#not sure what triggers to tag this so:

[the-amazing-spider-bi]

as it turns out quitting my meds means dreaming about scared, half-gored cats shredding up my thighs while I try to catch them to bring to the vet. so maybe the medication stays ON during hot girl summer

[cubbihue]

Wait why wouldn't Timmy recommend godkids becoming a fairy like I sorta get that it's less food for fairy's or smt and that it's a long process but the way you worded it ( "knowing what he knows no he would never do that or smt) sounded like it was something else, just kinda ominous idk I'm probably just reading too into it

A claimed child must become a fairy, and fairies must have wings and floaty crowny things. To ensure true devotion to the process, the Fairy Council forbids any fairy from helping, interacting, or being near the child throughout the transformation. The child must want to become a fairy for it to be permanent.

This is the third consequence of becoming a fairy.

After going through such an experience, Timmy is very determined that no other child be taken. They say it's the knowledge that makes people go mad, but Timmy argues it's the changes itself that is maddening. He's lucky he had such a strong mental fortitude to withstand it!!

Bitties Series: [Start] > [Previous] > [Next]

[nebuladreamz]

[opal-owl-flight]

Stepping Up. (Part 1)

I wonder how much Neo3 carries on her shoulders, too.

[realbeefman]

stacy is sooo interesting because she's in love with house but knows that they will never ever be able to have a healthy, stable, sane relationship because they're too similar so. she finds house-lite instead and marries him and. essentially moves on with her life! and is successful in this because she's a moderately well-adjusted person!

wilson, in contrast, never manages to escape the inevitable, in spite of his best efforts to find a house-lite of his very own, because he's an absolute fucking freak and ends up glued to house to the bitter. bitter end

[non4ry]

I wonder who I'd be If all these bad things Didn't happen to me

[simelune]

in other news, i recently got a bone marrow biopsy and got diagnosed with MPD !!!!!! so i've been trying to find ways to distract myself until my appointment in november to find out what we do now !!

[sideblogforweirdshit]

Whump Reference Post for Fingernail Removal Torture

 Hi whump writers of Tumblr! I recently made a little introduction post in which I said I’d be making reference posts. This is one I already had typed up, because for some reason this was the first thing I thought of.

There are no images attached, but I’m putting the rest of the post under a readmore since the majority of the content is semi-graphic written description of the how-to’s and wherefore’s and such of fingernail removal torture.

To be clear: I will be going into as much depth as I possibly can without using images. The content of this post will be purely academic. There will be no artistic liberties taken. This post is meant to be as accurate to (and descriptive of) a real-life situation as possible.

I hope some part of this post eventually winds up being a helpful resource for someone!

1) Not as painful as it’s made out to be

-It's painful, but definitely not to the extent it’s shown in movies or whatnot. A lot of the "pain" comes from the shock factor of seeing your body without something it’s always had, as well as the inherent "wrongness" that comes with experiencing a part of your body being removed.

2) There is very very thin film of skin between the fingernail and the finger.

-If one is careful in removing the fingernail by peeling it back slowly, one can preserve this thin piece of skin. -If one pulls the fingernail back quickly and without taking care, this thin film will rip, and the nail will pull away with bits of flesh attached.

3) The flesh under the nail will be vertically striated.

-If one uses the peel-back method, and is careful to not let the thin film of skin between the nail and the flesh rip, the skin/flesh underneath the nail will be as visibly striated as the fingernail itself. If you look closely at your fingernail right now, you’ll see that there are many tiny grooves from the tip of your nail to the base. This is true for all human fingernails. If the nail is peeled back with sufficient care, those striations will be echoed on the skin underneath the nail.

4) The  “peel entirely off” method versus the  "peel back and then stop" method versus the "pull out entirely" method.

-The “peel entirely off” method is how I will refer to the method of grasping firmly the tip of the fingernail in some sort of vice (usually pliers) and then peeling it backwards, moving the pliers from the nail at the tip of the finger towards the hand itself. Using this method, the nail will remain firmly grasped in the pliers the entire time. The movement of the pliers only stops when the base of the nail is ripped entirely out of the finger. This will necessarily result in ripping out a fair bit of skin past the cuticles, as the technical base of the nail (aka “nail matrix”) is generally around half a centimeter hand-wards past the cuticles (and follows the curve of the nail, so is deeper than the cuticles as well). Due to the nature of skin, I would expect a tear reminiscent of an extremely deep hangnail that goes from the base of the cuticles to at least halfway between the first and second knuckle (and at most goes to the second knuckle). In this case, it is not guaranteed that the nail will grow back. There is a chance it’ll come back, but there is also a chance that the nail matrix is permanently damaged and will not be able to grow a new nail. Since every human is different, there’s not an exact science to determining where a person’s nail matrix is before it’s ripped out. A (very) general rule of thumb is to follow the curve of the existing fingernail, and draw a point on that curve before it hits bone. Obviously, this is extremely subjective.

-The “peel back and then stop” method is how I will refer to what is essentially the previous method, but one stops before the nail-ripping goes past the cuticle and snips off the peeled part, leaving a milimeter or so of fingernail existing on the nailbed. In this case, it is assured that the nail matrix is undisturbed, and the fingernail will grow back. This is the method I will assume is taken for the future steps

-The “pull out entirely” method is how I will refer to the situation where one grasps the protruding part of the nail firmly, and applies force away from the hand and in the direction the finger points. In this case, there’s a large chance that the nail will rip. This depends largely on the care taken with the pulling object (pliers, usually) to grab the nail exactly parallel with the sides of the pliers. If any part of the pliers digs into the nail at a singular location, this will create a point at which pressure will build up, and the nail will likely rip at this location. The strength of the individual’s nails also affects the ripping. The individual’s nail strength can vary based on nourishment as well as on a general person-to-person basis. Personally, I do not recommend this method.

-If one wants to make the removal definitely permanent, there’s the possibility of peeling it back all the way down and out, and then chemically burning where one assumes the nail matrix is. (Some serious irl hikers do this to their toenails on purpose, to reduce the chances of getting ingrown toenails from being laced into hiking boots for days on end.) Removing the nail permanently will obviously reduce the opportunity to peel it off again, but will give a permanent Horrific Aspect to the victim.

5) For the first three days, the exposed flesh will be painful.

-The entire tip of the finger will be a constant deep and throbbing pain. Any deviation from this norm will be an increase in pain, never a decrease (save medication or an ice-bath-for-full-minutes immersion to the point of numbness).

-Any contact with the exposed nailbed will increase the pain. Knocking the exposed flesh against anything, even extremely gently, will result in a visible bright red welt under the thin layer of skin (bright red on light skin only! on darker skin, the welt will still be visible, but will show as a dark red-brown). It is a visual similar to an extremely tiny, non-protruding blood blister. Knocking the nailbed against something less gently will result in fully scraping off that delicate outer layer of skin.

-Using the finger for anything will be painful (though not unbearably so), and it may even be painful to bend the finger at all.

-Any moisture on the exposed flesh (including anything from regular water to antibiotic ointment) will hurt a lot. This will intensify the throbbing at least twofold across the entire nailbed, and will also result in an amount of stinging as if one had just realized one had been stung by a bee.

6) For treatment and healing thereof (if quick healing is desired)

For those first three days, any bandaid application is inadvisable -The exposed flesh will be so tender and vulnerable that any bandaid (even the non-stick kind) will stick to the exposed flesh and rip it upon removal. I can only assume this is in part due to the curvature of the finger, which means that any wrapping-around type bandaid will inherently put pressure on the nailbed, resulting in sticking.

-To promote healing, the first three days should be without any sort of covering on the wound.

After the first three days, a scab will form. -At this point, the pain will be much less. it might be uncomfortable to bump the nailbed into objects, but it will not be the same pain as in the first three days.

-The wound will also be much less sensitive to moisture.

-When the scab starts to crack (usually a vertical crack), one should apply antibiotic ointment and a bandaid. At this point in the proess, it is desired for the scab to remain as consistently moist as possibly. This will help the scab fall off when it is ready to do so.

-At this point, the finger can be used normally (within reason) without much (if any) pain.

After two or three days with the bandaid covering, the scab will start to fall off.

-One may expedite this process if one is careful.

-At this point, the skin on the nailbed is sensitive to the touch, but not to the point of pain.

-There will be some dry, loose skin around the edges of the nailbed.

-The previously visible striation will no longer be there.

-Pressure on the exposed nailbed will not be necessarily painful, but it will feel decidedly Odd. Though not painful, It will be an extremely sensitive area.

-The nailbed will be a delicate pinkish color.

Around a week after the initial scab falls off, there will appear to be another scab. It will be a relatively thin layer of dry, dead skin.

-If the nail is allowed to grow normally, it is likely that it will cover this second scab before it has the chance to fall off.

-If the stub of the fingernail is trimmed routinely, it is possible for the scab to fall off, leaving only relatively smooth unblemished skin where the nailbed is. This skin will be roughly the same color and texture as the skin on the tip of the finger. 

7) The rate at which fingernails grow back is extremely slow

-The average growth rate is about 3.5 milimeters per month. There are several factors that can cause this to vary:

-Fingernails on the dominant hand grow back faster than the nails on the non-dominant hand.

-Fingernails grow back faster than toenails.

-Nails grow back faster in warm weather than in cold weather.

-Depending on the nail and the aforementioned conditions, one can expect a total regrowth time of anywhere from three to six months (or more).

8) Life Without Fingernails

-Fingernails affect a large part of our everyday lives. We mostly use them when we’re manipulating objects with our hands, and we use them to scratch. It doesn’t seem like a lot, but it’s a lot. It’s hard to explain just how weird it is to not have fingernails to someone who’s never experienced it, but here goes:

-Fingernails are the Hard Backs used to brace our fingers against a hard shell when we manipulate something with our hands. If you pinch your fingers together right now, you’ll see a white band along the top of your fingernail. This is where the pressure from the pinching goes; it’s braced against your nail.

-Picking something up without fingernails feels extremely odd the first few hundred times you do it. It takes a long time to get used to it.

-Writing is even worse. Without the hard shell backing your fingers, the pencil tends to slip out of your grip more often. If you usually have long enough fingernails that you balance your pen/pencil on them, you’re extremely likely to have the pencil completely slip out of your grip multiple times a sentence.

-You don’t realize how much you unconsciously scratch itchy parts of your body until you no longer have the ability to do so. If you’re only missing a few nails, you have to consciously adjust your hand so that you can scratch with the existing ones. If you’re missing all of them, you have to actively find an external object to alleviate the itch.

Some places on the body one can scratch with their teeth, but for most places, one needs to either find an “itch stick,” or rub that part of their body on something scratchy. A lot of clothing is scratchy enough to work for this. One needs to learn how to vary the pressure so that one can alleviate the itch without tearing through the skin or scratching themselves.

Pros:

-Body horror

Fingernail removal is a more mentally significant mutilation than cuts or burns, if only because it draws on the "that was there and now it's not" aspect of body horror.

-Can be inflicted more than once

Since fingernails grow back, they can be removed again and again and again. Though it may take some time for the nails to regrow, it isn't even close to the type of permanent that’s chopping off a finger or a toe.

-Helplessness

Since it takes a few days for the nailbeds to heal enough to be able to use one's fingers, a complete removal of all fingernails will take away one's ability to use their hands. Even after this initial period of extreme sensitivity, the lack of fingernails is something most people aren’t prepared for. The previous section explaining how fingernails affect daily life is significant here.

 Cons:

-Can’t repeat often.

Once a fingernail is off, it's not coming back for at least three months (likely longer). It doesn't have the relatively quick reset time that burns or cuts do.

-Relatively short amount of time in pain

All of the pain is in the first few days. It is inconvenient afterwards, but there is little to no pain at this time.

-Amount of care needed

One needs to be relatively careful inflicting this. Fingernails are not as resilient as you'd think, and the likelihood of them ripping before you can finish ripping them off is fairly large if you're not being careful.

If you have a short-tempered or impatient whumper, this might not be their particular wheelhouse.

 Conclusion

Overall, I’d say that the effectiveness depends entirely on the desired result. The time it takes for the fingernails to regrow versus the amount of time in which the subject is in pain is not a very productive ratio, so if you’d want your whumper doing a particular torture regularly, I wouldn’t recommend this.

However, if the whumper’s goal is to appeal to the body horror aspect without permanent damage, this is a great option. The fact that it takes nails so long to regrow gives the victim a sense of horrified freakishness. It also has the added benefit of reducing the victim’s maneuverability far after the fact.

The semi-visible nature of this method of torture can be effective if one wishes to horrify characters outside the whumper/whumpee relationship. You don’t immediately look at other people’s hands when you meet them, and as such it might take a while for outside characters to notice the lack of fingernails (especially if they’re past the three day mark). But once they notice, it will be hard to look away.

[mychlapci]

Dude the mommy kink now has a fucking choke hold on me.

Ratchet letting Drift spike warm him and bury his face in hit titties, telling him to drink and make sure to not waste a drop of mommy's milk, Drift doing as he's told and leaving many, many marks on his mommy's titties until he's pinned down and fucked into, Drift chestplates are off and his semi smaller titties and pressed against his mommy's

Ratchet fucking Drift silly and all Drift is moaning is how good his mommy is making him.

mommy kink dratchet is something i’ve indulged in before, I just fucking adore it so much. I'd imagine it’s a kink Drift roped Ratchet into experimenting with and it turned out that they’re both actually very, very into it. 

Drift on his knees for Ratchet, eating his mommy out until he feels the lubricants gush onto his tongue, swallowing obediently. Drift riding his mommy’s lap until his poor valve is aching from all the overloads, but his mommy’s telling him what a good boy he’s being, telling to just keep going, just for a while, until mommy’s spike is all spent <3 

Drift with his spike buried deep inside Ratchet’s valve, not allowed to move until he drinks mommy’s titties dry. And you know Ratchet’s hiding big refineries underneath that chest-plate, poor Drift’s fuel tank is gonna ache by the time he’s allowed to start moving his hips, crying for his mommy while milky energon drips down his chin...

[crimeronan]

hello other people with chronic pain/illness. what do you do when your hobbies all make you agitated and upset and in more pain but you also can't sleep. this is a legitimate query i will accept any answers. thank u.

[kylejsugarman]

I don't ask this to be voyeuristic or anything, but do you think that Jesse was SA'd in captivity? The Nazis obviously liked to torture and humiliate him purely for sadistic reasons, I don't see them drawing a line on that. And if you also believe that, how do you think it would effect him on recovery in Alaska? I can see him developing not maybe an outright fear, but certainly an unease about being around only men.

ive had this ask in my inbox for a long time now, not because i find it offensive or anything but because i genuinely dont have a good answer for it. like do i find it realistic and definitely plausible given the onscreen and implied torture and the nazis' intensely dehumanizing treatment of jesse?? of course, and i totally understand why its such a widely accepted ""headcanon"" (i genuinely dont think ive read an aftermath fic that doesnt at least allude to sexual abuse being part of jesse's time in captivity). and for the most part this potential aspect of his enslavement is treated with gravitas and respect, at least in this corner of the "fandom", but part of me always withdraws a little when it comes to talking about this possibility because of how much of a joke it became. throughout the show, jesse is treated the same way that female characters are treated by the main male characters. he is a femme fatale, he is the helen of troy, he is the other woman. and he's maligned, abused, and uniquely exploited by the male characters for these "feminine" traits. i think for some people, this reading of his character became so prominent that they automatically presumed that jesse would be sexually terrorized by the nazis in the same way that u would assume that a vulnerable young woman kidnapped by a gang of cruel, sadistic men would be brutalized. this makes sense in the context of the story, its themes, and his characters, but some of the interpretations of this "offscreen plot point" just make me squirm. there are the people who make straight-up jokes about it, particularly about todd and his weird chummy possessiveness of jesse; these range from flat-out homophobic to just weirdly romantic, and it always sucks to see tbh. and some people don't really Joke about it and do treat it with some sobriety, but they present it as a like. Necessary component of jesse's story. like it wasn't enough that jesse was physically, emotionally, and psychologically tortured, he needed to Also be sexually tortured to fully atone for his transgressions during the show and earn his "happy" ending. there's this attitude that jesse needed to experience the absolute peak of suffering and be completely dehumanized in every sense of the word to "deserve" to escape and survive, or else he didn't "learn his lesson". people usually don't State this sentiment outright, but it is deeply implied in a lot of discussion of the presumed sexual assault and it really disturbs me. why is sexual torture, particularly sodomy (which is almost always the described method of torture), the most "dehumanizing" of the abuse catalogued and why does jesse have to pass this set rubicon of suffering to earn our sympathy and a second chance??

none of this is to say that believing or speculating that jesse was sexually abused in captivity is wrong or bad or like morally dubious at all. when push comes to shove, i think he probably was, but it's just not something that i personally want to discuss at length the same way i do his emotional or physical traumas because of personal experiences. and this being my response to ur ask is also in no way me condemning it or u for sending it: i really appreciate u asking in a respectful manner and genuinely just wanting to talk about this aspect of jesse's experience as it relates to his recovery. i think since i didnt feel comfortable answering ur questions on a character analysis level, i just used this opportunity to vent some frustrations about the overall presentation and perception of this specific thing. but for real, thanks for the ask and i hope my points here come across!!

[youredreamingofroo]

Can you Stop reblogging posts with Nudity. I hate seeing asses on My Dash. Thanks.

no :)

if you don't like seeing posts w nudity;

1) unfollow me.

2) utilize the filter tag system. My tw tagging system is labeled in my navi/intro post. if the filtering doesn't work, tell me to tag a post and/or see #1 sjdjejd

[appleandaria]

I was just keeping to myself the whole day and saw this happen looking at a post…

I thought they were boosted but noooo they're actually trending.

[aetherose]

Layla's Transcendence

Punishing: Gray Raven Chapter 12 spoilers

Pain.

Unending, searing pain that overwhelmed her sensors, but for fear of suffering M.I.N.D. deviation and falling to the Virus sooner, she did not dare turn off her pain receptors.

Is this what all Corrupted go through in the process of losing themselves to the Virus? Or was it her persistence to live what made it all the worse for her? Or perhaps, this was just the result of her wounds.

It wasn't the first time she'd experienced infection from the Punishing Virus. As a human, it was the reason she had been dying, and had to be taken by Babylonia to become a Construct to save her life. Yet, that felt tame in comparison to now.

Likely because she was becoming Corrupted, and she knew it. That's why she had fled to the edge of Kowloong now. She was afraid of the possibility of becoming a Corrupted, but she was even more terrified of hurting her friends. Liv, Lee, the Commandant...Lucia, if she still lives.

(No, she has to survive. She has to. She will. Right...?)

How ridiculous is that? She wants to protect her friends from herself, but she doesn't dare step near any of the other squads to beg them to end her life. Because she's scared of death. But becoming a Corrupted is a worse fate than death, isn't it?

Yet, here she was, inching her way forward through sheer will to survive, even knowing her time was limited.

It's so stupid. She's always been stupid, though. She's a foolish girl who's killed, maimed, stolen, and more to survive, in spite of knowing how little right she really has.

And now because she's afraid of death, she is trying to fight off Corruption rather than ask for a quicker, much better end to her misery that'd guarantee she'd hurt no one.

Death is a fate she deserves, she knows it, yet she runs from it. Perhaps becoming a Corrupted is a more fitting end, all things considered, however.

It doesn't matter now. She's so far from the main scene of the ongoing fight in Kowloong she doubts there's a soul around now to end her even if she wanted it. And she's not sure she has enough time left to inch her way back to find someone.

Her fate is sealed, but she still persists.

She keeps limping forward. It's a wonder she can even walk, frankly, even if just barely in her current state. Her legs suffered the most when she found herself assaulted by Corrupted. Clawing all over her, leaving her now with faint electric sparks occasionally flickering from the now-visible machinery beneath the synthetic skin due to her wounds.

But her whole body is a wreck, not just her legs. Crimson vital fluid covers her all over, leaking from her wounds and seeping into her clothes, and she leaves a faint trail of vital fluid in her wake. Her sword was missing half its blade now, but she still clung to it for dear life. She knows if anything attacked her right now, she'd likely stand no chance, and yet here she was, gripping onto it.

It was the sword she'd been using for years now. A sword she'd taken so many lives with. Corrupted, humans, Mechanoids, and Constructs alike. None were spared, all were executed by Babylonia's orders, or were felled for her own survival.

The utter guilt she'd felt for it had threatened to drown her on numerous occasions. And in her dying state, it slithered back from where it always lingered in the back of her mind to the forefront.

Guilt. They say that's the emotion one must have if one wishes to redeem themself for their sins. But with how many sins she carries with her every second of every hour of every day of her now eternal life as a Construct, can you say she is redeemable?

Every life was an individual. No matter how many times she says she's sorry and no matter why she took that life, she still took it. It doesn't matter if she had to for survival, or under orders, or for war, or whatever else. She took so many lives, and ruined many others.

She is not the only one who suffers in this world. So many others suffer like her. She's seen it with her own eyes so many times. She is just another soul crushed under the ever-turning wheel that continues beyond her to crush thousands more as the apocalypse rages on.

('Isn't it detestable? The way that humans brought this onto themselves, and continue to hurt their own kind because of it?')

Layla freezes as she hears that voice in her M.I.N.D. She at first looks around her, to try to find a person nearby who spoke, but she knows, in truth, there is no one at all nearby on the edge of this ancient, deserted city.

Is she hearing things now? Is this also what Corrupted go through?

('No, only a handful even get to hear this voice.') It states simply, seemingly a little amused at her confusion. ('Your will to persist is admirable, you see. But you cling to things as pointless as compassion. You find a way to feel sympathy for so many around you, and then beat yourself up about what you have to do to live.')

'Because they've suffered just like I have. Because they don't deserve what I do to them. I'm...an awful person.' She answers within her M.I.N.D. to the voice, and it seems to click its tongue.

('Oh, how very cute. But you know deep down they don't deserve it. Humans aren't beings to sympathize with. They're the ones who put you into this position in the first place out of their own senseless hatred. Don't you remember your mother?')

Layla's mother...she remembers her very well. Complicated emotions fill Layla as she finds herself leaning against a nearby wall, as memories filled her M.I.N.D.

('Don't you remember how much you tried to earn her love? The way she always looked at you, a small child, with contempt every time? All because of reasons you couldn't, and still don't fully understand. And not even just her, but your whole family looked at you the same way.')

She remembers it like it was yesterday. Each day before she was 11 years old, she would always go up to her mother and try to talk to her through pen and paper, ever since she learned to write. Each time, her mother would only briefly glance at it, before telling her to leave her alone. Sometimes she hit her if Layla persisted further.

Layla's relatives only humored her presence to ask her to do things for them, before shooing her away. Or worse, they too looked at her with hatred and refused to let her near them.

Even her younger cousins avoided her because of their parents' warnings. She held onto hope for so long, in spite of how painful it was. How lonely it was.

But in the end, she soon snapped, and burned her estate and family to the ground when she was 11, out of a childish wish for the pain to just end.

('Do you regret it?') The voice asked as the memory came to mind, and she hesitates to answer. The voice speaks before she can think of any response.

('Don't regret it. They deserved it, Layla. They deserved it. Humans are all the same. All because they thought you a defective child, they never gave you love or kindness, and used you for their own ends. You should hate them.') Yet why doesn't she? Why doesn't she fully hate them?

...That's right. Because some part of her still wonders if there's something truly that twisted and ugly in her, that made them not love her. Maybe she was defective in a way she couldn't understand.

('You aren't. No, perhaps the defective ones are in fact humans themselves. Think about it. Look back on all your memories after that fire you caused. How many times have you had to suck up to those with power to live? How many other times have you begged for food or shelter and been denied? How many times have you had to fight off those who tried to steal your supplies? How many times have you been used and been betrayed by those who did accept your request for help?')

Layla grits her teeth at the voice's words. 'But I was just as bad.'

('They were the ones who hurt you first.')

'But that doesn't make me any better.'

('You just wanted to survive.')

'So did they.'

('But how can you be sure they were truly people just as hurt by the world as you are? And even then...why should you care? Humans only worsen this world. They are a pestilence. They hurt you. They've hurt each other. All for power, or even pettiness, spite...and you know they treat Constructs even worse. Former humans who became machines to help save the world, treated as nothing more than tools...like yourself. And even they are not all pure-hearted, for they came from humans, even if they are now machines.') Layla goes silent, and the voice merely continues on.

('You could change this world, if only you accept the truth, and discard that compassion of yours. You could make a world that would accept you, you who they used, betrayed, and threw out like trash. Embrace your hatred, and turn it into the strength to destroy and remake this world.')

For a moment, for just a small moment, Layla thinks about it. Oh, wouldn't it be wonderful, to embrace her anger and hate, to destroy and remake this world that hurt her so badly? To make a world that'd accept her, a better world for everyone, without the lying, hypocritical humans that only hurt this world worse within it?

It'd be so easy to let go. It'd be so, so easy, to take that step and let herself fall into the depths of enmity. Some part of her wants to. The hurt, resentful child that burned down her home and family in her perhaps would accept it. That child remains in her heart, and now wants her to accept this voice's offer.

But then, more memories comes to her M.I.N.D.

Several years ago, when Layla was still in training after becoming a Construct, she'd already become an outcast amongst Babylonia. She struggled to speak in spite of now having a functioning voice module (even now she struggles, and prefers sign language and handwriting). She was the weird mute girl; an easy target for harassment.

Other Construct trainees would take advantage of the fact she struggled to talk back and ganged up, saying cruel words, one day, escalated to become physical, because no one was looking, and she couldn't cry out for help.

Layla had cowered in the corner and braced herself for what was about to come, but instead, heard the sounds of her tormentors themselves crying out in pain. And before she knew it, they were all on the ground, groaning and moaning in agony.

A woman with red eyes and black hair stood over them, gaze piercing as the Constructs looked up at her. They soon fled, and the woman reached out her hand and helped Layla up, confirmed she was alright, and then simply walked off.

It was the first time anyone had bothered to help Layla, without asking anything in return. Let alone, Layla quickly realized the one who helped her was Lucia, the Captain of Gray Raven, an elite squad highly admired by many. Why would someone like that help Layla and then ask for nothing in return? Layla went up to ask her later, and all she had to say on the matter was simply...

"What would I need from you?"

It left Layla dumbfounded. Lucia even knew her name beforehand, and before either of them knew it, they ended up becoming fast friends. Best friends, in fact. And for Layla, Lucia was her very first friend. Layla would later be assigned to Purifying Force, and became one of Nikola's personal practical attack dogs, but despite her displeasure at her position, how she resented Babylonia, she found Lucia made it all so much more bearable.

And then Gray Raven was wiped out, and Lucia Recalled, sustaining memory loss in the process. And for a time, Layla was bereaved. Because she knew the Lucia in front of her...wasn't just Lucia with memory loss.

No, she had a feeling...she was a whole other Lucia in the first place. Not like she could confirm anything; Babylonia made it difficult even for Purifying Force to get their hands on such classified files.

Regardless, Layla still mourned the Lucia she lost, whether it was a whole other one, or the old self of the current one. But then she was moved to the new Gray Raven, and found herself growing close to Lucia again.

And then this battle in Kowloong began, and it turned out Layla was right, and that...Alpha of the Ascendants was the original Lucia. But how? Why would she become this? She was so...different now, and she hated the other Lucia so much too, for being a clone.

But...she was still Lucia, too.

Both of them were. Both of them were kind to her. And in Babylonia, thanks to them, she started to open herself more to others. She made several friends. She can't simply ignore the good people she's met. She resents this world, and a level of misanthropy still exists in her.

But she cannot simply accept this voice's proposal, that asked her to embrace a hatred of all humans, of this whole world, and tear it all down to remake it anew, when this world wasn't black and white in such a way. There was bad...a lot of bad...but then, there was also...so much good.

Like Lucia. Like Alpha. Like Liv. Like Lee. Like Commandant.

She found her knees were about to give out as she came to this conclusion, and the pain she'd started growing able to ignore seemed to suddenly increase now, but she still persisted, as she responded to the voice in her M.I.N.D.

'...I will have to reject your offer. This world...is a flawed place, yes. But...I can't just ignore how many good people I've met here.'

The voice seemed slightly taken aback by her answer...and then started to become hostile. ('If you don't accept my offer, you will cease to be yourself, and become a Corrupted.')

'...But if I accept your offer, I will have to tear asunder this whole world. You...just want to make me a puppet of destruction. You just want to use me...like all the others, don't you?'

('No, I'm offering you the chance to make a world where no one is used again. I'm offering you power. To save your life.')

'...I know manipulation when I hear it. I can't believe I almost accepted your offer...'

('You'll regret this choice as you lose all sense of who you are and become a mindless monster.')

'...I'd rather that than to become a real monster. Real monsters aren't the mindless ones...it's the ones who have minds and still do what they do with no remorse, no restraint, without necessity...'

The voice doesn't respond. Layla is alone within her own M.I.N.D. again. She finds her knees at last give out, and she collapses onto the ground, broken sword falling from her hand as warnings fill her ears.

The Punishing Virus Corruption she's suffering is at critical levels. Soon, she won't be herself anymore. It's a practical miracle she's survived this long through sheer force of will.

Countless thoughts race through her mind. Some part of her does regret rejecting the voice's offer. But at the same time, another part of her doesn't.

Maybe it's arrogance leading her to think she has even a chance of success at this, but she won't just give up and accept her fate. No...she can't die here. Lucia...Alpha...she wants to reunite with them both. She wants to make sure Lucia is alright. And she wants to understand why Alpha became this way.

Layla begins to crawl forward without any thought. Where is she going? She's not sure. No, she's not really trying to reach any destination. Even as her body screams at her in pain, she does this anyways, as an act of defiance against her fate.

She won't turn into a Corrupted. She will survive. She crawls, and crawls, and crawls. She doesn't make it very far with each little push forward. But she keeps crawling.

Warning sounds blare even more at the immensity of the Viral Corruption she's facing, but she pays it no mind. She simply keeps crawling.

She won't die.

She won't become a Corrupted.

She'll see Lucia again.

She'll see Alpha again.

She'll see Liv again.

She'll see Lee again.

She'll see the Commandant again.

She'll live.

By god, she'll live.

And everything goes dark.

"...Layla?"

A familiar voice calls out.

"...Lu...cia?"

No...was that Lucia? Or was it...

She doesn't get the time to finish that thought.

Her body completely shuts down.

Later, in Babylonia...

"We can't find any trace of her. I'm sorry. At this point, it's safe to assume...she's probably dead." Celica hands the sword with a half broken blade to Lucia, the rest of Gray Raven behind her with grieved expressions, all whilst marking down on a casualty report...

'Layla Ceridwen - MIA, assumed KIA in the Battle of Kowloong.'

Afterward, in the Ascendants' base...

"...by all accounts, she shouldn't be alive. But she still lives, by the skin of her teeth...she isn't connected to the Ascension Network either...but she's still..."

A soft voice fills her ears, though it's hard to hear. But she makes out those words, in spite of how awful she feels. She can't move, at first. But after a few moments, she slowly can sit up, prompting the soft voice to gasp.

"...Sis, come and see. She's awake at last."

When she opens her eyes, she sees a dreamlike girl, who appeared just like a dazzling white light...

And a woman in red beside her, rugged and enigmatic looking.

"...Alpha?"

[oddberryshortcake]

To those who may be keeping up, I am going to finish fictober, I’m just behind because I’m busy with my job and various doctor appointments for my issues lol

I’m not gonna bother posting the link to chapters anymore cause I just feel annoying for something that will be 31 chapters. I’ll post the finished one though, should probably be more fun to read all at once.

[tolerateit]

hmmm unfollowing and blocking lots of people