#not that its gonna be a complete game changer or even be noticed at all

[frankotalk]

im having so much fun writing cadet because hes just like this every day

[hostess-of-horror]

Red Feathers - A Discotrain Story [Part 2]

Inspired by "Red Feathers" created by the wonderfully talented @the-confuktor

"A Hat in Time" and its characters belong to Gears for Breakfast

Summary: Production has been booming, and the movie is almost finished. There is only one scene to make - the grande finale. Meanwhile, the Conductor struggles with his affection. Will he deny it... Or will he surrender?

Content Includes: Suggestiveness (not explicit NSFW), 'fake' blood and gore use, alcohol use, and swearing.

----

Red Feathers was almost complete.

He hated to admit it, but he, DJ Grooves, and their crews did an amazing job. Things went by more smoothly than he thought. Before any of this, producing movies took more than trial and error. Far worse than just a few re-recordings or budget cuts. Everything was going so well that he hadn't noticed his drinking habits had lessened greatly. Sure, the Conductor still loved his scotch, but now he was drinking out of leisure than futile escapism.

As he was lying down on a lounging couch, the Conductor stared up at the ceiling in deep thought. He had read script; this was the moment. The finale scene to wrap up the entire story. He didn't know how to approach it. Should he just lie there and take it? He only had a few lines; it should be easy. The Conductor ponders as he touches his right side. His vest was missing, leaving his shirt completely unbuttoned, exposing his entire upper body. On his right side was a large fake gash, made by the makeup department, oozing with 'blood'. His fingers caught a few drops, sticky to the touch.

This should be easy. It has to be. It's just a few lines. That's all it is.

Is it?

"Are you ready, darling? Oh, I can feel it now! This movie is gonna be a huge game-changer!", DJ Grooves exclaimed with an excited grin. The Conductor sits up. How long has he been lying around? It almost felt like hours. "Hm. Yeah... Aye agree.", the Conductor responded. Admittedly, he almost always liked how DJ Grooves tried to remain positive. It was something he himself lacked most of the time: patience. The only time he had ever had patience was for whenever he edited his movies or babysitting his grandchildren. DJ Grooves clapped his flippers in glee, his smile widening. His eyes glistened with delight. If the Conductor looked closer, he could have sworn the Moon Penguin had stars in his eyes.

It was funny. The sight of his rival showing enthusiasm used to be so annoying to him.

"Everyone, to your places! Let's get this show on the road!", announced a Moon Penguin. "Let's make this scene perfect!", exclaimed an Express Owl. The Conductor immediately gets up from the couch, following DJ Grooves to their positions out of the shot. He leans against DJ Grooves, wrapping one arm around his neck. His body shudders as he feels a flipper around his waist. DJ Grooves glances over and shoots a gentle smile at him.

If it hadn't been the time to shoot a scene, the Conductor would have easily froze in place. Paralyzed... Just like before.

And he would do more than that, if he wanted him too.

"Lights! Camera!

ACTION...!"

-

Painful moans escape the Investigator's beak as Count Groovula carries him over to a nearby lounging couch. He winces, letting out a yelp, as he is carefully laid. The two had won the war against the Order of Valdemar, but not without a scratch. Count Groovula examines the injuries. The wound on the Investigator's side is a scar, long and deep, oozing with fresh blood. The sight entices him; he could feel his tongue and throat ache with hunger. But he holds back, trying to control his overwhelming senses. The Investigator sharply inhales, gasping, cursing in pain. Tears stream down his face.

Investigator: "PEEECK!"

Count Groovula takes off his coat in an attempt to wrap up the gash. This makes the Investigator scream even more. The makeshift bandage is pressed tightly to his side to stop the bleeding.

Count Groovula: "The wound is deep... You're losing..." *salivates and swallows* "So much blood..."

Investigator: "Ah peck...!" *inhales sharply* "Ahh-!"

Count Groovula: "Shit!"

The Investigator's cries lessen as his breathing slows down. He breathes heavier, and heavier, and heavier... He feels the vampire softly placing his flipper on his chest as he slowly become drowsy.

Investigator: *gasps for breath* "Don't... sugarcoat it for me... Just... tell me...."

Count Groovula: *nods his head* "...."

Investigator: "Please...!"

Count Groovula: "Your heart is beating so fast. It's throbbing, using whatever strength it has left. Gods..."

Investigator: "So... This is it, huh? Heh... I'd say we've put up a good fight, eh?"

Count Groovula: "...."

Investigator: "You know, Aye figured it would end like this. My work would one day do me in. And I was certainly not going down like some cowardly peck neck. I... had that thought every single day. Hehehe..." *grins weakly* "Yae'd think... Yae'd think ya get used to the idea... So much so that it was destined to be fate. Well... Here Aye am. Fresh from battle, having conquered the horrors that prey on our world..."

Count Groovula reaches for the Investigator's hand and holds it. To his deepest despair, there was nothing he could do to keep him alive. The vampire watched as the Investigator quivered, his face putting up a brave facade. The attempt is futile.

Investigator: "...."

Count Groovula: "...."

Investigator: *tearfully* "Oh Gods...! Aye... cannae believe what I'm going to say... But, I'm frightened. The thought kept running through my mind all these years, but how was Aye supposed to know? Aye don't know what to do. Aye don't know what's gonna happen. What's awaiting for me.... Please...."

The Investigator winces and sobs as he grabs onto Count Groovula's coat and pulls himself into his chest. Count Groovula is caught off guard by the vulnerable mortal before him. He pauses for a moment before finally giving him a comforting embrace.

Investigator: "I'm... scared..."

Count Groovula: "Investigator... It does not have to be this way. This is not the end."

Investigator: "....."

Count Groovula: "You will not survive, but you will not be dead. I can bring you a whole new life. A new existence. An eternity reborn from darkness. You will be far more powerful than you are now. That is, if you allow me too."

Investigator: "Count..."

Count Groovula: "I understand if you don't want this. This is only an offer. I am aware of your skepticism, but-"

Count Groovula pauses as the Investigator gently caresses his cheeks. Their eyes meet, their faces up-close (closer than ever before). The Investigator takes in a deep breath.

Investigator: "Aye accept."

Count Groovula: "Investigator, are you-"

Investigator: "No, no... Aye... was a peck neck. Aye admit it; was too stubborn and hot-headed. Thought Aye was in the right without stopping myself to realize..." *takes in a sharp breath* "That yer a creature of the night.... And that yer the... best thing that has happened to me."

Count Groovula: "...!"

Investigator: "Aye let my pride get in the way.... But not anymore. So please, take this as a sincere apology. Take my blood. Take my heart, my soul, all of me! Aye don't care if my life is on the line. I just want you... to forgive me..."

Moved by his words, Count Groovula shifts closer, pulling the Investigator into a soft embrace. Tears begin streaming down his face. He buries his face into the Investigator's shoulder. He then takes a moment and pulls down the collar all the way down, exposing the bare neck and shoulder. The Investigator swallows, taking deep breaths, and clutches the vampire's coat. He braces for impact.

Count Groovula: *gently pressing his lips against the Investigator's neck* "I forgive you, darling..."

The bite, at first, was painful. An excruciating jolt causes the Investigator to be paralyzed, his mouth agape in an attempt to scream. But nothing comes out. But as soon Count Groovula begins to drink, the pain numbs into waves of indescribable pleasure. It was unlike anything the Investigator had felt before. Every swallow of blood grows more and more overwhelming. Everything around him began drifting away, like as if a black fog is enveloping them. He can no longer think or speak - all that matters now is that sweet and exquisite sting.

He barely notices as Count Groovula lays him on the lounging couch, making himself more comfortable. The Investigator's tight grip loosens as he drifts further into unconsciousness. Finally, he becomes limp, fainting in his lover's arms. The vampire growls with satisfaction, his hunger now satiated as he finishes his feast. Count Groovula licks his lips, studying the drained owl. He grins sweetly.

Count Groovula: "Ah... Thank you, sweetheart. That was... Mmm, lovely. You were perfect."

Count Groovula then lifts himself up off of the Investigator. He wraps his arms around him, carrying him up bridal style, and holds his head close to his chest.

Count Groovula: "Don't you worry, darling.... Soon you will return from death and we will be together for all eternity."

[End Scene]

[ramblingguy54]

True Colors: An Emotionally Fantastic Serious Game Changer.

If we’re to look back at Reunion as Season 1′s dramatic pay off for Amphibia’s message of toxic friendships, as Anne & Sasha’s conflicting dynamic showed us, then True Colors is a colossal expansive note on this big theme of the series. True Colors makes Season 1′s finale look like a walk in the park for what angst goes down between our three main heroins in Season 2′s climatic resolution. Everything that can go wrong does go oh so painfully wrong for these three kids. Anne, to no one’s surprise, gets double crossed by Sasha leaving things between them a Hell of a lot more bitter than they were previously, as if that couldn’t already be topped when Sasha tried to kill the Plantars before. Anne has had enough of her lies and manipulation not being afraid to tell Sasha straight up how awful of a friend she’s been in general, even hitting her where it hurts most of all saying, “No, I’m done listening to you! I’m done trusting you! You’re a horrible person and I am done being FRIENDS with you!”, going so far as to get a shaken reaction out of Sasha dropping her brave face act, making this girl try to wipe away the frog family.

Right off the bat, True Colors makes it highly evident this isn’t just another story of stopping a bigger threat, but one hitting much closer to home, overall. Yes, King Andrias is certainly a dangerous villain, who makes his presence and intimidating nature known to the others by True Color’s final act, which despite this Amphibia isn’t entirely putting him at the forefront, rather focusing on a more intimate study of Anne, Sasha, and Marcy’s big emotional conflict. This finale knows exactly where to put its focus of importance on, so I love that instead of it being action packed we’re getting the spotlight shined on just how screwed up these three of a friendship have, in spite of Marcy claiming in The Dinner episode, “We’re supposed to be friends for life. We don’t split up!’ . Very ironic stuff right there, indeed.

True Colors’ most powerful strength it adds to Amphibia’s ongoing profound story about healthy friendships is the thorough deconstruction of these girls defined “ideal relationship” as people. Before Anne came to the world of Amphibia this kid was afraid to stand up for what she believed in, even knowing especially well that stealing the calamity box was morally questionable, but did it anyway. Sasha was super manipulative, abusive, and used her power to control people, like she did a lot of toward Anne in their lives. Marcy, while very smart, wasn’t the most competent physically, who soon grew into being more independent without needing to rely on Anne always having to be there for her. These three were changed immensely by the events of being thrust into this world of sentient amphibian creatures. Anne benefited morally most out out of all three in taking up the mantle of responsibility and ironing out her own issues. She’s become a much stronger person all around. 

This episode asks us an important question though in nutshell with, “Have Sasha & Marcy truly changed for the better?”, since Anne has reached a point in her arc feeling genuinely content with who she’s become and the bonds that have been made with the Plantar family shown most notably with Sprig Plantar. Hence the whole purpose behind the song, It’s No Big Deal, with Anne feeling proud for who she is, yet not noticing a bigger issue right underneath her nose. That previous episode was meant to bring Anne’s happiness up only to bring it all crashing down in a devastating display of new revelations in True Colors. Every dramatic emotional beat isn’t just earned. Each significant moment is completely knocked out of the park by terrific voice acting, beautiful animation, and music composition that gave me serious emotional goosebumps. True Colors did exactly as Not What He Seems accomplished for Gravity Falls in shaking up its own respective dramatic stakes just when you thought it couldn’t get any higher for these protagonists. Shit seriously hits the fan here.

Did it ever occur to you, Anne? Sasha? That one of you knew more, than she was letting on? That ONE of you might’ve gotten you stranded in Amphibia on purpose...?

The big bombshell twist of Marcy playing a part too in getting them into this whole debacle completely flips everything upside down. Sasha pushed Anne into taking the Calamity Box, yes, but if Marcy never sent that photo because of her desire to stay with them together forever, then they wouldn’t have been stranded in basically a world full of dangerous creatures and who knows what else. Easily my favorite part of the episode, considering it adds more nuance to a situation that defined Amphibia’s story. It wasn’t just one person’s fault at the end of the day. Sasha bullied Anne into taking the box, Anne didn’t put her foot down to make a stand for something morally questionable, and Marcy took advantage of them both to benefit her own selfish desires for supposedly a “happy ending” not involving them staying apart, due to her parents moving away for a new job. All three girls played an important part on why they got landed into Amphiba. It’s why Anne’s statement to King Andrias, “The three of us may have made some mistake, but you...You’re evil and I’m gonna stop you!”, holds such a real weight to it, as this story continues to solidify how genuinely fleshed out their dynamic is.

Marcy’s super desperate plea to be understood by Anne & Sasha when Andrias revealed her getting them thrown into Amphibia purposefully was hard to watch. On one hand, I felt for Marcy because she didn’t want real life circumstances to tear apart that close connection she had to Sasha & Anne. Sure, she could’ve just kept in touch with them over the phone or chatting online, too. However, Marcy had known them since very early childhood. When you’ve been so attached to someone it can be a devastating thing, depending on just how vulnerable you are emotionally, to start drifting apart. Marcy represents that embodiment of toxic need for togetherness and couldn’t bear to let a possibility, like moving away, throw a wrench into her happiness and friendship, as well.

Never mind Marcy wanting to stay permanently in a different reality, rather than face her’s, but it made this person feel like something more. It gave her a chance to feel truly special in being able to live out a fantasy dream of having such power and freedom that a kid, like herself, couldn’t have had. The freedom to know she is plenty capable of making it out there on her own without Anne having to watch this kid like a hawk. So, to have someone, or something, try taking it away from her terrified Marcy of facing a terrible truth. That she isn’t strong enough after all to live a life without Anne & Sasha by her side completely, where Marcy will never feel truly worthy enough to blossom into her own person. It’s why that line, “I just...didn’t want to be alone...”, carries such a deep pain to it all. Marcy just crumbles into pieces accepting her greatest weakness. As much as Marcy fumbled the ball big time, it’s so easy to empathize with her on the idea of feeling competent enough. Marcy never meant to hurt Anne or Sasha, but the sad crushing punchline is she very much did.

Speaking of which, Anne had every right to be upset and mad, obviously. Anne has been missing so many things from her life before everything went off the wall. Hopping Mall especially highlighted Anne’s emotional desire to give anything just to hear her mother’s singing again. This teenager has been really dealing with a lot of grief in general quite honestly. Anne got into a high stakes battle against Sasha to save new friends, who’d practically became like an adopted family, which left the poor girl traumatized and heartbroken over the end result. She thought finding Marcy would help compensate for it and eventually be able to mend those complications with Sasha to boot. It’s simply painful to see it all blow up in Anne’s face to know not only Sasha betrayed her trust yet again, but realizing Marcy also played a part of responsibility in getting them thrown here. Matt Braly really just decided to slap future trust issues onto Anne finding out Hop Pop, Sasha, and Marcy were all super dishonest in their intentions at one point or another. Damn, I feel so bad for her.

It makes their embracing hug back in Marcy At The Gates so much harder to watch. Anne was super glad to see her again. Anne had wondered what became of Marcy or even possibly started to think she could even be alive at all. Then come to find out later on Marcy having intentionally ripped her away from a normal life must’ve felt worse then what happened with Sasha. Anne, already done with all of Sasha’s bullshit, thought she could at least expect better from Marcy not letting her down, but that too wasn’t the case. Marcy is very much as flawed as Sasha in what she has done. To think, Anne wanted so badly to get back home, yet she’s staring the very person dead in the eye, who ripped her away from it to begin with. Marcy knew Sasha would talk Anne into taking the box from that thrift shop, even if she wasn’t completely certain it would successfully teleport them away. Regardless of whatever good intentions someone can have in why they did what they did, it still doesn’t absolve them of said mistake. Fact of the matter is, Marcy tragically made her own bed, by choosing to mess with forces she couldn’t begin to comprehend and now has to face consequences, in spite of her not deserving them.

What really got to me was when Marcy tried to spin around Anne’s personal growth and close friendship with the Plantars as all entirely thanks to her. When she said, “I gave you this! I gave you everything!”, I was like, “Nope, that couldn’t be any further from the truth.”, seeing everything that has culminated in Anne’s journey of bettering herself. Marcy didn’t give Anne anything, but a one way ticket to cutting the kid off from her family, presuming she’d be fine with this idea. It’s all kinds of messed up, however what it boils down to is Marcy undermining Anne’s independence and agency. Anne’s moral judgement in decision making was what allowed her to create this new life she made for herself in Amphibia. Anne’s honesty as a whole led her down a path of togetherness, while Marcy’s lying landed her in a result of not wanting to be alone, costing her so much.

“I don’t believe this. We were so focused on each other we couldn’t see what was right in front of us!”

True Colors excels at earning each of its emotional beats because they line up with character motivations down to the last letter. Anne doesn’t want to trust Sasha anymore because of their already rocky past, which leads to her helping King Andrias regain control of his kingdom. Sasha not keeping a lid on her temper, wanting to rule over Amphibia, and trying to reinforce that power dynamic with Anne & Marcy only made things worse for her image of a changed good friend. There wasn’t a chance in Hell Anne would hear Sasha’s reasoning after she flat out tried to take away her frog family, by attempting to use the Calamity Box a bit ago in the episode. Marcy wanted to believe there was a happily ever after in seeing this world traveling idea as their only chance for salvation as friends for life, but it turned out to be something much more sinister, when learning of Andrias’ backstory and his true scumbag nature. All three of their motivations come clashing together, blinding them from a much bigger danger. Something that effectively puts everyone at stake.

Amphibia’s Season 2 finale works so excellently, given it covers important dramatic elements it’s been stirring around since Season 1′s early rumblings. Amphibia is a story centered around people’s need for emotional connections. True Colors builds miraculously off what Reunion already did quite well in showing friendships can become rough and they are never easy to deal with. When you have to make a stand it can be a tough pill to swallow on the reality check of maybe this “good friend” of your’s isn’t as nice as you previously thought them to be. Anne having been hurt one too many times now by her former friend sends that message close to home, so much so even Sasha begins to question her morality as a human being. It poignantly encapsulates how this trio’s complex friendship is a serious growing issue needing to be reexamined, overall.

What if Anne’s right..? What if I am a horrible person...?

Something I absolutely love to pieces about True Colors, also a testament to Season 2′s darn good writing, is how much introspective we get from each character on what they’re feeling. We’ve seen plenty of Sasha’s vulnerability before in other episodes centered on her issues, but now we’re getting to the root of it. Sasha is really taking everything more to heart, little by little. Sasha’s understanding what kind of an effect she has on people, seeing the damage it has caused made evident by Percy and Braddock in Barrel’s Warhammer. Grime once told her, “Some dreams have a price and not everyone is willing to pay it.”, where she’s questioning that idealism every passing minute the invasion plan proceeds further into reaching success. Sasha isn’t sure what to do with herself anymore feeling aimless. Those previous episodes had a real impact on her priorities more than she cared to let on with Sasha’s typical tough girl act. This kid has let her guard down more, which scares and confuses Sasha. She’s always used to playing the role of protector it contradicts everything Sasha stands for when the roles are totally reversed because now Anne has made her feel the tremendous change in their growth as individuals.

Sasha’s lifestyle has been all about control that after somewhat learning to be more considerate to Anne & Marcy’s feelings she feels beyond conflicted about what truly matters to her. The most screwed up part of it all is Sasha didn’t want to fight anymore, taking up a pacifist approach after seeing what King Andrias had been hiding from everyone. It’s a fitting punishment for Sasha to try bringing Anne over to work together once more, but getting her pleas for companionship outright ignored. Anne was correct that Sasha had wasted all the chances to be reasonable. Boonchuy tried to hear out Sasha before at The Third Temple. One wanted to start things over again to iron out their serious issues, but the other was driven by bitterness, while only remorseful to a degree at best, of seeing their once weak friend become so independent, mature, and stronger that it drove her up wall. Sasha wanted to take away that “problem” being the Plantars, since in her eyes they’re the source of Anne’s strength, driving a wedge further between the two girls in their heated Reunion 2.0 battle.

True Colors demonstrates the horrific price of no trust, communication, nor teamwork from the three main girls that Andrias smoothly took advantage of, as if they were fiddles. 

“That’s the thing about friends isn’t it? The more you love them, the more it hurts when they go.”

King Andrias is quite literally what I wanted Lunaris to be, where DuckTales’ Season 2 finale didn’t impress me on doing. He’s a serious big baddie to the main cast, who follows through on his threats of violence to demonstrate his wide array of arsenal and power. Andrias doesn’t just emotionally manipulate characters, like poor Marcy, but utterly crush them without an ounce of remorse for his actions. When he dropped Sprig out that window after Anne willingly let him have the Calamity Box back I thought they were legit gonna kill this boy off. The way Anne’s flashback montage of her good times with Sprig were eerily shot really didn’t help either on that note. Anne’s Calamity power finally activating is easily up there among stuff, like Dewey risking his life for Della’s disappearance in Last Crash, where the cinematography is shot and animated brilliantly. You feel Anne’s blind raging sadness in every hit she landed on those robots and Andrias. If anyone didn’t believe Sprig was like a little brother to Anne, then I dunno how anyone couldn’t view their bond anymore as such after this hugely defining scene. Anne went bloodthirsty when she believed Sprig to be dead further evidenced when she hugged him in relief afterwards exclaiming, “Sprig!? You’re alive!? Oh, thank goodness...”, which cuts deep so damn much.

Anne was ready to fight every one of Andrias’ troops in that castle to the death, if need be. Before Sprig came back from falling, thanks to Marcy’s quick acting, to comfort Anne, her only goal was to slaughter every opponent in that throne room, along with making Andrias pay dearly for even daring to lay a single finger on anyone of the Plantars. I’m not gonna lie, this pivotal power up reminded me so much Gohan turning Super Saiyan 2 after Cell curb stomped Android 16 into pieces with a smirk on his face. Anne Boonchuy’s maddening outburst is a classic testament to the idea of, “Piss off the nicest person and they’ll make it their mission to instill the biggest kind of fear/terror into you.”. showing this kid at her most vulnerable mental state, yet. Sprig & Anne’s cathartic embrace really messed me up in reinforcing just how these two respect, love, and would go above any of their limitations to help the other out. Sprig’s “death” scene was a masterful bait by the writers into making us think someone was gonna die and it was gonna be a poor kid, no less.  

However, it was actually all just a bait and switch for the real, “Oh, shit. They really just did that”, moment with Marcy unexpectedly getting run through with Andrias’ gigantic sword. In a last ditch effort, Marcy wanted to atone for what she had a hand in getting them all into. Marcy was ironclad determined in making her own stand for what was right trying to save the people she endangered. Akin to what Sasha did in Reunion for saving Anne’s life, Marcy does the exact same here. Although, unfortunately this time, no one is here to protect Marcy from escaping death, like Grime catching Sasha from plummeting at Toad Tower. Marcy couldn’t react in time because she was so focused on helping her dear friends out. She wanted to prove to herself at least one time, “I’ve screwed up so much stuff with my friends. Maybe, just maybe. If I get my friends back home, it’ll prove I’m not an entirely crappy person for setting these events into motion.”. Marcy’s own deep seeded remorse is what saved Anne & the Plantars, while being the cause of her own untimely demise at Andrias’ hands.

This scene is what no doubt encouraged the warning sign for younger viewers Disney decided to make for them. It’s impressive how far Matt and his crew are willing to go for intense dramatic content. Andrias trying to crush Polly with his fist after destroying Frobo with casual ease, dropping Sprig out of the window from up sky high, and stabbing Marcy with his powerful sword displays his cold blooded brutality. Doesn’t matter who you are. If you get in the way of Andrias’ plans for multiverse domination, then he’ll throw anyone into their own grave, be it man, woman, or child. That’s the mark of a truly terrifying antagonist.

Andrias didn’t care who had to be hurt or manipulated to get back the box, so he could invade other worlds with Earth being his next prime target for invasion. Marcy’s fate is a horrifyingly poetic statement, since Sasha stated to Anne in a flashback from Marcy At The Gates, “One of these days, she’s gonna get herself killed.”, with True Colors tying back to this line in a disturbing manner. Something that sends chills down my spine is we get to see the full extent of how far Andrias shoved the sword through her body. We don’t just see the entry point of where it hit her, but it even zooms out to show the whole thing. Real talk, I got serious Avatar The Last Airbender vibes from this scene. Reminded me so much of Aang getting suddenly zapped with lightning by Azula when he tried to enter the Avatar state. Marcy didn’t want to be alone so badly she ended up inevitably dying alone trying to send Anne back home to their reality. One Hell of a way to close off Marcy’s last moments in Season 2, until her inevitable resurrection happens in Season 3 now that King Andrias has her in a tube tank that looks tied to his master.

True Colors ends on a deeply bittersweet cliffhanger leaving the fates of Sasha & Grime totally unknown if they’ll get away by the skin of their teeth, or get captured by Andrias’ soldiers and robots. Anne finally returned home with the Plantars, but at a deadly cost of leaving her other close friends behind in Amphibia. After all the isolation, heartbreak, and endurance she went through with her frog family Anne finds herself at a total loss for words. Once again, Anne is in a state of solitude of not knowing if her friends are really okay or not, mirroring the start of Season 1 when she landed into Amphibia’s world. It’s safe to say to say that, “Finally me and it’s no big deal.”, lyrics have aged terribly for Anne’s realization of finding her own identity came at the expense of getting separated from friends she’s known since kindergarten. Definitely see Anne becoming a lot more protective of the Plantars now more than ever after watching Marcy drop to the ground from being stabbed in front of her eyes.

Amphibia’s Season 2 finale is exactly how you capitalize on a winning story telling formula of dramatic writing, lovable characters with layered depth, and increasing the stakes of your story in an organic manner. True Colors is a finale that should be talked about for a long time to come, as it not only showed how worth the wait it was, but reinforces why Amphibia is a truly great series. It’s unafraid to take its characters to dark places in a way that feels totally earned.

Amphibia Season 2 is everything a sequel to a first film should be.

[redrumluna]

Broadway & Accesibility

Written by L. Musch

 Broadway in NYC consists of 40 theaters that are visited by over 12 million audience members annually. 80% of all tickets in the 2014–2015 season were purchased by caucasian theatregoers. The average age of the Broadway theatregoer in the 2019–2020 season was 42.3 years old and the average household income of these audience members was $261,000, much higher than the U.S national average of $87,863. The average price of a ticket for a Broadway show has been reported to be $145.60 per ticket. In other words, these audiences are, mostly, old, rich and white. In this essay I’m gonna discuss how social media has been revolutionizing Broadway and the theatre experience over the past few years.

 On january 10th, 2009, the Broadway revival of the musical GYPSY was ending it’s run at the St. James Theatre. Broadway icon Patti LuPone (who won her second Tony award for her performance in this production) noticed several camera flashes coming from the audience, causing her to almost trip twice. When another flash went off she stopped the show to yell at the audience member taking pictures and had them kicked out. After that she continued her performance. While this event was happening another audience member made an illegal audio recording from this performance. The recording ended up on YouTube and the rant went viral. 

Due to the lack of accesibility surrounding Broadway, there’s a huge demand for illegal footage of performances, which is why bootlegs (illegal recordings of Broadway shows) are the perfect solution for fans who wouldn’t be able to experience the shows in person. To fans, bootlegs give the complete picture of the Broadway experience. It includes the parts of the show that aren’t in the official cast recordings, which can be important, because often just hearing lyrics and music cannot justify the plotholes between the songs. Bootlegs give fans all over the world an understanding of the show, even if it’s recorded with a low quality phone and another audience member’s head is in frame for most of the video. 

Although many theatre people, including actors such as Patti Murin (Anna in Frozen the musical), believe that bootlegs will destroy Broadway forever. Because they believe that people will stop paying for the shows since they can see them online for free.

 Personally, I believe this is a very privileged way of thinking. The fans that watch, post and trade these bootlegs are mostly teenagers. Teenagers who constantly tweet about their favourite broadway shows, who stream these cast recordings on spotify and who get shows that are currently on Broadway trending on apps like TikTok.

 I’d like to use the Broadway hit Hamilton as an example. When the show started it’s run on Broadway it didn’t take long for it to become huge on social media, teenagers quickly started an online fan community on sites like Twitter and Tumblr and the soundtrack was everywhere. Hamilton bootlegs on YouTube got the most views out of all of them, yet it was the second-highest-grossing show (behind only The Lion King). The show set a Broadway box office record for the most money grossed in a single week in New York City in late november 2016, when it grossed $3.3 million for an eight-performance week. the first show to break $3 million in eight performances.

I also believe Hamilton’s online succes has a lot to do with it’s creator and lead Lin-Manuel Miranda being very active on Twitter and engaging with young fans, posting loads of backstage content and answering many questions about the show. Another show that has gained a lot of attention because of social media is Beetlejuice the musical. Presley Ryan (Former ensemble member and now currently starring as Lydia Deetz in the show) started sharing videos of her and other cast members on the app TikTok. Beetlejuice didn’t do very well in the first weeks of it’s run, but became a huge hit when the soundtrack started going viral online.

 “TikTok was a game changer for Beetlejuice because it allowed our original cast recording to reach millions more young people than Broadway marketing campaigns usually allow,” explains Jennifer Graessle, social media manager for the musical. Graessle believes the musical’s songs work well on TikTok because of their quick, quirky lyrics. The success on TikTok has helped drive 150 million streams for the cast recording, “and its popularity, both on TikTok and beyond, has had a residual effect on the show’s social media presence and ticket sales,” she says. It’s also been a savior for the show — even if it’s being kicked out of New York’s Winter Garden Theater, to be replaced by a revival of The Music Man. Initial reaction towards the production when it launched on Broadway in October 2018 was muted. “I think that word of mouth is what has saved the show from the initial critics of the show who are from an older generation and maybe just didn’t ‘get us’,” says Ryan.

 An alternative for bootlegs could be streaming services. There is currently one named Broadway HD. For $8,99 a month you can watch proshots of a limited collection of Broadway plays and musicals. Hopefully the streaming service will continue to broaden their collection and open up a whole new world for anyone at home or unable to travel to NYC.

 During the recent pandemic there have also been many livestreams of shows that aren’t currently running anymore, like the recent stream of David Bowie’s Lazarus, which was recorded live in 2016 and streamed earlier this month in honor of the icon’s birthday.

 So obviously, the theatre industry has been taking steps to broaden the representation of the performing arts on the internet. Despite the fact that we are far from truly accesible Broadway content i do believe that it will eventually evolve to be that. Theatre people are realizing that the public wants to pay for proshots or streams.

 I believe that accesibility will create more appreciation for the arts and therefore save Broadway.

Resources used: Research Reports | The Broadway League (6) Patti Lupone stops 'Gypsy' mid-show to yell at a photographer - YouTube (3) Patti Murin on Twitter: "No, because then Broadway will never come back" / Twitter Hamilton (musical) - Wikipedia Presley Ryan’s TikToks Have Made Beetlejuice Broadway’s Hottest Ticket | by Chris Stokel-Walker | FFWD (medium.com) BroadwayHD David Bowie's 'Lazarus': London Production Livestreams of Musical - Rolling Stone

[make-it-mavis]

Homesick (Entry #24)

(cw: 18+ SEXUAL CONTENT, drug use) ------------

01/10/88  9:46 PM

Hey.

Looking back on all this, I noticed something.

Ever since you’d left, I had been stuck in perpetual fight-or-flight mode. My first instinct was, as always, to fight. I fought to find you, to disprove the lies everyone had been spinning about you and about me, and emerge a winner over this false reality I was supposed to submit to. All my strength, my resolve, my conviction, was tied to the idea that you were still alive. After Tapper’s, I just couldn’t lie to myself anymore. 

You were gone. My brush powers were gone. Whatever shred of acceptance I’d garnered in the arcade over the years was gone. What was there to fight for anymore?

Flight was the only option left.

The morning after that night, I knew it was time to be on my own again. I didn’t need company anymore. I’d stopped being afraid of murderous sprites sneaking in. I’d like to say the reason for that was I’d stopped being an idiot and really clued in that I can’t be deleted in my own game. I’d like to say that. I think the cold truth of it was that my newfound guilt dwarfed any reason I had to be afraid.

I packed up my things. I said goodbye to Wreck-it, thanked him for my stay (which threw him off again), and brought my things back to my den. Coming back to it should have felt right in some way, but it didn’t. It’s true that my den has never fully felt like home, but it’s at least been a place to be surrounded by things that belong to me. I looked at all my junk strewn everywhere, my well-guarded stolen treasures accrued over the years, and wondered why the hell I kept any of it. It almost made me angry, in a way. A small part of me wanted to just burn it all.

I spent the whole day in that junk heap, antsy as hell, just trying to keep occupied until closing. Once I’d decided to try GC, it was all I could think about. I just ran the actions through my head over and over -- the arcade would close, I would venture out alone, track down one of the few dealers willing to do business with me, buy a block of GC, come back to my pile of junk, and take it.

That’s exactly what happened.

Now, I know what you’d say right about now, and yes, it was a risky move, taking GC in my own game, especially for someone with a code deficiency. For all I knew, one hit of the stuff could have thrown my code in a blender and splattered it all over the trees. No one knew I was doing this, either, so no one would know if I corrupted, not until Fix-it inevitably found my mangled sprite. I was fully aware of the risks, but somehow, I didn’t care. There was danger, but it felt so far away. Like it just wouldn’t happen to me. Why not? I don’t know. That’s just how it felt. Risks were inconsequential.

All that mattered to me was escaping life.

And GC? Oh, GC. It was my escape.

Buffs I’d been taking up to that point had been child’s play. They took whatever warmth or pleasure that existed inside me and tried to stretch it as far as it would go. They lit a fire under my moxie and gave me a fighting edge against everything thrown my way. They blurred reality. They weakened it. But they never made it go away.

GC does. Game Changers live up to their name. They grasp you tight and yank you out of reality so hard, you almost forget it was ever there at all. I guess you could call it dreaming while awake, only ten times more vivid, twenty times more intense, thirty times more satisfying.

But, like dreams, experiences with it seem to be hard to remember and even harder to describe. I took four hits of GC over the course of about a week, and the further along we go, the more I remember of the visions, and the less I remember of the reality in between. It’s gonna be a challenge to write. If you were able to read this, you would complain about it being hard to follow and full of gaps. Well, it’s no clearer for me than it is for you, so suck it up.

Okay. That first night, that first hit. 

I punched open the block, took the buff inside, and immediately thought I was corrupting.

My skin went cold with sweat, my heart punched my ribs, my brain clenched and my stomach twisted. I fell back. I felt what I would describe as each individual digit of my binary being turned backwards all at once. It was unreal.

Then, just like that, it was gone.

And the release of that pain was… let’s say I felt it in places that had otherwise been dormant for a long time. 

It made me inconsolably horny, is what I’m saying. Painfully so.

At first, that appeared to be it. No hallucinations, no mental roadtrips, just extremely urgent arousal. I was a little underwhelmed, but I took what I could get. The last thing on my mind since you’d left had been sex, or anything related to it, which I trust needs no explanation. So, whatever, I figured. I’m a big girl with two hands and a brush, I can take care of myself.

Only, I couldn’t.

When I went to grab my belt, I couldn’t move either of my arms. They were glued to the ground, along with my back. While I was sitting there wondering why nothing was happening, the trees had started profusely bleeding a sticky red sap that smelled amazing, but held me down tight. My entire den began to flood with it, and the leaves above reddened and swelled into tender fist-sized cherries that sloughed into the syrup below. The bare trees stretched tall, curved over my den, and locked branches like dozens of twisting fingers weaving together. Within a minute, the trees closed all gaps, trapping me in complete darkness with a slowly growing bath of cherry pie filling.

I wasn’t scared. Not even a little. I was pissed. I was absolutely dying for any kind of contact, any relief, but of course, I had to be denied by something so unforgivingly weird as a spontaneous pie flood. As I squirmed around, trying to find some kind of pressure, I felt the goop around me start to heat up. Slowly, the entire chamber became like a sauna. Thicker sap melted into runny syrup that dripped on me from the ceiling. I could feel steam on my face mixing with beading sweat. It was around that point that I started panting. Around that point, the game changed.

In the burning, viscous syrup around me, giant cherries dragged slowly down my body like wandering hands. Some even split open, exposing positively obscene warm, soft, wet flesh that I could feel sliding directly across my skin, as if my clothes weren’t even there. I leaned into the shapes and groped around where I could in the sugary slime, and let my fingers sink deep into the velvety smooth bits of cherry heat, which somehow made me shudder right down to my bones. But it wasn’t enough. It wasn’t helping. It was just working me up even more. Every touch and smell and sound of my own desperate, frustrated breathing shot rippling euphoric waves through my very code. I’d never been so needy for touch in all my life, and the closest I could get to it was a bath of cherries.

After an agonizingly long time, the syrup had reached dangerous levels. It would have been over my head if I wasn’t already propped up on… what I can only assume entered the dream as a pillow. For a moment, the thought crossed my mind that I might actually drown there, but that’s when I heard rumbling. The entire structure around me began to shake. There was a great, rocky crack, and the roof above me split open like an egg, revealing a night sky unlike any other. 

It was a kaleidoscope. The sky curved with rows of millions of tiny LED lights with colors that travelled seamlessly with one another like a scrolling electric sign. Bright and brilliant as it was, its light just barely illuminated my surroundings, like rainbow moonlight. That glimpse alone would have left me awestruck, but there was so much more. 

In an instant, the cherry room crumbled and fell away. The ground around me cracked and broke off to leave me suspended on a floating patch of earth, and the bath of syrup drained thickly over the edges. I could see it all, now -- I was in a ball. I was floating directly in the center of a ball made up of nothing but the kaleidoscope lights. Gravity sort of sank in my stomach for a second, just at the sheer vastness of it, but that’s why it was freakin’ spectacular. It made me want to fly so badly, but in this dream, I still knew I couldn’t.

The next thing I saw were mirrors around me. Big, uneven shards of mirror floated in a still circle, spread maybe twenty feet out from my little chunk of land. In them, I could see myself stuck there, lying prone as my clothes dissolved into sugary slime, slowly melting off to expose my skin. I looked into my own eyes, and even in the dream, they shone a binary blue. There was a fire in them that matched the one inside me. They said to me, “What are you doing? Fight, dumbass.”

They were right. Of course they were. I may have been stuck, but how could I lie back and accept that? Have I ever been known to be passive?

So, I squeezed my eyes shut and struggled. I pushed, pulled, and thrashed against my glued-down arms and back, but it was not coming easily. In fact, it seemed like all I managed to do was make it worse. When I tried to push up off the ground with my feet, they stuck firmly to the spot. Seconds later, when I gave up and let my hips drop back down and my legs fold back into place, my calves stuck to my thighs. Even my eyes wouldn’t open. I was so frustrated I could have screamed, but just as I took a breath to do so, I was muffled.

There was a distinctly familiar, piping-hot, cherry-flavored mouth smothering mine. I made some muffled protests for my pride’s sake, but, of course, I returned the gesture. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been kissed, and it felt like a cold drink of water I didn’t know I needed. I couldn’t open my eyes to see who it was, nor could I feel any actual code at all, but I didn’t have to. He had burning-hot skin. He smelled like smoke clinging to old leather. His kiss felt like he was quite literally breathing binary right into me, pouring strength into the holes in my code until they spilled over. There’s no one else he could have been. And, at the time, I didn’t question it. Everything seemed right. 

The kiss broke, and I remember the air suddenly feeling so cold on my skin. But there was heat radiating from the body looming over mine, and his touch seemed to throw fire in me. For a second, his mouth lingered at my neck and his hands squeezed my shoulders, but before long, he made his way slowly down my body. Fingers traced lightly at every rise, palms pushed deeply under every slope, all slipping in the sugary glaze that his mouth lapped up and savored in a contented, indulgent sort of way. Needless to say, I was positively aching by this point. It was teetering on the edge of painful. I remember shaking, trying and failing to suppress whimpers, and, for a minute, giving up completely on my attempts to get free. I was right where I wanted to be. Honestly, being blind and immobilized and helpless to refuse? In this context, it was hot as hell.

Makes me wish we’d dabbled in that concept a bit more while you were still around.

There came a point where things were just short of where I needed them to be. At my innermost thigh, his mouth licked and nipped lazily, as if he were settling in for a long stay. His hands just squeezed at the meat of my hips, running his thumbs over the bone. The nerve of it all.

I struggled harder than ever, and with my partner having licked off so much of the sugary glue, my feet broke free, then my legs, then my arms, one right after the other. My back peeled harshly off the ground as I threw myself upright, and I opened my eyes to stare down a glowing blue gaze looking at me from between my knees. 

I froze. Where I expected to see you, there was nothing but a you-shaped figure, seemingly made of nothing but shadow. Save for his eyes, he was just an empty black shape. A void, I guess. The edges of his body were a little hard to focus on, and seemed to warp the air around him the tiniest bit, like heat off the hood of a car. 

He was supposed to be you. But he… wasn’t. Not exactly. This is really hard to put into words, but I think he was just… all that was left in the you-shaped hole in my life. Take your scarf, for example. It’s a piss poor substitute for actually having you here, but it’s all I have now, so I take it. The tiny bit of you that’s still in my life? The part that I’d like to believe I still carry around with me? That’s what he was.

He was the last of your physical presence in my life.

I think that’s why I didn’t question it when I felt him kissing me. I knew who he was, and I knew I could trust him, but he wasn’t really you. He had been with me the whole time. I felt like he had been with me for a really long time.

But, still, when I saw him… something in me changed. Even though there were so many things I wanted to say, I could not find my voice. There was something about the air he gave off, about the way he looked at me, and I looked at him. Like we both knew exactly why we had come together, and there was no need for words anymore. My heart just pounded heavily and my blood began to simmer, and somehow, I knew he could sense that.

So, rather than scold him for teasing, I reached out a shaky hand and pushed my fingers through his hair. His bright eyes closed at the touch, and he leaned into my hand a bit as it curved down to hold his jaw. We lingered for just a moment. I’m not sure if we were savoring the anticipation, or what, but… I got the weird feeling that we were having a conversation. Exactly what it was about, I couldn’t say. But I know that by the time we were done, I was about ready to abandon all thought, all reason, and surrender fully to feeling.

He knew. He agreed. His eyes opened, and I remember the way their blue distinctly strayed from binary to low burning flames. 

His hands curled around my thighs, and he finally ducked his head down between them and went in for the kill.

Devs, I don’t think I could come close to explaining how it felt, finally feeling something, some kind of spectacular contact, after holding that ache for what felt like forever. I fell onto my back, closed my eyes against the twisting colors in the sky, and let it all out in a sigh deeper than my lungs could hold. My memory seemed to recreate exactly what you would do, right down to every movement, but -- not to discredit you -- this was just otherworldly. The heat was intense, the syrup was slick, and my head whirled over itself. It was, in a word, sublime.

As amazing as it felt, and as perfectly as it was working me up, I really just wanted more. The motion really was a relief at first; it sated the initial ache. But the longer he drew it out, the more a deeper ache set in, one stronger than I’ve ever felt in my life. Maybe it seems like I’m being dramatic, or that I’m exaggerating, but I’m not. Not in the slightest. Before I knew what I was doing, I was mentally lamenting over how he didn’t show up sooner. I thought about how I’d been losing my mind, that I’d been in near agony over want of relief, and hoped that he would hear it. By the way he moved, I’d say that he did. 

It seemed like he was being tormented by an ache of his own. He had been digging a sharp grip into my hips and yanking me hard against his mouth any time my squirming slipped me away from him, now and then pushing his hands up over my ribs to rake his nails back down. He wanted it real bad. And before too long, his patience ran out. The shadow demon raised his head and crawled over my body, radiating heat. I stared into those burning blue eyes that were really beginning to come alive with lust, and I was deeply distracted by how cold and naked I felt without the warm blanket of his tongue. Again, it wasn’t that I’d never felt that before. It’s just that I’d never been so desperately, painfully sensitive. I couldn’t stand to not be touched for a second longer.

So, when I locked my arms under his shoulders, looked into his eyes and pointedly thought about just how he had no idea how badly I needed it, I saw those eyes narrow with an obvious smirk. I got the clear impression that he did know.

Then finally, finally, he clutched painfully onto one of my hips and slipped inside me, giving me what we both so badly needed. When I tried to cry out, the kaleidoscope lights flared twice as bright, like they were standing in for my voice in its absence. 

I could feel and hear the shadow shudder breathlessly, the same way you did. I could hear in it every bit of the same maddening desire that I felt myself. It was so hot, I could barely stand it. 

I don’t know if the very real pleasure messed with my head or what, but things really took a turn for the strange at this point.

I tried talking. I know I did. I just couldn’t hear a word of it -- I could only see the swirling lights waxing and waning with my volume. I don’t even know what I was trying to say. Whatever it was, it felt like I needed to say it. Every word literally made me feel lighter and cleaner, like emptying out the extra junk in your bag you’d been carrying for ages. I think he liked it, too. As he moved quicker and deeper, he seemed to be encouraging me. He grabbed my hand and pinned it by my head, and he squeezed hard in response to whatever the hell I was saying.

As it got harder to catch enough breath to “speak”, I looked to the mirrors, expecting to see me and the shadow tangled up together. I didn’t see a reflection at all anymore. The mirrors had started slowly rotating around us, and each of them may as well have been windows into places I recognized. A lot of them were from your game: Behind the bleachers, your garage, the showers. Others were all over the arcade. My den, Tapper’s supply closet, among the trees in Jungle Hunt, backstage at Qix, behind the Burger Time dumpsters, inside one of the Paperboy houses, an alley in Rampage, an empty Niceland apartment, the penthouse bar, Gene’s freakin’ walk-in closet -- and then the images in the mirrors began to move, and sound began to bubble out, as if playing recorded videos. When I heard them, I realized what all these places had in common.

Breathing hard, gasping, muttering, dripping with lust, was my own voice. Doing the very same, was yours. 

The kaleidoscope ball echoed with the sounds of us going at it, from over a dozen encounters at once. Through the mirrors that were gradually spinning faster, I saw footage of it all, too. I saw us. Well, what should have been us. In each of them, the shadow figure took your place. But it was close enough for me, in the heat of the moment. It sent my head spinning. The chorus of whimpering and moaning drowned out almost every coherent thought I had. I could have sworn I was reliving all of those memories at once, right down to each sensation, on top of the fiery drum already beating inside me.

I tried to tell him that. I knew he’d eat it right up. But whether I had a voice again or not, it was drowned out completely. I could hear nothing from him either, no labored breathing, even though I could feel his chest heaving. In his eyes, I could see his composure breaking. He was still squinting in a smirk, but his smile was wavering. It was too hot to handle. His eyes fell heavy-lidded, and he dropped to bite and suck at my neck. As I held him there, I got a heaping eyeful of the kaleidoscope sky twisting above us. 

In an instant, I was mesmerized. Nearly hypnotized. The colors were so astoundingly bright, it should have strained my eyes to look at, but it didn’t. In fact, it felt refreshing, even healthy to drink in -- something I say near literally, because I felt the sea of color pour into me and fill me up. I could feel color inside me, far beyond what I feel using my brush. It danced and twisted on a million different axes, starting between my thighs and rolling outward in waves, bouncing off the edges of my body like ripples, even right through my fingers and toes. By some magic or trick of code, I became the kaleidoscope. Above, below, all around, the brilliant, dazzling light, was just an extension of my body.

I swear to the Devs, I became color itself.

A creature made of color, and a creature devoid of all light, rutting like filthy beasts. Oddly poetic, now that I think about it.

As I yanked his head up to kiss him, tasting myself on his tongue, the lights around us once again flared. They flashed, flickered unevenly, and only grew brighter by the second. Combined with the noisy memories growing louder and louder, the spectrum in my body, and my shadow friend’s growing aggression, my senses were mercilessly assaulted. The overload kept building, the lights turned blinding, and I was pushed right to that heart-pounding, white-hot edge…

And freakin’ sat there. Perched firmly.

At that moment, all the lights fell dark with a great hum, like a switch was flipped. The recordings cut out completely, and only then was I aware of how much noise we were making. We may not have had voices, but panting alone can get pretty damn loud. My throat was getting dry and hoarse by that point. He let out short, quivering huffs and worked against me so desperately, I was sure that he was right at the edge, too. We were stuck together, stranded just inches from the finish line.

Just then, a single cluster of lights flickered to life, casting a ghostly white light over a single mirror shard, probably the smallest of them all. I had to squint to see it, and almost couldn’t focus with how much my body shook, but once I saw it, I knew what it was immediately.

Another memory. This time, in your trailer, sitting fixed like a camera beside your bed. 

This time, it was really you.

It was us. Just us, fumbling, pausing, sort of laughing. Enthusiastic, stupid, inexperienced, thrilled, enraptured by how exciting it was to finally get it right. I encouraged you, assured you I could handle it this time, urged you to give me more, let you know just how good it felt. You were so genuinely vocal, the way I was crazy for. You rasped out your approval, bits of praise, and all the things you wanted to do to me. We blew each other’s minds.

It was our first time. 

I couldn’t believe I was seeing it again. I wished it had picked a bigger, louder mirror to show up on -- I loosened my grip on my shadowy partner, trying to keep as still as I could, so as to hear and see it better. The memory was pristine, with hardly a blur or gap, distorted only by the fact that it was a third-person view, when I did, in fact, experience it through my own eyes. Still, watching it sort of felt like hearing an old song you haven’t heard in forever, and finding you still remember all the lyrics. It was a good feeling. It was a good memory.

I wished it wasn’t just a memory. I don’t know if I was drawn to it purely from the fact that I could see you when I thought I never would again, or... other things that probably don’t really need to be named. Regardless of why, I wanted nothing more than to crawl right through that mirror and do it all again.

But it dissipated. It returned to being just a plain mirror. And when it did, the entirety of them began to spin around us again, rapidly picking up speed.

I felt a jolt as every light in the sphere flashed at once. My body was still in tune with them, it seemed. They flashed again in a binary blue so bright, it was almost white. Again and again they flashed, until they turned into the most intense strobe lights ever, whipping pulse after pulse of static through my code. I couldn’t contain myself. It was unreal.

I sent endless, wild, completely silent praise pouring from my mouth and raked my nails mercilessly over the shadow’s back. He quivered against the pain, but only slipped an arm under my lower back to crush me up against him. I didn’t know which way was up. I didn’t know what to do with myself anymore. I was just overcome with the need to be closer to him. He was already pressing down so hard on my body, but it just wasn’t enough. I wanted our very pixels to fuse. I wanted to feel him in every digit of my code. Everywhere.

And then, well…

I heard something strange beneath us -- rapid creaking of old mattress springs. Against my skin, I felt sheets damp with sweat. Behind my head, the very distinct sound of your bed knocking against the wall. And, through my choppy split-second frames of vision, I could see the void above me filling with life. The swelteringly hot creature, with its harsh, labored breathing, rocking against me with ravenous need, suddenly looked at me through one cracked-open, yellow eye.

You looked at me. I looked at you.

And you audibly rasped my name.

That did it.

That tackled me straight over the maddening edge I’d been teetering on -- but hell if I was going down alone. I kissed you hard, locked you in, and took you with me. We fell from a fatal height for longer than seemed possible, and the resounding SMASH when we hit the ground, well…

You know? Words couldn’t do the feeling justice.

The lights were still in-tune with my body, so they might give you some idea.

Every color in the kaleidoscope jumped to life again, whirling in a dizzying, neon blur, flickering, flashing, flaring brighter than a burning star until they all merged into blinding, humming, all-encompassing white, and then -- POW! Clusters of bulbs exploded into rainbows of sparks that flowed like sudsy champagne, again, and again, and again, popping like firecrackers. The spectacle went on for so long, you’d have thought it was a freakin’ festival, until finally, the bursts were fewer and far between. The empty sockets sparked here and there, and the remaining bulbs buzzed tiredly. It just looked like a normal starry sky, at the end.

And my partner just looked like a void again.

We both heaved like we’d just run a marathon. The shadow pulled back to look at me, a satisfied look in his eyes. I breathed a faint, voiceless laugh and smiled at him. I tried to say something, but I was interrupted by something falling on my face.

A huge dollop of syrup had splattered onto my face out of nowhere. The shadow’s body shook with silent, delighted cackles. As I tapped my fingers against the stickiness running from my mouth down my jaw, I could see leaves start to form out of the darkness above me. Very slowly, as if trying to sneak up on me, the forest settled back into place, and most of the mirrors broke, save for one, which sat right back where my real mirror is supposed to be. I was back in my den again. I was too high to decide how I felt about that.

I was observing the syrup still dripping from the leaves like water a few hours after rain, but I was rudely interrupted by the shadow straight up licking the sugar from my mouth. In a very deliberately non-sexy way.

Just then, my voice returned.

I yelped and spat and swatted him away with both my arms and legs. “Get off me! What game do you think this is, you mangy mutt? Duck Hunt?”

He leaned back from my swings, miming a smug laugh, before roughing my hair and standing up. To my surprise, he turned to push back a sheet and leave. 

“Hey, hey, wait,” I said, sitting up. “Where are you going in such a hurry?”

He paused, glanced over his shoulder, and made a zipper motion over where his mouth should have been, his eyes still touched by a sly smirk. He flicked a two-finger salute, and, just like that, threw the curtain aside to disappear behind it.

“Hey!” I stood with some difficulty and crossed to the curtain. “Don’t walk away when I’m talkin’ to you!”

When I pulled it back to look, he was already gone, dissolved into the darkness of the forest. I had hoped he would hang out longer. It seemed like we were having a good time. 

But I knew he’d be back. He can’t leave. Not this one.

I spat in frustration into the grass and tasted the syrup on my lips, still. I wiped it off with my right hand, startled to find I was no longer completely naked -- I was wearing a glove. When I looked at it, I saw the syrup stained across my palm, red in stark contrast to white.

The sight struck a weird chord in me. Something about it seemed familiar, almost. But hell if I could remember.

From there, I very slowly came down from my high. My legs had turned to complete jelly and shook like crazy. My clothes gradually reappeared on my body, except for, not surprisingly, my pants and my left glove. The handle of my brush also looked pretty wet and well-loved. So, there was really no question as to what my body had been doing the whole time. And I’ll admit that I resumed immediately. 

Hey, I had to ride anything that felt good for as long as I could. I had color pulsing through my veins, and I was going to enjoy it, Devs be damned.

You know, maybe I wouldn’t be half-bad at erotic literature. It was kinda fun trying to describe all that. It was nice to think about it again, too. To remember how much fun it was, and all that. I just kind of wish it could do anything for me now. I know it’s hot, it’s super hot, but, like… only my brain knows that. It has to send those thoughts down south for me to get anything out of it, and, nowadays, those thoughts don’t even get as far as my heart before deciding it’s not worth it and turning back.

I just don’t have it in me anymore.

That’s what she said.

[cruddyborderlandstheories]

THE SEEIN’ DEAD MOD IS A BAND-AID FIX

gearbox locked zane’s lazy fix behind a paywall

tl;dr: for the love of god, the seein’ dead class mod should be what the seein’ red capstone is and vice versa. also. MORE SYNERGY. also i redesigned all of Zane’s trees and augments for more synergy you’re welcome.

is 1am and i don’t want tomorrow and im angry and thinking about borderlands so this seems like the perfect time to immerse myself in remaking Zane’s skill trees (for the 5th time). mainly because some of zane’s skills are still irking me and i’ve written extensive essays for the bl3 subreddit about the seein’ dead class mod and just playing around with zane’s skills in general, but i don’t think i’ve ever posted here before about it. so here we are. i notice i usually save lore/theories/characterizations for this blog and meta/balancing/gear talk for reddit. not sure why that’s a split for me. 

now i’ve remade zane’s skills a number of times, but honestly this was all before the seein’ dead mod was released. then, instead of fixing his skill trees, i wrote a lot of essays about why that mod was a terrible bad decision on gearbox’s part (you can read one of the shorter arguments in a comment from 5 months ago here). I’m just gonna remake the skill trees now with all his current abilities in mind.this post really should be titled: ALL THE PROBLEMS WITH THEIR BALANCING DECISIONS

so imma just talk for a bit about why i love/hate the seein’ dead class mod. 

Obviously it’s a god tier mod, and you see almost no zane builds without it, and no top tier, can solo m10 true takedown builds without it (unless ur like, the 1% of masochistic players, in which case i salute you). and while that obviously means its a good mod, it also shows the problems with all his other class mods and his skill trees in general.

They all kinda suck. and that wouldn’t be a problem, bc, hey, the seein’ dead mod is ez to get, just pop on over to the casino and kill a few baddies and they’ll  drop like candy. Which is really awesome!

slight problem.

the dlc is locked behind a PAYWALL

now this is a problem because if zane was a top tier character BEFORE the dlc, and everything was hunky dory and people weren’t on their knees begging for gearbox to fix Zane, then him getting a new badass class mod wouldn’t be such a big deal. but the problem was this was gearbox’s solution to giving Zane a buff.

they literally locked a buff for a character behind a pay wall.

I recommend Zane is every single person I try to convince to play bl3, but i always have to add this like, commercial-esque asterisk. you know, terms and conditions or, side effects or whatever. *you probably want to get the seein’ dead mod if you’re looking at end-game play because unless you wanna struggle that’s his only viable play style.

what if they don’t want to buy the dlc?! for real...

There’s also the point that this class mod makes his (arguably) BEST capstone obsolete. so we have distributed denial which literally no one uses because its broken, double barrel which is always traded for seein’ red or more points in other skills, and seein’ red, WHICH WAS MADE USELESS BY THIS CLASS MOD

gsfdhjikdhgdaskjfhgaskdfjh

okay and it wouldn’t even be so bad

IF THEY DIDN’T CHANGE HIS ENTIRE SKILL SET BEFORE RELEASE

like they lowered ALL his kill skills, then they turned Seein’ Red into his capstone instead of Death Follows Close, meaning they nerfed Death Follows Close so it could fit as just a game changer. my poor boy was g u t t e d.

so, imagine this, everyone is reaching the end-game content of bl3. it’s a month or 2 weeks or whatever after the game dropped and people are finally hitting level 50. and moze/fl4k/amara are all killin’ it, and the zane players have to work their ASSES off to do like... 50% of that damage output (now, they did also eventually nerf the crap outta moze and fl4k but the point stands). 

so instead of gearbox going: “oh... shit that pre-release nerf was an awful idea, revert the changes guys” they decided to keep him gutted and then they released what was, in my opinion, a kick in the nuts with the maliwan takedown (aka the antifreeze mod, alongside the spiritual driver) ahahahahahaha. what good times it was. (I say this sarcastically.) 

man i remember people were soooo livid with that class mod release. well, both of them. zane mains were pissed off (for good reason). “yes, let’s make the people who are begging for a straight damage increase jump through MORE hoops (LITERALLY) for a pitiful amount of damage. oh, also, let’s give their 28 skill point build to the strongest character in the game for free and also make it 10x better”. because it was 10x better than violent momentum (driver didn’t have a damage cap) until they fixed both the spiritual driver and the violent momentum skill. it was the worst of times.

i will note here they did, around this time, let zane have stackable kill skills, but it was only 2 stacks and also it was still *incredibly* difficult to achieve stacks because zane just. struggled to kill anything. I still remember when i grinded the shit outta an antifreeze class mod and it took me over 20 minutes to kill Wotan my first time solo on m4. Not the fight UP to wotan. literally. just killing wotan.

then the seein’ dead mod dropped and i had. a fuckin. 15 minute decrease to my time on killing wotan (5 minutes!!!!). now i am not perfect, and i 100% believe i could’ve lowered the time even more. but that... that shows a VERY CLEAR problem.

they never actually fixed zane, they gave him a class mod that’s stupid OP just to make sure he could hang on next to the other Vault Hunters. it’s just a bandaid fix. you remove the class mod, and he’s back to pre-jackpot power levels (which will NOT hold up at m10, let me tell you). 

all his pre-jackpot problems are still here, and that’s why people are not using any other class mod of his. I bet we could have some really fun builds with the conductor mod! but nobody will ever use it because it’s just... not even close to the seein’ dead mod.

So what does the seein’ dead mod do that makes Zane so good?

IT BRINGS HIM BACK TO PRE-RELEASE VALUES

this mod, plus Death Follows Close, brings Zane back to pre-release zane. and i don’t understand how gearbox isn’t putting two and two together and going “Oh.”

it also is a BETTER VERSION of Seein’ Red!!! something players could have had at, like, level 15, but instead had to wait until they hit a capstone! the capstone is completely obsolete at this point. There is nothing seein’ red can give you that seein’ dead doesn’t do but better. Getting that capstone is a w a s t e of skill points.

AND they locked this fix behind a pay wall!!! i cannot say that enough. you don’t wanna get the handsome jackpot dlc?? guess u don’t wanna play zane at endgame then. too bad, so sad.

have i stated that enough? because it still blows my fuckin mind. THEY LOCKED A CHARACTER FIX BEHIND A PAYWALL

djhdgakjhakjdah. imagine playing without any prior knowledge and being like, aw man i love this zane character. can’t wait to get to max mayhem end game like all my favorite youtubers and friends!! then finding out you gotta drop 15 bucks or whatever it is just to actually be able to play at max mayhem level. that is not a skill difference, that is A BALANCING PROBLEM MY DUDES. like. my favorite zer0 build was still viable without the story DLCs. obviously grog > rubi, pimp > lyuda, rapier > law but, it was still fuckin viable.

guh. gufhgufhsdgkfjsdh. it bothers me.

ok so there’s a lot i just went over: my main issue? is that by making Seein’ Red a capstone, they did nothing to make it an actual legit capstone. They definitely nerfed Death Followed Close to make it a gamechanger, but they never gave Seein’ Red a buff to move it from a gamechanger to a capstone. It was the same exact skill. Seein’ Dead is what Seein’ Red SHOULD be and that’s what angers the crap outta me. they locked this obvious fix behind a pay wall (AND a gear slot!!!!!) n ur probably thinking ‘but cruddy this WAS really nice of them to try and fix zane... they could’ve just let him be suuc’ and like, yeah, they could’ve, and it is good they’re TRYING, but also, they’re leaving the people who DON’T buy the DLC high and dry.

keep in mind i DO own the dlc. have the season pass and everything. IM STILL MAD!!!

Zane should be strong no matter what class mod the players want to use. Same with Amara, same with Moze, same with Fl4k. FFS, it is not that hard. CHANGE THEIR SKILLS!!!!!

so im gonna be taking the time to go over all of zane’s skills and shit just to put him more on par with the others (WITHOUT THE SEEIN’ DEAD MOD)

imagine the seein’ dead mod doesn’t exist for this. we’re gonna make a balanced character since apparently THAT’S TOO HARD FOR A TRIPLE-A BALANCING TEAM

first things first, the tree with the most fuckin problems: 

Under Cover

oh god this tree is a fucking train wreck what the hell were they thinking. good god. my eyes. they’re burning.

not actually, but it still kinda sucks.

Action Skill: Barrier is fine. I would not add the ‘picking it up decreases benefits’ when Zane’s whole schtick is running around fast. You get the full bonus no matter what form it’s in. also, you can hold down the action skill activation button to deploy the barrier directly on yourself.

Tier 1: Hearty Stock is a trap. never get this. so dumb. no synergy with his other skills. Adrenaline is okay, but not really great during end game. Ready For Action is similarly okay. Just a very MEH start to this tree. 

Adrenaline: Zane gains increased Action Skill Cooldown Rate. 10% per level, up to 50%. this shouldn’t be tied to his shields being full because if your barrier is down (cooling DOWN)... your shield is taking damage. c’mon now. THINK GEARBOX T H I N K

Hearty Stock: (maxed) Zane and his clone gain 5% magazine regeneration while an action skill is active. This skill stacks. In it’s original state, this skill is such a trap skill. for real.

Ready For Action: i mean, it’s fine. We’ll keep it. +30% shield recharge rate and -29% (why????) recharge delay

Tier 2: ech. Stiff Upper Lip is not that good. Brain freeze is what u really want. Rise to the Occasion is also okay.

Brain Freeze: keep the same.

Stiff Upper Lip: when Zane is damaged with a hit that would break his shield, he gains (max) +20% bonus gun damage on his next shot through the barrier.

Rise to the Occasion: Zane and his clone gain health regeneration. +5% max health/s. Not determined by shield availability.

Tier 3: `screams in confident competence` oh lawd. this skill is good. the accuracy thing is kinda laughable. i tell you, i always thought that zane was originally meant to be the sniper with the Under Cover tree but they decided to swap Zane and Fl4k’s skills. which is why Zane has soooo many accuracy buffs.

Confident Competence: fine the way it is. I would also add, since this IS a game changer, that the Barrier’s damage amp is now 40%.

Tier 4: ew. tier 4. Really Expensive Jacket is literally the only skill you might want to get and EVEN THEN. ugh. Best Served Cold is so pointless. and so is Futility Belt. YOU TAKE MORE DAMAGE WITH IT

Really Expensive Jacket: Elemental Status Effects have reduced duration (-50%). Additionally, Zane is not slowed by Cryo anymore.

Best Served Cold: Remove the cooldown. Buff up the damage at least 200%. Make it an AOE Brain Freeze. That is, the cryo novas stack and if overkill damage is high enough, enemies hit with the novas freeze. Kinda like a discount Frozen Heart.

Futility Belt: HA. Ahahahahaha. Ha. Zane gains resistance to non-elemental and cryo damage (+15%). Futhermore, after killing an enemy, Zane’s barrier gains additional cryo damage (+20%) for 8s.

Tier 5: is oki. My only real complaint is with Nerves of Steel. Like. Seriously.

Refreshment: god tier skill actually. Keep the same.

Best Served Cold: also keep the same. The only change I will make is this: resetting your action skills’ cooldowns counts as action skill start and end.

Nerves of Steel: The longer Zane’s barrier is active, the more stacks of Nerves of Steel he gains (a maximum of 15). For each stack, Zane gains 2% shock damage, 2% cryo efficiency, and 1% damage to frozen enemies. (why shock damage? cryo doesn’t do well against shields.)

Tier 6: *cries in the worst capstone in the entire series* WHO DID THIS. WHY. WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU???

Distributed Denial: no. just. no. scrap this whole damn thing. IT DOESN’T EVEN WORK!!!! either fix it COMPLETELY or do something else. My recommendation? Whenever Zane throws down his barrier, his shield instantly begins recharging. If Zane’s shield is already full or recharging, enemies with no shields (or freeze immunity) that touch Zane’s Barrier for the next 10s are instantly frozen.

Augments: why the hell do i gotta place my barrier down when my entire fuckin’ character is about RUNNING. ALSO JUST AS A BLANKET STATEMENT: ALL THESE AUGMENTS WORK 100% EVEN IF HIS BARRIER IS PICKED UP. SO DUMB. a fully pointless restriction.

that last sentence immediately fixes Charged Relay and Nanites or Some Shite.

Redistribution: If his shields are full, Zane can sacrifice 50% of his shields to have his next shot deal 100% bonus cryo damage by holding F.

All-Rounder: Fine as is. Only thing I would add: whenever Zane melees an enemy, his shields are drained by 50% and his sliding augment is added to the melee attack.

Deterrence Field: Fine as is. But! I would add: whenever Zane sprints into an enemy, his shields are drained by 50% and slam augment is activated.

THAT WAY we can have both slam/sliding relics actually DO SOMETHING. because my god they’re so useless rn.

alright, moving on.

Hitman

Tier 1: is okay. nobody ever takes cold bore. ever.

Violent Speed: fine as is, but we’re taking it back to pre-release values. Max: 30%. can stack 2x.

Cold Bore: Zane gains (max) 20% bonus cryo damage to all shots fired while moving.

Violent Momentum: fine as is, but taking it back to pre-release values. 30% gun damage at default walk speed. Additionally, Zane can now shoot while sprinting.

Tier 2: my boy zoomer needs more fun.

Cool Hand: fine as it is. I would buff his base reload speed up to 20% and kill skill reload to 20% as well. 17 and 13 are such weird numbers.

Drone Delivery: fine as it is. Additionally, Zoomer’s base shots now take on the element of Zane’s grenade mod.

Salvation: fine as it is. I won’t mess with this bc life steal is messy business (coughs in grog)

Tier 3: hhhynf.fdsg. 

Death Follows Close: Kill Skill Bonus: +30%. Kill Skill Time: +7s. Additionally, enemies targeted by Zoomer take 5% more damage from Zane.

Tier 4: these two skills are actually p dope by themselves. it can stay as it is. I would MAYBE increase the violent violence max buff up to 20% but that’s just me.

Tier 5: ahahahaha. this skill. just remember, we’re pretending Seein’ Dead doesn’t exist, so imagine how this skill looks next to calm cool n collected. so pointless.

Good Misfortune: Killing an enemy with a critical hit adds (max) 10% efficiency to Zane’s kill skills for 8s. This does not stack.

Tier 6: WE’RE GONNA MAKE YOU RELEVANT AGAIN BOO HANG IN THERE

Seein’ Red: Zane has a (4%) chance to activate his kill skills upon dealing gun damage to an enemy. Additionally, enemies targeted by Zoomer now take 15% more damage from Zane.

so why didn’t we make good misfortune the infinite action skill build?? BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT CCnC IS SUPPOSED TO DO!!! why have 2 skills that do the exact same thing AT THE EXACT SAME TIER except ONE IS OBJECTIVELY WORSE!!!!!

what happens to the Seein’ Dead class mod if we’re giving its perk to this capstone? I’m so glad you asked. “Zane activates his kill skills when activating his action skills. Additionally, the kill skills activated this way have 15% more efficiency”. look how much better balanced that is!!!! that’s a class mod!!!!!!!!

Augments: these aren’t THAT bad, but they could be a lot better.

Winter’s Drone: Zoomer gains 20% bonus cryo damage to all shots.

Bad Dose: pump these numbers up. Fire Rate: +7% per affected enemy. Movement Speed: +10% per enemy. everything else is fine.

Boomsday: just make this more beefy. fr. It’d be a good choice if it were stronger.

Static Field: also fine. I would again give it better damage output, but that’s just me.

Almighty Ordnance: remove the build up honestly. Like i get the vibe and it’s really cool, but in combat it just DOESN’T WORK. maybe if Zoomer is targeting an enemy, he will unleash the missiles if they are above 50% health after 30s or something. I honestly think these should have a debuffing factor instead of a damage factor (you know, to not get in the way of boomsday). maybe something around 15%? the 1x per action skill activation thing would be easily subverted with CCnC with the changes we suggested, so it could work. 

Doubled Agent

ahhh, Blane. Blue Zane. Love ya, buddy. One change: he prioritizes pinged targets. That way you can kinda get him to fight specific people. Also, lower the teleportation timer. pls.

Tier 1: actually p good. could be better, but its not bad.

Synchronicity: Zane gains 20% bonus damage per active action skill. While Zane has an action skill active, he gains a stack of Synchronicity. Max Stacks: 10. For each stack of Synchronicity, Zane gains 5% Action Skill Cooldown Rate and 2% Action Skill Damage.

Praemunitus: Zane and his digiclone gain (max) 30% magazine size.

Borrowed Time: For each action skill active, Zane gains 30% action skill duration. The longer Zane’s action skills are active, he and Blane gain a higher Fire Rate and faster Reload Speed, up to 20%. (the idea is you choose between this or synchronicity bc... either permanent action skills build or fast paced action skills build)

Tier 2: Donnybrook is fun. Fractal Frags is fun. Duct tape mod is a GODDAMN DISAPPOINTMENT

Donnybrook: fine as it is. I might buff the max numbers up to 20% gun damage and 3% health regen. But that’s really it.

Fractal Frags: Blane will periodically toss a grenade from Zane’s stockpile at his targeted enemy (cooldown: 20s). Kill Skill: Blane has a 45% chance to throw a free grenade.

Duct Tape Mod: this skill... why... No cooldown. NONE. Zane has a 1% chance to also fire a grenade from his gun. Kill Skill: This is increased to 15% for 8s (stays at 1% for the whole time, but the kill skill will increase by 3% for each tier)

Tier 3: Actually Quick Breather is one of my favorite skills. this can stay.

Quick Breather: Same as is. Additionally, Zane and his clone gain 25% Gun Damage after swapping places for a short time (8s).  I really wanna promote swapping places. It’s really underutilized. they’ve ADDED stuff to this skill already!!! even tho it didn’t work until the next patch. BUT THEY SHOW ITS POSSIBLE TO ADD TO SKILLS!!!

Tier 4: actually a really good tier. a few minor changes. 

Pocket Full of Grenades: Kill Skill: Zane gains (max) 15% grenade regeneration for 8s. If Zane’s grenades are full, any excess grenades are shot from his gun with 25% bonus damage.

Old-U: If Zane falls into FFYL while his digiclone is active, he can press the action skill activation key to destroy his clone and gain a second wind. When he does this, he takes the place of his clone. His clone will also drop a grenade when it is destroyed.

Supersonic Man: Zane gains increased movement speed for each active action skill: (max) 15% each. Additionally, teleportation is considered to be Zane’s maximum speed for its duration and 5s after. 

Tier 5: oh god oh fuck oh god.

Like a Ghost: Oh god why. Zane and his digiclone gain a (max) 15% chance to ignore all damage while teleporting and for 7s after.

Boom. Enhance: actually a pretty swell skill. I would probably add Health Regen +3% per grenade tho. Blane needs help a lot.

Trick of the Light: bring back the shock damage. Zane deals 40% bonus shock damage for 7s after swapping places with his clone.

Tier 6: oh ngl I actually love this capstone lol

Double Barrel: Zane’s digiclone gains a copy of Zane’s current gun when it is deployed (and all the anointments work and he actually fires it like a reasonable person). Zane’s clone now deals damage equal to Zane’s base weapon damage. Upon swapping places, both Zane and his digiclone deal 50% bonus damage for 7s.

Augments: 

Binary System: is okay. Kinda uhhh underwhelming tho. Buff up the damage and also maybe reduce teleportation time.

Schadenfreude: I like this one a lot. Zane’s shield is restored by 100% of the damage his digiclone takes and vice versa.

Dopplebanger: lower the waiting time. I get that u don’t wanna override the teleportation, but it’s really annoying. Buff damage and don’t make it dependent on action skill duration. If this explosion kills an enemy, the clone is reactivated with 50% action skill duration.

Which One’s Real?: I’ve never actually felt this work. Maybe for like 2 seconds? Make it work more like Zer0′s hologram or Timmy’s Jack clones or smth. Maybe give an activation cue? im v lost with this one. Enemies targeting Zane take 30% more damage from the digiclone.

Digital Distribution: 75% of the health damage Zane takes is distributed to his clone instead. The digiclone gains 5% Health Regeneration/s and sends out 3 [level specific damage] shock spikes to enemies that attack it. 

literally all Zane needs is SYNERGY. if they can change a few skills, pump up a few numbers, and ffs fix the seein’ red/dead capstone/mod, they’d be in FUCKIN BUSINESS

but no instead

THEY LOCKED THE BUFF BEHIND A PAYWALL.

WHYYYYYY

[fangirlingweirdo]

TWT analysis - spoiler alert!

First of all, I just wanna start off by saying that this is heavily based on my opinions and just my personal review about the movie. I’ll try categorize them into different parts and make it brief as possible.

Story

I’m just go out and say I freakin LOVE Trolls World Tour. The concept of the movie where each tribes of trolls is a combination of different genres of music was very uniquely established and it feels so clever. The amount of energy in this film is more fun and exciting than the first film as it kinda introduces different types of trolls and their types of music and culture, showing that there’s more than just pop trolls in the troll kingdom. The underlying themes where dreamworks introduces the ideas about cultural appropriation, colonialism and musical criticism has never been more relevant and more applicable in society’s issues. The message behind the movie is very clear and they executed that perfectly to the viewers, especially to the younger audiences teaching about diversity and that it’s okay to be different and that differences matters. Although I do noticed some inconsistencies in the movie like they have been given a very little time to introduce the different types of trolls and the rushed subplots of the film, Like Cooper having his own story arc where he found out he’s actually a funk troll, (a pop and funk troll) Though I hope they left all those details on Trollstopia.

Animation

I could just let the movie speak for the animation itself and not give a review about it, but I just have to. The animation is a 10/10! periodt. from the visuals to the color to the character designs, you will never be disappointed. Dreamworks animation has a reputation for its good animation, and Trolls is definitely a game changer and the team outdid themselves with this one. Not only with the vibrant colors that stayed since the first film, but also the follow up included new visuals to overall enhance the look of the story, like with pop trolls and their combination of vibrant hues of colors and glitters, and with rock and their angsty mood and redish hues, and the other tribes of trolls that correlates with their type of genre.

Characters

I feel like this is gonna be longer than my other reviews for I do have a lotta bone to pick with this one. So WARNING, this ought to be long. You can skip and scroll it down if you want.

let’s start off with Poppy. Little Queen Poppy. She now became the Queen of the pop trolls and it’s up to her how she’s gonna rule the trolls. (obviously) Then she found out that there’s this whole other world of trolls and she now.. suddenly wants to reunite all trolls and their music. She also got a side plot where she tries to be this epitome of a “good queen” that is kinda her motivation throughout film. At first you’ll think, what’s wrong with Poppy? Like she IS the main protagonist in the movie, so creators must’ve made her like the ‘hero’ in the film. Well... 👀 hmm I— I dunno bout that. let’s see.

I get that the film wants to give her an arc where she has to understand the differences between them (pop trolls) and these other kinds of trolls. And then in addition to her optimistic, bubbly personality, she wants to unite all trolls against the viewed villain in film Queen Barb who wants to destroy all music and make em under rock. Everything could’ve ended greatly if Poppy will just listen. (i get it. whole point of the film is poppy not listening) Her tunnel vision kinda made her annoying at this time around. Her overall ideology about pop being the superior music has made it hard for her to accept all the other types of trolls and their genres of music. In a scene in Lonesome Flats, she kinda just.. disregarded the whole idea of “music can be also sad cause life is sad sometimes” she thinks that music is suppose to make you happy, which is true in a sense but not disparaging the fact that music can also be about sadness and other things in life.

Throughout the whole film, she’s only too focused on one thing and refuses to listen to any advice, especially given by Branch, Biggie, even from her own father. It just felt a bit out of character for me. I guess she might’ve thought her positive, optimistic ways that led the bergens to be their friends kinda checked out and saved the trolls so might as well do the same on this one, when clearly that’s NOT the case.

There was also that one scene where she kinda gets down on Branch for being a bad friend when he gave her constructive criticism and advice (in the raft), completely taking his words out of context assuming he doesn’t think of her as a good queen. (At this point, I wish he could’ve just said yes cuz honestly, it’s getting annoying lmao.) Which is.. why exactly? He’s with her throughout, supporting her despite all the warnings.. but anyways.

I guess the only thing I like about her is she did get the arc that she needed. I mean I thought her not listening has been her whole thing in the franchise like in the first film and Trolls Holiday. I kinda wanted her to realize the stubbornness she acted upon throughout the whole film and somehow it was executed quite nicely..? I sure wish this is the last time she won’t listen and that she learned from all these things. Overall, her character.. didn’t really work out for me this time unlike in the first film though her growth and development is enough. Hopefully they’ll work out on her character more in the future.

Now, Let’s go to Branch. Personally, I love him. He’s my favorite throughout the whole franchise. I’m just gonna say it now, but i’ll try not to look biased here. lol

I love how branch is the sensible one this time. I get that he became like the voice of reason for Poppy and her consort. And let me just say the character development of Branch, from being reclusive, withdrawn type of troll now becoming more open and congenial, the personality growth has made his character so much fitting and I’m so glad to see that. His vulnerability made it easier for him to connect with other trolls, especially to Poppy. There was that one scene where he opened himself to Hickory about his feelings towards Poppy. Just minutes before that scene, he didn’t trust him. But then moments later, he became honest to him, showing a huge amount of growth in his character.

All those aspects really built Branch’s character more stronger. However, I couldn’t help but wish there’s more like an arc to him as well. I mean there has been a lot of injustices for his character. Like basically since the first film, no one’s ever listened to him, even with his warnings about the bergens returning to get them, which turns out he’s actually right by the way and yet no one acknowledges it and still same thing happened in the second film. It’s like a running gag now at this point, where no one listens to Branch and Poppy and the other trolls downplays Branch’s excessive preparedness for danger, then at the end he was actually right about his assumptions. I’m not saying that Branch is always right and that Poppy is wrong. I’m saying they could’ve at least find a balance between that, where Poppy would listen more to Branch and Branch would at least dial down the paranoia and acknowledge the positivity Poppy tries to show. (but then I realized if that happens, the show wouldn’t be as interesting anymore lol)

His range of emotions and awareness is definitely not like other pop trolls. I saw this observation in where he claimed he liked the music of country trolls, sad and a bit gloomy not like the kind of music they are used to sing. And then I realized, he was actually the first troll to ever like a different genre of music. His flexibility and openness to different ideas and genres of other trolls has made him more unique from Poppy or any other pop troll, even blending in with the kpop and reggaton trolls. I just wished they didn’t just reduced his character as being the typical “love interest” of the main character, but making like an arc storyline for him as well (hopefully in future) in my opinion.

Now I bleed Broppy. I definitely love the subplot of the movie where Branch tries to confess his love for Poppy, which at first I thought “didn’t we already do this in the first film though?” but then I guess it wasn’t really official. Basically the story kinda revolves around them and how they teamed up to discover all these new types of music and trolls. It’s almost like a nostalgic feeling for the older viewers when they first headed out to an adventure in the first film. Only difference is Branch is harboring strong romantic feelings for Poppy, whom may also feel the same but totally oblivious to it. The subtle interactions between the two of them brings different energies in the movie, and those interactions are just what we need. Like with affirmations they give each other, and the cheeky smile exchanges. You can really feel the romantic tension between the two, which really vibes with the atmosphere of the show, especially given the chemistry between them in the first film.

The third act breakup of Branch and Poppy was definitely relevant to the story and their different personalities having to give them space for a re-evaluation of their friendship. Honestly that was totally necessary for their relationship, considering how different they are together, especially with Branch who wants to take their relationship in the next level (and that applies for Poppy as well whom I’m sure also feels the same way) So it’s reasonable they had to split for a while, not to ultimately close the chance of them being friends again because of being different but the fact that despite their differences, their love and care for each other will always be stronger, and that will help them find a way to make up again, which is what the message of the main plot tries to exhibit. I do wished they put like a moment for them where they just apologize for their actions (talking to you poppy. ahem)

Overall Branch’s character has left me half satisfied and somehow craving for more development and revelations about his background. The overall growth of his character since the first film is definitely something worth treasuring.

Now with Queen Barb. Well, She’s something else huh? 😆 With the movie running low on time to introduce these whole new characters, they definitely put enough time for us to get to know Barb. Her character as villain was introduced quite nicely. Although rock genre being shown as the villain, isn’t that a little overdone now at this point? But anyways..

Her plan was to unite all strings and make all trolls from different genres become a rock troll or rock zombie. Basically she just despises other genres of music so she forcefully took all different strings to destroy all music except rock. Kinda like what Poppy wants..? Now here me out. It’s like when Barb said she and Poppy are the same. Both of them wants to unite all trolls. Only difference is their mindsets about music. Barb thinks all other genres music are awful except for rock, and Poppy thinks pop music is the right music. There is one who thinks that other music are distasteful and one who thinks their music is the superior. If anything, Barb has a more reasonable point in trying to dominate the troll kingdom. Barb acknowledges the differences between them and the other trolls, and it may not be the right way to do it, she just wants to unite all trolls because she thinks music is what divides them. While Poppy wants to unite all trolls despite their differences, it’s almost like forcing them to give up their own music to follow what Poppy thinks is the right music. Either way, their interpretation of music isn’t really helping with what they want to achieve.

The only hole in her story I guess is that as she tries to dominate the troll kingdom, she didn’t seem to realize that her motives to destroy all music is almost the same as what the ancestors of pop trolls did, making her look like a hypocrite even though totally despising the pop trolls after what their ancestors did in the past.

Overall her character is very well executed as the villain of the film. Although you can easily sympathize with her. Unlike with the Chef in the first film, I can’t show any sympathizing emotions towards her. All throughout you’ll only be feeling mad toward the Chef. While with Barb, I honestly even had a hard time picturing her as an antagonist. For me she’s just a queen, who wants to unite all trolls. I guess her twisted ideologies made her look like the bad guy, but despite that, she’s doesn’t really look like the villain in the film. Now she had a change of heart, I am very excited to see more of her in the future.

Others

Like I said, with a short amount of time given in the film, there’s really not enough space for the creators to introduce these other trolls and their background like the Classical, Techno, Funk, and Country trolls. Though I had a little problem with TWT. I am such a fan of classical music, and I think they had the most brief screen time throughout the film. I was excited to see them in the trailer tho, and they had shortest amount of time in the film. lol but that ain’t important. I’m just saying, there’s a lot more to see and learn about these new introduced trolls. Now i’m not gonna lie though, as adorable as it looks, there are those characters that are only made for merchandise. (*ahem* tiny diamond *ahem*)

The musical numbers are definitely a feast in the eyes. Although very much consuming all the time in the movie and didn’t leave enough space for character development, I still love the music. I feel like the TWT soundtrack is so underrated though. For the whole week since I’ve first watched the film, I cannot stop bopping along with Don’t Slack. 😆

The new casts are adorable! Anderson Paak was there, Sam Rockwell was there, Heck Ozzy Osbourne was even there! I cannot stop watching the behind the scenes of the movie. They are all great!

Conclusion

Overall, the whole theme of the movie and all the underlying messages behind it was definitely well executed in the movie. The line that pretty much sums up the whole movie would be “denying our differences is denying who we are” has a powerful impact, and the message behind it is very relevant till this day. It also teaches the viewers about having to respect one’s preferences of their taste in music. From the storyline to animation to character developments, although there’s still a lot of inconsistencies in the film, they still managed to make the movie worth watching and worth recommending.

I’ve been thinking about these things now and I just feel like I need to let it out here lol. If you guys have any thoughts, feel free to tell me! 😄

[wewillwriteyou]

Crazy Little Thing Called Love || Chapter 10

A few elements from the main plot: A fine line falls between fiction and reality: what starts as a musical slowly becomes a game-changer. Tables will turn and it will get clear as the sun that the only unstoppable power in life … is love.

Summary Chapter 10: Christmas is coming and some people go, others stay at the campus. But what if, as it always happens, plans will change last minute? And what if ‘these plans’ are none other than Ben’s plans?

Word count: 5.2K+

Warnings: Language here and there, but this chapter is mainly fluff / descriptions, so safe territory everyone

A/N: This chapter is indeed one of our favourites, folks! We loved writing it, so we do hope you’ll like as much as we do! 💛 xx

Tuesday, 24 December 2019

The Sorceress was right: he had leaped without looking. Leaped into something that was bigger than him and any of us mortals. Suddenly, a plan unravelled before his eyes. To fix everything. To make amends. This time he knew he couldn’t do it by himself. He needed help.

The alarm going off made him jump off the bed. He turned it off fast but not fast enough to prevent Rami from waking up.

“Sorry mate,” Ben apologised to his roommate as he pulled a suitcase from under his bed.

“It’s Christmas Eve – Rami mumbled, rolling on the other side of his bed – did you need to set a goddamn alarm today?”

“It’s almost twelve…” Ben observed, chuckling.

“Yeah, but still… Christmas Eve…” Rami complained, using his pillow to cover his ears.

“My dad’s picking me up in an hour – Ben shook his head chuckling and threw him a cushion – we’re going to Italy on the annual ski trip”

“Right, - Rami threw the pillow back and got up, stretching his spine – how did he convince Miss New Americana?”

Ben rolled his eyes, chuckling lightly. Miss New Americana was his dad’s fiancée and she was… not easy, to be nice. Something of a bitch, to be honest.

When his parents were still together, the Hardy’s would always go to Italy in the winter break and Ben only had happy memories of that time.

After Ben’s mom died just as he was starting college, he and his dad went on the ski trip on their own for a couple of years. And then he met Linda, a sparkling pink American who inexplicably made his dad happy but who was clearly more interested in his dad’s money than she was in his actual happiness.

That would have been the first year someone outside the family had joined their trip and Linda didn’t seem like the type of person who liked to… mess up her hairstyle with sky goggles.

“I suppose he’s gonna tell her we’re gonna go to Milan to go shopping and then listen to her complaints during the whole trip once she realises he lied to her” Ben answered, making Rami chuckle from the bathroom.

Rami closed the water and emerged from the bathroom with the towel around his neck, “Are you gonna survive with her there?”

“No Rami, - Ben stopped and pointed a finger at him – the question is: is she gonna survive with me there?”

Rami laughed, “Oh God, you’re gonna be your own first client, Mr lawyer…”

They were both laughing when Ben’s phone rang and his dad’s number appeared on the screen.

“Yeah dad, I’m almost ready, what time are you gonna be here?”

Rami got out of his pijama and went through his drawers to find a shirt, he could tell something had happened by Ben’s facial expression. He watched him slowly put the wool socks back on the bed, out of the suitcase, and sit on the mattress.

“You must be joking. Tell me you’re joking.” Ben harshly said on the phone and Rami mouthed him a ‘what’ but Ben just shook his head.

“Dad, you know she’s just playing you, right? Are you still falling for her crap?” Ben rubbed a hand on the back of his neck and let it fall on his side.

“I cannot believe you’re taking her side…”

Rami walked up to him and sat on his bed while buttoning up his shirt.

Ben was defeated. His dad was one of the best lawyers in the UK, after all. He let his head fall forward and hid his face in the palm of the hand that wasn’t holding the phone.

“Fine – he blurted out, interrupting his dad on the other side – Do whatever she says. I don’t care. I hope you two are gonna be happy.”

He was about to hang up when, “Oh, and I’m glad to hear I’m the only one of us to still give a shit about mom.”

Hitting the red button, he ended the call and threw the phone into the suitcase. He brought his hands to his face and rested his elbows on the knees, exhaling frustrated.

“I can’t believe her – he began – when he told her about the trip she flipped out and caused a scene in the middle of his Christmas dinner party and threatened to leave him and go back to her parents and my dad, being the dumbass that he is, told her they didn’t have to go if she didn’t want to…”

Ben exhaled tiredly, even if he’d just woken up.

“What a manipulative bitch… - Rami commented – I’m sorry, man”

Ben got up again and began unpacking, “Yeah, I know”

“You can come with me and my folks… I can try booking you a last-minute ticket to Egypt”

“Thanks, Rami, but I don’t think it’s possible… and in any case, I’d feel like an outsider with you and your family”

“You know my parents love you,” Rami patted on his shoulder before going to the wardrobe again to pick out his trousers.

Ben half smiled, “Thanks, man”

An effusive knock on the door interrupted them.

Rami opened the door and an impeccably dressed Lucy made her entrance.

“Happy Christmas Eve boys,” she kissed him on the cheek and went up to Ben to place a kiss on his lips.

She noticed Ben was unpacking and frowned, “Aren’t you supposed to be already packed? – she shot a look at Rami and he shook his head while looking down – What happened?”

Ben exhaled and threw his last T-shirt on the duvet, “Linda. That’s what happened…”

Lucy placed a hand on his back and brushed it soothingly, “I’m sorry, babe… you can always come at my parents’ if you want”

“Thanks, Luce, but I think I’m not in the mood…” Ben walked away to put his clothes back in his drawers, letting Lucy’s hand fall back to her side.

She furrowed her eyebrows, “So where ‘re you gonna go?”

Ben closed the wardrobe and put his hands in his pockets, “I think I’ll stay here…”

“Here? – Lucy shrieked – You wanna be alone at Christmas?”

Ben huffed, “I’m not gonna be alone, Luce. There’s a lot of people who don’t go home for Christmas and I know they’re throwing a small party tonight at the cafeteria… more like a Christmas dinner for the ones who cannot have one with their families and-”

“It’s because of her, isn’t it?” Lucy cut him off. Steam was already bowling up in her head and she had to force herself to listen to what he had to say instead of storming out of the room.

“What? No, Lucy I-”

“Don’t play dumb with me, Ben, I know you’re not telling me something and I plead you tell me before I walk out of that door or I won’t be coming back”

“Alex’s gonna be at her parents for the holidays… – Rami jumped in – She was telling Elizabeth the other day at rehearsal. She’s leaving tonight…”

Lucy moved her eyes from Rami to Ben, “That doesn’t answer my question, though”

She knew Ben better than she knew herself and he was hiding something. Since the beginning of the month, she had noticed that something was off with him. He talked less and missed a couple of rehearsals. He hung out more with his canoeing team than with the cast of the musical. And more importantly, he’d been avoiding physical contact as much as he could.

Lucy knew something had happened with Alex, she just knew.

Since that kiss on stage, she hadn’t believed a word he had told her. He swore it didn’t mean anything and he was just acting but she smelled the lie from miles away.

Lucy distinctly remembered Ben kissing her like that, with that passion… but it had stopped ages ago. And she had been fine with it because she had always been told that after the excitement of the beginning, it was normal to lose the spark in a relationship and ‘get used’ to the routine.

Seeing him having the same spark they had with another woman had nearly driven her crazy.

She refused to believe they were done. She couldn’t accept the idea she was losing him. Ben. They had been through so much together and she knew for sure her parents were already looking into wedding halls for when they’d graduate. They had not-so-discretely told her they needed to be together because ‘it was good to the families’ on countless occasions.

And even though all of the above was true, she still needed to know what had happened so she could dump his ass before he could do it with her. She refused to be the cheated loser who got dumped by Ben Hardy. God, my parents are gonna kill me, was the only thought that circled inside her head.

She struggled in keeping up her stone-cold bitch façade, but she felt like she was crumbling to pieces and she knew she couldn’t have held it much longer.

Ben almost involuntarily glanced at the dresser by the door and Lucy followed his gaze.

The picture of them at the first canoeing race he ever won was sitting in its frame, the glass completely shattered.

“What happened to that picture?” she asked, her voice squeaky.

“Crap,” Rami muttered under his breath and walked away from the couple, closing the bathroom door behind him.

Lucy stared at the broken glass, her mouth agape, “Did she do this?” her voice feeble.

Ben looked at his feet, running miles in his head to find a plausible answer that wouldn’t completely shatter their relationship.

“Fucking say something, Ben!” Lucy shouted.

“It was an accident! – Ben shouted back, still averting her eyes – Alex had come by and-”

“That’s all I needed,” Lucy cut him off and aimed to the door, but Ben blocked her arm.

“Let go of me,” she wriggled her arm away.

“I’m sorry, Lucy, I really am-”

“For what Ben, uh? For wrecking our first memory as boyfriend and girlfriend? For cheating on me? Or for me founding out about you two? Uh?”

Ben didn’t know what to say.

“You bastard,” Lucy’s voice broke as she completed those last words and while Ben stood there she opened the door.

She walked out, but before shutting the door behind her she turned one more time, “Rot in hell, Ben Hardy”.

With that said Lucy slammed shut the door on their relationship.

It was over.

Ben walked back to his bed and sat there staring at the floor.

“Jeez mate,” Rami emerged from the bathroom.

Ben looked up to him, “You heard everything I suppose…”. Rami nodded.

Ben scoffed, “What have I done, man?”

“Well, to be honest… a fucking mess” Rami sat in front of him and Ben emitted a bittersweet chuckle.

“Thanks… – Ben brushed a hand in his hair – What do I do now?”

Rami exhaled, “How much do you need me to be honest?”

Ben looked at him and realised Rami was probably the only person who knew him well enough to give him advice on this, “100%. Shoot.”

Rami nodded, “Listen, Ben, you’re my best mate and you choose complete honesty so I have to tell you… You acted like a dick.”

Ben sarcastically chuckled, “Well thanks, man, I needed that…”

“Let me talk…” Rami shushed him, “You acted like a dick with both Lucy and Alex. You cheated on Lucy, knowing all the shit you two had been through and you lied to her about the kiss with Alex on stage. You deluded Alex you two could be together without telling her that you still hadn’t talked to Lucy and you had no intention of doing it soon…”

Ben was staring at the floor, feeling all the horrible things he’d done stabbing his back like daggers.

“So now you have to do only one thing and you have two ways to do it… - Rami continued – You have to make things right with both of them and you can either choose to run after Lucy or go talk to Alex. Your choice.”

Ben finally looked up at him and saw a half-smile on Rami’s face, meaning that he’d support either of his choices. Like he had always done.

He smiled, “Thanks, Rami”. They both got up and Ben hugged him, suddenly knowing what to do.

He walked away from his friend, picked up his phone, jacket and keys and headed to the door.

“I’ll probably be gone by the time you’re back, – Rami said, making Ben turn to look at him – so don’t do anything stupid. And keep out of trouble.”

Ben smiled, “Merry Christmas, mate”

As he closed the door behind him he heard Rami shouting Merry Christmas asshole back to him. He chuckled to himself and let his feet walk him in the only direction he wanted to go.

***

“So you’re telling me you’ll spend New Year’s Eve here?”, Denise tucked her phone between her head and shoulder and picked up her books, then headed towards the library’s exit.

“Apparently so,” Gwilym was cheerier than she’d expected and it made her smile to herself.

“That’s cool… – she tried to keep a straight tone while dodging the people in the corridor and finally stepping outside the building – Well, let me know when you’re gonna be here. We could… grab a bite… and maybe wait for New Years in the main hall with the others…”

Gwilym smiled widely, “I would love that”

Denise was able to contain her joy only because of the books she was holding. She was actually jumping around inside her head.

As she proceeded on the sidewalk of the 9th dormitory, she noticed a familiar puff of blond hair waving at her from the distance.

“Listen, Gwil, I’ll call you back.” She hung up the phone and fished it not without some struggle in her pocket.

“Hi, Ben… What are you doing here?”

“Hey Denise, – he sounded nervous and after everything Alex had told her, she didn’t know how what to think of him – I was looking for Alex and I know she lives here, but I don’t know her room… Is there any chance you could tell me?”

Denise furrowed her eyebrows and narrowed her eyes, “And why should I tell you that?”

Ben was confused at first, but then he realised Alex had probably told her what had happened between them.

“Listen, Denise – he started, brushing his hair nervously – I need to speak to her as soon as possible. She hasn’t picked up my calls in weeks and, besides that, I need to do this in person… I wanna make things right, trust me. I’m here to make things right.”

Denise stared at him and he did look desperate. She knew Alex would have killed her, but she decided to trust her instinct, “The room is 986. Second floor, west end of the corridor.”

Ben let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, “Thank you”.

He patted her on the shoulder and smiled, before climbing the steps to the building.

“Don’t make me regret this, Hardy” she shouted before he could enter and he turned to wave as if to say ‘promise’.

Ben eluded security and ran towards the stairs, jumping two steps at a time. He was so focused on arriving in time that he couldn’t think of anything to say to her face.

When he got to the door, he almost hesitated to knock.

Suck it up Hardy, he said to himself and rapidly knocked on the wooden surface, eagerly waiting for an answer.

“Who is it?” Elizabeth asked.

“It’s Ben,” he cleared his voice.

The door opened and Elizabeth emerged with only her head from behind it, a nervous smile on her face, “Hey Ben, what are you doing here?”

Ben looked her up and down and hesitated for a second, wondering who was she waiting for that made her so nervous.

“Uhm, I was looking for Alex… I need to talk to her urgently”

Elizabeth’s expression changed, “Oh, ehm… she left last night to go to her parents… I’m sorry”

“Oh,” he lowered his gaze as to think about a backup plan. He had not seen that coming. He looked up to Elizabeth again, “They live in town right? Do you know the address?”

“Wow, well Ben you’re asking me a lot…” Elizabeth inadvertently opened the door more and he took it as an invitation to walk inside.

He looked around and noticed that only one bed was undone, sign that at least one of the roommates had probably not slept there that night.

The girl closed the door with a scoff and he squared her up and down. She was wearing a large t-shirt that was most certainly not hers and that only barely covered her super short shorts.

Elizabeth scoffed again and crossed her arms on her chest, “Eyes up here, Hardy… - he recomposed himself but couldn’t hide a smirk. She was evidently waiting for someone – What you’re asking me is betraying a friend. A friend that clearly doesn’t want to hear from you… or she would have picked up at least one of your calls, wouldn’t she?”

Ben looked at his feet and brought a hand on the back of his neck, looking for a good excuse as to why Elizabeth should have trusted him.

When he was about to speak, the noise of water starting and stopping right after interrupted the silence.

Ben looked at the girl with a confused and way too amused face, “If Alex’s not here… who’s in there?”

He watched her gasping for words and then hiding her face behind her palms when the bathroom door opened.

Joe emerged from the door frame in pijama pants, with no t-shirt on and a towel around his neck. He widened his eyes as soon as he registered what was going on.

Ben’s eyes widened as well and he brought a hand to his mouth in disbelief. He darted his look between the two of them and a smirk gleamed on his lips, as he did the math: Joe’s pants and Elizabeth’s t-shirt were undoubtedly two pieces of a whole pijama.

“Oh shit,” was the only thing Joe could say.

“Oh my God… – Ben snickered – what the fuck’s going on here?”

Joe glanced at Elizabeth but she was still hiding behind her hands. She peeked from between her fingers and she could see the two boys staring at her. She let her hands fall and huffed.

“We are both staying here for Christmas and both roommate-less… - Liz hoped the phrase would complete itself, but when she saw Ben nodding in her direction, asking to continue, she rolled her eyes – Joe moved in here for the holidays”

Ben laughed out loud, earning a punch on the arm from the girl, “Cut it out, Hardy.”

She knew she should have been more worried about someone knowing that a guy was sleeping in the female dormitory, but when she caught Joe who had started breaking as well, she couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Fine, - she conceded recomposing herself – but you can’t tell anyone about this, okay?”

Ben tried pushing down the laughter and nodded forcefully, clearing his throat, “Don’t worry… Your little secret is safe with me…”. He winked at Elizabeth, unable to hide his wily smirk.

“There’s no secret – Joe blurted out, his face more nervous than he cared to admit – Nothing happened here…”

“Right, – Ben nodded condescendingly – and she’s wearing your tee because she doesn’t have any clothes?”

He raised an eyebrow and chuckled at the redness that was spreading on both their faces. They were so cute, both embarrassed and awkward every time he suggested there was something between them.

It was crystal clear to his eyes that there was something there and he smiled to himself, wishing he and Alex had taken things as slowly as they had. Because it was evident to him now that there had always been something else besides friendship between Joe and Elizabeth. All those stolen glances he had caught during rehearsal and the way Joe had reacted when he’d seen Elizabeth kissing Gwilym. It was not casual.

Only after a few seconds, he realised that whatever had happened in that room, they probably hadn’t talked about it yet.

“Listen, guys, - he started, - I’m not here to mess around… I have to talk to Alex. I screwed things up and I want to make them right, now that I have the chance. I need to make things right.”

Joe and Elizabeth shared a glance.

“Can you please help me? – Ben continued – I’ll keep your secret, I swear. Just please, will you help me?”

Elizabeth glanced at Joe again and he nodded as to say ‘it’s your call’.

She exhaled, “I’ll write it down for you – Ben let out a breath of relief, but Elizabeth continued – but you have to swear on everything you’ve got that you will not make me regret helping you.”

Ben forcefully nodded, “Sure, I swear. I do”

“And you have to shut your mouth about what you just saw,” Joe jumped in.

Again, Ben nodded and watched as Elizabeth picked up her phone and texted him the address.

“Thank you. For real,” he said to both of them.

Elizabeth half-smiled, “You’re welcome, Hardy. Now get out of here before I change my mind…”

“Merry Christmas, guys,” Ben said with a chuckle, before patting Joe on the shoulder and sprinting towards the door.

As it closed behind him, Joe turned to Elizabeth, “You know you sent Alex a ticking time bomb right?”

She sat down on the bed, thinking that Joe was probably right and that Alex would have killed her for what she’d done. But she also knew Ben and Alex were both secretive, big-headed people that lived in the fear of letting someone close.

Well, sometimes people like them needed a small push to take the leap.

Elizabeth chuckled to herself, “Yeah, that’s my Christmas present.”

***

“I told you, it’s not just another musical. It will be very important for my extra credits and, besides, I get to play the piano in front of the whole campus which is the closest I’ve ever gotten to a concert” Alex replied, shrugging her shoulders and placing the carrots on the cutting board.

“Thank you, dear,” her mom said and Alex smiled, kissing her on the temple. It was Christmas Eve’s afternoon, but Christmas dinner was already taking its form on the stove.

“Still find it useless, you could be studying other stuff instead of wasting your time playing a witch” her brother Jason commented.

“Oh, like economy? Like you, Jay? ‘m sorry to disappoint you, but my place will never be behind a computer typing on the board all day” Alex sassily replied, raising her left eyebrow.

“And where’s your place, Alex?” Jason used his smart-ass tone, that knew would have bothered his sister for days.

Alex inhaled sharply and walked towards the table where Jason was sat at. She put her hands on the marble surface and leaned down until her eyes were looking straight into his.

“In front of thousands of people, that cheer my name”

“Like mother like daughter – their father appeared in the kitchen, still wearing the gloves he had used to collect the firewood – she always used to say she would have sold theatres and would have danced for the Queen,” he proudly continued, hugging his wife from behind.

“And that’s exactly what I did. Apart from the exhibition in front of the Queen”, the woman chuckled, turning her head to place a brief kiss on her husband’s lips.

Alex looked at them and sincerely smiled, before turning in her brother’s direction.

“You see: a dancer, a conductor – she started, indicating their parents – a wanna-be musician – she went on indicating herself – and then there’s you, an accountant” she ended her sentence indicating Jason.

They all started to giggle.

“How many times will I have to hear this story?” Jason asked, defeated.

“Until mom and dad admit you’ve been adopted, there’s no other explanation to me” Alex joked, messing his hair up. He pushed her away and they cackled again.

“It would be weird to discover that at thirty years old, don’t you think so?”

“There’s always time for new discoveries. Am I wrong dad?” Alex said, walking closer to her mom and stealing a carrot to munch it.

“You’re absolutely right, my dear” the man answered, winking at his daughter and walking out of the kitchen to go and light the fire up inside the fireplace.

The two women started to laugh, while Jason rolled his eyes getting up to help his dad with the wood. Alex’s mom scrolled her head and kissed her daughter’s forehead.

“Let me help you,” Alex said, taking the knife from her hand.

All of a sudden, while the two men were struggling with the fire in the living room and Alex was cutting vegetables for her mother, the doorbell rang.

“George, are you expecting someone?” Alex’s mom shouted from the kitchen.

“No, Eveline, I’m not. Christ, why won’t it light up?” her husband answered in a rush, before starting to insult the wood that did not want to burn.

“I’ll go and see who’s it,” Alex promptly said, and her mother thanked her before going back to cook.

She cast a glance at the salon and could not contain a hushed chuckle that escaped her lips in seeing her dad so pissed kneeling in front of the fireplace and an even more pissed Jason standing behind him.

She scrolled her head and toddled towards the door.

Alex did not know whom she was expecting to find; maybe a family’s friend, or the postman, or even one of their relatives that had decided to surprise them. She was sure of only one thing: she surely would’ve not expected to find him.

“Ben! – her welcoming smile fading away from her lips in the exact moment she opened the door and saw him, standing there – how … what ar-”

“It’s over. Between me and Lucy, it’s over” he cut her off and let out in a rush.

He seemed out of breath as if he had run a marathon to get there in time. His coat was unbuttoned and his scarf was carelessly entangled around his neck, while the keys of his car were dangling from his index finger.

Alex opened her mouth and, looking behind her back, she took a step outside to have some ‘privacy’.

“Ben, I … that’s … I mean, I don’t think it’s the right time to have this conversation” Alex stuttered and had to cough halfway into the sentence to recompose her tone.

Her heart was jumping at the sight of him, but her brain was sending thousands of warning signs. She had to think about the way she had felt when she left his room that day, the way she had felt every other day at rehearsals when she had to pretend nothing had happened.  

Ben slightly nodded and looked down to the ground for a brief instant, while a few snowflakes graciously fell on his blonde hair.

“It’s just, that… ‘ve missed you, Alex. And I know I screwed everything up, but … you know, when this morning Lucy walked out of my bedroom I felt I finally had a choice,”

He paused again, finding the strength to look into Alex’s eyes.

“And I choose you” he then confessed.

A long stripe of frozen breath flew out from the corner of his mouth and, while he was breathing, free from the burden he had carried on his chest, Alex, at those words, felt as if her lungs had stopped functioning.

“Ben – she started, unsure on what saying after – I think it’s better if we talk about all of this after the holidays” her tone was cold. Glacial.

Panic had taken over her body and her insecurities had immediately built a barrier to shield her, cutting Ben out once again.

“There’s my whole family inside, it’s not the right time for this. You understand that right?” she proceeded when she noticed Ben had not dared to speak a word yet.

“I understand – he echoed her, nodding – Merry Christmas, then” and saying that, he turned on his heels and walked towards his car.

Alex felt tears reaching her eyes and had to look up to push them away. When she decided to reserve one last gaze at Ben, she noticed he was struggling with the car’s ignition.

He punched the steering wheel and exited the car.

“It doesn't start-up,” he said, letting his arms fall loose by his sides.

“Are you joking?! – Alex shouted, feeling her heart pumping harder inside her chest; when he scrolled his head, she knew she didn’t have any choice – come inside” she surrendered.

Ben’s chin touched the ground as he tried, and failed, to hide the big smile that was now adorning his face. Alex opened the door for him and let him step inside first.

“I talk, you keep your mouth shut!” she threatened him and, as an answer, Ben pretended to zip his lips.  

“Alex, who was at the … oh, hi” Jason appeared from the living room and grinned at the scene in front of his eyes. Soon, their parents too emerged from the salon and the kitchen and Alex felt as if she was under the spotlight.  

“Ehm, this is Ben, a friend from college – she cleared her throat and felt her mouth go drier – his car broke down”

“Oh, that’s terrible!” Alex’s mom immediately commented.

“One of my friends is a mechanic! I’ll call him and tell him to come here and have a look” Alex’s dad, promptly suggested.

“No need to rush, sir. Really. No one is expecting me at home, so I’m in no hurry” Ben almost innocently replied in front of all that kindness, not thinking about how terrible his situation sounded from outside.

Alex had snapped her head in his direction, not sure she had heard correctly. When Ben met her worried gaze, he immediately said:

“Not a big deal, no need to be preoccupied. Everything is… fine”

“Don’t be ridiculous, no one should be alone on Christmas! You can stay here with us. Alex what do you think?” her mom kindly offered and Alex could not stop the redness that spread all over her cheeks.

Jason smirked when she saw her blushing.

Alex looked up at Ben, who shrugged his shoulder and she found herself sighing in defeat.

Her heart had won another match.  

“You can stay. If you want”

On Ben’s lips crept a smile so big, that he thought he would have burst of happiness in a couple of seconds.

“I can’t even find the words to thank you right now,” he then said, diverting his eyes from Alex to her family.

“Oh don’t worry, dear. It’s a pleasure – Alex’s mum said walking closer to hug him – George, Jason, ask him if he needs help with the luggage and Alex, come in the kitchen and add one more seat for tonight’s dinner” she added, plucking Ben’s cheek.

“At your orders” Jason answered and took his coat. Once he was close enough, he elbowed Alex who reserved him an immediate middle finger.

Ben laughed under his breath and it was in that moment that Alex thought about one thing. She took him by the sleeve of the jacket and, as he was about to step out and guide Alex’s brother and dad to his car, she pulled him down and whispered:

“How did you know my address?”

Ben flushed and, nervously adjusting his scarf, he caressed the back of his neck and replied:

“That’s actually a pretty funny story”

-

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[scarmander]

Women, power and anger

An analysis of Game of Throne’s misogyny regarding Daenerys Targaryen in the last two seasons.

This is a very long rant. It’s over 4000 words. I needed to get this off my chest because it helps with my grieving process. 

A quick summary: I try to figure out when the show decided they wanted to go with the ‘Mad Queen’ bullshit theory. I try to undertand why they’ve done her so dirty lately. Spoiler alert. It’s not pretty.

So, if you want to know 

Game of Thrones has been known for its brutality, its shocking twists and deaths and ruthless scriptwriting. It is also known for having ‘strong’ female characters amidst broken journeys and fallen heroes. In a sea of raped, enslaved, prostituted and belittled women our female protagonists were born. From those patriarchaly imposed positions of subordination Daenerys Stormborn, Yara Greyjoy, Missandei of Naath, Brienne of Tarth, Sansa Stark and Arya Stark were hatched from the fossilized shells of the broken bodies and souls the male characters had made of them. They rose from their own ashes, time and time again, made themselves stronger with every blow men would throw their way. We watched them grow, evolve, fear, feel, fail and win for years, watched them become more than what their society wanted them to be, more than what they were allowed to be. They became rule-breakers, game changers, rulers and warriors. But that was until the show had decided that the end was coming and everything ought to be put back into order. The patriarchal one, that is.

It is my belief that everything changed the moment when Daenerys Targaryen, undoubtedly the most empowered and powerful woman on this show, decided to sail for Westeros with her fleet, three female allies (Yara Greyjoy, Ellaria Sand, Olenna Tyrell), the three dragons she had given birth to and the ‘largest army the world had ever seen’. Imagine the audacity of a woman accomplishing all of that. So, it is on this character that I will put my focus on, I’m also super fucking biased, but whatever, I would gladly do an entire essay on how they’re ruining every female character in this show. Anyway, back to Dany T. main female protagonist, the woman with the most amount of screen time (behind the two male protagonists Jon and Tyrion).

Let’s talk about the audience’s opinion of Daenerys. Truth be told, Daenerys’ influence and might as a character has already greatly surpassed the show’s realm, and that for a very long time. Even in the first seasons where she didn’t actually get that much screen time, she made a mark. And she has grown increasingly more so over the years. She has become an icon of pop culture to the point where people who are unfamiliar with the show recognize her. Now, this might have in part been facilitated by her peculiar looks and strange-sounding name, but Daenerys Targaryen is known worldwide for having power. She is primarily known for one thing: she has dragons. She’s the Dragon Queen, the Mother of Dragons. And those dragons are the physical representation of her inner strength. The only reason she has those dragons is because she walked into her husband’s funeral pyre and hatched them from stone like she hatched herself out of the stony shell of a weary, fearful teenage girl the world had forced her into being. And out of that pyre came out dragons and a woman with so much might the world watched in awe. Some people may call her Khaleesi, an unusual title which has stuck into people’s minds to the point where non-watchers recognize the title as her name. She is the most recognizable character in the show to the point where her hair colour has been a trend that has become every hair stylist’s worst nightmare, where people have named their children and pets after her and her title. She is also noticeably the show’s best marketing strategy, she is the one with the most personally dedicated amount of merchandising, and is relentlessly used by HBO’s marketing team to promote the show. But I digress. Sort of. The amount of power her character has both on and off-screen is indisputable and is probably what led us to the gigantic mess that has been season 8. She has too much power. Even away from the show’s narrative. She has had an impact on women. She has marked us, branded us with her might. And the show does not know how to handle this.

So, Daenerys, one of the most iconic female characters of this generation goes to Westeros. Unluckily for her, her arrival into Westeros also coincided into her arriving into the male protagonist’s territory. And that was the show’s last straw in deciding to let women have that much power. This is her fatal flaw, existing in the same realm as the male protagonist. The writers realized right then and there that they had greatly miscalculated. Because of how much power they had let Daenerys accumulate over the years she had spent far far away from the male protagonist’s character arc, she had become a threat to the sacred male character’s hero journey.  See, that’s the issue with having a strong female character that you let grow into her own power for 7 seasons, where she is free to go into conflict with men after men after men who all share the same unlucky traits: they are all both non-white and not the main male protagonist. So, Daenerys brings them all to their doom, they try to tackle her, try to diminish her, take her power away. They try, all of them, so many times. And they all inevitably fail. Because she is powerful. And men and women alike bow to her when they realize her might and her power. She is a goddess incarnate, dragons or not. She is so powerful fire dares not harm her. She is unique, mystical, mythical and strong. And not only is she powerful and strong, she is beloved by her people, her own soldiers follow her not out of fear but out of complete devotion, because she frees them, gives them the freedom she had wished someone would give her and finally realized she had to give to herself. She is a woman. She is their mother. She has power. She frees people, loves them, inspires them and has so much power the world shakes beneath her feet and fire fears her wrath.

And then comes season 7, along with Jon Snow, D&D, and Tyrion’s shitty battle plans. Whatever, it’s all one and the same. It’s all there to take her out piece by piece. That’s it, that’s been the show for two seasons now and I wish I had realized it earlier. I mean, I had my moments of realization here and there, but damn was I severely unprepared.

In Season 7 episode 2, Daenerys has a council made up of 4 women (Olenna, Ellaria, Yara, Missandei) and 3 men (Varys, Tyrion, Theon – and I’m only including Theon out of pity). By episode 3, Daenerys has 1 woman – Missandei, who unlike the other women does not advise her on military tactics – left in her council, and just as many men. Hell, by episode 5, she has gained three more men who ‘advise’, or more accurately question her every move. Jorah (I mean not you bby, come back to us), Jon and Davos, who is more of a comic relief personal pep-talker than anything else. But Varys and Tyrion’s advice grows like ivy and tries to strangle Daenerys from every angle. They try to control her more and more with every episode.

How the hell did I not notice right there and then where this was going? I don’t know, call me blinded by love.

How the hell did Daenerys end up with so few women left in her council? Men happened. The writers, the characters, all of them. That is literally the first thing they did to her storyline in season 7. It went something like this:

1) Get Daenerys to Dragonstone.

2) Get Ellaria and Yara out and destroy some of those ships, she has too many ships, that’s bad, can’t have her be too powerful.

3) Get Olenna out, but like, not at the exact same time because that would be too conspicuous, let’s wait another episode or two. Oh, and take out some of those Unsullied soldiers and even more of her fleet.

4) After one fucking badass battle let’s kill two random traitor assholes who have sided with the queen who murdered their former queen and daughter of their liege lord, their liege lord, their liege lord’s son and a good chunk of King’s Landing’s population on the field of battle who have refused her generous offer to get their titles and lands back if they just join her against the murderous queen. And also that one offer of going to the wall to protect the realm. They refuse. She kills them. Tough luck, bitch. Bad choice, should have probably offered them a cup of tea and a warm blanket instead as they went back to King’s Landing to fight you and kill your army at their nearest convenience. You fucked up because idk, Dickon was kinda hot I guess. Yeah and also they have names and one relative people know on the show, so that’s bad for you. Randyll and Dickon Tarly. You don’t know it yet, but this one is gonna be bad for you because you are now evil and your hand and his shitty bff are now saying you are mad. Maybe you should have been, maybe you should have killed them both too. If only. Sigh.

5) Have her lose a dragon. Give it to the Night King instead, she is too powerful.

6) Have her fall in love with the man who would bring her doom. Have her save his life. Have her think that maybe she deserves something good as she grieves her child’s death. They decide he’s the one who is going to kill her. Because having her become mad isn’t bad enough. She has to be killed by the one man she has let herself love not out of obligation but out of mutual admiration.

7) Make her promise to help defeat the Night King and go North to fight him.

Now, they take all that away from her. But they give her a love story with Jon Snow in return. And you think, alright, at least she’s not alone in this world.

And then we move on to season 8. The ultimate acceleration of events because they realized that they needed to wrap this shit up and that people didn’t hate her enough. So, Season 8 is where you learn that the plot twist to end them all was that Jon Snow was going to be the one who destroyed everything Daenerys has and is and will be the death of her. Groundbreaking work there. I wonder if GRRM has the same ending planned. So here’s the plan in Season 8:

1) Get Daenerys to WinterHell. Everyone is behaving like assholes. Bran is a cold little bitch who’s like “remember your dragon? Your dead dragon? He’s back and now he wants us all dead yayyy” and she has like zero seconds to process it because ‘we don’t have time for all this’. But you know what we have time for? Sansa hating her. The xenophobic MAGAs hating her. That’s valuable screentime. Sansa hates her for daring to bring her SoLdIeRs to her HoUsE and her DrAgOnS who she can’t believe are there to fight. Sansa brings up food issues when she knows the wall has been breached and the Night King is bound to arrive very shortly. She knows Daenerys isn’t going to stay here very long. Doesn’t matter. She (the writers) wants to be angry and petty and so she is. Because we couldn’t possibly have women collaborating on this show. Not after last season! Notice how they left out every single woman in Dany’s circle? Cause who would want THAT. Am I right MEN? I hope the meninists are having a good time.

2) Jon doesn’t comfort her much, doesn’t defend her much. He’s there. Like, he’s a physical man who barely says anything and is there. His purpose is to be… There, I guess. Good for him. He has everyone’s support anyway. He’s a man and he’s there. That’s all they ask of him. He’s not formally the King but he is the King anyway. He has the power. He makes the decisions. He’s a man.

3) Daenerys gives Jon access to her dragon. The one she gave metaphorical birth to. The one she walked into a pyre for. He has it. He has access to her power.

4) Jon now knows who he is. The man who tells him is that one relative of the family that Daenerys killed last season. He hates her. He tells Jon to take her throne, that it’s his anyway because he’s a man. He says that Daenerys is evil and should bend the knee to him. Jon then ignores Daenerys for at least an entire day while she has to face the man who killed her father, made her a homeless orphan on the run who lived on the streets, in fear, running away from assassins. She is angry but listens to a woman’s tale about him, asks for Jon’s opinion on the matter. She lets him have the decision.

5) The Night King comes. Daenerys’ armies are first in line and defend WinterHell with everything they have. Daenerys herself is first in line. Jon Snow wants to wait around. Daenerys has a sudden jolt of independence run through her spine, claims back her own authority and climbs on her dragon, burns as many wights as she can. Jon Snow follows her mechanically, like a lost puppy, gets attacked by the Night King and Viserion. This injures Rhaegal. Daenerys knocks evil Mr. Freeze down from HER precious bby boy and tries to burn him. It doesn’t work. She saves Jon’s life a second time in the process. And then a third, risking her and her dragon’s life for him. She ends up on the ground, with her oldest friend with a sword made of dragonglass and fights for her life. Her oldest friend dies in her arms.

6) And so it goes down from here.

This is the moment you’d think SOMEONE somewhere would show the tiniest fucking bit of sympathy, of gratitude. And they don’t.

What we got instead in Episode 4 was Daenerys being alone as Jon was being praised for her accomplishments. Jon falls upward as Daenerys faces consequences for her actions, good or bad, it doesn’t matter. Daenerys faces consequences because the show wants her to. She is alone. She begs Jon not to tell anyone about his ‘rightful claim’. He betrays her and tells his family. She has warned him Sansa can’t be trusted. Turns out Sansa can’t be trusted. And on it goes as Sansa, Tyrion and Varys plot behind her back to make sure that Jon falls upward for the uptenth time, Varys even going as far as to suggest killing her. His reason is that she is a woman and he can’t control her. That is Daenerys’ biggest crime on this show. And it won’t let her live it down. Hell, they’ll kill her for it. There is talk of a wedding between Jon and Daenerys. Somehow this is a bad idea because she is too strong and cannot be controlled.

She is too strong. Too much. Too powerful. That is Daenerys’ problem. She is too much and too much of a she. She is a dragon they cannot tame.

7) And just because she hasn’t had enough already they kill another one of her dragons for shock value, out of nowhere, with no purpose whatsoever but to show that they could. That she would be ‘mad’. That this somehow was the point of her character. It feels gross and unjustified.

8) And then, because why the fuck not at this point, fam, they go and execute Missandei. It has no purpose other than to show us that they put a former slave back into chains to kill her, to make Daenerys and Greyworm angry. That is what her life is worth. Her value will be the sum of two other character’s madness level.

And the countdown accelerates.

Let’s go back to when everything changed for Daenerys Targaryen. Let’s go back to Season 7, Episode 3. The moment where Daenerys Targaryen met with Jon Snow, hero extraordinaire, broody, rugged, manly and characteristically lacking of ambition. Jon Snow is a Bildungsroman’s wetdream of a protagonist. A poor little bastard boy hated and mistreated by his (semi-evil) stepmother who somehow rises to great heights despite everything adversity has thrown his way and who somehow ends up being the Chosen One to lead them all out of the darkness and to fight evil. Like Harry Potter, Frodo Baggins, King Arthur and countless other Christ-like figures before him, Jon Snow is good. That’s it, that’s all there is. That’s all you need to know about him, that’s all the story wants you to know about him. He is good. Sure he makes mistakes, but he’s good. He’s killed a child but he had his reasons, he killed a man begging for his life, but he had disobeyed him. He is good. And to top it all off, the lucky bastard just might happen to be a man. He is therefore the Chosen One. He is thus because he is He.

In Season 7, Episode 2 when Melisandre introduced to the audience the show’s own version of an Arthurian prophecy – Azor Ahai or: ‘the prince that was promised will bring the dawn’ – the show had its last inkling of an ability to pretend that they could somehow have a woman be a hero. Daenerys’ only female adviser and personal translator Missandei of Naath (a former slave they had captured and chained last episode just to kill her, in case you’d ever think the only woman of color in this show could die as a free woman) pointed out that that the High Valyrian word for ‘prince’ is genderless and that it could mean that Daenerys might also fit that prophecy. They also introduced the idea that BOTH Daenerys and Jon would play a role in this. I was fine with this. I thought all of their parallels from previous seasons meant that their fates were linked and that they would be two sides of the same coin.

If only the show had stopped right there. If only they hadn’t even tried to bring that up when they didn’t need to, when they didn’t even need to pretend to care. I’m wondering what the purpose of this line was. What was the meaning? A red herring? A last sliver of hope? Their last attempt at trying to pretend women mattered as more than canon fodder to further narratives, as more than bodies to be used and killed for entertainment’s purposes? It doesn’t matter. The very next episode sent off the ticking time bomb on Daenerys’ life.

In Season 7 Episode 3, Daenerys Targaryen met Jon Snow. The writers called it “A meeting of Ice and Fire” continuing on their claim that this is what the entire show had been leading up to, that even in Season 1, GRRM had told them that this was important, that the story was about these two characters coming together. I was pumped. I was rejoicing. The whole meaning of the show was right in front of me. And here’s how it happened: they made Daenerys look smug and entitled, having Jon Snow look humble and measured in comparison and when I watched it, I was taken aback, I didn’t understand what they were doing. I remember thinking that the way they were framing it looked weird because she was just as much of a protagonist as he was. I had been stupid enough to think the show could have a female protagonist when they already had a male protagonist.

The show wanted you to side with Jon Snow. The show wanted to make it clear that if you had to choose between Daenerys Targaryen and Jon Snow, you would choose Jon Snow. Humble, measured, naïve, male Jon Snow.

The ‘General Audience’ caught onto that. The moment Daenerys’ set her eyes on Jon Snow, she had lost. You should go and have a look on the comments of the Youtube videos of their first meeting. On that day, Daenerys was the villain. She lost that day, because she was in the man’s way. Because she spoke to him and didn’t bow. Because she stood there, fire and might, and didn’t let him take everything from her right on the spot. He was asking her to lay her entire life’s goals aside to help him with nothing in return. She was painted as arrogant for not bending to him and his will on the spot.

If only things had stayed that way. If only she’d stayed ‘arrogant’ and hadn’t let him close. Would she still become ‘mad’? Would she still lose it all anyway to make sure he would get it all in the end? Probably. Because why not? Why would the show give the most powerful woman any other outcome?

I guess the moral of this story is that women are only allowed to have power as long as it doesn’t interfere with a man’s ability to have more power than they do. And isn’t that what Varys has been telling us in the latest episode? That Daenerys and Jon would never be able to rule together because she was too strong for him and would bend him to her will? Because what could be worse than a strong woman having power? A strong woman potentially having power over a man. And so the ticking clock went off on Daenerys’ life. Her time has run out, because the show needs to have the male hero to win over everything, and if he can’t because a woman is in the way of the inherent inevitable male-centric greatness he will stumble and fall into reaching... Well then, it’s the woman’s fault and she angry and mad. So Daenerys will be mad and angry and hysterical and evil and he will kill her. Take that, woman she show tells you. Take that and die. We don’t need you when we have a male protagonist.

In a way, this show will end quite like the fairy tales warned us it would. The white knight, the Chosen One, the Prince that was promised, in his shining armour of goodness will swoop in and kill the evil dragon(Queen) to save the realm. And if this is a fairy tale then the dragon had it coming for daring to stand in the hero’s way. Perhaps the dragon ought to have apologized and stepped aside, perhaps the dragon ought to have known its place. Perhaps the fairy tale’s magic kingdom should have stopped the dragon’s rise before. And they did try. All of those men are knights, even the worst slavers of them all. Knights because they fought the dragon. They died trying to take her down. Perhaps they were right, then to try and defeat her. Perhaps it is sad, after all that the dragon took those poor men down. But it’s alright, the male protagonist will win. Because that’s what he does.

But if this is winning then why does it feel like rage and fire?

Because somehow the dragon is every woman. “You are a dragon” is what this show is telling me, as if that was a bad thing. “You are a dragon. You are too much. You ask too much. We will not bow to you, begone, be slain, you are in the man’s way. You are a hiccup in his rise to greatness. You will be killed prophetically and be swept aside and the hero, the man – the words somehow become synonymous – will inevitably win. And down you will go, defeated and broken. You and your might. You and your will. You and your power. Bow to us, woman, to our will, wishes, words and actions. Bow to us.”

The show wants me and you to know that. The show wants you to see what happens to women who stand in the way of men’s ascension to power, who are too powerful, who are too much for the story to handle. You are a dragon and you will die.

But dragons are fire made flesh risen from the ashes and dragons do not go down without a fight.

In a show that wants women to gaze adoringly at the male protagonists, women like Daenerys Targaryen have no place. They have no place because the show cannot fathom how someone could take her seriously, could value her efforts and her strengths when men are… There. That’s all they need to be.

And from that same patriarchal cesspool of a show/fictional society was also born Cersei Lannister, evil queen incarnate. She was the protagonists’ – male and female –  foil, their enemy, and she still is somehow, but she is also apparently doomed to be the female protagonist’s future. Cersei is evil because she has power. Cersei is bad because she is a madwoman. Cersei is all of your fairy tale’s evil spinsters. Cersei is in the way of a man’s greatness. And Cersei is Daenerys’ future as much as she is Sansa’s, or mine or yours. Bow down, women. Or be villains.

And so, in Season 8 Episode 4, as they tried to tear down at the last piece’s of the main female protagonist’s might they ignited the enraged fire that women try to swallow back down with every breath, for fear of being slain for having shown too much power and might. And the audience has never loved Daenerys more than it does now. The audience has done the unexpected. People who hated her now want her to burn the world down. People who already loved her have never wanted her to use her might as much as they do now.

“Dracarys” was Missandei’s last word. The show didn’t seem to realize it was a call to arms. “Women everywhere, join her and burn it down” seems to be the meaning the audience got from Missandei. I wholeheartedly agree with that sentiment.

The show wants me to think that ‘Dracarys’ was meant to take down the Cerseis of the world. It didn’t realize it made me want to take it down.

Maybe the show is right, maybe I, too, am a dragon ready to be slain. But if that’s the case I’m not going down without burning everything to the ground. Try and take me down, assholes.

[normal-thoughts-official]

At what exact moment do you think malec fall in love?that moment in 1×06 when Magnus uses Alec's strength and then falls down exhausted? It's such an underrated moment but one can write a whole essay on it

as a matter of fact, yes, i do believe it was the moment in 1.06 (there is a reason it is my header, after all) and im really glad u asked because its one of my favorite moments and Ive been thinking of making a post about it in forever but never got to it so [cracks knuckles]

well, actually, i think 1.06 was the moment magnus fell in love. i dont know when alec fell in love, to be honest - i think with him, it was just something that kind of settled and clicked into place, you know? there was that attraction and there was the fact that magnus was an amazing person who had amazing chemistry with alec and who fought for him and extended his hand and tried to comfort him without judgement when no one would really allow him to be himself - and who gave him a space to be more of him than any other. but i dont think there was a precise moment when it hit Alec, and suddenly he had fallen; i think he realised he loved magnus when he said he loved him, but at that point it was already cemented. alec is a steady, careful guy; when he falls, he falls hard and becomes an absolute imbecile but until then it kind of settles in slowly, lodges itself inside of him until its carefully in place, and he doesnt really know when it happened. honestly, i relate to that because that's how it works for me, too.

but with Magnus, it was a little different - he had closed himself off from love for centuries, and while obviously he only fell in love with alec because he was already on the pathway to recover and had been for a while now, sure and steady (alec is definitely the right person for him, but he also came at the right time, cuz if he hadnt Magnus wouldnt really be able to allow himself to give in to the obvious pull they had), breaking that kind of wall is hard and is, for many people, something that happens suddenly, all at once, like the crash of a tsunami wave; it kind of isnt there until it suddenly is, flooding out and filling you. and with magnus that's definitely what happened; he had a click moment, when suddenly his walls were down and he found himself feeling, despite himself

you can see a clear difference in how magnus treats alec in 1.04-05 and how he does in 1.06. in 1.04-05 hes flirty, yes, obviously interested, but hes doing it teasingly, playfully, confident in a way that is only possible when theres not much on the line. don't get me wrong, i dont think he was using alec or lying to him - that's not the kind of person Magnus is at all - i just think that it was harmless flirting and interest with not much at stake. he was keeping his kind of playboy, devil-may-care persona (with the exception of the moment when he told alec there was nothing to be ashamed of, because of course magnus "compulsive emotional support" bane would immediately drop the act when he sees someone struggle. ugh. and alec notices this, too, all right, he can see right through to the person magnus really is in that moment, even if he closes himself off). and that wasnt even just in front of Alec; the whole "playing hard to get, i love a challenge" thing was after alec had hung up, there was no one there, he was just talking to himself the dumb dork and it is clear there is not much at stake for him here; he isnt in love, so theres no chance of heartbreak

compare that to the way he acted during drinks with Alec in 1.06. its a completely different person. even in his posture, the way he looks at Alec and moves around him, his facial expressions, theres a softness and vulnerability that just wasnt there at any point before (did yall thank Harry Shum Jr for ur rights today? seriously the man is such a great actor his talent is unbelievable). and for magnus to allow himself to be vulnerable- well, that's big. that's what he was scared of, after all. that's what has brought him hurt and made him swear off romantic relationships for so long

and he says this; he opens up to alec, a person he barely knows, tells him a little about his past, tells Alec hes unlocked something in him. it's not harmless flirting anymore, its not just a mere pursuit of someone hes casually interested in; theres something way, way deeper going on, and this is abundantly clear throughout the whole scene and every single one of magnus' actions. magnus has fallen. this is serious now; hes feeling things he didnt even remember how to, and his entire demeanor changes.

and look, that's really important to me, okay, because i hate the whole love at first sight thing. so when i started watching sh, i was kind of turned off from malec because i was like "oh theyre gonna suddenly fall in love for no reason" but no. that's not what happened. they had attraction, and chemistry, yes, for sure, definitely, but the feelings that sparked inside of them were very much real and solid and built organically, even if quickly. malec is so powerful because their attraction and devotion to each other makes sense, and because their relationship is so trusting, happy, fun, and healthy.

so lets go to 1.06 - the defining moment, the big game changer for the both of them. i know the exact milisecond magnus falls in love - its this one

(gif isnt mine, i had it saved on my phone and dont remember who made it; if you do, please let me know so i can credit them)

bitch, you are seeing it happen!!! you're watching it, right now!! the way he looks up and his whole face changes; he goes from heavy breaths to these little puffs of air, looks up at alec in awe, and it's all over his face, the softness in his features, the open vulnerability hes showing for the very first time in the entire show - even when he was almost running out of magic, he still looked way more put together than he does in this moment; in here he is open, he has no masks, and hes absolutely soft and open and vulnerable. and you can see it dawn on him too, the realisation that he let alec in, just late enough for it to be too late. it's done. god, i cant fucking believe harry shum jr invented acting. like holy shit, dude

and alec sees it too; in this moment he looks down and he sees the vulnerability in magnus' face and he knows this is the real magnus; that's what he looks like without all the walls and masks, and it's just- beautiful. incredible. you can see the love and the softness inside of him and it's just so easy to find a home in those eyes of his, and ugh, i might be changing my mind, this was the moment alec fell in love too

but anygays, why now, right? what was the big gamechanger in this scene?

well, first of all, id like to stress again, just for good measure, that magnus was already well on his path to recovery from abuse and beginning to open up again; his journey through finding self love and strength to stand on his own feet and be able to open himself for others is his and his alone. alec could be his perfect match (and he is) (fuck it i dont care they are perfect for each other, i never really thought there was such a thing even in fictional couples but shit dude they really are as perfect as it gets, malec truly invented love its unbelievable) and it still wouldnt matter if magnus wasnt ready not only to open up, but to get in a relationship as his own person, and not putting himself down like with camille. of course, he still has a long way to go, and recovery is not a straight line, so he still does things like not tell him when hes hurt and downplay his own pain so as not to "annoy" him or whatever, but he is on equal ground. the very first thing that happens when they finally get together (after the whole wedding ordeal) is, they fight. because alec was being an asshole and treated magnus badly and was really rude and magnus was hurt and he was tired of always being the one to chase after Alec, and he told him that. that's extremely important, because it establishes that Magnus isnt just running after Alec or doing anything for him - he wants a mutually fulfilling relationship and hes willing to fight for it, demand it, not accept less than it. and that's fucking recovery right here, folks. it's so hard for previously abused people to do that. so hard. it still is hard for him, but hes doing it. so, again: Magnus' journey to opening up and finding space for a healthy relationship in his life is his and his alone. and they were lucky as shit to have met when they did.

so, with that being said: 1.06 (god, this answer is such a mess, im ndjdjdidicn). you can see magnus fall in love, right then and there. the moment it happens: when he falls, and realises Alec is still holding him, making sure hes steady. not just that, but holding his hand (despite that being totally unnecessary now), and asking him if he's okay.

it's really unsubtle symbolism (and i mean that in the best possible way): Alec holding him when he fell symbolizes support; holding his hand symbolizes caring, because he could just hold him as to not let him fall, but the fact that hes holding his hand shows that hes trying to support him not just physically, but emotionally; and asking if hes okay shows genuine worry and desire to listen to his needs. again, really unsubtle; but fuck it, that's also part of what makes it powerful, because when was the last time magnus had that, that open caring and supporting and reaching out for him? i mean, obviously Magnus has his friends who are amazing and great to him, but this feeling, of being cared for, so easily, so openly, so obviously, from someone who barely knows him, hell, from a shadowhunter - this is new. both because he hasnt really allowed it - after all, you need to fall for someone to catch you - and because he just. hasnt had that. every time before, when he showed vulnerability, he had his wounds open wide and used against him - with asmodeus after his mom, with Camille after whatever happened that made him consider suicide. and then suddenly this guy shows up, and Magnus didnt even mean to be vulnerable in front of him, not really, he was supposed to hold it, but he does and what he finds is just- caring. worrying. sweetness. a grounding presence and touch. alec is completely focused on him, and isnt rushing him to get back on his feet or anything - hes just holding him and being there for him. he wasnt even looking for it, and suddenly there it is - that trust and reciprocity hed been craving for so long.

and yeah, its unsubtle, but that's also there in more subtle ways; magnus asks for his help, and alec comes without questioning, even if he's mad with pretty much everyone involved. he asks Alec to give him his strength, and he does, openly, without walls - dude, that is so intimate, and you can see how easily the magic flows between them; that's something that can only happen so smoothly if the required trust is given without a second thought. alec is giving his life force to this guy, whom he barely knows, and he doesnt hold back at all - Magnus needs it, he gives it. easy, simple. trusting. an open, clear connection. hes worried about Magnus from the start; he gets in and his first reaction is yelling for magnus and kneeling beside him to make sure hes okay. hes already kind of holding magnus even before magnus falls; he puts himself in a position where hes kind of supporting magnus' weight, and just focuses on giving magnus what he needs. up to this point no one even bothered to ask magnus what he needs. and look, Alec isnt perfect, and he definitely still has his prejudices and ignorance at this point, but this is something special. having someone just give it their all to make sure ur okay, from the get-go, trusting you like that- that's not everyday. specially not for magnus. I think maybe Magnus wouldnt even have lowered his guard enough to have that stumble if Alec hadnt been so easily showing him hes in there together with him, as equals, without so much as a second thought- magnus' persona is polished. hes been through worse without stumbling both before and after. his guard was already down, because Alec had been showing himself to be trustworthy from the start.

and after that, it just keeps going. alec helps him clean up his apartment, without being asked, long after everyone else has already gone - he listens to Magnus talk about his past, attentively, without judgement. he even shows some vulnerability of his own - that fucked-stupid smile when magnus raised his hand to his lips, the glances he throws magnus' way, the way he even manages to talk a bit about his insecurities and confusion; hes opening himself up to Magnus, too. hes smitten. hes interested. the connection is established. he stays the night, and they end up talking all night long, despite the fact that Alec was called to work, and we dont even know about what. we know they are similarly competitive and have a good chemistry, so clearly this was a good, fun talk; but theres something running way deeper in there, too. magnus is showing alec a lot of himself, and alec is not only welcoming it, but reciprocating it as best as he can. that moment of spark isnt gone; it keeps growing, the bond that was formed gets stronger. at this point, Magnus has fallen (i firmly believe that he fell in that exact moment he looked up at Alec) but it gains shape and strength during that night and talk; its a little frustrating because Alec cant face what he wants, but the pull is real and strong enough for it to get stronger, the shapes clearer.

so- yeah. Magnus fell for Alec in 1.06, the moment he realised that he was willing to have his back, to see him as he was and welcome it and treat it with care; and to give him back in return. Magnus fell for Alec when he realised that, somehow, he had already formed the beginnings of a bond with him - the kind that's solid, that means trust and care and effort while also being easy, fun, nice. alec fell for magnus when he looked at him and saw someone that was also struggling with showing who he was, but who wasnt scared; someone who was kind, and good, and willing to listen to him and try to help him and who valued him. and that is so. fucking. important.

[allyvampirelass29]

Chapter 7: Game Changer

A HEROES Fanfiction   Angel Before the Fall Series By: Allyssa J. Watkins

”PLEASE!!!! DON'T!!!! Oh GOD, DON'T hurt him!! I'll show you how it works, take it, I'll do it, just....... NOOOOOOO!!!!"

Ally screamed out into the surrounding darkness, her panic shaking her awake, and she hugged herself, frightened and trembling. Where-? Her head felt heavy, like her prolonged slumber had been unnatural, like- like she'd been drugged..... WAIT!!! The tranquilizer!!! NOAH BENNET!!!!

"SYLAR!!!! SY, are you here!?!?"

Even her voice sounded heavy, it wouldn't carry, and she rested her forehead in her hand, disoriented. Where was here? Her breathing slowly leveled out as she realized the paralyzing horror she'd just witnessed, was only a hallucination, drug-induced, not real.

You wouldn't have to ask if I was here, Beautiful. Believe me, you'd know........

Her heart started to race, even though she knew it was the drugs talking. Sylar's voice drifted unaccompanied by its dark, gorgeous form through her mind. She could almost feel him, encircling her from the shadows  behind, hands on her shoulders, lips against her ear, hearts eclipsing, beating like clocks ticking, in perfect time.

She exhaled deeply, brushing the long dark hair from her eyes, feeling groggy, not quite all there, caught between the pulling threads of nightmare and dream, trying to make sense of her strange surroundings. It was all a void. Darkness. Silence. Nothingness. But...... no, hold on, there was a light, a flickering rectangle of light cast in the corner from an apparent hallway, vague shadowy forms dancing on the opposite wall.

It was then that she noticed the numbness in her right arm. Had she slept on it wrong? How long had she been asleep? No, wait..... that couldn't be it. She could only feel it in one spot. Her fingers flew to her forearm and she was shocked to find a bandage there. From the tranquilizer? No, that dart had landed on her- She quickly turned, crossing her arm over her body, feeling beneath the silky strap of her tank top, to find yet another bandage on her shoulder blade. WHAT did they do to me!?!? She thought frantic, suddenly scratching at her wrists. They began to itch terribly, both of them. It was relentless! She went to scratch again, horrified and confused. Oh NO!!! Two more bandages encircled each of her wrists, and a sickening revelation came to light. Experimentation. Noah, NO!!! She bit her lip, feeling worried. If Noah found out her secret, knew how to use her blood, he wouldn't need her anymore........ and he'd dispose of her without a second thought. Especially considering who she was now romantically entangled with.

"Hell yes, I want to get tangled up with you." She felt a wonderful shiver run down the length her spine, and sighed, happy. Sy's voice was the only thing keeping her from completely losing it, after Noah and Company had done GOD knows what to her. Why did it itch SO much!? She scratched furiously, too nervous to peek under the bandage, and her fingernail caught on something else. A bracelet? No, that can't be right, she wasn't wearing one. She felt along her wrist above the bandage. A strap, a thick woven strap, but why? Had she been tied to something? She struggled to lift herself off what appeared to be a cot, scurrying to the only corner of the room, (if it was a room) that had any visible light. Her eyes had begun to adjust to the darkness, but still nothing looked quite real. Was she dreaming again? She had to sit on the cold concrete, with her legs tucked under her, angling her wrist just right. Suddenly, the shadows on the wall raced away, dispelled at once, the glow in the hallway finally bright and stilled. Light glinted, reflecting off her wrist. She leaned closer, curls spilling over her shoulder. It was a watch. More chills. A broken watch. Her breath caught in her chest as she recognized each crack in the crystal, the all black face, the gleaming white numbers, the black nylon band, and a single name appearing ghost-like beneath the 12 and the hovering second hand........ SYLAR.

**********

"Man, it's like waiting for Christmas. If Christmas really sucked." Peter yawned, straightening his bullet proof vest, as he stood in the small foyer, of the PRIMATECH outpost.

"I hear that. I want it to happen already, and at the same time, not at all. Are we sure he's coming? What if we're way overestimating his affection for this girl?"

"Na, you should have seen the look on his face when I pulled her away from him. I only saw him for like a second, but he was foaming at the mouth livid, and something else...... something off. Something I'd never seen from him before. If it was anybody else, I'd say he looked heartbroken."

"Ha yeah, if that guy had a heart to break. Wow, he's got it bad for this one huh? He did totally freak when I put her screams in his head full blast."

"How many times are you gonna clean that thing?"

Parkman smiled, checking the chamber on his Glock. "Sorry, old habit. It used to keep me calm on overnight stake outs."

"Bet you never had one like this before."

Parkman chuckled, "Oh yeah, tons! Telekinetic magic man killers trying to burn the whole world to the ground, his index, the murder weapon. Just another Tuesday."

Peter smiled, but it faded just as quickly as it had come. He suddenly felt really strange, like every inch of his skin was prickly. He'd only felt like this once before....... Something wasn't right, and it was making him anxious, and extremely jittery. Sylar should have been here by now.

"Hey Matt. Did you check the perimeter in the last hour?"

"Yeah, all clear. Why?"

"I don't know...... I don't feel right, I feel off, like something's wrong, and I can't- I can't stay still."

"Whoah, relax, Peter. Something IS wrong. We're waiting for Killer Finger like it's his surprise party. Ha I guess in some ways it is. God, he's going to be so pissed, in for one HELL of a surprise. You really should have a gun in your hand Peter. Believe me, it helps."

Peter started to pace back and forth, raking both of his hands through his messy jet black hair. "No, no, we gotta go. We've got to check it again, where's Noah? How do we know Sylar's not already here, waiting.......?"

"C'mon Peter, there's like five snipers on the roof, surveillance cameras freaking everywhere, motion detectors, armed guards at every entrance, hell, a rigged up tear gas bomb out back. No WAY is he getting in without us knowing. Noah went to the lab, he's with Mohinder. Chill out, okay? You need another drink."

"I'm gonna sweep the perimeter again, stay here. I gotta move, my skin's like crawling."

Parkman handed Peter the radio, and he pressed the side button, raising it to his lips. "Hey Noah, it's me, I'm going to give the outside another once over. I-"

Peter flinched as he heard the sound of glass shattering, quickly followed by the poised click of a gun, over the radio, and something huge being knocked over with an awful CRASH, Mohinder yelling in the background.

"NOAH!!! MOHINDER!!!! What the HELL was that!?!?" Peter yelled, his hand clenched on the radio his knuckles turning white.

Peter and Parkman were both startled by the sharp, screaming sound of the emergency siren, piercing through the silence, red lights flashing frantic across both of their faces, and before either of them could make a move, the steel storm door in front of them retracted, sealing itself shut.

**********

"It's really quite extraordinary. At first every solitary test I ran, came back negative for abnormalities in the blood. Cell count, normal. Bone marrow, normal. Not even one trace to suggest Miss Watkins has abilities of any kind. And then...... sure enough, in a blink of an eye the sample beneath my microscope would vanish as if it had never existed at all. Like a magic trick, and a most ingenious one, at that.

"Something tells me you didn't call me all the way down here for another dead end." Noah said with a crooked smile.

"Indeed no. You see, cells respond to different light in different ways. Sunlight, infrared light, florescent light, even firelight, and were Allyssa to have her ability in a microbiological capacity, the right light could be just the agent to unveil such deception. I dabbled, played around a bit, took more and more blood, and made quite the astounding discovery."

Noah followed a gleeful Mohinder to the table, and Mohinder put a slide with Ally's blood under the microscope. "If you wouldn't mind, Noah, could you switch off the lights? For this demonstration, I will need complete darkness."

Noah nodded, "Yeah, sure thing, but make it quick. We have an unwelcome guest on his way, and remember I'm not a genius, so keep it junior college level at least, and save the impressive Harvard words for later?"

Mohinder chuckled, "Fair enough. For the record, my vocabulary was already advanced, far before I attended Harvard Medical School."

"I don't doubt that. They probably didn't even deserve you," Noah smiled, walked over, flipped the switch, and the entire PRIMATECH laboratory went instantly dark. Mohinder clicked on a glowing black light wand, holding it over the sample, and Noah leaned in, curious, anxious, eyes focused. So much was riding on this. One girl's secret could save the world.

"Nothing's happening, Mohinder. Except, of course, your shirt glowing. Is that part of the presentation?"

Mohinder looked down at his iridescent white dress shirt and smiled. "No, merely an entertaining side effect. Patience, Noah. Nothing is happening........ yet. Fascinating isn't it? The black light or UVA light on its own isn't strong enough to coax the clandestine cells to the surface. To stop the refraction and thus end the illusion, we must create a disturbance."

Mohinder began clicking the black light repeatedly on and off, until it flashed, frenzied like a strobe.

"Don't give me a seizure, I mean it."

Noah leaned a little closer and in the beats between flashes, to his unsuspecting amazement, Ally's cells began to move, the blood shimmering, looking purple in the black light.

"Well I'll be damned. You- You did it, Suresh!" Noah looked at the both literally and figuratively glowing doctor over the top of his glasses, his own smile widening.

As the blood shimmered with the smooth movement beneath the surface, there somehow appeared to be double sets of cells, vibrating at the same time, and then, in the next flash. The first set, the mirage set vanished, and only the second set, the real set remained.

"May I present, Miss Watkins' actual cells."

"My God. That's remarkable! I don't know how you figured out this one, but it's the game changer we've been hoping for. Do you realize the possibilities, the things we could do with this blood!? The applications are......."

"Infinite." Suresh finished with gleaming brown eyes, and an enthused grin. "Were we to present these findings to the world, you'd be looking at the next Nobel Prize Winner."

Noah arched an eyebrow, in a reprimanding, paternal way. "You do know we can't do that, right?"

Mohinder chuckled with a nod. "Of course, I am well aware of the detrimental ramifications. The world isn't ready for her, for us, for any of it. But the revelation itself is enough to rejuvenate my long stagnant mind, and make me feel like a great scientist again. Knowing all of the Specials we're going to save, slip right under Nathan's nose, in the guise of complete normality. That, My Friend, is worth more to me than all of the Nobel prizes, medical journal publishings, and magazine covers in the WORLD."

Noah clapped Mohinder on the back, grinning again like a proud father, and for the first time in a long time he felt real, tangible hope. Ally's blood, and Sylar's death were going to give them an advantage they never dreamed. "You ARE a Great Scientist, Mohinder. A prize winner if there ever was one. You'll get your magazine cover one day, I promise."

Mohinder and Noah's excited smiles instantly vanished, along with the dark blood on the glass slide.

"Damn. Now if I can only neutralize this unfortunate disappearing act long enough to use it, we can begin trials."

"You'll get there. I've known this girl for eight years, and you've accomplished more with her blood in one day than I ever could. Her secrets aren't safe anymore."

"She is a woman of mystery. Even science itself fails to rationalize the inclinations of the heart. Perhaps her cellular structure will enlighten us as to her peculiar attraction to Serial Killers. Oh! Which reminds me about your other request....... I took x-rays, scraped skin samples from her palms and tested them to excess."

"And-?"

"And...... unfortunately, you are mistaken, Noah. She doesn't have any tactile manipulation susceptibility present in her skin, not a trace. Besides the conducting tissue, and influx of electrical current in her blood stream needed to use her forcefield ability, her hands are entirely normal. My Diagnosis? Contrary to previous theories, Sylar Gray does in fact, have a heart, vulnerable to the violent affection of love.

"Damn it. That's what I was afraid of."

""Hey Noah, it's me, I'm going to give the outside another once over I-"

Peter's voice crackled over the radio, interrupted by glass shattering as it hit the concrete floor, and Noah pulled his gun, expertly cocking the hammer, training it on the far corner of the lab, in one swift motion. There was a loud groan, Mohinder's panicked voice yelling, and Noah took off running full speed at him, as he saw the shadow of the giant refrigerator start to fall forward towards him. "MOHINDERRRR!!!!!" NOAH yelled as he slammed into him hard, knocking him out of the way just in time, as the refrigerator landed with a horrible thud.

"NOAH!!! MOHINDER!!!! What the HELL was that!?!?"

Horrified, Mohinder raced toward the felled refrigerator, like a mother after her injured child, completely devastated. "NO, NO, DAMN IT NO!!!! MONTHS of critical research, revelational discoveries, rare bloodwork, destroyed!!!!"

"You're ALIVE, Mohinder! That's what matters!! Keep moving!!!"

"Noah, PLEASE! Help me!" Mohinder frantically rushed to flip the giant refrigerator over. "We MUST salvage what we can!!!"

"Damn it, Mohinder, THAT was SYLAR!!!! We've got to go after him!!!!" Noah yelled, exasperated.

"Noah, you don't understand!!! We NEED this research." Mohinder looked at him desperately, and Noah sighed, holstering his gun, rushing over, leaning down, and curling his fingers under the refrigerator. Just as the two of them flipped it over, the emergency siren flooded the room with its awful screaming sound, red lights flashing violently.

"This - This isn't right. No, it can't be."

"It's empty. You sure this was the right fridge?"

"Positive. He took it all, Noah..... every vial...... including........ Mohinder looked at Noah horrified, not wanting to say it out loud.

"Including what!? What the HELL was in here!?!?"

"A highly aggressive anti-regenerative serum."

"Meaning?"

"A solution that metabolizes in the blood, and slows any enhanced rapid healing process. Noah....... I don't think he intends to use it on himself."

Suddenly the sirens went dead, and a girl's terrorized screams blasted through the intercoms. Noah ran like hell through the darkness, out into the hall, his heart shattering like all the glass scattered on the floor, tears in his eyes, raising his pistol. It was the one sound that he'd fought, prayed, so hard he'd never have to hear. The reason he did what he did, so he'd never have to know this abject nightmare...... his little girl screaming for her life.

"Hello Boys. Now it's a party, huh? So nice of you to wait up for me. Claire, shhh, Daddy can't understand you when you're screaming hysterically. You took something of mine, Noah. Now, I'm going to take something of yours........"

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

[andimackfaneditsss]

Mama Earp Could Be After Waverly

So after 3x03 and the promo for 3x04 there’s a lot to unpack, my theories about Mama Earp and Waverly in particular have quadrupled.

Let’s go back to that clip of Waverly — with powers?

Firstly, our baby has powers!

Secondly, how? It’s been an ongoing theory across some parts of the fandom that she could be an angel. I’ve speculated she’s either angel or demon. But after “Colder Weather” I’m not so sure she could be anything but an angel or somewhere between. A demon-angel hybrid?

I made a post before about all the times Waverly has been called or regarded as an angel so for brevity’s sake: she’s been called or regarded as angel quite a lot across both seasons, season 3 is no exception.

Recently we’ve learned more about the new addition to the show this season, Kate, and all about her love of tarot cards. Waverly has two readings she never asks for. Her first reading is when she’s dealt the upside-down angel card. Try as I might, I couldn’t find the proper meaning for that specific card or what it means when upside-down. However, if memory serves me right, I believe Kate tells us its meaning in the same episode. Meanings aside the word “angel” here stands out. As for Waverly’s second reading, Kate pulls a card the audience doesn’t get to see and says “She’s sure something.”

It’s still possible Waverly could be a demon but at this point, with the amount of times “angel” has cropped up in regard to Waverly, making her a sweet demon would be almost predictable and cliche. Some could argue her being a full on angel could also be predictable and cliche. True. I’m sure we’ve all imagined Waverly as literally every supernatural creature we can think of so anything will probably be predictable. But them saying “angel” whenever on the subject of Waverly would make her being a demon with a heart of gold safe-predictable. Anything predictably safe, in my opinion, is something “introduced” that has always been there and so the plot and overall narrative — the universe a story has created — doesn’t need to change or grow or expand. Wynonna has only ever seen/fought demons and Waverly just being another one isn’t so much a shock but also doesn’t explore more of what’s out there. It’s safe. It stays directly in the realm of Purgatory and what we’ve come to know about it: only demons live and die there. But angels coming onto the scene would completely shift everything. It could open up so many doors for plot and narrative, chart more on this map of what’s possible and impossible. Angels and demons usually always coexist in a lot of fiction so it can be seen as predictable. But because the World of Wynonna has only shown having demons, angels hopping off the bus would be new territory.

The theory I’ve come up with and have been entertaining for awhile is: what if Waverly is an impure angel? Sort of like Lucifer and his brethren who fell from grace but maybe she was actually ripped from it? Stolen? It could make sense as to why she was burned awhile after holding peacemaker, why she can cross the GRT line and not burn, why she’s basically an angel but has her limits. But then I’m not even sure how one could go about that storyline. Where would one go to rip an angel from grace? Is it possible she could have fallen from it accidentally? There’s a lot of exposition that would come with that and I’m not so sure it would be worth it. Or how it would even be done. They could do it, but it might be easier to combine the familiar with the new. That’s where her being a demon-angel hybrid makes sense! She could also be an entirely new creature the WE universe hasn’t yet touched or one the writers have created from scratch. It’s all up in the air until we get more info — which I’m 99.9% certain is coming.

Another thing is: Waverly has to be a big piece of this puzzle. A very important piece this season or future seasons. Which could be due to her power. Both in the physical sense, since she can seemingly throw people like rag dolls without touching them, but also metaphorically. She has a standing in this game with Bulshar and for whatever reason he’s out to get her. The cannibalistic hunting Revenant in 3x02 wasn’t a minion of Bulshar and was terrified at the mention of his name so him kidnapping Waverly was an act driven by his own selfishness and hunger. Not a task for Bulshar. But Waverly is seen many times in S3 promos screaming bloody murder and in the presence of a creepy foe. None of these instances seem to be by coincidence. But then that scene where Waverly and Nicole are looking through Dolls’ hotel room completely changed the game. Nicole divulged about her past and Waverly chalks up her coming back to Purgatory without any concrete recollection of her past as her “having no control over any of her actions/decisions”. Waverly goes even further to state that maybe none of them have had any real control over any actions or decisions they’ve made so far and everything has been planned by some outside force or power — probably evil. That would mean Waverly being captured in 3x02 and every other time may not be because the foe consciously wanted to. Maybe there was a voice in their head that told them to and nobody noticed it wasn’t their own. Sort of like a Jedi Mind trick.

Which brings me to Mama Earp. Michelle Gibson.

She said in 3x01 she hears a voice that tells her about Bulshar. She never said if it told her actions she needed to take for him or against him. Wynonna seems to think she has all the answers and could help them, which could mean that come next episode Michelle is broken out of prison if this summary and the following picture are anything to go off:

So then what of her holding peacemaker while looking hysterical? Can she even use it? If she could that would be a real big game changer.

Who is she aiming the gun on? There might be an explanation for that in the scene where Waverly throws someone with the Force. It’s been theorized she was throwing Michelle since it looks like her from behind. It’s theorized that this happens because she’s evil. I have a new theory: she’s being used by Bulshar to get rid of Waverly.

There’s a line Michelle says in 3x01 that stuck out at me.

“You’re gonna get your baby sister killed.”

To paraphrase. Since I forgot what was actually said. But it was along the lines of this. She warned Wynonna she would put Waverly in jeopardy if she kept chasing Bulshar. At first it seems like she’s just wanting her youngest daughter to be safe and is angry at Wynonna for compromising that safety. But then we learn how she never wanted Waverly to visit her in prison. She didn’t talk of Willa but she specifically didn’t want Waverly to visit her. We also learn that she was taken out of the house when Waverly was really young because she was crazy? It wasn’t said if she did anything but because she’s in prison I can assume she did. If she hadn’t and was just a nuisance to the town by spreading wild theories of Bulshar, she would have been admitted to an asylum like Wynonna. Why did she get prison instead? Not even jail, she skipped that and went to straight up prison. She had to have done or at least tried something that would have landed her there.

There’s also Waverly throwing her (presumably) and Michelle (possibly) aiming a gun on her youngest daughter before or after being thrown? We’re also shown a clip of Michelle tied up and peacemaker back at Wynonna’s side.

Michelle is definitely crazy...but is she dangerous? Personally, I believe Michelle is going to be broken out of prison because of Wynonna wanting to learn more about Bulshar from her. But that voice that tells Michelle of Bulshar will overcome her when she’s in the presence of Waverly and she’ll lash out, trying to kill her.

If in fact the voice is tied to Bulshar and, like many others, Michelle has no control over her actions or decisions then it’s clear Bulshar wants or needs Waverly dead. That could mean he wants to pull the cliche villain thing and kill Wynonna’s baby sister to get to her, or he could genuinely be afraid of Waverly because she’s an actual threat to him or his plans.

Sorry this is such a long theory! I needed to get all this off my chest. I was watching the promo for 3x04 again and my mind was buzzing with theories. Lmk what you think and any theories you may have.

[crashdevlin]

Bottle-14: Safe House

Bottle Masterlist

Author’s Note: Originally posted to ao3 (This is an edited and improved version), I work in info from the comics (Like Hawkeye was married to Mockingbird and Red Skull had a disappointing daughter) and I took a few liberties with what the scepter could do (but not really because the Mind Stone was used to create the Twins so what I did is not that far-fetched). This is a lot more angst than I realized when I wrote it, but it’s compelling angst.

Summary: Cassandra Campbell is a Stark Industries lab tech with dubious genetics and a history with the new Director of SHIELD. She’s been working in New York since right before the Chitauri invasion. What does she have to do with Loki, and what will happen when he returns? Starts post TDW and continues to the end of AoU.

Pairing(s): Phil Coulson x OFC (Past), Loki x OFC (Non-con), Clint Barton x OFC, Steve Rogers x OFC

Word Count: 4810

Story Warnings: So many, worst (to me) are bolded. Younger woman/older man relationship,non-con, mutilation, torture, mind control, PTSD, depression, alcoholism, forced abortions, bad things (non-con) in a church, insomnia, memory manipulation, eventual consensual oral sex (female and male receiving),

Chapter Warnings: canon-compliant violence, 18+, HERE BE SEX, DON’T READ IF YOU’RE A YOUNG’UN, dub-con dream, canon-divergence (I hated the Laura Barton storyline for various reasons, so I fixed it) Bad German from google translate

Cassie woke up alone, but there was a note next to her head. Had to vacate. I made bacon and coffee. Call me when you wake up.

She smiled and dressed in a pair of jeans and a short-sleeved blue turtleneck. As she poured coffee into a travel mug, she put her cell on speaker and dialed Clint. "Good morning, Hawk."

"Not so much," came through the phone. "Uh, so, Natasha knows."

"What? Are you kidding me?" She twisted the cap on the mug and picked up her cell phone.

"No. We're spies. She didn't like my answer of where I spent my night, so she followed me on the camera footage."

Cassie took a drink of her coffee and groaned, walking out of her apartment. "I'm sorry, Agent Barton. Aren't you supposed to be well-versed in keeping shit secret?"

"Hey, I'm great at keeping secrets. I was on my way to delete the video from the cams in your apartment when Nat told me she got there first."

"Great. So, your best friend, who thinks I'm a cocktease, knows you spent the night in my bed? Wonderful. So, what, did she tell you to stay away from me? You gonna listen to her?" she asked, getting into the elevator. She rested her phone between her ear and shoulder and pushed her right hand onto the biometric scanner above the numbered buttons.

"That's a negative. I answer to you." His voice switched to a military tone.

"And someone just walked up on you. One of the bosses. Tell me you deleted that footage."

"Yes, ma'am."

"I'm on my way up," she said, pressing numbers on the screen to send her to the lab level. She heard someone in the background, sounded like Steve.

"I gotta go," Clint said, into the phone.

"See ya in few," Cassie said, hanging up and putting her phone in her back pocket. As she walked into the lab, drinking down her coffee like ambrosia, she noticed everyone around Natasha at the computer. "What'd I miss?"

"Ultron killed your buddy Strucker," Tony answered, handing a tablet to her. 'STRUCKER, BARON VON' and 'DECEASED' shined up at her, over a picture of Strucker, dead in his cell. 'PEACE' was written crudely on the wall in blood.

"This is a smokescreen. Why send a message when you've just given a speech?" Natasha asked.

"Strucker knew something that Ultron wanted us to miss," Steve caught on.

"Yeah, I bet he..." Natasha started, pulling up the file on Strucker. "Yep. Everything we had on Strucker has been erased."

"Not everything," Steve said, with a smile. "I prefer paper."

"You've got analog files," Cassie said, with a grin. "Thank God for the man out of time. Where are they?"

"There's a storage room down the hall. Strucker files will be there."

The team grabbed the boxes and dug in, Clint taking a box over to the window to be by himself. Cassie stuck by the table, going through a box of Strucker's history. A Hydra file caught her eye, one labeled 'Projekt Kind'. She pulled it as Steve dropped a box on the table. "Known associates. Strucker had a lot of friends."

"Well, these people are all horrible," Banner said, flipping through files.

"Wait. I know that guy," Tony said, pointing at a picture. "From back in the day. He operates off the African coast, black market arms."

Steve gave him an accusatory look, so he quickly defended himself as the picture was passed around the table. Cassie tore her eyes away from the 'Kind' file to stand and look over Thor's arm at the picture. The man looked dangerous, covered in tattoos and heavily muscled. "There are conventions, all right? You meet people, I didn't sell him anything. He was talking about finding something new, a game changer, it was all very 'Ahab'."

"This?" Thor asked, pointing to a red symbol on the man's neck.

"Uh, it's a tattoo. I don't think he had it..." Tony answered.

"No, those are tattoos, this is a brand," Thor responded, showing the picture to the table.

"A brand? Like, a voluntary body mod thing, or... 'we want you to be forever remembered as a criminal' kind of thing?" Cassie asked.

"Well, he operates in Africa. There are still tribes that do that. I mean, the ones that don't just kill you," Clint offered from his place behind Stark.

"Let's find out. I'll scan this picture and find the symbol." Banner said, gently taking the picture from Thor's hands and walking to the computer.

As the computer scanned through thousands of symbols, Cassie opened the 'Kind' file. Most of it was numbers and dates. #1: FEHLSCHLAGEN: 23/5/1978-23/5/1978, #5: FEHLSCHLAGEN: 9/6/1978-9/7/1978 ... on and on with failure after failure, until #452: GELINGEN: 12/9/1989-? LEBENDE EXEMPLAR.

"What are you reading?" Natasha asked from over her shoulder. Cassie hadn't realized how close the Russian was to her.

"Projekt Kind. Me. I'm reading about me, and all the failures that came before me. All the brothers and sisters that died in the petri dish."

"Why was that in with Strucker's stuff?" Banner asked from the computer.

"Because Strucker ran the lab where I was made. It was one of his first assignments, back when he was a balding young Hydra agent, instead of a bald asshole." She flipped the folder shut and looked around the room. "They called me 452, but I never really thought they'd failed 451 times before they got it right. The one before me only lasted a month. I... wonder what they did right with me."

"Don't worry about what they did, just be glad they did it," Tony said, looking at the computer.

"Oh, yeah," Bruce said, as a match came up on the screen. "It's a word in an African dialect meaning 'thief', in a much less friendly way."

"What dialect?" Steve asked.

"Wakanada?" Bruce tried, before turning back to the screen to try again. "Wa... wa... Wakanda."

The word hit something in Cassie's mind. Phil had told her about Wakanda. What had he said? "If this guy got out of Wakanda with some of their trade goods..." Stark started, looking completely exasperated.

"I thought your father said he got the last of it?" Steve said.

"I don't follow. What comes out of Wakanda?" Bruce asked, stepping away from the computer.

Steve and Tony turned their heads to look at Steve's beloved shield. "The strongest metal on Earth."

"Where is this guy now?" Steve asked.

"Africa?" Cassie suggested, taking a drink of her coffee and standing.

"Yeah. A shipyard in Richards Bay, South Africa. East coast, about 600 klicks away from Johannesburg," Natasha said, pulling up a location on the computer.

"Suit up? I'm gonna go suit up. Meet you at the jet," Cassie said, grabbing the 'Kind' file and walking out with it and her mug. As she waited for the elevator, Natasha walked up beside her, grabbing the folder. "What are you doing, Romanoff?"

"You don't need this. It's a deep hole. You're already in one of those. Don't dig yourself deeper." She held the file away from the blond next to her.

"I'm already in one? Really? I wasn't aware."

Natasha turned to her, the file safely behind her back. "You still don't know who you are. I understand that. You have an internal fight going on between you and the occultist Hydra princess," she said the words with a mixture of malice and pity. "You're gonna look at this file and see their plans for you. It's Hydra, so they had your whole life planned out. But you, whoever you actually are, you're not who they wanted you to be. You aren't 452, or Junior. You're Joanna and Cassandra... Red Queen. All of those names, SHIELD and its operatives gave you. Like you said, even your dark side has a respect for human life. This file is not you."

"Why do you care how deep I dig myself? I'm just a tease, right? Nobody you want on your team."

"Because Barton cares, and you've chosen. That's all I asked. You chose Clint and he asked me to be nice. I'm willing to do that. I'm willing to try to be your friend. I'm happy to be your teammate. Just so long as we're all clear that you've chosen and last night wasn't a fluke."

Cassie sighed and walked onto the elevator as it opened. "I chose. Yesterday, I chose. Not because I was scared of some robot, not because he showed up in my bedroom while I was vulnerable and sad... but because I like the blunt, forward child of the '70s... the man who knows me, both sides of me, better than I do. And better than you do."

"Then, we're fine. See you at the jet," Natasha turned and walked back toward the lab, putting the file under her arm.

***************

"All right. Heavy hitters, go in first. That's me, Thor and Cap. Red, Hawk and Widow, you pull a stealth entrance and bring up the rear. Banner stays on the jet unless we need a 'Code Green'," Tony ordered.

Everyone nodded and readied themselves to head onto the ship. Cassie nodded to Clint as he started to climb to a vantage height, but she stuck to the shadows on the lower. She could hear the A Team above her, chatting with Ultron and the twins. "I'm glad you asked that, because I wanted to take this time to explain my evil plan!" Ultron shouted, before a series of explosions and hits and thuds were heard above her. She pulled her gun from its holster and snuck to a point still mostly covered, but able to take aim at the Ultronbots suddenly flying above, attacking everyone. Two shots to the head of one put it down a few feet from her, and she managed a bullet into the leg of one of Klaue's men. When Steve knocked the fast enhanced into the boxes she was hiding behind, Cassie came around them. No more hiding.

"Stay down, kid," Steve said, before running off.

Cassie pointed her weapon at the Maximoff. "I know you could be gone before I finished pulling this trigger... and even if I could hit you, I wouldn't want a body on my soul, anyway. So, I'm gonna go this way..." She gestured to her left with the pistol. "...and you can go wherever else you want."

The silver haired enhanced looked up at her, then stood, brushing his clothes off. "You have no bodies on your soul? You are Avenger. Is that not requirement for joining?"

She shook her head. "Sie wissen nicht wovon Sie sprechen. [You don’t know what you’re talking about.] You have a vastly distorted view of the Avengers. Your outdated idea of Tony Stark is the problem. But... me... I'm just one of Strucker's experiments gone right. I'm..." Her head went fuzzy as she spoke, and she turned her head to see the sister and a red mist floating around her head. "Vat did you do?" she whispered, accent heavy on her words as her head went fuzzy.

"Guys, is this a code Green?" came through the comms as Cassie tried to blink away the dizziness in her head.

"Thor! Status?" Steve came through next as Wanda and Pietro disappeared from Cassie's field of vision.

"The girl tried to warp my mind. Take special care, I doubt a human could keep her at bay. Fortunately, I am mighty." Thor's voice was muffled by a louder, seemingly omnipresent voice.

"Joanna." Cassie twisted, the sing-song voice sending fear straight to her gut. The ship had been replaced by the lab she used to work in at Stark Tower. She looked down, her super suit replaced by her old lab coat and a light blue blouse... and there he was, inky black hair, blue-green eyes, green and black armor, sitting on the counter between two Bunsen burners on at their highest level. "Clinton, then? You replace me, Asgardian royalty, the son of King Laufey of Jotunheim, with a circus freak?"

She took a step backward, which prompted Loki to jump down and walk toward her. "Loki, I-"

"Don't worry, Joanna. I'm not angry," he said, grabbing a fistful of her hair and pulling her into a kiss. She melted into it, his cold touch forcing shivers throughout her body. "You are my queen, my Red Queen, and I know you love me. I know you love my touch." His long fingers came to her lab coat, pulling it down her arms to drop on the floor.

"That scepter didn't make you scream my name, did it? It didn't leave you dripping your juices down my chin or make you ride my cock like a wench in heat." He turned her, roughly, pushing her chest into the counter and bringing his hands around to unbutton her black work slacks, pushing them down her legs.

"Loki, don't-"

"I know your mind. I know you miss me, Joanna. You refuse to acknowledge it, but I can smell your lies, even the ones you tell yourself. I know how much you long to be in my arms again, how you miss being impaled upon me." His hand slid down her ass and between her legs, rubbing her lips through the thin satin of her panties. He tore the material away and stood, lining his cock up against her and lifting her hips to improve his angle as he rammed his hips forward. "You... are... mine. Only mine... I know your body... such that... I can make... you cum... without even touching... your little bundle of nerves." He hammered his hips forward, causing Cassie to whimper and claw at the slick granite countertop.

He was right. As his hands grabbed her shoulders to hold her steady, an orgasm rushed over her. "Oh, my god," she moaned.

He continued to fuck her past her orgasm, drawing the sensations out longer. "Yes, I am. Do well to remember it, Joanna."

Cassie was suddenly back on the ship, sprawled out on the floor, her body thrumming with arousal. She shuddered and stood. "Natasha, I could really use a lullaby," Tony's voice came over the comm.

"Well, that's not gonna happen. Not for a while. The whole team is down. You got no backup here," Clint answered.

"I'm out... out of it," Cassie whispered. "I can't provide a Brahm's but, do you need help, Stark?"

"Banner's in Johannesburg, I don't know how you'd get there in time. Help Barton corral the rest of the team. I'm calling in VERONICA."

"Good to hear your voice, Red," Clint came over the comms.

"You got a location on the rest of our team?" She wasn't in the mood for pleasantries.

"Cap was swaying in the stairwell, got no clue on the Thunder God."

"Got him," Cassie said, looking up the stairs to the left. She ran up them, coming to a stop in front of Steve. "Steve... Steve. Hey, come back. Come back," she said, snapping her fingers in front of him.

Steve barely moved, so Cassie bent her knees, putting her shoulder against his abdomen and popping up to throw him over her shoulder. "Cap's still out, I'm taking him back to the jet. Grab Widow and meet me there, Barton. We'll take on Thor together."

As she stomped onto the Quinjet, Steve weighing her down, Clint rushed up beside her. "Here, put him down over here." She dropped Steve unceremoniously on one of the jump seats, then rolled her shoulders back. "I'm impressed. Glad for the super strength, huh?"

"Right. Come on. Let's go wrangle an Asgardian," she said, trudging back down the ramp.

"Hey. Are you okay?" Clint asked, following her. "I know the Maximoff chick hit you."

"Clint, can we not? We've just had our asses completely handed to us. You and I are the only ones intact right now, and we've got a God to put on that jet."

"Okay, well... You're gonna tell me what she made you see, right? Later?"

"Sure," she responded, running back up the ramp onto the ship.

*********************************

Clint powered up the jet and flew out as soon as Banner and Stark made it on board. He tried to beckon Cassie to the copilot seat, but she shook her head and took her place on the floor next to the scientist. She didn't say anything or touch the man, just hung her head and listened to the sounds of the Quinjet, all the while wondering what the hell was wrong with her.

Maria's voice came from the cockpit. "The news is loving you guys. Nobody else is. There's been no official call for Banner's arrest but it's in the air."

"Stark Relief Foundation?" Tony asked.

"Already on the scene. How's the team?"

Cassie could almost feel Tony scan the jet with his eyes. "Everyone's... we took a hit. We'll shake it off."

Well, that sounded optimistic.

"Well, for now, I'd stay in stealth mode and stay away from here."

"So, run and hide?"

"Until we can find Ultron, I don't have a lot else to offer."

"Neither do we." There was a moment where the screen clicked off, then Stark said, "Hey, do you wanna switch out?"

"No, I'm good. If you wanna get some kip, now's a good time, 'cause we're still a few hours out."

"A few hours from where?"

"A safe house."

Cassie watched Stark sit in one of the seats and look down at his phone, so she nodded at him and stood, walking to the cockpit to take the copilot seat. "I don't want to talk about it, now. Maybe never, but definitely not now," she said, quietly. Clint just nodded and reached his right hand out to pat her knee. "Thank you."

"Hey, secret shit is what I do. Speaking of, you remember, in Austria I told you about a farm I go to when I need to get my shit straight?"

Cassie nodded. "That's your safe house?"

"Yeah. And, uh, I'm not the only one who lives there," he whispered.

"What, you got a secret wife or something?" she whispered back, leaning over closer to him.

"No, nothing stupid like that, but... I have a brother, Barney. He's got a wife and kids. He's not always... stable and he's... not around a lot. So, I set her, my niece and nephew up with a stable home. Barney and I never got that, and she's a great woman, deserves it, so... Anyway, only Nat knows, so... Assuming Ultron hasn't found out about it, that's gonna be a surprise."

"Wait... Barney Barton... I know that name... Charles, right? He’s Trick Shot now, right?"

"Uh, yeah. How do you know that?"

Cassie turned away from him and looked out the front of the jet. "Phil brought home files sometimes."

"I... remember seeing you snoop a couple times. You never did anything with them though."

"Curiosity. Always trying to learn."

***********

Cassie fell into a dreamless sleep, which was disturbed only when the Quinjet landed outside a farmhouse situated on a green plot of land. "Wow," she whispered, standing. "Home is green."

"Yeah," Clint said, dropping the ramp to let everyone walk out.

"What is this place?" Thor asked, stepping onto the porch.

"A safe house?" Tony said, questioningly.

"Let's hope," Barton muttered, opening the door for them. "Honey, I'm home," he called.

The brunette woman that walked in from the kitchen was very pregnant. She smiled at them. "Let your brother hear you call me 'honey', you'll have even more issues with each other than you already do."

Clint smiled. "Hi. Company. Sorry I didn't call first."

"Clint, it's your house. Your don't have to call ahead." She smiled brightly at the group. "Hey."

"She's clearly an agent of some kind," Tony mumbled to Thor.

"Gentlemen, Cass, this is my sister-in-law, Laura."

"I know all your names."

"Ooh, incoming," Barton said, pulling away from Laura and kneeling down as a boy and a girl ran into the living room.

"Uncle Clint!" the girl yelled, jumping up into his arms.

"Oh, she's been dying to tell you about this boy at school," Laura said.

The girl nodded, excited. "Do I want to know about the boy at school?" he asked.

The girl jumped down, nodding as Stark said, "These are... smaller agents."

"There's a new boy at school, we share recess, and I'm the only one who can talk to him."

"Why's that?"

"'Cause he's deaf and I'm the only one who knows Sign," she said.

Clint smiled, proudly. "Very cool. Is he cute?" He spoke the words as he signed at her. The girl blushed fiercely and puffed her cheeks out. Clint laughed at her reaction, then signed. "Glad you are getting good practice." At the look of confusion from Cassie, he shrugged. "I was kinda deaf for a while. SHIELD fixed me."

"By 'kinda deaf for a while' he means '80% hearing loss for most of his life'," Laura filled in.

"Did you bring Auntie Nat?" the girl interjected as Cassie gave an impressed look.

"Why don't you hug her and find out?" Natasha said, stepping forward. The girl rushed to her and hugged her tightly.

"Sorry for barging in on you," Steve apologized to Laura.

"Yeah, we would have called ahead, but we were busy not knowing you existed," Stark snarked.

"Yeah, well, Fury helped me set this up when I joined. He kept it off SHIELD's files, I'd like to keep it that way. I figure it's a good place to lay low."

"Well, Clint, we missed you," Laura said, with a smile.

"So, I see Barney made his way home," Natasha said, walking up and putting her hands on the woman's belly.

"Yeah. 'Bout seven months ago."

"So... how's little Natasha, huh?" Natasha asked.

"She's... Nathaniel," Laura answered.

"Traitor," Natasha said, leaning down to speak directly at the baby in the woman's belly.

Cassie turned her head as Thor stalked out of the house and Steve followed. "You're Cassie, aren't you?" Laura asked. Cassie turned back to the woman and nodded. "Clint has told me a lot about you."

"Oh, that can't be good."

Laura laughed. "No, it's good, I promise. He couldn't tell me everything, you know, 'classified'." She did air quotes around the word. "...but when you disappeared, he went crazy with worry. He obsessed about finding you. He had all these maps that me and the kids weren't allowed to look at. He'd spend hours pouring over them."

Clint groaned and pulled a knife from his belt. He offered it to Natasha and tapped the back of his skull. "If you could just, please, right here."

"Oh, come on, Clint. I think it's cute. So, where was it that you actually ended up being?" Laura asked, rubbing her hands over her belly.

"Austria."

"Oh. Pretty."

Cassie smiled, awkwardly as her stomach growled. "You mind if I take over your kitchen, Mrs. Barton? I'm feeling a bit... completely famished."

"Oh, sure. I don't mind."

"I'm gonna grab a shower," Tony said.

"Kids' bathroom is upstairs, second door on the left," Clint informed, before following Cassie into the kitchen. "Hey. You all right?"

She opened the fridge and peered in. It was well stocked with produce and meats, three different kinds of fruit juice on the top shelf and a small drawer filled with Lunchables. A twenty-four pack of beer sat on the bottom shelf next to a case of ginger ale. "I wasn't ever... that pregnant. She... looks huge," she whispered. She shook her head and shut the fridge. "Which way to town?"

"What do you mean? What do you need in town?"

"I'm gonna go buy some beer."

"There's beer in the fridge."

She smiled, slightly. "It's so cute that you think that's beer."

"What, you don't like Coors?" he asked, leaning against the oven.

"I have something against a beer that encourages you to drink it cold." Clint raised his eyebrow. "Come on, you've spent enough time in Europe to know that real beer should be warm or, at least, room temp. Why? Because cold dulls the natural flavors of hops and barley and if a beer wants you to drink it cold, they obviously don't want you to actually taste it."

She shrugged. "Farmland, USA, I might be able to find a sixer of Guinness at the 'Five and Dime'. Just point me in the right direction."

"A: It's a dry town. You'd have to go the next county over for a beer. 2: I've got whiskey in the cabinet if you really need a drink, and Charlie: There are a lot of people out there looking for us. You don't need to be going anywhere."

"I'm not an Avenger, not so far as the world knows, Clint. No one is gonna recognize me."

Clint rolled his eyes and switched on the TV set sitting on the counter. BBC World News flicked to life on the screen. "...mysterious young woman carrying Thor onto the Avengers' jet. We apologize for the poor quality of the video. It's from CCTV. It is not clear who this woman is, but what is clear is that she is definitely not human," a petite British newscaster said.

Her co-anchor nodded. "You have to imagine how heavy Thor is, and you can see on that video, she just carries him around like a sack filled with potatoes or flour or something. It's like it takes no effort fer her," the Scottish man said.

"Video's grainy. You can't tell that's me. Look, I'll put on a hoodie and glasses if it'll make you feel better, but I'm going into town and you can't stop me, Hawk. I mean, you're just a human," she said, before sighing and looking down. "I didn't mean for that to be... so rude. I'm sorry. I just... The Maximoff chick got to me and then that... I don't need reminding of what I am. Your sister has some really nice bell peppers in there and I was gonna get some sausage, bratwurst maybe, make us some good ol' Austrian diner food for dinner. I think a hardy meal would help us a lot." She blinked back her tears and shook her head at herself.

"Can you drive?" Clint asked, softly.

Cassie nodded. "Phil taught me. I, also, know how to fly."

"He let you drive LOLA?"

She chuckled. "There was a time when he loved me more than that Corvette. I thought you were watching me. How'd you miss that?"

Clint shrugged. "I knew you weren't going to be doing any shady Hydra stuff with Phil around, so when he came in, I'd take time off. At the beginning, I went home to Bobbi until I got confirmation that Coulson had a new mission. After she... the divorce, I got a cheap apartment in San Luis Obispo that I went to when Phil was around. Mostly just slept and pigged out on sandwiches. Oh, and played PlayStation."

"So, you missed the crash."

"You crashed LOLA?" He looked a mixture of mortified and amused.

"Yeah. First time I got her in the air. Phil was so angry, he couldn't even speak for like 20 minutes after he inspected the damage. Which wasn't a lot, really, just a cracked headlight." She smiled. "It was... three weeks before he let me behind the wheel again, but I never had any other problems. Got my license a few months before I left Cali... Don't really need it in New York. Anyway, closest beer-mart?"

"Why don't I just drive you?" He reached out and grabbed her hand.

"You need to be here. Natasha needs you. Laura and the kids haven't seen you since I've been back from Austria. I'll be fine and I could probably benefit from a little alone time. I deal better in seclusion, remember?"

"Last time you needed seclusion, I spent two months searching for you," he whispered.

"I promise I'll come back. Today, even." She smiled softly and pulled her hand back. "Come on, Hawkeye. Keys?"

Clint sighed and groped behind him, on the counter, for a set of keys. "Take the van. Laura won't mind."

"And where am I going?" she asked, taking the keys with the Planet Fitness key chain and looping them over her first finger.

"Dirt road, take a left on Sycamore, right onto SR107, 20 miles down there's a Wal-Mart Supercenter. Beer, sausages, all that. You better come back. If you don't, I'm gonna have to room with Stark and that'd be torture."

She nodded, looking toward the living room before going on her tiptoes to press her lips to his cheek. She walked past the Bartons and Natasha out of the house.

KITCHEN SINK TAGS @heyitscam99 @wonderlandfandomkingdom @unlikelysamwinchesteronahunt @mrs-meghan-winchester @henrymorganme @lonely-skys @allykat2108

[imagine-lcorp]

Mustang Ride (Part VI)

A/N: Coming back from the HIATUS to give you this!!! I really hope you are enjoying the story and like I say I’m gonna be working on pending request so please just hang a lil more. Kudos to you all beautiful beans and let me know what you think.

Lena Luthor x Shapeshifter Reader//Word Count: 1, 581

Series: Part I - Part II - Part III - Part IV - Part V - Part VI

"Winn, what's going on?" Alex was talking over the intercoms, trying to get as much information as possible since the moment the alarm sounded. You only recognized him due to the obvious distress of his screams. "Okay, calm down. (Y/N) and I are on our way." She cut the communication with a grunt and turned to talk to you. "Polar guy got out, Winn says he's gone crazy."

She turned her com off and moved immediately towards the door. You followed her with your eyes and, by the expression on her face, you knew the situation wasn't good. It didn't help to ease your nervousness.

Lena turned to look at you, becoming aware of the way you were holding her by your side and feeling the tension build on your body. She already knew what was going over your head. Having to face dangerous criminals and having Lena so close to the danger were two things you preferred not to mix. So she placed a hand on your cheek making you focus your eyes on her own.

"I'll stay here, okay? I'll be safe, don't worry." She reassured you with a hint of worry on her face. You looked at her for a moment, her same expression reflected on you, but you nodded, placing your hands on her cheeks and leaving a small kiss on her forehead.

"I'll be back." You promised and rushed outside the medical bay.

It took you barely half a minute to get in the cells and the scene you came to find was nothing like what you had imagined. J'onn could have been fighting alongside the other agents against the three shapeshifters, to keep them at bay and preventing their escape. It could have been a messy encounter, between claws, bullets and screams. Instead, J'onn was trying to push polar guy back on his cell while his other two partners were just about to shatter the reinforced glass of their containment cells.

Polar guy had broken the glass of his own, hitting and smashing himself over and over against it. He had escaped just moments after J'onn had put a foot on the room to carry on with the interrogations. He had seen the glass about to shatter before anyone else and jumped straight against him to hold him in place. You wondered just how mad or crazy polar bear guy had to be to do that. It reminded you of a scene from an old Greek vase, hero and a beast going at each other with matching strength.

A small curse escaped Alex's lips as she realized the gravity of the situation. "(Y/N), can you buy us some time?"

"Sure." You said stepping forward.

You didn't know what to do exactly to help but you trusted Alex would come up with a good plan for the situation. So you threw yourself into the fight and one second later there was a lion in the room. Your roar was enough to distract the three shapeshifters, giving J'onn enough time to push away polar dude. He stumbled and hit the wall of his cell and thought about it as a small victory. That until you saw him shake his head, turned to look at you and charged again with renewed force.

It was kind of a dreadful sight, even worse than the first time you opened the doors of that DEO van. He came charging toward you, too focused that he completely ignored J'onn, or so you thought. This time you didn't let fear paralyze you and, with a quick move, you transformed into a hare to dodge his attack. However, you realized too late, he wasn't exactly trying to get you. He went straight against rhino guy's cell, helping him finally break out of it.

"Seal the block!" Shouted J'onn as soon as he saw the glass crumble and fall into the floor.

Rhino and polar boys turned around and came out of that cell, as if they were part of a stampede, while the lock down alarm sounded through the whole facility, warning the rest the DEO. Lena, however, knew about the danger immediately as she watched with worry the security footage.

She had gone to the control room to ask Winn and Kara if there was anything she could do to help. Winn was going over the controls as fast as he could just to activate whatever safety protocol you could need in there while Kara observed with full attention the security cameras. They were both a bit on edge, watching the people they loved the most being trapped with potential murderers. They observed the fight but when rhino guy got out that was a game changer. Only J'onn and you seemed to be able to hold them in place and the other agents, including Alex, didn't seem sure about what to do. They had their guns but were sure shooting wasn't best idea as the fight was making it impossible to get a clear shot. One wrong move and you could be in greater danger.

"What's happened?" Said Lena when the lock down started. She didn't dare to get her eyes off of the screens.

"Oh my god, it's like they have gone full berserk mode." Winn replied hysterical.

"I'm going in." Kara turned around ready for the fight.

"Wait, you can't!" Shouted Winn. "You can't enter the block and if you try to force your way in you will lock us all in here." With that Kara stopped.

"What do you mean?" Lena had finally moved to the controls to see what Winn was doing.

"If the doors are forced, a new protocol will activate sealing the whole building." He replied without stopping his typing.

"And it could block other computer systems." Lena completed the thought.

"Yes, and I need those programs to get them out."

"Winn, tell me you already a plan for this." Kara went back to the screens, watching the fight evolve on the cell block.

"I'm on it." The typing continued for another few seconds as Kara and Lena observed J'onn and you go against the criminals.

Lena could tell it was, surprisingly, an even fight. Rhino and polar guy were relentless with their attacks but you and J'onn were doing a good job keeping them busy. Alex and gathered the agents at the doors, forming a shield in front of them in case the criminals decided to just run out. But she also noticed they were not exactly fighting with a plan. Winn was right, they acted more like berserks, fighting just for the sake of it. There was no coordination in their movements and the more she looked at them the more she was convinced they had gone crazy. She understood better now why you have been so worried and frightened. They weren't people anymore. And then, there was a blast on the third cell, shattered glass was flying all over the place and another figure had joined the fight.

"Winn!" Kara suddenly shouted back.

"Oh god, oh god." He repeated frantic. "I need a minute!"

As worried as Lena and Kara were, they knew better to let Winn work. Kara had wanted to break into that block right away but Winn's warning had made her rethink it. She had taken a decision like that once and it had nearly cost Alex's life. Lena, on the other hand, could only stare as you transformed in several animals more, big and small, just to try to escape or strike, noticing how tired you were getting. In Roulette's ring, you had told her, you had to fight two or three at a time for the big events. You tried to end the fights as quickly as possible, otherwise you were the one who ended with the worst injuries. Shapeshifting had its own limits and you had to test them all in the ring just to survive for another fight. Unlike J'onn, you had less endurance and shifting that quickly was taking more and more energy than you could have anticipated.

Suddenly, there was a shift that Lena and Kara, or even you and J'onn couldn't notice right away. On the cameras, Lena could watch how the three criminals started shaking, their movements more erratic.

"What's going on?" Lena asked.

"Winn we don't have more time!" Kara turned to see him.

He was still typing but on a second and with a final tap he turned around to answer. "The doors are open. Go!"

The alarms deactivated and Lena saw the screens, a blue blur passing around the block cells and knocking off rhino, polar and snake guys out. They ended on the floor still conscious and moving but instead of getting up to fight again, like Lena had imagined they would, they stood there.

Everyone seemed to take a moment to look at them. Winn had turned on his chair to watch the surveillance cameras, the agents in the cell block were still near the now unlocked doors, pointing their guns at the three of them, J'onn and Kara were in front of the criminals waiting for any sign of attack, and you were behind them, in human form again and catching your breath, observing them closely. The shaking in their bodies increased and the sounds coming from their mouths were those of rabid dogs.

Then, just when you thought it couldn't get worse, they stopped moving. There was no more fight and no more life in them.

[staygoldenlightning]

An exciting new review experience in three parts! It’s gonna be a long one!

It was only a matter of time until I addressed this elephant in the room: I’m a little bit obsessed with To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before — both the Jenny Han novel and the Netflix original movie. And I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one. To All the Boys is the story of Korean-American, high school junior Lara Jean, whose personal love letters to each of the five boys she’s loved are accidentally sent out, all while she’s dealing with the challenges of her older sister leaving for college (and leaving behind an ex boyfriend that Lara Jean has always had an eye for). In an act of mutual damage control, Lara Jean and her former crush Peter Kavinsky enact probably the best (and definitely my favorite) rom-com cliche of all time: they pretend to be a couple.

I received a copy of the book (the first in a trilogy I haven’t read the rest of yet, NO SPOILERS) as a Christmas gift last year, and I read it back around February or March. Now that the Netflix film has taken Twitter the world quite literally by storm, I figured it was time I launched my thoughts right out into the eye of it. So without further ado, here’s everything I have to say about To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before, presented in three parts.

To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before: The Movie

When I’m out of town for the night, Matt has a ritual where he gets a pizza or some snacks and watches a movie I wouldn’t like with the cat. Last week, on a night when Matt was going to be out late and my cat and I were home alone, I decided to do the exact same thing myself (except now I’m pretty sure that he would actually enjoy this movie too). Actually, there are a lot of reasons why this movie is good for EVERYONE, even us “grown ups.” I was feeling a little down on that particular day, and I needed something lighthearted and a little bit indulgent to get my mind off of it, so I put on To All the Boys, because even though I knew I wanted to watch it, I’d been putting it off, in a way.

While some nights since its premier I just didn’t have the time to sit and watch a whole movie, hype scares me away from things. Not in a hipster sense of “If too many people like it, then it must not be good,” but I fear the bandwagon effect. I don’t want to like it just because other people do and I want to fit in. But I have nothing against liking something popular if I actually connect with it. With this movie, I was actually expecting it to be a little cliche, a little cheesy, and a little silly, but in all actuality, it’s just the best rom-com I’ve seen in a really long time. Seriously.

The casting, the characterization, and the pacing all impressed me in their own ways, but what actually stood out to me about the movie was the cinematography and the storytelling choices. I’m not pretending to know anything about movies, but this could have easily been a movie that focused on the plot to give the people what they want: ROMANCE. While that’s still the main focus, the creative direction of the movie really surprised me with the handling of all the side conflicts circling around the main arc. Visually, it was way more interesting than you’d expect from a rom-com: the shots are interesting, and a little bit conceptual, and all meant to capture Lara Jean’s state of mind, not just what she’s doing or what she looks like.

I also give the movie huge props for something a lot of teen movies weirdly fail at, which is writing dialogue that actually sounds the way teens talk. There was no awkward slang, no overly-rehearsed sounding monologues, and even Kitty sounds appropriately mature for her age without going overboard. Even with it’s modern inclusion of social media, To All the Boys actually nailed it in the dialogue department.

I’ve only got one real bone to pick with the writing overall, and that’s the scene in the first act of the movie that, in my opinion, pretty obviously gives away the twist at the end. I read the book; I knew what happened already. But for someone that didn’t, I think they showed their hand too early. (Notice how I’m speaking in generalities to avoid spoilers). The reveal wasn’t explicitly stated, but I think it was too heavily implied. What Kitty says on the couch is enough. If there was a way that the dramatic irony of us knowing the secret that Lara Jean doesn’t could have enhanced the movie, I would have been all for it, but I don’t think they pulled that off. But this is still a small enough gripe not to ruin the movie for me.

And one more thing: the movie didn’t treat really any character as merely an expendable plot device. Lara Jean is and incredibly well-developed protagonist who I came to love almost immediately (how couldn’t I when she daydreams in regency-era period dress?). But the important thing is that we never stop learning about her; not all the information is dumped into exposition, we have to earn our full understanding piece by piece. While I did feel that Gen was reduced a little bit to the “mean girl” stereotype, we do eventually find out why she acts the way she does, and it’s actually a game changer, if only subtly. (Actually, it’s my opinion that the movie needed more Chris, too.)

This is also part of what makes Peter K. such a great character in his own right, not just as “the love interest.” What’s refreshing about Peter is that he’s a softer form of masculine lead that we don’t see too often, but the kicker is that he’s not afraid to show it from the very start (and to be honest, I didn’t get this as strongly from Book Peter). No “tough guy” layers to dig through—his heart’s pretty much on his sleeve, even though he’s still the cool guy all at the same time. Plus, Noah Centineo is a dreamboat (we were all thinking it). I’m telling you, he’s going to be the Chad Michael Murray of his time.

This is unfair and their outfits match.

While of course there wasn’t time for book-length dives into every character, even Lara Jean herself, the characters were portrayed in a way that encourages the audience to make a connection.

https://twitter.com/ivyjune12/status/1037885481302847488

I’m a firm believer that a movie is not a book. Obvious, but what I mean is that a movie doesn’t just have to be a direct retelling of the book in exact detail. In my opinion, if that’s all a movie does, it was unnecessary. I did all that in my head already. What I think makes a great movie adaptation is that it has to have something to say, some interpretation of the characters, plot, and themes, while still capturing the overall idea and spirit of the book from whence it came. I understand the cuts that were made for the sake of real-estate (though I’m hoping a certain deleted kiss surfaces in the sequel I’m praying for). What they did was tailor down the story to make it more self-contained, more refined, and more to the point so that it fit the medium and told they story it needed to tell while really letting us live inside Lara Jean’s head for a while.

But also, how much do you think Subway paid for that product placement?

To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before: The Book

You’ll have to excuse my copy of the book, for it has the leftover residue of a “soon to be a major motion picture” sticker that didn’t quite come off all the way. Switching gears, To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before by Jenny Han is just about everything you want in a YA read: a quirky, relatable (and diverse!) main character, a pseudo-love triangle with ~nuance~, and a family secret or two threatening to fracture some relationships when it erupts. I’d known about the book for a few years (thanks, Tumblr), and I made pretty short work of it once I actually had a copy in my hands. The romance arcs made it a page turner in a lot of ways, with the way they criss-crossed and changed shape and came to a heated point.

That being said, I found the book itself a little slow in places in terms of pacing. It’s on the longer end of the YA spectrum, and while I can’t say I ever lost interest, I got a twinge every now and then when I finished a chapter without learning anything new, per se.

My other issue had much ado about Margot, Lara Jean’s older sister, who, despite not being present for the majority of the story, never truly leaves us. I completely understand why Lara Jean thinks of Margot often: she misses her sister, is distressed about keeping the secret, and worries that she’s not ready to fill Margot’s shoes as a caretaker. But in the book, Lara Jean is so preoccupied with Margot that I have to admit that there were moments I was sick of hearing about her.

What I loved most about the books was that Lara Jean’s romance was surrounded by several subplots dealing with friends, family, responsibility, family, and growing up. While a movie only has so much time before it loses us to sleep or boredom, a book can go on, night after night, expanding the main character’s world that we’re lucky enough to be living in. In the book, we get to see a lot more of what Lara Jean’s mom, and her Korean culture, means to her. We also get to see a lot more of how her family has grown from the past until now, and how they’ve all taken on changes before and after Margot’s departure. And maybe the thing I was the most heartbroken about was the letter in Margot’s desk and all the implications it held. Lara Jean wasn’t the only one with a secret, and I love the complexity it added to the sisters’ relationship.

https://twitter.com/ivyjune12/status/1037856493410897920

If you’re wondering about that Tweet, I was quickly disappointed and then overcame it.

Moving on, I’d be so interested to see what more movies would do with the material we have, because there’s a choice to be made at this point: do they go back and pick up the conflicts they didn’t have time for the first time around, or do they move on to whatever new ideas are hidden inside books 2-3? No matter what happens, sequel or not, the movie has actually really nudged me towards picking up the rest of the series—something I wasn’t totally convinced (Peter Convince-sky? No, but A for effort) I’d do before.

2 Outfits Inspired by Lara Jean Covey

I saved this little bonus section for last, mostly just to amuse myself. It was impossible not to notice how amazing Lara Jean’s style was in the movie; every outfit was a SENSATION and I haven’t stopped thinking about a single one. So, for giggles, I dug around in my closet and came up with the two closest Lara Jean outfits I own.

https://twitter.com/gicatam/status/1035720646196510720

1. Skirts and Stripes

A tried and true Lara Jean combo, a button front skirt paired with a cute (often striped) top can be found during a few scenes in the movie, but I would say I came closest to the airport outfit. While my color scheme is off, the spirit is there: I even braided my hair as much as possible. Fun fact: I am a cartoon character who owns this shirt in two different colors, and these boots are old enough that I can ~almost~ call them vintage (not really).

2. The Pink Power Suit

All right, it’s not a suit, but the soft pink blazer paired with skinny black jeans and a black choker was almost certainly a confidence move for the first ride in Peter’s Jeep. I don’t wear this pink blazer enough, and I wasn’t sure if I’d love it with this outfit because it’s more of a salmon than a blush (I want to introduce my best friend Squidward to everybody in town wearing a salmon suit).  Actually, this combo worked out surprisingly well, minus the fact that I’m wearing a literal shoe string as a choker.

Actually, I’ve left the house wearing it like that before, and I love it. Fight me.

^This is the best image I could find of this outfit and I’m bummed about it. 

Lara Jean’s style is the perfect combination of vintage revival and current trends, which is really everything I want to be in my life. I’m already making my list of things I need to add to my own closet: a yellow beret, a lot more bomber jackets, a gorgeous red ballgown. Maybe by the end of autumn, I’ll have the full collection. From now on, every time I go shopping, I’m doing so with the motto: “What would Lara Jean wear?”

If you made it to the end of this post, I salute you. Know of any other books/movies with outfits I should try and copy?

To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before: Movie, Book, and 2 Lara Jean Outfits An exciting new review experience in three parts! It's gonna be a long one! It was only a matter of time until I addressed this elephant in the room: I'm a little bit obsessed with…

[keenregine]

In the city that never sleeps

My last entry was 22 days ago and I never thought it would take this long till the next one. So, I'm not gonna swerve into delaying things 'again' like I usually do. Although, 22 days long is already an achievement.

After that Jamon experience, we went ahead and roam around the perimeter. What would a basic tourist want to see on her first day? Probably Alex was asking himself this. I guess, I'll never run out of amusement with how beautiful Madrid is. Like a toddler, I will ask anything unfamiliar and new, reason for its becoming. Grabbing all information I could find. We keep walking and walking until later on, I felt weary and decided to call it a day. I went to my respective temporary home, and even though it was my first night, I fell asleep quite fast. That's new.

I started the next day early. Again, it's not my typical waking hour but I'm just too giddy to get up and about. One of my initial impressions towards the locals are their fascination for dogs. There was never a day I wouldn't see a dog being walked. Average dog count in a day would probably be 10-15. Different breeds here and there, only sad part of the story is I never had the chance to pat or touch a single dog. Not one. I can only admire them from a distance, record a video, and that's the only closest I can get. I was not expecting Alex to be awake that early, so he met me at a park where I was watching dogs like a total psycho. All that was missing was a beret, a dark sunglasses and a trench coat for that ultimate complete look. We went to a pub nearby, yes a pub, opened early in the morning to serve your hangover needs. Then it was my first time to try the tortilla. Far from what I have in mind where tortillas are only limited to wraps. But this kind of tortilla is a total game changer, I could eat it everyday. I don't have a single idea how it's made but based from its appearance, it's basically a thick omelette, served and sliced like cake, depending on the restaurant I guess. The insides were filled with boiled potato cubes, and some minor herbs enough to give its unique flavor. I love anything with eggs, therefore falling for it was not difficult at all. I paired it with a cup of coffee, like any European country, they are not really fond of iced coffees, unless you go to Starbucks, which is another interesting experience. So when the coffee was served, I asked for an ice, what a wimp. After that memorable breakfast, we went home for a short while and arranged to meet up again around afternoon to go to Del Prado Museum, one of my most awaited goal.

Summer in Spain is much like in the Philippines, only there's less judgmental people, or probably none. You can wear pretty much anything of interest and comfort for no one would care. As for me, wearing revealing clothes is my weakest points. I'm too conscious with my flabby arms, legs and tummy. If only there's a way to hide my face because of its chubby features (cheek-wise) then that would be nice. Diego Velasquez is one of my heroes in the Baroque painting categories making it as my top favorite art movement. I can't remember exactly when I first laid my eyes in his truly mesmerizing work, The Las Meninas or The Ladies in Waiting. It was completed during the Spanish Golden Age as an honorable gift or favor to the royal family. Particularly King Philip IV, google is right there for an in-depth background and history. I don't know what made me endlessly struck with this seemingly simple composition, but to me it's like one-of-a-kind impossibly comparable to others. When read closely, it's as if some figures in the painting took notice of you passing by an open door, if that makes sense. Again, google in your fingertips. lol Apart from that first initial perspective, is how cool Diego included himself in the painting, doing the painting, in a painting. Not that he is self-absorbed or anything but what a refreshing concept it is. That's why it earned to be my forever long standing phone wallpaper, even before I haven't had the slightest idea that I would be seeing it in person in a such a short timeframe. In all the museums I went to, (not that many) ,Del Prado is by far the most strict when it comes to taking pictures of paintings, whether with flash or without, it is absolutely restricted. Unlike Louvre, as I mentioned before, the Mona Lisa is packed, not only with people but double that to the amount of cellphones hanging in the air. Which is why I was not totally bothered with this strict rule. Our eyes is more than enough to keep a memory. Try hard as you might but in every corner there are staffs walking around making sure no one takes a god forsaken picture. But I took a couple shots at least, should I hide away now?

Other than The Las Meninas that I've been blabbering about in the last paragraph. There are tons of other paintings I wanted to see. Like Bosch's The Garden of Earthly Delights, Goya's Saturn Devouring his Own Son. Oh Francisco Goya, I'm aware that even if I try to paint, I would never be as good as Diego Velasquez. But if I succeeded at one point, the painter that I aspire to be would be no other Francisco Goya. With him, you can feel the emotions in those brush strokes, strokes man. It's not always in perfect almost 3D clear kind of image (not all, but some) that majority of people would prefer, but when you look at his paintings it always try to evoke a back story, a deep, dark and depressing one. Some Caravaggio's were there: David and Goliath, I try to not to go as crazy because most of his works are in Italy, yes he's Italian. El Greco, Raphael, Rembrandt soon (dropping hints), we've also seen a pair Juan Luna. I was surprised in a low - key manner when we stumbled into a portrait of King Louis IV, the exact same post card of him I had in my room I bought in Versailles. Quarter part of what I love when visiting museums are the souvenir shops. All in every kind, big or small, cheap or expensive. Creative as the paintings go. Although I cannot afford in a thousand years to buy all of those I would still spend some time looking at those. I bought a few to keep, and some for my co-worker.

There is one world famous painter you might think I neglected, the known cubist, Pablo Picasso. He's a loyal-hearted Catalonia, so his own museum is located in Barcelona. I can’t blame him though, Barcelona is a beautiful city for a million reasons, if I was given an opportunity to live there, I’ll never think twice. Plus, it has a memorable and deeper personal meaning for me, which I'll be telling you in an unknown, non-specified future (: But first, Madrid. Soon we will get there.

Countless of other museums are located in Madrid alone, but I only get to see Del Prado, I can't believe that in my whole stay, I didn't get the chance to see the other significant ones like Thyssen-Bornemisza and Reina Sofia which makes the Golden Triangle of Art in Madrid. No worries though, if the universe allows, I would definitely come back. lol.

Outside the museum are those vast green field parks, lots of people hanging out and most pleasing to the eyes are the cute dogs. I needed to get home first because of the souvenirs I'm bringing. A day is not complete without drinking, and that's what we did later that night. The center of Madrid especially at nighttime is so much alive every corner of every street there are restaurants, pubs, pretty much anything you could think of; all genres, themes, nationality or gender specific.

Need to cut this short, my fingers are curling. Adios!