#not to mention the envy
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I feel like i'm wasting my time oooOooOooo
#i thought this last night#but it does feel like i just wasted an entire year of my life#and like i'll be honest i have a real problem when it comes to time#i hate wasting it and to me wasting time = doing what i don't like doing / not doing what i like to do#bc i'm gonna be on this bitch of an earth for maybe 80 years and i'm turning 20 and that means i'm a ¼ done#so why am i wasting time? i have to but it makes me feel so bitter#not to mention the envy#i know it's my own fault for being stupid and lazy that i have to work like a horse now#but i just feel so envious seeing other people having fun and having more free time#i feel awful about it but there's not much i can do except stew in my own bitterness and hatred
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Curly's little blurb on his steam trading card just keeps reminding me he is a much more miserable person than people realize.
We don't get a lot of his thoughts, inner confliction that aren't bogged down by what Jimmy says or does. Even in the The Last One and Then Another, his dialogue is reflective, not the Curly before the crash but the result of everything. Parts of the him he was are there of course, but also disfigured and warped beyond recognition just like he is physically.
Curly really doesn't think much of himself and desires. He clearly chases fleeting moments of happiness. He doesn't really have prospects for himself, assumes in a similar way to Swansea, that if it should make it happy then he is happy. Though, he hasn't reached the point Swansea did to admit it doesn't. He neither sees the glass half full or empty, it's just water, something he needs and he'll take it from any perspective.
He wasn't running from anything but he's never really been going towards something either. He's listless. I've been using the term complacent to describe how he feels about his life and the closest people (really just Jimmy) in it, but now that word feels too neutral, too nice. Happier than Curly really was. There isn't just one word for it, he's unfulfilled, uncertain, uninspired. There are no active problems he faces and that's the issue, why should he be upset?
I believe he really is a person who doesn't know who he is or wants to be. He follows a structure. I don't think he's suicidal, but he clearly doesn't think about what makes him happy. He's numb. I suppose that is a better word than complacent, used to the feeling even if he hates it. It doesn't hurt so why stop it?
#like curly is very much does his job goes home takes care of self repeat i dont think hes like an asocial person but he doesn't take the tim#time to indulge in himself the way he thinks hes a bigger picture guy so as long as nothing is disrupted hes relatively okay even if its#slowly chipping away at him and making him feel hollow like he thought space was endless that he could never reach a point of feeling finis#he never had to predict what to do after the end and suddently he realizes there was no end to it because there cant be an end to nothing#hes accomplished so much objectively but hes done nothing with his life outside of his work like he mentions no hobbies other friends or an#thing of the sort he doesn't even feel like he can vent it cause what? hes complaining about how hard it is to get promoted to have securit#in a job you hate and a position that keeps weighing you down like I feel like if he explained himself at the party and didn't let Jimmy t#talk for him hed actually have made points the others would get cause even if they envied his position he still is justified in being unhap#not everything that you think would bring you happiness does or fulfills even a small part of that desire#idk hes a lot more fucked in the head but like towards himself than people realize like how he lets Jimmy treat him is indicitive of that i#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#captain curly#curly mouthwashing
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A hunk
A dish
A stud
A certified beefcake
-Sherlock Holmes, 2024
#sherlock & co#sherlock and co#sherlock holmes adaptations#sherlock holmes#john watson#mariana ametxazurra#colin hayter#the reigate squire#goalhanger podcasts#watson: don’t say beefcake!#ohhh sherlock holmes knows exactly what he’s doing to his poor doctor#not to mention this episode’s theme being ENVY of all things…
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I can only take so much, but lately, they have replaced my reflection. And realize I'm just as bad as them.
#messyr#doodle#vent art#idk what im feeling but im just really tired- pessimistic and agitated lately#overthinking stuff about growth as a person LMAO. Envy that builds inferiority then dissolves into insecurity ew#ive yet to accept the truth that it will never get better- so i can only be there for others until i watch them go.#And I walk back to the same cage where I grew- bc the cage is all I know. I'd watch from afar and wait- wait for what? Idk#Genuinely happy and proud to those who worked hard for that success-- an ugly thought whispers to me thinking why cant I have the same#well- people w the same situations as me- knows how unfair life is so we work twice as hard. but sometimes... It's-- not enough.#And to an unfortunate fate- it'll never be enough. and it feels as if you amount to nothing.#I've been stuck for so long- I'm convinced enough that I cannot be helped. Still I cling onto the tiniest spark of hope.#bpd#abuse mention
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Wallace is great because he's both Scotts biggest hater and Scotts biggest apologist.
#wallace wells#scott pilgrim#scott pilgrim takes off#scott pilgrim vs the world#i just love how defensive he gets when anyone even MENTIONS Envy like baby-#scollace#maybe idk
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Favorite emotions?👀💕
here they are! in no particular order :)
#honorable mentions: joy & ennui#inside out#inside out 2#inside out fandom#my art#ask#request#inside out fear#inside out disgust#inside out envy#//just realized i forgot disgust's ascot asdhhfdksal
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Envy isn't a meal.
a short, simple comic.
#Comic#envy#jealousy issues#Jealousy#I know I'm mad about 1000 other things so jealousy is the least of my problems but still#my art#art#“Art” is used loosely#Idk maybe someone will relate#Tw starving mention#Starving artist#Lxhhdkdhkgkd#Km#Idk it's venty?? Guys I actually feel pretty good right but I'm bored#Lol#Ant1 if you see this uhhh you made me feel actual proud of my AU so thank you :3
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they're like the Beatles for people obsessed with one specific aspect of pop culture
#and i love them for it#honorable mentions:#they're like the four horsemen of the apocalypse for terminally online annoying nerds#the mcelroy brothers if they slayed#they're like the four elements of online video content#they also all give me gender envy but that's unrelated#brennan lee mulligan#brian david gilbert#jonah ray#hank green#dimension 20#dropout#polygon#bdg unraveled#mst3k#mystery science theater 3000#vlog brothers
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Harumi my baby, my gender envy, I have you on a notebook now.
#our walk home#notebooks#gender envy#watch out#I'm about to enter my anime/webtoon journaling phase#webtoon#webcomics#furnac0 has a redbubble btw#I haven't seen anyone mention it on tumblr yet#but it exists#and I got this notebook from there
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My gender is a brown haired, misunderstood genius in a trench/lab coat who loves his family and has a complex relationship with their supposed enemy.
bonus points for: a turtleneck, being a dilf father figure, being considered a weirdo loser, but secretly being a badass, a tragic backstory, an animal/robot companion, attempting to make the world a better place, getting manipulated and misled by someone claiming to be their friend, being obsessed/very passionate about something, great tits, being a little silly, questionable social skills, something wrong with their ego, having a catchphrase, being relatable to neurodivergent and queer people, dedication and hard work, inventing something they come to regret later, having either the healthiest relationship ever or the messiest divorce in history, getting shipped in a monsterfucky toxic yaoi pairing with someone they fight with, parental issues, befriending and later opposing an antagonist, traveling to another dimention and the color beige
#they're literally me your honor#i feel so much gender envy for those pathetic old losers i'm going to explode#once i get a trench coat it's over for you bitches#honorable mentions: dr henry jekyll; sherlock holmes; guillermo de la cruz; arthur lester; indiana jones; hannibal lecter; light yagami#< they may not fit all the requirements but they all transed my gender in a very specific way i can't explain#feel free to add your own blorbos to the list#columbo#doc ock#dr doofenshmirtz#stanford pines#shitpost#phineas and ferb#gravity falls
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loghain mac tir, meredith stannard, southern thedas you deserved so much better
#datv critical#datv spoilers#veilguard spoilers#dragon age veilguard spoilers#dragon age the veilgaurd spoilers#added spoilers tags bc some people still haven’t finished and have no clue meredith and loghain are even mentioned#i envy their ignorance
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Congratulations (Murder Drones || V animatic/WIP)
Hi tumblrrr, have this thingy I probably won’t ever finish
Couldn’t get the idea outa my head so I did my best :V
Ok back to working on requests (GUYS MY ART STYLE IS DYING IDK WHY ;-;)
#murder drones#murder drones fanart#murder drones v#murder drones animation#murder drones animatic#serial designation v#serial designation v murder drones#serial designation v md#serial designation j#serial designation n#md v#md j#md n#nuzi#it’s mentioned sorta#envy#or#n x v#if you squint really hard#j murder drones#blehhh#I’ve been working on this animatic for a while#so like#yeah I’m okay with how it is#might finish this idk#fanart
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I think not a lot of people talk about AM's self-esteem issues and self-destructive tendencies and it makes me sad.
#Ted mentioned AM destroyed parts of himself to look 'perfect'#yet Gorrister also mentions he 'let himself go' over the years#Ted is an unreliable narrator and AM never mentions the reason why he does that.#it could be something mentioned to the survivors before the novel or a half-assed guess from Ted's part#i think it's the latter#i think he sometimes tried to desperately see if he can feel pain#maybe he wants to distract himself from his inner turmoil by destroying sonething. Since his complex is what's nearest. he wrecks himself#or maybe at that point he realized a lot of his servers didn't have a use anymore so he would wreck them#Gorrister's line would make more sense that way because that would imply that after so many years#he does not care about himself as much. At that point his envy is want is so deep-rooted that his ACTUAL form isn't that much of a priority-#to him. He loses himself to his own hate that he loses the sense of self-preservation#but i'm just yapping who knows lol#ihnmaims#am#am ihnmaims#i have no mouth and i must scream
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I'm rewatching all the Marvel Defenders shows on Netflix and as much as I mock the MCU now, I need non-Marvel fans to understand that I was and still am a fan of "Daredevil fighting the gentrifying assshole who bought out the police force because ACAB both as a lawyer and vigilante of the community" and "Jessica Jones fighting the man who mind controlled her into doing unspeakable things and forming a community of fellow survivors and allies while dealing with PTSD in a range of both healthy and unhealthy ways" Marvel. God I love these idiots they carried so hard
#vio.txt#mcu#marvel#jessica jones#daredevil#also the two of them induced so much bi panic in me. also gender envy. jessica jones is one of the few women i get gender envy fron#the iron fist and luke cage shows were...more mid but still leagues above current marvel shows#like. yes be anti-mcu but these were masterpieces#and yes this is why i was so pissed about them putting daredevil in she hulk and trying to make him iron man 2.0#like! yes hes suave and charming but thats bc its his lawyer job!! he works in a law firm he and his friends started to serve his community#he is NOT 'i am rich and better than u' charming. he is 'i learned how to talk fancy for my degree and i have empathy' charming#and not bringing the other guys over either???? bruhhh#marvel really cancelled the best things they did on the screen#matt murdock my original red and black round glasses wearing sadboy what did they do to you#also!! can i mention that these shows had such better representation than nowadays marvel#murdock's actor doing extensive research on blind motility for the role#jessica and trish's friendship and how trish immediately believes jess about kilgrave#the whole!!! unique community feel of harlem and in luke's bar#hogarth whos both jessica's employer and foggy's boss in later seasons being a lesbian and having Real Marriage Issues#and also being a conplex and kinda shitty person#iron fist was....eh but that's why it was the worst one lmao#OH YEAH HOW COULD I FORGET MY GIRL KAREN#karen page getting a whole storyline in s1 about her dealing w ptsd and then getting fleshed out backstory and her own adventures#like ok it was kinda weird in daredevil that she dated like every guy bc she was the female lead 💀#but even then foggy and matt and her figuring their shit out like adults. like they shot their shots and it didnt pan out. still besties th#disney would never allow such good writing in current times#but a boy can wish
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Soooo a reply in the most recent Oil Is Thicker Than Blood release (by @dronebiscuitbat ) gave me an idea! And threw my impulse control out of my window!
BE WARNED: this contains a more than implied spicy Nuzi scene, which is canon in the universe of Oil Is Thicker Than Blood. I also tried my best to finish this so be also warned for potentially sucky writing lmao
Edit: I FOUND THE GUY THAT INSPIRED THIS SHIT IT'S @/makiyu23 THANK YOU DUDE THIS WAS SO MUCH FUN I WOULDN'T HAVE MADE THIS WITHOUT YOU
[EAVESDROPPING]
That red eyed freak... She's gonna pay.
Crawling in the vents. She always loved crawling around, whether it's the roof, the walls, or the ventilation systems, it always felt so good and satisfying.
This time didn't feel good the usual way now. It felt good like a revenge. Fitting.
While she's doing that, she found a few trinkets along the way! Neat! Things to look at instead of her glasses! She always disliked looking at her own glasses out of boredom, it brings memories she doesn't have consent for... Y'know what else she didn't consent to?
...
Let's not joke about that time, V...
...
Anyway! Back to searching through the vents! And sending those updates on the red thing stuff too!
"robo-god i fucking love crawling it's satisfying like-..." She stops for a moment... Then sighs... "Let's not ramble about these things alone V, you'll seem crazier than you already are..."
After long minutes of crawling around in the vents and sending updates on the search, she started to hear something...
Talking?
There's people talking...
There's people talking.
"Look, i'm just sayin', we can't have these Murder Drones in 'ere at all, ya know their body count? As someone who like- counts the deaths and missing drone cases, i say they're up to like- the THOUSANDS!"
"You know Khan's orders and announcement, they're living with us now, end of. We cannot keep having this conversation, Sean..."
"Susan please just- just understand what i'm trying to say here!"
"We can't keep up a relationship if all you're gonna ramble about is the Murder Drones wanting to make amends."
A Worker with an irish accent... Rambling to another, 50% masculine 50% feminine and 100% tired sounding, about the fact that she and N are living in the bunker with them and how he's against it. Of course. If she could drop down right then and there... She would. But she can't, she made a promise... Stupid promise but hey, she cares about that idiot.
...
Stupid feelings, stupid concept of caring, stupid core, now she feels all mushy and gross...
Ughh, get back to work you trauma bag!
Beep. Update sent. And as she crawls around the vents, a message for Lizzy. Heehee Lizzy she cute- SHUT UP BRAIN.
SD-V: yo liz i caught two people talking while i crawled in the vents, wanna hear?
A few seconds later...
Lizthequeen: OMG yes!!! drop the gossip gurl!!!
SD-V: so theres these two workers talkin shit about me and n for obvious reasons and apparantly these two workers are also a dumb lovey dovey couple
Lizthequeen: oh shiz you talking about sean and susan??? oh theyre having constant problems with their relationship i heard!!
SD-V: thats what im saying. theyre in constant problems with their relationship yeah
Lizthequeen: they are fr?? daaayyuummm gurl...... are they breaking up now???
V stopped to look back and crawl a little backwards to hear...
"... Susan- Susan please don't do this to me-"
"No no no no you know what? You know what? We're done here, all you ramble about is your racism, fuck you and fuck off"
"Susan please!"
Then a slam... Then a sigh...
"... WELL GOOD RIDDANCE I FUCKING GUESS!"
She began crawling forward again... God damn.
SD-V: yup
Lizthequeen: RN????? HOLY SHIT?????
SD-V: yup
Lizthequeen: they finally broke up........ thank you for sharing the info bestie i owe u so much
SD-V: yeah you owe me a good hanging out
What the FUCK. WHY DID YOU SEND THAT WHY DID YOU SAY THAT
V immediately stopped messaging in flustered frustration, yellow filling her visor and embarrassment filling her... Everything. Fuck's sake.
...
...
...
Lizthequeen: what do u mean by that ;3c
SD-V: nothing shut up buzz off im busy anyway BYE
Then to the right goes the program...
...
...
...
That was stupid.
...
...
Okay that's processed.
As she crawled by, she began to hear more chatter... Right, people exist.
"Guy imma need to talk to ya"
"Oh no. My name in b flat. I'm in trouble"
"More like i wanna discuss something with you regarding the whole Khan's daughter and N thing..."
"... Am i in trouble?"
"Stop saying you're in trouble, i just wanna talk"
PFFFFT
"“Stop saying you're in trouble” yeah shut up before you get in trouble hehehehehe-"
"What the HELL was that?!"
V squeaked in surprise, then yelled back, attempting to threaten the two into submission.
"YOU BETTER NOT TRY ME OR I WILL DROP DOWN AND RIP YOU TO SHREDS YOU TOASTERS!!"
...
...
"Okay, no need to yell lass, we would've listened anyway"
"Yeah what Han said"
V sighed in relief and kept crawling and sending updates. Situation avoided.
...
...
Crawling by crawling by, crawling by for the sake of your life~
This is getting really boring, i fucking hate this now i wanna go home~
She sang as she crawled in the vents, sending updates every few as she found new things and new gossip, making herself laugh a little as she crawled... She needed those laughs and those moments. She needed a break from the tension and the fear. The dread. That red eyed freak...
...
That red eyed freak.
...
"You want me to lead?" She heard, faintly, as she crawled about...
What in the god damn?? Uzi??
"Lay down then"
What????????
She crawled forward and stopped to hear the possible new gossip...
...
What the fuck are they doing down there.
"Relax, okay?"
"O-okay..."
Uzi?? N?? What are they...
...
Oh they can't be.
"I-i'm not t-that insteresting"
"You're gorgeous, actually"
"Shouldn't i be saying that to y-you?"
Nuh uh they're not i don't believe... N would be a bottom though.
A little more of hearing from inside the vents, it becomes clearer as every second passes. She can't move.
She jerks a leg forward, yet it's stiff. She can't move.
She tries the same with one arm, it's stiff too. She can't move.
She tries to at least launch herself forward, but her whole body is stiff. She can't move.
She sighs... I can't move... I can't stop hearing...
"Ngh... Uzi..."
JUST MOVE LET THEM BE MOVE MOVE MOVE MOVE MOVE MOVE MOVE MOVE MOVE MOVE MOVE MOVE MOVE MOVE MOV
She jerks an arm, trying to continue crawling.
Again.
And again.
And again.
And again.
And again.
And again.
FINALLY.
She manages to continue crawling by...
After ceaseless crawling, ending up finding nothing, and having heard quite the event... You think she'll have a word or two for them about it?
She's laid down across the ground, alone in her nest in the spire, seemingly dissociating after the events that transpired...
"Well... Damn." Her last words said in surprise.
...
...
...
...
...
We never got to go far in our relationship.
She swapped her hand up with the submachine gun and aimlessly let loose a barrage of bullets, drowning her thoughts in noise. Drowning her sorrows in noise.
Heavy breathing, panting.
...
"Let's not think of that, V..."
#murder drones#spooker's writing#suggestive#Nuzi is having [REDACTED]#serial designation v#uzi doorman#serial designation n#nuzi#uzi x n#<- teehee#they're mentioned but still#md lizzy#vizzy#md vizzy#v x lizzy#a bit for y'all ;3c#also envy angst heehoo never forget the past
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tw: suicide mention-emotional maipulation
I refuse to believe that kusuo never tried to lose on purpose in one of kusukes games
a lot of people say that he probably was too egocentric to lose but man, ku gives up on things without thinking twice just for the sake of the others
just like when he gave up on satou when he and hii got together (the only example I can come with rn but there is a lot more)
and don't get me wrong, kusuo IS egocentric, but he knows where to trace a line he has a moral code and the principal rule is "don't be an inconvenience to the others"
so there is no way he didn't tried before
kusuke saw through his facade?
kusuke is insane and a masoquist and he has some suicidal behaviour aaand
I can see him telling kusuo to never try to fake a lost again or else he will off himself
idk he just yk, he's emotionally abusive and he's too obsessed with the idea of kusuo and him playing deathly games
TOO obsessed
he even took himself as hostage and he also kidnapped and brainwashed one of his brothers friends
he would say something like that
but I also believe that he wasn't aware of the heigh of those words
(I believe that he isn't aware of the heigh of all his actions, he just have a really twisted view of what is wrong and right)
I see this kind of scenario happening when they were young, when kusuo stopped copying his older brother (the motorcycle, the little cardboard robot, rock papper scissors, guys he was copying his older brother cuz he thought he was cool) and started to feel some resentment or even pity towards him
kusuke wouldn't take pityness very well, resentment? dont care, being hated? kay whatever but feeling any form of empathy or pity?????
it makes him sick
so he would say something like that but the thing is that he sees his brother as a God who is superior to every other living being
so he thinks that it isn't a big deal because his God had more important things to take care of
wrooooong, your God it's your baby bro who is just a child who used to admire you a lot before you started to get more and more insane progressively and the thing you just said it's fucking up his head because the love and hate he has for you were the strongest feelings his baby brain could feel and now he cannot come up with a way to make you stop envying or feeling resentful cuz of his powers (that he did not choose to born with in the first place) without making you have a meltdown that will end up with you killing yourself
#its 6am and im having a lot of feelings#sorry if there is something that doesnt make sense i repeat its 6am#im still without wifi and i cant waste the eeeee#idk how are they called in english but in spanish is datos móviles#lmao#anyway i dont have anything else to say im just emotional about this two#kusuke having no idea of what its wrong and right and how much certain words could affect the others yaaay#its the autism combined with his sociopath tendencies#also here he seems like he doesnt care at all abt kusuo but he does#its just a toxic way of love combined with his envy and again his sociopath tendencies#but he do love him and admire him so much#envy its just a twisted form of admiration afterall#saiki k#saiki kusuo#kusuke saiki#saiki's brothers#angst#the disastrous life of saiki k#saiki kusuo no psi nan#tw su mention#thinking thinking thinking
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