#not that I can afford to do that rn...
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Thinkin about Zelda again. I miss playing; I can't afford new consoles and got kind of burnt out on the games I had, tho. Also I haven't touched the Wii since like, 2015?? Since my room was rearranged, and has since been rearranged a couple more times, albeit slightly. I don't know if the sensor bar works anymore, bc in one of the rearrangements, it was very easy for Lilith to knock the thing off of my TV with her tail by accident (different TV stand + not quite a flat surface + the natural degradation of the adhesive pads on the bar itself). Also I'm a little worried about my remote's chargeable batteries, bc one of them showed signs of corrosion that I never really did anything about? Like, on the little metal bits on the back. I think it's a little bit on the charging cradle, too. I need to get rid of that battery, probably, if I haven't already (and I can't imagine that I have)... I swapped it out with the other battery that came with the cradle, bc I only had the one remote (got the console at the end of its livespan and essentially only have two games for it). Also I stopped using the grippy sleeve that was bought for me bc for one, it made charging the battery impossible while it was on and was a pain in the ass to keep removing; and for two, iirc it was one of the things that Lilith was obsessed with trying to chew on. That last bit isn't really a problem anymore, though.....
#I hate thinking about all the things I need to do that I just Can't on my own bc it stresses me out#but me bringing it up to my mother stresses HER out bc she's got more important shit to do#I still haven't fixed my monitor and I think I've got less than a year left on the extended warranty...#it Works but conditionally. this should not be so. I fear I won't be able to switch desks without fixing/replacing it first#not that I can afford to do that rn...#it's too hot in here. I miss games but I don't know that I have the energy for them anymore.#I wish I had a 3DS; I'm forever salty about missing out on that one#I want to get a used one and hack it naturally. I also want physical games and a charging cord for it#bc for some reason a lot of models didn't have that packed in?? which is DUMB. eugh. not to mention predatory business practice#nintendo has really gone down the fuckin shitter lately. somebody needs to adjust the laws to reign them and people like them in.
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couple goals 🫶
#dragon age#dragon age inquisition#solavellan#lavellan#solas dragon age#alt title: doom upon all the world#but i figured out that couple goals is the better title#i miss them sm#i was gonna do the tarot thing but nah i don’t think my back can afford that effort rn#hey it’s my art
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I HATE tiktok and the Internet in general rn for the obsession with "oh this person's smellyyy" "Brother it STINKS over here" "BOO 💧🧼🧽🚿" and stuff like that. I wish I could put into words how demeaning and patronising that whole idea is and people implying anyone they don't like doesn't wash.
For one there's something grating about being insulted in a manner like we're in nursery again. But also WHY is that the go to insult. Why do you associate these things? Especially to those you deem "chronically online". Like I don't want to sound pathetic but it feels so nasty to me.
is it extreme to say this feels tied to ableism? And classism too?
#“take a shower” me sitting here with depression and no will to even move rn. That doesnt make me feel worse or anything#dry to wet change is also evil. and i get decision paralysis a lot and just struggle to motivate myself to do basic human tasks#and thats just me#what about the people with physical disabilities that struggle to find the energy and strength to do these things#And also like environmental factors too?#like kids can be unhygienic cause they arent being cared for and learning properly#people with learning disabilities and neurodiversity too may struggle with not being taught properly as its a “basic thing everyone knows”#people are homeless karen.#people cant afford to wash regularly#people grow up or are forced to live in unhygienic places and surrounded by smokers and alcoholics#people who are smokers and alcoholics and generally people with addiction can smell#people with health issues that cause them to sweat more#Like the list goes on#but idk maybe I'm just sensitive#anti anti#profiction#proship#neurodivergent#cringe culture#ableism#classism
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a quick drawing of jackie and shauna 🦋
#yellowjackets#yellowjackets fanart#shauna shipman#jackie taylor#been busy so rn i can only afford to do some quick doodles and drawings 😭#i have some projects on the backburner and it’s driving me mad i’m STILL not done with them#suffering from being tired and gay in a capitalist heteronormative world 😔
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hi lovelies, realized that i did not say it on here before, but i will say it now.
i’m gonna be MIA from this blog for one week. bisan from gaza has called for a worldwide strike from january 21-28 to show support for the palestinians during this horrific genocide. striking involves several things (which i will provide in pics below), including completely abstaining posting on social media unless it is about palestine.
just in the last week, israel murdered over 1000 palestinians. there are no more fully-functioning hospitals in gaza, only 15 semi-functioning ones. the united states government itself has issued a statement saying that it does not believe in a ceasefire.
this is not war. this is not a conflict. this is an ethnic cleansing. this is genocide.
from the river to the sea, palestine will be free. 🇵🇸
#i can’t take time off work right now unfortunately because i quite literally can’t afford it#(especially after my recent time in the hospital)#so i’m doing every little bit that i can#i know this is tumblr and not instagram or twitter but it’s social media and it needs to be done#i’ll be working on my writing while i’m not posting on here but please focus on what’s more important rn#we don’t just want a ceasefire now#we want the end to israel’s terror#we want a free palestine#belle speaks
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#this month has been so rough i’m just living day by day and like maybe i’ll get hit by a bus or something and just take all the problems#i have away please#i just wanna like be able to go to the gym take walks enjoy the world but in order to do that i have to work#and with work i genuinely have zero desire to do anything#and even with work i can barely even afford to live which is super fun#i hate it here#so much#like im not joking that playing lads is helping my mental health so much right now im literally put together rn with like#glue and rubber bands
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had to stop taking the new adhd medication but the good news is i can drink coffee and iced tea again
#it's the bright side to every time a medication has failed lol#gotta set up an appointment for alt treatments#pretty sure my insurance doesn't cover counseling and i can't afford it... which is why i've been going for meds#it's one of those things where if i have enough going on in my life i can manage my adhd relatively ok but i'm severely under-stimulated rn#i have too much time on my hands so there's nothing for me to force me to do the things that aren't as interesting as say. fucking around#so the variety of stuff i do keeps narrowing and it just gets worse#so all i really need is a kickstart#which!!!!! if stimulants weren't so hard on my body! would be great!!!#i need structure in my life but setting up structure myself is boring#like yoga is something i LOVE doing but it's still hard to get on the mat even though i used to be able to do it every day#i think that more yoga would definitely help but i don't know how to get myself there#rum.txt
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Btw I ordered my first pair of real heel heels (not boots). Transgenderism incoming
#I mean the transgenderism already came I guess. this is just more of it#or whatever. idk I can’t afford electrolysis rn so this will have to do#maybe I can go to a wedding without wanting to claw my skin off soon 😁
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it's 4:40 am and I'm feeling like shit. trying to convince myself it's just because it's really late and I'm tired and should just sleep, but. I still feel like shit.
so I want to buy something. I want to feel like there's something I can do, something I can control, and buying something is so easy. plus I'll know I'll get a nice thing in the mail.
but we're working on this, so I can't order anything now (literally had to ask my husband to change my ebay password for me because I could not stop myself from buying things there), and it's making my brain so very very upset. it's the nice, easy, comfy thing that I can always do no matter how bad I'm feeling mentally or physically, and now I can't, and it feels very bad. :(
#.. which just makes it more important that I need to work on it#I need to get a job. then we could afford me being absolutely fucking stupid about this.#but rn I don't have one yet and I am so very scared of trying to find onr so no I can't buy useless shit that I don't need#life is too fucking hard someone please just murder me I can't do this#no it's fine it's fine it's always fine. if I can just sleep it'll be better tomorrow#then I'll sleep all day again and wake up and feel like shit because I wasted yet another day and#oh well.#life goes on. and on. and on.#I'm so tired#personal
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thinking about this post i saw the other week where this person was saying how badly they wanted to be able to buy a nice mug without thinking twice about it. and all the comments were saying how they could just buy a cheaper mug. and they were like jesus fucking christ ITS NOT ABOUT THE MUG. because yeah
#i’m so fucking. Exhausted#having to so carefully budget every single dollar#and feeling like a failure if i want to get like. some fancy cookies or something#or a nice blanket#and i am paying back my debt but also taking on more every year#and i personally don’t even feel that bad about it. like as long as i can afford the monthly payments idc#but then i see like three million tiktok/youtube videos shaming people who have less debt than i do#and im like. well ok.#like i am Trying idk what else to say😭#but i don’t want to try this hard like i’m not strong enough#i don’t have the work ethic or desire to scrape every penny into my savings like.#i just want to be able to buy fun things and see my friends#not even like. anything crazy expensive😭#i want to go out to a bar for karaoke without feeling guilty about the drink prices#it’s just. sooooo fucking frustrating and i’m worried it won’t ever end#sorry for the rant i am just spiraling a little bit😭#i’ll probably delete later#like i am Fine and actually doing really well rn#but i am so sick of not being able to afford to eat#and even when i start getting paid i still have to be so so so careful with my money#which i am. historically not good at doing#UGH#sorry😭#will delete#personal
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cat needs to go to the vet again. I am on my hands and knees begging for a break pleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease
#he's been off his food since friday#ive tried him w different brands of wet foods#different foods like tuna and ham etc#he eats a few bites and then stops#he is so hungry he's being so annoying bc he wants food but then wont eat it#i think his teeth are hurting#he has FIV and that can come along w tooth decay which he like definitely has bc he has barely any teeth left#he's been on a soft food diet for a while now which was working really well until Friday#i think his teeth have gotten. worse. which is not good for my boy and also not good for my bank balance#like how do i afford cat dentistry as someone who cant work. the math isnt mathing#he's getting so many cuddles and cat yogurts rn tho i feel so bad for him#there's also the question of if his teeth need pulling is he even strong enough to go under anesthesia#like i said. FIV + he is a senior kitty now#he's my baby boy tho#im so fucking stressed this cat better rally#dogbunni diary log
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Currently craving a new tattoo........ Should look through the tats artists in my town to see if there's one who can do what I'm currently looking for........
#maw's ramble#i only have small ones right now but i am really#craving a bigger one#i've had that idea for a sleeve but don't have enough to afford it rn 😭#i do have money saved SPECIFICALLY for tattoo tho#and with that i think i can afford smth#we'll see......
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i have not drawn them in a hot minute so i figured to revamp them a bit
#my characters#universe the mobian#purp doot#i could've drawn a back view to demonstrate the horror that is the 'spine' but ugh. nah.#they also have a 'true' form but like 1. it's meant to be eldritch and indescribable#and 2. idk if i could pull it off in a way that would do it justice#i do know someone who could but do i look like i can afford to commission ppl rn aksjdha
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sorry to log on n rant but i need to rant
#tbd.#ooc.#cw complaining#ignore the tags if u dont want to see how my life is going shdfhsf#so im doing my masters yeah#and im like. 75% thru#shouldve been done last month#but bc of the year ive had my uni adviser was rlly nice and sorted a way to extend my student status for another year#to get my dissertation done#like i did my 4 essays n now its just dissertation time#n i was supposed to start it now n get booked in with my mentor n stuff but i cant fucking log into the website#bc u need a MFA#and the MFA app my uni uses wont acknowledge me bc i have a different phone bc my phone broke#and a different number bc my phone contract got cut off#so idk what to do lol i cant log in and do anything#ive rang the IT desk for help 59w9er3424234 times#and everytime i get thru to the actual line n im taken off hold .. they hang up on me#idk if its a system error or my phone bc its a shit old one#but i cant do anything#and my universal credit claim got closed#non uk oomfs its a benefits system#n they help u with money to pay bills whether ur looking for work or unfit to work which is what my doctor said i am bc#my mental health and physical health combines to make me a super loser#n he thinks i might try to K word myself if i take too much on at once after eveerything#like i cant even sit and grieve my dad that died not even 6 months ago yet because i have to much shit to fucking do#like i cant afford to liven now#i cant pay my bills. they keep bouncing and coming back worse#i have debt collectors coming @ me#i am stuck in catch 22 man like not even my support workers can help me rn#and im very lucky that i own my own home bc of my car accident when i was 15 lol but everyone is just telling me to sell it
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actual conversation i had with my dental hygienist
hygienist: so what did you study at university?
me: chemistry...
hygienist: damn, no wonder you look so sad!
#this is especially funny now that i got a new job and it has like... barely anything to do with my degree LMAOOOO#mostly bc the job market is rough rn and i kinda need the money more than anything... but damn LOL#and then he proceeded to give me a speech about his own road to becoming a hygienist#how he started in business but then hated it so he started dj-ing#then found that he got bored of it and so he went to med school. but found that too much of a hassle as well#so now hes in dental school and working as a hygienist as he completes his schooling and is NOW debating on changing careers again#and like noah fence to the guy i know he was trying to be encouraging about how 'ur degree shouldnt shackle u to one type of career'#but also his carefree nature is sending alarm bells in my head bc the only ppl who speak like that are people who can Afford#to soul search like that. bc if i knew my parents are there to catch me if my new venture failed#damn i'd do fucking whatever i wanted to as well!! but ofc idk if hes really rich like that#he did have an aura tho. rich people aura. they got a way of talking sometimes... especially western ppl....#ANYWAY.... just wanted to share how i got scalped with my mouth wide open filled with blood thank u for listening to my ted talk#zee talks
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not me realizing what caused my flare up and why it hasnt gotten better 😭😭
#its my SHOES#the insoles r completely trodden down now and causing pain 😭😭😭💀#as if i can afford new ones this late in the sneakers season#i use skechers arch fit bcos theyre literally the only shoes ive tried that doesnt cause me massive pain from feet up to shoulders#and the insoles r done for now (which i feel is silly that i didnt realize sooner)#im looking @ alternative insoles for a lower price since the shoe itself is technically fine. but u cant buy the skechers insoles seperatel#(fuck u capitalism) but spending that kind of money on insoles that might not even work is also p terrifying tbh#ill see what i can do but for now im basically cuffed to the bed whenever i Dont have obligatory engagements with the irl outside world#my brain is sooooo fried i might as well be put in a medically induced coma 😭😭😭#arfids still rly bad too but tbh its easier now that i dont move a bunch? require less sustenance energy 🙃🙃😭#abyways sry for my rant. im holding out nd miss u all so so so much !!!!!!#these r the longest words ive written for a while. im surprised im so coherent rn#nohr.txt
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