#nothing is more embarassing to me than a person who is trying so hard to be a punk anarchist 🤟🏼🤟🏼🤟🏼 like ewwww

[acidgreenpuppy]

If I have to see a other tender queer telling me "nothings✨ more punk rock 😳🙈 than the library🥰/being kind🫢/using your manners😊/thrifting😍🤑" let's all hold hands and sing bollocks I'm gonna explode

Here's a list of things that are "punk rock 🤪🤟🏼"

Listening to punk music/going to local punk gigs

[niniwritesxo]

‘pretty’ pt.4

nam-gyu x fem reader

warnings: degradation, cursing, nam-gyu is kind of mean, unprotected sex & reader is a sub.

——

how did you even end up here? standing against a cold and hard toilet stall, nam-gyu’s hand roughly grabbing the back of your neck holding your head straight.

he looked you up and down, it almost looked like he was inspecting you or something.

‘‘let go of me fuckface’’ you say trying to push him off.

‘‘you have somewhere to be..?’’ he starts, looking for a stupid comment he can annoy you with.

‘‘player 333 waiting for you?’’ he puts his left hand to his eyes, acting like he is crying. mocking myung-gi.

‘‘he has a name you kn-’’ you start defending player 333 in an instant.

it’s not like you guys were best friends but he was like the only normal person to you.

something in nam-gyu exploded, you can’t tell what it is though.

‘‘you are such a bitch you know that right?, always talking about other men’’ he spits, disgusts in his eyes at the mention of the other men’s name.

it sounds insane but..is he jealous?

no way, nam-gyu hated everything that had to do with you.

‘‘sit down’’ he demanded of you, looking around seeming to search for an idea.

for some reason you obey and sit down on that stupid toilet again, the look in his eyes seemed serious and you were curious about what was about to happen.

nam-gyu unbuckled his belt and undid his pants, showing his boxers. his right hand coming up towards your chin, lifting it up.

‘‘whatever you do, i need you to keep your eyes on me’’ he begins, expecting you to take his request serious.

he quickly reaches into his boxers and takes out his cock, stroking it a little before he starts again.

‘‘open your mouth’’ he says looking into your eyes, still stroking his member.

before you can realize what he said he already showed his cock in your mouth, holding the back of your neck again so you can swallow all 7 inches.

you feel yourself gagging as he thrusts into your mouth again and again, you feel like you are suffocating but in a good way.

for some reason you managed to keep eye contact with him.

‘‘you are doing so good for me’’ he says looking down at you with nothing but lust in his eyes.

after a few minutes you look up at him again.

you notice his legs are starting to tremble under your touch, he breaks the eye contact looking up at the ceiling.

‘‘fuck fuck just one more plea-’’ he suddenly says out of breath, his chest rising and falling in rapid, uneven bursts.

was he about to beg? no fucking way.

that’s when you feel it, warm liquid entering your mouth, escaping through the side of your mouth.

he looks at you with a almost warning gaze, practically telling you to swallow his cum. you follow his instructions and swallow it, closing your eyes at the taste.

‘what a slut you are huh?’’ he finishes his sentence proudly smirking at the insult.

you tightly squeeze together your thighs at the nickname, the way he was throwing around these insults was doing way more to you than you would like to admit.

who knew a guy like nam-gyu could make you feel this embarassed and good at the same time.

without noticing your body reacted to the sounds nam-gyu made, every grunt, moan or even deep breath he took made you react, it was either a whimper or another sound you were trying to hide.

nam-gyu notices the quick twitches and noises coming from you, he looks down at you and demands you to open your tracksuit.

you slowly take off the jacket, kind off embarrassed by the action. you haven’t had such a intimate moment with a men in forever.

‘‘hurry the fuck up y/n’’ he says almost annoyed, you notice the impatience in his voice.

you get flustered by the name calling and try to hurry up, you hate to admit it but you need it so bad right now.

you felt like a horny teenage girl right now.

——

‘‘fuck,, you feel good y/n’’ nam-gyu manages to let out pounding into your wet cunt.

you hated how wet he made you beforehand, it was the way he worded things. it was so fucking hot.

‘‘i bet that dumb bitch ex boyfriend of yours can’t fuck you like this huh?’’

you hear what he is saying but you can’t respond, the constant ramming into you is making you lose your mind, you are still sitting on the toilet and are confused how he is able to fuck you in this position, but it’s working so you are not complaining.

‘‘i- i-’’ you try to start, your eyes rolling back at the satisfaction you are feeling in this moment.

‘‘fucking talk,, y/n, are you good for anything besides fucking anyway?’’ he spits, grabbing your ponytail harshly still trusting into you.

‘‘n-no nam-gyu’’ you manage to answer wincing as he pulls your hair back.

‘‘that’s what i thought bitch’’ he responds, not thinking twice before slapping your ass.

after a few minutes of pounding, wincing and whimpering, you hear nam-gyu behind you.

‘‘i am about to- about to cum y/n fu-’’ as he tries to finish his sentence it has already happened he came, inside you.

fuck.

you quickly stand up straight, facing him.

‘‘no fucking way nam-gyu you didn-’’ you say looking at him in shock.

‘‘oh there is the y/n i know’’ he responds, his smirk showing.

he leans in a whispers.

‘‘i had to show you that you couldn’t get fucked better than this, so don’t go looking for it somewhere else.’ he says with a warning in his voice. probably referring to myung-gi.

you get dressed and walk out of the stall, when you stand in front of mirror you try to make yourself look as reasonable as possible.

nam-gyu goed to stand besides you checking his hair, checking himself out it seems like.

‘‘that was fun’’ he says looking at you in the mirror, he then turns to you and fixes your hair for you.

‘‘pretty’’ he simply states, exiting the bathroom.

what the actual fuck just happened.

———

(this is my first time writing smut guys lol, also english is not my first language)

[softxsuki]

hi!! id like to make an urgent request please :)

tw !! mention of self harm / new sh wounds , mention of a blade

if you’re alright with it, id like to request a (romantic) hawks x gn!reader where hawks walks in on reader relapsing.

ive recently grown more and more stressed and tired lately, like my energy is constantly being drained and no matter how hard i try im not enough to stop it. and i wanna reach out for help cause i know i have friends who care about me but i just cant for some reason—i dont feel the need to ask for help cause i just dont think i deserve it. no matter how many times ill comfort others i was never strong enough to ask for the same comfort, and instead of going to someone and talking about it i turn to my blade.

hawks is a big comfort character of mine and my current hyperfix, and as embarassing as it is—reading comfort fanfics of him is a way of coping with it all. so id gladly appreciate if you could write this for me :) ++ if possible, id love if youd be able to include hawks cleaning reader’s cuts, cleaning them bringd me a sense of comfort and id love to see that in the fic.

but if you’re uncomfy about anything at all, no worries ! you dont have to write this if you dont wanna :) have a lovely day<3

Hawks Comforting Reader After They Self-Harm

please do not read if any kind of mentions of self-harm will do you more harm than good!

Pairing: Hawks x Gn!reader

Warnings: mentions of self harm, blade, blood, scars

Genre: Comfort

Post-Type: Drabble

Word Count: 750

Summary: In which your BF Hawks catches you self harming and cleans up your fresh cuts

[A/N: Hey hey, so sorry for taking so long to write this, I know it was urgent. I just happened to get sick randomly and couldn't focus to write. But I finally got this done for you! I hope you're still around to read it </3. Hopefully it provides you with some comfort. Always go to others for help before taking matters into your own hands. Even if you feel like you can't, I'm sure the people in your life would love to help you out <3 I'm here too if you ever need anything! Enjoy!]

You look back and forth between the bloody mess in front of you to the panicked face of Keigo who had walked in on you. 

He was supposed to be gone for the whole day, patrolling his designated area until later that evening. Who knew he’d stop by to check in on you, hoping to have lunch together before continuing his patrol duties. Yet, coming home to you hovering over the bathroom sink with blood dripping from your delicate skin was not what he expected at all.

Of course he knew about your history with self-harm and could very clearly see all your past scars on your body, but he never expected to see you actively harm yourself in front of him. 

“Y/N…” He starts cautiously, eyeing the blade in your hands as you shake with regret.

“I’m sorry,” you cry, dropping the blade in the sink and moving your bleeding wrists away from his view, but he quickly closes the space between you.

Gentle hands grab your own and inspect the damage done. He rolls up the sleeves of his hero suit and gets to work on cleaning you up. With a clean towel he dabs the blood away, applying slight pressure to help stop the bleeding a little, whispering an apology whenever you flinch from the pain. 

He’s silent; contemplating how he let it get this far. He was a hero for crying out loud and the one person he wanted to keep safe the most out of everyone else in the world, managed to get harmed while he was away. He was angry and frustrated at himself that he couldn’t prevent the fresh cuts on your arms. All those nights he kissed your scars and whispered sweet promises of love and protection were all for nothing. Why couldn’t he be more useful to you?

“Keigo, I didn’t mea-” you start, but he quickly cuts you off as he finishes applying the bandage wrap to your wrist.

“I’m sorry. This isn’t your fault, it’s mine. I should have known something was off, I should have paid more attention and been around to help instead of being out. I’m sorry.”

He presses kisses to your bandaged wrist, just wishing that he could have the magical healing power that Recovery Girl’s kisses had. He wished he could kiss all your pain away and face it all himself in your stead. 

“No, no, this is all on me. You’re always there for me, telling me how much you love me and trying your best to encourage me and lift me up, but I always hold back,” you confess, snatching your arms away from him in guilt, “You’re so busy as it is saving everyone. I don’t want to add to your burdens with my own problems as well. I thought I could deal with it all alone, but I failed. I turned back to my blade because it was too much to bear on my own.”

He sighs, and this time brings you into his arms in an embrace, “That’s because we’re not meant to go through these things alone, babe. Even as a hero I don’t do things on my own either. I have a whole agency backing me up along with my other fellow heroes. No one can accomplish anything on their own without hurting themselves. So please let me be there for you to help you as much as you’ve helped me.”

Silent sobs escape your lips as he continues to hold you and speak.

“All those days when you held me after I failed to save someone. All those nights you patched me up after a mission and I stubbornly refused to go to a hospital; let me be there for you for all your tough times as well. Let me be the one to gather you up again and listen to all your worries, don’t fight your battles alone anymore. I promise you’re not a bother to me at all. I want to be there for you. It’s my job,” he reassures you. 

“All right,” you sniffle, finally wrapping your own arms around him, accepting his comfort.

He calls the agency afterwards, letting them know that he can’t come in for the rest of the day and instead spends his time with you. Listening intently to everything that’s been bubbling up in your heart, right by your side, wiping your tears away and giving you his unconditional support and love. He’s definitely making sure you don’t deal with things on your own anymore :)

REQUESTS ARE OPEN :D

Posted 3/5/2023

[triplegoths]

untagged

i cant fucking take living like this anymore

i cant do it i have to end it soon theres literally nothing for me here anymore. its too much to do. im never gonna fucking have another close in real life relationship.

i want to just like order some food at work so im not more miserable being here but i dont have the strength or stomach to eat something. ill eventually try maybe. i dont know. the drugs make me not eat like a fucking sick dog already and everything rn just says i dont deserve it

i have no motive or energy to do anything but work or somethimes playing a game but even that were usually unable bc were too tired.

whats the fucking issue with me!!!! i just dont give a shit anymore i dont want to do anything nothing makes me happy everythinf eventually juat makes me feel scared and sick and weird. every time i try to make fun or have plans it goes horrible and it just feels worse so i wont anymore ill just fucking rot alone like life wants me to

nobody here can help me and if i could i couldnt afford it so who fucking cares its cheaper to kill myself and lose the body so they dont need funeral costs. theyd misgender and shave me anyway probably

im just so fucking over it all im never gonna be happy like this. i got nothing. theres no good its just working til i fucking kill myself and putting myself through fuxking agony constantly for a life that continues to just KICK AND KICK AND KICK AND KICK me when im fucking down. i cant handle anything else happening. im trying so hard to get things done and theres just fuxking nothing. i will never ever be enough and ill never feel enough.

doesnt matter what or when or the circumstance its so depressing that its not just romantic relations too im so fuckinf scared in groups i automatically feel unwelcome and hated and like i should just go off by myself because im literally so unlikeable and everything has proved it forever. like genuinely as soon as i realized there were more than 2 people i got terrified and started questioning everythinf i did and wanted to run away bc i felt like i wasnt meant to be there and it was ovipus and i was being annoying like fucking ALWAYS GOD IM SO SICK OF BEING LIKE THIS can i just shut up forever? dirk please come back to front im tired of annoying all the people who so graciously allow me to exist around them so i dont have to be in such crushing loneliness all the time i feel like such a fucking baby and everybody probably thinks im such an annoying drug addict too can i just quit it and fucking feel and then kill myself already when i realize its worse

like im never gonna be able to afford any of the shit i need to heal and i dont even wanna try bc ill get 3 appointments in and will run out of money and continue doing that and then ill die bc i cant afford anything else. like why would i do that to myself ill just suffer like this and just do my best forever til i can only rot. id rather get it fuckinf over with and just die now. this isnt a life

i go frm one box go another. rotting. i rot at home alone or i go to work alone. i dont really go out. i dont really talk to anybody. i dont really see anybody. i have 1 irl friend who talks to me and lives in town. the other i dont see her often and honestly feel so embarassed of myself around her because of how i am that i can barely convince myself to see her sometimes even if she is in town. the other person is one of my exs and he doesnt give a shit about me he just wants sex bc thats the only thing im good for. i feel like i just annoy and make everybody uncomfortable conwtantly i dont wanna do it anymore i want to shut up

i always do it i always just talk endlessly frm the second i fucking could before most kids could talk even and i just never shut up did i? my parents were always annoyed by me talking about things that brought me joy (and they never believed me for things that were upsettinf and it was just fake and i needed to be quiet about it bc theyre not taking me to the doctor. so i stopped talking about it to my family and everybody else in my life in that era did the same. the bullies. my friends who ignored me. no matter the form it was always like that i just need to learn to keep quiet and go away and not need anything ever again. i couldnt fucking learn it every time i got a red or yellow card for talking (usually trying to ask questions bc i didnt understand or couldnt see or couldnt hear in elementary school. or to make conversation bc i was friendly and had no friends and my parent didnt play with me so i was lonely. nobody ever liked me bc i was weird. i feel like such a bitter dickhead but i get so jealous when i see that people talk to others every day. especially in person. im so fucking alone i literally get so excited when people want to call with me even if it makes me really scared (and sometimes if im not comfortable enough or feeling sad i will run a away from that too because im so scared to fuckinf annoy people and say something stupid or be boring or trying too hard or just fucking being a total downer because theres nothing good ever going on for me. i got so depressed goin on bsky today and seeing everyone playing webfishing when i cant. but even so lik.e maybe im glad i djdnt join bc one of them was in a big group with new mut and then all strangers so like. its better i wasnt able to bc i would probably jusg feel worse and run away frm everyone bc i feel inadequate snd guilty for taking up space. i always feel like im bothering everyone no matter what. fuck my exhusband in general but he also made me so much more insecure than i was already. he made me feel so annoying and he broke my communication. i was alone with him and JUST him for so long. i could only communicate in nonsense phrases sometimes (literal jibberish not memes) because thats all he would respond to or wouldnt talk to me until i did. he changed my whole pattern of speech and i still almost lapse into it sometimes. it was never any kind of real conversation about anything i felt like it withered my brain. nothing ever in depth just stupid sensless bullshit and jokes (that were often insulting me and made me feel like shit) and i was doing it for fucking nothing because everything else sucked too!!!! the only time there was ever a conversation was when i was BEGGING HIM to stop sometbing or do something for the millionth time. or him defending himself or trying to force my support and trigger my ocd (i genuinely think he was trying to make it worse he never respected it ever he mever respected a single part of me) or him fighting with me on something again (usually the thing was due to him and i just was not being forgiving and quiet and turning off my emotions enough about it. learned numb happiness)

my existence is like a plague and theres nothing here for me. theres even less left of me after he got done with me. he stripped my personality all the way down and forcef me to mirror him. everythinf will always be rotted and ill feel like a horrid shell of a person any time im near anyone. the only option is being alone. maybe this time i will learn and just fuxking stop all of this so we can stop being a curse on everybody. even if i could afford mental help theres nobody that can help me here so its all a waste. i feel like everybody will just hurt me again. doesnt even have to be a partner i feel like every single person is gnna realize sooner or later that im not worth it or they dont like me (ir even hate me) and that im just too fucking annoying to be around

i dont want to be annoying anymore. i wish it was like right after he went to prison again when i didnt have anything and was an empty shell and had nothing to say or talk about that wasnt venting. i wish i never got back some of my "sparkle" or whatever the fuck people call it. mines not a sparkle. its a noxious cloud of toxic annoyance fumes and everybody just has to keep their masks up til i vacate the area. why would i ever fucking want this to come back. i need to shut the fuck up i really do. just take our personality and every crumb of joy again im so sick of it. make it so i dont have any of those thoughts to even post. thus sparing everyone from having to be like "UGH this motherfucker AGAIN. does he ever shut the fuck up? is he ever quiet? can he just log off already? this guy definitely has no life. why does he always have to butt into everything"

that way i can just post like. the shortest most boring updates ever like "back to work! only 3 days this week for the 39 hours. more time off is always good" and then shut up for days and then "got paid nice. going to the bank and then grabbing a few groceries" like thats do much better. nobody needs to fucking know man its sad and depressing and all the same OR you are the most obnoxious prick on any site youre ever and you ruin everybodys day when theyre forced to see you in their notifs or on their timeline

ive probably already muted me bc it didnt even take a week for me to just talk way too muxh when none of of it is important and nobody wants to hear it

even if im not allowed to talk frm my body. its already annoying enough in text and then psyically i just stutter and trip over myself or cant think or forget what i was saying

i wanna delete everything i have and crawl into the earth. i hate being alive. the one time i find something that makes me happy even the littlest bit i cant do it anymore. disallowed by the universe and painfully reminded of the fact im supposed to alone and theres actually nothing for me. it doesnt get better for me it only gets worse. and it makes me feel stupid for believing it could even though thats few and far between. theres nothing left for me i need to just get whatever drugs i decide on and have one last hoorah and take enough to kill me. which hopefully wont even be that hard because im mixing downers and uppers constantly so like its only a matter of time right. my nose hurts and i feel like crying and my body is killing me again so im taking both things again. one for pain. one for maybe like. a little bit of energy but mainly so i dont feel so absolute shit. i just want it all to stop i dont wanna get better anymore im sick of it every time i try i get fucking worse or am crushed by something else even harder than before im DONE WITH IT IM FUCKING OVER IT i just wanna end it theres nothing fucking here for me im never making it. im sick of trying. im sick of always helping even while going through the wordt shit imaginable. im not sick of it. i want to help and i love helping. but it makes me fucking SICK to think about how ive spent my whole life caring for others. have been let down or ignored or told i was lying or had them hurt me instead so many times over i just fucking wish i was important enough to have gotten help when i needed it. to be listened to enough for somebody to even acknowledge or believe there is an issue (or simply convince me im overreacting)

it was fucking stupid of me to think my last ditch effort of doing art school because every other thing i failed miserably at because im too stupid and cant do enough and dont have the support. it doesnt even fucking matter bc my body is slowly and slowly getting closer to just saying "no fuck you" to the art i NEVER HAD TIME TO MAKE TO MY FULL ABILITY IN THE FIRST PLACE. and then ill never be able to do it ever again because i cant get help

i am going to die knowing i never finished a single thing in my life and nobody will ever know what i was capable of.

i want to die in the most painful and uncomfortable way possible because its what i deserve. its the only thing i truly deserve. i need to endanger myself more than i already do obviously its not killing me fast enough if im still kicking and dragging myself across the pavement. i should be dragged along the pavement by a semitruck instead.

i wanna kill myself so bad tonight man. im gonna try not to bc my friend really needs me rn. but i really might relapse. im so fucking tired i want to just go and sleep but ill stay up just for that. i should just cut a vein already why do i care about beinf careful. there was a thing i wanted to do... cut myself with a razor right after i use it to chop **** because maybe itll make me feel good when im not or just fuck my heart enough to make me faint or do smth stupider

ive been writing this for so long im fucking done. i got 2.5 more hours here. i hope i find my mouse when i go home so i change my mind but i honestly really just want to end it right now. im at the end of the line really. im gonna work til i die and never get a break

"everyday it feels like noone sees and noone knows. every day i kinda wanna cancel the show." /lyr

please for the love of god like this if you read all of it i just spilled my whole guts and not even well

[prettyboykatsuki]

warm-ups | nagi + sfw + worm

✬ wc ; 1k | ✬ tags ; gn!reader, fluff, established relationship, gardening + worms

✬ a/n ; i used to write warm-ups before writing and i haven't in a while. so i decided to try again and i think i'll keep doing it since it helps me get into the groove of writing.

the process is i have 4 wheels that help me decide a random noun for the prompt. i rolled bllk, nagi, sfw, with worm as the prompt.

Nagi doesn't really understand you.

A lot of the time, he has no idea about what goes on in your head. He's always been airheaded about how other people feel. Though Reo and everyone else dub him the lazy genius - it's not a title Nagi often feels deserving of. He likes soccer for different reasons, but mostly because it's interesting. Engaging, laziness aside.

But he's simple, at the end of the day. He doesn't like doing things that are hard and hates anything that troubles him. He's not in the business of changing for anyone or for any reason. Maybe it's the calmness of his character, but he always attracts the strangest people.

Passionate ones, more kindly. People like Isagi or Reo who seem to always be thinking about something or putting everything into it. Nagi tries in a different way, and only sometimes. Only when he thinks something is worthy of his attention and only to know about something he's personally intrigued by. He's sure his Bluelock alumni would call it his ego, and Nagi agrees with that assessment.

He likes playing with Reo and he's good at it. He likes being good at it. These simple, uncomplicated reasons make up most of his drive. Nothing complicated or hard, nothing like a puzzle. He's linear in his train of thought.

He wonders, often, why he attracts people who are so full of energy.

Nagi doesn't really understand how you've come into his life. You're... a different person to him. He likes you. There's not really any big, complicated reason other than the fact he likes you. It's easy to be around you.

And he was interested in you. How you so boldly confessed your feelings with an embarrassed smile and a head-bow so deep he couldn't see your face. Nagi was attracted to you because it's interesting. He doesn't think he's met anyone like you. Someone who is awkward in the way you are.

If Nagi is being honest, he thinks you're a little weird. You stumble over your words and overshoot your own confidence. You cry easily and often and get embarrassed about things he doesn't really wrap his head around being embarassing.

You only need to do something once to get over it but once seems to frighten you. You like a lot of the same things he likes, but you like things he's never heard of too.

And, you look pretty in the sun. You have a nice laugh, the kind that comes from your stomach and not your chest. You like holding his hand (and he likes holding yours, too)

Above all, Nagi loves you. To him, such a thing is uncomplicated. It's not that there's any big reasons.

(Though he has reasons, but he doesn't see them as something blinded by love. To him, it's objective truth that you're loveable. It's a linear train of thought. Anyone who knows you would think the same.)

Nagi can't understand a lot about you. Right now, he can't understand why you're sweating in the sunlight. It's early spring, the frost has melted and the sun has returned to stay.

Currently, you're wearing a sun-hat and overalls and gloves, working up a sweat as you dig up some garden beds. Nagi is there, sitting on something as you work. You begged him to just come spend time with you and it wasn't like Nagi was going to say no to you.

"You don't have to help," You had assured, maybe a little embarrassed by it "I just think it'd be nice to have company."

So Nagi has kept you company, and you haven't asked for much help other than the occasional prompt to pass something to you. Nagi has been reading Shounen Jump for most of his stay - but right now, he's having a hard time paying attention.

You're in two different worlds, and Nagi watches you in yours. You're putting worms in the soil, and you're talking to them. The sun is peeking through the leaves like they want to look at you much like he is. It feels like every bits of it's attention is on you.

You're smiling as you do it, unflinching as they squirm in your hands. Earthworms, you bought from somewhere in town - you put them gently in the soil. A bead of sweat rolls down your head, along the crown and down your cheek. You look dirty, hot and sweaty.

But you're still so bright, so warm. You hum a little to yourself, softly, as if you don't remember he's next to you. It's nice to see you like that.

"Thank you for the help," You say, to the worms. Not to Nagi, but the worms "Let's make a nice garden this year," You say to them, kindly. You watch them wiggle into the dirt and smile.

Nagi feels a little envious. He wonders if love is more serious of a thing, if he's feeling this way over some worms. He puts down the comic in his hands and finds himself squatting next to you, body moving all on it's own.

You jump a little at his presence before relaxing.

"Oh, Seishiro," You say. His name sounds nice when you say it "Sorry, are you getting bored? I'm sure it's no fun, sorry," You say apologetically. He shakes his head.

"No, it's okay. I want to help," He says. You look surprised.

"It's a lot of work, though?"

"It's okay," He says, rolling up his sleeves. He wants to say because he loves you but he thinks you'll make a funny face if he does. So instead he says "I want to help,"

You brighten. You beam at him, and Nagi thinks that love is very uncomplicated.

"Okay! I don't need much help but,"

Nagi doesn't hear all of it as he watches you talk. He doesn't know why you're so insistent on working for a garden that can wither at any time. He doesn't really understand you.

But maybe he doesn't need to, to love you this much.

[junepingu]

Bob x sick reader

Fluffy

"oh god... My nose.." You say holding the napkin in your hand, realizing that for some mystical reason you have fallen ill, You've always been careful, but especially since you didn't have to work this week, you stayed at home, how can a normal person gets sick at home? You couldn't believe it... You hate being sick and you hate the feeling of your blocked nose.

You feel on the bed with a "uff" and stayed wihh the back towards the sheets, you were feeling like shit, how could this happened... You needed help... But you can't disturb people, your ego say try and do it yourself.

You heard 5 knocks on the window, you jump a little as you look at the sound, who could it be if not... Bob ..."Bob why are you here? And i already told you i have do-*COUGH COUGH*... Uuhh fuck" you cough hard as your troath started to hurt.

Bob rushed towards you and put his hand on your forehead, "ehy darlin' i thought i could make a visit and i think i choose the right time" he chuckle as he then took off his jacket and Red hat, he then went to the kitchen fast and returned with a glass of water and honey, you hate honey.

"what's that?" you pointed out a little disgusted, he saw that and chuckle for your face "oh now don' be a baby darlin', i know you don' like it but it's for your troath... C'mon now open your mouth~" he said with a Imperceptible smirk as he sit near you, you blushed even in a moment like this where there was nothing hot, you were blushing for his voice, "mhm.." you nope with your head, he said again as you nope again, he started to irritate but didn't show it, he stayed with a smile on his face, "y/n.. This is for your healt, it Will make it feel better after i promise just... Take it" he said Leaning his hand with the spoon full of gold honey near your mouth more, you You close your mouth more and turn away "mhm!", his face now slowly pissed "y/n-" he couldn't finish as you cough again, it was a bad one this time as you made a weird face "God... I taste blood" Bob made a strange smile and stare at you for a second "thats why honey Will help you heal it" "Bob i dont like honey! Give me something else but not honey" Bob sigh deeply as stand up and went to the kitchen again, returned after 5 minutes and give to you a glass of hot Milk, "okey maybe this one Will be more to you' taste, take it darlin'" you saw it and were more happy than before so you took the hot glass and took a sip "mmhh! Thats better!" he smirked mischievously and you notice his face and made a confused sound "oh honey... You really like it uh~", you blush a little "w-what" you chip, "the Milk... You like it?" you raise a eyebrow and stare at him "mhmh~ did you know that... Honey can melt right?" he laugh and you then blush in embarassment "wha-why!Bob i told yo-" he put his index finger on your lips and lick his lips "now now darlin' don't be touchy, that means you're going to be a good girl now and drink all the glass I gave you, right honey..? His eyes were almost closed and had that kind of shadows that made your back have chills and his mouth was arching in a smirk, this man could make you do things that you couldn't even control, you were all red and flustered now, so you decided you didn't have a choice even because you were feeling shit and your troath hurt like hell, why this moment was turning out in something else... Jeez why you were so horny all the time.

You then started to take more sip on the glass even because the cup was still hot, his face returned normal and his gentle smile returned, he caressed your cheek "good girl.. Just like that~ now you will feel better after drinking that" you felt chills and melt from his words... Why he has to make sexy everything he say, maybe is for his strong accent, he noticed that and moved near your ear and whispered in a very deep voice "you know... If you weren't sick darlin' I'd punish you right now~" you stayed still and froze in the spot you "Hahahaha!" you hear him laugh as you make a confused face "oh oh~ you should see your face now! I got you!" you became flustered and embarassed as you bring your sheets and cover your face, grunt in embarassment, he chuckle and came near you and caress your hands "oh c'mon now lambchop i was joking, but i have to admit that you ar' acting a little" you grunt and turn around away from him "gmh!" he took of your sheets took your chin in his hand and kiss your lips gently, you gasp as you slap his arm "Bob! You can get the flue too!" he chuckle and kiss your forhead.

After a while you were feeling sleepy, the little moment that Bob made a while ago was strange and even hot, you hope that you weren't so Cooled, anyway he was around the house while you were laying on your bed trying to catch some sleep.

Bob was right the Milk with the honey make out your troath and was better than the medications you took yesterday, Bob was cleaning all your angles and He was fixing whatever he could find at home, all this to help you he knew how much work you have so cleaning your house a little was maybe something that could make you feel a little bit better.

You feel asleep and Bob didn't notice cause he was in the kitchen preparing you some metal for later. When he finished he went to check on you and you were Snoring merrily, he smiles and giggles a little in your presence and goes to rest on the couch.

7 pm arrives and you were still sleeping, Bob notices the time and comes to your room to wake you up even if he didn't want to disturb you but you couldn't skip dinner, he wakes you up and you wake up with a small sound and get up, with his arm around your waist he accompanies you to the kitchen to eat, "Bob... Bob what did you make" you ask with a sleepy voice "i thought that you could need some juicy meat to refresh your energy..." he drol a bit as you were starting to eat he was staring at you with an intense gaze "Bob? Are you okey?" you ask him and he answered just with "yeah..."

You ate it all and it was delicious, you were now full and decided to sit on the sofà with Bob, he hugged you from behind and you laid your head on his chubby chest, "Bob...?" he hum "thanks... For... You know everything that you did today, you didn't have to" he looked at you and kissed your head "darlin' you don' have to thank me, i did it because i don' like seeing you like this" you smile warmly and hugged tight, At some point you couldn't resist but cough, your troath hurt again as you were feeling your head dizzy "oh.. GOD... I thought it get better? *cough COUGH* Bob He holds you tight and caresses your back, takes you a glass of water and gives it to you, "it's okey take this" you take a big sip of the water and it calm down.

"mmhh..it still hurt" Bob stare at you for a second and then got up, you couldn't see him but he was searching for something you hear glass clicking and snapping of a Jar, he smirk and came back with something behind he was chuckling, "what are you hiding" you chuckle, he then show you a glass of Milk... No... Not again you thought but then you started laugh "OH come on!" you laugh and he started to laugh too "you don' have a choice darlin' c'mon... It's only for tonight and then i will buy a Syrup for that..." you smile and took the glass in your hand, he sit near you as he put his hand on your waist you jump a little "wo..I didn't think I'd have this effect on you..hehe~" you groan and took a sip of the glass of Milk, he kissed your cheek and smile warmly at you, "good girl".

his hand now was caressing your side slowly, you blush by his hand, he realize and... "what?... Are you flustered?" you hide your face in his chest, "hehe~" he was laugh as you were trying not to melt.

He kissed your head and stayed like that for as long as you needed, as he noticed you falling asleep on his shoulder he catch the glass before it fell, he bring you up gently in his arms and took you to bed, he She puts you under the covers and you start relaxing between the pillows, he stays there for a while until he starts to She puts you under the covers and you start relaxing between the pillows, he stays there for a while until he starts to leave "Bob..." he turn his head fast you were still awake? "ehy darlin' you should take some sleep you know" you couldn't see him because your eyes were half closed but you grunt and Stretch your arms up as a sign that you want to hug "oh you want hug? Okey.." he close his Space with you and hugged you tight kissing you on your head, you didn't let him go as you wrap your arms around him tightly "darlin'.. I have to go.. Ehy..." "mmhhgg.. No..." he sigh "really.. C'mon let me go i Will visit you tomorrow" "please...stay.." he smiled again and as you insisted and your arms weren't moving he decided to stay for the night.

You wrap your arms around him as you kissed his lips "now you Will stay with me for the week" he was shocked but after a minute he chuckle and kissed you again as his hands were feeling your body "yeah.. I will stay even more noè thanks..." he said joking and you laugh a bit.

You two feel asleep and the next day you were feeling better but Bob wasn't as he open his eyes he Sneezes, he look at you unimpressed, you laugh at him "yeah thanks.." you kissed all his face "oohh poor baby, now I Will make you feel better bobby" you smile.

Ehy guys Im here again with a little oneshot, anyway i hope you are having a great day and hope you enjoyed, if you have new ideas let me know in the ask-box! 🫐✨🌼💗

[cyb3rrl0v3rr]

Fanfic soukoku (bsd) hope you'll like it !!

Tw : bad english (english isn't my first language), smut, unprotected relation

3rd person POV

Chuuya was on his chair in his office, at the port mafia headquarter, taking care of some paper work, even if his mind shifted to his past, with Dazai, he used to work with him before he leaved joining the ADA, the ennemies, Chuuya was heart broken he didn't even had the time to tell him how he felt, those feeling he felt toward Dazai. It was too late now. Chuuya sighed trying to get back to focusing on his work even if it was quite hard.

The day continued, until he got out of work, he walked toward his home, he lived in a really big house, his high salary as a mafia executive could bought it. But he felt so lonely in it, his life was exhausting. He stayed in his house on his couch watching some random series on his TV. After some time he decided to go out it would be better than staying here doing absolutely nothing.

He decided to go to a bar he often goes to, he sat and ordered red wine he sat there drinking, more the time passed the more and more he drinked every glass he ordered, and only god knows how much he had eve him had lost the count he sat there head in his arms, totally wasted.

He heard someone sat next to him. "Hi, long time we didn't see" Chuuya recognise this voice but couldn't think of who it was, so he turned his head to look at the men that was talking, and surprise it was Dazai, Chuuya eyes widened. "Am i so drunk i have hallucination of that asshole ?" He ask as his head tilting looking up at him. "No you aren't dreaming, and thanks for the compliment" He said jokingly. Chuuya jumped of surprise his eyes widening even more as he tried to arrange his look. "You definetly drank a lot didn't you ?" asked Dazai, "yeah, why do you care ?" Chuuya answered. "We were partener before in the mafia so, it's normal if i want to care" Dazai said. "You abandonned me, i don't think your in position to say such stuff" he said back, a embarassing blank was here, Dazai eyes stuck on Chuuya while Chuuya was looking away.

Dazai was the first to talk "the circomstance were problematic i blamed myself for it, i didn't mean to leave you alone everything was so hard and complicated..", Chuuya eyes lit up before he said "let's just forgot about the past tonight", Dazai had mouth madee a warm smile of happiness "great !" They both continued to talk to each other for a long time, Dazai slowly becoming as much drunk as Chuuya, he asked Chuuya something, "you're too drunk to drive we can go to place it's not that far.

They arrived there, Dazai and Chuuya sat on the couch talking, and after talking and talking Chuuya drunkenly admit he used to to have a crush on him "what really ?! me too !" Dazai said "oh really then to we're kind of too late" Chuuya said. But his thought were stopped by Dazai hand getting on his cheek before saying, his voice barely above a whisper "Who said he was too late ?" Chuuya cheeks flushed bright red not pushing him away way too confused. Dazai continued to talk "i'm not planning on stopping now, if you want me to stop say it i won't do anything you don't want" Chuuya didn't say anything, letting Dazai lean in and his lips met Chuuya's. Dazai broke the kiss catching his breath before Chuuya leaned back in meeting in a more heated kiss

Dazai hand leaned behind Chuuya's hand behind his head, "are you sure ?" he asked trembling to Chuuya "stfu and let's do it before i sober and change my mind" He answered, Dazai then said "Then let's have some fun" they continued to kiss

Dazai and started to slowly undress Chuuya, while kissing his body all the way, so here he was naked in front of Dazai blushing "why am i the only one naked" he said, Dazai chuckled and looked at him, and his erect member, he laned back on the couch "you're lucky i'm feeling in a great mood" he responded then Dazai got naked. "let's start" he continued. Dazai sat Chuuya on the couch and he got his head between his leg, he took Chuuya in his mouth which made let out a gasp "Hghn..!" Chuuya moaned which made Dazai smirked with his hand he got to his ass and slowly put a finger in Chuuya moaned louder and louder "y-yes..please...i'm close" Dazai smirked increasing the pace and putting another finger in. Chuuya moaned as he continue, before finally coming in Dazai mouth. Dazai swallowed him until the last seed "good boy, you taste incredibly good" Dazai said "Now let's continue love" Dazai got up and grabbed Chuuya and carried him to the bedroom and laid him on the bed put his leg at each side of his waist

He slowly got in groaning Chuuya's name. He moaned Dazai stayed inside the time that Chuuya got acomodate to his length before starting to slowly move until he started to go harder and faster making Chuuya moan Chuuya leaned in and kissed him once again before getting his fave down and biting on his neck Chuuya continued to moan "D-Dazai.. faster please !" Chuuya's word had an effect of an aphrodisiac on Dazai his increase terribly har the pace, his balls slamming against Chuuya's ass, Chuuya's eyes started to cry from pleasure. "fuck you're so tight" Dazai groan, his pace getting faster and faster at his thrust "Chibi i'm close, can i come in ?" Chuuya nodded grabbing the sheet "me too imma come again" He answered, Dazai smirked "then let's go off together" Dazai said. Then both came Dazai filled Chuuya, and Chuuya came on Dazai stomach.

He collapsed next to him "so how was it" Dazai asked, "next time i'm top" Chuuya answered, "oh Chibi is already planning on the next time" Dazai continued "Shut up !!" Chuuya said blushing

Finished !! i'm not used to write fanfic honestly i only write bot hope you like it and tips are welcome

[readerleedigest]

Embarassing 101

I wrote something! It’s been a minute, so hopefully it’s good. Reader is Eddie’s girlfriend in this fic, and she’s trying to figure out how to get back at Eddie, who seems to know all the ways to embarass her.

When you’d started dating Eddie, you’d done so knowing full well that being his girlfriend wouldn’t spare you from the relentless teasing you’d faced being his friend.

What you hadn’t realized, however, was that being his girlfriend meant being teased even more relentlessly.

Sitting on the couch together, his arm resting just behind your head, you both listened as Nancy explained the rules of the game. You’d each been given a pen and paper for whatever this was, but you were struggling to follow along with the rules.

Click click.

You flinched, the sound of the clicking pen distracting you. Eddie was holding the pen on the hand resting behind you, but when you turned to give him an accusatory look, he refused to make eye contact. But his face was as smug as ever. Rolling your eyes, you turned back to Nancy.

A few seconds passed, then click click.

You narrowed your eyes and stared at Eddie again. He did look at you this time, and put on his best fake sympathetic look.

“Y/N, I know I’m incredibly handsome, but you need to quit looking at me and focus on the rules,” he whispered, winking before returning his attention to Nancy.

You felt the blush on your cheeks and crossed your arms indignantly, trying one more time to focus on the instructions.

“And the whole goal is to be the person with the most people in their group. Everybody got it?” Nancy asked.

You most definitely didn’t have it.

“Wait, so how do we get people in our group again?” You asked.

“Have you even been listening?” Steve laughed. “Or are you too busy staring into lover boy’s eyes over there?”

“He’s been distracting me,” you complained.

“Me?” Eddie gasped. “I would never.”

“You’re so full of it,” you laughed, shoving him gently.

“I’ll give you the basic rules again, you’ll pick up on the rest of it,” Nancy sighed.

“You’re the worst,” you whispered to Eddie, and he leaned his head closer to yours.

“You’re just too fun to embarrass.” He paused for a moment with a grin. “Plus you’re cute when you blush.”

“Shut up,” you groaned. “One of these days I’ll find something to embarrass you.”

“Good luck.”

You watched and you waited for weeks, the thought always in the back of your mind while you were with Eddie. Nothing ever seemed to embarrass him, so how were you supposed to get him back?

When he knocked a mug of hot coffee into his lap, he laughingly told the story to everyone he interacted with for the rest of the day.

When Steve found an old yearbook of Eddie before he grew out his hair, Eddie smiled fondly, brushing off the jokes Nancy cracked at his expense.

Meanwhile, Eddie was teasing you into oblivion every waking moment.

Today, you’d invited everyone over to swim in the pool your parents had put in. You’d thought you were excited for the pool to be finished, but the group had been even more excited than you.

“Y/N, how does it feel to finally be cool?” Eddie asked. You were all sitting beside the pool, rubbing on sunscreen.

“What do you mean, finally be cool?” You asked.

“Well, having a pool makes you cool, obviously,” Steve stated nonchalantly.

“Yeah, but what do you mean? Was I not cool before?”

Nancy and Robin chuckled.

“That’s exactly what I’m saying.”

You stood and acted without thinking, shoving Eddie in the chest as hard as you could, hoping to push him in the pool. His eyes widened, and he stumbled back toward the pool, but he regained his balance quickly.

Your stomach sank as that classic mischievous Eddie smirk emerged.

You put your arms out in front of you, giggling nervously. “C’mon Eds. You deserved that, you know you did.”

Eddie shook his head. “You know, it pains me to have to do this Y/N.” He clutched his chest dramatically, and then began to walk towards you.

“Wait wait wait wait,” you laughed, backing away from him and hiding behind one of the lounge chairs.

“Ooo you’re dead meat Y/N,” Robin teased.

“Shut up, Robin,” you squealed, trying to anticipate which way Eddie would go around the chair.

Eddie flinched left, you flinched left. He flinched right, you flinched right.

“Steve?” Eddie kept his eyes locked on yours.

“Steve, no!” You pleaded, watching Steve in your peripheral as he cornered you on the right.

Eddie moved quickly, the smirk never disappearing as you backed into Steve. Nowhere to run.

Eddie wrapped his arms around you, dragging you over to the pool’s edge. You fought against his grip, but your laughter made you too weak to truly fight back.

“Just can’t keep your hands off of me, huh?” You teased through the laughter.

“It’s true,” he smiled, a little bit of genuineness leaking through his smirk.

And then you were falling into the pool, the ice cold water shocking you to your core as you flailed back to the surface.

When you broke the surface, you heard the faint chuckles of the rest of the group as you gasped.

“Oh my gosh it’s FREEZING!” You yelled out.

You swam to the edge, crossing your arms on the pavement and resting your ahead on top of them. You looked up at Eddie as he put on sunscreen.

He caught your gaze. “Hey there,” he smiled.

“Hey there,” you smiled back, melting inside a little. He turned to put down the sunscreen, and you caught a glimpse of the back of his neck, where a streak of sunscreen hadn’t been rubbed in.

“Eddie, you missed a spot.”

He looked back at you, and you pointed to where it would be if it were on you. He reached to rub it in, and missed it completely.

“Here I got it,” Robin said, standing from where she’d been to help.

“I can get it,” Eddie replied quickly, trying again. He still didn’t get it.

Robin sighed and swiped her fingers across the back of his neck, rubbing in the sunscreen.

Eddie yelped, before breaking into giggles.

Robin flinched away, but then her eyes lit up with realization. “Are you ticklish, Munson?”

You watched Eddie carefully, and were delighted to see the crimson blush growing on his face. “No comment,” he said bashfully, and then cannonballed into the pool next to you.

After wiping the water from your eyes, you splashed Eddie. Next to jump in was Steve, then Robin, and finally Nancy. 

Nobody said anything else about that interaction between Robin and Eddie, but you filed it away for later, when it was just you and Eddie in his car, dry clothes on, hair wet with the smell of chlorine and sunscreen, and each of you sipping on a freshly bought soda. 

You’d both said your “good nights” to the group, and decided you didn’t want to say goodbye to each other just yet, Eddie finding his way to the park. 

“It’s a good night to see the stars,” you’d remarked, and he’d been quick to grab the blankets out of his trunk.

So here you were, laying on a blanket in the grass with Eddie Munson, hands intertwined as the stars above Hawkins glimmered. 

And he just had to ruin it. 

“Hey, remember that time we were out here and you thought you saw a shooting star? But it was actually just a plane?” He teased. 

“If there was a real shooting star here right now, I’d wish for a way to make you quit teasing me like you do,” you responded, covering your face with the hand that had previously been holding his. 

“No you wouldn’t.”

“Yes I would.”

“No you wouldn’t”

You moved your hand off your face, only to find yourself nose to nose with Eddie, who’d shifted onto his side to be looking right at you. He knew exactly how to catch you off guard, and make you -

“You’re blushing again, dork,” he grinned.

You pushed his face away, shifting to sit up and face him. 

“I may be a dork,” you sing songed, “But at least I’m not a ticklish dork.” 

Eddie didn’t have a chance to defend himself before you squeezed the back of his neck. He shrunk into himself immediately.

“Aw, look at the little turtle,” you laughed, Eddie batting at your hands. “And there we go! You’re blushing!”

You laid back down confidently, placing your arms behind your head and looking up at the stars once more. 

“It’s nice to have a way to tease you too, you know,” you stated. 

A minute passed in silence, and then another. Just when you began to get suspicious, you felt Eddie settle himself onto your hips. 

“HeEY,” you exclaimed, the weight catching you off guard. “At least take me out to dinner first.”

He looked down at you, and struck suddenly, squeezing your sides once. You jumped at the sensation, immediately pulling your hands down from behind your head to pull his hands away.

“What was that about NOT being a ticklish dork?” he teased. 

“Eds, no. Please you don’t have tohoho DOHOHO THIHIHIHIS!” 

Eddie didn’t even let you finish pleading, his hands quickly shifting to claw at the center of your stomach. He alternated between light and heavier tickles, dragging his fingers over your stomach and then shaking his hand in a claw shape. 

“Oh you’re so much worse than I am,” he chuckled. “I do wonder, though. Is your neck ticklish too?”

“NOHOHO ihihihit’s not leave me alohohohone,” you giggled, swatting away his hands as they tried to move to your neck. 

“Well this won’t do,” he stated, grabbing your wrists in one of his hands to pin them behind your head. “Much better.”

“For whohoho?”

You’d never hated Eddie’s guitar playing before, but today? You had a reason. His delicate but deliberate touches were unbearable, his fingers skating under your chin and gliding up beneath your ear, bringing out squeaks you’d never heard yourself make before. He knew exactly what he was doing.

“How did I not know about this?” he wondered aloud.

“It’s not something I usually voluntEER EDDIE NO!”

His hand had slipped behind your head, tickling the spot that had turned him into a turtle earlier.

“Eddie, yes!” He responded. 

“PLehehehease MOHOHOVE SOMEWHERE ELSE!”

“As you wish.”

His hand stopped and he released your arms as you caught your breath. When you looked up at him, he was staring at you, his eyes soft. 

“Whahat?” you giggled.

“You’re just... so beautiful.”

“Ugh.” You covered your face again, hiding the ever persistent blush. “You can’t just say stuff like that to me!”

“Why not?”

You stayed quiet, still hidden.

“Why not, Y/N?”

You mumbled something in response, but it was muffled by your hands.

Unrelenting squeezes to your sides brought your hands back down again, wheezing laughter being forced from your lips as ticklish shocks raced through your torso. 

“OKAY OKAHAY OKAY!”

He stopped.

“You cahahan’t say stuff like that because it makes me blush.”

“Good. That’s the point, you goof.”

“Yeah, but it’s embarassing!”

“No it’s not. It’s adorable.”

You groaned again, a reluctant smile on your face. “It’s like you took a class on how to tease me or something. It’s the worst!”

“Embarassing Y/N 101.” Eddie began poking your stomach again. “Lesson #1 - tickling.”

He sent you into another fit of giggles.

“No matter how much Y/N protests, she’ll never outright tell you to stop because she loves it.”

...

Maybe he was right. You’d never tell. 

[kikikou]

EphemerWeek 2024

Day 4: A relationship/dynamic you enjoy

Had to participate somehow and use this chance to spread my Laurphemer/Ephelauri agenda. 🙏

Enjoy~ 🫶

About the fic:

- Kinda angst? So, be prepared.(not a lot but still)

- Colorcoded so easier to read:

(Red - Ephemer's kinda subconscious thinking?? basically his own thoughts from his own pov)

(Blue - Ephemer's kinda conscious thinking??? his sanity calling him out on stuff)

(White - Narrator)

- Inspiration from the scene Shift Pride. (might wanna check out after this?)

- More comments in the end.

A Lonely Leader

------------------------------------

Hey, pssst...

You are staring..

Sooooo snap out of it, Ephemer!

Like, RIGHT KNOW!

Ah, there we go again. At this very moment we can see the utmost intellectual level of conversation that happens inside of Ephemer's head.

Nowadays it really is a normal occurence and Ephemer has gotten used to it.

Nothing new, really. Just Ephemer's voice of reason keeping him in check. You know, so he doesn't make a fool of himself right in front of his fellow Union leaders. Not that it really mattered anyway, they wouldn't laugh at him, atleast not of an ill intend. Ephemer knows that very well.

Hey! You are slipping away again!

Stay focused!

The room is dead silent. Everybody else is focusing rather well, except for Ephemer, of course.

Ephemer gulps as he adjusts his position in his chair. Eyes wandering around the room.

Just, focus on your book!

Right, the book.. The book...

Ephemer is really just happy for his conscious side of brain keeping him in line. And with his unconscious side that keeps wandering around.. He was not-so-happy with.

But you know when someone you know makes a nice gesture towards you and then you just can't stop thinking about it?

Like, no matter how hard you try, you just see them in a different light than before.

Like that time when Lauriam checked in on me on the Foreteller's Chamber!

It was just the two of us and he made this absurdly bad joke that still managed to cheer me up for some reason?

How does that have to do anything with the book you are reading? Concentrate.

R-Right, my bad, I know..

But isn't he just a beautiful person? With his flowery perfume and soft hair and everything..

Oh, and I wonder if others have noticed how nice his handwriting is? He writes in cursive!

Concentrate on the book Ephemer.

Also he's surprisingly strong, isn't he? I'll wonder if he could let me, prehaps..

I don't know..

Would it be too embarassing to ask? I mean, if I ask nicely maybe he would agree..

OH LUX HEAVENS, JUST READ THE DAMN BOOK!

...

...

...

Fine, finish the sentence then!

...Would it be too weird to ask him to carry me in bridal style? Only to test it of course!

Juuusttt out of curiosity?

Heh, you know??

Y.o.u a.r.e t.h.e l.e.a.d.e.r a.m.o.n.g.s.t a.l.l o.f t.h.e U.n.i.o.n l.e.a.d.e.r.s!

Right..

Right!

..right

SO, STOP ACTING THIS WAY FOR THE FORETELLER'S SAKE! The responsibility lies within YOU!

I- I know..

It's YOU who have make sure that everything doesn't fall apart!

It's YOU who have to keep everyone together! We have NO TIME FOR THIS!

I need you to C.O.N.C.E.N.T.R.A.T.E!

...

Finally, the shame started to creep in. Oh, the shame, that old insufferable friend Ephemer couldn't quite shake off.

Because Ephemer knows better.

He knows better than to crush over his fellow Union leader friend, and he knows his responsibility within the group.

Still, he has just let it happen.

And that makes him feel quilty. He shouldn't be feeling this way, not towards someone who he considers to be his friend. And he shouldn't be even considering these kind of thoughts because he was the leader.

If something is to go wrong, he should be able to act fast and accordingly! As a leader should!

And PLEASE, stop staring at Lauriam! He might just notice!

Ephemer's gaze finally dropped from the hypnotizingly pretty friend of his, that is sitting across the table with no clue in his mind about all the sorrows and burdens of Ephemer's heart, to the book that is sitting in his lap.

To were it originally should have been.

It really is moments like this that makes his heart ache.

But there really isn't anything that he could do to get rid of these feelings. He couldn't tell Lauriam or confess his feelings to others for support.

As sad it was to realize at first, being a leader of the group comes with a shattering amount of expectations, responsibilities and worries.

And sometimes being a leader is a lonelier task that Ephemer would like to admit.

But he would manage, because he doesn't want anyone else to go through this. That alone makes him puss through all the hardships.

But maybe that is what being a leader is about, to endure what others can't and to suffer so others don't have to.

Even though it might be lonely at times.

------------------------------------

No, but seriously do you guys ever wonder if Ephemer felt guilty over how things went?

Because I'm sure that he damn well did feel that way. 🥲

Also about the ship:

Ephemer & Lauriam would be such a cute couple. Like, there's so much potential in these two and it's a shame that the ship isn't very popular. 🙏😭

On the other hand, maybe I should do it my own mission to spread this ship over to others 'cause I'm literally brainrotting here over them alone lmaoo. 🧍

Anyway if there's any other fellow Laurphemer shippers out there WOULD LOVE to be mutuals/friends or smth. 😔🫶

(Also, have a doodle, you're welcome 🙏)

[cassketti]

Tbh… you should totally drop your adrian shephard headcanons pls……..

OWCH OW OW OFYCK FUCK FUCK CRAMPS OCUH OC WO OWWWW

- filipino. hehehHAHAHAHAHA 🇵🇭🇵🇭🇵🇭

- He doesn’t know how to speak tagalog. Just picked up some words and phrases that his parents said.

- Agender. Lmfao. Aro bisexual

- I’ve been kinda thinking abt what his typology would be. Whats there to even type LMFAOO. But ermm. I’ve been thinking sp7, sx6, 8fix, 3fix. He’d def be like a 3V tbh.

- His spore launcher grew up. YAYY!!! Spore launcher, erm, shock trooper, acts like an angsty teen now.

- Adrian: ya man so like. I would be carrying this baby alien around with me and he SPITS OUT FUCKING uh FRUIT GRENADES AND SHIT like thats fucking sick man wish I can spit out fruit grenades Shock trooper: ddaaaaaad, ur embarassing me.. 😡😡😡

- But they’re both happy they were able to reunite <:3 HEHEHEHEHE

- Adrian was in stasis all like “that mf BETTER NOT BE DEAD.. THAT WAS MY SSON…..”

FUCK OW OW OWWW

- i hate his cannon (ish?) personality. Tf u mean “adventure”?? Acting like ur going to a field trip and shit. Omfg.

- That being said. He does try to look for opportunities of “adventure”. Type of guy to purposely get himself lost. Like he’d be walking home and go “damn bruh what if I just went a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT route than I usually do”. Chris McCandless ass 😭😭

- I feel like he’s the younger sibling 💀💀LIKE THE TYPE WHO ACTS MORE CHILLER AND I GUESS MORE MATURERER THAN THE OLDER ONE. Mitchell tries so hard to be like a role model for him but adrians jus chilling

OW

- (This is after like stasis. So like, hl2) hates being in the dark (literally). Hates being alone too. He’s not like super duper social or anything but he tries to surround himself with people or at least someone to keep him company.

- Touch starved, lmfao.

- Foams at the mouth at the sight of grass and light /j

- He gets overwhelmed (physically) easily. Light gives him a headache. He notices sounds more.

- Adrian’s upset that his home is kinda, gone. And he feels rlly homesick and there’s nothing he could do 😭😭😭 bro came back from 20 years of the void and he finds out that everything has completely changed.

- Cuz like. In his years of stasis he was fantasizing about being back at Earth and what he would do again, then he comes back and ITS TERRIBLEEE 😭😭😭

- Hungry. Appreciates his meals alot more than he did before. I mean who wouldn’t, look at WHAT EARTH IS IN HL 2. THE COMBINE FOOD IS NASSSSTTYY AND SOME PEOPLE BE JOINING CIVIL PROTECTION FOR IT.

- this isnt an adrian shephard hc. But like i like to think rebel bases has like those filipino tricycles, the ones with a motercycle attached to like a cab. Yk? Alyx rides on them a few times. Hc she’s also (partially) filipino 🇵🇭🇵🇭

- he used to be kind of a germaphobe. Bro washed his hands two-three times for more than 20 seconds each. Like he’d wash his hands and go “damn wait a minute what if I didn’t wash it enough. One more time just in case.” He carried hand sanitizer with him everywhere. Washed his face and doused himself in lysol disinfectant spray whenever he came into contact with something that “just felt dirty”. Wiped down his belongings after someone borrowed it. Tried not to open doorknobs directly with his hands as much as possible. Used to be hesitant on petting stray animals. He grew out of it, eventually. Lol. Such a 1F (ME TOO ME TOO ME TOO)

- I mean he’s an animal person tho. That’s just a collective agreement at this point. That mf liked animals. He likes otters. The spore launcher reminded him of an otter.

- Hated being seen as weak or pathetic. Tries to make himself important. Hates people seeing him emotional. Tries to act calm and collected and shit. He doesn’t know what he’s doing most of the time.

- Likes journaling. I do too. He glues scraps and other stuff on a page when he didn’t feel like writing.

- Feels like he failed something. Like he could’ve reached his fullest potential but didn’t. Erm. Wasn’t able to at least.

- gman bullies him cuz he thinks it’s fucking funny as hell. Like, just do things that would inconvenience Adrian slightly (not rlly slightly). Like gman moves furniture precisely where Adrian would hit his elbow really hard, flinch and turn around really fast, then hits his head on another piece of furniture, then he falls over and hit his back on the edge of a chair.

- Gman would abruptly teleport next to adrian, trip him over, then immediately disappear right before Adrian could get up.

- Yk. Stuff like that.

- Adrian’s lowkey scared of gman. I mean shit I would be too if I was him. He’s scared that gmans gonna come in and ruin everything for him. Gordon is too, I could go into detail and my gordon hcs I literally have notes for it. anyways.

- He dyed his hair blonde

Theres more buuut WHATEVER. Some of these dont even rlly have an apparent reason I jus be like “ya this got to be adrain shephard” and believe its true

Part 2 if someone asks this question again FILIPINO EDITION🇵🇭🇵🇭😇😇/j

[blackstonesandtrapnest]

Sex and The City: Teen Titans Edition

Just a little something I decided to dabble in and try out :) I might do this with other fandoms if the interest is there or if I feel a spark of inspiration! Obviously everyone is aged up for this so no worries there!

Robin

Is such a workaholic that it’s honestly a shock he even has a sex life at all, much less an active one. Still waters run deep after all!

Robin lives by the phrase “work hard, play hard”. For him, sex is a way for him to relieve tension and anger. He also uses it to express his love for his S/O since his love language is physical touch. But this can backfire since Robin prefers to use sex as a distraction to avoid talking about his feelings and to avoid arguments. Yup he’s that kind of toxic.

Has a pretty high sex drive but is selective about his partners. Robin’s not above one-night stands or flings but he doesn’t wanna just fuck anyone that crosses his path either. If he doesn’t have a partner, he’ll just masturbate instead, which he does regularly whether he’s single or not.

One would expect Robin to be quite dominant in bed (which he is) but he secretly wishes to be dominated himself for once. To him, nothing is sexier than someone just taking control and fucking his brains out. His favorite position is cowgirl and any variation of it. Having his partner on top of him talking dirty will make him come with much haste!

Doesn’t mind being teased and doing some PDA but save the sexy stuff for the bedroom. Robin likes to have privacy when fucking. His room is soundproof so his partner can be as loud as they want!

Starfire

As expected, Starfire is very passionate and emotional with far less sexual restrictions than most people are comfortable with. Tamaranian culture is very different when it comes to sex and nudity overall so it can be quite jarring to people from other planets.

Lost her virginity long before she came to Earth and had a few partners under her belt as well. Most people assume that Starfire is super innocent but she’s far from it! She’s very experienced and prefers to sleep with people she has a relationship with whether romantic or platonic as opposed to one-night stands or flings. Starfire has had her fair share of casual sex and she finds it unfulfilling. Her first sexual experience on Earth was with Robin as expected.

Starfire is definitely a romantic person and pretty easy to seduce as long as her partner is authentic and doesn’t have ulterior motives. Just be upfront and honest and she’ll be putty in your hands! Her sex drive is average but she’s a people-pleaser so she tries to match her partner’s libido the best she can.

Starfire LOVES oral and anything to do with it! As long as it involves your mouth or hers, she’s all for it! She prefers more sensual and erotic sex as opposed to just rough fucking and loves to be praised and worshipped! Starfire is a sub at heart and she’ll definitely return the favor, treating her partner like the king/queen they are!

Starfire has had many accidents and mishaps during sex because of her powers which are embarassing and hilarious to say the least. Think “Sex Sent Me To The E.R.” kind of accidents. Needless to say, Starfire will not use her powers during sex and it’s one of the few things she refuses to budge on. 

Raven

Has the most experience out of all the Titans and has the highest sex drive hands down. One-night stands, casual sex, FWBs, relationships, Raven has done it all and possibly even more! There isn’t much she hasn’t done honestly and yes she has slept with some of her fellow Titans at least once.

Raven enjoys sex and is very comfortable in her sexuality and body but is understanding towards others who are more conservative and/or repulsed since she has that outward appearance herself and doesn’t talk about sex unless the subject comes up. “Lady in the streets, freak in the sheets” is Raven’s motto.

Raven describes herself as an Ethical Slut and fits that trope perfectly to a T. She’s great to go to for sexual advice as well as relationship advice. She doesn’t shame people for having preferences or kinks nor does she shame people for having relationships that one might consider unconventional. But she will shame people for immoral and unethical views and actions and won’t sugarcoat her feelings either so be careful when confiding in Raven cause she’s no enabler!

Has a secret area in her room that’s a mix between a sex store and a sex dungeon which is where she keeps all of her sexual items. Toys, BDSM gear, various kinds of lube, the Karma Sutra (she’s done every position in it), porn, you name it, Raven’s got it. She always practices safe sex and will only have unprotected sex if she’s in a monogamous relationship and her partner has been tested first. Consent is also very important to Raven and she won’t do anything without her partner’s approval. Safe words are also required with her!

Raven’s favorite position is The Eagle and she likes rough sex with deep penetration. Talking dirty is a specialty of hers and she loves it whether it’s praising or degrading! She also loves spanking and choking. Raven is a switch and loves to roleplay so feel free to use your imagination! The sky’s the limit!

Beast Boy

Sex? What’s that? Beast Boy would rather play video games instead. In spite of all the dirty jokes he makes and the occasional flirting he does, he’s not a very sexual person. Beast Boy is quite picky about his sexual partners and doesn’t have sex with just anyone. His libido is average and he can go a long time without sex if there’s no one special in his life as meaningless sex bores him to tears.

Beast Boy was indeed a virgin when he first joined the Titans and wasn’t in a hurry to lose it either. He did eventually lose it (to Raven no doubt) and he found sex more enjoyable than expected. The only other sex partner he has had is Terra and his sexual experience ends there. If he doesn’t have a partner, Beast Boy will just settle for porn and masturbation instead. Yes he does have a porn stash and some of his supply has come from Raven.

As one would expect, Beast Boy does indeed have a period of when he goes into heat and during this time, his libido skyrockets to the point where it could be higher than Raven’s! Beast Boy is unbearable to be around when he’s in heat because if he doesn’t have a partner, he becomes snappy, irritable, and mostly holes himself up in his room until it’s over. If Beast Boy does have a partner, they better be ready for the most animalistic, wild sex they’ve ever had! Unlike Robin, Beast Boy’s room isn’t soundproof so there will be a lot of noise coming from it to the point where it might be concerning. Let’s just say safe words are definitely a must with Beast Boy and his partner won’t be able to move let alone walk for quite some time once he’s no longer in heat!

Beast Boy’s aftercare is out of this world thanks to Raven teaching him! He’ll clean his partner up with a luxurious bubble bath, massage their sore limbs/muscles, and definitely feed them (he’s a pretty good cook!) all the while praising them and telling them how good they were. His partner will definitely feel pampered and be able to relax in luxury! 

Beast Boy’s favorite position is doggystyle and he prefers a slow build-up to rough sex with heavy anticipation. Teasing and making jokes is his trademark and it applies in the bedroom too! He always comes up with ways to make sex fun and memorable! Laughter will definitely be had when in bed with Beast Boy!

Terra

Since Terra was a drifter prior to joining the Titans, her sexual experiences vary from borderline traumatizing to something that would make an erotica author blush. Although she’s not as experienced as Raven, she does have her own share of stories and doesn’t really mind sharing them as long as she’s comfortable with someone. Terra used to have a cynical view of sex but having more positive experiences has warmed her up to it and she’s become more sex-positive as a result.

Terra’s sex life has slowed down after joining the Titans and she has had sex with Beast Boy on many occasions as one would expect. She doesn’t mind having casual sex or relationships and they’re practically the norm with her. Terra also masturbates regularly and has her own collection of sex toys that she uses on herself and any partners that are interested. She doesn’t care much for porn and prefers to watch and read erotica instead, being a big fan of authors like Zane. Her erotica collection is pretty huge too.

Terra’s libido is pretty average and she can go a pretty long time without sex whether single or not. She has trouble initiating sex because of previous bad experiences so patience is needed in that area. If you initiate sex with her, it will be rare for Terra to turn you down and if she does, she has a good reason. Ethics are also important to Terra when it comes to sex especially because of said bad experiences and even bad things she’s done in the past.

Terra’s favorite position is The Lotus and she likes to be facing her partner regardless. She likes passionate sex and deep penetration as long as you don’t hit her cervix. Talk dirty to her and praise her please! Terra doesn’t like degradation so don’t even try it! Safe words are also a must with her. Terra has had issues with boundaries in the past and speaking her mind when it comes to her likes and dislikes so being sensitive to her needs and wants is a major plus.

Aftercare is something that Terra has rarely had so she doesn’t really have any expectations for that. All she does after sex is pee and shower. Pillow talk is also something Terra has rarely had but really wants. She’ll slowly try to initiate it and if you respond in kind, she’ll talk your ear off for hours! It’s so adorable honestly! Please give Terra some much needed attention and TLC!

[theropoda]

if i ever find myself lying to myself again about how im normal and have nothing wrong with me other than being oversensitive im gonna show myself my own damn tweets from like 2016 bc That Is Not Normal Behaviour. i guess i keep denying myself the right to be sad about myself and my life because i didnt know anyone else who had it like me, so i didnt have anything to compare it to and just assumed that my life wasnt that bad when it.....Certainly was not good and shouldntve been that way. esp bc the whoooole time my parents way of cheering me up about the situation was "other people have it worse, it could be worse, dont worry it isnt that bad" (in general thats indian culture i think LOL, to acknowledge that your situation is bad is some kind of embarassment almost)

its so crazy though to see tweets of me just entering like high school trying to figure it out like "i have no idea how i will keep living"........Well guess what.......I LIVED BITCH........Life may still be difficult but it has genuinely gotten clearer, about hey imDisabled actually which explains fucking everything, theres people like me out there!! and i feel like the path to a good life is visible to me now i just need to walk it. It looks really fucking ugly and hard etc but knowledge is power and just knowing things about myself that i didnt know back then, makes me feel better i guess. Dont worry lil john you made it :] i can only hope john from 8 years from now feels the same way.

its interesting to look back on this time period, like i was literally just going through My Files looking for oc stuff and just kinda happened across this archive. probably the part of my life where i most severely delt with self hatred and the idea i was a morally horrible person (average 13 year old experience i have learned) that should straight up die....i learned to deal with it eventually, convince myself that im not evil, but its just....interesting seeing it at its worst, before it subsided, and the past few months it's been comin back again except this time its less "im literally evil scum i oughta die" and more "i'm a pretty okay, average guy, but man do i want to be so much more". but i definitely think that's an improvement LOL.

anyways whats the point of this post. just airing out my thoughts. also that it gets better. even if things don't become perfect they'll maybe get clearer. maybe you're not out of this hole yet but you know it can be done. Or something i dunno

[itgirlera1]

IT GIRL ERA

I'm 16 and a senior in highschool. My bank account is in the negatives. My grades are shit. My style is shit. I have no close friends. I am tired of living like this. I am tired of feeling so ashamed in my own skin. I am tired of laying in bed and using porn and tiktok to escape. I want to live my life. I want to get my own apartment. I'm muslim. I want to be popular. I want a husband. I want to be loved. I want to be stable.

It's funny because I feel better than everyone but I have nothing to show for it.

I want to make so much fucking money and slay and be happy.

The laptop I'm typing on isn't even mine it's the one my program gave to me.

I need to get my money up.

I want to reinvent myself.

I refuse to succumb to my life being shit.

I will be better.

I also think I have undiagnosed anti social personality disorder, narcistic personality disorder, adhd, bipolar, and depression. {IMAGINE GOING TO THE DOCTOR TO BE CALLED A NARCISIST LMAO HOW EMBARASSING}

But I don't fully believe in modern medicine either

I have a hidden agenda against basic bitches not becuase they're basic but becuase basic is like stanely cups, starbucks, dunks, and air force ones but I am far too poor to be basic. It's envy really.

I don't want to work hard but my parents fucked up when they came to this country. They weren't the type of immigrant parents who actually had their shit together. This means I'm going to have to work my ass off to be rich or find a rich man but I'm not that pretty.

Here's my problem, whenever I do something I feel like I should be doing something else. When I plan I say why am I not doing the thing. Even now, shouldn't I be doing shit to get to where I want to be and not promising weirdos on tumblr that I will be this it girl?

I am a hater to my core but it's also becuase I hate myself

I might fuck around and start using google calendar

I have to plan

I envy those who know their next step. Who have such certianity in their actions.

I think I isolate myself becuase if I do then I won't have to bring my horrid uncertain energy to them

I don't know if belief is true but I think if you believe something it might be true

I'm not bold enough to post videos on youtube about how I have no friends yet

I'm young but I am activley making decisions that are fucking my future up

When I first started to do this, I thought it was cute and I could snap out of it at any second

But I can't

And so I escape to the internet

I've been searching for answers

They aren't coming unless I find them

I think I should become more religious

I'm muslim but sometimes I have a fantasy of being this sluttly hijabi. Sinning relentlessly but then praying 5 times a day.

It's horrendously fucked up I'm well aware.

I want to be admired. I want everyone to look up to me and see me as perfection. I want to do it without a pimple. I want everyone to look at me with awe becuase there is something so alluring about me they can't put their finger on it

I pretend that I'm not scared of death

The moment I am walking home late alone or am in a sketchy place I start praying. I think that's how I know I fear god. Whether I only beliveb in god becuase that's what I was taught, or maybe I became smart enough to comprehend my religion myself. Regardless. I want to become closer to my religion.

I contemplate ending my life. Often. It is probably the first thought I have when I wake up and the last one when I fall alseep...

I experience happiness and I try to hold onto it but my grip is never tight enough and it slips through my hands. I wish I was established. I hate my mother but I would sacrifice my life for her. I love my father but I have learned to excuse men. I should hate my father but I don't. Maybe it's because I don't see him as often. It's hard to hate who you don't see.

I am constanly yearning for an answer.

I'm not entirely horrible or bad or broken like some of you insufferable bitches insist to yourselves. I am good and loving and kind sometimes. I am worth some. I can contribute.

I don't turn in my assignments on time. I text no one.

I am scared of my ethnic community. I am the weirdo

For a while I isolated from everyone and everything hoping to find the answers but I spireled into pits of madness.

I think money could save me. People say it won't but I won't believe them until I have experienced it myself. Then I can shove my money down a therapists throat and they will fix the emptiness that lurks inside me.

Until then I see dollar bills as I close my eyelids.

I want love. Mainly for sex. I am muslim. So I'm waiting

If I was a boy I don't know if I would marry me

I don't connect to the kids my age. I feel different from everyone but I am still so human and so like everyone else. I distance myself to insist I can't connect but I know I could.

I am so tiny in the grand scheme of things. I am so small and unimportant and I feel like the grandest bitch in the world

I isolate myself often. I pretend that who I am there is not who I am. My father would scream and make me cry and then go talk to the neighbors like nothing has happened.

The ugliness of the world has hit me at a young age and now I have to do something about it.

I'm becoming everything I am disgusted by.

I've always wanted someone to look up to and admire.

I trun seventeen soon and I am scared of getting old.

I always used to think I can never see myself at this or that age and then it happens and I survive

I think I need to survive first

And I will thrive

I love you,

Itgirlera1

[fujosheaven]

𐙚 i hate my aphantasia i hate it i hate it!

sometimes it gets so fucking hard just to function in the world when i cant goddamn think

sometimes for the life of me i cannot think i cant create a thought how am i supposed to function if i cant HAVE A THOUGHT?

im so forgetful and time blind so i never do anything i forget to eat i forget basic tasks that i need to do

and when i do have thoughts theyre often so unpleasant that i still just dont want to think cs i always think the worst

and everyone else has thoughts so they dont want to talk to me but i cant stand the silence its suffocating

i need music in my ear 24/7 or else ill fall asleep or try and converse even when they find me so annoying

god nothing hurts more than when they tell me to shut up (thanks dad)

but i cant even keep talking because the words dont pass through my brain before they exit my mouth so i stutter and i struggle and i look even more stupid and i cant make friends because if i do think about it i worry so much about how annoying theyll find me cs my biggest fear is to be disliked

like trust me buddy i wish i could shut up too so i could stop embarassing myself im always embarassing

why do my only thoughts pedal my own insecurities and weaknesses and make me feel stupid

im not stupid im just failing myself over and over because my brain literally cannot function

but i look stupid and thats all that matters cs im sure other people see me that way

how am i even an artist if i cannot think

how do i do anything

it sucks cs i really dont even notice how incapable i am until someone who thinks more than me can function so much better

like no shit im struggling to remember when i cant see or hear in my head or have a train of thought without it taking so much effort

so of course i struggle with impulse control and controlling my emotions because how can i control something if i didnt even think about it first? im trying i really am but its so hard to regulate myself and get better and do better if im struggling to function in the first place

most days i can get by perfectly fine but then the struggle js fucking hits and god im TIRED

it would be so nice to be normal no matter how positively i talk abt not having all that noise going on in my head

hell i cant even think of what i want to type because theres just nothing there i feel like a shell of a person because what kind of person doesnt have concious thought its so empty having only like two independant thoughts a day, if that.

i ran out of thought. i wish i had more to say because i really do have so much but it just doesnt come to mind and its such an awful feeling and all i can do is cry

and then i peacefully copy paste tags to my goddamn tumblr post because im faking it all for attention arent i is anything i do true and genuine?? i dont goddamn know because i cant think about it!

sidenote tt n pinterest stop showing me ed content istg i rlly dont want one i want to be healthy im so terrified of subconcious influence because i am so so so vulnerable to it im so easily convinced i hate it

[theorist-influencer-untitled]

11.23.24 Saturday hmm....What will be my Saturday??? CHIKA Night but I lost my old fakers circle or I lost a crowd.

12:03 am

Still,have windblow...

I feel bitterish....I have windblow... I wanna leave Cavite.... I feel bitter for not having a bf... I can't see my cousin-white... I feel bitter,if my cousin-white loves me he will transfer me somewhere far away from here...

I'm always in the center of embarassment here in Cavite for 17 years...

7:15 am

Still,have windblow...

I feel frustrated here in Cavite... I'm having depression... So,many fakers old friends... I need money and job.

My heart is heavy and old fakers friends can't understand this when I say "my heart is heavy!"...

I'm burn-out in a way coz I'm doing something that is more than a couch potatoe that I'm trying to believe that something is real... Why,not??? People are advertising it... Why,is it not real???

It is not easy, it is tiring as well and your emotion is up and down... Why, it will not be real?

I feel bitterish... I feel so ugly... I feel fat... I wanna go back to gym... I feel old for nothing...

10:13 am

Still,have windblow...

I'm so depress and frustrated and I want my cousin-white....Thinking of money and job....Worrying so much....

3:31 pm

Still,have windblow...

Done,watching "FruitCake"...

Coz in real life each of us has a fruitcake on the top of our heads...

Fruitcake means an issue or a buzz about you. You did something with someone that they had fruitcaking each other.It is the same on the toppings on ice cream, the EXTRA added topping that my most loved cousin-white sprinkled into the ice cream of our 2nd degree cousin. I hate that fruitcake!!!

I'm having depression,I need to manage... I feel frustrated...

I'm not happy being trapped by someone that I don't actually know just like this windblow trap...

I really like my cousin-white most specially, this will be the real thing next are my youtubers... Of course you see people on youtube, we all know that the famous people are considered artist...I can't be in their world most specially that I'm super broke... But I wanted to be youtuber for something a goal but I don't wanna act,gets? I want a content where I can show something new... But probably it is not for me...

I wanna buy Starbucks everyday... I miss gym.... I want a bf who can lift me up like my cousin-white...

5:20 pm

Still,have windblow...

This is for my X-Ryan, I'm not mad but I can't go back... My mind is really on my cousin-white... Probably Mitch can understand? Will Mitch go back to Geof? 20 years ago? That's crazy...

Let's just leave the friendship as it is... He owes me so much...

5:56 pm

Still,have windblow...

The difference Mitch is loved by everyone and me? I know, I'm not ever since...I always had have the hard time to get a bf who is really into me...

That's why my old fakers friends will be shocked to know that my new name is Peachy or Peaches.

Peachy/Peaches meaning hoping to be attractive...

7:06 pm

Still, have windblow...

It is just weird...What is the story of my X-Ryan? I met DJ Nice only on the virtual world in cuddle he mistakened me as a young teenager girl coz from the past years, I tried to be skinny... But when he talked to me over the phone he figured out that I was older than him... He said we're friends and I said yeah! We are friends! The point I got my X-Ryan that kind of look, thin and fresh and kissable lips. I was fat when I was with Ryan. Not sure if DJ Nice is still young looking... I don't know what is the looks of my X-Ryan now... He owes me so much....Though, I've learned some things from him....Our past relationships taught us to be a better person for our next relationship.

I met him in hell, we were dead... It was just an innocent train... I had slight amnesia that time, I took depression meds... But these days, I'm stronger and better if ever for my cousin-white... Depression will be just a piece of cake for me! I grow and I know I'm fully a grown-up trash now of my cousin-white ;) hahaha but where is he now?

I struggled and still struggling for 17 years... I wanna cry for not having a personal success... Sometimes, I asked myself,why???

I really like my cousin-white the first time I saw him... The 2nd time I just don't get it, if the broom that he always stole from his mother if it was a double meaning or just a story for me...

I really wanna do botox... I feel old now and it is totally unfair...

8:39 pm

Still,have windblow...

Revelation... Hidden back-story...

It is just really funny that my biological mother didn't know that I was not innocent on my X-Ryan that he has so many siblings and his older sister is liberated... I know angels got this point! My X-Ryan and his sister are liberated.

How can I just explain these things... It is so difficult to organize the story... I find my biological mother so funny for being on the side of my X-Ryan, I'm not sure if my biological mother got this point... They are politician family in Kalibo, Aklan...

But I was always nice to my raw sister in law....I was just quiet and I know that x-sister in law was somehow scared of me....Coz I was just quiet...

Then, I remember my X-Mark who went to New Jersey after college....They had have? The same issue but different version....

Mark Sherwin Torres, you broke my heart but he didn't know it....Twice,Thrice and I know he will always break my heart... But of course we had have friendship!

When Mark went to New Jersey, he called me almost everyday,yeah! I felt that we were full grown-up people that time... I missed the maturity about me should have sex with a bf,that was my innocent mistake....My story was and stil weird...

One time Mark called me and he wanted me to flare up or shout... I was always or trying to calm myself even on a shocking situation but not on life and death...

Mark said honey ( We were taglish but will translate it in full english ).

As far as I can remember this is the flow...

Mark said honey ( our term of endearment ), my sister is here in my room. I said Ohkay....I said why? Mark said honey, she is flirting on me. I said really? Mark said yeah! She is flirting on me. I think she likes me. I said since when? Mark said hmm It started coz I always call you, our mother is somehow angry coz I just got here and I have no money on my own and I'm always calling you that I'm still looking for a job. I said do you like it? How did she do it? Mark said I don't like it,so what am I gonna do? ( nakakaiyak naman ) I feel like crying... I said really? You don't like it. Lemme talk to her. She is your sister, why she will do that... I said how did she do it? Mark said she always go to my room and she is showing her panties to me like spreading her legs in-front of me...

I said honey can I talk to her? Mark said Yeah! Sure... I said call her. Give her the phone...

Then, Mark handed the phone to her younger sister,then I somehow scolded her but as far as I can remember I was still sane...I said why are you flirting on your older brother. Why,you are spreading your legs? Then, Mark's sister suddenly cried loudly as in a roar while saying why will I do that to him! He is my brother. I said I don't know he just told me....Then, Mark's sister cried out loud then dropped the phone.

As far as I can remember that was somehow the flow of our conversation...

On my X-Ryan,his sister and I somehow became friends....If they had have sex I don't feel any jealousy... Coz before we met,Ryan and I were already in hell... Then, the apple knowledge little by little awakened my eyes into different dimension...

I'm still double checking myself if I will feel jealous on the sister of my X-Ryan... She is a bit like me,almost same height...Hmm...She is having a different maturity as well,in a way she is matured on different version. I don't feel any jealousy on her... The last time we were together My X-Ryan was on his duty as a seman or seafearer... Then, this X-raw sister in law went back from Dubai going to Manila, I was still in Cebu Pacific Air that time... I was her only family considered as aside from her Uncle Don...So, I fetched her and we bonded for few days coz she got no one but me...

I just don't like any negative comment on me coming from her glade or bam2x ( my x-sister in law who became my friend in a way). That point I will slap her face... In a way she is having a negative character that she stole the perfumes but she gave it to me she was indirectly telling me that she likes me.I was happy receiving the Paris Hilton perfume but the thought of it was stolen from somewhere just to give it to me... Hahaha Funny Glade...Funny, girl Glade Denosta...

But now my jealousy is on my cousin-white, coz I want him to be on me first... That is my insane jealousy on my bf to be or bf...

Seriously, I will feel jealous and I feel jealous on my cousin-white on my Aunt Ten/Tin... I don't like any entanglement from anyone here or there without my knowledge... Even on my friends without me with him holding his hands... I feel jealous on our 2nd degree cousin's possible fruitcaking....

10:23 pm

Still, have windblow...

Not for a korean man but for my cousin-white now... I just like the rhythm and lyrics of this song.

I think I love you my cousin-white...

[but-a-humble-selfshipper]

Actually L.L. in Dialtown real so let me ramble about them (I'll eventually give them a proper design [working on it but y'all know I hate drawing clothes] and introduction post but I just need to ramble now ok? ok.)

For starters the main people they'd have relationships with: Randy, Mingus and Hobo

Maybe Norm too but I didn't think of them both together much aside from the normie solidarity angle

They didn't actually replace their head but at the same time they kiiiinda did because after a while the tv they put on themselves kinda started merging with their flesh

This can be removed but it's not as easy as popping it out. Well, it is, but know. Yeowch.

L.L. also goes by a different name here because when meeting their first person (idk who that'd be) they didn't understand if they were asked "what are you" or "who are you" so they tried to say TV and Luly at the same time and just blurted out Tuvy and then were too embarassed to correct it.

Hobo logically realized pretty fast that they're not one of the creatures he made but he was like Eh Whatever bc who give a shit

L.L. is actually homeless here because they're piss fucking poor (like Norm, all their money is useless since it has a human headed president) so they either sleep with Hobo or with Randy

Now for some character specific things:

Randy:

I can't tell yet if they're dating. Maybe a little?

They most definitely fucked though

The only thing that differentiates L.L. from Gingi is that they can keep their thoughts to themselves. But they also want to eat this guy. Probably for way hornier reasons than Gingi does though.

They're still very protective of him tho trying to make him grow a spine but ALSO feel comfortable and capable of trust.

They also want to teach him how to fight but that's more of a pipe dream

Hobo:

They definitely have something going on of some sort. Probably not sexual bc i think that man doesn't care about the horizontal mambo but they're something gay.

They also have a sort of... Solidarity as beings who don't exist on a single universe because of the problems this cause that helps them bond.

By this I mean L.L. went to cry to his dumpster when they first realized holy shit Peter is here and he's alive (but I can't do anything about it because he won't recognize me, he doesn't know who I am.)

Hobo understood their despair all too well and did their best to try comfort them. Also offered them booze so they both got kinda drunk together and he taught them the pros of fucking ignoring stuff 👍

Aside from that incident though they're just low-key lovebirds. TV4TV love. He's very chill and L.L. really enjoys hanging out with him.

Also they're both doggies.

He's just rlly attractive.

They also like genuinely care about him and hate when he gets all self deprecating.

Oh yeah also they cook him actual food which he LOVES ❤️

Mingus:

Romantic + sexual they're so fucking .

Falling for them was DEVASTATING for Mingus like a huge blow to her pride like The Mayor™ falling for this random loser guy⁉️

Yes.

They're so cute together though sometimes when Mingus purrs L.L.'s head starts vibrating or vice versa

Also L.L. has experience being a scratching pole so that's no issue.

Mingus is both possessive and detached. You're mine but also go for a hike I am very busy right now do whatever you want idc.

Mingus is also Way nicer to L.L. than she is to anyone else. Her morality pet if you will. They're her favorite y'know.

And just like the previous two L.L. really worries for her and does try to help but she's stubborn. Probably could get somewhere post chapter 3 though.

+

L.L. really likes Tango too

Def nothing more than platonic going on there though but they often see him when they are staying over with Mingus

First time they met L.L. was weird bc they're just weird but also bc they realized this was THE Everett Harry spoke about so it was a shocker but they were trying hard to be respectful

Another time they outright flirted with him bc they were experiencing POST nut psychosis and were still very loopy. He was very flattered AND flustered.

They're definitely restricted from dating though. Sad!