around them, so they're not in dager and so Kai and Wu can talk alone, and without worry of Zane killing Kai.

Kai demands to know what all of that was, why the skeletons attacked, why they took Nya, why they were living skeletons, why they took Nya, what they wanted, why they took Nya, where the hell they went, and WHY THEY TOOK NYA.

Wu tells Kai to calm himself, but Kai snaps that he can't calm down,and he won't until he gets Nya back, so Wu had better start talking or Kai will make him. Wu sends him to the ground for this, taking his wrist and arm and twisting it so Kai rolls back down on his back,it doesn't hurt him as much as the throw Zane did, don't worry.

To keep him down, Wu holds his staff down on Kai's chest and asks if he's ready to listen, because his sister's as good as gone otherwise.

Kai nods, and Wu gets to explaining:

The Skull Boys were Samukai and his undead army, who work for the real Dark Lord in the Underworld, which us where they went with Nya. Kai can try following as much a he wants, but have fun getting there without a 'gatekey;' something that's powerful enough to open the 'door' the Underworld and let you get in undetected. Either that, or die and hope for the best, which is probably the last thing Kai wants.

Kai, calmer, looks over at a bored Zane, who's blowing in some reeds, and turns back to Wu, asking why he and the ninja were there.

Wu removes the staff and holds out his hand. "You."

Kai accepts and asks why, and Wu plays a total dick move and says he'll explain more, if Kai comes with them. If he does, he'll know everything and become strong enough to save his sister and will never have to worry about lising her again. Hell, he can be strong enough to turn Samukai into bone broth, if he wants, but only if he comes with.

Kai's floored by the offer, but asks, "What if Nya come back and I'm not here? What if-"

Wu holds Kai's hands, settling him as much as he can. "They won't be coming back. They already have what they came for. We will get the map back, and your sister."

Kai falls silent and Wu backs off, saying that this is a hard decision, which he understands, so Kai has until sunrise to make up his mind. Wu will be waiting for him at the village entrance.

They part ways and Wu orders Zane to run ahead to the monastery, to make sure the road is easy to trek back.

He hestitately nods and does so, Wu taking a seat by the village entrance and meditating, calm as can be.

Kai, however, is still reeling from Wu's words. Nya's gone, the shop is a disaster, and Kai is alone. He wants to get her back, but that damn separation anxiety kicks in and he starts to panic.

Wu seems to know a lot, so the best bet qould be to leave with him, and possibly miss Nya returnjng to the shop. Kai groans as he sits qith his back against the wall and cries as he rubs his eyes. He should've kept a better eye on Nya so this didn't happen. He sighs and drops his hands, looking around and evaluating his options: stay and possibly never see Nya again or leave and possibly save Nya. Kai fights a sob as he rests his head against his knees.

Cut to sunrise and Wu still meditating. TV perspective, we hear footsteps approach off screen and Wu looks up to see Kai standing before him, eyes red rimmed, armor gone, a katana or other sword on his back, and a bag of clothes, food, and supplies on his back. (Guess he made up his mind.)

Wu half jokes that he won't bs asking if Kai's ready, but Kai has none of it and tells Wu to lead the way.

Wu stands and says they have a long walk a head of them, and that gives Wu enough time to answer all of Kai's questions.

The episode ends with Wu and Kai walking out of Four Weapons, Kai looking back at the only hime he's known before taking a breath and catching up to and following Wu, the camera panning up to the horizon and the path ahead of them.

[confused-android]

Day 13, Todd - Family

----------------

Amanda: hey, what time are you showing up at mom and dad's on tuesday? (7:02PM)

Todd: For what? Why would I go to their house? (7:05PM)

Amanda: …for hannukah? they sent out the invite three weeks ago, asshole. check your fucking email (7:10PM)

Todd switches apps on his phone and opens his Gmail account. The only things in his inbox are bills and spam. He looks in his spam folder, and even checks his agency account, just in case they had, for some reason, found that email address and sent him an email there.

Nothing.

He searches both accounts for his mom's email address, and finds only the last email she'd sent him, before all of this shit went down. Before he'd told Amanda the truth, and she'd told their parents. Before he was on the FBI's Most Wanted list for almost three months. Before they opened the agency.

From: Debora Brotzman <deb.b.brotzman@zmail.com> Date: 4/8/16 2:14 PM To: Todd Brotzman <theodore.brotzman@zmail.com> Subject: Visiting Mandy?

Hey sweetie, it's MOM. Mandy said she's feeling better this week – are you going to visit her? Call me when you get there, if you can!  :-) Dad found a place to give him an interview, even with his knee, so send him some love and prayers! :-) I miss you, you're doing great.

Love, MOM <3 (Mandy says this is a heart, but in case you can't tell, imagine I put a heart there!)

He hadn't called her on that visit – all of his attention was taken up by Dirk, and it felt weirdly vulnerable to call his mother in front of some weird stranger. After that visit to Amanda, he'd been a little too busy to call her during the Patrick Spring case, and then he was afraid calling her would be trackable, and would bring the FBI down on his and Farah's heads. And since getting back to Seattle… Well, he's tried calling his parents a few times, and sent them an email over the high holidays, but they haven't responded.

He knows why, but it's just been easier to pretend that they were busy, to let Amanda send him occasional messages when she visited home, to imagine that they just… hadn't gotten around to responding to his lengthy apology email.

That strategy doesn't seem to be possible, here.

Todd: No email. (7:43PM)

Amanda: you sure? (7:44PM)

Todd: Yeah. (7:46PM)

Amanda doesn't respond and Todd slumps back into the couch, rubbing a hand over his face. This was… this was utterly predictable. He knew this was coming as far back as Amanda's first Pararibulitis attack, and this is what he knew would happen if they ever found out, and he can't pretend that they're just busy any more. He hasn't been invited home for the family Hanukkah celebration. He's not family any more.

This is the natural consequences of his actions, and he isn't even sure if he deserves to feel miserable.

Fuck.

Why does this suck so much? It's not like he was close with them, anyway. Not for a lack of effort on his parents' behalf, of course. That last email from his mom is typical. Just that it's hard to want to spend time with people you hurt, you're hurting, even if they don't know it. He kept hanging with Amanda because she needed him, and he needed to keep trying to make up for how shitty he was, but there was no way that he could ever save up enough to pay his parents back for years of – of stealing from and lying to them. So spending time with them, talking to them beyond occasional five minute phone call and a yearly awkward hanukkah gathering, never really happened.

Does this even matter? Should it matter?

Of course it matters. It's a punishment from his parents, for being awful to them. He's supposed to feel like shit.

Well, that's successful, then.

Dirk and Farah are out at some kind of trivia night thing, and Todd is honestly kind of relieved. He's not sure if he can handle them right now. Not in a bad way. Just that, Farah wants to be comforting but isn't ever really sure how, and Dirk is sure that he knows how to be comforting but rarely succeeds, and Todd always has to pretend that he feels very comforted by whichever of them has drawn the short straw to hang out with him when he's miserable, and he doesn't really feel like pretending right now.

His phone dings.

Amanda: i texted mom. (8:12PM)

Todd: …? (8:14PM)

Amanda: she said it wasn't an accident (8:20PM)

Todd: I figured *shrug emoji* (8:22PM)

Amanda: i feel kind of weird about this, tbh? (8:24PM)

Amanda: like, i'm still pissed at you, but you know that, and we're working on it (8:24PM)

Amanda: and i told mom that and she said that you emailed her for yk and apologized and that she didn't respond (8:24PM)

Amanda: and that sounds shitty of her? (8:25PM)

Amanda: but also you were shitty (8:26PM)

Amanda: like, really shitty (8:26PM)

Todd: I know that. I was shitty. And she doesn't have to respond to me. (8:27PM)

Amanda: it just feels weird bc she's our mom (8:31PM)

Todd: Yeah. (8:32PM)

Todd: I'm… having some feelings about it. (8:32PM)

Amanda: well i guess i'm proud of you for having feelings? idk (8:33PM)

Amanda: do you want me to not go? (8:37PM)

Todd: No! (8:37PM)

Todd: No, no. Go spend Hanukkah with mom and dad. I'm bummed, but I'll be fine.  (8:37PM)

Todd: I'll try emailing them again next Yom Kippur, I guess. That always seemed to mean something to dad. (8:39PM)

Amanda: that could work (8:40PM)

Amanda: idk (8:40PM)

Todd: I don't know either, if it helps. This sucks, but I knew it was coming, I guess. (8:42PM)

Amanda: :/  (8:45PM)

Todd: :/ (8:46PM)

Todd drops his phone on the coffee table and stands up, shoves his hands through his hair, and sits right back down. Then he stands up again, because while he has no idea what to do with himself, he at least wants to not know what to do somewhere other than the couch. He looks in the fridge without taking anything out of it, contemplates and rejects the idea of a shower, and then grabs the pipe and lighter from his dresser and climbs out the kitchen window and on to the fire escape. He leans up against the side of the building and shivers as a gust of December air hits his neck and seeps in through the fabric of his hoodie.

"Fuck," he says, voice lost in the night, and cups the bowl in one hand and lights it with the other. He takes a long inhale. The smoke floods his lungs and he tops it off with clean, cold air, then holds the breath for a beat before exhaling. He lets the smoke drift away and sits with the scent lingering in his nose before taking a second hit, and then a third. He taps the ash out through the grate next to him, shoves the pipe and lighter back into his hoodie pocket, and thumps his head back against the brick.

It's hard to not feel like a complete piece of shit when your parents have disowned you. Like, the people who are supposed to love and care for you no matter what just don't want to see you for the holidays? That's pretty bad.

He knows that it's not like he doesn't deserve it – he did a horrible thing. Like, a really horrible thing. The kind of thing that gets you disowned by your parents. But it… it really sucks. This whole situation sucks. And it's a situation he made, which means that he sucks.

It's cold outside. Not quite freezing, but not that far above it, either, and his hoodie isn't quite cutting it. He doesn't go inside, though. If he goes inside, he'll check his phone and reread the conversation with Amanda, and have to start thinking about it all over again. So he just stays on the fire escape, buries his chin in the collar of his hoodie, and tries to think about anything other than his parents choosing to ignore him, and not see him for the holidays.

"Fuck," he says again. And that seems to sum it up.

Todd loses track of how long he spends on the fire escape, but it's long enough that he's not really cold any more, just trembling slightly, when the door to the apartment bangs closed.

"Shit," Dirk swears, his voice drifting through the window. "It's bloody freezing in here."

"The window's open," Farah adds, baffled, and then says, "Todd?"

"Todd!" Dirk echoes, his voice a little louder than hers.

"I'm out –" Todd coughs, then tries again. "I'm out here! Sorry!"

He can hear some bustling and movement from inside, and then a long leg sticks through the open window and taps around, looking for the floor, and is then quickly followed by a body. Dirk steps out of the way for Farah, who is altogether more graceful when exiting the building, and they both look down at him, separate expression of confusion on their faces.

"Why are you out here?" Dirk asks bluntly.

Farah shakes her head and puts on hand on Dirk's shoulder, asks, "how long have you been out here?"

Todd shrugs. "Maybe since nine? I'm not sure. What time is it?"

"It's almost ten," Farah says, and crouches down in front of him. "What the hell, Todd?"

"I'm sorry," he says, too tired to really get riled up, or even defensive. "I didn't know what time it was. I left my phone inside."

"Will you, um. Come inside now?" Farah tries, and looks up at Dirk for back-up. Dirk has a funny expression on his face, though, and steps around both of them. He sinks to the floor next to Todd and wiggles up close, until they're pressed together at the shoulder and hip. "Dirk!" Farah exclaims.

"Come on," Dirk says, and gestures to the floor on the other side of Todd. She opens her mouth like she's going to object again, but then something on Todd's face, or on Dirk's face, seems to speak to her, and she scoots back a bit and tips off her heels and down to sitting. Farah holds still for a long moment, steeling herself with a deep breath, then presses against Todd's other side. The brick at his back and the metal grate under his ass are still cold, but his two best friends are warm on either side of him. For a moment, at least, he feels like he has family.

------------------

Link to: day one, Farah - Youth day two, Farah - Dance day three, Farah - Gore day four, Farah - GNC fashion day five, Farah - AU day six, Farah - Family (to be written) day seven, Farah - Pride (to be written) day eight, Todd - Youth (to be written) day nine, Todd - Dance (to be written) day ten, Todd - Gore day eleven, Todd - GNC Fashion day twelve, Todd - AU

prompt list

[actress4him]

Whumptober 2020 - Day 19

Before I get into any kind of introduction, I want to give a shout out to all the people who have reblogged these fics! I don’t have a lot of followers, personally (though I have gained a couple more this month!), so my likes have skyrocketed comparatively speaking since people started reblogging. Thanks so much!

Today is another sneak peek at an AU I plan on writing someday...probably before the Black Paladins one, tbh. The full length version will be from Keith’s perspective, and cover the events starting at Naxzela and leading up to this ficlet. There are more spoilers than usual in the warnings, so use your discretion when it comes to reading those first.

Read on AO3

Read on FFN

Day 19 (Alt. Prompt 11) - Presumed Dead

Fandom: Voltron: Legendary Defender

Warnings: temporary major character death, references to self-sacrifice, slavery, collars, starvation, broken bones

It had been over a year - a decaphoeb, in Altean terms - since Keith died. 

Over a year since he had gone radio silent, leaving Shiro to call his name over and over again with no reply.

Over a year since Matt had reluctantly delivered the news.

Over a year of grieving.

Over a year of periodic nightmares, where their brains would make up horrific images of the last few seconds of his life, of what it had been like in the cockpit of that fighter when it had smashed into the shield.

It still hurt. It probably wouldn’t ever completely stop hurting. 

But gradually, it had gotten better. Allura and Coran were the most used to accepting loss and moving on, so they had shown their grief the least, though occasionally you might see the Princess staring at the Red Paladin’s control chair with a far off look in her eyes, or hear Coran catch himself just before calling out to “Number Four”.

Hunk’s grieving process involved a lot of baking, especially of Keith’s favorite brownies, and periodic meltdowns into tears that would set everyone else in the vicinity crying, too.

Pidge had always been the worst - next to Keith - at dealing with emotions, and spent weeks and weeks on end locked in her room. It had taken everyone else left on the team to eventually drag her back out for anything other than missions.

Lance, surprisingly, had taken it harder than almost anyone else. After taking Pidge’s route for a few days, disappearing into his room, he had emerged with red eyes and a somber personality that never quite recovered back to what it had been. He spent more and more time in Red’s hangar, the two of them seeming to grow closer than ever. The others silently wondered if it had something to do with their shared loss.

Of course Shiro was hit the hardest of all, though he spoke about his grief less than anyone else. Instead he focused on making sure that everyone else was dealing with their own in a healthy way, and urging the team after a proper amount of time had passed back into their training and missions. 

But everyone could see the effect that it had on him. The bags under his eyes had never been darker, advertising his lack of sleep even if someone had somehow missed the shouts coming from his room in the dead of night or the prolonged wanderings through the Castle. His flashbacks became worse, too, interrupting training sessions on a regular basis instead of just occasionally. 

Everyone was getting better, though, day by day, month by month. Keith was dead. It still hurt. But they had accepted that he was gone, and were learning to live with it.

Which is one reason why they were all having a particularly hard time believing that he was standing right in front of them.

That, and the fact that it barely looked like him. The boy, the slave, that they found kneeling obediently by the side of the Galran commander they had come with Emperor Lotor to speak to, was more wraith than person. Bones protruded from every visible patch of skin. His hair, his mullet, arguably his most recognizable feature, was gone, shaved down to almost nothing. His mistress kept stroking the fuzzy top of his head possessively while she talked. And he was letting her. That in itself was as much of a warning sign as anything else, even the leather collar encircling his throat, though he at least didn’t look overly happy about it.

All of that, of course, didn’t even touch on the injuries. His left eye was clouded over, a milky white color instead of the grey-violet they were accustomed to. The lack of fat around his shoulders made the strange angles in the left one even more obvious, and the lower part of the same arm was abnormally bent. His right arm was missing altogether below the elbow. 

Those were bad enough. When he stood a little later, though, they’d also find that he stooped to one side, and his left leg was so mangled no one was sure how he was standing at all. The knee faced one way while the foot faced the other, and neither direction was straight.

But the face was the same. And there was no mistaking the way that his one good eye lit up at the sight of them. 

In a way, the state of his body made sense - he had smashed his ship into the shield, after all. Matt had watched him. And it wasn’t all that surprising that the Galra didn’t make sure he was healed properly, even though it was a disturbing thought that they had just left him like that.

Now the same question was on everyone’s mind. Why didn’t we search the wreckage? Keith had been alive this whole time. 

Alive.

Alive, and living in constant pain. As a slave. 

It was almost harder to stomach than his death.

Words were exchanged. First diplomatic, then heated. Keith sat quietly through it all, his jaw clenching every time the commander’s clawed hand ran across his head, but never once speaking up for himself. There was no sign of the spark, the fire that they were used to seeing from him.

When at last Emperor Lotor ordered the commander to release Keith back into their custody, and she actually listened, he rose slowly, painfully, but then lingered where he stood, uncertain.

Shiro reached out a hand, smiling with tears reflecting in his eyes. “It’s alright, Keith. We’re taking you home.”

[serceleste]

star trek: tos season 1

I’ve been rewatching Star Trek: The Original Series instead of starting anything new (of course) and I have some thoughts about season 1! I love this show. Here are some random things I love.

1. Kirk and Spock wordlessly communicating. They’re in love, okay.

2. In ‘The Naked Time’, everything is falling apart, the bridge is in chaos, Kirk loses his temper, Uhura loses her temper. Then Uhura takes a breath, and she is immediately back in ultra professional mode, damn whatever she’s actually thinking and feeling. And Kirk immediately apologizes. It’s amazing.

3. I appreciate random shirtless Kirk. And that time Sulu was randomly shirtless and attacking people with a sword. (The look on the two dudes’ faces when he is brandishing his sword at them in the corridor is PRICELESS.)

4. The unicorn dog. Fave.

5. Spock playing the ka’athyra, and then Uhura sings with him, and she’s totally good-naturedly poking fun at him the whole time, and Spock accepts it with such good humor and he has no feelings my ass.

6. Obviously Kirk’s shirt tearing all the damn time, sometimes with no plausible reason. My favorite is when McCoy just rips the shoulder open to jab him with a hypo on the bridge.

7. There’s some pretty nice work done in the pilot establishing that Kirk and Mitchell have a long history and a deep friendship, and that makes what happens in the episode so much more tragic. I also love Spock’s easy acceptance of Kirk wanting the record to state that Mitchell (and Dehner) died in the line of duty.

8. Uhura competently taking over other positions on the bridge at a word from Kirk. The implication that all members of the bridge crew/senior staff have their specialties but learned all necessary functions in case of emergency is really nice. (I’ve noticed Sulu taking over navigation sometimes, too, and Scotty’s taken the helm at least once, and Kirk himself operates various positions.)

9. One of my favorite things about Star Trek is its optimism, and also the enduring sense of hopefulness and compassion it and the characters embody. In ‘Charlie X’, even after all the shit he did to them, you can see that they are nevertheless moved by Charlie’s genuine terror and Kirk tries to come up with a different solution that will help him. Or in ‘The Corbomite Maneuver’, after the alien has threatened to destroy them, and he puts out the distress call, Kirk’s response is still to help.

10. Kirk is in love with the Enterprise and the show doesn’t even try to be coy about it, it just comes right out and says so. Multiple times. <3

11. It’s clearly a product of its time and some things are... not great, but I love that it tries, and it honestly wants to portray a future where everyone is treated the same and things like race and gender don’t matter, even if it isn’t quite there in the execution of it. (Yeoman Rand in particular gets some wince-worthy moments in the first season, unfortunately.)

12. Evil!Kirk wears eyeliner, because of course he does. LMAO.

13. The green shirt! I love Kirk’s green shirt. (Actually I love the TOS uniforms in general. Best Trek uniforms, fight me.)

14. McCoy and Spock making fun of each other. <3

15. The number of times Scotty tells Kirk he needs hours/days to fix/accomplish something and Kirk is like ‘you have ten minutes’ and Scotty is just like ‘...fuck, okay’.

16. In ‘What Are Little Girls Made Of?’ Kirk sabotages his android by thinking negatively about Spock because THAT’S the thing he knows will make it clear something’s wrong. OMG. And then Spock makes fun of him for using an unsophisticated insult. Hearteyes.

17. Every time Spock calls Kirk Jim. Also, every time Kirk calls McCoy Bones.

18. Their food is hilarious, it always just looks like little colorful blocks. And their idea of futuristic fashion is completely ridiculous and also the best. 

19. Kirk is so charming, but it’s so genuine, which is I think why it’s so devastating. When he’s looking at people, and smiling at them, you know he really genuinely gives a shit, and actually cares about them, and tbh I think I’d do anything he asked if he looked at me like that, lol. 

20. McCoy is a gift. He’s so grumpy! And he calls everyone out on their shit, especially Kirk, and he’d never say so but he cares so goddamn much.

21. I just ship Kirk/Spock so fucking hard, OMG. Every time they interact I’m just like YESSSSSS THEY’RE FUCKING IN LOVE DAMN.

22. “Fascinating.” <33333 Oh! And the eyebrow raise! Especially when he does it at Kirk. Or McCoy.

23. Kirk’s absolute faith in Spock at the beginning of ‘The Menagerie’. It’s a bit heartbreaking, considering. And the moment you can see Spock choose Pike over Kirk, at the end of Part 1, stabs me right in the heart. And when Kirk agrees that Spock is guilty during the “trial”. (Also I love that they found a way to use the rejected pilot and turn it into what’s really a compelling pair of episodes.)

24. ‘Balance of Terror’ is so good. It’s just a battle of wills between Kirk and the Romulan commander, with how difficult the pressure of command can be for Kirk, and that look into racism with the navigator who distrusts Spock.

25. McCoy and Spock having a battle of wills over Spock needing/not needing medical attention and raising their eyebrows at each other. Love. I understand the Spock/McCoy shipping. (Speaking of, in ‘Operation Annihilate’ when McCoy doesn’t want Kirk to tell Spock he said he was the best first officer in the fleet but Spock overhears and says thank you, McCoy’s face, lmao.)

26. When they find Kirk’s brother dead in ‘Operation Annihilate’ Spock actually attempts to offer comfort!!! Also Kirk holds Spock a couple of times in that ep, it’s great.

27. Every time Spock gets offended because they’ve accused him of having a human emotion or reaction. <3333

28. I think ‘City on the Edge of Forever’ works not just because it’s a truly compelling question of not holding one life, no matter how dear, over the lives of millions, but because Edith herself is genuinely lovely. You can see the tragedy in the death of a woman like her, and the soft romance between her and Kirk is beautiful.

29. And even in the midst of what’s easily one of the strongest (if not the strongest) of Kirk’s relationships on the show, you get Edith saying that she can see that where Spock belongs is by Kirk’s side. My heart.

30. The Gorn. Come on. Iconic.

31. As compassionate as Kirk is I also love the moments that remind you that part of the reason he’s such a good captain is that he’s ruthless when he needs to be. He will make the hard decisions firmly and surely and he won’t let his crew know if he’s internally struggling with them.

32. Kirk’s fighting style!! He’s just throwing himself at people and hitting them with his ass and clinging onto their backs and I LOVE IT.

33. In 'Court Martial’, I think Kirk’s lawyer ex might wear a female dress uniform for the only time ever on the show (certainly the only time in the first season). All the times when the dudes are wearing them, the women are all still wearing their regular duty uniforms. It’s sort of hilarious to me that the men’s look so fancy but hers is just a slightly different collar and a longer skirt, lol.

34. When Spock mindmelds with the Horta in ‘Devil in the Dark’! It’s so sad, and I think that’s the first time we really get a look into what it means for Spock to meld, to share so deeply with another being. 

35. I’m into how Kirk looks in that old-fashioned suit in ‘The Return of the Archons’ but definitely nothing beats him and Spock in short tunics and tights in ‘Errand of Mercy’. Plus Spock gets a half-cape!

36. ‘The Conscience of the King’, responsible for so much woobie Kirk backstory, even in AOS fic where it’s not even canon, lol.

37. McCoy strolling out with those women at the end of ‘Shore Leave’, all “well I am on shore leave”, lmao.

38. Of course McCoy’s iconic declarations of ‘I’m a doctor, not a ‘insert occupation here’. 

39. The computer programmed to seductively purr at Kirk is hilarious.

40. The origin of the redshirt. Classic. 

[evilmortys]

Rick hate blogs for the win tbh. But I was just curious— do you still rp with rick blogs? And do ppl who know rick is toxic and don’t approve of his actions but still like him as a character get on your nerves? I’m just curious! Have a good day!!

hiya  hiya!  you  have  a  lovely  day  too!  i’m  saying  it  before  i  address  the  other  stuff  just  so  i  don’t  forget  to  wish  it  to  you!  <3

yeah  of  course  i  still  rp  with  rick  blogs  (on  my  roleplay  blog)!  my  friend  val  writes  several  ricks  and  c-136  talks  with  a  few  of  them  ‘online’  sporadically  and  thinks  they’re  Neat.  rick  interactions  nourish  me  and  i  am  very  open  to  them  although  people  who  rp  him  are  few  and  far  between  to  my  knowledge.

people  who  know  rick  is  toxic  and  disapprove  of  his  actions  but  still  enjoy  him  as  a  character  are  fine  with  me!  i’m  one  of  them,  to  an  extent?  

ALTHOUGH.  uhhhh.  i  suppose  it  depends  on  how  exactly  you  ‘enjoy’  him  as  to  whether  it’d  “get  on  my  nerves.”  but  even  if  it  did,  i  wouldn’t  ever  comment  on  it  or  be  mean  about  it??  sjdfkjsdfkl  idk!  i’d  just...  let  you  do  your  thing  and  continue  doing  mine!  different  strokes  different  folks!

i  think  i’m  a  bad  person  to  look  to  for  much  sympathy  if  you  relate  to  or  connect  with  rick,  because ...  god.  he’s  such  a  bad  person.  he’s  an  awful,  shitty,  destructive,  abusive  person,  and  i  loathe  him  for  it!  and  i’m  right  i  think!

yes,  he’s  capable  of  being  good,  and  caring,  and  has  been  several  times  over  the  course  of  the  show.  i  acknowledge  it  often  and  the  collar  scene  with  morty,  him  shooting  mr.  jellybean  really  resonated  with  me,  for  example.  

but  for  the  most  part,  his  love  is  so  conditional,  and  feels  so  impossibly  out  of  reach  for  the  people  that  adore  him  (his  own  daughter,  summer,  morty  to  an  extent)  because  he  deliberately  makes  it  feel  that  way.  keeps  them  at  arm’s  length  with  beth,  for  example,  or  verbally  puts  them  down  and  degrades  them  instead  of  being  emotionally  vulnerable  and  conducting  himself  in  a  way  that  would  imply  he  gave  a  shit  if  they  died  in  the  case  of  morty.

he  has  zero  issue  with  grievously  traumatizing  his  grandson  and  abandoning  families  he’s  gotten  to  know  for  years,  up  and  leaving  when  the  going  gets  tough  instead  of  sticking  around  to  help  them  or  keep  trying  because  it’s  easier  for  him  not  to  bother  and  just  move  on.

tbh,  just  about  any  post  that  expresses  fondness  for  rick  or  ‘uwu-ifys’  him  with  no  criticism  at  all  makes  me  grimace.  i’m  so  repelled  by  how  he  withholds  love,  treats  everyone  around  him  poorly,  and  is  such  an  inherently  dickheaded  character  that  i  can’t  bring  myself  to  interact  much  with  people  who  are  apologetic  for  him  at  all,  because  he  hasn’t  redeemed  himself  enough  for  me  to  want  to  see  that  very  often?  if  at  all.  

i  just  think  some  people  hold  too  much  forgiveness  for  rick  in  their  hearts.  like,  you  can  demand  redemption  arcs  for  him  all  you  want,  but ...  i  think  the  sheer  volume  of  unforgivable  things  he’s  done  makes  it  so  that  sort  of  thing  will  just  never  sit  well  with  me  regardless.  

rick  hasn’t  done  anything  as  of  right  now  that  makes  him  worth  forgiving,  and  apologizing  for,  and  justifying,  and  babying.  quite  the  opposite,  in  fact.  so  i  find  it  strange  that  people  can  pluck  all  this  adoration  for  a  character  who’s  so  objectively  bad  out  of,  like,  nowhere ---  or  homing  in  on  the  bare  minimum  of  kindness  he  performs  each  season  and  building  him  up  in  their  head  to  be  largely  those  traits.  he  gets  a  mopey  scene  every  season  where  he’s  self  pitying,  and  people  twist  it  to  be  something  that  makes  him  redeemable  instead.

people  will  see  things  like  rick  flinching  away  from  beth  raising  her  fist  and  trip  over  themselves  to  escalate  the  valid  theory  of  ‘oh  my  god!  he’s  a  physical  abuse  survivor!’  to  the  far  more  vexing  ‘HE’S  BABY!  HE’S  DONE  NOTHING  WRONG  EVER  IN  HIS  LIFE!  HOW  DARE  BETH  DO  THAT  TO  HIM!’  

like,  what  the  fuck?  how  dare  beth  raise  a  hand  to  him  and  not  even  act  upon  it?  lmao? 

first  of  all,  he’d  deserve  to  have  been  actually  smacked  the  fuck  out  in  that  moment.  “how  dare  beth  do  that  to  him?”  how  dare  RICK  treat  her  poorly  for  her  entire  childhood,  neglect  her,  do  the  bare  minimum  when  it  came  to  raising  her,  waltz  back  into  her  life,  traumatize  her  son,  destroy  her  marriage,  have  the  gall  to  insult  her  parenting  capability,  manipulate  her  emotionally,  clone  her  instead  of  asking  her  to  stay  and  be  a  part  of  her  life  like  she  so  desperately  needed  to  hear:  the  list  goes  on!  second  of  all,  HE  HIT  MORTY  IN  THE  FACE,  ON  PURPOSE,  SOLELY  TO  BE  CRUEL,  AND  GAVE  HIM  A  BLACK  EYE.  it’s  called  getting  his  just  desserts,  as  far  as  i’m  concerned.

i  kind  of  went  off  a  bit  there,  sorry,  but ---  i’m  just  trying  to  exemplify  /  explain  what  sort  of  behavior  tends  to  rub  me  the  wrong  way  when  it  comes  to  people  who  enjoy  rick’s  character.

i  myself  think  he’s  very  interesting,  and  complex,  and  it’s  enjoyable  to  consume  his  arcs  and  watch  his  character  development  unfold.  he  can  be  fun,  and  it’s  definitely  intriguing  to  see  his  intelligence  at  work.  he’s  even  capable  of  being  sweet  and  wholesome,  having  fun  with  his  grandkids.  but  for  me,  his  negative  traits  are  so  glaring,  so  volatile,  that  the  positives  aren’t  something  i  can  bring  myself  to  be  invested  in  unless  he  starts  trying  to  better  himself  as  a  person.  like,  he’s  just  a  drunken  bag  of  dicks.

idk  this  went  a  little  off  the  rails  and  i’m  sorry!  again,  this  is  just  how  i  feel  about  things.

[kaiser-s-bitch]

scenario req for zenitsu and kaigaku fighting over the same crush? preferably in modern, kimetsu gakuen setting

I did this in hcs instead bc i saw it more fitting, hope that’s aight!!

————————————————————

Kimetsu Gakuen AU: Zenitsu and Kaigaku fighting for the same crush

• "fighting" can be taken quite literal in this case

• even though Zenitsu usually backs down on everything, when it’s about a girl it’s a whole different story entirely—

• he will openly court you by telling you how beautiful you look today (and that every day) and how he likes the scent of your shampoo and all that

• it’s hard to say which of them has the better chances to win you over, both because their "methods" are questionable and because they are completely different types in just about any way

• though Kaigaku is far harder to keep as admirer, because once he catches wind that you like panini head better than him, he will probably drop you, since your tastes suck in his opinion and you don’t appreciate him enough

• but that doesn’t mean he’ll stop fighting for you, even if just to snatch you away from Zenitsu

• that’s the one thing he can’t ever live with: someone preferring Zenitsu or other worthless people over him

• he may seem like he finds himself to be irresistible, but he’s actually just seeking someone‘s (or in this case your) approval

• Kaigaku is undeniably far harder to read than Zenitsu and also far more distant

• Zenitsu on the other hand is usually too open about everything, it’s kinda adorable but also creepy to have him follow you around all day, ceaselessly spouting compliments

• that can get overwhelming quite soon, so hanging out with Kaigaku then may feel especially nice for a change

• though the contrast might actually hurt, because most things he says sound like insults even if that wasn’t his intention for once

• boi can’t help it, don’t take it too seriously

• if you listen real closely, you might actually make out a compliment of some sort in between all his self-praising

• "I’m just too good-looking to hang around those losers!! That’s why I’m here with you."

• yep, that was an original Kaigaku-compliment just now. you better treasure it because it’s rarer to appear than a blue moon.

• you usually won’t ever get the opportunity to hang out with both of them at the same time

• except during classes

• they probably snatched both seats right next to you, caging you in between them

• it’s not seldom that the two of them get kicked out tbh

• once Kaigaku caught Zenitsu ogling your cleavage, immediately hitting the back of his head with the heavy maths book

• in all honesty, you were sure that Zenitsu‘s ensuing squeal could’ve made the windows burst

• unsurprisingly, Shinazugawa-sensei was not having any of it, grabbing both of them by the collar and dragging them out

• he didn’t like either of them, and also didn’t care who started what whatsoever

• "Fight it the fuck out and then come back in you lil dipshits!!" quickly became his pet phrase

• there are only two outcomes for this: Zenitsu being all beaten up and Kaigaku literally fuming, or Kaigaku returning alone, also fuming

• it really just depends on how bold Zenitsu is feeling that day, when he’s feeling bold enough he’ll stay and "fight", if not, he RUNS

• and that fella FAST—

• however, you better pity Zenitsu for quite a bit for his "excruciating pain", but you rather shouldn’t scold Kaigaku

• it’s a thin line between keeping and losing him due to his easily-hurt pride, whereas no matter what you do, you got Zenitsu‘s heart anyways

• canonically, none of them takes rejection well

• however, that doesn’t mean they couldn’t get over it

• although Zenitsu would most likely never cease flirting with you, even if you got with Kaigaku

• though that is only when Kaigaku isn’t around, otherwise you could scratch his ass from the ground later—

• if you get with Zenitsu though, you can certainly count Kaigaku out

• he wouldn’t ever give you another chance, except maybe you would beg him on your knees

• but even then he would only use it as an opportunity to hurt you more, because he does hold grudges forever and never forgets about anything

• because NOTHING could cut him deeper than someone like Zenitsu getting chosen before him

[hollywoodhangar]

5 things!

Tagged by: @silvcrreaper! thank you, dear! :’D this is a really cute meme! I’ll probably use it again in the future bc of that tbh. I’d like to do a lotta characters. Tagging: @mettatoniic / @corviudex, @wcrldlyadventures​, @tcthinecwnself, @scwewywcbbit, @wabbitseezun, @couragelinked​, @contractualsarcasm​, @heedingcalls, @bloominghands, @fairestfall, @blackstardiopside​ / @hellhogged​, & you!

doing this for red’s hardcore over-a-year fixation seriously this woman owns my ass at this point hhggh this thing got way too long!!

CLAUDIA P.

5 THINGS YOU’LL FIND ON HER PERSON.

Her mother's broken pearl necklace. It's very near and dear to her, she's held onto it like a security blanket as well as a trinket for luck & protection ever since Lord Phantomhive whisked her away to the estate. She keeps them safely tucked away in one of her hidden skirt pockets! Those of supernatural origin that are able to detect magical objects can sense there is a Divine blessing on it; it’ll never be lost to Claudia, and those who mean her ill-intent will have their hands burn when they grab at it - almost like they stuck their hand in flames. It’s a precious thing that Máire [ her mother ] has long since used in her prayers specifically to Brigid ever since she was twelve, so it’s instilled with her blessing! 

Her axe. Even when she’s retired, the Countess keeps her silver axe on her person just the same; tucked away in its renewed sheathe that’s hidden under a flap on the back of her dress [ fun headcanon: while undertaker takes his sotoba up from the top of his collar, she pulls her axe down from below ]. Divine magic also touches this weapon; a blessing from the Morrígan in which the blade is kept heinously sharp so long as she gets some sip her blood tribute, absorbing the splatter and gore through the axe’s silver surface and leaving it pristine. Should too long go by without it having a taste of blood it will begin to dull rapidly for the amount of years its gone untouched, but fortunately the Phantomhives never seem to run short of assassins, hitmen and abductors. Her Divine continues to be pleased.

An emerald poison ring. Silver, classy and adorned with the head of a wolf opening its maw to hold a shiny emerald. No one'd expect such a beautiful big gem hides such a heinous poison beneath! It looks pretty neat when she pops it open and the poison pours out of the wolf’s mouth.

[ Enchanted ] Skeleton key. A simple-looking golden key with hidden runes that activate when inserted into magical locks its made for, but it functions like a normal key as well. This key will open absolutely any door in the Phantomhive manor [ unless Sebastian’s room has the same thing going on! ] as well as the invisible locks she has guarding her forest altar. This is also the only thing that will open all doors leading into her bedroom [ the hallway and the balcony ] as those locks are spellbound to react to only the key itself. Vincent’s always tried to pick his way in but could never quite achieve it! I like to think he inherited his mother’s mischievously nosy curiosity. 

Her black choker with a deep green brooch embedded in its middle. It hides the scar paved along her throat from the attempted assassination. Don’t want anyone seeing that, especially not family. v_v

5 THINGS YOU’LL FIND IN HER ROOM.

Her bed, of course! Mahogany framed. It’s enormous, as to be expected for a Countess. It’s extremely soft, easy to sink into and piled with many lace-ended pillows. Heavy, wool-knitted beige blankets lay over the very top, plush to the touch and covering the white and green sheets beneath it. Deep green curtains with leaf embroidery are tied to the bed posts with dark brown rope, and close all around the bed when Claudia turns in for the night -- except for the curtains at the foot. Those stay partially open to absorb the heat from the fireplace. As for the back of the bed, she built it herself! It has an enormous, full-length mirror installed into its wooden frame and a long, smooth surface below for convenience. It has two lamps at both ends that are within reach. 

Lovely mannequins. Rested next to the balcony are two simple manniquens. One is the bearer of her Brigid cloak, the hood pulled up and draped over to obsfuscate the face. Its arms are stretched forwards, hands splayed up with the ceremonial cloth and ropes used for Claudia’s handfasting ceremony; the pearls that were wrapped around all that hanging from its neck. Opposite of that is the other manniquen. Covered with a deep, dark duster, a peasant blouse, tight black pants and thigh-high boots give off a familiar visage of the Countess during her Watchdog days. Around its waist hangs a very intricate rich brown leather belt with lots of slots in it, weaponized chatelaines and satchels with golden clasps - and a golden wolf head as the buckle in front center.

Secret compartments. Many secret locked compartments in the walls she installed herself [ ^ that can only be opened by aforementioned skeleton key, or a very determined and powerful supernatural force ], hidden behind landscape portraits and animal print wall tapestries. She keeps various things in them: Tonics & Poisons. These are very rare breeds of both, being highly efficient in what they’re made for specifically. There’s vials of strange-looking gnarled roots and various colored liquids stored in here as well, along with herbs (??) hanging from the top. Inheritance. The late Lord Phantomhive left Claudia a fortune, most of which she sent to charity, but kept her own sum for emergencies sake. But that is not all he left her; there’s a small pile of letters, some opened, some remaining closed with different seals. There’s also an envelope in here for Claudia specifically, opened and re-sealed. What’s inside is information concerning safe passage to a number of locations and a list of names. Near the very end, the Lord gave Claudia a way out if she ever felt the need to flee from the Phantomhive title; she’s the only blood left. He would not hold it against her to forfeit the Watchdog title, he’d be dead - he has no reason to care for anything at that point. It’s a very bittersweet gift Claudia’s gone back and forth more than once and plans to hand down to the Undertaker “if I go before he does”. She trusts him to hold onto it and give to any Phantomhive who starts feeling pushed to the brink. Altars. A small altar for each of her Goddesses exists in the walls, in twin compartments side-by-side, their doors marked with the carvings of an anvil and a raven. Brigid’s altar is warm, decorated with handmade trinkets and rolled up drawings. The Morrígan’s is dark, positively dark and dimly lit with this very small icy blue lantern that hangs from the top, and the rest of it is decorated with fans fastened from raven feathers and odd white-crimson candles -- that contain her own blood.  Memonto Mori. Death has been embraced around Claudia for so much of her life, so she’s dedicated her own reminder of that in a “.. yet I survived” way.  Mementos from the Famine in the form of mothbitten fabric from the nightgown she wore that entire time and a lock of hair that had fallen out, from the first attempt on her life by a kidnapper in the form of the rusting gun he had and the bottled flesh & muscle she tore from his throat that earned her the title “Wolf of Winchester” among the Aristocrats of Evil, from the nigh successful assassination in the form of the bloodied gown fabric and pressed white roses that wear dried crimson on their petals. There is nothing for the Phantomhive Fire. This rebuilt manor is a jarring memento mori of its own now. 

Cherry wood bookcases. It is stacked with books of worldwide mythology, folklore, natural remedies, strange leatherbacks, and lots of journals Claudia’s written personally over the years. There’s pictures of loved ones wrapped in oval-shaped, polished wooden frames, a lot of old wooden toys she made for her progeny that they’ve grown out of, a black onyx hand with all fingers lined with rings she made herself and holding an ornate athame. Currently, “Frankenstein; or, The Modern Prometheus” sits with a long brown & white feather serving as a bookmarker. 

Urns. Three very precious porcelain urns that are specifically customized to fit the lives they belonged to: Vincent, Rachel, and Claudia’s seven hounds. While she drew the designs for Vincent and her hounds, she let Rachel’s parents decide how they wanted their daughter’s urn handled. She passed the drawings to the Undertaker and he made them to perfection. They rest on the previously mentioned bookshelf, side-by-side in a very gorgeous center display, with fresh white roses, rosemary, gladiolus & lilies from the garden surrounding them and small lanterns constantly providing a low, gentle golden light. There’s candles that have been melted to their hilts and others that are brand new.

5 THINGS THAT MAKE HER HAPPY.

DOGS. 

Mythology. Mythology and folklore have always been incredibly fascinating to her! They can easily eat hours away as she delves herself into learning more and more about them and re-reading the ones she already knows.

Family. I've said it once, I've said it twice, Claudia's a woman who adores to be surrounded by family. Her attempts to convince the Midfords to join with the Phantomhive household have gone shot down by both her grandson and her daughter. One day she’ll prevail. One day. She won’t but she can dream of having a full house again, let her dream.

The countryside. Honestly, the fact they live here instead of in the city was something of an immense comfort to Claudia because it’s a little reminscent of Donegal. She regularly takes Gelert for a walk and finds a nice green pasture to just sit in for a while and enjoy the wind. It brings such a huge wash of calm and relief and what she turns to when feeling absolutely stressed, anxious or angry. Her natural dopamine hit!

Sweets. The Countess has a bad sweet tooth like her grandson and loves to eat sweet things, including things of her own baking and creating! Wave any delectable sugary sweet before her face and you have her attention - not her compliance, but her attention. [ 1v1 phantomhive discourse is continuously stealing the other’s treats. she doesn’t even recall who started it but it is an on-going War. ] 

5 THINGS SHE'S CURRENTLY INTO.

Infinite woodworking! She has several projects going on at the moment, one being a boat and another being a marionette bitter rabbit she’s eventually going to get around to painting. Both gifts!

Foraging. Sure she can easily send the servants to buy this stuff from the market, but she likes to retrieve them herself. There’s a lot of berries and edible/medicinal plants in season right now and she’s pretty happy about that. :) Mulberries galore.

Reading. Very good exercise for her brain as she’s getting a little more forgetful in her old age, so keeping it busy with things like this strengthens her mentally. At the moment she’s not only reading Frankenstein, but she’s also reading about Japan mythology! That, and about strange monsters & creatures encountered at sea, actual accounts taken down by the author of the book who interviewed many-a sailor. 

Hunting. Not only does it give her a grand excuse to get out of the manor, but she needs to keep her archery sharp and Gelert in shape. 

Summer Games. Speaking of which, she has a title to defend! Sporting events are beginning to ramp up and the Phantomhive name continues to hold first place in the Archery branch, much to the chagrin of many who try their aim & speed against the Countess And Lose. Also, the events are always a bunch of fun to take part in - she’s dragging along anyone available.

5 THINGS THINGS ON HER TO-DO LIST.

Finish the on-going "Misfortune's Way" Funtom board game with Ciel. [ Ciel: 9. Claudia: 9. Neck-to-neck. Who Will Win? ]

Continue work on the boat she's created for the Midfords. She needs to finish carving their family crest into the right side of it and hollow out the rest of the bow. So much work to be done! But four months of blood, sweat and tears are going to pay off. :)

Fix that TERRIBLY painful floorboard her foot keeps hitting. It's been on this list for about a week now. She keeps forgetting or gets sidetracked! She’s getting a bruise. :( [ have tanaka do it? no no, she lets that poor man rest now. have sebastian do it? not a chance. "Are ya daft!? I ain't about to have that damned vulture creepin' about my own private quarters." ]

Pack up Tanaka, cook some food [ avoid bard. he always offers, she always declines after he set a strawberry cobbler she requested on fire right before her own eyes, and then proceeded to catch a portion of the kitchen on fire. she was so stunned she didn’t even notice Sebastian come in and bat out the flames LMAO. ], make some tea and head out with Gelert to her favorite spot to chill in the countryside and soak up the rays of Summer. She’s been so much colder than normal lately and needs to a b s o r b s u n. It’s Summer! She shouldn’t be freezing this much! [ although it is funny to put her hand on the back of people’s necks when they complain about the heat and watch them flip ]

Commune with the Goddesses at her forest altar. Bring the landscape painting she’s done for Brigid, bring the bloodied clothes of a fallen enemy for The Morrígan.