#not to sound insane but this made me very depressed and i have trouble eating bc of how sad i feel. i haven't felt this terrible in years.

[bhaalstemple]

i need to become a billionaire for the only reason to buy bioware, hire previous writers and devs, officialy make datv NOT canon and let them make a new game for years to fix this mess and make an actual game that is a continuation of previous games lol

[crumbledcastle28]

Chapter 1: a tug

Warnings: PTSD, sadness, depression, panic attack, mentions of violence

Author’s note: this is part one of my series called “Burning Red.” This is kind of boring because it is a set up for the main storyline, but I hope you enjoy it! Any constructive criticism and support is greatly appreciated. And if I missed a warning, please let me know!!

After everything you’ve seen, everything you’ve done, everyone you’ve hurt, it felt good to just lay low.

A mechanic on tatooine was not what you imagined, but it did the trick.

No one saw you for who you truly were, and that made you happy.

Well, except for Peli.

You came to her sick and angry and alone, and she nursed you back to health. You would be rotting in the desert if it wasn’t for her, and you felt you owed her a little something.

So, you used your “uncommon” set of abilities to help her with her mechanics in any way she needed.

This included: cooking, cleaning, repairing, negotiating, and most importantly, defending.

Peli was no dummy. She knew you had more experience in that field than she did. So she recruited you, and paid you back with whatever she had laying around. A new outfit once and a while, a warm bed, a hot dinner, and a couple of credits so you could go shopping and get out of her hair.

You couldn’t blame her. You were a hell of a lot of trouble to be around.

Constant nightmares, paranoia, and regret surrounded your aura like a fog. Any normal person wouldn’t notice, but someone like Peli could. And it pissed her off a good majority of the time.

“Stop moping and help me clean this oil off my droid,” and sentences like this one, were said pretty frequently around your place.

Was it even your place? All you did was survive. Is that enough to say you lived there instead of just survived there?

You really liked Peli. She gave you a base. A “home” of sorts, and for that you were forever indebted.

But something in you always called you back to your real home, and that scared you more than Peli’s tough love. More than you could even describe.

~~*~~

It was a pretty normal day on Tatooine. The wind howled, the sand covered everything in its wake, and the heat. You would never get used to it.

You were eating your breakfast when a ship landed on the landing pad, and you could already tell it was a doosey just by the way the left engine was sputtering.

If this ship explodes, we better get a damn good pay, you think to yourself.

The ramp starts to open and you take that as your queue to start the walk to your makeshift room. It was really a storage room, but you didn’t mind.

When you get there, you squat down to the ground behind your door and grab your apron and set of tools. You knew Peli would need some help with this ship.

You hear the ship’s ramp hit he ground and you feel it.

A tug.

Not even a tug, a lurch. It felt like a rope had been tied to your soul and pulled you back into your old self.

This was a tug you hadn’t felt in so long. So long, it almost knocks you off your feet.

I closed myself off from this, you think. I shouldn’t feel this. I don’t want to feel this.

You already feel a headache coming on from the shock and ache in your bones, so you start walking back to the landing pad to tell Peli you aren’t feeling too well.

If I get recognized, we are both dead.

You’d rather get a scolding from Peli than a scolding hot gun wound in your chest.

“Hey,” you hear Peli shout at the client, and you pick up your pace. Your heart is hammering in your chest and you feel the panic ooz through your body.

It’s been so long since you’ve felt this, but you hate how it makes you feel alive.

You finally make it to Peli and you see her speaking very loudly (she doesn’t like to use the word “yelling”) at what seems to be your client.

But this is no ordinary client. This is a Mandalorian.

A very broad Mandalorian who, no offense to Peli, could knock her out in his sleep.

You had heard legends of their kind. But worst of all, you had fought them. And damn were they good.

You hadn’t seen any since the purge. You had heard rumors of them hiding under ground, but they had always been peaceful people. You hated how they got dragged into a war.

“You damage one of my droids, you’ll pay for it,” Peli says, and you really wish she would use a more peaceful tone.

The last thing you want to do right now is fight a very impressive looking Mandalorian covered entirely in beskar while your entire body is tingling.

Is he the one who is force sensitive?

“Just keep them away from my ship” he says, and you are surprised at how well he is taking Peli’s annoyance.

“Yeah? You think that’s a good idea?” Peli responds in a tone dripping with sarcasm and you take this as your moment to try to sneak away.

This however, was unsuccessful.

“Come on y/n. Let’s take a look at his ship,” she says and the Mandalorian turns his helmet towards you.

You probably look like an absolute mess. Your chest is heaving, you are sweating, and you are not at all prepared to do any sort of repairs. You are basically in your pajamas. The Mandalorian’s gaze has you nervous enough, but this familiar feeling in your stomach has you dizzy and nauseous.

Just hold on......

You start to follow Peli to the ship while still looking at the Mandalorian. You learned very early on in your life to never take your eyes off a predator. He follows your form and you try your best to mask his incredibly strong force connection gripping your chest.

This man isn’t even trying to hide it? It’s almost as if he is reaching for me?

You make it to Peli where you finally take your eyes off of him. You can see why Peli was so mad now.

“Oof! Look at that,” she says as she scans the ship with her eyes. “You’ve got a lot of cabron scoring up top. If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were in a shoot out.”

Oh my God, he was in a shoot out.

This is really not good. This man could have been followed and you could be surrounded at this very moment. You were a skilled fighter, but those kinds of odds were almost unbeatable. Especially when you were still trying to hide your identity.

You are so tense you feel like you could snap. You still feel his eyes on you, and you are praying to whatever is out there that you can just stay alive. That’s the only thing you’re good at.

“Name’s Peli Motto. That’s y/n,” she says as she points to you with her wrench.

She did not just tell him your NAME.

“This is my operation. You’re not gonna find a better mechanic on the planet,” she says as she leaned in closer to the engine.

“Yeah, I’m gonna have to rotate that. You’ve got a fuel leak. Look at this, this is a mess. How did you even land?”

All you wanted to do was scream.

He is a MANDALORIAN who was just in a SHOOT OUT. He is probably being FOLLOWED and we could be dead because of ME.

“That’s gonna set you back,” she says.

She is concerned about MONEY right now?

Peli is a smart woman, but she was walking you into a trap. You didn’t want her blood on your hands. You didn’t need any more of that.

All of this is happening while you are still on the verge of a panic attack.

This Mandalorian is strong with the force. It is squeezing your lungs and your feet and your hands and your brain. All rational thinking is out the window. You had to get out of here before he manages to suffocate you.

God you hate this feeling. A few years ago you lived with this constantly. It became a part of you. Something you enjoyed. But now...

“I’ve got five hundred imperial credits,” the Mandalorian says.

Imperial credits. Great. How did he get his hands on those?

“That’s all you got? Well..” she says and looks back at you.

“What do you think,” she asks in a teasing tone.

You try to plead to her with your eyes. You are sweating beyond belief and your brain is about to explode.

She tightens her brows in confusion at your state, but continues to bargain.

“That should at least cover the hanger,” she says and you feel your jaw almost drop to the floor.

How can she not see it?

“I’ll get you your money,” the Mandalorian mumbles and you try to take a deep breath. Passing out in front of one of the fiercest warriors in the galaxy who may be here to kill you would rip off the last bit of pride you had left. If you are going down, you are going down with a fight.

“I’ve heard that before,” Peli responds and looks at you in a joking way. Like she was trying to coax you into laughing with her.

You try to chuckle back, but it just comes out in a low breath.

You sound insane.

“Just remember—,” the Mandalorian starts

“No droids. I heard ya,” Peli finishes.

“Why do you think I keep this girl around,” she says chuckling with a pat on your back.

You muster up the strength to smile and feel holes burning in your head from the Mandalorian’s gaze.

He really knows how to stare.

The Mandalorian leaves the hanger, and it takes everything in you not to pass out right there.

You thought with him leaving it would die down, but it’s only getting worse.

“Are you ok,” Peli asks and helps you lower yourself to the ground.

You are breathing frantically now and your hands are clutched to your chest.

“He has it,” you say and you know Peli knows what you mean.

She looks at you with wide eyes and you see the realization on her face.

“Oh my god.... he was in a shootout,” she says.

“Uh huh,” you breathe out. The desperate force connection is starting to fade and you feel your lungs fill up with air once more.

“He could have been followed! Or he could be here to—���

“Kill us,” you say. Peli hates when you finish her sentences, but there was no point in caring right now.

“Ok. Get inside. If I need you I will call for you,” she says and you nod, slowly getting to your feet.

You start to walk back to your room, with Peli’s arms guiding you, while taking deep breaths, but you freeze when you sense something else coming out of the ship and you snap your head to the ramp.

“What,” Peli says as she follows your gaze.

Your heart flutters. The force is slowly starting to ease its nasty grip on you.

If you didn’t sense the creature, you would miss it.

A little green baby, wrapped in what looked like a potato sack, was strolling down the ramp, looking directly at you.

“It’s him,” you say.

“He has it.”

[keilemlucent]

boneless wings

(T!)

word count: ~1.6k

You’re feeling shitty and Keigo is more than willing to help you out. 

just a short little thing. just tooth rotting fluff, soft keigo, very sweet, nice. nesting fic with avian hawks. enjoy a soft, feel good piece. 

enjoy a feel good piece y’all ;^)

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Sometimes, you just have shitty days. It’s just a fact of living and breathing, somedays just fucking suck and it’s just how it is. You knew this. You were well aware. 

And, you were having one.

The weird, gluey feeling in your chest didn’t go away, no matter what you did. You tried the kitschy self-care that those online magazines recommended. Yoga, face masks, drinking fucking water—

None of it worked, so you gave up, opting to nest in your living room. You padded it with pillows, blankets, and a few plushies. You didn’t much feel like eating, mouth dry despite the extra water you had chugged in desperation.

You resigned yourself to riding out your nastiness, ambiently watching TV with half-lidded eyes. The constant pattering of drizzling rain relaxed you, but the gray sky it brought with it was hardly welcome. 

Your phone rang in the early evening, pulling you from your stupor.

You answered without checking the caller ID, “Hello?”

“Angel!” Keigo’s voice was like sunshine through the phone. “Have you eaten? I found a great street vendor that I want to take you to. You down?”

You sighed into the receiving, nestling in your blankets. You weren’t up for much moving.

“I’m sorry, Kei’,” You hated how weak your voice sounded. “I’m not feeling so hot. I think I’m staying in for the day.”

You could hear his frown through the phone, “Aww, babe! Why didn’t you tell me? I’ll bring you some soup! Maybe dumplings, if you’re feeling that.”

“No, love, it’s not that kind of sick,” You rubbed at your eyes. 

Keigo had made it very clear early in your relationship that for all of the hoops and secrecy you had to jump through for him, he wanted to be more than there for you. He was insanely nice and supportive if you let him.

Especially on your shitty days, you struggled to tell him how rotten you were feeling. 

“Dove,” His voice was so sweet from the phone, worming its way through your depressive haze. “You want me to come over? Snuggle you a little, order in some food you like? You know I’m here for you, (Y/N).”

You swallowed, rubbing at the wetness around your waterline, “I don’t wanna trouble you, ‘Kei, you know that.”

“Now I gotta come over, Dove. You’re never trouble. Guess I gotta show you.”

“Keigo—”

He hung up before you could argue.

Though, you did receive a text shortly after.

 [heart eyes chicken wing]: i��ll be over in 30, okay? 

[heart eyes chicken wing]: i’m gonna kiss u so much

[heart eyes chicken wing]: you want me to stay over? i’m the big spoon 4 u ALL NIGHT!!

[heart eyes chicken wing]: i love u so much dove!!!

 You swallowed, rubbing at your tears. Sure, Keigo was a bit overbearing. He was actually pretty new to the whole ‘dating’ thing, but he really tried. And on your shitty days, it did feel better to have someone close.

|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

Keigo arrived a half an hour later, knocking on your balcony door.

You hauled yourself from your nest, quickly dodging to the bathroom to grab him a towel for his wings. 

Padding to the door, you unlocked and slid it open, stepping aside for Keigo and only looking at the ground. You handed the towel to which he thanked you promptly. There was a bag in his hand that was dropped to the ground, a bit damp from the mist outside. 

Standing next to him, you felt a little pathetic, to say the least. Standing in front of him in nothing but sweats and an oversized sweater, eyes scratchy with old tears, and a mess of unattended hair. 

“Oh, baby,” Keigo’s voice was so empathetically sad, it made your own chest ache. 

You finally looked up, just as Keigo cupped your face, leaning down the slightest bit to pepper your face with kisses. 

“H-hey, stop that,” You stuttered, unable to stop the fluttery feeling cracking in your chest, a little ray of warmth through the rot. “You’re too nice.”

“Nope,” Keigo dropped a kiss on the tip of your nose, pulling him into you by your waist to hug you as tightly as he could. “I’m not nice enough. You deserve the world, you know.”

“So you tell me,” You mumble against his chest, locking your arms around his neck and settling against his neck for a moment.

Keigo let you rest against him, a birdlike cooing vibrating cutely from the back of his throat as he rubbed your lower back with his thumbs.

“Thanks for coming by, Kei’. I love you,” It was in a small voice, but it was something. 

“I love you too.” Keigo nuzzled into the side of your head, pressing a wet kiss to your temple. “And, of course. Anytime. Also, I brought you a little treat.”

You pulled away a little, just to eye the bag he’d dropped when he’d arrived, “Dinner?”

“Hmmm, no, but we’ll get that too,” Keigo left the embrace, but slipped your palms together. “I thought it might be nice for your bad days. It’s kind of heavy, though.”

You cocked your head to the side as he passed you the bag, topped with pastel tissue paper. Pulling it away, your eyebrows rose. 

Inside, was a blanket, heavy in the bag.

“It’s a weighted blanket! Rumi was talking about how helpful they are for Fuyumi when she gets anxious, and I figured it might help you too,” Keigo beamed at you as you looked in the bag.

You were very fragile that day, and small kindnesses hit a little harder than you wanted to admit.

Your arms wrapped around his neck again, blanket dropped to the ground as you hid your damp face in Keigo’s neck.

“Thank you,” You pressed into his neck as he rubbed at your sides. “A lot.”

He squeezed you, smothering your messy hair with kiss after kiss, “Of course, dove. Anything to help you out. Now, dinner? Anything. You name it.”

...

Keigo ordered in your favorite comfort food, more than happy to make the phone call to the place for delivery. 

The moment he hung up, he was eyeing your ‘nest’ on the floor.

“Uh, babe, what’s all that?” He jerked his head towards the mass on the floor.

The embarrassment in your gut stung, “It’s... I guess a nest... It’s kind of dumb, I’m sorry.”

“Hey, silly,” Keigo was on you in an instant, kissing your forehead and dragging you into him. “Don’t apologize. One, it looks comfy as hell. Two, I’m bird adjacent, and the idea of you making a nest that I can now snuggle with you in makes me like, cuddle horny.”

You snorted a laugh out, the filthy feeling your gut dulling, “Nesting turns you on?”

“Like, in a cute way,” Keigo smiled down with his honeyed eyes. He dragged you over to the nest, falling into the piles of blankets and pillows. “Like, I want to wrap you up in my wings and kiss you until you fall asleep, kind of horny.”

“Ohhh, I see,” You smirk down as he cutely adjusted the softness around his feathers, a cluster of the downy ones from the base of his wings falling around the nest. “What are those doing?”

“Gotta claim it, bird stuff,” He huffed while papping his hands on a pillow. “Get down here, dove. This nest isn’t complete without you in it, you know.”

It was a little silly, Keigo’s avian doings, but it was also very endearing to see him like this. Both he and you were being particularly vulnerable, and though you felt pretty raw, it also felt nice. Very nice.

“Oh, wait!” Keigo piped up as you fell to your knees on a soft comforter.

One of his feathers shot off, then three more, bringing the new, weighted blanket over to you and Keigo’s nest. It fell into your lap.

You carefully unfurled it as Keigo idly told you about his day, knowing all too well how it was harder for you to talk when you weren’t feeling well. You appreciated the gesture, a bit of tension rolling from your shoulders as you fully unwrapped the blanket.

As you did, Keigo plopped into the perfect nest he made, wings perfectly poised behind him.

You followed his movement, scooted closer to him. Keigo wasted no time urging your back to his chest, wrapping you the two of you up in one of his wings. The warm scent of the oil he rubbed on them instantly lulled you, eye going half-lidded. Keigo giggled, watching your sleepy reaction. He knew how to get you boneless without a single touch (in more ways than one). 

He stretched for the new blanket, pulling it over the two of you, sighing at its weight, “Oh, I get it now.” 

The blanket weighed down on your body, thoroughly pleasantly. The pressure lulled you even more, Keigo’s heat and steady breath only adding to your increasingly lax state.

“Like it, dove?” Keigo asked, lightly laughing as he swept a bit hair from your face. He adjusted a pillow under your head, the arm thrown over your waist drifting chastely to under your sweater to rub circles on your hips.

“Mhm, it’s really nice,” You let your eyes shut. “I’m getting a little sleepy already.”

Keigo hummed, kissing the crown of your head, a happy chirp echoing his chest, “Good, I’m glad. Very glad. You rest if you need to, angel.”

You felt your eyes well with tears at his unabashed kindness. It was so earnest with him sometimes, it was overwhelming.

Turning, you pressed your front to him, nestling yourself against his neck, softening as light coos rolled from Keigo’s throat, just up against your ear.

You fell into a light, but calm sleep, happily. Keigo with his avian quirks, worn hands, and sweetest nothings, helped bear the burden of your bad day, happy to fall with you into your new nest.

(Keigo would have to convince you to make a permanent one, but with how easily you unwound and settled in this one, he didn’t think it would take much.)

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taglist: @sinclairsamess

[johannesviii]

Top 10 Personal Favorite Hit Songs from 2021

A pretty solid year for pop music, all things considered, even if 2020 was juuuuuust a bit better. Outside of the top 100, however, some absolutely incredible stuff dropped this year, and it forced me to make the longest “unelligible songs” list I’ve ever had to make for these posts.

Also I can’t put Blinding Lights at #1 twice according to my own rules, but yeah. Yeah. Still can’t get enough of it.

Disclaimers:

Keep in mind I’m using both the year-end top 100 lists from the US and from France while making these top 10 things. There’s songs in English that charted in my country way higher than they did in their home countries, or even earlier or later, so that might get surprising at times.

No song that I already put on a previous list is elligible.

Of course there will probably be stuff in French somewhere on this post. We suck. I know. It’s my list. Deal with it.

My musical tastes have always been terrible and I’m not a critic, just a listener and an idiot.

I have sound-to-color synesthesia which justifies nothing but might explain why I have trouble describing some songs in other terms than visual ones.

So. Uh. Again. How was your 2021?

Still managed to work from home a lot. Still managed to not catch anything, miraculously. Had to deal with some heavy family drama, but I managed. Also this was the first year I spent without using my deadname for official stuff and yeah. The joy is real. I still miss concerts, and my friends, but hey, they need to stay safe too, so that’s okay. I drew a lot. A looooooot. And I wrote stuff, too. I can’t believe I’m actually writing stories even though “words” are still such a tricky thing for me as a general rule.

-

But oh boy, let’s start with the good or interesting albums that came out in 2021 or in late 2020, because um. Holy Shit?

Coldplay released Music of the Spheres. It’s... not great, actually it’s really bad, but I don’t get the hatred around it, and it has some genuinely excellent singles, and I’m sad none of them is elligible ; see you on the Unelligible Songs list!

I was never fond of Halsey, but the simple fact that Nine Inch Nails contributed to If I can’t have love I want power makes it interesting to me, and there’s some good songs on it (have you heard I am not a woman I’m a god? What a banger). I’ll take it.

Lil Nas X finally has an album, and it’s, of course, Montero, and it absolutely kicks ass, and I hope everyone who kept pretending he was a one hit wonder without any real skills is eating their words now. Because it’s everything I ever wanted from this artist. Too bad my fave song from it has to go on the Unelligible list.

Arca dropped not one, not two, not three but four albums and it was so recent my head is still spinning a bit, to be honest. I’ll talk more about her later, but yeah, for now: Kick ii, Kick iiii and Kick v good

Epica released Omega and I’m pretty much still trying to recover from it too, and the fact it’s in the middle of this list of good albums is very telling about the general quality of music this year. Here’s Abyss of time - Countdown to singularity, you’re welcome.

Sinner Get Ready by Lingua Ignota is impeccable and also absolutely terrifying. That’s it. Send tweet

Porter Robinson released Nurture and I beg you to listen to it in full if you haven’t already. It’s such a great album, with lyrics about overcoming depression and living your life, and struggling to make art but still pulling through, and I can get enough of it. So, so wonderful.

And yeah you expected this but uhhhhhhh Arca also made Kick iii and... excuse me? What is this? Who gave you the right to make that insane blend of musical genres and crank it up to eleven to make it sound almost as abrasive as industrial music? What the f█ck was that. Why can’t I stop listening to it. Why is Ripples so addictive. Why is the last track (Joya) so immaculate compared to everything before it. W H Y

For the life of me, I can’t decide which one of the two final albums I want to talk about is my favorite one, so yeah, f█ck it, you get two “best albums of 2021″. It was nearly THREE because uh, Kick iii exists, but it dropped in December and so it didn’t have as much time to sink in. I’m pretty sure it’s actually better than the other two, but uh. yeah.

The first one is Screen Violence by Chvrches. I swear, I tried to like their previous albums, and there’s a lot of songs I love on them - Under the Tide is one of my favorite songs of all time at that point. But yeah, no, the albums themselves never really clicked for me. And then there was Screen Violence, and I have no idea what happened, but that one clicked for me so hard I’m pretty sure I’ve listened to it half a hundred times since it came out this summer. How not to drown would top my list in a heartbeat if it was elligible. There isn’t a single bad song on that disc. What happened? I have no idea, but I’m so, so glad it exists.

The second one actually came out in 2020, but I only listened to it in full once the physical version dropped in early 2021, and it basically ruled my entire year. Because hi, I’m Johannes, and I have terrible taste in music, and Post Human: Survival Horror by Bring Me The Horizon had exactly ZERO RIGHTS to go that hard. Zero. None. Nada. What the f█ck is this. Oh let’s make an EP where like half the songs are about the pandemic, but with videogame references everywhere, make it sound like basically the entirety of the Scene from 2002 to about 2012, bring Babymetal and Amy Lee and Nova Twins and Yungblud because at this point why not, and just. I don’t know. Light it on fire while screaming “cringe is dead”, maybe?? Only two out of the nine tracks left my current playlist and one of them is an interlude. I think I listened to Parasite Eve and Teardrops on a loop for days. What the f█ck

Uh. Anyway.

-

Unelligible songs. You can see that part as a rec list, maybe? It’s extremely long, sorry. I really loved a lot of things this year, okay?

Let’s go.

I think I should begin this segment with things that were proper hits but didn’t land on the year-end lists, and Diamonds by Sam Smith is a pretty good place to start.

Monsters by All Time Low should have been way bigger than it was.

I was surprised and sad when I realised Drunk (and I don’t wanna go home) by Elle King and Miranda Lambert missed the year-end top 100, and not by much, at that. It’s a lot of fun.

Copied directly from my list of unelligible stuff from 2020: “I still entertain the vague hope that stuff from Machine Gun Kelly will chart higher in 2021 but I doubt it will happen so I might as well tackle it now and say that Bloody Valentine and especially Forget Me Too are both excellent and that it’s a shame radios aren’t playing them more often.” And yeah. I’m very annoyed they weren’t hits in 2021 either.

Coldplay. You all knew this was coming and you already know the songs but ugh, I really wanted to be able to put Higher Power and/or My Universe on the list. I’m a bit sad.

That’s What I Want is my favorite song on Montero by Lil Nas X and I was kind of hoping it would be a bigger hit. Oh well.

If you haven’t clicked on the I am not a woman I’m a god link in the albums list, here’s a second chance to hear an actually good Halsey song. To be honest it’s more like a NIN song featuring Halsey. I know right? What a weird year.

At the opposite end of the spectrum of recs, I Miss 2003 by As It Is pisses me off because I’m the exact type of sucker this was written for, and I know it, and I know I’m basically getting scammed, but I can’t help it. I love it. But yeah, it’s trash. I’m trash.

100 Gecs have a new song called mememe. It’s good. It’s no Money Machine but I’ll take it. Also you have to hear their remix of One Step Closer to believe it. Basically the ultimate culmination of twenty years of Scene culture. We’ve reached the highest point. It’s all downhill from here, folks

Run It by DJ Snake has no right going this hard.

I wanna be your slave by Måneskin has no right going this hard either.

Utopia by The SIDH. I’m not going to say anything else. Just: Utopia by The SIDH. Just click on the link. Please comment if you did, I really want to read some reactions to it.

Hey do you want more cringe. Because uh. I’m not a Vampire (revamped) by Falling In Reverse is great. And I hate the original version. And this one is a serious version, so you already know it’s worse. It still has one of the absolute worst lines in songwriting history according to, uh, me, and that line hasn’t been changed in the new version. But I swear it’s great. I’m not exactly sure why. But I swear it is

Musician by Porter Robinson. Amazing. Fantastic. Immaculate

Look at the Sky, also by Porter Robinson, might be even better? I don’t know. It makes me extremely emotional but also fills me with energy. I cried the first time I heard it. That’s probably a bit humiliating to say. Yeah. I don’t know either.

I don’t live here anymore by The War On Drugs feels like a song that always existed, but no, it’s from last September. What the hell. Who gave you the right to make something so great. Who are you

If there was any justice in the world, Introvert by Little Simz would have been recognised as one of the greatest songs ever made by now. So grand. So beautiful. So intense. Listen to it immediately

Placebo is back, and Placebo is still good, and I’m sorry there’s something in my eye. It’s called Beautiful James. And it starts with “bring me back to life, never let me go”. Yeah. Yeah

Stromae is also back?? And Santé is a song about essential jobs that are badly considered by society. And it’s GREAT. The fact it’s not on the FR year-end list is an outrage.

Prada/Rakata by Arca is beyond hypnotic and I didn’t mention it when I was listing her albums, so I might as well do it now.

Is this the point where I can start to list songs from Chvrches’ Screen Violence? I guess it is. So uh. Good Girls, for a start. Also, Asking for a Friend. And Final Girl which would be the best Cure-like song on the album if the absolutely immaculate How not to Drown featuring Robert Smith didn’t exist. What did we do to deserve this blessing

Okay okay now that I’ve linked some impeccable stuff I HAVE to get one hundred percent cringe on main and list a shit ton of Bring Me The Horizon. There’s Parasite Eve which I inflicted on a friend through our chat’s radio and which, according to said friend who has actual taste, “is... uh... certainly a song”, so you know it has to be great. There’s Teardrops if, like me, a major sucker, you really, really miss Linkin Park. There’s Kingslayer if... if what? If what, exactly? If you wish the second Death Note opening was a duet, maybe? If you want to hear a screamo yelp glitching so hard it makes me laugh every time I listen to the song even if I adore it? I don’t know. I’ll stop here before I recommend the entirety of Post Human: Survival Horror, maybe

Wait no Bring Me The Horizon also released a song that sounds exactly like a deranged version of Justin Bieber singing about dying for you, in increasingly more graphic and horrible metaphors as the song progresses, and I also love it to death. It’s called DiE4u and it sounds NOTHING like the previous ones I’ve listed from them, and yes, the title is written like that. It also has a hyperpop six impala remix called DiE6u. I wish I was making this up. What even is this timeline

-

It’s time for a round of Honorable Mentions for elligible songs, containing a couple of guilty pleasures, as it's often the case.

Alors la zone (Jul) - So bad. Sooooooooo bad. Extremely bad. Awful. Terrible. But it makes me laugh so hard. I can’t help it.

Cabeza (Oboy) - Basically, same here. But it starts with the line “Ils ont grave le seum quand j’bois mon Capri-Sun” (”They hatin’ on me when I drink my Capri-Sun”). What else is there to say

Rasputin (Boney M remix by Majestic) - This would be on the actual list if it was an actual, proper remix. But it’s nearly identical to the original song, so it feels like cheating.

Bad Habits (Ed Sheeran) - Oddly listenable for an Ed Sheeran song. Has one of the worst music videos I’ve ever seen, but yeah.

Astronaut In The Ocean (Masked Wolf) - I wish the lyrics made any sense. Like, at all. It’s very distracting.

Médusa (Landy) - Again, oddly listenable.

Wasted Love (Ofenbach) - Very good but missing something? I’m not exactly sure what, though.

Butter (BTS) - Dynamite was way better. Still good, though.

Take My Breath (The Weeknd) - Don’t get me wrong, it’s very good. But it was a pretty good year for pop music, ok ?

Happier Than Ever (Billie Eilish) - If I had better taste, it would be on the list.

Leave the Door Open (Silk Sonic) - If I had better taste, it would also be on the list. Alas, I am what I am.

And now, the actual list. At last.

10 - Beggin’ (Måneskin)

US: #66 / FR: #34

Yes, it’s extremely rough around the edges. Yes, listening to it makes my throat hurt. Literally. Yes, it’s not their best song by several miles.

Yes, it’s still above all the honorable mentions. I swear I’ve thought long and hard about it, and I stand by this choice.

9 - Therefore I Am (Billie Eilish)

US: #25 / FR: Not on the list

I’m not your friend.

That’s it. That’s my review.

8 - Industry Baby (Lil Nas X)

US: #24 / FR: #25

A lot of people seem to think that one is Lil Nas X’ best single. I just think it’s very good, and to be honest, that’s enough to land on this list. Bragging about your success has rarely felt more deserved, let’s face it.

7 - Save your tears (The Weeknd)

US: #2 / FR: #3

Nearly killed by the overplay, but not quite. Not as good as Blinding Lights or Heartless by a mile, though.

That mile still puts it above a shit ton of stuff on the year-end lists.

6 - Levitating (Dua Lipa)

US: #1 / FR: #10

And for the least surprising pick of all, we have Levitating.

And moving on.

5 - Starting Over (Chris Stapleton)

US: #53 / FR: Not on the list

I’m frankly baffled that what’s essentially a folk song has made its way so high up the US year-end list. Not that I’m complaining, because it’s absolutely wonderful in every way, and it’s sincere and touching and aaaaaa. It’s perfect.

Now you might say that if I had better taste, this would be number one on the list, and you would be absolutely right! But, uh, may I remind you I just recommended FOUR Bring Me The Horizon songs on my unelligible songs list?

So... yeah.

4 - Stay (Justin Bieber & The Kid Laroi)

US: #12 / FR: #21

This happened. I actually love a Justin Bieber song now. It also has The Kid Laroi on it, which should also make it worse. But no. It’s stupidly addictive instead. What the hell happened. Why.

Just for this, I’m glad I always give a chance to every single song I come across even if I usually hate their artist’s stuff. Sometimes, it pays off.

3 - Montero (Lil Nas X)

US: #9 / FR: #5

I’m under the impression the whole drama around the video half-eclipsed the fact that this is a terrific song. Listen to that beat. It’s insanely catchy even if it sounds like goddamn flamenco. How does that even work. I’ve had it in my head for months and it refuses to go away and I’m actually happy about that. And yeah, you might have noticed it’s even higher on the French Year-end list. So yeah, radios here loved it even more. What an earworm.

Also the lyrics are extremely gay. Which doesn’t hurt. Thank you for this gift, good sir. We don’t deserve you.

2 - My Ex’s Best Friend (Machine Gun Kelly ft Blackbear)

US: #23 / FR: Not on the list

You knew this was coming. I’m pretty sure some rotten tomatoes were saved just for the occasion. Because it’s Machine Gun Kelly AND Blackbear, Unlikable F█ckboys Extraordinaires, talking about girls and doing what’s essentially textbook punk-rock in a not-very-original way.

But consider this: as this post has already made pretty clear again and again, I have exactly zero taste, and I’m a massive sucker.

Also, this was my default number one until the French 2021 year-end chart dropped this morning, because uh-

Um-

1 - Cold Heart (Elton John & Dua Lipa)

US: Not on the list / FR: #49

Yeah. No. No way I could put anything else above that one. Not in a million years. Have you heard it? Why isn’t it charting higher on the other side of the Atlantic? What the hell are you all doing? Are you all okay?

It’s so immaculate I have almost nothing to say about it. I’m not even entirely sure I could have put Blinding Lights above it in good conscience if I didn’t have that no-repeats rule for my lists. They’re in the same ballpark of endless replayability and perfection, really.

Oh wait, I do have something to say about it: hearing Dua Lipa sing the line “I’m not the man they think I am at home” is free serotonin. Every. Single. Time. I want to stay in that joyful, peaceful disco universe forever. What a vibe.

-

See you next year! If my predictions from 2019 are correct, pop music should get even better somewhere around 2022/2023, so... yeah! I’m hyped.

[that-tall-queer-bassist]

My personal Pros and Cons of my ADHD

Pros

-noticing all the little details and appreciating them in the fullest

-Emotional Dysregulation, because when I get a new plant, or find that one oddly shaped metal marble I lost a while ago, I am so excited it’s pathetic, but I love that feeling of pure joy.

-hyperfixation of the week/day/hour (i know some people describe it differently, let me be pls) . I usually switch between art mediums, and/or a few video games/social media sites. for example, I’ve been on tumblr for 3 hours as i write this, after not touching it for, i think a month?

-nuerodivergent friends. They’re just better.

-the ability to completely drown myself in information to ignore reality. Is it healthy? no. But i simply cannot handle another existiential crissi rn, so i will instead play minecraft while listening to alt rock playlists on youtube because getting spotify sounds like a lot of work.

-my ability to retain absolutely useless information, from either my, or my other nuerodivergent friends hyperfixations/special interests. I can explain to you in terrible formatting if it’s out loud, the evolution, history, training, anatomy and roles of the horse in our world, and how ao3 works, and what makes or breaks a fanfiction.

-Object Impermanence. When i literally hide myself a treat or surprise and forget about it, then get so excited when i do find/discover it again. I hide google questions, and/or song lyrics in my tabs :) its so fun. Also, hiding away stressors. Again, healthy? no, but i don’t feel like having anxiety all day, so whatever.

-Emotional Dysregulation, again. I can switch from sad or angry to happy and excited/content in a few seconds. It’s also great for getting my siblings out of their funk. ex., my sister is mad at me. I make a silly voice repeating what she said or cross my eyes at her. she laughs, then we can talk and have constructive conversation about why she shouldn’t get that upset about me “cutting off her reading time” when we share a room and I want to sleep, and know that she will be very tired tomorrow if she doesn’t also go to sleep. (We have this conversation almost every single night, i’m not even joking)

Cons

-Emotional Dysregulation. When i get upset, I’m Upset. Like, big time, ruining friendships and familial ties if i let it get out of hand, Upset. Yeah.

-Time Blindness. Constantly late, or early, or under or over estimating the amount of time it takes to do a thing, not eating til 4 because you forgot but you also should just wait til dinner, but now its 9 and I still haven’t eaten-

-Executive Dysfunction. I can’t do the things needed to function. Don’t have the mental energy to explain this one, so google it i guess? There’s a whole checklist of things you need to be able to do to function, and i can do like, three on a good day.

-Sleeping Trouble. People with adhd have trouble falling asleep, staying asleep, and waking up. So, sleeping trouble. So I’m constantly tired.

-Internal Clock is SLIGHTLY OFF. Nuerotypicals have that normal sleep schedule. Adhd ers have it shifted forward by, i think, 2, 3 hours. So we go to sleep later, and wake up later, and that’s the only way to get a healthy amount of sleep. My entire family also eats dinner super late, which might be because we’re weird, but I suspect the inner clock thing cuz we all got adhd.

-Object Impermanance. I hid my math homework one time. I failed that class. 

-Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. Never trying, or starting cuz I’m so terrified to get a bad reaction. Constantly masking around certain people to appeal to the few of my Nuerotypical friends. Or, y’know, majority of my extended family. They’re ableist. and homophobic. And transphobic. And racist. and sexist. The list goes on, but, yeah. Never coming out to them! :D

-Masking. It’s exhausting and I can only handle so much of it.

-Not Masking around nuerotypicals. The shoot down after finally revealing my true thoughts, urges, feelings, stims, etc. just sucks. Super disheartening. 

-Squirrel or shiny jokes when they’re made by people without adhd. Yes, I do get distracted by squirrels, and shiny things, and dice. Stop pointing it out, and/or putting me into yet another box of your labeling. 

-saying that I’m lazy, worthless, or a disaster when really it’s not helping. I already have that internal monologue, you adding to it and giving it some truth/extra ammunition is not. helping.

-Emotional Dysregulation. Again, because mood swings. like, I’m trying to be rightfully angry with you. Stop making me laugh with you’re silly faces or pointing out of a weird face someone made in a picture you took. 

-the stigma about the hyperactive subtype. I’m inattentive. I have No Energy. Ever. Sometimes i have restlessness, but there is still no energy. Stop portraying me as bouncing off the walls, especially with caffeine. Caffeine just catches my body speed up to my brain speed, settling me down a bit, at least mentally. 

-people not getting when i say I’m overstimulated, or need some time alone to process or re-energize, and following me, or continuing to do the overstimulating thing. I will literally. lose. my. mind.

-when people shut me down after I share something that is really important to me, or make fun of me for liking something an “abnormal” amount. Flashbacks to overnight camp, when whenever I said anything about horses, they said I had to do five squats, and when i got really excited about discussing the differences in riding styles/types with another person who really liked horses, but rode english, they said that it was obnoxious, when i was just.. excited to finally find someone to talk to and who felt the same way after, basically, years and years of no one getting it or wanting to listen or talking with me about the thing. To this day I don’t discuss horses with anyone, cuz it hurts so much remembering that, and the fear of it happening again is still there. 

-seeing other people be ashamed about their adhd and hesitant to mention until i talk, like, super openly about having it, in like, the first 5 minutes of knowing each other. It just.. hurts.

-I’m super empathetic, not in a way that’s helpful though. Like, wincing, or limping myself because I saw you drop something on your foot, and am imagining it so vividly that it feels like it happened to me. Reading a fic about abuse or depression, and it hitting too hard and hurting me almost physically, and on a personal level because I simply cannot handle it. Feeling someone else’s pain so vividly that i can’t comfort or help them in any way, because I am so preoccupied with  feeling their pain. 

-never being able to finish things without starting something else. All the WIPs in my google docs, istg, i will be driven insane by it. 

(y’know, this was kinda fun. As a rant, but also as a way for me to identify things about myself and my adhd that i like. Like, I know its so much shorter, but I have a hard time with positive self affirmation, so it was kinda nice. I might do it again, but just the pros part cuz the cons are kinda depressing ngl.)

(OH, Y’all should reblog with your own personal pros added on! You can add cons if you’d like to :) I’m just interested in seeing how your experiences/feeling differ from mine :) )

[sonic-wildfire]

Emotion Sickness: Diary Entries from Shadow the Hedgehog (Part 1)

Select entries from Shadow’s diary were found and compiled by Sonic (with Shadow’s permission) as an homage to both Shadow’s development and their relationship together. The entries were made between March 2009 and October 2013. This part of the compilation contains the entries made between March 2009 and December 2010.

10:53 PM - 4 March 2009

Hmph. Another day behind me. I crossed paths with Sonic today and he offered to have lunch with me. The request was somewhat flattering, but I turned it down. I don’t really need to eat.

Why is Sonic always so nice to me? It’s a liability to be within ten feet of him at this point, considering how much trouble he gets into. Whatever. I’m better by myself anyway.

5:02 PM - 19 July 2009

Amy visited me today and said she was here on Sonic’s behalf. Don’t know why, but she wanted me to know Sonic was offering to have me over at his place.

Sonic has a permanent home? Who knew?

I thought about it for a bit, but I declined. Again, I don’t understand why Sonic continues to do nice things for me even though I’m the most miserable being on the planet. It’s not that I hate them or anything, but I just can’t get close to anybody else. What if they reject me? What if...

Forget it.

I can’t think about this stuff. I’m going to take a nap. My thoughts are the last thing I need to be with right now.

6:46 PM - 30 November 2009

Wouldn’t you know it, that stubborn blue hedgehog turned up at my door today and again asked me to spend time with him. I was about to just tell him to piss off, but something about this interaction was different. I don’t know what, why, or how, but... it actually sounded appealing this time?

Very hesitantly, I said I’d think about it but don’t expect me to take you up on the offer. He just smiled, said okay, and left. 

Maybe I should at least try to be somewhat charitable for once. I called up Rouge and told her about what had happened and she just teased me over it before hanging up. You know, typical Rouge.

But she did tell me that it was ultimately my decision to make.

Hm. I think I might go after all.

12:25 PM - 2 December 2009

Just got back from having breakfast with Sonic. He was actually surprised I showed up. Honestly? I was surprised, too.

I didn’t talk too much, but Sonic... oh boy, Sonic. It’s like he never ran out of things to talk about. He’s smiling the entire time he’s with me, too. It was almost alluring just how much his bright demeanor contrasted with my moody self.

One of the things Sonic talked about was his friends. I was fully ready to just stop him right then and there (it rubs me the wrong way when anybody mentions friendship), but then he told me I was a “good friend” to him.

I asked him if he was serious. Sonic said yes.

In retrospect, it was certainly more eventful than most days. Perhaps little meetups like this would be healthier for me if I did them every once in a while.

3:59 AM - 28 May 2010

I can’t rest. I keep thinking about Sonic.

We’ve been meeting occasionally like I said I should. The longer I’m with Sonic, the more I begin to see in him what I could’ve been.

He’s a caring, generous man with everything going for him. People like him. He has a purpose in life. He’s coolheaded, rational, and valuable to society.

So why on Earth would Sonic be spending time with me, a reprehensibly depressed alien who is so completely worthless and undeserving of care? How could he possibly like me when I don’t even like myself?

I’m tired and tears are pricking at the corners of my eyes. I need to talk to someone in the morning.

1:51 AM - 29 May 2010

I called Rouge and told her about last night. She wasn’t very vocal, but she did offer a little encouragement. She said I don’t get enough sleep and that a little bit of rest would put me at ease for a bit. But I’m still on edge. What does Sonic see in me that I don’t? Or am I just overthinking this? My thoughts are erratic right now, so I’m sorry to anyone reading if this doesn’t make sense.

Ugh.

I can feel tears welling up in my eyes already.

I’m so weak. I’m so pathetic.

Who would ever want to spend time with someone like me?

All I do is brood in the corner of the room all day and be an asshole to everybody. I don’t understand how anybody could be tolerant of me, much less a “friend.”

Yet... I’m still drawn to Sonic. For whatever reason, he’s just so inviting. He’s nice. Too nice.

11:32 AM - 8 August 2010

Over the past few months, Sonic and I have been visiting each other more often, and not much has changed.

From me, at least.

Sonic has been growing even kinder towards me than before. Sometimes, he’ll give me small gifts like a scarf. Other times, he’ll ask me about myself. If I were ready, I would’ve just spilled my true feelings about myself right then and there.

But I wasn’t ready. So I just talked about the very few things I did find enjoyment in. Gardening, space, and Chao. I begged him to never tell anybody about what I said to him, and he looked at me like I had three heads but vowed to keep it a secret anyway.

I just don’t know. Sonic’s a good guy, but... I can’t bring myself to be friendly with him. If I start growing close with people, they’ll just die or leave me and I’ll be heartbroken again just like last time. I can’t go through that again. I’m not strong enough.

I appear tough on the outside. But the truth is, I’m always on the verge of breaking down. My mental state is so volatile and virtually uncontrollable.

Chaos damn it, just get out of my head already!

3:40 PM - 23 December 2010

The holiday season. A time for joy, reminiscing on the past, looking forward to the new year, and exchanging gifts.

For everybody else, that is.

Ever since I came here, I’ve spent every Christmas alone.

All the others have a big gathering at Sonic’s house, having a good time (allegedly). I was never interested in these and I always declined every single invitation I got from Sonic. Yet, like clockwork, he still sends me one every year. Maybe hoping that I’ll change my mind one year.

After a lot of self-reflection over the past year, though, I’m not sure how much more invitations I can reject before Sonic gives up trying.

I crumble in social situations. Interacting with anybody other than Rouge, Omega, or Sonic for more than ten seconds takes an insane amount of willpower.

Something has to give. Either I go for once or they stop trying.

12:48 AM - 24 December 2010

I’ve decided I need to go. Maybe bring one of my Chao if things go wrong. I’m not necessarily doing this because I want to go. In fact, I’d be a lot happier if I didn’t go because at least I know things can’t go wrong if I’m by myself.

But I can’t stop thinking about Sonic and his friends. It drives me crazy.

9:21 PM - 24 December 2010

Party’s tomorrow. Note to self: don’t fuck this up.

11:17 PM - 26 December 2010

How quickly things can change has always amazed me. Tonight proved that.

Everybody was really surprised to see me showing up, but they said they were all grateful I showed up. Sonic, of course, was the first to welcome me, giving me a hug that admittedly felt like a breath of fresh air after so much time alone. Then again, I have a reputation so I needed to act like he was crushing me to death.

I didn’t spend much time talking with other people, though I did exchange some small talk with Rouge. The usual.

As the party grew longer, I found myself being... complimented by others?

Knuckles said he hoped I was “doing well.” Cream gave me a single flower while wishing me a merry Christmas. Tails shyly waved at me (I put on a smile and waved back). Omega said I was “one of the only creatures made of flesh” he trusted.

I’m sorry. Did these people forget who they were talking to?

Dinner was fine, though I was particularly eager about the sweets. Oh, right, I forgot to mention I have a knack for candy. The more you know.

Of course, then it was time for gifts. I swear you could fill the Grand Canyon with the sheer amount of presents under the tree. I guessed that roughly three of those were for me, ready to be mailed to me if I didn’t show up.

So you can imagine my surprise when I saw eight presents being dropped into my lap and all of them reading “To: Shadow.”

We all took turns opening our presents. I had two presents from Amy (a coffee mug and a Chao toy), one present from Espio (a kunai), one present from Tails (a bag of coffee beans), one present from Knuckles (a Kill la Kill DVD) and... three presents from Sonic?!

The first one was classic Sonic stuff. A sweater with the word “faker” sewed on the chest. He thought that one was really funny. I didn’t really care.

The second one was more genuine. A pair of rocket boosters for my shoes. My old ones are just about dead, so this was welcome.

The third one... subverted all expectation. It was a small box that contained a piece of paper. It read:

“Dear Shadow, stay after the party and meet me upstairs when the others leave. Signed, Sonic.”

The others were curious about what Sonic meant by this. Silver joked that I was being sent to the principal’s office.

Eventually, the party came to a close and people left. I went upstairs as Sonic had told me, and there he was sitting on the edge of the bed.

He motioned for me to take a seat next to him. I sat down and asked him what he wanted me for, half-expecting something stupid.

“I understand you haven’t had the easiest life...”

I instantly got up to leave. No way I was sticking around to hear this again.

But Sonic grabbed my arm and yanked me back to the bed, his face now spelling genuine concern.

“...I know you mean well. Sometimes, you do things that we think are dumb but actually turn out to be smart. Other times, you just do dumb stuff. But that’s not the point. The point is, I want you to know that I’m still here for you. I can tell you’re bothered by your thoughts. But the bottom line is that I, and we, care about you. We love you, Shadow. I love you. Please don’t think you’re not worthy of being cared about. We have our ups and downs, but we always work it out eventually, right? I know your thought process works differently than mine. That does not make you any less deserving of respect. My greatest wish is that you would love yourself as much as we love you.”

I was stunned. That bastard. Quickly losing my composure, I began blubbering about how I couldn’t stand the thought of getting close to someone just to lose them again. How I’m so terrified that I will just be manipulated and used by people pretending to be my “friend.”

Sonic told me that he would never go away and that he would never “use” me.

Fuck. Fuck.

Sonic embraced me and I’m embarrassed to admit that I began sobbing as I wrapped my arms around him. I swore to myself that I’d never show any kind of weakness around them.

“It’s okay to cry,” he told me. “Don’t be afraid anymore. I’m here now. I’m here.”

“And I always will be. That’s a promise.”

[sasuhinasno1fan]

You see the real me

Hey @komorebirei, I’m your @lukadrien-winter gifter! Before we got our assignments, I had been rereading a lot of Sarah Dessen and Meg Cabot books, so this is kinda based on Sarah Dessen’s book Just Listen. If you have read it, don’t worry, I made sure it didn’t have any of your triggers in it. I hope you like it. I based it off one of my favourite scenes from the book. Mentions of ‘the cult’ and Nathan are from Divergance by @depressed-teacup-inc and @sarcasticsparkles (TwiglightMaster15). Hope you enjoy!

Clara Nightingale played from the speakers of Adrien’s computer as he dialled the number for the radio station.

“MIRC Radio.”

“I wasn’t at the mall to see Clara Nightingale; I actually know her,” Adrien defended. He then realised Luka would just use it as an excuse to tease him more.

“That doesn’t exactly clear you of being there,” Luka said. God, he walked right into that one.

“I had a meeting for the fashion show? I’m surprised Rose didn’t tell you.”

“She was more focused on seeing you and getting all that stuff from the swimsuit store. Also, why is Paris’ biggest model doing a fashion show at a mall?”

“You mean, the biggest mall in Paris that holds a total of 30 different stores that sell my father’s clothes? Kinda don’t have a choice.”

“Woo of being a model. Any chance you get to choose what you eat?”

Adrien raised an eyebrow. “Lunch on Friday was a bag of chips. What do you think?”

“Fair enough. Come get breakfast with me. It’s a tradition after every radio show. Nathan’s paying.”

Adrien thought of the red-haired bundle of energy. “Sure.”

“We’ll be at your house in 20. See you then.”

Adrien hung up and closed the webpage that had the radio’s website on it. Usually, he would sleep in on weekends, unless he had any photoshoots. But like many things that changed after the summer, waking up to listen to the radio was a new thing. All Adrien wanted was to get through school without any issues. Not that a certain person would make that easy. And of course because he made stupid decisions that pushed away any friends he could have had, Adrien was alone. It was like when he started school again.

Then…Luka. After a confrontation he’d rather not relive, Luka came to check on him. Even after seeing him hide in the boy’s room and actually get sick, he was there with tissues and water, asking if he was ok. It had been so strange then. To everyone, Luka was the weirdly silent kid who hung out with a ‘cult’, but would apparently beat up anyone who looked at him wrong. Adrien still remembered when one of the seniors had tried lording over him. Luka dropped his guitar case, punched the guy in the face and then walked off. He should have been terrifying. But like people started to believe the rumors following Adrien about him, he realised he had been the same for Luka. Luka was just a guy so in love with music and had trouble expressing himself without it, so he’d done it with his fists. But Anger Management had helped and now he actually had words and Adrien just couldn’t help but feel stable around him. 

Everything else in his life was going crazy. The rumors, the actual truth behind said rumors, Felix and issues with his mom and Adrien’s father, his loneliness because he couldn’t just talk to the people he’d been friends with for so long, the pressures of still doing modelling, everything. Luka made sense and even with his incredibly odd taste for music and odd sayings pulled from Anger Management classes, Adrien felt happy. Of course the crush that was growing might have also added things. He tried ignoring it, and maybe ignoring Luka, but the idea of losing him wasn’t something he wanted, so he accepted it. Whether or not he’d act on it was the question, but who knew.

The mansion was quiet. His parents were still out of town, Felix was no doubt still asleep and Nathalie never got up before coffee was made. He did find Gorilla in the kitchen doing just that though.

“Hey, I’m going out for breakfast. A friend is picking me up,” he told the towering silent man, who nodded after miming at him to have his phone.

He walked outside, already finding two motorcycles sitting outside the gate. Luka had his spare helmet waiting for him, his own visor pushed up.

“Question, how do you feel about bacon?”

“Bacon?”

“You know, pork product? Smells amazing? Best part of breakfast?”

“I mean, it’s not usually one of my list of things I can eat, but I guess I can deal.”

“Excellent, get on.”

Adrien had gotten very used to Luka’s very fast driving and before he knew it, they were pulling up to a large restaurant. Nathan was bouncing in place waiting for Adrien and Luka to get off the bike before he darted off to the front door. The restraint was modelled after an American diner and it was freezing inside.

“Oh, right. Sorry, I forgot to mention how cold they have it in here,” Luka said, pulling off his jacket, which Adrien tried to wave off. “Trust me. They keep it cold in here so you don’t stay all day.”

He took the jacket, taking in how warm it was. Luka’s scent wafted up, almost covering up the heavy smell of bacon inside the restaurant.

“Why does it smell like a meat store in here?” Adrien asked, sitting next to Luka.

“Well this place has always been the place we get breakfast from after the radio show. Ever since the first one. But they got a competitor not too long ago,” Nathan started to explain.

“With crap pancakes and service.” Luka interrupted.

“Yes. So to counteract it, they made every day double bacon day. Whatever you order, you get a double order of bacon.”

“Which he of course has to pay for.”

Nathan pouted. “You try asking for what I want.”

“I have.” Noticing Adrien’s confused face, he explained. “We’ve got a friend who makes D&D characters and she designs all of ours. Nathan here has a specific look he wants but he thinks it’s too embarrassing to ask for. I told him if he asked, I’d pay for breakfast forever. If he doesn’t, then he will. We’ve had two redesigns in the past year or so and he’s still chickened out.”

Nathan stuck his tongue out like a child. “Leave me alone.”

Adrien shook his head. This was his life now, with a music loving former rebel and an overactive redhead. This he would gladly deal with.

While the others ordered large platters, Adrien played it safe with a waffle and bacon, though Luka let him steal some of his eggs. Funnily enough, if Nathan tried, he’d get a slap on the back of the hand. He tried not to preen at the special attention.

Nathan had to head to work, so it was just the two of them as they drove back towards Agreste Mansion. It was still quiet in the streets and it seemed like there was no movement in the house.

“Thanks for breakfast.”

“No problem. If I had known playing pop songs would get your attention, I would have done it sooner.”

Adrien rolled his eyes. “No you wouldn’t.”

“Ok no cause I hate that music but still. You said you won’t be at school on Monday, right?”

“Yeah, it’s the only time an outfit fitting could be scheduled. So Tuesday then?”

“Tuesday. I’ll see you later.”

Adrien had already entered through the gates when he realised that he was still wearing Luka’s jacket. He turned to try and give it back, but Luka had already sped off. Adrien started to pull it off anyway as he made his way through the door when he felt something in the coat hit against his leg. Inside one of the pockets was Luka’s iPod. His pride and joy. Adrien couldn’t remember a time when Luka didn’t have it on him. 

That first day of school, when Adrien avoided the lunch room or any of the lunch benches out on the quad, he sat next to Luka against a wall. He had his earphones in, eyes focused on a book. Adrien still didn’t know him then. If he’d been told at that time that Luka Couffaine would become his rock, his best friend, his, well, crush, he would have thought that person was insane. But here he was.

Felix was leaving the dining room when he went inside, looking surprised to see Adrien.

“When did you leave?”

“Early this morning. I got breakfast with a friend.”

Felix raised an eyebrow. “Same one who delivered that pizza before?”

One of Luka’s jobs was as a delivery person for a local pizza place. When Adrien had tried listening to one of Luka’s many made CDs for him – so he could be educated on the right type of music – and fallen asleep, it led to Felix meeting Luka for the first time. Adrien hadn’t been looking for it but it sounded like Felix approved and that gave him a feeling of happiness.

“Maybe.”

Felix let out a hum before heading to the stairs. He was happy he didn’t say anything more. Adrien wasn’t sure what he’d say anyway.

He collapsed onto his bed, ready to fall asleep again. He couldn’t though, because of a certain item. Luka’s iPod. He was never seen without it. Luka said the silence made him itch, like everything was too much to handle. So the thing that helped him was never far out of reach. It turned on, still a half full battery available. There were many playlists, the names making no sense, but one caught his attention.

ADRIEN

He knew sneaking around on it wasn’t the best idea but…he couldn’t help himself. He pressed the center button and the list of songs that appeared where a mash of a lot of things. Things that looked very familiar. Because they were all the songs he and Luka ever talked about. Luka had a playlist of all the songs they talked about and it was a lot.

He wanted to know if the way he felt was the same. If he was making things up or wishing too hard. He wanted answers. It took all of his energy to not go running after Luka and asking. He fell asleep after several minutes of slowly scrolling through the list of songs Luka had under his name.

                                                 _______________

Adrien climbed out of the car, watching as Gorilla pulled out his phone. He meant to leave the house earlier. He distracted himself with homework before he went to ask Gorilla to take him to Luka’s house, when he was interrupted by a mighty crash from the kitchen. Felix was attempting to cook. Adrien stayed back to help and eat with him before he left.

He crossed the gangplank onto the deck of the house boat. The deck was empty, though there seemed to be music playing in the area above. He didn’t remember the whole look of it from the last time he was here, but he was sure that was a sitting area. He knocked on the door below the deck, which swung open. Rose, Luka’s sister’s girlfriend, let out a shriek when she saw who was standing on the other side.

“Adrien! What are you doing here?”

“Is that Adrien Agreste?” A girl with dreadlocks, some strands of different colours, looked at him in awe. There was another girl with red hair and glasses and another with a baseball cap and Juleka. They were all staring at him.

“Adrien is my friend! Oh, come in!” He was yanked inside where music seemed to be echoing on the walls and the living room was a mess. “We’re having a fashion show sleepover. You have to stay and help us with our looks.”

“Oh, well, you see.”

“Rose, are you ready yet? I have…” Luka walked in with a DSLR camera around his neck. “A show to plan? Adrien, what are you doing here?”

“He’s here to help us with our looks.” Rose said, pulling Adrien further into the house. He sent a pleading look to Luka who shrugged. He had a feeling that telling Rose ‘no’ was a hard thing. He was dragged to Juleka’s room, though Luka’s was separated with a curtain that was currently pushed back. Juleka’s taste in decorating was darker than her brother’s, but a lot of things seemed to be similar, such as the guitar and bass sitting in their stands and the posters of Jagged Stone. Some pictures didn’t really fit Juleka’s theme. Pictures of models, both male and female.

“Look, these are you.” Pictures from his father’s brand, from cologne ads, from sporting wear, even from that department store ad, with the tux for the dance, the perfect outfit and hair after fencing, the perfect outfit to study in the library. “I loved that ad so much and its story. You were so cool. You were like…”

“The guy who had everything.”

“Exactly!”

“Rose, come on. I have a show to plan. Are we going to do this or not?” Luka said, finally pulling her attention away.

“Alright, alright. Who has the order lists?” 

The girls started to leave the area, but not before the one in the baseball cap turned and quickly slapped the back of Luka’s butt, causing them all to burst into laughter as he let out a startled yelp. They quickly disappeared when he turned to glare at them. Adrien couldn’t help but stifle his laughter. It had been a high pitch squeak.

“Not a word out of you,” Luka ordered upon seeing him laugh.

“Course not. Here, I wanted to give this back to you,” he said, handing over the jacket.

“Oh, I could have waited until Tuesday to get this.”

“I know. I’m just sure you couldn’t wait for this.” He pulled out Luka’s iPod from one of the pockets, watching his face light up.

“Oh I would so miss this! Thank you.”

“I had a feeling you’d flip all of Paris to try and find it.”

“Very true. So what commercial was Rose talking about?”

Adrien pointed to the pictures from the different scenes of the ad. “It was from the department store for their back to school campaign. I’m the guy who has everything. Don’t feel like it though.”

“Doesn’t really look like you.”

Adrien looked over at him feeling a little insulted. “You don’t have to like it.”

“No, I mean, I’m looking at it and I see this picture-perfect person and think, ‘that’s not my Adrien’. It just doesn’t look like the real you.”

Before Adrien could ask him who the real Adrien was, Rose called from what sounded like above deck. Luka looked pained as he turned, heading towards the stairs.

“This is gonna end in tears. Just you watch.”

It took a while but it turned out Luka was right. Adrien had been in his corner of the sitting area on the deck above surrounded by mountains of makeup when one of the girls, Mylène, burst into tears.

“I don’t want to do this outfit anymore! I’m always in this one.” It was a beachy outfit; which Adrien guessed her dreads played a part in. Everyone else had changed a good number of times, but Mylène always seemed to be in different versions of the same outfit.

He quickly swooped in and took Mylène downstairs. She directed him to the clothes she brought over and it took a bit of prodding to find an outfit. He sent her off to the bathroom while he rooted through the pile of shoes to find a pair that would fit her. He looked up to see Luka leaning against the post that acted as the centre between his and Juleka’s rooms.

“You’re good at this,” he said, smiling down at Adrien.

“Modelling does lead to tears. Just find something to distract them and give them lots of chocolate after. Works every time.” Adrien finally found the shoes he wanted and stood up to see Luka pointing the camera at him. Covering his face with his hand, he said, “No. I don’t like having my picture taken.”

“But you’re one of Paris’ biggest models.”

“I know. Trust me, getting cameras shoved in your face is not as glamorous as it seems.”

“Oh, come on. Let me at least show you what I see.”

Remembering what Luka had said earlier about the ad pictures not looking like ‘his Adrien’, he brought his hand down and relaxed his body. He felt the smallest smile come to his face as Luka brought the camera back up and clicked the shutter. He walked over, leaning close to Luka as he brought the picture up. The lighting wasn’t the greatest and in the mess of helping Rose, his hair and clothes were a bit messy, but…he understood what Luka was saying.

“This is the real you,” Luka said, his words just brushing Adrien’s cheek, that’s how close they were. “This is my Adrien.”

My Adrien. It wasn’t weirdly possessive. It was comforting and with every insane thing that was happening in his life, to be picked by someone just for being himself, that made his heart happy. 

Maybe that’s why when he looked up and saw Luka staring at him, eyes moving down to his lips, he kissed him. He felt Luka kiss back. Adrien wanted to grab hold of him because the kiss made him feel weak in the knees, it felt that good, but unfortunately, that didn’t happen.

“How do I look?”

The two sprang apart, Luka hitting his head on the post. Mylène looked worried and a bit confused, but thankfully it looked like she hadn’t seen.

“Are you ok?” she asked.

“Luka! We’re ready for group shots!” Rose called from above deck.

“He’s all good. Here, put them on quickly,” Adrien said, handing her the shoes and pushing her towards the stairs. He could tell she was confused, but thankfully she didn’t ask.

They didn’t get a chance to be alone until the photoshoot was done and Luka had gotten the call that his mom would be home soon and the house was a mess. Luka walked Adrien to the gangplank, still waving off his offers to help clean up.

“Don’t worry about it. The girls will take care of most of it. Thanks again for bringing my iPod.”

“Of course.” Adrien hesitated, wanting to ask if the kiss was a fluke or if it was real when he realised Luka was moving closer to him, gently pulling his fidgeting fingers apart and linking them with his own.

“This ok?”

“Yeah. Perfect.”

Luka was leaning down and Adrien started to go up on his toes when they heard Rose. She came bounding over with pictures in her hand. The one that Luka took of him was on top.

“Here, so you can decorate your wall.”

When she finally went back below deck, Adrien gave Luka the picture he took of him. “That way you always remember what I look like. I might be coming to school in a few makeup looks next week.”

“Bet you’ll still look amazing as usual. I’m very tempted to test my luck a third time, but I can wait. Would you be ok if I came and picked you up on Tuesday?”

Adrien nodded, taking everything in him not to pull Luka in for a kiss, no matter who was watching.

“Awesome. I’ll see you then.”

Adrien had to bite down his smile when he eventually pulled himself away and got into the car. Kissing his rock should make him afraid of messing things up, but how could he when everything felt so right? And if Luka came to get him for school on Tuesday morning and Adrien noticed that his lanyard that had his student ID on it also had the picture of Adrien, well. How was he supposed to argue with that?

[caprina-mints]

This isn’t really a romantic head cannon but can you write the proxies and slender men seeing y/n running with scissors.

Slenderman :

You were mostly down on the pass few days and you'd only come out if needed and this got him worried. You weren't usually like this bit after your cat died you were down on the dump for the rest of the week. You seemed almost lifeless like a corpse walking around the mansion.

You barely uttered a word and even when he offered to cuddle you would turn him down completely so he decided to give you some time alone.

You had suddenly barged in his office and started rummaging through his desk like he wasn't even there with your hair covering your face .

" Y/n? What are you doing dear? "

No answer. Not even a nod or a hum but instead you pulled out a pair of scissors in his desk and ran away almost immediately.

Now this got him so confused he called his brother Trenderman.

" Brother.... You understand humans more than I do and -"

" It's about y/n isn't it? I understand your concern but you should give her time to heal" Trenderman calmly cut him off while crossing his legs giving his brother a knowing look.

" I am giving her time but. She came here in my office , ignored me then took a pair of scissors and ran away " Slenderman explained and his brother went into silence.

" .... For someone who slowly pushes humans into the peak of insanity you sure are oblivious to your loved one.... What happens if a person is down? They get depressed. When they get depressed they get negative thoughts when they get negative thoughts they get suicidal thou----"

And trenderman did not have the chance to finish when slenderman had disappeared from his sight.

Slenderman felt a wave of distress coiling at his very slender being at the thought of you hurting yourself , hell if he had to perform a resurrection spell to bring back your dead cat he'd do it. He was now inside your room but you were nowhere in sight.

But he heard sobbing in the bathroom. Your sobbing.

Hearing your cries made him go in a temporary distress state his tendrils wildly flailing and flicking at his back ripping the innocent door away and throwing it to the side but. He felt like a fool.

He saw you sitting on the floor with the scissor on your hand and.... A bag of chips on the other but your eyes we're trained on your laptop.

You were watching a very sad dog story and it brought you to tears. You couldn't hear anything because of your earphone. But when your eyes did land on slenderman you stared at him and paused the movie.

" Uh... What brings you here? " You asked confusion clearly painting your innocent features.

" ..... I feel like an idiot.... " He simply uttered as he sighed approaching your form only to cradle you in his arms.

You instinctively wrapped your arms around his neck and gave him a bewildered expression.

" Mind explaining everything? " You asked with a short chuckle only to have him sigh once again.

" I... You were depressed for a few days and when you came to my office to get a pair of scissors I asked trenderman what it meant and we ended up thinking you were cutting yourself " He explained in a hushed tone and his reason made your heart melt and overlook the fact that he literally ripped off the door to your bathroom.

Your hold around his neck tightened as you leaned up to give his cheek a kiss.

" Darling I'm upset but I won't hurt myself because I know it will affect you too. And watching sad movies while eating chips in the bathroom is a weird coping mechanism I developed when I was still young. I'm sorry for not talking to you and ignoring you I just didn't want you to see me in my most vulnerable state I look ugly " You joked in which he gave a reply that made you love him more.

" You're beautiful even if you cry "

" Aww... Wanna cuddle? "

" Yes "

Hoodie :

Hoodie learned a very valuable reason and that is to never ever let you hang out with Laughing Jack , Sally and Splendorman at the same time. Why you ask? Oh maybe because all 4 of you consumed a high dosage of Candy and Sugary sweets and now the whole mansion was in a crisis.

Because 4 of the hardest people to deal with during sugar rush had a sugar high at the same time.

" Y/n look the chandelier is so pretty! " Splendorman exclaimed pointing at the crystal chandelier hanging in the living room.

" I wanna touch it! " You grinned and Sally joined in too giggling and bouncing.

" Me too! Me too! "

" Then let's Play with it !! " Laughing Jack appeared on the chandelier and started swinging around while yelling.

" I came in like a wrecking Ball! "

" This is a disaster! Toby! Jeff! Get Laughing Jack off the chandelier before it-" Masky was cut off when a loud sound of breaking glasses was heard and 4 main suspects disappeared along with the crash. Leaving the living room in a complete mess.

" F-u-ck " Toby grumbled as everyone gathered around holding ropes and other materials to bind those troublemakers.

" Jeff, Toby and Me will Find And restrain Laughing Jack. Jane and Clockwork Find Sally and Ben , Helen, Liu and Jack find Splendorman and Hoodie... You take care of y/n" With those orders by Makes everyone immediately fled to find their targets.

Hoodie was genuinely concerned about his girlfriend and when he caught a glimpse of you running through the halls he immediately followed where that your figure had dashed off.

Only to turn into an empty corner.

" Y/n? Baby Come out. You caused a lot of Trouble " Hoodie stated keeping his eyes peeled for his girlfriend.

That was when he heard giggling behind him.

How the hell did she get there? He turned around to see y/n with scissors running away from him and he immediately followed your figure .

" Baby you might get hurt! Put those scissors down! " He yelled chasing your and when he was close enough to grab you...

You tripped which made Hoodie's breath pause because you may have stabbed yourself with those samn scissors.

He crouched down and scanned you for injuries but luckily the scissors were faced flat when you fell to his relief.

" H-Hoodie it hurts "when years began to flood your eyes he couldn't exactly give a proper reaction because your sugar high is really taking a toll on your mentality.

" That's why you shouldn't run away from me y/n" Hoodie sighed and his girlfriend only latched her arms around him.

" Carry me " She whined and to which hoodie Complied carrying your frame.

" Weeeeee! " You squealed happily.

This was a really rare sight to see and Hoodie couldn't help but smile to which you noticed immediately.

" You're smiling~" You teased pinching the side of his cheek pulling his cheek up in attempt to form a smile on his lips only to have him shake his head.

You pouted and cupped both of his cheeks before giving him a childish smooch on his lips to which he responded with an adult version of your kiss devouring your lips and completely dominating you.

You pulled back when you couldn't take it anymore. Face flushed and brows furrowed.

" Not Fair! " You growled while hoodie chuckled at your childish behavior.

" You asked for it " .

Toby :

His Hair was really soft and fluffy and you liked it but it had been growing a lot lately and his hair had grown to shoulder length which is a hindrance to his Job.

One time you two got caught because his hair was cover his eyes inside his goggles and another time his hair got caught up and tangled .

And it got you worried because he might accidentally hurt himself or get caught if this continues. So you offered to cut his hair.

But he had a fear of razors because he had an incident involving razors and he vowed to never go near one again and convincing him was a real chore.

It came to the point where you had to chase him with scissors in your hands.

" Toby! Get back here you little shit! " You growled chasing him down the stairs with the rest of the creeps seated on the sofa watching the show.

" N-No! " Toby stubbornly replied.

" Hoodie! Masky! Now! " You have the signal and the two men appeared behind Toby and grabbed him holding him down.

" N-no! L-let m-me go you traitors! " Toby fuked while squirming against their hold.

You approached your whining boyfriend with a small roll of your eyes.

" Hey y/n my hair is kinda long too. Since Toby doesn't want to get his hair cut you can cut mine! " Jeff offered with a wink and you immediately know why he was doing this.

Huh... Jeff isn't such an asshole after all.

" Oh since Toby doesn't want to then why not? Hoodie, masky you can let him go " You smirked and Hoodie and Masky immediately let him go.

You didn't have the chance to take one step when Toby clung on your frame.

" F-uck y-y-ou Jeff she's My Girlfriend! " Toby spat out and before you knew it he slung you over his shoulder and walked away from the living room.

He brought you to his room where he placed you down on the bed.

" Ch-eap m-move y/n" Toby pouted before grabbing a chair and dragging it inside his bathroom.

Following him you saw him seated facing the mirror still pouting from the little stunt earlier.

" Awww Poor Baby "you cooed planting a kiss on his cheek before you began to cut his hair.

During those time he kept giving you small glares to which you'll respond with a kiss on his cheek or forehead or even his nose.

When you were finally done he was still pouting and sulky so you say on his lap facing him and he refuses to meet your gaze.

" Aww baby I'm sorry I just had to tease you or else you won't allow me to cut your hair. I was just worried that you might get hurt during missions because of how long your hair was now don't be mad baby I'd pick you any day I love you " You smiled rubbing his cheek with your thumb and he eyed you for a few seconds before finally giving in.

" Y-you're lucky i- l-love you" He grumbled before placing his hands on your curves and burying his face on your chest.

You chuckled kissing his head while ruffling his hair softly.

Masky :

A month had pass and you were having frequent nightmares and Tim was always out on missions which left you alone at nights and you have gotten used to Tom when he wasn't here.

At night he's gone and during the Day he's asleep. You tried waking him up once and it didn't end well so you just ignored his existence.

Tonight was like any other but when you heard the door break open you immediately shot up grabbing the nearest weapon you could get your hands on and turned the lights only to find tim approaching you.

You were really cautious because you lived in a mansion where everyone kills . Anything could happen.

When you saw him you sighed dropping the scissors and laid back on the bed your back facing him.

You were a bit angry at him for last time and you didn't want to deal with this again. He's probably grumpy or angry at something again and you're trying your best to avoid getting into arguments with him so the best choice was to lay down and sleep.

You felt the bed dip and a few shuffling here and there before you felt his hand on your hips pulling you into his chest with his nose buried on your neck.

You didn't say anything simply because he could be a bitch sometimes and just snap at you to shut up and let him sleep.

" You didn't miss me? " He suddenly asked and you didn't answer him. He's really confusing.

" Answer me" His voice held a warning tone but you weren't having it.

" Goodnight " You muttered and you felt him shift violently and his hand was pulled back from your hips.

Tsk... Asshole...

Slowly you began to drift into slumber and you were having another nightmare again.

Unbeknown to you that you were sleep walking. Your body shifted from the bed and you stood up your hands subconsciously grabbing the scissors as your body aimlessly walked towards the door.

Masky was stirred away and he was watching your figure the whole time.

He turned the lights on while muttering your name but when you turned around he was surprised to see your eyes clothes.

You started running towards him with the scissors on your hand and masky didn't know what to do his instincts told him to restrain you but he didn't want to hurt you.. Surprisingly.

So he just expected to have a scissors stuck on his shoulder or something but when you dropped the scissors and launched on his figure with your arms wrapped around his torsos and your head on his chest he was in a state of unmoving shock.

" .... I miss you.... Stop leaving me all alone... I'm scared to be alone here... " You silently mumbled followed by a snore and he heard you loud and clear.

With a sigh he laid you back on the bed but this time his legs were tangled with yours and he was securely holding your figure so you won't start sleep walking again .

And the next following days he was mostly home with you and still took on missions but he'dalways be back even if it's in the middle of the night. He never left you alone again after that.

[angelicmichael]

Imminient Annihilation Sounds so Dope, Chapter Seven

Michael Langdon x reader

Summary: Reader confesses to Mallory that she met Michael and they go have a night out, execpt they run into a certain someone ;)

Words: 6.1k+

Warnings; Mentions of alcohol poisoning, and someone gets VERY drunk (not saying who cause I don’t wanna spoil it). For the sake of the fic pretend that all characters including the reader are of legal drinking age: please and thank you lol

A/N: Sorry for not updating this in so long 😶 I will be back to add a ‘read more’ line and add it to my master list in a couple days. Idk why all my chapters and fics are so fucking long I’m sorry 😂 this chapter was originally even longer but I cut it down believe it or not. I feel like the chapter is the ‘peak’ moment for the tension between Michael and Reader for sure. The tension and the dynamic between them is just so fun to write honestly haha. Reblog or like this if you enjoyed ♥️ also if u wanna be on the tag list let me know!! ALSOO this is readers POV and takes place about a day after the last chapter!

Previous Chapter

Next Chapter

You felt tense. That was the best way to describe how you felt but it also wasn’t. You felt a constant swirling storm inside of you since you met Michael. That storm made you feel different flavors and elements of being anxious and angry but being tense was the most prominent emotion of them all.

You made the difficult choice to lay low about your new powers, but that only seemed the make the crazed whirlwind of emotions you felt even worse.

You knew you were making the best decision by not telling the coven, it would only breed more chaos and make everything more complicated if you did decide to come clean about your powers. You hated to admit it but lying to Cordelia was too fucking easy.

Telling little white lies to Cordelia was easy anyway, however, pretending that you only had two powers everyday was not so easy. You could feel your new powers growing and itching to be used. It was almost like you had all of this pent up energy inside of you but no outlet. It seemed to burn at your fingertips and the fact that you couldn’t be your true authentic self in front of your sisters was slowly killing you and sending you into some kind of depression. You weren’t sure what was worse, going insane or letting the depression slowly eat away at you.

However hiding your new powers from your best friend was what was really proving to be the most difficult of all. You were normally a open book with Mallory, she knew everything that there was to know about you.. execpt for this. She didn’t know that you were now supposed to be the next supreme, and she certainly didn’t know that your powers were so strong that you were even stronger than the actual antichrist himself. And it was killing you not to tell her, and it was showing.

You had been drawing back and becoming reserved around Mallory over the past couple days, and it would be naive to say she didn’t notice. You knew she noticed but you two were just avoiding the topic.

Today was starting out as another typical morning for you. You and Mallory both got up, got dressed and were prepping to go downstairs to have another boring, dull day. Even though you had been distancing yourself from her you still waited to walk downstairs with her, and make small talk atleast. You atleast owed her that much.

You watched Mallory come out of the bathroom that was connected to your room, and shut the door. You stood up and approached your bedroom door; getting ready to leave but you felt a small hand touch your shoulder instead and stop you.

“(y/n), wait”.

You turned around and met Mallory’s sad honey colored eyes. It wasn’t just her eyes that seemed sad though, you could even hear it her voice. Something was wrong.

“Can we talk”?

She asked and you immeaditly nodded as you two both sat down on her bed. You couldn’t help but remember how last time you two sat on her bed to talk it was to discuss how you found out Micheal was your soulmate.. it seemed like only bad news was revealed on this bed.

“Yeah of course”.

You replied and took a deep breath and continued to keep talking instead of letting her talk.

“But it’s not fair to you Mallory that you have to be the one to initiate this conversation.. I.. Ive been hiding something”.

You spoke softly as you bit your lip. You could feel a pit in your stomach start to form as you did not want to continue to have this conversation with her but you knew you had too. You really shouldn’t have been keeping this information from her for so long in the first place. You noticed Mallory started to sit up a bit straighter as her eyebrows furrowed slightly in confusion. Her mouth opened like she was about to start talking when you cut her off once again.

“I hurt Madison”.

Your words came out shakily, and you made sure to utter them out as a whisper so that none of your sisters could hear. The only thing you really became conscious of was your breathing and your heart beating in your chest. Everything else in the world seemed completely silent and irrelevant. It was as if the world had paused for a couple of seconds until Mallory chose to speak again.

“Madison? How? Why-“

She looked awfully confused as she spoke, and the words seemed to come out quickly. As if she thought the faster she spoke the faster you would give her an answer.

“I didn’t mean too but Micheal wasn’t there at all at first, it was Madison and it was my only option - she would’ve killed me”.

“So it was self defense”?

Mallory asked, the confused expression she wore ealier melted away and now was replaced with a much more stoic and cold look. However, it still held a touch of softness. She had to know deep down that you wouldn’t do something like this unless it was absolutely necessary.. right?

“Yes! I would never hurt her otherwise and you should know that! I wouldn’t hurt a fly”.

You replied and this was when Mallory gave you a small smile and rubbed your shoulder gently with her hand.

“I know (y/n) it’s just I don’t want you to get in trouble. Maybe we should tell Cordelia”?

Mallory offered as she drew her hand back from you.

“There’s no way I could tell Cordelia, Mallory. You know that this whole situation would just stress her out even more than she already is. I feel like she already thinks that I can’t pull the whole ‘seduce Michael’ scheme off. This would just add fuel to the fire, you know”?

You asked her, biting your lip in frustration.

“No, your right. I’m sorry, I just- this whole thing is so complicated. It would just be nice to have a easy solution to all of this”.

Mallory replied with a giggle and a small smile. She looked at you and looked at the floor as if she was deep in thought, and when you got a look in her eyes - you saw a glimmer of adventure and playfulness in her eyes. It was the same glimmer that was in her eyes when you first met her - it was what drew you to her initially. Mallory turned her head back up to look at you and this time she was grinning.

“So your telling me that your powers are stronger than Madison’s? Because you look unscathed”.

She continued and you took a deep breath.

“I- yeah. That’s another thing.. I think seeing Micheal for the first time set something off inside of me because I have these crazy powers, Mallory. I- I stopped Michael from hurting me. I dont know exactly how but I did. Each day my powers seem to be growing and I don’t want to burden anyone else with this information so.. I just feel helpless”.

You ranted. You felt incredibly guilty as you spoke, you knew you were implying that you would be the next supreme but that’s not what you wanted. You didn’t want to be supreme. You didn’t want to take that away from Mallory, your best friend.

“I know your meant to be the next supreme and I would never want to take that away from you-“

You continued to talk but Mallory hugged you and before you realized it you stopped talking. You sat there on the bed speechless. You looked at the patch of sunlight that was in the room since the light was turned off and the curtains were drawn. You supposed noticing this ray of sun was a sign - a sign that things would finally get better and that Mallory would drag you out of this weird funk you’ve found yourself in the past couple days. Then Mallory started to speak,

“Don’t ever think that your taking something away from me. I never really wanted to be supreme anyway I mean, that’s a lot of responsibility and.. I don’t know (y/n) but maybe your not supreme. If your powers are really growing at the rate you said they were then wouldn’t Cordelia’s powers be dying out? And Cordelia’s powers haven’t been affected that I’ve noticed”.

By the time she was finished talking, Mallory stopped hugging you and was looking at you dead in the eyes. The patch of sunlight seemed to hit her and highlighted her dark brown eyes, making them look golden and honey brown. They were beautiful. She was beautiful.

But now was not the time to ogle at Mallory’s beauty; you knew she had a point. Cordelia was constantly teaching and preforming her powers, it would be obvious if her powers started to deplete.

“Yeah but what would that even mean? Would that mean I’m like some other entity like Micheal is? I mean, damn maybe I’m not even a witch at all”.

You were thinking outloud at this point. You crossed your arms gently as you started to get deep in thought. What the fuck would that even mean if you weren’t a witch? How many entities were there that even had ‘magical’ powers? And how would that even really make sense anyway? Your powers really only advanced so rapidly once you met Michael, before that you were just like any other witch. If you really were a entity or something, wouldn’t your powers manifested immeaditly? Plus, you think you would’ve noticed if you really were a demon or some shit.

“Well don’t jump to conclusions I mean, if you really want to know if your a witch you should talk to Cordelia. She would know. Taking the seven wonders wouldn’t be a horrible idea either”.

“Yeah.. maybe after this whole ordeal with Micheal is over though”.

It was nearly as if a lightbulb was turned on in Mallory, she suddenly lit up when you mentioned Micheals name and her mouth even dropped open slightly.

“I totally forgot about Micheal! What happened with Micheal when you met him? How did he not hurt you”?

She questioned and you licked your lips before you continued.

“Take a guess”.

You said with a smirk. It was as if she read your mind because she seemed to know immeaditly what you were talking about. She knew that you were implying that your powers were stronger than Michaels.

“No way! We need to tell Cordelia”!

Mallory’s face continued to light up but you simply shook your head.

“I cant, Mallory. I really can’t”.

You replied softly, trying to stifle a laugh. It made you happy to know that Mallory didn’t reject you or the idea that you might possibly be supreme. However the idea that you perhaps weren’t even fucking human at all overwhelmed you - to say the very least. For now, you were trying to ignore that little detail though.

“Well if your stronger than Micheal than there’s no reason to stay cooped up then, is there”?

“But the coven and Cordelia still need to think that nothing changed. They don’t even know that I met Micheal-“

“We’re going out tonight whether you like it or not. It’s a Friday, and no one will notice if we sneak out.. we deserve a nice night out stress free”.

She replied and you couldn’t help but agree to it. She had a point, it felt purely stupid now to hide away in Robichaux’s when you really had nothing to fear.. even if Micheal did show up, you were stronger than him.. when it came to him hurting you though. Who knows if you would be able to stop his powers if he tried to hurt someone else, like god forbid, Mallory. The odds of Micheal actually showing up tonight in Lousiana were slim to none though. Most likely the fucker was cooped up in his crazy expensive penthouse back in L.A.

But after all you deserved to have a nice night out. You deserved this.

~

It wasn’t hard to find a house party to go to on a Friday night in Lousiana.. it was nearly laughable at how easy it truly was. It was getting close to midnight and you and Mallory had just arrived, parking the black SUV about a block away from the party you two planned on ‘crashing’.

The house was huge, and college students decorated the yard and flooded the house - making the once spacious area seem cramped and tiny as you walked through the yard and then into the house with Mallory. Mallory led the way as she held your hand as to not get lost as you two had to push through people to find drinks.

It was difficult to be completely certain but with the limited decor you noticed on the walls, the house seemed to be a frat house which explained why all the boys looked like jocks and why all the females seemed to be dressed in minimal clothing. You and Mallory both sported black dresses, hers was long and flowy and fell to about her knees while your dress hugged your body a lot more and ended mid thigh.

You two looked like you belonged here, like you were a part of the party scene but you really weren’t. This was the first time you and Mallory had ever been to be a place like this... from what you heard - this seemed to be more of Madison’s scene. You know she frequently visited frat houses - probably even this one atleast once.

Thinking about Madison put a bad taste in your mouth - it made you incredibly sad. The image of how Madison’s body looked when you threw her against the wall played in your mind but you were quickly brought out of your thoughts when Mallory handed you a cup. You took a sniff of it and sure enough, whatever the substance was DEFINITELY had alcohol in it. You tried not to think to hard about what the substance exactly was before you completly chugged it. Mallory merely gawked at you.

“Your gonna get sick if you keep drinking that fast”!

Mallory yelled at you, you could barely hear her through the blasting music and all of the people talking. You simply giggled at her before replying.

“I’ll be right back”!

You yelled as you turned around, on a mission to find where the rest of the booze was. Of course you didn’t see where Mallory got your booze from in the first place, and it was fucking impossible to see where the kitchen was when you were literally shoulder to shoulder with strangers from how packed this house was.

You swear you could already feel the effects of the alcohol because you knew normally you would be gagging at the smell the house reeked of. It could be best described as pure sweat and maybe unwashed underwear?

You were pleasantly surprised to find that when you next opened your mouth, it was words that came out and not vomit. You didn’t even look to see who was next to you when you spoke; there were so many people in this god damn house - someone was bound to hear you. You had wandered off from Mallory as well, you couldn’t see her anymore but you really weren’t worried at the moment.

“Excuse me, do you know where there keeping the alcohol”?

You tapped the person who was next to you on the shoulder lightly.

The person had their back turned to you and as soon as you actually had time to look at them - you felt as if you had been stabbed square in the chest with fear.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

The person you tapped wore a full black outfit with hands crossed behind their back, and their fingers were adorned with several expensive looking rings. Their hair was a curly, beautiful, golden blonde that seemed to rest around their head like a nest or halo of some sort. You just knew that all of these features seemed to hauntingly familiar to you. Too familiar.

Your mouth fell open as you tried to back up but you ended up stepping on someone’s foot, you were trapped. This time, if it really was him, you didn’t have the luxury of running away like you did on the previous meeting. You didn’t know if it was worse to be alone with him or to be stuck with him in a room full of people. Hopefully you were just over reacting and this was just a doppelgänger at best.

The person (who you were hoping wasn’t Micheal) finally sauntered around to face you, you couldn’t help but continue to gawk at them with your mouth wide open. You knew if you continued to keep your mouth open you would surely attract flies so you managed to close your mouth.

You realized this person was wearing a light black cape with two golden claspes on each side with a golden chain running between the two claspes. You couldn’t help but briefly think how expensive those claspes probably were - fuck. All it took was for you to look up and meet his icy blue eyes. Fuck, those eyes. Once you pulled yourself out of the trance his eyes seemed to put you in, you then realized who you were staring at... oh no.

Fuck.

Fuck, fuck fuck!!

“I don’t, I was actually just looking for the drinks myself. Care to search with me”?

You stood there as he spoke, completly fucking baffled. You forgot you had even talked to him at all ealier, but he sure didn’t seem surprised to see you. Weird. It was almost as if he knew you were going to be here, but how was that even possible? He wore a smug smirk on his face while your thoughts started to race at one hundred miles per hour.

You tried to make it look less apparent that you were so shocked; it looked like he was getting off on the fact that you looked caught off guard. You didn’t know too much about him but you knew he had a thing for control and manipulation; and you weren’t about to let Langdon control you anymore than he already had.

“Wait.. What? What the fuck are you even doing here”?

You asked and threw your hands up in the air in frustration. The sheer hatred and anger you held in your voice got the attention of a few people who stood close to you but they quickly lost interest.. thank god.

You went to this party with the intention of finally letting go of fear and being able to be free and yet you ran into the person that you were dreading would be there. You felt incredibly angry that he took this night away from you, a night where you could just let go and have fun but now that was fucking gone.

It was odd how he wasn’t scared to confront you when he knew you were stronger than he is. It’s as if he got off on having control over you and your life, and even how you felt.. And you were so fucking over it. It was so fucking sick.

“I could easily ask you the same, couldn’t I”?

Micheal responded. Instead of yelling to talk to you, you noticed that he kept moving in closer and closer to talk to you and you were still trapped. You could feel your palms starting to itch with inticipation, waiting for the right moment to use your powers to attack - if it came to that but that was the absolute last resort. You were surrounded by way too many people to just use your powers freely like in the abandoned house you two had met in previously.

“You don’t own me Micheal. I’m sick of feeling like you control me, I feel like I’m not even in charge of my own emotions or actions anymore. And now when I finally try to have a night to forget about you, you fucking show up. So let me ask you again, what are you fucking doing here”?

You hissed. You kept your voice a little low, still yelling but not quite at the volume that would catch other people’s attention. You made sure to look right into Micheals eyes as you spoke, you wanted to show him you weren’t scared. There was no reason to cower from him anymore.

Micheal smirked as he glanced over his shoulder, as if he was making sure no one was picking up on your conversation. There was so many fucking people here, it was really hard to tell if any of them were purposely listening in or not. And even if they were listening, it probably just sounded like you two were exes that happened to run into eachother at a party.

“I’m here for the same reason you are. To forget about all of the bullshit that’s happened within this past week. So, C’Mon lets go take shots”.

Micheal said and actually grabbed your hand. Your mouth dropped once again as soon as he touched you, your not sure if it was from pure surprise or disgust.. maybe both? Your first instinct was to take back your hand and you tried to - you really did but the fucker seemed to have cat like reflexes and he caught your hand before you could yank it away too far.

You thought the first time you would touch your soulmate you feel sparks or fireworks and maybe even butterflies but when Micheal touched you, and was even leading you through the crowd now - you felt nothing of the sort.

You felt regret, nausea, and if anything it felt like you had almost been electrocuted when he touched you. And not in a good way.

He was moving through the crowd pretty damn fast, and he wasn’t really holding your hand - more so grabbing onto your wrist as if you were a kid who was about to be punished. You tried to slide your wrist out of his grip but he wouldn’t fucking let go, and it was really starting to hurt. You stumbled behind him and he continued lugging you through the crowd and to the kitchen; where there was definetly still a crowd but it was more dispersed and there was actually room to breathe. It was a little bit quieter here too, the music a little bit distant and the crowd was more sparse. It wasn’t nessacary to scream here to talk but you chose to anyway for your next sentence because you wanted to make sure he fucking heard you.

“Micheal let go”!

You yelled, you still couldn’t work your wrist free so you took your other hand to pry Micheals hand free off of you.

You noticed people were staring at you two - you didn’t look to see but you could feel their eyes on you. Micheal must’ve sensed that you two were getting attention because he finally let go of your fucking wrist. Ow. He might’ve let go because you were also digging your nails into his skin as well.

You rubbed your wrist which was now red as you frowned deeply. Even though your wrist was really just irritated and not actually injured; you still chose to put your other hand over your wrist and heal it. It’s not like anyone would notice, you doubted even Michael noticed what you were doing. However, What you really wanted to do was to continue to yell at Micheal but you knew you couldn’t do that now, espically since you just got people to stop staring. You cleared your throat.

“What the hell is this all about Micheal? Are you out of your mind”?

You hissed, glaring daggers at him as you spoke. You hurt Madison, why was he not furious with you? It made no fucking sense. And he wanted to take shots with you?? What??

You don’t know what exactly you were so mad about honestly, because this point it was fucking everything. You don’t know if it was the fact that he was trying to pretend everything was okay when it obviously fucking wasn’t, or the fact he was expecting you to just forget all of the bad blood that was between you too? Who knew at this point.

You waited for him to talk but instead he moved toward the counter to pour shots, you assumed since he was so hellbent on you two drinking together. You wouldn’t be surprised if he poisoned your drink honestly but something about Michael today seemed desperate, and sad. He really seemed like he was trying to get on your good side; maybe you were just reading him wrong but you felt like you could trust him tonight.

Michael didn’t even bother to turn around to reply to you; he kept his focus on the alcohol and not even making eye contact as he spoke.

“I told you, I’m done fighting”.

He said. He nearly slammed the alcohol bottle down onto the counter and he turned to look at you as he kept speaking. He first handed you your shot which happened to be clear in a tiny red plastic cup. You stared at the fluid in the cup suspiciously, and then you looked back up at Michael. You figured you would watch him drink his shot first before you had yours.

“The more I try to distance myself from you, the more I just end up getting fucking nowhere so I’m done trying to run away from you. Whenever I try to push you away someone ends up getting hurt, so It’s not worth it.. bottoms up”.

Micheal took his shot and downed it within seconds and slammed it back down on the counter. You noticed he was already reaching for the bottle to fill up his glass again. You continued to keep holding onto your cup absentmindedly as you watched Michael pour himself another glass. You couldn’t help but to notice how whenever he spoke tonight there seemed to be a desperation in his voice, it was as if he had given up. It almost made you feel bad for him.. almost.

You had to remind yourself who he was, and what his ultimate goals were. The only reason he was sad and angsty tonight was because he couldn’t manipulate you or use his powers against you, it wasn’t because he cared or felt any kind of empathy for you. It stung and hurt for you to acknowledge that but you knew you couldn’t let his charm cloud your judgement.

You already had a drink ealier but you figured this tiny shot wouldn’t hurt, being tipsy around Micheal couldn’t be TOO risky.. After all Michael seemed to be pretty cozy with drinking around you. You downed your shot and pull your small plastic cup back onto the table; assuming Micheal would fill it for you since he was still holding the bottle of alcohol.

You were about to speak but instead you heard someone else speak up and talk to Micheal instead.

“Why are you even taking shots? You might as well just drink the whole bottle at this point”.

It was an all too familiar voice, you whipped your head around and you saw Mallory. You exhaled and grinned, you were never happier to see another human being in your fucking life.

It’s not like you were alone with Micheal, you were surrounded by people but you felt alone. Micheal could do whatever he wanted to you here because you couldn’t use your powers. You felt isolated and alone but now with Mallory here? You were getting the fuck out. Nothing could stop you now.

You were surprised Mallory made such a snide remark to the damn antichrist of all people.. I mean she knew who he was.. right?

Micheal at first smirked, and then he full on laughed - it was like he was trying to hold it in at first. He was defintly feeling the alcohol you could only assume. You’d never seen him laugh before... you couldn’t decipher whether it was a true laugh or a sarcastic one from being challenged.

“Your right. I guess I will”.

Micheal announced, he placed his shot glass on the table and even slid it across. Your not sure if it slid naturally or if he used a bit of his magic - a quick glance around told you that no one seemed to notice or care execpt you.

He started to chug the bottle which happened to be a pretty big fucking bottle of Absolute Vodka. You watched his throat as his Adam’s apple continued to bob as he swallowed.. and swallowed and swallowed. You and Mallory’s mouth both dropped open, you didn’t know what the fuck to do. You both looked at eachother in shock as you watched the amount of liquid in the bottle start to grow smaller and smaller.

He was defintly going to get sick at this rate, and be drunk off his fucking ass. Yes, you hated him and wanted him dead but not like this. Choking on his own vomit and dying drunk and alone would be a fucking awful death; even for the antichrist. And lucky for him you actually gave a shit about people and their feelings.

You knew Cordelia’s ideal end game would be to have Micheal dead as soon as possible but if you could help it Micheal wasn’t going to die tonight. You would rather it be a quick and painless death if he had to die; dying by being drunk would not quick and painless. And on the other hand, Mallory didn’t even know this was Micheal yet. You assumed she probably thought this was just some guy you stumbled across - which wasn’t a totally wrong assumption. You brought your attention back to the man in front of you; who was still fucking drinking, the bottle was nearly empty.

“Hey! Stop”!

You hissed at Micheal. You gripped the end of the bottle and yanked it away from him - he had a damn good grip didn’t he?

The bottle was at least three quarters empty, fuck. You noticed Mallory gave you a weird look when you yelled at Micheal but you only did so cause you didn’t want to randomly name drop him, you figured they could have a (semi) proper introduction.

You still held onto the bottle as you shifted glances between Mallory and Micheal. You pointed at each of them with the bottle you held as you said their names.

“Mallory, this is Micheal. Micheal, this is Mallory”.

Mallory, who was staring at you before, instantly snapped her head toward Michael as her eyes grew wide. It was as if she was trying to convince herself that what you had just said wasn’t true. She looked completly panicked, in fact you could nearly feel the anxiety radiating off of her like how you would feel the heat rising off of a hot stove.

“This is Micheal”?!

Mallory asked in a panicked whisper. You merely nodded quickly. Micheal on the other hand looked purely amused, and swayed in place dangerously. If he wasn’t drunk before, he definitely was now. you had no doubt in your mind that he was reading and taking in all her thoughts right now, if he wasn’t too drunk to use his powers anyway. You weren’t drunk, maybe just a little tipsy at most but you could still feel the strength of your powers swirling inside you. Being intoxicated definitely had no effect on the strength of your powers - that was good to know. Michaels blue eyes flickered from watching Mallory to meeting your gaze.

You knew no one else execpt maybe Mallory was staring at you but you felt under the spotlight under Micheals gaze, almost like how a bug would feel right before being squashed. You started to sweat and shift uncomfterably in place. You felt even more uncomfterable as he spoke.

“Is this your new normal now? Do you always keep a posey of witches around you wherever you go? How about you just introduce me to rest”.

Micheal mused, you nearly screeched when he said the word ‘witches’ outloud. Even though he looked obviously drunk, his words came out smoother than silk - not stumbling on his words once. You found it odd Michael didn’t even bother addressing Mallory, not even respecting her enough to look her in the eyes. You assumed he knew she was a witch from reading her thoughts, or maybe he could just sense it. This seemed to piss you off any more of that was even possible. He could at least pretend to be civil.

“Micheal, What is your problem? Im not scared of you”.

You snarled, you stepped closer to him, just a foot away from his face as you stared him in the eyes. Even though you felt insanely nervous doing this, you knew Micheal couldn’t hurt you. You just needed to show him that you were in control for once. Not him.

You felt Mallory’s soft hand on your bicep, very gently pulling your arm back. You knew she was scared that you or Michael would start fighting.

“(y/n), we need to go”.

You heard her say. Micheal still had a smug smile on his lips and you wanted nothing more than to wipe it clean off.

You backed off though, you took a couple steps back and turned to Mallory; your back now to Michael. As you spoke, you felt Micheal tug on the bottom of the bottle you still held - trying to take it back - but you gently tugged it back. He was already drunk out of his mind, no fucking way he was having more.

“I can’t leave him like this, he’s going to get himself killed”.

You explained to Mallory, frowning. It’s not like you wanted to spend tonight babysitting Micheal but you couldn’t trust him to be by himself.. even if he was acting like a asshole and purposefully trying to piss you off. You could tell Mallory was about to protest by the look on her face but you spoke instead.

“Don’t worry about me I’ll be fine. Go home, I’m gonna stay with him”.

“There’s no way I’m going to let you do that, what if he hurts you”?!

“I’m not worried, I’m stronger than him. Plus he’s drunk, the only one he’s in danger of hurting right now is himself”.

You said with a giggle. Mallory quickly took a couple steps toward you and bear hugged you. You hugged her back and you could barely make out the words,

“Be careful. I’m gonna head back”.

You gave Mallory a somber smile as you watched her melt back into the sea of people as she left the kitchen. You turned your attention back to the drunk bafoon you had the pleasure of babysitting tonight.

You caught him dancing embarrassingly bad and trying to lip sync to whatever hip hop song was playing.. you could only laugh as you walked over to him.

After pick pocketing his phone from his back pocket of his jeans, you quickly got you two a Uber to wherever the hell Michael was staying this time.

You could only hope it was another nice penthouse like how his one in L.A. was.

While holding his phone; you didn’t mean to snoop or go through anything execpt the Uber app (which you downloaded) but.. a message notification popped up.

A quick glance at Michael told you that he wasn’t paying attention, the dumbass was too drunk to even notice you took his phone in the first place.

You looked over back at his phone and first noticed the message was from Madison, and then you noticed what the message even was.. a photo. It looked to be a photo of.. oh my god.

Was that Madison? Was that a fucking nude? Your mouth opened and your shut his screen off, you immeaditly handed his phone back over to him which he reluctantly took with a confused puppy look.

By how Michael was talking ealier you thought that maybe he wanted to make mends but if he still had this kind of relationship with Madison, what did it even mean? What did any of this mean? You saw first hand though how in love he was with her. He wasn’t just going to break up with her, you should’ve known that.

You shook your head, atleast you knew you had a lot to think about tonight.

Taglist: @mindlesschicca @mina672 @guiltyfiend @michaellangdonstanaccount @9layerdevilsfoodcake

[ablackmoonrises]

Hogwarts for troubled youth Chapter 1, in which Moony can’t keep a Secret

[Posting here while I’m working on it, I won’t post to Ao3 before I’ve written a couple more chapters and so on] Remus has his DID under control. As long as it’s just him and Moony, they’ll manage, and the Wolf can howl all he wants, it won’t get to Anna.

Sirius knows a thing or two about gaps in memory, but when he falls for the easy-going Moony he’s not sure if he’s prepared to deal with Moony’s moody twin Remus, much less a little girl or a violently self-injurious Wolf.

Meanwhile James just wants to start his transition already, but the autism diagnosis that helped him finally make sense of who he is, now seems to prevent the one thing he wants more than even Lily’s attention: To get on Testosterone.

“I’m not Remus.” The words leave Moony’s mouth before they have a chance to get a hold of them. They tumble out of them, spilling all over the pretty new boy with the long black hair.

“Okay?” Sirius says, a question hidden in the confirmation, and Moony wants to punch themself hard. Instead they flash a bright smile at Sirius.

Moony would have been lying if they said they weren’t interested in the new boy. He was not the typical candidate for Hogwarts, rumour had it his parents were loaded and very much still alive. The pale dark-haired boy seemed intent to blend into the shadows, a silent observer with large grey eyes, following the comings and goings of other children from dark corners.

Moony would catch themself staring, losing track of James’ incessant blabbering, as the new boy – Sirius, Moony would remind themself – made his way to a new corner.

“Well you know..” Moony says, pulling back a bit. “I just like to be called Moony. Sometimes.”

Moony had come into existence again the night prior, casually opening his phone to check his conversation with Remus.

“We got to walk the dog with the new boy tomorrow”, it read, and Moony’s heart had started to race. “If I’m not there.. please don’t fuck it up. He seems cute.”

“That’s cool,” Sirius responds, tilting his head slightly as if trying to figure out why Moony is telling him this. Moony isn’t so sure either. They walk in silence, the big black dog panting at the end of its leash. Sirius’ hand is surprisingly steady as he’s pulled along.

“So… what’s the deal with this place?” Sirius asks finally, after an extended period of silence. “What do they do?”

Moony looks at Sirius and grins, a wicked smile replacing their calm exterior for a moment. “Well – it’s mostly a place to fatten up children before feeding us to the Witch,” they explain.

Sirius looks doubtful. “a Witch?” he asks, as if that’s the part that doesn’t make sense. Moony nods enthusiastically. “Yep! Well.. I believe her official title is doctor of psychology, but I call her the Witchdoctor.”

“And she’s going to eat us?” Sirius is somehow managing to lift one eyebrow, which is impressive and infuriatingly attractive.

“Yeah – just – gobble gobble. It’s a whole thing.” Moony shrugs. “She’s gonna spit ya out again, no worries, but each time she chews out another piece of your soul.”

“Well in that case I guess I won’t stay long, it’s not like I have a soul to begin with,” Sirius says with downcast eyes.

“Well aren’t you the cheerful one..” Moony comments, turning around to walk backwards while talking. “…Anyways, I’m sure you know what this place is on paper?” they ask, and almost trip over a bush. Maybe walking backwards isn’t as elegant a manoeuvre as they had hoped.

“It’s like.. a correctional facility?” Sirius says it like a question. “Like a mix of a boarding school and an orphanage..?”

“Ding ding ding!” Moony says cheerfully. “Less correctional facility, more treatment facility, I suppose?” Moony plasters a wide grin on his face, making sure to edge it far enough to be at least mildly unnerving. “In other words.. It’s a place for crazy people!”

“But I’m not crazy,” Sirius says, sounding surprisingly calm. Most people were more adamant when defending their sanity.

“Well that’s too bad..” Moony sighs. “You know what they say? All the best people are.”

“I’m not crazy…” Sirius repeats, and there’s that delicious level of desperate insecurity that makes Moony feel better about themself. “My family’s crazy though,” he says after a while. “And they’re not exactly good people.”

Moony doesn’t have a good comeback to that, partially because Wolf starts howling in his head, and partially because… well. Dude has a point.

They take the last of the round in silence, and Moony expects that to be the end of it. There’s a weird tension building in the air all the while, and Moony isn’t sure what to make of it. They hand the fluffy therapy dog back to Hagrid, and stand in the cold January weather for a moment, as if sizing each other up.

“…You don’t speak much do you?” Moony says finally, breaking the silence. Sirius shrugs.

“I speak when I have things to say.”

Fuck, this dude’s one-liner game is on point. Moony needs to get their head in the game.

“So… Guess I’ll go back to my room.” Moony says, and something flashes through Sirius’ eyes. The boy looks almost lost for a moment.

“Are you…” Moony begins, but stops themself. Sirius shakes his head, and Moony isn’t sure what they were asking or what Sirius is responding to at this point. This’ll be fun to analyse in the wee hours..

“So if you’re bored, you can come up.” Moony says, surprising even themself. Sirius’ eyes open a tad too much, before he schools his expression back into something more neutral.

“Sure.”

Moony shares their room with a depressed gremlin, a little girl and a rampaging Wolf. Usually they would have taken this under consideration and not have invited a total stranger, but apparently it’s just one of those days. And hey! Remus did tell Moony to be nice, or something to that effect.

To his credit, Sirius does not comment on the crayons littering the floor, nor the general state of disarray in Moony and Company’s room. Moony shoves some school papers off the bed, and gestures for Sirius to take a seat.

“So uh,, are you a tea drinker?” Moony asks lamely, feeling suddenly incredibly awkward about the presence of the posh boy in his crappy room.

“Why not,” Sirius answers fluidly, and god damn it, why is this motherfucker being so smooth all of a sudden? Moony nods and turns to the small kitchen in the other end of the room. They’re quiet while the water comes to a boil, partially because Moony honestly thinks there’s a special place in hell reserved for people who try to have conversation over the sound of a kettle. Like, who even does that?

As a result the silence is long and sticky, and Moony’s brain is working on overdrive. They can feel Sirius’ eyes on their back as they pour the water into two teacups. Moony takes a deep breath before turning around. They place the two cups on the bedside table, and stand awkwardly hovering for a moment, before slamming their ass down into the bed.

-say something- flashes through Moony’s mind. -you invited him here – say something –

Moony regrets not offering Sirius something stronger than tea, to loosen the mood, but then, they don’t want to risk getting in trouble. And who knows if they can trust this new boy yet.

“Why do you prefer Moony?” Sirius asks, slicing through the silence with precision. Moony startles. Damn, that’s right, he told Sirius that.

“I just.. sometimes Moony feels more right.” They say, it’s not a lie, not exactly. “I mean.. Moony is like..” they stop. “It’s just a joke since Remus Lupin sounds pretty fucking lunar, and I am a lunatic, so..” Moony laughs, half-lies flowing easily from their tongue. Okay, so Moony doesn’t usually go around claiming their own name, since everyone hear knows them all as Remus, but so what? No harm, no foul.

Moony is desperate to not be Remus.

“You keep referencing being insane,” Sirius says. “What’s that all about?”

Direct. Moony can appreciate that. But then, most people don’t ask and for a moment Moony is struggling.

“Oh you know.. the usual. When I was in the loony bin they called me loony loopy lupin, if that tells you anything..” they laugh. “You know, just… I have….” They stop, biting their lip for a second, feeling suddenly unsure how to proceed. Only James and some staff knows about their DID, and Remus is going to kill them all if Moony lets it slip to this practical stranger.

Maybe it’s Sirius’ calm inquisitory gaze. Maybe it’s the joint Moony smoked before going on their walk. Maybe … Just maybe.. Moony is getting pretty fucking tired of living the life of someone else.

“Okay so.. I basically have. Or I am. Yeah. I’m like…” Moony is aware they’re rambling, but they can’t stop themself. They’re starting to feel distant as the world starts to fade around them.

They come back to themself, realizing with horror that they’re still talking. “….so yea that’s like I’m the keykeeper and the princess is in the castle and Remus is the gate but he can’t open without the key and..” Moony stops abruptly, staring ahead of themself. “What?”

Sirius is looking somewhere between concerned and confused. Fuck. Moony hates when this happens. Also if they’re starting to black out, chances are Remus will be back soon, or worse, someone else. Time to get the witness out of there.

“…Right.” Sirius says, tilting his head. Moony hopes his darker skin-color hides his blush.

“So you said this princess is guarded by the big bad wolf,” Sirius says and Moony inwardly flinches as the Wolf starts clawing at its prison.  “But if the princess is guarded by a wolf, why do you need to have a key?”

“Uh…” Moony says, desperately trying to remember and make sense of whatever conversation they must have been having. After a moment they give up and let out a big sigh.

“Look mate,” Moony says. “This is gonna sound pretty fucking stupid, but if you wanna spend any amount of time with me you gotta know that I have an… incredibly shit memory.” They shrug in what they hope is a nonchalant manner. “I kind of blanked out on that whole conversation.. So your guess is as good as mine.”

Sirius nods thoughtfully. “Ok Moony,” he says. Then, terrifyingly, he adds: “How will I know when I meet Remus?” Moony’s eyes widen, and they almost drop the teacup they hadn’t been aware they were holding.

“Re-Remus..?” they ask. Fuck. They’ve really done it now. Moony is starting to sweat with panic. “I-I’m Remus..” The wolf is going to kill me – the wolf is going to kill me – the wolf is – no one can know – no one can know – our secret – our secret – secret – you are the gatekeeper; act it!

“Moony – “ Sirius is way too close now, he’s practically crowding them, and Moony wants to push him away but instead they just flinch and crawl awkwardly back unto the bed. The last of the tea drips into the sheets from the discarded cup.

- Anna stares at the stranger with the black hair and apologetic look on his face. She’s in a bed, something warm has soaked through her pants and the stranger is backing away, but she’s no fool and she’s going to scream bloody murder and –

Remus tends to blink into existence at the most inopportune moments. This time he comes to with a deep-seated sense of dread, like something is seriously wrong. For a moment he thinks he might be wrong. He’s just in bed, but it doesn’t take long for the unease to settle completely over him, as he recognizes the teacup bleeding into the bed. He looks up, and there, by the door, hangs a dark blue scarf. He’s seen this scarf before. It belongs to the cute new guy, Sirius. Remus pushes himself out of bed, his body is hurting in a dull ache that tells him Moony hasn’t been as careful with it as he ought to be. Not like Remus minds too much, the pain is just another reminder of his broken fucked up life.

Moony hasn’t left any notes, and Remus’ only clue is the blue scarf that hangs on the bed, and a low growl in his inner ear.

Whatever happened… the Wolf is not pleased.

[criminalhotch]

Soul Saver~ An Ethan Dolan AU

Summary: Y/N’s soul is damaged and she is troubled. She is alone so Soul Saver Ethan Dolan comes to mend her soul. The solution to their problem was bigger than both of them. It involved someone very close to Ethan.

Word Count: 2,140

Warnings: DEATH!!, descriptions of death (not gruesome), mentions of cancer (Sean), accident, shitty friends, sadness, depression symptoms, sad! grayson, guardian angel! ethan, guardian angel! sean

A/N: This story talks about Ethan “dying” but he’s still a key role in the fic. If this is going to trigger you or you think it might please don’t read it. However, this is a very interesting story if I do say so myself. It’s a very different and kind of spooky fic so I hope you guys like it. With that being said I very much love Ethan and I hope to god I die before either twin does. Sean is mentioned however is not a key role. Thank you to @dolandolll​ for reading it and making sure this wasn’t dumb. Another thank you to @dolandrabbles​ for not reading it but boosting my self-confidence by telling me she didn’t need to read it to know it’s good. I love you both sm. 

My parents practically hated me for going to school out of state, I had zero friends here and the ones I had back home could barely bother to respond to my texts. I had a job at the local bookstore but no one there had a personality and I was too shy to talk to anyone in my classes if I didn’t choose too. The only thing to keep me company was my cat, Spook. Spook was found on Halloween two years ago so that’s how he got his name. I found him in our backyard hiding in some bushes. He was only a few weeks old so my parents let me keep him. I now lived an insanely small apartment a half-mile from campus. I kind of regret it because I think this stupid apartment is haunted. I’ll hear weird noises or random things falling but I convince myself it is Spook being mischievous but here recently I hear these things when Spook is right next to me so I know it’s not him. I truly don’t think Spook and I are alone in this apartment.

One day after my chem lecture I come home to a note on the fridge, “I’m not here to hurt you”. “Is someone in here?” I ask no one in particular. Nothing.”Come out here or I’m calling the police” I yelled. Again nothing. I realized maybe it’s a spirit. “Alright fine, give me a sign if there is,” I said out loud. A few seconds later a box of cereal is knocked off the counter but Spook is asleep in his bed. “Why are you here?” I asked. A few seconds pass before I see a transparent being in front of me. “I’m your spirit guardian angel,” he says. “I’m not here to hurt you or even scare you. I’m here to help. You’re troubled and I’m here to help your troubles” he explained. “Are you a ghost?” I asked. “A friendly spirit more like. I’m kind of like Caspar but I still have my human form I’m just transparent” this creature explains. “Alright Caspar, so what’s your name?” I ask. “Ethan” he states. “Ok, Ethan well I’m” “Y/N, I know. I’ve been here for a while. I was assigned to you a month after you moved into this place” he explained. “Assigned to me?” I asked. “Those that had a passion for helping others while they are alive get the opportunity to be a Soul Saver. We find lost or troubled souls and help them get to a good place in life” he explains. “I don’t need your charity Ethan” I chastised. “Look, Y/N, you and I both know you don’t have any friends and I’m not really here so let’s be honest with each other. No one can see me but you so no one needs to know about me. We talk, you grow from this, then I move on to my next soul” he responded. “What if I don’t want to save my soul?” I asked. “Then I’ll leave” he replied. There was a moment of silence. “Do you want me to leave?” he asked. “I suppose not” I answered. “Good, so tell me about yourself,” Ethan said. I spent the next couple minutes telling him things about me somethings were on my “file” but other things he was intrigued to know.

“What about you?  Who were you when you still roamed the Earth?” I asked. “I have a twin, his name is Grayson. He was my best friend. I’m lost without him sometimes. It’s why I do this to keep me busy or I’d go crazy. There’s my sister, Cameron and my ma, her name is Lisa. I never had any real pets other than birds because Gray was allergic but Spook and I have become well acquainted while you’re at school or work. Grayson and I were YouTubers, the Dolan Twins. Our fans were pretty fucking awesome, for the most part anyway. I had a pretty amazing life on Earth” he said. “Have you ever been a soul saver for a fan of yours?” I asked. “I get assigned to them, yes but once I figure out they are a fan I remove myself so they can get assigned someone else. The last thing Grayson needs is a crazy fan talking about how she talks to the dead Ethan Dolan” he explains. “Ethan?” I asked. “Yeah?” “What happened to you?” I asked. “It was a freak four-wheeler accident. I was home in New Jersey visiting when I turned too quickly in the woods and hit a tree headfirst. Grayson was riding around with me too and he found me. I was breathing but I wasn’t conscious. I remember seeing black and I could hear him talking to me but it was faint. I know Grayson though and he was definitely screaming. I had on a helmet but there was too much bleeding. I was brain dead. I was taken off life support which is what I truly wanted. Nothing about me was lifeless and now I’m here” he explained. “Oh god, your poor parents” I gasped. “ It was just my mom, my dad was the first person I saw when I crossed over. He was waiting here for me with open arms. It’s an experience I can’t put into words. I didn’t want to leave my mom, Grayson, and Cameron but seeing my dad for the first time since I was 19 was something I’ll never forget. He’s a soul saver too” Ethan explained. “You lost your dad at 19?” I asked. “He had cancer,” he said softly. “I’m so sorry, E. Can I call you that?” I asked. “Yeah, I’d like that. Gray always called me that and I haven’t heard it in a while” he admitted. “Do you go check on your family? Like can you do that?” I asked. “Yeah, we can do that. My dad and I visit them at least once a day” he admitted. “How are they doing?” I asked. “Grayson’s lost. He doesn’t know who he is without me. Cameron’s doing the best. My mom, she struggles really hard some days. I wish I could hug her one last time. My dad and I both do.” he sighed. “Your family seems amazing”. Before I knew it tears were streaming down my face. “Hey, what’s wrong?” he asked. “You’re so young and you were so loved. Why did you have to die? Your poor mom. Your family needed you especially after losing your dad” I sobbed. “It’s ok, Y/N. We all have a plan and that was mine even if I didn’t know it. Do you want to go see them with me?” he asked. “I’d like that” I sniffled.

Before I knew it we were standing outside his family home in the countryside of New Jersey looking in. Grayson was eating avocado toast but he only had taken a bite or two. He was off into space. “Grayson’s not eating” I commented. “He’s a light eater anymore. He barely eats, he doesn’t work out.I’m so worried but there’s nothing I can do” he tapered off. Lisa was drinking coffee in the kitchen and feeding Gizmo, their bird. Cameron was getting ready to go somewhere as she had her coat and gloves on. All of a sudden I heard sobbing as I look around I realize that it’s Grayson. “I miss him ma, I miss my other goop. He was my best friend. We did everything together. I’m so alone without him. I’m so lost. I don’t know who I am without Ethan. I’m no one without him. We were the Dolan Twins and now I’m just Grayson” he sobbed into his mom’s chest. “I know baby, I miss Ethan too but you two will always be the Dolan Twins. He’s not alone though Grayson. He’s got your dad beside him now remember?” Lisa reminded him. “Ethan, can you be Grayson’s soul saver?” I asked pulling us out of the gut-wrenching scene in front of us. “Only if his soul needs saving,” Ethan said. “Look at him, E. He has no soul because he lost it when you died. He has no light in his eyes. They are dull. His body is slow and deliberate. You are his soul. He needs you” I explained. “I never thought about it like that. I never knew what to do” he replied. “Go save your brother and come back to me when you’re done,” I told him. “I’m assigned to you though. If Grayson doesn’t have a file then I can’t just save him” he explains. “Ethan there’s got to be something,” I said. “Wait, what if the reason I’m your soul saver is to bring you to Grayson?” he asks. “I don’t even know Grayson” I answered. “You both have something in common though,” he said and I gave him a puzzling look. “You both need a little soul-saving,”.

-----

I’m not sure what it was exactly but I felt my eyes jolt open. Was I dreaming? Was it a nightmare? I don’t know but either way, I had an overwhelming need for coffee. Maybe I just needed some fresh air. I went to the campus Starbucks and ordered my drink. Shortly I heard my name being called so I walked over to the counter to grab my drink and as I did someone bumped into me causing me to drop my freshly made drink. “I’m so sorry,” the voice said. The person looked almost in tears. I had never seen him on campus before but he seemed familiar in a way that I couldn’t quite put my finger on. “It’s ok, you didn’t mean to. I’m Y/N” I said. “I’m-” “Grayson” I interrupted him as it all came to me. “How did you know my name?” he asked. “This is going to sound crazy but I know your brother,” I said. “Ethan? He’s dead” he whispered bitterly. “I know, listen to me. I just had a dream or something along those lines. Your brother is my soul saver. It’s kind of like a guardian angel thing and I think he brought me to you” I said. “That’s not funny. That isn’t something to joke about. I don’t even know you” he said defensively. “Grayson, listen to me. An hour ago you were crying to your mom about how you missed your other goop. Ethan showed me. We were there. I’m not messing with you. You’re broken. Your brother is a soul saver. He cares for real people whose souls are damaged. I’m alone and I have no one. He was there for me. He was telling me about your family so we “visited” so to speak. I saw you crying and told him that you needed someone. He couldn’t be your soul saver because your soul was gone. It died alongside Ethan. I’m here to help you” I explained. “Can you see him?” he asked. “I could, I don’t know if I can anymore” I explained. “He loves you though, I know that. He told me about your dad. He’s a soul saver too Grayson. They’re doing well on the other side” I explained. “Can I buy you another drink and we talk some more?” Grayson asked tears threatening to spill out of hazel colored eyes. Even though there was color in them there was no light or life past those irises. “I’d love that”. I smiled. “You were at my house?” Gray asked. “We stood outside. We could see and hear everything inside. It broke my heart watching you breakdown to your mom” I said. “I miss him, Y/N” he whimpered.

I quickly figured out I can only see or talk to Ethan when no one else is around. He comes around to check on Grayson and his mom every once in a while. Grayson and I had coffee dates two to three times a week for the next month or two. I think he was starting to find light in the world again. “Grayson’s doing good, E,” I said. “I know, thanks to you,” he said. Then there was a pause. “You’re doing good too, Y/N which means I can’t be your soul saver anymore,” he said. “But what about Grayson?” I asked. “You are his Earthly soul saver and he is yours. I realize now my job was just to bring you to each other. It’s obvious to me that you two are soul mate so please take care of him. It’s your job now. You know dad and I will be around, Y/N. I’ve done your soul-saving. It’s time you guys really kick things into gear and do some soul searching” he said. Then just like that my soul saver vanished right in front of my eyes.

​

[fly-underground]

six hundred and seventy five: 2019

The annual year in review entry. I’ve written this post nine times, one for every year of this decade. I reread the very first one, from 2010, aloud to my mother the other night. My writer’s voice is so chipper in it, so young. I had just started college. In so many ways, I had barely lived. I was about to list off all the things I hadn’t yet done, as an explanation. But the truth is, even now, having done at least a few of those things, I still have barely lived. I want to remember that, to bottle up that feeling of wistfulness for a younger self, that protective inclination to wait for things to get better and worse, because I know I still need it. There is still so much I haven’t done, so much I want to do. Ways to spend the next few decades, if I’m lucky enough to have them.

Last year at this time, I think I was home alone with Cory. I can’t remember it perfectly. The past few years have blurred together in that regard. Was this the year that Mariah Carey sang badly during Dick Clark’s Rockin’ Eve? I’ll look it up after I write this. The point is, I welcomed in the new year alone, but not really, and then received a flurry of text messages from my mother and brother and so many friends. January passed in New York for the most part. I went to my favorite bar every week, first with Liz and then with Vivian. I got bad news one night about a fellowship and the next night, I found out that my fellowship paper was selected for an academic conference. I felt like Even Steven, losing one thing, gaining another. By the time I made it back to Boston, for the spring semester, it was the end of the month. That last week became so important, especially in retrospect. I met a man from the past in one of my classes, someone I knew vaguely from my time at Swarthmore. February was about him. And so was March and April and May.

I used to keep details off my blog, because I was afraid of people reading and piecing together the truth. I wanted to be polite and coy. Now, I guess I don’t really know who is still reading this. And maybe I also don’t care. If you know me, really know me, you know what happened. If you don’t, well: in February, this blast from the past man sent me an email about coffee. I said yes and we spent hours together, walking around Cambridge, the pink sky of the new moon above our heads. Then he asked me to go to the Arnold Arboretum. We never went. Instead, we talked for hours in another coffee shop. Uncharacteristically, I asked to see his place and after I met his roommates, in-between bites of fig newtons, he leaned over and whispered: Can I kiss you? His tongue slipped into my mouth in the darkness of his living room. He kissed me again on his doorstep and my head spun on the lyft ride home. I threw up hours two hours later, from the hunger induced migraine. I didn’t eat at all that day, except for the cookies in his house and the lettuce wrapped in turkey at midnight in my bed. Of course I threw up. The next week, we went out again. Later, in my bed, wrapped up in his wiry, tattooed arms, I was just happy. That was when he told me, that he’s an alcoholic and an addict. It should have changed something for me, it should have set off an alarm. It didn’t.

Four days later, he relapsed. He had cancelled and then un-cancelled our date. I met him at a Starbucks and on the T back to his place, our legs touched. I felt bad, terrible in a way that I couldn’t name. We watched some Netflix original reality show and then, in his bed, we had sex. We kissed. He told me about his history of self harm and severe mental illness. I talked about my own trauma. It was not a good date. I couldn’t sleep after. In the morning, after he made me eggs and I realized he would not be going to his next AA meeting, I asked, trying not to cry, Will I see you again? He said of course, and then he backed me into a wall and kissed me with a boyish glee. I felt relieved and stupid. Three days later, he told me he couldn’t make it to my place for dinner. He said that he felt like he had encountered me in the wrong moment of his life, that he couldn’t stop drinking, that he was checking himself into a facility, that I meant something to him. I cried that whole weekend. I barely ate. No one could help me.

It was like this for months. Every interaction between us charmed and hurt me. When he was doing well, I was joyous. Otherwise, I was miserable. I skipped meals. I had nightmares. I cried alone in my room, on walks around campus. I lost weight and inches. I felt like I was dying. Somehow, in that strange internal darkness, I realized I was not okay. I wanted to be okay, more than anything. I felt bad all the time and I was tired of feeling bad. In April, I started seeing a therapist. In May, I started seeing a nutritionist.  I went to a support group meeting and read literature about codependency. I felt like it was my fault, my emotions, my own shit. I called my mother and Vivian and Michael. I was defensive about this guy. Addiction is a disease, an addict is not a Bad Person, but he can be a deeply troubled person. 

And then, after all of that, one day in May, he told me that he had gotten involved with someone. It was the way he said it. Two weeks before, in his bed, he had asked if he could undress me. I told him then, sitting outside the Harvard Square T stop, that he was a coward. He flinched, like I hit him. I said, I thought I loved you, but you aren’t who I thought you were. I guess, I didn’t really love you then. I also said, I’m sorry if that hurt you, I don’t mean to hurt you. And he told me, his eyes glassy, that I meant something to him. Of course, I knew that. Of course, it didn’t matter.

I skipped some stuff, or I made it seem small. In May, when I went to that support group meeting, I actually spoke in the group. I said, Every day I feel this intense pressure to try my best. I want to be kind and generous and patient and brave and good. But it’s so much work, being that way. Sometimes, I can’t do it. Sometimes, I just don’t have it in me. On those days, I want to give myself permission, to simply try. On those days, “best” is not the goal. The goal is to keep at it, whatever it is. So, I went to classes and socialized and asked for help. I told my therapist in April, that coming to therapy meant that I wasn’t hopeless, that I hadn’t given up on myself. In March, I presented my paper at an academic conference, as a single author. I was also on a poetry panel with Trista, Amanda, Cyrus, and Iain. How insane to be there with them, to be included in a family of poets.

In June, the man disappeared, moved away without a real goodbye. At the time, I was devastated. I can’t describe the feeling of abandonment, but I thought: love is not for me. I thought it through June and July. I went out with a series of inconsequential men. There’s a photo I saved on my phone, after one of those dates. He wasn’t a bad guy, just boring, just rude. I came home and cried until my mascara had spread across my face. I went back to New York in July, and in between visiting with friends and volunteering at camp, I had a hilarious summer fling, not a story just something for friends to gossip about. Even then, I was lonely. I didn’t run away from it, though. I recognized it. I thought, I should keep trying. Maybe I would find a good thing.

August had me dog-sitting and transliterating Sanskrit books and gearing up for the final year of my master’s degree and looking into various doctoral programs. It was also when I went on a first date with this handsome, funny, smart, and unbelievably kind man, who would eventually become my boyfriend— how weird that word looks here, how funny that it means something to me after all these years. It has felt like emotional whiplash, this year, loving two men. Looking back, it should be easy to say oh that wasn’t really love. But that’s not true. I loved two people this year, just so differently. If the first love made me nervous, the second makes me calm. I was on a bus back to Boston after Thanksgiving and the traffic was terrible and I felt an ugly irritation bubble inside me because of my seat neighbor. I thought about my boyfriend then, his easy smile, how he rubs my back when I cough. What a small thing, but I felt lighter just thinking about it. It sounds silly and cheesy, I know. But I don’t want to belittle it, not here. I don’t think I have ever really felt so good to be with someone before. It is so new to me, this joy, this stability. I don’t want to take it for granted.

I wrote in my journal a few days ago, that I’m not sure if this relationship is good because he is so good, or because I have done the work of trying to lead a healthier life. Is this just a byproduct of one or the other? Or, as Liz says, is this what happens when two Virgos come together? I don’t know, I loved a Virgo once before, and I don’t remember ever feeling this light. This is different. He is different.

In September, I went to Denmark for my ten year reunion camp reunion. I started this blog right after that iconic summer, 16 and strangely tan from all that northern sun. From October through December, I applied to doctoral programs. Yes, again. We’ll see what happens. For the first time, I don’t really know what I want in my future, but I’m trying to trust in the universe to guide me there. I know I want love. It’s hard for me to admit that. I used to scorn women who named that in their list of goals, but it’s important, as important as everything else. I want to feel close to someone. I want a life of meaning, even if it just means something to me. I want to write. I hate that I ever stopped doing that. I feel sometimes like I have wasted my potential there, in writing professionally. I hope that’s not true. I am not ready to give this up, this dream that could still turn into something.

Something that I said a lot this year: whatever happens, I’ll be okay. During a depressive episode a few weeks ago, I thought I was losing everyone in my life, that everyone secretly hated me. What I told myself then, was not that I was crazy or wrong, but that I could deal with it. It’s true. If that happened, I could deal with it. But I hate that response. I wish I fought more. I wish I didn’t turn over so easily. Not that I think I could change someone’s mind. But I wish I didn’t just accept the worst case scenario. Anyway, maybe it’s strange even to debate this. The truth is so far from the worst case scenario. In fact, right now the truth is I am so fucking lucky. Ten years ago, I was just a high school student whining on the internet. Today, I am a Harvard graduate student; I am an author; I have a publication list that makes professors raise their eyebrows; people care about what I write and think; there are people who love me, really love me; I am healthier and happier than I ever thought I deserved to be. I worked for this. I earned it. I didn’t give up on me.

I can’t predict anything about the future. I’m always so hilariously wrong. Mostly I hope I never stop trying. 2020 still sounds like a fiction, but it’s real, it’s happening, it’s here. It’s funny, I only ever feel that surprised by joy. I hope that never changes.

[side-effect-of-the-meds]

I have a very specific idea for an Andriel au but I'm too lazy to write it. Instead I'mma just dump it on here and come back to it later.

So.... Fem!Andreil

Neil 'Nathaniel' Josten -> Ania 'Nathania' Josten

Andrew Minyard -> Erin Minyard bc it sounds like Aaron

It's rare for Mary to leave Nathania on her on for long but once when she's about fifteen/sixteen she lets her walk home from school.

Some dudes manage to grab her on the way home. She's held down by three while the other one starts touching her. She's screaming and kicking and fighting but it's useless. She's built small and doesn't actually know how to fight.

Mary is concerned when Nathania doesn't come home so she sets out to find her and finds her baby in the middle of it all.

Needless to say she castrated all four of them and now the only ones they're sleeping with is the fishes

Anyways, her mom refuses to leave her side unless Nathania is at school

The last thing her mom says to her is "-ania" so she takes it as her name.

She moves out to Millport and she's just so dead. Depression hits my bby hard. Exy is the only thing that gives her life meaning.

The captain is a little *ssh*l*

He sees her and he sees how weak she is off the court and how broken she is.

He follows her one day and makes unsuccessful advances on her.

When she rejects him, he takes what he wants.

Ania's flashbacks hit hard and she lets it happen bc dissociation

Hernadez walks in on it one time and is about to get mad for not getting a room but he sees Ania's eyes and knows exactly what's happening.

The captain is kicked off the team and expelled. They can't prosecute bc Ania wont testify.

All of this plus seeing the scars on her when he caught the captain in the act is the reason Hernandez calles Wymack.

Most of the rest of the story is the same but sub in Erin.

Oh, Erin. I'm in love with her

Erin is equally as bad as Andrew but she gets a lot more shit about it bc she's a girl and somehow stereotypes for female sociopaths are worse by a lot. This one isnt even me playing up the drama. It's bad irl

So u know Erin smacks Ania with the racquet. Ania has massive panic attacks bc Wymack and Kevin are very big men and she's on her knees with no escape. Erin picks up on it and makes sure she keeps the men away. She doesn't know Ania but she's heard about the incident with the captain. She'll be damned if she lets anything happen to this girl.

She kicks the men out and faces Ania on her own. She forces herself to think as clearly as she can through the drugged haze and essentially tells Ania that she'll always be no one and nothing, but at least she can be a nothing that plays exy. Erin hates exy but she can tell exy is the only thing this girl wants and this girl is insanely pretty. Erin wants her. She knows she probably can't have her, but she'll make a good toy for the summer. She makes herself promise not to break her too early bc then she wouldn't have anything for the rest of the year. The truth is she's just so smitten by the new girl who just mouthed off to Wymack and, deep down, Erin knows that no amount of drugs is going to stop her from missing that pretty face and dirty mouth.

So she lets Ania sign the contract. They don't get to pull the twin thing because Erin and Aaron are fraternal twins you can't be different genders and be identical but they look exactly the same. Instead, both twins go to pick her up and Erin fakes her high. Ania sees through it because she notices Ania's obvious annoyance at her brother and anger at Nicky for doing something dumb.

Summer goes on the way it does in the book, but drying with Wymack is really hard for Ania. She minimizes her time in his house bc he's big and muscly and covered in tattoos and it just doesn't sit well with her. Wymack tries to make himself small around her and he's never raised a hand at her. He just keeps out of her way.

Ania meets the Foxes and nearly dies when she meets Matt. He'd just so tall. She realizes that he's just a puppy soon enough but her guard is always up around Seth. He's mean and she doesn't like the way he looks at her. Erin only ever intervenes in matters when it's Seth coming at her. She assumed that after a few failed attempts Seth would back off. He doesn't tho so Erin ends up being to teach him a lesson.

Also Erin doesn't drug her. Drugging is something Erin has experienced. Unlike with Matt, she's not going to force Ania to potentially relive this particular trauma. She gets her drunk tho with similar effects

So yeah. Story goes on. Drake happens but he's still a guy.

It causes a lot of problems for Erin in a different way. I feel like Andrew has trouble with his sexuality bc he wonders if his upbringing 'turned' him gay, but Erin wonders the same. Is she gay bc of how men have treated her? She tired to shove those thoughts down but they keep coming back.

She gets sent to therapy. Proust happens.

And then Fem!Riko happens Riko is a female name so I'm keeping it

When Riko threatens Erin, Ania throws hands. She agrees to go to evermore the way Neil does only a much worse fate awaits her

Riko keeps her in the same bedroom as her and will handcuff her to the bed. She uses Ania to get off + cuts her up

Jean knew about the knives but not the rape.

When he finds out, he actually grows a spine and intervenes.

He's punished severely for it, but Riko lets up on Ania.

She comes home only to find out about Proust and she's mad. Ania took all of Riko' s treatment bc she assumed it meant that Erin would be spared the same thing. Instead they were both forced to relive their old trauma and got a new one too.

The "Doesnt mean I wouldn't blow you" scene is a thing but it's 'Doesn't mean I wouldn't eat you out".

They're on the roof during Ania's panic attack.

Erin grabs her face and pulls her close til their foreheads are touching and they sit there staring into each other's eyes. It settles something deep inside Ania and she finally calms down enough to stop crying.

When she does, she asks Erin how she can still have sex after everything

Erin just stares off into the distance bc honestly? She asks herself the same question all the time. She asks Ania if she ever touches herself and Ania says that there are times shes wanted to but she never tried bc she's afraid

Erin explains that if Ania wants to get better, she has to first let herself want. Only then could she ever start to heal.

Ania looks at her like she's crazy but the next time Ania is in the mood she accepts it. She tried for the first time and she focuses incredibly hard on the sound of Erin' s voice bc it keeps all her monsters at bay.

In the short time leading up to Baltimore, Erin teaches Ania to let go of the past and to want things for herself.

Erin preaches a lot of self love to Ania in that time. It always comes off kind of harsh bc it's Erin' s nature, but Ania knows what she means. She understands. Despite how much Erin preaches, she still has a hard time loving/caring about herself. She does all the exercises like standing in front of the mirror and telling herself she's good and taking time off to rest and just self care things, but she's been playing up the monster act for a long time. She doesn't have the outside validation she needs to get herself together. Ania sees this and she starts telling Erin how proud she is of her and how great she is. They aren't just throw away remarks either. Like, she knows not to overdo it, but she starts giving Erin the positive influence she needs.

The rooftop scenes after midnight practice with Kev are still a thing, however, Ania and Erin have also been sharing a room since their return from Easthaven and Evermore. They just do it I'm the roof so no one hears them. Ania always gets sent down first while Erin takes care of herself. She showers before Erin returns, but when she hears the locks click open she always gives Erin a bright smile. Erin just looks at her with empty eyes.

Erin herself is not empty. Ania's been getting to her. Everytime Ania thanks her for something or compliments her it sends a jolt through her body. She always feels a little high for a few hours after Ania's words. She wants to show Ania how much she's worth. She wants to give her everything in the world. Ania doesn't deserve all the things she's faced and it hurts Erin so much to know that she's faced them anyways. Erin is in love with Ania and she knows it. She's not even denying it to herself anymore. But Erin believes that once Ania gets better, she'll move on. She believes that she's just a phase and once Ania's better, she'll finally get to be court and get what she deserves. Erin is absolutely convinced that Ania will marry Kevin and ask her to be the maid of honor. Erin has made up her mind that she'll do it even if it kills her. Of course all of this is just the musings of Erin when she's alone in her car. None of this happens.

Erin really doesn't want Ania to leave her and she's starting to have trouble keeping all the emotion down. The only bits of open affection she shows are when Ania is coming down from her climax. Erin will trace patterns over Ania's ruined skin and press soft kisses to her scars. She's imagined herself telling Ania that she loves her a thousand times, but she can never bring herself to do it. Instead she tries to press every ounce of her love into those kisses and hopes Ania will one day understand.

The other little piece of affection she shows is when she comes back to the dorms at night. Ania is usually sitting on her bed drying her hair. Erin always takes the towel and scrubs Ania's hair for her. She blowdries it and then she carefully does them into a pair of boxer braids. She makes Ania sit in a stool in front of the mirror in their bathroom while she does it because she likes to watch Ania's expression she really likes having her hair played with so braiding works out well for her

Then Baltimore is a thing aamd it goes down exactly as it does in the books

She comes home from it all and sees her Foxes

And then there's Erin. Erin was in pieces after she found out the truth from Kevin. She didn't cry in front of the Foxes but as soon as she'd punched a few walls and kicked a few things, she collapses away from them. Wymack is there for this and for once in her life, Erin lets a man touch her. He pulls her into his arms and she sits there and she sobs hysterically. Wymack had always known what was up. Erin had spent the last year showing up drunk at his house and ranting and raving about Ania to no end. He'd pieced it all together far too quickly for Erin' s comfort but he's always seem through her facade before. Of course he did then too. It takes her a long time to calm down and when she does she shows out of his arms n is pacing the room angrily bc there's nothing else to do now other than wait.

Then there's spring break and it happens the same as the books

The rest of the book is the same honestly, but you see Erin learn to love herself and Ania learn to accept wanting things like sex and cuddles and physical contact in general. They both learn to believe that they deserve love from their new families and that they deserve each other.

[forehead-enthusiast]

A Buncha Tag Games (and yet not all of them)

tagged by: @eggyukhei mwah

tagging: this is a LOT of games so i’ll only tag @atinyphobe @nsheetee and @veonjun for the SECOND (2nd) game. if they or anybody wants to do any of the other games, absolutely go for it and say i tagged you <3 i’d love to see what you guys say!! (also, tk if you felt like you wanted to answer my questions from the second game i’d be interested to see!)

One:

tell me the first song that made you stan your current fave group and why did your faves attract you so much?

ok SO the song that probably got me into rv 100% (also yes ik this blog is 99% nct but rv is my forever fave no question) was probably ice cream cake!! i had been a casual listener of many groups up until that point and had never really stanned anyone, but icc was so infectious i found myself watching it over and over. i had heard happiness and be natural before but hadn’t really listened too closely, so icc was the song that captured me. after that, dumb dumb only cemented my love for them more, and the red is still one of my favorite kpop albums to date. rv attracted me primarily because of their incredible vocals and their versatility in genres and concepts. i still get so excited wondering what they’ll tackle next!! they’re just soooo unique and have one of, if not the best discographies of any group. i cannot stress enough, I. Love. RV!! also they’re funny and gay so. anyway stream monster once it drops uwu

Two:

rule: answer the ten questions and write your own!

1. what is your favorite song that’s been released during quarantine? ooooo honestly??? probably something off of Sawayama. literally every song bangs so hard i highly recommend that album to anyone!! i can’t pick a favorite off it but who’s gonna save you now is awesome and xs is just,,, chef’s kiss

2. what is your greatest mishap when you tried cooking? (or something you’ve witnessed) one time, while making soup at my late grandmother’s house on her like gas stove, i put a lid on a pot and somehow that led the pot to be engulfed in flames. IN MY DEFENSE i was like 7, and i’m great at cooking/baking now

3. what’s your go-to outfit or article of clothing? oh i love a nice dress. they can be casual or formal, and you look like you put effort into your outfit except i didn’t because i didn’t have to match anything yo!!!! also shorts have trouble fitting me cause i’m a weird body type so dresses tend to be very comfy for me

4. what is your comfort food? am i allowed to say like all food??? eating in itself is comforting,,, that sounds depressing but also i just like eating yummy food. i guess i’d say like my dad’s fried rice?? its my fave and no one makes it like him soooo

5. what singular moment in your life would you like to relive? i couldn’t tell if this meant like, a good moment you want to re-experience or go back in time and redo a moment and fix it. it’s kind of a hard question so i might cop out and go with a bit of a silly answer: i want to relive the hi touch with astro...... i wanna look at rocky’s beautiful eyes and touch moonbin’s hand ok,,,,

6. what is your favorite line and/or character from a movie, show, or book? i got a bunch but a few off the top of my head are genie lo (the epic crush of genie lo), ty lee, suki (atla), klaus, and ben (umbrella academy) 

7. if you could only choose one ice cream flavor and pizza topping/style for the rest of your life, what would it be? ice cream flavor: this very specific one from a local store that is banana ice cream with strawberries and oreo mixed in. it is heaaaavenly. as for pizza topping, i love a breakfast type pizza with an egg on top and like sausage and stuff!!!

8. what is the worst injury you’ve ever had or witnessed? funny enough, i’ve actually gotten badly injured quite a few times, and always on the face!! god hates me. the worst was probably when i hit a metal bench with my face and it took a chunk out of my cheek. i still have the scar! as for “witnessed” i accidentally broke a grown man’s rib once as a child, so i guess that would count.

9. would you rather explore the unknown of space or the bottom of the ocean? oceaaaan!! i answered this in some other game, but i like how mysterious and yet close the ocean is. like proximity wise it’s so near, yet there’s an insane amount we know nothing about. that’s so frightening but so intriguing

10. if you could be any cartoon character, who would you be? my first thought was literally “kirby. eat fast” GOD my followers are gonna think i’m just a glutton and they’re not even gonna be wrong im dying. but uhh idk mulan or smth?

my questions:

what is your go-to feel good movie?

are you the type of person who’s indecisive about buying, or the type to impulse buy once you see something you like?

do you prefer chocolate-y or fruity candy?

what idol do you think is most similar to you? (not your bias necessarily)

do you have any silly dealbreakers? if so, what are they?

what do you do to unwind?

what is a small thing you like to do for people you love? (be it sending memes, remembering their favorite shows, etc)

what’s/who’s your favorite myth/mythological being?

what is a non-typical pet you would want to have?

do you say pronounce data as day-ta or dah-ta?

THREE

rule: bold the statements that apply to you, italicize your aspirations, then tag nine people. 

AIR ༉⋆͙̈

i have small hands / i love the night sky / i watch animals and birds when i pass them by / i drink herbal tea / i wake to see the dawn / the smell of dust is comforting / i’m valued for being wise / i prefer books to music / i meditate / i find joy in learning new truths from the world around me

FIRE ༉⋆͙̈

i don’t have straight hair / i like to wear ripped jeans and overalls / i play an organized sport / i love dogs / i am not afraid of adventure / i love to talk to strangers / i always try new foods / i enjoy road trips / summer is my favorite season / my radio is always playing

WATER ༉⋆͙̈

i wear bracelets on my wrists / i love the bustle of the city / i have more than one set of piercings / i read poetry / i love the sound of a thunderstorm / i want to travel the world / i sleep past midday most days / i love simply lit dinners and fluorescent signs / i rewatch kids shows out of nostalgia / i see emotions in colors not words

EARTH ༉⋆͙̈

i wear glasses or contacts / i enjoy doing the laundry / i am a vegetarian or vegan / i have an excellent sense of time / my humor is very cheerful / i am a valued advisor to my friends / i believe in true love / i love this chill of mountain air / i’m always listening to music / i am highly trusted by the people in my life

AETHER ༉⋆͙̈

i go without makeup in my daily life / i make my own artwork / i keep on track of my tasks and time / i always know true north / i see beauty in everything / i can always smell flowers / i smile at everyone i pass by / i always fear history repeating itself / i have recovered from a mental disorder / i can love unconditionally

FOUR

the ultimate tag: answer whichever ones you want to because there are a lot and then tag a few blogs you’d like to get to know better! 

PERSONAL

name: sarah

nickname: bells

birthday: april 17th

zodiac: aries

nationality: chinese american

languages: english, some spanish, some korean

gender: female

sexuality: baby bi bi bi~

height: 5′10

BLOG STUFF

inspiration for muse: i suppose nct since i write for them the most?? but i feel like sometimes i come up with the idea before i think of a member so sometimes the muse is just my own fantasies oops

meaning behind my url: i made it at a time where loads of idols were getting bangs and honestly i believe most of them look infinitely better without them, thus i was and still am enthusiastic about foreheads.

blog established: like winter of 2018...?? i think

followers: over 2.5k but most deactivated/left during my hiatus lol

FAVORITES

favourite animals: sharks, chickens, snakes, cats, penguins

favourite books: the epic crush of genie lo and then iron will of genie lo, PERIOD

favourite colour: pink and purple!!

favourite fictional characters: lol, again, genie lo, ty lee, suki, klaus, ben, and just a few more: richard and evelyn o’connell (the mummy), dave (dave), michael (the good place)

favourite flower: sunflower

favourite scent: baking chocolate, heating butter, blackberry, wisteria

favourite season: probably spring! i like warmth but not HEAT

RANDOM

average hours of sleep: ugh idek i sleep horribly

cats or dogs: both, but unfortunately i’ve never had either

coffee, tea or hot chocolate: tea but then hot chocolate

current time: 5:29pm

dream trip: go to paris and eat loads of pastries and enjoy the fashions and beauty of the city, and also learn to bake better maybe?

dream job: actress

hobbies: making jewelry, drawing, singing, reading comics

hogwarts house: according to the quizzes, all of them. people who have just met me think slytherin or gryffindor, people who i’m friends with think ravenclaw or hufflepuff, people who know me really well know you can’t box a person into oversimplified archetypes :’) in my assessment of myself, it varies by the day, but i think perhaps gryffindor today?

last movie watched: hot fuzz (a classic)

last song listened to: summer breeze by sf9

no. of blankets you sleep with: like 2

random fact(s): i won lego building competitions as a child, one of my dream roles is anastasia from the musical named after her, i played violin for a very short time, i bake the cakes for all my family and friends’ birthdays, i have strangely strong grip strength

SIX

10 songs i can’t stop listening to:

love me 4 me- rina sawayama

cherry- rina sawayama

in & out- red velvet

crush culture- conan gray

manic- conan gray

the king- conan gray

summer- pentagon

told you now- jeremy jordan (originally sung by sam smith)

fuck this world (interlude)- rina sawayama

someone who loves me- sara bareilles

[thorne93]

Stan Lee University (Part 11)

Prompt: What would the Avengers be like in college, more importantly, what would they be like if Y/N existed around them?

Word Count: 3175

Warnings: drama, language, betrayal, violence

Notes: This is based on a HC from @carryonmyswansong. They helped brainstorm and write part of this series. In this AU, no one will have powers, everyone is a normal human. Beta’d by @carryonmyswansong​

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Monday, on an early October morning, you were back in physics lab. You could hardly bare to even look at Stephen. He probably heard of your shitty decision and judged you for it. Who wouldn’t? He said the guy was trouble, and you didn’t pay any attention to it.

Stephen and you worked quietly, only speaking when you had to. At one point, you got up to swap out some supplies, and he saw his chance. He leaned over the table quickly and caught Tony and Bruce’s attention.

“Hey, what’s up with Y/N?” he asked, gesturing with his head toward you.

“You haven’t heard?” Bruce questioned.

“If I had, would I be asking?” Stephen shot.

“Y/N got scammed, okay?” Tony said, leaning forward, his voice low. “She hooked up with that asshole Loki. He left before sunrise.”

“So she got stood up. She doesn’t seem the type to let that bring her down this bad.”

Tony shook his head. “She found out later she was just a bet. It wasn’t just an old fashioned one night stand. He literally used her for money.”

“He...did what now?” Stephen asked, clear anger in his voice.

Bruce cleared his throat to signal you were on your way back and everyone shifted back in their position.

“Thanks for running those numbers,” Stephen said kindly.

You gave him an incredulous look. “What? No statement about how you want to check the math? Nothing about how it’s elementary calculus?”

He shook his head. “Not today. Not unless you work better when someone’s berating you. I could arrange that.”

On any other day, that quip might be cute. But you’d had your fill of smart assed men. You rolled your eyes and took a deep breath, getting back to the lab.

------------------

When lab ended, you left the trio of guys and nearly ran back to your dorm, your safe haven. You pulled out homework and immediately started on it. Meanwhile, Stephen was looking for Loki.

As luck would have it, Loki was in the middle of the courtyard talking to three people, walking towards him. As soon as they approached, Stephen reeled back and punched Loki square in the jaw, sending him to the ground. He spit out blood and looked up at Stephen.

“Are you fucking insane?” he asked, wiping his jaw. “The hell is wrong with you?”

But Stephen had already turned around, leaving.

A knock came to your dorm door, but you didn’t hear it. You were on the patio outside of your room. A small concrete slab with two chairs and one small table. Your homework was on it while you worked.

A moment later, you heard a voice. A voice you weren’t sure you wanted to hear.

“Y/N?”

You stopped writing, but didn’t look up as you said, “If you’re here to be a dick or banter, I’m not in the mood.”

“I heard what happened,” he offered softly.

You pressed your lips into a firm line.

“You haven’t been to class.”

“Observant, aren’t we?”

He sighed as he continued. “I don’t know you all that well, maybe not as well as your other friends, but you don’t seem like the type to get this… depressed over one asshole. So what’s wrong?”

You looked up at him, a flash of anger in your eyes. “You wanna know what’s wrong? Everything.” You sighed heavily and sat back, running your hands over your face, your hair.

Stephen took this as a cue to sit down beside you. “Okay, so tell me. I’m all ears.”

“Since when are you a therapist?” you questioned harshly.

“Since I worry why you’re not in class. You were the most obnoxiously optimistic and happy person I knew on this campus and now you never smile.”

At that, you dropped some of the anger towards him. This wasn’t all his fault. It was partially his fault because you really just wished he would’ve made a move sooner, then you wouldn’t have just latched onto Loki because he was the first guy to show interest.

“My friend Wanda isn’t my friend any more, and it’s all because of some stupid fucking internship. It’s not even the internship I care about. It’s the way she got it. It’s the fact that she felt she needed to defile my name to take it from me. My first love and I called it quits for the first time this semester, I thought I could move on with someone like Loki, but I was just a notch on his belt. To top that off, Bucky knew about the bet. He said he forgot, which, I guess I believe but still… he didn’t warn me. I just thought there was more to us, that we had history and he’d warn me. And I thought I was smarter than this. Like… I should’ve seen it for miles what Loki was up to, but I was so god damn blind. I just wanted to prove to myself that I could move on and be with someone besides Bucky, you know?”

He nodded.

“I mean, yeah it sucks that the first guy I gave myself to after my ‘first’ was just an asshole, but that… I could get over that. But graduation is fast approaching and Wanda felt okay doing what she did, and her and her brother won’t speak to me. Our group feels divided and I hate it. Clint and Nat are going to get married after graduation and I won’t see him as much. Then we’ll all go off and our lives will be different.” You shook your head. “I don’t know. This is a lot of stuff coming to surface I guess,” you said with a laugh.

“Well that’s good. You’re recognizing it.”

“Yeah, I mean, the Loki thing hurt, if I’m being honest. Being used, being made a joke, being…. Well used for sex, I felt cheap afterwards, but I’ve come to realize that’s his downfall not mine. I trusted him, he betrayed that, not me.”

“I’m glad you see past that.”

You nodded. “But I can’t see past all my friends, friends I’ve grown up with, betraying me, going down different paths… I’m losing friends right and left and I don’t know what to do and I guess I got scared.”

You smiled, but tears started to fall and your face fell into your hands. Immediately, he scooted closer and wrapped an arm around you.

“Well you’ve got one here, right now…”

He held you for a long time while you cried. He didn’t crack any jokes. He didn’t try to leave. He didn’t judge you. He just… held you. It was exactly what you needed in that moment.

When it got dark outside, you offered for him to join you inside. He grabbed your homework and you went in, leading the way. He put your things down on your desk.

“Hey, are you hungry?” Stephen suddenly offered.

You took a second to pay attention to your stomach. “Now that you mention it…” You trailed off.

“Care to come with me?”

“You gonna take me out to eat?”

“Not exactly.”

“Where are we going?” you wondered with curiosity burning in your tone.

“Grab your purse,” he instructed with a smile. You did as you were told and followed him out of your room. He walked with you across the campus, until you reached his dorm buildings. Well, you assumed they were his, as he was getting into a car just outside of them.

“Are you going to tell me where we’re going?”

He shook his head. “No. This is a surprise. Is that okay?”

You eyed him up and down as he backed out of the space before saying, “Yeah… Yeah it’s okay.”

“Good.”

You leaned up and turned on the radio, flipping stations until a good song came on.

“That’s a good one,” he noted.

“Oh yeah? You pick the next one. We’ll see if you pass my music test,” you challenged.

“Oh, I’m gonna make you have an ear orgasm, just wait,” he assured with jest.

You grinned, waiting for the song to end and Stephen to impress you. And he did. You two listened to the radio for a short while before he pulled into a grocery store.

“What are we doing here? Oh, are you stocking up?”

He shook his head.

“No. We’re gonna make dinner.”

“You can cook?”

“You still ask stupid questions?” he shot back with a smile and you couldn’t help but laugh.

The two of you entered the store, with him grabbing a little shopping basket.

“So what are we getting?” you wondered as you walked happily by his side. You weren’t worried about Loki, or Bucky, or wondering why your friends had betrayed you. You were just… with him, and right now, that’s all you wanted.

“Stuff for a pizza. You do eat pizza, right?”

“You still ask stupid questions?” you fired at him, a wide grin on your face.

“Pepperoni okay?”

“Always.”

With that, you two set off to find dough, sauce, cheese, and pepperoni.

“Wait,” you said, walking toward the cashier, your hand on his arm. “Where are we going to make this stuff?”

“I’ve got a place,” he assured.

“Your dorm?”

“You’ll see,” he informed with an air of mystery.

You eyed him curiously. “What do you have planned?”

“If you’re determined to ruin the mystery, I’ll tell you,” he said with a soft smile.

You shook your head. “No, no. I’ll be good.”

“Great. Then we can move on.”

He checked out and you two got back in the car.  The two of you drove along, in comfortable quiet, surrounded by the sound of the radio. You laid your head back against the headrest and let the feeling of warmth wash over you. Being around Stephen felt easy, it felt… comfortable. It felt comforting. It was so inviting.

With Loki, you felt like you had to put on a show of sorts. With Bucky, you felt like you had to pretend to be the perfect girlfriend.

With as much as Stephen goaded you, you somehow knew that if you made a mistake, that if you had a rough day, that if you admitted you were struggling, he wouldn’t judge you. He wouldn’t look down on you. In a way, with all the grief he gave you, you knew if you needed help, he’d be there for you.

After twenty minutes, you were at a house, a very nice house.

“What is this place?”

“It’s a home. Mine. My parents home to be exact.”

“So do you live here?”

“On the weekends. I stay on campus, just to get more homework done and not have to commute.”

“Smart.”

“That’s what I’ve been saying.” He smirked before grabbing the groceries and getting out of the car. You followed his lead and he went inside the house.

“So your parents live here?”

“Normally, but they’re in Europe right now. Won’t be back for two more weeks. So this is all mine.”

“Must be exciting.”

“The only exciting thing about is getting to cook, in a real kitchen. Not a hot plate in a room.”

You walked with him around a large quartz island in the kitchen. “Hey, a hot plate has made my life bearable, don’t knock it.”

“Yes, bearable, that’s what I am for in life,” he shot back with an eye roll. “Now, have you ever made a pizza before?”

“Once or twice.”

“Great. Roll out the dough on a sheet. Should be next to the oven.”

You went searching, when you turned around you saw a six burner stove. “Holy shit. This kitchen is serious.”

“You like?”

“I love. I wish I had a kitchen to cook in all the time.”

“Where do your parents live?”

“Oh they live almost an hour away from here.”

“Well if you ever need a real kitchen, just let me know and I’ll be happy to hook you up.”

You smiled and bowed, pretending to curtsey. “Well thank you, good sir.” Again, you looked for the sheet, opening up a custom cabinet to reveal them. You got out the sheet and opened the dough and started to knead it onto the pan.

“What are you going to be doing, while I do all this hard work?”

“I’m going to be creating the best sauce you’ve ever tasted.”

“That’s big talk. If it doesn’t live up to the hype, I can never trust you again,” you stated with a sideways look.

He laughed as he set to working on the sauce at the stove.

“Music?”

“No, i have to work in complete silence,” you said in a stoic voice and face.

“Oh,” he said, frowning to himself.

You couldn’t hold back your laughter and burst out laughing. “Joking, I’m joking, Stephen. Music is fine. In fact, I’ll go crazy if it stays quiet.”

“Oh good. I was about to kick you out if you were serious,” he said with a look of relief on his face.

He then told an unforeseen entertainment system to play classic rock. “This okay?”

“More than okay.”

“Alright, sauce is ready.”

“Crust too.”

“Fantastic,” he mused, happily as he walked over and began to pour the sauce. “Cheese me,” he ordered in jest as he held out his hand. You obeyed with a giddy grin. He sprinkled the cheese and then turned to you. “That enough?”

“Not by a long shot.” You grabbed the cheese and nearly doubled the amount.

He laughed when you were done, grabbing the pepperoni.

“Okay, is it ready?” he asked.

You nodded, eager to just eat.

“Alright, here we go.” He popped it inside the oven and set a timer. “And that’s dinner,” he said happily, crossing his arms, clearly pleased with himself.

“I hope so. I’m fucking starving man.”

“Aww, a woman after my own heart.”

You smiled. “Hey, thank you for… this. I’ve been pretty depressed, clearly, and I’m glad you’re trying to pull me out of it.”

“What do you mean? I just don’t like making pizza alone,” he said with a grin as he looked at you from across the island. He shook his head. “Seriously though, it’s no big deal. I could tell you were upset and I didn’t want to see that.”

“Thank you.”

“Wanna hear a confession?” he asked, looking nervous, or worried.

“Sure, unless it’s that you were given a wager to make pizza with me,” you teased bleakly.

He shook his head. “No, I took a bet to get you to go the store with me.”

You rolled your eyes, making him smile again.

“No, that night at Tony’s party… I didn’t need a ride.”

You stood up, worried he was going to say something shitty. Were you really going to go two-for-two here? But before you overreacted, you waited for him to finish.

“I saw that Loki was being a real shithead to you, and I could see how it affected you. I thought you might like someone to talk to, and I thought maybe you didn’t want to be alone.”

“I still really appreciate that,” you noted with a sideways smile.

“I’m glad I did it. You didn’t deserve what that asshole did, that night or the other thing.”

“You seem to be the only one who thinks so. Everyone else seems to feel like I should’ve seen it.”

“Trusting someone shouldn’t be a fault,” he retorted.

“Thanks.”

“Sure. If anything, Loki being a dick was a good thing, for me at least. Means I got some alone time with you.”

You frowned, ready to question him on that when the timer went off. He pulled out the pizza and gathered plates and napkins. He told you where to find some Cokes, and he cut the pizza. He plated you a piece and then himself and showed you the way to the living room where he turned on something light, house renovation shows.

“What a stupid choice for counters,” you noted.

“Don’t like them?”

“No, they’re going to close in that already small space. It’s stupid.”

“You’re very passionate about this.”

“I’m passionate about everything.”

“I can see that,” he noted.

As soon as the two of you sat down and you bit into the pizza, you turned to Stephen. “Holy shit,” you said, resting your hand on his shoulder, “this pizza is better than some I’ve had at restaurants.”

“Told you, secret’s in the sauce,” he said with a proud grin.

“I’m serious!” you insisted. “It must be the sauce. It’s got so much actual flavor! I can taste the garlic, and the oregano. Oh my god.”

“Be careful there, don’t ruin the fabric of the couch with your orgasm,” he teased and you laughed. Ordinarily, you’d blush, but this pizza was just too good to care.

The two of you ate and drank, commentary on the show flowing freely between you two until the pizza was entirely gone and you were nearly in a food coma.

“So you know why I want to be a psychiatrist, why do you want to be a doctor?” you asked, turning your head towards him.

“Money,” he said, his eyes closed.

You laughed. “Bullshit. We don’t do this shit for the money. Tell me.”

“Prestige.”

“Strange, so help me God, if you don’t--”

“My sister. My sister is why, okay?”

“What’s… what about her?” you questioned, unsure what to say or ask.

“My sister. Uh, when I was 11, I helped her when she got hurt on her bike. I was sort of… fascinated by the experience.”

You nodded, sensing there was more to this story, so you kept quiet, letting him talk.

“But uh....last summer, we were in the pool. She had a cramp… I didn’t hear her. She just… had the cramp and went under. I didn’t see that she wasn’t above the surface until it was… well until it was too late.” He took a deep breath. You could hear his voice getting thicker.

“That wasn’t your fault.”

“I know, but I feel responsible and…. I don’t know. If I can help save one life by being a doctor, maybe it won’t… maybe I’ll repay the debt I owe her.”

You immediately hugged him and he cried. You held him tight, close until he seemed to get it out of his system.

“Stephen, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to push you,” you apologized.

He shook his head. “It’s fine. That’s the first time I’ve said it out loud.”

You gave him a small, sympathetic smile. “I’m honored that you shared that with me. Thank you.”

He nodded slowly. “Yeah, I don’t know what specialty, yet. I’ve thought about tons, but I think I’ll figure it out when I get to med school.”

“Yeah, I’m sure.”

“And you’re dead set on psychiatry, huh?”

Nodding, smiling, you answered, “Yeah, I am. I just… It’s challenging, interesting, and fascinating to me.”

“You’ll do great.”

You reached over and grabbed his hand, squeezing it. “So will you.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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SLU

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@disneyfanatic77

@disneyoncerlover815

@meraki–mei

[hunter-the-sad-skeleton]

never made the cut [I'm slightly concerned but fuck it]

(Self Insert Selfship Time! Tw: self harm, suicide attempt, depression, self hatred, self destruction, self deprecating, eating problems, suicide ideation, suicidal thoughts, anxiety, self starvation, negative thoughts, cutting, insecurity, peer pressure, relationship anxiety, feelings of worthlessness, ect. Note That This Is A Vent Selfship Fanfic, So It Gets DARK. If ANY Of These Warnings Are Something You’re Sensitive About, Don’t Risk Your Mental Health! I Just Needed To Get Some Feelings Out Here! I Don’t Do Any Of The Things Mentioned Here, So Don’t Worry About Me! With The Warnings Out Of The Way, Let’s Go To The Angst!)

“ALRIGHT OWLS, LET’S TAKE IT STRRRAIGHT FROM THE TOP!!!” Conductor instructed. “Oh, and uh, Stolas, was it? STAY OUT OF SCENE UNTIL I TELL YER TA COME IN SCENE THIS TIME!!!!” The Conductor yelled. Hunter tapped him on the shoulder and gestured that he was going to the restroom. “Arright, Lad...! Ya know where it is...!” The Conductor whispered. Hunter nodded, speeding off. The Conductor chuckled as he hurried off. He DID have a habit of putting off going to the bathroom until it was almost too late...! “HEY!!!! STOLAS!!! I SAW YE POKE YER HEAD OUT!!! IT’S NOT SCENE 69 YET SO GET OUTTA HERE!!!” The Conductor yelled.

Hunter shakily walked into the bathroom, small backpack slung over his shoulders. He picked a stall and locked himself in, sitting down in front of the toilet. He quietly opened his backpack, pulling out a small pocket knife. Hunter took a deep breath, ignoring how shaky his hand was. He always got shaky with this, but not to this degree. In the back of his head, he heard the voice coming back. “Do it, ya know ya wanna.” Every time he tried ignoring it, it got louder. He eventually couldn’t fight back anymore and gave in.

Grooves padded into the restroom, having just taken a break from shooting. He was...somewhat happy with his current script, but sadly it was too late to change it. As he went to go into one of the stalls, he saw something pooling near the door of the stall next to him. He thought it was just water, then the smell hit. His breath hitched; had someone gotten hurt? He steeled himself, knocking gently. “Hello? Is someone in there? Are-Are ya hurt?” Grooves asked gently. He didn’t get a response. His eyebrows furrowed in worry. No response, that’s not good. Grooves knocked again, harder this time. “Darlin’, if you’re hurt, I can go get help.” Grooves said calmly. Still no response. Great. Now he was INSANELY worried. He remembered the stall; the large one at the back. He went to grab assistance from the receptionist to open the stall.

“Hello? Little Chirper? Can ya unlock the door for us please? DJ Grooves is worried about ya.” The receptionist called. No response. “I can’t reach over. besides, climbing over is a liability.” The receptionist sighed. The Conductor walked in, jumping in surprise that the bathroom was this busy.

“Toilet trouble?” He asked. Grooves shook his head.

“Someone’s locked themselves in and we can’t get their attention. They seem to be hurt.” Grooves explained. The Conductor’s breath hitched. Hunter never came back from the bathroom.

“Move.” The Conductor breathed shakily.

“What?” Grooves asked, confused.

“I SAID MOVE!!” Conductor said, getting a running start from the back of the room. Grooves and the receptionist yelped in surprise, pressing themselves against the other stalls to get out of the way. As the Conductor’s foot made contact with the stall door, it flew off the hinges, smashing against the wall with a crash. The Conductor got up and looked around, gaze landing on the front of the toilet. “Oh....this cannae be happening....” The Conductor gasped. Grooves and the receptionist poked in.

“What’s the matter, Conductor, Darling?” Grooves asked.

“Me bag.” The Conductor croaked out. Grooves was confused.

“What?” Grooves asked.

“Go, and grab me bag!!!!” The Conductor snapped. Grooves jumped.

“Darling, is everything okay?”

“GROOVES, GO GRAB ME BAG NOW, A LIFE IS ON THE LINE HERE!!!!” The Conductor yelled. Grooves jumped, nodding and hurrying off. The Conductor hugged Hunter closely, humming a tune.

“Hush now little one, it’s okay....~! Keep on breathing, it’s just another day....~! I’m here to keep the bad dreams at bay....~! The monsters under the bed aren’t here to stay....~! I’m here, I’ll always be near....~! There’s nothing to fear....~! To me heart, you’re very dear...~! In me sky, you’re the sun, stars, and moon....~! For you to stay with me, I’d ask for no other boon...~! Call for me, I’ll be there soon...~! I know that our hearts beat in tune....~!” The Conductor hummed softly, rocking back and forth, hugging Hunter.

Grooves raced around the owl express, searching for the Conductor’s bag. “U-Um, hello?” An express owl called.

“Oh! Hello! I’m just looking for the Conductor’s bag, you haven’t seen it anywhere, have you?” Grooves asked.

“Wh-Why?” The owl asked.

“It’s an emergency, darlin’.” Grooves explained. The owl saw the concern through his glasses and took him to the bag.

The Conductor started worrying as time passed. “Come on, Grooves...where are ya, ya peckneck.....” The Conductor winced. He looked down, seeing how deep Hunter went. There was so much blood...there was SO. MUCH. BLOOD. He would HAVE to call an ambulance if Grooves didn’t hurry his duff up. Grooves returned as swiftly as he could with the bag.

“Here, Darlin’.” Grooves said handing it over.

“Thank you, Grooves.” The Conductor said, pulling out some gauze and medical tape, starting to bandage up Hunter’s arms.

“Is he...?” Grooves asked nervously.

The Conductor dropped the tape, making sure he got everywhere. “Receptionist, call an EMT, we have an emergency here. He’s lost too much and he cannae stay awake for very long periods of time.” The Conductor ordered. The receptionist was shocked. “Well?! Get moving!!” The Conductor snapped.

“Right away!” The Receptionist said, speeding off. The Conductor rubbed Hunter’s head, hoping to wake him up.

“C...Conductor...? Why....Why are you here...?” Hunter choked.

Conductor smiled weakly. “I heard there was a party in here, so I decided to join the fun.” He said, attempting to lighten the mood. Hunter looked him over.

“Oh no....your poor shirt and tie....!” Hunter lamented.

“What, these old things? Please, I can just wash them when I get home.” The Conductor smiled. Hunter frowned, eyes drooping. “Lad, no, don’t black out on me again!” The Conductor begged. Hunter’s breathing seemed to be more ragged, more harsh. He was visibly struggling to stay awake.

“I’m sorry......the voices-they wouldn’t stop.....” Hunter coughed.

The Conductor hushed Hunter. “Save it lad, ye need to save yer energy. Just stay awake fer me, alright lad?” The Conductor pleaded.

“I’m so tired, Conductor...I’m so tired of hurting…” Hunter wheezed. The Conductor’s gaze softened, hoping to relax Hunter.

“Aye, I know, lad, but ye just got ter hold on a wee bit longer, alright?” The Conductor asked, holding his hand. Hunter coughed and The Conductor winced at the harsh sound.

“I’m...so sorry...I’m so sorry I slipped….” Hunter apologized. The Conductor frowned.

“Lad, stop with this apologetic nonsense. You’re nae at fault. If anyone in this room is at fault, it’s me. I shouldae come here to check on yer after the first hour passed.” The Conductor scolded.

Hunter shook himself awake, vision starting to blur again. “I just wanna sleep...” Hunter whimpered. 

“Not yet, lad...Please...Hold on...” The Conductor pleaded.

“You look so blurry...I....” Hunter started before blacking out.

“LAD!!!!” The Conductor yelped. Medics rushed in, taking Hunter out to an ambulance, The Conductor following inside to keep Hunter company on the ride to the hospital. “It’s gonna be okay lad...I promise...!”

(Timeskip a few days.)

Hunter woke up, arms sore and barely able to feel his hands. When he looked at them, they were tightly wrapped in medical tape, stained red. Seems that they weren’t replaced. What happened though....?

“Lad! Yer okay!” The Conductor beamed. 

“Heya bud...! What happened exactly...?” Hunter asked.

“Ye slipped again, but we got to ye in time!” The Conductor explained. Hunter looked at his arms in disappointment.

“........Dammit.” Hunter cursed.

“Lad, it’s okay...! We all slip sometimes...! What matters is that we got to ye in time to prevent anything worse from happening...!” The Conductor comforted.

“I was clean for almost a month this time, Conductor!!! I was SO CLOSE!!” Hunter snapped.

“Lad, it’s okay, we’re in the here, we’re in the now, all that matters is that you’re okay...!” The Conductor stressed.

“ But I-” Hunter started.

“I wouldn’t recommend fighting him on this, Darlin’.” Hunter looked at the doorway. Grooves visited..! “You’ll only lose~!” Grooves teased.

“Grooves...? What’re ya doin’ here...?” Hunter asked.

“Visitin’ a close friend of course~! He’s a super cool guy who’s super good at animating~! His name begins with ‘H’ and rhymes with punter~!” Grooves teased.

“Oh shut up, Groovypants...!” Hunter chuffed. Grooves ruffled Hunter’s hair, earning a squeak of disapproval. 

“Still calling me Groovypants, huh, Darlin’? I guess I can still call ya ‘Little Bro’ then, huh?” Grooves joked. 

“Not little, not your brother..!” Hunter peeped.

“Well, you’re five foot three, I’m five foot six, you’re smaller than me, so you’re little~!” Grooves beamed.

“How’s everyone been holdin’ up without me?” Hunter asked.

“Darlin’, everyone’s been down in the dumps without ya! Even good ol’ Conductor~!” Grooves grinned. The Conductor’s face heated up to a bright orange.

“Well-I mean...” The Conductor stammered, all knowledge of the english language failing him.

“Really...?” Hunter asked.

Grooves nodded, grin growing wider. “This whole time with ya in here has just been him bein’ all like,” Grooves cleared his throat. “ ‘I cannae wait until me Hunter returns, this workplace is garish and borin’ without ‘im!!’ “ Grooves said, putting on his best Conductor voice.

“He said that...?” Hunter blushed.

“Well, that’s a bit exaggerating...!” The Conductor stuttered.

“Darlin’, he loves ya! He can’t wait for ya to recover and come back to work!” Grooves beamed.

The Conductor’s face was a bright orange. “Grooves!!!” He blurted out.

“Get well soon, darlin’! We all miss ya!” Grooves said. “Conductor darlin’, everyone said it’s okay if ya can’t make it to the shoot today, they understand that you’re not quite in the right mindset to work right now!” Grooves informed.

“Thanks, lad...” The Conductor sighed.

Grooves smiled, waving before walking out.

“So, ya missed me, huh?” Hunter smiled.

The Conductor’s face somehow heated up more and his ears flopped down. “N-Now wait a minute-” 

“Conductor, it’s fine! It’s...Actually really sweet!” Hunter smiled.

“Well....Ye do have this...Positive air to ye...” The Conductor stammered.

“Awww~!” Hunter teased.

“Shut up, lad...!” The Conductor “rolled his eyes”

“Also bud, guess what~!” Hunter grinned.

“What?” The Conductor asked.

“Ya just talked with DJ Grooves and never ONCE called him a peckneck~! You’re goin’ soft~!” Hunter teased.“WELL I NEVER!!!! HE’S A NO GOOD PECKNECK!!! HE’S A FILTHY PECKNECK OF A MOON PENGUIN IS WHAT HE IS!!! HE’S A COWARD!!! HE’S A SAD EXCUSE FOR A MOVIE DIRECTOR!!!” The Conductor jabbed.

“Conductor...” Hunter sighed, shaking his head. As The Conductor continued ranting, Hunter tapped him on the shoulder.

“What?” He pipped. Hunter stole his hat, holding it just out of his reach. “HEY!!” He squawked. Hunter laughed, dangling it just out of his reach.

“What’s wrong bud~? Just grab it~!” Hunter teased.

“I’M TRYING!!” He pipped, reaching as far as he could. Hunter laughed as he was barely brushing his fingers against the brim of the cap. In a last stitch effort, he pecked a quick smooch to Hunter’s cheek, shocking him at the sudden gesture and freezing him long enough for him to steal his hat back. “That’s what ye get, ye handsome devil!” He peeped. Hunter’s face was covered with a bright blue blush. The Conductor laughed at his reaction. Hunter was starstruck. His crush liked him back?!? And SMOOCHED him?!? Good thing he was in the hospital, cause he could pass out due to heart failure any second now!! “Lad? Lad? Lad, are ye okay? Did I overstep me boundaries?” The Conductor asked, worried at Hunter spacing out.

Hunter shook his head. “I’m fine, Conductor!” He said, knowing full well that he was indeed, not fine in the SLIGHTEST.