#nothing is perfect no one is perfect etc
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AT was just so groundbreaking through and through
#and yes it wasn't perfect#nothing is perfect no one is perfect etc#but what it did is challenged itself and the audience#it never went the easy route#it didn't go for what aesthetically pleasing#for what's easily understandable#and this is exactly what art should be#txt#it wanted to be something unique and it set a precedent for any new animations since then#it didn't treat the audience like it was stupid#like many shows after 2020s do and what audience expect#we need another AT to set the record straight again#that's why i also like Rise#it tried something new#it tried to be unique#and heartfelt#and i wonder how many creators were inspired exactly by AT in that
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so this is why you dressed up nice today like fuck off
#this is one of the lines that pops into my head randomly throughout the day and does extreme psychic damage to me every time#if you know how i feel why would you say that etc etc#and every fucking line from the episode 7 hell scenes#like i’ll be going about my day and then BOOM orpheus and eurydice line slaps me in the face#the worst is when i get hit with sorry no version of this where i didn’t come get you is there#and we’ve got literally forever to figure out what the rest means like SHUT UPPPP#if you or a loved one have been personally victimised by charles rowland popping in your head and saying the most devastatingly romantic#shit you may be entitled to financial compensation#genuinely there’s NO REASON for him to be that romantic like WHO GAVE HIM THE RIGHT#girl who is NOT going to be okay#charles rowland#he is so perfect to me#i mean the only perfect did nothing wrong character is niko like genuinely she’s so perfect#charles didn’t believe women for like one episode like he atoned for it but it still happened#and then him detailing his hook up with crystal when he knew edwin was jealous wasn’t great#but other than that literally perfect did no wrong#yeet my deet#save dead boy detectives#renew dead boy detectives#revive dead boy detectives#dead boy detectives#dbdshow#yeet my deebd#dead boy detective agency#dbda#payneland#edwin payne#chedwin#charles x edwin
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I have a big google doc thing where I keep track of media and stuff (putting everything in loosely ranked categories), which is mostly just for my own reference so I know what tv shows I've already seen before, etc. and I never really look back through it, typically just a quick "okay, watched two movie in the past 8 months, need to quickly slap them somewhere in the lists. okay. done. save document. exit". But today I was actually reading through some of the old notes and there are like... MULTIPLE places where my comment is basically "It would have been good if it were about elves" or "I wish there was a fantasy show made in this same style" or "It's well made, but I just keep thinking about how I would like it more if everyone was an elf or was in old 1700s costumes" or etc like...... lol.... Most biased media ranking system on earth blatantly made by someone with an extremely hyperspecific range of narrow interests. It'd be like if a food reviewer only had 5 foods they actually liked, so they'd just go to a pizza place and be like "eh, the pizza was okay, but I just think it would be better if it was cereal instead. :/ ...2 out of 10"
#Which.. I mean... I am allowed to be biased because literally it's just for my own personal reference (or occasionall#y to send to friends or something if we're discussing the topic) so like.. nowhere am I saying 'I am the god of perfect taste and these#rankings are objectively the absolute truth and everyone should have my same opinion' or anything#BUT still.. it's funny to me sometimes#'Succession would be 100x better if it had the same cast/character quirks and shaky camera style and#acting choices/weird dialogue and general concept etc. EXCEPT it takes place within an elven noble family or something#managing the family business and everyone is in fantasy costumes now'' like.....okay...... but it's NOT that way..soo... thats not the show#''I like the acting style/general tone of Fleabag but i don't care for any of the characters or any of the subject matter and I wish it was#set in the 1800s and had vampires and was about magic instead'' okay..... again... you are making up an entirely new show in that case lol#OR my other beloved typical complaint ''The concept is good but theres too much plot and action and not enough people just sitting#around doing nothing and exposition dumping world and character lore'' ''this needs more goofy sideplots and filler episodes''#''this Drama was too dramatic I think it should be more lighthearted & people need to sit around doing nothing just being weird more often'#''the Action Movie was ok except for the action scenes - which I skipped through all of- but I liked the costumes and worldbuilding'' etc.#ERM sorry your plot has too much plot. also elves have to be included somehow. bye#BUT SERIOUSLY!!!!!! I literally genuinely believe that any show I like (or even dislike) could ALWAYS be improved greatly by#putting people in fantasy or historical costume/setting/etc... why the FUNK would I want to see bland jeans and cars and cell phones#when I could see elaborate velvet cloaks and fantastical landscapes and interior design and innovative takes on historical or#magical technology or etc. etc. etc. I LIVE in the modern day. I see it all the time!!! BORING! stinky!! boo!!!#ANYWAY... another social divide for me.. People love to bond by discussing media. which is hard when I'm like#'I literally will not watch something at all unless it fits into one of these 10 extremely specific categories which are all i care about i#the entire world''.. I say this and yet I still dislike most fantasy or historical things I've watched lol. ok TWO main criteria then!!#it must 1. be in a different world or time period. 2. be goofy silly. Nothing ever has BOTH. It's always overly serious boring drama action#fantasy/history stuff OR it's comedic lighthearted but with modern day characters... WHY.. anguish and woe and so on..#ANYWAY jhjnk... at least I can make that divide. Some people seem to project their own personal preferences and get really emotionally#defensive if you say you didn't like something - as if the fact that they DO like it is some Objective Truth or something rather than just#opinion/preference based. I can still easily say ''this is well made/well written/acted/good in a technical sense/has a lot of#points of appeal that most people would be drawn to/etc'' and admit that it's a GOOD show probably. I just PERSONALLY think its#bad because my tastes are very narrow. Some things ARE actually made badly but. things are not bad INHERENTLY just bc they dont suit ME lol#Better to recognize/accept whats odd about you and be peacefully aware of it than just being mad at everyone all the time for not fully#agreeing with you even when you're the one with the Weird opinion in that case lol.. I am right though :3 but.. lol... still. i get it
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i really do think they should commit to a cindy burman redemption arc btw
#eleanor.txt#cindy burman#stargirl#she’s perfect for it i’m sorry n i also think it makes so much sense for courtney too#this isn’t just the starshiv in me this is analytical it’s logical#courtney doesn’t really have any permanent friends continuity wise#they just kind of toss her at whichever young hero they want to write at the minute. which is fine too tbh#i do hold that she’s a social butterfly i think she’s very extroverted it makes sense she has a lot of connections n friendships#but one of the first things we learn about courtney in most (if not all) continuities is that she’s losing her best friend—#—bc of the move to blue valley#n i’m not saying she necessarily NEEDS a best friend. but they’ve tried it with so many different characters at this point#n it’s so clear none of them have stuck#bc whether she ‘needs’ one as character is subjective but that is a narrative hole they keep leaving and attempting to fill#sooooo. i’m just saying. there’s a character who has been there from day 1 of courtney’s genesis#n she’s SO perfect for redemption.. her whole family thing the experiments etc etc#like i think it’s a real missed opportunity to not redeem her ever or attempt to#obviously i would love it to be permanent n taken as canon for all comics forward but . nothing sticks ever around here
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I wish there was a way you could put like. every song in the world on shuffle
#spotify playlists made for you are not enough#bc they're based on music i already like and i don't Wanna Hear Music I Already Like#god i need a hyperfixation that is Stable and also New (not a revival of one I've had since I was 16)#bc they introduce me to music i wouldn't have even thought of ever going near#not to compare everything to the highs of my tflu obsession but like?#that introduced me to So Much Music (some related. some not)#i probably listened to more genres in 2022 than i have ever listened to in my life#but idk. i could just listen to some random genre i have no interest in but what would be the point?#there needs to be a sort of 'hilda would've liked this in the 40s' 'this reminds me of swagtre' 'this is literally the plot of nddp' etc#sort of connection#but all i have right now is the endless cycling continuation of the south park obsession i had in 2016. which makes it very easy to just#listened to the music i listened to back then#also it's like. I've seen everything in that fandom there's nothing new i can really get out of it?#it's more just a mix of nostalgia and it's like. easy to get into bc idk. a lot of characters and storylines so you don't get bored in one#place for so long. almost the perfect obsession if it wasn't literally South Park#but surely i can just type in a character's name on spotify and find new music that way?#hahaha No#bc every single sp playlist I've looked through only seems to use like the same 10 songs. and i don't really like any of them#also 'he would not fucking say that' except it's 'he would not fucking listen to that'#most of the time. idk#i need new Vibes that's the problem#there's always a new vibe going on at all times but it seems to have stopped around the start of this year#maybe i just need a job. once i have a job there'll be a location i go to regularly. and I'll have to travel there in some way. and that#will be a new experience. and there'll be new vibes#I'll probably stumble across a new hyperfixation in the process. and then find new music from it#but for now everything is so stagnant and all i really listen to is 80s/90s indie pop and then just music i've listened to since I was 14#i can't even ask for recommendations bc even if i like a song it has nothing to stick to in my brain#i'll be like ''this is a cool song i like it'' and listen to it on repeat and then go off it like a day later#oh fuck tag limit#ramble
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being a queer with progressive ideas who rejects harmful traditional norms and having (lack of) daddy issues is like how to consolidate the fact that the 'perfect' familial environmental for a child is not forcement the nuclear family with a mother and a father. but also im fucked up bc i was raised without a dad and a child needs a dad ...
#cloud nonsense#like does tht make sense?#i mean lack of daddy issues as not having a father figure in ur life#esp at all not just oh he was there u knew him then he left. like nvr knew him he was nvr mentioned#it's like i dont think#n furthermore i know tht i mean as long as the ppl raising the kid has the kid's best interest at heart etc#then 'anyone' can be a parent n create a safe healthy environment for a child to grow up#but then on the other hand u feel robbed of having a perfect childhood#and by extension life bc of the absence of ur father#which also makes u think like hmmm#what exactly are daddy issues? like myb it's nothing to do with a dad being there or not#but many other factors#and it's easier to pin that difficult to parse empty space in ur development as the lack of the one very obvi thing u lacked#a dad?#hmmm much to consider
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anyway. nishiki and majima are both borderline and i could do a whole case study on either of them about it. send tweet
#im pretty flexible about most hcs regarding mental disorders and such but this take is one im like pretty fucking steadfast on#and I could write. an absurd amount about it. cause psychoanalyzing the shit out of characters is literally like. what I do for a living#and I have a weird special interest in abnormal psych and the dsm-5 in my closet and a psychologist for a mother and etc#but yeah so#inquire further at your own risk because I will talk. I will talk a lot#the only issue with majima is that I can’t evaluate his childhood and family life and just. his fundamental years of development in general#which is a pretty big deal when it comes to assessing for any personality disorder#nishiki oh yeah I absolutely can. but yeah we know basically nothing about majimas fundamental years. all I can really do is reverse#engineer so to speak based on how he is as an adult and what causes a person to do the things he does / be the way he is / etc#but of course that’d all be very very loose and hypothetical. FASCINATING to think about to me but obviously would have to be taken with a#huge grain of salt and be considered very very speculative#but I can say for sure that he didn’t have a stable and perfect home life/family life growing up I think that’s pretty safe to assume#anything more detailed than that is way more speculative but. yeah. I don’t think he was just. Normal. up until he was 20#his identity issues run way too deep for me to accept that concept#anyway I need to shut up#majima#nishiki#rambling
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aaaAAAA MORE XARIS POSTING :)
#☼.txt#immaterial tag#thinking about xaris' hair#he HAS BEEN ON THE BRAIN#thinking about his hair as an extention of his need to be perfect. to have this Control. to Be the Best. to Appear the Best.#so when he's raised on murkhana he grows it out bc idk i cant let carmiya touch his hair. thats the one thing i will not let her take from#him. just. idk. not that.#& thinking THINKING about him wrapping it up into this very tall braid out his face#& like idk. maybe when he was younger a teen he used to tie it too tight used to wear it to bed or smthn#have some bad or worser habits about it all#so he had/has some breakage but he's older now & its grown. but it's still not the same length as the rest#of all of his hair no matter how he trims frayed edges etc etc#idk just. thinking about him having such a long. thick braid & it being high up on his head & idk#my brain cant help also thinking in comparisons when thinking about xaris#so like look at xaris & then look at verikh with his almost. idk FLOUNCY hair.#his carefully careless hairstyle & look. the wide loose grin that is SO imposing & all teeth AND AND AND#and now look at xaris. with his RIGIDLY tended to appearance so much so that it has broken at some point bc of how#much he needs nothing about him to be out of place. & like idk. WHEN IT IS.#WOOF.#SORRY THINKING ABOUT HIM#sorry if this is SO hard to understand i AM STILL SICK OF SMTHN MY HEAD IS CONGESTED HAHA
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“where’s the whimsy??” it is in IZOMBIE. the show that just gets better with every episode… liv’s about to eat HOCKEY BRAINS and major and don e are on a road trip with a kidnappee in their trunk while peyton deals with zombie racism and ravi and clive get sooooo excited to see hockey liv….. this is the best show ever….
#isn’t is so crazy that i originally planned to watch it in october 2021#if that had happened literally nothing would be the same#also i wouldn’t have like it then#the absolute perfect chain of events led me to liv i wouldn’t have it any other way <3#actually if i could change one thing.#nope. not entertaining that thought. that british man being there was necessary in the same way that a rainstorm is necessary for the growth#of all plant life and in turn animal life….#what’s that song#rain makes corn corn makes whiskey. etc. rain is a good thing…..#what was i talking about how did we get here#oh yeah. like god bless the broken road that led me to izombie fr!!!!!#izombie lb
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ok sorry if this sounds fucking insane. i need to write something out.
#vent. sort of.#okay. why do i have absolutely no clue what i want or like. like in life. career/job/college/life etc wise. no interests beyond casual.#and amateur level interests. which is fine but i don’t think i want them to go higher and therefore aren’t careers you know. i like them#for fun. but like all my friends have interests and things they’re studying or doing that i hear it and i’m like oh my god yeah that’s them#that’s perfect. that’s so them. of course. makes perfect sense. and they have the history of hobbies and interest in the topic to back that#choice up. but me? man i have fucking nothing. i feel like i have been in survival mode forever and i literally have not had the opportunit#or ability to develop myself and my interests or even my fucking STYLE or ANYTHING!!! it seems worthless FOR ME. WHY????????#that’s the survival mode talking. but like what am i supposed to do now. i feel like a fucking shell of a person. like the only thing that#passes through this brain is whatever my current hyperfixation is and whatever new hell/trauma/issue i’m dealing with in my life. that’s it#man i remember being a kid and having vibrancy and passion and interests. and it just left. maybe it left when my brother was born when i#was 10. maybe it left during any one of the traumautic experiences or abuse during my teenage years.#but then i wonder what my friends see. like do i have interests and likes in their eyes? i mean space has been My Thing to my friends for#years now but even my interest and love for that was a coping mechanism (escapism) and i’m not interested in the science beyond what i can#use to cope and mentally escape or use in my head as hope for escape.#MAN i feel like i’m so fucked. like i don’t know what the fuck to do. i don’t want to do anything. maybe i’m depressed?#i mean i know i do and have dealt with depression but i mean maybe that’s what this is from.#maybe i’m autistic? maybe adhd and maybe that’s why i have whims and phases that never stick? i don’t know.#maybe it’s from the dysphoria? maybe it’s like bc i can’t picture a future for myself bc of that? probably not cuz i have trans friends who#do indeed have solid interests and senses of self.#so. i don’t fucking know.#i don’t fucking know. i don’t know what to do. i feel like i’m falling behind and like i’ll never get out and i’ll never get my head into#my own real life and the present in order to figure out who i am and what i like and want. i’ve got NOTHING. HEAD. EMPTY. WHAT THE FUCK.#what the fuck. what do people do when they run up against this problem. i don’t know.#maybe this rn is just because i’m on my period. i don’t know. fuck.#maybe it’s dissociation. or like FROM my lifelong dissociation issues. hmm.#okay but THEN i’m like okay this is a really privileged problem to have like. i have a choice in what i want to do. which is nice. and i am#not even being rushed by my family. so like. then i feel even worse for feeling this way. fuck. maybe it’s fine maybe it’s all fine.#maybe this just happens sometimes and a person has no interests and it’s fine. i don’t fucking know. doesn’t seem to be that way for most#people but maybe. who knows#vent
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like I’m literally the only one of your fucking children who's on unambiguously good terms with you despite all of the shit you put me through as a child (that I’m sure you either conveniently ~don’t remember~ even though I know that you could write a detailed novel about every time I’ve ever fucked up or you Don’t Think Was Bad) and I was literally the only one of us who’s consistently shown you support and kindness during the past ten years and ever since you’ve moved in with us (because YOU couldn’t afford to pay rent) I’ve been nothing but understanding and I haven’t protested or complained Once about it and have ensured you multiple times that you aren’t being invasive and etc and I’m the Only One Of Us who kept in touch with you and told you good night while you were in the hospital and when my sister was being verbally abusive to you I gave you a fucking shoulder to cry on every single time and denounced her over and over again and not to mention I was literally The Only One Of Us who willingly volunteered to go on a special boat cruise with you on your 50th birthday (despite the fact that being away from home overnight makes me anxious and you Know it does) but yeah you go ahead and just keep on ignoring that and fixating on everything I’m Not doing right and telling me how I Don’t Actually Love You (and don’t say that you never said that shit because that’s all “You’re Not Giving Me The Love I Give You” could possibly mean.) And How Miserable I Make You (and don’t say you didn’t say that shit either!!) or w/e and keep on lumping me in with someone who literally threatened you and called you a broke bitch and a hoe!!!! whatever fucking makes you feel better!!!!!!
#wak#negative /#vent /#and no the problem isn't you telling me to get a job and etc because You're 100% Right And I Fully Agree With You!!!#For My Own Sake Yes I Do Need To Learn How To Pay All My Bills!!!#And I Do Need To Make Consistent Income!!!!#And I Do Need To Not Be Complete Dependent On My Family!!!#You're 100% Right!!!!!#No The problem is when you undermine literally Everything I've ever done for you!!#the problem is when you claim you were 'hurt' bc I drew you something for Mother's Day and didn't buy you Fancy Shoes or w/e tf you wanted#sorry that my art that I've spent years of hating myself over to perfect is so fucking worthless to you that you feel insulted!!!#the problem is when you group me in with someone who literally verbally attacked you bc I don't have a job atm!!!#the problem is when you take something really fucking minor and turn it into this huge attack on you#aside from not being as far in life as you Think I should be#I did Nothing to you!!!!#Literally Nothing!!!!!#but that's ok#bc when I Do get to the point of being able to live fully independently#and I cut your ass off permanently#YOU'RE going to be the one crying and sniveling over it#not me!!!!#so go ahead and keep pulling this bullshit!!!!!!#not about anyone online#obviously lmao#again. ignore this shit#delete later
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Fuck I reached 30 tags I guess that got us rambling
For full context I guess read those first cuz I'm not putting all that here again
We got started on mythology and bitch were not close to being done
What I was about to put in another tag was:
I'm interested but I'm not gonna read scientific papers on mythology sorry Africa and Oceania...
European is just the easiest to come by and most relatable mythology. Being. A filthy European.
Although I'd love to hear more shit about mythologies that are more exotic to us
And no. I don't mean japanese. That's barely exotic at this point.
No I'm not reading journey to the west again either.
I could go on for so long honestly I fucking love mythology with a passion I wish I had more energy and patience to get deeper into it
But yeah no I'm not sitting down reading research papers or ancient texts that aged horribly for hundreds of hours
At least not with these mental illnesses I'm not
i made a character uquiz. i 100% promise you that you will get a character you know AND like
#THERES SO MANY COOL RESULTS AND YOU GIMME NICK CAGE#MOTHERFUCK-#i hate this#theres literally morgan le fay in there#AND MEDEA#listen who the fuck even knows who medea is#i do#thats the fuck who#and i did not get her#BUT NICOLAS CAGE#OKAY BITCH#I HAVE NEVER PLANNED A PERFECT MURDER BEFORE BUT OH IT IS ON NOW#PREPARE TO FACE THE WRATH OF A WOMAN THAT LOVES EVIL MYTHICAL (and historical) WOMEN#i will drain your blood into a tub and take a nice bath in it#i will string you up on the high gates of babylon#i will throw you into the depths of irkalla and judge you to eternal death#you will long for the pain of tartarus#nothing heracles has endured will hold a candle to your suffering#(ah shit referenced greek mythology twice already? fuck im getting out of practice...)#i will show you why we fancy the name of Nemesis#...okay listen greek and mesopotamian mythology are just the most interesting ones.#greek is the most popular so just easy to come by greek mythology content#and mesopotamian is just the oldest mythology that we have decemt records of as far as im aware#i like other stuff too but its harder to find stuff about it#and tbh chinese and japanese would be the next easiest but i just cant connect with them as well#(despite being a fucking weeb)#celtic is hard to get started on and so is nordic and slavic#then native american inca aztec etc are hard to relate for us again. somehow just doesnt click#indian is kinda neat. should get more into that#a lot of stuff from africa oceania etc is neat but near impossible to come by without actively looking
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10 Non-Lethal Injuries to Add Pain to Your Writing
New Part: 10 Lethal Injury Ideas
If you need a simple way to make your characters feel pain, here are some ideas:
1. Sprained Ankle
A common injury that can severely limit mobility. This is useful because your characters will have to experience a mild struggle and adapt their plans to their new lack of mobiliy. Perfect to add tension to a chase scene.
2. Rib Contusion
A painful bruise on the ribs can make breathing difficult, helping you sneak in those ragged wheezes during a fight scene. Could also be used for something sport-related! It's impactful enough to leave a lingering pain but not enough to hinder their overall movement.
3. Concussions
This common brain injury can lead to confusion, dizziness, and mood swings, affecting a character’s judgment heavily. It can also cause mild amnesia.
I enjoy using concussions when you need another character to subtly take over the fight/scene, it's an easy way to switch POVs. You could also use it if you need a 'cute' recovery moment with A and B.
4. Fractured Finger
A broken finger can complicate tasks that require fine motor skills. This would be perfect for characters like artists, writers, etc. Or, a fighter who brushes it off as nothing till they try to throw a punch and are hit with pain.
5. Road Rash
Road rash is an abrasion caused by friction. Aka scraping skin. The raw, painful sting resulting from a fall can be a quick but effective way to add pain to your writing. Tip: it's great if you need a mild injury for a child.
6. Shoulder Dislocation
This injury can be excruciating and often leads to an inability to use one arm, forcing characters to confront their limitations while adding urgency to their situation. Good for torture scenes.
7. Deep Laceration
A deep laceration is a cut that requires stitches. As someone who got stitches as a kid, they really aren't that bad! A 2-3 inch wound (in length) provides just enough pain and blood to add that dramatic flair to your writing while not severely deterring your character.
This is also a great wound to look back on since it often scars. Note: the deeper and wider the cut the worse your character's condition. Don't give them a 5 inch deep gash and call that mild.
8. Burns
Whether from fire, chemicals, or hot surfaces, burns can cause intense suffering and lingering trauma. Like the previous injury, the lasting physical and emotional trauma of a burn is a great wound for characters to look back on.
If you want to explore writing burns, read here.
9. Pulled Muscle
This can create ongoing pain and restrict movement, offering a window to force your character to lean on another. Note: I personally use muscle related injuries when I want to focus more on the pain and sprains to focus on a lack of mobility.
10. Tendonitis
Inflammation of a tendon can cause chronic pain and limit a character's ability to perform tasks they usually take for granted. When exploring tendonitis make sure you research well as this can easily turn into a more severe injury.
This is a quick, brief list of ideas to provide writers inspiration. Since it is a shorter blog, I have not covered the injuries in detail. This is inspiration, not a thorough guide. Happy writing! :)
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yknow, i've long thought i hated handwashing dishes and avoided it whenever possible. but i've recently discovered i don't really mind it... when it's my own dishes im washing
what i actually hated was having to clean up after people who let messes get big. doubly so now when im like 'hey, i really don't wanna be designated dish clown, can you guys wash up after yourselves please?' and they're like 'yeah, sure' and then like. they don't. and the dishes pile up in the sink. and then they're like 'oh, we'll wash them this weekend' when i say something but then they don't and then i have to take an obnoxious amount of time on my days off cleaning up after them
#like. idk man#i dont think its an unreasonable expectation for people to wash up after themselves#yes. even after cooking. i do it. so it's not like a 'rules for thee not for me' sitch#i get that it's unpleasant. washing dishes can suck sometimes#but. like. it has to get done?#thats why i end up doing them anyway even after bitching at them. because we need clean dishes to use and access to the sink#i think biggest thing that pisses me off about it is that#i told them i dont want to be dish clown. and they acknowledged that#and then they let it pile up anyway#not to get asshole dad on main. but it genuinely feels disrespectful#or maybe thats not the right word#im not gonna say they dont care about me bc they dont wash their own dishes#but it feels shitty that they cant respect my boundary of 'i dont want to be the only one doing dishes. it's unfair'#like. how do you drill into someone's head that daily maintenance >>>> dealing with giant piles of mess when it gets too big to avoid?#it's something i still deal with ofc. im not perfect etc etc#and it's not like they do nothing. they even do dishes on occasion#every once in a while#it just. wouldnt be a big thing. if it never got to be big#to the void with love
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hm. genuinely didn't think i'd be watching the collapse of the United States of America in my lifetime, but hey.
#spark talks about nothing of relevance#*shrugs* i mean what is there even to say that hasn't been relayed and echo chambered and warned and etc#so anyways usa mutuals genuinely wishing you the best and stay safe. take care of you and your own 💙🫂#and hey we're SURE as hell not perfect but feel free to hop across the pond to the uk whenever#i mean where i live (crown dependency) is so so quiet. nothing to do but. we're not imploding? so???#not maintagging this one this is just a whisper to the wind
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been caught in one of those terrible "not good enough" spirals about my writing lately
#this isn't a plea for pity so don't give me any#I guess I just feel like#unappeciated. god that sounds so conceited#tsk tsk craft I've spent my entire life perfecting and I'm not even that good at it#I know I really shouldn't but I get so jealous over authors that write indulgent schlock getting more attention#I KNOW IT'S BAD. and I write that too so I can't be too harsh. it's just like#writing is everything to me#and people really don't care all that much about what I do#especially when it's serious#or longer. or complicated. or has something to say#most people just won't read that#or less people do I guess#it's difficult feeling so dejected and it's difficult not feeling jealous of authors who get lavished with praise for absolutely nothing#when I've spent my whole life- MY WHOLE LIFE!- being good at only one thing and confident in only one thing and I'm not even that good at i#or confident in it. I guess. I'm in no place to whine#I get plenty of attention as is. I know that. every few weeks someone will leave a lovely comment in my inbox or replies#and people care about me as a person and not just a creator#so I really shouldn't complain. it's just#well I'm just not a very good person. I guess that's what I'm trying to say#and I do resent others for my feelings of inadequacy even though I know it's not their fault#I always catch myself thinking “what more could I do? what more could I possibly do to earn that love?”#the answer is nothing because I'm being vain#and I'm being envious of other's success when I should be happy for them. or at least not care and only focus on my own improvement#but it's hard!!!! it's HARD to put so much work in and not feel appreciated! and to keep thinking “what could I do to be seen?”#like there's some secret ingredient I'm missing#anyway. all this to say that I've felt really unhappy with my work and myself lately and that I'm a very vain and greedy person etc#well. whatever. you can really see the vil fan in me when I start going on like this
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