#not that real-life was even really that romantic at all but-

[northopalshore]

Lovelock synastry & Composite

๑ஓ Lovelock (51663) is an asteroid used to see which part of your partner that you can't get enough of or love the most.

₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑

˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ ஓ๑♡๑ஓ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑

In the houses

ஓ๑Lovelock in the 1st house

You will love the way your partner expresses themselves to the world, the way that they dress, the way that they look at you, the way they act around you makes your heart flutter with love.

ஓ๑Lovelock in the 2nd house

You love how they spoil you lmao. Everything about the way that they dress & the way that they surprise you with gifts and compliments really lifts your mood. You could also love how they sing or flirt with you. They make you feel more stable.

ஓ๑Lovelock in the 3rd house

You love the way that they communicate. You feel like you can listen to them yap for hours into your heart lmao. You also think that they're great at expressing their thoughts to you in a way that makes you feel special.

ஓ๑Lovelock in the 4th house

You love the way your partner makes you feel safe & protected. The way you're able to cuddle by their side uninterrupted. Or that they are always tending to your emotional needs. They make you feel cared for & wanted. They give you a sort of paternal feel even as a lover.

ஓ๑Lovelock in the 5th house

You love the way that they make you feel when you're around them. They allow you to be your wildest most carefree self and are able to match your freak lol. You feel fabulous in their presence.

ஓ๑Lovelock in the 6th house

You love how committed your partner is to your relationship. You see them work hard & do things for you that most people never would, and that is something you love & cherish your person for.

ஓ๑Lovelock in the 7th house

You will love being around your partner, and being pursued by your partner feels divine. You feel as though they treat you with the love & equality you deserve in a relationship. You love how romantic they are, and that they're always by your side when you need them.

ஓ๑Lovelock in the 8th house

You are borderline obsessed with eachother. From the way that they smell, to the way that they look at you, you feel that everything should belong to you & only you. You love the depth that they bring into your life. Sex also makes you fall in love with them all over again lol.

ஓ๑Lovelock in the 9th house

You love how open-minded, and expressive your partner is. The way that they're able to connect to your interest & philosophy wise, has you loving them even more. You love how knowledgeable your partner is & how they're always teaching you new things.

ஓ๑Lovelock in the 10th house

You love how protective, and mature your partner is. You feel like they are the most dependable person in the room. You love how they give daddy & mommy energy lmaoo.

ஓ๑Lovelock in the 11th house

You love that they make you feel like a real person. You can feel that everything they share with you is genuine, and that the affection they give you comes from the heart. You also love that they feel like a companion. A best friend that will be with you through all of your zany antics.

ஓ๑Lovelock in the 12th house

You love how spiritually intertwined you both are to each other. You feel as if you're able to connect on a deeper level than anyone else that you've met. You could also see them as a role model spiritually, or when it comes to religion. You could love that you both love God/the Universe.

₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑

In the signs & degrees

₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑

˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ ஓ๑♡๑ஓ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑

ஓ๑Aries (°1,°13,°25)

You love how passionate they are, how they know exactly what they want & how they want to do it. They're very sure of themselves, & your relationship. Perhaps they have always been clear that you were the person that they wanted from the start, & you love their energy. They may be quite spontaneous as well, & that allows you to step out of your comfort zone.

ஓ๑Taurus (°2,°14,°26)

You love how gracious, how stubborn & how caring they are towards you. You likely felt immediately comfortable around them, as if you've met them before this. You love how you can go from messy & childish around them, to being elegant and poised. You may also love how they express their physical affection towards you. They feel like home.

ஓ๑Gemini (°3, °15, °27)

You love how witty your partner is. You feel as though your partner is a reflection of your mind. The way that they think aligns with yours, & you also tend to share the same interests if not a similar way of expressing yourselves. You feel as though your partner gets you, without ever needing to say what's on your mind. You love talking to your partner, no matter the topic or time of day.

ஓ๑Cancer (°4,°16,°28)

You feel utterly devoted to your partner. You love how soft & kind they are with you. You love how genuine their expressions are & just being around them can drive you to tears with how pure their intentions are towards you. You know that when they're around, you will always be safe.

ஓ๑Leo (°5,°17,°29)

You love how your relationship makes you feel alive. Your partner is fun, exciting and rejuvenating in a way. You feel as though your romance will never die, with how young & wild you are. You'll likely experience a young love regardless of how old or which era of your life you're in when you meet them.

ஓ๑Virgo (°6,°18)

You love how your partner shows their devotion through their actions. How they actually do the things that they say they'll do. How they remember the smallest things about you & the relationship. They're the type to never disappear without leaving a note on the fridge.

ஓ๑Libra (°7,°19)

Your life love life with them will likely feel like those old Hollywood clichés, where your partner is undoubtedly a lover of love, & you! They will romance you, fine dine you, and make you feel as if you are the only person in the world that exists by their side. You love how they show you they love you. With words, with gifts, & with their presence. If they are a man, they just feel like a husband to you. & If they are a woman, they just feel like a wife.

ஓ๑Scorpio (°8,°20)

You love how you're able to see their devotion through their eyes. You love that they're just as obsessed as you are. You love the person you become when you're with them. You feel as though they understand what it is that you truly crave in a relationship, & that speaks to your soul. Sex with them is something you feel that you can never live without lol. Easily adickted.

ஓ๑Sagittarius (°9,°21)

They feel like your best friend. The person you can talk to about everything & anything. You love that no matter how stupid you act they still look at you the same; with love. You love how smart they are lol. You'll think that there isn't a problem that they can't think their way through, & their advice or affirmations mean the world to you.

ஓ๑Capricorn (°10,°22)

They feel like a rock in your life. The only thing you know you can count on, & look back to see standing right behind you. Standing next to you, you know they will not let you down. Before them, everything seemed to drift away just like that. They however, prove to be different. & You love them greatly for that.

ஓ๑Aquarius (°11,°23)

You feel a very genuine sense of love when you're with them. You are able to show all of your sides without losing their interest, or turning them away. On the contrary, that's likely what they love the most about you! Being real. Feeling real love when you're with them.

ஓ๑Pisces (°12,°24)

You love how innocent your partner is. How they love you with all their heart, with great depth & purity. You feel that your partner is almost like this angel sent on earth just for you. Their intentions are pure, & that is something that you will always admire them for. Their affection goes beyond the mundane. You feel it on all levels.

Note: In synastry is read by lovelock > entering the houses. Just as with planets entering a sign.

₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑

Aspects

₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑

Lovelock hard aspects: squares & opposites

˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ ஓ๑♡๑ஓ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑

✧ ˚ ⊹ ࣭Sun

You're both on different levels when it comes to showing people how you love your person. Usually, it turns up as someone is publicly affectionate while the other is uncomfortable with pda. You may have a mismatched taste when it comes to personalities as well. One is extroverted & very prideful while the other prefers to be composed. One of you may find the other embarrassing at times, but that doesn't necessarily have to dim your enthusiasm to be with each other.

✧ ˚ ⊹Moon

You may feel like your needs are undoubtedly different. It's not to say that this means that it's going to be detrimental to your relationship, but rather it challenges you to find other means of connecting with them. Although you love this trait your partner has, it may be that they do not share the same feelings i.e this isn't their love language.

✧ ˚ ⊹Venus

What you need in love & this relationship may not align with your partner's needs. Perhaps to prove their love, or in their ideal version of love, something has to happen. They may prefer big grand gestures for example while you prefer a quiet simple date together.

✧ ˚ ⊹Mercury

The way you process your feelings can be quite different from your person. Perhaps you're always finding yourself perplexed about the things your partner loves the most about you. You could find it hard to see those traits in yourself, or you may prefer to highlight something else instead of what they chose to adore.

✧ ˚ ⊹Mars

You may have different means of acting upon your affections. Perhaps one is more dominant than the other, constantly showing their appreciation or admiration. & while their partner loves them, they're just not used to showing their love through actions. Or at least, not as prominent compared to the other.

✧ ˚ ⊹Jupiter

Something may be stopping you from being as affectionate as you want with them. It could be because of outside matters, like work or just because you don't see each other that often, but that love still persists. Even when blocked/limited by outside forces. Your partner may not show this type of affection that often.

✧ ˚ ⊹Saturn

Though you admire them for this, the same traits that you love are also something that you find difficult to maintain this same perspective going into the future. You may find that it just doesn't feel like a natural progression to have this be a part of your relationship. Either that, or you may have had issues developing the level of trust or love that you've reached now. Perhaps, what you loved the most about your partner was something they used to do early on in the relationship.

✧ ˚ ⊹ Neptune

Your own ideals can cloud your perspective around your partner at first. Usually, this involves fears or misconceptions but also miscommunication & misreading certain situations. You may tend to vouch for them even if they are in the wrong at times. You may feel like it's just too good to be true that a person like them even exists let alone are by your side.

✧ ˚ ⊹Pluto

This love for your partner may trigger some feelings of obsession or possessiveness. You hate when other people get closer to your partner, & you dislike when your partner isn't looking at you when around other people they're familiar with. This possessiveness might be the cause of a lot of tension or arguments between you.

Ex: Sid Viscous & Nancy Spungen have lovelock in Scorpio, & squares pluto in their Composite chart. Their relationship was known to be very erratic & abusive at times because of their obsession towards each other. Sex was a large part of their relationship.

✧ ˚ ⊹Uranus

You likely never expected to be attracted to the parts of your person's personality you're so attached to now. Perhaps it's so different from your norm that now it's surprising that they're a part of your life.

₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑

Lovelock soft aspects

trines & sextiles

˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ ஓ๑♡๑ஓ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑

✧ ˚ ⊹Sun

You likely share a similar personality, similar way of applying or showing your affection to your person. You could also admire them for their aesthetics, because it bears resemblance to yours. You both likely match in that area. Your relationship feels like an extension of yourself. You feel very connected to your partner, & compliments feel like second nature.

✧ ˚ ⊹Moon

You have a soft spot for them in your heart. Everything that they do brings you a different type of joy. You have an unconscious appreciation towards each other, that grows stronger when you spend time together.

✧ ˚ ⊹Mercury

You feel very comfortable speaking to your partner, and expressing your love towards them. There is a friendly atmosphere around the both of you when talking to each other. You feel as though your way of thinking is aligned with each other.

✧ ˚ ⊹Venus

"Loving you is easy cause you're beautiful, baby".

It's easy for you to be entranced by your partner, something about them feels natural to you. You love their energy, and their presence & it provides you with a sense of comfort & joy that's simply addictive.

✧ ˚ ⊹Mars

You love doing things for your partner. Both of you may be very hands with each other i.e kissing, holding hands, or just caressing them often. Their touch brings you a lot of comfort & something about their body being next to yours feels like a blessing. Your small slice of heaven on earth.

✧ ˚ ⊹Jupiter

You are able to completely indulge yourselves in this relationship because of this aspect. You feel as though your love grows stronger whenever you're next to them.

✧ ˚ ⊹Saturn

Your love for this person will only grow with time. All the small, seemingly meaningless things, the 'boring' things about your life together is what makes your heart grow fonder to your person.

✧ ˚ ⊹Neptune

You both compliment each other's fantasy when it comes to love relationships. You feel like your partner enables you to experience all the things you've wanted to do with your significant other/romantic partner. Kind romantic gestures are extended very often between you.

✧ ˚ ⊹Pluto

You love how different your partner is. How they are different from the rest of the people around them. You however, feel very comfortable with their presence. Almost as if the things that they do are the things that you know you would do as well, & you love that they are doing it regardless of what happens around them. It's very easy for you to be very attached to each other.

✧ ˚ ⊹Uranus

You love that your partner is willing to explore with you, to explore & experiment together. You love that your relationship feels authentic. Something that developed naturally, yet unexpectedly. You'll feel like your partner is that spark that ignited something in you, something that has laid dormant for years.

₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑

Lovelock conjunctions

˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ ஓ๑♡๑ஓ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑

✧ ˚ ⊹Sun

You are both very proud of this relationship. A part of you will want to attach it to the core of your identity, wanting everyone to know that your partner is yours, & that this is your dynamic.

✧ ˚ ⊹Moon

You & your partner share the same feelings towards each other. What I mean is, you reflect that depth, that attachment, that feeling of butterflies in your heart & emotional craving towards your partner with them.

✧ ˚ ⊹Mercury

You both might be very vocal about what you love about your partner. Perhaps you are the type to talk about your partner often to people that you know (& sometimes don't know). You want to express how much you love them to the world, but most of all, to your partner themselves.

✧ ˚ ⊹Venus

Lovestruck. You feel as if you can't live without your partner because of the qualities that you share. You feel as though they're able to speak to your heart the way that no one else can. Depending on the sign, you'll both feel extremely attached & may be obsessed with each other to a certain degree as well.

✧ ˚ ⊹Mars

You are very protective of this relationship. Your partner means a lot to you, and this relationship is something you want to hold closely to you. You could be very possessive about your partner as well.

✧ ˚ ⊹Jupiter

Your relationship allows you to feel more, to act more & to indulge in love more than you've ever had. Your partner fills your life with affection, and their presence feels divine. There's also this feeling of not being able to get enough of your partner.

✧ ˚ ⊹Saturn

Your love feels very rooted. & By that, I mean you'll feel as if your relationship is strong. Something that will stand against the test of time, and for the most part, that is true. This love will not change, & even in 20 years you will still love those traits of your partner.

✧ ˚ ⊹Neptune

You match each other's idealistic view on love. What you love the most about your partner is something that you've likely been daydreaming of having before, & now it's right in front of you.

✧ ˚ ⊹Pluto

This love has changed you. You likely were never expecting to be with someone like your partner, yet here you are. At the very least they will open your mind to this type of partnership. You love that they help you transform into the person that you are/always wanted to be.

✧ ˚ ⊹Uranus

Your relationship is anything but boring, as this part of your love life sparks a new excitement for the both of you. You feel.. as though your partner has this special something, that only a few have ever left the same impression on you. You both have the same type of weird, the same type of fun & same type of pull towards the unknown. Your partner brings you back to life.

₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑

***entertainment purposes only; reader discretion is advised***

Thank you for reading ♡

@northopalshore

@northopalshore synastry & composite 2024.

[monotonesmile]

Damian Wayne Headcanons

————————————————————————————————

[General Headcanons:]

Damian knows a lot of languages so he can and will use them to confuse his siblings (and once on Bruce. Note: This did not work, Bruce started speaking the same language.) in arguments. He will fully switch to a completely different dialect in the middle of a sentence, he’ll go from English to fluent Latin.

Damian definitely isn’t a touchy-feely person or a praising man, so he usually expresses himself through quality time or acts of service. He does care, he’s just had the aspect of “showing emotions is weakness” so beaten into him that he’s just doing everything subconsciously.

I feel like Damian does take time out of his day to actually hang out with his siblings, whether by (begrudgingly) going out with Dick or hanging out with Jason in one of the many libraries in the manor in silence. He does want to be around his siblings, he just won’t admit it as stated before.

Damian is always happy whenever he gets to have authentic food from where he was raised before arriving at Wayne Manor, it makes him smile a bit when Alfred makes it for him, even if it has to be changed a little due to his vegetarianism.

Damian, as Robin, is both a strike first, ask questions later type but also a strategist at the same time. Nobody understands how.

[Romantic Headcanons:]

When it comes down to romantic relationships though, he will definitely not be any different in the first few months of dating, he’ll be cold and blunt as ever but there is a hint of softness to everything he does, plus you’ll find honestly beautiful portraits and drawings in your bag or room at times.

After a few months of dating he’ll let you actually hold his hand in public, although he definitely doesn’t look happy about it (he’s happy, he just has a resting bitch face).

Damian definitely doesn’t tell you about his night life as Robin for a long while, he’s afraid you’d look at him differently and be scared off by it. It takes him probably more than a year, maybe even two, to actually tell you of his secret identity, and even longer to tell you about his true past with the League of Assassins for the same reasons he was afraid to tell you about his life as Robin.

He absolutely has petnames for you in different languages.

If his multitude of pets love you, you’ve just become absolute wife/husband/spouse material in his eyes, especially if you also love animals.

Damian is low key really sweet towards his partner, but it really doesn’t look like that from an outside perspective, from someone else’s POV, Damian looks uninterested and cold towards you, but you can see the small things, the way his thumb runs across your knuckles as you hold hands and how he is keeping his eyes on you.

Damian would be hella embarrassed if you traced any of his scars, it is absolutely one of the best ways to get him to shut up or blush brighter than a tomato.

Damian likes listening to your heartbeat, it’s like he’s reminding himself that you’re real and actually with him. He’s afraid of losing the people he loves and cares for so he does certain things to remind himself that it’s all real.

To leave off on a soft note, Damian’s kisses are always soft and sweet, like he’s savoring every moment of it, he always involuntarily smiles into kisses as well.

[astrasng]

ᝰ.ᐟ NCT DREAM as The 1975 songs

a/n: this is my first group as songs post, but i'm planning on doing more for other groups too! if anyone has requests, please don't be afraid and send them in my inbox! <3

also i would like to add that in this post there may be mentions of toxicity, BUT i have no intention saying that person is toxic.

please, enjoy! <3

𝄞⨾𓍢ִ໋ MARK as Then Because She Goes.

The song is specifically a dreamy, romantic anthem for someone who wants to confess their love. The rhythm and the lyrics perfectly symbolizes Mark as someone who is in love with music. His feelings are so strong and complex that he finds it easier to fill a paper with his thougths and then write a song about it. He would definately do this, if he feels overwhelmed about his thougths inside his head.

For Mark I would also say She's American and Oh Caroline.

𝄞⨾𓍢ִ໋ RENJUN as Fallingforyou.

The song is about a person falling for someone, sharing the persepective of beautiful, harmonic feelings. I think when Renjun loves someone, the happening itself has a soft atmosphere around it, giving the person all he has just to love his partner truthfully and wholely. Renjun would take a moment when he realizes he had fallen in love, soaking in his feelings about his partner and wondering what beautiful things he can do with his other half.

For Renjun I would also say So Far.

𝄞⨾𓍢ִ໋ JENO as Somebody Else.

Somebody else lyrically deals with the after-effects of a breakup, and overswing over the idea of the former lover’s new relationship. The song describes being caught between the various emotional phases one experiences after the end of a relationship. Jeno loves dearly, his feelings strong towards someone he loves. He has a hard time letting go his partner, acceptting they had found a new person to call home.Despite the jealousy, deep inside he would feel solace of seeing that his former lover is not lonely.

𝄞⨾𓍢ִ໋ HAECHAN as Be My Mistake.

The song mainly focuses on an insignificant hookup during a relationship, or even after one. This reflects on being young and careless, not knowing what we want in real life. Haechan appears to be a bold person, his personality eager with experiences and wants. Haechan being a young free mind, could often get him into not thinking through things, feeling the aftermath of the mistakes he had done. But mistakes often wake people up to realize what they already have. He could make mistakes in life, but in the end, he is that kind of person who appreaciates what he already has.

For Haechan I would also say The Sound and Oh Caroline.

𝄞⨾𓍢ִ໋ JAEMIN as About You.

About you is strongly based on the sensations when you are deeply in love. Jaemin's feelings for someone is treasured, his memories documented often in pictures as being a photographer. But as the song tells, the singer describes how he still remembers why he loves his partner. Jaemin would be like this too, going through hardship in a relationship but nevertheless stating the obvious, he is in love. Even if life would get in a way, he wouldn't forget his partner, and why he loves them. Rectracing situations and memories of what made him happy, the things he misses in life.

For Jaemin I would also say All I Need To Hear or You.

𝄞⨾𓍢ִ໋ CHENLE as A Change Of Heart and Robbers.

For Chenle I chose two songs. A Change of heart shows the reality about falling out of love, along with Robbers, which shows the toxicity side and how destructive it can be. I think Chenle as being an idol would be too distracting for him to really pay attention to a relationship. Doesn't matter how much he doesn't want to admit, it robs him and his partner from actually having the feeling of love towards each other,realizing that they have much more to experience in life.

𝄞⨾𓍢ִ໋ JISUNG as Me & You Together Song.

The song is tender, an act of being young and in love. Jisung being the naive and youngster he is, he would fall in love with the idea of being in a domestric bliss with his partner. The song features the dreams and fantasies one has to another, the feelings not reciprocated. I think Jisung has suffered in this in the past, or will in the future. I think the upbeat rythm fits Jisung, the 1990s and early 2000s vibe naturally drawn to him. The song has a nostalgic feeling to it, and I think this song is what it would be like remembering back to Jisung after a breakup.

[thegayloragenda]

Okay I want to put all of my current predictions out here (these are subject to change, of course):

• I think this show is going to get a little more colorful or a little bit more gay with each show because I think she’s running out the clock.

• I am CLOWNING for an eventual pronoun change during surprise songs.

• I think Karlie will probably show up again. And if she shows up for the rep announcement I will die dead.

• I’m also clowning for a rainbow variation of every outfit or perhaps a debutation variation if she plans to drop them together. Maybe a karma outfit. Idk. I don’t really know what is coming next in regard to music or if there will be anything (what if she just went black out for a year and then dropped rep next December 😂).

• I’m split because I think she’s either going to continue this Travis stunt until the Super Bowl or she’ll break up with him while on tour (if it’s real that’s totally fine but the way this relationship has been crammed down our throats gives me the ick so bad). I have no idea how that breakup will go down especially since they’ve made an entire Christmas movie about this relationship.

• I’m still assuming we’ll get a proposal / breakup.

Overall, I don’t think Taylor Swift would pander to this side of the fandom the way she has if she didn’t have a plan to blow everything up. I assume she’s a good person. I assume she’s supportive of the fans who see her. I’ve been in this fandom long enough to know what it looks like when she’s in the closet and when she isn’t. The closet isn’t even glass anymore. The closet is just invisible at this point so if she’s just a straight girl who loves rainbows, she’s absolutely diabolical in the very worst ways.

And before anyone comes for me, yes she can be bi or pan or whatever she wants to be. I don’t care about muses or labels. I notice patterns and I can’t help but connect the dots. I see bi and lesbian dresses and her calling attention to them so that’s where my focus is. I care about freedom for her (whatever that looks like) and I also think some clarity about who she actually is will help a lot of us decide if we want to keep supporting her and giving her our money. I’m placing my bet on her being who I think she is so I’m here to support her until the end of this roller coaster ride.

I will make a post on the final day of this tour but I just want to say this: I have had the TIME OF MY LIFE in this labyrinth. I have made lifelong friends because of this side of the fandom. Thank you to ALL of my friends on here who have followed me and commented on my posts and said such kind things. Thank you to everyone who has messaged me their insights and theories. And finally, thank you to my fans who have messaged me your homophobic, brain-rotted hate comments. Good luck in the aftermath!

And to Taylor (if you ever see this), thank you for keeping my mind so stimulated. I will probably never get dementia because of you. You have been so good for my brain health. Thank you for teaching me about my own history as a queer girlie. Thank you for helping me heal my relationship with my neurodivergent self. Thank you for being the “mother” who saw me when my own mother just talks about how gross and wrong gay people are. Thank you for being kind and strong and brave in the face of shame and fear and danger. Thank you for leading a revolution of New Romantics! No one does it like you, girl. I love you so much. I hope you got a giggle over the chaos and the wrong predictions. I hope this tour brought you joy and hope and peace and healing. I know I haven’t always seen eye to eye with some of your choices, but I do respect you and I do hope the rest of your life is sunshine and rainbows and you get to hug your mom forever and take really long naps with your person after all of this is over. Long live 💜

Update: I do think the election plays a big role in how loud she can be. @casuallycruel131313 pointed this out, too. We’ll get way more once Kamala has been elected! I think Canada shows will be wildddd.

[harrowing-of-hell]

I was looking at chapter 53 of Harrow the Ninth for other reasons, but it reminded me of something else.

I've seen the theory that Harrow, since she no longer is capable of remembering Gideon, is projecting her feelings for Gideon onto the Body and she isn't really in love with the Body/Alecto. Often accompanying this theory is the idea that this is why the Body has yellow eyes now when previously Harrow saw them as being black like her own.

I don't think that's true for several reasons that I'll go into, but here's the TLDR:

1.) The narrative treats the memories that Harrow has of the Body very different from how it treats the memories she has of Gideon.

2.) There's a lot of evidence to suggest that the Body and the way the Body has changed over time has to do with the fact that Body is an aspect of Alecto's soul, as opposed to those changes resulting from the lobotomy and Harrow projecting suppressed memories and feelings for Gideon onto a "safe" subject.

To start with, Harrow's feelings for the Body is not the result of her suppressed memories of Gideon:

This isn't the only time Harrow refers to the Body/Alecto as her "one true love" or something equally romantic. This, however, one of the times it's from Harrow's third person POV, completely absent of the influence from lobotomy. At this point in the book, she is fully herself again and remembers Gideon. I feel like the language is pretty clear cut so I won't expand upon this particular excerpt lmao.

The other reason I don't think that theory is true is because the lobotomy was very precise and indiscriminate about suppressing the memory of all things related to Gideon (even indiscriminately suppressing the existence of her name in every possible context).

Therefore, to make sense of things that otherwise wouldn't make sense without Gideon's presence, Harrow's mind is actively and clumsily trying to make sense of the events of the past (the Canaan House bubble). That, or it just conveniently skips over Gideon's involvement because she physically can't think about it too hard without her brain hemorrhaging:

There's either a surprising lack of detail or just complete falsehoods provided about situations we'd expect Harrow to remember clearly. On the other hand, the memories of the Body and Harrow's affection for her are all in pretty explicit detail, such that it'd be weird for this affection to also have been a consequence of the lobotomy.

There's also this other detail that I had completely forgotten:

So, Harrow hasn't even hallucinated the Body since she was just starting to enter adolescence. She would only see the Body when she was asleep (an interesting detail that has something in common with the Canaan House bubble in the River....).

There are also other changes that have occurred with the Body since Harrow last saw her:

Harrowhark only physically saw the Body for some time after she opened the tomb, and then only saw her in dreams or what I can only assume was some River dream bubble akin to the Canaan House one. She also hasn't heard the Body speak since then.

Now, Harrow is hallucinating her again, she's speaking to her again, and for some reason she has a different eye color.

With all of this in mind, I really don't think anything going on with the Body in HtN is about Gideon at all. I think it's only a coincidence that the Body's physical reappearance lines up with the lobotomy.

Unlike the memories Harrow has of Gideon or memories that are direct cause of Gideon's actions, there's really nothing to clue us into the fact that these memories of the Body might also be altered/fabricated. And, given the first excerpt I referenced, we know for certain Harrow's affection for the Body/Alecto is real and not a result of the lobotomy. Even the yellow eyes that the Body now has doesn't have anything to do with Gideon.

However, there is another big change in Harrow's life beyond lyctorhood and the lobotomy; the fact that she and whatever aspect of Alecto's soul that's attached itself to her are now both in the presence of John, who has the other half of Alecto's soul.

It would make sense that the same behavior the Body had when Harrow was last in direct contact with Alecto's soul, the same behavior that stopped as she got further and further from that moment of contact, is re-emerging now that she's in direct contact again.

It would also make sense that, where Harrowhark could only impose an eye color on the Body based off of what she was familiar with herself, the Body would now instead appear with her own, true eye color.

I do have more evidence for the Body being a part of Alecto's soul rather than just a hallucination like all the others Harrow experiences, but that will have to wait for another post.

[celtrist]

I'm not sorry for loving you~

Really doesn't need to involve the obsession au, but the au is what I had in mind. And maybe that song would work better with someone than Mimzy, but Mimzy is probably one of the more sane-ish? Characters in this AU.

So I have to admit, Mimzy was just one of those characters that slipped my mind when thinking of the obsession AU. Granted the docket of characters was very filled in the original piece, and despite the history of these two characters (both in-universe as well as their development history), their relationship whether romantic or platonic is incredibly overlooked. I feel like it's pretty common knowledge concerning Hazbin, but when I talk about the character's developments, I mean that they were originally a romantic couple. Despite this fact, Almimzy is an incredibly non-existent ship, and that makes sense. Alastor and Mimzy barely interacted in the official show, and while she was planned to be a guest, she wasn't really present in the pilot or anything. With so little content even when the official show came out, it's kinda no wonder but it's still a little surprising considering their old status as a couple.

Ah, but I'm rambling! Back on topic, I didn't think of Mimzy until I was asked about it (which as silly as it is, it was really neat to see people ask about this au!). So I've since thought a bit more and all that I've said in the ask is pretty much close to on point with how she acts. I do think, however, that considering she ALSO knew Alastor in life just as he had her, she would be slightly aware of... something being amiss with her feelings. Not insanely, she's just as bad and unaware as everyone else with the obsession she has over him. She just is able to remember her feelings on Earth and compare them to her current feelings and recognize that they're not exactly the same. The problem is that, she's Mimzy. She seems like the type who'd be in denial about something being wrong with her, but I feel like she'd recognize while not thinking too hard about it that the love she felt on Earth is seemingly altered in Hell. The line "I'm not sorry for loving you" feels really good for her here when considering most of everyone else around Alastor WOULD be sorry if they had a more clear mind about it. But Mimzy wouldn't be sorry about it because she always loved Alastor, even back on Earth (in this AU anyway)

Mimzy's obsession is unique in that, rather than doing anything to Alastor she does things to HERSELF to get to Alastor, she doesn't have as much to be guilty of compared to others in her actions due to the curse. She gets herself into trouble, makes herself sick, self-harms, and has probably threatened to kill herself to get his attention, which not great and all very manipulative, but she never forces Alastor to do anything and could be (I don't know if I'm settled on this idea yet) rooted in her own self-esteem concerning the self-harm stuff. And it works. Alastor is canonically close to Rosie, but he never knew her until Hell so in this AU, he doesn't know who the real Rosie is. He knows who the real Mimzy is though, and he doesn't want anything bad to happen to her. So ironically, the person who pushes themselves onto Alastor the least does probably get most of his attention.

I can imagine a scene like this where he's patching her up and they're talking and Mimzy brings up how she's perhaps confused with her own feelings considering how different they are from life. And I can just imagine Alastor feeling more ill at the idea of Mimzy having always loved him romantically but never saying anything if she confessed that, despite how crazy her feelings for him feel in Hell are, the feeling of love and wanting him in a way he doesn't reciprocate was always true since their time alive.

I'm just rambling, but like I said in the ask Mimzy is probably one of the more tragic cases of what the curse does to Alastor's relationships. She's also probably the closest Alastor can feel to having a true friend again, even if Mimzy is still pretty far from her actual self around him. But she's familiar and would probably be the biggest driving force for him to try and get rid of the curse (other than the obvious harassment). He enjoyed Rosie before she made him sick, and he enjoyed Vox before he revealed to be the absolute worst in his thoughts about what he wanted from and to do to Alastor, but Alastor only knew them in Hell. And as far as he's aware, the curse starts immediately, so he NEVER knew the real Rosie or Vox. But Mimzy was someone he knew and wanted to be real with again... and could pretend to be real with again given a few drinks.

[pnfc]

here is some train-of-thought writing that came out today while i was thinking about labels/identity for d&p, sexuality and gender.

18+ for (brief) sex scenes, you’ve been warned, door is over there etc

When Perry laid out the realities of his private life to the Flynn-Fletcher family it was not, in his preplanning mind, a gay coming-out. That was like the 9th or 10th layer of the curtain he was pulling away in the grand reveal, a flimsy one attendant in its connection to Heinz Doofenshmirtz and all the messiness he embodied, mortal threats on Perry and tristate domination schemes and more than one cringeworthy viral video.

So it’s sweet and befuddling to Perry when Phineas and Ferb gift him a handknitted rainbow pride scarf for his birthday that year, maybe the last people he’d expect to take that particular tack.

“Phineas is really taking to Home Ec,” Ferb tells Perry as they refill at the coffee table. “I don’t mean to devalue our shared gift in your eyes, but he made that in just half a period, it was his first project. And I think,” Ferb continues in his low voice, as he retrieves the creamer for Perry. “He might be just a little excited to have a gay family member.”

That’s what Perry is, now that he and his connection with Heinz are out for the world to see. He’d never thought of it in those terms before, nor had Heinz used the word to describe their still-new romantic partnership. Perry’s gay and his former nemesis turned agent-partner is now his boyfriend, is the buzz at the office.

Perry thought it might have a welcome insulating effect, word spreading that Agent P isn’t into women, on an official basis this time. But it didn’t stop Agent Lyla from flirting at him, in fact seemed to goad her on, like Perry’s stony indifference to her was funny, fun to poke at. And it didn’t stop women from cooing over him in public, even with the enamel flag pin from Stacy pinned to his hand band -- again, that may have only exacerbated the situation.

But it did spare him from at least one Monogram holiday present, a profoundly haunting OWCA calendar starring female models in states of Christmassy undress, posed with plush animals. He’d yanked it back out of Perry’s hands, with what might have been bashfulness, and muttered “Gotta get a male model calendar for next year, too, so HR doesnt get on my keister. Carl! You’re in charge of the gay one.”

Perry accepted the designation of gay man, even if he didn’t feel it in his bones. It fit on him like a well tailored suit, the rainbow aesthetic was appealing, queer human history was deeply compelling and Stacy et al were so excited to share in his education on the subject, to share a place with him behind the marching banner. It affirmed Perry’s lifelong indifference to the human and non-human women he was assumed to feel attraction for. But it all felt a bit specious, since Perry harbored attraction for one person only. He couldn’t in a century feel for anyone else the way he does Heinz.

Still here he is, a man with a boyfriend, and if the fact that he’s a platypus threatens that definition, that opinion is not possessed by the people in his life who matter. So he’s gay.

Heinz shares Perry’s ambivalence around labeling, but out of a long legacy of experience that Perry lacks, so he’s a refuge in this. “Bisexual, yeah, that was the rage back in college,” he waxes nostalgic to Perry, during their nighttime couch convos. “The only way to be, unless you were a college republican finance major. But there’s pansexual now too, right? And so many flags -- Vanessa’s friends were over here trying to explain it to me. That girl Laci had so many flags on her bag, it was like the Olympics back there. Or like the last 50 years of Drusselstein regional flags from the warring states -- except like, in more colors than just grey and brown. Drusselstein had a serious dye shortage. They finally cut a deal with the Ukraine in 2006 for green, it was a real gamechanger, but it only complicated the flag design wars.”

“…Anyway it was fun to be bi, in the 80s,” Heinz says. He’s sprawled along the couch, Perry sitting against his bare bent leg, idly rubbing a paw around his knee. “Guys really put themselves together back then, they were electric. And if you slapped on enough liner and eyeshadow to partly obscure your weird shaped face maybe one of them would give you his number, if he had enough cocktails. And sometimes that number would even be legit.”

Pausing, Heinz looking up at the lofty ceiling, his head on the armrest. “I don’t know if I am bi anymore, Perry the Platypus,” he says with a note of regret. “Everyone’s just so sad now, so Linkedin and Panera Bread, even the evil scientists of the day are so sexless -- I dunno, maybe I’ve aged out of the crowd. Once I hit 30 it just seemed easier sticking with women. They can be a lot kinder, in my experience. Or at least more liable to pity a guy like me. Plus they’re, y’know, really hot -- trust me on that one, Perry the Platypus. So I dunno if I’ve got the right to be all ‘loud and proud’ just because I knew how to party in my 20s. …At least, I didn’t have the right for a good decade there.” Perry’s smirking across at him, elbow propped on the bend of Heinz’s knee. “You don’t need to give me that look,” Heinz scolds. “I know what you are to me. You don’t need to rub it in. “But, you know what I mean: you outgrow the bi phase, you get married, you work with a lot of cute dancers, accept an arduous future of heterosexual post-divorce dating efforts -- and then you, ah -- meet a very attractive platypus,” he says, struggling because Perry is pressing his hands into Heinz’s thigh, trailing a leisurely path upwards. “And it, uh. Gets confusing. …Oh my god, Perry.” His splayed leg shakes and he props it up on the back of the couch as Perry focuses on worsening the situation in his cotton workout shorts. He told Perry not to rub it in -- that’s always annoying, being told what not to do, what not to rub.

Despite all of Heinz’s wordy equivocating he is loud about Perry’s role in his life, the first to introduce Perry as his boyfriend or himself as Perry’s, though he tends to prefer the word partner, maybe for its alliterative quality. “Yes, Perry the Platypus is my partner,” is the line trod out to whichever party guest, since more often than not Perry is the one who needs no introduction. “And I mean romantic partner, just to be clear, so there’s no confusion. Because we used to be work partners too, and we still are. But we’re an item.” And if Heinz deems the partygoer in question to be sufficiently magnetic and therefore threatening he will follow this up with the even more unnecessary “So don’t even think about it.” Perry should find this more mortifying than he does, probably, except that it’s cut short conversations with a lot of people who turned out not to be worth Perry’s time. Quite efficient, letting your boyfriend trim the homophobic tallow off your social sphere with his blunt-sheared social crudity. More than one social blowout has turned into a furious makeout session back behind the venue, Perry dragging Heinz’s back down a brick wall so he can suck his tongue, so Heinz’s pleas of “Perry we’re parked right over there” muffle into whimpers under a canopy of evening cicada call.

Perry came up in OWCA right when they were transforming their internal messaging, making it superficially friendlier. Some changes were Carl’s well-meaning suggestions that became enshrined. “The agents shouldn’t be shamed out of exploring their natural desires,” was the gist of his plea to Monogram -- Perry retains a fuzzy memory of the scene, he couldn’t have been older than 3 then, was delivering a hot beverage to Monogram’s office as part of his daily duties. “Even the ones who aren’t, um… intact, they still feel things.”

“So we tell them not to. Anything less is insanity. It’s sick, Carl.” He took the heavy coffee from Perry’s hands. Perry’s palms were wet and burning. “The animals need to focus on one thing, and that’s the mission. Lord knows I don’t need to hear about whatever nasty business they get up to back at the zoo, in their off-hours. But we’re dealing with dumb, wild animals, Carl. We need to stamp out all that mating distraction with a vengeance. This is a war, Carl, against evil itself, and they’re humanity's front line.”

But Carl must’ve gotten something through, because the recruits younger than Perry endured less scare mongering around sex, fewer militaristic tirades from Monogram about the primacy of the fight and the evils of carnal temptation. Mono’s coffee mug featured a hula dancer whose bikini vanished at high temperatures -- it had always been difficult to take him seriously.

And one day they’d all been gifted a Carl-designed asexual pride tee, the OWCA logo in purple and grey, and a “Be who you are!” platitude written in Carl’s loopy cursive. This messaging was muddled to say the least. This was a human designation, asexuality, of which Perry had only partial comprehension -- and Carl seemed to be prescribing it to the agents even as his words encouraged free identity. But the design was nice, Carl had a flair for that -- the flag colors were classy and austere, not quite to Perry’s taste where t-shirts were concerned, but definitely suited to Heinz. Except Perry knew even back then that if any human pride flag fit Heinz, this was not it.

He still has that shirt bunched in the bottom of a drawer with the other old employee tees, including one with Carl’s face and chocolate stains on it. Maybe that human designation does fit Perry, in a certain technical sense. In the fall and winter. Seasons when he sits with Heinz watching trashy old 70s flicks that burgeon and bulge with more nudity than the plot demands. “You see how they filmed skin back then, Perry the Platypus?” Heinz will lament. “It’s crazy, her legs are like glowing -- people don’t look like this anymore.” He works himself up trying to explain the magic effect to Perry, while Perry just leans into his side and gazes up at him. Human attraction is cute, defanged like this, watching Heinz helpless in the thrall of some chainsmoking director’s bad movie about a city cop taking down apocalyptic gangs. And just to be mean Perry won’t touch Heinz’s hard-on -- but he’ll touch everywhere else, as the movie plays, nose his bill up the side of his shirt and kiss his hot skin, and he’ll watch Heinz shudder his way to breaking point, whereat he digs himself out of his pants and pulls himself off in a few fast strokes. Perry doesn’t need to get off to enjoy this. It satisfies just like the old thwartings. Perry’s just hitting other self-destruct buttons, on Heinz’s body -- he’s really one big button, if Perry’s honest, and Perry savors pushing it again, and again, and again.

So he could take or leave the labels. He likes that he and Heinz cut a different shape, one that doesn’t slot neatly into a human-made hole. But they mean a lot to the kids, Perry observes, as they grow into high schools and colleges, as they get passionate and motivated, as Vanessa breaks up with Monty and doesn’t look back. And Perry, Perry’s not even a person to so many of the humans he encounters, much less one with an orientation worth caring about. So it’s nice. He carries the cheery rainbow umbrella with the London skyline that Lawrence brought back from across the pond. He wears Ferb and Phineas’s snazzy rainbow scarf, Stacy’s hat pin. It’s not borne deep in Perry’s bones, this identity, but it’s a lovely accent, fortified by the people he loves. No depth required.

Which is why it does not seem too jarring, many years in the future, a decade onward, when his partnership with Heinz looks different. After they’ve danced through years of late night karaoke, hitting up gay bars and the vanishingly rare sapient-animal-friendly club, both of them growing loose and happy in their linkage to each other, holding each other’s hands and feeling the clink-clink of their rings. It was just more playtime for both of them, Heinz bustling around Perry to deck him out in 70s throwback fits with the big cheesewedge collars and migraine stripes, Perry standing tiptoe to zip up Heinz’s dress as he sits craned forward on the floor, holding frizzy wig ringlets out of the way, before Perry smooths his hands out across Heinz’s shoulders and he lets the hair bounce back down.

It’s still play, maybe, until the year that Heinz’s mousy hair is long and shoulder-brushing. Perry lounges in the balcony hammock with one hand trailing on the ground, as he watches Heinz pull it up into a ponytail before tearing into a vintage radio repair, an ongoing collaboration with Lawrence. And something that wasn’t serious now is, because even now, dressed down in oil-stained sweats and a holey tee, with wispy silver hair and no 80s eyeshadow on to obscure her charming face, Perry sees that she’s beautiful.

Perry wants to tell her this, when they’re getting in from an anniversary dinner out. He has the words in his hands, he’s already told her several times, because she needed to hear it those first few staggering attempts to hit the daytime streets in skirts, that she looked right in them, looked cute. Perry says it differently now, as he presses her down into the pillow with a hand, leaning across her skinny torso. Heinz’s natural hair fans the pillow, heat-curled and sprayed for the special night. Perry presses his soft bill to her forehead, trails down to her rouged cheek, further down to her lips, where her plum purple lipstick looks black in the dark. Perry says it with hands down her face, trailing into her soft hair and gripping it tight as she touches him. He says it with clawmarks trailing up her thighs and snapping the net of her tights as he swallows her down, the ritualistic tearing of Heinz’s fabric newly modified into a synthetic cherry pop, and if in the dark beads of blood flower up under his claws Perry licks them too, with love and apology, with a want to get more of Heinz into him. And he says it one more time when she’s asleep and curled around him like the crescent moon, and he reaches in to unhook her earrings, puts them on the nightstand.

Is Perry gay now, when the shape of him and Heinz seems so the same, despite her changes? Well, it’s not the most pressing question. It’s hard enough contemplating how Perry will introduce his girlfriend to his family, when he used to swear up and down the day would never come. But not girlfriend, wife, and not wife, partner -- so he’s circumvented it rather ingeniously, actually, a fact he hopes Phineas and Ferb appreciate. They decide to do it that week, packing the fixed-up radio and a few fresh loaves of zucchini bread, decoratively ribboned, into the truck. Perry helps smooth Heinz’s hair in the driver’s seat, and Heinz smooths her floral skirt down before taking off the brakes. Perry adjusts his hat in the mirror, and judges the scarf around his neck. It still looks cute on him, now flaming more vibrant in hue against the greying fur of his chest. It’s still his boys, hugging around him, all the unrestrained cheesy love they felt for Perry as kids preserved in rainbow yarn. So he wears it, as he and Heinz drive ahead together through the rest of it.

[mykoreanlove]

Win you over

Part 3

„Sorry?“, he repeated dumbfounded.

„I think you’re very brave for coming up here and confessing. I’m really impressed. However, I can’t date you“, you explained.

„And why is that?“

„Because I don’t date“, you said sternly.

Hyunjin kept his cool, on the exterior. Internally however he had no idea what just had happened.

„This is the first time he ever got rejected. I can’t believe it“, Minho muttered under his breath.

„Is that like a set rule?“, he asked.

„It’s a rule I had to implement for myself.“

„Because…?“

You took a deep breath, debating whether you should disclose your reasons. Normally you wouldn’t but you felt like you had to with him. Since he was open and honest with you, you wanted to reciprocate.

„Whenever I tried dating someone I was always the one ending up with a broken heart. It always felt like love was avoiding me. After a while I just gave up“, you explained.

„Gave up?“

The thought alone made him wince in pain, Hyunjin was a hopeless romantic at heart.

„Yeah, I decided to give up on real guys.“

He nodded, feeling empathy for your decision.

„Wait, real guys?“, Minho interfered.

You chuckled nervously, you didn’t think he would catch that.

„Yeah, I substituted real guys for the one in my head.“

Minho‘s eyes widened in shock, trying to figure out if you were a severe nutcase yourself. Hyunjin however was highly intrigued.

„The one in your head?“

You nodded.

„I asked myself why I wanted to date someone in the first place. And I figured out that it was all because of certain emotions I wanted to feel. You know, feeling wanted and adored, appreciated and desired. Stuff like that“, you said with reddened cheeks.

Hyunjin‘s eyes wandered down to your body, taking in your physique.

„I know exactly what you mean“, he mumbled.

„And I figured out that I can give those feelings to myself. So, I invented a boyfriend“, you explained proudly.

„I knew she was crazy“, Minho elbowed Hyunjin.

„A boyfriend, huh?“

„Yeah, he’s basically my perfect type. I imagine him with me, sending me words of encouragement. Consoling me when I’m down, complimenting me when I look into the mirror. Stuff like that.“

„I bet she’s kissing her pillow thinking it was him“, Minho mumbled under his breath.

„I even gave him a name“, you laughed, very well aware how ridiculous all of this sounded. But you were set in your decision - this man, even though he was an invention of your mind, was the only one there for you, always by your side, no matter what.

„I see“, Hyunjin grinned. „That’s a lot to compete with“, he mused.

You packed up your stuff and got up, ready to leave.

„Thank you for understanding. Have a great life, Hyunjin.“

You waved at him and made your way home.

„Dude, I told you! Psychologists are all crazy! Like what the fuck was that? She had a made up boyfriend? That’s a grown woman!“

Hyunjin however was unfazed, smiling from ear to ear.

„What are you smiling about?“

„I’m going to make her mine.“

„What?!“, Minho yelled. „Are you out of it?“

Hyunjin took a step closer to his friend, determination in his brown eyes.

„Hyung, I’m going to show her that I’m better than the guy she made up in her mind. I will break down her walls and show her that fiction can’t even come close to what I can give her. Believe me when I say this - I will win her over.“

[sequinsmile-x]

Wealthy

Emily finds out she's pregnant, and she wants to tell Aaron as part of his birthday present. All she has to do first, is make sure it's still a secret by the end of the day.

-x-

Hi besties,

Here is Aaron's slightly belated birthday fic!!

It is a variation of a theme I wrote a long time ago, but with a completely different approach (IYKYK) <3

Humour is so hard to write, so I really hope you enjoy this!

As always, let me know what you think <3

-x-

Warnings: pregnancy

Words: 3.2k

Read over on Ao3, or below the cut

Emily smiles at the sound of her family’s laughter coming from downstairs, Aaron and Jack’s matching laughs mixing in with Élodie’s giggle. She can picture her husband making breakfast, their two-year-old on his hip and Jack next to them, his eyebrows furrowed in concentration as he diligently helps his father pour out the dry ingredients for pancakes.  

There were times when she still couldn’t believe that this was her life. That she had a husband and two kids. A boy she loved as her own who called her Mom and a little girl with her smile and Aaron’s eyes. Her home not the house she had bought with her trust fund, but the people who lived in it.  A family she’d built from the rubble of her old life, her days now filled with a type of happiness she’d spent most of her life convincing herself wasn’t real. The stuff of books and movies and fairytales made for little kids to help them sleep at night in a world that was big and scary. But it was real. She found it in Aaron’s smile, in the way he loved her so deeply and without condition. It was in Jack’s laughter, the innocence and hope in his eyes that he’d managed to keep despite everything he went through so young. It was in Élodie’s fearlessness, in her love for life and the way she would press her face against Emily’s neck when she fell asleep.

She blows out a breath as the timer on her phone blares out in the bathroom, and she quickly turns it off. She gives herself a moment before she looks down, a laugh turning into a gasp as as covers her mouth to capture it. 

Happiness was in the positive pregnancy test she was holding in her hands. 

They’d been trying again ever since Élodie turned one. It had taken longer this time, each negative test stealing a bit of her hope that she’d get to do this again. That she’d get to have a third child, feel another one of her babies grow beneath her skin and bring them into the world. Usually, Aaron would be right on the other side of the door, ready to come in and comfort her or celebrate with her, but today was different for two reasons. 

Firstly, this time she was sure she was pregnant. She was exhausted, her boobs hurt, she needed to pee all the time and all of a sudden she felt like a bloodhound - coffee, hot sauce and anything with a strong smell enough to make her gag the moment she noticed them. 

The second reason was that it was Aaron’s birthday. 

She hadn’t told him her suspicions partially because she didn’t want to let him down again. She knew he hid his disappointment from her each month, all of his concentration on her and her feelings, his own sadness pressed into kisses he’d drop against the top of her head as she threw away another negative test. 

She also just really wanted to surprise him. 

A part of her that she couldn’t ignore, a part that was an old romantic, had come back to life when she first kissed Aaron. It had been laying dormant for a long time, pushed down into the recesses of her chest to a place she thought it would never escape from, but he brought it out of her. Made her want to do silly, cheesy, things like find an adorable way to tell her husband that he was going to be a father again. It was even more important to her since she hadn’t had the chance to do it with Élodie. They’d found out she existed by mistake, a simple check-up in a hospital in a town Emily had forgotten the name of after an unsub got a little rough with her during his arrest. Aaron had insisted she went to the hospital, something he’d claimed was the right call when the doctor confirmed she had a concussion, and she agreed because she could never so no when he looked at her with worry shining in his eyes.

She knew she’d never forget the look on the doctor’s face when he casually mentioned her pregnancy, clearly unaware they didn’t know until she and Aaron looked at him like he’d grown two heads. 

As much as she loved that part of their story, she wanted it to be different this time. She wanted to tell him herself, to see the joy take over his face and as the realisation set in, his dimples carved out in his cheeks before he pulled her into a tight hug. 

She wanted the stuff of movies and books and fairytales. 

She chuckles as she looks down at the test again and she slips it back into the box and then her purse, not wanting Aaron to accidentally come across it whilst she was at work. She wipes a tear from her cheek and then presses her hand onto her belly, rubbing her thumb back and forth just below her belly button.

“Well, you have excellent timing baby,” she says blowing out a breath, knowing she had to somehow get it together before she went downstairs. Aaron may have retired when Élodie was born, but he was still a damn good profiler, and she didn’t want him to see that something had changed the moment he looked at her. She had a plan that involved telling him when she got home from work when Jack and Élodie were in bed and it was just the two of them, “I love you so much already, and Daddy does too. Even if he doesn’t know about you yet.” 

She looks at herself once in the mirror, makes sure her makeup hasn’t slipped down her cheeks along with her happy tears, and she grabs her purse from the counter and heads downstairs. 

She smiles as she walks into the kitchen, holding her breath for a moment when the smell of coffee overwhelms her, swallowing thickly against the bile that attempts to rise up her throat. She’d distracted from the nausea when Jack runs over and wraps his arms around her. 

“Morning, kiddo,” she says, hugging him back and ruffling his hair, “Did you sleep okay?”

He nods, leaning against her for a second, “Did you sleep okay, Mom?” 

His kindness, the way he cared for others, never failed to amaze her. He never failed to make her proud to be his mom, “I slept just fine, baby.” 

“Mama!” Élodie calls out from Aaron’s arms, apparently bored of not being the centre of her mother’s attention. Emily smiles and squeezes Jack before she steps away, her arms open wide to her daughter. 

“Hi sweet girl,” she says, taking her from Aaron and kissing her forehead before she leans in to kiss her husband, smiling when she tastes pancake batter on his lips, “And happy birthday to the birthday boy,” she says, stamping her lips against his again. 

“Thanks, sweetheart,” he says, his hand seeking out her hip, “Do you want birthday pancakes before you head to work?” 

She smiles to cover the way her stomach lurches at the thought, and she shakes her head, “I don’t think I’ll have time, honey,” she says, “I’m sorry I have to work on your birthday-”

“Em, you don’t have to apologise,” he says, cutting her off, his smile soft and full of love, “I used to do the job, remember? I get it.” 

She’d taken over as Unit Chief when he retired, her cumulative experience in the BAU and her time at Interpol enough to make her more than qualified. She’d struggled with the idea of it at first, sure Aaron would have a problem with her literally replacing him, but he’d been nothing but supportive. 

“I’ll be home for dinner, okay?” She promises, knowing it was one she could keep because Penelope had assured her there would be no cases until after Aaron’s birthday, a statement she had chosen to not question any further, sure that plausible deniability would help her if needed. 

“Okay,” he says, kissing her again before he steps back, allowing her a moment to say goodbye to Élodie before he takes her back, “Okay Mini Hotch’s,” he says, smiling when Emily rolls her eyes at the nickname the team had assigned the kids, “Let’s eat breakfast,” he turns to Jack and smiles, “And then it’s time to get ready for school, buddy.” 

Jack nods and starts to plate up his breakfast, and Emily smiles at Aaron, “I’ll see you later, at lunchtime?”

“See you later, sweetheart. Love you.” 

She smiles and steps out of the kitchen, “I love you too.” ___

The team were acting strangely. 

She noticed the moment she arrived. They were looking at her and whispering when they thought she wasn’t paying attention, and the moment they knew she was paying attention they were acting like Élodie and Jack when they were caught doing something they shouldn’t be doing. Looking up at the ceiling and pretending she couldn’t see them. 

It comes to a head during the team meeting. Her ever-present nausea, the ache in her boobs and her sudden aversion to everything with milk in it, meaning she couldn’t have her favourite tea, was making her aggravated, so she does the one thing she never does with her team. With her friends. 

She loses her patience. 

“Okay,” she says, cutting Derek off as he throws another weird look at her as he’s discussing a case, and she throws her pen down on the round table, “What’s going on?” 

They all go wide-eyed, their matching expressions something that would make her laugh if they weren’t pissing her off so much. They look at each other and Dave clears his throat, nominating himself as the group’s spokesperson. 

“Why do you think something is going on?” 

She glares at him and narrows her eyes, “You’re all acting like we’re in high school and there’s a rumour about me you’re all discussing,” she says, knowing she’s on to something the moment Penelope avoids eye contact with her, “So will someone please tell me what is going on so we can go back to being adults with important jobs, not teenagers with nothing better to do.” 

The team all look at each other again and JJ sighs, her hands clasped on the table in front of her as she leans forward, “We…we know you’re pregnant.” 

Whatever Emily thought they were going to say, it wasn’t that. Her mouth falls open a few times as she tries to figure out what to say, at a loss for words until she finally chokes out a response, “What?” 

“We know you’re pregnant,” JJ repeats, “Em, I am so sorry-”

“How…how the hell do you all know?” She asks, looking back and forth between them all, “I only found out a couple of hours ago. The pregnancy test is still in my purse.” 

Derek screws up his face, “You peed on something and then put it in your purse?” He asks, his disgust turning into something close to fear when she glares at him, “Not the point, I know.” 

She blows out a slow breath, “How do you all know?” 

The room falls into silence for a moment before Dave pipes up, “Derek told me.” 

“Well JJ told me,” Derek says, immediately trying to take himself out of the line of fire, making JJ scoff and throw her pen at him. 

“Penelope told me,” she says, raising her eyebrow at the other women, “Only minutes after she found out by the way.” 

Emily turns to look at Penelope and raises her eyebrow, “Pen…”

“Reid told me!” She says, blurting it out, surprising everyone else in the room except her and the man in question, all of them now looking at her like she had lost her mind before they turn to look at Spencer, their heads tilted in curiosity. 

“I might live to regret this question,” Emily says, her irritation tampered down by shock, “But how the hell did you know I was pregnant?” 

Spencer, his eyes wide like he was a deer in headlights, swallows thickly, “I don’t know if I want to answer.” 

“Spencer,” she says, her tone a warning that she usually uses on the kids, and he nods clearing his throat. 

“Your period was late.” 

For the second time in a few minutes, she finds herself speechless, “I knew I’d regret asking,” she murmurs to herself, rubbing her temple. 

“How the hell do you know that, boy genius?” Derek asks, “Little creepy.” 

“It’s a pattern,” he exclaims, his hands up to defend himself, “I’m good at recognising them, and she hasn’t had milk in her tea for days, just like when she was having Élodie, and-”

“I think we’ve all heard enough,” Emily says, stopping him from going any further. She sighs and shakes her head, “Look, Aaron doesn’t know yet. And I’m telling him later so for your sake,” she says, addressing them all, “You’d better hope one of you doesn’t tell him.” 

“We’re not going to see him before you tell him, ” Derek assures her and she rolls her eyes. 

“He and Él are coming to get me for lunch because it’s his birthday.” 

They all go wide-eyed again, and this time she sees the humour in it, barely hiding her smile as JJ nods, “We’ll make sure we’re out of the way when he gets here,” she says, and she turns to Spencer, “Do you track all of our menstrual cycles?” 

Dave leans over and pats Spencer on the shoulder, “As someone who’s worked in law enforcement since before you were born, kid - my advice on this is to plead the fifth.”

___

She’s grateful that by the time she’s home for the evening, Aaron is none the wiser. The team kept their promise a little too well and entirely avoided him when he came in to meet her for lunch. If he thought it was strange he didn’t say anything, happy to be having lunch with his wife and his little girl on his birthday. 

As soon as Emily was home they ordered dinner, and after they ate she sat and watched Aaron open his gifts, smiling as Élodie sat in her lap. Clapping her tiny hands as Aaron made a big deal of the hand-made cards from her and Jack. Once he’d opened all of his gifts from Emily and the kids, bar the one still in her purse, they put the kids to bed. They divide and conquer - something she knows will be harder when they add a third kid to their family - and she paces Élodie’s room with the toddler in her arms until she falls asleep. She takes a moment to breathe her in, to acknowledge that the countdown is now on until Élodie is no longer the baby of the family, and she lays her down in her bed. 

“Good night, sweet girl,” she says, kissing her forehead, “Mama loves you.” 

She sneaks out of the room and pauses, smiling when she hears Aaron downstairs. She pops into Jack’s room, kisses him on the forehead and adjusts the covers around him before she heads downstairs, nerves tingling under her skin as she grabs her purse and pulls the small gift bag out of it, the pregnancy test from that morning safely tucked inside of it. 

“Honey,” she calls out, “Where are you?” 

“In the living room,” he calls back and she follows his voice, smiling when she finds him sitting on the couch, her gaze drawn towards the two glasses of champagne on the table, the bubbles distracting her for a moment before Aaron clears his throat, “Is that for me?” 

She looks down at the bag in her hands and she nods, joining him on the couch, her knees knocking against his as she gets as close as she can, “Yeah, it is,” she says as she hands it over, her lips pressed together as she tries to contain her smile, “I wanted to wait until the kids were in bed.” 

He smiles and opens the bag, pushing aside the tissue paper, “I’m glad,” he says dryly, raising his wrist as he raises his eyebrow at her, “I was starting to think that the Rolex was going to be my only gift…” he drifts off when he pulls out the pregnancy test, his words caught in his throat as he looks down at the digital screen. He looks back up at her, his eyes shining, “Em…”

“I took the test this morning,” she says, swallowing thickly, “I had a feeling and I was right.” 

“We’re having another baby?” He asks, and she nods, a sound somewhere between a sob and a laugh caught in her throat. 

“Yeah, we’re having another baby,” she says, and he pulls her into a hug, his arms tight around her, “I love you.” 

“I love you too,” he replies, kissing the top of her head and then her lips as he pulls back, “This is the best birthday present ever.” 

She chuckles, her teeth sinking into her lower lip as she rests her forehead against his, “Even better than the Rolex?” 

“Better than a dozen Rolexs,” he says, kissing her again before he reaches for the glasses on the coffee table, “Here you go, we should celebrate.” 

She smiles and clinks her glass against his, taking a sip before she thinks about it. She realises what she’s done the moment she drinks it, but frowns when she tastes apple cider, not champagne. She swallows it and frowns at her husband, narrowing her eyes at the obvious attempt to hide a smile, “Wait, this is apple cider.” 

He clears his throat and takes a sip, “Yes. It is.” 

She stares at him for a few seconds, trying to figure out what his smirk means, but then it clicks, and she gasps as she lightly hits his chest, “You knew I was pregnant?” 

He nods, reaching out for her hand when she tries to slap his chest again and lifts it to kiss her knuckles, “Yes. But-”

“How did you know? Why didn’t you tell me?” 

“You’ve been exhausted lately, you can barely stand the smell of coffee and this morning you went green over the mention of pancakes,” he says, kissing her knuckles again before he lets their joint hands fall to his lap, “And I didn’t tell you because I knew how important it was to you to tell me.” 

She shakes her head at him lovingly and leans in to kiss him, “You’re a good man, Aaron Hotchner,” she says, kissing him again, “The best actually,” she leans against him and lets herself enjoy the moment, takes it and sits in it before she furrows her brow and looks up at him, “This means I was the last to know that I’m pregnant.” 

He smiles and then it slips into a frown, his brows furrowing together, “Wait, what do you mean you were the last to know?” 

[calypsolemon]

I mean ok obviously I'm being a bit reductive here, the situations are much different, but I do think that DR is really making me view Skybound through an interesting retroactive lens.

I think it's very easy to reduce Skybound down to "Jay's being an entitled sexist prick and the writers bend the story to make Jaya happen" Which hasn't really been my read for a while anyways (I think its a little more complex than that regardless of DR's existence), but I think especially with the context of DR and Nya's reaction to Jay now, there's some interesting qualities of her relationship to Jay in Skybound to pick at.

Nya's primary conflict around actually being with Jay in Skybound wasn't that she didn't like him like that, or didn't have any desire to be with him. It's obvious that she did. The problem is that she had to reconcile that feeling with what she saw of Jay's behavior when faced with the possibility of her not loving him, as well as the way all of Ninjago treated her and her potential romantic relationships as nothing but drama fodder, a will-they-won't-they that doggedly pointed to "inevitably, Will." She had to really process what it meant to her that Jay was supposedly destined to be with her, and that when she really thought about it, she still wanted that, and yet the start of their relationship seemingly proved that wasn't a good idea.

I do think Skybound's main failure was that it didn't really succeed in giving that conflict a meaningful conclusion. But that, I think, is where DR (and to a lesser degree, Seabound/ Crystallized)'s Jaya plots really shine. Because now we begin to see a pattern emerge around Nya's behavior and her relationship to concepts of destiny and set roles.

Nya hates being forced into a role. She hates seeing her identity as pre-determined. That's something the fandom often hones in on. But the less mentioned quality of her character, one that's often discounted even as noncanon or bad writing, is that once she accepts a role as part of her life, she equally struggles to cope with having that role suddenly taken from her.

She fought against accepting the role of the water ninja, but once she became the water ninja, she feared losing it again. She railed against the idea that she could ever be put in the same position as her mother, and yet when it came down to it she gave in to the same acceptance of a tragic fate, allowing her identity to disappear into the sea for quite a long period of time. Then, when she came out of that fate lacking her powers, she threw a fit tossing all of her ninja stuff, as if she'd have to give up being a part of the team altogether even though she knew that her powers were never the thing that made her part of the team in the first place.

Nya doesn't want to be told what to do with her life. She doesn't want to be told she doesn't have a choice. But once she makes the inevitable "choice" that life has handed to her, she just as equally does not want to let go. And for understandable reason! You mean to tell her that she fought tooth and nail against a role until finally giving in, only to be told to just accept she'll no longer even be that? That's some real bullshit!

And this is where the DR stuff with Jay comes in. Because this is another example of that. She WANTED to be with Jay, she made the choice to be with Jay despite the baggage associated with that. And she was happy! She made the right choice, she's happy, the universe is happy, the end. Even if tragedy already occurred to them, it was, at least, to her mind, a noble sacrifice for Jay's sake. Another inevitability life handed to her, but it did not conflict with her role as Jay's life partner.

But now..... now, Jay is not lost. He's not gone. He's standing right in front of her, memory gone, but physically and spiritually intact. He just wants nothing to do with her. Just like that, that inevitable destiny, that forever that she thought she at least had the honor of accepting gracefully, crumbles into nothing. At least, if she accepts that's how Jay really feels now, that in his current state he's a whole person with his own autonomy, in the same way she was back when he was acting like her rejection of him was a problem to be solved.

Problem is, Nya doesn't like crumbly cookies. She never has.

DR retroactively making Skybound better by proving that if situations were reversed Nya would be just as Weird About It as Jay was the first time around. well I'm happy for them <3

[s4pphic-sh3nan1gans]

slight predicament: I have a very vague idea for a fanfic but the only problem is I'd be basing it on a recent real-life personal experience with someone and that someone has expressed lots of interest in my fanfics and would for sure read it and most likely connect the dots of the inspiration behind it andddddd y'know, I can't be having that- 😶

[undead-moth]

I know I've been on about this for a while now and I'm being a hater but you're telling me SydCarmy was "always meant to be platonic" even though there are two seasons of writing making use of tried-and-true explicitly romantic tropes, themes and writing signals, and SydLuca is going to be romantic because...he was nice to her on screen for a few minutes?

I don't even care if people ship SydLuca, or if they just prefer it, but you can't honestly tell me that you believe Carmy was always meant to be a friend but Luca is an obvious love interest.

Just because Syd and Carmy haven't kissed or confessed their love to each other doesn't mean that isn't very obviously the direction this show is going. The Bear has already shown you who is endgame. It has shown you every episode of the show so far.

Honestly I really don't think The Bear fanbase understands this show or cares about these characters or the story being told here, which is unfortunate because this show is shockingly well-written in comparison to most shows right now, and we should be so grateful for it but all we're doing is complaining that the writers led us on by not making a ship canon fast enough. It's just. Sad.

[sciderman]

Sometimes i remember a comics moment i randomly came across somewhere, where Sam Wilson mentiones a musical and Steve Rodgers says he doesn't like musicals, to whitch Sam goes "Guess that means you really are straight" and even tho i don't care about Cap America or the Avengers, the moment stuck in me for that quote by Sam. And like....Sci, any ideas if straight men actually don't like musicals or is that bullshit?

actually i think i know more gay men who hate musicals than i know straight men who hate musicals. i've had a drag queen stop me point blank when i was about to sing a barbra streisand song, and i know so many gays who pointedly hate abba. so based on my experience i think the inverse is true. most of the straight men i know are kind of impartial about musicals, but gay men? hate.

my theory is that a lot of gay men don't want to fall into stereotypes, maybe. but thaaaaat's just a theory! a gay theory.

[cursesavior]

Suguru smiles gently at his softly-spoken words - of course he knew he was Satoru's first true friend. He used to make fun of him for it all the time, actually, tease him about just how obvious it was that he had absolutely zero social skills and not the slightest clue about how the whole friendship thing worked. He was so annoying at first- he still is sometimes- and it drove Suguru to his wits end how he would sneer at him and get on his ass for being weaker. But eventually he realized Satoru's real intentions- he'd wanted his attention, but didn't know how else to go about getting it. His patience for him grew after he realized just how lonely he must be if this is he goes about interacting with people - and here they are now.

"Yeah, I know." He turns his head to gaze into his eyes again, eyes soft and longing as he listens to him speak. Learning about the clans when he'd first become a sorcerer had been so confusing, a real pain in the ass- especially with how Satoru was so insistent on how important he was and how Suguru should know him. But he could still remember that almost indiscernible glint in his eye when he started to understand that, not only did Suguru not know what family he came from, but he truly didn't care. He kept pushing him, insisting upon himself and seeing if he would buy into the Gojo clan hype, but he never did. Never viewed him as some kind of deity, but saw him as the irritating, brash, lonely teenager he is. Well, at least he's not lonely anymore. He can be proud of that.

"Mm," He gives a sympathetic hum when he reveals how he used to run away as a child just to, well, be a child, heart aching in his chest for him. It's not like Suguru had some perfect idyllic childhood, but at least he had one. Satoru never got the chance to be a kid, which was why he was always so quick to indulge when he wanted to goof off, laughed along whenever he was being silly- that's part of it, anyways. He almost gasps when he feels his fingers tracing his skin, but once their fingers lock together he squeezes his hand, turning on his side to face him better, keeping their hands held preciously between them. "Don't you ever think about what it would've been like if we had met earlier? If we just ran into each other while you were wandering around... I think I would've wanted to be your friend back then, too." He wonders how different things could've been- if they could've found solace from both of their loneliness in each other so early in their lives. It leaves him feeling bittersweet, but he has no regrets. "Well, even if it took us a while to meet, I'm still happy with the time we've had. We have the rest of our lives, after all."

It almost sounds romantic, if he allows his mind to wander like that. Til death do they part, right? He can't imagine his life without Satoru at this point, and with how clingy the other is it feels safe to say the feeling is mutual, even if Suguru feels... A little more than he should. But they have plenty of time. Even if it never expands beyond best friends, he should just be happy that he has so many more years with him to look forward to. He sighs to himself, eyes fluttering for a moment as he hesitates, teeth digging into his bottom lip as he wonders just how much he should share.

"You know... I never had a lot of friends, either, especially not as a kid. There weren't any sorcerers in my village, so everyone either thought I was cursed or just crazy. Rumors spread fast, so nobody really wanted to get close to me..." Eventually he'd learned to just keep his mouth shut about the strange and horrifying things he saw on a daily basis, but by that time the damage had already been done. Even in middle school, the whispers about 'the Geto boy' persisted, despite how hard he tried to fit in and become a model student... But that doesn't matter anymore. He could finally be himself and have someone who appreciated him for who he really was, and it feels like a weight off his chest. He squeezes his hand again, thumb running over his knuckles affectionately as he resists the urge to lift them to his lips and plant a kiss against his skin. "So I'd be pretty lonely without you, too. It really must be fate, huh?"

          The thing is, is he would build a shrine for him if he could, if he knew that Suguru wouldn't look at him differently for doing so. He's seen many idols who he thinks deserve it less; Suguru is easily one of the best people he has ever met. Someone who actually makes a difference, who looks at people and sees what's hidden deeper down, doesn't just divulge in the persona that rests on the surface. He would've been someone different had Suguru not spoken to him, had they not been paired together. But Suguru had called him out on the person that he had been, challenges his views at any given point, and something about it…it feels natural. It feels like home, far more than his clan home has ever felt. So yes, he would happily build a shrine to him. He would happily dedicate so many things to him, had he just…stepped forward and been able to tell him all of it. But it's hard  ––  when it all hangs in the balance, when he tends to love someone so much but know that they're everything no matter what, how is he supposed to traverse it?

          So no. For now he won't build that shrine, won't bat his eyes at Suguru in the way that he means for it to be, because they aren't ready for that conversation. He doesn't know if he will ever be. But it's fine. For now, he can look at Suguru like he hung the stars in the sky outside and be content.

          Blue eyes soften; he rolls onto his side so that he can watch his profile, keeps himself silent for a moment as he speaks. Anyone else would've been interrupted and he would've been annoying about it, but Suguru's the one that always has his full attention. It's always been that way, even before they found friendship. It's like he instinctively just knew that Suguru would wind up being important to him.  "You know you're my first actual friend, right?"  His voice is soft, testing the waters between the two of them. It's not abnormal for them to have conversations like this  ––  Satoru regularly indulges him in all sorts of conversations, from silly to serious and everything in between. But this feels personal, like cracking open his chest and allowing Suguru to actively view inside. 

          "Everyone else…it was always because of the name. When I was a kid, everything was studying and honing my technique. I used to sneak out to try and feel normal."  Which was horrendous, given the fact that he always had a damn bounty on his head. He had been desperate enough to not care  ––  he was a child. Eyes are careful though when he looks at Suguru  ––  if he had encountered him as a child, would things have been less lonely? Teeth bite into his bottom lip for a second before he reaches out, gives into the urges that keep rising up  ––  he drags his fingers along the backs of Suguru's, then slots his fingers in between.  "Curse users, sorcerers, anything in between. I'm glad that fate put us together because I would be really lonely without you."

[dancedance-resolution]

well fellas it’s happening i think i am maybe developing a crush on the girl ive been fucking recently 🫥

[ninelivesastrology]

Y'all gonna hate me for this one, but you can't call it a homoerotic friendship if that woman was never into you. It's called lust, limerence and delusion.