#defying voldemort
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Chapter Thirty-Three: Want
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He looked happy. Healthy. Whole. Even if it was only for forty-nine seconds, she didn’t want to say anything to disrupt the moment.
This was the real Draco. Her favourite Draco.
She’d make it her life mission to settle his soul every chance she could because this was how he was supposed to be. Deserved to be. At peace.
#dramione#oxfordelise#draco malfoy#fanfiction#dramione fanfiction#hogwarts#death eater draco#draco x hermione#fanfiction writer#hbp#HBP rewrite#betterthanrevenge#BTR#studying#defying Voldemort#Harry Potter#harry potter fandom#harry potter fanfiction
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Sirius Black and James Potter did not need Remus lupin and lily Evans help to pass their OWLs and NEWTs.
#Sirius black#James Potter#Exceptionally bright#Animagis#'Hogwarts is unplottable'#'Yeah? Here's the map of Hogwarts'#Go figure out#Did Sirius say it?#Hehe idk#They believed he was Voldemort's right hand man💀#Imagine the fear#Actually no you don't even need to imagine it😭#See their reaction. 3rd year anyone? 😭#Thrice defied the dark Lord anyone?#Remember how voldemort praised James?#Ah but no they needed Lily and Remus to pass their OWLs and NEWTs#You bet they did#I'm so bitter these days lol😭#prongsfoot#My boys were not himbo and bimbo#They were nerds please stop butchering their character 😭#Ab jada ho rha 😭
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if u think narcissa is irredeemable what do u think abt regulus?
have i accidentally made it seem like i think regulus is a good person…. he’s my emotional support holier than thou self pitying manipulative failguy who can’t shake his superiority complex no matter how hard he tries and no matter the au..
#i do think he’s redeemable though. lol#he was a child#and he died as a child trying to defy voldemort#<- i think that says a lot about him that reg antis refuse to open their eyes to#he so fiercly believed in defying voldemort (!!!) that he went on the quest alone w/ kreacher as a seventeen year old kid and died-#in the process#failguy who fails even when he tries to do good :/#and the letter he wrote.. dear god..#he was just a boy#anyway yeah i think he’s redeemable / but that doesn’t mean people owe it to him to forgive him#he was a death eater and did horrible things#and lets say he survives the cave and tries to do good#<- i believe he could and possibly would if we take into account the letter and his betrayal#doesn’t mean everyone has to forgive him#anyway i find him the most interesting when he doesn’t really try to redeem himself#and mostly just tries to live#and even in modern aus im not really interested in ’good regulus black’#that’s my emotional support fail aristocrat turned failguy or faildyke who’s annoying and judgmental with a superiority complex he can-#never quite shake / or doesn’t even realise he has#<- why did i put all this in the tags.. my god..#anyway. my regulus black is morally gray at best#always self serving and self pitying <3#asks
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aint no way i just saw a tiktok about JAMES POTTER being friends with BARTY JR.
DO YALL EVEN KNOW HIS CHARACTER ANYMORE????😭😭
#james get behind me i’ll protect you from these fascist lovers#marauders#james potter#anti marauders fandom#marauders era#lily evans#barty crouch jr#anti barty crouch jr#james didnt defy voldemort three times hated the dark arts and supported magical minorities for this#free him
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There was a loud knock on the door, followed by hushed arguments. Lydia and Cora both made their way to the door.
"It was definitely too much force."
"Then you should've knocked!"
"I'm not knocking! This is terrifying enough."
"You killed a giant snake, I think you can knock on a door."
The door abruptly opened, Lydia peering out to the four late teens awkwardly standing in their front garden.
"Mrs Pettigrew?" The only girl asked, curly brown hair bouncing as she pushed past two boys, "We're sorry to come to your home unannounced like this, but we got your address from Headmistress McGonagall."
"She's the head now?" Lydia blinked.
The girl nodded, "Yes. And my friend here thought we should come visit to talk to you about something that may be quite upsetting."
The girl's gesture to the boy on her left got Lydia's attention, as she looked at him properly and suddenly found herself in the past- James Potter showing up out of the blue practically every week during the summer, begging to grab Peter to hang out with.
"James?"
The boy almost rolled his eyes as he stepped forwards and awkwardly waved, "I'm Hari, actually. James was my dad."
Lydia's eyes widened, "I'm sorry for your loss."
"Well I should probably be saying that to you."
She paused, "Excuse me?"
"Hari!" The girl hissed, elbowing him in the rib.
Lydia opened the door wider, "Why don't you kids come in, we've just put the kettle on."
"Thank you", the girl smiled, grabbing the hand of a ginger boy behind her as she walked through the doorway.
"What if they're evil rat people too?" The ginger boy not so quietly whispered.
Cora guided them to the sofas, "Us? I wouldn't say we're evil and sadly not rat people, I do love those little worm tails."
The ginger boy snorted, cheeks turning red.
Hari took a seat, followed by a fourth boy.
Lydia poured them all a cup of tea, "So, you came here to tell us some upsetting news? Best get to it, our usual tea companion usually gets right to business with telling us bad news."
The girl nodded, "Yes, right. Well, Hari? Did you want to tell them?"
"No, not really."
She huffed, placing her own tea cup down, the ginger boy wrapping an arm around her waist, "I'm really sorry to tell you this, but your son is gone."
Lydia smiled, sipping her own cup, "I'm well aware, my dear. He's been gone for a long time now, seventeen years."
Hari frowned, "Do you not know about what's happening in the wizarding world?"
Lydia shook her head, "Not a clue. I left that place behind completely when I was about your age. Only stepped my toe in now and then when Peter needed me to. And my wife's a muggle so we've never really felt the need to go back there."
"Your son wasn't really dead", the girl started to say.
"But he is now", the ginger boy continued.
Hari nodded, "He got killed for being a traitor."
"Right, but by his own side, or hand, I suppose."
"Is your hand not on your side, Mione?"
"I really don't think that's the point, right now."
"Anyway, he died properly this time. When before he was a rat so he escaped and was ron's pet."
"Can we not mention that?"
"Right, sorry. And then he helped voldemort again and now he's proper dead."
"There's a funeral for him. A second one, I suppose. But that's why we're here, to tell you and invite you to the funeral."
"Sounds a bit bleak."
"Well, death is a bleak subject, Ron!"
"I know that!"
"Everyone knows that!"
Cora coughed, trying to get their attention, "Can we maybe explain this a little clearer?"
The fourth boy sat up straighter, "I brought a newspaper with me, I thought it might make it easier."
He passed the paper to the two women. They carefully read it, articles on Peter being a spy for the order and his recent death.
Lydia clutched the paper tightly, reading the words over and over and over again.
Cora smiled hesitantly at the four teenagers, "Thank you for coming to tell us. When is the funeral?"
"The fifth of next month", Hari spoke, "I found a graveyard close by here, I thought that might be what you two wanted."
Cora nodded, "Yes, that means a lot. Thank you."
They all stood up to leave, Cora showing them to the door.
Hari turned to her, "We'll all come to the funeral. But I wouldn't expect the place to be very full."
"Of course."
The fourth boy stepped forwards, a bouquet in hand that he passed to her, "I grew these for you. The flowers represent loss and innocence."
Cora smiled back, "Thank you, although maybe that last meaning isn't so accurate anymore."
The boy shrugged, "Well, there is a certain innocence through death, isn't there? No matter what you did in life, your body is now giving back to the world as you decompose."
"Neville!" Ron shouted.
Cora laughed slightly, "Right you are, neville, was it?"
He nodded, "And. Well you and your wife knew Peter Pettigrew at his most innocent. So no matter how much darkness he put into the world, you still hold the memories of his innocence. Which may have been tampered out but were still very much real."
Cora squeezed Neville's shoulder gently, "You're a good kid. And I know my wife would want me to tell you this, so can I just say. Your self worth comes from here", she pointed to his heart, "not from the outside world. And if people aren't paying you enough attention then get right in their face and just shout at them. What you do for others isn't what makes them care for you, they just do care for you. Okay?"
"Yes", Neville nodded, "I, um, I think I already knew that."
As the door shut, Lydia stood in the darkened hall, staring at the shut door, a photo of a young Peter clutched in her hand and the other holding the newspaper.
"He reminds me of him."
(for @jegulily-stuff <3)
#i was going to add a bit about mary going to the funeral. but i don't actually know if she would. hmm. i'm conflicted on that#but i do think hari would. despite everything. peter hesitated in the end and that one sentiment is enough for hari#not to forgive him at all. but to attend the funeral of the man who tried to defy voldemort. the man who was once a friend of his father.#anyway. i am very out of the golden trio era. so forgive me if they seem so out of character#marauders era#marauders#lydia pettigrew#cora pettigrew#hari potter#peter pettigrew
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Oh, how you’d changed him
Tom Riddle x Reader
Summary: how you’d changed Tom and his life for the better, and how ridiculous his previous plans seemed after that.
Tom had carefully planned out his world domination, created his alias Lord Voldemort and the horrors that would go with him. He decided that he would single-handedly take over the wizarding world by any means necessary and reek havoc amongst the weaklings that surrounded him. This; a plan he had created since he was merely a boy, determined to return what this cruel world had forced upon him - sorrow and pain.
Until he met you. To Tom, you were like a breath of fresh air, an unbeatable presence with bright and hopeful features that offered a sense of peace in his life. You had been acquaintances since first year, however had become more familiar in sixth-year potions, just as he was plotting his first horcruxes along with the basallisk attack, you had been assigned as station-partners in the early September of that year.
When your names had been read Tom quirked a brow, however was not disappointed with the testily - having duly noted your previous achievements in the subject and feeling as though you could come in handy later down the line when his domination was more of a priority than his studies, but his world came crashing down when you turned in your seat to examine him.
Tom was lead to believe that he was incapable of love. A monotone psychopathic freak lacking human emotions, yet obtaining alien abilities. It when your eyes looked him over and your hair swayed behind your shoulders, he was unable to ignore the way his heartbeat quickened and breath faltered, in Tom’s eyes you were unfathomably gorgeous and he was unable to look away, a Medusa incapable of stoning her victims.
You held your hand out calmly and he admired the way your posture was straight and head held in a confident stature. “Y/n,” you said, lips soft and plump and voice soothing and gentle. “Tom,” he replied, voice failing him as he fumbled over his words with a stutter - something having never happened to him previously. You giggled at his mistake and he found himself enjoying the sound, instinctively making it his mission to hear it once more, unable to stop the smile appearing on his lips.
Tom also appreciated your knack for perfection. Your potions never failed to exceed beyond perfection and your applause was always deserved, taken with a humble nod to your peers before you set out defying the next odds in your path.
Naturally, Tom began to gravitate towards you outside of lectures, also. He’d find himself on the path to walk you to class or accompany you to the dinner table, or beside you in the library studying beyond the librarian’s patience and working hours. Tom found comfort in your presence and allowed himself to indulge regardless of what ‘Lord Voldemort’ told him to do.
Eventually, he’d offered his arm to stroll down with you to Hogsmeade on a chilly autum day, a few weeks before Christmas celebrations would commence and the winter solstice would turn the Scottish highlands surrounding you into an awe-worthy winter wonderland. “May I accompany you to Hogsmeade?” Tom asked with a small smile, holding his arm out to you while you friends giggled and pushed you towards him. You’d laughed with him as you threaded your forearm alongside his, joining you both at the hip while you replied: “yes, you may Tommy.”
Strangely, he never felt any kind of resentment to any nickname you’d give him other than his name. He welcomed your names with open arms and answered to nearly any plausible noun that passed his lips. He even bought you butterbeer to warm your frostbitten lips, sipping simultaneously while the barmaid offered a few obvious knowing glances.
You shivered as you walked on, the many layers you had adorned on top of your skin no match for the ever-growing cold attacking Hogwarts and found yourself struggling with chattering teeth. Tom immediately removed his long coat and wrapped it around you, admiring both the chivalry of his actions and the satisfied smile on your face when your body temperature started to rise. “No, no, Tom. You’ll get cold.” You said, a reluctant whine passing your lips to which he shrugged. With anyone else, he would’ve let you freeze to death, but not you. He would die for you, freeze to death if you will. “I’m fine, I’m more concerned about getting you back to the castle without hypothermia.” He says with a small chuckle, pulling you into his side by the waist. “I guess you aren’t so cold-hearted as you make yourself out to be, Tom Riddle.” He looks down at you and considers your words for a few seconds.
“You confuse me, y/n. I’ve never felt so warm and gleeful around a person yet you never fail to bring a smile to my face. Teach me how to do that.” I instructs but you shake your head no gently. “I cannot do that simply due to the face that you do it to me, also.” You reply, each exchanging knowing glances between each others eyes and lips. He leans down and traps your lips with his own, warming your body through a simple yet sophisticated gesture and from that day forward you were referred to as his girlfriend.
Of course, however he had also come clean about his upbringing and eventually the chamber and the basilisk. He had told you he was conceived under the influence of a love spell and believed that he was incapable of loving until he had met you. You laid on his bed as you talked; his head on your chest while you weaved your fingers thought his chestnut locks and listened to him. “I read a while back now about a recently investigated muggle issue called autism and it has occurred to me that you’re not incapable of love, you have asbergers Tom. I’ll read the passage to you later.” And all of a sudden all of his unjustified emotions and troubles made sense and he could finally find an unknowingly lost sense of peace within himself knowing what truly made him into the Tom Riddle he was.
When he took you into the chamber he’d told you all about his plan for domination and his large magical snake and how he had a few followers and you never judged him once. If anything you thought it was impressive that he yearned for revenge instead of acceptance but reasoned that perhaps an oversized snake and a killing spree were not the solutions he was searching for. The basilisk lived shrunken to normal size in a glass cage beside his bed after that.
And as the time went by and your relationship flourished, Voldemort seemed more like a past phase than a goal and was more focused on the life he going to create with you. He called his ‘followers’ pathetic and told them to get a life when they questioned his authority over their devotion.
Eventually, it came time for you to graduate and Tom’s hand was tightly clasped in your own as you looked at the castle for a final time. You were silent, acknowledging the end of this era and slowly coming to terms with it. After a while, Tom scoffed. “World domination.” He said with a smile shaking his head. “Who’s ever heard of such a thing?” He turned and picked up your bags along with his own. “Ready to go, darling?”
The two of you had shared your own compartment on the train ride home, others finding their own cubbies as Tom scared them off from sitting with you. Your head was rested on his shoulder as he read a muggle book to you that you had bought the previous summer ‘the great gatsby’. It was a deep and considerate book and made you think about your future, also.
“What’re we going to do now?” You ask out of the blue, interrupting his sentence as he simply closes his book and looks down at you, your face deep in thought. “Well,” he hummed, thinking for a moment. “We’ve booked that cottage in the Peak District for a few weeks, how about we think it all out then?” And you nod. “Sounds like a plan then.”
The next few weeks were spent waking together in the high peaks of the muggle countryside, simply talking and appreciating one another’s company and plotting your lives.
“Is it bad that I want to stay here forever?” You ask him, looking out at the sunsetting one warm winter evening. Tom thinks thoughtfully before saying “if it is then it’s bad that I want to stay here too.” As a pureblood witch you were born under the believe that muggle life was pointless and undeserving, and as had Tom - but together you realised you preferred the quiet and solitary, and not needing to use magic to do everything all of the time. It was a change. And it was nice.
One morning mid-august Tom was reading the newspaper and you were making you both toast. “Someone’s selling the property up the street.” He says and you sip on your drink and look out of the window. “What? The old farmhouse.” “No, the one with the long drive and vines up the side.” You sigh dreamily. “Oh, if only.” You say with a chuckle. “Darling we can afford it.” Tom says and you stay in silence for a moment, sharing the thoughts weaving through your minds. “It wouldn’t take up a large chunk of our savings.” He drops his reading glasses to the end of his nose and smirks. “We’re rich in muggle terms.” You laugh and shake your head at him. “You’re so humble, Riddle.” He stands up and slides his hands around your waist to hold you close as you share the view of the house in question. “We’re buying it.” He spoke after a while, finalising his decision. “What happened to the ‘I hate muggles and never want to be amongst them’?” You ask, turning to him with a cocked brow. He just shrugs. “They were Voldemort’s views. Not mine.”
Matter several months going back and forth with the previous owners and settling on an asking price, you were standing in front of the house- your house, beside tom, exactly how you had when you were leaving Hogwarts. “This is our house.” You say, not taking your eyes off of the scenic view before you. Tom takes you into his side and rubs your arm comfortingly before kissing your temple. “Our home.”
Tom became an Auror, acting as an undercover wizard in the muggle setting catching and reporting any source of dark or unrightfully used magic. You took up being a healer, training in the wizarding world but practising in your home village, being known as a respectable young doctor who all the elderly or adjacent citizens resided in to get treatment - and anything you gave them always worked.
It was a spring morning when you were down at the bakery picking up a loaf of bread for your dinners. “How’s that fella of yours?” The lady asked with a smirk. “Oh Tom’s fine, just left for work.” “Popped the question yet?” The old woman asks, elbowing you slightly. “We’re only twenty Agatha!” You say with a laugh. “Well, Arthur and I were married when we were nineteen.” She crossed her arms. “I thought you were telling me how much you hated him?” You laugh. “Oh he gets on my wire, but we were still married!”
That left you with the thought in your mind for the remainder of the day - you’d decided that Tom Riddle was the man you wanted to spend the rest of your life with and then some.
In February you both took a trip down to the Lake District and rented a boat house with a large lake, your jobs and ‘trust funds’ inherited from family members allowed you to do this rather frequently and easily, nothing out of the ordinary to take a trip for a long weekend.
It was at sunset, rather early due to daylight saving hours when you rowed out onto the lake to just sit in tranquility for a little while, appreciating the quiet time together. You’d rose to your feet, sure that you had seen an owl fly by and when you turned around, Tom was on one knee, box in hand. In the box, the ring of Salazar Slytherin himself with a bunch of roses in the other.
“Agatha told me today is Cupid’s holiday.” He say, voice just beyond a whisper as a smile grew on your face and tears formed. “You know, until I was sixteen I was asphyxiated with the idea of taking over the world, finding a victim to take the pain that I felt. But those silly little thoughts were gone when I met you, the only person I live and breathe for. I never thought I could, however I love you, yn ln. And it would do me great honour if you would be my wife.”
You’d kissed and hugged him and wept into his shoulder as you happily embraced - ready to start the rest of your lives together. There were no other young women in the village and your parents had practically alienated you when you went to live with muggles so the ladies who attended your doctors practise took you shopping for your wedding dress - Tom insisted on paying.
Dolly was brutally honest and Susan started crying, Agatha kissed you and called you her daughter and it was certainly a day to remember - a gorgeous fitting dress, white and highlighting your features gracefully.
You’d gotten married in the village church, an audience of your neighbours and close friends and a few companions from school, Agatha was your maid of honour and Greta your flower girl, gleaming smile on her face while her husband rolled her down the isle in her wheelchair while she sassily threw rose petals. And Dumbledore was sat in the front row, a smart suit on while he smiled at the man the little evil boy turned out to be, and the gorgeous woman you had flourished into.
It was a beautiful ceremony and a beautiful day. And you were now the beautiful yn Riddle.
In September, Abraxas Malfoy and his wife wanted to celebrate their wedding anniversary and asked if they would drop their son, Lucius off for the week so they could go away. You and Tom decided to take the week off work and look after him, after all, the young lad needed to be accustomed to his god parents!
One evening Lucius had pleaded with you to go sit in the garden and paint together and of course you complied, taking the supplied and the young boy on your hip, and headed for the grass to make a mess. And make a mess you did, there was red in your hair and blue on his white libel shirt, and hardly anything on the page. Tom watched from the window sipping on a cup of tea, watching as you interacted with the young boy so naturally, tickling his stomach and laughing as you played hidey-boo. It created an odd twang in his stomach, the same he had felt when he had first laid eyes on you.
One day when the boy had been reunited with his parents, Tom had been sent on a mission to retrieve an escaped boggart. During his time at Hogwarts, his biggest was recognisably his own dead corpse, but when he approached the creature, it’s form was your grave with him sat looking deathly ill beside it weeping. Your headstone read ‘a loving wife and doctor, no children’ his stomach dropped when he realised what he needed. What he needed right now.
He got home that night and held you close and cried, feeling you warm and full of life. You caressed his shaking body as you soothes him, and when he had calmed he had taken your face into his hands and cradled it, telling you suddenly “yn I want a baby.”
Throughout your pregnancy, Tom was tender and reluctant to let you move without him being beside you. He became more protective than he already was an even took an extended paternity leave just before your due date.
Prior to that however, he worshiped you like a goddess. He would make you decaf tea - something you grumbled about but he refused to listen. He stopped smoking his pipe inside the house, instead taking it to the end of the garden while he and Mr Garson next door chatted about his wife and you. He made you lay on the settee and sat on the floor beside your growing stomach while he read old wives tales from a book inherited from his mother. He even sang to it once or twice. After the sixth month mark when your belly was becoming noticeably plump to the point you could rest your tea cup upon it without it falling off, he began carrying you everywhere. Regardless of how far the distance, and the fact you were carrying another human, he acted as though you were a feather that needed assistance and carried you the way he did on your wedding night.
When you took your own maternity leave, he was even more pleased - before he’d sit beside you in your doctors office and never took his eyes off of you, now he needn’t a reason to why. In his eyes, his love was pregnant and needed tending too. He’d shower with you and lift your stomach until he saw the face of satisfaction he knew well and loved. And he’d be lying if he said the breasts you were growing didn’t make his mouth water, as well as the fact there was a possibility that he could impregnate a pregnant woman - a thought that drove him wild but alas after many attempts, it was eventually an unsuccessful mission.
And in the next July, Tom was sweating as he held your hand and felt a great pain as you cried in agony beside him. You were in a muggle hospital, Agatha had awoken in the middle of the night and heard your pained cries and ordered her husband, Mr Garson to drive you to the hospital which he did, adjusting his thick-lenses on his glasses and having to be awoken a few times at the wheel from Tom’s furious barks, but you made it on one piece, and at quarter to ten, you produced him a son, deciding on naming him Mattheo Riddle.
After giving him a bath, the midwife’s tried to take him away ‘give you a break’, but you refused. Groggily saying “I’ve only had him ten minutes why would I need a break.” And Tom soon shooed them off, getting into the bed beside you and holding your son skin-to-skin as he slept on his fathers chest, and you on his shoulder. When you drifted off he kissed the top of your head gently and whispered sweetly “well done, mummy.”
Tom was determined to be the father he didn’t have. And a good one at that.
Mr and Mrs Garson cried when you asked them to be the godparents, you would’ve appointed the role to everyone in this village if you could - your own little family larger than it seemed.
The newborn stage went by awefully fast and you and Tom self with every hurdle and hiccup together, all the nappies and sick, and the 3AM walks when baby Matty would not settle. It was gone and soon you had a walking talking toddler of whom you were both awfully proud of.
The chilly autumnal eves suddenly turned into even colder winter morns, Christmas was making its rounds in the muggle world and you and Tom had became accustomed to it. You decorated the tree, hung candles, sung carols, gave presents and ate specialty meals on the 25th. Tom sat in his armchair, Mattheo on lap, reading glasses down to the end of his nose as he read A Christmas Carol to him.
You were making dinner, Mince Pie was on the menu that night in particular, and you smiled as you notice the snow falling. You wiped your hands and leant against the doorframe watching your two boys in awe, just memorising the picture for a moment. “Are you alright, my love?” Tom asked, smiling up at you. “Just admiring the picture.” You say, mirroring his grin. Then you turn to your son. “I’m awfully sorry to interrupt, master Riddle. However, so I do believe it is snowing.” He gasped dramatically when he heard the news. “Snow! But we’re reading! But snow!” You both laugh at his dilemma then suggest “how about we eat dinner, then we’ll read out in the snow and make a snowman.” The young boy squeals in delight and runs to the dining room to eat, sitting ever so patiently yet with an impatient smile on those cheeky lips.
That evening you built a snowman, read the last part of the book, and put your son peacefully to sleep in his bed after singing ‘Silent Night’ to him. You and Tom basked in the sight for a moment, just taking in the calmness of the setting.
And as Tom looked down at you, he thought of how you’d changed him.
*scoff* Lord Voldemort, who’d ever heard of anything so ridiculous?
#masterlist#xreader#smut#fluff#warner sister#angst#x you#Tom#riddle#Tom riddle#Tom x reader#Tom x you#Tom riddle x you#Tom riddle x reader#Tom x yn#Tom x y/n#Tom riddle x y/n#riddle x you#riddle x reader#riddle x y/n#life#good life#Harry potter#Harry#potter#the chamber of sercrets#lord#Voldemort#lord Voldemort#Slytherin
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IN THE SHADOW OF MEMORY
CHAPTER ONE series masterlist
SUMMARY II WC: 3k
When a careless spell erases her memories of Theo, he’s left grappling with the pain of being forgotten. As she returns to seeing him as just another Slytherin, Theo must navigate a world where the love they shared no longer exists—at least, not in her mind. But Theo refuses to give up. He’ll do whatever it takes to remind her of the connection they once had.
WARNINGS: angst, fighting, not 100% canon compliant 
DEDICATION
thank you so much to @amiableness for helping me with chapter! i don’t know what i would do without you and giving me motivation to write this! i love you! 🤎
thank you to @mischievousmoony for helping my brain block i was having and helping me with ideas, you’re amazing and i love you! 🫶🏼
"Is the coast clear?" you whisper to Theo, your heart pounding in your chest. Sneaking into the Room of Requirement had always been nerve-wracking, but with the additional new rules Umbridge had enforced and the rising threat of Voldemort, it felt more dangerous than ever. Even more so because Theo was betraying his own house and friends to be here.
Theo takes another quick glance down the corridor, then nods. He reaches for your hand, his fingers lacing with yours as he pulls you out from your hiding spot.
You both move swiftly and silently toward the wall where the entrance to the Room of Requirement appears. You glance behind you, double-checking to make sure no one is following, before Theo tugs you inside.
Inside, the room is already alive with the sound of practicing defense spells. You and Theo head to the corner that has unofficially become your spot. Some of the others still cast wary glances at Theo, unsure if they can trust a Slytherin among them. Only the Golden Trio seems comfortable with his presence.
As you settle in, the adrenaline from sneaking around begins to subside, but your worry for Theo doesn’t. You can’t help but think about the risks he's taking—defying his father's beliefs, lying to his friends, putting himself in danger—all because he believes in making a change. You know how much he cares for them, and it breaks your heart that he's forced to choose between them and doing what’s right.
You shift closer to Theo, your hand resting lightly on his knee, a silent attempt to anchor him. He’s still tense, his eyes sweeping the room as if on constant alert. Instead of reaching for the textbook like usual, he closes it and sets it aside, surprising you.
“I think we both know enough for now,” he murmurs, his voice heavy with exhaustion. “Let’s practice today instead.”
You know the purpose of these meetings is to practice spells, but the thought of doing so in front of your peers makes your stomach twist with anxiety. The fear of messing up or accidentally hurting someone lingers in your mind, making the idea of participating overwhelming.
Theo, ever attuned to your emotions, senses your hesitation. He gently pulls you closer, wrapping an arm around your shoulders and rubbing your arm in a soothing gesture. “We’ll start simple,” he whispers reassuringly, his lips brushing against the side of your head in a tender kiss. “Just a quick Expelliarmus. You’ve got this.”
His warmth and steady presence begin to melt away your nerves, making the idea of practicing a little less daunting. With Theo by your side, you feel like you can handle whatever comes next.
Reluctantly, you pull away from his embrace, already missing the warmth. Moments like these—where you could be close to him without worrying about prying eyes—were rare. Even in the hallways, you could barely walk side by side without Umbridge or Filch barking at you to separate.
You stand, shrugging off your robe to give yourself more freedom of movement, and follow Theo to an open space.
“Alright, you know the movement, and you’ve seen it done. You’ve got this, amore,” Theo encourages, his words ringing with confidence.
Your muscles tense. If you mess up, the spell could do more than just disarm him; it could knock him out. But when Theo flashes that smile—the one that always makes your heart skip—you find yourself believing you can do it.
You take your stance, feeling the weight of the moment as Theo prepares himself, raising his wand as if ready to duel. With a deep breath, you steady yourself and shout, “Expelliarmus!” The spell shoots out from your wand, hitting its mark perfectly. Theo’s wand flies across the room, landing with a clatter as relief floods through you.
Theo’s grin widens as he claps and cheers, “I knew you could do it, tesoro!”
You watch him jog to retrieve his wand, a warmth spreading through your chest. How did you get so lucky to have him? He’s your anchor, the reason you keep pushing forward. He makes you want to be better, to reach higher.
When Theo returns, he places his hands on either side of your face, his eyes shining with pride. “See? You were amazing. Nothing to worry about,” he murmurs, his voice low and reassuring. He leans in, and you meet him halfway, your lips brushing softly against his.
The kiss is slow and tender, each movement gentle as if savoring the moment. You taste the faint remnants of cigarettes and the sweetness of his breakfast. It’s a kiss that speaks of quiet reassurance, of the bond you share, strong and unwavering.
But then you remember where you are, in front of everyone. You pull back, your lips lingering just a moment longer before you peck his lips one last time, a small smile playing on your face.
“I love you, Theo,” you whisper, your foreheads touching, the world around you fading away as you both savor the closeness of the moment.
But as the saying goes, all good things must come to an end.
As you and Theo are lost in your own world, Harry is practicing a spell, the weight of the war and the responsibility of training others pressing heavily on him. The stress shows in his furrowed brow as he skims through spells in his textbook, landing on Obliviate, the charm to erase specific memories. Whatever memories Harry wants to erase is up for debate, but he doesn’t fully grasp the complexity of the spell.
With only a quick glance at the incantation, he swishes and flicks his wand, but nothing happens. Frustration builds as he tries again, more forcefully, but to no avail. Sweat slicks his palm, and with a sharp, aggressive flick, his wand slips from his grip.
Sparks fly out, ricocheting off the floor and walls. Harry tries to shout a warning, but it’s too late. The spell rebounds, hitting the back of your head and sending you flying into Theo.
Theo barely reacts in time, catching you as you collapse into his chest, limp and unresponsive. His arms instinctively wrap around you as he kneels, lowering you gently to the floor.
You look as if you’re merely asleep, but your breaths come slow and shallow. Panic seizes Theo as he brushes your hair out of your face, his voice trembling.
“Amore, come on, wake up. It’s okay, you’re okay,” he whispers, his mind racing for what to do.
A crowd of students gathers around you both, their whispers only fueling Theo’s panic. He snaps, his voice a sharp contrast to the desperation in his heart. “Who did this?!” he demands, his eyes wild as they scan the frightened faces.
“It was me, I’m sorry, I—” Harry begins, but Theo is on him in an instant, grabbing him by the shirt and pulling him close, his rage palpable.
“You’re dead, Potter!” Theo snarls, his grip tightening.
Fred and George are quick to intervene, pulling Theo off Harry, while Ron helps steady his shaken friend. “Let’s calm down, yeah?” Fred says, trying to reason with Theo. “We need to get her to Madam Pomfrey. She’ll be okay.”
“She better be,” Theo threatens, his voice low and dangerous. He shrugs off the twins and returns to your side, his heart hammering in his chest as he watches your shallow breaths. When someone offers to help, he waves them off, scooping you up in his arms and pushing past everyone, his focus solely on getting you to safety.
Adrenaline courses through him, fueling his every step as he rushes through the empty corridors—thank Merlin—for six floors until he finally bursts into the hospital wing.
He wastes no time, laying you gently on one of the beds. Madam Pomfrey turns to scold him, but the words die in her throat when she sees your unconscious form.
“What happened?” she asks, her tone sharp with concern.
“She was fine one second, then something hit her head, and she just… collapsed,” Theo says, trying to keep his explanation as vague as possible to avoid suspicion.
“It’s okay, Theodore,” Madam Pomfrey reassures him, her voice softening. “I’m sure it’s nothing serious. Let me examine her. Just breathe, grab a chair, alright?”
Theo nods, though he can hardly think straight. He watches anxiously as Madam Pomfrey performs a series of diagnostic spells, her brow furrowing as each result comes back normal.
“I’m not finding anything out of the ordinary, Nott,” she finally says, puzzled. “She seems perfectly fine, just asleep.”
But Theo isn’t looking at her. He’s holding your hand, his thumb gently stroking your skin as he wills you to wake up.
“We’ll wait until she comes around, okay? I’ll let you stay with her overnight to keep an eye on things,” Madam Pomfrey says, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder before drawing a partition around your bed to give you both some privacy.
As soon as she’s gone, Theo chokes back a sob, his worst fears clawing at him. He knows something is wrong—no one just falls unconscious like that from a spell. He pulls the thin blanket up to cover you and leans down to press a soft kiss against your temple.
“I love you too, amore. You’re gonna be okay, alright?” he whispers, his voice cracking as he desperately hopes for a response, his heart aching in the silence.
———
Theo stirred awake as he felt a sudden movement beneath him. His eyes opened groggily, his head lifting from where it had been resting on your stomach, his arm still wrapped around your waist. The scratchy hospital wing blanket was a far cry from the soft one you were used to, but Theo had barely noticed, too consumed by worry to care about his own discomfort.
As you rubbed your eyes harshly, Theo blinked a few times to clear the sleep from his own, running a hand through his tousled hair. He sat up straighter, trying to shake off the remnants of sleep, when he heard your voice—sharp, confused.
“Nott? What are you doing here? And why am I in the hospital wing?”
Theo’s heart dropped. The way you said his name—Nott, not Theo, not love—sent a chill through him. He tensed, trying to keep his voice steady. “Tesoro, you were hit in the head, remember?” He reached out for your hand, desperate to offer some comfort, but you jerked it away before he could touch you.
“This isn’t funny, Nott! What prank are you and your friends pulling now?” Your glare was like a knife to his chest, cutting deep. Theo’s mind raced, trying to process what was happening. This wasn’t right—this wasn’t how it was supposed to go.
He clenched his jaw, forcing himself to stay calm even as panic clawed at him. The way you looked at him, the suspicion and anger in your eyes, made everything clear that something was terribly wrong.
“Please, just listen to me—” he started, but the words felt hollow. His worst fears were playing out right in front of him, and he didn’t know how to make it stop.
Theo jumped to his feet and rushed toward Madam Pomfrey, who was just arriving at the entrance to the hospital wing.
“She’s awake, but she’s acting like she doesn’t know me—please, you have to help,” Theo pleaded, his voice cracking with desperation. He wasn’t one to beg, not unless it was to you, but now the words spilled out uncontrollably, fear gripping his heart.
Madam Pomfrey nodded, quickly following him back to your bedside. You were sitting up, fiddling with your hands, a deep scowl etched on your face. Theo’s stomach churned at the sight—he knew that scowl too well, but it had been a long time since it had been directed at him.
“Good morning, dear! How are you feeling?” Madam Pomfrey asked, her voice warm and calm as she began to check your vitals.
You shrugged, casting a wary glance at Theo, who hovered behind the nurse, his heart pounding in his chest. “I feel okay, just confused about how I ended up here.”
“Alright, I’m going to ask you a series of questions, and I want you to answer them to the best of your ability, alright?”
You nodded, and Madam Pomfrey proceeded with the standard questions—what year it was, who the Minister of Magic was, what you did yesterday. You answered each one correctly, with ease, but Theo’s dread only deepened with every word. Everything you said lined up, except for one glaring omission—there was no mention of him. Not in any of it.
Madam Pomfrey paused, her gaze flicking to Theo before she asked the question that made his blood run cold. “Do you know him?” she asked, pointing to Theo.
You rolled your eyes and huffed, your irritation clear. “Yeah, he’s Theodore Nott, Slytherin. Which I’m still confused about—why is he here?”
Theo felt like the air had been sucked out of the room. The way you looked at him, the casual indifference in your voice, transported him back to a time before everything had changed—before you had opened your heart to him. It was as if the last year and a half had been erased, and the weight of that realization hit him like a ton of bricks. He sucked in a deep breath, trying to keep it together, but the familiar coldness in your eyes made it nearly impossible to breathe.
Theo felt his world collapse around him. He couldn’t stay in that room, couldn’t bear to see you look at him like he was a stranger. As Madam Pomfrey explained to you that you’d been hit in the head and Theo had brought you in, he bolted from the hospital wing, stumbling into the hallway. He leaned against a cold stone column, clutching his chest as panic set in. His heart raced uncontrollably, his breaths shallow and ragged. It was another panic attack, but this time, you weren’t there to help him through it. You didn’t even remember him. All those memories—the ones he cherished most—were gone. And it was all because of Potter.
His vision tunneled, everything blurring except for one thought: Harry had done this. He was the reason Theo’s entire world had been ripped away. And Harry was going to pay.
Theo knew exactly where to find him. He’d memorized Harry’s schedule down to the minute, having spent so much time with you before breakfast as you walked with Hermione and Harry. If he timed it right, he’d catch Harry just before he entered the Great Hall.
As Theo rounded the corner, he spotted the trio ahead. They noticed him too, and he saw the tension rise in their shoulders. But Theo was too far gone to care about what they thought. All he saw was Harry—the cause of all this pain.
Without hesitation, Theo marched straight up to them. His usual calm, calculated demeanor was gone, replaced by a storm of raw, unfiltered anger. He shoved Harry hard, sending him stumbling back, barely managing to stay on his feet.
“Nott, let’s talk about this,” Harry started, his voice laced with caution.
“What was the spell, Potter?” Theo demanded, his voice rough with barely contained fury.
“It was an accident!” Harry insisted, his eyes wide with desperation. “It was Obliviate. I swear, I didn’t mean to hit her!”
Theo’s hand shot out, grabbing Harry by his robe, pulling him close enough to feel the heat of his breath. A twisted smile played on Theo’s lips as he tightened his grip. “Oh, but I’m going to mean to hit you.”
He drew back his fist, ready to make Harry pay for everything he’d taken from him. But just as he was about to strike, your voice cut through the chaos, stopping him cold.
“Nott, what the hell are you doing?!” you yelled, rushing toward them, your eyes flashing with anger.
Harry immediately tried to shield you from the truth. “Trouble, it’s fine, really—”
“No, it’s not fine!” you interrupted, glaring at Theo as you pushed him away from Harry. “I’m sick of Slytherins picking on you-us for no reason!”
Theo felt his heart shatter as he watched you fix Harry’s robe, your attention entirely on his supposed enemy. You had no idea what Harry had done, what he had stolen from both of you.
When you finally turned back to Theo, the disgust in your eyes was a knife to his heart. “You’re pathetic, Nott, and you’ll never change,” you spat, the venom in your words leaving him reeling.
The surrounding students watched in stunned silence, the full weight of what had just happened sinking in. They now understood why Theo had been so close to breaking Harry’s face.
As you turned your back on him and walked away with your friends, Theo stood there, frozen. The disappointment in your eyes, the harshness of your words—it was too much. He felt like he might collapse under the weight of it all. But instead, he just stood there, watching you disappear into the Great Hall, his world crumbling around him.
Your words echoed in his mind, each one cutting deeper than the last. His fists clenched at his sides, nails biting into his palms as he fought to keep from breaking apart. He wanted to scream, to lash out, but all he could do was stand there, helpless and shattered.
The hallway, once filled with tension, was now eerily silent, the students having scattered. Theo was left alone in the aftermath, cold and hollow, the life drained out of him in those few, terrible moments. You had been his anchor, his reason to believe in something beyond the darkness that had always surrounded him. And now you were gone, ripped away by a single, careless spell.
He didn’t know how long he stood there, but when he finally moved, it was like a switch had flipped inside him. He couldn’t let this be the end. He couldn’t lose you. There had to be a way to fix this, to bring you back to him. And if he had to tear the world apart to do it, he would.
first divider @saradika-graphics
#theodore nott x reader#theo nott x reader#theodore nott#theo nott#theodore nott fanfic#theo nott fanfic#slytherin boys#theodore nott series#theo nott series#theodore nott x y/n#theodore nott x you#theo nott x you#theo nott x y/n#moons writing ☾
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Look, the reason I am so against jily being with other people is that they are so endgame that there wouldn’t be a fucking series to even write fanfic about if it weren’t for them literally falling in love.
They are soulmates! Their patronus’ were a corresponding Stag and Doe! I don’t think people understand how rare it is for a couple to have corresponding patronus’ right off the bat!! Not to mention how hung up they were on each other for years before they even got together…not always romantically sure, but God did they have the tension there for the match-and-set when they did finally admit their feelings. And it wasn’t perfect! They both challenged each other! They both defied Voldemort three times! They both loved each other so much that they chose to keep a baby in the middle of a war they were fighting, because he was a product of their love!!!
I understand ship and let ship, I just can’t understand how anyone could look at their characters and not feel cruel to keep them apart in any universe.
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how fitting is it that lily evans, a muggleborn witch, was the one to bring down voldemort? how fitting is it that her love invoked ancient magic, when voldemort didn’t even believe that she had the right to perform magic? how fitting is it that she vanquished his powers through her sheer love for her half-blooded son?
and she was just about the most defiant muggleborn witch imaginable. this is a girl who watched her muggleborn friends being targeted and refused to stay silent, even to her best friend. this is a girl who rejected a pureblooded boy because he was an arrogant bully. this is a girl who defended her best friend against two purebloods, but wasn’t afraid to drop him when he exposed his true bigotry. this is a girl who had the audacity to fall in love with the same pureblooded boy who had never stopped loving her. this is a girl who loved “blood traitors” and werewolves and her muggle family as much as she loved anyone else.
this is a woman who joined the order of the phoenix to fight for others like her. this is a woman who defied voldemort three times alongside her husband. this is a woman who never gave up on her muggle sister. this is a woman who loved her “blood traitor” husband and her half-blooded son with everything she had. this is a woman who was reduced to nothing more than a “silly girl” (dh 344) and a “cockroach” (dh 739) by voldemort, even as he overlooked her most powerful form of magic.
and how heartbreaking is it that the wizarding world never truly understood her impact? harry may have been their “savior”, but it was lily who brought the end of the first war. it was her love that guided harry and helped him to finally defeat the most powerful dark wizard in the world.
lily evans-potter, the unsung savior of the wizarding world.
#lily evans#lily evans potter#lily potter#potter family#james potter#jily#hjp#the order of the phoenix#voldemort#lord voldemort#tom riddle#marauders#marauders era#harry potter#hp
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can you imagine if severus had lived and went on teaching at hogwarts? everyone would think he was the COOLEST TEACHER EVER.
helped save the wizarding world by defying voldemort. dark and mysterious past so any number of rumours could arise. known tendency to do good deeds and not tell anyone, providing scope for the evillest rumours to have some 'greater/secretly good' twist aspect. supposedly brutal death, survived. got the scars to prove it broody, distant personality and will never discuss anything but the work with students, no matter how much they ask.
this is fertile ground for school rumours, the most fertile you've ever seen. when i was in school there was a physics teacher who (rumour had it) used to be a guard at a diamond mine in south africa, and he supposedly had a bullet wound scar - and ignoring the ethics of that for a moment - the girls adored him and thought he was the hottest teacher ever, the guys thought he was so cool, and not a one of us gave a shit about physics
the snape rumours change every day. there's five variations on each one. there's snape lore in the school that you have to brush up on as a first-year. the kids are DESPERATE to get a scathing snape burn in class. when he's cruel and demeaning, the kids' faces LIGHT UP and he's furious that that doesn't work any more so most of the time he gives the class the silent treatment
harry's shouted out everywhere that Sev did it all for Lily, and so the girls and single mums (and some not single mums) think he's the god of romance. suddenly sev finds himself the new Lockhart, and he LOATHES IT
he receives firewhiskey and care packages from thankful parents for the first few years, so much that he has to start re-gifting them in the staffroom, and he even gains a little bit of weight from all the chocolate cauldrons. he stops attending breakfast for the first few weeks, because all the owls with letters of thanks were disruptive
he asks one time in class if anyone had any questions about the cure for boils and EVERY hand goes up. he pauses, surveying the class. "are there any questions about the potion" he says, and every hand goes down - but one.
"did you ever use this potion defeat Voldemort"
he considers resigning in that moment, but at least hogwarts keeps him away from his #1 enemy - media attention. kids are easier to keep in line than journalists. unfortunately the other teachers think all of this is hilarious, and give him a daily run-down of their favourites in the staffroom
eventually Sev starts putting out his own far-fetched rumours via staged, easily overheard conversations near students with minerva - just to be a little shit about it. [edit to add: @redabeline wrote a fic!!]
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This Week in Tomarrymort (12 – 19 September 2024)
Hi everyone, so sorry this is a couple of days late this week! Will be back on the normally scheduled time next week!
As with last week, please feel free to add a little overview/summary about your update to the notes! I so enjoyed reading all the notes last week 🤍
(And in case you missed, a recap of the extra notes from last week!)
Ills of Murder by @shadow-of-the-eclipse (E, 37k, WIP) [source] "Harry comes in swinging from a bleak version of sixth and seventh years, fully intending to kill Tom. Unfortunately it seems the only people Tom and Harry are incapable of killing is the other. Harry's on attempt 4 and counting and this time he gives up on spells and decides to punch Tom Riddle's nose off. Tom's still utterly enamoured with him." friend of the devil (a friend of mine) by @shyinsunlight (E, 11k, WIP) [source] "When after four long years Harry and Tom meet again, the world turns upside down. Or maybe it was upside down all along, and it’s now flipping back over." These Fragments We've Shored by @rowena-rain (M, 23k, WIP) [source] "Things have gone from bad to worse, and Harry is finally about ready to take matters into his own hands…even if it means defying the normal laws of Magic and actually doing something for himself for once. (Guess which one will be harder for him 😂) In this update, Harry and Voldemort unexpectedly come face to face for the first time since the Dark Lord's death…which leads to a disturbing realization for Harry." Anytime, Anywhere, Always by @moontearpensfic (E, 13k, WIP) [source] "A Harry-corrupts-Tom AU: Tom expects to feel victorious at his greatest enemy's confession. Instead, he develops a crush on him." the crushing weight of cancelling your fav by @cindle-writes (M, 4k, complete) [source] "Tom Riddle has made millions and built a cult following around his politics-themed online stream, much to his boyfriend Harry’s bemusement. However, bemusement quickly turns into concern when Harry meets one of Tom’s biggest, most fervent fanboys, Regulus Black."
Now onto the updates from this week!
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Tomarrymort One Shots and Completed Fic
Chapter 22 (Completed) of A Shot in the Dark by Ragdolly
One Shot | The Dinner by moontear for @moontearpensfic
One Shot | There's Something About (The Way You Are) by Ragdolly
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Tomarrymort Ongoing Fics
Chapter 12 of the stars, my destination by @milkandmoon-ao3
Chapter 1 of bad moon rising by sansaerys
Chapter 11 of Sits the wind in that quarter by @mosiva
Chapter 2 of a pound of flesh by @ictyn
Chapter 8 of Saint Harry by @alenablack @chaos-bear
Chapter 34 of Part One - The Solitude of Suffering by @iseliljathedreamer
Chapter 18 of Date Ideas for the Linguistically Inclined by Antique_Mango
Chapter 14 of Double-Aspect Paradox by TimaeusKosmou
Chapter 6 of God is a Wizard by @onehitpleb
Chapters 121 through 123 of Liquida Tenebris (Remastered) by @dymis
Chapter 17 of Learning to love by @l-archiduchesse
Chapter 1 of The Cosmos In Your Eyes by @v33r00
Chapter 7 of Do It Over by @thefangirlibrarian
Chapter 6 of These Fragments We've Shored by @rowena-rain
Chapter 21 of Time Stumbler by Wintumn
Chapter 4 of Hole in the Wall by tomrddle
Chapters 1 through 3 of Fetters of the Damned by @sc0rpiflow3r
Chapter 16 of Outrunning the Villain in You by @zenyteehee
Chapter 5 of midnight train by @girl-with-goats
Chapter 43 of Of Monsters, Of Men by @ca-xan-dra
Chapter 2 of the body is a blade by @lovely-lotus
Chapter 2 of Dream a little dream (of me) by @cenedrariva
Chapter 12 of Just Business by @holaolla1
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#tomarry#tomarrymort#harrymort#tomarrymort recs#aethon recs#tomarry recs#ao3 recs#fanfic recs#hp fic recs#harrymort recs#tomarry weekly#this week in tomarrymort
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ahh... Why it's always a good fic that disappoint you so utterly with some of the things? Was reading a Ron and Harry fic, and honestly it's too good, not wholly bout the ship but intermingled with the plot. And then the author goes and make Sirius of all people a (little?) Homophobe. I genuinely can't believe it. One moment he's all good and funny and next he's talking bout it in such weird way? And Lupin of all people goes and talks like oh he's such a moral compass. I've never been so utterly disappointed with a fic to right about it on tumblr. But it was so good, till that part it was so good, the writing and the characters, not a single off thing. But fuck this one hurts.
EDIT- Cause damn I think I took it too far? But yeah that was my bias against oh so moral everything right Remus. It wasn't that bad. I mean remus part was but Sirius part wasn't if it makes sense? Idk when this fic was written but if it was written around the time when everyone used to think remus as moral compass than I think I can forget bout this bitty problem cause the fic is genuinely awesome.
#Don't know if I should continue reading it or not#I've this biased against remus moral compass lupin that I've half a mind to stop#But it's still good#But it hurts#Harry Potter#ronarry#The part where he goes you both caring bout eo so much might be a problem in moody's eyes when he sends you on mission#And like#Fucking hell he cared for his father lot more than that#Being hid secret keeper and what not#Fucking hell#That was the moment to tell him no#Love doesn't make you weak#Could have gone with Jily even#Thrice defied Voldemort and whatnot#God's#ron and harry#Rarry#Fic#Ao3
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Dumbledore's Manipulations: Part 6(?)
I just reread the scene in Deathly Hallows of Dumbledore and Snape on Snape's memories after Lily died, and that entire scene reminded me of the scene at the end of book 5. After Sirius died and Harry was having his breakdown.
Snape breaking down in front of Dumbledore after Lily dies:
“Her son lives. He has her eyes, precisely her eyes. You remember the shape and color of Lily Evans’s eyes, I am sure?” “DON’T!” bellowed Snape. “Gone. . . dead. . . ” “Is this remorse, Severus?” “I wish. . . I wish I were dead. . . ” “And what use would that be to anyone?” said Dumbledore coldly. “If you loved Lily Evans, if you truly loved her, then your way forward is clear.” Snape seemed to peer through a haze of pain, and Dumbledore’s words appeared to take a long time to reach him. “What—what do you mean?” “You know how and why she died. Make sure it was not in vain. Help me protect Lily’s son.” “He does not need protection. The Dark Lord has gone—” “The Dark Lord will return, and Harry Potter will be in terrible danger when he does.” There was a long pause, and slowly Snape regained control of himself, mastered his own breathing. At last, he said, “Very well. Very well. But never—never tell, Dumbledore! This must be between us! Swear it! I cannot bear. . . especially Potter’s son. . . I want your word!” “My word, Severus, that I shall never reveal the best of you?” Dumbledore sighed, looking down into Snape’s ferocious, anguished face. “If you insist. . . ”
(DH, 573)
Harry breaking down in front of Dumbledore after Sirius dies:
“There is no shame in what you are feeling, Harry,” said Dumbledore’s voice. “On the contrary . . . the fact that you can feel pain like this is your greatest strength.” Harry felt the white-hot anger lick his insides, blazing in the terrible emptiness, filling him with the desire to hurt Dumbledore for his calmness and his empty words. “My greatest strength, is it?” said Harry, his voice shaking as he stared out at the Quidditch stadium, no longer seeing it. “You haven’t got a clue. . . . You don’t know . . .” “What don’t I know?” asked Dumbledore calmly. It was too much. Harry turned around, shaking with rage. “I don’t want to talk about how I feel, all right?” “Harry, suffering like this proves you are still a man! This pain is part of being human —” “THEN — I — DON’T — WANT — TO — BE — HUMAN!” [...] “Let me out,” Harry said yet again, in a voice that was cold and almost as calm as Dumbledore’s. “Not until I have had my say,” said Dumbledore. [...] “It meant,” said Dumbledore, “that the person who has the only chance of conquering Lord Voldemort for good was born at the end of July, nearly sixteen years ago. This boy would be born to parents who had already defied Voldemort three times.” Harry felt as though something was closing in upon him. His breathing seemed difficult again. “It means — me?” [...] “I am afraid,” said Dumbledore slowly, looking as though every word cost him a great effort, “that there is no doubt that it is you.”
(OotP, 823)
I just, found these two scenes awfully similar in tone when reading the one in Deathly Hallows last night.
In both Snape/Harry are in emotional turmoil after the most important person to them dies. Both feel like dying (Snape: "I wish I were dead", Hary: "then I don't want to be human"). Both shout at Dumbledore when he speaks all too calmly of things they don't want/need to hear at that moment.
And Dumbledore speaks calmly and coldly to both of them, revealing information he hid from them both (to Snape he tells about Voldemort's immortality, to Harry he tells about the Prophecy) before guilting them through their grief into what he needs them to do.
Now, I'm not exactly blaming him, because, from his position, he needs Snape as a spy and he needs Harry to be willing to do anything to kill Voldemort — to take Voldemort as his responsibility. Dumbledore needs these things to happen to have the best chance of completing his plan to defeat Voldemort.
I just, can't help but note how cold it is. How cold and manipulative Dumbledore can be when he feels he needs to be. Even as he explains his care for Harry as a flaw in his plan, he speaks calmly and simply. And he is right caring about Harry is a flaw, because he always planned for Harry to die. He knew since he saw the scar on Harry's forehead:
“I guessed, fifteen years ago,” said Dumbledore, “when I saw the scar upon your forehead, what it might mean. I guessed that it might be the sign of a connection forged between you and Voldemort.”
(OotP, 826)
And even if I think Dumbledore is honest in that he'd rather Harry wouldn't die, I don't think he cares for him as much as he says he does. In the same way, he's very cold towards Snape even years later when he tells him Harry must die. (I don't think Snape and Dumbledore are actually friends)
Idk, I just read the scene in DH with Snape and it really reminded me of the scene with Harry at the end of OotP.
#harry potter#hp#hp meta#hollowedtheory#harry potter meta#harry james potter#albus dumbledore#albus dumbledore critical#severus snape
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so interesting to me that people use the prophecy and harry being born to defeat voldemort as this idea that jily was predestined to exist, as if the things that made it possible for harry to have the hability to defeat voldemort did not all came down to snape loving lily so much he risked his life to ask voldemort to spare her which made her able to sacrifice herself and in consequence gave harry the love protection necessary to defeat voldemort. there were probably dozens of men and women that defied voldemort 3 times, so many babies born at the end of July. even the potters were an arbitrary decision, as we see with the longbottoms existing. but there was only one Lily and one Severus
#“oh you make everything about snily” not my fault if theyre haunting this entire narrative#severus snape#lily evans#snily#anti jily? probably#also THE PROPHECY IS SELF FULLFILING I CANT BELIEVE WE ARE HAVING DESTINY DISCUSSIONS IN 2024#if voldemort just ignored the prophecy none of this wouldve happened and harry would be the normalest rich kid in the block i promise#long story short the thing that differentiates harry from neville or other babies born in similar conditions is snape loving lily
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THE AUDIENCE CLAMOURS FOR YOUR VOLMIONE TAKE!!!!!!!!! In all seriousness the curiously is piqued tenfold by the fact that you go hard to bat for the other two voldemort/golden trio ships
i've definitely been putting this one off, anon, but it's hermione's birthday, and since the requests have kept coming...
maybe i have to grit my teeth and get through it.
i am, like my good pal @yorickofyore, broadly a tomione/volmione disliker - which is a spoiler for what follows. there are - obviously - huge numbers of people who are not, and they may sit happily in their ecosystem while i flop around photosynthesising in mine.
and the reason why i don't like tomione/volmione is right there in the last three screenshots: it relies - like several other hermione pairings, snamione and sirimione chief among them - on a portrayal of hermione's intellectual expression which bears absolutely no relation to how this is written in canon.
across all seven books in the series, hermione's intellect primarily manifests itself in a sincerely impressive ability to retain and repeat information [very usually verbatim from the source she got it from]. she is able to use this ability to retain information to understand the theoretical components of magic in a way neither harry nor ron ever manage, and she is then able to apply this retention - that is, to repeat the information she has acquired - of knowledge to the performance of magic which is [often considerably] ahead of her expected level both in terms of the hogwarts curriculum and in terms of what would be seen as the median ability of an adult witch or wizard.
but hermione is never shown - at any point in canon - to be a particularly radical, creative, or experimental thinker.
she places an enormous amount of intellectual trust in disciplinary authority - not only in the respect she has for following textbooks and teachers to the letter [hence why she won't attempt any of the modifications in the half-blood prince's textbook, she thinks it's offensive that they contradict the "official" peer-reviewed and sanctioned instructions] but also in her agreement with the gatekeeping imposed by the state and/or its authorities on academic inquiry.
[hence her disliking the invented spells in the half-blood prince's textbook because they're not ministry approved, or her easing her discomfort at having read the books from which voldemort learned to make a horcrux by insisting - undoubtedly correctly - that dumbledore wanted her to do it and she therefore has the permission of an intellectual authority].
she's immediately mistrustful of anything she can't find [something she regards as] an empirical source for - which is why harry's mental connection with voldemort frightens her so much, or why she thinks that harry's lost his mind when he begins to insist the deathly hallows are real and important, or, most famously, why she thinks divination is bullshit.
she's never shown to be able to synthesise her knowledge [she never answers questions in class in her own words, she always goes massively over word limits], or to use it in ways which are considerably removed from its typical application.
[the protean charm on the da coins, for example - the magic she's using is sophisticated, and is being applied in a way which wouldn't necessarily be classroom-sanctioned, since she's using it to defy umbridge, but the evidence of canon is that it's not magic which is being used in a way which is removed from the spell's original purpose. terry boot is impressed because he's looking at a flawless execution of newt-level magic by a sixteen-year-old, rather than because hermione is using that magic in an unusual way. the same is true of the polyjuice potion - it's impressive because she brews it flawlessly aged thirteen.]
this is a very logical, rational, and scientific approach to learning - and one which the series, which tends to take a dim view of anything which deviates too far from the status quo, views extremely positively - and it is intelligence. i know some people think that when i say this about hermione i'm saying that she isn't clever - or that i'm saying she's less clever than the characters [all of whom are male] that the series permits to be "brilliant" - but that's not the case. hermione is clearly extremely clever - and her logical, empirical, careful approach comes in clutch for the trio throughout the series, right from philosopher's stone. her intellectual expression just isn't the only way intelligence can manifest itself - and it isn't an intellectual expression which will automatically mesh with another very clever person's approach.
which is to say... lord voldemort, both as a teen and an adult, is - intellectually - the complete opposite of hermione.
he is someone - as he tells us - who thinks of magic as a creative force he has every right to shape as he sees fit, something whose boundaries he has the inherent right to smash through. he rejects disciplinary authority [his loathing of dumbledore - as an adult, at least - is because he thinks that dumbledore is a petty-minded gatekeeper who attempts to repress the dark arts - magic, snape tells us, which is inherently ever-changing, unfixed, mutating - because he's afraid of them and their refusal to be neatly contained in disciplinary boxes; his appeal to slughorn's authority is purely a manipulation technique]. he is an adaptor and inventor, and he uses magic in ways which radically deviate from its intended purpose.
and so the common "teen tom riddle and hermione are at school together" trope that they'd both get off on being academic rivals is, in my view, impossible to justify while keeping either of them remotely canon-coherent. she's going to think he's a cunt. he's going to think she's irrelevant.
indeed, i genuinely think the most likely scenario if the two are at school together is that the teen voldemort wouldn't be able to pick hermione out of a line-up - not least because she has very little to offer him when it comes to his plans for world domination.
when it comes to those he's "nice" to, the teenage tom riddle targets the socially prominent, rich, and influential, whom he can use parasitically to his own ends.
he's happy, undoubtedly, to have minions who are less useful to him from a social-advancement perspective, but who come in handy as pawns in his schemes - as dumbledore puts it, "the weak seeking protection, the ambitious seeking some shared glory, and the thuggish gravitating toward a leader who could show them more refined forms of cruelty" - but this is the only thing he sees them as. hermione has a capacity for cruelty he would undoubtedly see potential in [even if he would probably be wary of her "run and tell teacher" vibe], but as someone who does his bidding only, rather than anyone for whom he's willing to fake [or, indeed, to actually feel] any degree of mutual affection.
and i do think this - in and of itself - is interesting. hermione is someone - as i've said elsewhere - who has a tendency towards blind loyalty, which often causes her to accept people she likes and/or respects treating her cruelly [something we see in canon particularly in how she reacts to snape's behaviour towards her]. she's also someone who is incredibly deferential to authority, fairly naive, convinced she's always right, convinced she's not irrational, superstitious, or emotionally-driven, and capable of pretty egregious cruelty in pursuit of being rational and correct.
or, in other words, she's very easy for a flesh-and-blood voldemort to manipulate.
[she's not at risk from a horcrux because she's possessed of the empirical fact that they can't hurt you if you don't let them get emotionally close to you, which impacts how she behaves around the locket.]
on the rare occasions when i've enjoyed fics with this pairing, then, they've tended to be ones which actually acknowledge this - and which have hermione completely destroyed by a voldemort [usually in adult form] who has never cared one iota about her, all because she was convinced she'd be far too clever to fall for his tricks.
[my rec: enigma by devdevlin.]
and this is the main way my view of tomione/volmione deviates from my view of tomarrymort or ronmort - i don't think there's any circumstance where it can ever work as something mutual, whereas the entire point of tomarrymort is that the relationship is something voldemort perceives as equal, and ronmort sees the dark lord running headfirst into ron's ability to disarm and confuse him by possessing a crumb of emotional intelligence. i don't think voldemort would hate hermione - or even be particularly irritated by her - but nor do i think he'd find anything about her interesting enough to make him want to keep her around for any longer than she was useful.
but - like so many hermione pairings - the default in tomione/volmione tends to be "omg, hermione is so hot, brilliant, and fascinating that [insert man here] becomes completely obsessed with her". whether the story leads to voldemort becoming a better person or hermione going over to the dark side, the way the pairing is written always assumes that hermione is someone voldemort would consider [often very quickly] important to him [even in circumstances where she is a prisoner]. only very rarely do fics ever explore the much more canon-justifiable - and, in my view, much more interesting - idea that voldemort is somebody hermione could and would consider important, while he wouldn't give a single fuck about her.
[neither of them give a shit about dead rabbits though. it's the only thing they have in common.]
#asks answered#asenora's opinions on ships#hermione granger#tom riddle#lord voldemort#not tagging the ship for obvious reasons
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this says a lot about Snape's character development for me. There are many parallels drawn throughout the series between Harry and Snape; obviously, they're very different characters but there are similarities too.
I think here Snape is talking about himself. The teenaged Snape we see in the Pensieve is very much like this- emotional, heart on his sleeve, easily provoked, a definite wallower in sad memories... weak. Adult Snape, though he retains some of these characteristics that do emerge in stressful moments (in PoA we see how angrily he reacts to Sirius's escape, for instance) on the whole is a great deal more thoughtful, reserved, calculating, measured.
I think that Snape at some point had to force himself to become this. I think he actually relates to Harry here, and is giving him advice based on personal experience. In my fic he begins to learn to control his emotions partially out of a desire to protect Lily; he's fully aware that she's his weakness (or really, his strength, viewed a different way) and that openly displaying any sort of emotion towards her at all makes her vulnerable to the likes of Avery and Mulciber, who will have the perfect weapon to get to him if they want to.
Severus doesn't have the advantages of his peers, he's not pureblood, he wasn't born into money. If he wants to join the Death Eaters and rise in their ranks, he needs to be subtle, cunning, careful. he can't afford to be careless and entitled like mulciber or bellatrix or even sirius. what he's got to offer isn't his name or his money, it's his sheer talent and cleverness. moving on:
When Voldemort decides to go after Lily this becomes even more important. Imo the reason why Voldemort believes that Snape only "desired" Lily is because that's what Snape told him. He lied to Voldemort's face and told him something probably disgusting tbh because that's the only way Voldemort would accept it and agree, if it was a selfish, callous request that Voldemort could understand. We can see evidence of this here:
Asking Voldemort to spare a mudblood because he was in love with her would likely not have gone over well- and as we know, Voldemort actually bore his request in mind, though obv didn't give enough of a fuck about Snape to follow through. Because although asking voldemort to spare her must have taken serious balls, Snape's mistake here was trusting someone inherently selfish to do something selfless for him.
Clearly he immediately realises this and goes to Dumbledore, which is when controlling his emotions becomes of paramount importance, because now he's working against perhaps the most highly accomplished legilimens of all time.
It's also interesting to me that Snape in this conversation is probably the character who is most forthright and informative with Harry in the whole of OotP until Dumbledore at the end; Harry actually learns a lot in this conversation. And Snape also kind of gives him credit which is interesting too:
like for Snape that's high praise lmao. A shame because if he wasn't so bitter (i.e. didn't wear his heart on his sleeve so much around harry) then he might have actually been pretty helpful to Harry and a decent teacher. Again, during the Occlumency lessons his unrestrained emotion brought up by memories of James is a hindrance. He defies Dumbledore's orders to teach Harry Occlumency because of his emotional response to SWM, as well as honestly doing kind of a shit job before that (by not being empathetic and teaching Harry in a way that would've been actually productive.)
At this point Dumbledore believes that Harry learning Occlumency and controlling his emotions is of vital importance; he turns out to be wrong about this. In Harry's case, it turns out to be his emotional nature that saves him- unlike Snape, who is the opposite. Snape's journey is about learning that some things are more important than his selfish need to give into his own emotions.
By DH Snape's learned this lesson fully; his old hatred for James doesn't stop him from doing what has to be done, from giving Harry the tools he needs. Even in the final moments of his life, he can look past James and see Lily in Harry- and, by giving Harry the information that leads to his self-sacrifice, he can let her go.
#sorry if this is kind of incoherent lmao its late#but this occlumency scene is so good tbh. the conversation between them is rly interesting#severus snape#meta#honestly the way snape views harry must be so complex and contradictory like no wonder he cant get a grip when harrys around lol#SORRY this got so long rip#severus
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