#self sacrifice tw

[a-reader-and-a-writer-for-all]

Burning Love

AI-Less Whumptober 2024: Day 26. Burning Fandom: MCU, Bucky Barnes, Winter Soldier, f!reader Summary: When you and Bucky are captured, HYDRA scientists try to force you to use your powers to kill him. But you refuse to hurt the man you love, regardless of how much pain it may cause you... Word Count: 2171 TW: Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Whump, Burning, Torture, Self-Sacrifice, Self-Inflicted Wounds, Laser Beams, Damaged Vision, Bucky Carries Reader, Happy Ending Notes: Thank you to @ohtobeleah for looking this over for me 💞 Part of @ailesswhumptober's event

“Doll, please, open your eyes.” The desperation in Bucky’s voice as he pleads with you breaks your heart, but it’s better than the alternative if you comply with his wishes.

You twitch your head as much as the leather restraint across your forehead will allow, your eyes squeezed tightly shut. Through gritted teeth, you grunt, “Not gonna happen, Sarge.”

The pain coursing through you is horrible, but knowing what it would do to Bucky if you gave in is enough to make it bearable—somewhat. Unlike his body, yours is more equipped to handle the damage caused by the laser beams you can shoot from your eyes. While it has taken maybe an hour to get to this point��where your eyelids and surrounding skin are charred, bubbly, and blackened like a flamed-broiled marshmallow—you would have cut through Bucky’s flesh in seconds. Which is why you are fighting so hard to protect him from your open eyes. 

“Turn it off,” a frustrated voice growls behind you. “We'll have to try something else.”

The searing sensation in your eyes disappears and you shift against the numerous restraints holding you into the metal chair. It feels so violating to have these HYDRA scientists hooking you up to their machinery, digging through your brain, and activating your beams as they see fit. You wonder if this is how Bucky used to feel back when he was the Winter Soldier.

As the scientists fiddle with the equipment behind you, you hear a tender voice call out to you. “Are you okay?”

“Right as rain,” you mumble. “How you doing, Buck?” The last thing you saw before you began forcing yourself to keep your eyes closed was Bucky being strapped into his own chair directly across from you.

“Horrible. Watching you barbeque yourself just to spare me…Doll, you can’t keep doing this. You won’t survive it much longer.”

You gave him a wry chuckle. “I’ve been accidentally burning myself with these things my entire life. I can take it.”

“For how long?” You don’t answer. “Please, look at me. I need to see you’re okay behind all of this.”

As much as you want nothing more in this world than to stare into Bucky’s loving gaze one last time, it’s not worth the potential cost. “I can’t. They could turn them back on at any second and…I can’t risk it.” 

“I’m not worth all the pain they’re putting you through. I don’t deserve this kind of sacrifice—not after everything I’ve done.”

Smiling in his direction, you whisper, “When will you stop blaming yourself for what they made you into and see the man you truly are? The man I love.”

It sounds like Bucky is about to say something else but, before he can, an angry voice from behind you barks out, “I’m tired of this game. Increase the power.”

Bucky screams, “No!”

Suddenly, the pain behind your eyes increases exponentially and the pressure within your head becomes unbareable. An inhuman screech is ripped from your lips. Something in your vocal cords snaps under the strain. You smell the faint whiff of burning hair mixed in with your cooking flesh and wonder if the last of your eyelashes have finally been seared off. Your bare toes scrap against the cold concrete as they involuntarily curl as all the muscles in your body contract. Every other part of your body is restrained by the straps holding you down, but you begin violently shaking as the tension within you becomes too great.

The small part of your mind that’s still coherent wonders if your eyes roll back into your head if you’ll fry your brain and end this torture. Maybe it is worth it to try.

You have no idea how long they keep your beams on this time—all your remaining focus and energy is on keeping your eyes closed. Bucky is screaming, crying, begging, but his voice sounds echoey and far away so you can’t make out his words. You aren’t sure what HYDRA will do to him once you’re gone, but you pray he fights them with everything he has.

Finally, the machine behind you is flipped off and your body sags against your restraints. Without them, you know you’d topple to the floor, no longer possessing the energy to hold yourself up. Everything hurts now, not just your eyes. But you’re still alive which means you aren’t done fighting.

You hear footsteps approaching and you recognize the voice of the man in charge as he curses, kicking one of the legs of your chair. “This is ridiculous. How many of you fucking idiots does it take to make her kill the Soldier? Just pry her eyes open, clamp them in place, and turn the machine back on.”

You grin weakly, feeling blood dripping down your chin where you had bit your tongue. With your ruined voice, you croak, “You can try, but the second any of you put a finger near my eyes, I’m burning it off.” 

The man beside you yanks on the restraint across your forehead, tightening it to the point you feel bones crack. You let out a soft whimper as the man growls, “Fine. We’ll turn it up to full power and leave it on. Let her burn completely through her eyelids. Then we’ll get the results we want.” You hear him turn and march away.

For the first time, your resolve wavers as a small sob bubbles up in your chest. Your body may be resistant to your beams and can repair wounds sustained from them, but it takes time. If these scientists can make you burn through your eyelids—and based on how everything is starting to look a little brighter through your closed lids, it seems like a very real possibility—then there is nothing you can do to stop them from hitting and killing Bucky. 

You hear the scientists murmuring and fiddling with equipment somewhere far behind you, but you still don’t dare open your eyes in case someone is still at the machine and flips it on the moment you look at Bucky. Yet it won’t matter for much longer if they carry out their plan. 

“Doll…” The word is whispered so low you can barely hear it.

“Buck…,” It’s hard to whisper with your ruined voice, the sound more of a croak than a real word. But you hope he can understand you with his super-soldier hearing. “I’m sorry. I-I can’t stop this.”

“I know. You’ve done so good so far.” Even in a whisper, the love in his voice feels like a comforting embrace. “But I have a plan. You just gotta trust me.” 

“I do. You know I do.” 

“Then when I tell you to open your eyes and turn on your beams, whether they’re making you or not.”

You sob, “But Bucky—”

“Trust me!” he hisses. 

“Okay…okay, I’ll do it.”

He lets out a sigh of relief. “Thank you, Doll. Whatever happens, I love you. And this isn’t your fault.”

A single tear escapes your ruined eyes and rolls down your scared cheek. “I love you too. But we both know, it is.”

Bucky doesn’t respond. However, you can hear a soft scraping and shuffling from his vicinity. Maybe he found a way to escape. Or maybe…he couldn’t be asking you to kill him. After all the pain and suffering you’d put yourself through to keep him alive, he wouldn’t have you take him out now just to end both of your pain…would he?

But you promised to trust him and you do, so when you hear him mutter, “All the way down and to the right. Now!”, you follow his instructions.

Shifting your gaze behind closed lids as far to the right and downward as they’ll go, you open your eyes and blast without a second's hesitation. 

Your beams strike Bucky in the center of his left forearm, just a few inches above his wrist. Even though it is his metal arm, you are horrified. You thought he had found a way to get you to blast open his cuffs or melt his chair, and in a way, even killing him instantly would be better than this. His vibranium arm is advanced enough that it still allows him to feel sensations such as texture, pressure, and—what concerns you in this situation—temperature and even pain. Instead of ending his life with one blast, you are now forcing him to endure the same agony you have been going through. 

As the metal begins to glow under the intense heat of your beams, you want to screw your eyes shut once more. But Bucky told you to do this and you promised to trust him. Even though he is grunting and panting because of the pain, he isn’t telling you to stop so you keep your beams focused on his arm. 

Eventually, the red-hot glow expands and soon reaches his wrist. In moments, the metal restraint liquifies and Bucky wrenches his arm free. Without having to be told, you slam your eyes shut once more.

You can hear the sounds of fighting all around you: guns firing until their clips run empty, flesh sizzling against metal followed by screams of agony, bodies being flung around the room and crashing to the floor. 

But then everything goes silent.

For a minute, nothing happens. You are just about to call out when a pair of lips press lightly against yours. Jumping slightly, you quickly recognize the kiss. You try to lean into it but the strap across your forehead holds you firmly in place. 

Parting from your lips and pressing his forehead against yours, Bucky whispers, “It’s okay. You can open your eyes now. It’s just you and me.”

Slowly, you peel your eyes open. The world is cloudy and out of focus with huge black spots obstructing your vision. And yet, there was no mistaking the person kneeling in front of you. 

Weakly, you smile. “Hi.”

“Hi,” he murmurs back.

“H-how bad?”

Bucky’s brow furrows as he runs his thumb gently around the edge of your eye socket, the now cooled metal somewhat soothing against your damaged skin. “It’s really bad, but I’m hoping it’s worse than it looks. Once you get checked out—”

“Not me,” you whisper. “How badly did I hurt you?”

You can hear the smile in his voice even though you can’t make it out. “I’ve had a lot worse. And it’s because of you that it was as minimal as it was. You should’ve just vaporized my head from the very start.” 

“Nah. I knew we’d find a way out eventually.”

“Liar,” he teases. Then, with a more serious tone, he asks, “How’s your vision? You’re blinking an awful lot and that can’t be comfortable.”

You try to think of how to describe what you are seeing. “I can see some shapes, colors, movements…that’s about it. No details. But even that’s a miracle at this point. I’ve never burned myself this badly before.”

“Will they…will they heal?”

You try to shrug but you are still strapped to the chair. “They should. They always have before. Healing the burns is tied into my powers.” You swallow and flinch at the sharp stab of pain cutting down your throat. “My voice, however, might be another story.”

Bucky gently runs his fingers down the side of your neck. “I’m sure SHIELD has some specialists who can help you. But first, we’ve got to get back to them. So let’s get you out of that chair.”

He began unlocking each of your restraints and you can’t stop a moan from escaping. Your skin had been rubbed raw where the metal dug into your skin, and your muscles ache from how tensely they had been clenched in pain. Bucky must have noticed this, because as he undoes each strap, he massages the area, loosening up the muscles enough to ease some of the tension. But every inch of you still throbs in pain. 

As Bucky unlatches the last restraint, he asks, “Do you think you can walk?”

“I’m not sure. Everything hurts. But maybe once I get going—” You try to rise from the seat but barely make any progress before collapsing back down. You look up at Bucky sheepishly. “I guess that’s a no.”

Carefully, he lifts you into his arms and carries you towards the exit. You can’t see where you’re going and the slight bobbing of your vision as he walks is giving you a headache. 

Leaning your head against his chest, you let your damaged eyes drift softly closed. Then you mutter, “I think I need to sleep for a bit. Helps my recovery time.”

You feel Bucky’s lips brush against your temple. “Rest, Doll. I’ll take it from here.”

Nodding softly, you begin slipping into a deep slumber. You are still in a lot of pain, but you don’t regret a single moment of what happened. You’d do it all again if at the end you could be safe in Bucky’s arms once more.

[actress4him]

Whumptober 2023 - Day 28 - The Shadow of Death

This is a canon piece that follows after Take Me Instead, the beginning of their captivity with Kane. Bruno and Kane belong to Izzy. Mind the tags!

Taglist: @painful-pooch , @sssunshinebreeze

Masterlist

No. 28: “We might not make it to the morning; so go on and tell me now.” | Sacrifice

Contains: lady whump, dude whump, aftermath of vaguely implied noncon, dissociation, captivity, restraints, panic, talk of death, talk of self-sacrifice

.

.

“Kamaria.”

The name floats past her, in and out of her hearing, without meaning anything. Nothing means anything. Nothing is real, the world around her is warped and she floats through it. 

“Kamaria…please. Come back to me, my love.”

A single coherent thought crosses her mind - I don’t want to come back. She doesn’t know why. She has the distinct feeling, though, that if she thinks about it too hard, she’s going to regret it. 

It’s too late, though. The voice keeps beckoning her, and her mind is drawn to it, wanting to identify it and see what it wants. She hears it louder, clearer, and the walls of the room begin to come into focus, then suddenly she’s awake, she’s lying on the ground, there are chains around her wrists and ankles and throat and she hurts. There’s so much pain, and she remembers why. She remembers, before everything went away and she started floating, that she was screaming, and screaming, and screaming, and she couldn’t stop.

She’s screaming now, she realizes. Something between screams and sobs, ripping straight from her chest. She wants to go back to the place where everything was meaningless. She doesn’t want to remember, but now she can’t do anything but remember. 

The one thing she’s always feared finally happened. She’s relived it in her dreams over and over again, the night when she, as a young girl, had to witness her friends and family being attacked. She’s imagined it happening to herself nearly as many times. And now it has. 

Just because it’s over doesn’t mean the fear is gone, though. It’s still choking her, like it’s happening all over again right here, right now. 

“Kamaria, please. It’s over. I’m here.”

Bruno. He’s always tried to keep her safe. He tried this time, too, but he couldn’t. He can’t save her now, from her fear and her memories, but she clings to his voice, anyway. 

“Help, help, help me, help me please…” She doesn’t know what she’s saying, the words spill out on the heels of her sobs as she rolls toward him, trying to find his face through a blur of tears.

“I’m here, I’m right here, love.” His voice is hoarse, a barely-there rasp. She remembers now, that in the midst of her own screaming, he was screaming, too. A heartrending sound that she could barely even focus on. Right now it sounds like he might be crying along with her. “It’s just us. No one else is here. Just breathe, okay? Breathe, Kamaria.”

She can’t breathe, not as long as this pain persists, reminding her of everything that just happened. But she tries. For Bruno, she tries to calm herself. Her eyes finally latch onto his, whole body trembling as she forces deeper breaths into her lungs. 

“That’s it, there you go. You’re okay. You’re okay.”

Her face crumples and a fresh batch of tears begin pouring down her cheeks. She hasn’t cried like this in so many years, but she has no control over it right now. She’s so weak. None of this should have ever happened, she should have been able to fight it, but there were just so many of them. And even now, she should be able to handle it. She’s experienced much worse pain than this so many times, has been in so many horrible situations. Why must this be the thing that has her coming undone?

“Ey lamoste, ey lamoste.” He doesn’t need to have to deal with her right now, they need to be figuring out a way to get free and get out of here. She sucks in another breath, trying mostly in vain to wipe her cheek on her shoulder. 

“No, you have no need to be sorry. I’m sorry. So, so sorry, Kamaria, I…I tried, but it wasn’t enough. I failed you. I couldn’t stop them, I wasn’t strong enough for you.”

She shakes her head, swallowing down more tears. “You couldn’t…there was nothing you could do. You shouldn’t have tried to sacrifice yourself.”

“I had to, I couldn’t just let them -!” What little remains of his voice catches, and he looks up at the ceiling, blinking back his own tears. “But I did. I let them do exactly what I was trying to prevent.”

“It’s not your fault. They had you chained up, you had no way of getting to me. I couldn’t fight them, either, I’m the one who…who let them.” Another wave of memory washes over her and she gasps, curling in on herself, pain shooting through her center when she moves. 

“Hey, hey keep breathing, love.” He’s rolled back toward her now, leaning as far forward as he can with the chain around his neck holding him back.  “It’s alright. It’s not your fault, either, okay? You can’t blame yourself. Just keep breathing, and focus on me, right here and now.”

She can’t not blame herself, but she does focus on him, matching her breaths with his for a moment. “If you…if you had managed to sacrifice yourself, like you wanted…if you’d left me behind and gone off to…to die, or whatever you were trying to do…I’d have never forgiven you. I would have hunted him down until I found you and got you back. You’re not supposed to do that, we’re supposed to fight together.”

“I know. I’m sorry. But Kane, he…he’s nearly impossible to beat. He’s too powerful, has too many men behind him, and he knows…he knows exactly what to do to break people. I didn’t want that to happen to you. I deserve what he was going to give me, I’m a war criminal. You don’t deserve any of this. You shouldn’t have to be here.”

“Shut up,” she hisses. “Whatever you did…I know you, and I know you wouldn’t do it without a really good reason. That doesn’t mean you deserve death, or captivity, or any of the rest of it.”

Bruno sighs heavily, wincing a little and readjusting his position. They must have beaten him at some point, he has a split lip and a bruise forming on his cheekbone. “I had a very, very good reason for it. And I will tell you about it…someday, I promise. But that doesn’t change the fact that I committed a crime, and Kane is determined to make me pay for it. He won’t be satisfied with just my death, though. He could have taken me up on my offer if that was the case. He wants to punish me, and…” He gazes at her, eyes full of sadness. “And he’ll use you to do it.”

The thought of having to go through what just happened again makes her heart stop beating for a moment, but she pushes through this time, forcing her lungs to work, forcing her expression back into neutral, clenching her jaw until it aches to keep herself under control. It hasn’t been this hard to do so for a long, long time. 

“I can handle pain,” she tells him once she’s sure she can speak without crying. “You know I can.”

His face says that he knows exactly what’s going through her head, regardless of what she’s saying aloud. “I know. That doesn’t mean I want you to, though. Watching you go through everything with Roderick was bad enough, I…” Shaking his head, he stares at the ceiling again. 

“Kamaria, I don’t know what’s going to happen in the coming days. It’s going to be hard, and I don’t know how long he’ll let me survive. I will do everything I can to protect you, though.”

“I don’t need you to protect me. Protect yourself for once, please.”

“Not if it means…” He turns to her, and he looks almost…defeated. “Not if it means you going through that again. I can’t…” He swallows hard, breath shuddering as he draws it in. “I’m going to do everything I can to protect you. And I want you to remember, no matter what happens to us, that I love you, okay? I will always love you.”

Saying it is still so new, it feels like trying to learn Common all over again. That doesn’t make it any less true, though. “I love you, too, Bruno. Always. Ey ti ameil.”

“Ey ti ameil.” 

She doesn’t poke fun at him for his accent, he’s so genuine and the moment is too fragile. At any moment, the little bit of peace they’ve found will shatter. She’s always prided herself on being strong, but she isn’t, not right now. She needs him, needs his love, to get through. 

They have to make it through.

[joyfulmagic]

Stucky Wishlist Plot

Not exactly an entire plot, but I really want Steve and Bucky to have a heart to heart over the fact Steve sacrificed himself after Bucky fell from the train and was presumed deceased. Like...the devotion and the "if I can't be with you, I don't want to be here" mentality and Bucky being horrified yet so thankful they ended up in the present together but insisting Steve go to therapy too

[a-cageless-canary]

Silent Scream

Send me “Silent Scream” for my muse to vent anything they’ve been keeping hidden inside.

"I hate him...I hate that man, the man who threw Mama and us away...And I know, I just know that he knows what we're planning. He's not stupid, suddenly two twins showing up looking near identical to a dead woman he had a fling with. He's not that much of an idiot to not see her in us. He's going to kill us, I know it..."

There's a pause before she slams her fist against the desk.

"...But I won't let him get away with it...If it's only one of us, one of us to get away. I'll make sure that bastard won't take another family member from me. Even...If I have to die."

[serickswrites]

You Can Beg

Warnings: captivity, torture, restraints, knife, blood, self sacrifice

"No! Please, don't hurt me!" Smallest Teammate screeched as Whumper grabbed their wrists, pulling them to the front of the group. "PLEASE!"

Whumper grabbed Smallest Teammate's hair, bowing their neck back. "Oh, darling little thing, surely you can do better than that. You can beg better than that, I just know it."

"PLEASE!" Smallest Teammate repeated as tears tracked down their cheeks. They eyed the knife that Whumper waved above their head. "PLEASE!"

"Tsk tsk tsk," Whumper clucked with their tongue, "guess you can't do any better. Such a shame. I like my toys to have a little more spunk."

As Whumper raised the knife to Smallest Teammate's throat once more and Smallest Teammate began to sob harder and harder, Team Leader shouted, "I have more spunk! Let them go! Torture me! Just let them go! PLEASE!"

Whumper looked into Smallest Teammate's eyes with a smile. "See, that's what I'm talking about." They released Smallest Teammate's hair, shoving Smallest Teammate to the ground. "Took you long enough to speak up, Team Leader."

Team Leader only stared at Whumper, never breaking eye contact as they spoke. "Let Smallest Teammate go. You can do whatever you want to me. Just let them go."

Whumper considered a moment. "No. Ah ah ah, Team Leader," Whumper said as they pressed the knife to Team Leader's lips. "I won't hurt them. But I want to be sure they get a front row seat to what you saved them from. It's the right thing to do, after all."

Tags: @mousepaw @jumpywhumpywriter @knightinbatteredarmor @hufflepuffwritingstuff2 @anightmarishwhump

@steh-lar-uh-nuhs @celestialsoyeon @st0rmm @ay5ksal @pedro-pedro-pedro-pedro-pe

@pepeniascat @artisticdemon @acer-whumpstuff

[shentheauthor]

LAMB COME GET YOUR CAT HE’S PERFORMING RITUAL SACRIFICE ON HIMSELF

Part 2

[harmoniousbpd]

i love like a starved dog kicked out into the rain.

you can kick me, hit me, shove me out to be left for dead. yet if you come back to apologize with cascading tears, I'll lick your tears away even if they taste of venom from a serpent.

[tangledinink]

So. Leo and Donnie grew up under Big Mama's care to eventually become the infamous Gemini in the Battle Nexus... And Mikey has been raised by Baron Draxum to fulfill the prophecy... Well, where's Raph?

(treasure of the shrine) (tireless devotee) (pledged martyr)

enter -> raphael, child of the foot clan

raph grew up under the protective eye of the foot, raised on endless tales of the clan's grand mission and the essential role he would play in it. his value was very clear from the moment he came into the clan's possession as an infant, given the inherent, powerful mystical energy already laying dormant inside him. though he cannot wield any magick himself, he often spends long hours meditating in the clan's shrine, bathing in mystic energy, awaiting the day he can don the dark armor and awaken their master shredder with his life force. as per clan tradition, he was never given a name and is instead officially referred to by his title-- oblation.

though he is just as devoted to his ninja training as any other clan recruit, his future role makes him far too valuable to be sent on missions or risk combat. in fact, he very rarely leaves the safety of shredder's shrine. this doesn't bother oblation, however. he is perfectly content in his role, and proud of what his anticipated sacrifice will achieve. his faith and trust in the clan are absolute and unwavering. however...

though small children are rarely recruited by the clan, there was one other. recruit calls oblation "obby." and obby calls her "cru." they met when obby was nine and cru was ten and have been inseparable ever since, training side by side. though obby is technically considered a higher rank than her, neither of them have achieved full clan membership yet. obby will not earn his place until he completes his one and only mission, and one that he will do entirely on his own-- bring forth the shredder.

(and recruit is loyal. recruit believes fully in the clan's divine mission. recruit will give whatever the foot asks of her. but as obby's promised sacrifice looms ever closer, she finds herself harboring more and more doubt.)

[just-here-for-the-whump]

The Hitman's Bodyguard (2017)

[wellthisissomething]

AI-Less Whumptober Day 6 - Self Sacrifice/“I’m The Only One Who Can Do This”

Pit Babe - Ep. 10

Love in Twilight (Prajan Daeng) - Ep. 12

Crime Crackdown - Ep. 27

Seobok

The Game: Towards Zero - Ep. 22 (On Viki) Ep. 11 (On KissAsian)

Bros Telepathic

Previous 6/31 Next

[fallenwhumpee]

Leader has to fight with their possessed team and ends up heavily injuried by their loved one

You have good taste, anon. Please enjoy <3

"It's alright."

• Masterlist •

Warnings: Sci-fi elements, mind control, knife, self-sacrifice, open ending.

Leader didn't believe in fate. With millions of people making countless choices every day, how could anything be predetermined? Yet, sometimes, things felt destined.

In interviews, worst-case scenarios, or intense debriefings, Leader was always asked the same question: Would they fight their own team if it ever came to that?

Their answer was always the same: a determined yes.

It was Leader's biggest lie, and they didn't know how to cover it up.

The question was asked so often that Leader became convinced it would happen eventually. So, when it finally did, they couldn't tell if it was fate or if they had jinxed themselves.

When Leader first pulled the blueprints for the mission, they had to take a leap of faith. They had to believe their team's minds were strong enough to withstand any... outer forces. There was no way to know who would stand and who would fall, but their team was the most stubborn one. If they couldn't pull off the mission, no one could.

"I don't like this," Right Hand muttered.

"Stop being a doomster. We'll finally get Whumper. They'll be immobilized in that machine," Youngest chirped.

"That's what worries me. If Whumper is accepting such risks, the machine must be strong. What if..."

"I will deal with the 'what ifs'," Leader cut in. "But only if you want the mission. This can either put us at number one on the list or..."

"Or put KIA next to our names," Right Hand grumbled.

"You have so little faith in us," Teammate hummed.

"We should vote on this. As usual, I won't join. Now, who wants to go?" Leader ended the discussion.

Youngest, Teammate, and Tech outnumbered Right Hand and Medic.

Leader nodded, hiding their unease behind a mask of determination. The vote was decided, and there was no turning back now.

"Get ready," Leader commanded, glancing at their watch. "We leave in one hour."

The hour passed in a blur. Leader wasn't a pessimistic person, but they struggled to stay positive. The team gathered when they were checking the plan for the fifth time, their minds set.

They were going into the nest.

As they approached the target location, an abandoned industrial complex, the atmosphere grew tense. Right Hand glanced at Leader, worry etched on their face. Leader hated to see them like that. With a frown present, their friend looked older, more tired.

"Leader, are you sure about this?" they asked quietly.

Leader took a deep breath." Do you ask what I believe or what I think?"

Right Hand didn't answer.

A light headache began making itself known as they stood before the door. Their only advantage was their unexpected arrival, but when they stepped in, Whumper would be aware. The nest was almost like an extension of Whumper, which worried Leader to no end. But as long as they eliminated the enemy systematically, they would be fine.

So they began fighting. Leader gave order to use firearms first. If one of them got out of control, close combat would give them some time. A bullet wouldn't. Luckily, they avoided any loss when they took out the guards. Youngest began complaining about a headache, but it was only that, complaints.

When they took down the second wave, Tech wanted a break. Leader sent them back to the vehicle, not taking any risks. They could feel their own thoughts weighting down but still coherent and intact.

They didn't think of any other possibilities. Fear was the last thing they needed.

They cleared the base slowly, reaching to the heart of the complex. Leader was tired but standing, just like the others. And if they were so close to the machine and only getting a moderate headache, victory was theirs.

"I was expecting you," Whumper's almost mechanical voice sent a shiver down to Leader's spine. "You never fail to amuse me, Leader. Did you truly believe my power was limited to my people?"

Leader marched forward, banging through the last doors. There was Whumper, sitting in a giant machine, defenceless.

"This ends here. Now," Leader muttered to themselves. They cautiously stepped closer, the rest of the team rushing in after them.

"Enjoy your gift."

The machine grew louder.

Leader turned back immediately, about to shout their team leave, but pain, sharp and sudden, took over their thoughts. They whimpered, their vision so bright and empty, their face warm and knees aching. They didn't know how long it took, but they were in their knees once they opened their eyes, their nose bleeding.

The team was on the floor.

Leader quickly scrambled back to their feet, rushing over the closest one— Medic. But before Leader could shake them awake, Medic's eyes opened, empty.

"No," Leader forced out. The team slowly got back to their feet, movements stiff and unnatural. Leader didn't want to believe that was real.

But Medic's punch to their jaw was very, very real. Leader stumbled, their face throbbing. They wiped the blood on their nose, directly rushing for Whumper. They couldn't afford being sentimental.

Leader returned Medic's punch, knocking them out. They caught Right Hand's arm coming from their blind side— Leader didnt knoe if they felt proud that their friend was ysing a move they taught or horrified that they were the target. They twisted that arm slightly, but they failed to make the knife drop since they couldn't risk breaking Right Hand's arm.

Youngest caught Leader's waist, Teammate jumping on them. Leader struggled to stay upright but managed to dodge the knife that whipped the air. They walked backwards, slamming the two hanging on them to the wall. Their own body weight was enough to knock the duo, but Right Hand charged on them.

If Leader pulled aside, Right Hand would kill Teammate.

So Leader let it come. They didn't look down, they couldn't. But they pushed Right Hand back, ignoring the blooded knife falling.

Leader ran to Whumper, pulling the knife  from their belt and aimed Whumper's heart. They outran Right Hand somehow, and within a matter of seconds, the machine shut down, Whumper's tense body falling to the floor.

Leader staggered, pain flaring at their side. They gasped, their vision darkening  for a moment.

It was over.

Right Hand catched Leader before they hit the floor— or after, Leader couldn't follow. They could only take a sharp breath and close their eyes against the growing pain, consuming their thoughts.

"Leader— oh my, Leader I-I," Right Hand stuttered, or Leader heard only a part of it.

Leader forced their eyes to part, relaxing after seeing those eyes with tears. "It's alright," Leader muttered, their blooded hand reaching to Right Hand's face. "You didn't do it."

Whose blood was it? Whumper's? Their?

No, that wasn't important. As long as it wasn't from one of their teammates.

"Don't, uh. Just..." Right Hand searched for something. They tucked a fabric in Leader's hand, guiding Leader to press it somewhere between Leader's ribs and stomach. "Keep the pressure, okay. I— I will wake up the team and get you home."

"Don't... don't like bring o-ordered around," Leaded chuckled, but it hurt. They had to bite their lip to stop a scream.

"I know," Right Hand forced a smile and propped them against the machine. "I know."

Leader let out a grunt, not wanting to worry Right Hand more than they were, but also failing to keep the pain in. They tried to focus, but breathing was getting harder and harder.

Right Hand turned their back hesitantly, going to get the others back to their feet, starting with Medic.

Leader managed a faint smile, maintaining pressure despite their fading strength. After making sure that Right Hand wasn't panicking, they allowed their eyes to close for a moment. The team was safe, Whumper was gone. Nothing else mattered.

[whumpitisthen]

Blasphemy

Previous I Masterlist I Next

7.4k words....... my brain is mush but i wanted to finish this so badly so here it is!! i need to stop looking at it, you look at it now i dont want it >:( CWs: blood, referenced torture, broken bones, unconsciousness, self-esteem issues, crying, begging, self-sacrifice, bleeding out, religious themes, angel whumpee, nonhuman whumpee, multiple whumpees, nonhuman/vampire/deity whumper, bad caretaker, carewhumper, slavery mention, death, psychological whump, emotional whump, power dynamics, Grim's inability to be normal about his little guys, Auden's inability to be normal about anything, nudity (nonsexual)

Don't panic. Don't panic. Don't panic.

Of course he panicked.

How could he not? He just watched someone slowly bleed out in front of him, now lying in a pool of their own blood on the floor, motionless and gone, — and right before they pass out, all they ask of him is not to panic? What kind of request is that!

He told them to stop, he told them to take a break; why would they not listen? He doesn't need to be a healer to know that blood needs to stay inside a body, mortal or not. Blood means pain, blood means danger, blood means something is wrong. Blood covers every single inch of the floor.

Are they dead? He doesn't know, he doesn't know! They stopped moving, they fell to the ground like a corpse. They look dead, with the darkness under their eyes, and the sickly cold paleness that took hold of their skin. He should know, should be able to tell, he's an angel, how could he not know if a mortal is dead or not?

He has never needed to know. Healing is not a Guardian’s job, it's the sign of a Guardian’s failure. A Guardian protects, a Guardian shields, a Guardian prevents hurt before it could even occur. If their Dependant needs healing, that means they have failed in their duty.

He cannot have let this happen to them. He cannot have failed again. He cannot have failed them again.

All he knows to do is what feels right. The way he scrambles out of the bathtub is akin to a wild thing. He slips onto his knees, cradling Mori's unconscious body, barely feeling the wet tiles under his bony limbs. He holds them close, calling to them, shaking them gently.

They are cold, but mortals are only cold when their bodies die. He looks around frantically. A towel of some sort, large, folded neatly on a dresser near him. He leans over to tear the one he can reach out of the tower, not caring about all the rest falling to the floor after it. He drapes it over the both of them, hoping to achieve some sort of tent to trap the heat under.

Mori doesn't stir. No matter how much he warms them, no matter how many times he calls their name, no matter how much he begs them to remain alive; they show no aspiration to live. He grabs another towel and wraps it around their head, trying to stall the bleeding of their broken antler. That must be key; blood is finite, he has to stop it.

He isn't sure if mortals feel pain in their sleep, so he works carefully around the wound, putting far too little pressure onto it to cease the flow. The towel just keeps languidly swallowing up their blood, but it has to help, it must be better than nothing. Maybe if he holds them closer, if he cleans off all the crimson from their face. He wipes away the curtain of blood from their forehead and eye. He fixes their hair — it was a little dishevelled, but they kept it out of their eyes, carding through it habitually any time they got nervous.

There, they look a little better. That must have helped.

It has to help.

Please, please help.

They aren't moving. He holds them a little closer, shakes them, pleads with them. No response. The tent of towels and black wings aren't warming them at all. The blood still oozes.

He doesn't know what to do; he doesn't know how to help!

They need help.

He shouldn't…

‘They will die if you don't, and it will be all your fault.’

The only healer he knows of here is the Doctor, but he doesn't know how to contact it. He has seen absolutely nobody else in this silent mansion of endless corridors, and he fears leaving Mori's side for even a moment to go look. He wants to help them, but he needs help to do that.

So, in his weeping desperation, he calls to the one person he knows will answer.

Tears of worry pooling in his eyes, scared and helpless like a child, he wails for the Reaper.

Mori told him not to yell when they first met. He hadn't understood yet just how dangerous it could be to draw attention to himself. He was scared, just as scared as he is now, and now here he is, yelling again, listening to his own voice echo back at him, waiting for Death to arrive. This time, he makes noise on purpose, with purpose, and that only scares him more, because then if things go wrong, it won't be an accident anymore. He chose to do this all on his own.

He needs to, he has to. The Reaper has to understand. Mori will understand.

Even if they don't, at least they will still be alive to be angry at him for it.

The Reaper isn't here yet, and Auden tries his best to be patient. He counts the seconds, managing to make it past sixty, up till seventy. At around seventy-two he touches the towel wrapped around Mori's antler. It's heavy with blood.

He decides to try calling again.

It takes him another minute to psych himself up to raise his voice again and scream, his lungs filled with a convoluted mess of desperation to save Mori no matter the cost. The knowledge that he is demanding a deity to hurry up and answer him — his Lord would have erased him just for thinking he was entitled to His time.

But the Reaper isn't his Lord. Calling him a deity feels like sacrilege in itself, but Auden doesn't know what else to refer to him as. Anything lower seems unfitting, but he will absolutely not for even a moment think them coequal in status, power, or any other metric. He is powerful, and terrifying, and vicious and cruel, a force, necessary, but the angel only sees a twisted sanctuary every time he thinks of him. He is all those terrible things, and he saved him. He has to save Mori.

Auden fidgets under Mori. He rustles his wings. Tries to swallow the growing lump in his throat. The quiet fills with the gentle sound of rain droplets landing against the windows. Three large windows, with a double cross of thin black iron running up it to end in a pointed top elegantly. Should he open the window, let in some fresh air? No, it must be cold outside, Mori would get even colder. He holds them a little closer.

Where is he? Last time it barely took a minute for the Reaper to show up, popping up out of thin air like he never even left. It has to have been at least ten minutes, maybe twenty. An hour. A long time. He keeps having to reorder his black-blue legs under him, going numb on his knees with the extra weight.

He shudders out a breath that sounds suspiciously close to a sob, getting dizzy with how much he cranes his head from wall to wall, hoping to catch his black-cloaked saviour leaning up against it. Why is the Reaper not showing? He has to be coming. He looks down at Mori, sniffling. Whines pull at the corners of his lips, wobbling his chin.

Auden yells again, as loud as he can. The end of his cry wanes off into a miserable sound, muffled into Mori's hair.

Maybe he misunderstood. Maybe it wasn't the noise that had caught the Reaper's attention before. Maybe he is just so far away that he cannot hear. Maybe he heard and he doesn't care. Maybe he isn't coming at all. Lord, he isn't coming at all, is he?

Auden is all on his own, and Mori will die, or they are already dead, because Auden is a useless, winged fraud. Just a weak, pathetic nobody, getting people hurt and making fake promises. Mori died because of him. They died because he couldn't do as he was told.

“I am sorry. I am so, so sorry, Mori, I'm sorry,” — he blubbers through his tears. If he wasn't holding them as he does, he would draw blood with how deep he wants to dig his overgrown nails into his palm.

He wonders if Mori's soul can feel the force of his sobs through his chest. If it can hear his pitiful apologies. His ridiculous weeping.

He is so preoccupied with his self-loathing that he fails to notice the change. The candles giving a gentle, warm light flicker with an inexplicable gust of wind. The air cools and thickens with dread, filling his throat with a wicked black fog. The feeling of being watched is ignored. The suffocating terror starting up inside him is not much different than his grief. Past the curtain of his half-washed hair, a pair of heavy boots appear. A cloak of darkness. The smell of rot follows.

Then, a dark, haunting voice.

“Peril finds you good company, doesn't she?”

Auden jerks at the Reaper's insincere lamentation, his gasp loud in the otherwise silent room. His crying quiets immediately, frozen in his throat. He can't decide if he should be relieved or even more scared upon finding the Grim Reaper had heard him. He brought with him his deadly scythe and cloak of shadows. Auden cannot see under the canine skull, and it makes him nervous that he doesn't know what kind of expression it hides. Was that a tone of disappointment or indifference? Boredom? What if he is angry? Angry at him for yelling, for not doing as he said, for letting Mori die; oh, he must be angry…

His mouth opens and closes, suddenly dry of all sound. His eyes switch wildly between the deity and his maybe-dead companion, eventually filling with new tears and looking up pleadingly at his saviour, hoping for a little more mercy. — “I-I’m sorry, I yelled, I sh-shouldn’t, I know, but I-I-I didn't, I didn't know what else to do ah-and — Help, please help them, please help, I-I do not, I do not kn — I am not a healer, please don't let them die like this, I beg you, I beg you…”

The plea is soft, a quiet prayer. He is begging earnestly, deeply and perplexingly distraught at the misfortune of someone he hasn't even known for a day. His grief is raw and true. Kneeling in a pool of blood like this, weeping unendingly, painting the fawn with his sorrow, holding onto the tortured soul in his arms like they are the most precious treasure he has ever known — Grim finds it all such a pleasant surprise to come back to. Far more interesting than whatever the Hell those mortals were bumbling on about at the parley.

He expected Mori to have passed out, naturally; that part doesn't surprise him. But the angel… oh, this angel is surpassing all of his expectations. He is terrified for them, holding their unconscious body as if they will disappear if he lets go. And this beautiful red sheen across the floor, wall to wall; the overwhelming flavor of Mori's blood dancing in the air…

His footfalls remain measured as he approaches the two. He considers them silently, letting the pause eat at the angel, making up his mind on where to go from here. Finally, he sighs.

“The irony of calling me of all people here to save your friend cannot be lost on you,” — the Reaper says as he removes his mask, casually untensing every muscle that was primed to roll heads upon arriving at the angel’s desperate call, — “whatever made you think I would help them? Do you know me to be so merciful?”

The angel seems a little crestfallen at that, a little confused. Can't the Reaper see the person dying in his arms? Why would he not help? He has to help! — “Th — Mori, did — They need help…”

“Do they deserve help?”

“Yes!” — the Fallen cries, manic in his own uselessness, — “they, they did it right. They said you, you told them to help me, and they did, they kept going until they fell, even though I told them not to, and, a-and now you won't help them?”

Death tilts his head at him, brows raised and eyes laying him bare. A look of faux-confusion, like Auden is not making any sense, as well as something a little dangerous underneath peeking through at Auden's last words. — “They did not do it right. They have failed.” — He gestures at their unconscious body, still slowly oozing blood onto the floor, a puddle having been made to halo their head. — “I asked them to feed you, bathe you and get you ready for your new master. You are soaking wet and naked, distressed, kneeling in filth on the floor. Nowhere near ready. They have failed in their task.”

He isn't angry with them; there is no fury in his voice. He is stating this like it's a fact that they deserve to die for not meeting his impossible standards. The chilling conviction in him stalls the angel’s breath.

‘Convince him. Try to convince your saviour that he is wrong. Beg for his favour. He is testing your faith.’

His bare shoulders jerk, the sudden weight of the persistent voice landing on them like a pair of heavy hands, guiding him further into desperation. Grim narrows his eyes.

Any other angel would have taken the straight refusal of help and backed down, bowing their head and apologising for asking for something so untoward. Angels do not argue. They do not plead; they pray and hope, and if their wishes aren't granted, then it is the will of God, and so there must be good reason for it. It's part of their culture, something that most of them do not even notice about themselves as strange or naïve. It's just how they operate in Heaven, and only once removed from their palace of ignorance do they start understanding all the intricate little ways in which they are taught to obey and never question much of anything.

Auden never found this particular skill to be so self-evident or natural to weave. Even if he did, his Guardian nature will not allow him to let go so easily when Mori could very well die in his arms any moment, and it's on him to try to plead with the Reaper to save them. —“Please. They do not deserve this. It, it isn't fair.”

The Reaper smiles. It's an empty smile that doesn't reach past his lips. — “Is that so?” — Pretending to be in deep thought, Grim hums, then leans down as if to whisper to the angel about something forbidden, the blade of his heavy scythe floating above him like a crescent moon as his hands move to cross at the small of his back. — “Is it fair, up there?”

The angel pauses, swallowing. — “Whu — What?”

“Was it fair when they deemed you a sinner? When you were cast out? When you landed; burnt, bruised, defenceless on the earth as a mortal? Was it fair?”

His eyes widen. Auden remembers when it all fell apart. He remembers vividly every pair of eyes that turned hateful, the friends he lost, the time he spent praying, begging for another chance. He thought he was invincible back then. He thought that as an angel, a Guardian, no matter how weak or clumsy he was, as long as he kept his faith close, there would be nothing more he could want. He worried about such insignificant things, spending days with worry etched between his brows because of an off-handed comment someone more capable than him made, trying so pathetically to prove himself to people who couldn't care less about him.

He was trying so desperately to fit in, while failing to follow the most simple of instructions given to him by his Seraph.

He thought he knew better. When he was told his human no longer deserved protection, he thought there must have been a mistake. When he kept watching over them despite clear orders, he thought he was doing the right thing. When his human got into trouble, real trouble, and he had to help, he had to, but there was no way to do it lawfully, not without breaking the most unbreakable of rules; — when he locked eyes with his human for the first time like he always dreamed he could, when he saw recognition in theirs… He was arrogant, selfish, unfit to be a holy servant. He was told as much when his sins were tallied by the cold voice of the Council during the ceremony of his banishment.

He wonders if he could visit his human sometime now that he is stuck here. He hopes they are safe. He hopes they don't remember him at all, but he wonders sometimes, — if they do remember him, do they think of him often?

Maybe he shouldn't visit them anyway. He would much rather they keep the image of who he was back then instead of who he is now.

“It w-was…” — His head droops. He tries to consider the Reaper's question, but the more he thinks about it, the more it confuses him. He huffs frustratedly. It should be the easiest answer to give. His Lord is fair and just. Every angel lives by strict rules, orders, responsibilities. His punishment was fair. He takes it to be another failing of his own; just how much it hurts to believe this. — “…It doesn't matter if, if it was. Mori doesn't deserve this.”

‘Your crime was not sin. It, too, was inadequacy. Failure. You were not malicious. You were weak.’

He may have been weak, but Mori isn't. They are stronger than he ever was.

‘They failed their Master like you failed yours.’

That's different, the Lord is not Auden's master — Mori wasn't made to obey —

‘Were they not? They told you what they are. A slave from birth. Made to serve.’

“Mori doesn't deserve any of this, they, they — “

‘They are hellspawn. They deserve everything they are given.’

“They don't! — he nearly shouts, overwhelmed and manic with grief, trying to drain out the malevolent voice inside his head. — “They did everything as well as they possibly could, they made no mistakes, they were kind and brave and helpful and they for-forgave me, even after, after I messed up, over and over again! Just, if,“ — his voice breaks in preparation for what he is about to ask for, — “if they deserve punishment, let me take it! If they failed, it was because of me, and I will, I will take it, no matter what it is. I won't let them — please don't punish them for my mistakes.”

The Reaper's expression hardly changes in reaction to Auden's outburst. The angel's choppy babbling doesn't really phase him, though the corner of Grim's mouth catches on that almost threat; — ‘I won't let them.’ As if the angel had any power over what happens next. The thought is amusing.

It's hilarious how little he knows of pain. He would not be so eager to take it otherwise.

Grim's polite smile quickly vanishes, eyes narrowed to slits. Leaning back in a slow, assertive manner, he straightens his spine to stand tall once more, looking down upon Auden like a judge. His head is haloed by the light of the chandelier behind him, casting an intimidating shadow over the both of them. — “I am not deaf, angel. If I wished to hear your shrill screeching, believe me, I would have plenty of ways to drag it out of you.”

The angel's mouth snaps shut instantly. This sudden change in the deity's tone freezes him to his core. The way he fights himself to speak so he may apologise reminds Grim of a fish out of water, mouth agape and gasping. — “I-I didn't… I am sorry, I didn't realise I was —”

“No, you did not. Perception eludes you like oil does water.”

It's that little righteous incredulity that crawls its way into his tone. That disappointment, but a lack of expectation to begin with, that sears Auden's heart like venom. It's a familiar pain, and so he does what he has learned to do all those other times he felt this same shame — he bows his head and remains silent, letting the self-loathing eat up any stray thoughts that could distract him from his shame.

Truthfully, Grim is not so angry. Maybe a little, — after all, this is the second time he has come to the angel's rescue, only to find him perfectly fine — but it does irk him, this… shadow, behind every word he says. Something bothers him, clearly. Whatever it is, it muffles his true thoughts, distracts him, diverts his attention; and well, Grim has never been very good at sharing with others. He wants to rip open that silly skull and pick at his brain until he finds what he is looking for.

The angel shivers under his gaze. In allowing Auden a moment to steep in his misery, he also allows for the mouthwatering aroma of Mori's spillt blood to overwhelm his focus. With the crimson smeared so thoroughly in this small room, the smell of it is near impossible to ignore. In the angel's arms, Mori is angled just so, their veins supplying drop after drop of crimson for the floor to collect. The sound of wasted nectar could drive him mad. This lovely scene coupled with the angel's pleasant vanilla-scent, and his beautiful sorrow on display is a perfect cocktail mix for all his senses to drink up.

He inhales deeply. Eternal hunger is a hell of a curse.

Eventually, the angel's sobs quieten. Softness carries Death's next words; — “Were you scared for them?”

Auden nods, sniffling sadly. His only friend, perhaps already dead. It devastates him. He loosens his hold on Mori, breaking under the voice telling him over and over that he is holding onto a corpse.

“You have grown so close to them already… a foolish mistake, but you couldn't have known. You know so little.”

A backhandedly sympathetic assurance that only serves to drive the edge of that searing shame deeper into his chest. The tent he holds sinks as his wings do, pooling the towel around himself and uncovering Mori's cold body. They look so small and defenceless. A sea of scars, old and new. Deep bruises that will never have the chance to heal. Tired eyes that will never open. A shattered wrist and a snapped antler, his own contributions to the collage of their suffering.

He is truly the most pathetic being in all of existence.

In the soft candlelight, Grim watches him unravel with great excitement. Though he says nothing, his lips curl and his eyes light up in amusement. This Fallen is a funny one. A large golden heart hidden beneath the thinnest layers of skin and bone. Naïve. Easy to mold, to trick, to scar. Passionate, even now, during a time most would consider too unbearable to be worth holding on for. And the taste of his sorrow; the sweetness of his tears… Such a darling little lamb.

Though the sound of footfalls were not silent, Auden still flinches from the silver claws entering his vision. Dropped to a crouch, Grim had sat aside his scythe and attempted to lower himself to the angel's level, now reaching for Mori.

Numbly, Auden watches those clawed fingers sink beneath the sticky brown locks of the unconscious servant. They massage tenderly, avoiding cutting into the skin underneath. The closeness has Auden’s skin inadvertently crawling, his already cold flesh chilled even deeper from such proximity to Death. Like this, he finds himself paying that much closer attention to every little detail about his saviour.

The Reaper's skin is truly pale, its hue only surpassed by his snow-white hair. Auden's gaze catches on the small dot right under his left eye — do beings like him have such flaws? Mortals have plenty, birthmarks and such, but Auden has never imagined deities could have such mundane imperfections. His left arm is where the void-black markings on his skin begin — downright monstrous with sickening veins popping out of wicked muscles, fully corrupted by the darkness, a gauntlet of silver claws enunciating its role being a weapon of slaughter. From the tips of the fingers, to the wrist, shoulder, then presumably up the chest and crawling all the way up under his chin, drawing confusing, intricate shapes that remind Auden of an all-consuming hellfire.

The hand carding through Mori's hair is jewelled as opposed to armoured, the markings there more… unnatural. Man-made would be a better term to use. They remind Auden of some of the painted pages of his codices in their pattern, as opposed to the fuller, consuming, almost infectious spread running up his neck. Parallel lines, symbols, some sort of language. They run along each finger, disappearing under shining metal rings, ending in sharp black nails. Auden never noticed before, just how marred the flesh under those rings are. It's like they were welded into him. Deep, sickening scarring that is red around the edges under each iron band.

He wonders just how much influence Hell’s infection has had on the Reaper. As far as he is aware, Death has been a neutral, non-conforming being since the beginning of time. Because his job requires him to be a bridge not only between Heaven and Earth, but Hell and Earth as well, and because of his independent nature, angels have grown further and further from conversing with him, and Auden has only really been taught that the Grim Reaper is a necessary evil, and that it's not his place to be inquiring about things that do not pertain to him. But he has to imagine, with how much of Earth has been swallowed up by demonkind, the balance of things changing must have had some sort of effect on him.

His brain feels like there are a thousand ants crawling all over it. His train of thought halts upon contact with those iron claws, holding his chin to direct his wide eyes toward the Reaper's. The claws are sharp, an ornately carved glove of icy blades. His breath halts completely, and the Reaper grins.

“You are fond of them,” — the Reaper states, jerking Auden's head to lead his gaze back to himself when he tries looking away, — “did you get to know each other well?”

Auden finds it hard to care, right now. Even through his fear-indebtedness-adoration for the deity and Death's cursed aura snuffing out any breath of disobedience with a chilling sense of terror, he just cannot bring himself to respond. His eyes are red and empty and tired, similar to Mori's — their gaze is always alert, fearful, but tired, missing their spark. They hold no flame in them anymore; that is, if they ever did. A wilted rose.

He cannot nod, but the fresh tears and a lovely shudder are enough of a response either way.

Grim tuts sympathetically, feeling a great urge to kiss away those beautiful tears. While it is a mere fact that angels are not exactly made to deal with loss, this one is young and so very tenderhearted. It very nearly breaks his heart to watch the darling dove shatter like this.

It is the angel's most endearing quality; how strongly he feels. It's like all rational thought escapes him as soon as his heart fires up. When he is frustrated or sees some sort of injustice, he forgets himself, and becomes foolishly unafraid. When he is sad, he cannot bear to exist at all, shutting down completely. And Grim does not doubt for a moment that he becomes the most bouncy, passionate, energetic critter when he is happy. It almost makes him curious to see just how much joy can fit into this broken-winged-broken-hearted darling. It clearly doesn't matter who witnesses, if the little thing behaves like this even in front of him, someone he is well and truly afraid of.

“Do not weep,” — he settles on, the soothing murmur coupled with a kind expression, — “It will be okay. It will all be okay. I will make sure of it.”

It isn't a lie, depending on a given day. Somedays, okay means content and safe. On others, it will mean just enough mercy to keep his lungs working so he may live. However, it doesn't matter what it means to the angel. Right now, what he hears is what he needs — supporting words, kind words, caring words. He could forget about the blades at his throat for those, like he has already forgotten the godly being comforting him is the same one that wounded his friend so deep and cruel, then forced them to work themself bloodless and unconscious.

A tear slides down his claw, glimmering tantalisingly as it rolls down like a pearl of glass. It's so perfectly silent. His pointed ears twitch at the sound of the drop splattering on the floor.

He cannot resist lifting a hand soaked in Mori's blood to wipe away the rivulets of sweet sorrow from the angel's red cheeks. Hopefully his tears blind him to the condescending expression on the Reaper's face. — “There there. Come, let me help.”

Wiping, petting, caressing, pinching, ruffling, — his hands do not leave him until Auden starts reacting, once he realises he is being teased, weakly pulling back from all the unwanted, giggling attention. It should really not surprise him at all that Death would find the passing of a mortal so uninteresting, but his stomach still flips at just how unbothered he acts. Mori spoke so reverently of him…

With one last pull on his still slippery hair — the conditioner was never rinsed out, it seems, though the strong yet pleasant smell coming off him in waves should have been a dead giveaway — Grim rescinds. Gently, he takes hold of Auden's wrists, pressing his thumbs flush against his pulse there and massaging. He feels so wonderful. — “Let go of them, angel.”

Belatedly, Auden draws back from Mori's body, letting the Reaper cradle them instead. In the tall deity's arms, they look even smaller. As he stands, Auden finds himself reaching after them, watching Mori's legs swing in the air limply, their body held in a bridal carry. The unshakeable urge to protect eats at him relentlessly. He feels like a dog growling at passerby above its owner's corpse.

“Whe-Where are you take-ing them?” — Auden croaks tiredly, cursed with the after-cry hiccups.

The towel the angel had wrapped around Mori's head falls to the ground with a wet splat. The stump where their antler used to be is still weeping, though much slower, demanding attention from the vampyric deity. He may have gone a little overboard with that one, he ponders, humming himself; —  but really, it's his little fawn’s fault for making the most adorable sounds when he threatened to rip the antler off by grabbing onto it and slowly twisting their head by it. Their ears pulled back, their eyes turned as large as dinner plates, and they trembled, so small, so sweet against the floor, pinned and vulnerable, squirming under their master to escape, but too scared to actually try. They do so well with threats, so proficient in begging for mercy, so perfect soaked in terror.

There is no wolf that could hold its jaw slack around the throat of its prey once its fangs have drawn blood. It is fun for a while; the squirming, the whining, the pleading and crying; — but it is only a matter of time until those jaws slam down and shatter the vermin's spine.

Gently, with so much care, he presses his lips onto the wound, kissing it closed. His fawn’s delectable blood could send him into a frenzy on the best of days, but unfortunately, they might really not survive if he doesn't concentrate, so he makes sure not to lose himself in his violent thirst.

Miraculously, the bleeding stops. Grim purrs, perfectly content as he licks his teeth clean of the divine crimson.

Auden is… mortified. What did Death just do? Does he do that often? It looked like he enjoyed it, and the very thought of taking pleasure in the taste of someone's blood — someone who is dying of a lack of it! — sends a horrid shiver down Auden's spine. Perhaps it's some sort of ritual, for the Reaper to drink the blood of the deceased? That sounds like some sort of demonic ceremony. He called Mori a demon, before… He can't really make up his mind about this, so he just stares at the deity like an idiot, a somewhat questioning-disgusted look on his face.

Auden is so stunned that Grim cannot help the laugh that bubbles out of him. Those big wet eyes are so perplexed at what they were just witness to; he is reminded of a baby seal. — “What is it? You look positively aghast.”

The big grin on his face is tainted with smudges of red. Auden opens his mouth, but he ends up closing it anyway. He blinks, shakes his head. It's nothing, he signals.

To that, there is no response. A moment stretches between the two, listening to the sounds of rain and Auden's hand rubbing at his face. There is blood under his nails.

“Well, to answer your question, since you won't answer mine — I am helping them,” — he states, bouncing them carefully to get a better grip on their body, — “is that not what you wanted? Would you prefer me to leave them here to rot?”

Auden shakes his head vehemently, though his eyes water and his face falls again at the confirmation of his perceived situation. He is going to dispose of the body. — “No, no, I do not want that, I am sorry, I’m, I-I just…”

Grim can see his throat closing up from where he stands. The angel’s sobs are choking him, barely letting him speak. What comes out is a fragile, quivering breath. — “Could… Could you please tell them that, h-how, that, that I am sorry? I, I am sorry that I could not save them? Please. A-And that I nev-ver, ever meant to hurt them? I-I, need them to know this, please…”

Oh, now that is just precious. He is so scared they won't forgive him. It warms Grim’s heart. — “So I am your messenger pigeon now, am I?”

Auden could never live with the thought that Mori died because of him and that they never even heard him apologise. The crushing guilt he feels will kill him if the last thing Mori was allowed to do was clean his body of filth, a slave from birth ‘till death, as they bled out, and Auden could never let them know how much more he thought of them, how in the short time he spent with them, they have entirely changed how he sees the world. Auden wanted to ask them so many things, he wanted to hear them talk and see them smile and help them and protect them, and he cannot keep living if they will never even know how much they meant to him.

It was only a few hours at best. Half of it was spent in terror, pain and confusion. But, Auden cannot help it; — when he sees an innocent, good soul suffer, he would give up everything he can to preserve their life. If Mori deserved half of what was done to them, then Auden deserves a hundred times worse. It's no wonder in his mind that he feels so strongly for them, even after such a short time; to him his duty is clear as day. That must be why he hurts so much, watching Death take them like he would any other perished mortal.

He sounds like he's demanding again, and he is starting to feel like that might be true. His thoughts vacillate. He goes quiet for a moment.

He's already kneeling. What else does he have to lose?

“Angel…” — the Reaper gasps, scandalised by what he sees.

The boy just keeps on thinking of new, outrageous ways to surprise him. He is bowing in front of him, putting his hands together in humble prayer. At his feet, showing obedience and loyalty, he supplicates to someone other than his Lord. He breaks another rule, disobeys another law, because what does it matter to follow divine law when he will never get to gaze upon his Heaven or be grazed by God's holy light again? What does anything matter, all that he does and thinks and finds right, in this upside down world of torment and perdition? Why was he even created, allowed to live, if he cannot even fulfill the one purpose he was made for? He is a failure, through and through, if he truly would rather hold onto dignity and loyalty to something he will never have the opportunity to be part of again — if he ever was — over what truly matters.

The Fallen closes his eyes, hiding from his own act of sacrilege. Behind his eyelids, he sees Mori, scared and alone, stuck inside their body, in darkness, feeling only the frigid touch of Death nearby. The image provides inspiration to continue what he began. — “I ask you, Grim Reaper, you who governs death, who ferries mortal souls to the beyond, to hear me. I need you as much as I fear you, but more than myself, I fear for the blameless soul in your arms, and ask… beg, that you find it in your endless might to allow my message to be heard, before they leave here and never return.”

This is prayer. He is praying to him. The angel has thrown away everything this very moment, broken down and empty, and prays as he would have — should have — done for no one else but his Lord. The rule, one that cannot be broken, of faith above all else, of belief and reverence and worship for nobody but their one true God, a law engraved so deeply into every angel's soul that even after death they cannot help floating towards light, no matter how far they have fallen; — he would betray his divine nature so easily; for a slave of Hell. For a single, inconceivably small speck of dust he barely knows. Absolutely astounding.

He wouldn't dream of cutting short this beautiful show of veneration. He waits patiently until the angel convinces himself to spit out the Amen, sealing the prayer as is customary, and waits longer still to see if he will say anything more. Temptation drives him to keep waiting until the Fallen crawls forward to kiss his feet or start making other desperate offerings of submission in the hopes that he grants his wish. Alas, time is not infinite.

“I think I may have a supposition about what the reason you were cast out may be,” — he crools belatedly,  — “I have to ask, angel; — are you mad?”

He must be, Auden is certain. He hears voices that aren't his own, he cannot understand things that are obvious and clear to anyone but him, he would give up everything for the smallest of rewards and do it all over again if the opportunity arose, he is an outlier and a failure and he is the only angel in existence that would choose to worship a bringer of death over spending all that is left of his life begging the Lord for forgiveness. No sane angel acts like this. No sane angel even thinks of doing this.

It feels impossible to squeeze any sort of a response out of himself. Lacking any other way to proceed, he bows low, all the way to the floor. His forehead touches the cold, sticky layer of Mori's blood below. It surprises even him, how little shame he feels. He doesn't really feel much of anything, unable to see past Mori's teary face in front of him. All he cares about is making sure they know someone will miss them, and remember them.

He is as close as he can physically be without touching the deity. His hair reaches for the toe of Grim's boot. He remembers how similarly Mori bowed before Death when they met, right before their hand was shattered bit by bit. He forces his hands still.

“I cannot tell if you were made too well, or made to fail. Your sense of duty flares so bright, it supersedes your faith. A disloyal angel: how paradoxically peculiar…” — Grim wonders aloud. Despite himself, he is a small bit awestruck at this rather sacrilegious turn of events. An angel that would willingly serve another god — oh, he knew this one would be special, he knew as soon as he had laid eyes on him! His old friend will have plenty to nibble on with this wretched little dove, what with all their mirrorisms. He cannot wait to finally introduce them.

With this, he wonders — what kind of angel would do something like this for someone like Mori? A fierce sense of protection, responsibility and righteousness, enough to rival faith. He does not have to think for long.

“You're a bit small for a Guardian, aren't you?” — he beamed, his tone patronising and wicked. — “A protector of the innocent. Justice is your flesh and self-sacrifice sweetens your veins. Mori is more than a companion to cling to in your darkest time of need, I see now. You chose them as your Dependant. What a brashly unfortunate decision that was.”

It wasn't a decision — he wants to scream those words at Death, for seeing through him so effortlessly, like he knows exactly what goes on in Auden's head. A decision would require conscious thought. It can be abandoned at any point. What he has made is a pact, and while he may have been somewhat conscious of his initial urge to protect, it's become something he cannot let go of, something that drives him crazy every day as long as it lasts, and that haunts him long after it's broken. He cannot help it, he can love no other way.

He wants to scream, but all that makes it out is a sound similar to a miserable choked off sob. The wings on his back are lopsidedly sliding off his back to soak on the floor instead, too exhausted to be kept neatly folded behind him.

The Reaper's laughter is a haunting melody ending in a good-natured sigh. — “Mm, well. I must admit, you have given me a taste of something new. My name is only spoken to pray me away by most. I am so used to ignoring pleas — but one so beautifully spoken I cannot ignore so easily.”

There is a pause, the sound of rain. Then, Death steps closer again, finding grip under the angel's chin with the toe of his blooded boot. He doesn't stop lifting until those gorgeous lavender eyes find his own; wide, frightened, full of life.

They look so alike.

“I will let them know,” — he promises, a fond smile telling of something sinister under his sincerity, — “you need not worry about a thing, little lamb.”

The angel crumbles like a house of cards, gratitude and grief spilling forth from him uncontrollably. Near unresponsive with his pain, he can only nod to show he can hear the Reaper's orders. Finish bathing, dry off, put on some clothes — further teasing about how unangelic it is of him to be bare in front of others so unapologetically — and wait for the Reaper to return.

Backing off, Grim watches the little one reach for the blood-soaked towel to drag close and bury his face in. He keeps the fabric close, reminded of his precarious nakedness so suddenly. He pulls his knees out from under him and up to his chest, shuddering with the force of his weeping, but so quiet, quieter still than Mori’s slowly beating heart.

Sorrow looks beautiful on him. Why else would he have been made this way, to feel so strongly, if not to show off all the beauteous shades of his torment?

The next time Auden lifts his head, he finds himself alone in the crimson bathroom. His cries have died down, his lungs have emptied themselves of anguish, and the Reaper has long disappeared into a black mist, bringing with Mori's body and soul, as if they were never even here to begin with. The water in the tub has gone cold, but he only notices after a couple minutes of numb soaking.

Mori will understand. They will know. The Reaper promised. That is all that matters.

<3

Mastelist | Ko-fi

Taglist: @whumpsday @whump-me-all-night-long @sordayciega @a-miscellaneous-number-of-rats

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Taglist (tagged in everything I write): @morning-star-whump @whumprince @a-living-canvas

[daintydolldiary]

I'd tear myself into an unrecognizable mess of red and flesh if it meant you never had to deal with a single hard emotion. I'd pull my own heart out if it meant my love didn't have to have another poorly thought. I'd cut myself till my outward appearance couldn't be recognized if it meant you never got hurt again. I could break my own legs for you if it meant another soul never walked over you. I'll remove my tongue so no one else can say a single hurtful word about you.

I will ruin my whole life and world if it means yours could be even a smidgen better, my love.

[serickswrites]

Hold Back the River

Warnings: captivity, torture, restraints, forced to watch, water boarding, cruel whumper, self sacrifice, defiant whumpee, strangulation, unclear character status

"Caretaker, no matter what happens don't cry. If you cry they will hurt you. I can't let that happen."

Whumpee had said that hours ago when they had struck up a deal with Whumper that would keep Caretaker physically unharmed. Whumper had agreed enthusiastically on the condition that Caretaker not cry or else the bargain was null and void. Caretaker had tried to voice their protest, but Whumpee spoke over them, agreeing. Whumpee didn't want anything to happen to Caretaker.

But as they watched Whumper move from various methods of torture, leaving Whumpee weak and in pain, Caretaker felt they were fighting to hold back the river of tears that was threatening to overwhelm them. But they couldn't cry. Whumpee had asked them not to.

"Now, Whumpee," Whumper drawled as they tipped over the chair they had lashed Whumpee to, "you have done so well. You haven't begged me to stop once."

"You call this torture? I've had so much worse," Whumpee shot back weakly from the ground. Caretaker could see Whumpee was trembling. But they didn't let on that they were suffering. Caretaker knew Whumpee had to be suffering.

Whumper frowned. "I highly doubt that. Needless to say, I'm going to modify our bargain."

"So not only are you a shitty torturer, you can't even your own bargains. How disgraceful," Whumpee said as they glared up at Whumper. But Caretaker knew better. Caretaker knew that Whumpee was now very afraid.

"No. I'm making you a better bargain, Whumpee. I still won't hurt Caretaker. I keep my word. No, I'm going to make you a bargain that benefits you."

"I'm listening," Whumpee said carefully.

"In all my years working on people, I have never seen anyone not break under this next method. I doubt you will be the one to not break, before you get any ideas. You just have to last five minutes. Five whole minutes without begging. If you do that, I'll let both of you go."

"Deal."

Caretaker's heart was pounding. What did Whumper want to do to Whumpee? They opened their mouth to protest, but Whumper spoke again. "I'm going to give you three tries, Whumpee. Three tries to make it to five minutes. If you make it to five, you're free to go."

"Just get it over with, Whumper, I want to go home. I'm sure Caretaker does, too."

Whumper tossed a towel over Whumpee's face and re-angled the chair. Caretaker's mouth went dry as they realized Whumper planned to waterboard Whumpee. There was no way Whumpee would make it to five minutes.

Whumper grabbed a hose and aimed it at Whumpee's face. "Oh, and Whumpee? If you don't make it to five minutes, I'm going to keep you here until your body gives out. So, give it your best shot. I doubt you'll even last two minutes."

And they turned the water on.

Whumpee sputtered and choked as the water blasted their face. Caretaker strained against their own restraints trying to get to Whumpee. "PLEASE! DON'T YOU'RE KILLING THEM!" Caretaker screamed.

"See how they beg for you, Whumpee? Don't worry, I won't count their begging against you. Thirty seconds now, how are you feeling?"

Whumpee choked and coughed. "Stop," they rasped at last.

Whumper grinned as they turned off the water. "One try down. Total failure on your part. You didn't even make it a minute. I'll let you catch your breath."

Caretaker could see Whumpee's chest heaving as they struggled to breathe under the wet towel. "Whumpee, Whumpee. Say something! Please!"

"'m fine, Careta'er," Whumpee mumbled.

"If you have enough breath to speak, we can begin again." Whumper said as they turned the hose back on.

Whumpee lasted two minutes that time. Their whole body was shaking and they were sobbing as the water was turned off. Hearing Whumpee's cries of pain and terror made Caretaker's eyes well up once more. But they couldn't cry. They had to stay strong for Whumpee. Whumpee had bargained for their safety. They couldn't let that be in vain.

"Two minutes, not bad, Whumpee. Not bad." Whumper stared down at Whumpee with a maniacal glint in their eye. "But still not close enough to five. I'm going to enjoy destroying your body over these next few weeks. Maybe I'll still let Caretaker go when your body gives out. Maybe I'll keep them and force them to watch you to decay. Who knows?"

Whumpee made a low moan in their throat as Whumper spoke. The sound broke Caretaker's heart. Whumpee was fighting against impossible odds for their life. Whumper was beyond cruel.

"Ok, Whumpee, final attempt. Make it a good one. Or not," Whumper smirked as they turned the water back on.

Whumpee sputtered and choked, but they didn't speak. Caretaker could see their clenched fists shaking. But as the first minute went by, Whumpee held strong. Then the second minute went by and Whumpee still didn't speak.

After the third minute, Caretaker began to hope. Whumpee could do this. They would both be free. And then they could take care of Whumpee. They owed their life to Whumpee and they would spend the rest of their life repaying Whumpee.

"Four minutes now, Whumpee, you're doing impressively. Honestly, this is the longest I've seen anyone make it. But I doubt you will make it to five."

Whumpee's whole body began to shake at Whumper's words. But still, they didn't cry out. They continued to cough and choke, their breathing growing more and more ragged.

Whumper frowned. "You have twenty seconds to go, Whumpee. Remember not only your freedom, but Caretaker's freedom rides on this. You'll be letting them down any moment now."

Caretaker's heart fluttered in their chest. Hope built until they felt they couldn't contain it anymore. Whumpee was going to do it. They would both be free. Whumper wouldn't kill Whumpee today.

"Five.....four.....three.....two.....one. Impress--"

"For the love of God, please!" Whumpee cried out at last.

Whumper smirked as they turned off the water. "Congratulations, Whumpee. You survived five whole minutes of waterboarding."

Whumpee didn't say anything as they retched and coughed. And though Caretaker knew they should feel elated, Whumper's smirk and strangely happy demeanor had their blood running cold.

Whumper pulled back the towel off Whumpee's face. They knelt close and stared down into Whumpee's terror filled eyes. "Too bad you won't get to tell anyone what it was like." Whumper grabbed by the neck and began to strangle Whumpee.

"STOP! YOU'RE KILLING THEM! YOU SAID YOU WOULD FREE BOTH OF US!" Caretaker screamed as they watched Whumpee struggle weakly beneath Whumper. Whumpee's eyes were wide with fear, their mouth opening and closing as they desperately begged for air.

"I did say I will free both of you. And I will. I just never said if they would be alive when they were freed."

Tags: @mousepaw @jumpywhumpywriter @knightinbatteredarmor @hufflepuffwritingstuff2 @anightmarishwhump

@steh-lar-uh-nuhs @celestialsoyeon @st0rmm @ay5ksal @pedro-pedro-pedro-pedro-pe

@pepeniascat

[cyanide-sippy-cup]

Obviously a lot of season 2 focuses on Jinx's compassion and love and kindness, what with Sevika's new arm, getting her family back, and everything with Isha. But one scene that really struck me is when Ekko tries to talk her off that roof. She pulls the trigger again and again before he can even speak cause she knows he'll change her mind. But what struck out at me was that, when he complains about being blown up, she opts instead to throw herself from the roof. She had it all planned out but would choose to improvise rather than harm someone who considers her a loved one.

[weaverpop]

I would think one possible bad fight would be about MKs sacrifice, and him possibly doing it again.

Mk is reckless with his own life, and he loves friends and family more then he could love himself, it's where his over protectivness stems from. (That and his self sacrificial nature is probably programmed into him by nature, fucking thanks nuwa. The THE ONE mother figure mk has and she had to be the one that fucks up a perfectly good child)

Nezha may be immortal but mk would still actually jump in front of a blade for him without hesitation.

Tw mentions of past and attempted self sacrifice

This works very well, afterall Nezha would do the exact same thing because he shares a similar mentality. You don’t just sacrifice yourself for your family without having some issues.

This would come to a head at a terrible time, mid battle with a demon! Mk and Nezha both struggling early on in their relationship, pre-therapy, wanting to protect the other while also bringing down the big bad. Nezha might take a blow that was meant for Mk, and Mk freaks.

He and Nezha get into it. Nezha isn’t that hurt, mostly bruised, but Mk is absolutely losing his mind over the fact that his beloved just got hurt because of him.

Then you have Nezha who is trying to talk to his bf, but mk won’t listen, and they progressively get louder and louder. Until it reaches a point where Mk and Nezha are screaming at eachother in the middle of the battle field, and the fighting just… stops, because nobody has seen either of them get like this. The demon akwardly apologies to the others and leaves because damn this is awkward.

But the two idiots don’t notice, they just keep up the screaming match. Until Nezha has enough, and tells Mk in no uncertain terms that this shit isn’t going to work. He’s a celestial warrior, he can hold his own, and he doesn’t need to be coddled. Mk tries argues that he just wants to protect Nezha, but Nezha stands firm.

They don’t talk for a month.

Nezha is miserable during that time, and Jing teaches him the wonders of growing your sorrows in (strawberry) ice cream and crying into the pillows.

Mk in the other hand is left to think, and with some encouragement form ye others, decides to seek therapy with Sandy. It’s not easy, and the whole month without Nezha is agonizing, but Mk is determined to improve himself before he asks Nezha out again.

After a month, Nezha’s absence was strong enough to motivate Mk to reach out. Nezha was hesitant, but accepted a simple picnic date “to talk”.

It was by far, the most sweetest thing. Picknic basket full of all of Nezha’s favorites, a pretty strawberry themed blanket, and quiet spot outside the city where no one could see them.

They chatted for a bit, akwardly feeling things out, until Mk comes out and apologizes to Nezha for all the hovering. He akwardly explains that he just didn’t want Nezha to get hurt, and that he never saw the Prince as incompetent. That seeing Nezha hurt, even if a bit, was like lighting a fire. But he also apologies for overstepping boundaries, and acknowledges that he is working on the problem.

Nezha himself apologizes as well, aware that he had similar reactions in the past to Mk taking blows for him. He also apologizes for causing such a big blow out about it in public instead of privately, but Mk insisted it was fine, and that it was the wake up call he needed.

Nezha def cries when Mk asked if he’d still be his precious strawberry, and Mk nearly cried when Nezha agreed.

This isn’t the last time, but it’s def a big step in their relationship.