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[Start ID. A redraw of the official icons of the ten named slugcats from Rain World, arranged in two rows: Survivor, Monk, Hunter, Nightcat, and Gourmand in the first, Artificer, Rivulet, Spearmaster, Saint and Enot/Inv in the second. Each is drawn in roughly the same pose as in the original art and fitted with speculative interpretations of their biology, and the second image is a “dead” version of this. For example, all ten have slug-like rhinophores in place of ears, cuttlefish-like colorful eyes with strangely-shaped pupils, cephalopod-like beak "teeth", expressive barbels or oral tentacles at the corners of mouths, spiny radulas, and the frilly mantle fringes of sea slugs, though otherwise their faces are squishy, simple and mammalian-shaped.
Cream-colored Survivor and yellow Monk both share triangular, bicolored spots matching their eyes (which are tan and brown, and two shades of blue, respectively), small, bumpy fringes, and relatively neutral looks on their faces. Defensive-looking Hunter is mostly a dull orange-pink, though their blobby fringe is a more violent red and their back is purple and marred with lumps. Nightcat is navy blue and flecked with dots of yellow and teal, their rolled rhinophores are a lighter blue, and their shading fractures into stars in some places. Gourmand is almost uniformly tan, their wide, very ruffly white mantle fringe bordered by a spray of white spots, and their beak sticks out from either corner of their smile. Primarily red Artificer, snarling, has yellow markings of multiple sorts, a prominent yellow dewlap and their characteristic dark scar taking out a chunk of its face. Rivulet is a darker blue than usual, with long barbels, red gills and rings, countershading, and a cheerful expression, sticking out their radula. Spearmaster is purple with orange accents, eyes and spots, a large fringe and spines down their back. Saint’s green caryophyllidia are marked by small, yellow diamonds, and their long, thin radula extends far below them. Enot is decorated with mottled red stripes, blue patches, yellow stars, and an uneven and almost cartoonish imitation of blush, though generally the same deep blue as Nightcat, a passive or almost slightly smug look on their face and their rolled rhinophores out to either side.
In the second image, nine of the slugcats’ eyes are crossed out, indicating that these are death icons. They look fairly the same, with mostly expression differences. Survivor is caught in the beginning of a threat display, a karma flower sprouts from Monk’s side, Hunter is burdened with overgrowing, purple and blue rot, Nightcat’s rhinophores are pinned back, and Gourmand looks mildly disheartened. For the final row, Artificer bites its radula between small plumes of smoke, Rivulet drops their expression, Spearmaster looks very startled, Saint looks almost entirely the same besides half-open eyes and their markings greater in number, and Enot grins confusedly. End ID]
If you'll excuse the unusually lengthy ID: the arena meme introduced by @pansear-doodles at long last after a nearly year-long wip status (or, rather, finished a month ago today to honor my own first time playing it!)
Design notes and shout-outs under cut! :]
The following people are some of those who’ve inspired my designs most since I started this eight months ago (or just inspired me to get a little weirder with slugcat biology), among many others for sure, and I thank them for it–but this is simply to bring attention to artists I find cool, and in no way an obligation to interact or anything :]
> @saturncoyote , @carpsoup , @charseraph , @gallusgalluss , @bitsbug , @dopscratch , and @0hmanit (and a special mention to dddeerbo and hunterlonglegs, who’ve since deactivated)!
Survivor: Surprisingly the hardest to pin down the colors for, since nothing with its sibling's palette seemed to match up right (I did have to add in a little blue somewhere for Monk, the beginning of making it clear how much I’m simply going based off of vibes for the colors of scug innards). I consider them, Monk and Gourmand to be part of the same gene pool of slugcats, and even possibly the same colony even if the latter isn't really related, so took a bit of Gourmand's coloring and fit them in with their inspiration: Goniobranchus verrieri. They serve as a bit of an introduction to my ideas of scug traits (i find it really fun how many people have thought to add so many silly sluglike fixtures of biology completely independent of me, buuut here I’m mostly talking about species variation), and like in-game they’re pretty average! They, Monk and Hunter have a couple scars sourced from a piece of Joar's concept art that I'm failing to find, those across the bridge of the nose, under the eyes, and across the rhinophores, respectively, and my Survivor interpretation features many on the back of the neck, as a result of survived lizard bites.
Monk: Their coloring is primarily based off the fact that I associate them with blue fruits, honestly, a bit because I was compelled to establish a familiarity with Rivulet, and lastly inspired by the spots of Goniobranchus kuniei (and geminus, less important to me as one of my characters is a kuniei instead, but more fitting). Between the yellow + blue and the circular marking in the center of their face, they’re meant to bear a little resemblance to an iterator that shares similarities with the characterization I’ve given them, and similar coding of her sibling can be seen on Survivor’s markings around the eyes. As both a “default” slugcat and one whose campaign I haven’t played, though, I can’t say I have much more to point out about em.
Hunter: The whole rot thing made for a really fun time drawing them, and while the color change on their back is a result of this, it’s also an excuse to relate them to Babakina festiva, arguably my favorite sea slug (mostly for sentimental purposes). And to Spearmaster, a fellow messenger slugcat, and it serves as a gradient between Hunter’s pink and the “traditional” color of Rot seen in the DLLs. Aside from their affliction, they’d actually be the plainest in terms of design, as they don’t have any patterns or quirks of body type, just the red + purple and strange lumps + possible malnutrition. I can’t remember if NSH had created them in particular or just...caught + released or something, but it probably wouldn’t be strange for a lab-grown slugcat to be simple like that.
Gourmand: Like the two above, they’re rather plain in terms of coloring and adaptation, and like the two above, I find that fun. I decided it would be nice to avert the “all slugcats being of the same body type, and Gourmand’s out of place as the exception” thing by just...adding more fat to all of them, really. I did want to emphasize their sheer bulk even so, both fat and muscular (not like I couldn’t have still gone further with it, of course, but slugcat anatomy can be a little obfuscating sometimes, and they were intended to look rather plush considering personal size headcanons and therefore the lack of proper gravity), and the thick and flounced mantle looked like a good addition, as per their sea slug Glossodoris hikuerensis. Unlike Survivor and Monk, I didn’t attempt to hold their resemblance to any particular other character (which means a little less to balance out the “default gene pool” thing), so those are all the design notes I have for em.
Artificer: The second slugcat I’ve ever played, or finished the campaign of, my favorite for at least a long time, and the first thing I did was give them yellow accents, the shape of which have troubled me slightly (not quite like the spots or stripes of the others). They’re both a little more appealing and more explosive-looking to me, and considering how early on I played Arti, actually present in some of my older art. It does give them a little resemblance to Saint (completely intentional, two slugcats with strange relations to karma), as well as the fact that its radula is green for familiarity with one of its children (at some point it was going to have all-green markings, even!). I’m generous with their scars, partly because it was fun to overemphasize the one on their face and partly because it does seem like a reckless slugcat, on top of the dangers of its explosive abilities–I’ll probably just keep adding more forever. Mostly-red sea slugs aren’t too common, but Hexabranchus sanguineus works for sure. The ridged, yellow dewlap can expand for combustion purposes, or something along those lines. Arti’s where I began experimenting with a lot of the mildly-offkilter features seen in my interpretation of slugcats, as they’ve once again been a favorite from the start.
Rivulet: I've obviously given other slugcats spots, deeply enjoy the bubbly-soda markings of other peoples' slugcats, and thought seal riv would be cute. Despite not too closely resembling it, they've been government-assigned Hypselodoris bennetti, for color reasons and for a couple sentimental ones. Originally, the colors of every scug were meant to match up with the custom colors I gave them at the beginning of their campaigns, (though Arti, Gourm and Spearmy are the only three who actually apply here, since I've only played through half the slugcats: I gave arti the yellow as mentioned above, gourm brown eyes and spearmy light pink spears, furthered by the outskirts pearl accompanying me and that palette all the way to moon. Tolerance training for eternity in hell cause I already knew about the maroon pearl quest). I initially gave them the colors of the bi flag for fun... but with the limited palette of this image, I was left without pink for a while and decided to see how they'd look in red. I then realized how they now wonderfully matched Moon, and besides, red's a sort of camouflage in deep water! As a side-note, the difference between their eyes and those of others always bothered me a little for anatomical purposes, and the cephalopod eyes were probably influenced by this!
Spearmaster: Inspired as much as possible by @notyourfunnyman ’s wonderful spearmy: designed in a way that helps it fit in with scavengers, at least between the long sensory tentacles, big ruff, back spines and slightly thin/distended anatomy, a form of defensive mimicry. I always had annulate rhinophores in mind, for a little diversity sure, but mostly because the shape reminds me of radio antennae and communication towers (seems fitting for the comms array and being a messenger slugcat)! I started searching for a real-life slug to give them just by looking up their rhinophore shape...and was met immediately and coincidentally with annulate-topped nudibranchs that fit them more perfectly than I could've imagined: Flabellina and surrounding clades, I think Paraflabellina ischitana works very nicely. The orange was completely unplanned, but there wasn’t a place for light pink among the other slugcats’ palettes, and importantly it likens them to both Hunter and Seven Red Suns a little more.
Saint: I am very much a non-furred slugcat enjoyer, with respect to those who aren’t, so figuring out the only visibly furred slugcat was an interesting challenge. I’ve decided that they likely have other, milder adaptations for help in the cold, mainly just more efficient fat storage, and what looks vaguely like fur is instead a bunch of tubercles (called caryophillia, for the second reminder out of three). Their inspiration doesn’t have these, however, Miamira sinuata’s numerous yellow and blue spots (not to mention...whatever’s going on with that shape) and general effect of being the only really green nudibranch I could find were probably perfect for a strange green echo. Not pictured, but their beak-teeth are tiny and flat to make a surface for grinding soft food against with the lack of a functioning radula, which is tipped with a specialized spiny “grapple-hook” for better traction/grip (not to mention the numerous little teeth running down the whole thing).
(Best part of hiding this under a readmore means edits will be seen by all reblogs, I'm mostly sure, because I completely forgot to mention! The spots on their forehead are simple eyes. Their camera eyes appear closed in-game, I like to believe their complex eyesight is rather poor anyways or otherwise reason that they aren't seeing out of those, and while this was far from her REASON for attunement with the world, it does help compensate for mainly viewing it through a canvas of simple light and dark. This, and the fact that their swapped-out "fur" is not only to commit to a lack of hairs but contributes to sensory input!)
Nightcat/Enot: I guess you could say I found the “these two are technically the same person” compelling. (E.g. similar colors, both very strange and enigmatic, and Enot/Inv/Sofanthiel’s remark during the dating sim about getting removed from Arena Mode.) I doubt they’re the only two slugcats in their body, considering humans with DID tend to have more than a few (and I find it very funny that a slugcat bearing resemblance to Nightcat appears in Gourmand’s ending. They’re allowed in the colony and Enot isn’t </3), and I have to credit @faelingdraws ’s art for being what convinced me on it! Their design inspirations come down to trying to balance a few different ideas: making the patterns and palettes of both look oddly similar (special mention to the stars, since those are fun to draw), basing them off of Felimare sechurana and juliae respectively, using blocks of color with the same placement as in Enot’s official art, and specifically making Enot look...biologically reasonable and imperfect, whilst also clearly trying to imitate human displays of emotion (what with...the eyes and blush on that one piece of official art).
Lastly, here’s just a lineup with notes on body shape and size. Most of the nicknames (existing to give a little more space, that’s all) are obvious, and while I can’t remember why I shortened Nightcat to Nox, it is in honor of my friend by the same nickname :]
#survivor rain world#monk rain world#hunter rain world#nightcat rain world#gourmand rain world#artificer rain world#rivulet rain world#spearmaster rain world#saint rain world#enot rain world#slugcat rain world#rain world#peridots-art#< feels like too long since that last tag's been used. i can say with certainty that the majority of the reason i haven't been just as#active here (not to mention not drawing as often since that's relevant) is just due to my life getting busier with a new school year but i#do miss putting my stuff here! and would like to reblog more on top of that.... so forgive not remembering exactly how to tag everything#(and how to write everything up there but to be fair it's not like long textposts were a staple of mine. i mostly just rambled and it was#fun hehehe.....some of those notes (parts of riv/spears mostly) were written around the beginning of the drawing itself)#OH i messed something up with the drafting and really did not mean to post it while tags were in progress! but regardless. i would've liked#to post it tomorrow to mirror how i was going to post it on JAN 29 a month ago......but it's not like i'm unhappy with this outcome :]#to sum it up really though it's been strange working on this for so long.....unfortunate to not get a chance to let it be seen and keep#experimenting with odd biology much earlier but i'm just glad it's out now cause i am proud of these!! it's been a lot of fun and slugcats#are still my go-to doodles :] if i had to end this off promptly though what's up with that secret pipeyard shelter as gourm that's not on#the maps. connected to vs_a04. doesn't appear on the miraheze or interactive maps for anyone strangely but i've only been there as gourmand#anyway! i'm sure there's a lot i could've said in the rush but goodbye dear reader anyway :]#i forgot spearmy initially. i'm so sorry
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I forgot to post this haha (that's what being too busy with animation brings you oops) but anyway!! Older gussiri designs bc I think they deserved that (they did have designs in my mind but I had never made a reference for them haha)
Plus some notes on what they're up to at that age! They're so silly <333
#forgot to put this in the notes but their baby girl sunniva would be abouuuut 9 years old#no-one knows how they managed to stay together this long#siri's become the head midwife (which isn't that impressive cuz she's one of the few midwives) but she's very proud of it#she also makes a lot of their family's clothes by hand and puts little lavender pouches in everyone's beds for a good smell#gustav lost an arm in some kind of freak accident (probably that's still up for debate cuz I'm going back and forth on that detail)#(even tho it isn't exactly a detail it's like. bigger than a detail LMAO)#he's a blacksmith (surprisingly) and his workplace is a complete mess#siri brings him lunch in exchange for kisses#their daughter absolutely hates them being affectionate#sunni is often playing with trinkets at the smithery#i wanted to add a little sunni design here too but i don't have a lot of time to draw these days smh#anyways#httyd#how to train your dragon#oc#artinandwritin's art#siri vínteri#gustav larson#character designs#oc x canon#gussiri
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*skitters up to you on all fours with a bunch of drawings in my mouth* *drops them at your feet* *skitters away*
enjoy some schizophrenia / psychosis / mental health-based humor.
#had an exchange with someone very important to me that helped me work up the moxie necessary to get over my anxiety and post some of these#(you know who you are and i know you're reading this. ilusm and thank you for being in my life)#I'll schedule this post for later in the day. 100% I'm going to forget about doing that and be confused when I start getting notes for it#anyhoo#I wonder if I can rescue the mental health + journal comics I posted to Instagram and repost them here...#I mention my mental health journey fairly often on here but I feel I should clarify:#IF YOU HAVE QUESTIONS ABOUT SCHIZOPHRENIA / PSYCHOSIS / WHATEVER--- GO FOR IT! ASK ME THEM!#I won't be offended by genuine questions even if they're phrased a bit awkwardly or use language that might be less than perfect!#If you want to learn about stuff I will gladly describe my experience to the best of my ability! I don't mind whatsoever :>#not sure if that needed to be said or not but I figured I should say it just in case since I'm making a big ol' post that cracks jokes#I'm significantly removed from actively hallucinating and have made leaps and bounds in my emotional health so I'm in a great place now#mental health#mental health comic#mental illness#mental health humor#psychosis#schizophrenia#psychosis memes#schizophrenia art#humor#diary comic#diary comics#journal comic#journal comics#stuff by sofie
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Do you mind if people write fics inspired by your art? Like goosamu or the tinies?
I have the same philosophy towards the sharing of ideas in fandom spaces no matter the medium or craft, which is yes!! go!! and it's so much nicer when you cite your source or inspiration. It's like a nod. A handshake. We are playing with the same dolls and I liked your idea enough I want to play with it too. I love having friends to play in the sandbox with. Makes me happy to see them enjoying it :D (so if you post something please think of me. tag me. send it to me. please.)
#also when i like something and there's a note that says (more here) I'm always :D!!!#which is why you'll often see me link my AUs and other related stuff in my posts#because i go in assuming someone will see one part but not know there is more and if that was me i'd like to see the rest#also because i juggle too many different concepts at the same time and can go months between new entries skjfhsdkjfh#ask answered#not art#the tiny skk have unlocked something i think. the power of tinyfying your faves. (and turning them into birds also)
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I've seen several people on my dash lately apologizing for excitedly talking/yelling/yapping(whatever word you wanna use for it) and flailing at the collective community about their chosen chaos child(because let's be honest, muses are chaos children) and look, I get it. I do, a lot of us are extra squishy and awkward, myself included, and don't want to feel like they're bothering anyone with it.
So I just wanna say, if I'm following you? I'm here for the whole package. Not just the threads, not just the character, I'm here for the passionate "guys no listen" moments too. You have a thirteen paragraph deep dive about this one tiny detail? I'm reading it. Several short posts about you just kicking your feet over a character, canon or not? I wanna sit next to you and share snacks and hear about it. You suddenly had a thought and want to throw it into the void talking about it? I'm on the other side listening because hell yeah that's cool.
We aren't here doing this fun little hobby if we weren't deeply attached to these characters and emotional about them already. Of course we all want to be excited about them, or the interactions we have, the hypotheticals and world building, or verse building, the whole deal. That's what part of the fun is. So if you are one of those people who worry about filling up the dash with various forms of energetic chatter, I want you to know that it is never going to bother me. I love seeing how different people get excited and passionate about their chaos children, and I know I'm not the only one. I'M the one thinking I'll annoy you by liking all the posts. If I have liked any post from you yelling about your muse, assume you can basically burst through my door, full of emotions at 3am, needing someone to talk to about it. Because you can.
And if I haven't liked one yet? It's not because I like you less, or don't care, or am annoyed. Ever. It's 1000% because I'm in my own nervous little hovel not sure if we've written enough for it to not be weird that I'm standing here clapping and cheering you on about this fun little sandbox we all like playing in so much.
#((stray chat))#blog note#((I feel like this doesn't get said often enough but OF COURSE we get excited about our muses))#((that shouldn't ever be looked down on and no one should ever be told to quiet down about it))#((I'm going to hand you a loud speaker and tell you to keep going))#((BE EXCITED AND PASSIONATE THAT'S WHY WE ARE HERE))
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tagged by the tastemaker @cordiallyfuturedwight for the january receipts and would you believe it i'm actually on time
tagging a few favs: @aprylynn @jiminsproof @thvinyl @jimin-gaon @visionsofgideontheninth @btscontentenjoyer @kimchokejin @jihopesjoint @eoieopda @monismochi <333 and you too if you fancy it
#full report in the tags once again:#ladies room - bop of the century. olivia dean i will do anything for you#freak me now - bop of the century. jessie ware i will do anything for you#charm you - bop of the c-- sorry. best album that 2023 managed to gatekeep from me#when did your heart go missing - what can i say? i've been going through a michael moscovitz resurgence...#mia thermopolis (disney's version) how could you let him GO#i can't go for that - every so often hall & oates take a hold of me and there's simply nothing i can do about it. this is one of those times#pomo remix ended up on the groovy chick playlist. call me when they make a movie about HER!!#homesick - two of my favourite boys doing some absolutely devastating work on my mental health#but you can't deny it's a banger for the sax alone.#love at first sight - no notes. magnificent.#shame shame shame - i am not immune to the Pride (2014) soundtrack and nor should you be!! also. it's going on the groovy chick playlist#can't fight the moonlight - leann rimes? uh yeah i sure hope she does#i feel you - still here. expect i will be for a while longer#as for the artist list - nothing particularly new except T-PAIN WITH THE STEEL CHAIR OF A COVER ALBUM#please god go listen to it if you haven't already!! genuinely biblical experience from the guy who brought us “i'm sprung”#thus concludes the month#tag#receiptify#MWAH#i need a lie down
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WIFE (One Shot for Regal)
The stars were out, and she could finally rest.
Magdalena let out a breath as she clicked the door shut, closing her eyes in relief. She did not foresee that the celebrations would last all day, but once her people found out about the marriage, many who were close by traveled to the castle. Not only did Volais gain an Emperor, but a peace without limits and the benefits that come with it. Trade will be bountiful, magic can finally find its way back into the lands, and war… War will slumber once more.
“Magdalena?” A gravely voice interrupts her thoughts, making her skin prickle at the sound of her name.
Right. These are not solely my chambers anymore.
Turning her body around to lean against the door, Magdalena spots the culprit sitting in soapy waters with a tired smile on his face.
“Who said that you could use my bath, your majesty?”
“My own conscious, once I realized that you had not escaped nearly as quickly as I did. You would not want your new husband to reek of politicians, would you?”
The empress quirks a brow, only for it to immediately lower in response to her eyes finding his bare… everything. With burning cheeks, she grasps her hands in front of her middle and makes a beeline for the vanity. She was exhausted when she entered the room, but now her heart cannot seem to stop hammering her ribcage.
It is just Luca. This is not your nightmares. He will be kind.
With shaky hands, Magdalena starts to take off her jewelry. She is almost regretful that she dismissed her handmaids, even if it is supposed to be her wedding night. This will take her an eternity.
The sounds of splashing water fill the room as her husband leaves his bath, causing her throat to tighten. He dresses painfully slow, the anticipation rising in Magdalena’s stomach until she cannot take it anymore and drops an earring.
Suddenly there is a hand to her left, offering her the pearl. When she looks back to the mirror, she finds Luca’s handsome face wearing a caring expression. “Need assistance?”
“…If you do not mind.”
“I will never mind,” he mutters, smiling as he starts to unclasp her necklace. “It gives me an excuse to be close to you, after all.”
Her whole body seems to retract into itself as his fingers brush the nape of her neck. Goosebumps form on her skin.
“We do not have to do anything tonight. In fact, I am fully prepared to not do anything for quite a long time,” Luca reassures his wife, placing a gentle kiss on her hair before moving away.
What? Magdalena asks herself. He… does not want to? She was surprisingly disappointed, regardless of her previous anxiety.
“Are you certain?”
Her husband chuckles, crossing his legs in the arm chair he found himself in. “Yes…? I thought you did not wish for us to advance so quickly.”
She purses her lips, turning away from the mirror so that she can look at her husband face-on. “I-It is not that I did not wish for us to advance… but it is expected of us. I am expected to bear a child now that I am married.”
Luca stares at Magdalena with his mouth slightly ajar, brows furrowing as if he is trying to decipher a code written on her face. “Surely you do not believe that we always have to do what is expected of us, Magdalena. Especially when it concerns our private affairs.” He stands slowly, his tunic shifting to reveal a chest his new wife is trying her hardest not to focus on. “Especially when we have already determined that this marriage was for us and not for them.”
“I understand, but—“
“No, you apparently do not,” Luca cuts her off, walking towards her with waves of concern radiating off of him. Taking both hands in his, he says, “We had our first kiss yesterday, Magdalena. And your nerves were unhinged the moment you saw me bathing. Did you think I would not notice?”
The empress gulps. She is unused to someone knowing her this well. Even her sister is not this good at picking her apart.
“I may be bold, but I am not that bold to assume you would want to lay with me after one day of being mine,” he jokes, a wet curl falling onto his forehead. “I will even sleep in my old room if you are not ready for my hairy legs in your bed.”
A laugh bubbles out of Magdalena, the tension releasing from her body as suddenly as it appeared. He is the only one that has gotten her to relax so easily in years, and she is sure that no one else will ever be able to achieve the same feat.
A few nights later, after days full of meeting with important people and drawing up official documents, after constant moments of catching the other staring across the room, after a vulnerable minute in the stairwell when they finally got alone and kissed like they had been deprived of air… Magdalena no longer had any fears left.
That is why Luca retired that night to find his new wife, clad in her nightgown, standing by their bed with a certain glint in her eye.
“Was my Empress waiting for me all this time?”
“No,” she said quietly. “Your wife was.”
#here's the one shot i promised!!!!!!!!#i think this should go under the story tag soooo#regal#ts4 story#one shot#TOTALLY sfw don't you worry#i'm not joking btw that may have sounded like sarcasm but i promise lol no spicy time here#i wrote this....................... years ago??? YEARS ago????????#kind of crazy#in light of the fact we just saw maggie and luca have their babies a few years after they married#i felt it was important to note how our empress got over her fears of having to do the deed and bear an heir#(for those who are new... she was well aware how painful and often fatal birth can be.#she was afraid she would die while giving birth to a child from an arranged and loveless marriage as most people saw her only as a means#to get an heir for Volais. but she got to marry for love and in this one shot she realizes that Luca would never use her much less hurt her
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Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy
You have... very very very very very very very very smart people you know, and they're say something that not only isn't true, but literally is as opposite of the truth as it's possible to be... and you'll... gently inform them "hey, it's actually a bit more like this" and then they just kinda... go on saying literally the exact same thing
I'm not sure if it's just that... I often feel like I must be very bad at communicating, or people must just not notice/ignore a lot of what I say, but... I don't know
Like dearest friend, you've said something as absurd as... I don't know, it's hard to say without saying it, but honest to god about as absurd as saying the United States was a part of the USSR, that level of completely getting it backwards
...and it just doesn't seem to matter when I try to explain it... I legit don't even know if you read what I said
Really end up feeling like I'm going nuts sometimes
#to be clear; I don't mind people disagreeing with me (though that's not what's happened here... I don't think I came into it at all)#but all I need in order to be able to work with disagreement is just... knowing you at least heard and understood me#like if it's 'I get that you think that vanilla is a good flavor of icecream; but I really prefer chocolate'... ok; this works for me#it's that... a lot of the time it honest feels more like 'what are you talking about? vanilla isn't a flavor' where... huh?#let's take a real example; not everyone needs to agree with me on nuclear#but like... someone saying 'I get that it's way safer these days; but I still worry about waste storage'... well ok then#but if it's just like 'but it's dangerous and will explode' even after I've explained about the designs now#where there's a salt plug that with melt and drain before anything can happen; and these materials don't like to run away#...and it's not like they're asking me to back up the source; it's like I never said anything at all...#what am I supposed to do here? you feel me on that? do you start to get why I feel like I'm going crazy when that's how it often feels?#no one is obliged to agree with me but... literally just active listening would fix this... say you heard me and we're good#acknowledge that I voiced something and it's been noted#honestly... honestly my who life it's felt like I must somehow actually be invisible#...to an extent maybe I'm a figment of my own imagination; I might well be a ghost that's lonely and makes you all up#...for all the impact my actions have#or maybe literally everything I say just comes out garbled... is that it?#this post is about something very specific; but it's also about something that happens a lot with a lot of different people#on a broader scale; why is it no one else seems to be able to connect the dots#and these aren't like... conspiracy theory dots; these are like russia buys drones from Iran; therefore russia and Iran are partners#that's the kind of dots I'm talking about connecting; please tell me that's not a conspiracy theory to you... it seems plain to me#I don't know... I really don't... I don't think much I say will ever have any impact anywhere on anyone#...honestly a good 90% of the time people don't even respond to what I say#not like my posts here; I mean direct in dms or whatever; I'll say stuff and it's just silence or a new subject#again; across multiple people; it's common... it's... I think it happens more often than it doesn't#I can instantly name 4 conversations with 4 different people that's happened with lately#and that's not counting the 3 where I know the reason why it's happened#I really am something unfit to live; the evidence is endless#mm tag so i can find things later
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Ya know. I spent most of my life with horrible painful soul-crushing social anxiety.
And after about 25 years of continuous hard work, suddenly, people started pointing out - to my utter bafflement - that I had, in fact, achieved my lifelong dream of being charismatic. I'm 29 now; I feel comfortable in most social situations, and it is a very rare person whom I cannot make laugh.
I am, undoubtedly, finally, charismatic.
But do you know what I found?
I found that now that I have an understanding of which social rules serve which functions -- Now that I have an understanding of just how much damage my awkwardness was doing to people, well,
I found that, actually, my awkwardness never really hurt anyone at all. People were just judgmental dicks to me about it.
Now that I have the skill-level to (most of the time) creatively vocalize what is in my head as soon as I think it and without fear, I can confirm once and for all what I had always suspected:
I was worth talking to when I was quiet.
I was worth talking to when I was awkward, and when the words in my head took time and patience to hear, and when most of my jokes didn't land. I was worth talking to the whole time.
So I just... I hope that if you've ever wondered whether you are worth communicating with, the answer is yes. Absolutely yes. Each of us has a soul worth sharing - and if you and I were talking, I would happily wait for you to speak (or communicate in other ways) without condescending, and I would never shame you for that harmless awkwardness that so many people feel the need to violently stomp out.
You are worth talking to. You just are. And you deserve people who will speak to you with kindness, with patience, and with the basic immutable respect owed to all people.
(I talk about this with some frequency, both on tumblr and in real life. At some point, maybe I'll gather all my thoughts on the matter into one post. At some point, I wrote about my personal experience trying to build my social skill. But I felt the need to say at least a little bit tonight after seeing this other lovely post, and I'm glad I did. It will happen again.)
#original#social anxiety#autism#that one post#actually autistic#self-diagnosis is valid - in case that last tag implies otherwise to anyone. i think it just denotes i am an autistic and not just an ally.#social skills#socially awkward#socially anxious#autistic positivity#autism positivity#like actually genuinely who does it hurt if i tell a joke that doesn't land? esp if the joke is not about another person#this is not a live comedy show this is life ya gotta learn to say 'ah well they can't all be golden!'#which btw is a line i use when my own jokes don't land and it usually plays pretty well actually. i've got a higher hit rate but#genuinely they just can't all be good! anyway i go into that in the post linked at the end there i think#people can tell when you're not sure of yourself socially and a lot of folks instinctively use that against you. and i am here to say that#it's fucked up that they are doing that and they need to step off actually. imagine getting to decide on which social cues are#acceptable and then using that power to be unkind. fuckin gross. i regret so deeply each time in my life i have made that choice.#being a kid who is abused like that so often it was eager to power trip when i met kids more awkward than myself. but it was wrong#and i regret it. and i am proud to say i haven't done that in a long time and instead when i find myself with that power i try to say#actually what do YOU want? to the people shyer than me.#i'm pretty rad now is what i'm saying lol#like all the ways that having a good social stat has improved my life just made me realize what bullshit it is that this was necessary#doing what I did is not desirable or possible for everyone. they deserve just as much out of life as i do.#side note: i think I've actually surpassed a lot of neurotypicals who had never even had to think about social rules 🤣.#like I feel no competition with other people who have struggled socially but now that I'm more charming than people who were dicks to me#I do feel like fuck you!! I win!!!! I can finally see enough of the full picture to say that your arbitrary rules were FUCKING ARBITRARY#I'm also aware of the fact that not everyone finds me charismatic but i am. in all the ways that matter to me. and I'm still growing!#note to future jack: you did save these posts in your notes app on the day this was written.#tbh i am often still awkward i am just not sorry anymore if i'm not hurting ppl. 'confident and awkward' really throws 'em for a loop! XD
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God do I wish we weren't scared to exist as a system without judgement. Hi .
#toast notes#from sophie#Might be passive influence idk we need to go to bed ;;#I think more than anything we just want to be believed . And to know every move we make isn't being psychoanalyzed and picked apart#I don't want to have a label put on me or have to act super different from Nemo I just want to EXIST#I don't want to mask I don't want to interrupt conversations#I think I'm starting to become another host which is. Scary. Really really scary.#I don't mean to be super venty or sad I'm not usually like this just!!! Ugghhhhh can I not feel like a person for one second#(none of this is directed at anyone including the other guys in here btw!)#I'd love some reassurance. but I don't know how much good that will do for us#Whateveeeerrr I might delete this later I'm going back to getting ready for bed and thinking about the silly spire#Oh my god I just realized I worded something in here sooo badly if you think something in here sounds weird please ignore it#Brain fog mixed with autism scripts do NOT mix well. We use these wrong so often lol sorry
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FASCINATING.
1. Did I even reblog anything?
2. Want citations for what ways specifically which trans men are awful
3. Marginalized people need to earn support and community? Really? Not a valid or addressable point.
Imagine if this said trans women instead of men. Do me a favor and read it that way real quick and let's take notice of how that might change how one feels about these sentences.
#da#secret extra points. 4. You're so correct! no trans woman has ever done anything awful not once ever!#5. I don't think I reblogged anything. I'll look but I'm p sure this person was in my likes and fyi I do not endorse everything in my likes#I use them to save stuff more than anything. I'm often looking at a discussion in the notes#I don't even wanna give this the time of day#if a whole bunch of evil trans men are out there doing hatecrimes to trans women ig I'll retract it but like#what trans men. what are they doing.#also if this is about the bunch of posts I think it is I did like them so I could find out wtf the context was bc I didn't like the tone#liking isn't a an endorsement. you have to go out of your way to see my likes. the things I believe and value I reblog or post.#edit addendum: when did I blame trans women for what?#the only thing I posted was hating that all binary trans people are currently engaging in gender wars#I'm just so confused on what anon is trying to address here
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Finals are nigh I am thinking about the Solomon a Gaenor fic again time is a circle
#honestly it's because when i was first thinking about it in december i made the most banger playlist for it#and i have been listening to that again as Comforting Background Music and hence thinking about it#i should write down the names of their five children in the doc before i actually forget them#i don't think i'm going to write it but it is a good excuse to push me to think about welsh and wales more often#and who knows. i think it would make a great messy soap opera 100k word unfinished fic on ye olde ao3#perce rambles#also on a different note i reread what i have of the stephen doing top surgery on hornblower fic and i'm upset at how good it is#why do they all sound in character why does it actually have a functional plot who wrote this#now i need to insert The Navy's Most Intense Game Of Piquet: Trans Feelings Edition™ and also several more scenes but aaaaaa#very very excited for when that sees the light of day (probably won't be for like another year lol. there's a reason why it's cohesive)#anyways here's your silly fic update. also doing the stephen/jack famous flower of serving men but that one's cooking slowly too. we'll see
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There will be no joy!
Android reader who is constantly reminded that he's not human
Android reader having a particularly bad day and tearing into his "flesh" in a state of instability
it hurts but only for a second, his nerves are only synthetic skin deep and it only further drives in the truth that he's not human
The liquid that flows in his body isn't blood
It's not red but a mixture of cobalt blue and glowing azure
He's then reminded that his body isn't really a body
It's a machine
Stone brain thinks with chemical markers and hormones
He software runs on code
He can't even cry as an emotional reaction
He can only cry when there is something clouding his vision
So he screams
Quick question anon, are you okay?
Also another question, no judgement here, are you the anon who sent an ask weeks ago about Vampire King!Reader crying over the fact that he'd one day outlive Kali and Stone?
#tyler's asks#tyler's inbox#tyler answers asks#answering asks#asks#I know angst is like a popular thing in fanficition & people love it#but I don't do angst very often#and like this ask & the vampire king!reader ask gives me vibes that make me uncomfy#like the vampire king!reader ask was literally like “Aww so cute that you and anon are doing cute vampire asks”#and then the ask proceeded to be rather detailed with the angst#and so quick note to anyone: if you're going to request angst please don't be so detailed about the emotions you want to be conveyed#like I can't deal with such detailed angst#not unless I'm the one writing it#just a little PSA I guess#not here to really judge people with this#:)
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still not over the end of Barry
#did anyone notice perhaps#i don't know what to do with my life#this shit is hitting harder than i thought it would#and i don't even know what to do about it#generally i'd write fanfiction but i don't have ships here#and i have no notes#i don't want the story to go in another direction#and the original is just perfect as it is#no need to add or change anything#but it also breaks my heart genuinely#fundamentally Barry Berkman is a flawed man who had so much potential to be a good person#and in multiple instances he showed he was always capable of actual love for another human being#hell the bit where he gets Sally after she killed that guy#and told her 'you didn't do this i did - say barry berkman did this' even though he didn't#because the reasoning is 'i'm already broken and a goner & i don't want you to become like me'#what is that if not selfless love#barry hbo#and in many ways i really relate to the feeling of being fundamentally broken#i'm not a murderer but i've felt broken and completely alone so often - matter of fact that's how i live my life#so i can't help it - i'll never resist empathizing with a broken soul#when the world's kicked the shit out of you enough you get it
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In case it was ever a question
#💟#Doodles#Lol#Yes I do in fact still think about Vargas every single day#I'd tell you when that changes but that would still be a Vargas thought wouldn't it lol ♪ So for now situation normal! Nothing to report!#Haha ♫#It's not always to this level or even this consistent but it does average multiple times a day and especially around sleep#The dreams have mostly completely tapered off but they're a common comfort/come-down from the day :) Reliable thought pattern#And even tho I'm not posting them for the most part outside of sketchdumps/the occasional video/fanfic/etc. etc.#I can tell you they still grab every sixth or so scratch page lol - and that's not counting their hefty backlog!#Plus I don't always doodle my ideas a lot of them go into my notes#Honestly considering a part two of an incorrect quotes post quite a few have built up and even I've forgotten some of them haha#They're silly ♪#Oh yeah and you'll notice a near-matching uptick in WOY (Wander Over Yonder) :3c Haha wonder what that's about hahaha#And SCII to a similar degree but I don't have anything cheeky to say about that (right now) lol#Also completely off Vargas-topic I think it's really funny how often I forget my bracelet#Obviously didn't here! Got all 'em colours - which is honestly probably /why/ I forget that's a lot of tools for one small detail#But like - I never forget my glasses they are very much ''part of my body'' but I quite often forget my bracelet even tho I wear it way more#I take off my glasses to sleep and shower and the like but my bracelet follows me everywhere! How is it not part of my body just as much!#I guess I have been wearing glasses for longer overall but sequentially! Y'know! Haha
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genuinely truly wholeheartedly cannot fathom people who go running before work. what do you mean you don’t get out of bed 10-15 minutes before you need to be fully dressed, breakfasted, equipped, and out the door? why would you voluntarily wake up SEVERAL hours early and go get sweaty in the dark and cold and then have a shower in the MORNING only to go to work all day?? incomprehensible.
#context: my housemate and I went for a run/walk this evening and we remarked on how nice it was and how we should do it more often#but realistically the only way we'd be able to do it during the weekdays is before work#which like. lmao.#I'm sorry but your insomnia and my insomnia do not line up enough for this#the only person who comes to mind that I actually know does this is my high school ap chem teacher#but she also got her phd at 25 so she doesn't count#I do like running in the mornings the few times I've done it!#but the only way we'd be able to get it done before work here is well before sunrise#which I am intrinsically opposed to#and also if I have work right after I can't just come back home and go back to sleep or slouch on the couch for 3 hours straight#I was going to say something but there was this HUGE gust of wind and rain and other noises lashing my window and I forgot what it was#anyways in summary I still don't want to go to work tomorrow#and I'm rrrreeeaaaaallllyyyy hoping that the ‘don't want to be here’ energy of Friday carries over to today#phenomenal job on Friday 6 out of 8 of my co-worker's people didn't show up#I yearn for that sort of attendance#please. please give me nothing to do. let me catch up on my other stuff. you do not need to come in for this. this can be an email.#(to be fair I would also hate it if it were an email sdkjfhskfjh)#(...yeah actually maybe don't make it an email)#(but please please PLEASE no more backstories tragic or otherwise)#(please let it just be simple and straightforward enough to finish all my notes as they come)#(I still have to do Friday's because I slept like all of Saturday and half of today)#ah shoot and I still need to study...#you know what. I'm gonna have to say it: I miss December#Cheese's personal molasses#Cheese evaporates about...job??#okay I should go to sleep now and stop fantasizing about a tree missing everything but landing exactly across our driveway#rendering it impossible for us to go to work#OKAY STOP WHINING#IF WE MAKE IT THROUGH TOMORROW I'LL LET YOU DO SOMETHING ART RELATED A N D EAT SOME COOKIE DOUGH HOW'S THAT
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