#i genuinely am not sure what to tag this in terms of trigger tags so please let me know if u want it tagged

[kylejsugarman]

I don't ask this to be voyeuristic or anything, but do you think that Jesse was SA'd in captivity? The Nazis obviously liked to torture and humiliate him purely for sadistic reasons, I don't see them drawing a line on that. And if you also believe that, how do you think it would effect him on recovery in Alaska? I can see him developing not maybe an outright fear, but certainly an unease about being around only men.

ive had this ask in my inbox for a long time now, not because i find it offensive or anything but because i genuinely dont have a good answer for it. like do i find it realistic and definitely plausible given the onscreen and implied torture and the nazis' intensely dehumanizing treatment of jesse?? of course, and i totally understand why its such a widely accepted ""headcanon"" (i genuinely dont think ive read an aftermath fic that doesnt at least allude to sexual abuse being part of jesse's time in captivity). and for the most part this potential aspect of his enslavement is treated with gravitas and respect, at least in this corner of the "fandom", but part of me always withdraws a little when it comes to talking about this possibility because of how much of a joke it became. throughout the show, jesse is treated the same way that female characters are treated by the main male characters. he is a femme fatale, he is the helen of troy, he is the other woman. and he's maligned, abused, and uniquely exploited by the male characters for these "feminine" traits. i think for some people, this reading of his character became so prominent that they automatically presumed that jesse would be sexually terrorized by the nazis in the same way that u would assume that a vulnerable young woman kidnapped by a gang of cruel, sadistic men would be brutalized. this makes sense in the context of the story, its themes, and his characters, but some of the interpretations of this "offscreen plot point" just make me squirm. there are the people who make straight-up jokes about it, particularly about todd and his weird chummy possessiveness of jesse; these range from flat-out homophobic to just weirdly romantic, and it always sucks to see tbh. and some people don't really Joke about it and do treat it with some sobriety, but they present it as a like. Necessary component of jesse's story. like it wasn't enough that jesse was physically, emotionally, and psychologically tortured, he needed to Also be sexually tortured to fully atone for his transgressions during the show and earn his "happy" ending. there's this attitude that jesse needed to experience the absolute peak of suffering and be completely dehumanized in every sense of the word to "deserve" to escape and survive, or else he didn't "learn his lesson". people usually don't State this sentiment outright, but it is deeply implied in a lot of discussion of the presumed sexual assault and it really disturbs me. why is sexual torture, particularly sodomy (which is almost always the described method of torture), the most "dehumanizing" of the abuse catalogued and why does jesse have to pass this set rubicon of suffering to earn our sympathy and a second chance??

none of this is to say that believing or speculating that jesse was sexually abused in captivity is wrong or bad or like morally dubious at all. when push comes to shove, i think he probably was, but it's just not something that i personally want to discuss at length the same way i do his emotional or physical traumas because of personal experiences. and this being my response to ur ask is also in no way me condemning it or u for sending it: i really appreciate u asking in a respectful manner and genuinely just wanting to talk about this aspect of jesse's experience as it relates to his recovery. i think since i didnt feel comfortable answering ur questions on a character analysis level, i just used this opportunity to vent some frustrations about the overall presentation and perception of this specific thing. but for real, thanks for the ask and i hope my points here come across!!

[skele-bunny]

Hi everyone! It was brought to my attention there's concerns about things I write and my writing language, so I wanted to address that!

I want to say first and foremost, I heavily encourage people communicating to me and criticism! I don't mind it at all, and I'm perfectly fine explaining certain things, or feedback about what I can change.

I honestly, genuinely appreciate these things being brought to my attention! I never intend to make people uncomfortable, and if there's a way to change and fix that, I'll do it.

The term "newborn".

So, I was informed that me using the term "newborn" for ghouls made some very uncomfortable especially in nsfw settings. I totally get that, and I hear you! I'll avoid using the term. I had begun using the title as it was not only a source thing for my system, but a way for me to associate new ghouls separately.

I may start using the term in the far future but strictly for fluff purposes, and it's 1000% retired from sexual situations starting now. Instead, I'll begin using "freshly/newly summoned." Or a long the lines.

Infantizing Phantom and Aurora.

I'm very aware I write Phantom in a "smaller" way, as my backstory for him includes being dumbed down and secluded from outside things. It was pointed out how he doesn't seem like an adult in certain situations, and I'll now start to mature that mentality up. I take full acknowledgement on how I write Phantom, but it was never intended to make him act/speak like a child or give the implications he was anything but an adult. But I assure, my language revolving around him will start changing.

As for Aurora, that was completely unintentional. I can understand how it may come across as that, and I'll start taking greater care to see my language revolving around them both in situations.

Fetishizing Rape.

I am a dead dove writer, I've made that extremely clear in both my bio and pinned message. However, I have never meant for any of my Ghost writings to come across as this. The only time you may see me going near that would be with my DD fandoms of Boyfriend to Death/The Price of Flesh, that will only and strictly be posted to my AO3. That is the only, only time.

I do write implications and descriptions of sexual assault, yes, but each one I've made sure to tag/trigger warn as much as possible. These instances are never for fetishizing purposes and only explanations of the past, trauma healing, and in other forms of past tense. If I ever write active SA, it won't be in graphic detail, vague, and warned as much as possible.

Majority of these stories are dedicated to "good endings" of the abuser being killed and the survivor continuing to live on in their own peace, which is catered to my own self and how I want to perceive healing. There's been a few times I've written side "endings" where this doesn't happen, and it's strictly for writing purposes and never delved deep into description. Like a one and done situation, and not what I take as my own canon.

I really hope I was able to clear a majority of these things and explain my thought process. I did not purposely intend for any of these to come across wrongly or as fetishizing purposes. I assure that my terminology and writing habits will be double checked and changed to accommodate to make sure these incidents don't happen again.

If you feel like I need to adjust something or explain, I heavily encourage communicating to me wether as an anon or messages! I am always open to feedback, and I want to make my writing space comfortable for everyone to read and interact with. 🩷

[crush3dmary]

A public explanation of why I will not be tagging Philosophy with dead dove, do not eat:

So this has been on my radar for a while now, between me debating whether to add the tag, especially with the increase in violence in the last few chapters, and someone outright suggesting it to me recently. I've given it a lot of thought, and here is where those thoughts have ended up.

So, anyone well versed in fandom is well aware that dead dove: do not eat is just a way to say "heed the tags, because I mean it". I know this, and most avid writers know this, but unfortunately there are certain connotations to that term that I don't feel comfortable applying to my fic. Because, by its strictest defition, yes, it IS a dead dove fic. I am very serious when I say it contains violence, sexual content with occasionally dubious consent, and other content that people might find disturbing. I do want people to understand that when they see my tags and the warnings in my author's notes.

However, DDDNE has, objectively, also been sort of co-opted by the average fandomgoer to mean "this is a fucked up fic, it is extremely explicit and is meant to display gore and sex in ways that romanticize this kind of content". As much as I and anyone who has been around for a while knows that's not what the tag means, the reality is, that's what most laypeople think when they see it.

That is objectively the connotation a DDDNE tag carries, and I think looking at the optics of that is important. That's why I've decided I'm not going to use it. Philosophy, at the end of the day, is not a fic about gore and sex. It's a study of Ryou's declining mindset and descent into Zorc's corruption. It does contain sex and violence, but they are used as narrative tools to further the story. The story is not ABOUT the content warnings, it contains them to further the narrative, and that's where I think there's a discrepancy between the optics of a DDDNE tag and what the fic is actually about. The idea of people looking at my fic and thinking "guro porn that's shocking for the sake of being edgy" genuinely upsets me, regardless of what I think of that kind of content (I enjoy it, I do seek it out on occasion), and it upsets me because I feel like my story being seen through that lens is a huge disservice to what I'm trying to do with it.

Yes, my fic does contain questionable content, and I won't deny that, but it's absolutely not a fic that's specifically about sex and violence. Those are simply tools I am using to tell the story from the perspective of a teenage boy with debilitating OCD who is being strung along by yugioh Satan to essentially destroy the world. And yes, there are very disturbing scenes (some people didn't like the belt scene, though it's actually one of my favourites, and I'll admit the scene at the end of ch13-Bark like a God was intense on the violence even for me) but the disturbing scenes are meant to add to the character study rather than for the sake of shock value or anything of the like.

So, I've decided that based on those optics, it's not the right tag for this fic. However, in the interest of making sure nobody gets genuinely upset by the graphic content or feels like it's been sprung on them, I HAVE added the tag "exactly what it says on the tin" which has essentially the same intent as DDDNE without the connotations. I also a few months back added "the dove is not quite dead, but it sure isn't walking or flying" to the initial authors note in chapter 1, mostly because I saw that on twitter and thought it was funny, but it does help emphasize what you can expect when you start reading the fic. Just in general I might go back and assess my author's notes and skip lines on my next reread to make sure everything is accurate and there are no discrepancies. It's going to be impossible to tag for everything that could possibly trigger someone, and I've been trying to be very clear with the direction this fic is heading, but at least I can potentially stop people from being blindsided.

Anyways, that's my story and I'm sticking to it. Time for bed.

[anti-endo-safe-space]

You know what I really hate? When endos and pro endos will say "No you don't know what endos are. This is what they're saying. They're not claiming to have DID." while their community does include endogenic DID and a bunch of other shit.

If you actually list what they say, but you're an anti endo, they'll tell you that you've got it wrong. That no one does that. And my autistic brain can't tell if it's people genuinely not knowing that yes, they do or if it's just pure manipulation.

Endos trigger our lack of reality so much when it comes to syscourse. It makes us have no idea what's real and makes us feel like nothing makes sense. Because everything the endo community says is so contradictory. If they're not claiming to be disordered, why are they using our terms and in our spaces? Oh for the endos that are disordered? Well that should be for them then. Not for every single endo. Oh because society will see us all as the same? Doesn't matter. People can still have individual communities regardless of what the world will think of them.

Everything we have seen is contradictory. "Nobody does that" "Nobody says that." Endos that specifically engage in syscourse are the worst ones by far. I've got a few endo mutuals and like, whatever. They're chill. Stick to their own interests. They got their own thing going on and it's not like we're close or anything. I'm not triggered by them so like, let em live. Cause they're just people with their own thing going on, they're not actively spreading harm. I personally am apathetic towards endos if they're not total dick bags or actively harming others. Cause I know people fall into that community and I, a stranger that can barely form sentences sometimes, is not gonna be the one to change their mind. So for my mutuals, it's like eh, whatever. Personally for me.

But then the endos I encounter in did tags and especially the ones in anti endo spaces that try to take tags or participate in syscourse are some of the most unpleasant people ever. They're aggressive, they'll use their experiences to justify being terrible to anti endos (regardless of if that person has done anything or not), they'll completely dehumanize anti endos.

But back to my main point. Endos really just don't care. You can quote them and they'll just deny it. Cause honestly the community is built on an entirety of confusion. Not even they seem to understand what the community is like. And I get a community has nuances and subcomminities and stuff, but like. Wow. There is just...so much hypocrisy and contradictory stuff. And if an anti endo describes the community, it is always met "no that's not what they're saying" even when...I have seen endos describe it like that.

Endos make our brain hurt. We are not very smart personally, but still try our best. We still could not explain what an endo is because the definition seems to have so many "oh but also this" to it. And for saying they claim not to have a disorder or have cdd or whatever, they sure do love forcing space. And if we are against it then that means we are bigots and terrible monstrous people. As if. Trauma victims must be perfectly good and kind and accepting. Regardless of endos, trauma victims are allowed have boundaries and to be not always respond with kindness. Trauma fucks people up. Of course anti endos are going to be dicks sometimes. And even then, a lot of them tend to be extremely fair and try to be patient. But that patience is worn thin and then endos will use it to try to act like every anti endo terrible person. There is no winning really. It's exhausting.

Hey, taking paragraph by paragraph to help us follow it and not be confusing from us.

Agreed whole heartedly. We've seen a lot of pro endos try and defend endos going "they don't claim to have DID" meanwhile they follow and reblog from endos that say "endoDID" "endoOSDD" and shit. A lot of endos actually DO claim to have DID just without trauma. We've literally seen a blog saying "nontraumagenic DID" like no. You need trauma for that shit.

Saying this from an autistic system, we can't tell either. To us we tend to think they are trying to manipulate and not because they're evil or anything but because they want people to believe their way. It could be they just don't know but, we don't know.

We get that, we have paranoia with lack of reality things, it's why we took a long break from this blog is because it was triggering our paranoia with endos in the ask box and such. Endos are genuinely so confusing because we've seen several people in a single post go "yeah we aren't disordered" and then go and say "it's ableist to not include us in disorder spaces since society see's us the same" like no. Not saying race and systemhood are the same for this analogy but. Society especially in the west treat people from China, Japan, Philippines, Thailand, North Korea, South Korea, Pakistan, Afghanistan, Mongolia, Vietnam, Singapore, Indonesia, Malaysia and pretty much every single other Asian country as the same. Does that mean that they all should get to invade spaces for an Asian country just because they are seen as the same by society? No, that's not okay. How people are seen does NOT define if they should share a space. Do want to make it known, they should not all be seen as the same as every country in the world has different people and should not be seen as the exact same

We've seen a lot of "nobody says that" and "nobody does that" meanwhile we'll see them do that to us. We get that, live and let them live. We don't have any endo mutuals but that's because while yes we are technically anti-endo, we tend to be more endo-apathetic because we don't have the energy or mental state to worry about how bad they are, definitely not to want to fight with them because nothing gets through.

We DEFINITELY get that, especially the using their experiences. We've had one person (not naming names because we are ANTI HARASSMENT) sit there and comment on our posts and send us asks talking about how anti endos are bad because of what happened to their friend. That's like me saying that pro endos are bad just because they've been mean to us. To play devils advocate, we have seen a lot of anti-endos in endo tags doing the same thing.

They really don't seem to. We've seen people literally send them a screenshot of a post they made and they'll deny it was them completely. There is a lot of hypocrisy and contradictory things. And they will just deny it even when it's shown that's what they said.

We get that, they make our brains hurt too. We aren't entirely sure how to respond to this one besides that is one of the truest statements. Trauma victims are NOT always going to be kind, some become rough, some become kind, some change between the two all the time. Boundaries are allowed and patience has it's limit. Just because someone has reached it doesn't mean they're bad or evil. It means they were pushed too far

[ryuichirou]

Replies

We’re back with more replies! Long ones today…

Anonymous asked:

Can you recommend us any tumblrs to follow?

Unfortunately, I can’t recommend any tumblrs either… we don’t even have a feed here, we just drop posts and leave; I am sorry. 😔 It’s easier to check my tl when it’s only my art there lol Once again, read this as an invitation to share your favourite blogs in the comments.

Anonymous asked:

Hello! I'm the anon from the headcanon ask about TreyRidChe and wanted to thank you for answering! I had to dig because for some reason the tag system wasn't working and I was never sure if it got answered until today! Again though as someone who likes TreyRiddle first and foremost (so the bias was perfectly acceptable) I do agree Che'nya would be more a provoker especially from what I've seen in the manga. (It's really in the way Trey was so much more enthralled by Riddle from certain pages.)

I am happy to hear from you again, Anon! And I am very glad that you found the post despite all the issues with the tags… it’s very difficult to find posts on this site sometimes, especially when there are so many of them, and the notifications don’t work all the time either. 😔 (By the way, here is the post that Anon is talking about!)

Also, I completely agree with you, I still think that their dynamic is basically like this. Like I’ve said in the initial post, Che’nya loves Riddle, but doesn’t mind sharing and ultimately wants his friends to be happy, and he knows how hopelessly in love Trey is with Riddle. The manga panels with these three are so pretty and filled with emotions…

Anonymous asked:

Omg I just saw your other reply about not liking ship kids, I'm so sorry if my previous ask made you uncomfortable or something ;;;

-Idia's womb tattoo anon

Anon! No worries whatsoever, this isn’t related to it and you didn’t make us uncomfortable at all. Like I said, there are certain scenarios in which we enjoy the theme, and if it’s dark and/or kinky, the chances of us being on board are always higher. Moreover, your ask is related to a comic that we posted ourselves, so it’s all good – we started it >:3c

What we don’t like is the 100% wholesome and genuine “our baby is kicking, can you feel it?”, “passing out because he’s just found out he’ll be a father” thing. Nothing against it, it’s just not our thing. I’m also just taking my time with a lot of asks because I want to reply properly, but my brain is small and my limit is a couple of replies per day 😔 This is why I am slow…

Thank you for your concern though! And I’ll reply to you in a moment 👀

Anonymous asked:

Random, but since you imagined you don't like pregnancy tropes, does that also count for MPreg? (which stands for male pregnancy)

tbh, MPreg is not my thing, but suddenly remembered that, that’s a thing. This brings me back to the good old days of hetalia cuz this fandom had a LOT of Mpreg going around, lol.

But in a world of magic and such is not impossible? I mean, Malleus did come from an egg, so like, yeah.

Just like I said in a previous reply: it depends on how it’s used. If it’s just a happy family, and the purpose of mpreg in the story is simply to put characters in the scenario in which they are expecting, it’s absolutely not for us; it could even get triggering at times. Even in terms of kinks, sometimes it works well, but sometimes it turns into a massive squick. I can’t even describe it in a way that would be 100% conclusive; it’s a delicate topic, I guess. If it’s more messed up or if there are darker themes involved, it’s much more likely to work, and with mpreg it has a lot of potential to be messed up by definition.

When it comes to possibility and magic, yeah, twst universe gives a lot of opportunities to make mpreg happen! Be it convenient magic, unique reproductive systems of certain species, or even something that simply exists in-universe. It’s funny that you mentioned Malleus because the idea of him being able to lay eggs certainly pops up in our conversations from time to time… the mechanics of that, the implications, the complicated relationship Malleus would have with it and stuff; there is a lot to talk about. (We actually have a kinky comic where he lays an egg and Lilia crushes it, but completely forgot about it... it’s been a while.)

And Azul too, I think we talked about him making Idia carry his eggs at some point. When it’s animalistic like that, it’s much more fun because it’s less real, more weird and a bit gross <3 which automatically makes it hot because Idia would be freaked out the entire time.

So yeah, it all depends, and honestly goes from -100 to 1000 at times lol, so it shouldn’t stop you from sending asks. If the theme is something that we don’t like or have nothing to say about, we’ll just skip it.

(oh god, good ol’ hetalia days! I guess we missed all the mpreg- or just erased it from our memories lol)

Anonymous asked:

have you ever considered Sebek/Leona?.

(you view Sebek as a top and Leona as a bottom so it doesn’t break your no switching rule right?)

Leona would get a kick out of “stealing” Malleus’s little boytoy form him and setting out to do so.

while Sebek the poor naive gullible croc has no idea how even ended up fucking Leona in the first place let alone that it was happening to get under his liege’s skin…

who knows if it even work to piss Malleus off though.

You know Anon, miraculously we did talk about these two in a couple of posts!

What’s interesting about this ship is that Sebek has no idea where to put Leona in his mental scale of important people: he really doesn’t like him, he hates how Leona treats Malleus, but he is also supposed to respect Leona nonetheless (Lilia and Malleus both remind him of that) + doesn’t like being dismissed by Leona for some reason. So if Leona wants to provoke Sebek into sleeping with him somehow, it’d be easier than one might think: Sebek really is gullible… but if he learns about Leona’s motive behind seducing him, he would get so angry and also disappointed in himself that he might actually attack Leona and get in trouble for that lol

Although the thing is, there is a big problem with Leona’s plan: if Sebek is having an active affair with Malleus (= being his little boytoy), it won’t be easy to seduce him. And if Sebek isn’t having an affair with Malleus, Malleus probably wouldn’t care much. So was the croc dick even worth it, Leona?

[eldritch-collective]

[image id: a looping gif of Rain World Gourmand performing a power jump by throwing a spear and rock to get from the right ledge to the left ledge, almost backflipping in the process. end of id.]

Hello there! I wanted to make an anonymous MOGAI and LIOM blog to post stuff whenever I want to and maybe take some requests if I like it a lot!

My pseudo name is Service! If you'd like my pronouns, I use He/They/It/Angel and many other pronouns in general! I am physically and mentally disabled, neurodivergent, and plural. My spoons fluctuate due to being a systemmate within a very active system.

Stuff I'm likely to make for myself are pronouns, genders, plural terms, modifer terms, and bases for edits! I enjoy coining, flag designing, icons, emoji edits, and likely other stuff for requests! So that's likely what I end up posting most! I am completely open to whatever SFW to Suggestive and Graphic range in terms of requests and will properly tag. More info below! Feel free to promo!

Let me know if you wish to be untagged! @neopronouns @narcette @genderstarbucks @sugar-and-vice-mogai

I specialise in Fandom, Spiritual, Philosophical, Music, and more terms. I mostly focus on fandom and other special interests and hyperfixations. However, I love doing brutal and bloody terms, flags, and edits!

I have permission to do Traitians, Claseans, Damascean, and Voxus terms made by @flagmeanew (18+), as the mods have said the blog is now inactive.

My tags will be literal (i.e. flags will be labeled as flags) and I will provide image id's! If my id's are not sufficient enough, please let me know! My non-content tag will be "service.exe" and asks tag will be "askservice.exe".

I hold my judgement for the most part with requests, but I will lay out what I won't do! I refuse to do IRL people, Illegal and Unsafe content, Unsanitary, Known Trans/Homo/Queerphobic or other generally Hateful Creator Media, Potentially Dangerous or Harmful terms, and anything I personally do not experience (such as I am white and will not feel comfortable coining terms involving race).

If I decline a request, I'll post it for others to do! If I delete and do not post your request, it is likely because it's triggering for me or not appropriate for my blog.

My goal is to be as open as possible on this blog. Such as I reclaim slurs associated with my experiences. However, I am willing to listen and right my wrongs. I will post possibly triggering media, so please be sure to have any fandom or other media tags blocked already as I will be using fandom tags like "(fandom)" or "(content) tw" after the primary tags.

How I coin is that I often use my own heritage and culture that I grew up with! I usually use a mixture of Latin, Gaelic, and Nordic roots. I can technically do ones that are not ones I'm personally familiar with, but please include the roots you have in mind if you want me to use a different root!

Short QNA-ish to give more basic information: 1. This is a real blog. I am not trolling, making satire, nor creating this to fake my experiences. This is genuine and meant for fun for myself in self expression. 2. I do everything on desktop and use Clip Studio Paint EX, but a good free alternative is GIMP. 3. I may or may not queue as I post immediately after done sometimes or just queue it up when I have multiple ideas. 4. Since I'm sorta new to the community in regards to creating, I will be slow with responding since I have day-to-day things to take care of. 5. I do not have an explicit list for refusals in requests, so please be respectful if I do not do your request. I simply just want to create without restrictions on myself. 6. I do not have a DNI, but I will block if I find you to make me uncomfortable or are found to be against my boundaries. 7. I am okay with my terms being posted on Wikis, just provide credit and link back to me! 8. Spam likes and reblogs are fine! 9. I am all for systems of different origins (such as endogenic and more), mspec people, and have a lot of positive opinions about the communities I wish to participate in, even if not always active! I refuse to be exclusionary without good reason (i.e. I will believe in good faith first and foremost). 10. If I mistag something or you need a tag added, please let me know! I'll correct it as soon as I can! (This goes for incorrect, incomplete, or missing image id's as well!) 11. Gif on this post is from Rain World's Miraheze Wiki on Gourmand's wiki page. Icon is the second fight form of Gabriel from ULTRAKILL on the simplified Breathknightclasean flag. Header and Blog backgrounds are gifs made by industrial---complex on Tumblr. 12. This can and WILL update as time goes on since I am still learning the environment of the community due to having been inactive personally with the community.

[black-salt-cage]

Hello again I am back and I have more questions. Sorry in advance for all of my questions.

I was reading your card-

Do you guys accept cross overs?

If so, what if one of the fandoms isn’t on your whitelist or blacklist?

And what if I provide you with character gifs/stims by link in the ask so all you have to do is copy and paste?

Would you be comfortable tagging kin? What about clicker (isn’t necessary though)?

Do you have a limit on how many requests a person can ask? (Like on HazyAltCare a person/Alter-Human can only send in 5 requests within a 24hr period or we, the mods, will get overwhelmed)

Are you ok with at-ing/tagging/pinging blogs?

I appreciate you asking instead of assuming actually, it's very considerate! 😊

1. Crossovers are completely fine, we've posted plenty of that before!

2. For fandoms neither on the whitelist nor blacklist I actually included in that you can still send in requests for unlisted media, it'll just be dealt with case by case. I'm sure to have forgotten something for the whitelist since we have an interest in so many things, or didn't consider something we wouldn't be comfortable doing. So depending on whether the request is approved or disapproved it'll be added to one list or another. So please feel free! Just no offense if we can't do said subject/topic/fandom/etc. :)

3. That would also be case by case, since depending on the person who posted said gif may have a dni we apply to. I'd say your best bet for that to work is just to make sure the op is safe for us, or that it comes from a source not affiliated with the community

4. Kin content is perfectly fine, just be sure to specify it's kin related! As for clicker, do you mean the clickers from the last of us? Because if it isn't in the whitelist then it should be and that's a perfectly acceptable request topic

5. I haven't had to set an exact limit, but that's a good idea I should include in. I'd say no more than 3 requests per person, and that I would probably ask you not send any more until all of them are completed. We get requests here pretty fast as of late so don't be offended if you send in the three and find requests are closed shortly after, it won't be related to anyone who's sent in the limit

6. Tagging is perfectly fine so long as the selected blogs don't mind/approve (I'd hate to be a bother to someone's notifs lol)

Anyway yeah if anyone has any questions about the carrd or our terms please let us know! I had to go back and make it super specific because we kept getting requests for topics that were in our blacklist or some that were just genuinely triggering or not appropriate for this type of acc (imo) so you guys showing you want to get it right means very much to us! I'll probably update the carrd soon to reflect these new questions and answers. But we won't ever bite on this, the worst we'll do is give you an answer you don't prefer 😅

[whumping-valentine]

CW: Pedophilia, incest, and SA mentions

Some of the replies to this are fucking unhinged, I don't know whether to laugh or cry. This post doesn't mention any kind of specific media. It doesn't talk about age gaps, or incest, or torture, yet some people in the replies are acting like this post flat out said to support child predators, like ????

I'm sorry, but if you think that folks who enjoy taboo topics in fictional media actually want that to happen in real life, that says much more about YOU than it does them. And as a whump blog, I'm not just talking about torture. There is no room on my blog for, "Yes! Unless you write *blank* in which case you should die!" No. No censorship. Period.

Yes, even if they don't continously state that it's immoral and wrong. Yes, even if they present it in a postive light. Yes, even if it's "glamorized". How someone writes literature is not a reflection of themself. It's kinda like acting. Ever hear of an unreliable narrator? I think y'all just have piss poor media literacy. Sometimes I write about kinks I don't have, characters I genuinely can't stand, and content that even squicks ME out. Why? Because I'm writing a story. Again, it's like acting. It's not who I am, and it's not what I believe.

Exploring topics in fiction can be a way of dealing with your own trauma, like how I sometimes write about SA and incest. That does not mean that I support rape or incest, or that I'm somehow a predator, or a rapist. God, it pisses me off so muuuuuchhhh. I'm sure you don't think that everyone who has ever written horror is a serial killer, yeah? It's the ame sentiment, and you know what? Even if people aren't victims of the topic, my verdict still stands. People are allowed to write about whatever shit they want to, even if it hasn't directly harmed them. They don't owe you an explanation in order to make it okay in your eyes. They can write it simply because they enjoy it, and that doesn't make them evil.

The important thing is to tag your works so that folks can avoid topics that may be triggering to them, or to at least warn them before they continue. You are not serving justice by harassing someone that you deem to be dangerous. If you truly think people who write taboo fiction are dangerous, I believe you're too immature to be on the internet in general. Dark fiction is actually much more common and mainstream then you think, you just live in your sanitized little internet bubble so you wouldn't know.

"Your parents would disown you if they knew what you wrote!" My mother recently wrote a novel about a woman who is kidnapped, beaten, and raped by a man and falls in love with him and they live happily ever after. She's paying me to be her editor. She thinks you guys are insane. It's not really my cup of tea, but she wrote it and it's hers. Just because I don't particularly like it, doesn't mean it's wrong or that it should be censored or changed.

And if you're one of those "think of the children!" types, let me tell you, you're just annoying. Dark content is not for children. Children should not be on my blog. They should not be in adult spaces. It is not my responsibility to censor myself just because children could possibly see and read my work. My work is for mature adults who understand that fiction isn't real, and that what I write about is not indicative of my own moral beliefs.

Let me say again; Minors are not allowed on my blog.

If you read that and still wanna yell predator, I don't know what to tell you, man. You're just dumb. The terms predator, pedophile, and groomer really mean NOTHING now, huh? What a way to belittle and water down actual horrible things.

Way to go protecting kids! No one cared that my cousin molested me, but they sure as hell care when I sometimes want to write about incest! 🙂 "but why do you want to write about something that hurt you??" I don't owe you an explanation. 👍

I'm sorry op, I kinda completely derailed your post, I got carried away. I apologize. Rant over.

Repeat after me:

It is OKAY to have content preferences and to be uncomfortable with certain ships or topics, controversial or not. It is OKAY to distance yourself from such content and block certain tags or creators.

It is NOT OKAY to actively hate and harass real people for creating content of fictional characters that features things that make you uncomfortable.

[causmonaut]

cw: no mentions of anything i’d say deserve a tw, but i do mention a term that can be a trigger, i think?

*************************************************************

also probably worth noting that i won’t consistently be adding trigger warnings or content warnings to my posts. not out of a lack of consideration for others, but because i’ll likely forget, and rarely talk about anything that is serious enough to tag. i might bring up terms or things here and there but in general, proceed with caution if you’re going to read anything in my #junkrant not junkrat tag.

the general assumption you should make about my posts tagged with #junkrant not junkrat are that:

u are reading a 21-year-old teenage girl’s (extremely icked out by myself for referring to myself this way but it is probably the most accurate description of how i sound in some of these) ANGSTY rants, and i might use language you’re not comfortable with. (duly note that this language does not include anything that is racist, homophobic, transphobic, ableist, or discriminatory in any way— unless i am referring to myself or people who are in my own sect of whatever intersectionality i’m a part of, and even then it is not malicious, serious, or a reflection of my genuine opinions or values). if you have a problem with anything i say, i’m willing to have a conversation about it, but please do not make assumptions based on what you think you know about me or my background based on surface level interactions you may have with me.

kind of adding on to the point above but, please also note that i am in therapy so i might talk about things i went over and sometimes this includes stuff that some people might not like to hear about! again, nothing explicit or graphic! i’m just a human with a long, wonky history of bad habits so if you don’t wanna read about any of it, look away!

a lot of this stuff is just me venting, and once i get it out i’m usually fine! but i’m putting it in a public space for a reason (being perceived helps a bit with accountability and also feeling heard). if you have anything to say, or guidance to give, i’d be more than happy to receive some nice words! it might take me a while to digest and reply to you but i promise i’ll say something if ever i feel that i don’t want feedback on a particular post, sum: if u send me a msg and i don’t respond, it’s likely because i’m busy, taking my time processing the message, or briefly forgot about tumblr, but i will get back to you!

*************************************************************

aaaand back with another post.

friend said (almost verbatim): “any pain you feel by paying attention to the things shes doing, that isn’t caused by a direct action of hers that is actually directed towards you, like contacting you, or indirecting you in an obvious way is self-inflicted, and you’re stupid for doing that to yourself. you can assume all you want, but don’t go searching for confirmation because there’s always a chance you’ll find some and you’ll be worse for wear. you know that, too.”

harsh! but also kind of !!!! reaffirmed something my other friend said to me too. the emotional self-h4ｒm is real? but it’s not even like that, i don’t think?

yes, i can admit that when i check on things, sometimes i’m not entirely sure why i do. sometimes it’s to calm the anxiety i feel, because i guess checking and potentially being wounded by something counts as a form of interaction with her. sometimes it’s because i get this inkling that she might have posted something that might confirm some worry i have— like her moving on, or being glad she let me go, etc. (<- spoiler alert by the way, a guy(?) is in the picture now which is so ouch!) sometimes i do check because i know i’ll likely see something that upsets me or bugs me in some way and even though i want to avoid all that hurt at all costs normally, in those moments i guess i convince myself that if i’m already feeling bad, i might as well make myself feel worse so that once i feel better.. i’ll feel a lot better (?) doesn’t make sense, does it?

yeah, now that i’ve typed it all out it definitely sounds… well!!! it sounds like emotional immaturity, and also emotional self-ouch. i’m sure there’s more to it but wow!!

i think i’ve been over this entire topic before but it’s just fresh on my mind because i did it again!

trying to remind myself that she’s shown me my worth to her twice now. the two times she’s turned away. and i’m showing myself my worth by chasing after someone who DGAF about anyone else but herself, really. <- sounds so bitter but there’s truth to it, i promise. we are talking girl who got annoyed about me being upset about her not giving me an anniversary gift because she still held the first breakup against me.. (more details i’m leaving out for the sake of my thumbs)

among other things^ because that wasn’t the only thing she did that kind of had me scratching my head every time because what is up with your mentality about these things ? do all incidents have to be black and white ? how come only one of us get to be hurt ?

anyway! i’m really trying to work on just?? focusing on other things.

term started so now i have to study my ass off but it’s tough to beat academic burnout, plus fatigue, plus floating thoughts that’ll have me bothered while i’m trying to concentrate.

considered taking the term off to relax and allow myself some time out of school but fafsa is oh-so-helpful. when else will i get paid this much to torture myself with assignments? also, i have plans to run away to europe for a month or two next year and i know i won’t be able to without the extra $$ in my pocket.

wishing i could travel and focus on me for the rest of forever but life!! is unfair!! and i wasn’t born to a family with money!! or pull!!! i think i’d be such a cool nepo baby.

sitting trying to gather any thoughts i have about ex, but everything is kinda gone right now. whatever i have to complain about is a given during breakups, i obviously just wish things ended up differently. and i’m disappointed in her for selling me a dream then taking it back within a few weeks, and disappointed in myself for letting her do that and continuing the relationship.

learned! a whole lot! just fear that if in the future i enter another relationship, i won’t have the best communication tools or might still carry some of the relationship insecurity i’ve gained over the little—but still impactful— experiences i’ve had in relationships.

over-summarized tldr: writer wants to know how to gain emotional maturity. writer wants to fast forward a month or two and zip to a place where she doesn’t feel so irritated or sad about the reality of things!

[olderthannetfic]

this is a genuine question. i am fully in favor of ao3 and the discourse around it makes my head hurt. but the argument that ao3 should add a warning for racism always felt like a good one to me. as much as i love the site and think antis are stupid thats the one point they have that I've never found a single good argument against, i feel like we should agree with them on that one honestly 😭

--

Part of the disagreement has to do with how warnings actually work vs. how people imagine they work.

How AO3 "archive warnings" are often seen:

Top most important warnings that we absolutely have to have for trigger reasons. These are the things we think are most serious.

What AO3 archive warnings actually are:

A short list of things that are very common, yes, but more important, that are highly enforceable. That's why 'dubcon', which is almost as requested as 'noncon' is not an archive warning but only an additional tag.

Archive warning = the abuse committee fields cases involving this tag, not "this is the most important warning".

However, I do agree that site structure shows our values. I have mixed feelings about adding this warning as a PR thing.

What the warning is supposed to do:

Racists often don't know they're racist and/or are malicious, so they won't add it themselves, but other fans can report a racist fic, and the Abuse committee will add the warning.

What will actually happen:

A lot of people will grudge-report each other's fics. The Abuse committee, which has been chronically understaffed for the entirety of AO3's history will get so backed up they take a year to rule on cases. Either a bunch of POC are forced to look at racism all day for no pay, or a bunch of white people are ruling on cases, also for no pay.

Most cases will be Klance fans reporting Sheith fics for existing, or the equivalent.

Many cases will be reporting POC who are exploring issues highly personal to them and either disagree with the reporter on the uses of art or who just aren't very good writers and failed at what they were attempting to convey. Nonwhite fans and fics centering nonwhite characters will be held to a higher standard, while fics about two white guys that ignore that nonwhite people even exist will get a pass unless they use slurs or something.

Now, I'm sure people will assume that's a strawman, but as someone who many years ago helmed the Abuse committee and who has lived through decades of fandom wank, I can tell you that any rule where you can report people to site management will be misused constantly, egregiously, and viciously.

AO3 has enough trouble handling harassment cases right now. Adding a whole other set of content policing, especially content policing that is relatively more ambiguous and that requires more cultural knowledge than "Does this story contain major character death" is a mess from a logistical standpoint. If and when OTW can pay its Abuse staffers and have like 10x the number they have now, I may feel differently. We are not close to that day.

CNTW:

The other problem is that unless this warning functions radically differently from how AO3 does now, people will just use CNTW as an ass-covering measure. If it is exempted from CNTW, that creates a whole other set of issues in terms of confidence in the archive living up to its mission.

Basically, in the form this warning is likely to take, it won't actually serve to label racist fic or make it more avoidable, so adding it would be a PR move.

Pros to adding it as a PR thing:

It would mean OTW taking a public anti-racist stance.

Cons to adding it as a PR thing:

Did you actually appreciate all those corporations with their hollow BLM emails and tweets? It was a bunch of hot air with zero useful action. One fear I've seen expressed is that OTW could add this warning and decide they'd done their part and stop there.

There are some fears that adding this tag would have a chilling effect on the participation of non-US fans, nonnative speakers of English, and fans writing nonwhite characters in general. How valid these fears are is debatable.

Regardless, there are tangible anti-racist actions OTW can take that will be far more useful, and they are taking them. These consist of building blocking features so that fans can avoid content or people they don't want to interact with.

Many people would like OTW to keep focusing on those features and not waste time on this largely symbolic gesture.

[seita]

some coping mechanism are wrong and do need to be discussed or changed!! neurodivergency doesn’t give u an excuse to hurt or trigger others!! coping mechanisms don’t exist in vaccums... and you and ur followers are harming real people by saying such

i was going to ignore most everything i got on the subject because quite frankly i'm over it. every opposing take either doesn't make sense, is completely ignorant, or is just plain stupid.

this one? is just idiocy.

so i'm gonna take the time to explain some things to you.

i cannot begun to express the ignorance and privilege that is seeped into every single word of this ask. i am actually baffled that you genuinely thought that this was, in any way shape or form, okay. or that you even thought this was a hot take at all.

you do not have any jurisdiction or power to tell other people that the way they cope is wrong. that is so beyond disgusting.

do you know why people choose to write dark content to cope?

a few reasons that range from: gives power/comfort over their trauma to lets them release emotions that otherwise have no outlet.

beyond that is that some people don’t have the resources or support system needed to cope in other ways. all they may have is a pen and paper or a laptop. they may not live in a home where they were believed, they may still be trapped with their abuser, or they may just plain not be able to afford therapy.

but do you know what the fun thing is? plenty of these people who choose to cope in this way are advised by their therapists to do it. like myself.

i used to write in little notebooks as a child -- really dark, foul shit and i didn’t understand why i did it. i talked to my therapist and i was told it’s a great outlet! i have to say writing is probably one of the top reasons i managed to get to the space i am in today.

when i learned the wonders of the internet growing up, i also sought out to READ the content. of course, it was very hard to find because of people like you who do nothing but shame it simply because of the real world values the crimes possess and for some reason refuse to see it in a fictional, helpful way.

it’s a very real and very valid coping mechanism: both reading and writing are incredibly beneficial.

this outlet also helps people just the same as it can hurt people. i don’t know who or what you think you’re doing but survivors who are triggered by the content of a darker nature WILL NOT CLICK ON IT TO READ IT. why are you acting like survivors and victims are brainless, mindless idiots who will read something clearly labeled with their triggers as if there’s some invisible force dictating them too?

and who are you? a highschool student? a college student? a therapist? what right gives you, a random person on the internet, to dictate something that has been ADVISED and PROVEN to help with coping to trauma to deem it wrong?

im gonna go ahead and say your morality. nothing beyond that.

you see dark content as just disgusting porn fucked up people jerk off to but it’s beyond that. and very obviously something you do not understand and most likely refuse to understand.

you think because you think something is wrong that it should be wrong all around. you don’t like it so it shouldn’t be done.

i hate to break it to you but the real world isn’t going to cater to you. i sure as fuck won’t. i’m not in charge of making you feel happy or content on the internet. if you log on to your computer and expect people to babysit you and make you feel comforted and safe -- you’re doing the internet wrong.

you only choose to see the negative side to this. you see that people can be triggered or hurt by this content and that’s valid. people can and will be. but there’s also a HUGE number that people like you choose to ignore and invalidate under the guise of protecting survivors only to hurt them at the same time. it doesn’t make sense.

you’re not trying to advocate and protect people -- you’re trying to make the fandom and content match up to your puritan ideals and fantasies. the world isn’t like that. people are always going to do things you don’t like and have opposing opinions on things. stop trying to act like you’re doing this for the greater good -- a martyr, hero complex isn’t a cute look and we can see exactly what you’re doing.

i don’t understand why it’s so hard to accept that dark content does not have as big of a negative impact as you think it does.

i also don’t understand how other survivors can see what people like me do and tell us we’re wrong. i don’t go out of my way to shame you and say “oh you don’t like dark content? weird.” i mind my own fucking business and stay away from blogs that don’t want to interact with dark content writers.

i am respectful always. i never attack people for having opposing opinions. i never attack people personally. people who write dark content don’t do that shit.

you know who does?

your side.

you know what someone said to me in an effort to shame me and bully me for writing what i write? they called my writing shit -- the thing i use to cope and help other cope. i’ve never gone on anon or off anon and told someone their writing was shit.

i also had someone ask me why i think being a victim made me special. i’m gonna let you sit and figure out exactly what is wrong with that question.

those are the types of people you’re enabling and encouraging. if you people just left dark writers alone we wouldn’t hurt anyone. you all preach this shit about how dark content is SOOOOO easily availble anyone can read it. that is false. the only way to find dark content is to ALREADY BE ASSOCIATING WITH PEOPLE WHO CREATE OR CONSUME DARK CONTENT. it’s not tagged in the main tags. it will not show up in your orbit or be blasted on your page because someone posted it.

and then you people say “oh minors will be convinced it’s okay!!!” no. minors aren’t as stupid as you seem to think they are. they fully know and understand exactly what they’re getting into. they see the word rape and know in real life THAT’S BAD.

you don’t want a slasher film and think  “oh wow look at him killin all those people but not getting caught I COULD DO THAT TOO!!!!” no. you don’t. because you know it’s wrong.

y’all are so high up on you moral horse that you think everyone around you is fucking stupid and has no common sense.

if someone thinks what they read in fiction makes it okay in real life, there was already something wrong with them to begin with.

but no, you’ll pull out anything on earth to try and get your point across. from secondhand trauma to it just being offensive.

and i hate to be the one to tell you this but...all this crusading is doing basically nothing in the long run. you know what happened yesterday from being called out? i lost 9 followers.

and then i gained 20. and now im only 100 away from 16,000.

what did all of this achieve? what does any of this even do?

whenever you people do this what exactly is it you want? do you expect us to just...stop...because you don’t like it? are you really so self-centered and self-righteous that you think you’re THAT important. do you really believe your opinion and voice is the loudest and most important to consider?

because it really isn’t.

just as you’re sitting here telling me you’re wanting to protect people -- i’m wanting to help people. do you know how many people i’ve had thank me for making them feel better about their owwn fantasies that they’d previously been ashamed of because they’re a victim? or how many people thank me for providing the content they rely on to cope?

i’m gonna go ahead and say those are the people i want to help. those are the people i care about. and i don’t know what it’s gonna take for you people to understand that i will not stop until i DECIDE to.

this is the internet. none of your opinions or words have any long-lasting, realistic effect on me, my person, or my life. i could delete my blog and in a month nothing any of you have said to me over this course of time will have impacted me in the long term. of course, other people are more sensitive and can get hurt by this discourse.

but i don’t. i’m a lot more stubborn and thick-skinned than you people may seem to realize.

your words will continue to go in one ear and out the other. i know where i stand. i know where i want to remain.

your morality nor your opinions are blanket rules that everyone should abide by. get some perspective and learn your place in the world before speaking on things you clearly cannot understand.

[silentfcknhill]

FAVORITE SHOWS IN POSTERS

Well, we’re back for another installment of this tagged meme, this time for TV shows! I also stole this from/was indirectly tagged by @jcmorrigan. My taste in shows also differs a bit from my taste in movies, as I tend to like a lot of comedy shows with not as many horror ones. I’m not into shows as much as movies overall, but there are some that I am very passionate about so I picked twenty again. So, here we go for part 2, in order:

1. Avatar: The Last Airbender/The Legend Of Korra (2005-2014)

I'm including these as one show since they take place in the same universe and tell a continuation of the same overall plot. Altogether this is probably the best piece of media to ever exist, including movies. It has so many great characters and villains especially and some of the most epic sequences, charming humor and heartwarming moments ever. I've never met a person who didn't like these shows, even people who normally don't like cartoons. My dad, who is biased against animation? He loved it. My mother? She loved it, watched it with her multiple times. My grandmother? Loved it. My ex-boyfriend? Loved it. My best friend? Loved it. I dare anyone not to, and I'm so glad it's making a resurgence since it's on Netflix for a new generation to enjoy.

2. Black Butler (2008-2014)

I never was big into anime growing up and only really started watching anime when I was like 16 and above, but this is one of the exceptions because holy shit is it ever dark and epic. I'm not sure I'd really recommend it for kids, it's more of a teens and young adults kind of anime and that's probably why it's so good, because it isn't afraid to explore dark and mature topics and do it with all of the intensity and gravitas required to do said topics justice. It has lots of great characters, and the story of demons who make deals with children who have a dark side is fun to watch play out.

3. Seinfeld (1989-1998)

My dad was a huge fan of this show so I watched it growing up since I was a toddler and it became a classic for me. I've watched thw hole show through at least 8 times, and I'll never stop because it never gets old or boring. It's also my only comfort show when I'm having a panic attack because of one time a few years ago when I was having a drug-induced psychosis episode and watching it calmed me down, so now it's like the opposite of a trigger and whenever I'm having an episode or something I watch it to bring me back to reality. For that reason it's more than a show to me, it's a medical treatment and I'm forever grateful to it.

4. The Good Place (2016-2020)

The big four shows made my Michael Schur all made it on this post (The Good Place, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, The Office and Parks And Recreation), either in the main list of the honorable mentions, but this is my personal favorite of the four. It's so funny, quirky, relatable and basically tailor-made to suit my interests. Not only is it an entertaining and wholesome show, but I think watching it helped me come to terms with a lot of things like mortality, ethics, philosophy, religion and my relationships with other people. It gets  alot of different viewpoints across and if you're a very analytical and philosophical person like me you'll probably enjoy seeing it all play out. Not to mention, every single character is 'favorite character' material. It's rare you find a show with no filler characters in the main cast, but I genuinely can't choose who is best.

5. Brooklyn Nine-Nine (2013-?)

Another of Michael Schur's shows, this one is just barely under The Good Place and to be honest it was tough to pick my favorite between the two because they're both equally funny. I know it's kind of controversial right now because of the whole law enforcement thing, but I actually think they do a good job of handling social issues in the show and remaining respectful of real-life systemic problems. As for the characters, this is another one of those shows where every single character is gold and I think that tends to be a trend among Schur's shows in general. He produces damn good comedy, and damn good characters. I can't wait to see what they bring next.

6. Rick And Morty (2013-?)

This is unfortunately one of those cases of 'great show, horrible fandom' and for that reason I don't get involved in the fandom even though I love the show. It's a shame because it really is a great show, so funny and, again, such good characters. I think it's a lot more accessible than the fandom likes to claim, so I'm hoping more people will give it a chance and not get put off by the intellectual elitism of the fandom because it does have some of the most entertaining and batshit crazy episodes ever, poking fun of some of the staples of science fiction in media while also poking fun of itself the whole time. Unlike the fandom, the show doesn't take itself seriously and that's enjoyable nowadays.

7. Orange Is The New Black (2013-2019)

While this show is a comedy, it is also a lot of other things and it's probably made me ugly-cry just as many times as it's made me laugh. Well, maybe not as often, but those few scenes (if you've watched the show then you know the ones I'm talking about) made me hysterically sob hard enough to be worth like fifty minor sads. But I didn't even mind because the show is just that good, and it makes you /feel/ something in a real way. Probably because of just how real it gets in terms of telling stories that happen all the time in the real world, sometimes with inevitably tragic endings. But these things do happen every day, and it's important to shine a light on that. It's not just representation for LGBTQ+ but also for POC, the neurodiverse, the poor, and many more. Give it a watch to broaden your perspective!

8. Big Mouth (2017-?)

This is probably the grossest show I've ever seen but by god is it ever funny. Maybe it's because I have an immature sense of humor or something, but I love this show. It definitely won't be everyone's cup of tea and I don't recommend you watch this show with anyone else around because it will get awkward. I think part of its appeal to me is that everyone I talk to who likes it considers it so relatable to their lives growing up but for someone like me who grew up on the autism and asexual spectrum and who was physically an early-bloomer by years, nothing about this show is relatable to me in any way so it makes it all the more crazy and bizarre watching how the people around me must have experienced things. Did y'all really have these experiences with puberty in middle school???

9. Dexter (2006-2013)

I recently heard that this show is coming back for a reboot soon and I'm so excited because this is my absolute favorite drama/thriller show, as evidenced by the fact that it's the highest one on the list so far that isn't a comedy. I love the idea of having a protagonist who is sort of a villain (or at least morally dubious), and the idea of a serial killer who only kills bad people is particularly satisfying for some reason. Maybe because he's the vigilante we all deserve and want in this unjust and evil world of modern times? Idk but the very premise of this show set it up for big things and aside from the ending I think it delivered consistently.

10. Once Upon A Time (2011-2018)

This show took us on some journeys, and you can't deny that. Sure, maybe it didn't always finish what it started and didn't always end in the most satisfying way, but part of its charm is that you didn't care because the experience was just so much fun. They took characters and stories that have been told to death and somehow managed to put a unique and unexpected twist on them, and that alone is admirable. Good twists, good villains, and pretty much every cliffhanger known to man will keep you hooked on binge-watching every episode.

11. RuPaul's Drag Race (2009-?)

A bit different than the other entries on my list in that it's not fiction but a reality competition show, but I couldn't leave Drag Race out because it's just so fucking iconic and perfect. Even when you disagree with the judges or can't stand a certain contestant you'll still be having a good time. It's got the personalities you love to love, the ones you love to hate, and the comedy that's completely meme-able. I mean just how much has this show contributed to pop culture and the internet? More than most of us, henny. I've watched every single season, even the international ones and all of the spinoffs. This show will probably be on for another thirty years when Ru is throwing shade from a hospital bed and I'll still be watching.

12. House (2004-2012)

Some people hate on this show, and I don't get it. I love House. Yes, he's an ass. That's the point. He's supposed to be unlikeable, and that's why I like him. Maybe because I always love the rude, sarcastic, misanthropic jerkass-genius characters for some reason. And I also love procedural shows, so it's a win-win. I also work in the healthcare field so it appeals to me for that reason too, because obviously the whole premise is outlandish which is what makes it funny. Of course it's not realistic for a hospital, so just enjoy the absurdity and don't get too hung up on the details of medical accuracy and professional ethics and you'll be fine.

13. The Office (2005-2013)

The third of Michael Schur's show and the last one that made the main list (sorry Parks And Rec, I love you too but there was just so many good shows to choose from and I saw you last so the nostalgia isn't as strong!) I don't think I need to hype this show up any, it's already a classic and you can't even turn around online without getting hit in the face by a dozen Office memes. You'll have to pry this show and it's relatable characters (especially Michael Scott) from my cold, dead hands.

14. All Hail King Julien/The Penguins Of Madagascar (2008-2017)

Like Avatar/Korra, I also consider this as one show for the sake of this list because it also takes place in the same universe (Madagascar, specifically) and I just couldn't choose one over the other because they're both so perfect. They're funny and I love all the characters (it cut out the weaker links of the Madagascar film series and just focuses on expanding the standout side-characters like King Julien and the penguins). It also delved into some lore, particularly the first show, and even though I didn't also agree with the directions it took (you may have seen me get salty about the ending because I cared too much), I can't deny how much I love it.

15. Bones (2005-2017)

One of the other scarce non-comedy shows on this list, it still has it's funny moments. It's also, like House, another procedural show that involves some medical stuff, but this time on a more scientific and forensic level which is even more interesting. It's nice to see a lead female with Asperger's, too. There's a lot of cop/law enforcement shows where they try to solve crimes, but this one is the best, and I'm saying that as a fan of CSI as well. Don't fight me on this, I'm right. Oh yes, it's corny, it's campy, it's cheesy, but I love every minute of it. Don't watch if you have a weak stomach though.

16. The Simpsons (1989-?)

We all grew up with this show, don't lie. It's been around longer than most people on tumblr have even been alive. Should it have ended seasons ago? Hell yes. But that doesn't take away what the first like 20 or so seasons gave us (there's a lot of argument about when the show jumped the shark, for me it wasn't until much later than the popular consensus). The characters are amazing, but the secret to the show's longevity is that they always return to status quo and there's comfort and nostalgia in that. Bart will still be in 4th grade when you're out there pushing 90. This show is persistent. This show is eternal. This show will outlive us all.

17. Ash Vs. Evil Dead (2015-2018)

Sorely underrated. This show is hilarious, gruesome and campy as hell and I love it. I don't think you necessarily have to watch the Evil Dead movies beforehand in order to get the plot of the show, although it would probably help. In my opinion this show ended way too soon and I'm hoping someday we'll get a comeback because Ash is the reluctant, self-absorbed hero we all need and it's 2020 so at this point there really might actually be a demon-zombie apocalypse and who's gonna save us then if not for the impulsive womanizer with a chainsaw for a hand?

18. Malcolm In The Middle (2000-2006)

Another show I grew up with, I don't think it gets as much credit as it deserves. It has some damn funny episodes and great characters, and it did a lot of the popular sitcom tropes before they were 'cool'. Some other great sitcoms, The Middle in particular, took a lot of influence from this show and it helped pave the way for the future of sitcoms at a time when they were about to make a comeback. If you want a good show about the real experiences of growing up, this is a much more accurate representation of the highs and lows of being an awkward tween from a dysfunctional home.

19. A Series Of Unfortunate Events (2017-2019)

Unlike most people I actually liked the movie version from the early 2000's, and I read the books growing up so I was excited when I saw there was a live action television adaptation of it on Netflix because I felt like they cancelled the movie franchise too soon. I was interested to see how new actors would handle the roles, and I was not disappointed. I wouldn't say I liked either portrayal of the characters better or worse, they both added their own twist to it and this show is a great and loyal adaptation to the books, probably because the author was so heavily involved. He knew just when to stick to the books and when to improve upon what he had done with the benefit of hindsight. This show is basically the books, but remastered.

20. Winx Club (2004-?)

Sort of an odd one out on this list, but I really love this show even as an adult and it may surprise you to learn it is still going on and the most recent season came out last year. They take big breaks sometimes in between seasons, but it's still going strong and in multiple countries. The only thing I don't like about watching this show is all the different and inconsistent dubs since the original show is Italian and each dub only goes for a couple seasons so by the time you get used to one set of voices/names for the characters oyu have to abruptly switch to another, but it's still worth it for the beautiful animation and cool characters (especially the villains!)

Honorable Mentions: 

13 Reasons Why, America's Next Top Model, American Horror Story, Arrested Development, Bates Motel, Battlestar Galactica, Black Mirror, Care Bears, Chernobyl, Courage The Cowardly Dog, Criminal, CSI, Duck Dodgers, Goosebumps, Kenny Vs. Spenny, Kim Possible, Kingdom Hospital, Lazytown, Lost, Making A Murderer, Mayday, Mindhunter, Modern Family, Monster High, Obsession: Dark Desires, Parks And Recreation, Prison Break, Project Runway, Queer As Folk, Queer Eye, Salem, Schitt's Creek, SCTV, Spongebob Squarepants, The Emperor's New School, The Good Doctor, The Haunting Of Hill House/Bly Manor, The Middle, The Pretender, The Walking Dead, The X-Files, Through The Wormhole, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, Unsolved Mysteries, Yugioh

Tagging: @bullet-farmer​ and anyone else who wants to!

[thedreadvampy]

Please stop describing aroace as not wanting or seeking out a romantic/sexual relationship. The terms describe attraction, not behavior, and this is something that has been discussed and explained to exhaustion by aroace communities. I have personally also pursued relationships because I thought I wanted that kind of relationship, and too many people try to say that means I’m not really aroace. I have aroace friends who are in sexual and/or romantic relationships.

I’m not angry at you, I know you don’t intend to cause harm, and I generally agree with your thoughts on how Martin is characterized, but I am so, so tired of people who aren’t aroace telling us who we are, how we feel, and how we behave. There are so many easily-accessible resources and explanations about asexuality and aromanticism with respect to relationships, and I urge you do some research if you feel the need to define us.

I don’t mind if you don’t reply to this. It’s the sort of conversation I would rather have privately, but I’ve seen and experienced too much harassment targeting asexual identities to feel safe going off anon.

No I'm not going to stop doing that because my feeling on this is based specifically on conversations raised by and led by my aroace friends and loved ones. as in this is a frustration that a lot of people in my life who are aroace have repeatedly expressed - that there's no space to express clearly and unambiguously that you're Not Wanting Sex And Relationships because the linguistic space is slipping for that. and they've talked a lot specifically about how that's led to them feeling more pressured to push themselves into sex or relationships, or having to constantly explain and defend their space even within aspec communities. and that's a problem. not that people who want or might want sex and romance but consider themselves broadly asexual or aromatic exist, but that with the semantic drift around aroace, there's not really a term which unambiguously expresses that that's not something they do want.

Action is not the same as desire - having had or wanted a relationship doesn't mean anything for whether you're "actually" aro or ace, any more than having dated men in the past means you're not "actually" a lesbian. comphet is a hell of a situation. I'm not splitting hairs about attraction vs behaviour - I'm talking about desire versus lack of desire.

Yes, fine, good, you can act for a lot of reasons, only some of which are genuinely held desire (trust me I know this). I'm not debating that. I'm saying that the space that's shrunk away in contemporary aspec language is a term which unambiguously means "a person who does not have a desire to have sex or relationships."

In this example, Martin spends much of the story expressing desire for a monogamous romantic relationship and nothing in his story arc, his actions, his dialogue or his fears seem to imply that that's motivated by anything other than a genuinely held desire to have a relationship with a man he is into. He's not aroace in the same way he's not a trans lesbian like. yes he could be being led by common drivers - compulsory sexuality, the desire for emotional closeness, the confusion of working out which feeling's what, only knowing how to navigate relationships through a certain lens, etc - and yes he absolutely could be either of those things, but ultimately there's nothing in the text to support that conclusion as is. He is not written as aroace, and in terms of material questions like 'what assumptions do people make about you and what's a justified assumption to make' the two things that matter when it comes to "X is/is not [identity]" are:

what do they outwardly identify as

how do they behave and what desires do they experience and express

like you are absolutely right that it's shitty for people to try and tell you you're not aroace if you are. people know their own identities best. I'm talking about group terminology that's sufficiently materialist to make sense.

like when someone says they're aroace what are appropriate assumptions to make? that this is someone who doesn't want sex or romantic relationships in and of itself, surely? that sex and romance are either low priority or actively not wanted? that they're not likely to be open to attempts to initiate sex or romance, and that their rejection of that isn't personal? that they may prefer long-term to not have a partner and that not having a partner isn't a source of great pain and loneliness and doesn't indicate an unmet need?

like that's what the term means. a term boundaries a set of basic assumptions. that doesn't mean nobody in that group can then turn around and say 'actually I am sad I don't have a partner' or 'actually I think I do want to try a relationship with you' or 'actually it's very validating when people flirt with me'.

similarly like an assumption it's reasonable to make about bisexual people, and an assumption that's embedded in the term, is 'is interested in sex or romance with people of multiple genders.' that doesn't mean I can't be bisexual and also have a complex relationship to what if any sexual or romantic desires I have and why. but it means that if I'm talking about bisexual people, I'm expecting you to join me in the assumption that yes we're talking about People Who Experience Multiple Gender Attraction. sexuality is messy and complicated let's not get it twisted. saying 'this is what the word means' doesn't remove the existence of complex experiences of self and of desire. but what the implied meaning of a word is matters and people were and are acting as if the implied meaning of 'aroace' has nothing to do with inherent desire for sex and romance which seems to me to leave a pretty substantial communication gap.

as I said in the tags - is there a more unambiguous word for 'people who are explicitly uninterested in romance and sex' than aroace? what is it? what is the word that's meant to go there? because THAT IS AN IMPORTANT THING TO BE ABLE TO EXPRESS UNAMBIGUOUSLY. and it doesn't mean I'm looking for a word that means 'has never for any reason pursued or experienced romance or sex' which I feel is how you're characterising what I'm saying (and I get that this is a triggering topic with a lot of baggage for a lot of people so I absolutely get why you're reacting as if that's what I'm saying). nor does it mean I'm looking for a word that means '100% gold star virgin who's never dated or had a sexy thought.' it means I'm looking for a word that means 'is uninterested in sex and romance' to describe a reason why somebody might choose to not have relationships, or to not have sex, or might have no sexual or romantic history through choice. key word might. but the fact is every time somebody uses aroace as a descriptor of 'reasons why people may choose not to have relationships' people end up 'correcting' them to say 'some aroace people have relationships' which is. kind of irrelevant to the point. some lesbians are married to men (comphet, changing sense of self, marriages of convenience, lavender marriages etc) but when I say 'she doesn't want to date him because she's a lesbian' we understand what the common understanding of lesbian is.

ultimately idk how to end this post. my point in the original post wasn't 'nobody who's aroace has experience of sex or relationships' but 'aroaceness is a reasonable reason why someone might not have had sex or relationships' and my point in the tags you're objecting to isn't 'aroace as a term should only include people who would never consent to sex or relationships,' it's 'a lack of inherent wish for sex and relationships used to be what we understood aroaceness to imply; now that no longer seems to be the implication and that leaves a gap where a lot of people, aroace and otherwise, struggle to express that experience'

[gffa]

Hello again! It's the socially anxious anon xD (your response was encouraging, by the way- that's the first anon I've worked up the courage to send lol) I've got a quick question- how do you manage a popular blog while dealing with social anxiety? I've got like 25 followers and it's already starting to make me sweat just a bit, lol.

Hi again!  Thank you for coming back again, you’re doing really great at this! I would never have guessed that you were socially anxious, had you not mentioned it.  So, how I deal with things is a combination of things: - I try really hard not to think of my blog in terms of being popular, that while I like people reblogging things, I still firmly think of my blog as my space on the internet. - I maintain a strong eye on my mental health and try to act accordingly. Am I feeling in a good place where I can read the comments/tags?  Then I’ll let myself do that.  If I’m not in a good place, ruthlessly maintain the boundary that I don’t go back and check old posts. - If I don’t feel up to engaging with someone I think is acting in bad faith, block them.  And do my best not to go hateread their blog, even as tempting as it can be to privately salt about them to friends.  It’s a spiral that feeds into my social anxiety and I have to keep an eye on it.  Same for if someone sends me a hateful anon message, they get blocked, I don’t even bother to read past the opening lines of it.  Same for obnoxious reblogs, I read enough to see I don’t give a shit and immediately stop.  I maintain these boundaries as strictly as I can because they, too, feed into the social anxiety. - Let my content speak for me, in a lot of ways.  I’m writing posts that I would write in a vacuum, I had fun writing that post for me, if others enjoy it, then great!  If not, that’s okay, I wrote it for me anyway. - Your social anxiety triggers may not be the same as mine above, but do your best to be honest about the kind of things that upset you/make you nervous, and ruthlessly cut those things out when you’re not feeling up to it.  It’s hard, but you’ll thank yourself a week from now, when you’re not spiraling a little over them. - And most of all, just a lot of practice.  It helps me that I sit in my own space, my posts are by and large my original ones (or on reblogs that I know my nonsense will be appreciated/is in the spirit of the original post), and that helps me relax.  If people want to come talk to me, that’s great!!  That’s what I’m here for!!  But I rarely seek others out because of my social anxiety and the worry that they secretly hate me.  So if they come to me, I’m pretty sure they don’t hate me, it eases my stress a lot. Try to figure out what’s the form of your social anxiety and do your best to work around it.  Find people that you trust to be friendly and interact with them by reblogging their posts, either adding tags or friendly commentary, let the dynamic happen naturally, it’ll be fine. And one thing that’s helped me a lot over the years:  Remember, it’s fandom, it’s not actually that serious.  Remember that there are people out there, right now, who have no idea fandom exists and live perfectly happy lives without it.  Remember that there’s a cat near you who has absolutely no concept of what fandom is, whatever social stupidity is stressing you out, and they exist just fine without it.  Fandom really isn’t something we have to live or die by, you can cut it out, delete your blog, step away, whatever you want, whenever you want.  You’re in control here, it’s on your terms. And further remember:  Even if terrible shit happens, it too is not the end of the world.  You can always retreat if you need to, you can always start over again elsewhere if you need to, you can always do whatever you want.  And if you find yourself stressing about something (I’ve been there, it’s really hard in the moment), find some relaxing music and just breathe in and out for awhile.  Learn to laugh at how stupid the whole thing is, even if you feel that rising panic in the back of your head, go ahead and laugh at the whole thing anyway.  You can be genuinely upset about something and realize it’s stupid shit at the same time, you’re allowed both reactions simultaneously, if you need to. And that how you see yourself is not how others are going to see you.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve looked at other people in fandom and had to remind myself that they’re dealing with the same thing and I never would have guessed.  People are going to feel the exact same way about you, but it’s hard for you to see it, because your brain is lying to you about how awful that just was, when it really wasn’t.  Remember, your brain is going to lie to you about this and you shouldn’t listen to it!  XD And, finally, just be relentlessly positive about yourself.  It feels a little silly at first, your brain isn’t going to want to believe it, but just keep telling yourself that you’re kind and genuine and you’re coming from a good place and that you’re worthwhile to have your own space.  You tell yourself this long enough and you’ll start to believe it:  Because it absolutely is true.

[catsafari25]

I was tagged by @let-the-whump-commence thank you! (Notifications didn't tell me you'd tagged me, thank you tumblr! 🙃

1. why did you choose your url?

It was the username I originally used waaaaaay back in my runescape era, because I like cats and safaris and then it stuck because I am No Good at change.

2. any side-blogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them.

*cackles*

catsafarithewriter: my TCR blog, with a dash of generic Ghibli.

sardinesandhumbugs: my witw blog :D

inventionofparanoia: originally my wolf 359 blog, then devolved out into generic podcast blog when the fandom appeared dead.

I do have at least.... uh, eight other sideblogs that I've mostly forgotten about and/or are only for personal reference.

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

It must have been back in 2012? I think I came across the term 'ace' just before the exclusionists hit, which was around that time, and it has been a trip watching this site's opinion on ace folk finally begin to calm the fuck down again

4. do you have a queue tag?

Yep, and it's 'cue cat' because I liked the alliteration and the homophone pun. (For sardinesandhumbugs its 'messing about in a boat on the river with queue' because I like puns and catsafarithewriter it's 'the cat queues')

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

A friend mentioned tumblr and I thought I'd give it a try - I figured it'd be an interesting platform for fandom shenanigans, and it's slightly more interactive than ffnet (but about as buggy)

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

Cause I'm ace and Belle was my favourite Disney princess growing up :D

7. why did you choose your header?

*goes back to check what my header is* oh, just because I like Doctor Who and Kingdom Hearts and I can't be arsed to change it

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

The road to el dorado meme about toilet paper from last year. (Technically originally posted on my TCR blog for some reason, but w/e) It's nice to know the half hour I spent photoshopping toilet paper wasn't for naught XD

9. how many mutuals do you have?

According to tumblr, 38? If I know you in person or you're a fandom mutual, you are a Mutual+ and you deserve all the good things <3

10. how many followers do you have?

268, honestly more than expected for this nonsensical blog and I'm fairly certain not all of them are bots :D

11. how many people do you follow?

404, but fittingly I'm pretty sure most of them are dead or inactive also I keep accidentally following people on the buggy tumblr app

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

asldkfjasdlfkj usually only on the fandom blogs

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

Eh, I usually check on my phone in the mornings, and then on the laptop in the evenings.

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? who won?

I once had a discussion over fandom interaction, back last year when I really wasn't having a Good Mental Time and I think that's the closest I ever got to an argument. (Basically, I felt pressured to produce creative content, but was getting no feedback and apparently that just fed into an unhelpful anxiety-depressive slump)

15. how do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

They trigger my "you told me to do it so I won't" response so I don't. Also I know some folks who follow me get anxiety from those types of posts, so I don't want to spread that.

16. do you like tag games?

YES. NEXT QUESTION but I hate tagging people I don't want to feel like I'm annoying anyone

17. do you like ask games?

PLEASE ASK ME NONSENSE, IT MAKES ME LAUGH also any asks over fandom stuff is always welcome, I'm 85% on tumblr just for fandom shenanigans

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

I honestly have no idea who is famous on tumblr; I just bumble around and hope for the best

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

Hella aroace, but platonic crushes on @let-the-whump-commence (you write so good! also hellllo angst!) @tcrmommabear (love of my life <3) @jeremystollemyheart (you just seem like a genuinely cool person and beloved witw mutual) and @wolfiethewriter (2020 was the year of garbage, but it was a little less garbage for you being in it <3)

20. tags?

^see 16. Please consider yourself tagged if you want to though <3

[cheekblush]

if you dont mind me asking, (if you do mind, you don't have to answer!) how do you deal or cope with not being sure about yourself especially with the pressure of being in an immigrant family and ending up having to take an unconventional route of life compared to the one they wanted for you/want to live through you sort of ?.... i've been feeling my family's projection of their insecurities which i understand but it's so emotionally exhausting for me i'm having a weird time mannnn sometimes i feel like i should just give in to their requests of career routes they want me to take but it makes me want to kermit soupcider lolll

oh boy... where do i even begin.. this is a topic that is very personal to me and triggers a lot of emotions but i'll try to reply to the best of my abilities. i already know this will get way too long so i'll put it under a read more..

firstly of course - hello dear! 🌸  i'm sorry to hear that your family is projecting their insecurities on you and is pressuring you to choose a career path that is not to your liking (smth very common in immigrant families i believe unfortunately 🙃) right off the bet my advice is to not just give in to their requests in order to please them! you should really take some time for yourself to think what it is you're genuinely interested in and passionate about and try to pursue a career that you can actually imagine yourself working in for the majority of your life - much easier said than done i know. but if the mere thought of taking on the career paths your family is suggesting brings you so much discomfort then imagine how much more miserable you'll be actually pursuing those careers just to make them happy! as difficult as it is, sometimes your own wellbeing and happiness should be your priority bc at the end of the day this is YOUR life and you have to be content with it. and sadly we live in a society where a job makes out a huge portion of our lives, so it only makes sense to pursue one that actually brings you some kind of joy or at least doesn't make you want to "kermit soupcider" (i should start using this shahajka) as you pointed out yourself. so please take your own interests into consideration and what you want out of life in general - maybe a prestigious career is just not what you desire and that's okay! and don't neglect or compromise your own happiness for your family's sake! your decision will most likely not be met with excitement or support but again this is your life and you are responsible for your own happiness 💛

as to how i deal with my family's projections on and expectations of me... i honestly don't even know.. i think i've just gotten used to being a disappointment to them at this point (sorry if this is not what you wanted to hear.. i don't really have good coping mechanisms to offer 😔) there is just so much guilt and shame in letting them down and not living up to their expectations. in my case it's even worse bc on top of not pursuing the career they wanted me to, i am no longer pursuing the career path i chose myself either bc it impaired both my mental and physical health severely. and i'm still trying to come to terms with the fact that something i worked so hard and long for and that my parents invested a lot of money in essentially didn't work out.. and that's a huge burden i carry around all of the time (tbh i need therapy just for this issue 🤡) so on top of going against their wishes, i failed to successfully pursue my chosen career and ultimately am left with nothing.. no respectable job, no income and i have to restart at square 0. so you can probably imagine the guilt, shame, embarrassment and humiliation i feel constantly... and i think with immigrant families especially there is even more guilt bc your parents made so many sacrifices in order to provide you with a better life so it always feels like you owe them something.. like you need to earn your right to simply live and be... like you need to prove your worthiness bc you need to pay them back for all the sacrifices they've made. like you need to show them it wasn't in vain and that you can provide for them. this actually reminds me of this screenshot from this post :

(i go more in depth about my personal situation in the tags of that post in case you're interested or might relate)

i think that's what hurts me the most bc i so desperately wanted to prove that i'm worth it. i so desperately wanted to be able to provide for them, to take care of them, to give them everything they deserve and need and it's so heartbreaking to realize and accept that i won't be able to do that... and if i would've pursued my career further, worked myself to the ground, neglected my own wellbeing and health even further i might've been able to do that. i probably would've gotten a well paid job at some point but at the cost of my own health and wellbeing. and would that be worth it? as guilty as i feel for letting them down and as disappointed as i am in myself, ultimately i did what was best for my own wellbeing. and that's what i suggest you should do as well. as selfish as thay may sound, we do not need to own our right to live even if our parents did make a lot of sacrifices for us (this reminds me of another great post ) obviously i do not know what relationship you have with your family or your dynamics and i don't want to discuss mine further as i've already overshared waaaaay too much 🙃 but we need to put our own needs and wishes first sometimes without beating ourselves up and blaming ourselves - again easier said than done bc i still frequently blame myself and just feel crushing guilt but we have to forgive ourselves very, very, very frequently! and i realize that our situations aren't entirely similar as you are still in the midst of choosing a career path and i already did and unfortunately it didn't work out as planned (but that's life.. also smth i'm trying to come to terms with) but i hope that this (way too lengthy) reply is at least a little helpful or reassuring for you. this probably isn't the reply you were hoping for... i'm sorry i can't provide you with any concrete suggestions or advice on how to cope with your family's demands while being insecure about yourself and your life bc i pretty much still deal with the exact same thing and it's still affecting me very much and causing me a lot of distress. but i do believe the key is to unapologetically create the life you want despite your family's objections, discard all guilt and shame, forgive yourself often and accept things for what they are, especially if you can't change/control them. once again much easier said than done (i know i keep repeating myself please bear with me 😭) but that's what i'm trying to live by as of now and i hope it helps you somehow 💌

finally, i wish you the very best for all your future endeavors and sincerely hope that you receive your family's support even if you choose a path that they are not thrilled with. i hope you have the strength to forgive yourself when faced with failure and that you'll be able to abandon any shame or guilt that might arise. most of all i wish you an abundance of happiness, serenity, prosperity, love, health and peace of mind 🤍🕊🎐 take care of yourself and don't be afraid to put yourself first! may the remaining year treat you gently and bring many blessings your way 💗🌟🦋🍀🥠🧿🏮