#not triggered by anything in particular
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Let. People. Enjoy. Things.
#comet comments#the world is terrible#and everything is falling apart#and it feels like we are always one moment away#from society collapsing in on itself#so for fucks sake#leave people the fuck alone#and let them enjoy whatever “weird” and “gross” thing#that gives them one ounce of serotonin to help them navigate the hellscape#not triggered by anything in particular#just#you know#a psa
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different.
#can’t help but recognize how kieran is a fantastic unspoken representation of autism#i see a lot of myself in him and the way that he is so isolated and lonely and yet cannot help but perform and find solace in his daily#routines is so heartbreaking in its own way to me. like no matter what you do or where you are you have no choice but to be yourself and fun#nction the only way you know how and it will never not be vastly different from everyone else. and when you’re surrounded by people who DONT#like you and will not accommodate and are not at all willing or curious in understanding WHY you are the way you are you’re left to just ….#live in your own head forever. i’m certain kieran thinks many wonderous things and sees the world in a beautiful light and i know this becau#se i am autistic myself and because of that i see the world in colours that neurotypical people will never comprehend but we’re never allowe#d to see the world through kieran’s eyes. we are never allowed to see where his heart rests or the poetry he waxes or what he believes or wh#at his triggers are or what’s a stim and what’s just habit or anything. anything. the breeze sounds different to him and he can hear birds f#or miles and the sun makes every hair on his arms tingle and that’s why he wears layers everywhere and every green he sees sings a beautiful#song to him and yet we’ll never know. because he is too different even for the van der linde gang. he is incomprehensible to them and he doe#s all of his 4/5 daily tasks over and over and over again and while he would always do them and will always do them because they are innate#to him no one will ever know just what they mean to him. no one will ever know that kieran duffy can distinguish the horses behind him by th#eir breathing cadences behind him as he scrubs the spare saddle with the sun high above his head and he can know when something is wrong bec#ause he can hear it. no one will ever know that he CAN read but the only thing he’s interested in is books about wildlife and horses and fis#h in particular and no one will ever know because he knows no one will ever understand or even care and if they do they’ll be sure to make#it a point to tell him how DIFFERENT he is. and realistically even if the vdl’s DID come around to liking him he STILL would NEVER be unders#tood. i know for certain he would always be described as odd and despite its new affectionate approach he would still be the odd one out wit#h his daily routines and his texture preferences and his inability to make eye contact and his erratic seemingly random triggers and his#anxiety that seems to have a mind of its own. no one would ever know how bright the tree leaves are in his eyes or how every horse smells di#fferent or why sometimes it’s more fun to reel his rod in over and over instead of actually catching a fish. he will always be …. different.#sorry. novel moment. he means a lot to me.#i’m not super happy with how he looks in these but i’m just trying to draw more :’) i always say that but i always mean it too#also if my novel makes no sense then just ignore it. it’s late and my head hurts. i tend to get tangential#rdr2#red dead redemption 2#kieran duffy#image#art#hero draws sometimes
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Experimentation (Patreon)
#Doodles#UT#Handplates#Sans#Papyrus#Continuing the theme of memories and what Gaster ruined for them haha#He doesn't even have to be here and he's making their lives harder! Par for the course#Lots of things have the potential to trigger their memories - a familiar smell or a food they recognize#But there were so many things they never experienced and sifting between them is very difficult!#Especially considering most of what they ''remember'' is actually just their Reaction to Something - like the smoke smell making them tense#Sans here getting a Reaction for sure tho - being questioned and experimented on does Not feel good#It's Papyrus doing it so that's one thing but even still - not having fun with this#Papyrus is so curious! He wants to know! He always seems to be a bit left out on finding things out haha#Sans being the more science-minded of the two probably has an impact there - ask your brother he'll help figure it out#Unless he really doesn't want to because it feels weird please stop (lol)#Still tho being asked to eat things as an experiment? ''oh hey bro maybe going to grillby's will remind me of something'' ''SANS'' lol#Papyrus didn't mean anything by continuing to ask questions he's just curious!#Sans goes to write down the results and then feels Even Worse so scribbles them out#''don't tell me what to do!'' directed nowhere in particular#Tries really hard to put it out of him mind A Lot#This remembering business sure is uncomfortable!#Look what you did Gaster you took a perfectly fun data-gathering session and turned it into something they'll need therapy for!
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I'm sobbinf I leave tumblr for a few days and come back and Nyoka is being beaten 😭
maybe he would have been okay if you hadn’t left :’(
#cozy ask#^JOKE hi! 💛#im so sorry that’s one if the first things u had to witness….it seems a story is unfolding#the nyoka dichotomy is crazy.#Nyoka the kind of guy who outside of his dorm carries such a cold aura + such mystery that most people avoid him altogether#But INSIDE his dorm he’s on such high alert and opts to blend in the background so much -#that it makes the more aggressive mobs more inclined to provoke him#usually not for any REAL reason.#savanaclaw freshmen dont see him to the point that they dont even know he’s there#while the upperclassmen think nyoka must think he’s better than them or something.#its not like he runs with the pack anyway and his stupid pretentious way of speaking is just blegh#whats one cobra vs like several hunting dogs anyway#or a really riled up set of mongoose if we wanna go that route#meanwhile nyoka is just SO dead set on being as dignified as possible he just#doesnt fight back or try engaging at all.#he’s not incapable of it. but its any wonder his dorm thinks he’s docile and gets easily trampled on#He just wants to be left alone and go through the motions. He SHOULD be above squabbles and petty provacation.#in a way. he kind of lets it happen. better to be seen as docile than some trigger happy ruffian.#Unfortunately it just makes being targeted all the worse if he encounters the wrong people. worse if its a pack#even if he’s not doing anything in particular this is NRC. everyones egos are so large they get bruised easily over anything#<- CRINGE TAG LORE NOBODY WILL LOOK AT.
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I live on the ground floor, and my brother and sister in law live two floors up, so sometimes we drop in on each other for some reason or other.
Our building also has an elevator. I don't use it, because I don't like it. I hate it. It's small and cramped and there's weird noises even though it's brand new, and I am convinced it's poorly built.
I take the stairs. But the neighbors usually use the elevator, so if I happen to start heading upstairs at the same time that a neighbor comes into the building, I take great pleasure in climbing the stairs at the most geriatric pace possible and still beat them to my destination, especially if we're headed to the same floor.
Like, sometimes I reach the second floor so quickly that I have to deliberately slow down so they see me as they step out of the elevator and know that the weirdo with the creaky knees is faster going up two flights of stairs than they are using the untrustworthy moving box.
Is my rivalry with the elevator as an entity just a bit unhinged? Am I just making a very unnecessary power move? Yes.
I'm still faster than that fucker, though.
#*shrug emoji*#just to be clear I don't have anything against elevators in general#when I lived on the 10th floor I regularly put my life into the hands of an elevator that BROKE DOWN REGULARLY#but something about this particular elevator and no other is triggering my fight or flight reflex#and I picked fight
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i can and WILL pioneer softer digestion content. why is it so hard to find around here...
#speakin words#v0re#vore talk#soft vore#nonsexual vore#digestion#im v v v touchy and particular about it bc im generally not into the idea of someone being grievously injured or killed in vore stuff#but its hard to find anything that doesnt depict digestion as graphic and cruel#which. no shame to those who like it in that manner i respect everyones feelings in this house. that form of domination n control has appeal#but its super triggering for me!! softer stuff is harder to find
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Today I learned that ppl with adhd are more likely to have allergies... and I'm very much obsessed with this now.
#Random infodumping I know...#but I really love this! On so many levels!#Thinking about hyperfocus and sps/hypersensitivity in particular#Someone who's super into something and unfortunately it's something they're allergic to#they're so caught up in it they don't even realize it's triggering their allergies#until it's undeniably causing them trouble and forces them to drop out of hyperfocus#maybe because their eyes water so much they can't see anything#or they start sneezing in fits and it needs more attention than just a quick noserub#(unfortunately) I'm only adhd and no allergies#So sorry if this is inaccurate...
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here's the thing. yes, some pieces of art are "better" than others. there are many criteria you can measure that with--technical skill, creativity, clarity, conceptual depth, successful execution of the artist's intentions, etc., and i do think it's useful to clarify which ones you're using as a measuring stick. but like, of course you can evaluate art. of course you can be critical (in the "art critic" sense) of art. (among other things, that's one of the most important ways to get better at making art yourself.)
however. when it comes down to evaluating what gets to count as art. what art even gets to have a seat at the table. i will go to bat for the thing that isn't as "good" every single time.
you can say you think a piece of art is bad. you can say you think it lacked technical skill, or clarity, or conceptual depth, and you consider those important elements of a successful work. i might even agree with you. but if you think that means it doesn't matter, someone is going to die on this hill and it isn't going to be me
#this is not apropos of anything#or like directed at anyone in particular#just to be clear#i just had a Thought that triggered something in my art student brain and made this click#because i am being trained how to critique and evaluate art. i know how to objectively and subjectively judge whether something is 'good'#('good' in scare quotes bc that is such a vague metric. i tend to use 'successful' more often)#but the second someone calls something 'bad art' or 'not even art' i will be ready to back it up instantly#and i realized that it boils down to acting like something doesn't matter because it has failed to meet a certain standard#i think all art matters. i think that doodle of a cat you drew in the corner of your math notebook matters#i think that poem you wrote when you were in second grade matters#i think that song you made up and recorded on a voice memo and then cringed when you listened to it later matters#i also think those abstract expressionist artists that everyone loves to hate on matter btw#their art doesn't speak to me that strongly but that doesn't mean it didn't have anything to say#everyone has something to say. and you can have opinions about what they said or how they said it#but you don't get to tell them to stop talking#that includes when that someone is yourself btw#anyway#this has been my monthly-or-so evening ramble#i've been overdue for one honestly#stars has thoughts
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need to develop more self control. have the tag and the spoilers tag blacklisted atm and i keep clicking that button cus im like weeeell maybe i can see a liiittle bit... and like i havent gleaned much but some things i truly should probably not remotely hear abt until ive actually played it
i wanna play it eventually but truthfully im not rly like. well 1. im nervous spending that much and 2. im kinda into other things rn and know if i play it thats a complete shift in interests as opposed to the relatively light interest change im in thats reversible enough for when the new ep comes out at minimum, and i still have too many things to do w that, and 3 is that i honestly just am not in the mood to play it quite yet. i know itll be good but its not smth i currently am in the mood to play
#im still not rly on tumblr much rn and like#i have been snooping here and there hence the opportunity to run into these posts#tho i do think i should stop that. i am extremely very very susceptible to very intense ocd spirals lately#over almost literally anything. like my ocd can draw any conclusion and come up w any distressing scenario at Anything#(this isnt abt anything in particular im being serious when i say its a very easily prompted thing)#so i should really take a proper step back from my ddashboard but ohhh i just. i like posts#so i still mess around on occasion when i have a moment. but for a while i should just keep it to#if i want to peruse posts i should check select blogs and then leave and not play around w these things#(not that exposure isnt important but i think tumblr is like. thats not exposure thats just shooting urself in the foot#if u have ocd . in my experience. i enjoy posting and having mutuals etc etc#but i have a brain that can jump to the least related distressing conclusions after seeing almost anything)#(also wrt ocd triggers i will not specify bc thatd be an awful call obviously#but worth noting that i dont think its the posts youd expect to trigger it#which i only say bc i get nervous if i say theres ocd triggers theyll extrapolate smth incorrect and assume things#but my brains doing its own shitty thing. obv not unique but thats all ill say)#but ueah i need to stop looking at spoilers knowingly but i always go. buuuut what if its... really cool
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Friendly reminder that you need to wear gloves and a proper respirator mask when working with resin. They are not optional.
#text post#not triggered by anything in particular but i see too many people online not using proper PPE when using resin
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being italian online while not visibly black can get weird sometimes, people will assume you're white (understandable) and you'll do something innocuous like calling yourself an "expat" only to have someone go "expat? EXPAT?? oh so when foreigners come to OUR country they're immigrants but when we do it—! you're an immigrant. just say you're an immigrant" and I'm like, look I appreciate the spirit. but as the child of an immigrant who, at times, has been made to feel Other in my own native country, I would like to experience not feeling Other every once in a while you know? like I think that's a valid point you're making but you should redirect that energy somewhere else
#this was not triggered by anything in particular btw#it was a discussion on reddit from years ago#I don't even know if I called myself an expat I genuinely don't care#all I'm saying is#don't fucking lecture me if I choose to do so#white boy on reddit not seeing the irony in him insisting I'm an immigrant#I'm sorry but I think your experience as an immigrant and mine will still be fundamentally different#I don't need you to lecture me on it#also I don't plan to die here so immigrant isn't even technically correct#*
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One thing I hate is how some other traumatized ppl will like weaponise their trauma against ppl they're hurting bc they haven't grappled with the fact that just bc they've been hurt doesn't mean they can't hurt others.
Like trauma isn't a competition & everyone deals with it at a different pace. But at the same time, the amount of ppl who've used their triggers to silence me after they triggered me into a breakdown is fucking wild!
It's infuriating.
#theres one particular incident in my mind that was particularly awful but i cant talk about it#last time i did the person retaliated claiming i triggered them after they pushed me into a full blown breakdown that lasted hours#they ruined a ton of relationships i had with ppl bc i didnt want to say anything that would do that to them like wow
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when one of your ships in deep sleep randomly decides to come out of hibernation and sneak attack you
#occasionally i do obsess over other ships than rebelcaptain#im very deep in my feelings about fenhawke today#idk why i don't even remember if anything in particular triggered it#but they're just soooooo#THE dragon age ship for me#nah i'll go a step further THE bioware ship for me#it's hard to find fics for them though because i have a specific version of them in my head that doesn't always align#the curse of having a ship that's kind of canon kind of oc#shut up sissi
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Don't mind me I'm giving myself therapy in the tags
#pan.txt#why can i like the idea of a particular ship dynamic in my head and then get triggered by it if i read someone else take on it#WHY CAN FAN WORKS TRIGGER ME FULL STOP absolute bizzare i don't get it#torn between doing exposure therapy for it and ir just Not Engaging bc like fucks sake dude why put urself through it#but idk!!!! it could be a good way of working through some of my hang ups#just very odd#i suppose it triggers me bc thinking about blorbos in my head is like the Safest Space#so when i see something that makes me feel Bad with them in it's almost like. anxiety twice over#i saw something that makes me feel gross that actively involves something that usually makes me feel happy#it's so odd bc it really is a Uniquely upsetting experience. i feel like it's somehow tapping into my ocd tendencies#i feel like it's somehow. some kind of creative insecurity#it is specifically fanfic that does it most frequently#and i'm kinda uncovering in therapy that i have a massive complex about the grand concept and contents of my stories being 'lesser' somehow#i feel bad that i 1) can't enjoy other peoples fics just bc it doesn't appeal directly to my tastes#2) feel bad about this at all?? like this is a bizarre thing to get upset about#but also like. what good am i doing getting worked up about a trigger?? i'm allowed to get triggered by Anything#anxiety is not logical or empathetic or academic#it's something i'd like to try to overcome#bc somehow. this feeling is connected to my inability to share my writing i can feel it#but right now i need to do something else or this is gonna turn into a compulsive thought loop lol
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honestly infuriates me how uselessly so many people use spoiler tags or trigger warnings 😭😭
first, you HAVE to give some sort of context as to what’s underneath the warning or it’s fucking useless because people need to open or read it to know if it’s something they need to avoid in the first place and second, if it’s literally just a word then what’s the actual point. using the word r ape or d rugs or whatever in a sentence and covering the word isn’t going to help anybody if it’s literally just a word
but you can’t point that out to people online without people acting like you’re a whiny buzzkill missing the point and it’s like no!! you are!!!with your useless warning that’s an enormous waste of time!!?
#this is about anything in particular it’s a general ongoing frustration#like it was inspired by something specific I saw but it’s not about that#and I see it ALL the time and it’s like literally why#what was the point of this#did you actually think about how it would be useful or ?#and the worst is when it’s combined and does BOTH at the same time#a random word censored with no context#and like sorry if somebody is triggered by#a word with no other description or discussion of that thing#then they’re ALSO going to be triggered by uncovering your warning#that you hid with no context#because they don’t! know! what! it’s! about!!#ALL the time I see it lol
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feel free to ignore this if the post was solely a vent post, but i've got a good amount of medical knowledge if you feel like you'd want to talk about your liver and what kind of symptoms/background stuff and maybe help? either way, take care of yourself and keep hope 🩵
Hfkshcks I appreciate the offer!!! Though idk how much it'd help 😅 not that ur not knowledgeable, but my symptoms are really only... fatigue and chronic pain, primarily. Also sensitive stomach and occasional dizziness 🤔 mostly when I haven't eaten enough. Which are just very vague symptoms. I didn't even go to the doctor for a liver problem at all, I went bc I wanted to get my suspected fibromyalgia diagnosed, but she wanted to do some blood tests first to make sure it wasn't anything else. And that's where the high liver enzyme readings have come up. So she referred me to radiology to get an actual scan of my liver so we can have a more definite idea of what's going on, which That's in a bit over a week.
So. Well. I'm not dying Currently. And hopefully not for a long time 😅 but I'll hopefully find out more in a week's time.
#saturnsdead#ask#though also if this sounds like anything in particular i would not be opposed to knowing!#...though maybe only if it's reassurances 😅 im trying not to doom-think about it. for my own peace of mind.#also. @ general post readers. i wonder if i should like. trigger tag these posts hfkshfks#since it Is a heavier sort of topic 🤔#we will go with#medical/#maybe? well if anyone doesnt wanna see any more posts on this topic they can block that tag lol#bc i will Likely be posting about it more in the future. as it is in fact. on my mind 😔
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